#hal: shut up he punches real hard and hes cool

[bruciemilf]

The justice league thinks manbat is Batman in his true form and will ask him to transform if a fight is too hard and Batman would be like:🤨???

Here's the thing; Every Justice League member aside from Clark and Oliver is convinced Bruce has a superpower. They just have different theories on what said superpower Is.

Diana: Shadow manipulation

J'onn: Has a plan for everything and a PowerPoint presentation for any subject. Any. Subject.

Barry: Bottomless cape

Victor: Endless utility belt

Arthur: Indestructibility/abnormal pain tolerance like what the fuck

Billy: Scaring the fuck out of people with a look alone

Hal: Telepathy but with kids only

[superman86to99]

Superman: The Man of Steel #26 (October 1993)

REIGN OF THE SUPERMEN! In this issue: Steel vs. the Cyborg... or, if you prefer, John Henry vs. the Machine. The Man in Black and the Man of Steel are still exploring the Cyborg Superman’s ginormous Engine City (formerly Coast City) when they hear a massive rumble -- looks like someone put the keys in the ignition, which is bad news for everyone on Earth. See, the Cyborg’s plan was to put several of these engines across the planet to turn the Earth into a knock-off Death Star, but his lackey Mongul betrayed him and decided to start the first engine before time. As a result, the whole planet will spin out of orbit and break itself apart due to, uh, physics and stuff.

Our heroes bump into Mongul as he’s making his escape, and he decides to stick around a little while longer to beat their asses. The Man in Black decides to fight Mongul to allow Steel to go into the engine itself and hopefully turn it off before it destroys the planet. Now, Mongul might be a planet-killing bastard, but at least he’s considerate enough to give the Man in Black and Steel a little moment to themselves before they separate. Aw.

“It’s you! The guy who looks exactly like the steel mask I’ve been looking at!”

So, Steel goes into the engine, but the thing is so massive and complex that he doesn’t know how to even start turning it off. Luckily, he gets some unexpected tech assistance from the Cyborg (well, some chunks of metal animated by the Cyborg’s mind) and his complete inability to STFU.

Steel basically just lets the Cyborg keep talking about how the engine works as they fight, then uses that information to formulate a sophisticated plan to shut the machine down. That plan is called “jam the Cyborg and himself into the gears and make the whole thing explode”.

It works! The Cyborg is still alive and he still has a giant, kryptonite-powered fortress in his power, but at least the planet won’t crumble anymore, so that’s something. Anyway, let’s check on how the Man in Black’s been doing against Mongul...

Uh-oh.

Character-Watch:

Superboy had his big character-defining moment a few weeks ago when he pushed himself to the limit to stop that missile, and now it’s Steel’s turn. If Superboy’s moment was about rising up to the occasion, Steel’s is more about using his engineer brain to outsmart the Cyborg. His best stories are the ones where he tackles impossible problems until he finally breaks them down (literally, with a hammer). What a cool character. Too bad he died in this issue and stuff.

Plotline-Watch:

Halfway through the issue we see Green Lantern Hal Jordan coming back to Earth from a mission in space and he’s like “And now to take a big sip of water and check on my beloved home town of Coast City...” Don Sparrow says: “Some rough news, to be sure, but Hal’s been a noble hero for so long, I know he’ll be able to handle the disappointment like the hero as he has been consistently been portrayed for all these decades…”

Don’t worry, we’ll see Hal go “down there” in Green Lantern #46 soon!

We also see Old Man Eradicator flying down on Engine City. It’s all coming together!

Supergirl, once again in her invisible form, tries to help the mostly powerless Man in Black against Mongul, but he showers her with a convenient oil pipe and takes her out of commission in two seconds. If I were the Man in Black, I’d ask for a refund on my Emergency Secret Weapon.

