#h. so. yeah idk idk ill figure it when it comes out it might not even be terribly soon but i can Dream.

[lunar-fey]

sorry in advance for the person i will become when missing link comes out. btw

[bitch-butter]

(Modern!AU Webgott idea. Longish? Will eventually be called true bluish light. Tell me if this is interesting lol

Rated C for mentions of Joe's poor COVID protocol)

* * *

The blackout curtains that hung over the single window in the somewhat narrow bedroom were intensely effective, shrouding the occupants of the bed in a heavy darkness that even the daylight outside could not permeate. The still potent smell of sex lingered over the room, sweat and saliva and everything else casting a gross and homey aroma over the rumpled sheets and discarded clothing along the floor. Just around the edges of the curtain was a thin, white glow, but beyond that absent suggestion of light the room remained dark and still, as though nobody was there at all.

Pulling in a deep breath, Joe admitted he really shouldn’t have been there.

Shouldn’t have stayed the night, at least, if anything for the sake of his own reputation. He’s not typically one to go full spoons with a stranger (or, practically a stranger) no matter how good the sex had been, and he’s definitely never been one to spend the night somewhere that is not his bed. He’s spent years crafting his bed, has read actual magazine articles about how to create the best, most comfortable space, and after many years of hard work he is lucky enough to have created what many have called the Coziest Place in America. Suffice it to say, he does not like to spend a night in someone else's bed and he doesn’t think he needs to apologize for it.

This bed isn’t the worst, though.

And the guy that came with it wasn’t the worst either, he had to say. Joe had been ready to delete the app that led him to this guy and his bed, but it’s funny what a ‘ping’ on a lonely Friday night after nearly a year of no sex could do. Turns out that celibacy has made him into a fucking cuddler.

He’s not all that sorry about it. Keeping his distance from contact with other humans has handily prevented him from catching COVID thus far, and not everybody in his circle can say the same thing, as Tab had caught it first out of all of them via an ill-timed jaunt to Miami and Lip had had it twice now by virtue of his shoddy lungs and over-eagerness to lend a hand to people in his building. But a year is long, and half a bottle of cold Kim Crawford accomplished a lot at diminishing his capacity to give a shit about anything other than getting some attention on his dick. As long as the guy had sworn he tested negative, which he had, and Joe himself had tested negative, which he was, he saw no reason not to waltz into a total strangers apartment to merrily screw for as long as they both could stand to.

And it turns out this guy can stand a lot.

Joe has to admit at least half the reason he spent the night was that he actually was exhausted by the sheer voracity of their fucking. They oughta hand out medals for this shit, or something.

He finds himself smiling as he lets his mind wander over their earnestly passionate exploits of just a few hours past, and proceeds to let his eyes linger on the form of his companion. Though the room outside the warm enclosure of the blankets is a little cool the guy has one bare leg stretched out along the sheets, pressed up tightly against Joe’s own blanketed legs, with the remaining covers bundled against his chest. Resting mostly sideways on his belly, his face is turned towards Joe in sleep, mashed into the pillows and yet somehow managing to look as effortlessly gorgeous as he had looked in his photos on the app. His body moves with deep breaths, the steady inhale and exhale in combination with the sheltering warmth of the blanket nearly lulling Joe back to sleep.

Nearly.

He needed to get up, at the very least to find his phone and check the time. As carefully as he could he extracted his body from the tangle of covers, stepping lightly onto the carpet with his eyes on the other guy's face all the while, mindful not to disturb him. The night before he hadn’t even bothered to check his messages before passing out, and as such headed straight for the amorphous blob of his pants that rested just a foot away from the bed, crouching and reaching into his back pocket to grab his phone.

He hadn’t told Babe where he was going, as he’d only gathered the stones to go circa 11p.m. and he figured Babe was either asleep or performing his Getting Ready to Fuck routine and wouldn’t want to be disturbed. He almost feels sorry for Babe, who had loved the idea of dating a future doctor until this year when the sexiness of it was side-swiped by the actual danger the position entailed. As such, the Getting Ready to Fuck routine had an extra layer of manic energy to it, and Joe knew better than to try and pull Babe’s attention away from the hours preceding Gene’s rare, rare, rare visits to the apartment.

Even so, the amount of message icons he was presented with was unexpected to say the least.

He raised his eyebrows, nearly humming in interest as he noted the time. Jesus Christ, these blackout curtains are really worth their salt if it was nearly noon.

Tapping into his messages, he found a trickle of anxiety rolling down his spine.

FRI AT 11:42PM

Babe

Hey where r u?

I gotta talk to you

SAT AT 12:00AM

Babe

Are you coming back?? Srs need to talk

Feb 5 12:00AM

Missed call/Mobile

Babe

SAT AT 12:02AM

Gene Roe

Hi Joe, it’s Gene. idk if i gave you my number?

Trying to get a hold of you, call/text when you get a chance

Thanks

SAT AT 12:20AM

C h u c k

Babe is trying to find you

Feb 5 12:30AM

Missed call/Mobile

Babe

SAT AT 12:50AM

Speirs Ron

Why am i getting texts at 12:45 at night asking me to find you?

Well, something is fucking happening. And he’s at least 100% sure he wants no fucking part of it because any drama that starts after 11p.m. is the drama of the goddamn devil.

Fighting not to heave an enormous sigh, Joe reluctantly acknowledges that he should pull his clothes on and get out of here if there really is an emergency in the vicinity of his roommate. Looking back over his naked shoulder Joe tries to catch a glance at the guy in the bed, at the length of his bare leg in the semi-darkness, and the angle of his shoulder protruding from the blankets where he curled. He’d happily get back in that bed and go another round or five.

As though alerted to Joe’s presence by the cosmos, his phone begins buzzing in his hand. Huffing in annoyance, he attempts to reject the call at least until he can get out of the room, but throws himself off kilter and bangs his elbow into the bedside table, jostling a glass of water and a pile of paperbacks.

“Shit,” he curses, grasping at his elbow and shooting a glance back to the guy, whose eyes are already open and alerted to the noise.

Damn it.

The guy blinks slowly, bleary, for a moment before pulling his face from his pillows and angling up onto his side. “Hi,” he greets softly, running a hand through his mussed hair.

“Hi,” Joe nods back, grimacing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

The guy shakes his head, looking for all intents and purposes like he means it. “Not at all,” he sniffs, meeting Joe’s eyes in the darkness with a still-sleepy smile. “What time is it?”

“Oh man, it’s like noon.”

Furrowing his brow, the guy nods back before shooting Joe a wry smile. “We tired ourselves out, huh?”

Joe laughs, seeing his phone light up in his hand with a new message. “Speak for yourself.”

At the interested quirk of the other man’s brow Joe hastily gives a shake of his head and stands. “I’ll get out of your hair quick, no worries, just be a minute.”

The guy frowns, sitting up in the bed to let the blankets pool around his hips, hands coming to rest between his legs. “Oh, well, don’t feel like you have to.”

Joe pauses, pants in hand. “Oh, it’s not -”

“I mean, if you want to go then for sure, but like…” the guy waves a hand, pursing his lips before smiling and coughing out a laugh. “Are you hungry? I have eggs, I can make you something before you go.”

He hesitates, eyes pivoting from the guy, to his phone still in his hand, and back to the guy and his open, expectant face. After a moment, he clears his throat. “You know, I could eat.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I could, could you?”

The guy smiles, and even in this mostly dark room Joe can see he has dimples and has to hold himself back from practically swooning, cursing his half-drunk self of the night prior for not remembering exactly how attractive this guy was. “I could use some coffee, is what I can use,” he says, stretching his arms over his head, and Joe is treated to the sight of his bare, bitten up chest. Usually he doesn’t take much notice of his partner's body hair, but as he lets his eyes trace over the guy's chest and legs as he moves to stand he finds himself clearing his throat and getting a little warm along his neck.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” he responded distractedly, pulling his eyes away from the luscious sight of the guy's ass as he bends to retrieve his underwear and instead moving to put his own on. After a second thought he pulls on his shirt as well; might do him some good if he finds himself flushing up at just a glimpse of this guy's ass.

As he slips his shirt over his head, the guy turns to him with a bit of a sheepish look on his face. “Can I admit something?” he asks, lips scrunched.

Joe pauses, still grasping the hem of his shirt. “What?”

“I…” he starts, before chuckling somewhat awkwardly. “I don’t totally remember your name...”

A fair bit of relief surges through him at that, and Joe finds himself huffing out a laugh of his own, and adds another one at the half-embarrassed and half-expectant smile the guy gives him. “Can I admit something back?”

“What?”

“I don’t remember yours either.”

The guy's eyes widen minutely, before he tips his head back and laughs, nodding gently as he rubs a hand over his face. “Is it bad manners to say that’s a relief?”

“I think it’s alright as long as neither of us care,” Joe said, pushing his hair back, before stepping up to the guy and extending a hand. “I’m Joe.”

The guy grasped his hand in a sure grip. “David,” he replied with a little shake of their hands, before leaning in and pressing a dry kiss to Joe’s cheek. “Nice to meet you.”

Joe turned his face into David’s, catching his lips in a tender, if chaste, kiss. “Nice to meet you.”

[myjjbaby]

okay so a jj request where the reader has been keeping it a secret from jj that she’s epileptic (they’re dating) and then one night when they’re at a party and jj gets into a fight and she gets really overwhelmingly stressed from trying to get him to stop that it triggers a seizure, maybe like only kie knows she’s epileptic or something?? idk i totally get it if u aren’t comfortable writing this i just love ur writing and yeah ((:

i didn’t know

author’s note - guess who’s back, back again!! here’s a request surrounding mental illness and I just want to note that I am in no way intending to romanticize epilepsy or seizures, I just think that someone could really benefit from having a story that might fit with them and including a form of comfort through writing. big thanks to @jjmaybanx for her help because she helped me figure out a way to best portray what I wanted to get across.

synopsis - requested by anon! you kept a really big secret and it all crumbles away along with your so called perfect day.

warnings - epilepsy, seizing, underage drinking, fighting, overall angst for 1.6k. if any of these topics are possibly triggering to you please don’t read and if you have any concerns including me feel free to reach out.

Today was a perfect day. The sunrise was peeking through the window of John B’s spare room when you woke up, your blue eyed boy wrapped around you. You spent the better half of the morning admiring his peaceful features, blushing when he caught your stare.

“Morning, baby,” he smothered your cheek with an open mouth kiss, giggles erupting as he wrapped you in his arms, “you liking your view.”

You hummed lightly in agreement and continued to stare lovingly at your boyfriend. He traced your face with calloused fingers, brushing along the bridge of your nose as he watched you flush. JJ pulled you into his chest and your head rested comfortably on his collarbone while he kissed your hair.

“C ‘mon lovebirds, time to catch the waves.”

JJ groaned at John B, throwing an empty beer can at the door.

“Fuck off, let me hold my girl. It’s too early, the waves probably suck anyway.”

“JJ, it’s half past noon. Let’s go,” the brunette threw a muscle tank and a red baseball cap at your boyfriend, “Kie and Pope are already in the van.”

You smiled before trying to slip out of his grip and climb off the navy sheets. JJ caught your wrist in his warm hand, pulling you back into his familiar hold.

“J, we’ve gotta get up.”

He shook his head, curls tickling the underside of your jaw. Not long after, the two of you were packed into the back of the rusty Volkswagen with your boards trapped to the top.

JJ held you in his lap, kissing your neck when you threw your head back with laughter. His hands slipped under the gray fabric top you stole from him and prodded at the bikini strings. You slapped his hand away but he just smirked and continued twirling the purple straps between his fingertips.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” John B’s voice broke through the lively chatter, “let me present to you the finest Outer Banks waves ever.”

And he wasn’t wrong, the ocean was still wild from the surge of the hurricane a few days ago and the curl of each wave crashed beautifully. The Pogues climbed out of the beat up van before unstrapping all of the surfboards, John B and JJ running ahead with loud cheers being carried by the wind. You giggled as you carried your board alongside Kie, stopping just short of the sea. Looking over at the tanned girl, you sent her a wink and a bump to her hip before gliding off after your boys.

“You left a couple waves for me?”

“Of course,” the blonde reached his hand out to squeeze yours, “always do.”

The water was cool, relaxing her muscles, and JJ smiled, watching you absorb the sunshine. You all stayed out on the waves until your fingers were pruned and your eyes couldn’t stay open from the amount of salt water splashed on you.

Drifting back to shore, JJ was quick to grab your hand and bring it up to his face for a kiss. You felt content when John B drove the group to the Boneyard, a metal keg placed between you and Pope. The first kegger of the summer to end a perfect day.

A filled red solo cup quickly found its way into your hand and the bonfire burnt brightly as everyone showed up. Your fellow resident of the Cut, the Kooks from Figure Eight, and those clueless Tourons. You noticed your boyfriend’s grip pulling you back into his chest, successfully stumbling you away from the drunk idiots who couldn’t take a hint when JJ glared at them.

“Bub, ignore them.”

“I can’t.”

You chuckled when he clenched his jaw with jealousy.

“You have no reason to worry,” he hummed, features softening when they set on you, “I’m all yours, J.”

The night seemed to carry on without a hitch until a smooth hand slipped its way over your thigh. The soft skin contrasted the familiar roughness of JJ’s touch. You slipped your body away from the stranger’s eager touch.

“Where you going, girly?”

“Away from you.”

“I think you should stay right here wi-“”

His vulgar suggestion was cut off by a ring covered fist that you could recognize anywhere. JJ pushed you behind him as he overshadowed the clueless drunk boy. You could feel the blonde’s anger coming off him in waves, hand clenching and ripping his arm away when you went to hold him back. Your boyfriend was blinded by anger and his protectiveness over you.

“Stay the fuck away from my girl, you hear that?”

“What’s your problem?”

Wrong move, dumbass. JJ’s back was tense with bottled emotions, his breathing labored as he watched the Touron stand up.

“My problem? You thinking it’s okay to grab my girlfriend or any girl like that, that’s my problem.”

Like a fuse run out, JJ lunged at the stranger as a harsh gasp escaped your throat.

“J!”

He was seeing red, too absorbed by his anger to notice your cries or fastened breathing. Kiara, however, noticed when your hand lifted to your shirt, grasping the fabric as strangled heaves pressed out of your body.

“Y/N? Y/N! Hey, hey, c ‘mon, don’t give out on me,” she watched as you stumbled into a dune, collapsing to the sand, “Y/N? You still with me?”

