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cosmicmoved · 3 years

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FORMAL INTRODUCTION FOR KITAHARA KOJIRO

hi, for some bizarre reason unbeknownst to even me, this muse has been like half a year in the making (actually, it’s been 5 months but that’s close enough for to still feel shame), but he’s finally here. the ““ evil ”” witch oc! witch man who does murders! whatever you want to know him as! anyway, from now on you just know him as kojiro or koj bc that’s his name <3 please look under the read more link for more info! (WARNING: the following will touch on darker themes like death, murder and, to a lesser extent, abuse. this is a heavy character so please keep that in mind if you ever wish to interact!)

BASIC FACTS

firstly, this oc is mostly connected to tsukidate sho, my witch detective oc. the connection mostly lies in the fact they’re both witches who interact with crime/murder in some capacity but their families are also close.

his name is kitahara kojiro ( 北原浩二郎 ), known as either kojiro or koji by those around him. i haven’t decided his exact birthday yet but he was born in 1990 and is approx. 31 years old. (i understand this is ‘older’ by tumblr rp standards but, by normal people standards, early 30s is still relatively young so basically, if u make old ppl jokes, i will bite u)

technically speaking, kitahara is his father’s surname but he never really knew his father and was raised by a single mother. however, his mother made the choice of raising him with his father’s name in an attempt to distance the pair from her own family. i’ll explain why that is the case in the backstory section of this post.

kojiro is a witch. he’s not involved in any broader witching community nor does his being a witch have much bearing on his professional life but he is a talented witch, despite being trained only by his mother. what he DOES use his magic for, however, is to cause a lot of problems.

oh yeah, he’s also cursed. and he kills people. because he’s cursed. again, i’ll explain this in more detail further in the post but it’s kind of an important fact. he was cursed to die at twenty years old and he’s still alive eleven years later because the only way to hold off death is to kill other people <3 omg that’s awkward

in his normal everyday life, kojiro works as a cake decorator and does photography on the side too. he’s a creative person and tbh he developed a lot of stupid hobbies in his teens, thanks to the belief he was gonna die by the end of them, so he ended up making a living out of what he liked. he also didn’t go to uni because he didn’t see the point because, again, he thought he’d be dead by 20 and then, when he wasn’t, he stopped caring.

it’s also important to note that he, uh, doesn’t give off murderer vibes at all. he’s friendly and sociable (and not in the ‘this guy’s definitely a weirdo’ way).

i kept calling him ‘evil witch oc’ while i was working on him but, as i’ve said before, i think that’s actually a little too simple and i wouldn’t actually call him evil. he’s NOT a good person but i don’t think evil is the right word for him either. he doesn’t believe he’s a good person either but he’s learned to justify his own actions as a means of survival. kojiro doesn’t enjoy killing people, he doesn’t take any pleasure from the act of murder, but he’s also relatively calm about it too. since he doesn’t have to do it on a super regular basis, he prefers to target shitty people and esp corrupt witches in positions of authority (not really in a self-righteous way, more just because they piss him off). he has specific personal reasons for this.

he has a pretty intense fear of death. you think he’d be over it, having spent his whole life knowing he was meant to die early, but the ability to push his death back sort of flipped some switch in his head and, over the years, he went from quiet apprehension to paranoid obsession.

why is this muse 30 years old? firstly, because i want him to be. that would probably be enough but also his age actually IS important. the vibe i’m going for with this muse is, as i’ve said like once before, is what happens to the hero of the story after they complete their quest? what if that quest doesn’t go as planned? kojiro’s quest was to hunt down the demon associated with his curse. that’s his original ‘story’. what i want to explore here is the aftermath of that, what happens after the weight of the quest comes crashing down on the hero and they return to normal, everyday life where they’re forced to shoulder it as though it’s nothing. a decade after his initial story, he’s worn out. he’s not the same person he was at the start.

BACKSTORY

this isn’t going to be written in a super formal or tidy way because i honestly just can’t be bothered turning this into a proper piece of decent writing. this is only going to be in paragraph form because i don’t like putting backstories into bullet points unless it’s super brief.

kojiro was born in 1990 as the first (and only) child of his unmarried mother (as yet unnamed) when she was just nineteen years old. she was raised in a strict and traditional witching family so the fact that she’d had this child out of wedlock AND that the father wasn’t a witch didn’t exactly land well. regardless, they let her stay in the family home but it would soon turn out that the child was cursed. according to a member of tsukidate family (i.e; sho’s family who, as i said before, are on good terms with kojiro’s family and who are also knowledgeable in the realm of curses), the curse determined that the child would die on the day of his twentieth birthday unless he was able to kill the demon associated with the curse.

as if the judgement from her own family wasn’t enough, the curse brought with it a lot of stigma from the witching community and so his mother made the decision to leave home by herself when kojiro was a year old. all she could afford was a small, one bedroom apartment but, so long as she and her son had a roof over their heads, anything was good enough. kojiro would live a relatively normal life, going to school with other children his age and away from other witches, but his mother would teach him what she knew. although she wanted to him to live as easily as possible, she felt she had to prepare him for his inevitable encounter with the demon. kojiro grew up knowing about the curse too. there was no way to keep it a secret --- even if weren’t cruel to hide it from him, the curse had left a visible mark on him (still working out the details of what this looks like and where on his body it is but it basically looks like a tattoo to most people).

when kojiro turns eighteen, he decides he’s old enough to face this demon and claim control of his own life (maybe i’ll write this as an actual drabble / piece of writing one day bc i’m reeeally brushing over it here). it had been trapped by his family and forced to lie dormant until kojiro would arrive to take it down. what the demon reveals to him, however, changes everything. there is no cure to this curse, the demon tells him, everything he was told is a lie. the curse, it turns out, has tied the demon to him and the only way to kill the demon is for kojiro to die along with it. the reveal is this: when kojiro born, they took him from his mother for a short time. i want to emphasise that her family are pretty shitty people because they decided this would be the perfect opportunity both to punish her and to solve a very specific problem -- getting rid of this demon. the same member of the tsukidate who ‘diagnosed’ the curse was the one who put it on kojiro. i’ll explain the actual curse and story behind it (and the demon) in more detail at a later date but the basic gist of it is that kojiro’s family lied to him and used him as a disposable means to an end. his mother, for the record, was entirely unaware of this. but what else does the demon tell him? although the curse cannot be lifted, it can be held off. this demon thrives off death and, through death, it can stay strong and continue to keep kojiro alive. if it grows weak and it is not sustained, kojiro will grow weak along with it and inevitably die. kojiro informs the demon that he will not kill anybody. that is out of the question.

a month before his twentieth birthday, kojiro kills a man. he had tried to forget about everything the demon had said, tried to forget that his own family had set him up for guaranteed destruction, but it hadn’t been easy. it had set him on edge and he’d become unstable. he’d fallen into a slump and his friends grew worried for him. yet, after a while, he came to accept it and tried to make peace with his life as it was. he put it to the back of his mind as best he could. but he’d discovered that the man his mother had been seeing over the past few years since he’d moved out to live on his own was abusive. so he killed him. everything the demon had told him risen to the surface and he’d asked himself does it matter if this guy dies instead of me? after all, kojiro was curious. he didn’t really want to die and he had wondered if the demon was telling the truth. to this day, kojiro doesn’t know what to believe but it’s much too late for all that now. he followed his mother’s boyfriend home and broke his neck in a dark alleyway. thanks to the magic he’d been taught growing up, he was able to ensure that nobody every traced him to the accident and, when the clock struck midnight on his twentieth birthday, kojiro broke down crying with relief.

he wasn’t dead. he still isn’t dead. he’d never wanted to die. over the years, the killing has gotten a lot easier. over the years, the answer to that question comes much quicker; if somebody has to die, why should it be me?

#« 𝐍𝐎 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 (ᴋᴏᴊɪʀᴏ) » / 「 headcanon. 」#blood //#FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #anyway this might.....idk this might suck i literally cannot tell #i can't write shit w/horror elements bc i'm like 'oooh nooo what if ppl think i'm being Edgy'#but backstory and murder aside....he really isn't an edgy character #the lore also needs work but i'll talk about that in more detail later #this post is literally long enough as is

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mischiefandi · 4 years

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My Blog in 2021 <3

Hi everyone!!

I’ll be writing again soon and I wanted to give you guys some information on what I’m gonna be doing on here from now on. There’s gonna be a few changes to how I’ll be handling my blog and my writing which is why I’m making this post so everything makes sense and you know what’s coming <3

everything is below the cut ! ( this is quite a serious post ngl :)

Fandoms

As you’ve probably seen on my blog these past few weeks, I’ve fallen back in love with the Harry Potter universe and I’ve decided I will be writing fanfiction about Harry, Fred Weasley, and the Marauders (Wolfstar content, Sirius Black x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader, and some Marauders headcanons). I will still be writing for Peter Parker in the MCU fandom and I will also be writing for Drake Walker from the Choices fandom. However, I’ve decided that after I finish my series “A Shitty Love Song” (Stiles Stilinski x Reader), I will officially stop writing for Stiles.

He’s still one of my comfort characters but I don’t feel as inspired anymore and because Teen Wolf ended so long ago now, I just don’t feel the same love for it as I used to. I will definitely still reblog gif sets and shitposts about Teen Wolf!! and I will not stop talking about Stiles on my blog lmao but I won’t be writing about him anymore. I know a lot of people follow me for that, so I apologise if you feel let down or disappointed.

I really appreciate all the love and the support you guys have been surrounding me with ever since I joined the Teen Wolf fandom, and I still love yall and will gladly discuss the show with you guys!! Thank you for understanding, I really hope you’ll still enjoy my blog and my content!

NSFW Content

Because I was a minor up until last August, I wasn’t comfortable with writing smut or NSFW content. My views on NSFW content on tumblr have changed a lot in the past few months and I have realised that I am now responsible for the content that I decide to share with readers and followers. I am 18 years old and I now feel comfortable writing smut, meaning I will be posting NSFW fics on my blog starting now. However, I would like to make some things clear:

If you are under 18 years old, I ask that you do not interact with my NSFW content. You are allowed to read my other fanfiction and you are allowed to interact with my blog and with me, however, my NSFW content is off limits. I know that this won’t necessarily make sense to everyone, and I know people will be upset, but this is a boundary I will enforce for your own protection as well as my own. I really am sorry if you feel disappointed or feel excluded, but smut is written pornography and there is a reason why the law prohibits minors from interacting with it.

As a legal adult, I do not feel comfortable supplying minors with sexual content. All minors, including my friends/mutuals, will be blocked if they interact with my NSFW content, so I ask again: please do not interact with my NSFW content if you are under 18, regardless of where you live, where you’re from, and regardless of your past sexual experiences. I will not be making exceptions and this isn’t up for discussion. I really do not want to be rude or act pretentious, but this really is a necessity and I will be taking this seriously.

Like I said, I will now start writing smut, however I will only be writing smut about 18 year olds and above. I do not feel comfortable writing smut about minors, even if they are 16-17. I know that minors engage in sexual behaviour in real life, but like I said, I do not feel comfortable writing about it. I also will not be writing non-con content, nor will I write about incest or dubious consent content. I ask that you please respect my choice.

For the sake of transparency, I will keep tagging the sexual content on my blog as NSFW and I will add it in the warnings above my fanfiction every time. Again, I ask that you respect these boundaries if you are a minor. I also ask that the other adult creators tag my writings as NSFW if they decide to reblog them. Thank you!!

Lastly, because I am 18, I want to say that if you feel uncomfortable with me interacting with your content or talking to you, do not hesitate to tell me and I will respect your own boundaries. Friendships on tumblr are complicated because everyone can stay anonymous while maintaining relationships with each other, which can make some people very uncomfortable, especially minors. I will completely understand if you would rather I stay away from your blog.

What I Read

I love reading people’s fanfiction and I really try to be supportive of my friends and their content however I have realised that there are a few things I see that make me uncomfortable, which is why I have decided to tell you guys that I will not be reading NSFW content about real people anymore. I don’t judge creators that do write about real people, nor do I necessarily disagree with them, I just know that it doesn’t make me feel comfortable anymore so I will not be reading those kinds of fics anymore. I am really sorry if that upsets or disappoints you but I’m not going to force myself to read things that make me feel uneasy haha.

Also, I don’t think I have ever interacted with fanfiction that talks about someone’s real life trauma because it always made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and I don’t intend on starting now so please don’t tag me in content like that! I don’t want to disrespect your work or your writing, but I feel that there are certain boundaries we have to respect as “fans” and romanticising a real person’s personal trauma is just not right in my eyes (Dylan O’Brien’s accident for instance). Yes, this includes past relationships or exes (something I didn’t always respect but now I do).

Speaking of trauma, I would like to specify something.

I will not, and will never romanticise a character on here who’s personality revolves around his/her/their trauma (yes, even if it’s fictional). It was a big issue with Arvin Russell in the Tom Holland fandom, and it will be an even bigger issue when Cherry comes out. I used to read Mitch Rapp fanfiction, something that I don’t intend on doing anymore, unless it’s soft Mitch who’s resolved his issues haha. If a character’s entire story arc and trauma has turned them into a violent and mentally ill person, it is not something that I want to romanticise or fantasize about. It can be harmful because it reinforces the idea that toxic relationships and/or violence are romantic or sexy things. They aren’t.

What to expect on my blog for the next few months

I will be writing again in two weeks and here is what I’ve got cooking:

I will finish posting A Shitty Love Song

I will be writing a series about Harry Potter and an OC (this is a big project I’m taking on so I won’t be giving more details until I’ve really worked on it)

I will be writing a Fred Weasley series (will include smut so prepare yourselves haha)

I will be writing more Peter Parker one-shots and I might have some series ideas for later down the line

I will be writing more Drake Walker one-shots

I will be finishing writing the song blurb requests I got way back in November (im sorry it’s been so long!!)

I will also be starting a new weekly thing on my blog. I’ll explain the details in a couple of weeks but there will be a taglist so you guys get notified when we play <3

I WILL BE PLANNING A 1.2K FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION WHEN I’M DONE WITH EXAMS I LOVE U GUYS

I realise that this post is insanely long and not exactly fun to read, so if you’ve stuck around till the end, thank you so much!! Please respect the boundaries I have set for my blog and please try to understand where I’m coming from before you do anything haha. I really don’t mean to act all high and mighty or superior to anyone, I’m really not haha, but I do feel responsible for the content I share on here and this is a post I’ve been meaning to make for quite some time now. I love you guys so so so much, thank you for 1.2K followers!! I feel blessed and I am so so so excited to keep creating content for you and for myself. 2021 will be awesome <333333

tagging my mutuals and my forever tag+other posts tag:

News and Other Posts Tag

@stiles-o-dylan24 @duskholland @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @hcomet28 @decaffeinated--fangirl @teen--marvel @cheesecakes-randomshitz

Forever Tag

@stixnstripesworld @masterofbluff @drakewalker04 @superapplepie @apatheticanvas67482

Mutuals

@duskholland @thelittlestkitsune @apatheticanvas67482 @mrscutiefandobhaz @teen--marvel @aquariusholland @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @siriusly-harry @solstilla

#v rambles #blog psa #thank you for understanding #again #im sorry if i come off as rude or as pretentious!!#truly is not my intention #just think it's better that the boundaries are clearly stated and that everyone knows what to expect #love u guys!!

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shadowtongued · 4 years

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🎤 5, 29, 31 👁👁

no sunday, just saltday.

5. Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

i’m fairly unbiased, i say for someone who has only written male muses as a irl girl. i like to look at muses in terms of personality or the work the writer puts into them. italian hand gesture, i’m lookin for the meat. not that meat. the other meat. but if i am being honest i really like female ocs. i have a long-standing habit of shipping with female ocs. idk why. maybe it’s bc i’m pansexual and female-leaning in attraction, who knows. but i feel for female ocs bc their environment in the rpc hasn’t changed, regardless of years of ‘pro-female oc’ posts and ‘oh yeah guys my muse def drinks the respect girls jooce’. like, still. it feels like criticism comes on harder for feminine ocs of the female and trans ladies ocs than most. me lady, i like lady. plus iirc the two blogs i’ve been on the longest were a biologically nongendered germ pretending to be a man, and an alien with no opinion on gender. so like. shruggoooo. but for the most part i just want to love on EVERYONE. like i take em all. i love em all. gimme.

29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

me comin 2 beat ur ass bc i talk abt this a lot. WE ALL HAVE REBLOGGED A MEME, GOT NOTHING, AND GOTTEN SPICY THAT SOMEONE REBLOGGED IT FROM YOU AND GOT MORE ASKS. that’s FUCKIN LIFE MAAAAN. i give no shits abt reblog karma. i don’t. reblog musings and memes from me, it’s what the site is fuckin made for. (unless u go down my blog and reblog every fuckin post, then i yell and pull the car over) but i don’t practice it. i understand why people do. and if someone would rather me not reblog shit from them, i’ll honor it. but i really just do not get it. like i do, it sucks, but at the same time that is really just how it is on this hellsite!!! welcome to hell!!!

but like, for the most part, i do my own reblog karma of idk if i don’t have a meme going, if i’m online and i see a meme i can do? i’m sending shit in if it makes sense. i try to whenever i see a meme.

31 Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

sometimes grandma comes online and sees some new fad or term and has no idea what it is and i either learn from context clues or leave it alone. i learn pretty quick for the most part and i don’t think recently anything has really baffled me other than people being really weird about only reblogging from the source. see the above question, i’m not going to cry if you reblog from me. otherwise i stay to my cul de sac and adust my bifocals to read my OWN fuckin text bc i’m just that blind. i’m fairly resiliant. i’ll be here until the site dies.

#amortean #✦ │ 𝙰𝚂𝙺𝚂 ––– you get one question. choose wisely.

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cinnaminsvga · 4 years

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Writing Tag Game ☀️

→ Tagged by @hobidreams and @gukyi!! Took me ten years to do my tag games but she got it in the end folks!!

→ Tagging @jincherie @hobiwonder @gimmesumsuga @dreamystuffers @yminie + anyone who wants to do this though I’m pretty sure some of you might have done it already bc I’m late OH WELL ;-;

What is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

at home in my bedroom?? usually?? sometimes i’ll go to coffee shops or the library to write but it’s usually to brainstorm rather than actually write. i like being comfortable (i.e. being in pajamas) and while i go out in pajamas like 60% of the time anyway, it’s still nice being able to sit like A Gay Person™️ without any fear of judgment lol

What is your favorite genre to write?

has to be crack and angst (wow what a surprise HSJAHDJSA) and i think it’s pretty obvious from my masterlist... i just?? enjoy making people laugh + cry like i don’t know what to say lol but if i had to choose between the two, then i’d go with crack. making people laugh is my favorite thing in the world!!

Do you prefer to write on paper or digitally?

digitally,,, my brain moves kinda fast (thanks adhd) and if i write on paper, i will 100% of the time have terrible grammar bc my brain just... automatically skips words?? like i’ll be thinking of the sentence (ex: Yoongi takes a sip of water from your bottle) but then?? some words just disappear when i write it down?? so it’ll end up like “Yoongi a sip of water from bottle” LIKE?? WHERE DID THE REST OF THE SENTENCE GO LMAOOO (pls tell me other people relate... or am i just stupit... help me hsjdaskd)

It’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. What do you do?

write it in my phone notes app,,, this happens a lot and it has a success rate of 50% because sometimes i’ll remember what my notes mean and other times it’s just complete gibberish,,, i have a note from 2018 that literally only says “gobble on that dick” and i have NO IDEA WHY,,, my brain is an enigma -_-

Who is your favorite person to write about?

*looks at my masterlist* idk take a guess LMAO (okay but asides from THOSE TWO... probably seokjin. that guy comes so easily to me,,, it’s no wonder he was my first bias when i started stanning bangtan lmao we’re on a different plane of existence,,, we’re both intps too so,,, seokjin 🤝 zee we always win)

Do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people?

both?? i just don’t ever post my own original work tho bc i’m scared of being #vulnerable so most of my ocs stay locked in a box forever ;-; but tbh, at this point... i consider the way i characterize bangtan in my fics to be sorta like ocs most of the time (most esp the reader character) bc i don’t always use the same “personalities” for most of them, if that makes sense?? it’s especially obvious when i make smaus bc the characters there often shift (with the exception of like... hoseok... i’m sorry man idk why u make such a compelling villain UR JUST TOO GOOD TO PASS UP)

Have you ever written a book/story with more than 15 chapters (100K words)?

fox rain!! she’s currently at 90K rn but i think with the next update, we’ll definitely hit the 100K mark... oh boy... that girl is a behemoth -_- what were rha and i thinking... lmao

How often do you get ideas?

every single day,,, every hour sometimes,,, i like to daydream (it’s my favorite pastime lol) but most of them just usually stay as dreams,,, maybe only 10% of my ideas ever have the potential to be written out and then only 1% of that percentage actually does become a fic,,, sorry guys but i have no brain wrinkles,,, i am as smooth as yoongi’s cheeks lol

Do you ever get an idea that you really like, but just can’t seem to finish?

*takes one look at my growing pile of unfinished fics* i don’t know what you’re talking about?? haha i always finish my fics what do you mean

(okay but asides from my #unmentionables... i do have lots of ideas that i really want to write but don’t have the time nor talent to accomplish!! there’s this one magic school au that i started worldbuilding almost two years ago but i doubt i’ll ever write it. it’s forever stuck in the mind vault, unfortunately!)

What is your least favorite plot?

mafia aus,,, i really cannot stomach them i’m sorry,,, badboy aus come close, as well as infidelity aus,,, they just leave me feelin weird i guess ;-; like more power to ya if you write/read those but i will unfortunately have to pass,,, gomenasorry

#wow watch me ramble for ten years #trying to clear my tag games... its a slow going process lol #tag game

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tommyparkerr · 5 years

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Promises BONUS III | Peter Parker x Reader

So...this is it, guys. The end of the road. :’( On the bright side, though, I’ve had so, so, so much fun with this series and I feel like I grew a lot as a writer through this. I explored a lot of new scenes and emotions and POVs which gave me an idea for a new series I want to start with an OC (@dahliaspidey knows exactly what I’m talking about here), and I never would have felt confident enough to write it if I hadn’t written Promises. These bonuses were kind of a last hoorah for me to finish off the series because I had so much left to say about Peter and Y/N’s future that I couldn’t not share it.

I want to thank everyone who has shown me support through this series, and even though it doesn’t have as many notes as I’d hoped when I first started writing, it’s been good for me. Especially now that I want to write an OC, and we all know how those go. However, I know now how to write for myself and that I’m always going to have someone who supports me. So, if that’s you you haven’t gone unnoticed. I appreciate you so much, and even if you only stick around long enough to leave a like I want you to know I appreciate you, too. :)

Anyways...Onward! This is the bonus I’ve been wanting to write since the very beginning, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It encompasses what this entire series was built off of: angst, frustration, tears, and a good dose of fluff to make up for it. I love you all!<3

Words: 6.6k

Warnings: Angst, tears, sadness, mentions of anxiety...then f l u f f

-Masterlist-

P R O M I S E S - B O N U S T H R E E :

“Mary-Jane Parker, you get back here right now!”

The four-year-old simply giggled from her hiding place in the closet, a large hand sneaking from behind her to cover her mouth. When it served no help in muffling the noise, which only seemed to grow louder at the attempt of being quieted, the hand offered her another one of her favorite cookies. She took it without hesitation, shoving it into her mouth and smearing chocolate on her white shirt.

“Oh, c’mon–did you really have to do that?” the cookie-offerer whispered in distress, attempting to brush away the mess she’d created. “We had a deal, Miss Virginia Parker, and now your mom’s going to kill me and it’ll be all your fault.”

Mary-Jane Virginia Parker smiled a toothy grin, tipping her head back to look at the man behind her. “Sowy Gwanpa Pops,” she said through the mouthful of cookie she still had, her words coming out jumbled and skewed but nevertheless warming the fifty-year-old’s heart.

“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about–how am I supposed to be mad at you when you say stuff like that? Please, please never learn how to pronounce your ‘r’s, because it’s the cutest damn–dang, sorry, and please don’t tell your mom I said that–thing I’ve ever heard.”

The girl giggled again and reached a hand out for the Chips Ahoy! package her grandpa still held. He rolled his eyes but gave her another, this time taking one for himself as well.

“How long aw we gonna hide fwum Mommy?” she asked after chewing and swallowing and grabbing another. Tony knew he was going to get into huge trouble by letting her have so many cookies and agreeing to hide her so she didn’t have to take a nap, but it was Christmas Eve and he just wanted as much time with his granddaughter as possible before the Parkers headed back home to Queens.

So, Tony shrugged. “Until nap time is over, I guess.”

The girl’s eyes widened as if she couldn’t believe it was possible to hide for so long. “But what if Mommy finds us?”

“You’ve played hide-and-go-seek before, right? The tag version?”

She nodded quickly, loving every opportunity she got to show her grandpa how much she knew. “I love that game, Gwandpa Pops! Sophia and Maggie and I play it all the time! I can wun fastah than anyone on the playgwound!”

Tony grinned, a sense of pride filling him even if there was no definite proof that was true. But with half of Peter's DNA in her, it was possible. Though, they wouldn’t know that for sure until she was older. Much older, hopefully. “Good. When your mommy finds us, we’re going to run faster than you ever have on the playground, all right?”

“All wight,” Mary-Jane nodded, now on a mission. “Can I have anothuh cookie pwease?”

Suddenly the closet door was yanked open and light filled the previously dark area. Mary-Jane reacted quicker than any of them could have hoped to themselves (except Peter, of course), snatching the package of cookies from her grandpa before squealing and sprinting through her mother’s legs into the hallway.

“Oh, I see how it is!” Tony shouted after her, now cookie and granddaughter-less. “Take the cookies and leave the old man to die!”

Of course, if the giant grin on his face said anything, he didn’t mean a single word.

There was a sigh and Tony sheepishly looked up, raising his hands in surrender. “Okay, before you say anything, I haven’t seen my granddaughter in, like, a whole month now, so if you want to steal her away from me on Christmas Eve to go take a nap like some wimpy little kid-”

Tony ignored the exasperated, “-she is a little kid, Tony-” from his wife and went on.

“-then maybe you should let her come stay at Grandpa’s more often. I’m just saying.”

While Pepper simply looked frustrated, a guilty look suddenly overtook Y/N’s face. It still didn’t change the fact that Tony was at the mercy of the two scariest women on earth right now, but at least he wasn’t alone. He had Peter, who looked oddly entertained but slightly guilty as well.

“Peter, can you go find our daughter, please?” Y/N said, sighing. “Tell her no nap, but we do have to have a family discussion in the living room.”

“Wait...” Tony said, looking between his wife and daughter-in-law with practiced caution. “Am I in trouble or not? Because on the one hand ‘no nap’ sounds like I won, but the family discussion part sounds like I’m walking to my deathbed.”

“Trust me, old man,” Pepper said with a roll of her eyes as she practically yanked him upright. “If we wanted to kill you, you’d have been dead ages ago.”

It was times like these where Tony was reminded just how terrifying his wife was. “Somehow, I know that’s absolutely true,” he agreed.

Pepper smirked, ushering Y/N to follow along behind them as they made their way to the living room. “Good to know old age hasn’t stolen all of your brains yet.”

Tony was about to protest when Peter and his granddaughter made their appearance, Mary-Jane sitting on her father’s shoulders while each of them chomped down on a cookie.

“Hey, Gwandpa Pops! Daddy wants to give you a cookie too since you only got one.”

Tony grinned and took the package Peter was stretching out to him, his eyes gleaming with mischief. Suddenly he wasn’t so sure about the situation but took the package anyway, looking inside it to find...nothing.

Tony looked up and glared. “You little sh-”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Pepper interrupted, giving Tony a dirty look. Tony winced and plopped down on the couch while Peter and Mary-Jane howled with laughter. Peter only shut up when Y/N gave him a nasty look of her own, which in turn made Tony snicker. Peter gently lowered Mary-Jane down and told her to go play in her room, then sat next to Tony.

“You’re whipped,” Tony whispered low enough so the girls (who were settling down on the couch across from them) couldn’t hear.

“At least I only answer to two women and not three,” Peter shot back, obviously referring to his wife and daughter. Tony chuckled, inconspicuously pointing to Pepper.

“I’ll believe that when I see you tell her no, Parker.”

Peter scowled but didn’t respond.

The mood in the room dropped from humorous to serious way too quickly for Tony’s liking, concern overtaking him when he saw Y/N holding Pepper’s hand and Peter suddenly leaning forward practically radiating anxiety. Although Tony knew there was nothing said that he hadn’t picked up on, he was positive he must’ve missed something that caused the mood in the room to become what it is. He thought about saying something but decided to let Y/N do the talking, which was probably the smartest choice considering his wife’s deadly stare.

“Okay, um…” Y/N looked at Peter, who nodded at her in support. “So, first things first, I guess. Um...well, the good news is that we’re pregnant again. A little girl.”

Tony simultaneously felt joy and dread fill his heart, and from the looks of it, Pepper was experiencing the same thing. This was nothing like the announcement for Mary-Jane, and the growing anxiety made his knee start to incessantly bounce.

“And?” Tony prodded impatiently.

Pepper’s jaw dropped. “Tony,” she hissed, her eyes aflame.

“What are you mad at me for?!” Tony exclaimed. “It was silent and I don’t do well with silence, you know that! And whenever there’s good news there’s bad news and I really don’t want to allow my head more time to dream up worst-case scenarios that keep me up all night! I was simply speeding the process along, that’s all!”

“Pepper, it’s okay,” Y/N assured her with a small smile. “Really. We all know Tony’s a blabbermouth, anyway. Were you really expecting anything else?”

“Hey, since when did it become ‘Gang up on Tony’ day? Because I elect to make it ‘Gang up on Peter’ day instead,” he said, ignoring Peter’s sputtered protests.

“Woah, that’s totally unfair!” he exclaimed. “And it’s so not cool.”

Tony shrugged, leaning back on the couch. “Yeah, well, life’s uncool. Deal with it, kid.”

“But you can’t just do that-”

“Of course, I can. I’m Tony Stark-”

“And I’m your son-”

“The doctor doesn’t know if the baby will make it through the pregnancy.”

The room fell deadly silent after Y/N’s interruption, and the hint of a smile that had started to form on Tony’s face dropped. His heart stopped beating for a minute and his head went blank, completely lost on how to process the information. When he finally snapped back to reality, he saw that Pepper had a hand over her mouth in shock but that her eyes were filled with tears, Y/N was wringing her hands in anticipation, and the boy next to him...well, Peter looked utterly defeated.

“How…” Pepper’s voice shook. “How far along are you?”

“Eighteen weeks,” Y/N answered, looking down at the floor. “We just found out the gender yesterday before we came here. I’ve been on strict bed rest for the past six weeks which is why...well, why we haven’t been here.”

Tony suddenly felt guilty for throwing his granddaughter’s missing presence in their face now. He’d meant it as a joke because he was sure they had their reasons and that they weren’t purposefully keeping her from him, but...he would’ve never guessed that their reason was this.

“Does Mary-Jane know you’re pregnant?” Tony asked, feeling some of his anxiety slip away at Peter’s shake of the head.

“No. We...we didn’t want to tell her yet in case...in case…” The rest of the sentence was never spoken but fell just as heavy upon the room’s occupants as if it were.

After a bit of silence, Y/N spoke up again. “It doesn’t mean that we will lose her, it’s just...it’s just not highly likely that we won’t.” At that she started to cry, no longer able to hold back her trembling jaw and dam in her eyes. Pepper immediately brought her into her arms, and Tony was about to make his way over as well when Peter suddenly jumped up and ran down the hall. He debated for a moment where to go and who to comfort, because it was plainly obvious Y/N needed all the support she could get right now and that meant that Peter probably did too, but he also wasn’t sure if Peter’s running off meant he wanted to be alone. Lucky for him, Pepper opened her eyes to see his turmoil and nodded her chin toward where Peter had gone. Following his wife’s instructions, because her instincts were always right, he shot up, placed a kiss on Y/N’s head, then went off to chase Peter down.

“Pete?” he called out after searching for him for what felt like ages. And, yes, he could’ve just asked FRIDAY, but this time he preferred to find him himself. “Peter, bud, where are you?” Tony didn’t get a direct answer, but he did see a certain room light on without any noise to accompany the sign of life inside. He took a breath before opening up the door.

Bright pink walls and a littered room floor filled his view, Barbies and stuffed animals and storybooks scattered all over the place like an intricate booby trap. Luckily there weren’t any Legos within the mess; he’d stepped on enough of Peter’s to last a lifetime. And, in the midst of it all, he saw the boy he’d been looking for.

Tony quietly lowered himself to the ground next to Peter, careful not to disturb the sleeping girl in front of him.

“She’s always needed her afternoon nap,” Peter said, his eyes not looking away from his daughter. Tony smiled at the Spider-Man toy she held as she slept, curled into a ball that made her look ten times smaller than she already was. “One time when she was two, she got so grumpy with us for not making her take a nap that she just laid down on the floor and took matters into her own hands. Slept hard as a rock,” he chuckled.

“And now here we are,” Tony said with a grin, not doubting for a second that the story wasn’t true. Mary-Jane Virginia Parker had been stubbornly independent since the day she was born, each passing day growing into a stronger leader than she was the day before.

“Here we are,” Peter agreed, a smile on his face. “Seven hundred and thirty days later and we’re in the exact same position.”

They both were quiet for a while, Peter eventually reaching out to brush Mary-Jane’s curly brown hair out of her face. It seemed that touching her was all it took for him to break, as his entire body immediately began to shake.

Tony didn’t dare touch Peter for fear he’d really start to cry and the four-year-old would wake up to the scene. “Let me get her into bed and I’ll meet you down in the lab, okay, Pete?”

Peter nodded and quickly stepped out of the room without a single comment; Tony thought it would be harder to get him to leave but, then again, Peter probably hadn’t wanted to wake Mary-Jane and cause her to ask questions they couldn’t answer about why her dad was crying.

Tony’s knees popped and his back protested as he picked up the little girl and carried her to her bed, tucking her in and giving her a kiss. He took a moment just to look and take her in—his only granddaughter and the only person he could love more than anyone else in the world. And now he was supposed to get two—two beautiful baby girls—and so was Peter and so was Y/N and so was Mary-Jane, but now it was possible she’d be taken away from them before they could get to know her and it wasn’t fair.

But looking at Peter and Y/N and how strong their first daughter turned out to be, he hoped—he knew—that that baby girl was going to live. She was going to defeat every odd in the book and come out stronger than anyone could have hoped; she was going to be the biggest miracle they’d ever experienced because there was no other option.

She was going to live. She had to.

Tony eventually made his way to the lab, feeling both hesitant and eager to get to his kid as quickly as possible. He wasn’t sure he would have the right words to say, but he could try.

He’d lost too much in his life, and fate be damned if it was going to try to take that baby girl away from him too.

When he got down to the lab, he half expected to see Peter sobbing in a corner somewhere he couldn’t easily be seen. However, it wasn’t what he got. Instead, he got what looked like a lifeless Peter sat on a workbench with head in hands, his body absolutely still. Tony carefully approached him, not sure what to do. He received no reaction as he got closer, leading him to perch himself on the seat beside his unusually quiet kid. Tony didn’t know if he was supposed to break the silence or not, but luckily he didn’t have to wonder long.

“Hey.”

Tony winced at the sound of his voice, raw and ruined. Maybe he’d stayed in the room with Mary-Jane longer than he thought he did–long enough, at least, for Peter to cry until his lungs gave out.

He lifted his hand and dropped it onto Peter’s shoulder, choosing to go with silent acknowledgment rather than verbal. Apparently that was all Peter needed to break down again, as his voice dropped to a whisper and he brokenly sobbed, “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, Dad. I can’t-I can’t lose one of her. I can’t lose her, Dad, I can’t.”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out who Peter was referring to, and normally Tony would have made some sort of quip about his ingenuity, but now all he did was reach over and wrap his kid up in his arms. Peter laid his head on his shoulder, and his hands shook as he clutched onto Tony’s AC/DC shirt. Tony couldn’t help it when tears pricked his eyes and a lump formed in his throat; seeing Peter like this–so broken, so afraid, so helpless–hurt more than he ever imagined it could. And Tony was afraid too, because that was his granddaughter and his kid and his daughter-in-law the world was messing with, but he had to be strong now. If not for Peter and Y/N, then for himself.

“You won’t,” Tony said, his voice firm but quiet. “You won’t lose her.”

Peter didn’t respond at first. “How do you know that?”

“Because I’m a genius,” Tony automatically quipped and immediately regretted it when he felt Peter stiffen. “Sorry, sorry–not the time for my not-so-genius wit, I know.” He took a deep breath. “Look, Pete, I know it seems like this is the end of the world for you, but let me tell you something: That baby you’re mourning right now? She’s still alive. Her heart is still beating and her brain is still thinking, yet you’re acting like she’s already gone. She’s alive, Peter. She’s alive, and she’s yours, and she needs every ounce of love and encouragement she can get so she can grow.”

“She’s not a plant, Dad,” Peter mumbled, voice muffled by Tony’s shirt.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Hear me out, okay? Yeah, maybe she’s small right now or the doctor is expecting some sort of health issues, but even if she was born a little small or with six toes, you’d still love her, right? And you better say yes, because if you don’t this whole plan I had laid out in my head just went to shit.”

Peter smiled–just a little bit–and Tony felt accomplished.

“Of course I would. I do.”

“Then what are you doing sitting here crying for her?” Tony asked seriously, pulling Peter off his shoulder and looking him straight in the eye. He was simultaneously going for tough love and compassion, making his next few sentences come out assertive yet soft. “You love her, so act like it. Look–if Mary-Jane told you she wanted to play on the soccer team but was horrifyingly bad at it, you wouldn’t stomp on her dreams, would you? You’d encourage her, Pete; you’d cheer her on, no matter what. Mary-Jane is strong and brilliant and braver than I ever could be–what do you think makes this little girl any different?”

It was silent for a long time as Peter simply stared at Tony with eyes full of unshed tears. Then he started to smile–a watery smile but one nonetheless.

“She is brilliant, isn’t she?” he tearily laughed.

“Of course she is,” Tony said. “I’m her grandpa.”

Peter smirked. “Grandpa Pops.”

Tony playfully glared as he pulled Peter back in for a half hug, half noogie. “Get over here, you little twit.”

—

The call came in the middle of the night at approximately 2:33am, disturbing Tony’s and Pepper’s rest alike (though Tony had only been asleep for an hour now). Pepper stumbled out of bed to grab the phone–whether it was his phone or his wife’s he didn’t know. He was expecting her to simply decline the call and take care of whichever important business person forgot time zones were something that existed in the morning, but she instead of picked it up with a too loud, “Hello?”

Tony groaned and grumpily mumbled, “Who the hell-” but was interrupted by the ‘zip it’ motion given by his wife. He turned over and put a pillow over his head, grumbling to himself and fully planning to murder whoever was calling at 2:33 in the morning. That was until he heard the next words from his wife’s mouth.

“Right now? She’s in labor right now?!”

Suddenly Tony was more awake, moving the pillow off his head and shooting upright. He looked at Pepper to hopefully get some answers, but all he got was a frantic waving toward the closet. Luckily Tony picked up on it and threw the sheets off of him, nearly tripping over his own feet as he picked out clothes for the hospital.

“Peter–Peter calm down, okay, hun? Take a breath–Peter, slow down!”

Tony’s heart clenched and he finished slipping on his chosen AC/DC shirt (he still couldn’t believe that the kid mistook them for Led Zeppelin) only to leave his pants behind as he rushed to Pepper. She was still trying to get Peter to calm down–unsuccessfully, it sounded like–but before she could say anything further Tony impatiently stuck his hand out and said, “Give me the phone, Pep.”

She looked relieved, not even bothering to tell Peter she was handing over the phone before depositing it into Tony’s hand and going to get dressed herself.

As Tony put the phone to his ear, he immediately heard the ramble the kid was in the middle of, panicked and breathless. He didn’t waste any time in reacting. “Peter? Pete, it’s me, kid. Breathe. I mean it, Underoos. Breathe. Breathe, and then we can talk, okay? I’m not talking to you until you pause for a minute and breathe.”

The rambling died almost immediately, replaced by gasps for air that were partially caused by not breathing for a good minute and a half and partially by the anxiety Tony was sure was coursing through the kid. Tony let the silence go on for a few more seconds before speaking again. “Okay, kid, that’s a good start. Now, when you’re ready to tell me what’s going on, I’m listening.”

Surprisingly, Peter took a few more breaths before beginning to explain. “It’s Y/N–she’s in labor right now. We just got to the hospital and the doctors are getting everything ready and oh my go-”

“Breathe, Pete. Remember?”

He took in a choked breath. “Yeah–right. Right.”

Tony waited a moment or two, contemplating on where to lead the conversation. “What’s up, kid? Are you all right? Is Y/N all right?”

“I don’t–I mean, yeah, Y/N’s fine, I’m fine, but like–what if it’s not, Mr. Stark? What if it goes wrong and something happens?”

“Listen to me, Peter,” Tony said seriously. “Everything is going to be okay. Remember almost five months ago when you didn’t know if you’d even make it to today? Well, today is here, Peter, and it’s waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and pull yourself together to go be with your wife and soon-to-be daughter. You got that? I know anxiety can be a pain in the ass, but you cannot let it win this time, okay, bud? There’s too many people who need you in that room right now, your unborn daughter being one of them. So know that Pep and I will be there, but you’ve got somewhere to be right now, and it is not in the hospital waiting room. You go there after little Anthony is born, okay?”

That managed to get a small laugh out of Peter, and Tony smiled in relief. “We’re not naming her Anthony, Mr. Stark; we’ve been over this.”

“Sorry Pete, you’re cutting out and I totally did not hear what you just said. But we’ll be there soon to meet little Miss Anthony Junior,” Tony joked as he sat on the bed and worked on putting on the pair of pants that Pepper handed to him; she was rolling her eyes and shaking her head at where their conversation had turned back to, but she had a smile on her face which told him she wasn’t truly annoyed. Besides, it had only ever been a joke; there was no way Tony would let them really name their daughter Anthony, which was why he found it so humorous when he entertained it.

Peter laughed again, then went quiet. Tony frowned. Just as he was about to check the phone to see if the call had dropped somehow, Peter spoke up. “Thank you, Dad.”

Tony genuinely smiled and finished putting his sweatpants on as he replied, “Anytime, Pete.”

The call ended.

—

The waiting room ended being pretty empty when they got there. Tony guessed it had something to do with the fact that it was three in the morning, but he knew for a fact that nothing good happened after midnight (nonetheless on a Friday night) so he was pleasantly surprised when he found that the only people he had to share a waiting room with was Pepper, May, Mary-Jane (who was sleeping on May’s lap when they arrived), Rhodey, Happy, and one night shift nurse who seemed close to falling asleep at the lack of patients. Rhodey and Happy had shown up a couple hours later at a more respectable hour, but only because Tony hadn’t called them until then.

They all took turns dozing off, making sure at least one of them was awake in case Peter would make an appearance. So far it had been radio silence, which was either really good or really bad, but no one but Tony seemed overly anxious about that so he forced himself to relax. He took Mary-Jane from May when she excused herself to the bathroom and went on a coffee run at about seven o’clock, knowing that at this point no one was going to be sleeping anymore; it had been close to four and a half hours now, so in about an hour they could start taking bets on when the next Parker would show up. Of course, there were no guarantees it would even happen until late afternoon, but he knew no one would bet that in order to avoid jinxing it. They were all eager, and hearing absolutely nothing for almost five hours was hard for all of them.

The waiting room started to fill up as time went on, but for a Saturday morning it wasn’t too bad. The poor night shift nurse left at seven o’clock, and May winced in empathy when she tripped over her feet trying to get to the time clock.

It was approximately seven-thirty when they started taking bets: May with her best guess being 9:30, Pepper with an optimistic 8:15, Rhodey with a strangely specific 9:52, Happy with a not-so-optimistic 11:45, Mary-Jane with a wild guess of 13:13 not knowing what exactly they were all talking about but wanting to participate anyway, and Tony with a guess he never got to speak because a familiar, more exhausted version of Peter Parker showed up. No one seemed to notice but him yet, so at Tony’s questioning look and Peter’s nod of his head, he wore a smile as he spoke past his throat suddenly closing up, “Seven thirty-seven?”

All heads snapped to the doorway now and May was the first to react, jumping up and rushing to her nephew to give him a hug. Peter closed his eyes and accepted the action, practically sinking into her arms. Mary-Jane went next, shouting an excited, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!”

Soon the entire room followed, laughing and smiling through happy tears, and Tony had never seen Happy cry before, but now he was and he would hold it against him forever if not for the fact that he was crying too. All of those months endlessly stressing and worrying over Y/N and baby, praying that they would simply make it to tomorrow, finally could fade away. And the relief that resulted from that was enough to make tears arise in even the most emotionless man’s eyes.

“Not that I’m saying I don’t appreciate the hugs, but I think there’s some others who would like to see you as well,” Peter’s voice spoke, and suddenly everyone was stepping back and looking to him expectantly. He ran a tired hand down his face, accepting the coffee May handed him with a grateful smile. “There can only be two of you back there at one time for right now, excluding Mary-Jane. Everyone’s fine, but Momma and babies are exhausted and can’t handle everyone’s excitement all at one time.”

Only silence followed his statement, the only one not seeming to pick up on the heaviness of what Peter just said being the recently turned five-year-old currently clinging to her dad’s neck. Peter attempted a sly smirk, but it only came out as a half-smile.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, still staring. “Did you just say babies? As in plural? As in babies, not baby?”

Peter’s smile grew slightly. “Oh, yeah–fun fact: Did you know it’s possible for an entire baby not to show up on a single ultrasound? Because I sure didn’t. Seems kind of ridiculous, right? But I guess that’s Parker luck for you. Leave it to us to beat the impossible; first becoming half-spider, then being discovered and mentored by the Tony Stark, somehow managing to get a girl way out of my league, then having a baby we weren’t even supposed to have, let alone two of them.”

May let out a breathy laugh and lifted a hand to her mouth to keep her cries muffled. Pepper did much the same, laughing as tears shone in her eyes. Rhodey simply laughed and clapped him on the back while Happy grinned and rested a hand on May’s shoulder. Tony still stood there, seemingly speechless, until Peter turned to him for a reaction.

“How do you miss a whole ass baby?”

Pepper gasped and hit him across the arm but he paid no attention to her, only staring at Peter as he threw his head back and laughed and May put her hands over Mary-Jane’s ears. Tony finally started to break out into a grin since the new announcement, itching to get his hands on his two new granddaughters.

When Peter finally settled down, his extended laughter probably due to sleep deprivation and complete and utter exhaustion, he held Mary-Jane closer to him and placed a kiss on her head before turning his gaze to Tony and May. He softly smiled, his eyes tired but never so alight with happiness. “Did you want to meet them?”

“Do you even have to ask?” May responded, using a tissue to dab at her eyes. Peter looked at Tony now, raising a brow inquisitively. He rolled his eyes, sniffing in an attempt to hide his previous tears (though he was sure there was no use, proven by Rhodey’s quiet snicker at the action).

“What Aunt Hottie said, kid.”

Peter nodded and turned to everyone else sympathetically. “I promise you’ll get to meet them soon. I just...we just feel like May and Tony should be the first considering…” He trailed off, his eyes begging them to understand.

Pepper stepped forward and kissed the boy on the cheek, smiling comfortingly at him. “Don’t worry about it, Peter. We understand, I promise.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rhodey said with a smirk. “Letting the proud parents go first and everything–it’s tradition.”

Tony rolled his eyes at his friend and shoved him half-heartedly back toward the waiting room but didn’t attempt to deny it. After all, Peter was his son and Y/N was practically a daughter, and he knew May felt the same.

As Peter led them back to the room, Mary-Jane participated in making funny faces from her place in her father’s arms, facing her Grandpa Pops and Grandma May and currently competing with them both to see who could make the goofiest face. Peter looked behind him at one point to see Tony’s attempt and burst into laughter, May hurriedly telling him to shush (as though she wasn’t laughing) before they woke up the babies. And considering they were right outside the door, it was probably a valid concern. Not one that stopped Mary-Jane, however, from squirming out of her father’s arms and opening the door himself, running into the room and yelling, “Mommy!”

Peter cursed and quickly followed, grabbing her just in time to keep her from jumping onto Y/N. Y/N looked at her husband gratefully and relieved before smiling at her daughter and gesturing for Peter to lay her down beside her.

“Hey, baby,” she greeted, combing her fingers through her hair. “Did you have a fun time with your grandparents and uncles?”

Mary-Jane nodded and snuggled into her mother’s side, closing her eyes with a yawn. “We played lots of games and I won them all.”

Y/N now turned her gaze to Tony and May, who were standing in the door still, transfixed as they watched Peter walk to the other side of the room to carefully scoop up a tiny, sleeping baby with a pink hat. She smiled at them, her eyes even darker than Peter’s, and said, “Who would’ve thought that all this time we were worrying for just one baby Parker, we were actually worrying for two?”

May laughed and finally stepped inside, going over to her daughter-in-law and giving her a gentle hug. “You did good, sweetheart.”

“May?” Peter interrupted quietly. When she turned around, he nodded his head toward the bundle in his arms and asked, “Do you want to hold her?”

May hurriedly nodded and stepped back, sitting on one of three chairs beside the bed. Tears reappeared in her eyes as Peter lowered the baby girl down into her arms and she choked on them as she whispered, “She’s so beautiful.”

Peter smiled and lowered himself beside her, staring lovingly at his aunt and newborn daughter. “She is, isn’t she?”

May only laughed and ran a gentle finger down the girl’s cheek. “Oh, Peter. She’s perfect.”

Tony blinked and fell out of his stupor, stupidly stumbling forward until he could peer around May’s shoulder at the tiny bundle of joy. He didn’t have to stare for more than a tenth of a second to decide that she was, indeed, perfect. He smiled, biting the inside of his cheek to fight the tears wanting to flood his eyes.

“What’s her name, Underoos?”

Peter looked at May with a loving grin. “We thought Bailee May sounded pretty good to us, if it sounds good to you.”

May snapped her head around to look at both her nephew and his wife, her lip trembling. “You...you’re serious?”

Y/N spoke up, her eyes drooping but her mind still conscious enough to respond. “Never been more serious.”

May choked on a sob, reaching an arm to Peter to pull him into an awkward yet suffocating embrace. “Of course. Of course, it sounds good to me, you guys.”

When Peter pulled away he stood, nodding at his seat while he looked at Tony, obviously wanting him to sit. Tony obeyed but couldn’t ignore the wide grin spreading on Y/N’s face as Peter went to get Baby Girl Number Two.

There was only one problem.

