#half of this chapter was kinda odd and i question the relevance of the first year kids but

[marimeeko]

I appreciate so so much how Hori gave Ochako the Ghibli tears.

You know, where they just build and build in your eyes, to impossible levels until they spill in big round tear drops

Gotta be one of my favorite exaggerated anime expressions.

And it fits so well for her holding everything back until she literally can't anymore.

[nostalgebraist]

Here are some spoiler-ful thoughts on CxC.  This will be kinda scattered, just trying to make sure I get everything noted down

Most of this is negative, so I should say at the outset that I liked a lot of stuff about CxC.  It certainly gives you “much to think about,” as the kids say . . . 

It’s hard for me to assess CxC’s overall quality without using Modern Cannibals as the bar for comparison.

This is frustrating, because “is CxC better or worse than MC?” is not a very interesting question.  What matters is how good CxC is on its own.  But the two novels share so much in common that it’s hard for me to escape this frame.

I liked CxC a lot on the micro level of individual scenes and chapters, but it failed for me as a whole.  Maybe this is why the MC comparison feels so relevant.  The two use a lot of the same building blocks, and feel very similar at close range.  Zoomed out, CxC lacks the larger-scale structures I liked in MC, and doesn’t have its own suitable replacements for them.

What am I talking about?  Stuff like

- Motion, change, momentum.

MC is one thing at the start, and another very different thing by the end, and there’s an engrossing trajectory from point A to point B.  It builds and builds. There’s a continually rising sense of tension.  Innocence turns into experience.  Illusions are dispelled (or reified, depending on your reading).

Like . . . the odd, very specific brand of ambiguously-real half-nightmare-half-Looney-Tunes action that typifies the very end of MC is not there all the way through. The MC world isn’t just “like that” half the time for no particular reason; that stuff is thoughtfully coupled to specific events, themes, beats and characters (specifically Graves).

Whereas in CxC, we start out with one foot in the nightmare waters, right from the very first chapter, with Harper’s emptiness and amnesia.  (”Emptiness and amnesia” are traits a person could simply have in a realistic novel, of course -- but that novel would look very different from the Harper-POV chapters of CxC.  They ask to be read as symbol, metaphor, dream.  She reads like a Kafka character, not a Final Fantasy sci-fi amnesiac, or a real victim of head trauma or something.)

Likewise, the CxC story moves in halts and jerks.  It has a careful formal structure (the three parts, Mimmy’s death at the center, rise/fall of Soviet Union, etc), but while this pattern exists, it’s a pattern made out of not much happening for a while, some laborious foreshadowing (Letters to Mark, Dogshit’s literal Chekhov’s gun), then the foreshadowed thing abruptly happening, then some more not-much . . . 

- Conflict that gets set up and then goes somewhere.  The MC characters want things, and these wants conflict, and things happen as a result.  In CxC, what conflicts exist between the characters are static and basically toothless, and when things happen it is for other, peripheral reasons.

(I realize this is all thematic and deliberate, so I’m not sure this one is really a criticism . . . insofar as it is, I guess I’m saying that the human story felt sort of lifeless even as a story about ennui?  More on this below)

I agree with the related parts of this comment, which says it better than I have here.

---------------

Earlier, I talked about how CxC is mottled over with “ambiguously-real nightmare stuff” from beginning to end, unlike MC where that stuff grew over time.

For me, this significantly dulled the effect of both sides -- of the parts that came close to realism (with Bavitz one never comes more than “close to” realism), and the parts that did not.

Consider the Harper-POV chapters as against the VdG-POV chapters.

VdG’s squalid existence in his freezing Detroit mansion is portrayed in a way that’s arguably over the top but essentially realistic.  The bantering roommates huddling around a furnace are easy to read as just that, actual people in an actual house having the exchanges we see on the page; one could read the house, the furnace, the holster, the figure collection as symbol/metaphor, but this takes some mental effort and feels like going against the grain of the text.  (This is reinforced by the fact that, when we first enter this setting, it’s framed as “the ugly, mundane reality of VdG and Sister’s real lives” in contrast with the dream/fantasy of the Consortium.)

Harper’s setting, when we first enter it, is the other way around.  We could read her as a real-life amnesiac and, say, speculate about the neurology of her affliction -- but that feels like going against the grain, like writing a fanwiki about the legal system depicted in The Trial.

But Harper and VdG come into contact.  And when this happens, VdG reacts to Harper by reading her “literally,” marveling over all the specific things she doesn’t know -- as anyone would, if they met such a person in real life.

This crossing of wires makes it increasingly difficult to wrest meaning out of either character’s situation.  It’s a meeting between two immiscible levels of description, a crossover romance between Josef K and Sister Carrie.  Reading Harper on her own, we might see her as a non-literal evocation of a “bored office worker.”  But when VdG meets Harper, he doesn’t meet an aimless white-collar everywoman; he meets a bizarre, presumably somehow very sick woman who does not know how old she is, who has never heard of Covid-19.

And now we have to take her that way too, as a sci-fi amnesiac or an Oliver Sacks case study.  But read that way, what exactly is Harper’s amnesia/emptiness doing, thematically?  By the end, it felt like the book itself didn’t know what to do with it anymore.

---------------

History has not ended.  Did anyone think it had?

Royce did.

And are meant to think that VdG did, too.  The words “history is ended” are associated with VdG from the start, and recur in his musings on art.  But this is asserted, not really evoked or made real.

This post clarified some things for me, about Bavitz’s intent with the “history is ended” motif.  But I don’t think the novel succeeded at realizing that intent.

Specifically, there is supposed to be a divide between the central pair, cocooned away from time / history / politics / the scraping of the cane, and everyone else, whose existence is inevitably political.  Bavitz writes:

This passage, placed early on, introduces the specter of political and racial violence that affects most of the supporting characters of the story and that does not at all affect the two main characters of the story. Papimon cannot return to Thailand due to the 2014 coup, Sister had to flee Switzerland for an unspecified legal reason, Mimmy is desperate not to get sent back to New Zealand where her abusive mother is waiting, and even Mark, who seems like the whitest, most traditional status quo embodiment in the story, is a Rhodesian who would have been forced to leave the country he was born in when he was a child. The political violence these characters face is often sidelined, mentioned only in passing, because the perspective of the two main characters is myopic and displaced from any sense of time or place, any sense of political reality. Over the course of the story, that myopic viewpoint is challenged, culminating in Gramme’s participation in the George Floyd protests/riots that finally shatter his illusions. (Harper’s illusion, at least in this regard, is not shattered. In the final chapter she plans at length for an idyllic, timeless future even as wildfires encroach upon her.)

This totally makes sense; one can imagine a novel fitting this description; it is not, however, a description of the characters I remember from CxC.

Is Harper’s perspective myopic?  Well, yes, extremely so -- but only via a sort of fantasy illness imposed upon her.  She ignores politics only as a special case of ignoring everything, including simple, brute facts about her surroundings which she has no emotional reason to shield herself from.  She does not flee from the political to the personal -- she doesn’t know the personal either!  She does not know who she is; she lacks ambitions, even myopic or sheltered ones.

Is VdG’s perspective myopic?  In a sense, yes?  We mostly see him working, and thinking about his work.  Either about the actual work itself, the lines and shapes, the hours spent on them -- or about the social and intellectual context of his vocation.

Is he sheltering himself from politics and history here?  The diagnosis feels both too cruel, and simply off.  He lives an economically marginal existence, thinks a lot about how he’ll scrape together the money he needs in the short term, and then thinks a lot about the labor he’ll have to do to make that happen.

When I look at VdG, shivering in squalor with Fletch and Dogshit and El-Marghichi (all of them politically marginal), spending most of his time working to make ends meet -- am I meant to see him as fundamentally like Harper (with her well-paid office job), and fundamentally unlike those shivering next to him?  One could make this case!  But the text of CxC does not, actually, make it.

And like, he’s a porn artist.  By choice, sure, I guess, but he does not seem like a guy who could switch careers safely on a moment’s notice.  The winds of politics, the ebb and flow of puritanism, the evolving public discourse over sex and gender -- surely these affect him, or could?  As with Fletch, he may not think himself interested in politics, but politics is interested in him.

Back to VdG and “history is ended.”  Is this an ideological belief of VdG’s?  A stable idyll, after politics, after history -- does VdG want this, care about it?

Again, this is asserted, but not really shown.  We’re occasionally reminded that VdG makes “videos,” and that he goes on (psuedo-)intellectual monologues in these videos, a la Royce.  But we never see the videos, the way we see so much else.  When they’re mentioned, they feel like tape hastily applied to the novel’s structure, a doomed attempt to secure the teetering “VdG - end of history” association in place.

Like, contrast VdG with Royce!  Royce absolutely does go on psuedo-intellectual monologues, safe in masturbatory (!) isolation from any outside force, even the people he’s ostensibly conversing with.  Cocooned away from any real knowledge of the subjects he opines on.

When we see Royce indifferent to police brutality, we believe it (and laugh, because a wonderful brick joke has just landed).  When we see VdG indifferent to political repression . . . wait, do we even see that?

What we see is, uh . . . VdG helping Mimmy and El-Marghichi escape from it . . . VdG keeping real-life company with people whose existence is political, 100% of his real-life associates fitting this description . . . VdG hearing there are protests outside and racing out to join them . . . okay, yeah, and then there’s the whole bit where he imagines himself a detached observer and then gets beat up.  But by this point, this feels like a long-planned story beat meant for a different character, one that VdG didn’t end up being.

This is weird, but I can’t un-see it: VdG and Royce feel like two halves of a single, thematically consistent character.

On his own, what exactly is Royce doing in the story?  Like, he’s hilarious, but you could excise him entirely and not much would have to change.

But Royce really is the sheltered man -- in whom politics takes no interest -- that the book wants us to think VdG is.  As if the full, ugly brunt of this trait was somehow displaced from VdG onto the harmless surface of a comedic, disposable side character.

When VdG says “history is ended,” he mostly means it in the context of his thoughts about art history.  And can you really blame the guy for having some opinions about the thing he does all day to get by?  While, elsewhere, Royce is having opinions about literally everything, informed by experience about approximately nothing.

---------------

Another instance where the novel feels like it wants to have an MC-like dynamic arc, and doesn’t, and suffers from it: the Consortium.

The Consortium is meant to feel empty at the end, when it’s just Sister and Car circling one another, deserving one another.

But it feels just as empty at the start!  It’s supposed to be an online community, but as far as I can remember, the only people we ever see in it are VdG, Sister, Car, and Alchemist.  (Are there ever any other speaking roles in there?  I’m not counting the receptionist, who I assumed was a bot.)

Mimmy used to be there, but isn’t now.  Alchemist/Harper is a newcomer, viewed with intermittent wariness.  So the Consortium community on the page is really just three people, talking to each other.

When one of these people temporarily leaves, the other two start complaining that it’s empty.  But there was never anyone else there -- no one important enough to get a name, anyway, much less dialogue.

Maybe this was deliberate?  Anyway, it confused me.

---------------

Other misc. stuff:

- This is pedantic, but the book almost never uses the vocative comma, which I found distracting.  Kept wondering if it was on purpose or not.  (I thought that “almost never” was going to be a “never,” but then in Ch 38 we get “Enjoy it, Mark” a few times, right next to e.g. “But something will always be scraping at your back Mark.”)

- The RP scenes were really good!!  I liked how the emotions of the roleplayers would subtly bleed through, which could easily have been overdone, but wasn’t.  And how the scenes were actually hot.  Not as in “I personally found them hot” (I didn’t . . . well, okay, I admit the Xenosaga riff one got me, a bit).  But they felt like authentic depictions of something that someone would actually like, where another author might just have gone for gawking and/or comedy alone.

- There were some really fun bits of foreshadowing, or of information being conveyed first and then cast in a very different light later.  I’m thinking of Mimmy’s offhand comment about “that drafty decrepit Detroit mansion with its upper floors commandeered by homeless people,” after the strange earlier description of (what VdG views as) “creatures.”  (On that note, the weird literal-zombie-squatters thing deserves more comment, but this is already long.)  Also, the guy Mimmy repeatedly notices outside her apartment turning out to be the author of the Letters to Mark.

- Stuff I’m still wondering about:

-- The falling chandelier.  It apparently fell some time before the first mansion scene, but then its fall occurs in the fantasy-RP version of the mansion (transmuted into Villa Diodati), suggesting it had some symbolic importance to El-Marghichi.  What really happened?  Probably unknowable, unless I missed it.

-- The association between office-Mark and Mimmy (names, canes).  Why?  It’s very noticeable, but I have no idea what to make of it.

-- The red text when Royce quotes Jesus.  This is a reference to the Biblical printing tradition where Christ’s words would be in red, but what’s it doing in the book?  I assumed this was important at first, which set me off on this whole thing about Harper being an angel (”Harper Praise”).  I felt clever about this idea but in the end there’s not much else in the book it can make sparks with.

[kenkamishiro]

Lost in Translation: Choujin X chapter 1

Fun fact, I was planning to do fan translations for Choujin X with a scan group until it could get a simulpub release, though I didn’t expect it to get one from the very first chapter lol. I’m happy though since it means everyone can read it right away and it doesn’t mess up my schedule.

So instead I’ll be making comparison notes between the EN and JP text to supplement the official translation. I’m not doing this because the official TL is bad (I actually think it’s pretty solid and I hope it will maintain this quality) but because it’s inevitable for something to be lost in translation, and it’s nice to have that additional context for theory crafting and whatnot.

If you want to read it on Twitter instead, the original thread is here, but this is the proofread and way more detailed version 😄

This translation isn’t wrong, but there’s an emphasis on それ (which is TLed as ‘it’) that connotes a stronger, “other, that thing” feeling that isn’t present here. The general idea behind this sentence is: That [becoming a Choujin] resembles more of a disease [than a transformation].

Ely talks like a tomboy, she uses rougher speech patterns and the pronoun オラ (ora), a derivative of the masculine 'ore'. But it's a bit old-fashioned (eg. すまなんだ) which makes sense considering her upbringing with her grandfather on a farm. Hence her country bumpkin speech pattern in English.

Not sure if I should use Ellie or Ely? Ellie makes more sense based on the kana, but Ishida explicitly called her Ely so I might stick with Ely for now... (also istg that blond guy with the huge chin is a reference, I've seen him somewhere)

Tokio, I know your teacher is annoying, but it's rude to call her that lol. This is basically the oppai equivalent of paisen (senpai backwards, it’s slangier). Similar thing actually happened with Ely describing her dream hubby as Goldilocks instead of blond; ‘kinpatsu’ (blond hair) was inverted to become ‘patsukin’, hence the translation as Goldilocks.

Kurohara Tokio (黒原トキオ) and Higashi Azuma (東アヅマ). Kurohara is a common surname, means 'black fields'. Tokio is in katakana, so it’s hard to say what kanji it could be. 'Toki' could be 時 (time) or 外喜 (outside + delight). The 'o' can be the common male name suffix 男 (boy).

But when I think of Tokio, I think of TK's song called 'tokio'. You can read the translated lyrics here. If these lyrics end up being relevant to Tokio's character development I will eat my shoe lol.

Higashi means 'east'. Azuma (which can also be romanized as Aduma, it’s a softer ‘zu’ sound which is why Tokio called Azuma ‘Aju’ earlier in the chapter before correcting himself) is an archaic form of ‘east’. So...this guy is literally East East. The Choujin X equivalent of Moon Moon 😂

Someone also informed me that Higashi Azuma is a station in Tokyo, though the kana are slightly different (アヅマ／あづま vs. あずま). They effectively sound the same though nowadays, if I have to be honest. It’s like comparing the difference between 애 and 에 in Korean.

Tbh this is minor, but worth mentioning just cause it changes the meaning a bit. Tokio is saying something more like, “Why are we even talking about this [the roly-polies] again?”

I think I heard people talking about how the official TL doesn’t match the original text, but personally I really like how this was translated! Sis is using the expression  「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」, which literally means “boiling the dirt under someone’s fingernails and drinking it”. By taking the dirt/grime under the fingernails of someone that you admire, and boiling it and drinking it like a tea, you can become more like them.

But because idioms don’t tend to directly translate well between languages, translators often have to adapt it so that the meaning still remains the same. In English the closest idiom we have to this is “rubbing off on someone.” The “holding hands” bit was added to replace the physical aspect of “taking the dirt from someone’s fingernails” and also contribute to Sis’s sassy and very informal way of speaking.

So Sis is saying in JP (ignoring her personal speech style for now):

You should take the dirt from under [Azuma's] fingernails and boil it so you can be more like him.

And now in ENG it becomes:

You guys should hold hands or something, then maybe he’ll rub off on you.

It now sounds natural in English, still carries the same meaning as the original text, and also suits the character’s speech pattern.

Moving on, in that same panel the literal TL of Tokio’s dialogue is, “Policeman Azuma got dispatched again today,” emphasizing Azuma’s heroic deeds along with his family connections to the police. Another thing I want to note is that this is the second time Azuma has been called 偉い (erai) so far - noble, and now great guy. I’ll just dump the general English definition of 偉い from Jisho here so you get the general idea:

Great; excellent; admirable; remarkable; distinguished; important; celebrated; famous; eminent

But you can tell from how people describe Azuma as 偉い that others look up to him, think he’s a great person and Mr. Perfect. Always being placed on a pedestal by others. (What are the odds this will affect his mentality after the Choujin serum?)

The meaning is still pretty much the same, but I’ll offer a slightly different perspective. Sis mentions that if she were Tokio, she’d burst from the [Azuma] complex. (Clearly Tokio and Azuma's relationship is gonna crack at some point)

Tokio mentions an idiom about hawks (taka) before recalling his childhood memory about vultures. Vultures are called 'hagewashi', but in the chapter it mentions they can also be called 'hagetaka' (buzzard/condor, literally bald hawk).

The kids call him names like "Hagetaka Tokio" and "Hageo". But Hagetaka Tokio only really works in JP cause Hagetaka kinda mimics his last name (Buzzard Tokio doesn't give the same vibe). Same with Hageo. Hage-o = Bald-o = Baldy.

I also think Buzzard was chosen over another name for a vulture like Condor because Buzzard can pass off as an insult.

I would have translated this as, “I wanted to be a lion too...” but this is just personal preference.

A continuation of the 「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」 expression Sis used earlier. Without the adapted idiom the exchange goes something like this:

Tokio: My sister said I should bring home the dirt from under your nails. Can I have some?

Azuma: ...huh? What for, that’s scary. No way.

Tokio: I have to boil it and drink it, apparently.

Azuma: Don’t even think about boiling or drinking it.

But since the 「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」 expression was modified to make it sound natural in English, it means this conversation has to be modified too.

JP: My sister said I should bring home the dirt from under your nails. Can I have some?

EN: My sister says we should hold hands...so I can be more like you. What do you think?

The “dirt from under your nails” part got adapted to “holding hands”, hence how the 1st line from Tokio becomes, “My sister says we should hold hands...so I can be more like you.” “Can I have some?” makes no sense now in this context now, so it was changed to “What do you think?” as a question to Azuma to keep the similar conversation flow going.

JP: ...huh? What for, that’s scary. No way.

EN: Huh? What’re you talking about? No thanks.

Azuma’s next line is similar enough to the JP text except for the removal of “scary”. I think the reason it was most likely removed is because leaving it as it is could be constituted as homophobic (2 boys holding hands, absolutely nothing scary about it as bible thumpers would like people to believe).

JP: I have to boil it and drink it, apparently.

EN: She said to hold hands so you’ll rub off on me.

Tokio’s response to that is explaining what he meant by his proposal. In the original text he lays out the latter half of the idiom (he doesn’t even realize it’s an expression, poor boy), and in English he does something similar by going into why his sister said they should hold hands (so Azuma can rub off on Tokio).

JP: Don’t even think about boiling or drinking it.

EN: C’mon. That’s not how things work.

Azuma’s then rebuts Tokio’s proposal as ridiculous. In the original text he drops a typical straight man response (don’t do *insert whatever ridiculous thing the idiot suggested*). But since Tokio’s proposal in English isn’t as preposterous, his rebuttal is toned down in response by telling him not to take it literally.

Ultimately, even though a lot of this dialogue was changed, I still think it was successful in maintaining the original’s intent. Tokio takes his sister’s sarcastic suggestion literally and brings it up to Azuma, who dismisses it as silly. It would be nice if we could keep the expression as it was in Japanese, but in instances like this where it’s played off of in multiple lines, that’s easier said than done.

軟体 isn’t an actual word, it’s made up of the kanji soft + body. So kinda like Elastigirl, but Flexi was chosen instead. It doesn’t sound 100% right, but I don’t think I could come up with anything better.

Replacing the しい in 楽しい with the C plus that elongated pronunciation makes Johnny sound even more like a stereotypical Yankee, which is why he sounds like that in English 😂

Random but I found it interesting how Azuma called Johnny a youkai (妖怪) instead of something like bakemono (化け物) or obake (お化け) since they’re shapeshifting monsters.

Tokio is worried that if he doesn't do something right now, he's going to lose his friendship with Azuma. The sentence is fine as it is though.

Azuma’s line can also be worded as, "No hard feelings, okay?"

Bestial = 獣化 (juuka) = beast+change = beast transformation

That’s it from me, if you have questions about the TL feel free to send an ask or reply to this post, I promise I’ll check my inbox more often this time 😂

[theartofdreaming1]

Partners - Part 8: The Breakthrough

Rating: T

Pairing: DickBabs

Summary:  Looking for ways to take down corrupt Chief Redhorn, Dick and Barbara make a surprising discovery. My DickBabs police officers AU.

You can also read this chapter at AO3 or start from the beginning on my blog

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Over the course of the next weeks, their regular jobs and their work for the Circle claimed most of Dick and Barbara’s time. While they were making good progress building their case for the feds, there was still one thing missing - even with their combined efforts, they had not yet managed to get anything substantial on Chief Redhorn himself.

“As long as we have nothing to charge Redhorn with, we can’t make our move,” Amy had explained in their last meeting with a grave mien, “it’s too dangerous - by the time something might come up to indict Redhorn as well, he could have figured out who supplied the FBI with the info necessary to take down his cronies and knowing him, he will have made some ‘arrangements’ so that won’t ever happen again - and frankly, I’m not willing to take these chances.”

Barbara’s “digital hunting expeditions” hadn’t yielded anything of interest either.

“Ugh,” she’d grumbled irritably after yet another attempt that left them with nothing to show for but an evening wasted,”this is pointless; Redhorn is of the old school - probably does everything face-to-face that isn’t already well-established in this syndicate he has been building up since the 90’s! He probably doesn’t even know that his computer has a calendar function!” 

Barbara had closed her laptop with a huff.

“If we want to get our hands on some incriminating evidence, we’re gonna have to track down some good old-fashioned paper trail - and finding that is going to require a freaking miracle.”

***

“Hey, remember that miracle you mentioned a week ago?”

Barbara looked up from her laptop, her previous frustration from another pointless try morphing into confusion, “uh-huh?”

She looked at the bags with their takeout in Dick’s hand, amused: “Why, did you find our miracle while getting Chinese?”

“Maybe,” Dick replied, visibly excited.

“How so?” 

Barbara stowed away her laptop in the compartment of the coffee table, while Dick was setting up their food on the table top.

“Well, I actually dropped by Hogan’s before getting our food and he told me something that could be a potential lead,” Dick explained, handing Barbara some chopsticks and her dumplings before plopping down on the couch.

“Spill.”

“Well, Hogan’s heard some rumors of Redhorn being in a pretty bad mood recently and that he seems to be on a pretty relentless search for someone…”

Barbara’s heart lurched. 

