#haha well this is post-finale angst so. yeah

[heynhay]

I've done the math, there's no solution, we'll never last

[lavenderspence]

To Lean On You | Spencer Reid

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Content Warning: post prison!Spencer, mentions of addiction, prison talk (typical for the prison arc), gun use, mentions of death, suggestive themes, idiots in love, angst, so much angst.

Word Count: 8.6K

Summary: You and Spencer wasted years, truths hidden, feelings uncertain, and a fear of the unrequited. It took ten weeks, isolated, silent, and broken, for the realization to strike. There was no life, if you didn’t have each other. 

A/N: It’s finally here! Wow, writing this was a wild ride, honestly. Over a month of writing, blood, sweat, and tears poured over it (there were in fact some tears). This is also the first thing I’ve written in 3 years and I'm very happy to finally be out of my slump. It's probably the angstiest thing I've written ever, and at the same time, I feel like it's not the greatest, but deep down, I still love it, haha. Let me know if I've missed any warnings. And, enjoy and any feedback is appreciated. <3

Here are some of the songs I listened to while writing this if you want to get into the mood:

Hearts by Jessie Ware

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived by Taylor Swift

Lost Without You by Freya Ridings

In This Shirt by The Irresponssibles

masterlist

79 days, 3 hours, and 27 minutes - that’s how long it’s been since he got arrested in Mexico.

70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes since you saw him being pulled out of the courtroom after he was deemed a flight risk and denied bail. 70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes have passed since you last saw him.

65 days, 7 hours, and 11 minutes, since he was transferred to Millburn Correctional Facility, and this whole nightmare, had started. 

Per Penelope’s carefully crafted schedule, every team member has made numerous trips to visit Spencer - every member except you. You’d only made one trip out, and that had been 3 days after he’d been transferred.

March 4th, 2017

It’s been 8 days since you saw him led in cuffs out of that courtroom, where Penelope had broken down in Luke’s arms, everyone too shocked to make a sound. He’d looked back, his eyes meeting yours briefly, and it had been as if you’d almost seen your reflection in the mirror, every emotion had run between you both in a matter of seconds. 

Shock, you’d almost been sure they would grant bail, and you’d be able to take him home. Almost. 

Fear, for his future and his well-being. Fear of the uncertain. 

Desperation, the desire to run to him and take him into your arms, finally, and to not let go. 

Except you’d held his gaze for as long as you could before you’d looked down and turned your head to save him from seeing you break down in tears. You’d made a hasty escape after that, not sparing any of your teammates a glance, and walked out of the courthouse, stopping by a tree outside. The urge to curl up into a ball and hide, pretending none of this had happened, was strong, and then a hand wrapped around your shoulder. You had turned around, only to see Rossi and one of his sad little smiles, the ones you rarely saw.

“It’s going to be okay,” he’d said, squeezing your shoulder. ”The kid is strong.”

You’d sniffled, trying to hide the tears in your voice. “Yeah, well, I’m not sure I am," you’d whispered in despair. 

You were better than you had been 8 days ago, calmer. Although still heartbroken, you were looking forward to seeing him, seeing with your eyes that he was okay. Garcia had seen him, 2 days ago, before you’d been sent out on a case.  

“He looks good. I mean, as good as that big genius brain of his can look in prison. His eyes were sad though, really, really sad.” She’d paused as if to assure herself it would be alright, “I’m sure he’s looking forward to seeing you, sweetness.” She’d squeezed your hand, but her statement hadn’t rung true. 

Your hands were shaking, you weren’t sure what from. The anticipation you’d felt? The nerves? Or the words you had a hard time coming to terms with.

“I’m sorry, but your name isn’t on Spencer Reid’s approved visitor list,” the guard at the checkpoint had said after rechecking the list. 

“There has to be a mistake, I made an appointment,” you insisted, feeling yourself unravel. It wasn’t possible, you knew for a fact you were on that list, Emily had made sure of that.

“Look, lady. There are only 10 names on that list, and yours is not one of them. Now, you need to move, because there are people here waiting to see their loved ones.” you’d hiccuped and turned around, walking to the lockers to unlock your gun, badge, and phone. 

“I’m here to see a loved one.” You’d wanted to scream, but you knew it would have been futile. There wasn’t anything you could do at that moment. 

You walked to your car, dialing Emily’s number, “This is Prentiss.”  

For a second, only your breathing could be heard over the sound of the wind, and then a tiny sniffle. You wiped at your eyes and nose, and then spoke up, barely, “Why am I not on Spencer’s approved visitor list?” 

“What do you mean? Every member of this team is on the list. So is his lawyer and Diana, even Derek,” you could hear the surprise in her voice, yet you couldn’t keep calm any longer.

"They refused to let me see him! I made the appointment, Emily, and I came, hoping I’d finally see him hear his voice, and ask him-” Your voice broke mid-sentence, and after taking a deep breath, you continued, “Ask him if he was okay, and I was denied because out of the 10 names on that list, it seems mine’s not one of them.” You finished defeated, barely above a whisper.

All was silent for the moment, save for what you could hear was Penelope’s voice on the other end of the line, quietly asking what was going on, “Let me call Fiona and the warden, and I’ll see what happened. Meanwhile, I need you back here, because we just got a case.” Her voice wasn’t leaving anything up for discussion. Still, you couldn’t go, not until you saw him. 

“Emily-” she cut you off.

“It’s not a discussion. I’ll resolve this, but I need you here and your head in the game. Am I clear?” Her voice was stern, but maybe that’s exactly what you needed. Maybe.

“Yeah, clear. I’m on my way back.” You took a deep breath and started the car and the journey back to Quantico, but your mind stayed right there, on the bars that kept you away from the one thing you held dearest. 

As it turns out, there was nothing the warden or Fiona could do. Even Emily Prentiss, Unit Chief of the BAU, couldn't “resolve” the situation. Days, weeks, and months passed, and for 70 days you couldn’t see him, isolated out, not even knowing why.

“-to be in the courthouse in one.” You snapped out of your thoughts, only catching the end of the sentence, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes. You were tired, and it had little to do with the fact that you had been up all night, going over all the evidence with the team and tracing Lindsey Vaughan’s steps to a T in an attempt to exonerate Spencer and finally bring him home. 

You were exhausted, both physically and mentally. You’d been up for more than 24 hours now, but then you hadn’t been sleeping all that well to begin with. Every single night was spent wondering how Spencer was doing, and every time you closed your eyes, you saw him in that cell in Mexico. 

His eyes were red, high out of his mind, barely coherent, dirty, and injured - a far cry from the person you were used to seeing every single day - energetic, passionate, and brilliant. After 12 years, if there was one image you wished to erase from your memory, it was this one. Not all the blood you’ve seen spilled, every victim, be it men, women, or even children, all the horrors of the job, but this. Maybe it made you a bad person, but there was nothing worse than seeing the one person you held dearest at their lowest and not being able to do anything to stop it.

Every waking hour that you weren’t on the job was spent wondering how he was doing and if he was okay. If he was healthy, unharmed, and safe, or as safe as an FBI agent could be in prison. But most of all, the one thing that had kept you up at night, slowly destroying your sanity and making you question everything, had been the one question you couldn’t seem to get an answer to. 

“Why doesn’t he want to see me?”

You’d asked everyone and had waited with battered breath for an answer, a clarification on the matter, and it never came. As shocked as you had been at the notion that you wouldn’t be seeing Spencer for an indefinite amount of time, your team had been even more shocked. They knew the kind of relationship you and Spencer had, how close you’d become over the years, and how much you relied on each other. 

You’d asked every team member, you’d asked yourself, you’d even asked Spencer in a few of the letters you wrote to him, and then there had come a point where you just stopped. 

You were torturing yourself more than enough, day after day, and every single night, asking yourself a question you wouldn’t get an answer to. Not as long as he was locked up in that hellhole and you were out here, trying to keep together the pieces of something, that was on the verge of breaking. 

You felt a hand taking hold of yours, and for a second, you tensed up. Pulled out of your thoughts, you looked up and were met with chocolate brown eyes, full of worry - Emily’s eyes. 

You glanced around the room, only to realize it was empty, save for the two of you. You hadn’t felt when the others had left, that’s how deep in thought you had been. 

“Where did you go? I’ve been calling your name for a while now,” she spoke gently, squeezing your hand. If you were honest, that’s the first time she asked you anything about the situation. You’d spent weeks suffering in silence and trying to pretend that you weren’t slowly dying on the inside. 

You briefly thought about lying, it wouldn’t be the first lie you’d told since Spencer had been incarcerated, but you didn’t have it in you to hide anymore. 

And so, for the first time since Spencer’s hearing, you told the truth.

“Nothing makes sense anymore, Em,” it left you in a whisper, “I’m barely holding it together. I feel like I’m drowning sometimes, and just when I breach the surface, I’m pulled back in. My mind, it’s...I question everything, all the time. My mornings start with thoughts about him, and my nights end with tears over him, over this entire…this nightmare. I keep waiting for my alarm to go off, to wake up and realize that this has been a plot of my imagination, some cruel joke my mind has conjured, designed to show me... "Your eyes welled with tears, prepared to admit something you should have long ago. Emily gave your hand another squeeze, prompting you to continue, and so you did, admitting it for the first time aloud. 

“Designed to show me that I can’t live a life that doesn’t have Spencer in it.” You wiped at your eyes, willing your tears at bay. When you dared to look up, you were met with the eyes of the only other person besides Spencer who has been a constant rock in your life for the last 11 years. What you saw in her eyes then wasn’t surprise like you’d thought, but relief. It took you a moment to fully read her, but it was like a switch had gone off when you finally did. 

“But you’re not surprised to hear this, are you?” you smiled sadly, a light laugh leaving you. 

“I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t have my suspicions, and I’d be an even worse profiler,” she smiled at you, “Plus, there are some feelings that you just can’t hide,” you blinked, and then you blinked again. You hadn’t come right out and said it, and yet she knew, she somehow knew. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” you tried to backtrack, but you knew it was a losing battle. Emily knew you well enough to smell your bullshit from miles.

“That’s exactly how you meant it, and don’t even try to deny it. I see it every damn day. It’s how you leave the room whenever you hear someone talk about visiting Spencer. You don’t want to hear how he’s doing because you wouldn’t believe it, not unless you see him with your own eyes. But you can’t, so you’ve resigned yourself to the torture of not knowing instead of giving yourself the smallest amount of peace by asking. You’ve been suffering in silence for almost three months, too stubborn to say anything, thinking you were doing yourself a favor. And what for? You’re crying yourself to sleep every night and coming to work the next morning, pretending everything is fine when clearly it’s not. You think you’re fooling everyone, but the only person you’re tricking is yourself. And how’s that working out for you?” she had a point, and it’s not like you weren’t aware of that fact. You knew what you were doing wasn’t okay or healthy. You had the most stable support system imaginable to get you through the hardest parts. It was hard, though, especially when the person who was suffering the most was the person who’d taken your heart with him. 

“Way to call me out, boss.” you were just about ready to end the conversation, you couldn’t take any more of this. You’d promised each other long ago that you wouldn’t profile each other but you had a feeling that was exactly what Emily was doing right now. Maybe not on purpose, and with every good intention imaginable, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want one of your best friends to try to understand you based on behavioral analysis right after you’d spilled your soul out to her. 

“Just calling it the way I see it, someone has to,” she smiled, but then she shook her head a little before continuing. “What I want to know is why you didn’t say something earlier. You know I would have been there to listen, and so would have the team.” Damn, Emily Prentiss.

You didn’t have to think hard about it, you’ve been ruminating over everything for days. You were trying not to, but whenever your mind wasn’t focused on a case or the many drinking nights spent in Penelope’s purple adobe, that was where your mind would take you.

“Out of fear, I think,” you started, unsure for a second, still nervous to admit it. It wasn’t exactly what she was asking, but it was a start, “I was afraid, and I still am. I’ve been baiting myself into thinking it was just some sort of fondness, a little stronger than that which you feel towards a friend, and far lesser than what it actually is. I thought that if I didn’t say anything, I could go on lying to myself, and nothing would have to change, we wouldn’t have to change. Because words hold meaning, and an admission like that holds weight. What would I have done if it was just me who felt like this? I would have ruined the one thing we’ve both cherished for over a decade.” It felt good to finally say all of this out loud instead of holding it inward. But then again, Emily always knew when you'd had enough. 

She’d told you time and time again the same thing Hotch had asked of her when she returned to duty after faking her death: “Let me know when you are having a bad day.”. Honestly, you’d held off long enough, and so had she. It was a whole miracle she hadn’t pressed you about your behavior earlier. 

“That’s not what I was asking,” you said, shaking your head with a smile to let her know that you weren’t done speaking. 

“Everyone was suffering as a result of what happened in Mexico, what I was feeling wasn’t any different, Emily.” You were flippant about it, you always have been. You preferred isolating yourself and hiding everything instead of seeking a shoulder to bear the weight of what you felt. 

“Our sadness came from the fact that our friend was framed. And yours? That’s different.” 

“It isn’t,” she scoffed, getting up. Now you really felt like you were about to get scolded like a child.

“Yes, it is. God, you and Spencer are the same. It’s like I’m looking at his doppelganger without the whole… IQ of 187. You share some of the worst qualities a person can have,” you laughed at that, “You are both changeophobes-” you cut her off

“Metathesiophobia, fear of change.” She only raised her hand at you, as if to say, “See, you even sound like him,” which made you laugh even more. 

“You close yourselves off after a sad or traumatic experience, silently hoping you’d be able to get through the worst of it on your own. Most of the time, it’s evident that’s not the case. You only ask for help when you’ve reached rock bottom or have no other choice, but you’ve had a choice from the get-go. Your stubbornness even stems from the same anxieties, it’s infuriating,” she seemed to calm down then, in defeat maybe, or she hadn’t been mad, to begin with, she sat down again. 

“My point is, it shouldn’t have taken you learning that he might be coming home today to tell me all of this. I’ve known for a long time that there was something far more than platonic friendship on your end. You shouldn’t have tortured yourself since his trial to try to put the puzzle pieces together. You aren’t late, you have all the time in the world to say what you feel and what you want, and rejection shouldn’t be a factor, believe me. You need to make peace with that fear because Spencer is coming home today. And whether you are ready or not, you both need to have a serious conversation.” You appreciated her determination about Spencer being released, but then again, you had more than circumstantial evidence to support the fact that he was innocent. But, as always, Emily was right. He was coming home today, and after months of not seeing each other, there were a lot of things you needed to say. 

“I know. Thank you, Emily, for everything,” you whispered, squeezing her tight. 

Spencer’s POV

The first breath of fresh air after being on the inside for months felt far more overwhelming than he thought it would be. Being in charge of your being and your responses and emotions felt almost unnatural like the feeling of it didn’t belong to him. The sound of the wind and the traffic, people’s voices, and even the simple act of getting comfortable in the leather seats of the jet overwhelmed any ability to concentrate and think straight. 

In itself, it was strange. The prison was loud, the prison commissary at breakfast, lunch, and dinner was a cacophony of prisoners talking, cells being opened, and guards barking orders. The yard was loud too, although, in the middle of nowhere, nature could still be heard - the sounds of trees and the lone birds, if he had to guess a mix of Mourning Dove and Field Sparrow. Their songs were soothing most of the time, a welcome distraction from the usual noises around him. 

Without the atmosphere he’d gotten used to and subjected to all of those sounds and people whose presence he found comforting before, he now felt almost out of place. He wanted to feel at peace, he wanted to feel free, and although he technically was, his mind was more trapped than he’d actually been in that 2 by 2 cell in cellblock C.

He kept replaying some of the hardest moments from his time in, every threat, every punch he’d gotten, and the phantom feel of the fists connecting. Luis’ blood on his hands, the smell of bleach incorporated with the drugs, the tip of the sharpened toothbrush embedding into his thigh. All he’d done to survive, harm, and more harm, only to make it out alive. 

He barely recognized himself. He’d deliberately ignored looking at himself in the small plastic mirror in his cell, for fear of seeing what he’d had to become. Gone was the Spencer who’d use his brain to get out of situations, whose obliviousness more often than not helped to balance his intellect with the socially acceptable. Gone was the bubbly personality of a kid excited to share a plethora of facts with his friends. 

In his place sat a man, tormented by the reality of the hatred felt towards him. The reality of being a pawn in a game whose complexity could have been his downfall. A man whose genius, as much of a blessing, could sometimes be a curse. A man who had felt too much and was made to experience far more loss than his quaint heart was able to take. In the end, he kept losing, be it his father, by no choice of his own. His mentor, at the hands of a killer’s insanity. His friends and loved ones, hoping for a better life or his freedom, made to rot in a place he didn’t deserve to be in. 

Some would doubt that he had anything at all left to lose. All in all, how much more could the scrawny twelve-year-old child prodigy, left to survive in a public high school, take? 

His mind had been plagued by that question for years. He’d thought about that more than he’d like to admit. After every loss, there’d been a split moment where he’d asked himself what was next. What would be the next thing life would take from him? And every time, he’d had to wonder if, next time, life wouldn’t reach for the one thing he couldn’t allow to be taken from him. The one thing that, were he to lose, he’d never recover. He had hoped, sometimes prayed, that after everything he’d seen, everything he’d lived through, this would be the one thing that’d be spared. 

Locked in that cage, he’d tried even harder to ensure that there wouldn’t be another loss in his life - not anymore. Be it good or bad, he’d done everything. For 70 days, he’d had to assure himself he was doing what he thought was right, and what he wasn’t saying, he’d be forgiven for. He’d had to dodge questions and see the disappointment in his friend’s eyes, and when that wasn’t enough of a burden to bring all of his anxieties to the surface, he’d resigned himself to reading the words of the person he was doing all of this for - you. 

He’d reread every letter to the point where the edges of the papers were worn out, even though he’d known the contents by heart on the first read. He tortured himself by looking at your handwriting, analyzing the slanting of the words and the pressure of the pen. The little stains on the paper, he didn’t have to be a genius to know, were your tears. It broke his heart, to know he was causing you this much pain. He didn’t need to be there to see it, he felt it through your words.

He often questioned if it was worth it, if he was protecting you, or himself, or maybe even what you were or weren’t.

Even now, the weight of your words sat heavily on his mind, and right by his heart, in the pocket of his jacket, he felt the weight of the 9 letters you wrote. 

As he looked over from the little window of the jet, he couldn’t help but wonder if, in his desire to shield you from everything, he hadn’t gone too far. Ultimately, was he going to be forgiven, or be forced to pick up the pieces of the reality broken by his own doing?

“Don’t do that.” JJ’s gentle voice startled him from the overwhelming nature of his thoughts. She’d spent the last 30 minutes since they boarded silently observing him, waiting for him to pick up a conversation. But he’d decided to stay num. 

In every twitch of his fingers, in his desire to get comfortable but being unable to, she could see that he was restless. If she had to guess, his mind was much the same. 

“Do what?”

She gave him a look, one, had he not known her long enough, he might have been offended by. Clearly, she was offended herself, watching him play the clueless card. 

“Spence, I don’t need to profile you to know that your mind’s running a thousand miles a minute, contemplating your decisions, and I don’t think you should. You did what you thought was right, and no one blames you for that, not for Mexico, and not for what you did after,” she spoke evenly, gathering even Penelope and Alvez’s attention from where they sat. He looked over, receiving a smile and a nod from both before focusing on JJ again. 

Rationally, he knew she was right about everything. He didn’t need to run himself ragged with everything he could have done differently, or search for the perfect way to explain, or overall, the perfect outcome of his own decisions. He knew there wasn’t one, there was no perfect way to say what he needed to, no perfect words to pick so he could fix this and erase the pain he knew he’d caused. 

Perfection wasn’t something you could strive to achieve, because there’s no such thing as perfection. The term was diverse, everyone had a different perspective on what that might look like. If for JJ, perfection was the family that waited for her at home every time she returned from a case, for Spencer, perfection was vastly different. 

For him, perfection was the rich aroma of coffee that could cause someone’s insulin to spike because of the amount of sugar in it. The softness of a book page between his fingers, or the familiarity of a book he’d read before but needed to revisit. 

Perfection was the sound of your laugh whenever he was the one to prompt the sound. The way your eyes lit up every time you listened to him babble on. Perfection was the time he got to spend with you every day, every hour, and every minute that he could remember with almost scary accuracy. 

He could sit and wonder what the perfect way to go about this was, but there simply wasn’t one, there was only the truth. And as painful, hopeful, or even a little dumb as it was, that was the best he could give.

And maybe that’s what his mind should focus on instead, the truth, in its simplest form, at its core the truth he’d hidden for months, and then the truth he’d hidden for years. 

He had wondered long enough if he’d made the right choice. He spent plenty of time focusing on the shame he’d felt, prompted by the disappointment he’d seen in his friends’ eyes whenever they brought up your name. How he’d sit, silent, or give an answer so short and angry, it’d add even more shame to the one he already felt. 

Beyond his time in prison, where he spent most of his time questioning his decisions, he spent years before that questioning himself as a person. His place on the team, his intelligence, even his failings. His inability to form relationships where he’d be seen as more than Dr. Reid, or the skinny kid, pretty boy, or a genius. A relationship that’d make him feel like simply Spencer, without the added adjectives, that sometimes made him feel like a circus clown. 

Only when he’d been locked up, had he started to realize that he’d finally built a relationship with someone with whom he could be himself. The most basic, boring, and peaceful version of himself, and slowly, all had started falling into place. 

How content he felt whenever he was around you, the desire to tell you every good or bad news he received. How when you asked about his mother, it warmed his heart, or how worried he felt when you acted stupid in the field. How out of control he’d felt when you’d gone missing last year. Or even, at the time, the unexplained jealousy he’d felt seeing you talk with another man.

Morgan had asked, once, twice, a lot, if maybe he didn’t have a crush, but he’d denied it, every time. And every time he’d question himself, he'd dismiss the idea just as quickly. 

Yet, upon being forced away from you, the pieces had started mending into one. 

Every realization he’d had was like a new broken piece being glued to the overall mosaic. And every new piece added built everything he felt about you. And it was a lot, and it was overwhelming, and so, so right, it sometimes felt wrong. Because he was inside a prison of his own doing, and you were out there, made to wait for him, for an explanation, for the truth. 

And he’d vowed to himself that the moment he was out, he’d put everything on the table, no matter how much he’d fucked up or how much he’d hurt you. He’d sit there, and he’d let it out, and if necessary, he’d even beg for your forgiveness. 

Because there wasn’t a moment in this life, he wanted to live through, without you there with him.

Your POV

You pulled the trigger, your eyes focused, and your hands steady. Three consecutive shots were fired, each one hitting its intended target. Three more followed, and then as many as it took to empty the magazine. 

You put down the gun and took a deep breath, steadying your heartbeat, trying to rid yourself of the deep-seated anxiety you felt. An odd sense of calm overtook you whenever you found yourself at the shooting range. Maybe it was the everpresent scent of gunpowder or the quiet only disturbed by the firing of a gun. Or even the possibility of escaping your rising thoughts, the desire to run or scream, sometimes both. 

There was a sense of solitude there that almost made it easier to breathe. The repetitive motion and the weight of the gun in your hands felt like second nature. 

Front sight, trigger press, follow through, just like Hotch had taught you all those years ago. As long as you held that gun, your mind was quiet, and you focused on something other than the worry you felt. 

It made sense you found yourself there shortly after Emily had shared the long-awaited good news - Spencer was finally free, and JJ, Penelope, and Luke were on route back with him. For a short moment, you’d felt the weight being lifted from your chest, and then it dropped again, now tripled. 

