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anto-pops · 1 year

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Lost and Found - Sebastian Sallow x Female! Reader

Summary: You’d both fucked up, and you both knew it. But Sebastian was starting to lose himself, and you couldn’t stop sobbing. The air was too thick for words, the pain and the anger and the fear combusting into a shrieking tempest. It was too much to bear in the cavernous room, and you both cracked. Two years of your steady cadence shuddered and fell like leaves when Sebastian found his voice first. “I’m fucking done.”

Alternatively summarized as Sebastian dealing with the aftermath of your break-up and working through his feelings.

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: Mild injuries, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending

Full fic can be found here on Ao3

Mostly Sebastian’s POV following the argument because I wanted to put him through it

Maybe you were naive for believing your last year at Hogwarts would be easy, but after Ranrok, Rookwood, the Keepers, and the whole debacle with Sebastian in the catacombs, you were desperate for a sense of normalcy. You had deluded yourself into thinking that things could only get better from then on, and for the most part, they had.

There was something about this semester, though. Something in the air, or in the water. Something in your clothes and in your bed and in your chest that just kept digging deeper and sharper, leaving you uneasy and on edge.

You and Sebastian had been tense with each other, even though you didn’t mean to be. Neither one of you meant to be assigning blame so harshly, or to be getting so worked up over nothing at all, ending up angry more often than not. Growing up had proven to be fucking scary, though, and the learning curve could be enough to knock most people on their asses and keep them there for a good, long while. You and Sebastian had juggled these fears and told one another about them after you’d both already blown up, and you had apologized quietly for snapping so hard over dumb shit like spilled vials of Wiggenweld, and sometimes it was enough.

Sometimes, it wasn’t.

It wasn’t enough when you threw your hands up one night to scold Sebastian too loudly for staying up late, cutting one too many corners, and getting busted in the restricted section. The weeks worth of detentions had only served to set back his schedule, but it was his own damn fault, so why was he complaining in the first place? You clenched your fists and your voice was shaking when, halfway through wondering aloud when Sebastian was going to learn to be fucking responsible, you realized you didn’t mean that, and that it was kind of a fucked up thing to say.

You might have tried to backpedal– to apologize– but Sebastian was tense. He was scared. He had fucked up his end of term project for Potions, and he was positive he’d basically failed an exam in History of Magic earlier today because of how scatterbrained he had been. He had yet to narrow down a potential career path for after school ended, which his professors never let him forget, much to his annoyance. So as you drew in a breath to stutter out an apology, Sebastian was too afraid of hearing more about what a fuckup he was to let you start.

Blindly, he picked up the closest thing to him on the desk situated between you both, and shot out of his seat to throw it at the wall. It turned out to be an ink container, the black, murky liquid spilling down the walls of the Room of Requirement, and the sound of the shattered pieces of the bottle cascading to the floor was muted by the volume of Sebastian’s cruel words.

When Sebastian was finally out of breath from screaming and your tears were streaming down your cheeks in earnest– the salt trails equal parts rage, disbelief, and guilt– the two of you stared at one another for a long, heavy moment.

You’d both fucked up, and you both knew it.

But Sebastian was starting to lose himself, and you couldn’t stop sobbing. The air was too thick for words, the pain and the anger and the fear combusting into a shrieking tempest. It was too much to bear in the cavernous room, and you both cracked.

Two years of your steady cadence shuddered and fell like leaves when Sebastian found his voice first.

“I’m fucking done.”

—

It had been three days of Sebastian actually staying in his dorm. He hadn’t been sleeping at all, but he was there during the night, and Ominis had been forced to listen to his friend toss and turn fitfully since he’d ended things with you so terribly.

Sebastian could still hear the echoing slam of the massive oak doors of the Room of Requirement. He could still hear the way you’d choked on your words, and when he closed his eyes in his vain attempts to quiet his mind, all he saw was you. Your hands curled into fists, teeth savaging your bottom lip, tears coursing down your face and dripping from your chin as you’d squeezed your bloodshot eyes closed and started erasing him from your mind.

At least, Sebastian imagined you had.

Given his shitty academic performance in recent weeks, Sebastian couldn’t afford to skip classes in order to avoid you, but it turned out that he didn’t have to. You hadn’t shown up once to any of your classes– even the ones you didn’t share with him. It hammered home the finality of what had transpired three nights ago, and if he drank a little too much stolen Firewhiskey to cope with the sinking feeling in his chest, Ominis elected not to say anything about it.

“You’ve been under a lot of stress recently,” Ominis said later that night, squeezing Sebastian’s shoulder as he used the brunet as leverage to lower himself into the couch cushions. The common room was deserted, and Sebastian was grateful for the lack of prying eyes, curling his hand tighter around the neck of the bottle between his legs. “Both of you have. Sometimes, things just boil over.”

Sebastian didn’t reply at first. He didn’t even know where to fucking start. Stress couldn’t begin to excuse the shit he’d said to you right before he left. In-between your gut-wrenching sobs, he was certain he had heard your heart crack in two at some point, and it was his own fault. Running his hands down his face, Sebastian heaved a trembling sigh, trying to sort out the crappy thoughts bouncing around his tipsy brain.

“Was she in any of your classes with you today?” Sebastian asked, his gaze trained on the ceiling as he willed the watery tone in his voice away. He had cried enough over everything– his eyes and his throat fucking ached from it.

Ominis sighed, reaching to the side table for his steaming cup of tea. He worked it into a safe grip before blowing softly, taking a tentative sip. “Not today, no. None of her roommates have seen her in her dorm either– I already asked.”

Sebastian just wanted to know how you looked. Maybe it was awful of him to think as much, but he liked to imagine you were faring as bad as he was. You were an impossibly strong and powerful witch, willful and understanding, and you got mad so rarely that Sebastian couldn’t help but loathe the idea of you putting on a brave face and smiling until you were over him.

What right did he have to be thinking such things, though? He was the one who had walked out.

Ominis said nothing when he heard Sebastian lift the bottle to his lips again, taking a hearty swig that burned on the way down. Tears welled up in his swollen, brown eyes, and they slipped down his cheeks silently, a metaphorical rain cloud looming over his end of the couch. The two men didn’t say a word, but after a while, Ominis tugged Sebastian against his shoulder, letting the heartbroken man cry softly into his pajamas.

—

“Bloody hell, mate,” Garreth muttered, leaning over his cauldron to get closer to Sebastian. “Two years, though?”

The classroom was quiet, save for the steady bubbling at everyone’s stations. They were supposed to be working on brewing an Edurus Potion, but Garreth seemed more interested in his friend’s failed love life after hearing through the grapevine what had happened. Sebastian didn’t answer, choosing to focus on adding in the Mongrel Fur to his silvery concoction.

“Together that long and this close to graduation, I thought that was going to turn into fucking marriage, you know? Are you sure it’s–”

Garreth stopped talking when Sebastian slammed his hands down on his table, shattering a flask under the weight of his fist so suddenly, the redhead jumped back with his green eyes blown wide. Sebastian’s stare fell from Garreth to the blood pooling under his palm, biting his tongue through the stinging pain and unintentional tremors while Professor Sharp strode over to see what the commotion was about.

Docked five house points and dismissed to the Hospital Wing, Sebastian shuffled up the winding staircases in a daze. His head hurt when he walked through the double doors to the infirmary, but he ignored the dull ache and got to dealing with his hand so he could leave faster and sleep through the impending migraine. Once all the glass had been picked out of Sebastian’s cuts and he’d been disinfected, bandaged, and fed a Wiggenweld potion for extra measure, he made his way back to the dorms.

He dimly realized on the trek down that it wasn’t how long he had been together with you that was preventing him from getting over you.

—

“You’ll be back on your feet in no time,” Leander said from two tables away, raising his Butterbeer towards Sebastian and Ominis. The two were tucked away in the far corner of The Three Broomsticks at Ominis’ insistence, in some feeble attempt to get Sebastian out of the permanent rut he had found himself in for five consecutive days now. The brooding Slytherin just picked at his bandages, gritting his teeth together and silently hoping that the dirty bar floor would open up and swallow him whole.

There were too many students around for comfort, and a number of them glanced cautiously between Leander the Sebastian, checking to make sure that the Gryffindor wasn’t at risk of having his nose broken. He meant well– especially after 6 Butterbeers– but Prewett was famously not good with words, and Sebastian didn’t trust himself to speak anymore.

Leander motioned to Sirona for another drink, and once she’d deposited it on the table with an amused shake of her head, he walked the pint over to the dreary corner. “On me. You don’t need her, mate. Chin up.”

With a rough clap on Sebastian’s shoulder, he left just as suddenly as he’d appeared. Ominis listened warily for any signs of anger or sadness, but all he heard was the sound of liquid sloshing as Sebastian lifted the drink to his lips and chugged down two thirds of it.

