#guys. please dont take me seriously. I was so insane while reading this i chugged like three water bottles in 15 minutes

[monards]

(why and how) The Heart of Naberius is Rhinedottir's plan to absolve herself 

( a slight crack theory brought to you, by yours truly !!!!! )

  I think that it’s sort of just a general fact that the amount of motives rhine could have to taking the heart of naberius are as plenty as there are theories on who and what paimon is ,,, but after a long and hard night of thinking (chugging three bottles of water and listening to the silver thread soundtrack) I came to the very indecisive conclusion that may or may not be using it for the purpose of absolving her sins.

   As far as we know (and can assume) ; the Heart of Naberius is some adjacent to a gnosis, mostly due to the idea of ‘hearts’ and it holding some inordinate amount of power –  whether that be because it IS a gnosis, or is some sort of primitive/alternate version for another level of power in celestia’s hierarchy is debatable, but it still stands that it more or less likely holds a similar purpose and power as the gnosis the archons have.   In the Fontaine archon quest; it is very much drilled into us that a gnosis has a WHOLE lot of meaning besides just being a communication gateway between both archon and celestia. We find out not only that, hey!! those are actually the third descenders’ corpse!! lolsies!!! – but also that they have SOME association with the sovereign’s power, whether that be on their own or through their respective god/archon. Since, by Neuvillette acquiring it after Focalor’s death, he - for the most part- properly gains back his abilities and powers as the Hydro Sovereign

 And obviously, that's all fine and dandy!!! Woohoo for gnosis lore!! But in the case of looking at Rhinedottir; that adds a WHOLE lot of weight onto her possible plan with the Heart of Naberius.

  Beginning at just the cataclysm, there’s a clear connection between Rhinedottir and ‘Dragons’; > Two of her most prevalent creations are both Durin & Elynas ; and a common thread between the two is their CONTINUOUS description of being ‘otherworldly’ or ‘disfigured’ in some manner   ^ This is incredibly important because it directly aligns with what would be expected of the Dragon Sovereign. They lived in a Teyvat which is noted to be much, much harsher and different from the modern-day; And so, that would imply that, evolutionary, they would’ve evolved to be built for far, far more rugged and tough landscape then what Teyvat is today– we even see this fact in comparing Apep to just Dvalin & Azdaha ; she’s notably larger, and far, far more intimidating and ‘otherworldly’ to put it simply.   ^ This is important because, quite evidently, both Elynas and Durin in no way appear to be ‘made’ for Teyvat. Both, when compared to other draconic-creatures, are out of place; Being excessive in size, notably different physical appearances (think difference between how Durin is described “black skeletal dragon with glowing red eyes. His wings have long veins running along the folds.” VS Dvalin who’s described as “that bejeweled, lovely dragon”) Both of their appearances directly align with the line of thinking you’d have with the sovereign; and even more, it’s clear from comparing just Apep & Elynas– Both have serpentine like forms, which are excessive in size, which can also harbour life in them. Which, I REALLY doubt is a coincidence .   ^ Plys, even more, Just their abilities alone clearly surpass some of the more powerful entities we’ve met. As is seen in Durin and Dvalin’s battle during the cataclysm; where Durin (to put it very very kindly) almost completely wiped the floor, and probably would have, if he hadn’t become aware of WHAT he was doing. This fact alone already establishes that all of the dragons Rhinedottir has created have in no way aligned with the standards of Teyvat as it is today, because even in fighting an archon and celestial dragon– these abilities are FAR excessive in strength and power. Meaning that, more or less likely; they were intended for survival in a far, far harsher environment– one akin to Teyvat prior to the primordial one.   ^ Also, although it’s a bit more crude of an idea; this can explain why subject two was not killed after being essentially fed to Durin ; as it can imply that there was some trait in his anatomy that fostered his growth while in dvalin’s belly, rather than digesting and ACTUALLY killing him. And the only known dragons, and notable creatures, to have that ability IS Apep; one of the Dragon Sovereign. > All of this would imply that, as of that point, there’d already been an attempt to resurrect/recreate the sovereign for one reason or another.  