Suddenly, your earlier conversation with Emily had gotten as real as the target before you. Even with the sense of peace, you’d felt after, your thoughts on the matter clear, you still felt a sense of dread at the idea of seeing him. 

As if he wasn’t your best friend, the man who’d long ago won your affection and captured your heart, but rather a stranger who held your future in his hands. And he might as well be, because whatever the truth to the questions you wanted answered was, one thing was for sure.

It’d either make or break you both.

You picked up a new magazine, and loaded the gun, aiming at the target before releasing the safety. Before you fired again, you released a breath, and with it, all the feelings within you - fear, uncertainty, yearning, and the sense of madness, which, although mild, was persistent.

You fired once, twice, your aim impeccable, and then, out of nowhere, you missed. 

The hair at the back of your neck rose, your heart rate quickened, and the feeling of another’s presence in the room was unmistakable. It took you just a second to put the pieces together, the intrusion felt like anything but that. 

Instead, for a brief moment, the person brought with them a familiar feeling of calm. In the next instance, though, reality came crashing like a tidal wave, and you knew you’d run out of time. 

Your hands shook as you put down the gun. You could feel him watching you, probably standing next to the door, as if he couldn’t will himself to move closer. The anxiety was palpable in the air, although you couldn’t really say if it was yours or his, most likely, it was a mix of both.

You went to reach for your protection but hesitated. Once you took it off, there’d no longer be an excuse for you to ignore him, you’d finally have to meet the reality he’d so carefully crafted for you.

Even though you felt like you could barely breathe, the desire to finally lay your eyes on him won out. 

Without missing another beat, you took off your earplugs and then your eye protection. You could faintly hear the sound of shoes squicking against the floor. He could never stay still when he was nervous.  

You picked up on the sound of your own breathing too, the beating of your heart was almost erratic. You were waiting, what for, you weren’t sure. 

He was waiting too, for you to turn around, to lay his eyes on you. Like a sadist, waiting to see the pain he’d caused, or a masochist, wishing for his own in turn. 

70 days of slowly killing you both.

When you finally dared to turn around, it took you a moment to fully take him in. He looked like the Spencer you knew, yet there was something different about him too. Dressed in his usual suit and tie outfit, he didn’t look comfortable. His posture was rigid, almost defensive. It wasn’t a conscious decision, that much you were sure of.

His hair was longer, pushed back, curling at the ends, and he’d lost some weight. Not much, but enough to make an impression after all this time. He looked pensive, like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders, but maybe it was just the weight of the consequences he had to face.

Your eyes ran over every inch of him multiple times, intentionally avoiding his gaze for as long as possible. Seconds and minutes passed, and you weren’t really sure how much exactly. 

Spencer knew, though, of course, he did. If his fear of meeting you eye to eye was as great as yours was, you knew he was counting until the torture of the act itself was over. 

89 seconds he’d counted, although now with you there, they felt longer than the days without you did. 

When you eventually met his gaze, you felt a part of your heart chip on the inside. What people said about the eyes being a portal to one's soul couldn’t have been more right in that moment. Spencer, a man who excelled at hiding his emotions when he really wanted to, had let them out as clear as day for you to see. 

His eyes sparkled with so much sadness and guilt that it threatened to take you apart even before he had the chance to talk. Something softened within you at that moment, but in the next instance, it was like someone else took over. 

One moment you wanted to cry for him or with him, and the next you felt like your whole being needed to be let out. 

“Is that…is that all you can offer me right now? More of your silence? Don’t you think I’ve had enough of that?” The questions, a few of many to follow, had a bite to them. 

His face fell a little, taken aback by your tone. He fidgeted with his fingers, unsure what to say, or where to start. How could he answer your question? He pictured a scenario where his words flew freely, where he gave you an explanation worthy of forgiveness and a confession, so earnest that it ended with you in his arms. 

Try as he might, the words didn’t come to him, just a barely audible accusation. 

“That’s not fair.”

You scoffed, as if in outrage. A madness, one born out of so much heartbreak, took over, it was blinding. If someone had asked you to explain yourself, you’d say that wasn’t you. You’d never be so forward, almost cruel, to him, but at that moment, being mad sounded so much better than being vulnerable. Like a shield, you weren’t ready to let go of yet.

“How exactly is this not fair, Spencer? It’s the truth!” you yelled, and you felt free, finally letting it all out. “You want to know what isn’t fair, though? The way you isolated me OUT of your life! For three months, I’ve had to stand on the sidelines and beg for scraps, just to know you were okay. Every pitiful look I’d get from the people I consider family felt like another stab to the heart. That’s what’s not fair!” You were screaming so loud. It was a good thing the range was soundproof, otherwise, the whole of the BAU would have been deep in your business by now. 

If he looked surprised by the accusation, he didn’t really show it. His posture took a turn, though. The rigidity disappeared, and in turn, it opened, as if the need to comfort you overpowered the uncertainty or the mask he’d had to hold while imprisoned. 

You didn’t want his comfort, not right now. Maybe later, when all was said and done, you’d get to have a normal conversation without the frustrations of the past. At that moment, you just wanted everything out of your system. You wanted the questions, the answers, and the truth. 

His silence continued as he started closing the distance between you. You wanted to move, to create more distance, but there was nowhere to go. You were squeezed between the range, and him. Whatever else was left than to continue begging for clarity.

“It’s not fair being sent away the first time I came to see you. To learn you didn’t want to see me! Each time it was my turn to visit you, do you want to know where I was? I sat outside that fucking prison, wishing for a glimpse of the person who’s been my rock for 12 years! Holding back tears, thinking you didn’t…you didn’t care like I did. Is this what I really deserve after 12 years by your side?” You almost slipped, you almost told him, and maybe you should have, it might have prompted him to talk or to say something. But no, he stayed silent. Step after step, he limped, his cheek twitched, and his brows furrowed, but like a coward, he remained quiet. 

He was meters away from you, three more steps, and he’d completely close the distance, and meet you face to face. 

“Say something, Spencer, damn it!” Your throat burned from the strain, and he advanced even more. “Anything,” you finished in a whisper, and all of a sudden, all the fight left you, and your eyes watered and your vision went blurry. 

He was just a step away then, and when you looked into his eyes, you couldn’t help but see how they shined. 

He reached forward, one hand taking hold of your arm while the other went to hold your waist, but you shook your head. “No, Spencer, please,” you whispered. You didn’t want to find yourself in his arms, because that would be the last of your composure, gone. You’d surrender to the feel of him like you even had a choice not to. 

He didn’t stop, not until you were snug into his arms, one of his hands at the back of your neck, holding your head tenderly, but the arm around your waist held onto you as if he was scared you’d slip away from him. 

Once in his arms, you finally let go, breaking down into pieces, hoping he’d be able to hold them all from crumbling to the ground. 

“Hey, shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He kept repeating, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your pulse point. All the while, you could only stand, your arms at your sides, as if paralyzed.

Being in his arms felt like being home somehow. It felt so right after having been deprived of the feeling for so long. It felt like there was nothing wrong, and nothing could go wrong at that moment. 

Even though you hadn't initially wanted his comfort, somewhere deep inside, you craved his tender touch. You craved the feel of his body near and the faint scent that was so uniquely him - a mix of coffee, fall, and old paper, books. You realized then that you craved the sound of his voice too, another part of him you’d been deprived of. 

The voice of the always rambling boy that never failed to bring a smile to your face, even when you couldn’t understand him sometimes. 

And the more he whispered, his voice broken and shaky, the harder you cried. You’d thought nothing could match the heartbreak of his actions or the anger of his silence, but the reality of being held against him brought the realization that your suffering mirrored his own. 

If you’d been dying on the inside for months, he’d been on the other side of the link holding you tethered to each other, dying just as much. 

And you couldn’t hold yourself back any longer after that. You buried your head in the crook of his neck, and your arms finally circled his waist underneath his suit jacket, fisting the back of his shirt as if it were your one lifeline. 

You felt him exhale when you finally returned his touch, most likely in relief, before he dropped a light kiss on your head. 

You cried for the relief of having him back and close. For unspoken truths and time wasted, years of figuring out feelings clear as day. For all the anger, for all of his silence, for all you felt for him. 

He cried for all the pain he’d caused you and for all the time he’d wasted being alone instead of being with you. He cried for himself, he cried for you, and he cried, overwhelmed by his feelings for you. 

You clung to one another, crying, and minutes were passing and neither of you cared. Not when you had each other. 

After a while, when both your tears dried out and your cries quieted, but you still felt the need to hold each other close, you dared to murmur a broken “Why?” hoping he’d hear, hoping he’d understand. 

It didn’t take him long to mumble a reply, no longer silent. 

“All the words in the world available, and I wish I could explain.” it came out just as quietly, both of you scared to break the little bubble you’d found yourselves in. 

You pulled back from him, wanting to look into his eyes, red-rimmed and still sparkling when you felt yourself begging again. 

“Then try, please, because I’d rather know, and not understand, than not know at all.” And it was the truth. He could speak in riddles if he wanted, but you needed to know why he’d made that choice. 

You looked at him expectantly before he pushed a piece of hair back, and his hand once again settled at the back of your head, gently cupping it. 

“I wanted you safe from a world you didn’t belong in,” he admitted on an exhale, like a lifelong secret he’d gotten tired of holding onto. 

You looked at him in wonder, and it was on the tip of your tongue to tell him he didn’t belong in that world either, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, he shook his head. 

“I was ashamed when I had you removed from the visitor’s list. I didn’t want you to see me like that, like a criminal,” he started, pulling you into his arms, not wanting to admit it to you eye to eye, out of fear of being right. Of course, he was wrong, but that didn’t stop him from wondering. 

“The first time JJ visited me, they leered at her like they were being fed fresh meat, taking her in, committing her to memory. A cage full of animals. I knew then that I didn’t want that for you, and any guilt I had at keeping you away disappeared that day. It hurt me, knowing I was failing you and whatever trust you had in me,” he whispered, wishing to keep the reality of his thoughts and his feelings in a little bubble as if you only existed in it.

“I’m not the same person I was before, I couldn’t be him, even if it meant losing a part of myself in the process. I couldn’t really be a decent human being without bearing the consequences. Everything I saw, everything I did, and everything that was done to me, I don’t think I’d ever fully be the person I was before. And that too, I’m thankful I spared you from seeing.” It would explain his rigidity, a defense mechanism he’d had to get used to. 

And while everything he’d said thus far was true the biggest truth, he’d had yet to say. He had yet to really explain why he’d done what he’d done in the first place. He was stalling, still afraid, but the longer he held you, the longer he felt your heart beating in time with his, the more sure he became. 

To hell with the consequences, to hell with whatever happened after, he was right here in the now, alive, breathing, his arms around you, finally at peace. 

He pulled back, took your face into his hands, and finally whispered.

“Most of all, though, I knew I loved you enough to risk us if it meant keeping you safe.” It left him in a rush, a confession waiting to be let out for months. A feeling he’d had for years, and a moment where he could finally be open about it. 

“What…?” you licked your lips, shocked that you might not have heard him correctly. ”What does us mean?” This part of the conversation felt like you were daydreaming about it, it just didn’t feel real. 

“It means whatever you want it to be. Whatever you want us to be.” All of a sudden, it was that simple. 

“So, you love me?” You had a hard time taking it all in, yet your heart fluttered in pure happiness. “And you…you want us?” 

"Yes.” Even before you were done speaking, he was already answering. He was desperate to finally admit he was absolutely smitten by you. 

Months of figuring out your feelings, years of hiding them, a conversation to finally prompt a confession out of you, and all this time it was reciprocated. You could have cried, happiness like no other coursing through you, pure bliss. 

You wanted back into his arms, you wanted to kiss him so badly that your blood was burning from the need to feel him like you'd never been able to before. And yet, you knew there was something else you needed to do before you could finally do it.

“Spence, you don’t push away the people you love, no matter the cost. You rely on their love to help aid you when you’re at your lowest.” You gave his sides a light squeeze before you looked back into his eyes, only to see them hopeful and uncertain at the same time.

He looked hopeful, for the possibility that you might actually love him back, but uncertain because it felt like you might be pushing him away this time. 

“I can’t go through this again. Having to watch you wither away, in prison, at home, or by your own thoughts, I won’t be able to handle being pushed away again,” whispers, cries, pleas, memories full of heartbreak intertwined with present confessions full of joy. 

His eyes watered then, his lips trembling. Any sign of hope was gone, and in its��� place stood the realization of a man who’d maybe gone a little too far. He’d pushed you away, and now, it was your time to be the one sticking and twisting the knife deep, breaking his heart in the process. 

If someone were to ask him at that moment what his biggest regret was, he’d say this. This was his biggest regret, his own choices. 

A tear escaped him, and you reached up, wiping it away gently before you spoke again.

“If..if this is going to go anywhere, you need to rely on me. You need to believe that I can handle anything and everything, just as long as you are by my side. All those years of being pushed away - your addiction, Maeve and Gideon’s deaths, your mom’s diagnosis, Cat Adams - you weren’t alone then, you aren’t alone now, and you won’t be alone in the future. You’ll always have me by your side, you’ll always have my support. Most of all, you’ll have my love, but when things get hard, I need you to lean on me, and trust that I can help you because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together.” You finished on an exhale, full-on crying now. You could barely see him, but from the little you could, you saw tears streaming down his face, and a smile that grew wide, happy.

Those words, he knew them word for word. For 13 days, he’d repeat them, no longer needing to see them written down, he had them engraved in his brain. Your letters he could recite, but your final one he’d remember as long as he lived. 

“I promise to lean on you and trust that you’d help me because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together,” he whispered back, his eyes searching yours for just a moment before he pulled you in, and finally, his lips met yours. 

He kissed you, tentative at first, testing the waters. He wanted to take his time, commit your lips to memory, gentle, and plump, exactly how he’d imagined they’d feel. The more he kissed you, the more he couldn’t stop. Passion, urgency, desire - his kisses turned desperate like he wanted to swallow you whole and never let you go. 

He bit your lip gently, asking for access, before his tongue intertwined with yours and he pulled you flush against him, closing any gap left between you. Chest, hips, there wasn’t an inch where you weren’t touching. 

It felt so familiar, even though you hadn’t kissed before. So right, like no one's kisses had felt before. As if your whole lives, kissing each other was the missing piece in a complicated puzzle, waiting to be put together. Coming together as one, it felt magnetic, a feeling of euphoria, pure ecstasy, no one else mattered, no other feeling mattered at that moment, other than your hands on each other and your lips locked together. 

Time was passing by, and you didn’t care. Years of missed opportunities, hidden feelings, and long-awaited realizations all led to this moment. Starved for each other, a kiss full of fervor and even the taste of tears was present. Unimaginable, but very real.

When you finally pulled apart, he wiped your tears, and you wiped his in turn, before he gathered you back in the comfort of his arms, laying a kiss on the side of your head.

And between the four walls around you, nestled in each other’s arms, the place where no one could touch you, in a shared breath you both whispered. 

“I love you.” 

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Likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!

[wzrd-wheezes]

The Engagement Arrangement - Sirius Black x Reader/James Potter x Reader.

Hey!!! Can I request an arranged engagement with James because they grew up in wealthy families and they're close friends but as she gets to know the boys better Sirius falls in love with her? Mutual pining with obstacles with be the death of me.

AN: after actual months of writing this fic, it's finally finished. I posted the first part of it months ago but decided to finish the fic and repost it as a complete work. i'm so fucking proud of this and i really hope you enjoy it. this is the longest thing i've ever written so please please please give it a reblog and let me know what you think. ily <3

Contains: some angst, a lot of fluff, pining, swearing and just general good times haha. enjoy!

9k words

The engine of the car hummed quietly causing the window to vibrate as Y/N rested her head against the glass. She fiddled with the hem of her dress as she gazed out of the window, the trees a blur of red and orange as they whizzed past. 

“Will you stop fiddling with your dress!” Y/N’s mother snapped, whipping her head around to glare at her daughter, “I won’t have you at the Potter’s house with your dress all creased, what will they think of us!?” 

Y/N only murmured in response, barely paying attention to her mother’s nagging as she smoothed her dress out. The car pulled to a stop on the gravel driveway outside of the Potter’s manor. The autumn sunlight beat down on the vast lawns and bounced off of the ornate windows, casting patterns on the driveway. She sighed as she got out of the car, mentally preparing herself for the afternoon at the Potter’s.  

Coming to the Potter’s house for lunch wasn’t a frequent occurrence, yet every time their car pulled up outside, Y/N filled with dread. The lunches were alarmingly boring with her parents talking tirelessly with Mr and Mrs Potter. The Potter’s had a son, who Y/N was yet to meet as he attended a boarding school. Y/N’s mother had explained to her that James had been sent to boarding school as he was rather unruly, and they were trying to get him to settle down. However, now that he, like Y/N was 18, had finished school and returned home. 

Mrs Potter greeted them graciously at the front door, giving her parents a hug and Y/N a squeeze on the shoulder. She led them into the sitting room and began to bustle around making tea. Y/N perched on the edge of the sofa, trying to avoid crumpling her dress and infuriating her mother again. Just as she had done in the car, Y/N stared out of the window, her eyes drifting over the garden that seemed to sprawl for miles. Leaves floated down from the trees, landing in a pile on the floor before being dispersed by the soft breeze.  

“Nice of you to finally join us, Son.” Mr Potter spoke, easy smile resting on his face. Y/N was pulled out of her daydream, her eyes darting towards the door where a young man was standing, leaning lazily against the door frame. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his slacks, the top button of his shirt undone and his dark curls falling messily into his eyes. 

“Mr and Mrs L/N.” he nodded, “Nice to see you both again.” 

“Ah, James.” Y/N’s father exclaimed, “It’s been a while! You must have grown a good few feet taller since we last saw you.” 

“My career as a dwarf never really took off so I decided to just let it go.” James joked, earning himself a disapproving look from both of his parents. 

“James,” Y/N’s mother swiftly interjected, “You haven’t met our daughter, Y/N. She’s just finished school as well. I’m sure you’ll both get along well.” 

“Nice to meet you,” James grinned, stepping into the room and shaking Y/N’s hand. Y/N just smiled back at him, unsure of what to say. Her mother harshly nudged her leg, urging her to reply. 

“Yeah. You as well.” 

James plonked himself in the armchair in front of the window that Y/N was previously looking out of. She frowned slightly, annoyed that he was obstructing not only the view but also the distraction from the torturously boring conversation that their parents were having. The two teenagers sat silently, every so often glancing up at each other. One time, James rolled his eyes and mimed putting a gun to his head, Y/N had to try her best to stifle a laugh. Clearly, she didn’t try hard enough as she was shot another one of her mother’s infamous disapproving looks. 

“James, dear, why don’t you go and show Y/N around the gardens while we talk? We have some important business to discuss, and it will be terribly boring for you both.” James’ mother suggested. Y/N let out a sigh of relief and eagerly stood up, grabbing her jacket from the coat stand. 

For the first few moments, they didn’t speak a word to each other, just silently making their way through the hall towards the large front door, buttoning up their coats as they walked. It was only when they were out of earshot that James finally spoke. 

“I didn’t think it was possible to die of boredom, but I genuinely think I was close.” He said dramatically.  

“We were only sat in there for half an hour.” Y/N said, raising an eyebrow at him.  

“Yet it felt like an eternity.” 

James pushed open the front door and they were greeted by the crisp autumn air. Their breaths clouded in the chill, damp air and they both wrapped their coats a little tighter around themselves.  

“What d’you reckon they’re talking about?” Y/N asked, “What’s so important that we can’t be there to hear them discuss it?” James shrugged, staring up at the cloudless sky. 

“Who knows? Probably just boring adult stuff. I tend to just tune it out whenever they start speaking.” Despite his nonchalant response, there was a hint of wistfulness in his expression. It was almost as if the thought of having a genuine adult conversation with his parents seemed utterly foreign and unappealing to him. 

“They’re probably just sat moaning about us.” Y/N laughed, “That’s what adults do when they get together, isn’t it? Moan about their children?” 

“Nah, not my mum and dad. They genuinely think the sun shines out of my arse.” James chuckled. 

“Didn’t they ship you off to boarding school because you were too ‘unruly’” Y/N said, making air quotes with her fingers. James’ cheeks flushed at her comment and he let out an awkward chuckle. 

“Yeah, that was a bit of an exaggeration on mum and dad’s behalf. They made it sound like I was some feral child. In reality, I was just a normal kid who liked to have fun.” 

Y/N felt a bit guilty for poking fun at him about the boarding school ordeal. It seemed to be a bit of a sore spot for him, despite how flippantly he brushed it off. 

“They didn’t have to be so dramatic,” James continued, “But it’s all in the past now. I’m back home and everything’s fine,” He shrugged, the smile returning to his face. Y/N wasn’t quite so sure how accurate that statement one. 

They chatted as they walked through the gardens, comparing their school experiences, talking about their upbringings and their parents. Y/N felt sad that James had been away for the majority of their childhood, it would have made the many dinners with their parents a lot less painful if she had had someone her own age there to speak to.  

 The more time that Y/N spent in James’s company, the more she realised just how much they had in common. They had similar senses of humour, enjoyed engaging in sarcastic banter and had a mutual disdain for the social niceties that dominated their families’ get-together. For his part, James enjoyed speaking with Y/N as well. Unlike with the adults in his life, he didn’t have to keep up an exhausting façade. He could be frank with her and didn’t have to worry about offending her with his snarky wit. 

The conversation turned back to the topic of their schooling. Y/N described her school life and her friends, while James told stories of pranking students and teacher alike, and generally being a nuisance. James had a twinkle in his eye as he recounted some of his more mischievous antics. It was clear that he had no regrets and was, in fact, quite proud of all the trouble he had gotten into over the years.  

“I’m pretty sure I was on my last chance before they got rid of me,” he admitted as they walked back to the house, “In our final year, my friends and I were planning to pull a big stunt during exam week, it would have definitely gotten us kicked out. Only, my friend Peter ended up talking us out of it in the end. Probably for the best.” As he finished speaking a hint of regret crossed his face. 

When they finally returned to the house, having been gone a good hour or so, they found their parents still sat in the same spot they were in before they had left. It looked as though time had stood still while they were outside. 

“Ah, there you two are! We were just about to send someone out to find you! We really need to talk to you both, if you wouldn’t mind sitting down for a moment.” Mrs Potter smiled. James sighed inwardly and shot Y/N an apologetic look. Just when he had been enjoying himself, their parents’ demands had sent him back to reality.  

“We’ve been discussing the future,” Y/N’s father began, “And now you have both finished school we believe it’s time to start making preparations for the future.”  

Y/N and James both leaned forward in their chairs, intrigued by what their parents had to say. James let out a nervous chuckle, not sure what Y/N’s father meant by that.  

“Preparations for the future?” he repeated, turning to look at his own father, “What do you mean? Like, getting involved in the family business or something?” 

“Not particularly.” James’s father said. 

“You’re both intelligent, young individuals with bright futures ahead of you. The pair of you both come from good families, and we think it’s time that the two of you started settling down.” Y/N’s mother explained. 

Both Y/N and James sat there in stunned silence, their minds racing to try and figure out exactly what their parents were talking about.  

“You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are you?” James asked, not wanting to believe it, “You’re seriously suggesting that at the ripe old age of 18, we get married to each other?” The words were out of his mouth before he had even fully formed the thought. 