Jeb-Watch: Lois sees Jeb “Homewrecker” Friedman for the first time since he kissed her last month, and he tries to get her attention with a pretty shocking accusation: that she (*gasp*) loves Superman. Jeb expert Don Sparrow says: “I’m pretty famous for my hatred of Jeb in these pages, so I gotta love how hard Lois is ignoring him. Aside from dismissing his sexist jabs, his would-be haymaker about her loving Superman and not Clark is flat out ignored, and to my memory, never brought up again. Besides, if Clark is dead, as Jeb thinks he is, what would be wrong with Lois loving Superman? Stupid Jeb.” Suck it, Jeb.

And I’ll just let Don keep talking now. More after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

This entire issue feels to me like it’s being backed with a guitar solo, and the cover is no exception: pure badassery, as Superman and the Man of Steel run from explosions like action movie stars.  The opening splash on page one doubles down on the badassery, with Superman wielding an Image-comics-scale firearm (and while Jon Bogdanove has never shown an inability to draw feet, the convenient smoke hiding them does also remind me of Rob Liefeld, so more Image homage). [Max: I think he covered the feet so we can’t see Steel using his jet boots to look taller than Superman, again.]

Then ANOTHER splash follows on page 2-3 where we see the scale of our heroes relative to the giant engine structure.

Mongul’s bearhug looks pretty painful on page 6, and page 7 gives us yet another variation on the great poster from the Cyborg Superman’s first appearance. [Max: Those shots of Cyborg inside the machines always give me Superman III PTSD.] I love the mixture of low-tech and high tech that Bogdanove uses to show us the alien Engine City.  Aside from wires and gears, we also get shapes that look very analog, like transistors and the like.  Also the Cyborg being shown coming to life through his structures is a real visual playground for the art team, with some of his forms looking like himself, and others looking downright monstrous.

Did I think we’d get to see an oiled up Supergirl when I opened this issue?  No, no I did not.

The beating Mongul lays on Superman is very painfully drawn, particularly that last left hook Superman takes. [Max: Why does this look so familiar? It could be that similar cover image with Bibbo punching Superman, but I have a feeling both things are homages to something else. Some Neal Adams thing maybe?]

Mongul’s power level has always been something of a mystery to me.  Alan Moore’s “For the Man Who Has Everything” put him on a par with Superman, right up there with Darkseid for power level.  But then when Superman fought him in the gladiatorial games on Warworld, Superman didn’t have much trouble beating him, even though he had been out of range of a yellow sun for a very long time and was therefore, again, only using a fraction of his regular power.

The sequence of Steel hammering away at the Cyborg is well done, and appropriately reminiscent of The Mechanical Monsters, from the old Fleischer Superman cartoons (a well that Bogdanove rightly revisits a lot!)

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

This issue serves as a precursor to the Man of Steel comics from the early 2000s, where John Henry Irons served as an unofficial partner to Superman in Superman: The Man of Steel when it was being written by Mark Schultz (one of the more readable Superman titles of the mostly awful Joe Kelly-Joe Casey era).

Mongul’s done a lot of lousy things over the years, but it was downright decent of him to just flat out stand there and wait for Superman and Steel to have their bro moment before attacking the very-weakened Superman. [Max: Great minds, Don.]

This issue reads very choppily, as a lot of the transitions are jarringly abrupt.  From when Superman barely finishes his sentence when they come against Mongul, or later when we cut away from Jeb midsentence to the Cyborg, then jumping right to Steel in the engine room, it can be confusing as a reader.  Anyone else notice this?

Looks like Bog has skipped right past the Clint Eastwood of last week, and is taking the Eradicator right into R. Lee Ermey territory.

It’s fitting that in what amounts to the final issue of this being a Steel comic (until his own later series) that they finally raise the John Henry story, as the inspiration for Steel’s name.  In an industry with a reputation for underrepresenting people of colour, Simonson and Bogdanove’s Superman: the Man of Steel has consistently featured prominent African-American characters, and portrayed them with nuance and dignity rarely afforded in the mid-90s.

