#guess who got a funky new diagnosis

[temperate-rainforest]

I thought being an empath was where you can look at someone who has an injury and feel that injury on yourself, or be around someone whose physically sick and feel the same sickness, or something to that extent, but turns out that's just mirror-touch synesthesia and I have no idea what in the fuck you guys are actually on about

[annoying-probably]

This is just a ramble about songs I want in prsk

Okay,,, I can't tell if Two Breaths Walking by Deco would be a VBS song or a L/n song? I think both of them would absolutely kill it.

I really. Absolutely want to see An do Secret Police by Buriru-P. She'd do it so well. She'd be. Literally amazing. Her and Kohane, actually. I just specifically want An to- she'd do so well??

Weekender Girl by kz!! I'm not the biggest fan of Livetune but I think Weekender is a bop. I don't know if it's just be miku bc it's hard to get a good replicate of such robotic songs, but MMJ! It's all preppy and the ProDiva video already has really nice choreography.

look. this one is a reach. Mafuyu/Tsukasa Copycat by CircusP. I have nothing else to say.

I KnOW WORLD IS MINE BY RYO IS ALREADY IN THE GAME BUT ITS AN ABSOLUTE CRIME WE DIDNT GET TO HEAR TSUKASA TENMA GO OFF!! HE DESERVES IT!! LET HIM BE THE CLASSIC MIKU DIVA!!!

moving on-

kigamure mercy by hachijou-p can fit every group except 25ji. and I do not care I'd happily listen to any of the group's do that song. It has vibes of a vbs song in the lyrics, but generally song vibes of like WxS/MMJ and I just think it sorta fits L/n.

It'd really hard telling what song could be MMJ or WxS because they do similar songs but. Like. That's it. I'd say WxS is more depressed but no MMJ has like. Patchwork.

you already have akitoya why not give them butterfly on your right shoulder(nori-p), sweet devil(hachijou-p I think?). Why not. Spice by Minato. (Almost all is /j but I do think they'd do Butterfly well.)

I have no reasoning other then voice fits good. loves true restraint, wakacha, kamishiro rui.

POSITIVE CLUB VS NEGATIVE CLUB! By Wonderful ✩ Opportunity!! Tenma Tsukasa and Tenma Saki :))) the song has very very minor /r undertones but can. easily just be Tsukasa being really nice to his sister. also just want him to go "alright! I'll die now! :D"

REALISTICALLY. I KNOW MY R BY KURAGEP IS A 25JI SONG. I CAN STILL WANT IT TO BE A WXS SONG. IT FITS!! THEM!!! RUI LEAD! NENE BRAID GIRL. EMU SHORT GIRL. TSUKASA CARDIGAN GIRL!!!

Getcha by KiraP and Giga. My best guess on who'd get this is probably vbs? An and Kohane main singers and either just them or Akito and Touya there for the backups or rap parts.

Unhappy Refrain!!!! By Wowaka!!! (Rest be him, of course.) Literally one of my favourite songs point blank. Leaning towards 25ji or VBS.

Hate it! Hate it! Huge ego! By KurageP! Tsukasa Tenma. let him breakdown. talk about his attention issues- all of wxs is autistic I said so we are autistic (/lh)

(could also be an Mizuki/Ena song I think :D)

Tokyo Teddy Bear. Neru. Ena and Akito. I couldn't decide between vbs or 25ji. So. This- this is what I got!

ANY HITOSHIZUKU AND YAMAP SONG - WXS

They'd do so well. Imagine the ∞ night series??? Schadenfreude???? Mistletoe and tree of Reincarnation. Cursed tower of Ai. Party×Party. Portrait of pirate. LET THEM DO THE FUNKY STORY SONGS I SWEAR. ALICE IN NY!!! ADD SAKI IN THERE FUNKY BAIT AND SWITCH!!

(Villager- Nene

Doll Girl- Emu

Doll Boy- Tsukasa

Maid- Miku

Butler- Kaito

Lady- Luka

Master- Rui

Mistress- Meiko. )See, Sega? Did your job for you.

honestly I don't care who it is. someone needs to sing Meltdown, by Iroha(Sasaki).

1925!!!!!!!! (T-pocket??) I just really like the idea of WxS doing it,,,

LITERALLY ANY MITCHE M SONG!!! MMJ!!

Let them do a funky news broadcast :)))

Hm,, Diagnosis; Love Sickness by Honeyworks! I really like this song,,, mmj!! They suit lots of Honey songs I think!

Matryoshka- Hachi. Ruikasa. Give the song with no meaning to the gay clowns !!! Do it!!! They deserve it! I really do think the song just fits their overall vibe. Pure chaos with nothing behind it. But dancing till you drop. Imagine them in the original MV style.

BLACK ROCK SHOOTER- L/N.

do I need to explain it- it's. ItS THEM- ITS JUST THEM- IM.NOT GOING TO KIN ASSIGN L/N MEMBERS TO BRS BUT,,,, CMON,,,,, ITS RIGHT THERE!!!!

