#grow uuuuuup

[sassywitchprincess]

If you reblog this and say anything along the lines of “well it’s THEIR game why does it matter to you” you are missing the point.

Women should not have to be perfect, scarless, heart-faced dainty creatures in order to be considered attractive. Hell, they shouldn’t have to be considered attractive at all in order to be considered engaging, respectable, and likable.

At the core of it all, no—It isn’t immediately hurting anyone that these people are modding their games. But it really is indicative of the kind of person you are if you look at Karlach and feel the need to remove her scars (a CENTRAL part of her character and design) in order to make your game more enjoyable. It really is indicative of the kind of person you are if you feel the need to make your female cast more conventionally feminine and perfect and smooth before you can interact with them or, god forbid, romance them.

Like… No one can stop you from doing it, but I personally can (and will) judge you for it. You kind of deserve it. I don’t know what to tell you except to grow up and learn to have better, more diverse (and more realistic) taste.

To whoever made this mod and to everyone who downloaded it

I hate you and you’re cowards. Fools. Weaklings. Wimps.

[shawtyluvmelikesheluvthelord]

Ppl luvvv to force me to break up with them instead of admitting they wanna do it. Why is that.

[undead-supernova]

Masterlist

plot: when you suggest that you and Eddie should quit smoking cigarettes, Eddie struggles to believe in his capabilities. but there's just something about the way you challenge him...

pairings: modern!bestfriend!Eddie x bisexual!fem!reader

important note: this is a one-off of my High Tolerance series! Somehow I can't get enough of Eddie and Weirdo and I can't help but come back to them. (this is six months before Part 1 of the original series!)

warnings: fluffy fluff fluff fluuuuuuuuuuffffff, talking about smoking, a small argument, Southern culture, country music, reader has an accent, (why are Eddie and Weirdo so horny as friends? shouldn't they have known sooner? idiots)

wc: 2.4k

thank yew @strangergraphics for your adorable dividers!!!!

It was unusual, the way it all started.

Just a normal Tuesday with the bitter cold of January and the crowded highways blocked off by unnecessary construction. Honks muffled by the sound of Guns ‘N Roses’ “Welcome To The Jungle” coming through your speakers. You were clad in a black turtleneck and jeans. Eyes lined in black, maroon-lipped. Spiked bracelets and nine shiny rings dappling light around the car.

Eddie was riding shotgun, sighing alongside you at how slow the traffic was moving when you first said it.

“I have a proposition.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “A proposition?”

You nodded. “Yeah, and I want you to hear me out.”

“Uh, okay?” he said, unsure as to what was about to come out of your mouth.

“I think we should stop smoking cigarettes,” you stated simply, looking back at the road as you inched forward. “A New Year’s resolution.”

“Nuh-uh,” he said, throwing his hands up, his rings reflecting off yours. “No way. Nope.”

“What! Why not?” you exclaimed, now throwing your hands up before promptly putting them back on the steering wheel.

Eddie had his own reasons, like how he’d been smoking for nearly ten years and the irritation of working at a dealership where rich idiots badgered him for just doing his job. The stress of bills and keeping his music career afloat. Not to mention how fucking sweet a puff of nicotine was whenever he got drunk or cross-faded. Nothing beats that feeling. Even you knew that.

“I just don’t want to.”

“Even if I did it with you?” you asked, voice growing soft.

He looked at you, confusion falling over his features. Your eyes seemed a little solemn, like you were disappointed by his refusal. And it was in your expression that he felt drawn to the idea. Because, yeah, if you actually could stop, maybe he could, too. But…

“We wouldn’t stop smoking weed, you know,” you added, cutting off his thoughts. “Just cut out the cancer sticks.”

“It won’t be as easy for me,” he said, sighing defeatedly. “I, uh, I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“You always doubt your own strength, I swear.” You shook your head. “You’re so smart but so, so stupid sometimes. I say that affectionately, by the way.”

Before Eddie could think about some witty comeback, he heard the sound of the next song starting. It was different from your usual genres. It was the picking of a guitar, all folky and twangy and…

Country.

“What is this?” he asked, eyeing you.

You smirked, cranking the volume up as you started singing along.

         “Well, I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia Pine

         and that’s home, you know

         Sweet tea, pecan pie, and homemade wine

         where the peaches grow."

Eddie groaned. “Dude, what the fuck is this?”

You merely shook your head, your tone as playful as your expression. “It’s Zac Brown Band, god dammit! Show some respect.”

He was struck by your Southern accent popping up out of seemingly nowhere. And before he could even remotely process that or protest again, you cleared your throat and started screaming.

Not singing. Screaming.

         “A LITTLE BIT OF CHICKEN FRIED

         A COLD BEER ON A FRIDAY NIGHT

         A PAIR OF JEANS THAT FIT JUST RIGHT

         AND THE RADIO UUUUUUP!”

“Please turn it off,” Eddie pleaded, dragging his hands down his face. “I think you’re killing me.”

“Nope,” you said simply. “My car, my music. It’s the least you can do when we’re stuck on this highway and you’re refusing to quit smoking without even trying.”

“Oh, come on,” Eddie huffed. “Like it’s that fucking easy.”

“Have you ever tried to stop smoking?”

Eddie thought about it for two, maybe three seconds before feeling a twinge of embarrassment.

There had never been a singular thought given to the idea of quitting. Not once. Smoking was just something he did. There wasn’t much else to it. No secret shame or guilt. No bargaining or grief. No, it was just something he did.

“No,” he admitted, avoiding your eyes. 

“At least think about it, okay?”

Eddie nodded before glancing back at you. You continued humming along to the god awful song and tapped the steering wheel, as pretty as ever. And he was surely in love with you. Really, he was. But he thought he was going to explode from how much he hated this song. It wasn’t just the sound, but the lyrics and how you knew every single one.

If he didn’t want a cigarette before, he surely wanted one now.

By the time the bridge hit, you cleared your throat, straightened your posture, and threw up a salute.

Eddie stared at you like you were crazy. “What the—”

         “I thank God for my life!

         And for stars and stripes

         May freedom forever fly, let it riiiiiiing.”

“Oh, I swear to god. I’m losing my mind.”

         “Salute the ones who died

         The ones that give their lives

         So we don’t have to sacrifice

         all the things we looooooooooove.”

Rolling his eyes, Eddie decided to throw up a quick salute himself. “Aye, aye, boys. Yes, okay,” he sighed. “Can we please change it?”

You nodded then and Eddie was severely grateful to hear the beginning notes to “Rebel Girl” by Bikini Kill.

Thank god.

But you didn’t let up. “You can’t just live in the South for three years and not listen to at least one country song.”

“I did a reaaaally good job up until now.” That made you laugh. “I didn’t know you listened to country.”

“I contain multitudes, Eddie. Multitudes. Layers. Like an onion.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s in my blood. Don’t hate on country music just ‘cause you don’t get it. There’s more out there than just jeans, beer, girls, and tractors.”

“Don’t forget trucks.”

You snorted before exaggerating your accent. “Yeah, and I’ll run you over with one, boy.”

Despite his frustration at the grating music, Eddie stopped itching for a cigarette. No, the desire had disappeared entirely. He was looking at you, all giggles and lighthearted apologies, and couldn’t help but laugh along at how utterly goofy the encounter was.

And once he took a second to think about it, he realized that your accent had bled through the entire song. Your sweet little Southern accent that rarely popped out had been on full display for him and only him. That paired with your eyeliner and your spikes and your lips and your everything. It was…cute. Like, very cute.

You were always just so genuine. It was in the way you just fucking cared about things. How you just wanted to try and how it made him want to try, too. You always knew there was more inside of him than even he knew. How you did it, he couldn’t say.

It was hard to say no to you.

It was hard not to love you.

“Okay,” he said finally. “Let’s do it.”

You gawked at him, rapidly flicking your head back and forth from him to the road as traffic began to finally pick up.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And like every addiction, the first week was the hardest.

If Eddie was sitting, his legs were bouncing. If he had a moment to spare, he was drinking coffee and scarfing Red Vines. Kept a toothpick in his mouth as if it would do anything. Frustration ran down his limbs in shivers that turned into unprovoked anger. It was fucking killing him.

You weren’t doing too hot either. When you called, you complained about a sore jaw from the three packs of wintermint gum you’d gone through. Bitten cheeks and lips. Irritation from anything and everything that came across your path.