As he set the tankard down on the table, Sebastian looked up at the cobweb covered beams overhead, acknowledging that no, he didn’t need you.

But that wasn’t what was keeping him so low, either.

—

After a week without so much as a glimpse of you, Sebastian took to wandering. He was restless– constantly fidgeting– like he had a fire burning under his ass all hours of the day. His chest was perpetually heavy, as though there were a Graphorn sitting on him, and his hair was in a constant state of disarray from running his hands through it.

Sebastian was a mess. He knew he was.

Shit, there really weren’t any other excuses for standing in a fucking fountain in the middle of the night, staring daggers at a stone dragon because there was no one else around to focus his frustrations on. There were probably better places to be shifting through his jumbled thoughts than in the middle of the Transfiguration Courtyard, but at this point, he felt bad keeping Ominis awake all night with his inability to sit still and sleep.

Either way, Sebastian halted his wading through the water to glare firmly at the statue again, doing his best to imagine a future without you in it.

Thus far, you had been Sebastian’s first and only love– aside from dueling. You knew him inside and out. You could look at him from across a room and know instantly how close he was to punching someone, how tired he was, or whether or not he was actually listening to a conversation. You had a million different smiles for a million of Sebastian’s petty annoyances, and all of them struck hard and true and left him feeling at peace with the state of his life.

He knew you just as well– it wasn’t like you were some all powerful Legilimen living in his head. You had your flaws, your insecurities, your anxieties. You made mistakes, and you had inhuman levels of empathy and understanding– which was probably how you had managed to deal with him after your tumultuous fifth-year.

There was something viscerally calming about you, something that never failed to keep him in line when he was acting like a piece of shit, and that kept him steady when he was feeling anxious. It had been too much, though, and Sebastian knew you took on the burdens of others far too heavily without stopping to think of yourself. It weighed on you.

You weren’t perfect, but neither was he.

Leaning against the dragon, Sebastian closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, the water in the fountain lapping at his calves and trickling soothingly in a short arc from the dragon’s parted lips.

Maybe Sebastian just couldn’t comprehend people as well as he thought he could. That was probably it.

You were the brains, and he was the brawns. You were philosophical, seemingly making sense of everything that crossed your path, while Sebastian understood too little despite trying. Between the two of you, you managed to make just enough sense of the world to be comfortable. But now everything was over.

Sebastian kicked at the water idly, dodging under the dragon’s stream to make another lap around the fountain.

He liked dueling. He appreciated how simple it was– it was do or die, realistically speaking. Cast or get casted on. Win or lose. Whoever he would go up against would inevitably let their mask slip, cluing him in on their thinking, their pain, their weaknesses. It was logical for him, and most of the time, he found his opponents predictable.

Sebastian never could have predicted that he would walk out on you, though, and he definitely wouldn’t have ever predicted that you would let him.

It took him a few minutes to realize that he was standing under the dragon’s stream, and it was soaking through his hair and into his shirt. He sighed, slicking his bangs away from his face before letting the cold water rain down on his flushed face for a moment, and then he was stepping out of its way.

There had to be a reason Sebastian was having so much trouble with this.

Leander had been unwittingly correct; Sebastian definitely didn’t need you, as in, it wasn’t like he couldn’t breathe without you. He was his own person with his own strengths, and you were the same. It wasn’t even that he had put ‘too much time into it’, as Garreth had implied, because loving you had never felt time consuming. He couldn’t even begin to move on from this, and it was pissing him off, because he was really fucking tired of crying and of staring at walls, unfocused and feeling hollow.

Sebastian was especially tired of his hands turning over all the time to find yours, because he knew you weren’t there anymore. Still, he couldn’t stop his fingers from spreading to make room between them for yours, and he couldn’t stop his eyes from scanning every room for you. He would never be able to stop his body from shifting to accommodate someone who would never occupy that space again.

Sebastian fixed his stormy gaze on the dragon again, deep in thought about you. You, who always understood a little more than you probably should have, and who always knew how to read him like a damn book. You would lay beside him every night tangled together, tapping in time to the steady beat of his heart under your ear, quieting the restless drive that seemed to always exist within him.

He could move on from you. He could focus on his studies, the two of you would graduate, and eventually you would both find someone else. But ultimately, Sebastian seriously doubted he would ever feel the bone-deep comfort that stemmed from you again. It seemed highly unlikely that he would ever meet someone that made him feel the way you did. It was like… no matter how long the two of you sat and watched clouds, or meandered through the woods, it was never time wasted. It had always been okay to just exist for a while without doing something, or making something, or going somewhere. When he was with you, it had always felt okay for him to put his problems on the table and walk away from them for a while, instead of obsessively stabbing them and getting more and more frustrated.

No matter where he went or how successful Sebastian could potentially be, he had a sneaking suspicion that his fingers would always spread just far enough for yours to slide between them.

The sound of sloshing water filled the courtyard, and then Sebastian’s soaked shoes were slapping against the grass with each pounding step that led him full speed towards the Room of Requirement. The only thought in his mind as he skipped up the steps two at a time was that the peace that came over the both of you when you were together had to be worth fucking trying again.

There was something to be said about how the normally concealed oak doors were already displayed, as though beckoning him to where he knew you had been hiding for days now. He eased his way inside without a second thought, noting the messy state of the desk in the corner and the stacks of books that had toppled over on themselves beside the entryway. The entire space looked lived in, and your unique scent hit him full force as he strode further into the room.

When Sebastian reached the bottom of the tiny stairwell leading towards the larger living area, you were looking up from your seat in front of the fireplace that lit the otherwise dark chamber. The look on your sleepless face and the way your unruly hair curled wildly around your temples clued him in on the fact that he wasn’t the only one who had been feeling like utter shit this last week. Your lips parted around a silent gasp as Sebastian stumbled towards you, still panting from having sprinted to get there.

“Hi,” he wheezed, leaning forward on his knees and forcing a deep breath into his lungs in a bid to prevent himself from passing out.

“Sebastian?” Your voice was small and raspy– as though it hadn’t been used the entire time you’d been holed up here. “Why are you so wet–”

“I love you,” he interrupted, his labored breathing filling the silence that followed the declaration. “I love you and I’m so fucking sorry that I’m such a prick and that I hurt you. I fucked up and I can’t take back anything that was said but I wanted you to know how sorry I am, and that I don’t want to be done, and if you aren’t tired of me yet I have a really stupid dueling metaphor for why we should stay together– mmph–”

You had crossed the space between you both in a flash, reaching out preemptively until your trembling hands clasped Sebastian’s soaked tie to yank him towards you.

“I missed you,” you whispered as you leaned your forehead against his, your breath warming his chilled lips– just a hair’s width away from kissing– but your hesitation burned like fire between the two of you. “Merlin, Sebastian, I’m so sorry–”

Sebastian reached up to tangle his fingers in your hair, and his damp skin caught on the tiny knots that were scattered throughout the normally tame strands. His sighs mixed with yours, the two of you murmuring tense little ‘I love you’s and ‘I missed you’s until the sounds mingled and settled in time.

Looping an arm around your waist to guide you towards the modest bedroom the room had conjured up years ago, Sebastian maintained the tentative space between your lips, whispering your name as he led you through the hallway. Your fingers were already working open the buttons on his soaked shirt, trusting him completely to walk you safely backwards to your once shared bedroom. Sebastian slowed, taking his hands off of you only once to shrug out of his button up, dropping it haphazardly behind him. Your strikingly warm hands blazed over his shoulders, then down his chill-ridden arms, before he was bending over to rid himself of his waterlogged shoes and socks. Sebastian stood straight right after, resting his hands on your waist while your shaky hands slipped down to work at the wet catch of his trousers.

The bedroom door was shut, so your heads banged together when Sebastian accidentally walked you into it. He blurted a string of curses, leaning down to press his lips gently against your forehead apologetically. Blindly, he reached behind you in search of the doorknob– which was quite frankly the only unfamiliar part of the entire room– because the door had never been closed before.

Sebastian realized belatedly that oh, the door had never been closed before, and the couch you’d been perched on when he walked in had been covered in a nest of thick quilts and extra pillows.

Oh.

He trailed his lips slowly across your brow, then down the curve of your nose, before kissing the corners of your mouth so tenderly that the affection left you wanting to cry. Pressing one more kiss to the tip of your nose, he whispered, “You slept on the couch?”

Your breath caught in your throat, and your fingers stilled in their efforts to remove the damp material from Sebastian’s clammy skin. Shivering slightly, you could only look up at him through your lashes, understanding that he wasn’t asking so much as he was stating. Of course he knew you had slept on the couch.

Silence crept through the dark hallway, broken only by your meek sniffles, before you were nodding against Sebastian’s chest. He lowered his head in an instant, pressing his lips to your cheeks, but the sudden taste of salt and the slip of water had him pulling away to look at you. You were quick to wipe away the fresh tears dripping down your face, your breath hitching on barely-caught sobs and your bloodshot eyes squeezing shut against them.

Sebastian captured your hands in his and twined your fingers together, nuzzling away your tears without a care for his own, and he hovered cautiously for a beat before finally closing the space between your lips to kiss you.

It lasted for a moment, then a minute, then a lifetime as Sebastian leaned in closer and breathed love into you, receiving in equal parts the taste of his tenderness returned. He freed one hand to gently cup your face, his thumb wiping through the wet trails that still lingered, and your arm around his waist tightened immeasurably further, tugging him flush to you.

You whispered against his soft lips then, your voice cracking, “What brought you back?”

Sebastian pulled back enough to look at you– really look at you– and take in every bit of your face like he would never get the chance to again. It wasn’t like he didn’t already have every expression of yours memorized, but in the last seven days without seeing that warm light in your eyes, the world had seemed a whole lot darker. He sighed, swallowing thickly as he wondered how to begin phrasing every bottomless thought that he’d had since he realized why he hadn’t been getting over you.

He didn’t need you to function. His relationship with you wasn’t an investment or something that could be measured with time, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t imagine a future without you. It was just that he didn’t want to.

Sebastian didn’t want to live without you beside him. He didn’t want to grow old without you, and he didn’t want anything but to be surrounded by your warmth every day for the rest of his life.

He leaned forward and kissed you again, just as gently as the last dozen times, and you reached up to cradle the hand he still had cupped against your cheek. Breathing a long sigh, Sebastian stared at you longingly as he murmured, “Wherever you are is where I want to be. It’s home. I wouldn’t be stranded without you, but the place I like best is wherever I can be next to you.” You trembled against him, both of you biting back resurfacing tears and failing miserably. “If it’s okay, can I come home?”

A tiny whimper slipped from your throat as you nodded, wiggling your arms up to throw them around Sebastian’s shoulders, and then you were sniffling feebly into the crook of his neck. Sebastian wrapped his arms around your wait, holding you tightly as he fumbled for the doorknob, and by the time the two of you had crossed the short space to the bed, you were somewhere between laughing and crying.

Your hands moved back to Sebastian’s glued on trousers, leaning up into his kisses eagerly as you swiftly got to removing the painfully cold attire. With a little assistance from the brunet, the two of you managed the pants– by the grace of Merlin and more than a little shimmying. Sebastian’s briefs and the oversized jumper you wore vanished significantly quicker than the rest, and he quickly eased you down onto the soft, familiar sheets.

Sebastian rolled over beside you, lifting his hips to haul the covers over you both before he pressed his still-chilled body into your welcoming embrace, and he relished in the shiver that coursed over you from the contact.

When your lips came together the next time, neither one of you pulled away, leaving your tears outside of the safe, blanketed world you’d created for yourselves. The whispered love that twined like smoke alongside the quiet sounds of your hands relearning each other’s skin filled the air for hours. Gasping breaths and soft moans of your name were all you could hear, Sebastian’s gentle affirmations of reverence making your heart swell with unbridled affection.

You stayed like that all night, wholly content for the first time in a good, long while. When the sun finally began to cast its waking rays through the paneled window, bathing you both in a golden glow that illuminated the drying sweat on your skin, Sebastian’s soft murmurs and twin heartbeat lulled you into a blissful sleep.

Just before unconsciousness stole you away, you threaded your fingers through his own, letting your intertwined hands rest atop his chest in the same way Sebastian had so dearly missed. He pressed a lingering kiss to your temple, closing his eyes against the growing morning light, and he felt lighter than he ever had as you thoughtfully whispered, “Welcome home.”

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x you #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow fanfic #sebastian sallow x female! reader #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanfic #my writing #sebastian sallow oneshot #sebastian sallow x mc #angsty pain because it can't all be daisies and roses where Sebastian is concerned

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authorhjk1 · 5 months

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Thank you

to every single one of you. Today marks the day of my first whole year on Tumblr.

I appreciate all the support from you guys. I'm excited, when I see that someone has send me a request. A nice comment makes my day. Reblogs and likes make me want to write more and more.

I'm truly thankful for everyone who keeps reading my stuff. I know I have a lot of things I can improve and I have more than enough open requests. I will do my best to meet your expectations.

This post isn't only my way of saying thank you, but also an announcement.

1. I won't be taking new requests for the book I started out with. The story "Take what you can" will be finished, once I've written all the chapters that are on the list. And maybe a final closing one.

2. I'm not able to do a "Kinktober", which I've seen a lot of other writers do. I got asked that before and I would love to do that, but I have exams right before October and the next semester starts in the middle of the month. So I don't have the time or energy for that. But I will do a "December special" this year again. I know that's still quite early, but you are welcome to send in requests you might already have. Just make sure you mention it's for the special, otherwise I might not see it as one. I'm doing this early, because last time I had trouble meeting the deadline for the last chapter. So I hope I will be on time this year, if I'm able to start writing earlier. I don't have a specific date for the end of the request phase yet, but I will let you know soon enough. You can submit the same requests as last year, if they weren't one of the four I've written.

I'm currently very occupied by my project for university, so I wasn't able to finish the current request until today. I hope this small teaser will make waiting for it seem a little shorter. I should be done with it by the middle of the next week (I hope).

"Your sister and your mom are still here."

She takes another bite. More slowly this time. And with way more eye contact.

"Oh please. As if they are going to check on us."

"We shouldn't be doing this with anyone around."

She gets up, walking around the table.

"No one will go into your study without permission."

"But-"

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antoncore · 4 months

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Eunseok was a patient man. he'd spent years building up his nonchalant attitude and cold demeanor when in reality he himself knew how angry he got. Eunseok was a patient man, or so he thought until this moment.

Another thing Eunseok also knew, was you. After tutoring for about nearly a year now, he knew all your habits. He knew when u had stayed up all night studying, being tired during his tutoring lessons, sometimes falling asleep. He didn't mind really, because you always did the homework he gave, and always asked questions if you didn't understand. He knew when u were feeling stressed because of the amount of work you had, knew when u were happy with the mark u got without u even explicitly telling him, and another thing he knew is that u were a crybaby.

Normally, you'd show up to his apartment 5 minutes prior to ur tutoring session, settling in, taking out the homework you finished and asking him if you had any doubts. Except today. You had walked in, still 5 minutes earlier and had sat down in the designated spot you'd study in, Eunseok patiently waited for you to give him the worksheet he gave you to complete. Eunseok was a patient man, he waited for 5 minutes, as u rummaged through your bag looking for the worksheet, 5 more minutes passed. As you took out and gave him the worksheet, to Eunseoks surprise it was all blank. Eunseok thought he was a patient man, he really thought. Asking u a simple "what happened?". While you just look up at him staring at him. And eunseok knew you, he didn't need the fat globs of tears to fall down your face to know something's wrong. He was losing patience.

As you just murmer a "idk i dont understand it..." He starts loosing his patience, this was the 3rd time this week you'd shown up with your homework not done. "What don't you understand, tell me exactly" And there it was. The fat globs of liquid dripping down from your tear ducts staring up at him, while he's trying to be patient asking u again "what didn't you understand". When you responded "everything". Eunseok realised. That he really wasn't a patient man.

For the last 5 weeks he'd been preparing you for the upcoming exam only less than 3 weeks away, and now u were saying you didn't understand anything? He was starting to get impatient. "Do u really don't understand everything? Maybe I'll go over this topic again?" When u respond "no! No no! I really dont understand, i dont know whats wrong with me :( i swear I knew everything, but i-i i dont understand anything". That's it he thought.

He sighed, knowing he couldn't get mad at you....not yet... Not when u were sitting on the carpet next to him sobbing. Moving close to u, tellling himself to be patient, he stroked ur hair, asking once again "what's the problem, are the questions too hard, hmm? Or the theory? Or the memorization?" He was trying to really trying to help you. "I DON'T KNOW okay, i - just i- idk" he was trying to help, really, but how could he if you weren't cooperating?

He'd had enough now, pulling you by the arm onto his lap and holding you in place, whispering sweet words in your ear, "calm down baby, ill teach you hmm... Ill teach u everything u couldn't fucking understand in the last 5 weeks", his words reassuring you but his hands are gripping ur thighs so strongly, projecting his anger.

