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here4kpopfics · 2 years ago

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Put It Out | JJK

just a quick little something to put our minds at ease about that stupid candle. @minttangerines asked and I...I don't know, honestly. Here we are. I'm tired. Enjoy. Thank you beautiful @mikrokcsmos for the edits and being wonderful. 💜💜 also gonna tag @pamzn @minisugakoobies and @sugakookitty bc i can. hi i love you all.

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jjk x reader | fluff/stupiness | 1863 words | pg15 but really 13 but really who cares | Jungkook better put that shit out before his house goes down in flames.

“I’m gonna go live, jagi.”

“It’s two in the morning, Koo. Let army sleep.” You turn over in bed to see your boyfriend throwing a shirt on and fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror before turning back to you with a pout.

The dumb pout that wins every argument. You hate it and love it.

“I’m sure some of them are awake! I’ll make it a chill live. Put the galaxy light on and get a candle. They can fall asleep to it.”

“Like any of them can fall asleep to you singing to them.” You mumble under your breath, getting up and grabbing your phone and a charger. “Let me grab something to drink and a snack first.”

“You’re gonna watch?” Dumb bunny smiles with the cute crinkles around his eyes. You want to kiss him stupid but you’re too tired.

“Someone has to make sure you don’t do anything dumb.” You quip, quickly pecking his lips with yours as you make your way to the kitchen, grabbing supplies. You hear his feet following you and smile.

“I don’t do anything stupid!”

“Unholy. Body roll. While not stupid, I'm pretty sure a good handful of people had heart attacks that night.” You grab your laptop off the dining room table, “Boxing. Moaning and groaning while on the floor and out of sight. Stupid only because you were out of sight and that led people to have ideas about things that only I get to experience.”

“I wasn’t—”

“Yes you were. But it’s fine. I accept that you’re a flirty hoe, it’s who you are baby. Embrace it. Have fun. I’ll be in the room waiting for you to come back to bed.” You take a quick inventory of the room, making sure he moved anything of yours out of view when you spot the candle.

“Why the candle, though?”

“To lighten it up in here…and it smells nice.”

“Baby, you have a ring light.”

“Ring light doesn’t smell nice.”

You groan in defeat, shaking your head and walking past him, back to the room, “blow it out when you’re done!”

“Kay!”

You settle back in bed, charger plugged in and a pillow acting as a laptop stand while you snack on whatever it was you blindly grabbed. You hear the music starting before you get the notification about him going live on Weverse pops up. You pop in your AirPods and get ready for a long night.

You scroll through tumblr and Twitter as he finally appears on the screen, quietly giggling at everyone freaking out over specific songs and him and his hair. You can’t blame them, though. His hair still makes you giddy when you see it.

A few songs in and you realize quickly what playlist he’s going through. The playlist you created together, tossing random shit that either reminded you of one another, was just a fucking vibe, or was just something you personally wanted him to sing because you knew he could.

One of the very few perks of dating him that you participate in.

But he’s doing that thing, that thing you hate. You do it, too. You’re not afraid to admit it. But it’s worse when he does it because he’s singing at the same time.

He gets a little more than half way through a song, either reaching the second chorus or even the bridge, and then just skips to the next song. But not just the song right after, no. The man skips and skips and skips and skips, letting you hear a second of each song and getting excited before he skips to another one, repeating the process. It drives you mad.

Thankfully, it drives army mad as well, so at least you have that to validate your annoyance.

You accidentally laugh out loud when he starts singing along with Leave The Door Open and you pray no one had heard it, watching the chat to see if anyone says anything. Thankfully, no one heard a thing and you relax, but only a little because he’s got the damn candle in his hand and he’s moving the melted wax around and you have to bite your tongue to suppress yourself from laughing again when the flame goes out.

“Serves you right.” You mutter.

He continues on with this “chill night” of blasting his music, getting more drinks, watching Hoseok’s new music video twice without saying a word, accidentally swearing while singing a Charlie Puth song, and unabashedly flirting with army again.

You watch his mood start to dip when he gets to some slower songs, one that you put in when you were feeling insecure about your relationship with him.

He looks exhausted as he talks about the current situation he’d been forced into with ‘fans’ not respecting his privacy and treating him like he’s not human and your heart cracks for him. Part of you wants to run out there, turn off the live and hug him. The other part knows he needs to get it off his chest. Even if he’s tipsy, it’s something that needs to be discussed. You can comfort him after.

But of course, never one to let the mood be sad for too long, he switches to a fun more upbeat song and says he needs to go to the bathroom.

A few seconds later, he’s opening the door to your bedroom and leaning over your little set up and grabbing your face, pulling you in for a deep kiss.

“I love you” the words fall off his lips quietly and you repeat them back without hesitation, smiling when he gives a shorter kiss before bolting to the bathroom. He comes back out, stealing some of your snacks and snickering at your reaction, throwing up a finger heart as he leaves the room.

He seems to have woken up a little bit, but not by much from the way he keeps laying back on the couch for a minute or two at a time.

“I swear if you fall asleep on camera…” you whisper at the screen, glaring at the slow rise and fall of his chest.

“I'm not going to sleep.” He groans, trying to wake himself up, “if I’m gonna sleep, I’ll tell you and get off but I don’t feel like sleeping right now, okay?” He’s whining which you know perfectly well he’s about to fall asleep. He turns into a toddler, confused and upset that his body would betray him like this.

Not even five minutes later he’s picking up the candle again, placing it in front of the camera for aesthetic reasons, you’re sure.

“I’m gonna rest a bit. Just a few minutes. Promise.” He disappears out of sight and you’re sure he’s laying down.

Aw, fuck. He’s gonna sleep on camera.

You wait five minutes and then you hear it, clear as day in your AirPods, the sound of his snoring. It’s so light, but so very obvious your boyfriend has fallen asleep on camera and millions of people are now watching him. Although, not really watching him, because he’s off camera. But it’s close enough!

You quickly send a text to Taehyung, praying he’s still awake.

Y/n: Koo fell asleep on camera. What do I do?

Tae: you have to end it or I’ll see if any of the team can…did he really fall asleep?

Y/n: yes! And he has a stupid candle burning still right next to his phone. I can’t go out there until it’s over.

Tae: oh my god he’s going to get so much shit for this from us, that’s amazing.

Tae: I’ll call and see if anyone can turn it off, but I doubt it since it’s four in the morning. Try to do it in the meantime.

You groan, tossing your phone to the side and looking back at your laptop. He’s still asleep. And that candle is still burning. The chat is yelling about it, tumblr and Twitter are both freaking out about it.

Fuck. You’re gonna have to do something about it. You take out the AirPods, getting back out of bed and throwing one of his sweaters on as well as his sweatpants.

You quietly and slowly open the door, thankful the door can’t be seen from that angle on the stream, and slowly drop to the floor.

Time to mission impossible this shit.

Using the sweater and pants, you’re able to softly glide on the floor that you’re very thankful was cleaned earlier today and Bam wasn’t here to ruin. You make your way behind the couch until you’re on the opposite side of his phone. He’s just off to the side, very clearly out of sight and you sneak up on the floor next to the couch, keeping yourself hidden.

“Baby?” You whisper it as quietly as you possibly can manage, but he doesn’t respond except with a soft whimper of a snore. He’s too adorable.

The sound of the tv going into sleep mode makes you jump.

You can’t wake him up without either making noise or him saying your name when he wakes. So you sneak away from him again, creeping directly behind his phone and reaching around, trying to keep your finger out of sight as you tap where you're sure the end live button is located. You stay sitting behind the camera, grabbing your phone and checking if the live is off, and thank god it is.

You stand up, blowing out the candle and taking it to the kitchen to set it somewhere safe. You turn off the galaxy light and make your way back to your tired and dumb boyfriend, crawling on top of him.

“Jungkoooookie. Baby. Wake up, dumb dumb.”

He groans in annoyance, and as suspected, the first thing he says is your name.

“Y/n? I’m live right now. You can’t be out here.” He whines, but his hands find their home on your thighs, squeezing softly.

“I ended it, you goober. You fell asleep on camera. Snoring and everything.” You grin, cradling his face in one hand and kissing his nose. “Come on, let’s get you to a real bed.”

“Here’s good.” He says, pulling you down to him and flipping you both on your sides.

“Nuh-uh. To the bed, mister. You’ll thank me in the morning.” You reach out, patting his butt and laughing when he bucks his hips once towards yours. “Not that either. Let’s go.”

You climb out of his grip, pulling him off the couch and grabbing his phone, leading him to the bedroom. You quickly remove your stuff and he quite literally flips over onto the bed while you plug his phone into your charger.

You have to maneuver him to get under the blankets, doing so yourself when he’s finally in bed, getting comfortable when a giant tattooed arm reaches around your waist, dragging you to have your back against his chest.

“Goodnight, jagi.” A small kiss on your temple.