  And, even more, by just looking at the real mythological Naberius himself, he “restores lost dignities and honors,” ; which aligns terribly well with the narrative of Rhinedottir attempting to restore her dignity and honor as a scientist, and someone who was clearly working to provide food and resources to the people of Khaneriah, by erasing her title as a ‘sinner’, let alone The Great Sinner 

// This is maybe where I go a little more off the rails by throwing Albedo into this mess. Everything beyond this point is babbling. 

Albedo’s involvement;

  We know that Albedo was, obviously, born after the cataclysm; and this isn’t all to consequential until you remember a certain Iudex who was brought into power 400~ years ago, meaning that, as of the point Albedo was created; Rhinedottir would’ve been be fully aware of Neuvillete’s existence ,, which implies a WHOLE lot of things.

   If the gnosis truly does hold the power of the dragon sovereign; this could explain Albedo’s purpose.       At that point in time; Rhinedottir would be formally aware that The Dragon Sovereign can, and are, as far as Neuvillette goes, reincarnated as humans. Meaning that she didn’t have to keep making dragon after dragon, to fulfill her goal; and instead, just had to make a human.   //  Just looking at them alone; both Neuvillete and Albedo hold PLENTY of similarities in their stories that can imply that, in some way, Albedo’s creation and story/fate may or may not take major inspiration from Neuvillette himself // Both feel as if, in some way, they’re ‘separate’ from the rest of humanity;   They’re both notoriously unfamiliar with a plenty of things, which if you squint a bit at; have the same base concept and ideas. They’re both actively learning to understand humanity through another person, too >  Neuvillette, through Furina and her continuous insistence, learns all about humanity; their sorrows, their ambitions, their sacrifice, etc… – and, it can very easily be assumed the one reason he’s not a total and complete recluse is DUE to her pushing and prodding for him to get out, and experience humanity as it is. > Albedo shares a similar point of learning through Klee,, with her acting as his line between his research, and the people of Mondstadt– and just as Furina does Neuvillete- she acts as his reason to connect and learn about humanity, as through her, he takes break from his continuous work and research in dragonspine, to come to Mondstadt!! (this probably isn’t a very good explanation of klee & albedo’s lore,, but one of my loveliest mutuals @haidengjiehas a ton of very very very amazing explanations on their blog that explains their relationship in a lot more depth and thought if you want to understand them more !!!!!!!!  )

  // They also both share a common theme of wanting to learn of, or acquiring some ‘truth’ – and even though this is a common plot device in most of the characters in genshin– i think it’s very important with these two especially; because, more often than not, this truth is derived from humanity itself; >   Neuvillete, prior to coming to Fontaine, was likely horribly similar to Apep in thought and perspective.   We even see so in his character stories, and lack of understanding around humanity as a whole; that he had no initial understanding of humans, or modern Teyvat, prior to being Iudex.   However, it’s established that as of after Fontaine's archon quest; he has officially learned what's essentially the ‘truth’ to him; that humans aren’t what he has made them out to be, all this time; that, instead, they’re dynamic. They experience both joy and sorrow, selfishness and sacrifice– and that above all, they’re not in any way the seemingly despicable entities he likely initially thought them to be for many, many years ( think his “He would never admit that he himself had become quite fascinated with the joys and sorrows of humanity.” line in his 5th character story) >   Albedo also shares this common thread of narrative !!!   Albedo, prior to becoming chief alchemist of the KOF, likely had little to no understanding of humans outside of Rhinedottir, which would imply it definitely wasn’t the.. best of opinions, if she was all he was going based off of.   But, in becoming Chief Alchemist; he was put into a position where he was now exposed to all sorts of people. He was exposed to warmth and love , ambition and determination, and the way many people cope with the adversities in their life.   ^ And, even though we haven’t seen him come to his ‘truth’ yet, we can very well anticipate that this truth is meant to be obtained through this exact manner as Neuvillete’s. In his 5th character story, we see him note "I hope this isn't just wishful thinking, but... when parents speak to their children about 'the meaning of this world'... surely they just mean the pursuit of a happy life?" which, given his very, very clear intelligence and better understanding of the world and humanity now; it’s cleary implied that he’s likely already surmised in some way that Rhinedottir had this intention in sending him out into the world (Thinking back to my Rhinedottir knowing she could never provide Albedo a real example of humanity post,) ; similarly to how Neuvillette  had– she wished for him to acquire this truth through understanding and experiencing humanity.

 Roping this all back into this purpose; this could very well entail that, similarly to how Neuvillette is to the Fontanians and their sins, Albedo’s purpose is to act as salvation for Rhinedottir, (or even khaneri’ah as a whole, if you wanna get REALLY into it)   The gnosis, after Neuvillete's acquisition of it, allowed for him to regain his authority; and forgive the ‘sins’ of the people of Fontaine. The event during which he forgives these sins, prior to what happens, is very, very much similarly referred to as whatever event albedo is to ‘lose control’ during.

  // Both of these events have inherently negative connotations. Obviously, the flooding of Fontaine was implied to result in the death of every single Fontanian; However, it ended up being the opposite– As, after Neuvillete finally realized ‘truth’ he chose to save them, rather than fulfill his original intent to not do anything to save them, which would’ve had them all killed (Think the fact he came to fontaine with a similar mindset as Apep towards  humanity and modern Teyvat.)   ^ As of now; whatever Albedo has been referring to has had VERY similar treatment. In almost every instance of Albedo mentioning it, he almost always implies it isn’t gonna end well; and by law of assumption, that leaves us thinking Mondstadt going bye-bye.   ^ The issue with this, though, is his acquisition of truth. He has, as of yet, not found out what ‘the truth of this world’ really is; mostly due to him not fully understanding where to begin with it. He has the idea, obviously; we see the budding of those thoughts in him thinking that maybe Rhinedottir really had just wanted him to live a happy life to achieve the truth– and, if that were the case- that would mean the exact mirroring of Neuvillete’s story; which could very well imply that whatever this event of him ‘losing control’ is, can be controlled and prevented in a roundabout way.

  ///   We can also very well assume that, similar to Neuvillette, in Albedo ‘losing control’ ; he’s bound to gain some abilities which would shoot his power scaling up. T >  This power is very likely going to come from the Heart of Naberius; as it’s a recurring theme in almost every one of rhine’s creations, that there power and entire being is derived from their heart (hence why they’re such important elements in their stories) and being as right now, out of all her “miraculous creations” , he has yet to gain a real and monumental demonstration of a physical heart ; and there’s no other painstakingly obvious source for this newfound power THEN the Heart of Naberius.   ^ Upon obtaining this power, he would be made to make the choice between fulfilling what he believes was his intent to gaining that power; or the opposite, and saving Mondstadt instead– which is more or less likely to be the case; which if you wanted to get symbolistic with it, could really show him obtaining a ‘heart’– as hearts are mostly commonly utilized to represent love and compassion.

