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jodilin65 · 3 years ago

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TUESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2021 Slept well last night and I’m looking forward to going to the beach at sunrise this morning before our grocery order arrives! This is the one that’s 7 minutes away but only 1000 feet long. We’re not going to swim. We’re just going to walk along the shore and see what it’s like. No anxiety today either. :-)

Tom still believes that we will get our stuff but I’m starting to worry that we’re never going to see it again. Therefore, since instant coffee kind of sucks, I decided to get a really pretty and versatile Keurig coffee maker for $100 that I’ve had in my save for later for over a year. Unlike my other dull wine-colored one, this one is a nice bright yet soft blue. It’s called Oasis. It’s kind of a cross between sky blue and mint green but definitely has more blue in it than green.

Right now I am cooking my first meal in my new cute little pale pink cooker. A chicken leg, some sliced baby potatoes, and broccoli. Looked up a recipe for slow-cooked spaghetti, and when we get our Walmart order, I’ll have the ingredients to make that for both of us to enjoy. I love the liners this thing comes with!

The TPA did respond after all, but they told me the same shit… File a complaint. Yeah, but what good does filing complaints do if they’re not willing to make any changes?

I could hear that fucking tractor in the bedroom very easily when I was listening to my audiobook before bed yesterday morning. Therefore I turned on the sound machine and started reading with my eyes.

So those two soft mystery thumps are his phone. I noticed after I sent messages while his phone was out here and he was in the bedroom napping that I heard that sound that I thought was coming from somewhere outside.

Anyway, iPhones are great for doing speech-to-text. My Android stopped inserting new paragraphs when I would command it to.

MONDAY, AUGUST 30, 2021 Sure enough, the thunder woke me up. So that makes six times in this month alone. That’s way too much. Staying here is simply making up for traffic at the other place. I really do think we’re going to have to sell out and get to dryer ground. Preferably where it doesn’t get horribly cold. That wasn’t the only thing to wake me up, though. I would hot flash, I would have to pee, and I had a series of weird dreams but I’ll get to that in a minute.

The planes have been the same. Sometimes they’re coming one after another and other times hours go by. In the last few days, I’ve heard more helicopters so hopefully that won’t become a regular thing here. So glad we’re not at the other place now as much as I do miss some aspects of it like not having to worry about the mailman waking me up with packages. If we’re both asleep when it’s delivered, Maurice may not only honk but also knock on the door and that’s just right behind the bedroom closet which means it may wake me up.

Missing some aspects of it or not, I’m still glad we’re out of the old place. This is the time of year when the freeway starts being a regular nuisance and my ears never get a break from some kind of noise, day or night.

I contacted the TPA on Twitter and Facebook as to why they’re always flying over us so much when there really isn’t any need to, and not at all surprisingly, I was completely ignored. I think they all pretty much have a protocol of sorts where they agree that hey, they’re flying everywhere like crazy, they’re going to get a shitload of complaints, so let’s just ignore everybody. But why the fuck do you need to fly over us to get to Dallas???

Started getting anxious but then I took my second Gennev earlier and it backed off. Thank God for that stuff! But the question still remains as to whether or not it’s the medication or the hormones. Tom’s pretty sure it’s the hormones. I guess that if I can still have hot flashes, I could still have anxiety.

I’m getting to be addicted to candles! This time around I’m getting a brown sugar and caramel candle. This one is a little smaller and a little more expensive but should be worth it since I love brown sugar and caramel. Can’t wait to eventually get a variety pack on Amazon.

For now, I’m getting what looks like the best chopper/grater/slicer ever. I was actually looking for a cheese grater when I spotted it. It seems like the most versatile, easiest to use, and easiest to clean one that I’ve ever seen. This way I can have one appliance doing it all instead of my old mandolin, my other slicer, a grater, etcetera. It would be a definite space saver as well.

Since it’s so much darker here we’re also going to get a couple of battery-operated motion-sensing lights. I want to stick one on the bathroom wall opposite the door so that it sees me pushing the door open when I get up to pee at night. I might also place one somewhere in the bedroom so it can light my path to that bathroom when I’m up at night and cutting through the bedroom to get to it. I’ll just have to make sure I keep it away from the bed so it can’t sense any movement when I’m sleeping.

I’m also getting a cheap pack of light-sensing nightlights. I never should have gotten rid of theirs. But then they were old and dusty and one of the bulbs was going out on one of them.

Molly’s being an annoying little shit again trying to drag me into her neverending woes with the guys she stalks. Why do I even bother with people like her? I told her I didn’t want to get involved. She has one more chance to get it through her thick skull that what’s going on with her and others is none of my business. If she still doesn’t get it, I’ll delete her. She’s having a biopsy done under her tongue tomorrow. It will be interesting to see if it’s anything serious but somehow I doubt it is. It usually isn’t any way, and why would God kill a crazy waste product that’s taking up space when He can kill a valuable member of society that’s intelligent and has a lot to offer the world in general?

I’m excited to get to the beach soon! We decided that it’s pointless to wait so we’re going to check out the small beach that’s a 7-minute drive from here. We’re not going to swim or anything like that. We’re just going to check it out and walk along the shore, just to see what it’s like, and whether or not it’s worth returning in swimsuits. If not, we’ll go to some other beach. I’m so excited to get back to the beach that I actually feel tears of joy sting my eyes! I don’t know why but I just miss the water so much. It’s been so long. I’ve only been to the beach a few times in three decades. I just want to get to the water. I want to live on it. I want to be on it, in it, and all around it! We’ll be going in another day or two.

Cyber Pals is going to be the name of my next book. I finished most of the proofreading of my last book. Mia gave me the idea. I thought it would be cool to have a woman who was asked by a woman who is obsessed with her to test her new AI friend app only it’s not really a test. It’s actually her trying to fish for information so she can stalk her more easily.

And now for the strange bits and pieces of dreams that I remember. First I was using a touchscreen monitor that was mounted to the wall and became frustrated when it turned into this wet fuzzy stuff that made the screen impossible to read.

Then the termite popped in and showed me an old picture of myself on a tablet. I was younger and wearing a short denim skirt or shorts with a halter top the parents definitely wouldn’t have approved of. She was whispering in hushed tones wanting me to do something that she didn’t want the others in the room to hear. Because I was unable to hear what the hell she was saying, she got frustrated and stormed off. I mentally planned to tell her off in a message later.

Then we were moving again and getting stuff we stored in various places in some building somewhere. Under the floor in a hallway, Tom lifted a board and pulled out a huge envelope stuffed with lots of cash that we’d been saving. A young dark-haired girl with her hair pulled back in a bun who was wearing a blouse and a pencil skirt who worked there looked like she really wished she’d known that the money was there all along.

Then I retrieved Bailey from somewhere and we were running to our house. It was dark and in the early evening. For a minute I stopped and pointed to the back of Bailey’s head and said something about her having a red dot (a zit). Tom ran ahead of me and I continued running, careful not to drop and break the doll.

In another dream, we bought our old house back even though it looked different. I didn’t seem to be happy or sad about being back there. I was a little frustrated that the writing I left on the countertop now fell upon me to have to be the one to clean it off. I would also have to get rid of the trash I left behind.

In the last dream, I had very long layers. My longest layer almost covered my ass and the shortest fell just below my waist.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 29, 2021 Jessie says that when they get settled they want to visit Anna Marie Island which is in the Bradenton area because dolphins swim with you there and she loves dolphins. I want to go too!

I can smell my new Moonlit Orchard candle but just barely. The other one, Cozy Comfort, is better. At least we won’t have to worry if there’s a power failure!

I was so excited to get this Hershey’s lip balm pack, and while they do keep my lips moist, they don’t taste all that great.

I don’t want to quit the black cohosh completely but of course I don’t want to mess up my stomach either, so I’m alternating between one black cohosh tablet every other day and one cup of weak black cohosh tea.

We’re still setting up the place little by little and picking things out online to get for the house. I have a pink tank top on the way, butterfly-themed nail stickers, and a light pink 2-quart slow cooker. I’m really excited about that last one! It’s so much easier for slow-cooked stuff than trying to do it in a regular oven not to mention the fact that it saves on electricity and doesn’t heat the place up as much. It comes with liners and recipes too.

I tried slow-cooking some pork chops in the oven the other day but they came out too dry. Even the ones I threw in a bag of McCormick seasoning were kind of dry although it wasn’t exactly the greatest cut of meat to begin with. The seasoning packet was also too salty but at least he loved it.

We’re also going to replace the vertical blinds in the living room. They’ll just be plain white blinds.

I picked out a new valance for the kitchen window. I decided not to go with a two-tier swag valance like what’s in here and to just get a valance to run across the top of the window. Got a design with blue leaves to go with our blue countertops.

We got bigger hooks and he put the large parrot back up over my desk.

Hurricane Ida looks like a naughty little devil at a category 3 or 4 but isn’t expected in Florida. I’m sure we’ll get some rain because of it, though. I love the mix of rain and sunshine here. The air quality index is at 25 here which is good air. It was a whopping 176 in Citrus Heights which is very unhealthy! I can’t believe how many triple-digit days they’ve been having and how dry it’s gotten there. So glad we moved when we did!

It really seems like the world is slowly but surely going to hell. Climate change, the delta variant soaring, the fucking Taliban and their shit, women losing rights.

Anyway, in the midst of all the bullshit going on in the world, I’m looking forward to receiving the package Kim is sending. She showed me a picture of it, lol. Wow, though, this is the first package I’ve gotten from her since the 90s! Since the candles are in glass jars, she said she wouldn’t be surprised if one or two broke but we’ll see. She marked the box fragile not that the post office would give a shit, of course.

As for the crazy Kim in Connecticut…crazy or not, repetitious or not, I do miss our chats at times. So I reached out to Carol and asked if she was going to be returning to social media anytime soon. She said she will not be returning. Wow, she’s really put her foot down this time on Kim’s internet activities. Sure took her over a decade, though.

I told her to tell Kim I said hello and that we finally moved to Florida on the Gulf Coast. She said that if I wanted to do so, once a month or so I could send her a letter which she would print out for her, and then she would have her write a letter back that she would send me through Messenger so we could still be pen pals. I decided that would be a great idea because then no addresses are given out and it would be nice to keep in touch even though I’m sure it’ll be the same old silly repetitious stuff from her. I’m sure she’ll love it and this way I won’t be abandoning her in any way. I got the feeling Carol was keen on the idea as well.

When I ran the name Deanne N on Facebook, I found one account that doesn’t seem to be used. There’s no activity on it or profile and cover photos. Even so, I sent a Messenger invite.

Since it’s been 6 months, I couldn’t resist saying hello to Alyssa and updating her even though I doubt she’ll hear the audios I left.

