#guess we’re reviving the pen game??

[prometheanglory]

🖊Xuehai 🥺please and thanks!🥰🥰🥰

if not for marian’s intervention, xuehai would actually have relatively tanned skin and dark hair — but also, xuehai would be pretty frail (if not dead, first and foremost.)

he is constantly using his mana, though, not entirely consciously. his body is sort of a walking hotspot of mana and his burning of mana makes for a very chilly atmosphere around him. he is emitting much more mana than usual at NRC because he is not at all fond of the heat 💀 walking AC unit

despite hating the heat and excessive warmth, he actually really likes hot teas and hot foods in general

he’s got a bit of a reputation back home for being a troublemaker prince. not that he’s slacking or not taking his duties seriously, but in that he is so headstrong that it’s hard to persuade him to do (or not to do) things sometimes.

elaborating on that last point, he’s got the tendency to break out of the palace and do work around the city just because he wants to and because he can. it can take the guards and some members of the court a while to convince him to go back...

when i think of his UM i think of him gradually building up to it on top of his constant mana burning going from a simple cold aura to the ground visibly freezing as his blizzard summoning begins. i don’t think the typical ‘softness’ of a snowfall can be found here. ice pillars errupt out of the ground at his will and icy winds blow and snow stings your skin and well. that’s just how the soverign’s wrath goes, isn’t it. it can be a very overwhelming experience, depending on how heated (nice pun) he is.

he’s very picky (but shockingly well-informed) about a variety of things, ranging from ocean tides, tea leaves, to philosophers and their works.

his demeanor, when the temperature doesn’t make him feel like ripping into a man, is much more say, roguishly charming in a noble way? is that a good way to put it? he’s very bold, spirited, and charismatic — but politely sharp enough to still entertain the mood as opposed to his usual very gruff and curt mannerisms.

his braid is a cultural thing. most citizens in the polar crests are expected to have a braid — be it singular or multiple braids, but it is mainly an old tradition that symbolized their devotion to their families and out of respect for their environment (life is very intertwined. take care as to continue that weaving and to not disrupt it carelessly). a long braid that is very neat and maintained is very praised, it supposedly shows ‘good character’ and a willingness to maintain the self.

i don’t know how to describe his physical capabilities outside of freight train. he’s not operating on the same nimble basis as some — but he’s got a lot of power and force behind his style that doesn’t need to rely on much agility and flexibility.

xuehai isn’t actually sure if he’s done growing yet. you’d expect at least marian to know but. oops. (the tailors of the city are rubbing their temples at the thought of it).

[roger-that-cap]

meet me in the gardens

summary: y’all know the drill

warnings: reader is sort of bitter/cynical because of circumstances, unedited, two girls bonding as they should

word count: 4.5k

this is part four! all other parts are available on my masterlist!

The first time you met with Natasha in your gardens, you felt like you were committing some sort of heinous crime. You constantly checked over your shoulder to make sure that no one was watching you, to make sure that no one was going to see that you were heading to meet someone, and especially that no one knew who you were meeting. 

You were quiet as you rounded the area and saw no one waiting for you, your hopes of meeting with Natasha sparking out with more vigor than they had been sparked with, and before you could make yourself turn around, you sighed and then inhaled, trying to keep your nerves at a minimum. She wasn’t late. She couldn’t be late if she was doing you a favor. Before you could get too far in your thoughts, you heard the soft sound of a footstep coming, a stomp so loud that it almost felt intentional. You turned around and saw Natasha approaching, and for the first time, you saw the woman out of her armor. 

  It was like you were seeing something illegal, at first. You almost shied away, almost averted your eyes, but then you realized that you just… couldn’t. She was too pretty. She wasn’t delicate kind of pretty, and nor did she try to be or not to be, but she was just gorgeous. The moonlight, once again, was her ally as it worked to make her features pop, and illuminate her already bright eyes. Her lips were curved upwards in a hesitant smile, almost as if she didn’t expect for you to be there, let alone before her. And then it dropped, like she expected you to lose nerve and leave her there. The small sliver of vulnerability in her eyes made you take a small step forward and offer her your own awkward smile. 

 So, you spoke. “Thank you,” was all you were able to get out, but for the moment, that was enough. You expected her to playfully milk it, to ask you, “for what?”, and have you play some humbling game that was both passive and aggressive and teasing. But all she did was smile softly, as softly as the light was hitting the dew on the grass, and tell you that you didn’t have to thank her. 

  “Have you tried refuting it?” She asked, her voice a little less soft in the night. 

“I told you, it’s useless.” You stood up straighter and walked past her slowly, implying that you wanted to walk with her through your garden. “The High Priest’s word is practically law.” 

“The King is fond of you,” Natasha said, and you gave her a look. “If you ask him to challenge it, he will.” 

“He may, but I doubt he would think differently than any of the others. They think I should be married. They don’t think that a woman should be in charge of all of the things that I am in charge of.” You kicked a rock. “They think we’re useless.” 

“I know.” 

“That’s why I looked at you like that, you know,” you blurted, and she narrowed her eyes at you as she tried to understand what you were talking about. “When we first met, do you remember how I stared at you?” 

“I thought you were going to turn me away.” 

“No, not at all. And I apologize for my rudeness,” you added, and she gave you that curt knight’s nod, the nod that told the receiver of it that everything was fine. That whatever happened could be considered buried. “But I looked at you like that because… I’ve never seen a woman be a knight before. I’ve never seen a woman with rough hands, nor have I ever seen her natural desire of battle be fulfilled. I’ve seen common women get dirty and scoop fertilizer and gain muscles, but never for themselves. Always for the good of the family, the good of the farm. I had muscles on the farm when I was young because I had to, not by choice. But you… you look the way you do and behave the way you do by choice. You chose to be a knight, to be a protector, and to have calloused hands. Unfortunately, I never grew up having choices, but after my husband died, for a while I finally did. But now they’ve left me again, and it’s even worse now that I’ve become a lovesick romantic for the idea of free will.” 

You were more than embarrassed by your speech. You had hardly taken breaths throughout it, but miraculously, your words flowed together and you didn’t sound half as nervous as you felt on the inside after finally revealing a pathetic part of yourself. You waited less than patiently for her response as seconds ticked by with just the sounds of feet hitting and leaving the dirt, and the occasional drag of one foot against the ground. 

“So, you’re jealous?” 

You almost laughed. “Of course that’s what you got from that.” 

“And you were a commoner?” 

 You frowned. You were sure that she had heard it from someone else if not by you. And if not by the sword of someone else’s mouth, you assumed that she could spot another commoner from miles away, beneath all the layers of skirt and manners that you forced yourself to keep. “Of course I was, you can’t tell?” 

“Sometimes you use language that isn’t very… noble, but I wouldn’t have guessed that you were a commoner before.” You hummed and nodded to yourself. Your etiquette teachers always told you that your language and the accent that you  so desperately tried to hide would be your downfall. That, and the way you used to stare at hot food in the beginning like you had never seen a slab of meat in your life. “You seem like you’ve adapted nicely.” 

“I had no choice but to,” you said softly. “I was isolated. If I failed as a wife, there was no one that was going to be able to dig me out of the grave.” 

  “How did you meet Lord Mirellis?” You made a displeased sound, one that caught her attention. “You don’t have to answer.” 

“You owe me a backstory,” was all you said before clearing your throat and continuing to walk, staring at the flowers that you tended to while you spoke. “He saw me while I was working on the farm. I was feeding the pigs, I’ll never forget. He didn't really say much the first time he saw me, just watched and loomed over me like a shadow. I didn’t think much of it at the time besides to give him a curtsy because he was a high lord and I was close to nothing, and then I kept doing my work. I was young, I smelled like mud, and I was feeding pigs from my hand. I never thought twice about the way he looked at me, with his narrowed eyes. I assumed he was looking at me in disgust, like most nobles do to commoners. I didn’t think twice.” 

  “I went back into my house, a little brick thing, and there he was. I remember curtsying a second time, and my hands shook because the air between him and my father was so thick. I remember feeling something in my bones, feeling that things were about to go terribly wrong. So there I was, standing on the hay doormat with mud up to my knees and straw in my hair, smelling like pigs. And then he asked my father- no- told my father that he wanted to take me to his home and wed me, and that he would have it no other way. My heart stopped there. He told him no, and for a moment, I believed that he would keep refusing, until the lord started giving offers.  My heart stopped again, and it died when my father gave me one long look, and then looked at the man in front of him, who was much more powerful, much stronger physically, and able to ruin our family with one stroke of a pen. And then, without even talking to my mother, he told him yes.” 

“Oh…” Natasha said, and you nodded your head and sighed, almost like you were recounting another’s boring tale and not your own. 

“It felt like before I could even blink, he took me home, here, and married me. It was quick and expensive and I remember wearing a beautiful dress on that day, probably the prettiest dress I had ever seen at that point. It was everything I wanted as a child, because luxury was my first choice, even though it had gone unanswered and unfulfilled. And then I learned that luxury and the prettiest dresses that came with it didn’t mean anything if I didn’t have the choice to go with it. It was hard for me to learn, but I learned. But I didn’t learn to settle with my husband. I warmed his bed because I had to, I held his hand in front of others because I had to, I mingled with his family because I had to and because he kept me from mine. But I was never his, like it said in the vows. And he was never mine.” 

“Did you want that?” When there were a few beats of seemingly impenetrable silence, Natasha spoke again. “Did you want a relationship like that?” 

You scoffed, but it wasn't mocking, It was a sad sound, a sound that you wished you could have taken back the second it left you. “Not with him,” you scoffed again. “With someone else. As a girl, I always wanted to be married to someone who loved me, and someone I loved just as much. It was my dream, maybe even more than luxury was. I wanted love. Not true love, because everyone knows that doesn’t exist, but I wanted to fall asleep and wake with someone I could actually stand, someone that made me smile. He singlehandedly killed that dream. I don’t think it can ever be revived, but I also didn’t think that it could die a second time in the form of Brock Rumlow.”

“So you don’t like not having a choice, and a part of you is still holding onto the idea that you could find love?” 

“I suppose that I said all that to say what you’ve said in a few words.” You admitted softly, looking at your hands that used to have calluses. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Natasha insisted, shaking her head slowly. “I asked for you to tell me. I was honored to get the whole story.” 

You scoffed again, covering your arms with your hands as a gentle breeze blew. “You’re… you’re gentle with me.” 

  “Am I?” 

She was. It was something that you thought about, and also tried not to think about. You often caught yourself watching her wield her sword and exercise and walk into the woods only to return hours later, and claim that she was on some soul searching hunt. The look in her eyes was always hungry, always challenging, always looking for something deeper. But there, in the night with you, she looked just as gentle and delicate as the flowers you were both surrounded by. 

“You’re so fierce during the day, I see it. And I can see it brewing under your eyes, and I can hear it under your words. You’re not typically like this, are you?” 

 She waited a minute before she responded. “Why do you ask?” 

 “Because you’re not like this usually. It’s in your nature to be … harsh. This isn’t you.” 

“It is,” she corrected. “But it’s not the way that most people deserve to see me.” 

Your heart constricted. “And I deserve to see you this way?” 

“I think you deserve a lot of things.” She answered vaguely, and you stopped your walking to take a look at her and her face of indifference. “I think you deserve more kindness than you receive. I think you never got it to begin with.” 

“And you’re trying to make up for lost time?” 

“I’m trying to let you know that the world isn’t out to crush your spirit,” she said, sounding slightly exasperated. “You’re so burnt out that you hardly even know it, you know? You’re so tired with the world and the people in it and the wicked ways of both that you don’t even realize that you only have two more inches of rope. You don’t realize that you’re burning both ends of your candle, and it’s horribly tragic. You could be so much happier, if you would just let yourself.” 

 Your mouth could have been shown shut at that moment. Your eyes were bugging out of your head, and you doubted that they were dry. Her words were nearing desperate, tone past begging. Did she truly care that much? It was so odd. Even odder, was she right? 

  “Both ends of a candle, huh?” You asked, the visual coming to rest in your mind and you nodded, trying your best to keep it together. “And if I was? What would you have me do?” 

  “I would have you go and sit alone by yourself, and find what truly makes you happy. The twins would be glad to help you. You don’t have to burn during the daytime when you’ve got a perfectly good sun working. Two of them.” You let out a small chuckle. 

  She was right. As brutish as she seemed, Natasha was proving herself to be correct over and over again. But your head was starting to pound, and you were close to tears again. You couldn’t let yourself cry in front of her. 

Not yet. 

“I think I’ll retire,” you said softly, voice flowing as gently as the breeze as you watched her nod her head. “Is there… is there anything you want to talk about?” 

“I’ll save my backstory for the next time.” 

“Next time,” you repeated, somehow, the words sounded foreign on your tongue. “Okay. I’ll be counting on it by the day,” you said, your voice a little too heavy to be a lighthearted tease, but she indulged you anyway. 

“I’m sure you’ll hardly even make it to four.” 

§§

Natasha was right, you hadn’t made it to four. Next time came in the form of two nights later, after you had cried your eyes out in your room for two days straight all by yourself, not even allowing Wanda in to come and dress you. Your eyes were puffy and your palms had little crescents indented in them from your nails digging in out of nerves and to distract you from the ache in your chest. The moon had barely finished rising in the sky when you trudged out of your room, gave four knocks on Natasha’s door and hoped that she would take the hint, and then took off towards the gardens. 

 While you waited, you couldn’t help but to watch the flowers sway in the breeze. The weather was constantly warm yet breezy in your region of the kingdom, and it had always been one of your favorite parts of living in Riverstone. The moonlight changed their colors, made them look somewhat eerie in the night as you waited by yourself for a knight that may or may not show.

 “I assumed this was what four knocks were for,” Natasha’s voice mused from behind you, and you didn’t even jump. “I assume you don’t just want to-”

“Can you tell me about yourself?” You interrupted, glancing at her and giving her a dejected look that you didn’t even realize you were wearing. “Please?” 

  “Um, yeah,” Natasha muttered, and then she cleared her throat. Her blue eyes connected to yours while she started to tell her story. “I grew up in the slums, you know that. Near the castle, in the capitol.” You had assumed that much. “I grew up watching knights, and I realized that was what I wanted to be when I was young. And unfortunately for me, I never stop going after the things that I want.” 

“That’s a gift,” you said, and she shook her head. 

“It depends on the things that I want. More times than not, it’s a curse.” Her eyes trailed over to a rose that was working on blooming, and then back to you. “Two other kids I grew up with felt the same way, Steve and James, but he always went by “Bucky”. They’re older than me, but it felt like I was always looking out for them. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way. They’re knights now, they passed their quests.”

 “That’s wonderful,” you said, and she nodded her head. 

“They live together now, out in the country about a hundred leagues west of here.” 

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head. “They- they live together?” 

Just like that, Natasha’s almost carefree recollection of ehr memories was sliced through with an iron tone and a steely glare as she watched your expression, protecting her lifelong friends that weren’t even there to hear anything you could say. “Something wrong with that?” 

 “They- they could be killed for that,” you whispered, eyes fixated on her despite how mean she looked in the moment. 

“That’s why they live in the country,” she muttered, turning her head away from you, and you could have sworn that she clenched her jaw in what looked like disappointment. “I didn’t think that you were the type to judge that.” 

 You weren’t. You were actually judged, especially after some people in the beginning of your stay at Riverstone started to believe that you were having an affair with Wanda. You weren’t, and Wanda was simply your best friend, but that didn’t stop you from realizing how harsh the world was. Sexuality was never your concern, seeing as you never had choices to act on whichever way your heart swayed anyway. 

 But you couldn't deny that you were getting nervous for the way your fickle little heart acted around Natasha. 

  “I’m not, I promise,” you said, and she gave you a long look. “I just… I just know that people have been hurt because of… the way that they love. It’s not right, but it happens.” 

  “And you?” Natasha asked, and you furrowed your brows. “Who do you love?” You knew that she wasn’t talking about a specific person. She was talking about sexuality. 

Men. I love men. That was what you should have said, something along those lines and something concrete. It should have been something that would have convinced her and yourself that you were in the clear, that you loved the way society wanted you to. But instead, like Natasha always managed to, you opened your mouth and told the truth. “I don't know.” 

You looked away before you could see the pure shock flood her face, and then the mask of understanding that collapsed it. 

“It doesn’t matter who you love,” she said quietly, almost as if anything louder than a whisper would frighten you back into being reserved. “Only how you do it.”

“I’m not sure that priests feel the same way,” you muttered, and she snorted a bit. The sound coming from a woman both shocked you and made you grin. 

  “Those same priests abuse children. It’s safe to say that I have no cares for anything they have to say about me and my lifestyle.” You sucked in a breath at that and looked towards her, eyes wide as you waited for her to say something else so terribly true but all you looked over to find was a knowing smile on her face as she looked right back at you, painstakingly gorgeous. Your breathing stopped for a moment. 

“And you?” You dared to ask, but your boldness was erased by the way that your voice trembled. She gave you a look that attempted to convince you that she knew nothing of what you were talking about, but the glint in her eyes gave her away. “Your… preference.”

“I hope my lack of answer keeps you up all night,” she said, and she turned her back to you abruptly, starting to walk away. You sputtered until you could find words. 

“Wait, what?” You reached out to grab her, warm hand wrapping around the cold skin of her arm, and she turned her head to look at you, face so close that you got nervous. Your eyes drifted downwards, and then back just as quickly. Your heart raced in your chest when you thought about her leaving you behind by yourself in the garden, and then it ached again when you really understood what your panic was about. You didn’t want to be without her, being alone didn’t bother you any other time. “What made you want to be a knight?” You asked out of nowhere, and you saw her face scrunch up. “If it’s not too much to ask to know.” 

  “I… it’s not much. I didn’t see anything heroic or watch anyone be saved. There was no knight that saved me either, no knight that I looked up to. In fact, I was the one out of the three of us who wanted to be a knight first,” she said, and you leaned forward, almost like it would make her point come faster. “I read a story… you know the one about Sir Yuriel and Lady Selene?” 