//  >  And, if we’re still assuming that some portion of the dragon sovereign’s authority is held within the gnosis, and the Heart of Naberius IS a gnosis of some kind; this would then align him in under the same logic of how Neuvillete describes himself, “he is one strong enough to equal and rival "the human realm," and logic would dictate that he need not subscribe to this system known as "fate."” This explanation would also explain Mona’s lack of note on his constellation in her voiceline around him.   ^ The importance of Mona's voiceline is that it’s the EXACT same thing that happened in Fontaine. The Traveler & Paimon were at a point of understanding that Fontaine was destined to be destroyed, with everyone being bound to turning back into oceanids   ^ However, Nicole (and what we can assume is the rest of Hexenzirkel) are aware this is not the case. And although Nicole does not fully disclose it to us, she in no way insinuates that what we know is the full truth.  // This aligns with Mona’s reaction, as it shows her neither confirming or denying Albedo’s fate in discussing his constellation; she instead steers around the topic, and merely spends her voiceline about him talking about him as whole– not his constellation, or anything pertaining to it and his fate– only who he is. She would know we’re aware of what we believe is bound to happen to Albedo; because we’re REPEATEDLY established as being some of those closest to him, so it’s not as if she’s hiding it for his safety, or privacy – instead she’s vehemently avoiding the topic, implying she knows something we don't; and that she can’t tell us, as if we were to know– it’s very likely we could in some way throw off fate; Think how we, as a descender, have the power to change Teyvat’s fate. And in us knowing what is fated to happen, we could in some way act abnormally due to that knowledge, and change what was originally bound to happen– which would alter the course of destiny, which could very well then lead to all hell for Albedo.   // ^ this can also explain what we assume is her ignorance towards Rhinedottir.   In knowing Albedo’s fate is not what it really is, and stated to be– and is instead far, far better than it; she would be aware Rhinedottir does not have wholly bad intentions, and neither is a monster sending her son to slaughter, hence her not lambasting her at any point– and even indirectly saying she’d wish would’ve rather not had Barbeloth as her master, while discussing the way Albedo had turned out, while RAISED by Rhinedottir ; which very, very much implies she finds some good qualities in her, to warrant that opinion (Because, as much as Mona may not like Barbeloth; I’d doubt she’d prefer a supposed homicidal maniac who has fated literally every one of her children to death, had that been the case.)

     // Obviously; there’s also the point and situation that the gnosese themselves don’t hold the Sovereign's power; but even then, there’s a very clear way to escape that paradox of a problem.   If we follow the alternative theory that the archon/god in relation to a gnosis needs to be killed, resulting in the destruction of their ‘throne’ and release of the sovereign authority; then Rhinedottir’s obviously capable of making that happen.   We see VERY clearly that Rhinedottir has knowledge and ability that can kill god, as if Durin was able to do all that to Venti & Dvalin; it’s been over 500 years since she created him, and if there’s anything to be established about Rhinedottir– it’s that she’s HIGHLY ambitious. So it’s right of assumption that at some point over the past few centuries, she’s definitely acquired enough of the knowledge/ability and power required to create an entity, or strategy, to dispose of whatever god is directly connected to the heart of Naberius.   ^ This is even established by her following the Shade Of Life’s steps; She would, and does, clearly have the plan to gain some authority/power in equivalence to celestia, and it can be a possibility that she’s mirroring the Shade Of Life as her example to achieve such status. (Since shades are direct fragments of the primordial one; it can be assumed they’re some of the most powerful entities in Teyvat; which would explain why Rhinedottir would mirror one.)   ^ This would then explain her absence. Similarly to both Focalors and Neuvillette; Neuvillete functions just as he does with no idea of Focalors’ plan, and Focalors works behind the scenes to orchestrate everything so that it all plays out as she intends it. 

Does this imply Rhinedottir may or may not self sacrifice? Maybe. Can this also imply another Focalors & Furina parallel being established between Rhinedottir and a new “Miraculous Creation” she may have made over the past 400-ish years since albedo? Maybe. Does this also maybe-possibly mean that Rhinedottir smoked multiple pipes using the leaves of irminsul tree to obtain this absurd amount of knowledge? Perhaps. Am I gonna elaborate? Absolutely not bbecause oh my GOD are my fingers burning with how much i’ve had to type.

(big, big, BIG creds to @mchib for reading this and letting me know how insane i sounded. you are so lovely and i appreciate you very much. (can you guys tell what the verdict was.))

[tigerdrop]

Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk