#guitarhusbands become parents

[so-darya-darya]

Paul and Richard *on the phone* Schneider, hi! Congratulate us, we’ve just adopted a baby!!! Any tips from a veteran dad?

Schneider: Ha! Hahahaha ahhhhh *infernal laughter turning into sobs*

[so-darya-darya]

Paul: Let’s take this diaper of, you’ll be all fresh and free, like you daddy in his youth days. Oh, Hiddensee!

*Ten minutes later*

Baby shits on the floor.

Paul: That’s punk!

Baby spreads shit all over the floor and himself.

Paul: That’s far to punk. Please, stop.

[so-darya-darya]

*at a rehearsal*

Till: Play Baby Shark tune instead of Haifisch riff one more time and I’ll bite your heads off!!!

Paul and Richard: we just can’t doodoodoodooodoo

Schneider: Kill us, please

[so-darya-darya]

At 5 AM

Paul: who’s waken up? Our little sunshine! Oh, you wait till kindergarten and school, we will revenge…

Richard: revenge will be sweet…

[so-darya-darya]

Paul: You know, I’m sure we will be great parents together.

Richard: oh, Paulie, you’re so sweet and supportive!

Paul: see, you are 100% great dad. And I am always better, than you, so…

Richard: … shut up

[so-darya-darya]

Richard: Arrgh, he pulls my hair again! I just fixed it! And it hurts!

Paul: A beanie?

Richard: No, we need to set boundaries. My sweet babyboy, it hurts daddy and his sense of beauty arrghhhh

Paul: Bet, it’s beanie time!

[so-darya-darya]

Richard: What if I’m a bad dad? If I traumatise him or something. I just can’t…

Paul: Oh, dear, you’re already an excellent father. Anyway, we can open a bank account for the future therapy and do whatever we want

[so-darya-darya]

Richard: All his clothes are 50 shades of blue((( Let’s dress him in red/green/florals/any other colour!

*On the street*

Every old lady: What a lovely baby girl!

[so-darya-darya]

Richard *enters the room* The WHO site says, complementary foods should be introduced at the age of 6 months, starting with puréed vegetables…

*sees Paul feeding the baby a bread roll*

Gosh, whatever!

[so-darya-darya]

Baby *cries*

Richard: He just cries and cries and I don’t understand what he wants!

Paul: Guess, he wants to rewrite the guitar part for the 100th time really badly, our little diva baby boy.