So, when you saw each other that weekend, Eddie said flat out, “I don’t wanna quit anymore.”

You dropped your scrubber back into the sink, turning your head to gawk at him in shock. Mouth wide open, showing off a pitiful piece of gum you’d been chewing on for maybe two hours.

“What?”

Eddie shrugged, suddenly intimidated by your gaze. “Don’t you think this is, I don’t know, too much?”

“Too much?” you asked, voice hardening.

“Yeah.”

“Eddie, you haven’t even tried yet.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, that incessant frustration rising up his chest and into his mouth. “I have and it’s not working.”

“You have not!” you argued, placing your hands on your hips. “It’s been a week and, yeah, this is fucking hard. But it’s just temporary. Robin said it takes at least a week or longer for it to, like, detox. Probably longer for us.”

Barking out a bitter laugh, Eddie challenged you. “What if I don’t care what Robin thinks?”

“Then you’re giving up and you’ll spend the next however many years killing your lungs because it was hard for a week.”

“You’re one to talk! You’ve smoked for the same amount of time as me.”

“And yet I’m still fighting for it.”

He watched your chewing seemingly turn aggressive, knowing that you were disappointed in him. And it was actually hurting. 

That first flare of guilt hit him then. 

“Why do you want me to quit so bad?” he wondered.

“Because I know you can do it!” you exclaimed. “This shit sucks, Eddie. I’m literally gonna lose my mind some time soon. But it’s not forever.” 

He rolled his eyes. But he realized it was most definitely a mistake when you stepped forward and put a finger to his chest, eyes locked on yours as your breath seemingly washed over his neck.

“Because after everything I know about you, your past, I know you wouldn’t be here right now if you were someone who gave up. If you didn’t fight just to try to have a better life.” Eddie stayed silent, watching your eyes grow soft. “And if you can get through all of that other shit, you sure as hell can quit smoking cigarettes.”

In that moment, Eddie couldn’t help but love you that much more. You were a challenger, a pusher. But it wasn’t unjustified and it wasn’t excessive. No, you were just a force to be reckoned with. When you knew something to be true, you hardly let up. Some called it stubbornness, but Eddie knew it to be determination.

Oh god, how he loved that about you. How you told him what to do and pushed him to do better.

And, oh god, did he have to try his hardest to stop getting a tiny bit hard thinking about it. This was not the time.

“Fine, I’ll keep trying.”

Your shoulders slumped, clearly exhausted from your argument. Leaned your head on his shoulder and heaved a sigh before stepping back.

He cleared his throat. “I’ll try. But don’t expect me to stop complaining about it.”

“As if I won’t. Hell, I’ll go first. Having an oral fixation sucks,” you admitted. 

Eddie’s eyes immediately went to your lips. And, Jesus, even all bitten up and cracked, he wanted nothing more than to kiss you. To call this argument to a close by throwing you up against a wall and devouring you until this bout of irritation dissipated from your bones.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “You’re telling me.”

He could’ve sworn your eyes flickered to his, your own lips nearly quirking up into a smirk. And, fuck, did it seem like you were chest-to-chest, all sidled up and ready for the next fight.

“Why’re you looking at me like that?” you asked.

“Like what, Weirdo?” he deflected, unable to keep himself from leaning in just a little bit further.

You pressed a finger into his dimples. “Like that.”

What, like I want to kiss you silly and massage your cheeks and then kiss you again and take that gum out of your mouth and make it mine and be gross and stupid? Like I want to say I’m sorry by taking you in this kitchen right now? Like I’m going to lose my mind from how much I fucking love you?

Eddie took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Took a step back.

“I think I’m going crazy.”

“Come on,” you said with a smile. “Let’s go get Taco Bell.”

He smiled back, feeling the heat start to subside from his face. And, most importantly, his dick. 

“I could always use a Baja Blast.”

Things weren’t so bad after that first month. Or the second. Or the third.

And by the time you guys hit the six month mark, Eddie didn’t even crave it anymore. If anything, he couldn’t believe how much better his mood was. His chest felt lighter. Head clearer. 

For once, life felt good without a cigarette.

He noticed the same in you, how smiley you were at any given moment. No need to duck out to get a quick smoke in or beg for one after a crying spell. It was like a weight was lifted off of you. He couldn’t believe that such a small thing made up of tobacco, paper, and cotton could have such a big impact on, well, everything.

In the past, you were always looking forward to a cigarette. So, the two of you devised a plan. Every week or every other week, you and Eddie would go to Jailbait Hemp and try out a new product. Split the cost. Go find something to do. Just let loose and see where the day took you.

Today you were at Piedmont Park, passing a joint back and forth as people filtered in and out. You were lying on your backs, a blanket beneath your figures. Both barely able to see each other through the blinding sun because, predictably, no thought to grab your sunglasses. 

“We should try that THC syrup next Thursday,” you suggested.

Eddie turned his head, squinting back at you in the sun’s glare. Tried to see your pretty face the best he could. Sneaked another glance at how breathtaking you were in your sundress.

“Oh, yeah?”

You nodded. “Yeah, why not?”

Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle. “Fuck it. Let’s do it.”

“Where do you wanna go to try it out?”

Summer lasted longer in the South. You’d have the Georgia heat to yourselves until mid-October. Eddie had no idea what you’d do until then. Drink, laugh. Play games, go to karaoke. Work.

Maybe things could change. Maybe he’d even get the courage to ask you out one of these days. It was funny what one could do with all of the money they once set aside for packs of cigarettes.

It was July and Eddie was in love. Had been for nearly four years. 

And some part of him knew as he watched you search the clouds that he’d continue to fall harder every single day. 

He knew exactly where to take you next week.

“No clue,” he lied, smiling to himself. “But it’ll be a damn good time.”

[kohga-the-angsty-leader]

Kohga: Heeeeeeey ~~~~ Bestiiiiiiies ~~~~

Purah:

Purah:

Purah: Just like the 6 other times I told you todaaaaay ... Baby isn't fully developed yet...

Kohga:

Kohga: Awwwwwwwwww ......... FUCK !!

Purah: But yes you can still see him

Kohga: YAAAAAY ~~~ !!!

-

Purah: Just like the past couple of weeks, still stable as ever ~

Kohga, cooing:

Kohga: Ooohhh look at yooooou ~~ You gotten so biiiiiiiig ~~~

Purah:

Purah:

Purah:

Purah: You notice that ?

Kohga: Of course I do I'm his gods damn mother !!

Purah:

Purah:

Purah:

Purah: Feisty ...

Kohga: Awww my little baba-wabba is growing uuuuuup ~~ My strong baby boooooooy ~~

Purah:

Purah:

Purah:

Purah: Aww... Kinda looks like he's smiling .... ~

Kohga: D'awwww he dooooooes ~~ Or is it just gaaaaaas ~~~ My wittle babaaaaaaaa ~~

Robbie:

Robbie:

Robbie: He is REALLY baby talking at the undercooked fetus ....

Purah: *slaps a hand over his mouth*

Purah:

Purah, whispering: He's got limbs 'n shit you moron ...

Robbie: ... Ok .....

Robbie:

Robbie: Undercooked toddler-

Kohga, gasp:

DON’T CALL MY BABY AN UNDERCOOKED TODDLER !!

Purah: Aaaaand now you've got him going THAAAAANKS !!

-

Sooga: Hi ~!

Purah:

Robbie:

Sooga: Wife says I can see the underbaked loaf ~~

Purah: Ugh-

Robbie: SEE !?

Purah:

Robbie:

Robbie:

EVEN THE BABY'S FATHER AGREES WITH ME !!!

-

Purah: Kohga says he's grown since the last couple of weeks, has he ... ?

Sooga:

Sooga: Huh ..?

Purah:

Purah: ... Has he grown ??

Sokga:

Sooga, shrugs: Oh I'unno he still looks the same to me ~~

Purah: ... Hhhhuh....

Purah:

Purah: Maybe it's a motherly thing........ I gotta write that down

Robbie: We have coffee-

Purah: HEY ROBBIE !!

Robbie:

Robbie: Wat?

Purah:

Purah:

Purah: WE GOTTA EXPERIMENT ON KOHGA'S BRAIN 'N SEE WHAT HAVING KIDS DOES TO IT !!

Robbie:

Robbie:

Robbie: AWESOME !!

