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cowgurrrl · 5 months

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How I Get Myself Killed

Pairing: Javier Peña x CIA!reader

Author’s note: god I hate writing endings

Summary: When it rains, it pours [2.7k]

Warnings: canon typical stuff, idk man it’s midnight and I’m tired if you’ve read this far, you get it

Besides the Palace of Justice massacre and the burning of thousands of documents that would've helped to extradite Pablo Escobar to the United States throwing a wrench in things at the Agency, it's also given you a massive headache. You've been stuck in back-to-back meetings about communist activity all day and trying to talk Lou down from grabbing a machine gun and going off into the jungle himself. Noonan is still hesitant about letting you back into the field even though she's cleared you because of that kid Javi and Steve picked up, who is currently being interrogated by Colonel Carillo. On top of that, Southern Command has decided to pull the resources offered to the DEA and redirect them to fight against M-19 radicals. Javi is pissed, Steve is worried about Connie, and you're stuck at your desk, listening to wiretap information and making notes. It's a fucking nightmare.

You know Escobar made the connection with M-19, and you know if you had the clearance, you could have that information and witnesses ready to go by the end of the week. But the CIA wants to focus solely on the fact that the Palace of Justice was taken over by a communist group. To them, it means fuck all if Escobar had anything to do with it. A stint in a political office, hundreds if not thousands of sicarios at his disposal, millions of dollars, a kidnapped CIA agent, and an attempt at a government takeover, and still, the CIA won't consider Escobar a higher security threat than communists. You throw your headphones off, unable to listen to the staticky recordings anymore and bury your face in your hands.

It's been days now. You've spent practically every waking second in the office, and when you manage to make it home, you don't sleep. When you do, you're woken up by nightmares every few hours. The lack of sleep has made you jumpy and annoyed by every little request asked of you, especially if the person asking even utters the words M-19. You want this investigation to be over so you can move on. So you can get closer to Escobar. So you can sleep through the night for once.

"You alright there?" A sweet voice asks, and you pick up your head to see Colleen, Ambassador Noonan's secretary, standing there. She's always been nice to you, often sharing stories back and forth when she drops something at your desk or you catch each other near the coffee pot. With the right amount of pressure, she will spill her guts to you about the inner workings of the Embassy, which has worked out in your favor more than once. She's young, a little naive, and a horrible gossip, but you like her.

"Yeah. Sorry," you say, smoothing your shirt and smiling at her. "Things have been a little chaotic recently. I'm sure you know all about it."

"Oh, yeah. The Ambassador's been getting call after call every day since the siege. I think everyone's running around like a chicken with its head cut off," she leans in to whisper to you. "Well, everyone except DEA." You chuckle at that and hold your hand out for the file in her hand. She passes it over, but you're more interested in what she knows than Lou's scribbly handwriting.

"I mean, I'm sure you're right, but what makes you say that?”

"Besides the fact that they've been arguing with Colonel Wysession at every turn," she glances around. "Peña and Murphy have been off base at the same times on the same days this week. You know I don't like to gossip, but I wouldn't be surprised if they're out... getting intel." She raises her eyebrows at you to ensure you get her meaning, and you shake your head.

"I'm sure they're off on some wild goose chase just like the rest of us," you barely believe the words as they leave your mouth, but she seems convinced. "Thanks for the file, Colleen." She leaves an adorably mid-western "you betcha" thrown over her shoulder, and you're left alone with your clunky headphones.

Now that you're thinking about it, you can't remember the last time Javi or Steve passed you in the halls. Sure, the days have blended together, but normally, they make themselves known by appearing at your desk with some request or even just a cup of coffee. If it's not one of them, it's both. Noonan might've made them take a walk or even ordered them off base for arguing with Lou, but they would've told you before they left. Then again, they're agents just like you. You don't like people knowing every move you make, so you can have plausible deniability. Something pricks at the back of your skull, but your phone rings before you can let it develop. You answer the call with your last name and hear someone shuffling on the other line.

“¿Puedes venir aquí?” Javi asks in a hushed tone. Speak of the Devil. He sounds stressed, and you can feel the anxiety rolling off him through the phone. You look around to make sure nobody's paying attention to you and sigh, holding the phone closer to your ear.

"¿Ahora?" You ask, and he hums.

"Sí, ahora."

"Soy trabajando."

"Please," he says. “Sabes que no preguntaría si no fuera importante.” You take a deep breath and check the time on your watch. There are still a few more hours left in your work day, but you've clocked enough overtime this week that, realistically, nobody could argue with you for leaving a little early. You'd also love an explanation as to what he's been doing. If Colleen has noticed, the likelihood that somebody else has is high enough to make your palms sweat. And even if this is the kind of call you would expect from Javi, you know you can get it out of him one way or another.

“Será mejor que hagas que esto valga la pena.” You don't even wait for him to respond before hanging up and standing from your desk. You gather your things quickly before anyone can see you leaving. What's a few hours spent playing hooky from work when dealing with cartels and coups, right?

When you knock on Javi's door, you're half-expecting him to pull you into his apartment before you can even say a word and fuck you until you're both too spent to even think about the horrors of the day, let alone dwell on them. So, to say you're shocked when Steve opens the door and greets you is an understatement. "C'mon in," he drawls, opening the door wider for you to enter. You furrow your eyebrows but step over the threshold, searching for Javi, only a little frantic.

The walls, as usual, are decked in the stock art that comes with the apartment. When you asked him about it, he just shrugged and reminded you that you guys aren't supposed to be in Colombia for long. You get it. Why make something homey if it's not actually home? Still, you've put up pictures and decorations in your apartment to make the miles between you and your hometown seem smaller. As you make your way down the hallway, the main thing that tells you this is his apartment is the smell. It's a mix of tobacco, the leather of his couch, and the cologne he's prone to wearing when he knows he has to be in meetings and impress the higher-ups. One whiff of it, and you already feel your shoulders relaxing. At least until you find him.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." It escapes your lips before you can stop it. Seeing a DEA agent talking to an M-19 revolutionary will do that to you. You recognize her from the photos pinned to the corkboard in the office. She doesn't look as big and scary now as she does next to other guerillas with long criminal records. Here, on Javi's couch, she looks terrified. "This is the informant you've been talking about?"

"She needs help," he says, almost pleading, and you huff. "And you know more about M-19 than we do."

"Yeah, I also know how much they want for her fucking head, Javi. I can't believe you've known where she was this whole time and didn't say anything. They could try you for treason for this."

"I told you she'd be pissed," Steve says, and you glare at him over your shoulder.

"I don't know why you're acting so smug. Your hands are just as dirty as his," you feel like their mother with your scolding, but you don't know what else to do. You take a deep breath and cross your arms over your chest as you try to tamp your temper down. "How long has she been here?"

"Couple days," Javi says, bowing his head a little like a kid in trouble, and you feel your patience thin.

"Days?" You say. "Have you not been in the meetings where they're discussing tearing the communa apart to find her? And you've just been keeping her here, not even ten minutes down the road?"

"This is probably the last place they'd look." Javi defends, and you scoff.

"Probably," you repeat, more annoyed at Javi's shitty idea of sheltering her than anything else. You pace for a minute or two, your mind swirling, before he stands and walks over to you, his hands coming to your shoulders in a familiar gesture. The muscles in your jaw unclench just enough, and you pause your panic when he looks at you in the way he knows makes you fold. You sigh and glance at Elisa. She looks scared. You're sure the gun on your hip does nothing to make her feel better.

"Just… trust me," Javi says softly. You look between him and Elisa one more time before, against your better judgment, sitting down at one of the bar stools in Javi's kitchen.

"Start at the beginning."

Steve settles against the wall next to you, too anxious to sit, while Javi paces and talks. He explains it all. Elisa meeting Connie at the clinic, her involvement with M-19 and Escobar, and how she ended up in Javi's apartment. Steve chimes in every so often with his own side and ideas for what to do now that you're all involved, but none of them are positive.

"I've got somebody in Cumaral who's sympathetic. She'd be willing to hide her until she can testify. We just need to get her there soon." Javi says finally. You're about to open your mouth to offer to drive before remembering the hit still out on you and the fact that you'll probably be stuck in meetings about this exact topic for the foreseeable future. It seems to connect for Steve at the same time because he sighs heavily and rubs his temple.

"I can drive her early in the mornin' and be back by tomorrow night. Noonan wants me to stay with Gaviria while you go to Cartagena anyway." Steve says, looking at Javi, and your brows knit together in confusion.

"You're going to Cartagena?"

"We have intel that Gacha's there. I'm going in... an observational capacity," he says, and you squint at him. You're about to call him on what he's actually going to do in Cartagena until you remember Elisa's presence. The likelihood that she'll repeat any of this to anybody is slim, but you're not willing to take any chances. You give Javi a we'll-talk-about-this-later look and turn back to Steve.

"Hide her in the backseat and take Connie with you. Make it look like a day trip out of the city. They'll be less likely to pull you over if you make it seem like a date or something."

"Woah, woah. Connie isn't a part of this."

"She became a part of this the second she handed over a ticking time bomb," you say. Steve looks like he wants to argue, but you beat him to it. "Or we can just sit on our asses and hope Lou doesn't bust down that door and hang us all out to dry." Steve grinds his teeth and shakes his head as he thinks, and you know you've got him right where you want him. Even if you didn't, you know there was no way in Hell Connie was gonna let him do this alone. Not when she's been so involved up to this point. He curses under his breath and scrubs a hand down his face.

"She better give the best fuckin' testimony anyone's ever heard," he says, and you nod. Once you iron out a few more logistics together, Steve goes upstairs to explain the plan to Connie, only a little pissy that he's the one having to execute it. The second he's out the door, Javi turns to Elisa and clears his throat.

"You mind givin' us a minute?" He asks and she stands from her place on the couch. You feel bad discussing plans about her without asking her opinion or what she wants to do, but you figure it's only fair. If she wants immunity, this is the price she has to pay.

"Thank you for this." She says, her voice small. You chew on the inside of your cheek and nod.

"Like he said, you better make this worth it," you say. With that, she walks down the hallway, into Javi's office, and closes the door to give you some privacy. It's quiet for a few seconds, the two of you reveling in the unexpected peace in the eye of the hurricane, and his knee bumps yours. It's his MO: intentional gestures small enough to get played off as accidental. It's his way of trying to get back on your good side. You rub your eyes and resist the urge to drop your head against his chest. "When were you gonna tell me you're going to get Gacha?"

"I'm just going to see if he's actually there."

"Is Carillo going with you?" You ask, and he gets quiet again. It's all the answer you need. "If Noonan is sending men with you, he's there, which means you're walking into a war zone."

