#guys. you aren’t bad for feeding any specific food

[todaysbird]

I still think it’s incredible that people blindly accept big brands = unquestionably good when regarding pet care. If you can accept that human care products have been at times poorly researched or downright harmful (and with the brand’s knowledge) like in the Johnson & Johnson scandal, why do you not believe that a brand would mislead or lie to you when it’s regarding your pet?

[museofthepyre]

Every day I wake up with a start, drenched in a cold sweat, plagued by a reoccurring nightmare about the most baffling CHNT take I’ve ever seen, which basically went… ahem.

“So what if Jedidiah is avoiding and ignoring Sydney 😒? That’s not neglect, because he owes Sydney nothing. Jedidiah owes Sydney nothing. He has no obligation whatsoever to be there for Sydney, and it’s manipulative of Sydney to be upset about his absence.”

Ahhhhh yes. Indubitably. Y’know now that I think about it….

Y’know how food is used to symbolize love a lot in CHNT? And, do y’all remember file 18, when we got all those analogies for Sydney and Jedidiah’s current-day relationship in the form of childhood stories? Specifically that one where Jedidiah became so attached to a fruit fly that he couldn’t bare to let it go… so he put it in a container, kept it trapped, neglected to feed it, and watched it throw itself against the walls until it died of starvation?

Yeah. That starving insect was emotionally manipulating child Jedidiah by acting out in distress. I mean, throwing itself against the walls like that? Totally uncalled for. Jedidiah had absolutely no obligation to care for it. So what if he leaves it alone in there? That’s not neglect— he owes it nothing!!!!!

Wait. What do you mean he put the fly in the container. What do you mean he took on the responsibility of feeding it when he trapped it in a container, and took away its freedom to fly around and seek food for itself. All so he could keep the fly forever and never let it go. Without giving it a say, simply because he can’t handle saying goodbye. What do you mean the fly was acting erratically because it was starving and crying out for help. For the ONE PERSON who could feed it to just *notice*, and offer any sustenance at all. Or to just set it free. Errrrm… that’s actually emotional manipulation and we need to hold that villainous little fruit fly accountable.

Also side question what the fuck is a literary device and what do the words “analogy” and “metaphor” mean. What is that. Stop cursing at me. Those aren’t real words.

This couldn’t possibly be an “analogy” for how Jedidiah PREFORMED FORBIDDEN MAGIC ON SYDNEY to keep him “alive” and confined to the campgrounds (which he now cannot leave), simply because Jedidiah couldn’t bare to say goodbye. How he leaves him there to starve, all alone for 11 months out of the year, avoiding and ignoring him, PUTTING HIM IN THE CONTAINER AND NEGLECTING TO FEED HIM. Just looking in from the other side of the glass at his own convenience. Then being sad when Sydney acts out and withers, but never thinking to offer sustenance. Food being a metaphor for love, remember. Pfffffffft. That’s impossible and ridiculous!

Cough.

Also another side question what are themes and parallels. And why are there so many throwaway lines in CHNT lollllll like what significance does any of this have? Surely this has no deeper meaning.

Ok sarcastic bit over, that was painful. Media literacy is so dead it is fossilized in the deepest sedimentary layers of the earth’s crust. I’m sorry I hate getting fired up about this stuff but this strikes a NERVE in me.

Sydney has self-destructive and overall unhealthy responses to conflict, which often hurt more than help. Jedidiah owes Sydney his presence after ILLEGAL MAGIC-ING him into a state of pseudo-life and confinement to the campgrounds… for his own keepsake. Not to mention keeping him under the guise of a relationship, leaving him always reaching out an empty hand that’ll never find anything to hold.

They’re both flawed. This story has no blameless perfect protagonist. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BUY CLEAR CUT “GOOD GUY” AND “BAD GUY” NARRATIVES AT THE NUANCE STORE. Ok I’m done now

[h-didanart]

ALRIGHT I NEED TO RAMBLE

I have come up with ✨ideas✨ for Bloodmoon II in any and all human aus//variations!!!

Disclaimer they aren’t actually human. They’re vampires. Which yeah, predictable, but! I get creative with it I swear—

Second disclaimer, and I don’t know how else to put this, I mention organs and stitching together of body parts a lot, because, uh, that’s something that happens here. I don’t know how else to warn for that so… read safely?

This all started with me thinking about the human(oid) variation of the Quiet Throes guys in a bit of a funny scenario, they were gonna try foods out, but before that Solar had asked them if they had any food allergies— specifically to garlic —which they didn’t know, so Solar said that to test that out they should lightly lick a clove of garlic (don’t worry he has epipens)

So, obviously, Bloodmoon grabs the whole garlic and chugs it whole.

Turns out they are allergic to garlic

(They don’t need air, they’re fine)

And so I kinda started overthinking a couple details and it snowballed from there, so—

Vampire Bloodmoon, second version.

First off they’re double undead, once being a vampire, twice due to the way they were revived.

As a vampire, they feed on blood, they need and require it to function. They do not need to breathe, though they subconsciously do that when panicking and don’t like not having the option to do so (from the scenario above, they did not enjoy going through early anaphylaxis). They will not die unless their heart is punctured or goes through a lot of damages, but they are not invulnerable, they feel pain and definitely will be pissed if you try to go for a vital organ thinking they are human. They have an allergy to garlic, and crucifixes don’t exactly work on them (I don’t know how that part of vampire lore works so not including it, sorry), and they also have a sun allergy, it’s not bad enough for them to die but it’s annoying enough they would rather just cover themselves as much as possible or just not go outside. Night vision is an obvious to have, so is super strength, and they do have higher than average speed (not as fast as Jack tho), and yes they can turn into a bat. Could. Uh, I’ll explain in a bit

The second undead thing comes from the fact Ruin pulled a Frankenstein and stitched their body back together— throwing some extra organs and bones just in case before sewing new and unburnt skin over their wounds.

You see, the blast from the canon didn’t vaporize them, but it did burn them very badly, they managed to shift to their bat form right as the laser hit them— which actually caused more damage cuz bats are small— and were knocked out. They were veeeery much near death, their heart almost having been shot at and all— and Sun discreetly grabbing their charred bat body and chucking them into a trash can didn’t help—, but they didn’t die, instead their body very slowly tried to heal itself by entering some sort of hibernation. Which was broken when Ruin found them and fixed them up.

Unfortunately for Bloodmoon, the parts and extra stuff Ruin used wasn’t exactly compatible with their body. They were human and animal organs, some which started rotting immediately or would rot if they neglected themselves too much. This was probably a precaution on Ruin’s side to ensure the twins wouldn’t live long after their purpose was fulfilled— Which did not work by the way, they lived for damn near a year

So basically the twins have a bunch of stitching scars all around their body, mostly near their joints, very specifically under their left armpit, and, like, right on their abdomen I think. They also have just their normal scars from running around, fighting, falling off too high places they said they wouldn’t fall from, Ruin, wild animals, them accidentally sleep eating their own arm, etcetera etcetera. And top surgery scars. Don’t question where those are from.

Of course, barely any of those scars are ever on display, they’re always wearing their hoodie which covers the great majority of them, so usually only the scar under their left eye is seen. Which btw they have a lazy left eye, can’t see from that one either.

Also their hair color is different. Before their revival they had black hair that turned red at the tips. Once they were revived they had white hair with red speckles at the tips. They usually dye their hair to be redder whenever they can (with blood of course).

Oh and Ruin absolutely loved to play with their hair, it’s soft and curly and long, It would often braid their hair and pin random stuff to it.

Yeah the twins chopped most of their hair off after the Takeover

Oh and they also can’t fully shapeshift anymore, not into a bat, not into other people, though they can still mimic voices. Tho I’d like to think that if they’re mad enough they can sprout little wings from their back.

Anyways, to close this off I’d like to talk about Bloodmoon’s appearance after April 14th.

Any self care they could’ve showed prior to that date went out the window and was promptly forgotten for the next two months the remaining twin lived. Matted hair, more-than-usual dirtied clothes, halfway rotting body, you get the gist. They kinda just completely gave up in that front, turning their full attention to getting revenge no matter how much it cost.

And I made myself sad over them again, great.

And you probably don’t care about this but, I actually kinda stole the ‘walking around casually half rotted and then not giving a fuck over the body when in a fight’ thing from one of my ocs who’s technically a ghost but also not (Dan my lovely, I will release you into the world at some point)

So yeah that was me rambling about something I rarely if ever use

I can go into a lot of tangents for my different aus if asked, I mean, Hunter would probably have a different experience in being zombified than the Red Twins or Sickle, Buck and Styx are a whole fucking can of worms on their own, Original and Antho are literally the same side of different coins, and so

Anyways

Yeah :D

[sofipitch]

Can I say how much I hated HATED the freaking “lEStAt oNlY kILleD eViLOeRs” retconning bullshit AR pulled in TVL??? I get that there has to be some retconning to make it work and some of it is well done but that in particular is ridiculous and I will never accept it as canon. I really enjoyed TVL until the paragraph where Lestat is quickly going thru the events in the first book and shits on Louis’ whole account of events it is so condescending. “I can’t blame him for misunderstanding me I guess and I forgive his mistakes and the outright lies he told about me cuz I love him. How could he know I only ever killed bad people tehe he was a mess it’s really not his fault” (still overall like the book)… I know it’s the Louis girl in me and Louis isn’t perfect by any means but nah what we aren’t gonna do is invalidate everything he said and every experience he had just because you became obsessed with Lestat and started hating Louis.

I agree 100% and I am also a Louis truther. Usually what Louis lies about in IWTV is his feelings, as well as simply leaving certain scenes that might be too personal out (only part of what Lestat said that I believe, they were happy and it was unfair of Louis to hand wave that time). I tend to believe what he says goes in terms of what happened, so I believe that if Lestat actually stuck to the principle of "eating the evildoer" he would have told Louis. Like Louis struggles with eating humans and Lestat is so visibly concerned and upset there's no way that if that's what he did he wouldn't tell and give that option to Louis. Like even if Louis can't read minds why couldn't Lestat pick out the evildoers and bring it to him?

Also there are just discrepancies in Lestat saying he only ate evildoers, the children Claudia brings Lestat full of laudanum are CHILDREN, I'm sorry I don't believe children/babies are a tabla rusa but I also don't believe they are capable of being evil. And there is really no other way for that scene to make sense, an adult passed out from drinking maybe but it just isn't the same in terms of "she brought him a child to feed on as revenge bc of what he did to her in making her". Lestat also is described as killing TONS of slaves when they burn down the plantation, simply bc they found out that Louis and Lestat are, you know, blood sucking murderers

I also just hate the whole evildoer thing in the first place. Lestat actually comes up with the idea on his own before he meets Marius but decides a lot of ppl might do evil or commit crime do to circumstance, namely poverty. Instead of deciding to eat the rich Lestat just decides evil is hard to define and abandons the idea. But when Marius tells him to do just what he rejected he goes "Aye aye boss 🫡" It was a dumb way for AR to write her way out of that philosophical quandary

AR also uses the whole evildoer thing to promote her own weird views, namely super anti drug (AR was DARE paying you off for this?) campaign, which can get a little, well racist. QOTD specifically mentions Armand going to Latin America to find drug dealers and steal their money, which it's not like drug lords aren't an issue but how is it that they came to mind first and not the American elite rich who own companies like Walmart? I also don't believe in the death penalty and yes these are serial killer books but AR really tries to sell you the idea that they are good and moral for killing "bad" ppl, and in PL mention having a dungeon stocked full of prisoners as food 💀 It's fun as a horror concept but I REALLY get the feeling through reading that AR thinks this is good and not extremely fucked up for these wealthy pharmaceutical company owning vampire (I'm describing one guy but they all get their wealth inhumanely, landlording mostly, which AR seems to think is an honest living) to just get to decide what crimes are deserving of death

[independentzaun]

❣️+ Renata and Elise

SEND ME ❣️ + A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU… Still accepting

Who is the little spoon?

Normally it’s Sevika I think. She has a natural tendency towards wanting to be protective, and the one hugging and holding and all. On occasion though she rolls over, and Elise gets to be big spoon. As a note Sevika rolling over to be little spoon doesn’t necessarily mean she had a bad day or anything. Sometimes a person just wants to be held, the end.

Who sings in the shower?

I’m not sure either of them do with both of them spending so much time working, and only having so much time for other things and if they are taking time there’s a decent chance it’s with the other. If one of them does sing in the shower maybe Elise? Unless Sevika is drunk. If she’s drunk enough, and just vibing then enjoy hearing her singing or rapping some song she knows perfectly.

Who plays pranks on the other?

Sevika doesn’t play pranks. Over the years if she ever had that impulse it got left behind just because of life in general. With that said (because of having to endure Jinx) she also has a surprisingly high tolerance for being pranked, and does enjoy brat “taming” as well. So I think when there are pranks it’s from Elise, but they aren’t mean-spirited.

(cutting here because of length. That's it honestly.)

Who is the one who listens to pop music?

I...honestly am not sure because I don’t actually know what kind of music Elise likes. Huh. What kind of music does Elise like? If I really had to pick I’d say both. I’d say there are rather select pop music songs and artists Sevika likes be it because good to dance to or they talk about kissing girls or whatever else. Elise with how she travels different realms/universes probably enjoys/tolerates a wide range of music? Maybe?

Who brings the other a random cup of joe?

Can I just say both, and that they both probably drink too much coffee? If not I’m actually going to say Elise brings Sevika a random cup the most often.

Who picks the cheesy movies for date night?

I think Elise would. In any verse that had movies Sevika would be more inclined towards action, and horror. As for “cheesy romance movies” watch a movie like that with her and half of her comments are going to be “Yepp annnd there’s the refusal to take no for an answer….mmmhmmm because sharing everything that happened including the private stuff with your friends who will absolutely spread rumors is sooooo nice….oh look they are trapped together and the woman can’t get away… right and there’s the make over. Oh all of a sudden NOW she’s pretty? Fuck you if you can’t appreciate her how she was before hand…. No no no see I’ve been around guys. When they say that shit? They just want to get between your legs. That’s it. That’s all they want… I am so happy I’m not into men.”

Who is more likely to feed the other in public?

Elise. Not because of any cutesy reason exactly, but because Sevika doesn’t like sharing food. She grew up never having as much food as she’d have liked, and it’s a habit that has stuck with her. However there are specific dishes Sevika does share. They are almost always dessert dishes that are rich, and high calorie. Because it gives her an excuse to “cheat” a bit, but not to over do it.

Who gives the other random little compliments?

I think they both do. I don’t think it’s over done by either, but I think both will just randomly be like “Oh hey that’s really nice” when they see something the other has been crafting or whatever else.

Who is always stealing food from the other’s plate?

Sevika, the hypocrite, steals food from Elise’s plate. Look she’s practically twice the size of Elise she needs the extra food. Innocent smile. She never over does it though. It’s like a couple of french fries, or a small piece of steak or whatever.

Who is more likely to let the other borrow their car?

I was this close to saying Elise because Sevika has her car set up in specific ways. However than I realized that the six foot three broad shouldered muscular woman probably can’t comfortably fit in Elise’s drivers seat even if she pushes the seat all the way back. So I’m going to say Elise not actually being short at 5’8” (even if she looks short next to Sevika but than most people do) has an easier time scooting the seat up and setting Sevika’s car up to fit her than the other way around. End result is that Elise borrows Sevika’s car more often than Sevika borrowing Elise’s.

Who makes the list before they go grocery shopping?

Hmmmmm going with Sevika here. Because of her body type and all she’s actually gotten into the habit of meal planning, and having things planned out and all in terms of what groceries are needed throughout the week. So she’ll make two versions of the list actually. First one is just a list of what she needs. The second one (which is the one she uses) has the list of what she needs arranged by the section in the grocery store the item can normally be found in. Makes it easy to get to a section, grab things, cross it off, keep going.

Who makes sure the other takes their meds when sick?

Elise absolutely makes sure Sevika takes her meds. Sevika is a horrible patient, and bad at remembering to take meds. Elise being medic, doctor, and all wants to ensure Sevika does what she’s supposed to when she is sick. Sevika on the other hand is just like “Why can’t I just sit in a sauna or hot shower or something and sweat it out?” Sevika is half joking when she says that.

Who watches sports and has to teach the other the rules?

Sevika watches sports after a sense. It’s MMA, and poker. She could care less about Football, and the like. She will very happily teach Elise about the rules, and yes she watches poker championships.

Who pulls the other to their feet for a dance in the living room?

They both do honestly. Sometimes a particular song gets Sevika’s attention and she’s spent long enough in one club or another not to have any issues just getting up and dancing. Sometimes a song makes Elise want to dance, and she knows Sevika well enough to know Sevika won’t object. Sevika might be a big touch butch that doesn’t mean she doesn’t also have a soft side, and enjoy just being close with her lover. Side note, it’d be cute both of them teaching the other dances because I feel like although they probably have a couple dances in common they both also know a decent amount of dances the other does not.

Who has to keep reminding the other to hurry or they’ll be late?

This really depends on if one of them is working or not. If Elise is wrapped up in work stuff it’s Sevika. If Sevika is than it’s Elise. If they are both just available though it’s not an issue. They both have a good sense of schedules, and timing so long as they aren’t distracted by work. This is assuming it’s something planned, and known about. If it’s a sudden change in plans, and Sevika is in “I’m done for the day and just vibing” mode and probably messing with new card shuffles or something than Elise might need to remind her a couple of times.

Who is the one most likely to get a tattoo with the other’s name?

Neither because it’s bad luck to get someone’s name tattooed on you. If I have to pick one though it’s Sevika. Because Elise can’t get an ink tattoo.

[kariachi]

So, I triggered a Very Big Post from Angelo and for some reason reading through it my brain kept going to a topic I’ve only hit on like once in a drabble I think but deserves it own post, regarding a Kevin Headcanon.

We all know he has an unhealthy everything. We’ve all seen the boy, he needs a safe place to rest, steady access to food, a nice long nap, and some serious fucking therapy. Well we’re hitting on a specific point here.

Kevin has a unhealthy relationship with his own anger.

Again, we’ve all seen him. Kevin is an angry person (which makes sense, look at his life) with a quick temper and violent impulses. At one point we see him ready and willing to turn another car and it’s occupants into a pile of burning rubble for going slow on an empty road. We know from that same scene that he’s taken anger management courses, though what kind and how effective they were we don’t know. He’s generally the first on the team to go the aggressive route, and repeatedly does so rashly.

But, we also see points where he would be within his rights to get angry and he simply doesn’t, or brushes it off. A big one being when Vulkanus uses him for materials, where he not only lets him walk away but also keep the taedonite he mined off him. Or after Gwen drops him from near the ceiling of a mine during an argument, only for him to later brush off her apology for not listening to him and not even mention the dropped from the ceiling portion of the altercation. Moments where he’s been done wrong and it would well within his rights to get reasonably pissed, but he doesn’t really.

The immediate assumption would be that this is proof the anger management course worked, except the shit with Vulkanus happens before we hear about any anger management, and we hear about it in tandem with, again, Kevin about to launch missiles at another car.

So, alternate theory- Kevin doesn’t so much curb the worst of his temper as he just shoves it into a little box.

It makes sense given his history (how many times do we see his temper serve him well? tends to be shown just fucking shit up), would explain why Kevin ‘I went to beat a kid up for messing with my car’ Levin would just let some objectively worse shit go, and why some of the times we see a real flare of his temper the response is so out of proportion. Such as, say, nearly blowing up another driver, or during the Ultimate Kevin arc when his rampage includes shit like putting a guy in traction over under $10.

Because anger tends to be viewed as a ‘bad’ emotion, but it’s just as neutral as any other and needs to be managed properly. Not having control of your anger is bad and can cause a lot of problems, but repressing it is also an issue. One that can lead to things like blowing up when you finally let loose. In Kevin’s case near literally. Eventually you’re going to hit a wall and that anger is going to go somewhere. Which is why proper anger management involves learning methods of acknowledging and releasing your anger in a healthy way, while shoddier ones can just worsen things like repression.

It also feeds nicely into my things involving Kevin’s very blatant self worth issues and how they make him an easy target for people looking to take advantage of him or who just aren’t treating him right. Because part of the use of anger is to protect yourself, and when you’ve got a history of your anger only making things worse (and it would just get worse as you try to repress and then blow up and form a whole nasty cycle) and issues with your self worth and whether you deserve whatever is done to you, well. Suddenly you can’t let yourself be angry, and when you do there’s a higher chance of you going overboard or hurting someone (including yourself).

Very not healthy, which really just fits with the boy.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Three’s Company

Summary: Naomi goes to lunch with the newest member of the diagnostic’s team.

A/N: Listen, I will not rest until Tobias and Ethan are friends again.

~v~

“It’s not going to be as bad as you’re making it out to be, Ethan. Above all else, Tobias Carrick is a doctor and a professional.”

Ethan resists the urge to roll his eyes at his girlfriend. This situation isn’t her fault, and it’s not like Naomi can help the fact that she’s optimistic. He still huffs under his breath though. “Being a doctor isn’t synonymous with being a professional. Trust me, Tobias is nothing of the sort.”

The news of Tobias Carrick not only coming to Edenbrook but also joining the diagnostics team hasn’t been well received. On top of a pretty tense exchange between Bloom and Ethan, Harper also made it known that she wasn’t a fan, thankfully not as outwardly as Ethan had.

Naomi however, has remained neutral. She doesn’t have history with Tobias like Harper and Ethan do, only knowing him through their biased second hand accounts. Ethan grumbled that he’s arrogant–though the same can be said about him as well–and selfish, but Naomi isn’t one to judge someone without knowing them. And besides, he pitched in to help save her last year, so for the time being, Tobias Carrick has a few brownie points with her.

“You’re being dramatic. He’s been a doctor as long as you have, he went to the same prestigious medical school that you did–”

“He graduated at number two,” Ethan interjects.

At that dig, Naomi huffs. “You’re being ridiculous. And petty, for no reason.”

“Bloom went over our heads and hired him, so I’m automatically suspicious. I apologize for not believing this wasn’t done specifically to annoy me.”

Naomi can concede to it being a bit suspicious, but she isn’t going to admit to this conspiracy of all roads leading back to Ethan. She’s not going to needlessly feed into his ego and rile him up.

The two of them continue their trek throughout the halls of Edenbrook in silence, their fingers loosely interlocked the entire way there. Naomi revels in it, because she knows it’s the calm before the storm.

Before they cross the threshold to the office, Naomi stops Ethan in his tracks. She cranes her head back so they can look each other in the eye. “Listen, like it or not, Tobias is here, and until he does something that warrants your hostility, at least be cordial. Our patients don’t deserve us at anything less than our best.”

Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose, and silently counts to three, attempting to steel himself.

“Fine.”

“Thank you.” Raising their joined hands, Naomi brushes a fleeting kiss across his knuckles. “Now stop pouting, Ramsey, we have work to do.”

Ethan untangles their hands only to open the door for Naomi. Once she steps inside she’s greeted with the sight of Tobias fiddling with Ethan’s coffee maker. He looks and flashes them a sly smile. “Mornin’, lovebirds! Ready to get to diagnosing?”

Ethan flashes Naomi a quick look. This is going to be a long day indeed.

~v~

So Tobias’s first day with the team wasn’t smooth sailing like Naomi wanted. Ethan and Harper made it clear that his former friend and roommate wasn’t wanted anywhere near the team, whether it be through passive aggressive eye rolls, thinly-veiled exasperated sighs, or outright aggression via Ethan that spiraled into a tense argument. Naomi remained neutral, corralling all of the attention back to the task at hand: helping their patient.

Naomi isn’t interested in spending another day babysitting these grown adults, so hopefully day 2 is a lot more smooth.

And so far, she seems to be getting her wish. Morning tasks were distributed without a fight, and after their morning huddle, Harper went downstairs to prep for a surgery she has coming up later. The remaining 3 members of the team are all in their own little corners of the office, Ethan typing away on his laptop, Tobias lounging on the couch, and Naomi sitting at their large desk, a pile of books and printed copies of online articles all spread out in front of her.

The words are all starting to blur together, her focus slipping away with each second that ticks on. Being in the office isn’t doing anything for her creativity or brainstorming power. She needs a break.

Naomi closes her textbook and pushes out of her seat, tired of studying. She makes her way over to Ethan’s desk, observing his hunched shoulders and the deep line between his brows. She rounds his desk until she’s standing directly in his line of vision. “You know what? I think it’s time to take a break. How about you and I get out of here and get something to eat?”

Ethan tears his eyes away from his computer screen long enough to look at Naomi. He frowns softly. “I’m sorry, but I’ll have to take a raincheck. On top of the actual work I have to do for this team, Leland is demanding that I put together a presentation for the board meeting at the end of the week.”

“About what?”

“About the team. Cost versus benefit, outcomes, methodology, etc. Basically, he wants me to sell the diagnostics team to him all over again.”

“Sucks to be the boss at times?”

“De facto boss,” Ethan corrects. “Remember, this team is supposed to be a democracy now. Anyway, I want to get this presentation done as quickly as I can so I can stop thinking about it.”

“I could go for some lunch,” the third person in the room speaks up. Naomi and Ethan both turn around and see Tobias staring back at them. “Oh sorry, am I interrupting the private conversation the two of you are trying to have in our communal workspace?”

“What do you want, Carrick?”

Tobias’s eyes bounce back and forth between the couple. “Naomi wants to escape these four walls and get food. You aren’t available, and I am.” He shrugs. “What are you in the mood for, Valentine? I could go for some Italian, and there’s a good place a few blocks from here.”

“She’s not going to lunch with you,” Ethan grits out possessively. 

Naomi’s head whips around faster than she can stop herself. Since when did he get to make decisions on her behalf, especially when it’s not work related?

A small smirk settles on Tobias’s face. Naomi’s physical response to Ethan’s declaration does not go unnoticed by him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know your name was also Naomi Valentine. Whatever the case, I wasn’t speaking to you.”

“Naomi doesn’t–”

“Naomi doesn’t need an advocate to speak on her behalf because she’s an adult,” Naomi interjects sharply.

Whether she wants to accept or decline Tobias’s invitation to lunch, it’s her decision to make, not Ethan’s. His tumultuous relationship with Tobias is not her burden to bear, and he’s not going to force it upon her.

And just to prove it to him, Naomi turns around, her full attention back on Tobias, eyes alight with defiance. “You know what? Italian sounds delicious.”

~v~

20 minutes later, the unlikely duo is nestled into a corner booth of the Italian restaurant Tobias suggested. It’s a nice family owned joint that is currently experiencing a lunch rush. Every inch of the place is bustling with activity, the aromatic smell of sautéed garlic fills the air, soft music playing in the background. And while Naomi has yet to try the food, the restaurant is warm and inviting, and she likes it.

“You know, I’m really shocked you decided to take me up on my offer,” Tobias says, cutting into Naomi’s silent appraisal of their surroundings.

“I wasn’t going to turn down a free meal,” Naomi responds smoothly.

“A free meal?”

“Of course. You invited yourself, so you’re paying, Dr. Carrick. I’m thinking of ordering dessert, too.”

An easygoing smile tugs at the corners of her mouth as she speaks, and Tobias laughs. “I meant it because loverboy wasn’t too happy with it.”

“As much as I respect Ethan’s opinions on things, they don’t dictate my life. His issues with you have nothing to do with me, and if you think you can use me as a pawn to piss him off further, I’d advise you to think again.”

This young woman is brazen and full of sass. Tobias likes it. “It wasn’t my intention, I swear. It’s no secret that I’m not a welcomed member of the team, and you happen to be the only one who doesn’t roll your eyes or sneer whenever I speak. You are the closest thing I have to an...acquaintance, I guess.”

Naomi’s defenses deflate slightly at his shocking display of earnestness. She was expecting some display of bravado from the attending, so this has thrown her for a loop.

Tobias is nervous. She picks up on that energy almost instantly.

“Well like I said, their issues with you have nothing to do with me. I try to give everyone a fair shake.”

“I can respect that.”

“But in the interest of said fair shake, you have to answer a question for me. What are you doing here?”

“Here, in this restaurant?”

“At Edenbrook,” Naomi clarifies. “Kenmore is a level one trauma center, it was saved from getting snuffed out when it merged with Solomon, you guys stole my research candidate which brought in a lot of grant money. You had a decent gig there, so why did you come to Edenbrook? Why did you accept a position on Ethan’s team?”

Tobias shrugs. “I hit my threshold at Kenmore. I was at the top of the food chain, I had seen everything there was to see, done everything there was to do. I was...bored and restless. Edenbrook got injected with new blood, everything is new and exciting. Bloom said he wanted to take the team to new heights, and he offered me more money than I know what to do with to be a part of the vision.”

“Okay so who’s to say you’ll be satisfied just being a member of the team? How do I know you won’t attempt to stage a coup and take Ethan’s position?”

“Relax, sweetheart, I’m not gunning for your boyfriend’s spot.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart. There’s no need to be condescending.”

“I apologize. But Ethan’s spot on the team is safe. I don’t need Leland breathing down my neck and micromanaging me the way he does Ethan.”

Naomi’s eyes roam his face. He doesn’t have any tells, no eye shifting or twitching, no sudden movements with his hands or mouth, he doesn’t fidget in his seat. She has no reason to believe he’s lying, so she takes him at his word. “Okay.”

“Any other burning questions?”

“Why aren’t you and Ethan friends?”

Tobias doesn’t immediately answer, opting to take his sweet time to think on it. He pulls his lip in-between his teeth, before shrugging. “We’re too similar. Too driven, too ambitious, too stubborn. Two people can only go on the same path for so long before a collision happens.”

“It got ugly because you two wanted the same girl?”

Tobias scoffs. The faceless woman that he was adamant that he was in love with is at the bottom of his list of concerns. “She was just the tip of the iceberg.”

That manages to catch her interest. Naomi sits up in her seat and leans forward slightly. “So what happened?”

Naomi can see the exact moment that Tobias withdraws from the conversation. His posture gets stiff again and he averts his gaze.

“Okay, riddle me this, Carrick,” Naomi continues. “Ethan told me he reached out to you after you had your falling out, but you rebuffed him. Is that part true?”

“He called and asked if we could talk, I said no. I didn’t hear from him again until everything happened with Leland last year.”

“You didn’t want to make amends?”

Making amends and having his old friend back did sound nice once upon a time, but being friends with Ethan again means being in his shadow again. And that’s what led them to this whole thing in the first place. Tobias sighs and scrubs his hand across his jaw. He came here to eat a plate of ravioli and maybe annoy Ethan, not pour his heart out. What is it about Naomi Valentine and those big brown eyes of hers that makes him want to twist himself inside out and spill his guts? Is she some sort of siren?

“Making amends means I’d have to own up to my wrongdoings. I’d have to swallow the fact that I torpedoed our friendship,” Tobias confesses before he even realizes the words are out of his mouth. “Admitting fault and being vulnerable isn’t my strong suit.”

She doesn’t mean to, but Naomi giggles. And that giggle turns into a laugh. A loud one that attracts the attention of a few patrons, a hard feat to accomplish in the middle of a bustling restaurant, but she does it with ease.

“I’m sorry,” Naomi says once she finally calms down. She takes a deep breath before continuing. “God, no wonder you two were best friends. You are just as emotionally constipated as Ethan.”

“Emotionally constipated?” Tobias’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline at the blunt statement. And once the shock wears off, he laughs along with. “Touché, Valentine. Touché.”

~v~

Across the way, at the bar on the other side of the dining room, Ethan watches as his girlfriend and his former friend carry on like two bosom buddies. 