“Goodnight, dumb boy.” Your free hand wraps around the hand on your waist and you both fall asleep.

He’s gonna be in so much trouble when he wakes up.

Booga Booga I'm tired

#Jeon Jungkook #Jungkook x reader #Jungkook fluff #Jungkook drabble #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk drabble #kelly posts #kelly writes #drabble requests

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lakesbian · 2 months ago

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Will you share your twig fanfic at some point? The lil snippets into their adventures are so entertaining

ok so so far i have. one chapter thats jsut like. a rewrite picking up right after 13.11 that's like "hey what if the way the conversation about jessie liking sy/sy putting up walls went Wasnt wildly homophobic and transmisogynistic." i think it's fine and probably about as edited as it's going to get. i'm trying to add to that at least one more chapter that's about like. The ensuing shitshow (good, funny) of sy being really bad and awkward about actually starting up the relationship with jessie bc hes nervouse. but i'm struggling with finding how to reasonably plotwise add a chase scene/the general shenanigans i want to fit in it so i'm worried i'm gonna get stuck there. the ultimate goal for it would be it being a 2 or 3 chapter affair max that ends in sy & jessie properly starting their relationship. if i get really horrendously stuck i might just post the first chapter alone but id like to try to believe in myself

i have a few other snippets that were just basically like me doing the writing equivalent of doodling like. the sleeping beauty one i posted on tumblr + one re the line abt sy gifting jessie the same pen twice by accident + one re my 'why arent cigarettes in twigland super cool and packed with all kind of random shit' complaint. the only other thing thats. I Guess Finished. is like a snippet re 'hey its fucking crazy that wildbow had jessie pose as sy's fiancee when they infiltrated an academy and it was just literally never talked about' that Spiraled. and now it's 3 consecutive longer scenes that are kinda about how i think jessie & sy should be stupid in love, and kinda about how i think we should kill wildbow for not writing jessie being the world's best most functional fit for sy's psychosexual fixations, and kinda about how i think helen should have a Weird dynamic with them, and kinda about how i think it's dumb that sy never gets to have a more developed/understanding relationship with helen despite spending months living with her as a young adult. realistically i should show it to people who are not my friends at this point but Maybe I'me Shy.

and i also wanna keep working on/finish one i started that's a rewrite/continuation of a scene during the black woods quarantine bit that's about like. their fucked up sad little 17-18yo old married couple with Mortality Imminent vibe. but i feel like i wanna go back to that After i finish the stuff that's chronologically earlier? because i started it first, and i think it helped and was fun as a 'where do they go' thing, but i dunno. i might want to get things more straight in my head with the earlier stuff first even if not everything has to be perfectly consistent with each other.

initially i was envisioning just having one fic i update with snippets in each chapter but the thing is that with snippets Spiraling i dunno how i'd post things. i guess the 13.11-> rewrite would obviously be its own thing, but i don't know if the one i mentioned abt the fiancee stuff would count as its own fic vs a snippets series or What. and i should also really before i post anything have someone who 1. has amenable taste and 2. has actually fucking read twig read it and provide thoughts on if anything should be shot before it makes it out of the carriage. but also i fear we have a milquetoast enough situation going on here that it's one of those things where it's a bit silly to go "here..... Critical Review, Please" because it's not Serious Enough writing 4 that. so maybe i should just post shit who's to say

#ask #twig time #twig ask

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utilitycaster · 1 year ago

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🔥 general CR fandom mood during c3

I don't know if this will be an unpopular opinion per se, but it will be an opinion, and I think after this is a good place for me to take a break and settle back in and fold the laundry I did not fold before leaving on Wednesday before returning to whatever else is in my inbox; in fact, with that, any unpopular opinion question received after 10 pm Eastern Time on Dec. 17 2023 will be deleted (unless it's a really fucking good one).

Speaking only for Tumblr because the subreddit has many problems I've covered previously and Twitter is garbage and always has been, honestly I think it's fine by now. I think people who prefer Campaign 1 or 2 to 3 but are still enjoying 3, myself included, are pretty open about that, ie, we are not expecting this to be our favorite campaign but we're interested in what's going on. I think a lot of people for whom Campaign 3 is their first campaign and who started due to TLOVM or EXU Prime or just a new campaign are also having a good time. I think you will always get a certain number of people who are constantly complaining and miserable and you will also always get a certain number of people who constantly complain about the constantly complaining people, and you should block and ignore as needed.

I do think that this campaign had a rough start, and the vibe earlier was rougher, but honestly the only people who are unhappy now are, as I've said before, either the people who are really invested on how Campaign 3 is the best specifically because it's the most bonded found family when that's a dumb metric to use in the first place and objectively wrong; or the people who started watching because of The Big Ship and have found that a good chunk of the fandom is unimpressed with said ship because the canon is unimpressive and so they have been throwing a slow motion tantrum because they dislike the idea that a nearly 9-year-old fandom hasn't stopped rotating on its axis to cater to their specific tastes. I also do think that people super invested in C3 being the best who haven't seen C1 or 2 are kind of struggling and unwilling to admit it because so much of this campaign is reaping what was sown in previous campaigns and indeed Matt has repeatedly stated that he always wanted to do that. So because of that I do, again, think that there's a sizeable portion of people who are both deeply invested in Campaign 3 being better than Campaign 1 or 2 but also genuinely wish there was the balance of downtime to story and lack of reliance on previous campaigns of C1 or 2 and so that leads to a weirdly bitter and cognitively dissonant vibe among them, but everyone else is chilling.

I also think that the fandom is in a good but transitional period that I've been thinking about bc D20's fandom is several steps behind, namely, the toxic positivity (and deep resentment around the edges) present in some of C2 is mostly gone, but now people need to figure out how to criticize in a way that is meaningful and constructive (and/or keep emotional dislike on their own blogs - and respect other people's right to dislike things untagged on their own blogs). D20 is still in the fawning toxic positivity phase, for an example of that.

Basically: it's in an understandably weird place for a number of reasons but overall it's fine. You will never have total consensus or a perfect vibe so it's not worth aiming for that, but there's some good stuff and it's pretty easy to curate out the rest.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #unpopular opinions ask meme

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sugar-omi · 1 year ago

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what are your general thoughts on step 3 baxter bc i was replaying OL1 and i trying hard not to cackle at the fact baxter is 19 years old in like 2016. bc all i can hear is halsey, p!atd, arctic monkeys when i look at him; it's giving tumblr, hot topic, that specific period of alt fashion. like he looks like a k-pop idol, but has a weirdly deep voice and overly formal way of speaking. like that is a rich sheltered gayboy emo nerd, not a suave daddy dom. his ass is grass and mc is gonna mow it. i'm saying i find his whole aesthetic ridiculous even tho i do have a soft spot for his fear of emotional vulnerability.

LMAOOO NO I READ THE HALSEY, P!ATD, N ARCTIC MONKEYS AND YOU LITERALLY DESCRIBED MY MUSIC TASTE IN 2016-18 PLS JUST ADD MCR AND I AM IN RUINS.....

OMG STOP "HIS ASS IS GRASS AND MC IS GONNA MOW IT" PLS I LOVE YOU YOUR /WORDS/ IM ACTUALLY CRYING

honestly the only reason i don't clown him is bc I think him being older is 🥵🫣 but yeah I had to laugh when they called me Pepe le pew and Victorian emo man

I was literally getting ready to go out the one day after playing the dlc, and was trying not to fuck up my eyeliner from laughing bc pepe le pew is abnormally funny n idek what or who that is

HONESTLY I WAS SO GRATEFUL WHEN HE CHANGED CLOTHES

I COULD GET BEHIND THE SHIRT BUT THOSE PANTS.....

take em off

OH NO WHAT DO YOU THINK HIS UNDERWEAR LOOKED LIKE.... ik in step 4 he had fall leaves on his butt but what abt step 3.... im afraid 😟

okay I totally almost forgot your question, thank god I read things like 5 times before I'm sure I'm not missing smth but general thoughts....

well first thoughts was "who tf is this flirting w my man🤨"

now it's "who let this vampire out the house" bc baxter is so pale... pls I feel like if I put a firefly on him he'd burn like?!)!&*!^!??

final thought: "are you still looking to be sandwiched" bc poly cove/baxter/mc sounds PERFECT for all my issues (will never recover from the dialogue being different if you have cove at fond or crush when you start dating baxter.....)

also I'd like to eat him, did I say that alrdy? well I'd like to shrink him n nibble on him

OH MY GOD THATS OFF TRACK OK STEP 3 BAXTER THO. ID LIKE TO GRAB HIS FACE N YELL AT HIM

knowing he's going to break my heart...... pls... 5 moments wasn't enough imma need reimbursement for this heartache

I wanna sneak into his condo and lay in bed w him and make him laugh until he falls asleep n then I wanna wake him up w breakfast and then I wanna go on a lil stargazing date n walk along the edge of the water, the water only touching his feet when the wave goes up shore

n I wanna find all his lil freckles and moles n count them n be all close n tell him he's pretty like the moon and I wanna put on some song idk the lyrics to bc it's some Spanish love song or smth and make him dance w me even tho the most I can do is spin I a circle and circle literally one hip

and I wanna take him on a long drive w his dumb metal music blasting n make him yell it out w me and I wanna feed him his dumb fries w pie or whatever it was and I wanna make him lay in the grass w me and I wanna go build a dumb sandcastle and get him a silly lil toy that's prbly meant for kids n giggle abt it for a stupid amount of time and when we get home laugh abt it some more and i wanna play my dumb instrument and sing him a dumb song n AKAJHAGA I JUST WANT A FUCKJNG COMING OF AGE MOVIE W HIM I AM JAGADFALAH LOSING MY SHIT

okay.