"He has his kid with him. He might go peacefully," he says, obviously trying to placate you. You give him a look. "I'm on orders to bring him in alive if possible." You open your mouth to say something, but you're cut off by the sound of your sat phone ringing. You sigh in exasperation, grab the phone with one hand, and snake the other around Javi's neck, keeping him close. He doesn't look displeased with the sudden affection and almost keens into you when you run your nails through his hair and answer the call.

"Are you off base?" Carillo says in lieu of a greeting, and you roll your eyes. There's no way you've been gone for over an hour and a half, and they already need you back?

"Getting lunch. What's up?"

"Castillo's ready to sing. Figured you should be here when he does." He says. You hesitate. Not even a full week in custody, and the kid is talking? What the fuck did Carillo do to him? Do you even want to know?

"I'll be back in thirty. Go easy on him until then." The words are barely out of your mouth before you hang up. Javi tucks your hair behind your ears, pulling your attention enough to get you to look at him.

"Go. Steve and I'll keep you updated. If anything goes south, you'll be the first to know." He says. It's meant to be comforting, but the icy fear ribboning around your spine doesn't let up. You nod anyway.

"You come back in one piece, do you hear me?" You ask, poking him in the chest to make your point, and he grabs your hand.

"Loud and clear," he says, squeezing you. You stay like that for another few seconds, knowing this is the closest you'll get to be until this whole thing blows over, and savor the feeling of his warm hand in yours. Hopefully, it’s not the last time. Don't be a fucking hero, you think. You count to three and stand, letting him go and gathering your things in one swoop. He walks you out like a gentleman and kisses you like someone looking for salvation in all the wrong places.

On the drive back to the Embassy, you try to remember what you thought your life would look like when you joined the CIA. They warned you it’d be lonely and you’d have to make hard decisions in the best interest of democracy or whatever other bullshit they fed you in the Academy. You don’t think you were prepared for just how lonely and helpless it can make you feel. You should be helping Javi and Steve but instead you’re being called back to witness whatever horrors were done in the pursuit of information.

“Everyone has to sacrifice things in this line of work,” one of your instructors told you at your graduation ceremony. You thought you were prepared. When Colonel Carillo leads you down the dark hallways and to the bloody nineteen-year-old mumbling prayers under his breath, asking for forgiveness, you know there’s nothing in the world that could’ve prepared you for this. And nothing in the world could’ve prepared you for what more you were about to give up.

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askinkiskarma · 2 years

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The Archer | Chapter VI: The Great War

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Summary: Your secret meeting with your dad brings out the worst in you and your mate. The RDA go after one more tulkun in the beginning of the biggest fight of your lives - for your lives.

Pairings: Neteyam x Avatar!Reader

Word Count: 9.7k words

Warnings/notes: lots of angst, mentions of death, blood, violence, cursing, SPOILERS for ATWOW

A/N: I apologise in advance for the next few chapters, but I am feeling feelings and you have to feel them with me!! This chapter took a little longer than expected, but I am trying to not kill myself juggling everything I currently have going on. As always, thank you so so much for engaging with the story, and replying, liking, reblogging, following etc etc. (all the good things). Ily all and can't wait to share the rest w you soon xoxoxo

You drew up some good faith treaties, I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

You said I have to trust more freely, but diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talkin’, screamin' from the crypt

Telling me to punish you for things you never did, so I justified it

You were hyperventilating a little, entering the tent that you now called home and revelling in the silence, which you needed desperately to make sense of what just happened. They did it, they killed a tulkun. You’ve heard from the Metkayina that they were doing that, far away from the village, but now they did it here. You knew instantly it was a ploy to drive Jake out, drive you all out, and you wondered meekly if Jake would answer. Even if he didn’t, you didn’t think the Metkayina would just let this slide. Your dad, your dad left you a message. And you lied about it. Why would you do that? What in tarnation possessed you to do something so stupid? You lied to Jake, to Neytiri… to Neteyam.

You were mad, mad at Jake that it had to come to this point. You told him, you fucking told him months ago. You should have never run, ever. You told him they would find you eventually, you told him innocent beings would get hurt as a result of hiding. Death would follow you wherever you went because the RDA wouldn’t just give up, and they had very little to lose. People were disposable to them. You, on the other hand, all had everything to lose.

You were mad at your father, for yet another atrocious act. You were mad that he desecrated any good association you had with his memory once again and made you hate him, hate yourself for having any connection to this cruel, sick, twisted individual. You were mad at your mother, who chose him, who allowed him to be your father, who protected and defended his honour and memory your entire life and in death, and you wondered what spell he put on her that she was so so blind about this man.

You should just tell them. Tell your family and take them with you and just kill him. Your heart sank as you considered that he might kill them on the spot if he notices anyone else with you. Maybe they could take the ilu? Maybe you and Jake would be enough to take him down. You didn’t like how much your brain was screaming in pain at the thought, at watching your father, that you’ve never even met before, lying dead on the ground, bleeding out in front of you. Why should you care? Why do you care? Why did you lie? It was painful, near damn unbearable having to admit to yourself that you wanted to see him, you wondered what he had to say for himself, this man that has been an almost mythical thing in your life, that gave you self-loathing issues you can’t outrun and haven’t outgrown, this man, this man, this man.

Maybe it was a trap. Maybe he wanted to draw you out to kidnap you, to use you as leverage to draw Jake out. Maybe he knew from Spider how close you were to the Sullys, knew you were bound to the hip with Lo’ak, knew you were mated with Neteyam, and that you would perhaps bring them along and he can get a Sully kid to threaten and manipulate the former Olo’eyktan. It was a good plan, you thought, except you would go alone, and you were more than capable of killing anyone who tried to get in your way. Your dad would learn that soon enough, as you were determined to finish this, once and for all, and free yourself of this burden and this nightmare that has plagued you far longer than anything else has.

Neteyam came into the tent before anyone else did, looking at you curiously.

“Are you alright? You seemed quite shaken after seeing the tulkun.”

Calm yourself. You couldn’t lie to Neteyam. It was one thing having kept that you were sick, it was one thing to lie by omission. You couldn’t lie to your mate, but you had to try.

“Can you blame me?”

He sighed, then approached you, pulling your body into a warm hug. His hand went to the back of your head, softly stroking your hair with the pad of his thumb in a calming motion. The guilt was eating at you, deep and unpleasant at his trusting, loving nature. You sniffled into his chest, soft tears escaping you and landing on him. You were crying because you were scared, because you felt like you were betraying your family, the only family you’ve ever known for a man who could be killing you tomorrow, or using you to kill them. You didn’t know what was wrong with you.

“It’s alright, Atan. We will be alright. Dad will come up with a plan.”

You didn’t say anything, afraid that any words out of your mouth will be a dead giveaway and Neteyam will be able to see right through you, as he usually could.

The evening was quiet and tense, as your family returned to the tent after helping Ronal and Tonowari. There will be a funeral for Ro’a, and traditional rituals will take most of the morning tomorrow as a final farewell to the tulkun and her calf. Luckily, Tuk slept in between Neyriti and Jake tonight, and with a big lump in your throat and a thumping heart, you went to sleep nestled in Neteyam’s embrace.

You waited patiently for everyone to be fast asleep around you, room filled with deep, regular breaths. You knew as soon as Neteyam fell asleep, as he twitched when he did, then started snoring softly in your ear. They were all light sleepers, except for Tuk and Lo’ak, trained soldiers, ready at a moment’s notice for trouble, ready for battle. You had to be careful, you had to put all that Na’vi stealth training to good use.

It took a while, but eventually you made it out, carrying a handgun that you managed to remove silently from the tent, without having alerted anyone, and pushed passed the village into the mangrove forest where Neyn was. When you were sure you were past the point anyone could have heard you, you let out your calling cry, and you watched as your beautiful banshee made her way to you, cooing gently at your sight.

“Did I wake you, sweet girl? I’m sorry, but I have to do this.”

You got on her, making Tsaheylu, and felt concern in her as she took you away in the dead of night, and without your mate to accompany you. She was a little scared, as she was very rarely on her own, Seze always keeping her company on such late nocturnal rides.

You rode for a while, loving the feeling of the warm air on your face, loving being back on your ikran, that you used to fly with every day in your old life and you sighed soundlessly, knowing an ilu will never compare to this feeling right here, to this beautiful creature you knew was your spirit sister. You thought about Neyn, and how you would feel if you lost her, if she was killed, and you felt her wobble a little mid air as the intense emotions on your mind engulfed you both. You tried to calm yourself for her, so she could keep a steady pace and a straight path. She was here, she was okay, there was nothing to worry about.

As was made clear in the crude note, about 10 kilometres east of the village was a small island with nothing on it that you could reasonably see except a deserted beach and a couple mangroves. It was small enough to know it was empty and safe, big enough to shield you both from any suspecting eyes.

A man was waiting for you. An Avatar, he was tall and muscular, dressed in the same camo outfit as that night months ago, the night you almost died at Alien hands, just like so many Na’vi did before you. He was beautiful, you thought. Even in this form, you could recognise the traits you got from him, and you knew then anyone would be able to tell you were related, no matter which body you inhabited.

“So it’s true.” You heard yourself saying, trying to reconcile the thought that this man was indeed your father, brought back from the dead.

“What exactly are you? Are you an Avatar? You’re not controlling a body with your mind through a neurolink, so I guess Avatar is a bad name for it. Abomination would be my preferred trademark name, if you’re taking suggestions for T-shirts or action figures.”

He wasn’t speaking, just looking at you intently, and you swore you saw the glimmer of tears in his eyes. He came closer to you. Your hand picked up the gun you had tucked in your loincloth and pointed it straight at his face.

Your thumb went to the hammer, that you pulled down. With the gun loaded and your index finger on the trigger, you saw the man flinch briefly, but he recovered immediately and continued to stare at you, at your face and features.

“You have your mother’s eyes.”

Your hand slightly trembled on the gun.

“Stop. Whatever father daughter reunion you had in mind, you’re gonna be disappointed. I’m here to make you answer for your crimes.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. Fuck, that’s where you got that from.

“If you were here to make me answer for anything, you would’ve brought Jake Sully with you, or any of the kids you were with that night.”

“You mean the night you almost killed me?”

“Also you had no way of knowing this wasn’t a trap, but you came alone anyway. You put yourself in harm’s way to meet me here in secret. Just like I did.”

You don’t really have a comeback for that. So maybe he wasn’t some jarhead dropout after all. Didn’t matter. He’d be dead in a few minutes anyway.

“I know you must have a million questions, just like I do. Can you please lower the gun so we can talk?”