Idk i think i could write more and kinda turn in into a mini fic but idk 😭😭😭😭

Leave thoughts, opinions and elaborate on this if you will<333 ! - 🍫

you’re SO good!!!! you should def write and make this longer!!!!

maybe he gives you pussy slaps while he teaches you the content or fucks you, forcing you to read the textbook🥹 but omg ik i’ve said i love softdom!eunseok but i want him to lose his patience with me and just take his anger out on me AAAA

#tonisbabydoll chats 💬#cee s.es #🍫 anon

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maryjanewagner · 3 months

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A procrastinatory Update

It's 5am and I should be studying statistics. I have this exam on Monday (tomorrow actually...) and I started studying for it two days ago. Well, this time it is really just about passing. Though I am realising by studying that it's actually not that hard and that if I just started a week earlier this exam would have been the easiest thing ever.

What can I do now? ... Writing this is helping ease my anxiety.

Afterward, I’ll sleep, and when I wake up, I’ll tackle all the practice tasks until 7:30pm. Then, I’ll get ready for a special event at the theatre:

The Gala at the theatre

Tomorrow marks our final day before the summer break and the last performance under our current director, who is also as an actor. After 15 years, he will retire from his role as director, leaving a legacy that has made him a well-known, but controversial, figure in our city. His successor will be his wife, a lovely woman who, in many ways, reminds me of myself. I believe she feels a similar kinship. However, it deeply troubles me that she tolerates her husband's blatant infidelities. She deserves far better, and I am disappointed by her acceptance of such treatment.. She is about 55, childless and is a workaholic. It will be an honour to be working for her, hence I am also so excited to be part of this historic moment tomorrow. Nonetheless, the future of our theater looks challenging. We are a private establishment and receive minimal financial support from the city or government, leaving our continued existence uncertain.

Anyway, without sounding arrogant, I already know that I will be the best dressed tomorrow. I always manage to impress, just like at the Christmas party last year where I felt incredibly overdressed. This time, there's no such thing as overdressing. The mayor of the city will be attending, along with many local and even some nationally renowned figures. I am looking forward, but I should also not forget that studying is still what I should focus on today. On another note:

I did not get the job as a research assistant

I tried hard not to get my hopes up, but I still ended up extremely disappointed. Being a student research assistant is my dream. I would love to be part of a current research project. Being an official, even paid, part of academia would be the best thing for my ego. It would open doors to meet other researchers and finally make me feel part of an academic community—something I've always longed for.

Recently, I realized that working with researchers seems to be my only way of being part of such a community right now. Establishing a friend circle with people my age who are informed, passionate, and not just pretentious seems impossible, considering I don't even have one friend like this. I’m not saying such people don’t exist, but the ones I meet who are my age are either uninterested or, if they are interested, they’re very arrogant and unapproachable.

My only friend who is passionate about and successful in academia, yet not arrogant, is 15 years older than me. Meeting him is a blessing I still cannot comprehend, and I am endlessly thankful every day for our friendship. But it’s a rare kind of friendship, and I can't expect other researchers to befriend me like this. In the end, where and how?

So, as I realized, the only way to get close to them is by working for them. Since no one at the institutes where I study is looking for a student assistant, I recently had this unconventional idea of emailing some professors or researchers to see if I could help them—just for the experience, without even getting paid. It feels a bit awkward, but in the end, what do I have to lose? That being said I want to end on a hopeful note:

the café of the arthouse cinema

is where I did get a job. The team seems young, and supportive of each other. I will recieve tips and I will be able to watch the movies for free. Also, with that job I will be an integral part of two very important cultural institutions of this city. What else could I wish for?

#café/cinema

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may-nr1rooftoptriodefender · 2 years

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Heyoo, saw that you had your requests open and thought I'd give them a try!

If you can, can you please write headcanons for Aizawa from mha having a twin sister thats older than him. How do you think they acted jn high-school? To me the prolly fighted a lot. And HATED being in school projects together.

What about you, what do you think?

(If this is too much, feel free to ignore!)

Sorry that it took some time to respond, but I had a lot going on these last weeks but I’d love to make headcanons for that!

I’m so happy that’s my first request :D

I think here aren’t any warnings so yeah

masterlist

soo… let’s get started!

okay so I could imagine them fighting since they were little..

especially if his twin is louder and way more cheerful than him

like yk…. complete opposites

and that annoys them … a lot

aizawa wishes his twin could be a bit more quiet and his dear sister wants him to go out of his introvert shell

they both took the entrance exam in separate areas

they both hoped to have a higher score than the other-

but aizawa scored less with 1 point

100% ego boost for his sister

(she is 3 minutes older so she really likes when she’s better than her brother)

they hoped to get in separate classes but whoops they landed both in class 1-A

…a sad day for them

they both decided to not stick around each other and have different friend groups and such (they also didn’t want to mention that they’re related)

but the others figured out fast (they look similar and have the same last name like common)

since aizawa is an introvert, his sister is rather surprised that he found friends, especially with such cheerful people

she herself made also a good amount of friends

which is no surprise to her brother

it’s annoying when her friends are hanging out at their house

it’s also annoying that when his two best friends are there, she also hangs out with them

they’re classmates after all, so of course they know each other and get along

aizawa prays that she doesn’t start dating one of them

same goes with the friends of his sister

but she’s the only girl he’s talking to so no worries

like said earlier, they’re avoiding each other in school but sometimes they have to interact with each other

like school projects (which they both hate)

or sparring (which they like because they can see who’s stronger)

and the walk from and to school

sometimes they get along

the aizawas help each other when the other one is struggling with something

but most of the time they’re fighting over stupid things and are swearing at each other

it’s funny to watch them interact

aizawas nickname is emo cat lover boy

his sister gets the ‘annoying sister’

(the female aizawa is more talented with names…)

would she ever get a boyfriend, aizawa has his protective brother mode on

no one is ever good enough for his sister

and if he would ever get a girlfriend, his sister would only embarrass him to no end

even if they hate each other sometimes, they’re always supporting each other

they’d listen to each others problems.

——————————————————

okay that’s all I have for today. I hope I reached your expectations!

Requests are open and I have the rules pinned on my acc.

song for today- starboy by the weeknd

#aizawa x reader #shouta aizawa #mha #bnha headcannons

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bgw57 · 1 year

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This is me. Yes, I was born when baby lotion came in glass bottles. Sixty-six years ago on August 3rd, before the Space Age, even, although just two months and one day before. This is also the start of all my stuff. Beside my flat-on-top ears there are a couple of other things in this photo that I still have today.

This is me posing with my hospital bracelet in 2017 when I was working on an earlier version of this blog, called The Packrat Project. I'm told I have a lot of stuff from my childhood, and unusual amount. I not so sure. It all seems perfectly normal to me. Doesn't everyone have their hospital baby bracelet? Maybe Mom or Dad tuck it away in your baby book, which at some point they hand to you as a gift. Or it's discovered in the back of some drawer as you clean out their house, moving one of both of them to Senior Living or the grave.

I don't remember now what the specific motivation was for my mom to one day hand me a couple of small boxes, a stationery box and a box from Johnson & Johnson, maybe that's where the bottle came from, a promotional product. Like this, my very first piece of wall art.

I'm not sure what the tie in was with Carnation evaporated milk, other than milk being one of the chief topics of conversation around this time. I'm not sure, did I lose half a pound just after weighing in at 7 lbs 11 oz? Hmmmm

Siri says that it's normal for babies to lose weight, initially (who wouldn't, after that trauma?) but they gain it back by three weeks. I had surpassed my birth weight at 2 weeks as you can see by these after-visit summaries for a six day exam when I was still Baby Boy Williams (above) and the two week visit, seven pounds thirteen ounces, after which I evidently become quite the little eater - 19 pounds at six months.

And so here I go. This is an experiment. A vanity project. Something to do in my all but formal retirement (official start Feb 2024). In my next entry - a bit of the tree this nut falls so near to.

#family history #souvenirs #family photos #memorabilia #memoir #childhood #my birthday

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folatefangirl · 1 year

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summer writing/reading tag

I was tagged by @byjillianmaria (thank you!)

gonna tag a couple of people who might be keen: @displayheartcode and @kathrynabbott

1) Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

u mean i have to do something besides make shitposts for the Tolkien fandom? Say it ain’t so! Erm. I’d like to work on the Tolkien crackfics I was already in the middle of writing and then maaaaybe gently dig into the notes for other things that were put on hiatus during internships/board exam studying/life hell and one laptop migration later cuz tbh I haven’t even tried to open them up in LibreOffice yet. Which reminds me I need to uninstall OpenOffice and upgrade it. Ughhhhhh.

2) Recommend a book.

Not a traditional book per se but if anyone is keen to read a niche bit of queer history that older queer people consumed before we had all the lovely media we enjoy today, the Strangers in Paradise comic by Terry Moore has been captivating me lately. Note: It’s dated (was developed in the late 80s/early 90s) and has some real wild shit. That being said, it’s an important part of queer history imo and I’m glad to have the chance to read it.

3) Recommend a fic.

