#guys do you really think caesar lives in a tent when he’s not at war

[stoat-party]

Fallout fans do not believe there’s a single building in the entire state of Arizona

[mistaeq]

Hello! May I please request headcanons for what camping with Joseph and Caesar be like? Especially if they're both crushing on reader? Thanks!

Joseph Joestar & Caesar Antonio Zeppeli: Camping with them

TW // none

Oh god. Oh dear. Dora wrote an actual request. Dora wrote an actual fucking work. Yes I did. I missed writing longer stuff. Hope I haven't lost my ability,,, Thank you for your request, dear! ♡ enjoy~

Camping with both Joseph Joestar and Caesar Antonio Zeppeli crushing on the reader. Neutral!reader

WORD COUNT: 1.9k

Joseph is the one who suggests camping first. In his mind, it would have been cool, just him and you, in front of a warm fire, or maybe alone, in a tent... he even thought about confessing during camping.

When Caesar learns you're gonna go camping together, just you and Joseph, he's kinda upset. JoJo knows about his massive crush on you, why in the world would he invite you to spend some nights in camping alone? Without even asking, he just decides he's gonna tag along. Screw the gentleman side.

The young Joestar has decided: this is gonna be war. He knows Caesar has a crush on you, but he had been crushing on you too, why should he be the one giving up? The blonde guy always gets plenty of partners, not that Joseph's not popular too, but damn, if Caesar wants a partner, he can have anyone he wants. But not you, come on!

"Uhm... y/n?" Joseph would ask. "I'm kinda into saying goodbyes to pretty/handsome/stunning babes, can you pretend I'm going away for a long trip and you're telling me you're gonna wait for me? Yes- yes, I know you're gonna come with us, I was just wondering if you could pretend for a second..." dork.

After fighting over who would have driven the car with an intense and breathtaking Rock, Paper, Scissors session, Caesar won, jumping on the drivers' seat with a clear smug grin on his face, Joseph grunting something under his breath as he sat on the passenger's one.

What Joseph actually grunted was "You didn't even have to come with us..."

You must admit you aren't oblivious, about their crushes on you. On the contrary, you are aware of it, since they're being pretty obvious, and enjoy seeing them bickering with each other about every little stupid thing, just to impress you.

During the trip on the car, the driver actually changes. Caesar was being too busy trying to impress you by shooting bubbles out of his finger, for them to disappear in the air over your heads. Pretty romantic, not gonna lie, if it wasn't that he almost ran over three people and bumped against a wall, saying he totally did it on purpose.

With a victorious smirk on his mouth, Joseph switches seats with the young blonde Zeppeli, who's now pouting with his arms crossed in front of his chest, but giggling when you tickle his neck to get a reaction from him.

Please. Someone get Joseph to stop singing. He's not bad, and sometimes he changes lyrics in some funny stuff, but after more than a hour of just hearing the Joestar singing, you feel like your eardrums are gonna explode. You appreciate him for this too, though. He's the soul of the party.

Let's enjoy some good advertising spots while Caesar and Joseph fight over which area of the wood you should choose to place your tent and light up your fire.

[Thank you for we're close to 500 !! Please hug me I crave love.]

End of advertising spots. In the end, you're the one who chooses where you're gonna set up your camping equipment, and suddenly the both of them fully agree with you, even if you purposely suggested an area that they had discarded from the start. How can two guys be so effortlessly obvious? You giggle, without them noticing.

Time to divide the tasks! Joseph is way more muscular than Caesar, this is why he's the one who's gonna set up the tents. Or at least, the tents he wants to set up. Obviously he had gotten rid of your tent someway, so that now there were only two tents, and you had to sleep in someone else's - hopefully his - tent.

Caesar had started setting up the fire with an old lighter and some wood laying around, while you took care of looking for some stronger wood, so that the flame wouldn't die during the night. You didn't want to be alone with a single one of them, this is why you left them alone to go looking for wood.

When it's time to eat the packed meals Suzie Q prepared for you before you left, both the boys offer you your favourite thing from their plates. You never accept, first of all because you don't want to play with their feelings, since it's clear that they're trying to prove who you prefer. Second of all, because you know Suzie knows her thing, and if she packed such different stuff for every single one of you, it probably means that food can be healthy in different ways for your bodies.

"Ho capito! I understood you got rid of y/n's tent for them to sleep with you, but they'll be so angry at you for this, they'll only want to sleep with me." the blonde italian boy would say, pointing his tapered finger against the american one.

You slept in Caesar's tent. Alone. You forced Joseph and Caesar to sleep together. The worst night of their lives. Won't guarantee the brown-haired didn't try to suffocate the blonde with the blanket.

Joseph won't be able to sleep at night, not just because of his companion's presence, but also because of the terrifying night sounds. Oh god. He's pretty sure a lion is gonna attack the three of you as soon as possible. You tried to explain several times, there's no lions in Italy, unless you're visiting a zoo.

Still, you found him calling you out of your tent at three AM, saying he wanted to protect you from the beasts that were approaching your area. You completely understood he just wanted to be comforted and protected himself, but you tried not to expose him too much, to keep his dignity up. You find no harm in a man being scared of something, but maybe he did, for his own reputation.

The following morning, Caesar woke up to you checking on the fire after you went to look for wood, and Joseph sleeping in your tent, understanding JoJo hadn't slept, not even a second, because of his fear. Why did he suggest going camping, if he's so afraid of sleeping in the wild, though...

The italian boy helped you reviving the flame with the wood you had found, but noticed your ankle was hurt. "You should have woken me up, signorina/o..." he says, in a scolding but almost playful tone. "I told you not to wander around when nobody's awake. What if your wound was worse and you got lost in the wood without being able to reach for us?"

Luckily, after some interesting hours of chaos, [see bonus scene at the end] the boys gently - and together, surprisingly - put you back into the car, and without fighting, decided Joseph would have driven. Caesar asked him only for the condition of not singing.

As soon as you got back home, the boys got scolded by Suzie Q herself, who blamed them of not being able to take proper care of her dearest friend - you -, and helped you to get inside the house to medicate your ankle properly.

"Why not getting the two of them?" this is the sentence that echoed into your mind for the rest of the night, a sentence Lisa Lisa had told you, when you talked to her about your feelings towards Caesar and her son. Getting the two of them, huh?

BONUS SCENE

You had hurt your ankle, stumbling on a tree's root which was coming too much out from the ground. This is why, Caesar offered to help you and go get wood in your place, and you couldn't really choose whether to say yes or no. Even Joseph accepted Caesar helping you. Just because now he got to be alone with you until the Zeppeli boy was away, of course. You noticed it when he got closer to you, already blushing and clearing his voice.

"So... looks like we're alone, now." he mumbled, sitting next to you in front of the fire. It was pretty clear that he wanted to say something, and was being pretty bad at hiding it. Still, you nodded.

"Looks like it." You giggled, trying not to meet his gaze. Deep down, you wanted him to confess the same way you didn't. Because you knew you would have felt the same if Caesar was in his place. Why did this have to be so complicated?

"Look, I know Caesar tagged along and ruined everything, but I actually had invited you because I need to tell you something." Joseph finally admitted, fidgeting with a flower he had picked before. It's not like he had picked it thinking about giving it to you, but since he already had a flower in his hands, he thought this would have been a good start.

"Y-yes...?" you asked. You tried to keep it seriously, but lowkey failed, since you had noticed Caesar was probably around, and he had come back. You understood because of the giant, full of water bubble floating behind Joseph's back. Oh dear. Oh god. What was he gonna do?

If felt kinda wild, to know two guys were ready to fight this much for you. And not two random guys, but Joseph Joestar and Caesar Zeppeli... damn, couldn't they crush on you in different times? This sounded so difficult to deal with. But it still left that good feeling about being appreciated so much.

"I... y/n, this is what I wanted to tell you. It's that I actually lov- hhgg-!" you stared at him in shock, as the giant bubble wrapped around his head, stopping him from breathing and to confess anything more. You can't hide you admire people who can master it, but hamon is terrifying sometimes.

Without saying a single word, you turned around to look for Caesar, as he came out from behind a tree, some good branches to be burnt under his armpit.

"Come on, free him. I'm pretty sure he won't say it, now that you're here." you said. You were happy he stopped Joseph from confessing, but on the other hand, you would have wanted him to tell you. Or Caesar to tell you, as well.

"But what if I said it instead?" the italian boy asked, pulling your leg on his lap to check on your ankle. As he didn't want to embarrass you even more than Joseph, he suddenly changed the topic. "I remember some tricks with bandages an old nonna taught me. I'll take care of this, okay?" well, this was... fine? Surely better than a straight confession.

"Mhmhkay." you mumbled, as he released his hamon to let Joseph breathe. The english boy furiously turned towards Caesar, who shrugged unbothered.

"It'll take a while for him to be able to attack me back. I messed up his breath's pace. No decent hamon." he explained, as you laughed, hearing Joseph's distressed noises in the background.

This really would have been a camping to remember.

[clockworkkatana]

why did rome fall (I already asked your girlfriend but wanted to compare notes - no cheating guys)??

constantinople

i mean, okaythere isnt one specific reason by any means - rome wasnt built in a day and neither did it fall in one - but rather a whole host of them, all incredibly complex and nuanced and im going to be here for fucking hours arent i but mostly its constantinople and the audacity of naming a city after yourself and instantly moving there and declaring it the new capital of your empire and when i say that i mean actually just splitting your empire in two because you wanted a change of locale

also full disclaimer i prefer classical antiquity to the constant teenage deathdrama of late antiquity if your teen angst bullshit included political intrigue, murder plots, assassination by stabbing, assassination by poisoning, assassination by strangling, assassination by decapitation, assassination by the praetorian guard, forced abdication, forced abdication and execution, forced abdication and mutilation, forced abdication and blinding, torture, exile, and im literally still just listing ways emperors were deposed do you potentially see a possible trend and/or theme that could possibly be indicative of a federal fucking issue with regards to the roman political theater: a circus, or rather, the panem et circenses of every history major who ever thought it was maybe a little telling that “murdered roman emperor” is its own fucking category on wikipedia with subcategories to spare

also second full disclaimer im qualifying ‘fall of the roman empire’ as ‘fall of the western roman empire’ because byzantine is its own thing and im not particularly interested either in that portion of it or typing up a whole new dialogue just on the eastern roman/byzantine/ottoman empires because its too far removed from the prelapsarian concept of rome and the aesthetic ideal of the roman empire to count in my opinion

anyway

we begin, as a great deal of roman history lessons begin, with a murder(there are diatribes i could go on about how really when you think of it all of roman history begins with a murder - romulus to remus - so is it any wonder her demise begins the same way but im not even started yet so thats a bad idea just on general principle)march 19, 235. mogontiacum, the citadel that would become the city of mainz in germany. a tent flap is thrown open, and forth strides a young man in a fury like one possessedhe is severus alexander, 26, emperor of rome, and hes fucking pissedwhy so upset? enter a man named maximinus thrax, a barbarian from thrace and a goliath of a manmostly illiterate, but then soldiers never cared for literature, and it was soldiers who rallied around maximinus, soldiers who murdered severus and his mother for choosing diplomacy over open war, soldiers who proclaimed a barbarian from the black sea the new emperor of rome, and soldiers who legitimized that claim in the senate

thus begins the crisis of the third century, a fifty-year period that sees no less than 26 claimants to the imperial throne (the empires youngest emperor reigns during this time, gordian iii, who took the throne at 13 and ruled for six years before his death and was, by my account anyway, a nice kid), the fracture of the empire into the competing factions of roman, gallic, and palmyrene, a great deal of plague, a slew of invasions from the north, and some good old-fashioned economic depressionso basically a tuesday

i wont get too into the brunt of everything because im gonna be here all night as it is but while, yes, the crisis was indeed averted and the empire restored by diocletian in the early 284, the crisis of the third century marked a huge shift in the history of the empire as a whole (from augustus to severus alexander was 26 names and 262 years, from maximinus to diocletian was 23 names and 49 years) and is actually the turning point from classical antiquity to late antiquity, which i mean is telling in and of itself but frankly its only due to diocletians reforms that rome managed to survive the next 150 years as it did but im getting ahead of myself

diocletian was, by all accounts, a good ruler: he came up from nothing, the son of a peasant farmer who rose up through the legion ranks before being declared emperor after the deaths of carus and numerian he only reigned a single year as the sole emperor - he appointed his friend and fellow soldier maximian as augustus of the west, and from there he delegated further, appointing junior co-emperors called caesars (romans had a thing for titles based on previous rulers - part of the imperial cult, in a sense) to create a tetrarchy, a rule of four which actually worked out for him? with maximian and constantius dealing with germanic tribes in a scorched earth campaign along the rhine and galerius fighting the sassanids to the south, diocletian was able to secure the border (didnt even have to build a wall, fancy that) and focus on much-needed imperial reform, though perhaps his greatest achievement is that he was the first in the history of the empire to abdicate and retire peacefully and voluntarily, living out the rest of his days in the small town of spalatum (now split in croatia)

without diocletian, things, as they tend to, go to shityet another roman civil war burns itself out for the next 8 years or so before we get constantine the great, who takes a bunch of diocletians work and either rolls with it or upends it based on whether or not it suited him at the time, and its with constantine where the empire really starts hemorrhaging

personally i think constantine gets too much credit there are like maybe three people in history who deserve the title of ‘the great’ and just because you got venerated by the dominant religion in all of western civilization doesnt mean youre great it just means youre not a fan of persecution and i mean thats cool but im not a fan of persecution and im certainly not so titled, no i just get dubbed ‘the pure’ because i dont hit on every maiden from here to camelot listen lance buddy gwen was better off with arthur and you just need to get the fuck over yourself alreadythis turned into a roast track for lancelot all of a suddenanyway constantinea lot of it is because of the whole religion thing which ill go over briefly but likeyes he pulled off a lot of reform that did a lot of economic and social good and he stopped the persecution of christians which i mean yes is a good thing and yadda yadda yawn listen he fucked up big time with constantinople alright you could narrow down a lot of this answer to just the word ‘constantinople’ and frankly youd be the better for not reading and having forced me to write what has to be like at least a thousand words by now but all in all constantinople in my mind marks the period where shit really starts tanking because up until then - with the crisis and the tetrarchy, etc - the empire had been divided but never so explicitly and finally separated. this is a major turning point for the empire as it actively splits the whole of rome pretty much down the middle - diocletians tetrarchy had done this before, yes, but not nearly as callously nor as resolutely: once every great while a strong emperor would reunite the west and east under one ruler but eventually hed die and it would be civil wars all over again until we came back to east and west

from constantine it was a slow march towards the grave for rome - the crossing of the rhine, a constant plague of invasions and failed wars that slowly chip away at her lands and resources and put considerable strain on her already absolute shite economy (turns out an economy dominated by slavelabor and conquest isnt feasible when you lose all your wars and your empire is splintering before your eyes)

the last “true” emperor of what i, anyway, consider rome - and even that is up for debate - is romulus augustulusonly 14, and his claim disputed everywhere beyond italy, but it seems fitting, to me: named for romes founder, called ‘little augustus’ after her first emperorhe is deposed - but not killed, exiled to a seaside castle where he disappears from historical record - by odoacer, who becomes the first king of italy, as there was no more empire to rule, and with the death of the office of emperor so dies the state of the empire

this is a vast oversimplification of a lot of things and you should also read radias answer which is probably better than this one - i summarize a lot in my theses and probably need to work on thatbut yeah pretty much there you have itblame constantinople