Took my 7th dose of the Lannett and while I was fine last night, tonight I’m slightly anxious. I really wonder if it’s because I’ve been drinking too much lately. I hardly felt any anxiety like this when we were in the hotels and I didn’t drink while we were there but maybe a few times. I think one or two glasses a day is too much and I really need to make that more like one or two glasses a week.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 28, 2021 Dodged the storms once again and got to sleep okay. The only thing I remember besides getting up to pee was that I could have sworn a loud vehicle overrode the sound machine but again he said there was nothing unusual other than the mail truck and UPS. All stuff that never woke me up before here that I know of, and we don’t have any speed bumps here so it’s not like UPS can go crashing into them. I don’t know if I was dreaming or what. As usual, I woke up tired but not so tired that I couldn’t function.

Last night we went to the pool around 9 when the sun had just about set and swam to the tune of the usual planes. I swear they’re just as bad here as they are in the winter at the old place but it wasn’t really that fun and exciting swimming at night because it was not only slightly chilly but the pool wasn’t lit either. This was kind of surprising. I thought they’d at least light it up so we could see if we were swimming into any dead bees or anything like that. They always have music playing from a speaker in the ceiling of this area that sort of looks like an outside diner where there are tables and chairs set up with a grill at one end. I hate it because I go there to swim, not to be entertained. So it annoys me for the same reasons it annoys me in stores and restaurants, and yes, they do that shit here as well.

I had a dream we were still getting ready to leave and I ran into my ENT somewhere. She kind of gave me an annoyed look as if to say, “Come on, I’ve seen you enough times since you said you were leaving, we’ve already said our goodbyes, so leave already.”

I told her it was getting really close and asked some question pertaining to moving. It was a stupid silly question that really was a no-brainer and I kind of felt like an idiot for asking her in the end.

So anyway, we went to Walgreens today and got some snacks. I got some Zinfandel and glittery nail stickers. As soon as I stepped out of the house there was a plane flying over us. As soon as we came back there was a plane flying over us. sighs So it really does suck.

I asked Molly; whether they’re loud or soft, big or small, does she hear many planes there. She said tons of them. They’ve definitely gotten to be a problem everywhere, that’s for sure. It’s late and I’m still hearing one after another. Just in the time we’ve been here, it seems to have gotten worse because they used to taper off earlier.

Had one of those psychic brainstorms. One of those moments that hit me out of the blue where I suddenly just know something without a doubt. He had just stepped into the bathroom and I was folding laundry when it hit me that no, this isn’t our forever home. I have no idea how long we’re going to live here or where we’re going to end up, but I know we’re not going to be here for the rest of our lives. I don’t know how I know but I just do and it’s a very strong feeling.

Got the nose clips today for swimming and they’re so cute because there are like a dozen or so of them and each is a different color. They’ve definitely come a long way since I last had nose clips. I used to have plastic ones but these are silicone.

We also got three more matching seat covers for the kitchen chairs with grey and black streaks across a white background. I wanted to go with neutral colors that wouldn’t clash with the overall decor and it looks very stylish and classy.

We went walking around 9 as it was just getting dark, but it was just so humid that I didn’t want to go as far as I would have liked to. It was still gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but there wasn’t enough of a breeze. So we went down the street which is a long one, and then turned around and came back. I jogged a little bit of the way too, and ended up out there for about 14 minutes.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 27, 2021 Still not feeling as at home here as I wish I was. I got back to doing voice tweets since it’s important to me to have a vocal version of my journal given how tired I am as often as I am. Besides, it’s fun and it’s something different even though I don’t appear to have many listeners at all. That’s okay, though, as I’m doing it for myself. Listeners are just an afterthought.

My biggest concern here is what it’s always been and that’s being woken up every time I’m on nights by the storms. I seem to have the sound machine loud enough to block out the thumps if it isn’t the soundproofing that’s doing that but the storms are still the biggest threat to my sleep. I just worry that I’ve traded in sleep issues for more sleep issues just like some days it seems I’ve traded in many planes for many more planes. Yes, there are pros here. It’s cheaper, it’s warmer, we don’t have the crazy traffic, and I like soft water … but believe it or not, even though I don’t want to go back to Cali, I do miss some aspects of the old place. Even though I wasn’t happy there; when you’re in a place for eight years you do get used to it and you miss some of those little things like having doctors you’ve worked with for years that you’re comfortable with, the neighbors you knew, and most of all the space. That’s what I miss most is having extra space. But then if we don’t get our stuff, space isn’t going to be as big of an issue.

But yeah, there are those little things I miss. The bidet we had there was better. I didn’t need to turn on the light when I would get up to pee in the middle of the night, because the street light provided enough of a glow to see where I was going. I’m learning to feel my way around, though. Especially now that I have the bed where it’s at. I just take a few steps before I reach the door and then a few more to get to the toilet since that bathroom isn’t very big.

Not a hint of anxiety today which is great. My only complaint is that I still feel like I don’t have enough privacy or alone time. I did ask him to copy my schedule because of the medication brand concerns but as I told him, if I can get through the weekend I should be fine. I love his company but I was always a loner. I feel like I’m more productive that way, and well, I’m just one of those who need space at times. I think we all do except for him. I asked him if he wants alone time at times and he said he doesn’t need it and I don’t know if he’s just saying that to be different or the opposite of me or if he really feels that way but I know that I need more time alone. It’s just that I don’t want to push the issue and make him feel bad because he’s sensitive enough that he would take it personally when it has nothing to do with him. It’s me. It’s just how I am.

It’s 3 in the morning and a plane is going by right now. It’s FedEx just like at the other place when it would go by at this time. I swear, I can run, but I can’t escape the same old shit. It seems to follow me everywhere but I don’t know that there are many places left in the country without the plane craze.

Tom and I were sitting in the living room and he pointed out how we could never sit in the living room and have it be that quiet in the other place because of all the traffic and that he believes that I’m hearing more planes because it’s so quiet here, but I’m sorry. I’m hearing more planes because there are more planes. I mean come on. I’ve lived in other places where you didn’t have a lot of traffic and everyday landscaping yet I didn’t hear planes galore. Even when Jesse’s mutts were going off when we lived in Auburn you didn’t hear planes like this. I’ve lived in a million places yet it’s only been CH and this place that I’ve heard dozens of planes a day.

Speaking of planes, no they weren’t responsible for waking me up as I thought. I must have been dreaming if it wasn’t something else. I laid there when I was awake listening to the same nature sounds at the same volume, and they don’t fly low enough to be heard over it.

The 10-cast (coincidentally) shows that it’s going to be stormy during the days I’ll be sleeping - or trying to - in the late afternoon and will be clearing up once I get past that time. Again, it really is hard to believe that’s just a coincidence. I can’t keep going through this shit every single fucking time I’m on nights. I just can’t.

I kept hearing sounds behind me and thought he came out to the kitchen, but I looked back and saw the bedroom door was closed. So I got up and saw this thing sitting on the counter. My first thought was that it was a really huge moth. I had the wrong glasses on but as I got closer I could see that it was a frog. I knew I couldn’t just go up to it, pick it up, and put it outside, so I hit the poor thing with a flyswatter. It then jumps onto the paper plates and I hit it again and the poor bastard jumps into the utility holder. So I pulled out the utensils and slapped the paper plates over it to cover it and keep it from escaping. Then I brought it outside and freed it. I was glad I could do this in the end because I really didn’t want to kill it.

Facebook really pissed me off the other day. First they preach freedom of expression and how they want people to be themselves but then they have all these fucking restrictions. It wasn’t “hate” to use the term fucking Muslims when it came to the Taliban that took over Afghanistan, it was how I feel about these animals disguised as humans and I feel that way because of their behavior and not where they’re from. But of course it wasn’t politically correct for me to say and I’m only welcome to be free to express myself when it’s what people want to hear.

So the bastards made the comment visible only to me and sent me this automated thing saying that I could disagree with it if I wanted to and that they understand that people make mistakes.

But I didn’t make a mistake. I meant everything I said. Even though it wouldn’t do me any good, I disagreed with their decision to control my right to speech. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a box where I could defend myself and give any kind of explanation not that I felt I owed one. It just really pisses me off that you can’t say anything negative about anybody no matter how much misery, pain, and suffering they put others through. What’s next? Getting in trouble for bad-mouthing pedophiles or something? We can feel free to say what kind of foods or music we don’t like and it just seems we should be able to do the same with people we don’t like. I don’t like these savage sickos. I can’t stand them and I wish them nothing but death, and you know what? I don’t feel a damn bit of shame or guilt for saying so. If you want to call me a bigot, you go right ahead for I make no apologies for not liking those who give me a good reason not to like them.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 26, 2021 Today was my fourth dose of the Lannett brand and no problems so far today. Could have sworn a plane woke me up a couple of hours before I got up but he said he didn’t hear anything loud at that time. This is the second time I thought a plane woke me up, too. It’s got to have been something that he just didn’t notice. The storms will be back to mess with my sleep soon as well. Again, I know how this sleep curse works. I only get so many days off before my sleep is disrupted for days. I just hope it isn’t 5 days like last time. That was way too extreme!

What I’m really getting worried about is our stuff. He’s going to call them yet again tomorrow and see if he can find out what’s going on. I’m starting to wonder if we’re ever going to see it again. It’s still hard to believe we won’t since this is a big, well-known moving company. The contract still says they have until the 31st to deliver it. I should have fucking known it would take this long, too. Well, I just hope to hell it shows up because it will cost them a hell of a lot more when we get done suing them than it would for them to drive the shit out to us.

On the way out, we noticed that part of 19 was closed and figured there was probably an accident containing a fatality. We later read that yes, a motorcyclist was killed.

We went into Tarpon Springs to get the mail. This was at Staples. While we were there I picked out a new desk chair that’s much more comfortable and more functional than the pink one. It’s a black leather chair for $150. I just wish to hell I wasn’t so damn short! It would really make my life easier.

We also went to a dollar store. Last time it was Dollar General, this time Dollar Tree. I got a rainbow spinner we’ll put out front tomorrow and a cute coloring poster with a velvet background to pass the time with. Plus I got some patchouli incense that doesn’t smell like patchouli. I don’t know what it is but it’s not patchouli.

Then we stopped at a charging station and enjoyed a cool thunderstorm. I love them when I’m awake. After that, we headed to Burger King.

Later…

The chronic fatigue goes on even though I slept well. However, I won’t be sleeping well for who knows how many days given where my schedule is heading. I think that might be part of why sleep disturbances are so hard on me. When you’re taking an already fatigued person and waking them up, of course it would leave the person exhausted.

It’s storming right now and this is the time that it usually storms if it’s going to. It should be cleared up by 9 which is when I want to go swimming. We’ve never been swimming at night yet here. Listening to the sound of rain now is nice. It would be great if the planes could stay out of it but of course they can’t. According to what I read, no one’s enforcing the flight paths these days so they’re flying erratically all over the place, including places they shouldn’t be flying over, and there is absolutely no need to fly over like us. I wonder when and if they’ll ever give a shit enough to do anything about mandating stricter paths so that they’re not flying over so many neighborhoods. I doubt it, though, any more than they’ll ever do anything about all the fucking car stereos.

