#guys i know nothing about lore please be nice

[wosofutbolfan]

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

Alexia Putellas x Explorer!R

8.5k Fluff, Fun, Minor Angst

Hi Guys,

This is pt4. in the 'I Would Climb Every Mountain With You" otherwise known as Explorer!R Universe. TW: description of killing an animal.

Highly recommend you read those 3 first, as this is entrenched in lore. Pt 1 can be found here.

It's developed from an ask I received from @karsonromanoff so thank you so much for the idea! I hope I did it justice and I'm sorry for the delay and the words. ha.

This is the first time I've written since my dad died. I'm not being emo or heavy about it but I am asking to please, be kind. I know there's nice people out there but often they're drowned out by the loud haters.

So throw us a comment, like or reblog if you enjoyed. I'm just trying to get back into something that brought me joy. I know I enjoyed writing it.

Also, may be weird for a fic about a spanish gay footballer, but you probably need a good working knowledge of Bear Grylls to understand 80% of this. ha.

As has become tradition, here's the song running though my head when writing! Yes, my music taste remains to be that of someone born in 1962. God love Helen Reddy.

“Vamos Ale! I don’t like to make Miguel wait…” you shout from the kitchen, bag resting on the countertop as you try to fix your bracelet with your left hand,

“Deja de preocuparte, a él no le importa, I will be one minute…” you head called back from the bedroom where your wife had been getting dressed for 2 hours now.

Yes.

Your wife.

Sometimes you couldn’t believe it.

Sometimes the weight of the band on your finger catches you by surprise and you’d remember.

Sometimes Alexia would place her hand on your bare thigh and you could feel the cool metal on your skin and you’d remember.

Sometimes you’d get called “Mrs Putellas” at a school talk, or at the Doctors, and you’d remember.

It felt so natural that sometimes you’d forget that you weren’t always Alexia's wife.

But now you are. And had been for almost 6 months. And married life couldn’t have suited you more.

Your wedding ring was your new favourite accessory, you never took it off.

In a fire you would save Alexia and your ring.

Maybe even your ring first.

It was embossed with the imprint of grass that Alexia has been collecting from each pitch of each game she had played in since you had met. The intricate design brought tears to your eyes as soon as you saw it. Made even worse by the inscription “’cause you are my goal”. 

You would be embarrassed if Alexia hadn’t cried like a toddler when you presented her with the ring you had made for her, which had rock from each of the 7 peaks you had scaled, as well as a granule of sand from the Dead Sea set within it. Integrated into the metal, visible but smooth to the touch. 

The inscription 'every mountain high, every valley low' on the inside of the band.

You knew you’d done good and you knew your Ale well enough to anticipate the absolute mess she would be when presented with it, ensuring you had a pocket full of tissues for the inevitable waterfall.

You weren’t wrong.

You had to assure a passing couple on the trail you had chosen that she was fine, not having a medical incident and you were definitely not mid break-up but in fact exchanging wedding bands early because you knew your fiance well enough she didn’t need her teammates to witness this much of her soft side.

Though you tried, they still saw enough on your wedding day to tease her for the last 6 months with no sign of slowing down.

Though right now your wife's behaviour was nothing but unexpected. You had agreed to attend one of Alexia's events this evening. Since getting married you had felt more of a duty to attend and make up for the years you’d left her carrying her own handbag whilst you trotted over mountains on the other side of the world. 

She insisted that you didn’t have to. Like she always did. You weren’t one for the fancy dresses and the flashing cameras. But you saw the gleam of hope in her eyes as she insisted she would be fine on her own.

You couldn’t let that sparkle dim.

Also you had to set off for a camp in a few days and you had gotten seriously stuck in the honeymoon phase meaning that an evening without your wife by your side wasn’t something you could stomach.

Not that you would admit to being so clingy.

But it wasn’t like Ale to take so long to get ready, neither of you being particularly fussy, usually she would throw on some light makeup, smack your bum whilst you ate nutella off a knife under the hob light, procrastinating getting ready until she dragged you and dropped you into the ensuite, steal a kiss and a spray of perfume, and wait for you whilst watching old football clips in the living room.

But now, as you still struggled to attach the clasp of your bracelet and you had one eye on the poor Barca driver, Miguel, waiting in your driveway, you started to grow frustrated at your wife's sudden vanity.

You smelt her perfume invading your senses as you felt her arms envelope you from behind, moving your uncoordinated left hand away and easily attaching the clasp of your bracelet for you, pressing a kiss to your neck as she did so.

“Finalmente… Let’s g-...” you spoke as you turned in her embrace, finally taking in her attire which stopped you in your tracks.

“Boobs”

You had suddenly turned into a 14 year old boy and you couldn’t explain it.

You had seen your wife naked hundreds of times.

Hundreds of fantastic times.

But here she stood looking, regal. Her hair falling lightly over her face, her dark sparkly dress with wide shoulders and only what you could describe as a boob portal you had been rendered speechless. Mouth gaping open like a fish.

“...Amor?...” you heard the delight in her voice. “Are you listening to me… my eyes are up here.” she jokingly clicked her fingers in front of your face which took you out of your breast-inspired trance.

“Ale you are so beautiful” you looked deeply into her eyes but you didn’t miss the blush rising from her neck. And you meant it. She was. Wow. 

“Do you like it?” she asked, shyly, “You don’t think it’s too much? It’s just the first event we’ve gone to together since we got married and I wanted to…”

You interrupt her but pressing a kiss to her lips, and, well, if you slipped a little tongue in there then fine. She was your wife after all.

“What? Show the world what they're missing out on? I am so proud to stand by your side, my love.” you whispered into her lips, as you toyed with her wedding band. 

You couldn’t help yourself…”and your boobs are fantastic.” 

She barked out a laugh as you leaned back into where you left off, but she took a step back, her heel clicking against the tile floor, to which you let out an annoyed grumble.

“Oi Oi, Mi Amor. What about poor Miguel, he is waiting, Si?” she teased.

“He doesn’t care… Cálla y bésame.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You took a deep breath and leaned back on your chair at the round table you found yourself at. Alexia had been pulled from your side which she had stuck to like glue all evening,  to go and present the final award of the evening which she had just done, very sexily if you do say so yourself. All confident and boob-y.

You smiled, imagining her now making small talk backstage, eyes bored but a smile plastered on her face as she tried to make her way back to your table.

Your other table-mates seemed to take the opportunity of the break in the ceremony to raid the free bar put on by the charity. Which seemed very uncharitable of them. But, as you toyed with the rim of your glass, who were you to judge?

Stomach full from a mediocre-mass produced meal and head happily fuzzy from the bubbles you had consumed you found yourself oddly satisfied as you sat here. In this conference room-turned auditorium in the middle of Barcelona, here, loudly and proudly as Alexia's wife.

Mrs Putellas.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, you felt weirdly grown-up. With your wife, your house, and your business. You blinked and missed yourself becoming so settled and for once in your life you weren’t terrified of the idea.

You saw the glint in Alexia's eye. When Irene and her wife would come round for dinner and bring their kid. She’d surrender all hostess duties and sit on the living room floor, crawling around at the beck and call of whatever imaginary game the 5 year old insisted on. You’d seen her perfect her lion roar in that very spot. It probably matched the glint in yours when you were grocery shopping and a child being pushed in a trolley would go past shoving cookies into the trolley without their Mother seeing.

Maybe, you thought, maybe it was time…

“It is you! I am so sorry to interrupt. I had to come over to introduce myself. I am such a fan…”

You glanced around, expecting Alexia to be standing over your shoulder and smiling politely at the person who had approached your table to meet her… but you were met with blank space and then you engaged your silly brain and realised the person was speaking English and looking at you and…

Oh My God.

It’s Bear Grylls.

“Oh My God. You’re Bear Grylls.” 

You let out. 

Stupidly.

Standing and thrusting your hand out like an idiot to your legitimate childhood hero.

You and your brother would watch his series for hours as children. Sat cross-legged 2 inches from the TV on your living room floor, eating up every second of his adventures. Your mum had to stop you from eating a woodlouse once in your garden because you’d seen him eat a cricket in the Amazon the evening before. Your brother smacked upside the head for trying to drink a cup of his own wee for the same reason.

Now you were a well-seasoned adventurer yourself you knew that all of that was for theatricks. 

You had spent more than 7 weeks wandering the Amazon yourself once, and not one drop of urine passed your lips. Not one 8 legged insect had you gulped down in one.

But still.

Hero.

He took your hand graciously, as you both sat back down you prepared to barrage him with questions but before you could he jumped right in…

“I have been wanting to meet you for years. But my team said you had disappeared off to Spain and couldn’t be tracked down. Please, I've been desperate to know. .. Tell me all about summiting Orjas del Salado…”

So you told him, and you asked him about his adventures, and you chatted for what could have been hours, sharing stories and advice with Bear-fucking-Grylls.

He blushed as you pointed out his for-TV tricks and you thanked him for being a portal into the wider world from your living room.

At some point you felt Alexia return, a strong hand on your shoulder. You paused your monologue about Patagonia and giddily took her hand in yours, introducing them to each other. 

Polite pleasantries exchanged you could tell she had legitimately no idea what was going on or who this middle-aged English guy at your table was, but judging from your excited eyes, she didn’t need to interrupt.

It didn’t take too long for someone from his team to pull him away for an interview with the charity. But as you stood to say your goodbyes he made an offer, “You know, me and the production company are making a special about survival in the Alps… I would love for you to be a guest star.”

You stood there like a gaping fish for a moment. “Really?” you asked, in wonder, your 7 year old self spinning around in glee in your chest. Alexia smiling up at you from her chair at the joy in your voice.

“Of course! I would be honored, it’s especially about how to survive in an Avalanche situation. Obviously, with what happened in Nepal…you are an expert in that fie…”

At that point, Alexia stopped her polite silence she had been maintaining whilst you had your moment with your childhood hero. And abruptly stood, clutching your hand hard in both of hers, stern look on her face.

“No.”

From the look on his face you gathered that this successful upper-middle class white English man had not been told no too often, and a beat of silence followed which Alexia was more than happy to fill.

“Sorry Señor Oso. She doesn’t do snow now. Thank you for the offer though.”

She said it with such finality that even you didn’t think to question it. Her mis-translation brought a smile to your face. Her hands still encompassed yours, her eyes didn’t leave his face. As though daring him to rebuff her.

He looked at you as though to confirm she could answer for you. Of course she could. But you knew this refusal wasn’t just about you, but about her also. You knew the anxiety it would cause her for you to put yourself in that situation wasn’t worth anything on this planet.

Nevermind the trauma it would dredge up for you. So obviously, you agreed.

“Sorry Mr Grylls. Not my rodeo anymore. I’ve got some contacts though who you could work with” you politely confirmed your refusal and felt Alexias hands lessen their grip on yours in relief.

“No, no, of course. Sorry. But no. I would really love for you to be involved in the series. We have an episode about promoting women in outdoor pursuits. It's still on the drawing board, but if you are interested I’ll get our people to liaise with each other!”

“That sounds amazing but… I don’t have any people for you to…”

“Don’t be silly Mi Amor” Alexia interrupts again, hand still in yours and the other expertly reaching into her clutch and pushing a card into his outstretched hand… “We have people. Please, Oso, be in touch.”

Smiling vaguely and confusedly at your wife, still clearly mildly terrified of her, he takes the card as he's dragged away by his handler. He's probably still in hearing distance as you squeal in glee and throw yourself into your wife's arms, making her spin with the momentum.

“Ale, Ale, Ale!!! Do you know who that was….” you exclaim.

She can’t help but laugh aloud at your antics, soft look on her face as she lifts you lightly off the ground to stop your spin.

“Si Mi Amor, ese era el hombre oso de la televisión. Tu favorito.” she replies with a smile on her face, speaking softly, somehow, in the middle of this event where she was the guest star, making you feel as though you were the only person in the universe.

“No.” you corrected “..eres mi favorito.” You sealed your words with a light kiss to her lips, chaste but warm.

“Ah, Si. And you have had some wine. You always get soft after wine.” she lightly rolls her eyes with affection at your gushing over her.

It’s your turn to roll your eyes as you pull her into a soft sway, your childhood hero quickly forgotten now you’re in the company of your wife.

Though the giddiness in your bones from your encounter remains.

“Si the wine.” you agree moving your lips close to her ear as you whisper, breath dancing against her cheek, your hand moves to her chest and you feel her breath falter at your closeness,

“but also your boobs.” and you quickly poke her exposed chest between her breasts before she can stop you, and you move away from her pulling her behind you as you rush off to the bar.

“Amor!” she cackles.

“Vamos Ale! A La Barra!”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Estoy Muerta.”

You grumble in complaint into the chest of the warm and moving pillow that you had clearly settled on in the night.

“Shh Ale.”

“Me estoy muriendo y a mi esposa no le importa.”

“You are not dying Ale. You are hungover and over 30”, you mumble in reply, moving away from resting on her chest, the heat becoming too much for your own fuzzy brain.

“Explain to me how that is different.” she doesn’t take kindly to your light chuckle in reply, as you move your hand to cover your eyes from the sunlight starting to bleed through the curtains.

You peek an eye open and see the remnants of your previous night strewn across the bedroom floor.

You take in the glorious dress of your wifes thrown across your chest of drawers. You recall unzipping it with your mouth after making very good use of the boob portal. Much to Alexia's delight.

You had probably taken it a little bit too far at the bar. Your giddiness let your binge-drinking brit out a little too much.

You had a flash of memory at dancing on a table at a dive bar in the town centre, before being brought down by Alba who you had called and demanded come and dance the night away.

Meanwhile Alexia had been in the corner trying to drunkenly explain to Mapi a set of complicated tactics that they should try out at an additional training session in the morning.

“I thought you had scheduled extra training today Ale” you teased after taking in her pasty complexion as you rolled over and settled back down onto your, cooler, side of the bed.

“I hate you.” she replied, quite seriously, as she moulded herself against your back, taking your hand in hers and burying her face into the back of your neck.

“Of course you do, dear, it feels like it.” you tease again, wiggling yourself and making her grumble again.

You rest there for a few moments, before you’re dragged onto your back again and pulled into Alexia's embrace as she moves you around like her own personal teddy bear.

You go with the flow, quite used to your wife's clingy nature, especially when she didn't feel well.

But your silence doesn’t last two minutes before she rolls you over again, now onto your back, “Oh bloody hell, where are we going now.” you mumble, as she rests her head on your chest this time, nuzzling into your breasts.

“me estoy poniendo cómodo.” she mutters into your bosom, “allá. ahora estoy cómodo”. You run your hands through her hair, smiling down at your wife who is practically purring at the attention.

“Bebé…”, you make a noise of affirmation.

“Will you…” you know what she wants, and you know she must be feeling bad if she’s asking for attention.

