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pwblogarchive · 4 months ago

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November 2001

November 23, 2001

“this is rocknroll”

so this is the start.

it’s late.

this should turn out to be a documentation of the life of arma angelus. i’ll update it from the road and what not. or maybe it will be just a big waste of time- we’ll see.

i feel like i should do a first post type thing. unfortunately i can’t think of anything so bright or witty.

i’m going to midnight movies right now- i will do a real post later on…

welcome to five ruined lives.

love- pete

November 24, 2001

“the beginning”

so the midnight movie did not happen. my friends dropped me off to spend a night hidden behind the monitor.

i feel like this is a good time to explain some of my thoughts on these journals. i sometimes feel like they fit into the whole “reality craze”- everyone wanting fame for nothing. the degradation of our lives. we want to see what is behind someone else’s door. we want to buy the dream that anyone can “live the life”. to me this is a waste-

“you thought you knew but you have no idea”- ultimately this is not how i hope this appears. there are certain constraints rythmically and melodically to the expression of ideas in music. hopefully this journal can serve to fill in the blanks. that is the point of this.

well. thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. i was supposed to go out to syracuse and spend it with my friends. that didn’t happen. i am pretty depressed about it. chalk up another missed opportunity- “regret will always get you in the end”. our record won’t be out until december due to an error in the printing. but we’ll have some at our record release show. i’m pretty stoked, we’re practicing for it this weekend. we’ll be out on the east coast with throwdown/bleeding through around new years this year. it should be fun, we’ve been friends since racetraitor. we’ll be playing some new jams so look out. i hope to get some new lyrics up here soon.until then go check out the rumors at www.superherohq.com and buy an eXc dvd…

it couldn’t have been written better: you love to hate us, we love to hate you…

petey

November 26, 2001

“grand failure anthems”

what a weekend. i made it out to the local showcase and was quite impressed. it was great to see the guys from 7angels again after touring with them. watching jared play drums is insane. i guess adam did an interview for the canadian metal magazine Unrestrained which is pretty cool since they sell it at borders and stuff so keep an eye out for it. i think i might have passed out 300 samplers this weekend and we still have a ton more, the box is like neverending. tommorrow i’m going to post the lyrics to three new songs. they are of a bit of a different nature- they are kind of a progressive narrative. it just tells the story of this relationship i have been stuck in and out of- far more personal than the full length so i hope everybody doesn’t hate them or whatever. Also in Arma Angelus Army news, we’re goingto doa massive mailing of stuff next week so watch yur mailbox. we hae a new shirt design in, fresh gear for all the girls and boys. we also bought armaangelus.com- so that should be up shortly. today i’m listening to “Thriller” and wondering when they are going to make regular coke with the lemon in it. i’m waiting… Pete

November 27, 2001

“We are the story of love gone wrong…”

here’s the new lyrics… i feel like i should explain them but then again does anyone care? record release here on dec. 1st- today my friend told me some stuff am getting for christmas. yep- good stuff.

THE ARCHITECT,THE ARSONIST

With a focus and a resolve that will not slip I fall tonight. I feel content for the first time- with a look you melt me. with a word I vow to not lie forever in such dissemblance. to not lie forever in my own arms. my flesh has never felt so ill- as though one thousand insects swarm it- longing for your embrace for your gaze to steal me away from the shadows and burdens of this world. rest my troubled head in your hands. I only hope this moment is not passing. My heart That has never felt so full- nor ever thought it would has fallen from security- Has fallen so surely. Can I rest on the promise of your name on my lips. Your wings guard my sleep. As though I was never alone at all. As though my heart beats only for you. If I could steal the way you look at me I would lie in that feeling forever

and fall for you.

DEATH TO THE LAST ROMANTIC

As I lie here in the company of none but desperation. I?m dying for you to press your lips against mine and adorn them with romance. Adorn them with disaster and hopelessness upon hopelessness. Please just lay here beside me forever. I?ll sing you this song just one more time. For the brokenhearted. For the loveless. Yet I only wish that such words would compel belief and mandate love from you. I only wish for wings that were not broken. I swear to god I?ll save a smile for you in hell. I swear to god that the words ?I love you? are my last breath. When I?m gone close your eyes and imagine me the person I always wished I was. I watched it all end when she said ?pretty girls make graves?. One more time- I?ll sing this song just one more time for the broken hearted- for the loveless. For you.

SWITCHBLADE LOVE AFFAIR

Another town, another night away- and I swear to god I?ll lay it all to waste. I?m just another broken heart on your stereo. So turn the volume high because the world?s not waiting for five ruined lives. Lonely quarters for broken phones to tell her how she broke me like a twenty on a pack of smokes. we?re talking to ourselves- our wasted and empty arms dying to hold anyone. Dying to not be alone. send a rusted postcard back home, just so someone cares I?m gone. Dear, can you smell the contempt on my breath? Accomplice of my stolen breath- accomplice of a ruined man. I?ll die hidden behind a pen. because ?regret will always get you in the end?-we are the story of love gone wrong.

November 29, 2001

damn. American Nightmare is so good. i only wish that wes could get more than like three words into the mic a show- it only heightens the fact that he uses multiple tracks to fit them in on the record. so that part is pretty wack. but damn- that guy is a maniac and the lyrics are soooo good.

I passed out like 400 samplers last night at the show. so hopefully all those kids will comeand rock out on saturday. i have a super big weekend coming up-friday Fallout Boy is playing at western. then saturday is our record release here and sunday i cleavland with pretty much the same bands. word.

i’ve gotten a couple of emails about this journal and all and i just wanted to tell everybody to feel free to interact on here- it’s for everybody. you can even be anonymous if you like.

i’m out to go and look for a job i guess. my dad woke me up at seven to tell me this, i was like SIKE!

alright…

-p

#fall out boy #pete wentz #livejournal #pete wentz livejournal #journal

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jenlvr01 · 4 years ago

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BAD ROMANCE

Pairing : Jaehyun x Reader

Genre : Greek God Mafia Au !

Warnings : Cursing , mention of drugs and violence.

Summary : Jaehyun Or in The underworld He is Known As The King or people would call him Hades. Ruthless, Cold and a selfish Bastard. One day Everything changed when He laid His Eyes On the most beautiful maiden he has ever seen but The problem is...he doesn’t wanna fall in love.

Notes: Yall i suggest you listen to Bad romance by Lady gaga While Reading this! And also this is my first time posting something on tumblr hehehejais sorry if there is any grammar errors english is not my first language T^T

“Damn where the fuck is Jeno” Jaehyun Sighed as He sat on his Gold throne inside the biggest and darkest castle in the underworld. Everybody feared him and would tremble at the mention of his name.

“Hello Your grumpy Highness” Jeno Rolled his Eyes At him as He handed Him a Letter. Jaehyun Looked at Jeno and shook his head.

“You do know i can Take your life right at this very moment if you keep up that attitude of yours” Jaehyun Glared at The poor boy and Jeno just bowed and walked away.

There are Three worlds that exists. The first one is Heaven where all the Gods And Goddesses live. Second Earth where Humans And Some demi Gods Live and Lastly the Underworld Ruled By Jaehyun Where he punishes all the bad people and The Corrupt Gods And Goddesses are thrown.

Jaehyun opened the letter for it to be an invitation to the Heavenly Ball. Jaehyun receives one every year but he never once attended these kind of gatherings and he is always labeled as A VIP guest . He just thinks its a waste of time and silly but this year he wanted to Go For a change

“Hey Mark” he called Mark His Guard and Personal Assistant “Yes Your Highness” he Bowed slightly and was preparing to throw the invitation “Get dressed in The finest suit you Have..we are going to this damn Ball” He stood up and left Mark with a confused Look. “Your highness why are you going?” He asked afraid and was sweating cold sweats

“I wanted to go for a change..besides i wanna see my brothers ” he smirked as he opened the main door.

He dressed in the finest Suit that he had and his slick back hair that made him look 10x more intimidating.

Mark drove him to the venue also looking as dashing as ever. When they arrived at the venue it looked like everybody saw a ghost except for his 3 brothers ofcourse. Mark Followed Jaehyun Quietly at a distance

“FINALLY SOMEONE WENT OUT OF THAT DAMN HELL HOLE AFTER A LONG TIME” Taeyong Screamed Happily while approaching his Brother. Taeyong The God of The sky and Thunder happily approached his brother with champagne. Winwin Just sighed at the sight of Taeyong screaming so loud to the point where everybody had their eyes on them.

“Taeyong I swear to God lower your damn voice” he smacked his Brother at the back of his head

“So What made you attend this event this year My dear brother” he casually approached his brother and took a sip of his champagne.

All the Goddesses had their eyes on Him. Whispering endless thoughts and probably thirsting about how hot he is. Meanwhile all of the Gods Are starting to Fume with anger because all of the Women’s eyes were on him.

“I also dont know i felt like i needed to go here for a change” he took a sip of his champagne.

Johnny The God Of the Sun Approached Jaehyun and His Brothers

“Jaehyun im surprised to see you here my friend” he looked at him with disbelief.

Johnny and Jaehyun along with his brothers are Good Friends And they also run a business along with a few friends In The Underworld.

“Yeah i just went here for an appearance i really cant believe You attend something like this every year” he tsked and looked around the place as His brothers continue chatting With Johnny

Whispers and loud chattering can be heard. Loud music can Be Heard and the sight of Gods And Goddesses Flirting can be seen. The thought of love and flirting has never crossed Jaehyun’s mind. He had too much On his plate to be Even thinking about matters like those.

Jaehyun’s one and only rule? Never fall in Love For It will destroy you. Jaehyun saw what love did to humans and other Gods and Goddesses and he thought it was Stupid.

“Im Gonna go Out Where is The garden?” Jaehyun asked Taeyong and he answered with a smile “go straight then turn left you’ll see a glass door” jaehyun nodded and Mark followed with a glass of wine in his hands.

“Sooo are you enjoying this party your highness?” Mark asked with wiggly eyes brows

“Fuck no This was a wrong decision to come here..How are the transport on the drugs?”

“Its alright the same as usual no need to worry” as he looked up and saw bright colors and expensive gold on the ground and walls “Good Make sure Nothing Goes Wrong. Tell Jeno To Gather The Team to Monitor the transport we need to be careful this is a huge amount make sure it doesn’t Get stolen” Mark Does a bow and said “yes Your Highness” Jaehyun nodded and dismissed Mark. He Was faced With A very elegant Glass door The doorknobs made with diamonds and rubies. Slowly he Opened The Door to be greeted by The scent of Hyacinths. He slowly walked over the stone path. He Never really gets to see flowers back in The Underworld because no living thing can survive in the underworld. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ “oh My God What happened to You. You poor thing let me fix You Up real quick” You said in a concern voice looking at the dead flowers in the Garden. You placed your hand on top of the flower and used a tiny bit of your powers to heal the flowers. You smiled and giggled at the sight of healthy flowers. Yes You are the Goddess of vegetation and Fertility. You never really wanted to attend these kind of Parties. You Just feel so out of place and uncomfortable with all the people surrounding you and all. The thought of it makes you sick. You sighed as You drank Wine and slowly leaned back onto the tree. It was a nice view. The garden was filled with many green and colorful Plants. You'd really Rather spend your day here rather than talking to people. You Fished out your phone from your Pocket To call Jisung the cupid and Your bestfriend ofc. “Jisung are you really not gonna attend this event? I have no friends here seriously i was forced By Naeun That's why I'm here” You groaned when you heard Him laugh " I told You You need to stay away from that girl" He laughed even harder when he heard How annoyed You were “ Let me Guess You are either at some random room in the mansion or you are at the garden ”You did a little snap and said “BINGO! I'm at the garden " You chuckled “anyways i need to go get more wine please pick me up later" you can feel him smiling through the phone and said “okay okay ill pick u up bye” he suddenly ended the call and all you could do was stare at the phone with disbelief. "Woah I cant believe this man He suddenly - “ You suddenly turned to your side and bumped into a God...well probably the most handsome God You have ever laid your Eyes on. He shut his eyes shut and sighed. “Oh my God I'm So sorry" You panicked because he seemed like he was having a bad day and he looked so pissed at the sight of wine staining his Suit “damn Woman watch where Your Going.” As He opened his eyes you could feel his hot gaze pierce through you skull. “ I'm really so sorry about this......’’ You looked at him and gave him the “what's your name??” Kind of look. “ You don't know me??” Jaehyun asked because he couldn’t believe it. “yeah I don't know you so I uh...may I know your name??’’ he smirked and leaned down to whisper in her ears “My name is Jaehyun”

#nct au #nct jaehyun #nct x reader #aunct #nct b jaehyun #jaehyun #jaehyun au #jaehyun imagines #nct fluff #nct mafia au #nct mafia fic #nct fic #jaehyun reaction #jea #jaehyun scenarios #nct blurbs #nct scenarios

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kumeko · 3 years ago

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Title: Garreg Mach Yearbook Chronicles

A/N: For the @garregmachzine I got to write four different snippets. It was a fun challenge trying to cram everything into a drabble.