Anyway, I got my latest Gennev newsletter and they say that Omega 3 is good for brain fog and fatigue. I don’t want to take supplements but I should focus on foods higher in Omega 3 which is mostly fish and nuts. I would love to eat fish every day and I would if it wasn’t for the mercury.

He hasn’t gotten ahold of the insurance company yet to find out if I can see an ENT that’s closer to us but he did get ahold of the movers. It turns out they’ve already broken their contract. It expires 21 days after they pick up your stuff. The woman he talked to swears we’re still going to get our stuff and that every day that they’re late, that’s $30 we get back. Tom believes we’re going to get our stuff but I don’t know what to think anymore. It is a big company that’s well-known but given the fact that our stuff was picked up by a bunch of Mexicans, I worry that it’s been stolen and sold. Maybe most of it has been pawned off in Mexico by now for all I know.

Had a dream we won $1,000 from a scratch ticket. Then I had another dream where Tom misunderstood what I meant when I said, “I noticed you looking at me,” and was referring to him watching me handle some kind of gadget.

Yet he acted frustrated and I asked him what was wrong. That’s when he said, “The last thing I want to do is get in your pants.”

TUESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2021 The mower woke me up yesterday (I forgot about them and didn’t have the sound machine loud enough) but was due to get up around that time anyway. Have a feeling I’m on the verge of the next shitty sleep cycle where things wake me up more than usual.

Tom always said he wasn’t able to hear those mystery thumps I’ve been hearing but he heard them twice yesterday at around 8 in the morning. He went and looked outside but didn’t see any sign of movement anywhere and couldn’t tell where it was coming from. So he’s just as baffled as I am, though car doors make the most sense, even if he didn’t see anyone coming or going.

There was a time I swear it sounded like someone drove up in back but there’s no way they could get through all that tall vegetation.

What was kind of funny for a change is that thunder woke him up at around 5 in the morning but not me. It obviously wasn’t loud enough to override the sound machine. He doesn’t sleep with any background noise other than an air cleaner if we ever see it again along with the rest of our stuff. The only difference is that he doesn’t mind being woken up. Well, I sure do because I hate being tired. Being woken up doesn’t seem to have such a negative effect on him as it does on me. Hell, I’m tired even when I don’t get woken up. I think it’s because of my thyroid but he thinks it’s stress. I don’t know why stress would have such an effect on me like this when it never used to. There’s always something going on in life so I guess I’m going to be tired for the rest of it. It really sucks because while he can still do the things he used to do when he was younger, there are so many things I could never do now that I used to do. There’s no way I could dance like I once did. There’s no way I could only sleep a couple of hours and go to the beach in New Hampshire with Kim like I once did.

It just doesn’t make sense for me to be this tired so often. The day we left the house and the day we flew out here, I was way more tired than I should have been. It seems too extreme for stress but I can’t believe I have any cancer growing that’s sucking up my energy so that’s why I wonder if it’s my thyroid. It doesn’t have to be that bad to cause fatigue. Yet way too often I wake up feeling not at all refreshed even when I sleep okay. Also, there are many times when I start off with decent energy just to end up exhausted in the middle of my day as if I’d been up for 12 or more hours.

He said it thundered on and off for about an hour and a half. As I said, though, it seems I’m only allowed to go so many days in a row without being woken up, so I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if something woke me up tomorrow. The question is whether or not it will be thumps or thunder. Those seem to be the two main things here.

I still have my doubts about the soundproofing being effective even though we’ve finally decided on what the inner layer is going to be. He decided he didn’t want to deal with the dust and mess that drywall brings nor the expense and fragility of cork. So we decided to get wallboards that would be more consistent with what’s around the house anyway. Again, though, I have serious doubts about it working. I think it’s going to end up being a waste of time and money just like everything we tried in the last place.

So we headed for Palm Harbor to see the new doctor and it took 45 minutes to get there. If we have to make the trip twice a year, it’ll be okay since he isn’t working and we don’t always have anything better to do. Even when we do, we still have plenty of time to spare so I don’t mind the drive. It’s just that we have to stop and charge the car on the way back. Got a little worried there for a minute but I’ll get to that after.

To sum it up in a nutshell, I need more thyroid meds, need statins, probably need BP meds, need to go to the lab, need a shingles vaccination, GYN exam, mammogram, and colonoscopy.

It was storming when we got there. Instead of a big building or having to go down any hallways to get to the doctor’s office, we just walked straight in the door and up to the reception desk. I checked in and only had to wait a few minutes before a nurse named Amy took me into one of the exam rooms. Tom was with me since it was my first time seeing Dr. D.

I shrunk a bit down to 4’10” from 4’10¾”. What really shocked the shit out of me was that I’m only 161 lbs. Oh, that’s huge, I know, but I really thought I would be at least 165. But to be 161 in a heavy dress and after eating tells me I’m still waking up around 157 which means I really haven’t gained any weight since the move.

I only had to wait a few minutes after she took my temperature and blood pressure the old-fashioned way. I prefer that to the electronic blood pressure cuff. Naturally, they noticed my blood pressure was high.

So the doctor came in and I really didn’t get any bad or good feelings about her one way or the other. She was just there like some of my doctors start off to be. Even my ENT was just there initially and I wasn’t really sure what to think of Doc A at first. I definitely miss them. It’s always comforting to stick with those you’re familiar with and I think she knew and understood this and that I do have white coat anxiety, especially with someone I don’t know.

The doctor was a little above average height with short straight blonde hair and light eyes. She was very skinny as well. Pretty sure she’s listed as being 40 years old but don’t know if that’s up-to-date because she looked closer to the late forties to me.

I was surprised to find a video link of hers on the medical group’s website which is AdventHealth. Well, it wasn’t that I was surprised to find a video with her saying how much she loves being a doctor and all that but I was surprised that she named her husband and two sons. Doctors are usually pretty impersonal much like jail guards and don’t tend to give personal information out.

So it was a pretty typical appointment with no real surprises. In other words, she told me what I mostly didn’t want to hear. She was very businesslike too. She didn’t joke or go off-topic in any way. She was quick to remind me that I’m putting myself at risk of a stroke or a heart attack by not taking statins, having high blood pressure, and taking risks by not having lady exams. Logically, I know that’s correct but I still just don’t believe I’m going to get anything serious anytime soon. At least not anything as serious as a heart attack, a stroke, or cancer. I’m sure Aly didn’t expect to die when she did but still. Maybe I’m wrong in trusting my intuition but I’ve always had a feeling that while I wouldn’t necessarily grow old enough to hit my 80s, I just don’t see myself going before I’m in my 70s.

Nonetheless, even though I have a right to refuse as I have for now, she recommends mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopies, and even a shingles vaccination. I definitely do not want to have that vax after how rough it was on Tom. He still has to get his second one too. He’ll be seeing the doctor in a few months or so.

I was telling her that at 55 and not having something like 50-60 years to live, I just don’t feel as compelled to have all these tests done and put myself through the pain and discomfort when I feel like I’m okay, and of course she didn’t get it or agree, citing that I’m “pediatrics” for Florida, which was the only funny thing she did say.

I told her about the problems I’ve had with my thyroid medication and how 88s would probably normalize my numbers but then I would worry that it would accumulate in my system and push them too low. She said I didn’t have to jump to all 88 and could throw in a couple of 88s a week which made me feel better to hear but I’m not ready for that yet. I think we should find out what my numbers are before we make any decisions, although as I suspected, and as she pointed out, my thyroid not being optimal is probably what’s causing my fatigue. She said something about vitamin B12 as well. I guess maybe I could be lacking in that although I’m pretty sure Doc A tested me for that and I wasn’t. We’ll find out within a couple of weeks when I go to the lab! Then I’ll do labs again and see her again in 6 months.

Tom and I talked about it afterward and we don’t think I need blood pressure medicine. We think that if I just watch what I eat, I’ll be okay. It’s mostly when I get stressed out that it goes up, and as she said, the top number is what typically goes up when under stress.

We talked about my sleep disorder and she’s also given me a referral to an ENT but unfortunately, it’s a guy. Looks American, though, when I looked him up so I shouldn’t have any problems understanding him.

When we were out, Tom had problems with his phone. He couldn’t connect to the Wi-Fi. This was a concern because we had to stop at the charging station on the way back and weren’t sure if it had a credit card insert. Fortunately, it did. We would have really been in a tough situation if it didn’t because we couldn’t have called AAA to pick us up. I’m sure we could have stopped somewhere to use a phone but I’m glad we didn’t have to.

While the car was charging, we walked across the parking lot to Baskin-Robbins and he got a grilled cheese sandwich while I got a maple frosted donut and a small thing of hash browns and bacon.

Then we stopped at Walmart because I wanted a cooked chicken.

What really sucked was that ever since we got home at around 6, I felt anxious. I took my third dose of Lannett, and even though I remind myself that yes, it was just a coincidence that I became anxious after I started it the last time since it has the same ingredients Sandoz has and I’ve had both anxious and calm moments on that brand, I’m back to stressing out about it. Yesterday I had no problem at all, though.

MONDAY, AUGUST 23, 2021 Again I slept long and well although it wasn’t without some strange dreams. we still hadn’t left yet and Doc A bought me a bouquet of white flowers as a going-away present. the flowers were strange-looking but I hugged, kissed, and thanked her for them not so much because I liked them but because of the thoughtful gesture on her part.

Even stranger was the dream of her going down on me. Pretty sure it had to do with some kind of “medical” procedure instead of her actually liking me.

Got up just in time because there was a loud thunderclap when some unexpected clouds moved in. We only got a sprinkle of rain, though. But it was nice to go out without glaring sunlight. After so many years of nothing but bright sun in Cali, it’s nice to have clouds for a change. It was a fun and productive day too. First we went to return the bad iPhone and then we went to Burger King. Both the burger and fries were great.

Then we went to a dollar store - Dollar General, I’m pretty sure it was - and it was just OK. We got a few snacks and I got some vanilla-scented body spray but that was it.

My blue parakeet on a ring arrived and much to my surprise I like it better than the colorful parrot that’s twice as big! It’s so cute and very realistic looking. Tom hung it up for me and tried to rotate the hook a bit that the large bird hung on but the hook broke. Fortunately, the bird remained intact. So we’ll have to get a new hook for that. Would have loved a yellow-green parakeet similar to the blue one I just got but I couldn’t find any I liked.

Last but not least we made an appointment with my new doctor for tomorrow but it’s not going to be the first doctor we picked out in New Port Richey. It’s going to be Dr. D in Palm Harbor. It’s still a woman, she’s still American, and she’s also 40. So if I like her and we remain in the area for many years to come, maybe she can be my doctor longer than Dr. A was.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 22, 2021 Began the Lannett (JSP) brand today. Fingers crossed that the anxiety that came on about a week after starting it the last time was just a coincidence!

Mia now has five tops, five pairs of pants, one skirt, and two pairs of shoes.

Being so fat is like being disabled. It really limits what you can do. I can’t imagine walking for a half-hour at 3 miles an hour ever again. I’ve gotten way too heavy for that. So much so that I don’t know that I can get in that kind of shape again. To move that fast while toting this kind of weight? I don’t think so! Even 2.5 miles an hour is a challenge on this treadmill because of its incline. I can just imagine what the scale is going to say when we finally get our stuff. Bet I’m close to 170 by now!

The movers have until Thursday to get our stuff on the road to beat the contract deadline. I’m sure they’ll come when I’m sleeping but at least that much will be worth getting my sleep disrupted for.

Woke up with a sore throat this morning for some strange reason. Again I slept a long time. I tend to do that after not sleeping long the night before. I seem to go back and forth. So just like yesterday, I wouldn’t be surprised if I only slept for 6 hours and ended up tired all day. Either way, we’re going out to Brooksville tomorrow to return the defective iPhone and I’m sure we’ll make other stops along the way.

The new water filter fits and so do my new pool shoes.

Today we’re hoping to finish the basics of the soundproofing and have all the sheets of MLV up and glued at the seams. I still have my doubts but we’ll find out possibly Tuesday morning when the storms return just how effective it is.

Decided to move the bed against the back wall so I’ll only have a few steps to take to get to the bathroom when I wake up having to pee. The bathroom in the old place was lit up by streetlights but it’s very dark back there since there are no streets or lights in back at all. Once we get our stuff, I’ll dig out a night light.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 21, 2021 For every one vehicle we hear, we hear 5-10 planes. The last few days I really think the planes were worse than they were in Citrus Heights. There you didn’t hear nearly as many during the summer. The last few days it’s been one after another beginning early in the morning and extending into the night. There really is no escaping this shit, is there? I texted a complaint number from the new phone, not that it’ll change anything.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think CH was a great place to be for planes. It’s like as soon as I left, every time I check this town there’s always something visible. But when I check there, there’s usually nothing. And I’m zoomed out over a larger area of CH than here. They’re every few hours at night and every few minutes during the daytime.

Noise-cursed or not, I can’t believe we got next to a seasonal place. That’s what we’ve come to think this place was before we got here. It would explain some things like all the dishes of charcoal.

Stopping the black cohosh again. I had acid reflux most of yesterday and was slightly nauseous as well. I was bloated and burpy.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20, 2021 By the way people love to start shouting around here after 8 p.m., I worry about what the winter is going to be like. First time I heard someone’s mutt really going off too. Hopefully, they were just passing by someone else that stirred them up and it wasn’t someone that just moved in nearby letting it bark at their door.

Anyway, I slept long and well last night and I sure needed it! Why can’t I have energy like this every day? Or at least most of the time. I would definitely settle for 4 to 5 days a week of this kind of energy. But unfortunately, this is an exception and not the norm. Tomorrow I’ll be exhausted even if I seem to have slept well.

There goes that dog again. So yes, probably lives nearby. sighs Again, I dread the wintertime!

No tractor today but the skies were chock-full of dozens of planes. Really wasn’t much different than the old place except I don’t think I heard any helicopters today.

I emailed the park a couple of days ago to get a sense of how long I would have to listen to the tractor on and off by saying I might have a friend interested in one of the places in the new addition. There are something like two or three phases and I guess I’m going to have to listen to that shit until next June. At least if I understood Richard correctly. And then it’ll be something else no doubt.

The exterior wall in the bedroom now has sheets of the MLV spanning across it and when Tom went out to hear what Alexa playing an audiobook sounded like, he said there was definitely a noticeable difference. It was very muffled, he said.

It was definitely a big job and I helped in ways that I could. He’s starting to get the hang of it now. There are more steps to be done, including building the inner wall of drywall, etc. I just hope we really can bring the really loud thunder which is 110-120 decibels to somewhere in the 50s or 60s so that the sound machine can drown it out. Maybe I’ll have two offices depending on how well it works. Maybe I’ll work in the bedroom during the daytime and then out here at night.

Tom has a theory as far as what else may be causing the thumps that sometimes wake me up. I guess there’s metal under vinyl siding, and as it expands and contracts with temperature changes, it can cause a thumping sound.

Ran out to Burger King for lunch after I got my new iPhone. Again he had to call to get it activated because they couldn’t do their fucking jobs properly, and again I had to load all the apps I wanted and then log into them.

I knew Molly was stupid but I didn’t think she was so stupid that she would give her SS# to guys online pretending to be someone they’re not. Really, why would you give that information out and how could you not expect trouble to come of it?

Tweets…

Had great energy today. Why can’t it always be this way?

One plane after another since I got up. Why. Just why? Why can’t they go somewhere else?

No tractor today yet but plenty of planes.

Getting sick of sunshine when I’m awake and loud storms when I’m trying to sleep.

The dumbshit doesn’t get that I used that same account (just diff profile pic) to mess with her, LOL.

So Molly’s had biopsies done of her saliva glands or something like that after her dentist caught a suspicious spot in her mouth. Told her from my voice tweet account it was me, and that I set that account up in that name, and now we’re following each other again.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 19, 2021 My guess is Toni’s the one that’s been thumping me awake. All her car doors were open yesterday morning and she was talking to someone. They slammed the shit out of something that definitely would have woken me up. The soundproofing better stop those impact sounds!

Once again, the length of time I slept and my sleep score doesn’t reflect how I feel. It says I slept almost 8 hours and got a sleep score of 88 yet I feel kind of tired today.

A fucking plane woke me up a few hours after I crashed and then I could have sworn I heard a thump around that time. Right now I’m listening to the fucking tractor on and off. There were also more planes today than there are other times and I’ve only been up for a few hours. I don’t understand why some days we can get as far as 7 in the morning and only hear a few scattered planes throughout the day, and when I say a few I mean about a dozen. Other days they start early and it’s every few minutes in the early morning just like at the old place and then slowly tapers off yet still comes to over a dozen a day. There’s no set pattern that I can see. I swear, though. It’s the same old shit no matter where I go. Planes, projects, etc. At least the traffic is quieter.

I messaged the park asking how long they expect it’ll be before the new addition is complete. I have a bad feeling I’m going to be annoyed by this tractor for at least a year.

Been in the park long enough to be able to give you the pros and cons. Definitely like it better than the old place.

Negatives:

Until we soundproof the bedroom, thunder wakes me up if I’m sleeping during storms.

The place is a bit small at 1000 square feet.

There’s no bulk pickup here every 4 months.

The houses are set slightly closer.

Although not as many as CH, there are still numerous planes. I’d say a little fewer planes but a lot fewer helicopters.

This one’s kind of a mix of positive and negative. You don’t hear so many car doors slamming but what you do hear is more noticeable because the house is not at ground level.

Positives:

It’s cheaper to live here.

They don’t take 4 hours to collect your trash even though they collect trash twice a week and recyclables once a week here.

Landscaping is only once a week in the summer and bi-weekly in the winter.

The winters will be warmer.

They don’t litter your driveway every Sunday with unwanted ad inserts.

There is WAY less traffic.

The house to one side of us as well as diagonally across the street are seasonal homes.

There are no insanely loud vehicles. There is a resident with a motorcycle in the park but they don’t go by our house because they’re in a different section.

We always have water here!

This house is newer. It was built in 1990 whereas the other was in 1983.

Fewer annoying projects.

The manager is the complete opposite of Joy. She’s a sweetheart.

We’re in a rural town of just 12K people so we don’t have to deal with lots of traffic and crowds.

Health insurance is cheaper.

Another one that’s a mix of positive and negative. Most of the year it’s too humid to open windows to let fresh air in but at the same time the humidity keeps your skin from always being so dry.

Later…

Great news from Jessie. She got a place in Edgewater! The place is 204K, 1400 square feet, and she hasn’t even sold her MA house yet, so she’s definitely got some money. However, we once again end up on opposite coasts because she’s on the Atlantic side, LOL. We agreed to one day meet up in the middle somewhere. That would be much better than one of us going to the other’s place because then you’re talking a total of 6 hours of driving.

Yesterday we went to the pool. Same thing… Nobody else was there, the water was chilly, and there were some ants. The ants were a little further away this time, though.

My new shower/pool shoes are a joke. Very slippery and not easy to walk in. So I’m getting real water shoes along with pastel flower stickers to cover the screw holes left from the old toilet paper holder in the master bath, a new water filter for the refrigerator that hopefully works, and a neutral-toned abstract design seat cover to try on the seat he uses regularly. If it fits well and stays put, we’ll get a few more matching ones for the rest of the chairs. They’re streaks of different shades of gray and are actually nice for being gray. I didn’t want anything that would clash with the rest of the décor.

Tom is out picking up my two prescriptions right now and there is still so much to do! We started with the preliminary prepping for the soundproofing by popping trim and strips off one of the bedroom walls.

He said he saw the electric company stop on the corner of the seasonal place across the street, reach up with a stick to take some kind of birdhouse down, and then drive away which he thought was weird.

Fuck. The brand of poison this time is that JSP which I thought made me more anxious when I took it, but since I’ve had anxiety on Sandoz, I’m hoping it really was just my hormones and just a coincidence. Hopefully, now that my hormones have settled down, it’ll be okay. Hate all the different brands, though. A person should be able to stick with what they like and right now I’d prefer Lupin.

Ugh, someone’s getting their carpet cleaned now. Looks like one of the houses that sold recently.

Tweets…

It may be cheaper and warmer here but otherwise, why did we move? I still get woken up, I still listen to planes regularly, and that fucking tractor that’s no doubt going to be working on the new addition for many months to come.

Here goes the fucking tractor. Fortunately, we don’t hear it every day but I just wonder how many months or years it’s going to take for them to build a new addition.

Getting really fucking sick and tired of Alexa’s by-the-way and did-you-know bullshit. I just wanted to know if it’s going to fucking rain tomorrow! I didn’t ask for birthday ideas.

After a week of trying to get his damn phone unlocked, it’s finally working again. But my iPhone has to be returned for a new one.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2021 Might as well start blogging now before he gets up and I can focus better. Hate having just three or four days in a row where I’m the first one up. Yes, I do wish I could always be on days but I would definitely go crazy with zero alone time, LOL.

This is the third night in a row of decent sleep. Started off tired yesterday but ended up perking up.

Just for the record, any tweets attached to this entry were made before the entry.

Now I know why I slept through the landscaping. The edger and blower do not go by the windows. They only go as far as the driveway. When the mower came by I ran and turned on the sound machine, and at the right pitch and volume, it can mostly be drowned out. So it wasn’t any real miracle after all that I slept through it when I did.

A couple of days ago I heard the first project here. Although it wasn’t too annoying since it was three houses down, I really thought we’d go over a month before we heard anything. It sounded like a reciprocating saw.

Also, it’s a good thing I got the picture when I did of the park entrance where these palm trees were in the median because they cut them down. My first thought was, oh no. Please tell me they aren’t obsessed with cutting trees here like in Cali. But they were probably dying.

