#guys. please.

[darlin-djarin]

beautiful art! unfortunately you have drawn them as white, so i will now be blocking you. good day.

[lesbiansandwich]

me when the uh and then she uhm

Yah

[discordiansamba]

anyways spitballing some facts about the accidental paladin matt AU:

Matt and Keith are very much the 'why is it when something happens around here, it's always one of you two' duo.

Turns out spending several years fighting in a space war where killing is kind of a necessity fucks up your morals. just a little bit. Matt goes from "killing is wrong" to "a little murder for a good cause never hurt anyone" overnight.

People think Matt's listening to music when he's training at the Garrison but he is in fact listening to science and engineering audiobooks. It's great! He's working on all of his muscles at once!

Matt's bayard takes on the form of a staff. Because of course it does.

Matt's knowledge of the future isn't exactly flawless. A lot of what he knows about the paladins adventures before he reunites with Pidge is based off of stuff he's been told by them, so the details are off in places. For example he knows that Sendak takes over the Castleship during the party with the Arusians, he just... doesn't know how.

He also never knew that Pidge tried to ditch the paladins to find him and their dad. Which she still tries to do in this timeline, only she's looking for her dad and fully expects him to agree to come with her... which he does not do. So they fight.

Matt knows where to find their father but knows that a.) they can't do this alone, b.) they can't just leave all of those other prisoners behind and c.) he's pretty sure that like. right after this the paladins have to go save that Balmera and that's *kind of* the more pressing time concern.

Matt and Keith are sparring buddies. Matt helps Keith with his homework back at the Garrison. They watch terrible sci-fi movies together. They're best friends, though Keith will never admit that much... only to have his best friend and his brother be declared dead after Kerberos.

Pidge and Keith team up to find answers. She still ends up enrolling in the Garrison under an assumed identity.

Keith is itching to find Shiro. Matt would love to help him, but he's kind of at loss as to where Shiro would be. Even if he was rescued by the same rebels who freed him, there's no guarantee that they'd have the same job.

Matt gets the white streak and Shiro gets to keep his black hair. They keep their respective canon scars though.

Matt introduces Coran to memes. What has he done.

The weird stuff that Pidge has been noticing about her brother for years now just keeps increasing once they get to space. It's probably just due to being imprisoned by the Galra... right?

[puckszone]

do the kings realize that sometimes. we can NOT create penalties?? and sometimes the hockey game can be played 5-on-5??

[bocceclub]

why do saber fencers scream like they're being murdered

[lkluvsu]

GIRL GET UP 🚨🚨🚨

WHAT THE FUCK

[hearty-an0n]

guys you know they have to win four right? even if we lose tonight we r not out?? guys please. we got this

[gritty-big-naturals]

we have 17 shots on goal and nothing

[desperatepleasures]

one time I used the ben affleck smoking reaction image in the family group chat and my mom replied with the funniest possible response which was: "mommy doesn't know who the guy is???" and that phrase has not left my brain since. I'll see blorbos on my dash that I don't recognize and I'll be like well it seems mommy doesn't know who the guy is.

[medichamcham]

i really enjoy looking through reddit threads related to death metal because the replies sound like a groupchat for cartoon villains

[teaboot]

Okay so I'm a security guard, right

And part of why I like my job is cause I'm pretty good at deescalating conflicts without violence or police involvement

And that *might* be because my primary coping mechanism for stress is humor, and if the guy in the uniform isn't stressed out, usually nobody else is either

But anyhow today I witnessed a crime, which 911 had already been called for

And I'm telling the guy, you know, as he's running away, that nobody's gonna touch him, we don't do that here, I don't have any weapons and he can totally walk on out if he wants to

And he gives me this 'go-fuck-yourself" type answer, right? As you do

And I fucking

I fucking. Start danCING

I DONT KNOW WHY

I WAS JUST LIKE "aight guess I'll go fuck myself then, cheerio" AND START FUCKING DANCING

LIKE MY BRAIN WAS LIKE "Cool not being attacked, gotta keep the witnessed calm, gotta stay chill and breezy" AND THE PHYSICAL RESPONSE FOR THAT WAS TO SYART DOING THIS SASSY FUCKING JIG

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZR I WAS FDOUNG IT UNTIL SOMEONE POIU TED IT OUT AFTER

and it all ended fine and the dude is in custody and I get a call from my boss like "Yeah we're gonna need to send footage to police"

AND

FUCKING

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN COURT SOMEWHERE

IM DOUNG A SRUPID LITTLE DANCE ON CAMERA AS THIS GUY LOSES HIS MIND AND ITS GONNA BE ON COURT SOMEWHERW

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING IVE WVER DONE

I HATE MYSELFD

[girldraki]

this is insane

[gayvampyr]

asking people to be mindful of others when sharing a communal space (especially one you cannot just up and leave from) is not selfish or misanthropic. come on now

[brbarou]

affection that held us together

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt