#guess who did everything on one layer and now cant change anything THIS GUY

[parisoonic]

🫂

[wreckofawriter]

Games (soulmate au)

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader

Word count: 2,382

Warnings: Making out?

Request: hi! It’s me again, could I request a Fred Weasley soulmate au? The type where their soulmates first word’s to them is tattooed on their body? Please make it fluffy and cute, thank you! :)

A/n: I am so sorry this was late. I had a grad party I forgot about! Also I'm probably going to have the other request out on Wednesday I'm so sorry but I have another grad party 2mmaro and I wont have time to write. Hope you guys like it!

The words in Fred's ankle had always been, well controversial at his household. His mother sure didn't like them. George thought they were hilarious. Ginny thought they were almost sad, sad that was how him and his soulmate would meet. Ron agreed with George, Percy thought they were ridiculous and his other brothers thoughts were pretty neutral. Fred simply thought they were odd. And as he looked down at the words, he couldn't help but smile, this was going to be one interesting person.

You snickered watching as your seeker checked his hair in the mirror again.

"You know Malfoy maybe if you spent less time putting grease in your hair and more time practicing then we would be winning for a change."

He whipped around glaring at you. "That's not very good team spirit y/l/n." He seethed.

"And since when are Slytherins known for their teamwork?"

He rolled his eyes and snatched his broom from the rack and joined the rest of the team in the horseshoe they had made around their captain.

You glanced around trying not to look as bored as you were. You have heard it a thousand times before; kick Gryffindors ass. Nothing new, except for the fact that your seeker was almost ok and theirs was amazing. Which meant it was basically up to you to score a shit ton of points before the snitch was caught. It was all quite stressful.

As you walked out onto the pitch you heard a mix of boos and cheers, the former as always, over powering the latter. You ignored the crowd and boarded your broom. You flew a couple feet in the air and waited for the whistle. When you took a deep breath and then sped upwards. If everything went right Montague should have the quaffle ready and waiting for you. And he did. You snatched the pass and made your way toward the goals where you could see Wood waiting.

You ducked under a bulger, dodged some girl in a red uniform and made for the large hoops. You reached for the quaffle tucked under your arms and shot it in the far left hoop. It soared through and you whipped around to get back to your position.

The game had been going for hours. It was hot and sunny and you had already ditched your outer layer. Currently you had scored 160 points, you were doing pretty well. All together your team had 210 points while Gryffindor was 50 points behind. Things were looking up.

You were headed towards the hoops once again the quaffle locked securely under your arm. You were about to shoot when out of nowhere something hit you straight in your side.

You dropped the quaffle and tipped off your broom with a scream. You managed to keep your feet wrapped around the handle and was hanging there attempting to reach your arms up. When you finally did, the pounding of your heart on your ears stopped and you could hear shrieking laughter.

You turned to see Fred Weasley pointing and laughing at you.

You flashed a brilliant shade of red before shouting, "If you don't shut up Weasley I'll shove that bat up your ass."

His smile dropped. A look of absolute astonishment replaced his joyful features. He felt his heart stop. You flew away with a scoff and an eye roll, you had no clue what you had just done to that boy.

For the rest of the match Fred could simply not focus. He hardly hit any blunders and most of them were completely off target. George scolded the boy and tried to get his head back in the game but it was helpless. He wanted to say something to you but what? What could he possibly say, "Oh hey what's up, your my soulmate by the way." It was all so stupid.

Gryffindor lost when Draco caught the snitch and Slytherin was celebrating in there locker room as Oliver almost killed Fred in their locker room.

"What the hell!" He yelled at the red head. "You couldn't hit a thing this whole match!"

"Look I'm sorry. I was distracted." Fred apologized.

Oliver didn't seem to care for his apologies at all. "You were doing fine." he sighed, "And then suddenly you knock y/l/n off her broom and you cant hit the broadside of a barn with a bludger."

"Look Wood, I'm sorry." Fred apologized again trying to make it sound sincere although his thoughts were elsewhere.

"What in Merlin's name could have made you so distracted any way Fred?"

Fred paused, the whole team was listening there was no way he was saying anything. "I just umm was?" He raised his eyebrows, hoping that his captain would buy it. Which of course he didn't.

"What eas it Weasley?" Oliver practically growled

Fred cast his gaze downwards trying to aviod eye contact with anyone.

"I swear to Merlin Wweasley if you don't tell me what gave Malfoy a free ride to the snitch I will-"

"She's my soulmate alright!?" Fred yelled his patients wore through.

"Wait, y/l/n is your soulmate?" It was George talking this time. His eyes were wide and mouth slightly agape, he was mimicking the rest of the team.

"Yeah." Fred looked down blushing a bit, he wasn't used to these situations. "But she doesnt know so don't tell her." He added quickly.

"Alright, sorry for laying into Fred." Oliver said.

"Its fine." He waved it off. He then turned to George panick in his eyes.

"How is she my soulmate?" Fred asked his twin desperate for an answer. They were now sitting in the Gryffindor common room eating candy they got from honeydukes.

"I don't know mate, but I wouldn't be too concerned. I mean she's hot." George pointed out, stuffing a chocolate frog in his mouth.

"Yeah but she’s Slytherin." Fred groaned.

"It probably won't be that bad Fred, you are destined to be together."

"How are we destined to be together? I mean we sure as hell aren't best buds." Fred said popping a fizzing whizbee in his mouth.

"So what," George started his voice muffled by chocolate, "You'll get along, just wait till Ron finds out he'll flip."

"Ok then what should I do?" Frdd asked

"You have to talk to her idiot." George pointed out.

"WWhat do I say?" The older twin asked.

The younger just shrugged, "Wwhatever you say will be on her ankle anyway so just try and make it romantic."

"Alright." Fred said still quite unsure on what to do.

You sat in potions trying not to laugh your ass off as Angelina a girl from Gryffindor totally ditched her potion.

You had finished ages ago and were simply waiting to be dismissed. You glanced down at your watch. Five minutes.

You had been anxious to get back to the quidditch pitch. You had to get in some more practice before the next match. You were playing hufflepuff and wanted to stick iit to Cadwallader. You had five gallons on the fact you would score more points then him in the upcoming match and you'd don't lose.

So when Snape finally said you could go you practically slept from your seat in excitement.

You sprinted down the hallways as quickly as you could only run striated into someone. You fell backwards landing hard on your butt and letting out a yelp of pain. You book bag had slid across the floor and hit the opposite wall of the thin hallway.

"Oh Merlin, are you alright?" A voice asAsked and you about passed out. Those were the words on your ankle. You looked up to see a mess of red hair with matching red robes and red cheeks. His eyes seemed to glow in the candlelight as he stuck his hand out for you to grab. You felt the heat rise in your face as well, since when was Fred Weasley so attractive?

"Shit, I said something didn't I." He looked upset, as he pulled you to your feet. You felt your face grow even brighter at contact with his surprisingly soft hands.

"Uh yeah ya did." You practically whispered your y/e/c eyes big as golf balls.

"So then you know?" He asked fidgeting with his robes.

"Know what?" You asked completely bewildered by the things that had happened in the past minute.

"That your my soulmate." He laughed.

"Yeah I guess I know that." You said your mind was going crazy. Fred Weasley was your soulmate? What? I mean sure he's incredibly good looking and funny and smart and great at quidditch but, what?!

"You probably don't even know which twin I am." He laughed a bit although the idea of his soulmate not knowing who he was hurt. "Im-"

"Fred." You finished for him. "I know who you are."

"Really?" Fred asked eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yeah I do. Wait, how did you know o was your soulmate?"

Fred blushed as your y/e/c eyes gleamed up at him. Your y/h/l y/h/c hair framed your face beautifully and he was suddenly struck with how attractive you are. Your face was dusted pink and it made you look incredible. "Well umm, remember when I knocked you off your broom yesterday?"

"Vividly" you answer eyes narrowed a bit, your arms now crossed.

"Well afterward you said-"

"If you don't shut up Wesley I'll shove that bat up your ass." You finished for him again doing your best to contain the laughter inside you. You failed miserably and burst with giggles. He thought it was the most amazing sound to ever grace his ears.

"Wait wait wait," you managed to squeak out still giggling, "Is that seriously tattooed on your ankle?"

"Yep." And to prove it Fred pulled his sock down and showed you the words printed on to his pale skin

You burst in a wave of fresh laughter, "I'm sure your mom loves that." You said between laughs.

"Glad you find my misfortune so hilarious." Fred said rolling his eyes playfully.

"Oh come on. If it was me with those words on my ankle you would be losing your shit." You pointed out still laughing.

"Your right, I should have said something closer to, 'Look where the fuck your going." As payback." He smirked and you burst into laughter once again.

"You should have!" You were crying with joy at this point, "It would have been one hell of conversation starter!"

Now Fred was laughing too, his smile bright. He looked down at your giggling form and he was once again talking by your beauty. Your eyes shining with tears and gleaming with joy. Your extremely soft looking lips a light pink color were stretched into a wide slightly lopsided smile.

As he stared your laughter died out and you had looked back up at him, you blushed a bit to find his gaze on you, "Like what you see Weasley?" You asked a cocky smirk on your lips.

"In fact I do." He said smirking right back and leaning down a bit to be somewhat level with your eyes.

"Well you aren't exactly ugly." You bit your lip as you did so and Fred about lost it. Keep it cool he reminded himself. So instead he placed his hand over his heart dropped his mouth and blinked a few times feigning hurt.

"That's what I get as a complement?" He asked in fake surprise, "I'm offended."

"Ever the dramatic Weasley." You smirked.

"I am quite a good actor." He said leaning closer to you, you could feel his breath on your cheek and your smirk dropped. He had to know that he was doing right? That wasn't fair.

"Im good at more than acting though." He winked, smirking as you blushed a deep crimson.

You attempted to stay on track, "A-and what else might you be good at? I haven't seen much." It would have been fine if you didn't stutter but damn he was really close to you and smelled like a mix of smoke and chocolate. It was completely infatuating.

"Oh, you'll see plenty." You wanted to smack the smirk off his face. He was playing with you, but you weren't in the mood for games anymore.

"Oh shut up." You whispered face burning. With that you yanked him down to meet you lips. He was clearly taken off guard but kissed back quite quickly once your lips moved against his. He quickly pushed you up against the wall and grabbed your waist. Your hands found their way to his fiery hair, it was surprisingly soft. You felt his tongue glide against your bottom lip and you opened your mouth, granting it access.

When he pulled away your lungs were burning and you gasped for air.

"I hope you know this doesn't change anything on the pitch." You said.

"Of course, I'm just going to have to make sure not to hit your face with any bludgers. Wouldn't want to ruin its beauty, would I?" He winked.

"What every weakness you show I will use to my advantage." You smirked shrugging.

"I like the sound of that." He winked again.

"Keep it up and you will only be able to blink with one eye." You said eyebrows raised.

"Winking won't do that." He pointed out.

"Yeah but me poking one of your eyes out will." You deadpanned.

"Has anyone ever told you your a little scary?" Fred asked as he leaned in again.

"Yep-" you were cut off by his lips.

"Y/l/n!"

You pushed Fred off of you to see Malfoy standing a few feet away a disgusted look etched on his face.

"Captain wants you, so get the Weasel’s tongue out of your throat so you can actually talk." He scoffed

"I'll see you later." You whispered to Fred. Before walking towards the platinum blonde. "You call him weasel again and I will cut your tongue off and make you eat it." You flashed the now terrified boy a cheeky smile and walking towards the pitch the young seeker sulking at your heels.

"See ya later Mouthful!" Fred shouted saluting the boy as he walked out the door.

Masterlist

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Ghostly/Demonic Possession

Main Taglist: (Send an ask to be added or removed!) @starlocked01​​​​ @spoopy-turtle​​​​ @lizluvscupcakes​​​ @more-fandon-than-friends​​, @i-cant-find-a-good-username​, @vindicatedvirgil​, @star-crossed-shipper​, @justaqueercactus​, @gayboopnoodle​, @sanderssidesweirdo​

Virgil stood outside the house, his best friends at his side. “I don’t know guys, I don’t think we should be doing this.”

“Why?” Brian asked. “Are you scared of a few ghosts?”

Virgil shook his head, shooting him a glare. “I’m afraid of a condemned building collapsing on top of me the moment I breathe wrong, doofus.”

Andy let out a snort on his other side. “Does it help any that this house isn’t condemned?”

“That’s not what the stories say.”

“The stories also say that there are demons in there waiting to eat your soul.” Brian argued back. “Are you going to believe everything you read on the internet?”

Virgil stared at him. “Brian, we are literally here because you want to see those demons waiting to eat your soul and you want to use that as an example for not believing everything on the internet?” He deadpanned.

Andy full on laughed at that. “He’s got you there, buddy.”

Brian threw his hands in the air. “Are we going to go in or not, you cowards?”

Virgil squared his shoulders. “Of course we are.” He took a deep breath, and walked into the house, the others right on his heels.

It looked like any other abandoned house an urban explorer would find. A layer of dust covered everything and the floorboards creaked with every step. They found what must have been the dining room, a long table covered in a white cloth that had grayed with time, chairs placed evenly around it, and a chandelier hanging from the middle of the ceiling. 

Brian giggled and pulled out a piece of chalk and some candles that he arranged in the shape of a pentagram with a goat’s head inside. He placed a bowl of mixed ingredients that Virgil couldn’t identify from his place by the door. Finally, he took a scrap of paper out of his bag and set it off to the side. 

Virgil shook his head. “What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to summon a demon.” 

Andy stood inside the room but not as close as Brian was to the table. “Is that really the best idea? Do you even know which demon is going to be summoned?”

Brian shook his head. “This is a first come, first served kind of summons.”

“Don’t be such a worry wart.” Brian teased. 

Virgil sighed and walked over to stand on Brian’s left. “I just want this known that it’s not a great idea.”

“Alright then, how about you do it?” Brian grinned as he turned to face Virgil, who blanched.

Andy put a hand out. “Brian, I don’t think we should force him. If he doesn’t want to do it, he doesn’t have to.”

Virgil shrugged, trying to prove that he wasn’t scared. “I’ll do it. I just want the record to show that I think this is stupid and a waste of time.” He set his hands lightly on the table, reading over the words to the summons carefully. He knew that the slightest of stutters could cause it to go horribly wrong. It was a fairly easy one, short and simple. Within no time, he had said it perfectly.

The temperature change was the first sign that something had gone wrong. Andy’s gaze traveled along the table before looking up at Brian. “Did you remember the salt circle?”

Brian smacked his forehead. “I knew I forgot something at home.”

Their bickering continued as the temperature dropped. Virgil could no longer hear their squabbles as the wind howled. The other two seemed oblivious to the wind as time seemed to slow for Virgil.

A loud, booming voice spoke next to his left ear. “Foolish mortals!” Virgil jumped, not that the other two noticed. They had gone still as stone. “Daring to summon me, of all demons!”

Virgil decided to be brave for once in his life. “Who are you, exactly?” He thought, thinking that if the voice was inside his head he shouldn’t have to speak aloud for it to hear him.

The voice had the audacity to be offended. “Why, I’m Remus, archduke of the demon court.” He paused, raising Virgil’s right hand. It hadn’t sunk in until that moment that Virgil was possessed by a demon. “Is there something wrong with your flesh cage?” The booming voice echoed from Virgil’s right.

Virgil gave a mental shrug, unable to move his own limbs. “Define wrong with it?”

“It is numb, like there is nothing going on. At the same time, it feels like static.”

“Oh! I dunno. I just get like that sometimes.”

“It hurts slightly. The top of the meat cage is pulsing with pain. So is the spine.”

“The headache is fine. The spine is due to bad posture.”

“Why is there a stinging in your elbows?”

Virgil shrugged again. “I don’t know! My body just does that.”

“I don’t like it.”

Virgil gave the mental picture of his arms crossed, a stern look on his face. “Deal with it. I’m not letting you possess one of the others.”

Remus laughed as he manipulated Virgil’s limbs once more. “As if I need your permission to do anything.”

“You’ve got me there.” Virgil responded. “So, what are you going to do with me now that you’ve got a flesh cage of your own?”