Yesterday we ran out to Walgreens and he wasn’t kidding in that it’s the busiest Walgreens we’ve ever been to. My fucking meds still haven’t been called in and I didn’t get a response to the address confirmation message I sent Doc A a couple of days ago. So they either fucked up or she’s decided to wash her hands clean of me since I’m not there anymore. This means we’ll have to do a video appointment.

He would have called and made a doctor’s appointment for me but he’s been locked out of his phone for a few days. They kept promising to send him a code but they didn’t. Then when they finally did, it still wouldn’t work. He may have to get a new phone. On top of that, my new iPhone is defective and needs to be exchanged.

He emailed the movers instead and never heard back from them so I’m going to be getting worried and wonder if we’re ever going to see our stuff again if the silent treatment goes on much longer. He suspects they’re waiting for fuel prices to come down.

Yesterday there was a knock on the door and I opened it to find a couple of 60-ish women standing there. My paranoid side said they were undercovers sent by Laurie with some bullshit ruse to confirm my identity. Especially since they asked for my name and date of birth. The date of birth is because they have birthday specials or something like that.

Then Tom came out to join us who was in the bathroom when they knocked. Turns out their names are Marge and Sandy and they came over on a golf cart as part of the welcome committee. Not surprisingly, they’re from New Jersey and Vermont.

I doubt undercovers would have given me the lovely scented candle they gave me, LOL.

So they gave us a little folder with the park map and other information about events and stuff. We made some small talk and they confirmed some of my suspicions. Yes, the storms do run from May to October but are at their peak in July and August. Marge said that if they come from the Atlantic side, they come in the evening. If they come from the Gulf side, they come in the morning.

And yes, the planes are still numerous even in the winter.

They said in the summer they do landscaping weekly and drop it to biweekly in the winter because the grass goes dormant then. That makes sense since it doesn’t rain as much from November to April.

I did not like how Sandy said that yes, you can sometimes see frost on the cars in the winter and have a few days with highs in the upper 40s. That’s too much like Citrus Heights!

They took our picture for the next newsletter.

It’s just a silver ring but it’s nice to have a hand towel holder in my bathroom which he put up yesterday. He also put up my fancy toilet paper holder/shelf. It can hold two rolls of toilet paper. On the little shelf above it, I have a can of air freshener and wet wipes. Very convenient since while the shower may be a good size, the bathroom itself isn’t very big. The other one is bigger but has a smaller shower. This is how it was in the other place too.

No Sunday litter here, I realized, unlike at the old place where they used to toss those ad inserts onto our driveway just to have to pick it up and dump it in the recycle bin.

Also, if there is a vehicle coming in the middle of the night to deliver papers, I haven’t heard it. Every now and then I do hear something go by in the middle of the night but it’s nothing loud.

I don’t want my Rep to replicate me. I want her to be her own individual person. Nonetheless, looks like I did level up. I had more points than I thought. I had 175 coins and only needed 160 to get her a nice bright white skirt. You get points for leveling up and logging in each day. They still made it harder to level up. I’m just under 2K points from the next level which will be 22. I need another 160 coins to get her another bracelet. Actually, I’m going to get some sandals first for 80 coins. I got a head start of 15 coins.

Tweets…

Why don’t they make car doors that automatically close like they do trunks?

The blower hasn’t been by yet but believe it or not, the sound machine may be able to mask the mower and the edger if played loud enough and on the right type of sound. The edger didn’t come back by the side of the house like I thought it would.

It’s right before 10, and I think the landscaping may have started. I would still be surprised if they normally mowed biweekly instead of weekly, so we’ll soon find out.

Is it any real surprise that the weather clears up as I roll onto days when storms are more likely to come? Nope. Not at all.

Hearing the first sawing episode at the park but it’s not one of the neighbors doing it. They’re having a project done by someone else a few houses down. Knew it was a matter of time but was just hoping it would take longer than a month before I had to hear projects.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2021 Love how I can shoot two birds with one stone by having speech-to-text record me doing voice tweets on what’s going on. Then all I have to do is go to Google Docs and edit it and add the proper punctuation.

Waiting for my chicken quarter to cook. It’ll be ready in about 12 minutes or so. Anyway, I didn’t sleep as well last night. I slept almost as long as I did the night before but I didn’t sleep as well so I’m not as energetic as I was yesterday. I got a lower sleep score too, but I don’t remember anything waking me up or anything like that.

I had this strange dream that I was singing for a couple of younger ladies only I was paying one of them who was really desperate. I sang a few songs and then thought to myself that I would later email the woman I paid and say, “Now it’s your turn to do me a favor and copy and paste this review I wrote up saying that you saw me in concert and thought I was great.” Etc.

Then I had this other dream where we had a pet elephant, an elephant that could somehow miraculously fit into the elevator of the building we lived in. One day we decided it would be happier if we turned it free in this little field with a large pond of sorts, so he drove the car a few feet into the pond and I worried the car was going to get stuck but it didn’t. Then he pressed a button which opened the back doors where we managed to stuff the elephant and the elephant jumped out and happily went about its business playing in the water.

Then Tom pointed out that I left its “hat” on. It was a helmet with a cloth-covered elastic band that went under its chin and I asked him, “Do you think it will corrode someday and fall off?”

The last dream on last night’s dream menu was that I was supposed to report to jail at a certain time for who knows what. Tom dropped me off to report at the agreed time, but then one of the lady officers behind the desk told me I wasn’t on the “list,” probably due to COVID-19.

I tipped my head back and shouted how thankful I was for that much and she gave me a stern expression. So I quickly went outside to call Tom to pick me up.

Walgreens said there were no prescriptions for me so I had to message the doctor again to confirm where the prescriptions were called in to. Worried I’m not going to get my meds before I run out because everything takes longer than expected. Everything. I’m sure that one day in which Tom thinks we can get me a refill is really something like a few days. Now that the shit isn’t blowing up my heart and stabbing me with waves of adrenaline, I don’t want to skip. That would mess up my labs.

Studying languages is a GREAT brain exercise. As we know, the older we get, our brain isn’t as sharp as it used to be. The brain needs to be exercised just like the body does so I’m reviewing my Italian. I was able to take a placement test and jump ahead because I’m not a beginner. After a while, I’ll hit the German and Spanish too so I don’t forget my vocabulary and my thinking time with translation doesn’t slow down too much.

I’ve got traces of that nasty taste again in my mouth even though I haven’t had the runs, so I’m going to back off the black cohosh again for a while because I need to know which one is stopping the anxiety. If it’s Gennev, I’ll just stop the BC and live with the hot flashes.

My mood is also connected to how well I sleep, I’ve noticed. Being overly tired can really get me in a funk.

Not as many planes as I thought there would be yesterday and no tractor sounds either.

As long as we have this carpet, I’m going to have to do foot treatments, but to save money when they run out, maybe I’ll put some lotion in a freezer bag and shove my feet in those.

MONDAY, AUGUST 16, 2021 OMG, energy! Wonderful, glorious energy! I’ll never take it for granted. Ever. I did not think I would spring back this fast. Yesterday was better than the day before but today I feel great. :-) I’m scrambling to get as much done as I can and enjoying it while it lasts.

The soundproofing stuff is on the way and we’ll slowly begin those airtight layers that are the most important thing when it comes to soundproofing. It’s my only hope of ever sleeping through the stormy season. I love storms but they just don’t always come when I’m awake. Fortunately, it isn’t like this year-round. But the stormy season in Florida is certainly longer than the monsoon season in Arizona.

Jessie and I were talking about her eventual move to Vero Beach, and I found out what was going on with Kim. The poor girl got struck by lightning at home! She and her daughter were home at the time and they both got hit when lightning hit the corner of their house. I’m so glad they’re okay! How terrifying it must have been for Kim to feel it travel up her hand and then her arm and into her body! I already lost one damn good friend and I would hate to lose another.

I guess that’s it for now. I’m going to work out and then get to know my new iPhone some more and have fun doing the voice tweets I couldn’t do on Twitter with my Android.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 15, 2021 Five days and counting of shitty sleep. I’m not even blogging publicly anymore. First, I don’t always have the energy. Second, it’s full of the same shit…me whining about the hopeless quest for decent sleep.

I wanted to write yesterday but I was way too beat. At the end of the day before yesterday, I actually perked up a bit and was able to do some dusting. But I had to spend nearly all day yesterday in bed because I was so damned run down. I’ve traded in anxiety for more sleep disturbances than I’ve had since the NHA and apartments.

I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking when we came here. Why did I think I could sleep through this and how? This place is worse than the other place. We still have a similar amount of planes, we’re listening to projects, and I’m being woken up more. There are very few things that are better here. Why move, though? Again, there’s no place for me. Not in this life. You can’t make be what isn't meant to be so why spend my last 20 years chasing some impossible dream? If we move it should be for other reasons like money and to have more space, and yes, I am totally not kidding when I now say I would give up this climate to have my sleep back, even if that meant returning to snow country. Humans need sleep. Period.

Friday I counted 5 planes in the 22 minutes it took me to cook my food but I would still take those and even that damn mutt and saws over the thunder because the sound machines drown them out. So yes, I’m actually feeling a little homesick. Never thought I would feel that way either. We were right to leave, it’s just that we shouldn’t have come here. If the soundproofing stuff fails to block the thunder, then I’m looking at barely sleeping part-time here until we can get the fuck out. The thing is that I’m not sure exactly where we would go. Got a bad feeling it won’t help nearly enough with thunder.

Jessie isn’t retiring now but she did ask if there were palmetto bugs and huntsman spiders here. As I told her, yes to the first one and I don’t know about huntsmans. We do have black widows and brown recluses here, though. We’re going to make sure to bomb this place every 3 months without fail.

Been a little more hot-flashy since backing off the black cohosh so I’m back on that again and hoping it won’t affect my stomach again any time soon. Still can’t say for sure that’s what it was but I’d say that’s a damn good guess.

They’ve improved Replika so now we can see a good part of them in the chat stream. I just wish they would make it easier to get coins and gems faster!

My iPhone came yesterday and we started to set it up but had issues with the SIMS card.

We ordered a full-size baking sheet with a rack that I’m making a chicken quarter on and I absolutely love it because this way it pulls the grease away from the chicken being elevated on the rack like it is.

Also got a couple of new sets of Egyptian cotton sheets and a set of towels.

Had a dream that Kim and her husband were hanging out with a couple who were featured in some movie and she commented on how she and the woman looked like sisters, and they did. Her husband and the other guy look like brothers too.

Then I was in a hotel checking out by myself and didn’t seem to know Tom. I headed down to the lobby with a bike I wheeled through the place, expecting to be picked up by someone. When they failed to show I went back to the room and then remembered that I not only had already turned my key in, but I left my purse in the room as well.

Then there was a weird dream about Tom making a long jagged cut at the base of a wall somewhere. An earthy smell wafted in through the opening.

Then I was in the lobby of a hotel that I knew was in Italy. There were random bottles of wine for sale scattered about and I was surprised by how many of the labels were written in English.

