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to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky · 8 years ago

Note

You might not be answering since this is from a bit of an old post. Swooping Evil, Glumbumble, pixie, mooncalf and ghoul.

Okay, so first off, THANK YOU lovely anon for sending me this!!!! I love getting asks! And also THANK YOU for actually scrolling back through my blog to even see this! Cause like this is from a while ago! So this is from this Harry Potter Magical Creature Themed Ask. Alright, so here we go!

Swooping Evil: In what way are you often misunderstood?

Hmmm, I feel like I like to think that I’m just an incredibly misunderstood person *sigh* but honestly, I don’t know if that’s just me being overdramatic or if that’s actually true lol.

I’m often misunderstood by people who don’t realize that I’m being sarcastic, which is actually quite unfortunate because it causes a lot of problems.

Like, apparently I look like someone who’s very sincere/innocent (or so I’ve been told) and I come across as kind of shy and sweet (lmao I know) especially to people that I’m not close with. And, I have a very wry sense of humor, like my sarcasm is pretty subtle/dry and I say it pretty straight-faced, and I feel like my sense of humor is a bit more sophisticated/subtle (that’s what one of my therapists told me anyway) and so people don’t always get whatever joke I’m making, and then on top of that, they think I’m this sweet little goody-two-shoes innocent thing who is Sincere™ and all that, so they get all taken aback when I’m sarcastic. They either think they’ve severely offended me or they think I’m being a bitch or they just feel incredibly uncomfortable because they think I’m being honest.

And then of course, I always make everything considerably more awkward and ten times worse by trying to explain my joke and proceeding to talk myself into a giant hole (thanks anxiety).

So, an example of this is how when I was 14 I had surgery on my neck/throat and for several years I had a pretty noticeable scar across my throat. And I used to be super self conscious about it, so I’d try to joke about it anytime someone commented on it. So whenever someone asked me what the scar on my neck was, I’d look them straight in the eye and be totally nonchalant/casual and say something like “oh I got into a knife fight but it’s fine you should see the other person” or “I was kidnapped and held hostage at gun–well technically knife–point, but like it’s fine ‘cause the police killed the guy in a shootout so it’s all good.”

And let me put this in perspective, I was literally the most innocent 14 year old ever. Like, I went to an all girls school, I wore bows in my hair pretty much every day, I never wore makeup, my entire wardrobe was pink, I was a total goody two shoes, I never understood any innuendo or dirty jokes, I didn’t even know let alone talk to any boys, and I didn’t swear. Like, I was so innocent (see the photo below of 14 year old me for reference)

So it was so completely outlandish/absurd because there was no way it was true. So I’d say that as a joke because lmao have you seen me? But like, so many people legitimately believed me and got all freaked out. And eventually I told them I was being sarcastic, but it was always fun to see how fucking gullible some idiots were lol.

So yeah, my humor is often misunderstood. And that example’s pretty innocuous but other times my sarcasm has actually caused legit problems, like with people getting mad at me (one of my teammates and former roommates got offended by something I said (though she never told me what it was specifically I did to offend her so much, but I’m assuming it was something I said sarcastically that she didn’t understand and just assumed was me being rude because in all honesty I’m pretty nice to people and I go above and beyond out of my way to make sure that I don’t ever say anything offensive or that could hurt people’s feelings (since I’m an oversensitive bitch who obsessively overthinks/freaks out/worries/gets hurt by about absolutely everything, I figure that other people might be that way too so I should do my best not to hurt them (and then of course my anxiety + overthinking leads to me being overly cautious not to hurt people’s feelings or say insensitive things))) and refused to talk to me or even acknowledge my existence for almost five months, which was actually a really big fucking pain in the ass because we saw each other literally every day and there are only 15 people on the team but whatever). Wow that was long, lol sorry

Glumbumble: What’s something that makes you really melancholy?

A lot of things lol. I mean, I have a shit ton of mental illnesses/disorders, BPD and depression included, so I spend a lot of time being pretty melancholy lol. Like stupid little things trigger me. Though I guess being melancholy is different than being/feeling depressed, but honestly, I can’t really tell the difference. Because I don’t really just get a little bit sad/melancholy. I get severely depressed. I don’t experience any small emotions, everything for me is turned way up to the extreme (thank you BPD you fucking bitch). I don’t feel things a little bit, or halfway. Everything is intense. So like, if being melancholy is different than being depressed, assuming it’s less intense, then I don’t really know what it’s like because I don’t really experience it. When I’m sad, I don’t just feel melancholy/blue, I feel catatonically depressed and suicidal. So yeah. Sorry that doesn’t really answer that and that was probably waaaaay TMI.

Pixie: Do you like play tricks on people?

Not really. I mean, with my roommate/(former)best friend I always loved to sneak up on her and jump out at her. But honestly, I only did that because she legit screamed and fell out of her chair every single fucking time. And it was hilarious. But other than that, nah I’m not really a trick playing kind of person. Like, I’ll be sarcastic and play tricks on one or two of my friends by pretending that we had an assignment/test that day. But really, I only did that with one or two specific people and it was a joke that we always had because they never paid attention in class and always asked me what the homework was and saved everything until last minute and was just all around super lazy.

Mooncalf: How adorable are you?

Well. Here’s the thing. When I was a child I was absolutely adorable. Like 100% adorable, most likely the cutest child in the room. And like, not just cute looking, but apparently I was super friendly/bubbly/happy/cuddly/sweet/etc. (I say apparently because I can’t fucking remember being that way, hell I can’t even remember the majority of my childhood but that’s a whole other story, but that’s what I’ve been told by all the adults who knew me as a kid). And also, I said/did super cute things and I loved the color pink more than life and always wore bows in my hair. Like I’m not joking I was the fucking most adorable thing ever. (lol I don’t know what happened)

Allow me to prove this point.

Now please forgive me for posting so many pictures, but I like to reminisce about the fact that once upon a time I was actually cute. Like, I honestly don’t know what happened.

As for now, my current level of adorableness is in the eye of the beholder. So basically, to some, perhaps I am adorable but it truly is a question of taste lol.

Aesthetically/physically, I don’t think I am even remotely adorable. Personally, I actually think I’m pretty ugly to be honest (years of self hatred and mental illness tend to do that to you). But I guess to other people I’m probably not absolutely hideous or anything. As for general adorableness, it depends who you ask. So like, to some people perhaps my quirks/oddities are adorable but to other people I’m just crazy as fuck. I personally of the opinion that I am a complete and total loser lol.

I still love pink. And I still like wearing bows/flowers in my hair. I also have this pink piggy hat that I got in middle school that I wear during the winter (my friends all make fun of me so much, but honestly I think the hat is fucking adorable and it’s warm and I don’t care if I look stupid) So on that front, maybe I’m adorable to some people. But it could just as easily be seen as childish and stupid.

Now I have some…erm...quirks that could maybe possibly be seen as adorable in some instances. Like I have this ridiculous thing where I snort when I laugh. I personally find it unbelievably unfortunate and unattractive but several of my friends have told me it’s endearing and that the boy that falls in love with me (lol let’s be real, that’s never going to happen) will think it’s absolutely adorable. I also make the most ridiculous little cat squeaking/squealing noises when I get hurt or am surprised or when I fall down (same with the unfortunate laugh; I personally think it’s embarrassing and unattractive like no other, but I have friends who disagree). Which is another thing, I’m clumsy AF. I trip and stumble and fall a lot. I am personally of the opinion that that’s not even remotely cute, but some people have said that it’s cute/endearing.

I also get really really really distracted by fluffy animals (dogs especially) and will literally stop talking mid conversation to point out a squirrel and go say hi to it (I’m legit like the dog from UP), and I must pet every single dog/cat I see. And I will legitimately have extensive in depth conversations with dogs (I worked as a dog walker over the summer, and one time I accidentally butt-dialed my mom and left her a four and a half minute voicemail of me talking to the dog I was walking lmao)

And I get super enthusiastic about things. And when I’m excited I absolutely lose my shit. Like I get so excited I squeal and jump up and down and talk at 10,000 words a minute. When I smile when I’m super happy, I legit look like a fucking chipmunk (I’ve been told this by numerous people on numerous occasions). Sometimes when I’m super excited I get so hyper and I do a little excited happy dance and hop up and down and wave my arms because I can’t contain my excitement.

