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wintfleur · 1 month ago

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𝓛ITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

aka heathers profile

━━━ ❛ cause she’s that kind of book you can’t put down

ꪆ୧ BASICS .ᐟ

name: Heather Elise Hughes

nicknames:

tiny (close friends)

sunshine (everyone)

elie (parents & willy )

sweet girl (ellen)

hattie (brothers)

heath (jack)

princess (joe)

honey (joe)

petal (joe)

birthday and zodiac: May 14th 2001, taurus

age: 23

birthplace: orlando, florida

location:

michigan (former)

vancouver, canada (former)

cincinnati, ohio (currently)

ꪆ୧ APPEARANCE .ᐟ

eye color: blue

glasses? heather prefers to wear her glasses, only really wearing contacts when she just doesn't want to deal with her glasses, usually when she goes out.

hair color: medium blond

hair styles: heather likes to keep her hair down at mid-back length, with curtain bangs that frame her face. to keep her hair out of her face and up, she likes putting it in a ponytail or a lower bun, or in two braids.

skin tone: pale ivory

height: 5’4

scars: has a few scares littered across her hands from years of being in the kitchen.

piercing(s): two in both of her lobes

tattoo(s): none

face claim: sabrina carpenter

ꪆ୧ ABOUT .ᐟ

personality: anyone who knew heather or knew of her, would always describe her as being the ‘sweetest soul’. ever since she was little she's always tried to look for the best in people, treating everyone with kindness and fairness. Heather has a very warm personality, kind, friendly, enthusiastic and she loves showing affection emotionally or physically. Heather is soft spoken but can get a little loud/giggly when she feels happy/comfortable. A lot of her friends have said she has a nurturing personality, and just someone you want to be around and have in your life. Despite her soft spokenness she is very protective of the people she loves, luke likes to joke about her being like a ‘mama bear’

good traits: kind, honest, loyal, creative, family oriented, comforting, passionate, grateful

bad traits: self critical, emotional when tired, an overthinker

quirks: very affectionate, rants/rambles, nods when she listens to people talk, fidgets with her glasses, is always putting on chapstick, fidgets with her or joes hands when nervous, bites her lip when she's focused

likes: christmas, animals, boats, cuddling with joe, skating with her brothers, conspiracy theories, her nintendo switch, journaling, singing, natural sunlight, snoopy, trying new recipes, cloudy weather

dislikes: rude people, scary movies, spiders, being put on the spot, being taken advantage, bad manners, mansplaining

hobbies: art, reading, gardening, jogging, singing, pilates, hockey, drawing, scrapbooking, knitting

fears: losing her family, tight spaces, being buried alive, clowns

strengths: her kindness, time management, her generosity, organized, her intellect

weaknesses: her kindness at times, doesn't realize when people are using her, gives to many chances to people who don't deserve them, her anxiety, tends to overwork herself, gets headaches easily

languages spoken: english (fluent) french (learning)

occupation/profession: owner of her own bakery, pastry chef, florist & influencer/singer

ambition/dream: to have her own family

current concern: how to convince joe that they should get a puppy

currently listening to: lovebug - jonas brothers

ꪆ୧ RELATIONSHIPS .ᐟ

parents:

Jim hughes

Ellen Weinberg-hughes

sibling(s):

Quinn hughes

Jack hughes

Luke hughes

best friends: cole caufield, william nylander, olivia grace lennox, sophie carter, elora smith, mark suh

friends: most of her brothers friends & teammates, ja’marr chase, kennedy walsh, joe’s teammates, hailee steinfeld, justin herbert

love interest: joe burrow

pet(s): a male white cat, named snoopy

ꪆ୧ MORE .ᐟ

scent: in the words of her closest friends and family ‘warm and comforting’ she either smells like flowers or fresh bread / pastries or her signature perfume Gucci flora. Her scent is very welcoming and warm, and it lingers. She's often thought about when people smell fresh flowers or fresh bread. Her scent isn't overwhelming at all, it's very welcoming and comforting, some associate her with the smell of christmas.

outfits: a few stable items in her wardrobe is; her sweaters, her skirts, and tights. Heather loves clothes so she has a large wardrobe. She will wear all different shades of clothing, as long as she matches, she likes to look presentable. her day to day clothing consists of skirts, low rise or mom jeans, sweaters, baby tees, long sleeves or short dresses with tights under them. If she wants to be more comfortable, she likes wearing a pair of loose jeans and a big sweater. Heather is a big boots, platforms and Mary Jane girl, she has a few pairs of sneakers but they don’t normally go with her regular outfits. She likes experimenting with clothes!

accessories: Heather is a big fan of accessories, she has many different pairs of prescription glasses so she has a lot of options for outfits. She loves wearing hair clips, thick hair bands, ear muffs, berets, bows, sunglasses. for her bags she likes having smaller ones for when she goes out, cute tiny keychains on them, for her more practical bags she likes having keychains on them as well.

jewelry: heather loves jewelry! But she honestly doesn't wear it on the regular, it usually gets in her way as she bakes and it's just more sanitary if she doesn't wear it at all. She does wear her gold arden diamond promise ring that Joe got her every single day, always putting it in a safe place if she's baking. But for the days she's not baking, she likes wearing a few rings at a time, she doesn't care if it's gold or silver. She’s not a fan of necklaces, but she almost always wears her matching locket that she has with her mom. She owns a few bracelets and always goes back and forth between them.

makeup: Heather's day to day makeup is usually just some light concealer, some mascara, eyeliner, lipgloss/lipstick, she likes to keep it very light. But on days where she wants to wear more, she likes doing some highlighter, eyeshadow, and sometimes her eyebrows!

sexuality: bisexual

health issues? heather has severe anemia

ꪆ୧ FAVORITES .ᐟ

food(s): tortellini, carrots, asparagus, steak

drink(s): hot chocolate, coffee, ice tea, lemonade, dr pepper

color(s): earth tones, pinks, yellow

animal(s): dogs, cats, bears, horses (literally all animals)

bands and artist: ABBA, Fleetwood Mac, florence + the machine, faye webster, beach boys, five seconds of summer

show(s): gilmore girls, yellowstone, outer range, gossip girl

movie(s): nightmare before christmas, princess diaries, lord of the rings, harry potter

person: joe and luke

ꪆ୧ BACKGROUND .ᐟ

heather and alongside her older twin brother jack – by 18 minutes, were born on a bright and sunny monday.

heather was 6 when she first made her first cake by herself, she often helped her mother in the kitchen and that made her realize her love for baking.

when Heather was 7 she started figure skating, quitting when she was 17. She was naturally talented at the sport and could have gone pro, but that’s not what she wanted to do in life,

in elementary school heather was in her first school musical, finding her love for singing.

heather graduated high school at 16

from age 17 – 19 (2019 – 2021) heather lived in Vancouver with quinn, for college.

In January of 2022 Heather moved to Cincinnati, Ohio to fulfill her dream of opening up her bakery/flower shop.

ꪆ୧ FUN FACTS .ᐟ

heather started a YouTube channel in 2020 during the pandemic, at first, she only posted baking and singing covers, but she now posts vlogs as well, she has over 6 million subscribers.

heather has been planning on releasing her first album soon!

heather has modeled a few times

heather along with her two best friends, sophie and elora have a podcast together, it has over 3 million subscribers.

heather is an extrovert, she's definitely a people person

heather was very popular in school, having friends in every ‘clique’

heather is a very creative artistic person! She loves showing her creativity in everything she does

heather is a very motherly friend, caring, supportive, comforting, and protective. Not just with her friends but also with her family.

despite having a busy childhood - teenage life with all her hobbies and studying, she was a very helpful person, helping her neighbors, volunteering, babysitting, or tutoring.

heather’s two major love languages is physical touch and cooking for people!

heather never does a half ass job. No matter what she's doing, heather is putting in her all!

heather is extremely close with her family, her family means so much to her, she talks with them everyday

heather had a really bad breakup in early 2021, her and her now ex-boyfriend had been dating since early 2020. At first the relationship was great, but it had turned toxic with the way he was treating heather. Heather was the one to break up with him after he went too far.

heather had her first relationship when she was 15 for 9 months with her first girlfriend, they still keep in touch with each other.

heather is easily flustered, something her close friends and family love to tease her about

heather is very loved by the nhl and nfl world, the fans, media, commentators all love her

heather was always at the top of all of her classes, she took her education very seriously

heather obviously has her Bachelor of Science in baking and pastry arts

besides figure skating and hockey, she is very clumsy with other sports

heather is only competitive with board games and baking! Other than that, she's not really competitive

her dream is to have a family of her own, she's always wanted to have a son and daughter

heather was voted for three things in high school, best smile, most creative, and most caring.

heather loves puzzles, doing them whenever she gets stressed.

whenever her iron is low (her severe anemia) heather becomes very tired and emotional, she tries to stay cheerful, but you can tell that she’s struggling.

heather loves shopping!