Ethan decided to follow them approximately 10 minutes after they left, sheer curiosity getting the better of him. Before he could stop himself, he was in his car and at the restaurant, seated far enough away from them so he’s out of their line of vision, but close enough to see.

Naomi is in the zone, talking excitedly and Tobias sits there, soaking it all up like what she says and does is gospel. Their friendly interaction stirs irritation in the pit of his stomach, but it’s when Naomi lets out a boisterous laugh does he reach his limit. Ethan’s grip on the small tumbler in his hand tightens, and it’s a miracle he doesn’t end up with a million tiny shards of glass in his palm.

What on earth has Tobias said to make Naomi laugh like that? And why is he laughing with her?

Ethan doesn’t like it one bit, for a multitude of reasons. He doesn’t like other men being around Naomi–it’s ridiculous and sexist of him to feel this way, but Ethan is a possessive caveman, and he makes no bones about it. Seeing her actually laughing with Carrick of all people and enjoying his company makes him want to throw the drink ware he’s currently holding.

Deciding enough is enough, Ethan slams the glass down onto the bar and stands up. After dropping a $20 bill on the counter he makes his way over to Naomi and Tobias, unadulterated jealousy and alcohol fueling every step.

Tobias notices him first, and he jerks his head in Ethan’s general direction in order to get Naomi’s attention. She turns around and her eyes go wide at the sight of Ethan.

“Ethan? What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood.”

Now her eyes are narrowed. “You finished that big presentation you had to work on?”

Ethan sniffs haughtily. Leave it to her to throw that back in his face. “I decided that a break was okay.”

“And you coincidentally ended up at this restaurant?”

“Yup.”

Naomi stands up, muttering a quick “excuse me,” in Tobias’s direction and grabs Ethan’s hand, pulling him away. They nestle into a quiet corner of the restaurant, far away from the table, closer to the kitchen. The door constantly swings open and closed, as the waitstaff goes in and out.

Once they get a moment of quiet, Naomi glares at Ethan, the expression on her face nothing short of annoyed. “Are you spying on me? Because spying on me implies that you don’t trust me.”

“What? Of course I trust you!”

“So what are you doing here, Ethan?”

Ethan bites the inside of his cheek and rocks on the balls of his feet. “Okay, so I was spying.” Naomi opens her mouth to say something, but Ethan beats her to the punch. “It’s not because I don’t trust you! It’s him that I don’t trust.”

“Tobias has been nothing short of a gentleman,” Naomi says and Ethan snorts. “He’s acting a lot of a lot more mature than you are, I can say that much.”

“That’s not fair.”

“No, what’s not fair is you treating him like he’s a criminal when he’s given you no reason to do so.”

“He’s given me plenty of reason, Naomi!”

“The last time we saw Tobias, I was near death and he helped save my life,” Naomi says, and that’s more than enough to get Ethan to shut up.

Ethan’s heart slams against his rib cage with enough force to make him think the organ is trying to leave his body. Months have passed since the assassination attempt, but the mention of it is enough to cause Ethan to go into a panic.

“And the time before that, we stole a patient right out from under him, and before that we got into a fight at a freaking hospital softball game,” Naomi continues. “You haven’t been all good, and he hasn’t been all bad, so stop pretending to have the moral high ground.”

“This past year, you made a lot of strides in your personal life. You battled a lot with your mom, but you came out of it, a more well rounded individual, so do not let Tobias’s presence cause you to backslide. I’m not saying he has to be your best friend, but I refuse to tolerate this type of nonsense past today.”

He takes a moment to digest what she’s saying, begrudgingly of course because he doesn’t really want to admit that he hasn’t been behaving like the mature, adult professional that he usually is.

Ethan nods and places a kiss on Naomi’s forehead, his lips lingering there.

“Are you listening to me?”

Ethan kisses the apples of her cheeks, inwardly smirking as he feels Naomi smile. “I promise you that I’ll keep myself in check from now on.”

“And if you don’t, I will.”

The threat causes Ethan to lose focus. She clearly doesn’t mean it in a seductive way, but he can’t help that his brain instantly goes to the gutter when she’s involved. Now he wants nothing more than to be alone with her, with any flat surface readily available.

“Yes ma’am,” Ethan murmurs before capturing her lips with his own.

Naomi doesn’t allow herself to get swept up in the kiss, because she knows Ethan is using it to distract her. She untangles herself from his grip and pulls away before he’s able to get any more leverage.

“Can we go back to the office now?” Ethan asks.

“Absolutely not. I came here to have lunch, so we’re having lunch.”

Ethan frowns. “You still want to go through with this?”

“I didn’t come here to teach you a lesson, and I’m actually enjoying Tobias’s company, so I’m staying. And you’re staying here too.”

“No.”

“You followed me here, you don’t have a choice.”

Ethan reluctantly follows Naomi back to the table, where Tobias is studying the menu. He doesn’t even look up when he hears footsteps approaching. “I’m debating on if I want the ravioli or the chicken parm, which one–” his voice falters as he sees Ethan.

“Look who’s decided to join us for lunch!” Naomi says brightly, steamrolling over the building tension. She pushes Ethan into an empty chair, not giving him a second to turn away.

Tobias opens his mouth to object, “But–”

“I’m going to head to the restroom,” Naomi says. “And one of you guys is ordering me a limoncello, because Tobias is treating.”

She flounces off, not giving either man a chance to respond or argue with her.

Tobias laughs. “Is she always like this? So bossy?”

“Naomi is unapologetically assertive,” Ethan corrects. “She makes no bones about it.”

“The scary part about it is I’m 100 percent going to order her a limoncello, because she’s not the type of person you say no to.”

This time it’s Ethan’s turn to laugh. It’s nice to know he’s not the only unsuspecting sap that cannot say no when Naomi turns on her charm.

Once the laughter tapers off, the former friends are plunged into silence. Ethan checks the time on his watch, watching the seconds stretch on. He needs Naomi to come back. Seriously, how long does it take to use the restroom? He spares a quick glance at Tobias, who’s pointedly not making eye contact with him either.

Eventually Tobias speaks up, “Look, I didn’t come to Edenbrook to cause any trouble. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity that came with more money than I could count.”

“Naveen started this team with the most honorable of intentions,” Ethan says. “This was his life’s work, and he entrusted me with it. You cannot possibly understand the loyalty I have to him, so forgive me if I’m extremely protective over it and skeptical of your motives, which haven’t always been pure.”

“I’m just here to save lives, and work on the most fascinating medical cases of our generation. I know how important this team is, and I’d never intentionally disrespect Naveen like that.”

Ethan nods. That’s all he can really ask of Tobias. “Then I guess we’re good.”

“Good.”

“Great.”

Another beat of silence passes and Tobias awkwardly drums his fingers along the stem of his water glass. “So...you and Valentine?”

The question is out of left field and Ethan’s brows furrow in confusion. “Uh, yeah, me and Valentine.”

“I like her,” Tobias says definitively. When Ethan glares at him, Tobias rolls his eyes. “Not like that. Relax, I get it loud and clear that she’s off limits. Besides, I know you’re head over heels in love with her.”

A scarlet flush creeps up Ethan’s neck at Tobias’s matter of fact declaration. “Love? I’m...we don’t...I don’t–”

Tobias smirks. “Oh man. You’ve got it bad.”

That much, Ethan is willing to share. “Yeah, I do.”

“Naomi did say we’re both emotionally constipated, and that blubbering you just did proves her point,” Tobias teases. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

The L-word has floated around in the back of Ethan’s mind for months, but he’s always been able to squash it down, locking it away in the deepest recesses of his brain. But hearing someone else say it is something entirely different. Ethan can’t run away from the thought.

Tobias has known since last year. He suspected something when Ethan came to defense during the softball game, but it was confirmed as soon as he saw them together after the incident with the senator. He had never seen Ethan so out of sorts, not even when they competed for the affections of the same woman back in school. Naomi is different. She has the power to bring Ethan to his knees.

“I hope you know that you’re punching way above your weight with that one,” Tobias adds teasingly.

It’s something Ethan thinks about constantly. Naomi could do so much better than him, but every day she chooses him. “Absolutely.”

“And for what it’s worth, she’s just as much into you. The woman gives you heart eyes whenever you’re around. It’s disgusting, to be quite frank.”

The sentence warms Ethan from the inside out. He’ll never get over knowing Naomi wants him just as much as he wants her.

Thankfully Naomi chooses that moment to come back to the table, giving the men something else to focus their attention on. She settles into a seat next to Ethan, and he immediately wraps an arm around her, his fingertips stroking her arm. Tobias observes the fleeting moment of intimacy with a private smile.

Naomi’s eyes flicker back and forth between the men. “Everything okay over here?”

Tobias and Ethan both look at each other, a silent moment of understanding passing between them. Ethan nods. “Everything is fine.”

Naomi smiles. Maybe there’s hope for them yet. “Good. Now let’s flag down a waiter and get some food.”

~v~

Tags: @mvalentine @choicesaddict5 @professorkingslay @maurine07 @aka-calliope @bluebellot @whimsicallywayward15 @blossomanarchy @takemyopenheart @jamespotterthefirst @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @ao719 @x-kyne-x @colourmeshy @paulfwesley @the-pale-goddess @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramseyx @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @thatysn @bellcat2010 @blainehellyes @cecilecontrera @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @caseyvalentineramsey @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey

[ironwoman359]

Completely agree on nagas being underutilized and having a ton of potential. Both as the whumpee and the whumper….

So now I have to know. Which do you prefer…(and maybe why…talk whumpy to me lol)

Naga whumper? Or naga whumpee…

cw: whump, captivity, dehumanization, possessiveness, abuse, torture, angst with little to no comfort

Oh, I am delighted you asked, friend...it's not like I just did a bunch of research on snake health for a bad things happen bingo fic* with a naga whumpee....it's not like doing so gave me MANY more ideas than I was able to fit into that one story...and its not like I have many thoughts on how nagas could fit into the traditional creature whump tropes (that I also was reading and rereading for 'research' while writing We Blankly Stare). This is going under a cut, because, like all my fics, it got longer than I meant it to. (also, to my regular followers who aren't into heavy whump, don't mind me as I go off on a tangent into a totally different fic community; you can skip this one if you need to; at the very least mind the content warnings <3)

SO, nagas. Beautiful creatures. Like centaurs, 'human' on the top and snake on the bottom. SO much lovely whump potential, either as whumpers or whumpees, but lets focus on the whumpee side for now. In no particular order...

Pet Whump:

Decorative collars set with jewels that compliment the pattern of their highly polished scales and delicate gold chains weaving their way along their body, equal parts jewelry and restraint. They are highly prized, beautiful things, and what is the point of owning one if not to show it off?

Inviting a crowd to come and watch them feed, demonstrating their dislocating jaws and sharp fangs as they toss rodents to them whole. Bonus angst points if raw meat actually makes your naga whumpee sick, or they can eat raw meat but cooked is better. Just because they look like a snake doesn't mean they eat like one

Is your naga whumpee poisonous? Have their owner remove their fangs or poison glands, leaving them utterly dependent on them for food (and utterly helpless if they do ever manage to escape)

Nagas bred in captivity, so the only life they've ever known is one of imprisonment. Do they even consider freedom as something attainable? Or do their owners have them convinced that they're better off like this?

Lab Whump:

Nagas that are actually human/snake hybrids created in laboratory experiments just to see if it was possible.

Nagas who are kept in order to produce venom, what the venom is for could be anything!

Nagas 'enhanced' with mind and/or body altering drugs or magic to serve in the military as the perfect warrior

Nags used for experiments and drug tests because they are seen as less than human

Torture Whump:

As is the case with most torture whump, the 'why' the whumpee is being tortured isn't really important here. Maybe they have information the whumper wants, maybe the whumper is trying to get revenge or hurt whumpee's team, maybe they're just cruel. This isn't really about the 'why' so much as it is the specific 'hows' that having a whumpee who is part snake provides.

Pulling/cutting off scales, pulling out or filing down fangs, clipping or tearing off claws (a creature whump classic)

Naga specific (this is more of a lizard thing than a snake thing, but nagas aren’t real, we make the rules here!) body part removal: cutting off the tail! It doesn’t matter that it grows back, it still hurts every time. (or maybe the tail doesn’t grow back, and the naga is left unable to ‘walk’ properly)

Rough iron collars around their neck attached to a ball and chain, bonus points if the length of the chain prevents them from rising to their usual 'standing' height.

Hang them from the ceiling with cuffs and chains by their tails; upside down, right-side up, however you choose!

My those snake bodies are long...I wonder how long they can stretch?

I have one word for you: thermoregulation. Reptiles cannot regulate their own body heat, they are dependent on their environment. This gives us a whole HOST of reptile-specific torture techniques:

temperature shock: dump them in freezing water or spray them with a high-pressure hose. Unpleasant for any kind of whumpee, for the naga whumpee this has the added bonus of being fatal very quickly if they aren't warmed up.

It's not good for a snake to be too HOT either, they need to cool their bodies off just as often as they need to warm them up (don't quote me precisely on that, snake tumblr). A whumper who keeps their naga under bright, hot lights nearly constantly so they're dehydrated, covered in blisters, and/or always feverish (can a naga get a fever? idk, up to you. snakes don't, but snakes don't have human torsos. we can be wishy washy with health issues)

So extreme heat and extreme cold are bad, but did you know that (while it's breed specific) most snakes lose its ability to thermoregulate at around 70 degrees Fahrenheit? When their body temperature drops below this (but not so low that we're in hypothermia territory), their movements are sluggish, they cannot/will not eat, and it is very easy for them to develop infections, scale rot, all sorts of problems. Does the whumper keep them in low temperatures to make them weak and pliable in their hands, easy to control? Does the whumper use these conditions as a punishment for bad behavior? Or give reprieve from them as a reward for good behavior? There’s just SO much that can be done with temperature alone! It’s one of the things that sets nagas apart from other creatures and THAT is one of the most criminally underused aspects, in my oh so humble opinion!

Other Fun Concepts:

Nagas with their tails trapped under rubble, unable to pull themselves free.

Nagas kept in a cage that's far too small for them, their body wrapped up so tightly they can barely move.

Did you know that when a snake's body temperature is too low, it can't digest its food? And that if it does eat something and then doesn't have the energy to digest it properly, it will either instinctually regurgitate that food back up or run the risk of the food literally rotting in its stomach? Take this knowledge into literally any of the pet or torture scenarios and you have some A+ snake specific whump

Tiny nagas! Like the western hognose snake or the ringneck snake, these little guys can fit in the palm of your hand! Apply literally any previously listed scenario to your tiny naga for instant fantasy g/t whump! also vore...that's not my scene but it was one of like, two things i found while looking for naga whump on tumblr earlier, so I feel obligated to mention it.

Giant nagas, YOU can fit in THEIR hands. Does that make them the whumper, or still the whumpee? You decide!

Water nagas! combine mer whump with naga whump and you’ve got a water snake to hurt!

Nagas with scale rot, respiratory infections, kinks in their spine, or other snake health issues, either from mistreatment from a whumper or natural causes.

As you can tell, I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, lol. I hope you enjoyed, and if anyone writes anything based off these, I’d love to see it! Also, HAVE I been considering making a whump sideblog for awhile? yes. Did writing this post convince me to finally do it? Also yes. So I'll be over at @ironwhumper359 if you'd like to talk more whump with me, I’d be delighted to have you :)

*if you would like to read said bad things happen bingo fic, know that while it is labelled Sanders Sides, because that’s the fandom I mainly write it, the first chapter only has one character from the series in it and is honestly much more of an original whump piece than it is a fanfic. The second and third chapters are more fandom specific (though you’re of course still welcome to read them even if you’re not a sanders sides fan), but that first one can be read as stand-alone whump!

[bestworstcase]

I like your thoughts on how Rapunzel was handling things wrong in “Rapunzel: Day One.” The episode tries to imply that Cassandra is wrong for not sharing her feelings with Rapunzel, but is a Rapunzel really the person Cassandra should be opening up to? Rapunzel never respects Cassandra’s boundaries. Cassandra’s a private person. Rapunzel doesn’t respect that. And just because Cassandra doesn’t want to open up to everyone doesn’t mean that she’s bottling things up.

ok so this is gonna be a long one bc tbh i like. fundamentally disagree that RDO, the narrative of RDO, in any way positions cassandra as the one at fault for the emotional conflict between her and raps.

to digress a bit - while tts is not immune to Aesop Episodes (e.g. rapunzel's enemy or you're kidding me) wherein the characters close out the story by talking about What They've Learned, ultimately i don't think tts can or should be read as a morality play. it's a story where sometimes characters just... fuck up and the narrative doesn't waste its time on hand-holding or spoon-feeding us the moral.

anyway, i submit that RDO is what i'll call a False Aesop Episode. it follows the basic structure of an Aesop Episode (protagonist acts badly -> protagonist learns a lesson) but the lesson rapunzel learns is a bad one. it's like if you took... say, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" as an aesop, the False Aesop here is rapunzel confidently eating a rotten apple and then being blindsided a few months later when the doctor who kept begging her not to eat food with maggots in it steals the moonstone from under her nose and runs off into the night with her new demon pal--

and that metaphor got away from me a little bit but you get the idea.

#1: constructing the conflict

the episode opens with cassandra. she's training; we see the sword fly out of her injured hand; lance suggests she take a break, and she answers, "thanks to rapunzel's little trick at the great tree, i have to relearn everything using this hand, so breaks aren't really an option."

she isn't harsh about it. her demeanor isn't all that different from her normal self—she even segues into a very typical concern (that the woods are dangerous and they should all be on their guard) and banters with lance a bit.

what this communicates, immediately and succinctly, is that:

1. cassandra's injury is severe. it's disabling. she's either in immense pain or she's lost all the strength in that hand or both.

2. cass is really upset about this, and not happy with rapunzel.

3. nevertheless cass is keeping her feelings more or less in check; the worst anyone could say about her is she's being a bit more curt than normal.

which is to say, she's acting quite reasonable. she's not taking out her hurt feelings on anyone else or being mean or lashing out, and she's not hiding her injury either. the most concerning thing about her behavior here is actually that she's focused on training so she can do her job instead of on healing or resting or taking care of herself.

then there's a pan over to rapunzel, who is angrily watching this play out while venting to pascal. "i get why cass is mad at me," she says. "she told me—" huge disdainful rolling of eyes here "—not to use the decay spell back and the tree, and i did, and she hurt her hand. but if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! and i feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it!!"

line this up against cassandra's behavior and spot the differences.

cass is focused on her injured hand. cass is upset because rapunzel accidentally mutilated her in the great tree. that's what this conflict is about for cass; her injury, and how she feels about being injured.

by contrast, rapunzel thinks the conflict is about them not listening to each other. she does acknowledge that cass was injured, but 1. she puts the blame on cass, and 2. has shoved the fact of the injury to the periphery of the conflict. it's not important, it's just a natural consequence of the real conflict, which is cass being mad and petty and refusing to talk to her about how she's unfairly blaming rapunzel for something that wasn't rapunzel's fault.

[i will add here that this behavior from rapunzel is 100% not knowing how to handle guilt and externalizing it as anger, and this thread of rapunzel burying her guilt gets picked up again in rapunzeltopia; it isn't that rapunzel doesn't care that cass is hurt, so much as she's just not emotionally equipped to process these feelings in a healthy way so it mutates into...this.]

and where cass handles her feelings in a pretty reasonable way, rapunzel rants and raves and draws cass as a literal monster with fangs and claws—she's stewing in her out of control emotions and concludes that she just has to find a way to force cass talk to her, which she does shortly thereafter by ordering—not asking—cass to come with her to search for parts to fix the caravan.

#2: the breakdown of communication

i've said it before but it bears repeating: cassandra might not be perfect, but she's a good communicator. in s1 and the front half of s2, she shares her feelings with rapunzel readily and frequently. when she tries to set boundaries with rapunzel, she's able to be clear and specific about what she needs. when she expresses frustration with eugene or her dad or rapunzel, she's very articulate about exactly what she's frustrated about. she can recognize when politer, softer refusals are being ignored and become blunter and more specific to ensure the message is getting across.

the moments when cass struggles to communicate are noteworthy because they're not normal. they signal that she's in acute crisis. think of how her unhinged rant about adira in RATGT heralded a complete emotional breakdown. she clams up in RDO because it's the only thing she can do to protect herself. because rapunzel is an inexperienced nineteen year old who learned all her social "skills" from a manipulative, egotistical abuser and nowhere in the series does that show more than in RDO.

rapunzel knows cass doesn't want to talk about the great tree, so she isolates cass from the rest of the group with the intention of forcing her to talk about it anyway. she's passive aggressive at first: chattering about inanities and trying to bait cass into 'opening up,' and acting vexed and guilt-trippy when she finds out cass brought owl along. she broaches the subject by going "too bad there's not an open-up-to-your-best-friend-about-the-thing-you-guys-are-fighting-about wand, huh?"

then she leads with "i know you're mad at me, but i did the right thing. i didn't have a choice," which... what can cass even say to that? she acknowledged cassandra's anger in one breath and followed up with "but you're wrong tho" in the next. that statement makes cassandra's feelings about her debilitating injury into an argument about Who Was Right.

this is a game that cass tries very hard not to play. "look, if you feel that way, then it's fine. we're good," she says, which is a statement that is not true at all on its face but - what it means is that if rapunzel wants to turn this into a debate about Who Was Right, cass will concede because that's not an argument she's invested in. cass does not want to put her feelings on trial so rapunzel can pick them apart and decide whether she deserves to have them or not.

so she disengages. the sun sets. they camp. rapunzel pokes her again, this time with a more direct approach: "cass, i need to talk about what we both know is going on between us."

and that's when cass throws up a WALL. prior to RDO, when cass is pressed on her feelings, she either: 1. opens up and explains to the extent that she's able (e.g. under raps or RATGT), or 2. flatly shuts the conversation down (e.g. cassandra vs eugene). but in RDO?

"there's nothing to talk about."

"i never said i was upset."

"what makes you so sure that you know how i'm feeling?"

this is cass falling off the end of her rope. this is a cass who spent the last year and a half with rapunzel running roughshod over every boundary cass exhausted herself trying to set. this is cass maybe a few weeks out from rapunzel screaming at her in front of all their mutual friends and then telling her "i am going to make decisions you don't agree with and i need you to be okay with that" when cass tried to open up about her deepest insecurities. this is cass spiraling into despair because she's seen that her best friend cares more about assuaging her own guilt and exerting her authority as a princess than she does about cassandra's feelings.

this is the moment when the friendship dies.

#3: the memory wipe, cassandra's apology, and the false aesop

the details of the tangled-but-cass shenanigans are not super important for the purposes of this discussion. suffice it to say that cassandra lashes out in the heat of the moment, seriously harms rapunzel by mistake, and spends the rest of the episode trying to repair the damage, then apologizes to rapunzel for hurting her. this is, obviously, the correct thing to do when you hurt someone, even if it was an accident.

you see the parallel here, yeah?

rapunzel hurt cass with magic by accident, and then made cass's hurt feelings all about her, blamed cass for the injury, twisted the facts to justify her own indignation, picked a fight about Who Was Right and invalidated cassandra's feelings, and pushed and pushed and pushed until cass blew up and lashed out at her.

cassandra also hurt rapunzel with magic by accident, and then she set aside her own hurt feelings from the argument they were having before to focus one hundred percent of her energy on brewing a cure and keeping amnesiac rapunzel safe, readily admitted her fault, and offered an earnest apology for losing her temper as soon as she could reasonably do so.

if RDO were a true Aesop Episode, this would be the lesson, and rapunzel would of course learn from cassandra's good example and reciprocate by apologizing for the accident in the great tree and her abysmal behavior afterwards—and in a reflection of how cass shared how bottling up her anger allowed it to erupt in a catastrophic way, rapunzel would probably confess that her demanding, selfish behavior came from a place of feeling awful about what happened and terrified that it would ruin their friendship.

but RDO is a False Aesop Episode. rapunzel isn't emotionally equipped to handle the intensity of her guilt, and she lacks the social insight and empathy to draw comparisons between what she did to cass and what cass did to her, so she can't connect the two situations in her head to understand what she's doing wrong. the true aesop flies right over her head, and instead what she learns is this:

1. she was right about cass being upset

2. backing cass into a corner fixed the problem

3. friends really do "just know"

4. being pushy and forceful was the right thing to do.

because the thing is, when cass apologizes for the accidental memory wipe, she truthfully explains why she acted the way she did—she's furious and she didn't want to talk about it, so she held it in as long as she could and then exploded when the pressure became too much—and for rapunzel, i think the explanation and the actual apology get conflated. meaning, cass says "i'm sorry for what i did out of anger" and what rapunzel hears is "i'm sorry for being angry."

and because of that misunderstanding, from rapunzel's perspective her own indignation has been validated and her behavior justified, because she was right all along and cass shouldn't have been angry with her in the first place and now everything is fine--

but it's not fine.

we're not supposed to share rapunzel's perspective here, because she's flat out wrong. nothing is really better and nothing has really changed, except that rapunzel got the talk she wanted and stops putting this intense pressure on cass. so as we enter the house of yesterday's tomorrow, rapunzel is taking it for granted that things are fine with cass, and meanwhile cass is still injured, still angry, still as aloof as she can be without getting rapunzel breathing down her neck again... and then she meets zhan tiri, who gives her everything she needed and couldn't get from rapunzel.

like, to my mind, this is the entire point of RDO, that rapunzel makes this catastrophic mess of trying to patch things up after RATGT and comes out of that mess wrongly thinking she succeeded. the episode is presented through the lens of rapunzel's perspective, but the lines are very wide and i absolutely think the intention is for the audience to read between them and understand the reality that rapunzel has sort of blinded herself to.

[lovelyirony]

hi hello i am feeling very angsty so: rhodeytony ft tony's worrying lack of interest in avoiding getting kidnapped and his bodyguard rhodes' increasing stress levels to save a boss that doesn't want to be saved (and, if the flutter in his heart should be anything to go by - should not be his boss anymore). bodyguard to lovers??

Rhodey is a good bodyguard. Hell, he’s the best. 

That was why Pepper Potts hired him, after all. He’s not easy to fool, can follow anyone with a dogged determination that nearly defies human nature. He’s had successful stories before with glowing reviews from multiple people from all different threatened backgrounds. 

(Including at least three world leaders and a pope.) 

Tony Stark is...new. Well, nearly new. He’s a businessman, which isn’t anything out of the ordinary for Rhodey to deal with. 

…except Tony’s highly eclectic, a billionaire, and purposely makes his behavior as erratic as possible. 

It’s fun. What can Rhodey say? He loves a challenge, and Tony is about as challenging as they come. 

-

When he first starts, Tony tries every trick in the book. Rhodey still sticks to him, although he does leave some distance. Tony tries to make him uncomfortable by bringing just about everyone who looks home, and all Rhodey says is, “you gonna feed them cereal when they wake up? Because that’s all you have in your pantry right now, and you don’t pay me to do the shopping.” 

Tony scowls at that, and then changes his strategy. 

-

It’s an odd strategy. 

Tony decides he will just make Rhodey his friend, starting with the nickname of “Rhodey.” 

“That’s stupid,” Rhodey says, because he can already tell it will stick. 

“Not my problem, just my solution,” Tony grins. “Now come on, we’re getting burgers.” 

They’re at a sit-down restaurant. One of Tony’s favorites, actually. Rhodey is not sure why he’s sitting down across from the man with the most influence in the world, but he is. 

“So, what’s new with you? Who are you?” Tony asks. “Pepper sent me your file. You’re from Philly, right?” 

“Oh my god, you sound weird when you say it like that,” Rhodey says, deciding against formality as he basically tells Tony Stark that he sounds weird and shouldn’t say “Philly.” 

“Oh what, is that not what the locals call it?” 

“I’m going to take you there and they’re going to beat you up.” 

“Not the worst Sunday night I’ve ever had,” Tony mentions. “Hey, look at the menu. I don’t want you to flounder when the waitress shows up and you know fuck-all about what they have to offer.” 

“Okay asshole, any recommendations?” 

“The banana milkshake and bacon-burger.” 

Rhodey looks at the menu. 

He does end up with the bacon-burger, but chooses strawberry for his flavor of milkshake. 

“You traitor.” 

“Oh am I? Well then let me tell Pepper that you stole the last good pen she had then-” 

Tony flings a fry at him, and Rhodey laughs. 

- 

Here’s a concerning thing: Tony has a very “c’est la vie” approach about kidnapping. 

Like he genuinely doesn’t really give a shit if he knows what’s going on, or even if he doesn’t. 

Rhodey was eagle-eyed and chased a van three fucking blocks and caught up to the driver, wherein he punched his lights out and got Tony out. His hands were bound in zip-ties and his suit was rumpled, but Tony just blinked at him. 

“You think you broke a racing record with that?” 

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did they take anything?” 

Rhodey’s all over Tony, checking for any injuries, any stolen wallets or watches, and thank god everything is there. (Not that Tony would really care if anything was stolen, save for his sunglasses. He spends far too much on those, in Rhodey’s opinion.) 

“Okay geez,” Tony says, batting Rhodey’s hands away. “I’m fine. These people were amateurs. Shit, I’m running late for my consultation meeting, aren’t I?” 

“You just got kidnapped,” Rhodey says, tone rife with disbelief. “You just got taken and your concern is with the consultation meeting?” 

“Well I figured that you were going to come by or I’d be gone a lot longer, but now that I’m not? Yeah. Yeah, I am concerned with the consultation meeting. It’s a tech start-up company, only not that shitty Silicon-nice-guy start-up. It’s a more inclusive thing. I don’t know, I read their little ‘about’ section on their website. Which needs work. But that’s besides the point.” 

Rhodey just follows, dumb in disbelief. 

The few rare times that previous clients have been kidnapped or even attempted, they’ve needed a day to recuperate at minimum. They were shaken up, and usually beefed up the security for the rest of time after it. They also scheduled therapy appointments. 

Tony treated this like it was a traffic jam and he was only running five minutes behind. 

- 

The second time it happens when Rhodey’s there, it lasts a little longer. 

Rhodey has to admit, he maybe did some...under-the-radar looks. The FBI wasn’t moving fast enough, and the legal channels weren’t up to snuff. And besides, Tony did say that he could use Jarvis if he really wanted to. 

(Turns out they both went to MIT at the same time, and Tony had been that obnoxiously short guy in his econ class that rarely showed up, but when he did he showed up in a suspiciously nice outfit.) 

It was a weekend. Rhodey had gone away for two seconds to get a drink for Tony and then he was gone. 

It was...bad. 

The problem is this: 

Tony definitely doesn’t need to be kidnapped as often as he is. He has so many inventions that can prevent that, he’s sold quite a few of them to the military. 

But for some fucking reason, he doesn’t want to be saved. No, he’s content just going along with what’s happening, even though everyone else around him wants him back. Needs him back. 

He finds him bruised and tied up to a shitty folding chair. 

“Hey darling,” Tony says, lips a bloody red. “Can you believe this chair? I would’ve thought they would at least have gotten something a tad nicer. I am their best-dressed guest, after all.” 

Rhodey looks over the torn shirt and the pants that have all but been shredded. His shoes are battered and stained beyond repair. 

“Don’t,” Rhodey says. He sounds tired. He is tired. “Don’t do this.” 

“Don’t do what, get kidnapped? I hardly try,” Tony snaps. “Or do I just have a sign on my back that you didn’t know was there?” 

“You know I was in the Air Force,” Rhodey snaps back. “I got high enough clearance that I was one of the guys who got to see what brand new toy you sent our way. I know you could use any of those, shit, you probably tested it out, so you would know.” 

“And your point?” Tony asks. “What, you’re saying I should know better? Saying you know better than me?” 

“You know what? Yeah, yeah I am saying that,” Rhodey yells as he’s untying him. “I am fucking saying that I know more than you because you couldn’t give less of a shit if you tried about your own well-being! You were kidnapped and I’ve been running myself ragged trying to get you back, and you just don’t care!” 

Tony stares at him. Really stares at him. 

“Let’s go home.” 

Nothing else is said in the car ride home. Tony can’t even look at Rhodey. 

They go home, where Pepper greets Tony with a hug and makes him swear not to leave again, and Tony says “I promise,” only they both know that he’s lying. 

But they’re not calling him out on it yet. No, not tonight. 

- 

Rhodey stays. Technically he doesn’t have to. Jarvis is the most advanced artificial intelligence system in the world. Hell, he’s the only one that’s even in his league, but Rhodey just...feels better staying. 

And Tony’s mansion is a gargantuan structure with about twenty different rooms to choose from, so Rhodey gets a nice view and tries to go to bed. 

He’s never gotten enough sleep. He knows he never would. That’s why the army loved him: he could be up at any hour and he’d be fine. That’s why his dad called him the bane of his existence in a loving manner: Rhodey would be up at four in the morning filling out the crossword before anyone else could. 

He’s up at four a.m. making breakfast. 

Tony’s pantry is still shit, but it looks like Pepper went shopping for him or had someone else do it, because he actually has eggs and juice and actual food instead of the odd pickle jar or way-too-old yogurt. 

“You’re...up,” Tony says. 

Rhodey turns around. 

“Sorry. I, um. Stayed.” 

“It’s fine,” Tony says awkwardly. “What are you making?” 

“Omelet.” 

“I always mess those up,” he says. “Either too much cheese or I forget I’m cooking it.” 

“You want one?” 

“You gonna make me one?” 

“Accidentally cracked one too many eggs, so yes. You want onions and spinach in yours?” 

“Sure,” Tony says. “What are you doing up?” 

“Always bad at sleeping,” Rhodey answers. “Can never really stay asleep for too long.” 

“Forget to take your melatonin gummies?” Tony answers, grinning. 

Rhodey can see a bruise on his collarbone. 

“You sleep okay?” 

“No, but I rarely ever do,” Tony says. “Especially after yesterday’s fiasco.” 

“You mean the whole weekend,” Rhodey says, putting the rest of the eggs into the pan. “Can’t imagine that was fun.” 

“Oh come on, it was a ball,” Tony answers sarcastically. “They let me play cops-and-robbers and I was given pizza. Clearly it was a fantastic time.” 

Rhodey stares at Tony. 

“You know in the contract that I had you sign it specifically states that you have to let me help you, right?” 

“It says you have to rescue me regardless of feelings or previous obligations,” Tony says. 

“Rescuing you doesn’t just mean I chase after vans and track you down in an abandoned warehouse, it means that I rescue you from those situations before they can happen. But I can only do that if you agree that you won’t get kidnapped,” he says. 

“And what, I want to?” Tony asks. “Do I say that?” 

“You don’t have to,” Rhodey says, flipping the omelet over. “You never think you’re worth rescuing it because you think you’re never going to be good enough and I think you think that you owe me for giving a shit.” 

Tony looks at him. 

“You’re really honest.” 

“I try to be.” 

“I love that about you.” 

Rhodey’s hand shakes slightly as he moves the omelet a bit in the pan. He hopes Tony doesn’t notice. 

“Well I would love it if you stopped being kidnapped.” 

“Aye aye, Colonel Rhodes,” Tony says, saluting. Rhodey rolls his eyes. 

“Oh my god, do not.” 

“What, am I not supposed to thank our armed services for making this country safe?” he mocks, standing up. “For going above and beyond the call of patriotism and helping keep Americans everywhere safe?” 

Rhodey threatens to eat his omelet when he breaks into singing the national anthem. 

- 

There’s an...understanding. 

Tony starts taking up training with Happy and almost agrees to regular training with Rhodey until Rhodey wants him to get up at six and do some workouts, and he yells “No!” after one workout session. 

Rhodey pointedly pretends like he’s not staring at Tony’s chest when he lifts up his shirt to wipe away the sweat. 

“Come on Rhodey my darling, let’s do breakfast.” 

Tony dragging him to breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. It’s...nice. Rhodey ignores it when Tony waggles his eyebrows as he takes the check and calls him “darling, honey, baby,” and he lets him because it sounds nice. 

He doesn’t say anything to Tony. No, you can’t date your boss. It’s unprofessional as hell and Tony probably is just doing it because Rhodey’s in close proximity and they have a good banter going. 

- 

The next time that Tony has an attempted kidnapping, Rhodey is there. 

He’s there, and he’s being taken away, dragged from Tony, and Tony for the first time looks terrified. 

Rhodey tries to struggle, tries to do anything, because Tony has to get away, and he...

He’s knocked unconscious. 

-

When he wakes up, his head hurts worse than it ever has, and for a moment he’s pissed at Tony because he forgets that he’s been kidnapped and there’s no control over the thermostat because the room is hot as all get out. 

And then he sees Tony across from him, and he’s never seen Tony angry. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony says, voice shaking. “I’ll get us out of here. I promise. I’m sorry.” 

“Not your fault we have assholes take us,” Rhodey says. “But god I would kill for some air conditioning.” 

Tony smiles a bit at that. 

- 

Here’s a problem: you cannot give Tony Stark anything if you want him to not escape. Either that or he has to be unconscious because he’s a stubborn son of a bitch. 

And they used actual handcuffs to keep him there. God, what a joke. 

Tony learned how to break out of handcuffs when he was twenty and chained to a bedpost on accident. (Long story.) 

This is nothing. 

But the problem is that Rhodey’s here. His bodyguard who really shouldn’t be putting his life on the line for someone as shitty as Tony, but here they are, and he has to get him out. 

“Follow my lead,” Tony whispers. 

“Well of course I will, who else has as much experience being kidnapped as you?” Rhodey mutters. 

“Okay is now going to be the time where you sass me? You’re here too. I could leave you.” 

“You’re not gonna do that, Pepper would make you come back.” 

“No she wouldn’t.” 

“Yeah she would!” 

“Not after I tell her that you used the last of her salad dressing.” 

“Shit.” 

Tony snorts, looking at the room. They don’t have security cameras, which is just...questionable. Oh my god, he got kidnapped by amateurs. 

He’s kind of embarrassed. 

Rhodey gets free, and they’re both headed towards a door, and Rhodey picks up a stray part of a metal pole, and Tony cannot lie and say he’s not intrigued by that. 

Not saying he hopes Rhodey gets to use it. 

He’s just curious how he’ll utilize it. 

- 

They get to just. Walk out. They fucking walk out. What kind of people did they get kidnapped from? It can’t be that easy, can it? 

It can’t be...

It is. 

Okay sure Tony is driving in a hotwired car and they’re being shot at, but all things considered that’s not the worst thing. And the truck is probably considered stolen anyways, and once Tony makes it to the highway, it’s not like they’ll be able to follow without making it onto national news, not that they haven’t already. 

Pepper’s very effective at getting things to trend on national news when she wants to. 

- 

Rhodey is sitting on a beach chair. He shouldn’t be, and he also shouldn’t be drinking a mimosa because it’s four p.m. and definitely the morning, but he figures since he got kidnapped he’s allowed at least one mimosa. 

“So. Your first kidnapping?” Tony asks. “All things considered, yours went well. I think next time we should go to Wendy’s or something, I was starving-” 

“I’m just. I’m glad we’re okay,” Rhodey says. “But yeah. Maybe next time. If there is a next time. I’m going to I think make you hold hands with me so that you don’t get napped by terrible, shitty people.” 

“You could’ve just asked to hold my hand, we didn’t need to be kidnapped together,” Tony says. 

“Hm, is that a breach of contract?” Rhodey teases. 

“Only if Pepper decides to enforce it, and she won’t because you’re the first bodyguard to have an actual success story with me,” Tony says. “So. I’m thinking maybe we skip the kidnapping next time and go straight for dinner.” 

“Oh thank god, I thought you were gonna say a fast food restaurant.” 

“I still could, you don’t know,” Tony grins, winking. “What if our first date is to Burger King? What are you gonna do?” 

“Be mad that I still like you,” Rhodey grumbles. 

Tony cackles, dropping a kiss onto his hand. 

“Do you think I should get another bodyguard or will dragging you away during a party be too awkward for them?” 

“...I’ll think about it.” 

(They don’t get a new bodyguard. 

No matter how much the other security complains that Rhodey’s the only one who knows where Tony is at all times, and they can’t exactly ask them if they’re busy doing...things. 

Rhodey finds it hilarious.) 

[mj-is-writing]

happy (late) blorbo blursday! how are your characters with animals? do any of them have a favourite or any beloved pets? who's the best and who's the worst at handling them? :D

Most of them are good or indifferent with animals because I grew up with a million pets so it’s like. Just a part of life to have at least one dog around. And I wouldn’t know how to write someone who dislikes pets.

Cassian loves animals, but I did end up working in a few animal interactions specifically to mirror his relationships with the other characters, so it doesn’t seem like he likes animals much in the beginning. He does, he’s just also bad with them. He gets nervous because he likes them but they probably won’t like him. The end shows him as a catdad because I think that’s what he deserves.

Adelaine loves animals also, but due to her childhood, she was only able to interact with them in certain ways. She could have as many dogs as she liked, but they had to live in the Royal kennel. She got ponies regularly during her horse girl phase, but she could only see them if her riding coach was with her. She wasn’t supposed to play with the cats that were kept to eat the mice. She would be a werewolf kid and read zoology magazines in the school library in a modern AU, but she also had her experiences governed for her. So she doesn’t exactly know how to interact normally with, like, a normal pet. She never had to bathe or feed them or take them for walks as a kid, and it shows. So she ends up a plant mom, and she visits Cassian and sees his cat, and that’s good enough for her.

Aoife and Keeva both wanted pets growing up, but Aoife is allergic to dogs. Keeva is also very much not a cat person, and when Cassian came home with the cat, they just kind of… had to deal with it? They grow to care about the cat, but they didn’t particularly want it. It’s Cassian’s baby. Aoife still wishes for a pet, but she’s also content to watch her wife gardening and… it’s nice.

Minnie isn’t an animal person, and it kind of ties into her fear of being vulnerable; she’s not good with people, why would she be good with animals? They kinda freak her out a bit. I think she would be a dog person if she could work through her issues, though. Cassian, who grew up with a bunch of dogs, would probably be really good at helping teach Minnie to take care of them. He’d get her an older Golden Retriever and come over a lot to check on them. (This is a long winded way of saying “Minnie needs a therapy animal, and even Cassian, who had the emotional intelligence of a stick, can fucking tell.”)

I think out of all my OC’s, the one who is best with animals is probably Joshua; he has dog person energy, but I’ve decided that he maybe has a fish tank or something? And it originally started as something his mentor gave him to try and help provide some structure in his life (remembering to feed the fish, to change the water, etc.), but over time it also became a hobby he just really vibed with. I know that fish aren’t super hard to care for usually, he definitely could and probably does get larger pets later, but there’s just something special to him about introducing a new species to the tank, arranging the decor, and just… watching the fish swim.

And the worst is… hmmmmm okay the worst is Luca but only because Luca is, like, chronic only child who never had a pet. He was given endless attention as a kid, they have a bit of a rep now, trying to put a living thing in their care is just asking for trouble. He also has the self-preservation skills of a toddler. You could replace the trail mix he’s eating with literal rocks and he wouldn’t notice. And “self-absorbed guy who forgets to feed themself” is not the kind of person who is going to remember to walk a dog or change the cat litter. Also animals are just icky and they have better things to do. Luca would put a high-energy dog in a room with some food and newspapers and not check on it all day, and they wouldn’t even realize that that’s a problem. He thinks that’s just how to take care of a dog.

[forbidding-souda]

Byakuya, sakura, gundham, nekomaru and hagakure w/ a fem chubby reader?

Byakuya Togami, Sakura Oogami, Gundham Tanaka, Nekomaru Nidai, Gundham Tanaka, and Hagakure Yasuhiro with fem chubby S/O

I got you! I love these characters so much this will be a blast. AND IDK HOW I MISSED GUNDHAM MY BAD SO IF YOU’RE READING THIS RN I INCLUDED HIM!! I made his longer as an apology.

-Mod Souda

Byakuya Togami

Definitely the CEO of defending you against misguided people.

He won’t hesitate to diss anyone who is rude to you.

On other terms, though he is not into PDA, he definitely gives you the lightest of kisses on your forehead, his long fingers under your chin.

And nose kisses!

Gives you dresses and jewelry made specifically for you.

A lot of gifts. 

And he showers with you, because he likes being pristine, and he likes spending time with you at the same time.

Two birds one stone.

Will not allow pets into his house... unless it’s your favorite and it’s small than maybe.

Okay fine, he’ll buy you your favorite animal.

Anything to make you comfortable with his lifestyle.

Since he is the tier of his bloodline, he does get too many comments on the person he decided to be with.

He won’t hide you, though, under no regard.

Sakura Oogami

She gives you piggyback rides!

You drink a lot of smoothies and protein shakes with her. 

Milkshakes too, if you’re lucky.

When you’re tired, she’ll definitely carry you places.

She likes holding you close.

Sauna time is a must, too! It helps relax her.

Cuddles into your chest all the time, and when she sleeps she makes soft noises with her breath.

She has a soft place in her heart for partner shirts. She’s mine - I’m hers type beat.

Some of her clothes even fit you.

Doesn’t like to do activities that require laying down. Would much rather go on walks with you or get chalks to draw around the neighborhood.

Tries to cook with you. Doesn’t always work out, even though you are confident in your skills, somehow once you get next to her you get nervous.

You always ask for forehead kisses, since she is so tall, and it gives you butterflies.

She makes sure you are feeling okay all the time, giving you healthy drinks and taking care of you when you are sick.

Supports you all the time! And makes sure you know that she finds you attractive.

Nekomaru Nidai

Is not amused by comments of other people.

Because you are healthy, obviously, because being with the SHSL Team Manager includes listening to him rant about the most protein-filled foods and getting massages and other forms of muscular therapy.

Tries to get you to lift, though, because one time when he was moving in with you he handed you a box and you almost fell over.

He has a lot of friends, and meeting all of them nearly tires you out. All of them all grateful to him and treat you like royalty.

When they come over, they mostly give the gifts to you, which is hilarious to Nekomaru.

It was like having a whole new family!

He constantly makes sure to have time for you! If he travels, he tries to get you small trinkets or makeup, since he likes watching you put it on.

But you try to out-sweet him, leaving sticky notes everywhere, like to remind him to take his meds or simple I love you notes.

He is so wholesome!!

And again, he loves giving massages. Having you relax is his main goal, and just making you feel good makes him happy.

While cuddling he definitely nuzzles his head against you. And he definitely contorts into uncomfortable positions just to lay on you.

Gundham Tanaka

Helps you hang around his animals, even some of the ones you are scared of.

He is the biggest cuddler. He won’t admit it, though.

But he’ll definitely melt into your arms.

You wake up early with him every morning to help him feed all of the animals and take care of them. He appreciates the extra help, and it gives him more time in the day to hang out with you.

The house is always crowded since he moved in. 

Gundham never gets mad at you, never scolds you or insults you. He always maintains his caring demeanor, even if you mess up on anything.

You had to ask him out first, and when you did, he was blushing a deep pink color. He had never been asked out before.

And now he’s calm around you. He takes you to horse races and even one time, a pig race! It was the cutest thing with all the piglets in clothes.

Ever since then you’ve been trying to convince him to let you dress up the animals.

He lets you put ribbons in the horses hair but that’s about it.

... Except the dogs... he’ll let you dress up the dogs.

The cats too, if you’re lucky.

Sometimes he takes you on walks through the woods, too, and admires all the different bird types he sees. He can name them, easily!

It’s interesting to see him talk about his talent.

Refers to you with words like elegant queen of the light and mystical goddess, and even though you very much disagree, it’s a long more sentimental than words like sweetheart to you.

A long time will pass in the relationship before he lets you see him without the makeup, contacts, temporary tattoos, and the hair gel. Sharing a bed with him takes some time, too.

Sometimes he still can’t get over that he isn’t poisonous to the touch. You’ll cuddle him and it’ll spook him, until he assures himself that you are immune.

Watches cliche dog movies. Like Airbud, and he’ll pretend he hates it the entire time. Definitely enjoys it.

Does NOT enjoy Cugo. Very scary!!!! Dogs aren’t scary!!!!

Sometimes likes shark movies... thin ice, though.

You just love seeing his reaction to certain animal movies. It’s very entertaining what he says about them. You almost want to start a blog that’s just animal movies approved by the SHSL Animal Breeder.

Hagakure Yasuhiro

He is big boy!! Who loves snuggles very much!!

And he’s a hugger. He wraps his arms around you all the time.

Braiding your hair, offering to try and put makeup on you, he tries to get into all the things that you do. He even asks you to paint his nails.

Sometimes he’s too scared to read your fortune, in case it’s something bad. Even though he gets it right 30% of the time, and he knows he’s a scam, it’s the just in case.

Wakes up early to make you breakfast. And since he grew up basically on noodles, it’s not always the best thing.

You thank him nonetheless. He cares enough to surprise you.

He watches the oddest things on TV sometimes, things like horses jumping over hurdles. Is excited to talk about anything the things he watches. 

That’s because you always have an interest to rant about. And Yasuhiro isn’t always the most invested person, so he feels a little left out in the passionateness.

Doesn’t even second guess your body type, he just knows it’s you and he loves it.

Kisses you all the time, too. He loves any type of kiss!

He has the cutest puppy dog eyes ever when you guys cuddle.

All he loves is being with you and worshipping the way you are.

[theglowyscorpio]

all set | eren x reader

a/n: this is a story in the making, currently available at AO3 and Wattpad. If you like it, please don't hesitate to give me some kudos, leave a comment or maybe follow me on my social media! <3 Any feedback is highly appreciated since I'm just getting started!

pairing: eren yeager x female reader

tags: mature content, alternate universe (modern setting), college/university, recreational drug use, implied sexual content, M/F, F/F, the author is not religious lmao

word count: 4.3k

current chapters: 2/?

playlist: this one was made with a particular playlist in mind. they are really great songs that help to convey this chapter, so I hope you have a time to check them out! :)

a. slomosa - kevin b. upsahl - drugs c. rosenfeld - like u d. kaiba - overdose e. lil kapow - tinman f. bodega - how did this happen!?

***

all set

I lost count of how many parties I went to this week. There was one at Shina, another at... Sasha's. Wait, was it? Or Ymir's? Honestly, both their houses look fairly similar and we always see the same faces over and over again, regardless of where we are getting wasted. Definitely two at my house. The timeline is blurry at this point. If my liver could talk, it would spit out "Screw you, Eren." and I wouldn't be able to disagree.

Classes will start next week so everyone is acting like we're going to stop doing all this for the rest of the semester. That never happens.

I barely enter Reiner's house and the music is already piercing my head. My ears will soon tell me to go screw myself too. The bass was loud. But it was good.

— Hey, finally — Reiner says, giving a hard slap in my back. I can't even get mad at him because he probably didn't mean for it to hurt. Fucking strong bastard.

— Sorry. Lost track of time.

— You know where the things are — he leaves me behind and disappears through the noisy music.

It's hot inside. August has been particularly cruel this year. I'm using a black t-shirt, which is luckily pretty thin, and my black Adidas pants that are somewhat breathable. My hair is in a bun. I will probably be sweating soon, though. Reiner's AC won't do miracles with this amount of people since it is specially packed today. I guess I might see some new faces tonight, huh.

This fact already makes things more interesting.

I walk through the room and then arrive in the kitchen. Connie and Sasha are there.

— Eren!! — I barely open my mouth to talk and Sasha is already giving me whatever weird drink they made. Their drinks sometimes are... unusual, for the lack of a better word. Most of the time they are simply pure shit. They call it scout's fuel, always the same name regardless of what's inside. Maybe that's why my liver hates me so much.

— Thanks — I'm already used to the goddamn gasoline taste — I guess you both want to get us wasted tonight.

— It's our personal mission, so enjoy the fuel — Connie says laughing, raising his plastic cup. I love this duo – who doesn't? – and I can't help but laugh with them, even though it tastes so bad — Everyone is already here, come on — I follow them and find all the familiar faces I've seen all week: Bertholdt, Historia, Ymir, Mikasa, Annie, Armin, Jean, everyone.

The girls look hot, even though I'm used to them. Either way, I avoid hooking up with my friends since the last time didn't work so well. It's better to avoid Mikasa today.

We all sit together while drinking. I light a joint I had already prepared at home and say — Am I crazy or is Reiner's party bigger than usual? —, releasing the smoke a few seconds after. This one is the best grass we could get around our area, I've saved it primarily for today and now I see that might have been a great decision on my part. I'm glancing through the room and looking for some girls, might share this shit with one - or a few - of them later.

— Thank god, I was tired of seeing your ugly faces every fucking time — Jean says. The girls look at him and he rushes to add — I mean, the boys, of course. It's always nice looking at all of you, ladies.

It's not enough to avoid Annie's kick anyway — We can say the same of you, horse face.

Reiner arrives at the perfect time and explains — Since the new semester starts Monday, news about today traveled fast and we got a lot more company than usual.

— Do you know all of them, Reiner? — Historia asks — I've talked to a bunch of them tonight and there are people from all over the campus and from all years as well — Historia always looks pretty, her blonde hair shining even in the low light of the party. Guys make a line to talk to her at all parties so there's no surprise that she's already familiarized with the whole scenario. I wonder what Ymir thinks of it. Probably followed her during this little field trip.

— Hell, no — he grabs the joint of my hand and sucks deeply — I know some of them and some are Bertholdt's friends but there are some random people.

— I bet Reiner knows a lot of the girls — I take my joint back from his fingers — I assume they aren't Bertholdt's friends, though — and grin.

— Hey, I don't see you with any new company either, dude — Bertholdt tries to grab my weed as well, but I avoid his advances. He instead grabs my cup and drinks all of it, leaving me empty. He makes a funny face at the taste. Suit yourself, man, I think to myself, laughing on the inside.

— Yeah, but I'll work on it in a sec — I tease him knowing that he can't handle much of Sasha and Connie's fuel. He always knocks out before everyone. I hope he realizes he needs to stay awake to try anything with Annie. Someday. He simply never gets there.

Hange arrives almost falling over Ymir and spilling her drink on the floor in the process — I think we should all make a toast and make this last party a wild ride!!! — her yelling stabbing us louder than the music.

— Bitch, you are this fucking drunk already? — Ymir says to her, holding Hange's weight on her back — What the hell did the gasoline duo do to you?

— Okay okay, enough with the questions, let me fill your cups because this is the night! — Sasha says, just pouring all that mystery liquid that soon will go straight to our heads — Also, Reiner, where's the food?

We raise our plastic cups and Connie yells — To the new semester! — and we drink, feeling the immediate burn on our throats. It's hard being a scout.

— I need to get laid today — Jean says as he lays his back on the couch — Gonna arrive for the classes pretty motivated next week — he then rests his left arm at the back pillow, behind Mikasa's head.

— You should start roaming, then — her cold delivery puts Jean's subtle attempt at flirting six feet under the ground, as usual. It was pretty damn quick, but I could notice Mikasa glancing at me and then looking the other way. Yeah, I think I need to start roaming soon, too.

— That sounds great, then let's do that!!! — Hange grabs Jean by the arm and they disappear amongst the crowd.

— When all this fun ends, I'll be the one who will probably have to take him home after he gets slapped by some girls — Armin and Jean live with me so we normally go back together. Armin is the responsible one between us, which is not exactly hard considering how Jean and I are — Gonna at least drink some beer before that happens.

— I'll go with you, this drink sucks — Annie says, finishing the drink anyway and following him. We always drink the last drop of it, we never learn.

The girls went dancing, the music was exceptionally good today. A lot of bands I already liked plus some I have never heard before. I need to remember to ask Reiner for this playlist later. Connie was already surrounded by a different group, everyone likes to talk to him. He is popular. The rest dispersed as well and I could hear Hange's screams far away. This is going to be a night for her, indeed.

I start walking around, meeting a lot of people from my classes and others from the campus in general. I talk to all of them and drink a lot in the process, which feeds my need for nicotine every time. I grab my pack of cigarettes and while smoking, I see Levi.

— I must be dreaming — I say, letting the smoke leave my lips with a smile. It reaches him and looks at me with a deadly expression. He is smoking as well, but he only admits one specific brand of cigarettes and hates all the others. Levi usually doesn't show up at these "brat" parties, as he likes to say, since he's a few years older than us. I normally see him at Shina's, which is a popular club slash bar near our university. He's the owner so we all met him there, after going so many times. Shina has the best parties and the best drinks of all the clubs near us. And it couldn't be any other way, since Levi is a perfectionist. There's also a small stage there, where indie bands perform from time to time. My band does some gigs there sometimes.

— Hey — he replies, as cold as ever. He's Mikasa's cousin, so they have the same expressions and hard-to-approach vibe — Already high, I see.

— Always. In fact, today I hope to be higher than usual. What miracle brings you here?

— Some people from the staff decided to come here today so there are fewer brats to piss me off — he drinks what's probably a high priced whiskey and continues — and there's a new girl at the club so we have been showing her the area for a few weeks now.

— There's a lot of new girls here today — although I know Levi doesn't give a crap.

— So? — yeah, he doesn't.

Levi is a pretty successful business owner and even I have to admit that he's hot – is not only common knowledge but a mutual agreement between everyone –, so girls are always trying to get him, but he doesn't screw most of them. He doesn't fuck brats, period. He says he doesn't have the patience. That makes the girls even more desperate. He has the highest standards of every guy I know. When he was still in university – the same we all go –, he screwed not only the hottest girls but also the professors - which went after him and not the other way around. At least that's what I've heard. I think Levi never had to actively look for any girl, to be honest.

I can only laugh at his reply. That's just so him.

— If you want more stuff than what's already in your system, Floch is over there.

— I want, actually. I was going to look for him — I see Floch's red hair among some folks. Floch is usually as busy as Connie but with less than half of the charisma.

He finishes his cigarette, blowing its last white smoke into the air, and we both hear a loud HELL YEAH!! coming from all the other way across the room — Tsk, is that Hange?

— Pfft, it was before, I think it's Sasha now — he doesn't laugh at my reply. He never does. I think hell would freeze while heaven catches on fire.

I think about the music again. It's so good today, what the hell — Hey Levi, don't you think this playlist is too high quality for a Reiner party? I don't get it, his music taste is always pure trash.

— That's from our new girl — he drinks the last drops of his whiskey and starts to leave — You might find her around here — he then suddenly stops and looks at me — Don't get your hopes up, though.

I am not able to ask what he meant by that because he leaves too quickly. Time to look for Floch.

— Hey, Flo-

— Here.

— You didn't even let me finish.

— I know what you want. You are not in the mood for cocaine so you want MD instead, blah-blah-blah-blah. Is that kind of night — he pauses for mere seconds — Am I wrong, Eren?

— Nope, right as usual — Floch is the main person you go to when you need drugs. I mean, good drugs. He looks like your standard rich boy – which he is, by the way – that can do no wrong, but you can get the best stuff from him. I've always found this funny. The weed I have today was his work. He knows my taste well.

Reiner's frat house is huge, so there's plenty of room to walk. I'm approached by a bunch of girls on the way but for some reason, none of them piques my interest. I am pretty set on going after something new today and I have no problem getting laid. It happened every single day this week and it truly happens anytime I want. Which, okay, boosts my ego a little bit. Maybe a lot. I might even have hurt some girls in the process. I was never slapped though, unlike Jean. So that's a win in my book.

I see a few of my friends again, mainly Historia and Reiner, and they are talking to a girl I've never seen before.

She has long black hair and short messy bangs, the kind that goes a little above the eyebrows. I didn't know black hair was my thing until now. Her face has the perfect features, at least for me. She's wearing a sleeveless white top that is so tight that hugs her figure perfectly and makes her breasts look amazing. That type of top that shows the girl's side boob, and I'm a total sucker for those. It is also short so you can see a bit of her waist. And I don't even have to see her ass because I already know it is probably too damn good. Her light blue ripped jeans are cool as well and she has black sneakers. I like her style. She has a bunch of tattoos - a lot on her right arm, one on her left hand, and probably some that I couldn't see because they were behind her clothes. I intended to, though.

Fuck, she's hot.

Historia looks mesmerized talking to her, which is a very privileged view from where I stand because, as I've already said before, she is also beautiful. But she isn't exactly hot. This girl is. Way too much. Oh, and Reiner is there too. Whatever.

I can see a lot of guys want to approach her but none of them do. I went for it. Wasn't this night supposed to be wild?

— Hey, Eren! Guess what, Y/N is the new DJ at Shina! I was telling her how we go there all the time.

— Hi, Eren, nice to meet you — she says, with that kind of smile that people who know they are hot make. I do that too.

— Hey, Y/N — I say. And as I told you seconds before, I'm good with that type of smile as well so that's what she gets — Levi told me he came with the staff and a new girl, so I suppose that's you.

— Yeah, I'll start there next week.

— I talked to him about the party's playlist because I knew it couldn't be Reiner's.

— Yeah, it's Y/N's. She prepared it for the party when I invited the guys from Shina yesterday. We were in the same high school. — Reiner says that looking at me with a face that shows "See that, dickhead? I've known her for some years now".

— It's pretty good! I can't wait for the next party at Shina's to see your set! — Historia was always an angel.

REINER, WHERE'S THE REST OF THE ICE, MAN??, someone screamed far away.

— Shit. Catch up with you later, Y/N.

Too bad, huh, Reiner? He gives me a look that I can't quite figure out what it is, but I know for sure it wasn't a look of support. In the fucking slightest.

— I think Ymir is calling me as well, sorry!! — It was painfully obvious that Ymir wanted to make out with Historia for some time now. They never did. I think only Historia hasn't realized yet that Ymir is thirsty for her for god knows how long.

After Historia left, there was only me and her — So, by any chance, do you go to the same university as us? You look our age but Levi said you are new here — I tried asking this without looking at her body, but looking at her face was even worse. Her eyes were piercing me in the best way possible.

— I'm not exactly new, I'm from the same uni as you guys, but I took a gap year — she takes a sip of her drink — You probably never met me but I'm in the same year as you all are now.

Since Reiner knew her from high school, he also knew she was at the same university all along and never told any of the guys. Smart fucker.

— So that makes you a year older than me — I smirk at her.

— I guess it does — she smirks back as she lights up a cigarette and blows the smoke at me.

Ok, looking good so far.

I'm pretty high at this point, the MD and the music are making me horny, so I don't even bother to pretend that I'm not looking at her body. I'm looking at everything.

— You took something, didn't you?

— Do you want some? I can show you later where to get the best stuff. Anything you are in the mood for.

— I'm all set — she shows me her tongue and I see the acid. The view makes my own tongue feel lonely, maybe I should use it to steal that from her mouth. I hope she's horny as well.

We talk a lot about music since it's something that we both enjoy. She's passionate about it, I can tell. She asks about my band with true interest. Doesn't sound like small talk. She touches her hair and it makes me want to stuff my face in it. She has the smile that makes you want more. Her voice has the same effect.

The loud music allows us to talk near each other's ears. I hope she moans as loud as her playlist. The girls usually love my hair for some reason, either if it's in a messy bun as it is right now or if it's loose. They all love my green eyes too. She can see all that with somewhat detail since we are so close, even though it is a little dark here. If I take you to a room you can see me better, I almost blurb it out. I can see her too and that kills me.

She looks receptive to me but normally at this point I would be already hooking up with the girl. This time it isn't happening. I never have to work so much. I think I understand why the other guys didn't approach her before. She's a little intimidating to talk to, and that comes naturally to her – it doesn't seem to be on purpose. I flirt with her the way I normally do but she is hard to get, she hits every ball I throw. I remember what Levi said before. Oh, right.

But I'm vibing way too much at this point, I think if I touch any part of her I'll get hard immediately.

— This gap year you've mentioned... Did you go anywhere specific?

— I know it will sound cliché, but I went to Europe.

— Where in Europe?

— Everywhere — she says — I went down — the corner of her lips forming a smile  — And up. Everywhere. — and I can swear she sounds flirtatious as hell. I want to bite her lip.

— That sounds... Awesome. — I think she wants to bite me too, or at least I hope she does — Was there any particular reason to leave? If that's not too much to ask.

— Hm, I was kinda... — she stops to think for a few seconds as she holds her hair up and makes a ponytail, looking at the ground, the cigarette glued to her now closed lips. Her neck became exposed, it looks soft as hell and I can't wait to bruise it. She releases the smoke, that flows into the room, and looks deep into my eyes, as deep as I want to be inside her right now — ...stressed.

I reach my limit at this point.

— I can help you with the stress if you want.

— Really? — she's looking at me with the same teasing look and I'm doing the same, so we both know that's not a question I have to answer. Her tongue quickly passes through her top lip, her mouth forming a little wet smile — I don't think I need any help though.

I threw the ball and she hit a home run. My team was out.

I was not expecting that.

We hear some of the guys from Shina calling for her — Oh, they are calling me — Y/N looks at me again and says — See you around, Eren — giving me the same fucking grin I wanted to bite before.

She walks away and I see that her ass is, as I suspected from the very beginning, too damn good.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

After this, some time has passed. I look at the clock. Yeah, maybe a lot. I couldn't tell before because I'm drunk and drugged. I see most of my friends, all fucking wasted. Armin is holding up pretty well, Bertholdt's is knocked down for God knows how long, Mikasa probably smoked way too much weed (who am I to judge?) and looks dead on the couch. I don't see Ymir, Historia nor Reiner - there are too many people in this house to keep count. Sasha's eating something in the kitchen, I can't see what it is, but certainly, she got hungrier than normal after smoking some pot Connie gave her. Connie always holds his drinks well, he's still talking to a lot of people. I pass in front of one of the bathrooms and Hange is there, getting everything out of her system. Oh, and Ymir. There she is, holding Hange's hair, looking as pissed as ever. Levi probably went home hours ago. Jean is making out with some chick, he's going to score tonight. To be fair, he always does, but never with Mikasa.

I saw a lot of pretty girls today and I went for none of them. They tried and I shut them down, even the ones I normally fuck. There's someone I want to taste tonight and she's nowhere to be found. The guys from Shina are missing too, so I know I won't see her today anymore. Damn.

I'm not pissed at her but I'm pissed at the situation.

— Armin, I think I'm going to take off, are you coming?

— Yeah, I'm already pretty tired — he gets up — Jean's probably going to stay here.

— Yep. Probably. — Am I pissed that Jean's getting laid? Even though I could have as well? With someone else, at least? My mood feels off.

— I'm going with you too, I've lost count of how many assholes I had to shut down today. I think I even punched a few — I don't have to look to know that's Annie speaking — You were right, Eren, is it especially crowded today. In the shittiest way possible.

— Then let's go.

— Wait, I need to get my bag first, I left it in Reiner's room.

— I can get that for you, wait up.

— It's a black one. Small.

I sign a thumbs up for her and climb the stairs. I am hundred percent sure I'm going to see someone fucking there but that's the usual. I'm pretty sure I've already seen some people screwing in the corner of the living room minutes before. No one cares.

I open the door and see Y/N in her underwear, putting her white top back on. She does indeed have other tattoos.

— Hey there! — she says smiling, as she also puts her jeans back up, making little jumps so they pass through her ass. Her hair is not in a ponytail anymore.

I say hi in a confusing way.

— I came here to get my friend's bag — I look around for milliseconds like I don't know where the hell I am until I see Reiner lying - clearly naked - under his sheets. Can't be anyone else, with that bleached hair and huge biceps.

What? Ahn?

Hey... Wait a second.

Historia? Clearly naked as well? What. The. Hell. I guess she's not exactly the angel I thought she was?

They are sort of awake, sort of sleeping, kinda like on a different planet. You know, the type of thing that happens after a really strong fuck? That sort. They look exhausted. They look destroyed. And not in a bad way. AT ALL.

— Oh, I saw a bag before. Here you go — she gives me Annie's bag. She's all dressed now. She notices my confusion, I'm too high to act any other way — I've told you I don't need any help — her eyes piercing mine for the hundredth time tonight. Her smile hurts now. Ouch.

She grabs her sneakers and walks towards me and the door:

— I'm all set.

She leaves the room as I hold Annie's bag.

Yeah. I was not expecting that.

***

Thanks for reading (if there's even anyone here lmao). Chapter 2 will be uploaded later but it can be read now at AO3 or Wattpad.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Hi do you think u can do a Roman Godfrey imagine where they are dating and y/n is a good innocent girl but freaky with Roman and her parents want to Roman over for dinner Roman wants to piss off her dad and does subtle things to annoy him like touching y/n at the end of the night when they are saying goodbye at his car they have a heated make out sesh and Roman knows her dad is looking through the window so spices it up a bit

Of course! I will always remember you, Anon, as the first person to make a request ❤ I really hope you enjoy! Being the first request I’ve had, it might flop lol. But I hope this is at least close to what you had in mind!

Warning: Slightly NSFW

~~~~~~~~~~

Having such a sweet personality made everyone think you were innocent and you were, for the most part. Roman was one of many people who thought this, comparing you to Shelley or Letha levels of innocence.

But when Roman decided he wanted to play games with you, he was shocked to find out you could play games just as well as he could.

After getting to know you some, he quickly realized that the sweet innocent side to you actually wasn’t a front like some people faked. You were genuinely caring, and probably the sweetest person he’d ever met besides Shelley.

But something about Roman could make even the most angelic human on earth act like a demon behind closed doors once in a while.

Roman definitely brought out your wild side, not in a bad way either. He surely got you to come out of your shell.

For as long as you can remember, you’ve always been sweet and you knew that’s how you wanted to live. But you’d admit, it was fun letting loose with one of your favorite people. Not having to worry so much about consequences and such.

Yours parents were bewildered and astonished that their sweet little girl could date someone so...not like you. They didn’t know how to react when you told them, especially your mother.

Your father however, organized his feelings pretty quickly. The first thing he wanted to do was find Roman, kill him, and feed him to the family dog.

But instead, he asked you to invite Roman over for dinner.

Now if it was literally anyone else, even the Rumancek boy, you wouldn’t feel as panicked to invite them over. But knowing Roman, you knew it had no chance of ending well.

But you couldn’t exactly say no to your loving parents. You knew they just wanted to protect you, even if it was unbearably annoying.

You internally groaned when you saw Roman smirked evilly when you asked him to have dinner with the ‘rents.

You told him and made it very clear that your father already did not like him, but he only responded with, “I’m not gonna let an old man scare me away from being with you.” Then giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before walking off to find his sister.

Off to a fabulous start...

Roman already knew how he was going to act at your place as soon as you told him to behave. He wasn’t one to take orders, even from you. He wasn’t going to be disrespectful per say, but definitely wasn’t going to be intimidated by some old guy. Even if he was your father.

Getting ready for the dinner was nerve wracking already. Your palms were already starting to sweat slightly, heartbeat irregular, some of your nervous ticks sticking out like a sore thumb.

Your mother noticed this of course, you smoothing down your blouse to the point of your hands turning a soft pink was a clue indeed.

“Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ve already convinced your dad to kill him quick and painlessly if he chooses to go that route.” She joked, showing a sickeningly sweet smile.

“Ha ha, not funny.” You huffed.

You almost screamed in terror when the doorbell rang twice. Roman had already texted you that he was on his way, but you were so nervous that anything could’ve spooked you at this point.

“I’ll get it!” You quickly voiced, running to the front door.

You opened the door, revealing the man you’re so fond of. His hair was slicked back and his mouth upturned in his usual smirk that made your knees go weak.

“Hello, my dearest.” He smirked, leaning over to give you a kiss but you quickly dodged it, making him place his lips on your cheek instead. “It’s gonna be that type of dinner then.” He hummed disappointedly.

You chuckled softly. “Not when my parents are just five feet away from us.”

Roman rolled his green eyes. “Fine.”

You brought Roman into the kitchen where your mother was currently doing some finishing touches on the main course. “Mom, this is Roman.” You introduced.

You could tell your mother was wary at first, eyeing him up and down subtly. “It’s so good to finally meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N.” He smiled warmly, reaching out his hand.

Roman’s charm quickly put your mother’s worries at ease, her giving a similar warm smile and taking his hand for a tender handshake.

“The Godfrey kid here?” You heard your father’s unnecessarily booming voice call out, promptly entering the door frame of the kitchen.

You turned around to see your father’s stoic face and almost laughed. Your father was a pretty joyful man, so seeing him play up the role of protective papa bear was a sight to see.

“Dad, this is Roman.” You said, a more obvious nervousness to your voice than before.

Roman did the same thing before. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Y/L/N.” Reaching his hand out with a smile.

“You can call me Sir, little Godfrey.”

“Dad...” You whined.

Roman only smiled, laughing it off. “Yes, sir.” He said, a slight annoyance in his voice. He wrapped his arm around your waist, and you could feel the anger by how hard he was gripping you.

You could see your father fixate his glare on his hand that was around you, and you immediately got the hint, gently removing Roman’s arm. “Dinner’s ready! Right, mom?” You voiced suddenly, trying desperately to break some of the tension.

“Uh, yeah! Pretty much!” Your mother grinned.

“Yay! Let’s go!” You exclaimed, pretty much dragging your parents and Roman to the dining room table.

Despite your nerves being through the roof, the smell of delicious food eased it just a tad.

Until Roman started to act up. Wearing a skirt was definitely a bad idea. The whole night was a bad idea, but oh well, couldn’t change it now.

While a friendly conversation between Roman and your mother started, he placed a hand on your exposed knee.

It was innocent as first. He always had been a touchy feely type and usually it didn’t advance any further than that unless he wanted sex, so you didn’t really think anything of it. 

Then you felt his hand slowly trail up your thigh, moving the delicate fabric out of the way.

You looked at Roman with a subtle glare. You balled up your fist in anger when he only gave you a playful wink.

You stopped his hand from moving any further, but he really only saw it as a challenge.

While you were struggling not to make a noise or squirm in your seat, Roman was carrying on the conversation effortlessly.

Roman finally won, reaching the spot that was aching for his touch against your better judgement.

You gasped softly, quickly covering it up with a cough. “Chicken’s a bit dry, ma.” You chuckled nervously, trying to squeeze your legs together.

Roman gave you a questioning look, feigning innocence. “I think it’s perfect, Mrs. Y/L/N. Probably the best home cooked meal I’ve had in, well, ever.” He chuckled.

Roman suddenly hit that perfect spot, causing you to spasm and slam your fist on the table. “Suck up.” You coughed out. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” Your mother asked with concern.

“Yeah, you good babe?” Roman asked, putting the emphasis on babe and faking concern.

Your father was less than pleased, glaring at Roman with such intensity that could scare most people away, but Roman just smirked,

“I’m alright!” You almost shouted. “Just suddenly not feeling well is all! Think I just had some bad cafeteria food.” You forced a laugh.

“That’s why I’ve said to always take your own lunch!” Your mother said, unknowingly saving you from being center attention.

The rest of the dinner went, well...it went.

Being teased by Roman most of the time, you were almost overjoyed when the night was finally coming to an end.

“Again, the food was fantastic.” Roman told your mother, kissing her hand, her smiling in reply.

Roman turned and kissed you on the cheek, just close enough to graze your lips. Then he turned back to your father, who’s glare never left Roman. “It was nice to meet you...sir.”

You bit your lip, waiting to see if this was the moment your father was going to finally snap. “Was nice to meet you too...Mr. Godfrey.” He said, basically gritting his teeth and holding his glare.

“Okay...well...time to go!” You said, almost pushing Roman out the door.

As soon as the door closed, Roman let out a hearty laugh. “Your old man is really something!” He put his hand over his chest while continuing to laugh, leaning against his red convertible to keep himself from doubling over.

You only glared at him. “Roman.”

“What?” Roman asked, wearing a cheeky grin. “Oh! Are you jealous that I kissed your mom’s hand? Milfs aren’t my type, darling.” He chuckled, but stopped once he realized you didn’t find what he was saying funny. “You have your father’s glare.”

You sighed, rolling your eyes and shaking your head. “I can’t believe you. I specifically told you to behave!” You fussed.

“Oh, really? Your soaked panties told me otherwise.”

You blushed, biting your lip in frustration, then letting out a tiny laugh. “I hate you...” You smiled lovingly.

Roman straightened himself out and beckoned you over with his pointer finger. And like a magnet, you gravitated towards him and into his arms.

You loved Roman’s hugs.

While still enveloped in his arms, from the corner of his eye, Roman saw someone watching the two of you at the window. He smirked when he saw that it was your father.

Being the little shit that he is, Roman pulled away from the wholesome hug and brought his lips down to yours, devouring you in a not so wholesome kiss.

You were shocked at first, but soon relaxed into it, now not having to worry about your parents seeing.

But your father was, and Roman knew that, causing him to deepen the kiss just to spite him.

Feeling Roman’s tongue massage against yours felt heavenly, making you let out an involuntary moan.

Roman opened his eyes to peek to see if your father was still at the window, and to his amusement, he was.

Roman knew he was testing his luck, but that was part of the fun. He brought his hand up to your throat and squeezed gently, while the other hand was brought down harshly on your ass with a loud smack.

You squealed happily, loving the feeling of his hands on you. But you knew it was time for him to leave, so you pulled away.

You smiled when you saw how swollen his lips were. “Alright, Casanova. Time for you to go.” You voiced, bringing your mouth just below his ear. “I’ll come by your place later.” You whispered seductively and pulled away.

“As much as I’d love that, I have a feeling sneaking out won’t be so easy for you tonight.” He said, trying to hide a smile.

You furrowed your brows and smiled confusingly. “What makes you say that?”

“Tell your dad that it’s rude to stare.” Roman said, quickly getting into his car and driving away.

It’s rude to stare? What the hell does that mean?

Turning around to head back inside your house is when you finally realized what Roman meant. You saw your father glaring at you from the window, arms crossed and his face noticeably a shade of red.

Fuck...

~~~~~~~~~~

[op-sheepy]

6. dark law, 19. Davy Back, 36. the whimsical captain trafalgar law, 55. marine pet AU!

 Oh, good eye. Those are some of my favorites.. Here is another long one under the cut. Also sorry for the late response. :D

---------------------------------o

---------------------------------o

6. Dark Law

Essentially my take (one of them at least) on what would have happened had Corazon not taken Law from the Donquixote pirates but left anyway when he thought Law had ratted him out.

Some details regarding this:

Rocinante returns to the marines and was able to submit the intelligence he'd gathered. This doesn't do much except inconvenience Doflamingo, as already acknowledged during Law and Doffy's fight.

Vergo gets discovered so he just goes back to the family.

Law does not eat the Ope Ope no mi since Doflamingo never intended for him to. At least, initially.

