#had to finish this finally before RJ died in bed

[ohpsshaw]

I have been allowed to selfishly cut Drow's (@meanbossart) hair. Just to see... but this also seems like an essential part of Drow-tending, like shearing a big purple sheep. God knows what's stuck in there, and you KNOW this man doesn't brush any part of himself enough.

Unfortunately Typhus cannot always be trusted with the clippers. At least this ram can keep the shepherd in line...!

[solarsonicsoda]

Rebbie's Wrestling Reviews - Shows Reviews

AEW Revolution 2024

Sunday 3rd March 2024, it's AEW, it's Sting’s final match, this is AEW Revolution 2024! This show was built very well, and absolutely loaded up as a card without breaching Too Many Matches territory. Needless to say I’ve been hyped to watch this one! Sadly, I had a university class test worth 25% of a module on Monday, and I was woefully underprepared, so I couldn't justify staying up until 5am! I was able to catch the first hour before bed, plus the pre-show though! So without further ado, let's get into that pre-show!

Bang Bang Scissor Gang (Anthony Bowens, Max Caster, Billy Gunn, Jay White, Austin Gunn, & Colten Gunn def. Total Nonstop Arseholes (Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal, & Satnam Singh w/ Karen Jarrett & Sonjay Dutt), Private Party (Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen), & Willie Mack in 12:25

The signature Big Multi-Man Tag to Keep a Low Stakes Storyline Bubbling and Get Them on the Card match is on the pre-show on this night! Man, these TV Trope names are getting long… The Bang Bang Scissor Gang are the main focus here, the supergroup of The Acclaimed and Bullet Club Gold. This act is extremely frustrating for me, because their styles are just not blending, they have both been going nowhere, and most importantly: this group formed to take out the Undisputed Kingdom, which it has taken no steps to do! Why?! Anyways, Max Caster is at this point definitely doing a rap-failing gimmick, as he flubs his rap for the third time. I can’t say that's entralling but anyway. Let’s just focus on the match.

This was a fun mess of a match. It's your average big tag match, with a great moment as everyone in Team Jarrett does a Fargo Strut in unison. Love that. Why is Willie Mack on his team though? He’s a lovable guy! Billy Gunn gets a massive pop for his hot tag, and Jay White doesn't get a half bad one too. Our finish comes when there's all sorts of chaos, and out of it White is able to hit the Blade Runner on Willie Mack. 

Post-match, White then cuts a promo hyping up the show and suggests he’ll appear at Dynamite: Big Business to get himself back on track. This will go on to be confirmed as Darby Allin vs Jay White, which Darby will hilariously struggle to find about at the post-show presser. Should be good!

2.5 STARS OUT OF 5

We have a couple segments here, first with Orange Cassidy! OC is having to tape his ribs at Doc Samson’s request, and the champ tells the Best Friends to stay in the back, because he’s sick of his friends getting hurt. They oblige, and we have the all-for-one hands in, including Lexy and Samson. 

In our other segment: PAC is back! The Bastard cuts a great promo in one of his awesome stylised packages, promising he’s back soon. He even says he nearly “popped his clogs”, i.e DIED. I don't know what's gone on but all the best to Pac following that, and excited to see him

back!

Willow Nightingale & Kris Statlander w/ Stokely Hathaway def. Julia Hart & Skye Blue in 13:30

Time for these teams to finally put their feud to bed, as Willow & Stat take on Julia Hart and her cronie Skye Blue. I love both Willow and Stat, so I’m ready for this one!

This is decent, and it's really great how julia looks so at home now. Her improvement has been something else! There’s some small awkwardness in this one but also fun stuff from great wrestlers. We also have Stokely on commentary, which is a plus for just about anything. This one comes to an end when Williw reverses a Code Blue into a pounce and then hits the Babe With The Powerbomb for the win.

3 STARS OUT OF 5

In between all these segments, I have to say I love RJ City and Renee Paquette, they're so fun. RJ keeps referencing eggs when talking about the scramble match, and Renee accidentally calls Danielson “Daniel Bryan” at one point. Haha, that was his name in the other place! What a goof! I make truly transcendent commentary on these shows. Let's just get to the main show. 

Christian Cage (c) w/ Killswitch, Nick Wayne, & Mother Wayne def. Daniel Garcia for the TNT Championship in 16:52

Opening the show is our TNT Title match! Christian Cage has been killing it as the despicable Father Figure of AEW, whilst Garcia has been finally getting the sort of push he deserves, earning this shot after his great run in the Continental Classic. Cage has taken potshots at Garcia’s family, but Danny G has been unflappable in the face of it. I’m hyped for him and I hoped this would be his night! Let's see…

Garcia makes absolutely everything he does look so so so good, from his sells to his strikes to his slams. I am so invested in him right now. He targets the leg very well here, even though Christian gets some damage done. Danny brought the fight to Cage, and Killswitch interference is neutralised by “Daddy Magic” Matt Menard, Garcia’s mentor and friend who The Patriarchy took out. We had annearfall off a piledriver that I thought was it. However, a Nick Wayne stunner while the referee is distracted allows for a Killswitch from Cage and the win. A bit of a weak finish to be honest, but a good match! I honestly expected to see Adam Copeland getting involved to help Daniel

Garcia, potentially for the win which I hoped for. Oh well, great showing for Danny and I can't be unhappy that Christian’s great reign is carrying on! 

3.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Eddie Kingston (c) def. Bryan Danielson for the AEW Continental Championship, ROH World Championship, & NJPW STRONG Openweight Champion in 19:45

Next is the big Continental Crown match! Eddie Kingston wants Danielson to finally respect him, and if Eddie wins, Bryan has to shake his hand. Danielson wants that title though, and he wants to prove Eddie isn't good enough. C’mon Eddie! 

God, Eddie is so over. The atmosphere is amazing. This match would be awesome to see live. This was a great match that you’d expect from these two. I was getting ready for bed at the time that I first saw this, so maybe not at my most attentive. Hence, I gave it a rewatch and it did not disappoint. Great match. A strike exchange unwisely instigated by Danielson gives way to two powerbomb attempts from Eddie, and he finally lands it after countering a Busaiku Knee with a lariat, stacking the American Dragon for the win! 

Post-match, Dragon has to shake the hand of Eddie, but doesn't seem like he will, causing Eddie to back off. Bryan calls him back though, but then snubs him. He was only joking though, and calls Eddie back to shake his hand! He even raises his hand, having to switch to the uninjured left though! Great stuff!

4 STARS OUT OF 5

Wardlow (w/ Matt Taven & Mike Bennett) def. Brian Cage (w/ Prince Nana), Lance Archer (w/ Jake Roberts), Powerhouse Hobbs, Chris Jericho, Dante Martin, Hook, & Magnus in an All-Star Scramble for the No. 1 Contendership for the AEW World Championship in 16:22

We have the remnants of Meat Madness, the All-Star Scramble! Wardlow is on the war path, Archer & Hobbs are bringing some meat, as is Cage! Hook wants that rematch with Samoa Joe, Magnus & Dante Martin won qualifiers earlier in the week, and Jericho is here too. 

This one was a bit awkward in places but it had those “meat” chants, which I love, and some fun spots! I saw someone saying the “meat” chant is preventing unironic love of big men clashes, and I couldn't disagree more! I love the “meat” chant and what it signifies completely unironically. Don't get me wrong, I fully see how this is a chant that might get out of control, I fear the meat, but as of right now I love it. It's just an extra wrinkle of fun to help big up those giant clashes. Maybe that's just me though. In the end, a  big powerbomb from Wardlow to Dante wins it for the Undisputed Kingdom man. 

3 STARS OUT OF 5

Roderick Strong (w/ Matt Taven & Mike Bennett) def. Orange Cassidy (c) for the AEW International Championship in 12:43

International Title on the line here, as the Undisputed Kingdom’s Roderick Strong takes on Orange Cassidy! Roddy has been on a mission to claim this title since the group’s inception, but he faces a challenge in the workhorse champion Orange Cassidy. Cassidy’s second reign has definitely been underwhelming though, as that first reign was so brilliant and his loss was such a great story. Him winning it back obviously came from somewhat of a comedy of injuries, but he really should have moved on. Him beating Moxley was great though. I just would have put the belt on an underutilised great to raise their stock. I don't know. OC is battered though, especially that back! Match time! 

I wanna start by stating that the Messiah of the Backbreaker ring style is so so so good. Everything is setting up so nicely, he hits so many great backbreakers, and I always forget how good he is before seeing a big match of his! Just so many cool uses of Strong’s offence, that End of Heartache countered into a Stundog Millionaire was awesome! Really fun match here, with an End of Heartache getting the win for Strong! New champion! 

Then post match, coming up from behind, IT’S KYLE O’REILLY! The Violent Artist has been out for nearly two years but he’s back! He looks absolutely crazed behind Strong, but he takes him in for a hug. Strong invites him to the Undisputed Kingdom, but he rejects an invite, placing the t-shirt back on Roddy’s shoulder, before heading back up the ramp. Bit awkward but I think we’re all too happy to see Kyle! He’s welling up and saying thank you to the crowd, and it's all very nice.

3.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Blackpool Combat Club (Jon Moxley & Claudio Castagnoli) def. FTR (Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood) in 21:47

This one oughta be good! FTR and the BCC have been tussling recently after Moxley and Castagnoli staked their claim as a top tag tema in AEW. They fought on Dynamite, but that ended in a time limit draw just as FTR had them beat. Now it’s time we get a final winner. 

Coming to the ring, BCC have LOD-style shoulder pads! That’s awesome! This one was an awesome fight. Nice striking, cool tag action, and it gets so so good as it goes on! Claudio's mid-Doomsday Device counter, Dax’s battle scars, the uppercut Doomsday Device, the uppercut from Cash’s dive, Claudio's frantic sleeper to ensure Mox got the win: so many amazing moments and this one was absolutely great stuff!

Post-match, there's clear respect but no shaking of hands. They don't need it, they did it in the ring.

4.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Toni Storm (c) (w/ Mariah May & Luther) def. Deonna Purrazzo for the AEW Women's World Championship in 12:17

Old friends clash as Toni Storm must defend against Deonna Purrazzo, who isn't a fan of the new delusional persona of the Timeless One. It seems Toni Storm is reverting to her classic look though, but after a good few takes, everybody realises it’s really Mariah May! Genuinely uncanny, I really thought it was for her for a minute. 

This match was decent enough, I wish it had a little bit more to it though. There was some nice technical work from Deonna, which I’m a big fan of, but I feel like this one just needed some extra meat on the bones. Our finish comes when Toni is tapping to the Venus de Milo but Toni’s beloved butler Luther. distracts the ref, allowing for Mariah to provide a distraction. Henceforth, Toni hits Storm Zero and wins! Smashing! Thinking back though, did she actually even attempt the Break a Leg which I assumed was introduced for this clash? Not sure, maybe worth a rewatch.

3 STARS OUT OF 5

Will Ospreay def. Konosuke Takeshita in 21:57

The Don Callis Family implodes!... but in a friendly way. Ospreay is debuting, Takeshita gets a big PPV match, yippee!

This was a clash definitely reminiscent of Ospreay’s back catalog of indie main events. Both he and Takeshita bring plenty of extra style from both men’s time in Japan too though. But it was definitely more about awesome moves and counters than story and selling in places. It was pretty awesome though! Takeshita is simply amazing in my opinion. Everything he does has such an impact. He did so well, and is offence is so great: the Takeshita Line, the big knee, the sheer brainbuster, it's all so good. The Oscutter counter with the Blue Thunder Bomb was simply amazing too! As was the counter into the Package Tombstone/German combo! I do wish that one in particular wasn't the spot where Ospreay did a fighting spirit Hidden Blade, and I especially wish he didn't immediately have the strength to cover, but Takeshita got to kick out at one so I’m mostly appeased there. Ospreay is obviously getting a lot of plaudits for this one, not undeservedly, but I just think that Takeshita deserves so much more. He’s maybe my favourite in-ring wrestler right now. His style, personality, and skill are just perfect for me. I want this faction to stop being about Don and start being about Takeshita. He’s incredible. Anyway, back to the match. It was definitely great, I think! I do wish Ospreay sold everything as he went a bit more though. Definitely moved a tad fast for my taste, I wish he had just given everything a smidge more breathing room. I know it was the type of match where it's all action, and I loved it for that, but I feel like you can do the same match in the same style just truly ticking over into an all-timer with a little bit more of it, as well as a proper story. There’s a story to the match forming, but it's definitely sparser than expected. This was pretty awesome though. Ospreay is able to hit the hidden blade for the win. I do wish Takeshita got put away with something more but I’m just a big Takeshita fan, and this is just match one for Ospreay in AEW.

Kyle Fletcher vs Will Ospreay is announced for Wednesday Night Dynamite, which will go on to main event the show! 

4.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Samoa Joe def. "Hangman" Adam Page & Swerve Strickland (w/ Prince Nana) in a triple threat for the AEW World Championship in 19:41

This is one of my favourite AEW builds in a while! Slightly odd injury angle for Page aside, it's been cool. The hottest feud of 2023 is heading into the AEW World Championship scene! Hangman Adam Page is rightly mad after everything Swerve put him through, and is determined to stop him winning the title. Swerve Strickland is extremely popular despite his unhinged tendencies, and is determined to become champion. Samoa Joe is a big nasty champion and he does not care for their squabbling. When Page doesn't seek to find a winner when they draw in a Number One Contendership match, thinking Swerve will now lose his championship shot, but instead they're both getting one! How does this one play out? 

There’s so much story here in an awesome triple threat. Hangman absolutely loses it here, and it’s brilliantly done. Seeing his treatment of the referees and more really cemented this unraveled character. I see a lot of people saying this is a heel turn for Page, and I do agree, but I really hope it remains consistent and he is only a heel because of Swerve. If I see him being a heel without it being because he is obsessed with stopping Swerve, or because he’s losing his mind about Swerve, or he thinks someone is a fan of Swerve, I will be unhappy. Please. I think the whole character remains much more interesting that way, and true to his character and the type of arcs he serves best, y’know? Swerve should be a tweener I think, because the crowd reaction is ramping up, but he will lose so much of his charm if he doesn't remain a cocky, cold worldbeater. I want him feuding with faces once he wins the belt. I want him to remain the Swerve we love, and maybe build to Page finally getting that singles win over Swerve. 

Anyway, back to the match. Swerve looked so awesome and did everything so well here, he’s on the top of his game. Joe, as always, is a beast. The Swerve Buckshot Lariat from the corner was an electric moment, super cool and a great story detail. Hangman was also awesome, as per. Swerve is on top, looks to be putting Hangman away, but Joe comes in with the Coquina Clutch on Hangman! It’s not on for too long when Page taps, with Swerve’s dreams crushed. He definitely did this to deny Swerve, which they speculate about on commentary. I would have loved it if they were facing each other for that moment and we saw Hangman choose to do it, but it seems they want some ambiguity. 

Swerve looks so heartbroken post-match, as if he knows this man should have more after everything they’ve been through. I would honestly love if this develops into a story about Swerve fighting Hangman into refinding his way, perhaps with a title change or two! It looks like we’re getting Swerve vs. Joe at Dynasty, the new PPV announced on this night, and I do hope this is where Swerve wins the big one. I did kind of want a title change here, but Joe has been so awesome I’m totally happy he gets a longer reign. I was not convinced at first but he's been a great champion and has definitely shown in the last year or so that he can still go at a high level, which I think some of us might have questioned. Great match though!

4 STARS OUT OF 5

Sting & Darby Allin (w/ Steven Borden Jr. & Garrett Borden) def. The Young Bucks (Matthew & Nicholas Jackson)

In 1985, the man called Sting wrestler his first match, and in 2024, aged 64, he wrestled his last. Sting and his biggest ally in recent years, Darby Allin, became the Tag Team Champions in the build to this one, making this final match a title match against The Young Bucks. The Bucks are now touting their EVP positions, playing corporate nightmares who took issue with Sting, leading to a brutal beatdown. They want to retire Sting here with a blemish on his perfect record. 

This is an awesome hardcore spotfest with real heart given the occasion. Sting’s sons get involved early on after an emotionally charged promo video, and an emotionally charged entrance to Seek and Destroy with the Borden Boys dressed as the surfer and Wolfpac variants of Sting. Them hitting Stinger Splashes was a great moment. Glass is also brought in early on! Go cry me a river! It’s set up very nicely for Darby to do the scariest dumbest spot ever! I loved it! He flips off a ladder in the ring, through this glass pane set up on chairs on the outside, after one of the EVPs moves. The look of his back is something else. Shortly after, Sting goes through a pane of glass! He is 64! Darby is a terrible influence on him! This was also awesome though. Another fun spot is when duel superkicks are preceded by an emotional sentiment of “we’re not sorry, we hate you” from the EVPs. Sting doesn't take that though, even if he is two-on-one. This was just a great time from start to finish! Sting and Darby retain when they dump Nicholas through a table, Scorpion Death Drop on Matthew, kick out, but a Coffin Drop into a Scorpion Deathlock combo wins it! Fuck you, this was the right decision. It was much more fun to just have him win and silence the heels, just like he always has. A Tag Team Title tournament could really help refresh that division too! 

Sting thanks the fans, and Darby, and it's all very emotional on the mic post-show. He's getting “you still got it” chants and Darby is whispering time cues. Sting says “Hold on, I’m getting cues” and the ppv ends… uhhhh

Sting goes on to say his goodbyes to the live crowd, as Darby takes his leave to go to the hospital. There’s people crying in the audience, but Sting is keeping it pretty jovial. Tony Khan says a few words and the roster gathers at the top of the ramp to see off The Icon. Dax Harwood appears to be bawling his eyes out. Sting heads up the ramp and thus ends a legendary career. 

I have no idea how to rate this one to be honest. It's a very subjective match to be honest, at least for how brilliant it is for you. I don't think you can deny it was a touching send-off for Sting, it was a good time. Some say it's instantly five stars, and I could definitely see it. Sting was always someone I never really grew up with: WCW ended before I was born, he was an elder statesman of TNA when I got into that, and I wasn't watching WWE very faithfully when he had his short run. For this reason, maybe this match doesn't hit me perfectly like it does everyone well but I can't help but love it for everything it was. My favourite Sting may be Joker Sting, but I appreciate the brilliance of The Stinger. 

4 STARS OUT OF 5

Final Thoughts

Overall, this was an awesome show. Not a bad match on it for my money, and up and down the card it was different but brilliant matches. AEW are known for great PPVs, but this is definitely one of their best in recent memory! I think summing all up, this one has to be 4.5 stars out of 5.

[strangerthingfanfic]

Chapter 2: Help

March 26, 2022

“And that’s when I went into a coma and woke up here,” Max said to the small group of people who had gathered to listen.

Daryl’s dog had laid next to her. She patted his back and tried to keep her cool.

She didn’t like speaking in front of people but she got through it and was proud of herself.

“My name is Aaron and Daryl is my husband and Gracie there is our daughter,” said one of the people who had come in. “You've been through a lot, how would you like some hot cocoa”?

Max nodded and replied “yes, please”. Aaron smiled warmly and headed to what must be the kitchen. Max kept feeling this strange sense of familiarity but tried to ignore it. She looked back at the two young girls who were still sitting and staring up at her.

“My name is Gracie and this is Judith” one of the girls finally said. “Nice to meet you both” Max said and sat down on the floor with them.

“What was it like meeting a real elf” Judith asked excitedly. “Well honestly I just spent a little time with her but she let off an aura of love and support so it was easy to trust her” Max said trying to remember the encounter. “My brother and mom like that stuff so they will be so excited to hear more about it” Judith said excitedly.

“Hopefully we can get you home so you can help your friends,” Gracie said as Aaron passed around cups of hot cocoa. Max nodded and sipped at the cocoa.

“This is the best cocoa I’ve ever tasted” Max exclaimed. “I make it from scratch, no powdered stuff here,” Aaron said beaming with pride. Max finished her drinking with two gulps which fascinated the two young girls and then turned her attention to Daryl and Aaron who were talking quietly to each other.

“Where did you say you found me?” Max asked questioningly to the two men. “I found you on a supply run Max. You were laying in a bed in an abandoned hospital. The thing is you couldn’t have been there for more than a couple of hours before I found you since your body was warm and you weren’t malnourished or anything” Aaron said looking worryingly at the girl.

“It was the elf lady. She said I needed to find help then I woke up here” Max said looking at the wall. Her head hurt and she felt so alone. Suddenly she felt a hand on her back. She looked over and there was Gracie with a warm smile and she said “we will get you home and help your friends”.

“You said you are from Hawkins huh?” Daryl said from his chair. “Yeah, Hawkins, Indiana” Max said softly. Daryl just grunted and turned his attention back to the fireplace. “Makes sense. My brother Merle and I were there in 84’ visiting my uncle, Jim Hopper. We heard he died in an explosion caused by Russians” Daryl continued with the same amount of non-interest in his voice.

“He didn’t die but was captured and taken to Russia. He managed to escape and make it back or at least that’s what I heard while comatose” Max said sadly.

Daryl huffed and said, “that town is a cesspool. I would rather be living in the world of the dead than in Hawkins. I knew that even when I was 14”.

Aaron looked angrily over at Daryl but knew how to get the final laugh. “Just so you know Daryl the cabin we are staying in had the name Hopper outside and the sign near the hospital I found young Max here said Hawkins, Indiana. I think we aren’t here by mistake. We are here to help Max and the people of Hawkins” Aaron said amused by the reaction that garnered from Daryl. Even Gracie and Judith had a good laugh when his face went pale and his grip on the chair tightened so much you could see the veins in his hands.

Aaron went over and started to massage Daryl’s shoulders when the door to the cabin opened making everyone jump. Once everyone settled down Aaron introduced the new comers to Max.

“Max this is Rick Grimes, his wife Michonne Grimes, and their sons RJ and Carl. You already know their daughter Judith. Also, that’s Negan and his wife Lucille and their daughter Lydia and last is Maggie and her son Hershel along with her father, Hershel Sr.”

Max waved shyly. Aaron caught the others up as Max looked around the cabin. Now she knew what the familiar feeling was. She was close to her family. She started recognizing little things like a hole where El had pushed the bookcase and El’s bedroom where they used to have sleepovers. She headed in and to her surprise the soda bottle they used was still under the bed.

She wiped the tears forming away quickly and headed back and with a resolve, she hadn't felt for a long time she announced “I know how to get us back and how to stop Vecna and possibly make it so the dead don't rise”.

Everyone looked at her. “How do you know about the dead,” Negan asked suspiciously keeping himself between the newcomer and Lydia. Lucille slapped the back of his head but with her new resolve, Max said “I saw it on a paper when I was sent here, and then Daryl mentioned it again so I just put the two together.

Seeing her strength and the resolve on her face the others nodded, finally Rick, broke the silence and asked: “How are we going to do that young lady”? Max smiled and said “let me explain”.

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 3--Hunted.

 Most of you lovelies already realize this, but my thoughts tend to zig and zag quite a bit, lol.  So.  To save some of you the headache and spare you from seeing spoilers you’d rather not see yet, I’m again placing them behind a cut.  

First things first.  I have totally turned into Yvette Nicole Brown with her TWD notebooks, lol, and I’m not even sorry.  I just felt like it would be fun to go back when the final episode is in the books and see how well my thoughts from these early episodes line up with what I’m feeling when we say our (not-so) final goodbyes.  

But that’s enough about that. Let’s get to this thing.  

It really is insane how very much I love Melissa McBride.  Just hearing her doing the previously on TWD recap voiceover makes me ridiculously happy.  

Cole!  Dude!  We hardly knew ya.  

Not gonna lie.  That first shot of Maggie in all the chaos reminded of a shirt I’ve seen.  It says--”Well, well, well.  If it isn’t the consequences of my actions.”  

I have to hand it to Angela and the rest of her team.  These opening scenes--on all 3 episodes--have been BOMB so far.  They really hook you in right away.  At least IMHO.  

I realize I’m behind the game on this little tidbit, but how much do I adore the fact that Dog is now in the opening credits?  

Okay.  Alexandria might look like it’s been on some kind of post-apocalyptic bender but all our girls are looking beautiful as ever.  Maybe it’s Maybelline, lol.  

I love to see Kelly and Carol still gravitating toward each other.  It really speaks to each woman’s heart.  Carol wants to make amends so badly and Kelly just has the most lovely, warm, forgiving heart.  

Carol’s point about Alexandria still needing the horses to help with the heavy lifting and pointing out the walls and rebuilding won’t matter quite as much if they’re limited by their  hunger and what they can physically lift on their own isn’t wrong.  But I’m sure the same viewers that were okay with Daryl and Co. going out on Maggie’s suicide mission (using the same reasoning) and saying it made sense for the bigger picture will pretend not to recognize that the same element is there in Carol’s desire to go out there and look for the horses.  You know.  Because it was Carol’s idea and not that of their fave(s).  

Aaron, Man.  Or maybe I should say Angela.   You just had to put a pit of dread in my belly mentioning Buttons like that.  RIP, Buttons.  You deserved better.  I’m still traumatized.  

Look at all the babies bonding.  Look at RJ getting to sit at the big kid table.  

“My mom always comes back.”  She damn well better.  Those babies need her.  Until she does, though, Uncle Daryl and Aunt Carol (and Aunt Rosita and everybody else) are going to be there.  

Anyway.  Poor RJ.  He barely ever gets any lines, lol.  

Hershel and Judith are obviously the mini-adults in this group and baby Rhee is already more cynical and jaded than his sweet daddy was until they reached Alexandria and the wheels started to come off.  

So.  Does Maggie just think everybody’s already dead here or what?  Hmm.  

You know.  Any building can be creepy AF when the lights are off and it’s dark, lol.  Any building.  

So much darkness so far this season.  I’m going to have to invest in some blackout curtains.  I just know it.  

Where are all those stairs leading?  Why am I thinking of Hitchcock?  Am I mixing up my scary, suspenseful movies?  Probably.  

Of fucking course, Maggie dropped her flashlight.  Thank goodness she had that lighter at the ready just before Ghost Face Reaper took a swipe at her.  

Is that Father G with a screwdriver impaled in his thigh?  Listen.  These people deserve a Mega Bottle of pain killers and a week just vegging out in a soft, luxurious bed.  

All these horror movie tropes.  Some of them are cheesy, yes.  But I’m totally here for it.  

LMAO.  That’s it, Maggie.  A good old punch in the nuts works every time.  

Alden really is having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.  

Negan is still Negan.  Self-serving and looking out for number one.  But I believe the man really does feel the group is his group too.  He’s like that long lost, sketchy uncle nobody wants to acknowledge much less invite to the dinner table, but that bond?  However thin?  Is there.  

I am both hating that Maggie is being forced to work with the man that murdered her husband (my baby Glenn) and finding it fascinating the lengths she’s willing to go to survive.  This your plan, Angela?  

Rosita and Carol!  How sad is it that the last really significant scene I can remember the two of these women sharing was way back?  Before Rick and Co. attacked Negan’s outpost and Maggie and Carol were subsequently taken?  If only the show had done more of these kind of scenes.  

How much do I love all the girls working together?  Gimps would never.  They’d all be stuck back at Alexandria minding the kids and the community.  

Shallow aside--Rosita is so pretty in this scene.  

Rosita being worried about Carol honestly makes my heart hurt, because it’s about damn time more of them actually did.  Her saying Abraham is trying to tell her something in her dreams is interesting.  Angela sure loves her dreams, doesn’t she?  

Where are Daryl’s dreams, hmm?  No.  Seriously.  I guess they want to give some viewers plausible deniability until the bitter end.  

“Really?  We’re just gonna go toward the screaming?  Cool.”  Hahaha.  You know.  Even the smart people in horror movies sometimes bite it, Negan.  Just saying.  Maggie really does need to “stop running up the staircase” when she could just run out the front door though, lol.  

Poor Duncan.  I think you could have been another Tyreese, Jerry type for me.  

WTF does this show have against horses?  Those poor creatures.  

Kelly is totally me right now.  I’d be freaking inconsolable.  

Carol needed that hug.  Thank you, Magna.  From the bottom of this tired fangirl’s heart, thank you.  

Why give us that beautiful, golden shot with the horses when you’re planning to stab us through the heart later and twist the knife.  Oh.  Yeah.  That’s exactly why.  

Oh snap!  Father G’s delivery when he tells that Reaper “I’m not.  God isn’t here anymore.”  Cold as ice.  

Judas.  That the Reapers’ work.  Or.  Damn.  Either way, that’s harsh.  

Back to what Alden was saying.  All these oprhaned children.  Who’s going to take on Adam if he dies?  That poor kid has had a rough go of it.  Knowing that, makes you wonder what Alden was thinking volunteering for the suicide mission.  

Omigosh.  There went Agatha.  Terrible way to go.  Right, Beatrice?  

I’m sobbing.  Carol with the horse.  That hurt my baby so much but she hurt herself for her family the same way she has been doing since the Prison.  Melissa Mcbride?  When she cries, I cry.  Every effin’ time.  Aaron being there just made it hurt more.  But at least someone was there to see how and really take in how she continues to break pieces of herself off to keep her family as whole and safe and happy as she can.  

Rewinding a minute--that Magna and Carol conversation.  I get Magna’s reasoning too.  I do.  But Angela is just making everything so dire right now so that the sun when Connie is ultimate found shines a ltitle brighter.  

Those babies know they’re eating horse.  I could never.  

That’s got to be a different Coco.  She’s even smaller.  But she’s gorgeous.  

Fucking finally.  Angela having the other characters notice after an eternity of being blind to it, just how much Carol sacrifices of herself for them.  It’s so long overdue and I imagine Rosita’s even more worried for Carol now.  It’s a shame it’s taken 11 seasons.  My baby’s had blood on her hands trying to keep her family safe and whole and happy and fed for a long damn time.  So heartbreaking watching her try to scrub the blood away.  

Sweet, sweet hug that Kelly gave Magna.  She’s such a sweetheart kid sis to all of them, isn’t she?  

Interesting place of refuge.  A gutted church.  A visual symbol, Angela, of where Maggie and the rest of our people are now perhaps?  

“It’s easy for you, isn’t it?  Being reckless with sombody’s life...”  Maggie.  Maggie.  Those words would have hit so much harder if we hadn’t spent the majority of the last 2.5 episodes watching you ignore sound advice just because it came out of the mouth of somebody you (justifiably) hate.  

But will Alden be there when Maggie and Negan get back?  That is the question.  Or will he eventually Lucille himself?  

That little bit of lineup Negan music to remind the audience of Negan lovers and sympathizers that he once took great pleasure in murderously swinging a bag at people’s heads was a nice, subtle touch there.  Like agree with her or not, Maggie  is literally left to rely  on the hope, however small it is, that Negan has changed just enough that he won’t try to finish a job he taken on years before--killing what’s left of her.  

Oh lawd.  Next episode sees the return of a character literally nobody asked for.  How excited am I not?  

Dog better not be harmed or so help me.  

Now for Angela’s weekly explanations of WTF she/there were thinking because they been doing this plausible deniability thing so long some people out there watching with biased, muddy stan glasses can no longer separate head canon from canon.  

Is Maggie worried at all about Daryl or does she just assume his superhero powers are in full effect in this episode?  

