#hahahaha omg

[bearlydruid]

✏️

Halsin: What’s your body count? rakatak: Do you mean sex or murder? Halsin: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Rakatak: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Halsin: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Rakatak: You forgot pride. Halsin: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

[tsuntsunfangirl]

OMG

[stingslikeabee]

this had to be the wildest shit he had done yet for kiryu-chan's attention.

dressed in a hot pink snakeskin dress, that risked showing off more than it should, fish net tights, standing in high heels, a blonde styled wig, & finally, some make-up to finish the look off. he didn't however shave off his beard, fuck that shit, that was going too far even for majima, he spent too long getting this beard of his just right for him to be shaving it off.

he recalls fondly as he said to a hostess he knew years ago when they were talking about their jobs, majima jokingly said that he'll make a good hostess for sure, little did he know that would become a reality, although, good was debatable.

but, he really didn't want the attention of other dudes until kiryu-chan came along, he only got this job as he basically threatened the manager of the place that he'll bash his head in if he didn't hire the beauty known as goromi, so he went to hide in the staff room.

a familiar face was in there as majima walked in, he stopped in his tracks. oh fuck, it was someone he knew from sotenbori. melissa, wasn't it ? so she's working here now, good to see the gal still got it.

❝ fancy meetin' ya here, didn't i tell ya though ? ❞

this was the hostess he had that conversation with all those years ago, that he'll make a good hostess, & majima felt like he pulled the look off, he sat down next to her, in the least ladylike way in possible, legs spread as usual, with his right hand gripping his right knee.

❝ i make a good hostess, right ? think my man when he arrives will be happy with this ? think he'll take me on an afterhours date ? ❞

afterhours date ... more like an afterhours fight.

unscripted asks . always accepting

Hostessing, Melissa had found, could be a very fulfilling career once one got rid of the saddling debt and death threats. Well, most girls hadn't really gone through that part - and the brunette would never do it again; she had learned the lesson that her naiveté and the beginner years as a foreigner in Japan had cost her.

Melissa was now about to retire - she found herself looking forward to switching sides and going to management operations. After all, going so long in that industry had taught her a thing or two about what clients needed and what they were failing to find among the clubs, too. There was determination in her - she could get there, despite the upcoming challenges, and become the queen of her little kingdom in Kamurocho.

And then all her thoughts derailed at the moment Majima Goro's voice called her, the man looking like... One of her colleagues?

"Majima-san?" the brunette said while shifting in her seat and watching her former boss from her time at the Grand dropping into the place next to her. It was evident that Melissa had not been expecting to run into the yakuza there, or that he would be dressed in such an... Interesting fashion.

At that moment, one of the club managers got inside and approached her, bowing down to whisper something about how they had been forced to not only welcome Majima, but indulge his whims until a certain 'Kiryu' dropped by. He was working under the name of 'Goromi', and Melissa was asked to politely keep him out of the way and from making too much of a fuss; things were weird for the other girls and clients as it stood with a yakuza patriarch in the house looking like that.

"Ah, my apologies - Goromi-chan, isn't it?" the woman opened a smile next, but it was an entirely sincere one. Despite the fact that Majima looked very different when he worked as the manager for the Grand, he had never lacked a flamboyant streak (or the drive to do anything he put his mind to, really). The brunette had been a witness to his shenanigans more than once - in fact, it was good to see that he was well and still marching to the beat of his own drum.

"Well, come here - let me take a look at you. Your make-up is perfect, reminds me of the tricks one of my first bosses in Osaka taught me," Melissa winked at him, but actually held Majima by the hands, examining the handiwork and the overall look with a very serious expression. Well, it was impressive - his 'Goromi' persona was really putting in the effort, even if the dress chosen seemed to be about to cut the supply of oxygen to the yakuza's lungs; his body was much more muscular than the hostess had realized, and she vaguely wondered where he had found shoes that fit.

"And I really think pink suits you - you strike me as a girl who goes well with neon hues, Goromi-chan. I'm sure we will be collecting your man's jaw from the floor once he arrives; he would be so silly to decline the chance for a date, if that's what you want," Melissa nodded emphatically, clearly not only indulging her former employer but also having a very good time with the entire charade. She had never met this 'Kiryu' - and now the woman wished to linger and see how things would unfold.

The strangest thing was realizing that she was really cheering for Majima - he had looked after her during a bleak moment of the hostess' life and she would never not be grateful to the yakuza patriarch. It wasn't as if the former manager of the Grand didn't know how to take care of himself either, but Melissa didn't wish to see his good effort wasted and his pouty face around; Majima and a gloomy ambience were hardly a good combination, after all.

"Listen, if he doesn't take you on that date after we close, you come to me. I can take you on one, show all the good spots we go with our clients," Melissa squeezed Majima's hands playfully, offering him one more smile of the encouraging kind, "You got this, Goromi-chan."

[eggie-o]

translation from very forgetful forgetful german student:

(don’t trust this i’m just seeing if i can this is just for funsies )

“i got lucky!!” (mabey? guesssing from context here tbh. )

“my wife/miss/woman gave me a whooopie pie eat!!” (idk what darf is.)

“ we cool is the please!” (idk what im doing. please send help.)

“i __________“ (internet dial up noises)

“and is whoopie pies!!” (idk man)

WHOOOPPIIIEEEE

i hope you enjoyed my shitty translation.

i have a 76% in german for a reason.

if making whoopee is old timey slang for sex then are whoopee pies named that because they look like.......well......you know........

[tatakaeeren]

Shoko 😎

[skitskatdacat63]

I'm already getting the feeling that he's somehow gonna be even sillier this year 🤔

[sojutrait]

happy birthday luca!! my sweet dense baby

[birdstooth]

Absolutely the wrong time for mortician humor.

Roughly five people on this website will get this reference, and that’s fine.

[darkcreamz95]

Unlikely places to find Jan Peteh

1. Stock photos

2. Hanging out with Käärijä in his livestream

[panelshowsource]

god is fair: his hair may get greyer but his skin WILL get tighter

bonus...🤭

[002yb]

Jason’s “please don’t pull out I have abandonment issues” vs Dick’s “not pulling out because I have separation anxiety”

( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

[tsuntsunfangirl]

omfg michael just being chaotic--

[grilledcheese-savage]

Au where Nya and Jay meet again… but over Prime Empire. It goes over how you would expect.

(Did end up making a series here)

[cfffrk]

[nvaderxim]

Cassandra and Armand

[dymitre]

Karen but....