“That’s ridiculous!” Y/N exclaimed, “You can’t just arrange our romance like we’re some sort of commodity. That’s absurd!”  The notion of being forced into a relationship with James with utterly foreign to her, especially since they had only met mere hours ago. Mrs Potter looked at them both with a stern expression. 

“This isn’t something that we’ve considered lightly.” she said, in a tone that left no room for argument, “We believe that the two of you will make a wonderful couple, and with time may even grow to love each other.” 

“There is much more than that to our proposal,” James’s father said solemnly, “It’s not just about romance. In this particular case, settling down is more about stability.” 

James and Y/N just stared at each other, feeling the full weight of their parents’ decision bearing down on their shoulders.  

“But what about what we want?” James snapped, gesturing to the two of them. 

“At the end of the day, this isn’t about what you want.” Mr Potter shook his head, “This is about your families and their futures, not just your own selfish desires.” 

The statement hit both of them hard, and for a moment, the two teenagers were completely stunned. Their own family was more important than their own happiness, their own dreams. The harsh reality of their situation slowly began to sink in, and the weight out the responsibility felt nearly too heavy for them to bear. 

James paced back and forth across his spacious bedroom, seemingly unable to settle in one place. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides as he tried to wrestle with the situation that they had been forced into. Y/N was watching him, lounged on the edge of his bed with a mug of tea in her hand. 

It had been a few days since their parents had broken the news to them and they had since decided that it would be a good idea for Y/N to move in with the Potter’s. It was as if her parents couldn’t wait to get her out quick enough and had all of her things boxed up in a matter of hours. 

“What do you think of all this?” he finally asked, stopping in front of her. She raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of her drink. 

“Are you joking?” she scoffed, “You have to be joking. ‘Settling down’. Are you serious?” She sat so that she was upright, putting her mug down on the bedside table.  

“Are our parents mad? Have they actually lost it? Who proposes something like that to teenagers these days?” She could barely hide her incredulity. 

James sighed, feeling like his head was going to explode from a sudden rush of confusion and emotions. It felt so surreal, like this was some kind of elaborate joke that their parents were just waiting to reveal the punchline of.  

“I mean, you seem great and all and sure, we get along well enough, but is that really a solid basis for deciding to spend the rest of our lives together?” He raked a hand through his unruly hair. In his mind, there was no possible way they could make this situation work. 

“If it wasn’t so ridiculous, it would be hilariously tragic,” she sighed, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to ease the onset of a headache. 

“My friends are supposed to be visiting for a few weeks.” James said, sitting down on his bed, “I suppose they’ll make me cancel now you’re here. Y’know, with them wanting us to spend time together and all.” 

Y/N shook her head, feeling a surge of sympathy for James. He’d mentioned earlier how much he was looking forward to seeing his friends again and she couldn’t help but imagine how disappointed he would be if he had to cancel on them.  

“That’s a pain.” she said, “If it was up to me, I’d leave you alone to do whatever you like. I mean, fuck it, why not just let them come over anyway? If we’re getting married then I’m going to have to meet your friends eventually.” a sort of half-smile crossed her face as she looked at James. 

“Really?” he asked, turning to face her, “You wouldn’t mind if they still came over?” 

“Not at all!” 

“Wicked.” James grinned, “I’ll have to try and convince mum now.” 

Somehow, James managed to convince his mother to allow his friends to stay and they arrived a few days later. w fresh faces around. The two boys bounded down the driveway and tackled James into a somewhat clumsy hug, lanky adolescent limbs all over the place. James laughed and greeted his friends fondly.  

“So, this is the future wife then?” one of James’s friends grinned as he introduced them, “I’m Sirius. Pleasure to meet you. I’m sorry that you have to marry this prat.” 

“Not as sorry as I am.” Y/N mused. Sirius was just as tall as James but had a slightly more slender build. His dark hair falling straight down to his jawline, unlike James’s messy curls.   

“It’s a rough deal, I’ll admit.” The other one said. He was taller than both James and Sirius and awkwardly held a hand out for Y/N to shake as he introduced himself, “I’m Remus, by the way.” 

“Thanks for the condolences.” she laughed, “I’m Y/N.” 

James seemed to loosen up a bit now that his friends were here. Y/N had barely seen him smile the last few days. He’d spent the majority of his time moping around the house trying to come up with a plan to get them both out of this mess. 

They decided to go and explore the surrounding countryside, the boys were keen to show Y/N the places that they had gone when they were growing up. James had said he felt too cooped up in the house, like they were constantly being watched by his parents and was eager to get out.  

They meandered around the grounds of Potter Manor, the boys occasionally sharing anecdotes about the summers that they used to spend at the Potter’s. Sirius pointed out the tree that James fell from when he broke his arm when he they were 12. The boys all looked at it fondly like it was one of the seven wonders of the world.   

Sirius and Remus, much like James, were charming and playful and Y/N was pleased with how well they managed to mesh with her sense of humour. She realised, over the course of the afternoon, that Sirius had a particular way of speaking that made her heart flutter. There was something about it, deep, silky and rich like melted chocolate. A certain kind of gentleness to the way his voice carried that felt like he could make whoever he was speaking to feel as if they were the centre of his attention.  Y/N felt a pang of guilt in her stomach as she tried to push the thoughts of Sirius from her mind.   

As the sunlight began to fade into the afternoon sky, the group made their way back to the manor. Y/N knew that they would soon be sitting down for dinner, but she wasn’t quite ready for their afternoon to be over quite yet. She had gotten to know the boys better and was having fun hearing the stories of their school days. The idea of going back to an awkward dinner with James’s parents was unsettling. 

Dinner was a bit of a bust; James’s parents were once again preaching the joys of settling down young and the importance of family and tradition. James seemed to be trying his best to get through the meal without any trouble, occasionally shooting an apologetic look at Y/N. Sirius and Remus sat awkwardly opposite them, doing their best to dodge the Potter’s invasive questions about when they themselves would get married. 

Every so often, Sirius would nudge Y/N’s foot with his own under the table. It first started when Mrs Potter made a comment about wedding dresses, but as dinner went on, it became more and more frequent. He would tap his foot against hers, then when she would look up at him he would pull a face or wink at her. She tried her best to focus her attention on the food in front of her, but it was hard not to be distracted by Sirius’s constant prodding under the table. The gesture felt flirty, and despite her efforts to resist, she couldn’t help but look back at him every time they made contact.  

The first time that Y/N and Sirius were alone together was a few nights later when Y/N got up in the middle of night to get a drink. She was restless and unable to sleep, still not used to the unfamiliar house that she was now living in.   

Sirius was already in the kitchen when she got in there, hoisted up on the kitchen counter, dimly lit from the small stream of moonlight that shone in from outside. 

“Mrs Potter will kill you if she sees you sitting up there.” Y/N whispered. Sirius snapped his head round to look at her, clearly not expecting anyone else to be up at this hour. He rolled his eyes and chuckled. 

“Let her try.” he said, not seeming too worried about the potential consequences of his behaviour. He stayed put on the counter, looking down at Y/N with a mischievous grin.   

“On your head be it.” she shrugged, grinning at him, “What are you doing up so late anyway?” 

“Couldn’t sleep.” he shifted his legs so that he was now sitting cross-legged on the counter, “What about you? Doing a bit of late-night wedding planning? 

Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes. She had spent so much time over the last few days trying to resist his playful flirting, but he was making it increasingly difficult. With every smile and joke, she felt herself warming up to him. 

“Oh, of course,” she scoffed, “I was just about to draw up the first draft of our wedding invitation.” 

“Well, if you need a hand writing them out then I’ll have you know that I have lovely penmanship.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Y/N said, “But I’m hoping it doesn’t get that far.” 

“How are you feeling about everything?” he asked gently, his face becoming more sombre. 

“I mean, James is lovely and all but...” her voice trailed off for a moment, “I’m not in love with him. I don’t want to marry him, and he doesn’t want to marry me.” 

Sirius just nodded, for once in his life at a loss for what to say. Y/N crossed the kitchen, grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. She pulled herself up onto the other counter, opposite Sirius. 

“Y’know, I nearly ended up marrying my own cousin once,” He said bluntly. Y/N spluttered, nearly spitting her drink out. “You think yours and James’s families are mental? You should try meeting mine.” 

Wait, what?” she asked, looking at him in disbelief.  

“Yep. Old fashioned family traditions. Similar situation to you and James. They wanted me to settle down and get married and move out of the family home.” he said, “Guess that’s one thing we have in common then. Our fucked up families.” 

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at Sirius’s crassness, but she felt a sense of validation knowing that someone else knew exactly what she was going through. 

“Yeah, I guess it is,” she said with a small smile, “So, what happened? How did you get out of the marriage?”  

“I ran away. Came to live with the Potter’s for a few weeks until school started again. I didn’t tell them exactly why of course. James and Remus knew and obviously thought it was hilarious.” his smile quickly faltered, “Haven’t seen my parents since.” 

“Well, I’m glad you escaped.” Y/N said softly. She could see that the situation with his parents was still very raw and painful for him, as much as he tried to brush it off. 

“Yeah, me too.” 

They stayed in the kitchen chatting for hours. Y/N told Sirius about her childhood and her school years and he exchanged stories about his childhood before he ran away. They only realised how much time had passed when a small chink of sunlight streamed through the window.  

“Shit. I didn’t realise the time.” Y/N gasped, hastily standing up. 

“Time flies when you’re having fun, eh?” Sirius grinned, he slid off the counter, crossing the kitchen to stand in front of her, “I’ll see you in a bit.” 

His comment made her face flush and she hoped that he hadn’t noticed it in the dim early morning light. She quickly composed herself and nodded at Sirius. 

“See you,” she said, trying to ignore the feeling of butterflies fluttering in her stomach. 

Y/N and James seldom spent any time alone together with Sirius and Remus staying at the Potters. Secretly, she was grateful, it was nice to have a bit of a buffer between her and James sometimes, his two friends seemed to make the whole ordeal a lot less awkward.   

“Are you busy?” James asked, suddenly appearing at her side in the kitchen the next morning. She hadn’t even heard him walk over. His voice caught her off-guard, and she jumped slightly, turning back to face him. 

“No, why? Is everything okay?”  

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.” he said quickly, “Everything is fine. I just wanted to...talk. To you.” James’s tone was more solemn than normal, his thick, dark eyebrows knitted together seriously. 

A long moment of silence passed between them before Y/N eventually nodded and followed James. He led her upstairs towards his bedroom, firmly shutting the door behind them. He gestured for Y/N to take a seat but remained standing himself. Her eyes widened in anticipation as he took a deep breath.  

“I’m not really sure what the best way to tell you this is so I’m just going to come out and say it.” he began, “I overheard mum and dad speaking last night and well... they’ve set a date for the wedding.” 

Y/N felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She had been enjoying the lull in the situation and felt like she had momentarily forgotten that anything had been wrong. James’s words hit her like a ton of bricks, and she slumped back in her seat, feeling completely stunned.  

“W-what? When?” 

“Next month.” James said with a pained expression, “It’s fast, but it seems like it’s the only way to satisfy our parents. They’ve set a date, so... I guess it’s happening.” 

He crossed the room to sit next to Y/N on the bed. He took her hand in his and squeezed it. Y/N looked down at their intertwined fingers, it was the first time that they had ever really touched each other. She was suddenly painfully aware of how close James’s body was to hers. They were sitting side by side, their legs touching and their hands together. A wave of heat washed over her, and she forced herself to meet James’s gaze.   

James, for his part, was trying very hard to keep his emotions in check as well. He grabbed Y/N’s hand without really thinking about what he was doing, in his head it just felt like it was the right thing to do. He held her gaze for a moment before finally speaking again. 

“It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” he said, his voice softer now. Y/N nodded slowly, unable to look away from him. She looked down at their hands again, her lips parted slightly as she searched her head for words.  

“I don’t know...” she finally said, “I don’t know how to feel.” 

“I understand.” he nodded in acknowledgment, “This isn’t what either of us wanted.” He paused for a moment, releasing her hand from his and raking his fingers through his curls.  

“I know the situation is shit and I know that we haven’t spent a lot of time together.” he continued, “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy spending time with you. I mean, like... as a person. I don’t know, maybe if we got to know each other a little better it’ll all be okay.” 

Y/N was taken aback by the way that James spoke so openly and honestly about his feelings. He didn’t sound like the angry person he was the first time they spoke about their marriage. This side of him was entirely different and she liked it. Despite everything that was going on, she felt strangely comforted by the way he was speaking so candidly. 

“I feel the same way. I suppose we don’t really have another option, do we?” said smiled sadly, “I know it’s going to be hard, but I’m sure we can get through this together.”  

“We can always divorce, eh?” James chuckled. Y/N let out a laugh, caught off guard by the way James quickly slipped back into his normal jovial self. 

Over the next few days, Y/N spent most of her time avoiding James’s parents, in hopes that if they put off seeing them for long enough, they might just forget about the wedding all together. The four of them would try and spend as much of the day as they could outside of the house, often wandering down into the town or to the pub. Y/N’s late night conversations with Sirius had become a staple of her stay with the Potter’s and she found herself looking forward to their nightly rituals more over the next few days. She had quickly got used to sneaking down to the kitchen in the early hours of the morning. Their conversations had become increasingly more intimate, though for some reason, she still hadn’t broken the news to him about the date of the wedding.  

That night, she met up with Sirius after everyone else had gone to bed, slipping out of her room and making her way down to the kitchen. The house was silent and still, and she felt a rush of excitement as she laid her eyes on Sirius, him staring back at her with a wide grin.  

“I was wondering when you’d be joining me.” Sirius said calmly. Y/N returned the smile, taking a seat on the counter. Though, tonight, she strayed from her usual spot on the opposite side of the kitchen and sat next time him. 

“You’re quite predictable, you know?” she teased, “the last three nights you’ve been in the kitchen, maybe you ought to start changing it up a little.”  

She adjusted her position on the counter, trying to make herself more comfortable. Sirius smiled back playfully and for a moment, they just sat in companionable silence. Just as it had happened earlier with James, Y/N noticed the way that Sirius’s knee was touching hers. Although, this time she didn’t feel the need to yank it away, she just let it rest against hers.  

“James told me the news.” Sirius stated, “It’s shit.” 

“Yep.” Y/N laughed at his bluntness, “In less than a month I’ll be a married woman.” 

“You don’t like him very much, do you?” 

“It’s not that I don’t like him – I think any girl would be lucky to have him. I mean, he’s lovely and all but...” her voice trailed off. 

“You just don’t like him like that.” Sirius finished for her.  

Y/N hummed in response, her eyes trailing down to where their knees were touching and then back up to Sirius’s eyes. He was looking straight back at her, as if his eyes were searching hers for exactly how she was feeling. The moment felt charged, and she couldn’t bring herself to look away from him. She knew he was waiting for her to say something and she was quickly overcome by a wave of self-consciousness that left her unable to speak.  

After what felt like an eternity, Sirius’s hand inched its way over until it was hovering over her knee. Slowly, but surely, his fingers placed themselves over her own.  The heat between their two bodies was almost unbearable. She could feel her heart racing and she was almost certain that if he listened hard enough he would be able to hear it. Her fingers instinctively tightened around his. 

“I just really don’t know what to do.” she found her voice after a moment, looking up at him.  

Once again, his eyes locked with hers for a moment before they fluttered shut, his body angling towards hers, head tipped down and his lips brushing against her own. Instinctively, his hand reached up to cup her face, thumb stroking across the softness of her cheek. After a moment, she pulled away, her focus on his lips for a fleeting moment before forcing herself to look away. She felt like she had just been electrocuted, feeling dizzy with the rush of emotions. Sirius, for a few moments, looked like he was too stunned to speak. He looked down at their intertwined fingers and quickly drew his away. 

“I should go.” he said, sliding down from the counter. He barely looked at her before swiftly making his way out of the kitchen. Y/N didn’t move, just stared after him as he left, her hands stayed where they were on the counter, her fingertips still tingling from Sirius’s touch. 

They managed to avoid each other for the rest of the week, their brief moment of intimacy being pushed to the back of both of their minds. Y/N was doing her best to avoid thinking about Sirius, and Sirius was trying his best to avoid thinking about Y/N.  

James had spent an awful lot of time by her side over the last few days, and while she appreciated the distraction, every time James spoke to her she got a horrible sick feeling in her stomach. She felt like her heart was being ripped into two, feeling torn between her attraction to Sirius and her engagement to James. 

You’ve seemed off the last few days, is everything alright?” James asked one afternoon as they were sat together in the living room. Y/N looked up from the book that was resting on her lap. 

“I’m fine.” she said, “How come you haven’t gone out with the others?”  

“Remus wanted to go to the pub and I didn’t fancy it.” he shrugged.  

“You’re not just staying here for me, are you?”  

“No.” James laughed, “Not just staying here for you, no. But I would like to be spending time with you.” 

Y/N felt the blood rush to her cheeks and she looked back down at her book, trying to avoid James’s gaze.  

“I’ll be spending a lot of time with you for the rest of my life. Might as well start getting used to it.” he grinned.  

“Hey, mind if I ask you something?” James asked after a few moments of silence. 

“Go ahead.” 

“I was just wondering, if we hadn’t been forced into this whole engagement thing, how do you think you would feel about me?” 

Y/N froze, uncertain of what she should say. She wanted to be honest with him but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Her mind flicked back to the conversation she had had with Sirius and the kiss they had shared. 

“I...” she started hesitantly, her eyes still avoiding James, “It’s hard, isn’t it? Maybe if we had met in another situation it would be different but...” 

“You don’t have to lie to me,” James said, his voice gentle, “I know that none of this was how it was supposed to happen and I know that there are a lot of things about this situation that you don't like, but I think that we could still be happy together.” 

She couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the guilt that suddenly washed over her. Even if they had met under different circumstances, she still wasn’t entirely sure that things would have worked out between them. She just didn’t see James like that. She had tried to ignore it at first, but to her, it just felt like it was a fact that there was no romantic tension between them. But, to say that would be heartbreaking, so instead, she just stayed silent. 

“Y’know, Sirius said I’m mad.” James sighed and Y/N looked at him quizzically, “He thinks I’m daft for trying to find a way out of this marriage. Said I’d be lucky to have a girl as good as you.” 

“He did?” 

“Yeah, he thinks you’re great.” James moved to look at her properly, taking the book from her lap, closing it and placing it on the table so that she was forced to give him her full attention.  

Y/N immediately felt nervous as she met James’s gaze. Her breath caught in her throat, feeling even more vulnerable no that there was no escape. She was forced to look directly at James with no distractions. 

“He’s right as well. Although, don’t tell him I said that because the smug bastard would never let me live it down.” James chuckled. He moved his hand to cup her chin, shifting her face to look at him, “You are great. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re gorgeous. I mean, if the circumstances were different then I feel like-” 

“James, don’t-” 

Before she could finish her sentence, James had leaned forward, his lips colliding with hers. Y/N let out a gasp of surprise. She felt his hand tangling into her hair, the other moving down to her waist. It was like she was stuck, just sat there, allowing James to kiss her. Her body was completely overtaken by confusion.  

“What the fuck.” a voice spoke. 

Both of their heads snapped around to the doorway. Sirius was standing there, arms crossed over his chest, Remus at his side. Sirius’s expression was unreadable, and Y/N quickly pulled away from James, sinking back into her seat. 

“Ah, so this is what you two get up to when we’re not around.” Remus grinned, “No wonder you didn’t want to come to the pub with us.” 

James’s face flushed red and he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, smiling nervously. A hot wave of embarrassment flushed over Y/N and her eyes frantically flicked between James and Sirius. Sirius’s expression didn’t change, and for the first time, she noticed a certain edge to his stare. It didn’t seem like he was going to say anything at all, but he kept his eyes locked on her. 

Y/N didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t tell if she was more angry with herself for letting the kiss happen or embarrassed at the fact that they had been caught. She looked back over to Sirius, his jaw was clenched and any trace of the usual playfulness in his eyes had gone. Without saying anything, Sirius walked away and they heard the faint slamming of his bedroom door.  

“What’s his problem?” James asked.  

“Dunno,” Remus shrugged, “He’s had a few pints. You know what he gets like.” 

That night, Sirius didn’t show at their usual meeting place in the kitchen. Y/N sat and waited patiently, hoping that he would turn up so that she could explain herself to him. She wanted to tell him that it was James that kissed her, that it meant absolutely nothing to her. Her heart sank as the morning light started to stream into the kitchen and she realised that Sirius wasn’t coming.  

For days, the only time that Y/N would see Sirius was when they ran into each other at the table during meals or on the stairs. Sirius avoided her eyes when they passed each other, not even giving her a chance to speak to her before disappearing. She didn’t know what to do. She kept trying to catch his eye whenever she saw him, willing him to look at her, wanting to explain everything. But, every time, she felt as though her words would be meaningless.  

She didn’t even want to see James now. Whenever he tried to talk to her, she would avoid him and go out of her way to prevent being alone with him. It wasn’t James’s fault, and deep-down Y/N knew that.  

One night, as Y/N was on her way upstairs to bed, she ran into Sirius. He was on his way out, taking his coat off the hook in the hallway when she suddenly caught a glimpse of him. She tensed up as he looked at her, scared of what he was going to say, but all he seemed to do was stare, that same cold expression that he wore when he saw her and James kiss.  

Before she could say anything, Sirius turned around, slid on his coat and walked out of the house. Y/N watched him walk away, managing to stop the front door before it slammed shut behind him. Not even bothering to put her coat on, she slipped on her shoes and hastily followed him up the driveway. 

“What are you doing out here? Go back inside, you’ve not even got a coat on. You’ll freeze.” Sirius said bluntly when she managed to catch up to him. 

“I don’t care.” Y/N pressed, “Will you please just speak to me? You’ve been avoiding me for days!” 

“Well, I’m sorry that I don’t feel like speaking to you after I walked in on you kissing my best mate.” 

“I’m engaged to him!” 

“You told me you didn’t love him!” 

“I don’t!” 

“Then why did you kiss him?” 

They were stood facing each other now. The chilly night air nipped at Y/N’s bare skin, making the hair on her arms stand up. She could feel frustrated tears stinging her eyes and she fought hard to hold them in. 

“He kissed me.” Y/N’s voice came out strained, “I wish he didn’t. God, I wish he didn’t. I don’t know why he did it. It just happened. I don’t know – maybe he just wanted to see if there was anything there.” 

“And was there?” Sirius asked, his eyes still cold. 

“Not on my part, no.” Y/N admitted, “Not like there was when you kissed me.” 

Sirius stopped at that. His eyes locked on hers, his expression softening for the very first time. His eyebrows raised slightly, and his frown eased.  

“You mean, the kiss with me really meant something to you?” 

Y/N nodded; a shy smile crept over her face as she thought back to their kiss. The way that Sirius’s lips had felt so different to James’s. Softer, more passionate, it had just felt right in that moment. 

“Of course it meant something to me. I thought it had to you as well,” her smiled faltered for a second, “but then after you left straight away and you avoided me for days. I thought you regretted it. Then the kiss with James happened and...” 

“I did regret it. I regretted it because you’re engaged to my best friend and I'm the bloody fool that decided to fall in love with you.” Sirius’s brows furrowed, “I just felt like I fucked up. God, you’re getting married.” 

Sirius raked a hand through his hair, his head tipped back. He looked up towards the sky, the inky, dark night sprinkled with stars. He sighed and then looked back at her. 

“I just wish we could have met under a different circumstance.” he said sadly, “without everything being so complicated.” 

“Me too.” 