“You can’t really say it wasn’t going to happen anyway.”  Not Angela pointing out that simply laying the blame for literally everything bad that ever happens at Carol’s feet isn’t the answer.  Say it louder for those in the back.  Alpha was going to do what Alpha wanted to do.  

“There is love there.  There is respect there.  However, there’s also frustration...”  You damn skippy.  Friendships and human relationships are complex AF.  Like Carol. She’s honestly one of the most complicated characters on this show and any show, IMHO.  That’s what makes her so memorable and such a lightning rod for discussion.  

I know I might be in a minority, but I really feel like they need more of those little scenes between the kids to keep things real.  

Kang saying she always feels like she’s going to get murdered in a staircase or parking lot is relatable, funny, and sad all at the same time.  It’s a girl thing.  

Why is Carol’s story giving me Dark Knight vibes?  Like I feel like she’ll gladly shoulder the burden of their distrust, their hate, or their judgment as long as the hard choices she makes keeps them safe.  And she’s still ultimately going to come back to save their asses even when they forsake her.  Just like Bruce Wayne/Batman.  Am I reaching too far, lol?  Because sometimes I do that.  

Anyway.  This is the third episode of the season and the third episode in a row that I mostly enjoyed.  I don’t know if I’m just so relieved and happy to have all the characters and my show back or what, but overall?  I’ve been pleased with the episodes and found something to love in all of them.  

There’s a much stronger horror vibe woven throughout Season 11 so far.  I feel like it’s a return to the roots of the show and I like that.  Literally none of the characters are making perfect choices and this viewer is here for it.  My only complaint so far is there hasn’t been enough Carol but what we’ve been given has felt like a gift and significant in a way that Gimps’ version was not.  Also?  I really hope the trend of the ladies working together and supporting each other continues because they rule the TWD world, lol.  

Hope you enjoyed at least some of my TWD word vomit.  

Until next episode.  

[alwayschoosechocolate]

Reaction: Y/n having philophobia (the fear of falling in love) [Hyung line]

Requested by @agustdbaby93​​

A/N: This is my first time ever doing a reaction and it took me ages to figure out how to make it work for me, but I really liked writing it! Thank you for requesting this, @agustdbaby93​! Maknae-line will be posted tomorrow! Enjoy!

My masterlist can be found here!

Post for the maknae line

Seokjin: 

You still awake?

The message had ticked in around 11pm. Not too late. But still. Definitely too late for an idol who was bound for an international flight at 6am the next day. Still you couldn’t help the feeling of dread and nervousness from spreading in your chest, almost cutting off your oxygen-supply. 

You’d planned to slowly minimize the contact with him and then just ghost him when he went abroad. You were sure to get your heart broken anyway so there was no use in even trying to get this working. Whatever this was. 

Really it was still nothing. You had been texting back and forth after meeting at a bar a few weeks ago. He had chatted you up and you had been absolutely sure he’d done it as a dare. But he had been unbelievably sweet and considerate, and despite not really being able to meet up afterwards because of the risk of him getting recognized, you had had a few virtual dates where he had ordered food to your house and facetimed with you while you both ate. It had been a bit unorthodox though still very nice and more than anything sweet of him to go through such lengths to figure out a way to meet up casually and not put too much pressure on either of you.

However, he had put up a much bigger fight than you had thought he would, when you started withdrawing yourself. Somehow he seemed to sense what you were planning, cause suddenly he was calling and facetiming you constantly, sending your small messages throughout the day of what he was doing, always with a goofy photo sure to make you smile. 

So when his message came in it seemed too much of a coincidence, but you had your plan and you were sticking to it. 

Placing your phone face down, you turned back to the show playing on your computer as you tried to concentrate on the drama once again only to jump out of your own skin in surprise when your doorbell rang. 

For a moment you were stunned, simply staring towards the still locked door with wide eyes and a thundering heartbeat as if the door would magically swing open and reveal whoever was on the other side. 

When it rang again you were finally kicked into action, quickly lifting your laptop off your lap and scurrying to the door answer it. 

Before you’d even reached the door, you had a sinking feeling in your chest and when you pulled it open to reveal Jin on the other side with an RJ-plushie under his arm and a tub of ice-cream in his hand, it felt like your heart actually stopped for a second. Despite how you’d tried to avoid him, your heart didn’t seem to care and was current trying to peck its way out of your chest. 

“So I don’t know why you’re avoiding me, but I am not leaving the country until I figure it out,” he spoke softly, though there was a clear teasing tone to his voice and flicker in his eyes as he sent you a shy smile. “I bought ice-cream as an excuse for being a jerk. Cause I know you don’t like this stuff. This stuff being feelings,” he clarified, making you roll your eyes in feigned annoyance as you waved him into your apartment. 

“I’m not avoiding you...” you started, though you knew it would be hard to keep up the act in front of him. Especially since he had already grabbed two spoons from your kitchen and was making his way to the couch, where he immediately made himself comfortable with the ice and his plushie, sending you a patient stare along with a soft smile as if to say: “I know that’s not true, but I will wait until you admit that yourself.”

Huffing in slight annoyance, you walked to the couch and accepted the spoon he handed you, digging out a spoonful from the tub of ice cream and popping it in your mouth. Eating in silence for a few moments, you finally give in to his stubbornness with a sigh. 

Finally lifting your eyes, you immediately found his already trained on yours with a slight concerned frown to his face that he was trying, and failing, to hide. 

“Alright fine. I might have been avoiding you,” you admitted with a sigh as you quickly occupied both your eyes and hands with getting another spoonful of ice-cream, too afraid of his reaction. 

“Why?”

The question was justified and definitely to expect and yet it suddenly made you unsure of the situation. Had you been overthinking it? Was there even anything to avoid? 

“I...” 

“Cause I thought we really had something good here,” he interrupted you as he popped another spoonful of ice-cream in his mouth and eyed you with the observance of a hawk. “Hmm?” 

Unable to disagree with him, you simply nodded with wide eyes, too afraid to speak. 

“Are you avoiding me because you don’t want something more? Cause if that is the case, then just tell me and I’ll back off,” he offered with a curious eyebrow, pausing for a second to see if you’d disagree. 

“No,” you whispered timidly, huffing in annoyance with yourself for letting him in. 

In your apartment or your heart?, the voice in your head snickered. 

“Why then?” 

“Jin, this isn’t gonna work anyway, and you seem way more interested in this than I do and -”

“So?”

Feeling the rest of your arguments dry up on your tongue, you looked up to find him calmly returning your gaze causing you to cock your head in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” 

“What does it matter if I’m more interested in you than you are in me?”, he asked, RJ plushie secured in his grasped and patient eyes against your anxious ones. 

“Well, it’s not fair. And you’ll end up getting hurt...”

“Ah, but that’s my decision to make, isn’t it?” 

Again his calm voice interrupted your thoughts, making you halt and furrow your eyebrows in confusion. 

“What?”

“I have no problem with you not being sure about what this is yet,” he shrugged as he took another spoonful of ice-cream. “I know what I want, which is you and I don’t mind waiting til you make up your mind,” he finished before eating the ice-cream. 

“And what if I decide I don’t want you?”, you whispered timidly, suddenly wishing you were the one with a plushie to hide behind. 

“Then I’ll leave you alone. As I said, it’s my decision if I want to risk my heart or not. But for you, I don’t mind waiting,” he smirked as he winked at you, making your hear gallop away as you tried to make out his words. 

“Look, I know you’re scared, but this really doesn’t have to be a big deal until you’re ready for it to be,” he spoke softly, as he reached over for your hand, his still cold from holding the tub of ice-cream. His cold hands against your skin pierced through the fog in your mind and suddenly made you aware of how close you were sitting. Eyes snapping up to meet his brown orbs staring into yours, every argument you’d ever used against such a situation died out on your tongue. “Can’t we just enjoy this while it unfolds instead of dreading the possible end of it?”, he whispered as he leaned even closer, his breath now ghosting your skin. 

“Either we stay together forever or we break up,” you whispered with closed eyes when you felt his lips ghost your cheek, still trying to find reason in a heartled situation. For him or for you, you weren’t sure. 

“So?”, he chuckled against the shell of your ear as he pressed a kiss against the sensitive skin just below your ear. “That’s a 50/50 chance. I’m willing to take that risk.” 

Pulling back enough to see your eyes, he seemed to search them for an answer to an unvoiced question before he slowly leaned in again, eyes locked with yours as his lips halted an inch from yours. 

“Aren’t you?”

Unable to put words to your thoughts, you followed the commands of your body as you closed the distance between your lips, answering his question not with words but with actions.

Yoongi:

“Marry me?” 

Despite the words being a common exchange between the two of you, today you really didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with it you thought with an annoyed huff, immediately pushing yourself off his chest and off the bed, leaving him naked and uncovered on the mattress.

You had started of as friends.

Not best friends, but still very close. 

You’d know each other for a long time and were comfortable with each other. And it was meant to be a one time thing only.

Despite the number of girls throwing themselves at him, Yoongi still needed an emotional connection with the person in order to enjoy sex with them. 

Hence, you came into the picture. 

In the beginning you’d really enjoyed it - excellent sex with a gorgeous man. What’s not to like, right? 

Exactly those two words; marry me.

It was a joke between the two of you. That if the public ever found out, you would act like you’d been married all the time. It was all in good fun and the sex definitely added to the fun, but things had gotten out of hand.

The marriage thing started as a joke, but lately Yoongi had gotten very loose with the words, throwing them around every time you came over. 

The rest of his members only laughed it off, already sure that your were dating and thus it was a harmless inside joke to them.

But to you it hit home.

Cause you weren’t dating. You were only fucking. 

And in your world there was a lot of steps between fucking and marrying.

“Why on earth would you think I wanted to get married to you?”, you cackled in a mocking tone, as you flitted around the room gathering your clothes off the floor, desperate to avoid eye-contact with him. 

“Well, you never want to talk about us actually becoming a couple..”, he trailed off, lazily eyeing you as you moved about the room. 

“And you think the solution is to propose to me?”, you snorted out, eyes still trained on the floor as you tried to calm your racing heart and your shallow breaths.

“I don’t know, Y/n. I’m running out of options,” he complained in a huff as he pushed himself off the bed to pull on his pants. “You didn’t want to go on a date, you won’t even allow me to buy you dinner. What do I have to do for you to see this as an actual relationship and not just us hooking up?”, he whined with a huff as he pulled a t-shirt over his head, glaring at you as he did.

“Well, I’ll give you a clue. Marriage isn’t the solution!”, you shrieked as you whipped around to face him, voice shrill and your eyes widened in panic. “Things are fine as they are!”

Angrily pulling on your coat, you grabbed your purse from the table and stalked to his bedroom door, whipping around to deliver one final comment, only to find him directly behind you with a stubborn look on his face. 

“I don’t care if things are fine, Y/n,” he grumbled as he reached around you and pulled open the door. Ever the gentleman, even in the middle of an argument. “I want more. I want you. And if I can only get that by marrying you, that that’s what I’ll do.”

Rolling your eyes at his comment you stepped out of his room and walked down the hall towards the living room and the front door. 

“I know it might be hard to get through your thick skull, Min Yoongi, but not every girl on the planet dreams of marrying you,” you shot back as you finally made it to the living room, where 3 pairs of eyes met yours the second your stepped in.

Great. Seemed like the Maknae-line had heard everything. 

“Then what do you want, Y/n?”, Yoongi drawled in an annoyed voice as he reached for your wrist only for you to retract it as if he’d burned it. Despite the hurt he felt at your actions, he reached out for your hand once more, this time intertwining your fingers and yanking you back towards him. “What do you want?”

“I don’t know!”, you screamed at him, unable to take it anymore. Feeling your breathing getting uncomfortable shallow, you let your body collapse on the floor and squeezed your eyes shot as it all became all too much for you. 

“I don’t know,” you repeated in a sob, as you tried to ignore the itching feeling of people watching you. 

As your heartbeat droned on in your ears, your felt more than saw Yoongi’s figure crouching beside you for a second, whispering something in your ear, though it was impossible for you to hear over your own blood rushing through your veins. 

When you didn’t answer he plopped down beside you, crossing his legs under himself before reaching out for you. Long slender fingers gently massaged your painfully tense arms away from the gridlock around your knees and coaxed your body limp and compliant into his laps where his soothing voice filled your mind, finally droning out your heartbeat.

Whispering sweet nothings against your skin as you came down from your spike, he held you close in the middle of the living room, not even once paying attention to the crowd on the couch. 

When he finally convinced you to come back to his room to rest, he sent the maknaes a very telling glare of “we do not mention this ever”, before he gently coaxed you back to his room with the words: “I hope you’ll stop panicking about us soon. I really want this to be more.”

Hoseok:

“So I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, Y/n,” he spoke in a sincere voice, keeping your gaze capture with his as he reached across the table to take your hand in his. 

He’d invited you over for dinner on your 5th date, pulling out all the stops; home-cooked meal, chilled wine, strawberries dipped in chocolate for dessert. 

You knew what was coming. Honestly, it was quite clear. He had been hinting at it every since your first date. 

So you were more than ready. 

Might even had rehearsed some lines in your head, as you applied your winged eyeliner before coming over.

Swallowing the wine you’d just sipped, you put down the glass and smiled at him as you reached out to meet his hand on the table between you with a sweet smile. 

“I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together,” he spoke clearly and confidently, evidently pretty sure of himself. “And we’ve been dating for a while now and I really want to make this exclusive.” 

Though spoken in a sure voice and with no signs of hesitation, you didn’t miss the questioning look in his eyes or the suddenly too-aware loose grip on your hand. 

The signs were all there and though you had been expecting them, it still pulled on your heart as you sent him a sympathetic smile and gave his hand a small squeeze. 

“No thank you,” you smiled sweetly at him as you pulled your hand out of his and stood up from the table, not missing the way his entire face crumbled in one second to cloud over in the next. 

It would only be a matter of seconds before he called you a tease and threw you out of the apartment. You were sure of it.

“Thank you for the dinner and everything else,” you spoke sincerely as you walked over to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“Why not?”, he simply asked. No anger in his voice, just pure curiosity it would seem. 

“I don’t do relationships, Hoseok,” you purred honey-sweet against his ear, before straightening up and walking to the mirror, leaving Hoseok annoyed and confused at the table.

“Where is this coming from, Y/n? I thought you felt the same way? Is it because you’re feeling insecure? You know you’re more than enough for me...”

Your cackling laugh caused his head to snap up in surprise which was quickly replaced with annoyance at your cocky stare thrown over your shoulder.

“Oh, honey. Me being insecure? Not happening. I know I am a freaking catch,” you hummed with a confident smirk to your own reflection in the mirror as you tied up your hair, sending a wink to man sitting stunned at the table behind you through the mirror. “This has nothing to do with my confidence, Hoseok.”

“Clearly,” he scoffed, standing up from the table and running his hand through his hair with a deep sigh. “Then why?” 

“I don’t do relationships,”  you repeated, still smiling sickeningly sweet at him as you tried to avoid the panic in your chest as you shrugged your shoulders. “I told you that from the start, Hoseok. Did you really forget?”  

Trying to keep your smile casual as his face remained quizzical, you cocked your head arrogantly to imply he was taking up too much of your time.

Why wasn’t he getting angry though?, you asked yourself as you struggled to figure out your next move. 

It was easy when they got angry. They practically threw you out themselves. 

But this? Hoseoks analyzing eyes on you as he seemed to weigh every simple word you’d ever said, was pure torture. 

You didn’t want to hurt him. That was exactly why you did as you did. Why you got out while it was still possible.

“Us being exclusive is hardly a relationship,” he scoffed with narrowed eyes as they traveled across your form, seemingly analyzing everything once more after your change of heart. 

“Maybe not,” you hummed as your turned towards him again, defiantly meeting his gaze. “But it is for sure the step right before, Jung. And I am not about to risk it.” 