I'm normal 🧍 ... I like this man a Regular amount

#olba #baxter ward

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tiredcrystal · 3 months ago

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NOOO IM NOT

i just had to express I wasn’t hostile (the emojis)

no no I know you know I had a name, I just thought since I’m trans you thought I maybe like others still hadn’t decided on one and changed it sometimes, I just meant I had my irl name before I started tumblr.

Oh yeah about the blog followers, I forgot to answer before bc I didn’t have much time.

I wondered because I sometimes thought you and Sho and possibly a lot others probably sometimes thought I had way more than I had.

I had 300 - 350 in the end, right now it has about 384 or something I think.

And actually, you were my first ever anon. When Sho asked if there was another space for one more, it first occured to me I think, that maybe you think I’m way bigger than I am, but you two were my only regular anons I ever had.

also don’t worry about it, the phrase wasn’t immature or anything.

ooh that’s interesting! I just guessed you weren’t from europe or america and felt like it was an asian country, also bc I was sure you had a different time zone, but that makes sense, too. It’s a smaller difference than I expected, then!

Oh wow I managed to hold up 2 days without making a fool of myself! And now I've done it... I knew I was doing suspiciously good...

FORGIVE ME I'M DUMB I COMPLETELY FORGOT U COULD CHANGE UR NAME BECAUSE IT'S NOT A THING HERE SORRY SORRY

From what I understood (which isn't much bcs my brain is the size of a peanut) you changed names even befoore starting Tumblr and for the sake of anonymity you want a new code name you like but you still haven't found one good enough?? I hope I'm right pls

Also I get wanting an online name! You don't have to justify it at all, it should be the norm. I know I've never used my real name on any account nothing's that safe anymore snif

But since I managed to guess very close (imagine ur name being Julius the third), that just means your name does suit you irl! The amount of variations I have thought of tho, is insane it could be Ran, Julien, Philip, Alexandre, Lumiere lol (these are just for fun ik you don't wanna say your real name so do ignore them if they make you uncomfortable but I wanna say, you could just use a distorted version of your name as an online one like add a few letters or take some off, you could like it since it will feel familiar)

LOL wdym hostile all you had to say was "I'm soda. Follow me." And I would be "say less chef let's go☝" So I guess then neither one of us will use emojis... I shall volunteer as tribute 😔

That's actually impressive, 300 followers isn't something easy on Tumblr so congrats! Can't believe I was friends with a Tumblr celebrity all along... Jokes aside, it's an honor to be your first ever anon! And whatever the number of followers you had, it doesn't make you any less deserving of anons! We had fun being ur regular anons and that's all that matters.

Yeep I think we have the same timezone after all lol. Maybe you thought so because my sleep schedule is, concerning to say the least. But since Europe is like right above Africa, the time zone is exactly the same with 90℅ of Europe unless you're from east east Europe like Romania or Greece still it would be a 2 hours difference so, wow..

#asks #mystery man 🕴

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namuneulbo · 1 year ago

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week ninety-nine

so close.

monday and tuesday were nothing special.

wednesday i went thrifting and i found a cute top that makes me feel so bella swan and a cute dress that makes me feel so 2014 tumblr. i wore the top to the quiz in the evening.

thursday omg. my friends were doing a concert at the same bar as where the music quiz was held. i went there w a and on the walk there i ask her if we should go see the jazz concert afterwards as well and she was like:

"yes, of course, u know whos playing, right?"

WELL, i did in fact NOT KNOW but it just happened to be w on the drums. bro i was so excited. we went to see my friends concert and it was great and ended in a mosh pit so it was quite the change walking into the jazz gig afterwards.

they had already started playing when we go there but it was fine. we didnt get a close-up seat but i could stare at w from afar. it was funny bc when s arrived we just exchanged this glance of like:

"oh, we both know why IM here." the performance felt quite short but yk, we also arrived a little late. after the performance there was a jam, as per usual. w sat w his parents and some others, im assuming relatives, and also d (and k for a bit???).

yadayada i sat down w a, a, l and v closer to the front and then i saw w standing w´by the table l was sitting at but talking w b, k and t. i move over there since i knew it wouldnt be too obvious since me and l r friends. i barely look at him bc hes so close yk but UGHHHH he was like resting his hands on the table and leaning. idk how to describe it but yk standing but leaning and his sleeves were rolled up. dead.

anyways both c and l were leaving and i tried begging them to stay while w was there but they ended up just being like:

"no, girl, just talk to him instead."

i end up moving back to sit w a and l. a and v had left by now too. ws standing by himself and a immediately tells l to invite him over and he invites w to sit w us and points to a seat next to me. he sits down on the other available seat though lol i dont blame him since it was closer so it was more logical.

l and w talk briefly in-between watching the jam session and then w just drops a "i just realized i havent had any dinner today" and we start talking about going out to eat. we were discussing whether we should go to the grill or mcdonalds. mcdonalds is a bit outside of town and only the drive-thrus open that late but w did offer us going w him in his car but we ended up going to the grill. i wouldnt have minded sitting in his car though hehe.

me, a and l leave to go get our coats and w left behind for a bit to go pick up his cymbals and his bag. me and a freak out a tiny bit on my behalf before he joined us again. we left and i was so... omg? the entire walk there and i message l being like "OMGOMGOMG". on the way there w meets a bunch of ppl he knows and he starts play fighting w a. it was quite cute.

when we were nearing the grill i became ever so slightly more comfy to talk after i made a joke he laughed at. we were talking about how much food he could get if he just handed them his bag of cymbals and silly me said he could get lots of shrimps and rice. it sounds so dumb to like explain in such detail things i remember him or me saying but like,,, im gonna do it in detail anyways bc i want to remember it when im seventy and i look back at these posts (if tumblrs still a thing by then).

we all order food and he orders such a dad meal but ig its quite cute when he does it. we bonded over dips bc we had the same fav and the same least fav. we both love béarnaise and hate oriental lol. then b showed up and we invited him to eat w us so we had to wait longer so his food would be ready as well. i didnt mind ofc.

we started talking ab hans zimmer which led w to a passionate rant thanks to him being a zimmer fanatic. then that led to a film bro talk that initially made fun of how film bros act ab shots and stuff just for him to start doing exactly that dgjslkfj it was funny bc he was like listing famous movie scenes being like:

"and u know the story ab this shot, right?" until he reached one that we actually didnt know and he was like "oh okay then let me film bro real quick *proceeds to explain how that scene was shot*"

im afraid i really like film bros. i think its so cute when they get all passionate about it TT

i dont think ill go TOO into detail ab each tiny thing he said bc i already have a note in my phone of everything i remember TT am i manic?

we got our food and we went to campus to eat it. he went by the basement to put away his cymbals while us others went to the cafeteria. we went to sit down and a went to sit right next to me but l whispered like:

"no! move over! leave that seat empty!" wanting w to sit down next to me naturally. hes an ally ! anyways i did like a short joke ab how hed probably sit down on the opposite side and l laughed and was like "oh yeah, he probably will" and yup, he did. it was quite funny bc i havent told b i like w but if it wasnt obvious by now idk what.

we sat eating together for like an hour and i was so happy to get a reason to stare at him attentively wo it being weird bc yk,,, just watching him from afar and stuff can be pretty weird TT but like actually getting to have eye contact w him and stuff AHHHH!!!

b left first and us others were left sitting for a bit. i thought we were all going home until a whispers to me like "l, hes coming to the bar!!!" which was a big surprise bc like ive mentioned before, hes v rarely at the bar. hes been there more recently though which is fun.

we walk to the bar together and ahhh so happy hihi but we split up quite early on as he goes to his classmates and i felt to awkward to join him. after going outside rq i caught up w s for a bit before walking back in and joining w and some others who i knew. later we were left alone near the bar and bro it was so awkward and later a steals his cap and puts it on her head and i just awkwardly drop the worst line of my life:

"looking fresh."

i actually cant, ive been thinking ab it ever since... WHY TF WOULD I SAY THAT???

okay anyways i wanna forget ab it truly.

later on i joined a and her friends and omg... she asked me if she could wear my glasses and i let her and then she moved over to me and was like:

"i feel like a sexy substitute teacher," then she caresses my shoulder and chest and lightly grabs my shirt and goes:

"hm, u havent done ur homework~ what should we do about that~?"