Heather loves planning parties and get togethers, she loves getting the people she cares about together and enjoying a great time with them.

Heather is a very festive person, for every holiday! She loves decorating and dressing up

Heathers three favorite sports are, hockey, football and f1

lots of people get cuteness aggression with her

heather has her very own bakery/flower shop called ‘petals n pastries’

It's a very warm and homey place, she has a very diverse customer base, from students of all ages, families, people of all ages, etc. But it's mostly college students who order and stay in the bakery.

The front of the place is where the bakery and seating are held, there is an entrance to the side of the place that leads to the back where there is an outside patio where you can find all the flowers!

It is a very popular and well-known place despite being a few years old. It's often talked about its delicious pastries, beautiful flowers, the warm and comforting ambiance and the kind and friendly staff.

Heather never wastes any of the food, donating it to homeless shelters and local food banks, and even fire departments. No flower is wasted as well, donating them to nursing homes, cancer support centers and women shelters.

Heather is often called a workaholic for how much she works, but she really just loves it, her bakery and flower shop is her dream, and she just wants it to thrive.

Heather is a chaotic drunk, she always wants to have fun! She’s very giggly and clingy, but she’s the type of drunk that you always have to keep your eye on, because one minute she will be standing there the next she’s climbing something!! she’s definitely the life of the party

heather has three Instagram accounts, her personal one is @/heatherhughes and her private Instagram is @/hattiehughes and her Instagram for her bakery and flower shop is @/PetalsNpastries

Her private twitter, which is basically like her diary, is @/heathhughess

ꪆ୧ POSTS N MORE .ᐟ

heatherhughes just posted !

📍Cincinnati, Ohio

liked by nicohischier, matthewknies, teehiggins and more

🏷️ soph_carter , joeyb_9

🎵 : suddenly I see - kt tunstall

heatherhughes ☀️

view all comments

haileesteinfeld pretty girl 🤩

lahjay10_ joe can definitely see with those big ass glasses 🤣

joeyb_9 bro 😐

heatherhughes BAHAHAH 😭

elorasmithsss cutest girl 😚

elorasmithsss soph really is just cheesing 🤗

heatherhughes our smiley girl 😚

jackhughes please get a dog, I want to live my dog parent life through you 😔

heatherhughes I’m trying to convince Joe 🙏

lhughes_06 snoopy ☹️

heatherhughes he misses you! (pls come visit)

colecaufield oh? back to the guitar era? let’s goooo

heatherhughes my fingers HURT.

_quinnhughes I miss your baking please come back 😪

heatherhughes just my baking?? what about my personality hmm??

justinherbert so I’m gonna need that pie ☝️

heatherhughes I just so happen to be selling that pie…

username the life I want to to live

username her outfits are always so pretty 😵‍💫

username drop joe!!

username how is joe pulling that???

soph_carter the outfits? slaying! the face card? Never declines! 😻

heatherhughes me?? Blushing! 🤭

markSuhhh it’s not fair that my dog loves you more than me :(

heatherhughes no….he loves snoopy more than both of us 😣

joeyb_9 blessing my feed petal 😻

joeyb_9 but why that pic 😭

heatherhughes my handsome nerd 🤓

𝓻oro’s note. oh heather hughes my sunshine girl ☀️ i really hope you guys like her!! she’s so dear to me :( this au is interactive so please send in as many asks as you want!

𝓭ie 𝔀ith 𝓪 𝓼mile m.list

you can find everything for this au under this tag #⭐️ ꞌꞋ ࣪ _ 𝓭ie 𝔀ith 𝓪 𝓼mile 𐙚 . ꒱

˖ ་ taglist : @winterbarnesblog @toasttt11 @iceflwers @cixrosie @bunbunbl0gs

©️WINTFLEUR ; you can't copy, translate, reproduce, repost my fic, use my plot or layout.

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sirfrogsworth · 1 year ago

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Photo Restoration Project - Part 1

A long time ago, Katrina sent me some old photos of her family I could restore. Her parents have been helping me from afar for years and I really wanted to do something nice for them. Unfortunately my dad got much worse and I pretty much forgot about this project for quite some time.

But then I decided to visit Katrina in Orlando and we discussed having dinner with her parents and I remembered these photos. So I thought I would fix them up so I could present them as a gift in person.

The first and most important photo was from her parents wedding.

Old photo prints can fade over time due to UV light exposure. From what I understand, different colors fade at different rates and red/orange tones tend to be the least susceptible to this fading. Thankfully all of the color information is still there, it's just that the darks are not as dark and the lights are not as light. The dynamic range got squeezed like an accordion. However, if you do a levels adjustment on the red, blue, and green channels individually, you can unsqueeze the accordion and balance everything back to the way it was.

But you can't always save everything and there may be other damage that needs fixing. If something becomes pure white, there is no way to restore that detail. Thankfully I was able to use the new generative fill feature to bring back detail in the dress, the flowers, and the tuxedo shirt.

And because I hate front facing flash and how it makes colors look ugly and sterile, I may have also added a marble floor and pillars.

Next up was a photo of Anastasia, Katrina's mom, protesting Henry Kissinger on behalf of her home country of Greece. This suffered from the same color fading issues.

What made this one a little more tricky was an uneven fading. The left side had to be adjusted independently and the top was even more faded. I had to isolate the trees to bring back their color. And the protest signs were difficult to read, so I enhanced those as well.

Next we have this lovely photo of Anastasia tending to some house plants.

This photo was actually in decent shape. It lost a little contrast, had a little bit of fading, and her top retained almost no detail I could recover. Recovering accurate skin tones is probably one of the most important skills I learned when restoring these photos. I wanted to keep that filmic look of the era while avoiding making people look jaundiced or pale. Lightroom's new masking feature that let's you isolate every aspect of the people it detects in a photo. This made fixing skin tones much easier. I could isolate just her face or her lips or her hair or her eyes and make precise individual adjustments. This process could have taken a great deal longer without this feature. But, I brought back proper contrast and color, added a little bit of detail to her top with gen fill, and hopefully got fairly accurate skin tones as well.

Next up, forward facing flash strikes again in a photo of Mike and Anastasia during Christmas.

Film did not do well in low light. If it was indoors and nighttime, you pretty much had no choice but to use flash. But a flash is a very small, bright light source and this causes a very unflattering result on humans. Today we have much more powerful flashes with rotating heads. We can bounce the light into the ceiling or off a wall and increase the size of the light source to get a more flattering result.

In this photo I wasn't able to do much, so I just balanced the skin tones and brought out some hidden detail and called it a day. It's still a lovely memory and thankfully film has such character that it negates a lot of the unflattering aspects of direct flash.

Next up is some cuteness...

A big priority when editing photos is to make sure the subjects are the star of the photo. And in this one their faces were a bit obscured in shadow. There was also a lot of haze in the background hiding the beautiful vista. Not to mention when I cleared that haze, there was this super faint hint of something in the sky. I can't tell if it was a rainbow, but I decided to believe it was a rainbow. The only thing that I am still struggling with, and this seems to be common with a lot of old photos, is green. Getting a good, saturated, natural green to look right has been very difficult. Everything I try ends up looking toxic or fake. The only thing that ends up looking right with the rest of the photo is more of a yellow-y brown. It's something I'll have to work on as I learn, but as long as the overall photo looks balanced and natural, I'm okay with not perfectly nailing the greens.

Up next we have a lovely scene on a Greek dock...

As far as editing goes, this was pretty basic. I just undid the fading, adjusted the skin tones, replaced the blown-out sky, and made the colors pop. But I think this is actually one of my favorite before and after shots. I just love how such a simple fix brought this scene to life.

A new car is a big deal and Anastasia looks so proud here...