   You blinked. Of course you did. Everyone knew that story. It was a common one that was read to children right before bed, about a time where the crime for falling in love with someone who wasn’t your intended was punishable by death. “The one where they run away from the people trying to kill him together?” 

“Yes,” Natasha said, and you furrowed your brows. It was hardly a positive story. It was a story drilled into young minds about the dangers of not doing what they were told to do, and what could happen if they chose to carve their own paths. 

“The knight dies at the end,” you pointed out. 

“He dies protecting her,” she corrected, but you just shook your head at her. 

“Regardless, he died. Why would you want to die?” 

“I don’t want to die,” she said, and you waited for the other part of her answer. “I want to do what he did, but better. As bad as I might still seem to you, I’m still a girl. And I want to love someone so much that I would give everything for them, and I want them to love me back enough for them to give up all the riches that Selene did. Just like you.” 

You ignored the pang in your chest at her accuracy, and the knowing look in her deep eyes. “Oh, so you’re a liberator? You save women from unfortunate circumstances?” 

“More like I just hate seeing things that are blatantly wrong, and I like to fix them.” 

“Then you’re in the wrong profession. You should have tried for a king’s associate.” 

“The people who are the true menaces listen to swords, not dried ink.” She patted her hip, right where the hilt of her sword would have been if she was in her armor. “I’m right where I need to be.” 

“In the middle of the garden of a widower, who cries herself to sleep every night after learning that she’s to be wed again?” You asked, and somehow, despite the severity of your words, there was a teasing lilt to your tone. 

 “I think we’re both right where we need to be.” 

“Oh, wouldn’t that be something? If the stars lined up kindly for a change.” You couldn’t hold back your scoff. “I’d get on my knees and pray for the first time in years.” 

Natasha stared at you for a long moment, her eyes calculating something that was completely lost to you as you crossed your arms and looked right back at her, a quiet and tension free challenge hanging in the air between you. “Have you ever even watched the stars to see if they aligned?”

“I don’t have the time or the spirit for that,” you said, a small laugh edging out the hardness in your voice.

 “Interesting.” 

§§

You had a day full of Pietro, an evening just sitting and talking mindlessly with Wanda, and then you got a sharp round of knocks on your door, and though you had never gotten them before, you knew exactly what they meant. 

Natasha was waiting for you, and the sight of her had you nearly choking. She was in a flowy white gown, the material so thin that it could have been a night gown. Her hair that was typically up during the day was down, and the Riverstone breeze was as evident as ever as she stared back at you, either waiting for an action or a few words to come from you. However, the second you opened your mouth, she shook her head. 

“Not a word. We’re stargazing tonight.” 

The part of you that was beaten into being mature was immediately turned off by the idea. Stargazing was something that you hadn’t done since childhood, and being a child never got you anywhere you needed to be. But the other part of you, the one that had been buried in dust just like your hands from that time had been covered in mud, wanted to do it. It both excited you and terrified you, because not even Wanda could make that part of you surface, not like how it was then. 

  You knew, without a doubt, that it had everything to do with Natasha Romanoff. 

You pretended to debate,but on the inside, you were already giving the stars love-eyes. “Let’s do it, then.”

It lasted for hours. Mostly, the two of you were silent, but that hardly meant that the two of you weren’t bonding. Every so often, she would turn her head to look over at you, and you would ignore the electrifying feeling of her blue eyes on the side of the face, vision fluttering all around your face. And then, you would look at her the same way, studying her like your former etiquette teachers would stare at your sewing and your posture. You found that with her being so close, you couldn’t deprive your eyes of watching her.

But when you weren’t looking at her for your own benefit or looking at her watching you, you were watching the stars. You laid under the arch of the gardens with her, a few petals blocking the way of a few distant stars. It felt… right. It felt natural, with the silence and all, and above anything, it just felt peaceful. You forgot everything that was troubling you within minutes of just lying there next to her. Feeling the warmth of her skin and the security of her being near was worth more than a thousand words, and you found that in that moment, sitting in silence with her and looking at the stars that had screwed you over so terribly was one of the best decisions that you had ever made. 

*****

hi guys! hope you liked this installment!! it’s about to be really fluffy and then we’ll get into what i like the most: drama wjjdjjdjdjx

question!!: i have about 13k worth of hades!natasha x persephone!reader in the vault. would you rather me start posting it now or wait for this series to be finished? we’re getting there with this one, ish.

tags! : @teenwonder @procrastinatingsapphictrash @fayhar @8plasma @slut-for-nat @dontmindmejustreading @swords-are-cool @200605chaeng @thescottishavenger @antidaytime @jenny-song @madamevirgo @natasha-danvers @blackxwidowsxwife​

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rae

Rae has 16 stories at Gossamer. If you like MSR, you should go check them out, including (but not limited to) the fun-titled, banter-filled The Cat, an Espresso and a Bag of Sunflower Seeds. Big thanks to Rae for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It surprises me that anyone reads my fanfic at all, let alone they are reading it 20 years after I wrote it!

But in the same vein, I am still actively reading xfiles fanfic and I tend to read the older fics, or new fics by authors I recognize or remember from back in the day. I cannot explain this lack of rationale. ����

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I had a great experience with the X-Files fandom! I made some fantastic friends - many even attended my wedding! I didn't really get involved in the dramas that went on. I was aware of it, but really, I just wanted to discuss my show with people that loved it like I did and read the fic, so I ignored all the other static.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Mainly message boards. AOL chat rooms, Yahoo groups, etc. We would all sign on after the episode aired and chat about it. Deconstruct it. And then we started traveling to meet each other and the real fun began!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

It was definitely a growing experience. It forced me to step outside my comfort zone a little bit. Traveling to NYC, LA and Chicago to meet people just to fangirl with. Meeting Gillian and getting a picture with her - it was wild.

Different shared experiences that "real life" family and friends just didn't understand. It was fun and exciting.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

So I came to the show late in the game. I was sick, lying in bed channel surfing and caught the last 5 minutes of Fight the Future and immediately wanted to know why this woman was sitting in the snow holding onto this man. I spent the summer recording episodes on FX during the week and watching them all weekend and was somehow able to pretty much catch up on the first 6 seasons in time for the 7th season premiere.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

In my quest to know all the things that summer before the 7th season, I discovered AOL chat rooms that led me to different discussions on the show in general and at one point, a link was posted to whatever fanfic was hot that minute and I was instantly hooked.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I often feel like a wallflower at a party. I'm on the fringe, looking in to see what's going on. I don't bother anyone and most people don't even know I'm there. Every now and then I'll send feedback on a story, or I might even participate in a random discussion, but I feel it's a little more difficult these days without the chatrooms and discussion boards. Following people on tumblr or twitter and trying to engage in those platforms is more awkward since it feels so much more personal. It's like I'm intruding on someone's personal space.  Or having to scroll through non-fandom stuff to find the fic. The message boards were a more even playing field I guess? It's hard to explain.

When I'm hardcore searching for something...anything to read, I'll refer to "The Classics" list. There are still many on there I haven't read.

I miss ephemeral.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

No. No other characters have ever interested me beyond the story we're given within the confines of the show/movie/book like Mulder and Scully did. My friends would dive into Harry Potter or Marvel or (fill in the blank with anything) and I would try to get excited, but there's nothing.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Well, Scully because she's so bad-ass. She's always so certain of her convictions. We don't see her second-guess herself often.

Anne of Green Gables because against all odds, she still sees the beauty in everything.

Jo in Little Women because she is just so tenacious. She knows what she wants.

Hermione in Harry Potter. She knows the most important thing she'll do is help Harry and there is value in that, so she gives it all she's got.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I do. A couple of years after the original run was over, I lost a dear friend (met because of XF) and then later I had my first baby and life just got busy in a very different way so I fell out of the fandom and just dropped all of it.

And then there was the revival. I waited until all episodes aired and then binge-watched them. And I did the same with season 11, but waited about 6 mos after it aired to watch it, rewatching the whole series from the beginning, first.

But now I turn it on a few times a week while I'm folding laundry or making dinner or some other chore. It's nice to have it on in the background because I don't have to pay close attention because I know what's going to happen. I've actually watched the whole series a few times this way.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I still read XF fic. It's still my favorite thing to read. I am always looking for the next great fic to lose myself in. Back in the day, I would read any pairing, any genre...I was game for anything, as long as it was XF fic. I'm a little more choosy, now, but only because my free-time is more limited. I only want to read MSR and I'm not at all interested in revival fics.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I am partial to the novel-length AU and canon-divergent stories.  I love everything by Prufrock's Love and Bonetree. I have read Paracelsus, A Moment in the Sun and the Goshen/Secret World series countless times. Journal 1999 and Journal 2000 by MD1016, The Mastodon Diaries by akaJake, Blinded by White Light by Dashak, Deliverance From Evil by Char Chaffin and Tess.

I could go on all day.

My absolute favorite story is Arizona Highways by Fialka.

I am partial to Scully angst. And the Emily storyline just kills me, so when authors take those elements and write a kick-ass story, I am there for it.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

How awful is it that I had to look up my fics to answer this question? I don't know that I have a favorite. That's like asking a mother which child she favors. Maybe One of the Damned.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I won't say never, but I don't think so. I've tried to start one or two with some ideas I've had, but I haven't gotten far with them.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

No. I don't even have time to read as often as I would like to.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually what if scenarios - I try to work out different ways the story could go in my head. I would usually have the guts of the story written in my head before I typed the first word.

What's the story behind your pen name?

There was already a well-known Rachel posting fic when I got started, so I just decided to go with a nickname - Rae.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My husband is crazy supportive and tries to convince me to write again All. The. Time. I never hid my XF obsession from anyone, but I don't think I told many people about my writing.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I am on tumblr and twitter, but like I said above, I don't really post. All of my stories are at Gossamer.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 9, 2021)

[myfriendscallmecoelophysis]

The Fears of a Goddess Pt 2

Part 2 of my Dark! Ianite fic

Part 1 

Part 3 

Enjoy and as always

Find me on Ao3:

Selenejessabelle12626 for the tame stuff

Lady-Spieroles for the less tame stuff ;)

~

“Hey Karl?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You seen Jordan around?”

“Not today I haven’t. Don’t think I saw him yesterday either. Why do ya ask?” 

“Just haven’t seen him. Bit weird. Lemme know if you see him.”

“Will do.” Karl replied as Tom emerged from his mine, pickaxe slung over his shoulder. He hadn’t seen Jordan in a few days, hadn’t heard from him either aside from one passing message about anyone knowing a librarian who traded rare books. He and Karl had both responded with negatives and heard nothing from Jordan since. 

Tom nearly fell over when he stepped into his house because Dianite was there, waiting for him. He’d not seen Dianite in weeks, maybe even months (he’d lost track of the days ages ago). In an instant he inclined his head to the God. “Dianite.” 

“Syndicate. I am glad to see my trust in you was not misplaced.” The God greeted, sounding pleased. “And you did as I asked?” 

“Yes. They think I serve Ianite. Jordan wasn’t happy about it but Ianite didn’t seem to mind. Did you find something about her? She’s possessed by the Shadow thing isn’t she?” 

“Unfortunately no, my sister has done far too good a job at hiding her motivations. At least for now. I have no idea about the Shadows, Mianite has taken it upon himself to lead the charge on that research. But that is not what I’ve come to speak to you about. Have you seen The Captain recently?” 

“Haven’t seen him in a while, neither has Karl. Why?” Maybe it was time to start worrying about Jordan if even Dianite was trying to find him. 

“Hmm, I was afraid you’d say that. I think it’s time we find him.” 

Tom led the way to Jordan’s island, searching the entire tower for the Captain. There was no sign of him but there was evidence that he’d been there recently. His cats all had food, the brewing stands had bottles and actively burning blaze powder, the extra food in his chests was still fresh. He’d possibly even been home today and had just stepped out for a moment. 

“I’ll go check the temple.” Tom suggested, assuming Dianite either couldn’t or wouldn’t set foot in it. As Tom swam to the temple entrance he realized it’d been a while since he’d been here, not since ‘swearing his loyalty’ to Ianite. It looked mostly the same except that now, there was a doorway in the back corner. When had Jordan done that? And what was it? A secret room? If so it wasn’t very well hidden. He’d seen better from Jordan before. 

Curiously, Tom approached. Beyond the veil of water, he saw a hallway that went in and behind the temple. A glow of light came from around the corner and as he stepped through the door he could hear the murmur of voices. There was a button set on the wall just inside and he realized that this was indeed a secret room, the door just had not been shut behind the last person who’d entered. He wasn’t surprised by the existence of a secret room from Jordan, Gods knew the man could be paranoid about people stealing his stuff, but they'd established somewhat of a gentleman’s agreement in this world against blatant thievery, so it didn’t really make sense for him to have one anyway. 

Tom kept his steps light as he went down the hall, listening carefully. “...was the author of a lot the books in Ruxomar, in that world he was-” when he rounded the corner Tom was surprised to see not a vault but some sort of library. Sparklez was sat at a desk with Ianite leaning over his shoulder, both looking at something on the desk, their backs to the door. “-their Father. If I’m right, he has a counterpart here, like we did there.” 

Tom backed away into the shadows when Jordan looked up. “My vision.” Ianite said and Jordan nodded in agreement. What were they talking about? Tom admittedly hadn’t paid much attention to a lot of what was going on in the other world but he did vaguely remember what Jordan was talking about. Some bloke whose name they’d heard referenced pretty often when it came to the history of the realm. World Historian or something like that. But he could have sworn that World Historian had been the guy that had attacked them after they’d revived Dianite. Jordan surely knew that, why was he looking for him? 

“We just need to find where he is.” 

“You never cease to amaze, My Champion.” Ianite said, squeezing his shoulder as she stood up fully. “I’ll see what I can find and bring back to you. Thank you.” 

“Of course Milady, anything.” She disappeared a moment later without any fanfare. This was Tom’s chance to talk to Jordan alone. And maybe figure out just what the hell was going on. 

He backed down the hall to the doorway, ducking through the veil of water quickly then back in once more. “Eh Jordan? You in here?” He called down the hallway, as though he’d only just found this. He heard the fluttering of paper and the scrape of the chair on the stone brick floor. He pushed the button to seal the door, the sound of pistons firing echoing down the hall. “Whoa.” He said, loud enough that Jordan would be able to hear. 

“Uh, yeah.” Jordan replied, maybe realizing that Tom wasn’t about to just leave. At his acknowledgement, Tom ventured down the hall. When he rounded the corner he poured the appropriate amount of awe and teasing into his expression and voice.

“Jordan you sneaky Jordan you, what is this? Fancy little secret library?” Jordan was honestly quite a talented builder. He stuck to basic builds most of the time but when he went all out, boy did he go all out. The temple was right pretty and this little study library thing was something out of a wizard’s castle. 

Sparklez didn’t look too happy to see him, his expression carefully neutral. Clearly this was intended to be something Tom wasn’t supposed to find. “Just something I built.” 

“Why put it here? Did Ianite ask you to?”

“I’m working on something for her. It just made sense to put it down here.” He replied with a shrug. 

“What’s she got you working on?” Tom asked as he looked around, highly aware of the way Jordan hesitated in replying. 

“Just some stuff about the prophecy and all that.” 

“C’mon Sparklez, you can tell me. We’re both Team Ianite.” 

Jordan scoffed a bitter sort of laugh. “Yeah, you Team Ianite.” 

Tom frowned “I am. I swore it and everything.” 

“Sure Tom, whatever you say.” He rolled his eyes and turned back to the desk, pushing papers aside. 

“I am. I told you. I want there to be balance.” Something in Jordan’s posture stiffened for a moment, his hands pausing in their search for whatever he was trying to find. “That’s the point isn’t it, us coming back here? To get the Gods all balanced and strong or something like that?” 

Jordan turned back but something in his eyes had hardened, instinctually Tom took a step back. “And how are we supposed to do that if you’re trying to join my team? Each of us has to help a God, that’s what the prophecy said. Karl with Mianite, Me with Ianite, and you with Dianite. So stop this stupid game and just admit you’re up to something!” Tom took another step back, he’d not seen Sparklez angry like that for a while. Not since a prank he and Karl had pulled had gotten a bit out of hand and set his chicken pen on fire. But Tom had never been one to back down, he could give as good as he got. 

“Me up to something?! I’m not the one that’s been hiding for a week doing all sorts of shady stuff.” 

“It’s research!” 

“For what?! There’s no magic in this world Sparklez.  Research is not an excuse! What’s she got you doing?!” He didn’t mean the reference to Ianite to come out as sharply as it did, suspicion accidentally leaking into his words. Sparklez was far too clever to not pick up on it, his eyes narrowing beneath his glasses. 

“I am doing the job we are supposed to be doing, helping the Gods become as strong as possible.” His voice was as cold as ice, his eyes boring into Tom’s. If Tom were a different man he’d have bit his tongue and held back the scathing remarks he so badly wanted to say. He would have taken a deep breath and calmly deescalated this entire thing. Unfortunately, he was Dianite’s Champion for a reason and defusing conflict was simply not something he did.

He took two steps towards Jordan, getting entirely in his personal space, something he knew the man hated and let his words spill like lava. “Fat lot of good that will that do when Dianite locks her up anyway.” He was shocked when Sparklez shoved him back, his feet slipping under him on the damp stone. He fell on his ass and Jordan wasted no time stalking over and looming above him. He’d drawn his bow, leveling a nocked arrow at Tom. He always forgot how scarily quick a draw Sparklez was. 

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” 

“What are you talking about? You can’t change the future! We agreed we wouldn’t!” He wouldn’t dare. Sparklez had been the one to bring it up in the first place, what damage they could cause if they weren’t careful. He wouldn’t just do it anyway, not after he was so adamant about just letting things happen as they should.  