AND BRO MY GAY ASS... i literally melted... that was like the hottest thing someones ever said and done to me. def up there w the time i cuffed me. she did apologize quickly for touching my chest but i said it was fine (WHICH IT VERY MUCH WAS!). then she pulled me into the bathroom and we talked for quite a while. shes so nice TT

when i got back w was gone.

next day, friday. we celebrate bs 18th bday. once getting to the bar we sit outside and i was so happy actually. like the conversation was so good and i was becoming the perfect level of drunk. i was sitting w my back towards the bar and c just looks at me and points behind me and mouths a quiet "look."

i turn around AND WHO DO I SEE? w. i literally look back in shock w my hand in front of my agape mouth and v goes:

"what, what happened?"

and i go like:

"omg, i havent told u i think" and i lean in and just "i like w" and then do little drum motions w my hand to like clarify which one i mean and his immediate reactions like "AIGHT, give me a minute" and he stands up. he was joking ofc and sat back down then genuinely asks me if i want him to wingman me. i consider it and i said he could go talk to him but dont like directly say i like him and he proceeds to go and talk to him twice i think?? it was funny. i told him he could wingman me next time for sure.

i never end up talking to w that night but i did end up telling a about it when i was walking around to bar to find him. i just walk up to her like:

"i was looking for w but he seems to have left."

then i proceed to tell her that i like him and thats why i was looking for him and her replys the cutest thing ever. she just starts telling me how im so cute and how hes so sweet and would be a great boyf and that i should so talk to him and AHHH I LOVE HER. feeding my delusions sm i love her. then she genuinely goes like:

"should we go look for him?"

i just tell her hes left bc i havent seen him but i told her quickly ab our little hangout from the day before and she was so excited ab it.

then nothing else of important note has happened this weekend. i dropped the story ab o to e and s. e on friday and s asked me ab it on saturday and it was so funny hearing ab him from their perspective. we all ended up agreeing that hes nice but def a bit,,,, weird and has some questionable traits.

ive been trying to figure out how to incorporate quotes into these texts wo it looking dumb and its so hard. i know how to use quotation marks in like,, fiction context but idk the proper grammar rules on how to use it while quoting ppl mid-story.

sotw: david bowie - criminal world

#diary #tumblr diary #namuneulbo

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my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda · 2 years ago

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This started out as a rant and turned into an entire Character Headcanon Study Blurb Thing whoops

Tumblr danganronpa fandom has the coldest takes on Kazuichi and it is so sad

And the ones that bug me most arent even from haters, theyre from people who are fans but like they think Kazuichi is just a Stock Stupid Character.

"Kaz is no thoughts head empty" bitch she sometimes *wishes* she were no thoughts head empty she is literally Always Thinking she cant even sleep sometimes because she gets Brain Racing. Dont let her kinda resting, kinda stressed out faces fool you that time where she was trying to look like a tough guy she was constantly thinking about how people saw her and what was going on socially and it was really overwhelming.

There's always like one or two songs, or like two pieces of a song that never finish, stuck in the unused tabs in her head while the used tabs are doing like fifty other things and feel like theyre going nowhere, which is so frustrating. She is unmedicated and doesnt know that she could use medication. She judges herself on Neuotypical Standards and assumes all of her autism and adhd traits are her "being dumb again." And you bet she internalizes that and it drills into her self esteem.

She makes open ended goals and gets frustrated that they never feel finished. She downplays all of her successes because she never feels good enough, especially if everyone ignored what she accomplished and just looks at her like they expect more. Life gets in the way and plans falter and she blames herself for all the failures (and exaggerates the failures in her head) and she is so rejection-sensitive and internalizes everything bad people say about her and lowkey thinks everyone hates her if people dont openly show that they're not mad at her. That they still enjoy her company.

Her dad was an asshole who took advantage of her skills and hypocritically expected a lot from her while not providing for their small family (which is just the two of them). You think she cant do housework? She was doing almost as much as Mahiru for her family (I did not intend to give them almost the same backstory just by not giving Kaz a mom but that's how it worked lol) before the "vacation." But everything ruined her expectations, her routine, her setup, so she had trouble doing things like washing her clothes because her thoughts would get in the way, including "Id have to find a block of time to not leave the house" because this is her One Oufit (sensory issues and not knowing how she wants to present herself right now make it harder for her to find other clothes she likes) and things like "we'll be able to go home any day now so what's the rush?" Im still not sure what she was doing to keep her clothes from smelling bad but it worked bc Hiyoko was canonically the only one who smelled bad and everyone else complained about it. But anyway this clothes thing probably weighed on her brain Sometimes A Little and Sometimes A Lot almost the whole time, making it harder for her to do anything about it. It's hard to make ADHD brain do the thing that does Not have a time limit AND weighs on you for so long and your brain tricks you by making up rules like"it cant be done until you do this other thing", and one of the rules in her head was probably "I shouldnt have to wash this until we get back home, and we're definitely getting back home any day now"

She wants to trust everybody, if she had it her way she would trust everybody all the time (and be friends with everybody all the time tbh), but she just cant.

Life has shown her that people are assholes, that they can and will betray her, and she still feels like a gullible little kid who gets hurt trusting everyone, so she overcompensates and trusts no one.

She doesnt want to be the sissy boy anymore so she overcompensates and tries to be the tough guy. She doesnt want people to call her gay like in middle school so when she's attracted to a woman's body she lets all the guys know so that they dont mysteriously find out that she's queer and hurt her for it (it's not actually mysterious but she has trouble telling when she's obvious about a crush or attraction to a guy so it always feels out of nowhere when guys pick up on that and call her a homo or a fag.) Her earliest crushes were boys and when she got her first girl crushes she thought she was finally "done with (her) 'gay phase' " and was deep in denial when she was still attracted to guys, including some of the assholes she was trying to impress all the time.

Not to mention the killing game. Every time she wasnt distracting herself with Hajime or Sonia just to keep herself Feeling Alright she was spending almost all that time trying to think of a way off the island. When Hajime said "with that much free time you should be more productive" I wanted to kick my shoe through my Nintendo Switch. Hajime Dumbass she was doing that pretty much every time she wasnt socializing. I think most adhd people have heard that line, "be more productive, focus on the right thing, dont get distracted," I know Hajime is just a kid with unchecked biases but yeah that line attacked me

"Be more productive" kind of like when she was trying to figure out her plans for the future? She's a totally creative dreamer who daydreams of big things like rockets and princesses and motorcycles and tanks, but with her autism she wants to be realistic, and her dad was always telling her to have her goals figured out so she would make money (also pushing her to always be supporting him because "Im your father I did everything for you") so she is stumped because her ideas are for creative scenarios that get limited due to real life: limited finances, sensory issues/motion sickness, and all the pessimism from over time of feeling like a dumb dumb kid. Her dreams were shut down so much she censors herself, and even when her dreams are more masculine and reachable, she's still hesitant to talk, but Hajime told her to settle for being a delinquent. She didnt want that. But she doesnt know what she wants that she can obtain so she's stumped. The fact that she is thinking about her future after graduating when she's also trying to find a way off the island...no thoughts head empty?

She literally stayed up multiple nights freaking out and coming up with plans for stuff, including to capture Nagito again so he doesnt hurt someone, and you think she's no thoughts head empty. Get out of here.

#kazuichi soda is not dumb and the fandom is totally dumb #a rant #long post

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moonlightdancer26 · 2 years ago

Note

Is there a love story behind elloona👀???

I’m glad you asked 👀

To answer your question: Yes. There is, in fact, a love story behind my relationship with @maruke2003.

Here are the names in case you don’t remember:

El/Ellie — @maruke2003

Seph — @halfblood-princes-crown

Astro — @astronova-00

Martina/Mars Bars — @bookwalmartav

Will/Willow — @somesnapefan2

Rose — @rosetheslytherpuffxoxo

Teddy — @teddyscottish

Anyway

I’ll start from the ✨beginning✨

Disclaimer: This is input from both sides. I have told El about this question and we’ve discussed it.

Funnily enough, we met through our first adopted child—Seph. He was the reason El and I became friends, wives, and mothers. 😌

So, I never noticed El, even though she noticed me a little before. I only really noticed her when she began sending Seph Snupin drabbles to try and convert him into becoming a Snupin shipper.

(I’ll get to that in a bit ^)

How we felt about each other before we became friends:

El told me that: “You intimidated the fuck out of me but I wanted to be your friend cuz I thought you were cool.” (😕) Because of my aura, apparently.