“Well, that doesn’t sound exactly good for us, does it?”

“That was my first thought as well,” Dick admitted honestly, taking a bite of his spring rolls. “However, according to what Hogan picked up, it seems to be related to something or someone super personal to Redhorn - apparently Mac Arnot complained about getting told off for asking “too many damn questions”; and well, as you know, Arnot always prides himself on being all chummy with our dear Chief.”

“Ugh, terrible sycophant that man.” Barbara said, her disgust displayed plainly on her face.

Dick let out a chuckle.

“You don’t have to tell me twice - he was actually enrolled at the academy at the same time as me; despite rarely attending our lessons, he surprisingly managed to start off his career as an inspector, which is not even an official position at the BPD - but we’re getting off the track here. The real question is: Who is Redhorn looking for? If he’s that secretive about their identity and connection to him that he won’t give plain orders and explanations to his lackeys, it must be someone really close to him…”

Dick trailed off with a knowing look in his eye, clearly creating a pause for dramatic effect as he was preparing to drop a bomb on her.

Barbara couldn’t help rolling her eyes fondly.

Always with the theatrics.

She gestured for Dick to move on, almost dropping the dumpling that was wedged between the chopsticks she was holding in that same hand.

“Well, it’s conjecture, but Hogan remembered that, way back, when he was still in harness, there had been rumors of Redhorn having gotten married- what if he’s looking for his wife?!”

“His wife?” Barbara echoed, surprise evident on her face. In her mind, she combed through the scarce information she had gone over during her research, but she drew a complete blank on the chief’s marital status. To be fair, she hadn’t considered nosing around in such private, familial matters (she might act as an information broker, but she was no creep) and Redhorn didn’t exactly strike her as husband material or a family man, but now that she was looking back on it, the complete lack of information on his marital status was kind of odd-

“Now that you mention it, I don’t recall having seen any information on Redhorn’s marital status whatsoever,” Barbara said carefully.

She noticed the excited spark in Dick’s eyes.

“At the very least, it sounds suspicious, doesn’t it?”

Barbara nodded, “Definitely worth checking out.”

“Of course,” Dick mused, clearly trying to rein in his excitement over this new potential stepping stone in their investigation, “even if Redhorn is looking for his wife, there is still the question of why - has she been kidnapped by other criminals who could be blackmailing him? Has she simply left him and he’s trying to get her back?” He gestured vaguely, as if to illustrate the endless possibilities.“But my point is, if Redhorn is married, his wife could potentially have information that could be useful to us.”

“Well, how useful that could end up being for us really depends on how attached she is to her husband,” Barbara pointed out, “she could invoke marital privileges and refuse to testify against her husband even if she knows of his wrongdoings... If she wants to leave him, however, she might be more inclined to help us…”

Dick nodded, a grin on his face: “Should that hypothetical wife exist, that is.”

Barbara chuckled, already shoving the half-empty take out container to the side to make space for her laptop.

She snatched her computer from the table’s compartment, opened the lid, and booted it up: “Let’s find out, shall we?”

***

Now that she knew what she was looking for, it didn’t take Barbara long to unearth the sought-after information:

“Here we go: 23 years ago, Delmore Redhorn, age 31, married Mary Wallmer, age 20, in a private ceremony in the small fishing town of Snug Cay-” a few clicks on her touchpad and a couple of strokes of her keyboard later- ”Mary was born and raised in Snug Cay, born to Albert and Lucille Wallmer, recently deceased, no siblings.”

Barbara’s eyes raced over the texts and documents, sifting through them for relevant information.

“While in high school, Mary worked at the nearby summer camp as a counselor. After high school, she enrolled in an office course to train to become a secretary… Then worked as a secretary for a small housing firm in Blüdhaven for a while… until the owner of the firm was assaulted and shot dead in his office in broad daylight, with Mary right in the next room.”

Barbara felt Dick next to her shudder. What she read next did nothing to allay her own contempt for the perpetrators of this crime:

“Apparently, the firm had had a few properties over at Avalon Heights, in Freddy Minh’s territory, something the mobster hadn’t appreciated.”

Dick let out a sound of disgust.

Barbara read on: “First responder to the crime was a certain Officer Delmore Redhorn… the wedding took place six months later.”

Scrolling through the data, Barbara tried to find any other entry of employment for Mary. Nothing.

“Doesn’t look like Mary took up another job after that.”

“Not that surprising, considering...”

“From the wedding onward, there is very little info on Mary herself… hmm, a nearly dormant facebook account, maybe that’ll yield something later… oh, wait, here’s something!”

Barbara’s eyes widened.

“Oh.”

When no further elaboration followed, Dick shifted closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what she was staring at.

“What’d you find?!”

Barbara moved the laptop so Dick could get a better look at her screen: “A birth record.”

Looking up from the screen, Dick looked at her uncomprehendingly: “So?”

“It’s not Mary’s birth record - it’s from thirteen years ago; it’s the birth record of her son.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“And the father?”

Barbara tapped her screen, “Redhorn.”

“Huh.”

“Yup... A wife and a son would definitely qualify as “close connections”, don’t you think?”

Dick grinned: “Kinda.”

Barbara smiled back, buzzing with excitement, now that this angle opened up a whole new perspective.

“Give me another hour to figure out whether this is connected to Redhorn’s troubles,” Barbara declared confidently, about to dig deeper into the piles of data ready at her fingertips. She paused briefly, looking at Dick, who had moved to the edge of the sofa, about to get up, “would you-”

“- put on some coffee?” He finished her sentence for her, smiling.

”Way ahead of you.”

***

About one hour and two cups of coffee later, Barbara was ready to present Dick with the findings of her latest cyber expedition:

“Okay, so let me show you this online chat: It’s mainly frequented by well-to-do middle class moms in the Gotham-Blüdhaven-area and their exchanges are mostly a mix of discussions on the deficits and benefits of local schools, challenges of achieving a good work-life-balance, complaints about their unruly offspring, and tips on where to find an excellent yoga instructor - but one thread stood out among the rest: A concerned user talking about how the recurring rumors of corruption in the police department and mayoral office are worrying her because she’s afraid her husband could be wrongly accused of being “mixed up in such dreadful things”. The user name? SnugCayfish78.”

Dick let out a whistle.

“Sounds like you’ve struck gold.”

Barbara grinned triumphantly: “Right? And there is more, my friend… Aside from recurring mentions of her concerns, SnugCayfish78 also dropped this bomb two weeks ago:

“He doesn’t tell me much of his work (I know that he doesn’t want me to worry), but I can tell that ever since another of his subordinate officers was arrested, something is weighing heavily on my husband… If only there was a way for me to ease his burden. Has anyone any ideas? Maybe the social calendars I’ve been keeping all these years will finally come in handy! Being able to show that my husband has only ever been in contact with the upstanding members of the public that have been so deeply invested in building up the Blüdhaven we know and love now, must certainly prove that my darling would never associate with such dishonorable policemen that are involved in corruption! Hopefully, this will be enough to lay my husband’s worries to rest.”

… and that’s the last entry from this account. Coincidentally, that is also the date Redhorn’s son posted his last picture on instagram.”

Dick gave her a meaningful look.

“Sounds to me like Mary just realized that her husband might not have been some innocent bystander in the sea of corruption that makes up Blüdhaven’s elite and decided to go underground. As an added bonus, Summer break started last week, so even if Mary just grabbed her son and left, there’s no danger of inquiries from school.”

“Would fit with what we have found out so far,” Barbara agreed, “of course, there is still the question of what Mary’s planning on doing with the information she has at hand and what Rehorn’s planning to do once he finds her…”

Dick hummed in agreement, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Considering how her entire world view has been turned on its head, she probably doesn’t even know what to do now that she has discovered her husband’s vest is anything but squeaky clean,” he reasoned,”but maybe she’d be open to handing over this evidence she’s kept unintentionally all these years.”

“Maybe,” Barbara agreed, “nothing I have found suggests that Mary had been involved in Redhorn’s illegal activities in any way; I guess she was truly ignorant of them until now. As for Redhorn - keeping in mind how he appears to be unwilling to deploy his goons in the “usual” manner, I guess we can assume that he actually does care about Mary and doesn’t want her and their son to get hurt… That being said, I have no idea whether his love for them wins out over his sense of self-preservation,” she finished grimly.

Dick nodded, steely determination displayed openly across his features: “Which is exactly why we need to be the ones to find her first.”

“Agreed.”

“You think you can find Mary and their son before Redhorn does?”

Barbara gave Dick a confident smile: “Even if Mary was a Luddite like her husband - she’s in hiding with a teen; I’ll find them, don’t you worry.“

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to be continued.... here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes:

Nightwing #33: Mac Arnot talks to Dick in the cafeteria of the police academy and Dick finds out that they are supposedly in the same class although he hasn't seen Arnot attend any of his classes; Arnot just shrugs it off, explaining that he's "kinda advanced"

Nightwing #42: Chief Redhorn makes Mac Arnot an Inspector (based on shifty recommendations), while Dick gets turned down when applying for a job at the BPD

Nightwing #47: Chief Ebersol (who was appointed Chief while Redhorn took off for some time, hiding from Blockbuster, I think) points out that the BPD doesn't have an official position of Inspector, while Arnot lets Ebersol know that *he* will be running things in the background until Redhorns gets back... oh and he vaguely threatens Ebersol's family (I flipping hate Arnot, ugh)

Nightwing# 71-74: Mary Redhorn (née Wallmer) is important in this story arc; she's Redhorn's wife and is from Snug Cay (although they got married 33 years ago in the comics), Dick followed her all over Europe when police and Blockbuster's goons were coming after her for having a journal that detailed Redhorn's social contacts with plenty of questionable characters; in the comics, Mary's just super naive and probably wanted to use this journal to clear his name, having no idea how closely her husband was entangled in the corruption that is running rampant in Blüdhaven - I wanted to make Mary a little less clueless and give her a bit more agency/motive by having her be protective of a son that I made up

Nightwing #59: Dick wants to drop by Freddy Minh's in Avalon, only to find that Freddy Minh has been dead for some time, his empire now run by his wife, Madame Minh (I assume Chuck Dixon is referring to Avalon Heights and not Avalon Hill, because Avalon Hill is on the outskirts of Blüdhaven, basically in the middle of nowhere, whereas Avalon Heights is situated a bit more centrally, with access to some docks, according to the map in Nightwing Secret Files and Origins #1)

[dragonnan]

Author Interview Tag

Tagged by @aelaer a week or two ago, thank you!

Name: Tanya (among family I'm Nan or Auntie Nanny)

Fandoms: Sherlock, MCU, Psych, Prodigal Son, and a goodly collection of others

Where you post: For a number of years I posted on FFN but between the really shitty reviews and extremely cumbersome posting process I finally quit.  I posed on Psychfic while still an active part of that fandom but that, too, has pretty much ended.  I put a few stories on Wattpad but found it to be pretty meh. I now post exclusively to AO3.

Most popular multi-chapter fic: It's a tossup between “Fury” on Psychfic and “All Nighter” on AO3 – one based on comments and the other on Kudos.  Frankly “popularity” is really subjective because there's also stuff like read count and with comments, at least nearly half are replies from me and read count also includes re-reads as well as every time I clicked on the damn thing to edit so....

You know I'm just really not sure how to properly answer this??

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Like others have stated you can ask me this on three different days and get three different answers and there will be more than 1 fic mentioned every time so.... Because I write in different fandoms I just absolutely can't list a single fic.  The best I can narrow it would a fic from my top 3 fandoms.

Psych: Paint it Black.  I had read a fic where Shawn was gradually going blind and had really been enjoying it and the challenges it presented.  Sadly it was never completed.  As has happened before I decided I would write my own damn fic if I couldn't get a completed story so that was the primary motivation to start this.  What I most love about this is writing from Shawn's perspective as he navigates being blind and not knowing whether or not his condition is permanent.  I did my best to honor the experience of blind and partially blind people and tried to look beyond the cliché.