“Plans change.”

So that’s what they were planning then. He wanted to change the future. Keep Dianite from locking Ianite up if Tom had to guess. The real question was, who was the mastermind behind the plan? It was certainly in Sparklez’ character to stand up for Ianite but he’d known what would happen to her when he’d told Tom to abandon any ideas of changing the future. But already Dianite and Mianite both had their suspicions about their sister. Maybe she’d managed to convince Sparklez to help her change her fate? Either way he had to talk to Dianite. 

“Sparklez-” 

“I think it’s time for you to go Tom.” He interrupted, taking a half step back so Tom could get to his feet. He let his bowstring slacken but didn’t remove the arrow. 

“Jordan.” Tom pleaded. “Please. Think about this. You said it yourself, we were sent back to help the Gods.” 

“And I am. With my help, Ianite won’t have to suffer. Now, leave. Go back to Dianite.” 

“Jordan please.”

He drew back the bowstring once more, the tip of the arrow pointed directly at Tom’s chest. “Leave Tom.”

‘What are you doing Sparklez?’ “Fine.” He raised his hands in a show of surrender then backed out of the room, only turning his back to Jordan once he rounded the corner. The moment he was out of Jordan’s sightline, he broke into a sprint, smashing the button to open the door and all but diving into the water. He had to get to Dianite and tell him what was going on before Jordan could inform Ianite of their argument. 

He swam as fast he could back to the surface, shouting for Dianite the moment his head was above water. His God appeared above the water a fraction of a second later. Before he could say anything, Tom was already speaking. “They’re doing something. Trying to change the future, find a guy called World Historian, or at least his alternate self in this world. He was bad news when we saw him before, can’t imagine he’ll be much better now. And-”

“Calm yourself Syndicate. You’ve done well to learn this.” Dianite interrupted. He gestured and then they were both standing back on Tom’s island. “It’s not what I expected of her but unfortunately I can’t say I’m surprised. She’s never been particularly happy with the fate our Mother prophesied for her.” He put a hand to his chin in a thoughtful expression. Tom wasn’t sure what to do, he couldn’t do anything to a Goddess and Jordan was clearly off the deep end along with her. “I must confer with Mianite on this development. For now, collect the other one and see if you can do something to keep the Captain occupied and away from my Sister. We will handle her.” 

Tom nodded and then fell to one knee, inclining his head. “I request to return to your service My Lord.” 

“Very Well.” Tom felt the sudden heat of a flaming blade above his shoulder. “Syndicate, do you swear your loyalty to me?” 

“I do solemnly swear my fealty, mind, body and soul to you and your cause My Lord Dianite. From this breath until my last, I am yours to command.” He did not need the prompting of the ceremony, he knew the words by heart. He felt the touch of the blade upon each shoulder and then the strange, shimmering void like feeling that was the hallmark of Ianite’s influence disappeared. In its place, the comforting and familiar heat of Dianite’s infernal fire returned, rushing through his veins like wildfire. 

“Rise my Champion. In return for your loyalty, I present you with this blade.” Dianite said, presenting the hilt of the blade he’d used to Tom. The moment he took it, Tom could feel the strength it was imbued with. It shined with enchantments, he did not even bother asking what they were, the power that poured off the weapon was plenty to assure him of its strength. 

“Perhaps with this, you may stand a chance at surviving a confrontation with Ianite’s Champion.” 

And then Tom was alone. 

Ok. Somehow he had to keep Jordan’s attention as long as possible, after the huge fight they’d just had. Jordan, who was highly unlikely to want to see Tom, let alone spend an extended amount of time with him especially now that Tom knew what he was planning. The friendly option wasn’t going to work this time. Tom took a deep breath and entered his home, opening the chest that contained his valuables. If the friendly option wasn’t going to work, he had no choice but to go with the nuclear option. From his chest he pulled the stack of TNT he’d been slowly adding to for weeks in case it ever was needed. Now seemed as good a time as any. Nothing like a classic rampant bit of destruction to get and keep Sparklez attention. 

He couldn’t do it alone though. Jordan would certainly catch him far too quickly for the risk to be worth it. He needed Karl’s help. 

“Karl If I asked you to help me do something extremely dangerous and stupid, would you?” He asked on a private communicator channel. 

He began to sort through his inventory, putting his weapons in easy reach, removing useless blocks and items. He had a few leftover potions that he pocketed and made sure he had plenty of food. There was a chance he could be on the run for days if he got Sparklez mad enough. It’d happened in the old world, after Tom had set fire to Sparklez tree. It'd been a terrifying and anxiety-inducing few days. But he’d do it again now if that’s what it took to stop him and Ianite from changing the future. 

“Uh, possibly. Depends on what it is.” Karl replied. 

“I’m going to blow up Sparklez island.”

“Why the hell would you do that?! Aren’t you the one who told me not to mess with him like that? Something about us not standing a chance if he ever really went after us?” He was right. Tom had warned Karl early on against pranking Jordan too badly. 

Tom knew when he was outmatched and Jordan made it a hobby to make the strongest weapons and armor just in case something ever went down. He’d been that way since the Modestep siege. His philosophy had quickly gone from neutrality to being the most geared out once he realized that they were reluctant to attack someone with the bigger weapons. It’d only gotten worse in Ruxomar. With all that technology, Jordan had become practically invulnerable within a few days. Tom still to this day wasn’t sure how he’d managed to make his ‘Bow of Balance’ as strong as he had. Not to mention that force field or the ‘Price of Betrayal’ sword. At least in this world he didn’t have access to any of those but still, who knew what enchantments his weapons had? 

“I know. And that’s why I need your help. He and Ianite have gone mad. Dianite needs me to keep Sparklez busy while he and Mianite take care of Ianite but if I go alone he’ll probably kill me in minutes. I need you to help me run interference.” 

Karl said nothing for a long moment and Tom sighed. He was asking a lot of Karl, risking his life to help him do this, but what other choice did he have?

“And you’re sure about this?” 

“No.” Tom admitted “But I really don’t have a better plan.” 

“Alright then. What do you need from me?” 

~

They flew over to Jordan’s island fully decked out in their strongest armor and weapons. It may have been a bit overkill because c’mon, it’s Jordan, but right now Tom wasn’t sure Jordan wouldn’t attack them outright. He’d threatened him seriously enough before. He was behaving out of the ordinary for sure, oddly enough that Tom wasn’t willing to say he knew what was going through his head. 

“You go in through the top, I’ll go in from down here. Place the TNT but don’t light it. I don’t want to destroy more than we need to to get his attention.” Karl has a less than stealthy running stop of a landing on the roof but it’s leagues better than smashing into the wall. He waved down to acknowledge he was ready and with sword drawn, Tom entered the tower. 

They clear the tower without a sign of Jordan, meeting up on the floor he’d dedicated to potion work. “Anything?” Tom asked. He’d placed his TNT sparingly, but strategically. Aiming for structural damage over actual brutality. 

“No sign of him. But the upper floors are mostly empty, not sure why he built them to be honest.” 

“He builds preemptively. Decides what to do with a room after he’s already built it. He might be down in the temple still, not sure if he’d even hear it if he’s in that secret room.”

“Outside then? I don’t really want to be the one to blow up his temple.” 

“Won’t work underwater anyway.”  They head outside and scatter the leftover TNT around his farms. It’s possible Jordan isn’t here, thought Tom’s not really sure where he would have gone. The Nether wouldn’t do much for him and the End was just, the End. There was nothing there to begin with. 

Tom dove down into the Temple but again found no evidence that Jordan was still around. He returned to the surface as Karl was climbing up onto the chicken pen. 

“I don’t think he’s here.” Karl commented after laying the last piece he had.

“I don’t think so either. But where could he have gone?” 

~

Jordan had always had nothing short of an impeccable sense of direction. He’d placed no markers in the End to point in the direction of Ianite’s study, he just knew which way to fly. He’d not been the one to make it, presumably she had at some point in her life. All he’d done was contribute a handful of rare books he’d traded wandering traders for. This was her domain entirely, he was just visiting. He glided through the doorway and gracefully came to a stop behind her desk, falling to one knee without hesitation. 

“I didn’t expect to see you so soon. What happened?” She asked, standing without pause and pulling him to his feet. 

“Tom found my library.” he confessed, Ianite’s expression darkening. “We got into an argument and-” she put a finger to his lips, meeting his eyes with great seriousness. 

“I don’t care what was said but tell me this, does he know of my plans?” Perhaps in another life, with another Ianite, Jordan might have noticed the way her facade had dropped ever so slightly when she spoke not of ‘their plans’ but of hers when as far as he knew it had been his idea. 

“Nothing more than preventing Dianite from locking you away.” 

Her eyes softened and her hand shifted to cup his cheek “Then you’ve done well.” Ianite stepped back to her desk. “I suspected that at least Dianite had his suspicions, it’s why he sent Syndicate to our side in the first place. It’s no matter if they have an idea of what we have in motion. Even if they knew everything, it’s far too late for them to stop us. With what you uncovered I revisited one of my Mother’s old journals. In it is detailed the location of the temple where my Father was imprisoned. That is where we need to go.”

“Tom’s probably told Dianite by now, or at least Karl who would have told Mianite.” “I agree, we must move quickly. But that is also why I have a gift for you.” 

He watched as she pulled something out of thin air with a great sense of purpose. She turned back towards him with a single arrow between her fingers. It was made of materials in shades of purple, he would expect no less from her, but the arrowhead itself was a deep, otherworldly amethyst color. She held it out to him with a warning of “be mindful not to touch the arrowhead.” 

“What is it made of?” The only materials he knew that would give this color besides dyes were not in this world. There was no manyullyn or purple wood or gemstones besides diamonds and emeralds.

“It’s a tainted arrow.” She said calmly and in an instant he was wary. 

“How did you make this?”

“With the wisdom of my other selves. But more importantly is what it is capable of. It’s stronger than any poison. A single scratch will permanently cripple a mortal, while a full strike will kill so thoroughly that there is no chance of rebirth or revival.” His mind jumped immediately to the only mortal in this world who would not be a part of the future he and Tom knew. Was this the reason Karl never arrived in the Land of Mianite? 

“And to a God?” he asked, knowing she would not have specified the effects on a mortal if it only affected them.

“It won’t kill us. There is nothing that is capable of killing a God without further assistance or intervention. But it would weaken us to the point where we are hardly capable of anything, let alone accessing our powers.”

“You want me to use this on one of your brothers.” He stated, looking down at what could very well be the single most powerful weapon he’d ever held. All the talk of the Kikoku, the sword that could strike an immortal being, in Ruxomar and only Tucker had wielded it. In the end it hadn’t even mattered. It had been Jordan’s own arrows augmented with Ianite’s power that had brought World Historian down.

“Ideally. Though I leave it up to you as to where you think it will be the most useful. I cannot make another. So choose wisely. I trust you to make a good choice.” She said sagely. With a nod, Jordan carefully slid it into his quiver. It was enchanted so that it never ran out of arrows but that only applied to the most basic kind. He’d made his own as well. Arrows of poison, arrows of harming, and now the tainted arrow. 

Ianite had said little of what they were to face upon finally finding her Father’s temple. Only that within it was a book that contained the spell she would need to reach her full strength and that they must find it before either of her brothers. Even with his earlier confrontation with Tom, it was unlikely Mianite or Dianite would get to the book first. That did not, however, mean they wouldn’t try to stop him and Ianite. He’d taken to carrying most of his most powerful weaponry and armor on him in some capacity. Between his inventory, the shulker box and the ender chest, he had access to his more important items at all times on his person. 

“We’ll have to go through the Overworld to get to the Temple.” Ianite commented. “I expect by now the others will have rallied in some fashion to stop us if not slow us down. If your friends are waiting for us, will you be able to fight them?” 

He took a deep breath and nodded. “I swore to you My Lady. I’ll do what I must to make sure we succeed.” 

She smiled in return, a pleased glimmer in her eyes. “Thank you Captain. You have no idea how much your loyalty means to me.” Ianite extended her hand to him. The moment he took it the End blurred before his eyes. When the haze cleared they were in his tower next to his bed. What immediately caught his attention were the blocks of TNT scattered around. There was only one possible culprit. 

“Tom.” He all but growled, pulling his sword from its sheath. A quick swipe of the blade broke the bundle of explosives, rendering it inert. As he stepped out from behind the stairs, he saw them both outside the window. 

Tom and Karl stood on the path between the animal pens, both dressed in full enchanted diamond armor. Tom held a shimmering diamond sword while Karl had a shining trident. Jordan had hoped, in some deep seeded part of himself, that they wouldn’t be stupid enough to do this. Karl didn’t know any better. He didn’t know the reputation Jordan had built himself among the others. He was the weaponsmith, the artificer, the inventor, the one who pushed the very limits of what was possible with tools and weaponry. Tom however, did. Tom knew better than to challenge him like this. 

“Remember Jordan,” Ianite murmured, laying a hand on his shoulder “From the depths and death of Balance arises Justice.” Then even quieter, so that her voice was no more than a whisper “It is their Gods who want me in chains.” 

Jordan took a steadying breath and steeled himself, then stepped from the safety of his tower.

“Really Tom? Resorting to your old tricks?” He called out, twirling his sword in preparation for a fight.

Tom adjusted his own grip on his sword. “Until they stop working on you Sparkly pants.” 

“Are you really sure you want to do this?”

“I’ll do what I have to so that you don’t change the future.” 

“You mean the future where Dianite is evil? The future where we spend weeks hiding and hunting each other down like animals? Where we spend our time devising more and more complicated ways to kill one another? Building secret base after secret base and not trusting anyone? The future where You kill Dianite? That’s the future you want?” 

Karl’s eyes widened, clearly Tom hadn’t told him much about the future they were fighting to defend. At first Tom said nothing then, slowly he said “If that’s the future that is supposed to happen then so be it.” 

“You may be willing to live through that but I am not willing to put Ianite through that future again. I will not be the one who sentences her to a millennia of imprisonment.” 

“You’re supposed to be the balanced one Jordan! The guy who doesn’t choose sides! That’s what you said Ianite was! Don’t you remember?” 

“I have always chosen a side. It just wasn’t yours. I chose Ianite even when you had no idea who she was because I was always meant to choose her. It’s my responsibility to prevent her from suffering any more, in this world or any others.”

“I didn’t want to do this Jordan, not really. But you’re not giving me another choice.” Tom said, shaking his head in disappointment. He pulled a redstone torch from his inventory and it was only then that Jordan noticed the thin trail of redstone dust that spread from near Tom. 

“So much for Team Ianite then.” Jordan sneered. 

“We both know the price of loyalty has always been high. But right now, it seems like yours is just a bit higher.” He dropped the torch, diving into the ocean with Karl right behind him, relying on it to protect them from the worst of the blast. 

Jordan barely had a moment to react before his farm exploded, scattering dirt and wheat across the island and the surface of the surrounding ocean. The rest of that half of the island went up seconds later, the blast strong enough to throw him against the tower. The enchantment on his armor protected him well enough but still drove the breath from his lungs. He struggled to get to his feet before the tower blew but then Ianite was there. 

His ears were ringing and his eyes were blurring but he could still make out the hand that was reaching towards him to help him to his feet. Her lips were moving but he couldn’t hear what she was saying, nodding in hopes that she had asked a question. “I’m fine.” He managed, blinking through the disorientation. She’d kicked the redstone trail apart he realized, scattering the dust enough to prevent it from reaching the explosives in the tower. 

She was saying something as she helped him stand, slinging his arm around her shoulder while putting an uncorked healing potion in his other hand. The last thing he heard before she teleported them away was Tom and Karl, screaming his name.

[snowtimeisbesttime]

Thoughts and questions on Pesterquest Volume 5, routes 1 and 2!

also: sollux for volume 6 (route 2) you (might have) heard it here first

-The trolls' Prospit is still perfectly fine when we see it, as we still haven't done away with SGRUB. In Kanaya's route we see Alternia's Reckoning, the Land of Little Cubes and Tea, and our favorite rainbow drinker fan hunting for frogs in the clouds; meanwhile in Karkat's we straight up see his dreamself- who winks out of existence when he wakes up. John's did that too when he woke up after Prospit fell on the Battlefield, but I had thought dreamselves just teleported to their dream room's bed when the waking self woke up.

-Actually, I'm pretty sure we've seen dreamselves just existing on the moons when their counterpart is awake: John's before Descend, Vriska's in Make Her Pay, Dave's being on the computer and of course Dirk switching between dream and real selves, Roxy's flying out of Derse, Jane's when she dream revived (??), and maybe more I'm not remembering. Of course, dead dreamselves such as Aradia's or Jake's can't go anywhere.

-Possible candidates for Volume 6 basically trolls who were namedropped or had a cameo: Sollux (VERY likely imo, he had a good bunch of screentime in Karkat's route), Terezi (very likely too, as she's also a Peak Protagonist troll), Gamzee (less likely than the other two imo, though MC's been to his hive already), Vriska (could or could not........ it's a gam8le.)

-Worldbuilding: *happens* Me: *burning through my good note-taking pens*

~ROUTE 2~

-Now to Kanaya's route proper: she's got sunproof dresses just lying around. Very nice sunproof dresses, in fact. (the clothes collecting tradition goes on...)

-Rose immediately comes up on MC's mind when they look at Kanaya's room, though she's dealing with another Light player herself. Whose cameo here was practically expected, in hindsight. ::::)

-We find out that Vriska had been planning the whole Pupa Pan thing for Tavros for a good while. (Probably since she started planning Aradia's gift at least, though that was both a bigger project and also an... easier-to-see fix to what she'd done to her).

-And now that we've seen Kanaya's side of this, the panel where she finds out what the dress was for hurts a lot more.