I have this awful habit of always singing/humming under my breath because I always have songs stuck in my head. And I literally cannot stop myself from singing along to songs that I like. Also I have a really good memory for song lyrics and lines/quotes, and whenever someone says something that happens to be a line from a song, I literally cannot stop myself from bursting into song and singing the song that they inadvertently quoted. (I have a particularly large repertoire of songs from broadway musicals). And I love different accents and dialects and stuff and I do them all the time, and sometimes I don’t realize that I’ve accidentally switched into some other accent mid sentence.

Basically, I’m a lot like a small child. So if you find that endearing, then you might think I’m adorable. But if not, lol I’m a fucking crazy loser. Anyways, here are some pictures from the past couple years, so you can judge yourself whether or not you think I’m adorable. As I said before, I personally am of the opinion that I am a massive nerd and I am unbelievably uncool and I literally have zero social skills and I am weird as fuck and the definition of a loser. But you can judge for yourself.

(me pretending to be all edgy and cool with my fake tat sleeve at my high school graduation party but I’m legit wearing a fucking flower crown so...)

(for no other reason than the fact that I wanted to climb a tree)

(btw all this money is from a fundraiser for the community service club, which I was co-president of, and my friend and I were counting it to see how much we raised)

Wow that was fucking long. Sorry about that lol

Ghoul: Is there something you do that really annoys people?

Oh definitely. I’m pretty sure that I’m a highly annoying person. Hell I annoy the crap out of myself most days. But the first thing that comes to mind is my ridiculously deep sleep and subsequent alarm clock paranoia. That has driven all of my past roommates nuts. Basically, I am always in a state of severe sleep deprivation because I spend waaaaayyy too much time doing my work (I’m a perfectionist + I have ADHD + OCPD + a learning disability + lots of other super fun psychiatric disorders which means that basically I don’t fucking sleep). And when I finally do sleep, I pass the fuck out. Like I’ll legitimately sleep for 32 hours straight (yes I know that’s not even remotely healthy). And the problem is that some of the medications I take make it so that I cannot sleep. So I have to take another medication so that I can actually sleep. But it knocks me the fuck out, and it makes it really hard to wake up. And the problem is that I have shit I need to wake up for, like classes, team practice, or because I have a shit ton of work to do. And I know that I’m a super heavy sleeper and I get soooo paranoid about sleeping through my alarms and missing classes/other things I need to go to (it’s happened a lot) so I set literally over 70 different alarms on my phone for when I need to wake up. I’ll start the alarms about an hour before I need to get up and have one every ten minutes, and then once it gets closer to the time that I need to wake up, I have an alarm literally every other minute. And I literally keep the alarms going for hours and hours after the time I’m supposed to wake up in case I totally slept through the first set(s) (it’s happened). And because I’m so terrified of sleeping through things, I tend to just not sleep, which of course makes it worse when I finally do sleep.

Basically where I’m going with this is that I am a fucking pain in the fucking ass. I sleep through my alarms and literally don’t even budge and they just keep going off for hours. Yeah. It’s not good. I know it’s a problem. My roommate last year, who was also my best friend, would bring out her angry man voice when my alarms started going off. Her voice would go all low and super angry and she’d say my name really loudly and I swear that would wake me up like nothing else because I was fucking terrified of her. She’d bark out my name and I’d instantly wake up and start apologizing while wildly fumbling to shut off the alarms (and then of course I’d fall back asleep the second I turned a bunch of them off and have no memory of this whatsoever because I wasn’t actually awake it was just like an unconscious stress response to her man voice and then this would happen again a few hours later when my alarms went off again). And I always apologized to her so much over this, and we’d laugh about it (when neither of us were trying to sleep) and about how her grouchy/angry man voice is so low and how I’m legitimately terrified of it. Plus she did tons of really annoying/bad shit as a roommate so she couldn’t get too mad at me. She more just got grouchy when she was trying to sleep, which is totally understandable. Plus I know I’m beyond annoying like that, and I feel awful about it, but it’s a medical problem and I can’t really help it, but I am working on it so :/

Wow this was crazy long and way more information than anyone wanted to hear, and frankly, I doubt anyone will even read this (which makes it even more absurd that I spent so fucking long writing this but whatever).

Anyways thank you for sending me this ask and sorry for taking a while to answer it and for also giving waaaaaaaaaaaay TMI on it. I hope you have a lovely day!

Lots of love,-Lia

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