#had to do the whole 'perfect is the enemy of good' mantra again
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If it's alright, I'd like to add a couple things that helped me when I was having the same problem:
Read "safe" things. One of the biggest reasons I stopped reading in high school was because I was still processing trauma and it felt like everything I picked up turned out to have content that triggered that trauma. Eventually, I became too afraid to read new things because I didn't know if an unexpected scene might send me into a week-long anxiety/depressive spiral. Eventually, I gave myself permission to do everything I needed to feel secure about a book's content, including only reading children's books and comedy and researching books before I read them. If there is something that keeps coming up in the books you read that makes you feel upset or unsafe, see if you can figure out what it is and actively avoid books with that element. If you'd like, you may be able to start exposing yourself to those things more and more over time in situations where you can be in control and have the tools to process. But you have to find your comfort zone before you can start expanding it.
(Caveat: while middle-grade books can be a good place to start for "safe" books, still exercise caution and do your research before jumping into an unknown book. Many children's books do have content that is commonly triggering, even if it is sometimes only hinted at or touched upon in broad strokes)
Read comics/graphic novels/manga. This goes hand-in-hand with OP's advice about "easier" books and essays and short stories, since many people find these easier and quicker to read than more "traditional" literature. These are an especially good option for people who don't want to read books targeted at a children's audience for any reason, because they are a great way to engage with adult content without being overwhelmed by lengthy prose. Do keep in mind that there are a variety of nonfiction graphic novels out there if fiction isn't really your thing. Don't let anyone tell you that comics, graphic novels, or manga don't count as "real" reading.
Read ebooks. Sometimes you suddenly find yourself with the time and motivation to read, but you don't have anything to read already on hand and the delay in going to a library/bookstore would use up all your time or kill your momentum. Ebooks are instantly accessible via smartphone and feel like much less commitment, especially if you're using a library app. If you suddenly find yourself with the impulse to read, enable that impulse as much as possible by eliminating the barriers of physical media. Don't let anyone tell you that ebooks don't count as "real" reading. I don't know where that idea even comes from.
Listen to audiobooks. If you're like me and find frequently task-switching between reading and any other task super frustrating, it can be difficult to find the time to sit down somewhere and read uninterrupted. Audiobooks are much easier to integrate because I can listen to them while doing other tasks, and I can switch between those tasks without stopping the audiobook. Nearly any time you might listen to a podcast or music is a good time to listen to an audiobook. If you use e-audiobooks, you also get the benefits of ebooks listed above. Don't let anyone tell you that audiobooks don't count as "real" reading.
Ignore pretty much anything anyone says about what "isn't real reading." Are there specific benefits to physically reading long-form text that you can only get from physically reading long-form text? Sure, I suppose. But I imagine that those specific benefits aren't why most people want to read in the first place. Want to learn new things? Want to foster empathy? Want to be entertained by a cool story? Want to learn new vocabulary? Want to build your attention span? You can do all of these things with "nontraditional" reading methods. There's no need to hold yourself back because of some weird reading purity culture that's out there.
how to start reading again
from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.
start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.
don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.
go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.
remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)
analyse â or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.
read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.
finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter â and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.
try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.
forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.
remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!
stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.
#whew finally got this one out of the drafts#i hope it helps someone and isn't too vague#had to do the whole 'perfect is the enemy of good' mantra again#if something needs clarification i'd be happy to expand#reading#books
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'Depends on the Wagon' liveblog!
I saw someone do timestamps in their liveblog and it was absolutely lovely, so I think I'll try that too
1:55 why does Curtain sound like an mlm ceo LMAO
2:07 WOW ASSHOLE đđ waving off your own teacher when he was complimenting you is not the vibe
2:17 so Dr. Curtian is only available through chain emails. Got it.
2:27 he seems like the kind of asshole to say that people on welfare are lazy and exploitave but then like, not pay his taxes
2:42 I DON'T LIKE HOW HE SAID THAT, THAT WAS CREEPY
2:47 oooooh Constance, always asking the right questions
3:05 Kate, why are you yelling, it's literally past curfew đ
3:35 oh hai Jackson.. gtfo
4:22 oh yeah, the best way out is through the hallway that Jackson just entered. Good plane, babe.
4:25 soooo Kate Depending On Friends arc :)
4:59 AYYY HI RHONDA!!
5:13 why do I kinda fucking love then all deciphering the Morse code together
5:20 so the kids use the gemini riddle? Not the adults???
5:36 his face when he figures it out đđđ
5:46 Nathaniel? Guess that's Dr. Curtain's name now. Less ridiculous than Ledroptha, but you dont get the badass Let Drop the Curtain reference
6:53 okay so no one knew he had a brother? But he did???
7:21 his faaaace đ„ș
7:29 AWWW HE COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO SHARE đđđ okay I'm kinda on board with the change if they can make it work in the long-haul
7:42 hi Milligan, good timing đ
7:56 "not the time.........I'll take a dozen" Number Two my LOVE
8:23 interesting. I dont think Mr. Benedict was adopted in the books? He certainly didn't let Violet's family, the Hopefields, because he knew their financial troubles would be even worse. So who?
8:54 ohhhh dear, stages of grief at work. Maybe don't do that
9:05 I talked about this in the MBS discord server, but I think the show is really nailing Mr. Benedict's feelings. He's always been an emotional person, but he has to be so careful. Bottling up your feelings only leads to bigger feelings later. It makes so much sense for Mr. Benedict to be a whirlpool of strong, repressed emotions.
9:11 MILLIGAN'S FACE JAHAHS
9:34 RHONDA'S FACE HAGSKDGDJ
9:40 Mr. Benedict, sweetheart đ„șâ€
10:01 "brothers stick together" why does it sound like he's talking about Reynie here đđđđ
10:12 that is a good ass point, Mr. Benedict already lied to them once
10:21 it makes sense for Sticky to be the one questioning the most because of his anxiety, but damn
10:46 AWWWWWW
10:56 KATE MAKING A BED FORT KATE MAKING A BED FORT KATE MAKING A BED FORT
11:00 I dont like how aggressive Kate is but it makes sense considering she's been in the circus for years, taking care of herself for far longer than she hasn't. She's not good at depending on people, and she's not good with difficult people.
11:10 Yeahh, Constance gets it!
11:40 Yeahhh, Constance gets it
12:55 that teacher seemed pretty nice last episode, nice to see that they're not what they seem just the same as Dr. Curtain lol
13:28 CONSTANCE I LOVE YOU đđ
14:00 "check again" okay so Krista from the tests and Martina give off the same vibe.. perfect đ
14:16 "yeah......hang in there :D"
15:05 all of the apologies to the general class.. he's such an anxious sweetheart. He's really reading as autistic to me.
My sister just called me đ it's like 8 am, I answered her like "did you ever consider that you might be waking me up?" She did not consider that đ
15:22 Martina's face just growing more and more annoyed and disgruntled HAHA
15:29 that was CORRECT?? WHAAAA
15:51 throwback to when I compared Dr. Curtain to an mlm ceo.. definitely like a cult
16:44 ohhhh Martina
17:30 CONSTANCE HEARING VOICES HELLOOOOO
18:22 ayyyyyy helper man
18:40 he seems too cheery to be a helper .-. The helpers all being super sad made [redacted]'s story make a whole lot more sense
19:35 aaaand now we get to it. You know, it really does seem a lot more cultish on screen than in the book
19:53 WAIT CONSTANCE GOOD JOB PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER đđđđ
19:53 that cut to Milligan making that exact face was INCREDIBLE
20:05 was he tryna leave? Yeah, good fuckin luck bucko
20:10 "critical papers at home" my ass, they packed everything up
20:24 the stages of grief back at it. đ„ș
20:38 their relationship >>>>
21:00 "located in the..?" *description of envelope* "located in the....?" *more description* "located in the????" đđđđ
21:34 ohhhhh Thursday must be the student ranking day
21:56 Martina seems like the kind to throw out "pick a god and pray" as a crit quote đ
22:07 I don't see any of the Society'a names on the list. Maybe they havent been there long enough
22:17 OH SHIT JK THERE THEY ARE
22:25 ohh Kate and Constance
22:55 the combination of the ferry horn and the bell makes it weirdly grim
23:55 them bringing Kate up and reminding her that she's needed đâš
24:29 hi Milligan bb ilyyyy
24:35 real good lookout guys, y'all are so well hidden
24:52 AYY HE'S DOING IT KATE STYLE
26:31 "visionary" is a word for it
26:31 I really kinda love that Number Two and Rhonda are going to such depths to try and help Mr. Benedict figure this out for sure
26:56 Mr. Benedict fully walking away while they talk about his brothers accomplishments đ I'm laughing, but poor guy
27:08 his FACE đ„ș
27:28 HERE'S THAT TANTRUM FROM THE TRAILER
27:28 take your guesses how many times will he fall asleep
27:50 "he just has to work through some things" you dont fuckin say
27:55 you mean to tell me he had a full blown meltdown and they didn't show him falling asleep once??
28:35 like father like daughter đâš
29:10 ayyyy secret desk compartment
29:19 honestly I'm surprised there were actually papers he needed and it wasnt an excuse to go confront Dr. Curtain
29:32 oh shit, how'd they manage to get that far inside? No one was there to guard it, but the maze itself is a security measure
29:42 KATE STYLE STRIKES AGAIN
29:47 ooooh I like Dr. Curtain's office
30:01 WAS THAT SQ AND DID HE JUST CALL DR. CURTAIN HIS DAD
30:41 birds have careers. Got it đ
30:50 JOURNAAAL
31:02 the fox?? Reynard the fox???
31:27 ohhh here we go, Dr. Curtain sees himself in Reynie only to resent it later
31:37 Mr. Benedict called Reynie a leader once too.. the parallels have âšbegunâš
32:12 is this the "keep your enemies close" conversation??
32:15 I'm honestly surprised he called him Sticky and not George
32:42 IT IS SQ IT IS SQ IT IS SQ
32:59 sooo that starts by not letting his caution down with you
33:11 Dr. Curtain congratulating himself mid-conversation on saying something deep is so in character
33:20 "I was betrayed by someone very close to me" so that was Mr. Benedict. Who the fuck else would it be
33:23 WHAT DID I SAAAAY
33:31 oh noooo Reynie starts doubting Mr. Benedict here? Is that the move?
33:43 that transition was so pretty stoppp
33:53 again how hasn't he fallen asleep
34:55 ayyyy journal snooping
35:05 Constance, my love, you are cut throat
35:11 Milligan is in the DRYWALL? ohh buddy be careful
35:21 omfg are they talking about water polo đ I love that that's the sport of choice
35:51 ayyyy they put the Milligan dots together too. Shame the guy's not with them rn
36:36 so Mr. Benedict brings up cheating first? I really like how we get to see the adults riddling out what to send back, we didn't get that at all in the books
37:46 I LOVE THAT THEY KEPT "don't get caught"
38:51 Kate riddling out the island schematics engineer style is so like her
39:07 they're just walking out the door?? Huh???
39:29 babe... turn off your flashlight
39:33 AND THAT'S WHY
39:58 is that the precursor to chuckroot?
40:38 the papers were from his orphanage đ„șđ„șđ„ș
41:14 why does that break my heart
41:19 Dr. Curtain and SQ doing shit together it just.. so heartwarming
42:00 HAHA
42:16 okay, so show!Curtain is a kissass đ
42:35 wait wait wait so Dr. Curtain is actively trying to contain his brother? That would explain why the Recruiters were looking for him and weirdly not the kids
43:25 "power wants to be free" sounds more like a personal mantra than a conversation between engineers
43:41 YES A LETTER TO MISS PERUMAL
44:02 more voices. Poor Connie girl đ„ș
44:36 he loves her so much đđđ
44:45 SHE TRIED TO SEND HIM A CARE PACKAGE
45:13 WORRIED MOM TIMEEE
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I finished typing and now I feel I have to preface it with a: this is all a monologue about Jedi and Force and Lucasâ inability to show the good story he wants to tell - just a warning. This is in no way meant to contradict the other post with that quote floating around or argue against it - just my own rambling coming to a conclusion I keep struggling with when it comes to SW universe and the ways it makes no sense to me and how I feel deep in my bones that Lucas is a crap storyteller.
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I donât know why, but for all the interesting concepts Lucas talks about, Anakinâs fall never sat well with me. In time I came to the conclusion I would respond better if the Jedi culture surrounding it wasnât so contradictory to itself.
And if he wasnât so heavily leaning on the concept of the âpure loveâ that is unconditional and undemanding and âunselfishâ. Tldr: that love does not exist outside of poetry and romance dramas and imagination. Like every other emotion humans feel, love is conditional.
Take the first trilogy - I got that. The Jedi were largely missing and there was not much lore-wise, but the vibe it gave was measured and peaceful and mindful, and all the things that stood against the Empire - that represented the Dark Side in a very concise way. It wasnât too nuanced, so we could buy it in this very simple âprinces kidnapped b ya dragonâ story. This is as good as Lucas gets.
But then the prequels happened and Jedi became this weird, extremely specific, but conflicting idea. They are not supposed to take sides in politics - except when they do. They are not supposed to kill - except when they do, with freaking relish. They are not supposed to love or hate or allow emotions dictate their ways - oh, except when they do. And they can have sex - just not sex with someone they want to settle down with (oh boy, is that a signifier of a story written by a guy or what?). All seems to be âexcept when they do, as long as it can be adequately justified to make them look goodâ.
And I do have an issue with the idea of âAnakin was too old to join, he was already attached to his motherâ which is, when you think about it, is insane. Learning to control your emotions and letting go of your wants, Buddhist way, fine.
Aiming to train children to not be attached to their parents? What? How young a child has to be for that attachment forms? How is a meditation and repeating mantras going to help a 5-year old who is missing their mom at the temple? How do you even expect to train a child out of missing their mom??? How is it NOT better to get an older child that can reason above the instinctual and hardwired need for their mother?Â
But letâs say Anakinâs attachment to his mother was âselfishâ from the beginning - but, thatâs the thing, was it? Was it really? They were slaves and she was his only family, okay, obviously that made his attachment stronger and more layered than, say, a normal middle-class Coruscanti kid who could love their mom without constant fear that any day they can be separated forever by someone who didnât give a shit. In that sense, yes, Anakin was desperately attached to his mom and afraid of loosing her - there was fear in him. Right, Iâm there with you, Yoda.
But the movies show us that the way Jedi seem to approach these hard subjects is by not approaching them at all - oh, well, we canât take him in. He had a difficult childhood and there are issues attached, get him out of here.
In a galaxy full of races and issues and the Force being tied to any and all creatures in any and all circumstances - this was the hard line Jedi were drawing. In essence, either only accepting kids young enough to not remember their parents (and I see absolutely no issues whatsoever that could happen here, nope) or with childhoods perfect enough not to have any issues whatsoever. Anyone else? Adults that discovered Force when they were older? Kids like Anakin with hard childhoods? Creatures that were either culturally or chemically wired differently enough that the tight reins Jedi held over their emotions werenât possible for them? Nope. Go away. You are a bad person in the making.
If you spend a moment contemplating, you will realise this is such a white privileged guy way to think about it. And if you stick your head into the microwave for a couple seconds, you can almost understand how Lucas thought this is something profound and mystical.
No that I think about it... I always thought Sith were freaking clowns - their philosophy makes no sense, their ârule of twoâ is hilarious, everything about them is just so badly designed and thought out, and who would ever decide to join of that creepy cult of their own volition? It made no sense!
But, as an answer to the egalitarian and contradictory ways of the Jedi - Sith make all the sense to exist. And letâs forget about the Light and Dark (that I donât believe exist above the ways of personal emotional expression that in time trains the Force around a person in certain ways - like a person can train their brain in and out of anxiety ofr example), but focusing strictly on philosophy - yeah, being a Sith makes sense when any other way is barred form someone by no fault of their own. And barred with an excuse they are a bad seed anyway.Â
âYou fear/hate/desire hence you canât access the Force with usâ = âWell fuck you, then, I will access the Force in my own way, using these exact emotions!â
Like, Sith are clowns, but Jedi suck in their own very special way and their fall was just waiting to happen.
I get a strange feeling that Lucas created Jedi as a class of a warrior monk in DnD and then scrambled to create their enemies out of the simplest contradictions. Light-dark. Love-Hate. Peace-Fear. Etc. But because Jedi were so simple - once they started to gain popularity and he had to expand their lore and layer on the philosophy, he hit a wall. Or rather, the bottom of the kiddy pool. Because a âwarrior monkâ is not an a âgoodâ class, but he wanted them to be mostly warriors, but also a force of good in the galaxy, because Star Wars is the same simple story repeated again and again with a new set of characters (regardless of how much fake politics is thrown in to obscure that fact) so this whole universe is basically built on giving Jedi reasons to fight and kill, and adequately justifying them. And then the Dark Side had to catch up by being more ridiculously evil at every turn - accidentally unmasking the way Jedi philosophy falls apart under closer scrutiny.
So like, to make a full circle, the one thing the prequels did well was to show Anakinâs fall (and I am not gonna argue, it was effective and he is a villain of this story) but they also presented - I think against the creatorâs intention - why it was pretty much inevitable. Not because Palpatine was there to whisper poison, or because Force itself strived for âbalanceâ (even though the latter is a hilarious idea I love to contemplate) - but because Jedi, as presented in the movies-media around them, as a philosophy and way of life is inherently contradictory and unsustainable from the point of being a, well, a breathing, thinking being.  The âselfish loveâ argument would work so much better if it wasnât presented with an example of a kid who was born a slave and the people who saw it as a strike against his character, and did very little to address the specific issues that could arise from that before it was too late.Â
Would it fucking kill them to let go of their strict training routine and ensure that his specific emotional needs were met? That Shimi was, I donât know, NOT A SLAVE. They seem to interfere into politics just fine when need arises - but not when itâs a sandy planet in the ass-end of the universe no one cares about. Then no, we canât liberate one slave. That would be acting in self-interest - not in the interest of not allowing one of the strongest members of out order to fall into the ruin we have forseen form the beginning.Â
It would work better is if Anakinâs âselfishnessâ was presented as his inability to let Padme leave him for someone else/just leave him - not to be unwilling to let her die. Â
Think about it for a moment - he wasnât presented with the idea of Padme leaving him. With the idea of his mother not loving him anymore. He was firmly and, form his point of view, believably, presented with the idea of both of them DYING. Which actually happened to his mom, solidifying the fear in his mind.
Yes, he was not meant to go on a rampage and kill the ones who killed Shimi - but wasnât he? The Jedi are not against killing. Only killing in self-interest I guess - when self-interest is not oneâs life and their political affiliation or their âjobâ at hand, that is. Revenge is a no-no, but a military retaliation is a yes-go. Canât kill anyone who wronged me - but I can kill those who wronged a person who gives me orders. How does that work within a Jedi doctrine?Â
How, in good conscience, can you present this scenario, George, and then try to spin it into this big philosophical bullcrap about unselfish love???? Â Jedi murdered people over political squabbles - but I guess thatâs okay because they werenât invested??? And thatâs better?!?!? George! What the fuck! You are such a bloke my head hurts!
In case of Anakin, Jedi were essentially Elsaâs parents. I pretty much despise Elsa and the film she crawled out of, and I personally donât like Anakin as a character either, so this is not stanning in any way, but their issues scream âI was raised by well-meaning idiotsâ and shows the level of botched storytelling I just canât reconcile.
Which, you know what?Â
Luke, who spent years studying Jedi ways and taking them into himself?Â
I can believe than this Luke would try to kill his nephew at the barest whiff of the Dark Premonition instead of helping him manage his motions in a somewhat healthy way - that seems to be exactly what a real Jedi would do, after all.Â
#star wars#rant?#thoughts?#rambling#jedi suck blue balls#and so do sith#sw#lucas should never write on anything that isn't a post-it note
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Tangled Salt Marathon - Queen for a Day Part 1
This is my personal favorite episode in the whole show and one of the strongest episodes in the series. However, even it is not without flaws, so letâs dig in.Â
Summary:Â Rapunzel takes over the kingdom while her parents go away for their anniversary. A blizzard strikes Corona, keeping everyone inside their houses, and an accident in the mountains traps Frederic and Arianna. Xavier reveals that the blizzard was a curse sent by Zhan Tiri, an evil monster who attempted to destroy Corona but was defeated and imprisoned in another realm by his enemy, alchemist Lord Demanitus, who used a device to redirect the blizzard. Meanwhile, the black rocks keep spreading in Old Corona and begin to approach the castle. Varian starts testing the mystical rocks, but his father forbids him, refusing to tell him anything. One of Varian's experiments result in the rocks trapping Quirin.
The Show Fails to Acknowledge How Quirin is in the Wrong
Look, I like Quirin, and he is of course miles better than either Frederic or Edmund. But thatâs a low bar to cover and heâs not perfect. Thereâs a reason why his relationship with Varian is strained to begin with and that reason is completely his fault.Â
This scene where he rolls his eyes and is embarrassed by his son, who is just expressing how excited he is to spend time with him, highlights the problem adequately. Quirin is neglectful. He obviously doesnât spend enough time with his child, nor gives enough positive feedback. Â
Now weâre given contexts clues as to why that is; as a leader heâs a busy man, heâs not good at communication, Varianâs made enough mistakes that he no longer trusts his son with important information, ect. This is all understandable and makes for a believable and engaging conflict. However, because the show never has Quirin verably own up to these mistakes it makes his and Varianâs resolution in season 3 feel hollow.Â
So This Plot Point No Longer Makes SenseÂ
As I pointed out in previous episodes, having Pascalâs Story and The Wrath of Ruthless Ruth come before Queen of a Day contradicts this core set up of Rapunzel being trained to take over for her parents and then left on her own for a few days. Â
This a Wasted Character Arc
Overall, Eugeneâs arc is about learning responsibility and thatâs fine. But more specifically, it was supposed to be about him learning to be a king. Heâs meant to be a mirror to Rapunzel in addition to her support. He should be learning to be a leader like she is and they both should be growing as a team; taking on the aspects of ruling that the other canât or shouldnât be doing.Â
Thatâs clearly what the writing team were shooting for in the first two seasons. Only to then promptly dump it all in season three. Giving us an asspull âconsolationâ arc instead. More on that when we get to it.Â
The Exchange Between Quirin and Frederic Isnât Expounded UponÂ
So this scene is suppose to hint that both Quirin and Frederic know more than they are letting on. The problem is we never get any follow up explaining just how much either of them knows nor whose idea it was to move the citizenry of Old Corona. Details like that are important to the plot and shouldnât have been glossed over.Â
Even if you wanted to keep up the mystery for the moment, then you should have had a scene in a later episode explaining things like this.Â
This is a Lie
Granted this is intended to be a lie for plot purposes, but then it is never followed up upon after it serves its use. Meaning Rapunzel never acknowledges her fault here. Â
This is Awful Advice
I canât stress enough just how bad this âlessonâ actually is. I had to screen cap the whole thing, itâs that awful.Â
Rapunzelâs only arc in the show is her learning to be more assertive. Now thatâs fine if weâre talking about her living the life that she wants to live. Thatâs not the same thing as dismissing others whose lives you hold in your hands though.
A leader has to listen. Thatâs part of the job. You can't just do whatever you want just cause. Just because you believe you know what's best doesnât mean you actually do.Â
Time and time again we see both Frederic and Rapunzel screw up and hurt others by following this stupid mantra. Yet despite the consequences, not once does either character acknowledge that theyâre wrong. Worst, the only people to point out their selfishness are made into villains.Â
Hear Him? He Said Months
So thereâs some matter of debate about just how long Varian was left on his own after this episode. All evidence points to several months, however in interviews the seriesâs creator claimed it was only for a few weeks. Ignoring the fact that Chris has lied to the fandom before, I have to call bullshit on that.Â
The season takes place over the course of six months, Queen for a Day is meant to the be the midseason finale. Given this line, and other context clues, it stands to reason that Queen for a Day and The Secret of the Sundrop should be three months apart.Â
However, the very fact that we have to rely on context clues and ask for clarification by the showâs writers after the fact, means that the crew has failed to showcase the passage of time correctly despite it being an important plot point.Â
The Song Contradicts The Showâs âLessonâ
I actually really like âI Got Thisâ. Itâs my third or fourth favorite song in the show and my personal favorite song to focus on Rapunzel. However, it presents to us a conflict thatâs wholly different to the one the episode is trying to tell.Â
This episode wants to teach Rapunzel about confidence and being assertive, yet here itâs her overconfidence that causes her to screw up. Sheâs not actually listening to the people and jumping ahead with ideas because she personally thinks theyâre good not because she has anything to back them up, and they wind up blowing up in her face.Â
Thatâs kind of the opposite of âlisten to your heartâ and presents to the audience that Rapunzel needs to learn a lesson in humility instead. But the show never follows through on this.Â
 See Writers? You Do Know How to âShow Donât Tellâ
Look, this scene with Quirin is the best written scene in the whole show and deserves to be pointed out. We learn so much here just from the action. Not a single line of dialogue is spoken. We needed more of this in the series and less of the one line info dumps.Â
The Audience Deserves to Know Too
We never find out what Quirin is hiding from Varian. Yes, we learn of the Dark Kingdom, the Brotherhood, and of the Moonstone, but none of those things are cause for keeping Varian in the dark.Â
Quirin says heâs ânot readyâ, but thereâs nothing that we find out in the show itself that would be of any great emotional impact to Varian. Itâs poor set up and lack of resolve, once again.Â
Oh, Hi Xavier. Where Did You Come From?
Yet again the series fails to actually introduce Xavier properly. He showed up in Under Raps, but with no real establishment. I legit forgot who he was and was confused by his sudden appearance here, when I first watched the show.Â
Weâre never given an explanation of how Xavier knows what he knows nor what his stake or part in the story is. Heâs just there. Heâs the very definition of an exposition fairy if there ever was one. Â
My What a Let Down This Build Up IsÂ
Technically we do see Xavierâs story revealed in a flashback, but itâs nothing that actually explains what is going on. By the end of the series weâll know little more about the big bad of the show than what we do here in this bit of foreshadowing.
Once again, poor set up and resolve.
ConclusionÂ
So thatâs the end of part one. The episodes are broken up on Disney Plus and thereâs far too much to cover, so Iâll be breaking them up as well. Tomorrow weâll come back to second half.Â
#tangled#anti-tangled#tangled the series#rapunzel's tangled adventure#rapunzel#varian#quirin#king frederic#tts#rta#eugene
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Of Two Hearts: Chapter 7
Seokjin x Reader x Taehyung (ft. Jimin and Namjoon)
Genres: Royalty AU, angst
Word count: 4,729 words
Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
Read the First Part: What You Never Had
Disclaimer/Copyright
The sun was scorching the ground, burning you and Taehyung along with it, but you took it in stride. No one would have time to worry about something this trivial in the heat of battle. Resisting the urge to glance at Jungkook, who was standing some distance away under the merciful shade of the cluster of trees, you urged your horse along, readying yourself to shoot once again. Gathering your focus with one deep breath, you got into position, then let loose an arrow. A satisfying thunk greeted your ears, but you didnât follow the sound with your eyes. Instead you drew another arrow from your quiver, swiftly moving to repeat the feat. Taehyungâs instructions repeated in your mind over and over, like a mantra. Keep your shoulders and arms still. Pressing your right thigh against the saddle, you rested the bulk of your weight against the stirrups, drawing the nocked arrow and quickly releasing it.