Because, I'm assuming, not everyone can perform the "Perennial Youth Operation," as it was stated they needed to be 'wise' or 'knowledgeable' and being a doctor does not really automatically equal that, Doflamingo had to kill the users he had chosen when none of them could do it so the fruit could go back to the circulation and he could feed it to the next potentially qualified person he could find.

Law's Amber Lead Syndrome got healed by one of these users though it was only because Law, himself, taught them how to (being familiar with the disease through his father's research as well being a good doctor)

Eventually, everyone realizes that Law is actually the most suited to wield the fruit (all the other smart doctors either having a fruit already or are simply inaccessible), certain that Law would be able to figure out how to do the ultimate technique. So, reluctantly, because he does care in his twisted conditional way, Doflamingo gives the Ope Ope no Mi to Law.

Law at this point had been raised as Doffy's right hand, all according to his plan. While he truly considers Law family and might genuinely regret making him give up his life, Doffy would still ask it from him because there is nothing more important than Doflamingo and his goals. A sentiment that almost everyone in his family considers true.

And Law... well...

Doflamingo rested both hands on Law's shoulders. His tinted glasses peering down, voice heavy with regret, "I wish there was another way."

Law's face remained impassive only broken by a small wistful twitch of his lips. It almost looked like a smile. He grasped Doflamingo's arm and directed him towards the operating table.

"You have taught me many lessons one of which was the futility of wishing for better circumstances." Law seated him and prepared his equipment.

"You taught me to take advantage of any situation by using whatever it is at my disposal." Carefully, he opened a package of sterile gloves. It wasn't really needed but the ritual of opening the pack and putting the gloves on one hand at a time always helped settle his nerves.

"I had expected you to do the same so I'd been prepared for this even before you gave me the fruit." Law lifted his eyes as he slid the first glove in place. "Don't feel too bad. I really am grateful for everything you've done for me. This is just me returning the favor."

He slid the other glove and stretched it over his hand. Softly, almost a whisper, without taking his eyes off his would-be patient, "I wish there was another way too." The snap that followed the release of the glove was too loud in the small operating room.

---------------------------------o

---------------------------------o

19. Davy Back

Early Heart Pirates stuff. And another workaround for writing with at least one of the nameless Heart Pirates.

A Davy Back Fight is initiated for an abused crew member of the opposing crew because Penguin couldn't help himself. The rules are a work in progress, hence this fic's state in limbo.

I really like writing about how these guys were when starting out. They probably looked too adorable, to be honest, so in the harsh North Blue they must have had a hard time getting treated seriously. Not that that would have bothered them (I honestly think they exploited it a lot.)

The enemy captain stared intently at each Heart Pirate then at the list of members given to him. The man didn't bother controlling the upward curl of his mouth.

"No powers. No weapons. Sumo wrestling with your navigator and hand-to-hand combat with your doctor."

Shachi choked and struggled a little bit to get his breathing back to normal. He waved away Penguin's hands patting his back. The pats were a little too harsh, clearly an admonishment if the accompanying glare was anything to go by.

Penguin almost felt sorry for whoever it was being matched against Law. Bepo, while just as incensed by the other crew, was way too conscious of controlling his strength to ever really hurt anyone too badly. The captain, on the other hand, could turn someone into a useless writhing lump of agony by systematically dislocating joints Penguin hadn't even known could be dislocated. Gruesome as severed body parts looked, the powers could at least make it painless.

---------------------------------o

---------------------------------o

36. The Whimsical Captain Trafalgar Law

More Heart Pirates stuff though would feature some of the allied crews as well. This is actually a series/multi-chaptered (or would be).

A Heart Pirates adventure fic where they all go along with their captain's whims all while trying to figure him out. His crew is so used to it they barely even flinch anymore.

Not to say they understand him because who knows what goes inside their captain's head. In fact, they debate that sometimes (a lot of times) the crew being divided among those who think Law has got a plan and those who think he's winging it (often switching really).

"You can't possibly tell me there's some sort of plan behind this."

More than half of the crew looked a bit skeptical, the rest looked defensive.

Clione held up his hands. "Hey, I'm not complaining. I'll follow the captain wherever same as you. But you gotta admit that there isn't always a method to his madness. He really does do things on a whim."

"I disagree. The captain's just saying that but he knows what he's doing. Pretty sure there's a reason behind all his actions..." Protests started, so Penguin amended, "...that isn't just him being a bastard on purpose because he hates someone. Which is a pretty valid reason since we are pirates."

"How about that time we raided the flour factory?" Ikkaku asked.

Penguin's reply came immediately. "Discreet incendiary." A beat. "...also he hates bread."

Before they could celebrate, Shachi interrupted, "His dislike of bread counts as a reason and since it's incidental it doesn't count as a whim."

With narrowed eyes, Clione tried again. "The monastery? Dressing up as monks."

"Medicinal plant in the courtyard bred by this one priest."

"Marineford?"

"Allowed us to get intel and allies."

"And the emergency operations without anesthesia?"

"Possible drug interaction. Emporio Ivankov and their hormone powers."

So continued their back and forth. By the end of it, Penguin and Shachi looked way too smug. Truthfully, they both agreed Law was more impulsive than he let on, often unaware of it himself. But they knew the man they chose to follow always had a plan and purpose (though not necessarily present at the start, but semantics)

---------------------------------o

---------------------------------o

55. Marine Pet AU

Haha... Another one of those difficult to explain ones. Starring the Marines (particularly the original three admirals and Sengoku), and the Shichibukai.

Uhm... So everything's the same except the Shichibukai aren't pirates. They're animals. That's it.

It starts with a wayward flamingo wearing eyewear harassing officers near one of their HQs. Also the Marines need to improve their public image. For some reason, the best they came up with is to get a mascot. Hitting two birds with one stone. (Except they can't really hit the bird. They tried)

So the Marines build a zoo or a habitat. Here are the only types of pirates the World Government can tolerate. Aren't they cute and fluffy?

The public eat it all up. It's popular so now they have to commit. And really, these animals become so important their safety and wellbeing become the higher-ups' problem.

Kizaru is having fun. Aokiji is resigned. Akainu tries (he doesn't quite know what but he'll do what's best for the Marines even if that's getting that damn flamingo away from the reptile enclosure for the tenth time that week on a Tuesday.)

Will feature other marines as well as all of the Shichibukai. All of them.

He checked the schedule and sighed deeply.

Boa, Doflamingo, Mihawk.

He had the most troublesome ones. Briefly, he contemplated just letting his subordinates handle them but quickly scrapped the idea.

He wouldn't say these animals were attached to him and the other admirals but they got more difficult to handle the lower the rank as though these creatures' egos get ruffled. It wasn't a matter of ability. It was perhaps more accurate to say that they had respect. A modicum of it.

It should be Boa's feeding time. Another sigh escaped him as he headed towards the grooming room, a room specifically made to groom Boa's food.

It took them a while to figure out the snake's preferred diet but they found it out when a stray kitten had snuck in and Boa swooped in to swallow it whole. From there they determined that she would only eat cute animals--any less adorable and she doesn't even look at it. So puppies and kittens. And maybe bunny rabbits. Which was bad from a PR perspective so they've taken to grooming rats. Put a nice lovely ribbon and brushed them so they're all fluffy.

He entered the grooming room and one of the officers assigned there took a quick look at him, glanced down the rat they were grooming, then burst to tears (they tended to get attached.) He pressed his hand to his head letting the ice cool down his budding headache. Why couldn't he have gotten Jinbe?

Thank you for playing. :)

[deltaengineering]

that was the winter anime 2021 that was

Still not quite ready for a dozen posts about how terrible the likes of Combatants Will Be Dispatched are, sorry. Watch Vivy though, it owns. Here’s some more things that are (mostly) good. As always, worst to best.

Yatogame-chan Kansatsu Nikki S3

Yatogame has long run out of hot Nagoya facts and its ensemble comedy never amounted to much, so now it seems mostly content to just spam more and more wacky character designs. About the only thing that it has left going for it is that 3 minutes a week are more effort to drop than to watch, so I expect them to make a movie next. 4/10

Go-toubun no Hanayome S2

Quints is a weird one. S1 was a barely good enough (i.e., well above average) implementation of the ages old harem chestnut. S2 is actually better at the core of its appeal, since it gives all the characters a sharper profile (things like taking Nino from joke to badass and making Ichika a villain are no mean feat), but it does pay a steep price for it. You see, to deliver a steady drip feed of meaningful character moments it apparently has to rush through the source material at a breakneck pace, which completely wrecks the "story" part of this story and makes every episode seem like a recap. And it still keeps wasting precious time on vestigial nonsense like its framing device and the Kyoto flashback scenario that was already the worst part of S1. But by far the most annoying aspect is its insistence on keeping all the options valid, since it prevents any real progress and makes everything seem arbitrary and pointless. So sure enough, after a season of much ado we still don't end up anywhere — you can't really raise the stakes if all at stake was "who wins" to begin with. It's watchable and even enjoyable scene-for-scene but it's getting harder and harder to call it a solid show overall. 5/10

Skate Leading Stars

I was watching this primarily because I didn't like Yuri on Ice much and wanted to see if something that is a blatant attempt to cash in on it would be better — because while YoI delivers on one aspect (being hella gay), it really is an absolute shambles of a sports show. And sure enough, Skate Leading has none of the auteur appeal of YoI, but it just works much better. In particular I appreciate how it managed to make me care even a little about a cast of assholes, which is a nice contrast to the nauseatingly ingratiating way YoI tries to make you love its characters. Also, Skate Leading is just generally cheap and unambitious, so not susceptible to trying hard and painfully flaming out on the presentation side like YoI is. But at some point you gotta let go of these comparisons and on its own Skate Leading is... just fine, I guess? Competent, mildly engaging, not very memorable. And that's probably where it loses to Yuri on Ice in the end after all, even if I think it's "better". 6/10

Idoly Pride

Idoly Pride sold itself on me with a really good (and hilarious/tragic) first episode that was just too bizarre to ignore — I mean, how can you ignore GHOST IDOL MANAGERS. Well, the majority of the show isn't like that. It's a competent and solid version of the idol franchise show, yes, but it really had more potential than that. Especially midseason, it gets lost in these dozens of characters, and while they're all likeable, it does seem like a waste of a good story just centered on Mana/Kotona/Sakura. By the end it comes back around to the heart of the matter with a Maeda-style sob story, which could be a disaster but seasoned veteran Jukki Hanada makes it work anyway. Overall, there's quite a bit of ridiculous hacky melodrama in this, but quite honestly that's the best part and I wish it would concentrate more on it. The rest is just okay. 6/10

Yuru Camp S2

Yuru Camp is still likely the best pure iyashikei show when it gets down to business. Compared to S1 though, this seems to happen less and less. At its peaks (i.e., basically any quiet moment with Rin) it's at least as good as ever, and there's some good cast additions like Mini-Inuko, but it appears that Yuru Camp simply has run out of things you can do with camping and it fills up the time with other... stuff. This stuff includes the generic school club shenanigans it was never particularly good at, and a gigantic helping of crass consumerism. Yeah, I would say the majority of Yuru Camp is just a straight up infomercial at this point, which itself ranges from the perfectly acceptable (which cute anime isn't about food constantly), to the sketchy (I don't know whether the Izu tourism board cut this production a fat check, but if they didn't, Yuru Camp still gives its best effort to make it seem that way) to the highly irritating – I am aware that camping requires gear and you can't just ignore that, but you most definitely do not require whole arcs dedicated to talking about raising funds for the purposes of acquiring the Lamp of Comfy Happiness at your friendly local Caribou™ either. Not to mention an arc where the aforementioned lame school club does the same, for double irritation. Make no mistake, this show is so riddled with scenes that beg for a solution to embed affiliate links in video files that it makes me wish I was watching something as anticapitalist and underground as Love Live. And irritating really is the last thing a show with this core concept, as stellar as it is at that, can afford to be. Bummer. 6/10

SKOO the Infinity

Skoo has one really huge asset: ADAM, its magnificent villain. It also has one really huge liability: Reki, its not magnificent protagonist. To be more specific, it's very good at anything outrageous, physics-defying and silly, such as most scenes ADAM is in, and quite bad at anything serious, dramatic (in a serious way) and down to earth, such as most scenes Reki is in. So, what's the verdict? Well, the rest of the cast is more ADAM-like, and Reki's co-protagonist Langa is fine as the straight (yeah, right) man. The tedious buddy drama is a comparatively small part of this show, and at least it pays off quite well in the end. Seriously, I was ready to give this a 6, but the final episode is probably the best one of the show, in all of its aspects. That's really not something you see often. Skoo's a great time. Except when it's not. 7/10

Non Non Biyori Nonstop

Speaking of the rare good ending, what about we gave one of those to a slim and inconsequential slice-of-life show? NNB has always been solid, comfy and amusing quality with a couple of standout moments (usually something with Renge), and Nonstop has that plus an ending as conclusive as any show of this type is ever going to have. Besides, it does a lot of things right by focusing on more characters than the central 4 (especially Konomi has great material in S3), it expands the universe just enough to not get stale, and it moves things forward — It's definitely a lot better than the movie, is what I'm saying. Apart from that, well, we're three seasons in, if you have any interest in this you probably don't need me to explain what's good about NNB at this point. Bonus points for being nothing but an ad for the manga. 7/10

Wonder Egg Priority

Oh boy, so here's the big one. Wonder Egg is the rare Meaningful Arthouse Show About Real Issues You Guys, as you might have heard. And well, the long and short of it is that it's a very good show with quite a few glaring problems (besides not actually being finished due to production issues, but what we have is enough of an ending to be able to meaningfully talk about it). In particular, one problem: WEP is, at its core, one of these metaphorical Magical Girl-ish series that are just a thin layer of abstraction over coming-of-age or societal problems. The issue is that "metaphorical" in this case means "literal" and "thin" means "basically nonexistent". This show is not subtle regarding what it's about, at all. This is a double-edged sword — on the positive side, some things really should just be said aloud, and I'm really, really fucking tired of the Ikuhara style of "here's some wacky things, maybe a blog post will eventually tell you how it's actually about the most important thing ever" obfuscation — if it's really so important, just spell it out. On the other hand, there are limits to this and when a second, different Ai appears I don't really need a voiceover line telling me that yep, this show is about parallel universes now. WEP spells out many important things, but it also spells out many things that are implicitly clear or better left vague. Not to mention that with being so obvious up front, the show's tendency to leave figuring out what it's actually saying about it up to the viewer can leave the wrong impression. Again, I settled on the opinion that it's subtle after all where it counts the most, but you might easily get the impression that it pulls its punches (Ikuhara does this the exact other way around — once you figure out what the fuck he's talking about it's abundantly clear what he's saying about it).

In fact, this show is so good at subtle, quiet character moments that it calls into question the need for big huge fighting fantasy layer in the first place, especially since I'm not a fan of the fantasy designs and the fights aren't great. Sure, they look impressive on a technical level (this show is very good looking in general), but the lack of actual impact or rhythm makes me think this is not made by people who are very familiar with action and maybe they should have asked some seasoned shounen veterans for this — or just, you know, not do it. They can (and do) impress with character acting in quiet scenes just the same. And while Ai's character story actually does pay off quite nicely by the end we got, and Momoe and Rika are also handled well, Neiru's backstory is significantly less good, not to mention the whole Frill subplot regarding the show's mythology that they introduced just before (and that's the part to be resolved at a later date), which is a huge can of worms. We'll see how well they handle that, I suppose, but as it is it's a weird and vestigial detour that doesn't add much besides thematic headaches.

But yeah, apart from all that — I like it, a lot. Great character writing in the details, cool looks for the most part, tons of ambition, and a message that I consider to be appropriately handled — for the most part, and for now. Not quite ambitious arthouse anime at its finest, but also not a pretentious disaster like Sarazanmai, Monogatari et al. 8/10