When Peter lifted Baby Girl Number Two out of the cradle, it was, in fact, not a baby girl at all. A blue hat adorned this baby’s head, along with a little blue blanket, and Tony wondered why he thought that both of them had to be girls, but he didn’t care.

“That’s not a girl,” he managed to say as Peter handed the baby over to him. He took the third chair beside him, leaning over to tuck his beanie back over his ear.

“No, I’d say not,” Peter laughed, Y/N chuckling as well. It was only then that Tony realized Mary-Jane had been unusually quiet, chancing a glance over to see her fast asleep against her mother’s shoulder. He smiled, and looked back down at the other sleeping Parker he held in his arms. It was silent for awhile as the room’s occupants admired the view, and for once Tony was completely content with the quiet.

A tiny noise escaped the equally tiny lips of his only grandson (his favorite grandson, now), and his little fists clenched and unclenched as he sleepily wiggled around. Without a second thought, Tony gently reached for his hand and stroked the back of it.

“What’s his name, Pete?” May whispered, Tony just barely picking up the question as his attention was focused solely on his grandson.

“Benjamin,” Peter answered, looking at his aunt with a sad but content smile. “I think he would’ve liked that.”

May bowed her head with a matching smile, nodding ever so slightly. “I know he would’ve liked that.”

“His full name is Benjamin Anthony,” Y/N spoke, sensing that Peter was too lost in thought to finish and May was too deep into her emotions to recognize that Peter hadn’t fully answered her question. But Tony was listening. “Benjamin Anthony Parker.” He froze, staring at his daughter-in-law with wide eyes. She simply smiled and nodded once in his direction. “No, we weren’t going to name our baby girl Anthony, so when we got a boy...well, that was really a no-brainer.”

Tony stared for a few more seconds at a clearly amused Y/N before turning to Peter. Peter was wearing the same look. The only thing he had to offer was, “Dad, meet your namesake. Benjamin Anthony, meet your grandpa.”

Another noise escaped the boy’s tiny mouth as if in acknowledgment, causing Tony to look back at him. Suddenly the weight he felt in his arms wasn’t only physical weight but the weight of his love. And as he looked around the room at his ever-growing family, that weight only grew heavier. But he welcomed it, the weight warm and pleasant and filling his heart with light.

Tears pricked his eyes and he turned back to the bundle he was holding, sniffing as he murmured, “Hey there, Ben. Guess you’re our little miracle. I think you and I are going to have a lot of fun times together, but just remember to admit nothing and deny everything.” Ben started wiggling again, uncontent with his inability to move even while asleep, causing Tony to chuckle. “Your chance of not having ADHD was already screwed with your dad’s genes, but with me in your name it’s practically a double whammy and I can’t even say I’m sorry about that right now. God, the world doesn’t stand a chance, does it?”

Ben made a noise again, and Tony would’ve commented on it had it not been followed by the opening of his eyes. He was speechless, mesmerized by the baby blues that he knew would turn brown like his sister’s when he got older. But they were absolutely perfect now, as were the little fingers now wrapping around one of Tony’s own. The tears that were swimming in his eyes fell, and he didn’t even try to hold them back. He smiled wider and with more love than he had in a long time, leaning closer and whispering, “Let me tell you something, Ben: you’re my whole world–you and your sisters and your mom and dad and grandma. And I promise that I won’t let you go a single day without feeling loved, because I love you so much, buddy. I promise I’ll never stop loving you–not for a month, or a day, or even a single second.”

Ben’s eyes fluttered back closed and he fell back into sleep, but his fist refused to let go of its grip on Tony’s finger. Tony closed his own eyes and gently touched his head to Ben’s, being careful not to let any tears drip on his face.

“I promise,” he whispered. “I promise.”

—

Promises Tag List: @mintaeroandmerlin @thehollandfam @trumpettay @ganggangganggg @secretagentben @rayanismybae* @yellowkenyon97 @casuallytumblingdownthestairs @shewhoshallnotswear @slytherpuffyy @mutuallynotmutual* @the-kylialovesyou @babebenhardy @lilbeatlebear @obsessive-fangirl44

Permanent Tag List: @lemirabitur @my-meant-to-find-blog @jongindeepbreath @tomspideyweb@farfromjustordinary @tomsstarlight @delicately-written @catstielanddeanthedog @tom-holland-and-textposts @spiderman-n @wtfholland @hollandandi @starsholland @celestialparker @beautiful-holland @spideycentral-1 @laurfangirl424 @dahliaspidey @casuallytumblingdownthestairs @smexylemony @antifaspiderman @trashqueenbitch @fireboltrose7559 @propertyofmarvel @perhaps-he-schnapped @ofserien @mariemrose @toxic-pineapple @chewymoustachio @captainstartights

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blushbot · 4 years

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owo ocs u say? have u got a lot? Just a few? Would you give a brief rundown of your favs? I like other people's ocs.

TRIPS OVER MYSELF TO ANSWER THIS

I have...like.......I wanna say like 8 main ocs right now, related to my would-be comic A Thorn Stood Between (usually abbreviated to ATSB) and like of those 5 that I really focus in on as my faves.

My current icon is (very old) art of one of them! His name is Gautier he’s a 516 year old vampire, he’s genderfluid (more masculine than anything else but there is wiggle room in there...) and he was born in Paris. He’s a bastard BUt he loves his family. All of them. The whole family tree. Even the ones who don’t accept the gift of vampirism. He’s telepathic and can fuck with peoples dreams also. He was turned by another of my ocs, an ancient Roman vampire who currently goes by the name Aurelio (it was originally Aurelius!) and they were lovers for uh... maybe a century before Aurelio had to go to Egypt for a currently indeterminate amount of time (this part of his backstory is barely fleshed out right now sorry) and didn’t leave any indication of why he had to leave and never sent any letters back to Rome or anything... Once he came home, no worse for wear, gautier got pissed because he figured Rello was dead and he stormed out, never to be seen again.

Aurelio is in his 2000s... he’s forgotten his exact birthdate so for simplicity’s sake he always says he’s 2000 and that his birthday is on January first. He’s demiromantic/pansexual, he kinda sorta has depression, and he’s a writer! He’s got his work published under many different names spanning... his whole life pretty much. He can also turn stuff into gold. I like to call it a selective Midas touch. I have the idea of him being a Roman emperor who faked his own death to not get assassinated for real rattling around in my head but idk if I want that to actually be canon.

My main character and current favorite boy is named Benji. He’s a piece of shit stoner who self medicates with weed for his anxiety and ADHD because he refuses to take his actual meds. He also kind of gets murdery if he doesn’t smoke weed because he’s only been a vampire for about 100 years. Gautier turned him when he was just 25 because Benji had watched his then-lover, Lance, die in some sort of work related accident, while he was in New York to go to school. He went back home to Montreal, gautier saw the state he was in, and... Benji was afraid of dying so he accepted gau’s “gift.” He almost went blind the first night he was a vampire because he stayed outside at sunrise and looked at the sun and now he has to wear glasses forever. In like the 50’s he reached the murdery phase that all young vampires go through and somehow got himself a wife at the same time? Who he got pregnant? But then he tried Drugs for the first time and it fucked with his head and he almost killed his wife but he decided to just leave instead because he was like actually lucid for once and realized he was a menace to society. He ended up living in a hippie commune for a while, got into punk subculture in like the 80s, dated another character, Desdemona, in the 90s until she cheated on him. A few years before ATSB starts a vampire hunter shows up in Montreal and almost kills him so he flees to the city he and Desdemona lived in, Theodore, hoping that she still lived there in the same apartment. She did and she let him live there! But Desdemona has a dickhead boyfriend named Luca who happens to be an alpha werewolf and he and benji do not get along but it’s fine. Really. Benji was really uncomfortable sleeping on their couch at first but he got over it. Until he crashed his car. Despite that he kept putting off finding his own place. He did manage to find himself a boyfriend though! Another main character and best boy, in fact :]

Zeb is a big buff himbo and he’s GAY and TRANS because I like to project. Zeb is an ex-Catholic satanist and part of him and Benji bonding at first was Zeb telling benji about how he beat up a nun and got expelled from catholic school when he was like 13. ...truth be told, the two met on Grindr and were SUPPOSED to just hook up but. Benji fell in love with Zeb immediately upon laying eyes on him (plus Zeb kind of looks like lance...) and insisted they go on a date instead. Zeb agreed and now 2.5 years later at the beginning of ATSB they are living together and in wuv. Zeb has a Pomeranian named princess and if anything were to happen to her he would kill everyone in the room and then himself. Princess is very small. Zeb can hold her with one hand. That makes him cry sometimes but unless you’re benji or his best friend Monica he will End you if you ever see him crying. He has a shitty mom and doesn’t like to talk about it. Zeb is a mechanic and works for his dad’s rival, which is the only thing his dad is unsupportive of. He has an older brother named Ray who lives in like Seattle or something whom he hasn’t seen in person for a while and he kind of dreads Ray eventually visiting because Ray is a vegan and zeb doesn’t know how to feed a vegan. Zeb really likes muscle cars and motorcycles and benji fucking bought him a vintage muscle car for his birthday or something one year because benji doesn’t have a good grasp on the value of money and zeb cried.

The last of the main 5 is Wiley...he’s the very oldest of my current ocs out of universe but the youngest in universe. He’s a 23 year old and he still lives with his parents on their family’s farm. He’s a werewolf BUT NOT THE SAME KIND AS LUCA. He’s a beta which I assure you isn’t related to a/b/o please believe me please. (I can explain the difference if you want) he’s a good ol country boy from the south but he’s actually good I mean that genuinely. He’s gay because I can’t resist having exclusively mlm in my main cast. He is just a simple farmer with self esteem issues. He was kind of a dickhead in middle school and to overcompensate for that he’s overly nice to everyone he meets. Part of why he acted a fool is because he hadn’t come to terms with being gay yet, part of is it because his folks moved up to Theodore, NY (as far as I know that isn’t the name of a real place. That’s a fictional city that I made up to be the setting if that’s the name of a real place I’m gonna die) because that’s where his grandpappy went to retire and Wiley’s dad, Baxter, wanted to be with his pa when he died. And Wiley wasn’t really able to properly process all of that when he was like 13. So he acted out... he and benji are best friends nowadays and benji and his younger brother, Grayson, are the only people he can really be rude to. He just can’t do it. He sells his family’s produce at a local farmers market every Saturday.

I’d talk about desdemona, Luca, and Monica a bit more but I’ve written a damn novel already Jesus Christ. I have a toyhouse if you wanna take a look there though!!! A lot of pages are kind of outdated and only four characters have proper profiles (gau, Aurelio, benji, And Zeb. I’m sorry Wiley) but you can at least see what my guys look like on there!

#anonymous #i seriously did not mean to write this much BGNHMFH #oc stuff #long post

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lupihero · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

tagged by: @bxstiae thank u!! tagging: anyone who wants to do this ♡

fill out & repost ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au ( has au verses ) / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO / MAYBE.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO / MAYBE.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon? — pretty strictly. tbh i think i could do with a little more canon-divergence but i usually focus pretty hard on canon and diverging too far in my own muses, unless they were poorly written, tends to bother me.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — need a sweet country boy with a heart of gold who loves hard and fast and considers everyone he loves as part of his family ? how about a boy that can kick your ass to the sacred realm and back with his bare hands and a dizzying amount of strength ? how about a big friendly wolf that really doesn’t act all that much like a wolf but is big and soft and a really nice companion ? a boy that carries on and sees the best in people despite his trauma ? a boy who’s an absolute fucking dork and loses his mind whenever he sees a cat ? will smith poses @ link

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — he’s the protagonist, he’s too nice, too likable, and he might be, from some perspectives, super overpowered. a lot of his flaws are issues that come with a lot of protagonist characters, like selflessness to a fault, recklessness, a desire to help no matter the cost, etc., and it might come across as overdone or unoriginal for someone like him.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — twipri has been my favorite video game of all time since i first played it the xmas after it came out, when i was 7. it was an unbelievably huge influence on my life, and got me through a whole lot of shit i’d have to go through up until i was a teenager. it was a constant for me, a comfort. and link, being the protagonist, was of course the center of it. i connected to him really hard, and becoming him whenever i played the game was like magic to me as a kid. honestly, i dont know why i didnt write him until this year, because he’s been such an easy headspace for me to slip into for years. ig i just figured it was about time? id already written both tp zel and midna at separate points, so it was only right to complete the trio ksjfgh

What keeps your inspiration going? — the game itself, its soundtrack, art, linked universe and its little fandom, and you guys! just seeing all of your posts and your passion for loz and its characters helps fuel the love i have for it too!

Some more personal questions for the mun.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( i have. built up a lot of hcs about this boy over the years )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. ( i usually do write drabbles every now and then, idk why i haven’t for link yet )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO. ( hmm i mean. i think i am, anyway?? i like the way i portray him, but i guess im sorta insecure about whether or not yall like my portrayal lmao )

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. ( more or less, it depends on the day. back when i was a Gifted Kid my Gift was writing, and i was literally always chosen to read things i wrote aloud at school assemblies and things, so i. very much have a love / hate relationship w it )

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. ( i mean. i try really hard not to be but :’^) )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — tbh, i don’t know?? i usually do with other muses, but bc twi is very special to me i have literally no idea how well i would take it. of course, if u do have criticism ( of the constructive sort, of course ), i still welcome it

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — yes!!! if you ever have anything you wanna know about twi and the way i write him, please ask!!!

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — nope. unless it’s in the context of sharing hcs back and forth and building on each other or part of a friendly conversation, i don’t want to hear why you think i’m wrong. i still think about that personal that rb’d a hc i made a month or so ago and put in the tags all the reasons they disagreed w me and i wish i didn’t bc i hate it

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — i?? dunno??? i guess i’d just tell them to unfollow. i’m not here to write link the way you think he should be written, i’m here to write him the way i want to.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — hkljfg does anyone hate link??? like. he’s link. he’s neutral at worst. but it’s not my business if someone hates him, so to each their own ig

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — mm i don’t mind it, but i don’t really see the point. rp is a form of writing that doesn’t need much editing, and when it does, we are our own editors, so of course we’re going to make mistakes and overlook them. english is a complicated and hard language, and typos/misspellings/grammar errors happen and it’s not a big deal

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — yes!! i’m a very laid-back person in general i think, and of course i have things i won’t tolerate and i’ll speak up when i need to, but at the end of the day rp is a hobby, and it’s something we do to have fun, and i know that having fun is the most important part of doing this. though, sometimes i think my anxiety & fear of confrontation might make me a little too lenient on things like my own rules tho kjfhg

that’s about it, congrats for filling out!

#okaY sorry for all the ooc again today!! i feel like drawing so i think im gonna doodle some tonight but #if anyone wants to talk u can ask for my discord or pop into my ims!!#⸢ OUT. ⸥ i’m actually a cat person.#dash games tbt.

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hellreads · 5 years

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For anyone who saw this, i urge u to read Right of Way. Okay io, my heart. First, as a jk stan, i feel like a several punches hit me from every direction. I'm the kind of reader who easily immersed into the character especially w the pronoun 'you' i feel like someone is reading me a story of my life, so yes i am bawling, usually it took me a few fluff or smut fic to simmer down the emotion but not this one. I went to bed with swollen eyes. I couldn't read a shit after that.

I will put all my answers under the cut because this is RoW and my emotions for this fic has no end T_T | 🍒

❤️ Rara | 🍒 Io (I decided to answer it as if we’re just chatting and not hurting rip our weak hearts for RoW Jimin, Jungkook, and OC)

[AN EXCHANGE FULL OF SPOILERS]

❤️ : For anyone who saw this, I urge u to read Right of Way. Okay io, my heart. First, as a jk stan, i feel like a several punches hit me from every direction. I’m the kind of reader who easily immersed into the character especially w the pronoun ‘you’ i feel like someone is reading me a story of my life, so yes i am bawling, usually it took me a few fluff or smut fic to simmer down the emotion but not this one. I went to bed with swollen eyes. I couldn’t read a shit after that.

🍒 : Rara, I feel you!!! I am the type of reader who hardcore immerses herself even if the main character gets killed or is a ghost because the best way for me to relate and feel everything to the core is to immerse, I can never read something as an outsider, okay maybe there’s a few I started out as an outsider but eventually caved in (even named OC fics lol, it’s fun to be someone else), sorry to break it to you but NO FIC CAN EVER HEAL THE DAMAGE RIGHT OF WAY HAS DONE TO YOU, NO FIC CAN MAKE YOU FORGET OF THE EVENTS, THE MISTAKES, THE REGRETS, THE PENANCE, THE ACCEPTANCE, THE WEIGHT THIS FIC WILL HAVE ON YOU IS TOO HEAVY YOU NEED A SUPPORT/SUFFER GROUP.

ONCE YOU READ RoW YOUR HEART WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

❤️ : RoW jk is childish, to me. But maybe he is just naive or confused. For him to fall for oc but still care about sohee is kind of dick move to me, but someone once told me “we cannot choose who fall in love with, and we certainly cannot choose how it will happen either”. That’s their fates. I’m pretty satisfied w the ending bcs there’s no bad person in this story, just bad decisions. What saddens me is, it seems like only OC who pays the price.

🍒 : That is true that he seems like a childish one but isn’t that the beauty of being a child? loving without limits, with all your heart? no hesitations, just trusting that love will be kind, good, untainted even, he saw something in OC that’s why he opened up himself to her and fell for her even if we cannot fully understand the set-up they agreed to have, I hated him for staying with Sohee, I could never understand that part but then again have you seen how feral Sohee was for Jungkook? the girl would kill for the boy, she snaked her way to get him and she’d do anything for history to not repeat itself, but the gods said fuck you Sohee we’ll let the boy stray, he cheated once, he’ll cheat again, what makes you think you’re special hun? you’re right nobody is a bad person here since they’re all humans, something led them to commit the sins they’ve done in this lifetime…

Sohee’s Fault was stealing Jungkook from Seulgi, she was head over heels for him she didn’t think twice, she just wanted to get him at all costs even if it means karma will find her sooner or later, she lusted after him and eventually loved him so there’s no way she was letting go, hence, she carefully planned everything so she gets pregnant with his baby, sick right? but the reality is she’s not the only one who did this thing to their partner, she just didn’t fucking care as long as she keeps Jungkook.

Jimin’s Fault was trusting and loving OC too much he shrugged every sign of her infidelity under the rug, what a libra thing to do Jimin (I am a Libra and I can attest to this Libra trait especially when in love) he was too blinded by love that he gave her every benefit of the doubt whenever she skips dates, goes home late, always tired, even asking to be fucked dog style, sigh, he lost the love of his life to his best friend (well he lost his loves twice to the same boy) she was nothing but an empty shell pre-programmed to respond to him like a lover would and that fucking hurt, I think among the four characters here he received the most damage cluelessly, what a poor loving soul, my heart shattered for him, he only wanted to give her the world but she decided to run to a different planet.

Jungkook’s Fault was being weak and not opening himself up to Sohee, if he only opened up to her the way he did to OC then this wouldn’t have happened, she’s always been there but something is still missing but he should’ve talked things with her instead of finding solace in the arms of OC, because of the secret class they shared they had to write something together which I think could’ve been written minus their drunken state but whoops this is their fate, maybe in another universe they belonged together and they’re trying it as well in this one? (coherence fucked up my mind so I keep thinking of alternate universes) also, Jungkook did nothing to stop the sins they’re doing, he’s into deep inside her in every sense and there was no going back, he was willing to ruin relationships and friendships but fate was cruel, he only had a taste of his euphoria before everything came crashing down.

OC’s Fault was thinking she was strong enough to fight her strong feelings and urges, she thought she was not capable of doing such thing, she wasn’t a bad person, maybe the stable relationship really got to her (long-term relationships can get boring and it isn’t pretty) and having a taste of something or someone new is titillating, also, it wouldn’t be bad right? because it’s the worst, just like Jungkook she gave in to lust, god their sexual chemistry and actual chemistry off-sex is something every lover should have except they aren’t lovers but sinners trying to milk each other everything they got before the world reveals their secrets, she knew it was wrong but she always kept coming back for more, as much as she tried to stay away and forget about everything she keeps spiraling down with Jungkook, it was no longer a mistake but a choice. ultimately, she had to pay the price because that was her predicament, she got the short end of the stick, everything was ruined for her, her relationship with Jimin, Sohee, and Jungkook.

❤️ : If i could wish for a different ending i would say a happy ending but that is unreal. I would want oc to end up w jk, sohee didnt ended up pregnant. (Thats the thing isn’t it, when u’re pregnant u’re bound for life, for the sake of the child). Maybe oc can end up w jimin, she will live her whole life as jimin wife and also as a liar. Point is, the ending is “this is bound to happen, someone have to take the bullet” n i think it’s necessary rather than satisfying,

🍒 : You’re absolutely right about somebody taking the bullet and that’s obviously OC, this is why it fucking hurts, you know for a fact that she didn’t do all of this on her own, it’s not like she forcefully had her way with Jungkook, I’m just so appalled because he was a fuckboy and suddenly lost all knowledge and imagination on this exact position “It’s actually pretty shimple… The girl is straddling the guy, her back facing him while her face is turned to the side so he can kiss her.” imo, he tricked her by playing dumb, maybe it’s true they’re tipsy but he constantly bugged OC after which means he remembers everything they’ve done that one sinful night…

~ the first ending I hoped for was Jimin and OC getting back together, I prayed so hard that he’ll have the heart to forgive and take her back but this the reality of cheating and getting cheated on, no matter how much you try to mend and put the pieces back together it will never fit perfectly again, edges now cracked and torn there’s no way their perfect relationship will ever be the same, as one of my favorite songs said “with each passing day the pain still stays the same” no matter how hard Jimin tries, his trust and love for her will never be the same, he will always doubt her and be reminded of her infidelity, it will not be a pleasant ride for them so it’s better that they didn’t end up being together because even if time heals all wounds the scar she gave him will always hurt like a salted fucking open wound.

~ the second one I hoped for was that Jungkook gives up everything even if Sohee was pregnant, this is brutal I know but if he truly loved OC he would keep his promise and be with her, with or without a child growing inside his girlfriend because it’ll never be the same for them but unlike Jimin, Sohee was willing to try and forget because he loves Jungkook too much, I applaud her for trying but I believe she will never be truly happy, she will be constantly reminded of stealing Jungkook from Seulgi, forcing their child into this world as a trap to keep him, and the devastating fact that Jungkook was willing to give everything up for OC, and that for a short period of time he loved her like the world was about to end, and end it did, Sohee won in this lifetime, suffering is a small price to pay to be with Jungkook ig, they can try but reality will come checking up on them once in a while and it won’t be fun, their relationship is damaged but for Hikaru their innocent angel they will try.

~ the last and ultimate ending I prayed for was OC ending up alone, another savage wish because I love suffering, but this was the only way for her heart to be free from all the pain and guilt, she suffered long enough by keeping secrets and coming back to Jungkook’s arms, she wasn’t a bad person, she was just weak and lost the battle in holding tightly onto her morals because love is something you can’t run away from, yes, I believe that she and Jungkook fell in love it was evident in the incriminating poem he made her “the tiny islands of your birthmark leading me to your center like a happy trail” he paid attention to every part of her and you don’t do that to a random fuck, it was hard not to love the pair despite the sins they’ve done because fuck I’m crying again, my chest now heaving from too much pain ugh, they were perfect (these lines should’ve been on my second ending but whatever I’ll get to my point) if only Jimin and Sohee didn’t exist or sure let them join the picture except they’re just random friends, but they’re not, and that’s why it sucks that she had to endure all of this losing a lover, losing a friend, and losing a soulmate (because fuck the way Jungkook loved her screams soulmate to me except he’s tied to another T_T)

❤️ : My favorite moment would be when jimin found the poems, man it went down like I’m falling from a cliff straight into the coldest sea on earth. U know when u ride a rollercoaster, on the falling part, u feel like ur heart is at ur throat? That how i feel as jimin reads the poem. Now imagine being jimin. Imagine being cheated on in the worst way anyone could possibly imagine. He was ready to propose to oc, jk is his bff, she fucked jk while he was away, on the couch next to their photo…

🍒 : RARA, I FELT THAT, I RECENTLY VISITED A FAMOUS THEME PARK AND FUCK THE ROLLERCOASTER RIDE THERE TOOK MY SOUL, ALL I SHOUTED OUT WAS LOOOOOORRRRRRDDDDD AND I DIED ~ anyway, that poem part fucked me up, I was literally bawling my eyes out, I have been cheated on but if I happened to discover the affair the way Jimin did I would die, when I discovered my boyfriend of almost 8 years cheated on me my heart froze, literally fucking freezing cold and not a single tear dropped that day, the following days were hellish, that’s when I wanted to cry and release all my pain but still no tears (I knew it was coming I guess) ~ this is why the length of a relationship doesn’t really matter because it’s never an assurance that your partner will be faithful to you, maybe things got boring okay I admit to that but what I can never understand is, why stay and cheat and hurt your partner if you’re no longer happy.

no one owns anybody nor is anyone entitled to own anybody or have them as a back-up in case your mission to cheat or flirt fails, that is just fucking sick.

❤️ : I love it that I major in literature study, bcs i can keep my mind sane instead of just blaming myself (oc), i see it from each characters’ pov and god, the author deserves a standing ovation. This is so many asks hehe, i feel like i still have a lot to say but I couldn’t think straight right now, too clouded by the angst smoke, hehe p:s i love u more!

