#guardianangelsblog

[naffeclipse]

Look at this darling doll that @guardianangelsblog made and sent to me! I'm still swooning over the orca man in plush form, augh! Again, thank you so much!!

[ilariyalavorowrites]

Good Enough (Chapter Ten)

Imagine: Imagine leaving LA after feeling like an outsider in your relationship with Bobby and Athena as they seem to pull away and distance themselves from you. Only to find that it is almost impossible to actually walk away.

Warnings: Angst with happy ending, AU, Bisexual Athena, BDSM

Pairings: Bobby Nash x Reader x Athena Grant

Word count: 4,025 words

Universe: 9-1-1

Reader gender: Female

Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95 @yoshinorecommends @horsedragonllama @forever2ne1 @clayzayden @multifandomlesbianic @thepotatoislost @tvshowmasterlistblog @guardianangelsblog @unkindn3ss-of-rav3ns @cptn-nash @originalsoulcollector @ateandleftnocrumbz @911readercollection

Previous

Part: 10/10

“I desperately wanted to hate what I could see growing before my eyes, whilst I felt the sting of bitterness deepening within the depths of my soul.

Knowing I was being unintentionally pushed aside, I couldn’t bring myself to hate such tender love, pure and healing those festering wounds within you both. I knew there was no way forward. This was my out and I had to take it before those dreaded dark seeds blossomed. I could not be the one to tear down love as beautiful as yours.”

The sound of silence was almost deafening in how all-consuming it was, as you stood staring straight ahead. You had brought the axe down hard, cutting the conversation dead in its tracks. What else could be said after such a heart-breaking confession?

Your mouth was dryer than the Sahara desert as you waited for the oppressive atmosphere to pass.  You would have regretted the moment those words crossed your lips if they had been a falsehood, a lie to distract from the truth. However this was your reality, this was how you truly felt. You watched as Bobby’s hope deflated as he began to disappear into himself once more.

This cut deeper than anything else, as you witnessed his confidence and self-worth splinter into a million differently shaped pieces. This was not what you wanted but a by-product of your choices.

No matter how you phrased it, no carefully thought-through planned statement could have stopped the blunt force of agony that swiftly followed. It was a hard pill to swallow but you couldn’t skirt around what this was. This was the end of the road when hearts got broken, where feelings were pushed out of the way for the cold harsh light of day. This was a break-up, one that had been long coming. You had heard the deafening sirens in the distance but ignored them for as long as possible. You had truly wanted this to work, you had clung to the notion that they were it, your endgame. 

This was failure plain and simple, no matter how it was presented even neatly with a bow tied on top. This attempt at an unconventional relationship, a throuple had crashed and burnt in a way that you hadn’t given a second thought to. Yet here you were with an increasingly despondent Bobby. Athena had held steadfast to her Second Amendment rights, falling silent and staring anywhere else in the room to avoid your gaze.

You felt as if you had been caught with your hand in a cookie jar when you had been told no treats before dinner. At this moment, shame and guilt were the most prevalent emotions but shades of regret and the anguish of waking up alone tomorrow were starting to manifest, mixing in. The weight of this new dawn was unlike what you had experienced before. You had navigated through both messy and amicable breaks before but this felt on another level.

This would be a whole new scenario to manoeuvre through, the various twists and turns that encompassed the maze that you standing in with walls that stretched as far as the eye could see. Your reality had somewhat shifted, changing the illusionary location rapidly. In a blink of an eye, the interrogation room melted away. This was what your mind replaced it with. An inescapable maze of your own design, that you rushed through but constantly failed to find the correct path that would lead you out.

This was your anticipated worst-case scenario in one way yet things were not playing out as you initially imagined. It was a hell of a lot worse, than anything that your twisted mind would conjure up. You should feel relieved as the pressure on your chest was finally released as you spoke what had been lingering in the back of your mind. However, that dejected look in Athena’s eyes stung more than you ever thought it might as if that knife you used to cut the thread connecting you to them had been turned around and wrapped itself around your damaged heart.

It twisted left then right, damaging just enough with each turn to leave a permanent mark behind. A reminder whenever you found yourself alone with your thoughts. There it would be, a figurative wound, raw and never truly closing for all your days to come. A fractured heart, aching to be healed but the missing piece could never be reclaimed. This was the price too high that would be paid here and now. The piper was calling and this was your reply.

What else was there to be said? The ball was in their court, you just needed to be patient and wait to see what happened next. Bobby Nash, Fire Captain of Firehouse 118 stood off to one side contemplating how small his world had just become. In a few short minutes, his happy little world had frozen over as feelings of failure, inadequacy, confusion and grief overtook his peripheral vision. Sliding over him like the visor clicking down on his helmet. 

This felt like a step to the side, not a step backwards into the darkness. He wasn’t alone in his despair this time. He had a partner along for the ride, sharing the load as he felt Athena slide along before placing her hand into his. An act of comfort, this was what he needed. Tears would come but not quite yet. He had cried enough for more than one lifetime. Athena barely contained the sorrow as it quelled beneath her simmering fury. 

The storm had come and gone, brushed aside in the heat of the moment. A numbness soon followed, settling over the two of them as they took their first steps back into the world, their hearts bruised and cracked but holding firm. Knitting the threads that held them together tighter than before. This had tested them, pushing them to the edge, only to pull them back again. 

One where things hadn’t worked out when they tried taking a different path, by inviting one another in and opening up their cosy relationship. It had been one hell of a ride, where flames of passion smouldered. Ultimately the spark dimmed as that once fierce blaze cooled until three had disappeared right back to where it had been in the beginning, just the two of them. Where a couple stood on by, watching as their third left. 

Had the right person stumbled in at the wrong time? This bizarre thought dared to cross his mind. Maybe this was simply poor timing and ill-planning. He had nothing but time to run through all the questions, the what-ifs and the rabbit holes that it might lead him down. Athena would be there to set him straight when he’d evitable delve too far into the depths of his mind, becoming lost in the dark. She would be the light to emulate the path hidden from his sight.

This was both an end and a new beginning. It would be an uphill battle, only this time he would have someone else along for the journey. “This was never the plan when Athena and I opened up our relationship, to invite you in for a time and then to push you right back out into the cold” He started as he worked through his thoughts, trying to vocalize his rapidly shifting feelings. 

He was everything all at once. A perfect storm locked away in a glass flask but the fierce winds were steadily calming. Athena was another story together as she had remained tight-lipped. All her words were locked away in a vault, under lock and key. There was no doubt that she would make one hell of a poker player, as she masked through each time she bluffed about the cards in her hand. Winning round after round with ease. Burning holes in various pockets and wallets like a seasoned pro. This was different, this was her vanishing beneath her mask and simply walking away.

Storm Athena had vanished in a blink of an eye but was it for the better? That would be the question you would be battling with in the days to come. Overanalyzing all the little details of this moment, trying to find sense and logic in her actions. Trying to almost read what was happening within, to hear those precious few thoughts that indicated her next play, the steps that she would inevitably take.

Would things ever be amicable? You hoped that would be the case in time but that’s all you could do. Hope that the day would crest over the horizon sooner rather than later but you wouldn’t push. They deserved all the time in the world as the walls sheltering their little piece of paradise began to rebuild. As their battered and bruised hearts started on the next stage of their healing journey without you. This was how it needed to be. Athena, I know that you don’t want to talk to me. Hell, I don’t expect you to even respond or read this but please know that I never meant to hurt you or Bobby. I saw the door start to close and simply reacted. 

I should have tried harder to reach out, to be heard but we are long since past that. I don’t know if I’ll be back this way but please know that I did cherish the time that I was there, standing toe to toe with you and Bobby. I would never want to stand in the way, have that loving affection turn sour and embittered by the very experience of having a front-row seat to a show that slowly capsizing.  

You deserve better than this, you both do. The dear John letter was a stupid and careless idea that I never thought all the way through but please know that I will never freeze out the lines of communication if you ever think of me and want to reach out for that long overdue talk. I will say this one last thing, 

I did deeply care about the pair of you, you meant the world to me but this was not our time. This was not ours but it is yours and Bobby’s. I saw that secret smile whenever you locked eyes with him and vice versa. A love story in motion but I was grateful to have been a part of it. I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world for all that is to come. 

Clicking send hadn’t been the hardest part, as you sat in the back row of the Grey Hound bus heading out of town. The hospital had arranged transport to the bus station then the rest had been up to you. Your one-way ticket was tucked firmly between the pages of the cheesy romance book you had picked up in the little shop at the hospital on your way out. Something to keep your mind preoccupied for the long hours ahead. 

You had let yourself chuckle softly when you had first pulled it out of your bag. You hadn’t even checked the title when choosing between the limited range and selection staring up from the shelves. there had been a grand total of three different books to choose from, you had split down the middle and just gone for door room two which had turned out to be the only romance-heavy option. It was truly karma in action, a borderline cruel reminder of what once had been yours. 

An epic love for ages, well it might have been if the fire hadn’t been blown out. You had been one to finish off those embers, never once giving them a chance to reignite. Now as you sat staring out of the window watching the world rush past. A sense of conflicted peace rolled over. This was a new beginning, a chapter closing as you started on a new adventure into pastures unknown.

Whether the grass was greener on the other side, you’d soon find out as the bus turned the corner and headed out onto the freeway. You had crossed the point of no return more than once in the last few hours. Or so it felt but there was no point in looking backwards, no matter how much it hurt to admit.

Silently you muttered a single word, finally cutting the tattered remains of the thread that held you in place.

Goodbye

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a rollercoaster of ups and downs in the years since you had last dared to step foot in Los Angeles. Both professionally and personally. You pushed any thoughts of those failed relationships and the dead-end jobs that landed at your feet when you had struggled to begin again. 

Home had found you when an unmissable job opportunity crossed your desk one fine day, three months back. It was almost impossible to stop your fingers from typing up and updating your resume. Before you had known it, you had completed the application and clicked the send button launching into the depths of the electronic superhighway that was the internet. Regret did not follow in its wake. You had anticipated some awkwardness resonating within you but nothing occurred.

You had expected nothing to come from it, it was a shot in the dark. Yes, you had the skills and the experience in a similar field but would that be enough? As you worked your socks off day in and day out, you had pretty much forgotten about that one particular job application sent three weeks prior. 

You had long since concluded that if you hadn’t heard by now then you were highly unlikely to hear anything at all. You pushed forward with the daily grind. Going to work and then back home. Rinse, lather and repeat. 

Until that one notification last thing on Friday night shook things up. An interview came and went before a second dropped in and then a third soon followed after. Before long an offer of another job, a chance to spread your wings and take flight back to the City of Angels manifested. All that you needed to do was simply say yes, well that and find a place to set up shop. Apartment hunting pre-pandemic was hard enough but this was a whole new ball game. Virtual viewings were the done thing in the post-pandemic world.

Viewing a possible home through the screen of any available device, a tour at your fingertips allowed you to go from room to room as you tried to ascertain whether this one, the third tour of the day was the one. Whether it met all your basic requirements. Was it too far from your base of operations? Was it located in a reasonable neighbourhood? Were there good transportation links into the city itself?

Question after question arose as you continued to scroll into the next room. This seemed a lot harder than all the times before when you had needed to go apartment hunting. It was turning into a headache, they all could easily be made to look rather bigger with the click of a well-positioned camera lens. 

As text came through lighting up your phone screen, you paused the video for a moment. The name displayed above the message knocked you for six. You hesitated opening it, for it could easily go one or two ways. At this moment in time, you were solely existing in Schrödinger's cat type of scenario.

It could both be a harmless conversation starter, cracking open what once had been slammed shut or yet it could be something that held steadfast to the notion of flogging a dead horse. Or it be both at the same time but until you dared to look inside that box, you wouldn’t know. Without a second more to mull it over, you clicked upon it. You held your breath as the message revealed itself to your increasingly growing anxiety that bubbled within.

After all this time, Athena responded and replied to the mammoth message you sent way back when. Your olive branch to do right by her, to have the chance to sit down and talk like adults. To see if it was truly possible to let sleeping dogs lie and move forward as friends. You hated the idea of completely burning that bridge and cutting her and Bobby out of your life because of the mistakes that had been made. There had been the building blocks for a stable foundation which you have decided had been breaking apart at the seams.

In the time since then, you had searched through every avenue of what had been. Through rose-tinted glasses, you had viewed the long hours, the lapses in replies and the never-ending chain of cancellations and rearranged dates in haste. They were a part of the daily ups and downs when dating two first responders. You had acted with the emotional range of a moody teenager. You hadn’t taken the time to consider what it meant for them, who you were at the end of the day.

You were meant to be their safe harbour, away from the multiple emergencies that lingered on the other side of that door. When it closed, you could have their light in the dark leading through the long nights. Instead of being the salve to heal their wounds, you had ripped them wide out, tearing out their hearts, watching as they bled at your feet when you had penned that letter without even giving either of them a second thought.

It had all been about you. You had changed and grown as a person since then learning more about how to navigate a relationship. The many twists and turns that came and went day in and day out and learning from your past indiscretion. When it came to communication, it truly did lay at the heart of every relationship. Looking back, it hadn’t been your finest hour, the last time you were even in the state. You had run away, with your tail tucked firmly between your legs. Across several state lines until you found yourself darkening your brother’s door. He had been expecting you. 

Only a few weeks later than initially planned. You had kept him updated from your hospital bed, your ear red raw from his worried rants, stuck on repeat like a broken record. Each time you called, he softened his tone and inclination and by the time you arrived. The once bare-to-the-bone wire-like threads that had once connected you had begun to heal, deepened as that proud man opened his heart and mind to welcome home the sibling that had been pushed away. It had been a challenging climb but he had been by your side, walking in tandem.  He had grown as a man, a brother and a human being. 

One relationship had flourished, whilst another faded away. However this message, oh how it made your heart skip a beat. Anxious laden but still hope began to flutter its paper-thin wings as it flicked back to life.

I will not deny that your actions hurt, not only me but Bobby too. It has taken me years to come to terms with how things went down. I’m ready to talk, understand and move forward then we can go from there. 

It had been frank and straight to the point like the woman behind those words but it was a chance. One that you won’t waste this go around. It was hard not to smile, to fight back those feelings that you long since buried. Soon enough those dreaded butterflies would take up residence within your stomach but you won’t let them consume you. This was a fresh start, not a blank slate. 

Athena, thank you for this. Let me know when you are free to speak. I am ready to answer all the questions you have. I’m sure that there are plenty, I will be nothing short of completely honest with you

You watched the screen, waiting for those two little ticks to appear. The sign that the message had been delivered then you’d have to kill time until the colour changed from grey to blue showing that Athena had read your message. You placed your phone down as you couldn’t be glued to that device like a lovesick fool. The ball was now in her court now. 

When the message arrived, it was simple. A date and time staring up at you. A question then arose in the back of your mind, who would be the one to initiate the phone call in question? However, before you could even type out a response, another message appeared. She would be the one to call you. It felt damn near bizarre finding yourself in a situation such as this. However, you’d pushed on through, if it meant salvaging a relationship from the burnt-out wreckage. Even if it would be nothing but wholly platonic in the long run.

As you typed out a quick reply, you smiled softly feeling happier than you had in months, as a renewed sense of peace washed over you as you made your way out of the room. A list as long as your arm began to form in your mind of all the possible questions that might soon be coming your way. 

“It’s a start. It's the best that I could have hoped for” You softly repeat like a mantra as you consider the next steps. Whatever they might be. The bounce in your step would come in time but still, each stride no longer felt like you were walking in treacle. Weighed down by the guilt that you had long since carried upon your shoulders. 

Peace was just the beginning if things truly went well. This was only the first of hopefully many steps upon this new trail off the beaten path. 

New memories were to be made, once you had truly arrived but you knew that shouldn’t get ahead of yourself. One foot in front of the other, never pushing forward unless the opportunity presented itself. You finally could let go of that aching sense of guilt that hung deftly around your neck. The hangman’s noose tightened of its own accord through the day, worsening when you were lying alone at night, clock-watching until sleep overtook you. 

Pushing away the persistent thought of what if, what if you could go back and change the order that events had played out. You simply couldn’t but it was in the past, finally buried when Athena knew the reasoning behind your actions. The why, the how and the emotions that drove your hand when drawing the next card from the deck of life. 

When you drew the next one, it would be the one that changed your tomorrow. There'd be a bright light that you’d lovingly strive to keep joyfully humming in all the days that were to come. Through the many ups and downs as you rode through the hard and trying times, through the days when the sun shone brightest as if it was only illuminated for you and the ones you loved.

The hours seemed to rush past waiting for the sun to slip beneath the horizon. As day seamlessly melted away, the night took hold. You stood silent as a mouse, staring out at the night sky smiling to yourself as innocent enough thoughts overtook as you pictured a new dawn. This was only the beginning, to gain Athena’s forgiveness, trust and friendship was a road that needed to be walked. A journey that you had started, crossing the threshold when you had held out an olive branch.

You had gained ground but that conversation was all that mattered. You wanted to make good on your promise. Tomorrow was now more than just another day, one to toil through the hours until it was time to head home. Athena then maybe one day you could bring yourself to face Bobby.

As you rebuild your world, one thread at a time. It would not be the same as before but still, it would be home.

[withering-chariot]

tagged by @silverdisable tyy for the tag!! It took so long cause I simply forgot fhjdks

I kinda just chose my favs at random so 🤍

Here’s some no pressure tags! And everyone else who wants to do this :) lemme know if you don’t want to be tagged in the future

@emptyemptyemptyempty @par-vollen @bloodcathedrals @imbibitors @lightecho50 @guardianangelsblog @starfishelope

[naffeclipse]

I HAVE THR GREATEST IDEA!! Raindeer centaur!Y/n with orca!Eclipse and she finds two calves of sun and moon raindeer centaurs and bring to eclipse how would he react??

Oh my gosh, Reindeer Centaur Y/N!! You'd have a thick, brown coat and velvet horns. Strong and stout, you traverse the ice and snow with a silent forbearance.

Eclipse sees you before you ever see him. He's immediately enamored by the beautiful centaur trotting around snowbanks—he has to see you up close! It takes patience, but he follows from the coast, and he's rewarded. He finds you. He introduces himself the only way he knows how.

You kneel at the water's edge, hooves folded underneath your body as you wash your hands in the thick salt. The taste warns you to not drink it, but it does well cleaning away the sweat and grime from constantly moving. You lower your hands, cupping a gentle handful to wash the fine, velveteen fur of your neck when you realize a face is staring at you from below the surface, grinning.

You slowly straighten where you sit and he follows, emerging from the water in soft splashes and a gleaming gaze. He sizes you up as if deciding where to take the bite first. You, calmly, regard him, and listen to his gushing of how beautiful and handsome you are! He flicks his tongue over his teeth when he tells his name. When you share your own, you study how his claws thrum against the ice and how intently he locks eyes with you.

He often calls you 'my dear' and adores touching your antlers and stroking your thick, velvet fur. You take your time letting him close. When you're not racing along the ocean shore, you'll watch Eclipse breach, showing off with grandiose splashes before he pops up to catch your reaction.

On one rare occasion, he convinces you to lie down on your side, four cervine legs sprawled out, and lay your head on his stomach. You're both quiet the sight, a centaur and a siren, sprawled close together, but you don't mind his claws petting through your hair and scratching between your antlers so long as he's gentle. He sings you lullabies that lull you to sleep (you swore you wouldn't drift away so easily but he had other plans.)

When you're ready, you stroke his head fins and touch his flukes. He's practically beaming under your interest and snowflake-soft palming. He melts when you allow him to press his cheek against the velveteen fur on your reindeer half. He's clingy, but you gradually settle into his constant touches and affectionate affirmations with your treasured time.

Later, much later, when you cross a field, and discover two small bodies with bumbling cervine legs struggling through the snow, you calmly take a calf of beige and buttery yellow colors, and the other, blue metal and silvery, under your arms. They're just old enough to hold themselves up. They bawl, not yet having found their words. The twins nuzzle into your fur. It's not a pretty picture—two abandoned centaur young, but it's nothing you and Eclipse can't handle.

He accepts them without hesitation as you thought he might. It's not a question of acceptance but a matter of finding the right manner in which to tend to the children. You gently point out to Eclipse how the nub markings show how the buttery-yellow babe will have horns like a blossom of petals or a fan of sun rays, and the blue metal babe will have a singular horn like a shooting star or the crescent curve of the waning moon.

(He names them Sun and Moon, and you agree; it fits them fine.)

Eclipse watches over the three of you at night, quietly lapping at the ice's edge while you hold the babies close and provide them with warmth. (Eclipse laughs when the babes attempt to suckle on you, much to your bemusement.) During the day, he stows away though never too far and you find good moss and ferns that Sun and Moon can nibble on. You watch over them, minding predators and coaxing them to stabilize their gangly legs and hold themselves high. Evening falls, and you reunite. Eclipse plays with them tenderly, keeping them from falling into the sea but stimulating them to build their strength and their mind. They take to you both, much to your silent fondness. It's an odd little sight, but you're a family.

You wouldn't have chosen any other.

[naffeclipse]

Okay idk if this has been asked before but what about a Blue Whale y/n? With Orca!Eclipse? Like can ypu imagine just how small he'd be? Blue Whales are THE BIGGEST animals to EVER live both past and present animals! Just imagine how TINY Orca!Eclipse would be next to Blue Whale y/n!!!!

I swear Blue Whale Reader has been brought up before but I can't find anything on my Tumblr about it, so I just might be imagining it or Tumblr is just being Tumblr, but Blue Whales are huge!! Orca Eclipse would be so tiny!! You could hold Eclipse in your hand like he's a doll. Eclipse would have such a crush. Giant pretty siren and you're holding him? He's already courting you with his best songs.

[ilariyalavorowrites]

Good Enough Update

I have updated my tag list for Good Enough as the final chapter has reached the home stretch. I have written the angst-heavy section, and it's onto the happy ending. It hasn't gone how I thought it was initially conceived but I have enjoyed writing it.

If anyone still wants to be tagged let me know.

Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95 @yoshinorecommends @horsedragonllama @forever2ne1 @clayzayden @multifandomlesbianic @thepotatoislost @tvshowmasterlistblog @guardianangelsblog @unkindn3ss-of-rav3ns @cptn-nash @911readercollection @originalsoulcollector

[ilariyalavorowrites]

The final chapter of Good Enough has been completed and entered into my queue.

So watch this space for the tenth chapter tomorrow. Enjoy the conclusion of this angst-driven journey. Thank you for all of you who have come along for the ride.

Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95@yoshinorecommends@horsedragonllama@forever2ne1@clayzayden@multifandomlesbianic@thepotatoislost@tvshowmasterlistblog@guardianangelsblog@unkindn3ss-of-rav3ns @cptn-nash@originalsoulcollector

[ilariyalavorowrites]

Chapter Nine of Good enough for all those waiting for it will be up shortly.

I thought as Chapter Ten is proving to be a nightmare that I would put this up today to tide you all over until I can work out the next chapter!

Ilariya

Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95 @yoshinorecommends @horsedragonllama @forever2ne1 @clayzayden @multifandomlesbianic @thepotatoislost @guardianangelsblog

[withering-chariot]

WIP Wednesday!!

Got tagged by @swanoel to do the trend so thank you!!✨💜

Recently got back into art so luckily I have a few that are kinda new (ง'̀-'́)ง

1. Replaying dragon age series and this is my blood mage warden ellowyn amell!! Still trynna nail her design

2. My old oc Denise I’ve been trying to redesign, didn’t get far on her reference sheet (along with her pony version lmao)

3. Another clothing ref I kinda abandoned/need to finish but of my body count mc, Margo!

Unfortunately not a lot of my friends/mutuals use tumblr but I’ll tag @rotteeeen @guardianangelsblog @starfishelope @whoreromancer @ether-and-alkahest feel free to do it either way! No pressure

[withering-chariot]

Top 10 Animated Movies!!

Tagged by: @sharkboy-rawr !! Thank youuu

Doing it in order of what I remembered rather than rating cause I just can’t decide things like that lmao

Legend of The Guardians: Owls of Ga’Hoole

Promare

Anastasia

Red Shoes and The Seven Dwarves

Tales of Vesperia: The First Strike

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The Last Unicorn

The Road to El Dorado

Doukyuusei

Bambi

Imma tag @far-too-toasty @guardianangelsblog @disaster-and-restraint @apricot-roses and anyone else who wants to!!

[withering-chariot]

Tagged by @fenharelthot ;) dm whenever

Rules: tag nine people you’d like to get to know better/catch up with

Top 3 ships: m!fenhawke, zutara, clouis

Last song: Life Letters - Never Get Used To People

Last movie: The Half of It, tho I still gotta finish it

Currently Reading: Overlord Volume 12 and Fallen Hero Rebirth!!

What food I’m currently craving rn: I would kill for some chocolate lava cakes or some giant shrimp balls tbh

Tagging: @bad-luckcharm @apricot-roses @guardianangelsblog @mauvemacabre @nekoofstarfishelope @technicangels @paulawithsharks

Ahahaaa idk many people so it’s less than 9 but it’s whatever ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

[withering-chariot]

I uhhhh tag @pink-vvitch @butterymiststake @dogfordays @midnight-star13 @guardianangelsblog @azure-au-ra and anyone else who wants to do it uwu

tagged by the lovely @galbos to describe myself in 10 images!!

i tag @popcorn-bra @espernyanko @hustlerose @chicalli @wildlittleman @digdembones @noqt @l-nellie-l & @saintjohnswell ! and anyone else who wants to do it! no pressure 😸🍂

[withering-chariot]

Thanks for the tag @technicangels !!

1- We’re Not The Same by Wolf Alice

2- Pools by Glass Animals

3- Drifting Away by Khai Dreams

4- Electric U by Kid Bloom

5- Falling for U by Peachy! and mxmtoon

6- 1901 by Phoenix

7- Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys

8- Red Light by The Strokes

9- Little Things by Allie X

10- Paracetamol by Declan McKenna

I tag: @guardianangelsblog @azure-au-ra @butterymiststake @pink-vvitch @dogfordays @wizardtwunk @midnight-star13 and anyone else who wants to!

You can tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people. No skipping!

tagged by @inquizzie!

1- Starjumper - Bad Suns

2- Plum - Troye Sivan

3- Shine - Years & Years

4- Daft Pretty Boys - Bad Suns

5- Fantasy - Superfruit

6- Colorful - Mili

7- All For You - Years & Years

8- Howling at the Sun - Bad Suns

9- Blow it All - Kim Petras

10- Digital - Imagine Dragons

tagging: @vaguelyelven @spell-struck @paulaeponine @boundtoanandroid @witchofnope @littleprincessintraining @nekoofstarfishelope @nemjun @dreamyarcana @fanged-bastard

[ilariyalavorowrites]

Reblogging as I have tweaked a few things after binge-watching Season 7 and the start of Season 8. This has given me a few ideas for a short sequel to Good Enough.

Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95 @yoshinorecommends @horsedragonllama @forever2ne1 @clayzayden @multifandomlesbianic @thepotatoislost @tvshowmasterlistblog @guardianangelsblog @unkindn3ss-of-rav3ns @cptn-nash, @originalsoulcollector, @ateandleftnocrumbz @911readercollection

Good Enough (Chapter Ten)

Imagine: Imagine leaving LA after feeling like an outsider in your relationship with Bobby and Athena as they seem to pull away and distance themselves from you. Only to find that it is almost impossible to actually walk away.

Warnings: Angst with happy ending, AU, Bisexual Athena, BDSM

Pairings: Bobby Nash x Reader x Athena Grant

Word count: 4,025 words

Universe: 9-1-1

Reader gender: Female

Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95 @yoshinorecommends @horsedragonllama @forever2ne1 @clayzayden @multifandomlesbianic @thepotatoislost @tvshowmasterlistblog @guardianangelsblog @unkindn3ss-of-rav3ns @cptn-nash @originalsoulcollector @ateandleftnocrumbz @911readercollection

Previous

Part: 10/10

“I desperately wanted to hate what I could see growing before my eyes, whilst I felt the sting of bitterness deepening within the depths of my soul.

Knowing I was being unintentionally pushed aside, I couldn’t bring myself to hate such tender love, pure and healing those festering wounds within you both. I knew there was no way forward. This was my out and I had to take it before those dreaded dark seeds blossomed. I could not be the one to tear down love as beautiful as yours.”

The sound of silence was almost deafening in how all-consuming it was, as you stood staring straight ahead. You had brought the axe down hard, cutting the conversation dead in its tracks. What else could be said after such a heart-breaking confession?

Your mouth was dryer than the Sahara desert as you waited for the oppressive atmosphere to pass.  You would have regretted the moment those words crossed your lips if they had been a falsehood, a lie to distract from the truth. However this was your reality, this was how you truly felt. You watched as Bobby’s hope deflated as he began to disappear into himself once more.

This cut deeper than anything else, as you witnessed his confidence and self-worth splinter into a million differently shaped pieces. This was not what you wanted but a by-product of your choices.

No matter how you phrased it, no carefully thought-through planned statement could have stopped the blunt force of agony that swiftly followed. It was a hard pill to swallow but you couldn’t skirt around what this was. This was the end of the road when hearts got broken, where feelings were pushed out of the way for the cold harsh light of day. This was a break-up, one that had been long coming. You had heard the deafening sirens in the distance but ignored them for as long as possible. You had truly wanted this to work, you had clung to the notion that they were it, your endgame. 

This was failure plain and simple, no matter how it was presented even neatly with a bow tied on top. This attempt at an unconventional relationship, a throuple had crashed and burnt in a way that you hadn’t given a second thought to. Yet here you were with an increasingly despondent Bobby. Athena had held steadfast to her Second Amendment rights, falling silent and staring anywhere else in the room to avoid your gaze.

You felt as if you had been caught with your hand in a cookie jar when you had been told no treats before dinner. At this moment, shame and guilt were the most prevalent emotions but shades of regret and the anguish of waking up alone tomorrow were starting to manifest, mixing in. The weight of this new dawn was unlike what you had experienced before. You had navigated through both messy and amicable breaks before but this felt on another level.

This would be a whole new scenario to manoeuvre through, the various twists and turns that encompassed the maze that you standing in with walls that stretched as far as the eye could see. Your reality had somewhat shifted, changing the illusionary location rapidly. In a blink of an eye, the interrogation room melted away. This was what your mind replaced it with. An inescapable maze of your own design, that you rushed through but constantly failed to find the correct path that would lead you out.

This was your anticipated worst-case scenario in one way yet things were not playing out as you initially imagined. It was a hell of a lot worse, than anything that your twisted mind would conjure up. You should feel relieved as the pressure on your chest was finally released as you spoke what had been lingering in the back of your mind. However, that dejected look in Athena’s eyes stung more than you ever thought it might as if that knife you used to cut the thread connecting you to them had been turned around and wrapped itself around your damaged heart.

It twisted left then right, damaging just enough with each turn to leave a permanent mark behind. A reminder whenever you found yourself alone with your thoughts. There it would be, a figurative wound, raw and never truly closing for all your days to come. A fractured heart, aching to be healed but the missing piece could never be reclaimed. This was the price too high that would be paid here and now. The piper was calling and this was your reply.

What else was there to be said? The ball was in their court, you just needed to be patient and wait to see what happened next. Bobby Nash, Fire Captain of Firehouse 118 stood off to one side contemplating how small his world had just become. In a few short minutes, his happy little world had frozen over as feelings of failure, inadequacy, confusion and grief overtook his peripheral vision. Sliding over him like the visor clicking down on his helmet. 

This felt like a step to the side, not a step backwards into the darkness. He wasn’t alone in his despair this time. He had a partner along for the ride, sharing the load as he felt Athena slide along before placing her hand into his. An act of comfort, this was what he needed. Tears would come but not quite yet. He had cried enough for more than one lifetime. Athena barely contained the sorrow as it quelled beneath her simmering fury. 

The storm had come and gone, brushed aside in the heat of the moment. A numbness soon followed, settling over the two of them as they took their first steps back into the world, their hearts bruised and cracked but holding firm. Knitting the threads that held them together tighter than before. This had tested them, pushing them to the edge, only to pull them back again. 

One where things hadn’t worked out when they tried taking a different path, by inviting one another in and opening up their cosy relationship. It had been one hell of a ride, where flames of passion smouldered. Ultimately the spark dimmed as that once fierce blaze cooled until three had disappeared right back to where it had been in the beginning, just the two of them. Where a couple stood on by, watching as their third left. 

Had the right person stumbled in at the wrong time? This bizarre thought dared to cross his mind. Maybe this was simply poor timing and ill-planning. He had nothing but time to run through all the questions, the what-ifs and the rabbit holes that it might lead him down. Athena would be there to set him straight when he’d evitable delve too far into the depths of his mind, becoming lost in the dark. She would be the light to emulate the path hidden from his sight.

This was both an end and a new beginning. It would be an uphill battle, only this time he would have someone else along for the journey. “This was never the plan when Athena and I opened up our relationship, to invite you in for a time and then to push you right back out into the cold” He started as he worked through his thoughts, trying to vocalize his rapidly shifting feelings. 

He was everything all at once. A perfect storm locked away in a glass flask but the fierce winds were steadily calming. Athena was another story together as she had remained tight-lipped. All her words were locked away in a vault, under lock and key. There was no doubt that she would make one hell of a poker player, as she masked through each time she bluffed about the cards in her hand. Winning round after round with ease. Burning holes in various pockets and wallets like a seasoned pro. This was different, this was her vanishing beneath her mask and simply walking away.

Storm Athena had vanished in a blink of an eye but was it for the better? That would be the question you would be battling with in the days to come. Overanalyzing all the little details of this moment, trying to find sense and logic in her actions. Trying to almost read what was happening within, to hear those precious few thoughts that indicated her next play, the steps that she would inevitably take.

Would things ever be amicable? You hoped that would be the case in time but that’s all you could do. Hope that the day would crest over the horizon sooner rather than later but you wouldn’t push. They deserved all the time in the world as the walls sheltering their little piece of paradise began to rebuild. As their battered and bruised hearts started on the next stage of their healing journey without you. This was how it needed to be. Athena, I know that you don’t want to talk to me. Hell, I don’t expect you to even respond or read this but please know that I never meant to hurt you or Bobby. I saw the door start to close and simply reacted. 

I should have tried harder to reach out, to be heard but we are long since past that. I don’t know if I’ll be back this way but please know that I did cherish the time that I was there, standing toe to toe with you and Bobby. I would never want to stand in the way, have that loving affection turn sour and embittered by the very experience of having a front-row seat to a show that slowly capsizing.  

You deserve better than this, you both do. The dear John letter was a stupid and careless idea that I never thought all the way through but please know that I will never freeze out the lines of communication if you ever think of me and want to reach out for that long overdue talk. I will say this one last thing, 

I did deeply care about the pair of you, you meant the world to me but this was not our time. This was not ours but it is yours and Bobby’s. I saw that secret smile whenever you locked eyes with him and vice versa. A love story in motion but I was grateful to have been a part of it. I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world for all that is to come. 

Clicking send hadn’t been the hardest part, as you sat in the back row of the Grey Hound bus heading out of town. The hospital had arranged transport to the bus station then the rest had been up to you. Your one-way ticket was tucked firmly between the pages of the cheesy romance book you had picked up in the little shop at the hospital on your way out. Something to keep your mind preoccupied for the long hours ahead. 

You had let yourself chuckle softly when you had first pulled it out of your bag. You hadn’t even checked the title when choosing between the limited range and selection staring up from the shelves. there had been a grand total of three different books to choose from, you had split down the middle and just gone for door room two which had turned out to be the only romance-heavy option. It was truly karma in action, a borderline cruel reminder of what once had been yours. 

An epic love for ages, well it might have been if the fire hadn’t been blown out. You had been one to finish off those embers, never once giving them a chance to reignite. Now as you sat staring out of the window watching the world rush past. A sense of conflicted peace rolled over. This was a new beginning, a chapter closing as you started on a new adventure into pastures unknown.

Whether the grass was greener on the other side, you’d soon find out as the bus turned the corner and headed out onto the freeway. You had crossed the point of no return more than once in the last few hours. Or so it felt but there was no point in looking backwards, no matter how much it hurt to admit.

Silently you muttered a single word, finally cutting the tattered remains of the thread that held you in place.

Goodbye

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It had been a rollercoaster of ups and downs in the years since you had last dared to step foot in Los Angeles. Both professionally and personally. You pushed any thoughts of those failed relationships and the dead-end jobs that landed at your feet when you had struggled to begin again. 

Home had found you when an unmissable job opportunity crossed your desk one fine day, three months back. It was almost impossible to stop your fingers from typing up and updating your resume. Before you had known it, you had completed the application and clicked the send button launching into the depths of the electronic superhighway that was the internet. Regret did not follow in its wake. You had anticipated some awkwardness resonating within you but nothing occurred.

You had expected nothing to come from it, it was a shot in the dark. Yes, you had the skills and the experience in a similar field but would that be enough? As you worked your socks off day in and day out, you had pretty much forgotten about that one particular job application sent three weeks prior. 

You had long since concluded that if you hadn’t heard by now then you were highly unlikely to hear anything at all. You pushed forward with the daily grind. Going to work and then back home. Rinse, lather and repeat. 

Until that one notification last thing on Friday night shook things up. An interview came and went before a second dropped in and then a third soon followed after. Before long an offer of another job, a chance to spread your wings and take flight back to the City of Angels manifested. All that you needed to do was simply say yes, well that and find a place to set up shop. Apartment hunting pre-pandemic was hard enough but this was a whole new ball game. Virtual viewings were the done thing in the post-pandemic world.

Viewing a possible home through the screen of any available device, a tour at your fingertips allowed you to go from room to room as you tried to ascertain whether this one, the third tour of the day was the one. Whether it met all your basic requirements. Was it too far from your base of operations? Was it located in a reasonable neighbourhood? Were there good transportation links into the city itself?

Question after question arose as you continued to scroll into the next room. This seemed a lot harder than all the times before when you had needed to go apartment hunting. It was turning into a headache, they all could easily be made to look rather bigger with the click of a well-positioned camera lens. 

As text came through lighting up your phone screen, you paused the video for a moment. The name displayed above the message knocked you for six. You hesitated opening it, for it could easily go one or two ways. At this moment in time, you were solely existing in Schrödinger's cat type of scenario.

It could both be a harmless conversation starter, cracking open what once had been slammed shut or yet it could be something that held steadfast to the notion of flogging a dead horse. Or it be both at the same time but until you dared to look inside that box, you wouldn’t know. Without a second more to mull it over, you clicked upon it. You held your breath as the message revealed itself to your increasingly growing anxiety that bubbled within.

After all this time, Athena responded and replied to the mammoth message you sent way back when. Your olive branch to do right by her, to have the chance to sit down and talk like adults. To see if it was truly possible to let sleeping dogs lie and move forward as friends. You hated the idea of completely burning that bridge and cutting her and Bobby out of your life because of the mistakes that had been made. There had been the building blocks for a stable foundation which you have decided had been breaking apart at the seams.

In the time since then, you had searched through every avenue of what had been. Through rose-tinted glasses, you had viewed the long hours, the lapses in replies and the never-ending chain of cancellations and rearranged dates in haste. They were a part of the daily ups and downs when dating two first responders. You had acted with the emotional range of a moody teenager. You hadn’t taken the time to consider what it meant for them, who you were at the end of the day.

You were meant to be their safe harbour, away from the multiple emergencies that lingered on the other side of that door. When it closed, you could have their light in the dark leading through the long nights. Instead of being the salve to heal their wounds, you had ripped them wide out, tearing out their hearts, watching as they bled at your feet when you had penned that letter without even giving either of them a second thought.

It had all been about you. You had changed and grown as a person since then learning more about how to navigate a relationship. The many twists and turns that came and went day in and day out and learning from your past indiscretion. When it came to communication, it truly did lay at the heart of every relationship. Looking back, it hadn’t been your finest hour, the last time you were even in the state. You had run away, with your tail tucked firmly between your legs. Across several state lines until you found yourself darkening your brother’s door. He had been expecting you. 

Only a few weeks later than initially planned. You had kept him updated from your hospital bed, your ear red raw from his worried rants, stuck on repeat like a broken record. Each time you called, he softened his tone and inclination and by the time you arrived. The once bare-to-the-bone wire-like threads that had once connected you had begun to heal, deepened as that proud man opened his heart and mind to welcome home the sibling that had been pushed away. It had been a challenging climb but he had been by your side, walking in tandem.  He had grown as a man, a brother and a human being. 

One relationship had flourished, whilst another faded away. However this message, oh how it made your heart skip a beat. Anxious laden but still hope began to flutter its paper-thin wings as it flicked back to life.

I will not deny that your actions hurt, not only me but Bobby too. It has taken me years to come to terms with how things went down. I’m ready to talk, understand and move forward then we can go from there. 

It had been frank and straight to the point like the woman behind those words but it was a chance. One that you won’t waste this go around. It was hard not to smile, to fight back those feelings that you long since buried. Soon enough those dreaded butterflies would take up residence within your stomach but you won’t let them consume you. This was a fresh start, not a blank slate. 

Athena, thank you for this. Let me know when you are free to speak. I am ready to answer all the questions you have. I’m sure that there are plenty, I will be nothing short of completely honest with you

You watched the screen, waiting for those two little ticks to appear. The sign that the message had been delivered then you’d have to kill time until the colour changed from grey to blue showing that Athena had read your message. You placed your phone down as you couldn’t be glued to that device like a lovesick fool. The ball was now in her court now. 

When the message arrived, it was simple. A date and time staring up at you. A question then arose in the back of your mind, who would be the one to initiate the phone call in question? However, before you could even type out a response, another message appeared. She would be the one to call you. It felt damn near bizarre finding yourself in a situation such as this. However, you’d pushed on through, if it meant salvaging a relationship from the burnt-out wreckage. Even if it would be nothing but wholly platonic in the long run.

As you typed out a quick reply, you smiled softly feeling happier than you had in months, as a renewed sense of peace washed over you as you made your way out of the room. A list as long as your arm began to form in your mind of all the possible questions that might soon be coming your way. 

“It’s a start. It's the best that I could have hoped for” You softly repeat like a mantra as you consider the next steps. Whatever they might be. The bounce in your step would come in time but still, each stride no longer felt like you were walking in treacle. Weighed down by the guilt that you had long since carried upon your shoulders. 

Peace was just the beginning if things truly went well. This was only the first of hopefully many steps upon this new trail off the beaten path. 

New memories were to be made, once you had truly arrived but you knew that shouldn’t get ahead of yourself. One foot in front of the other, never pushing forward unless the opportunity presented itself. You finally could let go of that aching sense of guilt that hung deftly around your neck. The hangman’s noose tightened of its own accord through the day, worsening when you were lying alone at night, clock-watching until sleep overtook you. 

Pushing away the persistent thought of what if, what if you could go back and change the order that events had played out. You simply couldn’t but it was in the past, finally buried when Athena knew the reasoning behind your actions. The why, the how and the emotions that drove your hand when drawing the next card from the deck of life. 

When you drew the next one, it would be the one that changed your tomorrow. There'd be a bright light that you’d lovingly strive to keep joyfully humming in all the days that were to come. Through the many ups and downs as you rode through the hard and trying times, through the days when the sun shone brightest as if it was only illuminated for you and the ones you loved.

The hours seemed to rush past waiting for the sun to slip beneath the horizon. As day seamlessly melted away, the night took hold. You stood silent as a mouse, staring out at the night sky smiling to yourself as innocent enough thoughts overtook as you pictured a new dawn. This was only the beginning, to gain Athena’s forgiveness, trust and friendship was a road that needed to be walked. A journey that you had started, crossing the threshold when you had held out an olive branch.

You had gained ground but that conversation was all that mattered. You wanted to make good on your promise. Tomorrow was now more than just another day, one to toil through the hours until it was time to head home. Athena then maybe one day you could bring yourself to face Bobby.

As you rebuild your world, one thread at a time. It would not be the same as before but still, it would be home.