I would have liked to seen a little more acknowledgement from the Cyborg of just how much his plans are screwed up, but I suppose it’s all supposed to further demonstrate how insane he is.  One thing after another, his plans fail (Superboy survives, saves Metropolis, Warworld conversion fails, SUPERMAN IS ALIVE, Mongul betrays him, Green Lantern is coming to help, etc).  Now he’s saying “ah, it’s all cool, all that matters is my plan to kill Superman!” Except that he thought that Superman was dead when he hatched this whole plan! [Max: I guess they had to make it sound like there was still stuff on the line before the big climax... but yeah, that was weird. No one’s buying it, Hank.]

Aside from a few pages where they go ALL OUT (like the aforementioned Engine City spread), there’s a real dearth of backgrounds in this issue, with tons of figures on solid or blank backgrounds.

I’m glad we got a little update on Lois after Superman jetbooted away again, it was kind of her to assure them that this is indeed the real Clark who has returned.   Still, that conversation could have been a lot more awkward than it was.

FOOLS! The Man in Black is an impostor! My money’s on Bibbo now.

[ramenfallsbutnotudon]

Riverdale Raw Thoughts

Binge watched Riverdale last night as my Netflix membership for the month was expiring. (Not renewing again until early November to watch S2 The Crown and other stuff I’m waiting on) - Like I literally stayed up from 9 pm to 6 pm this morning watching the show straight and then went to bed and woke up at noon.

Cheesy dialogue aside, it was pretty great for what it was.

But it suffered from the same thing Scream Queens did - interesting core plot, but cheesy cringy writing and too many pop culture references to pander to their target audience demographic (I’m assuming 18-34)

Wishy-washy social commentary: 

FP Jones ain’t shit but Jughead has a cute beenie and is sensitive so he’s a-okay.

 Alice Cooper grew up on the “wrong side of the tracks” but married well so now she’s determined to keep south side trash out by joining the “neighborhood watch” and using her white woman hood, white feminism and ‘come-uppance’ privilage to publish edgy think pieces.

Betty Cooper has some pent up rage that is sorta overlooked because it was “for good” (doing it for the girls and trying to get revenge for Polly - and because the guy was Black, thinly veiled anti-blackness) until it isn’t overlooked but simply mentioned . Then she initally starts using Jughead and Jughead calls it out and she kind of agrees and says she has “darkness” in her - until something happens again and she decides to “let the darkness out” and be selfish and blame it on something else again.

Jughead getting dealt a piss poor hand, being okay at the South Side school (he’s a gang member - arguably gang leader or liutenant’s son...of course he’s fine jesus fucking christ Riverdale) until the trio of good show up to...talk to him and comfort him? and they realize he’s fine.

Betty making a white feminist speech about the town needing to do better because yes although her boyfriend’s dad is a Serpent he’s a good person and although her parents told her to shut her mouth she feels it’s the right thing to do. [She actually did not care about the Serpents before and her buds Veronica and Kevin  heckled them during the last drive in movie screening.but whatevs] After the speech she has no solution or propsed ways the town can “do better” and there’s this awkward silence and everyone’s favorite punching bag has to clap it up so people blindy accept that lackluster speech. (I don’t expect a teenage girl to fix the towns problems but if you wanted to tackle the issue and get people talking shouldnt’t you also have some thoughts other than people not being mean to your boyfriend?)

Jughead not having shit and the gang seeing him enter the trailer with a girl and (maybe wanting to keep a pg 13 rating) stop him before their steamy make out session leads to something more give him a jacket to become a serpent and Betty is angry that he’s trying to survive and embracing the gang life that he’s essentially grown up around and will be surrounded by until he comes of age.

Archie’s dad’s forhead. my god. not social commentary but damn it bugged me.

Archie and his hottie teacher banging without impuity and her being allowed to quietly leave after obviously being a predator and dangerous person. (did they ever give her back her gun??? IS that what Alice uses when Hal breaks back in? Did Hal ever mention he stole the evidence to the sheriff even after it came to light FP was innocent?)

Archie wanting the pussy cat’s to use his song so he manipulates one of the band members (Valerie), dates her, uses their connections, ignores her, and when she dumps him and tells him why he isn’t shit he somehow doesn’t get it.