“Aren’t you being too dramatic right now, Y/n?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“It’s not like anything is going to change. Unless you’re dating and screwing a bunch of men while dating me then sure, some things will change,” he smirked in a challenging voice knowing you would never back down from an insult like that. 

Narrowing your eyes at him, you couldn’t help the flutter in your stomach when his gaze met yours so shamelessly. So cockily. 

“You know, I wouldn’t do that,” you spoke through clenched teeth, getting nothing but a cocky smile back from Hoseok. 

“Then what is it? Are you afraid I won’t be able to satisfy you in bed? Cause believe me, you’ll have trouble finding someone after me,” he grinned annoyingly. “I’m simply too great an act to follow. It’s okay if you can’t keep up to begin with. I’ll slow down til you learn,” he sneered confidently. 

Not even aware it was a pressure point of yours before he mentioned it, you gritted your teeth in annoyance as you closed the distance between the two of your in a few steps and smashed your lips together.

“How are you this annoying and hot at the same time,” you gasped, when you pulled away from the kiss, only to yelp when he forcefully pulled you against his chest again. 

“It’s a gift,” he smirked before connecting your lips once more, not allowing any more complaints from you. 

Namjoon:

“I’m home,” you called as you opened the door to your apartment, knowing full and well that Namjoon would be there. After all you had asked him if he wanted to come over and he’d asked if he could use the extra key to your place to come over a little earlier. Something about practice ending early, though that sounded very unlikely in your ears, and when the smell of scented candles and food hit your nose, you couldn’t help a gloating smirk as you pulled off your shoes and walked into the living-room.

“You gotta stop doing this,” you laughed, when your eyes fell on the candles lit all over the room and the man standing in the middle with a bouquet of flowers.

“What? Why?”, he asked, his face scrunching up in confusion but allowing you to step into his arms never the less and pulling you closer as if on reflex as you nuzzled your face against his chest.

“You’re only gonna make it harder for me, when I have to leave,” you giggled, as you leaned up to press a kiss to the soft skin of his neck before drawing back with a chuckle to pour yourself a glass of wine from the bottle standing on the counter.

Drawing a sip of the bitter drink, you felt Namjoon circle his arms around your waist and rest his chin on your shoulder with a sigh. 

He knew you were right. You were sure of it. 

You had been honest and open about your short-term contract from the beginning. Never promising him more than you would be able to give. And he had never pushed that.

Until today it would seem.

“You know, you could just stay here.”

Feeling your blood run cold at the mere prospect of what he was suggesting, you shrugged it off with another chuckle.

“You know, I need to move in a few months,” you reminded him with a hum as you grabbed the wine bottle and poured a glass for him as well, though he didn’t accept it but settled for snuggling deeper against the crook of your neck. 

“Why do you need to go? Couldn’t you get your contract extended here?”

“I could but then I would have to stay here for two more years,” you shrugged, refusing to follow his reasoning.

Namjoon nodded excitedly at your words, pulling back a bit to see your expression.

“Exactly! Two more years here with me,” he stated in a happy tone as he pressed a sloppy kiss to your neck, making you roll your eyes and step out of his grasp leaving him looking after your like a lost puppy.

“Sure,” you snorted out in ridicule, wincing slightly at the hurt-puppy look he sent you. “More like a few more months with you and two years of me being stuck in a place because of a guy who left me. No thanks.” 

“Y/n,” Namjoon’s soft voice pleaded, making you halt in your steps and turn back towards him. “You know it actually hurts my feelings, when you just assume I’m gonna end up hurting you like that.” 

His eyes were sincere and hurt, but he was tense and he actually seemed angry, making you cock your head at him in confusion as you let your eyes sweep over his form before snapping back up to his face which had gone a lot softer in the meantime.

“Sorry, I’m just speaking from experience,” you shrugged, trying to play off how your heart was galloping away. 

“I know. And it’s honestly the only thing I hate about you,” he answered brazenly making you scrunch up you nose in annoyance at his words, until you heard his reasoning. “That you’ve been hurt so bad that you expect no one will ever treat you well again.” 

“I-” 

Unable to find an answer, you were left searching for the words as your eyes followed how he stepped up to you again, hands gently cupping your face as he placed a feather-light kiss on your lips. 

“I know you want to run. Because you think it’s easier to run than to trust. But I want you to know that even if you don’t trust me yet, I would never do anything to hurt you. And if you feel more comfortable with running, I want you to know that I will still wait here for you if you do choose to go. Still, I hope you chose to stay here with me. I won’t disappoint you. I promise you. You just have to give me a chance,” he whispered against your skin as he kissed away the tears, you hadn’t even known were falling.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

here, i wrote a smutty, angsty oneshot about the most recent episode. it incorporates spoilers we have for next week’s episode too, jsyk

title: how big you can love

words: 3500

rating: m

It’s only when you’re close to death do you realize just how big you’re able to love. The magnitude of it all; the absolute infinite capabilities of your heart. They say that everyone who’s ever jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived regretted it the moment their feet left solid ground. There’s always love inside—of family, of yourself, of life—but darkness likes to disguise it as pain and grief and hatred. It’s only during the fall that its true face reemerges. You can only really know yourself and your ability to love when you’re about to die.

And it’s not that Daryl ever forgot that he loved her. Quite the contrary, in fact. His whole life lately has revolved around a continuous push-and-pull game, where she tugs herself one way, and he tugs her right on back. But that’s the thing—he’s been so preoccupied with keeping her grounded that he’s put aside the reason he’s doing it in the first place. 

Now that he’s dying, though? Now he remembers. 

Face beaten to a pulp, his leg gushing out more blood than he can stem with the pressure of his hand, Daryl lies on the floor of some rundown dusty shop that has been cleaned out for years, and feels the vastness of his love for her. 

When he closes his swollen eyelids he sees her face, smiling the way she used to in the beginning, with an unwavering kindness that he hadn’t been used to and didn’t know how to comprehend. On his bruised and battered shoulder he feels the phantom weight of her head resting on it, and the squeeze of her fingers around his bicep.

On the other side of the wall, Alpha—the monster who broke Carol’s final tether and made him lose his grip on her—is droning on about the meaning of it all. She’s nearly dead, too, and remembering just how much she loves power. But Daryl isn’t listening. He isn’t here, not really. His heart is still beating, but he’s transcended his body, existing only where his memories of her lie. 

They’re right when they say that your life flashes before your eyes, because she is his whole world.

He should have told her that. 

Should have chanted it like a mantra to her every day.

It was never the right time, and now there’s no time left. Funny thing, time. Always keeps you guessing.

At least he’s not afraid. Carol was the first to teach him that letting people in can be safe, and she’s keeping him safe now, in his final moments. 

Daryl thinks someone is saying his name; thinks there may be footsteps circling around his dilapidated form. He can’t be bothered to make heads or tails of it, though.

He’s too busy remembering how big he’s able to love.

*

Lydia’s tourniquet saved his life, the clever girl. He’s proud of her. Not because she helped him. He’s certainly grateful, but he’s proud because she has developed a love of others instead a love of control like her mother, and he knows exactly how difficult that is when someone is trying to literally beat the compassion out of you.

He’s home in Alexandria, holed up in the infirmary that has yet to recover from the giant hole Siddiq left in his wake. Trainees fuss over him with unskilled hands—people who had observed the late doctor’s handiwork, or came into the community with rusty medical knowledge from CNA jobs in their 20s, or what have you. It’s a testament to how worn down he is that he doesn’t care that he’s confined to a bed and at the whim of other people’s touch. He spends most of his time sleeping, trying to heal his battered body that is unfortunately much too familiar with this song and dance.

In his moments of lucidity, however, in between the aches and pains, he remembers how big he loves her, and he wants to ask everyone who walks by if they’ve seen her, but he’s afraid of the answer. With how they left things, and with her tendency for running, he doesn’t want to know where she ended up after he left her at the collapsed entrance of that godforsaken cave.

At night, though, he thinks he feels her thin fingers lacing between his thick ones, entwining them with a gentle squeeze. He thinks he feels his hair being brushed back, and maybe even lips pressing against his forehead. He thinks he hears soft reassurances whispered in his ear.

But then he wakes up, and no one is ever there.

*

It takes a full week for them to let him go home. A week. Seven days. And truth be told, they probably would have kept him longer, except he finally loses his patience, and gets right up on both feet, ignoring the throb in his injured leg, and walks right out the door.

He gets it. There’s a war on the horizon, and Michonne is out at sea somewhere, Hilltop has two of their members lost underground, not to mention he still hasn’t asked about Carol, and at the end of the day, no matter how well-meaning everyone is, or how concerned they are about his well-being, he knows that, first and foremost, at least right now, he’s an asset they can’t afford to lose.

He’s not gonna take it personal.

But he’s also not staying in that fucking infirmary a second longer. 

When he gets home the house is quiet, and usually quiet doesn’t bother him, but today it feels exceptionally lonely. He’s grown accustomed to the sound of RJ running around playing, with Lil’ Asskicker at his heels, but they’re with a neighbor right now. Lydia is no longer confining herself to the brig, but she’s still not feeling welcome, and comes and goes, checking on him before disappearing back out into the forest, and Daryl, who has done the exact same thing on more than one occasion, would be a hypocrite to ask her to say in one place. But even his dog isn’t here. He’s with a neighbor too. Daryl’s all alone in this big empty house.

Or at least he assumes he is. 

Leaning against the front door, shifting his weight off of his bad leg, his eyes wander up the stairs, and it takes him a good five minutes to decide if it’s time to answer the question he’s been dreading asking since the moment he got through the Alexandrian gates. 

He starts up the stairs, slowly, still sore, and they creak under his weight. He gets to the top and comes face to face with the entrance to her room and finds the door cracked open. Swallowing, he takes those last few steps and nudges it the rest of the way open with the palm of his hand. 

There’s a duffel bag. 

It’s lying open on the bed, and he can see some clothes thrown in haphazardly, and the hilt of a knife. Around the room, dresser drawers are pulled out, and belongings are scattered on the ground. She’s getting ready to run, and his stomach twists.

Entering the room, he surveys the chaos around him. He doesn’t know where she went, but assumes she’ll be back soon to finish her packing job and hit the road. Was she even going to say goodbye? 

A white-hot rage washes over him, because why the fuck does it always have to go this way? It’s always something; always him running to be by himself, or her running from herself. The two of them never learned how to sit still, but he’s sick of it. He loves her too big to lose her again.

He starts putting her things back where they belong; takes out each item of clothing from the duffel bag one-by-one, folding them neatly and laying them in the dresser drawers. Unsteady on his feet, he fights through his pain to reach down and clean up the floor. A lot of it is junk—a pair of socks with holes in the heels and toe, a lighter with no juice left, a pocket mirror with a jagged crack down the middle—but some of it is the exact opposite. Some of the stuff on the ground are treasured items thrown around in anger, like a birthday card from Henry, a drawing of Sophia made by Jadis, and several letters Daryl wrote her during her time out at sea that he didn’t realize she had kept.

He treats these items with care—uncrumpling the corners of aged paper and blowing dust off—before setting them gingerly down in a neat pile on her table. Then, when the room is no longer in disarray, Daryl takes a seat on the edge of her bed and waits.

It’s about fifteen minutes later, give or take, when she returns. She steps into her room and then stills like a statue at the sight of him, not unlike she had the day he came to confront her in that little house on the border of the Kingdom. She takes stock of her tidied up space. With a weak groan, she presses the base of her palms to her eyes.

“Don’t do this,” she says. “Just go.”

“No,” Daryl says simply, and she lets her arms fall, hanging limp at her sides. There are tears sliding down her cheeks but her face is stoic.

“I only stayed to make sure you were okay,” she says. “Clearly you are, so now you can let me go.”

“No,” Daryl says again, not unkindly or harshly, but with an air of finality that she chooses to ignore.

“Look at what I’ve done, Daryl,” she yells then. He doesn’t flinch. “I trapped two of our own. I’ve essentially brought the Whisperers to our front doorstep. I almost got you killed, for Christ’s sake, you almost died, and it would have been my fault, and I have a lot of blood on my hands, Daryl, but if I had yours? I’d rather die and go straight to hell.”

“I’m alive,” Daryl says. 

“But you almost weren’t.”

“But I am.”

“But not everyone is. Not everyone will be, once this war is underway. Anyone around me has the risk of becoming collateral damage.”

“Then you have to get yourself under control.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“How?”

“By talking to me, Carol, like I’ve said all along.”

Carol laughs bitterly, blinking up at the ceiling and shaking her head. 

“The fuck do you want me to say, Daryl?” she asks, eyes trained above her at nothing. “Do you want me to say it hurts that my son’s head was put on a pike? That the woman who did it is still walking around on this Earth without any consequences? Yeah, it fucking hurts.” She looks at him then, with a leveled glare. “Do you want me to say that the only good thing that came out of two decades of abuse was my baby that I ended up not being able to protect? Who died all alone without her mother there to hold her?”

She starts pacing, breathing heavily.

“Do you want me to tell you how I once told a scared little boy I’d tie him to a tree and let the walkers eat him just so he would leave me alone and not be around the fucking curse that I am, and yet he got ripped to shreds anyway?” 

She approaches the bed, standing right before him, wetting her bottom lip. 

“Should I tell you,” she says in a harsh whisper. “About how Lizzie killed her little sister with a knife I taught her to use, and how I took her into the yard and told her to look at the flowers while I shot her point blank in the head?” Daryl’s surprise must be evident, because she smiles humorlessly and says, “Yeah, you didn’t know that one, did you? You didn’t know that when Lizzie died she didn’t have any bites. No wounds. She was in peak physical health. But I killed her anyway, Daryl. Lord knows Tyrese wouldn’t do it. He just gave me the go-ahead and stayed in the house with Judith while I blew a child’s brains out onto the grass.” 

“Carol—”

“No, you wanted me to talk, so I’m talking.” Her whole body is shaking. “Every child that has ever been mine is dead. I am the common denominator. I am lethal, and it doesn’t matter if they’re the good guys or the bad guys—when people are around me they die. And I’m not letting you die, Daryl. I’m not.” 

"You ain't a curse," Daryl says. 

"Then why are they all gone?" Carol breathes, tears coming faster now, and all Daryl wants is to brush them away. He reaches out to her, but she takes a step back. "No," she says.

"I still wanna be here for you."

"You already tried, and look how that went. I took her from you. I didn't mean to, but I did, and you don't get to forgive me just because you think you should out of some sense of loyalty. Tear into me. Get angry. Tell me to fuck off so I can get my stuff and go."

Daryl has to resist rolling his eyes. 'I took her from you.' There she goes with that junior high playground bullshit again, like any of this has to do with if he like likes Connie. As if this has nothing to do with how deeply she's hurting and how deeply he wants to help her, because she's right, he almost died, and now he remembers how big he loves her and isn't soon to forget.

He says, "I ain't tellin' you to fuck off. And I ain't lettin' you leave."

"It's not up to you where I go."

"Then it ain't up to you where I follow."

They hover at this impasse, shooting daggers at each other. Carol wipes her face and takes a deep breath. He can see her preparing her next big polemic in order to push him far enough away that she has time to escape.

"Daryl—" she starts, but she doesn't finish her sentence, because in one swift movement Daryl gets up off the bed and into her space. He cups her face, and before she can protest he's pressing his lips to hers. 

They stand that way for a beat. Then another.

Her eyes are wide when he leans back to look at her; scared and devastated and wanting all concurrently. She opens her mouth to speak.

"Shut up," Daryl says, and kisses her again.

It takes a moment for her to respond, and when she does it feels reluctant. But then, slowly, her arms snake up the length of his torso and drape around his neck, and that's when he feels her give in. She tilts her head for him to get a better angle, and parts her lips for him. He slides his tongue against hers lazily, running his hands down her back until resting them on her hips. He tugs her forward, eradicating completely the distance she tried to put between them as they come flush together.

Breaking the kiss, Daryl rests his forehead against hers as he walks her to the bed. He lays her down tenderly, and she rests on a pillow, watching him. He climbs into bed too and hovers over her, brushing his knuckles down her cheek.

"You're hurt," she reminds him softly, noticing how he's favoring one knee. 

"I'll be okay," he says, because he really couldn't care less, but she shakes her head.

"Lie down," she says, shifting to make room. "Let me."

Daryl hesitates only a moment before settling down on his back, hoping she won't run. 

She doesn't. Instead, she leans down and kisses him sweetly, taking hold of his hand and placing it on her navel. Daryl bunches the fabric between his fingers, and then uses both hands to work the buttons undone. He makes each one come open with such delicacy that he feels like one of those people who open gifts by carefully peeling every piece of tape off and then folding the wrapping paper neatly once it's removed, because the unveiling is just as important as the prize underneath.

He helps her shrug off the shirt entirely, and she reaches around to undo the clasp of her bra. Slipping it off, suddenly she's before him, nude from the waist up. Parts of her skin are marred by years upon years of violence, but there is no inch of her flesh that he doesn't worship. He feels her up, taking time to get to know every texture of her torso, from the smoothness of her belly, to the roughness of her scars, to the tautness of her nipples as he brushes his thumbs over them, making her sigh.

"I love you," he says. She shuts her eyes and more tears dribble down the bridge of her nose.

"You shouldn't," she says. "I wish you didn't."

"Hey," he says gently. "Look at me."

With what seems like tremendous effort, she opens her eyes and meets his gaze.

"I want you to love her," she says. "Or anyone. Anyone else. Don't love me. Please."

"Not up to me, sweetheart," Daryl says, running his fingers through her hair. She leans into the touch. "I love you, and that's why I need you to stay."

"And I love you. That's why I need you to let me go."

Daryl sits up and kisses Carol long and hard.

"No," he says when he pulls away, and Carol gives a helpless sad little laugh.

"I don't know how to be better," she says. "And I can't risk you getting hurt any worse on my account."

"You don't have to fix everything overnight. Just let me help you. Please? Let's get through this together."

"I'm so angry all the time, Daryl. I'm angry and I hurt."

"I know, but lemme tell you somethin'. You don't feel that way 'cause you're a bad person. You feel that way 'cause you love so big you can't hardly handle the pain that comes with it. That's what it's all about. It's about how big you can love."

"If love hurts this bad then it's cruel to let you love me."

"Nah. 'Cause the only thing that hurts worse is not bein' able to love at all." Daryl nuzzles his head against her belly and places a kiss in between her breasts. "C'mere," he says softly, and pulls her down.

They undress each other with the same care Daryl showed with her shirt. She sheds tears all over again at all his new bruises from this latest fight, and he kisses them away, telling her not to cry. That he's okay. That he's grateful for the clarity his brush with death has given him.

He says this all without words. Instead he inscribes the messages with his lips along her collarbone and breasts, with his hand slipping down between her legs and sliding along her wet folds until he finds her entrance and presses two fingers inside her. She pants softly, running her own hands over his bare flesh aimlessly, caught up in the sensations he's provoking in her body. He encircles her clitoris with the pad of his thumb; a featherlight, rhythmic motion, while his fingers still pulse against her walls.

She cums with a shudder, crying even though he told her not to. She kisses him so tenderly, even as she expands and contracts wildly around his hand. And god is it satisfying to finally be able to give her something good.

Once she's recovered, she straddles his hips like she belongs there, and Daryl holds her gaze as she lowers herself down, making small noises as she stretches to fit all of him inside her. 

At the first roll of her hips, Daryl feels that same feeling he did on the floor of the shop; that overwhelming understanding of how big he loves her, and maybe that means it's not only death that reveals such truths. Maybe there are moments like this littered all throughout a lifetime. Not that it matters. He doesn't need revelations, he just needs her, and while she rides him like she's reminding herself of all the good parts of love, he knows that he has her. Finally, she's his.

He lets go with her name on his lips, and she swallows it with a long, languid kiss. They stay that way as long as they can, until he can no longer stay inside her. They lay side-by-side then, legs intertwined and hands lazily exploring parts of each other's bodies they may have missed.

"Go to sleep," Carol tells him when he yawns. He brushes his thumb over her lips and she kisses it.

"Will you still be here when I wake up?" he asks, and she nods. And she means it. He knows when she's bullshitting him.

"I'm scared, though," she admits a few minutes later, after he thought the conversation was over.

"That's okay," Daryl says, burrowing in closer to her, as if trying to become one. "Just as long as you stay. All the rest we can figure out together."

"Are you sure you want to love me?" she asks.

"Yes. And even if I didn't I wouldn't have a choice."

"It's hard to love this big, Daryl."

"I know, sweetheart," he says, pressing his lips to her pulse point. "But it's worth it."

[justjessame]

The Deal Chapter 68

I kept RJ late into the evening. Judith had gone off to eavesdrop on Mom and the Council, and I had taken RJ inside to read and relax. I knew Negan could see my house from his cell, it was one reason I’d asked to move into it, but I pushed aside the idea that he would watch the three of us on the porch.

Mom came as I was getting RJ ready to take back home. She looked tense and I knew that something was up, so I sent my little brother into the kitchen to grab a snack and color.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting down on the couch and tucking my feet under me. “Did the Council-

“Nothing to do with that,” she shook her head and stared at me. “I went to see him.” Ah, Negan, that would make her tense alright. “Jessi, I caught Judith listening in as we had our-”

“Showdown?” I offered, seeing her flinch at the reminder of what must have been a doozy of a conversation. “She visits him without me, Mom, you know that.”

She swallowed and I realized it might be worse than that. “I know that now,” what? How had she NOT noticed Judith doing her homework on the steps of his prison? “She told me I should listen to him, that he’s changed, has he?” Her eyes were locked on mine, searching for answers that she seemed to hope I had.

I shook my head, thinking it would never end. The suspicion, the IDEA that I was an authority on all things Negan. “To me?” I asked, smiling sadly. “He promised to never try to leave me again, not after he asked Maggie to kill him.” I felt the twist of pain knowing that he had left me, even if he kept his promise and came back. “I don’t think I’m the best person to ask this-”

“You are,” she was firm. “You see him completely different from the rest of us, Jessi. You know him in a different way. I trust you-”

At that I laughed. “Really? Are we back to that lie?” Her eyes widened. “Michonne, MOM, we both know that there are definitely parts of me that you don’t trust. No one does. And THAT’S why you’re here.” I heard RJ’s approach. “You ready to go home, buddy?” I felt his tiny arms wrap around my neck from behind. “You’re getting too big,” his lips smacked a loud kiss on my cheek. “Take him home, Mom,” my eyes met hers again and I could see she wanted to continue our talk. “I’ll come over tomorrow, we’ll finish this.”

I watched RJ and Mom walking back toward their house, the tiny lantern in Negan’s cell letting me know he was still awake, as the darkness grew. Shutting my door behind me, I walked across the street, down the steps I could find in the dark and into the room that held his cage.

“Welcome home,” I offered as he looked up at me. “How was your trip?”

My visit with Negan was with the bars between us. He understood, as I knew he would, that our nighttime visits wouldn’t be as close or pleasant for some time to come. I returned home, took a shower, and tucked myself into bed and wondered what would happen next.

The next morning I kept my word and went to see Michonne. I grinned around the tangle of limbs that was my little brother wrapping himself around my legs, and smiled up at the woman my dad had fallen in love with. “Morning!” I offered, shaking my head at her offer for something to drink. “Come on, spider monkey,” I tugged RJ up, so he could hold on to my neck. “Let’s go hang out with Mom.”

He played while I answered Mom’s questions. “Negan’s changed. He went out there in the big bad world and realized he’s not the big bad wolf anymore,” I knew this because we’d talked about it the night before. “But if you want to know if he’s still Negan? Yes, he is.” I wouldn’t lie to her, he was still very much the man I fell in love with, and that man was both confident and a leader. That would never change. “He came back, Mom, not only because the world’s shittier for him than before, but because he promised me that we’d be together again.”

“He wants me to talk things over, a sounding board,” I knew this, he told me. “I don’t trust him, Jessi, I don’t.” I nodded, it made sense, even if I did trust him. “She told me that she visits him because he listens to her, that not everyone does.” Judith, of course, my little sister was nothing if not open when asked. “She doesn’t see him like I do.”

“Neither do I, Mom.” She knew this, and it was why she was talking it out with me. I sighed. “Maybe I shouldn’t have taken her with me when I visited him.”

“Maybe,” she didn’t sound sure. “She told me that I changed, and that meant he could too.” Jude was being a little too honest with Mom, I thought. “We had a fight,” I smiled sadly. “I’m going to give the Council the freedom to send a delegation to Kingdom for the fair, they accused me of-” she sighed, and shook her head. “Our people have a right to decide.”

“That was the point of the Council, I thought,” I offered, wondering if I should go check on Judith. “You know I-”

“Won’t say what you’re thinking about any of it,” she smiled, and I knew the worst of our frustration with one another was past. “I wish you would, Jessi. You’re STILL Rick’s daughter.” I shook my head, of course I was, but I was also Negan’s lover. “At least to me, even if you don’t share with the others, please?”

“I understand staying more to ourselves,” I felt like I had to give her my opinion, if only because she’d asked. “After-” my hands moved to my stomach absently, and I closed my eyes for a moment to steady myself. “We lost things, Mom, we’ve ALL lost things, people, but Dad wouldn’t have wanted us to close off.” I could see him, on that bridge, one final look between us. “He died-” she flinched, “disappeared, not knowing that I could have been giving him a granddaughter. He was trying to unite us, that was the point behind that damn bridge, wasn’t it?” She nodded, her eyes tight with the memory. “Just because there are monsters wearing human faces, doesn’t mean that all humans are monsters.”

“Even after your loss?” She asked, and I knew she didn’t just mean Wren. She meant Daryl. Dad. Mom. Carl. “You still think that we should be-”

“I think there’s a difference between being naive and being careful while being open minded.” I considered the group that Judith had saved. “Those people Jude found, the ones you took to Hilltop?” She nodded. “I didn’t meet them, but were they as bad as you feared?” She shook her head. “So we could have had,” she held up her hand with all five fingers extended, “five more able bodied adults to help our community flourish. Instead, you took the risk to leave with Siddiq, our doctor, to take them to another community that might not have taken them either. And on top of that, what else was risked?”

She listened and I could see her digesting my words. “Magna had prison tattoos,” it was quiet, more to herself, as though she was convincing herself about her decision. “What do you propose?”

“Nothing,” I smiled. “I offer you nothing in the way of picking and choosing, that’s the Council’s job, right?” A shrewd look passed over her face and I saw she understood. “All I’m saying, Mom, is that we can’t write people off before we know, or before we have a second to see if they’re wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

“I thought I knew Jocelyn,” her eyes were on my very flat stomach. “It cost you so much, that belief.”

I reached out and took her hand. “Live and learn, Mom.” Holding her hand we heard RJ banging blocks over in the corner. “I mean, I haven’t lost everything, have I?”

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Jin Scenario: You break up due to hateful comments from fans (angst with a happy ending)

You had been dating Jin for a few months now. Everything was going great. You literally were living the dream millions of army had all over the world. Jin spotted you at a fan sign, and absolutely fell in love with you. The way you giggled at his jokes, praised him for his vocals and dancing. He thought you were so incredibly cute how was he not supposed to fall for you? When you walked in with your RJ head band and t shirt with his name on it, he just knew he couldn’t let this be the last time he talked to you. He had written his number in your album when he signed it. You thought you were dreaming, still not fully believing that Jin had actually given you his number. Your bias, the man you had been pining after for the last 6 years but never thought in a million years you would ever meet, let alone get his number.

Taehyung always use to joke that you two were soul mates. The way you two just instantly clicked, your personalities nearly identical to one another. There was never a dull moment with you two. After he had announced you two were dating, the response from fans was mostly positive. Of course there were a few hateful comments but that was to be expected. However as the months went on and people saw that Jin was serious about staying with you, the hateful comments became more frequent. After reading that he was too good for you one too many times you started to believe it. Jin came home from the studio to find you standing the living room sobbing loudly with your suitcase trailing behind you.

“Jagi, stop where are you going what’s going on?”

“They’re right Jin. You can do so much better than me. I’m a nobody. I don’t mean anything and I am just holding you back from your career. I’m leaving.” He immediately runs over to you and grabs the suitcase out of your hand, tossing it to the side. He wraps you up in his arms and hugs you tightly to him. You feel the top of your head dampening with his tears.

“Don’t you ever listen to those comments y/n. They are from jealous people that have nothing better to do than try to ruin our lives. Please, I can’t live without you don’t leave me.” You tighten your grip around his waist, nuzzling into his shirt.

“I realized I can’t live without you either Jin. I was standing in the living room for 15 minutes crying before you walked in the door. I couldn’t bring myself to actually leave..” He pulls away from you and kisses you passionately. 

“Good. Because I love you y/n. I love you so much. All of the members love you too. They would be so sad if you left, you’re a part of our family now. Promise me you won’t ever leave.” You smile at him and take his hand to go lay back down in bed with him. That night he holds you so close you can’t move. Not that you mind, it’s in his arms that you feel safe, comforted. And there is no place else you’d rather be. Right before you fall asleep, you mumble

“I promise.” Jin kisses you softly on the top of your head before falling asleep himself. 

You take Jin’s advice and stay off of social media for a while until the hate dies down. You had to stay up late to finish some work and decided to walk to the cafe down the road to grab a coffee before they closed. It was dark, but you both lived in a nicer area of Seoul so you didn’t feel concerned. On the way to the cafe you got a weird feeling, you couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was following you. When you walked by a side street you felt someone grab your hair and yank you down to the ground. You looked up to be met with the sight of someone wearing a mask. You went to scream for help but they immediately shoved a hand over your mouth muffling your cries. 

“You better break up with Jin. You don’t deserve him. You’re distracting him from what he loves most, his singing, and his fans. I followed you from your apartment so I know where you live now. Unless you want to be constantly looking over your shoulder every time you go out, I suggest you leave. Tonight.” The person shoves you backwards and you hit your head on the concrete. Your vision blurs for a moment. You try to blink it away and when your vision finally clears you see that whoever they are have left. You burst into tears. You’ve reached your breaking point. You love Jin, with all your being but if it risks your personal safety every time you leave the house, if you can’t even go on social media without seeing a hate comments towards you, you don’t know if you can deal with it anymore. You run back to your apartment, quickly collecting your things into a suitcase, finally having the determination to leave. You write a note for Jin before you go, your tears staining the page and causing the ink to run. You leave it on his pillow before grabbing your purse and running out the door.

“Baby! I brought your favorite dinner home. I thought we could watch a new TV show together.” Jin gets no response and realizes the apartment sounds eerily silent. He doesn’t see your purse or keys sitting on the table where you usually leave them.

“Y/n?” No response. He walks into the bedroom, sees the bed completely made up and your side of the closet empty. When he sees the note on his pillow, he already knows. He picks the letter up and reads it.

I’m so sorry Jin. But I can’t do this anymore. The comments were already pushing me over the edge, but being attacked is a completely different story. I’m sorry for breaking my promise. But you’re better off without me. -Y/n

Jin doesn’t cry. He doesn’t feel anything. He feels numb. The world goes quiet around him as he lets your words sink in. It isn’t until he goes back into the kitchen and sees the meal sitting on the table that he ordered for the both of you that he finally breaks down. He collapses on the floor, hugging his knees tightly to his chest and sobbing into them. He feels like he is literally falling apart, and that terrifies him. He picks up his phone and tries to call you, only to have your phone go straight to voicemail. He calls again, and again. Just wanting to hear your voice every time the answering machine picks up. When he realizes you aren’t going to answer, he immediately calls Namjoon.