I already recommended @longsightmyth‘s Bright Lights Cast Long Shadows series earlier this week so may I tell everyone about this fantastic Stardew Valley superhero AU by ohhgingersnaps? It was an extremely fun and relatable read.

4) Recommend music.

Joker Out from Slovenia has some very powerful vocals and voice chameleon skills and I’m mad jealous. Dude can sing in so many languages without breaking a sweat. Anyway here he is doing a really cool cover of Maneskin’s Zitti e Buoni (and yes he’s on spotify). I also like this other band cover a friend introduced me to recently. If I ever get back to any of the vaguely referenced WIPs from above, I really should see where the indie Chinese and Taiwanese music scene has got up to in the past couple of years cuz some of their playlists have been real good for tickling the writer brain. Berlin Psycho Nurses 柏林護士 have some fun stuff.

#thanks for the tag!#cinnia says stuff #writeblr #tag game

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windowlessatmosphere · 2 years

Text

I Still Get Jealous

Read on AO3

Summary: Sky has a new project partner that he can't stop talking about, which ensures that Prapai can't stop thinking about it.

“And the shipping team has been notified?”

“Yes, Khun Pai,” Namtan confirms, nodding as she jots something down.

“Great, thank you,” Pai breathes a sigh of relief. “Is that everything?” Namtan confirms that it is, and he dismisses her with a smile. They’d only had to stay a half hour late today, thanks to her relentless pursuit of perfection in all things business and his burning desire to make it back home to Sky as quickly as possible.

He does just that, texting Sky to get his preference for dinner and grabbing the food on the way home. They’re hanging out at Sky’s place tonight, always the better option when his professors are throwing a huge workload at him.

“How were your classes today?” Prapai asks, making sure Sky is taking enough food. He doesn’t eat enough, in Pai’s opinion, which his mother backs up firmly.

“Good,” Sky answers, pausing to take a bite. “I think the exam went okay.”

“You think?”

“I’m never sure until I get it back,” Sky shrugs, stealing from Prapai’s bowl. He allows it easily, not sure if Sky realizes that he’s not getting one over on Prapai, he’s just making him melt from the domesticity.

“I’m sure you did perfect,” Pai reassures him, his tone indicating that his professor must be crazy otherwise. Sky rolls his eyes in response, but Prapai can see the fond smile he’s hiding behind his chopsticks.

“Oh! And we got a new project in History of Architecture”.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, we have to pair up with a senior, pick an architect, and analyze how their designs shaped and influenced architecture. It actually sounds really interesting.”

Prapai nods and confirms that it sounds interesting, listening as Sky explains what he’s leaning towards doing for the project. They move on for a while, and Prapai puts it out of his mind without thinking much of it.

Until. Well.

Once Sky is actually paired up with his senior, Prapai can’t stop thinking about it. To be fair, Sky can’t stop talking about it, or about the senior he’s been paired up with. Apparently, he’s well-known in the architecture faculty, well-respected. Sky can’t stop talking about how friendly he’s been toward Sky, how he listens to his ideas and treats him like an equal instead of just ordering him around. Apparently, Sig’s senior was essentially just using him to fetch coffee and do grunt work, and this wasn’t out of the ordinary. And, of course, Prapai’s glad that Sky’s senior isn’t being dismissive towards him, he is, but there’s really no need to be this friendly, he thinks.

He keeps it to himself, knowing that he’s being unreasonable. Besides, the situation will resolve itself once the project is over and they aren’t seeing each other on a regular basis anymore. He’s determined to put it out of his mind, focusing on doing nice things for Sky rather than being jealous for no real reason. He decides he’ll take Sky to his favorite restaurant, something that never fails to earn him a wide smile, the one that makes his eyes squint a little. He shoots Sky a text, figuring he’ll call and make a reservation once Sky’s confirmed he’s free.

Sky Sorry, P’Pai, I can’t tonight. 💗 P’First and I are working on our project 😞 Rain check? 🌧️

He responds quickly, assuring Sky that it’s no problem and they’ll go another night, when he’s free. There is a little jealousy bubbling back up, but he pushes it down, knowing it’s coming out of nowhere. It’s just a project, Sky’s had them before, and he’ll have them again. The fact that this one comes with a partner he can’t stop talking about shouldn’t change things. It shouldn’t. He’s able to keep up this line of thinking for the next week or so, until it all comes crashing down.

He’s greeting his boyfriend at the door, thrilled to have an armful of Sky after coming home to an empty apartment a few hours earlier. He pulls him in close, nuzzling his nose under Sky’s ear to take in the smell of him, feeling something inside him finally unclench.

“How’s the project going?” he asks, not willing to pull away just yet.

“Good,” Sky replies, laughing at the way Prapai continues to cling to him, even as he moves further into the apartment. “Except, this seriously weird thing happened when we were at the library,” he starts, heading to the couch with Prapai still hanging off him. Pai makes a questioning noise, letting him know to continue, and he does. “His ex was like, three tables away from us, and then came over to flirt with him. And I was sitting right there the entire time,” he continues. “It was so uncomfortable. Why are people like this?” he complains, finally succeeding in herding Prapai onto the couch.

“That is weird,” Pai agrees easily. “Was he flirting back?”

“No, not at all,” Sky rolls his eyes a little. “Apparently, some people can’t take a hint,” he tacks on, a teasing glint in his eye. Prapai huffs at that, pouting until Sky relents and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“You still got stuff done, right?” Prapai questions. They have dinner plans tomorrow night, and he doesn’t want First monopolizing any more of Sky’s time because of some annoying ex. “She didn’t stick around too long?”

“He,” Sky corrects him before continuing, “and no, luckily, it was only, like, ten minutes? Still.”

“Still,” Prapai agrees, doing his level best not to read into the fact that First’s ex is a man, and he is, therefore, most likely interested in men. And Sky is, well…a man. “So we’re still on for dinner tomorrow?” he continues, attempting once again to force down any jealous thoughts. A project. It’s just a project, he reminds himself.

This works for a while, especially since he and Sky get to have a nice dinner and spend the entire evening together the following night. The day after, he’s practically walking on air, so cheery and exuberant that Namtan raises an eyebrow at him several times. She finally brings it up, tone suspicious, until Prapai says something about Sky and her face clears in understanding. It’s nice, in a way, that Sky is such a strong presence in his life that she understands without him actually having to explain.

His good mood can’t last forever, though, and it certainly doesn’t. He heads to Sky’s dorm room after work, knowing that he’s working on his project and won’t want to make the trek to Prapai’s. He doesn’t mind, and settles himself on the couch after dinner, watching TV and hugging a throw pillow that smells faintly of Sky’s shampoo. When Sky gets back, Prapai’s all over him, kissing him repeatedly on his cheeks and forehead before kissing him properly. He was vibrating out of his skin a little, waiting for Sky to show up, and wants to express his appreciation properly. This is made especially true by the fact that Sky is wearing one of Prapai’s favorite shirts on him, a loose black sleeveless shirt, with the sides cut so low Pai can easily slip a hand (or two) in and wrap it around Sky’s waist. He does just that, relishing in the warmth of Sky’s skin and laughing under his breath when Sky jumps a little at his cold hands.

He gets Sky over to the couch easily enough, ready to shove his face into Sky’s neck and leave it there for the foreseeable future before he hears his stomach growling.

“Did you eat?” he asks, pulling back enough to see Sky’s face.

“No,” Sky admits, continuing before Pai can argue with him, “I had a snack earlier! But I haven’t had dinner yet.” Prapai’s up off the couch at once, rummaging through the fridge and calling out different options until Sky picks one. Once it’s reheated, he brings it over to Sky, exiling himself to the opposite side of the couch until Sky’s done eating, so as not to impede him with his clinginess. He can’t help but stare, though, which he allows himself to do openly, since he’s not doing any harm. Sky blushes, but seems determined to ignore it. Prapai lets his gaze wander down, lingering on the exposed skin of his ribcage, getting a glimpse of his waist when he leans forward to grab his drink.

Sky starts talking about the progress they’re making, how it’s going on the project, and Prapai can’t help but picture First in his own position. Sitting next to Sky, while he’s wearing that shirt, huddled close together while they talk in hushed tones about architecture, Sky’s favorite thing in the world. He can’t help the stab of jealousy that goes through him, and he actually has to close his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath as he wills it away. He knows Sky well enough to know that nothing is going on, at least on Sky’s side of things. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean First is exempt from developing feelings, and, seriously, how could he not? It’s the one drawback to dating Sky, the only drawback, that he has so many good qualities that Prapai’s constantly on the lookout for random men trying to poach him.