SNOBBISM- Neru! Once again can't decide. WxS or VBS. Either of their boy pairs really??

World Domination; how to. Neru. (Hey do you think I like neru yet??) Nene and Rui. Or Emu and Tsukasa. Just- mainly the first two. Kid genius being pushed aside and bullied and the socially anxious introvert?? Yes. Just. Yes.

.

.

childishwar- reol. shinonome siblings. I don't think I have to talk about ThIS ONE??

Corpse Dance, Kikou, 25ji! Kikou. that's it. Probably Mafuyu lead.

I have been rambling awhile!! If you got this far, wow?? Thank you?? I'd let to hear more ideas and im v sorry for barely acknowledging l/n they're just kinda the catch all for any song,,, I could get more 25ji songs I just need to get my depression playlist. Sorry to mMJ- I DON'T- LISTEN TO A LOT OF POP?? MAINLY- MAINLY ROCK-

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

First official comfort character

For those that know me my comfort characters are all very important to me. Most people that haven’t talked with me extensively though might guess that my first one was Pinky from Pinky And The Brain. That’s where you would also be wrong though! My first comfort character was also my favorite underrated Disney character. I mentioned him briefly in my video with Rob Paulsen, as he is voiced by my hero Corey Burton, my first comfort character was Ludwig Von Drake! 

(A gif of him before I explain so I do not look nuts later.) 

For those of you that are like most people that I have met you might be scratching your heads you might be wondering who in the world is Ludwig Von Drake? If you didn’t grow up with this character, you probably will have no idea who he is. Von Drake is the second uncle of Donald Duck. He is an inventor, multi PHD, quirky and kooky duck that has an Austrian accent. He is usually used as a source of comedy as his machine’s that builds tend to go astray from what he actually wants them to do. (For example, his segment on House Of Mouse, Von Drake’s House Of Genius). I am going to give you an example of my favorite segment of this sketch! (I have said “Ludwig! What was that kooky noise?!” Way too many times in my life but nobody ever gets it.) 

I technically don’t exactly “remember” Von Drake from House Of Mouse. I have only faint memories of laughing at the quirky nature of him and how he would constantly get into trouble with his inventions. If I were to put a label on when Von Drake became a comfort character it was with the series Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I would watch the show religiously every morning when I was seven. My favorite character was Von Drake. I loved him so much when I was a kid and this is when my first comfort character was born. 

Von Drake as a character is just so much fun! That’s the one word that I would use to describe him. Writing for him is fun, watching him invent things is fun even if usually they stray from the actual idea that he initially had and as a kid I just loved his voice. I had never heard anything like that when I was growing up. This is where I start to wonder why I was diagnosed as late in the game as I was at 17 because whenever Von Drake came on screen when I was a child it was happy stim time. 

I don’t want to say that I eventually forgot about Von Drake. Because that’s simply not true! I didn’t forget about him and what he meant to me as a child. I just got preoccupied with other characters namely Pinky. I would still remember the song that he sang in House Of Mouse about where all the characters sat in the show.

After my diagnosis I found a renewed vigor to know who voiced my childhood characters. The first one I looked up was Von Drake’s. Imagine to my surprise “HOLY SHIT HIS VOICE ACTOR HAS ASPERGERS TOO!” Suddenly I felt this new love for my favorite member of the Duck family. This newfound love has cultivated into what I lovingly call my “Von Drake Days” where I literally annoy everybody around me because I will not shut about an Austrian duck that nobody knows. Corey’s love and will to stick true to the character that the late Paul Frees created still amazes me. He stays true and yet his Von Drake is so very much his own now. I love listening to both (my only gripe is that Frees’s Von Drake was in better quality. But it’s old so *shrug* what are going to do.) 

My love for Von Drake is something that is really hard for me to explain. Part of it is nostalgia. But most of it is this genuine love and admiration for what Corey can bring to a character. He brings so much life and personality into Von Drake. There’s just so much passion behind the voice and I love that. There’s also the animation. Ward Kimball was his original animator from back in Walt’s time and he was known for his fast and fluid hand motions which made him perfect for Von Drake. 

(Look at this hand animation I LOVE IT SO MUCH it’s so spastic and so Ludwig at the same time.) 

The way that the artists continue to draw him in the quirky style that Kimball started off in is one of my favorite nods to the original artist. Ward Kimball is my favorite of the Nine Old Men because he was the animator for my favorite funky duck man. 

This long post was basically just for me to vent about why I think Von Drake deserves to be more popular. My dream is if my own cartoon gets off the ground that I would love to make a hand drawn show for Ludwig Von Drake. I think that it’s about time that Disney started to give him more screen time and give Corey more work than he actually gets. I think that both Corey and this character have brought me so much joy over the last four years of my life since my “official diagnosis” (I’ve always been aspie). I just love this character so much and he needs more love in the world.  

[fostertoforever]

And now for something different...

