#hahahahaha what the fuck this fine

[chronicowboy]

the marker of my final piece this year has so spectacularly missed the point of my story that i want to fucking scream

[franeridan]

nah man I get hancock I really do if I had to pick a single man in the whole history of the world to fall for I'd pick luffy too, who are we kidding

[montanabohemian]

i just watched this video on youtube about a $12 million dollar house and while it was in fact stunning, the thing i couldn't get past was the fact that every single bedroom had their own washer and dryer. and i'm like, if i spend $12 million on an enormous house, i ain't doing laundry in my own fucking room. no way. there will be an entire room dedicated to that thank you very much. like what the fuck. you spent 11 years building this stunning chateau-like house and you give each bedroom that?! i don't know man, rich people are weird.

still want the house tho. hahahahaha. where's my rich sugar daddy when i need him.

[prodkeiji]

and i thought neo was gna be a good person 😂😂 and then she gets consumed by that FUCKING cat 😂😂😂 is she and [redacted] dead now 😂😂😂😂

[alexibeeart]

okay i actually now have to spend all my energy into being normal at work for the next 4 hours because i will have a full on meltdown otherwise i am literally shaking at my desk okay okay okay! god speed to us all! I've only watched the trailer once because i cannot handle any more right now x

[esoclectic]

things plato would love about US democracy:

not an actual democracy

controlled by the rich

things plato would hate about US democracy:

the rich are idiots

people are allowed to be loudly wrong all the time

it grants ppl a(n albeit ineffectual) voice and lets them (at least believe they) have the right to make decisions abt the state/their lives/etc

[alienpossession]

Family Mission: The Backyard

"If you know what's best for you, you'll stay there and listen to me carefully. Again, you did not see me get inside his body so this might look like a silly air gun but I can promise you that you'l regret making any single move,"

Fearing for my life, I obviously followed my stepfather order, or whatever creature that reign over my stepfather's body. After all, the way my big bro just suddenly lose his consciousness mid-way playing game after my stepfather pointed and then shot the invisible air gun to him is enough to convince me that he's not playing around.

"Okay, now, since you've been seated comfortably, let me explain to you. I crash landed on your backyard earlier this morning and your father was making the whole thing difficult for me as he somehow spotted and snapped the pictures of me and my kind and even made some call to Washington DC, so we are compromised as we know it. Luckily, because he photographed us, we became aware of his.....awareness, if that's the word, and I decided to pay him a visit. He's physically here, but everything about him is.....me now. I'm in charge of his body and my fella is also in charge of your older brother. He's processing the whole thing now, hence the lost of consciousness, but he'll be fine....fine as in fine like me. Now, I know and your older brother know about your little alien wet dream sequence you wrote in your diary that you stupidly left in the study room for everyone to see. Your father, stepfather is obviously embarassed. Me on the other hand, well, I love all the fucked up sequences you came out with based on the memory reading I did, so here's what I offered you, collaborate with me to harbor my kind from the incoming investigator and you can live your dream with us, or you can try to run and I will definitely stuff someone from my kind inside of you. Up to you,"

"I....I will help you.....daddy,"

"Okay, stop. Don't be weird. You called me sir usually, so stick with that. And please, a boner? Are you kidding me?"

"Uhh...ohhh...okay sir. Sorry for making you uncomfortable,"

"Okay then, son, let's wake your brother up and clean up the mess in the backyard. Then, what do you think if we workout to the gym nearby?"

"Sounds like a solid plan....sir,"

As the three of them walked to the backyard to start cleaning the scene and take out the remaining aliens from the spaceship, the father said

"By the way, we also held 5 prisoners within our ship. They're criminals, the infected ones from our kind, maybe we can just expose them to the investigator, planting their dead form inside the spaceship? After all, not like our kind just visited Earth for the first time so our data probably already exist in your government's database,"

"Your lead, sir. You know what's best,"

"See, Griffin, be like your brother. More obedient and has more excitement about extraterrestrial life. If only you are like him, you'll not be braindead and taken over by now,"

"Stop making the nerd hard, dad,"

"Hahahahaha, I love the chemical reaction from this whole dynamic. The surge of anger and disgust that I instantly repressed and turned into excitement upon seeing him getting a boner when I talked like his dad but then twisted it into the most unhinged shit no normal human would ever say.....yeah, you should try it sometimes, Grif,"

With his cheek flushed in embarassment, Jerry meekly walk besides his possessed brother all the while looking at his father muscular back and ass that look just so perfect this morning. Maybe the alien inside make him look at his dad with different shades, but well, it's a welcomed change

[chaotic-orphan]

Heyyyy I was wondering if maybe you'd consider writing about a Hero that gets so depressed they start getting reckless in their fights, maybe going so far as to try and do themselves in. And can Villain or someone save them? Please? I feel a bit like Hero right now and I could use a Villain haha haha hahahahaha

Bestie this is why I write so many suicidal heroes getting saved by villains… I think we all relate to those Heroes sometimes, and y’know what? Most of the time, you have to be your own villain💛 but I’m writing this Villain to save you Nonny, don’t self destruct please, and do something nice for yourself x

*~*~*~*~*

“Hero! You’re here!” The Fire deputy said.

“Yep,” Hero said through clenched teeth, blood dripping down the side of their head from their previous altercation with Muscle Villain who was enjoying the luxurious experience of the back of a police car right about now.

“Flame hero is already in there, rescuing civilians but you’re—”

Hero nodded. “I’ll see if I can help.”

The Fire deputy protested but Hero was already in the burning building, their arm over their mouth and nose to lower the effect of smoke inhalation. Not that Hero was sure it mattered or not. They weren’t exactly trained for search and rescue in fires, but they could do it. They could help.

They heard crying from upstairs and they glanced up, the smoke singed their eyes and they let out a hiss as the heat licked at them from the flames. Wood crackled all around them as Hero went to the stairs. They grabbed the railing and cursed as their hand sizzled against the heat.