“Joon…” 

“Jin?! What’s wrong what happened?”

“It’s y/n she.. she’s gone. She left. Oh god Namjoon what am I going to do I can’t live without her she’s my everything.” 

“I’m coming over.”

Namjoon gets there way too fast but Jin can’t bring himself to scold him for speeding. He tells him everything, and shows him the note you wrote. 

“I’m so sorry Jin. But y/n is probably just scared right now. I see how much she loves you. She isn’t going to be gone for good. Trust me.”

“She took everything Namjoon. Her clothes, her makeup, everything is gone. It’s like she was never here.” Namjoon looks around and spots the photo of you two on the nightstand. He brings it over and places it in his lap.

“She’ll be back Jin. Just have faith, okay?”

The media was blowing up about your breakup, most of the responses were positive. Stating that things were better this way. You couldn’t help but agree with them. You were miserable, there was absolutely no doubting that. But Jin deserved better, that’s what you kept telling yourself. You spent 2 weeks barely moving from your bed. You couldn’t bring yourself to. You were so overwhelmed with sadness and not a day went by that Jin didn’t try to contact you. He sent you text messages often, reminding you to eat, to get enough sleep. His kindness and determination not to forget about you broke your heart even more. When you checked your message this morning you saw another one from him.

I hope to see you at the award show tonight. Even if you don’t want to see me, at least go to support the rest of the members. They miss you and love you just as much as I do. 

You sigh heavily and throw your phone off the bed, hearing it smack against the wall. He had gave you a ticket to this award show before you had left him. Why is he making this so hard for you? A few seconds later you hear your phone chime again. Your curiosity gets the better of you and you see a message from Taehyung.

Please come tonight. We all miss you. 

Your guilt was eating away at you and you finally decided you would go. You weren’t going to talk to them, but you were at least going to go to show your silent support and also to see the other groups you liked perform. Just because you two broke up didn’t mean you couldn’t have a good time. You started to get ready, making sure to wear a mask on your face in case anyone would recognize you as ‘the monster that broke Jin’s heart.” Oh yeah, that was actually a comment you had read this morning. Like you needed more of a reminder of how badly you were hurting and you had hurt him. 

You arrived at the show pretty early. You had a very nice view of the stage, but your semi good mood quickly turned to panic when you realized that the boys were sitting only a few rows in front of you. You could see seats with reserved signs and their names on the back. You immediately stood up and went to go leave the venue, suddenly realizing what a horrible idea this was. In your rush to leave you didn’t notice you had accidentally wandered back to a restricted area for the artists. When you turned the corner there was someone coming your way as well. You ran smack into them, quickly apologizing. You look up and are looking into the warm brown eyes that belong to none other than Jimin. 

“Y/n?” You freeze when he says your name. “Oh my god, y/n it really is you!” You see his normally kind, and cheerful eyes fill with tears as he yanks you into his arms. “Why did you leave?! Did you not think we could have helped to protect you from the fans? We all loved you, we all miss you and we all have been hurting since you left what were you thinking? Do you even have any idea how upset Jin was been?!” You can’t help but break down in front of him. Jimin was always the one you felt closest to next to Jin. He always seemed to know just how to cheer you up, and knew what you were feeling without even having to tell him.

“I-I’m sorry Jimin I was scared. I was so so scared I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to leave but I felt like I had no other choice. I didn’t want to be looking over my shoulder every time I went out to do anything on my own.”

“We could have given you body guards. Hell one of us could have went with you.”

“I didn’t want to be burden.” Jimin finally pulls away, his hand tightly gripping your shoulders as he looks you dead in the eye.

“Don’t ever say that or think that about yourself. You’re not a burden. You never were. Please y/n.. Just come back.” 

“I can’t Jimin. Jin probably hates me-”

“No, I don’t.” The sound of his voice instantly makes your heart break all over again. You can’t bring yourself to turn around and face him. You can feel him approach you and place a hand on your shoulder.

“Y/n please look at me.” You shake your head and hide your face into Jimin’s chest.

“I don’t deserve to see you right now Jin.”

“Y/n, please.” Hearing how broken he sounds and how is voice is starting to crack makes you finally take a deep breath and look at him. There are tears steaming down his face as he looks at you, like he still can’t believe you’re here in front of him. He smiles at you, and takes both of your hands and wraps then around his waist. He kisses your forehead. 

“Jin, stop please.” He cuts off whatever you are going to say next with a kiss to your lips. The moment your lips touch his you are reminded of just how strong your feelings are for him. If he didn’t have such a tight grip on you then you would have dropped to the floor almost instantly.

“Jin I am so sorry.” You break down sobbing and he gently shushes you as he cards his fingers through your hair.

“I missed you y/n.”

“I missed you too Jin. I should have just talked to you and I shouldn’t have left.”

“But you’re back now and that’s all that matters. Right? You are going to come home?” You pull away and look at him. The hope that you see behind his eyes, you know that you can’t leave him. Why did you ever think that you would be able to make it without him?

“I, want to come home. If you’ll allow me too.” 

“You will always be my home y/n. That will never change.”

[cxgan]

Blizzard (Like This)

SHIP: Cegan [Carl/Negan]

SUMMARY: S9 finale fix-it. Carl never died, Rick never got lost. Carl is stuck at Alexandria watching his siblings during the storm. Carl and Negan talk while everyone sleeps. 

WARNINGS: mild language, angst, fluff

W/C: 1,962

A/N: Idk where this came from because I haven’t had muse in awhile. Honestly this just started because I wanted a big old spoon chain with my babies. And of course wanted Carl alive, duh. THE FINALE WE DESERVED. Please let me know what you think. Comments > just likes and reblogs.

They had never had a blizzard like this. 

Sometimes it snowed, sure. An inch or two here or there during the winter months. But aside from bundling up and having a few more fires, there wasn't much else they needed to do. Maybe the climate was finally changing after all of these years without society barreling down on the world. Maybe they were due for another ice age. Whatever it was, Carl didn't like it. He especially didn't like it knowing that his dad and Michonne weren't home during it. That they were out helping the Kingdom get to Hilltop after the community had finally crumbled. It wasn't that he didn't care for them - of course he did - but being out in this bad of a storm wasnt a good idea for even the most hardened of warriors. 

And here he was. Stuck in the council hall doing nothing but trying to keep warm and watch over his siblings. He felt so... useless. Felt like he needed to get out there and do something. 

"Don't be a dumb ass, you know they're alright." A voice broke him from his thoughts and he looked up. Negan, sitting on the floor with his back pressed into a cot. Looking far too casual for how cold it was. 

"I'm not worried," he snapped from where he was sitting on a large mattress. 

"Yeah, 'n I'm Princess Diana," the former savior said with a snort, rubbing at his wrists where he had been handcuffed moments before. Carl had taken them off the second everyone else had fallen asleep. He wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to be around the love of his life when he wasn't behind bars (did he really just think love of his life? Gross.). Negan reached out with his foot and kicked at Carl's own boot, receiving a one eyed glare in return. "Seriously, they ain't stupid enough to stay out in this hell," he gestured to everything around them. "Yer pops probably chucked them all into some smelly ass old barn for the night. They'll be fine."

"I said I'm not worried," Carl snapped again. When Negan gave him a look he rolled his eye. "Whatever," he retorted before pulling his coat around himself further and resisting the urge to shiver. They had the fire, yeah, but it was still chilly. 

"Cold?" Negan asked.

"No, I'm warmer than I've ever been. Feel like I'm on a beach or something," he snarked, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

The older male simply chuckled at him. Carl didn't look over at him, but he heard him shift. "C'mere," he muttered. 

Carl looked up, surveyed the room around them. Everyone else had fallen asleep at least an hour ago. No one was really keeping watch with the storm going on outside. Only him and Negan were awake. He almost moved, shifted ever so slightly, but a warm, gloved hand that was pushed into his thigh almost slid off and he caught it right before it did. Half of RJ's body was pressed into his back, and Judith's hand (arms wrapped around her little brother) was resting on his thigh. He shook his head. "I can't leave them."

"Well then I'll come to you. That mattress looks a little warmer than this piece of shit," he gestured backwards to the cot. 

"You're sitting on the floor."

"Case in point, smart ass. Now go lay down while I make myself pretty." He watched the man move and stand up and Carl snorted, shaking his head as he himself stood up. He watched Negan for a moment, stand and flex his shoulders, stretch his arms. It probably felt good not to be confined to a tiny room with a shitty cot. His chest ached a bit at the fact that it had been almost eight years and the man was still locked behind bars. If only he had the balls to tell his dad how he really felt about the man things would be better. (Deep down, he knew his dad would be at least okay with it. He had to have caught on by now just how much time Carl spent with the prisoner, how much he did for him. Maybe they were both just hiding the truth from fear of losing one another. But Carl knew he'd never lose his dad.)

Negan caught him staring and lifted an eyebrow at him with a cocky smirk, causing Carl to shoot him an icy glare before turning around. He saw RJ shiver from loss of body contact and quickly moved to tuck the blankets on him up closer to his chin. He shifted Judith's hands to nestle further around the youngest boy and moved to the other side of the mattress. Well. Mattresses. It was a couple of them shoved together. 

He debated taking his boots off for comfort but decided to leave them on, figuring that was one of the main things keeping him warm. So he quickly lifted the thick wool blankets up and slid underneath them behind his sister. He stayed on his back while he got warm, not wanting to suck up against the young girl's back and leech off her body heat for his own benefit. 

He closed his eyes and let himself relax for a moment. Negan was right, as insufferable as his reminders were sometimes. His dad and Michonne were probably fine. They had survived this long; they knew what to do. He just needed to relax and take a few deep breaths. 

He was exhausted, after all. Spending the day wrangling a restless and cooped up RJ, making dinner, figuring out what the rest of them were going to do both during and after the storm. At least Judith was mature enough now to just sit in a corner and do homework while the rest of them worked. And he had to admit, her constant quips at Negan all day had been hilarious to witness. He heard the man mutter at one point that he hoped RJ left him alone when he got older, because 'two annoying Grimes children were enough to deal with on a daily basis'. Carl was proud. 

He felt movement to his left and opened his eye to see Negan spreading out his own coat on top of Judith and RJ. He bit his lip. "You don't..."

"Shut up, kid. They need it more than I do. And now I gotta hot little body to keep me warm all night, don't I?" he punctuated his words with a wink and Carl scoffed. 

"We're not doing anything next to my siblings, pervert. Now get under here before you freeze to death." He held the blankets up and Negan didn't have to be told twice, dipping down and scooting onto the mattress next to Carl. The boy turned on his side to face him, immediately wrapping his arm around his torso. Even with his other jacket and the stupid dark blue jumpsuit he was cold to the touch. He gazed up at the man, silhouetted by the fire in the dark. He had pulled on a beanie at some point in the last few minutes. 

"Why is it always about sex with you? Can't a man just wanna get his cuddle on and still appreciate the body he's cuddlin' with?" Negan quipped. 

"Always about sex? With me? You fuckin..." It took the man's low timbre of a laugh near his head to realize he was joking. Carl slugged him in the chest. "You're a dick," he muttered, sighing and laying his head on the man's shoulder. 

Negan finished his laugh and pressed a long kiss to Carl's forehead. "That's me." He stretched out and sighed, his body clearly not used to being on cushion. "Damn, you know how long it's been since I've been in a bed? Since we've..."

"Yeah," Carl muttered and cut him off, closing his eyes. It had been a very, very long time. Ages ago. He didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to think about just how long Negan had gone without normal human amenities during his sentence. Didn't want to think about how he hadn't begged Carl even once to try and convince his dad to let him out. Didn't try and get him to use their relationship for his own benefit. It just made Carl feel like an ass.

"Last time we were in a bed, yer dad slit my throat the next day. How fucked is that?" he said with a huff of laughter. Carl half-assed smacked him again. 

"Shut up. Don't you ever sleep? Just let me enjoy this."

"Alright, alright. Sorry, Sleeping Beauty." Another long kiss pressed to his forehead and Carl sighed in contentment. It had been a long time since they had been this close to each other. It felt almost wrong, despite the fact they had 'been together' for so long. Only inches apart by those fucking bars but god, sometimes it felt like miles. It felt good to be this close to him again.

Of course the man didn't actually shut up. "I know my dick was in yer mouth like, two days ago. But it feels weird holdin' you like this." And of course the man read his mind again like he always seemed to do. 

"It does," he agreed. He opened his eye and shifted upwards in the mans arms. Sighing, he pressed his forehead into the side of the man's head. "I'm gonna get you out of there for good soon." It was a statement. He was going to figure it out.  

"Don't worry about it, sugar. Got all I need down there. Bed, books, food. Judy visits, I got you - " 

"I'm serious."

For once, Negan didn't say anything. Didn't keep prattling on about how great his life was behind bars because they both knew he only ever did it to try and make Carl feel better. But Carl also hadn't ever made any sort of pledge to try and get him out before. Let alone soon. So instead of saying something, he heard the man swallow and then move to catch his lips in his own. It caught Carl off guard but he kissed him back with no less fury, only pulling back when it started to get a little too deep. 

Nothing else was said and Carl sighed, beat from the day, and slid back down to his normal height next to the man. Only instead of staying facing him he turned around. Thankfully Negan took the hint and turned with him until his back was flush up against the older man's chest, arms wrapped around the boy. Carl kept one hand clutched around the arms around him and scooted forward so Judith's back was to his chest, the fibers of her beanie tickling at his nose. 

"I love you, Carl." It wasn't something they said very often, which was odd considering how much Carl's family said it to each other. Maybe him and Negan were afraid of it, because whenever they did say it it was usually whispered in the dark in the middle of the night. And it was typically Carl that said it first. So Negan's soft admission caught him a bit off guard and he stared ahead of their little spooning chain, squeezing the former saviors hand a little tighter and biting his lip. 

"I love you too, idiot. Now go to sleep before I punch you there," he whispered, fearful anything louder would wake his incredibly light sleeper sister awake. 

Negan's chuckle rumbled against his back as the man buried his face into Carl's hair. "Whatever you want, baby boy."

He'd talk to his dad the second he got back. It was time.

[dracox-serdriel]

Orion - Chapter Thirteen: Bird Snare (The Flash)

Title: Orion [AO3] [LJ] [FF] Chapter: Bird Snare Universe: The Flash Pairings: SnowJay (Caitlin Snow/Jay Garrick), SnowHunter (Caitlin Snow/Hunter Zolomon) Word count: ~5,000 Spoilers: All episodes through 02x18 Versus Zoom and all comic books that feature Zoom/Hunter Zolomon. Rating: NC-17/MA Chapter summary: Caitlin and Hunter both make their next moves.

Canon-divergent as of 02x18 Versus Zoom. Caitlin Snow and Jay Garrick meet under strange circumstances, but the attraction between them is immediate and the connection, real. Stranded on Earth-2, Caitlin fights for her survival against Zoom, the seemingly unstoppable meta-human who has fallen in love with her.

Set immediately after the events in 02x18 Versus Zoom, Orion includes flashbacks to missing scenes during canon episodes of the season when SnowJay was developing.

Read Orion from the beginning.

Orion Chapter Thirteen: Bird Snare

Caitlin was in the kitchen preparing breakfast for herself and RJ. Somewhere between cracking eggs and reaching for the toast, a sudden wind rushed through the room, rattling plates and dragging with it a lingering chill.

She should get a sweater.

She turned, and a man was there. He hadn't been there a few moments ago. Had he? Yet, here he was, this man with a painfully familiar face. Who was he?

"Caitlin?" he spoke. "Can you hear me?"

"Of course I can hear you," she replied. "You're right in front of me."

