#had a lot of family stuff going on the past couple of months that kept me away...

[supes9]

Roy + Johnny + Boot 💛

[elzdaizy]

Trouble After Paradise (Part 1)

Warnings: lots of angst, conflict, explicit language.

Summary of short story: Reader and Harry have returned from their honeymoon to a harsh reality and their first huge hurdle as a married couple.

A/N: This is 1 of 3 parts. Enjoy! Just a little short story idea i had and wanted to share with you all.

It’s been four weeks since you returned home from your honeymoon in Costa Rica and you’ve found yourself reminiscing constantly on that magical holiday.

To say the least, things have took a turn for the worst since you and Harry got home.

You were bombarded with mountains of piles of work to get through because there was no one to fill your position whilst you’d taken the month off leading up to your wedding, including the honeymoon.

Harry had started filming his next movie, one that was mentally draining due to his character being a very unwell mental patient at a psychiatric hospital.

You worked from seven in the morning until four in the afternoon in the office but always brought home some work to do which kept you busy until about eight at night when you’d get into bed.

Weekends were exhausting as well, you were catching up with friends and family after basically being off the grid throughout the week.

Harry’s shooting location, thankfully, was only a few hours away up north in Manchester so he managed to be home often between breaks but unfortunately meant that he wasn’t home with you for periods of times.

He tries his best to be at home with you on the weekends but his schedule doesn’t work that way all the time. On average you probably see each other a total of two days out of the week and it’s been this way the past four weeks.

You’ve both been so busy, you’ve barely had the time to live life together as a married couple. There’s a tension building full of stress and exhaustion on both ends of your marriage. You find yourselves bickering when you’re together and getting on each other’s nerves more than ever before.

You know it’s because you’re equally annoyed with yourselves and each other with the current situation.

It’s 8pm on a Friday night and Harry called you earlier that morning to let you know he’s coming home today at around 6:30pm and will be able to stay the full week until he’s off again. He asked for you to pick him up from the station because he had booked a meal at The Ivy for 8pm. You of course said yes. You were so excited to hear the news, you felt tears well up in your eyes. “I really can’t wait, I miss you so much.” You replied before you both said your goodbyes and I love you’s before hanging up.

What you didn’t know was that working would be busier than ever that Friday and now you’re still in the office trying to hurry up and finish off one last piece of paper work to be sent off to your client before the weekend. Your phone had died two hours ago and Harry hadn’t contacted you before it died so you weren’t too concerned that he would’ve tried to since then.

You could cry out of frustration. You purposely stayed back to get all this extra work done so you could book off Monday and Tuesday to extend your weekend to spend some time with your husband.

Half an hour later, you finally send the email and pack up your stuff. You race to your car and make your way home. The door is unlocked when you go to turn the key and your heart skips a beat when you realise that Harry must be home.

The lights are all off downstairs which is odd so you make your way upstairs to your bedroom to find Harry sat on the edge of the bed in just his underwear and his phone in his hands.

“Hi, baby.” You softly speak up as you walk through the door and put your bag and coat over the chair in the corner of the room.

Harry glances at you over his shoulder briefly without so much as a tiny acknowledgment of your presence before looking back to his phone.

You frown, thinking his behaviour seems a bit off. The energy in the room seems low and you can sense he’s not in a good mood.

You walk over to him, a hand on his shoulder and the other hand reaching to lift his head by tilting his chin in your direction for him to look up at you. As soon as you try to lean forward to place a kiss to his lips he yanks his head away from your touch and rolls his eyes, letting out a huff.

You step back, very offended and extremely hurt by his cold actions.

“Fuck you, then.” You throw your hands up and storm away to head downstairs to the kitchen. You’re literally trying so hard not to break down and cry right now so you’re pacing around your kitchen, breathing heavily for a few moments then deciding to pour yourself a large glass of wine.

You almost down the first glass. The second one being poured less than five minutes later. You’re just stood by your kitchen island with a glass of wine in one hand and thoughts racing around your mind as you try to figure out why your husband seems to despise you at the moment.

You soon realise it could possibly be the fact that your phone was dead and maybe he was trying to get ahold of you.

You start to feel a pit of guilt in your stomach when you take your phone from your pocket and plug it into the charger point next to your toaster.

You finish your second glass of wine once your phone switches on and your eyes widen when you notice the ten missed calls and five unread messages from Harry.

You read the texts carefully one at a time.

From Harry:

6:09pm - l’m fifteen minutes away from the station if you want to set off now. Love you. Xx

6:30pm - Where are you? I’m waiting near the security box until you’re here. Xx

6:53pm - I’ve rung you five times and you’re not answering so I’m making my own way home now.

7:26pm - Why aren’t you answering and why aren’t you at home? You do realise we have to be at The Ivy in half an hour.

8:03pm - cancelled the booking. If you read this before you come home - don’t bother me when you get in, I can’t be arsed with this tonight.

You heart feels like it’s going to stop. You have never felt more terrible in your life. You feel like a punch to the gut is what you deserve right now and nothing less. And to think, you literally just spat in his face and said fuck you to him, still not realising what you’d done.

You were so fixated on wanting to spend the week with Harry that you’d completely forgotten about picking him up and going out for dinner tonight.

You were a little drunk and very upset with yourself so of course the only thing currently you did was start to cry. You sat on a stool at your island, lent your elbows on the countertop, put your face in your hands and sobbed. Sobbed for your husband and how upset he must be feeling. Sobbed at the realisation of how much you hurt him and let him down. You felt like a failure.

After about thirty minutes of letting your feelings flow out of your system uncontrollably, you composed yourself and prepared yourself to go and apologise profusely. You’d gone over what to say in your head a million times and nothing sounded good enough but you know the least he deserves is an apology rather than an explanation or excuse right now.

Your face is puffy and red from the crying as you shakily walk up the stairs to your room and find Harry is now laying under the covers with the tv on, watching a movie with a deep frown on his face. As if he’s in deep thought rather than paying attention to the screen.

You push the door open gently and let yourself in. Basically walking with your tail between your legs, you can barely look at him as you sit on the bottom corner of the bed on your side. You couldn’t be further away from him on the bed if you tried.

“Harry, I’m so sorry.” You croak. Lips quivering as you fight the urge to break down crying again. You finally look at him after your first attempt at the beginning of a long apology. He’s ignoring you. Keeping his eyes fixed on the screen and his arms crossed over his chest.

You decide to keep speaking, “I completely understand why you’re angry and I don’t want to give myself any excuses for-.”

He reaches for the remote and turns up the volume to drown out your voice.

You let out a shaky sigh. A tear slipping down your cheek. “I didn’t ignore you on purpose- look, can you please just say something?” You beg pathetically and Harry’s head turns as his eyes look at you with anger.

“Told you I can’t be fucked with this tonight just leave me alone, please.” He sighs in annoyance before completely turning his back to you as he lays on his side.

You really don’t know what to say now. You didn’t expect this reaction from him. He’s never been this angry with you before and it’s terrifying you slightly because you really can’t cope with it. You don’t even care if he shouts at this point, you just want more of a reaction from him.

He has every right to feel the way he does, you know that. You hate going to sleep on bad terms though. You both agreed to always resolve conflicts before getting into bed because you never wanted to be that couple that gets into fights and makes one or the other sleep on the sofa.

It seems like it’s going to be that way tonight though. You don’t want to say another word because you don’t want to make it worse. Even though you know you won’t get much sleep, you decide to go sleep downstairs on the couch. You could go sleep in the spare room but you need a tv to distract you from your racing thoughts so the living room it is.

You get up from the bed, go take a quick shower and change into your pyjamas before grabbing your pillow from your side of the bed and walking towards the door.

“Goodnight, Harry. I love you.” You say to him softly before closing the door behind yourself and making your way downstairs.

You turn on a shitty reality show to fall asleep too. It takes a few hours but eventually you drift off.

The next morning you’re awoken by the sound of the blender rattling off in the kitchen. You feel at peace for a split second as your groggy memory clears up as your consciousness comes back, along with the awful events of last night. You grimace start yourself as you sit up on the couch and turn around to see Harry standing in the kitchen, making himself a smoothie, dressed in his running gear.

It mustn’t be any later than 6am because he only likes going running at the crack of dawn. He hasn’t noticed that you’re awake yet but you know he’s still fuming by the look on his face.

Now that you’re not intoxicated and knowing it’s a new day, you’re determined to resolve this issue very soon. You don’t want to waste any more of the short time you two have together for the next four days being bitter.

You get up from the couch and stretch before walking over to the kitchen island and taking a seat on the stool you were sobbing on last night.

“Morning.” You say with a tired voice as Harry still hasn’t acknowledged you whilst he’s cleaning up some dishes. You’re both facing each other on opposite sides of the island.

Harry looks up at you frowning and doesn’t reply so you take it as your queue to go in strong with all guns blazing.

“Can we please talk about this now?” You plead. Harry just deadpans and looks at you with a look that tells you no as he picks up his AirPods and puts them in as he makes his way to the door to go on his run.

“What the actual fuck! This is an actual fucking nightmare.” You frustratingly shout to no one but yourself after Harry closes the door on his way out.

[abbysbunny]

LIFEGUARD!ABBY X READER

warnings: a wee bit of cursing, bad writing

notes: mhhh I love life guard abby sm(⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

it was a hot July afternoon when you and your family decided to drive to the local pool, you laid in a lawn chair as the sun warmed your skin, you had been going to this pool almost every day to cool off for the past month, the food never changed, the lifeguards never changed, nothing ever changed here and that's what you liked about it. but today you noticed someone different in the place of another life guard

you glanced over at her to find her already looking at you, she sat in her chair with swim shorts and a bikini bra, she leaned back and kept her gaze on you before waiving at you. your eyes slightly widened and you cleared your throat, you waved back and gave her an awkward smile, she smirked and looked back at the pool

the next twenty minutes was full of glances and small smiles, finally you decided to get into the pool to cool off . you took of your shirt and dipped your feet and ankles into the cold water, you sat by the edge of the pool with your cavs in the water for a couple minutes, waiting for your body to adjust to the temperature

you slowly sinked into the water till it arrived to your chest, you looked at the mysterious life guard now meters away from you, you squinted your eyes and saw her name tag, her name was 'abby' . you walked over to her chair and cocked your head to the side, she noticed your presence and chuckled, 'why do you keep staring at me' your question caught her by surprise, she tapped her finger on the arm of the chair and thought for a second what to say

'because i think you're pretty' she blurred out, her answer was straight forward making you raise your eyebrows, 'thank you, you're not too bad yourself' you chuckled at your own joke . she snickered and leaned back in her chair, 'whats your name pretty?' the nickname made you stiffen up a bit, you told her your name and she nodded . 'pretty name for a pretty girl' her comment made your body feel hot, 'i could say the same for you' you put your hand on your hips

'could I have your number' you bluntly asked, she nodded her head and pulled out her phone, you exchanged numbers and talked for the rest of your time there . you learned a lot about her, why she chose this job, her hobbies, her family and other stuff, no one was really there at the time so it was almost just you two . you heard your family call your name as they packed up they're bags, 'oh shit I gotta go' you climbed up the short pool later, she waved at you as you walked back to you chair, you waved back at her and yelled a loud 'bye' at her, your loud voice made her laugh and pinck the bridge of her nose

by the end of her shift she couldn't stop thinking about the pretty, loud and upfront girl she had met hours ago

[midnight-mourning]

I'm back! (for the most part)

Hello, hope everyone is doing alright, needed a few more days than I expected. BUT, here now and slowly working on being more active. May take me a bit but plan to get caught up with everything and the likes. Going to release promptobers throughout the next couple of days, along with anything else I'm currently working on. Expect some updates on the oneshot, ch. 35 and so on as well ^-^ Thank you all for your paitence and hope to be back to regularly posting soon!

some medical/mental stuff below the cut if you're curious, I was going to save this for the ch. 35 note, but figured I might as well just say it now as it's part of the reason my return was delayed

SO, haven't really spoken on it but I've had a sinus infection for about two months now and gonna be so fr with you all, it's sucked. Like, i've never had one this bad before and it just totally knocked me on my ass. I've been tired, dazed/brain fog, some bad headaches/face pain, all the really fun stuff. I made the joke that I spent like two days of being 23 healthy and the rest of the time I've been sick lmao

But anyway, I kept waiting to see if it would clear up on it's own (and for like a week or so there my health insurance was messed up so there was that to deal with) and it just, didn't. And with everything going on with research (esp this past week) I just made myself tough through it hoping it would get better, and it didn't. So, finally went to the doctor and got on some meds and I'm feeling a LOT better.