Sooga: *looks at them both awkwardly*

Sooga:

Sooga: *Looks at premature baby, whispers*

Sooga: Quick you distract 'em and I'll get us both out of here ...!!

[bee--28]

I'm actually going insane, people need to shuuuuuuut uuuuuup about how they didn't get the role they wanted. Like oh my fucking god, they literally made up a pretend role for you, SOMEONE WITH A ROLE ALREADY, just to satisfy your bitching and moan, shhhhhh, no one cares, you don't even care, shut the fuck up. Meanwhile, those of us who aren't crying little babies and can accept not having a role, STILL DON'T HAVE A ROLE AFTER THEY MADE UP A 2ND ROLE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fun fact, this is a high school production of You Can't Take It With You (a play from like the 30s), NO ONE CARES! Even if you wanted to pursue a career in acting, no one cares about your junior year spring production of a show NO ONE EVEN KNOWS! However, I know you don't so shut the fuck up please and thank you, some of us remain roleless and we're not sobbing, grow up

(The person this is about might have Tumblr... It's okay, she don't know it's me)

[cattwomannn]

I turn 23 in 11 days and that honestly makes me wanna vomit.

[friendlyfrat-boy]

The Straw-Hat Among Us Ch2

Red: Shanks

Something was up. He was coming along alright on the Shuttle, but…

Marco hadn’t come by for a second round. Zoro had been by a while ago to fix up some wiring, and that was the last time Shanks had seen anyone. He could probably continue working for a good while longer, but something told him that something had happened.

Something bad.

Right. Before Shanks left, he scribbled a little note for himself to know where he left off, and then he was off. He could probably have gone into the darkness immediately, but that was just not something he wanted to try. Instead, he went into the West Wing. A quick look into the CCTV room ensured that Kizaru was indeed still there, lazily flipping through the different cameras.

“Oh hiiiii Shanks, what’s uuuuuup?” he asked without even turning around, and Shanks recalled noticing a camera above the entrance. Effective.

“I’m looking for Marco, have you seen him?”

“The chieeeef?” Kizaru drawled out, tapping his chin with a thoughtful expression. “Nnnnnot in a while? Last I saw, he headed past Northeaaast.” Kizaru quickly hopped through the cameras, finally settling on one showing the northern entrance to the Laboratory. Nobody was there or anything, but tracks in the snow showed that somebody had been there alright.

“Thank you. Keep an eye on me while I head there,” Shanks said, already heading towards O2 to seek up an old friend.

Kizaru watched him leave, finally slurring out a “okayyyyyy, I’ll watch your back, Shaaanks.”

Shanks smiled. He’d better.

“So, what you’re trying to say is, the kind of water you use actually matters? How the hell can the plant tell?? It’s braindead!” someone all-too-familiar to Shanks said.

“Well, um, it’s not like they can actually tell, they just kinda absorb whatever they get? And if they die, it makes me sad,” someone Shanks could only assume was Usopp replied. The young boy, young compared to the rest of them that is, was apparently telling Buggy about how to raise trees. “Furthermore, while they don’t have a brain like we do, they certainly do have-, ACK!!”

Upon noticing Shanks, Usopp jumped three feet into the air, proceeded to throw himself at Buggy and clung around the older man like a little kid around their father.

While Usopp whimpered, Buggy’s eyes widened in recognition. “Shanks!”

Shanks smiled. “The one and only, Buggy!”

“You… you’ll follow me to Hell and back, won’t you?!” Just as Shanks was about to respond, Buggy noticed Usopp clinging to him like gum to the bottom of desks. “You-, GET OFF OF ME, KID!” Hence, Usopp was unceremoniously cast off, whining both at the rough treatment and his own fear.

Shanks, however, had very little time to waste. “Buggy, I need your help. You’re the only guy I trust around here.”

Buggy blushed. “I-, you, you trust me?? I don’t trust you, why the hell would you-”

“It’s unimportant, I just need your help to find Marco.”

“Huh? The Chief? What for, is he dead or something?” Buggy asked while Usopp nervously got up on two feet. “I mean, sure, I’ll come along or whatever, but is there some reason?”

Shanks shrugged. “I just haven’t seen him in a while.” For some reason, Shanks caught Usopp’s gaze. “-If you’re afraid of being alone, you can come along as well.” Shanks scoffed. “Though we really shouldn’t be bringing any wimps, hah!”

Usopp growled. “Hey, I’ve got every right to be afraid! There’s murdery killers out there! Probably!” He was right, but Shanks still couldn’t help but find his cowardice somewhat endearing.

“Alright, alright. Let’s get going, fellows,” Shanks said. Usopp and Buggy shared a glance, and followed him.

The wind seemed to have picked up somewhat since Shanks left the Shuttle, seeing as how it was almost harsh enough to pick the young Usopp right off of his feet. Then again, Buggy seemed quite watchful of him, enough to place a grounding hand on his shoulder whenever the wind swept him off his feet, so Shanks didn’t think there was anything to worry about. They quickly rounded around the Main Building, made sure to wave at Kizaru once they got to the cameras, and continued their trek.

The lavapool stood out like a wolf among sheep, bubbling and churning with acidic magma. Beside it, a large figure sat hunched, back to them. It was hard to see in the darkness, but considering there was barely an outline of him apart from the white snow that had collected upon his shoulders, Shanks could only assume that it was Teach. “Hey, Teach! Everything alri-,”

Teach turned around. In the dim light, Shanks could barely make out the wetness on his cheeks. But what he did make out, in all-too-clear detail, was the body of Marco.

“GAAAAHH!!” Usopp screamed, falling back into the snow. “Wh-, what-, he’s DEAD!!”

Teach stammered for a moment, his wide, panicked eyes darting between the body he was cradling and his witnesses. “N-, no! I didn’t!”

Shanks stepped closer, his eyes burrowing into Teach’s. “Step away from the body, Teach.”

“N-, no, I-”

“Step. Away,” Shanks hissed through gritted teeth, trying his damned hardest not to throw himself at the larger man.

Teach’s jaw snapped shut and he slowly loosened his grip on the body, letting it fall into the blood-soaked snow. Oddly enough, Shanks could notice that although the ground was thoroughly soaked with blood, snowy white roses painted red, Teach didn’t have a drop on him. The body wasn’t bleeding either.

Slowly, Teach rose to his feet, legs shaking as he attempted to steady himself against a rocky stalagmite. While he did that, Shanks stepped up to the body.

The snow around his body was almost entirely unmoved, with all tracks apart from theirs and Teach’s already being covered up by the snow. Even then, The killing wound, a stab-wound to the chest, was clean and almost professional. Only the part actually stabbed was harmed, meaning that Marco couldn’t have struggled much before his departure. The murder-weapon was nowehere to be found.

Teach sniffled, and Shanks realized that they had things to do apart from analyzing the body. He reached over to the side of the head, found the button signifying the death of the crewmate, and pressed it three times, twice in quick succession and once a beat after.

From the way Usopp stumbled back, part of his helmet visor flashing red, Shanks knew the message had been sent out.

With that, he headed inside the Office, noting how the blinking red light on the security cameras went out as Kizaru left them. Usopp, Buggy and Teach all trailed behind him. There was something abnormally heavy about the way Teach walked, his spirit seemingly so broken that his body could barely house it properly. Once they got to the Office, they found Smoker and Zoro already there, waiting impatiently for the rest of the group to join.

“What happened?” Smoker asked, letting his gaze fall on the black sheep of the group, namely Teach. “Is he… crying?...”

“N-, no!” Teach quickly swiped at his eyes, “I’m not! And even if I was, is it so wrong for a man to mourn his brother?!”

Silence passed through the group. Smoker’s eyes widened, but Shanks didn’t let him say anything. “Hold on, let’s leave discussion for once everyone arrives.”

The door opened. “Aaaaaahh, am I laaate?” Kizaru smiled sheepishly as he scratched his head. Upon seeing Shanks, his smile widened a little bit. “I saw you waaaaving, it was pretty nice of youuu~” he said happily, giving a little wave to demonstrate the occasion. Shanks returned the wave, even though the situation was hardly right for it.