After repeating this until you ran out of arrows, you turned your mare around, directing it towards Taehyung, who was waiting just outside the range of the trees you were aiming at. He walked towards you as you approached, but your eyes were eagerly zoned in on the trees. Anxious to find out how you did. It was getting late, and this would probably be the last round for the day. Since you were training in a remote field a little way away from the main castle building, you needed to allow some time to return home before it got dark. With the preparations for the war in its final stages, Jungkook, your Royal Guard, was the only man that could be afforded to spare to guard you, but you actually preferred it this way. If the trees didnât obstruct your view, the walls of the castle would still close enough to be seen, so you shouldnât be in any real danger. Of course, on occasions Taehyung joined you as well, such as today. He was your teacher, after all. At first, the lessons were frequent, but heâd had to focus on his actual duties once youâd gotten the basics down. Thankfully, youâd managed to learn quickly, sparing yourself the guilt of bothering the important man so much, as well as the confusion of being close to him for extended periods of time.
âYouâre doing much better than I thought,â Taehyung commented once he was within hearing range. âIt shouldnât be surprising, I suppose, although I sorely wish that this excuse for me to spend more time with you could have lasted a little longer.â
His roundabout statement, coupled with your awkward position of looking down at him from atop your horse, made you shift uncomfortably in the leather saddle. There were many reasons for you not to question him â your cowardice being on the top of the list â but in these instances, he had you dying to ask. And this time, you gave in to your urges. âForgive me for asking, but why would you want to spend any more time with me than necessary? Considering what Ji â what my lady-in-waiting told you, why are you still going through with all of this?â
It wasnât wise to ask. Doing so was just poking the hornetâs nest. You knew that. However, you just couldnât go on any longer without knowing. Letting Taehyung treat you like this; like heâd never known about another manâs existence in your life, was unbearable. However, instead of answering, he reached his arms up towards you; an offer to help you get down from your chestnut mare. Holding back your frustration at having your question go unanswered after youâd plucked up the courage to voice it, you acquiesced into getting off and into his arms. Once he lowered you to the ground, you started to back away, but Taehyungâs arms grew firmer around you, making your breath catch. It wasnât like heâd never touched you before, but it had all been necessary contact. Even when he taught you how to dance, heâd held you almost as closely as he had you now, but it was always been for the purpose of teaching you something. There was something different in this embrace. A tighter grip. Something more purposeful than mere instruction, you could tell. That dark look youâd never seen in his eyes. Your senses were prickling, telling you that you needed to get away for your own good. Yet you couldnât escape even if you could muster the strength to pull away. For some reason, you were frozen in place.
âPlease donât blame her. She told me in the hopes that I would offer you release from your predicament. Sadly, it did not achieve the effect she had intended.â His words had your mind reeling. Ji Eun really told him about Jin so he would cancel your engagement. She had told you as much, but his admittance to it still had you stunned. It did not achieve the effect she had intended. What did he mean by that? Were you right in your assumption that he didnât break the engagement agreement just to spite you? You looked into his brown eyes, desperate to find the truth within its depths. No, that couldnât be right. Your instincts told you that he wasnât that kind of person. He might not be perfect, but he wasnât mean or vindictive. However, before you could try to ask for a clarification, heâd cut you off with a query of his own. âDoes your hand hurt?â
Again, he didnât give you a chance to form words, instead reaching out for your drawing hand and to inspect it himself. Self-consciousness overtook you immediately â given the time spent on less than typical womanly pursuits, you were afraid that your hands werenât as soft and smooth as a princessâs should be. You wanted to start saying that it was completely fine and draw your hand away from his gaze, but he abruptly steered the conversation towards the unexpected once more. âDo you know how sensitive hands and fingers can be?â
âEh?â
Rather than providing a verbal response, Taehyung answered you by bringing your hand towards his mouth. A wicked grin grew from the ends of his lips right before they parted, and his tongue darted out. The tip of it flicked the end of your little finger, drawing a startled gasp from you. He proceeded to run his tongue from the heel of your palm up to your fingertips, showering each digit with thorough attention. And your traitorous body was reacting to it! Never would you have thought that the nerves embedded within your hands would shoot off such sparks, sending jolts all the way through your whole body. It was just your hand! Why was it reacting so strongly?!
âTaeâaah!â Your gasp bordered on a pleasured whine when he lightly nipped the tip of your index finger. He wasnât even gripping your wrist that tightly, yet you found that you couldnât pull away.
âMm, yes, I like it when you call me that.â Taehyungâs voice has always been deep, but this impossibly sensual quality to it was new to you, reverberating within your body like lightning trapped within a box, shaking you to your core. Then he pulled your thumb ring off, so he could engulf your thumb in his warm mouth and suck on it, and your knees threatened to buckle.
By some miracle, the last bit of your mind that retained the tiny piece of its sanity reminded you that you werenât alone. âOh!â Shocked into awareness by your own realisation, your head whipped to the left in Jungkookâs direction. Your Royal Guard had been leaning against a tree trunk some distance away so he could keep an eye on you. Although he still stood in the same spot, heâd turned his body away â giving the privacy he thought you needed. It informed you that heâd seen the whole thing, and this time you managed to yank your hand away, completely mortified.
Taehyung released it easily, but in return, his arm around your waist suddenly jerked you forward, causing you to topple against his chest. With a yelp, you tried to regain your balance, and he took your brief moment of helplessness to lean down and whisper in your ear, âperhaps not all hope is lost for me, after all.â
This time you had no intention to stick around so you could ask him what he meant. Feet desperately shuffling to find even ground, you retreated clumsily from his embrace, and he let you go easily, his arms falling to his sides. âIâitâs getting late,â you stammered, still panicked by your own response to his advances. âIâll be returning, if thatâs all right with you.â
âOf course,â he agreed amicably with a slight dip of his head, assuming the air of a gentleman contradictory to his behaviour just a moment ago. âI will follow suit, after Iâve cleared this up.â
In any other circumstances, you would have insisted that you should be picking up after yourself. It was you who were practicing, after all. But you simply nodded, eager to flee his intense gaze. Ignoring the guilt over making him do so for you, you started to hurry towards Jungkook, barely able to keep yourself from breaking into a full run away from the Crown Prince.
âBy the way, when I said that youâre doing well, I meant it,â Taehyung called after you, making you pause and turn back in curiosity. âYou may not be able to kill, but you have enough accuracy to slow your enemy down. And that may save your life.â
Normally youâd be elated to hear that heâd deemed your skills good enough to be of use, but at the moment you couldnât think of anything else other than his heat and saliva still lingering all over your hand. It was still tingling even as you held it protectively over your chest, as if afraid that Taehyung would suddenly run over and claim it once more. With a simple nod of acknowledgement, you turned away and all but sprinted towards Jungkook. You didnât even spare the trees that youâd aimed at a glance to see how youâd really done.
By the time youâd approached Jungkook, the guard had long heard you coming and had dutifully faced you once more, ready for whatever instruction you might have. âWe should return now,â you told him breathily, heart still racing. Whether it was caused by the speed with which youâd scurried towards him, or because of what happened with Taehyung, you werenât sure. The synchronised throbbing of your hand with the thudding of your heart suggested that it was the latter, but you couldnât think about that right now. Your head felt horribly messy, yet strangely you couldnât identify a single clear thought. All you wanted was to make an escape. Youâd leave analysing the situation for later. Maybe never.
âOf course,â Jungkook murmured obediently, but his brow was furrowed. âAre you planning to go back on foot?â
Darn it all! In your haste to put as much distance between yourself and Taehyung as quickly as possible, youâd left your mount behind. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Taehyung must be laughing to himself right now.
Seeing your flustered expression, Jungkook kindly offered; âI will retrieve it for you, if you do not mind.â
âYes, please,â you exhaled in relief. Just the thought of the face that Taehyung would make if youâd turned around to take her back was beyond mortifying. âThank you.â
While Jungkook got your horse for you, you stood still, as if the trees were more worthy of watching compared to the two handsome men, or like you were a sulking child. In truth, you were just willing your heartbeat to slow down to a normal pace, and your face to return to normal body temperature. By the time Jungkook reached your side again, youâd achieved neither, so you were glad that you were going back to the castle, at the very least. Hopefully once you were out of Taehyungâs vicinity, youâd be able to actually use your brain again.
Jungkook rode next to you, going along with your slow, pensive pace. At first, you hardly urged your horse forward, barely leading her in the right direction, even. Just riding in a daze. However, after a while, you noticed that Jungkook seemed uneasy from the corner of your eye. Was it because he was bored and wished to arrive sooner? You couldnât blame him â there were probably other things he needed to do back at the castle instead of just babysitting you â but he was still fidgeting after youâd started going faster. Considering that Jungkook seemed to be a rather private person, you decided to focus on the path ahead instead of saying anything, but after a while, your patience was unexpectedly rewarded.
âYour Highness.â
âHmm?â Mind quickly wandered towards Taehyung again, you were surprised at the sudden call.
âIf I may...â
You turned to flash an encouraging smile at him. Even though he was reserved, sometimes youâd wondered if he was being polite because of your status. Every time heâd broached any subject or conversation with you, heâd always been so hesitant and sweet. âDo go ahead.â
âWhenever you need to get out of a situation, or if you need any help, do not hesitate to call out to me,â Jungkook said firmly. âRegardless of who is involved. My responsibility is to protect you, first and foremost.â
âOh.â You replied simply, letting the words sink in. Once they did, you went, âOh!â He must be referring to what had happened with Taehyung just now. Blood rushed to your cheek once again, and your head felt overheated. âThâthank you, Jungkook. I will keep that in mind.â Yes, you should have been aware that you could have called on him to get you away from Taehyung. But you didnât. The easy explanation was that you were too overwhelmed to think about doing so, but... would you have wanted to, if youâd remembered that you had a way out? Suddenly the memories of the sensations youâd felt earlier came rushing back to you, and your hand started prickling once more. It was as if Taehyungâs tongue was sliding all over it again, making you shiver. Since when had you become so sensitive?! Unconsciously, you shook it hard, as if by doing so, you could rid of the thoughts now associated with it.
It didnât work, of course. In fact, you couldnât stop thinking about it, all the way to your engagement ball. As expected, that night you were a bundle of nerves. However, the reason behind your anxiousness and worries were completely different that the you before that day of practice would expect. Before what happened with Taehyung at that archery practice, youâd thought that having your engagement announced would make it real. That there would be no turning back. Of course, youâd known for a long time now that there was already no way that your engagement would be cancelled, but no amount of time could prepare you for it. Not completely.
However, now that the night had finally come, the thoughts on your mind were running in a completely different direction. You were going to marry Taehyung, Crown Prince of Delphina. That was a fact that was now official. Yet all you could think about was your turbulent feelings towards your fiancĂ©. From the first time youâd met him, Taehyung had been someone you admired. No, youâd looked up to him even before you were introduced, just based off of the stories youâd heard about him. He was well-known for his leadership, his looks, his charm. It seemed like he was perfect. When youâd met him, youâd discovered that he was nowhere near as unapproachable or as intimidating as youâd expected him to be. Still, he didnât seem to possess any flaws. Anyone should feel fortunate to be betrothed to a man as perfect as Taehyung was. Anyone except you. Rather than a man who was perfect in every way, youâd wanted a man who was perfect for you. And that was Jin. It would be a miserable existence without Jin, but youâd thought you could come to terms with being married to Taehyung someday, somehow, because you were under the impression that your husband-to-be viewed the marriage as one of convenience, like you did. Youâd be trapped with each other, for the sake of your countries.
However, now you could barely look at the man standing right next to you. Once, youâd thought that your hands would be connected on this night, but not your hearts. When had you started noticing that Taehyung wasnât without his faults? That he was capable of falling in love? And that afternoon at archery practice... why werenât you impervious to him? The hand that heâd showered with such surprising affection started to feel hot from the memories of days past. You tried to rationalise the clammy feeling by telling yourself that the two of you had been greeting people for hours, thanking them for their well-wishes while holding hands. If you hadnât been doing that, youâd danced with him, while he still held your hand. You were conflicted between wanting to yank your hand away and asking him to do it again. Why were you feeling like this, when you still couldnât let Jin go? These emotions only fed your self-hatred. You felt like the most selfish, greediest person in the world.
âAre you tired?â Taehyungâs voice cut through the loud, incessant thoughts in your head.
Heâd correctly guessed one of the reasons behind your weary look. It was to be expected; youâd been on your feet for hours, entertaining guests almost non-stop. Anyone would have been exhausted. However, Taehyung had been going through the same motions, so you pushed his concern away. âIâm fine.â You couldnât complain when he had to be at least as tired as you were, if not more.
Unexpectedly, your answer made him turn away from the direction of one of the guests from a neighbouring country, who was walking towards the two of you, to give you his full attention. âYou look a little pale.â His large, calloused hand caressed your cheek, but you didnât flinch. Instead, you stared back up at him, eyes wide with surprise. âYou should rest a little.â
âYes,â you said unthinkingly, lost in his big, kind eyes. A second later, once you realised what youâd agreed to, you asked, âbut what about you?â
âIâll be fine. You donât think Iâm used to handling dignitaries by now?â For the first time that night, he grinned at you. Nothing like those polite smiles heâd been flashing all evening. You couldnât help but think that it was especially for you. âIn fact, why donât you take a breather on the balcony beyond the doors next to the angel sculpture over there? Iâll make sure no one disturbs you.â
You glanced towards the direction he was looking at. It was barely visible from your vantage point, tucked in a corner the guests were sure to miss. Vowing to yourself to only get a brief respite, you agreed to make yourself scarce before the guest could get close enough to engage you in a conversation. âThank you,â you whispered to Taehyung gratefully.
âTake your time,â he reminded you, in his constantly reassuring manner.
It was amazing that Taehyung already knew where to direct you to, considering his short time in the castle, most of which was spent in meeting rooms, joining one council after another. You yourself knew that most people werenât aware of this little hideaway, and half or even a full hour in private was guaranteed, at the very least. Still, you didnât want to leave him to fend for himself for too long. The two of you were the stars of the engagement ball, and your absence would surely be missed. You just needed to catch a breath, anyway.
Or so you thought, until you opened the doors to the balcony.
âJin?â
After blinking your eyes several times, you could verify that it really was Jin standing by the balcony. He was dressed sharply in his uniform, as youâd always seen him nowadays. However, shrouded in the cloak of the night, bathed only in the pale moonlight, he looked like an ethereal being not of this world. For a few moments, you stood there, transfixed in your surprise and awe at the sight of him. Then reality returned to you, and you turned back to look at the door of the balcony that youâd managed to close behind you earlier. Did anyone know that Jin was here? As happy as you were to see him, the last thing you wanted was for him to get into trouble.
âJi Eun told me that no one would disturb us,â Jin provided an explanation to clear your confusion.
âJi Eun?â
He nodded. âShe led me here, so I could see you.â
Did Taehyung put her up to this? The Crown Prince was the one who directed you here, after all. But then Jin extended his hand; a silent invitation for you to join him, and you decided to stop thinking about the events that had led you to Jinâs side and simply enjoy the time you had with him. Who knew if there will be any more opportunities such as this in the future. You hated your weak heart, even as you stepped beside Jin. Time with him was something that you never should wish for, now that you were another manâs fiancĂ©. Taehyung had been magnanimous beyond words in allowing you to meet Jin like this, despite his own feelings for you. Yet here you were, ridiculously elated, wishing that this was a dream that would never end.
Watching Jinâs face in profile, you couldnât help but admire his looks once more. But it wasnât just his handsomeness that had you falling for him over and over again. It was his beautiful, kind heart that always reached towards yours, no matter the distance. The strength that he displayed, regardless of the hardships before him. This was the toughest trial for him yet, and for you as well. Outwardly, he seemed calm and collected, but the pain was clear in his eyes, raw and fresh, like the reality that the two of you could never be together hit just yesterday. You tore your gaze away, towards the direction he was facing, taking in the crescent moon. If you hadnât, you just knew that youâd burst into tears.
âI saw you inside earlier,â Jin broke the silence after a few minutes. âYou look absolutely breathtaking.â
So he saw you. It wasnât surprising, but all you could think about was that he must have seen you next to Taehyung, where youâd been all evening as youâd greeted the guests, both local and foreign. âIâm sorry.â
Jin didnât question your apology. âYou have nothing to be sorry for. Doing your part for the country is something to be proud of. Itâs something that I strive to do myself.â
Trust Jin to spin this around into something noble, while youâd been struggling with your selfish feelings about the whole thing. âI canât stand the thought of hurting you.â
From the edge of your vision, you could see his hand reaching towards you. But before he could make contact, he changed his mind with a grimace, drawing it back towards himself. At that instant, your entire being craved for his touch. You missed him so much. And so you initiated it yourself â pulling at his clothes and crashing yourself against him. His chest was as firm and comforting as ever, and you buried your head in it, taking small comfort in his never-forgotten scent. Somehow you managed not to cry. At first, you could feel him stiffen at the sudden movement, then a pause as he sorted through the thoughts in his head. Then, at long last, as if heâd been defeated by your nearness, he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you with a force that relayed how much he loved you, conveying just how much heâd missed you. You could barely breathe, but you cherished the unspoken feelings of doomed love. Youâd stay like this for eternity if you could so choose.
Jin probably felt the same way, because even as his hold relaxed, he didnât seem inclined on letting you out of his embrace. So the two of you remained like that for a while, letting precious moments pass as you savoured each otherâs presence. Another chance like this might never come again. It shouldnât, now that you were someone elseâs fiancĂ©e. This should be goodbye, but you never wanted it to come. With all your heart, you wished that time would stop right here. Even with Taehyungâs charm and kindness threatening to wear down your defences, when you were with Jin, you were reminded that the Crown Prince couldnât compare to the knight in your heart. You were so immersed in taking in Jinâs warmth, his scent, the way his arms curled around you, that it was a while before you realised that the world was still revolving. Life was still going on around you. And the guests, so close by, were just beyond the door, enjoying your engagement ball. The soft music floating through the door eventually reminded you of reality.
But it didnât mean that you were ready to return to it just yet. Aching to be with him for a little longer, you tightened your own arms just above his waist. Unconsciously, you started moving, leaning slowly towards the right, then the left, prompting Jin to take small steps in this direction then that with you. At first he followed out of pure surprise, but then he stiffened. âWait, uh... I donât know how to dance.â
There was a tinge of pain in his voice. He didnât know because a man of his station didnât need such skills. But it didnât matter to you what Jin couldnât do. He was always dependable where it mattered, and that was all you cared for. âItâs fine. We can just move like this, right?â There was nothing complicated with just swaying to and fro in each otherâs arms in time with the music, dancing round and round a small, invisible circle that was your own, private space. âYou donât have to be perfect. Letâs stay like this. Youâre not a Royal Guard now. Youâre just Jin. And not a princess. Iâm just me. Just for now. Please.â
You lifted your chin up, longing expression beseeching him to grant you this small request. His eyes shimmered under the pale moonlight, but before you could look closer, he crushed you even more tightly than before. âIf I could give you the world, I would,â he whispered words of longing instead of empty promises that he could never keep.
Shaking your head adamantly against his chest, you gently protested. âYouâve already given me the world, Jin. Youâre the world to me.â No reply came. None was needed. You knew that you meant as much to him as he did to you. It was all in the way he squeezed you with love and gratitude. Drops of hot liquid fell on your hair like gentle summer rain, surprising you. âJin?â
You started to look up once more, but Jin moved his arm to press your head against his chest, a desperate plea not to see him at his weakest. âPlease, just... donât look at me right now.â His broken, hoarse imploration tore at your heart. If that was all you could give him, then you would do so readily. âIt may be treason for me to say this, but, no matter who you are with, I will always love you. I could never stop myself from loving you, right from the beginning.â
Burying your head deeper against his sturdy chest, you told him, âI love you, Jin.â It didnât need to be said, but this could be the final time these words would fall from your lips. And all of a sudden, you could no longer keep your own tears at bay. âNo matter who I marry, you will always have my heart.â
___
A/N: Since Iâve started my new job, I will need to move across the country. Due to the time that adjustment and heavy workload will take, I canât guarantee that Chapter 8 will come out by end of next month. But I will still try to bring it to you guys as soon as possible. I hope youâll be kind enough to understand and wait :)
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The Art of Love: Chapter 11
Fandom: She Ra (2018)
Ship: GlimadoraÂ
Summary: Glimmer and Bow have a chat. Glimmerâs secret crush might not being a secret anymore...Â
Warnings (for this chapter): Some mild angst, Mild language (please tell me if anything needs to be added)
Genre: High School AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rivals/Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff
A/N: Just a side note that I consistently headcanon Bow as trans and even though that doesnât play a role in this fic, it is mentioned. As always, thank you for all of your continued support and encouragement!! Love you all đ€âš
Ao3   The Art of Love Masterpost   Fic Masterpost   Fic Request InfoÂ
By the time the day ended, Glimmer was ready to bury herself under five blankets and spend the next four hours watching YouTube. Of course she couldnât do that. Because life just wasnât that easy.
Her feet shuffled in a way that could only be described as noncommittal- weak and only partially agreeing to their actions. Her head felt like it was filled to the brim with cotton, stuffed into a too tight headband that squeezed across her temples and made what was left in her head pound. Saturated; thatâs was she was. Used up like a sponge.
Such things being considered, Glimmer was in a surprisingly good mood. So she couldnât help but smile when she heard feet pound up from behind her and stop suddenly beside her.
âHey, Bow!â
Bow was stopped, bent over with his hands on his knee and gasping for breath. He raised a finger up, âJust... give me a... moment.â
Glimmer giggled, âYou good?â
Bow swung upright, âI canât breathe but Iâm great. How are you? Hopelessly in love?â
âI can not handle your bullshit right now,â Glimmer began walking but couldnât help but smile slightly, âBlocked. Cancelled. Deleted.â
âWhy? Because Iâm right?â Bow had caught up with her again, grinning.
âItâs a crush Bow, nothing more. Itâs definitely not love.â
Bow nodded as they continued walking, âUh-huh. Is that why youâre blushing so hard?â
âIâm blushing because you are bothering me,â Glimmer grumbled out her words, and turned her head to raise an eyebrow at him.Â
Bow raised an eyebrow back, âWanna talk about it?â
Glimmer stopped walking and flopped backwards so she could lean dramatically against the hallâs cinderblock wall. She let her head roll backwards and stared up at the ceiling. The hall had cleared out, the distant sound of dance practice echoing between her and Bow. She still held a smile but it was quickly growing stale. It wasnât that she was sad, or that she didnât enjoy Bowâs company; there was just a lot to consider in that question.
Did she want to talk about it? Well, yes. There was so much she had to say and so much she wanted Bow to at least give his opinion or, at best, offer advice. But of all the things she wanted to say, there was so much she was scared to admit to. She doubted she would even mange to get half of it out. She would choke up and her words would lie, caught and festering somewhere in her throat. And there all those emotions would stay, blocked between her heart and her mouth. They would simmer there for a drawn out second before they boiled over and streamed down her cheeks. Bow would put his hands on her shoulders ask her what was wrong in his too-soft-for-his-own-good voice and Glimmer wouldnât be able to tell him because the words burned as they bubbled and corroded her vocal chords.
But the feelings, they were hard to explain. She squinted up at the fluorescent panels which only marginally improved the lighting but greatly added to the prison-like atmosphere. The flickering bulbs were a thousand miles away as she tried to wrap her mind around the images flickering behind her eyes. Adoraâs smile. The way her eyes shone when she sang. How her voice could wrap around Glimmerâs brain and find all the ways to make her glitch. How her body fit perfectly against Glimmerâs. The raw intensity with which Adora felt emotions and how she let them wash over whoever was nearby.
Bowâs feet made a scuffing sound as he shifted somewhat awkwardly across from Glimmer. The movement brought her back to the present and and made her wonder how long he had been standing there.
âIâm going to take that to mean that, yes, you do have something to say?â He prompted.
Glimmer let her head swing forward and blew a sigh through her nose.
Itâs like molten gold filling my chest. And itâs bright and itâs burning and god yes it hurts but itâs beautiful too. Itâs smooth and it runs down my throat, stealing my voice. It coats my eyes and tints the world around me but thatâs ok because it turns everything beautiful. And at the same time, itâs far too much and it scares me and it hurts because all that shining gold is more than I could ever deserve or ever handle.
She couldnât explain that. She would sound crazy. Bow probably wouldnât see it as crazy, but he would take it too far. Glimmer was already freaking out about it, she couldnât stand Bow freaking out on top of that.
âGlimmer?â Bow reached out, placing the expected gentle hand on her shoulder, âIs everything ok? Are you ok?â
Glimmer gave a breathy laugh. She hadnât even realized how blurry her eyes had become, âYeah. Sorry.â
His eyebrows were wrinkled in concern and Glimmer could tell he was worried that he had somehow caused her distress, âYou donât have to tell me if you donât want to.â
She took a deep breath and made up her mind, âI have a lot to tell you actually. So letâs go to some place more comfortable than the middle of the hallway.â
Bow smiled, âLibrary?â
âLibrary.â
Bow and Glimmer had a well-established tradition of spending the time after school together, sharing stories and ranting about life in the library under the pretense that they were study partners. Everyone knew they werenât actually doing work but left them alone because they stayed to their back-corner sofa and only rarely did the conversations dissolve into yelling.
They walked comfortably next to each other, unbothered when their shoulders bumped and chatting about the ridiculous amount of homework they would undoubtedly procrastinate doing that night.
People often mistook them as a couple; something which both Bow and Glimmer would laugh at. They had the running joke that if neither of them had found someone by the time they were 35, they would just marry each other. They were close as friends could be. He was the first one she had come out as bi to and she has the first he had come as trans to. Glimmer generally didnât mind people thinking she was dating Bow, but sometimes she worried it would discourage other people from having interest in her. Then she would brush it off as ridiculous because she was pretty sure there was plenty of other things to discourage them.
They reached the library within a few minutes, both flopping dramatically onto their usual couch. They were in an emptier section of the library, most people at tables or occupied in the computer lab.
Glimmer swung her legs over the arm of the couch and leaned into Bowâs side. She let a defeated puff stream out of her mouth, once again unsure of what she could possible say.
