#guy whose first crush was a building. guy who never felt lust until he felt the intimidating presence of towering flour mill.

[deckromancer]

i have nothing but love and respect for the computer lovers on this website (i find it hot too more often than not) but i need more content from fellow building lovers !!

[mxgilray]

Loki Season 1 Thoughts

Overall, I really liked this series. It has some issues without question, but I sincerely don't think it's the dumpster fire so many viewers on this site treat it as. Did it go how I expected? Not at all? Did I enjoy the heck out of it and look forward to it every Wednesday? Hell yeah!

Loki's Good Guy Personality

A big complaint many have had with it is how much Loki's demeanor has changed and how his emotional growth feels rushed or his personality is ooc. Truth is, he saw his entire future, saw what his angry, power hungry, I-work-alone persona would get him in the end, and it snapped him back to reality. He has always been shown to be quite emotional and craving attention and lacking in self assurance, it's just in the past movies he's masked it with violence and fake narcissism, and he's always been a secondary character so his perspective is rarely shown. But if you really pay attention it's obvious he isn't truly villainous; we all know that, it's largely why he has such a huge fan base.

Right after meeting Mobius, Loki got an infodump of his future, saw his parents both die, found out that free will means jack shit, and learned he's absolutely powerless in this realm. On top of that, this is 2012 Loki, fresh off of being under Thanos' control, suddenly being shown that the guy who controlled him is going to end up killing him. Frankly,, I think it all broke Loki. He was too shook up by it all and by the sheer helplessness he found himself in at the TVA that he let all his barriers down momentarily. Just long enough for him to open up to Mobius about his motivation and his lack of self confidence. And you know what I bet? Loki felt relieved after talking to Mobius. A weight was lifted, because he bore his heart to someone and wasn't rejected or laughed at or treated like a psycho. And after letting his walls down fully, Loki didn't feel the need to put all of them back up. He stayed guarded around other people, but he didn't need to pretend around Mobius. Mobius has seen under the mask, so Loki doesn't feel pressure to perform as an all knowing, all powerful God around Mobius. That freedom is life changing.

People who gravitate towards broken, pseudo-villain characters do so because we relate to their internal conflict, their mental illness, their need to fake it around everyone close to them. Their turmoil and depression and self destructive behavior are familiar and we see ourselves reflected in their actions. Now, when a person really truly let's their guard down, drops all their layers of facade, and embraces themself, they tend to change demeanor and even personality pretty drastically. It's jarring in real life, so of course when it happens to a fictional character who you usually relate to it is going to be jarring, maybe even more so because it feels like a change you yourself would never go through. I know this sounds bad and people might get at me for it, but...

I believe the issue here is that a large part of Loki's fan base doesn't want him to get better. They don't want him to move past his mental illness, to learn how to cope with anger and disappointment in healthier ways, to be happy. They like his damaged persona, they like the internal conflict. Maybe it's because they're still at that low place themself and feel like a relatable character is getting taken away from them, maybe it's because they don't understand how much being at peace with yourself can alter a person and to them it feels like he's been changed too much. To those of us mostly on the up and up from battling depression and mental illness, it's comforting to see Loki getting a chance to be genuinely happy and accepting of himself.

Sylki and Lokius

First things first, I'm not anti anything. Ship what you want, idc. Personally, I do not see the Sylki dynamic as romantic, but I get why people read it that way. I thought the series did a good job of showing unrequited love, namely Loki falling for Sylvie and Sylvie feeling zero romance towards him. This was aware of his attraction and in the end used it as a distraction so she could get the upper hand. The show played up the potential romance because we are viewing things from Loki's perspective and he's become smitten as a kitten. I do think in the long run they'll have a more sibling-like dynamic, one Loki realizes that you can feel extreme love and care for a person without it being romantic. I enjoyed how the show explored their relationship, though I do wish they hadn't had every character under the sun mention their moment on Lamentis-1 like it was some big deal to bond with someone you're about to die with.

I'm bitter towards the development of Lokius. It had a strong start in the beginning, and in ep 5 had some potential reignited, but then they had Mobius not know who Loki is at the end. I'm still hoping they're playing the long game with this ship and that it'll come to fruition partway through season 2. The chemistry is there, and Mobius knows Loki very intimately and isn't put off by his past. Loki also feels much more at ease around Mobius than he does around Sylvie. It's the comfort of a deep loving bond with Mobius verses the nervousness of a new crush that he feels for Sylvie.

I don't think Loki is quite aware of his feelings for Mobius, simply because it's based in friendship and mutual respect and isn't a hot and heavy lust. Plus, as soon as he was away from Mobius he was thrown into a near death experience with Sylvie and developed a surface crush during their heart to heart. Since Loki's still figuring out what genuine feelings are beyond anger and sadness, he sees the simplistic crush he has on Sylvie as love and the intimate bond he's been forming with Mobius as friendship. He doesn't understand his own feelings yet, but I think he'll figure it out next season. I mean, he was probably already rethinking his feelings for her after she kissed and betrayed him, mentally kicking himself for expecting her to not pull a Loki betrayal like he would've in the past.

The Time Variance Authority

I really like the concept of the TVA, the structure of it, the methods they use, the deeply fucked way they recruit employees, the cult like motto, shady Miss Minutes who is definitely playing her own long game, and the blind acceptance TVA agents have of the Time Keepers' will. It's all very well done... until your dig into the core, aka He Who Remains. They built up the idea that the Time Keepers created the TVA to prevent a multiverse war and that they created agents to enforce their will. Then the creating agents turned out to be fake, the Time Keepers were fake, I expected the reason for the TVA's existence to be fake to. It felt too simple to have it genuinely exist just to keep the multiverse in check. Why the anonymity, unless it's to keep from having agents target and prune versions of himself which.. songs like a decent solution. HWR made it sound as though the multiverse war was just a bunch of versions of himself screwing shit up, so why isn't the TVA's focus on eradicating every other variant of this guy? Sounds a lot easier and nicer than fucking with the free will of every other living being. So either Marvel made a bad call when choosing what HWR's motive was for creating the TVA, or he was lying about it all to cover up something sinister.

Overall Storyline

I'm fairly happy with the plot as a whole. There were some pacing issues and I think a few missed chances for deeper conversations between various characters. While I enjoyed the Loki variants, I honestly would've been happier seeing Tom playing most the variants (except Kid Loki and Classic Loki since they are clearly different age ranges). If there is supposed to be one sacred timeline, it seems off to me that Lokis would be allowed to vary so extremely without it causing a nexus event(an alligator, whose nexus wasn't that he's an animal who obviously can't do any magic much less command Thanos' army, but that he ate someone's cat) and not just in appearance but in life path (ie boastful Loki collected all the infinity stones but it wasn't till he had 6 that he caused a nexus event even though him gaining control of the Soul, Power, and Time stones should've each caused nexus events since on the sacred timeline he never interacts with those 3 and taking any one of them would've fucked up a lot of other timeline parts)

I love the display of Lokis raw power, and 2012 Loki coming to the realization that he's way more powerful than he ever thought. And it wasn't just Classic Loki who spent thousands of years alone honing his skills, 2012 Loki reversed time on a goddamn falling building! I also liked the small magic, the fireworks, the tablecloth blanket, Loki yanking Sylvie away from HWR with just magic.

As someone who is both bisexual and genderfluid, I would've really loved more concrete representation. The comment about there never being another female Loki hit me in the gut; it undermined the Easter egg "Sex: Fluid" on Loki's TVA file. With how big a deal Sylvie being female was made out to be throughout the season, I expected her gender to play a key role in taking down the head of the TVA, like it was foretold that only a female Loki could end it all or some shit.

I don't mind the idea of Loki finding love in a straight passing relationship. I don't even mind the selfcest all that much. It just feels so obvious to me that Sylvie is written as not having any romantic inclination towards Loki, while Mobius is clearly written as falling in love with someone he shouldn't and trying to maintain an heir of professionalism to keep from wrecking his bond with Loki. I really really hope they come through on season 2 and give Lokius the canon relationship and proper representation they deserve.

Mmkay I thinks that's all the thoughts I've got right now. If you've been feeling cheated or clowned by how things went this season, maybe my perspective of things can help ease your pain.

[wolfeyeslonelynights]

Strip Club

Liam wasn’t quite sure what to expect when Mason had called him at two in the morning speaking what sounded like hysterical gibberish. 

He did manage to get out of his friend where they were at before ending the call. Rolling out of bed, he put on the first clothes he found - a two day old shirt that had a tear at the shoulder from an unfortunate incident with a tree and jeans that had once been whole but now had twin holes in the knees that his mom actually thought were manufactured.

Trekking quietly out of the house, he paused behind the wheel to enter int he address that Mason had squeaked out. All Night D’s.

“Jesus Christ Mase.”

A strip club. His best gay friend was having hysterics at a gay strip club. There had better be a massacre when he got there.

The drive was short with empty streets, not really surprising since it was early in the morning, on a Thursday night. Why his friend, and probably Corey too, decided to party at a club on a weeknight was beyond Liam but he was used to the random calls. Instead of really questioning it, he just drove into the parking lot and ran a hand through his hair before climbing out.

The building was dubious. Liam felt instantly greasy and glittery when the bouncer eyed him before shrugging and letting him slide past without even asking for id. Which was good because while he found a twenty dollar bill in the cup holder, he had left the rest of his wallet at home. The club was surprisingly crowded. A loud large group circling a end stage across the room. Liam paused to let his sensitive eyes and ears adjust to the flashing lights and various music that boomed over each other before Mason was there at his elbow - grabbing his arm in frantic pinching motions.

“L-Liam! You gotta- oh my god just come on!”

Before he could even get a ‘what the hell’ out, his friend was towing him through the throng of people towards the large crowd. He didn’t want to get crushed against a bunch of sweaty drunk guys but only sighed as he followed. As they worked their way to the front where Corey was staring at the stage with what Liam could only describe as a stupefied expression. “What is going on?”

Mason, death grip on Liam’s arm finally dropping away, didn’t answer just mirrored his boyfriends face as the current music faded away into blessed silence and the strobes lights changed from pinks to various blues. Giving up on the two, Liam turned to see what they were staring at, hoping he wasn’t going to be blinded by some stranger’s junk hanging out. Just as The Weeknds “Into the Night” started booming out of the nearest speakers and the figured slinked out onto the stage.

Liam felt his jaw drop.

For working at a strip club Theo wasn’t wearing much to strip off. Instead the chimera was barefoot, shirtless and glossy, the pants he was wearing didn’t leave anything to imagination. Liam numbly thought they must be spandex or liquid because when the chimera reached the middle of the stage, just as the song reach the prelude to the chorus, the beta felt his entire body heat up as the entire….god his could see the entire outline of his penis.Then the lights went crazy, the chorus hit and Theo was a moving.

Liam didn’t know what drew his eyes more; the planes of Theo’s face being flashed between stark lights and shadows - eyes closed, lips moving slightly with the song’s words, or the way his body was sensually moving. A small part of his mind that hadn’t short circuit could see the fighting stances in the chimera’s limbs. Could almost pinpoint where, instead of rough movements of alluding attack, Theo had smoothed the movements that had the muscles on his abdomen and back rippling as he twisted and rolled. And when the chimera dropped slowly backwards and did a hip roll that had his junk as center attention before executing the rest of the back flip that ending with him sliding out onto his stomach Liam felt his throat dry up.

He didn’t realize he was right up against the stage until he saw a slight furrow in Theo’s brows before the chimera’s eyes shot open to meet his. There was a moment where they both froze, Theo staring wide eyed as Liam stared back. Then he watched the teen darkly smirk before quickly sitting up to slam his hand on the stage three times. Instantly all the music cut off, the other three dancers on the stages pausing to glance over to Theo’s stage before heading towards the back of theirs.

Mason and Corey grabbed each other before simultaneously shouting in Liam’s ear “ Holy shit! Ginuwine’s Pony! Ginuwine’s Pony” Liam felt his stomach drop. He was fairly positive he wasn’t ready for any of this.

It was the only song playing, and this was different then the free lance style that Theo had been doing. This dance was synchronized with the other dancers, but all Liam could do was stare at the chimera - whose gaze hadn’t left Liam since locking on earlier. The dance was feet sliding apart, coming together, rotating to the side as the rest of his body followed with dipping low and locking before rolling up. Liam lost the staring contest when Theo suddenly slid forward on his knees, legs apart and a hand sliding down his chest going down, down, before cupping himself. Before Liam could even register that he was straining forward, the chimera had slid his legs out to the side and rolled to a crouch that involved several hip thrusts that had Liam whining low in his throat.

He wasn’t sure if he could handle anymore, and Liam was becoming more and more aware of the increasing volume of the people around him. All hungry eyes watching Theo as he twisted in the air before catching himself with his hands and actually pausing in mid hand stand before sliding back to the ground that showed off his back muscles. Fuck, Theo knew how to work the crowd. The smells of lust and sweat with an undercurrent of desperation had Liam’s stomach roiling while he clenched his fist tighter. He knew the song was winding down, but the dance seemed to be getting more frantic. He could see the others mimic the current pop and lock that Theo was doing. Liam could almost breath in relief until an older man a few feet from him slammed a couple hundred dollars on the stage. Theo didn’t pause in his dancing, but did lift an sardonic brow in the money’s direction. The guy took this as as cue to shout “Reveal all!”

Liam knew, hundred percent, that if Theo took off his pants he was going to lose control and kill everyone. Scrambling for the twenty in his pocket he made sure to bunch it up until it looked like a lot, slammed it on the stage and screamed ‘Private lap dance!”. Ignoring the shocked faces of his friends next to him, Liam glared at the chimera. Theo paused, an unreadable look on his face, before he nodded. He shot the other man a ‘what can you do’ shrug before quickly walking over to where Liam was and held a hand to him. Unsure what to do, Liam tuck the money back into his pocket and placed his hand in Theo’s. The chimera easily hefted him up murmuring, “There are private rooms in the back.” before leading him away from choruses of “That one could strip too!” “That ass though!” “You mean those asses!” and cat calls. Liam’s was sure his face was permanently red.

Theo kept his hand in his as they walked to a hallway that was covered in hideous red curtain and faded lighting that was either suppose to help the mood or the fixtures needed a good cleaning. He tried to stay in the middle away from both. When they reached the room at the end, a small door plate stating it was unoccupied, Theo silently opened the door. Liam slid passed and waited until the door was shut. When the lock clicked Theo’s expression melted from closed off to a mixture of curiosity, self-consciousness, and something else. “What the hell are you doing here Dunbar?” Liam’s hand curled around the money in his pocket, teeth grinding as he spoke “How long have you worked here?”

The chimera shrugged “A few months? It’s easy fast cash.” He smirked “and I know how to work it.” Liam growled, surprising them both. After a brief pause, where Theo looked remarkably awkward and Liam focus on breathing through his nose until his heart rate was lower did Theo speak again “Look, how did you end up here?” Liam blinked, “Didn’t you see Mason and Corey next to me?”

The chimera shook his head “I don’t really focus on faces when I’m here.” Liam didn’t point out that he noticed his right away, pushing that thought away until he can overanalyze it later. Instead he looked around the room, a single loveseat - faded red of course- before sheepishly grinning.

“So I ruined your chance of a couple hundred bucks.” he slowly pulled out the worse-for-wear twenty and held it out for Theo to take. He watched as the older teen smoothed out the money before his shoulders were shaking in laughter. “Jesus Liam, twenty bucks?” Liam shrugged, giving in and sitting on the couch to lean on his elbows and run his hands through his sweaty hair. After a moment Theo sat next to him. He tried not to notice the tight pants. Instead he focused on the floor, mumbling his next words.

“If you stripped completely, especially for a crusty old dude, I was gonna to lose it and kill everything.”

Theo was still shaking his head, a grin hovering on his lips as he looked down at the money. After a moment Liam leaned his shoulder into the chimera’s, letting the warmth and nearness help him come down from the adrenaline. Theo leaned in too, tension Liam hadn’t been aware the chimera having easing from his shoulders.

“Do you have to work at a strip club?” He waited a moment before Theo sighed, “I almost have a enough to start college.” That sent a pang of guilt in his stomach but Liam pushed on “But like..a ..strip club? Can’t you bar tend at a regular club? You know, where clothes are generally required to stay on?” then in a moment of weakness he whispered “I’m never going to be okay with this.”

Theo turned to look closely at Liam, who continued to stare resolutely at the floor, before the chimera sighed dramatically and fell backwards into the cushion, “Yeah but who is gonna appreciate all this sexy skill?”

Liam turned to scowl at the smirking bastard, “If you need to dance for someone, just call me!” Then he bit his lip at the realization, figuring out how to back track but also not back tracking and this night had been really weird and too long. Theo was watching him now with a quietly heated look, a soft grin growing as he watched Liam squirm.

“Yes but will you always pay so cheap?”

Theo was still laughing when he was leaving the building later after quitting, Liam practically dragging him to their vehicles.