MCU: I have so much fun writing these stories! In spite of the dumpster fire the film canon became I do so love this sandbox and employing various forms of unfucking it.  So I'm gonna cheat a little and pick two for my faves here since one is a WIP.  Sed Diabolus.  I don't need to have completed it yet to know this will be my all-time favorite.  This is the first fic that has been entirely plotted out and OMG I'm so excited for iiiit!!  The second is Simple Math which seems like an odd choice given there's zero action – mostly just one character – hell, not even any whump.  But there is something about that deep dive into Tony's mindset that keeps this as a fave even though it was the first thing I ever wrote for the MCU.  I learned about Tony as I wrote this and I also worked my way through those motivations that bothered me regarding Stane.  Even years later I still mentally go back to this fic whenever I write Tony because I feel encapsulates the essence of how I see him as a character.

Sherlock:  Compared to other fandoms I'm still quite new to this fandom so I don't have nearly as many fics.  But I still have a favorite!  And, like with the MCU, it's the first story I ever wrote for this fandom; The Tiger and the Shark. Returning to a plot device I've employed in other fics, this one is built around a sexual assault and taking the character on a journey from that terrible event to the point where they rediscover themselves.  PTSD ever being my favorite form of whump I employ that fairly a lot in this story and employ some kinda radical methods for coping with those memories.  

Fic you were nervous to post: I mean until I start getting comments I'm a world of anxiety with every story I post.  But grabbing a specific fic that hit my nerves – that Sherlock fic I'd said was my fave certainly qualified.  Not only was it my first Sherlock fic – it also was charging out of the gate with a very heavy topic so yeah – I wasn't sure if people would absolutely hate it or find my characterizations totally off or what.

How you choose your titles: It varies a bit.  In some stories, like Sed Diabolus, I actually consult friends on various ideas.  Other times I'll consider songs or lyrics and my favorite thing is if I can alter the known title just a bit to make it more relevant to the fic (I did that a LOT with Psych fics which was the method the show also employed for its episode titles).  One of my favorite Psych titles is “The Wizard Was the Wicked Witch and the Scarecrow Lost His Courage”.  

Do you outline: Almost never – not until “Sed Diabolus”.  That story, though, is so astoundingly complex that without an outline I'd be hopelessly lost.  I am, though, trying to make a practice of outlining more because it helps SO much!

Complete: If we count every one-shot collection and challenge collection it likely is over 200 stories. Of course a lot of those are one-shots.  My total completed chaptered fics number maybe around 34?

In progress: 16 – between Psychfic and AO3.  All Psych stories are on long-term hiatus for the foreseeable future (some, honestly, I will never finish as they are many many years old and I've lost the inspiration for the plot). Several MCU stories are also on the back-burner while I focus on “Sed Diabolus”.  I admit I get LOTS of story ideas and staying focused on a single fic is not something I've ever been greatly successful with.

Coming soon/not yet started: I meaaaan.... lots?? I have probably several hundred ideas and partially started fics across many fandoms.  As to “imminently coming soon...” I don't think I currently have an active story that I haven't already posted at least a first chapter.  Sadly I have zero patience for developing something for months before posting which is why I have so many WIPs.  That said I DO have a Sherlock au that has been poking at me now and then involving the witch trials that started in Denmark and, eventually, made their way to Salem.  The idea would be that Molly Hooper is accused of being a witch.  She, of course, is innocent but cause this unfortunate attention due to her “uncanny” ability to heal the sick and injured (not so much uncanny as opposed to employing methods that aren't so reliant on superstition and folklore).  

She is scheduled to be tortured and executed but is saved by Sherlock – a strange recluse primarily ignored and given a pass as he solves mysteries for people. He and his friend John save Molly from this awful fate. The twist is that Sherlock is a sorcerer (bit of marvel crossover-ish) and able to transport them to safety.  

Do you accept prompts: I wish I could cause I love ideas but I don't have the time/energy to always work on what I already have and I'm awful at follow thru.  Like I will never turn away an Ask wanting to share ideas but I can't promise that I can actually write anything.

Upcoming story you are most excited to write:  As was the reply to a previous query – I have lots that are ideas that will linger in partial stages for sometimes years.  If it's “upcoming” I've already posted the first chapter lol!  But, again, I have several story ideas that whenever I poke through my folders I get excited about someday actually writing them.  Here is a teaser for an MCU fic involving Tony Stark and Obie (I still feel this was never explored enough – certainly not in fic):

They were doing a retrospective, ten year anniversary kinda... whatever.  Unofficial, of course. Certainly nothing Pepper would have dreamed up even at her most drunk (which, honestly, was never her scene.  Tony had sorta owned that space well beyond the time it had started owning him).  Whose idea it ultimately had been?  Frankly Tony couldn't give a fuck.  That he was asked to be one of the speakers was slightly more... awkward. Awkward was the right word, yeah?  Nauseating was certainly another and possibly a bit more accurate.

Dead for a decade and Obadiah Stane still managed to fuck with his life.

But... it hadn't always been that way. At least, not as he'd believed back when the Walkman had been on every kid's Christmas list.  

He'd thought it was bonding; at the time.  His dad had never been one for just hanging out; shooting the shit; telling tales out of school.  No, Pops, when he bothered to interact, led with questions.  “You keeping your grades up?” “You still seeing that floozy?” “When are you going to pull your head out of your ass and grow the hell up?” “You do realize it's my name you're disgracing every time you go on a bender?”

With Obie it was just, easy.  Obie might ask about school but it was always with approval and pride.  He would discuss Tony's conquests as though Tony had climbed Kilimanjaro wearing nothing but underwear and a cape.    

Obie was there when his father wasn't. Which meant that Obie was always there.  The first time he got astoundingly drunk on his father's scotch, Obie was the one to help him hunch over the toilet and vomit expensive, aged booze into the toilet.  Obie was also the one to replace the depleted bottle to keep Howard in the dark.  For a fourteen year old kid still trying to gain his dad's favor, that had meant everything.

He saw his first porn with Obie; sex education ala Traci Lords, three months shy of his fifteenth birthday.  That was the same time he was introduced to weed.  Obie had cautioned him to use it sparingly; didn't want to fry that genius brain, he'd say, and ruffle his hair.  The porn had made him uncomfortable.  Obie had turned it off and told him they could watch whatever Tony wanted.  They'd ended up changing the station to Knight Rider; smoking and munching Cheetos and laughing over their orange fingers.

It was Obie who was there, arm around his shoulders, after his parents died.  He desperately didn't want to sob in front of the man.  Things were so complicated with his dad that all he felt was blinding guilt... as though some part of him had caused this.  But Obie had filled him with bourbon until the emotions got soft around the edges and he'd sat beside the older man, head tipping gradually to the right until he was held up by Obie's shoulder.  Obie had just slung an arm around him and let Tony pass out while he rubbed a broad hand up and down his bicep.

It was strange, now, looking back with adult perspective.  A perspective that included Afghanistan and his intended execution while Obie talked about legacy and responsibility while Tony's lungs slowly seized.  He'd taken the time to sit there – arm around Tony's shoulders while one broad hand traveled up and down Tony's bicep – just like when he was a kid and Obie was the whole world.

He'd tried to remember if it had felt so... tainted... at the time.  Or if he'd always believed it was love.

Obie had never quite crossed that line. Though hindsight offered a peek into that possibility with enough clarity Tony had fought with his cramping gut for nearly thirty minutes.  He'd staved off vomiting though he was fairly certain his dignity had still been in tatters what with Bruce wandering in on his misery.

Upcoming story you are most excited about (this is basically a repeat of the above question so I decided to change it.  Do you have a future story idea you'd like to write that is not yet beyond the vague idea stage?  I love stories that put Molly in some sort of jeporady and I have a barely formed idea to someday write a “stalker fic” of some sort and not I don't care that this trope had been done on  repeat – I still love it lol!  I have a smidge of writing for it:

“I need your help.”

As afternoons at Baker Street went, this was a mundane request heard so often that Sherlock's typical reply, “Obviously, or you wouldn't be here”, could have been printed on flash cards.  The detective had actually made the suggestion after a particularly full day at the flat and having heard the statement no less than twenty times.  

Today, however, Sherlock merely blinked for a moment.  Then, with an awkwardness rare to a man with a lethal sort of grace in his movements, Sherlock gestured to John's chair, JOHN'S CHAIR, before taking his usual seat.

Molly didn't exactly smile but her lips edged up a bit before she sat.

John cleared his throat before pointing a vague hand towards the kitchen.  “I'll just go make some tea, shall I?”

“No, please, I...”  The stammer in her speech was not uncommon; though John couldn't recall such obvious fear.  Forgoing the kitchen he, instead, took the hard wooden chair facing the other two.

“Molly, what's wrong?”

Tagging: @kitcat992 @mizjoely @sgam76 @ariaadagio @hanuko @ceruleanmindpalace 

[ouroboros-panacea]

Stone [石头]-Discoveries-[2/?]

Summary: [JJBA x HNK] "Phosphophyllite, my name is Phosphophyllite." Such is your useless life, no matter how many changes you make, how strong you become. Your life will still simply be a tragedy, and you, forever useless. The tale of a gem who suffered because of change, and an ancient being who wanted to change. An odd friendship it'd be. Rebirth seems more like a curse than anything. It would be nice if this didn't end with tragedy. {Disclaimer- I don't own hnk or jjba}

<Previous Chapter> <Next Chapter>

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Kars.

His name was Kars.

Short and simple, yet unique..

Phosphophyllite wasn’t sure if that was the case for him, but she at least knew that he was dangerous. He'd easily be able to smash her up into small, jagged pieces of, well, her. She didn't know why she'd break like glass instead of turning into a floppy, wide-eyed corpse, like the faces of the ground she stood upon just moments back. But it felt right to know she'd disappear like that.

To disappear from the world.

Strangely the thought of it didn’t scare her as much as it should've.

In fact, relief was all she felt in her non-existent heart.

So she kept staring.

At him.

Kars stared at her.

She stared back.

Seeing as the other child wouldn’t speak to him, he decided to initiate the much needed conversation himself.

“Your name then?”

He was met with silence.

Dull eyes peered into his own.

She could've been easily mistaken for a standing corpse, with the pale white pallor of her skin and lifeless mint green eyes.

She hadn’t answered him yet though. 

How rude, seeing as he already gave his own name to her. Still, he waited for her. The silence wasn’t that bad anyways, he was patient enough.

The question hung in the air for a few more seconds, until Phosphophyllite realized Kars had asked her a question. Eyes widening by a fraction, she straightened up from her previous hunched over posture. Her mouth opened-her eyes gaining a hint of light in them-prepared to speak, and a small whisper came out.

“My name? It’s Phosphophyllite.”

They were both anomalies to each other, a mystery in one way or another.

Yet they had both taken up the role of the "villain" in their respective tales, their own timeline.

But was this not a time for rejoicing? (Not that they would know). To be given a second chance in life was a beautiful thing.

Yet now there were new balls to juggle.

One small mistake would lead to the same bad end again.

Phosphophyllite?

What a strange name.

It was excessively long, almost uselessly so. It seemed more like a title than a name.

But he couldn't judge, some of his own had stranger names than that. So he accepted it. Wasn't that hard to do so anyways.

But now he really needed to know how on Earth did this possibly human child end up here in the first place? Why did she look so.. different from the other humans he's seen?

Normal humans didn't wear such strange clothing, covering their skin in a skin tight way. Most of them merely just threw a piece of cloth over their body and that was deemed as clothing. Nothing more, nothing less. Though there had been some particularly different people...experimenting? Yes, yes, experimenting with their newly found ore and time.

It didn't even remotely look like this Phosphophyllite's "Clothes".