Within only a minute or so Caesar and Doflamingo arrived, but Shanks could hear them coming from miles, chattering like a pair of cockatrices. It mostly seemed to be Doflamingo barrating Caesar for some minor mishap, with the scientist growing disproportionately offended with each tease, his defences growing weaker as well. “-I’m telling you, it was all that no-good Smoker’s fault! If his poor ventilation hadn’t set me back, I’d-”

“You’d be done by now, sure. And I’m the queen of Spain!”

Caesar scowled unhappily. “-You’re not royalty in the least, a crown figure would surely have more tact than you!”

“Everyone, please take a seat,” Shanks said, cutting off Caesar before he could say anything further.

“Hey, I was-,” the second Caesar saw what kind of atmosphere lingered in the office, he shut up, and sat down. Doflamingo followed along, snickering at the livid scientist. After a few moments, everybody was seated, staring expectantly at the only one who was still standing, namely Shanks himself.

“Marco is dead.” The only ones seemingly surprised by this was Doflamingo and Caesar, who both took it with wildly different kinds of emotion. While Doflamingo showed a childish glee at the game finally getting started, Caesar gasped, what little colour he had draining from his face in an instant. Zoro and Smoker both showed apparent indifference, as if they’d expected this, but one would be a fool not to notice the way their eyes sharpened. “-We found his body by the lava pit, just out of sight for both cameras.”

“We?” Smoker asked.

Shanks nodded. “I suspected something might have happened to him and went to fetch someone to find him with. As I trusted Buggy, I got him to follow along, with Usopp hanging with us as extra security. When we found his body, Teach was cradling it.” All eyes possibly able to be suspicious at this moment turned to Teach, whose expression was that of poorly-kept sorrow.

“Yeah, I was with ‘im! I found his body, and,” a sob clawed through his throat, “and I had ‘ta mourn him for a second! Is that so weird?!” Teach recounted, face twisting into a glowering grimace.

Shanks didn’t take this with anything but mild curiosity. “Why would you mourn a man you barely knew?”

“Barely knew? ZEHAHAH! He was my brother! Perhaps not by blood, but by HEART!”

“And when you found him, he was already dead?”

Teach glanced away, a shadow passing through his eyes. “Yeah, dead he was. Dead as dust.”

That was that.

Smoker leaned forwards, resting his chin on his folded hands. “-In other words, the biggest suspect would be Teach.” Teach seemed to take this with no little ire, but Smoker continued before he could argue. “Him, and…” he turned a calm eye to Shanks, “-you.”

“And why do you think I did it?” Shanks asked, wise enough not to take Smoker’s suspicion as anything personal.

Smoker shrugged. “Let’s say you killed him. Nobody else was in the Shuttle, you evaded the cameras and found him, killed him and left him there. You return to the shuttle, wait for a bit, go find a few crewmates to go ‘find the Chief’ with, and then you’re automatically absolved of all guilt. With witnesses, and two of them, to boot, there would be little reason for anyone to suspect you.”

He made a good point.

A murmur passed through the collected members before Shanks raised his hand, bringing the rest to silence. “-Of course, a perfectly valid theory.” He let his gaze fall on Teach, his eyes still red and haunted. “-Then again, when we found the body, it was already cold. If I wished to absolve myself of all guilt, shouldn’t I have made sure to find it while it was still warm, to ensure it was clear I hadn’t done it myself?”

Smoker nodded silently. “Suppose so. Forgive my suspicions, it’s second nature.” His eyes narrowed. “I got a good nose for odd people.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Caesar raised his hand. Shanks nodded at him, giving the word to him. “I, uh, so there isn’t any concrete evidence? Or anything? No footprints, no scribbling in blood, just a bunch of hunches?”

Doflamigo grinned. “Is there anything better?”

Caesar’s eyes went wide and outraged. “Yeah! Evidence, damn it! If we don’t have any proper empirical data, how can we possibly go about yapping that you think the guy in red seems suspicious for finding the damn body?!” At that, Caesar stood up, hands planted on the table in a show of confidence, despite his brows being deeply furrowed. “Red, no, Shanks. I say we just skip this whole damn thing.”

“Y-, yeah!” Usopp squawked. “Let’s not kill someone for-, for finding a body or mourning their brother, it just-,”

Zoro placed a hand on Usopp’s shoulder. “Don’t be so naïve, Usopp. If you can’t make tough calls…” his eyes grew sad, “I don’t think I can trust you in the least.”

“Hey, hey!” Buggy called out, standing up to grab everyone’s attention. “Cool it, you flashy idiots! Before we go making wild assumptions, let’s just take a look at who’s safe and isn’t.” Buggy turned to Usopp and flashed a reassuring smile. “Usopp is safe. Until Shanks picked us up, we were together ever since Marco held the first meeting. Is there anybody else who can say something similar?”

Doflamingo raised his hand. “I and hornhead here have been in the Laboratory since the very start.” A disappointed frown quickly marred his countenance. “Shame we couldn’t see the fireworks.”

Shanks nodded, satisfied with knowing who were undisputedly safe and who weren’t. “Who saw Marco last?”

Caesar, Doflamingo, Smoker and Zoro all gave each other a look. In the end, Smoker was the one to speak. “Purple ‘n Pink called me over to the Laboratory to fix a faulty vent. While we were arguing, Marco and Zoro entered. Zoro went to fix some wires in the stalls while I left to fix the lower decontamination room. Marco came with Zoro but left without him.”

Caesar suddenly seemed thoughtful. “Wait, I didn’t see you leave, Zoro?” Although it was more of a statement than anything, it was really a question.

Zoro paused for a moment. “...Are you suspecting me?” he growled, eyes turning dark.

“N-, no, I just-,”

“Zoro,” Shanks affixed the green-haired man with a glare, “answer the question.”

Zoro shrugged in a huff. “I left through the decontamination rooms. I even met Smoker on the way out, in Admin.”

Smoker nodded, affirming that he’d seen Zoro as well.

Doflamingo leaned in closer to the table, an amused glance thrown Teach’s way. “You’re being rather quiet, brother dear. Cat got your tongue?” A toothy grin settled on his face. “Or should I say bird~?”

“DON’T YA DARE SPEAK OF ‘IM!!” Teach practically threw himself at the skinnier man, face flushed in angry red hues. “YA DON’T KNOW NUTHIN’!”

Shanks and Smoker both stepped in between them, Smoker grabbing Teach’s wrists while Shanks prepared to assist him. Teach was a big man, easily the tallest in there, as broad as he was tall, most of his weight being muscle. Still, Smoker stopped him. A less attentive man than Shanks might have thought that this meant Smoker was simply stronger than Teach, but not so. If Teach had wanted to, he could easily have plowed through both Smoker and Shanks, and yet, he was stopped, merely because he wanted to be.

“Not another step,” Smoker rumbled in a low, guttural voice.

Teach stopped, glanced between Smoker and the rest of the people assembled, and proceeded to break down into a pile of sobs on the floor.

Shanks stepped away from Teach and looked out at the people assembled. Nobody was without suspicion, be it towards their crewmates or directed towards themselves. “-We need to vote.”

“-Vote?” Usopp asked, brows squashed together.

Shanks nodded. “Everybody will vote on the person they deem the most suspicious, or you will choose to skip. The option with the most votes gets-,”

“Ah, what does this do?” Usopp wondered aloud as he pressed a red button. Blip. “...What did I just do?...”

A little tiny wave of panic washed up on the shores of Shank’s heart. “I-, um, I think you might have voted for someone? But, but don’t tell us who. Right, so, now that you all-”

Blip. Blip. ...Blip.

Alright. Since everybody had already gotten to voting, hopefully doing so with more tact than Usopp did, Shanks also voted. Suspecting Teach would be the easy option. They found him with the body, he’s been acting almost too emotional ever since… Still, Shanks just couldn’t find it in him to suspect him. Neither could he suspect himself, of course. Smoker and Zoro saw each other in Admin, Doflamingo and Caesar were with each other, Kizaru was in the CCTV room…

In the end, Shanks chose to skip the vote. Hopefully, a few others would do so as well. A few more blips ring out, and then, all the votes were counted.

Now, they would be tallied. The projector at the end of the Meeting room turned on, showing a list of their names and the people who voted for who.

The little wave of panic in Shanks’ heart rose to a tidal wave as three votes against him were counted.

The only other person with that many votes was Teach. Two people skipped, and one person voted for Zoro of all damn people.

Doflamingo, Teach and Usopp voted for Shanks.

Caesar, Buggy and Zoro voted for Teach.