[btk-1004]

Deadly Sparks

Fandom: original one shot

Genre: action, thriller, psychological

Word count:3,127

Warning: manxman, death, murder, implicit smut

Hey guys! So, here is an idea that popped into my mind one night, and I had to write it down. I won’t waste your time anymore, here you go~ enjoy!

P.s: I am sorry for any grammar mistakes that may appear in the text! English is not my native language.

Summary: “The last time I saw him, he was lying in a pool of fresh blood on his apartment's floor. It was a painful loss, but I couldn't do anything for him. I just hoped he was in a better place.”

When I saw him for the first time, it was at a rather tasteless bar. He looked like a small, lost animal as he sat at the counter, sipping from the glass of alcohol. I couldn't tell what he was drinking, but seeing the funny expression he wore on his face every time he gulped the liquid down his throat, I assumed it was something pretty strong.

I sat at one of the tables, my eyes being unable to leave him alone as I found it interesting how easily it was to read him. His face expression showed sorrow, sadness, with a tint of defeat. A train of thoughts was tormenting his soul, and it seemed to be pretty intense for making him drink all these strong emotions away.

I sat there for a long time before I decided to approach him. So I slowly made my way towards the counter, and sat on the stool beside him. By now, it looked like the alcohol took a toll on him. The arms were folded under his chin as he was fighting the urge of going to sleep. With heavy lids, he looked ahead, but his eyes seemed to be dead. Funny enough, this guy reminded me of an abandoned puppy which was still waiting for its owner. I shook my head at the thought, and then lightened up a cigarette. The bartender didn't waste time as he quickly brought me an ash tray. With a polite smile I thanked him and took a long drag from the cancerous stick. So many people told me that I should stop smoking, but it is easier said than done. We all die from something, anyway.

My eyes fell on the small frame of the puppy who still sat beside me. His body started shaking, making my eyebrow raise in question. I was not sure if he felt cold or if he was crying, and I could not see his face because now he had it completely buried in the fabric of his hoodie.

"Mister, are you alright?" I asked him as I tapped his shoulder gently. But it seemed that he decided to ignore me. Well, I was a stranger, so he couldn't know if I was a creeper or a serial murderer.

I decided to keep quiet for now. I was never that friend from whom you could seek comfort, because I have never understood people's points of view as most of the time they were simply stupid. That made me lose my patience rather quickly and we mostly ended up getting into an argument as our opinions differed. However, I couldn't ignore him, who looked almost pathetic and so out of place. So, I let him dwell into the silence, but my hand carefully caressed his back. To be honest, I was ready to feel the muscles tense under my touch, no, I actually thought that he would slap my hand away. Bu strangely, I felt him…relaxing? He stopped shivering and he let out a long sight.

"Sir, you are going to get burned." the bartender's voice took me by surprise. I turned my head to see him better, and I was welcomed by a warm smile. The man pointed at his mouth, and that's when I realized that the cigarette was barely hanging by the edge of my lips, ready to fall from my mouth any time.

I heard a chuckle coming from beside me. I opened my mouth to ask what was funny, but he shut me up with his own question. "Why do people fall in love?" His voice cracked all amusement from earlier gone, and his words were slurred. Now, I was more than sure that he was on the verge of crying, but he tried to hide it as he pushed his head deeper into the sleeves of his hoodie. So this is what tormented him. I played with the ice from my glass as I thought of an answer. Well, my personal answer was pretty obvious to me, but I tried to think of something to sooth his soul. And after a long moment of silence, and when he seemed to have calmed himself down, I told him that it was just a natural thing. And it was true. People are born, they live, fall in love, get married, have children, become old people, and, finally, they die. I scoffed at the thought, catching his attention, a million of questions danced in his eyes as he peeked at me. He wanted me to elaborate it, but I didn't want to. I was not going to crush his hope, the stupid hope that all people seemed to possess. That cycle of life is just boring, and doesn't even apply to everyone. People want to be happy, which is cool, but they wait for all the good things to fall from the sky. Being miserable doesn't mean that they should just stay back, complain about how hard life is, and wait for someone to save them.

I could still feel him staring at me as I crushed the cigarette into the ash tray. It was obvious that he wanted to hear more of what I had to say. Sure, I could have just sat up and leave, but I was the one who got me involved in this, so it is only fair to have a conversation with him.  This is how we ended up talking about "love", and people in general. It didn't take a genius to realize that he was a simple person who didn't want to face the cruel reality.

After a few more glasses, he started opening up to me. He looked and sounded so broken while explaining how he had a lover, but he broke up with him, without any explanations or reasons. I stood there listening to him while he poured his heart out. He was the typical heartbroken guy whose lover cheated and found someone else because he wanted something fresh. Boring. Nevertheless, I tried to give him some advices.

Our time together came to an end as my phone started ringing. I excused myself and took the call, but it was not a long one, luckily. When I came back, I met two hopeful eyes. It seemed like my words and the kindness I showed him had a good effect upon him. Now he looked better, he even sat straight in his chair. However, I had to get back to my businesses, so I asked him if he wanted to meet again, and he happily gave me his phone number. And I even offered him a helping hand on getting him home, but he declined my offer, saying that he will just grab a taxi. Fine by me. With that, we said our goodbyes, and I walked out of the bar, curious of what will happen next. I was curious if he will remember everything that was said between us or if he will shy away from me. He looked like that type of person who didn't want to reveal anything about himself, but tonight he did that.

The following weeks were pretty interesting. Not only was I surprised when he texted me first, apologizing for that night, but he was also asking me for further advices while thanking me a millionth time for listening to him. And this is how we started talking to each other daily, meeting at a cafe from time to time. He was still pretty sad, and I could tell he couldn't properly sleep at night as every time I saw him the dark rings around his eyes gave him away. Maybe in time he will learn to accept the situation and that he will be able to heal his heart, but he should hurry up. Time is not going to stop for him. Until the moment came, I was going to stay as his friend, as he called me one time, and it slowly turned into a very good friend. He was a fool. He was trusting people a little too easily, but, strangely, I found it pretty cute.

But this careless behavior only brought him a tragic end as he was attracting dangerous people around him, even though I tried to stop him from doing something dangerous. But he never understood in what he was getting involved, and I could not always keep an eye on him, which was stressing me out at times.

The last time I saw him, he was lying in a pool of fresh blood on his apartment's floor. It was a painful loss, but I couldn't do anything for him. I just hoped he was in a better place.

 "…Mr. Deren?" A high pitched voice made me come back to reality as two confusing eyes looked at me from behind a pair of black rimmed glasses.

"Yeah? Sorry. What were you saying?" I brushed my hand through my hair. I couldn't sleep well last night, but it was no excuse for daydreaming like this when I had a job to complete.

"I said that you can enter. Mr. Woods is expecting you." And then she went back to her files, which were scattered on her desk, by the way. Such a messy secretary Mr. Woods has.

"Ah, you are finally here!" A husky voice welcomed me, even before I had the chance of stepping into the office. "Come in, hurry up." I raised a brow at him in question. What was the rush? But I did that, I walked inside, and the door was quickly closed behind me.

I took a sit at his desk, and I stared at him while he was searching for something in one of the drawers. He was pretty bland. I couldn't say he was ugly, but neither was he handsome, and I guessed that he was in his late 30s.

"Here you go." He pushed an envelope towards me. "You have no idea how much you’ve helped me!" A disgusting smile pulled on his lips, and I could imagine what he was thinking about.

I should have just taken the envelope and be on my way out of the building, but I found myself walking in front of him. "I want to ask you a question." It was more of a command. My hip was resting on the edge of the desk, my hand gently cupping his cheek, making him look at me. His eyes slowly darkened in lust. I heard about this man. He was one of these people who fucked everything that had a hole. Fool.

I was not bad looking and I could see how he eyed the lower half of my body when we met for the first time.

"And what is your question?" He asked in a low voice, capturing my hand in his, and planting a kiss on my palm.

"What would you wish for before you died?" I asked playfully, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear.

"What's wrong with you? It is something weird to ask, don't you think?" He chuckled.

"You think so?" I didn't pursue the topic, but I could see him faking the way he was thinking of an answer, even though we both knew what he wanted. It was a good chance for him to have a piece of what he wanted, so why would he pass it?

"I want a good fuck before I die." He smirked and pushed me closer to him. "Are you happy now?"

"Then come and get it." I mirrored his smirk, and he was more than happy to accept the invitation as he pushed me back on his desk and started kissing me roughly. He smelled like a combination of mint and very expensive cologne. Shortly, a feeling of disgust overcame me as he started grinding against me. Well, I promised him a good fuck, so I allowed him to play with my body however he wanted, but my mind was wandering in other places, not wanting to take part in such a primitive act.

"Daren…" Ah, I could recognize this voice. "I really can't get over this breakup, and it feels like it is eating me inside. I want to see him, I want to touch him, kiss him. And the thought that I won't ever be able to do that drives me crazy. But what can I do? Tell me, Deren! You give me the best advices. It is wrong that I fell in love with him? Maybe I should have realized that he is out of my league. I am, just as you always say, a fool.”

“It hurts...I want to be happy too. I tried seeing other people, but it is not the same. They will never replace him. He was not perfect, sure, but if you knew him well, then you would understand that he is just a sad man. I am sorry for him, and I really tried to help him, Daren, I seriously tried my best, but he was just pushing me away. Maybe I should have given him his personal space. Sometimes, he would scream at me, telling me that I was too clingy and annoying. Do you think this was the reason?"

"How can he replace me so fast? Did these 6 years of relationship not matter at all? You know what? Screw him!"

"Hah, are you already drunk? Pffs! Talking about killing and all that stuff. You are crazy, my friend."

 "I am coming, baby!" These words brought me back to reality, but I would have preferred to stay locked in my own memories. Hovering over me was Woods who was panting like a pig. I could feel something sticky on my chest; I knew what it was, of course. This is why I didn't even look down. I was, however, glad he didn't take my coat off. I should be more careful.

"Ah, you didn't come yet? Don't tell me that you found my skills bad!" He sounded so offended, almost made laugh.

"It is not important." He was not very happy with my answer, but who cared. He got what he wanted.

As I pushed him away, getting into a sitting position on the desk, I felt the need for a smoke, so I asked him if he had a cigarette. He did, and even helped me to light it. What a gentleman, not. Maybe he thought that he could turn me into one of his fuck buddies, if he was nice enough with me.

"Woods," I suddenly said, breaking a suffocating silence between us. I looked him dead in the eyes. "That guy really loved you." My words came out so spontaneously that I did not even realize how random it sounded.

For a moment he was confused, but then he understood what I was talking about. "Are you really talking about him? Let me tell you something, I don’t care." He fumed and walked towards the adjunct bathroom, showing me his back. Golden rule, never turn your back to an untrustworthy stranger.

"But you two are pretty similar, you know. You are fools who can't sense danger, even if the fangs are just a few centimeters away from your faces."

"Shut up! Don't you dare compare me to that frea-"

BANG!

Woods fell on his back in shock. His hand was covering the shoulder, where the bullet was feeling at home, stuck there, in his flesh. Blood was oozing from the wound, coating the arm slowly in it. What a beautiful sight, I thought as he looked like he could finally smell his death approaching.

"You fucking piece of shit!" He screamed at me, finding force in him to do something else other than looking at me in fear. Now it was all replaced by anger. Oh yes, show me what you got, make it more fun. "Oh, I think I understand now. You fell in love with that freak, and now you are going to kill me instead of him. I gave you one job! Kill him, not fuck him, you worthless whore!"

"Wait, what?" It was my turn to look at him in disbelief. What was that? It was actually funny, so funny that it made me burst out in laughter. "I am sorry to break your illusions, but he is dead. Didn't you see the news? Come on, Woods. You hired me because you know I am the best in this field, so are you doubting me now? You are a strange guy. And don't worry, you two love birds can meet again in hell because you just killed each other. You were too obsessed with your social status, so you decided to push away the only person who gave a shit about you. But yeah, you were too afraid of him because he knew your secrets and could bring you down, but oh, you were so wrong. He didn't intend to do that, so an innocent person died. Or was he innocent?" By now I was crouched in front of him, my gun firmly pressed against his forehead. I could hear him gulp nervously, fear paralyzing his whole body. "He did the same as you. He hired me to kill you." I smiled as I saw him struggling in finding the right words.

"No, t-that is impossible. He…how...he can't"

"Goodbye, Woods."

"Wait!" He screamed while gripping my wrists in an attempt of escaping from me. I was curious, so I let him speak. "Money! I am rich. I can give you money!"

"Woods, you are making me laugh again." My words were accompanied by a mocking, weak chuckle. "You could have been a comedian."

I could tell he was thinking of a way or another to make a deal with me, and I could only pity him. He was actually killed because his drunk ex-lover hired me without even knowing what he was doing, or how serious I was. These two fools liked to play with fire, but they got burnt, badly.

And my patience was running thin with this squirming pig.

I stood up on my feet, looking down at a silent Mr. Woods. The wall behind him was splashed with blood, and it looked like fireworks. That reminds me that this year was soon coming to an end.

I sighed as I plopped myself on the comfortable armchair that was abandoned behind the desk. I looked down at my gloves which were stained with blood, before turning my head to the large window. The city was, as usually, full of life, but the noise was starting to get on my nerves. Retirement didn’t sound so bad, I had enough money to move somewhere nice and live without working again.

[missmeikakuna]

Chad and the Incel Chapter 6

Rated: M

Fandom: Original Fiction (but inspired by the Virgin vs Chad meme)

Relationship type: Male/Male with a bit of Female/Female (the lesbians are adorable, btw) and unrequited Male/Female (in other words, the guys are bisexual).

Description: Chad is, well, a Chad, or at least he looks like one. He’s got his sights set on the cool nerd Becky and enlists the help of her shy incel ex-friend Noah, offering to help him get the gorgeous girl (Stacy) he desperately wants. Noah is reluctant to help, believing that he will be stuck in inceldom forever, but Chad’s interest in his life gives him hope. When their plans go awry, they start turning their romantic attention towards each other.

Content Warning: Given the subject matter, you can guess that this story has dark themes in it, such as suicide and self-harm (plus the mental health issues that often cause them), sexism, slut-shaming homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. There is also swearing and some mentions of sex but nothing too explicit (hence the M rating as opposed to an Explicit rating).

6th Post: [Experiment] (POLL) What do you think of gay men?

At school, Noah saw Chad and immediately looked away. Chad did the same.

As he sat in class, Chad absentmindedly doodled a heart. When he noticed this, a jolt of fear ran through his spine and he scribbled over the drawing. When lunch arrived, Tyrone’s chatter became a blur in Chad’s ears as peridot eyes consumed his thoughts. Despite this, he refused to look at Noah.

On his way to his car after school, he saw a girl with thick-framed glasses who giggled and waved at him. He stared at her with lust in his eyes, but that quickly ended when the memory of Noah putting his glasses back on projected onto his mind.

At home, Chad curled his arm with a dumbbell, a manga in his other hand. When the image of Noah staring at him as he stared back popped up in his head, he dropped the dumbbell and swore as one end fell onto his foot.

The memory was replaced with another, but not of Noah. An image of Chad’s old middle school building flashed in his mind.

The sun woke Chad from his slumber. Well, that and the pencil regularly poking his cheek. He looked up and swore. Almost everyone had left the classroom. Everyone except for the teacher, who was packing her things, and the boy with the pencil in his hand.

Chad gazed at the boy’s face, which was bathed in the sunlight. The boy had a big grin that showed his missing tooth. He wore a pair of round glasses whose size made his face almost disappear. He wasn’t quite bald but had a thin bed of hair on his head. His nose bent a little to the side but he had never complained about it. He smelled strongly of supermarket cologne and his breath, as he laughed his loud, hearty laugh, was minty. When he pinched Chad’s cheek, Chad noticed how warm and sweaty his hands were. This boy was Gerry LeGume. He had been made fun of for his name but took it in stride.

‘What were you dreaming about, Sudan?’

Ah, yes. The nicknames he gave people. Usually, they were based on some sort of pun or similar word to their name. He even called himself either Gus or Matt depending on how highly he thought of himself that day (Gus for his arrogant moods, Matt for his ‘humbler’ moods). He derived these names from a film with his name as the title, a film he hadn’t even seen and yet already decided was genius.

Chad looked away. ‘You don’t dream if you only sleep for a little bit.’ He was kind of lying. He had been dreaming, though that dream swirled around his brain long before he fell asleep.

Gerry’s eyes were wide as if he was staring at a doorway to another world. ‘Is that true?’

Chad shrugged before yawning and stretching his arms. He made sure to continue looking away from Gerry, who reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope.

‘A girl gave me this to give to you,’ he explained. ‘Honestly, I wouldn’t bother reading it. I mean, she’s a coward if she doesn’t give it directly to you. And why write a letter when she could have just asked for your number?’

Chad grabbed the envelope and stared at it, rubbing his thumb against the heart sticker sealing it. He looked back up at Gerry, who was holding his glasses as he stared at him.

‘So watcha gonna do?’

Chad rested his chin on his hand and waved the envelope around with his other hand. ‘I mean, even if she did ask me for my number, I would’ve said no. I’m not looking to go out with anyone.’ Also a lie.

Gerry scoffed a laugh and turned around until he was facing the whiteboard. ‘Gay,’ he said sarcastically, though that sarcasm was lost on Chad, whose eyes travelled everywhere as if looking for an escape.

Gerry stood up and wrapped his arm around Chad’s neck, rubbing the knuckles of his free hand against Chad’s head.

‘You look like a cat that just discovered he got his own tongue,’ he said. Would it be important to mention he had high scores in English, and that he bragged about this constantly?

His body heat quickly transferred to Chad, who felt warm shivers run through his body. The cologne was overwhelming and the laughter-dispensed minty breath tickled Chad’s ear. Chad held his own arms to prevent them from doing something dangerous.

When the proximity became too much to handle, he pushed Gerry away and stood up, picking up his books and running out of the classroom. He raced home, rushed to his room and shut the door closed with all his strength. He stood against the door and slipped down onto the ground.

‘It’s nothing,’ he told himself. ‘I’ve had crushes on girls, so it’s nothing.’ He remembered Gerry’s cologne and changed that sentiment to, ‘I’m nothing.’ He held his knees up to his chin and let sour tears leave his eyes.

He kept crying for a few minutes but then decided to turn on the TV and distract himself. He took a pillow from his bed and put it on the floor, scooting close to the TV. The channel he ended up on when he turned it on was in the middle of a show. In it, a teenage boy was confessing to… another boy? What was this?

The other boy on the show smiled. ‘I thought you liked girls.’

The confessor laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I do, but I like you more.’

More tears fell down Chad’s face, but this time, when they reached his mouth, they tasted sweeter. When the television couple kissed, his heart, no, all of his organs, jumped up. Part of him felt like getting up and dancing but he heard the front door to the house open and decided against it, especially after hearing his mother call out to him.

The next day, he fidgeted in his seat, waiting for school to end. When the final bell rang, he grabbed Gerry’s arm.

‘Can we talk?’

‘Uh, sure? What is it?’

‘I mean in private. Don’t worry I’m not, you know, going to kill you or anything. Not that I ever would! Um… yeah. I just want to talk somewhere no one will hear us.’

Gerry turned his head to the side while still looking at him, but he nodded. After heading out of the building, they went behind it.  Chad took a deep breath. Then he did it again. Then a third time. He quickly started to sound like he was hyperventilating.

Gerry laughed nervously. ‘You going to talk? You were acting pretty weird yesterday. What’s going on?’

‘Do you have a crush on anybody?’ Chad sputtered out.

A blush appeared on Gerry’s face. ‘N-No… maybe… yes. Why?’

Chad forced himself to look at Gerry. He put his hands in his front pant pockets and swayed back and forth.

‘I’ve got a crush on someone.’

‘Yeah? Who?’ Gerry asked with wide eyes and a grin.

Chad lowered his head and looked at his feet. ‘You.’ He turned around to walk away but stopped himself when he heard Gerry’s reply.

‘The fuck?’ Chad turned back around and saw a barely recognisable face. It was contorted, Gerry’s nose scrunched up and his eyes narrow. ‘I thought you liked girls.’

Chad moved his arm up to grab Gerry’s arm but didn’t touch it just yet. ‘I do, but… I l-like you... m-more.’ He almost slapped himself for fumbling that line. He took Gerry’s arm but Gerry shoved his hand away, dragging Chad’s heart down to his feet.

‘That’s weird. I didn’t expect you of all people to be a faggot. You don’t exactly act like one. Why me? What did I do to deserve this?’

‘Y-you’re just… I dunno… funny and… nice… and stuff.’

‘If I’m those things, then I don’t deserve to be creeped on by a faggot.’

‘But…’

Gerry passed him, walking at an angle to keep his body as far away from Chad’s as possible.

When school ended the next day and the teacher left the room to collect something, Gerry spoke to some other friends of his on the other side of the classroom, not bothering to lower his voice so Chad couldn’t hear it.

‘It’s freaky, huh? I’ve never met an actual homo before.’ He was sitting on another student’s desk and leaning back on his hands, kicking his legs back and forth.

The boy sitting in the seat at the desk laughed. ‘Yeah, and you wouldn’t expect it. I guess anyone we know could be like that. Creepy.’

Chad shuffled towards them. ‘’m not gay,’ he murmured.

‘What? Speak up,’ a second boy commanded. He was standing next to the desk.

‘I’m not gay.’

A third boy snickered, leaning back on his chair, which was behind the first boy. ‘Then why did you say you had a crush on Gerry?’

‘I like girls but I like him more.’

Gerry groaned. ‘That again?’

The third boy shifted his chair closer, sending a light screeching noise into the classroom. ‘So you’re straight?’

Chad stepped back and put his hands in his pockets again. ‘No… maybe… I don’t know. Maybe I’m both?’

The second boy laughed.  ‘You can’t be both. You’re gay or straight. You’re not making any sense.  Do you need to be put in a loony bin or something?’

Tears started creeping out of Chad’s eyes and the boys responded with laughter. The sitting ones stood. Together with the already standing second boy, they loomed closer, towering over Chad’s cowering body.

‘So are you a faggot or are you normal?’ Gerry asked.

The boys kept pushing Chad further down with their stares. He felt like a wounded gazelle in front of an entire pride of hungry lions. He did the one thing he could think to do.

He gripped Gerry’s collar and punched him square in the jaw. The pain in his fist mixed with righteousness in his heart to make a confusing concoction. Gerry pushed Chad to the ground and started repeatedly punching him. Chad pulled his arm towards him and bit it. The other boys pounced on Chad, kicking and punching him.

Chad screamed when he felt one of his ribs crack. He lost all energy in his arms and legs and lied there as the boys continued to bash him. The boys heard the voice of a teacher they knew outside the classroom and headed out, shutting the door.