This post doesn’t really have anything to do with fostering, but it does have something to do with my life and health. And I use this blog as a way to express my thoughts and feelings about life. Mostly, my life centers around P and Baby C, but I’ve had something else on my mind for almost a year now, and perhaps if I share this story, others can give me some direction, learn from my experience, or sympathize/emphasize with this crazy health situation. I would also like to preface this post by saying there’s a lot of personal stuff in here that the fellas, in particular, may not want to read. Ladies, you’ll be fine, but unless you’re an open minded dude you might wanna sit this one out. Either way, here goes…

I’ve talked before about my infertility and the issues I’ve had with my lady parts. Basically, I’ve been told there’s no eggs in the basket and even if there is, they’re old and chances are, won’t make a baby. Boo. Anyway, this diagnosis creates another issue for me and that, my friends, is early menopause. I’m freakin 35 years old, so that’s a lot to digest. I’m 5 years into this diagnosis too, as I was told when I was just 30 years old. Since then, I have gone through hell in the female department. Without actually being pregnant, going through labor, and giving birth, as far as I’m concerned, I’ve served my sentence in the hellacious female issue department. My periods were so bad I sent myself right into anemia. I felt weak and useless. Pale and gross. Aunt Flow set up shop in my body and would stay for MONTHS. Bitch. I lost complete faith in my body and was always frustrated and…well….sad. It was a constant reminder of what my body couldn’t and wouldn’t do- reproduce. All I was producing was anger…and a lot of tears…and ya know, grossness.

So..in December 2016, I started getting a harsh, sharp pain in my left side. It took my breath away. It was so bad, it hurt to stand up, walk or sit for periods of time. I lived with a steady flow of Ibuprofen and my heating pad constantly at my side. I went to the chiropractor. I went to an urgent care clinic. This was right before Christmas, and our first Christmas with P as our adopted son, so I was determined, even though I felt like garbage, to make it a magical Christmas. But my body didn’t go for it. I remember baking Christmas cookies with P and wanting to just cry because of the pain. I finally went to my family doctor, who ran a slew of tests, XRays, and a CT Scan of my abdomen. It was concluded I had an ovarian cyst and some “concerning lymph nodes,” that could be reactive from the cyst. They referred me to my OBGYN and wished me luck.

Not seeing this as an urgent situation, two weeks later, still in pain, I go to the lady doctor, who does an ultrasound and decides “Nope, that cyst is too small and couldn’t cause this pain or those lymph nodes” and referred me back to my family doctor. She put in an IUD (worst freaking pain ever) and said that would take care of the early menopause crap (Why she hadn’t done this years ago, I’ll never know but yes, indeed, it helped!) Anyway, Christmas came and went, and my pain actually got more tolerable. Result of the IUD? Who knows. I think it was actually resting and not doing much over the holidays.

In January, after another CT Scan (#2) and blood work, I went back to my family doctor, who told me a story about her aunt having uterine cancer. Uhhhh, why was she telling me this???? With the cyst, the location of the lymph nodes, the early menopause issues, the infertility stuff, and the pain, she thought it was all uterine related and recommended a complete hysterectomy. She thought it was all GYN problem related and again, referred me BACK to my OBGYN, who again, said no, and referred me to a surgeon to do a biopsy of the lymph nodes. During this ordeal, as you know, we got the call for Baby C, and suddenly I had a newborn to take care of. My pain in my side was gone, but I was still feeling like crap most the time. Sleeplessness from a newborn? Perhaps? Or something else? So, in February, I went to the surgeon, who looked at my blood work and scans and said, “Nope, you’re fine. They’re reactive lymph nodes to lady problems, and they’ll probably clear up with time. Plus, your pain is gone, and the IUD is working, so that’s all well and good!” I was relieved and thought that was the end of it, even though I continued to feel sick and tired. I chalked it all up to having a newborn and being stressed with all foster parenting involves, and continued forward.

BUT…by March, I could barely stay awake during the day. I was sweating like crazy and was running a constant fever. I went back to my family doctor and literally cried and said, “Please figure out what is wrong with me! I’ve got two kids to take care of!" She, again, ran more tests, and another CT Scan (#3). Turns out, I had Mono. I was so grateful! I had a diagnosis! No more cancer, no more scary thoughts! This was all mono! No hysterectomy! Yes, I felt like absolute crap, but at least I knew what it was now! I struggled to finish the school year, with a newborn, a toddler, and mono. But, I was thanking God I had lunch and a plan period back to back, and my boss was ok with me taking naps in my car when I didn’t have students. I controlled the fever with Tylenol and ibuprofen, discovered a love of iced coffee and shots of espresso, and took frequent naps when I could.

By July, the mono symptoms were subsiding and I went back for a check up with my family doctor. Confident that these lymph nodes had gone away with the mono, I agreed to yet another round of tests and another CT Scan. (If you’re keeping track, this is Scan #4. Pretty soon, I might be radioactive.) Once again, it showed those concerning lymph nodes in my abdomen. Still there! My blood work was a bit funky too. And my doctor was super concerned again. She wanted a definitive diagnosis. So did I! Ugh. So, she referred me to an oncologist. I was scared just hearing the word. Oncology is cancer! Do I have cancer? Are we back to this?