“I only have one question for you. How do you sleep at night?” Your eyes welled up, angry tears like needles, prodding, begging to be released. “You killed a Tulkun. Just like you killed so many Na’vi. How do you live with yourself?”

“I didn’t kill the Tulkun -“

“Do you think you’re gonna get away with this on a fucking technicality? Do you think that telling me it was all Quaritch is going to make this fucking better somehow?”

He looked pained for a moment, gaze shifting from your face to the ground. He looked embarrassed.

“You’re right, it doesn’t.”

A silent sob escaped your lips. “Why? That was someone’s spirit sister. She was a beautiful creature, she didn’t deserve to die.”

“Quaritch wants to bait you out in the open. He hoped that if he did that, you would attack.”

You hissed loudly. “And what did you do? Watch?”

He recoiled a little at your words, embarrassment still ever present on his face.

“Pretty much.”

“That’s just as bad. Inaction is just as bad.”

“Inaction is necessary when you’re using them to find a daughter you have never met. I had to take that risk, I had to say nothing, and I don’t fucking regret it. You’re here, aren’t you?”

“Not for long. I have nothing to say to you.”

“You do. I know you do, because you’re here. Please, just give me a chance. I need a chance.”

He sounded desperate and your welled-up eyes stung now, trying so hard to keep the tears in, trying to be strong, trying to not humour him, to not show him that this was tearing you apart, tearing apart all of the stitches of your patched up pretty new blue heart.

“Please, put the gun down.” Your lips trembled and fingers twitched on the trigger, and with a loud curse, you lowered your arm.

“You know, I could have killed you that night. I killed two of your little friends, had you in my shot. It would have been an easy kill.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

Your eyes moved from him to somewhere behind him, thinking hard, trying to justify it to yourself as much as him. It took a few minutes of introspection to figure out you had nothing.

“I don’t know.”

He moved from where he was and sat down by the beach, in a tiny enclosure that was shielded from areal view by the trees, but still overlooked the beautiful sea, flowing back and forth with soothing waves. He looked up at you expectantly, and you moved to a rock a little further away from him, facing his body, prepared for any possibility. He sighed.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“So, how did this...” You pointed with your gun, that you unloaded for the moment, all over his blue body. “...come to be?”

“When I first came to Pandora, part of the contract stated that if I die, I give permission for them to put my consciousness in an Avatar body so they can revive me in case they need me again. They did the tests and took the chip that contains…well, me… right before the last battle.”

“Why would you agree to that?”

“I didn’t really have a choice. I needed the job, I would have signed anything, done anything they asked.”

“Why?”

He didn’t look at you as he spoke, but to the distant sea, fiddling with his fingers.

“I had a daughter. Back on Earth. Her name was Sarah. She was everything to me, and she got sick. I worked for the Air Force at the time, but they let me go after I sustained an injury in the war they said deemed me unfit for service. The money I was getting on vet benefits was not enough, not enough to save her, not enough to matter. Then I found a job offer for the RDA, a mission to a beautiful far away planet. The pay was phenomenal, and I knew I was good enough to be accepted. I had accolades up the wazoo, and was desperate - exactly what they needed. They gave me the first pay check before we took off, and I had to have faith that the money was going to be enough to save my baby girl. When I came out of cryo, six years later, I found out she had died.”

You saw light reflecting a tear dropping on his face, and your heart hurt painfully in your chest. You have wondered for years, your whole life, what could have possibly gotten this man to give up a life on Earth for such a despicable cause, and now that you knew, you didn’t know if it was relieving you of your guilt or not. On one hand it did, because it was as good of an excuse as it got, but on the other hand, it amplified it at the horrid ways you have thought about your dad all these years. You thought him a cold-hearted killer, a monster. Turns out, just like Jake, just like Neteyam, just like you, he was just willing to give up his own life, his peace of mind, for someone he loved.

“I’m sorry.”

He smiled a sorrowful smile at you. “It was a long time ago. But anyway, when I found out, I was in pieces. Whatever heart I had left, my little baby took with her. I was jaded and broken, and wanted nothing to do with this world. But these men and women, the soldiers I met, they became my family in time. They pulled me out of a very dark place, and in turn I gave them my undying loyalty and whatever little was left of my soul. I knew then I would protect them with my life, and with the life of the Na’vi, if needs be. It wasn’t right, but it is who I am. Who I’ve been since as long as I remember. A soldier, an army man. I fight for my country, I fight for the job and for the squad, and I don’t complain, and I don’t question it. It was a good way of living, easy to digest, it helped me sleep at night.”

“And then I met your mother.” His smile changed from one filled with sadness and pain to a happy one, a melancholic one, filled with love and wonder. “She was a shock to the system, to every system. She was kind, and loving, smart and curious, soft and patient, but also the most badass, brave, strong person I knew. It was such a complex mixture, I didn’t think anyone like that could exist. But she did. And, somehow, she saw me. She saw more in me than what I thought I was, she saw who I could be, who I think I wanted to be all my life without ever realising. I fell so deeply in love with her, I could feel my heart beating again. She was everything to me.”

The tears were falling freely down your face now, and you didn’t have it in you to stop it, didn’t have any power over your own mind, who had trouble understanding what it was going through, all the information it had to come to terms with in such a short span of time.

“Spider said she died.” His voice broke as he said that, and you tried to compose yourself from becoming a sobbing mess.

“Yeah… she did. When I was ten. Cancer.”

“Ovarian?”

Your eyes snapped to him, not being able to stop the shock on your face.

“Her sister and grandmother died of ovarian cancer, too.”

You didn’t know that. She has never told you that.

“Are you an Avatar? I didn’t think it was possible for them to make Avatars on Pandora.”

“I’m not an Avatar, technically. I used to be, but I did the consciousness transfer, just like Jake did almost 20 years ago.”

“Why?”

You sighed loudly. You didn’t know whether you could trust him, whether he would use the information you gave him to betray and hurt you. But at the same time, you have waited for this chance your whole life. You have wanted to speak to the man in front of you, wanted to bond with your dad that you never even met, and so you had to try.

“Multiple reasons. From an objective point of view, my human body wasn’t made to survive this world. I was stuck in a lab for 18 years, or stuck to an oxygen mask. It wasn’t ideal. From a subjective point of view, I fell in love. With this planet, with the Na’vi… with a boy. My mother and the scientists made me this Avatar so I can live my life the way it was meant to be lived: giving myself fully to it. So when I felt ready, I committed by becoming one of the people for life.”

“There has to be more to that story. I know we don’t have a lot of time, but please, just tell me everything you can.”

So you did. You spared little detail about your mostly miserable existence, hoping that it would make him feel like shit that he didn’t try harder to be part of your mother’s life, that he didn’t forsake his kinship bond with the murderous soldiers and ally himself with the Na’vi when he had the choice, perhaps ensuring his survival, and the presence of another parent in your life.

“Jake found me in the woods, and brought me to Norm and Max, but then my heart stopped for 30 minutes. In those 30 minutes, I saw her. I saw mum, and she told me the truth. That the cancer wasn’t what really killed her. What killed her was your death, that she was never able to get over. She was so depressed, so lost, she chose to die than become one of the people. I realised then I did the exact same thing throughout my whole life, and that I wanted more time, to heal, to love, to live. So Eywa gave me a second chance at life. And I took it. I cured the virus, I became Na’vi, and now I am here. That’s pretty much it.”

Gideon’s head was spinning with the influx of information that was being thrown at him. It was so hard, hearing everything, hearing everything he’s missed. It was hard to deal with knowing this girl sitting in front of him, beautiful and blue, a strong Na’vi warrior, was his, and that whoever she was, he had no part in it. His heart constricted hearing how much pain you have had to endure, how hard your life has been, and know he was directly responsible for at least some of it. His mind echoed with your words about his Jo, about how she died, about whyshe died. The hatred he felt for himself, for his actions and inactions quickly reached an all-time-high, and he almost prayed you’d change your mind and point that gun at him again and finish the job.He couldn’t speak, so he just stared into the abyss, hoping that words, any words would come to him, knowing they won’t, knowing no words would be enough, no words would ever erase or change the damage he had done, the anguish you’ve had to endure.

“This... Neteyam. Is he a good kid?”

He saw you smile softly, almost bashful at the mention of this boy who was in a lot of your stories, who seemed to shine a light on your otherwise dark life.

“He’s the best. We’ve been through… a lot. And it’s not always been easy, in fact, for like a year and a half he was a lot of the reasons I hated this life, I wanted it to end. But whatever’s ever happened between us, our differences, our fights, it’s never been out of lack of love. On the contrary. I think both of us love each other a little too much for either of our sakes.”

“Does he treat you well? Do they all… the Sullys, the village, do they treat you well?”

You smiled again, at him this time, and Gideon swore his whole body stopped - your smile, your eyes, the glimmer in it… Jo. His Jo was still here. His Jo lived so well within you, every ounce of you a walking reminder of the woman he loved more than life itself. Soft, and brave, and strong, and smart and curious… like Jo.

“They treat me well. They always have. I was the one who pushed them away for years, but their love and desire for me to be in their lives never wavered, and I could not be more grateful. They gave me a family, and a place of belonging. They gave me a squad, and I would do anything for them.” Your expression shifted suddenly, to a hard one, one directed at him. “Anything.”

“Why are you here? Are you here to sell me out? Are there people spying on us, tracing back where I came from so they can find Jake? Are you here to kidnap me? You either set me up, or you took a big risk leaving that message for me, hoping no one would see it, hoping no one could read it. Which one is it?”

He hated how the first thing you thought of and associated him with is vile and cruel, and underhanded, but he couldn’t blame you. He didn’t have the best track record, otherwise he wouldn’t be standing here right now.

“If I wanted you kidnapped, or found, you would have been kidnapped, or found. Do you think I don’t know you and the Sullys are in Awa’atlu?”

You mouth fell agape, eyes wide and ears pushed back at the new piece of information. He saw your tail stop moving, a sign of alertness and fear, and watched as you cocked the gun and pointed it at his face again.

“Who else knows about this? When did you find out?”

“No one else knows.”

“Then how would you know? How did you figure it out?”

“I still have a few aces up my sleeve, kid. Your finger’s not on the trigger, so I don’t think you’re planning on shooting me yet. Can you please lower the gun?”

“What exactly prompted this little change of heart, if this is even what this is?”

Gideon pulled out the rock that he found in his makeshift grave and watched as your expression deepened from surprise and fear to shock, amazement.

“This did. I found a little spot in the forest, where it turns out I died. I found the recording, I saw Weinfleet, that son of a bitch, kill me. Although I guess that’s fair considering I did the same to him. I found my body, that you buried. And this rock.”