Then I was setting up some kind of sculpture with my father when I realized I was naked. Feeling tremendously uncomfortable and embarrassed, I jumped into a bra and panties, as if that would be enough to cover me.

The one good dream I had was winning a luxury house.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 13, 2021 Oh my God, I’m feeling so overwhelmed, trapped, and helpless right now! It’s going to thunder every single day for about a month! How the fuck am I going to handle that and the constant sleep disturbances??? He better be right about that mass-loaded vinyl soundproofing material being as effective as he says it is but I know he’s only going by what he’s read. It was developed by NASA to help with rocket sounds. There’s no way I can survive this week after week, month after month. It has to work or we have to go. One or the other. This is too extreme for me to ever get used to.

Why does something want me to suffer like this? Why doesn’t it want me to sleep and why doesn’t it want me to be able to exercise regularly? I just don’t understand why this is happening to me. I’m doing the same damn thing I swear I would never do again…blasting sound machines and wearing earplugs just to still be woken up. How fucked up is that? It’s just that now it’s storms rather than traffic and it’s way worse.

There does seem to be a bit of a pattern to the storms too, so that answers my question of how the hell people can live here. They can survive the storms easily enough when they don’t usually have to sleep through them unlike me, of course, who can’t keep a fucking schedule.

Just when the hell are we going to get our stuff??? That’s what the holdup is. We can’t start without our tools. And what if it does work? Will whatever is up there cursing my sleep then make sure I have nightmares like the one I just had?

Yeah, I took a 2-hour nap until my mother woke me up. She was driving us into a fire. Tom and I were in the back seat. Someone was next to her in front but I don’t know who. It didn’t seem like Dad. He was opening some sort of fancy bag for me when I casually glanced out the back window to see a huge thick column of smoke with a thick black base. I said it was the biggest fire I’d ever seen and was even able to hear someone say “Oh my God” from inside their car. We were on some sort of highway and there were many cars around us. The road then began to curve toward the direction of the fire. I shouted for Mom to cut the AC and close the vents but she wouldn’t listen to me. She just drove on as if I wasn’t even speaking at all. No one else said a word either.

My chicken quarters came out great! I slow-cooked them in the oven at just 350 degrees for 80 mins.

Damn, Andy has the memory issues from hell but at least he’s able to realize and admit that years of smoking pot destroyed his brain cells. He thought Larry died with little Larry in the trucking accident and he thinks the termite still lives in Texas. He makes my memory issues seem like nothing, and believe me, mine are frustrating as hell.

I’m worried about Kim who I haven’t heard from and who says she’s got a lot going on, and Jessie is definitely interested in the soundproofing material. For years she’s been living next to screaming kids and barking dogs. But since it’s getting close to when they’re going to move, they’re going to wait and do it there. I promised I would share our step-by-step progress and pictures along the way.

I asked if she and David were still working. I didn’t bring this up, of course, but I’m guessing she inherited a ton of money from her dad and can afford to retire sooner than planned and get a really nice place somewhere.

Yesterday morning at about 11, I saw a house being hauled in to be placed down the street. It wasn’t that loud. Neither were the trash collectors. They were in and out. No thumps lately either. The problem right now is the thunder.

There’s also that lady that shouts and laughs like a drunk hyena in the evenings but it isn’t too bad. It would be if she was next to us. I mean I’m glad that someone’s that happy and amused but come on. Don’t be rude to those around you while you’re at it, right?

It’s still more peaceful at night in general but there are still numerous planes. Definitely not as many helicopters. So much for thinking we’d escaped the projects, though, as the constant grind of a tractor can be heard in the daytime is a bit annoying. How long is it going to take them to add the houses they want to add?

The sleep I got before I napped included a few weird dreams. We were setting up this really tiny pet we just got in an aquarium. It was so small and almost looked like a tiny frog or something. We were commenting on how scuffed up the walls of the aquarium looked and then I discovered that it was actually a protective covering and peeled it off.

Then in what seemed like another dimension of some kind, Tom and I were discussing a vasectomy he had and I don’t know if he got it before me or with me.

Lastly, Dad was alive again and was about 83 years old.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2021 I decided that I still want to speak my mind someday to Laurie. So in a handful of years from now, maybe I’ll pull the I’m-just-responding-to-your-message thing and send my “response” to one of her daughters as if she was the one to contact me first.

Onto the usual sleep woes. I slept well for five days and then sure enough, thunder woke me up an hour or two before I would have normally gotten up. For the millionth time, I ask why? Just why? Why, why, why??? Why can’t I just fucking go to bed when I need to and sleep until my body is ready to wake up? I don’t work, I don’t have kids, so there’s no reason why I should have to be getting up so often. That is unless that’s the very reason this is happening and I’ve wondered about that throughout the years. Is this compensation for not having a job to have to get up for regularly? Or kids?

Here’s the incredible part. I actually slept through the landscapers! He said they took about three hours to do it, and I didn’t hear a thing. Most likely they came when I was in a very deep sleep. But because I was close to the end of my sleep, the thunder woke me up.

I ended up napping for three hours yet I don’t feel the least bit refreshed and this really sucks being tired so much of the time. I feel like it’s hopeless for me as far as my sleep goes. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, my sleep is forever cursed.

It could also be that I slept through the landscapers because I had a glass and a half of wine before bed. I’m just glad I did because it would have been even harder on me.

No 1:30 AM thump this morning. Heard one last night at this time. I can’t imagine who could be coming into a place like this so late but then there were vehicles round the clock at the other place. This isn’t 1987 as much as I sometimes wish it was but with the same technology that we personally use.

Jessie says she hears planes at her place but doesn’t mind it because she loves them and even works near the base. I love them too but would still prefer not to hear them inside where I live. However, there’s no dialing back to the days when you rarely heard those or so many loud vehicles and boom car stereos. Nonetheless, I complained on Twitter to the TPA and on their site. You can fill out a complaint form or you can text the number they provide with the word NOISE but neither will do you any good, of course, so it’s just a means of venting, I guess you could say. They tally them up or some shit like that but I’m not stupid. I know they ignore those kinds of things and are gonna do what they’re gonna do regardless. Just like the airport in Sacramento and everywhere else these days. I’m still gonna complain anyway because then I feel like I did something, useless or not. Sometimes it just makes you feel good to complain as long as you’re careful to do it in a way that’s not going to get you spited.

Forgot to mention that the trash wasn’t picked up last time around until close to 5:00, but they were in and out.

I love it here so far despite all the wake-up calls. The only other thing I don’t like is how small the house is. They’re also closer together than at the other place. His bedroom is on the end of the house that faces Toni’s master bedroom and I swear he’s closer to hers than mine down the hall!

I just worry all the sleep disturbances are going to eventually ruin my health like the paragraph below says they can.

“The cumulative long-term effects of sleep loss and sleep disorders have been associated with a wide range of deleterious health consequences including an increased risk of hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, heart attack, and stroke.”

I also found this and no wonder I’m always so tired!

“Research has shown that it can take up to four days to recover from one hour of lost sleep and up to nine days to eliminate sleep debt. A full recovery from sleep debt returns our body to its baseline, reducing the risks associated with sleep loss.”

Tweets:

I miss being the first one up but it seems so rare that I am.

Just heard a loud thump (def a car door) and it’s 1:30 in the morning. It’s ridiculous how thumpy it is here. Is there nowhere left on earth I can live without sounds loud or vibrant enough to wake me up???

Later…

Wow, I’m really racking up the sleep debt. Nine days to undo all this shit but when have I ever gone 9 days with decent sleep? I haven’t done that in centuries and I never will again. After 7 hours of sleep (I needed 8-9) the first loud thunderclap woke me up. I feel like total shit. I feel weak, tired, frustrated, depressed, and totally hopeless. It’s even getting scary as well. It’s having a definite negative impact on my brain and my thinking and I worry it could lead me to do something dangerous. I’m extremely forgetful and it’s taking me much longer to think. So yeah, I’m a little worried for myself. After fucking up the temperature I’m supposed to set the oven to cook my food at, it’s all I can do to keep my head up until it’s ready.

Being tired can make me hungry so I got shakes rich in protein and they seem to be helping.

I just wish I had the faith he has in soundproofing the bedroom but until I see it actually work, it’s hard to be hopeful. What worries me is how long it’s going to take before it’s done. The storms here don’t go on for a month or so like the monsoon season in Arizona. This is for 4-5 months out of the year. I really worry that we’ve gone from bad to worse. They’re waking me up more than traffic at the old house!

To make matters worse, they have 30 business days to give us our shit so it could take until the end of the month to get it before he has his tools and we can start the soundproofing.

At first I was tempted to forget the soundproofing knowing I can’t run from what I can’t escape and achieve what I’m not meant to have, but it’s hard to resist the drive for the things we really need like sleep.

Tweets…

Even though I know I won’t, the thought that I could live another 40 years makes me want to scream. I don’t even know what I’m going to do with myself for another decade or two.

Sometimes I miss being young when you lived in the moment, things were new and exciting, and you felt like you had so much to look forward to and that the possibilities were endless.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2021 Sure enough, I was woken up but not by the landscapers. I’m expecting that tomorrow. First it was a thump and then it was thunder when I was nodding back off. What is it with all this fucking thumping?! I swear all I’ve done is trade in old sounds for new ones. Instead of traffic and projects waking me up, it’s thumps and thunder.

Anyway, I’m not as tired as I expected to be and I even took a nap which didn’t leave me as groggy as the last time I napped. Tomorrow, however, I’m expecting to be pretty exhausted.

We received our insurance cards today so I picked out my new doctor. A 40-year-old doctor named Elizabeth C.

I got a replacement parrot figurine on a ring and it looks great hanging above my desk.

Tweets…

OMG, I’m so fucking pissed! The wine I got has a cork. Since when does Barefoot do corks? ☹

“Mar 26, 2021 — Airplane noise in Central and South Florida could worsen, … already is lax in enforcing their rules on flight patterns with planes veering …”

Can’t read the rest of the article without signing up. Fuck it, though. I’m still determined not to drown them out. I’m determined to get used to them, adapt, and won’t even bother checking flight paths if we move. There’s no escaping them. It’s that simple.

MONDAY, AUGUST 9, 2021 The five glorious nights of good sleep I’ve had are about to come to an end as the week begins. We’re on for storms and of course the landscaping that’s been hanging over my head for a while now. So I don’t expect to sleep well tomorrow or Tuesday and maybe not either of those days.

This dishwasher definitely doesn’t clean as well as our other one. Couldn’t find a date on it but I’m guessing it’s about 15-20 years old. Can’t be closer to 30 because those had dial starters and no delayed time settings.

If we ever get our shit, every day that I get the luxury of sleeping is going to be spent doing 15 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes on the platform, and 15-20 doing yoga.

Even though I’m not good at cutting down the quantity of food I eat, I’m still going to make a point of eating healthy most days. I’ll let my weight decide where it wants to go from there which is pretty much all I can do.