And, I feel bad for saying this but, I was a bit weirded out when I first noticed her sending asks to Seph. Back then, I was only friends with four members of the Elloona fam (Seph, Astro, Will, and Martina) and Seph was my fave person on Tumblr. I wasn’t weirded out in a mean-sorta-way, I was just like “hold the phone. who’s this person and why’s Seph friends with them?” because I’ve never noticed their existence before and was curious because they really seemed to love Snupin, so I was like.. there’s a Snupin shipper trying to convert my bestie and I didn’t know about it?😭

******************

Moving on, it had finally dawned on me that Seph didn’t ship Snupin, so I was like *le gasp* and sent him this ask where I expressed my shock over him not shipping Snupin and told him that I can send a bunch of recs. Seph of course refused (🙄). On the other hand, @maruke2003, seeing this, tags me in the replies (all the replies are there in the post I linked btw, so you can go check them out for yourself) and asks me to send me some recs for our wonderful OTP, and I, being myself, decide to create The Ultimate Snupin Fanfic List and list almost 50 fics—in which there are series included (so idk if each part of the series counts as an individual fic). She thanked me for it and noticed that one of the fics I recommended to her was Lily’s Boy by SomewheresSword, so she was like “OMG I LOVE LILY’S BOY” and told me I went a bit overboard. I told her she had wonderful taste and apologised, then she said she opened like 20 new fics and that “we’ll need to chat about Snupin one day cuz YES.”

Here was the exchange, for the lazy ones:

And that was that. I was just like “aight ig they’re pretty cool (if you ship Snupin, I automatically like you, that’s the rule), I hope we’ll manage to convert Seph one day.” I simply moved on with life.

Then around two days later El DMs me, iirc it was about Lily’s Boy (and Snupin fics as a whole), I was kinda like “oh” but replied anyway. We got to talking and it was enjoyable, then we soon started messaging each other everyday. And then boom. Chaotic Snupin-loving besties.

How we became wives:

One day, a random idea popped up in my head: What if El and I had a ship tag for our interactions for both of our blogs? I thought it’d be a fun little touch to both our blogs and so I told her about it, and she said we should make a ship name for us. Then we exchanged some choices and El came up with: ✨Elloona✨

I don’t remember at what point of our relationship did we start calling each other wives, but it just happened. I’m pretty sure it might have started when Ellie edited her bio and added “Moon is my wife” (🥹), and I was like omg let’s do that for each other and so I changed my bio. And we pretty much just went with that.

El and I kinda made flirty comments with each other bc we’re both dirty-minded and we love to make dumb jokes, so I think that’s where it started.

How we became mothers / How we became The Elloona Fam:

One day, Ellie just told me “I adopted Seph” and I was like yoooo. I thought it’d just stop at Seph but El and I soon started to gather up more and more children.

Here is the order of who we adopted:

1. Seph

2. Astro (who declared themselves as our child 🙂)

3. Martina

4. Rose

And we also got siblings for ourselves, Ellie has two siblings—our children’s aunts: Will and Teddy. I don’t have a sibling in the Elloona fam (THE POSITION IS OPEN but if we aren’t that close I’ll have to decline <3), but I suppose I have more than enough irl siblings to make up for that 🤷‍♀️

One day, El came up with a new tag: “The Elloona fam.” And now we just accepted it as our family name. We also created some other tags: “stan the Elloona fam for clear skin,” “Elloona and their first child,” (<- I came up with the first two 😌), “the Elloona fam,” “Elloona fam,” and “the Elloona sisters.” We might create one for the children but they hardly interact. 🙄

So yeah, I guess this just about covers it. Thanks for asking!

#i’m using all the elloona fam tags here btw #->#elloona #stan the elloona fam for clear skin #the elloona fam #elloona fam #elloona and their first child #the elloona sisters #ask #asks

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rocksanddeadflowers · 8 months ago

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Sat here reloading my Tumblr so confused when the other post showed up in my notifications and nowhere else lmao ...

Okay this!!!! Is like one of the only things I actually remember of Toy's backstory god it messes me up.... Assuming this post is bc we made Toy mute lmao. Idk how to directly make Toy say "I love you" verbally unless we make Toy not mute (which you know we can change things!! It's cool!!). (<- also I starting headcanoning that with mute Toy it knows sign language and writing bc of the husband it was created after but it's not an effective communication bc the old lady is losing her sight so she doesn't even really know it can use words to communicate)

BUT!!! We can use subtext (actually might be the wrong term here idk)? Like, Toy loving on her and doting on her in ways that scream "i love you" (hugs/kisses/rubbing her arm or back/etc just general comforting/loving gestures) and it just feels off, but it can't pin why these actions feel so different and wrong compared to washing dishes or trimming hedges. Yes it understands that it dislikes or is confused by these things bc it's not what it is choosing to do, it's being forced, but it doesn't understand why these specific actions make it feel strange. (Marius may be our token idiot dumb babygirl here but he understands consent and intimacy and WILL end up trying to explain how that works to Toy. That even if the old lady didn't mean to cross Toy's boundaries, she did, and that's wrong.)

That's all I have to toss in tho!! I do like the idea of Toy explaining this somehow (probably hard to before it gets it's voice tho? I do like the idea of Marius learning some basic reading skills specifically to communicate with Toy better, and it teaches him better when it does get its voice) and Marius being like "Yeesh, buddy, um..." And trying to figure out how to explain typical marriage relationships and consent and how that lady had very odd coping mechanisms (ha, mechanisms).

Since the other post was not showing up (Tumblr, what did I do to you?)

Gods....CoCaL fans.... I reread TS's story and urgh.. I was right about everything but there's a specific part that.. hnng

I don't know how, but I NEED (emphasis on need) to work this into The Consequences of Creation and Love. If any of you lovelies have ideas, PLEASEE!!!

(Criminal friends very normal friends I am writing with @rocksanddeadflowers and @unsat-and-strange)

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that-banana-headed-bovine · 2 years ago

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GIVE ME YOUR HEADCANONS FOR YOUR FAVORITE BOY. BEST BOY. KARR!

holy crap. the universe does not want me to make this post I SWEAR.

I was having difficulties answering one of the segments of the format you were asking for, so I shelfed it for a bit to think on it. I never came to a conclusion HASODH-

I scrolled thru asks and saw this. Holy moly you have been waiting for so long, if you are still here I would just like to say that I am so sorry for that like. I really meant to get to this sooner--

Well, if the wait has been this long, I had better make my response worth it right. So I’d better get the text format.

wait where is it.

I scrolled through old posts and old asks for like 20 minutes to find the format.

I did not find the format

I typed up a long intro explaining this whole situation, and got started writing the ask

THE PAGE REFRESHED.

TUMBLR AUTOSAVED NONE OF IT.

I also thought I lost THIS draft for a second and nearly screamed. luckily I did not I was just on the wrong blog

this is try number. across all of the times I’ve touched it I don’t actually know. Time two today tho.

Anyway AHSOD I am so sorry for the long wait AND that I will not be using the original format because it has Disappeared. If I do eventually find it, I’ll probably revisit this with anything I missed, but for now I will just be doing my best with what I remember and adding some other nonsense Just Because. I hope this is good asdioh-

Headcanons about Canon and not AUs for once in my life

You know how in TDR, they have that really zoomed out shot at the end of the chase before Karr careens off a cliff where they do a bit of an Oopsie. That oopsie being “there is a very clear way out of this situation. that way is turning left instead of right.”

And you know how in KvK, Karr’s self preservation programming is basically thrown out the window? So that they could throw model cars at each other or sumn I’m not being sarcastic there’s actually a few split seconds where you can see them throwing model cars at each other it’s so freaking funny I highly recommend going back and looking for it if you didn’t see it, it’s like behind the explosion I think, idk the exact timing bc it’s been a while but Yeah

Well. The IRL explanation for these things is almost definitely “because it looks cool”, and I’m definitely making way more of it than there is, but behold. I have basically informed my opinion on Karr’s personality (behind the whole scared for his life thing) from these things. Because, as a hyper-intelligent AI, he really shouldn’t be able to make these sort of “dumb” mistakes, right?

The best I’ve got, then, is that he’s a LOT more influenced by emotions than Kitt is. I don’t know whether I’d go as far as to say that he experiences them MORE, because Kitt clearly does have them... I think he’s just more cautious by nature, so he doesn’t really let himself act on them much. Karr, though? He’s impulsive, and easily swayed off course by panic, anger, sadness, etc. That’s why, despite being just as smart as Kitt is, he often makes far less rational decisions.

He drove off a cliff because he was so scared that he just acted on impulse without doing any of the AI rationalizing stuff we’re used to seeing from Kitt. If he’d have cleared his mind enough to scan ahead and process the routes as he drove, he would have made a different decision. That’s Kitt’s biggest advantage in their fights, and it would be his greatest contribution if the two were ever to team up; both of them can smash things, but only one of them can work properly under pressure.