This image has another common issue in addition to the typical fading of colors. It has a yellowish orange color cast. This could have been an issue with the film used or the development process or a chemical reaction on the print. A color cast is a lot like looking through colored glasses. It's like a translucent color material was put on top of the image. This can be a little trickier to deal with, but if you know your color theory, you might already know the solution. Blue is the opposite of yellow/orange on the color wheel, so if you introduce blue to the image it should balance out. Also, add a sky if it was missing.

Next up we have a landscaping project...

This one wasn't too tricky, but there was one interesting issue I had to address. All light has a color temperature. Daylight has a temperature of around 5500K. But the inside of the garage was being lit by reflected light and so that light took on the color temperature of the things it was bouncing off of. So I had to mask out the people and the car and address the color temperature inside the garage to make everything look balanced. Also, the green fought me hard on this one. And with the theme of this picture being plants, I felt I really needed to find a tone that worked. I think I finally got there, but I spent way too much time in the color picker doing trial and error of green tones. Also, new sky.

With this next one I actually did a pretty thorough explanation of how I edited it. But this was probably my favorite puzzle to solve from this collection of photos.

I'll do the abridged explanation...

The physical photograph was printed on a paper with a very heavy texture. And when it was scanned, the light from the scanner bounced off that texture and created a pattern of unwanted highlights.

I was worried this was impossible to fix and I almost gave up on this photo. But after one final Google search I discovered something called "Fast Fourier Transform." It's a mathematical formula that can be used to detect patterns. And the image editing software Affinity Photo, just so happens to have a filter called FFT denoise that helps you remove unwanted patterns from scanned photos.

And thanks to that filter, I was able to remove a substantial amount of that pattern...

Then I did my standard clean up techniques...

Oh, and I decided to try learning how to colorize.

Photoshop has a new set of experimental filters and a colorization tool is one of them. It is not great yet, but it is a great starting place. Instead of having to hand paint every single thing in the photo, Photoshop gave me a base to work with and I could take it from there with traditional techniques.

That's all I have the energy for today, but there are a bunch of cool restorations to talk about. Hopefully you all find this interesting. It was such a great gift to give to Katrina's parents. And spending that time with them and making them happy felt like I was with my own parents again. So we all got a gift in that wonderful evening.

Part 2 coming as soon as I have the energy!

#photography #photo restoration

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fangirl-of-music · 8 months ago

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Legolas eye color poll:

which eye color do you prefer on Legolas? I prefer his brown eyes, but I want to know your opinion about the inconsistencies made between the Lord of the rings and the hobbit movies.

#lotr movies #orlando bloom #legolas #I think he's handsome #I like brown eyes #Movie inconsistency #lord of the rings #the hobbit #I love these movies with all my heart #Yes even the hobbit ones #I know that's an unpopular opinion but pls don't come for me #I just love this universe and all the characters and actors so much ❤️

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heartstringsduet · 3 months ago

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Happy Sunday <3 Have someone recall their first kiss for the upcoming chapter of Changed for Good.

Jessica asks, “Was that when you knew you were bi?”

Hasan snorts. “No. I mean…kind of. Kissing a guy certainly didn't help make me feel straight, but before that I had a vested interest in the obvious Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightly duo as a kid I couldn’t really understand. And I only really was sure about myself when I started dating Nigel in college.”

“Who doesn’t have a Pirates of the Caribbean moment?” Jessica says with wiggling eyebrows. “But your first kiss?”

“On the basketball court near my high school. We’d always hang out there when school let up early Junior year. TK never wanted to go home and I was glad because I took any excuse to hang out with him. I was such a nerd before we moved to New York, and I never understood why he bothered with me back then. TK was capital p popular. He wore nail-polish, dyed his hair this rust-brown color over winter break and wore mostly black, but he had a Hollister face to make it all work so he wouldn’t get bullied." The image of him is blurry now, but he remembers well how he always had trouble looking away from him. "Before the first kiss, we started out shoving each other about something and then pulling at each other and—”

“Boys,” Jessica scoffs.

“I guess,” Hasan concedes with a laugh. “But it was actually really sweet after.”

“Was he a good kisser?”

OPEN TAG &

@paperstorm @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @welcometololaland

@rmd-writes @freneticfloetry @never-blooms @liminalmemories21

@eclectic-sassycoweyes @lightningboltreader @alrightbuckaroo

@emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @bonheur-cafe @decafdino

@ironheartwriter @tellmegoodbye @strandnreyes @reyesstrand

@corsage @butchreyes @ameriicansrequiems @nisbanisba

@honeybee-taskforce @henrygrass @goodways @pimento-playing-hopscotch

@nancys-braids @irispurpurea @everlastingday @chicgeekgirl89

@carlossreaders @carlos-tk @pameluke @orchidscript @literateowl

#tk strand #911 lone star fic #seven sentence sunday #michelle writes

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forever1kay · 2 years ago

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POWER TRIP !!

Summary: When Miles is forced on a vacation with his mother and a bunch of people from his mom’s past, he expects to be miserable the entire time. But little does he know, you’re lots of fun to be around…

Pairing: Earth 42 Miles x Fem!Black!Reader (Both are 17)

Notes: My friend did not have time to translate for me so I had to take matters into my own hands and use SpanishDict and DeepL. If the translations are shit, please correct me in the comments. I’d really appreciate it. Also, If I mentioned anything about Miles’ hair being in a low ponytail or a bun, I meant what I said. He reminds me of Latrelle from on my block so his hair is very versatile in my mind💀 With that being said, I hope you all enjoy!

Warning(s): Implied Grumpy x Sunshine trope, profanity of course, Rio is definitely an instigator (she means well), Miles is annoyed for majority of the story, rushed relationship, Y/n’s dad is annoying, teenagers in love (you wish that was you huh?) Let me know if I forgot anything!!

When Miles’ mother bursts into his room, speaking in frantic Spanglish about how Miles needs to pack a bag, he has to stop and look at the expression on her face to realize nothing is wrong and he doesn’t need to kill anyone tonight.

His mother tells him that a few of her closest friends from high school had found her Facebook and wanted to meet up, and he couldn’t stay home alone after that stunt he pulled last week when she had to work extra hours at the hospital. And not only did he have to go, but he had to bring his younger cousin Dillon as well so his uncle Aaron could “handle some business.”

Miles just sighed, knowing he couldn’t argue with his mother and began to pack his bags. Three days later, him, Dillon, and his mother had landed in Orlando and were standing in the lobby of an overly colorful hotel. As his mother was checking in, Miles realized he’d rather be anywhere else.

After receiving their right room numbers, the three of them walked to their rooms to settle in before returning to the lobby, where all hell broke loose.

His mother had made the decision to scream and approach two other women who were also screaming. Miles could only shake his head and wish to go home. He thought about escape routes, ride arrangements, and even the possibility of staying at Uncle Aaron's house.

However, his inner thoughts were interrupted as his face was forced into someone's chest.

“Lil’ man!” A random chubby man yelled, his hand tangled into Miles curly ponytail. “You was this big last time I seen you! You done grew some! How old you is?”

“I’m seventeen.” Miles said, his voice muffled by the guy’s chest.

“Seventeen! Damn, how time flies by. You remember me?”

“Nah.” Miles said curtly.

“Miles.” His mother started, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t, ma. ¿Querías que mintiera?”

“Watch the attitude, Miles.” She said, thumping him on the forehead before embracing the strange man and the two screaming women. “These are my friends from high school. Michael, Linda, and Nicole.”

“Nice to meet you.” Dillon and Miles said in unison.

Linda grabbed Michael’s hand before gesturing to the children behind her. “These are our kids; Y/n and Jacob.”

Nicole then joined in. “And these are my sons, Jonny and Tito.”

Miles looks to each kid as they’re being introduced, but he lets his eyes linger on Y/n a little longer until Tito spoke.

“En realidad, mi nombre es Salvador. No Tito. I don’t know why they still call me that.”

Miles chuckles. “I feel you.”

“So how old are you all now?” Miles’ mother asks, squeezing her friends’ children into a hug.

The kids all name their age, and Rio gets excited immediately.

“Y/n and Miles you’re the same age! And Jacob you’re the same age as Dillon! You can all be such great friends. ¡Qué amoroso!”

The adults talk about their kids closeness in age for a second before Rio opens her mouth again.

“Papá, sé amable y ayúdala con sus maletas.”

“No necesita mi ayuda, mami.”

“Miles.”

“Vale, vale…”

“Y/n!” Rio yelled excitedly, gaining your attention. “Miles will help you with your bags.”

You waved your hands and shook your head frantically. “Oh, Mrs. Morales it’s okay! My dad can-“

“Oh don’t worry about him, I insist! Go, Miles.”

Miles sighs as silently as he can and then grabs all four of Y/n’s bags effortlessly, looking at her to lead the way to her room.

“Come back quickly!” Michael yelled, fixing his voice to make it sound deeper than it already was. “Put the bags down and that’s all.”

“Okay, dad. Chill.”

Y/n and Miles walk in silence, never speaking a word to each other although Y/n's stare spoke volumes.

They return to the lobby mostly silently after setting the bags down, with Y/n opening and closing her mouth a few times but never really managing to say anything but “do you like bread?” Which earned her a side eye from Miles.

When they got back, Jonny told them what the adults had decided.

“We’re going to Disney springs.”

Together with a few other hotel guests, the ten of them boarded the Disney shuttle bus and left.

When they got there, the adults made the decision to play a game of rock, paper, scissors to determine where they would all have dinner tonight. Nicole won and decided to let the kids choose.

Michael made an attempt to bribe them into choosing the T-Rex Café, but they all side eyed him and chose Planet Hollywood.

When they arrived, a makeshift red carpet led up to the entryway. Somewhere in the middle, one of the employees offered to take a group photo of them.

Miles took three pictures, two of them courtesy of his mother who insisted they were pictures he should be taking.

One as a group, one with his mother, himself, and Dillon, and one with Y/n.

Both were a little awkward. The former had Rio kissing Miles on the face and pinching Dillon's cheek in public, while the latter… was an interesting thing to talk about.

After taking a picture with his mother and cousin, Miles was about to walk away when Mom stopped him and said

“Y/n! Would you like to take a picture with Miles?”

Miles was so shocked that he couldn’t speak, and Y/n would have dropped her phone had it not been for Jacob's fast reflexes.

“O-oh, no Mrs. Morales, he doesn’t even want to take a picture and I myself am so of tired of pictures, you know, with the flash and everything.”

“Girl don’t play with me.” Linda spoke, inserting herself into their conversation. “You’re a model. You do this for a living. Just take a quick picture with Miles and we can go.”

“Baby she don’t need to take a picture with no boys.” Michael whined, turning his wife to face him.

“You know he’s a good kid, Mike. He’s Rio’s son.”

Y/n's parents continued to argue as she nervously walked over to Miles on the carpet while Rio and the photographer instructed them to smile.

Although Miles didn't smile, he calmly wrapped his arm around Y/n, who jumped at the touch and stared up at him in shock.

“Smile for me, ángel.” Miles spoke lowly enough for only Y/n to hear, meeting her eyes and smirking.

After taking the photo, the photographer gave it to Rio and instructed them to enter the restaurant. Miles walked away from Y/n without another word.

After that awkward fiasco, the group entered the restaurant and were immediately welcomed and seated. Y/n ultimately found herself seated next to Miles, and she could not stop worrying about whether or not her chewing would be too loud. But instead of thinking in her head like normal people, Y/n muttered under her breath, a lot like Deku from My Hero Academia (ifykyk).

Miles noticed and chuckled to himself.

A server took their order a little while later, and a short while after that, they left to look around at the movie props and film scripts around the restaurant.

Later that night, the adults left their kids some money and went on a hot air balloon ride. Since Miles already had money of his own, he gave Dillon the borrowed money and then walked away alone.

Well, at least he thought he was alone.

When he realized he wasn’t, he nearly backhanded the intruder, but they were quicker than he'd thought and caught his wrist.

“Um, okay. Wow. I definitely could’ve died.” Y/n spoke, dropping Miles’ wrist.

“My bad.” Miles spoke, looking her up and down. “Why didn’t you go with everyone else? They need someone to watch after them.”

“Trust me, they don’t. Salvador is very responsible.” She informed him. “Besides, how do you know I’m responsible enough to watch over them?”

Miles shrugged and moved away from Y/n to lean onto the only railing that separates them from the water. "I don't."

Y/n chuckled and then followed him, leaning against the same railing but facing Miles.

Miles gave her a stank face. “I actually came over here to remove myself from you…”

Y/n shrugs. “You intrigue me.”

“Yeah?” Y/n nods. “How so?”

“Well I don’t know.” Y/n shrugs, “In my experience, silent people are the most interesting.”

“Or the most deadly, depends on who you know.”

“Cmon, drop the hood nigga persona and let’s be besties for the rest of this trip.”

“Nah.”

“It’ll be fun!”

Miles rolls his eyes. “You are something else.”

“I know, you’ll get used to it eventually. Three months top.”

“You said for the rest of this trip.”

“Well obviously I lied.”

“She lied. Of course she did.” Miles spoke to himself. “We can’t just be civil and be quiet?”

“No, we have to be besties. It’s the only way or else I’ll cry and your mom will let my dad beat you up.”

“He can try, but I can fight.”

“Please!”

“No.”

“Please!”

“No.”

“Come onnnnn!!”

“No.”

“Miles!”

“Okay, mama. Okay. I’ll be your Bestie for the rest of the trip.”

“You won’t regret it! Okay, now let’s go have fun!”

Surprisingly, Miles let Y/n to lead him aimlessly around Disney Springs until they left. The following few days, he allowed her to continue dragging him around.

When it came time for everyone to return home, Y/n's family made the decision to take drop everyone else off at the airport (since the four of them actually lived in Florida and didn't need to leave the state).

This time, Y/n was the one insisting something. That something being walking them into the airport while Rio insisted that it was fine.

Y/n won, which meant her dad had also decided to walk them in just “to make sure Y/n won’t get lost.”

“So,” Y/n started, linking her pinky with Miles who surprisingly enough didn’t seem to have a problem with it, “How was it to be my Bestie for a week?”

Miles chuckled. “You’re not all that bad.”

“I’m not all that bad? Don’t you mean it was the best experience of your life and you can’t wait to see me again?”

“Nah, I ain’t say all that.”

“But you meant it. It’s okay to admit that I’m super funny and cool and pretty and you absolutely love me.”

Miles chuckled again, which was out of character for him.

Rio checked the time and spoke up

"Miles, dile adiós. Tenemos que irnos. Te esperaré allí.”

Miles nods and turns to face Y/n, but Rio quickly pushes him aside and embraces the girl.

“It was so nice to see you again, hermosa! We’ll have to keep better contact so we can see you and your family again, okay?”

“Okay, Mrs Morales! It was so nice to meet you in person and I really enjoyed your company this weekend. You’re so sweet!”

“No, you’re so sweet! Much love to you sweetie, we’ll plan something soon.” She kisses you on the cheek before pulling your father out of the way so you and Miles can have a moment.

“So,” Miles turns to you, but gets interrupted by you throwing your arms around him.

“I’m gonna miss you, bestie!”

Miles smiles down at her, finally wrapping his arms around her waist. “I’m gonna miss you too, mama.”

“See, I knew you loved me.”

Miles' eyesight travels from her lips to her eyes and back again. Naturally, Y/n can't keep quiet.

“You look like you want to kiss me.”

“Quiero besarte.”

“Do it, no balls.”

Miles chuckles before kissing Y/n twice on the lips and trying to lean in once again, but of course both of their parents broke up them up by clapping and raising their voices in protest.

Yet again, Y/n can’t keep quiet.

She looks up at Miles with hearts in her eyes. “…you taste like strawberries and rainbows.”

Miles rolls his eyes before pecking Y/n's lips once more, prompting yet another outburst from their parents.

"Cálmate, mami. Please!” Miles whined while Y/n shook her head at her father with wide eyes.

Y/n grinned as she pulled away from Miles and pulled her phone from her back pocket. “I don't have your number.

Miles took her phone and swiftly entered his number before handing it back to her and holding her hands in his, gently moving backward as he does so. "Let’s keep in touch, yeah?"

Y/n nods, saying bye to Miles as he pulls away and walks over to his mom, of course waving a goodbye to Y/n’s dad as well.

BONUS:

When he got home later and took his phone off of airplane mode, Miles felt his phone buzz in his pocket with a text from an unknown number who he could only assume was you..

Translations (may be inaccurate or in Spain Spanish btw, so please correct me if needed):

¿Querías que mintiera? - Did you want me to lie?

