#guess I'll go cry some more | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thatgirl4815 · 1 year

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I love how, from Sand's perspective, Ray's behavior is getting more and more context. Sand just learned last episode about Ray's mom's alcoholism. He also learned that Ray blames himself for her depression. And now this episode, Sand watches him blow up at everyone and sabotage himself in the process...immediately followed by Ray attempting to drive off drunk.

It's frustrating because as viewers, we know that Ray's crush on Mew has a lot to do with how he views himself and his dependency issues. Of course, Ray won't admit to this, but I think Sand will slowly piece this together. He saw the way Ray spiraled at the end of this episode, and I think he was one of the only people who saw it for what it was: not simply an asshole ripping on his friends, but a broken guy in desperate need of help. Lashing out was one of Ray's only ways of expelling all the pent-up anger and sadness inside.

#guess I'll go cry some more #only friends the series #ofts #not excusing Ray's behavior but I do think it has much less to do with his friends and much more to do with Ray's own issues #only friends #sandray #raysand #sanray #raysan #sand x ray #ray x sand #san x ray #ray x san #firstkhaotung #first kanaphan #Khaotung thanawat #only friends episode 6

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fat-psychward-sockgrippussy333 · 7 months

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I am spiraling lol. Medical racism is such a killer tbh. Black people in rural southern areas deserve compensation for the options we have to deal with I swear😭

The only psychiatrist they have available is so evil and manipulative ( she's literally laughed about a patient who was in a crisis and wanting to kill themselves with a nurse- how I know this? She sometimes keeps the door wide open during sessions bc of this) and other darker instances as well but I cant get into allat rn🫠

The only counselor they have available spends the entire time talking about himself, his messy divorce, and "the crime in this area- Im scared to walk alone sometimes." which is super weird bc shit don't happen around here like that...

Cant even get a call back from the doctor to see about this lump on my body..... And yet these white doctors and nurses get newspaper headlines for traveling to and "making such an impact and difference in one of the poorest counties in IL."

Such. A. Fuckin.Killer.

#im so overwhelmed..#im so heartbroken #guess I'll just die then #anyway gonna go cry some more and nap #personal

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doveotion · 7 months

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genuinely didn't think I'd make it to 18 let alone 22 so now I'm looking around like..... Now What

#diary #um. sad rant i guess dont read if you're not in the headspace to take in negativity #i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like crying all the time and I'm always tired no matter how much i sleep and i love my family bu #sometimes i wish i just lived alone and didn't talk to anyone. i hate talking about my problems i hate everything about it #i dont want to be here. but i dont know where to go or how to move forward. i want to live but i dont really have that option #i feel so stuck right now.#i would say more but it would get sad really fast so I'll write it down maybe. or listen to some sad music and cry it out #genuinely thought about running away to like. Switzerland earlier. like i was looking up flights and everything #how fucking sad does someone have to be to contemplate that.

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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 2 months

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i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately

#art #i'll be yapping in the tags #its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually #ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear #“oh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymore”. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic #in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that #but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess #we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen #i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live #but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean #the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet #it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before #i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs #the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze #now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of #im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it #because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment #i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes #i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then #i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it #perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills #and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain #perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing #one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck #but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane #next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century #thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye #i made a typo in the word “sertraline” but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft

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supercantaloupe · 11 months

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apparently i'm already halfway done my musicology degree??

#i wanna talk about me #between the course i did in undergrad and the frankly ridiculous number of courses i'm taking this semester #apparently i'm over halfway done already #i know the musicology portion is a smaller load than the library science portion but like #man it was weird walking into my advisor's office and him looking me in the eye and saying like 'oh you're almost done'#three courses is all i have left for a master's. Man #well i'm gonna spread those out over the next year and a half...and probably pick up an extra elective here or there while i can #cause idk man i like studying music history...even if i don't Have to i like taking the classes and learning #(esp if it's gonna be paid for by my fellowship as long as i'm still here)#well i need to figure out. how the hell to get in touch with a library science advisor now.#i emailed yesterday and haven't heard back #but i don't know what i'm doing for that degree going forward rn #other than. i guess taking 552. but i KNOW there's other specialty and elective courses i'll need to take too #and i want to take stock of what shit i'll have to take in summers too cause i know some of the courses are only offered in summer #(need to find out if any of my fellowship scholarship can go towards summer courses. i'm guessing not...)#weird. it's weird. i don't know what i'm doing here #anyway #meeting with my advisor went okay i at least know what i'm doing now re: the music stuff #didn't cry which is good but man i hate how my voice started to break more and more the longer i was in there #and when i talked about how i put too much on my plate this semester and am struggling to keep up with all the work #and he asked me if i've been reaching out to anyone for support. or if i had people to reach out to #and i just had to sit there like. uh #define. support?#i have a couple friends at least that i chat with about stuff like that sometimes but not always cause i don't want to bother them too much #but like. it's not like i can ask someone else to write a research paper For me #or it's not like i can control when my coworkers get sick and i have to cover their time in the office #and this didn't come up at all (and i'm glad for it) but jeez it's not like i can control global political conflicts!!#it's hard for me to focus on getting enough work done in small chunks of time in the best of times #let alone when my fucking hamster brain is on high alert for getting hate crimed in public if my necklace is too visible or something #idk. it's a lot man. i bit off more than i could chew this semester even before the world fell apart

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thisismyobsessionnow · 1 year

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(Side note, lace and JO has killed me. I'll be back later to reblog stuff and scream about it, probably)

#joker out #it's just TOO MUCH for my lace maker heart #how does it happen that I fall in love with a band #and then I learn about their appreciation for this silly little dying craft #that both my grandmothers have been teaching me since I was a child #that means so much to me #that I for a long time believed would actually be a big part of my job??#yeaaaaah #it didn't happen that way #but my plan was to combine my lace making and goldsmithing #and do bobbin lace jewellery both in metal wire and with other yarn combined with metals #I'm crying so much I can't believe I gave up on it #imagine if I hadn't given up???#also I did not mean to put all of this in the tags #but here we are I guess #brb I'll just go cry some more

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raksh-writes · 1 year

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Im a pent-up ball of pure stress and restlessness (like chest-tight and heart pounding type of stress) and I have 0 idea what to do with myself, because anytime I want to try and go distract myself with Something my anxiety spikes and my brain goes "!!! NO!!! DANGER!!! LOOK OUT FOR DANGER!!!" so I guess I'll just spend the day pacing the house and refreshing the same 3 pages on repeat, huh...

#personal #Raksh posts #tomorrow I'll know if I got back into uni #so that's the culprit #but I also have no way of assuaging it so fuck me I guess 😩#and depending on if I do or dont get in #its either gonna be a full on depressed crying or a crazy busy next week #plus so much has been happening all around #I finished my internship last friday #we found out our doggo is sick and we're going with her to a vet cardiologist next friday #my younger cousin Ive always been quite close with came to visit with her boyfriend and announced yesterday they got engaged #my bro today said he's planning to marry next year #Im trying not to let my crippling loneliness take me over #it's kinda a lot when all put together 🙈#I thought maybe I could finish typing up what I have of my recent vegaspete AU #its a super indulgent time travel a/b/o shifterd thingy with outsider pov - Nops in this first part #and so I could maybe have something to finally post sometime soon and motivate me to write some more #but I can't focus on that #Ive also thought of maybe gaming a bit #Id actually like to check out Cyberpunk with this new 2.0 update #but again it feels like anytime I try to occupy myself with something my brain goes into alarm mode ughhh #this stressing business is so useless and unproductive why isnt there a switch to it I could just flip and turn it off??#ughhhhh anyway #Im just venting dont mind me #hoped putting it down in some way shape or form would help but will it work? prob not 😂😪#vent #rant

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volivolition · 6 months

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what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??

#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least.#skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act.#and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here #lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this.#and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also:#empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for #empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this?#you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable #still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand.#i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy''#but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known #urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3 #i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat #hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao #i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying #the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!!#oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!!#chemi chats #task: swept up

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theflyingfeeling · 1 year

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still sick but alive, unfortunately 🤧

#last morning when i got up i wasn't at all sure i'd live to see the release of deadzone lol #since then i've been able to walk and stand up somewhat normally without wanting to cry and/or die #last night i slept more than the two previous nights combined. which still isn't that much but at least i did sleep #i did also wake up so completely drenched in my own sweat (from mild fever going down after i had taken a painkiller for a headache)-#-that i had to get up and dry myself with a towel 😂#and there was a huge wet spot (of sweat) on my bed where i had lied 🙂#i have lost three fourths of my vocal range so i can't e.g. laugh #(not that i've had a whole lot to giggle about these past few days 💀)#i'm bummed out i can't do preparations for my new job #i definitely should've started earlier but i would've had plenty of time this week had i not caught the cold at the stupid festival 🤧#i did not plan this! besides i'm not gonna start working weeks ahead for a job i'm not even getting paid for yet #for the same reason no one can expect me to work while sick for a job i haven't gotten a single penny from #hell even if i WAS paid no one could expecte me to work while sick #so i shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to work on my fic instead of the course plans #which btw i already sort of have because my predecessors gave me practically ALL the material i might need #so all i reallly need to do is change the dates of the course plans and bob's your uncle #but i'd like to also study the material a bit before teaching it so that i'll at least seem like i know what i'm talking about 💀#mom said on the phone that i've managed situations like this before so i will manage this too and she's right i guess but 😭😭😭#but yeah i guess this is some sort of developement from last year when i had the 'rona-#-and felt awful about ordering food/groceries in because ''i don't want to be a bother'' 😂

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tardis--dreams · 10 months

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I wish i could skip forward to December 23 already

#i cannot stand my own whining but god i hate my life rn lol #i mean it's all my fault but i don't see myself improving in this environment #i should just try to ignore myself for the next 3 weeks #i can start packing up and throwing away stuff i won't need here anymore and maybe I'll feel less stifled #idk #just get through it i guess #this weekend I'll be away one last time and then there's only 2 weekends left #then it's essentially only 2 more weeks because the last week doesn't even count #finals start in 2 weeks already so i should be occupied #i still haven't even started my paper i already asked for an extension for and should hand in in November #instead of October #i just need to start focusing on anything but food intake and exercise and my body and I'll be fine #the days only seem to go by so slow suddenly because i'm literally not doing anything but hate my current state #so tomorrow I'll work on my paper and go running or take a walk and I'll book my bus tickets for the weekend #I'll find some enjoyment in occupying my mind with anything but myself #(sounds wrong. but i guess my problem really is that I'm focusing too much on how i dislike everything about me and need to change it #while the solution would be to simply not care and live my sad little life)#void screams #(((affirmation: i will not cry myself to sleep tonight ♡ i will face another day without a mental breakdown over how Wrong i am ♡))

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pulchrasilva · 1 year

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Uh oh I am having some feelings about lizzie's new design and most of them are not good. And I am having further feelings about the fact that not all of them are good and uhh yeah bit of a cycle here

#you can pry mixed lizzie from my cold dead hands man.... i was so hopeful #fuck man #im like low key stressed out now. literally crying and i never cry #but i also feel like a shouldnt be upset ahout this because yayy darkskinned characters in riptide. like thats a good thing #ough #this sucks #i need i need. i need to get into more media with canonically mixed characters #and canonically mixed characters i can adore and obsess over #bc atm i cannot think of many and most of them are from stories About racism. which is not bad but i want some which are not as well #oh well I'll cope i guess #might just go to bed early #this kinda came out of nowhere man im not usually this emotional about it #aaargh i feel baaad :(#vent post

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izzy-b-hands · 2 years

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Got very excited to be awake early, went out to get mail from yesterday and do chores before i showered

forgetting in my excitement that ever since like

fuck idek anymore exactly when shit got way worse mentally, def around start of covid because fuck me that time was So Much and I've felt changed ever since but who fkn hasn't, anyway

I've been easily overwhelmed with doing a bunch of shit at once (said chores all involved phobias, but i was feeling good! so i figured I could handle it!! im completely fkn sober rn too, didn't even need my edibles to help! Or so I thought!)

as a result i have not showered yet but had a super fun extended panic attack over the chores (both ones i did and ones that admittedly still really need doing but i was going to do them later to avoid this exact fkn situation im in now) which triggered a physical reaction that left me laying on the bathroom floor for an hour

i can finally get up without wanting to be sick in some way, dizzy, or needing to lay back down because the weird waves of Ah Fuck Panic Time kept hitting and the first thing I did after washing my hands for the millionth time was make this post

So how are y'all doing this morning 😭😂

#text post #laughing and crying because i was so happy and excited and i felt more like i did before shit got worse #like precovid levels of okay this is gonna suck and you'll need something to make ur brain chill after but u got this #and i thought ah I'll be good until ive got my chosen things and shower done then I'll snag like half an edible #i was Incorrect friends learn from my failings #idk what the lesson is here tho except maybe don't get too excited if u got mental & physical health shit going on #in a situation like this because the universe WILL smack ur ass back down now and again #least some of the chores are done i guess

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whispering-kavka · 2 months

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the struggles of today proved to me that i might indeed be a little mentally unwell

#not enough to go to therapy but at least now i know what i should work on #correct me if i'm wrong but most people probably don't start to feel suicidal if there's like. a problem at work #i've been asked to support the back office and help with managing cases which is okay i guess. but i'm not a support team person so #i don't know how to do a lot of things despite using the learning resources provided by the workplace #and this one case i'm handling was rather easy on the surface. no info in sys so parcel can't move forward. ask origin to release data. eas #but then origin says that they can't because they get an error message when putting in receiver's acc number. ruh roh #if origin can't release data no one can. i've asked them to handle it with IT but had no response. in the meantime the other involved CS #started getting involved and now a production in a factory is stopped. and i know it's not my fault but i could've done better #acted faster. thought smarter. and i hate this kind of responsibility. and that i care too much #i've cried so much today i'm so tired. from the stress of this task i've been given and because of the IT issues popping in all the time no #i logged into work 45 minutes late because the VPN i've been using shit itself and i had to get a backup one #i should've gotten it installed ages ago but nooo let's do that laterrrrr you definitely won't regret that #i hate having to put up with this bitch (me) .#another thing is. it's currently summer vacation season so i'll have to brace myself for more support work to come. it's probably gonna go #just as bad if not worse. i'm so not cut out for this. i'll have to ask my boss if he can move me to a different service #so i can have an excuse like sorry i can't help i'm no longer associated with tnt~#but that's gonna have to wait until he;s back from his vacation in august . oh well #also all this stress might result in me getting something akin to an ED #my stress response other than crying and shaking is not feeling hunger. i ate something substantial at 5pm and had breakfast at 6am #between that i had two small pieces of candy and water #i'm already bad at feeding myself or at the very least eating nutritious food . this could make me worse #“oh but kav everyone makes mistakes and it's important to learn from them! keep fighting!” bitch i don't want to i didn't sign up for this #if i wanted to work for Support Team i'd have applied there. i did not wish to get involved with them and their work #sorry i needed to get this out of my system. i'll probably complain to some irls too but i might be able to do that without crying now #laments #<- i think this is going to be my vent tag

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acanthyme · 7 months

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ugh nothing in my life can go smoothly i stg. csnt even do anything to ignore what's going on i just have to fucking sit here and listen to all these way too loud noises and fucking beeping but i'm the one who NEEDS to listen i'm always on fucking guard.

why the fuck are they up tbjs laaaaate jts 3am and i just want to relax buut fuckjng NO. everything they do annoys me i have no fucking peace in this house anymlre.

#sorry i am so fucking overstimulated and on the brink of a meltdown #the TV is on downstairs and one of them is making food and i'm too fucking terrified to go down and make myself something #so it's another night without dinner. sigh.#and my tendonitis is so bad i csnt even play a game or anything to distract me.#im just stuck in bed in so much pain to fuckifn stew in it.#and just as i fucking type this i hear more NOISES.#what the fuck ever. im so sick of the both of them. id sleep outside just to have some quiet if it wasn't snowing #just gonna put on my headphones and cry i guess.#im fine i'll be fine just. autism dramatics.

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chelleisamazing · 11 months

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I just finished reading the 'God Save the Blessed American President Mom' fic and I sobbed hard through it all..

#god Im a wreck rn but I needed that cry #my anxiety at work has been so bad lately...#heaviness in my chest shaking hands kind of anxious and its been awful #and the best i can do for myself rn is come home and just disconect reading wholesome rwrb fics #and ive also been having trouble sleeping so thats what i do #until my eyes get too tired #bc i guess some part of me doesnt wanna wake up next morning #and go in rto work and get drilled with emotionally draining work and deal with stupid shit/people #not my coworkers/friend tho #i love them sm they keep me sane ♡#I'll never say it to those dummies but I think they're pretty neat ♡#just here avoiding more sleep writing this #and hoping tomorrow is the day it finally gets better #but not really feeling that hopeful...#either way..#at least i can always escape into alex and henry's love-filled world at some point of the day and worry about nothing ♡#loads of rambly tags but #truthfully-- no piece of media has ever touched me like this #and it really feels like it heals something in me for a while ♡#been thinking if I should see a therapist again too...#but im pretty sure my insurance doesmt cover it...#anyway #goodnight and here's to hoping #sad? little post #stuff

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angeltism · 1 year

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not 2 keep posting literally Only Vents (and like 1 normal thing once a day) but it's nights like these I reminisce about my abuser and wonder all that "what if"s

all the sui tw/cw tags r because of shit I wrote in the tags

#➳ valentin vents #and yes i am purposefully triggering memories by listening to my playlist of songs i had full blown panic attacks and mental breakdowns to #or would listen to while it manipulated and turned me into his own little puppet while i felt disgust and. so. unsatisfied.#i hate that you all know me as who i am now #i hate that this is the me you have to see #why couldn't you all have met the sweet immature aqua who made sex jokes and who's only worry was petty drama ?#why couldn't you guys have gotten attached to him ? he would have been a better friend and partner than this aqua .#this aqua cries xerself to bed every night even if things are theoretically fine and makes her life miserable for no reason #he's selfish and always demands more and more and then plays the victim about it #she shouldn't exist . this vessel should have died a year ago when it met the person — the monster — who ruined it .#the asshole who killed innocent sonia and left his body to be possessed by the worthless maryne #i should have done it . i should have gone and chugged all those pills instead of just cutting contact . maybe he would have felt remorse #maybe I'd have saved so much money and tears and not have wasted the time of those who got to know this current '' being ''#but I've always been too much of a pussy to do something like that #oh well #i guess I'll just have to wait until the universe decides it's my time since i guess . idk . dad would miss me a lot . maybe some irls woul #too ? and mom and grandma . yeah I'll . uh . not chug an entire bottle of whatever random pills i can find in my cabinet .#i still need to get married some day . and at the very least I'm not dying a virgin lmao #ugh angways aqua stfu time go cry in uur bed like uu always do stop telling people online how uu should have killed uurself a year ago n #sharing tmi about uur trauma !!!!#tw sui mention #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui talk #cw sui mention #cw sui ideation #cw sui thoughts #yea

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