Another curiosity was her hair. Whenever any moonlight hit parts of it, the mint green strands seemed to solidify and crystallize into chunks of imitation hair, except with minerals. It would almost sparkle, which was weird because hair should not sparkle and catch the light like that. Yet in the dark it looked very much like normal human hair-with it's wispy strands sticking out at out angles and the original vibrant mint dulling down in the shadows.

Then he looked down to her arms, and spotted what looked like...hairline fractures? On a human arm, which was made of flesh and flesh did not crack like fragile gemstones. Then he blinked and they were gone, a golden sheen covering any part of Phos' body that had fractured.

Curiouser and curiouser.

He needed the answers to the flurry of questions inside his head, right now, and what better way to do so than simply asking?

“Let us get straight to the point, shall we? So how did you get here?”

“I..I'm not sure my myself. I only remember waking up to a horrible smell…” She answered. Phosphophyllite did remember fragments of other supposed memories, but she didn’t quite think they were rather relevant to the question he asked. Would simply babbling about shattering gems, Lunarians (What were those actually? All she remembered was burning hate and a cold, cold acceptance), and...something about hardness, toughness-The components of her daily life?

These "memories" felt personal, in no way did she want to tell this stranger. An image of a pale white being in wispy robes (or was it a formal suit?) was brought to her mind as she slowly got to "know" Kars. Somehow, this made her trust him even less with this image in her mind. But 

'Well, that was helpful.' Kars thought. 'Possibly complete and total memory loss, judging from her state.'

He decided to ask her another question, though the most likely outcome would be a negative as well. Even then, it was worth a try. You'd never know what happened from actually trying something, sometimes they would yield results, others not so much.

The "not so much" was applicable to this one.

“Then, where did you living before you found yourself here? Was it somewhere near here?"

“I’m sorry, but I can’t remember...maybe I could stay with you for now? I don’t think I have anywhere else to go…I'll try not to be a bother and help with anything you need. So can I stay with you for a while?" Again, Phosphophyllite could not tell him anything (About a world where she wasn't there, gone because of her).

'She's kind of gullible' That single thought echoed through Kars' mind. But he had focus on the decision on hand right now-to allow this human to tag along with him and back to the rest of kind, where there was a possibility that his current object of curiosity would get killed or eaten. Or to just dump her here and forget about this "encounter". Option 2 seemed safer for her...so...

...Nah. Since when did he, Kars, care about a measly mortal? All he needed was just a couple of weeks to observe this specimen, it shouldn't be too hard to guard her from the rest. Besides, he could always ask (read: blackmail) Esidisi into helping him. The decision was settled, the human would come with him, and stay with with him. Until she outlived his interest.

While within Phosphophyllite's mind, was a mental debate between three.

'He's way too pushy, what's up with him?' One voice chimed, whiny and childish.

'Wait a bit, he may be useful.' Said another, soothing and calm like glacial ice. Yet there were undertones of confined madness.

'.....' The presence of the third was felt, yet not heard. They did not see any reason for them to input their opinion for now-It didn't matter to them anyways, nothing ever did. All they did was "observe".

'Well...he looks kinda weird too. What's with the skirt? Amirite you sad sack!'

No answer.

'Oi, pay attention to cute little me~' Again voice number 1 punched through the silence.

'Quiet down! You're going to give us both a headache with all the racket you're making!' Number 2 quickly interjected before 1 could say anymore.

Nothing useful came from the third. So Phos decided to go with the much more helpful advice of the second. Not like it was a particularly hard choice anyways. Wasn't like she could just go up to someone and comment on their interesting fashion choices.

"Ok"

Wait what. What happened? Why did he say ok? Did she get lost in her own thoughts or something? Her confusion must've been as clear as day on her near bone white face-Droopy mint green eyes widening to an almost comical degree, her lips parted in question.

To Kars, it told him that she may not be the sharpest in the head. But wasn't that better? She'd be easier to manipulate and use.

"Didn't you listen? I agreed to your little request, you can stay with me until you regain your memories or something. Now let's go, we're wasting time by staying here." Swiftly, he grabbed her thin arms and started to tug her in the direction of his home. Well, community to be more exact but it wasn't like Phosphophyllite needed to know.

Oh. That made more sense now. But man was this guy fast, and he tugging way too hard.

Phos made no sound of discontentment in front of him, but silently protested against his rough treatment.

Like would it kill the guy to slow down and let her walk?

Distinct sounds of cracking started to blast in her mind as Kars basically dragged her out of the rest of the bodies, the distance from her body and her arm fraying the invisible threads that held her limbs in place. Struggling to keep up the pace, she half ran half walked, her feet tripping along the grass like a newborn foal. Then her left foot caught on her right, and she crashed to the ground with the grace of a thundering oaf. The part of her arm in Kars' hand broke clean off, gravity pushing her down so she fell flat on her face. Phos could hear her face shatter, and felt her limbs become fragmented pieces of gem. All in all shocking the young pillar boy in front of her, his violet eyes screaming out the surprise he felt. Kars saw what looked like a clear indicator of the fact that Phosphophyllite was in fact not human, and his interest spiked almost tenfold. 

While on Phosphophyllite's side...

Ah.

She screwed up.

Majorly.

Oh well.

Time to face the "consequences" and see what happens.

-Chapter two end-

[terramythos]

My reread commentary on October Daye #8, "The Winter Long" or "more shit goes down in this book than the first 7 combined, holy shit".

I apologize to anyone who reads these cause I literally hit the length limit on this post and had to pare it down lmao 

-Good start: Under the Acknowledgements section: "Everything I have done with October's world to this point has been for the sake of getting here". Sooo basically the first 7 books? Setup for this one. We're in for a Ride.

I want to emphasize some of the best meta foreshadowing I've seen:

FOR REFERENCE, Rosemary and Rue is the title of book 1. It's also the only book whose opening Shakespeare quote (from Hamlet) doesn't really match the title. If you know your Shakespeare, you probably would have caught that and figured out that it was from The Winter's Tale instead. Plenty of conclusions you can draw just from that. Since then the series has been chock full of hidden identities, and this book has two BIG ones coming into play. Foreshadowing was here from the very fucking beginning, and it is some next level shit. Very well done.

-If you skipped book 1 you are SO fucked, btw.

- we're going to great lengths to describe Sylvester's physical appearance. Gee I wonder why. I'm sure it's not relevant

- yes Sylvester has FOX COLORED HAIR and YELLOW EYES and his magic smells like DAFFODILS and DOGWOOD FLOWERS. He is Toby's LEIGE and FATHER FIGURE.

Me on a first read: oh it's just beginning book exposition, they all do this

Me on a second read: god fucking damn it

- toby: I should have known Sylvester would never disappoint me.

Me: oh sweetie. Oh honey.

- "He smelled like smoke and rotten oranges.

This man wasn't Sylvester Torquill."

Anyone who read book 1: OHSHIT.AVI

Welcome back, Simon! You know, Sylvester's evil twin? You know, the big bad (so far) of the series? The the one responsible for turning Toby into a fish for 14 years?

-Yet he seems kinda... off, huh? Comments about how he didnt know the spell would last 14 years, how he hates to upset October's mom, of all people? Whatever could he mean? :)))

-New toby power: spell reflection? Hell yeah? Also spell BREAKING, but to be fair she did do that one other time. In, you guessed it, book 1.

- "When I tried to picture Sylvester's face, I kept seeing Simon's instead" ow oof

- Simon calling Amandine "Amy", which we've established is an affectionate nickname (it being what, you know, THE LUIDAEG calls her). Why would Simon, of all people, call her that?

... oh.

-That sure explains a LOT, huh? That sure was set up... this whole time, huh?

-Little "fuck you" lines like "I didn't know Sylvester had a niece" in book 2. Talking about January. Well, uh, he has several actually! You're one of them!

-Explanation for why Sylvester had any inclination to be October's mentor... eventually becoming her liege and father figure... even giving her the Changeling's Choice (something family is supposed to do). It seems mighty convenient that a random noble was involved in the life of a changeling to such an extent. BUT, if he was her uncle, and knew his brother wouldn't step up? Well...

-This isn't even the biggest reveal of the book. Like, we're only a handful of chapters in and this bomb gets dropped.

-Sylvester, every 10 minutes: oh boy I cant wait to see my brother so I can like, completely eviscerate him!

Everyone else: uh,

- Tybalt: and here I thought I was going to have to ask Sylvester for his blessing. Now I technically have to ask SIMON?

Toby: uwotm8

Tybalt: oh god uhh I'm joking yeah uhh I'm just trying to distract you from all this stress :)) yeah (nailed it!)!

-And now we begin the "wow Sylvester is actually not a great person" slide. It's been hinted at that he's pretty unstable and has shitty priorities regarding people he cares about. But Toby glossed over a lot of it because she adored him. Welp.

- It's also an interesting aside that Etienne was kind of a dick to Toby for a reason in the earlier books. He legit thought she had been knighted because she was family, not that she had earned the post. And after the last few books he clearly knows now that that's not the case and they've actually become friends. That's interesting hidden character development.

- ok so The Gang finds out that Simon was telling the truth when he said turning Toby into a fish for 14 years was to save her. Because he had actually been hired to KILL her and didn't want to do it. So it was a loophole-- everyone thought she was dead, and then (as established in book 1) pretty much everyone forgot she existed until the spell broke.

-BUT Simon is bound by a geas (where have we seen that before) and cannot divulge his employer's name. But who had such a grudge against Toby and/or her mom to order a hit on her AND forcibly bind everyone to secrecy?

-who knows? Not toby. So they go to The Luidaeg to maybe get a lead, and she establishes right away that she is ALSO bound under a geas and can't say who did it. So we play some 20 questions, and then...

ULTRA DISTRESSING LUIDAEG LORE :((((

-additional: another month name just came into play. August. Toby's half sister, missing for a century. WHAT IS WITH THE MONTH NAMES

- "please don't mistake villainy for evil." That's an.. interesting quote re:Simon.

- Simon's way of protecting toby from the impending threat is "well maybe you turn into a tree for a few centuries but like. You're safe, right? Why are you mad?"

- The Luidaeg: *is straight up dead*

Toby: hey tybalt remember that time in book 2 when I Resurrected the Dead

Tybalt: yeah, it was fucking terrifying and I didnt speak to you for 6 months

Toby: *finger guns* guess whaaaaaat

-The Luidaeg: *says just. A bunch of Lore*

Toby: Luidaeg dont you dare drop that cryptic shit on me then pass out

Luidaeg: nap time

-"If you so much as whisper the first word of a transformation spell, I'll have your larynx in my hand before the second word can form." DAMN, Tybalt.

-Simon: I am VERY sorry for my bullshit earlier. I can't tell you who my employer is, but I CAN give you this BOUQUET of ICE COLD ROSES. Ice cold, like winter. Winter Roses, if you will. Yeah. Uh have a nice life, bye!

Everyone: well this sure is a mystery

-Simon is definitely a morally grey character. Has done really awful shit, is built up as a major villain... but turns out he had relatively little control over his actions. He does the wrong thing a lot but it's usually not for a truly evil end? If the context is to be believed he got stuck in the geas contract with Unnamed Employer to save his daughter, which explains the bad shit he did that we know of. Which then inadvertently kicked off like the whole series. He seems to genuinely care about Toby in a warped way? It would be so easy to write him off as an evil stepdad or whatever and there's plenty of canon to support that stance (she's an illegitimate CHANGELING child) but he seems like he wants to just be her dad. I hope we explore his character more, is what I'm saying.

-And not to keep rambling about it but Toby is an established unreliable narrator and a horrible (initial) judge of character. So it's not like this is an asspull or off base at all.

Twist of the fucking century here.

-You know... the character who set off the events of the series? The character who was murdered in book 1 and bound October to a geas forcing her to find the culprit or die? Evening fucking Winterrose?