Bow let them sit in silence for a few moments before prompting her again, âSo... what was it that you wanted to tell me?â
She groaned, âAdora. Pretty. Girls. Yes. Crush.â
Bow laughed and patted her shoulder, âThat all?â
Glimmer brought her hands up to hide her face in and shook her head, âBow, I donât even know where to start.â
She could feel him shrug against the weight of her body, âHow about you just start from last night. Iâm pretty sure you liked her before, if Iâm being perfectly honest, but it sounds like it only got serious last night?â
The last sentence was stated as a question instead of a statement and Glimmer knew Bow was trying to bait her into giving more information. She gave in, returning the shrug, âYeah I guess. I have no idea how long Iâve liked her but I think itâs been almost the whole year.â
âWhy do you think it took you so long to realize?â
Glimmer had to take a deep breath for that one, âBecause I hated her. Because I was jealous of her. And because I was scared of liking her.â
âOk,â Glimmer could hear the hesitation in his voice, âAnd why was that?â
âI just- you know how- I couldnât,â she paused before trying again, âThere were- are- a lot of reasons. I just feel like I shouldnât. I still think liking girls is something bad or at least dangerous.â
Bow started to say something but Glimmer continued before he could get a word in, âSo there was that guilt and I guess disgust. Itâs that internalized homophobia bullshit. I think thatâs what they call it? Anyways, I know Adora wonât go for me and Iâll just get hurt and I know Iâm stupid for getting so infatuated.â
This time Bow was able to interrupt, âI wouldnât be so sure of that if I were you.â
Glimmer snorted, âOh, and why is that? Has she privately confessed her love for me to you?â
âWell no-â
âLook, Bow, sheâs popular and sheâs beautiful and she could probably get any girl she wanted. Sheâs definitely not going to settle for me.â
âHey hey first of all,â he elbowed her in the back, ânobody has to âsettleâ for you. Weâve talked about this. What have I told you?â
Glimmer rolled her eyes, âIâm not going to say it.â
He elbowed her again, âSay it, coward.â
She blew a raspberry before droning out the ridiculous mantra Bow had told her in a monotone voice, âI am gorgeous and perfect in every way. I am a queen; yâall are peasants and do not deserve to witness my glory.â
Bow nodded, âYou may continue.â
âYouâre so stupid. Anyways, with your permission to continue, even if Adora does have the slightest interest in me- which she doesnât and will continue not to- Cat would get jealous. Iâm pretty sure she already is with this stupid project. She wonât let Adora anywhere near me as soon as the project finishes.â
âHow do you know that? Adoraâs her own person. She can hang out with you if she wants to- no matter what Cat thinks. And by the way, I think she will want to hang out with you.â
Glimmer felt her throat going tight, âShe told me she wanted to be friends but I donât think she meant it.â
âGlimmer, thatâs great!! What makes you think she wouldnât mean it?â
âI donât know,â Glimmer hesitated once more, âShe was acting really weird last night.â
Bow rolled his hand in a Go on motion.
Glimmerâs stomach clenched as her mind flashed back to the night before. She sat up, hunching over her knees as she were worried the sensation would show through. It all seemed very far away, surely longer than the 24 hours reality told her it was. It all seemed very fake. Adora couldnât possibly have looked at her with that much affection in her eyes. She couldnât have asked her to dance and laughed so loud Glimmer was sure someone would hear. She certainly didnât stand a breath away from Glimmer and give her a smirk that made her insides freeze. It was simply impossible.
âGlimmer?â Bow leaned sideways to bump his shoulder into hers, âWhat do you mean weird?â
âJust very affectionate I guess,â She looked up at Bow, knowing what was coming and not sure if she would be able to answer.
âHow is that a bad thing?â There it was.
âBecause,â Glimmer seemed to choke for a moment and she could swear it was because her heart was in her throat, âI know that it probably wasnât real; it was probably just Adora being tired and getting clingy or something. And because I know it wonât ever happen again. And knowing that hurts.â
Bow reached and took one of her hands in his. They were warmer and sturdier than hers- small and trembling. It was such a normal, familiar action but all she could think about was Adoraâs hands in hersâ as they sat side by side and she attempted to teach her how to use chopsticks. It had to be some surreal dream. That would be easier. That would make sense. She felt vulnerable and exposed. No doubt the entire library was acting as witness to her breakdown. She hunkered into herself further, almost entirely folded in half now. She just wanted it all to pause. Things would be so much easier if they marched in one at a time. Instead life liked to throw a thousand problems at her at once. And sometimes those problems looked like soccer players who smiled a little too brightly because they were trying to hide just how much more like the ocean they were than the sun. Adora wasnât stupid; she was deep and dark and sometimes the shades twisted from blues to jagged purples which undoubtably scraped against her sides. Glimmer wanted to learn every shade of that girl- yes the happy yellows but also the stormy grays. She wanted to dull the shards that hurt Adora and do her best heal the wounds she couldnât prevent. But she would never get the chance. It was all fantasy. The melancholy was corrosive.
Bow squeezed her hand in his grip, cueing her to look up. When he spoke it was with a slow, steady voice. Glimmer knew that voice; that was the voice he used when Glimmer was about to shatter into a million pieces.
She breathed in deeply through her nose and tried to concentrate on his words, âI know this may seem very unrealistic to you but I really donât think Adoraâs affection was fake or just some side effect. I donât think you just give up on it happening again.â
Glimmerâs face collapsed into a combination of disdain, incredulity, and despair, âIf I keep holding onto hope, Iâm going to keep getting hurt every time Iâm inevitably disappointed.â
âHow do you know youâre going to get disappointed though?!â Bow waved his arms out in a way that would have been comical if Glimmer wasnât on the verge of tears. He was starting to get exasperated, his voice rising dangerously shrill and loud.
Glimmer hissed out a shush and clapped his arms back down to his body.
She rolled her eyes, âLook, Iâll live in your make-believe world for a second, ok? Letâs say that Adora does like me- platonically, romantically, whatever it doesnât matter. Even if she does, Cat is not going to stand being around me. She hates me. So Adora will have to choose between me and Cat. That will have two possible results: Most likely, she will choose her best friend and leave me behind. That result can be summed up as: Ouch. Either that or sheâll choose me. From then on, Cat will hate me more than she already does- and I do not want to find out what that would mean- and Adora will always resent me because Iâm the reason she and her best friend fell apart.â
Bow nodded sagely for a moment, âYouâve really thought this through.â
She could tell he wasnât as concerned with her hypothetical situations as she was. This time it was her voice that reached a dangerously high volume, âYes of course Iâve thought this through! Have you met me?! I think everything through!â
âOk true, but I still donât think-â
âActually Iâm not finished yet! Because even if by some miracle, Cat and I are able to âcoexist,â then Iâm always going to be an accessory to Cat and Adoraâs relationship. I will always be an add-on; something that is merely tolerated. And I will not be able to stand that. I would rather never talk to Adora again than have to deal with that.â
âGlimmer I get it and youâre making some good points, itâs just,â he paused, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, piecing together his words, âof all those situations youâve thought up, youâve never once considered the possibility that things will turn out ok.â Â
Glimmer leaned sideways into Bow, just trying to affirm that she had heard him. She hated making Bow this exasperated. She knew he was just trying to help her. Hell, maybe he was even right. Still, Glimmer was thinking realistically. She was thinking cautiously. She was... she has no idea what she was doing.
âYou know, Glimmer,â Bow returned the lean in her direction, âsometimes the world doesnât suck.â
She rolled her eyes, âMm, really? And youâd be what? An expert of the worldâs constant condition?â
Bow sat up straight and puffed out his chest, âYes in fact.â
âYouâre ridiculous,â Glimmerâs voice still wavered as she spoke, but she could feel a grin start to grow across her lips.
âAnd you know what? I might be ridiculous, but I like to think that Iâll be right one of these times.â
Glimmer loved Bowâs optimism but it often came across to her as purely naive. She wished he could be right about this, if only to give him the satisfaction. But it was unrealistic and the sooner she accepted that fact, the easier it would be to take realityâs crushing blow. And the sooner Bow stopped encouraging her wishful thinking, the easier it would be to accept.
But he was giving her a grin that held nothing but purity and confidence, and she couldnât break that. She tried to return the smile, âSure. Weâll see.â
His smile grew until he was beaming, âYep! We will!â
Satisfied that he had beaten Glimmer into optimistic submission, Bow slapped the sofa seat next to him, âCome on, I gotta go.â Â
They moved towards the exit together, chatting casually as they weaved through tables of clustered students. The library was filled with the quiet bubbling of 50 voices, each trying not to make noise but none the less adding to the atmosphere of sound. It was relaxing to some extent and apparently Bow found it safe enough to continue their conversation.
âSo... what would you do if Adora liked you back? I mean, like, would you go on dates or-â
Glimmer nearly tackled him to the ground but instead froze, hissing, âShut up! Elizabeth is right there! She hangs out with Adora sometimes! What if she heard you yelling?!â
Bowâs eyes lit up at the mention of Elizabeth, âReally? Where is she?â
âDonât look so happy about it; she right at the table behind you!â
Bow spun around and waved, âHey Elizabeth!â
The girl jolted up from where she had been hunched over the table, âOh, hey Bow!â
Teachers often got Glimmer and Elizabeth mixed up; Glimmer never understood why. She wore huge, round glasses and had a fascination with math that Glimmer could never possibly possess. It was true that they both had dyed hair, but herâs was far darker and nearly hit the floor. (How Elizabeth didnât trip over it every time she stood up was a mystery Glimmer would never solve).
It wasnât that Glimmer minded Elizabeth but-
âThis is not the time!â Glimmer grabbed Bowâs hand and began dragging him towards the doors.
Before they could actually get out outside, Elizabeth popped up in front of them, grinning broadly and practically shouting when she spoke, âWhat were you saying about Adora?â
Elizabeth had a habit of appearing randomly in your face, without any warning and giving Glimmer a heart attack every time. That being said, Glimmer was having a heart attack. Even if Elizabeth hadnât startled her by materializing out of the blue and effectively blocking her escape route, yelling about Adora in the middle of the library definitely wouldâve been enough to push Glimmer off the edge.
Glimmerâs eyes widened and it felt like the wind had been punched out of her- Â a solid blow straight to core. She struggled to find anything to say, simply trying to remember how to breathe. Finally she shook her head and grabbed Bow and Elizabethâs hand, âOut. Both of you.â
âOh, wait- wow. Your hands are really strong.â
Glimmer ignored Elizabethâs chatter as she barreled outside. When they turned the corner Glimmer let go of their hands and turned so she could glare at both of them. They stood with their backs to the building wall, shoulder to shoulder like a police line up.
The campus continued to move around them as they stood in awkward silence. Glimmer paced back and forth, wringing her hands. She had made an impulsive decision when she grabbed Elizabeth and now she had to deal with the consequences. Bow stood with his arms crossed, staring at random things and avoiding where Glimmer was treading miles through the sidewalk. Elizabeth on the other hand seemed to be entirely unbothered, humming to herself and fidgeting with something she had pulled out of her pocket.
Glimmer shook her head; she was being stupid, âLook, Elizabeth, Iâm sorry I dragged you out here. I was really overreacting and Iâm sorry you had to be a part of that. Just please donât mention anything about Adora to anyone.â
âHmm what?â Elizabeth jerked her head up, âOh! Adora. Yeah, her, I think sheâs cool. I think we might be friends. Not sure. That would be nice though.â
Elizabeth spoke in short, choppy sentences that bounced from one topic to another and made Glimmerâs head hurt. She pinched the bridge of her nose, âYes, weâre talking about Adora. Just please forget I said anything about her.â
âSo let me get this straight. Youâre talking about Adora, you told me you were talking about Adora,â Elizabeth was moving her hands in front of her face like she was playing an invisible game of connect the dots, âBut you donât want me to know you were talking about Adora?â
Bow squinted, âYeah that sounds about right.â
âJust, whatever you heard, donât tell anyone any of it. Please?â
Elizabeth darted forward towards Glimmer, staring hard into her face. She continued to scrutinize Glimmer as she began to speak, âYou have a crush in her donât you?â
Glimmerâs hand itched to clamp itself over Elizabethâs mouth. She let her own lips fall open, once again struggling desperately to find words to fill the space with. She attempted to regain some veneer of composure, standing up straighter and turning her chin slightly in the air, âI will neither confirm or deny anything concerning that matter.â
âSo... is that a yes?â
âNo! Its nothing!â Glimmer growled.
âYouâre not acting like itâs nothing,â Bow spoke with a smug grin and subtly raised eyebrows.
Glimmer glared at Bow for a second before breaking off the staring contest by rubbing the palms of her hands upwards across her face and settling across her eyes. This situation had been out of her control since Weaver had assigned her to be partners with Adora. Maybe it had been out of her hands since Adora scampered into her seat in the first day of school, laughing loudly at something Cat had said. Now nothing was in her hands except her own tired fears.
âHey,â Elizabethâs voice broke through the darkness Glimmer was hiding behind, âIâve gotta go so Iâm just gonna... um, yeah, bye!â
Glimmer looked up to see Elizabeth jogging back to the library. The girl paused for a moment to wave before disappearing inside. Glimmer sighed and collapsed into a lump on the concrete. She looked up at Bow, âSheâs going to say something isnât she?â
Bow scratched the back of his head. It was possible he was trying to think, but it was more likely he was just buying time; Glimmer knew he didnât want to say exactly what she knew he was going to say. He deflated and sat down next to Glimmer, âI donât think sheâd do it on purpose. She might just... forget not to.â
Glimmer flopped backwards. The clouds were drifting across the sky slowly; beautiful, serine motions that ran in paradox to her racing mind; so many thoughts and they all blurred together into one word. Shit.
#glimadora#glimmadora#she ra glimadora#she ra#spop#spop fanfic#she ra fanfic#spop glimadora#glimadora fanfic#glimadora fic#glimadora fanfiction#adora x glimmer#glimmer x adora#trans!bow#she ra adora#she ra glimmer#spop high school au#high school au#she ra high school au#The Art of Love#starlight writes
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Opposites Attract [11]
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Pairing : Park Jimin / [Fem] Reader
Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Enemies to Lovers! AU, Fantasy! AU
Words : 4k
Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11. Pt 12. Pt 13. Pt 14. Pt 15.
â ââââ â â
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â ââââ â
-Y/Nâs P.O.V-
I sighed out softly, staring up at the ceiling. I could hear Yoongi and Hoseok talking softly amongst themselves from across the room. I had been awake for a few hours now but they hadnât taken noticed. I looked as good as new on the outside but something felt off about my powers, they felt like they werenât entirely mine. It--It felt like the strength of the power I had in me had doubled, no it tripled in strength. I...I was afraid of it now. This could mean that the power I held was limitless, I felt that if I built it up I could become unstoppable...and that scares me more than anything.Â
Without thinking I brought a hand out, wanting to test something. I stared at my palm, watching as the stem of a rose began to form, the ice crystalizing right before my eyes. The stem was half formed when little tiny streams of water began to sprout from my palm. The water moved like a snake, each individual stream moving like it had a mind of its own. Just as the rose was completely formed the water swarmed around it, engulfing it completely, rising from my palm. When it was inches above my face I closed my palm. The water slicing into the ice so fast I could barely even see it, the rose made of ice and the water that surrounded it turned into a fine mist. So the feeling I had was right, I was now able to use both sides of my power at the same time. Before it was one or the other, the thought of using them both was just that, a thought, the idea was impossible. So I guess this means that whole talk about being chosen by Poseidon is true, huh?
âDid--Did you just use...b-bothâŠâ Hoseok began but trailed off not being able to finish.
I said nothing as I sat up, staring down at my closed fist for a moment.
âY/N are feeling better now?â Yoongi asked, ignoring what just happened.
âNo. I mean physically yes, but emotionally...no, Iâm far from being okay.â I said, looking up at him.
He frowned, opening his mouth to ask why when I beat him to it, telling him exactly why.
âThat day...out on that field 8 years ago...why--why did neither of you tell me that day was the day my father became a murderer?â
As soon as I finished speaking I saw the color had drained from both their faces. Yoongi opened his mouth to speak but closed it several times, the words not coming out. Hoseok took a single step towards me but made no move to get closer.
âY-Y/N you--you gotta understand we...we had no choice, your parents had no other choice.âÂ
I closed my eyes at his words, the tears that I had shed earlier making a reappearance as I inhaled sharply, âSo itâs true? I was hoping, praying to a god I donât believe in that he was lying, praying that my parents werenât like that, that my father--that he wasnât a killer. But itâs true.â
âY/N your father was a good man.â Yoongi finally said, his words broken, âHe was a good man. Everything he did was to protect everyone.â
âBy killing an innocent woman? Jimin and his brother were left without a mother!â I yelled through my tears, standing up from the bed,
 âWhy?! Tell me why he did it!â
âY/N...we--we canât. It was the last promise we made himâŠâ
âTell me!â I shouted, louder than before, not knowing that my eyes had changed in that moment.
I watched them both swallow harshly, Yoongi stepping forward, âNo.â
I closed my eyes tightly at hearing his answer, clenching my hands into fists at my sides, âGet out.â
âY/N please.â
âI said get out!â I yelled, my voice breaking.
They stayed where they were for a moment before reluctantly moving their feet. As soon as I heard the door close I stumble back until my back met the wall behind me. I slid down the wall, burying my face into my knees.
-Jiminâs P.O.V-
âYou sure you donât need any guards with you?â Gai asked as we reached the front door.
âIâll be fine. Just make sure to get Namjoon here. Iâm sure if you just mention Y/Nâs name heâll come running.â I said, a hint of distaste in my voice.
Gai stopped walking at my words, a smirk playing at his lips, âOh ho, what's this? Are you jealous right now? Of Kim Namjoon? Wow, I must be dreaming.â
âStop talking nonsense and just go do as youâre told.â I said, avoiding his eyes, slipping on my jacket.
âYou are arenât you? I thought I was imagining that look in your eyes earlier when you were staring down Min Yoongi but Iâm right. Youâre jealous, of every man thatâs around her no less.â He said with a chuckle.
âShut up.â I grumbled out, leaving him behind.
âYo Park Jimin!â
I stopped at hearing him call out my name, turning around to face him, âIâm glad youâve finally put everything behind you and decided to start over with her. Sheâs perfect for you. I hope you two live happily like you deserve, once this is all over that is.â
I looked at him with wide eyes, surprised at his words. After a moment of just standing there I let out a scoff before turning my back on him. As I walked away from him I couldnât hide the smile that played at my lips.
-
âIâm here to see Taehyung, tell him Park Jimin is here.â I said to the guards at the border.
They shared a look, hesitating, âSir, we canât. Weâre on strict orders not to let anyone in, Iâm sorry.â
I smirked, taking a step closer to them, âDidnât you hear me? I donât care what orders youâre under, go get Kim Taehyung.â
The man swallowed harshly, opening his mouth but closed it again, not finding the words. When he looked like he was about to speak the voice I heard wasnât his.
âIt looks like itâs you that can't hear properly. Weâre not letting anyone in Jimin, that includes you.â
I set my jaw at the sound of his voice, glaring at him as he sauntered over, âJeon Jungkook. I need to speak with Taehyung, you either let me in while Iâm asking nicely or Iâll force my way in, itâs your choice.â
Jungkook smirked, shoving his hands in his coat pocket, âIâd like to see you try. You know we never got to finish that fight, what do you say, letâs finish it right now.â
âIâm not here to fight, Iâm here to talk to Taehyung and Iâm not leaving until I do.â I said through clenched teeth.
He took slow steps towards me, a cocky look in his eye, âWell it looks like youâll be here awhile. While you wait why donât we have a little fun, huh? Iâve always wanted to wipe that smug look off your face, why not give me the pleasure of doing just that right now?âÂ
He pushed at my shoulders but I didnât budge, âCome on, show me those flames of yours. Those same ones you used to attack not only my master with but Y/N as well. Bring them out, come on Iâm waiting. What are you scared now? Afraid that I might extinguish that fire of yours for good?â
I clenched my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms as I bit my tongue. He continued to provoke me but I kept silent. This is for Y/N, once weâve dealt with Seokjin I can come back and teach this brat a lesson, stay calm, repeated to myself over and over again like a mantra, that is until he said something I couldnât ignore.
âCome on at least put up a fight, that way I can take your body back to Y/N, show her how I got rid of the pest that endangered her life. Who knows she might even reward me for it, and Iâve got just the thing in mind to ask for.â He said with a smirk, his eyes shining mischievously.
At his words my fire spread up my arm, but before I even got to do anything a voice stopped me.
âJeon Jungkook!âÂ
Jungkook froze at the anger behind his voice, turning on his heel and bowed his head to the man marching over to us.
âWhat the hell do you think youâre doing?â Taehyung all but growled out, coming to stand before Jungkook.
âI was just-â
âDo you even understand the situation weâre all in at the moment? This is no time for you to be picking fights with others!â He shouted, pointing a finger harshly in to his chest.
âBut Taehyung he--he wouldnât take no for an answer. We told him we couldnât let him in so he threatened to force his way in. I couldnât just-â
âFrom what I just heard it sounded like you were the one that was provoking him,â Taehyung cut him off, the anger clear in his voice.
Iâve known Taehyung for five years now and I have never seen him so angry before. Truth be told he even scared me a little with the look his was giving Jungkook. Jungkook hung his head like a puppy that just got scolded for peeing on the floor. I frowned, feeling a bit bad for him, knowing he wasnât entirely at fault.
âTaehyung I-â
âAnd you, who the hell do you think you are demanding to be let in? Do you even know whatâs going on? The Zeus faction has taken over, Poseidon is no longer in power.â Taehyun spat out.
I felt my face pale at his words, âW-What? They--They canât do that.â
âThey can do whatever the hell they want, itâs the Zeus faction weâre talking about.â
I stumbled back at his words. Seokjin must be serious about this if he took over, kicking Poseidon off the throne when it was their turn to rule. But Yoongi and Hoseok havenât mentioned anything about it, Iâm sure they wouldâve said something about it if they knew. I mean this is big, itâs fucking huge. Every single one of us knew Zeus was the strongest and it was only a matter a time when they would remind us, but I never expected it to actually happen.
âSo what now?â
âTheyâre calling everyone to arms, saying the Hephaestus faction is starting a revolution and we need to stop them as soon as possible.âÂ
âThatâs crazy!â I shouted, taking a step forward, ready to defend my people but Taehyung beat me to it.
âIt wouldnât be the first time your people try and start a war, Jimin. Everyone is on Zeus' side, ready to fight the rebels.â
âTae, weâre being targeted for the third time in less than a century. Do you really believe that weâd risk our own people for a war we know we wonât win? Taehyung something bigger is going on here and you know it.âÂ
Taehyung lowered his gaze, staring down at the ground beneath his feet for a moment before a heavy sigh left his lips, âOkay fine, letâs say I believe you. Tell me whatâs really going on then.â
âSeokjin is trying to kill Y/N.â
âWhat?!â Both Jungkook and Taehyung exclaimed, the two looking at me with wide eyes.
âAt first it all started with him trying to get rid of me because of a vision he had but itâs turned into something so much bigger than that. I came here to ask you to help me...I-I canât protect her on my own, not against someone like Seokjin.â
They both wore frowns on their faces, still shocked to be hearing this news. I shouldâve known Seokjin would lie to everyone, itâs what they did to my grandfather no doubt. History is repeating itself and Iâm hellbent on stopping it, knowing Y/Nâs life is on the line. Taehyung sighed heavily, sharing a look with Jungkook before turning to me.
âLook, I canât promise you my people, I donât have that kind of power. But...Jungkook and I are willing to help.â
I let out a breath of relief, a small smile playing at my lips. So this is what itâs like to have loyal friends, huh? Iâm glad she spent her time making friends with the people around her instead of enemies like I did. Seeing how ready they were to help out I couldnât help but feel bad for the way Iâve treated them, especially that last day we saw each other.
âBefore--Before anything I just...want to apologize for the way I acted. I now realize what an idiot Iâve been...Iâm sorry.â I apologized, bowing to the two to show my sincerity.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, making me stand upright, âI get you were angry Jimin, I would be too if I lost my mother the way you did. Iâm just glad you finally realize your mistakes, not only with us but with Y/N as well. Iâm sure youâre going out of your way because youâve finally figured out how much you love her.â
I stared at Taehyung in shock, âHow did you-â
âOh come on, it was written all over your face every time you saw her,â Jungkook scoffed out, crossing his arms over his chest, âNow letâs go before I try and change Taehyungâs mind.â
He pushed passed me, walking away from Taehyung and I. I shared a look of gratitude with him, seeing a grin spread across his face. The two of us began to walk back to my home but were stopped after taking a few steps.
âUh...sir?âÂ
We stopped at the sound of the guardâs voice, Taehyung turning around to face her.
âCan--Can we go as well?â
I was surprised at her words, looking to her partner to see that he had the same determined look in his eyes.
âI donât think thatâs such a good idea...I donât want either of you to get punished by my fatherâŠâ Taehyung said with a frown.
âBut sir, Iâm sorry but you know our loyalty stands with you.â The male guard said.
Taehyung went to shoot them down again but I stopped him, âTae...this can help us. You have people that are loyal to you, not your father, this might give us a fighting chance. You can tell them to be ready for your signal the day of the battle, we can win this.â
Taehyung looked torn on what to do. I could tell he felt uneasy about going behind his fatherâs back to do something like this. With a sigh he rubbed his hands over his face.
âFine. Tell everyone thatâs ever been under my charge to wait for my bird, Iâll let it fly when I need you.âÂ
âWhat the hell are you guys doing? Hurry the hell up!â Jungkook yelled out to us.
I pulled on Taehyungâs arm but he fought against me, âIf you find yourselves in a bind forget about helping me. And if you get caught you tell my father I was the one that forced you into it you understand?â
âYes sir.â They both said in unison, standing at attention with their heads bowed, left arm behind their back while they placed their right fist over their hearts.
-
I stood outside my home speechless, my jaw hanging open. There...were so many soldiers from Gaia...I couldnât even count them if I tried.
âG-Gai?âÂ
Gai walked over to me with caution, âYeah?â
âWhat is all this?â I asked, dazed as I looked over each and every one of them.
âW-Well when I reached the Gaia faction Namjoon was on his way out. It looks like he was going to march over here with his army before we even got the chance to ask him for help.â
I kept my gaze forward, reaching over to place a hand on Gaiâs shoulder, squeezing tightly as I spoke through clenched teeth, âWhere the hell do you think Iâm gonna hide all these people? When my father finds out about all this heâll have my head. We were supposed to do this discreetly, tell me what the fuck is discreet about hundreds of Gaia soldiers?â
âJ-Jimin I had no choice but to bring them here.â
âI asked him to bring me here Jimin. I heard everything from Levi, he asked for my help long before you sent Gai over to me.â Namjoon spoke up, stepping out from behind his soldiers.
I looked at him in shock? Levi did? So does this mean heâs going against Zeus? But on the way over here Taehyung had told me the Poseidon faction had been on lock down since this morning...did Levi contact Namjoon before then. Gai had gone for Yoongi and Hoseok yesterday afternoon so that means between then and this morning Seokjin closed in the people of Poseidon. I wonder if Y/N knows about this. I shook my head, looking over to Namjoon and giving him a grateful nod. He gave me a dimpled smile in return, turning to his army.