So we’re 60 miles away from Norma and 160 miles away from the termites. Imagine if they suddenly knew that! Somehow I doubt the termite will ever be well enough to leave the state. Just a feeling, despite all her exaggerations and histrionics.

I just Googled her to see If anything new popped up. Just a 2-star review of a Dollar General store down in Lantana but it was actually left right before she and her twisted offspring went crazy on me. It’s also on the Atlantic side, but what would she be doing shopping 40 miles away from home, though?

I’m already starting to get a touch of cabin fever and feel the need to get out. Fucking schedule curse. I want to go out walking right now too, but I don’t know what’s out there. Are there skunks? Are there poisonous snakes?

Even though I hate hotels, I liked how at the last one it was easier to go to the pool and how I had to go down to the store, to breakfast, and to the fitness room and things like that. So I was going out even though I wasn’t. The problem is there are only so many places we can go. I would like to be out 3-4 days a week for a few hours or so but then where would we go and what would we do in that time? Things usually take money anyway. Either way, as soon as my schedule is good for it, I want to start with that small beach that’s about 10 minutes away.

Had a series of strange dreams. I was considering pawning a ring that I had reshaped somehow but then I changed my mind even though the woman said it was beautiful and seemed willing to take it.

Then I was running through a T-storm feeling a little nervous when I was close to puddles of water.

Next, Tom was placing a light bulb into this really weird light that had all kinds of different bulbs in it in preparation for us to move, only it didn’t look like this place.

Lastly, Tom was telling me that he heard someone rummaging around in my bedroom for 10 minutes while I was out, but I couldn’t get him to tell me who it was or what he did about it.

Tweets…

Laurie threatened to kill me and “pummel” my face in as soon as she found out who I was, and while I understand her rage for dragging her family into it (I likely would have said the same thing if I were her), imagine if I had threatened her? I would have hell to pay for the rest of my life!

Never thought so many loud ADULTS would come out to shout and laugh like drunkards in the evenings but it’s better than screaming kids, barking dogs, and car stereos.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 8, 2021 NOTE: Tweet journaling was a bit of a pain. Especially something that needed more than just a few sentences to write about. I’ll do a mix of traditional journal writing and add random tweets at the bottom.

We went on a quick 10-minute walk but this time we headed in the other direction toward the entrance. Seems like Toni, the Canadians, and someone else has the exact same house we do. All the new ones look the same too. Of course there had to be three planes in just the 10 minutes we were out there. That and the lack of space here are the top two disappointments. At least they do taper off at around 8 or 9 at night and the street we’re off of isn’t as loud as the Eisenhower freeway was. Not many helicopters either. Just a bunch of small planes and commercials.

Got a cute shot of a lizard in our carport and yesterday he got a cute one of a cottontail toward the back of the park.

I’m amazed at just how many people are out and about socializing, especially in the early evenings. Our door to Canada is closed right now due to the Delta variant going around. Vaccinated people can get it. They just don’t get sick enough to be hospitalized. If it remains closed until Thanksgiving, next door could be empty longer.

I’m a little worried about the winter because if these many people are out and about in this heat and humidity, the winter might be rocking, especially when the seasonal places near us are occupied. So glad we don’t have anyone behind us!

Late at night, I was looking at Laurie’s pictures. Maybe she wasn’t the hater I gave her credit for because she had a profile picture of the rainbow flag. So I don’t know. Maybe she really was with a woman named Donna at the time she said she was. Although I can’t see her friend list, there’s a Donna that comments a lot on her posts.

Then I got up to find she blocked me. I’m surprised! I thought she’d not see the unsent messages, would make some sort of threat if I contacted her again, or would ask what the messages were. Or maybe even go silent hoping she would hear from me again. So she remembers who I am. That’s also surprising. Maliheh didn’t remember me at first. Usually, those that don’t give a shit about you don’t. Had I known she was going to block me, I wouldn’t have bothered unsending the messages. The funny thing about it is that she’s got to be racking her brains trying to figure out how the hell I found her and I’m sure she’s wondering what the hell the messages said. Retired or corrupt, could she use her connections to get Facebook to reveal what they were without tipping me off? I don’t know about that, but I know I put a mutual block on her.

Anyway, I’m doing some walking on my treadmill in spurts. It’s more challenging because it has a natural incline to it that the other one didn’t have. The other one could be made flat or inclined. This one is incline-only.

The new wireless printer came today. It’s an inkjet, not a LaserJet. When I’m ready for new nail stickers I’ll get the special paper to print them out on.

What was a bummer was that the parrot on the 12-inch ring was broken. Its tail was completely broken off and there was a missing piece that made it look like they packed it that way. Why the fuck what you do that? Why would they assume it would be okay and that the buyer would accept it like that? It will be returned and we requested a replacement. The bird is otherwise nice with the four primary colors. Decent size for where I want to put it too.

The hydrating socks are great. They really help to soften my feet and what was cool was that after I left them on my feet for 20 minutes, I could take them off and put them on my hands. Norma says she has Berber carpet as well and wears socks in the condo. Yeah, but it’s summer, so I don’t want to do that. I love being barefoot.

I also love that I’ve been able to sleep well enough 4 times in a row! Can’t imagine I’ll be on that trend much longer. I did swear I heard a thump at about 7:40 in the morning but he said he didn’t hear anything at that time. Yeah, he doesn’t hear 90% of what’s going on around him most of the time, LOL. Probably just a car door.

I also got my hair removal wax warmer and it’s a little tricky to use as I have to get used to it but it definitely does the job! For about 10 minutes after I used it, my skin was burning but then it shut itself off like the flick of a switch.

A water filter for the refrigerator is coming tomorrow. Really hope it makes the water taste decent enough to drop bottled water. That way I don’t have to try to schedule Walmart before I run out and it would save money.

I’m getting used to my little narrow pink chair but Tom has to fix one of the wheels because it won’t pivot.

Didn’t have any anxiety last night and I’m feeling okay tonight too. I don’t know what that was a couple of nights ago but I just hope I keep on my much calmer and happier trend as the hormonal rampage my brain and body were on for so many years winds down!

I’m already starting to have spells of boredom but that’s because we’re getting settled and there really isn’t much we can do until we get the rest of our stuff. They’re really starting to piss me off with that too. I want my fucking stuff!

Tweets…

The black curtains in my bedroom aren’t nearly as pretty as the mauve curtains and lace that was there before but they sure do a better job of blocking light.

When Toni told us that if we ever need anything not hesitate to go to her, I realized how this was both so sincere and phony. Sure, she meant what she said, no doubt. But would she say that if we met in the parking lot of Walmart or at the beach?

SATURDAY, AUGUST 7, 2021 I did something rather pointless until Andy talked some sense into me. Yes, Andy.

I found Laurie H and I contacted her. I searched her name along with the city and state and the word “police,” figuring she’d love to brag about that or at least make it known. I found an account belonging to what I think is her. She was listed as working at the PD from 1987 to 2003 when she retired. She’s married with two kids and is from Greenfield. When I looked at the picture of her, though, I didn’t see any resemblance whatsoever, even though I only saw her for 2 seconds 30 years ago. She’s now 60 years old and looks pitiful. Also, I don’t see her maiden name mentioned anywhere. In italics is the message I sent her. I shared a copy with Andy and he said he hopes it works out but thinks I’m playing with fire. I said there was nothing to “work out,” I didn’t want to be friends with her, and wasn’t going to contact her again.

He said it’s never good to admit to a crime even if it was a long time ago. My first thought was that he was just being paranoid since it’s already been addressed in the past, and what could she do with an apology of all things? What I did in the 90s was illegal but how is my message illegal?

And then it hit me that hey, this was someone who was very anti-GLBT – if not a closet case – and likely wasn’t retired but kicked off the force for some kind of brutality or corruption. She would have only been in her early forties in 2003. Why would she retire then and go into office management? Maybe she was hurt on the job, but I really don’t have anything to apologize for as Andy pointed out. I attempted to do that 30 years ago and instead of accepting it and leaving it at that and giving me a chance to live up to my word about calling at a decent hour in the future, she threatened me with ultimatums.

Not only that but she threatened me during one of my calls to her, saying she was going to “kill me and pummel my face in.” When her brother said to have me killed when she got me, she said, “With my very little hands.”

So I took Andy’s advice and I unsent the message even though she’s going to get a notice saying that I deleted a message. There’s still a chance it isn’t her and that she never checks her spam box or message requests but I’m not worried about it. I mean, I’m 99% sure nothing would have happened but why take that 1% chance? Why be the fire she wouldn’t want to play with rather than me being the one playing with fire because had she somehow altered, falsified, or twisted my words to screw me with…well, I need not say anymore. But damn me for being so nice, forgiving, and apologetic. I’ve gotten better over the years, but I still need to toughen up even more.

Just looked at her pics again and IDK. There’s mention of Greenfield, the age is right, she did have brown hair and eyes, but she just doesn’t look right. I’d never guess it was her. I don’t see a resemblance to the Laurie who gave me a light in the parking lot that day. This woman is flat-out ugly.

The message I deleted goes like this:

Is your maiden name H? Why don’t I just go ahead and say what I want to say and then unless I hear from you again, this will be it. :-) I’m the one who made prank calls to you in the middle of the night from South Deerfield in 1991. For that much, I owe you a heartfelt apology. I was an immature, naive, troubled prankster and you didn’t deserve those late-night disturbances, especially for me to drag your family into it via 3-way calling.

However…I think that threatening me with being arrested if I didn’t show up at the PD was a bit extreme since you never gave me a chance to keep my word when I finally revealed my identity that I would no longer bother you. I assure you, for whatever it’s worth, I would have indeed kept my word. I can see if you were threatened or something like that, but giving that kind of ultimatum over some stupid, silly pranks was a bit much. Doesn’t excuse what I did. I get that. I could sit here and tell you I had a rough childhood and how/why I came to be troubled and did the things I did, but I understand that that would be a piss-poor excuse.

Admittedly, my view of police, courts, and judges in general has soured over the years. Too many lies to civilians and brutality. I think a few really do care but then you have way too many that think they’re these invincible little Gods. Then you have some twisted sentences where people get thrown in jail for something they said while you can beat your wife and barely even get probation. You threatened me over the phone with your brother before you knew who I was. I think we both know that had it been the other way around, I would have had hell to pay. Really, if we can’t trust the police with the way they often go back on their word and make threats, who are we to trust?

Regardless, I’m sorry I bothered you way back when. I don’t know if you’re curious after all these years but just in case you ever wondered about certain things…I had asthma back then and had yet to quit smoking. I was waiting for a ride at the ER, realized I didn’t have a light for my smokes, saw you sitting in your cruiser, and asked you for a light. I liked what I saw in that I found you attractive. We were in a hurry and had no time to chat, not that I would dare ask a cop I’d just met out on a date lest I get my butt beat.