-There were hints, most very subtle unlike the other big twists, but probably the biggest one is SHE NEVER SHOWS UP AS A NIGHT HAUNT. And they're in the story quite a bit, and they ALWAYS feature killed off characters. Except Evening.

-My favorite hints were the ones just piled in book 1. Comments like "no one knows who Evening really is" said with zero self awareness. Because we are actually about to find out who she is... 7 goddamn books later.

-dead meme but "surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you saw the last of me."

-God she's so awful lol

-Toby thinking Quentin died then calling him THE SON SHE NEVER HAD is a BIG OOF right to the HEART. ;-;

-The book also points out that The Luidaeg through the series has ALWAYS referred to Evening in present tense. Even though she "died" in book 1.

-The Luidaeg ALSO never refers to her as Evening. It's always "The Winterrose". You know, a title. Which we have heavily emphasized is something the Firstborn use in place of their true names.

*jazz hands* Surprise!

-We also (finally) have a canon explanation for the... rather remarkable coincidence that Quentin, the fucking Crown Prince (from TORONTO), is in San Francisco at all. It was always weird he got sent to Shadowed Hills, and it's been commented on multiple times... Evening arranged it, of course! For reasons we don't quite know. But as the Daoine Sidhe Firstborn, her descendants couldn't exactly say no. Even though they didn't know who she really was.

-We really are falling all over Firstborn in this series? It sure is.. an odd coincidence, huh?

We got:

The Luidaeg: Roane/Selkie

Amandine: Dochas Sidhe

Acacia: Blodynbryd

Evening: Daoine Sidhe

Blind Michael: ... uh actually I don't think we ever learn what race he's Firstborn of. All his "children" are kidnapping victims forcibly twisted into monsters. Well, except for Luna, but we only know the Blodynbryd side.

But it's weird that for being so rare that we've run into 5 of them in 8 books. There's gotta be a reason for it.. but what?

-Luna starts the series as Toby's Surrogate Mom and is now just straight up an enemy huh

-I made this observation in my book 1 notes, but I find it very interesting that all of Toby's initial friends and allies... aren't by this point. Whereas her current allies are either former enemies or people she initially disliked or distrusted.

Starter allies: Sylvester? Was lying to her the whole time. Luna? Pretty much tried to sacrifice her (+above). Evening? Uhh this whole damn book. Devin? Tried to kill her for personal gain. Lily/Connor? Both killed off for real.

Current allies: Tybalt? Literal former enemy turned lover. Quentin? Kind of a snotty, vaguely racist kid she whips into shape. The Luidaeg? Extremely powerful witch who Toby assumes is True Neutral and wouldn't hesitate to kill her. May? Literal personal walking death omen.

It's just a cool reversal. There's so much really excellent character development in this series and I love it.

-Simon still is a pretty major bastard but.. less outright mustache twirling evil than we were led to believe up to this book. You learn his Backstory and while it really doesn't justify his actions it does...explain them.

-Blink and you miss it Lore: August is missing because she entered a contract with the Luidaeg. She's holding the candle from book 3 :)))

I'm starting to realize I stan The Luidaeg so hard I just have to take a picture every time she shows up and does stuff lmfao. (Best character).

-But... nothing like your inconceivably ancient and powerful aunt suddenly owing you a life debt, I guess???

-Toby. You know, just an ordinary weak changeling who has somehow managed to KILL A FIRSTBORN and RAISE THE DEAD. yikes.

I'm just putting this here cause it's funny as shit. Tybalt really is just... a cat

This book: I heard you like distressing Luidaeg lore??

Me: oh thanks I don't need to feel things

-God Evening is awful. Like, if you didn't know that already, see above.

-It says something about The Luidaeg that despite all that shit their Firstborn did to her she ends up becoming such good friends with Quentin, a Daoine Sidhe?

-BIG LORE with The Luidaeg talking to Maeve??? And Maeve "responding" kind of? This series damn well better explore what the fuck happened to those three it's been built up all series

-Omg the showdown with Evening and The Luidaeg. And Toby managing to break free and realize she deserves so much more than Evening-- all without magic. And Simon showing up for a last minute redemption trying to hit Evening with elf shot? I mean he gets shot in the process, but...

-We now have like, 3 or 4 characters just... asleep indefinitely thanks to elf shot. that's gonna be a Thing isnt it. Rayseline, Evening, Simon, Arden's brother...

WE DID IT BOYS

-This is the last full one I've already read. Most of my reactions in 9-12 are gonna be new. So.

[shade-without-color]

Beta Reading 2019: Icarcus!

I wanna say hi if you stumble across this post, and interested in the following things

* A developed female character handling politics (in a non-threatening manner), and holds relevance to our society as we seen more female role models in power. * A twist to the rather tired fantasy genre which focused on character development! * If you just love an epic tale with a lush perspective of a world filled with pirates, fallen empires, ghosts of the past and rulers of all sorts..

Then Icarcus is just for you, so it follows a young girl Caelestra, a survivor of the fallen city Icarcus, who have to overcome many obstacles to reestablish her fallen kingdom. However she have to face her morality, with the drowned souls- renaments of its past and her ailing father.

Just a quick introduction my name is Catherine and I am from Singapore. Currently I am working in retail which I am in the midst of editing "job-filling novella", as it is actually birthed when I am in the midst of my job hunting before I found that job, which I called it Icarcus (get the Greek Mythology reference ?). Yes it draws parallels to a certain winged figure but it is twisted by its own head. Think Game of Thrones Danerys Targayan (I know she is polarized in the fandom based on my osmosis but she is interesting) meets with Shekar Kapur’s Elizabeth (Guys you should watch it, and oh listen to the TED Talk of Kapur creating image.), with some smothering of art history references.

You may ask why I make this call, because I have been trying to edit for a year or so (and yes I changed my writing style along the way), and me being more an idea generator rather than a cleaner is the biggest struggle for me XD. It will be awesome, if I have someone to see my works in a different light.

So under this cut are the things we have.

Expectations

* Well you have been honest with reasons for my novella as I would love to see a different perspective on what you think. And please do not mind if I have to ask you questions just in case I may misinterpret your advice. * It will be awesome if you can annotate it in colour as I find it much easier for me to read as I am more of a visual thinker, and it helped me to break down information well. * Feedback-wise, for shorter inquires you can chat at my tumblr at shade-without-color otherwise, email will be best every 2 chapters as it is easier for me so i can collate it into my evernote account for improvement. I want to look mostly, is grammar (I know my weakness but I will get by), flow of the plot and character development. * Optional: A historical understanding of 14th to 18th European history will be awesome, if you like to make the world a little more interesting! (It is not purely followed through as I jumbled some stuff but it will help to clean some areas) * FYI I will try to place a list of context for the reference of what my story will be like, which will be in google doc for your understanding (because I think it helps me better to contact things) and a Spotify playlist to listen as you read it.

Requirements and scheduling

So it will be around for 3 months , Beta reading will commence after Chinese New Year (which is 7 Feb onwards) to 30 March as I will be working on a spin off novella in this universe on April which I kinda called it retail set in a fantasy universe. (You are also free to jump into my project after I am done)

Status wise I have cleared up with the first few chapters with an another beta who unfortunately have to drop Icarcus due to personal issues.  Therefore  other half of the novella, is therefore unedited (Currently I have one person who is helping me out to read the rest, as for some odd reason they are stuck at the first half LOL) . Therefore I will give you the first 10 edited chapters,  and the other half unedited for your feedback.

I see it as a YA novel, so it could be 16 and up will be great, as it tackled death, violence and implied sexual content.

So if interested, please email me at movieotaku66@gmail.com or DM on my tumblr at shade-without-color before 28 Jan 2019 (GMT +8 Singapore time) as I need to do some clearance before we jump into that project. Anyway if you have to drop out of the beta reading due to life changes (I know), we can discussed it privately.

To end this shout-out post, I will like to end it with these words famously said by Julius Ceaser- "Veni Vidi Vici" So it goes like I saw, I came, I conquered. It pretty much summarized my novella and I hope you can join that crusade with me!

Feel free to DM me if you have any enquires about it.

[proudtoehaver]

Finn Appreciation Week - Day 4: Tropes - The Lost Scion

Something born out of the Finn, scion of Jedha post I posted yesterday. Chapter 1 of something longer? A stand alone? Not sure. Anyway, here it is

Finn stumbles into the mess hall, his eyes still half closed with sleep, and somehow makes it all the way to the serving counter without bumping into anyone or falling over.

"Well, you look like shit," Poe says as he hands him a cup of caf.

"Thanks," Finn replies in a dry tone, accepting it.

He takes a sip of the hot liquid. It black with just a spoon of sugar, enough that he can taste the sweetness, but not so much that it overrides the bitterness, just the way he prefers it. Closing his eyes, he relishes its heat and the bitter taste, slowly letting it do its job of waking him up.

"Trouble sleeping?" Poe asks, serving himself from the dishes on the counter.

Finn takes another sip and eyes the food. A lifetime of eating when served and only then, wars with a lack of appetite due to sleep deprivation. In the end conditioning along with the smell of the vegetable omelet wins out and he grabs a plate of his own.

"Falling asleep? No. Staying asleep? Yeah, that's kinda getting to be a challenge."

"Bad dreams?"

"More like weird dreams. Well it sort of start out terrible and then is just gets strange. And then I wake up and can't go back to sleep."

He and Poe sit down at one end of a long table. It's still early and there's few other there so they have as much privacy as the open room allows for. Finn takes a big bite of omelet and starts buttering his toast.

Poe says nothing, focusing his attention on his food and Finn knows his friend is trying to wait him out, stay silent until Finn starts talking. Finn doesn't mind though, he feels like talking. Maybe talking through the strange dream will make it stop and he can finally start getting more than a few hours' sleep each night.

Taking a deep swallow of caf he starts.

"It all starts with a planet. Or, a moon. It has to be a moon since there's a much larger planet behind it. It looks so pretty, all yellowy red and the planet behind it is pinkish. I feel like I could watch it forever and be happy. But it doesn't last."

He sighs and takes a bite of the toast. Even awake, the next part of the dream makes his heart beat too fast and his skin prickle with panic.

"There is, a- a flash of light. Green light. It looks like a force pike. It hurtles past me, towards the moon. I know what's coming, even the first time I saw it I knew what would happen. I want to scream, but I can't. The green light rips the moon apart, makes it bleed. Then I begin to fall."

Finn's breath is coming fast and hard, the fear digging further into him. He takes his mug in both hands, folding his fingers around it to ground himself in its texture and warmth, struggling to get his breath back under control.

"That sounds like a really nasty nightmare."

Finn nods.

"Yeah, that part is bad. After this, it's just plain weird. I... land I suppose, except I'm not standing on anything. It's just a bright void. But I'm not alone. There are three men there. Two of them are middle-aged. One with long hair who looks like he could rip you apart with his bare hands. The other is blind I think, his eyes are milky and he's dressed in an odd robe. The last one is about my age. He looks so sad. They all do, sad and desperate. More so every time I have this dream. They're talking, but I can't hear what they're saying. I know that I have to, that it's important, but I can't. There's never any sound at all."

He swallows the last of the caf.

"And then I wake. And when I do I always feel so incredibly sad, like I've lost the most precious thing I could have and can't get it back."

Poe reaches out and puts a hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly.

"I can see how going back to sleep would be hard feeling like that," he says.

"Mmmm. I just wish I knew what it all meant. The first part might be about Hosnia, that I feel guilty about it."

"Buddy-"

"I know, I know. I wasn't my doing, I didn't push the button or give the order and there's nothing I could have done to prevent it." He sighs again. "But guilt is never logical is it?"

"No, it's not."

They sit a bit in silence, eating, each in his own thoughts before Finn continues.

"What I don't get is the three men? Why are they there?"

His words are interrupted by Jess who plops down next to Poe with her own tray of food.

"What men?"

"In my dream, there are three men. And I don't understand what they mean."

"Maybe they're someone you remember from somewhere?" Jess suggests, her mouth filled with food.