A month later, again, in no hurry, not seeing any urgency in any of this, I went to the oncologist. He ordered more blood work and a CT Scan of my neck and chest. He told me he wanted to see if those concerning lymph nodes were also in other parts of my body. Plus, he said, doing a biopsy of the nodes in my abdomen would be impossible without a big surgery, and it’s much easier to biopsy lymph nodes of the neck. So, off to CT Scan #5. The results came back about a week later and my family doctor called me this time with the news. She told me “Be prepared, you might be sick, Jess.” Apparently my neck was filled with “concerning” lymph nodes, just like the ones in my abdomen. I asked if it could all be mono related and she said it wasn’t likely because the mono should’ve cleared up by then. So..back to the oncologist I go a few weeks later. He told me the same thing as my family doctor, and referred me to an ear, nose, and throat doctor to get his opinion on doing a biopsy of my neck. It’s September by this time, guys.

So, last week, I went to the ENT, who wasn’t even there. I saw his nurse practitioner, who told me that he’d talk to the doctor and get back to me on what we’d do next. I literally spent $40 copay to have him tell me he’d have to wait and talk to the doctor. Seriously. This week, a receptionist from the ENT doctor’s office called me and told me that that the actual doctor “cannot take your case right now. He thinks it is too ‘complex’ and since he only works a few days every other week, he feels you should see someone else, so they can devote more time to your case.” So, I was dumped by my local ENT. And guess what guys? There’s no other ENTs in this area!! So, I’m going to have to be referred to another ENT 1.5-2 hours away from my home. This is absolutely ridiculous.

It’s almost October and I STILL don’t have an answer. I STILL have “concerning” lymph nodes all over my body and I STILL don’t know what’s causing them! I STILL feel like crap most days, but better than I did in the depths of mono. I honestly haven’t felt like myself since November of last year. We’re going on almost ONE YEAR of this crap and I still have no answers. I’m certainly hopeful it’s NOT cancer or anything very serious that’s growing or multiplying inside me, because all of this back and forth bureaucratic doctor BS is making my head spin. I’m now waiting for this new ENT to call me with an appointment, to hopefully do the biopsy of my neck, and to hopefully, finally get a definitive diagnosis! Is this why people, who finally get a diagnosis, are already at their death bed? Or at Stage 4 Cancer? Is this really how health care in this country works? Or am I just choosing the wrong people? I certainly don’t feel like I’m dying and definitely have high hopes it’s nothing too serious, but still. It worries me my family doctor is concerned. When does this end?

In other news, I’m still reeling from last week’s incredible disappointment. I’ve been hugging and kissing my littles a lot more the last two weeks, especially Baby C, who I fear, our time together is short. It’ll all make sense in the end, I know. And I’m hoping the same goes for my health. The court system and the health care system are two things that I’m incredibly frustrated with right now, but I’m hoping and praying, it all makes sense soon. And big hugs and a very heartfelt thank you to everyone who has sent good thoughts, prayers, love, support, and alcoholic beverages my way. You guys make me smile!

Until next time, Mama Jess

[consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis]

7 Gluten Free Sources of Vegan Protein (That Aren't Tofu)

New blog post! Vegan. Plant-based. Flexitarian. Whatever you call it, eating less meat and more plant-based protein is in. In fact, one 2016 study found that 55 percent of Americans wanted to incorporate more plant-based foods into their diet that year. And, as those who follow my Instagram have probably realized, I'm one of them.

While I still sometimes eat meat and don't worry about sticking to a strict "vegan" diet with baked goods or processed foods, I've enjoyed experimenting with more vegan protein. The only problem? Tofu and I...well, we don't get along (in taste or my body's reaction to it). What's a girl to do? Find other ways to get protein, of course!

Today, I thought I'd share my top seven favorite sources of vegan protein - that aren't tofu! Ready to dive in? Just have a bib on hand! 1. Banza Pasta First off, I had to share one of my favorite gluten free pastas lately: Banza. I first discovered this brand when a box was included in my monthly Love With Food delivery (PSA: if you've never heard of Love With Food, check out my in-depth reviews here and here!). More recently, Banza contacted me about receiving free products in return for a review...and, of course, I couldn't type "yes" quick enough. 

Banza pasta is actually pasta made mostly of chickpeas, which means it's an A+ source of protein. In fact, one-fourth a cup of their rotini pasta (the kind I received) boasts 14 grams of protein and 8 grams of fiber. My favorite part, though, is the flavor. Compared to my typical rice pasta, Banza tastes a lot heartier. It holds up well when baked in my slow cooker mac n' cheese or just boiled on the stove top (which only takes 8-10 mins - score!).

Banza = bumpin' up the flavors!

As you could probably guess, my fave way to enjoy Banza is in vegan mac n' cheese with my homemade cheese sauce. However, it also tastes delish with pesto, spinach and extra chickpeas (got your protein, bro?) or even tossed in a salad. There really are as many options as there are Banza shapes! 2. Chia Seeds If I had to list the foods I always eat everyday, chia seeds would be at the top of the list. True, I had never heard of chia seeds before my celiac diagnosis, but once I met Mamma Chia, I've never looked back. 