Fuck! Fuck! That hurt— shit…

“Hero?!” Hero glanced up to see Flame Hero, concerned eyes behind their signature goggles. Probably for the eyes. Hero should have gotten some before they charged in. “WHAT ARE YOU—”

Before Flame Hero could scream more a support beam crackled and groaned and fell, shaking the building. Hero had to jump out of the way as the a square of the second floor disintegrated and debris and dust descended, going up in a puff of smoke and catching Hero’s lungs. Hero coughed, their throat burning as they wheezed out the smoke.

“Hero!” Flame Hero cried through their mask. Probably filtered smoke from their lungs. “Are you okay?”

Hero blinked in the heat. The support beam had swung down between Hero and the stairs. “Yeah!” They screamed back. “I’m fine! I’ll look for survivors down here.”

Hero didn’t wait for a response. They started to get lightheaded, but they were lightheaded after their fight with Muscle Villain too, so they could take a little bit of smoke damage, right? How many minutes did people usually have before their lungs gave up? A few minutes? Under ten? They could do this. They’ve only been in here two minutes.

They turned the corner and the flames roared as a pipe exploded and Hero was thrown backwards and out the window of the ground floor out into the street. Their back hit the brickwork of the alley, stealing the last remnants of oxygen from Hero’s chest with a thud an a strangled oomph.

They were pretty sure they blacked out a moment on impact, because next thing they knew they were on the ground, on their stomach gasping and coughing as fresh air assaulted their senses.

Fuck… they really were lightheaded. But… they would be fine. They’re always fine. Hero got onto all fours and groaned as they pushed their legs out so their feet were stretched behind them in a plank. They pushed themselves up and got halfway before stumbling into the wall, grabbing it clumsily and falling again, scraping their side against it.

“Fuck…” they whispered, letting out laboured breaths. Their back was aching and did not appreciate Hero putting all their weight on their arms. Hero gasped as they felt something sharp pierce the skin of their palm and yanked their hand up to see a shard of glass. They glanced around and the alleyway was littered with broken pieces of glass that glittered like stars in the moonlight, reflecting Hero’s face back up at them.

Their knee also reflected Hero’s face and they hissed as they grabbed that big shard and yanked it out. They grabbed their roll of meditape that they used for just about everything and wrapped it around the knee to stop the bleeding. For now… at least. Then they tried to get up again.

Forgetting about the shard in their palm Hero let out a pained grunt as they felt the glass dig further into their skin on the ground and they threw their head back to stare at the black, velvet sky, tears pinpricking their eyes.

“Hero?!” Flame Hero demanded. Then there was the sound of footsteps and crunching glass and hands on their upper arms dragging Hero to a standing. Flame Hero looked angry. “What the fuck were you doing in there?! Huh?”

“I…” Hero began then descended into bouts of coughing.

“You could have died! You don’t even have a mask or goggles or anything! You could still die from the short amount of smoke inhal—” Flame Hero looked down at Hero’s hand. “Christ Hero! Your hand!”

Hero blinked, dazed. “M’fine.”

“You’re not fine!” Flame Hero hissed. “Look at me you thick skulled idiot, you are not fine! You are going to the hospital.”

Hero shook their head and pushed Flame Hero away with their glass-less palm. “No hospital.”

“Hero, you’re not really in a position to be arguing right now,” Flame Hero hissed. Hero batted Flame Hero’s outstretched hands away.

“Here,” Hero mumbled and grabbed the glass shard.

“Hero! No, don’t pull—“”

“Agh! Fuck!” Hero cried.

“I told you not to touch it!”

Hero pressed the flat of the glass into Flame Hero’s glove. “Did you save all the civilians?”

Flame Hero’s eyes hardened. “Yes.”

“Then nothing to worry about. Leave me be. Help the fire department,” Hero said and started to walk in the opposite direction of the fire department and trucks and paramedics.

“Hero!” Flame Hero looked back at the burning building and then down at the reckless hero’s retreating back. “Hero! Just… don’t do anything stupid!”

Hero waved them away but didn’t answer, limping down the alley until they got down the hill to Flood Street. Fuck… they were tired. When they got out onto the street they got out of Flame Hero’s sightline and pressed their back against the wall, then their head, closing their eyes.

Just for a minute… they just… they just needed a—

Their radio crackled to life. “Supervillain has appeared at the Industrial state by the port!” Hero’s eyes shot open. “We need every available hero to support—”

And then they were running again.

They were exhausted and their back was screaming at them as they pumped their arms to gain momentum. The port was only a short distance from them. Maybe if Hero got there first, they could—

Their vision tunnelled to a slit and the world swayed and Hero blinked and then they were on the ground.

What?… A warm nausea shot from their stomach through their throat like a bullet and Hero barely had time to turn and hurl the contents of their stomach out on the pavement.

Halfway through Hero had a brief respite from heaving, leaning back on their hands and moaning before the warmth returned with a vengeance and Hero was gagging and spewing again. They retched and coughed, saliva black and grey from the fire and when Hero wiped their mouth black soot stained their hand.

Fuck… they thought as they pushed themselves up, one hand grabbing the nearest wall and yanked themselves off their feet. They stumbled again but the wall caught them and Hero sighed as they felt strong hands hold them up.

“Thanks…” Hero mumbled, dizzy with exhaustion, their vision hazy.

“Anytime, Darling.”

Hero froze. They turned their head to see familiar blue eyes staring down at them and Hero lurched forwards. Fingers fisted through their hair and dragged themselves off back into a street out of sight from the main road and down again, turning a corner while Hero hissed and grunted at the pressure on their head.

When they rounded the second corner so they were parallel to the street with a building blocking the view, Villain slammed Hero against the wall and pressed their forearm against Hero’s throat when they tried to push away from the wall.

“Villain,” Hero said, voice scratchy from the vomit. Or the fire. Or being choked by muscle villain. Or all of the above. Their larynx was exhausted. So were they, but they had to keep moving. Keep going. “Come to kick me when I’m down?”