Finn laughs.

"I doubt it. They're not the type cadet or trainees would be allowed to be around. Believe me. Too..." He struggles to find the right word. "Too rebellious looking. Not at all good role models for young, aspiring troopers of a fascist regime."

Jess shrugs.

"Maybe from before? Before the First Order took you, I mean."

One thing Finn loves about Jess is that she never beats around the bush when it comes to his past. Even Poe far too often walks on eggshells around him when it comes to talking about it, but Jess never does. And to Finn it's the facts of his life, they're not a dirty secret that should be spoken about only in a hush.

Finn shakes his head.

"I was so little, I can't recall anything from then."

"Damn that sucks."

"It does."

Jess considers for a moment.

"How about after you escaped? Could you have seen them then? While you were chasing around the galaxy with Beebeate?"

Finn almost says no, then stops himself.  

Maybe at Maz's castle?  

He doesn't really remember anyone from there except Maz herself, but these three would have fit right in with the clientele.

"Could be," he says.

Jess makes a 'there you go' gesture, clearly settling the matter as far as she is concerned.

"So what's on for the rest of your day, now the three wise men are out of the way?" Poe asks.

"I got my ongoing caf date with major Bryce for picking my brain about First Order troop strength and locations. You'd think he'd got all he could by now, but the man is nothing if not persistent. He's dug up some more old star charts he wants me to take a look at, these ones of what you call the southern Unknown Regions."

"What do you call them?" Jess asks.

"I used to call it The Demesne, that's what the First Order calls its territory."

"Sounds posh."

Finn snorts.

"What do you call it now?" Poe asks.

"Space," Finn replies, flippantly.  

In truth, he doesn't know what he should call it. Like so many other things it is unclear to him now that his world has been overturned. What he grew up with under the First Order is no longer applicable, but the words and ideas among the Resistance, people who grew up under the Republic, doesn't work for him either. He tries to deal with it bit by bit as it becomes relevant, but many things remain an open question to him and the answer only silence.

Wolfing down the last of the omelets the thought gives him pause. Maybe that's what the three men means, his lack of answers. That's why he can't hear what they say, he has none.

He shakes his head, dismissing the thought. He can think about it later, he has a meeting to attend.

[bizarre-dollhouse]

My Top 10 Favourite Anime (And Why You Should Watch Them)

This is normally something I would put on my main blog, but I wanted to celebrate a follower milestone and also I know this will reach a significantly wider audience on this blog.

Consider this both a list of recommendations and a *get to know me* thing, I guess.

Honourable Mentions:

Bakemonogatari: A really stylized show about a semi vampire helping people with their supernatural afflictions born from emotional issues. The subsequent seasons get a little questionable, but this is definitely a standalone story with great dialogue and visuals. (15 eps)

Shiki: Creepy story about a small town infested with vampires. Really brutal and sick, but it has fascinating themes. The pacing is a bit slow and it has a kind of bad scene towards the end, but the show is 100% worth it. (24 eps)

Cardcaptor Sakura: Because this is mostly aimed at younger viewers, I would only really recommend this show for either magical girl fans, or people who watched the extremely altered dub as a kid. That being said, its a cute, fun show about magic with a likeable cast and surprisingly creative and original ideas, especially towards the latter half. (70 eps)

Jojos Bizarre Adventure 4: Diamond is Unbreakable: Full disclosure, I have not seen the first 3 jojo series, but its not necessary to enjoy this show. This is a super creative and really fun series about superpowered badasses in a strange city fighting each other and trying to solve a murder mystery in the background. Weird, but in the best way. (39 eps)

Kuroshitsuji: Book of Circus: This should be higher on the list, but in truth I would recommend the manga way over the show. But, if you want to watch a supernatural horror/comedy without reading a 138+ chapter manga, OR you were a fan of the original Black Butler seasons and want to see something way better, give this a watch. (10 eps)

*drumroll*

10. Trigun

So Trigun takes place is this old west, yet mysterious science fiction-y world where, through a bunch of complicated scenarios, a pacifist is the most wanted criminal known to man. Due to his status as a “natural disaster,” two insurance workers are tasked with reining him in to save their business. It’s an incredibly charming series, and the protagonist is really likeable. It’s extremely creative, funny, and emotional near the end. I do have some problems with the ending because it almost seems like the final conflict just...solves itself, but that’s a nitpick. The first episode is basically a short film, so give that a watch and see how you feel. (26 eps)

9. Paranoia Agent

This was directed by the late and great Satoshi Kon and has his usual themes about the blurring between fiction, dreams, and reality. It’s about a string of mysterious assaults committed by a kid with a baseball bat, and how these assaults seem to solve the problems of the victims. It’s very arthouse and has a twist that makes me ball my eyes out even though it’s not sad it’s just...odd and overwhelming. It drags a bit near the middle, but if you like kind of surreal stuff that’s also just really good, you have to watch this show. (13 eps)

8. Baby Steps

The amazing thing about this show is that its premise is specifically designed to make me hate it. It’s about a nerdy teenager who starts to play a sport for the sole sake of getting fit and having a more well rounded life style, and also he has a crush on this really popular girl. That sounds fucking awful, but the main character is actually really likeable (he reminds me a lot of Deku from BNHA) and I swear to fucking god every time I thought this show was going to do something awful and cliched with its romantic comedy plot, it doesn’t. The beauty and the geek trope is still there, but all of the bullshit that comes with it is omitted in a way I feel was kind of self-aware. The sports aspect is really good too: it’s well paced and there’s lots of tension even though the show as a whole is really upbeat and pleasant. I had a blast watching it, and if you can make it past the fact that is has god awful animation, give it a watch.

7. Higurashi: When They Cry

Yet another great show with absolute garbage animation. Anyways, this show is about a group of teenagers in a small town who are unknowingly trapped in a time loop. In each loop there’s a bunch of new mysteries, as well as some extremely brutal murders and tortures experienced my the main cast. I’ve seen a number of Western shows (Orphan Black, BBC Sherlock, Lost, Supernatural, etc.) fall apart because the writers want a really clever and intricate mystery to play out, but they don’t want to actually put the time into crafting one, so it’s just a bunch of cliffhangers with no answers or pay off. THIS SHOW SUCCEEDS AT WHAT ALL OF THOSE OTHER SHOWS FAIL AT. While not all of the answers are great (the second season isn’t as good) the original author somehow made the world’s most ludicrously complicated mystery story work, with a lot of it relying on the audience to put all of the pieces together even when the characters can’t. Its very clever in doing that: it makes its audience feel smart. It also has themes that don’t really show up in other horror stories, even though they’re incredibly relevant to fear and violence. Great show, go watch it. (50 eps)

6. Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

Everyone knows about this show, everyone says it’s great, and everyone’s right. If you’ve been living under a rock for ten years: the show is about two brothers who break an alchemy taboo, which destroys their bodies, They’re on the hunt for something to restore them to normal and along the way they meet like 8990354578579 characters with interesting stories. It’s tightly written and really gripping. It’s fun, but also really dramatic and emotional when it needs to be. My only problems with it are that the ending is reaaaallllly convoluted, and there’s a minor plot point earlier on that gets weirdly dropped, but everyone kinda forgets about those things because the show’s so good. Also the brotherly bond makes me cry. (64 eps)

5. FLCL

I honestly don’t even know where to start with this show because it has the unique property of being the only show I have ever seen that I have literally no problems with. Not even nitpicks. There is nothing wrong with this show; it’s perfect. The only reason it’s not number 1 is because some other shows have more ideas or more fleshed out characters. So this arthouse spastic comedy is about a boy who is disappointed with all of the adults in his life, then some chick hits him in the face with a guitar and giant robots from a secret facility start coming out of his head. It’s fucking wild and has like 30 different aesthetics and I love all of them. It’s the best looking show I’ve ever seen and one of the best directed. It feels like someone read a really weird poem and turned it into a 6 episode show. It’s funny, it’s emotional, it’s cartoony, it’s beautiful, it’s raunchy, it’s poetic, it’s silly, it’s creative, and it’s got strong themes. The wtf visuals, the nonsensical plot, and the amazing soundtrack make an aesthetic experience more than anything. (6 eps)

4. Princess Tutu

I already made a post about this show and why it’s good, which you can check out here, but the gist is it’s a meta fairytale about a duck that turns into a girl to help a storybook prince find his emotions. I used to love stories that were “twists on fairytales” or whatever, but after watching this show I realized that the genre is pretty derivative. This show is so amazing it honestly made me reevaluate an entire genre and come to the conclusion that this is the only member of that genre worth watching. It’s truly creative and well crafted with fantastic characters. (26 eps)

3. Hunter x Hunter (2011)

This show is basically a bunch of creative ideas, unique set pieces, and interesting characters stacked on top of each other in a trench coat disguised as a narrative. It’s about a perky shonen protagonist and a child assassin becoming friends while also trying to become hunters (a position involving vast wealth and adventure). It’s in a modern fantasy setting so literally anything can happen. In one arc they have to play life-or-death dodgeball against robots, and another is an insanely epic tale about the intense evil that people are capable of (feat. a 25 episode climax). I can’t even talk about all of the themes or ideas because there are just too many. Because of it’s wild, sprawling story, it has a lot of ass pulls and retcons, but in the grand scheme of things they don’t really matter. It’s long, but super easy to watch in huge chunks. (148 eps)

2. Neon Genesis Evangelion and The End of Evangelion

The most efficient way to describe this show is to say that it’s the most interesting show ever made. It’s about an apocalyptic future in which emotionally disturbed teenagers must pilot giant bio-machines to fight monsters which are referred to as angels. It’s got deep characters, a creative story, and is probably the most well directed show I’ve ever seen. The ending infamously fell apart due to production problems, so there’s a movie called The End of Evangelion to conclude the story. It’s a very disturbing arthouse movie, so watch out for that, but the show as a whole is moooosssstly more straightforward and fascinating, This is an absolute must watch. (26 eps and 1 movie)

1. Baccano!

Baccano! takes place in 1930s New York, and is about thieves, gangsters, criminals, terrorists, alchemists, and immortals interacting in this nonlinear comedy/action thrill ride. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster while watching this show. It’s the perfect blend of action, comedy, romance, drama, horror, and creative storytelling. It’s fantastic to rewatch since the first episodes barely make any sense without context (but are still an absolute joy to watch). It’s got great characters and it’s a great story. Go watch it. And then watch it again. (13 eps and 3 OVAs)

That’s it for this list! Check out my MAL page for more recommendations if you’re interested and have a great night! 

[bieups]

Reflections on language school

So it’s been over a month since I graduated and I’m finally gonna write some scattered thoughts about Sogang’s KLEC~!

Bottom line: I do think language school is worth it if you need the structure provided by being a student. It really does a lot to improve your level, but you will still need to study additional stuff outside of class, no matter if your goal is having conversations or passing topik. It’s fun to have a community to study with and I benefited from having a set routine that forced me to work on all 4 language skills. Sogang’s focus is definitely on conversation, so I wouldn’t recommend it if your main goal is to get a high topik score or attend grad school because other schools focus more on advanced writing & vocab.

(Feel free to ask questions because I know there’s lots I didn’t cover or explain well here~)

I also know that some people complain about having to speak from the beginning and would rather focus on learning first, then speaking. But for me, this method was very helpful because I already know I am a perfectionist and I’d rather just get over that and be able to talk to people in broken Korean than develop some complex about using correct grammar.

Anyway, here are some thoughts about the levels!

Level 1 starts with Hangul, then gets into the most basic grammar & vocab. The textbook follows these characters, which leads to classroom bonding because the main dude is kinda annoying, and all the readings & listening exercises involve the characters doing normal everyday things like going to school, having a birthday party, asking for directions, etc. It’s honestly stuff that I think most people could study on their own just fine. The people who struggled in my class were just not ready for immersion learning. (During my level 5 class’ debate, one girl didn’t remember the American guy’s name and called him “앤디 씨" and every single person in the room broke down in hysterical laughter)

Level 2 brings in a lot more useful grammar patterns, but you’ll still sound kinda like a robot haha The example conversations you practice in class get a little longer and more detailed. The writing assignments are slightly more interesting. You learn 반말 (informal speech) and there’s still a lot of roleplay, but you have a bit more freedom with it than you did in level 1.

Level 3 is where things start feeling really helpful. Like up until now you are stuck building the foundation and learning basics, but in level 3 there is a lot more really useful conversational grammar and the reading/listening exercises get more complicated. This is also where most of the English speakers need a lot of outside help because the grammars don’t have English equivalents and the book from Sogang does a terrible job of explaining things. The chapters all focus on useful life stuff like going to the doctor and renting an apartment, but it’s also means a lot of vocab that you won’t naturally get to use everyday, so this is also where people start falling behind if they haven’t been keeping up with studying every day. This is also when you get into written style vs. speaking style, so sometimes students become good writers (me) and others become good conversationalists (not me)...

Level 4 was a blast, but I think it was mostly because my teachers were fantastic and my classmates loved being there. Finally everyone is actually able to communicate in only Korean, so class time is more enjoyable. Students have to give a presentation and there are no more example conversations! (So long, 앤디 씨~) Listening & reading become every day classes instead of alternating days. The writing assignments were also a bit more interesting because they tended to be useful topics we’re all asked about anyway (self introduction when applying for a job, describing a place you visit often, giving advice) . You also start learning stuff like news-specific language and how to complain.

Level 5 is now into “advanced” territory. I actually enjoyed a lot of the writing assignments because they tend to be less personal and more about your culture/customs and those kinds of topics. Many of the readings are, of course, helping you learn Korean, but it’s more learning about a topic in Korean rather than just reading some kindergarten level stuff. There is a classroom debate that can be kinda awkward; the topic will be something like saving for retirement vs. supporting your kids, or whether or not the death penalty should exist. Also instead of listening class there is now a video class! You watch short (~5-10min) clips from various movies/tv programs and have a separate workbook for all that vocab and whatnot. I had an amazing video teacher who made the class super fun, even when we were stuck watching incredibly awkward/boring things (looking at you, Ahn Chul Soo & matchmaker guy!)

Level 6 had good moments & bad moments. My classmates were all nice, but my friend never even learned everyone’s names because we didn’t really mingle together much. Our homeroom teacher was wonderful, but a lot of the content was just not that interesting or relevant to my life. I wasn’t interested in the readings, and constantly getting distracted made them even more difficult to understand. It was also hard to be at a point where we were beginning to discuss social issues, but were still very much limited by our skill level and vastly different backgrounds. Like, if we have a list of typical social issues (immigration, low birth rate, unemployment, etc.) and we have to discuss which one is the biggest in our country...trying to explain that America’s immigration problem is actually a racism problem requires the listeners to first be interested in understanding. Also there were a lot of times where we were supposed to talk about our countries, but the US is too huge and narrowing it down to Texas wasn’t much better (the geography & weather of Texas...a place 7 times larger than Korea...)

The most frustrating thing was the book situation. There is a speaking textbook & a reading textbook, but the little grammar/vocab book only covers the reading textbook. This means that there was no explanation or dictionary for the grammar & vocab from the speaking textbook, which was frustrating when you were trying to review. We also only read half the readings (each chapter has 2; we’d only study the first one), which seemed odd, but studying any faster would’ve been a nightmare so I can’t imagine why they designed the books that way in the first place. Also, the little book is only available in English?? The level 5 textbook bundle includes the Korean version, but suddenly you’re supposed to go back to a translated version for level 6?

Honestly, I’m sure level 6 helped my Korean, I mean I was there in class speaking Korean every day...but I think it would’ve been more helpful for me to focus on the stuff from levels 3-5 than bother with what is taught in level 6. There is just so much advanced grammar that I will rarely get the chance to use, especially because I’m still stumbling over more basic stuff. Video class was helpful because I do want to be able to watch the news, but sooo many of the readings were kinda boring and a lot of the writing assignments were basically just dumbed-down versions of stuff I had to write in university (talk about an environmental issue & how to solve it, talk about what’s wrong with the education system & how to fix it). I did really well in writing (boyfriend said the paper I wrote about common types of housing in my hometown was great!  hahah), but I actually hate writing papers and that’s not a skill I care about.

Overall, I definitely do not have the discipline to self-study to a high level, so attending class was a good choice for me. I liked ~graduating~ and getting a certificate to show, even though it’s irrelevant for my job. I think it gave me a really good foundation, I have an idea now of how to continue to improve, and I feel comfortable speaking Korean even in situations where I am 100% aware of how many mistakes I’m making. I do plan to attend more classes in the future and will probably eventually take the topik. Language learning never ends~

[kaoarika]

AHHHHHHHHH!

Last week I posted this long rambling about Favorite Part, especially as it coincided with both the series concluding AND also with me finding that there is an English fan translation of the series. So... hah... yeah... we are in that “finale” due date period.

It’s a series I want to talk about with other people so much, and while the fan TL is just still in the start/prologue, I don’t think it will be easy for me to shut up until time comes on and the last chapters are translated.

Again, it’s a series I really want to talk about with others, and I feel somewhat sad that I ramble and ramble, and I don’t think ppl will get what I’m saying, until it is widely available for everyone (me included) to get it.

So, uhm...

I will be non-spoiler free from now on in this post (although I’m going to be generalizing a lot of stuff here due to plot’s stuff). I don’t think I am going to reveal everything going on, and these aren’t my final thoughts about the series due to:

a) There’s still a chapter left (published in September 26th, 2019 -Wed 25th in my timezone), so finale-finale? This isn’t, there’s the other half of the finale left.

b) I STILL LACK FULL CONTEXT OF STUFF HAPPENING HERE AND THERE DUE TO LANGUAGE BARRIERS.

c) Most of these are my most raw feelings right now. I might be wrong about stuff, but... ehhh... you know...

I will start saying one thing: the finale does feel rushed. 

Then again, the last... 10 chapters or so feel rushed as well. I am not saying it’s a total bad thing, but I’m certainly to blame the last arc and events around it, especially as they escalated too quickly and, at least for me, they came out from the left field. The nature of this arc (involving a stalker with goons under their wing) was a serious one, and it became dangerous as I never expected the stalker kidnapping someone in this whole mess. Someone that, by the way, seemingly was starting to overcome one of their traumas just before this happened... and I couldn’t believe how foolish they were to FALL into it.

The aftermaths of this event don’t seem to be fully solved (I don’t think only by my POV and lack of context), yet, and it also left lots of questions surrounding the main figure who was stalked here.

And, tbh,  it felt... odd. (It didn’t help finding out in the same chapter that the series was ending). I am certainly wishing there’s a mention about them in the last chapter. But this is mostly my wishful thinking talking, as they became a popular character, and it’s not like I didn’t care for them either... it’s... complicated... they were interesting and there’s lots of stuff here and there about them that don’t have answers, and you just... don’t simply introduce a stalking side-plot  by having it half-solved. Fans simply want to know what happened to them.

That being said, I wouldn’t be 100% surprised if they don’t appear again.

Thinking back, there’s something that stroke me recently as I was talking about this with a friend. What if this romance and drama webtoon was heavily inclined to be about Woojoo and Hanbyeol? Like... What if it was a love story about “healing” and “reconciling” both past and present? As in, “what if we implied we have changed, but actually we haven’t changed that much”? For them both in personal senses... for them both in a relationship.

Btw, I love this ship, and certainly, I may be biased... but then... it started to make sense as I reviewed the series again?

Like, Woojoo was certainly a mess when she is introduced: lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem... and she only knew a kind of love where she would be on the sidelines, obssessing over someone whose face was pretty... and opening her arms to the first person who had a pretty face... but everyone and their dog told her that he was an asshole. “You can’t judge a book by its cover”, basically. 

And it was pathetic, and it was pitiful. And the worst thing is? She was aware of it... but couldn’t do something against it because she felt no one else would love her.

But, her insight starts to change when she meets Hanbyeol, a pretty sweet and optimistic guy (at the time, overweight as her), who also has his inner demons.

And they get along in a weird but wholesome way. He also confessed to her that he had a crush on her.

But there’s something that happens at the end of the prologue that these both argue and don’t see each other in a year.

And the thing is? At first, I felt that Hanbyeol was resentful against her over what happened... but he is also surprised that she has been attempting to change her old ways ever since the last time they met. And he truly wanted her to be happy (despite his lingering feelings for her, too) and was deciding to let her go... except things weren’t this way when he finds out that she was involved in a scheme that would hurt her.

They start getting along again aftewards. But... she is still afraid to see his now-slimmed face, because she knows... she knows she doesn’t want to repeat the same mistakes she did in the past.

Here is what happens afterwards: they get along, they start going out again, they start to confide in each other again, and they TALK to each other again. They find themselves in a comfort level zone they weren’t in the past. And one simple near glimpse at his face and she finds him handsome... but she stars feeling conflicted about it. Eventually, she starts worrying more and more about him... and you get the idea, and wants to help him the same way he has been doing in the past... ALSO, she finds out more about his inner demons and, that perhaps, she was wrong in misinterpreting his way to cope things when he confessed to her why he liked her at the start.

Sure, many of these thing could be interpreted as platonic, too... but, honestly?

There’s also some kind of “love triangle” introduced, but... at the same time I don’t know if to define it as “love triangle”. SURE, the thing is THERE. but... I suppose it was to “heal”, not exactly “who is she ending up with at the end”.

SO... I MEAN, by now it’s kinda obvious who ended with who, right?

(Reaction pic is relevant, I also prepared myself while reading OreMono vol 8)

I would have been more surprised if those feelings between Hanbyeol and Woojoo weren’t mutual, lol. Especially when I realize that subtlety and “love language” don’t necessarily has to be 100% obvious except for the people involved. And Tarly managed show most of their relationship as potentially romantic with subtlety and growth.

And you could discuss that Hanbyeol was simply being a “nice guy”, and that Woojoo was only being a “good friend”... but, even so, even if they started as friends, and while I would have been okay with a platonic ending between those two... I started to realize “they care for each other in their own ways, go lengths to help/save each other and also comfort them” were a few things that I liked too much of “friends to lovers” stuff when done alright. IT WAS ALL THERE.

I WISH I COULD HAVE LIVEBLOGGED THIS BUT MOST OF MY FEELS WENT FROM “YOOOOOOOO” TO “OH, MY POOR BBY” BECAUSE THE ENDGAME FEELS RIGHT?

ALSO, I liked that them ending together also doesn’t magically fix all their inner demons. They still have their anxieties, their fears, their insecurities... but they have the support of each other. They accept each other for whom they are, because while there’s always a favorite part you like of someone... when you realize it’s only a part of their whole self you also love too much.

But, damn... the way they kissed (because they DID!) was more or less on the same frequency I imagined it, lmao. BUT, YOOOOOOOOO... that was too much too handle for my poor (and “not wanting to be hor*ny on main, but...”) heart.

I cannot express my happiness over this, although the most important thing is that... THERE’S STILL A WEEK LEFT. It’s probably mostly to epilogue stuff and conclusions besides afterwords.

*Praying they don’t get separated, again... I WAITED A YEAR, THEY DESERVE TO BE TOGETHER*

I still echo my selfish feels about hoping Woojoo doesn’t get pressed to lose weight. For how the cliffhanger (?) looks like, I don’t think that would be the case?? But I’m not too sure. Because, hey, one of the reasons I started reading this series is how it portrayed a fat female lead with lots of personal issues, and I like how it opted to not solve them by simply losing weight as THE solution to “accept yourself” . sure, I suppose I wouldn’t be mad if she lose it by own decision or a “culmination” of sorts??? I dunno, perhaps I’ll have mixed feelings at worst.