En realidad, mi nombre es Salvador. No Tito. - Actually, my name is Salvador. Not Tito.

¡Qué amoroso! - How sweet!

Sé amable y ayúdala con sus maletas - be kind and help her with her bags.

No necesita mi ayuda, mami. - She doesn’t need my help, mommy.

Vale, vale… - Okay, okay…

Miles, dile adiós. Tenemos que irnos. Te esperaré allí. - Miles, say goodbye. We have to go. I’ll wait for you over there.

Quiero besarte. - I want to kiss you.

Cálmate, mami - Calm down, mommy

#lovekaia #marvel #kaiaxmarvel #mcu #into the spider verse #black coded reader #across the spiderverse #miles morales x reader #spiderman #prowler miles #prowler miles x reader #earth 42 miles x reader #atsv x you #x black reader #fem reader

461 notes · View notes

staticscreenwriting · 9 hours ago

Text

I took the good times, I'll take the bad times II Joel Miller

Summary: Joel doesn't think he's deserving of love after all he did and all he went trough. Or maybe he's just scared. Either way he can't let himself fall for (Y/N). Now if only she'd stop sending him those damn postcards.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader (I always try not to describe the reader physically, if I missed something please let me know so I can change it and make this "applicable" to every reader. Thank you!)

A/N: This is my entry for the dear-uary challenge by @jolapeno . My prompt was "Character A keeps finding X and traces them back to Character B, who might be leaving them intentionally—or not." And I chose Postcards as my form of epistolary.

TW: This is mostly angsty fluff. There is some talk of self doubt and loss of a child but I think that should be it.

Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.

It all starts with a simple postcard tucked into the side pocket of his bag. Joel almost doesn’t realize it’s there, folded twice into a tiny square. It’s only when he’s looking for the list Maria gave him of all the things to look for on this run, that he grabs a hold of the card.

His gloves make it hard to unfold the small paper but it’s way too cold to take them off. Joel was never big on winter and snow, even before everything went to shit. He doesn’t like the way it lingers, the way it consumes you from the inside out. Now, an unforgiving cold is all he feels as a thick blanket of snow has settled upon Wyoming.

Bold bright letters scream out to him from the wrinkled paper “ Greetings from Tampa Florida. Wish you were here!”.

It’s one of those campy vintage ones where the letters are filled with drawings of landmarks and beaches. He remembers sending one just like this to his High School girlfriend when Dad took him and Tommy on a trip to Nashville when Joel was 16 maybe 17. It was a good trip, the last one they ever took together. Sometimes Joel wonders how his dad would deal with all of this. This new reality. This fucked up world. He always seemed so strong, so fearless. That man was unstoppable force and immovable object all at once. Every vulnerability Joel finds in himself, he’s sure was absent in his father. Maybe if he was a little more like his own dad he could’ve saved Sarah, could’ve spared Ellie the pain of living in this limbo of knowing and not knowing. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Joel moves closer to the fire, his only light source other than the stars. There’s writing on the back, blue ink on off-white paper. It’s not a handwriting he knows and for a second he wonders if the card has been there ever since he found the bag years ago, back in Boston. But he would know that, right? Would've found it by now. This must be new. This must be meant for him.

“ I know you hate the cold. I know it makes you sad and gloomy, well gloomier than usual. So let me tell you about the hottest day I ever experienced. I was a kid, maybe 7 or 8 and my mom took me to Florida. Not Tampa (it was the only postcard I could find at the library), but Orlando. We went to fucking Disney World!! We didn’t have a lot of money back then so mom must’ve saved a long time for this. Anyway, Joel, it was so hot. Unbearably hot. My clothes stuck to my skin and my hair got all frizzy. Maybe July wasn’t the best time to go. The air was so thick and heavy, so moist (ew). It felt like breathing in honey, syrup maybe. I still had the best time. I know it doesn’t take away the cold but I hope I can take you away to that hot and humid Florida summer for one small moment. If not, there’s a wool scarf at the bottom of your bag. Made it myself. You never told me what your favorite color is. I hope you like blue. xx

P.S.: I wonder what happened to Disney World.”

A chuckle falls from Joel’s lips and forms a cloud against the sharp winter air. He's never been to Disney World. The Millers just weren’t a Disney World kind of family. They were more of a local fair kind of family. All corn dogs and funnel cakes and first kisses behind the bumper cars. Sarah would’ve loved Disney World though. Ellie too. Ellie who doesn’t even know what the hell Disney is. 14 years and the girl has no idea who Mickey Mouse is. What a surreal thought. What a strange world. More than 20 years and it still feels strange. Joel wonders if life will ever let him settle in this new reality. If one day this feels like home and not a bad dream. Not a cosmic punishment. A bad joke that no one’s laughing at anymore.

His eyes travel back towards the blue swirly writing. It’s not Ellie’s bad chicken scratch, he could pick that out of a line-up any day. This looks much neater, more deliberate, and thoughtful.

“There’s a wool scarf at the bottom of your bag.”

Quiet, as not to wake up the others sleeping just a few steps away, Joel opens the zipper on his bag and rummages through it with a gloved hand. There’s a bunch of stuff in there, food rations, ammunition, a second pair of gloves. Going on supply runs is not something Joel enjoys but it is a way for him to give back. To Tommy and Maria and the entire community. Jackson and its people have taken him and Ellie in as one of their own without much hesitation. They provided them with food, with shelter, with trust. He has so little to give in return. Going on a supply run to look for medicine and other necessities, that’s the least he can do.

Something soft and squishy meets his hand and he pulls out a dark blue woolen scarf. There are so many holes and even in the dim light of the campfire, Joel can tell those holes are not there on purpose. Maybe it was Ellie after all, but then she never showed any interest in knitting, and the idea of her doing just that is far too ridiculous. No matter how imperfect it is though, Joel has to admit the scarf does make him feel warmer as he wraps it around his neck.

“Hey,” Adam, one of the other guys on the run, speaks up from beside Joel, “you can catch some sleep if you want. I can take over the watch.”

It’s a strange thing, how sometimes you don’t notice just how tired you are or how hungry you are until someone points it out to you. Until they offer to take it from you. Then it hits you like a brick to the face. A wave pulling you under.

Joel feels his eyelids grow heavy and nods at the younger man. "Thanks".

This mystery, it can wait until tomorrow. Until then he will bury his face in the warm soft wool of the scarf and think of that Florida sun. And though it most definitely is just his imagination, Joel could almost swear the night feels a little less cold.

His boots leave deep imprints in the white icy blanket as he makes his way past the Tipsy Bison and the community hall further towards his house. His home.

No place has really felt like home in years. Not since all of this started. Everything was temporary. 4 walls and a roof. He wonders if this place will ever start feeling like home? Will he ever get to a point where he doesn’t wait for the second shoe to drop? It all feels like he’s Charlie Brown and life is Lucy pulling the football away at the last second. And it always ends with him falling. He’s so tired of falling. So tired of getting back up.

Joel almost expects the house to be silent as he steps inside. Ellie is slowly making friends with the other teens living in the settlement and is spending more time at their houses than she is at home. He can’t blame her. If he was more like his father he’d find it in himself to start conversations with people, get to know them, forge connections, make friends. Of the Miller boys, Tommy is the one who inherited their dad’s social gene though, Joel only got the snarl and the crippling inability to talk about his feelings.

Laughter echoes through the house as Joel rounds the corner connecting the entryway to the living room. Ellie’s laughter, loud and bright and light. As if for a moment all the horrors and the pain and the trauma have been taken from her.

When he steps into the kitchen, Joel understands.

(Y/N) is standing by the counter, a smile on her face so soft and radiant it might just rival the sun. That joy she brings out in Ellie, it’s familiar to Joel because he feels it too whenever (Y/N) is around. Not always but sometimes. It’s a spark of warmth that starts in his chest and crawls up his spine. It settles in his lungs, his heart, his brain. Like a parasite. Like a virus. Like a wonderful dream. He doesn’t allow himself to feel it all the time but sometimes, sometimes he can’t deny himself this little bit of warmth.

Joel can’t even remember when exactly (Y/N) became a part of their life. It’s like one day she was there and refused to leave. And really that’s kind of how it went. She works at the library and the school, lives across the street from him and Ellie and for some reason, she’s taken pity on them. Joel isn’t sure if it's him or Ellie she pities. Maybe a mix of both. Either way, she brought over some soup one day and that’s the beginning and end of it all. She’s wormed her way into Ellie’s heart and by extension his too. Whether he likes to admit it or not. Doesn't hurt that she's so damn beautiful too.