Valerie being acceptable to date because she has blue eyes and light skin but she’s rarely heard from when she’s no longer helping archie’s ‘music career’ but simply dating him.

Archie playing along with Cheryl’s crazy ass family “for his music” as an excuse to be selfish.

Archie trying to be a tortured soul when his dad point blank asked him why he’s lying if he wants music that’s cool it’s just unstable; someone else (Veronica I think?) kind of saying why are you being like this no one is making you choose between Football and music; someone bringing up he was only music when he was banging his hottie teacher; the football team heckles him once but they seen he’s Troy Bolton & they accepted him - everyone fucking accepted him but himself like christ and he spent the whole season searching for validation of his self worth in women and girls.

Just Archie I mean christ lmfao. You don’t like Betty, You make out with Veronica, you decide your really into your hottie music teacher and manipulate her into music lessons (although she manipulated the hell out of him as well), when your dad starts getting a boner for her you try to cut contact with her short, people find out, you decide the pussy cats are your answer, they explain they are black and because of the culture they have had to fight hard and they can’t have a white man just step in and run shit, archie the white man steps in and runs shit, archie breaks them up, Archie says he can’t perform alone and manipulates Valerie playing on her insecurities to leave the band, archie decides “he was wrong” and Veronica decides to help him, he ditches Veronica because he looked within himself and realized he wasn’t shit, he patronizes jughead and only resumes their rocky friendship because he wanted him to keep the secret about him banging their hottie teacher, he’s semi jealous that jughead is dating Betty, archie then really wants Veronica and wants to make sure Betty isn’t jealous. He keeps playing the hero...something which probably got his dad killed at the end - If there’s a s2 I haven’t seen it yet)

Veronica Lodge is hella famous by name and it’s a small town everyone knows who she is and she even points out that she expected more people to talk to her and acknowledge her divine presence but Kevin is like “lol you got overshadowed by another rich person’s death” /s but... Ethel Muggs truly has no fucking idea who she is? No incling? No rumors? Is she really that much of a rock-dweller?

The whole incest baby thing....the josef mengele joke...the fact that Jason and Cheryl were twins.....the eugenics joke when Cheryl’s face says them damn well know they practice eugenics and ethic breeding and need to keep up the “blossom apperance” (Her dad’s red wigs, using Archie as a stand-in for Jason...but I digress -  just touch on the topic to sound edgy and draw controversy but leave it shallow eh?)

The whole “lol let’s ship our pregnant daughter away to a literal convent in 2017 because I was shipped to a convent in the late 80′s early 90′s- but why is she mad at me I love her I’d never do anything to hurt her like ambushing her and having her dragged away against her will as an underage expecting teenager lol”

Hyping big bad black football player up to fuck shit up at Archie’s party and in reality he kinda did...nothing? lmao  (a la Jughead’s aminous V.O. about “no one expected what happened at that party” or some shit )

The whole “the sins of the father don’t or shouldn’t reflect on the daughter” but Veronica gets away scott free essentially and Cheryl literally loses everything because I mean fuck those Blossoms amirite lololol /S

Archie looked like Jason, got his number initially before retiring it (lol kind of insensitive to have his doppleganger become team captain for plot purposes later on ) and the Blossoms essentially used him because he mirrored Jason at the tapping ceremony.

The name Hermione Lodge lmfao she’s not old enough for the HP book reading mom boom.

Hermione Lodge and Hiram Lodge’s intials on that stupid fucking bag.

Veronica being rich and intelligent but her morals making her real fucking dumb. (I wanna go home but I also wanna coddle everyone my daddy hurt but I still wanna be rich lol but I’m implicating my mom and she’s literally begging and pleading me to stop and having crying fits but lol justice and my chanel bags hahaha and I’m gonna go clubbing and shopping even though my mom is working as a waitress and flirting with her old hs boyfriend to secure a job so we can continue to float and not drown and not be taken down by the families my dad hurt lololol omg archie is a hot prince harry hipster ginger amirite lololol the met gala lalala rich girl things new york lol)

The whole plot demand that Veronica win the impromptu HBIC dance off when big red Cheryl actually killed that shit and Veronica danced like a fucking robot.