Remus tilted the head back and forth. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead, actually.” He thought for a few more minutes, humming the tune to a song long faded from any living being’s memory. “I guess I should just let you go.”

Virgil would have widened his eyes or leaned his head back a bit if he were in control. “That easily?” He was hesitant to ask in case Remus changed his mind.

“Yeah, this flesh cage isn’t comfortable for me. Maybe I’ll visit you once I get a flesh cage that feels right.”

“Remus?” Virgil asked. When he got a hum in response, he continued. “Can you be seen in your spirit form or do you need a human host to stay in this plane of existence?”

“I can be seen by those I’ve already possessed, yes.”

Virgil hummed happily. “You can come visit if you want?”

“Are you inviting a demon into your home?”

Virgil really wished he could shrug right now. “I mean, you’ve already rejected me as a host so I don’t see how it could get worse. I mean, you seem lonely and I don’t mind having a poltergeist as a friend.”

“Deal, so long as you never compare me to those measly peasants again.”

[delectablyalicee]

Nick Jonas’s New Assistant (Part Three)

Part One  Part Two

You get a call one day, someone asking you to fill a personal assistant job. They give you little information as to who for, but when you found out, things get a little more interesting.

After I came home last night I sat down with myself and just breathes. Oh yeah, It's Nick Jonas. That is crazy. It's totally 100% crazy, but it is what's happening. They called me, offered me the job, I needed it, and now we're here. I was definitely star stuck the other day, but I am a professional, and I need to act that way no matter who I am working for. I know the initial shock will wear off eventually, besides. I basically just make sure Nick gets where he needs to be and gets everything he needs in the process. It's not like I have to be his best friend. I've worked with plenty of people I had no outside of work relationships with. I can do this.

It was 7 am sharp today. This time it was a text, letting me know the car for me is here. I grab my bag, sliding it over my shoulder and double checking everything is inside. The planner, check. The contact list, check. Both of my phones, check. I grab the one for work and hold it tight in my hand. Last night I went through and put all the contacts inside of it as well as everything that was in the planner into my calendar. This is my lifeline so I need it close. I step outside and smile at George as he opens the car door for me. I thank him and slide inside. We do the same ride as yesterday, same roads, same streets, same houses passing by. When we finally pull up to Nicks place I am ready.

I thank George again as he opens the door for me, I slide out, tugging my blouse back into place. It being tucked tightly into a pair of dark blue jeans, a blazer layered over top. I walk up to the door, knocking as I open it, calling out Nicks name. As I do I peek my head in, but I don't see him. I give George a thumbs up before I step inside, letting the door shut behind me.

"Nick, Its (y/n), you awake?" He probably isn't. It is 7:30 am. I start to walk up the stairs, figuring I would just go wake him up. I look down at my phone. We need to be somewhere in an hour. I walk up to his bedroom, the door is shut. I lift a hand to knock.

"Nick hello, its time to wa-" I am cut off by the door opening, Nick standin in front of me with nothing but blanket wrapped around his lower half.

"Shit (y/n) forgot about the early morning can you just give me a second?" He asks.

I nod "Yeah, but we have to leave in 30 minutes." Today I speak with way more confidence when speaking to him. He's my boss, treat him that way.

"Yup, got it." He nods.

"Don't be late." I say a bit jokingly as I turn around, heading back down the stairs. I start the coffee pot, this time setting it to make enough for the both of us. I grab to mugs from the cabinet and set them out before taking a seat at the bar stool, pulling my phone from my pocket. I open the calendar and look at today.

8:30 am Morning show interview

12:00pm Lunch meeting with tour manager

9:00 pm Listening party at the studio

He might have let me off easy yesterday, but today is a full day, but I am more than ready for it. I check the time, Its been about a few minutes. I hear the coffee machine go off and get up, grabbing the freshly brewed pot and pouring it into both cups. I hear footsteps hurrying down the stairs.

"we still hav—" I cut myself off as I look up and see that its in fact, not Nick, but some girl I've never seen before.

"smells good" she says, looking at the coffee as she quickly passes by me, hurrying out the front door. I can't help but laugh a bit. I thought that shit only happened in movies. But then again, I am the assistant of a famous musician and actor. I shake my head a bit and put some sugar and creamer into my coffee, giving it a stir before taking a sip. About a minute later I hear heavier footsteps coming down the stairs, I look up to see Nick. I grab the coffee I just poured him and hand it over before taking a sip of my own.

"Had fun last night I see" I say jokingly as I keep my eyes locked onto my phone screen

Nick laughs a bit and I look up at him, he shrugs. "I mean, yeah."

We both laugh, and I shake my head. "Alright, well we've got places to be." I dump whats left in my mug into the sink, setting it inside before heading over to the door, opening it and gesturing for nick to go ahead of me.

"Ladies first" he says as he holds onto the door, I nod a thank you and step past him. Making my way to the car.

During the car ride it stays pretty silent until Nick speaks up, "Big change I see."

I look down at myself, thinking maybe I dressed way too differently, before giving him a slightly confused look.

He chuckles and speaks again, "You just seem less... scared. No offence of course!"

I laugh a bit and then nod, "Yeah, what did I say, I like to be good at my job."

He nods but doesn't say anything else.

"anyway," I say "the hosts of the morning show are names Lisa and David. Its supposed to be about a 15-20 minute run through and then we're out. We need to leave pretty much immediately after because we have a lunch meeting with Lucas, your tour manager. Sound okay?" I ask as I look over at him. I smile spreads widely across his face as he nods his head.

"sounds perfect."

The morning show went well, thankfully. We stayed on schedule and had no major mishaps. It's about 9:45 and they are pulling the wires from the mic off of Nick. He is talking to the two hosts, smiles and jokes are being shared. I see him tug his shirt up just slightly to help the sound guy relieve him from the wires of the mic. I couldn't help but stare, but I quickly pull my eyes away. Nope, I cant do that. He is my boss. This is professional. I nod to myself and am startled by a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head to see George.

"we ready to head out?" He asks me

I smile and nod at him, "yup one second."

I move away and over to nick and the hosts, "Sorry to break this up guys, Nick and I just have somewhere important to be." The hosts nod in understanding and Nick gives me an approving smile. I thank the hosts and say a quick goodbye before having security come to help escort us out. As we get closer to the exit I hear something weird..

"Is that.. Is that.. screaming?" I turn to Nick and George with a confused look. They both laugh immediately.

"Oh yes, that's screaming. You'll get used to it. Just stay close to the security guards and you'll be fine" George says

My eyes widen a bit out of shock, I guess this never crossed my mind, that we would need to deal with well.. fans, crazy ones at that. The security opens the doors and the screaming irrupts, hitting me like a ton of bricks. George and I smoosh nick between us as the guards cover us. We slowly make our way to the car, hands reaching out in hopes for a touch, inaudible screams becoming even louder the closer Nicks to someone. It felt like we were talking for hours, but it was really only a short few steps to the car. George opens the door and I give Nick a gentle shove inside before quickly sliding in after, shutting the door tightly. I hear the car start up and we make a slow decent forward. I jump as I'm startled by a hand hitting the window, I look to see the face of a girl who looks to be 15. Her teeth are lined with braces and she's screaming something I cannot understand. I turn to Nick.

"I swear this is like a scene out of a scary movie" I say, laughing.

"it can feel like that sometimes. They mean the best. The Paparazzi are the ones that can sometimes get to me, but I love seeing fans be there for me."

"Wow, you really are as nice as they say."

"I try" he replies with a chuckle.

"well, on that note. We've got an hour drive to lunch, you hungry?"

"I will be."

"perfect."

The ride stayed pretty quiet, Nick and I both staying busy on our phone's. Phil texted me checking in, and I was glad I could confidently tell him things were going well. Once we get to the place we were meeting Lucas for lunch I see us drive around to the back. Once the car stops, two large men step out of the back door.

"that's our que" Nick says, scooting closer to me to make me step out of the car.

I don't see any screaming girls this time, so I open the door and slide out, grabbing my bag as Nick slides out after me. The guards lead us inside. I can hear other people talking and enjoying their lunches, but I don't see them. We are lead into a private room where Lucas is already sitting. He stands as we walk in. Nick and him share a hug before he extends a hand out to me.

"Lucas, and you are?" he asks

"(y/n), Nicks Assistant." I smile, giving him a firm handshake.

"Wow, I was hoping for Nicks sake you were a new girlfriend" He says jokingly. I laugh and shake my head a bit as I sit down, seeing Nick give Lucas a death glare.

"Excuse me can you not harass my assistant." Nick says to Lucas in a joking manner.

Lucas just laughs and then reaches for a notebook, setting it on the table. As he does so a waiter comes by, asking us what we would like to drink. Nick orders a beer on draft, I just ask for a water. The waiter steps out and we all pull the menus open. My eyes widen a bit at the prices. Wow.. I think Nick notices my shock and leans in, handing a gold credit card to me.

"Almost forgot this. "Company" card. Takes care of all expenses like this." He starts speaking louder now "except this one, cause Lucas has got this one, right Lucas?" I take the card from Nicks hand as Lucas laughs.

"ah, I got hers, but you're on your own, buddy" They both laugh, I do as well as I slip the card into my wallet. Company expenses. Funny since the "company" is Nick.

We order a food and then get right to business. Lucas starts naming off bands/artists they could line up to open for him on his next upcoming tour. Some I've heard of, some I haven't. Nick Maybe's and No's them as Lucas lists them off. They narrow It down to all the maybe's and go from there. They finally settle on 3 that they both think are good. They both ask me my opinion, but I haven't heard of any of the bands they chose so I just smiled and nodded and went along with what I think they wanted me to say. Our food comes shortly after and we immediately dig in, Lucas and Nick still talking business.

"Are we just naming it after the album?" Lucas asks Nick

Nick nods "yeah, I mean it's the reason I'm touring so might as well."

They both nod as they take bites. Soon business talk starts to end and friendly banter begins, something I can be way more apart of. We talk and laugh and joke a bit. Talking a little more even after our meals are finished. The waiter brings the check, Lucas taking it from him with a thankyou before slipping a credit card inside without even a glance at the price and handing it back. I look at the time, 2:24. We talk a little more before finally deciding to part ways. As I say goodbye Lucas takes my hand, jokingly bowing and kissing the top of it. I can't help but laugh

"Nice meeting you, my lady" I shake my head with a laugh and curtsey at him

"Nice meeting you my good sir." He laughs back and then turns to say goodbye to Nick. He whispers something to him, but I can't hear. All I see is Nick give him an eye roll and a friendly punch to the shoulder. Goodbyes are done and we start heading to the door we came in at.

"So last thing on the agenda today is a 9:00 listening party at the studio, sound familiar to you?"

"Oh yeah, it's my good buddies listening party, it should be fun. Not until 9 you said?"

I nod in response. Alright well, we'll drop you off at your place so you can get ready and then I'll pick you up around 8:45, how does that sound."

"Good to me." I give him a smile before the security guards pushes the door open and I make my way to the car, sliding inside. Nick follows close behind.  

I'm applying my lipstick as I hear my work phone go off. It's Nick. "Outside. Hope you're ready" I read it with a chuckle and finish up what I was doing, grabbing my purse before stepping outside. I smile a hello to George as a slide carefully into the car beside Nick.

"You look great" He says to me with a smile

"Why thank you, so do you"

"Oh you know, I try" he says with a chuckle.

The drive is pretty short, we show up about 10 minutes after 9 and I see cars lined up for blocks and gorgeous people getting out of them. Some of them faces I recognize from magazines and such, some people I've never seen. Nick gets out of the car first and hurries over to open the door for me. I chuckle a bit at the gesture and take his hand for assistance as I step our of the car. Smoothing out my dress. I look up and see Phil walking toward us.

"Big second day, huh?"

I laugh and nod "It really is, interesting though, and thankfully going well. At least I think."

Phil looks at Nick, he nods and the a smile spreads over Phils face.

"So glad it's working out. It may have only been two days but I am already 100 times less stressed having to deal with this ass all the time." He laughs, giving Nick a playful shove. Nick jokingly rolls his eyes then offers me an arm to take as we start to make our way into the building. I look my arm around his and follow him inside. There is way more people than I was expecting to be inside. It's a weird feeling being at something like this, being surrounded by so many big names. I am relieved when I notice Nick not ever leaving me behind. If he goes somewhere to talk to someone new he always brings me along for the conversation. It's a saving grace, I don't know I could have handled this just yet on my own. I spend a lot of my time explaining I'm his new assistant, but I don't mind. Everyone I meet is very nice and very talkative, which thankfully makes it easier to keep up a conversation.

The night goes on and things continue to go smoothly, I have a few glasses of champagne but nothing more, I am still technically on the clock. Nick however had quite a few beers, but the end of the night I could tell he was getting pretty drunk, and as things started to end he said his goodbye and linked his arm with mine to leave, although this time is was more of me keeping him up and walking straight. He kept cracking jokes left and right as we walked, laughing, I struggle to get him inside.

"I'm glad to see you had fun"

"I did, a lot of fun. First time I brought home a girl I didn't plan on having sex with" He laughs and so do I, I shake my head a bit and we take off. George pulls up to my apartment and I tell him to get Nick home safe and thank him again before stepping out. Once I find my way back into my house I take seat on my couch and take a deep breath. It was a lot, but it went well. I really think I can do this.

[iwillgiveyoumyhappiness]

전웅, Jeon Woong

anonymous asked:

Ooo could I request a Woong scenario where you’re a successful solo artist and you’re Woong’s crush, and he ends up meeting you at an award show and you guys become friends? And maybe after a while he confesses on how much he likes you and it’s just fluff? Thank you so much! I also enjoy your other scenarios and I cant wait for future works!

Group: AB6IX

Member: Woong

(A/N) Listen to this with Winter Bear by V 

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Woong watched you perform with admiration-filled eyes. 

When Donghyun had first posed the idea of going to watch a concert of a newly debuted artist, he wasn’t all too sold on the idea. On his day off, he would’ve rather stayed in bed and relaxed, but he was beyond relieved that Donghyun had convinced him. 

“Since she just debuted,” Donghyun had said, “the tickets are super cheap. If she blows up, they’re never gonna be like this again.” 

Woong furrowed his brows contemplatively. “I don’t know...” he trailed off. “I kinda just wanted to pass out today.” 

He crossed his arms and pouted. “Please?” he asked, puppy-eyes prominent. “It’s late, so you can still laze around all day.” 

Finally, Woong had relented. “Fine!” he groaned. “I’ll go with you.” 

And God, was he glad that he did. 

There was something about the way your voice melded with the instrumentals, the way you were able to easily ad-lib when you felt like it, the stability in your tone as you danced, your ability to entrance the whole crowd with a single pointed glance into the camera. 

Donghyun took a break from cheering to playfully nudge the boy beside him. “This is awesome, right?” he laughed. “Aren’t you glad you came? She’s so cool!” He stared at Woong who sat unmoving, his eyes fixed on your performance. 

“Dude, are you okay?” he chuckled. “You look smitten.” 

Woong nodded slowly, just barely registering what he’d said. “I am,” he said, quieter than the music. 

Donghyun leaned in closer, cupping a hand around his ear. “What?” 

He finally tore his eyes away from the stage. “I am!” he shouted. “I think she’s my ideal type.” 

Woong groggily woke from his dream, blinking at the afternoon sun that seeped in through the curtains of the living room. He sat up on the couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

He looked around drowsily before sighing. He often dreamed of that memory, trying to recall the retails of that night. He had such a flutter in his chest from the concert and his adrenaline and excitement was so high, it was as if it had never happened at all when his high wore off. 

As time went on, it was harder and harder to recall the exact details, everything feeling like a fuzzy blur. “I feel like I’m suffering from early-onset dementia,” he huffed to himself, falling back on the couch. He just wanted to remember a fun concert.

Was that too much to ask?

He was certain that he understood ABNEWs better now. This was the legendary ‘post-concert-depression’ that he’d heard so much about on Twitter. 

It was absolutely terrible. 

All he could think about was the flashing lights and the screams. It was so hard to remember the words that you had spoken or the expressions that you had made. 

He wanted to remember that experience he had at your concert all those months ago, and he wanted to remember it well, but he was having the hardest time doing it. He’d gotten a headache over it once or twice. 