“Not at all, love, I can kick you down when you’re up just as easily,” Villain smirked. But it wasn’t his usual smirk. Hero swallowed hard but their throat burned and they grimaced after. There was something terrifying behind Villain’s beautiful face. Something lethal and dangerous and cold. Something Hero had never seen hidden behind his expression before.

Villain wasn’t fucking around.

This wasn’t a social visit then.

Hero gulped again at the long silence. “Hey… hey, Vil, I kind of have somewhere to be… if we could wrap this up quick then—“”

Villain’s eyes flashed dangerously. His smirk widened. “Oh I know, Hero. You do have somewhere to be. In a hospital, or your own bed at the very least.”

Hero scoffed. “What’re you, my mom?” They pushed against Villain’s arm on their neck, but Villain leaned all his weight forward on it until Hero was pressed flush against the wall, head angled to try and keep breath flowing through their body. “Vi—Villain.”

“Yes, Hero?”

“Can you…” a wheeze cracked the sentence and caught in Hero’s throat as they coughed, strangled by Villain’s arm.

“Can I bring you home and make sure you can’t get out of bed until you’re rested? Yes, Hero. Of course. So good of you to ask.”

“Mmph,” Hero protested, eyes wide as they grabbed Villain’s wrist and elbow and tried to shove him off. Villain, in reply, grabbed Hero by their jacket and threw them further into the alleyway. Hero tumbled, head going over heels until they landed on their back and groaned.

“Or we can go until you pass out, Hero, and then you’ll regret that I put you on bedrest. You’ll find I can be quite persuasive.”

“What’re you doing?” Hero demanded hotly, struggling to sit up. The world swam in their vision and they repressed a groan. “I need to—”

“Fight Supervillain? In this state? Where were you before this? You look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“What, were you cleaning chimneys? Fall off the roof?” Villain demanded, pointing to the dried blood pooling from Hero’s hairline. “I just found you throwing up like a drunk in the side of the street.”

“Whatever,” Hero grumbled. “You don’t know anything,” Hero said, getting to their unsteady feet and wiping their face with their sleeve. Their gaze hardened, filled with resolve. “I’m going to fight Supervillain. Even if I have to go through you to do it.”

Villain let out a barking laughter that went straight through Hero’s hazy head, piercing their ears uncomfortably. “You’ll go through me? Darling, please, gravity is proving to be too strong an opponent for you in this state.”

“Shut up.”

“No, Hero.” Villain said, a storm flashed across his expression and it scared Hero. “I have to take matters into my own hands now, don’t I?”

Hero gulped but didn’t risk a step forward. They weren’t entirely certain that they would stay standing if they stepped towards Villain, or away from Villain. They were stable standing in place, no risk of falling like this.

“I am a person perfectly capable of making my own decisions thank you very much! I don’t need you to coddle me or—”

Villain was in front of Hero in a second a hand on their throat and then they were slammed against a wall again. Hero’s breath ripped from their lungs as they gasped on the smack of their back against the brickwork.

“I am either bringing you home to get some much needed bedrest, or I am checking you into a psych ward Hero, because I don’t trust you not to hurt yourself in this state.”

Hero let out a scalding laughter. “Hurt myself?!” They demanded, hot tears welling up on their lower lid and blinding them as they started to fall. “You’re hurting me, Villain!”

“Violence is the only thing that gets through to you, Hero, for fuck’s sake!” Villain roared. Hero shrunk back, but Villain followed them, their face an inch or two from Hero’s but his eyes burning with a terrible helplessness. “You can barely fucking stand without assistance and you’re mad at me for stopping you from fighting Supervillain?! Of all people! She’d kill you with a snap of her fingers!”

“GOOD!” Hero screamed back, their voice high, and pitchy and desperate. “At least then my life could MEAN something! At least then I’d have died for a good cause! And be remembered as a Hero! At least then SOMEONE WOULD CARE!”

Maybe it was a trick of Villain’s gaze in the moonlight, but for a second it looked like Villain’s eyes were filled with tears. It was a brief flash, before Villain’s head darted close to Hero and something soft was on Hero’s lips.

Hero flinched.

Then melted.

Oh… villain… was Villain…

Hero kissed them back with a ferocity that they didn’t know they possessed. Something hot and wet hit Hero’s cheek and they didn’t know if it was their tears or Villain’s, but they didn’t care.

Villain was just as fearsome in kissing as he was in battle. He pressed his body against Hero’s, pinning them against the wall, their free hand going to Hero’s cheek and holding their chin up so Hero couldn’t pull away even if they wanted.

And they didn’t want to.

Their hands in turn went to Villain’s hair, his beautiful hair and around his neck and tried to pull him impossibly closer.

And all too soon, Villain pulled away, resting his forehead against Hero’s. Their breath mixing with the cold of the night, and Hero was dizzy for a different reason now. They don’t know how long they stayed like that, their chests rising and falling erratically until they calmed down again.

Then, in the cover of the night air in this back alley, Villain whispered: “you mean something to me,” and Hero stiffened. Fresh tears formed and flooded down their cheeks. “You mean the world to me, Hero. And I would let the world burn just to see you smile… to warm you up when you’re cold. I’d lock you up in a cage if it meant you’d never leave my side again.”

Villain’s hand tightened on Hero’s chin and tilted their head up to meet Villain’s burning gaze.

“I care about you, Hero. I have always cared. And I won’t just sit back and watch you destroy yourself like this, do you understand?”

Villain leaned down and kissed Hero again. A small, sweet peck of the lips. “I won’t let you go. So you’re coming home with me, whether you like it or not.”

Hero sniffled in the air. Something too big and too much to put into words unwound from Hero’s chest and all tension left their body at Villain’s words. A warmth they hadn’t felt in a while pumped from their heart out and around their body and they relented.

It would be so nice to have someone take care of them for once.

“Okay,” they whispered, because it was too great a thing to admit louder. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Villain said and scooped Hero up in their arms like a baby. Hero blushed.

“That’s not necess—”

“It’s okay, darling. You can admit I made your knees weak. That kiss was…”

Hero hit their chest while they cuddled into Villain’s shoulder, using it as a pillow. “You’re such an asshole.”

“I know.”

But they didn’t mean it, and Villain and Hero both knew it. “I know. But the world won’t fall apart without you for a long needed break, Hero.”

Hero swallowed the lump in their throat, they were even too tired to feel the guilt at not fighting anymore, of letting themselves be saved.

Maybe Villain was right…

Maybe… this one time… they could let themselves be saved instead of saving someone else. Hold on a little longer so they would be able to save more people in the future.

They couldn’t be selfish and end their life in a blaze of glory… all the lives they could save if they just took a break, rested for a… a little while. Until they were better again.

Hero’s eyes grew heavy as Villain walked. The rhythmic tapping of Villain’s feet against the pavement a lullaby and for the first time in weeks, Hero slept peacefully.

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

*rubbing my hands with mischief* guess who found an incorrect quotes generator

So here is a compilation of incorrect quotes from the Astyanax lives/daddy Odysseus AU

Odysseus: Once Astyanax thanked me and I couldn’t decide between “No problem!” and “No worries!” so I yelled “No worms!” to them as they walked away.

--

Astyanax, smol, facing a threat: I am in charge of this disaster!

Odysseus: I have a name, you know.

Astyanax, smol, a little shit: Polyphemus knows

Odysseus: ...

The threat: HAHAHAHAHA

--

Astyanax: Hey Odysseus, can I get some ice-cream?

Odysseus: Only a spoonful!

Astyanax: *Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.*

Odysseus: ...

Odysseus, tearing up: that's my boy

--

Astyanax, looking at Odysseus: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

Odysseus: I hEaR tHaT

--

Astyanax when he's told about the whole horse thing, looking at Odysseus: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

--

Astyanax, at Odysseus: Of course you have blood all over you, and pronouns.

Odysseus: I use he/him pronouns...?

Astyanax: FOR THE LAST TIME, EVERYONE HAS PRONOUNS...

--

Astyanax: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!

Astyanax, earlier while Odysseus was messing up (again): I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

--

Astyanax "I was raised by Odysseus what did you expect" of Troy: I don’t know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes. That barrel? Not clothes. That middle-aged man who invaded Troy? Not clothes.

--

Astyanax: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?

Odysseus: Fake?

Astyanax: ...

--

Odysseus: We'll talk about this later.

Astyanax: Fine, I won’t be listening.

--

Odysseus: I will beat all of you in Rock, Paper, Scissors. You go first.

Astyanax: Rock.

Odysseus: Paper.

Astyanax: ...

Odysseus: First rule, never trust anybody

--

Astyanax: I am going to need you to swear-

Odysseus: Fuck.

Astyanax:

Astyanax: ...swear as in promise.

--

Astyanax: Don't have a bookmark? Try ketchup instead!!

Odysseus: What makes you think I read?

Astyanax: ...right, my mistake, that explains a lot of things.

Odysseus: now I'm offended

Astyanax: like the time I was offended by a wooden horse?

Odysseus: ...

--

Odysseus: So, I've been thinking Astyanax-

Astyanax, young but tired of this bs: That's dangerous.

--

Odysseus: Damn, the power went out.

Astyanax: Don’t worry, I got this.

Astyanax: *stomps foot*

Odysseus: What-?

Astyanax: *Sketchers light up*

--

Odysseus: Hoodie pockets are so great. I can fit like three sandwiches and a grenade in there and my hands are still warm.

Astyanax, looking at the sea: I wish Poseidon would take me now

--

Odysseus: The joy of hanging out with Astyanax. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and he bites the tip of a marker off.

--

Odysseus: I should have left you on that street corner where you were standing

Astyanax: bUt YoU dIdN't

--

Astyanax: Odysseus, when’s your birthday?

Odysseus "I'm still thinking about the infant from that night" of Ithaca: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Astyanax: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

Have some Odysseus and Hermes, as a treat:

Odysseus: Hi, I'm Hermes's emergency contact.

Counter Woman: You're here to pick him up?

Odysseus: I'm here to remove myself as his emergency contact.

[miyaheestar]

live reaction to the pack wedding audio

KISS SJSGJS DAVID KISS HAIII HAI DAVID 🥺🥺🥺

"i just want a little time with you today, before everything goes crazy" MSHSMHDMSHSM IM GONNA GO INSANE

IM GOING INSANE IM IM GOING IM INSANE IM ACTUALLY DGINGSJSYSISGSKGAJA

"how are you feeling?" NOT GOOD MY BODY TEMPERATURE IS HIGH IM GOING INSANE FYM YOU TOO

"WE MADE IT" WHAT IF I DONT MADE IT WHAF IF I CRY WHAT IF YOU DIE DO NAWT SAY YOU LOVE ME I WILL CRY DAVID SHAW I WILL ACTUALLY CRY SO HARD

"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY"HE SOUNDS SO FUCKING HAPPY AND SOFT IM ACTUALLY CRYING IM NOT NAWT OKAY IM NOT PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME PLS

"beautiful" i haven't showered and i didn't sleep and it's 7 am in the morning are you blind

"you are. especially first thing in the morning. still all sleepy and cuddly and relaxed. im the luckiest man in the world to get to see it everyday.. for the rest of my life" do you want me to die?

MGSMSGSMSHSM I WANNA CRY SEND HELP SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOSBSOSBSOSBSOSJSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOWIS

pls i will actually cry

"you fucking menace" IM YOUR MENACE HAH

KISS

ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHWR ASHWR ASHERA AHEEDHA ASHER AHSER ASHW AAGE

oh he eepy baby 🥺

good morning asher 🥺

"oh my god it's actually today holy shit it's actually happening" HE'S LIKE ME FOR REAL FOR REAL

"when did you wake up" you think i sleep?

WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH SEXY?? AYO I KNOW I AM SEXY

"IM GONNA BE YOUR HUSBAND" WHAT IF I CRY WHAT IF I CRY WHA IF I ACTUALLY LOSE IT THEN WHST IF I DIE WHAT IF YOU DIE OH GOD DON'T DIE ASHER PLEASE

IM TEARING UP DONT DO THIS TO ME

ASHER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHY YOU'RE NOT REAL

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE" I SAID IT FIRST SO THAT MEANS I LOVE YOU MORE

DAMN RIGHT ASHER DAMN RIGHTTTTT

"about the person who matters to me more than anything else in the whole damn world" STOP STOP THIS OFFICER OFFICER A WEREWOLF TRYNNA SEDUCE ME HE TRYNNA SEDUCE ME SIR I WILL DIE SIR IM BEING SEDUCED

okay scene change

SAM AND ASHER AUGSUAGUAGUAGUAGAUFAUAGAHHUFAHHHH

"mate pairs shouldn't see each other in the morning" DAMN RIGHT SO TRUE HEWL YEAHHH

MILOOOOOO MY BIG.. um SMALL BIG BOY

"grouchy grandpa" HELPPPP "now don't you start." HELLAGSISGSKSG HAHAHAHAHA

"oh my mistake" YOU'RE SO SASSY

... ITS JUST SILENCE HELPP IM CRYING

ERIK PLEASE HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO 😭😭😭

ERIK BODOH LAH KAU NI 😭😭😭😭

HELP PLEASE ENOUGH SILENCE PLS THIS IS WAY TOO FUNNY I'LL THROW UP

IM CRYING

STOP THIS

IT'S TOO LONG STOP THE SILENCE ERIK I WILL EAT YOUR HAIR AND YOU'LL BE BALD

ERIK

LMAO MILO NOT THE WARNING

CHRISSY

"are you trying to look like you got married in wind tunnel" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HELPPP MILO PLEASE

"im fine.. i-im not" ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO

aww grandpa sam 🥺🥺🥺

AWWW DAVID HELPING ASHER

"david, can i ask you something?"

STOP STIP SRSOSO STIP SFOP STOP BITCH STOP I WIWLL CRY

"well i did" DO YOU WABT ME TO KILL EVERYONE THEN MYSELF

im not okag im not ojay im not okay I AM NOT OKAY

i cant do this I'll actually pass out

i cant

im hypervinelantagwtbf

"my dad-" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP DAVID SHAW SHUT UP

"i picked you because you're the one person i trust more than anyone else. you made me feel safe." I WILL ACTUALLY LOSE IT

I WILL LOSE IT

I WILL NO

I WIGSKSGWK

I AM GONNA CRY

"i was a decent alpha but i wasn't a very good friend" so you want me to kill myself

i am genuinely gonna cry

THEY'RE HUGGING IM GONNA CRYYYYYYY IN GONANNAHSGSISFWKSFISV IM NOT OKAY

"ash euw" I LOVE THAT

MILO DO NAWT HURT MA MAN I WILL EAT YOUR REMAINING HEIGHT

MILO SPEECH

"how much does it pay" BOSGSISGSJGAHAGAGAGAGAHAHAGAHA STAPH

what if i jump

i will jump

i won't

i will

i wont

I WILL SOB I WILL WIBSUSVWKSGSJ STOPAHSGSOGSOSGS

IM GETTING MARRIED YALL

IM IM IM IM

IM GONNA GET MARRIED

it sounds like asher and david getting married LMAO

"um" classic opening

asher if you cry YOU BETTER BE CRYING okay he's gonna cry

what if asher dies after his vows

I WILL BE A WIDOW OH GOD

"i love you" IM GONNA KILL MYSELF AND EAT ERIK'S HAIR

so it's just silence and giggles for babe's speech

got it

it's okay i love asher's giggles

"angel" I WILL JUMP BRO

I WILL

I WILL

I WONT IM SCARED OF HEIGHTS

david please cry

PLEASE CRY

GO FULL ON SOBBING

why guy is not angel's brother

HE'S CRYING YALL CHEERS

CHEERS

and he's laughing too

BUT HE'S CRYING YEAYYYYY

LMAO MILO HAHAHAHAGAHA PLEASEEEE

IT SOUNDS LIKE ASHER AND DAVID KISSING WOAH

... I NEED MORE

ERIK ERIK ERIKSON

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Hell Pride University AU: Charlie & Vaggie

Charlie and Vaggie are sitting out on the rugby field on campus. The "stars" are out for once as they just sit on a blanket on the grass. Vaggie pulls a half empty pack of cigarettes out of her leather jacket and lights one up.

Charlie: (nose wrinkles) You know those will kill you, right?

Vaggie: I don't remember asking the future Theater, Counselor, Vocalist, and Dance Technician for a diagnosis. (Takes a long drag that siphons half of the cigarette before blowing five rings in quick succession)

Charlie: (blushes at the sight of Vaggie's lips making a perfect O) You'd be able to run better during your training and rugby matches.

Vaggie: Again. Don't remember asking. (Takes another puff) You didn't have to come with me out here.

Charlie: N-No. I didn't, but I wanted to. Believe it or not, I do like hanging out with you. (Waves her hand in front of her face as a whisper of smoke floats her way) Even if you so smoke like a chimney.

Vaggie: Hmm.... (continues staring at the sky as she lays on her back)

Charlie: (sighs and pulls her knees up to her chest) I just.... wish you'd take better care of yourself.... You're really the first real friend I've had.... I don't want you to.....

Vaggie: (plays with the cigarette between her teeth with her tongue and glances at Charlie, the kicked puppy look causes a twist in her chest and she sighs) Alright. One sec. (Takes a deep hit and exhales a billow of smokel)

Charlie: What?

Vaggie: (snuffs out cigarette on her tongue, a flash of the steel stud in her tongue glints slightly in the far off glow of the parking lot lamps)

Charlie: (mentally) Holy fuck she has her tongue pierced! (out loud) Vaggie, what the fuck?! You're burning yourself!

Vaggie: (tucks the cigarette butt into her empty soda can) It's fine. I can't taste anything anyway.

Charlie: Not.... what I was getting at....

Vaggie: (hands the pack of cigarettes over to Charlie) Here.

Charlie: Vaggie, you know I don't smoke.

Vaggie: No. I know that. I'm giving these to you to hold onto for me. Quiting cold turkey sucks, so I'm giving these to you so I can only smoke when you're around and only when I'm at the end of my rope. Once the pack is gone, it's gone.

Charlie: (in awe as she takes the half empty pack) Really?

Vaggie: (blushing) Don't look too into it. It's not that deep.

Charlie: (sniffling and tearing up) Yes, it is! Gimme a hug, bestie!

Vaggie: (gets tackled back onto the blanket) Agh! Dammit! Charlie! Get off! Hahahahaha!

[mrs-barnes-rogers-writes]

Our Lost Girl, Our Babydoll - Part 2

Marvel AU

Pairing: Alpha Steve Rogers x Omega Reader x Alpha Bucky Barnes

Theme: A/B/O

Summary: A bookshop and a spilled coffee leads you to Clint. He leads you to Natasha, and you lead them both to your best friend Darcy. They try to introduce you to Bucky and Steve but you're full of excuses and Irish goodbyes. Until Bucky catches your scent on Natasha and he's sliding in your DM's and offering to help pack up Darcy's apartment. Steve wants to give their bookworm the world and your Irish goodbyes won't slip passed him, because his eyes never leave you. But what's giving you the lost look in your eyes?

Chapter Summary: Why is the reader late? And what is girl talk?

Bucky and Steve scrambled, knocking into each other as they tried to get to the door first. The noise alerted the others to the scuffling.

“It’s the coffees you idiots.” Natasha called from the now open door. "You would have smelt if it was her."

Clint sniggered as he went to help Nat, passing out the coffees as he returned.

“You know I thought it was just Clint that went to clown school.” Sassed Sam.

“Hahahahaha.” Bucky replied dryly.

“Oh leave them, it’s sweet how excited they are.” Came Maria’s reply.

“See.” Steve said looking at Bucky knowingly.

“She said sweet, not cute.” Bucky grumbled, as he perched on Darcy’s couch, pulling a danish from the bag that had been placed on the coffee table. Sam went to deliver another quip but Steve shook his head, noticing Bucky’s sulking.

“Don’t worry Yasha, she’ll be here soon.” Nat added, glancing at her phone. Darcy glanced over to look and then showed Nat something on her phone.

“To be fair it’s not like her to be late. Is she OK?” Maria asked.

Before there was chance to answer Steve and Bucky jumped to their feet, startling the others and started to dust themselves free of crumbs. Steve searched his pockets for a mint, wanting to avoid coffee breath and Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. Darcy decided to take the opportunity to tease them.

“You ok their fellas or did my best friend just walk up the street?”

There was laughter around the room as Nat stood, grabbing your Strawberry Frappe, a danish and a napkin.

“Wait, where are you going?” Asked Steve.

“Girl talk. Stay.” Replied Natasha, exchanging a quick glance with Maria, who nodded quickly.

“We aren’t dogs.” Grumbled Bucky.

“No, you’re over excited alphas.” She replied, pulling Darcy through the door and closing it quickly.

Bucky huffed and threw himself onto the sofa dramatically. The group tried to stifle their laughter. Clint struggled the most and let out a chuckle.

“Yeah, I know, I know, I’m over excited blah blah blah.” Complained Bucky.

“That’s not why I’m laughing actually, Nat was worse than you. She changed outfits four times, brought three different bouquets of flowers and ordered six different blankets. Y/N had to tell her to and I quote ‘calm the fuck down, you look like you’re about to hump her’. To be fair Darcy looked hot. I struggled and I just had my beta urges to contend with.”

“Yeah but at least you got a date, all we’ve got is avoidance.” Grumbled Bucky, “Steve stop staring at the door, she’s not gonna magic through it.”

Steve was now the one to huff.

“What exactly is ‘girl talk’ anyway?” He asked, as they all turned to look at Maria.

As you neared Darcy’s building you got a whiff of Steve, closely followed by what you now knew to be Bucky. You saw the main door to the apartment open and panicked for a second, worried it was them. Realising their scents were still a bit of a distance away you sniffed and got a whiff of your best friend and soon to be mate, spotting them both soon after.

You quickly brushed the tears from your face and took a deep breath. Time for the ‘I’m fine’ face.

“Heyyyyy, it’s moving day! I’m so sorry I’m late, my appointment ran over, I’m here now and I have everything” you kept your voice light, tapping your bag. Darcy barrelled into you, hugging you tightly.

“Why were you at the doctors?”

“What, errrr I wasn’t, it was an eyebrow appointment.”

Darcy pushed your hair away to look at your eyebrows and shook her head disappointingly.

“When did we start lying to each other?”

“Fuck” you muttered, “how’d you know?”

“First, we went three days ago to get them done together, remember, AND Natasha tracked your phone.”

“For fuck sake Romanoff!!!” You snapped as you shot a look at her, as she hovered a few steps behind Darcy.

“I have a danish and your awful pink drink.” Nat replied, holding them out.

You side stepped Darcy and grabbed your drink and danish from Nat’s hands, letting out a huff as you sat on the building steps.

Darcy quietly followed and sat beside you, brushing your hair away from your face again, this time spotting the tear marks on your cheeks. Nat sat a few steps back, observing you both.

“I’m worried.”

“Don’t be. It was a checkup.”

“On a Saturday?”

“Specialist clinic, runs twice a month, this was the only slot, I’ve been waiting three months. I’m sorry I was late, they were running behind and then I couldn’t get an Uber and then there’s an accident a few blocks down, I walked the rest, I’m sorry.” You went to stand but Darcy grabbed at you.

“What’s going on?”

“Darcy this is your day, you don’t need to hear my bullshit.”

“Yes, I do, you always hear my crap and I wanna hear yours. What is it? Is it your suppressants? Shit, is it suppressants sickness?”

You sighed.

“A little, my body it’s, well it’s not exactly happy about being on them so long and”

“And?”

“And…… I want a baby."

Enjoy this fic? Fancy a cuppa? My Ko-Fi.

Tag list

@shellybellysstuff

[dr-spectre]

WE DID IT!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!! This is such a big milestone. Halfway until 1000 followers... that's absolutely insane!!

This will be the last follower update until we reach 1000. But, I wanna share something special with you all and get rather personal...

So, about a year ago, I wanted to learn how to draw because I was feeling depressed about "not being productive enough." Basically I got sucked into the bullshit productivity self help stuff that wants to turn your life into a cold calculated work obsessed nightmare, rather than living in the moment due to fear mongering about the future and how "if you don't grind now you WILL be a failure and die alone and get no pussy." (No wonder I picked Team Present for the Grand Fest...)

Plus I dropped out of uni at the time and welp, to put it lightly, I was feeling fucking god awful and I was scared into basically "putting in the hard work" by all these self help channels and other bullshit online. Whatever the FUCK that vague shit means, my autistic brain still doesn't get it.

It was BY FAR the worst period of my life, but, at least I tried to do SOMETHING. And I wanna show you all some of the things that I drew last year....

This was between October 2023 to February 2024. I stopped drawing due to it causing me much frustration and anger.

So yeah! Uh... enjoy?

So.... not the best work you've seen, right? HAHAHAHAHA!

Would you freak out if I told you that I got upset and damaged a book and a fan because I got so mad at myself over not being able to draw or do anything right?...

I feel like this ain't for me, and you know what? That's okay! I've learnt that it's okay to try new things, it's okay to experiment and if shit doesn't work then it doesn't work. Plain and simple. It's perfectly fine to give up and try something else.

You are not a robot, you are a human being. Don't feel like you "gotta do something everyday otherwise you'll die alone and you'll be broke and you'll never be successful and you'll be forgotten!!"

Do feel pressured to feel like you have to "find your thing" or "be productive" or whatever kind of... heh.... BRAINWASHING you hear online.

I wanted to draw because I was jealous of others, including my friends who are skilled artists... and I did it for the wrong reasons which is why I stopped in February.

I am very happy that I've decided to actually focus on what i like doing and what gives me energy. A quote that has stuck with me for years now is a quote by Jordan Peele from an interview, and it's basically this-

"Follow the fun." And you know what? He's right. Following what gives you that good good boost of dopamine while also feeling like you're accomplishing something is one of the best feelings EVER!!!! Whether it's art, writing, modelling, sculpting, architecture, making music, acting, clay sculptures, etc. FOLLOW THE FUN!! FOLLOW THE SHIT THAT EXCITES YOU!!! I literally always have multiple projects spiralling around in my head all the time and cycling between them at every given moment.

I'm not even saying do only what makes you comfortable or be lazy either, do shit that makes you go "BRING IT ON!!!! I WANNA DO THIS!!!" Get that blood pumping!!! Challenge yourself fairly!!!! There's healthy and unhealthy stress. Healthy stress should make you feel like a fucking PREDATOR!!! AN ANIMAL ON THE HUNT!!! While unhealthy stress makes you feels like you're the prey, the one who's being chased by an unknown force that's out to get you!!

I feel like I'm kinda rambling... anyways!!! ENOUGH WITH THE INSPIRATIONAL BULLSHIT!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! 99% of you have been awesome and incredible!!!

It's also been an honor to get to know so many people who feel the same way as I do about a certain squid lady and her best friends.... before I went onto tumblr I genuinely felt so alone and so insane. I felt isolated, I felt like no one saw these characters the way that I do... I thought my perspective of a certain squid lady and her rebel phase was invalided and false... But now I know that I have people who have my back and understand what I'm trying to express...

One final time, thank you. I'll keep going.

STAY FRESH!!!!!!!!!!

[lunamochii]

'biceps or thighs?!' atsumu miya x f!reader

°°°°°

"Truth or dare! First one to chicken out will buy each of us a icecream!"

You cringe hearing what your friend suggested. You and your friends are currently sitting down inside the gym, with your bags toss on the side.

"Let's use Saya-chan's waterbottle to spin and see who it lands!"

"Can I back out?" You raise your hand and all of them glared at you, making you groan "Nah-uh! Or if you want, then you'll have to buy us icecream!" Haruka, the one who propose the game, grin at you and all you could do is click your tongue and settle on the side of Rita.

There are only four of you and your silently, screaming, inside your head for the waterbottle not to land on you. It landed first to Haruka and you breath out a sigh of relief

"Ha! Truth or dare!" Rita exclaim and you snickered seeing the betrayed look of Haruka

"The fuck... fine! Dare!"

Hearing this, Saya leans in towards Rita and whispered something and two girls began to laugh

"I dare you to clean the whole gym after this game!"

If there's one thing that Haruka is good at, it's skipping her turn on cleaning duty.

"You two- you gang up on me! Not fair!" Haruka cross her arms and Rita just shook her head in disapproval

"Remember Haru~ you're gonna buy us icecream if you don't do it•~"

You think that by now maybe Haruka regretted making that kind of penalty

"Ugh whatever! I'm gonna spin it!" Haruka exclaim and twist the bottle and when she let go, it's spinning very fast and you're staring at it intently.

"Please let it not be me!" You said out loud and when it halted, it stopped at Rita and you can't help but scream in joy

"Hahahahaha!!! Rita! Truth or dare!"

"Hng- truth!"

Haruka's lips curve into a smirk, she moves closer to Rita and slump her arms on her shoulders and wiggled her eyebrows

"Who do you like in our men's voleyball team?"

You and Saya couldn't help but tease Rita at the same time, it is about time she should be honest to herself. She mumbled something but all of you didn't hear it so Haruka tease her even more

"I said it's Suna Rintaro!"

The three of you were slightly taken back as she scream the man of her dreams, it took you all 10 seconds to recover before you are all lightly poking her sides and teasing her.

"Suna, huh?"

"I mean, I've seen him look at your way whenever we watch any of their matches."

"Ahh get off!! I'm spinning!!"

Rita reach for the bottle and spins it, just right after you sat back down the bottle came into halt and it's lid is facing your way. You gulp hard and your friends are hot on your trail

"Truth or dare!"

They all said or scream in unison but you can clearly hear how they emphasize the word 'truth'

"Cal- What are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?"

Since your back is facing the entrance of the gym you couldn't see who came in but you can already make up who just said that and who's with them

"Kita-senpai! We have no class and our P.E subject just ended. We figured out that to just stay here!"

Saya beam and you giggled seeing Haruka's cheeks slowly turning pink. Well, she got a huge crush on the captain of your school's voleyball team.

"I see, but why are you all huddled up on the corner?"

"Oh we're just playing truth or dare."

"Really?! We wanna join!"

You heard the squeaky sounds made by their shoes as they ran up to where you are, Saya who saw how frozen the two of her friends. She laugh to herself.

"Actually, it's her turn!" Saya pointed at you, Rita and Haruka is quick to regain their composure

"Yeah! Truth or dare!"

"Truth!"

You heard your friends scream and the three of them huddled together and kept on whispering. You can also feel the presence of the one man who can make your heart wanna break-free from your chest.

"Alright!! Answer us with nothing but the truth!"

You nod and gulp nervously, you see how they all glance at each other before nodding and snickering to themselves, you have a bad feeling.

"Atsumu-san's thighs or biceps?!"

Your jaw drop and you can feel the heat coming up to your cheeks, you quickly got up to your feet and was about to tackle them but they were faster and avoided your wrath

"I'll kill you three!!"

Despite with your threats, the three of them just laugh

"Answer us!"

Now, it's not only them but the other members of the voleyball team joins in too. Great, your afternoon is nothing but a embarassing memory.

Amidst of your distress, you felt a pair of arms snake it's way to your waist and hugging you from the back, you can hear the whistling and 'ooooh' of your friends

"Why don't you answer it, babe? I'm also curious."

Right, sometimes it slides off your mind that you are dating one of the popular members of your team.

"If you don't answer, you'll have to buy all of us a icecream!"

"Why do I have to buy for the team too?! Kita-san!"

You look at their captain but his just smiling and waiting for your answer

"I'll start tickling you if you don't answer"

Atsumu threaten and his hands are already holding your hips firmly

"Thighs!!! I like your thighs!!"

•••••••••

"My thighs are free of use to you~ so come and lay down!"

He pat it and your face got red immediately and throw the pillow you were holding at him

"It's been 6 years! I'm over of your thighs now!"

You defended yourself, ever since that embarassing confession you did during your highschool days, there was not a single day that Atsumu didn't tease you for it. He didn't let it go even after you guys decided to move in togetherafter college.

"I thought you're over it?"

"Shut up."

Atsumu laughs which you shut him up by using your right hand to cover his mouth. You can't say no if he invites you like that to lay your head on his thighs.

You felt him grab your hand so you open your eyes and saw he kiss the ring, the one he used when he propose to you.

"I love you" he said and you smile warmly at him

"I love you too.... and your thighs."

°°°°°°°

bonus part☆

You ask him once if he could wrap his thighs around your head and he looked at you with weird expression but eventually you got him to do it.

It was the best day of your life.☆

[beanghostprincess]

Usopp is soo Sanji's babygirl but he's like "What if a man was like a girl and I liked him very much and got really stressed if I did not have him close to me constantly and even kicked my captain to defend him and lost my mind if somebody ever hurt him like. Like what is THAT called hahahahaha. I am straight tho I like girls. Women. Boobs. He's like a girl but man, y'know. Because I like him but I cannot like a man but he's like a girl to me so it is fine" and Zoro is like "Just admit you wanna fuck him and stop giving us all a headache" and Luffy is like "NAHHH THAT IS SO NORMAL BEHAVIOR!!! ME TOO!!!" but turns out he's actually gay for Usopp too and they're all poly. That's One Piece to me.

[prettyboyeddiemunson]

catholic!reader making eddie go to church after losing a bet hahahahaha

LMAO CAN YOU IMAGINE (also i got off tangent a little IM SORRY)

eddie would get up to all kinds of shenanigans during mass. he would pretend to convulse every time he looks at a cross, would pretend to be burnt when he reached into the holy water, would make some kind of comment about Jesus being ripped, and would probably fall asleep at one point before waking up to eucharist and “free food and wine.” the wine would be the highlight of his whole churchgoing experience

and don’t get me started about what he would do to her dad. he would be messing with him through the entire service and would make some comment about catholic reader. probably something along the lines of, “your daughter is more eager to get on her knees for me than she is for god,” or “there’s a lot of kneeling involved here, no wonder she can stay on her knees so long,” or one of his personal favorites: “your daughter worships my cock better than she worships god, sir.”

needless to say, eddie is not asked back to church. she would be so annoyed with him and would want him to apologize, but eddie would see nothing wrong with what he did.

“am I really wrong?” he asks.

“yes!” she says. “you know how much i love god.”

“but you also love my dick,” he says, taking her by the waist and drawing her in closer. “you know what i wanna do?”

“what?” she asks, dreading his answer.

“I wanna bend you over that altar and fuck that pretty pussy until it’s dripping,” he says, snapping her underwear against her hip.

“eddie!” she says, eyes wide. “that’s really blasphemous!”

“so?” he asks. “maybe it’ll make me wanna go back to church.”

“my dad would never allow it,” she says. “he says you’re not welcome anymore.”

“your dad just hates me,” he says, wiggling his brows. “please? just this once.”

she considers it. “fine. but i’m gonna have to confess all this to my priest.”

“ill do that for you, too,” he says. “we can go in the confession booth and play that game.”

“you’re gonna get me in so much trouble,” she says with a sigh.

“it’ll be worth it, baby,” he says. “and we can make another bet.”

“oh?”

“yep. if you like it, ill come to church with you and i’ll behave myself from now on. if you don’t like it, you can confess it all to the priest and I’ll never come back to church ever again.”

“hm…okay. but if i like it, you have to come to church every sunday and you have to wear nice clothes.”

“deal. let’s go.”