âAlright, make yourselves scarce. Find a few inns to stay in, Iâll let you know when I need you.âÂ
A loud thunderous chorus of âyes sirâs were heard, surprising myself and those around me. I leaned closer to Gai, whispering, âDo we even have enough inns for all of them?â
âN-No. Iâll, uh, Iâll go talk to the principal of the high school and ask her to let them stay there. We wonât be able to hold any classes for the students anyway so itâll be empty.â He said, calling out for them to follow him instead.
I watched them all leave, a heavy sigh falling from my lips. I ran my fingers through my hair, thinking about how I was going to explain all this to my father. I knew once he saw Y/N heâd throw a fit. Iâm actually surprised he hasnât noticed yet but thatâs not surprising in the least. He had been withdrawn ever since my mother died, the only thing he did was get angry. And I fed off that anger, justifying my actions because of it. I rubbed my hands over my face, turning to Namjoon but before I could get a word out someone yelled out my name.
âYou have a lot of fucking nerve, Jimin.â Yoongi spat out from the door, making his way to me but Hoseok stopped him, holding him back, âWhat gives you the right to fucking tell her about that day? It took us years for her to forget it but you brought it back up w-â
âShe had every right to know who her father really was. He was a murderer.â
âThatâs exactly why we never fucking told her! Do you have any idea how much she loved her father? We didnât want to ruin that for her!â Yoongi yelled out, fighting against Hoseokâs hold but Hoseok just held on tighter, âNow sheâs broken because the man she thought so highly of and loved with all her might was nothing but a murderer.â
I frowned at his words, getting angry myself, âHe killed my mother he-â
âHe was under orders!â Yoongi shouted, cutting me off, âHe--he was under orders, he had no choice but to do what he did, we had no choice.â
My jaw went slack at his words, âW-What?â
I could see the unshed tears in Yoongiâs eyes. This must have been haunting him since the day it happened. Without saying another word he shoved Hoseok off of him, storming off. Hoseok just stared after him, sadness in his eyes before turning to face me.
âZeus has been running things from the very beginning. You canât honestly tell me you believe those stronger than everyone else would simply relinquish their power to us weaker ones so easily. Theyâre the ones behind your motherâs death, even your grandfatherâs. Theyâve killed those that they thought had a chance of beating them, and now their target is Y/N,â Hoseok said, his voice low, âI hope you have one hell of a plan up your sleeve because with how things are right now...we donât stand much of a chance. Our numbers do nothing against their strength.â
My shoulders slumped at his words, maybe I was in way over my head. I had the drive and determination but thatâs not enough...I donât think I have the strength to go up against someone like Seokjin, to protect Y/N. I know Iâm strong...but not that strong.
âHey...Jimin...I know this might not be good timing but Iâve gotta tell you, Iâve been skeptical about things the whole way here. I just canât wrap my head around Y/N not only being stronger than Seokjin but being chosen by Poseidon. You know I never really believed in the gods anyway soâŠâ Taehyung trailed off in a timid voice.
âWe want to make sure weâve made the right choice and weâre not just fighting a losing battle here.â Jungkook added, stepping forward.
I opened my mouth to answer but was cut off by the sound of Y/Nâs voice. I turned to look in the direction it was coming from, the color leaving my face at the sight. My father was dragging her over to the front door, his hand gripping onto her hair tightly. She kicked and screamed for him to let her go and he did, he threw her down the steps that lead to the front door. I ran to help her as she came to a stop a few feet away from me. I could see Hoseok fighting against Namjoon and Gaiâs hold, Yoongi somehow showing back up in that moment, Jungkook and Taehyung having to hold him back. I could practically feel the anger radiating off of their bodies but that anger was nothing compared to the one I felt. The moment I saw him dragging her like a rag doll my blood had begun to boil, the rage within me was uncontrollable when I saw the blood flowing from the side of her head, dripping down to her shoulder. I kept my eyes on her face, relieved to see that she was still conscious but the way she let out a groan let me know she was in pain. I clenched my hands into fists, my whole body burning with a fire that demanded to be let out but before that--I scooped her up, moving her aside. I placed her by the others, letting her lean back against a pillar. As soon as I set her down all the guys surrounded her, the only one that didnât was Gai. He grabbed onto my arm, warning me with his eyes but I ignored him, yanking my arm out of his grip.Â
I turned to face my father, letting my fire crawl up my arms, the flames licking at my neck, âIs Jisoo home?â
âN-No...Jimin-â
I didnât stay to hear anything he had to say, slowing walking to my father. With every step I took my fire grew, my fatherâs expression remained unchanged.
âWhy the fuck was that Poseidon bitch in my home?! Youâre lucky I didnât-â
I didnât give him a chance to finish, extending an arm in his direction, my fire shooting off like a missile, hitting itâs mark. Everything within reach burst into flames, the fire began to spread quickly but I didnât care. I walked through the burning doorway, a dangerous glint in my eyes as I glared over at my father who had been thrown back into a pillar that stood in the middle of our home. I closed my eyes briefly, cracking my neck before looking at him with hate filled eyes, Iâve had enough.
âHow dare y-â
âHow dare you put your fucking hands on her? Iâve put up with your bullshit for the past 23 fucking years of my life and Iâve had it. Iâm fucking done you hear me, done.â
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.
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Tags : @rjsmochii
#bts fluff#bts ff#bts fanfic#bts fic#bts#bts series#bts scenarios#bts smut#bts angst#bts park jimin#park jimin fanfic#park jimin scenarios#park jimin#park jimin fanfiction#park jimin ff#jimin fic#jimin ff#jimin fluff#jimin fanfic#jimin fanfiction#jimin au#jimin angst#park jimin series#jimin series#jimin smut#jimin scenario#alternate universe#fantasy au
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Antonio and Pablo Agama headcanons
Leoncio Renato Braganza-Olmos was a dashing cavalry officer, just recently promoted when he met Altagracia Luna Quelempan-Agama,a healer working in the army camp. It was during an army dance, this being the years before Shuriki, and the camp was celebrating its recent victory. Like a classic fairytale, their eyes met across the room. He introduced himself and bowed, they danced, and fell head over heels for each other. Their backgrounds were quite different with Leoncio coming from a long line of esteemed army men much like the Villalobos of Avalor City. In fact, the Villalobos family was one of their greatest rivals for the Olmos family wanted to move out of serving the borders of far away villages and achieve glory in war on foreign land or against dangerous malvagos that seemed to attack the city.
Altagracia was a mestiza, a mixed race girl of indeginous tribes that prided themselves from descending from the great Maruvians and of the more pure blood Spanish descent. Altargracia was very much inspired by her indigenous side, working hard with others to keep their culture and knowledge of medicines and textiles alive. Though, there was not much discrimination for her mixed blood, as many actually wanted to learn the secrets of ancient Maru, people still sometimes taunted them for their superstitions and outdated ideas. Both their families cautioned them from getting married, fearing that their backgrounds would be too different.
However, the couple did not care. Their backgrounds meant little compared to their love for one another. She wanted to support him in his army battles and patch him up in the privacy of their own home and Leoncio adored his at turns intelligent and fierce wife who may not be able to hold a spear but could verbally spar with the best of his fellow soldiers.
Though the life of following army camp after army camp was tiring, they leaned on each other and were thanful to have the other by their side. Eventually came the day when Leoncio got a sword through his thigh. It broke stright through the bone and sidelined him for nearly a year. He eventually healed despite fears that heâd have to be amputed, but he would live with a permenant limp and had to retire from his life of sword. It happened to be excellent timing for Altagracia was pregnant with their first child.
They settled into Altagraciaâs home village where Leoncio was aimlessly lost at first, unsure that he had any skills for citizen work but with Altagraciaâs guidence and help, he found his way to work as a part-time picker on pepper plantations while Altagracia continued to work and sell her weaving wares and herbal medicines.
Their first son, Antonio Lautaro Agama-Olmos was born at dawn, a loud and robust baby. A direct contrast to their second son, Pablo Sergio Agama-Olmos who was born at midnight, similarly loud but skinnier.
The family was small but happy. Leoncio being a particularly proud father, trying to teach his sons fighting tricks and boast of his great victories. However, one day, Leoncio left without a trace. Perhaps he left because life in a small village bored him, maybe he had found another woman, or maybe he wished to start over fresh in Avalor City without the burden of caring for a family or the hauntings of his former officer glory. It could have been any one of these reasons but no one would ever know for he left no note.
Altagracia received no sympathy from her family who had warned her that a wealthy man like he might get bored with her, warnings she blithely ignored. She had more help from the Olmosâ who pitied her and felt similarly abandoned for Leoncio sent no word either to them. Besides it went against their honor to abandon someone who was part of their family. They sent Altagracia an âallowanceâ of sorts monthly and Leoncioâs younger brother, Fernando even offered to marry her to make up for his brotherâs grievous actions and give the boys a father. Altagracia politely refused, her pain was too strong and she  wished never to see any of her husbandâs kin ever again.
Altagracia reluctantly accepted the money as she needed it for her sons, and packed up, took up her old name, and moved to the village over the plateau. (I imagine it to be very similar to CuricĂł in Chile. You know, mountains on either side, a central fertile valley for agriculture, humid and wet). She couldnât stand the humiliation of everyone knowing her husband left her and wanted to start fresh even though the rumors and pitying stares still plagued her when she moved to the new village near Mesa Roja. Words traveled fast.
Despite the money sent to her, she couldnât buy a house with enough space for all her weaving so she couldnât open her own weaving shop. But Altagracia was determined to make do and used the stables that adjoined her home to house her looms and set to work by herself to create the most elaborate, quality ponchos, clothes and other items till she became the known as âla mujer de la telar.â The money the Olmos did sent them was set aside for special nonessential things like archery sets or a professional portrait since Altagracia decided any essential items like food or clothing, she would pay with her own work. Those luxeries Pablo proudly boasted about since it set them apart from their little less-off farming neighbors, and heâd often sell these goods for a price. That is until Altagracia found out and threatened to stop buying him things if he wasnât going to use it himself. Â
Antonio had been 7 at the time, Pablo only 6, and if that one devastating event wasnât enough. That was the same year that Shuriki came to power. Music and the old festivals were banned. Altagracia was one of the few people who was happy with this new arrangement since sheâd much rather not be reminded of dances or anything happy like that. The boys however, were sorely disappointed by the thought of no more spring harvesting festivals with the childrenâs races or the games and such. And the addition of Shurikiâs guards patrolling the perimeters to quell any underground rebellions was an unnerving new normal to add to their lives.
Though the boys were too young to truly understand the full context of what was going on, they came today follow their motherâs mantra of âmake do with what they haveâ and made their own fun without the festivals like marbles or pretending their were great trapeze artists like the traveling circus they saw or exploring their new home and the surrounding wild. Antonioâs particularly favorite game was pretending to find lost treasure which influenced his later career.
By the time Antonio was a teenager, he came to think of himself as the new man of the house. He saw how Leoncioâs departure affected their mother. She threw herself into her work, and doted on them more than ever. But she was so distrustful of others especially the rich who she now thought saw people like her as playthings or beneath them. He heard the rumors and taunts of other kids that âtheyâ were the reason their dad ran away. And he vowed that heâd bring fortune to the Agamas name. Theyâd be known for something else than their disappeared dad.
The one obstacle to his big plan was his own brother. It seemed Pablo had inherited their fatherâs propensity for wanting glory and their motherâs sly tongue. He fancied himself as a poor manâs merchant (more accurately a con man) and had been cheating people out of their money with goods that he overhyped or stole from people for them to buy it back at exorbitant prices. Antonio often chewed him out for these things especially since it could reflect badly on their whole family but Pablo defended that they wouldnât want their dear Mama to worry more than she had to, beside he was doing his part as a dutiful son to give her money any way he can. Even though he made plenty of enemies that way. Their neighbors, the Palomas, especially.Â
Their mother did notice the tension between both boys and often had to drop subtle reminders and wise proverbs like âFamily isn't an important thing. It's everything,â or âThe important thing in a family is not being together but being united.â
But they both possessed the same stubborness and their differences grew anyway. Antonio was a studious student, paying attention in class while Pablo often skipped because he felt there was no point. Most people didnât use the lessons on geometry or English in their daily lives, they learned their family trade and that was that. He much preferred to wager and make bets with the boys and flirt. Antonio had also entertained thoughts of marrying girls he had crushes on but he knew that would doom his dream. Once he got married, heâd have to stay settled down and he didnât want that so he staye dcelibate though many women, allured by his muscular build, did try to tempt him much to Pabloâs disgust (Poor Pablo, he wanted to be tempted. That's all he wanted!). But Antonio was different. Their teacher, Professora Risquez thought Antonio had potential, he had a passion for history and the stories of treasure hunters so she told him about the field of archeology. It sounded like a dream to him! Being able to find lost civilizations that told them of where they came from and what they did just like the ancient Maruvians.
He couldnât get the kind of education at home. Not there where the highest level was 12th grade. Professora Risquez offered to sponsor him to go to the University of Avalor. He would live with her parents in their house in the city and he could pursue a degree in archaeological studies. It was a perfect plan and Altagracia was thrilled for her son, and Antonio was similarly thrilled. He was getting one step closer to his dream of bringing fame to the Agama name.
The only one who was less enthusiastic was Pablo who thought Antonio was acting stuck up and superior to him which he kind of was. This led to their first major fight, leading them to never speak to each other for the next twenty eight years.
Antonio hunkered down on his studies, but it had been quite a shock when he first arrived in the city. They had so many more modern convencies like carriages instead of carts and shops for everything and the port brought all sorts of peoples and stories of distant lands that he could never imagine. He even saw a professional circus that put the traveling circus he saw in his childhood to shame.
 Then there was the actual university, the small school with its few teachers and lackluster substance had not prepared him for rigerous testing and academic tone of the unversity. But Professora Risquezâs parents had been former professors themselves and helped him with his study habits and time management. As for the kids, some were nice, some were snobs, a regular crowd of all kinds of people. Though sometimes those classist snobs sniffed at his âvillage peasantâ accent and how fast he talked (Chilean spanish accents is known for being the fastest-spoken) so he learned to modify his fast to his slower, guttural sound.Â
It got stressful at times but the one thing that kept him going was the passion for archeology itself. Each book he read, he yearned to know more, to learn more, to go out and explore and find the routes himself which he did every summer, even managing to secure his first glimpse of fame when he found the Heiroglyphic Staircase of Maru.
Pablo stayed at home, helping his mom with selling her wares and occasionally take odd jobs about town. Eventually, he got bored with the poor provincial village and decided to set out for his own. Altagracia gave her blessings since she had enough money to get by on her own with her work and the allowance from the Olmos. Besides she felt that maybe it would encourage Pablo to grow up a little especially now that he was out of Antonioâs shadow. He offered his services as a salesman to various small businesses but often quit when he felt ready to wander again or because he wanted a larger cut than his employers were willing to give him. He also decided to do his own version of treasure hunting and find items from the trash or wild or sometimes laying around someoneâs backyard and sell them, often adding they belonged to some famous royal or legend or had magic properties. Then splitting town before his angry customors found out they were tricked.
Meanwhile, as Pablo scraped by, Antonio was sending money and letters to their mother with each new discovery he found. He had gotten his biggest dream as a result with the fame and universities begging him to come vist and give lectures. He did so especially if Professora Risquez asked, but he found the fame wasnât as appealing as he thought it would be. Lectures, especially preparing them, were boring and he didnât sell his items rather he gave them to museums to study. He much preferred the thrill of the adventuring and the excitment of finding treasure than anything else.
Then came the day he ventured to Obsidian Island. He had been so sure of himself, having sort of bought into his own hype, and that this would be his greatest find yet. But he had not anticipated for the gecko curse to be real! He freaked out when he was first transformed finding his brain sharing the instincts of a geckoâs and heâd often be distracted by his gecko instincts. Which he had stayed in that form for years.
Meanwhile, Pablo had come home from his itenerite wanderings after his mother wrote to him to come back. He had been 5 years since she had last heard from Antonio. Pablo had no information to give her on that front, but it didnât matter because she needed him now that her arthritis was acting up and it was harder for her to move. Eventually, she had stopped moving completely and needed to move around in a wheelchair. Pablo cared for her during her final days and then Antonio came back.
He finished his adventure at Obsidian Island, and no longer a gecko, he had to apologize and explain to everyone he had known what had happened. His first trip was to his dear mama who had wept with joy seeing Antonio alive and well and that he had not abandoned her as she had thought. Pablo was put-off. Finally, he had time with their mama but once again Antonio, the golden boy outshone him and âsavedâ the day.
The next day, Altagracia died, seemingly ready to move on after seeing her son again. Pablo and Antonio tersely arranged the funeral together, maintaing some politeness to each other. But that all exploded after the funeral. Pablo made some comment of how nice it was for the famed and renowned Antonio Agama to find time to visit and how he had done all the work when Altagracia was ill and Antonio made her think he had left them just like Leoncio. Antonio shot back that he didnât mean to not contact them. He was a freaking gecko! Those were exnuating circumstances, and it wasnât like Pablo was so concerned about his welfare since he hadnât written him so much a letter since Antonio left for college. This left them in fury and they refused to talk to each other again.
Until the will came and both were given parts of that treasure map aka The Family Treasure. After the events of that episode and Elenaâs song getting stuck in their head thus reminding them, they decided to patch up their relationship and spend more time with one another with Antonio even inviting Pablo to his next archeological adventure so theyâd have plenty of time to talk or find more things to fight about, but theyâve come to sort of like it that way.
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Agent of Hope - 12
Your world falls into ruin together with the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcements Logistics Division when you find out that your boyfriend isnât one of the good guys. Pairing: Brock Rumlow x fem!reader, Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader Contents: ALL THE WARNINGS INCLUDING TRIGGER WARNINGS. A tiny bit of good in the end? A/N: Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry.Â
12 - Broken people
⊠ Romanoffâs PoV  âŠ
âThis is more like it!â Stark sounds cheerful over the coms.
Heâs flown ahead to scout together with Sam, eager to make sure no one escapes him and the rest of the team of Avengers as they head through the vacated part of town.
Peering down a side road, Natasha has to admit that itâs more than just a single neighbourhood thatâs been abandoned long ago. The town was dependant on one industry only, not atypical for a lot of the rural mid-states, and when that went belly-up the entire town was vacated out of a need for jobs. Splintered windows beneath sheets of plywood, boarded up doors, and overgrown patios and curbs. Ghost town. But the place isnât completely empty. A bit of hacking through Starkâs suit has proved that someoneâs accessing the electrical grid and the water at one location only: a school. Perfect place for a large group of people take hunker down for a while.
âWhatâs the play, Nat?â Steveâs voice calls the former Russian back to the situation.
Go in, kill what moves, save [Y/N]. But it has to be more detailed than that. âSam ând Steve take the south entrance, Tony find a way in from west or make oneâŠwe take the north side.â
The man in a can is hovering far above the building sprawled out between wild grasses and shrubberies, allowing Jarvis to do its work while everyone else moves to the desired positions.
Itâs a good thing. Thanks to Jarvis, they know how many Hydra-goons are waiting as the wannabe rescuers storm the place, moving methodically along the main hallways without forgetting to check each roomâŠjust in case. Itâs silent work with very few surprises until they inevitably encounter the first opposition, five for each pair (counting Stark and Jarvis together, of course).
Hydra trains their people very well, forming teams with strong bonds and a capability for adapting rapidly under pressure. Itâs hard to tell from the grunts or weapon-noise through the coms how the others are fairing against the enemy, but at least Natasha is a force that not even Hydra can withstand at the moment. She bears down on them like a hurricane and without any regards for her own safety except what is needed to reach the next target and the one after that.
⊠ Rumlowâs PoV  âŠ
Grabbing the few things he needs, Brockâs mentally racing through the plan for getting the hell our of dodge. The second in command knows. Each and every Hydra member has to be ready to lay down there lives to ensure the goal is achieved, but sometimes the higher-ranking officers are part of a bigger puzzle that requires them (in this case Rumlow) to leave before itâs too late so they/he can fight another day.
âAnd the girl?â Crouched behind a corner at a T-intersection in the hallway to avoid the shrapnel and bullets, the man glances over at Rumlow on the other side of the hall.
âNot a priority.â
Thatâs it. A death-sentence in three words. The second knows what it means and there are no need to say anything else even as the two men meet each otherâs gaze for a second before Rumlow twists to look around his own corner. An arrow whistles by with only an inch to spare and lodges itself in the wall behind him.
âCOVER!â The last of his shout is drowned in the small explosion which makes a whole in the wall. Bloody Robin Hood.
Debris and smoke is raining down as Rumlow unfolds himself from where heâd landed on the floor. His ears are ringing and thereâs probably a part of the less healed wounds that have re-opened on his shoulder, but it doesnât matter right this second.
So she cares! The fiery hair is partially breaking free from the ponytail, floating in thin wisps around Romanoffâs face as she engages two Hydra agents simultaneously. The grey-green eyes are normally calculative, showing the same detachment that he himself has been trained to utilize during any mission. Not this time.
A second expands and stretches, slowing the embers to the point where they look like fireflies hovering in the air and the sound of fighting is a distant rumbling. Thereâs more than enough time for Brock to notice the snarl curling the pretty lips to show a flash of white teeth. Itâs the eyes that does it, though. Itâs almost funny. All this time he thought having [Y/N] would be a matter of principles and strategy for Captain bloody Rogers, that thatâs the reason the Avengers are coming for the freak of an exâŠbut itâs the emotionless less bitch whoâs invested. Itâs so obvious itâs tempting to stay and watch, to be there when Romanoff finds the limb body.
Time snaps back like a rubber band, flinging Brock and the world into action once more. As he run down the hallway and away from the noise, itâs the fear â the desperation â in the Black Widowâs eyes that gives him wings.
⊠ Readerâs PoV  âŠ
The sound of an explosion reaches you from far away, stubbornly pushing through the fluffy nothingness that surrounds and cools you. Smaller sounds can be heard too, but you justâŠjust canât be bothered with it all. What does it all matter anyways? Wanting to go back to the calm fluff, you refuse to open your eyes to find out whatâs happeningâŠit will only bring you pain anyways, and youâre so fed up of the constant aching from within and outside. When was the last time you werenât hurting while awake? Itâs impossible to tell. Maybe youâve always been in pain, head electrocuting you and body ripped apart bit by bit. Or is that your soul? The dark silence comes to your rescue, quieting your brain and the world again.
âŠ
Darkness moves in your mind, tearing your thought to pieces with pure agony. Tunnel. Running. Itâs not you fleeing in the dark, but someone else. Images of landscapes and helicopters come and go together with random faces youâve never seen together with the hot sunlight over a city youâve never seen although you recognize the green shape tearing through the street. Thereâs a scream above it all, much closer and with a different quality to it. Me? Your throat is raw as the dirty tiles between leather of the real world breaks through your vision, the faded turquoise pulsing with your heartbeat in your head. The sound of yourself nestles itself over everything else, lulling you into a pained rest of brightest white before the darkness rebuilds a cocoon around you.
âŠ
You see the slender legs (black pants covered in dust) wrapping around the neck of a man. You see the tendrils of red whip into the field of vision as the male and the entire hallway spins. The sounds you hear donât fit that image, though. Instead thereâs a metalling sound followed by a sort of oingoingoingoing and heavy boots.
âShit!â The deep voice makes you wince, itâs much too loud this close to you. âI donât know, hold onâŠâ
Big hands touch your face, then neck, feeling around for something. Stop! You have to get away from the groping hands. Theyâll wrap around your throat, pull your clothes aside to squeeze your breasts painfully, and tear your pants off before they pin you to whatever surface is available. Then the real pain will begin. Deep and unrelenting.
âHey! [Y/N], itâs okay, itâs me!â
But the manâs words donât matter. âItâs meâŠdonât you remember? We were good togetherâŠloved each otherâŠlook at me, babyâŠâ Soft words whispered into your ear so many times in an attempt to stop you from struggling, promising you that the pain will go away. But it never did. He always hurt you. Or let the others send lightning through your brain until the skull would nearly split. Not again! You wonât let any of them hurt you again. Get away! And there comes the dark fuzz from the corners to save you, bring the peace and nothingness with it.
âŠ
âDonât let her fall.â
You spill out of the monstrosity of a chair, nearly spilling the non-existent contents of your stomach as the movement is halted by something. Someone. The broad figure has a strong grip on you, holding on so you canât get away no matter how much you begin to struggle. Every shift in the limbs sends pain screaming through the muscles even as the shoves and pushes become weaker. No! You barely have any energy left, but this is your chance to get away. Away from Brock. Home. You know thereâs no such place, the apartment you had was shared with the last man you ever want to see again. Thatâs not a home anymore. Tasha. Please, find me. Thatâs where you have to go, where youâll be safe. Tasha. Nat!
âEasy, sheâs ⊠-er wa-â the voice fades in and out as darkness returns.
⊠ Romanoffâs PoV  âŠ
At least sheâs alive. The words running on repeat in Natashaâs head are meant to be a way to calm herself. A soothing mantra. However, as she runs down the halls of the derelict school, itâs not enough to keep the worry tugged away because this is about [Y/N], and everything she can hear the guys say on the coms is verifying the horrible fears supressed lately.
âTalk to me,â she pleads, ignoring that her body would prefer the air for itself rather than talking.
The second of hesitation is oppressing through the little earpiece, speaking volumes more than any words could.
âSheâs in and out of consciousness,â Steve finally explains, âalive, but far from healthy.â Natasha can imagine the way the Captainâs jaw must be set right now. âNatâŠshe freaks out if weâre too close if sheâs awaââ
As if on cue, thereâs a strangled wail from Steveâs end and something that sounds a lot like a man in sudden pain. âFuuuuuâŠsheâŠmy ballsâŠâ Sam whimpers broken.
âAlmost there.â
âŠ
The sight of [Y/N] shivering figure is like a punch to the guts. Itâs not the dirt, torn clothes, or even the bruises and blood. Itâs the way the woman is huddled into a corner of the deep end of the pool as far from Sam and Steve as she can possibly get and the haunted look as she tries to hold her head up in an attempt to keep track of the men while battling fatigue. But worst of all? [Y/N] is trying to hold the tattered trousers tightly closed with one hand behind a shield of knobbly knees and broken fingernails that sometimes stray to her scalp where hair has been sheared off in patches where bluish gel still sticks.
â[Y/N]âŠâ I have to be slow, have to be calm. âItâs meâŠNatasha. [Y/N], can you hear me?â
Frightened eyes blink in confusion, searching for the source of the female voice echoing in the empty pool. Tears glide slowly down the poor girlâs cheeks along paths crusty with old salt.