🍒 : ohhh that’s an interesting fact, my major and my profession has nothing to do with literature or anything, in fact, people who studied my major probs hate English ghasdjfghjdsagfhjsadgfjksd, I’m just used to seeing both sides of the story and trying to understand why they are like that, did something happen to them to end up in the situation they’re in? what is missing in their lives? what are they craving for? what tipped off the balance? nobody wanted to be in the predicament they’re in, Sohee, Jimin, Jungkook, and OC were victims of time and circumstance, just because things didn’t turn out the way you want them to doesn’t mean life or fate or destiny is cruel, this is the nature and balance of this universe, if they give everything to us freely even if we tried taking it in the most inappropriate or evil way there would be nothing but chaos, I just hope that somewhere out there our girl OC is happy and having the time of her life, I’m no longer wishing for Jimin to come back, I just want all of them to heal and learn from their experience, it’s sad and painful but they were just never meant to be, Jimin nor Jungkook was never meant for OC, OC wherever you are my love, I hope you’ve healed and loved yourself well and put back the pieces of your broken self together, love will find you and it will be beautiful.

#answered #tete-a-tete #ft #qq #rara #joonkookiemonster #RoW suffering club #THIS IS AN EXCHANGE BETWEEN DEVASTATED READERS OF RoW #SPOILER POST PLEASE AVOID AT ALL COSTS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ RoW YET #UNLESS YOU WANT TO SUFFER? BE OUR GUEST ~#combined word count: 2579k~#this was super long i'm sorry rara ~ love you!

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ask-shakespearehigh · 6 years

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Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

#mod post #mod aster #mod star #q and a #birthday #we cant seem to read more AND tag so like brb gonna go kill god

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arospecsyourblockdudes · 5 years

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all, i am a curious goblin child

Why do u do this to me

do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

I start with a general plan, and then the plan says “ok so I had a one night stand with some other people and now my bastard son is the plan now, have a good day” and then leaves to elope with a door-to-door salesplan

talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

One character was supposed to die early on to show that the prophecy was a load of shit, but she said no thanks and instead I hated her so much I made her into someone else

on a scale of 1-10 how much to enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

About like a 7 maybe. Outside of the POV is how I like to do it (with side characters, basically)

what are some of examples of storytelling that inspires you outside of books?

I like songs that tell a clear story. Very nice and gives me goosebumps because I’m a sucker for that

what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

None really. Unlike some of you other writers, my imagination is a barren desert with a tumbleweed rolling about every couple of years

have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

;)

here’s for my bad guymy main girlandherpals

tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

Ok I really love writing for Arothe because they’re honestly out there doing their very best. And their character development is p sweet toohave you identified any recurring elements or themes across your writing?Something I try to do is if something is going on with my antagonist, I want it to be reflected with my protagonists. Such as, one of the villains has a lot of mental issues (I mean, with his life, zoinks) so a lot of my main characters do to. I also like taking a certain genre and twisting it a littlewhat’s a series or franchise you secretly or not so secretly think you’d be, like, a REALLY good writers for if they’d stop being cowards and hire you already?I’d be excellent at the Underland Chronicles. Sadly, it’s done so I can’t do a lot there

do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

Man, I just wing itif you currently write fanfiction or have ever written fanfiction, please tell us about the plot of the first fic you ever wrote

My first fanfiction was when I was like 12 for the Warriors fandom. It was one where my OC left to create her own clan and became leader of it and it was shit honestly.what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it?

I try to seek it out but no one ever wants to say anything about it besides “this was good” ):are you a podcast person? if yes, any recommendations for podcasts talking about writing/being creative in general?

I like podcasts but I don’t listen to a lot of writing onesdo you want to write sequels/series or nah?

Only in special circumstancesin an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

Sort of because I’d wanna see how it looks in front of me, but also you know how book adaptations can getdo you write any particular genre? how do you feel about genre categories in general? love them? want to combine them? want to do away with them altogether?

I love fantasy a lot, so usually I try to mix it into whatever I write. I like genre categories, but a lot is too specific honestly.at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

It just happens about halfway through writing. My working titles are never helpful. It’s so rough, trying to sum up the story in a few words.tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

Probably Taylor, from my new one. She’s gone through a lot and is keeping her hopes high. She’s babey and I love herwhat’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

I learned it takes a body about 2-3 hours to burn, because of the fats speeding it up. Only in certain things, but since I mostly do fantasy, I make shit updo you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that? tell us. please, tell us. I, the OP of this ask list, desperately need advice on how to focus.

Yes all the time. I don’t know,,,,,,apologies OPBIG ask: what do you think is the most important component of a good story?

Add in some humor, hope, little bit of optimism, even if ur story is about like the most dark and depressing topics. A little bit of good things will keep the reader from being like “ugh another torture scene... :/ great” talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you. or talk about several. seriously, writing is cool. you’re making up whole stories out of your brain, revel in that shit.

Every time I think “man I wish I could do that but it doesn’t work with the story :/” and I realize that I’m in charge of the story so it goes however I want it to. Like when I was talking to a friend like “yeah these two characters are really good friends and I’m worried people will think they’re a couple even though one is 16 and the other is basically 26,,,,,,what do I do, there’s only one single character but like they wouldn’t work together” and my friend had to point out that I can do whatever I want so those 2 CAN be together

okay, now that we had that nice one: what’s your WORST writing habit? dig deep, own up to your crimes.

I don’t write for a LONG time

how do you share your writing, or want to?

I use google docs so I just share it with people

hey - what are you working on right now?

Soft post-apocalypse. That’s where my babey Taylor is from

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leta-the-strange · 6 years

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Spoiler-free COG feelings/essay/thoughts before I see the movie. Spoiler-free because the movie isn’t out here til the end of the week but obviously, I’ve picked up info from trailers and interviews and things like that so sort of common knowledge stuff but I guess if you’ve avoided all the promos for the year I wouldn’t want to ruin it for you now so don’t read until after you’ve seen it if that’s the case (again, I only know basic info).

I have a lot of feelings that I’ve been sitting on for a while because frankly, large parts of the Fantastic Beasts and Harry Potter fandom terrify me. It’s why in my nineteen years (okay, thirteen years – I had to learn how to read) I’ve distanced myself from engaging in the fandom too much and when I do, I try and stick to as safe, neutral content as possible.

But I’m going to write a little bit a lot (my anxiety’s poppin off the charts right now) not to antagonise anyone or personally offend people just to get this pent up crap off my chest before I see the movie.

I have Māori and Pākehā parentage. Although I am proud to be a Māori girl and I’m definitely not white-passing, I do acknowledge that out of my family, I was born with the lightest skin and being a lighter-skinned/mixed poc among my family and friends has made me recognise my privilege. That isn’t to say I haven’t experienced lifelong struggles with racism, bullying and discrimination but I will never experience the same micro-aggressions and experiences that they have. Although, I do have light-skinned privileges and I don’t ever want to take away the struggles of my family that I won’t experience on the same level, growing up looking a little different opened me up a lot of feelings of invalidation within my own culture. When I experienced racism as a child, I was also met with disdain for being upset about it when I wanted to talk about it. This was when I was a child and I didn’t understand lighter skinned privilege or the animosity from some of my own people. I am far more educated now, but during that confusing time I, like most children, turned to literature (which in turn is what helped me make sense of the world).

I’ve gotten a little off track – this isn’t overly important to what I’m writing about, but it is introducing my opinion as coming from a woman of colour who has experienced racism and horrible bullying, but I always feel the need to clarify my position as a lighter skinned poc before giving my opinion based on those experiences.

Obviously from my content, I love Leta Lestrange. Perhaps it started out as a matter of representation, but I feel like over the past year, I have become intrigued with her for a number of reasons. She’s striking me as a Sirius, Regulus and Andromeda Black type character. Different to her family and caught in a struggle of light and dark (magic, not skin colour). Loves magical creatures. I haven’t seen it yet but it seems like she is one of the centre point characters of the film. She seems to be connected to many of the main characters in one way or another and has always striked me as the most intriguing.

I really do hope I am wrong but the ‘other’ love interest’s in the Harry Potter universe are usually treated terribly. They experience character assassination to further the development of the canon/new interest.

I really hope this film doesn’t do the whole blow out a woc character to make the white, self-insert, classically beautiful, ‘im not like other girls’ character shine brighter.

Before everyone comes for me, I wouldn’t say I’m a Tina ‘anti’ whatever that is. There’s no like extreme hatred at all! I would say I don’t like Tina as a character, or Queenie for that matter. Not yet anyway. The new trailer gives me hope that this movie might win me over finally. It doesn’t need to be upsetting or offensive to anyone. There are lots of people out there with favourite and not-so-favourite characters. A lot of people dislike Ron, Dumbledore, Snape, even Harry…and there are people who have those characters as their favourite.

There are a lot of reasons I don’t like Tina and Queenie. I may address them in a different post if being vague upsets people more than going in-depth but at this point, I am trying to stay as unconfrontational as possible but I have seen people get extremely furious when they don’t deem your reason for disliking them to be ‘good enough’ so if not saying exactly what I find uncomfortable about them is not as preferable as telling people then I can write it up as respectfully as possible if I’m treated the same way. All I’ll say is that I think Tina is a good person, but, in my opinion, not a great character. Queenie is the opposite. I would not like Queenie as a person but I have to admit, she’s a good character. But I’ll hold the rest of my opinions until after the second film.

Honestly, the film adaptions leave some of my favourite book characters to be desired. Maybe if FB was a novel, I’d like Tina but I really dislike her in the movies. I have seen people blow up when this is said. I try to understand the outrage. I think one of the reasons I dislike Tina is one of the reasons why people love her. She is, at this point and in my opinion (which is ONLY an opinion), a self-insert character. Any Newt x Reader fanfiction can easily read as a Newtina fanfiction and vice versa. I know. Because I’m a FB fanfiction writer myself and tried to write her. Sometimes when you attach yourself to a character so much, it can feel personally offensive when someone says something as harmless such as they don’t like then. I don’t experience this as often. Every Reader/OC fanfiction is, perhaps unintentionally, but nearly always aimed at a white person in description. In actuality, nearly every character in literature is, intentionally or not, described with textbook white features or assumed white by the fandom/readers/watchers.

I know people are going to hate this opinion because I’ve seen people jump down other people’s throats when this gets brought up. I do believe, whether it is conscious or not, Leta not being white COULD, subconsciously, be a factor as to why she is so inherently hated. I’ve seen more hate for Leta than any other character – even the antagonist! I hate what they did to Lavender Brown, book and movie wise, but even she, being as over exaggeratedly unlikable as a romantic plot device, received and still receives far less fandom hate than Cho Chang (who was also eventually written to be ‘jealous, hysterical, unlikeable’, etc, etc – I don’t agree btw I love, understand and appreciate Cho and Lavender) who was smart, talented, kind, traumatised, and until it was no longer convenient to the main characters romance for her to be ‘likeable’ anymore.

I wish I could enjoy going through the Leta tag but often, her and Newt can’t even be in a scene or photo together and people lose their minds with anger and hate. Literally, the comments on any scene/photo they are in are all along the lines of ‘stay away from newt!/poor tina/urgh, don’t flirt leta/leta WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’. Sorry, to break it to you guys but it isn’t a love triangle. It’s a love conga line. The only person getting in the way of ‘Newtina’ is Newt. Instagram is even worse. By worse, I mean horrible beyond belief. The better comments are the ones are the ones merely (though still grossly) comparing her to Tina and how much they dislike her, the other ones are wishes that she’ll get killed or join Grindelwald. It’s literally not even hidden the fact they wish either of these things happen so Newtina can happen faster. I’m not a Newtina shipper at all (Yet. Again, this might change if the films improve) but this would be one of the worst ways to further your ship. That is literally not going to change the fact that Newt’s still in love with her (you can have feelings for two people at the same time. The filmmakers confirmed - in fact, one of the first things about the new movie that they confirmed - that Newt is ‘absolutely still in love with her’), it just makes her conveniently unattainable. I do have a feeling that Leta might die and if it happens, it better not be because she’s unwillingly in the way of a ‘love triangle’ that people have forced these three characters into. If Newtina is going to happen in a way that isn’t awful, rushed and horrible, it will be slow-burn and it’s in own time AFTER Newt has healed and properly fixed things with Leta. You can’t be best friends and in love with someone for 15+ years and fall out of love with them immediately after they die, turn bad and settle for a woman you met for like two days and collectively spent maybe ten hours with. It might be a Ron/Hermione situation where it’s slow and eventual. That’s the only way I could possibly get on board and I think it could be done tastefully if they don’t resort to lazy writing. I do have my fingers crossed I’ll start to like the Goldsteins before this happens and I can enjoy it as much as everyone else does.

To be honest, after seeing the trailers, I see only two endings for Leta (and I hate them BOTH):

She joins Grindelwald: If this is the plot twist, it’s the shittiest plot twist ever. Pretty much 90% of the fans since seeing the first film have assumed/liked to believe she’s pure evil. Probably the characters themselves all assume she’s evil from her last name. I was worried the whole ‘haha, I was on Grindelwald’s side all along!’ situation was going to happen. We know JK hates Slytherins. My ‘Leta joins Grindelwald’ theory would be that she has always been on the good side – or trying to be – and after YEARS of oppression and discrimination and being distrusted by maybe the central characters in this film no matter how hard she tries AND maybe finally realising that Newt isn’t going to ever forgive her she just snaps and goes all ‘f*ck you guys then’ (I wouldn’t blame her tbh). HOWEVER, I doubt this. In a trailer, you literally see Leta THROW a fucking spell STANDING BY HERSELF (what u doin bby?) at Grindelwald. Trust me, if this was Tina it would have been all everyone was talking about but of course the fandom was all ‘yeah, see, she’s in the same frame as Grindelwald SHE’S EVIL’. One of the trailers is literally titled Leta vs. Grindelwald. Everything in the trailers/promos points to Queenie joining Grindelwald but *shrugs, I guess*.

Leta dies: I get this may seem the preferable way to appease the Leta haters and the Leta lovers especially if she dies after redeeming herself or heroically or whatever but urgh, no. I know everyone’s like ‘DoNt MAKe ThIS AbOUT RaCe’ when the woc character inevitably is killed but I’m sorry. To have been able to sit in a theatre as a little girl and see Leta Lestrange in the wizarding world would have blown my tiny mind. Honestly, as an older teen seeing Zoe Kravitz in that little photo frame in Newt’s case in the first film was iconic enough for me. After growing up being made to believe I was ‘unattractive’ because of how I looked, seeing total dreamboats like Callum Turner and Eddie Redmayne’s characters being all heart-eyes over Leta is, like...wow! And I do have an uncomfortable truth for people who want Leta to die. That would possibly be the WORST thing to happen for the Newtina thing (would pretty much be the last nail in the coffin for me ever coming around to it). I’ve seen it happen in my family when someone you love dies. Your feelings for them essentially FREEZE. You can’t fall out of love with someone who is dead. That’s of course not to say that you don’t love again and just as much as the first time. But it takes time (LOTS of it) and there’s a little part of your heart that’s like…permanently sealed off. I don’t even like Newtina yet and I’m hoping for the sake of the Newtina fans that Leta doesn’t die because freakin’ yikes. Just let them heal and connect and be besties again goddammit, its POSSIBLE (and bet your ass I’ll write it my god damn self to prove it if they don’t).

I know these are highly unpopular opinions and I HOPE that I am wrong, and they do her character justice and don’t discard her via death or the dark side.

In summary, I suppose my biggest struggle with Leta’s character is definitely the overwhelming fandom hate which I still can’t quite comprehend. I really want to believe it isn’t a race thing. Though, I have seen horrible posts about Leta, mean comments on nearly every Leta promo, Zoe Kravitz literally being called a c*nt in the comments of a Leta post on tumblr, a lot of fanfictions having her be primarily evil, selfish, manipulative, in some a rapist even, ugly, cruel, etc. But honestly, she’s literally not interfering in Newt having a relationship with anyone at all??? She’s literally been villainised because her friend can’t get over her (getting Snily nostalgia). But buggered if I’ve been able to find next to anything of that calibre about Jacob’s fiancée (literally a Queenie doppelganger) who left him, like, the day he met Queenie. I get that it was a deleted scene for those non-hardcore fans, but Leta-hate was literally kicked off by a picture in a photo frame and a comment made by a, in my opinion, kind of not-nearly-as-infallible-as-people-think character that barely knows Newt breaking into his head non-consensually (after being repeatedly told not to) who had an agenda to hook him up with her sister. Sooo…*shrugs*.

Even I personally have tried to keep out of the fandom debates, but I wrote a Leta and Newt story (still ongoing) that I stopped for a while because the kind of disgusting comments I was receiving about people hating the pairing. Which, I get. You don’t like a pairing, that’s cool? Why are you going and seeking out a piece about them and then taking the time to leave a comment? Whenever I start to read a story about Leta being this horrific monster of a person and being torn apart and compared and occasionally borderline racist, I just…click out? I know it’s only a small patch of weeds in what is likely a garden of roses, but I have never come across such an insecure fandom for a literal canon ship. If the relationship was that pure and strong, you wouldn’t feel the need to kill or villainise the (non-existent) ‘threat’. I just hope the writers feel the same way. You can write healthy closures and strong women of colour characters without casting them aside for plot development/man pain/stereotypical Caucasian romance/plot device, etc... I’m going to go into the theatre at the end of the week slightly optimistic to be fair but I’m also fully expecting to be disappointed but honestly, Leta could avada kedavra every character and she’s still going to be my favourite, I don’t make the rules.

#fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts the crimes of grindelwald #leta lestrange #not going to put this in any other character tags bc my anxiety is poppin #ive also been avoiding the leta tags because im trying to keep focused on not spoiling anything but its hard as hell #pls dont spoil it for me in the comments if you decide to comment

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arctic-urpo · 6 years

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Hiya hiya, it’s time for me to properly talk abt LRTN - because I’ve talked about it here and there but nothing clear and concise abt my situation and my plans to continue etc, and in general it’s been on my mind. This will be 99% just explanation of my past, uh, over half a year though because this has also affected my friendships with people outside of this too and just, idk, I don’t like saying I feel like I owe an explanation bc I rly don’t, people have been kind and understanding and I appreciate it.

But I want to explain so if you wanna know why I haven’t been writing or answering messages, you should probs find the answer under the cut!!! Warnings though that I’m gonna be talking abt rly personal stuff and some kinda heavy things too, so no need to feel pressured to read! This is meant for those who want answers and not as a plea for attention or anything ^^;

Anyways....

I feel like I should start with the fact that most people following me and LRTN probs know already, but I have struggled with mental illness for.... a long time, half my life in fact. It isn’t something I came here to talk about, but it is related to tons of abuse from multiple sources etc. So please keep an open mind reading!

Anyways so over half a year ago, in November 2017, first of all NaNo happened. I could balance that out with LRTN, at first, but then in the mid of the month I started this uh, work practice experience thing. My vocabulary in English fails me here but, basically, it was this government funded project to help young people get into working life/back to “”””normal life”””” so basically rehab work. It was in a flower shop, owned by my grandma’s friend.

The work experience itself was incredibly pleasant, I loved the job and I loved my boss and she was rly nice to me all the time. But it was time and energy-consuming. And another problem with the work was that - as most of u probs know, I’m a trans guy. But I’m not out to my grandma yet bc she’s very religious and my mom has been so worried for my safety so... Anyways, so I couldn’t obviously be out in the workplace either. And my grandma would visit daily and it was mentally really rough for me.

To also explain, I have bad agoraphobia to begin with. I’m deathly scared of public spaces, wide places, strange people, talking to people and 99% of the time I can’t even go outside alone. Which was what this work was trying to give me rehab for. And it helped, it really did! But my grandma.... made it so much more difficult to manage my mental health bc it was an extra stress factor constantly. She has a way of words to make me feel useless too so, I kept feeling inadequate constantly when she was there and like I was doing things wrong.

Anyways!! That’s for the work part! But also, in the beginning of me starting work there, my friend’s dog who I had taken care of a lot and who was a huge part of my life, passed away sadly. I started seeing nightmares every night and losing sleep rapidly. I used to sleep 8-10 hours each night, but back then I started sleeping 4-6 and that’s continued up to this day and it’s been.... completely exhausting me. I’ll probs talk abt that more in detail but. To continue to this situation:

So, all in all, there was way too many things going on at once that November-December. Add onto that the holiday season which had a lot of relatives - a lot of my grandma too - and it has always been a bad time of the year for me. I managed to hang on by spending time with friends - a friend came to visit me for almost two weeks and that helped me keep myself together.

But also, I was supposed to look for another place to work at through this whole time, because my grandma’s friend had promised to take me only for the Christmas season bc after that she just wouldn’t have work for me due to a quiet season. I did apply for a few places but.... I couldn’t bring myself to put myself completely to it bc of all the phone calls which scare me just as much as going outside.

Anyways, Christmas comes and goes, I’m still somehow hanging on, and then we go on a trip with my friends. It was an amazing trip, I had fun with them, most of them live in other cities so I don’t see them often so I loved seeing them....!!

And then I went back home. Back home into my messy apartment, where I realized I’m almost always alone. And I had a huge breakdown. I stopped eating properly for a while - I can’t exactly give proper dates after this bc it’s been kind of ongoing with various intensity after that..... I go through periods of not eating, I haven’t been able to start sleeping bc I find it so hard to go to sleep, I keep waking up from nightmares - nightmares of various subjects, not rly abt by friend’s dog even but just... all sorts of bad things.

And I haven’t had the energy to talk to anyone, keep up any relationships. There’s only one group chat where I talk daily, the group of friends I went on a trip with who I’ve known for years now. And even to them, I don’t talk privately! It’s only the group chat! Other group chat I talk semi-actively in is the group of friends in my city, who I go to shop with etc but... Again it’s only semi-actively that I manage to talk there either.

As you may guess, I couldn’t find a new place to work in the beginning of the year. After the trip, I went through weeks without answering any phone calls - my therapist helped me call off the rehab work bc clearly it wasn’t the best option anymore. But that sparked all sorts of money problems that have plagued me since then, and let’s just say things haven’t been great on that front.

Middle of all of this, I did figure out I had a huge fear of silence, so I need to constantly have videos, games, music, something running so that there is noise. I also need to have something to do to distract my thoughts even further or I’ll start to spiral into negativity.......

I do go through periods of creativity, but it only sparks on the drawing front. So to get on the topic of LRTN! I haven’t written anything proper since November. I’ve started a few background stories for DnD OCs and I can’t even finish those! I write maybe a page and I have to drop it bc I can’t stand the silence, having only me and music and no video or game or anything. (As for why I don’t watch vids while writing, I can’t concentrate on writing if I hear like, speech or smth similar. I can’t listen to rap either when writing bc it’s too distracting.)

But kind of with writing and esp with LRTN has been the problem that, the longer time goes on, the more daunting it feels to return to it!!! I’m already in the spot that I would need to reread LRTN to continue writing it (to remember all the plot things planned and the characterization etc) and!!! I do plan on doing that!!! But I can’t, I just can’t take the silence while I’m reading so I’ve kind of been putting it off and off. For way too long. I’m trying to figure out a way around this, but I DO MEAN TO RETURN TO LRTN!!! That is certain!! I do intend to finish it, I need to get the story out after planning it for so long!!!

But that’s kind of the status quo on the LRTN’s part, I want to continue and with each kind comment my heart just keeps breaking bc I just want to write it so bad!!!! I want to continue!!!! But I’m just so stressed out from the loneliness and silence that I can’t bring myself to write!!!

But yeah I’m not saying this seeking answers, this is my personal problem and no one needs to feel bad abt any of this or feeling like you’re pressuring me. All the comments are rather just so kind and inspiring that I feel like the luckiest guy from time to time. So thank you to everyone, the commenters and ALSO ESPECIALLY FRIENDS who have been so understanding and nice and been by my side even when I’ve locked myself up from everyone just to cry and weep over how much I suck....

Anyways to kind of give a status update on what this breakdown has even been abt and why it’s been making me distance myself, it’s bc I’ve been dealing with feelings of worthlessness, fearing abandonment and also just not having plain energy to answer and then feeling like it’s scary to answer after so long has passed without me saying anything. I feel like I’m constantly late.

Also, to current situation, my mental health has been on the rise, which is why I’m talking about this in the first place bc I have the energy to explain properly! On the... life front though, my life has been kind of a void of me waking up, playing mobile games, not eating much, not sleeping much, and kind of being just a messy waste of space. My apartment is a mess, my financial situation is even more of a mess still bc the depression is making me waste any extra money on stupid stuff and then me sacrificing food and such to save money for rent etc. I was also declared “unfit to work” by the government on another paper but “fit to work” on another so now I’m kind of in the space where I’m not actually capable of working fulltime by my health but also being forced to work bc I don’t have the ~right diagnosis’~ to not work.....

SO!! It’s been kind of a whirlpool of stress!!! Anyways idk how to end this huge rant, thank you if you read all of this and I hope this shed some light on the situation????

If u ever wanna reach out to me, I still don’t answer private messages well but you’re free to try and I’ll try to answer to my best abilities, but I feel like asks are the easiest way to reach out to me right now bc those I do get to eventually bc they don’t feel as personal and so scary for my socially anxious mind, idk!!! But thank u for reading, for understanding and for caring abt dumb old me!!!!

#urpo talks #long post #under the cut at least #idk if mobile tumblr still works well with read more's #ANYWAYS there u go a way too long of an explanation #i've been sweating and crying a bit too much so i'll have to idk get water and chill #but feel free to reply or send asks or smth if u have anything to say #and i'll read them and hopefully answer them too!!

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