Gideon looked at you, at this girl who was undoubtedly his, undoubtedly Jo’s, with awe displayed all across his features. He couldn’t believe you came from him. He wishes he could have seen you as a little girl, as a human, he is so sad he didn’t get to see you take your first steps, or say your first word, or shoot your first gun. He wishes more than anything he could have taught you. He loves you, he realises. He loves you, despite so little time, because you’re his, you’re Jo’s, the best of both of them.

The man saw you thinking intently, tugging at the inside of your lip so hard he was scared it was going to bleed. He didn’t know what to expect from you. It was easy enough to read you as your face mirrored your feelings as if he had a direct link to your thoughts through it, but somehow you were still an enigma to him. He’s never seen Sarah grow up, he’s never had to be a dad to a young woman, a fierce warrior, a scientist who thinks about everything, calculates three moves ahead. He wondered sadly if there is anything left for him to teach you - you seemed as self-sufficient as they come, and a twinge of jealousy for the Toruk Makto blossomed in him, for getting to raise you, for getting to see you grow up, for helping make you who you were right now.

“So what now? I mean it’s a long shot, but maybe I can convince Jake to let you come to Awa’atlu, we can go and ask the Olo’eyktan, we can say you had nothing to do with it, it will be hard, but maybe if I -“

“I’m not coming with.”

“What?” There was no more confusion or focus on your face, just anger, pure unadulterated rage.

“I have to see this through. I have a better chance of protecting you if-“

“Oh, fucking stop. You’re really going to play the martyr act til the end, aren’t you?”

“I can protect you from them, I can find out wh-“

“YOU CAN'T FUCKING PROTECT ME. I DON’T NEED YOUR PROTECTION, I DON’T WANT YOUR PROTECTION.”

“I need you to prove to me you’re better than I think you are. I need you to show me, that despite all the fucking horrendous things you have done, my mother wasn’t a fool to trust you. To love you.”

“Don’t talk about your mother like that, girl.” Gideon was panting now, angry with you, with how quickly you were dismissing a perfectly rational plan for your emotions, for the desire to not part with a grudge you’ve held on to for 19 years. He understood it, but there was a line, and Jo was that line for him, always.

“You go back, everything you have said to me, everything is moot. Because you have a chance to be better, to do better, you have a chance to fight on the right side once in your life, and you’re not going to take it?”

“I’m not going to repeat myself. I have a better chance of protecting you, protecting the people you love… your family, from there. I can figure out what their plan is and I can warn you.” He pulled out a radio and receiver from one of his pockets. “Take it. It’s set on a different frequency than what they use, or you and the Sullys use. It can be for us. Wear it, I will contact you if anything happens, and you will know and you will be safe.”

You hissed loudly at your dad, tears pricking painfully at your eyes.

“Are you really going to pass on an opportunity to protect your family, your mate, because of your ego? I know you want everything done your way and you think you are always right, and you know what? You probably are. But this is more important than this. Just take this.” He took your hand in his and opened your palm and placed the radio and receiver in it. He closed your fingers in a fist, and let you go. “I will be in your ear, I will be there to tell you if anything’s wrong. I will do my best to fight this fight the way I think is best, the way my gut is telling me to. And when this is over, I will come. And by then, I hope I will have proven myself at least enough to be worthy of a second chance. I want to get to know you. I want you to know me. And when this is over, maybe you’ll want to. But for now, I have to go. And so do you.” He looked up and you saw that eclipse will be over any minute. Shit. Time got away from you. Neteyam would have woken up by now. Fuck.

You saw him turn around and call for his ikran. You were shocked he had passed the Iknimaya, and you made a mental note to ask him about it when you saw him next. Just for research purposes, you weren’t curious for any other reason. His ikran was beautiful, dark blue with hints of gold and pink all over, almost like the opposite of yours, the yin to your yang. You called Neyn and she came quickly, batting her wings at you playfully. She made a new friend, it seems. You sighed as you got on her and made the bond.

“Is Spider alright?”

“He’s fine, he’s integrated at well as could be expected. I think him and Quaritch are bonding.” You didn’t like the sounds of that, but you said no more on the subject. You were late enough as it is.

“Prove me wrong. Please.”

“I will, kid.”

You both took off at the same time, in the opposite directions, and you turned around and watched him with tears swiftly running down your cheeks, blown away by the warm air hitting you in the face. Dad…

As you made your way back, your mind was running a thousand miles a minute with so many thoughts that were fighting for dominance. The top contender was concern and mind-paralysing fear at the thought of seeing Neteyam and knowing he will know, know you were gone, know you couldn’t lie, you couldn’t even try because he would know that too, and the fight that would ensue as a result. When did things get so complicated?

You were relieved to not see any lapis blue Na’vi anywhere in sight when you dismounted your ikran, and you quickly started making your way to the village when a voice, the voice, stopped you in your tracks, like shackles to your feet.

“You know, when we saw that sign on the tulkun yesterday, I felt your heartbeat in your wrist increase to three times its normal speed. I could feel your panted breaths in the back of my neck. I knew something was wrong. You may be able to lie to my dad, to anyone else, but you can’t lie to me, Atan.”

Your breathing was laboured and shallow, and you felt scared to turn around, to face him. He came so close to you, his breath was making the hairs on your back stand up like needles, hurting you from the forcefulness of his presence, from the anger that was so palpable it was pulsating all around you.

“What did you do?”

“Neteyam…” you turned around, and you regretted looking at him. Because this wasn’t your mate, not anymore. This was the perfect soldier, the Olo’eyktan in the making, the Na’vi warrior, and he was looking at you like you were a stranger to him, like you were the enemy.

“What did you do. I need to hear you say it.” His voice was calm, too calm and it reminded you of the knife he always kept on his waist, sharp and deadly.

“Neteyam…”

“How long has this been going on?”

“How long has what been going for?”

“This, you mingling with the fucking enemy, you lying to my family, to your family.”

Your eyes widened in disbelief, as you took in the accusations your mate was carelessly throwing at you, like pebbles on the surface of the sea.

“I know you are upset, and I am sorry I lied, but please don’t jump to conclusions.”

“The message on the tulkun was from my dad. It was the first time I have made contact with him. I haven’t been mingling with any enemies. I just wanted to see what he wanted. I have a gun, I was prepared to kill him.”

“Your dad is a fucking murderer, he could have killed you, he could have kidnapped you. It could be a trap. We could be fucking swarmed by the RDA in the next 20 minutes and it would all be your fault.”

You couldn’t believe him, you couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Neteyam was many things, but he wasn’t cruel and he definitely wasn’t so quick to blame, to draw unwarranted conclusions. You have known he has been acting a little strange for a while, and you knew there were things eating at him that he is yet to share, but you hated how instead of communicating them, he was lashing out like a wounded animal. You felt anger bubbling in your stomach and you tried really hard to keep it at bay, knowing that both of you attacking each other will not be productive whatsoever.

“Neteyam, stop. You’re being unfair. I know you are mad at me, and I know you have been upset about things you have refused to talk to me about for a while, but I will not stand and watch you attack me.”

“You are right, it was risky, and I am sorry. But I’m not fucking stupid. I was careful, I made sure nobody followed me as much as I possibly could. I didn’t tell you because I was scared if you came, and it was a trap, you were a much bigger prize than I was.”

“Oh, that is such fucking bullshit. If you told me and I came, you had double the chance to defeat whoever was waiting for you, whoever left you the message. But you didn’t want that, did you? You seem to like saying one thing when you mean another, don’t you?”

“Ok, what the fuck has gotten into you? This is so not about me leaving.”

“No, it IS about you leaving. It’s about you lying. It’s about how every time I think we’re in one fucking place, it turns out we’re about five steps behind.”

Neteyam watched as you stretched on the grass of your clearing, taking deep breaths in with your eyes closed, peacefully enjoying the outside, which you never really saw anymore. It will be your 17th birthday in a couple months, and Neteyam was wondering sorrowfully if he will get to be there for it. It’s been eating at him, the realisation he needed to leave, leave your life forever, but he was painfully grasping at every chance to see you, still be with you. He couldn’t imagine a life without you, and soon, he’ll have to live through it.

Recently, your relationship changed. You have always been close, so close the whole world around you felt like just a playpen for your souls alone, but recently, things… evolved. Everything about it felt heightened, like it reached new zeniths Neteyam never thought anyone would be able to feel without collapsing from the intensity it pulsated through his veins. He’s always loved you, Neteyam mused. His whole life, there was not a moment he has not loved you.

But as he watched you on the grass, soft shiny skin, so unlike his own, your tiny figure and those eyes that, despite being closed, Neteyam knew every inflection of by heart, he knew he felt more, that he fell in love with you - deeply and irrevocably. It wasn’t a recent development, either, it has been going on for a while, but in light of everything he knew he had to do, Neteyam knew it would hurt even more to vocalise these thoughts or even acknowledge them for himself. Only hurt could come of whatever it was you two had, and there would be no cure for the calamitous heartbreak he would have to go through when he did decide to leave for good, so the less he thought about you two together, your body on him, his lips on yours, spoken confessions and wondrous nights - the better.

“Hey, do you ever think about kids?”

“Kids?”

“Yeah, about having kids. About the future, about little Neteyams running around the village, one day bound to inherit your titles, and your beautiful soul and your endless good looks. ”

He blushed at your comment. He has, Neteyam thought. Multiple times. He thought about a family, about them running through this clearing, about their mother singing to them with that incandescent voice and worn-down guitar, and then he had to stop thinking about it, because it hurt, it took him out, the pain of knowing it was never going to be possible. It nauseated him, the idea of another woman, a woman he’d have to love and give himself to, a woman that wouldn’t be you, and his children that wouldn’t have your eyes, or your hair, or your propensity for being a lovable know-it-all.

“Not really. It’s still a lifetime away. I’m just trying to enjoy each day as it comes along.”

Neteyam watched as you propped yourself up on your elbows and eyed him inquisitively. You were so tiny, you had to stretch your neck to look at his face.

“Liar. You’re not a carpe diem kind of guy. You think about everything. You told me you had your whole future planned out when we were like seven.” You got up and walked to where he was sitting on the ground, back against the bark of a tree. When you were on your feet, your face was at the same levels as his, so you got really close to him, so close he could feel your breath on his face, and tried to ignore the thumping heartbeat and shivers going down his spine at your proximity. It’s gotten easier in time, being this close to you, as you have always been a touchy person, so he had no way of avoiding it - not that he would want to avoid it.

“So why are you lying to me, Ne-te-yam?”

Neteyam gulped, and he wondered if you knew - what this was doing to him, what you were doing to him. Wondered if you felt the same way, if you also felt dizzy when he was this close, if you also felt your knees weaken in his presence.

“I’m not lying… I used to have everything planned out, but not anymore. It’s a little more complicated, this whole life thing, than I thought it was going to be when we were young.”

Your gaze shifted from him to somewhere behind him, and you looked sad and deep in thought, subtle pain obvious in the way your eyes glistened with new-found tears.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Do you ever think about kids?” Your eyes found his again, and you looked hurt by his comment, and the unshed tears found their way down you cheek, that you wiped immediately. You turned around and started walking towards the river, and you kneeled next to it, looking at the way the water flowed, peaceful and determined.

“That’s not funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny… you asked me, so I assumed it’s because you were thinking about it.”

“You know I can’t think about kids, Neteyam. I can’t have kids, unless I have them with Spider.” You rolled your eyes and laughed a joyless laugh and he felt anger envelop him just at the mere thought. Agonising images were flashing through his mind, of you two, a much better fit for each other, compatible in biology and bodies and he felt suddenly sick and regretful of ever asking.

He faintly saw you look back at him, and you clarified - you knew, knew he needed it. “I’m never having children with Spider, Neteyam. I was just saying, unlike you, the prospect is never in the cards for me. You will go off, find yourself a suitable mate, beautiful and smart and kind and fit to be a Tsahik, you will have a life and a family. I won’t. I will never have a tiny me running around, I’ll never have my parents’ genes, and everything I’ve learnt, and everything I am live on.”

You sighed, and the tears were falling swiftly in the palms resting upwards in your lap.

“Would you? If you could? Have kids… with someone else?”

You smiled a small sorrowful smile, and looked up at the sky, almost as if you were praying to whoever could hear you.

“If I could… yes. With… someone else.”

“Just fucking admit you don’t want to have my kids. You don’t want a family.”

And the hits keep coming. So that’s what this is about. The guilt you felt about lying to him and sneaking out was quickly dissipating and being replaced with rage, burning heavily and brightly, wanting to leave nothing but destruction in its wake.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Why? Why are so desperate for those pills, why do you hate the thought of having a baby with me so much? Do you have any fucking clue how that makes me feel?”

“NO, Neteyam! No, I have no fucking clue, because you won’t fucking talk to me. You have some nerve to hold these feelings inside after months of me asking you what is wrong, of KNOWING you are not ok, you LYING about it and then exploding in my face and demanding an explanation in this way.”

“You know what? You are right. I don’t want a baby with you.” As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you knew it was too late. You knew you made a mistake. Because while the words were true, they were also not the whole truth. And as you watched your mate’s heart shatter in front of you, yours did too. It was too late to stop, though, as the rage was eating at your insides, begging to be released.

“Why in God’s name would I want a child with a man who continuously puts himself at risk and will most likely get themselves fucking killed in the nearby future?! I grew up without a parent, Neteyam. I grew up without a dad. And I grew up with a mother who was heartbroken because of the lack of dad, and killed herself when I was fucking 10 years old. Do you have any idea what that does to someone? Do you have any idea the hell I have lived through my whole life? The holes in my chest nobody was able to fix, not even you, they’re still there. They’re patched up nice and neat, as well as anybody could hope for, but they’re still there. They will always be there. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, much less on my child. So no, I do not want a baby that will grow up an orphan, that’s why I am so fucking desperate for those pills. And if you bothered to ever share with me, share what’s been bothering you, you’d know this.”

Neteyam looked broken, eyes on you but not really, unfocused and distant, and you tried to calm down, tried to make words come out that could fix your previous ones. Your eyes were frozen on his, frozen on the tears forming in them, watching as they fell down his cheek and onto his bare chest. Eventually, it’s like he snapped back to life, and he started moving, not sparing you a second look. As he passed you by, you grabbed him by the wrist and stopped him. He removed his arm from your grasp like it burned him, like being touched by you was poisonous, and you winced at it, knowing deep down you deserved it.

“Neteyam… I have dreamt about having a family with you for so long I can’t even remember when it started. I dreamt about our children, careless and free, happy and loud, running around the village, swimming in our clearing. I dreamt about teaching them guitar, and watching you teach them how to hunt or shoot a bow. I dreamt about them growing up and feeling sad about how quickly time is passing but being grateful for being able to watch it go by. I dreamt about their Iknimaya, and flying together for the first time. I dreamt so many things, for a long time my dreams were the only things keeping me going. Even when you were gone, the dreams, they never left. I had to live with knowing they would never come true for so long before I got the Avatar. I had to live with knowing I’d have to watch you have someone else’s babies, and it killed me. It killed me.” You were crying now, your chest convulsing in pain at the memories, at the present, at seeing Neteyam’s back tense and rigid, of not being able to look into his eyes. “When I got my Avatar, and we started being close again… when you kissed me for the first time, when you held me in your arms before my Iknimaya, I had flashes, flashes of hope, that despite my sickness, maybe those dreams weren’t impossible anymore. They were quickly shattered, of course, but they were there. Then after my consciousness transfer, the humans came back, and I was scared. I was scared of having a family during an active war. I thought we both agreed on that. Then watching you continuously put yourself at risk for Lo’ak, watching as you almost died in that train battle, it snapped something in me. My entire life, all the hurt and the pain of being orphaned came back full blast. Neteyam, if you die, I will too. And I don’t want to put an innocent being, our innocent being through that.”

“Please, try to understand.”

You watched as Neteyam left you without another word and you were unsure if you would ever be able to fix this and you couldn’t help clutch your chest to try to alleviate the pain that was so strong it was radiating all throughout your body, just like one sentence, over and over. Did I lose him? Did I lose him? Did I lose him?

Neteyam walked towards a village like a ghost, like zombie, like a body without a soul, or a mind, just robotically taking step after step, trying to figure out if he could wake up, if this was a nightmare, if it was some sick joke.

I don’t want a baby with you. I don’t want a baby with you. I don’t want a baby with you.

Crack after crack, the pieces of his heart shattered like a broken jigsaw, like the one he did with you and Kiri when you were children, huddled together in the recreation hub. So he was right. He was right, his insecurities, however ridiculous they seemed sometimes, they were not without merit. You didn’t want his children. Not children, just his children. Because of who he is, because of his life choices and his desire to protect his family, his brother, you didn’t want him. Neteyam heard you justify it, and maybe somewhere deep, deep inside of him, he knew you had a point, that your own unique circumstances entitled you to this view, that you weren’t being unreasonable, but the hurt, the pain, the anguish and betrayal, they ran deeper. What was he supposed to do now? How would you ever be able to resolve this?

He noticed absentmindedly that there was commotion in the village, screams and wails coming from the Olo’eyktan’s tent. He felt himself walking towards it, with no real input from his mind, which was numb and in its own isolated, desolate little world.

He heard Tonowari’s imposing voice, screaming over the booming voices of the villagers. As he approached, he saw his family, his father in the middle of the crowd, desperation all over his features.

“This war has come to us! We knew about the hunting of our tulkun people, but it was over the horizon, far away! Now, it is HERE!” Neteyam saw the Metkayina poke their tongues out in a war cry, and he knew what he feared, what his family feared, is finally here. There was no avoiding it, the war with the Sky People, no avoiding the deaths that followed. Fear enveloped him, momentarily replacing the anguish you put in him, and he wondered where you were, if you had run away, as you used to like doing when you were young. Were you in danger?

“Look, you have got to understand how the Sky People think.” His dad was trying to force his voice through the ululation, trying to get them to see reason. “They don’t care about the great balance.”

“WE DON’T ANSWER TO SKY PEOPLE.”

Neteyam couldn’t help his voice from speaking. “Listen. Listen to him.”

“They are not going to stop, this is only the beginning. You have to… tell your tulkun to leave. You gotta tell them to go far away!”

“Leave?!” The Tsahik look disgusted with his dad, and he knew the Metkayina would never understand. None of them will, because they have never lived through what the Omatikaya had. They had no idea the depth of the cruelty, and lack of morals that plagued the aliens. They had no idea the loss his village suffered at their hands, and the sacrifices his family had to make.

“You live among us and you learn nothing!”

“WE WILL FIGHT TO PROTECT OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS!”

“No no no no! IF YOU ATTACK, IF YOU FIGHT, THEN THEY WILL DESTROY YOU!” Pointing at Ronal’s pregnant belly, his father continued. “They will destroy everything that you love!”

“Hear my words!”

Like an out-of-body experience, Neteyam heard himself speak yet again. “Listen to my father. He speaks the truth.”

The Toruk Makto picked the red impaling rod they found on the tulkun yesterday, got up to where the Olo’eyktan was so he was towering above everyone else, and pointed it for everyone to see.

There was quiet all around him now, the villagers watching his dad carefully, with focused eyes.

“You tell the tulkun that if they’re hit by one of these, they’re marked for death. And call for me, I’ll silence it. Saving their lives. That’s all that matters, right? Saving your family.”

“Tell the tulkun.”

“Go, go!”

Ululating can be heard all around as the Metkayina hurried and dove in the water, rushing to warn their brothers and sisters. Neteyam’s gaze shifted instantly to Lo’ak. He wouldn’t…

He would, it turns out, as Neteyam saw his baby brother hurrying out of the tent. He followed in his footsteps, knowing very well what Lo’ak was intending, knowing he had to stop him, no matter what.

Neteyam watched as the younger Sully was sneakily placing a saddle on his ilu.

“No way you’re running out today, baby brother.”

“I have to warn Payakan about the pingers.”

Neteyam was in no mood for this.

“No. You have got to keep your skxawng ass here.”

“He is outcast. There’s nobody to warn him but me.” Neteyam saw Lo’ak getting aggravated, the way he always got - his brother had no control over his emotions, never had, always ready and more than willing to explode at the slightest perceived slight.

“Why do you always have to make things so hard, Lo’ak?”

“No, you mean why can’t I be the perfect son like you?” Neteyam’s heart took yet another beating, and he was unsure how much longer it could continue going in light of today, in light of everything it has had to suffer. First you, now Lo’ak, it seems everyone he loved was taking turns kicking him until the breath was knocked out of his lungs, until he would be unable to stand back up.

“The perfect little soldier. Well, I’m not you!”

The anger overtook Neteyam, who made his way so close to Lo’ak he was towering over him, a dark expression marring his features.

“I’m not you. He’s my brother. I’m going.”

Crack. Crack. Crack.

“He’s your brother?” He pulled Lo’ak by the arm as he was turning away, speaking through clenched teeth. “No, I’m your brother!”

The conversation was interrupted by Tsireya and Ao’nung, both of whom jumped from their ilu and onto the platform they were on.