Shanks and Kizaru skipped voting.

Smoker voted for Zoro.

“-Oi!” Zoro called out.

Smoker shrugged. “Could’ve been one clever ruse, what with following and leaving him.”

“Calm down, calm down!” Shanks said, mostly just to himself. Looking at these results…Although he should have been extremely unsettled knowing three people had voted for him, he knew Usopp had only done so by mistake. The thing is, if Usopp hadn’t voted for him…

Teach might have been killed.

It was a strange way of seeing it, but it calmed Shanks quite a lot.

“So, uh, what happens now?...” Usopp asked timidly.

“Noooooow,” Kizaru said slowly, rising from his chair. “Now I return to my dutieeeess.” He waited a moment before leaving, the cogs in his head turning slowly. “Haha, duutiess… like doodyyyyyy~.”

Nobody laughed at his joke, but his sentiment was right. “Return to completing your tasks,” Shanks said, translating Kizaru-ese into human.

People glanced at each other, and the next second, they were gone. Usopp went with Buggy, Caesar went with Doflamingo, and the last four remaining were the people with lonesome duties. Teach left without speaking a single word to anybody. Zoro turned to Shanks. “I don’t trust you, but I’ve got business in the Shuttle.”

Shanks nodded, smiled warily, and left the office, Zoro trailing alongside him. It was strange. So much had happened, and yet the sky was the very same muddy black colour.

The Shuttle wasn’t far away, and by this point, just the sight of it made Shanks feel a whole lot better. He didn’t have much left to do, so as long as he wasn’t disturbed for a while, he’d be fine. Before he actually got to work, he took a seat in one of the many landing chairs fastened to the wall, watching as Zoro fixed up the wiring. After a few minutes, Zoro was done with his work and left to go work elsewhere.

But before Shanks could get to work, he heard something odd. Some odd sound out there that rung out above the crackling electricity and howling winds and whirring reactors.

A human sort of sound. “-Not already!”

Shanks instantly cast aside all other work and ran out of the shuttle. He’d be a dead man before those damn killers could get their hand on someone else! Zoro only left a minute ago, so they must be after him!

Panting, Shanks finally came to a stop, standing right in front of the entrance to Electrical. The camera above the door was flashing red. Shanks smiled and gave it a hesitant wave. But this isn’t where the sound came from. A little further down. Shanks reluctantly headed south, the crackle of electricity, snow hitting exposed wires, grew louder with each step he took, until it completely drowned out the sound of his boots hitting snow.

The sound was like the growling crackle of the fence, but louder, as if someone had thrown a bucket of water on it.

Soon, Shanks found the reason for the sound.

A little snowman, adorable in composition, had been tipped over, causing the electric fence to crackle and pop with noise, far above what it would usually sound like.

Shanks let out a deep sigh. Jesus Christ. That had been quite the thing to see.

...That is, until he noticed the footsteps he was standing in. There was a bootprint in the snowman. Someone had been here. Only recently. They tipped over the snowman. Caused this buzz of noise. Caused an alarming sound. Gave someone something to investigate. Something to come check out.

Shanks’ heart was engulfed and drowned in icy cold panic, and the next moment, his neck was snapped 180 degrees.

There was an odd look in his killer’s eyes.

[luuuna-rambles]

Avatar Review: 1x02 “The Avatar Returns”

I have this awful feeling that Gran Gran’s gonna die, and I’m not happy about it

Wait, so there are other women around besides Gran Gran? Again, why the hell are Katara and Sokka in charge?

God, Sokka, shut uuuuuup

Aang you sweet little bean

Wait, I though Katara was older? Why is Sokka the one making decisions?

Oh my god, run, you guys! How are you possibly expecting to win against firebenders? RUN AWAY

Sokka, ffs. RUN. AWAY.

Why are Zuko’s guards wearing skull masks? Are you trying to look like the bad guys?

How is Aang’s air conduit stick deflecting fire? Isn’t it made of wood?

Well that was over fast

Wait, wtf? Aang, no, don’t go with him!!!

Okay, Sokka might be growing on me

That being said, how are two children planning on going up against a whole fire nation boat? And yeah, I get that Katara is a waterbender, but she’s not trained! How is she gonna overcome a de facto firebender, as well as all his guards?

Yeah. Gran Gran! You help you two grandkids go on the obvious suicide mission!

You go, Aang, you little badass

You see, this is why you don’t wear the obvious bad guy outfits

Zuko, come on. That was just embarrassing

How the hell did Zuko 1) wake up that fast or 2) jump that far?

Aang takes a fire blast right to the face and all it does is knock him over. How does he not have third degree burns, like, everywhere?

Okay, so if Aang in Avatar state can do that without breaking a sweat, every other fight in this series is gonna be a breeze, right?

Oh, piss off. Zuko should definitely be unconscious

Okay, I see Katara is the brains of this operation

Aang, come on. Did the word war go right over your head? We have more important things to do than riding Koi Fish!

Alright, kiddos, lets go save the world!

Thoughts:

Okay, nice episode setting up the team. The action was a bit contrived, but it is a kids show, so I’m letting them off. I’m having fun with this so far!

[pipis-envy]

If the person that this post is about is bothering to check my blog cause they blocked me or deleted my replies TWICE:

You're 21 grow uuuuuup LMAO

And also whether intentional or not you're spouting "t/rf-y shit" by trying to place doubt on someone being trans just cause they've been coming out about its for like 3 months lmao

Learn to be civil and maybe get some help too ❤

[ghosty-goos-asks]

((Damn, bubafy was super cute)) Hooray! Has it been a long time since she came over?

...ehhh...baby! - 🦄👼

((well she's growing uuuuuup she can't stay cute forever))

[rex101111]

rex I'm thinking about The Thing izuku says about eri's quirk and it's making me emotional HELP

KIND AND GENTLE QUIRK! KIND AND GENTLE QUIRK! KIND AND GENTLE QUIRK!!! KIND AND GENTLE!!!!

IZUKU BELIEVED IN HER ABILITY TO HELP AND IN HER CAPACITY TO HEAL AND SAVE PEOPLE!!! AND HERE SHE IS!!!! NOT HIDING IT AND LETTING HER HORN GROW OUT SO SHE COULD USE HER QUIRK WITHOUT BEING AFRAID!!!!!

MY BABY’S GROWING UUUUUUP!!!! ;____;

[massive-marvel]

The pot was soon poured into the other's maw! It was ungodly unhealthy and laden with calories. It would certainly push the other's body to gain as well as swell in the limits the other could take. The perfect start to usurp the position as world's fattest. "Eat uuuuuup~" Karma cooed as the mixture kept coming~

Natasha gulped down the unholy fattening mixture of cookie dough as fast as she could, to her amazement she could feel her body growing already from just how fattening and calorie laden it was! Her hands rubbed her swelling belly as it both filled out and fattened up. Her chair began to groan in protest as her butt and thighs raced to out-grow her belly, soon filling up what space had been left with pillowy softness...

[artificialqueens]

The First Day of Christmas (katlaska) - kamylove

<i>AN A belated Christmas thing. It’s a small miracle that they can be together for Christmas, and they’re not going to waste a minute.</i>