He kept mulling over the fact that he’d been so close to the stage. He’d probably never get a chance to be that close to your stages ever again, ever since your popularity skyrocketed. 

What started out as your simple debut a few months ago had shot you into a flash of cameras, overseas trips, a sizable fan-base and the fitting title of: ‘Newest Global Monster Rookie’.

As a fan, he was proud of you. But as someone who wanted to see you again, he was sulky, because he felt as if he’d never relive that moment of being so close to your passion for the stage. 

Daehwi sprinted into the room, jumping onto the couch next to him. It almost gave poor Woong a heart-attack, but the youngest member decided to ignore that small fact. “You excited?” he asked, an eager enthusiasm glimmering in his eyes.

“For?” Woong asked, taking a deep breath after his scare, via Lee Daehwi.

The youngest nudged him a little. “For tomorrow,” he clarified. “Award Show appearance? Ringing any bells?” he teased. 

A soft smile grew on his face. “Yeah,” he said while nodding. “I’m really excited for it.” He leaned his head back, closing his eyes and trying to envision what it would be like for AB6IX to receive an award... Would it be beautiful? “I hope we do well,” he said honestly.

Daehwi chuckled. “You know, I would’ve thought you would’ve been a lot more excited about this,” he said, settling into the cushions and pulling out his phone to mess around on. 

Woong crack open an eye. “I am excited,” he assured him. “What’re you talking about?” 

“I mean, you’re crush is gonna be there, so I just thought—”

Woong shot up, making the youngest jump. “She’s gonna be there?” he asked, suddenly short of breath. Daehwi nodded. Suddenly, Woong felt very self-conscious about his appearance. He messed with his bangs, trying to pull them down further. “Should I get a haircut?” he asked.

Daehwi raised an amused brow. “Why?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to judge the layers through touch. “I just mean, I don’t want it to look ratty,” he said. “Should I cut it?” He ran his fingers through it again. He nodded to himself. “Yeah, I should cut it.” 

Daehwi laughed. “Oh my gosh—your hair looks fine!” he cackled. “You care an awful lot about this,” he noted, raising a brow. 

The older member sighed. “Yeah, I guess I do,” he huffed. He rubbed his eyes, as if hoping that would wake him up further. “It’s dumb, right?” 

“Just a little bit.”

Woong nodded slowly, staring up at the ceiling. “Yeah... Yeah, it’s dumb,” he said, mostly trying to convince himself. He chuckled. “It’s a big event. Chances of me even actually seeing her anywhere other than on stage is really unlikely.” 

Daehwi tilted his head, staring at him curiously. “You know, I’ve never seen you like this before,” he mentioned. “Why do you like her so much?” 

He shrugged, honestly trying to figure it out himself. “I don’t know, really,” he said. “With the heart of a fan, I can simply say that she makes me happy and I want to support her, but I don’t know what else to say other than that. I guess I’m just so interested in what she’s like on-stage, I’ve gotten really curious about the off-stage aspects of her, too.” 

“You know,” Daehwi started, “she’s probably not exactly the same off-stage, right?” 

Woong scoffed under his breath. “Are any of us, really?” he asked. “We all change little aspects about ourselves that we think people will find unlikable. It’s just how our minds work.” Without realizing it, a small smile formed on his lips. 

“That’s why I think it’d be cool to know her personally,” he continued. “I’d like to know about the flaws that she tries to cover up, and maybe one day, she’d be able to see that flaws aren’t so bad. They’re just unique.” 

Daehwi started laughing. “You’re so whipped,” he said in English. 

His brows furrowed. “Wait—what’d you say?” he asked. The youngest only laughed harder, doubling over and nearly flying off the couch. “Lee Daehwi, what did you say?!” 

The group stepped out of the car with excited butterflies in their stomachs. They’d enviously looked at those able to walk across the red carpet before, and now they’d be the ones doing it.

It was a memory they’d keep with them for a long time.

Woong touched Woojin’s shoulder. “You gonna be okay?” he asked, referring to his ankle. 

Woojin nodded. “I’ll be fine,” he promised. He frowned. “I wish I could perform, though.” 

He gave him a small smile. “You’re doing enough,” he assured him. “You’re cool just by sitting there.” He scanned the crowd of reporters and paparazzi. It was overwhelming, but in the best way possible. 

It was like the thrill he got on stage; making him gain energy rather than fear. 

The inside was even more intimidating. There were so many people in the audience, all eagerly awaiting the upcoming performances. It was finally settling in for Woong that he would be performing on that stage soon. 

Him and his group. 

Those bright lights, cameras and expectant eyes would all be on them in less than an hour. It was a sensation that made shivers creep down his spine, but it was in an exhilarating way. 

He took a deep shaky breath and gave his pale cheek a light smack. “Let’s do well, okay?” he told himself under his breath while he looked up at the massive stage from his seat in between Youngmin and Woojin. 

He felt a light tap on his shoulder. It was so feather-light, he didn’t even jump. 

“I think you’ll do well,” he heard. 

He turned around; he felt his heart lurch when he saw the face of the person talking to him. It was the same face he’d seen months ago, though a new color had been dyed into the hair. 

It was your face. Your face that he’d looked up at as you performed on stage with such an addictive fire in your gaze. 

He stood up hurriedly, clumsily pushing his chair back with his knees. Luckily, you caught it and shoved it back upright before it could fall to the floor. He bowed a full 90 degree angle, his cheeks flushed red. “Thank you for saying that,” he choked out. “I’ll try my best!”

His words felt like vomit slipping uncontrollably out of his mouth and he was completely embarrassed (it especially didn’t help that his members were quietly laughing at him and silently judging him), but he was still grateful, down at the core of everything. 

He managed to say something at least. 

He had originally thought that if he finally got to speak to you, he’d be utterly tongue-tied, unable to say anything of true substance, but at least something came out. It was better than an awkward nod or a series of ‘um’s and ‘er’s. 

You laughed at him. “Why’re you being so formal?” you asked, tilting your head. “I debuted after you.”

He stood up straight, his cheeks burning. He couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes, so he just stared at the floor. “That’s true,” he stuttered, “but...” 

Daehwi turned back in his chair, looking at you. He beckoned you closer, making sure that Woong was still busy searching his brain for decent words. Once you’d leaned close enough, he whispered (not so subtly), “He’s a fan.”

Woong’s eyes widened. “Lee Daehwi!” he snapped, feeling the sudden need to smack the youngest in the face. 

He saw you cover your mouth, holding in a screech. “I’m a fan, too!” you blurted out. His jaw dropped. “That’s one of the reasons I was so surprised when I saw that I got to sit behind you!” 

He watched you stomp your feet with cute excitement. “I’ve been an AB6IX fan since pre-debut!” You looked to Woojin. “How’s your condition, by the way? I saw in an article that you weren’t doing so well.”

Woong supposed that was how his friendship with you began. After that small interaction, Daehwi and Donghyun kept forcing small-talk with you throughout the night. 

A simple ‘how are you enjoying the show so far?’ turned into a congratulations when you won an award, and then one for them when they won, and then exchanged phone-numbers. Fans of both you and AB6IX had gone crazy over the interactions, thinking it was the most endearing thing ever caught on camera.

Woong didn’t really know why, but he was incredibly grateful that his fans liked you as much as he did. There was a certain comfort in it. A feeling like, “Oh. I can openly be friends with you without upsetting the fans that I love”. 

It felt like having a never-ending army of support, and it made him feel warm.

He had always thought that if he kept his heart warm, a person with a warm heart would appear. He’d found himself wondering often nowadays if that warmhearted person was you. 

True enough, his first thoughts about you had been only platonic. He had a school-boy crush on you and he accepted that. He knew you’d be the person that made his heart flutter childishly, but he also expected it to fade quickly once he got to know you. 

He figured he would realize that you were both good friends, but nothing more.

Unfortunately for his busy heart and mind, that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t the case at all. 

In recent weeks, he’d started to find everything you did unbelievably endearing. Even the things he hated—like when you came up behind him and tickled under his arms—he found himself not being able to get enough of it. 

He wanted to be annoyed by you more. He wanted to be teased by you more. He wanted to marvel at you more. He wanted to laugh at your dumb jokes. He wanted to make fun of you for your ugly expressions (which he thought were cute, not ugly).

He wanted to sing with you more. He wanted to learn more choreography together and complain about things with you. He wanted you to stay his friend for a long time. He wanted for you to grow into his best friend. He wanted the both of you to continue to grow from there. 

He wanted your permission to love you fully.

He’d steeled himself in his mind. If he didn’t have your permission, he would give up. It would be slow and painful, but he would do it for your sake. If he couldn’t have you as lover, he refused to lose you as a friend. 

You’d grown too precious to him. 

That’s the reason why he was so hesitant to look at you as you both looked out the window, watching the sunset. 

You glanced at him, a chuckle creeping up the back of your throat. “Why aren’t you looking at me?” you asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the nice atmosphere that was floating around.

He shrugged. “You look ugly,” he said simply. 

You faked a gasp. “I think you mean: gorgeous!” you said, flipping your hair sassily over your shoulder. 

He started laughing. You had a way of putting him at ease. “Fine,” he sighed, finally looking at you. “Gorgeous.” It might’ve just been the color of the sky seeping through the glass, but it looked like your cheeks had flushed red. 

He scanned your features. 

Everyone on the earth has two eyes, a nose, and pair of lips. Overall, nobody is that different from the other... So, why did you look so ethereal to him in this moment? Why did you make his heart hurt so much he felt like crying?

Why did his eyes actually well up?

You looked at him with such concern, it made him grateful for you all over again. “Woongie?” you asked, shuffling closer to him. “Are you okay?” You put a hand on his shoulder. A small show of affection, but greatly appreciated. 

He gave a watery smile, shaking his head. “I don’t know,” he said, wiping his eyes. “I honestly don’t know.” He threw his head back and breathed deeply, trying to keep his tears from spilling out. “I guess I just fully realized that you’re actually beautiful,” he sighed out, his voice raspy. He felt your hand tense on his shoulder. “Like, in that indescribable way you hear about in stories.”

You tittered nervously. “What’re you talking about?” you asked. “You’re acting weird.” 

Once he was sure that his tears would stay in (at least for the time being), he looked to you, trying to gauge your expression. You didn’t look like you would pull away from him. He could trust that much. “Can I ask you something?” he wondered out loud.

You nodded slowly. “Of course you can,” you said. “Anything.” 

“Do you think I deserve to be happy?” he asked with an underlying hesitation in his tone. He didn’t want it to sound like he was guilt-tripping you. 

You looked shocked at the question, your eyes widening. You nodded without hesitation. “Of course I do!” you said. “There’s no one in this world I know that deserves more blessings than you.” Your hand fell from his shoulder, resting unwittingly on his thigh. “All I wish for you is a hopeful life,” you admitted. 

He nibbled his bottom lip thoughtfully, contemplating whether or not he should actually say what he was thinking. With a shaky breath, he made the decision to do so. He didn’t want to live with the regret of never saying this to you. 

“You know...” he started nervously, his palms becoming sweaty and the tips of his ears turning red. He shifted in his seat, not meeting your eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’d be really happy... with you,” he finally said. 

He could sense your silence. Your lack of response. It scared him. 

“I’m not saying this to make you feel like you have to return my feelings,” he blurted out, forcing himself to meet your shaking eyes. “I’m saying this because I just wanted you to know how I felt, but I’m putting no pressure on you whatsoever.” 

He stood up, taking a deep breath. “So,” he started, “we can make a decision right now, and you can change your mind whenever you want; no strings attached.” He stood straight and closed his eyes tightly. “If you want things to stay the way they are now, stay seated. If you want... something more,” he said, the scarlet of his ears darkening, “then you can take a step closer to me.” 

He waited with bated breath to hear anything from you. 

A word. A breath. A slight ruffling of clothes, but he heard nothing. 

After what felt like an hour of deafening silence, he finally heard you say something. “On the count of three?” you said in a small voice. Dare he say, shyly. 

He nodded vigorously—reminiscent of a child—his eyes still shut tight. “One,” he started.

“Two,” you continued.

His heart was beating out of his chest. He would guiltily admit to looking forward to hearing you step toward him. He knew it was wrong, but he was left hoping and wanting. He was hoping so much. 

“Three,” he said, barely above a whisper. 

He waiting, his hands shaking. 

Nothing. Not even a noise. 

He chuckled at himself, trying to mask his disappointment. He started opening his eyes. “So, I guess you don’t feel the—?” He was cut off by your arms wrapping around his middle. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, muffled by his chest. “I was zoned out, so I didn’t hear the ‘three’.” You nuzzled farther into him. “I like you, too...” 

He blinked in surprise, not even able to hug you back. Instead, his arms just hung awkwardly in the air, stiff and unmoving. “You... do?” he stuttered. He shook his head, as if trying to wake himself from this unrealistic dream. “For real? No jokes? No feeling obligated to like me back?” 

You laughed at him, pulling away just slightly to meet his eyes. You grabbed his wrists and pulled his arms down farther so that they could snake around your waist. “I’m not kidding,” you said, your eyes turning damp. “I like you,” you whispered. “I really like you.” 

Woong felt a smile spread across his face, growing uncontrollably larger as the second ticked by. “I really like you, too,” he said, a light, fluttery feeling in his chest. “Like... A lot!”

What did people call that feeling?

Affection? Fondness?

Ah, right!

Love.

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.

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Hmm.... Mayhaps I am a little fond of this boy. J u s t maybe. 

Thanks for the request, Anon! I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope you enjoyed it a lot and I hope it met expectations. Have a good day/afternoon/evening!

Feel free to stop by again. ^-^

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[jaimetheexplorer]

I brought down by niks latest interview.Saying "J never needed redemp.He was a guy who certain circumstances in his life e.g. Kingslayer so then he needed to redeem himself bc he did this horrible thing when killing the Mad King. Then N said the redemp arc where he had to be good guy, stay with Bri etc that's not GOT.You cant erase ur prev life.Jaime bel that redeem urself meant redeeming his past and he couldnt. He can't cut off who he was.The idea of leaving C alone is impossible to him" Wtf?

2/2 Downhearted anon. Just that interview makes no sense. In prev season interviews, wasnt Nik wanting Jaime to escape Cersei for good and be with Braime forever, like he was the biggest Braime shipper??? I dont understand. Does he think ppl don’t remember stuff? Its a shame theres no way to ask him about this.

Dear Downhearted anon,

I have to admit I read only a short excerpt from that interview, so I might have missed some of the other content, but, from what I read, this is what I can say.

There are different layers to his comments, IMO. One is the take on the story, and the other is the justification of the writing choices. And, as much as I might vehemently disagree with the former, what I take issue with is the latter.

When it comes to the take on the story, we have to remember that he has to talk about the actual content of the show. The show, unfortunately, did go with the idea that Jaime is essentially doomed to never escape his past. I do not believe that is his arc in the books for many reasons, and I think it was extremely underwhelming, nihlistic and unsatisfying even just taking the context of the show into account. But, unfortunately, nihilistic and unsatisfying is what we got. The show was aiming for romanticizing incest and abuse romantic tragedy with JC, in the end (I actually think there was a far more disastrous chain of events at play, which required multiple OOC developments for multiple major characters just to arrive to Jon killing Dany - but that’s a longer story), and it is what it is. He has to talk about the reality of the episodes, not the alternatives.

If you take most of Nik’s comments, and go back to read D&D’s and Cogman’s interviews from the past, you’ll notice that it’s mostly stuff that’s lifted straight from their quotes, even down to the language: “good guy/bad guy”, “he doesn’t have a redemption arc”, “it’s just life, and he has made some mistakes”. I don’t know whether this is because he had a “final season” briefing with them and came around to see things their way and agree, or because he was told this is what he was supposed to say about the story, or because even though he doesn’t agree with it, this is what was written in the end and so this is what he talks about. His reasoning for saying these things is anybody’s guess and kind of beyond the point. But, where before he used to have his own take on the character and his arc, he’s now basically regurgitating the party line.