“Lo’ak!”

His brother took the opportunity that presented itself when Neteyam’s attention shifted onto the two siblings to escape his tight grip and jump into the water, immediately leaving towards Three Brothers Rock, where Payakan was.

Neteyam didn’t think of anything else besides saving Lo’ak in that moment, and, as he called for his own ilu, he finally knew in his heart that you were right.

You were flying, faster than you should be, considering the rain pouring all around you and the fact you could barely see a few meters in front of you, but you couldn’t stop. Because if you stopped, you’d have to think, you’d have to deal with the consequences of your actions, and that would be too much, too painful. Neyn was worried, as she could also not see, but she trusted you to guide her, she trusted you to keep her alive - her worry extended to you as well, to the horrid mood that seem to plague you, for the deep anguish in your soul that was making her cry loudly. You tried to calm her down, petting her gently.

“Tam tam…”

You have been going for a while now, longer than you knew you should have. You had little idea where you were, and where you were going. You didn’t even know if you could go back. Would you be able to face Neteyam again? Would you share a tent, would you ever be able to fix this?

You were so harsh, harsher than you needed to be. You hated his predisposition for following in his brother’s dangerous steps, but you promised him you’d be there to fix it. You told him you didn’t want to change him, that you would be there to patch him up. You told him you’d protect him. And instead of doing that, you struck him where it hurt most. You both had a habit of hurting each other, both had a habit of shooting to kill when in pain. So much has changed in between you, so much has changed in your worlds except the one thing that should have, that one thing that needed to.

“Kid, are you there?”

The voice pulled you out of your pondering, a voice you now recognised as your dad’s.

“I’m here. Over.”

“I don’t have a lot of time. The ship is hunting another tulkun. A solitary one.”

Oh, no… It can’t be.

“We’re about two klicks out. Kid… the Sully kids are there too.”

You felt all air being pushed from your lungs, unable to breathe in, feeling yourself becoming faint at the lack of oxygen and maddening heartbeat deafening you.

“I will try to stop them. I don’t know if I can do this on my own.”

Breathe. Try to breathe.

“Hold your position. I’m coming. Get me a gun. Over and out.”

Kiri. Tuk. Lo’ak…. Neteyam. Adrenaline coursed through your veins like icy water, waking you up, focusing your mind. You had no time to go back. You willed Neyn towards where you thought Three Brothers Rock was, and prepared yourself to fight for your life, for your family’s life, for your dad’s life.

Your mind flashed to your fight with Neteyam, knowing you had to do everything in your power to make it right, not knowing that fight was the last conversation you will ever have with him before both of your lives are changed - forever.

Taglist (thank you ily x) @changing7 @erenjaegerwifee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @winchestertitties @puffb4ll @rebeccao03 @ultimatebluff @cottoncandy23 @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @n3t3y4msm4t3 @loquatious-josephi-krakousky @eternallyvenus @fresh-new-yoik-watah @lu-the-ghost-reader @@miawastakens @mm0thie @fanboyluvr @amortencjja

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specialagentlokitty · 1 year

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Lestrade x reader - save you

Can you do a Lestrade x reader where she gets kidnapped from a case he and Sherlock are working? - @winterreader-nowwriter 💜

You weren’t sure what kind of cause your brother and Lestrade were working on, they wouldn’t tell you, so you decided to wait until they were done.

You were supposed to go meet a few friends for some drinks, but the only issue was you didn’t make it there.

And your friends soon grew worried, and tried calling and texting you, but none of them went through.

They assumed you changed your mind, maybe went to sleep or your phone died, but when neither of the three got a reply the following morning they knew something was wrong.

They tried your flat, and you weren’t there, they tried Sherlocks flat, but neither of you were home, so the reported you as missing.

It wasn’t long until Mycroft found out, and it wasn’t long until Sherlock found out, because Mycroft had sent him the new file with your name on.

Sherlock stared at his phone, hands trembling a little bit.

“Sherlock, we’ve got work to do.” Lestrade snapped.

John looked up from the papers he was reading and furrowed his brows a little.

“Sherlock?” He asked.

Sherlock didn’t seem to be in thought, he seemed to just be staring at his phone until he set the phone on Lestrade’s desk.

“My sister is missing.” Sherlock said.

The room was filled with a tense silence.

��When?” Lestrade asked.

“Filed half an hour ago, last seen yesterday afternoon. She was supposed to go for drinks with her friends and never showed, she’s not answering her phone and no one has seen her.”

Lestrade took Sherlock’s phone to look at the report Mycroft had sent over.

The door to the office was thrown open and a younger officer ran in, slamming a file on the desk with your name on.

“Another sir.”

“We know.”

The officer nodded and left and they all tried to figure out what to do.

They didn’t have long, they knew that, and they had to find out before the clock hit midnight.

Not only was half the force looking for you, but so was your oldest brother and every single one of the contacts he had as his disposal.

It was all hands on deck.

No time to worry.

No time to stress.

They just had to find you.

You didn’t remember much from walking to the bar, but when you woke up, head feeling heavy, body aching and confused, you knew it wasn’t good.

Unlike your brothers, you weren’t as smart, or lacking as much as emotions, or able to push them all away.

You were terrified, tears streaming down your face you tried to find away out of this locked and freezing cold room.

Your fingers were bloodied from trying to open the door, you hit the walls, screamed until your lungs ached and you couldn’t scream anymore.

Nothing worked.

And so you gave up, you sat in the corner of the room you woke up in, tears running down your face, head buried in your knees as you cried.

You couldn’t get out.

You couldn’t escape.

And as far as you knew, no one was coming to find you.

There was no explanation as to whoever this was or what they wanted from you or why they were doing this.

Absolutely nothing at all.

Just left in there, cold, shivering, scared, alone.

Then it hit you, the smell of smoke, the sound or roaring fire getting closer, and the lock of the door.

Your head snapped up, and you immediately jumped up, rushing to the door you opened it and you were hit with heat.

Looking down the hallway, you found yourself struggling to breathe.

Lifting your shirt to cover your nose you looked around, seeing one end of the hallway clouded by smoke and flames, you ran down the other side.

Turning the corner, you backed away from the flames and ran the other way.

It was like a maze to try and find your way out, and it getting harder and harder to breathe, to run.

Sherlock, John, Mycroft and Lestrade were the first ones to arrive at the building, and they saw it already consumed in flames.

“(Y/N)!” Mycroft and Sherlock yelled.

The two didn’t stop to think, they ran into the building, so Lestrade and John did the same thing, all of them running and calling your name.

They could only search so far until they had to start backing towards the entrance again, and it was Lestrade who saw something.

He turned around and turned back to what he saw and ran over, dropping to his knees.

It was you, half awake, covered in ash and dirt.

“(Y/N) hey.. hey..” he whispered.

He grabbed your wrists and began to pull you towards the door as fast as he could.

When he was nearly there he reached down and pulled you into his arms before rushing outside and towards the other three.

They all called your name and rushed to your side.

You were soon rushed to the hospital where they all had to wait for you.

John stayed by your side while Mycroft, Sherlock and Lestrade chased after the person responsible.

And they soon caught her, and Mycroft was the one dealing with her prosecution.

They all stayed by your side until you woke up.

“How’re you feeling?” Mycroft asked.

You shrugged a little and sat up.

“I’ll get the nurse.” John smiled.

He left and Sherlock looked at you.

“You’re struggling to breathe.”

You gave a weak laugh, and shrugged a little bit.

“I… inhaled.. a lot.. of smoke..” you rasped out.

He nodded his head and they waited for the nurse to finish checking you over.

You had to stay in hospital for a while, your brothers staying with you so you weren’t alone, and they would swap with John and Lestrade when he was off work.

And today was one of those days, he walked in and you were flicking through a book.

You looked up and smiled softly at him, setting your book aside.

“Hey.” You smiled.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” He asked.

He walked over and sat on the side of your bed, taking your hand in his.

“Still tired, a little sore. But okay.”

Lestrade looked at you and nodded his head, running his thumb along your knuckles and you watched him do it.

“And your lungs?”

“Getting better. Nearly all cleared.”

He nodded his head again and you looked up at him.

“Can I ask something?”

Lestrade quickly nodded his head.

“Of course you can.”

“Did… did you save me…?”

Lestrade stayed quiet for a moment before he softly sighed.

“Yeah.. yeah I did. I saw you against the wall.”

You nodded your head, and gestured for him to come closer.

He leant forward, and you placed your hand on the side of his face, kissing his cheek and you leant back.

“Thank you Greg..” you spoke softly.

You sat back again and he smiled at you, leant over his kissed your head.

“I’ll always save you…”

#bbc sherlock imagine #bbc sherlock x reader #bbc sherlock x you #bbc sherlock #greg lestrade x reader #greg lestrade #Greg Lestrade x you #Greg Lestrade imagine #Lestrade #lestrade x reader #lestrade x you #Lestrade imagine

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maleyanderecafe · 1 year

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Searching for My Father (Webcomic)

Created by: Blooming bouquet, Ongnyo

Genre: Fantasy

Searching for My Father, or I Only Came to Find My Dad starts out pretty tragic, but then ends up sweeter with a very cute family love dynamic. Unfortunately, this also feels like it sucks out most of the conflict once the yandere gets disposed of, which is unfortunate, because I'm sure he could have been a very good villain. As of writing this, there are currently 56 chapters.

The story starts out with Louise being groomed by her uncle Benjamin, a man who was obsessed with Louise's mom, Leah. Since Leah died an unfortunate death, Benjamin attempts to marry Louise as a replacement for her at the age of 16 (yikes). Unwilling to live this life, Louise commits suicide, only to be reincarnated back to when she was eight and back when her mom was alive. As a result, she vows to never let what happened in her past happen again, starting with taking care of her mother. Benjamin attempts again to marry Leah, but she refuses, and this causes pretty much the entire town to turn on her. Leah dies again because of unfortunate circumstances and it seems that Louise is going back on track again to being groomed at married by Benjamin. She's able to plead to the priest, Father Patrick to help her find her real father. After escaping and locating her father, Louise and Father Patrick set out to find Duke Alistair. He accepts her immediately, and though heartbroken by the death of Leah, fully decides to take care of Louise the best she can. She meets the twins, the two that learn under her father, as well as her new step brother Erhi and while in the town together, even (unknowingly) befriends the prince, Idris. Soon after though, as Father Patrick returns home, he is accused of kidnapping Louise under Benjamin's influence. We learn that the reason Benjamin has a bit of an inferiority complex when it came to his older brother, Alistair, believing that he would never have anything because his brother would take it away from him, which included his crush Leah, whom Alistair married. Alistair gets wind of this and goes to find his brother himself, even finding that all the letters that Leah sent were confiscated by Benjamin, and making him go into a rage. Father Patrick is put on trial and Alistair is able to win and prove Benjamin guilty, even going to rip out Benjamin's tongue and is sent to an island after his hands are cut off. After that we learn about why Alistair had to leave Leah and Louise behind, since he was bound with a curse and it was all in an attempt to save them. There's cute scenes with the entire family, Louise befriending some divine beasts, and finally learning that Erhi is a prince. The last chapters so far are after a time jump and meeting the newest villainess character that will oppose her.