Usually, it’s not too much of a problem, as they tend to be pretty forward, and Sky has no problem shutting them down. Of course, Sky can’t shut someone down if he doesn’t even know that they’re interested, Prapai thinks, nodding along to Sky’s explanation about the architect they’ve chosen for the project. He briefly tries to remind himself that just because First is interested in men, that’s not a guarantee that he’s interested in Sky, necessarily. That line of reasoning is thrown out the window when Sky leans forward again. It’s a very nice view.

So, fine, maybe he’s interested, but that’s still nothing to worry about, Prapai reasons. He knows he doesn’t have to worry about Sky returning his feelings, but he may want to keep an eye out anyway. If the friendship goes on too long before it’s revealed First likes him romantically, Sky might end up feeling used. He tunes back into what Sky’s saying, realizing he’d drifted for a minute there. Sky’s still talking mostly about the project, but definitely peppering in some details that are more First-related. Which is, y’know. Fine.

A couple hours before he’s set to leave work the next day, he gets a text from Sky, letting Prapai know that he and First are working on the project in his dorm today. They’re also getting takeout, and Sky wants to know if he should order anything for Prapai. He responds in the affirmative immediately, eager to finally meet the guy Sky’s been spending the other half of his time with. It’ll give him a face to picture when Sky’s talking about the project, he reasons, determinedly ignoring the other voice in his brain shouting that he needs to know what he’s up against. He’s on edge for the rest of the day, going back and forth on whether he should swing by his condo and change first, eventually deciding against it. He doesn’t usually, he has enough clothes stashed at Sky’s place, and if he feels overdressed, he can always change there. It’s more convenient, and another bonus is that it could be a casual way to let First know that their relationship isn’t anything new or fleeting.

Namtan ends up irritated with him, since he’s basically just staring at the clock every time she comes in to give him something to sign or try to schedule a meeting. He knows he’s not being productive, but he doesn’t feel capable of it, especially with the knowledge that Sky and First are probably already at Sky’s dorm. If he left now, he could get there in about twenty minutes, he thinks, chewing on the end of his pen absentmindedly. He drops it guiltily when the door swings open again, sitting up straight in his chair and making a show of peering over one of the papers on his desk.

“That’s a meeting agenda from two days ago,” she points out drily, raising an eyebrow. She takes it from him, replacing it with the minutes from a meeting he’d missed that morning in favor of a more important one. He groans, and she fixes him with a look that silences him at once.

“Thank you,” he says hastily, giving her a winning smile, one that’s charmed (almost) every romantic interest he’s ever gone after. Sky remains the exception, of course. She’s not swayed in the slightest, snorting at him and shaking her head as she goes back to her desk. He goes through the rest of the day in much the same way, counting down the seconds until he can run out the door.

He finally leaves work, and quicker than he would’ve thought possible, he finds himself standing outside the door to Sky’s dorm room. He takes a deep breath, calming his nerves, and reminds himself that this should be no different than meeting any of Sky’s other school friends.

“P’Pai!” is the greeting he gets when he enters, along with an armful of Sky, which he greatly appreciates. He goes in for a kiss, but only gets a small peck before Sky pulls away, shy. Right. No PDA. He’s still getting used to that, partially because Sky almost never shies away from affection in private, but it’s slowly sinking in. Very slowly.

“P’Pai, this is P’First, my senior,” Sky takes another step back to introduce them. First has come over from the couch and is smiling indulgently at the two of them. Quite unfortunately for Prapai, he’s hot. Which is, in Pai’s opinion, incredibly rude. He’s already taking up so much of Sky’s time, the least he could do is look average while doing it. First doesn’t seem like he’s jealous, or if he is, he’s at least not showing it outwardly. “P’First, this is my boyfriend, P’Pai,” Sky continues. First gives him a polite wai, and Prapai returns the gesture, hoping his expression seems generically amiable.

“It’s nice to meet you,” First says, still smiling. “Sky talks about you all the time.” At that, Prapai preens and Sky blushes.

“Not all the time,” he mutters, intentionally looking away when Prapai cuts his eyes over to Sky, grinning widely.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Pai laughs. He can’t help it, Sky’s so cute when he’s sulking.

First and Sky go back to working on their project, and Prapai takes the opportunity to shower and change into more comfortable clothes. By the time he’s done, Sky’s at the door, taking food from a delivery guy and thanking him politely. Without thinking about it, he crowds up behind Sky as soon as the door closes, wrapping his arms around him from behind. He only remembers they have company when Sky lets out a quiet yelp, blush rising quickly as he wriggles out of Pai’s arms. He apologizes softly, and Sky nods in understanding. Usually, the people they have over are closer friends with Sky, and he’s not as self-conscious about being affectionate in front of them.

It still makes a little thorn of insecurity needle its way in, but he ignores it in favor of helping Sky with the food. He grabs dishes for two, before remembering they need a third set and pivoting back to the cabinets. Their meal is pleasant enough. First is interesting, kind, and funny, which would normally make him a great dinner guest. In this case, however, every positive trait he displays just makes its way onto a mental scoreboard Prapai has started keeping. It’s ridiculous, and he knows that, knows that Sky isn’t comparing him to anyone else, but he can’t seem to stop. When the conversation turns to architecture, First ends up with a whole bunch of points added to his tally for just how enthusiastic Sky grows. His smile is so endearing Prapai seriously considers taking a couple architecture classes on the side, just to be able to understand him better when he talks about his passions. He shakes that thought out of his head, knowing that Sky has plenty of people to discuss architecture with, both of their best friends included. They don’t need to share all their interests to be able to share their lives together.

Prapai asks how the project is going and gets a quick rundown from First, one that sounds fairly similar to the ones he normally gets from Sky. He also gets a couple more anecdotes, including First telling him about all the times he and Sky had met up to work, only for him to realize that Sky had neglected to eat for hours. This was a bad habit of Sky’s, and one that Prapai was doing his best to curtail, but it was sometimes difficult when he wasn’t there in person. He’d shoot Sky a text reminding him to eat, and Sky would mean to, but he’d get sucked back into whatever he was working on, only realizing that he’d never gotten around to it once his task was finished. It was good to hear that First was keeping an eye on that when Prapai wasn’t around to do it, but it also created a slight feeling of guilt. Jealousy, too, but at this point, that wasn’t unexpected in the slightest.

“He never takes care of himself,” First clucks, shaking his head at Sky. Prapai snorts at that and agrees wholeheartedly, causing Sky to aim a swat to the back of his head.

“It’s true!” he protests. “That’s not my fault!” His indignant tone sets Sky off laughing, and Prapai is stuck staring at him while he does. It’s something he’s loved since the first time he saw one of Sky’s real smiles, the genuine happiness that he was exuding. It still gets him to this day, watching Sky’s eyes crinkle in delight and the corners of his mouth curve up. First is laughing along with Sky, somehow managing to keep his cool in the face of Sky’s genuine delight, which is confounding to Prapai.

The conversation moves on from there, with First and Sky talking about shared professors and classes. First warns Sky off of a certain elective he’d been planning to take next semester.

“It’s interesting material, but there’s only one teacher for it, and he’s really harsh,” he explains, taking a drink. “Lek had him last year and worked like crazy , and he still only got a B minus.”

Sky makes an appropriately outraged noise at this and Pai follows suit, humming a note of condolence to Sky who looks somewhat put out at the thought of having to rearrange his schedule for the upcoming semester. He’s a planner, one of the many things Prapai loves about him.

They finish dinner, and Sky and First wrap up their work on the project for the evening. First is as polite as expected when he leaves, making sure to say goodbye to Pai as well, not just Sky. It’s nice of him, Prapai thinks, up until Sky closes the door behind First and says, “That was nice.” Suddenly, it’s no longer nice of him. It’s some sort of elaborate plot to make sure that Sky likes him better, and to make Prapai look worse in comparison. He reminds himself for the hundredth time that he has no need to be jealous, but that’s becoming a harder message to hear now that he knows First is nice and smart and funny. And hot.

He figures the best solution is just to double down. While Sky is always his number one priority, he can put more effort into showing Sky just how true that is. For the next week, he’s buying presents, sending flowers, and taking Sky out to his favorite restaurants. That last one actually only ends up happening twice, due to the fact that Sky’s so busy with First, working on the project. Prapai is fine with that. He’s fine. He tries to keep it to no more than that, knowing that Sky will end up suspicious if he goes too far overboard. He doesn’t want Sky thinking that he’s actually worried about him cheating, he knows he’d never do that. He just wants to reassure Sky that he’s the right option, that he’s the one to take care of him. Even if the more he hears about First, the more insecure he feels in that idea. He may not have every quality that Sky deserves in a boyfriend, but he knows that the depth of feeling he has for Sky surpasses what anyone else can offer. That much, he’s confident in.

A few days later, he’s buckling down, drowning in all the work he’s put off lately, when his phone rings. He glances at the screen for a second, planning to reject the call until he sees Sky’s name and picks up instead.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greets. He can’t help the smile that comes over his face, even though no one’s around to see it.