“Joel, you’re back!”

Ellie pulls him in a tight hug. It’s something Joel still has to get used to. Ellie isn’t a particularly affectionate person. She’s definitely not a hugger. And neither is Joel — not anymore at least. So when they do hug, it’s still a little strange. Not bad strange just unfamiliar.

“Yeah, I’m back.

“How did it go?” (Y/N) asks and meets his eyes over Ellie’s head. A silent conversation happening between her and Joel. It’s that thing she does where she doesn’t need to say a single word but Joel can tell exactly what she’s thinking just by the look in her eyes. He sometimes wonders if this is a them thing.

“Did someone die” her eyes are saying. “Did someone get hurt?”

“Did you get hurt?”

He quickly shakes his head answering her unspoken questions. Not this time.

“Good. It went good.”

Maybe the relieved sigh he sees her let out is just his imagination. But Joel doesn’t think so. Joel thinks it's very real.

“Did you bring us something? “

He can’t help but smile at that. It feels good to smile. In a world that gives you grief and sorrow, you start to count the moments when it gives you a reason to smile. They are few and far between but the number has surely increased since Ellie stepped into his life — and since (Y/N) did.

“I brought food and medicine. Isn’t that enough? “

A determined “no” falls from both their lips in a chaotic harmony.

“Geez, you guys are demanding.”

“Well — did you bring us something?”

Joel just rolls his eyes and rummages through his bag for the goods.

“For you— “ he says and throws the old wrinkled comic book towards Ellie who regards it with that endless sense of wonder she does possess. It’s the kind of spark that flickers and dies once you grow old. Or maybe just his did. Maybe grief leaves no room for wonder.

Placing his bag on the ground, Joel moves into the kitchen and holds out his loot to (Y/N). Green background. White goats. Yellow bubble letters.

“Oooooh, you did get me something. Pet Sounds, nice!”

There’s a spark in her too. Dulled and dusted from time but it is there and it flickers and grows every time Joel brings her a vinyl record from his trips outside of the settlement. In a world with so little joy, music seems to be one of the few things that hasn’t changed. In the face of immeasurable pain, humans turn to music. They have done so for a long time and judging by the world as is, they always will.

“I hope it works still. Didn’t really have a record player to try it out.”

“I’ll try it out as soon as I get to the library. Feel free to come by and listen with me.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you, Joel. I hope you didn’t have to do anything stupid to get this.”

He didn’t. Not this time. He would’ve though. It scares him how willing he is to put himself in danger just to get her something that will put that radiant smile on her face. He’d walk to the end of the earth if he knew there was a record there she wanted. That thought scares the shit out of him. It’s bad enough he cares so deeply about Ellie, about Tommy. The more people you care about, the more you open yourself up to hurt. Losing either of them would tear him apart. Joel is not sure he can handle opening his heart to yet another person no matter how much his heart wants just that.

“ Nah. No issues.”

“Good.”

She just looks at him for a moment. All soft eyes and gentle smile. There must be something she sees in him, Joel thinks, something he doesn’t see. A version of himself that he isn’t, that he will never be. A version he once was, maybe. A version he so desperately wishes he could be. For her.

“Well,” (Y/N) says and snaps him out of her enchantment “Ellie and I made some stew. I know you must’ve been freezing outside, some good warm stew might help warm you up a little.”

“It smells great.”

“You have impeccable timing because we just got done. So, dig in. And uh — I guess I’ll see you guys at the movie screening?”

He doesn’t want her to leave. The devil and the angel on his shoulders are both screaming at him to ask her to stay. And if he was any stronger a man, any more like his own father and more deserving of good things, he would ask her. To stay for dinner. To stay forever.

But he isn’t. And he doesn’t ask. Just watches as she wraps a scarf around her neck and slips into the thick jacket that's a few sizes too big on her.

“I left the recipe by the fridge. Just in case you ever want to cook it yourself.”

“Thanks.”

And he really is grateful. For her. For everything.

“Oh Joel,” she says and stops in the doorway. “I like that scarf. Blue looks really good on you.”

And then she’s gone, swallowed by the cold winter air.

Joel hasn’t thought about his favorite color in forever. It’s something you stop thinking about once you start growing hair on your chest and fantasizing about girls in a way you haven’t before. Kids talk about their favorite colors all the time. Sarah did. It’s just once you grow old you lose that sense of self, define yourself through different things.

Looking at the scarf now, all holes and imperfections, there is no doubt in his mind that his favorite color is blue.

“Have you ever been to Paris?”

The lights are dimmed in the big community hall, the movie playing on screen providing the only source of light as the people of Jackson have gathered for another movie night.

A glimpse into a world that was but no longer is and never will be again. And for some of them, like Ellie, a world that never was to begin with.

Ellie is sitting in the front with some of the other teens, her friends, Joel supposes. She has friends now.

“Joel, have you?”

A soft hand rests on his arm, shaking him from his gloomy thoughts. (Y/N) sits next to him, eyes focused on the pictures dancing across the screen. Ilsa and Rick, falling in love over and over again in Paris. The beginning of a love story doomed from the start.

“I uh — no. Never.”

“Me neither. I would’ve loved to go though. It looks beautiful.”

He doesn’t know why or how it happens but the words just flow from his mouth like a waterfall. For the first time in a while, he finds himself wanting to talk more. About the past. About Sarah.

“My daughter, Sarah, went to Paris once. Some school exchange program. They don’t usually do it until later but her French class was above average and I guess they won some contest. I don’t know it was a long time ago.”

“Sounds like she was a smart cookie.”

"Oh, she was. Too smart for me, that’s for sure. Was hard letting her leave and fly to a whole different continent though. I was scared out of my mind until she was back home. Drove Tommy crazy for a whole damn week.”

(Y/N) turns her face away from the screen and regards him with that infinite sense of something more. Soft and endearing. If he was a different man he would call it love. He would see the way she looks at him and he would kiss her stupid and life would be all sweet dreams and gentle touches.

But he is the man he is. Not worthy of whatever she is willing to give.

“What’re looking at me like that for?”

“It’s just sweet how much you care. About everyone. I think you don’t even know you’re doing it half the time.”

“Do what?”

“Care for others. For Ellie and me and all of us. You’re a good man, Joel Miller. I just wish you’d let someone take care of you for a change.”

He doesn’t need to be taken care of. He can do it all on his own. And anyway, he is not as good of a man as she thinks he is. Good men don’t have the blood of their loved ones stuck to their hands. Good men don’t let their daughters die in their arms. Good men don’t kill. Good men don’t do all the things he did.

Joel doesn’t want to be a good man. He just wishes he was good enough a man to allow himself to be with (Y/N).

“I ain’t a good man. And I don’t need someone to take care of me.”

“You wore that scarf, did you not? You allowed me to take care of you then.”

That damn scarf. He had a hunch it was her. The handwriting on the postcard matched the one of the recipe stuck to his fridge an awful lot. But it’s something else entirely to hear her say it outright.

“That was you, huh? Had an awful lot of holes that thing.”

“Hey, I never said I was good at knitting. You wore it anyway.”

Joel turns back towards the screen as Rick and Ilsa share a loving kiss.

“Yeah, I wore it anyway.”

And to the sound of bombs and tanks, (Y/N) rests her head on his shoulder.

That’s what you do for the people you love. Even if you don’t allow yourself to love them.

You wear the scarf anyway.

The mailbox flag is up. Bright red against the sharp white of the winter's day.

It’s never been up. People around here don’t get mail. It’s but an ancient relic of a life they used to live. Remnants of a society long gone.

But Joel is nothing if not curious. So he stomps up to the mailbox, leaving deep imprints in the freshly fallen snow.

It’s another postcard. Only this time it doesn’t come with a mystery. This time it comes with that silly little feeling that makes his heart beat just a little faster. That makes his head swirl with stupid thoughts of stupid dreams.

“From Paris with love,” it says on the front. Fucking Paris, of course.

Sometimes the way he feels about her is infuriating, confusing, scary.

And sometimes, like right now, it feels like a ball of warmth settles in his ribcage and warms him from the inside out.