The point to all this is to say, I've had no motivation to write beyond very small bursts and thus why I've been putting out promptobers but not the latest chapter of CS. My energy has just been super low, and I had a lot of brain fog for several weeks and I just, couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe it was a little bit of writer's block from stress too, not super sure

I took the break mainly bc things with research just got, really shitty for a few days there and I just needed time away from everything for bit esp with the sickness issues. Thankfully, things are working out a bit better this week people-wise and hopefully we'll continue to go up from here.

As for why I was gone the few extra days, the stuff they put me on made me feel physically great, but it also made me feel like doing absolutely nothing for a day or so. But, figured out the timing for those so now it's manageable to get through the next week and hopefully I'll be fully back to normal by then ^_^

TL;DR if you can go to the doctor when you're sick, go. It is NOT worth the discomfort, stress, etc to not. Also, take a break when you're stressed, does wonders for your mental health

well, since you took the time to read all of this, enjoy these pictures of a cat that showed up at my parents place a few days ago. She’s a bengal! Which makes her the second stray that's shown up that is incredibly rare/bred to look like that (the first is Nubs, my idiot who eats everything if any of you recall). Not to worry, she went home to (hopefully) her forever family early yesterday :)

[twig-tea]

Love Senior: Final Thoughts

I've been putting off making a post about this because I don't like trashing things that are small efforts and especially not GL because we don't get enough of it to begin with. But I was enjoying Love Senior through episode 7. The leads were lovely, they had chemistry, their characters were both interesting, and one of them had casual sex with someone else before they got together and it was fine! They even talked about it! And they were thirsty! I love it when women get to have sexual desire in shows.

After episodes 8-9, the narrative took a serious turn and I broke and wrote a content warning post because of how gross the turn in the plot was. With one episode left, I watched to see whether it would undo any of the damage it had done, but instead it doubled down on awfulness.

The last episode is truly a smorgasbord of some of my least favourite tropes all rolled up into one miserable finale, and makes the show truly unwatchable even though it delivers a "happy ending". It didn't make sense, it wasn't good characterization, it served nothing but unnecessary angst, and it meant we didn't even get satisfying reconciliation or dealing with the issues laid out in 8-9. After this ending, I was extremely unconvinced these two would last, or that they should.

I know this isn't the worst there is in the world of QL. I've watched a lot of stuff. I used to just stay quiet if I didn't like something, but honestly, I want folks looking for info about this show to know what to expect, and I also want folks creating content to know that audiences expect better these days. I don't want people to think GL flops because nobody wants to watch it. We're so desperate for good, or even half-decent content (the viewing numbers for GAP should have made that obvious)! But things need to hold together at least somewhat, and this very much did not.

Most of the cast in this show is in a girl group together, so you can support them, continue past the cut if you want details on what makes this finale suck (I've kept it vague but obviously there will be spoilers), and I hope this is taken as it's intended--to help inform the watching decisions of us who love GL and want more of it, and to give information to those making it.

[I'm just going to note also that this show was by StarHunter Entertainment which is not known for its queer rep or good treatment of its people, so I don't feel like I owe this production company any loyalty].

Details about the last episode under the cut.

In episode 10, the following happens:

we get told the SA that I warned about in my 8-9 post was just staged for the purposes of blackmail/breaking up the leads

[the show doesn't acknowledge that the characters were still left in a position that they could have still been sexually assaulted, and that they were put in that position by someone they trusted]

Someone gets hit by a car

One of the leads falls into a coma, and on waking, gets amnesia

Her friends and family conspire to lie to her, not just erasing her girlfriend from their picture of her life, but saying that one of her other friends who has a crush on her is her boyfriend. They all go along with this lie for months

On finding out that her girlfriend had been told that she's actually dating some other guy, her girlfriend decides to noble idiocy and disappear from her life

More time passes, and they see one another at the amnesia girl's graduation, and hug for a happy ending.

THE END.

No conversation. No reconciliation beyond acknowledgment that they still have feelings. No mention of their breakup before the coma. Nothing that convinces me this couple will actually last at all, or reason (in the form of character growth, or narrative purpose) for why they've gone through this. Nothing about the main character being lied to by all of her friends and family for months. This ending says 'everything is fine as long as the two people you want to be in a relationship are in a relationship at the end of the story', and that doesn't fly with me.

[imaginealotofthings]

Imagine you find out Chibs is seen with another woman.

"Y/N, they were together."

"We saw them"

"He's moved on!"

.. The old ladies & croweaters- the ones you considered friends, even maybe family now; kept telling you Chibs had moved on. You and Chibs weren't officially a couple, so you had to act like you didn't give a shit, but in reality - you fell in love with the man the first time he spoke to you.

Were they just trying to hurt you? Protect you? Who knew.

All you knew was that it hurt like hell! You had fallen so hard for Filip Telford over the past few months since moving to Charming - you really thought he was the one but you knew everything was too good to be true.

You sat at the bar with the girls in the clubhouse - they told you how much of a piece of shit Chibs was and that I deserved SOO MUCH better... The boys sat in a huddle, keeping out of the way - which seemed out of character for them.

You kept drinking...and drinking. I nodded along but didn't agree with a word they said. To be fair, I never thought Chibs would do this to me but he definitely wasn't a piece of shit & I definitely didn't deserve better. You didn't want better. You wanted him. You want Chibs.

You drank a lot by this point. "Thanks girls, I'm just gonna go out for a smoke."

"But Y/N, you don't smoke." one of them spoke over the others.

"I do now!" grabbing the packet of cigarettes and lighter you head outside.

Leaning against the wall, you lit the cigarette. This was the first one you'd had since quitting 5 years ago. You were ashamed, but you smoked as if it was going to cure everything. Blowing out the cloud of smoke a hand appeared yanking the cigarette from your grip.

"What the fuck are you doing lass?" Chibs face concerned.

"Hey, give me that..." you stumbled. "You don't get to take stuff off of me, like that bitch whore has..."

"What are ya talking about Y/N?" Chibs more confused than concerned now.

"That woman you've been seen with all over town, the girls have already told me, so save it Chibs. I hope she was worth it." Chibs scratched his brow with frustration and realising what was happening.

By this point the girls and the rest of the Sons had come out to see what was going down. A few of the boys took the girls back inside to talk.

"Y/N, the woman is no bitch whore. I can assure you! It was your sister."

You stare at him, tears leaving your eyes. You waited for more answers.

"I asked your sister, Y/S/N into town for lunch - I wanted to ask for her blessing on behalf of your family. I wanted to seek approval to ask for your hand in marriage.... Goddammit." he began to get angry.

You began to sob, so hard shoving your face into your hands.

"I can't understand why you'd believe them, Y/N. I can't believe you think I'd do that to you! And smoking again after how hard you worked to quit. This has to be a fucking joke." Punching the wall, he storms off out of the Teller Morrow lot.

You fell to the floor in tears. Juice and Tig sat down to comfort you.

"Hey man, you can't blame her you know what them crow eaters are like, they'll do anything to keep us boys from serious relationships. It'll all be fine man." Jax says before patting Chibs on the back.

"Just the thought of losing her kills me, Jackie Boy." He looked at Chibs with an empathetic look. "I'm in love with her."

A smirk appeared on Jax's face. "Stop fucking about and go get her, she's in love with you man."

Chibs wipes his face and bounds up to wear Y/N sat on the floor in her drunken state.

He reached down and lifted you up. "Y/N, come on. Lets go." You nodded. He swept you up and put you over his shoulder. Taking you to his room and laying you on the bed.

"Asif you got this drunk with worry - I can't believe you think I'd leave someone as amazing as you.

I'm going to kiss the worries away.. all over your body. Ok lass?"

"Okay Chibby.."

"And then tomorrow, I'm gonna ask you to be my wife..."

Credit to gif/image owners

[drpeppertummy]

helllooo soooo here's writing prompt ? Or drawing ?? Both?? :0

How about someone who has had just the most godawful week of their life finally getting to come home and relax, cooking themself a big portion of their favourite meal + dessert + a nice drink, snuggled up on the couch in a blanket nest, cradling their comfortably full belly and slowly nodding off 💖💖

this wound up being kind of a loose interpretation of the prompt since its more than just a week & hes Been home but heres leon circa like 10 years ago, freshly divorced & top surgeried (ill probably do another one later with a different character that more closely follows what u asked for, i have a couple in mind)

[mild hunger & stuffing after a whole lot of setup, mentions of medical stuff & abuse]

"Oh, yeah, I have, uh, f-friends, um, family…"

Leon had lied to the nurses when they'd asked if he had anybody to take care of him after the procedure. He'd known he was lucky to be there at all; he hadn't wanted to say anything to jeopardize his chance at really going through with it.

Now, it was over and done with, and he was regretting the lie, not that he thought telling the truth would have made much of a difference. He'd been spending one of the more uncomfortable months of his life utterly alone--mercifully alone, some might say, considering the man he'd just broken away from not even a year prior--and the recovery wasn't easy. He could barely lift his arms. Moving anything around, including himself, was an ordeal, and he couldn't lift much. He'd tried to prepare his home for his impaired self beforehand, but, of course, there were countless little things he hadn't thought of which made miserable little chores when all he wanted to do was rest.

Still, Leon was thankful. His emotions were a wild flurry--loneliness, guilt, fear, regret, about a dozen layers of grief--but he was thankful. He was free, both from his wicked ex-husband and from his body. He'd been worried at first, looking in the mirror and seeing how much his belly stuck out with nothing to tent the shirt over it, but now, after adjusting for a few weeks, the sight of his flat chest filled him with a boyish giddiness. A skittish feeling kept sneaking up on him, as though Bill might suddenly appear out of nowhere and begin shouting and tossing him about in his vulnerable state, but it wasn't as bad as it had been at first. One might even say that, albeit very slowly, Leon was getting better.