“Hi, P’Pai,” Sky responds, voice quiet. “Are you busy tonight?”

“Why are we whispering?” Prapai asks, dropping his voice to the same volume as Sky’s.

“I’m in the library,” Sky explains. “Are you busy?”

Prapai looks at his desk mournfully, the wood so covered with documents he can’t even see it. “Um,” he starts hesitantly, already trying to mentally rearrange things. “Maybe?”

Sky huffs out a laugh at that, still trying to be quiet. “It’s a yes or no question, babe,” he says softly, a note of fondness discernible in his voice.

“Probably not,” Pai replies apologetically. “What’s up?”

“First asked us to dinner,” Sky tells him. “It’s nothing special,” he reassures Prapai, “it’s okay if you’re busy.”

Prapai does a quick run-through of everything he has left to do, and comes to the conclusion that he really shouldn’t go. He’s not entirely on board with that conclusion, but it does seem to be the truth, unfortunate as it is. He tells Sky as much, who is, as expected, very understanding about it. The rest of the evening is awful, slogging through mountains of paperwork while he thinks about Sky having dinner with First at some upscale restaurant. Maybe they’re sipping champagne and toasting to their partnership, how well they work together, he thinks darkly. He crosses something out a little too aggressively, and ends up tearing the page. He sighs at that, printing out a new copy and rubbing his eyes.

The rest of his evening is spent in much the same frame of mind, only improved by Sky texting him that he’ll come to Prapai’s that night, since the restaurant is close by. He’s so late getting back that Sky beats him there, though he doesn’t realize this until he enters the living room. Sky’s curled up on the couch under a blanket, mindlessly scrolling through his phone with his eyes half shut. Prapai greets him softly, and presses a kiss to his forehead in response to the sleepy smile he gets when Sky looks up. He goes to sit down, but Sky pushes him back up, dragging him to his room so he can change out of his suit. Sky flops down on the bed, watching him lazily and laughing when he gets a foot stuck in his pants. He puts pajamas on and joins Sky on the bed, much more able to relax with his arms wrapped around him.

“How was dinner?” he thinks to ask, pulling Sky in a little closer and sticking his face in the crook of his neck.

“It was good,” Sky mumbles, rubbing his thumb over the back of Pai’s hand. “I got to meet Lek,” he adds on, sounding slightly more awake. Prapai scans his mind for any information about Lek, remembering vaguely that Sky had mentioned him a few times.

“First’s friend?” he hazards a guess, recalling that First had talked about him as well.

“Boyfriend,” Sky corrects. “I thought I mentioned him?”

“You did,” Prapai confirms, trying to hide the fact that there’s currently a victory parade marching through his brain, complete with a cheering crowd. “I think I just missed the boyfriend detail,” he explains, unable to help his smile at that and hoping it doesn’t show in his voice. It must not, because Sky just hums in understanding and snuggles back against him.

The next day, they stay in and have breakfast at home. They eat with Phan and Plerng, who are some of the only people that are, in Pai’s opinion, always appropriately excited to see Sky. They’re fawning and gushing over him in a way that still makes Sky blush somehow, despite how well he knows them at this point. He’s still not completely used to this, still glances at Prapai every once in a while to make sure it’s all right. Prapai just smiles back reassuringly, always happy to see his family so accepting of his boyfriend, especially considering how opinionated they all are. Sky talks about the dinner from last night, and Plerng chimes in that he and Lek are in the same faculty, and that he’s the sweetest thing. Sky seconds the notion, and Pai has a brief moment where he wonders if he needs to be worrying about Lek instead, then dismisses the thought. He really, really doesn’t need to be worrying about a guy Sky’s met once who’s in a relationship besides.

They take the rest of the day at a relaxed pace, with both of them free for once. Sky’s caught up on his schoolwork, too, so they lounge near the pool. Sky reads manga, and Prapai watches him, utterly content. It’s a wonderful day on its own merit, but is made even better by the fact that Prapai is no longer thinking about First and whether he’s interested in Sky. It’s a weight he didn’t even notice was pressing into him until it vanished, and he can feel the room to breathe that he now has.

Later that day, they’re cuddled on the couch, half-watching a drama. Sky’s on his phone, scrolling through the architecture faculty group chat and updating Pai on all the gossip.

“Ugh,” he huffs, angling his phone towards Prapai. “Remember that guy P’Som was dating?”

“I thought they broke up,” Prapai says, trying to remember.

“They did,” Sky confirms. “Like, two days ago. He’s already dating someone new.”

Prapai expresses the appropriate amount of disgust at that, trying to remember if he’s actually met Som or not. He can’t seem to come up with a face, so he’s not quite sure.

Unfortunately, this starts him back on the path of dwelling on First. People jump into relationships after breakups all the time, so having a boyfriend definitely doesn’t rule out that he’s interested in Sky. In fact, if they are about to break up, he might drag it out a little, until he and Sky are closer. It would certainly make it easier for him to try to charm Sky, especially if he was the one who comforted First after his breakup.

Prapai tries once again to put this out of his mind, knowing that he’s not being reasonable. Even if First does like Sky, which, seriously, how could he not? Even if he does, there’s no chance that Sky would return his feelings, Prapai is at least sure of that. He resolves once again to simply do his best to reassure Sky that he’s the right choice, that he’s the one to take care of him.

One positive from the dinner Prapai missed is that Sky has stopped talking about First so much. He’s switched topics to Lek, who he apparently got along with immediately, which piques Prapai’s interest. They’re texting each other constantly, and having lunch together at school when their schedules coincide. Sky wants all four of them to have dinner together, and apparently, Lek’s very much on board. Prapai agrees to this concept quickly, wanting to meet Lek for a few reasons. First, because Sky is so enamored with him, and it’s made him curious. Possibly a tiny bit jealous, but he’s trying to stay out of that lane. Second, because he wants to see him interact with First, so he can try to discern if they seem like they’re on the rocks.

It takes a little over a week to happen, what with four busy schedules that need lining up, but they do get together eventually. Lek’s effusive, immediately friendly towards Prapai and making sure he’s never excluded from the conversation. When the conversation ends up at architecture, he levels Prapai with a long-suffering look, letting him know they’re in the same boat. Prapai asks about Plerng, and Lek confirms that they have a couple classes together. He gushes about him before Pai even explains that they’re brothers, which just cements his approval of Lek.

The dinner also makes him realize something. That he was seriously, intensely misguided in thinking that First was ever into Sky. First is gazing at Lek nearly the entire night, and Prapai can practically see the stars in his eyes. They’re so sweet together, finishing each other’s stories and jumping in with additional details when necessary. Lek keeps stealing sips of First’s drink, who puts up a token protest, though he seems more charmed by it than anything. It’s nice to watch, and it just makes him more playful towards Sky, who ends up lightly kicking him under the table to remind him that they’re in public. He has an unexpectedly good time, and at the end of the night, they’re already talking about when to meet up next. He and Sky chat on the drive home, and he gets lightly scolded for his slight handsiness at dinner.

Once they’re home, they take turns showering, against Prapai’s protests, which only make Sky laugh at him. He changes into pajamas while Sky’s in the bathroom, consoling himself with the fact that at least he’ll have a nice view before Sky changes. This is cruelly taken from him when Sky exits the bathroom, already dressed in his pajamas. He objects strongly, but is ultimately ignored. He gets over that pretty quickly when Sky crawls into bed with him, kissing him soundly before drawing back. Prapai doesn’t let him go far, curling a hand around the back of his thigh and trying to pull Sky into his lap. Disappointingly, Sky wriggles out of his grasp and smacks his hand away, settling himself about a foot away, facing Pai. This is never good. Generally, it means that Prapai’s in trouble for something, even though Sky would disagree with that notion.

“You’re not in trouble,” Sky preempts him. “That’s not a thing. I just want to talk about something.” Yeah, talk about how he’s in trouble, Prapai thinks sulkily. He doesn’t say that out loud, though, knowing it won’t help his case. Sky’s shifting slightly, seeming unsure of how to start the conversation. “Did you have fun at dinner?” is what eventually comes out of his mouth, though he seems a little taken aback by it.

“Yes?” Prapai says, knowing it shouldn’t be a question. He did have fun. “Lek’s really nice,” he adds on, “and they were so cute together.”

“Good.” Sky relaxes a bit. “Then…you’re not jealous anymore?”

Prapai has to take a moment to absorb the question before he fully understands. Sky knew he was jealous. He knew. So, either Sky’s more perceptive than he accounted for, or Prapai’s just really shit at hiding things. “You knew?” Sky rolls his eyes at that, clearly exasperated.