She couldn’t help the aching feeling in her heart. Feeling as if the world was so cruel to throw them together this way. His eyes locked on hers, a deep well of sadness in them. 

“We should go back inside; you’ll catch your death out here.” Sirius said, placing a hand on her arm and trying to guide her back to the house. 

“Where were you going anyway?” she asked, “When you walked out?” 

“God knows.” 

They walked back to the house in silence, the only sound being the creaky stairs as they made their way back to their bedrooms. She could feel the tension in the air, like they both wanted to say something but couldn’t. When they reached the top of the stairs, without saying anything, Sirius placed a gentle hand on her cheek and turned her to face him. 

Gently, Sirius pulled her towards him, sliding one arm around her body so her chest was just brushing against his. His other hand moved up to cup the back of her neck, his fingertips brushing gently against her skin. He pulled her in closer and she tipped her head back to look at him, their lips just inches away from each other. 

He didn’t wait a second longer. His lips found hers, pressing against them as he kissed her deeply. One hand slid down to rest on her waist, the other tangling in her hair, pulling her body flush against his.  

For the first time that night, Y/N wasn’t thinking about all the complications, she was just basking in the moment, happy to feel the electricity between them once again. The kiss was much longer than their last, much more passionate. Y/N ran her fingers through Sirius’s hair. Every inch of her was pulled towards him, desperate to cling onto him. She wanted it to last forever, her arms wrapped around his neck, his body melted against her own, her lips on his. She would have given anything for time to stand still. 

All too soon, the kiss ended. Sirius’s lips moved away from hers. Their breathing was loud in the silence. The two of them stood there for what felt like an eternity, both refusing to look away. 

“What do we do now?” Y/N asked softly. 

Sirius paused before answering, his eyes flicking back down to her lips. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something but no words came out. Instead, he just tilted his head down and kissed her again, sweetly this time. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes if it means I get to do that again.” Sirius whispered, his lips still touching hers. 

“But what about James?”  

Her question brought them both crashing back to reality. Sirius let out a deep exhale as he looked away.  

“Let me worry about that.”  

James was in the kitchen the next morning when Y/N went to get breakfast. Much like herself, he was an early riser and was sat at the kitchen table when she walked in. The golden glow of the sunlight lit up the room, bathing James in its warmth.  

“Morning.” he smiled, looking up at her. His voice was still thick with sleep and his curls were falling messily over his forehead. 

Y/N smiled back despite her stomach churning with anxiety. She had spent most of the night unable to sleep, replaying last night’s events in her mind. Despite James being completely oblivious to what was happening with Sirius, she could barely stomach being in the same room as him. 

James kicked the chair out that was opposite from him, gesturing for her to take a seat. She wanted to refuse, to distance herself from him as much as possible, but she couldn’t.  

“You’ve been avoiding me.” James addressed. She felt her heart immediately drop. Her eyes darted across the room, looking anywhere but back at him. 

“I could say the same.” she retorted. James raised an eyebrow at her and leaned back in his seat. 

“You kissed me.” The words had fallen from her mouth before she had even realised what she was saying.  

“I did.” An amused smile tugged on his lips. Y/N’s stomach heaved at the way he was acting so casually about it. 

“Why did you do it?” 

“To see if we both felt anything.” he shrugged. 

“And did you?”  

“Would it matter if I did?” 

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow at him. He was acting so nonchalant, and it was driving her insane. James just chuckled, amused by her reaction. 

“Let’s suppose I did feel something. Would that affect anything?” he probed. 

Y/N looked away from him again, she was speechless. Her head was reeling from everything that was going on, all the conflicting emotions. A few weeks ago her and James were planning away for them to get out of the engagement, and then he kissed her and now, he seemed unfazed by the whole situation. 

“It wouldn’t.” he answered for her, “Because you didn’t feel anything.”  

For a moment, the whole world seemed to freeze. Her eyes widened, shocked at how blunt he was being with her. She couldn’t deny it. She hadn’t felt anything. He was right and she hated that. 

“Fine.” she admitted, feeling her throat clench up, the words just barely forcing themselves out, “I didn’t feel anything. What were you expecting? That you would kiss me and-” 

“That there would be fireworks and we would both realise that we were actually madly in love with each other?” James said dryly, “I’m not stupid. I don’t know what I was expecting.”  

Y/N sighed and rested her head in her hands. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to process everything that had just been said.  

“I’m a good kisser, right?” he teased, breaking the silence, “I mean, you have to give me that. It wasn’t completely awful, was it?” 

“No, it wasn’t completely awful.” Y/N cracked a smiled for the first time that morning. The atmosphere between them felt lighter. She felt herself relax a little, her smile growing wider. It was nice to be able to laugh a little, even if it was due to the awkwardness of the situation. 

“Did you sort everything out with Sirius?”  

“What?” Y/N spluttered, nearly choking on the intake of breath. 

“C’mon, I’m not thick.” he smiled, “All this ‘you’d be daft not to marry her’ nonsense. He couldn’t make it any more obvious.” 

Y/N’s heart felt like it was beating a million times a minute, the blood pumping through her body as she tried to think of a way to get her out of speaking about Sirius. 

“I didn’t... we didn’t... nothing happened.” she stumbled over her words. It was clear that she was terrible liar because she only managed to keep it up for a few seconds before she let out a massive sigh. 

“You’re the worst liar I have ever met, you know that?” James laughed.  

She sighed again, realising that she had no choice but to come clean. James was right – he wasn’t stupid and his suspicions were spot on. 

“Fine.” she groaned, “We kissed. Twice actually. We’ve met up a few nights, down here and we just chatted and-” 

“You like him.” James said. 

“I like him.”  

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, both of them just stewing in the silence. Y/N tapped her fingers anxiously on the table, trying to think of something to say. 

“I’m sorry.” she decided on. 

“Don’t be sorry.” 

Y/N felt completely lost. He didn’t seem angry, or disappointed. He seemed almost understanding and she couldn’t wrap her head around it. She looked up at him, slightly surprised by his reaction. 

“You don’t care?” she asked incredulously. 

“Nope.” he smiled, “I think I always knew this would happen eventually. I never really believed in the arrangement. I mean, you’re great and I do like you but I don’t really want to marry you and you don’t want to marry me either. So what difference does it make that you like someone else?” 

“But your parents have booked the wedding.” 

“Fuck the wedding. I don’t care.” He said with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Our parents care more about the wedding than we ever could. They’ll get over it. They’ll find someone else for me to marry.” he finished with a laugh. 

Y/N felt like all the weight had been lifted off her shoulders, like she could breathe properly again for the first time in weeks. James was being so mature about the whole situation. She had been worrying for absolutely no reason, convinced that her entire world was about to come crashing down. 

“So, what do we tell our parents?” she asked. 

“Let me figure that out.” James said sitting up straight, “I’ll speak with both sets of parents, and we’ll see where it goes from there. In the meantime, just act normal. They don’t think that there’s anything wrong.” 

Y/N distracted herself while James was speaking to their parents by making her way up to Sirius’s room. She knocked gingerly on his door. He didn’t answer for a few moments but then she heard a shuffling sound and the door creaked open. 

Sirius looked like he had just woken up, his jet black hair slightly tussled but still perfect looking, plaid pyjama bottoms hung low on his hips. Y/N found herself staring at him for a second to long, her eyes scanning over his shirtless torso, taking in the sprinkling of tattoos that she hadn’t seen before. 

“Are you going to come in or are you just going to stare at me all day?” a cocky smirk spread across his lips. He stepped to the side, allowing her to enter his room and shut the door behind her. He leaned back against his bed, his eyes wandering over her, not bothering to conceal the fact that he was watching her as well.  

Neither of them spoke as they drank each other in. Y/N’s eyes darted around the room, noticing for the first time all the little details. The posters that had be messily taped to the wall, the stacks of books by his bed, even the smell of the room, all the subtle hints of him. 

“I told James.” she said, breaking the silence. 

“It’s a bit early to be dropping bombshells like that.” his mouth was curling up at the corner. 

“We don’t all sleep in ‘til noon,” she teased. Sirius just rolled his eyes at her. 

“D’you think I slept at all last night?” he nudged her, “How did he take it?” 

“Better than I expected, actually. He said he knew something was going on between us anyway. Said you spoke... highly of me.” she said, choosing her words carefully. 

“Oh, yeah?” he leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand, eyes sparkling mischievously “What did he say?” 

“That you said he’s daft not to marry me.” 

Sirius snorted in amusement, leaning back on the bed and crossing his arms. 

“I was that obvious, was I?” he laughed, “I guess he’s not as thick as I thought he was.” 

“I think it was more obvious when you stormed off when you walked in on him kissing me.” she joked. The pair of them laughed at the thought of Sirius’s dramatic exit. “He didn’t seem bothered at all. I mean, we both agreed that this engagement was stupid. It’s just an excuse for our parents to get involved in our lives. There’s no real reason for us to get married.” 

“So, what now?” he rested one of his hands on her thigh, “the marriage is off, I’m assuming. So, what’s the plan – we run away into the sunset together?” 

“In a perfect world, I would love to do just that, but we both know it’s not going to be that easy.” her smile faded slightly, “James is breaking the news to our parents. God knows what he’s going to tell them.”  

“Well, I suppose we just have to wait and see.” 

He pulled her towards him, letting her head rest on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, embracing her properly for the first time. She felt like she melted into him, simply just existing in his arms. Sirius rand a hand down her arm, taking her hand in his and bringing it up to his lips. He pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles, letting it linger for a few seconds. 

Every sense of her body seemed to come alive all at once. The scent of his skin mingling with the like smell of his cologne, the sound of his breath and the feel of his gentle touch running over her skin. She felt herself get lost in the moment, forgetting the past and ignoring the future. For now, she felt content. 

[boxofthings]

got any roach-centric fic recs? like idc the pairing, ghostroach/soaproach/ghostsoaporach any thats roach focused plzz

*cracks knuckles* I GOTCHU ANON this is my time to shine

If anyone wants to reply with their own pls do!

(These are in no particular order)

GhostRoach:

i left my heart in the mountains (right next to yours)

I'm going to want you 'til the stars evaporate

and here i stand (in the dirt with you)

These are all by Santihan and ugghh these were the fics that pulled me back from my near decade-long ghostroach obsession sabbatical. Well-written, emotional, they are amazing, my favs, I will rec these til I die (the first two are painful :'))

Things That Burn by abel_obel

Such a good one, I always go back to this when I'm in a ghostroach mood. Good ol' classic person A gets injured and person B freaks out

Roach Wouldn't Really Do It...

Exhaustion's a Funny Thing

Both by tinyduckies! Def read the TWs for the first one, but arghhh, I go back to these ones a lot!. I really like how the first one's more realistic/gritty when it comes to the aftermath of surviving Loose Ends

Second one's just a lovely depiction of Ghost and Roach's dynamic. Loved the banter and the second chapter ends real sweetly :)

The Barracks: Part 2

Ulterior Motives

Both by doberman, these two are much longer fics (which ghostroach is in desperate need of) and are such interesting reads!!

The first one is an AU that takes place in a pub with Ghost being his repressed, unhealthy self, and Roach coming in as the new co-worker to sweep him off his feet lol

The second one is ongoing and takes place slightly after MWII with Ghost meeting Roach outside of deployment

Sovereign by Applescone

God, this one really puts me in an introspective mood. It's so well-written and just feels so grounded and human. Takes place years after Loose Ends, with Ghost and Roach rekindling their relationship whilst dealing with the complications of Shepherd's betrayal and death

我给你早在你出生前多年的一个傍晚看到的一朵黄玫瑰的记忆 by Alex_Upshur

Ok I know this is in Chinese, but just use a translator like I did and yeah, while it won't be as accurate as the author wrote it, it's still a really lovely fic and i adore it :') A lil bittersweet look into the 141's lives and sweet moments with Ghost and Roach <3

Of Doubts and Dreams (Retold)

The Hook Up

All written by Call_Of_Booty, an og ghostroach author from wayyy back during the og trilogy (and ff.net) days. The first one's a rewrite of one of their old fics and it focuses on Roach and Ghost's dynamic up until the night before Loose Ends.

Second one's about Roach deciding to leave the SAS whilst he and Ghost have complicated feelings for eachother due to past hookups. Both great reads!

Distance Makes the Heart Pissed Off by krwaken

I'm sure every GhostRoach shipper knows this one lol. A lovely 200k word slowburn of these two <3

Fear & Delight by EpiKatt

Hornet's Nest with more GhostRoach :))

Tell Me Why This Has to End by Feral_Raccoon

ANGST :( Post-Loose Ends. Ending broke me haha

and you wrote your name / right there next to mine by cheese_n_crack

more Loose Ends angst :( A bittersweet ending with Ghost and Roach looking at the stars in their final moments

You'll Get Sick Anyways by ghostslefttit

Very short, but very cute lil fic with Ghost taking care of a sick Roach :))

If We Crash (I Hope We Do) by mintyiecat

Man I can't even begin to describe how much I love this one. Portrays Ghost and Roach's relationship post-loose ends where Roach is now a civilian. Loved how the author depicted their relationship as not flawless. Felt very human and raw. Very sweet ending :)

GhostSoapRoach

Something in the Orange by fixfoxnox

Y'all been knew this would be on here lol

Follows Roach's pov where he's been reincarnated into the reboot timeline with all his memories from his old life and him trying to make his way back to Ghost. This one makes me sad as hell. Has all the feels :')

Something in the Orange by insomniamemoirs & RandomWordsAndStormyDays

Funny how my top two GSR fics are named the same thing, but hey, they're both amazing. I was apprehensive because of the "calling Soap Roach by accident" trope, however they really diverted my expectations and made these three really feel like equals in a relationship. Really love how they made sure to establish a strong dynamic between Soap and Roach instead of pitting them against each other. And Roach isn't just some 2D character here, he's very nuanced and I love it!

Freezing Waters by AmphibianEft

Sweet fic of Roach getting injured and Soap and Ghost freaking out and taking care of him

Stress Relief by Anonymous

Just Soap and Ghost taking care of Roach after Hornet's Nest (smut) :)

SoapRoach

Leg Day by tinyduckies

Good ol' smut lol (09 soaproach mm)

Everything That Isn't Said by pajamabees

More 09 smut

Taste by fixfoxnox

Just 3.5k words of Roach wanting to kiss his captain :)

fall for me by punishervest

Just a sweet moment between 09 Soap and Roach with Soap reminiscing on his past with Price but also considering how he wants something more with Roach <3

She (Means Everything To Me) by mylareading

Just 1.9k words of Soap being down bad for Roach (super sweet)

Roanig (Roach x Konig)

I Really Like The Way You Stare At Me by turqu0ise

The fic that introduced me to roanig <3 Just a cute fic focusing on the development of their relationship

Subatomic by tinyduckies

Another nice fic focused on the development of their relationship. Loved the interactions they had in this :)

These are the ones I have so far! I'm sure later on I can add to the list, and if anyone wants to reply with their own feel free :)

I've also been made aware there are Keegan/Roach fics, but I haven't gotten around to reading them yet, but def check out their tag anon! Hope this was an adequate rec list haha

[jinnie-ret]

ok but imagine chans sister comes to visit the boys and gets attacked by saesangs. comfort from chan as well as his own guilt that it happened?? while the boys do their best to fix everything and make it okay? my love for angsty fics is really showing damn

cold water

stray kids x reader (platonic)

genre: angst, angst, and more angst

content warnings: saesangs, violence, drowning

word count: 3.3k

summary: when chan's sister pays the boys a visit in Seoul, during their S-CLASS mv shooting, no one could have expected the day to end the way it would.

Thank you so much for this request! I've been trying to write it for the past couple of days because this idea instantly popped into my head, I hope it fulfills the angst you've been looking for!

As always, like, reblog if you enjoyed, and my asks are open for any requests you may have. And let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post :)

MAIN MASTERLIST

Y/N was glad to finally settle down in Seoul after her flight from Sydney. She was excited to see Bang Chan again, it had been a while as she hadn't been able to fly over with Hannah and go to their concerts, too busy with her school work. You see, Y/N always dreamed of being a director, and so when Chan had offered her to come watch them film their newest music video for their upcoming title track, S-CLASS, she couldn't deny his offer. Especially since he had promised that it would be a new experience for not just her, but for him and the rest of the boys too.

And boy was he right. If you had asked Y/N if she was going on a nighttime shoot, on a boat, in the middle of Han River, she would have laughed in your face, but her brother was big time now, and as much as she'd tease him and deny it, she was proud of Bang Chan. He even managed to get a comment along those lines from her earlier in the day.

"Y/Nnie, aren't you proud of your big bro?" Chan bounced around happily, excited for his younger sister to be staying with them, shaking her shoulders at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah," she rolled her eyes, unable to hide her growing smile as she stood in the entrance of the dorms he shared with Changbin, Han, and Hyunjin.

Speaking of, they all appeared, hearing the commotion of their leader and someone else.

"Woah, is that you, Y/N? You've grown!" Han patted her head as he greeted her.

"Not by much," she laughed, ducking away when the head pats turned into borderline hair ruffling, and no one touches her hair.

"Who knows, maybe you'll be taller than Changbinnie!" Hyunjin laughed.

"There's no way, Y/N got the small genes too, just like me and Hannah, Lucas is the only one who is tall out of us siblings," Chan sighed.

"It's so annoying. We're twins. He's got height to spare, why couldn't he give me some of it?" Y/N whined, causing Chan to laugh at her.

"Ah, join us on the dark side Y/N," Chan gestured to him and the other 2 members of 3RACHA.

"I'm in a dorm full of shorties," Hyunjin shook his head.

"Surprise, shawtyyyy," Y/N did some jazz hands, causing Han and Chan to laugh because they got the reference.

"Anyways let's drop your bags off in the spare room, then we can grab something to eat and head to the shoot, yeah?" Chan suggested as he picked up Y/N's luggage and carried it with him.

"Sounds good to me," Y/N nodded as she followed along.

Best. Dinner. Ever.

Bulgogi. Fried chicken. Kimchi. It was a proper feast. Although, the boys didn't have too much as they said they didn't want to feel bloated during the shoot, and they'd probably get some more food later. Y/N wouldn't be able to turn down that offer too, especially since her brother was paying for it all.

"So how old are you now, Y/Nnie?" Seungmin asked as she traveled with the other boys to their shoot.

"I'm 17," Y/N replied, the boys letting out noises of surprise.

"I remember when we debuted, you were only 12!" Felix gasped.

"Well, times have changed haha, it's been like 5 years, you know, you guys have been doing this for a small while now," Y/N pointed out. Of course she wasn't going to be a child forever.

"That makes me feel old," Lee Know sighs, throwing his head back against the headrest in the car.

"Well, you are the oldest one in here hyung," Jeongin patted his shoulder condescendingly.

"Yah! Our driver hyung is older than me!" Lee Know replied, turning around and staring daggers at his youngest member.

Y/N couldn't help but giggle at the interactions they had. She was glad her brother was surrounded by such good people. She knew he had found it tough before when he saw his other trainee friends debut, not fully realising how isolating that must have been until a few years ago now.

"You know, you're pretty cool, Chris," Y/N stared in awe at the boat they were about to board.

"Thanks, sis," he wrapped her in a small side hug, not teasing her this time yet still having a bashful expression on his face.

They all boarded the boat, staff, crew, members. Not realising the two suspicious hooded figures following them on and instantly hiding. In fact, Y/N thought she saw something out of the corner of her eye, jolting around so suddenly she caught the attention of Chan once more.

"You good?" he raised an eyebrow at her, looking around now also.

"Thought I saw something... it's probably nothing," Y/N brushed it off.

"It's probably jet lag," Chan guessed, and Y/N nodded along anyways. It had been a long flight over, and she was feeling her energy slowly drop. Yet that didn't stop her from eagerly trying to pick up every detail of the shoot, from the camera angles, to how many takes it took the boys on different scenes, and to other unseen aspects of the shoot.

"So let me get this right, they're going to CGI a massive octopus in?" Y/N said with wide eyes, wondering why it would be there.

"Yeah, and?" Felix shrugged.

"And Seungmin is going to dance next to it for some reason?" Y/N clasped her hands behind her back.

"So?" Han shrugged. These sorts of ideas weren't really anything out of the ordinary for them.

"That's sick!" Y/N cheered in English, making the boys jump from her sudden mood change they witnessed, thinking she was criticising what was happening at first. They now understood she was just an excitable girl.

She had been diligently taking down notes on her phone the whole time, taking photos also. The crew had been worried at first that she'd reveal spoilers for the filming, but Chan reassured them all that Y/N was a good kid and she wouldn't do anything like that.

"Hey, Chris, is there a toilet on here?" two girls crouched on a lower part of the boat heard Y/N ask her brother. Of course they recognised the girl when they snuck on earlier. They were fans before their likes turned to obsessions, so of course they knew that Y/N was Chan's sister.

"Just downstairs one and to the left," they heard Chan reply and had to hide their squeals. Maybe if they saw Y/N, they could pretend to be best friends with her and then get closer to Chan. And then, once they got closer to Chan, they could become closer with the other members too.

Delusion was a disease.

Y/N put her phone torch light on as she headed down one flight of stairs and entered the bathroom, a light flickering on instantly. She went to enter a cubicle before a bright light shined in her face and left her wincing and feeling startled.

In reality, it was the two saesang girls' best bet in getting away before they were caught. And they didn't even feel bad for what they did. It's not like they went to the extremes of using a laser.

"Ah," Y/N winced as she rubbed her eyes, but she ignored it and soon returned upstairs.

"Are you ok? You look a bit disoriented," Hyunjin checked on the younger girl as he took a break, getting his hair and clothes touched up and adjusted.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just, a bit, I don't know," Y/N didn't know what else to say. She had a bad feeling now, swearing she had heard some giggles and footsteps running away from her after she was temporarily blinded.

"Is being on the boat all too much?" Seungmin asked, feeling bad for the girl who looked dazed.

"Hey, Y/N, why don't you take a moment, yeah, I know all the cameras and lights can be a bit overwhelming," Chan came over as soon as he heard the tone difference in the voices of his group.

"Ok, I'll just be round that corner, I'm going to look out at the river," Y/N told him, receiving a satisfied nod in response as she walked off. Perhaps all she needed really was just a breather. Yes, all the set and ideas were amazing, but it was very fast paced. What happened to their song, 'My Pace'?

Y/N giggled to herself, looking out at the water before she heard people approach her from behind.

"Chris, I still need some time-"

"Ah, so you are his sister..." one of the girls, looking around 20 years old, and staring down Y/N.

"Oh, are you staff here? Sorry, Chris, umm, Chan said it was okay to come down here, but I can move if-"

"No, why don't you stay?" the other girl evily smiled.

"Well, if you're sure..." Y/N nodded and turned back towards the water, before her head was yanked back and she fell to the floor of the boat with a thud.

"Hey!" Y/N shouted, but her mouth was instantly covered.

"You're going to give us exactly what we want, isn't that right?" a harsh voice whispered into her ear with gritted teeth. But Y/N shook her head pleadingly, not wanting to be caught up in anything violent.

"Stupid!" she was slapped across the face, letting out a whimper from the pain before she was pinned to the ground.

"Listen here, you little bitch. You may think you're living the high life as Chan's sister but you've got it all wrong. Now, you're going to walk back up there with and introduce us properly to that lovely brother of yours, pretend we got lost down here, just two staff members gone missing," a girl squeezed her wrists tight as Y/N couldn't move from her position.