The first month after the procedure had been excruciating. His chest had felt like it was burning and boiling and everything in between, the drains had been miserable, sleep had been uncomfortable and elusive, and he'd had next to no appetite, his tummy still precarious from both the surgery and the medications. The whirlwind of strange feelings about his recent divorce hadn't exactly helped, either. Now, though, after a little over a month of healing, he was finally beginning to come back to himself. The pain was subsiding, he was slowly regaining some mobility, and his energy and appetite were returning. His mental state still left a lot to be desired, but he was getting used to being alone, and, despite his lingering anxiety, he was finally beginning to feel… almost safe.

Today, Leon woke up from the first truly restful sleep he'd had all week. He woke up feeling cozy and warm and comfortable, and miraculously well-rested. The room was painted with a pleasant bluish hue, the sun outside obscured by rainy clouds, and it was soft and pretty and easy on his sleepy eyes. He spent some time laying in bed, enjoying the cozy feeling and listening to the soothing sound of rain pattering against the window. Then, for the first time since fasting for the procedure, his belly rumbled, and he felt hungry.

He remained in bed for a few minutes longer, but his empty stomach was persuasive, and, finally, he cautiously pushed himself up. Without much of an appetite, he'd been living mostly on random little snacks for the past month, but right now, he was craving real food. He contemplated ordering out--it was nearly noon, not too early for a pizza delivery--but then he reconsidered. Maybe it was the fact that he'd been doing next to nothing for the past month and needed a change of pace, maybe it was the desire to do something simply for himself for once, but Leon decided to take himself into the kitchen and cook.

Not wanting to push himself too much--and limited by his lack of fresh groceries--he decided to keep it simple and made fried eggs, toast, and, after discovering a still-good potato in the basket, a baked potato. His appetite grew stronger as he cooked, the smell of the sizzling eggs making his mouth water, and by the time he sat down with the first hot meal he'd had in ages, his belly was almost aching with hunger. It was also the first time in ages that he'd sat down at the little round kitchen table, having spent much of the past month either in bed or on the couch, and it felt oddly rejuvenating, like admiring one's room after a long-needed spring cleaning.

The first bite of egg was divine, as was the second, and the third. Leon's rumbly belly eagerly welcomed the hot food, as did his deprived taste buds. Maybe it was just how hungry he was, or the fact that he hadn't eaten much of anything in weeks, but it was one of the best meals he could recall ever having eaten in his life. The fluffy toast dipped in the savory yolk, the comforting bulkiness of the hot, buttery potato, the perfectly crispy edges of the eggs. Everything was perfect, and the fact that he made it gave him a much-needed sense of accomplishment on top of it all.

The eggs and toast alone would have been plenty for Leon's still-recovering stomach, but the potato brought him from nicely full to pleasantly stuffed. The last few bites were difficult to find space for, but he cleaned his plate, and his belly felt taut and warm and comfortably snug. He leaned back in the chair and rested there for a moment, hands sitting atop his rounded tummy. Bill's voice crept into his brain for a moment, offering his two cents about how much Leon had just eaten, but he quickly pushed the thought away. He felt good right now, and for once in his life, he wasn't going to let anybody knock him down.

The idea of getting up wasn't particularly enticing, but eventually, Leon nudged himself out of the chair. He gave the dishes a quick wash, taking care not to strain himself, then retreated to the couch. His full belly poking out in front of him briefly reminded him of pregnancy, and he pushed that thought away too. Awkwardly and carefully, he sat himself down on the couch, leaning back into the pile of pillows he'd set up to rest against. It took a moment to adjust himself into a comfortable position, but he finally found it, and he pulled his worn old quilt up to his chest with a sigh. His belly gurgled softly, and a little burp escaped him. The rain was still pattering pleasantly against the windows. He yawned and snuggled into his pillow-and-blanket nest, resting his hands on his full tummy. Having done enough moving around for the time being, now feeling full and cozy, Leon closed his eyes and drifted off into another restful sleep.

[xojennyboo]

A/N: Here’s a little something I wrote out of the blue. Thank you always for reading my stuff. Please like, comment, reblog, and send in suggestions! Happy reading.

Church can be the most beautiful and holiest place on earth, or it can be the most sinful place on earth. I’ve grown up in the church, both my parents being religious but unfortunately, with both of my parents being the priests of the town church, means more responsibilities for me. According to my mother, I have to be an "example" to the girls growing up with the church. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing my participation at the church. I enjoy planning weekly activities for the children. Although these are great things, the church doesn’t define me. I have fun with people who I’ve grown up with all of my life. We go out and party, some do drugs and drink. I think I can say that I have managed to balance the church life and my personal life.

For the past month, there has been talk about the Styles family coming back into town. I remember that they left after high school graduation, along with their son Harry. Harry was always getting into trouble, always skipping Sunday service and partying. Harry and I had our history. In school, he would always flirt with me. It was very surprising that he had the balls to flirt with the priests’ daughter. One thing led to another and soon we had created a beautiful relationship kept from the eyes of others. We had a secret hiding spot in the woods and that’s where I had lost my virginity to him.That was another bad thing on the list of being the priests’ daughter, only daughter. The boys in school were always afraid to talk to me or flirt with me. This caused me to be some sort of a loner, besides my best friend Alice. She has always been there for me and understood my bittersweet relationship with the church. Her parents are very close to my parents, kind of like best friends you can say. Alice and I grew up together and went to school together. She’s basically the sister I never had. Now we’re both 26 and dedicate most of our time to the church.

Today is Sunday, which means an early morning and an overall busy day. I got up and took a shower, getting up at 6:30am in order to take my time to get ready. For my outfit I decided on wearing a black skirt that went down a little below my knees and flowed nicely. The skirt had a flower pattern all around it, the flowers a beige color. I decided on wearing a long sleeve beige shirt to compliment the flowers on the skirt. After I finished doing my hair and makeup, I look at the time, 9 am. Church doesn’t start for another hour, but you still had to get ready for today’s service. I put on my beige heels and made my way towards the kitchen. I was expecting to see my parents down here, but they probably already made their way to the church. Weird. I grabbed my purse and went to my car. The church was only a 10-minute drive from our house. Once I arrived at church, I saw two cars in the lot, one being my parent’s. The other I did not recognize. I parked my car and made my way into the church. The church is huge, beautiful in every square inch. My favorite part was the stained glass adorning the building. I made my way down the aisle, seeing my mom and dad talking to a couple and a third gentleman. As I got closer to them, my heels making an echo sound as I walked, I recognized the couple. I stopped in my tracks as everyone stopped their conversation and looked at me. The Styles family.

“Good morning sweetheart. Sorry that we didn’t wake you, we had special guests to attend and welcome back”, my mother said motioning back to the familiar family in front of me. Harry’s mother spoke first. "Y/n look at you so grown up! Gosh you look more and more like your mother each day!”, she says pulling me into a hug. I hugged her back, glad that the rumors were true. Mr. Styles also greets me and pulls me into hug. “And you remember our son Harry, right?”, he asks. “'Yeah, I do”, I say giving Harry a wave instead of a hug. I couldn’t’t help but feel my heart rate speed up as I look at him. He looked completely different but the similar at the same time. He literally took my breath away at how handsome he got. He was taller than I remember, he had built muscles, grew facial hair, and his curly hair wasn’t as curly as before, more like a natural wave to it. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him as they all mingled with one another. Thankfully he was paying more attention to my parents than at me. You slowly walked away and made your way to the back of the church and into your office. You loved the fact that you didn’t have to share one with your parents. You placed your bag on your desk and turned your computer on looking through the schedule for the day. You really didn’t have a lot planned for yourself just a little coloring activity with the kids.

Since the kids who attended the church were majority minors, your job was to keep them busy and entertained while the parents listened to the sermon. Sometimes Alice would help you with the kids but unfortunately, she is out of town with her parents this week. There was a slight knock on the door interrupting your train of thoughts. “Come in’, you say, and the door opens revealing Harry on the other side. “hey”, he says, coming in and closing the door behind him. Act normal y/n you cannot react to him. “Hey”, you say back giving him a smile.”I apologize for not saying anything earlier, I didn’t know what to say considering all the time that has gone by,”he says. “It’s alright. I felt the same way,” you say to him, silence overtaking the room. “You look great y/n “, he says. You smiled shyly, your cheeks turning pink at his compliment. “Thank you. You look great as well Harry”, you say, turning your attention back to the computer screen that was in front of you. “I see you still react the same way towards me y/n” he says, his voice lower causing your legs to squeeze together. You heard him chuckle beneath his breath before making his way towards you standing right behind you. “What are you working on”, he asks looking at the computer screen. “My schedule", you whispered, not liking the effect that he continues to have on you after all these years. "Coloring with the kids?” he says. I just nod not trusting my voice at the moment. “Mind if I help?” he asks you. “You’re attending todays service?" you turn around in your chair facing him, closer than what you would like. He gives you a smirk right before placing both of his hands on either side of your chair and leaning down closer to your face. He’s now face to face with you, eyes looking into yours and then down to your lips. Your chest rising and falling at a quicker pace than you would like, your breathing picking up at the close proximity.

“Hmmm?” he hums as he closes his eyes and inhales, taking in the aroma of your floral perfume. He smirks before opening his eyes. “Y-yes”, you whisper to him. He smiles, looking at your lips one last time, before pulling away completely and making his way to the other side of your desk. As if on cue, the door to your office opens, your parents coming in. “Honey, service will begin soon. Ready to take the kids to the other room?”, my father asks. “Yeah, actually Harry is going to help me today since Alice isn’t here", I say to my father. "Perfect. Make sure you make Harry feel welcomed especially since his family will be part of the church.”he says. “Of course, don’t worry about it”. I say smiling and getting up from my desk. I adjust my skirt and start making my way to the alter. Harry is right behind me, his footsteps echoing along with my heels. “All you have to do is greet the parents as they come to the front and take the kids, forming a line next to you”. I say to Harry who is listening attentively to my instructions. That’s exactly what we did. Soon we had two lines of children, a total of 20 kids. We made our way to the back of the church and into the cafeteria area since it was the only room in the church that can fit these many kids. “Good morning kids! How’s everyone doing today?" I say to the kids. The kids all together say good morning to me. “We have A special guest today who will be helping me with you little angels. Please welcome Harry Styles “, I say to the kids. Harry says hi to them waving. An explosion of greetings filled the room causing Harry to smile. “We're going to take it easy today. We’re going to start by coloring in your workbooks and then make our way to eating some snacks. Sounds okay?”. I ask the children. They say yes and I tell Harry to help me hand out the workbooks to each child along with the crayons. Once the children are talking and occupying themselves, me and Harry sit towards the back of the cafeteria, allowing the kids to have their space.

“You’re great with them. It looks like they truly trust and love you”, Harry says fiddling with the thick rings adorning his fingers. His demeanors different than what it was in the office. “I love keeping them company. I’ve seen many children grow up in front of my eyes. I want them to feel safe around me. I want them to trust me with whatever they may need. Especially when it comes to them wanting to talk to someone", you say, watching the kids color in their books. “How long have you been doing this for?”, he asks. “For about 5 years now. I enjoy it really. Gives me a small hope that I may have some positive impact on these kids.” I stayed quiet for a bit until I start laughing at some of the kids who start arguing. These kids were good kids and they always had small banter here and there, but nothing ever too serious. Once an hour had passed it was time for snack time handing out the snacks to the kids. Once they ate their snacks, Harry and I took them to the playground that was at the back of the church outside. It’s a beautiful day out today. I watch the kids interact with one another as I make my way to the swings. Harry just follows. I sit on the swing and soon I feel Harry behind me, my hands on each of the chains besides me. I feel the swing move as Harry slightly pushes me. “Harry, what are you trying to do?”, I ask him, stopping the movements of the swing. He sighs, not saying anything as he sits next to me on the empty swing. I roll my eyes, frustrated by his lack of words, before getting up and strolling along the playground watching that the kids were being careful. After half an hour not saying anything to one another, we gathered the kids to go back inside. The sermon should he over by now. We both take the kids back to the main room, taking each kid to their parents.

Everyone leaves, giving me the chance to escape. I grabbed my belongings and made my way to the car, driving to the nearby coffee shop. I haven’t eaten breakfast, and I was starving. I ordered a muffin and a white chocolate mocha latte. I loved coming to this café, since it always gave me a feeling that I was at home. I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened today in your office. The feeling he gave you felt exactly like how it was in high school. It infuriated me that he was still able to make you feel that way. I had a crush on him back then, but I always thought that it was because he was the only one giving me attention. What game is he trying to play? Why did you feel the way you did? Why did you want his lips to press to yours? I finished my breakfast and made my way back home. My mom and dad weren’t there yet assuming that they were still at the church. I went to my room and started planning next week's schedule. After, I did my bible study since I didn’t attend the sermon. Once I was finished, I looked at the clock to see that it was already dinner time. Your parents still weren’t home. You texted your mother asking where they were. According to her, they were spending time with the Styles and were going to have dinner. Great, another lonely night. I got off my bed and made my way to the living room, turning on the TV to watch Netflix.

I was halfway done with the episode when the doorbell rang. Who could it be at this hour? I opened the door to see Harry standing there with a box of pizza in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. “Care to have dinner with an old friend?" he asks. “Depends, are you planning on acting childish and continue not to talk to me?”, I ask. “I won’t be children, I promise", he says. I open the door and allow him to come in. “Looks exactly the same since the last time I saw it “, he states looking around the house. “Yeah, nothings really changed", I say, taking out plates for us to eat. He opens the box of pizza, and he gives me a slice before placing one on his plate. He then opens up the bottle of wine and pours some in the glasses that he pulled out from the cabinets. We eat in silence for a bit, my favorite show playing in the background. “Feels like old times yeah?” he says. I just nod my head, my mouth full of pizza. Once we were done eating, we made our way to the living room and watched TV. It was nice but I still couldn’t stop thinking about our encounter in my office. “I apologize for my behavior earlier today. I was out of line. I just... Seeing you again bought so many memories from how we were before I left”, he says, looking straight at the TV. “I don’t even know if you have a boyfriend or not and I just acted on impulse,” he says. “No boyfriend that you have to worry about”, I tell him. The mood in the room slowly takes a huge turn after my confession. It’s the same feeling like in the office. There was built up tension. We continue to stay silent, but this time it was a comfortable silence.

Harry stayed with me until my parents came home. It was very nice to catch up with him after all of these years. He attended university and graduated with a degree in English. Most of the time he dedicated time to his family and tried to change for them and for himself. He mentioned that he had gotten into trouble after moving which made him want to change. He said that he turned to church for guidance but that he wasn’t super religious like our parents. He was glad to be back in his hometown. I was super happy for him. The next couple of months were a blur with the holidays coming up. Me and Harry became super close, as friends, and we were having the best time planning holiday activities for the kids. Everything was running smoothly. I was currently in my office putting our plans in my calendar in my computer. “Hey y/n, the shipment for the holiday decorations is here. Where do you want me to put them?”, Harry asked carrying two big boxes in his arms. "Cafeteria please”, I instruct. Soon he came back into my office. Today, it was just us two in here, both of our parents going out to dinner. “So, what do you have planned for the evening?", he asks me as he sits in front of my desk. “I’m not sure. Probably just grab some takeout and go home. What about you?” I ask him, focusing my attention on him now. “Have dinner with me tonight", he says to me catching me completely off guard. “Once you’re finished, we can go. Just let me know”, he gets up from the chair and leaved my office. Why does he always do that?! He always says some demanding or cheeky comment, leaving me speechless and flustered. I take deep breaths and gather my thoughts and emotions before grabbing my belongings and exiting the door. I walk towards the alter where I see Harry knelt down finishing his prayer. I don’t know why but seeing him do that does something to me. Makes me think about very sinful thoughts here at church! I cleared my throat once he was done praying, his attention now focused on me. “Ready to go?”, he asks me. “Yes”, I say. “Alright let’s go”, he grabs my hand causing a spark run throughout my whole body. We walk hand in hand out of the church and into his car. “Where are we going?”, I ask looking out the window at the scenery. “You’ll see when we get there”, he says. The rest of the car ride was silent. Soon, I started recognizing the scenery in front of me. Are we headed to where I think we’re headed?

I start noticing the familiar trail leading to the woods, coming closer to the cabin. Our cabin from years ago. When we were in high school, Harry and I would come here after school almost every day. There, he would he completely different than how he acted around school. He was the bad boy in high school, but here, he would act like he has been acting now. Vulnerable. My heart rate started to increase as I saw the cabin fixed up, nothing to how it looked years ago. Harry parked the car and came around to open the car door for me. I was too stunned to speak. All I did was walk around the cabin, inspecting it to make sure it was the same one. “It didn’t look like this before”, I say walking back towards him, a smile plastered on his face. “Do you like it?”, he asks. “I love it, did you fix it?”, I ask him in disbelief, his answer just a small nod. “When did you do this? How?”, I had so many questions. “This is the first thing I wanted to do when I came back. This was our happy place when we were younger. When I visited it the first morning here, I was devastated when I saw that it was going into ruin. So, I looked for people who could do the work and we fixed it up. Although I did add extra things that weren’t there before”. He explains. He walks to the front door and motions for me to go in and I do just that. Inside, there was a small kitchen area, dining area, and a bed by the window. It wasn’t a huge cabin, but it was spacious. “I can’t believe you did all of this”, I tell him looking around. “Maybe we can continue to use it again like we did before. Create our happy place again”, he says coming closer to me. We're standing face to face now, his hands on my waist. “Do you remember the night we spent here?”, he asks me. How could I forget. I lost my virginity to him here. I was scared that night. I had told my parents that I was staying over at Alice’s house but instead me and Harry met up here. He had gotten us takeout, and we talked for hours and before you know it, one thing led to another, and we slept together. Although we were young, I knew that I wanted him to take it.

“When I left, I feared you would forget everything we did. That you would be mad at me for leaving and would regret everything", he confessed. “I would never regret what we did Harry. I understood why you needed to leave. What truly hurt more was the fact that you didn’t attempt to contact me at all”, I say, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. “I know Y/N, but I needed to get my, shit together. I needed to change for you”, he says to me. “Why for me?”, I ask, the tears falling from my my eyes and down my face. “You know why”, he says before leaning down and attaching his lips to mine. His hands are holding my face, his fingers wiping away my tears as his lips are dancing with mine. Without breaking our kiss, he grabs my purse and places it on the table by us. His hands are placed on my back, pulling me closer to him. My hands are around his neck playing with his chocolate curls. Memories from that night replaying in my head as the kiss intensifies. Harry walks backwards as he sits on the bed, bringing me with him as I straddle his waist. He positions himself leaning against the wall by the window. He breaks the kiss and reaches towards the switch by his head. I scrunch my eyebrows in confusing. He flicks the light switch and soon the cabin is lit up by small fairy lights. I gasp as I look outside noticing that the trees surrounding the cabin are also lit up all around in white lights. "Harry!", I say in excitement. All he does is let out a chuckle as he brings his lips against mine again. This time the kiss is more intense. We're pulling each other closer, our want for one another consuming us. “Do you trust me?”, he says against my lips.” Always”, I answer against his lips. He removed my cardigan slowly, my arms exposed. He kisses up my arm and removes my shirt. He admired my breasts as he starts placing kisses on my neck and chest. I grab the hem of his shirt and removed it exposing his upper body that is now filled with many tattoos. I gasp, my hands reaching down to the butterfly tattoo on his abdomen. “Do you like them?” he asks looking at my movements and reaction intensely. “Yeah”, I whispered to him, placing small kisses on his exposed chest. He smirks and pushes me down to the mattress, positioning himself on top of me, continuing his assault on my neck and chest. “You don’t even want to know the many nights that I have thought about having you like this”, he whispers in my ear, my fingers exploring his bare back. His fingers make their way to my back and unclasps my bra, revealing my breasts. He lets out a small groan admiring my naked upper body before taking one of my nipples into his mouth. My body instantly reacts to every move he makes, his soft lips around my nipple causing a whine to come out of my lips. His hand reaches over to my skirt lifting it up before he places his fingers on my closed pussy. I moan as his fingers start rubbing small circles on my clit. His fingers moving up and down my slit his fingers circling around my wet hole, causing my back to arch. His tongue flicking my nipple at same pace as his fingers rub me.

I couldn’t help but moan his name at the pleasure he was giving me. He removes his mouth from my nipple, before taking his fingers into his mouth, tasting my wetness. He lets out a low moan causing you to let out a small moan as well. "Delicious", he says as he unzips your skirt and removed it, taking your panties off as well. Without being told, he removes the rest of his clothing as well. My eyes are now distracted on his penis, his size definitely bigger than before. You heard Harry chuckle as he placed his head between your legs. “Enjoying the view?”, he asks. Before I could answer Harry attaches his mouth onto your wet pussy, my back arching at the feeling of his tongue flicking on your clit at a fast pace. He changed from flicking to sucking on your clit, your body always giving him the reaction that he wanted. The noice of his mouth devouring you filled the cabin walls, your moans coming out in soft whimpers. Your hips soon started moving against his lips, Harry moving his head in the same direction as your hips, allowing you to ride his face this way. You felt your orgasm approaching, your small whimpers becoming needy moans for release. Harry wrapped his arms under your pelvis and held your hips down as his tongue licked you completely. His tongue gathering your wetness to cover his tongue. Before you know it, you were moaning Harry's name repeatedly as your legs trembled around his head, your orgasm taking over your body as Harry continued to lick you clean.

Once you relaxed from your orgasm, Harry positioned himself at your entrance.”before I do this, I have to ask a question,” he says. You motioned for him to continue." Have you slept with anyone else? Don’t get offended, I just want to know so I know how I can be with you.”, his question catching you off guard. It wasn’t the fact that you didn’t want to sleep with someone else. You just didn’t like the idea of sleeping with random people. The boys in school were too scared to talk to you and if they did, they didn’t make you comfortable. “No”, you shyly respond. “You’re kidding right?”, he asks making his reaction towards your answer nerve-racking. “no one else has touched you besides me?”, he asks in disbelief. You simply nodded. “Jesus Christ woman. You’re driving me crazy. This might hurt a bit then”, he warns you before slowly entering you. The intrusion causing a stinging sensation for a few. Both of you moaned against each other's lips as Harry held still enjoying the light grip your pussy had on his dick. Once the stinging sensation disappeared, you told Harry to move. He slowly thrusted out and then in, your eyes rolling back at the pleasure you were receiving. Your nails dug onto his back as his thrusts started to pick up at a faster pace. His hands were wrapped around your thighs, his head in the crook of your neck as his thrust were getting deeper into you. The noise of slapping skin mixed with both of your moans caused you to feel wanted and worshipped. Harry’s moans against your ear caused tingles around your body, your second orgasm soon approaching. The bed squeaked to the movements of Harry’s thrusts. His thrusts were so deep that you thought you can feel him in your stomach. “Oh my God you feel amazing my love”, he pants against your skin. His words causing you to pant louder, your moans coming out as your orgasm was starting to take over your body. “That’s it baby, come for me,” he moans out as he attaches his lips to yours, feeling his sweaty skin against yours. Both of your moans spilled out against each other’s lips as your orgasms overtook your bodies. His hands held yours tightly as he rode out both of your highs. At this point both of you were breathing heavily as you tried to calm down. This was definitely more intense than the last time. You felt Harry's weight on you as he slid out of you. Thank goodness for birth control. You wrapped your arms around him, your fingers playing with his hair.