"Hold up, you can - you can see me?" the man asked. Before she could say anything, he blurted, "Oh, man! It finally worked! I'm dream-Vibing you, girl!"

Confusion followed this pronouncement. Why was he surprised that she could see him? Who was this guy, anyway? Wasn't she supposed to be cooking?

"Look, I dunno how long this will last," he kept speaking. "Caitlin, we're working on something, okay? We're gonna bring you home."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, confused. "I am home."

RJ started to cry.

-----

Caitlin jolted awake, disoriented by the sheets wrapped around her and the wailing from the crib beside her bed.

The image of that man's face - his horrified expression - remained fixed in her mind.

Cisco.

Caitlin couldn't remember any substance from her dream. Had she been eating with Cisco? Walking with him on the beach? Working together back at STAR Labs?

She couldn't focus, not with RJ's sobs. She pulled herself out of bed and lifted the toddler into her arms. His cries dropped to sullen whimpers. Her first thought was that he simply wanted attention, but he remained clearly distressed when snuggled against her chest.

She checked his forehead with the back of her hand. No, he didn't seem to have a fever. She glanced at the clock. Twelve past three in the morning, not a time he was normally awake. At least, not since she started caring for him. Was it normal for him - or toddlers in general - to wake crying like this?

Probably not.

As she walked down the stairs with a fussing RJ, she reminded herself that she could do this and that this was good practice. In a few more months, she'd be dealing with an infant. Frequent nighttime disruptions were definitely part of her future, so she might as well get a handle on it now.

On the chance that he was hungry, she ducked into the kitchen. When she took a sippy cup out of the cupboard, RJ reached for it, which she decided was a good sign. He must be thirsty.

She filled it about halfway with milk, and soon, RJ was busy sipping from his cup.

Please let this be enough to make the crying stop.

They both needed to go back to bed, so once he was finished, she carried the now-much-happier RJ back up the stairs, exhausted out of her mind, and all thoughts of her dream forgotten.

RJ settled back down almost immediately, but Caitlin was not so lucky. She curled up in bed but couldn't get comfortable.

At some point after Hunter had brought her back to the Comet, she returned to her room with a gnawing, rolling numbness that had taken hold of her. She had stared out the floor-to-ceiling window that made up one of the walls to her room for... how long, exactly? Minutes? Hours? Days?

However long she stared, her eyes never really adjusted to the dark. The moon was barely a sliver in the sky, and clouds blotted out the stars. Still, the ocean mesmerized her. Outside, not far from where she stood, sprawling waves collided with a pristine beach, falling back only to resurge again, swallowing a little more shore each time.

And here she was, hours later, lying in bed, and all she could do was think about those waves.

Was that what was happening to her? It felt like it. It felt as if she was slowly losing herself to an inevitable tide, sure and certain to consume her. It was only a matter of time before she, too, disappeared beneath the salt and sea.

Maybe she'd be better off that way.

With that thought, she fell asleep.

-----

About two hours ago on Earth-2, Hunter sped across the world, checking each of the former breech sites for any signs of activity, save for the one deep in the jungle near Gorilla City. It was never wise to trespass on the Great Ape's territory, but it would be particularly problematic now, when it might alienate them from allying with the Cause. They'd soon learn of the horrors Gorilla Grodd suffered, and they'd be out for blood. Preferably, the MTU's blood.

That was a matter for another day.

He could use the breech Vibe opened to draw Zoom back to Earth-1, but Team Flash actively monitored it. The last thing he needed was to become the target of yet another one of their blundering, desperate plans. Any interaction between him and them could result in their injury, and Caitlin already had enough reasons to hate him.

That's what happens to monsters.

No matter what, this monster needed to get to Earth-1 and back without any interference. So he identified the most fragile of the patched-breeches.

Vibe would sense his arrival immediately, and there was nothing Hunter could do to avoid that. But he could enter and exit from two different breeches, depriving Team Flash of any opportunity to intervene.

As he raced into his entry breech, he wondered what Caitlin would think of his tactics to evade Team Flash. Would she see them for what they were - her influence on a broken and angry yet reborn man? Or would she read it as weakness, as fear?

She wouldn't believe it at all.

A patched breech was similar to an opened breach; it just took a bit more effort to punch through to the between to cross to the next universe. Within a few seconds, Hunter burst into Earth-1 Central City.

Part of him envied this universe. Here, metahumans had a future unencumbered by elements like the MTU. In one of the futures he'd lived, he'd even witnessed this universe banning together to protect their metas from the encroaching MTU army of Earth-2. He had given serious consideration to abandoning his own universe in favor of Earth-1.

But then, Caitlin had died in that future. Hunter realized then that Team Flash couldn't keep her alive. He would have to do it, and he couldn't protect her, not in this universe, anyway.

He arrived outside her apartment complex, deciding to enter without his speed. Caitlin had given him - or, rather, Jay - a key, and it'd be nice to walk in, just like old times.

Hunter wasn't sure what he'd expected. A flood of memories? An overwhelming sense of longing? Whatever it was, he braced himself for it, and it never came.

Instead, he was in a very familiar apartment with the ghost of some other man's past joys haunting his footsteps.

As he collected photos from the living room, the phantom was the countless times they'd curled up with one another on the couch.

When he gathered items from the bathroom, the specter staring him down was the bathtub, where they'd spent more than one romantic evening unwinding after a particularly rough day.

As he made his way back to the bedroom, he felt the weight of the next spirit awaiting him long before he opened the door. He hadn't fallen asleep with - let alone, woken up next to - many people in his life. He never let anyone get that close to him. Not until Caitlin.

He packed her photo albums and her clothing in a room full of another man's memories with Caitlin. He felt the whisper of every touch, the sensation of every noise, the ripple of everything spoken here. But it was like all of that had happened with another man, a man he longed to be. A man who had let her in.

And she, in turn, had let him in. Into her life, her arms, her home, and even into her body. She hadn't just let him in, she'd welcomed him, wanted him. This was the first place he'd ever really known that feeling.

And he wanted it back.

But Hunter couldn't catch a ghost. The memories churned up, but he was no closer to getting Caitlin back. He refused to delude himself into thinking she would soften because he'd brought her some of the comforts of home. No, one act of kindness wouldn't be enough. He'd need a hundred - a thousand - acts of kindness before she'd even budge.

It was a good thing he was the fastest man alive. A thousand acts of kindness - even in the middle of a brewing war, soon to erupt - were well within his grasp. And this would be the first.

When Hunter walked out of her apartment and locked the door behind him, he sensed something inside himself shift. The joys of this place did not belong to an apparition; no, they were his now, like they always had been. It was up to him to make sure that they stayed that way.

Despite three heavily packed bags, he paced himself as he exited the building until he found enough cover to conceal the blur of his blue lightning.

He needed to clear his head, so he ran freely, zipping over the Rocky Mountains and down the west coast before returning to the outskirts of Central City. He had one more point of business before he returned to Earth-2.

Reverb had been a problematic minion, but he had had his uses before he overstepped his authority for the last time. He'd designed all kinds of meta-tech, including assistive devices that could, in theory, work across the multiverse, though he constantly lied about the scope and objective of his work to conceal his plans.

Of course, Reverb had been unaware of Hunter's background in physics and chemistry. Had he even an inkling of Hunter's genius, he would've known how feeble his subterfuge had been.

That was why Hunter knew that Reverb had invented a multidimensional communications device under the guise of a "Breecher Detection Alert System." It hadn't been fully tested, but it was based on fairly sound theory.

And unlike Earth-2, this universe still had a metahuman with multidimensional abilities. What Reverb started, Vibe would surely finish. He had the motivation; all he needed was the opportunity.

Earth-2 Linda Park, aka Doctor Light, had arrived at the meeting spot early. She looked pale and generally unwell when he blazed into the dark alleyway.

"You said you'd leave me alone," was the first thing she said.

It was strange how brave she sounded, but the quiver of her lips gave her away.

"Did I?" he asked in his modulated Zoom voice. "I told you, so long as you continue to work with STAR Labs on this world, you and your family will be safe from me. And that deal remains."

She visibly relaxed as she realized he had not come here to kill her.

"I have something for you," he continued. "Something I want you to finish, and a message to deliver."

"A message?" she repeated incredulously. "Am I just supposed to tell my new 'team' that I had a chat with their old buddy Zoom?"

"Tell them whatever you like," he replied. "Tell them everything about our arrangement. Tell them nothing. It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?" she repeated, clearly confused. "Is that because you're going to... are you going to kill them?"

He considered her question. Doctor Light hadn't been a killer before she came to Earth-1, and her crimes had never been violent. She used her metahuman abilities to pull off bigger and bigger heists without any kind of physical harm. He once assumed that she did all this it because she knew that violent crimes attracted more heat, more cops, more retaliation.

Yet here she was, asking if he planned on killing her newfound team as if she genuinely cared about them.

Light had defied him. He couldn't let that stand, yet he also admired her for it. He decided against killing her when he realized he could use her to monitor Earth-1's STAR Labs, but that didn't mean he couldn't punish her just a little bit more. He'd let her stew with whatever unsettling thoughts she had.

For now.

"It doesn't matter what you tell them," he said. "Because soon they will know the truth for themselves."

With that, he left her with the package and raced back to Earth-2.

-----

Caitlin woke far too early in the morning for no reason at all. RJ was fast asleep, so she wandered into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

As she stood under the searing hot spray from the showerhead, she became alert and aware in increments, as if she hadn't quite finished waking up yet. Even so, accusation after accusation inundated her, refusing to abate.

She'd been so certain that Hunter had known about the baby, but his reaction had been all wrong. He'd been concerned and curious, but most of all, surprised. There was only one plausible explanation: she'd been wrong. He hadn't known about her pregnancy, and in her anger, she'd essentially locked her - no, their - prison forever. Whatever excuses Hunter made about holding her captive to protect her would be pale in comparison to the rationalizations he'd invent under the pretext of safeguarding his child.

No, not his child. Yours. Never his.

She tortured herself, reiterating those same thoughts until the water turned cold. But, as she toweled dry, she faced a particularly bitter truth: nothing had actually changed. If Hunter really was keeping her prisoner out of some twisted emotional connection - and she was starting to believe that was the case - then he was never going to let her go, pregnant or otherwise.

And how long could she have kept her pregnancy a secret from Hunter, anyway? Even if she could've concealed her test results, he would've cottoned on soon enough, either from all the adjustments she'd be making over the next few weeks or when she started showing.

At worst, her misstep had clued him in a few months early.

Assuming he hadn't already known.

Caitlin hadn't brought a change of clothing, so she returned to her room clad in the largest towel she could find. She fought the urge to collapse on her bed and sleep the day away. Now wasn't the time to give in or to give up, so she turned to her closet for something to wear.

She gasped - literally gasped - when she saw her favorite sweater. She pulled it out, and her fingers found the slightly loose right cuff and the wear spot at the right elbow. This was no replica; this was hers, from Earth-1.

Tears pricked at her eyes as she felt overwhelmed at the gesture.

Damn hormones.

Nothing had changed, whether or not Hunter had known about the pregnancy before. But she had successfully manipulated Hunter into crossing a breech to acquire some of her Earth-1 possessions.

She thought it'd feel like a victory, but instead she felt horrible. This wasn't her. This wasn't her.

Before she finished dressing, RJ woke up, unhappy and not afraid to express his dismay, so she carried him downstairs with her hair still damp, hoping breakfast would settle him.

And she spent the entire meal dreading Hunter's arrival.

Like always, food had been set out before her arrival: blueberry waffles - one of which was diced into very small pieces - and yogurt.

RJ fussed the whole time, unwilling to eat anything in front of him, but crying vehemently when Caitlin tried to take any of it away. It was enough to make her wonder if she was ready or motherhood. She had no idea what was wrong with RJ, and her patience for all the incoherent screaming was quickly evaporating.

She resigned herself to the sound of sobbing after fifteen futile minutes, leaving the inconsolable two-year-old to his own devices while she sat down to her now-cold meal.

Maybe she should run a few tests on RJ. He showed no signs of fever or congestion, but he could still be ill.

Or he might just be a two-year-old.

She decided she'd speak with Killer Frost just as RJ threw the remainder of his meal on the floor. Surely his mother would have some insight.

Thus, she rode down to the Comet, bypassing her "office" in favor of the second floor. She slipped into Unit C, but Frost wasn't there. Undeterred, she went to the floor's nurse's station, which was staffed by a familiar face: Roy Harper.

Not your Roy Harper. Earth-2 Roy.

"Where is Killer Frost?" she asked.

He seemed amused by her question. He sat back in his seat and asked, "What, are you, like, her sister or something?"

"You could say that," she replied. "Where is she?"

"Who wants to know?"

"Bellatrix," she answered.

Her response elicited an immediate reaction. His slouch vanished, and the smug half-smirk fell from his face.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," he said. " I didn't recognize you without your suit. Let me look up that patient for you."

Did Roy Harper just call you "ma'am"?

Roy typed something into the computer before he continued, "She's been moved to an intensive care floor for critical patients."

"Critical patients?" she repeated.

"Yes, ma'am. Level seventy-one, unit A. And, uh, children aren't allowed on critical floors - that's seventy to seventy-nine - not unless they're patients. But levels sixty-five and eighty-five have short-term day care for visitors."

"Thank you, uh - I'm sorry, I haven't asked your name."

"Berserker, ma'am."

"Thank you, Berserker."

Caitlin returned to the elevator and punched the number for level sixty-five. She didn't like the idea of leaving RJ in someone else's care, but she'd have to if she wanted to speak to Frost. So she dropped him off with a young woman who recognized him as soon as they stepped off the elevator. At least he wasn't with a total stranger.

"It's just a few minutes, Frostbite," she explained to him. "Just a few minutes."

She felt supremely guilty as she got back inside the elevator without him.

There were only two open units on level seventy-one. Most of the floor was a dedicated to Unit C, a biocontainment unit with an attached decontamination unit.

Caitlin spotted Doctor Midnight - one of them, anyway - working on a chart at the nurse's station. Unwilling to be held up by more questions, she ducked into Unit A.

Frost had been weak but definitely stable and improving yesterday, yet today her vitals had gotten weaker. Her first instinct was to consult her chart, but the patient was awake and starting straight at her.

"What are you doing here?" Frost snapped. "Didn't I tell you to get out already?"

"You did."

"You didn't bring him, did you?" she asked.

It was clear she meant her son.

"No," Caitlin replied. "What happened? Why did they move you here?"

"You mean the reject floor," she replied. "According to Doctor Midnight, I stopped breathing last night. Not sick enough to be on life support. Not well enough to get better."

"Don't say that," Caitlin said. "You just need time to heal."

"What for?"

"What for?" she repeated, indignant. "For your son."

"He's better off without me."

"How can you say that? He needs his mother."

"A mother who can't even touch him?" she shot back.

"You don't freeze everything you touch," Caitlin pointed out. "You're not freezing the bed you're lying in or any of the equipment touching you."

"No, just everything living," Frost said. "The only one who could survive my touch was Deathstorm. Our son didn't inherit that ability. My mother was a cold-hearted bitch, but she could hug him and wipe away his tears without freezing his skin."

"So that's it?" she asked, getting angrier by the second. "Ronnie dies, Mom dies, and you - you just give up?"

"You think I want to die?" she snapped. "I don't do make believe. I'm not getting better."

"But - "

"Remember your promise to me," she interrupted. "And whatever you do, don't bring him here. I don't want him to see me like this."

"You're not dying," Caitlin said stubbornly. "Not so long as I can help it."

"Tell me, why would you waste your time trying to save me?" Frost asked. "I'm a murderer, you know that, right? I've killed dozens of people. Possibly hundreds. A few of them were bad people that needed to die, but most of them were just in the wrong place at the wrong time... near me when I needed a nice, warm snack."