Chia seeds respectively provide more omega-3, antioxidants, calcium, potassium, protein and fiber than salmon, blueberries, milk, bananas, soy beans and flax seeds. Basically chia seeds prove that good things come in small packages. I always throw in one or two tablespoons of chia seeds into my batch of smoothies. This not only bumps up the protein, but also makes my smoothies even thicker - just how I like 'em!

Chia seeds are also a MUST if you're cravin' thick and fluffy (oatless) oatmeal. The chia seeds expand and suck up the moisture, giving your oatmeal a lot of volume even if you use the same amount of ingredients as usual. Chia seeds are also a secret weapon for vegan baking, especially if you're allergic to flax seeds like I am. Instead of an egg, you can mix together one tablespoon of ground chia seeds with three tablespoons of water, as seen in my paleo and vegan pancakes.

My fave pancakes...

Chia seeds may not sound the most appetizing and, whenever my sister sees me eating them she still says, "You're going to grow a chia pet in your stomach!" But, really, chia seeds are as delicious as they are versatile for a gluten free, plant based chef.

3. All the beans! I've written about the magic of beans before, but this post wouldn't be complete without mentioning them as a source of vegan protein. When I first started eating beans, my stomach was not a fan (and I think you can fill in the blanks on what I'm talking about). However, I kept eating just small amounts of beans along with small amounts of meat/fish, and my stomach slowly adapted. 

Since I seem to be sensitive to fodmaps, I still have to watch how much I eat of certain bean types beans like chickpeas. However, I love trying out new ways to get my protein. As I've shared on my Instagram, my latest addiction is smashed black beans with potatoes and chips (for some killer creaminess and crunch).

My latest love...

One pro tip: you can also freeze your beans if, like me, you don't eat cans at a time (now that would be dangerous). Simply distribute your beans equally in a sealed plastic bag and freeze them in a layer. This let's you break off a chunk of beans and defrost just that portion whenever you like! It also keeps the beans from going bad, which saves money in the long run. Talk about a win/win. 4. YoFiit Nutritional Bars When you hear the phrase "protein bars," you probably don't think of "vegan" right after. While there are certainly plenty of bars relying on whey or other dairy/animal-based proteins, though, vegan protein bars are becoming more common. 

Recently, YoFiit reached out to me to try their new vegan (gluten free, nut free and soy free) nutritional bars. I immediately loved their ingredient list, which includes items like oats, quinoa, pea protein, cacao, and goji berries - all while offering 7 to 15 grams of protein, around 12 grams of fiber and added probiotics! I also like that they sell three different "types": a lemon coconut protein bar, an apple cinnamon morning fibre bar and a choco goji midday energy bar. Admittedly, these weren't as tasty as some of the other bars I've tried. The lemon coconut bar seemed to have a medicinal aftertaste, and the cacao goji is an acquired taste because of the bitter dark cacao. The apple cinnamon is my hands-down fave - which came as a huge surprise since I'm usually not a big apple girl!

In smoothies and granola!

As for how to use, you don't have to simply eat the bars whole! In fact, I hardly ever do that unless they're my emergency snack as I'm out running errands. Instead, I like crumbling the bars on my morning smoothie bowl or my nightly yogurt parfait for an extra hit of protein. You can even use protein bars as the secret ingredient to baked goods like homemade granola or my chocolate mug cake. Your loved ones won't even be able to tell that you snuck extra protein into their treat!  

5. Nuts and seeds Speaking of snacks, nuts and seeds are perhaps the easiest way to snack on plant based protein. While all nuts and seeds provide a degree of protein, some superstars include:

Pumpkin seeds - 28.8 grams of protein per 100 grams of seeds

Peanuts - 24.4 grams of protein per 100 grams

Pistachios - 21 grams of protein per 100 grams

Almonds - 21.2 grams of protein per 100 grams

Sunflower seeds - 19.3 grams of protein per 100 grams

As my Instagram followers know, I'm also a huge fan of nut and seed butters (I mean, who isn't?!?), ranging from sunbutter to cashew butter. They all offer varying amounts of protein, so eat what tastes best to you! 

Now, the more interesting part: how to eat them. For a savory meal, you can turn whatever nuts or seeds you have into a pesto (like with my Seed-Stuffed Pesto). If you combined this with a serving of Banza pasta - bam! Protein = met. My favorite way of eating nuts and seeds, though, will always be trail mix and homemade granola.