Featuring: Leonie's troubles with Seteth and Flayn, Hilda charming Ferdinand to escape battle, Annette dealing with a club composed of Linhardt and Marianne, and Claude dodging Hubert's censor.

…

Fishing Tournament

Sitting on the banks of the pond, Leonie watched as her bobber dipped in and out of the water, floating idly along an invisible current. With any luck, she’d catch a fish soon. A big one, hopefully. Usually by now she’d have caught at least one or two, but then usually she was also alone while she fished. Leonie cast an eye around her, biting her cheek at the sight of her fellow classmates. Despite how early in the morning it was, it felt like half the monastery was sitting along the pond, trying their best to catch a fish.

Then again, it wasn’t everyday that Seteth held a fishing contest. After all that’d happened in the past few months, she couldn’t deny that they needed a break like this and it seemed that everyone else agreed. Byleth sat at the docks, quietly fishing. Next to her, Sylvain lost his balance and flailed as he struggled to keep out of the water. In the distance, she spotted Caspar and Raphael comparing their catches.

“I see you are also entering the fishing contest,” a slightly musical voice asked from behind her. Startled from her thoughts, Leonie looked up in time to catch Flayn as she sat down next to her. Like, right next to her. Smiling softly, Flayn clasped her hands together as she stared at Leonie’s rod. “Did you catch anything?”

“N-not yet.” Leonie shook her head, feeling a little awkward at the proximity. Maybe if she shifted the other way—

“That is a pity.” Seteth slowly sat down on her other side, a fishing rod in hand. He cast his line, his eyes on her the entire time. “It will not be much of a contest if there are no entries.”

Leonie resisted the urge to get up and run. What was it with these siblings, pinning her in like this? She felt sandwiched, with no way to escape. “I’m sure someone will manage to catch a good fish or two. Give me an hour, and I’m sure I can wrangle up a few myself.”

“Oh, that’s great.” Flayn clapped her hands. “However, that leaves a different problem. We’ll have all these fishes, and no one to cook them.”

Leonie swallowed. This was starting to sound familiar. “There are plenty of cooks—”

“Leonie has excellent skills,” Seteth suggested, as though he’d just thought of it. “Maybe she could?”

“Really?” Flayn lit up, before flashing her an innocent smile. “Leonie, would you mind?”

She should have just listened to her instincts and run.

-x-

Crest Studies

When Annette joined the academy, she had never seen herself leading a club, or leading anything for that matter. Sure, she would join one or two, but leadership was for the elites, for Dimitri’s and Sylvain’s of the world. Well, maybe not Sylvain exactly, but there were plenty other nobles who could fit the bill. Ferdinand. Lorenz. Hubert.

Yet it was her, not them, standing in front of the Blue Lions classroom, looking at her Crest Studies clubmates. To be perfectly honest, when the other options were the lazy Lindhardt and the shy Marianne, if Annette didn’t take the lead, nothing would get done. Even now, Lindhardt was dozing on his desk while Marianne fidgeted nervously.

Annette bit her cheek. She should have joined the gardening club. Clearing her throat, she announced, “For today’s activity, we’re going to the market.”

“W-what?” Marianne’s eyes grew wide. Sometimes, it looked like she didn’t know why she was in the club. “The market?”

“Why?” Lazily, Lindhardt lifted his head and gave her a baleful glare. “That’s a waste of effort.”

From the teacher’s desk, Professor Hanneman gave her thumbs up. At least someone liked her proposition. Annette quickly refuted, “It’s not.”

“We study crests,” Lindhardt replied languidly. “It’s a waste.”

Something about him always riled her up. She could feel her hackles rising. Stalking toward him, she rested her hands on her hip and bit out. “It’s not. We need to know what people think of crests.”

“Annette’s right.” Hanneman nodded sagely, intervening before an argument started. “It’s important to consider different perspectives when studying a topic.”

“But talking to people…” Marianne gnawed on her lip. “I’m not sure—”

“It’ll be fine.” Annette clasped Marianne’s hands, squeezing them tight. “Besides, we’re going to interview later, so this is good practice.”

Hesitantly, Marianne nodded. “I-I suppose that’s true.”

“Can’t we just interview now and get it over with?” Linhardt interjected, yawning.

Annette pulled Marianne up to her feet. “We’re going to the market,” she stated firmly, refusing to broker any more arguments. “If you want to decide what we’re doing, then you be the club president.”

It was an ultimatum he’d never take, and they both knew it. With a sigh, he got up. “Fine, I suppose there’s some merit to it.”

“Good.” Annette grinned as she gently tugged Marianne toward the door. Finally, she could tell Mercedes that they’d done something other than sit in a classroom. Finally, just like all the other clubs, she was going to go out with her clubmates and do something fun.

Perhaps there was some merit to being club president, after all.

-x-

Battle of the Eagle and Lion

I’d say it is an honour to write about the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion, but that was before so many of my drafts got mysteriously burned or destroyed because if I happen to make any unflattering comments about Edelgard, I have to start over. Though I would argue they aren’t disparaging, but who am I to argue with her guard dog, Hubert?

So what can I say about the Battle? Well, I guess the obvious—all three of our houses showed what they did best: Edelgard with her strategies, Dimitri with his training, and me with my ‘schemes’. I call them strategies, others call them traps, to-may-to, to-mah-to. Honestly, I didn’t do anything sinister this time around. If a lot of students just happened to get a case of mild food poisoning, well, things happen. Raphael got it too and you don’t hear me complaining about sabotage.

Let’s see, something flattering—ah, I know! It’s actually quite impressive how much Edelgard was able to move despite her illness. Honestly, if someone had poisoned, they’d better know to up the dosage next time. Despite her thinning ranks, she managed to set up her classmates quite skillfully, and Hubert somehow managed to do a lot of damage despite looking like he needed to find the closest toilet.

Of course, Dimitri powered his way through the food poisoning. I think he’s got the strength of a dozen soldiers, or boars as Felix likes to put it. Felix also managed to move, but I think that was purely out of spite. It’s amazing what a motivation spite is. Then again, I think Hubert would know all about that, wouldn’t he?

My house, of course, were the cleverest of the bunch, carefully goading out our enemies and defeating them one by one. Despite losing our strongest member, we rallied around each other and fought back. It was a close fight by all reckoning. And honestly if Edelgard lost (notice I said if, Hubert!), it wouldn’t be all that shameful, considering the handicaps she had.

Now, you might be wondering who actually won? Why it’s (scorched words) of course! Was there ever any doubt?

-x-

Mission Battles

Out of all the school activities she was forced to do, Hilda disliked the missions and mock battles the most. With the others, she could get away with appealing her classmates into helping her, whether it was Marianne in the library or Raphael with the stables or some other poor, hapless soul who crossed her path. As long as it was done, no one was the wiser.

On the battlefield, she wasn’t quite as lucky. No one could protect her the entire time and her charms were entirely wasted on the enemy. It wasn’t like they’d stop fighting her just because she asked.

Or maybe, if she—no, no, it was best to banish that thought. Hilda gripped her axe as she studied the battlefield before her. Just ahead of her was a bandit and unfortunately, there was no ally in sight to protect her. She was going to have to cut this one down herself. “I don’t suppose you’d back down?”

The bandit roared in response, charging at her.

“Step back!” Ferdinand quickly dashed ahead of her, his sword gleaming in the sunlight as he slashed down on her foe. With two quick strikes, the bandit was down and her rescuer looked at her triumphantly over his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yes! Thanks so much!” Hilda clasped one of his hands and gave him a soft smile. She stood corrected—she could absolutely charm her way through a battle, as long as it was one of those rare cross-house battles.

“No problem.” Ferdinand smiled brightly, before looking over his shoulder at Edelgard. “As you can see, I have struck down another enemy. That brings my count to higher than yours, does it not?”

“We’re in the middle of battle, Ferdinand,” Edelgard warned, axe clenched tightly in her hands. “We’re not competing.”

“Considering how one-sided it is, I could hardly call it a competition.” Ferdinand sniped, trying to pick a fight as usual.

Judging by Edelgard’s weary expression, his taunts still didn’t work. Determining that Hilda was safe enough, Ferdinand once more returned to Edelgard’s side, no doubt challenging her once again. It was impressive how he didn’t give up. A little sad, but impressive.

If he wasn’t going to give up, neither would she. There was bound to be another sucke—noble man willing to lay his life for a damsel in dress. Catching sight of a flash of red, Hilda smiled. “Oh, Sylvain!” she called out, batting her eyes.

Perhaps she could charm her way out of fighting too.

#fe3h #hilda valentine goneril #claude von riegan #annette fantine dominic #leonie pinelli #seteth #flayn #marianne von edmund #linhardt von hevring #ferdinand von aegir #fanfic

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beautifulweird0 · 4 years ago

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Forgiving Your Parents

I know too many people who’ve experienced some form of trauma from their parents. This isn’t a blog about bashing your folks- this is hopefully a post that will help salvage some strained parent and child relationships. Cause I been there, done that-and understanding your parent is only feasible if your parent is interested in understanding you.

My disclaimer is this: The child isn’t responsible for mending the relationship...solely. I’mma tell you like this, if your parent doesn’t want anything to do with you...skip em’.

Because that’s backwards as hell and that takes away from loving yourself. Anyway you chop it, if you find yourself forcing yourself on a “parent”, the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere-AND THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT OR CONCERN. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE EXTREMELY WORTHY. I’m so sorry your people ain’t solid; it’s a reflection of them-not you.

It’s my belief that something is wrong with a person if they want no parts of having a relationship with their child. Literally so messed up from their own unhealed traumas that they can’t find it within themselves to love someone they created…

Ain’t no fixing on that unless you take they ass to a therapist.

Moving on.

I’ve always had such a strong feeling in my gut when I come across new people. It’s like they look at me and think I got it all. Truly looking at me and seeing a woman who doesn’t have insecurities or childhood traumas spotted along her path cause I’m kind and always make it a point to smile like Granny told me.

I’m usually a private person. But its always been that ‘pull’ on me-telling me… “It’s another little girl that is going through the same stuff you went through. Say that shit anyway. And with your chest.” .

Think about it...

Can’t a soul embarrass you about some stuff you open about. That takes all the fun out of their miserable lives if folks know wassup already.

So as a 22 year old woman that been through some mess with her people, let me share pieces of me. Cause the last thing you want on your conscience is one of your parents passing and ya’ll not being on the best of terms.

I was listening to Mad Bitches the other day and Mikhala Jene said something along the lines of, “Nobody living is perfect”.

That hit me a little different. Like damn...nobody walks this earth perfect so...why do we expect perfection (again, subconsciously).

THIS.

This is why I say if your parent is trying, then work with them. If they sit down with you and tell you how life was for them coming up. The good parts, the ugly parts, and everything in-between. Trying their best to be authentic and build a bond, then meet em’ halfway (if they haven’t been on some stuff that’s just unforgivable).

And shit, our people ain’t have everything at their fingertips as we do. The apps that spread information quicker than you could sneeze, weren't available. They couldn’t go on a ‘self-care’ page to calm themselves down if triggered or go on YouTube and watch motivational videos. Not making excuses, just using a little perspective that helps me! Yet and still, let your parent(s) know if they did something to wrong you; you gotta’ have respect for yourself as a human. Period.

I didn’t find out who my biological father was until I was about 16 years old. Up until that point I believed another man was my father (which he is still and will always be!).

Sooo...I already had abandonment issues from my parents and my dad lived in a way at that time, that all parties involved thought it was best my grandparents took us in. That’s all I know is Granny’s (& Grandpa’s) house since I was a baby.

It helped that when my mom told me who my biological dad was, she was in a much better state of mind and stable-but man...I didn’t know what to feel. My sister was more upset than me (cause we have the same dad hypothetically).

So many questions ran through my head that I couldn’t even cry or be mad. I was shocked. Everyone played their role so well…

There was a long road ahead of me. Not only did I have to forgive my mom and dad for lying to me for so long, but there was a father in the same city I had yet to know.

My first point is patience. If you aren’t going to be patient with an end goal for you and your parent, you’re wasting your time. Being prepared for them to fumble sometimes is mandatory if y’all going to get to a better place. You mess up on certain projects or what have you’s a few times before you get it right...right?

Give your parent the same energy if you were in their shoes. Cause baby...ain’t nothing worse than admitting your wrongs and still getting beat down. I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at my mom in that moment where she was vulnerable and upset cause she knew she played a part in hurting me. What was it gone do but make me feel bad and her feel worse?

Blowing up wasn’t going to change what happened now 22 years ago.

Yeah, there’s hella’ books on parenting but I’mma tell y’all like my Granny told me, “There’s no such thing as a book on how to be a parent.”.

Having a child of my own- I’ve been witness to this. Folks can be shown and folks can be told on how to do certain things but with each child being different in this world, you have to be intune with them specifically- no book on that.

I was through hell and back with my mother and now we’re in an extremely better place because we both made the effort (more-so on her part 🌚).

But it was my responsibility to go into it with pure intentions and my guard down a bit after she made the effort; disappointment is what I expected sometimes cause I went into it knowing it was going to be a process.

Don’t get it confused, my mom always knew how I was-that wasn’t the issue. The new end goal was getting to know each other again so I could understand her better so I could forgive her. That’s no sucka’ shit. Its real. Everybody in this life is going to disappoint you, one way or another. Better to know what you’re dealing with so you can assess the situation in order to better assess the person. Free game.

Another step to keep in mind is, boundaries. I just feel like it will make the whole exchange smoother-not easier- but smoother. The point of forgiving your parents and (if you chose) trying to build a relationship, is to have them know you for who you are NOW. Not when you were 5, not when you was 12...have them meet you at your level. They dropped the ball, not you. Sure...nobody asked to be here but that becomes invalid when you start having babies of your own. It’s a different ball game when you bring a life into this world. Your joys become the joy of your children but way too often we forget that our pain becomes theirs as well.

My father always tried too-the dad that I always knew as my dad. On weekends me and my sister would go to his house before he moved to Michigan. Man I was a daddies girl-still am. My grandparents had the house on lock, couldn't watch programs with cussing in it or too much violence. Life of having Southern Baptist grandparents I guess.

The weekends at pops house was always interesting. I could watch all the music videos I wanted and watch the movies that didn't have too much goin on in them.

My dad would do different stuff with us like go to the library; he always knew I loved reading. Sometimes my dad would take us to the park or a friends house who had kids (how I met my husband), water parks, or even cooking dinner with me and my sister; plenty of quality time where I could talk to him about anything.

However, at the time, pops lived a certain lifestyle and no matter how hard he tried to shield it from us younger kids, I still seen things and experienced things a child shouldn't have. Again, comes with the lifestyle I guess.

My dad drunk...ALOT. And it was interesting to see the 'upsides' of alchoholism and the very big downsides. I'd never forget, I was maybe 8? Another weekend at my dads, just me and my sister (I have multiple brothers on that side too plus another sister), and I woke up one morning on the couch. My dad was goin through some things- all he had was a couch that he let me and my little sister sleep on. My 1st thought when I woke up was where was my dad sleeping? My sister was sleep, and it was still fairly early in the morning. I go back to the empty bedroom to find him sleep on the floor. No pillow. No cover. Just a beer in hand, laid out. That broke my heart.

Just remember feeling sad all over. I took the beer, threw it away then grabbed the pillow I had and laid it under his head. While doing so, my dad woke up, halfway and kissed my hand.

He told me straight up he loves me and he apologized. Didn't go into detail but he didn't have to. My dad never had his pops in his life, nor his mama until he was grown and was taking care of her though her illness.

I knew even at 8 years old that, that gotta hurt. I'm not gone sit here and act like I always understood the motives of my father but I tried because he always tried to understand me and til' this day, he is one of the top 3 people that KNOWS me like the back of his hand.

I had to forgive my parents because they’ve come a long way. Holding all that anger and resentment wasn’t gone help me in the long run. And in a way I can say I've helped to heal them by loving them through their screw ups. We always talk about a parents love but what about a child's love?

I don’t want to pass down my pain to my son, he don’t need that- the world will give its fair share. But everyday I pray that the world won’t hurt him bad. I want my son to be nothing less than strong mentally, emotionally, but most of all spiritually. He won’t have that unless I’m solid. So I ask myself… ‘hm, what’s still hurting me?’.

We all got a story to tell.

Love. Peace. Manifest.

#black #love #hate #generationalcurses #generations #hurt #healing #blackfamilies #blog #monetsway #alcoholism #mother #father

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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years ago

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kick back vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

the song she sings are original lyrics by me, there will be a screenshot of the whole thing in the comments/reblogs if you would like to see it all. there is no sheet music, i am not a musician, but the lyrics are all my own and subject to copyright (/11/06/20/). thanks for understanding

Song: sorry haha I fell asleep by egg

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee +++++++++

I looked down at my phone as it rang for the eighth time today. It was Vinny. Again. Couldn't he take the hint? He thought he wanted me but I knew he didn't. How could he? Clearly he wouldn't let it go though. I rolled my eyes and went to put my phone back down when it dinged. He didn't call this time. It was actually a text.

"I know you're ignoring me but I'm gonna keep trying, i told you how i feel and thats not gonna change. Also a heads up, I'll see you on tour."

My eyes went wide before I immediately called our band manager.

"Just the person I wanted to talk to."

She said fairly chipper.

"Tell me we aren't."

I said sternly.

"What?"

She sounded confused.

"Tell me we aren't touring with motionless."

She laughed a little.

"Why would I tell you that? Of course you guys are. isnt it exciting?"

My mouth dropped.

"Why?!"

"Um, because it's good publicity? their manager called me yesterday and asked if you wanted to collab on something too so i hope youve been writing. but back to tour. They are doing a short spring tour, just a few weeks. i figured you were the best breakout band on my label."

She seemed very happy. I sighed into the receiver.

"Dawn their drummer has been calling and texting me for two weeks straight."

She paused.

"Okay?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"He has been trying to get me to go out with him for two weeks straight."

"Oh!"

She said.

"Then what's the problem?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Ya know what, actually there's no problem. this is a great opportunity for our career. When are we starting?"

"Great! I have to call the rest of the girls but you start February third."

I nodded.

"Okay. Two months away. I can put this off till then."

I said more to myself.

"Well dear I've got to go, I'll talk to you when the posters come out."

°°°°°°°°°

i sat on the ground outside the bus and strummed my guitar lightly. id been in contact with all the girls from our band and all the motionless guys for our new song together since i got the call from dawn two months ago but things werent coming out as good as wed hoped. so here i was still working on it, by myself. the thing is though the song was supposed to be out by the end of tour and yet here we all were, one week in and still nothing. i couldnt even focus on the task at hand. i had to much other shit running through my mind.

"that sounds pretty."

i heard from behind me and stiffened my body.

"thanks, ive been trying to find new chords for the song."

i said as vinny came into view.

"well i think it sounds great, when i read through the lyrics you had so far i wasnt really sure how heavy it would end up being but i kinda like that."

he said, moving to sit in front of me. i nodded.

"it will be heavier but my brain wont let me right now."

i said, dropping my hands to my lap. he nodded back.

"well what you have so far sounds beautiful anyways."

i stared at the ground, tapping my fingers lightly against the guitar.

"actually vin, this isnt for the collab. its actually for you and the only reason i cant finish the other song is because im lost."

he raised a brow.

"its for me?"

i sighed.

"i dont exactly know how to talk to you anymore so i figured a song would be easier but its really not."

i said through a nervous laugh.

"ive been meaning to talk to you about that actually."

i shook my head.

"you dont have-"

"no, i do."

he said, sending me a look.

"i shouldve taken the hint in December but i thought that if i persisted then maybe youd see how much i meant what i said. but i guess somewhere along the line i got annoying. hell i know, i did, i was annoying myself. then when you started texting me back, even though it was just about the new song, i was excited. it meant i could still talk to you even if it was just business."

"vin i-"

"please, just listen for a second."

i cleared my throat and nodded.

"okay, lay it on me."

he took a deep breath.

"i want you to know that i did mean what i said, i do really like you and i want to try something, a relationship, casual dates, hell even just hanging out. maybe you dont want more, and thats fine. but i still want you in my life and i want you to know that i do care about you. even if you have been ignoring me on purpose."

i frowned.

"vin i dont know how to do this."

i said, motioning between us.

"all my past relationships have crashed and burned and i dont know how to move on form that. i dont want to have to change who i am again."

he shook his head.

"you dont- you would never have to do that. i like you the way you are, and i want to prove that to you."

i sent him a look.

"no, you like who ive created for you. thats not me. im not carefree and easy going, and agreeable. im pig headed and strongly opinionated and i have a loud mouth."

i said with a laugh. he smiled back at me which i wasnt quite expecting.

"i dont care about all that. i care about you, whether you think youve created someone for me or not. give me stubborn. give me opinionated and loud. hell even give me furious at times. i know thats the real you and yet im still trying. cant you see that?"

i bit the inside of my cheek and thought for a second. then i looked down started strumming again lightly.

"im sorry for making things harder, i never meant to make it this far."

i began singing lightly.

"you dont deserve this mess of a person, i just keep making things hard."

i looked to him and he was staring at me intently.

"we've made it this far, i cant believe youre still around. i thank the heavens cause if not id be six feet down"

i closed my eyes, swaying back and forth as i played.

"Im sorry for making things harder, you dealt with this before. If i make it up to you somehow, we wont have to waste our time no more."

i said softly, over the guitar before stopping and looking at him.

"its not quite done yet."

i said a little shy. he sent me a small smile.

"i love you."

he said and my face went straight. i watched as he scooted his way closer to my side.

"ill always be here for you, no matter how we move forward."

i looked to my lap for a second before looking back to him. he was staring at me longingly.

"i think i love you too vin."

i said, barely above a whisper. he looked between my eyes before his hand moved to graze my cheek. i couldnt help moving into him. before i knew what was happening i was kissing him lightly, his hand going to the back of my head to hold me to him. when he pulled away he had a huge smile on his face.

"the song sounds great by the way."

i laughed a little at that, feeling a blush creep its way to my face as he pressed his forehead to mine.

"our little atypical love song."

#wattpad #x reader #vinny mauro #miw #imagines #one shots #279

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mettalbunnyg · 4 years ago

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I started Journaling about how important songs and music are to me. This one really hits me hard and I love it so much. Love Hollow Front! I listen to this song daily and is on repeat quite a bit. It's important to my journey on confronting my childhood trauma.

P.A.N.I.C. by Hollow Front

I start to sense the panic

Coursing through my veins

A sickness so bleak and tragic

I feel its symptoms now

Just like a noose around my neck

I felt shame, guilt and disgust and just a downright filthy person. This is from experiencing sexual abuse at the young age of 6. Every day I think about it, why can’t I move on? Why can’t I have one day that I feel decent about myself. My anxiety keeps me distant and I am still forcing myself to feel alone even when others give me love. This makes me feel like I am doomed for life never escaping this deep pit of disgust that I fill my mind with.

And I've spent my whole life

Trying to prove to myself

That I was good enough

When in fact if I'd just opened my eyes

I'd have been sure to find

What it takes to get better

It took me 28 years to seek professional help for sexual trauma that occurred when I was around the age of six. A type of trauma like that would definitely break you at that young age leading me to feel helpless and like I didn’t deserve shit. Although, each day I kept on and contemplated suicide when I was 12. I had opportunities to ask for help but what stopped me was the fear that had grown inside of me. The fear that my abusers had imbedded in me through intimidation of ending my life if I had told anybody about what they had done to me. At six, that’s scary and you don’t know what to think so I did what most do, I kept quiet to suffer alone with a secret that would eat me alive for many years.

I've lived my life

Under the shadow of doubt

I've lived my life

Beneath these darkened clouds

I've lived my whole life

Just trying to find a way to get by

Instead of fighting to make myself happy

I walked through my life with my head down afraid to look up or get too involved in anything. Many years are blurs, guess it could have been the drugs and alcohol that helped me forget them. At this point I felt that nobody could help me. I walked with this secret that hung over me like a dark cloud that consumed me entirely. I wouldn’t spill this secret to a single soul until around the age of 16. (This is an estimate) 10 years is a long time to harbor this darkness with nobody to help me console what has happened or how to face it. I would shove it deep down inside of me and had become numb to the feeling with drugs and alcohol. I was just trying to get by and I felt too far gone to be helped and like most kids my age on the Reservation, I dropped out of high school. I turned 18 and had access to my Indian Money and wasted it on drugs, alcohol, meaningless items and even people that only hung out with me because I had money.

I'm cursed by this life I've lead

Could you fix me?

Because inside I think I'm dead

As someone that has finally taken the time to heal from that trauma, memories of my younger days still plague me. The memories from the years I wasted on drugging and drinking are permanent roommates in my mind. I now look to my counselor to help me, I know that you can never be fully “fixed”. What they don’t tell you when you embark on your healing journey is all the work is up to you and its hard work. You are responsible for your own healing. At first I felt so dead inside like it was pointless, here I am taking my healing into my own hands and it hurts. Therapy has a way of opening old wounds and it drags up some deep feelings that had been numb for years. But therapy has provided me tools to face and heal those wounds in a proper manner that I didn’t have as a young kid. Like I said before I numbed my feelings of guilt, shame and disgust with drugs and alcohol. So at a point I felt dead inside and a part of me still feels that way. I became accustomed to this feeling and almost like I don’t want to let that part of me go. (An identity crisis so to speak, who am I without that part of me?)

Anxiety creeps up my spine

And I lose all breath

As it smothers me

The world around me starts to fade to black

And I feel nothing again

I'm cold just like ice

Forgive me for thinking

That I would be just fine

This has come out in me in spurts of panic attacks here and there more prevalent lately than my early life. Just when I thought I could open up and be warming I find myself building walls to keep people distant from me. Once upon a time I felt like I was improving but healing is an ongoing process. Just when I thought I was past it all, I feel hopeless again as the compulsive thoughts of my past play like mini movie clips in my mind. When I am not busy my mind has time to provide playback, it’s haunting and is mentally draining.

'Cause I don't think my heart can take much more

Watching someone else I love, walk right out the door

And I feel that time's wasting away

Stuck with one foot in my grave

And I am so afraid

I am so afraid

Don’t leave me, I am sorry. I am sorry I am so fucked up. You will never know what I put myself through mentally every day. You will never understand where I come from. I will show you that I can be better, I just don’t want to be alone again.

I've lived my life

Under the shadow of doubt

I've lived my life

Beneath these darkened clouds

I've lived my whole life

Just trying to find a way to get by

Instead of fighting to make myself happy

And one day I'll tell my sons

To follow their dreams

No matter the chaos it brings

Life is too damn short

To wallow in our self-inflicted misery

And someday I'll prove to my sons

That I'm truly sorry for everything

Because I tried my best to love them

While also doing what's best for...

What's best for me

I want to live my life

Without regret

My final decision to seek professional help and heal was it started to coming up at parties, my defenses are down making me prone to be more open about myself. I was tired of being that one that brings the party down with my mental illnesses and my trauma. “Ooops, my trauma fell out.” Also, I wanted to show my nine year old daughter that it’s okay to ask for help. She shouldn’t have to feel the effects of my trauma, as it has it come with some irrational fears that I carry over onto her. I am working to reduce these but is a slow and steady process but I only hope she never feels what I felt or have gone through.

It's time to leave the regret, shame, guilt and all those dirty feelings behind. Why I am carrying this guilt around still? I didn’t do this to me, it should be on my abusers to walk with this guilt. But yet I struggle to let it go and live freely.

Sometimes I look in the mirror

Disgusted by my own reflection

That old familiar feeling

Creeps back up from the depths

To steal my breath again"

I fall into moments of self-hate and the feeling of disgust reinserts itself. I remember the guilt and the shame resurface. I think to myself “I thought I got rid of these feelings, why do I keep feeling this way?” The memories flood back and I feel a deep darkness starting to grow, aiming to take me over. Somedays I don’t want to get out of bed but I force myself to. I want to do better and not feel so disgusted of myself. It’s not my fault but all I do is punish myself.

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Tyler Tate

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mushi-shield · 4 years ago

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reason why I really love Tom McDonald music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6FmwBPDT-w "People So Stupid"

What a contradiction, being human is so tragic Focus on minorities, ignoring all the masses Hallelujah, everyone, activism saved the planet No more plastic straws in paper Just paper straws wrapped in plastic, congratulations

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxJtX081jj4 "WHITEBOY"

I would never hate a man for what God gave him in pigments And I would never plot against him just because he is different I would never judge a human for the cards he was given or Call them lesser than myself 'cause of the race that he's mixed with

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omMpqbuyDdc "Straight White Male"

Fine, y'all don't gotta be my friends Y'all don't gotta like white men Y'all don't gotta hold my hand Y'all don't gotta have my back Y'all don't gotta, y'all don't gotta, y'all don't gotta, uh Y'all don't gotta see my side Y'all don't gotta be down to ride Y'all don't gotta do anything but ghost And I'mma do me even when it's the most, yeah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ita4g_oDyns "Politically Incorrect"

Don't let 'em censor your thoughts Don't let 'em make you regret that you talked Don't let 'em tell you that nice is the law Tryna make you all right here when nothing is wrong, yeahWords hurt you, clothes hurt you Memes hurt you, jokes hurt you, we hurt you Half the time you don't even probably know what hurt you But you super mad, trust we heard you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHBMbZdCpSk "Cancelled"

I don't care if you mad at me, okay? Go ahead and change the channel Don't waste your time tryna cancel me, okay? They love me 'cause they know that I'm an asshole Say what you want, I guess it is what it is Haters can talk but they can't cancel the kid Go 'head and go off, try and say this is it But I swear to God, you can't cancel the kid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2l6JUNFAJ9o "Fake Woke"

Use violence to get peace and wonder why it isn't working That's like sleeping with a football team to try and be a virgin Politicians are for sale and someone always makes the purchase But you and I cannot afford it, our democracy is worthless If a man has mental illness call him crazy, say it silently When country's going crazy we accept it as society

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t86ClLM3ZGY "NO LIVES MATTER"

Freedom's dead, if you have an opinion, take it back (facts) People hate the president, if you don't then you trash (facts) Indoctrinate the nation using news and mainstream rap (facts) The government abuses us, it's all part of the plan (facts)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2K1xQOp4qo "White Trash"

This is for my white trash, the ones the whole world hate The ones who voted for Trump, got labeled racist but ain't The ones with ball caps, "Make America Great" Who love their country to death Who struggle on minimum wageAyy, they angry about illegal aliens Takin' work that maybe they could get Single parents with some baby kids Hated for being a patriot All my life, I've been white trash All my life, it's been like that The whole world been left leanin' I'm proud of the right who fight backBeen chewed up and spit out They scream but no one listens They're so in love and vote for Trump 'cause fuck a politician They're our neighbors They're our soldiers, our men and women and children They're middle class families who got forgot by the systemUh, in God we trust and all the guns are just backup Rockin' camouflage, don't tread on me, get smoked like tobacco Yeah, we're white trash, we rednecks, crackers since we were young We grew close, we move slow, these colors don't run

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT5DpOiQ_WA "Fake Fans" (DISS)

Look, I ain't changing for a buck, I ain't changing for a fan I ain't changing nothing up, this is who the fuck I am If you fuck with me, I'll hope that y'all enjoy it Beware of all the fake fans trying to destroy it, yeahI ain't switching it up, I am the man that I was Way before I blew up and everyone fell in love Never once gave a fuck, been doing me from the jump And I will never become the man that you wish I was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeb7bVA3pjE "Im Sorry"

Sorry, that doesn't bother me I don't owe anybody an apology I don't have no regrets in my biology Reload and shoot for the stars, y'all look like astronomy No one as hot as me, copy me commonly Wannabes, y'all are so shockingly comedy Carry the weight of my songs all on top of me I will not break, I'm not made out of potteryBury your bodies on acres of property Place them at angles like sacred geometry Down with modesty Everything I drop is quality Promise, like honestly, follow me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83Ntpeih4f4&t=236s "Buttholes"

Someone's always gonna hate you no matter what Might as well just be yourself and let people think you suck Opinions are like buttholes, everyone got one they cover up And all you gotta do is follow through When you're yelling that you don't give a fuckI ain't letting anyone piss in my Cornflakes Stay the hell out my face, and I will stay out of your way I know that life is cruel, and lately it ain't fair at all You hate your job, your phone is lost, there's evil men and racist cops Yeah, I don't care if you are black or white or gay or straight Or old or young or smart or dumb or where you're from or what you make The only thing I care about is living like I'm not afraid Of dying while I'm sleeping, so I seize it while I'm still awakeWe're so angry, hating everyone we don't know We can't even take a joke, we should really let it go And be happy, stop talking shit on our phones And blocking everyone we know, we've been being buttholes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueyNLoRWdao "American Dreamz"

We're distracted by free porn and compilation videos of puppies and kittens While our children use the internet to bully one another and then purchase ammunition So addicted to your phone that you ignore the kids and never give them any supervision So they learn to build a bomb with things you keep inside your kitchen and you wonder how they ended up with life inside of prison We mourned a dead gorilla, but don't care when it's a person, we're forgetting that we're human We're angry that chickens are being locked up in cages and then forget we do the same to kids in our institutions When they ask you about stupid shit, you tell 'em they should Google it Then you wonder why the troubled youth are homicidal lunatics You think it's tragic when a shooter killed a student But then say it's all a plan for them to change the constitution

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ4tAbwi31I "Castles"

Everybody's got a story; if you look a little closer, you can see it in the wrinkles in their face They can hide it in the silence, they can bury it and fight it, but it comes out when their hair is turning grey You can feel it if you touch 'em, you can tell that they are troubled, you can hear the story running through their veins We all travel different roads, and we put on different clothes; underneath it all, we're really all the same

Everybody has a tale that they're too afraid to tell, you can see it in the cracks in their hands They can cover it with smiles; if you walk a couple miles in their shoes, then you'll know where they stand Everyone who really lived had to climb out of a ditch they were in before they found the right path If you wanna know the truth about what we've been going through, then try to put your phone away so you can ask

We've all got problems, and we all feel alone We've all been haunted by the secrets we hold We could fill our coffins with the rocks they have thrown Or we could build our castles with the sticks and the stones We've all got problems, and we all feel alone We've all been haunted by the secrets we hold We could fill our coffins with the rocks they have thrown Or we could build our castles with the sticks and the stones

We are the neighbors that you'll never meet We are the strangers walking down your street We are a million faces in the crowd We are the ones the system's tearing down We are the people working to survive We are more than just our nine-to-fives We are the shopping malls and streetcars We are one, it's time to tell 'em just who we are

#Tom MacDonald

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blacklister214 · 4 years ago

Text

Illusions: (Chapter 5) The Offer

L.A. 1983

Caleb stood in the stage wing, listening to the applause thundering from the ballroom. Usually this was the best part of the night for Caleb. Soaking in adulation. Being praised to the skies. At the moment though he couldn’t muster the slightest bit of enthusiasm. He knew very well the source of his ennui.

Performing in the park, even for a minute, had been a high Caleb hadn’t felt in quite some time. There were over a hundred ghosts here tonight, and yet somehow it didn’t come close to the two dozen lifers he’d mesmerized that afternoon. The energy just wasn’t the same.

Caleb marched up the stairs. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew that to keep drawing more ghosts to the hotel he needed to work the room. Convince tonight’s guests to bring friends to the next performance. That was how they’d grown their audience from five spirits to the crowd they’d pulled in this evening. Unfortunately his heart just wasn’t in it tonight. The others would have to carry on without him. Delilah would be irate, but then what else was new?

Caleb stopped in his tracks when he reached the green room. A large man with a thick black beard was sitting on the couch, flipping through what appeared to be an old magazine. Caleb was taken aback to see himself posed dramatically on the cover.

“Who are you and what are you doing back here?” Was this rather imposing individual a fan? Caleb had the vaguish sense of recognition, but he couldn’t quite place the face.

“To answer your first question: I am the man who now owns this hotel. As to your second question: I was waiting for you. I confess I presumed I would have to wait longer. You seem like a man who enjoys a good party.” Caleb felt sure he’d misheard. Probably staring into the man’s intense dark eyes had momentary confused him. Or maybe the slight Russian accent had thrown him.

“You own this hotel?” That was impossible. This man was clearly a ghost. Not only could he see Caleb, but he’d gotten to the green room without being noticed. A man this size could not have snuck past anyone.

“Yes, the legal documents are right there if you do not believe me.” Caleb grabbed the papers off the table. They certainly looked official, not that he would have known if they weren’t. In life Caleb’s lawyer had handled these sorts of things.

“Ghosts can’t own hotels.” Buying buildings took money and bank accounts, even Caleb knew that much. Both things were hard to come by without a pulse. The man, however, shrugged as if it were of little matter.

“They can if they have lifers in their employ and the savvy to make the most out of the gifts death has granted us. It is remarkable the fortune one can amass, merely by spying on certain bankers, wall street day traders, and CEOs. But I did not come here to bore you with drawn out stories of my business empire. I am here to offer you the opportunity to become part of it.”

Caleb blinked. That was a surprising offer. He wasn’t sure who this man was, but if he thought Caleb would be caught dead in a business office, he had another think coming.

“I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place. I couldn’t imagine a more boring fate than spying on hedge fund managers for eternity.” The man didn’t seem at all perturbed by Caleb’s denial. In fact he cracked a small smile.

“You misunderstand me. I would never dream of asking a man of your talents to waste his time skulking around boardrooms. What I had in mind was you becoming my partner in running this club.” If Caleb had had a beating heart, he was certain that offer would have made it stop.

“Club?” The giant’s smile grew another half an inch. Caleb silently cursed himself. He was being too obvious with his interest.

“Yes. The Hollywood Ghost Club. We will close this section off from the main hotel, leaving only one clandestine entrance for the VIP lifers.” Caleb’s head was spinning. It was every fantasy he’d had since returning to the land of the living. But that was impossible.

“Lifers? I thought you said it was going to be a Ghost Club.” A ghost club Caleb could understand. A more polished version of what Caleb was running now.

“Only in that it will be run and staffed by ghosts. The audience, though, will be lifers of the highest caliber who will pay handsomely for the privilege of watching you perform.” Caleb’s stomach dropped in disappointment. He should have known it was too good to be true.

“Except they won’t be able to see me or the band. You do recall the little issue of us being invisible to them?” Caleb was probably being more sarcastic than was wise, but he didn’t care. He didn’t like being teased with his dream and then having it yanked away.

“You did not seem to have any trouble being seen this afternoon.” For a long moment Caleb had no words. How did this man know about the park? Caleb hadn’t even told Delilah yet. He suddenly felt uneasy. Had this stranger been spying on him?

“That was a fluke. I don’t know how it happened.” There was no way he was mentioning Alex. He had no idea who this man was or if his stated intentions were genuine. Caleb was dead, and thus relatively safe from harm, but the boy wasn’t.

The man cocked his head to the side and Caleb had the strangest sensation he had just been tested. Whether he’d passed or failed in the stranger’s estimation was anyone’s guess.

“Mr. Covington, do not be coy. We both are aware it had to do with the child. Alex, is it not? A fine name for a boy, I think.” Caleb didn’t have blood, but he could swear he felt it drain from his face. Was that a threat? If the behemoth even considered harming Alex, Caleb would find a way to destroy him.

“What exactly are you suggesting? That I kidnap a four-year old from his bed every night so he can play with me at the club?” Caleb scrutinized the man closely, watching for any hint of ill intent. He saw none. The giant stayed in his seat, posture relaxed as he shook his large head.

“No. The opposite, in fact. One of the conditions of you accepting this deal would be your ending your association with the child.” The gears turning in Caleb’s mind ground to a halt. Whatever direction he’d assume the conversation would take, it hadn’t been that.

“Excuse me?” End his association with Alex? That was...unthinkable. He felt like hitting the stranger for even suggesting it. Odd because he wasn’t generally a man given to violent impulses. Well...except where Greg Mercer was concerned, but given enough time with the man most everyone would feel that way.

“Do not worry, you do not need the child to be seen. Your connection allowed you to reveal a power that was already within you. The ability is rare, but the energy required to use it can be acquired in other ways.” Caleb was simultaneously intrigued and offended. Yes, he was desperate to learn how to be visible to lifers, but the statement seemed to imply that’s all Alex was to him.

“That’s not the only reason I spend time with Alex.” Caleb would never be so dishonest as to claim the abilities that came with the relationship weren’t a draw, but there was so much more to it than that. Alex filled a hole Caleb had never realized he’d had in him.

Once again he felt the man appraising him. Staring into his eyes as if to discover the secrets of Caleb’s soul. After a moment the giant nodded.

“You are genuinely fond of the boy. I can empathize. It is natural in circumstances like yours, but for your sake, as well as his, you must sever that connection as soon as possible.” That gave Caleb pause. The man’s tone seemed sympathetic, though Caleb was quite aware of how easy that was to fake.

“Why?” What harm could possibly be done to either of them? Alex strengthened Caleb, he was sure of it. He brought him peace and joy. And hadn’t Caleb improved the child’s life as well? Hadn’t he prevented Alex’s father from grinding his son down? Hadn’t he arranged for the boy to pursue his own passions? Hadn’t he taught Alex about music and more importantly about self-confidence?

“What do you know about ‘unfinished business’?” Caleb frowned, unsure where this was heading.

“I’m told the reason ghosts don’t ‘cross over’ when they die is that there is something they left undone in their lifetimes. If they complete whatever task they need to, then they vanish, to whatever awaits them on the other side.” Caleb suppressed a shudder. Crossing over was something he had absolutely no interest in. Even if his parents had been wrong and hellfire wasn’t waiting for him, what was the best he could hope for? It wasn’t like he had anyone potentially waiting for him. Anyone he missed and wanted to be reunited with. What else could heaven hold for him? Wings? A harp? An eternity of serenity? Caleb would pass on that fate, thank you very much.

“Precisely. I do not know what your unfinished business may be, but I can tell you with certainty it is connected to your Alex. The more time you spend with him, the more you risk your existence. Even if that weren’t a concern, you do understand the boy is a lifer. He will eventually die and at present you have no way of ensuring he will return as a ghost.”

Caleb felt his throat close up. The man was right. Alex would die. That shouldn’t be news to Caleb. Intellectually he must have known it, and yet he had never considered it. Alex was so young and Caleb hadn’t really spent much time pondering his own immortality.

Ghosts were uncommon. The small number he’d found in LA told him that. He could be grieving Alex for millennia. Suddenly Caleb remembered something the man said and latched onto it like a drowning man to a buoy.

“At present?” What did that mean? Was it possible to ensure Alex would return as a ghost when he died?

“I can teach you how to bind his soul to yours so that when he does pass on, he will be tethered to you, here in this plane. In the end you’ll have everything you want.”

Caleb thought he’d been tempted before, but now he understood the expression ‘I’d give my right arm for _________.’ A club of his own. A live audience. Alex with him forever.

But he would have to leave him. Leave Alex. He’d miss everything. Watching Alex grow from boy to man. Caleb would be unable to celebrate his successes with him. He would be barred from consoling Alex through his hardships. He’d have to look in Alex’s tearful face and tell him he wasn’t ever coming back.

“I can’t. I can’t just abandon him. It would break his heart.” No. He couldn’t do that. Nothing was worth that.

“What if I told you I could take that pain from him? Lock the memories of you away in his mind. Let him live a normal life. He would not have to grieve you, and when the time is right you could open that box and be joyfully reunited.”

Caleb tried to think rationally, but it was difficult with the pain emanating from his chest. Alex forgetting Caleb would hurt Caleb deeply, but would it hurt Alex? You can’t miss what you’d don’t remember. And loath as Caleb was to admit it, the man wasn’t wrong about a ‘normal life.’

Typically Caleb scoffed at the term ‘normal’, but he was aware it was what most people wanted. By staying in Alex’s life, Caleb would be denying the boy any hope of that. If the incident at the park was any indication it was already creating tension between Alex and his peers. It would only get worse as the boy got older. Forcing Alex to keep a secret of this magnitude would eat at him. The cookie incident was proof of that fact.

He couldn’t decide. He needed time to think. Time to determine if the offer was even genuine.

“Why me? I’m sure there have been other performers over the years who would have leapt at this offer.” How many people had they asked before him? Why had they turned it down? What had happened to them after they did?

“Los Angeles has seen many talented ghosts, but you have more than just talent. You also have intelligence, ambition, and power. It is a rare combination. We have been looking to establish a club here in Hollywood for some time, but we needed someone special to run it.”

Caleb pondered that ringing endorsement for a moment. How much was true and how much was the man blowing smoke up his ass? Intelligence and ambition? In less than a year Caleb had managed to lay the foundation for a ghost business. His was the only such place in town. Objectively he had to admit that spoke to his drive. Power? He’d discovered for himself his abilities were unusual, especially for a ghost as young as he was. The club only worked if lifers were able to watch the performances. If the man was to be believed Caleb had the ability to make that happen. Perhaps the man was being sincere after all.

“Are there other Ghost Clubs?” The way the man spoke suggested he’d struck this arrangement at least once before. Los Angeles was relatively young in comparison to other cities around the world. Surely some of them had to have established clubs already in place.

“Rome. Paris. London, Madrid. Moscow. Berlin. Buenos Aires. Tokyo. Hong Kong. Cairo. Athens. The list goes on. Ghost Club performers routinely swap venues. You can travel the world. Be worshipped by fans from every major country.” It was funny he hadn’t even considered travelling since rematerializing in LA. Now that it was offered to him though, it was an extremely tempting prospect. There had to be a catch. Things that were too good to be true usually were.

“You said there was more than one condition. What were the others?” The big man motioned Caleb to sit opposite him. He’d never stood when Caleb had entered and had let Caleb have the physical high ground up until this moment. Was that deliberate? Allowing Caleb to feel more secure? In control of the situation? This though, suggested they had entered a new phase. The business deal.

“The second is very simple. If you come across any exceptionally powerful spirits, you contact us. We are always on the lookout for new talent.” Caleb nodded once. The request made sense. It wasn’t like there were ghost Help Wanted ads. Some kind of headhunting model would be the only way a ghost organization could find suitable personnel. Caleb himself must have reported by someone, and now he was being offered the opportunity of an afterlife.

“What else?” There had to be more to it than simply picking up the phone from time to time.

“The third condition is that you will take responsibility for the ghosts of Los Angeles.” Caleb was not thrilled with the sound of that.

“In what respect?” Was he supposed to be some kind of undead mayor? Hear grievances. Mitigate petty squabbles? Where was he supposed to find the time, not to mention the patience, if he was running the club?

The man steepled his fingered and fixed Caleb with a penetrating stare. He tried not to be intimidated, but it was unsettling.

“It is crucial to the survival of all ghosts that we remain urban legends. Myths. Stories the world at large scoffs at. We can not afford to become a widely acknowledged reality.” Caleb raised his eyebrows. That didn’t jibe with what he’d already been told.

“You said the guests of the club would be lifers.” If they didn’t know the performers were ghosts, then why would they pay such extravagant fees?

“Select lifers, yes, but we have ways of ensuring their silence. The public at large can not gain proof that we are as real as they are. It would be a disaster. History has proven time and time again that whenever two groups come into contact with one another it only ends one way. War. Sometimes even extinction of one of the sides.” Caleb couldn’t argue with that thinking. Hating the other was something humanity always seemed to excel at.

“What would I be expected to do?” Hopefully the man had the means to enforce this code, because nothing in Caleb’s current repertoire would be much good subduing another ghost.

“Deal with any ghosts who threatens to expose us. How will be up to your discretion as long as the issue is contained. There are skills I will teach you to bring recalcitrant spirits to heel. No one minds a little innocent haunting. A light switch flickering. The car horn beeping. But things on a larger scale, for insistence on your little performance today, would need to be curtailed.”

That gave Caleb pause. It hadn’t crossed his mind that he’d already broken the man’s policy. Twice actually if you counted his possession of Greg Mercer. He pondered mentioning that incident, then decided against. If the man didn’t know, Caleb wasn’t going to risk the deal by telling him.

“Anything else?” The third condition would be a hassle, but considering what he would be getting in return, it was worth the price.

“One last thing. We would need to establish a soul link.” That sounded very new age, but Caleb suspected it was not.

“What is that?” The giant leaned forward, somehow sensing Caleb’s reluctance despite his poker face. Perhaps this was the least attractive condition for the other potential club owners as well. Undoubtedly it was why he saved it for last.

“It is an energy channel. I put my mark on you and I have the ability to tap into your energy reserves if necessary. You, in turn, will establish your own links with less powerful spirits and be able to siphon some of their energy.” Caleb suddenly had an image of the symbol that had appeared on Alex’s head when Caleb had kissed him. Had he already forged one of these ‘soul links’? His stamina had increased since that day. Was that as a result of his constant practicing, or had he been unintentionally stealing energy from Alex?

“Do they hurt?” Alex hadn’t experienced any pain, if anything he’d seemed comforted by it.

“They can be uncomfortable when they are first laid. Beyond that, it is about intention. The kind I will establish with you and that you will make with your fellow performers will be unnoticeable most of the time. It’s only when you draw on an extreme amount of energy that those with your mark will feel any effects. This is why it is important to have as many soul links as possible. The more ghosts, the less power each has to contribute.”

That made sense. Alex usually became sleepy after Caleb performed tricks for him, but Caleb had just assumed it was because he was a young growing boy who needed naps.

“But there are other kinds of links?” The ‘intention’ comment hadn’t escaped Caleb. Caleb’s intention had been benevolent when he’d kissed Alex, ergo his mark shouldn’t harm the boy. That was comforting. What wasn’t comforting was the implication that marks could hurt ghosts.

“It is possible to lay marks that will drain a spirit’s energy completely.” Completely? What did that mean?

“What happens to those spirits?” What happened when a ghost’s energy reached zero?

“They are completely absorbed by the mark-layer.” Dead. That’s what the man was saying. Ghosts could kill each other. Perfect. So much for his earthly cares being over.

“Sounds a bit like ghost cannibalism.” The giant nodded, as if conceding the point.

“I suppose it does. However, there are dangerous spirits in the world and sometimes extreme measures are necessary to deal with them.” Caleb finally understood. Not only was he potentially going to one day face spirits that could end his existence, he was expected to be ready and willing to do the same to them.

“I see.” Caleb couldn’t help but feel doubt. Before this had been a hard decision, but now it was an impossible one. Caleb had no idea if he could hold up his end of the deal if he accepted. He was many things, but a killer? He just didn’t know.

“I’m sure this is very overwhelming, but think about what you’ll be getting out of this bargain. Your own club, designed exactly to your specifications. A suite in this hotel all to yourself where no lifer or ghost will ever trespass. The opportunity to perform before packs houses around the globe. The chance to one day spend an eternity with your Alex. Not to mention the opportunity to learn tricks like this.”

The man waved his hand and suddenly Caleb’s wardrobe had completely changed. Gone was his magician’s garb, which after wearing it for most of the year, even Caleb was a bit tired of. Instead he found himself in a very familiar looking black suit. It wasn’t contemporary, but from Caleb’s time. There was even a pocket watch. He looked down at the magazine on the table. Of course. He’d worn this suit in the photo shoot.

The giant wasn’t done. Another wave of his hand and two brandy glasses appear on the table. Caleb blinked. That was new. Moving an existing object was one thing but conjuring drinks and, dare he hope, food was quite another.

“May I?” Caleb nodded at the glasses. He’d eaten and drunk nothing since his death. The need wasn’t there anymore, but the longing was.

“Of course.” The man picked his own glass and raised it. Caleb followed suit. “Do smerti!”

They clicked their drinks and Caleb sipped. It was exactly as he remembered. The taste. The warm feeling spreading through his limbs. Incredible.

“What did that toast mean?” He was fairly certain it was Russian, but beyond that he had no clue.

“‘To death.’ Typically my people toasted to heath, but in our cases, ‘death’ seemed more appropriate. What do you say Mr. Covington? Will you accept my deal?”

It was a lot, everything he’d learned in the last few minutes. Everything he’d been offered. He appreciated how the man had answered all his questions. He’d been as upfront about the drawbacks as he had the incentives.

“I’d say it’s an offer I can’t refuse.” Perhaps if he were another type of man he’d walk away from this opportunity. Be satisfied with what he had, and accept its limitations. Caleb, however, was not that type of man and never had been. He’d risk anything if it meant he could have everything.

“Excellent.” The man extended his hand to Caleb and after only a moment’s pause Caleb took it. The moment his hand made contact, he felt a brief burning sensation on his wrist. When he pulled back to look, he saw a dark red circle and within the circle what seemed to be an upside down capital L followed by an uppercase P. Odd. After a few seconds it sunk into his wrist and disappeared. Caleb rubbed the spot, the pain fading as quickly as it had come.

“It just occurred to me. We’ve just established this ‘soul link’ and I don’t even know your name.” The man grinned wider than he had at any other point in the conversation. Caleb suddenly had the unnerving impression that it was less of a smile, and more of a wolf baring its teeth.

“Grigori. Gregori Yefimovich Rasputin.”

#caleb covington #jatp fanfiction #julie and the phantoms fanfiction #julie and the phantoms #jatp #jatp netflix #alex mercer #jatp fanfic

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drkcnry67 · 4 years ago

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let us have delayed fun!

title: Let Us Have Delayed Fun

pairing: Jensen x reader

fluff 2020 sq: delayed flights

kink 2020 sq: masturbation

rating: 18+

tags: heavy flirtation, some dirty dancing type thing, discreet sexual acts in public, guy fingering girl discreetly on the dancefloor in crowd of people, guy fingering girl in a crowded elevator

summery: not telling

created for @spnfluffbingo @spnkinkbingo

fluff 2020 masterlist part 1 kink 2020 masterlist

it hadnt been very long, actually but an hour since you both had set eyes on eachother. departing at the security gate you both went to wait for your respected flights home but after an hour a storm warning delayed all the outgoing flights.

you both took your luggage and had the same idea, give the attendants your phone numbers to be alerted when the flights are ready to leave again, head to the nearest hotel and drink/dance the hours away…

this hotel just happened to be the same damn hotel (hyatt regency orlando international airport hotel) for it was just outside the hotel that you heard your name being called.

Jensen: “YN… YN wait up!”

you turned around to be face to face once more with Jensen… it was torture but it was better than being alone…

Jensen: “thank goodness i caught up to you… i have been screaming your name for the entire walk from the desk in the airport to here…”

YN: “sorry i had ear buds in… let me guess your flight got delayed too..?”

jensen: “yes it did, how bout to save money we share a room… it would be a whole hell of a lot less boring…”

YN: “why not but we need to go dancing, i am gonna go stir crazy if i dont fall to a beat…”

Jensen: “it will happen, but first i think we need to get into something hot and sexy to blend in at the club…”

you nod as Jensen with his suitcase comes beside you and your suitcase both of you walking into the hotel.

desk personal: “can i help you?”

Jensen: “yes we would like to check in, our flights got delayed…”

Desk personal: “i will need a name to charge the room under as well a card to charge it too…”

Jensen with his dashing smile pulled out his wallet and took out one of his cards.

Jensen: “name is Jensen Ackles. and ill charge this to Visa please. and make sure the room is non smoking with a balcony.”

Desk Personal: “of course mr Ackles. please tap when your ready and one of you will need to sign this agreement its just a standard agreement saying you wont destroy the rooms or anything like that…”

You looked at Jensen and then you took the pen and signed the paper…

YN: “we are just smart enough to wait somewhere comfortable till this storm passes… however long it takes… we dont care…”

Desk personal: “ah yes well storms usually last about 2-3 days depending on the level of the storm. it will be a while so yes you both are very smart in waiting someplace comfortable. now here is your room key you are in room 405 enjoy your stay and welcome to the Hyatt regency Orlando international airport hotel.”

you take the room key and shove it in the corner of your bra so you can take your suitcase in one hand while Jensen take your hand with his free hand. he keeps eyeing you, like he wants to jump you right then right there.

Jensen: “you know if you wear something with easy access you and i will have some fun on the dancefloor. some very heated decreet fun..”

he flashed you another one of his charming smiles. this made your knees feel week. both of you got into the elevator pushing the button to go to the floor to go to your room.

YN: “there is a club down the road calld Noches Azul, i hear its a popular and amazing place for those who like to move with the beat of their own drum.”

Jensen: “then we shall dress to the appropriate color too… ladies first.”

he says as the elevator doors opened. you walked out first and started down the hall slowly till Jensen stepped off the elevator then it was fair game you turned and blew him a kiss before taking off down the hall.

Jensen dropped his luggage beside yours in front of your door and pursured you, when he caught you he picked you up bridal style before reaching in to grab the key card out of your bra with his teeth.

then using your free hand you slid it in the door Jensen used his elbow to push the door open. he carried you placing you on the bed placing ferverous kisses all over your body.

this continued for several moments before you both pulled back and smiled.

YN: “if we dont get off of this bed we wont make it dancing… we want to have some discreet fun dont we?”

Jensen groaned at you, but of course he knew you were right…

Jensen: “your right. so what are you wearing tonight?”

YN: “stay right here and ill show you…”

you go into the other room away from Jensen’s view and you put on the little blue dress you had found at the airport. it just happened to fit the bill… once the dress was on you put all your stuff nice-ishly back where it was.

YN: “Jensen play Sexy Back… i want to see your reaction to me in this dress with this song.”

you listen for the start of the song, it starts and you wait for the bridge, where you begin to move slowly then you began to move into view along the wall when the chorus started.

as you continued to move your body on the corner of the wall you watched Jensen’s eyes not leave your form. you could see the lust in his eye, you could see the way his lips curled and the way he licked his lips. it turned you on so bad.

Jensen: “when did you pick this little number up?”

YN: “at the airport after i passed security, i went to grab a snack and came out with this dress. what do you think?”

Jensen: “i love it, it is exactly what will help this night to go smoothly. as well as it just looks smashing on you.”

Jensen had already stopped the song, you continued to stand against the wall, but Jensen figured he had to find something hot for himself to wear. you waited paitently for him to come back wearing the navy shirt along with some Jeans.

you let out a whistle for that shirt brought out his features very well. you had your leather jacket on the couch near by, Jensen had his in hand as well, you handed him your id to keep in his wallet along with the key card.

in moments you were off walking through the small area to the club. where you both would dance and dance till your hearts content or till you both felt so hot and heavy that it would be beneficial if you were anywhere but there.

arriving you both showd your id and were let inside. you both checked your jackets and Jensen stuck the check stubs in his wallet. you both went straight to the dance floor. you were glued to Jensen like a dirty shirt.

no one would dare to mess with either of you. finding a nice darkish spot on the dancefloor private enough for some “secret” fun.

both of you now taking part in the music, the beat coursing through your forms, your shared forms blending not missing a single beat no one around you paid any attention.

under the dimest spotlight there was, you and Jensen now stood making yourselves as comfortable as could be. the beat taking over, the feeling of Jensen’s hands roaming your body, this made your pussy very very wet.

Jensen(whispering in your ear): “grind my fingers baby keep dancing.”

you did as commanded, you were so wet and had orgasmed 5 times by the time the song was done. thats when Jensen pulled his fingers back again before you could orgasm again, he once more leaned down to whisper.

Jensen (whispering): “squirt for me baby!”

Jensen once more dipped his fingers hard into your soaking wet pussy. the silent moans, the rest of the club clueless as fuck and the feeling of Jensen’s fingers diving deeper and deeper into your pussy.

your body kept moving trying to contain any signs that you were discreetly being masturbated by a man you have only known for a month. this was your normal, this felt right in more ways than one.

Jensen had been there for you from the first day you met him. till now you had been completely alone, no man had entered your life long enough to even have your first kiss, long enough to ever make it as far as you had with Jensen. to be feeling these feelings made you wonder if he felt it to.

truth was he was completely feeling the same thing you were this was how you first swiruted, this was the man you knew was to be your present as well as your future.

in that moment you didnt care, you knew eventually your flights would take you both home seperately and probably your paths would never cross again. but in this moment it felt like heaven on earth.

Jensen hit one sweet spot and you squirted, discreetly you and Jensen giggling and smiling walked out of that club as fast as possible remembering to grab your coats on the way out.

arriving outside the club and walking back to the hotel you both laughed, for it was to be destiny that would give you both the biggest surprise ever.

arriving back at the hotel you both stumble up to the room, shutting the door again ending up in eachothers arms on the bed, the clothes you guys had been wearing were now all over the floor, and both of you were now cuddled in bed having just done sex for what felt like the millionth time during this entire trip.

reality started to sink in when the phone calls came in 6 hours later, this was when it sunk in. both of you looked at the clock it read 3:30am this was the time that the delay was no more. this was when you were both disturbed to get up get repacked and get ready for your flights home.

Jensen: “ill never forget the time we spent together. i left you something in your suitcase. you will find it and know what it means when the time comes. i also took down your address and phone number ill be sending you little things to show you i havent forgotten.”

YN: “i feel the same way but once we leave here, why would you waste time on a non celeb like me. i mean sure maybe our friends set us up but we wont know that till we confront them. i should have said this sooner but before i get on this plane there is something you should know. i think i have fallen for you. but i know not what to think at this moment. i took down your number as well, please understand that i may not communicate right away but thats cause i have a best friend whose anxiously awaiting my return home.”

Jensen: “same here, but please let me know when you do arrive home. i would like to know you arrived safely.”

Jensen helped you once more by helping you with your bags as he walked by your side to the airport and up to the check in once more to get your updated tickets and then it was time to part once more in such sweet sorrow.

you and jensen let go of your bags and hugged it out once more before parting to your respected gates. but you whispered in his ear when you hugged him.

YN: “i will let you know when im back on home soil. i will always remember your touch.”

Jensen and you parted and went on your way. arriving home you sent Jensen a text.

YN (texting Jensen): “hey Jensen its YN. i am back on home soil and i already miss your embrace. i am heading to baggage to collect my luggage, then to meet my best friend in the lobby. home hasnt changed. let me know when you land and what your seeing too. ill look forward to being in more correspondance with you soon <3″

you grabbed your bag and went down the escalator straight into the arms of your best friend. you broke down as soon as you hit her embrace. she just stood there hugging you not caring that either of you were in public, you both stood there as you cried.

Beth: “what happened girl?”

YN: “long story short the trip was amazing, but i fear i have fallen in love with someone i might never seen again. i missed you.”

Beth: “come on lets get you out of here and back home.”

you both exited the airport and went back home. later when you were alone you looked at your phone and saw a messgae from jensen.

Jensen (via text): “hey beautiful i made it home to, i know how you feel, it feels weird to be home again. my best friend is waiting i just grabbed my luggage. i hope everything goes well. till we speak again. i miss you too <3″

that was the message that sent you into a suspended sleep your bestie crawled into bed after she was done her work. she didnt care that you were passed out. she was just happy that you were home.

Jensen had a similar greeting from his best friend and returned home to his large and half empty bed also falling into a suspended sleep all he could think about was you.

*to be continued*

#spnfluffbingo #spnkinkbingo

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skittles1229 · 4 years ago

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Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They knew me better then i know myself.

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time.

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't. Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald.

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters.

i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night.

i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way.

before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

#dashiegames #dashiexp #dashie x reader #fanfictions #fanfic #self insert #romance

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oh-theatre · 5 years ago

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Dearest Divine

A/n: I honestly don't know where this came from, I just was in the mood for some angst and also logicality so...this! Also, Objection will be posted tomorrow I just needed to get this out

words: 1574

summary: Logan opens a letter long-awaited

pairings: Logicality, background prinxiety

warnings: implied death, implied illness, angst, swearing

Ao3 Link

“You still haven't read it?” Virgil questions, Logan sighs getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over. The party had gotten quite loud, and a little too much for Logan's taste. He was also gaining quite bored with the rich facade as if anyone in this room actually cared about the charity and weren't just here to look pretty.

“Don't pressure him Virge” Roman reprimands his husband, examining the room with a drink in one hand and Virgil's hand in his other. “He will read it when he is ready” That doesn't help, he should be ready, Virgil is right.

“Ro, it's been two years” Virgil reminds, Logan wonders when he should begin to tune them out. “Would you wait for two years?” Roman scoffs, Virgil waits expectantly.

“No! But that's because I'm impatient, and Logan is different and…” He trails off watching Logan, the man's eyes were glazed over, thinking of anything else. “Look what you've done” Roman whispers, Virgil hits him softly.

“I didn't do anything” He responds, he snaps carefully in Logan's face, grounding the intellectual. “I'm sorry L, we will stop talking about it” Virgil promises, Logan wants to thank them but shakes his head.

“Sorry boys, but I'm growing bored of the tiresome event, I think I'm going to take my leave” Logan announces, Roman and Virgil share a concerned look. “It's been...an evening” He decides, he starts to leave quickly stopped by the pair.

“Where do you think you're going?” Virgil inquires, Logan raises an eyebrow. “Dude, you have to be here. It's for you…” He gestures towards the poster, another thing Logan hated. The smiling face, the frozen blue eyes, fake...all of it.

“It's for money” He corrects, though he feels awful he’ll apologize to his friends in the morning. “He...wouldn't want any of this” Logan claims, Roman sighs, his demeanor softening. Virgil huffs, folding his arms. “I'm going home” He finalizes. He begins his way to the door, grabbing his coat.

“You don't know that!” Virgil cries, his voice almost carries but the guests turn back to their own affairs. Logan spins on his heel, his face kept even, a steady lock keeping his emotions in check. Virgil and Roman catch up to him. “Even if it is for money, the money is going to the cause. And yeah, he wouldn't want it for himself but for everyone else?” Virgil had a point, and evidence to back it up. “You two would throw events like this all the time, all going to a different equally important cause”

“Yes but-” Logan begins but Virgil isn't done.

“Let them do this for you, ignore the fancy dresses, the drunken groups…” Virgil's slows, a supportive smile. Logan eyes the crowd, the singing, the dancing, the hyenas tearing each other apart at the auction. No one batting an eye at the issue, they're not doing this for him.

“Goodnight Virgil” Logan gives it one last look before making his way out the door, the cool air filled with city silence hitting him instantly. Driving home, listening to soft classical music and the hum of the air conditioner used to be pleasant. Now it was a chore and every small thing annoyed him. Arriving home, he parked the car lazily slumping into the house. Purposely ignoring the incessant amount of calls from his friends.

The house felt empty, which it wasn't. Far from it, lined with carefully picked furniture, and the constant flash of soothing warm colors was no accident. Everything was there, missing only the fresh smell of cooking that typically was wafting from the kitchen.

Usually, if Logan simply threw his coat down, he would be reminded to hang it up. But now, it would lay there until Logan found the energy to hang it up. It was almost sad how desperate he was for anything because he used to beg for silence, peace...now he wanted anything but. Virgil was right in a sense, those parties were their trademark. But he knew, when they threw them, they meant more than a gathering to show off how much money one had.

Picking himself off the couch, he hoisted himself to his office. The office was always the one place he was alone, no matter what. It wasn't a rule but it was respected, he always made sure of that. Now the entire house was like that and the office was the only place it felt normal. Logan had to wonder why he insisted the room be lit solely by candles, but the amber warmth was something he never regretted. However, the dusty envelope on his desk left untouched was something he regretted. He refused to move it.

“Read the letter Logan,” He told himself, the gold stamp now shining duller than ever. He sits now, tracing his fingers alongside the handcrafted chair. It could be early morning or mid-afternoon and Logan wouldn't be able to tell. That was the beauty, the selling point of his office. Time stood still, it was just him and his pens, the pile of books and drafts sitting next to him. The coaster where the occasional tea would sit, though it hadn't seen a stain in years, Logan's tea just wasn't as good. “Just do it” He pushes. As he had done so many times before, he took the letter opening, examining his wriggled reflection. Except for this time it was different, he took it one step further. His hands shook as he blew the dust off the envelope, holding it perfectly still after. He slides the opener under a slit, running it along, the sound of separation piercing. And then it was open. He wasted no time pulling out the paper, and unfolding it, the last thing to do was to read it.

Dearest Divine,

Oh, this was not going to be easy, Logan concluded, taking a breath before continuing.

Take your time. I know a part of you will be itching to rip open the letter but wait. Not too long, just until you're ready.

Logan smiled, it's small and almost missed but its there.

Remember when we took that walk around the park? It was very late, and you warned against it. What was it that you said?

“We could be kidnapped, or worse killed” Logan remembers, as he reads the same words on the page.

But then we took the walk anyway, and we saw the most adorable puppy. We sat in the grass for just a little while and watched the stars. And you told me about the constellations, the stories and the names, and the most beautiful ones. You told me which was your favorite...

“Microscopium” Logan barely whispered it had been crossed out and rewritten, the dry stain revealing a misspelling of the word.

See? I listen. I personally like ‘Pictor’.

“Painters ease” Logan sighed, it was simple but sweet.

After that, I did try to listen but you just looked so entranced. Has anyone ever told you that your eyes sparkle?

“Only you” Logan replied, only slightly hoping for a response

I could listen to you talk about stars forever, because you are my star

Guess you really can write as you speak, Logan had always wondered whether that was possible.

Logan my love, my life I know you're fighting, you're fighting so hard. But there's only so much you can do, I know it's hard to believe but the doctors are trying.

It was faint but Logan squinted swearing he could see something, investigating further it had appeared the remnants of a small drop of liquid had seeped the letter. A tear Logan presumed, as soon as he saw it, it became more prominent as if it had surfaced. Odd, but then it grew. A moment of panic set in as he realized the tears present on his own face, tickling his cheeks as they trickled down.

“Oh goodness” He rushes dabbing the paper softly with the ends of his shirt, this was it, this was all he had he couldn't destroy it. Wiping away his tears, keeping the letter further away for safety he continued.

Lo, when I'm gone...don't push them away. I know it'll hurt but you need them. They love you and whether you care to admit it, you love them. And they'll need you, they are going to be hurting, you will be trapped in your own grief as the rest of the world pushes forward, don't do it alone.

He really did owe Virgil and Roman quite the apology.

I'm so lucky to have loved you and to have felt your love in return. Someday soon someone else will get to experience it, and it's magical. You love so deep and so true, it makes me wonder what I did to deserve you.

“What you did to deserve me? Isn't that my line?” Logan wonders, he's not sure to who but a small part had always wished he was still here.

I love you so much starlight, you were and always will be my love. From the moment we met at the gala, to the promises we exchanged in whispers, to the everlasting love even through our darkest times, I love you.

“I love you” Logan had not dared uttered those words since his passing, they were simply reserved for only him, it felt like something had unlocked in him.

Yours forever and always, Patton

#tw angst #tw death #tw death mention #logicality #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #prinxiety #sanders sides #thomas sanders #youtube #writing #my writing #ao3 #archive of our own

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citialiin · 4 years ago

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FIVE SONGS

list five songs associated with your muse and its meaning to them as a character, or to you as the writer. this can be applied in-character or out-of-character. it can go as deep as looking at the song’s real-world origins or meaning along with the themes it carries to the muses’ story, values, or experiences, or as simple as if your muse would listen to this kind of music, or even if you just listen to these pieces for inspiration.

TAGGED BY: @dansiere, who did such a good detailed job they even included an “honorable mentions list” ? i am embarrassed to type mine out now TAGGING: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @dirtyfilthysunshine @prcphesise @hyakiru @foxcharmed

01. kaun komsott - ros sereysothea

this song actually lyrically has absolutely nothing to do with ziggy !!!! kaun komsott / កូនកំសត់ actually just means “poor/pitiful child” it’s just a khmer dub of a song from a taiwanese movie lol but i feel like this is the kind of music he would listen to that made him fall in love with, like ... humanity, as dumb as that sounds. it’s time period appropriate (late 60s/early to mid 70s), the song is really good and it’s SO emotional. i could see him sitting in the apartment of his bandmates after being “found” and they teach him how to use the record player and he sits there going through each and every record they have and listening to this and its like the fucking scene in ratatootie where the goddamn rat can visualize tastes as colors but he would be so enamored with the song he would see it in colors or something i dunno. something has definitely fucking happened to my brain because ever since nat and alex and i rewatched ratatootie we keep referencing it for our characters. anyways i ended up using an instrumental of kaun komsott in the final film i made as the song that plays during the end. so this song just also means a lot to me because it’s part of how i made this character and the film/story i animated to go along with him, i am sure you are all absolutely sick of hearing me talk about it <3

02. who can i be now - daveed booweyywywy now you found me, now can I be real? can I be real? if it’s all a vast creation / putting on a face that’s new someone has to see / a role for him and me someone might as well be you

one of z’s most obvious character motifs is figuring out self identity through adopting different guises. he markets himself as being so overly confident and almost arrogantly certain of himself -- rock god space idol whatever -- as his own way of learning who he thinks he might be underneath it all. i think at first it started off a little innocuous, a ‘ fake it till u make it ’ thing at the least and maybe more obviously a ‘ im not a human so i have to pretend to be someone else ’ deal, but over time it became almost all consuming and just obliterated all his previously held sense of self in favor of some weirdly demented version of who he wanted to be. 683 starts off with the same core personality traits as ziggy: maybe he’s a little vain, a little selfish, but he’s very interested in creativity/self-expression and he wants to be thought of as a unique individual and appreciated for his differences. but the difference is that 683 isnt an arrogant asshole who has no regard for other people in the slightest. so yeah ... who can u be now ... is it worth it to adopt a different guise or should he go through the effort of figuring out what parts of his personality were corroded by human influence and what parts are genuinely him? my big endgame thoughts for his story would be that he eventually just decides to retire from the public eye and fucks off entirely. this would be over the course of a long long long time -- maybe he has a good 20 yr run in the industry -- but there are some things about him he has to deal with (mental health issues, drug addiction, also the fact that you’re a freaky alien creature who doesnt age like a human so you’re physically like 46 and you still look like you’re 25?) so he inevitably decides he doesnt need the horrible pressure of fame and he ought to just live his life for himself. i think this would be a nice final song for him to sing/perform -- then he goes into the dressing room and cuts his hair and just vanishes. bye.

03. sunny afternoon - the kinks Help me, help me, help me sail away Well give me two good reasons why I oughta stay 'Cause I love to live so pleasantly Live this life of luxury Lazing on a sunny afternoon

1. i think this would sound A LITTLE like the kind of music he would write/play albeit i feel like his would be more exciting and have more samplings of like laser noises or pewpewpew or weird spaceship sounds BUT. its also pretty time period appropriate. even in “modern” verses ziggy is inexplicably obsessed with the 1970s, he likes bell bottoms and thinks groovy patterns are neat and he owns too many lava lamps. anywayz. 2. just the general idea of feeling unfulfilled with luxury -- even if ziggy enjoys his fame and wealth and the absolutely insane amount of pussy/dick he gets at some level he is still cognizantly aware of how weirdly empty he feels. he ditched atomina and came here because he felt unfulfilled and bored and unwanted. now he feels wanted (clearly, everyone loves him) and he feels entertained (earth is So Good at fun distractions) but his fulfillment still isnt quite there. he’s getting there -- but in exchange of being able to live this life of fame, he’s had to kind of change everything about himself and live this almost caricature version of himself, and he knows he cant keep it up forever. the luxury will run out one day and he’ll be a washup and no one cares about celebrities once they stop being hip. it is literally only a matter of time before ziggy has to find out who he is because no one can be a “rockstar” forever.

04. i hate jimmy page - mindless self indulgence SUCKAS CAN REACH OUT TOUCH ME EAT ME BITE DA FUTURE & FUCK DA PAST I'm lower than most animals and fear what might be weird and all those voices in my head have every right to be there i ain't a girl just cause i rock the boat i ain't a boy just cause i rock your world

i mean he does hate jimmy page but that’s beside the point. its just a good song about being a crazy rockstar and has the same Craziness that i feel like accompanies his character ... just go listen to it you will understand. there is nothing to explain here. even the lyric “ill show u how official midgets jack me off” like just accept it. it’s whatever but yeah i aint a girl i aint a boy ... i guess his gender (or lack thereof) never really comes up in rp but its still an important part of his character. if any of u guys ever call him a man in prose again ill kick ur ass. gender is like an accessory to him and he just takes whatever aspects of masculinity/femininity he prefers and discards everything else. to him he’s just as much a “man” or a “woman” as he is a “human” which is to say he isnt, at all, and he just pretends to be because he feels obligated to. also ziggy’s brain kind of sounds like this...just Noises. his brain sounds like a microwave that’s been going off for 26 years. i think his brain is a single uncooked pinto bean rolled in glitter that’s been left in a box with a cobweb

05. ghostride - crumb daydreaming I stay in the backseat / the slow beat rocks me back to sleep keeps me on automatic press my face up close against the glass i see the people when they pass they move so automatic you wake up when I go down / the radio reminds me I'm alive we've been hearing it all night

i care more about 683 on atomina than i do about ziggy on earth sometimes (BUT I CARE THEM BOTH. DO U?) so ... 683 feeling aimless and drifting but trying to find purpose through passion, a person, some sort of concrete meaning -- going through the motions of life makes him feel empty he spends almost every day going through the same toil while feeling guilty or like a burden and also feeling like he’s ultimately nothing more than a replaceable cog in a machine. his species had a near extinction = bottleneck which made them so genetically similar they’re almost clones of each other. no one ever seems to do anything wrong except him, he finds no joy or fulfillment in anything at all. all he ever wanted (which isnt a selfish desire at all) was to feel purpose, or feel wanted, or appreciated. inevitably he leaves because of his own imagination -- he yearns for something More, and he doesn’t know What, so he figured he ought to at least Try instead of waste his life away. also atomina is supposed to sound like “automatic.” do NOT make fun of my bad scifi. i am trying to mimic the way 1970s scifi is endearingly cheesy. come here. i just want to touch you with this knife. gently tho it wont go inside of you. bro you are bleeding. bro we are bleeding and i keep putting the knife in your soft parts.

#once again under the cut because i cant do memes without making them essays dawg!#i just have Things to say about zippy #also thank you so much for tagging me ... i know i take 200 years to do memes but i love them u_u #i did a meme like this earlier so i picked a new set of songs #KEEP YOUR 'LECTRIC EYE ON ME ; queue

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legion1993 · 5 years ago

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Let us have Delayed Fun