ARCHIE HURT HIS HAND PLAYING FOOTBALL AND CRACKING THICK ICE WITH HIS BARE BLOODY KNUCKLES HOW DOES THE GINGER WONDER STILL HAVE USE OF THAT HAND ? The body heals but it’s never the same after repeated exposed trama’s to the same area in a short period of time.

.....I’ve ranted enough about this and I didn’t even mean to.

The last two episodes seemed to have been steamrolled for the sake up tying up loose ends to create a cliffhanger for another season.

Again, good for what it was....but... I truly enjoyed that the real villian was capitalism. Good job millenials.

 (not sarcasm. Capitlaism destroyed Jughead’s future a la his father FP and Fred Andrews - The Coopers and the Blossoms - Josie McCoy’s mom - “Criminal” capitalism Hiram Lodge ruining his associates lives, the small town not working for everyone -  Archie’s mom moving (after seperation), Jughead’s mom moving, Veronica’s mom moving back because she can survive in their economy on the nest money Hiram left....) etc etc

These small cosy “uppercrust white” town just isn’t safe anymore.

I mean have you seen that new negro mayor? That wealthy latina woman and her daughter?That negro coach and his star player son?

Remember - without Capitalism there is no social inequality, systematic racism, white supremacy, classism, etc etc

(also my personal issues with one of the actors colored this a bit biased....but on how things went it was cool.)

Also our culture has a real hardon for the 1950s eh? I know it’s based on the Archie Comics but Stranger Things, 13 Reasons Why...other media where we’re going for the small town america aesthetic and “traditional values” and sprinkling in some social issues and people of color for kicks.

On to season 2 I guess lol.

Don’t put too much stock into my raw thoughts, I just think shows (especially in our current political climate and reality) should commit to what they really want.

[comixconnection]

Green Arrow “Rebirth” Series Review by Counter Monkey Nicky

I’m on my way to Seattle soon to visit my brother so I thought, what better way to prep for that trip than by binge re-reading the first two volumes of the new Green Arrow series from DC’s “Rebirth” event? (I suppose some people might pack or check the week's weather ahead of time or things like that, but ehh...that sounds like a lot less fun!) The connection of course is that Oliver Queen is currently based in Seattle, and much of the first story-arc involves villains who make use of the "underground" levels of Seattle. If you didn’t know, the city was nearly destroyed in a massive fire decades ago and basically rebuilt on top of the ruins! I've toured the underground before and while we didn't see the buried mansion that our heroes end up fighting the bad guys in, it was still pretty cool to read about a super villain lair in a "secret" location that I've actually been to!

My favorite thing about the new Green Arrow series isn't the familiar locale, however (although if they don't end up fighting a dark-magic-animated version of the Bridge Troll at some point, I'm going to be disappointed! Who sets a story in Seattle and doesn't take advantage of that wonderful, ridiculous sculpture?). My favorite thing is the familiar spirit of the story and the familiar cast of characters who inhabit it. I've been a fan of Oliver Queen for years. To this day the early-2000s Green Arrow and Black Canary series by Judd Winick and Cliff Chang and Mike Norton remains one of my favorite super hero comics ever (and if you haven’t read this delightful tale of a ramshackle super-family fighting crime while fighting -- lovingly -- with each other at the same time, grab the collections now!).

Anyway thus to me, Oliver will always be a smart-mouthed, mistake-prone, cynically optimistic, chili-cooking, meddling do-gooder who leaps before he looks, can't shut-up to save his life, and screws up every relationship he ever touches but keeps trying anyway. He wins your heart by his sincerity even while you want to slap him for his self-absorption and flippancy. This new Rebirth series includes all of that, paying homage to the classic version of the character that was cemented in fans’ minds by the “Hard Traveling Heroes” arc that saw him road-tripping across the country with b.f.f. Hal Jordan, while simultaneously keeping intact the more recent events and developments of the New 52. But don’t worry if you’ve never read Green Arrow before, either pre- or post-New 52 reset, because this story serves as both a great continuation to welcome back old readers as well as a good starting point for new readers.

