#hairaftercancer

[heyamandahey]

Remission for VIP Status

Left taken August in 2019 when I still had my PICC line. Right taken February 2021 for Lunar New Year!

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February 20, 2021

Vaccine My state recently expanded their eligibility requirements to include individuals in remission! Since my immune system returned to normal many moons ago, I had previously assumed I would get the vaccine along with the general public. What an unexpected status bump to receive. See you later, peons! 

Minus the poor web site experience, I managed to successfully schedule my first vaccination dose! If all goes as planned, then I should receive my second vaccination toward the end of March. Fingers crossed! 

Dating During COVID Compared to pre-pandemic, it has involved more video calls as a precursor to in-person dates, along with more restaurant or bar reservations made in advance since outdoor seating has been much more limited the last few months, indoor dining aside. I once made the mistake of not making a reservation, thinking it would be easy to find a table for two at any number of places nearby. I was wrong: every place was booked, and we ended up at a restaurant that did not serve any alcohol. Alas. 

Haircut Although the overall texture has remained far finer than my old hair, I can at last pull it all back into a centered ponytail, now that the hair around my crown has gotten long enough. 

Just ahead of last Thanksgiving, I did get my first haircut finally! After the mullet portion was officially severed, I tried to request something akin to an angled bob, thinking it would be more visually-interesting than an ordinary blunt cut, but the barber stated that I did not yet have enough hair for it. The three words of “not enough hair” was certainly deflating, but I reminded myself that my hair will keep growing. I will try again in the spring! 

[christenclifford]

PIncurls on the subway. I ran into a fellow cancer person and after we talked about our numbers she said, “oh, you aren’t dying your hair anymore?” I AM, just highlights and pale blues mixed in with brown and grey and white. She complained about the estrogen blocker. I forgot I wasn’t taking it. She was shocked. “It’s the first thing I’ll do if my numbers go up” but then I felt guilty- I’m not doing EVERYTHING I CAN to stop it coming back. She said, “we can’t get fat, you know, fat has estrogen in it” and I felt bad for gaining cookies over the holidays and happy for colonoscopy - it was like a restart. I like my hair now. It’s a little thicker. And I used to wear my hair in these little twists in the 90’s - often with butterfly clips that had little net butterflies on them. There’s a girl on the subway reading #13byshanley andbi want to talk to her about how much his plays influenced me. I emailed my acting agent today and said I’d get new pictures after my face settles from the needles. All those ladies at the #goldenglobes had injections, and sorry to rude , but Catherine Zeta Jones even had injectables in her LEGS. Oh what is it to be female? What is it to be woman? Does gender even exist? #hair #fuckcancer #hairaftercancer https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsbq-Yflfkp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1a5cvs96zygg5

[racingforracks]

So for all of those that are currently undergoing chemo- loosing your hair sucks- but having it again is amazing. Be patient and kind to yourself and one day you might be surprised at how much hair you have 💁😍💇 #selfie #hair #lotsofhair #3yearspostchemo #lifeafterbreastcancer #breastcancer #hairaftercancer

[heyamandahey]

Under Quarantine

Hairstyles from left to right: Turn That Fake Volume Up, Is This a Recession Crisis, and How a Hat Covers Everything Up

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Sunday, April 26, 2020

My hair continues to grow! I didn't even realize I could tuck some of it behind my ears again, something I haven't done in nearly eleven months, until a friend mentioned it over a virtual happy hour. She recommended the pomade Suavecito to help me start exploring other styling possibilities. It continues to be a little strange to get little hair milestones like these: being able to part it again, being able to tuck it behind the ears, et al.  Leftmost photo: this is my attempt at some sort of coiffure. You can see how happy I am. I don't love it. Despite finding photos of other Asian women with short, chic styles as "hairspiration," I don’t feel confident or glamorous nor does it feel like me, but it's not forever. Even before the pandemic, my short hair did not bother any cute guy I went on a date with, so I will continue to remind myself of that. 

Middle photo: I found what feels like a receding hairline. It seems like the left side is growing a bit more thinly than other areas. Commence profound Googling at 5:30 A.M. one morning until I found text to reassure me this is normal. If it's still like this six months from now, however, it will likely indicate my hair has just gotten thinner permanently. Alas. 

Right photo: When I do not style my hair, it's reminiscent of Mark Zuckerberg, and no one wants that. Perhaps until my hair gets to my jawline (or at least some bangs?), I will continue to wear a hat. Unless the unbearable summer heat arrives. Whichever comes first. Hah. 

MRW I comb all my hair to the front. No number of filters will fix this monstrosity. Upside: when your hair grows back after being completely bald, the ends look naturally feathered, so that’s nice

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Sheltering in Place Living in one of the U.S. epicenters during a pandemic has had its ups and downs. I am thankful that my job has not been affected much; some client projects were put on hold, but my plate continues to be full. I feel extremely fortunate to exercise creativity and logic on a salary when so many cannot. Working from home has made it easier to fit in a quick workout before my morning shower as well. Gotta find those silver linings where we can, right?!  While I have not rigorously baked as so many have on Instagram, I have started growing scallions, drawing again in my sketchbook, been playing DnD with my besties, and taken a renewed interest in Twitch, finding new favorite streamers and delighting in people play Animal Crossing in all corners of the world. Despite these dark times, we can still find new joys. 

Drawings I made for friends earlier this year with Prismacolor pencils my older brother gifted me in 2003. I deliberately made these on graph paper to help avoid “feeling precious”

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[heyamandahey]

Summer Hair & CT Scan

Left to right: Trying to show how long my hair really is right now / My hair dry, no product / My hair still damp from a shower

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Friday, July 3, 2020

CT Scan

Yesterday I arrived for my six-month CT scan follow-up from my last one in January. The process was generally the same, except waiting room chairs were either removed or positioned with Do Not Sit Here signs to encourage social-distancing. When we need to change into a gown, we remain in the changing room and wait to be called as well, rather than returning to the secondary waiting area. Everyone is good about wearing a mask. 

This morning my hematologist called to inform me of my results: the tumor remains dead and continues to shrink! Apparently it will never fully go away as it sheds itself into my bloodstream at a glacial pace. Currently it sits at 2.7 x 1.5 cm, previously measured 3.3 x 1.7 cm in January. I do not require another scan for another year. 

Before my diagnosis in 2019, it grew up to 8.8 x 4.8 cm or size of a large peach, ha. My trachea then was only about 2 mm wide at its most narrow opening. 

Before (Left, April 2019) and After (Right, July 2020)

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Hair Update

It is finally long enough to put into miniature pig tails, minuscule pony tail, or any other farm animal tail. I am slightly surprised at how long my hair has to be to continue looking so short; while it's almost four inches, it scarcely seems like two without a bit of product. 

The texture still feels thinner overall, so I suppose it is a permanent change from the chemotherapy. Things could be worse. I am trying to take comfort in how softer it feels. Should I ever have to go through chemo again, however, I feel like I may stick with a buzzcut indefinitely, haha. 

Somewhat to my dismay, the hair in the back already covers my neck! Why should my neck receive bangs before my face does? In another couple months, I feel like I'll at least have a more proper side-swept fringe. My mom and little brother have given me tips on how to use something called “fiber cream” in conjunction with hairspray to maintain a style for when, you know, I go out. To get groceries. 

[racingforracks]

So for all of those that are currently undergoing chemo- loosing your hair sucks- but having it again is amazing. Be patient and kind to yourself and one day you might be surprised at how much hair you have 💁😍💇 #selfie #hair #lotsofhair #3yearspostchemo #lifeafterbreastcancer #breastcancer #hairaftercancer