It’s a small miracle that they can be together for Christmas. It took some juggling and a lot of airfare, but they’ve got three days, and Katya doesn’t plan to waste a minute. She arrives at the hotel near her parents’ house the morning of Christmas Eve, and goes straight to the mall where she worked in high school to buy all the tacky, disposable decorations left on sale. She hums Alaska’s Christmas Queens songs (because Alaska’s are the best ones, obviously) while she hangs the most ostentatious display she can hang, without incurring a fee from the hotel. She goes to see her family for dinner, and uses their wrapping paper, because she <i>knew</i> she’d forgotten something at the mall, and steals a big roll of ribbon. She’s buzzing with energy and dominating conversation, but they’re used to that. Still, she leaves early; she’s driving even herself crazy, and to be honest she’s a bit lonely, so she goes back to their suite to wait for Alaska’s late flight. Once there she ends up redoing all the decorations, because she’s having one of those can’t sit still days, and she texts Alaska a long, giddy stream of holiday and heart emojis that she’ll see when her plane lands. Then she watches <i>Rudolph</i>, and sends Alaska, one line at a time, The Absolutely True Love Story of Yukon Cornelius and The Abominable, wherein Yukon is a bottom and loves toothy blowjobs, and it’s a myth that the Abominable had <i>all</i> his teeth pulled which is a damn good thing for Yukon, and falling off the cliff is an orgasm metaphor, and … “Making me laugh like that in the fucking airport!” Alaska texts finally. “YOU’RE HERE YOU’RE HERE YOU’RE HERE,” Katya texts back. “Renting the car right now, please put your masterpiece on pause so I can pretend to be a normal human being.” “I’M A LITTLE HYPERACTIVE TODAY,” Katya replies. Alaska sends a heart and a brain. Katya sends a heart and a snake, and then gets a bit carried away with eggplants and a whole lot of peaches. <><><> Katya had texted the key code in the middle of her gay Christmas special text storm, so Alaska punches it in without knocking and wheels her bags inside. She barely gets out, “Merry Christmas, bitch,” before there’s an unholy shriek, a door opening, and a whirl of color barreling towards her. This is not a new thing, so Alaska braces herself while Katya gloms onto her with arms around her neck and legs around her waist. <i>(“Maybe try that with a little less momentum next time,” Alaska had said, right after landing on her tailbone the first time Katya bowled her over.)</i> Thankfully, Alaska’s able to lean back into the wall, instead of falling on the floor. She wraps her arms around Katya to help keep her where she is. “Hi,” Katya says right in Alaska’s face. “I’ve been waiting <i>forever</i>.” “My plane landed early!” Alaska says. <i>“Forever,”</i> Katya insists. She grins. “You look yummy.” “You still have toothpaste on your chin, but I really mi-” And Katya cuts her off with a tongue practically down her throat. “Missed you anyway,” Alaska finishes when she can get a word in. Katya squeals, a little too close to Alaska’s ear, and then apologizes. “I’m just so happy to see you!” Katya says, like she always does. “I love that you’re so happy to see me,” Alaska says, like she always does. They both know Alaska’s just as happy, if better able to contain herself. “Now get down. I’m fucking exhausted, and I’m about to drop you.” Katya doesn’t lower herself to the floor so much as jump, and then she’s grabbing Alaska’s hand and pulling her further inside. “Look what I did!” she says. Alaska follows with a grin, and the grin turns into a shocked bark or laughter as she looks around. The space is full of red and green streamers and garlands, paper stockings and snowflakes and snowmen–one of them labeled “Abominable, A Top (not an accurate likeness)”–and a big Christmas tree sticker on the wall. There’s plastic holly and poinsettia and mistletoe. There’s a three-foot candy cane that seems, worrisomely, to be real, with a ribbon of red, green, and gold plaid tied around it. And there’s a banner that says, “Happy Thanksgiving,” complete with a turkey in a stupid pilgrim hat. “It was on clearance,” Katya explains, waving her arms and pointing to make sure Alaska sees everything. Then there are half a dozen pictures of Alaska on stage, and when Alaska gets closer she can see they have helpful notes like, “I was staring at your ass the whole time,” and “You missed the high note,” and “I’m stealing this wig in particular,” and “Squeeze my boob, baby.” And there’s a brightly-wrapped nativity set that looks like– “Is that <i>chocolate</i>?” Alaska asks. “Dibs on baby Jesus!” Katya says in a rush. It’s all very crazy and very Katya, and Alaska tells her so. “It’s a <i>disastah</i> and it’s so you I want to fuck it,” she says. Katya screams out a laugh and wheezes and manages to say, “I knew you would! I knew you would, that’s why I brought extra condoms!” “You’re so good to me,” Alaska says. “I am, aren’t I?” Katya smiles flirtatiously. “Oh!” She holds up a hand to say stop. “Are you hungry? I have leftovers for you! And pizza!” “The traditional Christmas pizza?” “It’s got lots of vegetables on it. It’s like a cooked salad with cheese! Well, half of it has cheese.” “That sounds a lot worse than it probably tastes,” Alaska says. Katya bounces over to the mini-fridge. In the middle of opening it, she looks back and says, “Oh! I only had salad for dinner! And fruit for breakfast!” “Did you now?” Alaska asks. “I did,” Katya says as if she’s talking dirty. Alaska laughs, and Katya piles her arms full of tupperware and a pizza box. <><><> After pizza (Katya scrapes the cheeseless vegetables off the top and makes sure Alaska’s watching), and potatoes and squash and peas, they settle down to watch <i>Santa Claus Conquers the Martians</i>. They’re only a few minutes in when Alaska, yawning, lays her head on Katya’s shoulder. She sighs happily when Katya pets her thigh, and Katya can tell how tired she is by the way she’s holding herself, melting into Katya’s side. “Sleepy?” Katya asks. “Mmm.” “Want to go to bed?” “Not if you’re not.” Katya smiles. She loves sappy Alaska, and exhaustion brings out the sappiest Alaska. The sofa they’re sitting on looks almost long enough for Alaska to lie down, so Katya moves to the end. She coaxes Alaska to stretch out and put her head in in Katya’s lap. Alaska grumbles, but makes a happy sound when she’s settled. Katya combs her fingers through Alaska’s curls. “Are we growing this out again, or have you just been too busy?” Katya asks.

“Too busy. But I’ve been tempted lately to shave it all off like yours.” She finds Katya’s spare hand and brings it to her chest. “Hey,” she notices, holding it out again so she can see better, “your nails are did!” Katya flutters both hands to show them off. One is a a messy red, one a messy green, and just one thumb is a glittery white she got for $.49 at the mall. “Tell me how pretty they are,” she says. Alaska laughs. “They’re very pretty.” “Really?” “Actually it looks like a hack job you did because you were bored. But they’re gorgeous, because they’re on you.” Katya squeals and goes back to playing with Alaska’s hair. It doesn’t take long for Katya to get bored with the movie and start yawning herself, and Alaska’s already sound asleep. She’s curled up and snoring a little and she looks too comfortable to move, but they’ll both regret it if she doesn’t. “Wake up, bitch,” Katya says. “Time for bed.” Alaska mumbles, “I’ll just stay here.” “No, you won’t. It’ll kill your back.” “All downhill after thirty,” Alaska says, as Katya leads her by the hand into the other room. <><><> Alaska’s dreaming, but she’s also aware of Katya getting out of bed and returning, slightly damp, and it seems like a new dream and a long time before the nose-licking starts. “Wake up!” Katya’s saying. Lick. “Wake up!” Lick, lick. “Wake uuuuuup.” Alaska fights a sneeze and opens one eye. “This again,” she says as she sees that it’s still dark in the room. She not-so-secretly loves her Katya-shaped alarm clock, but she’ll complain about it until she dies. “What is wrong with you?” Katya licks her nose again. “Wake uuuuuuup.” “I’m going to tell your parents you’re defective.” “They won’t take me back. They won’t take me back! You’ve already opened my box!” “Damn,” Alaska says, smiling. “I’m stuck with you.” “You are!” Another lick. “Wake up! It’s Christmas!” “Nobody over the age of ten is awake yet, Kati.” “But I wanted to give you a chance to play with your present before we have to leave,” Katya says. Alaska’s suspicious, but she grins anyway. “You got me a present?” “Of course I got you presents, you idiot. But I really need to give you this one in private.” She starts lifting the covers. “Oh, no, you didn’t,” Alaska says, covering her eyes. “I did!” Katya says. She grabs the hand Alaska has over her eyes and drags it down to her dick, which is decked out in the same red, green, and gold ribbon as the giant candy cane. Alaska pulls her hand back. “I can’t believe you,” she says fondly. “You don’t like it?” Katya shifts so she can press the ribbon against Alaska’s bare stomach. It tickles. “I’ll like it after the sun comes up,” Alaska says, pretending to turn away. Katya stops her and starts poking. “Al.” Poke. “Al.” Poke. “Al. How are you going to write me a thank you note if you don’t at least see if it works?” Alaska can’t fake it anymore. She gives in and cracks up. “I win!” Katya says. “Always. But I haven’t read the directions yet. I don’t even know how to turn it on.” “I’ll download the PDF for you later.” <i>(On New Year’s Eve, once Alaska’s back on the road, she’ll get a text with a detailed diagram and directions written in Katya’s handwriting, and it will make her day. And she’ll write a very dirty thank you note in response.)</i> Alaska laughs and stretches out on her back, pulling Katya on top of her and squeezing her ass. “Sooo,” she says, “I’m getting the feeling you want me to fuck you.” Katya gasps as if she hasn’t been dropping hints for two days. “How did you know?” “Women’s intuition,” Alaska says. “I’m in your head, baby.” She squirms and smirks and says demurely, “I mean, if you’re feeling it today.” “Like you need to ask,” Alaska says. “I’m just going to clean up a bit first, okay?” As she walks away, she hears Katya jump up and start rifling through plastic shopping bags, and decides she’s not going to ask. She’s glad she didn’t, when she returns a few minutes later. Katya’s not looking her way, so Alaska takes a step back to watch quietly. There’s obviously a surprise coming, and she doesn’t want to ruin it. Katya’s bent over, ass in the air, muttering to herself as she yanks a Santa hat out of one bag, and goes back to searching all the others. “Aha!” she says as she pulls out reindeer antlers and a wrapped box that’s just the right size for what Alaska thinks–knows–is in it. Alaska grins helplessly. She loves this lunatic so much. She ducks further back as Katya turns towards the bed, so it really is a surprise when she finally reveals herself. Katya’s laid out on her side, arm raised with a flourish. The Santa hat is on her head, and something suspiciously shaped is underneath it. “Merry Christmas!” she says, and points to her ribbon-wrapped dick. “Maybe I don’t need directions after all,” Alaska says. She steps to the edge of the bed, and Katya kneels in front of her on the mattress. “Take it off!” Katya says. “Take it off, take it off!” “What? My underwear?” Alaska asks, playing along. “That too. But no!” She gestures at the hat. “This, this, this!” Alaska does, and pretends to be surprised at the fuzzy antlers. “A shocking reveal!” she says. Katya grabs the hat and stands up to put it on Alaska’s head. “Hi Santa,” she says. “Do you want to see my shiny red ass? I can light up <i>your</i> sleigh.” “Ruining my entire fucking childhood,” Alaska says. Katya wheezes out a long laugh, very pleased with herself, so Alaska strips off her last bit of clothing, pushes Katya backwards onto the bed, and climbs on top of her. Then she kisses Katya madly, before Katya can say anything. They both moan happily into the kiss, and Katya opens her legs so Alaska can slide in between them. “Oh, my God, that thing is going to drive me crazy,” Alaska says, pulling back while Katya laughs at her. “You don’t like your present?” “This fucking ribbon.” Alaska tugs at it as she kneels between Katya’s legs. “It’s itchy as hell. How are you wearing it?” “I suffer for looooove,” Katya says. Cackling, Alaska tosses the thing aside, and lets Katya pull her head down to continue the kissing. But she’s got other ideas, so she starts moving south, to kiss Katya’s neck, her clavicle, her sternum, while Katya squirms beneath her. She follows the happy trail straight down, tugging on a few short hairs with her teeth, and skips right over Katya’s dick. “You complete cunt,” Katya complains, and thrusts her hips up to emphasize where she wants Alaska’s tongue. But Alaska shuts her up by sucking one of Katya’s balls into her mouth. She hums a random little tune, knowing the vibrations will drive Katya crazy, sucks in both balls, and smiles when she feels Katya’s hand land gently on her head. “Up or down?” Alaska asks. When she gets no answer, she tries again. “Kataya. Up or down?” “Oh, God, <i>both</i>.” “No,” Alaska says, and licks just below the scrotum. “You have to choose.” Katya groans and hesitates for a moment before yanking her legs up and out ot the way. “Good choice.” But Alaska doesn’t move, waiting for Katya to beg, which she does. Kind of. “What the fuck,” she says, tugging at Alaska’s hair. “Why isn’t your tongue in my sphincter yet?” Alaska laughs and traces a line with her tongue and laps at Katya’s hole just once. “Oh, my God, fuck you,” Katya says. “Always in such a hurry,” Alaska says before she starts licking again. She circles and tongues and strokes and gets lost there for a while, listening to all the delicious sounds Katya’s making. Eventually she asks, “Is this enough? Fingers?” Katya takes a minute to reply. Finally she tugs at Alaska’s curls again. “Put,” she says breathlessly. “I need. Mouth.” Alaska keeps her own mouth right where it is and holds up a hand for Katya to suck, and Katya does, hungrily. She shudders as she catches Alaska’s fingers between her lips, and Alaska shudders as Katya bites down. It’s painless, but Alaska says, “Ow, fuck,” anyway, to make Katya laugh. Then she raises her head for a few moments, watching Katya blissfully slurp on her fingers. Her eyes are closed, she’s breathing hard, and she doesn’t even seem to notice that Alaska’s stopped. Blissful Katya, anxiety free and living only in the moment, is always one of the most erotic things Alaska’s ever seen, reindeer antlers or not. She shifts her weight so she can wrap her free hand around her own dick, and licks up all the precum on Katya’s. Then she focuses back on Katya’s ass until Katya writhes and lets go of Alaska’s fingers to suck in a breath. Alaska uses those fingers to circle Alaska’s hole, and the change in sensation makes Katya’s eyes snap open. Laughing, Alaska sits up and asks, “So how are we doing this?” “You <i>do</i> need directions,” Katya says. “Let me rephrase. How exactly would you like my member inserted into your rectum?” “I don’t care as long as it’s inserted.” But then her eyes get wide and she says, “No! I do care! Lap sex!” She pushes herself up. “Come here! Sit here!” Alaska goes happily and lets Katya arange her however she wants. She ends up sitting against the headboard, with crossed legs. Katya reaches over her to get the lube and a condom, hands them both to Alaska, and watches Alaska unroll the latex. There’s a filthy look on Katya’s face as she sing-songs, “I want to see your eyes, and I want burning thighs.” “And I am happy to oblige,” Alaska says. “Always writing lyrics,” Katya teases. She holds her hand out for some lube and Alaska lets it dribble into her palm. Then they’re both slicked up and Katya’s straddling, then squatting over Alaska’s hips, one hand on Alaska’s shoulder and one between their bodies. Katya lowers herself slowly, making Alaska hiss at the tight heat. She meets Katya’s eyes and smiles, and Katya grins back at her. “Nice,” Alaska says Katya closes her eyes and sighs. She starts riding Alaska but stops quickly, her nose wrinkling up. “Okay?” Alaska asks immediately. “More lube?” “Mmm.” Alaska finds it and hands it over, and a few seconds later Katya’s smiling again as she slides down and sits unmoving on Alaska’s dick. She cradles Alaska’s face in her hands and kisses her, and kisses her again. They melt and fuse and grind together, slowly, with Katya’s dick trapped between them, until Alaska can hardly stand it. She wriggles a little, moaning into Katya’s mouth, and when that doesn’t work, she runs her fingers lightly down Katya’s chest, tickling. Katya laughs helplessly, and Alaska shoves her back far enough to grab her dick. “Oh, fuck,” Katya says. “Fuck yes.” She raises herself up, finally, and Alaska takes a deep breath as she slams back down. Alaska tightens her grip and all at once they’re both frantic, giving and taking, grunting and groaning and shivering, and she struggles to keep her eyes on Katya’s face. She wants to remember <i>everything</i>. “Yes,” Katya says. “Yes yes.” Then, “No,” as she shoves Alaska’s hand aside to pump her own dick. The pressure in Alaska’s groin is almost unbearable. “Thighs burning yet?” she asks. “I didn’t even notice!” Katya stills halfway down. “Fuck, fuck, ow, fuck.” But she starts up again anyway, and says, “Ow, ow, ow.” “Want to lie down?” Alaska lays her hands on Katya’s hips and puts some more effort into thrusting, to give Katya a break, but Katya just keeps saying, “Ow!” It’s adorable and funny and hot and Alaska’s so ready. She can hardly hold it in and she pushes up hard, to let Katya know. Katya moans out a long, “Aaah,” and softly touches Alaska’s jaw. “Come first,” she says. Alaska does, easily and breathlessly, her eyes glued to Katya’s. She watches Katya jerk off for a few seconds, then lowers her head just enough to bite one of Katya’s nipples. Then Katya’s groaning and the heat of her orgasm hits Alaska’s stomach. She looks down to watch Katya milk out the last drops and groans at how beautiful it is. “You’re,” Alaska starts, meaning to say something sweet and infatuated. “You’re so-” But she can’t finish, and she ends up smiling stupidly at Katya instead. “No, <i>you’re</i>,” Katya says.