"Ow, shit. Get off!" Y/N struggled in their grip, feeling terrified. This is certainly not what she expected when she came to visit her brother for an innocent work experience trip.

"Do it, now," they hauled her up and pushed her back towards where everyone else was working.

"I don't have to do anything you tell me. I'll just call the police and-" Y/N bravely began as she held up her phone but it was soon knocked out of her hands, and sink into the depths of the Han River.

"Oops," a girl innocently giggled.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Y/N shouted loudly, loud enough that she would be heard by the others, particularly her older brother who was due to go down and check on her because he thought she had been taking too long.

"Some may say that," the two girls cackled maniacally amongst themselves, like it was the best inside joke in the world.

"That was my phone! It had everything on it! I need it!" Y/N shouted once more, Chan, Lee Know and Changbin's footsteps becoming more rushed now. The other two immediately joined Chan on the way when they too heard the shouting.

Y/N had a pair of hands wrapped around her throat, the other unoccupied as the owner of them smirked and simply whispered.

"Aw, you better go get it then."

In a split second, Chan and the rest of the hyung line watched as Y/N was hurled over the edge of the boat, screaming as she fell before a splash was heard.

"Y/N!!!" Chan screamed in complete and utter panic. It was dark, it was cold, and now his sister was forced to try and stay afloat in such freezing temperatures like the waters of Han River.

"Are you crazy?!" Lee Know yelled at the two girls, who were excited to see the boys, not realising the consequences of their actions.

"Y/N!!! Y/N!!! Can you hear me?!" Chan heartbreakingly yelled as he looked over the edge of the boat railings and tried to see the head of his sister pop up.

Y/N felt her airways open before she cold help it. Ice cold water, working its way through her body as it traveled to her lungs and caused her to let out muffled pleas for help, trying to swim to the surface.

"Somebody get help! Someone fell in the water!!" Changbin used his loud voice to his advantage as he signalled the emergency crew with a lifeboat to drop down into the water and try and find Y/N.

"No, no, no, I can't believe this, no..." Chan whimpered, hands clenching onto the railing so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.

"Chan, it's ok, they'll find her," Felix had come up behind him, trying to calm him down even though he himself was feeling the exact same way. All of the boys were. There was anger, there was panic, there was... grief too. Nothing had been confirmed, but the what ifs flying through everyone's minds had killed the thoughts in their brains telling them that there was still a chance.

"I can't see her!!! I can't see her!!!" Chan paced, running his fingers through his hair as he cried. He cried so hard. The members couldn't remember the last time they saw their leader like this. But he was a family man, through and through. He'd do anything to protect those around him, especially those close to him.

"Get rid of these girls!" Han lead over some staff members to the two saesangs who had been stood starstruck the whole time Lee Know cussed them out, only infuriating him more.

"Y/N!" Hyunjin tried.

"Y/Nnie!" Seungmin tried.

"Y/N!" Jeongin tried.

They all tried calling her but there was no luck so far. The boat had been deployed into the river and it had bright lights reflecting off of the water, hoping to catch sight of Y/N.

"I should have protected her! I promised her!" Chan angrily pointed out towards the water, tears continuously falling as his members wrapping him in their arms comfortingly and trying to keep him calm

"Y/N! I see her! To the right! She's there!" Lee Know yelled down at the boat operators, who quickly jumped into action as they grabbed the shivering girl, trying to make sure she was breathing as they transported her onto land, where the boys on the boat were now pulling in too.

Y/N didn't remember much of what happened. Her body slowly became more and more numb, yet it carried her to the surface of the water, where she fortunately was floating on her back. She coughed and spluttered, and it seemed to let her breathe with a bit more improvement. Or maybe it was when she was wrapped in a foil blanket, hearing shouts of her name and feeling the rocking of a boat as she was moved somewhere.

The ground felt flat. But she couldn't mistake the warmth of her brother, even in her haziness.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you, my Y/Nnie. I won't let anyone come near you ever again, I'll protect you. Chris is sorry, Y/N," Chan cried as he held his sister tightly against him, wrapping the blanket tighter around her and not caring about the discomfort he felt from sitting down in his tight leather trousers. Tears rolled down his cheeks, the other members gathered around and looking shaken up too, hands over there mouth or a supportive hand on Chan's shoulder.

"Please, can we pause the filming? I need to make sure she's ok," Chan pleaded with the staff, who immediately and wordlessly nodded at him, feeling incredibly upset themselves at what had happened. They had seen the brightness in the girl's eyes, when she asked them questions about how things worked and why they did them.

"We're all here for you, hyung," Changbin kneeled down next to Bang Chan and wrapped an arm around his shoulder at the same time. He knew how tough Chan could be on himself, and this was going to eat him up for weeks, maybe even years.

Y/N coughed, becoming aware of her surroundings and momentarily thrashing around before a gentle voice calmed her in an instant.

"Y/N, I've got you love, I've got you yeah, you're ok, you're alive," Chan tried not to let his voice break as he squeezed her tighter in his arms.

"The, girls, pushed, couldn't breathe," Y/N spluttered, her words coming out jumbled as flashes of the situation that just happened flushed through her mind.

"Sssh, sssh, I know, I know, but you're safe now, yeah?" Chan did his best to reassure her and stop her mind from going into overdrive, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Sir, we should really call get her to a hospital, she may have secondary drowning. We can't risk anything."

Within a heartbeat Chan was nodding, medics coming over as she was lifted into the back of an ambulance, and now, instead of Y/N, he was the one who was frozen.

"Hyung, come on, you need to go with her, we'll follow behind," Felix ushered him to stand.

"She... she nearly..." Chan spoke in disbelief, not wanting to finish his sentence as reality hit him hard like a truck.

"But she didn't," Lee Know said firmly, "go with her," he pushed him towards the ambulance.

Chan sat numbly in the ambulance, hand holding his little sister's, the youngest Bahng. What would his parents say? He had failed them, failed Y/N, failed his duty as an older brother. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even realise they had arrived at the hospital, and Y/N seemed to be more with it than before as she was being carted out the back of the ambulance.

"No, wait, Chan, I want my brother," Y/N whimpered as he went out of her sight, trying to tell the paramedics that she needed him. The other members had arrived too but she needed only one person with her.

"Hyung, we're here now, she needs you," Jeongin drags his oldest hyung out of the ambulance towards Y/N.

Chan stayed with her until she was discharged. He had no second thoughts to any news articles that would be dispatched, or what the company would say. All that was running through his mind was family, family, family.

"Chris?" Y/N weakly said from her bed. Well, it wasn't her bed technically. It was the one that belonged to the spare room in the dorms. She laid there wondering why this had to happen to her. If it wasn't for those saesangs...

"What is it? You need something to eat? Are you in pain?" Chan fussed over her.

"It's not your fault," Y/N whispered. Her quiet words shattered something in Chan's heart.

"Don't," he shook his head.

"I know that look, Chris, just don't blame yourself. It was those girls. You didn't push me into the river," Y/N spoke quietly, trying to make eye contact with her brother but he couldn't even look her in the eyes.

"Don't talk about it!"

"Look at me!" Y/N shouted, putting all her effort into using her voice and causing her to start coughing.

This made Chan go into high alert as he sat her up and patted her back instantly, like it was habit, just as he would have done when he first held her at the age of ten.

"I need you, Chris, please don't get lost in your own head, I need you here with me," Y/N teared up, and Chan knew that she didn't mean physically being there. This was a whole other matter.

"I'm sorry, it's okay, Y/Nnie, I'm here," Chan hugged her tightly, feeling her relax.

"I can't stop thinking about it," Y/N cried, shoulders shaking.

"This should have never happened to you," Chan wiped her tears gently.

"I promise you, you will never come to any harm again, ok? Me and the boys, we'll help you recover, we'll take care of you. No one will ever hurt you again, Y/Nnie, I swear."

tagged: @skz-streamer @oo-li

[tobiospoiltmilk]

I love you, I’m sorry.

—

summary. in which megumi could not handle avoiding you anymore. apologizing to you by letter, given he could not face you in such circumstances. could this also be an accidental confession?

cw(?). sfw, swearing, !megumi x !femreader, mentions of tsumiki, gojo and your !sister, slight angst, fluff, not proofread, terrible capitalization, reminiscing, reciprocal feelings, childhood friends, mutual pining, things not being casual, lyric/title name mentions (i love you, im sorry, casual, kaleidoscope.), basically megumi is so in love with reader his heart hurts and yearns for her

a/n. omg guys i love this so much agdydhdhsj… very first post so i hope this does well! might consider releasing pt. 2 if it does -sob-

Dear Y/n,

It’s me, Megumi. And before you decide to throw this thing out, or whatever it’s supposed to be… hear me out. Please. I know I haven’t been the greatest to you these past weeks. i’ve been a total jerk, and i’m guessing it really wasn’t a secret now, was it? Yeah… whatever, anyways. I guess i’d like to tell you that i’m sorry. I really, truly am… and i know i don’t seem the type to apologize, but i guess when it comes to you, apologies come easy. Because you deserve every damn apology in the world, and if i had one wish given to me, I wouldn’t… hesitate to use it on you. I don’t know what i’d wish for, but i do know that no matter what, it would always regard to you. When it comes to you, I’m selfish, i guess…? Please don’t make fun of me. i’m only trying to make things right. Not that i should have a say in that right now… because I know i’ve hurt you deeply, i don’t deserve your forgiveness nor your kindness, but yet, some part in my heart believes that you’ll forgive me anyway. No matter what shit, twisted way i had caused pain in your precious life.

Remember when we first met? We were both as tiny as we would ever be in our lives— so pure, (not really applying to me.) You were taking one of those daily afternoon naps like usual, and unbeknownst to you, a tiny me would be lounging around in your own family’s estate— with the exception of a loud and rowdy Gojo speaking to your sister, of course. I remember when you finally woke up, and i got to see that glass face of yours for the first time. you were 8, i was 7. Yet you looked so beautiful with that droopy and puffy post-afternoon nap face of yours. We played til’ evening in the courtyard that very same day. It’s not like you forced me to play dolls with you, i actually kind of enjoyed it… only because you were my playmate. i just wish Tsumiki would’ve been there when Gojo first took me in from those dreading streets. Yes, i was a grumpy little toddler with somehow the ability to summon a specific arrangement of creatures, you never questioned anything about it. An 8 year old like you, and a 7 year old like me, should have no reason to know anything about curses or techniques at our age. it was so cruel, and although you were older than me by a year, i still felt the need to protect every fibre and aspect of your existence. An existence i hold very dear to my heart, every damn night.

Remember our middle school days? Yes, where my grumpiness piqued at an all time high, a burning flame that threatened to burst if not carefully dealt with. I was considered a delinquent— no, i was a delinquent. It’s no use trying to defend that title, anyway. I beat up kids left and right, totally abused my gifted strength to terrorize other bullies and jerks who were entitled to popularity. Hey, atleast i only went after the bad people, haha? Nonetheless, you never considered me a bully, or a bad person. That sweet, little mind of yours thought that little 12 year old me could never do anything wrong. Yet you know every action i did proved you so wrong. You watched from afar as i would beat up several kids above grades older than me at once in an old, abandoned baseball field. A small smile on your face, sat prettily on a bench with your friends while happily eating away at your bento your sister made for you every day for school. And during recess, while i was being the usual grumpy jerk that i was, you’d somehow find away to cheer me up. One day, when things got so bad i almost lashed out on Tsumiki, you were there to comfort me. Your small little hands wrapped around my arm, rambling on about how your day went as if being this close of a proximity was casual in anyway. It immediately snapped me out of whatever bullshit show i was about to put on against Tsumiki’s teasing. Part of me hoped—no, wished the way you were with me wasn’t casual, was it casual?—

—You and Tsumiki were the bestest of friends, given you both were the same age. I loved seeing you bond together, even if i never made an effort to show my appreciation. In conclusion… i was never really necessarily a good person in my life, but during the years you were gone— two years, i’ve managed to learn how to calm down the raging fire burning within my heart. i would think about you and Tsumiki when things would get tough. Whether it be controlling my emotions, or when i’m somehow losing a battle against a curse a slight grade level above me. I always won, thoughts filled with the both of you. Minus the injuries. The most important people in my life. Someday i’ll be able to thank you for your help, and in another life, Tsumiki.

Those days you were absent from my life, i spent reminiscing our greatest memories. Not one memory have i forgotten that the two of us shared. And the one that stuck the most in my head, was the one spent at the hospital when we were 9 and 10, waiting outside the comatose room where your dearest sister lay. You were crying into your small little arms, wailing and mourning for your sister’s comfort yet you knew she wouldn’t be available right now. All you wanted was for her to wake up, why wasn’t she waking up? Your 10 year old brain asked yourself. I watched as you wept from the chair beside you, peeking to see those glossy tears falling from those God-gifted eyes of yours from under your wrapped arms, hugging your small frame. My heart ached so much for you, i swear i was going through heart murmurs at that moment. Little 9 year old me had no idea how to comfort someone… because i was never really familiar with comfort to begin with. The only solution that appeared in my young mind… was to share my red bean stuffed panda bun with you. And so that’s exactly what i did. My small, yet experienced hands immediately got to work, reaching into my little side bag to search for the familiar wrapping on mind. Once in my grasp, i carefully tore the packaging, revealing a wonky, yet delicious red bean stuffed panda bun still warm and ready to eat. Yet instead of stuffing it inside my small little stomach in 4 bites, i tore it in half, not the most symmetrical halves, but it still did the job. And with that, i reached out to give a little tap on your bony shoulder, snapping you out of your sobs as you turned to me with puffy, red cheeks stained with raw tears. I proceeded to (nonchalantly) hand you the other half of my red bean stuffed panda bun— I gave you the bigger side, of course. You deserved it more than anything. Oh the butterflies i felt in my jittery stomach when i finally saw that sad face of yours light up in appreciation and excitement. Especially when your precious smile was caused by little ol’ me. It was safe to say, that we both happily indulged in our savoury snack that day. Not to forget, I also remember Gojo taking us out for ice cream the same day. I wasn’t proud that it cheered you up more than my attempt, but as long as you’re happy, i guess.

When I saw you the first time in 2 years at the Sister School Games Event, i swore my heart stopped beating in 3 exact intervals. I saw a kaleidoscope of bursting colours grow within my blurry vision as i tried fathom if it was really you or not, but that radiant aura of yours that you carry was so igniting, i knew i wasn’t mistaken. It was you, you, you, you. Where did you go, and why did you leave me with no closure? I know i have no place to say whether i’m mad at you or not— in fact, i was more mad at myself than i was at you. I was mad at myself for letting you go so easily, without even trying to reach out to you when your clan sent you away to become a sorcerer at Kyoto Jujutsu Tech. Who were you to leave me behind for so long, only to come back happy as ever, like nothing ever happened? Not that i’m… complaining, obviously…— After those 2 years, you had become even stronger than you were before. Stronger than me, in all honesty. It was hard to admit the fact you were a higher grade level than i was at first, but i’m happy for you regardless. I remember those days when i was the one to protect you from mosquitoes and critters hungry for your precious, sweet blood whenever we’d play outside in your courtyard. 7 year old me, and 8 year old you, were practically inseparable. You loved my divine dogs so much, some days i’d think you only hung out with me to chase them around with mud all over your clothes. You always assured me that you ‘loved’ me more though, if that was casual. I don’t know.

Now… back to what i was saying at the start.

I love you, and I’m sorry.

-To my dearest Y/n L/n.

From Megumi Fushiguro.

a/n. LET ME KNOW IF U ENJOYED IT ?? 😔

and once again, i might consider releasing pt.2 of reader responding/reacting to the letter! who knows, maybe you’ll even spill out some confessions… wink wink.

[deathbxnny]

YQ's Mother Requestor Anon here! [Figured it's probably time I say that...]

Since people want a happy ending/alternate for the JY executes YQ's Mother request, I'm here to deliver! So the happy ending is that an older version of YQ makes a deal with the Aeon of Finality Terminus [Who theoretically can travel though and back in time] and becomes Terminus' Emanator in exchange of saving his mother/placing her body in hibernation to heal and regenerate.

But where exactly? Well, none other than Mr. Luocha's coffin! Older!YQ happens to be the person that Luocha promised so he has to run this errand and delivered the coffin to the Luofu, quite the plot twist don't you think?

How YQ's Mother!Reader awakens is at the Stellaron crisis, thanks to the overflowing power of the Stellaron that sped her recovery.

And oh yeah, they don't know it was Future!YQ that made it all happen until the Current!YQ does so, effectively a time loop/paradox.

[I hope ppl like this ending ^w^]

-----♡

A/N: Hello anon! Thank you for this phenomenal request! I love it! Also I'm sorry for the wait, I'm admittedly kinda burnt out with hsr haha, but anyhow, I hope this will be okay!

(OG Post to this here.)

Content: Angst, mentions of reincarnation, time travel, good ending, hurt/comfort, mentions of past death of reader, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns, but is reffered to as Yanqing's mother!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

Yanqing found out about what happened to his mother on complete accident. He had overheard it one night on his birthday, where Jing Yuan drunkenly told his brother how much he regretted everything he had done to them. And especially to poor Yanqing, who had to grow up without his dear mother. What made it even worse, was the realisation, that his mentor was his father all along.

Yanqing wasn't the same afterwards, as he began looking for any information he could find on what happened. He quickly learned that his entire life was a lie and it hurt. It hurt so much, that it nearly killed him from the heartbreak. And the trust he had in his mentor, or father to be exact, was completely gone.

When he confronted Jing Yuan about this, the man only sunk deeper into his depression, his fears finally becoming his reality. He explained everything to Yanqing and didn't stop him from leaving afterwards, as he knew he deserved to be left by his own son as punishment. Jing Yuan knew it would happen and eventually just accepted his fate, until he resigned from his duties altogether due to the heartbreak.

Yanqing on the other hand, was determined to find a way to bring his family back together. And after making a deal with the Aeon of Finality and becoming an Emanator, he was finally able to achieve his goals and turn back time. He didn't know if it would work, but he also just wanted to see his mother and father happy again. So he accepted his fate, as time turned back and everything went into action.

Back in the past, a certain merchant doctor was hauling around a coffin through the crowd of scared citizens, researchers and guards. He was mildly annoyed, mainly due to having been stuck somewhere earlier and only getting out through a cloud night and a mysterious man, but alas, he finally made it to his destination. The young man he spoke to regarding the delivery, told him to bring it to the general of the Xianzhou Luofu, something that did confuse Luocha a little at first. But he didn't care enough to question it either.

Setting down the coffin infront of some confused guards and a young blonde boy, who looked equally as baffled, the merchant simply asked for his pay and left. Yanqing asked a couple guards to get his mentor, as he carefully inspected the coffin in thought. He couldn't recall any mention of it and couldn't think of a reason for it's existence either. Jing Yuan seemed to share the same sentiment, as he and Yanqing shared a confused look.

The coffin was brought into a different room away from everyone, so that the two could have a closer look at it without endangering anyone. As Yanqing and Jing Yuan talked about what possibly could be it's purpose, the lid suddenly moved. Both of them jumped at this, a couple guards immideatly drawing their swords alongside Yanqing, who were halted by the general. They were all suspicious of it, as it arrived very closely after the Stellaron incident and were sick of surprises today.

But it seemed like life was in for more drama, when the lid began lifting again and a hand weakly reached out, as a soft voice asked for help. A voice Jing Yuan immideatly recognised. All colour left his face, as he stumbled forward in panic and pushed the entire lid fully off. Yanqing gasped in surprise at his mentors sudden action, quickly reaching his side with his swords to make sure nothing hurts him. But what he saw in the coffin, made him freeze.

It was you, Jing Yuan just knew it was. Especially when he cradled you close to his chest and let his apologies flow out of his mouth endlessly. He didn't know how this was possible or why you were back, but he just wanted to hold you. You were still quite weak and could only weakly hold onto him too, gently telling him that it was okay, before your eyes fell onto Yanqing. You immideatly knew who he was and gave him a smile, gently asking him to come closer. He was confused, asking Jing Yuan who you were, which made you answer for him.

You were his mother. The person he had only heard stories of. Who's death was never explained to him. He didn't know how to feel, just letting you hug him and it somehow felt familiar. Like he just knew you were telling the truth through the hug alone. Jing Yuan then told him the truth about everything. It was the first time Yanqing saw him so weak and emotional, practically begging for you both to forgive him.

The boy was confused and felt even a little betrayed for a moment, but was stopped by you gently telling him that it was okay. That it might take a moment for you to trust him again, but that you're just happy to have your family together again. And Yanqing supposed that for the beginning, he'd accept that too.

It was ultimately unknown how you were able to reincarnate and with time, you three decided to just forget it and live out your life's as the family you deserved to be.

-----♡

A/N: Okay so this was a long one... I hope it was okay, because I'm not only really burnt out, but also horribly sleep deprived, so I can only pray that any of this is coherent. Thank you again for the request Anon!<33

[yuzuocha]

𝚢𝚞·𝚣𝚞·𝚘·𝚌𝚑𝚊 | ユズオチャ

noun

1. a type of citrus tea that originated from China and is now also widely produced and consumed in Japan and Korea.

2. the owner of this ridiculous blog.

‣ about me

hi there and welcome to my primarily sfw blog! i am yuzuocha but call me yuzu :D

they/them

日本語/한국어/ENG

i write mainly for love and deepspace, but there might be some other fandom content here and there (i.e. project sekai)

this is a fic, art and incorrect quotes blog that is 16+! while i know i can't prevent under 16 folks from reading, content here can get freaky.

INBOX IS OPEN. PLEASE SEND A MESSAGE IM LONELY HERE

‣ please click below for more info and a masterlist!