“Dear Joel,

We’ll never have Paris. Not in this life at least. And while I would’ve loved to see the Eiffel Tower sparkle with you and make you eat a croissant (which you would’ve pretended to hate but I think you would’ve enjoyed it secretly), I am glad to get this life with you at least. Or alongside you. Whatever it is we are, I am glad this life gave me that in between all the pain. Despite what you like to tell yourself, Joel Miller, you are a spark of fire, a light in the dark. You are more than the sum of your failures, you are more than your pain. All the good that is in you, that counts. That’s all that matters in the end. And there is so much good in you.

I wish you’d let yourself see it.

We will never have Paris. But we’ll always have Jackson and that is enough for me. I hope it’s enough for you.

Here’s looking at you kid! ;) “

There’s a tragedy in knowing someone else sees all your good parts and none of the bad. A tragedy in knowing how much they like those good parts and being awfully aware that seeing all the bad parts would destroy them.

A tragedy in still wanting to show them all of you, even the ugly soul-destroying parts.

But if she thinks he’s a good man, then Joel needs to be just that. A good man who keeps those ugly parts hidden and away from her. Even if that means denying himself the one thing he wants.

“What’s that?” Ellie speaks up from beside him, a curious look on her face.

“Postcard.”

“Like what people would send from vacations and stuff?”

“Yeah, how do you know about that?”

She rolls his eyes at him and it’s one of those moments where he feels like a dad again. Those little moments that mean the world to him because he gets to feel like the old him. The Joel he thought was long dead and buried beside the bones of his own child.

“I watch movies? I talk to people? I read books? Take your pick.”

“Wow, when did you become such a smartass, huh?”

She shrugs his shoulders at him “Was born that way. Nothing I can do about it.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Hey, you’ve grown to love me! You wouldn’t want me any other way.”

And she isn’t wrong. Ellie, with all her curiosity and her bravery and her lust for life, whatever that life may look like, is exactly what he needed. Which makes him wonder if saving her from the fireflies was ultimately more of a selfish act than that of a heroic savior.

“Who’s it from?”

“None of your business.”

“Oh, so (Y/N).”

His eyes flick up and he is met with that satisfied, mischievous grin that is so uniquely Ellie.

“What makes you think that?”

“You always change the subject when I bring her up. And that way you just jumped when I mentioned her? Yeah, you’re not slick, old man.”

“Hey! Who are you calling an old man?”

“You! Old and scared!”

“I’m not scared!”

Like hell he is. Terrified even. But there ain’t no way in hell he’ll admit that to Ellie. She’ll never let him hear the end of it.

“Then go talk to her! She likes you, you like her. Why do you have to make it so complicated?”

If only she knew all the ghosts swirling around inside of him threatening to break free. Things could be so easy. Only nothing ever is.

“Mind your own business, kid! Anyway, don't you have someplace to be? Think Dina came by earlier asking for you. You two are getting along well, huh?”

“Aaaand on that note. See you for dinner, old man!”

She’s gone before he can even hurl a reply at her. It pulls his lips into a smile. There’s no better way to get a teen to shut up than to bring up their crush. Nice to see that some things never change.

Another run. Another record.

Joel feels silly, standing here in front of her door with his heart beating fast and heavy as he clutches the vinyl record in his hand.

If Ellie saw him now, she’d surely make fun of him. Tommy too. Sarah even.

What happened, Joel? You used to be so brave. What makes you so afraid now?

Life, he thinks. Life has made him scared and bitter and sad.

“Did you wanna knock or — ?”

Joel turns around as the voice calls out to him. There it is again, that softness, that smile.

“Uh, yes.”

“Okay, good. Did you come to see me? Sorry, I was helping Maria at the farm.”

“Yeah no uh — don’t worry about it. I just came to drop this off”

Her eyes grow wide as she catches sight of which record it is he’s holding up.

“No way! The stranger! You found it.”

“ I did.”

He had to clear an old dilapidated bar full of clickers to get that record. Almost lost his damn arm in the process. But her smile, that god-damn, life-ruining, world-shattering, heart-beat-faster, smile of hers makes it all worth it. He would give both arms, all of him. He would give it all to see her smile.

“Do you wanna come in and listen to it with me? Got my player fixed so I don’t have to use the one at the library anymore.”

Say no. Just say no and go home. Be a good man! Be a better man!

But he’s not. For this one moment, he can’t be that man. He’s just as weak as the rest of them.

“Sure.”

This feels so — normal. So before everything. Different and twisted and warped. But normal.

It’s scary and comforting all at once. Like a tipsy dream when you know you’ll wake up with a headache for sure.

(Y/N) is twirling around her living room, a beer in hand and a smile on her face. Joel leans against the door connecting her living room and her kitchen and all he can do is stare. At this woman who means so much to him. Too much for him to ever put into words. If he even knew how to. He’s never been a poet.

“I said I love you, that's forever

And this I promise from the heart, mmm

I couldn't love you any better

I love you just the way you are, right”

“I love this song. Can you imagine someone loving you enough to write something like this about you?”

Yes, he thinks. If only he WAS a poet. He would write a hundred songs. A thousand. And all of them would talk of her smile and her eyes and the way there is no single thing about her he would change.

But words fail him. They always do.

So he just nods.

“Joel,” she says and moves closer. The bottle of beer now placed on her couch table, her hands find his chest. So warm. So soft. And all he does is stare.

“I know you got my postcards. I know you know how I feel. And sometimes I think you feel the same. I see the way you look at me. I know the dangers you put yourself in to get me those records. I just — you never say anything. So am I making a fool of myself here? Please tell me if I — “

“You’re not.”

Wow, so eloquent.

“I’m not?”

Her voice sounds so small. So unsure. He hates that he’s the one who put the uncertainty there. Be a better man, Joel! Be a good man for once!

But all he does is stare. Words fail him. Again. again. again.

“Then can I — can I do this?”

(Y/N)’s gaze falls to his lips then back up to his eyes. She is so close. He can feel her warm breath on his skin. Can smell the scent of her shampoo. Notices the tremble of her fingers as her hands rest on his chest.

And he wants to kiss her. Every version of him that ever was and ever will be wants to kiss her. But all he does is stare.

All he does is stare and pull away.

And it breaks his heart to see hers break in that moment.

“I uh — oh I’m sorry Joel.”

Tears gather in her eyes, fill them with sorrow, fill his heart with rage. He can’t do anything right, can he? Everyone he’s ever loved, he’s disappointed. But how can he let himself love her, how can he let her love him, when he is so broken? When all he does is break things? Taint them with this infinite sadness that lives and grows inside his bones?

“It’s not you.”

“Oh please, Joel. I made a fool of myself already. Don’t make it worse.”

“I ain’t trying to. It just ain’t you. It’s all me. It’s always been me”

His palms are sweaty and he feels like someone has reached into his ribcage, cracked every rib on the way to his heart, and ripped it out with bare hands. Snapping veins and arteries and all.

“I want you. I want this but I can’t have it. You think I’m a good man but the truth is, I am not. I do bad things all the time, over and over again and time and life have made me so numb to it. But you, you are so good. You deserve someone better. Someone whole.”

It’s like once he’s started it all comes flowing out like a fucking waterfall. All his fears and insecurities and pain. It’s all there for her to be disgusted by. Because god knows there is no way she won’t be. He is. All the time.

“I have not been the same since this all started. Since Sarah — since she died. I live with this immense grief. It surrounds me. It IS me. All of me. And I so desperately want to claw my way out of it. Rip it apart and leave it behind. But at the same time, I want to bury myself in it. Because what if I do leave it behind and I start to forget? Her and all that she was? How is it fair that I have to remember her far longer than I got to know her? So if I get better, if I become the man I need to be to be worthy of your love, am I still gonna be the man she knew? Can I still remember? Because that is all I have. And that is not a burden I can put on you. Not you and not Ellie.”

Joel takes a breath then another but it does little to calm him down.

“You two mean everything to me and I am sorry I am bad at showing it. That I can’t say it. I need you to know, it’s all me that’s the problem. It was never you. I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t wait for her to say anything. He doesn’t think he has the heart to hear a reply anyway. It’s like he just ripped himself open and spilled all his guts, his heart, his lungs, and all his inside out on her living room floor.

If he was any better of a man he’d pick them up and try to rearrange them.

But he is not a good man. Maybe he never was.

“There was something for you in the mailbox” Ellie exclaims and slumps down on the couch next to him. “I was this close to opening it but I didn’t want to make you even more grumpy than you already are.”