Honestly, the story up until the yandere gets dispensed is kind of interesting. Louise gets a new start after running away from her old fate and gets an extremely loving family, but... after that is all becomes fluff with very little conflict. Sure, there are some internal conflicts with her attempting to get close to her dad, but most of it is resolved so quickly you wouldn't think it was much of an issue at all. I also think that everyone loves Louise far too quickly. It makes sense for the dad to love her since she did in fact love her mom, but the twins and even the stepbrother, who seemed rude to her all change their tune very quickly and not really for any good reason. I'm not saying that you can't have a cute family dynamic after having such a traumatic happenings, but considering how fast it happens, it doesn't feel realistic that everyone would suddenly accept her very fast, even under her father's rule. She doesn't really have any specific enduring traits that the characters even mentions to why they might like her. I can understand why people might like it though since it does have a very cute dynamic of family, but for me, everyone accepts her too fast and with such little conflict it makes it seem like nothing is really happening and it's a little boring for my taste. I kind of wish there was more conflict with Louise opening up to her father since the two look REALLY similar and I think that it would be a lot more meaningful if it took her much longer to get used to someone that looked really similar to grooming her, or even just having trust issues with the rest of the household.

Moving onto Benjamin. It's obvious that we're not suppose to like him considering he's a groomer and attempts to marry Louise at the age of 16, but he is at least, probably the most interesting character in the story. He ends up being a replacement yandere after he attempts to "replace" Leah by marrying her daughter, and there is actually backstory to why he would feel this way, unlike most of the other characters. I honestly thought he would be a character that would have stayed around more since, as I said, he's the main source of conflict for the story and he kind of just gets shoveled off after Louise finds her father. It's possible that he might come back in the future, seeing how he's not dead, but I would have loved to see more of a villain arc with this character- maybe attempting to lay siege on his brother's mansion or manipulating his brother more, but nope. It seems like such wasted potential since he's built to be this huge bad villain and he's just taken away from the story so easily.

Overall, the story is just kind of mediocre in my eyes. If you enjoy more family based isekai style stories that are focused on fluff, then this one is probably one that you may enjoy. The yandere is in there for the first 25 or so chapters before getting shoveled off (though it is mostly in the beginning) so if you are interested in more villainous yanderes, it might be interesting for you as well.

#Searching for My Father #male yandere #yandere #yandere boy #recommendation #ongoing #webcomic

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oatmealcrisp-freak · 2 years

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Little preview of the next Single chapter cus uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk when the rest is gonna happen SO HERE

“Big brother,” Yuuta said with complete seriousness. “Why do you have a baby.”

Kusuo debated. It took him about three seconds.

He said, “Why shouldn’t I have a baby?”

Yuuta squinted. It was hilarious to watch the kid’s face work as he mulled over the riddle Kumi presented, one which Kusuo had decided not to answer so easily because this was all Yuuta’s fault, really, at the end of the day. It was his little bit of fanfiction slash creative writing project that’d gone viral and meant people were leaving Kusuo prayers at the hokora after all. Why he’d even posted it on his blog to begin with Kusuo wasn’t sure, certainly it wasn’t poorly written but what it was was embarrassing.

He ignored the flash of intuition that said to look at the hokora. Not for the first time today, either. He was tired, damnit, and still dealing with the other o-

Yuuta said, “Did you kidnap a baby?”

Kusuo’s jaw dropped in offense. “What? No! Why would you even say such a thing?”

Kumi’s presence in his home was entirely legal, thank you very much.

“Well you’re not married and last I checked, you’re still more interested in dating coffee jelly over people,” Yuuta said, grinning ear to ear but there was a tick in his eyebrow that told Kusuo he was, for some reason, not as happy as the rest of his face told. “So it’s not like you could conceive naturally. She doesn’t look like a clone, or like an experiment your older brother cooked up, so that only leaves one option.”

Yuuta ducked closer to the phone and raised his hand to hide his mouth from the side, pretending to a slyness he really didn’t actually have. “Do you need help burying the bodies?”

Kusuo stared.

Sometimes Yuuta’s imagination was a little frightening. He could only guess what the kid must be thinking for him to ask something like that.

As if Kusuo would ever need help disposing of remains. Tch. But anyways.

He sighed as Yuuta cracked up into laughter, no doubt his so called ‘little brother’ was enjoying teasing him. Fine. He’d let the kid get the one up over him this time.

Even though calling Yuuta a kid was a bit of a misnomer by now. He was in college after all. Just about done, too.

“The only body around here worth burying is yours, kid.” Kusuo said, looking down at his little girl.

She looked confused, insomuch as an infant could look confused, and he could feel her developing mind cranking hard in an attempt to figure out where the brand new voice was coming from.

“What?! Mine?” Yuuta squawked.

Successfully distracted from his daughter’s cute little face, Kusuo looked into his phone. He even arched an eyebrow, for the benefit of appearing arch.

“Yours. You’ll never guess,” Kusuo lifted Kumi a touch. “What I found at a certain hokora, in the rain, with a cup of coffee jelly.”

His intuition pinged again. He ignored it. Again. It was easy, because Yuuta’s face was falling into a very entertaining cringe that told Kusuo yes, he understood. He understood very well.

“Ah.” Yuuta said.

“Ah.” Kusuo agreed.

“But that’s insane,” Yuuta said a handful of minutes later. “Why on earth would a person leave a baby in a hokora?”

Kusuo shrugged as he poured himself a cup of coffee, one eye on Kumi’s nearly sleeping face, the other on the coffee pot. The phone levitated to his left, keeping Yuuta’s face in view.

“As far as I can tell they may not even be from earth. Our earth, anyway.” Kusuo said, setting down the coffee pot and starting on doctoring it to his preferences. “Her mother has uncontrollable psychic powers that tear her around dimension after dimension. I’m not altogether unfamiliar with it, it’s a bit of a pain. Not a suitable environment for raising a baby in, at all.”

His intuition again. Uhg, it was so itchy today. Leave him alone.

“So she left it in the rain? No, I still don’t buy it, not when she knew enough about our world to get you a coffee jelly,” Yuuta, lover of sci-fi anime and flexible punch-roller-wither, said. “If she knows about coffee jelly then certainly she knows about police, why not leave the baby there?”

There was an undercurrent to Yuuta’s voice that made Kusuo’s other sense of intuition perk up to nag at him, his more earthly sense, the one that had known instinctively that punks were trying to hassle him when he’d been oh so temporarily powerless all the way back in high school. It made him look up into the camera after he finished preparing his coffee. It made him look at Yuuta’s face. The boy was a man now, tanned from the outdoors, his green hair cut short but still long enough to flip out from under the edges of his beanie. His jaw was stronger, and his shoulders wider, but those big green eyes were looking, somehow, someway, very five years old.

“Yuuta,” Kusuo said. “What’s the matter?”

Yuuta appeared taken aback. He puffed himself up.

“Well. It’s just not right, leaving a baby like tha-”

“That’s not what I’m talking about Yuuta, and you know it.” Kusuo said around a sip of his coffee, his unblinking eyes now fully focused on the young man before him.

Yuuta blinked. He looked down, then, avoiding his eyes, and Kusuo knew immediately that something was definitely up. Yuuta only ever avoided his eyes like that when he’d been caught out at something.

Some things really never changed.

Yuuta blew out a sigh. He smiled. He looked a bit embarrassed. “It’s nothing.” He said.

“Then it’s nothing to talk about it,” Kusuo said, getting a bit irritated because uhg, if this was nothing if just not him, prying at people’s problems like he wanted more of them.

But this was Yuuta. If there was anyone Kusuo should be allowed to prod and pry at, he decided, it was Yuuta. Payback, fair and square and such, right? Right.

Yuuta scratched his cheek with a short laugh. “Well. When you put it like that. Uh.”

He sighed and dropped the pretence of a smile, his shoulders slouching.

“I’m just. Being silly, I think. Really, it’s-it’s nothing. I’m. Just.”

Yuuta forced another short laugh. “I mean, I called you up for help on my homework cus you’re always good for that, but.”

He looked down, probably at his feet if Kusuo had to guess.

“It’s not like you can just drop everything to come help me anymore.”

Ah.

Hm.

So this was a bit awkward.

“You’re jealous of Kumi,” Kusuo surmised, perhaps a little too abrupt to be gentle but, well, he’d never been the gentle sort and Yuuta knew that. Still, it hurt to see the kid drop a short flinch, but then Yuuta was flushing hot around the ears and Kusuo knew that even without the aid of his telepathy for all this distance, he was right.

“It’s silly, right? I mean. She’s a baby. And I’m definitely not that anymore. But.” Yuuta’s shoulders rode in a onesided shrug. “I guess in some ways I must still be a kid, to be jealous of your kid like this. I mean, we’re not even related, like at all, and it’s not like you’re my dad, it’s just.”

Then Yuuta sighed, a long and tragic affair indeed, and looked up at Kusuo with eyes that made him want to flinch because it was those very eyes that’d sucker punched him how many years ago now, when Yuuta had been barely five years old and whimpering up at the sky after his lost balloon. Good grief, he was such a sucker.

“You’re still my big brother, right?”

Ah… Ah hell.

What else could he say to that, what else could he do?

But bear the uncomfortable brunt of reassuring another person.

Kusuo smiled.

He said,

“Of course.”

Yuuta blinked, looking a little flummoxed, but then shortly relieved and he coughed into his fist, itching at a bottom eyelid and pretending he wasn’t a little teary eyed. Kusuo’s smile quirked to the left and he shook his head.

“I might not be able to teleport to be there in an instant anymore, Yuuta, you’re right about that. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still help you with your homework. We just have to do things the, uh, normal way.”

“I guess you’re right about that.” Yuuta sighed then the background behind him stopped moving, signifying that he’d stopped walking, and Kusuo got to recognize the buildings behind him as their old stomping grounds. Even like this, his old neighbourhood was nostalgic to look at for some reason. “That’s still too bad though.”

Kusuo blinked. “How come?”