“Si, my love. voy a trenzar tu cabello. One big plait or lots of little ones?”. 

“The tingly ones por favor” she mumbles into your chest. Your heart expands at her adorableness, never quite learning the English for ‘french plait’ they became known as the ‘tingly ones’ in your household, because of the feeling she would get as you plaited her wet hair after a game, hands working through her scalp. 

It brings a smile to your face and you can see the lovesick smile on hers where it is squished against your chest.

You start to section out her hair as she lies still, your ministrations slowly putting her to sleep, working methodically in the quiet morning.

Moving strand over strand in intricate braids, lightly tugging her scalp and undoing when it's not perfect and redoing, giving her an extra scratch to the soft skin behind her ear when you get there, knowing it's her most sensitive spot. Receiving a sleepy purr in satisfaction as your reward.

You hear the animals from the national park outside, feel the sun starting to warm the room around you. Her chest rising and falling against yours hypnotising you further into the moment. You’ve got grand plans, brunch and a walk along the beach in your mind, maybe a lazy afternoon swim, hold on no. Maybe a lazy afternoon skinny dip. Yeah.

That sounds good.

You’ve almost finished tying off the last plait when you are startled back into the moment by the buzzing of your wifes phone on the bedslide table.

You fight back a smile at the groan that is emitted from your fully grown-pro-athlete-wife.  It resembled that of a teenager who’d been asked to clean their room or no dessert. When she doesn’t go to make a move you nudge her shoulder.

“Ale. Ale, your phone."

“No.”

“Yes."

“No."

“C'mon Ale.” you reach across and pick the phone up. “It could be important. It could be your secret wife wondering where you are.”

She rolls off you at your tease, throwing you a glare that resembles more of an angry kitten than anything, “It could not be, she knows where I am. I snuck out whilst you were dancing on the tables in that last bar to make plans for dinner.”

“Ah, Si of course. My mistake.”

She surges up and gives you a completely unnecessary chaste kiss, as though even the joke is too much and she has to confirm she’s kidding. The phone has stopped vibrating against the bedside table and the silence that settles over you both is welcome.

“How are you so okay? I feel like I have been run over by a truck.” she states as she rubs her face, finally sitting up to start the day.

“You are old.

“I am 2 months older than you.”

“Two, very long, months my darling.” you tap her cheek lightly as you move to get out of bed, throwing on one of her oversized t-shirts you find on the floor.

“Seria, how?” she asks again, now sprawling across the space you have vacated.

“I am English. I once did a vodka shot through my eyeball in the park. I was 14.” you state, plainley, eyebrow raised in challenge as she just looks at you, open mouthed.

“Ojalá no hubiera preguntado.” she mutters, as her phone starts to ring again.

“Ale, phone.” you say, just to annoy her.

“¡lo sé!” you hear thrown at you, as you head downstairs to set some food out for Billy-the-Goat, and make a coffee for your dying wife.

Soon after, you feel her presence behind you as you stir her coffee, turning as you feel her hands wrap around your waist and presenting her coffee and she takes it from you as though it's a ballon d’or. She takes a sip before she presses a kiss to your head.

“That was my agent.”

Your heart drops, and you can’t help the petulant whine that leaves your lips.

“No, Ale! I wanted to spend the day together. Try that new brunch place Alba told us about. Have a swim, just be together. Whatever brand needs you can wait. Tell them no, please” you finish your little monologue with a pout, and you feel a childish frustration rise as a laugh teases against her lips.  You don’t get very far when a kiss is pressed against your lips.

“Well that sounds like the perfect hangover cure Mi Amor. Do you not want me to tell you what it is before I tell them no though?” there's something in her taunt, a glint in the eye that makes you think twice as your mouth already wraps around the refusal.

You take a moment too long apparently, and she takes things into her own hands as she clutches her coffee happily and spins around, “I’ll tell them no! Don’t worry Mi Amor…” teasing lilt in her tone. Whatever the news is, it has pulled her from her hangover.

You wait a beat

Another.

“Fine, What is it!” you groan out in defeat, hands raised to the sky, Alexias t-shirt riding high on your thighs as you raise your arms.

Your wife turns and is distracted momentarily by the flesh on display. Before you cough and she remembers what she's supposed to be doing. Coy smile on her face returning.

“That was my agent…” you huff out at her drawing out the anticipation. “Or should I say our agent.” your brow furrows in confusion as she continues… “she has been contacted by a muy interesado oso.”

Realisation starts to dawn on you, memories of the previous night flashing in your mind and you can’t help the grin that forms.

“Si, Mi Amor. It turns out he really meant it. She said they were willing to offer anything to get you on. She’s getting the details now and will contact us again after our day together today to see if you are interested”.

“I am interested!” you exclaim with glee, Alexia throwing her head back in laughter.

“I know Amor, but let's let them sell it to you. You need the details. Though… I am sure it is no more dangerous than ojos de vodka.”

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hola, love!” you shout into your empty hallway, hands full of groceries, you shuck off your trainers, hearing them thump against the wall as you struggle into the kitchen.

Tonight was the premiere of “Man Vs Woman” , the special episode of your and Bear's adventure. After the offer was made you met with the TV production company via Zoom to go through ideas.

You pretended you didn’t know Alexia was standing just outside the door to your study, listening and clearly deciding if she thought it was too dangerous or not. At least that's what you deduced from her interrupting with a cup of tea every time a particularly hairy idea was mentioned.  

When you brought this up with her you pretended you didn't see her blush creeping up from her neck. Because you’re her wife and it was the wifely thing to do.

The concept was a really cool one. You were excited from the start. The idea was that you and Bear would both be dropped in an inhospitable environment with a map and a knife and nothing else. Neither of you would be told what type of environment but you had assurances in your contract that it wouldn’t involve snow. You had 28 days to get to the muster point. Whoever got there first won.

Simple.

Convincing Alexia it was really cool. Less simple.

“Amor what if there are animals!”

“I know how to avoid dangerous animals. And there will be a medical team on standby,”

“What if you fall and cut yourself on your knife."

“What if you get tackled and break your leg?”

“That's different. What if you lose your map and can’t find your way out and you have to live out there forever”

“I will always find my way back to you.”

“What If-”

“Ale.”

You stopped her rambling with a kiss and when you pulled away you looked deeply in her eyes.

“Que pasa I miss you too much?” eyes wide and vulnerable.

There we go. Her real source of anxiety.

You had spent more time apart than most couples but since you scaled down your travels you had fallen into a sweet domesticity you could admit was a struggle to pull yourself from. 28 days plus the week before to get to the location is longer than you’d like. But it was an adventure of a lifetime. Maybe… maybe your last adventure? The thoughts had been creeping in more and more recently.

Of early mornings chasing more than sunrises, maybe rising due to a baby's babble instead?

You’d made sure that Alexia really knew how much you’d miss her the night before you flew out. On reflection maybe you should have rested your muscles a little more before such a physically demanding month but. Be serious. Look who your wife was. 

You are not God's strongest soldier.

So, off you had gone. Competing against your childhood hero for all of womanhood. And you couldn’t lie. You loved it.

Being blindfolded and dropped in an unknown location was exhilarating. Learning the land as you went, with only a map and a knife in hand it was one of the biggest challenges of your life.

The team had made good on their promise and the tropical rainforest you were in couldn’t be further from a snowy mountain range.

You’d refused to let anything slip to Alexia in the 3 months you’d been back. Lips tightly sealed no matter what she tried. You wanted her to be surprised and watch it in real time with you. In all the games you'd attended since you had to deal with an injured Mapi yapping your ear off whilst you tried to concentrate on the game, probing for hints about if you won, what you won, where you were, if you wrestled a snake, how big was the snake you’d wrestled.

“Maria stop with the snake!” you’d finally snapped during the tense quarter final of the Queen's cup.

Which had worked.

For all of two seconds.

“What did the snake taste like?”

You’d originally planned to go home to England with Alexia to watch the premier with your family. But then a schedule mess-up in the league had meant that Ale had to play in a rescheduled game the day after the premier. It just didn’t work for her to come to England.

She insisted you still go, but you refused. You wanted to watch her game. And you knew she’d need you when the show was on. Even if she didn’t know that yet.

You started to unpack your groceries mindlessly, you’d picked some great snacks for the evenings viewing, you suddenly were hit with how suspiciously peaceful your house was, though, you were sure you’d seen Alexia's car in the drive.

“Ale! Love!, ¡Estoy en casa! Come help me unpack!” You shouted into your empty kitchen, back turned to your living room, you had a few hours before the show was on air, “I got that ice-cream you like! I know it gives you a tummy ache sometimes but don’t worry, I'll rub your tummy how you like afte…”

“Amor!”

You turned around at the panic in her voice, “Wha–”

“SURPRISE!”

Ale stood in your living area, face reddening, surrounded by her closest Barca teammates as well as Mario, his ever pregnant wife and his kids, your mum and brother as well as Eli and Alba. Everyone comically in paper party hats and some lop-sided bunting was up above your couch,

“HOPE YOU BEAT THE BEAR SNAKE!” it read, and you immediately knew who was on the decoration committee.

You jumped in surprise, dropping the ice cream and immediately ran into your mum's open arms, “Mum! You’re here!” you squealed into her neck, hiding the tears that had appeared in her presence.

“I am, love. Alexia literally wouldn’t let us refuse the flight. She pretended she didn’t understand English when we tried to at least pay for it. And you know I have a 265 day streak on duolingo but my accent must need work because she didn’t understand my Spanish.”

You pulled yourself from her neck with a wet laugh and transferred yourself into your wifes open and familiar strong arms. “Aleeee” you whined. She knew you meant thank you. And I love you. And you mean the world to me. But you were too British to do that infront of people.

“You need to stop pretending you don’t speak English when you don’t like what you hear.” you muttered without malice after placing a kiss below her ear.

“I know amor. I love you too. And your family needed to be here for your big moment! You couldn’t miss this with them because of me. And then also. Mapi happened and now we’re having a viewing party! There's a cake!”

“And Ice Cream Ale! Don’t worry, I’ve saved it! Though we don’t want your barriga to hu-” Mapi stands the space you'd just vacated holding up the abandoned and slightly battered carton of ice cream. She's stopped from her gleeful teasing by Ingrid covering her entire face with one big palm.

“We wanted to be here to support you.” Ingrid interrupted her girlfriend, addressing you kindly.

“We all did!” you hear from Alba in the back, already tucking into the buffet set up on the coffee table, paper hat skew-whiff on her head. You have never felt so loved. It was perfect.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, when are you going to tell her you’re ready for them?”

You are brought out of your daydream by Ingrid sidling up to you and addressing you with her familiar soft lilt.

“Huh?”

She doesn’t reply vocally, just nods her head towards your wife, who is currently having a very intense game of 2v2 in your garden with 2 of Marios youngest and Mapi.

The kids little legs making them toddle around after the small ball adorably, Mapi and Ale giving soft touches they would easily catch up with.

You can’t help but laugh out loud as Ale takes Mapi by surprise and takes a shot against her hard, the ball catching her bare thigh in a manner which must have left a sting much to the small Spaniard's disdain.

Her and the two kids start to chase Alexia around the garden, dramatically tackling her as she suddenly becomes some sort of football monster, rolling around and blowing raspberries on their stomachs as Mapi cheers her toddler army on from the sidelines.

You feel another knock against your arm, dislodging your hand which is supporting your head as you lean over the breakfast bar facing the garden. Lovesick looks clearly on your face, going off Ingrid's coy smile.

“You know, barn. Kids. Munchkins…”

“Yeah, Yeah I get it Ingrid…” you steal another look outside at your more-often-than-not-stern wife getting grass stains on her comfy shorts for the entertainment of your best friends' kids, suddenly you feel like being really really honest. You turn to Ingrid with a shy smile of your own, “soon.”

Her face lights up, teeth on display unable to disguise her smile. “Yeah?” she asks, before turning to look towards the garden, “Me too.”

You smile to yourself and drop your head onto the dark haired girl's shoulder, you both taking a moment to watch your partners play with the kids. The moment is ruined by your mum mussing up your hair on her way past,

“Come on Love, we need to wrangle these last-minute spaniards, it starts in 10 minutes!”

She had a point to be fair. A very chaotic 8 minutes later you practically push Eli into her seat on the couch after she tries to get another plate full of food for Mario’s wife, “¡Está llena de Eli! ella esta embarazada no tiene hambre!” you cheekily remind her, your wife looking up at you from her place on the floor with tender eyes.

“And you…” you turn your attention towards her as you make your way to your seat, “get up here.” you demand, patting the empty space next to you.

“I’m bueno down here Mi Amor, me and Bruno can watch from down here.” she insists. the 4 year old of Marios nestled on her stomach, her arms wrapped around his sleeping form where he attached himself to her after being forced back inside.

You hesitate for a moment, not watching to make a scene or be too needy in front of all your closest family and friends, but you knew that Ale would need to be within touching distance of you in the next hour. 

You’re about to make your peace with it when Mario glaces your way. You and Mario have worked together for years. Years before you met Ale and the girls.

You’ve battled more than just bears together. Weeks spent isolated in the mountains. And a bond like that means that you can communicate with just a look.

With just that glance he’s up and pulling his toddler into his own burley arms. Bruno remaining in his deep sleep through the change.

“I’ve got el monstruo Ale. Go sit with your wife."

She doesn’t need any more direction, the small interaction is subtle and missed by everyone, except your brother who sends you an exaggerated puppy dog look.

“Fuck off” you throw at him, finger in the air, quickly grabbed by Alexia, “Hey, I thought you wanted me to sit here!” she teases, sending your brother a wink.

“Stop ganging up on me…!” you’re about to protest further before you’re shushed by Mapi, of all people, sitting on the floor between Ingrid's legs who sits on the couch above her. “It's about to start!”

She has a point, a familiar British accent fills the living room, Spanish subtitles appearing on the bottom of the screen for the Spanish contingent. Bear’s voice is as dramatic as ever, long sweeping scenes fill the screen of intense jungle, a crocodile and an action shot of a snake thrown in for good measure.

“Serpiente!” Mapi shouts, pointing at the screen, before Ingrid hushes her and pulls her back against her legs. 

           “We all know by now that humans are masters of the jungle. But the unanswered question remains. Is it the King, or Queen of the Jungle? Find out tonight in Man V Woman.”

The title fills the screen with a dramatic crescendo of music. Your friends and family whooping as though it's the champions league final. Alexia barely contains her excitement next to you. You had been steadfast in your refusal to tell anyone the outcome.

The next shot is a recognisable one, the sound of trees being hacked with a machete accompanies a close up of a muddy puddle set deep in the jungle, until the water is disturbed by a ever-familiar battered boot stomping in the puddle, blaugrana laces pulled tight, as proudly as ever.

This prompts another wild round of jeering from the crowd around you as the camera pans out and reveals your full profile as Alexia places a loving kiss onto your shoulder, “That's my wife!” she shouts, proudly, making you laugh. 

Bear's voice over continues as you pull Alexia's hand into yours, half pulling her on top of you, she gives you a peculiar look, this being more PDA than you would usually allow in front of your English family, but she goes with it, too full of pride to be worried otherwise.

As the voiceover continues, highlights of your career flash across the screen to introduce you to the audience.

Mountains in Peru, Arctic Explorations, Treks across Siberia, all flash across the screen, mixed in with childhood pictures your mum must have supplied painting a picture of your career so far and your expertise in your career.

The music turns more dramatic as you shift uncomfortably, being the only one to realise in the room what's about to happen.

A picture of you smiling with Arjan at the peak of Everest, ice picks raised proudly in the air. You feel Alexia stiffen on your lap, ever so subtly. Stock footage of snow hurling down a mountain as Bear describes the avalanche you got trapped in.

He gives out stats and figures to heighten the drama… “your chance of survival drops 3% every minute you are trapped after the first 15 minutes… being trapped for 2 days… our guest star did the unthinkable…”

The room is bathed in a white light as the screen changes. Camera shaky and audio changing to the shouts and heavy breaths of whoever the body worn camera is strapped too. “Yahām̐, Yahām̐, she is here!”

The camera catches Arjan digging desperately, it's clear now the camera is strapped to a rescuer on the slopes of Everest, the TV production company having access to the footage through a sister company who were filming a documentary about altitude rescue at the time.

It shakes as the man helps dig, grunts of exertion as the spade digs desperately. A flash of colour and your snow suit is revealed, face pressed up against the rock you had found shelter near.

Arjan clears snow from your face desperately and puts his head close to yours, “She’s breathing!” he pulls you up and your hand, satellite phone frozen in place, falls from the side of your ghostly white face as the camera fades out.

The whole segment couldn’t have lasted more than 32 seconds. But it had felt like time had slowed. You could feel from her placement on you that Alexia hadn’t taken a breath. Her eyes remained wide as she stared at the screen.

There was a heaviness in the room around you. 

The voiceover continued, explaining the challenge to the audience but the silence continued. Eli glances at her daughter worriedly, every few seconds.

Just as you thought the tension couldn’t get any more intense… “That's what Alexia looks like when she visits England for Christmas and mum won’t let us put the heating on.” your brother jokes, awkwardly, a crooked smile on his boyish face. 

The room is silent, your mum hiding a smile behind a hand only you notice. He goes to speak again, probably to apologise when-

Alexias' laugh shocks even you, bubbling up from deep within her chest. She closes her eyes, a stray tear escaping at the pressure. Laugh still rumbling deep in her chest, slowly the room joins in, as though they’ve been given permission, and soon your in a choir of laughing spectators, your brother blushing deep red at the attention.

“Thank you” you mouth to him across the room, as you wrap your hands around your wife, whos body still shakes with the odd giggle.

He tips an imaginary hat at you in return.

Because he is an idiot.

The challenge begins, unhelpfully, with you throwing yourself out of a helicopter into the rainforest, “Oh Dios Mio” she mumbles, heard subtly under Mapis, “Cool!”.

You press your lips against her shoulder again and mutter into her skin; “I am here, I am warm, I am Safe.” Like a mantra, you feel her nod and grip your hand tighter.

The thing about being in the environment completely opposite to an avalanche inducing mountain range, was that it was hot. Hot and wet. The camera follows both you and Bear as you struggle through the elements seperatly, deciding when to camp down and preserve energy and when to try to gain more miles.

Bear goes hard, and Mapi looks up at you aghast as you decide to build a shelter and bunker down for seven days straight. The heat zapping any energy you had.

“What are you doing! It's a race!” she exclaims, to which you laugh and zip your mouth closed with your fingers, cocking an eyebrow at her as she eagerly looks back towards the TV like a small child.

You spend two days collecting water and, seemingly, according to Mapi, wasting time cutting palm leaves and collecting bark to make twine. Meanwhile Bear is hacking down trees, making spears out of sticks and rock and throwing himself at seemingly anything that would give him a bit of protein on the move.

You’ve ridden yourself of most of your clothing due to the heat. Smothering yourself in mud from the riverbank you were camped next to, you explain to the camera its sun-cream qualities and how it’s safer than clothing as it also protects you from dehydration. 

All the while you weave and weave and weave your leaves together, quietly, assuredly.

You explain to the camera; “I am a master weaver. My wife likes it when I plait her hair. Alot. She’s cute. Sorry Ale.” you wink at the camera as your wife groans on your lap and  her teammates start to tease her, “Amor! Why!”

“Now. Let's see how this works!”  you grin and pull up a large basket to the camera.

The screen shows you scantily dressed, boots safely on a rock in the background, in the river, moving twigs into position to make a run for the fish to swim directly into your basket.

You explain the contraception, set some bait and say your goodnights to the camera, crossing your fingers for a full basket in the morning.

Cheerful music begins as the camera fades back into your campfire, fish on a stick roasting and cooking heavenly, your muddied but smiling face coming into view.

“Bear can eat his roaches and drink his wee. I’ll be here with my fish buffet!” You joke, under your shelter, camera panning to tens of fish in your basket waiting to be smoked.

The next scene shows Bear explaining the protein benefits and the unusual flavours of a witchetty grub as he struggles against the rainstorm. 

The music begins to ramp up. Graphics on the screen showing both of your progress. Bear has made much more progress than you. But struggling physically. He’s developed a terrible case of trench foot but was still making steady progress with his machete.

You chose to travel up the river. Walking along its bed you are able to make more direct progress, but it’s more energy draining wading through water. You have, however, had a relatively strong diet over the last 3 weeks.

You’re sitting on the river bed, tending to your basket of smoked fish you’re carrying with you for energy when you suddenly remain completely stock still. Dramatic music begins. Your head raises subtly and then out of nowhere.

“Serpentine!”

A snake strikes at you from the shallows, clearly after your basket, or you, or whatever it can get its fangs in. You react quickly, crouching down to your knees, keeping a low centre of gravity to keep your balance as your right hand reaches into the shallows.

You and the snake strike at the same time, and you throw yourself to the side as you bash a jagged rock against its head.

The next scene shows you taking a mouthful of grilled snake; “Tastes like chicken!” you joke at the camera. Before popping a piece of charred snake skin into your mouth.

You feel Alexia shudder in your arms.

"I'm never kissing you again" she lies.

Mapi slowly turns around, mouth agape, gobsmacked look on her face. “Snake!” she whispers, in disbelief. “You beat a snake!” You can’t help but laugh and lean over to turn her head back to the TV.

“Told you you’d find everything out tonta.”

The map on screen shows the last day of the challenge, Bear's voice over explaining distances to the muster points, as well as geographical challenges. The screen swaps quickly between the two of you, running, climbing and swimming to where you both believed the finish line to be.

You were making good progress, as was Bear.

A close up of a Brazilian flag on the edge of a waterfall.

A close up of you throwing yourself into the river.

Bear gripping a cliff edge and heaving himself up. The camera shows the bottom of the flag pole as he pulls himself up. The camera pans up. And the flagpole is bare.

The screen changes to you.

Standing, still relatively scantily clad in your battered boots, your hiking shorts cut down to short-shorts and thin vest muddied and holey, fish blood staining your arms,holding the flag proudly up in one arm.

The room around you erupts. “She did it!” “¡Jefe de la Jungla!!!!” “I always knew!”, “She killed a snake!”. You find yourself at the bottom of a pile of bodies as Alexia's teammates celebrate in the way they know how. Which is apparently to throw themselves at you in a pile up.

“That's my wife!” Alexia chants proudly from within the pile, laughing gleefully, all earlier angst forgotten.

The screen goes blank, and the image shows you and Bear embracing, laughing as the voiceover continues; “... at least this time. It's a Queen of the jungle… or should I say. La Reina de la Jungla.” Bear quips, as Alexia groans, forever hating her nickname, and the screen cuts to black.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s hours later, many more plates of food, celebration toasts and questions from Mapi about the snake later. That you're finally in the quiet of your bedroom in your wife's arms.

Your mum and brother are set up in the spare rooms and you have all got plans to meet up with the Alexias family at the game tomorrow before going out for a meal.

Your head is settled on her chest as she plays on her phone above you, struggling to calm down from the evening's events, and as usual, struggling to sleep before a game.  You play with her wedding ring on her spare hand. Feeling the cool metal beneath against her warm skin.

You feel her swipe furiously through her phone, getting more agitated as time passes, grumbles that are not-quite words emitting from her chest.

“Hey. Love.” you sit up and pull her phone away. “What's the matter?”

“Nothing.” she replies, bottom lip out in a pout, pulling her phone back into her hand.

“It’s not nothing. Tell me.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Alexia.” you sigh, “We aren't doing this.. What's got you so…” you look down onto her phone and see. Yourself? It's her tiktok open and you see an edit of the show being played over… “Hot Stuff? Ale. What's this?” you glance at the comments section and see a selection from seemingly anon accounts;  

‘I have never understood Alexia more’, ‘I wonder who calls who capi.’ ,‘Capi, your wife's thighs are bigger than yours’.

“Nothing!” she grabs her phone back from your grip… you arch an eyebrow at her which crumbles her resolve in 3…2…

“Fine! It's all over my TikTok.  The comments about you. The fans have made these edits. Of you! All, wet and… muscley and… nearly undressed.”

“And you…don’t… like me wet, and muscled and… naked? Cause, love, I have evidenced otherwis…”

“Shut up! Of course I do but you're mine!”

Oh. Realisation dawns on you and you can’t help but smile.

“Don’t laugh!” she grumbles. “You’re jealous….” you tease in a sing-song voice. “I am not jealous!” she insists, “It's just… tu eres mio! And these people are all looking at you”.

“I am,” you agree, with a smile. “But, love. Try being married to Alexia Putellas. Maybe you’ll keep your shirt on at games now.” you tease, making her smile and roll her eyes.

Eyes softening as you pull her phone from her grip and plug it in for her. Settling back into her chest, nuzzling against the warm skin you find there.

“I am so proud of you.” she whispers into the now dark room, placing a kiss on your head. The moment became more serious and tender.

“I love you” you reply, softly, the moment feels weighted, and you’re not sure what makes you do it. Maybe it's the adrenaline of the evening, having completed your life's ambition, or maybe it's the wine you drank.

Though, really, you know it's because of the images of your lanky wife curling herself onto the rug in the living room because Bruno had decided she was the world's best pillow again. But you can’t stop yourself.

“Ale. I want to have kids with you.”

Her hand stops its movement in your hair and she rushes over to turn the bedside lamp back on.

“Que?” she breathes out. Hands finding their place softly on your cheeks, a look of urgency in her eyes.

“I want us to have kids. Me and you. I want that with you. Is that something you’re ready for?” you whisper, eyes looking deeply into hers.

“En serio?” she asks, as though she's afraid of the answer.

You nod in response. Moving your hand to wipe away the tears that have appeared on her cheeks.

“Sí, Mi Amor. Quiero eso contigo. Mucho.”

You're both smiling too much to kiss, but you make a good go of it anyway. And as you bury yourself into your wife's arms. Hands roaming and adrenaline of a decision made rushing through your body you can't help but think.

This is the beginning of the biggest adventure of your life. 

[dckweed]

ROSIE!, alpha!simon riley x omega reader

in which captain price sends alpha simon on a much needed vacation to his secluded countryside cabin, but leaves out a most important detail- he has a live in omega caretaker to care for his little cabin when he’s away! and she’s the prettiest, sweetest little thing that simon ever did see..

warnings: alpha/omega universe, mentions/depictions of abuse, smut, pregnancy, kind of forced proximity?, ill add as i go...please note that i know NOTHING about COD but i am in love with the 141 guys and this has been rotting in my brain.

this one was kind of short, but heres part two! smut and rosie lore to come soon!

series masterlist here

part two: you ought’a wear sunscreen, lovie

Simon lay in the large cold bed of the guest room he had been provided about a week after his arrival to the cabin, wide awake. The sun was just starting to come up and he hadn’t yet slept, hadn’t even tried. How could he when you were in the room next to him snuggled up into your mound of blankets on the bed? He cursed John out when he had called him after his arrival. How had he left you out of the details when he’d coaxed him into coming to the cabin? ‘Forgoht ‘bout her, pretty little one, ain’t she?’ He had chuckled into the other end of the phone. ‘S’only for a couple o’months, LT, s’long as you’re nice to ‘er she’ll keep your belly full and your clothes clean.’ He hung up after that, and hadn’t picked up any of Simon’s calls or answered a message since.  

Forgot about her, Simon scoffed just thinking about it. He didn’t believe it for a second. How could Price possibly forget about the shy, beautifully curvy, unmated, impossibly adorable Omega he paid to be a live-in housekeeper for the cabin he conveniently sent his unmated, typically uncontrollable problem Alpha to vacation in? He smelled matchmaking all over it and he hated it. 

‘But it’s working.’ Simon grunted, rolling onto his side in hopes that his inner monologue would get the memo to shut up. ‘It’s working and you know it’ And goddess, he did. It was working. She was beautiful, and so deliciously plump and he wanted to kick himself for being an ass when he first spoke to her. He wanted to kick himself for wanting nothing more than to mark her, rub his scent all over her, keep her barefoot and fat and round with his pups. He wanted to kick himself for the way he felt his cock grow hard at just the thought of putting his pups in her. He was better than that, wasn’t he? 

He wanted to kick himself for the way that he already felt protective over her, as if he had already mated and impregnated her. As if they were already married. He felt himself wanting to be no more than an arms length away from her and he barely spoke to her. She dropped a knife while she was loading the dishwasher after supper the night before and he could have cried when he heard her mumble and ‘ow’ and bend down to rub her foot. ‘Should’ve been me, should’ve been me, should’ve been me’ He had heard his wolf chant over and over in his head and he had to really work to remember that he was an extremely disciplined man because without barely a thought he almost launched himself over the kitchen island to make sure you were okay. His fist clenched at just the memory of it. 

He could’ve cried when he heard your soft moan filter through the thin walls of the cabin, you were waking up and he would be subject to another day of breathing in your scent, of wanting to protect and hold you and not being able to.. ‘And why aren’t we able to? What’s stopping you?!” That voice again. That stupid stupid wolf trying to take over his rational sided mind. 

What was stopping him?

Nothing physically, he presumed. Aside from himself…it was always himself. The memories of watching his Alpha father and how he treated his Omega mother..of not feeling like a good enough Alpha himself because he couldn’t always protect her. Couldn’t always stop him..how could he possibly be good enough to protect this sweet little thing that was being dangled in front of him? You didn’t deserve inadequacy. He doesn’t deserve you. You want to bury your ugly mug between her legs..she made you a fucking pot roast and homemade desserts and you don’t deserve her? He’d never wanted to shut the wolf up more. 

You moved as quietly as you could, not wanting to disturb Simon in the room next door as you shuffled through the room, gathering fresh panties and a pretty little sundress for the day before making your way to the bathroom across the hall. The shower head spits out hot water almost immediately and you sigh, dropping your overly large sleep shirt to the floor as you step in, moaning as the steamy water rolls over your tense shoulders. You hadn’t been sleeping very well, images of your Papa floating behind your eyelids every time you closed them, causing you to toss and turn or wake up in a fright if you had managed to even fall asleep. 

You hum as you wet your head, massaging shampoo into it as you try to scrub the images and dreams from your mind, leaving you in a better mood by the time you’re done. 

By the time you step out it had been nearly an hour since you’d stepped in, your skin exfoliated and smooth, shining even. Your hair washed and conditioned, soft and silky and wrapped in a towel above your head where it would stay until you were ready to blow dry it in your bedroom, sat in front of your vanity. You take the time to lather your body in lotion, a cozy smelling one that moisturized your already smooth and shining skin before you slipped into your panties and tightened the little corset on the back of your sundress. 

It was a white number, with little roses on it that fell to just above your ankles and showed off plenty of cleavage. The skin of your chest was already red from the sun the other day when you were out in the garden, tending to the vegetables while Simon lounged in the living room (though unbeknownst to you he had spent the whole time watching your every move out of the window next to the plush armchair he had taken post in, waiting for something to happen so he could jump to your rescue), you had forgotten your sunblock again and the hat you wore atop your head did nothing to help protect your delicate skin from the blistering rays of the summer sun. 

A part of you wondered what Simon would think of the dress, and as you thought it your cheeks flushed, making you hurry across the hall back to your room to finish getting ready before he caught you, you could hear him rumbling around the other guest room, you were sure he’d be wanting the bathroom any moment now. 

Another hour passes before you decide that you’re ready to leave the sanctuary of your room, hair braided and tied with a cream colored ribbon, glasses on your face instead of your normal contacts (your eyes were bugging you, your head pounding - which in hindsight probably was a warning that your heat was coming) and a bit of makeup splattered across your face, presentable to the public..to Simon..

He’s already in the kitchen when you hit the stairs, you can smell the coffee starting to brew and hear the clumsy sound of him tinkering around in there, muttering to himself, though what he’s muttering about you’re unsure, not able to make out the words exactly. “Simon?” You question, stepping down off of the final stair, headed for the coat rack to grab your purse and your big sunhat. 

“Ye-” He choked on his own words and you turned to see if maybe he had burned himself with the coffee, not expecting to find him staring at you, wide eyed under his mask. You cock your head to the side, concerned, purse dangling from your hands as you make to step towards him. “You..uh..” He he clears his throat, closes his eyes for a second before looking at you again. “You look..pretty..” He says, and almost as soon as the words leave his mouth you feel your cheeks begin to heat, averting your eyes as you fidget with your skirt. “Did you need somethin’, Lovie?” 

It’s your turn to stutter and choke now, and you do, opening and closing your mouth a couple of times before you remember what you had begun to say in the first place. “I was just going to see if you wanted to go into town with me?” He thinks we’re pretty! He thinks we’re pretty! Your wolf howls in your already aching head, causing you to wince just the littlest of bits. “I need to grab a few things from the market..thought maybe you might want to get out..” When he doesn’t respond right away you panic, and word vomit starts to come out, not even realizing you’ve cut him off from speaking. “I mean of course, only if you want to..it’s stupid of me to assume that you even want to leave, i guess you’re technically on vacation right? How silly to think that you’d want to leave the house..anyway i’ll just be gone a few hours..” 

He’s got his back turned to you by the time you’re finished, fishing for something in a drawer. You dumb ditzy bitch! You’ve ruined it! Ruined! “You outght’a put on some sunscreen, lovie..” He says, turning around with a tube of it in his large hand. Oh! He’s so thoughtful! He’s so sweet! Providing for us like a good alpha! Can we thank him? Can we kiss him? Please, please, please!!! “S’long walk into town, s’awful sunny out..” Before you know it, his large palm is smathering a layer of the thick lotion onto your bare skin, grazing the top of your breasts. Your face is on fire, heat rushing to it, though you can’t look away from him, his brown eyes on yours as he works it in. “There ye’go, can’t have this delicate skin puckering up out there, can we?” His touch is lingering, caressing even, and you open your mouth to say something but before anything can even come out he’s opened the door, sun shining down as he ushers you out, hand going to your lower back as he steps out after you. 

The walk into town was a long one, and while you typically didn’t mind it, it felt even longer with the presence of him by your side. A tall, silent shadow right next to you, and if you stood on the right side of him he did more sun blocking than your hat ever did. You talked enough for the both of you though, and though you were sure you were annoying him with your endless babbling about the things you needed to buy and why, he was kind enough to grunt and throw in the occasional ‘yeah’ or ‘wow’ in where it seemed needed. You didn’t mind, though you were finally slowing down on the word vomit once you neared town, you found yourself instinctually moving closer to his side, wanting nothing more than to just cling on for dear life as townfolk began watching the two of you. 

You were familiar with most of them, you were an usual face having made many trips into the village since you’d been here, but something about the way some of the men stared at you was making your skin crawl. Was it because you were with Simon? Were they jealous? Or were they just being cautious because this was an Alpha they hadn’t seen before? They were used to you coming into town every now and then with John, but mostly by yourself, it was rare to see you with someone else, let alone another man. Your head pounded, and sweat began dripping down your face under the brim of your sunhat. 

Your belly cramped, a low grunt coming from your chest as it did and suddenly, you have a revelation. 

Heat, heat, heat, heat. You pouted, your wolf louder in your mind. No wonder she was reacting this way to him, you thought. It was just because you were due for your heat. You felt silly for not having tracked your cycle or paid attention to the dates well enough to realize it was time. Pups! Oh he could fill us with his litter! I bet his cock is nice and fat, get us nice and full! Your cheeks flushed as you tried to decipher the difference between your thoughts and hers, unsure of who thought what at that moment. 

“Okay there?” He asks, bumping your shoulder with his elbow. 

You look up and he’s already staring at you, eyes drawn tight under that damn mask. How was he not hot? “Just fine.” You smile, looking at him. “I have a few things to grab at the market..it’s just the next street over, can we go there first?”

He follows you silently, if he’s not right next to you, he’s trailing behind and in all honesty his strong, silent presence makes you feel safe and comfortable, at ease. You know you don’t have to watch your surroundings constantly while you’re out, he’s an Alpha, his natural instinct is to protect and he seems to do it just oh so naturally, holding his arm out to stop you when you’re about to cross a busy street, holding your hand gently once he deems it safe enough, ushering you to the part of the sidewalk farthest from the bustling street, his body shielding you if something were to happen..

He opened the doors of the market for you, got you a little buggy and though you insisted on pushing it, he refused, keeping your cute little purse safe in the childs seat once you had set it down. Simon followed along the aisles, watching you pout down at your little list and then stare up at the shelves, your frown deepening when they didn’t have a certain item and you had to settle for an alternative. You didn’t see his fists clenching around the mental handle of the buggy as he watched you, didn’t hear the internal battle he was having with his wolf about leveling the entire store because you were unhappy at their lack of a certain product. 

It was when you were waiting in line for the butcher that he finally spoke again. You just wanted some chicken cutlets, and a couple of good steaks but your body seemingly had other ideas. Your heat was coming strong and fast, evident in the way that you whimper and nearly double over out of nowhere, grabbing Simon’s hand as you grab your lower belly, lips puckered and eyebrow furrowed. 

“Al’righ, Rosie?” He asks softly, worried, looking down at you, his big hand is on the middle of your back, the other on your shoulder as he crouches down slightly, as if to bring himself closer to your level. He’d smelled you since about the time you had first whimpered walking through town, your scent making his mouth water more than it normally did, his wolf trying harder and harder to take control of him, now that you were clearly in pain though, his wolf was whining, crying for him to do something and he couldn’t just ignore it. You nod meekly, trying to suppress a sniffle, to discreetly wipe away the tears welling in your eyes. “No, you’re not.” His voice is gruff, and he cringes as it reaches his own ears. “Wots wrong, lovie?” He asks, gentler this time, quieter. 

You look up at him, lips quivering and eyes watery and his body just wants to sag. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, she’s sad, she’s sad i dont like it! What’s wrong with you? Why are you letting her be sad? Why is she in pain? If he could tell himself to shut up and it actually work, he would have, but dammit the beast was right. Why wasn’t he fixing it? 

“Heat..” 

It was whispered, but it was all he needed. “Okay, lovie, lets get the rest of the groceries and get you home.” Home. Not just his boss’s cabin. Home. A meek nod in response. He tucks you into his side, dropping his big beefy arm around your shoulders, tucking you into his side tightly as he gives a long hard glare to the staring Beta’s and Alpha’s lingering around, even the one behind the meat counter. Your face is buried in his rib cage, just under his armpit as you breathe in his scent to calm yourself down, but also to protect yourself from the stares of the other people. Other unmated omegas, even some of the mated ones staring you down as you burrowed into the side of the giant man, your scent marking the whole store. Why wouldn’t they stare? You were the stupid one who couldn’t keep track of your own cycles. 

Simon does the rest of the shopping for you, slapping your list down onto the meat counter as he glares at the butcher, tells the man to make it snappy. “Need t’get this one ‘ome.” He says, his arm still wrapped tightly around your body, his voice just as tight as his grip as he talks to the grocers. You’re still clinging to his side, now shaking as the pain is coming quicker and quicker, when he makes it to the check out. He’s polite as he can be when you squeeze his hand, pouting at his gruff words and demands to hurry as he unloads the buggy, hands the cashier a wad of cash from his wallet while the bag boy works as fast as he can. 

You can barely fathom the walk back home, can barely stand on your own two feet as the light of day shines down on you when Simon helps you step out onto the street some more. He’s kind enough to think ahead, hails a taxi that the town is just barely big enough to justify having and ushers you in, giving gruff instructions to the driver as he plops down into the seat next to you, grocery bags at your feet as you curl into his side. 

“S’alright, Lovie,” He murmurs into our hair, hand rubbing up and down your bicep soothingly as you whimper again. “Get you home and into a hot bath in no time, okay? Get your nest all built up for you..”

This was going to be a long, long week. 

taglist:

@wise-owl

[strawberry-cowmilk]

dinner date with the brothers (realistic)

-> brothers x mc

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read

content warnings: this is lowkey a shitpost, bad attempts at flirting

a/n: I don't know basic physics so forgive me if not every star can emit light ?? idk also I have no idea if I did something like this before at this point I don't even know what I did and did not already write

-----

Lucifer

your date was probably rescheduled at least 7 times because this man either forgot or arrived way too late the fancy restaurant couldn't give you a table after you missed your reservation (because of work)

hopefully your 30 grimm soup is perfect because he'd get mad at the waiter if the food is 'too cold', he's basically a karen

when he's done eating a meal but you're not he'd just stare at you with no expression on his face and when you're done or notice him he starts a conversation

Mammon

oh he has it all planned out, he's gonna take you to the best restaurant in the devildom and make you madly in love with him

but mammon ends up knocking over a glass of water, falling off of his chair and knocking three waiters down with him like dominoes when trying to flirt with you, it's like he just says your name and chaos unfolds (it's kind of cute)

also mammon wants to pay the bill but he forgot he bought a huge motorcycle the day before so hopefully you brought your card

Leviathan

listen to me, never let this guy plan date night because it will be akuber pizza at 3am in his room (unless you like that I guess) also levi is probably a picky eater so imagine you take him to a fancy place and all he orders is fries

if he likes you enough he will talk about tsl lore the whole time despite mentally swearing not to before the date

sometimes he reads romantic stuff from his phone under the table to you and then proceeds to be embarrassed

Satan

honestly nothing could really go wrong, he arrives on time, he's nice and direct with the waiters, the place has a very nice vibe and his attempts at flirting with you aren't horrible

he's just not the best at starting and keeping conversations alive so maybe there's an awkward silence here and there

the worst thing that could happen is a cat somehow making it into the restaurant and satan climbing over tables to get to it as fast as possible

Asmodeus

he can probably get you into exclusive places, since he's kind of famous

downside to being kind of famous: you might encounter an overly happy fan who isn't rude but just eats your time

asmo doesn't want to be mean and completely ignore his fan but cmon he's literally on a date

he looks at you with the biggest 'help me' eyes so you have to make up some fake emergency so you two can leave

Beelzebub

you know what happens

please book your dinner date 5 weeks in advance and tell them you're bringing beel so the staff can mentally, physically and culinary prepare

but beel is an actual sweetheart to you he lets you eat his curliest curly fries (meanwhile there are waiters crying in the background trying to bring the 100 steaks to your table)

if you tell him you like something he will order 20 more of said dish for you (please give the waiters a huge tip)

Belphegor

he was nervous honestly so he asked to burrow a fancy suit from one of his brothers (even if the date is at akudonald's)

but this man can say the most unhinged stuff with a straight face, followed by a cute compliment

'hey mc you know I wonder if the devildom would notice if I took away the stars one by one until nothing but darkness is left also your eyes look pretty :))'

you know that one song about blinking in morse code to get the waiter's attention? that

[yourmomsgranddad]

— NEW PERSPECTIVE

— PAIRING: Peter Parker x fem!reader

— SUMMARY: What is Peter to do when men in building start turning up missing? Definitely not expect his new neighbor who's super nice.

— WORD COUNT: 1.6k

— WARNINGS: maybe one curse, tony not giving a single fuck, a few mentions of jennifer's, mention of demons, definitely not lore-accurate but who cares

Peter was very wary being in his first apartment by himself. He wasn't used to being alone but he was making it work.

It definitely helped considering you were his neighbor.

You moved in on the same day.

He had been done with putting his stuff away so he decided to help you with yours.

You claimed you didn't need his help; you were trying to learn how to live on your own, you didn't need a strong man doing everything for you.

He liked the flattery, so he left you alone.

But that didn't stop from saying hi to you in the hallways, keeping up conversation while getting your mail. You two were becoming friends.

That was until the first person in your building went missing.

Peter was worried, he never knew the person, of course, but still crime happening right under where he sleeps, it was frightening,

"You are not cut out for New York." Tony replied once Peter recounted the story to him while he was working on his suit.

"I'm not cut out for New York because I'm scared of getting kidnapped?" Peter looked at him perturbed, it was a very normal fear to have.

Tony stopped his work completely, pushed his goggles down and looked at Peter incredulously.

"You're scared? Of getting kidnapped? At your big age? Ok." He snorted before going back to work like it was nothing.

He kind of figured Tony wouldn't treat the situation with any severity, he was Iron-Man for crying out loud. Nothing at this point scared him. Except Pepper.

But just because he thought it wasn't serious, but he was still going to stay on the look-out.

One thing he didn't notice on his look-out: you.

You were missing.

You were no longer there for your morning talks while you got your mail. No longer there when he came back from his classes to ask how it went.

It was like you were gone.

He started to think you moved.

But then you popped back up, out of nowhere. Like you never left.

Returned morning mail talks, the smiles you'd pass him when you were on your way to work.

He had completely forgotten about your hiatus.

It never happened.

Things were finally settling back into normal, kidnapping was the last thing on Peter's mind.

But then it happened again. This time, it was a guy who was way closer to Peter's apartment, next door in fact.

He knew he was Spider-Man, but then stop his timbers from being shivered.

"So you're telling me a second kidnapping has hit your apartment building?" Tony tried to contain his joy at his joke but Peter and Morgan both seemed the opposite of pleased.

"You really think that was a good joke to make? What happened to 'never forget'?" Peter crossed his arms, causing Morgan to do the same even though she knew nothing about what they were talking about.

He just rolled his eyes.

"I don't know why you're not more concerned. I could be kidnapped today or tomorrow!" The boy shook in fear.

"You're Spider-Man and you're scared of a kidnapper?"

He shrugged. Just because he gained these muscles and these reflexes didn't mean he lost all of his fears. Although he felt like he should've.

"Forget about the kidnapper! What about this girl, your neighbor? Asked her out yet?" Tony wasn't looking at him, just focusing on his sandwich he was supposed to eating.

Peter looked down, now he was focusing on his sandwich. He was hungry but mostly because he didn't have an answer.

He never got any further than hallway conversations with you. He never asked for your number. He never asked any personal questions. He wasn't even in the friend-zone; he was nowhere.

To make matters worse, you had disappeared again.

Peter thought it was weird. Maybe you had family gatherings that you had to go to often and they were very frequent. Maybe you got sick a lot.

"Or maybe she's kidnapping your neighbors." MJ joked, looking up from her book to give her friend the crazy eyes.

Lightbulb.

He knew his friend was joking but there was some truth in her words. I mean there was the fact that you disappeared right after every kidnapping. It would make sense.

Just then Ned gasped, dropping his book, causing an overwhelming shush to befall the library they were in. He shuddered.

He rolled his eyes before looking at his friends, going back to what he was going to say. "What if she's a succubus? Like Jennifer?" He whispered harshly.

"Aniston?" Peter tried at the same time MJ questioned, "Love Hewitt?"

"I pissed neither of you said Garner. But no. Jennifer Check from Jennifer's Body. Like how she had to eat men to stay young."

Both MJ and Peter wanted to disprove that theory, Ned sounded absolutely crazy. He was most likely watching scary movies the night before. But something about it sounded real. Like it could be true.

"Ok, so what if you're right? What hasn't she eaten me yet?" Peter wondered, I mean he was the closest.

"Well two reasons. One, she thinks you'll taste nasty. Or two, you're her Needy. She only kills other people so Needy will only get her attention."

Peter didn't think that one to be true. You never once shown interest in him. In fact, the one time he tried to get closer to you, you pushed him away.

Then suddenly, another lightbulb.

He looked to his two friends with a smirk that let them know the next thing he was about to say was going to get them arrested in the near future.

"There's one way to test your theory, Ned."

—

Here they were, sneaking into your apartment holding flashlights, regretting ever leaving the library.

At least MJ was.

Peter noticed nothing out of the ordinary about your apartment. Just the stuff that made it your home.

He found it lovely.

MJ and Ned felt like they were intruding and for sure, committing a crime.

But nothing looked out of place. It looked like a normal apartment, not succubus-like.

Well nothing besides the two yous hanging out in the closet.

"Sorry! I was supposed to be nosey." Ned tried to apologize to the clones but it didn't matter, you both were very much asleep.

"Holy shit!" MJ yelled before Peter jumped forward, putting his hands over her mouth. He was too late although, one of you woke up.

All of three of them couldn't help screaming.

Gasping for air as you hit the ground, as if you were underwater.

Peter jumped out to catch you but it was kind of hard since you were far away.

"Don't worry! I'm not the bad one!" You forced out, your voice hoarse from not talking in a while. You were clutching your chest, hoping to feel your heartbeat.

"How can we believe that?" Ned wondered skeptically as he backed away from you, holding his arms up in the fighting positions.

Abruptly, the other one awoke and lunged at you, pushing to the ground. Her teeth, wild and sharp and animalistic. She barked and hissed like rabid wolf.

"I'm going to eat you whole!" Her voice deep and overbearing, it sounded nothing like you.

"I thought you only ate guys!" You retorted, using the most strength you had to keep her at bay.

"I go both ways."

"Like the movie!" Ned excitedly shouted, looking to his friends as if they were going to share in his joy. As if they weren't in a dangerous situation right now.

A fire-blast shot through your doorway, knocking the clone off of your chest and out cold.

You got off the floor immediately, looking at the damage and catching your breath once more. This is not how you wanted your move to New York to be like at all.

"Dude, there was a demon on your chest." Your eyes shot to your door that was very much open and that very much had Tony Stark in it, holding his repulsor on his hand.

"Oh now you believe me!" Peter shouted, throwing his arms up in anguish.

—

You were now sitting on Peter's couch.

You weren't allowed to be in your apartment while the scientists extracted the body of the demon.

You didn't really have time to be freaked out, it was something that barely happened to you so you had nothing to grieve. It was kind of like you were sleep for 2 seconds.

"You okay?" Peter decided to sit next to you, he didn't want to leave you alone while you were feeling whatever you were feeling.

"Not really but there's nothing really to freak out about. I would say it was a victimless crime but 2 guys lost their lives." He knew he shouldn't chuckle but he couldn't get over the fact that this might have been the first conversation he had with the real you.

"I can't believe this is like the first time I'm talking to you. This whole time I was talking to a literal demon."

"It's not the first time." His eyebrows furrowed. "I talked to you the first day you moved in. I remember complimenting your muscles." You smiled, a real one and not demonic.

"So that was you?"

"Yeah. I thought you were cute but then the demon bitch took me out." Again, felt inappropriate to laugh but you both had to.

"So you're saying there was a chance?" He looked at you curiously, he didn't want to ruin it.

"Still is."

Your hand slowly but surely made it toward his, clutching tightly. He smiled at the sight, he had no more questions, he was sure.

Without warning, Tony popped up in the doorway again, this time without the Iron-Man adornments.

"Congrats, kid." He flicked him a thumbs-up. "Um, if you have another demon grab onto your likeness, well, good luck, Charlie. And with that, he was gone, not another word.

You were gonna ask but you were done with questions for the day. All you really wanted to do was fall asleep in your cute neighbor's arms.

Which you did.

[signanothername]

I’m wondering if you think Killer would try using Color’s soul as an experiment because of Color having like 6 souls stuck inside him and stuff and then the interest of Killers side of wanting to understand more of souls and their codes, maybe using Color as an experiment or something sometimes for funsies, idk, thought it’d be nice to talk about. (maybe with or without permission from Color)

Oooooh nice point

Tho it also raises the question, does Color have a soul left to begin with? Cause he was already on the verge of death before absorbing the 6 souls and basically getting thrown to the void cause of it, at this point he’s technically dead, it’s only the six souls that keep him truly “alive” in a sense, and it’s shown in how if he uses too much power that it’ll basically actually kill him, at least (i honestly don’t remember if his soul was ever truly talked about in canon, so if you guys know do let me know, i definitely need a bit of a refresher and deep dive into Othertale’s lore again)

But that’s a topic for another time that i’m gonna explore hopefully cause the contrast between a technically souless Color who is extremely emotional and feels very deeply and Killer with a soul that isn’t doing its supposed job and not being able to feel anything at all is really fun >:)

So we’re just gonna assume that Color has a soul of his own for the sake of this ask shhzhshhs (not that it would differ the answer I have much)

Ok so i feel like it really just depends on the stage Killer’s in and at which timeline we talking, like are we talking Killer still works under Nightmare or are we talking he was saved and is now with Color?

If he’s still under Nightmare, then i feel like Stage 2 Killer would try to get his hands on it without permission, and while i believe Killer kills anyone he wants the soul of to take their soul to do as he pleases with it, i feel like he’d make the exception for Color to keep him alive if he did get his hands on it, (I think of a stage 2 Killer who’s still under Nightmare as a bit possessive of Color in the sense that Color is an off limits personal matter in his life) which is arguably worse considering Color would have to feel and endure Killer poking at his soul, and we can talk about how dark that can get but i’ll spare you the details

While if we’re talking about stage 2 while he’s now living with Color, he’d still definitely try to get his hands on it, whether with or without Color’s permission is something I feel really depends on Killer, like i can see Killer sometimes trying to get his hands on it without Color’s permission, other times he’d simply ask, cause at that point Killer’s trying to learn how to be better, considering Killer himself had endured the invasive way Nightmare always touches his soul and influences it by his magic, so i think Color’s polite way of actually asking for permission from Killer for his soul would definitely rub off on him

which I’d like to believe Color would most likely refuse to give Killer his soul cause the thought of his soul being experimented on isn’t really comfortable, but I can see Color actually giving Killer the permission to study his soul by simple observation rather than actual experimentation

Stage 1 would absolutely refuse regardless of the timeline, even when curious, cause that’s his best friend y’know?

But regardless, I can see Killer and Color fight over this very reason of Killer’s curiosity for souls, but here’s a very interesting question, can Killer actually get his hands on Color’s soul without his permission? When Color is just a lot stronger than Killer in every aspect?

Killer will simply never win a fight again Color, Color might be hesitant to fight and is generally trying to be careful with his powers, but he still holds the power to crush Killer like he’s nothing, so if anything, Killer will only be able to get his hand on Color’s soul if he outsmarts him >:)

[lesabear]

Thoughts on Veilguard

TLDR: If empty calories were a video game it would be Dragon Age: The Veilguard. The game is a pleasant enough - if generic and unremarkable - action RPG that basically abandons the themes and feel of the previous games, resulting in a bland story that largely avoids dealing with anything that might remotely cause conflict in the party or force the player to consider anything other than surface level good-bad morality.

If this is the direction they're taking DA, then I think I'm done with the franchise. If I wanted a generic, thematically uninteresting, action RPG there are so many other games to play.

Spoilers in my detailed thoughts below

The good:

It looks very nice - I wish I could have spent even more time exploring the world areas.

Very few bugs or technical issues unlike Andromeda (or most new games in general). I had a few minor issues near the end but overall was very impressed.

Manfred and Assan are great secondary companions. If anyone knows where to find a skeleton and/or griffon friend please let me know.

I quite like Emmerich, Davrin and Bellara and romanced the latter two and (Generally) really liked both. Disclaimer: I tend to have different tastes than the majority of DA fandom when it comes to romances. I expected to have mixed feelings on Bellara because of my issues with Bioware and their cutesy awkward naive/inexperienced female characters but I thought they (mostly) got her right.

Some interesting lore stuff, though I quibble with how it was delivered at times. Still was fun to get a lot more info on the Evanuris, Solas, Mythal, the Titans, etc. And there's also some fun lore stuff in the codices, although again I question whether that's the best way to deliver them.

The final mission is a lot of fun and the clear standout quest other than Weisshaupt maybe. Both are a lot of fun and combine multiple story elements with good gameplay for a satisfying experience.

Combat is engaging although it does get repetitive once you "solve" it. I did a lot of grinding to complete content though so that might be my fault.

Solas is very Solas-y in the game and the highlight of the antagonists by far. I wish there had been more of him and I say that as someone who finds the Solas fandom somewhat exhausting at times. He was far more interesting and compelling than the "even-worse" gods and the fact he's a fuck up who keeps making things worse because he's an egotistical fuck-up who thinks he's the only one that can fix things was is both tragic and fun.

Neve-Lucanis and Taash-Harding are both very cute. I actually think they might be my favorite companion romances off the top of my head (Tali-Garrus does absolutely nothing for me, and I don't even romance either character with my Shepard).

The not good

Why is the Inquisitor wearing pajamas.

Bioware can fuck off for making me pop about a zillion blight pimples. It's really not that much fun after the first 1000

Extremely disappointed with how sanitized the narrative is. There's little attention paid to major facets of the DA universe that are directly relevant to the plot (religion, Tevinter slavery, racism toward elves etc.) and you also get stuff like the Crows now being far lighter of an organization than they were previously.

Just as an example - both Davrin and Bellara touch on what it means to have their gods be the villains but they're just topics for conversation and there's no meaningful impact (especially as the bad guys rely on Antaam and Venatori forces - oh and generic mercenaries). The Dalish are just there (or victims of the bad guys) for the most part. I've read comments from Bioware that confirm this but it seemed obvious Bioware wrote themselves into a corner with making Elven gods be the main antagonists, as you then run into the issue of having the elves not only already be a persecuted minority but also be worshipping evil gods - but instead of writing around it they just avoided dealing with it and acted like it's just the Dalish getting a big win by not joining them.

Speaking of enemies, lots of bland dialogue from the non-Solas big bads. And the Venatori/Antaam/mercenaries gave off major "Cerberus in ME3" vibes - nameless, faceless goons thrown at you in waves that got very boring very quickly.

The way a companion gets hardened because of a choice early in the game is mostly meaningless unless you wanted to romance them. People getting mad about that happening are being ridiculous - if anything the game is too afraid (as usual) to have it actual matter beyond them briefly being upset before moving on.

One of the big choices is to decide whether to protect Treviso or Minrathous when both are attacked by dragons, but it happens so early you might lock yourself out of quests without realizing it. Worse, the ensuing mission is incredibly short and boring (basically a couple of packs of generic enemies and then a very brief dragon fight)

Why is the Inqusitor wearing pajamas.

Why can't I be a mean/"bad" Rook? Even the jokey responses feel super tame compared to previous DAs (let alone the borderline assholish purple hawke). Basically you're only allowed to be slightly different variations of a heroic figure.

While the companions are all nice they all top out at "I like them", with none matching the story or emotional peaks of previous Bioware games. Emmerich comes closest (especially if you account for Manfred) but there's just enough meat to him.

Disappointing romances compared to previous Bioware games(especially but not limited to Lucanis.). Not a ton of depth dialogue wise and at times it feels like they put more time into the companion romance than the Rook version (this time I am definitely talking about Lucanis).

Speaking of which, Lucanis was the biggest disappointment of the companions. I didn't want a Zevran clone but you have a hardened assassin possessed by a demon who (if you choose not to save Treviso, which cuts off a lot of his content) just drinks coffee and likes Neve and uh....

Completely forgettable soundtrack which is a major bummer after previous installments. Also, while I didn't have many technical issues, the music not always playing was one of them (although maybe it doesn't really matter given the lack of quality!)

Bad to horrendous incorporation of previous DA story which was also incongruous with the general tone, especially with the handling of the Inquisitor and the treatment of southern Thedas (especially if you get the Emmerich and Harding picnic conversation at an awkward time like I did.)

Lots of disappointing cameos but especially from my Pirate Queen/Wife from DA2. Isabela's hat is indeed very nice but what is that outfit? And I get they didn't want to deal with too complex a world state but man was it a bummer to see her basically reset after everything her and Hawke went through in my main DA2 playthrough.

Why is the Inquisitor wearing pajamas.

What did they do with Harding? Why did she basically get Dagna's story, even if Titan lore is interesting? She's such a nothing character in this game which is such a weird choice given that she's clearly there because they know fans like her.

The "Actually Varric was dead all along" did nothing for me. He barely shows up in game anyway and the weird framing of every appearance and the fact no one other than Rook ever interacts with him gave it away (at least partially)

[acupofteaintheafternoon]

Hi 😊 Can I request headcannons with Edgeworth on his first date please? Thank you and have a nice day!

Miles Edgeworth first date headcannons

ITS MY FIRST TIME DOING A REQUEST SO I'M SORRY IF THIS MIGHT SEEM TOO OOC 😭😭😭😭 YOU'RE WELCOME BTW

Congratulations he invited you on a date so that means he trusts you a lot

It is his first time doing that so shit will be awkward asf

Where does he invite you on your first date? To some luxurious restaurant (Gatewater or anything) of course

And that date will be paid 100% by him no worries

Your man will awkward during the whole date

He tries to not make it obvious that he has a crush on you but it fails successfully some time or another

He stares at you awkwardly while he is dying on the inside

If you accidentally saw him staring at you he'd insantly try to look away while he's dying on the inside

''Nghhrk! You saw nothing!''

Good job you witnessed a rare phenomenon in which he turns the same color as his suit

He doesn’t know what you like to start with, you have to order from the menu yourself or ask him for recommendations

He will probably order wine or tea with some expensive ass food that you’ve only seen in photos but never got the chance to taste (maybe in your good dreams idk)

You have to try and start a conversation with him (even about the weather outside works it doesn’t matter)

strike the conversation about steel samurai and he'd tell you the whole lore instantly

After he invited you to that date (and it surprisingly went well with the social awkward ass man himself) then he will invite you to more dates to different rich restaurants 

Yes he comes in the same outfit as he wears everyday or at least try to change that crusty ass red jacket into a black one but 99,99% it won't happen

(if you’re like me then you’d order the cheapest thing on the menu)

After the date, he calls you a taxi and pays for it because he got the bag and it shows a lot

Now how does he invite you to your first date? Now this shit is complicated asf

First, if you’re a detective/working in the prosecutor’s building he calls you to his office (and scaring you shitless) and ask you out for a date, he tried his best so don’t judge guys

He was mostly dying while asking you on a date and sweating buckets while accompanied with him being embarrased and him trying not to stutter

Or if you’re a lawyer he did the same thing aka ask you out to a date after a trial while still dying

Surprisingly, the first date went smooth so expect to eat luxurious food more often

AND YES HE PAYS FOR EVERYTHING I WILL REPEAT THIS UNTIL THE DAY I DIE

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 4 MATCH 7

Chrom propaganda:

“Chrobin (Chrom x player character) is so many tropes in one oml. You have friends-to-lovers (Chrom and Robin are canonically best friends according to Nintendo), enemies-to-lovers (Robin is heir to the Grimleal cult, the enemy of the Halidom of Ylisse which Chrom is the prince, and later king, of), there's amnesia, time travel, official next-gen AUs, changed dialogue to lore important events in the game if you marry Chrom, and Nintendo keeps teasing us with the ship. Cheery prince who knows when to be serious, very strategically smart but very bad at communicating, a guy that can comfort you when you're down, make a fool of himself when you're not around, and he's just generally a very sweet guy. Also please consider the fact that you get to watch a cutscene of him dying in the prologue and despite the horrors he's just so supportive of the protagonist. Chrom doesn't care about where you came from or who you're related to, he cares for YOU. He gets KILLED by the protag and he reassures them that they did nothing wrong and pleads with them to get out, to a safe place. I lost my soul to Chrom, I physically can't play this game without romancing him.”

“He eats oranges with the peel still on, he's an absolute himbo. Also the writers accidentally made his daughter canonically trans so he definitely supports trans rights. And technically you can only marry him if you play as female Robin but their dynamic is still just as romantic if you play as male Robin (they literally call each other their other half and m!Robin and Chrom have a valentine's day duo unit in the gatcha, and in the anthology manga m!Robin asks Chrom to make polygamy legal so he can also marry Chrom's wife and they can be a family) so most people play the game with the gay mod so they can still marry him as a guy. He's incredibly stupid ("yeah, let's set all our ships on fire then walk through a volcano, you're so smart, Robin" "I know you've had prophetic visions about killing me and our daughter came from the future to warn us it would happen but I'm sure THIS TIME it won't because of the power of our bonds") but also really sweet. In the summer DLC they're fighting on a beach and when he sees Robin get excited over a weird creature they found he immediately forgets about the battle and starts trying to make a bunch of crafts (and failing) and cooking food (and failing again) and writing "Chrom and Robin were here" in the sand so that Robin could have some nice beach memories. I'm obsessed with this man”

Asra propaganda:

“He GIVES AWAY HALF HIS HEART TO REVIVE YOU okay but like. He's the MCs roommate and they were together for a few years before the MC caught a plague and died and he obsesses over a way to bring them back before succeeding by making a deal with a god to trade half his heart for MC and betraying the emperor. And then when MC comes back but without any of their memories, he takes care of them and teaches them how to live all over again and he never asks for anything in return. On all the routes where you don't choose him he's really supportive and helps you out despite your history and overall he's just really nice and supportive of the MC and is their rock no matter what route you go down. Also he has a pet snake named Faust and I love her she's so <33 

Idk I just appreciate him so much”

"He gave you half his HEART!! He would literally go to hell and back for you!! He wants to take you on adventures all around the world—doesn’t matter where, as long as he’s by your side!! AND he’s nonbinary!!!"

[teddybeartoji]

∷ LOSERVILLE'S GUIDELINES & RULES

— THIS BLOG IS 18+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all minors will be blocked on sight. same goes for all ageless or blank blogs.

— this blog is firstly and most importantly a space space for ME. i welcome everybody with open arms but please keep in mind that alongside my writing, i will be posting a lot of selfshipping stuff and i will be talking about personal things.

— i write for GENDER NEUTRAL, MALE and FEM readers.

— i write both SFW and NSFW stuff.

— I AGE CHARACTERS UP. EVERYBODY WILL BE WRITTEN AS 21+!!!!!

— I DON'T TAKE REQUESTS! but i’m always down to listen to your ideas and thrists!!!!

— PLEASE DO NOT RUSH ME. i write when i want to write and what i want to write, please remember that i am just some guy and i do this for fun. i am also very slow with my replies and tend to hold onto asks, please don't take that as anything personal.

— PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ASKING FOR PART 2'S AND SUCH! it sucks the motivation right out of me, a nice little comment and praise is way more appreciated<3

— PLEASE DON'T USE MY INBOX AS A PLACE TO VENT. it's more than okay to tell me about your day but please do not get into anything heavier, i do not feel comfortable with that.

— DARK CONTENT IS VERY WELCOME HERE! that includes yandere, dub and noncon, stepcest/incest, blood, gore, somno etcetc, so if you see anything you don’t like, i suggest you to either block said tag ("cw blank" / "tw blank") or you know… leave :3

— the only BIG NO'S for me are VERY ROUGH/HATE SEX, HEAVY DEGRADATION and IMPACT PLAY (RECEIVING). i have nothing against these and i don't judge anybody who does like these, they simply are not for me.

— in nsfw works, THERE'S RARELY A CERTAIN DYNAMIC SET IN STONE. my readers tend to vary from sub to dom, mostly settling somewhere inbetween those two. the same goes for the characters i write about.

— THIS BLOG IS NOT SPOILER FREE! any newer leaks will be tagged with "blank leaks" and "blank spoilers" though.

— FEEL FREE TO TAG ME IN ANY ART OR ANY WRITINGS YOU THINK I'D LIKE! that includes your own aswell, but just bear in mind that it might take me a minute to get to it.

— IF YOU THINK THERE'S SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT, PLEASE COME AND TELL ME ABOUT IT, SO I CAN HANDLE THE SITUATION MYSELF. please do not harass people on the behalf of my name.

— PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO BE MUTUALS WITH YOU! i follow who i follow.

— PLEASE DON'T SPAM LIKE (over like six posts in a row)! i am very glad that you like it here in loserville, i am just afraid of getting shadowbanned lmao

— DO NOT REPOST, COPY, TRANSLATE OR ALTER MY WORK!

— DO NOT FEED ANY OF MY WRITING TO AI! ai is not welcome here in any shape or form.

DNI: rascists, homophobes, transphobes, zionists, terfs, ableists, misogynists, sexists, pedophiles, xenophobes etc, ppl who hate on dark content and cannot seperate fiction and real life, ghost readers, and ppl who dislike readers with personalities and ppl who like to stir up discourse.

∷ LOSERVILLE'S OFFICIAL ANONS

— 🦉, 🦷, 🃏, 🐭, 🍓, ☀️, 🎭, 🥀, lesbian lover anon, thristy ahh anon, pink anon.

∷ LOSERVILLE'S LEGEND

#mayor of loserville- me talking or whatever

#mickeycore - get to know me through shitposts

#mickey’s magazine - pics hehe:3

#wtf mickey can write - all of my writings

#mickey is daydreaming - headcanons n stuff

#mickey vs gender - me struggling or whatever

#mickey can’t stop thinking - ideas n concepts n lore

#ceo of letterboxd says hello - me talking about movies

#friends!! - answered asks

#working at tumblr dot com - masterlists n such

#loserville's library - masterpieces u should read

#loserville's art gallery - masterpieces u should look at

#interview the mayor - ask games

[sleepygremlin11]

The reactions to Miquella as a character is honestly so telling about the broader souls gaming community. I mostly mean on Reddit because I am like 90% straight cis Reddit guys couldn’t analyze a evil character with any sort of benefit of the doubt. TLDR at the bottom because I’m a hoe who loved to ramble…

I’m not gonna pretend that I have a perfect grasp on Elden ring lore, so if anyone notices anything like crazy wrong with this feel free to let me know. But, from what I have seen on YouTube and Reddit people are desperate to make miquella out to be the most evil mf to ever exist in a video game. In all of the analysis I’ve seen of him as a character. People don’t seem to want to acknowledge that he’s probably mentally stunted from his curse. Like be so for real 10-year-olds are the most evil motherfuckers to ever exist, being stuck like that for hundreds of years, would drive anyone to a little bit of mass genocide. People also don’t want to see that he had majority positive intentions, and if you’re looking at it in a way that acknowledges that he’s probably despite his actual age only thinking with the mental capacity of a young child, the sort of black-and-white morality that he used in his campaign is completely fitting for a kid of that age. I think dudes on Reddit just are all not allowed within 60 feet of school so they’ve never interacted with children before, but I think if I asked my cousins that are that age they would solve a corrupt world they would say they would force everyone to be nice if given the opportunity.

Also, please take a second to consider the situation he was raised in before you make judgments on him just being a completely morally black character. Marika is absolutely insane from what we know of her, and wouldn’t you know it? So much of what Miquella does is similar to his mom. But he also leads with intentions to be better than her and a more positive force broadly. anyone who has played Elden Ring can and should tell you that the setting of the game is absolutely grim dark. Most of the characters you meet want you dead and if they don’t want you dead, they will probably end up dying by the end of the game. Even in the games happiest endings, the end is still bittersweet and nothing is really fixed. particularly because that’s just what the souls like genre goes for in it’s messaging.

I don’t want to make baseless accusations of homophobia to an entire group of people and a fandom that is admittedly accepting for websites that tend to be cesspits of homophobia and transphobia. But I feel like despite They being similar intentions and results Rahni does not get as harsh of a reaction as Miquella does. I firmly believe that this is because he is one of the few queer characters that we see in any soul games. It’s of course not great that the one aspect of queer representation is an incest pairing where one of them is getting molested. But I would still categorize him as a queer character. I think with a het pairing people would be more willing to make the relationship seem less predatory, but because it’s a queer relationship and Miquella is admittedly a bad character, people don’t look at their relationship with any sort of nuance. Radahn and Miquella are not the only examples of incest in Elden ring, and I think it’s also very common for stories based on pantheons to have incest. That sure is weird as hell, not a good thing, and it’s weird as fuck in my opinion. But it’s common in these stories. This could just be me being naïve, but I have never seen such a harsh reaction to a couple in media even when discussing other similarly, toxic and abusive pairings within media.

Idk if anyone’s willing to share their thoughts on this, I am more than happy to talk in the comments, so please let me know what you think 🥺

TLDR: Miquella is an evil but well written character and his actions make sense in the story. Fandom should not regard him as harshly as they do. Especially on sites like YouTube and Reddit, which are adorably dominated by straight cis men. I think part of the reason fandom reguards him so harshly in these communities is because he is a canon queer character. It’s also two in the morning right now when I’m writing this so this probably makes no sense and I’ll delete it tomorrow. 





[storiesoflilies]

school bus love (2)

synopsis: the familiar bubbling buzz of excitement was beginning to make her brain fuzzy, and it was all because of him.

pairing: teen!toji fushiguro x teen!f!reader

warnings: none.

a/n: wake up everyone!!! new lily lore just dropped hehe <3 please don’t think i was cringe! i was 17 and had a big fat crush on a handsome boy hehe. please reblog if you would like to continue to hear about this story xo

part 1 // part 3

her dreams were filled with fluffy clouds painted pink and green, tangerine sunrises, twittering birdsong, and the tang of saltwater as she swam through an ocean of possibilities.

she’d wake up with her toes curling and a silly, giddy smile on her face, kicking her legs as she hugged her pillow, then immediately texting her friends back home that she’d had a dream about the boy again, convinced it was surely meant to be.

her gorgeous boy, whose name was toji fushiguro.

she’d found that by slyly asking well-placed questions to her friends and bus buddy, crossing her fingers behind her back, hoping it wasn’t too obvious what she was trying to do. being the new student was a good cover, feigning innocence, pretending that she only wanted to know who everyone was at school.

“ooh, fushiguro,” her bus buddy said, a finger on her cheek in thought. “yeah, he’s been getting this bus for years. his friend group are a bunch of idiots, but he’s nice. one of the good ones.”

she heard that quite often whenever she asked about toji, that he was one of the ‘good ones’.

“you mean toji? he’s a good one.”

“keeps to himself, but he’s a good guy. never involved in drama”

“yeah, i don’t know how he’s friends with those guys, but if i had to pick, then he’s the good one.”

toji and the rest of the boys continued to sit next to her and her bus buddy in the mornings. they all had their designated spots, which meant he was always sitting across from her. nanami and her knew to leave just a little bit of extra space between them for him to put his feet up, and her brain would go into overdrive every time the tip of his sneakers touched the outside of her thigh.

she’d preen herself extra meticulously in the mornings, overthinking every stray strand of frizz sticking out haphazardly, swiping a touch of mascara through her lashes, and rolling up her skirt just an inch higher up her thighs, hoping once again that her mother wouldn’t notice as she scurried out the door to walk to the bus stop.

“if that skirt gets any shorter, i’ll know it’s a boy you’re after!” her mom shouted out in mock warning, rolling her eyes knowingly.

“see you later!” she’d answered back sheepishly, her heart thumping with anticipation at the prospect of seeing him.

although, despite her best efforts, she had never once caught toji looking at her.

she didn’t exactly know what game she was trying to play. toji would pretty much put his headphones on as soon as he got on the bus, not speaking to anyone really. she couldn’t ask anybody if he had a girlfriend; her intentions would become blatantly obvious if she did. but she didn’t really see any other option. otherwise, her heart would end up crushed and compressed like a soda can.

so one day, after a night of scrolling through his Facebook profile and finding nothing, she sucked in a breath and blurted out, “does fushiguro have a girlfriend?”

her bus buddy stilled, fingers paused in the middle of typing something on her phone, and raised a brow. “ohh, so that’s what all this has been about.”

a flush of heat ran through her. “what do you mean?”

her buddy smirked, tucking her phone into her blazer pocket as her complete attention was captured. “you like him.”

deny, deny, deny.

“psh, do not. was just wondering.”

“sure, babe. that’s why you look all dolled up in the mornings now. thought it was because of gojo, to be honest, but i respect the choice.”

she pursed her lips and said nothing, completely regretting her decision to even ask the question. her bus buddy sighed and gripped both of her shoulders, intensely staring at her as whatever plot was forming in her head brewed.

“right, time to play wing-woman. i’ll get the conversation going and rope you into it when i get the chance, okay?”

“so, does this mean he doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

“not that i know of, unless she doesn’t go to our school.”

the bus pulled up to the stop, and she saw toji’s familar black mop a head above the other students, along with gojo’s hair of white starlight and namami’s signature blonde locks. she gulped nervously and slowly made her way to the back of the bus. her bus buddy was looking over her shoulder, grinning excitedly when the boys finally boarded.

“you ready?” her buddy squealed, bouncing her legs up and down.

she shushed her loudly, glancing warily at the boys approaching them. the younger kids in the middle of the pathway were like buzzy bees flitting about a field of flowers. gojo glanced uninterestedly at them all, patting geto on the back to usher him into his spot. toji huffed as he took his seat, reaching into his pocket and opening up a chocolate bar.

her buddy nudged him, a little roughly, the corner of her lip curling upwards. “sup, fushiguro?”

toji frowned, as if questioning why she was even speaking to him, halfway through biting into his chocolate bar. “what?”

“nothin’, was just wondering how you were. haven’t spoken to ya in ages,” she smiled lopsidedly, leaning her back against the window and facing him more directly.

“yeah, fine,” toji replied slowly, still chewing. “and yourself?”

she tried not to make it obvious that she was listening in to their exchange, so put on her headphones and played her music on a low volume. her buddy continued chattering away to toji, who still looked mildly confused, while nanami surprisingly chimed in every so often as well.

a light kick to her shin snapped her out of her thoughts, and she pulled on her headphone wires to remove them from her ears, looking at her friend expectantly, the tips of her ears warm as her heart pounded.

this could be it.

“hey, we were just talking about plans for the summer. what have you got planned?” she asked, both eyebrows raised.

“oh, i think I’ll be going back home for a while,” she answered, crossing her legs over.

“right, yeah, makes sense,” her friend mused, nodding her head. “i’m sure you miss it.”

it was silent for a beat, and then nanami piped up beside her, “it’s really warm where you’re from, right?”

she giggled softly. “yeah, you could say that. almost never rains.”

“fuck,” toji scoffed, shoving his empty wrapper into his pocket. “sign me up.”

the world stopped for just a second.

it was just him, with his green eyes focused on her, and she felt like the only girl in the world.

she grinned, flashing her teeth, and let out a genuine laugh.

she felt on top of the world.

©storiesoflilies 2024, all rights reserved. please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my work on other sites! i only post on ao3 and tumblr.

[thatringboy]

A Body Built for an Undeserving Soul, A Boothill Theory

My definitely sober thoughts while grinding for the eventual Ruan Mei rerun and writing some robinhill have led me to a startling train of thought. I’ll do my best to sound sane as I say this, but the 18 minute discord voice memo I originally made is definitely anything but. Spoilers for Boothill’s backstory, character stories, and other lore, and no I’m not really gonna be citing things because it’s 3 in the morning and I’m high. If at any point I say something that isn’t really supported by canon, please be nice i’m a little silly boy

Anyways

I don’t think Boothill is a Pathstrider.

Let me cook, please. Here’s my reasons why:

The way he talks about Aeons and Paths

The way his body is designed

And 3.

Enjoy the madness below the cut

So, there’s not really a proper way to word any of this without it being an ADHD word vomit. Bear with me. Please.

Penacony has been a fantastic update for those of us waiting for worldbuilding. We’ve learned a LOT about the many factions in the cosmos, the true nature of the IPC, the powers of the Aeons, and that the Paths are tangible things in the universe. The Luofu arc opened up a bit about this, but since it was so focused on The Hunt and The Abundance and The Permanence, we sort of fell back into the same story beats as the Herta Station arc. Either way, Penacony has been amazing for little lore bugs like me.

So what does this have to do with the wild claim that Boothill somehow isn’t a Pathstrider?

Let’s touch some grass for a minute and consider our places in the irl universe. Hi, I’m Perseus, a young transmasculine white adult guy from South Texas who grew up reading too many Rick Riordan books and now has a complicated relationship with both the christian god and the greek gods. It’s an autism special interest of mine to learn about the greek pantheon and while I don’t know everything about it, I’m a silly little guy and can recite fun facts about dozens of gods. I can also recite fun facts about the christian bible and christian mythology because I was forced to study christianity when I was younger. Nice to meet y’all. Now, when I, Perseus, talk to people about the various religions I know a thing or two about, I infodump. A lot. I think I once ranted about Dionysus for 20 minutes before my sister told me to shut up. It happens.

Now focus back in on the important topic: the fictional cyborg with jiggle physics. I’m working purely on memory, but I’m pretty sure when he first meets Dan Heng and Pom-Pom, he does go on a spiel about the Aeons and Paths as he tries to prove his identity as a Galaxy Ranger and Acheron’s identity as Not a Galaxy Ranger. The way he describes The Hunt, The Nihility, Emanators, and Paths, it all just sounded… i don’t know, canned? It came across as very emotionally disconnected, even as he talked about The Hunt, but he was saying all the right words. Like someone who studied a religion but isn’t actually a part of the religion. 

On its own, this means absolutely nothing besides just reminding us of his home planet’s hostile takeover by Qlipoth-worshiping IPC workers. If you haven’t seen the post yet, I really recommend reading the So, Honkai: Star Rail made a cyborg cowboy... an INDIGENOUS cyborg cowboy. post by @ahworm I’ll link it here, please check it out because it recontextualized a lot of how I viewed Boothill’s actions and mannerisms

So the way Boothill talks about the Path he should be a Pathstrider of sounds more like an encyclopedia than a follower. Now, maybe this can be explained by the fact that Galaxy Rangers aren’t the most zealous bunch, especially when standing next to the Xianzhou Alliance who worship Lan as a deity more than The Hunt itself. The Galaxy rangers are the opposite, they are hunters first and last regardless of what Lan in THEIR “greatness” does.

But if Boothill is just a normal Galaxy ranger (whatever that means), then how does he recognize the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath instantaneously? Dan Heng’s barely put the damn thing on the table and Boothill’s already jaw on the floor amazed. One could make the argument that, well, Boothill’s a well-traveled guy, of course he’d know the most valuable artifact to his Path. To that, I say: there’s more to it.

Boothill’s main accusation against Acheron in the beginning is, what? “An Emanator that shouldn’t exist.” He talks about The Nihility and Device IX the same way he talks about The Hunt; learned and detached in an agnostic way. He’s aware these are real concepts and beings, he’s crossed paths with an Emanator of Elation before so he can’t deny the existence of literal gods in the universe

We also know that it’s canon in the star rail universe that there are planets who haven’t heard of the Aeons before, like Sigonia - Aventurine’s planet. Instead of Aeons, we know the Avgins worshiped the goddess Giathra Triclops. I’ve seen the argument that Giathra is just another name for Xipe since THEY have three faces, but Aventurine’s flashbacks are very clear in showing that the worship of Giathra was very different from the worship of Aeons. We don’t know much about Aeragan-Epharshel, but from how the IPC described the indigenous people as needing civilization and other disgusting things (not to mention how they forced a synesthesia beacon into boothill when he was maybe like a teenager? And then his brain nearly broke from the influx of information?), I think it’s safe to say that the tribes of Aeragan-Epharshel also didn’t follow any specific Aeon.

But Aventurine is now a Pathstrider of Preservation, so why can’t Boothill be a Hunter Pathstrider too? Well, dear reader, allow me to bash my head against the wall trying to form words. Aventurine doesn’t believe anything about the sovereignty of The Preservation, just like the rest of the Stonehearts. He has his agenda, and if he has to play Preservation to do so, then he will. I think Boothill is the same, which is also why I can’t wait to see what happens in the upcoming quests with the two of them in the same room. That being said, Aventurine’s Preservation powers only come from his Cornerstone, crafted by an Emanator of Preservation. It’s how he and Topaz and Jade can all be such different people but all be classified as Pathstriders of Preservation, the sheer proximity to an Emanator’s powers canonically give them powers equivalent to actual Pathstriders.

So… what about Boothil? This leads me into my next point: Boothill’s cyborg body. By looking at his Character Story Part 3, we learn that Boothill VOLUNTARILY became a cyborg to become stronger. He literally shed the skin and name from an ancient, dead tongue to become a real loaded gun. His voice lines in combat talk about death a lot, his name literally is in reference to a graveyard - this man cannot wait to finally die in some sort of blaze of glory and vengeance. I say that with a little bit of sarcasm, but Boothill designed his body to be a weapon. 

In a lot of parts of the USA, it’s illegal to even insinuate that you have a firearm as that constitutes as the crime of  “armed robbery”, even if you don’t even have a gun. The threat alone is enough to warrant a higher penalty. But Boothill is already a great shot with a gun, why does he also need augmented teeth and crosshair eyes and hips that can fold his body into any sinful shape he needs? Because the threat alone is enough to give him power over his prey. Almost as if he’s compensating for a lack of magic godly powers. He needs to be able to keep up with even the strongest IPC goons, to pierce their Preservation shields with his bullets so that he can get closer and closer to Oswaldo Schneider.

But how can I prove that Boothill doesn’t have any Path magic? Well, let’s take a spin around his character model. What’s that thing sitting snugly against his exposed asscheek? His pistol? But that’s not weird, Perseus, most cowboys hold their guns there!

But what other playable character has their weapon on their actual model like him?

There are so many in-game cutscenes showing that, canonically, the Pathstriders summon their weapon from some sort of unseen storage or hammerspace. I like the term hammerspace, let’s use that. The playable Pathstriders all use hammerspace to easily summon their weapons. None of them actually carry their weapons on their model. Even Welt Yang has scenes of him summoning his herrscher cane (I’ve never played hi3 please forgive me for using incorrect terms) from his hammerspace. But not Boothill. He has his arm gun and he has his trusty 9 millimeter pistol on his little slutty hip. His idle animations involve reloading his weapons and putting them back on his person. No particle effects, no vanishing tricks, just a man sticking his tongue out to catch a bullet for a snack.

So what have we learned?

Boothill doesn’t have an emotional connection to his Path, it most likely is just the Path he figured met his needs and decided the philosophy was good enough

Boothill’s body is designed to perform specifically to kill Pathstriders, especially sturdier Pathstriders of The Preservation

Boothill either can’t or won’t use the same hammerspace the other canonical Pathstriders use

Each point by themself means nothing, or can be chalked up to unique character designs. But together? My intoxicated mind theorizes that Boothill is not a Pathstrider, merely a broken man trying to play the game according to the rules of the oppressors that colonized his planet and bombed his tribe into reservations and the dirt. Thank you for your time.

[nottakingresponsibility]

Welcome to the horrors, time to turn right.

"Hello there, I'll be posting out of my own free will, do whatever, don't expect me to be nice to you." [ooc introduction below the cut, triggers, tags, RULES! Cause apparently I have to have those?? etc. Be warned. It is a lot, however, at the very least the rules are required to read. If you don't want to check the tags, this is to minors specifically, block the #responsibilityisforgotten tag.]

OOC here!! Waves. This is pre-crash, by the way! He's already aware of the Jimmyverse. You guys did this. Also the owner of the @tulparsresponsiblenurse blog now, yay? About the mod! I am 18! Mainly go by he/him anyways, so this is fine! I'm not too great at socializing, but anyone is welcome to interact with me or Jimmy, it's always welcome!! Ocs and other fandoms included, of course! I can't guarantee I'll know anything about said fandom, but Jimmy won't know shit either so it works out, right? I do not support Jimmy's actions. I'm gonna make that clear here and now, I just enjoy his writing, and want to explore him as a character. He'll also be mean a lot, that's just how he is I fear. Obviously lots of swearing. Uh. I do that a lot. Hi. Also, JimCurl is the only ship I tolerate with Jimmy in it, and it will show up on this blog. I have a tag for it, don't worry! I know those men are awful for each other, and I would portray it as such. Even through Jimmy's twisted, unreliable perspective. I don't really have much of a DNI, other than the basic criteria. If you have to ask what that is, you probably shouldn't interact with me anyway. I highly encourage other blogs to interact with me!! It's really fun roleplaying and getting to know people. :] Roleplay wise, pretty much anything is on the table as long as everyone involved is having fun. I should let you know this, if I don't respond to you it's nothing personal!! I just genuinely don't know how sometimes :[. Also, I've been kind of inactive as of recent! Please be patient with me. If I may add, I do NOT roll with the 'oh Jimmy is STINKY!! And SMELLS bad and has BAD hygiene!!' insults or whatever. My version of Jimmy has mental health issues, and he struggles with taking care of himself. It's a projection from me, I also struggle with taking care of myself so it kind of annoys me when people antagonize that. Thanks for understanding! Just to make this clear as well cause someone asked before, minors are allowed on this blog, yes, but they need to stay away from anything suggestive, and if it's found out a minor has asked anything weird, they will be blocked for their safety. Triggers and warnings you can expect on this blog. Obviously, the basic Mouthwashing triggers first off, but there's more! Jimmy has backstory and lore, wow. Well, in my version of him anyway. By that I mean, you can expect other things such as: Child abuse, child neglect, abuse in general, just Jimmy being Jimmy, self harm, sui ideation, sui in general, self harm thoughts, derealization, obviously just violence all around, manipulation and such, bugs, s/a themes, emetophobia stuff, eating disorder implications, alcoholic themes, death, murder, body horror, blood, cannibalism, I'm not sure if it's needed yet, but sometimes things do get suggestive, so be warned about that, too. There's a lot of things that happen here that I don't have an exact warning for, things happen in roleplay you can't predict. Just be wary and cautious, I'll try to put a warning before I write anything like that. Most of this is just based on things that may happen to Jimmy in the future. I'll update this if I missed anything!! Stay safe :] RULES. That's it, click that. Also! Anon list! Click that as well, not required this time around though! My tags and what they all mean! General tags!