‣ requests

i only accept up to three characters per headcanon/drabble request. you're free to request the same headcanon/drabble for different characters, though; this is to make requests into bite-sized pieces for me! you are welcome to also request one-shots or even multi-chapter fics >:D do your worst!

however do know that i only accept these requests as suggestions, not explicitly favors i have to do. if it interests me, you're in luck. if it doesn't interest me, you ain't in luck. only times i'd take it as a request is if it's for a friend i personally know or whatnot.

this blog will be NON-EXPLICIT for the most part, anyway. obviously there's going to be suggestive themes, plenty of implications and a whole lot of softcore (like c'mon look at my first post kek), however i absolutely refuse to write or draw outright smut. we got enough smut artists and writers in the lds fandom and i think we don't got enough fluff-angst writers HAHA

‣ things to know

this blog is 16+ — while I don't explicitly discourage readers under the aforementioned age from consuming my content, most, if not all of my content contains somewhat suggestive themes and contain suggestive, violent and/or triggering themes. additionally, the game itself holds aforementioned themes, so i thought i might as well put a soft-minimum just to give myself some peace and mind lol. please use your personal discretion before you consume my work!

i have a taglist! please let me know if you'd like to be a part of it through commenting here or through my inbox! i'll give you lots of smooches as a ty <3

finally — i have commissions available for both art and writing! please contact me through my discord yuzuocha for details :D

‣ masterlist

headcanon

‣ the horrors of gacha. — Xavier & Zayne & Rafayel

‣ kith? kith. [pt. i] — Xavier & Zayne

‣ moments of panic. — All

‣ back in the days. — All

‣ domestic times. — All

‣ a living proof of your love. — All

one-shot + drabble

‣ heartstring fortissimo. — Xavier

‣ eclipse. — Xavier

‣ drunk mind, sober feelings. — Xavier

‣ a second love at second sight. — Rafayel

‣ post-care. — Zayne

multi-fic

‣ player one, player two. — Xavier

‣ illuminate. — Xavier

but really really fast

main story ‣ prologue

main story ‣ chapter ɪ

main story ‣ chapter ɪɪ

main story ‣ chapter ɪɪɪ

main story ‣ chapter ɪᴠ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪɪ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪɪɪ

incorrect quotes

ɪ ‣ truth conundrum

ɪɪ ‣ caleb v. ladder

ɪɪɪ ‣ xavier's mc sensor

ɪᴠ ‣ rafayel's morals

ᴠ ‣ anti-consolation

ᴠɪ ‣ following directions with faith

ᴠɪɪ ‣ rafayel's rancid rizzing

ᴠɪɪɪ ‣ who let xavier cook

ɪx ‣ "helping out"

x ‣ false alarm

xɪ ‣ fiery motivation

xɪɪ ‣ self love

xɪɪɪ ‣ vroom vroom

xɪᴠ ‣ how to treat a short person

xᴠ ‣ is rafayel into choking?

xᴠɪ ‣ sanity loss documentary

xᴠɪɪ ‣ spooky broccoli

xᴠɪɪɪ ‣ xavier's tendencies

xɪx ‣ "what keeps you up at night"

xx ‣ speling is hahrd

xxɪ ‣ subway surfers was fire ngl

xxɪɪ ‣ whoever threw that shell, fuck you

xxɪɪɪ ‣ innocent until proven guilty

xxɪᴠ ‣ happy middle fingers

xxᴠ ‣ single when drunk?

xxᴠɪ ‣ a cursed bless

xxᴠɪɪ ‣ serotonin, too!

xxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ he isn't wrong, per se

xxɪx ‣ lie detector

xxx ‣ an artist's perspective, apparently

xxxɪ ‣ yeah no he bucked up

xxxɪɪ ‣ a cursed bless 2.0

xxxɪɪɪ ‣ caleb's sick of it lol

xxxɪᴠ ‣ propriety over honesty

xxxᴠ ‣ words of (questionable) truth

xxxᴠɪ ‣ caleb technically didn't lie

xxxᴠɪɪ ‣ she thought she was playing chess, he was playing 4d chess

xxxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ as long as rafayel's happy, i guess

xxxɪx ‣ who let xavier cook 2.0

xʟ ‣ nice card, shitty purpose

xʟɪ ‣ put a price tag in bed

xʟɪɪ ‣ mission accomplished (?)

xʟɪɪɪ ‣ asshole of the year

xʟɪᴠ ‣ "KILL IT KILL IT KILL ITTTTTT"

xʟᴠ ‣ local fish intentionally stranded on walmart parking lot

xʟᴠɪ ‣ cereal hits when drunk

xʟᴠɪɪ ‣ zayne can't be left alone, poor him

xʟᴠɪɪɪ ‣ a chair that can kick you

xʟɪx ‣ needs and wants

ʟ ‣ honesty so brutal it hurts

ʟɪ ‣ yea just buy whipped cream instead

ʟɪɪ ‣ words v. stones

ʟɪɪɪ ‣ living in the present

ʟɪᴠ ‣ popcorn doesn't last

ʟᴠ ‣ war of words

ʟᴠɪ ‣ it is trash can, not trash cannot

ʟᴠɪɪ ‣ newton's rolling in his grave

ʟᴠɪɪɪ ‣ carnival avocado

ʟɪx ‣ how much white stuff can fit in a mouth?

ʟx ‣ 6 cm per second, which is frankly impressive

ʟxɪ ‣ xavier v. jeremiah getting punched

ʟxɪɪ ‣ hunter's "reflexes"

ʟxɪɪɪ ‣ declaration (?) of love

ʟxɪᴠ ‣ double friendzone'd

ʟxᴠ ‣ rafayel's garden

ʟxᴠɪ ‣ reminiscence (?)

ʟxᴠɪɪ ‣ xavier the almighty sun

ʟxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ xavier the almighty mosquito

ʟxɪx ‣ the duality of fish

ʟxx ‣ didn't happen if there ain't no evidence

ʟxxɪ ‣ life is just one big capitalist experience fr

ʟxxɪɪ ‣ oof lmfao

ʟxxɪɪɪ ‣ you something get eat might

ʟxxɪᴠ ‣ father v. further v. farther

ʟxxᴠ ‣ hobbies

ʟxxᴠɪ ‣ the ends justify the means, right?

ʟxxᴠɪɪ ‣ so short they can duck liability

ʟxxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ cashed in the wrong way

ʟxxɪx ‣ love is an open door

ʟxxɪx ‣ efficiency > flirting

ʟxxx ‣ viral for all the wrong reasons

ʟxxxɪ ‣ killer fashion

ʟxxxɪɪ ‣ package

ʟxxxɪɪɪ ‣ cancelling out

[kaminocasey]

1,2, and/or 11 with Hunter please! Congrats on 700! That's amazing!

Hello, my friend!!! Sorry it took me so damn long!!! I hope this is alright! <3 Thanks for sticking around with me for so long! <3 A/N: This is the LAST of my 700 follower requests haha. I'm literally at 1.3K followers now, if that tells you how behind I am. I'll be posting the masterlist for all of them soon! Thanks to everyone who sent in requests! I appreciate all of you so much!!!

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI; Angst-ish? Slightly suggestive language. WC: 1K 1. “I’m not going anywhere.” 2. “I think I’m in love with you.” 11. “Keep your eyes on me.”

“Is Omega still over at Lyana’s?” You ask Hunter as you come into the living room. 

“Yeah, she is- Oh. You look nice.” Hunter smiles at you softly, making you go warm all over. “Where are you headed?” 

“I’m just going for a walk.” You shrug, nonchalantly.

“Why do you look so dolled up?” Echo’s voice cuts through the room as he walks in. 

“I’m not dolled up.” You turn to look at him. 

“She’s probably got a date with Yuno.” Wrecker teases.

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes, going warm in the face. “We’re just going down to the beach.” 

Your whole body floods with warmth again as you notice Hunter taking in your sundress, his eyes traveling down your entire body. Why does he have this effect on you? 

“Just don’t get sand in unmentionable places. Believe me, it sucks.” Echo pats you on your shoulder.

“I don’t even want to know how you know that.” You laugh. 

Echo throws you a wink and goes into the kitchen. When you turn around to face Hunter, he looks up from clearly having been looking at your legs. It makes you burn in all the right places. But… Hunter is your sergeant… You’ve been trying to put those feelings aside for a couple years now. Unfortunately, they always seem to creep back up. 

“Alright. I’ll see you guys later.” You start to head to the door, needing to clear your head before you start to dwell on those thoughts.

“Is he here?” Hunter stands up and everyone gives him a weird look.

What is with him tonight? Normally, he’s not so in your business. 

“No, I’m meeting him down at the beach?” You look at Hunter, confused.

Hunter lets out a humorless snort. “He can’t even pick you up? Some guy.”

Wrecker, Tech, and Crosshair all look at each other and then exit the room. “What’s your problem?” You ask him, putting your hands on your hips. 

“I just think you could do better than Yuno, is all.” Hunter shrugs. 

Your eyebrows furrow. “You do know it’s none of your business who I spend time with, right?” 

“I… I know that.” Hunter sighs. “I’ve just heard the way Yuno talks about women…”

The realization that he really is just looking out for you hits and you feel the tension drain from your body, unable to be mad at him anymore. You see his shoulders relax as well. 

“You’re sweet to care.” You smile, softly. “Thank you. But… We’re just hanging out. Okay?” 

“Alright.” Hunter sighs. 

You give him one last smile and then head out, making your way down the cobbled stone streets of Pabu, toward the beach. But as you walk, you can’t help but wonder about Hunter. About what was really bothering him. Why the sudden interest in your whereabouts or who you’re hanging out with. Since you’d all found peace after getting Omega, Tech, and Crosshair back, Hunter seemed more relaxed. But now… well. Who knows? 

When you get down to the dock, you don’t see Yuno yet so you sit on the edge and wait, patiently. 

After about forty minutes, you realize Yuno isn’t coming. Which is fine, honestly. Whatever. You didn’t like Yuno that much anyway. But now, you’re embarrassed. Because if Hunter finds out, he’ll probably never let you hear the end of it. 

As if on time, you hear a throat clearing. Turning around, you’re expecting to find Yuno finally showing up, but instead find Hunter. With a sigh, you turn back toward the ocean. 

“He didn’t show. You were right.” You chuckle. 

He quietly sits next to you.

“If you’ve come to say ‘I told you so’, I understand…” You murmur, leaning against the wooden dock post. 

Hunter puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at him, softly. His hands are always so warm and so careful. You’ve lost track of the amount of times you’ve gotten lost in thought over those hands.

“I’m not here to say ‘I told you so’. I’m here because I care about you.” He smiles ever so slightly.

“You care about me…” You look down at your feet dangling over the water. 

“Of course I do.” His hand falls from your shoulder to your own hand that rests between you.

Your chest tightens slightly at his admission.

“I… I more than care about you…” He whispers. 

You look up at him. “What do you mean?” 

He couldn’t mean… There’s no way.

“I think… no… I am… I’m in love with you.” Hunter confesses, taking your hand and holding it.

“You are?” 

“I am. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you… and I completely understand if you don’t feel the same way-” He starts to ramble but you cut him off by quickly capturing his lips with yours, unable to hold back any longer. 

His lips are so soft and feel like home to you, like everything that has happened to you has led right up to this moment. This perfect moment. 

“Does that mean you feel the same?” He chuckles, brushing his thumb across your cheek. 

You laugh. “Yes. Very much so.” 

“Thank the Maker. I was so nervous.” He lets out a soft breathy laugh and you can’t help but grin at him, not minding the continuous fluttering in your stomach. 

“Let’s go home so I can properly cook for you and treat you how you deserve to be treated.” He stands up, offering his hand.

You take it and as you walk back toward home, he doesn’t let go. And as you walk past Yuno and his latest conquest who he seemed to have blown you off for, Hunter tilts your chin up toward him. 

“Hey, keep your eyes on me.” He grins down at you as you continue walking.

“I have no reason to look anywhere else.” You promise him, getting lost in the brown eyes that have been your favorite since the moment they looked your way. 

The moment that you approach the house, your lips are on his again and dinner is momentarily forgotten as he pushes you up against the siding, not ready to let Echo, Crosshair, Tech, or Wrecker ruin the moment yet. 

“I’m never letting you go.” Hunter whispers against your lips.

“Somehow, I’m okay with that.” You laugh softly as your lips find each other again.

TAGS: @twistedstitcher27 @misogirl828 @rebel-finn @rexandechosandwich @madameminor @dumfanting @rain-on-kamino @corona-one @tecker @ladykatakuri @brynhildrmimi @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @zoeykallus @maulslittlemeowmeow @littlemousedroid @arctrooper69 @rexxdjarin @agenteliix @padawancat97 @hated-by-me @sleepingsun501 @quigonswife8 @idlenesses @redheadgirl @themcuwriter @ashotofspotchka @sunshinesdaydream @crosshairsimp73 @ariadnes-red-thread @rosmariner @heyitsaloy @starstofillmydream @high-ct5555 @echos-girlfriend @sleepywych @nekotaetae @justanothersadperson93 @brownstalebread @aconstructofamind @book-of-baba-fett @chopper-base @palliateclaw @501st-rexster @dead-poolz @nahoney22 @where-is-my-mind-tho @jediknightjana @erishimoon @witching3 @queen-of-many-fandoms

[jouska-the-deer]

The Red Thread of Fate

Rating: General Audiences

Content Warnings: Brief Implied Anorexia

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Soulmates, Qixi Festival, Chinese Mythology, Post Canon

Word Count: 6889

Summary: Amy goes on an adventure with Sonic to find an old man in Chun-nan who can see people's destinies, though, who he is and why she wants to find him are things she's too nervous to say. Little does she know, Sonic has something he's too nervous to say to her as well.

Notes: The warning, "brief implied anorexia", is for a scene where Amy is eating with Sonic and she reflects on her dieting habits. Feel free to skip this fic if that would make you uncomfortable, but for everyone else, I hope you enjoy reading.

Here's the link to The Red Thread of Fate on Ao3, otherwise, continue reading below the cut.

-

Outside of an apartment building in Station Square was Sonic the Hedgehog, who had been spending the past few minutes pacing next to the entryway talking to himself. 

“I mean, the worst thing that could happen is her just saying no… No, actually she could cry, but she’d probably just laugh it off, right? I mean, we’re friends, and if that’s how she wants it to stay, then she’d know I’d be cool with it.”

A multitude of people passed by Sonic on their morning commutes. Some glanced at him with confusion. Some with awe, followed by confusion. Sonic couldn’t care less about what any of them thought. 

“But, ten years is a while. She’d probably be mad. ‘Oh great. Nice of you to ask me out years after I stopped caring.’ …She wouldn’t say that, right?”

He sighed, brushing his quills back. “Well, there’s only one way to find out…” 

Turning around, he jumped upon seeing Amy pushing open the door. Her face was determined and fixed entirely on her phone. 

Sonic didn’t react in time and she crashed straight into him, causing them to topple onto the sidewalk. 

“OOF! Sorry sir! I didn’t mean-” After pushing herself onto her hands and knees, she finally saw his face. “Sonic?” 

Her cheeks went bright red, not too dissimilar to Sonic’s at the moment. 

“Uh, yep. Could ya… maybe get off of me?” 

“OH!” Amy shoved herself back, getting up and offering Sonic a hand. “Sorry. My mind was in another place just then.” 

“It’s alright,” Sonic said, taking her hand and getting helped onto his feet. “Falling is one of the things I’m best at. So, no harm done.” 

Amy chuckled, then gasped. “Hey! I was actually just about to call you, so this is perfect!”

“Perfect?” 

“Yeah!” She reached down and grabbed her phone off of the sidewalk, wiping the screen and pocketing it. “I was gonna ask you to come with me on an adventure!”

“An adventure huh? Sounds fun! Where to?” 

“Chun-nan. Ten years ago I met an old man there who knew the destiny of every person in the world. I wanna find him again, and I need your help.”

“Whatcha need help with?” 

“Well… spotting him.” Amy scratched her neck bashfully. “I don’t know where in Chun-nan he is, and you know how often I can… miss what’s right in front of me… so having an extra pair of eyes would be great.” 

“Alright. Got his name or what he looks like?” 

“I don’t know his name, but he was an old human man with a long white beard who wore traditional yellow robes and…” Amy hummed to herself, staring off into space, “a bag too, I think? Oh! And he had a book. He was definitely carrying a book.” 

“Definitely huh? I’m guessing the book was pretty important?” 

“Um! Nope! Definitely not! Just a book! Haha…” 

“O…kay…?” Sonic shrugged. “Well, no time like the present. You ready to head out?”

“Yes! Um, are we taking the Tornado?” 

“Actually, I happen to have something even faster!” Sonic reached behind his back and revealed that he had the red Chaos Emerald. “I can warp us straight there… unless you wanted to take the scenic route?” 

“The more time we have to find him, the better!” 

“That’s cool with me.” Sonic placed his free hand on Amy’s shoulder. “Chaos control!” 

In an instant, they were on the other side of the planet standing on the sidewalk of a busy street. A few people were startled by their sudden appearance, but they quickly got back to whatever they were doing. 

“Hmm… maybe the capitol wasn’t the best spot to go first,” Sonic muttered, looking around.

Their surroundings hadn’t changed too much despite the massive distance; Cramped streets that felt even more cramped with all the skyscrapers towering above them. There were differences, however, such as the time being twelve hours later and the streets being lined with romance-themed decorations.

Amy chuckled nervously. “Huh… I guess they celebrate the Star Festival here…” 

“Or something similar. I wouldn’t be surprised given the Sunrise Archipelago and Chun-nan aren’t too far from each other.”

Clearing her throat, Amy stared at the ground. “I swear I didn’t mean to-” 

“It’s alright, Amy,” Sonic interrupted. “No worries. I still wanna help find that man you’re looking for.” 

“Oh.” She brightened up. “Oh! That’s great! I knew today was gonna be a great day! Running into you before I could even call… You having a Chaos Emerald on you… It has to be fate!”

“Uh, sure.” Sonic scanned the busy crowds. “Well, assuming the guy hasn’t had an attire change since way back when, it shouldn’t be too hard spotting an old man in traditional clothes, even with how busy it is.”

“Then let’s get started!” 

Amy happily started weaving through the sea of people, hopping around in hopes of seeing the old man. Sonic followed and kept his eyes peeled, enjoying the distraction and definitely not putting off the question he’d wanted to ask that morning.

-

Finding a single old man in one of the most populated countries on the planet would be a completely impossible task for any normal person. Sonic and Amy, however, were not normal people, so the task was only mostly impossible. 

A couple hours into their adventure and they’d scoured most of the city, coming across very few people matching Amy’s description, as Sonic figured. At the very least, Sonic was enjoying the sights, sounds, and many of the smells. The restaurants they’d been passing were starting to make him pretty distracted, and a nice lunch seemed in order. 

“Hey, Ames? How about we take a quick break to grab something to eat?”

“You can grab something to eat while we look, but I’m just gonna skip breakfast.” 

“Breakfast?! You haven’t eaten today?” 

“It’s too many Calories.”

“Too many-! I promise you’re gonna get in your 10,000 steps today! Come on, I know a great place south of here.” 

“But we’re losing daylight!”

“It’s a street food place with takeout. Let’s go!” 

“But-!” 

Amy immediately went quiet as Sonic picked her up and rushed south, arriving at the food cart in less than a minute. Among the signs on the cart, the word ‘Malatang’ stood out the most. 

“Alright so here’s how it works,” Sonic said, setting her down and gesturing at the stall. It had a plethora of ingredient skewers on trays up front and several vats of boiling broth in the back. “Pick out the stuff you want and put it in one of these baskets. After that, pick how spicy you want the broth and they’ll boil all the stuff and put it in a bowl for us to take. Don’t worry about the price; It’s dirt cheap and I’ve got plenty of money.”

“Umm…” Amy blinked, seemingly having caught none of what he said and spent all of his explanation staring at him. 

“You alright?” 

“Uh! Yep! But… Could you repeat… everything you just said?” 

Sonic hummed inquisitively, but obliged.

In the end, Sonic got mostly meat and mushrooms cooked spicy enough to make Amy wince, while Amy got tofu and vegetables cooked in a mild broth. After grabbing a couple of drinks as well, Sonic paid (it really was dirt cheap) and they took their bowls and chopsticks to go. 

“Follow me,” Sonic said, already leading Amy down the street. “I know a perfect place to sit down and eat.”

“But we have to find the old man!” 

“It’s a great place to people-watch, don’t worry!” 

Amy sighed. “Fine.” 

“You’re gonna love it, I promise.” 

Just a short walk later, they arrived at a large flower garden. As would be expected of a public garden on a romantic holiday, it was decorated with plenty of hearts and filled with tons of couples. 

Sonic easily walked under the floral arch marking the entrance, but Amy halted just before it. 

“Um…” 

Looking back, Sonic tilted his head. “Something wrong?” 

“Well…” Amy shrunk in on herself. “It’s just… If we go in there together… with it being the holiday and all decorated like that… people might think we’re a…” she looked away, “…couple.” 

“Maybe.” Sonic stepped over to her, concern in his eyes. “Would that make you uncomfortable?” 

“…Would it make you uncomfortable?” 

“Not really,” he said simply. “People are always making assumptions about me, but I only care about what my friends think.” He stepped around, directly into Amy’s view. “So, what do you think?”

“I…” She took a deep breath. “Well… if you really wouldn’t mind…”

“I’m the one who decided to take you here. Let’s just enjoy the scenery, alright?” 

“Yeah.” Smiling lightly, she nodded. “Okay.” 

They made their way inside. Not too long after, they found an empty bench at the top of a hill and sat down. 

Sonic immediately tucked into his food, but Amy hesitated. Noticing this, he nudged her with his elbow. 

“I’ve gotten food from that cart a few times. You’re not gonna get sick if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

“No. It’s just…”

“Don’t lie about not being hungry. I heard your stomach growling earlier.” 

“Wait, you did?” 

“Nope, but now I definitely know that you’re hungry.” 

“Ugh.” Amy glared into the distance. 

“So…?”

“I’m trying to stay healthy.” 

“There’s lots of good nutrients in this stuff. Especially what you got.” 

She groaned. “I don’t know if it’s good for my figure.” 

Sonic frowned. “I thought you said you’re trying to stay healthy.” 

“If I look good, then I’m probably healthy.” 

“I think it’s more important that you feel good. And, if you’re hungry, then you don’t feel good.” 

“Well, I’m not going to feel good if nobody wants to look at me,” she huffed. 

“Who the heck are you trying to look good for? Because whoever they are, they don’t sound like people worth trying to impress.” 

“Come on! You wouldn’t want to date a giant slob, would you?!” 

They both froze. 

Amy stuttered. “I-I didn’t mean-! Um! I wasn’t implying that I was specifically trying to look good for you, just-! I meant hypothetically, if you wanted to date someone, not me in particular-” 

Sonic placed a finger on her lips, his expression firm. 

“If I was the kind of person who cared about what you looked like over how you felt, I wouldn’t deserve you.” 

Pulling back his hand, Sonic studied Amy’s baffled expression. 

“Y-You wouldn’t deserve… m-me?”

“Absolutely not,” he said confidently. “Someone as great as you deserves only the very best. And besides, trying to impress me with good looks wouldn’t work anyway, because I don’t really think about looks at all.” He picked up his chopsticks, then smirked. “So if, hypothetically, someone wanted to catch my attention, they’d have better luck with a good heart and genuine smile, and those are things anyone can have no matter what they look like.” 

“U-Um…” Amy chuckled bashfully. “O-Okay.” 

Sonic gestured toward her food, and Amy finally picked up her chopsticks and tried a bite. 

It was incredible. Salty and savory, with a little kick of spice. The tofu and vegetables were cooked to perfection, and they combined into a spectrum of flavors that perfectly complemented each other. Amy was helpless in preventing the delighted grin that pushed up her cheeks. 

Her attention was drawn to Sonic softly chuckling beside her. 

“See,” he said, his smile warm as he looked into her eyes. “More beautiful already.” 

And now, Amy’s cheeks were on fire. And she knew she couldn’t blame it on the street food. 

She snapped her gaze to a random patch of flowers, acting as though it was the most interesting thing in the entire world. 

Satisfied, Sonic returned to eating his food and enjoying the scenery…

…Until he heard Amy trying to conceal herself sniffing. 

“Amy? Are you- Hey, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable-”

“No. You didn’t,” she said, laughing lightly as she wiped the corner of her eyes. “It’s just…” 

Sighing, she looked off into the distance. “When I was younger, I worked so hard to be someone that… that you’d want to be with. I watched what I ate, worked out every day, and it was all…” 

“Amy…” 

Slowly, she brought her attention to him. Entirely silent. 

“If I knew you were doing all that, I would’ve told you to stop… even if I wasn’t the best at separating health and looks back then.” Sonic placed a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t change yourself for anybody, but especially me. Okay?” 

Amy looked at his hand on her shoulder, then averted her gaze from him entirely. “Okay.”

“Promise?” 

Briefly, she looked at him again. “Promise.” 

“Good.” Sonic smiled. “Now, eat up. We’ve got a lot more searching to do when we’re done.” 

Amy smiled too, returning to her food and continuing to enjoy it. 

Quite a few people passed by as they ate, some giggling and talking amongst themselves upon seeing them together, but neither Sonic nor Amy paid them any mind. The thoughts of random strangers didn’t matter when they had good food and good company. 

-

As soon as Sonic and Amy finished eating they got back to searching. The capital had a noticeable lack of old men in traditional clothes walking around, so they turned their attention to the small towns and villages between major cities. 

Besides slightly upping the number of men they came across who better fit Amy’s description, the change of location also brought a much needed change of scenery. Even with the festival decorations, the concrete and skyscrapers of the city couldn’t beat the traditional architecture the smaller locales featured. In fact, the villages and towns often had the nice architecture as well as more festival decorations than the city.

However, despite the boost in many areas, Amy’s morale was starting to decline. Sure, they were finding a few more people that better matched her description, but that also meant they were getting more false positives. Only an hour had passed and yet Sonic could clearly see the frustration growing in Amy’s eyes. 

The sun was setting and the street lanterns were lit. They’d just arrived at a village Sonic was already familiar with and he had an idea that he hoped would lighten the mood. 

“One sec, Ames. While I’m here there’s someone I’ve gotta talk to real quick.”

Curiosity slightly overtook the frown on her face. “You know someone here?” 

“I know a lot of people here. Chip and I helped out the village elder during the Dark Gaia crisis, and I came back quite a few times to check in on everyone.”

An elderly woman’s voice piped up just ahead. “Ah! Welcome back, Sonic. It’s so good to see you.”

“Hey Lin! It’s good to see you too.” 

The little old woman looked Amy up and down as she slowly made her way over. 

“And who is this?”

“I’m Amy Rose,” Amy said. “Sonic was just telling me that he’s been here before, and then you immediately walked up and said hi to him. He seems to have friends absolutely everywhere.” 

“I would assume so. He’s got such a wonderful heart, so who wouldn’t enjoy being around him?” 

Sonic awkwardly coughed into his arm. “Uh, anyway, I was actually about to go look for you. You’re good at noticing things, so I was wondering if you saw the village protector around. I figured Amy and I could stop by to say hello and give him a snack while we’re here.”

“Well, you’re in luck! He flew over a moment ago and landed just past the northern gate of the village.”

“Great! Thanks for the help!” 

“You're very welcome. Enjoy the rest of your date.” 

Sonic let out a nervous laugh. 

“Uh…”

“I-It’s not a date,” Amy quickly clarified. “We’re just here looking for an old man with a book who can see people’s destinies.” 

Lin chuckled. 

“You two are in Chun-nan searching for Yue Lao on the evening of the Qixi festival, and it’s not a date?” 

“Wait,” Sonic said. “You know about the guy we’re looking for?” 

“Of course I do.” Lin glanced at Amy, who was starting to sweat. “And I believe Miss Rose here knows more about him than she has let on.” 

Sonic hummed and looked to Amy for her response, but she was entirely turned away. 

“I… Um…” 

“Well,” Lin announced, smirking, “I hope things work out for your two. Have a nice night.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Sonic said. “You too.” 

“Goodbye,” Amy barely spoke up.

Lin walked away, leaving Sonic and Amy standing silently at the entrance of the village. 

“Come on,” came Sonic’s voice, soft and reassuring. “We’ve gotta swing by the shop to pick up something for the village protector.” 

“You’re…” Amy slowly looked at him. “You’re not mad at me?” 

“I could tell you were hiding something from the start, even if I didn’t know what it was.” 

“But you still decided to help?” 

“Well… yeah! I told you it sounded fun.” His voice grew quieter. “Though, I still wanna know who exactly we’re looking for.” 

Amy’s ears went back, and her eyes went to the ground. 

Sonic sighed. “That’s alright,” he said. “Maybe you can tell me later. But for now,” he stepped closer to Amy, patting her on the shoulder, “we’ve got someone else to meet.” 

Amy gently smiled, going along with him.

Sonic decided to purchase a meat bun at the local shop and was now taking Amy north through the village.

“I should take ya back here when you’ve got more of an appetite so you can try one of these,” Sonic said, raising the meat bun into view. “Chip and I stopped and had a few when we were here, and they're amazing.” 

“I’m surprised you guys had time to stop for anything given all the places you had to go.” 

“If we didn’t stop for breaks there was no way I’d have had the energy to do anything, especially with how I was spending the nights running around at a snail’s pace as a werehog.”

“Oh right. I almost forgot about that.”

“You’d think seeing the guy you were crushing on as a big scary monster would leave a bigger impact.” 

“I’d seen bigger and scarier. And it’s not like you changed on the inside. Even if I didn’t recognize you at first, as soon as you saved me, I knew it was you.” 

Sonic scratched his neck. “You make it sound like there’s nobody else that’s willing to help.” 

“Oh there are, but nobody else does something nice and then runs away before I can even thank them.” 

As they made their way closer to the northern gate, Sonic kept his eyes on it as though it were the most interesting thing on the planet. 

“It just… feels weird to be thanked for something I was gonna do anyway. There’s no reason to make a big deal out of nothing.” 

“See, that’s what I mean. Even with that big fluffy exterior making me confused, your big fluffy heart showed off that you were definitely my S-” She cleared her throat, looking away. “My friend.”

Sonic chuckled, looking around as they finally passed through the gate. After a brief silence, he glanced at Amy.

“It meant a lot to me, you know. That you didn’t care what I looked like.” He stared at the ground as they continued walking. “I know it might sound… pretty strange… but it was kinda comforting to know that you still felt the same about me regardless.”

“It is kinda strange,” Amy said, her voice having a twinge of emptiness to it. “It’s not like my feelings for you would’ve mattered… you didn’t like me the same anyway.” 

“I…” He stopped walking.

Amy stopped with him and huffed. “Don’t bother pretending. You didn’t want to date me and that’s… fine.” 

“…I agreed to a date.” 

“You forgot about it.” 

“It wasn’t my-!” He gritted his teeth, his unoccupied hand clenched into a fist. Slowly, he took in a deep breath, and let it out. 

“I did forget about the date… but that’s because I was pulled into another world and didn’t get back until after it was over. I know you didn’t believe me then, but after all the adventures we’ve been on, surely you believe me now. Stranger things have happened.”

Amy let out an uneasy moan. “But that wouldn’t make any sense!”

“I swear I’m telling the-” 

“You couldn’t have really wanted to date me! It was just a fluke!”

“…Huh?”

“You had a million chances to go out with me and the one time you promised to you didn’t show! I don’t know why you agreed that time but it was clearly a mistake!”

“It wasn’t a mistake!” 

Amy froze, mouth agape at him. 

“It… wasn’t a mistake.” He swallowed thickly. “My mind got sidetracked by the adventure, but I was still looking forward to our date when I agreed to it.” He looked away. “I’m sorry that I didn’t show up, but I want you to know that I’d never leave you hanging like that on purpose. Getting your hopes up just to break your heart… is way too far.” 

The night air went quiet, beside the rustling of leaves.

“…You really wanted to go on a date with me?” 

“Well… yeah.” Sonic scratched his neck. “And… this morning… I uh…” 

A loud screech was heard just up ahead, drawing their attention. 

“What was that?” Amy asked.

Sonic sighed, half in disappointment and half in relief. 

“That, is who we’re here to see.” 

Amy started jogging ahead and Sonic followed close behind. 

After passing a few rock formations, Amy let out a gasp. 

“Oh my gosh!” 

Perched on one of the western cliffs was a glowing phoenix. As soon as he saw them, he jumped from the cliff and soared around the clearing. After coming to a landing on the path, he tilted his head at them. 

“Amy, I’d like you to meet the local villager protector.”

“A phoenix!” She let out a delighted laugh and waved. “Um, hello!” 

When she returned her arm to her side, Sonic gently took her wrist and placed a meat bun in her hand. 

“Here. He’d probably like a snack, don’t you think?” 

“Oh! Yes! I think he would.” Amy stretched out her arm, holding the meat bun out to the phoenix. “Here you go! Sonic says they’re really good.” 

The phoenix reached down and gently plucked the meat bun out of Amy’s hand. After taking a few steps back, he spread his wings and started flapping, lifting himself off the ground and taking to the sky once again. His luminous feathers shimmered against the night sky, shining bright as the moon as he soared around the clearing once again before landing back on the cliffside to enjoy his snack. 

Amy turned to Sonic, giggling helplessly. “That was amazing! I’ve never seen a phoenix before! Thank you for showing me!” 

“No problem, Ames! I knew this would help lift the mood!” 

Letting out a softer giggle, Amy rubbed her arm. “You brought me here to help me feel better?” 

“Of course! I couldn’t just let the disappointments keep getting you down without giving you something exciting to pick you back up.” 

“Oh.” Amy blushed, looking away. “Thank you.” 

“Sonic! I had heard you were visiting.” 

Sonic turned to see another familiar resident of the village just past the gate.

“Zonshen! Nice to see ya!” 

“Nice to see you too,” the kind elderly man said as he walked over. 

“How’s your back doing?” 

“It’s doing great! Charles’ training is really paying off.”

“Oh! Amy, this is Zonshen, the village elder and doctor. Zonshen, this is Amy.”

“Hello,” Amy said, giving him a polite wave.

He looked between Sonic and Amy. “I’m not interrupting anything here, am I?” 

“N-No!” Amy choked out. 

“We were just trying to find some guy named ‘Yue Lao’ or something and decided to take a break,” Sonic more calmly explained.

“‘Some guy’? ‘Yue Lao’? You two are looking for the heavenly matchmaker?” 

“Heavenly matchmaker?” Sonic glanced at Amy for an explanation but she was hiding her face. 

“Yes?” Zonshen said. “The god who ties together future lovers with the invisible red thread of fate? You did not know this?” 

“Uh, no.”

“Yet you were looking for him on the night of the Qixi festival? It is a good time to look, being a romantic holiday and all, but how could you not know?” 

“Well A- …I didn’t get many details about who he was before we went on the search.” 

“Oh. Well, I hope you can understand my confusion. Hmm.” Zonshen looked at Amy. “Is your friend doing alright?” 

“Huh?” Sonic looked at her, noticing her stuttered breathing. “Amy?” 

He reached out, touching her shoulder, and she let out a strangled yelp and bolted. 

“Shoot! Um, later Zonshen!” 

Zonshen’s farewell was faint as Sonic immediately chased after Amy. To his dismay, she was already out of sight. 

Quickly, he ran to Wang’s shop, as it was within eyeshot of the village exit. 

“Hey,” Sonic said to him, “did you see a pink hedgehog run out of here?” 

“No? Wasn’t she with you when you bought something? Did something happen?” 

“Don’t worry about it, but hopefully that means she’s hiding somewhere in the village. I just have to find her…” 

An idea popped into his head. 

“Thanks anyway. Later.” 

He walked away and took out his communicator, finding Amy in his contacts and giving her a non-emergency call. 

Keeping an ear out… he heard a man’s voice belt, “'cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars,” before Sonic was already at the source of the music. 

Hiding behind a few decorative vases, he was met with a very red-faced Amy with her finger on her phone screen, having dismissed the call with great haste. She froze upon seeing him, then curled in on herself and let out a pained whine. 

“It’s alright, Amy.” 

“No, it’s not!” 

“I’m still not mad, I promise.” 

“Yeah right!” 

“Lin already hinted at something about him being related to romance and I’d already accepted that. All that Zonshen did was give me a little more info.” 

“You know I dragged you out here to find a matchmaker! Don’t you feel betrayed?!” 

“You didn’t drag me anywhere. I chose to help you look, and I still want to.” 

Slowly, Amy looked up at him. “You… But why?” 

“Because it’s obviously pretty important to you. Plus, the journey’s been fun so far.” 

“Are… Are you sure…?” 

“Of course!” Sonic said, offering his hand. “Let’s get going.”

Taking his hand, Amy let Sonic pull her up. 

“Thank you…” she said bashfully.

“No problem!” After turning with Amy to leave, he gave her a questioning glance. “What was with your ringtone?”

“Haha! You don’t need to worry about that!” 

Sonic rolled his eyes with a snort. 

-

Their search continued on, though it was quieter than before. Despite the reassurance, Amy was clearly still embarrassed about the whole thing. Sonic hoped that she’d calm down with time, though time was a thing they were also working against. 

After two hours, they were overdue for another break. They’d come across a couple of shrines to Yue Lao, but Amy’s frown upon seeing them only showed Sonic how disappointed she was to not see the real deal. He figured giving the shrines an offering in the hopes of having him show up was out of the question.

“Amy?” Sonic softly spoke. “How about another break?” 

She didn’t reply, only followed him to the top of a hill overlooking another small village they had yet to explore. Sonic sat down facing the village, and Amy followed. 

“Nice view, right? The sky’s pretty clear out here, and the village is all nice and decorated.” 

Amy just stared ahead, silent. 

Rubbing his arm, Sonic looked away from her. Something needed to be done, but he didn’t have any more ideas. At least, not any that’d be any good at cheering her up from a mood as low as it was. Still, he had to try something. 

He opened his mouth to speak…

…And Amy spoke instead. 

“Why are you doing this?” she asked, voice empty. “Haven’t you figured out why I wanted to bring you to Yue Lao?” 

Sonic idly combed his fingers through the grass. “To see if we’re connected,” he looked at her, “right?” 

“Yeah.” Her eyes were still locked to the same place.

“Do you… want us… to be connected?”

Amy blinked, finally turning to look at him. “You… think I wouldn’t?” 

“Uh.” Sonic tried to ignore the jump in his chest. “Well, you’ve… kinda been a bit more subtle for the past few years. I figured you’d… I dunno… lost interest or something.” 

Laughing weakly, Amy brought her eyes to the stars. “If only it was that easy.” 

Sonic leaned back, looking up at the stars as well. 

“Ten years ago,” Amy said, “I was just passing through Chun-nan on a night like this one. It was just after I’d met you and… just after you’d first rejected me.” Her eyes wandered to the mountains in the distance. “There was… a little doubt in my mind that we’d ever end up together. My cards had told me we were destined to, but…”

Sonic’s ears went back, pain in his expression. 

“Anyway,” she continued, “I was out looking for you, but instead I found the old man. He was reading a book very closely, and when I asked him what it was about, he explained that it contained the names of all couples who would eventually fall in love. I asked what he needed it for, and he said he used it know who to connect with a magical red thread that always brings those couples together.”

Amy crossed her arms. “I told him to prove it by telling me who I was destined to be with. He… chuckled… and told me your name.” 

Sonic gaped, though Amy was too busy looking away to see his reaction. 

“I was so happy, but when I asked him when we’d get together, he told me to just… have patience. That in the end, all the pain and heartache would be worth it.” She growled. “Well, I think I’ve waited far too long without any actual proof we’d be together. I just ran off without seeing this thread for myself, and I’m not making that mistake again. I wanna find him, and I wanna make him show me our thread or admit he was mistaken, because maybe then I could finally just…” She whined, voice going quiet. “I could just stop thinking about… us… so much.” 

“Amy…” 

“And that’s why-!” She cleared her throat. “That’s why I wanted to bring you here. I needed to see if we’re really connected or not, and I wouldn’t be able to see our thread if you weren’t here with me.” She hugged her knees. “I promise I’m not trying to pressure you into anything; You said yourself that I’ve been more… subtle recently. I just want a definitive answer on whether or not we’ll be together in the end, even if…” she swallowed thickly, “…it means learning we… won’t. I’m just… so sick of being uncertain…” 

“Amy.” 

Sonic took her hands in his, grabbing her attention. 

“Sonic?” 

“I… know you just had a whole speech about waiting forever on me, but… I need you to stay here for a little bit.” He offered a reassuring smile. “I’ll be right back, okay?” 

Amy laughed nervously. “And you’re not gonna tell me why you’re leaving me here?” 

“Nope. It’ll make us even for the whole ‘not explaining who we’re really looking for’ thing.”

Amy sighed. “Touché.” 

“I’ll be quick. I promise.” 

“…Alright.” 

They let go of each other’s hands, and Sonic ran off toward the village. 

As soon as he arrived he stopped to catch his breath, though not due to the run there. 

“Okay. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Just need to calm down and look for something really nice to give Amy to make up for ten years of rejection as well as not asking her out during this entire thing so she doesn’t feel like I’m messing with her when I ask her out right now.” 

He started running again, though at a more reasonable pace for the safety of everyone around him. 

“There’s gotta be a shop or cart or anything that has something she’d love. Should I get her multiple things? How much time would that take? I told her this would be quick but-” 

Not paying attention, a wave of yellow fabric flashed in his face as Sonic ran into someone. Before they could even fall to the ground, Sonic agilely swooped around and caught them, pushing them back to their feet. Something they were holding hit the ground, so Sonic picked it up for them. 

“Sorry about that!” Sonic apologized, holding out the object, a journal, to the person he nearly knocked over, who appeared to be an elderly man with a long, snow-white beard. “I should’ve been paying better attention.” 

“Oh, it’s alright,” the man said, taking the journal. Upon getting a better look at Sonic, he smiled brightly. “Sonic the Hedgehog! It is about time your numerous travels cause us to cross paths. May I ask what you are doing on this wonderful night?” 

“I’m actually in a bit of a rush but I’m looking for something nice to give my friend for- well it’s a lot to get into but she deserves something amazing and I promised to get back to her really soon so I’ve gotta go!” 

“Would this friend happen to be Amy Rose?” 

“Uh yeah? How’d you know? Wait! I don’t have time for-”

“How lovely! I have something you should give to her.” 

From a pack at his side, he pulled out a red thread. It glinted under the moonlight as he presented it to Sonic. 

“Huh.” Sonic was thinking about getting Amy some flowers and/or desserts, but a red thread seemed perfect. Symbolic gestures were right up her alley. 

“This thread may tangle and stretch, but will never break. Once tied you two may travel any distance apart, but it will always bring you both back together.” 

“So it’s made of real quality stuff then? How much you want for it?” 

“Nothing,” the man said, placing it in Sonic’s hands. “You were destined to have it, and I have plenty more to go around.” 

“If you say so, then thanks! But I really have to go now!” Sonic said, already turning to leave. 

“Enjoy your date!”

Not bothering to correct him, Sonic called out, “Thanks again,” as he sped back to the hill. 

Upon his return, Amy stood up and sighed. 

“Sonic… let’s just go home.” 

Sonic stopped in his tracks, hiding the thread in his hand. “Huh? You’re giving up?” 

“This whole thing was silly anyway. Even if we searched all of Chun-nan, who's to say this matchmaker god isn’t just somewhere else? What are the odds we’d even come across him anyway? He probably travels everywhere all the time.” 

“I travel everywhere all the time, yet you run into me constantly.”

“I know, but…” 

She turned away. “Maybe… being uncertain… is just a part of life. Even if I find him and get the answer to this one question… I’ll just have a million more.” Her ears drooped. “It was comforting, to always believe we’d be together in the end, and I worked so hard to make that dream a reality… but, I didn’t even let myself consider whether it was your dream, too. This whole time… I was hardly listening to what your feelings were in all of this…” 

Sonic stepped up to her, taking her hand into his own.

“Then listen to me now,” he said, looking into her eyes and capturing her attention.

“Even if you’ve supposedly only been thinking about your own wish for us to be together, that hasn’t come across to me. I mean, you’ve been so much less upfront that I thought you might not be into me anymore, remember?” 

She nodded. 

“Right. So don’t let yourself feel bad about that. You’ve been an amazing friend to me ever since I met you… even if I wasn’t a fan of how clingy you were at first…” 

“I’m s-”

“Nuh-uh. You’re listening right now.” 

Amy sighed. 

“But uh, anyway… I just… I wanted to… uh…” He closed his eyes, letting out a breath. “This morning… didn’t you wonder why I was right outside your apartment when you ran into me?” 

Amy blinked, looking off into space before returning her gaze to him. “No. I… was so distracted by my plans that I didn’t even think about it.” 

“Right. Well, there’s a reason I was so willing to go along with your plans despite how suspicious they sounded, and that’s because… I was gonna ask you out.”

Amy’s mouth hung open. 

“Like… on a… date?” 

“Y-Yeah.” He looked away. “I was a bit nervous considering the whole, you know, not being sure you still had feelings thing. Plus… I was, I am… kinda worried about how you’re gonna take all this.” 

“I-I’m taking it j-just fine! Keep talking!” she urged. 

Sonic peeked at her expression. She was completely engrossed. 

“A-Alright. Anyway, I just wanted to say that… I also feel, comforted, by the thought of you… being there for me. It was a huge relief to hear you’re still interested, and… well…” 

Finally, Sonic raised his fist and uncurled his fingers, revealing the red thread in his hand. 

Amy gasped upon seeing it. She covered her mouth with her free hand. 

“Maybe life’s confusing, but… I don’t want this to be something you’re confused about anymore. Even if we never find the old man, I hope I can show you that I’ll always be there for you, no matter what…” Sonic gazed at her hopefully. “…If that’s still what you want.” 

Amy was breathing heavily, but her face was adorned with a smile. “Y-Yes,” she said. “Of course that’s what I want.”

Smiling himself, Sonic searched for one end of the thread…

…but then it shimmered in the moonlight and moved on its own, tying each end of itself in a perfect little bow around Sonic and Amy’s pinky fingers. 

“Huh?” 

“What?” 

They stared, confused and shocked. 

Amy cautiously reached for the thread with her untied hand. It gave in under her touch, but gently tugging at it only caused it to effortlessly stretch, and letting go caused it to slowly tighten back to its original state.

“Sonic,” she said, slowly looking up at him. “…Where did you get this?” 

“Uh… down in the village. I ran into some old guy and-” He froze, feeling as though the wind was knocked straight out of him. 

“Are you saying…?” 

Sonic slapped a hand over his face. “Argh! I was so focused on getting you something nice that I didn’t even realize how obvious it was that I found him!” He turned toward the village. “Maybe if we go right now he might still-”

This time, the wind really was knocked out when Amy pounced on him, delivering a crushing hug as they toppled to the ground. 

“I don’t care!” she wailed, nuzzling her face into his shoulder. “You went to get me something nice and then brought back something that made my dreams come true!” 

“Woah, are you okay?” Sonic asked, feeling a wetness on his shoulder and Amy’s chest shaking against his own.

“This is the best day of my life!” she sobbed. “What you did for me is better than anything I could’ve ever imagined!” 

Sonic wrapped his arms around her and caressed her back, letting her cry as much as she needed to. Once her breaths started to calm, he finally voiced his thoughts.

“You know, I was kinda hoping to ask you out after all this, but it feels like we’ve already been on a date since we teleported here.” 

Amy laughed. “I think most of the people who saw us today thought the same.” 

“Oh definitely.” 

Out of the blue, Amy flinched.

“Oops!” she yelped, pushing herself off his chest. “I should probably-”

Sonic kept his hands firmly on her back, gently halting her movement. “If you wanna move, that’s fine. But…” he smiled bashfully, “this is nice.” 

Amy blushed deeply. “Are you sure?” 

Reaching for her face, Sonic wiped away her old tears, the red thread trailing behind his hand’s movement. 

“I’m sure, Amy,” he said, returning to caressing her back. 

Slowly, she lowered herself back down, resting her cheek on his chest. 

“Thank you, Sonic. For… everything.” 

“And thank you, too. Today’s been a lot of fun.” He lifted his hand to get a better look at the red thread. “I’m looking forward to all the other adventures we’ll have together.” 

They stayed in each other’s arms looking out at the stars. The best part of that night, was that they could take their time laying on the hill, and then go back home with the rest of the day still there to enjoy as well.

-

Notes: Thanks for reading! Feel free to let me know what you think about my work!

For those wondering, Amy's ringtone is "A Sky Full of Stars" by Coldplay. I also considered making it "Can't Hide Love" by Earth, Wind & Fire but thought it was too obvious of a pick.

Also, fun fact: In the original Chinese myth, the red thread of fate is tied around each person's ankle, but I decided to keep it as being tied around their pinkies because I couldn't figure out how to incorporate it into the story naturally.

[coffeebanana]

trick or treat

HAHA WDYM IT'S NOT HALLOWEEN ANYMORE PFFFFFT

but ANYWAYS. here's a little ficlet inspired by nastic and thigmotropic movement in plants. as you requested ages ago 😂

i meant for a little light angst. but, uh...it did not turn out that way. blame ladrien--all they wanted to do was make out

.......

“Isn’t it cool?” 

The enthusiasm in Adrien’s voice made Ladybug smile, but it failed to draw her attention to the video playing from his phone. Which was his own fault, really—for being so irresistible. And for letting her get far too comfortable in her current position, lying on his chest on the sofa in his room, lazily trailing her toes against his calf as the video’s musical accompaniment petered out.

“Mhm,” she mumbled into his T-shirt, her own hot breath puffing back at her. “The coolest.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

She shrugged, taking the opportunity to snuggle in a little closer. “Mmm. Tired.”

A chuckle rumbled through his chest, and as his arms tightened around her waist, Ladybug had only one thought: I never want this moment to end.

Then Adrien betrayed her.

She squealed as he began tickling her sides—lightly at first, then harder as she struggled to bat his hands away. Just as she started to run out of breath, he finally relented. She pushed herself up, pinning his arms by his side and blowing a tuft of hair out of her face as she glared down at him. “Hey!”

He smirked. “You weren’t watching.” 

“I was too!”

He merely quirked an eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah? So what was it about?”

“It was, well, you know. It was…” She gestured vaguely with one hand, scowling when his smile only widened. “Okay, fine. I wasn’t watching.”

He clicked his tongue. “Such betrayal—the likes of which I’d never imagine from one who claims to love me.”

Fighting back a smile, Ladybug rolled her eyes. If she’d had known Adrien could be this dramatic before she’d started dating him, then…well, she wouldn’t have changed a thing. But he didn’t need to know that.

“I guess I’ll need to find some way to repay you,” she said, trying to feign boredom. But she couldn’t help the way her eyes slid to his lips.

And she definitely couldn’t help the way her stomach fluttered when he noticed where her eyes had landed. His breath hitched, eyes glued to hers as she leaned down, sliding a hand down his arm, fingers grazing wrist, and… A-ha!

Stealing his phone right from his hand, she quickly rolled off his chest, laughing at his squawk of protest. She landed in a crouch on the floor, phone clutched to her chest. “What’s wrong? I thought you wanted me to watch it.”

He let out a low whine, running a hand through his already dishevelled hair. Ladybug bit her lip, hoping the pain might distract her from the warmth pooling in her stomach. And between her legs. 

“I…did,” he said. It seemed almost painful for him to admit.

Ladybug was starting to have regrets of her own. But she had to see this through. “W-well, good then. Great!” She turned away from him, settling in cross-legged on the floor with her back against the couch. “I’ll just do that then.”

She raised the phone up to eye-level, only to be met by a locked screen.

Adrien laughed. “Need some help with that?”

“I mean, I guess. If you really want to.”

“Oh, I do.” He shifted onto his side, then slid his arm slowly past her shoulder, taking his time to punch in the code. His face hovering right beside hers. He gave her arm a squeeze when he finally retreated, breath whispering against her cheek. “Enjoy.”

Right. The video.

This time, Ladybug truly tried to pay attention. It was some time lapse of a plant curling its way up a wooden post, and even if she didn’t quite get the appeal, she loved that Adrien was so excited about it. 

But he wasn’t making it easy to focus.

“You know,” he whispered, lips grazing her ear. “The way it moves at the beginning is because it’s seeking out stimuli.” 

“Uh-huh...” 

It took every bit of her self-control not to lean towards him as he pulled away. 

Luckily, she wasn’t deprived of his presence for long. He set a hand on her shoulder as the video came to an end.

“And when it winds its way up the post…” His fingers slipped down to her bicep, curling around her arm to mimic the plant’s trajectory. “Well, then it’s just responding to touch.”

“Imagine that,” she gasped. Her back arched as his lips ghosted across her neck.

“So..." He nuzzled her cheek. "What did you think of the video, Love Bug?”

Ladybug closed her eyes and turned her head, blindly seeking the warmth of his lips. 

She smiled when they connected. “I think it might have taught me a few things.”

[sleepy-nancy]

I Wish You Were a Girl {{JAYMZ HETFIELD X DAVE MUSTAINE, PT.1}}

Saw a tiktok post earlier, i was inspired haha

They r my divorced parents who loved each other very much /trust

Angst, slight fluff in the end idkk(also to the people who wanted this ‘fic, I apologize if it aint up to ur expectations 🥲👌🏻)

ALSO I THINK THIS SONG RLLY FITS THIS FIC !!!

——————————————————————————

James and Dave were supposed best friends. Although, their feelings for each other began to change after awhile of hanging out.

Dave, had an attraction for James. Though, he didn’t like the idea of falling inlove with a boy. While James, he didn’t care if he fall inlove with a boy, but if it’s Dave.. it’s a big no to him.

So of course the friendship between them was.. interesting to say the least. Until one certain night.

Metallica had just finished another gig, they were just as drunk as you think they would be. Especially Dave. Hence, caused him to come up to James.

“James?” Dave tapped James’ shoulder, trying to get his attention.

“Yeah? What’s up?” James turns to Dave.

“Can we talk in private, real quick?”

“Sure.”

Dave lead James to a more secluded area. Where the two of them were alone, the tension grew upon the two boys. Their eyes locked together.

“So um..” Dave muttered, his voice suddenly going soft.

It was very fucking clear what he was feeling, James just knew about it.

“I know what you wanna say.” James cuts off Dave as he was gonna speak.

“You like me.”

“….” Dave couldn’t say anything back, as he knew it was true.

“Listen, Dave. I don’t mind it. But.. I swear, I can’t feel this way towards you.”

Dave was sad, but he felt the same. He didn’t like the idea of him being inlove with boys after all. But still, he couldn’t simply stop his attraction of James.

“I..” Dave muttered.

“I wish you were a girl.” He finally got his thoughts off.

“What?” James questions, abit stunned.

“I do wish you were a girl.”

James just looked at Dave, with a odd look on his face. He never expected Dave to say that. Ever.

“I genuinely don’t know what to say…”

Dave looks up to James slightly, slight tears welling up on his eyes. This affected him. It did. It was all complicated, a complicated feeling and friendship they had.

Eventually, James walks away. Leaving Dave alone, left with his own thoughts. He was confused, and a feeling of slight dread was on his mind. Knowing the later hangouts with James will and can be awkward.

***

The very morning later, Dave was in his bed. Staring to the ceiling mindlessly. His eyes turned blurry, as he saw himself tearing up, crying afterwards.

———————————————

Not much on part 1, i know, but i just got finished hanging out with some friends at a mall sooo yeahh feel free to suggest any ideas for part 2 :33

Thx for reading !!

[eggdrawsthings]

Re the prev ask/answer... Yeah that's totally valid and understandable! I'm also feeling kinda sad and conflicted about Sol at this point

I still love his character for the most part, but also yikes.. I almost want to just live in a fanon universe where he didn't act the way he did back in Brendok but that's easier said than done emotionally

I was lowkey wanting to draw him and maybe I still will someday, portraits are a different vibe after all, but yeah I definitely get why it'd feel weird now to draw more character/interaction focused art like yours

Love Grogu and Din too, they're adorable! I actually didn't watch much of the Mandalorian but maybe I'll check it out again when the Acolyte's finally over. Also sorry for the long rambly ask! XD

gonna put both of your asks into one here.

Yeah you get me. I can still draw Jecki, im used to character death in media now it's no big deal. More angst more ideas lol. But it's a diff story for Sol tho. I admit I have my own bias towards Sol cuz of his father's instinct, and also it's the first time I have an Asian Jedi Master who's wise and likable (my other fav was Plo Koon). So the reveal hurts way worse. I still think that there's a much better way to handle their story while staying in character and still having the same tragic outcome, still putting Sol in the position of someone living w his guilt and shame. The canon event did make him a much more interesting and complex character, yes, but I can't help feeling like he's made to be a punching bag for the narrative atp. Again, great premise, not so good execution, imo.

And yeah now I can't draw him without feeling shitty because all I want to draw is his fatherly interaction w the kids. I could, if i want to. But once I post it online, I can't stop ppl from coming in and saying "well uh actually he did that", and "Jecki and Yord would not like him" yada yada. I read everyone's tags and cmt, and as a non-confrontational person, it will affect me and make me feel shitty even more. So im just gonna protect my own peace and go back to my safe space haha. I'm just a silly guy making fanart for fun, im not paid for any of this experience aksjdhalsd

[ad-hawkeye]

since someone posted a translation on yt i wanted to ask(when you get around to it/free time ofc ofc) what you thought about artem’s dragon breath ssr

my first immediate fucking thought reading this card: WE GET NEIL ANGST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS?

IN AN AU CARD? WHAT?

okay. alright. that aside, i tend to actually really like au cards in tot, so i was actually pretty hyped about this one (HI FUTURE ME HERE WTF THAT WAS SO GOOD????) thoughts below!

love artem just fucking eating shit with this crest. bro is not fooling anyone

artem: [literally fucking coughing his lungs out] I am In complete Control. Of My Well Being. [coughs up blood

edgy artem with his little scar being all blushy is a new level of hilarity i lov ehim

i LOVE the white silhouette of dragon!artem. me and my dragon bf <3

this whole exchange below.

rosa: i dont want you to leave... artem: rosa: UHHH I MEAN. AS YOUR CHIEF OFFICER,

my beloved trope. being able to pick out your loved one's clone from subtle details.

or possessed loved one. in this case.

me and my possessed dragon bf <3

this is literally the most unnerved ive been reading a tot story ever. and its solely from how uncanny this expression is. dont make this face. what the fuck. i know ur possessed but no thats just wrong you cant do that what the fuck dont make that face

PUT THE CREEPY PLEADING EYES AWAY IT'S UNCANNY ON YOU

you can tell zhao lu is having a fucking blast voicing this part and i am so here for it. like "here artem is being possessed. get a little freaky with it okay. throw in some ominous whispering and laughing while you're at it"

AND HERE COMES ARTEM WITH THE STEEL CHAIR TO FIGHT OFF THE POSSESSION. MY OTHER FAVORITE TROPE!! zhao lu will see a guy fight off his possession and be like is anyone gonna voice him and then not wait for an ans- oh my god did artem just yell. hoooly fuck this guy never yells.

neil and artem fighting to the death in dragon form was not on my tot bingo card but i cannot complain at all

BABE WAKE UP NEIL IS SPEAKING

why is this card story giving more than any of the main timeline stories involving neil ever have. love the theme of the gods preying on the idealistic (neil, artem, mc) in accepting this cursed crest.

"our fates had been intertwined ever since" dear god it feels like they got a year 1 artem writer on this HAHA

on god they're beatin the shit out of artem in this card

bro.. this time shit is giving howl "ive been looking everywhere for you" movingcastle and sophie "find me in the future" hatter and i mean this in the most loving and nostalgic way

oh yeah this au ssr is definitely in his top ones. like right up there with his gufeng ssr.

god the scene with the final art evo is kinda going insane.

ROSA ATTEMPTING TO KILL A GOD. AND THE TWIST. ON SHARING EACH OTHER'S BURDENS. : ) ) ) ) ) WHAT

artem pleading with her to stop. jesus christ. this is the most emotional reaction ive seen from him in a hot minute. . MOre Please. tot.

not them sadly laughing at this situation............. tot.............. tot.

couple goals: severing the gods from humanity.... together <3

i don't think i've felt like this about an artem card since 2021 holy shit

THE MEMORY GEM IN THE EPILOGUE??? OUT OF POCKET???? IM GONNA CRY

chat im gonna cry i miss this dude so much

[ghost-proofbaby]

GHOST'S "OPEN BAR" 3K CELEBRATION

as a way to say thank you and show my appreciation for hitting 3k, i decided it's about time for a party around here... don't y'all? and what better way to get a party started than to get a little boozy! (haha get it? BOOzy? because ghost? no? okay i'll stop.)

THE RULES: below the cut will be a fun menu filled to the brim with delicious drinks! send me an ask with your order, and as long as it follows my general rules, i'll whip it right up for you! the idea here is each drink represents a different general trope, and you fill in the blanks with a character of your choosing (see below) as well as general ideas! below will be examples of requests. i will being doing as many of these requests as possible for this week, from april 3rd (today) to april 8th. starting april 9th, i have a different fun week planned for us to keep the party going, and will announce it on sunday <3

WHO I'M WRITING FOR: eddie munson, steve harrington, spencer reid, and joel miller. you must specify the character in your request, or i will not complete it.

EXAMPLES OF REQUESTS: "hi! can i get a filthy martini with eddie munson? maybe some overstimulation involving toys?" or "can i get a flute of champagne with joel miller? maybe what the end of the day looks like in the QZ!" you can get as specific or as vague as you'd like! these are just examples :-)

also, before we dive in, i've also filled this post with easter eggs towards just a few of my favorite fics/authors (and a couple of my own). i have added a link over each reference in case any of them catch your eye. i wouldn't have hit this milestone without all of these wonderful people who inspire and support me, and there was no way i wasn't sending a nod their way during this event. i love y'all endlessly <3

alright, onwards with the party bus, friends!

THE MENU:

🥃 WILLOW'S OLD-FASHIONED: angst

long week? a new job babysitting a rockstar that just cannot and will not behave? has that blonde coworker you just wish you could slap into the next week gotten on your final nerve? look no further! sit back and cry relax with one of our famous old-fashioneds!

🍷 ASH'S SPECIAL: hurt/comfort

whiskey and bitters not your cup of tea? be still your old heart! no worries! relax like the world's ending from your long week with a good book and a glass of our famous Sauvignon Blanc instead!

🥂 FLUTE OF CHAMPAGNE: fluff

sip on some of our top shelf Dom Perignon and get lost in the bubbles! this classic will have you feeling so good, it's almost as if you've traded bodies with your arch nemesis in a freaky friday ordeal. just don't think too hard about his... mechanics below the belt... or this drink might be a boner killer. let the good times roll!

🍸 FILTHY MARTINI: smut

feeling dirty? look no further. here at ghost's, we've got you covered with one of our dirty, downright filthy martinis. disclaimer: we are not legally responsible for you getting colorfully intimate with your friend's dad or if you end up in a 3-film-box-set porno deal. yeah, our lawyers make us put those disclaimers now. keep it in your pants, folks!

not looking to get tipsy tonight? no worries! check out our extended menu options - we've still got you covered <3

☕ CUP OF SUNSHINE: mutual pining

get it hot! get it iced! get it fresh! as long as you get it before it's gone! wake yourself up with a cup of our coffee brewed in-house. cream and sugar available upon request. (hot and dirty sex in the back room not available upon request.)

🥐 KARMEN'S CROISSANTS: exes to lovers

be sure to grab a snack during your night out! these croissants are absolutely to die for (just don't fall for your reaper, folks!). enjoy this lamented pastry in our favorite armchair by the window while enjoying one of our many books laid out for your pleasure!

easter eggs i'm unable to tag (aka banner):

the "yes" policy

and my own twenty-four hours

also, filthy martini is fully a shout out to the legend behind the man of the hour who has inspired a large majority of these fics as well as my own - mr. joseph quinn himself. may all his martinis be the absolute filthiest.

once again, thank you all. i will never know how to repay the kindness showed to me, so i will do what i do best - write. also, please keep in mind i have no idea how many requests i will receive. my hope is to complete as many as possible without driving myself to absolute madness; please be kind and patient with me <3

[jinnie-ret]

hii, its the anon who asked about lgbtq+ readers.

what i had in mind was a nonbinary 9th member who uses they/them pronouns and interviewers and talk how hosts etc keep misgendering them and using the wrong pronouns, saying how theyre the only female member. the boys are the one to keep adamantly correcting them, no matter how many times they have to do it. the reader would be annoyed at the interviewers but glad the boys had their back, maybe the boys reassuring them at the end.

obviously only write it if you feel comfortable, thank you for answering my original ask!! your writing is great and a big comfort, i honestly think youd be great at writing it but this is your blog and only write what you feel comfy writing <333

who I am

stray kids x ninth member non-binary!reader (platonic)

genre: angst, fluff

content warnings: ignorant interviewer, misgendering

word count: 1.4k

summary: the boys support y/n for who they are, and show them that they truly have their back when a podcast goes wrong.

Thank you so much! Ok! I finally wrote it! I hope that this brings you great comfort like my other fics do too! And please give me feedback that this was written okay because I would never want to misrepresent anyone or their feelings in my writing.

As always, like, reblog if you enjoyed, and my asks are open for any requests you may have. And let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post :)

MAIN MASTERLIST

"Welcome back to the podcast! Today we have a special guest, or guests, should I say, Stray Kids! Everyone give it up for Stray Kids!" the interviewer, Oscar, introduces us, the camera panning to us all sat in a cosy studio setting. We were currently in LA promoting our new album.

"Thank you inviting us!" Bang Chan says bashfully. We all knew of the podcast, well, us English speakers did, and we were so excited to be on the show.

"So, let's get right into it, you're here to talk about your new album, right?" Oscar smiles, looking down at his notes before asking us the question.

"Yeah, we've just released our new album 5STAR, and we hope that our fans enjoy it, and, yeah!" Felix begins to explain, smiling as he trails off, not knowing what else to add on. You give him a rub on the shoulder, letting him know that he was doing a good job. That's what you loved about being in Stray Kids, no matter who you were, you had each other's backs.

"It really is so cool to have you all here, and may I say, this really is a unique bunch of members you have here," Oscar waves his hands as he explains.

"Well, we like to think that we all bring something different to the table haha," you laugh along politely.

"Well, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, Y/N," Oscar turns his body towards you slightly.

The others go 'ohhh', making you blush slightly.

"You want to ask me?" you brush your hair back, your newly cut black mullet, which went down a treat with stays.

"Yes, the reason I say you're in quite a unique situation, is because, well, it's so rare to see 8 guys and a girl in one group together!" Oscar smiles.

Oh.

Your smile dropped.

Maybe you had gotten your hopes up, thinking he'd be talking about your input on the fashion of the group, considering it was quite well known, especially with the group's growing popularity that you created many of the pieces that yourself and the boys would wear.

But no. Somehow you didn't think that this topic would be brought up once again.

"Stray Kids is family, no matter what," Hyunjin spoke up, communicating as best he could in English that gender didn't matter.

The boys could sense your discomfort at Oscar blatantly calling you a girl. Surely he's done enough research that he knows you identify differently?

Even the less confident English speakers, Lee Know and Jeongin seemed to catch on what was happening.

"And what an interesting family you are indeed," Oscar didn't notice your unease or the slightly more defensive stances that the boys acquired from their seats.

"I also wanted to comment that I think Y/N is my bias, you guys!"

Seeming to think there was a more lighter mood in the room, Y/N themself to relax a bit and laugh along.

"Come on boys, don't be jealous, I just think she's got this special quality about her," Oscar continued, thinking the frowns on your members' faces were playfully jealous of his comment.

"They are very special to us, we feel lucky to have them in our group," Han spoke up, subtlely linking his pinkie with yours as a form of comfort. The boys knew that such situations like this still hurt you, because of how you struggled to understand why you felt different and finally knew why, it was frustrating when other people, who were clearly in a position to do some research, didn't know.

Of course you'd give the benefit of the doubt, maybe he didn't know and he might be apologetic, in which case it would all smooth over.

But it wasn't in this case.

"Actually, Oscar, Y/N is non-binary," Chan began, looking towards you to see if you wanted to continue.

"Yes, I use they/them pronouns and don't identify as either male or female, I'm just, me," you shrug it off and say casually, because that's how you felt it should be. It wasn't a big deal,.it was just who you are.

"Oh wow, that's quite interesting, so you don't look at it like she's your younger sister? Or you don't think that as a boyband you have a disadvantage having a female member?" Oscar furrowed his brows.

"We don't feel the need to recognise our member by a gender," Seungmin grabbed the mic provided by the studio and calmly spoke into it, it almost fully calmed you down, his soft voice as he spoke in English filling the room.

"It doesn't matter. We are a group. Just a group of people who like making music and entertaining our stays, and that's how they like it, so..." Felix's knee bobbed up and down, and you couldn't tell if the ray of sunshine was slowly turning into a thundercloud or if he was nervous to speak his mind. You were thankful either way.

"Right... I mean, it's funny, it must be weird, like having her as a novelty to the group, almost?" Oscar said genuinely, like he didn't see an issue in how he was conducting himself.

"They are best," Jeongin threw a cheeky smile your way, making the weight on your shoulders feel just a little bit lighter.

"We're a unit. A team. I mean, it's funny, we don't feel the need to separate ourselves based on gender," Chan passive aggressively said, using the man's previous words to show he would not take anymore ignorance to how his member was being treated.

"Look, I don't expect people to understand straight away, but I can appreciate them looking at me not just for what I believe is a socially constructed view, one that I don't align with, but for my talent," you slowly explained, nerves filling your body as you hoped the way that you had explained yourself had made sense and would get a message across to the interviewer.

"See, that's something I think would bring even more attention to your success! Y/N do you think that creating this facade has brought you more fans?" Oscar questioned, his kind intentions slipping away.

"Excuse me?" you were taken aback. Facade? He thought that you were pretending?

"Hyung? We can go now? Yeah, ok, great. We'll be leaving now, thank you for your time, I think," Chan sarcastically smiled at Oscar after getting the green light from their manager that they could leave.

"So, that wraps up our interview with Stray Kids today..."

You sighed as you all got into the van, leaving the studio all together. You sat in the back with Lee Know and Changbin.

"What did he say at the end?" Lee Know questioned, rubbing your knee soothingly.

"That I'm a fake," you scrunch your face, looking at the ceiling of the car to trap your tears and avoid them from escaping.

"He has no idea what he's talking about, Y/Nnie," Changbin turned to you as best he could at the back of the van.

"I just wish I could feel normal, but sometimes it's things like this that just alienate me from everyone else, you know?" you sigh, tapping your leg with your fingers to distract yourself.

"You're far from an alien, Y/N. We don't care about what other people say, you're a part of us. Chan hyung was right, we're a unit, and we'll stay as one forever," Hyunjin reassured you.

"Plus, if anyone is an alien, it's Hannie," Seungmin savagely chuckled.

"I'M AN ALIEN ON THIS EARTH!!!" Han took that as his cue to sing his song loudly, causing you to groan and cover your ears.

"Someone help him return to his home planet," you giggled, making the other boys laugh along with you.

"Seriously though, we've got you, hm? Stupid interviewers like that have no respect..." Jeongin shook his head, feeling irritated.

"He was nice at the start..." you trailed off, thinking about Oscar's bright personality which was for sure what brought in viewers and listeners of the podcast.

"But then he showed his true colours, he was rude, you didn't deserve the disrespect, end of," Chan said from the front of the car, making his voice a little louder than normal so everyone could hear.

"Thanks, Channie," you smiled, the two boys in the back of the car with you letting you relax against them as the stress seemed to leave your body.

They had your back, always.

tagged: @skz-streamer @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @kiraisastay