Chad licked his lips and felt like vomiting as the taste of blood poured into his mouth from the crack in his bottom lip. His gums were in pain, just barely keeping their grip on his teeth after his mouth was punched so many times. He could already feel bruises developing on his chest and cheek, the latter of which stung with tears.

When his teacher returned, she shrieked and dropped her clipboard upon seeing his shivering body. She ran to him, kneeled, held him up and called emergency services.

At the hospital, Chad didn’t tell any of the doctors or nurses what happened, keeping his mouth shut, or at least as shut as it could be with swollen lips.

His parents visited him, but they were always preoccupied with their daughter’s latest achievement, reading articles about her on their phones instead of talking to him.

One day, he asked them to show him the website and he saw a recommended article at the end of the one about his sister. In the thumbnail was a tanned, broad-shouldered man with a neck that still managed to look like a tree trunk under his big helmet. He was holding a football up in preparation to pass it to someone.

When Chad was released from the hospital the first thing he did at home was look up gridiron classes.

After the memory ended, Chad lied down on his bed and did nothing, simply looking at the ceiling and wishing he was tired enough to fall asleep.

Noah posed a question to Incels.me before going to bed. When he returned to the site a few days later, he looked at the poll and saw a mixture of views.

Anicel1919- [Experiment] (POLL) What do you think of gay men?

They’re great- 20 votes

They’re good/okay- 19 votes

I don’t care about them- 45 votes

They’re bad- 23 votes

I hate them- 8 votes

He took a deep breath before looking at the comments. The mixture remained.

Yourwaifuistrash- I mean, they’re not fucking femoids all day, so I don’t care what they do with their lives.

ERdidnothingwrong- They’re degenerates. But hey, at least if we keep them with each other, they can give each other AIDS and die out.

Hopelesscel95- Gas to faggots and trannies.

Ropeourlordandsaviour- They’re fine. Lesbians are trash, though. They claim to hate men until Chad gives them a few bottles. Then see what happens. Fucking sluts.

mxsogklash- Some of them are fine, it’s just the ones that act all effeminate that annoy me. It’s also annoying how much sex they get and despite this fact they’re treated like a protected class.

Joshua69- Soy Boy! Soy boy! Lol, I don’t really care, though. For incels there’s no reason to be against gay people.

Lookcel404- Gay men are just coping incels. They can’t get femoids interested in them so they pretend to be something they’re not and, even though they may act happy and with ‘pride’, they’re really miserable because they can’t get femoids. That’s why so many of them off themselves.

After reading through comment after comment, he noticed how tense his arms were. Was this desire, this want, this need just a ‘cope’? Was he lying to himself? Was he going crazy?

He took a few deep breaths. Just before his breaths had completely calmed down, a memory from middle school jammed itself back into his mind.

Noah closed his tabs as his mother entered the room. ‘Whatcha up to?’ she asked.

‘Nothing.’

His parents weren’t ready for the truth. To him, they were still sheep following the words of a book they hadn’t even read. It was them who gave him the worst name possible. There was no way they would be able to understand their son’s ascendance into intellectual godhood.

What activity was blowing his mind and causing him to question the fragile foundations of society? Watching atheist YouTubers, of course!

When his mother left the room, he reopened the tabs and clicked on a recommended video. The host looked different from the others. He was a clean-shaven, muscular Asian man in a sea of bearded white atheists. He had a big pearly smile as he made fun of the logical inconsistencies in Ken Ham’s books.

Noah initially listened to his counterarguments with great interest, but around halfway through the video his attention went elsewhere- the man’s muscles. After a while, Noah stopped paying attention to his words completely and started noticing how the man’s biceps were slightly shiny. He pictured someone rubbing oil over those arms.

After a few seconds of imagination, he closed the tab again and looked at his door. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realised his mother wasn’t there.

His head started spinning and he felt a little sick. He could feel his heartbeat through his ears and, when he looked down at his lap, he swore. He unzipped his jeans. When he was done, his shoulders felt as heavy as an occupied palanquin under the weight of the shame he had placed upon himself. He looked at his hand as if putrid smoke was coming out of it.

The next day was spent trying to act like nothing had happened. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up when he imagined someone chatting with him and him blurting out what happened the previous night. Luckily no one talked to him.

When he returned home, he lied down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He wondered what would happen if he prayed. He doubted something would happen, but then he remembered something his mother always said.

‘A prayer a day keeps the despair away.’

He clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. He whispered his prayer. ‘Hey, god, I doubt you exist because your book makes no sense, but, I mean, on the off chance you are real, you mind giving me a girlfriend? You probably don’t want me repeating what I did last night. Make her a cool girl who’s interested in the same things as me. I want her to be smart. But not too smart! I don’t care if she’s pretty or whatever, just give me someone I can talk to easily. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m bothering with this infantile display of societal conformism. You can’t even hear me.’

The shame returned to his shoulders, as did the imagined smoke from his hand.

A week later, a new student joined the class. Becky White, a girl with messy hair in a ponytail and a constant frown. She scanned the class and sneered at them.

‘I was expecting more competition,’ she said as she turned to the teacher. ‘Are any of these people with an IQ higher than 110?’

Noah raised his hand. Facebook tests counted, right? Becky noted the seat next to Noah and sat next to him with a huff.

‘So, who do you prefer?  Xenophanes or Pascal?’ she asked him.

Noah felt a sting from not knowing who either was. ‘Huh?’

‘It’s a very important question. I need to know if you’re a religious conformist or not.’

‘Oh, I’m an atheist.’

Becky grinned and held out her hand. He took it and they shook hands. He couldn’t help but notice how cool, smooth and lacking in sweat her hands were. He gave her a closer look and felt his heart beat just a little faster.

Noah pushed the memory away and watched an anime to let the show occupy his thoughts.