Pesto + roasted potato wedges = <3

Trail mix is an easy food you can take anywhere and enjoy anytime. You can also customize it to your taste buds (my personal favorite: cashews + sunflower and pumpkin seeds + shredded coconut + dried pineapple and raisins). As for granola, well, my various recipes reflect how completely addicted I am. You can sprinkle granola on smoothies or yogurt, eat it as a cereal or simply scoop it from the bag (pairing it with nut butter for even more protein)! When dessert can be healthy, the world truly is a better (delicious) place... 6. Quinoa and Buckwheat Now, both of these function as grains but are actually seeds - making them delicious, protein-packed alternatives to rice. In particular, quinoa offers 4.4 grams of protein per 100 grams (along with high levels of calcium, phosphorous, magnesium and folate) while buckwheat boasts 3.4 grams of protein as well as plenty of manganese, magnesium, and copper. 

Quinoa and buckwheat are also super versatile. You can buy quinoa flakes and buckwheat flakes, which are epic oatmeal alternatives. I used to eat quinoa flakes (upgraded with a variety of fruits, but butters and trail mix) for breakfast every morning. My mom, meanwhile, is still happily riding the buckwheat-flake train, eating a simple bowl of microwaved buckwheat flakes, banana, cinnamon and honey every morning.

No description needed...

You can also eat quinoa and buckwheat in savory forms, cooking them on the stove top and using them on top of salads or as the base of a stir fry or pilaf. You can also grind the grains into flour for baked goods like my pancakes or veggie-loaded pizza. And, since basically everything can go into granola, you can also toss raw buckwheat groats or quinoa into your granola batter. 7. Spirulina

Finally, last but not least, spirulina - which is also the highest source of plant based protein today. As I've written before, spirulina is actually an algae. However, this is one algae you do want to see in your food: spirulina is composed 60 to 70% of protein and offers high amounts of calcium, niacin, potassium, magnesium and iron.  

Compared to the other ingredients on this list, I definitely would not suggest eating spirulina straight. The taste isn't awful (in my opinion), but it's definitely a lil' funky. Instead, try to sneak in teaspoons of spirulina wherever you can. Add a small spoonful to your smoothie, which will not only boost the protein but also create a gorgeous green color. 

When "ice cream" = plant based protein, life is good!

You can also mix spirulina into your yogurt, (oatless) oatmeal, chia seed pudding or bliss balls/banana bombs. Just remember that less is more (because it's better to get some spirulina than add so much, you can't even eat what you created!), and add more according to taste. While spirulina's health benefits are probably best when left uncooked, you can also experiment with spirulina in baking. 

Sure, sometimes cooking with plant-based protein is harder than just grilling a steak. However, vegan protein can be just as delicious - and easy to use - as meat once you know what sources to look for and how to get creative in the kitchen. 

And if you're ever craving a protein-packed breakfast that isn't eggs...just remember that you can't go wrong with a spirulina smoothie bowl topped with granola, chia seeds and nut butter! 

*I received products from Banza and YoFiit in return for an honest review. However, all opinions, recipes and photographs are my own.*

What's your favorite way to eat your protein? What plant based proteins do you enjoy? Help me get inspired by commenting below! 

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[katechattingshit]

BPD/EUPD. Love, Listen & Respect Mental Illness.

 Last week I got a new diagnosis to go along with the lovely bunch of shit I already have­ to verify the fact that my brain does not function in the correct manner as most functioning human being’s brains work. As you all probably know if you know me either in real life or have read the other post I have written on here, you are already aware that I suffer from severe anxiety and chronic depression. I now have another mental illness label to add to my cocktail of crazy. Borderline Personality Disorder, also aptly named Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder – what a lovely label to have attached to one’s self (the sarcasm doesn’t translate well over text, but trust me it’s there). I have only just found this out, but although that this is the case I have always been aware that my brain and thinking pattern is not and has never been the same as those around me, I knew from my early teens that potentially something was up. I got diagnosed with my depression at about 15/6, then later aware for my anxiety in my later teens. I queried having BPD/EUPD back in 2011 to my GP, after doing extensive reading online trying to figure myself out and find out if there was a reason for my peculiar ways and funky thinking – this got swept under the rug, not considered and forgotten about quickly as I don’t really think my GP took me all that serious. In the last few years the thought that what I was experiencing was more than depression and anxiety plagued my mind. I think everyone has had the experience when your body is trying to tell us something, and you just know something is up, I mean it’s your body, you tend to be in tune with it. Until recently, I had forgotten about Borderline Personality Disorder after it being dismissed way back when, although I’ve still often felt over the last three years especially that something was still wrong. I, myself felt like I could be Bipolar, I knew the symptoms and felt like I very much fit in the category. When being told about BPD I also was informed that it often gets mixed up and misdiagnosed as Bipolar as some of the symptoms such as extreme mood swings acquaint for both disorders. The big difference often being though that with BPD the mood swings are far more erratic, changing in extremes in very short amounts of times, within minutes, hours or days – which is me to a tee.

Telling people I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder has been rather odd experience for various reasons. Firstly, most people have never heard of it. People only really tend to know the more well-known personality disorders such as Bipolar or OCD. As people have never heard of it, it seems that some people have had a harder time grasping the fact that it is a real thing. Not that people think I’m making this up, but I have had a few people say terms such as “well you could say that everyone has a personality disorder”, “we all fall on the spectrum somewhere” or “who told you that?!”. These statements aren’t exactly wrong I guess, but when said to me make me feel a little bit shitty. Yes, we do all fall on the mental health spectrum somewhere at differing points in our life, but this is something that I am dealing with now, is very much real and is causing extreme upset and worry in my life. Also, I have been told, by medical professionals, I’m not making this shit up – trust me. I know that people who say certain things that upset me or make me feel a little belittled don’t mean too, but it has hurt me several times recently where I feel people aren’t taking it seriously. What I am going through with my mental health at the moment is serious. I am not well, I am suicidal and very unhappy. Just because you haven’t heard of a disease or disorder, don’t mean it doesn’t exist or doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously. This is one of the major things wrong with the perception of mental health. Yes, people all fall on the spectrum. Yes, lots of people suffer. Yes, people suffer with differing elements in different ways. There are different names, different symptoms, different coping mechanisms. Everyone’s experience is different, but no experience dealing with mental health is joke or needs to be belittled. Let’s try and understand, not judge and educate ourselves about these things, especially if it directly affects someone you love. It’s like, for example, if someone you love had diabetes, you would learn all you could to understand, respect and help in any given situation.

My mum has been great – bless her, she always is. Literally as soon as I was diagnosed she was on Amazon ordering a bunch of books on BPD/EUPD, because she wants to understand me and know how she can deal and help me. ‘God’ bless my mother.

There needs to be more understanding, love and respect towards mental health and those who suffer and are burdened with it every day. You don’t necessarily have to order a bunch of books, or even research online about it, but if someone comes to you telling you about their depression, anxiety, personality disorder, or any mental health condition of any shape or form, listen, learn, love and respect ladies and gentleman – just listening might help save a life.

(Here is a link to the National Institute of Mental Health page about Borderline Personality Disorder if you wish to read more in depth and understand: 

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml )

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Ask D'Mine: Addicted to Benzos, Too Many Correction Doses?

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Ask D'Mine: Addicted to Benzos, Too Many Correction Doses?

Substance abuse with diabetes, doctors who don't like the way you're using your insulin pump — these are just a few of the prickly issues we deal with here at our weekly advice column, Ask D'Mine, hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois.

Send us your queries related to life with diabetes — nothing is off-limits here! (except of course specific medical instructions for your own care; that's what doctors are for)

Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com

Megan from California, type 1, writes: I am addicted to benzodiazepines, if you know what they are, and I'm wondering if the drug abuse can affect or be the reason I'm a diabetic now? I'm having a really hard time coming off them ... I guess my question is, can it affect my blood sugars?

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: Oh yeah, I know what benzos are. But just in case some of our readers don't: They're a highly addictive family of depressant meds—tranquilizers in plain English—intended to counteract seizures, reduce muscle spasms, relieve anxiety, or serve as sleep aids. They act in a dose-dependent manner. Small doses have a mild sedative effect, middle of the road doses chill people waaaaay out, and whopping doses knock your lights out. Ummm... and I'm not even sure if I should mention this, but benzos are one of the media-hyped "date rape" drugs.

Worldwide, more than 2,000 different benzos are in production, but here in the U.S. there are 15 different types that are FDA approved including the trade names Ativan, Librium, Versed, Xanax, and my personal favorite: the 38-year-old blockbuster Valium. More than 108 million prescriptions are written for benzos in the U.S. annually, placing them at the number 11 slot of the top-20 most prescribed types of meds. For perspective, in sixth place, are anti-diabetes meds, with 165 million prescriptions. (Inquiring minds want to know the top three? In first place are cholesterol meds, in second place are antidepressants, and in third place are narcotic pain killers. Welcome to PharmaLand.)

Oh, and just so none of you judgmental-types mistake Megan for a low-life, benzos are handed out like candy by primary care docs, are highly addictive, and benzo addiction is a lot more common than you might suspect. Try this on for size: six percent of the U.S. population has abused benzos at one point or another.

In addition to being highly addictive, benzos have some nasty side effects from long-term use. As the drug's effect is on the central nervous system, long-term bad shit includes amnesia, hostility, irritability, and funky dreams. Withdrawal is also markedly wicked, not unlike the DT's suffered by severe alcohol abusers.

I remember my wife's grandmother, a sweet little old lady of 86 years old, had gotten addicted to very high volumes of Ativan prescribed by her primary care doc. She had been hospitalized for some other issue and the hospitalist (who must have gotten his medical degree in Mogadishu) stopped her Ativan cold-turkey, rather than tapering it down as any first year Resident would know to do. That night she attacked a nurse and pulled out huge clumps of the poor woman's hair.

She had to be restrained and we were called in.

Grandma had a wild-animal look in her eyes when I arrived on the scene, and she was convinced that I'd been replaced by an imposter. "That can't be Wil, he's too skinny!" (I had lost around 70 pounds following my diagnosis.) As we wheeled her out to the car she was screaming at the top of her lungs that she was being kidnapped by strangers. Oh, and she also started screaming that there was a bomb in the hospital and everyone should run for their lives. Interestingly, no one came to her rescue and no one ran for their lives. I don't know if that says more about our society or how respectable I look.

Moving on... did your addiction cause your diabetes? Well, we don't really know what causes type 1 diabetes, but I think we can be pretty confident that it isn't benzos or we'd have a helluva lot more type 1s on our hands. And let's not forget that benzo-addicted kids, while not unheard of, are a lot less common than benzo-addicted adults — while most newly diagnosed type 1s are kids.

As to the effect the benzos might have on your blood sugar, not much, or least not much that I can find. (Although apparently scarfing down a lot of carbs can make withdrawal symptoms worse in some people trying to kick the habit.) Of course, coming off of benzos is going to entail some serious withdrawal, which can be pretty grueling, as you know. I wouldn't be surprised if you had some trouble with blood sugar control during this time as your body will be putting up quite a fight.

For what it's worth, I did find one source, from the Japanese Journal of Pharmacology, reporting on a study in Brazil, on diabetic rats... and at this point I wonder if I should even go on? Oh well, what the hell: this study showed that if you give diabetic rats benzos it increases their insulin levels and lowers their blood sugar. But I couldn't even find out how many rats were studied.

So if anything, your addiction should help lower your blood sugar, not make higher.

That said, I think you should continue your efforts to get yourself clean, and to do that you need some folks on your side. You'll need to come off the benzos slowly. You'll need expert medical guidance, some counseling, and a ton of support from friends and family. And don't forget your online family. We're here for you, Sister.

Kellan from Ireland, type 1, writes: My endo wasn't impressed when he was going through my pump and discovered I was having up to 12 boluses per day. Even though I'm achieving much better numbers now than I ever was, he feels like I need to change this. If I'm achieving better numbers, then what's the problem??

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: For about 12 years, my mom's VCR flashed "12:00" all the time because no one could figure out how to set the damn clock and it really didn't matter because she never did any timed recording, anyway. Did that make the VCR useless? Heck no. She could still make Blockbuster runs or hit the record button to tape something she was watching.

Was she using the VCR wrong? Maybe. But who the f--- cares? It was working for her.

And speaking of little old ladies, I have a little old lady patient we put on a pump about a year ago (she chose the pink one). Epic medical politics were involved, as her primary care doc was in another city but couldn't sort out her diabetes so she sent the lady to us. We decided a pump was the best solution, but her particular insurance would only accept a pump prescription from an endo. Then the endo wanted the little old lady to see the CDE in the endo's office, and this particular CDE was a complete idiot. No really, she was. The patient was a type 2 but the CDE set the bolus limit so low the pump wouldn't give the patient any insulin at meals (type 2s need more). But I digress.

Anyway, this little old lady had, pre-pump, been doing absolutely terribly. Her A1C was through the roof and her blood sugar was highly variable. Like all over the map. Ambulances were called for lows. She spiked into the 500s. She was what I like to call a CTW: a certified train wreck.

Over a couple of months I got her back on track. Her mornings ran a hair low, 90ish, but stable, and her peak after-meal readings were coming in around 160. It was a frickin' miracle in my book.

But her endo had a fit.

Why?

Because she wasn't counting carbs and using the bolus wizard.

Did I mention this lady has had a couple of strokes? Or that her eating patterns are very uniform from day-to-day? I didn't think she was up to learning carb counting, so I did an end-run and had her use a flat-rate meal bolus from the pump. We got a good basal rate set up, and worked out an effective correction ratio for her rare high blood sugars, all of which were triggered by tangles with her alcoholic low-life daughter. (Not that alcoholics are low-lifes; this woman just happened to be both.)

Was I using her pump "right"? Not really. Did I give a shit? Not really. Look, a pump is just a fancy syringe. It's "job" is to help PWDs control their blood sugar to the best of their abilities. I was judging our success by our results. Silly me.

The endo blew a gasket 'cause we weren't using the pump to the fullest extent possible. She got so mad she yelled at my little old lady and made her cry. My patient came back to me with her tail between her legs, depressed and defeated that her 6.1 A1C and lack of ambulance rides just wasn't good enough for the endo. "I guess I have to learn to carb count," she told me.

Or we can use the phone book, I said.

"But how will the phone book help me count carbs?" she nearly wailed.

I won't, I said, but we can use it to find another endo.

So I'll confess to being willing to break all the rules. When it comes to health, at least, I do believe the ends justify the means. My mom's VCR served her just fine with no idea what time it was. My little old lady controlled her diabetes just fine using 10% of her pump's capabilities.

Kellan, I think if you have to take correction boluses 12 times per day it's true that your pump is not programed to its fullest capabilities. And I guess that in theory, if you took too many boli too close together you could "stack" your insulin and give yourself a down-stream low. But if you're not having lows, don't mind taking the 12 boli, and your diabetes is well-controlled, then the problem is your endo's, not yours.

Ireland, huh? I think you and your pump should go to the nearest pub, get out the phone book, and find a new endo.

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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