Caitlin asked, "If you're such a horrible person, then why did you save me? You could've used me as a battery like anyone else, but you didn't. You stopped that man from killing me."

Frost had no response for that.

"Maybe you think you're not worth saving, but I'm going to save you anyway," Caitlin said before she stormed out.

She made it to just outside the elevator before she realized that she'd said nearly the same thing to Jay - no, Hunter - only a few months ago back on Earth-1. Why was it that she was so dedicated to saving other people? Was it because she couldn't save herself?

No, saving Frost was strategic. She didn't have a clue - let alone a plan - for escaping, but she knew she'd need allies. A murderous ice queen with common decency and possibly a heart buried under years of detachment and resentment wouldn't be her first choice, but something told her she could trust her doppelganger.

Besides, she had worked with plenty of less-than-desirable people back on Earth-1, like Captain Cold and Heat Wave, and even Harrison Wells - or, rather, Eobard Thawne - after discovering his true identity. Even Team Arrow had worked with Malcolm Merlyn when times became desperate enough for such an alliance.

Screaming abruptly drew her attention. No, not screaming, an alarm. It was coming from Unit C.

She ran to help, but a flash of silver hurtled into her path, forcing her to come to an inelegant halt halfway to her destination. It was Hubris the fox.

Had he been following her this whole time?

Caitlin tried to go around him, but he kept adjusting his position to block her. When he started to growl and looked ready to pounce, she relented and backed away.

All she could do was watch from a distance as the alarm continued to howl. Doctor Midnight was in the decontamination area, donning some kind of helmet before his voice boomed over the intercom.

"All patients must be gagged before I enter."

What the hell kind of protocol is that?

The alarm went off because one of the patients was enduring a prolonged seizure. One of the healthy patients unceremoniously shoved a rag into the seizing patient's mouth - which was not safe or remotely acceptable for anyone having a seizure. Doctor Midnight didn't open the door until the other two patients were both gagged in their beds.

By the time the doctor entered to administer diazepam, the patient had been seizing for over five minutes, increasing the risk of status epilepticus and other dangerous complications.

But, why? Why did the patients have to be quarantined? Why did Doctor Midnight insist on gagging them before delivering even the most basic treatment? It didn't make any sense.

It makes sense if they're MTU employees. Maybe this is Doctor Midnight getting some revenge.

That wasn't right. She couldn't just let this stand.

"Bellatrix," Totem said as she entered from the elevator. "You are needed elsewhere."

"You expect me to leave after what I just saw?" she asked. "What kind of medical protocol requires patients to be gagged?"

"I understand your concern," she said calmly. "But the precautions here are all necessary. If you come with me, I shall explain on the way."

Caitlin wavered a few moments between standing her ground and leaving, but ultimately, staying here wasn't going to help anyone. Before she could remedy the situation, she needed to know what was happening.

So she went to the elevator, led by Hubris and followed by Totem, with an especially nasty bit of suspicion embedded in the pit of her stomach.

Before the doors even closed, she asked, "What was all that? With the gagging?"

"Those patients are all biologically related to a metahuman with speech-related powers," Totem explained. "The Metahuman Tactical Unit experimented on those three for over a year. We do not yet know the full effects of those experiments, so precautions are being taken."

It hadn't escaped Caitlin's notice that Totem had not only omitted the metahuman's name but was also vague about the meta-ability in question. But she'd recently let her anger drive her to some unfortunate choices lately, and she didn't want a repeat of that.

After all, the Comet had just been inundated with patients. Was it fair to expect Totem to know the name of every patient off the top of her head? Probably not.

Caitlin would consult the digital patient charts once she got back to her "office."

So, on to the other business at hand. She asked, "Where are you taking me?"

"To a patient only you can treat," Totem replied cryptically. "But before you meet her, you must put on your suit, Bellatrix."

-----

Hunter had unpacked Caitlin's Earth-1 possession as soon as he returned, sneaking into her room as she slept. His watched her for a little while, hoping that their next conversation would go better than their last. His plans to speak with her over breakfast, however, were foiled by reports of increased MTU activity along the west coast.

He couldn't ignore it, not with the proximity to the Comet. So he left to deal with it himself.

It was much worse than he'd thought.

In response to the Siege, the MTU had initiated global mobilization. And it wasn't just the MTU. All kinds of government agencies and private corporations were suddenly moving weapons and personnel. Even local law enforcement was out in full force, collecting any associates of known metahumans.

Zoom ordered the Cause to retreat completely underground. He couldn't risk his metas being caught, which meant desperate rescue missions needed to be taken off the table entirely. As a result, the Cause's network abandoned its intelligence gathering work, even the most remote monitoring posts.

Only a handful of metas could collect the kind of intelligence they needed to prepare for their next move. Totem's familiars could assist and blend in, unnoticed by counter-intelligence agents, but they wouldn't be enough.

Zoom spent the majority of the morning reassigning resources and crippling enemy supply lines. Slowing the MTU down would buy the Cause enough time to prepare.

Though, part of him knew he was also stalling. He was dreading the conversation he needed to have with Caitlin. It was far easier to burn cables and smash caravans than to face her again.

Which was why he was standing in her room in the middle of the day, knowing that she would be down in the Comet. Why is it that everything had to be coming to a head all at the same time?

"Hunter?"

Her voice made his heart jump into his throat. He turned to see her heading for her closet.

Somehow, she was even more beautiful then she had been just this morning.

"What are you doing in my room?" she asked.

"I came to drop something off," he replied.

"If you mean my clothing, I've already see it," she said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said. "But, Caitlin, we need to talk about what comes next."

She crossed her arms, but otherwise didn't respond.

"If you are plan to keep it - the baby, I mean - there are things you should know," he said. "I thought it'd be easier to... I put all the data on this."

He held out a slim laptop, and she reluctantly walked over and took it.

"So, what?" she asked. "This is about genetic disorders in your family?"

It was a shrew question, and, admittedly, one he hadn't even considered.

"No, it's more general than that," he hedged. "And that laptop has been set up with an inter-dimensional intercom. It's not fully functional yet, but when it does - "

"I'll be able to talk to Earth-1?" she asked. "Why? Why would you suddenly be okay with me talking to my friends?"

He knew she was going to be suspicious of his motives. He couldn't blame her for that, but he also wasn't expecting the accusation in her voice to hurt him so deeply.

"Because, after you read what's on that computer, I think you're going to need them," he replied. "Caitlin, please, I - "

A blaring alarm interrupted him. Moments later, Blink appeared, running up the stairs to Caitlin's room.

"Sorry to interrupt," Blink said. "But Gigawatt and Geomancer have gone insane."

"I'll meet you at the usual location," he said to Blink.

She nodded before she ran back down the stairs.

"I have to deal with this," he said. "Whatever other work you have today, Bellatrix, it can wait. You need to read that first."

With that, he followed behind Blink, down the stairs and probably into the Comet, leaving an incredibly confused Caitlin in his wake.

Chapter notes: The title of this chapter, Bird Snare, is from the Maori name for the constellation Orion, Pewa-o-Tautoru, which means "Tautoru's Bird Snare."

Author notes (somewhat spoiler-y): This fic has previously mentioned dissociative disorders, specifically from Caitlin's perspective as a possible diagnosis for Hunter Zolomon/Zoom. While Caitlin, as a character, considers this a real possibility, I want to state here that that is simply not the case. Caitlin Snow considers the possibility that Hunter has a dissociative disorder because those were the insights inspired by her limited background in psychiatry/psychology.

I'm writing this note because I know that dissociative disorders are poorly represented and very often mishandled in pretty much all forms of media, and it's important to me that anyone reading Orion understands that this story is not meant to represent or describe someone living with a dissociative disorder.

[northofsomewhererp]

Your Name, Age (17+), & Timezone: Natasha, 24, EST

Your Birthday: 12/19/93

Calliope Rowena Grimshaw turned 27 years old on January 14. She a Food and Beverage Manager in Greensville. Her face claim is Jessica Parker Kennedy.

Admin Note: Hi Natasha, welcome to NOS! All you need to do now is send in Calliope’s account, and we can get your follow link posted (we’ll also get you a link to the OOC). If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out, we’re here to help! We look forward to RPing with you!! - Admin Tash

Bio: Calliope was born to a Swedish divorcee who was in the middle of a whirlwind romance with a new man. They were married before Calliope could even sit up and her brother was born that December. Growing up with brown skin among her very Nordic family with parents who seemed to actively distance themselves from her led her astray. She met disaster (James) when she was nine and by the time she was twelve, there was no going back. Her teenage years were spent on drugs, prostitution and misery. The worst day (at least, it seemed like it at that point), was when he kicked her out, unwilling to raise a child. She was nineteen, then. She went back to her parents for support and, after the baby, Diona, was born, was set up in an apartment and she never heard from them again. Things stayed terrible for two years. Diona was born small because of the drugs, Calliope had no friends or family to support her, and she was attacked by a John one night, which pushed her to seek out a job as a cashier. That hardly afforded her enough to keep herself and Diona fed, let alone comfortable, so she went to the only person she could think of, Frankie, an older half-sister she’d stumbled upon seven years ago.

That marked a shift in her life, the moment when everything very slowly began to come together. Her sister gave her a job bartending, the lodger she kept, Ransom, became a babysitter for Diona, and Calliope got to be a normal-ish, if not overly stressed, 22 year old. She started feeling safe enough to make friendships, she excelled at her job and started making recommendations for the menu, and she started to think about James less often. The next year, she went with her sister and her performance troupe on a European tour, playing with the band and providing food until they reached Sweden, where she spent the second leg with a maternal cousin, teaching Diona Swedish and recording some songs. When she was 24, she and Ransom started dating and (accidentally) started a family, which came with more heartbreak and hardship. Milo was born in August of 2017, and they were still working to clean up the mess falling in love caused by the time his first birthday came. The worst of it was over, however, and they’d gotten used to helping each other with their personal messes before they ever dated. Life was more stable than it had been since she was a child. She only hoped it would stay that way.

Activity (1-10): 7

Have you read the rules?: removed

Would you like to be paired with a buddy to have character connections with (For new applicants)? Sure~

In the event that you leave, can we keep your biography for future use? No. Any comments/questions?: I’d rather my bio not be broadcasted out into JPK’s tag or anything, please.

Sample( 2+ paragraphs):

“Oh…. Th-that….”

“Y-yes, that,” Frankie repeated, sounding stern, despite her hiccuping. Somehow, she always managed to be intimidating when she needed to be. Calliope didn’t understand it.

“He…. W-we…. I….” Calliope was at a complete loss for words. She probably know that Frankie was going to have something to say to her when she found out that Diona was calling her boyfriend Daddy, but she felt like she’d been blindsided with a punch to the gut nonetheless.

“C-Calliope,” she started authoritatively, “You two have been together for what, a month? And n-now this? Do you really think that’s smart?”

“I… I don’t know. She started calling him that and then he, he told me…. He’s OK with it…. H-he’s happy about it, I think, and…. They love each other, so…. She needs a father,” she murmured, not looking at Frankie. Calliope knew that letting Diona call RJ Daddy was a risk, a big one, but she didn’t want to stop her. Not if it was what they both wanted. What she wanted, as well.

“Lily, did you need a father? Did I?” Frankie asked indignantly. What was she trying to say? That women couldn’t manage on their own? Her mother certainly had, along with millions of other ones. And their father had abandoned the both of them before they were born, without a second thought. How could she want anything to do with him?

“Yes. I did,” Calliope answered forcefully, nodding her head as she did. “My life would’ve been totally different if he stayed. I might have gone to finished high school and gone to college and had a normal job before I was twenty-two and-.”

“And you wouldn’t have had Diona, nor would you have your little brother and sister, or me, or any of your friends, or your cousin. The list goes on and on and on. Would you really want things to be that way?” Why were they even having this discussion? Frankie never thought that, even after everything that went on, Calliope would want to do it all over again so things could’ve been easier. Just because it would’ve been easier didn’t mean she would be happy. She was happy now, wasn’t she?

Calliope looked down to the floor again as she listened to her sister, this time in irritation. “Are you done yet?” she asked pointedly. “I know all that, Frankie. I wouldn’t change anything. Not with the way things are now. But I certainly wouldn’t be sad if things had gone better before now, either. Can you blame me? Really?”

Frankie glared over at Calliope for a moment, but relented finally, and sighed. “No. I guess not.”

“No,” Calliope repeated, “You can’t.” She folded her arms and took a deep breath, trying to calm down a little, as difficult as it was. She wasn’t stupid. She knew that Frankie saw her as slightly incompetent. At least slightly. And no, Cal didn’t have the best self image or the most confidence in her abilities as a mother or an artist or anything, but it hurt her to know that her sister felt that way, even if it was only a tiny bit.

“But you have to admit that I have a point. At least with her natural father, she didn’t even know him, so she was never hurt by him. If RJ goes, she’ll be just as crushed as you. Maybe more so,” Frankie reasoned, softening her tone, trying to diffuse the situation and still get her point across.

“I know that, Frankie,” Calliope she answered, emphatically and exasperatedly. “I know. When he told me, I was terrified. And I still am. I thought about exactly what you’re saying, and I even tried to bring it up to him, but he said that you can’t go into a relationship and expect to it end, and he’s right.” Calliope shook her head as she spoke, seeming to say, ‘Why don’t you get it? How do I make you trust me?’ “I can’t just pretend that I’m not still worried that it’s going to happen someday, and it’ll be my fault, but I’m not going to let it get in the way. Besides, we don’t even know if he’d leave. He could still want to be in Di’s life. …Even if the two of us were on bad terms,” she added, praying to God that that wouldn’t be the case no matter what.

“I…. Fine. You’re right. It’s your life. And his. And her’s.” Frankie shrugged, resigning herself to the fact that Calliope wasn’t going to listen to her.

“It is our life, Frankie. We’re just trying to do what best for us as a… as a kind of family. We’re not talking about marriage or kids or anything. We haven’t even said ‘I love you,’ yet, but… this is what’s working. And I’m happy. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way in my life. And he’s happy, I’m pretty sure, and he makes Diona happy too, which is the most important thing to me. I’m being careful but��. I don’t want to sabotage this either,” she stated, signalling that the discussion was officially over.

“OK, OK. I understand. I will stop butting in where I’m not needed.”

“…I still need you, you donut. But I don’t need you to doubt me anymore, either. Sixteen year old Calliope and twenty-four year old Calliope aren’t the same people.”

Frankie looked over at her sister somewhat incredulously. That was the last thing she’d expected her to say. But maybe she had a point. Maybe she did still see that sixteen year old girl when she looked at her sister. That was kind of how it worked for parents and their kids, right? And when they were younger, Frankie was more of a mother than a big sister to Calliope, giving her the love and nurturing that she desperately needed, helping her to get her life together. “I’ll butt in less��� forcefully, then,” she corrected. And finally, for the first time since the conversation took this turn, they smiled at each other, small, somewhat weary smiles that nonetheless showed their mutual understanding of each other. “So, now, I’m taking you home, right? You have to get out of that dress and they’ll be wondering where you are in the morning.”

“No, it’s OK. I want to stay here tonight. I’ll just tell them we decided to spend some time together after work. It’s not totally untrue,” she reasoned, giving a half-shrug. “I’ll send him a text.”

Frankie’s smile became a little brighter with the news that Cal was staying. “That works,” she said simply. “I’m gonna go bed. I have to be at the Shoppe early tomorrow, so.” She went to leave the bedroom, making it all the way to the door but as her hand got to the doorknob, she stopped and turned around. “Lily. …Thank you. For, for before.”

Calliope hesitated before saying, “You’re welcome. …And thank you. For being concerned and everything.”

With one last smile, Frankie bid her sister goodnight and left the room, feeling like the weight of the world was finally off her shoulders.