“I’m not grumpy”

He has to admit, the tone in which he said those words does not do much to counter her point. Ellie knows too, judging by the way she raises her eyebrow “Sure, you’re not.”

She drops a sunflower yellow envelope on his lap. ‘Joel’, it says in that swirly handwriting he’s become so familiar with.

It’s been a few weeks since he’s seen (Y/N). Since he spilled all his sorrows and worries to her and then ran. And, surprisingly, Jackson makes it very easy for someone to avoid another person if you only try hard enough.

Maybe Ellie has a point, maybe he has been exceptionally grumpy lately. No correlation to any recent events though. Absolutely zero.

“Sooo are you gonna open it?”

Ellie looks at him with curiosity and that little spark of mischief as if she knows something he doesn’t.

“Not with you watching over my shoulder, I ain’t.”

“Why?”

“Cause it’s none of your business.”

“Excuse me? I have to live with your grumpy ass because you guys can’t get your shit straight. I think it very much is my business.”

“Jesus, Ellie. Language!"

“Sorry,” she says and gives him that pseudo-sheepish look he’s grown familiar with. “You guys need to get your stuff straight.”

He used to scold her for it but really, he isn’t one to talk.

“Anywayyyyy, I’ll go stay at Dina’s tonight … just in case you decide to go over and apologize for whatever it is you did and you guys finally sort it out and need some privacy later.”

“Why do you think I did something?”

And there it is again that sassy eyebrow raise. The same one he’s seen on Sarah so many times before. It truly is a woman’s world and he’s but a fool living in it. And they let no opportunity pass to remind him of just that.

They are also absolutely right.

“My lawyer advised me not to answer that question. Anyway, be nice. Have fun. Byyyye”

Her voice trails off as she grabs her bag and rushes outside leaving Joel alone in this big empty house with nothing but his demons and this mysterious envelope.

Carefully he opens the seal and shakes out the contents. A postcard, a photo, and a — cassette tape?

His eyes find the photo first. It’s a polaroid of him and Ellie and (Y/N). All 3 of them smiling, yes even him. He remembers that day back last summer. It was one of those warm but not yet hot days. (Y/N) was wearing that agonizingly beautiful red sundress. The one that made his heart beat twice as fast. She brought over a whole basket full of cherries from the tree in her garden. A pie too. And that damn Polaroid camera.

Of course, Ellie was enamored by it, wasted almost the whole damn film.

“Come on Joel, let's take a picture together,” she had called out to him and pulled him to sit down next to her and (Y/N) on the blanket they had placed on the lawn.

“I’m not a picture guy,” he had grumbled, “ ain’t nobody want to see my old mug.”

“Oh shut up. Joel, you are so handsome, don’t even pretend like you don’t know that.”

It was the first time (Y/N) had ever called him handsome. It was hard for him to believe it then, hell it still is. But she has done it a lot more since then. Calls him handsome and gorgeous and pretty all the time. At first, he thought she was just humoring him but slowly but surely it dawned on him that she meant it. Means it still.

“We don’t know how many good sunny days we have left. Ain’t no shame in trying to remember this one, right?”

Her eyes held so much honesty then. Vulnerability too. And gratefulness for all they had then after all they had lost. It made him smile then and it makes him smile now.

The Postcard is next, big bold letters spell out TEXAS and in the corner, there’s a drawing of the Texas State Capitol in Austin.

When he turns the Postcard over, there it is again, that swirly writing he’s grown to love so much.

“Joel, the ‘Postcards from around the world’ book I got from the library didn’t have an Austin one but it did have a Texas one so that’ll have to do. I’m not even sure if you're going to read this. I hope you do because you didn't give me a chance to say my part when you stormed off & I think I deserve that.

You're not the man you were in Austin, you lived through the worst thing imaginable and it changed you. But you are not just your pain. It is part of you but it doesn't define you. I know you see all the bad but none of the good but believe me I see it! Ellie does! You are your pain but you are also the smile on Ellie's face when you bring her a new comic or teach her a song. You're the guitar chords echoing through the air on a warm spring afternoon. You are those fluttery feelings in my heart whenever you look at me.

Joel Miller, I understand if you don't want to be with me but if it's only because you don't think you're good enough then I think that's a choice I get to make. Taking that from me is a dick move.

You said you're bad at showing love but you're not. You showed me through all those records. Through all those songs. Now let me love you back.”

Joel can’t quite name the feeling spreading through him. It’s both foreign and familiar at the same time. Like an old friend. A hazy memory. Pictures blurred and dulled by time and age.

Maybe he was wrong, and he hates admitting that. Maybe he ain’t a good man but maybe that is hers to decide. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

He takes the cassette tape in his hand and squints his eyes at the tiny writing on the label. God, he really is getting old. Those eyes ain’t what they used to be.

God only knows - The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds

You’re my best friend - Queen - A Night at the Opera

Just Like Heaven - The Cure - Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me (you should!)

In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel - So

Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper - She’s so unusual

Your Song - Elton John - Elton John

Can’t Help Falling in Love - Elvis - Blue Hawaii

Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton - Slowhand

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs (!!!! LOVE SONGS!!!)

Just The Way You Are - Billy Joel - The Stranger

"You gave me all these records with all these songs and all these words to tell me you love me and I’m not sure you even knew.”

And she’s right. He got her those records because he knew they’d make her smile. Because that smile means everything to him whether he wants to admit it or not. He got those records to show her that even when he’s gone on a run, she’s always on his mind. He believed it to be a curse, a ghost haunting him for all his past mistakes and taunting him with what he shall never have.

But maybe it’s not a curse.

Maybe it’s a blessing. A sweet song to remind him that someone back home is waiting. A gentle reminder that life can and will go on and good things can come from immense tragedy. And moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, in fact, it means remembering. Remembering the bad and believing that there can and will be good and that it’s worth it to go on. Even if you are a different you. Not worse or better, just changed. And that you deserve love. And kindness. And warmth.

Joel drops the envelope and its contents on the table and grabs his thick winter jacket as he rushes outside. The cold feels only half as bad as it nips at his skin, he barely notices. There is a fire inside him now, burning away all the doubts and hesitation.

He’s back at her door, only this time he doesn’t wait to knock. He’s spent so much time denying himself the one thing he wants that he can’t lose just one second more. The rapping of his knuckles against her door echoes through the winter day. Oh, how he can’t wait for the spring and the summer and her in that gorgeous dress.

“Joel?”

Back before — everything, Joel remembers a movie night with Sarah. She got to choose and despite being an avid fan of trashy action and horror movies, that time she chose a romantic comedy. All things considered, Joel can admit that when Harry met Sally wasn’t the worst choice but he still would’ve preferred Star Wars or Terminator.

He does remember the ending though, the grand finale. He remembers Sarah trying to wipe away tears without him noticing. And he remembers Billy Crystal’s words “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Back then he thought it was some silly, cheesy movie speak. No one feels that way, right? It’s grandiose and kitschy for the sake of movie magic.

But no, he’s sure now, that one is true. Because it’s how he feels.

“I love you!”

That confession should come with ribbons and flowers and fireworks but it doesn’t. It comes with honesty and that is all that matters. It comes from the heart.

“Huh?”

“I got your postcard. The photo too and the tape. And I love you.”

“I know. Took you long enough to figure it out.”

“I’m sorry. I — I still believe that I am not a good man and that you deserve better. But it would be selfish to punish you for my own insecurities. I love you and I want to let you love me. If you still want to, that is.”

“Joel Miller?”

“Yeah?”

“Please just fucking kiss me.”

Joel remembers a lot of kisses in his lifetime. Some rushed, some clumsy. Quick kisses in secret. Long drawn-out smooches in smokey bars. Loving, fast, aggressive, and soft.

This one is different, as cheesy as it sounds.

This kiss makes him feel like all he’s ever been and all he ever will be can live in peace with one another. This kiss makes him feel like none of it matters as long as he has her.

She tastes like peppermint and sunshine and he’s sure he’ll never get enough of her. The feeling of her skin against his as he gently cradles her face in his hand. The soft movements on her chest as she breathes. The twitch of her lips as she smiles into the kiss.

For the first time in his life, Joel is sure that a kiss is more than a kiss. It’s a healing hand on a shattered heart. It’s a new path to a new future. It’s sunshine melting the ice from his bones.

It’s a promise to try every day and to be better and to be enough. ---

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