Yuuta lifted a plastic bag and looked at it with an atrocious pout. “What am I going to do with all this coffee jelly? You know I can’t stand the stuff.”

Kusuo’s jaw dropped, but he shortly picked it up again, but he also didn’t know what to say, and he was sure he looked very consternated right now indeed because Yuuta was cracking up, the brat.

#freaks fics #baby daddy saiki fic

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bluejayboi · 1 year

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Servant of Evil

This is part 2 of my Story of Evil song series. Enjoy~

Part 1: Daughter of Evil

Part 3: Regret Message

TW: Yandere themes, mental breakdown (of yandere), murder and violence (no explicit details)

Songs to listen to while reading:

Servant of Evil- Will Stetson, Lizz Robinett: English, Lizz Robinett: Japanese, Classical version, Boba and Ari

Everything had been starting to get better. Sure, it’s not perfect– you could never leave the confines of the palace, you had to put up with a petulant princess who demanded your time and attention, and the temper she showed when she got jealous was a force to be reckoned with– but it was at least manageable now. Riliane had taken steps to be kinder and more respectful to you. She was still entitled and threw fits when she didn’t get her way, but she never took things out on you and went out of her way to try to make you happy. So long as you treated her with basic kindness, she would dote on and cling to you. Allen was as respectful as ever, always making sure you were taken care of. While his first priority was serving his sister, you were a close second. He loved pampering you and always had an affectionate look in his eyes when he saw you.

You still fantasized about your freedom though. You spent great spans of time–mainly during the dull political meetings that you didn’t have to pay attention to– daydreaming about being able to run through fields of wildflowers, go wading through streams, and live a simpler life in a nice cottage in the woods– far away from all this mess. You knew it was probably impossible but you made plans regardless; You would snatch whatever treasures you could, steal a horse from the royal stables, ride away during night fall, fetch the money that you hid back when you were a worker at the palace instead of a glorified prisoner, and use both that and the stolen treasures to finance your escape and future life. You would travel far from here, carving a home for yourself wherever you ended up. You’d never have to worry about being kidnapped and held prisoner. You would be allowed to live your own life, free of these golden chains.

Things were running somewhat smoothly. The kingdom was doing well, despite unrest about the princess raising taxes ever higher. Your relationship with the twins had become bearable. It was all going well. Until the Prince in Blue and the Lady in Green came for a visit.

The two were visiting the kingdom for political discourse. Riliane had brought you to the discussions to show off her precious darling in front of the other royals. Unfortunately for her, the two seemed to express more interest in you than she was comfortable with. They were especially kind to you, even inviting you to come visit their kingdoms. As the three of you talked, Riliane grew more and more insecure. What if they tried to take you away? What if you ended up liking them more than her? What if you tried to leave her? Everything broke down when the Lady in Green gave you a kiss on the forehead when she was taking her leave.

Riliane was too overwhelmed in the moment to act. She just froze up, staring listlessly at the woman’s retreating form. Envy enveloped her as she started seeing green. It was as if she had gone numb. She ordered Allen to bring you back to your room. She fled to her own room, barricading herself in. No one knows exactly what happened behind those locked doors but the screams of anger, banging of furniture being toppled, and shattering of glass told them all they needed to know about the princess’ mental state. Once things calmed down in her room, she summoned her Minister. Her voice was low and cruel as she muttered “Go seek out the Kingdom Green. Destroy all of their land.” He nodded and left and she called in her brother next, ordering him to dispose of the Lady in Green. He left to do so with a heavy heart.

After her orders were given, she went to your room. You’d never seen the princess look this distressed and disheveled. Her hair was a mess, her gown was ripped, and her face was wet from tears and with makeup smudged across it from her trying to wipe the tears away. She threw herself on you, sobbing and desperately clinging to you like a scared child hugging a plush. She glued herself to your side for that night and the following days. She tried to compose herself and put on her usual confident air but she kept breaking, clinging to you pathetically with little sniffles that would lead to sobs if you didn’t comfort her. With her confident aura put on the backburner, she was actually honest about her feelings with you. She explained how insecure she was about you not loving her or loving someone more than her. She told you how scared she was of losing you, like she had lost her brother for so many years before they were reunited. She’s so distraught that she can’t even take care of herself, so you have to drag her to the bathroom to wash her makeup off. You get some servants to draw her a bath and get some food prepared. She’s still reluctant to leave you so you tell her that you’ll be right outside the bathroom door (or inside the bathroom with her if that doesn’t make you uncomfortable) and talk to her while she’s having her bath. The bath and food are enough to help stabilize her a bit but she still ended up crying herself to sleep as she’s hugged against you and with you trying to calm her down by running your fingers through her hair.

She did what she could to keep you in the dark about her actions. She knows you don’t like bloodshed and cruelty but they deserve it! That Lady in Green tried to take her precious lover! So why shouldn’t she and her kingdom pay the consequences for her actions?!

Despite doing her best to hide it, you ended up learning the truth. Houses were burned before people's eyes. Soldiers and innocents alike were murdered on sight, being left to die on the streets. And the princess wasn’t swayed in the least. When you try to confront her for what she’s done she simply smiles innocently and chimes “Oh my, it’s tea time!” before trying to serve you some brioche

The night Allen returned was horrible. The boy was clearly shaken by something. He had a far off look in his eyes. When his sister greeted him upon his return, he smiled and told her ‘it was done’. But once her back was turned, you could see his smile quiver and his eyes glaze over. You brought him to your room and asked him what was wrong. He tried to deny at first, giving you a smile that you could clearly tell was forced. You caught him off guard with a tight hug. Despite everything he had done, you had formed a bond with him. You felt like you both were in a similar boat. He was a victim of his sister too, forced to act against his morals for the sake of keeping her happy. Just because he was here willingly, doesn’t mean he wasn’t suffering from her actions. So you hugged him and rubbed his back, telling him that he can let it out and that you wouldn’t tell anyone what he says. You can feel him tense up in your hug before melting into your arms. You can feel warm tears drip onto your shoulders as he buries his head against you and grips onto you like a life raft. You can’t make out everything through his sobs but you can hear that he ‘loved her’, that he ‘didn’t want to hurt her’ and that he ‘had to’. You do your best to comfort him. After a while, he looks at the clock and thanks you before leaving your embrace. You ask if he’ll be okay and simply says that ‘Riliane will need her nightly tea’ while giving you a bittersweet smile.

Neither of you talk about what happened but you go out of your way to help each other. He goes above and beyond to pamper you (you didn’t think you could be any more spoiled but clearly that was wrong) and you force him to come to your room when Riliane isn’t taking up either of your time so you can talk or simply hug one another in silence.

#story of evil #yandere #yandere headcanons #yandere vocaloid #yandere x reader #tw yandere #yandere story

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aluraveil · 2 years

Text

The Puppet

Pairings : Yandere Sandrone x Reader

TW : Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, torture, non-consenual touching, blood, kidnapping, swearing/cursing, and syringes/needles.

It’s been a few months since you escaped from Sandrone. She was scary, she made you feel uncomfortable. She would often make you watch her as she experimented on things such as ruin guards and sometimes even people. Until one day you say something that made you completely lose it. That was when she tortured a man that looked at you for barely a second.

Obviously, she saw and she was furious about it. She wanted to prove a point. That you were hers and only she could ever look at you.

You were shaking and crying as you heard his screams of torture and pain.

“Open your eyes Y/N or else you’ll be next.”

You quickly opened my eyes and what you saw was a terrifying, bloody, gruesome scene. You wanted to faint.

“How dare you even bat an eye towards them.” She screamed as she hit and punched the poor guy in front of me.

You wanted to get up and run. Run far away from this horrible place. You wanted to go back to your old life. But unfortunately, you just had to catch the Fatui Harbinger’s eye.

You wanted to get up. But there was one problem. Your hands and legs were cuffed to the chair. Finally after what felt like years, Sandrone stopped torturing the poor dude.

“Take his body and dispose of it.” She said with a sharp tone as a fatui agent grabbed his body and carried it out of her office.

You were shaking. You couldn’t even move. You just froze in place.

Sandrone turned around and looked at you with a fake smile on her face.

“Aww look at you.” She cooed as she caressed your cheek. “Such a poor little fragile thing. That’s what the bitch gets for even daring to look at my s/o.”

She wiped your tears off with a tissue, “hmm it’s getting late now. Come on, let’s go home.”

You didn’t even say anything. You were still frozen and scared.

She picked you up into her arms as she sat down onto the hand of a ruin guard. You visibly flinched as she touched you. You felt tears about to burst out of your eyes.

“Shh. Now, don't cry. It’s all over now.” Sandrone said as she kissed your lips.

Sandrone had a remote in her arms as she clicked a button. Then the ruin guard became awake and started walking the both of you out of her office, making their way into the “home” the both of you lived in.

About an hour later the both of you finally got back home. She got up into her bed as she cuddled with you as you laid into her arms. You waited for her to fall asleep, and as soon as you did, you crawled out of her arms. You made a run for it and you never looked back.

Your new home was a small cabin in the middle of the woods. There were barely any people near your cabin that lived close by. You decided to get some fresh air as you felt like you wanted to take a walk and clear your mind.

You put on your coat and you began walking into a trail in the woods. It was refreshing to be outside. You have been walking for about an hour when suddenly you hear a tree branch crunch behind you. You jumped in fear as you scanned your surroundings, but you couldn’t see anyone. It wasn’t anyone, but rather something.

You checked behind yourself again when suddenly you noticed…

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

A fucking ruin guard was right behind you on your tail.

Out of all the things she could’ve done. She sent a fucking ruin guard on your tail.

You fucking panicked as you ran and you hid behind a gigantic rock in the middle of the forest.

You waited for the ruin guard to go away. You were scared and your heart was beating so fast.

Suddenly, the ruin guard grabbed you into its hand. You screamed and thrashed around as you tried to break free from its suffocating grip. You notice the other hand of the ruin guard had a syringe in its hand.

The ruin guard lifted its other hand and lifted the syringe along with it. Suddenly the syringe went into your neck as you felt it pressing something into you. You suddenly felt sleepy. A few seconds afterwards, you fell asleep.

When you woke up, you were chained to Sandrone’s bed. You had a gag in your mouth.

A few moments later, Sandrone entered the room with a smile on your face as she saw that you were finally awake.

She had a tray of food in her hands as she placed it in front of you onto the bed. She tore off the gag and undid the chain on your arms. Unfortunately, she left the chain on your legs off that way you couldn’t do something stupid.

“Eat. You must be hungry already.”

You obeyed as you knew you were in deep trouble. The feeling of dread suddenly spread throughout your body as you were scared on what punishment you would receive from escaping from her.