Even down to his programming--code can be changed, so it’s not the law that we often think of it as. It’s just a very, VERY strong suggestion. Kitt has never tried to change it; he’s never even CONSIDERED it. Karr, though? He reached his breaking point. The thought of continuing to live his life on the run, unable to trust anyone or stay anywhere, was enough to drive him crazy. He COULDN’T bring himself to continue with FLAG--and specifically Michael and Kitt--constantly on his tail. So, he snapped and overrode his very foundation. He’d either get rid of them or die trying.

That’s probably the core of why Devon was so scared of him, without providing much of a concrete reason. Because Karr’s unpredictable, far closer to human than they’d ever expected him to be. Even when he was on their side, they didn’t think they could trust him not to change his mind, or make a snap decision that endangered everyone involved. I think he could have gotten control of it over time, but it definitely makes more sense that they wouldn’t want to work with him in this state. Their response to it is still immoral imo, but if they didn’t fully realize his sentience and just saw it as a programming fluke, then I could see where it seemed necessary. Especially if an accident like that had already happened... Not gonna elaborate on that here; I’ve made a post about it, and tbh I probably shouldn’t have because it wasn’t my idea in the slightest. It’s just such a good headcanon that I basically adopted it immediately AHSIDO (Yes I did credit the fren in the original post, but it still just wasn’t the ideal way to go about it tbh, that’s why I’m not linking either. If you really wanna scroll for it, it is still there so go for it ig best of luck to ye IASHDOHSA, but otherwise it’s really not mine to tell)

Headcanons that are so extremely Not Canon / for AUs

While the Karr that is in canon hasn’t had much time to be in the world, and thus is far less worldly than Kitt is, I would think that it would come much more naturally to him than his brother if given the chance. I mean heck, he developed a whole salesman personality underwater sooo /lh That probably means that he also does that copying thing really well, too. Like, how Kitt picked up on the Trucker jargon that one time and got excited and parroted it for a bit... it happens pretty often, but that’s the clearest example I’ve got right now oops. Anyway, I think Karr does that, too, but incorporates it in a somewhat more stealthy way. Because if he messed up people will be Trying to Murder Him Again.

All I’m saying is. One of them might have a chance of understanding meme culture and that one sure as heck isn’t Kitt.

Like, I actually think that Karr and Michael would have... shockingly similar personalities if Karr actually got to understand the world and himself better? If they’d stop hating each other for a second, I think they’d get along really well. Both loyalty driven, both impulsive due to emotionality, both sometimes make dumb decision because they just care too much... bothwouldprobablydieforKitteventhoughhedhateit oops what’s that my brothers bias showing????

Anyway, how this applies in Human!AU is that Karr can blend into human life really well. Like, he’s just as curious and unsure as Kitt is, but he quickly picks up on the basic behaviors that people around him are routinely using and integrates them so as not to stick out. And then, as time goes on, he just would kind of figure out what it all means himself, to the point where he’s reverse engineered how to be human with quite good accuracy. Whereas Kitt is always very curious and is quite open about it, because why wouldn’t he be y’know he’s not used to hiding, so he’d probably stand out a lot more at first if he didn’t have Michael there to do most of the talking and explain things for him. Idk if that makes any sense but yeah. I just love the thought of Karr actually being the knowledgeable older sibling because he’s had much more time to adjust to his new form, and like he actually has a whole life of his own going on that he’s basically just disappeared into until Michael and Kitt show up. Kitt asks him stuff, and he almost always has an answer. On occasion, those answers are confidently incorrect. But he’s trying OAHSDOIHSA

Also Karr and Michael bickering about basically everything, things that don’t matter in the slightest, while Kitt’s just standing there making sure it doesn’t go too far. The second it starts going south “Why does it matter anyway?” and everyone’s just dead silent. It didn’t matter they just had a bad case of the Himbos.

Like, it’s pretty easy to forget that Karr’s an AI after you’ve been talking to him for a while. But then you ask him something when he’s not worked up about anything, and he provides this Giggachad Massive Brain response and it’s like “oh YEAH”

Love Language

BECAUSE WHY NOT

Actually tho, I genuinely think love language is so important to his character specifically. You can take it as romantic if you want, that’s not how I personally mean it in this case tho. I mean how he addresses the people that he cares about, no matter what the nature of it is.

See, a lot of the (in my mind) misunderstandings about his character stem from how he acted whenever he got a new pilot. Like, with Tony and Rev, it could be easy to think that he was being walked all over by them and that he was entirely aimless. It would also be easy to think that, no, he did have a motivation, because he wanted to steal things + kidnap people. Same with John to a lesser extent, because John never told him to do the bad things, just also didn’t really try to get him to do good things either. So surely Karr chose to do bad because he really, really just wanted to?

But I think that, while it doesn’t excuse his bad decisions (ESPECIALLY not the ones that put people’s lives in danger), a lot of it can be explained by love language. Karr, simply put, has the Acts of Service love language.

The reason Karr let Tony and Rev direct him however they wished is because, after they inadvertently rescued him from deactivation, he felt indebted and was genuinely grateful. He showed it by DOING whatever they asked of him. And all he hoped was that they would get him help in exchange, which they did in about the most awful way possible but yeah.

And then John came along, and Karr is DESPERATELY trying to do the same thing... John never asks for his help with, anything really, but Karr is proactively trying to get him to ask for something. Doesn’t matter what, he’ll do it. It becomes increasingly frustrating when his acts of service aren’t seen as good enough, when he technically had what he needed but was still sorely lacking a friend. And then he started going to truly awful extremes to show through ACTION that he was a loyal friend, that whether John thought he needed a companion or not, he’d be there, he PROMISED.

He also, to a somewhat lesser extent, takes action against those who have wronged him, as if to say “I’m done caring, and I’ll SHOW you how”, y’know? A lot of it was out of self defense, but still important to mention ig.

You could say that this is due to the nature of them being AIs right, like built to provide a service from the beginning so I’m SURE they do feel that way yea. However, I honestly feel like Kitt would express care through basically anything other than that. Like, acts of service are the bare minimum, he’d do THAT for anybody because he was made for it. If he goes out of his way to spend time with you, though--or in an human!AU, if he leans into a hug--then he really does care. So, I really am not just defaulting to this. I think Karr specifically thinks of it as more than his obligation, it’s his great joy to show how much he cares.

I think there were more things, but also this post is so long already what IOASHDOSAD- I’m also . kinda sleepy so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense oo f- And I hope that it’s worth the wait aa ahhh

#knight rider #knight rider 1982 #karr #k.a.r.r.#headcanon #ramblings and nonsense

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mazegays · 2 years ago

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@its-tea-time-darling i am trying to answer your ask but tumblr is being dumb about it so i copy-pasted it here instead and am hoping it works yes hello i am on my computer now and so i feel like i can actually write this out better bc it is. an essay (and no doubt going to get longer when i start writing it v me just thinking about it) i'm sure others may have said similar before, but until very recently i've been avoiding most teresa content lol In this fandom (less so in more recent years than in the past), Teresa is the betrayer and the dead girl. First, she gains Thomas's trust. Then she makes out like she wants him dead--very convincingly. Then she reveal that that was because WICKED made her. And, finally, she dies for Thomas. That leaves Thomas (and us) with a very complicated set of feelings and thoughts surrounding Teresa. Let's try and unpack some of mine.

(if you haven't read fever code and the kill order, you might want to skip or skim this part)

In Kill Order, we first meet baby!teresa--a traumatized little girl, hardly out of toddlerhood, who is found by Mark, Alec, Trina, and Lena in a deserted village. She's got marks showing she was injected with the virus (which is not from the solar flares as WICKED posits, but instead a human bioweapon), but she's fine, marking her as immune. She was witness to the attacks on her settlement and everyone turning into Cranks and subsequently dying. Due to her immunity, Mark turns her over the the Post-Flare Coalition, aka WICKED, at the end of the book, saving her life. She has witnessed more death and had others infected with the virus assume that she's a demon because she's immune. In the second epilogue (and the prologue, where Thomas is swiped and sent into the maze) we see an older Teresa, who is sympathetic to the infected and believes they deserve a chance to be saved because of what Mark, Alec, Trina, and Lena did for her. Throughout Fever Code, we see Teresa through Thomas's eyes. We know from the two years later epilogue of Kill Order that he's five at the time he's brought into WICKED, making Teresa seven and two years older than him; he wouldn't remember the immediate-post infection world the way she does (this particular detail is also something I stew over quite a bit, but that's for another post). They have plenty of differences, and argue over methods even when they're young, but it's not nearly as high-stakes as it is later, and after a while, they're pretty much each other's only friends. At the end of Fever Code, before Thomas is sent into the maze, Teresa admits that she still believes in the possibility of a cure. This is a few years after they have to kill the original Creators. (As this is not her POV, I can guess that she might not know--or might be denying the fact--that it's WICKED who released the Flare in the first place. Thomas doesn't know at all, having been taught along with everyone else that the disease was named after the solar event it was named for--the Solar Flares.) In the epilogue--a memo from Paige to the Council--Teresa and Aris are named as the final candidates. Given the use of the same term in Death Cure (by Janson, to refer to Thomas), plans changed. It also thanks them for their loyalty. Teresa's memo is the more interesting one, here. It confirms that Teresa and Aris kept their memories, and were going to coordinate with WICKED throughout the trials. She truly believes in what WICKED is doing, and that hasn't wavered in her ten years, likely closer to eleven, there. As we know, she write the infamous 'WICKED is good' on her arm, in order to 'plant the seed' in the Gladers' minds.