(-actually kanaya spends a good bunch of her entire volume being sad??? and so does karkat??? and ofc jade did too????? That’s Fucking Illegal Let My Children Be Happy At Once)

-mc still remembers their movie date with polypa...... the feelings at least

-MC encourages Kanaya to finally tell Vriska how she feels, and it turns out she wants to be matesprits too... and it ends horribly. (Rose's bad route also seemed to be going perfectly well until it didn't).

-We don't know how much of the week she was out was spent travelling between their respective hives, though. (did she fucking run there and back???)

(-Kanaya's heart eyes, motherfucker sprite has jade eyes while Karkat's terrified sprite has grey eyes. Further fancy-eyed friends will probably have their associated color as well.)

-And by the time Vriska might have felt what Kanaya felt (the 3-way showdown) instead of just using her for her own benefit, it was too late.

-Bright colors seem to be a rainbow drinker thing, specifically? As opposed to being Alternian goth... (daraya's route explicitly states that she looks goth because she's wearing a lot of black, when she's actually one of the Troll Call trolls that wears the least black. What is the truth? We just don't know....). Meanwhile, chainsaws seem to be the go-to weapon of rainbow drinker hunters, like stakes are for us...

-Kanaya doesn't want a vampire gf, she wants to be the vampire gf! And before MC realizes that, they come way too close to a bunch of murderzombies. Now we know they can choose who they zap with them, with potentially disarming side effects!

-Undead blood is black like His Honorable Tyranny's, and probably something you should NOT put in your mouth.

-Sadly, Kanaya doesn't get to actually talk to the Tentacle Therapist herself, though she is assured that she'd like her. Mayhaps some other time, they will finally meet... hopefully in person.

~ROUTE 1~

-Weird knowledge of alien stuff absolutely takes a backseat to Friendship. Good to know retcon powers have an aim assist of sorts too.

-Karkat's theme gets a remix like John's Pesterquest one!!!!

-Karkat himself is as fucking zen as ever. And while he's got a wonderful good end (as in what happens -wise), his bad ends -all his routes even- are VERY much sadstuck to compensate.

(-Especially his short one... he finds out he's not the only being in the world besides his lusus with crimson blood, because he just murdered the other one... and then you think about how he immediately warms up to MC in his good route, and how he did the same with -past- Spades Slick, and then how his dreamself died in canon...)

-He can project his voice very well, just like a certain other someone who wore a cloak... Actually no shit he thinks ancestors are bullshit (besides vriska & eridan being 2 out of 3 trolls he knows that are into that stuff, and all that), his own's the most illegal one so neither him nor the aforementioned trolls he knows that are into that stuff would have found much stuff... (even Mindfang stuck to sneaking just the sym69ls in her journal).

-Did he paint his nails? If not, who did?

-Of course he'd notice this random alien was very warm. What he didn't know is that we're less cullable than we look like- case in point, Folykl. (actually, do we still have Plot Armor?)

-...Who was Gamzee talking to when we zapped into his broom closet? And why did Karkat freak out so much when he came close? He did know Gamzee was a clown, iirc... was he just leaking psychic spoops or what??

-The second Karkat finds out MC and him have the same blood color, they became friends in his eyes.

-Sollux (is here!!) kinda calls back to Dave in Volume 1, after Karkat and him finish their regular greetings and get to the point of the conversation. Hacking into the caste records is incredibly illegal, though Sollux's more than willing to risk being culled for Karkat*.

-We know there was an Adalov way before Hivebent time, but we don't know if that's our Adalov- and sadly MC doesn't get the chance to even hear that name. (it's too soon still.)

-How do we get rid of SGRUB? We take Karkat “The Fucking Leader” Vantas to Earth, obviously! Where he'll be able to play various skate games, bond with the kids over games left unplayed, and escape a certain death. Wonder how everyone’ll react to him disappearing...

-Narratively Unimportant Traits 1: dave loves olive garden's breadsticks!! Narratively Unimportant Traits 2: ...because he can eat a lot of them when otherwise he might not get to eat much of anything Narratively Unimportant Traits 3: karkat's been years perfecting hiding from drones that will kill him if they so much as detect his body temperature, and it's implied he may have been moving (will keep moving) from hive to hive as needed all this time because of the early warning systems, which warn him of his hive being about to go up in flames and killing everything inside it- including his lusus. We're in Hivebent's timeframe, but considering his good route's what takes SGRUB out, he might not even have turned 13 yet.

-Karkat's bad route ends with him just leaving, shrouded in Signless callbacks, after being put on a cull list not even retcon powers can escape from. ...That's also a way to get rid of SGRUB, I guess.

*Back to Sollux being a likely choice for volume 6- in Karkat's bad route, he repeatedly tells Karkat to come to his hive, after seeing him on the cull list and knowing there's drones after him. He knows and explicitly doesn't give a fuck about him being a mutant (though he doesn't seem to know how exactly is he a mutant). The last thing he tells him is “don't make me tell you how much i hate you.”

After that, he doesn't hear anything more from Karkat because he throws his palmhusk away, and then he just leaves into the wilderness. And even if we get the typical Friendsim timeline smoothie shenanigans, Karkat's on Earth in his good route and we don't know if he can still contact his friends. (Sollux can hear the imminently deceased. There's the chance that he might hear from Karkat one last time.)

If we do get the timeline smoothie, that's a hell of a motivation to seek out MC. (And even if we only follow the good route, Karkat still dropped off the face of Alternia after asking Sollux to hack the caste records and telling him MC was in his hive.)

[rioniarts]

welp, gang! not only another year is coming to an end, but it also marks the end of a decade. i’ve been drawing for over 10 years now, so i figured i should do a decade of art just to show off my work over the years!

if you want to read my retrospect of each year, it’ll be under the read more! heads up, it is a bit of a doozy.

TL;DR: just all around happy with how much i improved over the years and i can’t wait to see what 2020 will bring!

2009 (11-12 yrs old)      at this point, I’m on my second year of drawing (both traditionally and digitally!) This year mainly consisted of either oc art or drawings of my best friends at the time, but there was some fanarts sprinkled here and there. I also did my first animation piece around this time too tho it’s private now :3c i may show it off one day...

2010 (12-13 yrs old)     I got my first drawing tablet for Christmas 2009 and this is when i went ham on my digital drawings. this year was kinda weird i guess? i started experimenting a more cartoony style on some artworks, though the majority are still anime inspired.

2011 (13-14 yrs old)     ah yes...... the year i found out about homestuck.... well, i found out about it on the second half of the year. the first half was all about my ocs. this was because around this time (or late 2010? i dont remember exactly) i discovered flipnote hatena, where I did tons of animations including my ocs. but once i discovered homestuck, that was all i posted for a while lol. this was also the year I made my tumblr account. oh and I also lost my tablet pen for a few months so some of the drawings from this year were made with a mouse.

2012 (14-15 yrs old)     I started falling out of deviantArt and became more active on tumblr. I mellowed out on the homestuck drawings a bit and posted other stuff. this year was kinda similar to 2010, where my artstyle was kinda all over the place. the second half of the year I discovered a super obscure browser dating sim called Star Project and became a part of the roleplaying community so plenty of my artworks revolved on my muse Souta and the game as a whole. 2013 (15-16 yrs old)     this year was really quiet in terms me posting art. i had been constantly doodling both traditionally and digitally but I never got around to posting the majority of them. this was mainly because I was so busy with school. on the flipside however, I discovered Earthbound and i hecking fell in love with it ♥

2014 (16-17 yrs old)     still relatively quiet but i posted more than 2013 lol. Earthbound drawings galore! i also did posted more oc work, including my gal Usako. I haven’t posted her anywhere in a long time though. i have been redesigning her and i’ll show it off sometime in the future!

2015 (17-18 yrs old)     ahh, here we go! now we’re picking up the pace! i graduated from high school this year and started posting more often. splatoon came out this year and I was constantly drawing them squidkiddies! (tho tbh my rin and len drawing is my fav) this was also the year I got Manga Studio (an older version of Clip Studio Paint) but I still used Paint Tool Sai. this was also the first year i did commissions!

2016 (18-19 yrs old)     this year was really interesting tbh. lots of really neat works and i started to do more backgrounds. this was also the year I (attempted) to do my webcomic! i haven’t updated that thing in a long time tho. I want to reboot it one of these days. but anyways, good mix of fanart and oc works. really, this year was great.

2017 (19-20 yrs old)     this was the year i made this very art blog and my instagram account! (which i haven’t advertised here at all but here’s the link lol) i think it was around this point i found my own artstyle that i want to more or less stick to! of course, it was going to change overtime, but compared to the years prior, my artstyle at this point has been more consistent. this was also the year i attempted to start an oc askblog with a friend of mine but it haven’t gone far ;w; def want to try again one of these days!

2018 (20-21 yrs old)     this year was also really nice! i moved to a new university to get a major in animation. quite a few persona 5 and kingdom hearts drawings here and there since i was like love with both of those games (even tho kh3 wasn’t even out at that point, but i was still hyped omg) i also introduced Cimmaria and Nicktornal for a future story that i’m currently developing! i also made a full move to Clip Studio Paint after Paint Tool Sai wouldn’t load on my new computer.

2019 (21-22 yrs old)    last year of the decade and i left it with quite a bang! I def posted more often. i did missed a few months, but then i would come back with a bunch more works to post! I discovered Artfight from a friend so that kept me busy during the month of july! made a couple more animations too since of course i will be doing more of it for university. 

So, what’s my 2020 art resolution?

Def want to keep posting! try to go for at least 4 artworks per month, one for each week.

experiment more on backgrounds, perspective and composition!

post more oc artworks! i haven’t been posting much about them for the past few years but I really want to change that. there is one oc i am definitely introducing to you all! here’s a hint: it is a Dungeons and Dragons character. I will show them off when the time is right uwu

continue developing on story ideas and sticking to it! i’ve noticed that i usually start on projects only then to drop them later on. I really want to revive them and work on it!

continue working on animation! if all goes well, i’ll be taking animation classes in fall of 2020 so i need to start prepping more!

and of course, continue improving my art!

that’s all i have in mind! if you got this far, thank you guys so much for reading this wall of text lol. I promise that will do as much as I can to fulfill these resolutions! onwards to 2020 and beyond!!

[bounnostra]

koji | endgame part 1 | Re: Simone, Evie, Sute (small q for aki/moth/gambit)

Koji lowers his head in shame as the results are announced. He acts with conviction for once in one of these bogus trials, and of course he gets a 50/50 guess wrong. Figures. The fact that it wouldn’t have made a difference either way offers no comfort.

He tries his best to regain his composure as Evie and Sute explain themselves, but Sute’s hand moving towards her sword while glaring in the direction of Finlay and himself earns an eye roll.

Koji looks at Finlay for guidance as Sute confirms his suspicions about her motivations. Seeing that they’re keeping their mouth shut, he opts to keep silent as well.

Evie’s condition is news to him, but he can't bring himself to care about her motive, either. He looks down and scribbles in his notes, moreso to avoid looking Evie in the face than anything.

Only Ana’s protests get Koji to look up.

“Simone… I hope you realize you’re allowed to be a little selfish right now. You, especially. I hope no one here would fight this.”

Koji presses his pen a bit harder on his paper than usual as Sute snaps back at Grisha. He wants to tell her to address the substance of what he’s saying rather than his tone, to say that everyone has a right to be angry at them right now, but he’s not sure anything he has to say to Sute would help.

Evie’s acknowledgment that she wronged her girlfriend earns a barely visible smile from Koji. He sits up straight in his chair and addresses her points from the top.

“Yeah, we’ve known for a while that you guys aren’t the ones who dragged us here or set up the game. It’s been obvious since we established that this is the first cycle with a Don, I think. That’s not… why I’m mad, personally.”

He taps his pen on his chin for a bit, and shoots Sylvie a small smile. Ethics talk time!

“The issue is not the consequences of your actions, it’s the actions themselves. Like… I’m mad because we were deceived for months. I can’t speak for the others, but for me, it’s not any deeper than that. That’s fair, isn’t it? So, if there’s some context we’re missing here… some additional info suggesting you basically had no choice but to play again for a prize… I’d like to hear it. Everything else… tricking me, Finlay, Simone… It all stems from that initial decision.”

Feeling a little tired of playing the intrepid reporter, he softens his voice.

“You say you played your Don role as intended in part due to the chance that two more people would be out of the system, right? It wasn't something that was promised to you, but something that could happen. Seems more likely than Gambit letting the rest of us out if we won, at any rate. Gambit can afford to lose only two people from future cycles.”

He sighs.

“In which case, why not just agree to leave after the clubs gang victory? Was there something about that option that made it unappealing? You sound like you were surprised to learn that Mothman and Aki-kun are still hanging around here.”

His eyes move to the empty seat between Claire and Aki.

“Speaking of Clubs gang… Do you know what became of Nisha? We haven’t seen hide nor hair of her. Was she able to leave?”

He gives Aki, Mothman and Gambit a quizzical look, in case they might have an answer to this question, before turning back to address Evie in a more somber tone.

“No matter what… we are still looking at our probable execution and revival into a rapidly deteriorating… pocket dimension, or whatever this place is. And we’re going to face that without knowing what’s going on. So yeah, maybe nothing you or Sute could have done would have changed that, but y’know. We’re anxious, we’re stressed out, we’re probably literally about to die.”

He spares Sute a passing glance before refocusing his attention on Evie.

“And we get you two have been through a lot for the sake of Saori and… beginning to feel like you exist in this space, it sounds like? I'm not sure I have that right, but it sounds important. Just... forgive us if we aren’t enthusiastic about going through this for the sake of some higher purpose we didn’t choose. If your goal is peaceful closure, it might help to refocus this conversation away from your motivations and onto us.”

He sighs and looks at the ceiling.

“Like… I dunno… maybe we could talk about the future? I’m with Sylvie, is there some way we can retain our memories? And... if you retain your memories after this trial, will you at least try to find some way to bust us out, if possible? There may be new opportunities, with everything breaking down around us. Y'know. That alternate route out we've been talking about. Could be an opportunity for you two as well, if you are not allowed to leave.”

[dyketectivecomics]

I’m the anon whose setting the bomb off by asking why season six won’t happen

TL;DR- bc Teen Titans (2003) ended! It wasn’t canceled! It was brought to a conclusion, that fans weren’t super happy with obviously, but it was an ending nonetheless.

I’d really like to encourage everyone in the fandom to read the interviews gathered by TitansTower (2nd half of the page) during the time TT03 actually aired. David Slack, Glen Murakami, & the crew have said over and over again, the original order for the series was for 4 seasons. WB hadn’t expected the popularity of the show to last past that, but it exceeded expectations and by the time season 4 was wrapping up development, they were asked to pen a movie and move forward with development for s5.

They had LOTS of ideas for season 5 too! More side characters they wanted to explore! More depth to get into the Brotherhood’s plot! But unfortunately, when they pitched the idea of a Longer season/more episodes, they were asked to keep it at 13 eps, the usual order. There were Talks about a possible 6th season & the crew started prepping for it and pitching it because, hey! they were passionate abt the show they were working on too! But WB ultimately decided to move onto other projects and guess what? So did the crew! Because that’s just what happens! Things end and you have to accept it and move on. Huh it’s almost like Things Chan-

(The rest under the cut here, is very much getting more into a Rant that veers way off topic (the Bomb is above mostly, the shrapnel is below lmao) & it hasn’t been proofread for errors bc I am, as the kids say, Big Mad. so Beware. You’ve been Warned) (also tagged: long post, in case the cut doesnt work for whatever reason, sorry mobile users RIP)

[[MORE]]

Even IF, for whatever reason, against all logic & reasoning they decided to Greenlight a sixth season, 12 years after this series ENDED. I GUARANTEE fans would find SOMETHING to bitch about every single step of the way. Just look at Young Justice. Much shorter timeframe between s2 and s3 getting picked up and yknow what fans are still doing? Being the Same Old Fans that Fans who Fan will Be.

Misinformation gets spread around every so often too, and I just wanna be really fucking clear: No amount of Toy Sales success/failure had anything to do with the show. No amount of the Demographics they Targeted vs Ones they Hit, had anything to do with the cartoons perceived ‘failure’. Especially considering that, again, they got a movie+5th season that hadn’t originally been planned for. So from that, no amount of fan petitions or campaigns were going to ‘bring it back’ because WB & the crew, again, had moved on to other projects. Because the show, as a production, had reached a natural conclusion.

Now sure, let’s fast forward to 2011/2012? The DC Nation block gets dropped into a SatAM slot. Nostalgia hits Big as, alongside new eps of Green Lantern:TAS & Young Justice, they showcase a plethora of shorts! One of which, is the New Teen Titans, done in that ~*adorable*~ Super-D form but with more or less the same style as the first cartoon.

Fans lose their minds and there’s a resurgence of petitions and letter writing campaigns (ones that I will readily admit to participating in because I was 15 and we all do DUMB things when we’re 15) And through all of this. WB/DC answers our Monkey Paw wish.

But here’s the thing abt the monkeys paw: you’ll get what you wish for, but it’s gonna come with a Big Ass Catch

And that catch, while they gave us the same lineup and same voicecast, they also gave us a comedy-focused & fully super-d/simplified style. And “fans” were Outraged with that.

But here we are again, 7 years later. And there’s a whole generation of fans who have forgotten the mistakes of the past, thinking and hoping against any kind of logic & blinded by nostalgia, that maybe JUST MAYBE. WB will revive a cartoon that ended in Two Thousand and Fucking Seven.

I tutor kids now who weren’t even born by then! The only Titans they know are TTG! And when they tell me they LOVE them, I say “that’s AWESOME dude! Did you know that they’ve got comic books abt them too?”

I tell them about the new generation of TTG! comics, the ones based on the cartoon they grew up with, not the ones I did. I let them know that there’s even more kid & teen heroes beyond the titans. And if they have a certain fav I let them tell me everything they love abt them and I tell them a cool Fact that might encourage them to find out more later!

Some days I HATE TTG, but I will NEVER tell a child that I hate something they love. I saw too much of that when I was growing up and I’ll be damned before I turn around and do the same damn thing to these kids.

Cartoons are a WONDERFUL medium to introduce a new generation of fans to these characters. And we should be encouraging WB to take more chances on bringing more of them to life. Not asking for the same few characters or groups to be redone over and over again.

Give me a Birds of Prey limited series! Give me a Secret Six Adult Oriented action-comedy! Explore that Amethyst short, with all its 80s game tech+magical girl anime aesthetic! Explore more Obscure characters with a quick 5-10 min story! Put a fresh new spin on a golden/silver age storyline (bc lbrhh some of them got WILD)

Just for the love of fuck stop pretending that One cartoon was the absolute Peak of Achievement and is the only thing that deserves to be revived or redone to death. Teen Titans WILL get another cartoon eventually. It’s like Scooby Doo and Batman. Its like Sherlock Holmes or Star Trek. It’s just a little early in its journey but it WILL have another reboot, another reimagining, another chance to shine for an entirely new generation. Everyone will have their preferences.

Just sit down, have a juice box and popcorn and enjoy ur fan servicey nonsense movie that you asked for But Didn’t Ask For, until we get that brand new series again.

TTG is gonna have to end eventually. And when it does, WB will be rubbing their hands together just biding its time until they can reboot the Titans again.

[resbangmod]

The Resbang Art Tools Masterpost!

YEETHAW resbangers, hope you’re enjoying Resbang 2018 so far! This post is specifically for our talented artists, but we have a similar one for authors right here.

Welcome to the Resbang Artist Resource Masterpost! 

This is a collection of handy advice, tools, and tutorials to help you create amazing fanworks in your partnerships.

Your health is just as important to take care of as our writers’, so first things first: Treat yoself.

CARPAL TUNNEL STRETCHES

stretches you can try at home to help desk monkey fatigue

Help your hip flexors – that’s the front of your hips, yo

did you know chewing helps your brain do the thing?

get comfy, don't forget to feed yourself, and remove pants (optional)

Set the mood with some music, should you so desire.

8TRACKS

transformative -indie, alternative, shoegaze, soundtrack 27 minutes

i'm not your killer - vidya game musics, ambient, medieval, 1.5 hrs

sounds like childhood - Up, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, 35 min

don't stop - WERE YOU GONNA PUT THAT PEN DOWN? YOU BETTER STOP THAT RIGHT NOW

delicate fantasies - folk, acoustic, chill, 1 hr

RAISE HELL - write stuff and feel awesome while doing so. 1 hr 11 min.

This String Is Moving Your Bones  - 3hrs, ambient, alternative. that’s right I’m plugging myself

Exam Cram II - it's not exam time but it can be cram time  11hr 32min

Songs I Love that Don't Have Words - like it says  52min

Femme Finesse - relaxing female vocalists  4hr 22min

Audible Adderall XXXR - pumped up and productive  3hr 1min

Writing - fairly self-explanatory  55min

Thou Shalt Hit The Books - no idea how long it runs, so i guess you’ll just have to work until it finishes

YOUTUBE

long vid: Classical Music for reading

long vid: Late Night Vibes

long vid: Studio Ghibli relaxing piano collection

long vid: Space walks ~ lofi hip hop mix for studying

long vid: Fantasy music for inspiration/studying

playlist: Ambient Study Music

playlist: Chilled Cow chillhop/jazzhop/lofi hiphop collection

playlist: Skyrim OST

stream: Calm Piano Music

stream: Chillhop lofi hiphop studying stream

Would you rather have some nice noise generators instead? Take these.

mynoise.net - customize a billion different noises to your liking

get it free on iOS

get it free on Android

White Noise Lite - a free app for iphones

Relaxio - free app for Android

Rainymood

A soft murmur

Coffitivity - live the coffee shop AU you’ve always dreamed

Okay, enough of the reruns, how about some art-focused links.

Get warmed up with some practice:

Quick Poses - free, timed sessions for gesture drawing practice

Mechanical drawing exercises - flex your built-in pen stabilizer lying dormant in your meat container

Art Warm Up & Exercises - by sinix

Reference material:

Sketchfab - 3d models you can move around and view from any angle!

Basics of using references

Skin color swatches - with a downloadable!

Heads at angle/perspective - what are chins, anyway

More heads!

Models of color - blogs that are exclusively PoC

Morguefile - a whole lot of legit stock photos that aren’t painfully goofy or watermarked

Human action/pose stock photos - dA is a goldmine y’all

An Ear - a whole one, even

The color zones of the face - and also the body

Semi-realistic eye tutorial

Simple eye tutorial

Lips!

Mouths from an angle

Lighting angles - for the body

Single source lighting

Period clothing - from medieval to modern

Even more period clothing - all on individual boards on pinterest

Sketching hack for two point perspective - this is just witchcraft tbh

Anatomical guide to BOOTS

Coil foreshortening technique - by Sycra

Foreshortening with unfamiliar angles - by lovelifedrawing

How to (properly) source an image - coz we want you to source your images you use in things like aesthetic/mood boards.

Watercolor tips

Quick and dirty guide to making comics

Digital art resources/tutorials:

a bunch of art cheats - a small collection of useful skills in digital painting

understanding your lineart - and how to separate lines on a scan to its own layer

forest interior tutorial - by dpaint

another forest/lighting tutorial - by ninjaticsart

some SAI brushes - with some explanations

The Ribbon Technique - for rendering hair

Digitalbrushes.tumblr - just. a ton.

Painting like a sculptor - sinix design

Anatomy quick tips video playlist - sinix design

Programs/Tools

DesignDoll - posable 3d models for reference. (beware, free version does not allow you to save your pose, so take lots of screenshots! full version is 80 cash dolla) 

Three awesome tools - as listed below

PureRef - an easy way to view and sort your references without bogging down your art program

Work Timer - tell it which programs you work in, and it times how long you are in that program (also silently judges you when you’re not). Great for commissions!

Carapace - add an image, create vanishing points, profit (this link works; the one in the tumblr post does not)

Deskpins - pin a reference photo on top of any program

Holy Free Art Programs, Batman - coz adobe don’t give a damn about our budget

Krita - free, photoshop-esque

Mischief - free version has no layers, but has an infinite vector canvas. paid version is full and a modest 25 dolla

A ton of videogame (2d/3d/animation) software resources

GifCam - a painless way to make animated gifs via screen capture

CamScanner - don’t have a scanner for your traditional work? use ur phone!

find it on android and ios

Crafts/Cosplay:

chain headpiece DIY - youtube

wire wrapping for beads and findings

foam and worbla tutorial - by amenokitaro

Tattoo Tights/Stockings DIY - by crissey8

How to dye fabric - by mangosirene

PosteRazor - scale images/reference to size by dividing into printer-paper-sized sections

Cosplay Library - ohicosplay

Basic hand stitching - by ladycels

Sewing basics for beginners - by kamuicosplay

Detangle and revive wigs - by iwasaka miyuki

Free Music/Composition/Sound editing programs:

GarageBand - digital audio workstation - mac

Tracktion - digital audio workstation - mac/windows/linux

AmpliTube Custom Shop - virtual guitar rig. mac/windows

SyndtSphere - slick, minimalist synthesizer - mac/windows

Audacity - the classic multi-track editor and recorder. mac/windows/linux

Reference/Inspiration blogs/channels:

artutorials.tumblr - art tutorials

anatomicalart.tumblr - focused on anatomy

digitalbrushes.tumblr - custom brush presets

youtube/Sycra - art tutorials

youcancosplay21.tumblr - cosplay tutorials

cosplayblog2.tumblr - more cosplay tutorials

cosplayfortheplussize.tumblr - tutorials and resources for plus-sized fam

theartofanimation.tumblr - art inspiration

youtube/wlop - timelapses of digital painting

simonist.tumblr - wide collection of various art techniques

youtube/sinix - useful illustration tutorials and speedpaints

Need some motivation or community support?

Grigori Wings/Resbang discord - come chat with us!

find a beta here (2018)

request a beta here (2018)

Remember, Resbang isn't a competition. Just remember we are all here with you! We’re all working together to kick this challenge in the butt. We love you guys!

Have more recommendations for artists? Add them to this post! Share the wealth of knowledge <3 Be gay do crimes!

Questions about Resbang? Have some links!

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[thewyloren]

Day One - Scream *SPOILERS ABOUND - YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!*

Scream (1996 - Rated R) Directed by Wes Craven.  Starring Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, Courteney Cox, and Drew Barrymore.

“What’s your favorite scary movie?”

What was once an innocent question is now an iconic line from 1996′s slasher classic, Scream.  While director Wes Craven is known best for A Nightmare on Elm Street where he was also a writer, Craven did not pen Scream.  The story comes from the mind of Kevin Williamson who went on to work on I Know What You Did Last Summer, and The Faculty; also horror films involving teens, so let’s say he’d found his niche.  It’s not too surprising to learn Williamson also created the hit teen series Dawson’s Creek.

If you’ve never seen Scream before, the killer is disguised in a halloween costume which is coined later as “Ghost Face Killer.”  He terrorizes high schoolers of Woodsboro, mainly Sidney Prescott, daughter of a woman brutally murdered a year earlier.  But her killer was put behind bars, so it couldn’t possibly be the same guy.  Right?

Scream grabs you within the first five minutes.  Poor innocent Casey Becker, played by Drew Barrymore, is home alone, about to start a movie and chill, when a phone call disguised as a wrong number turns into a game of cat and mouse, leaving her gutted, hanging from a tree for her parents to find.  One must always remember the killer from Friday the 13th is, in fact, not Jason Voorhees, but his mother.  Better luck next time, Casey.

Killed within ten minutes of the movie, one has to wonder why on earth a star like Barrymore would agree to play that part.  According to Barrymore herself, she wanted that role.  While she was sought out to play the lead role of Sidney Prescott, once reading the script, she asked for the role of Casey.  Writer Williamson originally wanted actress Alicia Silverstone (Clueless) for the role of Casey.  As if!  Barrymore nailed it, solidifying herself as an official Scream Queen with her memorable and iconic scene.

While audiences are recovering from Casey’s shocking death, we’re introduced to the main protagonist, Sidney Prescott, played by fresh faced Neve Cambell, star of The Craft and drama series Party of Five.  Portrayed immediately as young and naive, we see her being pressured to be more sexual by her boyfriend Billy Loomis, played by cutie Skeet Ulrich, donning his best Johnny Depp look.  Depp stars in Nightmare on Elm Street, so maybe Craven figured that “look” was part of some kind of horror film formula for success.  Who knows?

We learn Sidney and Billy have been dating for two years.  My first thought?  Two years and this guy is still whining about her being a virgin?  Dumpppp himmmmm.  But apparently it wasn’t always like this.  The beginning of their relationship started out hot and heavy (but which relationship doesn’t, amirite?) then somewhere it falters... Sidney grows a bit cold as far as physical touch goes.  Ah hah.  That would be when her mom was brutally raped and murdered.  

The quaint (but rather rich... I mean, everyone’s living in these huge fancy farmhouses and none of these kids seem to have jobs, other than Randy, whom I’ll get back to soon) town of Woodsboro is shooketh.  They haven’t seen crime like this since Sid’s mom.  

With Sid’s dad out of town for work, Sid waits around for her best friend Tatum (Rose McGowen) to pick her up for a sleepover.  Sid gets a prank call and assumes its their friend Randy.  Told you I’d come back to him.  Randy works at a video store and makes many references to scary movies.  In fact, the movie itself is very meta.  Lots of name dropping and parallels to other horror classics.  “Randy” gets Sid to chat about scary movies where Sid confesses she hates them because they’re all the same.  “The big breasted actress that can’t act always runs upstairs instead of outside; it’s insulting” (I’m paraphrasing) which is comical because once she learns the voice on the phone is not Randy, and the person calling is actually in the house and attacks her, she can’t get out the front door, forcing her to run upstairs.

Hiding herself in her bedroom, Billy pops into the window and a cell phone falls out of his pocket.  Dun dun dun!  All signs point to Billy!  There’s no way it can’t not be Billy!  But we are so conditioned by Scooby Doo as kids.  It’s never who we think it is.  There’s always a red herring.  There’s always a twist.  So while we believe they want us to think it’s Billy, we’re smarter than that.  We know it can’t really be him.  Because where’s the fun in that?  Giving away the killer so soon?  Nah bruh.  We’ll wait for the big epic “ah HA, I knew it wasn’t Billy” moment.

After a pit stop at the police station where both Sid and Billy are questioned, Sid stays over at Tatum’s house where the killer phones yet again, accusing Sid of “fingering the wrong guy again.”  Whoa, whaaat?  The wrong guy?  AGAIN?

It’s not long after we learn that Sidney testified against her mother’s killer, Cotton Weary, putting him away for good.  Tabloid journalist (think today’s TMZ) Gale Weathers played by Courteney Cox in a horrid neon green dress suit believes in Cotton’s innocence.  She made bank writing a book about the tragic event surrounding Sid’s mom and Sid ain’t too happy about it.  

Running into Billy at school, Sid and Billy chit chat about how the anniversary of the death of her mother is coming up and Billy thinks Sid should just “get over it” already.  Because he got over his father leaving a year ago.  Because that’s totally the same thing.

Boyfriend of the year right there.  What a sociopath.  Here’s where we get back on board thinking “Yeah maybe it’s Billy... who else could it be?”

The town of Woodsboro is put on a curfew until the police can get to the bottom of things.  But kids will be kids and kids will have parties when parents are away and why are the parents always away?  Randy and Stu (Stu would be Tatum’s goofy boyfriend played by over-the-top Matthew Lillard, and Stu just happens to be Billy’s ride or die) chat about Billy.  Randy thinks Billy’s the killer.  Stu laughs, but defends his buddy.  The signs are starting to point more towards Sid’s dad.  The police haven’t been able to get ahold of him.  And when they checked the phone records for the calls made to Sid, they weren’t coming from Billy’s phone, but rather Sid’s dad’s phone.  Uh oh.  Could it be with the anniversary of mom’s death, dad is finally losing it?  

At Stu’s house, teens are drinking beer and watching scary movies, provided by Randy.  The killer’s there and Tatum meets her end, getting stuck in a doggy door and her neck snapping.  Billy shows up to the house after this happens, again, making us believe he’s the killer.  No one cares about Tatum’s whereabouts I guess, and Sidney slips away with Billy, upstairs.  Two high schoolers headed upstairs into a bedroom, what could possibly happen next?  Downstairs, Randy lists off rules for surviving a horror film.

Number one, never have sex. Number two, never drink or do drugs. Number three, never say “I’ll be right back.”

Remember those rules and you too will be around for the sequel.

This film is full of clever bits.  While everyone is watching Halloween, Randy announces “obligatory tit shot” and just as the actress in Halloween bares her breasts, the shot then turns to Sidney taking off her bra but she gets blocked from view by Billy.  Hah!

Yada yada yada, Sid and Billy break rule number one and Billy is next to be killed.  This is when we believe we were right all along.  It wasn’t Billy after all.  The tricky movie makers tricked us but we secretly knew it wasn’t really him.  Sid escapes out the window after being chased around a bit.  The killer goes downstairs where Randy is now all alone on the couch watching Halloween.  Randy is played by Jamie Kennedy and if you remember, Jamie Lee Curtis is the lead in Halloween.  So Randy’s on the couch shouting “Jamie look behind you” as the killer sneaks up behind him.  Thankfully, Randy is saved by Sidney screaming for help outside and the killer leaves him, for now.

More death happens, yada yada, it gets bloody.  Sid ends up back in the house and Randy and Stu fight over who the killer is.  Stu blames Randy and Randy blames Stu.  We’ve seen Randy and the killer in the same room, but we’ve never seen Stu and the killer in the same room.... hmm.  Something to think about.  But not something Sid has time for, so she closes the door on both of them.  Billy comes stumbling down from upstairs, covered in blood.  Now that Sid is positive Billy isn’t the killer, she’s comfortable with him taking the gun from her, to be the protector now, even if he is half dead.

Billy lets Randy in and ends up shooting him.  Whaaat?  Sidney tries to escape, confused as hell, obviously, and bumps into Stu who came in through the kitchen.  Stu pulls out a voice changer and speaks exactly like the killer and everyone is shocked to discover it was THE TWO OF THEM THIS WHOLE TIME!  They admit to framing Cotton, who’d been having an affair with Sid’s mom.  Apparently Sid’s mom had multiple affairs and was the reason Billy’s dad left.  Dun dun dun.

Stu pulls Sid’s dad out of another room, bound and gagged.  He and Billy plan to stab each other, kill Sid, then shoot Sid’s dad, making it look like Sid’s dad went on a killing spree, and then offed himself.  Billy and Stu would be the only survivors.  How convenient!  

But things don’t work out how they hoped.  Billy ends up getting shot.  Then Randy, who isn’t dead, says “This is when the killer comes back for one final scare” and Billy comes back for one final scare before Sidney puts a bullet in his head.

The way the movie is shot, the clever way it pays homage to other horror classics, makes it so lovable.  It’s really revived the horror genre, or at least the slasher portion.  Many sequels have since been filmed, as well as a television series, and comical spoofs.  It’s definitely a film that I would call a masterpiece of story telling and directing.  Definitely add this one to your Halloween and Chill list for October.  It’s available to rent on Amazon.  Also check with your cable provider, as it was free on demand for me.

RATING: 🎃🎃🎃🎃 4 out of 5 pumpkins

[grandnincompoop]

Fire Emblem, Design Philosophy, and My Quarrels

Let's harken back to 2001 and the release of Super Smash Brothers Melee. I had an N64 and a Gameboy, so I was familiar with most of the characters. You had Mario and Fox and Samus- I had either played their game or learned about them from the original Super Smash Brothers. I didn't really know you could just go on the internet and look up how to unlock all of the characters when the game came out, and even when I did, we would just look up how to get Mew in the original Pokemon. Nor did I have a Nintendo Power subscription. I had one issue- 2003's Issue 173, probably because it had Star Wars on the cover. So in the daunting quest of trying to discover how to unlock every character, you meet Marth and Roy. As with most of the non-Japanese world, I was left wondering who these two sword guys were. I was 9, so obviously I wasn't in the market for importing untranslated Famicon games. My curiosity wasn't satiated until 2003 with the release of Fire Emblem on the Game Boy Advanced, but I was immediately infatuated.

The Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade is a highly linear game. This was an age long before sprawling open worlds were commonplace in every RPG or shooter. You merely progressed from quest to quest, accumulating an ever growing roaster with each mission. Except for the three missions that include Arenas, there's no way to deviate from the progression of game's 37 chapters. The experience points you can gain are limited, and honestly the game is stronger for that. As much fun as I had grinding Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced, such as the time I trapped a high level Malboro with a cycle of sleep/attack/heal, it diminished from the thrill I experienced with Fire Emblem with its terrifying combat where every critical hit mattered. Simplicity and transparency are core to the experience. Almost like a board game, the game takes a narrow concept- in this case rock-paper-scissors, the adds some elaboration to it to make it flow into a fantasy world of mages and magical creatures. There are stats like strength and defense, and you have health and there's a grid you move on and there's a percentile to hit, all of which are visible to the player. That's about it and the game was better for it.

 The core elements could easily be fitted to a pen and paper experience which is what brought me to believe that the game had a Bottom Up development. I was introduced to this term by Mark Rosewater, the head designer of Magic: the Gathering, who describes it, along with its developmental opposite (Top Down), as "Top Down is subject matter based. I want to capture the subject matter. Bottom Up is mechanical based. There's a tool I want to make use of. How can I best make use of that tool." Not to insult the subject matter of Fire Emblem, but it, like its combat system, isn't complicated. They're collections of sometimes loosely related stories of a prince having to fight some evil in a world with dragons, drakes, wizards, EVIL wizards, undead/possessed/ etc etc. You could play them for their narrative, but most people I know and have read play it for the combat and support system (hold on, I'll get back to that in a moment). Looking at interviews with  Shouzou Kaga, the original creator of the series, his initial intent was to create a "roleplaying simulation", which he describes as

 "A strategy game. But strategy games typically are kind of “hardcore” and dry. (laughs) You only care about winning or losing the battle, and there’s no space for the player to empathize with the characters or story.

I love strategy games like that too, but I also love RPGs. By adding RPG elements, I wanted to create a game where the player could get more emotionally invested in what’s happening. Conversely, one of the drawbacks of RPGs is that there’s always just a single protagonist. Thus, to a certain extent, you can only experience the linear story that the game creator has prepared for you.

I wanted to create a game where the story and game will develop differently for each player depending on the units they use. Thus I added the strategy elements and arrived at this hybrid system."

 This idea doesn't seem to fit exactly into either of MaRo's definitions. Concept isn't exactly subject matter, usually a story or pre-established setting, nor is it strictly mechanical based, although it's definitely closer to that. If we looked at a chart from a 2007 article on Gamasutra titled "Game Design Cognition: The Bottom-Up and Top-Down Approaches:

 We see that beginning at a concept is part of the Top-Down process. So I guess my research proved I was wrong with my assertion when taking a developmental process from a relatively simple process, making a card with rules, and applying it to a highly complicated one, creating a video game.

 The concept is a fascinating one, however, playing with ideas that a modern genre, the grand strategy game, has to tackle with mindboggling amount of complexity. Since the plot is designed to introduce you to the menagerie of personalities they've designed, the writings is. . . charming, but not patricianly nuanced. By no means is the game the pinnacle of writing in interactive narratives. The characters personalities attached to a colorful aesthetic, almost comparable to what Blizzard's Overwatch did in making such a wide spectrum of characters that at least one should be appealing to even the most surly of fans. You'll have a female caviler who is a tom boy or a timed knight who, despite his bulking armor, commonly goes unnoticed. They're archetypes, not fully realized characters like you'll find in more traditionally RPGs with tomes of backstory and goals.  Overwatch and Fire Emblem develop their characters in the same manner- mid-combat dialog. Fire Emblem's greatest development (and what makes it stand out among the other strategy role playing games) is the Support System. Sure, it's fluff, but it evokes the feeling that there was a world before you arrived. Fire Emblems Awakenings main character, Chrom, will reminisce the past with his sister, another solider in your army. Except she can permanently die, unlike the Valhalla fantasy that is Overwatch where they we return to their friends to the next bout. Kaga always intended for your unit's looming mortality to cause shifts in how you view the narrative. "I wanted to make a strategy game that was more dramatic, something where you would really be able to feel the pain and struggle of the characters. That’s why characters can’t be revived once they’re killed, to impart a sense of gravity and seriousness. In turn, I think the result is that the more love you have for your characters, the more rewarding the game is." X-Com, a highly popular western SRPG for MS-DOS that came out four years later, attempted this with randomly generated names, nationalities, and looks for its characters. But unless you're willing to really lose yourself in the game and make your own narrative for the characters, their deaths will only have an impact in the loss of your highest level sniper, not the archer who was currently flirting with your barbarian. The game could create emersion through its characters and their deaths, but instead it becomes what I believe is the bane of  the series. There's a universe where each battle is like a chess match, where you must maliciously strategize your moves so take the least amount of causalities and each critical hit will either make or ruin your day. But we don’t live in that universe. Instead we're plagued with problems twofold: the prevalence of a dominate strategy and the existence of the reset button.  

 "A dominant strategy, in the context of game design, is something that emerges due to game imbalance. A clear example of dominant strategy would be "blocking the opponent from getting three in a row", in Tic-Tac-Toe."

 Fire Emblem is amazingly easy to get into and play, although maybe not to master. Unless you count the tactic I commonly refer to as the "death blob". It's like creating a delicious candy with a hard exterior and gooey center. Looking at another game for a second, Final Fantasy Tactics, you'll send your warriors and knights forward to pick off the prime targets while your mages and archers mop up. (Of course, there's another strategy where you carefully positioning yourself defensively into one corner, but they have means of combating this by starting you on the low ground to make you fight your way to high ground.) You can afford to have one or two units fall in combat because it'll only be moments before the healer arrives to mend any major injuries. It allows for the type of aggressive playstyle the computer utilizes against you, creating "drama". Fire Emblem is the antithesis. Dave Riley of the Fast Karate for the Gentlemen podcast and occasional game reviewer for Anime News Network says about action, "Most of the game is a creeping, careful crawl that moves the entire army in an ironclad block three spaces at a time. Movements are so fraught, and battles so carefully measured, that when the tide turns in your favor it's hard know what to do with the power." Usually your objective is to rid the map of foes that don't tend to move until you've moved past a certain threshold within their vacinity. As such, you'll surround your weaker characters, the mages, archers, the ones you're just now getting to leveling up, with those that have heavier armor or are higher in level. Then you move slowly across the map. And I mean agonizingly slow. Unless there is some sort of pressure on you, like a timed mission or some character you can interact with before the enemy overtakes them, it's three squares at the time for you. They've tried to counter this in some ways by having enemy units spawn behind you if you're taking too long, but that just leads to the second problem. Allowing the units to pair up to increase stats in Awakening was a good solution, but it showed to be highly overpowered when combined with the stats gained from the support system.

The second problem has coexisted with the game since inception. Instead of having gameplay be a carefully planned chess match (similar to the newly released Into the Breach which rewards sticking with failed "timelines" and even has a continent function to undo one turn per mission), we play the game like a speedrunner, resetting innumerous times in leu of missed attacks and unfortunate critical hits until we have such an intense knowledge of the map that we could perform it to lull us to bed. By adding Casual Mode in later games they've done some work to rectify this, and while the game might be more fun to play without having to turn off the console for the nth time, we loses Kaga's initial intent. In a joint interview with Hironobu Sakaguchi, he admits to Kaga that "when I die, I always reset". Even the creator of Final Fantasy has become victim to this pitfall! Kaga notes that "it’s not a big problem if some of your characters die in Fire Emblem; I want each player to create their own unique story. Don’t get caught up trying to get a “perfect ending.” Have fun!" But we just can’t because we have to see how the almost insignificant side dialog between the dark mage and pegasus knight will turn out. Will they become friends? We'll never know if we don't reset because an unexpected arrow saw an end to the purpled haired rider.

 The problem has exasperated even further with adding generations to the games. Awakening saw those cute support conversations to their apex by having them result in children, but not just any children- super soldiers of your own siring. Instead of being something cute you do on the side, a treat if you will, they added mechanics to the system. Depending on the abilities known by the parents and the hidden stat progressions (a thorn in the side of the wonderful transparency of the game), the child might be an unkillable machine of death that gets to move twice after reaping another soul all while regaining any  lost health. Fire Emblem has always had Uber characters. There's always the gallant knight, advisor to the lordling at the beginning of your adventure! (who is there solely to suck all the experience that should be going to anyone else) Then there's the  sweet young lad who starts as the weakest possible unit, needing to be babied for dozens of hours until they've shown their true colors as the harbinger of all lives, capable of taking down armies alone. But the child rearing aspect of the later games really irks me. It makes the game feel like it's become an anime character breeding simulator, where instead of letting love naturally develop on the battlefield as it has, you have to comb through wikias to see what the best combination for a certain child is. For a game that has forgone the grinding experience, it surely got lost in not remembering what made it so great to begin with in its transparency.

 There are aspects of Fire Emblem that reflect actual war. Every character is such: an individual with hopes, dreams, and interests. Taking a little time to get to know them leaves you with a sense of loss when they're lost in a pillar of flame from some nameless enemy mage. These games could be so much more with a little more finesse. The series has gone on for decades now, and this has caused the games to roll up increasing more systems until it has reached the point now that it is hard to see the game for what it once was. The concessions you have to make are never "there's no way I can do this without sacrificing someone for the noble cause" like the newly released Battletech RPG throws at you; the concessions are "time to waste a little more time and reset the game again." I believe the game I want to make can come- they just have to do a little more resetting.

[nageki-yuki-blog]

TsukiPara Drama - Chapter 12 Translation

[This is the final chapter (so far) from the Tsukiuta main dramas. It’s about Six Gravity and Procellarum during the joint live.  Enjoy under the cut~]

12章 – Chapter 12

ツキパラLIVEフェスティバル！

Tsukipara Live Festival!

1話 – Part 1

恋くんからの愛のメッセージだ！

I am sending a message of love from Koi-kun!

Kakeru:  Wo-w!

 Koi:  W-Water……!

 Aoi:  Here, Koi. Here’s some water.

 Koi:  Thank you very much…… phew!  That’s the best!

 Arata:  This surely is the water of life…...

 Kakeru:  After continuously singing and dancing and working up a sweat, it really permeates into my body~!

 Hajime:  You guys, I understand how you feel but…… Don’t drink too much, because you’ll get bloated.

 Koi & Arata:  Oka-y!

 Haru:  But make sure you rest properly okay?  …...Procellarum is on stage right now but as soon as their turn is over, we have the last song still waiting for us.

 Aoi:  …...It seems like all the fans, are really enjoying today’s live so I’m glad.

 Hajime:  Yeah, you’re right.  In the first place, the people who were looking forward to today’s live, are not just the fans.

 Hajime:  We’re the same…… The guys in Procella are probably the same too.

 Arata:  Oh that’s awesome.  Today, You-kun was is really high spirits.  His dancing was really sharp.

 Aoi:  Yeah. Even though we are nearing the end of the program, he hasn’t lost any of his stability…… That’s awesome.

 Koi:  Geh-! Crap!  It’s frustrating but he’s cool!  …… But it’s still frustrating so…… take this!

 Kakeru:  …… What are you doing?  Koi.

 Koi:  Hehehe…… I am sending a message of love from Koi-kun, to You-kun who is working hard on stage!

 Kakeru:  Oh, that looks like fun!  …...I’ll do it too!

 Arata:  That’s good. I’ll do it too……this, and this…...

 Aoi:  Ahaha. Should I write something too?

 Hajime:  …… Even though we’re in the middle of the live, what have you guys started…...

 Haru:  Hahaha. I guess it’s fine.  To be able to preserve one’s mind, is important for us too isn’t it?

 Haru:  …… Alright. I’ll try writing something too. …… Hajime, you should write something with me too.  Here’s a pen.

 Hajime:  Let me see…...

 Koi:  …… Okay, I’m done!  Let’s surprise them with this!

 Hajime:  That’s great and all but…….  It’s almost our turn.

 Arata:  It is…… Procella’s song is almost about to end.

 Hajime:  Next up is the last song before the encore…… Make sure you guys get pumped up okay?

 Koi:  Okay!

 Kakeru:  Leave it to us!

 Aoi:  Oh! The song is over and Procella is coming back!

 Haru:  Alright, then everyone.  Get ready to go out there.

 Arata:  Yes!

 (To be Continued)

2話 – Part 2

は～、LIVEって最高！

Ah~, lives are the best!

Hajime:  Good job, Shun.

 Shun:  Thanks for coming to greet me, Hajime.

 Shun:  No matter how many times I experience this type of uplifting feeling from lives, it still feels amazing.  Hajime and the others, you should also get intoxicated to your heart’s content with the fan’s love.

 Hajime:  Yeah!

 Kakeru:  We’re going!

 Iku:  Okay! Everyone in Gravi, do your best!

 Kai:  Woah, that’s some crazy cheering.  The fans are also very energetic~.  Even though they’ve been standing on their feet this whole time, they’re great!

 Shun:  To be carried away by the passion, to go mad with love…… I wonder if that’s what a live is? …… Let’s make them go even more crazy.

 Kai:  …… But Shun, even though you sang and danced that much, it hasn’t affected you a bit.

 Kai:  For Rui, he’s like a living corpse.  Take a look.

 Rui:  Hah…… hah…...

 Iku:  Are you okay? Rui…… Here’s some water.

 Rui:  Th-Thank you…… Ikkun.

 Yoru:  Here’s some for You too…… Here you go.

 You:  Oh, thank you~.  Ah, the floor is so cold it feels good-.

 Yoru:  Hey hey, your clothes will get dirty.

 Yoru:  You’re probably exhausted because you unexpectedly added 3 more back flips to the last part you know?  You reap what you sow.

 You:  But that really got the crowd excited didn’t it?

 Yoru:  Hehehe. I guess so.

 You:  Then it’s fine-.  We make the fans feel good, and the fans make us feel good…...

 You:  …… And also, it’s* a symbol of how we were able to share the same time at the same place~. Ah~, lives are the best!

[*he’s referring to being tired as the symbol]

 Rui:  …… I understand You’s feelings.  Preparing for lives is difficult, and they are very tiring but…… getting tired makes me happy.

 Rui:  In exchange for the music we create, we receive a ton of power from the audience, and it warms my heart.

 Kai:  Ah~, I know that feeling.  It’s like receiving energy from the fans!

 Iku:  Yeah! The closer it gets to the second half of the live, the more I think to myself, I’ve got to do my best!

 You:  Even still, I may have gotten too excited at the end~.  Ah~ I’m tired.

 Shun:  You, shall I use a resurrection spell for certain death*? …… Hehehe.

[*I think he’s referring to something like the spells used in video games when a character runs out of hp and dies, but technically isn’t dead because they can be revived. He is saying that You is in this type of condition.]

 You:  I don’t need that.  Even though you said it’s for “resurrection”, what the heck do you mean by “certain death”. Nothing will cause me to certainly die. As long as I have water I’m fine.

 Yoru:  Huh? You, That plastic bottle….. There’s something written on it?

 (To be Continued)

3話 – Part 3

始から、僕への愛のメッセージだ！

It’s a message of love from Hajime, to me!

You:  …...Hmm? You’re right.  Let’s see what we have here?

 You:  “That dance you just did, was too cool!  Handsome men should just explode!”  “Handsome men should go bald”  …...Whaat!?

 Yoru:  Ahaha! This handwriting, looks like Koi and Arata.

 You:  I certainly am handsome but, I’m not going to explode, and there’s no way I’m going bald. It would probably be really troublesome if an idol went bald.

 Yoru:  There’s something written on my bottle too…...

 Yoru:  …… “Good job today.  After this live is over…… Let’s think of the dishes for the closing party menu together”.

 Yoru:  …… This is from Aoi.  Hehehe. Since I’m now thinking about what to make, it has calmed me down.

 Shun:  …… Aoi most likely left that message in order to help you relax when you are nervous before the encore.

 Shun:  Hehehe, that’s typical of the prince, with his heartfelt concern.

 Kai:  Well…… The questionable writing about death interests me more though.

 Iku:  Oh! There’s also stuff written on our bottles!

 Iku:  “The turn you did during the solo dance, was really cool!”

 Iku:  Ahaha! I guess this is Kakeru?  So he was really watching my dance.

 Rui:  …… “Rui’s voice, was extremely good.  Keep up the good work until the end”.

 Rui:  …… This, must be Haru…… I’m happy.

 Kai:  Oh! Mine looks like Haru’s too?  Let’s see?

 Kai:  “Until the live is over, do your best and don’t lose your focus” huh.  Okay okay, understood.

 Kai:  Hmm? …… Shun, your bottle also has something written on it too?

 Shun:  …… Th-This is!!

 Iku:  Shu-Shun-san!?

 Yoru:  Are you okay!?

 Shun:  Aaaah…… This is without a doubt!  It’s a message of love from Hajime, to me!  Aah! The throbbing in my chest won’t calm down!

 You:  Why are you more out of breath now than you were during the live…...

 Kai:  …… So, what kind of message did Hajime leave?…..Let’s see here?

 (To be Continued)

4話 – Part 4

夜が心配してるのはお前の頭だっつーの

What Yoru’s worried about is your head.

Kai:  …… “At 1 pm tomorrow there is a meeting for the leaders at the office.  Don’t be late” … What?  This is…...

 You:  This is totally just a business message!

 Shun:  Hehehe…… Do you guys not understand Hajime’s refined love, which is hidden in this message?

 Shun:  By writing about the future, he is also nonchalantly praying for today’s safety, and saying let’s keep on doing this together…...

 Shun:  …… This is a message that is equivalent to saying that he has already vowed his eternal love!  Ah!  My beloved Hajime!  Thank you!

 Iku:  No…… I don’t think that’s what he meant…… Hahaha.

 Rui:  Shun is very positive.

 Shun:  Ehehehehe…… Let’s preserve this plastic bottle as a commemoration of the two of us.  I want to remember these feelings for eternity.

 Yoru:  Ummm…… I think that in terms of being hygienic, it wouldn’t be very good to keep food or drinks for that long though…...

 Shun:  It’ll be fine, Yoru!  Because I have a freezer from the underworld!

 Shun:  Disregard the laws of physics!  There is nothing that stands in the way between me and Hajime!

 You:  What Yoru’s worried about, is your head.

 Kai:  Hahaha! Shun’s head is always like this! Don’t worry about it.

 Iku:  It’s Kai-san’s special move • he has made a rough conclusion*!

[*meaning that he wrapped up the conversation without giving a proper explanation]

 Kai:  Leaving that aside…… Gravi’s turn is going to end any time soon.

 Kai:  After that will be the real last song, the encore, which is the only one left.  …… Make sure you all have properly had enough water okay?

 Rui:  Understood.

 Iku:  Let’s get pumped up for the final!

 Yoru:  …...Oh! They have returned.

 Kakeru:  Hah…… hah!

 Koi:  Alright! For the time being let’s take a break!

 Yoru:  Good job. Everyone.

 Shun:  Hajime--! Good job!  I have certainly received your love!!  

 Hajime:  …… Has the heat from the live gone to Shun’s brain?

 Kai:  I think it would be good if you just think of it that way.

 Aoi:  Hah…… As expected, I need to rest my throat for a bit.

 Rui:  …… Aoi, would you like to use my throat spray?

 Aoi:  Thank you. Rui.  I’ll use it then.

 You:  Hey! Koi!  Arata!  What the heck is this message!

 Koi:  I properly praised your dancing didn’t I?

 You:  Where did you do that!  You wrote “go bald” didn’t you!

 Arata:  Actually, that happened because we somehow got too caught up in it.

 You:  If getting caught up the moment causes you to tell someone to go bald, then that’s intolerable*!

[*I think the means try to hold back if you get that carried away]

 Haru:  Hahaha. Even during a live, the boys are so energetic.

 Kakeru:  Rather than energetic…...

 Iku:  It feels like everyone is acting how they usually do.

 Hajime:  You guys, it’s still too early to lose your focus.  It’s finally the last performance of the live after this, the encore…… look.

 (To be Continued)

5話 – Part 5

ファンのみんなと一緒に盛り上がろうね

Let’s get excited together with all our fans.

Hajime:  …… All of these many fans are waiting for our voices.  …… We have to respond to their desires with all our power.

 Shun:  Hehehe…… I have already been prepared.  We also need to make sure that we convey to all the fans, the sweet love that comes from performing with the black king.

 Kai:  To be accurate, Gravi and Procella will be performing you know?

 Iku:  I am already eager to go back on stage!

 You:  Me too! I need to satisfy the cute fans who have been forced to wait!

 Arata:  Heh……, I hate popular guys.

 Haru:  Hehehe…… Let’s rouse them up with our best singing and dancing, and present to them an extraordinary time okay?

 Koi:  The handsome cool guys have said something that sounds cool!

 Kakeru:  But Koi, you want to quickly see the fans too don’t you?

 Koi:  Of course! Kakerun feels the same way too right?

 Kakeru:  Yeah!

 Rui:  …… The encore, I’m excited.

 Yoru:  Yeah. Let’s get pumped up along with the fans.

 Hajime:  …… Alright, it’s almost time.

 Shun:  It’s Show Time*…… Hehehe.  Let’s begin.

[*said in English]

 Hajime:  Six Gravity.

 Shun:  Procellarum.

 Hajime:  For the very end, until the last second of the final performance.

 Shun:  With all our emotions, and with all our heart…...

 Hajime:  Let’s do this with all our energy!

 Shun:  Now then, everyone, let’s go!

 Everyone:  Yeah--!!

 ~END~

[I thought the part between Koi, Arata, and You was really funny in this chapter. XD  I also wish they had said how the game competition went but they never mentioned it again.]

[I also apologize for taking so long to translate this chapter, I just started working again and had a really important assignment I had to finish too. > <  I managed to finish my work today so I took a little extra time to get this chapter finished. ^^]

[Since only one person commented on that last post I made asking what I should translate next (LOL) I’m going to translate the Rabbits Kingdom drama CDs next and then move onto the Tsukipara event dramas (because they are more interesting than the main dramas) and then I’ll do the rest of the main dramas for the other groups after that~]

[williamlitt]

Moonshine

Today is Sunday. A peaceful mid-June afternoon, the sky is clear and there's a soft heat in the air. I've started my backpack Eurotrip a week ago. Last night was my third in Zagreb. But while getting up this morning, I got the feeling I was done here. So I just picked my bag and booked a ticket for the next train to the seaside.

Now I'm boarding on the wagon, and the seat assignment from my ticket is occupied. I had been going out quite often these last days, socializing a lot. So in this moment, I'm just feeling like isolating myself a bit. I see a free 1-seat spot in the corner. I sit there, anticipating a quiet and studious journey. It's the natural way to continue a quite introverted day. A few meters away, there's a sweetest spot though: some 2 & 2 facing seats, with a wide table in-between, perfect to write on my notebook more comfortably. Unfortunately, some random guy is already set-up there, and I happen not to be really in the mood for talking.

Okay, fine. Let's go anyway. At least I'll be enjoying the landscapes from a wider window.

Unavoidably, some conversation starts flowing with my new neighbor, a freshly graduated chilian backpacker. His name is Javier. Unexpectedly, we immediately get on very well. He had been traveling for a month already. We are quickly skipping the small-talk part, and his epic little stories end up reviving my empathy.

The train is almost ready to go. A large group of (probably) british guys have already filled up the other part of our wagon.

I haven't paid much attention to any newcomers until then. But when three (probably) foreign girls settle right next to us in the parallel row, I raise my head. Among them, one is really easy to notice. She has long and straight dark hair, blue eyes, a pale skin, a graceful silhouette.

Her appearance is rather pleasing to me, but there's something else. Perhaps the way she moves into space smoothly, her way of being present or something. She chooses the seat facing mine, but in the parallel row; so I have her on my right diagonal, not even 2 meters away.

It's not taking long for the train to depart and soon my conversation with Javier quiets down naturally ; so I pick my notebook while he grabs something to read.

The girls are chatting together, in some lenguage hard for me to identify. I'm apparently taking some notes, but these are kind of random. I cannot get a single word of what they are saying, but I love the sounds of it.

Then, I feel like trying to guess, so I clear my throat. « Hey; by any chance are you from the Baltic area? »

They look at me gently, and answer they are from Finland : Helsinki and Turku.

To fill the following silence, I go for the first genuine compliment popping up. « Finnish is a lenguage that is... » but I realize mid-sentence that using the word « beautiful » would be too generic and lazy, so I pause and look at her specifically - it then strikes me how stunning she is - I forget about the whole Finnish lenguage compliment thing - and just go like « ... special. »

My sentence altogether probably ends up sounding pretty weird, but well. What's there to answer? not much. We all get back quietly to our business.

Some minutes pass by. Then all of a sudden, she asks Javier and I if we have a pen to lend. He immediately answers « For sure! » but I'm quicker... I proudly offer her « a multicolor pen! », as if it was some seriously fancy item. She smiles.

I observe her writing down stuff on what seems to be a diary. She is charmingly expressive when writing, playful yet serious. Meanwhile, I'm also taking some notes. Kind of useful ones this time.

This lasts quite a while. And when she hands the pen back to me, I turn my head to find her eyes - they are captivating - clear blue but somehow dark - kind but untamed.

She says « thank you » kindly. I'm thinking « you're welcome » while looking at her, but no actual word comes out of my mouth (even though I have half-opened it). It's okay though, I feel she got what I meant.

The journey continues peacefully. Everyone is getting a bit sleepy. I lean my head on the window, watching the green landscapes go by. By now, she has moved out onto the two empty seats behind Javier, her back on my window. I can see her hair in the narrow space.

I'm thinking of the many hours left to spend on the train; of the many times I had pathetically watched my chance slip away; and of stuff being all so ephemere anyway, etc.

As logical conclusion, I go and rip off a piece of paper. The note I write on it is basic: I'm asking for her name while giving her mine. I fold it into a tiny paper plane. Then, I discretely throw it to her, above the seat in front of me.

While awaiting for a reaction, I start conditionning myself to appear all cool and casual about it, even though I'm experiencing a little rush of stress.

Several seconds later, her face appears from in-between the front backseats. She's looking straight at me. Her expression is a mix of shock, interrogation and amusement. It seems like she is mentally asking « are you serious?! »

The intense eye contact we have makes me forget about all my plans. I have the impression I am talking to someone I've known for a while already.

So just like that, this little game suddenly feels like the most obvious thing to do. I spontaneously smile, shrug and rise my eyebrows, mentally answering "why not?"

Then her face suddenly lights up; she agrees with a genuine smile.

It doesn't last long until I see her answer rolling down to my feet, on the same tiny paper.

Her name is Eva. And she's enquiring about what is up.

I tell her I'm going to the city of Split. She tells me they also are. I tell her about my backpacking plans. She'd been around before and gives me a few tips.

Now and then, to make sure new notes are well-received, we glance at each other discretely, in-between backseats and window.

The notes are progressively growing in length. By now, an official mailing channel has been established below the seat next to Javier. At some point, he notices something is off, and looks at me interrogatively. I say I'd explain later, then wink at him.

Little by little, we start to get to know each other. I learn she's fond of some old French photographer I had never heard of ; that she's been especially into Finnish music recently ; or that her grandma loves bossa nova.

Time and landscapes fly. Now there's only one hour left to roll. Soon our little game would be over and we would both go our way. She's still there but I'm already thinking about how to see her again.

We've already exchanged contact infos to keep in touch « in case we hear of any cool musical event happening in Split ». But I start doubting about whether that's enough or not. Without any further calculation, I draw two little squares to check on the next note. I'm openly wondering « what would be the coolest thing between: a) keeping the notes flowing; and b) just starting to chat casually ».

She answers drawing a third little checked square which says « or you're very welcome to come and sit next to me ».

Then I feel half-enchanted, half-tensed. Everyone around us is pretty quiet at the moment, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to tell her. On the notes, I had the time to think, to choose my words correctly; there it would be total freestyle.

But now it's to late for hesitations. So I stand up, move toward her, offer her my hand to shake, say out loud in a jokingly formal voice « nice to meet you », and just sit next to her.

She is close now. Her pupils are dilated. She smiles at me in such a manner that my brain stops operating correctly.

It's relevant to say something else now, right ? I don't know. I have to look away to regain cold control.

« So... what do you do... like... in life ? », I ask her finally. She says she's a singer and an actress back in Finland. Plenty of new interrogations pop up in my mind. How did she get into this ? What are her inspirations ? How is daily life like ?

She is answering each of my questions briefly, while always asking back about me right away. That's funny, I think. I had been so used to meet people who enjoyed it more listening to themselves.

I can feel her confidence. She speaks with a clear and expressive voice. And the more I look at her, the more I can't help but feeling a bit impressed. She probably meets up with lots of cooler-than-average guys everyday. I'm feeling like I need to stand out, somehow.

It's harder to connect with people when we're in our head. And that's where I'm getting back right now. I'm thinking about what would be the best story to tell next, how could I tell it so subtly I'd appear cool and humble at the same time. I want all my questions and answers to be unexpected. I can't stand any small-talk or generic statements anymore.

I don't manage to really look deep into her eyes, now. She would see right through me. The conversation keeps going, but I've become more focused on playing my part correctly than actually connecting with her. I'm hearing myself telling stories I've told before. I notice all the little mistakes in my speech. She smiles and sometimes laughs sincerely, but I'm slowly starting to dislike this egocentric character I'm into.

Our relation is now not as natural. Topics are dealt with fast. There are short silences. She kindly also does little efforts to keep it alive. Not all my answers are as deep or funny I wish they were. I fear to be boring. And as I feel there's no harmony anymore, my confidence is diminishing.

We have been talking for more than half an hour, but I've become slightly doubtful. What if I had been staying by here side for too long ? What if she'd also like to have a chat with her friends now ? I really hate being the clingy guy. We've already exchanged contact infos, that's time for me to go.

While I'm telling her I'll get back to my seat, I'm struggling to say a proper goodbye. It's kind of abrupt, there's no particular reason for me to suddenly leave her. And she may interpret it as if I haven't been enjoying her company ; this perspective makes me feel awkward. I'm trying hard to tell her in a cool way that we may « team up » tomorrow, for « some adventure » at « some beach ». But the way I'm saying it makes me realize she could interpret it as if I was feeling lonely and looking for friends. I've been loving my solo backpacking trip so far, and the idea of her thinking otherwise instantly kills the last bit of confidence I had left. And while I'm finishing the most confused sentence ever, she looks at me with so much kindness and comprehension that I foresee an unrepairable failure, and my goodbye ends up sounding as sad as a farewell.

Back at my spot, I sit down, motionless, defeated. Damn it, I usually never get that vulnerable, why did it have to be this way at this particular moment? Well, I had a little chance, I screwed up. Truth is I didn't expect she'd affect me that much ; this doesn't happen with the girls I'm used to meet. It's alright, I accept the lesson, and will learn from it.

A moment later, the train hits the final destination. We're all reaching for our bags and stuff. We agree to go for a little beer with Javier. And without really believing they'd be interested, I also politely suggest this idea to Eva. She says they'd first settle down at their flat, then keep me in touch if they feel like it. I'm kind of pessimistic.

To pack my things, I take my time. I don't want to be that stingy guy who coordinates to stick around. Out of the train, I see her glancing at me one last time. I can't help but smile with a mix of politeness and sadness. She answers doing the same.

It's 10 pm. The air is warm, humid. It smells like the sea. The city is a charming old port, the tiny houses there have beige stone walls and reddish tiles. There are little lights everywhere. Lots of people are hanging out at restaurants and bars. The atmosphere is festive.

We're walking down the street toward our hostels. Javier is laughout out loud when I reveal to him the whole train story. « So... are you gonna see her again ? », he asks. I don't think so.

Today is Tuesday. I had been texting with Eva since yesterday. She told me that tonight they'd probably be going out for some drinks on the beach. I was « welcome to join » them, and I could « bring some people along » if I wished to. For sure, I told her I was « in ».

I didn't have anyone to bring, though. Javier had gone away in the morning to some nearby islands, so I said I'd be coming alone.

Today was a hot, sunny day. I've been chilling at the beach all along, walking by the shores, swimming, sunbathing.

Right now, the evening is perfect. It's still warm, the sky is clear, the moon is really big.

She just kept me in touch : they have bought some wine and are about to leave their flat to the city. Although she warns me she'd have no internet there. I try to call her but it doesn't work. She says she may use her friend's phone to reach me later. Alright, let's do that.

The streets are filled with enthusiastic, often fancy-dressed people. All bars and restaurants are full, music is blasting everywhere. I've bought some beers at the shop and I'm looking for a nice panoramic spot by the sea.

Down at the harbour, there is a large and wide dock crowded with people sitting on stone blocks, drinking. These are mostly young people, many different lenguages are spoken and the mood is nice. That's where I'll hang out for now, I guess.

At the end of dock, I'm watching far away toward the horizon. The water is peaceful. I have my earphones on, playing loudly uplifting tracks.

Time goes by. I'm enjoying spending time alone, I feel I can do whatever I want to. I may think about all my favorite things while never being interrupted. I'm lightly grooving to my music, without caring that much about other people around.

It's getting late now, and still no news from the girls. It's okay though, I've got my mind made up. Doubtlessly, I had appeared socially unskilled in the train's last conversation. She probably felt that me joining up solo would be a risky addition in terms of group dynamic. Plus, her two friends certainly wanted to spend some time altogether and avoid having their friend subtracted by some random guy. That's all fair to me, I got it, I don't mind.

At some point however, I decide to leave the dock to go for a little walk around. Otherwise when I'm sitting and drinking for too long I get sleepy.

These sweet vibes got me in a good mood. The perfume of the sea, the tropical atmosphere, the happy people around. I don't need anything more, honestly.

I'm taking the main alley by the hearbour, eastward. It's where all the fanciest bars are situated. All the terraces and alleys are packed with loud people eating, drinking.

I've been walking for not even 100m and some element of the whole display suddenly puzzles me. On a small stone block, I see three girls sitting. They have their back to me, so I get around and pass them by to check their faces. It's them.

I'm glad to bump into them randomly like that, of course. And I'm not even mad they haven't tried harder to contact me. Okay, maybe a slight bit, in the deep of the emotional side of my mind. But on a rational level, I totally get it.

The fact that I had been kinda disregarded somehow eases me down. Now I feel expectations from me are pretty low. I don't have much to lose, nor much to prove. It's a bit of a paradox, but now I don't care that much. I'm just welcoming things as they come. And it feels good.

They appear positively surprised, I greet them all cheerfully. The two other friends are named Hanna and Anna. The meet-up is all benevolent and smooth. They had been sitting down here for a little while, drinking wine from a bottle, but were willing to move around. They agree to go and see that same dock I just came from.

I still have my mind set on Eva, obviously. But I really want her friends not to feel ignored, I sincerely want to connect with them as well. So I'm paying a careful attention to all of them equally, with the same curiosity.

We find a free spot at the end of the dock, which offers a wide panorama on the sea. I'm opening my second beer. I feel we've all quickly found a way to get along. It's natural. I like their openness and simplicity.

The lenguage topic is quite lively. They are teaching me some Finnish while I help them with some  French. Hanna knows a whole lot of numbers, and her pronunciation is quite decent.

Beyond the usual classics, I'm feeling like teaching them the essential sentences to to survive in the French hood, just in case. They are enthusiastically practicing three different ways of asking « how is it going ? », gangster-style. I try to persuade them that it's the most useful thing there is.

The conversation is flowing all pleasantly but soon, all of our bottles are dry. We're all on the same page, it would be best to keep on getting hydrated. We'll walk by the eastern shores of the harbour, and see if we can find a nice location for drinking supplies.

While we hit the road altogether, Eva comes right by my side. I'm sensing an early form of magnetism in the air. And I'm glad to see how easy it is to connect with her now. I'm profoundly feeling each thing she means, and it seems to be mutual.

Anna listens to classical music, but for dancing she likes radio hits. We spend a little while talking about music composition with Hanna, she's also into it and uses a different software than mine.

We're passing by some night clubs, and many bars which are all kind of look-a-like to me. It doesn't take us long to settle down at one of the terraces by the sea.

The waiter there argues that for cocktails, it'd be nice to go for the « local experience ». So be it. I'm picking some kind of a Mojito derivative. It's not bad.

We're now discussing bout party traditions worldwide.

To my dismay, I just found out that scandinavians actually don't start at 6pm to finish and go to bed early. That was just a legend.

I'm telling them about the mexican drinking game culture, advocating for their top-notch expertise in that field of research.

The timing feels right to go and try some.We'll just go for that app-based one. Turn by turn, it gives a randomly selected little challenge to one of us. It's quite basic, but it offers a nice playground to learn new things about each other.

I appreciate the girls' enthusiasm to try and do it all fully. Anna demonstrates a rather skilled fluidity in her dancing moves, while the struggle is real between avoiding some forbidden words and remembering not to answer any of Eva's questions.

At some point, I'm selected for the « staring challenge » ag ainst... Eva. I'm immediately ready to go and last forever, while, according to her prompt reaction, she seems to be quite motivated as well. But Hanna foresees the everlasting situation to come, so she adds right away « alright, so the first person to blink loses as well ».

Eventually, this game turns out to be quite rewarding for the most prominent sinners among us. It helps to be knowledgeable in liquor brands, to have been involved in fights already, or other types of improper behaviors.

It's getting late by now. We're about the last people on the terrace. The waiter comes around and tells us the bar is about to close. We'd better be on our way.

I'm standing up, stretching, while talking to Eva. And when I turn and step toward her, she does the same. We end up standing in front of each other in quite an usual short conversation distance. I'm so close to her face I could nearly touch her. We aren't saying in anything special, but all I see is her eyes, wide open, fascinating. I'm out of order again.

Hanna's voice wakes me up. Where shall we go now ?

It's passed midnight but the air is still cool. We're all in a light mood. The idea of chilling a the beach is pleasing everyone.

There's a charming and quiet one I know, but it's by the other side of the harbour, on the western shores. It will be a bit more than an half an hour walk.

Hanna warns us she had been texting to some Finnish friend who'd like to come along. He'd catch us up nearby, at the central alley of the harbour.

We're off in that direction, by the sea. Anna and Hanna are leading the way, and I'm walking beside Eva. I'm with her 100%. And I forgot about the whole group dynamic thing. Little by little, I'm letting the flow take over.

Our meeting point is down a large alley with palm trees on a side. Lots of festive people are passing by. The girls just picked a bench to sit on and wait.

I'm also sitting comfortably, my arms spread on the bench's backrest. She's so close I can feel her thigh subtly touching mine. She's a bit worrying I'd get bored just waiting. I'm telling her « it's all good, I'm all happy here. » As long as she'd be around, I thought, I didn't care that much about what was happening and where.

In some matters, sometimes, I happen to be kind of shy. Especially, when it comes to do the first physical steps. All typical approaches usually seem to me a bit too cliché, too soap-opera style. I find it hard to know the right timing to do the right thing the right way, etc. There's always a probability of unpleasant rejection, and I particularly dislike feeling invasive.

But now, for once, I'm pretty confident. I have the impression I can read her, more or less. How she's feeling, what she wants. And in this moment, I'm sensing rather positive vibrations.

Therefore, all casually, I'm delicately laying my hand on her shoulder. But surprisingly, it feels as if it was the 1000th time I'd be doing that. It's the tiniest thing, the most simple touch. But still, it does light me up inside for a second.

Eventually, the Finnish guy shows up. He has some kind of an indie-artsy-skater-style, if that means anything. Hanna said he was a pianist. He just told me his name but either it was too complicated, either my mind was still somewhere else. Anyway, he takes a few cans of beer from his bag and offers one to each of us. We start talking and he seems like the nicest guy ever, easy-going and chill. In a deep and dark corner of my mind, I can't help but wonder why would Eva like me specifically, among all others. This thought soon vanishes, though.

On our way to the beach, everyone is happy. Anna and Hanna are having an engaging conversation in Finnish with the new guy. And I'm walking behind with Eva.

The alleys start getting way quieter, especially in the area we're going to. The western beaches are kind of less popular, less artificial somehow.

I'm not paying much attention to the surroundings, if we're going the right way or not. I'm just enjoying the walk, her company. I like the lower-than-average tone of her voice, and her subtle Finnish accent. I like the way she listens carefully, all ears.

When I finally look up to check what's up with the other guys ahead, I see our group has enlarged again. Two new guys are now walking along. Getting closer, they greet us. They are both swedish. They seem pretty friendly, cool people. They admit still being a bit tipsy after their night out. They say they'd be glad to join us for our little beach quest.

Soon, there starts a private joke session, scandinavian style. I'm not getting it all, of course, but I sometimes laugh anyway just because it sounds funny.

At some point, the tallest-blond-muscular swedish guy comes around Eva playing it all smooth operator. It's quite obvious he's not indifferent to her. He's doing his little show, but I don't mind.

She's far from falling for it though, I'm not surprised but it's still nice to witness. I'm charmed by her assertiveness, by the way she implicitly dismisses his advances.

We are now reaching the rocky side of the shore. There are cliffs, old small stairways carved in stone, and a lush kind of tropical vegetation.

The night is clear, all so peaceful. The moon is gigantic.

The winding pathways we're going through are pretty narrow. I take her hand. It feels like something normal we had been used to for a while already. We're now getting more comfortable in that double dialogue, between spoken and silent things.

The beach we had been searching for soon appears to us from the distance. As far as I could remember, it was much further away.

It's shaped like a large bay. The shores are made of sand and tiny rocks. It's all calm, we're the only people left.

There's a fresh breeze in the air now, it's kind of late. I think we'll eventually just sit by the ocean and enjoy the view. The girls didn't bring their swimming suits, and I believe I'm the only one with a towel.

Yet, as an evidence, Eva starts taking her clothes off, so do I, so do the others.

The tallest swedish guy hurries to go first. I'm second. The water temperature is survivable. In relative darkness, we have to step carefully among the tiny rocks.

I'm advancing slowly toward the unlimited horizon. And when the sea level reaches my waist, I'm diving in. It's delightful. I'm turning around to lie on my back, looking up to the starry sky. I have an impulsion to swim away from the shore, far. So off I start drifting away. But then I see her, coming along. Despite everything, I'm still genuinely amazed she cares.

Our friends are now quite a long distance from us. We still hear them laughing while splashing water to each other.

The sea level is still below my chest when she stops and stands just in front of me. The moonshine reflects white flickering halos on the calm waves. I didn't know the night could be so bright naturally. I see her face clearly, her hair is wet, waterdrops run on her shoulders. I'm admirative. This makes me recall some cool cinematic scene from a fantasy video game I used to play years ago. Hopefully, no one can read my thoughts.

But then I find her eyes. She is giving me that same magnetic look, inflexible, penetrating.

My thoughts are fading away one by one. No analysis anymore. No judgement. My mind is silent.

The train, the city, our friends, everything feels far appart now. Time is like suspended. The scenery and the sounds become dim, and she's the only one left. Attraction is slowly and inevitably pulling me toward her. When we eventually collide, it feels like a tiny firework inside. Her skin is silky, and a bit cold. She's light, delicate.

Now I'm taking her hand, and lifting it up to invite her for a dance. It makes no sense but it feels just right. She slowly sways round below my arm, amused. The sea is playing its quietest and most hypnotic tune.

We're drifting in circles around each other, floating in every way. My senses are all awaken. There's no need to explain, no need for words, it's all balanced.

Apart from the fresh breeze blowing gently, there are some colder streams swirling underwater. Two seconds away and it's pretty cold, two seconds closer and it's not cold at all.

On the ground however, there are some rather spiky things among rocks. And it really hurts like hell when we step on them. It's as if we were dancing on a minefield. We both find it funny though ; the way we alternate between solemn grace and sudden sparks of agony.

I have no idea how long we had been in the water, but it seems like our friends are now moving back to the beach. We'll catch them up.

In the deep of the night, we're all dripping wet, frozen, yet cheerful.

I see she's shivering, so I'm wrapping her in my towel. I look at her, and we both know it's a whole new paradigm now. Rules have changed. Walls have fallen.

Our feet are slightly bleeding from few tiny wounds, « but it was worth it. »

It's time to head back home. My left foot is severely aching, which causes me to limp a bit while walking. She grabs my arm. We're now leading the way together, through the rocky pathways.

We aren't saying anything particular. Silences don't feel awkward anymore. There's no fear to do too much or not enough. I just know I'm feeling good, in her presence simply.

The swedish guys are sleeping in their boat, which is parked by some dock along the way. We leave them there, saying we'd keep in touch.

Not much further away, we reach our crossroads. It's almost 3am. They'll go back to their flat and me to my hostel, and it's all natural that way. I'm telling to Anna and Hanna it was nice to meet them, while sincerely meaning it. I don't even have the time to think about how to say goodbye to her, she reaches to me for a kiss. One last charming glance, and she turns away for good.

Now I'm the only one left by the harbour's shore, limping around. I'm kind of stunned. I hadn't anticipated any of that.

The night is still clear. The streets are completely desert. I'm taking a deep breath of the sea. In this moment, I don't want or lack anything particular. I'm just glad to be here, to do each little thing coming my way.

[terriblevalveartandocs]

About Valve OCs and the blog

This has been on my mind for a while.

This blog never got a satisfying end in my books, and I’m sure for other readers as well. Even though closure is a myth perpetuated by mainstream media, I will make this post to try to rectify past mistakes and general truancy of this blog. I have my own suspicions that most of my readers are dead (considering all of the porn bots are now starting to follow me), so I write this post in the darkness of the night into the void that is Tumblr. Read my cry if you care.

Firstly, this blog will never update again. There are multiple factors that have led to this blog’s extinction and I think they’re important to address

Motivation

This blog took up a large chunk of my life back when it was active. Don’t get me wrong, bad art still gets me to cringe and I find myself on occasion still pining over weird ocs and art styles on Deviantart. However, maintaining it as a blog with daily updates became a chore for me along with promising critiques of ocs and such. I’ve come to discover that I can’t do what I love as “””work”””. While bad art still remains a passion for me, I don’t see myself continuing this in blog format.

OCs have changed

The OC market has changed. Base art has definitely taken a downturn in the past few years and you’re more likely to see people hand-drawing their ocs or writing them out. Thanks with the culture of memeing about bootleg fandom ocs (This is my own original character blonic, donut steels) , it seems that people are more drawn towards creating their own worlds and characters rather than shoving their mary sue into their current fan favorite content. These are good changes in terms of originality for artists and writers in my opinion.

However, a lot of the formats for OCs have changed as well. There tends to be an emphasis on their sexuality and race in OC culture now. I don’t consider that a bad thing but I’d rather not poke that hornet’s nest of gender identity and race of fictional characters. What used to be the standard straight, bi, gay has expanded into other territories that I am unfamiliar with and now we have more ocs outside of the standard white chick but with Japanese last name because the creator really likes naruto. Again, this just seems to be the trend and I think my last few revival posts kinda show them.

Valve as a games publisher

LOL when’s half life 3???

Valve has definitely moved from being a game developer to a digital distributor.  Steam definitely seems to be their focus outside of Hat/Weapon Skin collecting and online gambling (and also their weird consoles/controllers???). Not that I would continue this blog if they released more content (They published another update to the TF2 comic, can’t wait for that to get updated in a year).

Along with this slump of their own original content, this has led to a slump in original characters for their franchises. There are not as many fan ocs and art isn’t being produced for their franchises (except maybe with comic updates for TF2 and nostalgia for old games).

This blog was created at the optimal time imo with L4D2 still being fresh, TF2 still having an active userbase, and Portal 2 giving some great content in terms of creative material.

Also I’m not interested in reviewing Dota 2 art and I don’t think there are enough Counterstrike ocs.

Negativity

I don’t know if this blog was a source of positive or negative energy. On one hand, I was ridiculing people’s art without much hesitation and not acknowledging how much time and effort that might have been put in by the artist. But on the other hand, it provided laughs for people during its duration and gave me a creative outlet in terms of humor, arguments, and writing. I think I did my best to avoid any harassment for these artists by removing any watermarks that might lead any rude reader to them, but I’ll never know if they suffered any bullying. Obviously I’m not going to put this on my resume as work experience but I like to think that this blog help think critically about their content, regardless of what role you played on the blog be it me, a submitter, an observer, or the subject. Maybe if some supreme being questions why I started this blog in the afterlife, I can tell them I did it for the lolz.

In the end, I think I did more harm than any general good for the world and nobody will really understand that weird pain if I try to repent for it publicly. I don’t know of any key examples of this (or really remember because I haven’t done this shit in years), but I do apologize if I ruined anyone’s ambitions for writing/drawing.

I’m glad there is a stronger hugbox mentality for artists who aren’t very good and I embrace that style of encouragement. I guess my only concern is veering too far into that and just embracing everything as perfect and awesome and never improving. Criticism has its place in society.

Perhaps the real lesson is that who the hell gives a shit about what you post on the internet. Why should you give a stranger any control over how much your art is worth? However, this also gives the argument into determining if any of your art is worth anything based on your preconceived notions on your art’s merits since you are only a stranger to me. Why should you tell me that your art is valid and equal to anything else produced when it looks like you drew it with your tablet pen stuck up your ass?

Maybe we all just need to learn to stop giving invisible voices the power to ruin our emotional states and work on our self satisfaction.

Growing up????

I wrote most of this blog like a million years ago. It was a stronger part of my identity and a part of a community in a way of similar blogs in the same style. But I don’t really relate to the content as much I used to. Valve games are still near and dear to me, but they’re more nostalgic than my current flame and muse. I feel the same happened to other blogs in the same vein as mine. Perhaps also age and the changes of time led to our own focuses in our own lives than looking at the scribbles of some stranger on the internet. While it’s still one of my internet past times, it is not my main focus in life to critique bad art (unless it starts paying serious dosh). I just don’t relate to the words and passions anymore. In a way, this is my own cringe that artists produce when they’re young on Deviantart. It’s kind of funny in a weird way.

This blog will continue to remain up but I’ll probably move into another blog of some sort (I accidentally made this my primary blog and I can’t delete it). It sort of became my main lurking blog and I guess its time that I make a less weird not ghost blog (I’m probably confusing a lot of the people that I follow with my constant hearts and comments).

I guess I wanna say thanks for all of the people who followed this blog and its contents. I probably wouldn’t have continued for very long without followers so you’re all to blame for this negative impact I’ve made on the world (jkjk). I like to think we’re connected with our mutual spirit in improving how we create things and wanting to see improvement in others. I think this blog helped me see the dumbest of things and not be afraid to say it was dumb and I hope it did for you as well. I also hope it brought you laughs in the content that was displayed or the humor I attempted to convey. It did genuinely warm my heart whenever I got a heart, reply, reblog, or messages to keep up the work. It kind of makes me sad to think that I left rather abruptly, but better blogs have died quicker and quieter. Simple fact of life really. Thank god my ego keeps me in check to constantly remind people of my existence.

To any artists out there, bad art is a fact of life. You do not come out of the womb knowing how to do two point perspective and 3d shapes. You mess up doing 3d shapes each any every time until you get it and then move on to the next thing you’re not good at. There’s a common TIL leddit post about how Michaelangelo burnt all of his old works so nobody would know how bad he was when he was starting out. I don’t know how true that is, but that’s not a great mentality to have for your art. Seeing that bridge between your former self and current self is important for seeing self growth in your skills. Plus you won’t have those juicy likes and comments on instagram when you do the art redraw and show how far you come like how can you skimp on that you dingus.

All of the great content creators right now love showing off the shitty art they did as kids because it gives them a sense of progress in their work and their accomplishments and continues to drive them in their own works. (unless you’re rebecca sugar and drew ed edd and eddy shipping porn lol). Heck, some of them even take the stuff that was once cliche characters and expanded on them in their own Original Universe Donut Steel. And thanks to their own Original Universe Donut Steel, now tens of thousands of impressionable young artists can look at it and say “that’s awesome, but it would be way better if there was my own character...”.

OCs are weirdly one of the ultimate ways of fan expression where you enjoy the content so much you wish you were part of it. Even though it’s very disjointed and out of place, it’s usually done in a place of love for the franchise or the characters. So for those of you that are doing that still, keep at it I guess.

Fan art is sorta in the same way where you enjoy something so much that you want to replicate the style/themes/characters in your own or the content’s style. While not as extreme, it’s still in the same place of love and people generally like that more than original shit anyways so continue to make it so I can buy your posters at anime conventions without supporting the original creator lol. 

If you want to harass me further for my sins against budding artists, I guess I’ll link my personal blog if anyone actually asks me. I also wrote this at 3 am so it is extremely unedited and awful but it’s the most “pure” for my usual diatribe. Consider it my first OC for the blog.

Good night, good life, and farewell.