âT-Tash-a?â Hoarse. Broken. The once rich sound has been reduced to a ghost. âWhe- Nat?â
The former spy recognises the grimaces caused by conflicting emotions that hurt more than any physical pain could ever do, and she wants to rush over to hold the woman. Keep her safe now when she couldnât beforeâŠbut one wrong move will be disastrous.
âIâm here. Can I come closer?â
Inch by inch, the abused woman unfolds enough to stretch her arms towards Natasha. One in each otherâs embrace, [Y/N] keeps feelings the rescuerâs face and threading the dirty fingers through the flaming hair. A soft smile is on her lips, only wavering when Steve tries to come closer â at least he gets the point and retreats again.
âYâere,â the former prisoner sighs.
Unable to hold her own head any longer, she lets it sink onto Natashaâs shoulder. The redhead is thankful, that way she can allow her lips to quiver as they want to without the concern that the poor soul in her arms might see it. Fiddling with a zipper, she pulls out a syringe.
âIâm here, [Y/N].â At least her voice is still even. âI got you, go to sleep.â The needle finds its mark, unnoticed by the exhausted woman, and hot tears begin to fall on her head as the sedative enter her system. âI got you.â
#Agent of hope mcu fanfiction#natasha romanoff#Brock Rumlow#Natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff x you#Natalia romanova#Brock Rumlow x reader#Brock Rumlow x you#hydra#shield#Avengers#captain america#Black Widow#Crossbones#clint barton#Steve Rogers#hawkeye#sam wilson#falcon#tony stark#Iron Man#reader#marvel cinematic universe#mcu#angst#dark#hurt and comfort#fanfiction#writing#fanfic
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Make My Heart Sing
A/N: any gifs i use are not my own. I get them from googleÂ
Summary: Your job leads to you seeing Steve Rogers, but for a long time you keep your feelings close to the vest. Until one night he comes to you
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader
Warnings: none
Word Count: 1281
You were a singer in a 40s style bar and lounge. It was something you greatly enjoyed. The music, the outfits, the laid back attitude of most of the customers. You liked all of it; it was the perfect job for you. Or maybe it was the hottie that came into the bar every Friday night that you enjoyed so much.
The first time you had seen him, you had almost missed the beat to start the next chorus. His blue button up was so tight as he leaned against the bar and it drew attention to his muscles. You had sucked in a breath that would have been heard by the crowd if you hadnât lowered the mic when you spotted him.
Luckily one of the band members had caught your attention and you managed to pick up the song without really catching anyoneâs attention. It would have been embarrassing if someone had caught onto the fact you had been ogling the man.
That had been a few months ago and you still hadnât worked up the courage to approach the man. You mentality berated yourself every time you watched him leave at the end of the night. You were beautiful, talented. Why couldnât you muster the courage to approach him, introduce yourself? It wasnât that hard to do. Just walk up to him and say, âIâm nice to meet you, IâmâŠâ
But the words always got stuck in your throat and you hated yourself for it. You wanted more than anything to say a few words to him, but they never came out. And it would seem tonight would be no different.
You sang and danced your heart out, spinning around the stage and hitting all your notes perfectly. There were plenty of applause and a few wolf whistles. By now you had grown accustomed to that. The men did it every night. Some of them had even asked you on a date, but none of them caught your attention. Not since youâd first laid eyes on your handsome blue-eyed soldier.
The truth was you had managed to figure out who he was and knowing that you had a crush on Captain America made you feel silly. He was a hero. He had saved the world from aliens. Yes, he was still a person and you didnât have trouble looking past his fame. Your issue, and the real reason you couldnât introduce yourself, was because you didnât think you were worthy of such a remarkable human being.
He had been through so much in his life, probably had women coming up to him all the time because of his looks or because they recognized him. You didnât want to add to any stress he might have because of it. So every time you say him the courage you had managed to grasp hold of the night before disappeared like smoke in the night and you couldnât catch it.
It was a little heartbreaking to watch him and not say a word, but you supposed that was better than never seeing him at all. Perhaps it was better this way. You wouldnât make a mess of his life and he wouldnât have to worry about you becoming a potential target for one of his enemies. At least that was what you told yourself. Whenever you saw him the mantra âhe is better off without youâ played in your head.
Until tonight that is. Tonight wasnât like all the other nights he had came in, sat at the bar, and had a few drinks. Tonight there was a strange feeling in the air. You looked at him and for a brief moment he was looking back. He smiled and your heart fluttered. Yet, that wasnât the only difference tonight held.
When you finished your set and headed to your dressing room to grab your bag and head home for the night there was someone in front of your door. Steve was standing there and by the looks of him, he was just as nervous as you were.
âHi. What...what are you doing in front of my room?â You asked softly.
He lifted his head and locked eyes with you. âIâve been coming in here for months trying to work up the nerve to say something to you. The first time I came because Stark suggested it. Said it might make me feel a little more at ease than the other clubs. But then I saw you and I thought you were gorgeous. So I came the next week hoping to see you again. I did and this time I caught your full set. Your voice sang to my heart.â He let out a nervous laugh, knowing his last sentence was cheesy and probably cliche.
âYou actually wanted to talk to me?â You were beginning to realize that your pinning had been mutual. Or so you hoped.
Steve smiled sheepishly. âYeah. I tried every time I was here to work up the gumption to tell you I think you have a wonderful voice and that youâre beautiful. The thing is Iâm not really used to dating and talking to girls unless itâs for a mission. And even then they still make me nervous.â
You laughed softly. âYou were nervous? Have you looked in a mirror? Youâre gorgeous and sweet. The way you always buy me a drink. Donât deny it. I didnât start getting a free drink every Friday until you started coming in. Even still I was nervous to approach you. I didnât think I was good enough for someone so wonderful. My life is a bit of a mess.â
âIâm sure that however messy your life is itâs nothing compared to mine. You didnât need to be nervous.â
âItâs probably not as messy, but I didnât want to complicate your life anymore.â You looked down. Seeing his shadow you lifted your gaze.
âWell Iâm here now and maybe I want you to complicate it. What do you say to coffee?â
âIâd love that. Just give me a few minutes to change and weâll go.â You stepped toward your room.
Steve smiled and nodded. âIâll wait right here for you.â
An hour later you were sitting across from him sipping a chocolate mocha. âWait...wait you mean to tell me Falcon got his ass handed to him by someone named Ant-man? Thatâs the most hilarious thing Iâve ever heard.â You laughed softly.
He nodded. âOh yeah. Scott shrunk down and really gave it to him. Not that Sam will admit to it. What man would?â
âIâm not sure a woman would want to admit to that. Itâs one thing to get beat up by someone your own size or bigger. A whole other to get beat up by someone this big.â You held your fingers up really close together.
He grinned. âYou arenât wrong. I doubt anyone wants to go through that.â
Talking with Steve was easy. You ended up spending hours together in the coffee shop talking. One mocha turned into four and by the time you realized what time it was the sun had been up for a bit.
âOh is that the time?â
He looked to the clock. âYeah, thatâs the time. I didnât realize how late it was. You should get home and get some rest.â
You went to put money on the table for the coffee when he closed your hand.
âLet me get this. Itâs the least I can do after making you think for months that I would never want you.â
You smiled softly and gave him a tender kiss. âWe should do this again sometime.â
âWe definitely will,â he said softly.
#steve#steve rogers#steve rogers x reader#steve x reader#captain america#captain america x reader#captain rogers#captain rogers x reader#mcu#mcu fanfiction#mcu fandom#mcu fanfics#marvel#marvel fanfiction#marvel fandom#marvel fanfics
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My Top 10 Favorite Albums of 2019
It's that time of year again! I'm gonna use the same introduction on this post like I will on the other for the most part, so don't get scared about reading the same post twice. Today we're gonna be looking at my Top 10 Favorite Albums of 2019! I did a video on my music channel where I just talk about the favorites, but here you will see them AND ALL the honorable mentions! I want to give a few disclaimers: 1) I am a metalhead, so most of the releases you will see are metal releases; 2) this is all based on my personal tastes and opinions as to what I found to be the best.
Before we get into the countdown, let's see the honorable mentions! How I rank them is if the release has ** following it then it means that I enjoyed the release, but if it has *** it means that it had the potential to make it into the rankings. So here they are!
Valcata - Valcata** (symphonic power metal / metal opera) The End of Melancholy - Paradox Intention** (alternative metal) Autumn - Stacking Smoke** (atmospheric gothic metal) Shokran - Ethereal** (djent / progressive metal / ambient) My Propane - Antidote** (djent / alternative metal) Celestivl - TenTimesTwo** (symphonic metal) Diabolical - Eclipse** (black metal) Degrees of Truth - Time Travel Artifact** (progressive metal) Ardours - Last Place on Earth** (gothic metal) Devin Townsend - Empath** (progressive metal) The Agonist - Orphans** (progressive death metal) Battle Beast - No More Hollywood Endings** (heavy metal) Verite - New Skin** (indie pop) Porselain - Duende** (avant-garde) Vetrar Draugurinn - Hinterlands** (gothic metal) Scarlet Stories - Necrologies** (dark metal) Port Noir - The New Routine** (alternative / prog rock) We are the Catalyst - Ephemeral** (alternative metal) Tarja - In the Raw** (symphonic metal) Kobra and the Lotus - Evolution** (hard rock) Rage of Light - Imploder** (trance death metal) FKA Twigs - Magdalene** (trip hop) Cellar Darling - The Spell** (progressive metal) The Dark Element - Songs the Night Sings** (power metal) Voyager - Colours in the Sun** (djent / progressive metal) Arcane Ritual - Witch-Heart** (gothic metal) Metalite - Biomechanicals** (power metal) Gone in April - Shards of Light** (melodic symphonic death metal) Pencey Sloe - Don't Believe, Watch Out** (shoegaze) The Murder of My Sweet - Brave Tin World** (symphonic metal) Symfobia - The Smog of Tomorrow** (symphonic metal) Ianwill - One Credit Left** (metalcore) Visions of Atlantis - Wanderers** (symphonic power metal)
Sharks in Your Mouth - Sacrilegious*** (symphonic deathcore) Glasya - Heaven's Demise*** (symphonic metal) Lacuna Coil - Black Anima*** (gothic metal) Lighthouse in Darkness - The Melancholy Movies*** (trip hop / sad Hollywood music) Banks - III*** (r&b) Saor - Forgotten Paths*** (folk death metal) Plague of Stars - Daedalus*** (gothic metal) Hecate Enthroned - Embrace of the Godless Aeon*** (symphonic black metal) Dorian Electra - Flamboyant*** (experimental / queer pop) Beast in Black - From Hell with Love*** (power metal) Shadow of Intent - Melancholy*** (symphonic deathcore) Leprous - Pitfalls*** (prog rock) Cathubodua - Continuum*** (symphonic metal) Reism - Dysthymia*** (gothic metal) Starset - Divisions*** (cinematic rock) The Lust - Lustration*** (gothic metal) Neverlight - The Quiet Room*** (progressive gothic metal)
And now let's look at the big boys!
10. The Offering - Home [progressive metal]
I would like to label these guys as "progressive power death metal", but prog is good enough since it rounds it out perfectly. Amazing production and very interesting riffs and song-writing. A bit chaotic, but there's structure to the chaos. The singer's voice is absolutely insane and he has an incredible vocal range.
Favorite songs: 1. Failure (S.O.S.) 2. Lovesick 3. Glory
9. Infected Rain - Endorphin [modern metal]
I wasn't expecting to love this as much as I do. Epic production and full of epic songs. They really have evolved a lot over the years, but this album is still very much true to who they are. It's a very diverse album that experiments with different directions, but keeps its direction.
Favorite songs: 1. Black Gold 2. Earth Mantra 3. Passerby
8. Lindsay Schoolcraft - Martyr [symphonic gothic metal]
I've said this once and I'll continue to say it: this album is like a love child between Within Temptation and Evanescence. It's very dreamy and absolutely beautiful. This album was definitely worth the wait. And if you got the storybook edition (like I did), then you know the exclusive bonus tracks are absolutely wonderful.
Favorite songs: 1. Stranger 2. Into the Night 3. Remember
7. Muna - Saves the World [indie pop / queer pop]
This album is so much fun, but also very sad. These queens really know how to make good sad music, but then turn around and make it upbeat and fun. This album I feel isn't as dramatic as About U (which I LOVE), but instead is more from the heart and personal. It's a very touching album.
Favorite songs: 1. Stayaway 2. Who 3. Pink Light
6. Swallow the Sun - When a Shadow is Forced into the Light [gothic doom metal]
When I first heard Upon the Water, I knew right when they mentioned "nightingale" that it was about Aleah Stanbridge and had a strong feeeling that the whole album would be dedicated to her, and it very much is. It's definitely a very deep and hard album to listen to if you're someone, like myself, was very fond of Aleah. It's full of so much beauty, raw emotion, and heartbreak.
Favorite songs: 1. Firelights 2. Upon the Water 3. Never Left
5. Imperia - Flames of Eternity [symphonic metal]
I feel this album is very different from what they've done in the past, but still very much an Imperia album. Helena dove deep into her heart for this album just like the previous album, but it's not as heartbreaking which makes it easier to take in. I love the unique directions they went in with the song-writing to really make this album different.
1. Fear is an Illusion 2. The Scarred Soul 3. Book of Love
4. Fleshgod Apocalypse - Veleno [symphonic technical death metal]
This album is both very chaotic and well structured. It's pretty whimsical at times which helps it stand out compared to previous releases; not to mention they experimented with their sound a bit in general with this album. I really love the orchestrations and choirs on this album in particular since they don't sound like they have on previous releases.
Favorite songs: 1. The Day We'll be Gone 2. Fury 3. Monnalisa
3. Within Temptation - Resist [symphonic modern metal]
This is how you rebrand yourself. It's still very much true to who they are, but a very solid and different evolution. It really reminds me a lot of their older stuff, but with a modern twist to it. The production on it is absolutely amazing and the storytelling is done so beautifully. This is my new favorite album from them, and I haven't had one since The Heart of Everything.
Favorite songs: 1. Raise Your Banner 2. Trophy Hunter 3. Firelight
2. Starkill - Gravity [symphonic power death metal]
They really stepped their pussies up with this album. It's absolutely amazing. The production is light years ahead of that of Shadow Sleep (which was my biggest gripe with that album). I love the sci-fi feel to a lot of the songs off the album and just how dramatic and intense it gets.
Favorite songs: 1. The Real Enemy 2. Until We Fall 3. Castaway
1. Ex Libris - ANN (A Progressive Metal Trilogy) [progressive symphonic metal]
If you want to learn the stories of three Ann's throughout history and love super dramatic, powerful, gut-wrenching music, then this is the release for you. I know chapter 1 made it on my favorite EPs last year (and placed number 1 at that), but since the last two chapters were released this year, it makes since to just include the whole album here since that's what all three chapters make. Dianne and the guys really went above and beyond for this album and Joost did such an incredible job at helping them make this album as perfect as it is. I especially love how much Dianne emulated all three of them and how she channeled them perfectly.
Favorite songs (in no particular order): 1. Chapter 1 - Anne Boleyn: The Beheading 2. Chapter 2 - Anastasia Romanova: The Exile 3. Chapter 3 - Anne Frank: The Raid
And that's it for the albums! I highly recommend these EPs for those of you whom are interested. Follow this link to see the post all about my favorite EPs of the year!
#me#blogger#favorites#top 10#The Offering#progressive metal#Infected Rain#nu metal#Lindsay Schoolcraft#gothic metal#cradle of filth#Muna#queer pop#synth pop#pop#Swallow the Sun#doom metal#Imperia#symphonic metal#Fleshgod Apocalypse#death metal#Within Temptation#modern metal#Starkill#power metal#Ex Libris#female fronted metal#black metal#metalhead
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âWayward Heartsâ Season 2 Chapter 10: Heart
Summary: After the sudden death of John, Sam and Dean, along with Riley, continue their quest for vengeance. As Sam and Rileyâs powers continue to grow, the three young hunters find themselves closer to the Yellow-Eyed demon than ever before. The strength within themselves and their loyalty to each other will be tested as they are left to fight their familiesâ lifelong war alone, unaware that unimaginable evil will lead them to face darkness itself as they carry the weight of their fathersâ legacies.Â
Masterlist
Word Count: 9,027
Content Warning: language, light smut and violence
DISCLAIMER: any words or phrases in bold in the story are not my own and are credited to the writers of Supernatural.
**GIFS ARE NOT MY OWN**
Dean and Riley sat on opposite beds in the dingy motel room somewhere in San Francisco as they cleaned their guns. The familiar sound of the metal clicking as they took them apart felt like sweet, yet strange, childhood memories.Â
The Winchesterâs eyes looked up at Riley as she focused on her task and he watched her for a brief moment as a smirk crept up his face. Even with silence between them and being lost in their work, the couple enjoyed those quiet moments. Words didnât need to be said for them to enjoy each otherâs company.
Breaking his attention away from the guns and the girl in front of him, Dean looked towards his brother. âSo, this lawyer guy you checked out at the morgue today, he the first heart-free corpse in town?â
âFirst man,â Sam emphasized as he got a bottle of beer from the fridge. âNate Mulligan, a local lawyer. But, over the past year, several women have gone missing. Dead bodies all washed up later in the bay, too deteriorated to draw firm conclusions.â
âBut no hearts?â
âNo hearts. They were all hookers working Hunterâs Point.â Sam sat backward in his chair, facing his partners as he popped the cap off his drink. âNow, cops are trying to keep things under wrap, but theyâre looking for a serial killer.â
âWhat about the lunar cycle,â Riley asked.
âMm-hmm. Yeah, month after month, all the murders happen in the week leading up to the full moon.â
âThatâs this week, right?â
âHence the lawyer.â
Dean snickered. âAwesome.â
With a breathy laugh, Riley gazed up from her gun saying, âdamn. Geeking out much over there, Dean?â
âIâm sorry, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlightâ donât you understand?â Dean opened a black, smaller, rectangular box filled with silver bullets. âI mean, werewolves are badass. We havenât seen one since we were kids.â
âOkay, Sparky,â Sam started in a playful and teasing tone. âAnd you know what? After we kill it, we can go to Disneyland!â
Dean ignored his brotherâs snarky comment. âWhat about you, Rye? Run into any of these guys before?â
âUh--yeah. I was about...13 I think? Dad and I caught wind of one when we were in Minnesota right after I had really started hunting with him. It was a tough son of a bitch, Iâll tell you that much.â She was already up and putting away her gear as she tied her hair up in a messy bun and synched it tight. âMy first kill on a hunt actually.â
âDamn,â he nodded, impressed. âYou went balls to the wall.â
âWell, Dad always said, âknow your gun, know your target, and donât missâ.â She laughed at the ridiculous mantra. âGood thing Iâm a damn good shot.â Riley tilted her head with a shrug. âItâs a gift.âÂ
Dean chuckled. âA gorgeous woman who can handle a gun, what more could I ask for?âÂ
She bent down to kiss him with a smile as she sat on the bed.Â
âYou know what the best part about it is? We already know how to bring these suckers down.â Dean held up a silver bullet and admired it. âOne of these bad boys right to the heart. So, whatâs our next move?â
âTalk to the girl that found the body,â Sam added.
------
In a well-decorated apartment, the three stood waiting to speak to the witness. The walls were a soft neutral color with nearly sheer white window curtains. Subtle plants sat the perfect positions of the living room among the clean and somewhat modern furniture.
The witness was a young woman named Madison. She was taller than Riley and truly beautiful. Her long brunette hair ran over her shoulders and touched her chest. Madison had fuller lips and a soft skin tone that just suited her so well.
A neighbor had already been visiting when the hunters got there. He was a meek-looking man with a head of dark curly hair, with a beard and mustache to match. The man was wearing a yellow shirt with a logo from âMission Churchâ and a large cross.
Sam, Dean, and Riley werenât dressed in their suits, though still posed as detectives for the case.Â
âIâm Detective Landis.â Dean pointed to Sam before gesturing to Riley as well. âThese are my partners, Dante, and Wadleigh.â
âI donât understand,â Madison said looking slightly confused. âI already gave my statement to the police.â
âRight. We just have to go over a few things,â Sam replied.
The manâs face looked almost sad knowing it was time for him to leave. âWell, I guess Iâll leave you to it. Just call me if you need anything, Madison.â
âI will. Thanks again for the casserole.â After the neighbor had taken his leave, Madison looked over to the undercover hunters. âHeâs sweet. Glen--heâs a neighbor. Came over to check on me.â She exhaled. âAlright, well please--have a seat.â Madison guided them all over to the glass countered table as they sat down to talk.
âYou must be pretty shaken up. You were Nate Mulliganâs assistant, right?â
âFor about two years, yeah.â
Riley looked over at the woman trying to get a read on her. âSo, would you say you pretty much knew all about him?â
With a nod, Madison answered, âyeah. Probably knew more about him than he did. Nate wasâŠâ she smiled fondly. âHe was nice. But, uh--I mean, you get a few scotches in him and heâd start hitting on anything within a five-mile radius. You know the type.â
âDid Nate have any enemies?â Dean inquired.
âWhat do you mean? It sure looked like an animal attack.â
âNo, yeah--weâre just covering all the bases. Anyone that might have had a beef with him--a former client, an exâŠâ
Madison groaned softly hating to answer that question. âWell, this is kinda embarrassing, but my ex-boyfriend, Kurt--Kurt Mueller. He went a little nuts after our break up. Heâs...kind of been stalking me. I guess he got it in his head that there was something going on between me and Nate and showed up at the office one day. Kurt came in pissed and started something with Nate and threw a punch. Security had to come in and drag him out. Iâm lucky I didnât lose my job.â
âWhen did you see Kurt last?â Riley felt a gentleness coming from Madison. She seemed like a genuinely sweet girl. Everything she was saying up until then was the whole truth. It didnât seem like she had much to hide at all; except for the fact that Riley was able to pick up that the girl was definitely attracted to Sam.Â
It made her have to hide a smile she felt coming on.
âActually, a few nights ago, the night Nate died. Kurt showed up when a bunch of us from the office went out for a drink. It was like--he was watching me? He just disappeared. Iâll be honest,â Madison paused. âHe scares me.â
------
The hunters went down the steps toward the sidewalk. Bare winter trees surrounded the area and the cold bay air caused their breaths to fog.
âSo, what do you guys think?â Riley asked. âI mean, the stalker ex-boyfriend hated the boss and was there the same night.â
Dean looked around the neighborhood, checking things around them as he always did. âThink heâs our dog-faced boy?â
âWell, itâs a theory,â Sam shrugged.
âWeâve gone off worse.â
As they all reached the Impala, Riley reached for the front door handle. âI say we give Kurt a friendly visit.â
Riley and the Winchesters got in the car and drove down the road.
At that moment, Madison began to peek out the window after hearing a noise from outside. Moving the curtains to get a better look, she saw Kurt standing on her lawn, staring back up at her. She gasped and jumped back.Â
When she went to look again, Kurt was already gone.
------
That night, the boys and Riley had arrived at Kurtâs apartment. After scoping out the area and knowing he wasnât home, Dean picked the lock before they all went inside.
Nodding her head and giving a face of approval, Riley looked around some more before speaking. âHuh. Much nicer than what I was expecting.â
âWhat were you expecting?â Sam asked.
âI dunno...not so clean and decorated. More...serial killer-ish? I mean, whereâs the wall mural of Madison photos? Stalker fail.â
He chuckled and looked over to Dean who was looking in the fridge. âAnything?â
âNah. Nothing but a six-pack and leftovers.â
âCheck the freezer,â Riley said, interjecting. âMight be some frozen remains. Oh, and see if heâs got any ice cream. That sounds amazing.â
âNo left-over doggie food or Haagen-Dazs.â
She sighed. âWishful thinking.â
There was a sound nearby of a door opening and then shutting and the hunters all turned to look at each other.Â
Dean opened the sliding glass door out to the balcony and stepped outside. On the wall, he could see claw marks in the concrete that drug down to the ground.
âGuys,â Dean called. âCome here.â They joined him and he pointed to his find. âCheck it out.â
After Sam, Dean, and Riley went back inside to continue their search for more about Kurt, the sound of a gunshot echoed through the neighborhood from outside.Â
Immediately, the three took off in its direction and found themselves on the side of the apartment building. In the alley, behind a large dumpster, lied the mauled body of a policeman. His flesh was torn into and his chest cavity had been ripped completely open. The fresh blood still gushed from him onto the concrete.
Sam pulled out his phone. âIâll call 911.â
Dean pushed the dumpster out of the way before bending down to get a closer look and Riley joined him.
âIâd say Kurtâs looking more and more like our Cujo,â he said looking over the mangled body.
âCrap,â Riley muttered. âWe gotta go check on Madison if heâs out there.â
------
It was early morning as the hunters knock on Madisonâs apartment door, across the hall, Glen opened his door to the sound. âWhatâs going on?â
âPolice business, Glen,â Dean answered.
Madison opened the door in her pajamas and robe, surprised to see them again. âWhat is it?â she asked, worried.
Glancing over at Glen, Sam told her, âmaybe we should talk somewhere, privately.â
She stepped out of the way of the entrance letting them all in.Â
Riley turned to look at Glen once more and her eyes squinted slightly, not understanding on what she was picking up on him. It was strange, but she just studied him for a moment before he shut his door and disappeared into his apartment.
When they were all inside and into the kitchen, Madison poured them all cups of freshly brewed coffee. Steam formed as the warm drink filled their mugs.
âHas Kurt been here?â Sam sipped at his mug.
Riley could feel Samâs heart flutter as he talked to Madison. His thoughts rushed and she could hear him think about how beautiful she was. Knowing they both liked each other, Riley had to somehow get them to spend time together.Â
Riley knew Madison would be good for Sam. Not to mention the guy hadnât exactly spent much time with a woman since losing Jess.
âNot exactly,â she responded. âHe was outside last night. Just...looking at me.âÂ
The three exchanged looks and it didnât go unnoticed by Madison.Â
âOh god, has he done something?â
âWeâre, uh--weâre not really sure...â
Dean jumped in, âItâs probably nothing, but...we just donât wanna take any chances. In fact, one of us should probably stay here with you? Just in case he stops by. Where does he work?â
âHe owns a body shop.â
âYou mind grabbing that address for us?â
She nodded at his request and left the kitchen to retrieve it.
âAlright,â Sam started. âIâll stay here. You guys go check out the body shop.â
Agreeing, almost too earnestly, Riley replied, âyeah! I think thatâs a great idea!â She was smiling knowing that was her opportunity to get them together. âWeâre gonna get out of here.âÂ
Riley took Deanâs hand and waved at Sam before pulling her boyfriend along with her.
The brothers shared a quick look of uncertainty before they could no longer see each other.Â
When they got to the hallway, Dean closed the door behind them and glanced at her in curiosity. âWhat the hell was that about?â
âWeâŠâ she said hooking her arm into Deanâs, âare gonna let those two have some time alone.â
It took a second, but Dean caught on his eyebrow hooked. âDid you pick up on something?â
âOhhhh yeah. Letâs just say...even if they have nothing to talk about, theyâll still enjoy each otherâs company immensely.â
Dean grinned. âMy boy.â
------
Later that morning, Madison went through her mail while Sam watched her from the kitchen. When she felt his eyes on her, she turned to meet his gaze. He smiled uncomfortably at Madison, not knowing how to act around her.
âUm...do you wanna sit on the couch?â she offered.
âNo, no, no. Iâm okay.â
âAre you sure,â Madison pressed sweetly. âItâs more comfortable.â
âAh, Iâm fine.â
She came back to the table with a basket of laundry and turned it over to drop it all in front of the hunter. Madison began to sift through the clothing and sorted out her underwear as she pulled out a lacy thong.
The second Sam saw the sexy underwear, he swallowed hard and blurted out, âyou know what? I think I will sit on the couch.âÂ
He awkwardly got up and went over to find another seat away from her lingerie and she smiled at his response. Samâs cell phone rang and he pulled it out to answer.
Rileyâs voice came through the line before he could even speak. âLet me guess, youâre trying to think of something to say to her and sitting all the couch like a scared teenager,â she teased.
âDid you find Kurt?â
âNuh-uh. Dude hasnât been in for the last week. Boss says heâs M.I.A. But, because Dean and I are just so freaking good, we got a line on where we might be able to find him.â
Sam could hear the familiar squeak of the doors as Riley and Dean got into the Impala.
âWhatâs she wearing?â Dean shouted loud enough for Sam to hear.
âBye, guys.â Sam hung up immediately after, returning to his uncomfortable situation and fiddling with his hands.
Madison walked over to the couch and sat beside him before picking up the remote and turning on a soap opera.Â
Sam made a face, obviously unhappy with her choice.
âI saw that,â she teased.
He tried to play innocent. âWhat?â
âOkay, hereâs the deal,â Madison smiled. âMy house, my TV, and I never get to watch my show. So, suck it up.â
------
The credits from the daytime drama rolled as Sam sat on the couch completely riveted. âWait, wait--okay, so just to get back at him, Kendall married Ethanâs father?â
âMm-hmm. And now? All those casinos that Ethan is supposed to inherit? Theyâll all go to her.â
âWhat a bitch!â Sam said emphatically before they both started laughing.
âAdmit it. Youâre hooked.â
âNo, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldnât say Iâm hooked.â Madison giggled at Samâs words. âYou know, can I ask you a question? Itâs--it's a little personal.â
âYouâve seen my entire underwear collection. Go ahead.â
He smiled and nodded. âOkay, umâŠwell, youâre--you're clearly smart. I mean, your house is full--is full of great books, you know? And youâre independentâŠâ Sam trailed off before looking over at her. âWhat were you doing with Kurt?â
After a pause, Madison shook her head. âI donât know. I mean, itâs not like he introduced himself, like, âhi, Iâm possessive and controlling and I like to punch people. Wanna be my girlfriendâ?â The two laughed again as Sam nodded lightly. âI mean, we all make mistakes, but mineâs wanted by the police.â She took a beat again before becoming more serious. âYou wanna know why I stayed with him? Really? ...I was too insecure to leave.â
âI find that hard to believe. I mean, you donât really seem like the type.â
âYeah, well, some stuff happened. My life changed, I changed--for the better, I think.
âWhat happened?â
âWell, for one thing, I got mugged.â
Sam was taken back and smiled, surprised by her answer. âAnd thatâs supposed to be a good thing?â
âNow, donât get me wrong,â she started. âIt rattled the crap outta me. But I kinda had an epiphany. I could either take control of my life or keep feeling sorry for myself. First thing I did was tell Kurt that it was time for him to go.â
âSmart move.â
âApparently, after that? Things just kind of blossomed. All of it really has been kind of wonderful.â When Sam shrugged, she asked with a smile, âwhat? Doesnât everyone think that the best thing that ever happened to them was some random, crazy act of violence?â
Sam laughed. âNot usually, but youâre--unusual,â he added awkwardly.
âUnusual like...â she circled her finger, pointing at her head in a funny gesture as to say âcrazyâ. âThat kind of âunusualâ?â
âNo, no, no, no, noâŠâ he replied earnestly. âUnusual like...impressive.â Sam looked at her like he hadnât looked at another woman in longer than he could remember.
â...really?â Madison tried to hide her desire to grin, completely flattered, before softly asking, âyou think so?â
Samâs phone rang, interrupting their moment and he smiled, apologetically. âHey.â
âI found him,â Dean told him over loud club music. He was sitting in a private booth of a strip club with Riley as his eyes landed on Kurt who was drinking a beer.
âGood. Donât take your eyes off him,â Samâs voice echoed from the other end of the line.Â
Dean ended the call as Riley gave him a flirty look. âWhatâs going on in that little mind of yours?â
âWellâŠâ Riley got up and straddled Dean with her arms around his neck.Â
His hands went to her waist and gripped at her hips as his breath hitched.Â
âWeâre in a strip club and youâre trying not to look at naked women because of me. Least I can do is make sure you get a little showâŠâ She bit her lip and played with the back of his neck.Â
Dean beamed and he suddenly got antsy in his seat as she took off her jacket, revealing her low cut, black tank top. Her lace bra poked out the top just enough to be the perfect tease.
As she began to slowly grind on his lap to the music, Dean tried to hide the groan that tried to claw its way out of his throat. Their jeans rubbed together in the most perfect way as the heat between them rose.Â
Riley could see him begin to wiggle underneath him and she grinned before leaning into his ear. âGood thing the musicâs loud,â she whispered. âWouldnât want anyone else knowing youâre gonna be getting a strip club âhappy endingâ.â She softly nibbled his ear and that moan finally escaped him.
Dean grabbed her backside and encouraged her grinding as he looked her in her eyes intently. âGod, I love you.â
âI love you too. Hey, donât forget to keep an eye on the creep alright?â she reminded him.
âRight--right.â Dean almost moaned as his mouth found her neck. âWeâre on a job and I take my work...very seriously,â he mumbled into her skin.
------
Riley and Dean had followed Kurt back to his apartment building. It was night and they leaned against a large dumpster in the alley below as they watched for anything to happen. Loud music came from Kurtâs place and the lights were all still on.
Loading her gun with a silver bullet, Riley cocked it. She gazed up at the apartment and then back at Dean who was pouting.
âI get five minutes in a booth with you and the guy takes off,â he complained with a huff. âYou know itâs been over a week since weâve had time alone together? Iâm dying over here.â
She chuckled. âIâm sorry. I didnât mean to be such a tease--thought for sure weâd have more time.â
âYeah, well...you better be ready when the opportunity presents itself because you started something and Iâm fucking finishing it.â
Riley bit her lip and met his eyes. âMmâŠâ she mewed. âBetter keep that promise.â
Grabbing the back of her head as his fingers tangled into her hair, Dean pulled her in for a passionate and heated kiss.Â
Not more than a few seconds later, a loud crash of glass shattering came from above them and they turned to the sound as the lights above turned off.
âWhat that fuck?â Dean muttered before they both ran towards the entrance of the building in a sprint.
After they had climbed the stairs and finally reached the apartment, Dean kicked open the door with he and Riley holding their guns ready.Â
He glided in first, clearing the room as she covered his back. They split up as Dean went into the bedrooms and Riley into the kitchen. She slowed down as she heard a loud crunching coming from just ahead.
Riley peered inside and lowered her gun in shock. On the floor, was Kurt. His chest was torn to shreds and a woman was feeding on his freshly dead corpse.Â
The creature heard the hunter and turned in her direction. Electric blue eyes with slanted pupils that resembled a cat, stared back at her. The creatureâs nails had grown long into deadly claws. Fierce, blood-stained teeth snarled harshly as flesh fell from her mouth. It was Madison.
âOh shitâŠâ Riley murmured under her breath. In that brief moment, the hunter could finally hear the growling inside the monster. It sounded more primal than anything she had ever heard before and it sounded hungry.
Before she could yell for Dean, Madison lunged at her and threw her against the wall. Riley grunted at the impact and fell to the ground. Her gun fell from her hand and out of her reach as her eyes began to close.
Dean rushed into the room at the commotion and found Riley and Kurtâs body on the floor. Whatever had been in the kitchen with them, had already fled. He fell to his knees by his girlfriendâs side with fear and dropped his gun. âSweetheart--Rye, you okay?â
Suddenly, there was a sound coming from behind him and when he spun around, Deanâs eyes widened as he saw Madison charging towards him. She had already been too close for him to react. The was no time to grab his gun before he was shoved across the room and hit the wooden floor.Â
The werewolf jumped on top of him and he struggled to hold her back as he pulled out a silver knife and sliced her arm.Â
Madison growled out loudly in pain before dashing towards the open window and disappearing into the night.
Dean had hit his head as well and the room began to grow dark around him. âRileyâŠâ he whispered before losing consciousness.
------
âDeanâŠâ Riley begged as she shook him. âDean, wake up.â
He slowly opened his eyes and saw her hovering above him as the soft morning light glowed on her face.Â
Riley sighed in relief and Dean instantly reached up for her.Â
âShit, are you alright?! I couldnât get to you. Madison...she came outta nowhere...â
Riley shushed him. âDean, itâs okay. Iâm okay.â
Dean grunted as he sat up, sore from the blow, but he had to get to Riley. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her close.Â
As though it had all finally come back to him, he pulled away and grabbed for his phone. âShit. I gotta call Sam.â
------
Sam walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a glass before turning on the faucet to get a glass of water. His lips met the rim and he drank while his cell phone rang. It was Dean.
âDean, are you guys okay?â
âYeah, now that weâre both conscious. The werewolf knocked us both out cold. Sam, itâs Madison.â
âWhat?!â Sam asked in shock. He walked into the living room and then down towards her bedroom and opened her door. She was sound asleep in her bed.
Riley stretched her neck and seethed through her teeth at the pain before yelling, ânice job keeping an eye on the girl, Sam!â
âIâve been here the whole time,â Samâs brow furrowed and he was more than taken back. âSheâs in bed, asleep.â
âWell, she wasnât a couple hours ago. Check her right arm below her elbow,â Dean pushed. âI nicked her with a silver knife.â
Sam hung up the phone and stood in Madisonâs room near the foot of her bed. She woke to the sound of his boots hitting the floor.
âGood morning,â she cooed. Sitting up to look at him, Madison realized she was naked, covered only by her bed sheet.Â
Sam could see the cut on her arm that Dean had described as she wrapped her arm over her chest.Â
âUm...where are my pajamas?âÂ
Shaken and clearly upset at what he had just discovered, Sam didnât say a word, only to leave the room and stomp off.Â
âSam?â she called. Madison wrapped a blanket around her and went after him. âSam, whatâs going on? Where are you going?â She walked into the living room to see him at the front door, locking it.
âIâm not going anywhere...and neither are you.â
------
After allowing her to get dressed, Sam had bound her wrists to a chair in the main room. He stood in front of her with a gun in hand and his arms slightly folded. Sam was so angry with himself for being so foolish. He kept telling himself that he should have known.
âYouâre psychotic,â Madison told him. âThe whole âIâm a copâ trick? God, Iâm so stupid.â
âWell, I guess neither of us are who we are we were, huh?â Sam snarked.
Fear filled Madison as she stared at the hunter and she fought back the urge to cry. âSam, youâre sick, okay? Youâre imagining things. Monsters donât exist, not really.â
âYou know what? Save the act.â
âItâs not an act!â she finally sobbed. âI am not a werewolf! Thereâs no such thing! Itâs made up, alright? Th--theyâre not real! You know theyâre not real!â
âNo?!â he snapped and pointed to her fresh wound. âThen where did that come from?â
âI donât know! Sam, God, you need help. Please, donât do something that youâre gonna regret. Iâm not what you think I am. Iâm not.â
Sam was visibly upset and shaking with both rage and pain after having developed feelings for her. There was a knocking at the door and he went to answer it.Â
Dean entered and Riley followed. The older brother smirked at Madison.
âHow you doinâ? My head feels great, thanks. By the way, youâre lucky I donât put a bullet in your right now for hurting her.â Dean threatened, pointing at Riley.
âWeâve gotta talk.â Sam brought his partners into the other room to talk in private. âShe says she has no idea what Iâm talking about.â
âSheâs lying.â
âOr, maybe she really doesnât know sheâs changing, you know? Maybe--maybe when the creature takes over, she blacks out.â
Annoyed with his brotherâs theory, Dean rolled his eyes. âLike a really hot Incredible Hulk? Come on, dude, she ganked her boss and her ex-boyfriend. That doesnât sound rash and unconscious.â
âYeah, but what if it was, Dean? I mean, what if some animal part of her brain saw both those guys as threats? Hell, the cop, too.â
âWhat are you, the Dog Whisperer now?â Riley asked with attitude.
âLook, I just...I donât know. There--there was something in her eyes.â
â...the look of a killer, mayhaps?â
âBut if she has no control over it--â
âExactly,â Dean agreed. âShe canât control it. Even if sheâs telling the truth, itâs not gonna change anything.â
âIâm not putting a bullet through some girlâs chest who has no idea whatâs happening.â
âSam, sheâs a monster and youâre feeling sorry for her?â
âMaybe I understand her.â Sam paused and his face softened with almost a pleading look. âLook, there might be another way we can get the job done without having to waste her.â He went over to his bag and pulled out Johnâs hunterâs journal.
Riley put up a hand to interrupt. âAnother way to stop a werewolf? Oh, this should be interesting.â
âDadâs theory--â The youngest Winchester read his fatherâs words. âLycanthropy might have a cure if you kill the werewolf who bit you, severing the bloodlineâ.
âMight have a cure.â Dean started. âMeaning âwho the fuck knows?â
âItâs worth a shot.â
Riley sighed heavily. She could feel Samâs emotions, how desperately he wanted to find an answer. She wanted more than anything for Sam to be happy, but sheâd be damned if heâd be with a werewolf.Â
Gently, Riley told him, âSam, where would we even start looking? I mean, the bitch that bit her could be long gone. Could be anyone...or anywhere. Madison could have been bitten years ago.â
Samâs eyes lit up with a realization. âNo. I donât think so.â He led them both back into the living room where Madison was still tied to the seat. âMadison, when were you mugged?âÂ
She just looked up at Sam, scared and hurt as she refused to comply.Â
âPlease. Itâs important, alright? Just answer the question.â
âAbout a month ago.â
âDid you see the guy?â
âNo. He grabbed me from behind.â
âDid he bite you?â
Madison looked at Sam as tears formed in her eyes. âOn--on the back of my neck. How did you know that?â
Showing that he meant her no harm, Sam made it clear to her that he was setting his gun down on the table and went behind her.Â
Brushing her hair away, he exposed a scarred lump the size of a golf ball on her neck. Riley and Dean joined him to see what he had found.
âOh, thatâs just a love bite,â Dean teased. âBelieve me, that could have been a lot worse. Actually, I think sheâs gotten worse,â he nodded in Rileyâs direction and smiled with pride.Â
Riley scoffed through a laugh and hid her face while Sam gave him a look urging him to move on.Â
Dean cleared his throat. âWhere were you at the time?â
âWalking home from a friendâs loft.â
âLet me guess, not too far from Hunterâs Point?â Dean asked as he circled her.Â
Madison nodded.
As the brothers motioned for them to all leave the room again to talk, Riley stood in her spot just looking at the woman who had attacked them only hours before. She was trying to penetrate her mind and see if she had been lying.Â
Unfortunately, it seemed that besides the animalistic noises that came from monsters; thoughts of creatures were much harder to read.
A minute more of focusing, Riley could finally hear her. âWhat is she looking at me like that for? Oh my god, theyâre gonna kill me. Theyâre all crazy. They really think Iâm a werewolf. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?â
The hunterâs face softened and her muscles relaxed. Riley turned on her heel to meet the boys. She swung open the kitchen door where Sam and Dean were talking.
Sam was finishing his thought. âThe same place where those other murders happened. Iâm telling you, itâs a werewolfâs hunting grounds.â
âMaybe,â Dean returned. âBut that doesnât mean itâs gonna be out there tonight.â
âYou guysâŠâ Riley said softly.
âItâs the right time of the lunar cycle,â Sam nodded. âLook, I know itâs a long shot.â
âGuysâŠâ she tried again.
âHey, youâre forgetting something. Maddieâs probably gonna turn soon, alright? We canât just let her take off to an all-you-can-eat buffet,â Dean snarked.
Riley huffed and raised her voice. âAlright, if you both donât listen to me right now, Iâm gonna start kicking your asses.âÂ
Sam and Deanâs eyes widened slightly as they both gave each other a look of âyikesâ.Â
She sighed, calming herself. âI got through to Madison. Yes, sheâs something you probably donât wanna feed after midnight, but she really doesnât know sheâs a werewolf.â
âWait, seriously?â Sam asked hopefully.
âYeah. She thinks weâre all nuts. The girl is scared out of her mind.â
âIâm gonna stay with her. You guys go.â
âAnd if she busts loose?â Dean waited for his brother to respond and when he didnât he grew more stern. âSam?â
Samâs voice broke a little as he told him, âIâll shoot her, okay? But Dean, I need you to go out there--at least go look for the thing. Guys, please. We can save this girl.â
Feeling everything that radiated from Sam, all the pain and desperation, Riley knew it was all so real for him. This wasnât just a crush. Sam felt something for Madison--something he hadnât felt in a long time and he wasnât ready to give it up.
âOkay,â Riley told him. âLetâs do it your way.âÂ
Dean was looking intently at his brother with worry and she reached for his hand.Â
âCome on, Dean,â she whispered as they both left.
When Sam went back into the living room, he saw Madison still in her chair, with tears running down her face. âPleaseâŠâ she begged through her sobbing. âPlease...just let me go.â
He sighed heavily and hated to see her in pain. The hunter grabbed a chair and pulled it closer so he could sit in front of her. âLookâŠâ Samâs tone was soft and gentle. âI know youâre scared. I also know that thereâs no way in hell youâre gonna believe me. But Iâm doing this because Iâm trying to help you. Iâm not gonna lie, alright? The odds arenât exactly in our favor. But, if this goes the way I pray it does...Iâll untie you, and Iâll walk out that door, and Iâll never come back. Youâll live the rest of your life,â his voice was almost at a whisper as he felt the lump in his throat grow and tears forming at his eyes. â...and Iâll just be a bad memory.â
------
Sam stood looking out the window, his heart heavy with guilt. He gazed at the moon as itâs light softly glowed on him and the curtains of the windows.
Hearing something behind him, he turned to see Madison. Her fingernails began to grow before his eyes and stretched into long claws.Â
Madisonâs eyes changed to a bright blue and her teeth had suddenly become monstrous. She growled as she bared her hungry fangs and ripped through the restraints that held her down, releasing herself. The now turned werewolf went straight for the hunter.Â
Her claws met Samâs cheek and tore through his skin. Madisonâs strength was enough to send him to the ground onto his belly.Â
Sam quickly got up and drew his weapon.
He couldnât shoot her. He wouldnât shoot her. There had to be another way to buy some time.Â
Sam backed up as Madison eased towards him with her mouth drooling, ready to rip him apart and devour him.Â
Realizing there was a door to her bedroom behind him, he pulled it open as she lunged in his direction. Immediately, Sam slammed the door shut behind her and pushed the entertainment center in front of it.Â
The door rattled and shook as the creature inside banged and fought to free itself.
------
In a dark alley in Hunterâs Point, Riley and Dean had been canvassing the area. The night was still as they stayed quiet and vigilantly looked for the creature they hoped to find. They wouldnât be splitting up this time.
A blood-curdling scream came from nearby and the hunters sped in its direction. Their hearts beat fast and their breaths quickened as their boots rapidly hit the street.Â
Dean and Riley stopped when they saw a blonde woman screaming for help with a man on top of her. He was growling, had massive claws, and his fangs were ready to feast.
Being quick at the draw, they both fired two shots each directly into the werewolfâs chest. He jolted at each bullet and then collapsed beside the woman as he began to cough up blood.Â
The blonde, scared and shaken, got up and ran off.
âYouâre welcome!â Dean shouted.
Riley scurried over to the defeated creature knowing exactly who it was. It was Glen, Madisonâs neighbor. She knew then why she felt that strange feeling coming from him before.Â
As she looked down at him, Riley crouched nearer as his eyes and teeth returned to their human state.
Blood poured from his mouth and his body shook in shock. âIt happened...again,â Glen choked. âWhere am I? H--help me. Oh, God. Oh my God.â
Closing her eyes, Riley went to touch his arm.Â
Dean blurted, âRye, donât.â
âItâs okay, Dean...heâs not gonna hurt me.â She focused all her energy and thought, âplease, let me at least do this right.âÂ
Riley reached into him and brought about thoughts of better times into his mind. Her abilities helped ease Glenâs moment of terror as flashes of childhood memories swam through him. There was a brief smile as he released his final breath.Â
That breeze of death that Riley had begun to expect blew through her as his soul left his body.
------
Madison awoke in the comfort of her bed. The morning birds sang as she opened her eyes and looked towards the doorway, there was Sam. The door had nearly been torn apart with claw marks leaving it completely destroyed.
âIt should be over now.â Samâs eyes flooded and he sniffled. âYouâll never see me again.â
She slowly got up and surveyed her bedroom. All the furniture and walls were ruined beyond recognition. Scratches and tears ripped through everything she owned.
As her eyes went back to find Sam, he was already gone.
------
âItâs sad actually,â Dean started as they all sat in the Impala outside Madisonâs home. âGlen had no clue what was going on. Hey, why do you guys think he didnât kill Madison? I mean, why turn her?â
Sam stared up at the house, still wishing he could go back inside. âI think he had a thing for her.â
There was a silence that fell in the car and Riley shifted to look at Sam who sat in the back seat. âSam, what about Madison?â
âWhat about her?â
âOh, come on. I know how you feel about her. I can feel it practically seeping out of you. With how strong these feelings are, hell, I miss her.â
âWhat do you want me to do, Rye? She thinks Iâm a fucking lunatic.
Dean shrugged. âYou saved her life, man.â
âShe doesnât know that.â
Madison appeared at the window beside them. âYou know, for a stake-out, your carâs a little conspicuous. What are you still doing here?â
âHonestly?â Dean replied. âUh--weâre pretty sure youâre not gonna turn tonight, but weâve gotta be a hundred percent, so, you know, weâre...lurking.â
Riley gave Dean a look and slapped his arm. âYouâll have to excuse my boyfriend. His mouth tends to run away from him.â
âI know this sounds crazy,â Sam told her with hopeful eyes just happy to see her again.
âSure does.â Madison paused with a sigh. âSo, you were telling the truth werenât you? About everything. You were just trying to protect meâŠâ
Sam nodded softly. âYeah.â
She wasnât ready to let him go. Sam already meant more to her than Madison cared to admit. âWell, if weâre gonna wait it out...we might as well do it together.â
------
Just short of twenty-four hours later, the hunters had waited out the next long night. All four watched from the large window in front of the house as the sun rose over the horizon.Â
Madison had made it through the night without turning.
âDoes--does this mean it worked?â Madison asked eagerly.
The tense muscles Sam had carried over the last two days finally relaxed as he looked at her. âYeah. I think so.â
She sighed in relief, âoh my God. Thank you. Thank you so much.â Madisonâs arms wrapped around Sam in a warm and grateful embrace.Â
Wanting to be recognized as well, Dean cleared his throat and she turned to face him with a smile.Â
âYes, you too, Dean...and of course Riley. Thank you.â
âAw, donât mention it,â Dean told her as if her words werenât necessary.
There was an awkward pause in the room and Riley could hear Samâs thoughts. âGod, are they ever going to leave? Jesus.âÂ
Following immediately after was Madisonâs. âTheyâre not gonna want to stay, right?âÂ
Riley clapped her hands together. âSo, Dean, I think itâs time you and I head back to the motel room.â She smirked and put an arm around his waist.
Deanâs arm dropped down over her shoulders and he shot her a playful look. âOh, that is most definitely true. Weâll, uh--weâll just leave you two kids to it.â As he and Riley walked towards the door, Dean pumped his fist up in the air as a signal to Sam before the couple disappeared behind the closing door.
âThat was smooth,â Madison joked with a laugh.
Sam was mortified by his big brother. âHe means well, butâŠâ
âYou mean, he thinks youâre gonna get laid.â
âLook, I--â
âSam,â she said shaking her head. âItâs alright.â
âNo. I know I scared the shit out of you, alright? I--I mean, I tied you to a chair.â
âThatâs right up there with me scratching up your face.â
âThereâs just no way...we could go back, you know? Before it happened.â
âYouâre right. Thereâs just no way.â
The two stood in front of each other fighting every urge they had for the other. Samâs heart beat hard in his chest as he stared into her brown eyes. wanting her more than anything.Â
Madison bit her bottom lip and after a moment, she surrendered and kissed him.Â
Immediately responding, Sam pushed her against the wall as they kissed passionately.Â
They stripped each other of their clothing and made their way to the bedroom, falling back onto the bed. The fireplace glowed through the room and danced on their skin as the couple went back and forth over who would pin down the other.Â
Sam kissed every part of her body in earnest and he bit at her neck and ear. Pulling her up and into his lap, Sam brought them together as they both moaned out in unison.Â
It was better than Sam had even imagined. They rocked together before he laid them down and continued to give himself to her as he groaned into her neck.Â
Throughout the day and into the night, Sam and Madison continued to make love again and again as they let go of all they had been holding back. Finally, they both fall asleep in each otherâs arms, completely content.
------
The door to the motel room swung open and hit the wall as Dean and Riley came through, already kissing each other in hunger.Â
Dean kicked the door closed behind them, never breaking away from her. Both went to work quickly undressing the other as their lips clung together. Dean picked her up and held her tightly under her upper thigh as her legs wrapped around him. Carrying her over to the bed, he sat on the edge as Riley slowed them down and gazed deep into his eyes.Â
They drank each other in as she lowered herself onto his lap and Deanâs jaw went slack as he moaned deep from his chest.Â
Rileyâs head fell back as she lost herself in everything he was and his mouth went to her exposed chest and neck.
After a few moments, Dean picked her up once again and flipped her onto the bed never releasing their bond. He grabbed the headboard and forced himself as far as he could as Riley moaned his name.
âLook at meâŠâ he whispered through a grunt. Their eyes met again and they both shook with pleasure. âI love you.â
Panting, Riley fought to catch her breath. âI love you, Dean.â
------
The next morning, Riley and Dean laid together in bed, tangled in each other. Riley traced her fingers on his chest and he rubbed her back as the silent minutes passed peacefully.
âDean,â Riley picked up her head and placed her chin onto his chest and he lovingly looked back at her. âI have to tell you something.â
âOkayâŠâ He brushed her hair behind her ear.
Closing her eyes to gain her courage she took a deep breath. âThe Demon. He came to me in my dreams.â
Deanâs eyes grew. âWhat? When did that happen?â
âActually...it happens almost every night.â
âWhy didnât you tell me? What does he say?â
âThat Iâm special and Iâm not like the rest.â Tears welled in her eyes. âDean, he said heâs coming for me.â
Dean quickly sat up to lean against the headboard and pulled her up with him before holding her chin in place for their eyes to lock. âI wonât let that happen. Do you hear me? Iâm gonna keep you safe.â
âDean...what if you canât? What if Sam was right? Maybe this is our destiny.â
âNo.â Deanâs voice was stern and adamant. âYou and Sam? Youâre all that matters to me. There is nothing and no one that will ever take either of you away from me. I will burn the world to the ground before I let you go.â His hands found both sides of her face as he kissed her hard and fervently. âIf youâre in this with me, Rye...then itâs till the end.â
Rileyâs hand sat on top of his as it cupped her cheek and she sniffled back her tears. â...till the end,â she whispered. She looked towards the door and her brow furrowed as she focused on a feeling nearby. âSamâŠ?â
There was a loud bang at the door and Dean grabbed a sheet to cover himself as he went to answer. The banging continued relentlessly. âIâm coming!â he yelled.
When he opened the door, there stood Sam, completely breathless and panicked. âShe--she turned.â
âWhat?!â
âI couldnât grab her in time. Sheâs out there somewhere.â
âWeâll find her, Sammy,â Dean offered in comfort. He turned around to run back inside for his clothes while Riley was already half-dressed and hurrying to go.
------
Sam, Dean, and Riley all hurried down the stairs from the China Sea Motel. The cold wind blew through them and Rileyâs hair flew slightly behind her.
âI already called Bobby,â Sam started. âHe doesnât know anything. Well, except he knew that severing bloodlines doesnât work. All our connections agree with him too. Itâs completely impossible to reverse.â
Riley shook her head. âBut it doesnât make any sense. Why didnât she turn during the night when we were all with her?â
âThereâs gotta be a way to help her--some legend or something with answers.â
âIf there was, donât you think someone we know would have known it?â Dean asked.
âWell, we just have to look harder until we fucking find something!â
Dean put his hand out and stopped Sam so he could look him in the eye. âSam, I donât think we got a choice here anymore. I mean, sheâs a sweet girl and I hate to say it, but part of her is--â
âEvil?!â Sam interjected. âYeah, thatâs what they say about me, Dean! And Riley! So, us you wonât kill, but her youâre just gonna blow away?âÂ
Samâs phone rang and he answered with a scoff still frustrated with Dean. He didnât get a word in before someone spoke through the line. âMadisonâŠ? Where are you?â he questioned in a panic.Â
His brother and sister both looked at him, anxiously awaiting answers.Â
âOkay, Maddie, stay there. Weâre coming to get you.â
------
The hunters sat at Madisonâs dining room table with her and listened to her tell her story of the night before. Samâs eyes refused to leave her face as he felt a swell of emotions for her.Â
Riley had to close her eyes and focus to keep his pain from consuming her along with Madisonâs own fear and guilt.Â
The gun that sat on the table felt like a dark cloud that hung over them all.
âI donât remember anything,â Madison recounted to the others. âI probably killed someone last night. Didnât I?â
âI donât think thereâs any way to know that yet,â Riley replied in a soothing voice.
âIs there something else we can try to make it go away?â
Sam refused to give up on her. There had to be a way. âWeâll find something. I mean, thereâs gotta be some answer--somewhere.â
Interrupting, Dean looked at the scared woman and shook his head. âThatâs not entirely true. Madison, you deserve to know. Weâve scoured every source. Thereâs just no cure.â
She turned to Sam in desperation. âIs--is he right?â
The young Winchesterâs jaw clenched and he felt he would explode in pain as he stood and turned away. A lump in his throat grew so large he could hardly swallow.
âWell, we could lock you up at night,â Dean offered hesitantly. âBut...you bust out, and some night you will, someone else dies. Iâm sorry. I am.â
Madison began to cry and exhaled heavily. âSo, I guess thatâs all there is to it, then.â
Shocked at her response, Sam spun around to look at her. âStop it,â he told her. âDonât talk like that.â
âSam, I donât want to hurt anyone else.â Her voice broken as her gaze met his. âI donât wanna hurt you.â Madison picked up the gun and walked over to Sam.
âPut that down.â
âI canât do it myself.â She handed him the gun and swallowed hard. âI need your help.â
âMadison, no.â
âSam...Iâm a monster.â
Samâs breaths grew harder and harder to catch as their conversation went on. âYou donât have to be. We can find a way, alright? I can. Iâm gonna save you.â
Crying even harder, she pleaded with the hunter. âYou tried. I know you tried. But this is all there is left. Help me, Sam. I want you to do it. I want it to be you.â
âI canât,â he said firmly.
Tears streamed down Madisonâs face and rolled down her neck. âI donât wanna die. But I canât live like this. This is the way you can save me. Please. Iâm asking you to save me.â
Sam shook his head, unable to find any more words.Â
Riley had a tear falling down her face as she touched Deanâs shoulder. âYou have to help him. He canât do this, Dean. Itâll kill him.â
Dean looked to her and acknowledged the thought as he got up slowly and moved closer to the couple. He delicately took the gun from Madisonâs hand and Sam walked to the kitchen.Â
She stood in the spot where he left her as Riley and Dean followed Sam into the other room.
Samâs lips and jaw trembled as he choked back his tears. His partners silently entered and walked over to him.
âSam,â Dean said behind him gently. âIâm sorry.â
With tears filling his eyes, Sam turned around to look at them and his face quickly grew wet as his heart broke to pieces. âNo, youâre right. Sheâs right.â
âSammy, I got this one. Iâll do it.â
âShe asked me to.â
Riley tried so hard not to cry and be strong for Sam. But, the pain that broke through him hit her chest so hard it took the wind out of her. His suffering was so immense and she couldnât fix it.Â
Trying to bring him comfort wouldnât help, telling Sam it was going to be okay wouldnât do anything. Rileyâs tears fell as she reached for his arm. âYou donât have to do this, Sammy.â
Sam sobbed. âYes, I do. Please.â He held out his hand with tears streaming down his face, waiting for the gun.Â
Dean finally obliged and placed it in his brotherâs shaking hand.Â
âJust wait here.â As Sam went to the doorway, he glanced back at Riley and Dean, his face soaking wet and his chest rising and falling rapidly. He then turned and slowly stepped back into the living room.
With Sam out of the room, Riley lost control of her abilities. Samâs emotions were too strong and they overwhelmed her in a way she had never felt from someone else before.Â
Rileyâs knees buckled and Dean caught her as she wept. âI--I canâtâŠâ she uttered through her tears. âIt hurts so much. Sam--heâŠit hurts, DeanâŠâ
Wrapping his arms around her, Dean held her tight against his chest. He kissed her head as a tear ran down his own cheek. âFocus on me. Stay here with me.â
Riley tried to listen to Deanâs heartbeat and drown out the agony in the air, but it was useless. The sound of a single gunshot went off and the two flinched. Not able to fight it anymore, Riley went nearly limp in Deanâs chest and wailed silently into him.
Her brotherâs heartbreak was her own as the wind was knocked from her chest. It felt as though she was dying, like she would never fully breathe again. It was pure and unimaginable suffering that she couldnât shut out. If that was what he was feeling, how could Sam ever come back from this?
Sam swore he would save Madison, only in the end, he couldnât.Â
Deanâs promise echoed through Rileyâs mind in that deafening silence. Maybe her fate would be the same, her light snuffed out by the man she cared for most; a tragic love story to which there would be no happy ending, only darkness and death.
------
S2 Chapter 11: What is and What Should Never Be
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Tainted Blood, Tainted Soul: Chapter Twenty-five - Last-ditch Efforts
A/N: Happy Sunday, everyone, and a happy long weekend to all those with one! Mine is a busy one; personal projects, dinner with the in-laws, and moving furniture that has been at my mother's for far too long. Thank you all for being so patient with the lack of a chapter last week; with the death of my laptop and an influx of work at my job, things got pretty busy and I was just too tired to write when I got home. Hopefully this chapter makes up for it a little. Enjoy!
I do not own FMA.
Chapter Twenty-five - Last-ditch Efforts
UNINHABITED ZONE OUTSKIRTS, JADAD, ISHVAL
2327 HOURS, APRIL 24TH
Nearly two hours, and she hadn't said a word.
Roy had expected that his Lieutenant could be as tight-lipped as a clam â especially about the nature of their relationship â and there had been no reason to think that the vampire version of her would be any different. They had asked her questions, but none of her responses had been anything remotely resembling an answer.
She hadn't been silent, by any means. Roy's first question, a very calm, simple "Will you let me speak to my Lieutenant?" had been rebuffed by a stream of invective so blistering and colourful that he had to question where Riza had heard half the words for the vampire to recall. He had been thunderstruck, Miles had flushed red, and all further questioning was left to Scar, who had appeared only slightly taken aback.
He sat just outside the circle that held the vampiress captive, his hands resting on the ankles of his crossed legs. Miles and Roy had retreated to the second floor wraparound balcony, where they could observe without being intrusive as Scar calmly asked questions. He spoke languidly, red eyes watching her every move. Each question was followed by a pause of several minutes, giving her ample time to answer or make another snappish remark.
"He's good," Roy commented in a near whisper, so the vampiress' hearing would be less likely to pick it up. "Most other interrogators I've known would lose their patience after half an hour of stonewalling like this. He's as together as ever."
"I'm not sure," Mikes murmured back, "but I think he might be meditating in between questions." He pointed to where Riza was slowly prowling back and forth across the circle with the air of a caged tiger. "If I had to guess, I'd say he's counting her footsteps, using it like a mantra. Counting like that is a common enough technique in a warrior's training, at least according to what I've heard."
Looking over, idly curious, Roy asked, "Did you have any Ishvalan warrior training before you enlisted? Seems like the sort of thing that might come in handy."
Miles was already shaking his head. "My grandfather only passed down traditions and culture. He wasn't a warrior himself, so he didn't know all their ways, just bits and pieces, here and there. They keep most of their training practices to themselves." A smile tugged at his mouth. "It's not exactly top secret, but they don't shout it from the rooftops, either."
"I see." Turning his gaze back to the pacing vampiress below, Roy suppressed a shiver. It had always been clear how much danger that lithe frame held in this form; every graceful, sinuous movement telegraphed it. Now, however, what had been a low warning hum was an alarm klaxon on full volume. Much as he trusted the charms around all their necks, it felt safer to have the invisible barrier of the circle. And speaking of the charmsâŠ.
"If she won't answer questions in this form, she'll likely do it as herself." He frowned. "The question is how to get the charm around her neck without getting bitten."
Miles shook his head again. "I can't help you there. You have the most face-to-face experience with this particular lady, not to mention the Lieutenant. We're relying on you to tell us if, when we get Lieutenant Hawkeye back, the vampire personality starts to take over again." One shoulder rose and fell in a half-shrug. "Though I agree, the trick is going to be getting the charm around her neck in the first place."
"At the moment, all I can think of is to tackle her, all three of us, and one of us slips the charm over her head." He watched her pacing for another moment, then got to his feet. "Of course, we could always try the direct approach." He gestured for Miles to stay seated as the Ishvalan man made to rise. "This is something I should do myself. It's going to call for a high amount of risk, and I won't ask anyone to shoulder that. Not this time."
He made it a handful of steps toward the stairs before a loud thud sounded from the roof, beyond the tarpaulins that stretched overhead.
Tension would not allow her to sit still, would not allow her to stand her ground and stare down the red-eyed man gazing at her with steady calmness. It was a calm she herself was having trouble holding onto. It was somewhat concerning, considering that this new form was capable of such stunning anger she had yet to plumb the depths of. If she let loose with it in a space she had no ready way out of, she might just end up injuring herself.
"What has Kimblee said about his long-term plans?" Scar intoned, his voice as serene and cold as a glacier.
"Eat shit," she spat, glaring daggers at the man. First, his temple's blasted blessed sand had burned her hands, then the priest had done⊠whatever it was that a yantir consisted of. Whatever the blue light was that also hurt⊠and then the Colonel had pulled his little stunt with that ludicrous fashion nightmare of a charm. Now he was sitting up there on the second level with that Miles character, the two of them whispering like schoolgirls at a slumber party.
Reaching up, she rubbed her forehead, turning to pace back across the diameter of the circle. Whatever sorcery was at work in the thing affected her like the one from the yantir had not. It left her thoughts feeling sluggish, with slight pressure close to her eyes as though she were developing a sinus headache. Granted, the whole charade could be classified as a headache in and of itself.
"Has Kimblee killed any other people than the ones we know about?" Scar asked, his voice never wavering from monotonous and steady.
"Probably you," she shot back, coming to a stop. "You just don't realize you're dead yet."
"A man who discards his name is dead in the eyes of God," he countered blandly.
Ignoring him, she looked up as Roy got to his feet, starting for the stairs. Either coming to join in on the amateurish grilling session, or to take over. Well, he was welcome to try; he'd get no farther than his reluctant partner.
She was just concocting the perfect blend of insult and invective to hurl Roy's way once he came down when there was a highly noticeable thud from the roof.
Riza's head snapped back, her circle-dulled senses straining for the aura of the man who must have just arrived⊠there. It was fuzzy, as though the rippling water cover Kimblee had once applied to his face was now cloaking his thoughts. He detected her wavering mental touch, returning reassurance and assertions of hope.
She rolled her eyes and began pacing once again; she needed no sympathy from him. She wasn't even sure she needed help to escape this circle. All she really did need was for one of her third-rate 'captors' to get just the slightest bit carelessâŠ.
After the initial sound of the roof landing, silence resumed in the courtyard, broken only by the urgent murmurings from Roy and Miles. The Major got to his feet, moving to the railing, his fingers curling around the wrought iron. Riza's eyes flicked from him to the circle etched in the sand on the ground⊠no, he wasn't inside it. Pity; she could have had control of this situation now, instead of having to wait.
At the very least, the waiting period for Kimblee to make his entrance was not long at all. He appeared in a doorway on the opposite side of the courtyard from where Roy and Miles stood, his black suit buttoned neatly and his hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail. His smile was thin and icy as he stared down his three enemies.
"Gentlemen," he purred in a dangerous tone. His purpled eyes glinted in the shadows. "Interesting setup you have here. I expected I'd be able to come down through the centre, but aside from the tarp cover, you seem to have found a way to create invisible barriers." His gaze went from Miles to Scar with cold disdain. "Ishvalan devilry of some kind, no doubt."
"If it were devilry, you'd have no trouble with it," Roy quipped. "It's the divine that's causing you problems."
The cold gaze went back to him, and Riza watched as Kimblee's lip pulled back in a sneer. "And yet you put your dear Lieutenant at the centre of it? You defy your usual reputation for taking care of your subordinates, Colonel."
The anger was evident in Roy's face, his fingers gripping the wrought iron railing of the balcony hard enough to turn the knuckles white. "The way I see it, by keeping her away from you, I am taking care of her, which is a damn sight more than you've ever done for anyone. All you've ever done is cause death, despair, and destruction wherever you go, for superiors and subordinates alike."
Again, the cold smile stretched Kimblee's lips in an expression that was more grimace than anything else. He held up his hands, palms outward to show the tattoos that stood out starkly on the pale skin. "That is the name of my proverbial game, Mustang."
Stopping just below where they stood on the balcony, Riza watched as Roy's eyes locked on those tattoos, his eyes widening slightly. Oh⊠he forgot about thoseâŠ. A kind of malicious glee spread hot and constricting across her chest, making her want to giggle, but she held it back. She still believed she didn't need Kimblee's help to escape this⊠but perhaps she would allow him to help her.
Refusing to back down, even in the face of this new threat, Roy's eyes narrowed, glaring at his old enemy. "And you don't have any principles to stop you from using your alchemy in a place where the native people hate it," he countered. Defiantly, he folded his arms, chin held high. "I'll fight you one-on-one any other time or place, but just now, I'm a little busy." He indicated Riza with a small tilt of his head. "If and when I'm free, though, since my hosts don't like alchemy, I'll have to save my flames for another time."
A humourless laugh rasped harshly in Kimblee's throat. "You always were the holier-than-thou type. Nice to know that some personalities only get better with age."
Her current spot had left her close enough now to hear the quiet comment of "Sir, are you sure about this?" from Miles. Concern was heavy in his voice, his eyes steady and wary on Kimblee. "If he brings the building down â"
"He won't," Roy responded, then raised his voice. His dark eyes were as hard as two chips of obsidian, confident and cold in d the flickering torchlight. "That's the thing about coming after old adversaries, isn't it. You forget that there's a good chance they know all your tricks." A smirk tugged at his lips. "And the Kimblee I remember was more about going straight for that all-important explosion, not bandying words with his intended victims." One eyebrow lifted. "So where's the explosion?"
The vampire's jaw clenched visibly, his cheeks flushing a dark crimson in fury. His tattooed hands clenched into fists, then relaxed again, clearly looking to be wrapped around Roy's neck. Riza held her breath, waiting to see what the outcome would be. Roy was calling an extremely dangerous bluff and if he pushed it too farâŠ.
Wordlessly, Kimblee brought his palms together in a dark parody of Edward Elric or even Roy's own newfound circleless alchemy. Without taking his glaring eyes from Roy, he clamped his left hand to the doorjamb. Riza tensed, heard the hissing intake of breath from MilesâŠ.
And nothing happened.
Her head whipped around to Roy as he spoke, her heightened hearing catch the faint, relieved waver in his otherwise steady tone, and her sharp eyes picking up the slightest tremble in the hand he laid casually on the railing. "What's the matter? Cat got your alchemy?"
"Please stop goading him," Miles murmured, nearly inaudibly, and Riza almost agreed with him. Roy was walking an already precariously thin line that was starting to narrow and, sooner of later, he was going to slip off of it.
Finally, she broke her silence, taking a pair of steps forward to address Kimblee directly. "If you're holding back so that I don't get caught in whatever blast you conjure, don't bother." When his gaze shifted to her, still unreadable, she shrugged. "It would break the circle and then I'd be free to escape on my own."
"That's not why there was no blast."
She looked back, annoyed at Roy's interruption. "No offense, Colonel, but I'm ready to leave and its clear I'll have to make my own exit, so if you would very kindly butt out?"
The look he gave her was cold. "He isn't holding back out of fear of hurting you. I thought he might be, at first, but you have to remember that he has the same basic disregard for others that he had in his human life. It would mean literally nothing if he took you out in a blast, as long as he got at least one of us as well." His eyes narrowed. "So if he isn't using his alchemy, it's because he can't."
An ominous silence descended on the courtyard, broken only by the crackling of the torches as they burned. Roy stared down Kimblee for a minute longer before turning and heading for the stairs once again. The vampire watched him go for a moment before drawing himself up to his full height.
"Alchemy may have been the flashier option for crushing you whelps," he growled, "but it's far from the only one."
The step forward that he took would have been menacing, had he not rebounded - like Riza had â off of an invisible barrier. He stood for a moment, looking perplexed, long, pale fingers reaching out to stroke the air. "âŠI had thought the barrier would be at the far edge of the walkway." His eyes flashed. "Else you would be leaving yourselves open to an attack from the Lieutenant in the centre."
"As well as attacks from the outside," Miles replied. He pointed across the yard to where the first floor walls met the stone bricks of the colonnade pathway. "So the circle holding the Lieutenant is inside another, larger circle⊠to keep you out."
Riza had begun looking for the second circle when Miles pointed, but the deep shadows inside the colonnade hid the telltale markings. She looked back over her shoulder as a footstep shuffled in the sand behind her. She turned fully as Roy stopped several feet away, his face impassive and a protection charm in his hand.
"Riza, if you're in there," he murmured, then hesitated, rephrasing. "âŠYou are in there. If you can hear me⊠you know I hate to do this, but it's the only way I can think of to get us started." He paused again, staring her in the eye. "Unless you'd like to just give up? Save me the trouble?'
A lot of things were starting to look better than facing down a doubtless angry, increasingly desperate, flame-wielding alchemist⊠but this was her vessel now, and she would fight to keep it. So she squared her shoulders, giving him a look of cool contempt. "Do your worst, but just remember who's waiting to come back if I tap out." Her teeth showed in a menacing, final grin. "Whatever you do to me, she'll be the one to feel it in the morning, so to speak."
"Duly noted."
She backed away when he came too close for the two charms â his and the one intended for her â to be easily bearable. Saliva flooded her mouth in preparation to vomit at the sheer repulsiveness, her shoulders rising with tension as she swallowed the urge to retch. The things smelled like three-day-old raw sewage under a hot sun next to a pile of pungent, rotting vegetation that housed a passel of roadkill skunks.
And they were wearing the thrice-blasted things like costume jewelry.
"I appreciate the thought, but what you've got there isn't really my style," she quipped, grinning though the expression held no strength. "I'm a gold and diamonds kind of girl."
He didn't answer, advancing on her with his lips set in a grim, determined line. There was nothing but resolve in those eyes, no pity, no sorrow, no reluctance⊠nothing that she could use to deter him, to sway himâŠ. She backed away steadily, mirroring his own footsteps, all in terrible, anticipatory silence.
And as her back fetched up against the invisible walls of the circle, she had to admit â however much she hated to â that, this time, she had no way out.
Reflexively, she lifted a hand to her mouth as the nausea swelled, her eyes closing as Roy drew closer, spreading the string of the charm wide to slip it over her head. "Just relax," he murmured, his tone lending no comfort to the comforting words. "It'll be over in seconds."
She took the advice just long to draw a pair of shallow breaths. Holding the second, her eyes flashed open in a hot glare to find him a mere two feet away. She dropped her hand, the fingers curving into rigid clawlike hooks. Teeth bared, she lung forward against him, her hands slipping past his arms to grope blindly for his throat.
Roy let out a surprised yell as he fell backward, her momentum carrying her with him. His voice cut off as he landed hard on his back, to be taken up again by Miles on the second floor. In her peripheral vision, Riza saw him grip the railing, saw Scar rocket to his feet, and ignored them both. Her fingers found purchase around his neck, her thumbs falling into alignment on either side of his windpipe.
Just like Gluttony, a memory whispered to her, though no remorse accompanied it. She knelt, straddling his chest, the two of them nose to nose, teeth gritted and cold dark eyes staring into furious amethyst. Miles was still shouting, Kimblee adding urging comments in between, Scar remaining silent but tense. She could feel Roy's pulse pounding under her palms, feel a bead of sweat trickling onto her fingers, the convulsive motions of his trachea as he struggled to draw breath â
And then, from the centre of her chest, there erupted a feeling of exploding hellfire.
She released him with a scream, backpedaling across the sand, clawing at the leather cord he had managed to slip over her head. The pouch bumped against her chest, the smell and its proximity burning her sinuses, throat, and lungs like acid. Gasping, she fell against the barrier, choking and gagging on the stench, a feeling like angry red sparks travelling over every inch of her skin.
Roy struggled onto all fours, watching her with wide eyes, one hand held to his reddened neck. He coughed, sucking in a gasping, desperate breath before his eyes narrowed. "Give⊠her⊠back," he rasped, the words tearing themselves from his voicebox. "She's not yours. Give her back."
Something like a thin sheet of rock crumbled inside her mind, and a raging presence roared out of an abyss darker than any moonless night. With unerring accuracy, it made straight for the vampiress' centre of focus, slamming against it with all the force of a battering ram.
In the last moment before she herself fell into the blackness of the mental chasm, the crumbled rock reforming over her, the vampiress cursed Roy Mustang in every way, shape, and form she knew.
One moment, the vampire was awake, snarling and spitting with nothing but murder and hatred in those purple eyes, and the next, she seemed to freeze, to totter⊠and then she collapsed lifelessly onto the sand.
In the second-floor doorway, his view partly obstructed by his inability to pass the outer barrier, Kimblee snarled softly, then whirled and stalked off along the hallway. His partner in bloodshed was temporarily disabled â yes, temporarily â but he still needed to feed. Whatever trouble she was in now, she would have to withstand it until tomorrow night, when he would be free to try to help her.
She should be reasonably safe, he told himself, emerging outside the house into the cool night air. They wouldn't hurt their precious Lieutenant, not even if she were harbouring the reanimated spirit of King Bradley himself.
His own survival, by rights, should be his top priority now. For the rest of the night, she was no longer his problem.
She came awake after only a few minutes, a cold sweat instantly prickling her skin and shivers beginning to wrack her. Riza didn't move, lying on her side in the sand, her eyes closed as she swallowed in disgust at the foul taste in her mouth. Her head ached, her muscles groaned from sustained tension, her jaw tight where it had been clenched. Everything just hurt. Even her hair hurt.
"Get a blanket," a hoarse voice rasped from nearby, movement shifting the sand beside her. A hand reached out, brushing back strands of hair â ow â from her cheek. The same voice spoke, in a near whisper this time. "Up you get, Whiskygirl. I know it's late, but you can't sleep here."
Forcing her eyes open, Riza squinted in the flickering light from a ring of torches, the juddering motion playing havoc with her retinas. A tiny groan escaped her throat, her hand rising to shade her eyes. The hand stroked her hair again, and, though the motion hurt even more, she twitched away from it.
"Don't do thatâŠ." Thanks to her sluggish mind and tongue, the words came out more like 'dohh do thaaaaaaaâŠ.'
"Sorry, sorry."
She angled her hand to block the light as she forced her eyes to move, searching out the face of the person beside her. He was blurry for a moment, the features slowly returning⊠but she recognized the relieved smile spreading across his face. "âŠRoy?" She managed to get his name out, but the next words were mangled again. "Whyyy y'soun'⊠âŠfffuuhâŠ"
He cocked his head slightly, listening as the smile faded. "âŠ'Why do I sound funny?'" he rasped, waiting until she nodded. "Don't worry about it. Just rest for a minute, get your bearings back. You â whoa!"
He scrambled back as she suddenly pushed up on one elbow, vomiting into the sand in front of her. With nothing in her stomach, all that came up was clear saliva and burning bile. With a weak cough, she spat and laid back on the sand, the shivering starting up again, stronger this time.
"Sorry," she mumbled.
A heavy blanket was draped over her, and she welcomed the weight and promise of warmth. A pair of arms slipped beneath her shoulders and the curve of her knees, bearing her smoothly aloft, blanket and all. Blinking to clear the blurriness from her eyes, she frowned as she concentrated on the face.
"âŠScar?"
"Don't speak," he answered gruffly, but there was no anger that she could detect in his voice. "You need to recover from the transition. Just rest."
The transition� It came trickling back in, the memories of the last⊠however long? Time didn't have much meaning when you were trapped inside your own mind, unable to break out. Riza took a deep breath and closed her eyes against the lingering nausea, willing herself not to be sick all over Scar. It was a rare show of the truly kind person he could be beneath the rough exterior, and she had no desire to pay him back in such a fashion.
She was vaguely aware, beyond trying to maintain control of her rebellious stomach, that they went upwards and along a hallway, where Miles joined them. Her foot gently bumped the edge of a door as Scar angled himself to pass through it, and then he was setting her down on something soft.
The room, when she opened her eyes again, was lit once again by torches, with no windows and only a single doorway for entrance. Three sleeping pallets were arranged on the wooden floorboards, two of them empty, and herself occupying the third. Cautiously, Riza sat up as Miles and Roy entered, pulling the blanket closer around her shoulders.
"Kimblee might still be waiting around," she warned, thankful that her tongue was finally getting control of itself again. Her words were understandable and becoming clearer. "It might be a good idea to stay as close to the circle â"
"There's one around the edge of this room," Miles assured her, pointing to the floor near one wall where the symbols flickered in the unsteady torchlight. "We thought it might take a lot longer to suppress your⊠alter ego, so we set this room up as a place to sleep or take a break, if we needed it."
Roy moved to settle on the left-hand edge of her pallet, dark eyes scrutinizing her closely. "How are you feeling now?"
She frowned at the fading but present rasp in his voice. "Improving. But you still haven't told me what's wrong with â" The memory, still fading in with the rest of them, caught in her consciousness and sent a jolt through her chest. She looked from the bright red spots on his throat to the tips of her own fingersâŠ.
"No permanent damage," he said quietly, knowing she had caught on. "And I'll take it up with the other you, if I'm unlucky enough to run into her again." His smile, when she looked up, was lopsided and boyish⊠but lacking in conviction. "I don't think you can actually be considered responsible."
Her own smile was just as unconvincing as his. "Yes, Officer, it's my car, but my friend was driving at the time of the accident."
"What do you remember?" Miles asked, seating himself cross-legged on the floorboards at the foot of the pallet. Scar had knelt to her right, far enough away to give her space, but close enough to strike should the vampire personality reassert itself.
"Everything, essentially." She settled herself comfortably, leaving the blanket draped over her shoulders like a large shawl, with her hands free to move as she spoke. "When I'm⊠the subconscious, I suppose, then it's not as though I'm asleep with no idea of what's happening. I still see everything that the vampire sees, but⊠as though at a distance. Something might be three feet in front of her, but to me, it looks like thirty."
"Tunnel vision?" Roy asked.
She considered that a moment, then nodded. "Something like that." Her lips pursed, briefly, concentrating on the strange experience. "That being said⊠I don't see it with my own eyes so much as⊠it's like an image projected in front of me in blackness. There's some kind of mental partitioning that separates one personality from the other; whichever one isn't currently in control is shut behind it until they can manage to break through."
"Speaking ofâŠ." Miles' eyes went to the charm around her neck. "The last time you had one of those, she came back fairly quickly after a brief exposure. You've held out for almost five minutes now; what's she doing?"
Riza shook her head. "She's not even trying. Having the charm in constant contact must be the key, because one touch only locks her away for so long." She lifted a hand to the pouch. "If I took this off, she'd be back in control within a minute."
"Any ill effects?" Scar put in, his bass rumble echoing off the stone walls.
"Aside from the transition? No." She shivered involuntarily, drawing the blanket a little closer. "I'm mostly just cold. My heart rate has been abnormally low for a day or two, so circulation alone hasn't been keeping me warm. There's a full-body ache, as well, but I suspect that's because I'm not built to run and climb along rooftops the way she likes to do." She paused, then added, "The vomiting was because of how she reacted the charm; she wasn't actually sick, but I was."
The men were quiet a moment, then Miles spoke again. "Do you feel up to answering the questions we put to her? We couldn't get any kind of answer, but if you can help�"
"If I know the answer, you'll have it."
Scar, as the former primary interrogator, took over. "What has Kimblee said of his long-term plans?"
"As far as he's said or as I know, he doesn't have any. He wasn't thinking of building some vampire army, or even just going on a killing spree. He just⊠woke up this way and has been making it up as he goes." She looked to Roy. "The whole reason he turned me was to get to you. To cause you pain and stress. He resents you and I both for Ishval, still. He's been carrying that grudge all this time."
His eyebrows lifted, but only briefly. "I shouldn't be surprised. Anyone who spoke out against him in those days was dealt with sooner or later. You and I just got the 'later,' apparently." He glanced at Scar, then back to her. "Tell him what the other you told me. About keeping the vampire population down."
"Oh. Yes." She turned toward the solemn warrior. "My⊠other self pointed out to Kimblee that, if he goes around Jadad murdering civilians, sooner or later, he'll just be destroying the⊠the term she used was 'food source.' Similarly, if he just bites, feeds, and leaves the victim alive, they'll slowly turn until they're one step away from being a full vampire."
"The final step being to drink the blood of the vampire who turned them?" Miles clarified.
"Exactly." Riza's fingers toyed with the beading around the cuffs of the white abaya⊠which was leaning toward off-white in places after the vampire had tangled with Roy earlier. "More vampires means more competition for resources, and that's something he can't afford. So unless he goes and makes a new one â which, if he doesn't think he can get me back, is very possible â he's on his own against us."
Miles glanced to his countryman. "I suppose that answers your question as to whether he's killed anyone else we don't know about."
"It does. But I have another." Red eyes were grave and solemn as Scar gazed at her steadily. "Anyone turned by this vampire develops an alter ego that slowly takes them over," he stated flatly. "So far, the only way we've found to suppress the alter ego is for the person to wear a sacred charm."
Her smile was just as grim as his eyes. "And you want to know how to get rid of the vampire personality without the victim having to wear a charm for the rest of their natural life. I've given that a lot of thought myself⊠and I think I have an answer, though it might bear some researching." She looked to Roy. "May I speak frankly?"
He lifted an eyebrow; she had already been perfectly blunt and straightforward. "âŠGo for it."
"Forgive my language, but I think the only way is to kill the bastard."
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I was thinking about AOT and the first chapter: Eren was crying, probably about what he experienced or will experience before the story ends and the memories will be stored in the attacking titan. That's how Kruger knew about saving Armin and Mikasa before it even happened. However in Eren's dream there is also a moment with possibly Mikasa saying "see you later Eren". I know people disagree on which Eren it's about (Kruger or Jaeger) but actually I was thinking that since (1/2)
itâs the only memory he gets from that dream, maybe itâs a sign that eremika is really going to be plot relevant. Why would he remember Mikasa in particular (and not Armin for example), assuming these memories were really about him and Mikasa? Iâm so sorry if this doesnât make a lot of sense, I love your snk posts so I wanted your opinion. Have a great weekend!
Hello anon! I am happy you enjoy my posts! And donât worry, your ask makes sense, but since my answer is gonna be pretty long Iâll break it into two parts:
1) Firstly I will address the scene you mentioned and some theories about it.
2) Then I will talk a little bit of Eremika.
1) I agree with you that this scene
and this scene
are both linked to a common plot point which has to do with some worldbuilding elements like the paths among Eldians, the origin of the Founding Titan, the Attack Titan and the truth about Ymir. Until these details remain unknown it is difficult to come up with a perfect explanation for these panels.
You mentioned two theories in your ask:
a) The girl Eren sees in the beginning is Mikasa.
In this case Eren is definately seeing his future and probably him separating from Mikasa since the girlâs words sound like a goodbye. If itâs so then we are inside a time paradox. I have seen people reading the time paradox as a negative loop i.e. a situation where our characters keep struggling, but are never able to overcome tragedy and so Eren keeps living again and again the same experiences in the hope of finally breaking the cycle. People who believe in this theory seem to think that we will either get a bad ending (so the end will be like the beginning with Eren waking up under the tree and the story starting once again without a solution) or, alternatively, we may have an ending where the cycle is finally broken and our characters are finally free to go on and to create a new world.
I would like to propose an alternative (definately crack) theory: the time paradox may actually be a âvirtuousâ loop i.e. the events we assisted, despite their violence and sadness, are actually necessary to arrive to a positive ending and Erenâs final decision will be to actually accept everything that happened to him and to âsend his will back in timeâ to influence the past events and to be sure that everything goes as it is supposed to go (i.e. as we have seen in the series). Basically I am proposing a time paradox like the one we get in the third book of Harry Potter where the characters going back in time and interfering with the past donât actually change it, but are used to explain details the protagonists saw the first time and couldnât understand (like the person saving Harry from the Dementors who turned out to be Harry himself).
Thematically it would be interesting for Erenâs character because he, despite fighting for freedom, is a character who has been enslaved since when his father gave him the titan power. He didnât choose to become the Attack Titan, so in a sense he has been negated freedom since the very beginning because he isnât given the chance to personally make that very first choice which kicked off the whole plot. For him to eventually accept what happened and to influence past events so that things go exactly as they went in order to ensure a positive outcome would be a nice touch imo. It would make the whole story a consequence of Erenâs choice and he would regain the agency Grisha took away from him back then.
b) The girl Eren sees is actually a girl important for Eren Kruger.
This theory has its own good points. First of all itâs obvious that Isayama wants us to associate Eren to Kruger:
The fact that Eren used the name Kruger as his alias in Marley and their two designs as children being similar, not to count them having the same name, are all details meant to draw the readerâs attention to the connection between these two characters. If so then we can assume that this connection will be important both thematically (meaning that Eren and Kruger will be characters made to compare and contrast each other) and plot-wise. If their link is relevant plot-wise then it may not be too far-fetched to imagine that, because of some unknown worldbuilding elements (aka Eldian paths or something), the two of them share a special mental connection. This unique mental connection may explain why Kruger mentioned Mikasa and Armin despite not knowing them and why Eren got to see one of Krugerâs memories despite having still to receive the Attack Titan.
Even if this theory were correct, though, this wouldnât change the fact that the scene Eren saw may be relevant to Eremika:
After all itâs Eren himself who associates the girl to Mikasa and this means that, in the case the girl is someone important to Eren Kruger, their relationship will most likely foil Eremika and this girl may become a parallel to Mikasa like Kruger is to Eren.
In short there is no doubt that the scene in chapter one will be, one way or another, relevant to Eremika and that Eren and Mikasaâs relationship will be (and already is) relevant for the story.
Now Iâll try to answer the second part of your ask.
2) I think that the most interesting thing of Eremika as a ship is that it has been set up to be solved only when Mikasa is able to make herself independent from Eren instead than when the two characters come together:
Itâs interesting that we get to see this scene from Mikasaâs POV because we can contrast it with the dream Eren had. At the beginning of the series we have Mikasa looking at Eren with adoration and at the same time we have Eren having a vision of a girl he associates with Mikasa saying goodbye to him. It may very well have been an effective representation of Mikasaâs arc in a nutshell: the very beginning against the very end.
The root of Mikasaâs character is that she is a child who lost her family and who is terrified from the prospective of losing it again and to remain alone:
When she sees both her parents die she doesnât even have the instinct to run for her life and lets herself get caught without opposing resistance because she has no idea how to live without her family. Then Eren comes into the scene and Mikasa clings to him:
Mikasaâs clinging to Eren becomes even worse after she loses her adoptive family. Letâs also notice that for her to help Eren out was also Carlaâs last wish:
It is because of all these circumstances that we see her doing things like this in the beginning:
However, the narrative keeps challenging her on this aspect to the point that I wouldnât be surprised if, by rereading Mikasaâs arc at the end of the series, it would turn out that the whole story was preparing her to say goodbye to Eren (and possibly to Armin):
After all Mikasa has been now tricked twice into thinking that she was losing a member of the costitutive group representative of her happy childhood. To me these two occurrences seemed rehearsals to what will be Mikasaâs final trial. Moreover, she is even told that both Armin and Eren wonât live long:
Itâs as if the narrative is warning her that she has to move on and to become more independent because oneâs life isnât reduced to the family nucleus one is born in, but a person can forge new relationships and find warmth and happiness even outside it.
In short Mikasaâs story starts with her being totally unable to face a traumatic loss and it is possible that it will end with her having become strong enough to actually let go. It would be a beautiful way to end her arc imo because it would tie it back to her original trauma (her family being killed) and would solve it together with her relationship with Eren who firstly taught her that she could keep on living even without her loved ones.
What about Eren?
It seems to me that Eren is ironically doing to his friends what Mikasa did to him in the beginning:
Mikasa in the beginning was constantly trying to protect Eren to the point of objectifying him to an extent and of trying to control him. Now, in the last chapter we have seen how protecting the people he cares about is still a pretty strong motivation of Erenâs character:
However, he is doing it by dismissing their opinions and their feelings and by isolating himself in the process:
Itâs interesting that we see Eren in front of a mirror this chapter because the place each one of EMA is at tells us something about their current state of mind.
So we have Armin in front of an enemy trying to communicate without receiving any answer exactly like any chance of dialogue with Marley has now been lost:
Then we have Mikasa who is at Sashaâs grave, but isnât actually looking at it (she is behind the grave and not in front of it) as if she couldnât force herself to truly face the consequences of what Eren did:
She touches her scarf instead and repeats Erenâs mantra despite Sashaâs death basically proving it wrong. They won. Sasha still died.
Finally we have Eren alone, in front of a mirror:
He isnât seeing neither his enemies (like Armin) nor his comrades (like Mikasa), but is seeing only himself. Again, I donât mean that he doesnât care about others, he does, but he has assumed a self-centred prospective: he wants to protect his friends and family and will fight against whoever wants to hurt them disreguarding both who they are and what his loved ones think about the matter.
Back in Trost Mikasa was so desperate to protect Eren that she would have disreguarded her duty as a soldier in order to keep him safe and would have indirectly sacrificed othersâ lives she could have saved with her strength for this reason.
In that situation it was Eren himself who woke Mikasa up and urged her to do the right thing. Now I think Eren needs a headbutt as well and it might be Mikasa the one to deliver it (since I think Armin will leave the other two). However, she will be able to do so only if she is ready to actually enter into an open conflict with Eren.
I donât know if I was of any help! Thank you for the ask and sorry I took a while to answer it! And have a great week!
#snk#snk meta#mikasa ackerman#eren jaeger#eremika#shinjeki no kyojin#asksfullofsugar#anonymous#my meta
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On abusive relationships and why Reylo isnât one
Honestly, Iâm a bid fed up with the âReylo is abusiveâ approach repeated as kind of a mantra by many antis and SW fans comparing it to the abusive relationship/marriage. Iâve been in a relationship which Iâd call abusive, namely my ex-partner used to bully me in every possible way (mentally and physically) including beating me black and blue many times. I was hopelessly in love as he was my first âseriousâ boyfriend (I donât count other short-term teenage crushes). Despite the fact that I knew exactly he wouldnât change, I got stuck in this relationship for two years and just didnât want to get out as I believed that perhaps one day something would change... I positioned myself as a passive victim, refusing any help from my family and friends. Thankfully, as I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, with a little help of the ones who truly cared about me, I found the courage to end this toxic relationship and set myself free. Now Iâm engaged to a wonderful man who respects me and supports me with everything I do (OK, we sometimes argue but we never give each other the so-called âsilent treatmentâ, our small âfightsâ are something all the couples go through).
Anyway, coming back to Rey and Ben, I will share a very nice comment from one of my favourite contributors on reddit:
âI never thought about their 'relationship' as abusive. And I wouldn't compare it to an abusive marriage as:
They are not in a relationship and I really have no clue where people got the idea from; Force connection is not the same as being partners in everyday life;
When they meet for the fist time they are enemies on the opposite sides and there is a war (Kylo Ren interrogates Rey, entering her mind - yet Rey does the same at the end, then she fights him in the forest and painfully chops his face, humiliating him in front of the guy he hates and treats as a rival - Hux and his master whose appreciation he seeks - Snoke;
During their force skyping sessions Rey begins to see a human under the mask of a monster (he sees a soulmate in her) Â and tries to help him, but when she fails - she doesn't get his shit, she leaves with a message "You screwed up. I've tried to help you, but as long as you reconsider your actions and draw conclusions out of your destructive behaviour, I won't be a part of this so off I go"; in other words: she doesn't stick to a toxic 'partner' who dominates her, who abuses her and treats her like his own property (which happens between Fred and Serena Waterford in "The Handmaid's Tale" - if you don't watch, give it a try - the series is great imo :D)
Rey is not a passive victim who does not respect herself (as many people try to indicate) - she is mentally and physically strong and this is why she is a challenge for Ben Solo - he knows that if he wants her to forgive him and start talking to him again, he will need to get his shit together - Rey is not Padme in other words - she might accept him but on condition he realizes his mistakes and become selfless at some point;
People often claim that Rey has a heart of gold and came to help him and he turned out to be an asshole and rejected all her good - of course I'm not saying she didn't have good intentions, but she came to him hoping his potential turn will help the Resistance (so her friends) in the first place and her possible feelings of compassion for him came second; Ben - on the other hand - thought they will defeat Snoke and be together, "killing the past" and setting the galaxy on fire. His twisted mind does not work like the brain of a 'healthy' person. The moment he defeated the last Praetorian, he looked at Snoke's throne realizing that now he is free and he finally killed his long-term abuser. What does Rey do? Starts urging him to save the Resistance, to order (Hux and his fleet) to stop firing (which is simply impossible at that moment). Rey's mistake was to think that killing Snoke is all he needs to turn to the light (which is obviously not true as it takes a lot of time to fix someone that broken) and Ben's mistake was to think that Rey has nowhere to go apart from him and that she still hates her parents for what they had done to her in the past; I guess they both misunderstood each other here and failed miserably;
âYou come from nothing, youâre nothing - but not to meâ - this line is the essence and Iâm really sad that many people read it out in a wrong way and totally misunderstand Benâs intentions here. For me he wants to say âI donât care you have no âroyalâ blood in you, I donât give a damn about your lack of legacy - you are important to me and I want you the way you areâ. Why are people sure he wants to crush her self-esteem? Saying âyouâre nothingâ he doesnât mean that no one else but him treats her like a piece of rubbish. âYouâre nothingâ is about the legacy, that comparing to him she is a ârandomâ. But he doesnât give a damn about it. Of course the delivery isnât very successful, but hey - this is the guy who has been manipulated and deprived of self-worth by a monster who wanted to change him into a thoughtless killing machine. It was typical for Snoke to treat him as if he was nothing himself and ânothingâ seems to be Benâs âfavouriteâ word... as he probably hadnât heard anything else for a long long time. So I donât blame him for the lack of expressing his emotions in a more tactful way.
Snoke is gone so now it seems that Ben will not be manipulated and messed up with his mind any longer and from now and every decision he makes is on him. In both novelizations of "TLJ" (junior and adult ones) it is implied that Rey will wait for him to make his final decision as his life is not hers to take and the Force has plans for them. Junior novelization goes even further and states that according to Rey's way of thinking "If she wants to have Ben Solo back, she will have to stop Kylo Ren" or sth.
To make it clear:
Iâm not arguing with the fact that Kyloâs offer to Rey at the end of "TLJ" is kinda destructive and unhealthy - not only because Kylo uses his knowledge of Reyâs past to put pressure on her onto joining him (and he does do this even if this was not his whole intention), but also because it is based on destruction. He tries not to choose between the dark and the light anymore by burying his past, he thinks he can create a world separated from the pain of the past, he thinks he can just have Rey and only Rey and never reconcile himself with his past... but of course he canât. He asks her to rule with him and abandon her friends, refuse to fight for them or agreeing on their death. He asks her to step into a world that would only contain him - but that is a dangerous, destructive, claustrophobic offer that would confine both of them to darkness and pain. Yet, he doesn't understand that and in his point of view his offer is the best she could have had.
And Rey? She could sympathize with him, she developed this spiritual bond with him and understands how broken and twisted up Ben is, yet she can draw a hard line between what is and isn't acceptable and healthy. She understands that this kind of offer is destructive and she just can't accept it, not now and not the way Ben wants her to be with him.
He has feelings for her obviously and his offer is indeed an offer of love and partnership, but not processed in a healthy way. In order to regain her trust he will have to change, reconcile with his past, at least try to choose healing over destruction.
This is actually the opposite of abuse. This is the perfect example of how to deal with someone who seeks a human connection and wants to be with you, but not in a way that your moral code allows you to accept it. This is an important lesson for everyone, not least the young girls who are watching this arc unfold and seeing how Rey is beyond that saying "no". But this is in no way lessened or cheapened by Rey, and through her still holding out hope that he can change, become better, healthier, more truly and disinterestedly loving - it gets more significance ("saving the ones you love").
It is the kind of connection/relationship/love that you donât and canât agree on until it has been purified and strengthened a hundredfold - because if accepted straightaway, it would lead to despair and destruction for both of them (yet from Ben's pov it is still a real and genuine plea for connection, love and acceptance)â.
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Faith
by Akong Rinpoche
Wherever the Buddha gave teachings is considered holy. Bodhgaya is one of these and there are many such places in Tibet. People who live near these places donât consider them as holy or special. Samye Ling is the first of such places in Europe as the 16th Gyalwa Karmapa left his footprints here. Even in Rumtek, India there are no footprints of the 16th Gyalwa Karmapa, although there are many of his footprints in Tibet. In the future visitors will come here on pilgrimage to Samye Ling from the East.
Faith and devotion come from inside of self, not from outside of self. Something in self that can trust from long understanding.
If you are sick and get treatment from a doctor who works very well for you, then if you are sick again you would wish to consult the same doctor. Then if the advice works again trust is increased. Then whatever advice the doctor gave regarding diet you trust because of your beneficial past-experience. You develop trust, become grateful and think âdoctor is taking care of me 100%â. Faith and trust develops. It is the same with teachers.
You practise the instructions given to you. You proceed and then find benefit from the practice. After that each time you need spiritual help you go to same person. This person becomes your personal guru. Because whatever he/she told you has been beneficial. No need to go to other teachers or other places. At this stage your body should be considered, to be a holy place and must not cheapen it in any way. No longer any need to go to any other place as you are in a holy place. Then faith and devotion, grows in you.
Sometimes we talk about âblind faithâ â not knowing whether it is beneficial or not. Blind faith is not necessary, but it is important in the beginning to be very open minded. Not to fall in love with new teacher same day of meeting that person. It could be big mistake. Traditionally it takes nine years. You should check whether he knows the Dharma. What about his way of life, his secret life? Like C.I.D. check everything. Not just read the advertisement. You should check for 3 years. Then you may find some worldly problems. All teachers have these because we are all worldly. But you should check his teachings and whether they are genuine. His failures and faults are not important, they are human faults. But you listen to the spiritual teachings.
When choosing a politician in the West, we usually look for someone perfect, like the Buddha. He/she does not need to be like Christ, you are not going to take ordination from him! But the person should have a good heart. All human beings have problems, make mistakes. Donât look for a teacher who has no faults, only look at their spiritual life. Have they done practice? What do other teachers think of him? The teacherâs job is to find out whether the student is honest and trustworthy. Are they âchasingâ for the wrong reasons? Traditionally this also takes 3 years. Then work together for 3 years. Like body guards, they need to be trustworthy. Willing to give their lives for you and not kill you! A student who has many teachers according to their mood, is not trustworthy. This is like rich people, who have many houses, which they visit according to the climatic conditions. You have, to know yourself. Trustworthy means, whatever people tell you is not blurted out. If someone tells you they are going to kill someone, then such a person would divulge this to others. Not telling others but just acting to prevent it happening without repeating the story to others. Faith will only arise if you can trust. Then the teacher will be willing to give all the teachings, holding nothing back. Otherwise if complete trust is not there one has to just give some very simple instruction which would not be harmful. You donât have to worry thinking to yourself âare you my guru?â Rather, there is personal relationship between pupil and instructor. That relationship becomes so strong no one can break it. If people ask who is your teacher, then think about what you might do if you have problems, difficulties, who comes into your mind. For instance, questions you might have about major decisions in your life. Even if your meditation is going badly and you are having hallucinations, who would you turn to?
There are international gurus and personal gurus. International gurus are like His Holiness Gyalwa Karmapa or Tai Situpa. They donât have time for personal instructions. They are lineage gurus. They are everybodyâs guru. You may be able to listen to their teachings, but not get personal regular teachings. But people who are Khenting Tai Situpaâs Mahamudra students perhaps for 8 or 9 years, and he has shown you the True Nature of Mind, then that is your root guru. The personal guru can also be your root guru, or branch of root guru. True Nature of Mind can be presented in a very public way, 200 or 300 people, even during an initiation. A person who has completed the whole course beginning with the foundations, then such an individual who had interviews with the teacher and who has received instructions and experienced the true nature of mind â such a person is very precious.
During the last 2 or 3 years, many Samye Ling people have received this tuition. They have become precious human beings. Rest of us are cheaper, like cows. Cows may even be better as at least they can forecast weather by how they are sleeping!
I would like all of you to become trustworthy human beings. In a nomadic country friends are very important. We donât sell them, or kill them. If a friend has done something wrong to you, you do not give up on them. You just consider that they made a mistake. Children will always respect a fatherâs friend. Also, a fatherâs enemy is sometimes considered as their enemy. But in my view, this is too rigid and should not happen. However, the side positive view is very important. A trustworthy person is better than a non-trustworthy one. Moods go up and down. Try not to change your practice too much. During 10 or 20 years, it doesnât matter how long it is. 9 years may be not enough. Even after 55 years of marriage one can sometimes become divorced! But donât have the wedding on the same day on which you have met someone. You could be lucky, but I think we donât have enough wisdom to make such quick decisions.
We look at beauty. We might think: âKalu Rinpoche is good, but too thin!â Some teachers are always laughing so they must be good. During the early times the Kadampa teachers cried every day on witnessing the suffering of samsara. We would not like to see them weeping all the time or maybe we think to send them for therapy treatment! They did not spend time on clothes, food, not cutting the thorns outside their caves, because they thought they might die soon so not worth wasting their time.
When I make devotion to guru, all the hairs rise on my body and tears come continuously. Akongâs monastery is called Dolma Lhakang, Palace of Tara (or Temple of Tara). In Tibet there were many Tara temples, built after Guru Rinpoche introduced Buddhism to Tibet. Temples are built on weakness points. Dolma Lhakang was not established by Guru Rinpoche himself but has similar qualities. 21 Taras appeared in the rock. The syllable (Tam) appeared, it used to be clearly visible there, but many such self-arisen manifestations were destroyed during the Cultural Revolution. My Motherâs and Fatherâs main practice was Tara, especially my Fatherâs. He recited Green Tara praises continuously from morning to night, except if talking to someone. When he was older many people respected him for the energy which he gained from the practice. People asked him to pray for the protection of animals, if they were lost, or if danger from leopards. In the Cultural Revolution, Tara practitioners were chained in their prison cells, and chains broke, and the prison gates miraculously opened.
Tara has so much protection. For people who wish to have a child or for improvement of their health. Tara is common to all Tibetan schools, like Chenrezig. The Karmapa, Kalu Rinpoche, Thrangu Rinpoche practised Tara for people wanting help with their health or happiness because Tara gives the quickest results.
If you have received the âwangâ (initiation) and hope to do the practice regularly then the shortest is just the mantra.
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