#responsibilityhateshim: Jimmy answering his asks! #responsibilitytolerateshim: Jimmy answering his asks, to a person that has shown up often, so a regular! #responsiplay: Roleplay threads, or at this point it's just in character reblogs. #responsible[crew member name]: Roleplay thread or in character reblog with a specific member of the Tulpar crew! Or, you know, Polle. #jimmysrunningagain: My ooc tag! When this tag is used, it means I'm talking, not Jimmy! I also use () around my words! #jimbobsresponsibility: The JimCurl tag, things with this have either heavy implications of, or direct JimCurl in them. #responsiblelore: Lore tag! Things important to Jimmy as a character, things that may help you torture him further. #responsibilitytalks: Just a general Jimmy talking about things or doing things tag, when it's not in reply to an ask and it's not a reblog. Often open to roleplays with them if you want, though! #writingresponsibly: Jimmy posts where he's writing in his journal instead of actually speaking! These posts will also have all the journal written text in purple! #responsibilityisforgotten: For suggestive and ...possibly worse! Things, if it ever is needed. So minors, and people uncomfortable with that, please block this tag.

#musicalshenanigans: When people send music links to Jimmy or me! So be free to scroll around if you're looking for music.

#whimsyartjourney: When other people send in art! I just think it's neat. I don't draw, this isn't for me! #takeresponsibility: Post-crash themed nightmares, hallucinations, or otherwise. Figured it was about time I got a tag for that! That was a lot, right? There's more. Specific event tags! Aka, shit happens to Jimmy that can be classified as a special event, here's a tag for it. (psst. You can cause events too, if you play your cards right!) #lostlizardtales: That one time Jimmy lost his pet lizard, Ray! (He remembers this.) #truthpotionhorrors: When Jimmy accidentally drank a 'soda' that turned out to be some sort of truth potion, so he couldn't lie! (Doesn't remember.) #jimmyschildishresponsibility: When Jimmy got turned into his child self for a while. (Barely remembers and just thinks it was a weird dream.) #drinkingresponsibly: Seemingly, without any alcohol at all, he managed to get intoxicated, apparently. He was not very good at talking, he fucking hated it, actually. (Barely remembers, heavy blanks in his memory.) #truthcursethe2nd: Jimmy got cursed to say the truth for 5 asks I fear. A few of them were extras because they were already answered before this event, either directly or indirectly. (He does remember this one.) #jimmytriescursing: That time Jimmy got cursed to be incapable of swearing, instead getting forced to say the most insane bullshopperoonie things. (He remembers this one.) #jimmysofafeather: CURSE OF RA. (Actually just Jimmy becoming weirdly obsessed with birds for 15 asks but that's what inflicted it.) (He remembers this one. Regrettably.) #criticalswap: Jimmy switched roles with Anya for ten asks! In this small time, he was never actually a co-pilot! Anya is, in that case. He was the nurse! Very fun to write I fear. (He doesn't remember this, what a shame.) Person specific tags! Tags for specific characters, (like ocs, mainly) I just think it's fun! #washout: Kaleb Doran/Smokey tag! Aka that one Fallout oc that's Jimmy's frenemy! ...And also has a lot of other insane things going on! (atombombskilledtheradiostar) #lawsuitscalling: Brianne Cohen tag! Aka head of the legal team, being dragged into her job while just barely tolerating anyone she contacts! (exhausted-lawyer) #notholdingliability: Polle? Intern that just gets mistaken for the mascot. A lot! Not responsible for any of the crew's mistakes, of course. (pony-express-official) #wateranon🌊: Water Anon tag! Literally just a sentient ocean that gave Jimmy his lizard, Ray! Jimmy has grown attached without really meaning to. (wateranon) #doubtingresponsibilities: Jimmy's very own voice of self doubt! Or, rather something else. Either way, only in his mind to make his life hell. (broken-bridle) Cause that's who Doubt really is, technically. Woahh. (lots of lore in that tag) #steveman27⛏️: Self explanatory I think. Steveman27 tag, yes the Minecraft character. No you are not mistaken. (steveman27) #crossingtheuniverses: A ship full of certain characters you may or may not be familiar with, but it takes place in the Mouthwashing universe! Applies to every conversation that takes place with anyone part of said universe. (starlight-stables) #responsibleseal: I will probably never use this, but it's fun to mess around with this critter anyways. ( @local-seal ) #commitmentisaresponsibility: Jimmy has a girlfriend holy shit. Well, kind of. I'm not sure if I'd consider it canon to his character, probably not. But either way she's there! Commitment isn't his strong suit, I fear. (stoopidpigeonxx) #gaininghopefulthoughts: Hope! Kind of. Jimmy isn't taking that well. In fact, probably taking it in the worst way possible. He's so used to problems he refuses to have it ever. (Not sure who to credit this for 😭 same mod that made Doubt and broken-bridle though) That's all! Stay safe and have fun interacting! :] Jimmy death counter is at 17 by the way. None of them canon.

[zombeebunnie]

💜Trembling Essence: Spooky month cabin progress🧡

Helloo guys and welcome new followers, we're half way through spooky month so here's an update on how the game is going!

**I'm still fairly busy so future game development posts will be every 1-4 weeks depending on how things go. :[]

Quality of life progress:

I've been doing a lot of brainstorming/organizing the game behind the scenes. I tried my best to simplify certain dialog parts and give a little more depth on how the player(Y/N) feels/reacts from being back in the cabin again.

I talked about this in my last game development post about fixing up the different situations depending on your interactions with Noah before he goes to bed:

At first I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make this work but I'll just have to do one section at a time. It was a very slow start at first but I'm gradually picking up the pace as I go along. *Slight spoilers ahead*(:?): Since there's different ways to approach the cabin and interact afterwards I slightly combined 2 of them together to make the layout/closeness with Noah easier to manage.

Choices that effects Noah's closeness with the player(Y/N):

I didn't mess with this in the [Extended Demo] but there's some choices that are being adjusted. Noah's reactions to some of the player(Y/N)'s decisions now give a neutral response versus an negative one. I'm still going through everything but the process is going nicely so far! :]

There was subtle immersive changes too. It's nothing too serious, just little things that make the cabin feel a little more comfy. :]

If you like what I create, please consider supporting what I do on kofi! All donations and tips help tremendously while I continue to work on the game. Thank you to those that optionally bought the [Extended Demo] and the March 2023 demo on itch.io. :,]

Q&A / Ask box is open:

To know and understand Noah through Asks and random posts about lore, they'll be under #Get to know: Noah ! :]

In good news a few asks that got deleted popped back up again so I'll get to those first since these are all the way back from February. :,]

**Some asks won't be answered if it contains spoilers but I do appreciate what I receive. :,,]

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here or on itch.io please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I enjoy hearing from you guys!

This update was a small one but that's everything I have to share right now. Thank you to everyone for the uplifting support, have a happy spooky month! >:]

[ghostsandfools]

Ghost's one sentence opinions on every tsams/laes character (that I care enough for to have opinions about)

Sun - She deserves so much more.

Moon - Ehhh.....

Nexus - He's a little dumb.

Lunar - I have WAY too many feelings about him.

Earth - I want a hug.... :(

Montgomery - I want to shoot them.

Gemini - I'm so so so so so so so normal about them, I swear, I swear I don't wanna make out with them and cuddle them and play with their hair I swear to GOD-

Nebula - She's so sassy, but also she's so adorable!

Rez - 🥺💞❤️👉👈✨😫🥰😘🫣🤭🫦👀💋🍑🌶️🌹🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🪐

Taurus - I wanna explain all of the FNAF lore to him.

Leo - I want him to be Italian.

Eclipse (the current one, I didn't know much about the other three) - He's fine, I like his dynamic with Earth, I don't have many feelings about him.

Solar - He is me in the show, I genuinely just see myself every time I look at him.

Bloodmoon - I don't like how the show insists he's evil in every dimension, dimensions should theoretically be infinite with an infinite amount of possibilities, and as much as I hate Bloodmoon, it is genuinely impossible for there to not be a nice one SOMEWHERE.

Ruin - He is NOT morally gray, he is a lot less redeemable than everyone makes it seem.

Dark Sun - Genuinely zero feelings towards him whatsoever.

KC - I wish he was my dad :(

Dazzle - They're so adorableeeeeeeeeee

Jack - It reminds me of my cousin, I love its dynamic with Dazzle, it's just adorable.

Puppet - Morally Gray Mommy <3

Foxy - I understand him so much. I don't like all of the choices he's made, but I get it man.

FC - Little guy :D

Solar Flare - ????????

Spaniard - I'm so mad that they just killed it off, it didn't even get its own death episode, they just glossed over it, WHAT THE FUCK.

Goliath - Okay I know he only showed up in like one episode so he could kill Spaniard and then dip, but he gives off serious himbo vibes, imagine if they reprogrammed him to be nice and he just goofed off in the background-

Creator - :(

Trashcan Man - I know nothing about him except for the fact that he's Creator's husband

Molten - I wanna like him, really, I do, but he's just so boring...

Lunara - PLEASE I NEED THEM TO BE A PERMANENT VILLAIN LIKE DARK SUN, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-

World President Earth - I need her to team up with Lunara, I'LL DIE WITHOUT IT!

Lord Eclipse - Kinda fucking ugly tbh

Sven - YES.

That one overworked employee who was at the restaurant Sun and Moon went to and who sold Daisy to Earth - Most. Underrated. TSBS. Character. EVER.

Feel free to reblog with your own opinions on the characters, even if it's characters from one of the other shows, I'm curious what y'all thinkkkk

[ask-frater-imperator]

// now that I'm able to post spoilers, here's my thoughts on rite here rite now a few hours after I saw it.

First: a little context.

I went with my mother, my ghestie and my best friend who knew nothing about ghost besides the ranting she heard from me weekly.

They will probably be seeing this- so I'm not going to expose their accounts or anything.

With that, here were my thoughts:

.

The post credit scene and mummy dust is just

Implanted into my head now

Mummy dust bc me and my friends went batshit crazy hearing and watching it

I LITERALLY PREDICTED KISS THE GO-GOAT

I'm like "oh yeah they better do kiss the go-goat I need to see that live." THEN THE INTRO STARTS

I had my ghestie friend and another of my friend that had no idea of any of the ghost lore

But

WE CONVERTED HER!! /j

I really hope they make a DVD version or something bc i would sell my soul for it

I'm kinda disappointed they didn't use the boxer fit for anything much..

TOBIAS THREW US FOR A LOOP BC WTF

We all saw copia get on the hot air balloon and is like WAIT WAIT FUCK. NO. NO. and then he wakes up

Seeing his mother die

Also if the new guy isn't terzo I

I may just die

Bc

WHO ARE THEY GONNA PULL OUT THEIR ASS AGAIN JUST LIKE

OH YEAH THEY EXIST NOW

NO WONDER TOBIAS SAID NONE OF THE OTHER PAPAS MATTER, MF COPIA IS THE HEAD OF THE MINISTRY NOW-

When the post credit ended everyone in the theater was like please wait, no-

AND ALL YELLED IN ANGER

honestly so funny and ppl were so nice

I don't like I've ever met a rude ghost fan tbh AND I DONT PLAN ON IT!!!

.

And my thoughts after reading it again:

I honestly don't mind if the new papa isn't terzo, Yes, his album is my favorite with many good songs, but if the theory isn't right then oh well

There is a confirmed DVD and digital release. Just no idea when I will be getting the DVD, and I will be passing it down for generations to see/j

Me, my ghestie and my clueless friend were all holding hands for at least 3/4th of the movie, the reason I will remember mummy dust the most is because me and my ghesite went feral.. and my other friend was, well, clueless. TOBIAS LET MARY GOORE THE FUCK OUT. FINALLY!!!

The shirt I wore was literally copia being crucified with a crown of thorns, I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO DIE. but, I am very glad he didn't, I'm honestly stoked because now he does have the power he wanted, and I can totally rp that..

(The shirt I wore)

When mummy dust was done, we were all simping for copia.. (pls dont judge us. We are just little guys../j)

I had to hold back a scream when the mummy dust solo started, I love the ghoulettes..

I was so sad when copia was like: "no, no, no encore." Bc I really wanted to hear kiss the go-goat (it was one of my favorites when I first got into ghost)

THEN RAIN SPOKE. IM SORRY??!?!

Then I said over to my friends something like: "Yeah, i need them to do an encore.. NEED to hear, kiss the go-goat live, or I will sob." And of course, THE INTRO TO KISS THE GO-GOAT STARTED. Me and my friends and I just lit up with joy, trying not to cry from what I had just said and what happened.

I remember Square Hammer and the midair splits. The whole theater gasped at the same time. At that point, I was in tears for the 273673rd time. I saw copia do the pose he was meant to, and cried even more.

He went to the hot-air balloon, and everyone was silent. We all saw him wake up, and then sister on the floor.

I remember my friend (clueless one) commenting about copias dramatic crying over sisters' bodies. "Oh yeah, that guy knows how to act!" Joking in a good way, I laughed through my tears.

I don't remember when, but when Copia talked about taint tickling, she audibly, but quietly gasped and whispered something as I just nodded.

MARY ON A CROSS WAS BEAUTIFUL. THERE IS NO DENYING THE SCOOBY-DOO CHASE MUSIC NOW!!

It felt like you were there in the audience, like you were right there in the pit. I'm so glad that this movie is making so much in box offices. It was like an unholy experience I will never forget.