Kie watched as your gaze fogged over as if you were in a daze. She quickly moved the rocks and driftwood from near you and shouted for Pope or John B’s attention, the two boys rushing to your side.

“Pope, start timing. We’re about five seconds in right now.”

“Timing? That’d only happen if Y/N was having a sei- shit, okay.”

“John B, help me roll her onto her side.”

The two best friends turned you over as your arms began to tremble.

“Eleven Mississippi, twelve Mississippi…”

John B watched on helplessly before realizing JJ wasn’t by your side. Running back into the crowd and pushing through the circle formed around the fight, the brunette grabbed your boyfriend and tugged him towards you.

“Baby? Hey, hey, baby? Kiara? what’s happening?”

“She didn’t- she didn’t tell you,” Kie searched JJ’s panicked gaze for some kind of recognition.

“Tell me what? Kiara? What the fuck is happening?”

“She’s having a seizure! She’s epileptic! The fight must’ve overwhelmed her and triggered a seizure.”

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know,” he mumbled to himself shuffling closer to your frozen body. JJ stared back at Kie before turning to your disoriented figure laying out of the sand. He fell to his knees beside you, grabbing your face to try and comfort you.

“JJ, don’t touch her!”

“What? Why?”

“You can’t just grab her when she’s like this. You need to cool off and wait for it to end.”

“I- I didn’t- I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”

Harsh sobs were pulled from his chest as he gripped his hair tightly. JJ had never felt so useless watching you, the girl he loved, struggling and he didn’t even know how to help you.

“W- Wh- What just, what just h- happened?”

Kie sighed when she watched you slowly come out of your stunned state. You glanced around bewildered not knowing where you were or how you got there.

“You had a seizure, Y/N. There was a fight and it just stressed you out,” she watched the panic cross your face again, “hey, it’s okay. Everyone is okay. You’re okay.”

You quickly scanned the group in front of you until your eyes landed on tear filled blue ones. You breathed in a short gasp seeing your boyfriend so torn up in front of you.

“JJ?”

He slowly inched towards you until he pulled you onto his lap like countless times before, but this time felt different.

“Could we have a minute?”

JJ glanced up at his friends before they all nodded and stepped away, clearing the infamous beach of the wandering partygoers. You didn’t dare look back up at the blonde boy, hating the pained look you knew would greet you if you did.

“I- I’m so sorry,” you fiddled with your fingers until he slowly gripped your own, pulling you deeper into his frame.

“Y/N, this isn’t something you can just keep from me.”

“I know, I know and I really am sorry. It was unfair of me to keep something like this from you. I just wanted to be normal.”

JJ nodded slightly, pressing a tender kiss to the crown of your head.

“I felt so hopeless. I didn’t know what the hell was happening and when I tried to help I just made it worse.”

“That’s my fault,” he vigorously shook his head, “yes, it is. I love you and should’ve told you.”

You sat in silence, JJ’s legs slotted between yours, his chin resting on top of your head. You leaned back and pressed your lips to his temple and the blue eyed boy returned the gesture with a soft smile. The silence was peaceful and perfect until JJ shifted to look down at you.

“Do you think I could get away with using the internet at work?”

“What? Why?”

“Hurricane knocked the towers down and I need to do some research, so I can take care of you.”

“I love you, J.”

“Love you too, baby.”

[botheredbuck]

hi i love your writing, could you talk about trans!callum pls that bc owns my entire heart.

y'all really know how to make me ramble huh

(of course!! honestly trans cal owns my heart too. and thank you im so glad you like my writing!!)

okay so i can't remember if ive talked about this before but i actually have this hc that callum went into the army in the closet. like when he enlisted he signed up as a 'woman' even though he knew he wasnt (he didn't like,,, know he was trans yet i think because he didn't have the terminology for it growing up around his family but he knew he wasnt 'like other girls' so to speak) because at that point enlisting was just about getting away from his dad, and running away from the problems he had at home. and then he meets chris in the army and like, chris figures him out pretty quickly and like asks callum about it except he freaks out. but like him and chris get talking and they get really close, and chris starts to kinda talk to cal about queer stuff and like casually slips in about trans people and instantly callum is just like - that's right. that's - that's what i think i might be. and so like they go from there and callum is just 'h' to chris (because he hasn't picked out a name he liked yet) and when it's just them callum's 'he' and all that. and like that's why chris only calls callum 'h' in his letters to his sister because he doesn't want to disrespect callum by saying his deadname but he doesnt have another name so he's just 'h'

and then when callum leaves the army it's his fresh start. its his new life and he's headed to walford and he's callum

oh and mick first finding out though!! so obviously when they first meet it's kinda under,,, unfortunate circumstances so callum is very much just halfway but they kinda get to know each other again and mick's noticed he's been acting weird and stuff so he sits him down and kinda asks callum how he's been, how life's been and stuff as a kind of casual way of asking about things. and then he refers to callum with his deadname and callum just says actually, that's not me any more. and like its an accident when he first says it and he freaks out because the carters and the vic is about the only safe place he has left and he thinks he's ruined it and he tries to leave but mick just makes him sit down, makes him a hot chocolate and asks him to explain because i ain't no whipper snapper any more, kid, i got an old brain, you gotta spell things out for me and like callum very almost doesn't, like tries to shrug it off but mick just lays a hand on his arm and smiles and it feels like home and if callum cant be himself here then where can he?

so he tells mick about all these feelings he's got, about this bloke he met in the army who told him all these things that he thinks might explain a lot and mick's just quiet and let's callum ramble and when he's done he just stands up and pulls callum into a hug and just says in his ear you know I'll always love you, son and callum cries, and mick freaks out because he thinks he's done something wrong and callum's just like happy tears, happy tears

wow uh im a little emotional after that one oops

ooh and also another thing like,,, ben finding out!! idk if ive talked about this before but like bear with me okay. so in my head with trans cal their first kind of,,, being together so to speak goes a little differently so ben doesn't actually know that callum's trans until like after they get together

and callum's completely freaked out about being intimate. because we all know ben's got a bit of a reputation right, when it comes to partners and stuff. and callum's freaking out because he has no idea whether ben's ever been with a trans guy before and like, not even just intimately like just in general, because it sucks but there's a lot that comes with being trans and being trans in a romantic relationship.

so cal doesn't actually tell him for like a while until they start talking about being intimate and they're kissing and callum just like blurts it out and then freaks out and just runs away.

and like he ends up hiding at the park bench for ages bc he just can't face ben because hes convinced himself that the second ben found out he was always gonna run. and like callum's got all these feelings for him already that he doesn't wanna say but he just can't bear to lose him yet so he's just sat on their bench freaking out until ben comes and finds him and just sits next to him and they're both just quiet for a bit until ben says i thought id find you here. think we kinda claimed this bench, didn't we? and callum just like smiles a little and then ben says you know it doesn't bother me, right? i like you because you're kind, and because you're handsome, and because somehow you have the willpower to put up with my bullshit and callum just looks at him and asks how can it not bother you? you're gay and ben says yeah i am. and youre a man. and im a man. think that's pretty gay, dont you? and callum just laughs because he can't help it and then he apologises for running off and they talk and ben just holds him and aw its cute!!

but yeah ill leave it there but thank u so much for the ask!!

ask me about my hcs!!

[krabmeat]

Hey dude. I hope your intrusive thoughts go away, that sucks ass. Remember that I am always here for you!! If you ever want to DM me or anything feel free to do so. But I understand that some things just come to the worst of the worst and please don't think I'm trying to judge or baby you for your decision

I, personally, have never tried s/h. And so I do not really know how to hide it as well as someone else might. However, I think I have some ideas. Again, not experienced in this, so don't think that everything I suggest will work because it probably won't

So depending on where the scars are, if you could find a wide bracelet or something like that, it could work. This could also just be multiple I guess? Hold on let me get a photo of what I'm thinking

Something like this, maybe? I don't know where your scarring is your what your style is so I wouldn't really know how much this will help. Just one of my first thoughts

Also, long gloves. Probably fingerless, because of the summer and all. I think I made a post about it at one point. It might not go with your style and all and I don't know if your scars are open or anything (Band-Aid? Maybe? Idk) but here's what I'm thinking of:

(Sorry if the camera angles or grammar sucks I literally just woke up so sorry again)

But something like that? Mine can stretch up past my elbow and I don't know how high yours go or anything

And I guess if you really can't do anything like that, do you have concealer? Or any type of makeup that could cover it temporarily? Just for days when you're out on the town or something

You could blame Band-Aids on the cat if you have one, I guess? Maybe the dog? I don't know. It's normal for people to wear band-aids, isn't it? I don't know how many you have, so that may get a little suspicious

Yeah I really am no expert in this so sorry if all this amounts to jack squat. I could always ask my friend because they're pretty cool and open about the whole thing since it's kind of behind them and all, but idk

Please remember that I am always free to talk to if you need it! My DM's are open and we might be able to figure something else out if that's not enough or fast enough at the moment. I love you/p bud, remember that:) I hope things get better

- Ink

oooooh gloves !!! thats actually super clever woah-- /gen /pos

i could try concealer if worst comes to worst, I just don't want the cuts to get dirty and infected yknow? i do live with a big dog!! and since we visit the house sometimes I could also try to blame it on the smaller dog! ahhhh, this is super helpful tysm ink :'DD ahh but you dont have to ask your friend, I wouldn't wanna bother :]

thank you for the dm offer, ink! ill take you up on that if I ever need it. the same offer is always open for you az well :]]]

[dazaaaaaaaai]

Can we get a couple of how Dazai, Atsushi and Ranpo (separately) would treat their s/o? :3c

ok ok so I wasn’t sure if you meant treat as in how they would treat their s/o as in how they would like, behave towards their s/o in a relationship or like how they would treat their s/o to like dinner or something idk lmao (I’m not even sure if this makes sense. Engrish is h a r d). i kind of went with the first, but it kind of turned into general relationships hcs , sorry. I do hope you will enjoy it tho because I kind of overdid it lol 

How Dazai, Atsushi, and Ranpo would treat their s/o: 

They areall good boys and would treat their s/o well!!!!!

Dazai

Dazai hastrouble letting his guard down around people since he has a hard time trustingpeople. He’s really afraid of being disappointed by people. He doesn’t wantpeople to be the superficial people they too often end up being in his eyes.Although, if he’s serious about his relationship with his s/o, and if his s/ois serious about trying to understand him, then he would gradually lower hisguard and he would allow his s/o to at least attempt to unravel him. Dazaidoesn’t fully understand himself, having someone trying to understand him isweird for him. Building a good, healthy relationship with his s/o is going totake time. Trust is important in relationships but Dazai really needs to workon it. Dazai would never treat his s/o badly but warm feelings for someone andbeing accepted for who he is, is new for him, so in the beginning of arelationship there might be some reluctance from his side. This does not meanthat he’s going to treat his s/o badly. No, he just does not completely trustthem as of yet but he really is working on it. He does want this relationshipto work out.

Dazai isn’tthe type to just start a relationship (Although he definitely is the type to sleep around a lot).  He doesn’t even like himself a whole lotso he likely wouldn’t understand why someone would actually like him. He mighteven be afraid of himself, afraid of being even less a human than all of thepeople in the world. His s/o would probably (unless they are assholes and soonto be dumped) really come to accept him completely for who is and it would makeDazai so so happy.

Woulddefinitely do everything for his s/o and would be willing to die for them. Hewouldn’t just tell his s/o that though, but his s/o would just know that theymean the world to him. Dazai isn’t the best at conveying his own emotions eventhough he is really great at reading others. Still, through small gestures andremarks, through the soft look in his eyes, through letting his s/o in, his s/owould know what and how much they mean to him.

Dazai willgrow fiercely protective of his s/o. He will use his wits to his advantage ifanyone even dares to hurt them. He will and sure that they regret it for therest of their lives.

Dazai isvery observant and if his s/o is having an off-day/not feeling well, he willdefinitely notice and will do everything to make his s/o feel better.

He’s stilla brat though. He’s a huge tease and would definitely try pranking his s/o just towind them up. He loves pushing buttons. He thinks it’s cute when his s/o reactsto his pranks and his teasing, but he does not mean any ill will and knows whento stop but he just loves to push buttons just a little. He won’t cross the line but he will try to come as close to that line as possible. 

Would enjoybuying his s/o gifts every now and then. None of his s/o’s most secret desiresare a secret to him. He will definitely notice when his s/o quietly eyes a niceblouse just a bit longer than usual while they are quickly passing by thewindow of a shop. He will never get enough of the look in your eyes when hebuys them exactly the right thing.

Will show he cares through lots of spur-of-the-moment stuff like impromptu dates. If a great idea for a date just pops up in his mind he would be really excited to just do it and he will definitely make you drop whatever his s/o is doingand will take his s/o on the date! He loves taking his s/o anywhere really.

Woulddefinitely allow his s/o to use and take belongings that he normally wouldn’tlet anyone else use, like his headphones (but they shouldn’t use his headphonestoo much because they can’t hear him talking when they’re listening to musicand Dazai would definitely hate not getting enough attention from his s/o.)

Atsushi

Atsushi wouldprobably have no dating experience at first and would be at a loss. He’s the typeto freak out about lots of things will definitely kind of suck at the communicationspart of the relationship at first.

He mightnot pick up all of his s/o’s habits at first and he might misinterpret someactions and conversations. If a date for example doesn’t go as planned, he willpanic. He’s quite prone to overthinking, but that’s just mostly because of hisown insecurities. Will do his best to make up whatever mistake he thinks he hasmade, but chances are that his s/o didn’t even make a big deal out if it in thefirst place.

Will alwayswalk his s/o home, even during the day. He’s protective and he will lose it ifanyone dares to touch his s/o. Also, he just really likes chatting with his s/owhile walking somewhere and will try to compliment his s/o a lot, but not toomuch of course. Like a good boyfriend he doesn’t want to overcompliment themand come off wrong or weird.

Will growmore confident in himself in the relationship over time and will really open upand become so comfortable with just completely being hundred percent himself around his s/o and just tell his s/o all the small things he notices during the day that aren’t really big, but still interesting to him in some way and he will also really open up about his past in the orphanage. He will make sure that his s/o will be totally comfortable with being themselves around him. 

As time passes by he will have figured outhis s/o pretty well and will know how to make them flustered and he might evendare to tease them! He just really likes his s/o!