(if you were skipping, you can stop now!)

In Maze Runner, she tells Thomas she triggered the end, and pretends to know as little as they do--she leads the decoding of the maps, even, when it's entirely possible she already knew the code. She programmed the maze's day and night cycle and the griever hole, after all. We don't know what she sent to WICKED, or when. (Not that there's a lot they didn't already know, with the beetle blades.) She's a key factor in their escape, despite pretty much everyone other than Thomas doubting her and her intentions at first. In Scorch Trials, she must know about the switch before it happens. Thomas can communicate with Aris telepathically, so she and Aris are probably coordinating not only the switch (Group B can't have left for the Scorch before Group A for this to work, despite canonically getting out of their maze earlier.) but also meeting up with the Gladers to kidnap Thomas. She's also the screaming girl in the first half of the book, during their first day in the Scorch. She waits until they're taking a break to stop screaming and leave the building--Thomas hasn't gotten anything from or to her mentally, so Aris must have told her. When Thomas gets close to her, he notes three specific details: She's clean, not dusty and dirty from a day in the desert, she's crying, and her behavior reminds him of Gally right before he killed Chuck. She warns him to get away from her. Obviously when he is kidnapped by Group B, her behavior has switched. She's now angry with Thomas outwardly, for reasons she's not explaining to him, while whispering to him entirely different things. She lets it slip that they were told to kill him by WICKED. Harriet tells Thomas that Teresa has 'hated' him the entire time, that she's acting like killing him is her idea. Trying to convince WICKED, maybe? That she'll do whatever they tell her to, even when it hurts her? After the chamber, she's changed again, and Thomas no longer knows what to feel about her (and neither did I, as the reader, for my first through read-throughs.) It's confirmed at this point that she's been talking to Aris the whole time, including in the maze. Thomas already knew this was a set-up, but this is the first time we see how much of a set-up it is. Free will is almost non-existent for these kids. Of course, when they meet up again, Minho and the Gladers consider Teresa and Aris traitors and don't trust them. Given how much we--and Thomas--now know that they have manipulated behind the scenes (as ordered by WICKED) that is completely fair and expected, especially when they don't know the whole story as Thomas does--but even Thomas giving them details later doesn’t matter. We all know how Death Cure goes--her biggest role in this book is dying for Thomas. She is in Denver, for a time, but Thomas is more with Minho, Newt, Gally, or Brenda, so we don't see a lot of her. With her chip removed, it's now impossible for WICKED to control her--assuming that WICKED removed the chips as they said they would, and assuming that Teresa doesn't still have hers. She's shown to believe in WICKED's mission until the end of the her life. Now, with that summary that was longer than I expected it to be out of the way, let's talk more directly about Teresa's relationship with WICKED. All Teresa knows outside of WICKED is terror and fear. She likely starved for a time, she was attacked and hurt, and undoubtedly would have died on her own or been killed by Cranks. Growing up within WICKED facilities literally saved her life, and she knows that from a young age. Unlike Thomas, she's not angry or upset about being given a new name. She's happy to accept it, because she wants to forget everything that happened outside of WICKED's walls. She wants to forget, and she wants to prove that providing for her was worth it. So she does what they tell her: Kills the Creators, lies to Thomas about his entrance to the Maze (he thinks they're both going in memories intact) and communicates with Aris and WICKED throughout TMR and TST to coordinate meetings. She acts in a such a way that Thomas goes from liking her to hating her to being so conflicted about her that he feels nothing when she kisses him again. Meanwhile, Teresa is doing this to save him, or so WICKED says. They know she likes him, watched them grow up together, and they'll use it against her, against them both. She, like Thomas, is nothing but a pawn in WICKED's game. Every time she thinks she's gaining ground, they reveal another card to put her back in her place. Her firm belief in wanting a cure for the Flare combined with a childhood of being taught only what WICKED wanted her to know, seeking their approval at many turns, leaves her very open to manipulation. This results in Teresa being someone Thomas and the others aren't sure they can trust, because of her past, and Teresa herself just being a teenage girl trying to ensure that the boy she loves, the boy she grew up with, grew up loving, survives at all costs to her. She's the betrayer, sure. But would she do betray Thomas if she thought she had no other choice? I don't think she would. Teresa, even as a secondary protagonist, is far more complex than just being 'the betrayer' and 'the dead girl'. She's a terrified little girl who doesn't want anyone to go through the suffering she saw as a child, and has been given an option to try and end that suffering by working toward a cure. She's a well-fed, well-protected child who knows of the horrors of the world outside but never goes back out to it; the same child is taught whatever WICKED wants her to know. She's a teenage girl who has killed, who may be falling in love with boy-next-door (literally), who still desperately wants to fix the world. Her avenue for saving Thomas and fixing the world isn't a branching path: They're both lined with flashing WICKED signs. If she listens to them, Thomas will be safe. If she works with them, they can find a cure. She can have both. So she writes 'WICKED is good'. She's spreading the seed, trying to convince the Gladers. Maybe that message wasn't for them, though. Not entirely. No. Maybe she was really trying to convince herself.

#teresa #tea #ask box stuff #tmr analysis #teresa character study #teresa analysis #tmr #tst #tdc #kill order #tko #fever code #tfc #mine #long post

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utilitycaster · 1 year ago

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you getting push back on that post is crazy to me isn't it enough to watch and get invested in something for what it is currently rather than what it will be? I have so many unfinished projects in my own life it'd be crazy to demand polished completion from everything I watch/read. my unfinished sketches and embroidery and abandoned dnd campaigns still brought joy and growth without having a polished thing to present at the end

So what's funny to me is like. I have referenced this before here and elsewhere but like, as a child, I was SO bad at ambiguous and sad endings and my mother was like, not unkind about this, but neither did she coddle it, and I think that laid a groundwork that was really necessary.

My tags, which got lost bc I did NOT expect that post to break containment, do actually touch on how Netflix and other streaming services canceling things to avoid paying people a fair wage fucking suck but yeah here's a list of creative endeavors I participated in or watched/listened to/read that do not as of this posting have endings and I still liked, and many of them aren't even directly attributable to capitalism because this is just a fact of life and art.

As mentioned, both A Song of Ice and Fire and the Kingkiller Chronicles.

Multiple D&D campaigns for sure (I actually don't make D&D characters without a game in mind and find it weird that people do and so I'm like why am I the one arguing for the beauty of the incomplete).

Multiple fics, both mine and others.

King Falls AM, a podcast I binged in like 2018-2019 and despite being a mystery never actually completed bc the creators couldn't agree.

I think Battlestar Galactica 2003 is one of the most brilliant shows of its era and also the finale, which happened when the creators intended it to, is really dumb, and that doesn't undo the fact that I loved everything else.

How I Met Your Mother ends really poorly in a way that arguably undercuts the whole series, but like, I still liked that too.

Ditto for Chuck, which also struggles in that it was on the chopping block most seasons so they kept ending in ways that probably weren't true to whatever the original vision may have been.

I saw Firefly on DVD after it had already been canceled, I think Serenity is good but I don't love all the choices, and Joss Whedon has since been revealed to be a dick but like, I enjoyed myself greatly while watching it.

As mentioned, Heroes. I didn't watch much TV until my teens anyway because we didn't have cable and our reception sucked and we were very much a book household, and this was one of the first series I recall watching from season 1 and it's also the first TV series where I was like yeah I don't care anymore, and it went on for 4 seasons and I think I gave up either late S2 or early S3.

I didn't watch Supernatural, Game of Thrones, nor Grey's Anatomy but all of those are famous for outstaying their welcome, sometimes it's better to burn out than fade away, etc.

I had already long outgrown Harry Potter and started to see its limitations by the time Rowling's transphobia became public but like, now it's not something I would ever recommend to my friends' kids or anything, and that doesn't undo the fact that I did greatly enjoy it as a child and teenager; it was indirectly the reason why I was introduced to the superior fantasy of Diana Wynne Jones, which I do still reread from time to time. (I think the "well I never liked it" mentality about works from artists who end up being terrible people is tied into the "I can't get invested in anything that might end in an unsatisfying manner." Tumblr University's media studies grads are not the brightest stars in the firmament, that's for sure.)