“P’Pai,” he says, patiently. “Of course I knew. You weren’t exactly subtle about it,” he points out.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured you’d talk to me about it when you were ready,” Sky shrugs. “You know, so you could tell me how you were feeling. And we could talk about it. As a couple.” Prapai winces slightly at that, knowing that he has a bad habit of trying to deal with negative things on his own, not wanting to burden Sky with them. They’ve talked about it in the past, with Sky making it clear that he wants Prapai to open up to him, to share things. He’s getting better about it, for sure, but this is definitely one of those times where he’s regressed a little.

“I’m sorry,” he tells Sky, trying to convey how much he means it. “I guess…I guess I knew it was stupid. I mean, I knew it wasn’t logical, and I didn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t even…talk about your friend? If that makes sense,” he tacks on.

“It makes sense,” Sky agrees. “Or, I can see why you felt that way. But I still want you to tell me what’s going on, even if you think it’s stupid. Besides, you wouldn’t have asked me to stop talking about him,” he finishes, sounding sure of himself.

“Of course not,” Prapai says, emphatic.

“So, you could have told me that you were jealous. And I could have told you that neither of us were interested, and that he had a boyfriend,” Sky replies. It’s an annoyingly good point.

“I’m sorry,” he reiterates, sighing.

“It’s okay,” Sky reassures him. “Just tell me next time, okay?”

“Okay,” Prapai agrees. “Next time.”

#love in the air #prapaisky #prapai lita #sky lita #lita fanfic #prapaisky fanfiction

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submarineseamonsters · 1 year

Text

After a long week of exams and assignments, Rain feels exhausted. Once he exits the classroom, after taking the exam, he feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He can worry about the results another day, but right now, he was just glad to be done.

Sky is sitting outside, waiting. He gets up when he sees Rain, slinging his backpack over his shoulders.

“I don’t think I have any energy to exist today,” Rain complains. Sky nods, agreeing.

“Let’s go to my dorm. I need a nap too.”

Once they get inside Sky’s apartment, Rain seeks the sofa and falls on it, grateful to be laying down on something soft. He hears Sky in the kitchen and moving around, but he slowly falls asleep.

When he wakes up, he’s groggy. He stays on the couch, not wanting to get up.

Rain texts Payu he will come over. Payu is working from home, so Rain lets himself in and stays in the living room. He peeks into Payu’s room. Phayu turns at the sound, looking back at his laptop briefly to turn off the camera. He grins at Rain, motioning for Rain to come over. Rain walks over and sits on Payu’s lap. Payu pecks him on the lips and then scrunches his nose at Rain.

“Cute boy, you’ve come to visit me but I’m busy with work. Give me an hour, I will be done by then.” He kisses Rain again, and presses a kiss to Rain’s cheek.

Rain looks at the computer screen, noticing that Phayu was in a meeting. He looked at the faces of Payu’s coworkers. Rain wants to stay, but he gets up and leaves. He gets a bit bored of waiting so he wants to play a little prank of payu. He wouldn’t film it, but he just wanted to see Payu’s reaction.

He hears payu on a call and walks in the room wearing a short, silk bathrobe w/ nothing else on & rain has pulled it off of one shoulder, exposing his collarbone. However, Phayu just briefly glances at him, raising a finger to his lips. Phayu reaches over to unmute his microphone and speaks. Rain listens to Payu explain something and starts discussing with his colleagues. Realizing that he wouldn’t get Payu’s attention as he had wanted, Rain leaves, closing the door behind him. He goes back to the living room and changes into his regular clothes. Payu texts him asking why he came into the room. Rain responds with “no reason.”

Rain, feeling bored, walks out the sliding doors so he can sit outside.

Payu comes later.

“There you are,” He says, sitting next to Rain. He turns to Rain and gets close, pecking him on the cheek. “Is everything ok?” He asks, looking at the small frown on rains face.

“It’s fine,” Rain says, but its unconvincing. He turns to Phayu, and realizes it. “How was your meeting?”

“Long,” Phayu says, tiredly. Rain looks at his boyfriend's slightly haggard face. Phayu had been stressed more than normal, and he’d been working more. Rain feels worried, wondering why he was so concerned about their relationship, instead of his boyfriend.

“You look exhausted,” Rain says. (this is when they finally see e/o after a long time due to busy schedules). He cups Payu’s face, rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs. “Are you not sleeping well?”

“It’s been ok. I keep waking up early, and I think it might be because I’ve been so busy with work. We had a big issue with one of our clients on a project I was leading, and it’s resolved now, but I keep feeling unease.” He looks at Rain, noticing the worry on his face. “Everything is fine now, baby.” he reassures. “Why don’t you spend the night today? I always sleep better when you’re here.”

“You didn’t tell me it was that bad,” Rain says, feeling kind of hurt that he hadn’t known how bad payu had been feeling.

“Come sit with me,” Phayu says, gently tugging Rain’s hand. Rain obliges, sitting on Phayu’s lap. Phayu kisses Rain’s hand. “Please don’t be upset. It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other. I’m okay. How are you? You looked upset earlier, why?” Rain pouts at Payu’s attempt to change the subject. But he can’t be mad about it. Instead he just leans in, resting his head on payus shoulder.

“I’ve missed you. It feels like the last time I saw you was forever ago.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Phayu runs his hand down Rains back, gently. “Did you eat already?” Phayu asks.

“No, I wanted to eat together with you.” Rain says, and he pulls back.

“Sweet boy.” Phayu says, smiling. He pulls rain in for a kiss. “Is it possible you’ve been sweeter in the time we’ve been apart?” Phayu wonders aloud after they pull apart, their foreheads still touching. He moves in to kiss rain again, his hands travel down the small of rains back before settling on rain’s ass. He squeezes gently.

“Let’s go eat then.” Phayu says. Rain clings to him. “You want me to carry you?”

“Yes P’Phayu.” Rain says, against Phayu’s neck.

They eat and then they sit to watch tv, but phayu falls asleep. Rain works on something he has to submit that day.

They go upstairs to get ready for bed. Phayu goes to shower and rain says he will come. He grabs the clothes he needs from Phayu’s drawers.

“Didnt you shower already?” Phayu asks. “Earlier you came in wearing a bathrobe.” Rain flushes at the memory, remembering how embarrassed he had felt.

“No, I didn't shower.” He admits.

“Why are you turning red? Why did you wear the bathrobe?” Rain ignores the question, moving past him into the bathroom. Phayu follows after. “Rain?”

“Please can we shower? I’m tired, I want to sleep.” Phayu looks at him in thought.

“Fine. You win this time.”

They shower. Phayu steps out of the shower first, wiping himself dry. rain asks phayu to hang him a towel.

“I will if you tell me why you were wearing a bathrobe earlier. What were you doing, while waiting for me?” Phayu voice gets deeper as he speaks. “Rain?”

“I’m cold,” rain says, and so phayu hands him the towel.

They get in bed. Phayu holds rain close.

“You’re still thinking about the bathrobe aren’t you?” Rain asks, looking up at phayu.

“Yes.” Phayu answers, chuckling.

“I’ll tell you. If you laugh at me, I will go home.” Rain says, trying to sound stern. They both know it is an empty threat, but phayu still nods.

“I just wanted to tease you. I wanted to take you by surprise while you were working. Like in those videos where someone films their partner working, and then, films their partners reaction when they get naked in front of them?” Phayu doesn’t laugh.

“You wanted to prank me?” He asks.

“Yes, but you didn’t even look at me.” Rain says, disappointment evident in his voice. His cheeks heat up at the confession. He pulls the blanket cover over his head.

“I’m sorry, darling.” Phayu says, pulling the blanket down. He caresses the side of rains face and kisses rains cheek. “I’m sorry.” He says. “Can I make it up to you?” He asks as he Lowers his lips to rains neck.

“Yes.” Rain says, his voice breathy.

“Where did you put the bathrobe?” Phayu asks. Rains about to ask him to just forget about it but phayu gets off of him. “Now that’s all I can think of. You in the bathrobe. Can you please change into it, rain?”

“Are you teasing me?” Rain asks, but phayu shakes his head.

“I want to have sex with you while you wear the bathrobe, rain.” His voice is deep and his expression i full of lust. Rain takes out the bathrobe from the closet and hops into the bathroom. It’s almost silly to hide himself undressing when he would be naked again.

Phayu is sitting on the bed and he jumps up when rain enters, wearing the bathrobe. Rain is already showing through the thin material. Phayu eyes him up and down with desire. Rain walks to him and phayu slides the bathroom down on one shoulder like rain had done before. Phayu kisses rains shoulder ab moves up to rains mouth. He kisses rain, one hand on his exposed chest, the other on Rains bare ass. He gets rain on the bed, on his back, and gets on top of him.

He kisses and adores Rains body, and by the end, rain doesn’t know why he was worried about their relationship to begin with.

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