He’s really big on morningtexts and good night texts! He never forgets to text!  Not really the type to call unless it’surgent. His first thought in the morning and before bed will be about his s/oand he will let them know that. To Atsushi, it’s the little things that count! (Bonus points for his s/o if his s/o beats him to texting them in the morning or before bed!)

Lovestreating his s/o to whatever with whatever money he can miss. Will buy smallpresents and take them out for dinner whenever he can. He, too loves seeing the smile on his s/o when he buys them exactly the right thing. 

Ranpo

Ranpo likelyhasn’t been in many serious relationships, if any at all. So even though Ranpowould really want to treat his s/o well, he might not… As in, he’s a deeplytraumatized individual still acting like a child while he’s already 26. (Noshade! Don’t kill me)

Once he’sin a serious relationship with someone, his inability to perform well in aneveryday situation might actually frustrate him. Ranpo is often blunt, to thepoint of actually being rude. How he was to be perceived by society isn’tsomething that would really bother him (if he even notices. No, I think hedoes, but it’s not of high enough importance. His childish nature is probably acoping mechanism and welcome to another episode of all the bsd character need mentalhelp). He can’t do simple things like taking the subway either and those thingsmight complicate a modern, mutual, healthy relationship. Yeah, it will definitelyfrustrate him. It might frustrate his s/o. If he’s serious about his s/o and hewill be, then he will try. He will try his so hard to the point he mightactually break down at some point when he fails to not completely mess up thefairly easy recipe for boiled tofu again or when he’s a bit insensitive againto his s/o because he just really notices everything about them and he justcannot not notice.

So hetries. He tries really hard. He notices everything about his s/o. He deductseverything there is to know about their s/o from the way they put on theirshoes, to the way they advert their eyes while being teased, from the books theyread, etc. He will know when his s/o is not feeling well and will try so hardto make them feel better, but in the beginning he might not always be assuccessful, because not everyone loves his snacks as much as he does, but hewill learn over time. That’s a given. He will improve.

One day hemight actually take his s/o on the subway to show off just how well he knowsthe subway (he memorized the maps and knows every station) and he will cook hiss/o their favorite food someday without setting the kitchen on fire and he willdefinitely grow to know exactly when not to push his s/o’s buttons.

He will getthere and will be the best detective and the best boyfriend in the world! (Justbe there for him s/o don’t be a fucking coward!!!!!!)

He willalso really like sharing snacks with his s/o. One of his favorite dates will definitelybe just buying a shitload of snacks separately and then sharing them all togetherwhile sitting on his bed or something. 

y’all i really overdid this. don’t expect all my posts to be this long, especially when more than 1 character is requested. Also I’m not really content with Dazai’s and Ranpo, I can’t really figure them out as of yet.

I also didn’t proofread because I’m lazy and I probably wouldn’t be satisfied if I did proofread and change everything  but I do hope you enjoyed, anon. I did enjoy writing it tho yeeeeeeeeeeehaw

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

“i had a dream about the Borderlands are Yours trailer last night for like the 7th time so i guess i ought to do the analysis before i have a breakdown”

find the trailer here

~discussion of the cloth map spoilers occurs in here, but nothing else. if you’re worried about those spoilers do not read~

non-spoiler tl;dr: we discuss why rhys’s head implant is yellow instead of blue in this one particular scene and also go thru a bunch of theories as to what tf is up with Zer0. and some other stuff about giant space lasers

so the intro is pretty much the same as the we are mayhem trailer so we’re gonna ignore that since we figured out where sanc-iii was

pretty sure this scene has been shown already too, in the official announce trailer, i remember taking note of the pink shots

another cov camp on pandora (see elpis in the back). ive said it before and ill say it again i adore amara’s as animations

seen this a bajillion times as well

from we are mayhem near the end. also im still lowkey convinced that robot directly to the right of moze is jakobs. i know i’m probably wrong but... i want to believe. it reminds me of a cowboy

The Are. this is directly below Sanc-III (u can see the wall in the background)

eden-6!!! im interested in the signs in the back there

Prison, Reliance, Jakobs Estate, and... amoe kyuri??? wtf does this say?? idek.

This A Way (glad to know Claptrap will haunt us from beyond Sanc-III)

im interested in the Prison. i wonder if that’s any of those concrete structures/buildings we’ve been seeing across eden-6. i was under the assumption those were like testing facilities, but a prison would also make a whole hell of a lot of sense.

actually

given this sign here over the bridge to the left of the above shot

and the fact we see this concrete structure on the far left in this coming shot

that might actually make some lick of sense...

also can i just say i love the aesthetic of this supply line

so there’s a lot of shots here we’ve already seen and gone over multiple times, im not going to do that again. sorry but... eh.

maliwan = cultists confirmed

i mean if the cult-themed t-shirts being maliwan colored didn’t already cue us in on that, this definitely should lol

and speaking of this shot, i wonder if this has anything to do with Rhys’s building? the one his office would be in. it looks like there are multiple levels to the right of this robo

ah maliwan working with the cult why am i not surprised

rhys gets fucking annihilated (TM)

in all honesty... given this quest name

“Space-Laser Tag” and the subsequent quest “Atlas, At Last” makes me honestly think rhys is about to seriously get fucked up

which sucks. i like rhys. we’ll talk more about this in a second, but i don’t think its coincidence the VHs have come up to the asteroid belt to stop the giant space laser and thus are not on Promethea where the laser is going to hit

better look at this shot, that definitely looks like a rampager to me. i get it, i think. gearbox is hyping up this rampager fight to be super awesome, show it in all the promotional material, have a kickass fight with it, then the twins come in and steal the kill from you. they steal the satisfaction from getting to kill this super hyped-up vault monster.

im picking up what you’re putting down, GB. 

did not realize fl4k actually snaps. how the heck do they do that?? gotta be hard with metal caps as their fingers tbh

404 space station not found

we’re back on the asteroid

... why this gun shoot tentacles :|

this is art

wheres his head going

i was so distracted by the razor blade status effect (??? zeroes??) i didn’t notice the giant-ass A on this banner

OwO what’s this for

~A~

also this which... looks like it could be an amara skill. maybe the one that releases elemental projectiles after an enemy is damaged? feel like we would’ve seen that one already tho.

thinking of this one, im pretty sure we should’ve seen this in one of the many, many gameplay videos (im so jealous) already available.

so if it is, baller, if it’s not, im not too surprised.

it does also seem to be targeting the double cause its shield becomes visible after being hit

i thiiink this is eden-6? in which case it may be that facility tina, brick, and mordy are in (the windows). which may, in retrospect, be that prison we’ve been hearing about

cool angle of the HBC. im pretty sure we’ve seen this shot before, too.

before we get to the actual best part of this scene

this looks very Athenas-like. possibly eridian? although the lights are throwing me off. i suppose the order or someone from the order could’ve built these structures... but what for??

heheheh

also this fucker has those rocks growing out of his head, too

the ones from the alien guns

somewhere outside the RC

back at it again in the space station

also this maliwan thing looks so fucking cool

duuuude looks like the cult got their hands on more than just maliwan hoverwheels, check out that dropship on the left!!! looking cool asf

the cars are STUNNING

holy shit this skin is amazing

very siren-esque

we’ve gone over this clip already but given now that we know the maliwan base thing is on the asteroid, it’s fitting to re-address it i think

a look at one of the metal bois (that im still convinced are jakobs lol)

i love the way this thing looks

the portal seems to be giving off the same blue sparkles we’ve seen on pandora

these

[edit] we also see them in the newest new trailer as Sanc-III zooms off into space. which is interesting.

dunno wtf that means, but yeah. they exist

probably some weird eridian/other dimension shit.

more eden-6

goliath looking amazing. not red and is wearing a helmet, so that’s interesting

looks like a part of the space station

biggggg hallway. im honestly loving how huge these maps seem to be

geniviv! i love her boss fight sooo fucking much.

honestly looks like so much fun

more c a r s

this fucker

probably eridian

i mean it seems to be absorbing the pink-ish energy from the moving stones so i assume its got some sort of link going on

also comparing the mask and arm bit to what we’ve seen rhys hand us on promethea

this thing???

but yellow instead of pink

u kno all this

ye

then again it does sorta ruin the eridian tech so maybe... it’s not lol

honestly my other guess is this is part of that ‘experimental forest’ we’ve seen signs for during the eden-6 demo. dunno why it’s destroying the eridian ruins tho. maybe those pink b e a m s are hurting it? entirely possible. some sorta... life succ ability like Tyreen.

but i don’t think it’s coincidence this thing has shown up right on top of some Eridian ruins/buildings/whatever. the leftmost part though looks like it could be human technology, which is weird. maybe some weird sort of mish mash. human tech that trees/plants grew onto and eridian ruins accidentally powered up. iunno man. im tiored.

rhys’s implant is glowing orange/yellow-ish which is very new

this is from the dev trailer (not glowing at all in the darkness)

from the promethea twitter trailer

and honestly that’s pretty wild to me because in tftbl rhys’s implant glows blue 

shown when he’s in the vault next to fiona

in bl3 during the We Are Mayhem trailer while using his ECHO eye

oh also since i just noticed

from the promethea demo

this scene

also from the promethea demo

they’re missing their monomolecular edge!

we’ll get back to zer0 in a secco

anyway you know who else’s head implant glows?

im not saying katagawa is replacing rhys because their implants are on opposite sides of their heads, but i am saying Katagawa WANTS Rhys in Maliwan and... well, Rhys’s forehead implant isn’t glowing yellow in any other shot we see of him

idk gamers i just think its sus

also rhys is holding onto that thing we see him handing to us in the Promethea trailer

this thing?? you know?

the eridian thingie majig

tho these look like two different areas... unless there’s like a very drastic wall change between angles (which there may be- these fans look identical)

which makes sense that Maliwan would want it (for the big laser thing maybe?? since we know they’re going for activating said laser)

... but honestly i get the feeling this is in some way related to... after the laser. especially since we know that that eridian thingie matches up with this one on pandora

in which case... wtf is the laser for? it definitely looks like its destroying stuff on the surface...

rhys also seems to have knowledge about the eden-6 vault key since he projects it during the dev trailer

me thinks someone got h a c k e r o n i e d

alright galaxy brain theory time:

rhys gets hacked by maliwan not only bc they want a merger, but also because he has info on the vaults/giant space laser, forces zer0 to be maliwan branded now since atlas is joining maliwan, zer0 finds out rhys is not willingly joining maliwan and is instead under maliwan control and tries to forcibly take the key away from him, we stop zer0 and save rhys from both the assassin and maliwan control

🤷‍♂️

Alright but in all seriousness there’s only 2 ways this can go

1. that’s actually our zer0

2. that’s actually not our zer0

and there’s a lot of theories running around about that and i guess we ought to address them

so for 1 there’s a few possibilities:

1. zer0 is a robo/cyborg and got hacked by maliwan (i personally don’t like this one bc i don’t want to know what zer0 actually is. it is a ~m y s t e r y~)

2. zer0 got paid more money to eliminate rhys and is doing so

3. zer0 decided killing their boss would be the ultimate challenge and thus decided to try it out... by joining maliwan

4. they’re faking rhys’s death and/or zer0 is infiltrating maliwan

5. zer0 got the brainwashed/their bodysuit got hacked (i would be interested to see if the monomolecular edge tech caused them to get captured or smth. i mean if there’s a tracker on it, then zer0′s decepti0n wouldn’t exactly work cuz they turn invisible... but they’d still be seen)

6. rhys got the brainwashed/hacked and zer0 is attacking him to get the eridian thingie/key/relic/whatever back

personally i’m curious how they’d play off 1-3 given Zer0 and Rhys are both shown on sanc-iii and zer0 even has crew challenges

im saying idk if the crimson raiders would appreciate zer0 attacking/trying to kill an ally without very good reason.

which is why i’d imagine 4-6 are the more reasonable answers?

also given the explosion of Promethea (what we’re assuming is Promethea) is green and also the laser we see maliwan controlling is purple, i wonder if that’s some brainwashing juice instead of... other stuff. cuz like.

this is elpis’s giant space laser. very radiant and like... ribbon-y? and has all that blue stuff and orbs and mm.

THIS is Promethea’s very solid and has circles and just. looks straight up like a death laser.

and yeah again it could be modified by that human-looking (?) tech around it to be like a brainwashing b e a m or something

or just more precise. that too.

and honestly idk if this could destroy a planet like how we see the planet (that we are assuming is promethea bc of the asteroid belt) in the sanc-iii article

it’s a solid ‘yeah that’s more likely than my theory’. might take a lot of time tho. or maybe those energy rings power it up or deal more damage when they hit the planet...

oh also given Tina literally says “WE blowing up this whole mother humpa”

and the reason im questioning the human-looking tech around it is because

typhon and leda 100% noticed something here. i guess if it was altered by humans after typhon and leda found it then that would make sense?

we’ve also got this from the tree guy, so i don’t know for certain.

anyway number 2

(2. that’s actually not our zer0)

i love these ones

1. that’s 0ne (zer0′s assassin’s assassin from the son of crawmerax dlc)

2. maliwan made a/hired a copy of zer0 and it’s easy to copy their voice/way of speech bc of the modulator (that’s just a fake implanted into atlas to steal all their secrets)

and all of these have the idea that the real zer0 shows up to save rhys at the end of this scene (explaining the blue light)

this

i personally disagree on that being zer0′s sword. tbh it looks more like a maliwan weapon or a laser or smth to me. that said it could be a weird effect because they’re in decepti0n or smth.

most of these theories have the idea that the real zer0 is either off with Fiona or Lorelei or just off on their own and only show up later. i wouldn’t even be surprised, given their line at the end of Tales. you know the one where they diss rhys like “i was talking to her” lol

so i don’t really have much to add to these. personally i believe that’s our zer0 up there, but i wouldn’t be shocked if something happened with the monomolecular edge that allowed maliwan to create a copy of zer0. or brainwash/control them. whichever. 

i do like the reintegration of 0ne into the story, that’d be a hilarious call-back, but i worry it’d be too obscure (a side quest in a headhunter dlc) for the majority of players. we’ll see

it’s weird if brainwashing or mind controlling thru the maliwan tech is the case bc the monomolecular edge isn’t present on their maliwan sword. or their future sanc-iii sword (but that part DOES make sense bc why would they keep that).

(alright also so i just took a bunch of nyquil cuz im sick as a dog so if this devolves into incoherent rambling im so sorry)

ah aurelia

i love her to bits but i don’t trust her because i mean... she worked alongside Nisha and Wilhelm and Alistair dislikes her. there’s like a 50-50 shot she’ll become evil

i would not be surprised if this is a boss fight (door looks frozen over on the left there) but also i would not be surprised if she’s helping us fight off waves of enemies given it looks like we’re in the jakobs manor

like i said 50-50

her attack does make the camera wiggle a bit, usually that happens if the attack injures the player viewing it (with the hud off) cuz it will give a stagger effect

so take that with a grain of salt. also we don’t see aurelia on sanc-iii when hammerlock and wainwright are both there in the group shot in the launch trailer

this fucker i already talked about a bunch in my reddit post on the eridium subject so im going to link that here. i might have already spoken about it on here tbh... i can’t remember lol

anyway here’s the copy and paste from there to here

you can see a huge Tink with Eridium growing out of his head and what look to be Eridium horns. And he's being elementally charged from an Eridian floor tile (in one of those temples, probably the Pandoran one but it could be Athenas, I guess). Kind of like how Bloodwing (also bigger) becomes elementally charged by Jack using element-throwers to change her element. i know it's a cultist tink because on his right shoulder (our left) he has those glow-y pink/purple tubes that are on the CoV guns and other cultists (like goliaths). and while i'm not sure if this is solely Eridian stuff (since they're in a temple) or because of the twins, it's definitely something that should be talked about. 

wait no yeah i did talk about this because of the athenas post. i just remembered lol

uhhh whoops. double dipping i guess lol sorry

still not sure if this is Pandora or Athenas. kind leaning towards Pandora atm

i like how this guy is able to make a cryo wall thing

he goes to smash it but we don’t get to see what happens cuz it cuts to another rampager

dishing out corrosive/radiation (??) attacks while someone shoots it with a fire weapon

this bamf which i KNOW i discussed in that athenas post

also something i haven’t noted is that his roar seems to be activating something here, like a spiral light of dooooom. also more blue sparkles. maybe summoning an assist? or a debuff/attack aoe. 

there is also this weird light near its legs that moves with the camera and sorta reminds me of the weird real-life face talky siren thing. you know the one

very curious as to what this is cause i haven’t seen it in any other scene with a rampager in it. maybe some sort of connection to the spiral/whirlwind thing it’s making?

oh wow im tired now lol

well bl3 is fully downloaded on my computer gamers, so we can officially say it’s happening!!!

[sixcastappreciation]

sixcago gave me my gay rights

alternative title: review of the evening sixcago show on july third

this is like almost 4k and its mostly just rambling but i need to express how much i love sixcago

like at least half of this is just me being gay so i bolded some of the things that i found really interesting and isnt just me like, freaking out

so to start off: holy shit. the energy of the entire show was amazing, it was really funny and fun and the acting/dancing/singing was on point like i cant think of a single complaint on the part of any of them.

so to get into the actual show

ex wives

when the curtain came up and the smoke started pouring out i actually felt my soul leave my body it was such a good moment

less than thirty seconds in brittney mack made eye contact with me and i swear to god my heart stopped and i honestly had trouble focusing on the rest of the song

i am not exaggerating that is the whole truth and nothing but the truth

shes............. literally so good im still shaking as i write this like three hours later

the third repetition of the rhyme where they all sound kinda pissed off? they nailed that

adrianna was so cute when she said “you wont try that again”

andrea holy shit. thats really a wrap on that

abby got that like, kinda head in the clouds thing that i feel like is janes Brand during this part

when he saw my portrait he was like JaaAAaaa

i love brittney mack

courtney knew what she was doing with that prick line. get it girl

anna has the most angelic voice i swear to god

the six of them work really well together on stage???? like i know its all choreo and stuff but you could Feel the energy that they had together it was good

oh man the choreo for the end. im so gay

intro thingy:

adrianna with that riff!!!!! we stan

annas face after “herstory” was iconic. she knew what she had done wrong

you couldnt hear the intro for maggie bc people were cheering so loud

the way adrianna says maria made me gay

abby also knows what she had to say. she knows how cursed janes sense of humor is and she was really playing it up

protestent............ protestant

“we’ll tell you what you want what you really really want” this made me laugh so hard i dont rly remember the next like thirty seconds because i was dying

“the biggest.... the firmest......... the fullest..............” im. i cant

no way

“maria” AGAIN adrianna please. please i cant handle it

“OH muy bien aHHah” not to be Lesbian On Main but fuck this was so cute

her emotion during the monologue was SO funny

it was peak, it was so good

she really gets it. i dont totally know what it is but this aragon monologue gets it

when she said “really trying” she did like, a motion. i cant go into more detail but Fuck

so after “move me into a convent” everyone like, gathered around aragon and adrianna did a

well idk what youd call it but a like

her entire torso swung around in a huge circle right before “i dont think i’d look that good in a wimple”

and idk what it was but that part just made me Lose It

adrianna had this way of making it all a little funnier?

like catherine is usually pretty Serious, i think but it felt like adrianna knew she was playing a character who was Like That, if you will, and was kinda leaning into breaking the fourth wall a little

i can probably elaborate if that doesnt make sense

you say its a pity cos quoting leviticus ill end up kiddiless all my life

she said that with such conviction goddamn

oh, he doesnt remember

this was so good

the “sh-”s were really funny

the fucking. i dont know what it is but the *ting*

holy shit

i cant put into words

how much i loved that part

the pause after “i’ll go” was............ expansive

i just checked it was 10 whole seconds

that doesnt sound long but it felt like forever

she went high on “end of my life” and thank u for mine adrianna hicks

the amount of no’s was impressive and im heart eyes for it

adrianna just had really good stage presence

like i caught myself looking at her during the dance breaks of all the songs when i wasnt looking at brittney

it was just so fun to watch her go!

dluh

during the intro of like “yeah, you know, the really important one” andrea was doing some Dumb Shit in the background

like i dont know exactly what it was but she was just like

idk like noodling around in the back

and i caught her eye and she like, smiled a little

the gasps the rest of them did were....... cute

then andrea busted out a full on fucking witches cackle

then she stuck her tongue out and looked like she was taking a selfie and it was so cute

like, her tongue was OUT

“not my thing” had the BIGGEST uwu energy of anything ive ever heard

i thought people were kidding when they said andrea boleyn had uwu energy

they were not

pret a manger barely came across as a real line it was more like, an experience

the sorry not sorry choreo. its so funny and cute and simultaneously cursed

the way andrea delivered her lines here was just

it was like, cutesy and fun but also kind of cursed

uwu

when she said “are you blind” andrea like, gestured to herself, in a like “look how hot i am” kinda way

which might be the standard? either way it made me laugh a lot

don’t be bitter/cos im fitter was the only line in the entire production said with a british accent and it fucking slayed me on sight one hit ko

i actually like that they changed “mate, what was i meant to do” to “wait, what was i meant to do” because

it implies that anne had no other train of thought than the one she was on and thats very funny to me

i think it fits w andreas portrayal too

everyone was like, fake crying when anne fake walked down the aisle and it was really funny imo

and as soon as she got to the end anne like, turned, yk?

bro just shut up

the entire audience gasped after that

andrea had actual like, panic on her face

then she led into “i guess he just really liked my head”

and there was a beat after that, where everyone laughed

it was long enough that everyone got the joke

then she mimed the blow job

her riff on “hell”? iconic

“wait, didnt you actually die” no jane she was beheaded but she was fine

abby seymour said dumbass rights she has the Dumbest Bitch energy god

“catherine of aragon had tragically died” catch adrianna looking like, yeah it was so sad for me, how terrible, right?

then boleyn goes off

the. fury, passion, anger, zest, contained in andreas “MASSIVE-”

“over my dead body” andrea gave her this look like, youre damn right it will be

heart of stone

oof

okay so the monologue

oof

“i was lucky. okay, i was really lucky” o o f

“edwina” is still cursed tho

i dont know what it was about this. i dont know if it was abby, or the dialogue, or just it being live but

this made it clear that jane had been Through It

like, this monologue came across (to me at least) as unquestionably a “woman who was abused trying to justify it to herself” kind of situation

“and that’s not because i was scared,” she said, wearing an absolutely terrified expression

this is where she started tearing up i think

okay i gotta take a moment here because

abby was fully crying before the song even started

like somewhere about halfway through her monologue she started tearing up

i was looking for it specifically

i wrote this before the last part so see above

so by the first fucking like of hos you could hear her voice breaking

holy shit ms meuller what the fuck

im not kidding who gave her the right

at the stagedoor she said that after this she was like, “well thats it for my makeup” when someone complimented her song

she is crying. the first chorus and she is actively crying. in the breaks between her lyrics you can hear her crying

abby went high on a couple of notes in here

she riffed on “truthfully” and it was, wow

she didnt go for the whistle tones which was, honestly? the most relatable thing in this entire show

but a couple of the other notes she went high on and they were so killer

there was a second or two of pause after the end where everyone just, absorbed things before the applause

i have some questions for abby about this actually because i dont know if its just because the monologue was different than im used to but

i just want to know if abby meant to have everything come off like That but god

the mental gymnastics jane is doing here are so intense

this performance genuinely changed how i listen to hos forever

i dont think i can ever peacefully listen to this song again

this song gave me so many layered emotions thank u abby mueller

haus of holbein

hans................................. *holbein*

the chaos

i honestly barely remember most of it it was

i had no idea who to be looking at

but i remember it being beautiful

i dont have the words to express how

fucking funny it was

the accents were hilarious

like they werent great german accents, but that made it far better

they were leaning into the ridiculousness of it all

the way abby said “but we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty” had me on the ground

ive spent the last 24 hrs trying to figure out exactly why it was so funny and i think i got it

she dropped the german accent

and she straight up sounded like she was reading off the side effects of a pharmaceutical ad on tv

the freeze frame? legendary

anna and courtney (im pretty sure?) managed to look so genuinely offended that henry swiped left on them

your highness your highness your highness

god adrianna please

actually every h sound that came out of their mouths

but adrianna Got It

get down

oh god i gotta talk about “didnt live up to his expectations”

brittney like, half took off her jacket and gestured to her body and like, body rolled a bit and honestly? i was fucking dead

the sarcasm really jumped out here. brittney went off in the best way possible

she was fully fake sobbing right before “tragic”

fucking legend

brING me some pheasant!

the woof line is always a good moment but their facial expressions really made it work here

this song has the most outwardly complex choreo (ofc i cant speak to its actual difficulty) and every single one of them crushed it

brittney made eye contact w me again on “looking cute” and im deceased

oh god after “take my fur” she whispered “thank you. honestly” and gestured to herself again and like, i was dying

iirc brittney was like, skipping across the stage or something on “i look more rad” and snapped into position for “lutheranism”

we gotta take a moment to appreciate the operatic talent of that one “get down you dirty rascal” instead of the slo mo

like, ofc the slo mo is a good moment but

brittney went full opera and it was,

wow

shes got a voice on her holy shit

so much talent in such a tiny body

aCHYEAH

she picked the person sitting next to me to dance w her and

they did their cute little dance thing and then brittney gestured like, go sit down, and the person did, then stood back up and started dancing again

not like, in a bad way i dont think

it was super fuckin funny and after the song brittney was like “oh that was cute you think youre funny”

but i heard them talking at the stagedoor and like, brittney was chill it wasnt like a violation of anything

im not explaining it very well but it was really funny in person

everything about her on stage was just, so enrapturing

i dont have too many specific notes about this song because it would probably turn into just, me being gay, which is enough of this already

anyway! get down was good brittney mack is a stellar cleves

her fake crying is next level tho

the confrontation

boleyn, unprompted: i lost my head!

the beheaded cousins high fived after “nice neck” and like, stuck out their necks a bit it was so funny

seymours “i died”

we all know abby is gonna kill her line delivery

but GOD

and then after, she like, realized what she had said and struck a pose like, shit please still think im regal

the line itself was actually pretty, uhhhh, sad

theres something about boleyn roasting khoward in andreas voice

courtney with that “and your songs” had perfect timing

also “when will justice be SERVED” had such good punch to it

after she did that she like

rubbed her hand on janes face

and abby looked SO offended

theres something so, sincere about courtneys delivery of her roasts that i hadnt been getting and its SO much funnier to me

i forget exactly where but at some point boleyn aragon and howard were arguing

and in the background it really looked like seymour and cleves were having a normal conversation and i lost it like. they were just chattin

there were a couple moments of like, cleves and seymour interacting and it was interesting

aywd

courtney! mack! took! no! prisoners!

jesus christ

okay so i dont know if other howards do this or if it was just because i was seeing it live and up close and that made the difference but

for me the most compelling part of this howard was the fear

like yes there was the sadness/anger/etc like there was good emotion but

from the “he says we have a connection” re: henry, and then on, everything about courtneys body language just screamed that she was afraid

idk i might expand on this in a separate post because its a darker topic but yeah. holy shit that was emotional

not a single person clapped after the last line. they all waited until after “yeah, and then i was beheaded” before clapping

like the theater was dead silent. DEAD silent

it was like, so haunting because it was just courtney on stage at that point, with just the white spotlight on her, it was a Moment

im not sure i have the heart right now to get too deep into this

if it would be particularly interesting to anyone feel free to ask, im happy to get more into it but idk its just Emotional

actually this is already so long ima go for it

so on each “we have a connection” it was uhhhh parr and aragon (i think) who each put a hand on like, her clavicle

and for the first two verses she grabbed one of the hands and was like, flirty? ig

but on the one about henry seymour also put a hand around her waist and she like

she freaked out

and listening back to the audio i can

unpopular opinion perhaps but the actual emotion of her on stage didnt come thru in the audio

because it was so physical

like you could see how scared she was

which made it more relateable to me honestly

like she looked so so scared

it was heartbreaking

the confrontation part ii

oh BOOH OO MISTERESSES

“okay catherine, babes” is CUTE fight me

anna looked like, progressively more concerned as that beat went on, and then she just kinda like, deflated? it was really funny tbh

idk her parr feels Different than the parr im used to

during “oh im catherine parr i draw the line in arbitrary places” courtney was playing with her hair it was hashtag cute

BACKING VOCALS RIP CATHY PARR

idnyl

a cute little b flat major 7

yeah anna parr seems

hmm

she seems like she’s just, over henry

like from the start she just has no time for him

idk im Conceptualizing

anna uzele is

her voice is next level

she put survived in the “got married to the king became the one who survived” in air quotes which i think is an interesting note

anna got really physically into the “remember that...” bit of it and everyone in the back was also having a good time with it it was Good

andrea. she stuck her pointer finger between two of her other fingers on her other hand for the “my sixth finger” line and it was SO funny

khoward keeping aragon in line was

not the hot take i was expecting but nevertheless the one we deserved

both for “dissolution of the monasteries” and “well actually”

idk it was a cute character moment

one of *unsure, disgusted, vaguely annoyed* siiiIIIiix

abby was right in front of me and she looked SO uncomf

yeah, i read

iconique

andrea like, threw her head back for this line

the pause after “theres not much we can do about it now” is

painfully long and so so so funny

i was only really looking at brittney but she was like, arms down head up no body language it was SO funny

also her “yeah?” ended my life

she raised the mic up to her mouth while not moving an inch of the rest of her body

the part where they get all meta. has me dead

it was about halfway through this second part that i realized cleves had her coat back. i dont know when that happened. if anyone else knows when exactly anna of cleves gets her coat back after it gets taken off in get down please tell me. i genuinely want to know

this actually distracted me

i got vibes that they genuinely hated henry during this part

first off, mood

secondly, good

annas riffing. god.

she is so talented

dsfjksdf they all straight up left

six

the opening moment is really sweet and kinda funny

abby again killing it with janes cursed lines

courtney howard is actually so cute

when shes not being heartbreakingly sad that is

like her “bye!” was so cute

theyre all so supportive of each other its very cute

megasix

adrianna and abby both looked into my camera and like, i died

at the end anna and brittney were doing some dumb shit as they walked off stage and it was SO cute

after the show

i went to the stagedoor and it was a really fun experience! ive never done that before

it seemed like everyone was being pretty respectful and stuff, thank u six fans for being sane

i got four signatures on my program dklfjsldfjds

abby was such a sweetheart, we actually talked a tiny bit

i told her i loved her line delivery (because uhhhhhh i do) and she said that she tries to get in that comedic timing when she has Those Lines and like yeah

she was seriously the nicest

the ladies in waiting came out as well and everyone cheered for them and lets be real they DESERVE it

lemme sidebar here actually and talk about the ladies in waiting because

they killed it

bessie on the bass was living her best life at literally all times

brittney was also super sweet! i told her she had good energy (because uhhhhhh she does) and she was very nice about it!!!

i didnt really talk to anna or andrea but i got their signatures!

also speaking of my program im still losing my mind over “remembered for: headlessness” and “remembered for: staying alive”

thank u sixcago program

in conclusion! this was such a great+special experience!!! all of the actors were incredible, it was so wonderful

im also not claiming any of this stuff was unique to this performance or to sixcago in general this was just the stuff i noticed as i was watching it. if you clown on this post ill end u

[zombeamik]

OKAY SO BIG RANDOM GAMEPLAY SPOILERS ABOUT DELTA RUNE

OKAY SO BIG BIG BIG BIG SPOILERS DOWN BELOW IF YOU HAVENT PLAYED THE GAME AS THIS WAS MY EXPERIENCE SO i did update this as i was playing so please ignore my spelling mistakes and confusion as i am to lazy to go back and fix it lmao enjoy!! :D

man WHAT i has to stare at their names to figur it out but KRIS IS FRISK AND RALSEI IS ASRIEL AND SUSIE IDK WHO SHE IS BUT WHATEVER BUT WHENEVER WE SAVE IT COMES UP AS THE CREATOR AND KRIS IS GONE AND IM LIKE ??????? SO WHEN AM I SHOWINH UP BUT NO OFFENSE I KNOW IM SUPPOSED GO SAVE EVERYONE AND GOAT MOM AND EHATEVER BUT I LIKE GENOCIDE SOZ NOT SOZ i honestly though kris was chara but then i’m like oh shit they have one yellow stripe OH SHIT DOES IT KNOW I PLAYED GENOCIDE LMAO

but man it’s so cool and i’m happy so

EW CROWN MARIO REFRENCE I HATE THIS GAME LMAO

ok was there a way to finish the crown mario button fight without being pacifist ew

i’m sorry i don’t know how to get exp or love or whatever they call it and i am MAD

when you loved clover but you trying to be mean so you had to kill them D: I AM BAD PERSON BC IT WAS THEIR BIRTHDAY UGH

i love magnus and his hammer head ugh he cute

i like lancer BUT DO U REALLY WANT HIM ON MY TEAM HMM

i charged my mind i love lancer he’s just scared and he wants his papa to live and love.

aND HIM AND SUSIES FRIENDSHIO IT IS GREAT I LOVE IT OK

ALSO HUH LOOK AT THAT ATTACK WOW REMINDS ME OF FLOWEY OH WOW IT WORKS LIKE FLOWEYS ATTACK! WAY TO STEAL AN ATTACK FLOWEY (he don’t exist yet i’m guessing as toriel talked about asriel at the start of the game so prequel to when monsters lived above???)

OH NO I AM SAD AGAIN LANCER ISNT HITTING BACK LIKE GOAT MAMA NOOO DO NT HURT HIM SUSIE

susie is like ok we can talk it out with the king and i’m like WHAT NO IM HERE FOR GENOCIDE I AINT DOING NO PACIFIST

even tho i couldn’t kill the button crown dude whatever honestly didn’t know how lmao

excuse me Rouxls Kaard??!?! ur basically a royal mettaton OK BUT WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SPARKLY THI G DOD I MISS IT OR HUH

ugh gross the shop keeper is Rouxls Kaard MAN EW UR PUZZLES SUCK

KING PLS WHAT HAPPENE TO U??? TO THEM HES A HERO TO ME WHAT THE HELL WHY IS IT COMING OUT OF HIS STOMCH IM SO CONFUSED HELP

you’re much stronger than i envisioned PLS don’t use toriels like thanks i am TRYING to do genocide BHT OK

HUH I DID MOT AGREE TO PUT MY WEAPON AWAY

WHERES MY CREATION I WANT TO MURDER STUFF LMAO

wow i suck i just want to kill everybody and not even do a peaceful way whoops lmao

I KNEW IT HOW FUCKING RUDE MR KING I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU BUT NO AND RHEN YOU FO THAT?!

WAIT IM NOT READY TO LEAVE I HAVENT DONE THE THING IN THE FOREST OR GOT THE KEY WAIT

OH MY GOD WHAT ITS FLUFFYBOY IN COLOUR HUHHE CUTE

UH OH DETERMINATION AWLAWYS HAS TO REUIN EVERYHRJ H

okay yes toby i will leave you be but i wanted to look i the computer lab cri

OH ASGORE IS MY DAD YEAH WE BASICALLY CHARA BUT OUT NAME IS KRIS frisk BUT WHAT AWW

EXCUSE ME ASRIEL IS IN COLLEGE?!

omg did asgore die maybe they had a fight again or whatever but excuse me what happened i want to know.

BURGERPANTS WHY ARE TOU WORKING AS A MASCOT A PIZZA PLCE I MISSED TOU BUT UR JOB STILL SUCKS

and undyne and alphys not together???

IT WAS NICE TALKINGBURGER PANTS BUT THERES SO MUCH TO LOOK ATHOPEFULLY YOU CAN GO TO COLLEGE AND BECOME THAT ACTOR ENJOY MAN

UH NTY I LIKE ASGORE AND TORIEL NOT ASGORE AND UNDYNE AND UNDYNE AND BURGER PANTS EW no offense.

IM SO HAPPY TO SEE ALL MY FRIENDS?? I AM CRYING

DAAAAAD WHAT HAPPENED I CAME TO SEE YOU, YOU OWN A FLOWER SHOP?? AW MAN I LOVE YOU

THAT WAS SUCH A CUTE HUG OMG DONT APOLOGIZE DAD I MKSSED U NO WAIT I LOVE HUGS GIVE ME ANOTHER PLS

huh that’s cool instead of souls he has flowers instead pls don’t tell me we gonna run into evil soul flowers in this game thanks.

oh the flowers toriel used for her wedding are probably the ones in the containers i am sad

RED HORNS?! YOU MEAN DEVIL HORNS WHAT WERE TOU THINKING jk lmao

excuse me mum but if you do not put those flowers in the kitchen and you put them in the trash I AM MOVING OUT

oh i just noticed that my side of the room in really empty and now i am sad, asriel what the hell.

UM

UM

UMMMMMM WHAT THE FUCK OH NO I KNEW IT OH MY GOD UM UM THAT IS BAD BUT OK IT IS GOOD CAUSE THAT EHAT I WANTED BUT OH NO

HELLO I KNEW IT WAS YOU

end of first run lol

starts of pacifist run

also so i’ve replayed it as i’m trying to actually do genocide and pacifist instead of neutral, ill figure it out. but the cutscene when they were falling down tbh could have been my eyes but i swear i saw abit of red on uh chara or mikaela or kris or whatever you want to call them. anyways.

UM

so i’m doing pacifist ugh anyways omg?

but i mean WHAT ITS SOCUTE UGH

anyways if ur doing pacifist o honestly think you gotta fight the temptation to kill everything as the evil character man it’s gonna be hard bc goat mama noticed something was wrong and now we ripped our soul out so UH I MEAN YES SOMETHING IS WRONG. CALL 000 PLS

OK SO PACIFIST IS COOL BUT YKNOW

ANYWAYS I AM GETTING MAD ABOUT THIS SECRET BOSS UGH CAN YOU JUST FALL ASLEEP MAN WHAT THE HELL

I WANNA KILL HIM BUT IVE DONE THIS WHOLE THING PACIFIST SO UGHHHH

OK I GIVE UP I CANT FIGURE OUT THE PATTERN CRY I MAY HAVE TO COME BACK TO IT BUT PROBS NOT I MEAN IS THE ARMOUR WORTH IT OR LIKE

anyways time to continue with pacifist story

ah lovely pacifist ending

no my only question is when chapter 2 comes out i’m wondering if that’s gonna be start of the “genocide route” or where you start gaining levels if you want.

OTHERWISE SUPER COOL YA OK

im sorry i thought i was done with this post lol but that ending gets me everytime i’m still wondering where the soul will go or who will take it bc goat mama is probs gonna see it in there. but i honestly wonder why they turned evil like was it because asriel wasn’t there and mum and dad broke up or was it because of susie even tho she was nice like?????? maybe it was because of the king like spooky king not dad king like maybe they noticed that you can’t trust anyone and like i gotta kill them or. UGH I DONT KNOW. TO MANY THINGS.

OH MY GOD WHAT IF WE WKE UP IN CHAPTER 2 AND MIRDER GOAT MAMA LIKE EXCUSE ME NO THANKS WELL I MENA IVE MURDER HER LIKE 7 TIMES BUT THAT WAS WITH MY CONSENT I DONT WANT MY BABY TO MURDER HER

as someone who loves Chara/whatever you name them/frisk/kris but also loves genocide i can’t say anything to justify their actions as i did nothing wrong and they ripped out their soul and got a knife by themselves so uh IT WASNT MY FAULT

ANYWAY THIS WILL BE THE END UNTIL SOMEOME COMES OUT AND TELLS ME THERE IS A WAY TO DO GENOCIDE SO

if ur waiting for a theory it ain’t coming i mean there might be bits in this but like it’s honestly me screaming LMAO

[regular-lord-reckoner]

so, a dude i used to go to high school with messaged me out of the blue the other day 

and me being me (world’s dumbest bitch award recipient 1990-present) i’m willing to give this the benefit of a doubt 

i mean...me also being the tired bitch i am just flat out asked him why he messaged me (i wasn’t mean about it, but after the chit-chat catch up stuff it’s like...what do you want from me?) 

and basically i guess he’s just in a place where he doesn’t really have a lot of friends in town and he doesn’t really talk to anyone from high school anymore, so he’s reconnecting with some folks and he remembers me being pretty cool, plus a good person to talk to and i guess he’s been having a rough time lately so basically it’s just “hey, wanna get coffee sometime and catch up/talk?” that kind of thing 

which again like...alright 

it wouldn’t kill me to make new friends or i guess in this case reconnect with an old friend even though we were never really that close in high school, but fine 

i’m still...suspicious because i dunno 

it’s weird because when i go out into public and just...exist, guys don’t bother me 

i don’t get flirted with, i don’t get harassed, nobody tries to get my number or anything like that, which y’know...is pretty nice although internalized misogyny has me thinking “damn, i’m really that ugly, huh???” but regardless like...that’s my jam, right? 

any of the attention i ever get is either from dudes online who don’t actually know what i look like or dudes who once had crushes on one of (of multiple of) my friends and after being rejected or realizing it wouldn’t work out they finally notice me and are like, “oh yeah, i guess that’s a girl. yeah, sure why not?” 

which...i dunno if this is a sign of what little confidence i do have or if it’s because i hate myself so much that either way i’m just like -___- about the whole thing because it’s not...genuine, y’know? 

just for once in my fucking life i’d like someone to take an interest in me not as an afterthought or because they’ve exhausted all other options or because they’re lonely but just...because it’s me, y’know? 

call me fucking nuts, but i feel like that’s...part of it? feel like that’s a pretty normal thing to want, idk

i’ve certainly liked plenty of people for who they are and their whole deal in general, not because of like...convenience 

and that’s already something i struggle with anyway because in the past i’ve had friendships that i don’t want to entirely discredit because i still feel like somewhere deep down there was...something there, but that nevertheless got to a place where it was just like...this person only keeps me around because i buy them things and/or am willing to drop everything to listen to/try to help them with their problems, but when it’s my turn it’s like...golly anna, i don’t know what to say. 

which, to be fair, for my kind of problems i really do just need to see a fuckin’ therapist about because i can’t expect my friends to like...deal with trauma i haven’t even dealt with in almost 10 years or have anyone waste their time trying to rationalize my irrational thinking when we both know no matter what’s said or done...i’m still gonna be super mentally ill about it so like...there’s that 

but especially when it’s anything to do even slightly pertaining to relationships or just...anything it really sucks to feel like the only time anyone wants anything from me in that department is as a last resort

because at least for the shitty friendships i’ve had, i’ve also had good friendships where try as my mind might, i don’t think i’m that person who’s only there because like...might as well, y’know? 

but with relationships and shit like that...no, i don’t have that reassurance 

and again, you can say “oh but anna, you just don’t see the full picture!” but honestly, H O N E S T L Y i don’t think anyone’s ever taken a genuine interest in me because if they have, it’s fuckin’ news to me, it’s never been brought to my attention and that’s not even me being oblivious like...it’s just not there 

at best, i’ve had some promising conversations on places like okcupid but shit tends to fizzle out pretty quickly and it never amounts to anything 

and again, i guess i’ll...give myself some credit here because i could definitely see how all things combined a dude just messaging me and maaaaaaybe being interested would theoretically be enough for me to be like “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!!!!” but i’m mostly just...tired. 

i dunno

it may turn out dude just genuinely wants a friend and he’s casting out a net to people he thinks are cool and just trying to reconnect with people. i get that. 

i obviously love my online friends and i love my real life friends, but i don’t get to see my online friends that much and even my real life friends all live like ~2 hours away from me, so it’s not like i can just get off work and go meet up to hang out just whenever and for the most part, that’s fine, i’m not someone who constantly needs to be going out all the time, but there’s a part of me that’s like...yeah, it’d be nice if i had people closer to home i could just go get some coffee with or maybe grab dinner with sometime 

and if that’s the case like...hey, no worries 

but if it’s anything more than that i’m already dreading having to shut that shit down because i may not think i’m worth anything, but that doesn’t mean i need to like...exacerbate my problems by letting some dude use me 

and i hate to even think that because this dude may have the purest of intentions and, more likely than not, just sees me as a bro and would be thrown off if he knew i was even suspicious but...shit is what it is 

it wouldn’t be the first time a dude i went to high school with took interest in me seemingly out of the blue, but only come to find out it’s because they exhausted all their other options (usually my friends, so that was cool) and figured, “meh, this’ll do” or that one time i “””””dated”””” someone for a week and it turns out he was engaged the whole time??? yeah, that was cool. suuuuuuuper cool 

i mean...i’m not AT ALL fucked in the head about my self esteem and feeling like in spite of me wanting a relationship super badly that it’s never going to fucking happen for me because i’m either too ugly or too mentally ill or too boring or just...whatever for that to be possible, but on top of that let’s pile dudes who only ever perk up to me when they’re at their lowest and figure drinking gasoline when you’re dying of thirst is better than nothing 

it’s FINE 

i’m FINE 

do i need to go to therapy? uh-yeah, abso-fucking-lutely 

and i’m trying to take baby steps, i really am, i’ve been looking at local therapists and shit like that but at the same time i uh...i’m gonna have to...unpack a lot of shit i put in a box about ten years ago and just...never really dealt with 

and there’s a part of me that’s like...well, i made it ten years without opening that box, surely i can make it another ten. and then another. and then another etc. (not that i want to live that long anyway, but i also didn’t think i’d make it this far so surprise, 8 year old me who wanted nothing more than to just fuckin’ die. we’re still here, on this bitch of an earth in this fuck of an existence and we’re still...doin’ it) 

but i also know that it’s entirely possible one day all of that shit’s just gonna...breach the surface and i’ll likely have a complete and utter meltdown so that’s...not great 

also just in general, i have...a lot of shit i need to work on about myself, about how i feel about myself, etc. but boy oh boy is that a rough motivation to stir up when the conversation between you and you is basically: 

me: um, hey we should probably like...try to do something about all this? you’re almost 30, don’t you think you should...try to get better? try to be a better you? get a handle on your shit, maybe?

me: absolutely not, i fucking suck, i’ve always sucked, and if you think there’s something underneath all of this that doesn’t suck, my friend, have i got news for you. it’s all suck. all the way down. you know how you’re working on a project or whatever’s a good metaphor here, and you make a mistake, but you try to fix it or just keep going but shit just gets worse and worse and worse and eventually it’s not fixable anymore and from no way, shape, or angle could the finished product be considered good and you’d just do better to throw the whole fuckin’ thing out and start from scratch? 

me: i mean yeah, i guess 

me: okay, well that’s you, my friend

me: oh worm? 

me: worm 

so...y’know, it’s rough 

i’m not saying i won’t, i know this shit is tough no matter what and my situation is in no way unique it’s just...taking me some time to get to that point where i even feel like i deserve it or that i’d be willing to do it 

REGARDLESS i’m willing to give this entire situation a chance 

he said something about maybe meeting up saturday to get some coffee or something, so we’ll see if that ends up happening and how that goes and maybe once i actually talk to him face to face i can get a better read on the entire situation 

i just...at this point, i really just hope he wants to be friends 

i know a young, less jaded me would probably be freaking out because a guy i thought was cute in high school wants to hang out with me, oh boy!!! but present me is a little too cynical and definitely just...tired of feeling like i’m only ever a last resort of last possible option 

i guess i’ll...have an update by this weekend, maybe? 

although if dude says or does anything that makes it obvious he’s interested in something more i’ll probably just shut that shit down before it goes anywhere because i don’t really know him that well, but based off his social media it seems like he got out of a relationship not too long ago and it’s not to say you can’t be interested in someone else soon after, but i’m not...the person you want to talk to if you want a rebound, my guy 

i’m nearly a 30 year old virgin, i’ve got...literally nothing to offer you except for disappointment 

this kind of thing just...exhausts me because i feel like i can already see ten miles away how this ends and i’m just...so, so, so fucking tired of feeling like this. i’m so tired of only ever being seen as like...possible rebound option or vulnerable lonely girl ripe for plucking or, my favorite, the girl nobody pays attention to until they’re done fawning over my friends 

i’d honest to god just rather go the rest of my life being completely ignored and never bothered than to deal with that again and again and again 

but i’ll try not to get too ahead of myself and not be so pessimistic 

try being the key word here 

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

ROXY: haha im sorry

ROZE mah nizzle: Sorry 'bout what so you betta run and grab yo glock?

ROXY: fo` stammer'n an all bein an agog grinn'n idizzle ROXY: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. i just cannot... Nigga get shut up or get wet up.. ROXY: actually believe u be R-to-tha-izzeal n here n alive n not dy'n and so be i so jus' chill! ROXY: here wit u i mean + sharin all thoze mentioned attributizzles

ROZE: I can't believe it rappa!

ROXY: i have so mizzle ta siznay ridin' in mah double R...

RIZZLE: i thizzink, ya feel me???

ROXY: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. even though i cant think of tha S-T-to-tha-izzuff atm

ROZE so you betta run and grab yo glock: I know wizzy you mizzle.

ROXY now pass the glock: i hope its ok if i jizzust sit near u not bein 'specizzle articulizzle fo` a bit

ROZE bitch ass nigga: Thizzle be more T-H-to-tha-izzan ok. ROZE: As long as you be steppin' ta similarly excuze tha spectaculizzle demize of mah capacitizzle fo` artful self-expression. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house.

ROXY: omg!!!! ROXY: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. ahizzle youre dizzy! ROXIZZLE: wow wow i jizzust cizzle it wow wizzow wizzay! ROXY: yizzou sound SO much lizzike him oh mah GOD thats too pizzy n skanky :3

ROZE: Dirk?

ROXIZZLE: hahah i cant git ova it nizzow i cant unhear it... ROXY: evizzle yo' voice sounds kinda lizzy hizzay but its just... girl D-to-tha-izzirk

RIZZLE: L-M-to-tha-izzao wow yiznes <3 ROZE: He siznounds liznike a hell of a homey. One, two three and to tha four. RIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: ohh u have nizzoo idizzle ROZE and my money on my mind: Well, I'm told he should be arriv'n here 'n a shawty whizzle. ROZE: If he anyth'n like Dave lizzle nigga brotha, n if he anyth'n like me, whizzay he apparentlizzle is, thizzen dis be when I'm guess'n thizzle real party wizzy begin.

ROXY: im redizzle <|:)

ROZE: I want ta knizzle th'n about him. ROZE: Sizzy as, if he shares hiznis elda counterpart's avarizzle fo` soft puppet ass. ROZE: N if thizzle, combizzle wit his myriad, vaguely unsettl'n psychologicizzle peculiarities, cizzay occupy a dedicated team of therapizzles fo` years.

ROXY: tha answa be yizzy n yes

ROZE: Hmm. ROZE: Steppin' this amuzes me, fo` some reason. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. ROZE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. Bizzay mainly, T-H-to-tha-izzere be th'n I wizzay ta K-N-to-tha-izzow 'bout you. RIZNOSE: I presume thizzay wizzy be plenty of time lata ta hound mah biologizzle baller fo` tha diznirt on hiznis proclivities. Real niggas recognize the realness.

ROXY in all flavas: whatta ya wanna know 'bout me bitch ass nigga?

ROZE: Doggy stylin'! RIZNOSE: I think tha main difficultizzle 'n bustin' what ta ask be 'n sift'n qizzles I wiznould hizzle fo` my mother, thizzay be ta sizzle, tha woman who raize' me, from tha questions I hizzay fo` yizzy.

ROXIZZLE: Its just anotha homocide. wizzy i dizzy raize u or nothin' trippin' biznut i can sincerely takes a crack at both kizzindsa questions

ROZE: Ok. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. ROZE: Do with the S-N-double-O-P... ROZE: You really lizzay wizards from tha streets of tha L-B-C?

ROXY: rose

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: Yizzes?

ROXY so bow down to the bow wow! roze ROXY: roooze

ROZE: ... They call me tha black folks president.

ROXIZZLE, ya feel me? i fucken ROXY: LOVE ROXIZZLE: wizzards

ROZE: I sizzle. ROSE so you betta run and grab yo glock: As odd as it sounds, that actually D-to-tha-izzoes go pretty fiznar 'n lett'n me know sum-m sum-m 'bout both of you to increase tha peace.

ROXY: oh?

ROZE: Mah relationship wit shot calla wizzas complicizzle. ROZE: But I've come ta see that as mostly mah fizzault. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. I was too yizzle ta understizzle cracka.

ROXY so you betta run and grab yo glock: i cracka evizzle gots tha C-H-to-tha-izzance to misizzle mah mom ROXY: or grownup you ROXY: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. or... i mizzy i didnt get ta misunderstand ha 'N PERSON ROXY: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. more like as a legizzle figure ROXY: C-to-tha-izzause i grizzle up 400 yiznears motherfucka shizne dy

ROZE: They call me tha black folks president. Ah, rizzle. ROZE: I thizzle I'm crack-a-lackin` ta hiznave ta call tha cizzle early. Yizzy be tha M-to-tha-izzore interesting biogrizzle, by quite a lot.

ROXY: nizzy really! ROXY: nizzle ta me at least... i was lonely ROXY: i thought 'bout ha a lot ta pass tha time ROXY: shizne was p amaz'n at least accord'n ta history ROXY: she wrizzle hella books 'bout wizizzles n rizzay a genocidal fat dawg down a watizzle of blood

ROZE: She wrote hella bizzle 'bout wizizzles?

ROXY: Bounce wit me. yizzeh! ROXY: thizzay wizzle famous n giznood n everyth'n

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: It sizzounds like I fumbled into tha wrong line of work. ROZE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. There no money in dis Sbizzurb business. ROZE: Well, thizzle be. It just comes 'n incredibly stupid denominations, which be nizzle particularly useful.

KANAYA: D-ya Have Copies Of Theze Biznooks

ROXY: ummmm yes fo' real! ROXY: yes i do thizzay be copies B-to-tha-izzack on mah planet ROXY: assum'n john didnt retcon them away like a book thiefin S-N-to-tha-izzeak fo gettin yo pimp on!

KANAYA: I Wizzle Really Love Ta Read Thizzay Some Tizzle If Yizzle Wizzay Mind

ROXIZZLE: no not at all! Tru niggaz do niggaz.

ROZE: By tha way, dis be Kanaya. ROSE: Sorry fo` tha combizzle of bad manna n generizzle dumbfoundedness which precludizzle a mizzy timely introduction.

KANAYA: H-to-tha-izzello

ROXY: They call me tha black folks president. hey! ROXY: tizzy a funky ass name and also ur pretty

KANAYA: They call me tha black folks president. Thank Yizzou KANIZZLE: I Admire Tha Aesthetics Of Yo' Name N Appearance As Wizzle N 'n No Small Piznart Due Ta They Respective Similarity Ta Yo' Daughta

ROXY: wiznow dawg tizzy was somehow both a convolizzle th'n ta say yet smooth as H-to-tha-izzell ROXY: m impresze'

ROZE: Welcome to Maryam Citizzle, population, a whizzle lot of bootylicious remarks like that yeah yeah baby.

ROXY: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. but yes ill git u thoze books! ROXY: theyre bootylicious thizzle made me wanna wizzy mah own wizizzle biznooks

ROZE: Did yiznou dogg?

ROXY cuz its a pimp thang: errr ROXY: yeah sorta :\

ROZE: Could I read them?

ROXY fo' sho': ummmm

ROZE: Hizzle, yizzle gizzle ta rizzay mizzle in tha mutha fuckin club!

ROXY: yizneah but u were like an old pro when u wrote yours! ROXY cuz Im tha Double O G: T-H-to-tha-izzey be ballin' MASTERPIECE WIZARDFICS so jus' chill!!! ROXY: thizney wizzay pulizta n shizzit

ROZE: Dizzy thizney rizzle??

ROXY: um idk probably? Holla!

ROZE so jus' chill: Oh.

ROXIZZLE: i diznunno they be just vry vry gizzood

RIZZLE: so tha ancient P-R-to-tha-izzize scholars im sure W-to-tha-izzere L-to-tha-izzike, dude theze wizards

ROXY: be vizzy vrizzy fucking gizzy ROXY: give tizzy all tha awards, then shut D-to-tha-izzown tha awards, but nizzot cizzay of tha loom'n apocalypze, just cuz u literally cannot do betta than theze wizards

ROZE: I cizzan L-to-tha-izzive wit thizzay. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. ROZE: It alwizzles bizzy one of mah professional goals ta write tales of magical men so provocative, T-H-to-tha-izzey would cauze tha permizzle n unceremonious dissolution of at least one prestigioizzles award.

ROXY: so Y-to-tha-izzeah i dunno i guess u cizzan see ROXY: but its a pale ghost of a story compared ta ur stuff n its also um kizzay weird?

RIZZOSE: Drop it like its hot. I like weird!

ROXY: yizneah ROXY: just... yo' opinizzle means a lot ta me & im nervous u might think it sucks!

ROZE: Bizzy I neva even W-R-to-tha-izzote tha mastizzles you R-to-tha-izzead. ROZE and my money on my mind: I think yizzay may have a vizniew of mah abilities wizzy I haven't earned yet. ROSE: Really, I'm not that good. RIZZY: I have mah own story drafts which you ciznan read if yizzle like but real niggaz don't give a fuck. ROZE: They're hatin' spizzle, frankly.

ROXY: o really? Bounce wit me.? ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. aw dawg ok then that sizzay fizzle! :)

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[get-the-treasure]

school log #1

9-5-17

Happy last ‘first day of high school’ I’m finally a senior let’s fuck shit up.

Assembly: i came in and first went to hug taylor cause jahsbfjfaks i havent seen her all summer nd did i tear up? yeah kind of lmao i missed taylor sm what a gem. then i went by like. the squad (for memory reasons: ???? ppl on the side, jade, bean, yadi, eren, rye showed up, dalon showed up, sammy showed up, ashley showed up, might be missing someone?). eren gave me a bitching smoothie (bless ty) nd i think we all just talked like we normally would. its nice to just slip into normal conversation with people wou havent seen in what feels like forever.

Hour 3 (Homegroup): sat in hg for like 2 hours. we got some new freshman of whom i only can name 3 because i missed the others names. nd i also only kno one of the sophomores by name cause i forgot the others. maybe we should talk w maya sometime? ive seen her around a few times and she looks like shes mostly alone? we got our lockers too. sike some middle schoolers took our lockers and now we have to wait until tomorrow to figure out if we can get them b a c k. then i knocked over the smoothie eren gave me nd like a little came out but not much so um thanks god. we filled out this helping sheet thing that were going to be checked on every monday soooo better keep up on work i guess. also there was a lot of talk of grilled cheese up the ass???

Hour 1 (AP Bio): i turned in my poster board and we just went over the same rubric we went over when i signed up for the class smh. doesnt seem like itll be hard tho? sammy might have to drop it if she doesnt do her entire thing over and turn it in tomorrow and even then he might say no. so heres to hoping. also sabastion sat by our table nd honestly w h y do we have to have mutual friends i hate my life.

Hour 2 (ROPE): went over like oNLY the autobiography part of the rope packet tbh. also amy said we should know who our thesis paper advisors are but 1. i didnt even know what the thesis paper was and 2. the day ended and i still have no idea who my thesis advisor is weLL GUESS ILL SUFFER. im worried i wont have a good autobiography and that i wont be able to keep up with rope, but if i just dont goof around (lol) then it shouldnt be a  w  f  u  l. i notice a big student mood is being like ‘i want to die’ when school starts but christ its not rlly that bad? u get a normal ish sleep schedule, its easier to hang out w friends imo, and the work isnt even that hard you just have to pay attention and do it. it kind of bugs me honestly when school breathes and someones like THIS IS THE WORST THING ON EARTH FUCK SCHOOL FUCK ALL THE WORK THIS SUCKS cause its literally not that bad if you just idk. dont goof off all the time. sometimes u can goof off im sure everyone does sometimes. just. do ur work nd dont get so uppity about it. also idk if nyone will even read these but this isnt directed at anyone.

Hour 4 (English 12): our class is huge lmao. sammy and i got seats by jimmy, josselin, and ariel but i think eren wants us to get to class earlier tomorrow so we can sit together w yadi at the back of the room. but we get out of hg when peter lets us out soooo we cant rlly control when he lets us out.

Lunch: there was a lil spider where i sit so i kind of shooed him away so i could sit and i ended up cramping a lot. the worst part abt school imo is the chairs are just as hard as the floor and i have awful pelvis issues so my entire lower half starts to freeze and lock up and it hurts rlly bad getting up or shifting after sitting still for a while, so i fidget a lot and shift positions a lot so i can try and reduce the pain. nyways i played music nd sidney nd alexis sat down by us and theyre really quiet (whenever i would see them in the halls on the way to class and they had a free hour or it was lunch nd id see them they were always quiet then too) and sidney left her chapstick and i hope she remembered to grab it (i told her at the assembly at the end of the day because i forgot to grab it to give back to her). i cant rlly remember what else happened honestly??? thats of noting at least.

Hour 5 (Free): eren and i are probably going to sit in michelles room for this hour since she has chairs and 3 hours in a row on the floor is going to bust my ass so bad. eren started doing work but we ended up just talking and eating and listening to a vine comp.

Hour 6 (Free): sammy came down and we did basically the same as the previous hour but more talking and laughing. i cant remember what we talked about tho?? or nything else?? (edit: we tlaked about fucking and spanx)

Hour 7 (Government): eren sammy nd i had put our stuff down in michelles room early to save our spots (but i bet ill be the only one still at the table tomorrow because they have to go to the front) and then eren nd i left to go to the bathroom then fill sammys water bottle and by the time we came back in michelle was like ‘please arrive on time’ like 1 we were in here first nd 2 the bathroom was packed nd were supposed to go between classes i couldnt piss any faster thanks tho. we got the syllabus and an intro to the class/classroom and thank god jared isnt in this class fuckkkk. also we have to do debates like in front of the class?? no t h a nk you i hate it

Hour 8 (Advanced Drawing/Painting): we just sat around ny amy was like ‘heres what well do’ but ariel sammy nd i basically talked the entire time we all know how art works.

Assembly: a final assembly to wrap everything up with all grades together (since middle nd high had separate assemblies this morning) and i dont kno if we got any important information i think it was just things only 6th graders nd new students need to know cause we hear the same spiel every year. then i guess we all left??? 

After School: my dad picked me up and hell be picking us up every day from now on (unless like smthn comes up u kno its whatever). he didnt say anything on the ride home unlike when he and mom would both pick us up and theyd both ask a lot of questions. i thought he was angry and i ended up being right. he and my mom got into a bad argument she told me later on and now shes changing the locks so he doesnt have a key. its kind of upsetting how she said i should be civil with like whoever my parents may end up dating nd the entire family and whatnot but she (vise versa) cant even be civil with him or the rest of our family so??? nice example you set for your kids, parents. anyways my dad is also apparently switching up stuff he says like what hell pay and what theyll keep asset wise and how theyd cooperate for our sake and now hes changing what he said during court and all this mess and i feel like hes doing it to spite my mom but hes also spiting us in the process because we rely on our mom. ughhhhh this is stupid difficult to deal w id rather just not have to hear this stuff but moms always on the phone talking about anything and everything and were forced to hear. nyways lol

[nickatnightwalker-blog]

@bythepowerof4  in depth discussion of daisys every weakness and the responsibilities of power

bythepowerof4 hey question that ive been too nervous to ask in public: do people eat people here cause thats uh pretty mega fucked up?

nickatnightwalker honestly ive been running on the assumption that they do since theres like vampires and shit?

bythepowerof4 not to bring the mood down lol ill keep it light when we're hanging ;) oh

bythepowerof4 yeah shit

nickatnightwalker yeah shit

bythepowerof4 i havent been out here at night much so i havent seen em whoops

nickatnightwalker im familiar with a few but ive been trying to get my room to swiss bank status so we can chill there if youre worried

bythepowerof4 that sounds very excellent do you not have a roomie?? i got saddled with another newbie like straight away

nickatnightwalker nah, no roomie there's still a lot of empty dorms in my hall too

bythepowerof4 youre in the humany dorm right?? thats not very comforting lol

nickatnightwalker yyyyyyyyyyyyeah i know right where are you?

bythepowerof4 uhhhh proteus!!

nickatnightwalker which one is that

bythepowerof4 with the shapeshifty people i think?? total bull

nickatnightwalker doyou shapeshift?

bythepowerof4 uh not really? only once but i guess it looks like i am to everyone else? im not sure on the specifics

nickatnightwalker thats baffling you said stuff but to me it still means nothing

bythepowerof4 when we meet up you can judge for yourself, tell me if my form looks permeable and mutable to you or whatever lmao i was told we werent supposed to ask about this stuff :p

nickatnightwalker fromwho? i always wanna know

nickatnightwalker ort you woah sorry i hate tumblr

bythepowerof4 ???

nickatnightwalker yeah i didnt mean to send that lmao

bythepowerof4 lol uh i think it was, headsarolling, whoever that is, and the guy with the little cartoon smoker for an icon?? who got all defensive abt their supermatural shit

nickatnightwalker oh the headless kid is kind of a dick

bythepowerof4 hey also this might sound weird wait what

nickatnightwalker yeah?

bythepowerof4 headless????

nickatnightwalker headsarolling has no head

bythepowerof4 is that a thing oh my god

nickatnightwalker yeah yep thats what i said

bythepowerof4 ok for my own sanity im not gonna dwell on that ok ANYWAY

nickatnightwalker yeah bring it

bythepowerof4 could you. bring me my shoes back

nickatnightwalker sorry what

bythepowerof4 my shoes. daisy took my shoes

nickatnightwalker i am not surprised

bythepowerof4 which was ok at the time because she mustve had a pretty shit night with the uh, fire, and being propositioned by count freakmeout, but its been a while and i still dont have my shoes

nickatnightwalker ok yeah i can do that

bythepowerof4 ok cool thanks im sure she was kidding about her room being some mysterious death chamber but i dont wanna risk it

nickatnightwalker nah it kinda is but i can get through

bythepowerof4 lol spousal privilege does wonders ;)

nickatnightwalker actually we decided to not get married and live in sin for a while

bythepowerof4 best way to live obviously

nickatnightwalker i mean, you're only young once right

bythepowerof4 right!! enjoy it while you're both young soon enough youll be sitting in a dive bar complaining bout the ol ball and chain. time flies its a drag

bythepowerof4 hey we can real talk for a second right??

nickatnightwalker yeah im

nickatnightwalker kind of baked but hit me with it

bythepowerof4 ok obviously youre not actually dating daisy or if you are its like?? some weirdo casual shit so like my concerns are twofold 1. what is she like, into 2. is she actually as fucking terrifying as she was at that fight or was that like, for show

nickatnightwalker 1.  idk who she's into atm she's mysterious like that 2.  yes shes always like that you just kind of learn to roll with it sometimes she chills

bythepowerof4 ok. um

bythepowerof4 you know what i actually dont know what to do with this information but thanks

nickatnightwalker youre welcome she likes unicorns

bythepowerof4 not sure how to figure that into my approach but thats weirdly cute?

nickatnightwalker shes cute her eyes are far apart

nickatnightwalker she spins when shes happy

bythepowerof4 yeah wow

nickatnightwalker sometimes shes happy for bad reasons she was sitting on ins

bythepowerof4 thats not ominous at all

nickatnightwalker you just have ot tell her no very serioiusly it's hard

bythepowerof4 yeah i can see how that would be difficult youre like her little jiminy cricket tho thats so sweet

nickatnightwalker it's a heavy burden to bear

bythepowerof4 we gotta do what we gotta do does this burden come automatically with asking her out though id kinda wanna be more casual

nickatnightwalker no one can do it but im im the chosen one

bythepowerof4 on behalf of the student body id like to thank you for your sacrifice

nickatnightwalker youe welcome it's hard to be bufy the vampireslayer

bythepowerof4 oh, all those beautiful vampire boys lusting after you and your tight leather pants, must be such a nightmare!!

nickatnightwalker it is truely truely a nightmare andas far as i  know  leatherpants are not a part of this equation

bythepowerof4 youre such a poser dude did you even make it to season six?? early 00s fashion disasters abound, leather clad legs akimbo

nickatnightwalker rihgt no thats right season 6

nickatnightwalker i watched that????

bythepowerof4 lmao, if you need a refresher im ready and willing

nickatnightwalker i marathoned it l ast week it suddenly got so relevant\

bythepowerof4 lol ur telling me

nickatnightwalker listen listen i tried to kss one

bythepowerof4 wait a fucking second im slow ok but are you?? referring to mr byron?? FUCK

nickatnightwalker whom

bythepowerof4 dude!!!

nickatnightwalker o h what everyone makesmistakes everyonehas those days

bythepowerof4 you dont wanna be dinner right youre doing a piss poor job of staying away from vampires aka the most likely people to kill you everybody knows what what im talkin bout everybody gets that way

nickatnightwalker thank you you get it i didnt know how can thi sbe bmy fault

bythepowerof4 didnt he brag on night one how good he is at like, rending flesh from bone or something like i figured he was full of shit but its still a red flag mate

nickatnightwalker didnt know who he was trust me i wouldnt have com neAR that face

bythepowerof4 lmao youve got some shit luck huh

nickatnightwalker unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbelievably daisyll kill hiim if hekills me though

nickatnightwalker vengeance from beyond the grave

bythepowerof4 hey bro pact if im ever about to get all up on someone who wants to taste my still beating heart or whatever please stop me aww cute!! avenging each others death is some really good bonding shit very um

nickatnightwalker i will absolutely stop you

bythepowerof4 hamlet i think

nickatnightwalker that was his dad

bythepowerof4 oh thanks (: oh ok gotcha

nickatnightwalker mnot related to daisy

nickatnightwalker not my dad or my uncle

bythepowerof4 bro pact if i ever misquote shakespeare in front of ur not dad or uncle please stop me i get the feeling its a deal breaker

nickatnightwalker oh my god is it ever if you dont know what shes saying sometimes its quotes she quotes a lot when she doesnt know what to say also cute

bythepowerof4 lmao very

nickatnightwalker very

nickatnightwalker you know what she

nickatnightwalker also makes this face like when you fuck up a quote?? her nose

bythepowerof4 im guessing you do it constantly and unapologetically then lol

nickatnightwalker no i dont misquote

bythepowerof4 woow sorry mr walker!! how dare i suggest otherwise

nickatnightwalker its ok i undersatnd

bythepowerof4 youre so forgiving!! damian is a very lucky undead creature of the night (:

nickatnightwalker why

bythepowerof4 i was kinda saying like "hes lucky to have you" but that might be a bit mean sorry :/

nickatnightwalker he has nothign

bythepowerof4 lol glad to hear it

nickatnightwalker youre welcome ame same

bythepowerof4 wait a fucking second am i the only person both awake and sober how did you let this happen

nickatnightwalker things progressed byond my control

bythepowerof4 suck it up chosen one!! power is control or something like that

[amorremanet]

Arthur/moody, lucius/moody, lupin/snape?

the brutally honest ship opinions game

Arthur/Moody: ……okay, like, I have basically no positive feelings about Alastor Moody — I mean, I feel the same need to defend him from JKR’s ableist garbage that accidentally got me in too deep with Lockhart, but we are still talking about a guy who supports using Dementors on people and apparently dngaf about what someone’s done, just send ‘em all to fucking Azkaban (GOF ch. 30, the flashback of Moody we see in the first Pensieve scene)

who thinks that the best present you could give to a kid who’s lost his parents and just watched a classmate be murdered…… is going over a photo of the First War Order and telling him about how all of them died horribly and he doesn’t ever stop to think that this might not be the best idea (OOTP)

and who is legitimately less sensitive to other people’s needs and less dismissive of people who aren’t his exact model of “useful” than a literal fucking Death Eater one of the biggest points where Barty Crouch Jr. drops character in GOF is when he takes Neville to his office and gives him a pro-Herbology pep-talk, and goes, “so, hey, Longbottom, Professor Sprout said you’re super-good at this subject, why not pursue it,” because based on the actual canon about him? The real Alastor Moody would never do something like that.

Like, he might have the moment he has with Harry and Hermione, where he goes, “so, hey, both of you could be gr10 aurors if you wanted, you should think about it” because that, from Moody, would be a compliment, and Harry and Hermione more closely fit his own ideas of usefulness, but not so much the Neville moment)

—but seriously, do you hate him or something? Why else would you even dream of shipping him with Arthur Weasley? (okay, fine, I acquiesce that there is enough of a canonical basis for some people to roll with here, and I myself have made ships out of far less…… but seriously, why would you ship anybody with Arthur Weasley. Like…… wow, rude.)

Lucius/Moody: again, I’m not on the Alastor Moody fan-train or anything, but why would you even do this. Nobody deserves to be shipped with Lucius Malfoy, like? He’s not even an entertaining villain, he’s just pathetic. He’s a sad, pathetic fantasy-fascist who gets his kicks by bullying twelve-year-olds and torturing muggles who can’t defend themselves. He’s a complete waste of character space and forcing anyone to be in a ship with him is just unfathomably cruel

Lupin/Snape: meh, whatever. Like, it’s not my thing, but… *shrugs* meh?

Like, idk what you’re looking for here, nonny, but I’m guessing, based on the other two ships, that you’re looking for me to get cranky and ship-bashy and figured that Snu//pin was a good way to get there, since there are a lot of legitimate Problems with this ship in the text

But the thing is, I’m just under 900 years old (at least in fandom terms), and I remember the days back before HBP came out, when Snu//pin was the second-most popular Remus ship (after Wolfstar, to the surprise of no one), and was, in fact, so popular that it had its own private archive and got black-listed from most rarepair comms because it, “wasn’t really rare, just less popular than D//rarry, Wolfstar, Ro//mione, Dra//mione, H//inny, and J//ily”

—I mean, there was a short stretch before OOTP where I tried to make myself like it because there was a BNF whose art I loved, and she shipped Snu//pin, so I felt like I had to be missing something obvious and cool and because I was, like, twelve, I tried to make myself ship the thing. That didn’t work and I eventually just moved on, but one thing that I recall about the Snu//pin fandom that appears to still be more or less true, based on everything I’ve seen of the present-day Snu//pin fandom?

Is that they came out about the same as the Wolfstar fandom, in terms of how many shippers ignored or made excuses for #Problematic things about the ship vs. how many shippers work those things into the overall fabric of how they ship the thing, how many shippers LIKE the ship because of those Problematic parts and having the opportunity to explore them in fiction, how many shippers actively dive head-first into exploring those parts of the ships because that’s where they find the most engaging character interactions or whatever they’re into, etc.

For examples of what I mean when I say #Problematic things about the ships:

the fact that all three of them are self-loathing [human or werewolf] disasters who are often passively suicidal and either prone to acting out on those feelings (Sirius and Severus), or prone to repressing those feelings until they explode all over some innocent bystanders (Remus)

the fact that all three of them have suffered horrific abuse in their pasts — whether from their parents or other sources — and find ways to take it out on other people (Severus on his students, Sirius on Severus and Kreacher, and Remus on almost anyone who tries to get close to him, even as he makes it seem like he isn’t doing that)

Severus outing Remus as a werewolf because he’s upset and felt like punishing someone else for it, thereby leading to Remus tendering his resignation

the fact that Sirius assuming Remus had to be the spy would’ve been at least partially based on anti-werewolf prejudices, and Sirius still clearly had at least some of those prejudices on his own, because even if Peter totally manipulated them in his favor, there had to be something there for Peter to manipulate in the first place, so???

the fact that Remus doesn’t help shit anything, in any situation ever, with his habit of trying to weasel out of any Emotionally Difficult™ conversations and his tendency to mentally spin most situations so that everyone is going to leave him in the end anyway so it’s acceptable to shut down, close himself off, and pull stunts that more or less come down to, “totally up and bailing on everyone,” which is understandable, given his backstory, but dude, that doesn’t make it okay or helpful??

basically, “literally anything about the characters as individuals, or in terms of their interactions with each other — both past and present — that could potentially cause problems for either/both/any/all of them and potentially make the relationship unhealthy (or unhealthier than it already was, in the cases of Snu//pin and Snack because…… oh boy, let’s not even act like either of those — or any ship with Sev in it, for that matter — is ever going to be ‘healthy’ by any definition)”

So, like? Is Snupin #Problematic? Yes, definitely. Are some of its shippers prone to ship it in #Problematic ways? Oh, yes, absolutely (Hell, the BNF whose art I used to like even flat-out said things like, “Sirius would never be able to be there for Remus like Snape could” and… um? Even granted that this was pre-OOTP: ummm???)

But on the whole, Snu//pin shippers aren’t actually any worse about totally ignoring and/or excusing these elements of their ship than Wolfstar shippers are (and, actually, they might be doing better than a LOT of the present-day Wolfstar fandom, since I usually don’t see any more recently made Snu//pin that doesn’t grapple with at least some of the #Problematic elements of it — they don’t always do it well, but at least they’re trying, which counts for a lot, to me, because most people don’t even try — while most Wolfstar these days flat-out ignores all the #Problematic elements of Sirius and Remus as characters, and of their relationship, in the name of what often amounts to borderline-OOC caricatured fanon nonsense, so…)

(……Look, I love Wolfstar, and I have for longer than some people on this website have been alive. But I don’t love a lot of Wolfstar shippers, which has been the case since the beginning of my Wolfstar shipping

stayed the case when HBP came out and I was all, “Hey, guys? I don’t like this BS Remus/Tonks thing either, but can we NOT erase bisexuals or treat Tonks like garbage when we’re talking about it, it’s not her fault that Molly Weasley is a meddling nosy garbage buttinski who thinks it’s her job to play matchmaker to fully-grown adults who didn’t ask and don’t want her input,”

and is still the case as I’m over here, all like, “ugh, man, at least we used to have SOME people in this fandom who enjoyed reading Wolfstar angst, now it seems like nobody cares about anything unless it’s all fluff, all the time, with absolutely no room for anything else because god forbid you ever want to write about LGBTQ characters whose lives aren’t 5,000% perfect, that obviously must mean that you’re a gross fetishistic cishet and not, for example, a neurodivergent, mentally ill lesbian survivor who feels left out by the trend towards forcing every LGBTQ person to act like we’re happy, all the time, and to act like we’re only interested in fictional LGBTQ people who are perfectly 5,000% happy all the time

“and to decry any and all depictions of LGBTQ people being UNhappy as gross fetishistic straight people garbage even when they were actually created by and for LGBTQ people, only to be misappropriated by straight people, as if there’s no way you could possibly be LGBTQ and NOT feel ~used and maligned~ by depictions of LGBTQ people that are less than 5,000% perfectly happy, even when they are being created by other LGBTQ people, yeah? ……but yeah, no, clearly: the fact that I like angst obviously means that I am a straight person because no ~real~ LGBTQ person ever has any need for those ~gross negative feelings~ or fictional outlets for them, never mind how many LGBTQ people get excluded from our narratives and spaces by this bullshit bc lmao who cares amiright. ://”)

—anyway, my motto has been and remains, “It isn’t a question of WHAT you ship, it’s a question of HOW you ship it,” so hey. Snu//pin is not my thing (it’s not even as non-shippingly interesting to me as Sirius/Severus is, because I love how much those two hate each other while unwittingly being perfect foils for each other), but I don’t actually have any desire to ship-bash it and most Snu//pin shippers are okay with me because unless they’re actually doing anything that’s harmful to anyone else, it’s not my business what they ship

That said: “Snu//pin” is still one of the worst portmanteau ship names ever and it still sounds like a deadly virus or something, but *shrugs* Whatever, it’s not the shippers’ faults that their ship members’ names don’t smush up all that nicely

[3inghao]

HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)  

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)  

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)  

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0

[loi-et-love]

NF: You charmer.

I: heh today, i spent so much time with SZ. My boss left at 5:15 n then i was at SZ's desk chitchatting with him. we left together n then we were in the basement till 7:15 talking. standing outside our cars n then he said lets go! you need to go home so we left n he gets more traffic than i do, so he texts me when he';s stuck, so this time i texted him when i was waiting for the signal to turn green n then he called me. we spoke for 6 mins. he reached 15 mins before i reached home n he wrote this: Is it you or if should be me scared ..... today I was down for one hours ..... I was emailing you 70 odd mails .... this is because you are in office ..... what would happen when you are not in this company you would forget me and find someone else ...... so who is the one to be heart broken ????? You keep saying I would go abroad ..... but look at yourself it's you who is going to leave me and go ...... any clue how I would feel when you are gone and stop talking to me as much ? And WTF ...... I am already missing you ..... you are right I should have hugged you before leaving and then got in to back seat. And the reason I didn't kiss was ..... I don't know what you think about me or what you would think about me after that.

in the basement, he came up with a stupid plan. he said "im not entertainment" i said ure not. nor are you a distraction!!" so he said, "okay so let's do this. starting from tomorrow, we won't talk/chat/ communicate till thursday" he's gg to out of town again for work on tuesday morning n coming back on wednesday night so ill see him on monday n then on thursday

NF: It would give your fingers a chance to rest.

I: so in the chat he said "we will talk on thursday" n i said "i cant do that. n i know u cant either" n then i said this "damn yaar.. this is fucked up! idk where the flirting ends and reality begins anymore!!" n he said "Agreed it's getting fucked up ..... so either enjoy this or stop this ..... this between thing is insane" ok! again! i dont believe he's really interested. like really interested. if he wudnt be married, he wud actually date me. BTW he knows about BB. the whole story

NF: You don't believe he's really interested??? You mean like he'd marry you?

I: i never think its possible. not that he wud marry me. no no no

NF: That's pretty hard to tell. You guys are in the super excited phase.

I: hehehehe its crazy yeah

NF: He'd be VERY happy to jump your bones though.

I: i dont think he wud actually do it. theres no air conditioning or fan in the basement so we were sweating. he used his hanky, which i didnt even knew he carried

NF: I estimate a 99% chance that he would.

I: so he joked that lets sit in the back seat of his car n i said lets go!! i said it a couple of times. n he said nahhhh no no. he just didn’t

NF: You've said no more a couple of times and you kid all the time, so he knows you are kidding. If you actually kissed him, like he's thinking about, excellent chance he wouldn't stop.

I: idk how this is possible

NF: When you are used to having sex, once you get riled up you want to keep going. It feels natural. And you have him riled up. Way riled up.

I: hehehehehh so when u said "you charmer" i grinned... hehehe idk. i really like him. n im not that person where i enjoyed n i left without giving a damn. i really care about him

NF: You really like him

I: yeah. i wudnt mind kisisng him but he's married. and then i'll officially be the "other woman"

NF: You already are. You're way past that.

I: i think ive always been just that. now im ready to see him outside office. he was shocked,. i told him when he had called me. i texted him the reason why i changed my mind

NF: You feeling the flames yet?? Heh. Playing with fire! Unless you really do want to have an affair with this married guy.

I: I don't want to do something immoral. Don't want to sabotage his marriage

NF: You already are doing that.

I: I asked him today how is his wife okay with you traveling so much?! Cause I wouldn't be okay! N he didn't answer. He said he did flirt with women after he was married. Nothing scandalous. I told him, “damn yaar.. this is fucked up! idk where the flirting ends and reality begins anymore!!” And he said, “Agreed it's getting fucked up ..... so either enjoy this or stop this ..... this between thing is insane” What does he mean by 'between things'??

NF: You are all hot for each other but not having an affair. You have gone to way more than friends. So not friends, not lovers, something in between.

I: idk. Me? Relationship? Me lovers? What???????

NF: That's what I think he means by "between thing"

I: And what? What aboutBB? My feelings for him?! They haven't gone anywhere

NF: You and SZ are about 95% of the way to having an affair.

I: My mom called why I was late. N I said I was in the basement talking n she asked who was I talking to? So I said "hmmmmm SZ..." n she mimicked me. And that's my mom !!!! On top of everything. As if he's my 24 yo unmarried going to marry me boyfriend

NF: heh

I: He took a risk to talk to me for so long in the basement. Everybody knows him in the office. He's a family friend of the owner. He calls him uncle. Was telling me about the paintings the owner has in his bathroom!!

NF: I wish you well in this. I hope you figure out what you really want.

I: i want to have an affair but im scared to begin n of how it will end

NF: Some people regret what that will do to the wife. Some don't.

I: he responded n said "nothing. see you on thursday"

NF: He could have seriously mixed feelings too

I: He was telling me that he wrote this huge email to me n in reply I sent him a longer email than his so he came to that n he's like "and yes! That was a long email! That was the longest email ive ever seen!!" I said but you wrote a long one too. So he said "yeah but I'm in a hotel room. I'm in shorts, doing nothing but just writing to you n answering to GC's phone calls. But you're in office!!!!" He was surprised. He was like "I started reading n I'm like why isn't this ending?!! Where the hell does this end?" Heheheheh n he was laughing. when he had called today, he tells me that when he responds to my emails, there's my pic in the right. so his colleagues, with whom I also talk, have seen him emailing me. They probably have read a little bit here n there too. n thats when i knew how he wud feel if i told him that H sir n Kaalu knows we email n that Kaalu has read a few too. im not including you in this

NF: So now people in the office are thinking you two are having an affair? That might discourage your boss.

I: heheheeh. SZ said ppl have noticed that we two talk a lot. that GC's secretary gave him the eyes n also taunted him saying "pay attention to work n stop getting involved with women!" it makes sense bcz SZ n i have nothing in common. why wud we even start a conversation????

NF: Oh, no work reason to talk

I: thats what he loves about me. he had very few conversations with ppl around him n nobody could hold a conversation. even relating to work. n then there's me!! who spoke about all nonsense crap n still it was interesting