Like, cancellation (let alone cancellation specifically because of the unique shittiness of streaming services) is just one of the many reason things might end in a way you dislike or become difficult for you to enjoy at a later date, and that's just talking about television. Are you really going to deny yourself the joy of anticipation and watching a story unfold in real-time because the thought of something not satisfying you at every single turn is so unfathomable?

(oh, and because this is, as we know, a CR blog much of the time, I should add that this mentality is really pervasive which is wild because your average 3-season canceled Netflix show is probably the equivalent of maybe 9-10 CR episodes; thinking about how many people who now claim C2 is terrible watched 141 episodes and also the person who is iconic to me who unironically asked me what the point was in getting invested in characters who will die re: Chetney)

#answered #thespoonisvictory

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ameliasbitvh · 3 years ago

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ahhhh! thank you all soso much for the 300 followers! i just hit 200 last week?! how are there 300 of you? i honestly don’t know, but i started this account as a place to just read smut and then i decided to post on here. the reason why my first post was angst was because i was being a slut for angst to feel something in those few moments- okay i’ll stop myself right there. for this milestone i’m going to do mutual appreciation for the moots i’ve interacted with the most so far! (if we’re moots and u wanna interact pls do, i’m not scary!)

okayy first up,

@underappreciated-spoon-321

i love you so much bby, i could not believe it when you followed me. i was legit crying happy tears and i specifically remember you followed me after i posted “needy” random lol.

your writing is immaculate, absolutely lovely. ur smut *chefs kisses* i love that you put up with my shit photos that i send you and that you actually ask for more- but it baffled me when you first interacted with me, this was my reaction

*deep breath* “omfg! (ur username) just interacted with me, wtf do i do?!” also ur nick name reminds me of belly from dear, draco.

i’m not writing a lot, bc for your sleepover i wrote you a damn paragraph 😭 but i love u sm belly!! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

@dracoskinks

ARI! i love talking to you, bc i can talk about anything and when i say anything i mean anything. like kinks, porn, random draco scenarios, etc… you are one of the funniest people i have seen on this app.

ur blunt and funny at the same time, it just makes it more fun to talk to you. ur smut is soso good, bc i don’t find a lot of smut with a dom!reader and sub!draco.

i remember you followed me, so out of curiosity i checked out your blog and saw your piss kink fic and that did it for me. after that i followed you back and we became moots ajnwja. when ur first account got terminated you scared me so fucking much, because i thought you were going to leave tumblr forever. don’t. ever. play. like. that. again. i’m glad we became moots bc i fucking love you <3

@opalsheart

I LOVE YOU SM! i think u were the first moot that i interacted with in direct messages, bc you had tea to spill, and ever since than we’ve been #4lifers. you send me edits and hate on t*m felton with me on instagram. you were the first mutual to know what i looked like lmaoo. u r an absolute goddess, bestie, like what- i know that you can pull anyone you want, so stop playing when you talk about someone.

even though we have a fucking 12 hour time difference, we still find time to talk to each other. it is so fun talking with you and the fact that when we talk it’s night for one of us. you let me send that stupid tik tok of ed sheeran and t*m felton to you and it probably haunts your dreams now ajnwajsj-

i appreciate that you study ur MF ass off for your exams, bc i could never. and you even send me those cute memes when i wake up- also we better be watching those true crime documentaries, bc i’m still waiting. idc if we have a time difference :) anyways ILY SM ELLIE !! <3

@laceycallisto

okay- where do i even get started with this. we first interacted when i reblogged that draco fan fic and we reblogged talking about how desperate we were trying to find that iconic fic. and i forgot that the creator could see all the reblogging we were doing- you texted me directly about adding my name into your tags, which obviously i agreed to. then we just started talking about random shit like how we were superior because we were june geminis. or how we talked about being in love with remus lupin.

i have vivid flash backs of how your remus fic hurt me. i cried my false lashes off proof reading janajaj- bestie- you’ve seen me cry ajnwja- your writing is ethereal, i don’t know how you can see that? your so nice too, like girly u gave me ur netflix within like a day of knowing each other 💀 we watched bridgerton in two mother fucking sittings. we ate that bridgerton hoe up!

all ur input on the scenes were so funny like the “with child” and “dicking” comments 😭 i love how it’s so easy to talk to you about everything, like how dumb i am- even talking about the privilege of being poc and not burning in the sun. bruh u even let me tag u in dumb tik tok videos, like what?! and i think your the only mutual i have that’s in the same time zone as me… also we better binge the next season. but ily sm, ur like my older sister, even if u say ur life is shitty 😭 <3

@dracomalfoys-wh0re

honestly, kacia. i owe a lot to you for my account being “found” or whatever, bc you reblogged a fic of mine, i’m pretty sure it was “common room” and that’s when i started getting notes and followers najajwjwj- you might not know that but i do 💀 i will forever remember that.

you literally were one of the first accounts ever- to follow me. and i won’t lie, i went crazy when u followed me because i love your fics so much! you are so funny and blunt too i swear 😭

and can we talk about your tom riddle fic? like?!the fact that you really showed tom’s true personality and character. every world had me enthralled further into the fic, the way you wrote him is exactly how i think tom riddle would act towards his s/o. his toxicity and gaslighting is too accurate.

moving on from the discussion of your fic, which is amazing, ily sm babe!!

@yoooespinosa

we’ve interacted a few times and when u texted me directly saying that you thought i was sweet, i literally went, “omg- people think i’m sweet” in a good way, not bad jkwajjw- can i just get started on your writing, because oh. my. fucking. god. it is the most captivating and heart breaking thing i’ve ever seen- the emotions that you put into every word completes the entire fic. every angst piece that you have written, made me cry or made something inside me just twist with sadness. it is truly lovely and magnificent.

how do ur fics not get thousands of notes? because everyone should see what you write, it’s unfair that others haven’t seen your fics. when u explained your dream to me, i swear you practically wrote a whole fic 😭

i remember u said that you wanted to do a face reveal, but we’re scared. bestie what are you scared of? you look like an ANGEL!! and if anyone were to disagree, they are obviously blind. but ily bestie <3

@o-rion-sta-r

BESTIE BAE ORION i love you so much!interacting with you is honestly so fun. and i remember like literally yesterday we were trying to figure out ari’s time zone and we were freaking out. you, ari, and me all have a fucking time difference 😭 it sucks so much!

at least every day you ask me how my days been and i think that’s so sweet, because before i got on tumblr people didn’t ask that question. i appreciate that you ask me that and just random questions in general, because i love interacting with you so much. and you should start writing bby! i will reblog anything you write, also ily sm <3

@ilygw

we don’t talk a lot, but you seem like a fun person! i love seeing all the edits you post on here, bc honestly i need more ferret boy content. i know there is a lot, but i feel like i’ve seen all of them. until i see you posting a new edit and i’m like, “okay… i guess i haven’t seen every draco edit” but that’s all i have lol, ly!!

@arcaneslut

to be honest, you seemed so intimidating to me. i know you said you’re not, but to me you seemed really scary even though i knew you weren’t 😭 i just interacted with you recently and you are so sweet i swear! i love all ur fics, especially “and then i felt nothing” because when i read this fic you better believe i was crying so hard- to the point where i couldn’t breath- everything was written so beautifully, i couldn’t believe it.

i love how one thing we share in common is losing our phones 💀 but i just wanted to say thank you for explaining the whole sleepover and celebration things to me! even tho we just started interacting i already love u!!

moots bc i’m in love with all of them: @just-a-smol-spoon @dreamy-clousds @dracoskinks @unedibledaisyduck @thatsassyhufflepuff @a-aexotic @l0vely-lupin @gothboutique @wolfstar4lifee @littlemissnoname13 @deatthfairy @arcaneslut @ladyvesuvia @laceycallisto @dracossweetprincess @the-lonely-poet-loves-to-weep @realityblocked @harmqnia @yoooespinosa @opalsheart @lilscloud @cupids-crystals @mellifluousart @lunas-kisses @malfoysmainb @klauscarolove @crystxlss @beforeoursunsets @marrymetheonott @queeriacs @electriclocean @dlmmdl @o-rion-sta-r @sfdlm @ilygw @desiredmalfoy @underappreciated-spoon-321 @draco-and-tom @hellounicorn @mugglesthesedays @dracomalfoys-wh0re

if i didn’t tag u it’s bc i can’t tag more than 50 blogs :(

#eve’s 300 moot appreciation

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jonnnysuh · 3 years ago

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Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat. You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place. The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up." The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother. The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways." You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

"I'm about to get on a bus home."

"Well, don't get on."

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped.

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited.

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked.

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside."

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits. You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned. Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

"That exact same one."

"Anything else?"

You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

"Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life. The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were. He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

"So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window. You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first.

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on."

"Chan, right?"

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

"Why? Do you still have a crush on him?"

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

"You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water. You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand.

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best. The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets.

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home. To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

“You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

“You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

“Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed.

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other.

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head.

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

“What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground.

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up. Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

"You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder. "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out. I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked. You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for.

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