It’s a hard balance to strike admittedly, but Ben Percy and Juan Ferreyra and Stephen Byrne and Otto Schmidt do an admirable job of juggling so many responsibilities with aplomb, snappy banter, and gorgeous artwork! (Also I’m not going to ruin the moment for you here, but they even manage to work in an homage to the classic Boxing Glove Arrow and let me just say that it’s a real beaut!) We meet our new, bearded-once-more version of Oliver at the same time that Seattle-newcomer Black Canary does: when they cross paths trying to help a homeless kid whose mother has vanished. Their search for the source of these kidnappings leads them into Seattle’s underground and also into immediate conflict with each other. They make a good team even when they’re arguing and it doesn’t take long for the sparks flying between them to spark an attraction that I really hope means that Black Canary is in this book to stay!

They work together like a well-oiled by still very squeaky machine, bantering and complaining and kissing and scolding and bringing out the best in each other through a combination of mutual respect and aggravation. “Forget it,” Dinah tells Ollie at one point when he’s trying to apologize for putting his foot in his mouth yet again, “I know you’re trying to say the right thing even when you’re saying the wrong thing.” I’m not sure that anyone has ever summed-up the essence of Oliver Queen in one sentence better than writer Percy does right there!

Dinah Lance isn’t the only important woman with whom Ollie has some stormy relationship troubles to weather in this story, however. Green Arrow has been acting as a surrogate father-figure/big brother to younger heroes ever since his first appearance in More Fun Comics #73 back in 1941 where he and his first sidekick, Speedy, were introduced together. This time he’s acting as super-hero mentor to young Emiko Queen, his teenaged half-sister who is also the daughter of the assassin Shado. Oliver and Emiko haven’t known each other for long when this story starts (they met in the previous New 52-era comics by Jeff Lemire) but while their bond is a little rocky at times it is also full of the same warm affection and rough banter that traditionally characterize a Green Arrow mentorship.

Which is not to say that things are all smooth sailing for the snarky half-siblings -- and once you’ve read the series you will appreciate the genius of the pun I just made there, I hope! -- but that’s the joy of a good Green Arrow story: nothing ever goes smooth, not when it comes to fighting crime and not when it comes to forging friendships, but the heroes keep trying anyway. They are flawed, troubled, mortal, often irritating people but they’re here to do the right thing...and when they inevitably screw-up they’ll do it again and again until they get it right. Nobody takes a punch like Oliver Queen, not because he has super-strength -- he doesn’t, nor any other super powers -- but because he’s learned how to get up again no matter what. And his friends and family are right there with him, even though maybe they sometimes want to smother him in his sleep or at least duct-tape his mouth for a while!

Dinah and Emiko aren’t the only people who end up as part of Oliver’s awkward little family but I don’t want to give away who’s good and who’s bad and who’s still somewhere in the wind so I won’t say any more about them here; suffice to say that Ollie isn’t working on his own and nobody in the group is a shrinking violet when it comes to expressing their opinion even if only one of them has a super sonic scream! (And hey while we’re talking about talents, have you guys noticed the gorgeously raw, organically fluid artwork and the delightfully lovely colors? Because gosh this book is pretty to read!)

It looks like “Team Arrow” is back -- or at least, the idea of it is going strong again even if some of the cast who make up the found-family that Oliver is so good at collection are a little different this time around -- and I couldn’t be happier about that, because I think that Green Arrow works best both as a book and as a character when he’s got people to look out for, and to look out for him. That’s one of the many lessons he learns in this story himself in fact, and I for one can’t wait to see where he and his misfit family and friends go next. They’ve certainly made their fair-share of enemies -- but that’s something Oliver Queen was always an expert at! Some things are as eternal and classic as a Boxing Glove Arrow and I wouldn’t want my Green Arrow any other way. Check out volumes one and two today, or subscribe to the ongoing issues. You won’t be disappointed!