For my part, I never completely disagreed with the idea that Jaime does not need redemption per se. Jaime doesn’t need atonement for slaying the Mad King, for sure. He needs recognition for that. He needs atonement for a other horrible things he’s done, but even those (e.g., pushing Bran, the incest) are more about moral gray areas areas than villainous behaviour per se, since he’s never committed atrocious acts just for his own selfish gain, or for power, or because he enjoyed hurting and killing. More importantly, I have always seen Jaime’s story as more of an identity arc, where redemption is just one component. In that sense, I can agree with the take that that he is a “complex character who, at times, has made some terrible mistakes”. Jaime is not, and never was, a straightforward villain who needs to atone for his sins. He’s a much more complex and layered mix of sins and honour, and goodness and idealism turned bitterness and cynicism, and a messy product of living most of his life in toxic and abusive environments who, in some situations, has committed some horrible mistakes that he needs to own up to and face the consequences of, and who is trying to redefine and reinvent himself in the aftermath of some life-changing events such as losing his hand, meeting Brienne and growing disillusioned with Cersei. 

The problem is that, while D&D preach about Jaime being a complex character who does not need a ‘cheesy’ linear redemption arc, they also, in the same breath, justify an ending that shoves him precisely into a clear, black-and-white, simplistic category (”he just accepts he is a hateful man”) or display the psychological depth of a 5th grader (go check out their take on the sept scene in their Oxford Union Q&A and their inability to think in any more complex terms than “good guy/bad guy” or to understand that not all “bad�� actions are equal). They’re not deep writers, and that shows painfully in their execution. But I can understand the “no need for redemption” arc, from a theoretical/philosophical perspective.

What I take far more issue with is justifying writing choices by attempting to play the realism card, or the adult writing card, or the “this is GoT” card, basically implying that everyone who dislikes or criticize it is being unrealistic, immature or unsophisticated for not accepting the only inevitable outcome to a story (I wrote a twitter thread about it this week). Just because your story has decided to depict things in a certain way, it does not mean that that is the only realistic option for the story, and that people who expected/wanted/hoped for something different were fooling themselves, let alone that it had to be written that way because that is how life works.

Sure, there are people who fail to break away from their (abusive, traumatic, toxic, what have you) past and move on, but there are also plenty of people who do, and who end up thriving. One outcome isn’t any more realistic or true to life than the others. And, while some might think this is a hyperbole, it is highly irresponsible, IMO, to say that being unable to escape toxicity and your past is “the way things are”, when there might be people out there who do struggle with trauma, toxic and abusive relationship (or know people who do).

On top of that, it is rather silly to imply that we were expecting some unrealistic, too-easy scenario, where Jaime flipped a switch and totally erased his past overnight. That implication is misguided, at best, and dishonest, at worst. We put up with four entire seasons of show-only “non-linear” storytelling when it comes to Jaime, and were incredibly patient with it. Wasn’t the point of those four seasons precisely to show that life is complicated and he couldn’t just let go of his past so easily? We watched that. It happened. Nothing about this was easy or unearned.

Had we been shown a Jaime who was 100%, stupidly and completely devoted to Cersei at every turn, cruel, evil, selfish and not caring about the innocents, of course expecting an outcome where he just leaves it all behind for a honourable wench or what have you would have been a ridiculous expectation to have. Indeed, back when Jaime did come across as that kind of character, nobody was expecting anything from him. He could have died with Cersei under those bricks and most wouldn’t have cared.

Instead, for years, we were shown a Jaime that did struggle between his toxic past/Cersei and his honour and, far more often than not, we saw his honour win out. While I can see an argument for saying that didn’t guarantee an outcome where he did break free of his past for good, it’s not like like there was no buildup or seeding for the more positive, less nihilistic alternative. So I don’t find it so far fetched to have expected the events of S7 to be the last straw that finally tipped the scales completely to the other side (especially considering how 8x02 was written very heavily to imply just that or, at the very least, did not seed any doubt).

By Nikolaj’s own admission in TONS of interviews, he had been fighting with D&D for years because he expected things to move in a certain direction and kept getting frustrated when they didn’t, or when they confused him. He wanted the exact same things we wanted for Jaime and in his relationships with Cersei and Brienne since SEASON 2. He might have resigned himself in the end to having lost the battle, but he behaved exactly like us for years. So, assuming he believes what he is saying, if I could talk to him, I’d ask him how is it that he got the same feeling of “expectation” for something that in the end never came? Maybe because the seeding for both options were there all along? Maybe because, if the seeding for both options were there all along, the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all? Maybe because if the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all, then what we got isn’t the only inevitable way this could go down? Food for thought.

Of course, I want to believe that he isn’t that tone-deaf and unsophisticated as an actor (and a writer) not to realize that the only problem with the way Jaime and JB were written in S8 was not the fact that they didn’t get a HEA. Ignoring the writing quality, for a moment, and just focusing on the writing choices, there were literally dozens of ways of writing a story that ended even in a similar tragedy (EVEN with Jaime dying with Cersei), that would have been far better and more satisfying than what we got. The problem isn’t that Jaime didn’t declare his everlasting love for Brienne or that he didn’t stay together with her. The problem is that we patiently waited through all the buildup and seeding mentioned above, for years, for a relationship that ended up being butchered within 30 minutes, destroying literally everything it ever stood for (first and foremost trust and respect - I am not going to list everything, but Jaime trying to sneak out without so much of a goodbye and being completely indifferent to her pain after she vouched for him and saved his life multiple times was not only OOC, but completely unnecessary to the plot, unless it aimed to destroy the foundations of their bond, way beyond the romance).

To conclude, I’ll leave you with GRRM’s own words, when asked about Jaime’s redemption arc that he, unlike the show, has explicitly stated he wishes to explore:

“I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there’s no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?”

The show decided that the answer is that we don’t escape our past. We are doomed from the beginning and any attempt to change and move on is eventually futile (and that ended up being true of nearly every character in the show, not just Jaime). But that doesn’t seem to be at all the stance GRRM has on this whole thing, and I would dare anyone to tell me that GRRM’s vision and his writing are inferior, too easy, or less realistic than what we got from the show.

There’s no guarantee that Jaime will survive in the books, or that he and Brienne will get a HEA (although I do not rule it out at all).  But the fact that the man who invented these characters and this world has a different stance on Jaime and redemption automatically invalidates any nonsense show people can say about how this was the perfect and only way it could end, and that expecting anything different from this series was wishful thinking.

[chimcharstar]

1 THROUGH 55 AND 1 THROUGH 30 GO GO GO

LETS FUCKIN GO

tumblr please actually make this a keep reading

55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

I ALREADY WATCH NETFLIX AND AGONIZE OVER MY STORY

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned?

MY JACKETS. ANY CHEST OBSCURING, BROAD SHOULDERED, COZY JACKET

3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue?

DANCING, ID NEED TO GO TO CLASSES OR SOMETHING

4. What would your perfect room look like?

IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH MY ROOM BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED A LAVA LAMP, AND 1800 MORE PLANTS COULDNT HURT

5. Do you play sports?

NO

6. What fiction place would you love to go to?

SINNOH REGION

7. What Job would you be terrible at?

DEBT COLLECTION. I WOULD BE GIVING SHIT TO PEOPLE FOR FREE. I COULDNT BEAR BEING ENCOURAGED TO FORCE PEOPLE WHO CANT PAY FOR SOMETHING TO PAY MORE

8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?

SERVING. HOW MANY PLATES CAN YOU CARRY AT ONCE

9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?

WALKING IN MY SPACE BUBBLE WHEN MY SENSES ARE OVERLOADED

10. What skill would you like to master?

A SECOND LANGUAGE

11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

THE ONE FROM MY DREAM WHERE I KISSED A GIRL DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND WE ELOPED TO BRAZIL TO RAISE SHEEP

12. What’s your favorite drink ?

THAT CHRISTMAS SHIT. PEPPERMINT MOCHA AT STARBUCKS. A FRIEND GOT IT FOR ME ONCE. NOW I ORDER IT A BILLION TIMES.

13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?

I HAVE NOT TRAVELLED MUCH EVER

14. What songs do you have completely memorized?

I DONT REMEMBER LYRICS SO MUCH, BUT I COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW MANY SONGS GO COMPLETELY

15. Are you usually early or late?

LATE. IM GETTING BETTER THOUGH

16. What takes up too much of your time?

GETTING OUT OF BED

17. What do you wish you knew more about?

SWORDS

18. What are some small things that make your day better?

COFFEE. SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING NICE TO ME.

19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

QUEER EYE BUT BY TRANS PEOPLE FOR TRANS PEOPLE

20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished?

YOU. AND ME. ITS GROWTH

21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?

21, SO I HAVE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON

22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

13 REASONS, THE BOOK WAS TRIGGERING SO I WONT RISK IT

23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend?

TAKING A WALK, HAVING COFFEE, WATERING PLANTS… IM HAPPY

24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury?

I HAVE PERFUME...

25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?

TO YOUNG TO NEVER DRINK. TOO OLD FOR POKEMON

26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie?

I DONT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR EITHER BUT I SEEM TO LIKE URBAN FANTASY A LOT

27. How often do you people watch?

I THINK IM SO POLITE BUT HONESTLY, I QUIETLY SCRUTINIZE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN EVERY DAY AND GUESS AT THEIR PERSONAL HABITS AND SELF IMAGE.

28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?

MY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS SEASON RULES BABY

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?

I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING PPL HAVENT HEARD OF BUT IM INTERESTED IN BLACK HOLES

30. Do you relax after a hard day?

FOOD. NETFLIX. DECOMPOSING ON TUMBLR

31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?

I HAVENT READ A BOOK I REALLY LOVE IN AGES. HARRY POTTER AND ARTEMIS FOWL WERE MY FAVOURITES GROWING UP, BUT CORNELIA FUNKES BOOKS SLAPPED AND HIS DARK MATERIALS WAS GORGEOUS

32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?

IDAHO?

33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen?

LUCIFER WAS LIKE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING MIDDLE NAME JANE AND KNOWS THAT EVERY MURDER BREAKS YOUR HEART AND YOU SIMPLY DESERVE BETTER SO NO MORE MOMENTS WHILE THEYRE HAVING A MOMENT AND CHLOE IS WATCHING THIS FUCKING IDIOT AND IVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE SO I KNOW SHES GONNA KISS HIM AND THEN THEY KISS

34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?

ANY SMALL TALK QUESTIONS

35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?

YES. ID MAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP. SKILLS

36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

GIVE ME A HUG AND SOME CHOCOLATE

37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?

HANG GLIDING

38. Dream car?

SOMETHING I DONT HAVE TO WORRY WILL FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY MOMENT

39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?

STRAIGHT LOVE SONGS

40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now?

HAVING A CAT

41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it?

DECORATING THE DOLLHOUSE I RESCUED FROM THE BATHROOM

42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?

IM NOT VERY FAR THROUGH THE WEEK AND I HAVENT ENJOYED MOST OF IT BUT PEOPLE SAYING ADORABLE THINGS

43. How different was your life one year ago?

NOT A LOT DIFFERENT, IM JUST LONELY IN THE CITY NOW, MINUS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ONE YEAR ON T

44. What/who would you rate 10/10?

MY CACTUS JAKEN. I DROPPED HIM SO MANY TIMES AN ENTIRE HALF OF HIS SPIKES ARE FLAT SCARS. AND LOOK AT HIM. THRIVING

45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?

GENUINELY MADE ART

46. What do you hope never changes?

MY T PRESCRIPTION

47. What movie title best describes your life?

I LOOKED THROUGH NETFLIX AND I PICK TWILIGHT

48. What website do you visit most often?

TUMBLR

49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?

MY BIRTHDAY

50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?

FINDING A REASON TO CANCEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING

51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

WALKING BY SOME RUNNING WATER

52. What age would you like to live to?

80. THATS MY MENTAL HEALTH ANSWER

53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?

SOMETHING CREATIVE WOULD BE AWESOME

54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?

CRIMES

55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?

A CAT

Lgbt+ ask game

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

I’m even a little shaken by a questioning state right now but for a while I’ve felt the best fit is the androgynous label -- I read a description of it being the purple on a pink to blue scale, both at once but not specifically either one, and something else by itself. I’m also happy with a cryptic masculine grey area. My pronouns are he/him.

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

During the Puberty 1.0 nightmare, I was basically living someone else’s life, and any attraction I felt wasn’t in relation to myself. I felt disconnected from my body and gender and everything too, and I felt a lot of social pressure to experience a certain type of attraction, fit into a certain role, et cetera, and none of these feelings existed in me at all, so I used to identify as ace. When I realized I was trans, I was too caught up in the, transition safely, my life is a lie, stopping dysphoria drama to focus on this, but I had an idea I might be a gay guy judging from my gay creative writing until I caught feelings for a girl and realized this wasn’t the first time that had happened. Some bi positivity and nonbinary rage later, I am reminded that gender is a joke.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Yes of course A LOT. Starting with my parents, who do it aggressively and maliciously. And plenty from strangers and customers, mostly after hearing my voice pre-transition. It used to hurt terribly because I was dealing with so much other stuff at the time, and one little thing could be the last straw, so I used to react strongly and harshly, to people you express yourself to anyway. On T, I’ve been so much more chill and confident, and it’s less painful to accept that some people just don’t know any better, although that doesn’t change its effect.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

I don’t remember, I think it was a high school friend. I vaguely remember texting someone in a bathroom during a crying session at work. My high school friends were all warm and supportive.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

It was scary as hell. I’m sure coming out (with your gender specifically) is scary by nature because it’s a huge truth to be telling that can really change how the people you love perceive you, for better or for worse, but for me, I’m also thinking with the dread and certainty that my family would be too conservative and potentially dangerous. Coming out to my family was one of the worst, most painful things I’ve ever been through -- being kicked out and laughed at, a lot of drama, confrontations, Bible readings and being ganged up on at odd hours, trying to comfort my mom who took it as her personal failure -- I was shaking with adrenaline 24/7. I think of the “I’ll suffer through anything as long as it has meaning” comment that was about angsty fanfics, but knowing the truth about myself was a source of unshakable strength and it felt refreshing and even triumphant to say, like I was giving myself permission to exist for the first time. I came out a bunch of times, though...

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

My family reacted mostly badly, my sister is a little confused but has the spirit, and my friends have been wonderful.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

It’s more of a gender thing, but I hate it when people imply that I shouldn’t be on T or are subtly trying to talk me out of it with their questions. After all the disrespectful as fuck bullshit I heard from my parents, I’m tired of this.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Zombie apocalypse denim? Gay Layers

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I’m not really emotionally invested in these “ships” you cool kids are talking about. I like canon, age-appropriate ones.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I’ve never really worn makeup. I brazenly never bothered to growing up, and if it had an effect on me socially, I was too tuned out to care. My sister always wanted to do my hair and makeup, but I wasn’t interested and wouldn’t let her, much to her frustration. I wore some for a musical once though, and I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt what I know now is dysphoria and ended up using the lipstick to draw. Another aspect to this is my family forbade it (or my dad made the decision for everyone), not that it made my sister feel less pressured to wear it, so maybe it was some female presentation I could easily get out of. For that reason, I don’t have super strong feelings about it. Not understanding it probably resulted in me feeling left out a lot among my peers.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

Yes. Before my realization, it was a numb horror I wasn’t consciously aware of, ruining nice things growing up to the point where I feel like I missed out on being a teenager. I remember it as feeling nauseous while sitting in a corner, feeling like none of my clothes ever fit for some mysterious reason. Living with my family in the closet, it defined my life, and I was obsessed with my presentation. These days, it does not bother me on that level at all, except a minor freakout now and then if I get really wild and wear feminine clothes. Or I still feel it in more subtle ways, when I default to customer service voice, or when guys my age are twice my height and I look aaaall the way up at them and wonder what gender they see me as.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Trust me, I have heard truck loads of dumb shit and the winner is the Gay Agenda is R****a’s propaganda to weaken the integrity of North America. Considering what is happening over there, it was enragingly stupid.

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

I feel like I can be myself around lgbt+ people. I don’t feel like I have to hide stuff or put on a show, and I’m not afraid because it’s familiar territory.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

Aside from obvious problems like TERFs, ace discourse. Ace people are part of the community if they want to be and that’s enough on that, my skin is already breaking out.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

I finally went to a Pride event this year! I was surprised it was the first one I’d been to, then remembered my parents discouraged me from going anywhere, never mind to a gay where.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I can’t think of many people right now, but Leslie Feinberg seems awesome, and some quotes from Stone Butch Blues are very validating.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

No. Technically I have been in one, but it was shitty and ridiculous, and basically platonic, and I don’t want it to count.

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

I barely read… I read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe in high school and it was honestly so precious.

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

Yes. I got kicked out (but then kicked back in again), had my stuff stolen and damaged, was verbally harassed… and I was indirectly fired by an employer, but We Will Never Know Why...

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

Queer Eye! I don’t know of many though, and some important ones, I just haven’t watched.

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

My mutuals :D

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I’m okay calling myself queer.

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but I did see some drag performances at the one (1) Pride event I went to, and they were jaw-dropping.

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

I’m not sure what this question means, but I decide what fits right by what makes me feel the most alive and emotionally real and in the moment. What makes me feel the most attractive to be honest. There’s a post about dysphoria I saw going around, the things on it are basically what I use to figure things out.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I am actually! Not anytime soon, but I’m the responsible type for sure, and judging by the way I love growing plants and being around animals, I’m probably a nurturing person. I actually like kids too, lol, they’re just so high-energy.

What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You’re a boy. Go!

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I think people are going to have different ways of expressing themselves that make them happy, but… I don’t think they should infringe on basic human decency. When I hear “role” I think of acting a certain way because someone told you to, something I want to disagree with on the spot.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

People move out of my way on the sidewalk and take me seriously now. Privilege or self-confidence… I never want to forget what it used to be like, or get too entitled.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

That it’s simply living one’s reality. I think that trips up a lot of straight people -- that some people just come like this, and they don’t have to make it fit into their personal identity.

Why are proud to be lgbt+?

Because I worked hard to be alive and happy right now. I’m proud of choosing to get through those rough patches, take care of myself, heal, take walks, cook breakfast, learn healthy coping mechanisms, that was out of love for myself and a defiant conviction that I have a place in this world.

[myheadcanonacademia]

Do you write drabbles? Ive been thirsting for some first kiss headcanons. Deku, Baku-boi, Kirishima, Denki, Todoroki... as many of the bois as you possibly can. i need it.

above + Shinso

Deku:

Izuku and you lay snuggled together against the wall behind his bed. around the both of you a cacoon of blankets and pillows kept you both warm on the cold rainy day. outside a storm shook the windows. it was just one of those hot chocolate and horror bad horror movie kind of days. you snuggled up closer to Izukus chest, you gazed at his peaceful face as he scrolled through the netflix selection. 

“Izuku…?” 

His big green eyes look over to you, still scrolling though out of the corner of his vision. “yeah?” 

“could we… could you..” you mumbled. it had been a few weeks since you had gotten romantic with Izuku. it was just something that happened the moment you met him, you just worked well together. “id like it if you kissed me.” 

Izuku turned bright red. “yeah sure… I..” he awkwardly reached out to grasp your face, but changed his mind and put them on your shoulders. but that wasnt right either. you took his hands in your and put them on your waist. your mouth was as dry as his but there was nothing else in this world that you wanted more. he brought his face close to yours, your eyes fluttered shut as you made your move, your lips just brushing his. Izuku grasped your shirt, clenched his eyes shut and pressed his lips to yours in the sweetest, most gentle kiss ever given.

He pulled back after a few seconds, both of you shaking under the covers. “thanks…” you breathed.

“can we… could i do it again?” he asked with a broad smile.

Bakugo:

Bakugo hated firsts. he got nervous and then he got sweaty and not only was it gross when he sweat he had a tenancy to… explode. so yeah Bakugo hated firsts. and this was going to be his first kiss. the first in a long like of sexual firsts that in his opinion was taking to long to get through. in his mind he knew he was a sex god, but when given opportunity he often chickened out. its was all just so flustering and he hated being flustered. 

He walked his date up to her dorm room. No doubt all of the girls on the floor were watching. he shook the idea of an audience from his mind. this was his moment. focus. think of it like any other obstacle to destroy. focus. plan. attack. he could do this.

You turned to him, taking your time getting out your keys out and opening your dorm room. “i had a really great time tonight. Id love to go again.” you grinned at him. he face looking considerably less relaxed. Bakugo on a date had been entirely different than expected. he had been aggressively gentleman like and very sweet. he had even won you a toy in a claw machine. but now…

“yeah me to. bye.” Bakugo ran for it. he couldnt do it. ‘you little bitch’ he screamed internally. he got to the elevator and turned around. his date had gone into her room. fuck.

he smashed his head against the wall, slapped himself in the face and about turned and marched straight back to your door. he pounded on the wood until you opened it. he reached in, grabbed you by the ears and smashed your lips together. after a moment he released you. bakugo was panting, his fists were clenched at his sides. “there i did it. And i had an amazing time, i really like you a lot and im sorry that im bad at this romantic shit because your deserve better. please go out with me again damn it. fuck you.” he blurted out in one breath. you laughed and pulled him down for another kiss. 

Kaminari:

You had his headphones on. his big fancy ones he used for his sound board. he had just mixed a new song and wanted your opinion. you and kaminari… denki… had been flirting for a long while. whenever you were cold he was there with a jacket and a hug, he was always touching you when you hung out with friends, you both were obviously interested in each other but both were as inexperienced and shy as well. he sat in front of you waiting for the song to finish, but you really didn’t want it to. there were so many layers, skill in the engineering. he wasn’t a natural born musician but there was skill in his editing work. 

he was saying something to you. you slid on ear cuff off. “what was that.”

he went pink. “nothing just… you look cute in headphones.”

“I look cute in your headphones. they are so fancy. mine are from the discount pile.” you laughed. he smiled and fixxed the headphones back over your ears. your couldnt hear a thing he was saying to you but he was blushing. he was so fucking cute. “i cant hear you!” you said way too loudly. he had winced and laughed at the volume of your voice. 

he motioned for you to close your eyes. you did so. letting the music surround you, overpowering your other senses. but suddenly Kaminari was touching your arm, your hand. he rested your palm against his warm cheek, he kissed your fingers. you gulped, your eyes still closed. he scooted closer to you. you concentrated on the sounds in your ears. his hand slid along your jaw line and his thumb rested against your cheek. he was talking again but you couldnt hear the words, just felt his breath on your lips.

and then he kissed you. one small peak on the lips and then another. the third kiss lasted the longest. you reached out for him. gripping the sides of his face. your eyes still closed you pulled him close and deepened the awkward kiss. neither of you had any skill. when it was over you opened your eyes. he was smiling.

Kirishima:

Your knees hurt from your spot on the floor in the girl locker room. it was your turn to hold the phone. you all knew it was creepy and you were all being just as bad as Minata but you all just couldnt help it. today had just been one of those days to misbehave. you werent recording or anything, but if you held the camera up to the hole in the wall just right everyone would be able to see the goings on of the boys locker room, which honestly wasn’t as thrilling as you all had expected when the idea had been suggested. of course they talked but it was pretty easy to hear them through the wall. turns out all they did was just… get changed. 

No fluffy white towels just barely holding onto their hips, no wrestling under the showers, no slap-ass. nothing. just costume off, clothes on. a few of them would cloud the air with various body sprays. 

“this isnt as fun as i thought. the guys are always running around naked anyway.” Momo muttered. “Bakugo was literally standing in the fridge lastnight in his boxers.”

“i guess so…” you kept up the phone hoping to catch something good while the other girls wondered back to their lockers to get ready. and then Kirishima sat down on the bench directly in the view of the camera. and your heart skipped a beat. you were disgustingly in love with him. he had his pants on, his blazer and shirt over his arm while he pulled on his shoes. he was waving goodbye. the boys must be done. he sat quietly for a moment, then buried his face in his palms and took a breath. you got the feeling you shouldnt be watching, but your interest kept you locked in. he smacked his cheeks a little and ran his hands through his relaxed hair. he pulled out his phone and seemed to be playing with it for a moment before making a decision. 

“just fucking call her.” bakugo was a bad influence on him.

suddenly your camera turned off to show you an incoming call, Kirishima. “hey.” you answered. 

“hey are you out of the locker rooms yet?” he asked. 

“not yet.” pressed your eye to the hole trying to see him. this was weird.

“im just leaving i was wondering if you could meet me… ughh… down on the track when your done. real quick i just need some… notes from class.” you could see Kirishima pull the phone from his ear and smack himself in the head a few times. before continuing. 

“sure, ill be down soon.” you hung up. but kept watching him. the red head stood pulling his arms through his shirt, he seemed to be trying to pump himself up a little, then he left the locker room. 

You found him leaning against a wall down by the track. everything was shadowy and it was getting cold. “… Kirishima?” you asked. it was obvious something was going on here.

“hey… uhh… I wanted to tell you that you were really good at battle training today, sorry i punched you in the face tho…”

“i thought you wanted notes…”

“notes? oh yeah i did… for..”

“kirishima?”

“can i kiss you?” he wasnt even looking at you. he was trying to dig a hole with his shoe. 

“yes.” you breathed, shocked at yourself for just agreeing so easily. he was just so handsome in the setting sunlight. 

“Im sorry i didnt mean… its just i… yes?” he looked up at you. you placed your hand on his muscular arm and looked up at him waiting. 

“yes you can kiss me.” you repeated. “i want you to kiss-”

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a deep kiss. you both stood frozen as he pulled away. his mouth open showing you his sharp rows of teeth. “thank you.” he smiled. 

“we should do it again sometime. maybe after dinner and a movie.”

Todoroki:

you  followed where he led, your hand squeezed in his as he pulled you away from the party he father had put together. the giant home was filled with people who neither of you knew but all sucked up to Shouto because of who his father was. he had brought you along as his date, which would make sense since the two of you had been going on dates once a week or so. You had confessed to him how you felt on a whim, for some reason feeling brave that day and Shouto had actually responded. it didnt hurt that the first time you both had met, before you had known who he was you had been aggressively ranting to your friends about your dislike of Endeavor.  

Shouto led you to a small gazebo in his back yard. it was surrounded by gardens and there were twinkling lights tied around the bushed. it was a beautiful warm summer night. 

“i actually dont hate parties.” Shouto confessed. you stayed silent, letting him speak. “i like being around people and i like having fun and seeing people smiling.”

“the champagne isnt bad either.” oh yeah, and you had been supporting a half full flute in your free hand. you sipped at the bubbling liquid. it was your second glass and it was going to your head. 

“And the champagne as well.” he smiled taking a seat on the bench. you snuggled up close to his side and let him hook his arm around your waist. Shouto chatted on about how much he hated his father and listed all the reasons why he was the worst. you sipped on your drink happily enjoying the lights and the crickets in the garden.

“you know what would really make him mad.” you smiled. “if he walked out here and saw his son making out with a nobody like me.” it wasnt a secret that Endeavor didnt approve of his son courting you. in his eyes you didnt come from a wealthy family, and your quirk while useful added nothing to his gene pool. nothing that he was interested in anyway.

“your not nobody. Your my girlfriend.”Shouto snapped. 

“im your girlfriend now?” you poked at him. “and your my boyfriend i guess too right?”

“thats usually how it works.” he raised an eyebrow at you. 

“i dont know how ive gotten myself a boyfriend and still havent been kissed.” you laughed. maybe it was time to put the champagne down. 

“ive never been kissed either…”shouto muttered. 

“maybe we should just kiss eachother.” you smirk. gazing at him hungrily. Shouto nodded and then turned towards you, he leaned forward but paused. 

“should i… or do we meet in the middle…?” you were more in shock that he was actually kissing you. now here. like this. and you were drunk. why were you always drunk. you leaned forward and met his lips half way, kissing softly at first but the kiss deepened. it got more and more passionate, his hands holding your waist and then your neck, then knotting his fingers in your hair. his tongue danced over your lips and pushed into your mouth. neither of you knew what your were doing but you had seen lots of movies and the alcohol gave you the confidence to encourage him. 

the both of you sat like that for a long while, making out under the fairy lights as the summer air shilled your skin. when finally you both pulled away panting. you smiled at him.

“fuck you dad…” he muttered as he went in for another.

Shinso: 

you at on his bed as angry as you had ever been in your life. “and why not” you asked again. “i thought this was going well.”

“you dont understand, i want to im just…” Shinso was sitting in his desk chair, looking at his feet. “its not so easy to…”

“i want you do though. i want you.” you growled. “is it so much to ask for a kiss!?”

“no it isnt… but… it is.”he put his head in his hands. his body was tense and one of his legs shook uncontrollably fast. “its too easy for me to loose control, to not use my quirk.” he tried to explain. “All i need to do is to know what i want them to say. then i ask my question and they are mine. Do you have any idea how many times in the past ive accidentally used my quirk on someone. I brainwashed a classmate for an entire period because i had asked him for a eraser.”

it would have been a kind of funny story in a different situation. told by someone else. but in this situation, to shinso what it meant was that if he ever lost focus he could… in his mind he could hurt people he loved.

“i love you shinso.”

“i love you too.” 

“then why wont you have me.” you begged him. pleaded with him to accept you, to embrace you, to kiss you. 

“you know why.” he hissed. 

You stood up and caged him in against his chair, you gripped his chin and forced him to look up at you. all the hurt and rage you possessed burned in your eyes, but his gaze was much weaker. he broke eye contact. “please dont.” he spoke.

“I dont know what ill do without you Shinso…” you were on your knees before him, you rested your head on his lap and cried. he shook under you and pet your hair. 

“please…. please dont cry… dont…. not because of me.” he lifted your head. “if i kiss you will you promise…. please dont cry.” he begged.

“ask me to kiss you.” you demanded. “I need you to ask.”

“why.”

“because i trust you.”  

“but i dont trust me… its not fair… please dont put this… dont make me.” now it was his turn to cry.

“you wont. i know you wont.” you pet his cheek, brushing away the tears. You leaned forward and pushed your lips against his. he responded, his face still wet with tears. you both whispered ‘i love you’s back and forth between kisses. when you were both tired he gathered you up in a tight hug. you lead him to the bed and you let him make himself comfortable with his head on your chest.

[thestaffofgrayson]

1-100 for the unusual asks, you meme lord

Mmmmkay so I cant help being sassy but also wanna give a real answer so we gonna do this -> Anything in parenthesis is a real answer everything else is sass central station

1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  Im a dank soundcloud rapper check out my soundcloud at nobodycares540.soundcloud.fuck (I dont really use any of em tbh)

2) is your room messy or clean? *glances over* clean (m e s s y)

3) what color are your eyes? All 16 of em are different colors actually (blue)

4) do you like your name? why? No because its not Jojo (Yes!!! Love the name Perrin gonna be honest)

5) what is your relationship status? *sets status to its complicated* you could say im a bit of a player (deathly single)

6) describe your personality in 3 words or less? Im sorry who? (Described meme lord)

7) what color hair do you have? Minecraft Steve Brown (Ver Ver Pink)

8) what kind of car do you drive? color? No I run like sonic next question (nope fuck driving fuck boulder)

9) where do you shop? Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (For what Next question)

10) how would you describe your style? Goku Black cosplay (Goku Black cosplay)

11) favorite social media account? The one with the Z U C C (Tumblr fuck snapchat)

12) what size bed do you have?  Uuuummmmmmm my size OBVIOUSLY next questions (Dont know tbh queen maybe?)

13) any siblings? Little shit brother (thats not even a joke)

14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?  Why this world fuck you what about mars (uuuuhhhhhh no idea gonna be honest)

15) favorite snapchat filter? Oh man! Love this one altho its not well known what ya gotta do is hit the delete button and when it asks if youre sure say yes :D (they change so often I dont pay attention)

16) favorite makeup brand(s)? Whatever it is Genji uses as eyeliner (dooont wear makeup)

17) how many times a week do you shower? I get clean by rolling around in the snow so maybe like 3 times a year (depends usually once a day with exceptions)

18) favorite tv show? I dont watch tv I AM the tv (The Office or if its Anime then Jojos Bizarre Adventure)

19) shoe size? M Y   S I Z E (size 10)

20) how tall are you?  hOWs ThE wEaTHEr dOwnTHeRe (5′9 - 5′11 somewhere in there)

21) sandals or sneakers? Gadget Shoes (legit those are cool but sneakers)

22) do you go to the gym? I think theeessseeee muscles speak for themselves (nope but I do martial arts)

23) describe your dream date  Killing all mortals and achieving a state beyond that of a god (iiiii dont know I dont really see myself going on a date)

24) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Why do YOU wanna know (no really why tho)

25) what color socks are you wearing? Well I’m at home on the sofa playing sonic the hedgehog and typing up responses to an ask on tumblr that about 5 people are gonna see. That being said, Dragon Ball orange. (not wearing em but I have a fuzzy pair of polar bear socks my friend Ana sent me that I love!)

26) how many pillows do you sleep with? Wait what do you mean not everyone sleeps with 25 pillows are they mad? (One for my head, one on each side, smol pillow, pillow pet)

27) do you have a job? what do you do? I am assistant regional manager at a paper supply company named Dunder Mifflin. (Not currently but I’m gonna apply to Gamestop and Costco here soon)

28) how many friends do you have? Toooooooooooooo many I hate mortals (honestly I’m too lazy to try and count rn)

29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? Well I haven’t seen Mulan don’t call the cops (Iiiiiiii’m not sure I guess cheated on my Chinese final freshman year but hey I needed to pass that)

30) whats your favorite candle scent? V o i d  (I dont use candles that much and I shooouuulld)

31) 3 favorite boy names Jo[seph] Jo[estar], Jo[taro Ku]jo, Jo[nathan] Jo[estar]  (uuuuhhhh I like my name so it would be Perrin, Joji, Donovan)

32) 3 favorite girl names Jolyne Kujo there is no 2 and 3 (Jolyne yes I know but I actually really like the name, Perrin is also a girls name so, Milly)

33) favorite actor? Shrek from Shrek the musical (Robert Downey Jr and Chris pratt)

34) favorite actress? Taylor after she sasses me and acts like nothing happened (Millie Bobby Brown)

35) who is your celebrity crush? McCree (Matt Mercer)

36) favorite movie? UM IS THIS A QUESTION LIKE??? OBVIOUSLY THE SHREK AND BEE MOVIE CROSS OVER SHREK B: HONEY AND SWAMPS (I LOVED Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok but Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s stuck with me for a loooong time)

37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t read cuz I’m not a NERD (I mean actual books I don’t ask me about it another time but comics I sure do I love the Marvel Civil War storyline)

38) money or brains? They say Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy me more games! Eat that SUCKERS (Honestly brains because then you can be smart which can make you a lot of money. So many more benefits)

39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Perriushium, destroyer of life and bringer of the new age (Pey given to me by my brother when he was still a baby and couldn’t say my name)

40) how many times have you been to the hospital? Enough to be immune to every disease known to man NOW IM UNSTOPABLE MWAHAHA (none for any of my own conditions or injuries but for family stuff about twice)

41) top 10 favorite songs All Star, All Star, All Star, Chum Drum Bedrum, All Star, All Star, All Star, Never gonna give you up, All Star, All Star (Bloody Stream, Sono Chi no Sadame, Flying Battery Zone, Stardust Speedway, Stand Proud, Goku Black theme, Halo theme, The Apparition, Shovel Knight main theme, Hooked on a Feeling)

42) do you take any medications daily? I take a shot of cold hard whiskey when I get up (nope I dont have anything)

43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) The largest organ of my body I’ll tell ya that much (I honestly dont know?? Smooth and soft I guess?)

44) what is your biggest fear? The Communists lol jk Communism is the only way (I’m not so sure on this one gonna be honest I do fear something I just cant think of it at the moment)

45) how many kids do you want? I mean I’m a 16 year old teenager in high school with no job and no relationship that being said 5 (NONE EVER NOPE 0 KIDS)

46) whats your go to hair style? Super Saiyan 3 (Idk I just kinda comb it to the left)

47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) All Star. Wait fuck wrong quest- (Two floor medium sized house) 

48) who is your role model?  Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh)

49) what was the last compliment you received? A like on my post we did it guys we hit one like so I’m here making this 1 like special (I was told that everytime my friend see’s my dyed hair it absolutely makes his day :D) 

50) what was the last text you sent? Yeah that’ll be $5000 for the kill nice doing business with you (Maaaannny pictures of Genji Shimada)

51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? WHAT SANTA ISNT REAL????!!!!!?!?!?! (It kinda faded over the years my last strands of belief were gone by 12)

52) what is your dream car? Odie’s car from Garfield Kart (The Mach 5 from speed racer there’s a street legal car look it up)

53) opinion on smoking? Jotaro does it so I do it too (PSA: Smoking doesn’t make you cool or look cool you’re just killng your lungs. I won’t try and make you stop as long as you’re aware I don’t want you smoking around me and you understand the consequences)

54) do you go to college? After that SAT I meeeaaaaannnn McDonalds might be hiring (I’m still in High School but I want to)

55) what is your dream job? To stand in a corner for 8 hours with a lamp shade over my head and make a clicking sound every so often (I would like to be able to draw, animate, design and/or play games for a living. Achievement Hunter would be a fantastic job but I doubt that’s happening)

56) would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I wanna live in a cloud In the sky and abduct people to harvest their DNA and make clones which I can fight to the death with (eh somewhere quiet and disconnected from people tbh)

57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? They fetch pretty high prices on eBay you’d be surprised (Nope I dont use them at all I bring my own and take my own)

58) do you have freckles? My face is a giant freckle little known fact (not really thank god I would look real bad with em)

59) do you smile for pictures? *leans in* I’m gonna let ya in on a secret kid. I wait until the photographer is just about to take the picture and then I hold a middle finger over my face to block the proper shot. Do it enough times then they’ll be payin YOU to get the picture done (I do but I only open my mouth slightly)

60) how many pictures do you have on your phone? They’re all of people I’ve killed because they showed me a stale meme dont worry about it (960 exactly and they’re all either memes, fan-art, or my cute friends)

61) have you ever peed in the woods? Ew no I don’t go outdoors thanks (Yep once on a school field trip in which we hiked to the top of a mountain it was fun)

62) do you still watch cartoons? Well I mean SOME ONE spoiled my belief in Santa earlier so I’m a bit too old for that now. I have a boring desk job thanks LAZLO (I do spongebob is really funny to me still and I LOVE the original Teen Titans)

63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McWendy’s next question (I dont eat either so)

64) Favorite dipping sauce? Drip dip dip I’m boutta rip please i want to die (I dont use dipping sauce either call me a heathen all you want)

65) what do you wear to bed? Well I take off the clothes I wore for the day, take off my earring, ring, necklace, eyes, hair, 3 layers of skin, and call it a night (Pajamas mostly and sometimes sweatpants)

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? *Obligatory Bee Movie Joke* (I’ve never even heard of a spelling bee in any of the schools I’ve been to)

67) what are your hobbies? Well I like to kill all mortals #ZamasuWasRight  (I enjoy martial arts, drawing, video games, game design, and walking around my house with nothing to do)

68) can you draw? UH BOI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ART IS UNTIL YOUVE SEEN A SHITTY JOJO DRAWING OF MINE (I mean yeah but not well)

69) do you play an instrument? Electric Triangle (Actually, I play the Violin but not super well)

70) what was the last concert you saw? SORRY WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE CONCERT (I’ve never been to one that seems like the opposite of fun for me personally I hate hyper loud music, people, and crowds)

71) tea or coffee? Coftea next question (tea. I don’t drink caffeine if i can help it)

72) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I need my sugar sonic rings (Again, Don’t drink caffeine)

73) do you want to get married? I’m already getting married. MARRIED TO THE LIFE OF CRIME THAT IS UP TOP (I mean I would like to one day)

74) what is your crush’s first and last initial? My  Self (I don’t have anyone I’m crushing on)

75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? What’s crimes last name? Smigglesworth? (If my partners last name is something with an S cuz then I can be PJS)

76) what color looks best on you? You know the color mario turns when he uses the super star? T-that (Pink and Black)

77) do you miss anyone right now? PPFFFFFT NOOOOO WHATS A FEEL *CRIES* THOSE ARENT TEARS ITS JUST SWEAT IVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS OKAY (I miss all my internet friends :(  *cries*)

78) do you sleep with your door open or closed? It is neither open nor closed it is in a hyper dimensional state between open and closed in which no mortal can enter or exit but also cannot be blocked from passage (clooossed because otherwise the cats are gonna kill my fish)

79) do you believe in ghosts? I mean how else would I make a long and successful career as a ghost buster (I do!)

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? My pet, Peeve! Biggest one I know! (depends on for what tbh the other day a guest speaker was talking to the class and this kid was playing music in his headphones really really loud and it pissed me off)

81) last person you called? Called what? Called them a nerd? A good bean? A meme? MAKE MORE SENSE YOU ******* **** *** ******** (Well according to my phone, the name listed is “Mom”)

82) favorite ice cream flavor? I’ll ice your cream if you’re not careful (Vanilla with chocolate syrup mixed together is hella everyone GO TRY IT)

83) regular oreos or golden oreos? The fuck is a golden oreo?? (No seriously, what the actual is a golden oreo)

84) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? *mario invincible star song plays as I flash color and dash down rainbow road* I’ll have to think about it (rainboooowww!)

85) what shirt are you wearing? Well I…. You see… The thing is…. excuse me for one second (yeah I can’t think of sass to this one but my favorite shirt! Sonic mania that my friend Tasha bought for me and I love it!!!)

86) what is your phone background?  RYUJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! “What do you think of this color? Is it not beautiful?” If you dont know those HOW DARE YOU LEARN THEM AND WE ARE WATCHING DRAGON BALL (Genji lock screen and Goku Black home screen)

87) are you outgoing or shy? Does THIS answer your question >:D (Outgoing when I want to be, but I’m antisocial so it’s like I CAN be outgoing and personable but it’s highly on my terms ya feel?)

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair is a pride to my race the Saiyans hair is a sacred thing I will advise you not to touch it (YYYEEESSSS I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT BUT THAT HARDLY EVER HAPPENS)

89) do you like your neighbors?  …..the what? Never heard of it before is that a type of appliance? (I mean they’re chill we don’t interact a lot which I’m cool with)

90) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Nothin can cure this ugly face fest of spring 2018 (I use face wash when I shower which is typically right after school not sure why it matters but there ya go :V)

91) have you ever been high? “I’m high on LIFE maaaannn” -Incorrect Shaggy quotes (N o p e  never have don’t plan on it)

92) have you ever been drunk? shots ShotS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSHOTS (nope but I will one day maybe in College years)

93) last thing you ate? The shattering realization that my friends will keep saying OWO to me every chance they get (Pancakes! asked for french toast but I loooove the breakfast food so no complaints)

94) favorite lyrics right now someBODY Once Told Me The World Is Gonna Roll Me… (The lyrics to Bloody Stream dude it’s a  g r e a t  op)

95) summer or winter? Sorry I’m on Mars weather its ZXAR right now (eeehhhh winter cuz then I have an excuse to be inside and it’s also the ski season)

96) day or night? I am the darkness. I am the night. I am BATMAN (Night honestly I’m a fan of the darkness)

97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? Plllleeeeaaase its like asking if you’re heart is pure of evil or not. Dark Chocolate is a sin (Milk chocolate is the best chocolate fight me on that)

98) favorite month? See, some may argue for their birthday months, christmas, new beginnings to the year, but I say there’s only ONE spooky time :3 (Altho I’m one of the fools that’s gonna have to go with March because it usually has my favorite kind of weather for where I live)

99) what is your zodiac sign  I refuse to go by Zodiac signs until Ted Cruz is proven to be the Zodiac Kill————–”OLD MEME ALERT THIS IS THE MEME POLICE”   “I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL”  (Cancer! I wear a necklace of my sign all the time fun fact for ya)

100) who was the last person you cried in front of?  Me after writing all these (Don’t know actually I try not to cry in front of people ever)

[kathillards]

guess who watched kamen rider

hey y’all it’s kat @powerprincesses’ birthday on MARCH 24TH (but since that’s movie day, i’m giving this to her early) and i, being the dutiful-slash-whipped wife that i am, thought i’d do something special for it and i was like, well, pearl, you’ve already written her shit for the past two years, why not do something different?

so i watched an entire fucking series of japanese power rangers: bug eyes edition for her. can you believe that? me??? watch kamen rider??? i know

but here i am on the other side of kamen rider decade which i watched because a) he’s pink b) kat loves it c) it only has like 30 episodes thank god and d) he’s pink

i have great decision making-skills. anyway below the cut are all my honest unfiltered thoughts on what kat pitched to me as “kamen rider megaforce”. fair warning, it’s long, with pictures, and tailored for kat. read at your own risk.

i watched the first like nine episodes in a blur so here’s some random thoughts from them that aren’t strictly a liveblog:

NATSUMI IS SO CUTE

tsukasa is a weird asshole and its kind of hot?

actually he reminds me of me thats probably why its hot bc im self-obsessed

“put tsukasa’s bad photos here” he is a meme and i love it

natsumi hikari... these are both names ripped from toqger... i realize decade came first but like? elements of toqger?

every time she does the laughter pressure point thing to tsukasa i gain an extra year on my life

his laughter is so fucking dumb

freaky prophetic dreams = elements of megaforce much???

natsumi is troy burrows

i love this pink ranger

i love natsumi’s beanies

i have no clue what the fuck is happening

yusuke is cuuuuuuute

THE EPISODE W THE LITTLE KID RIDER AND HE ASKS YUSUKE IF THEY’RE FRIENDS AND YUSUKE’S FACE MELTS bitch i cried

yusuke has a v. good face

tsukasa is still a weird asshole and i still kinda dig it

natsumi is still great

all these other riders are cute...... i kno u told me ryuki is the one where everyone dies but hes so cute???

the one from blade is cute too

everyone is cute but especially yusuke and natsumi

i have no fucking clue what the plot is supposed to be there’s like an evil bat? and an evil old man? he reminds me of the evil old man from ghost

which i guess i should mention is technically my first kamen rider series that i watched twelve eps of and will finish one day

in case ur new here

whatever

why does kr have multiple evil old men

decade’s suit is so great and every time he morphs into a different rider i sigh

ok backing up but that bit in the ? third ? episode at the end where tsukasa is joking and smiling and natsumi yells at him that he’s freaking her out but she’s laughing? Pure

yusuke going “we’re a team right?” and tsukasa rolling his eyes? Pure

tsukasa being such a dick to those guys from blade... not pure but hilarious

OK BUT WHY WAS HE SUCH A DICK TO KAZUMA HE IS CUTE AND DOESNT DESERVE THIS

i just cant believe hes pink

he has a pink camera

hes a pink ranger

i love natsumi

OK HERE WE GO EPISODE 10 and beyond:

here’s the douche who stole genta’s zord...he is hot

this might just be me reading too deep into a kids show (haha when has THAT ever happened) but the shot of natsumi putting her hands around tsukasa’s waist like a belt in the theme song?? and then i think about how the belt and cards appeared to HER and she had to give them to tsukasa literally crossing barriers btwn worlds or whatever to get to him?? is she...is she his belt...his powers...are they hashtag INTERTWINED

maybe i am reading too deep into it but i love making girls the central protagonist so whatever i’m going with it

damn tsukasa looks good w/ his hair brushed back like that...

natsumi accuses this dude of “eat and run” and he does THIS?

uncalled for tbh

no u dont shut up

u know who looks good in everything? natsumi. the cap doesnt show it but she’s wearing pink knee high socks and its so cute

yusuke is such a prince

“i decided to get in your way” why is tsukasa Like That

he is definitely a scorpio

daiki might possibly be the only man who can make me think he’s attractive while wearing a baseball cap

i cannot BELIEB these monsters thought this girl was faiz AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE HER DUDE FRIEND WHO’S SPOKEN TWO LINES goodbye i hate kamen rider and everyone who works for toei

DIEND IS SUCH AN UGLY SUIT fjgdfkgdfgd i kinda dig it tho

is it meant to be diend like...the end....? or die?

y does every episode have to end on a cliffhanger

its six minutes into episode 11 and natsumi JUST showed up i want a refund?????

this is a gay outfit tho

episodes without natsumi are Pointless lets move on

why is he experimenting w/ his hair and why does it look so hot

that.....was really gay

um no offense but something fell out of the sky and tsukasa’s first instinct was to cover natsumi......okay.gif

natsumi is so sad that yusuke is leaving them :(

tsukasa is also sad he’s just hiding it under his seven layers of asshole

yusuke saving tsukasa......Pure

also gay....why is daiki Like That

tsukasa: you look pretty

yusuke: what

tsukasa: I SAID YOU LOOK SHITTY GOOD NIGHT

- actual dialogue that just happened

every time tsukasa gets called out for actually caring about people i laugh

is den-o literally kamen rider toqger...

why are so many of the kamen riders he visits literally monsters ?

why is tsukasa such an asshole and why is it hot

tsukasa spit-taking when someone actually likes his photos...relatable

oh my god in this one scene yusuke is wearing a red plaid shirt and natsumi is wearing red plaid socks wtf thats too adorable

me watching toku: just eternally cataloguing all the fashion

SPEAKING OF FASHION WTF IS THIS

“i look good in everything” yeah right tsukasa

tsukasa just goes around to different worlds and appoints himself the king of everything...relatable

pretty wack that natsumi and yusuke love tsukasa enough to believe he’ll protect them in a fight even though he’s a fucking dumbass

you know who does look good in everything...daiki

i didnt think i would miss tsukasa but its been 8 minutes into this episode and he hasn’t shown up to be an asshole yet..........disappointing

HE JUST SHOWED UP TO BE AN ASSHOLE all is right with the world again

tsukasa: daiki’s an asshole

this poor little boy: NO HE’S NOT >:(

daiki: yeah no i am totally an asshole

tsukasa turned hibiki into a disc thing and put it on top of this crab monster and now he’s beating it like a drum...

why is toku Like This

“he’s just a thief” shut up tsukasa you love him

oh my god he’s wearing bobby pins in his hair

“i’m so happy for you natsumi” ;_____; yusuke loves her...

i also love her

extreme lingering close-ups on tsukasa’s face make me uncomfortable

omg tsukasa going to take a photo of yusuke and natsumi jumping in AND THEM ALL SMILING AND LAUGHING TOGETHER GOODBYE

yes natsumi is a masterpiece thanks for recognizing it tsukasa

omg they’re all wearing pink i luv this team of pink rangers

anyone ever in the world: says the word ‘treasure’

daiki, barreling through the window: DID YOU SAY TREASURE I’M HERE TO ROB YOU

chill dude

tsukasa: lets go on a date

yusuke:

tsukasa: you’re paying

yusuke:

- also literally just happened why is tsukasa LIKE THIS

tsukasa is the worst boyfriend ever

my fave decade trope: tsukasa is trying to fight and then he gets demorphed right in the middle of the battle for some reason or the other and just looks around dumbstruck probably wondering why his cool factor has lowered to 50% instead of 100%

jokes on him his cool factor is always at -95%

tsukasa being a model is a Bad Idea

a Very Bad Idea

natsumi yelling at tsukasa is so good every time

tsukasa: says literally anything ever

yusuke and natsumi: ???????????????????

this boy makes no sense i love him

what the FUCK is this hair

i feel like most of this liveblog is just me cataloging tsukasa’s various fashion choices

but i mean, he does more things with his hair than i do

he’s such a good pink ranger

decade’s power-up form is god-ugly

just thought i should mention that

needs more pink tbh

never let tsukasa try to lie and say he doesnt like daiki ever again hes a USELESS GAY

OR YUSUKE

THIS IS HIS FACE WHEN NATSUMI TELLS HIM YUSUKE IS GONE

useless

gay

he punches a tree bc natsumi got taken too what a loser

lmao this evil dude is like “who is this other kamen rider?? daiki’s friend??? daiki doesn’t HAVE friends”

joke’s on HIM

i had to cap daiki wearing purple even tho i am against male purples on general principle

he looks so good tho

he always looks good

“i want to save natsumi” okay

this is pretty gay tsukasa

wow it got even gayer

WOW

wow

the level of gay literally escalated from 100 to 1000 i am impressed

uh did he literally tie up daiki and then slowly walk in a circle around him and blatantly check him out...................................

tsukasa........................

tsukasa literally stops the other riders from joining the battle bc he knows daiki has to fight alone....what kind of otp goals

“wont you stop saying those corny lines” - daiki about tsukasa but also me about tsukasa

HELL YEAH NEXT EP IS THE SHINKENGER WORLD I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG

missed my samurai kids did u know i put my shinkenger marathon on hold for this shit so i could finish decade before march 24th

i know i know im such a great friend

HERE HE IS HERES GENTA my opinion on daiki has honestly not changed since i first saw him in shinkenger... he’s still a hot douche

and i love him

tsukasa every time he has no idea what’s going on: i know exactly what’s going on

HERE THEY ARE MY SAMURAI KIDS

wow i missed them

the things i do for you kat

i could be watching super sentai right now

yusuke protecting natsumi <3333

i just like this shot and also their faces

daiki beat up and bloody is a Look

EVIL MONSTER DIEND IS SO UGLY OH MY GOD GIVE IT BACK TO DAIKI PLS

takeru and tsukasa are both drama queens... this will end well i’m sure

he’s WEARING A LITTLE PINK PONYTAIL IN HIS HAIR GOODBYE

takeru always having to hold back genta from fighting kamen riders :’) my boys whom i raised

why is daiki such a dick

i love him

the shinkengers are such ABSOLUTE LOSERS I LOVE MY KIDS

natsumi.....loves tsukasa....so much

she shouldnt....but she does

wow @ this cinnamon tography....

tsukasa’s inspiring speeches are literally just him Saying Words

takeru: u know tsukasa i think ur an ok guy

tsukasa: ??????????? why????????????

takeru doesnt have a reason tsukasa its just the Power of Gay

takeru and tsukasa just shared a really long really gay look and it was...it was really gay

tsukasa’s face when natsumi tells him he’ll always have a place to return to and call home with them.....................goodbye

i love the hashtag romance of natsumi literally being tsukasa’s home but i am also mmmm at her having to be the girl waiting at home while the boys go off and fight like okay.gif

tsukasa literally took her cookie thats shaped LIKE HER HEAD and ate it...why is he like that

WHY IS HE SUCH A DICK i know hes only a dick to cover up his REAL FEELINGS but hes SUCH a DICK

PREVIEW FOR NEXT EP GOT ME FUCKED UP i cant believe im almost done and i dont want it to be over...

tsukasa has amnesia........interesting last-minute plot point

this show really is megaforce i love it

natsumi and yusuke’s matching plaid outfits are the best thing to ever happen to me

tsukasa immediately reaching to touch natsumi okaaaaaay

my dude did u have to lean so close to her face

this dramatic scarf look is a) very hot b) very scorpio (apparently scarves are a staple of our wardrobe) (not that i would know)

natsumi is...inviting him to stay in her world...with her...okay okay okay alright alright alright

its been ten minutes and daiki hasnt shown up i miss him

dfgjdfgddfgjd THIS WHILE WATCHING TSUKASA AND NATSUMI FIGHT yusuke is truly a man after my own heart

thats a joke, he’s already won my heart

SHE DOVE IN FRONT OF AN ATTACK FOR HIM BYEEEE

mmm tsukasa desperately yelling for natsumi to wake up is A Mood

good scene decade 10/10 i live for the #drama

him angrily asking if they can treat her + looking at her comatose body all broody and dramatique when yusuke tells him that her life is in danger.....okay mister “i hate the word friends”

the extreme offense on tsukasa’s face when daiki called natsumi “that girl” lmaoooo

the tsukasa/yusuke height difference is So Good

tsukasa looks So Fucking Good in that t-shirt/black jeans/scarf combo i’m really mad about it

tsukasa just punched daiki in the face... honestly im surprised it didnt happen sooner

DAIKI JUST KICKED HIM IN THE GUTS

“is natsu melon really that important” BITCH

tsukasa, after getting beat up: her name is NATSUMI

priorities, priorities

anyone else wanna MCFREAKIN DIE

YUSUKE LOVES NATSUMI SO MUCH ;___;

tsukasa being so devastated at natsumi’s death is... a lot

even tho obviously i am against fridging a girl for manpain on Principle

and daiki showing up to be like “she’s your treasure huh?” LMAO

MOTHERFUCKER HE TOOK PART OF HIS OWN LIFE TO GIVE HERS BACK

WHAT A PUNK ASS BITCH

man tsukasa smiling (i swear thats what hes doing) is hilarious

and gross

i hate him

i hate this

I LOVE YUSUKE WHAT AN ANGEL

lmao natsumi tells him she’ll always be waiting here for him and this is his reaction.....................dumb

“decade are you also a rider”

“maybe”

WHY IS TSUKASA LIKE THAT

WHY DID HE SAY IT IN ENGLISH

WHY WAS IT HOT

I HATE HIS ASS

anything: happens

that old dude: THIS TOO IS DECADE’S FAULT

first of all they’ve all been matching w/ the reds this episode and i love it

second of all i’m banning tsukasa from looking this hot forever goodbye

brooding in dimly-lit spaces..........gross

every time tsukasa.....every time

daiki: shows up and saves tsukasa

also daiki: i’m not here to save you

sounds fake but okay

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER.....

dfjlgdfkgjd daiki just shows up and nobody knows how he got there

this is Gay

i dont want it to end...

my dude......chill

wow

w o w

i hate that outfit of tsukasa’s btw

just thought i’d mention that

by hate i mean he has no right to look so hot

THE FANGIRE QUEEN IS HOT

natsumi can get tsukasa to do anything w/ that laughter pressure point... Powerful

first of all: shut up tsukasa

second of all: RIDER CLUB MEETING

third of all: why is tsukasa So Tall

i want a refund on this show

daiki: friends...are the one treasure i dont have

BITCH

ITS NOT EVEN THE FINALE AND IM ABOUT TO MCFREAKIN LOSE IT

wooooooooooow thats gay

daiki: im doing this cuz we’re friends

daiki: we are friends right?

daiki: right tsukasa??????????

honey...sweetie...darling...this is the worst thing ever

ITS BEEN LIKE HALF A MINUTE INTO THE FINALE AND ALREADY THEY’RE HITTING ME W/ THIS OKAY OKAY OKAY

oh god hes crying

oh god

oh no

oh god

hm this is his face staring at his photo of natsumi alright alright alright

yusuke risking his own life, world, and potential disappearing to save tsukasa from the other riders............bye

YUSUKE DOING IT FOR NATSUMI........BYE

“i’m the only one allowed to defeat you” uh huh ok

daiki would never kill tsukasa so the actual translation of that is “i don’t want you to go and die”

HE LOOKS SO DEVASTED GOODBYE I HATE THIS

uhhh my momma says i gotta go home right now immediately

he is SO ANGRY

also comrades is code for “in love” right???

DAIKI AND YUSUKE CAME BACK FOR HIMMMMMMM

THEY ALL LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“I SUPPOSE WE’RE FRIENDS”

“IF I CANT PROTECT YOUR SMILE I CAN’T PROTECT ANYONES”

THEYRE GONNA DEFEAT THE BAD GUYS WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP???????????

YUSUKE JUMPED IN FRONT OF AN ATTACK FOR TSUKASA AND I AM GONNA MCFREAKIN LOSE IT

oh my god its NOT OVER

pls i wanna die

this is a good look and i hate it

this is a good shot

this whole scene is a...good shot

“i have faith in you” woooooooooooow

“things have certainly gotten stupid havent they” shut up daiki

actually dont i love you pls come fix this

NATSUMI WENT TO FIND HIS CAMERA BYE

WHY DOES THE BEE WOMAN HAVE BEE TITTIES

I HATE THIS ENTIRE CONCEPT

biiiiiiiitch natsumi just transformed into a rider

oh my god

oh my god did he let her kill him

oh my god

thats the most stupid romantic thing he’s ever said

and he’s said a lot of stupid romantic things

mmmm daiki and natsumi...good shit

THEYRE RUNNING WHILE HOLDING HANDS OKAAAAAAAAAAAY

this whole scene just killed me......they never stop touching....i gotta go

“even if i wanted to, i cant forget him...that stupid face of his” ok daiki sure

[kat voice] bitch the fuck

BITCH DID THEY DEADASS REVIVE HIM WITH THE POWER OF LOVE

WHAT THE FUCK KINDA SHOW AM I WATCHING

tsukasa

smiling

at

natsumi

is

the

worst

thing

ever

now THAT’S how you ot4

ALL THE RIDERS CAME BACK FOR HIM 

"thats our world too” WOW

wow

this is the woooooooooooooooooooooorst

oh my godddddddd

oh my god

oh my god

anyway

i dont know what else to say i hate this

i cant believe i watched an entire season of kamen rider

i cant believe i ENJOYED it

i cant believe the state im in right now

i

wow

i want death

happy birthday kat

[julucid]

Feb 18'18 / F8 / Room - Net - Clay

we were stuck, held captives in a room. i dont understand the situation, since there's no real danger, or maybe the thing just didnt show me any at this part of the dream. but we were scared. scared enough not to dare attempt anything. we never saw the outside since the windows were covered with heavy curtains, but it wasnt barred off or covered up with wood so it was basically just down to us not even wanting to touch the windows. i dont understand this dream since as obedient as we were of all these unspoken rules, we beat the shit out if the guy keeping us there. i want so badly to describe him but i cant picture anything human at this point. the last thing i remember about him was that he didnt do anything to harm us and he didnt seem physically threatening. i still cant see a person. idk what happened but we had a chance, and we managed to subdue him or maybe he was sleeping and i kinda feel like he was pretending to be helpless too. like hes just letting us try for the fuck of it to laugh at us. and we turn him into jelly. idk how. but if you reverse the process, he's back into his "harmful" form, which is a handful of beans----jellybelly candy lmao.

i shouldve written this down when i woke up earlier, this and the two other dreams (now fragments :c) but i woke up from a nightmare and i tried to deal with it like all the usual nightmares, try to forget it instantly. and i especially didnt want to touch this fucking recent one cause it had a similar theme as the last log, and its something to do with Glenn dying. and i still dont know how my dreams work whether or not they're just that, passing dreams, or fucking next level warnings, i dont even want to fucking figure that shit out. but its been mostly of him in his younger self too. idk if i should feel better for that.

the guy i heard him laughing but it wasnt clear, like it was just an echo in my head. and we already melted him down to liquid jelly, and i think we screwed up and missed a step or did it in a wrong time. and we were panicking cause we didnt know what else to do and sooner or later he would come back and idk its back to feeling vulnerable.

//// ////

im in a different room, i could see the outside now. theres dust all over the furniture and some of them smelled musty and looked like they were rotting, so i thought i was in an abandoned building. by the look its surroundings, i guessed a factory. i was with someone else i didnt know who it was at first, it all happened so fast. theres been so much that happened before this and i know we were just escaping, so i thought it was somehow connected to the first dream.

i looked outside the window with broken glass shards stuck to it and i saw young glenn, with a bunch of other kids. they look like they were in 2nd grade elementary. they were in a building were the walls werent there---maybe it was unfinished, or it was in the middle of getting torn down. they were in one of those rooms without a wall, and the only thing keeping them from falling was this metal thing. it looks like a bug screen except the squares "holes" were as big as the volleyball net square spaces. so they were all pressing their faces against it. idk what they were trying to achieve but the kids were pushing outwards by slamming their bodies against the metal screen. i didnt like the way they did it with no expressions on their faces, as if they meant to get hurt. and glenn didnt seem like he wanted to do the same thing--they surrounded him, keeping him trapped in the very middle, the first to fall. and they did fall. i saw the screen bend and bend until whatever it was keeping it nailed on to the building gave in.

i dont know how i was able to see this as if i had a telescope aimed at them, but once they fell, it zoomed back out and i couldnt see what was going on. but i did know that they didnt hit the ground. SOMEHOW, the metal screen caught them all hanging in the air. but what terrified me is that they all stopped moving, and i swore i saw their skin changed to a darker purple.

next thing i know ive already crawled out another broken window, my clothes were torn and there was a wet feeling on the side of my stomach. the guy that was with me was already ahead, idk how he got out before me when i was through the window first. we were in the second floor of the building and there was this wall we had to climb down. on the top of it were these barbed wires, but they had a weird look to them. they were white, not shiny silver, and for some reason we knew they werent sharp but mere elastic plastic. he went through first, going under 2 layers of barb wires. and thats when i noticed his face, its GLENN but he was his current age now. i didnt think about it too much and just followed. i thought climbing through the wires would take longer so i just took a hoodie that i didnt even know i had. put it it on top of the wires and let my body sit on it and just fall down. the wires bended like rubber like i knew it would. and i was on the floor. its a busy street. i saw a couple of people in the distance and i was crying now. i couldnt even talk i kept yelling help me help me as best as i could with my sharp breaths. they were laughing and was caught off guard and they hesitated and i never really saw them get up to move. but i knew that they wouldve figured it out too late. i saw the building that the younger glenn and the kids were still hanging lifelessly. they were so far. so so so far and my knees were already tired. i felt my breathing slow down and i thought my heart stopped beating as well. i didnt know i was still saying help me repeatedly and i forced myself to wake up.

//// ////

i dont remember falling back asleep cause i know i woke up hearing glenn laughing, probably playing fortnite but i know i wouldnt have dared to go back to sleep after that shit

im outside i didnt get the chance to look around and observe since i was busy. i think its a school function since everyone was wearing black uniforn and i wore a long pleated skirt with a button up shirt. theres an event going on, everyone else is outside and they're all crowded up where theres hardly any space to see where you're walking. i was in the very edge of that group, surrounded by a smaller seperate group of people. im sitting down and theres a small, low, square shaped table in front of me. the stool was pretty short too so everyone around me, towered over, blocking the sun light. i couldnt tell if i was selling, or just showcasing my stuff, but i had these clay art. i think they were also edible cause i remember thinking of them as cookies--but they looked like normal playdo consistency. they were neon colored and i remember them mostly being circle and rectangle shaped, size of playing cards, flat, but the designs were like tiny paintings. the first portion of the dream was pretty calm, i forgot what happened with the other dreams and i was even almost entirely happy. i saw familiar faces from school and people i havent talked to in a while, and we chatted like we were actually catching up with our irl lives through the dream.

after i while it was time to pack up. and i think i was either giving away the rest for free, or selling them for sale to finish up fast. but not even 5 minutes after i just finished saying that, theres already been a handful of people from the crowd who snatched them up and left without even awknowledging me. i got so mad that i ended up throwing a tantrum in ways that could only be possible in dreams, i was flipping cars that werent there and i think i even had a full tub of popcorn in my hand idk how tf it got there or why there were even any and i was just throwing the popcorn at peoples faces. i was cursing everyone forgot what i said by now lmaooo but i remember the feeling of my throat, punching out each and every one of those words. and i think it was along the lines of whats the point, like why did i even take the time to make those clayartcookies and then just left the rest on the table.

the end parts of the dream was me walking away crying-- couldnt even see shit in front of me so i found myself walking up the stairs (it was like a floor of a neighborhood streets and above is even more neighborhood streets?) and this one guy that was in the group saw everything and was trying to cheer me up. he kept on going on and on, and i dont know why he didnt give up. half of the dream was me listening to him try to re-motivate me or just to get a smile out of me. i got so guilty that he was putting up so much effort in the dream---it mustve only lasted a moment irl, but it felt like hours of him walking up the stairs with me. i just woke up cause that was the only i knew he would stop and be free lmao.

[misscasper3]

50 Questions To Ask A Girl If You Want To Know Who She Really Is

Found this article online awhile back and finally feel like answering the questions

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person? Leaving an abusive 6 year ‘relationship’

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak? When I was 12 I was kicked out of my parents house which I believe is the start to my fucked up need to be loved and needed by someone else.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself? My apartment

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to? The woods or under 5 layers of blankets in my bed

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today? My dad ❤

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? To be able to shut my brain off and cool down. I overthink every detail that someone says or does and I think I create issues that weren’t there. Also Id get a nose job if I could lol

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first? Any thought that I kept to myself, I would say it to the people it was meant for and then walk away before the person could respond back. Then, after everyone hates me lol, I would hop on the next flight to Los Angeles, go to the beach, and sit in the ocean until the end of my last day.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in? I dont see what’s wrong with living in the time I am now??

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why? Probably my Dad. I lived with him for a long time and he was there for me for every milestone I reached. He always took my side when things went wrong, and always was there for ANYTHING I needed, without question.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best? I couldn’t answer thar exactly. Certain people know certain things about me.>

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend? She’s there to listen when I need to rant. Even when I’m being stupid.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up? A singer for awhile. Then I wanted to be an interior decorator, but I dont think I really understood what the job really was. I just liked rearranging my room all the time.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be? This question requires way too much thought. I have no clue.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments? I dont see what’s wrong with compliments, I just don’t know how to respond sometimes so my words may come out weird.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical? Non

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself? I like my skinny waist and wider hips. *I would have said hair color, but I wasn’t exactly born with purple hair so I dont think that counts*

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself? I am understanding. I try to look at the whole picture instead of the current situation.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. You cant love someone truly until you know them inside and out.

19. Do you believe in soul mates? I dunno. I believe some people definitely are meant to be in someones lives for a purpose, whether to teach a lesson and go or to participate and stay.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes? I dont want to believe that the time and place I was born is supposed to judge my personality/fate.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times? I have been in love. Twice. The first time I dont think could really count though since it ended up being a Catfish story. Does it count? If it doesnt,then once.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone? when they can make me laugh and forget about my bad day(s). Also if they aren’t judgmental of my actions and they try to understand why I do the things I do. Really like when people aren’t judges of my every move.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable? Ugh.. Vulnerable to me means, helpless. Needy. Small. A diary that was opened without permission. Bringing up hurtful times makes me vulnerable. Bringing up stupid things I’ve done, or times I’ve fucked up makes me vulnerable. The people who are the closest to me, who know a lot about my past are the ones that are able to break me down in that way.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to? why is it such a big deal for you guys to “be the man” in situations. Why do you feel that you have to prove your manliness?

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do? Shave my head with clippers. Its socially acceptable for guys to be bald haha

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex? I really like how guys are just bigger than females. Like big bears standing next to a tiny bunny. The size difference I think. I think its weird if a guy is the same size as me. Girls are obviously more sensitive and emotional, so. I guess I’ll pick that as my answer.

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about? How the brain works basically. Like what makes people do or feel things. The science side behind depression or happy feelings.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do? Travel out of country. Be brave enough to go on a trip alone. Zip line.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet? Mostly money. But I am just nervous for some reason. I think I just dont trust myself to make certain decisions by myself because a lot of times when you go somewhere new, you obviously dont know the area so you’re kind of guessing on where to go, what to do.

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be? Doing behind the scenes runway hair/makeup, photoshoots. Movies.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do? I would go to the beach.

32. What was the last thing that made you cry? A fight between my boyfriend and I.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh? I dont remember exactly.

34. What is your favorite memory? My dad making a speech at my graduation party about how proud he was of me and then he started tearing up

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you? I can’t think of anything that I really cared enough about to make me feel embarrassed.

36. What is your biggest fear? Being a loser in life. Giving up on goals because of my internal battles with myself. Being alone in life overall. I enjoy my alone hours, but I’m talking about fearing being alone IN GENERAL.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one? When I was about 13, 14ish I let my boyfriend at the time tell me I can’t be friends with a certain person. He made me cut off ties in order to stay in a relationship with him.. I regret so much that happened on that day. What I said to that person was hurtful…It hurt me to say those words and I know it hurt that person too. I was literally crying as i was telling this person to leave me alone because I didnt want to say goodbye yet I felt obligated to listen to my then boyfriend for some reason. I caused so much pain to that person that effected things down the road and I can never take it back… And I regret not answering him back when he texted me on holidays. I regret not taking his number when my mom offered it to me. I regret so many things that happened to that person because of me.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? I mean I’ve got two speeding tickets. I’ve gone in “private property” places just out of curiosity.

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? I’m not a risk taker.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger? I do everyday at work.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)? Yes definitely. If that happened to me, I’d want someone to tell me.

42. What’s your favorite joke? Dunno

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person? I love both but lean towards cats.

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? A bird so I can fly wherever I want.

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy? I used to like Bates Motel.

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child? Girly girl. Picky. Hard working (Mom just told me last week).

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be? I was just thinking this in the car. Usually when people wanna go back, they say a happy time. I 100% cannot think of a time that I was so so happy and stayed happy longer than one or two days. Even if I was enjoying myself that day, there was ALWAYS something inside at the end of the day that just ate away at my soul hiding behind the ‘happy moment’.. This thought seriously depresses me.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does? I believe that when you are with someone, you are not 100% committed if you are okay with looking at other girls/guys and seeing them in a sexual way. Other people say “as long as they dont touch, its ok” or “nothing is wrong with just looking” but I believe it is fucking wrong on so many levels because that is showing desire for someone else other than the significant other. Call me prude or whatever the fuck you want.

9. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people? My brother told me that I am ALWAYS somehow able to pull myself out of every fucked up situation I’ve been in. Idk, does that really count as unique..? I guess something else would be that I literally put my entire soul into someone when I am in a relationship. I would do anything for that person. Is that unique?

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?  I feel like I’ve lost my passion for almost everything. I used to be so sure of myself and proud of what I wanted to do with my life and now its all a big question mark. My life is missing set goals and passion for doing something with it.

[altermidgard]

Star Wars Custom Playmat 100+ Characters

Just make it look cool.

Right. Anything specific you wanted?

Not really...Just get as many characters on thee as you can.

Challenge Accepted.

Yes today on the blog, one slightly vague choice of words leads to the most characters ever on one of my mats. Not by a small margin either, especially if you include vehicles (Which I do, objects are objects in programming) I'll be going over the phases of the mats design from concept to colouring telling stories as I go. We've got a lot to get through, so lets jump right in to my latest Star Wars mat.

0 To 30

Thirty is a nice number, I've done mats with around that before, there should be enough space for everyone and more importantly it should be enough slots to cover all the main hero's and villains.

Step 1: Lets make a list.  

If your playing along at home it's at this point you realise there might be a few more than thirty people in the Star Wars universe. It's Ok we can deal with this, we just have to organise everyone into some sort of hierarchy, most popular to least well known. OK, wow,  yeah still quite a few people in category one.

This is where I was at. Making lists. I've been making mats a while now, you get an instinct for how many and how large the components of the design need to be. Thirty wasn’t an arbitrary number, it's what I considered the upper limit for readable characters to be.  In first panel bellow that's how many names I finally settled on. There were many brave souls that fell by the wayside though and to be honest I wasn’t happy about it.

31 To 60

Writing the names on a scrap piece of A4 set the trend for the majority of the sketching phase. Usually I would draw thumbnails, four to eight images on one piece of paper but in this instance I needed to go bigger sooner. The second panel shows the most readable of my early sketches. All the previously names characters are there plus I'm starting to think that if I can get them all in at this size with extra space to spare there might be room to add a few more. Circles for heads is all they get right now but it might work. It just goes to show though. Until you actually start on something properly you cant know how its going to turn out.

The next panel is a more comprehensive redraw, more thought gets given to the layout and how the eye will flow around the image. While the rest of the design process is one of refinement and addition it.s here where the design mostly comes together. That's actuality one of the nice things about doing these blog posts. Looking back and trying to explain your thoughts and processed to others gives you insights on your own work you might never have noticed, I recommend people try it  

Next up. Working on a light-box in pen gives me the opportunity to add even more detail. For some people this might not be the case but having that extra contrast and a finer point than most pencils really helps me out. The other nice thing about changing medium is that it alters the art style slightly. I'm making quicker more precise marks and it leads to a more dynamic atmosphere. The real trick will be trying to preserve that feel though the rest of the production

60 To 80

A different style again as I go digital. I'm using the airbrush tool and am less interested in line than I am the shape and weight of each object. It's also an early chance to test where the light should be coming fom. Where I've placed the vanishing point is causing a few hiccups. Triangular spaceships are especially hard to get right and a lot of their final placement has to do with that.

The silly thing is I could add more elements to the design. There's still plenty of room, think of the final total!. But no, at some point you have to take a step back and say 'this is a silly amount of work already and adding to it is going to do more harm to the design than good.

80 To,.. Who the heck knows.

I stopped counting at this point, didn't really want to know. We are almost there though. Most lines are either vertical, horizontal, or pointing at the vanishing point, I've got piles of spirals, and grievous's arms finally look right. Although Obi-Wan needs some work if they are going to duel. There are still questions to answer though. Things like what colour Lightsaber should Starkiller have and why is Luke's head not attached to his body. Enough sketching though, lets get started on the colouring,

Balancing the Force

I say colouring. What I mean is 'lets use a light grey to work out the lighting'. The grey will be easily overwritten so we have a bit of room to experiment and it keep me from doing the outlines first. Another option would be to use yellow, it just comes down to what tone you want your image to take on. There's a lot of ships and metallic in this piece so I went with the grey.

Notice how the left half of the image is always darker? Tha'ts intentional. By loading up on characters there's just going to be more dark there. Why have I done this? Because it offsets the big blob of dark on the right that is the Emperor and Darth. Basically I'm looking to balance the force. Its also why Luke and Leia are in white. That and so they are the main focus of the image I want the ye to start or end thee.

It's a Trap

I don’t want to be using that many colours on this piece. With all the different people and objects here the composition could easily start to break up if everything got its own pallet. This stage then is about making sure that doesn’t happen, all the blues are the same blue, all the browns likewise. I think I even managed to stick with this rule all the way though which is good because it can be so tempting to just think, hmm what if I just add a smidge of this colour here?

I should really have added the ships at this stage though. You can already see how areas of the image I'm less sure about are falling behind the others in terms of how far along they are. (keep an eye on Darth for example)

This is the Droid I was Looking for

I was tempted to stop here.

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I don’t normally do pastel shades but this was working, all I had to do was come up with a background and...

… Yeah, no, space is dark, I've designed myself into a comer so we will have to keep going.    

If you have been wondering about why characters are where they are, beyond the timeline aspect, there were three other considerations.

1. Are you a bad-guy? If yes your probably a big floaty head the rest of the cast can anchor around.

2. Are you a hero? If yes, you probably have most or all of a body, good job you.

3. Are you someone I like? I'm colouring I don’t know how many people and have free reign, naturally your going to find that my preferences bleed into the design.

Yes that is why chopper is font and center.

Space is Big, Like Really Big.

I found these glitter gel pens. No idea if they would wok on this material but if they did it would make colouring stars way easier. Not particularly economical, I used them up just on the background but the nice thing about them is that the glitter breaks up the colours and gives a sense of depth to areas that would otherwise be large and flat. Time will tell if the stars stay on the mat, But you have to experiment right, how else do you learn new things?  

I gave it an extra few layers of sealant just for go measure.

Back on topic. I might have gone a little hard on the quantity of red in Maul's face, it's started to spread. Luckily Thawn has darker hair so it's an easy fix but it's still a reminder not to get carried away.

Mostly Harmless

Hey Darth finally has arms, The pose took some time to get right to be honest. It had to fit the existing upper chest and head and align with the vanishing point since its so close. In the end I fond a one that had the Lightsaber out horizontal and after that it was just a case of getting the other arm right. I went back and forth on the city scene, easing the buildings then adding them back in. something needed to be there to contrast with the stuff in front but I just wasn’t feeling it. turns out they just hadn’t been dark enough and making them practically black with little window lights was the way forward.

Almost everything is in now, but as usual I still have the eyes on most of these people to add. I also need to do something with the Emperor. He's the biggest thing on the mat, he needs a little more respect/detail than I have given him so far.

The Final Frontier.

Add clouds to the planets atmosphere, make the stars and Lightsabers glow in the dark (glow under UV light actually) and just generally go around tiding up. I'm just about done here. OK applying the sealant and taking pictures comes last but close enough.

I guess I should actually count the number of things on the mat then. Just a sec...

110ish! Give or take. That's quite a big number, and not something I think I'm going to be beating anytime soon. Probably...

Next time, lets simplify things a bit huh.