Alaska drags her gaze upwards, and remembers what Katya’s wearing. “You’re a fucking reindeer.” “Thank you, Santa,” Katya says. “I really enjoyed my present, Rudolph.” “Oh, good,” Katya says. “I looked <i>everywhere</i>.” Chuckling, Alaska nudges her aside so she can tie off the condom and toss it on the nightstand. She lies down and stretches out and asks, “What time did you tell them we’d be there?” “Eleven or twelve,” Katya says, yawning. She shuffles around and ends up on her back with her head at the foot of the bed, and snuggles up to Alaska’s calf. Alaska kisses her toes. “So we can sleep a bit more?” “I love that idea,” Katya says. Figuring Katya’s too worn out to move, Alaska hands her a pillow and tugs out the sheet and blanket so she can join Katya at the other end of the bed. She wraps the covers tightly around them both. “Oh, I forgot to give you part two of your sexy present,” Katya says sleepily. “It’ll still be there.” “It might come to life! You never know.” She yawns again, and Alaska feels the exhale on the back of her neck. “Shit, I just gave it away, didn’t I?” Alaska yawns, too. “I didn’t hear a thing,” she says, and clutches Katya’s hand to her chest. <><><> Katya wakes to the sound of the shower. She stretches, looks at the clock, and smiles when she sees the Santa hat perched on top of the bedside lamp. Her head is throbbing, though, for some reason. “Ouch,” she says to herself. “Why?” Because she fell asleep with the reindeer headband on, that’s why. She takes it off and throws it in the direction of the shopping bags, then shuffles into the bathroom to pee and brush her teeth. “Good morning again!” she says to the dark shape behind the curtain. “You’re up!” Alaska peeks her head out and says, “Morning, Rudolph!” Then she hides again, laughing, as Katya tries to pinch her nose. By the time Katya’s done with her own shower, emerging with a towel around her waist, Alaska looks ready to go. She’s sitting in a chair with her legs curled up, reading a book, and she’s got Whitney Houston’s Christmas album playing on her phone. “You’re dressed already,” Katya complains. “You’re not,” Alaska says. Katya flings off the towel with flair and jazz hands. Alaska whistles, which is exactly what Katya knew she would do. Then Alaska tosses her a wrapped box that Katya barely catches. Katya’s spent a lot of time teasing Alaska about her aim. “Sexy present?” she says excitedly. “Sexy present,” Alaska says. “Where’s my part two? Does it involve you staying naked?” “That’s part three, and it’s for later,” Katya says. She looks for the gift she got out last night and forgot. Finding it on the floor by the bed, she hands it delicately to Alaska, because Alaska can’t catch, either. “Bitch,” Alaska says fondly. “Now?” “Now!” Laughing at each other, they both rip into their packages. Katya buys Alaska a different version of the same present every year, but she never knows exactly what Alaska will buy for her. “I knew it!” Alaska says when she sees the plug, which is a heavy and very pretty glass snowman. “It’s gorgeous. Where do you keep finding these things?” “I don’t. They find <i>me</i>.” Admittedly she had to look in every sex shop in Amsterdam before this one found her. “Oh! I’m wearing these today!” “All of them?” “Maybe just one.” The clear box is labeled “Gay Apparel,” and she holds up each Christmas-colored thong in turn, reading out things like, “Fuck Me, Santa” and “Sugar Plum Fairy” and “Taste These Christmas Balls.” “Which one?” she asks Alaska, and holds them all up a second time. “This Candy Cane Won’t Lick Itself,” Alaska decides. Katya smirks at her and puts it on. She strikes a few poses, and Alaska whistles again. “Are you going to wear that?” Katya asks, pointing at the plug. “You’re funny,” Alaska says. “I’ll starve myself if you starve yourself.” “Fuck, I <i>am</i> starving,” Katya suddenly realizes. “Can I have chocolate Jesus?” Alaska reaches for it, and Katya realizes something else. “You already ate a wise man!” “And he was deliciousssss,” Alaska says, stretching out the S, as she hands over the smallest piece. “No fair! He’s three times as big!” Alaska grabs Mary and hands her over, too. “Why am I the one that’s going to hell?” Katya asks. “I’ll be right there with you,” Alaska says. And she starts unwrapping Joseph.

<><><>

A little while later they’re both by the door, about to leave with their two big bags of presents, when Katya puts a hand on Alaska’s arm. “Wait.” Alaska smiles softly at her. “You don’t have to say it, sweetie.” “But I’m going to, and you know I’m going to, and you’d be disappointed if I didn’t.” “The first two are true,” Alaska says. “The third one not so much.” “Shut up,” Katya says, and leans in for a quick kiss. “<i>Thank you</i>, yet again, for rescuing me from my destiny as the spinster uncle all the kids feel sorry for. And for continuing to let me show you off on holidays.” <i>(“I used to go to all these family things, and I always knew I’d never have anyone to take with me,” Katya had said, the first year they were officially together. “Nobody would ever want to put up with the crazy.” Alaska had cried a little and kissed her and said, “I want all the crazy, all the time,” then complained about ruining the eyeliner she wasn’t wearing.)</i> Katya adores her family; Alaska knows how much Katya adores her family. But Katya spent much longer thinking she was unloveable, and it still makes Alaska’s heart hurt when she remembers. The Katya she first knew, barely knew, her coworker Katya, wanted love so badly but didn’t know how or where to find it, and made up endless jokes about loneliness instead. Blinking back tears, like she always does, Alaska says, “I’m the one showing your off. And I really love your vagina so freaking much.” Katya grins at her, joy overflowing in her eyes. “And I really love your pussy, you bitch.” They walk out the door hand in hand.

[mononoavvare]

🔥🔥 spill that tea sishtar

spicy onion number two 

pls for the love of god ppl..... stop acting like ur persecuted for shipping ur nasty pedophile ships.... parent/child and sibling incest..... like..... a) These Things Are Illegal In The United States. and b) can we please like. collectively acknowledge that “representation matters” and “fiction doesn’t effect reality” are opposites. the cognitive dissonance u people have... incredible. like i’m not gonna go after u for u doing ur shit. my block list is just a mile long. and i’m ok with that. just stop acting like u have a right to it because [x critically acclaimed author, who also got ripped apart in the court of public opinion] wrote [x nasty thing (critically, which is a component a majority of you lack)]. y’all. lmao!

and like................ rhgrhgrh obviously you are all going to do what you are all going to do. that’s why god invented the block button and moving on. thank u.

THAT being said i think there’s a difference between having headcanons about a certain thing happening to your character because x y z character development and growing and learning and... being traumatized by it, i just think there’s a respectful way to go about things and a disrespectful way to do it and. romanticizing things is not respectful. the end.

spicy onion number three, the milder of the opinions

please let naruto ocs do their damn thing. naruto canon sucks butt wind. let an oc blog have an effect on canon timeline. let an oc be better/faster/stronger than a canon naruto character. let people worldbuild. naruto ocs have vastly more interesting history and kekkei genkai and skills and literally everything than like 90% of canon naruto. 

if u dont like the abilities someone is giving their character then it takes two seconds to block/softblock/unfollow them. less than two seconds. as fast as ur fingers can move. just shut the fuck uuuuuup. there is no need to send shitty messages, please i am begging u. be decent. thank u.

[fluttering-by]

NEVER GROW UUUUUUP!! That's... That's how it goes, isn't it? 😂 I begrudge spending £8 on a nice fancy looking one when I can get a Kinder one for five whole pounds less Especially since I don't... actually like chocolate

[possession1981-moving]

😭😭😭😭 my relatives are everyone older than me minus my cousin's daughter and son lol (18 & 7), at least i have a good relationship with my sister who is 28 but as independent woman with a demandant job i barely see here twice a month.

So at the end i always end up obligated to find friends

i have three younger cousins bc my uncle remarried and had them when he was way old lol bskdjfkf but other than that everyone in my family is like way older than me except my sister and then there’s my nieces and nephews who are between 19 and 13 and the fact none of them are under 13 anymore fucks me uuuuuup dvdjkcrbjcf but genuinely i never had much contact with my family bc like my siblings didn’t really live at home when i was growing up and i’m super introverted so whenever i’d see my family i wouldn’t exactly be super close to them either 🤷🏻‍♀️ but that’s okay u don’t necessarily need to be close to ur family!