In this very moment you were the happiest you’ve ever been. You didn’t want this moment to end, and you wanted to stay here with Harry forever. You felt Harry shift, completely coming off of you, lying next to you. “That was amazing”, he says laughing. I couldn’t help but laugh as well. I lay my head on his chest, my right leg over his his arm on the bottom of my back. I could near his heartbeat slowly coming down, but speed back up once I start tracing his tattoos. “I really like your tattoos H”, you say to him as you trace the butterfly tattoo again. “And I really like you”, harry whispers to you as his heartbeat increased as well. A smile spread across your face. “I like you too”, you say leaning up to kiss him. “You want to see where this goes?”, he asks motioning to both of you. “I would love to”, you say as you straddle his lips and kiss him again. "Perfect. Then I can guess I can call you, my girlfriend?” he says. “Your guess is correct...boyfriend", you smile against his lips. You couldn’t wait to see where this would lead. You were nervous and scared. One thing that you were sure of is that your feelings for Harry were strong and you felt completely safe with him and that you were ready for all the new adventures to come.

[quiet-in-the-wild]

I think I’m not sick anymore from Covid.

I still have an occasional dry cough - but I don’t feel sick.

Omg this was awful- make sure to mask etc. I think it lasted exactly 2 weeks of symptoms. But it feels like I lost the whole month of July. & I had to postpone 2 specialist appointments. One for top surgery consult & one for my ovarian cyst that I’ve been waiting for since March & it got rescheduled in late September 🙃

I literally had every single symptom of covid + some I wasn’t expecting like being unbelievably sweaty & having to change my clothes every couple hours.

Ugh that that sore throat was awful & then I just like lost a few days - just slept or was completely out of it.

Some things that helped

DayQuil & nyquil severe cold & flu.

When I was awake we watched seasons of task master & I feel like laughing / staying distracted helped a lot.

For 4 days I could only drink hot water/tea- because even room temp water burned my throat. & the only time my throat didn’t feel like a million cuts was when I was drinking tea. I think continuously drinking honey vanilla chamomile helped me not get dehydrated.

Smelling things- I lost my sense of smell & I just kept smelling stuff intentionally until it came back - peppermint was very helpful

Sleeping laying flat on my side helped my cough- sleeping sitting up causes phlegm to go in my lungs & it was awful. I literally was coughing every 30 seconds one night when I sat up to sleep & bruised/injured my diaphragm

There was 1 or 2 days in the middle of it I thought it was over & then I got all the symptoms again & at that point I was so sick of it.

In the past 4 years we’ve wondered if we had covid before. & we definitely haven’t. That was horrible unlike any cold or virus I’ve ever had.

I tend to say away from people in general. Like working from home & we avoid crowds because we don’t like them & mask in crowded places.

But the more I think about it- I was at a birthday dinner for my mom & my one aunt had been sick all day the previous day- but she’s old & has chronic health problems - but looking back it was definitely Covid. & I’m so frustrated that she came to dinner when she was clearly sick.

So please dont go to events if you feel sick- the strain I had/my whole family had started out as digestive distress. And then moved to a sore throat.

[chuwuyas]

about c&r

Hello my dear saioumers, it is I, jul chuwuyas. I wanted to stop by to talk a little bit about c&r since people ask me about it a lot

Unfortunately, to talk about it, I will have to dive into some personal stuff and share some things with you all that I've been keeping to myself for quite some time now and didn't really want to share, but felt like I needed to. So, since some stuff will be kinda, uh... serious? I will put everything under the cut

(TL;DR for those who don't wanna read about my personal life tho: c&r is NOT abandoned, but writer's block is not the only reason why I haven't updated the fic yet (tho it is one of them). I don't know when the hiatus will end. I'm sorry)

(CW for the things under the cut: mental illness, pet death, suicide ideation)

So, to start: yes, writer's block is one of the reasons why c&r is on hiatus. No, I have not been lying about it. I burned out so badly in 2021 that it's Still hard for me to write things that satisfy me because I reached my peak back then and was popping out 5, 6 fics in a month for 7/8 whole months when my usual is/was about 2 or 3 a year (if you check my ao3 page and the dates in which my fics were posted, you'll see that aside from the danganronpa fics, that usually was the case. I'm a slow writer). I'm still recovering. And the universe seems to not want me to.

Last year, around January, I felt like I was finally setting myself free from writer's block. I started writing something for my oc ship (yes, yes, I know. Not c&r. But what can I say? They bring me comfort) and I was so happy with what I got, so inspired to write, I was actually seeing the words on the doc again.

Then, one of my three cats got sick. Then, he died.

It completely broke me in a way I don't think I will ever recover. I was extremely attached to him and I drained all the money I had saved for therapy to try to save him, but it didn't work and I lost my cat, the money, and consequently my mental health. We spent almost an entire month taking him to the vet and bringing him back home because the vet kept telling us he was okay and then he'd get even worse and need hospitalization again, so that was more money spent on him. I had my friends help me with that, and I am immensely grateful even though it didn't work out in the end. Thank you for helping me bring him some comfort on his last days @ friendos.

After he died, a couple of months later, I tried writing again and managed to write a few thousand words, but my mental health still wasn't the best. Then, I started getting some personal problems that I will not talk about here but took a toll on me and shoved me back into the writer's block box, but now with the addition of increasingly growing self-doubt and depressive thoughts that soon turned suicidal.

Then, around September, another cat of mine got sick. And, this time, we didn't have money to help him.

He was my best friend. We basically grew up together (he was 13 and was born when I was 11, so I had him longer than I didn't have him) and I was also extremely attached to him. When he got sick, I would sit down on the floor and talk to him in tears asking him to hold on just until I got a job so I could pay for his bills. I didn't get a job fast enough to help him. It was me who found him, too.

From August to November, things were so bad in my life (between my personal life, my pets' deaths, and family members getting sick) I genuinely caught myself considering ending my suffering. Planning it. Thinking about it every day. Not wanting to wake up. It was a rough period of my life that I made it through alone because I didn't really tell anyone what was going on with me. I wished I could go back to the past. I wished I could change things to make the future not so bad. I'm still caught up in the past and nostalgic for a time that will not come back no matter how much I wish it would. But I pushed it through.

And one of the things that kept me from ending it all was the fact I haven't finished c&r yet.

I didn't wanna go without concluding the story. I didn't wanna go without showing you all what I have planned for the last chapter and how this story will end. So, I started using c&r as some sort of anchor — something to keep me going because I still have something to do on this earth before leaving. I love this story and I don't wanna leave it unfinished. I wanna see your reactions reading the last chapter, the freaking out, the key smashes, the DMs I'll receive, the theories, the fanarts. I love how big this story got and the little fandom it got for itself. People love something that I wrote so much they make art of it! They cosplay the characters, they write things based on it! It's so mindblowing that something like this would ever happen to me, I started telling myself: I can't die until I finish catch & release.

My mental health is way better now and I'm no longer considering suicide (though, ough, it sucks not having a lot of money). I have a job now and can pay for the vet in case my last cat gets sick. My personal life is good now, too, and my relative who's sick is doing a lot better. I have things to look forward to. Things are good now. I'm happy, though I still miss my cats every day.

I am, however, still using c&r as one of my anchors, and I don't know when I will stop doing so. So, for now, the fic is still on hiatus. But it isn't abandoned, and it will never be. I will finish it one day. So, until then, keep bearing with me.

Thank you for reading, and most of all thank you for understanding. I love you all.

[le-agent-egg]

Ok now that school for me is over I finally feel comfortable for talking about how this year went for me, because holy fuck it was horrible.

Now I in absolutely no way wish to overstep boundaries for anyone who sees this, so here we go: trigger warning for s**cide, s**cidal thoughts and tendencies, s*xual assault, mentions of r*pe, smaller mentions of homophobia/racism/transphobia, potential fetishization of trans people, and just general power abuse from schools. Please, for the love of god, if you do not feel comfortable with any of these topics, do not read this post.

I would like to preface by saying that I come from a very European bloodline, like everyone leading up to me is European, however I myself am Canadian, and I have a lot of North American influence in me. With that being said, one thing that is pretty common from what I know is for people, especially in the country my mom is from, to be people pleasers. I am a very heavy people pleaser, I don’t like talking about my feelings, all that fun stuff.

In the city I live in, there was a school that I wanted to go to for two reasons: most of my friends were there, and there was a specific program I wanted to be in, though it was mainly the former and not the latter. The only problem is that due to the amount of people going there, it is a closed school, meaning people from out of zone are unable to attend UNLESS you are in the program. You can see where this is going.

Even though I was ok with going to my designated school for a while, around of March 2023 I decided I did want to go to the school with my friends. I submitted my first application form, and around June, I got an email saying I would in fact be a candidate for the program.

Tenth grade starts, I start going to the school, and everything is fine for the first little while. Some details will be kept private, but some work related things happened to my family around early October. Now for the really fun part:

The thing about this program, and honestly school in general, is that it’s very focused on academics, and almost wearing people down. We were doing a novel study on the book The Chrysalids, a book that I personally relate to very much, when shit really went down.

To start things off, we had a pop quiz on the book, that I ended up only getting 40% on. I was completely freaking out, only thinking of how angry everyone was going to be. Then while we were reading the book, a lot of the religious references started getting to me, the ones regarding the “true image of man” if you’ve read the book. (For context, I am a trans man, and that stuff kinda made me feel. Not very good.)

So I end up going to a school counselor, talking about that, which eventually leads to me finally spiraling into talking about my own suicidal thoughts. For a bit more context I’ve been struggling with mental health since around the sixth grade after needing to go to the hospital for something with my eye, as well as my grandfather passing away. I started talking about just how bad I was feeling, and since it’s part of the safety rules, the counselor did have to call my parents. Let me tell you there is nothing more awkward than your parents finding out about the fact that you’re dealing with suicidal thoughts, especially over phone.

So. Long story short, we ended up going to my city’s children’s hospital for a risk assessment. We talked about some stuff, got some resources, all that fun stuff. Really awkward to explain to people why I wasn’t in class.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I’m called down to the office again. Since this was around the time the people at my school were doing assessments for people for if they would get into the program or not, I got the news that based on the past week where I finally snapped, that they didn’t deem me fit for the stress of the program, despite the fact that for the previous month and a half, I had been doing fine. Additionally they said that I could stay with only one class instead of the required two, however this was the one I didn’t want as much. They kinda gave me a pity acceptance because they thought I would be too much to deal with haha. My dad kinda went off on them.

When I got home that day, I decided that after having my own mental health issues used against me, I wanted nothing to do with the school. Also, again, if you’ve read The Chrysalids, you’ll probably understand why I relate to much to the main character David (being in a society where you’re different from others, but in turn seen as a hassle)

Officially speaking, I denied the pity acceptance around December, meaning that in grade 11, I would be going back to my designated school. We were also getting help from a few counselors, so that really helped. I also ended up doing my oral final for English on being a part of a society that treats you bad because your different with David from The Chrysalids and Juliet from you can probably guess where. I cried during it lmao (because I said that I would end up like David in the sense of finally being somewhere that accepts me, rather than Juliet with… you can see the implication.)

You’re probably thinking “oh yay we’re at the happy ending!!” Nope nooooo haha we just finished semester one. Now moving onto semester two:

We need to go back in time to set the stage a little: Remember how I mentioned that one of the main reasons I originally wanted to apply was because most of my friends were going to that school? One of them, who I’ll call D, was included in that. D and I had met in eighth grade, since we were in the same French class and debate team. He introduced me to a larger group of friends, where I actually met a lot of cool people. He was someone who I considered my closest friend, and honestly, the main reason I wanted to go to the school.

Around the start of ninth grade is when my egg cracked so to speak, and I realized I was a trans guy. He ended up helping me choose the name Zach, which is what I’ve gone by for the past year or two. After everything else I say you’ll understand why I’m thinking of changing it, mostly because I feel like I didn’t really choose it. Anyway.

Ninth grade is when I probably should have realized that stuff was getting a biiiit weird. Obviously ninth graders are not known for being very mature. So one thing D would always do is hug me before I got to my next class. Seems innocent enough right? Well I’ve always been averse to physical touch - ask my parents, they can confirm that even when I was a toddler I hated being hugged. But I really liked D, platonically I should say, so I let him hug me, because I liked seeing him happy.

This evolved into him kissing me goodbye. For most of ninth grade he wore a mask, but around halfway he stopped, and often times our lips would make contact. People would always joke “haha you’re dating get a room” but I hated getting kissed, like genuinely hated it. Probably because, again, I am very averse to touch, and was never ready for a romantic relationship. I would just kinda dissociate whenever he would do that.

These jokes didn’t stop once we were in tenth grade, and neither did he. The kissing stopped, sure, but it evolved into constantly touching me and wrapping his arms around me. Again, I am very averse to physical touch, but even with feeling wildly uncomfortable I let him do it because I’m a people pleaser. I think what sucks for me is that so many people probably noticed how uncomfortable I was with all of this, and yet said nothing, like “hey are you ok with being touched”, or something. I understand I should advocate for myself, but I genuinely felt so trapped.

Whenever I would try to hide in the school, he would always somehow find me, and start the cycle over again. Sometimes he would hug me to tight that it physically hurt. But the worst thing is that, on multiple occasions, he would “accidentally” touch my ass, inner thigh, or upper chest. This is, as my friends describe both it and the kissing, borderline sexual assault, and under no circumstances will i EVER let myself be treated like that again. I felt like two years of a mutual trust build between us had been tossed in the trash, because even with a crush on me, he couldn’t keep his hands off me.

Not to go all conspiracy theorist mode, but I honestly feel like it might have something to do with the fact that I’m trans- none of this happened before I came out to our larger group, but after I did, all of this happened. Let me tell you that larger group has a lot of not very good people in it, like I’m talking thinking that racism/homophobia/transphobia/rape is the funniest thing ever. WHICH IT IS NOT. IT’S NOT VERY GOOD TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT RAPE WHEN SOMEONE IN THE GROUP IS BORDERLINE SAING SOMEONE ELSE.

So. Not very epic. But wait, there’s more!!

Another person who went to the school was someone who I knew in ninth grade as well- lets call her A. A is known to have a very big princess complex- she’s never been told no in her life, she always thinks she’s the center of attention, and she loves making herself seem like a victim. Literally, in a team-based activity we had, when we said we work bad as a team, she took it as a personal insult.

Another thing A is really bad with is that she does not know how to keep her hands to herself. She would constantly poke at my waist, even when I told her to not touch me. When we were learning some basic CPR stuff, and I said “don’t touch me”, she was like “Oh ok I guess if you’re choking I’ll leave you to die since you don’t wanna be touched” ?????

She was one of the worst with the “get a room” jokes, even when I told her to stop. We had a martial arts unit, and at one point she was hitting me so hard and frequently that I was unable to recover. Where did having respect for your opponent go? We’re sparring, not trying to kill each other lmao (also she actually did end up hitting my wrist pretty weird, and it was so painful I ended up sitting out for the rest of class. yippee.) To top it off, on the last day of school when I was telling a close friend about why I wouldn’t be in the school next year, A decided to barge in saying that it was my fault for getting kicked out of the program because of my mental health issues. Not a very nice thing to say to someone.

ANYWAY. TL:DR, I ended up getting my mental health used against me to get denied from a program, was borderline assaulted by someone who I thought was a close friend, and had a generally bad experience with another student who ended up telling me that it was my fault for getting kicked out of the program, all in the span of less than ten months.

Thankfully I am doing better now that I’m leaving that school and the bad people in it for good, and I also have some really great friends as well. Honestly I’m just glad I survived this year, because as bad as it sounds, without everything happening, I don’t know if I would have made it to 16.

If you’re still reading this, have some sweets because fuck that was heavy. Thanks <3 🍫🍰🧁🍩🍪🍦

[black-arcana]

THREE DAYS GRACE To Finish Recording New Album In January

Last week, Canadian rockers THREE DAYS GRACE released "Mayday", their first single since the return of original frontman Adam Gontier. The 46-year-old musician, who left THREE DAYS GRACE in 2013, is sharing lead vocals in the band's new lineup with singer Matt Walst, who has fronted THREE DAYS GRACE for the past decade.

"Mayday" was produced by Zakk Cervini and Dan Lancaster with vocal production by Howard Benson. In addition, the band released an epic CiRCUS HEaD-directed visual to accompany the track which can be found below.

Speaking to Meltdown of Detroit's WRIF radio station, THREE DAYS GRACE drummer Neil Sanderson stated about Adam's return to the band (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "We had been talking and we've kept in touch. And the band was just talking about, like, how great would this be for us and for the fans and for the nostalgia of THREE DAYS GRACE. And then he got up on stage with us [for a guest appearance], and then we just thought, 'Let's make something new. Let's sit down and write a song.' And once we kind of got into that songwriting process, it just felt really natural and it felt right. And I think for the fans, we're giving them something that we haven't done before and hasn't really been done much in the past."

He continued: "At the end of the day, THREE DAYS GRACE, we're family. In fact, as you may know, Matt, one of our singers, is Brad's [Walst, THREE DAYS GRACE bassist] brother. And he kind of grew up around THREE DAYS GRACE and then slipped into the position. But we're really guitar heavy — we've got a lot of guitars going on and stuff — and those guys [Adam and Matt] both play guitar. So it's gonna be great to have another guitar on stage, too, as well as two singers. So it opens up the door for us to do a lot of things that we might not have been able to do before."

Regarding "Mayday", Neil said:  "First of all, it's been a crazy journey since the beginning for THREE DAYS GRACE, but bringing Adam back into the band has just been — it's all been really positive, super organic. And we decided, 'Let's get together and see what we can really do together,' and this song kind of came out quick.

"This song is just kind of about putting one foot in front of the other in a world of kind of disillusionment," he explained. "And, basically, when Adam and Matt started singing it, the natural trade-off of vocals just kind of came together. We kind of listened to a bunch of PINK FLOYD, 'cause both singers have their own characteristics and stuff, so we really played to those strengths. And at one point the guys were rock paper scissors to see who was gonna sing the next line."

On the topic of the "Mayday" video, Neil said: "It was a really fun video to make. It was kind of especially cool for me because very rarely as a drummer do you get to make a video where you don't have to fake playing drums all day. [Laughs] And so, yeah, complete melee goes on on the plane. And it's kind of an analogy to just feeling like we're hurling through life at warp speed, and sometimes it doesn't feel like there is a pilot that's in control of things. But it's also a bit of a celebration, like, 'Hey, if we're going down, we're all going down together.'"

Asked when we can expect a new THREE DAYS GRACE full-length album, Neil said: "We're working on it as we speak. I was just with the guys on Zoom, and we're finishing it up. We basically hope to have it done by the end of this year and finish recording in January. And then, of course, we go out on tour. We're starting with DISTURBED and then we're putting together a headline tour for later in the year and lots of festivals and stuff. So we need to wrap the record up by January, and I think it'll probably come out a couple of months after that."

THREE DAYS GRACE teased a reunion with Gontier less than two months ago by posting a voicemail message in which Adam told Matt that he would "be at the studio soon, if you can just let everybody know."

Gontier said about his return to THREE DAYS GRACE: "I feel like it's been seamless, better than we were expecting. It's like we got back in a room together and picked up where we left off. We have been friends for so long, it's kind of natural to get back in the room together."

Walst added: "It's been so much fun and inspiring making this record. Combining over 20 years of THREE DAYS GRACE and doing something that no band has ever done. I'm excited for the fans to hear it!"

In April 2023, Gontier reunited with THREE DAYS GRACE onstage during the band's concert in Huntsville, Alabama. Gontier rejoined his former bandmates when they opened for SHINEDOWN at the Probst Arena At The Von Braun Center to perform two classic songs from THREE DAYS GRACE's 2006 album "One-X": "Never Too Late" and "Riot".

THREE DAYS GRACE later shared a post-performance photo with Gontier on social media and wrote in an accompanying message: "Soooo we did a thing."

In July 2022, Gontier said that a reunion with his former bandmates was "likely" to happen "down the road at some point." The Canadian-born musician made his comments just a couple of weeks after he and two members of the band's most recent lineup, bassist Brad Walst and his younger brother, vocalist Matt Walst, were inducted into the Norwood District High School Hall Of Honor in Norwood, Ontario.

Asked in an interview with Rock Feed if he would be open to working with THREE DAYS GRACE again now that he appears to be on good terms with his former bandmates, Gontier said: "You know what? Yeah. I mean, for sure. We've all grown up. It's been a while. There's no hard feelings or anything like that. We're all in touch now and we talk and text and stuff. We haven't really talked about doing anything — not yet anyway — but I feel like something like that is most likely down the road at some point," he added.

When interviewer Brian Storm noted that Adam's reunion with THREE DAYS GRACE would be a "big" deal, Gontier said, "And it would be a lot of fun." Storm then reiterated that the reunion would be "very big," to which Adam said: "Probably would be. You never know, man. We haven't really talked about it. But, yeah, I guess we'll see."

Earlier in July 2022, Brad Walst spoke about reconnecting with Gontier at the Norwood District High School event in an interview with Tommy Carroll of the 97.9 WGRD radio station. He said: "It's funny 'cause the high school's been calling us for years. And, obviously, we've all had kind of different schedules, and Adam's been doing his thing and we've been doing our thing. And until recently, to be honest, we hadn't really spoken that much — we'd text and stuff. But Adam's moved back to the area, and he's got a great family and a great wife. And we've all kind of been chatting and hanging out. Yeah, I called him and just said, 'They want the three of us' — they want Matt, Adam and myself. And everyone agreed, and it was, like, 'Okay, let's do this.' So it was pretty cool to see [our] high school, where you grew up… It's nice to be acknowledged."

He continued: "It's funny, 'cause I texted Adam, 'You made the Hall Of Fame.' He's, like, 'Yup. Straight-B student.' [Laughs] But I think just having us together in that room was way more powerful, for sure. So it was a pretty cool feeling."

In 1992, Gontier, Brad Walst, Phil Crowe, Neil Sanderson and Joe Grant formed GROUNDSWELL while most of the members were still in high school. That band broke up in 1995, but two years later Gontier, Sanderson and Walst reformed as THREE DAYS GRACE. Gontier left the band in 2013 and was replaced by Matt, the vocalist from another Norwood band, MY DARKEST DAYS.

In a 2007 interview with The Oklahoman, Gontier said that he met some of his first bandmates while they were freshmen at Norwood District High School.

"I ended up hooking up with Brad because we had the same love of music," Gontier said. "He didn't play anything at the time. I suggested him getting a bass, and he did."

Gontier said that Canadian bands, including THE TRAGICALLY HIP and OUR LADY PEACE were early influences, along with the Seattle rock scene, particularly the group SUNNY DAY REAL ESTATE.

Gontier initially went into rehab in 2005 in Toronto after admitting an addiction to Oxycontin. The rehab stint influenced some material which would appear on THREE DAYS GRACE's "One-X" album, including the songs "Pain" and "Over And Over".

Gontier left THREE DAYS GRACE in the spring of 2013. At the time, the Canadian rockers cited unspecified "health issues" when his departure was announced. Adam later released a statement explaining he exited THREE DAYS GRACE to pursue new projects, and not to deal with addiction.

Gontier is currently a member of SAINT ASONIA, which also features STAIND guitarist/founding member Mike Mushok. The quartet is rounded out by Cale Gontier (bass) and Cody Watkins (drums).

THREE DAYS GRACE's latest album, "Explosions", was released in May 2022 via RCA Records.

Photo credit: Matt Barnes

[secretlywritingstories]

I just remembered the personal blog I used to have. I started writing on it the summer at the end of my first year at university and I stopped posting the autumn I'd handed in my master thesis. It followed me through ups and downs for over five years and looking back at it now feels strange.

It's coming up on the 10 years since I started that blog. I just opened my first post to check it out and immediately noticed a dumb spelling error. And oh, how naive and unsure I was back then. Just 19 years old thinking that I was becoming an adult.

To be fair, I was but I've spent most of the last decade becoming more and more adult and I'm not sure I've reached "proper" adulthood yet. If such a thing ever exist.

But it was a curious thing to see what took up my heart and mind. Lots of university struggles, spending time with my horse, writing and setting myself writing challenges, dealing with anxiousness and stress. Perhaps not all that different from my life now (if you swap job with uni) but somehow, contradictory, also vastly different.

In the five years that the blog has sat abandoned (my old age of 24 sitting in the banner as a marker), I've gone through a lot. As a human I've grown immensely, even if many of my interests and the way I engage with the world is still similar.

My very last blog post was about handing in my thesis and then having to do an oral defence a couple of weeks later. I finished on this: I don't know if I have ever been more scared. It was that anticipation of what my life would look like when I was no longer a student.

I had been a student my whole life, jumping from one form of education to another. Ten years of school. Three years of gymnasium. Six years of university. Almost two decades of being in school in some shape or form and the anticipation of what came after was so scary. I would lose all of my structure and crumble, I could feel it in my bones.

In some ways, I did. But in other ways, I also have been very fortunate. It took me over a year to find a job. I had to go through a pandemic that only made it harder. The isolation was gutting but it also made me find an online community that are now some of my closest friends. I started working a reception job only to be able to move into a department related to my field after ten months.

I've kept past friendships from schools, I still have my horse, I'm close with my family, I daily chat with my online friends and we've been (and will go) on trips to meet up. I've got a good salary, I like my colleagues and boss, and I get to try new exciting things, even if that sometimes scares me. I have written and published almost 100 fics since that last blog post and my writing has only gotten better and better.

My brain still trips me up. I didn't dare dive into some of the more mental health related posts I made at this moment but I think I'll see present me echoed in those too. Even if I've gotten better at dealing with stuff in some ways. I'm going to try to continue to improve on that front.

Five years is a long time but somehow, in the span of a full life, also a short time. For five years, I wrote on that personal blog. It's been five years since I've touched it. One version of me started it and another version finished it, and me looking back on it now is yet another different version.

I don't share like that anymore on the internet, but I do still keep a journal I write in every single day. And well, then there's these "my tumblr dabbles" a way to give myself permission to post tiny parts of me and my thoughts online still. Crack myself open and see what flows out onto the page that I want to share. Thank you for everyone who indulges them.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

As promised - here's my final thoughts on The Golden Girls, my way of honouring this show that has kept me such good company in the past few months. Before I begin, I'd like to thank all the people who have liked/reblogged my rants about this series: I've appreciated each and every one of you, and while we might be few, it's been nice knowing I wasn't alone shouting into the void. I hope you had as much fun as I did.

Be advised: this is long and rather messy, but if you're interested, here you go - under the cut!

Let me preface by saying that I knew basically next to nothing about TGG before I started watching, last September. I had seen the couple of very famous posts about it circling around tumblr, which gave me the idea that it was an old but relatively progressive and very good show, and I knew that Betty White, beloved American actress, starred in it - so, in general, I had a favourable disposition, but being both non-American and born in the late 90s I had literally no idea what I might be getting into.

To be honest, I knew I wanted to watch it eventually, but I would have waited even more if not for a certain occurrence - that is, I read the Good Omens book. It is mentioned a couple times in there that Crowley considers TGG one of his favourite sitcoms (there's even a scene in which hell communicates with him via Rose). I was at the time (and still am...) completely obsessed with GO S2, and in need of something to distract myself: I took the bait, expecting it to be a good way to spend some time.

I did not expect to like it this much.

Some stuff you probably already know - it's really very progressive, especially for its time, and it's certainly got an original premise: how many shows do you know in which the main characters are all middle-aged and old women? And, of course, you probably know that it's a funny comedy show. Here's the thing, if you've never watched it: it is way, way funnier than you think. Yes, funnier than that. My God, is this show hilarious. I am, in general, an emotive person when watching stuff, but I've never watched a show that had me laughing so much, so loudly and so consistently during its whole airtime (B99 got close, but nowhere on this level). The writing is (almost always) great, the jokes and gags are delightful, the characters all have amazing chemistry, and the actresses are EXCEPTIONAL. Rue McClanahan, Bea Arthur, Betty White and Estelle Getty deserved all the praise and awards they got for this series, and even more. It's almost miraculous how so much talent - in the cast and crew alike - managed to end up in the right place at the right time like this.

Let's delve into a little more detail, shall we? So - the writing. As I mentioned, the premise is already original in and of itself - a show about four ageing ladies living as roommates in Miami would be groundbreaking even now, let alone in 1985. Not only that: it's a show in which four ageing ladies live as roommates with very full, enjoyable lives, fulfilling hobbies and platonic relationships, romances and sexual relations; it's a show in which four ageing ladies deal with life, death, old age, health problems (especially "feminine" ones: that episode about menopause was scandalous!), family, love, sexuality and a plethora of other subjects, while at the same time embarking on shenanigans and incredible adventures.

I always say that, while the opposite is not always true, great comedy actors are also great dramatic actors, and this is true for the writing as well: the same actresses and writers that make you laugh until you wheeze one second will have you a sobbing mess in the next one. The girls face together a lot of heavy subjects and events (Blanche's relationship with her estranged children, Dorothy's first marriage and divorce, Phil's death, Rose's childhood in the orphanage and the identity of her parents, and so, so much more), which creates the space for some truly moving performances by all actresses. Hell, there's a scene in S7 that lasts less than a couple minutes, in which Rose talks to a dog, that still makes me tearful when I think about it.

Not only that: this show delves into a lot of themes that are still controversial today, and while a few jokes here and there might be outdated by today's standards (although there's much, much less of these than I expected), you can always tell they treated these issues with love, care, and genuine respect for all the people involved. The episode dealing with AIDS has already reached tumblr fame, but just off the top of my head I remember episodes about the life of immigrants, queer identities (both in terms of sexuality and gender identity), artificial insemination, racism, poverty, homelessness, ageism & the treatment of people in nursing homes, assisted suicide (yes, you read that right). Compare this with sitcoms aired years later (I'm looking at you, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and The Big Bang Theory), and then tell me this isn't a Very Special show.

Above all this, though, TGG is a show about four ageing women who become a family - who sometimes fight, sometimes keep secrets from each other, sometimes get involved in absurd circumstances, often bicker, but always, always, always have each other's backs and take care of each other. That's why, while the series finale was touching (once all the circumstances are taken into account: I wouldn't have forgiven such a hurried romance for Dorothy if not for the very strict constraints the writers had to work within), the actual, real finale to me was the next-to-last episode, Home Again, Rose: Part 1&2. Let me explain why.

There's an episode in S4, E22: Sophia's Choice, which deals with the condition of people in nursing homes, and how so many slip through the cracks of the system and live out their old age in horrible situations, alone and without any support. The three younger girls are understandably shaken by this thought: old age is growing closer for all of them - what if they end up slipping through the cracks too? What if they have to live out their days in solitude and abusive conditions? In the end, Rose (met with enthusiasm by her roommates) finds this solution:

I know, girls: let's make a pact that we'll always take care of each other. That we'll never desert each other, no matter what.

and in Home Again, Rose, Dorothy restates this same promise to Rose's daughter, Kirsten:

Honey, we made a pact a few years ago that if anything happened to any one of us, the other three would take care of her. Sort of an extra insurance policy.

She says this after an entire episode where the theme is that of family by blood vs chosen family: an episode in which the girls are barred from seeing Rose, who has to undergo an operation that might leave her dead or unable to take care of herself alone, because they're not her relatives; an episode in which they spend hours upon hours at the hospital anyway, waiting and hoping, and they are ready - they actually suggest the idea - to put themselves in horrible debt to cover Rose's medical expenses, because while they might not be related, they are family. It's just like Blanche states at the end of the very first episode, S1E1 The Engagement:

I was humming. And humming means I'm feeling good. And then I realized, I was feeling good because of you! You made the difference. You're my family, and you make me happy to be alive.

Do you see? They set the scene for how these characters interact in the very first episode, and then spend 7 seasons showing how true it is, up until the very last second. Sure - the girls argue, they bicker, they hurt each other at times, but you never doubt that they love each other deeply (except in the very, very rare occasions when the writing wasn't up to par - and even then, the doubt is very fleeting and quickly resolved). All of them have both blood relatives and romantic relationships (although not all of those are happy), and yet these other bonds are never portrayed as more important or more significant than what they share with each other. This is the very heart of the show, and it's a heart that beats thunderous and warm throughout all seven seasons of it - it's what makes TGG such a beloved, well-remembered sitcom.

(Since this is tumblr, aka the shipping old people site, and since you've all read my comments in the past few months, let me also spend a couple words on the queer romance reading of Blanche/Dorothy/Rose. For my own enjoyment, and because I needed some old woman yuri in my life, I decided in S1E1 that these three were in an open polycule and watched accordingly; can you blame me? They're always touching, they send each other some quite smitten Looks, they have great romantic chemistry, they're committed to each other, and quite a number of scenes are actually explicitly suggestive in that sense, although it's usually as part of a bigger comedic setup. I like to think that maybe, in a different and kinder world, this series would have ended with the three of them staying together as partners - if only for the fact that such a romance would have had incredible comedic potential. In any case, the point stands: these women love each other, whether there's some romance in there or it's all platonic, and that's the beating core of the show.)

Of course, even the best plots won't work if the characters involved fall flat; luckily, all the characters in TGG are spectacular. They're all very distinct, identifiable personalities without ever becoming stereotypes or growing stale; they have incredible chemistry in a comedic setting, but are so well-rounded that they work perfectly in a more somber setting too.

I've already commented in the past on how great a decision it was to keep Sophia a main character of the show, instead of just a recurring one: her special brand of caustic sarcasm is a crucial part of the dynamic between the main girls, and her one-liners are always iconic. Her bond with Dorothy is so sweet and realistic, and the way she gradually becomes Blanche's and Rose's mom too was delightful to watch. Dorothy herself, of course, is my very first love: the character that left the best impression on me in E1, and the one I resonate with the most. Her stares are iconic, her comebacks are legendary, and her regal poise and steadfast delivery make for a uniquely enjoyable kind of humour that I don't think I'll ever find anywhere else. And this is only her comedic side: her sweet and dramatic moments are equally memorable, and make her a favourite in no time. Rose is a testament to both the genius of the writers and Betty White's one-of-a-kind talent: her gimmicks and traits would have left me bored after a while in any other show, but in this one they just make her endearing. Giving her a heart of gold (on the good side) and an incredibly competitive streak (on the bad side) were clever choices, and they combined with her naivety and absurd anecdotes to make a character that is always, always funny, and always, always lovable. And finally, Blanche - oh, Blanche! I didn't expect to like her this much. I'm guessing this is equal parts due to the amazing character writing and to Rue McClanahan's exceptional ability - it might be because she's wonderfully charming in her usual, confident self, and even more compelling in her rare moments of vulnerability. What I can tell you with certainty is this: at some (early) point while watching I realized that I couldn't get enough of her character, and the feeling never went away, up until the very end.

You really can't help but love them all! The way they interact with each other, they grow with and thanks to each other, they support each other - it all makes for such compelling characters and dynamics that it's impossible not to enjoy. Betty White stated once, during an interview, that these four ladies are nice to visit for a half-hour every week, to see what they're doing, and I agree with the sentiment (although much more than 30 minutes a week would be wonderful!): they feel like real people, with real lives, and you just want to know what they're up to this time and how they're going to power and laugh through it. To misquote what Neil Gaiman once said about Aziraphale and Crowley in Good Omens: you could lock these four in a dark basement for a half hour and you'd have an entertaining show.

There's so much more I'd like to talk about (it's real hyperfixation hour, boys!) - from the amazing work of the costumes department to more character analysis to specific plotlines and themes, I could stay here rambling on for literal hours. However, this post is already long enough - I'll just keep this steam to fuel my creative endeavors.

Just briefly - so, what's next? Technically speaking, there's still The Golden Palace to watch, but I haven't made up my mind about it yet. According to the internet, Bea Arthur left TGG in part because she felt the writing was declining in quality, and I can see why she thought so; although the general level of the show always remained high, I also had my issues with some episodes in S7, and from the few reviews I've read about it it's a decline that's felt in Golden Palace as well. There's also the elephant in the room of Bea Arthur's departure: I think it was once again Betty White who said that Golden Palace felt like a table with a missing leg, without Dorothy there, although I'm sure Don Cheadle and the other actors did their best to compensate for her absence. This being said, I do love Sophia, Blanche and Rose, so I might decide to watch it eventually - although I'll probably opt for something else for a while, now.

If you've gotten this far, thank you so much. Watching this show and sharing my love for it with you all has been a delightful experience, and I'm truly grateful for it. I'll keep interacting with the fandom, of course (I have so many ideas for stories and vignettes!) - and I'll be sure to rewatch an episode here and there anytime I need to wrap myself in laughter and warmth. To you all, to Sophia, to Dorothy, to Rose, to Blanche: Thank you for being a friend!

[blossom-adventures]

Ok… rant incoming, feel free to ignore it, somethings just come up and it really irritated me, I’ll put it under the read more because it’s a lot… personal stuff, family stuff, I’ve kept this rant bottled up for a pretty long time so it’s a long post

I don’t mind if you don’t read it

I came so close to scrapping this again (I have typed this story out in the past and deleted it) but sod it! I need to get this out of my system!

TW: Illness, death

So… I have a half sister, she’s my dad’s daughter from a previous marriage, much older than me and my brother

I’d not heard from her for 13 or 14 years but when my dad’s health deteriorated she turned up, acting like she’d been present for the last 13/14 years, my dad had invited her over so I remained civil, as much as I hated her being there

A little extra context, she has 4 children and my dad, their grandfather, met the youngest 2 for the first time just before lockdown in 2020, they were 9 and 7 years old!

When my dad was at his worst, about a week before he died, she turned up again, at the same time my dad was being seen to by an ambulance crew (his temperature was worryingly high, given his condition) and with lockdown rules, only 7 people were allowed in the room; my mum, dad, 2 ambulance crew, our GP was there as were the 2 visiting nurses that came to the house 4 times a day to help with his care, so I went in the living room out of the way, when she got there I told her that we needed to wait in the living room, so what does she do, yep… goes into the room where my dad is, acting the concerned daughter.

When she gets told to go and wait in the living room by my mum she comes in and sits down, never asking if I was ok, or anything like that, no she says “what’s wrong with dad?” Oh I had to hold my tongue sooooo much, I could’ve gone off on a rant, but I didn’t, I said “they’re making sure his temperature isn’t because of COVID” then she says “how would he have got that?”

Now bare in mind… I was still working full time, I was going into work not knowing if he would be there when I got home, I was at the end of my emotional tether, if it wasn’t for a couple of friends at work, I’d have exploded at that comment, I read it as she was blaming me for making my dad’s health worse, I couldn’t deal with her, so I retreated to my bedroom and cried for a while.

So… dad died in October 2020, I made it clear that I would not sit next to her at the funeral, we shared a hug at the end but she said nothing to me, not that I wanted her to, and that was the last time I saw her.

Fast forward to today… a whole 2 years, 7 months and a few days after he died, and my mum comes down with piles of photos, and she says “I know you’re going to ask, so I’m just going to say it, I got a message from her (she used her name but I’m not going to use it here) the other day asking if we had any pictures of her with dad, I know we have a couple so I’m going to look for them”

And this is what has irritated me, after nearly 3 years of no contact she asks if we have pictures of her and dad?! And assumes that my mum can just say “oh yes, we have a lot, I’ll send them you, dad kept them in a special box” because NO, he didn’t, we have like… 3, and they could be scattered in various piles of photos!

So now my mum is having to search through photos to find pictures of her… it’s just… it’s really annoyed me…

My mum has been avoiding looking through the pictures, because it upsets her, I know it does, so I insisted that she put some upbeat music on (Pet Shop Boys, mums favourite) and to stop when she needs to

Ok… rant over… I’m just going to… go and calm down for a little bit

[fountainpenguin]

tl;dr For 'Fic Followers:

In the upcoming weeks / months, I'm going to be posting for maybe 3 to 4 fandoms at a time.

If you are subscribed to me on AO3 and would like to avoid emails for fandoms you don't care about, I have a post HERE that tells you exactly which series you can follow to get all the updates for the fandom of your choice :)

===

Updates

I recently discovered you're allowed to put essays/meta on AO3, so I think I'm going to copy the five big species overviews from @riddledeep over to an AO3 document sometime soon.

iirc, they're like 20k words apiece, which isn't allowed with the current Tumblr editor, and I've had those posts flagged a couple times for having my body reference images in them (even though they're blobby bodies that don't depict anything), so I do get nervous about losing them and in the past, I wasn't able to edit without them getting flagged, so it would be nice to have a back-up place for them in case they ever get shut down.

I'll probably make another piece for "7 Billion Years in 15,000 words" just because I feel that also qualifies as essay form and it's a piece I really like, and I could probably add Fae Magic as an essay as well.

I think everything else will stay on the sideblog - The sideblog is mostly character profiles, family trees, maps, and the episode timeline and would not qualify as AO3 legality in my mind - but I think these things would be okay and now you know 👍

These posts will still be on the sideblog, just copied

Right now I'm wrapping up One and a Half Birds- 12 of 15 chapters up, draft complete and they post every Friday. My plan is to post the last 2 chapters of Criminal Experience on Fridays after this (They're fully outlined but not finished yet) since Friday was always its update day.

After that, I think I'll post these FOP essays as a cue to my AO3 followers that Friday is being phased out as an MCYT 'fic day in favor of FOP stuff (with Sunday as the new secondary MCYT 'fic day).

For years, I've balanced on that razor edge of knowing my writing has improved a lot lately and that I'd love to tidy up Origin and Knots so they present the lore better and fit my current writing style (which I think is cleaner), but that's a dangerous road to go down, so I've kept moving forward instead.

That's also why I've tried not to get sucked back into the sideblog, as I just really want to wrap Origin and Knots up. Bit of a wake-up call for me when I realized I think when Dog's Life goes on hiatus in a few weeks, it will have outpaced the wordcount of Knots which I started in 2017, wheeze...

I look at Origin and Knots and see them as things we're only 3/5 or halfway done with and it's scary to me considering how much very important stuff I'm balancing (i.e. upcoming Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda relationship pay-off after a very long slow burn; I wrote their first romantic scenes back in 2016) and I hope I do a good job conveying everything right.

Definitely have to grit my teeth and remind myself that "done is better than perfect," though, as I just am never satisfied with it- I had to scrap a lot of things I was excited for because of new story directions, but I think I've pulled everything back together, and I'll be excited to share what I have coming up.

tl;dr - I do love this lore, and as far as I can tell, these long posts would qualify as meta essays and be legal, and that definitely makes me feel safer considering how many times my 20k-word Anti-Fairy culture post got flagged despite the bodies being blue and green, wheeze...

And I've always wanted to write an essay about Lexiconian vs. Hexagonian culture, so I might do that as well, and I'm almost done with my 60k+-word piece about the lore in my MCYT 'fics, so I'm very excited to share :)

Lastly, while this is not lore or an essay, I'd like to copy some or all of my Total Drama 'fics from FFN to AO3, as I discussed in the beginning of the year. I'm thinking I might start moving them in June for Life of a Loser's 11th anniversary.

This 'fic had shorter chapters than what I have now and will probably be updated every few days (Maybe a Mon-Wed-Fri schedule?), which can lead to many emails. So, if you want to limit emails, check THIS post to find out which series to follow for the content you want :)

Closing Note - I have maybe 2 'fics that already have "Here are the series you can follow if you only want updates for this fandom's content" notes in the end notes.

I think I'm going to do a big sweep of all my stuff and make consistent end notes for all pieces. We shall see!

Anyway, thank you!