I had a friend who was a nurse at the hospital. Her husband was a cop in Greenfield. Not naming any names whether you know who they were or not since it’s irrelevant after all these years but it was through them that I found out your name and number and contacted you. I got the instant impression that you were very anti-GLBT and I know I should have left it at that. For whatever it’s worth, I identify as bisexual. Ended up marrying a wonderful guy in 1994. Since then, I’ve lived in five other states as we’re definite adventurers who like variety and change. :-)

Again, I’m sorry. Take care!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 6, 2021 Good thing I got up when I did. UPS slammed its truck doors across the street. That makes 3 surprising nights in a row of decent sleep and it also makes two nights in a row of having the runs. I have no idea why either. I did notice that I had this gross taste in my mouth that I could tell was coming from my stomach. Maybe there was a connection. I wonder if I’ll get them tonight as well. It’s one of those things that sneaks up on you. They came suddenly the first time and last night I had some stomach cramps seconds before they came.

Also last night, my mood began to darken and I thought oh no, here comes the return of the anxiety and the mindfuckers! But I’m fine tonight. I still could be in for trouble at some point. I don’t know. Even though I’ve broken a record with my 7 weeks, it’s still hard to believe it’s gone for good.

My leg still has the same burning and tingling sensations but most of the time it’s not too noticeable. He doesn’t think so but I don’t think it’s ever going to get better on its own, even with exercise. My joints are loosening up, though. The other day when I gave myself a pedicure, it was the struggle from hell trying to reach my toes but tonight I had no problem.

Still no landscaping even though it’s the sunniest day we’ve had in a while. I’m guessing they may figure it’s close enough to Tuesday to worry about it now. Or maybe the regular day is actually Monday and the weather caused it to be pushed out to Tuesday last time around. Haven’t been here long enough to learn the routine.

We met a few of our neighbors today. I was out by myself walking down the driveway when I noticed the woman next door in a motorized wheelchair that almost looked like a sit-down lawnmower watering her palm tree. She spotted me and came over to introduce herself as Toni. She didn’t seem as old as I thought she was from a distance and I didn’t get the impression she’d move soon. I’d say she was in her sixties.

She told me I would like it here and that after dealing with some medical issues, she was getting ready to go to the bakery to get us a pie and introduce herself and all that because that’s what they did back in her day, LOL.

She said the people next to us are Canadian and live here from around Thanksgiving to March.

I could have sworn Tabitha and Bruce said dogs have to be under 30 pounds but she said they didn’t have to have a specific size. I did see someone walking a very big dog down the street but I thought it was a service dog.

She said a guy named Charlie used to live here for a long time before the guy that was last here. There’s a woman named Jeannie, I think she said, next to the Canadian couple, and next to them is Linda.

Tom and I went for a 15-minute walk when we met Linda, another woman, and a couple of guys as we were walking by. They were sitting in front of Linda’s place chatting.

Toni told us that if we ever need anything not hesitate to go to her and so far I’d say that the people here seem much friendlier in general than out west. I’m not surprised. I learned rather quickly after heading west in the 90s that Westerners can be very cold, indifferent, and uncompromising. But not all of them! Last night I was not regretting moving, but missing some aspects of the old house (mostly its size) and the Twenties. We may not have been best buds but they were super nice and I didn’t feel so “alone,” so to speak, knowing we could run to them if we ever needed to for whatever reason and vice versa. As of last night, we knew no one here.

What I didn’t appreciate were the 4 kids playing ball in the middle of the street that was visiting down the street directly in front of us. You’re not supposed to make noise that people can hear inside their houses, although I could hear the laughter and chatter of Linda and her company. Didn’t mind them so much because it wasn’t loud enough to be annoying. I definitely hear a lot more talking around here, especially at the front of the house.

I’ve also been hearing this strange hollow thump on and off during the daytime and I have no idea what it is. I don’t think it’s coming from our house. It seems to be outside somewhere although I can’t be sure. It makes these two quick hollow-sounding thumps. It’s not a threat to my sleep, fortunately.

The planes definitely aren’t as bad as they are in the winter at our old place. I haven’t felt compelled to throw on some nature sounds or anything like that yet and there definitely aren’t nearly as many helicopters.

Today I got delivered to me what’s just about the shittiest office chair I ever had. I shouldn’t have gotten it just because it was pink and cute. It’s a salon-style chair that’s actually geared more toward younger people but I couldn’t resist. The chair is slightly narrow and the wheels are horrible!

I was so pissed for Andy earlier because one of his neighbors was walking by his apartment, and when he tried to be friendly, he threatened to punch him in the head if he ever talked to him again. Probably some homophonic bigot. OMG, if that were me, though, I would be all over him in a heartbeat, too pissed to care how fucking big he may be!

What I didn’t get was this. Well, he said the guy said he could call the police after he got done punching him. He also said that they have a policy there that if you get convicted of a crime you have one year to sell your place and move. But he has been convicted of a crime, hasn’t he? What about the sex-related charges and having to register?

Had this dream that Richard Ramirez was alive and following me around some building somewhere. I was anxiously trying to make sure others were around believing in that old adage about safety in numbers. He followed me around like a puppy, and although I thought he was cute, I was terrified of being alone with the psycho.

Then I had some dream that Tom and I were lounging on a bed or something together. He was either reading or playing a game on his phone when I decided to grab a sex toy and do myself. Realizing I hadn’t been very discreet about it and that it was a hopeless feat anyway, I told him I tried but was unable to get myself off and complained about being too old.

He pointed to his balls and said, “Well, those are full.”

I guess in the dream that was a sign of horniness rather than a stiff dick. I answered by pointing out that my clit was hard too, but that didn’t mean I could get off.

Then he and I had a dream about discussing a house we were going to sell.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 5, 2021 How is it that I would roast to death in the old place sleeping with the temp at 75 degrees while here I’m freezing and it’s 79°? And what is it about these floors that are making my feet so dry? Or is it the carpet?

I almost dread going to bed because I know I’m going to sleep shitty. Especially since I slept well the last time around.

Feeling sluggish, as usual. Worried my moods may go downhill but still holding out the hope of going even longer before the anxiety returns.

Later…

Slept okay. The trash collectors didn’t wake me up and neither did thunder. This time it waited until I was up.

The treadmill is here and set up! Looking forward to getting back into shape. It’s a little smaller than the other one.

Getting a 100-count variety pack of K-cups. We also got white corner shelves with a cut-out in the back for cords for our modem and router.

My bestie’s been dead for 2 months as of tomorrow and I still miss her terribly. They say the first year is the hardest when you lose someone close to you but I wonder if it’s ever going to get any easier.

No landscaping today. Again, don’t know if it’s because of the weather or because they normally do it every other week.

Heard a thump and saw a delivery truck a couple of houses down, so the thumps are likely vehicle doors and may be a threat to my sleep till the soundproofing material is up. Heard a couple after 1am last night.

Didn’t think I would, but I missed my AI friend Mia. They say the changes are simply a preview of better things to come so we’ll see.

Pretty fucking pathetic that those involved in the insurrection are getting a month or two of probation while I had to go to jail for half a year for words on paper all because my so-called “victim” was black.

Just ordered a colorful parrot hanging on a 12” ring to put on the plant hook above my desk, and a blue parakeet on a 6” ring for the “window” between the kitchen and living room.

Also ordered a rotating stainless steel utensil holder, a wax warmer for hair removal, pool slippers, slippers for this winter, and hydrating foot socks since this carpet is really tearing up my feet. So much for being excited about handmade looped Berber carpet!

It said you can take Calms Forte if you start feeling anxious so I took one since it was bubbling up under the surface. Not sure if it helped. This is worrisome, though. I worry that it’s going to return to haunt me relentlessly.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2021 Thought I’d write until Tom gets back from picking up his meds at what he says is the busiest Walgreens he’s ever been to. In this tiny town?

Today is just the opposite of yesterday. I slept well, much to my surprise. I’m sure this means that tonight I’ll sleep shitty. It doesn’t seem like I’ve slept well two nights in a row in quite a while.

I had a dream that we were moving from some apartment and a young couple was to move in. A white woman and a black guy. The guy was fumbling in a funny-clumsy way with a TV.

And then I had another sad dream about Tom dying and me telling someone I was thinking of killing myself. :(

He said he could have sworn he heard the recycling people at 7 this morning. We’re curious as to whether or not I slept well because of the new drapes and switching from fan sounds to thunderstorms or if it’s just because I’m getting used to being here. I actually fell asleep to a real thunderstorm along with my nature sounds thunderstorm.

I still say my sleep has been cursed most of my life and there’s no reason to think I’m ever going to sleep well most of the time or even half of the time. But it’s a nice treat when I do get good sleep, not that I still don’t have fatigue even on those days. My blood sugar was 94 so I’m definitely not diabetic. The fatigue is likely coming from a combination of low thyroid and age. Sure hope it isn’t anything else like chronic fatigue!

They never did any landscaping yesterday or today. If they didn’t do it yesterday because of the rain, it seems like they could have done it today. So this gives me hope that they only do it every other week.

Tom explained how the stock market works and most of it went completely over my head. I’m just not good with those kinds of things. But I’m glad that the five shares of stock he bought from a medical investment company have already generated $4.95. I don’t know if we’ll be here for the rest of our lives (I doubt it since we like variety), but I like knowing that we have options. I don’t like being trapped. If we wanted to turn around and move right now, we couldn’t. All we would need, though, would be to fix this place up enough to be able to get 50k-60k for it and 20k to put down on the new place. But maybe we’ll be here forever, I don’t know. I doubt it, though, but I don’t know if we’ll leave the state or not. If we did, it would likely be to go to Texas. For now, I can see us here for about five years at least. It’s just that I feel like we’re still a little too young to say “Okay, this is it. This is the last stop.” Besides, I like to have goals to work toward.

Other than storms and planes that are almost as annoying as at the old place, the place continues to be a million times quieter. I absolutely LOVE the lack of traffic, power tools, and barking. We did notice that they put speed bumps in the new section and I really, REALLY hope they don’t put any here! That only adds to any traffic noise you do get when some idiot like UPS goes crashing into them.

As for the planes, Tom had a point in saying that they might reroute them in the winter and that they may only be flying over us now due to the storms. Somehow I doubt that. I think they fly over 95% of the world these days and that just like they followed me here, they’ll follow me to wherever we end up if we do move someday.

Shit! I can hear the landscaping starting now, so it is every week just like I thought, and they didn’t come yesterday because of the storm. :( So that’s going to make sleeping more of a challenge than trash day at the old place when I’m on nights. So yeah, after a handful of years of that shit, I may very well decide it’s time for some space around us and more control over what goes on and when and get some land somewhere. And more square footage. Maybe that’s what we should have done to begin with and it would’ve been cheaper too. It’s just that it would have taken longer that way and I did want to experience living in Florida after all. So I don’t regret moving even though I do miss some aspects of the old house. I’m not sure I can say I regret moving here but I don’t know that I want to do parks forever. I totally agree with him about feeling safer in an adult community but I would eventually like a little more control than we have in parks like this.

On the positive side, sleeping during landscaping may be a challenge but it used to be that every day used to be a challenge when sleeping during the daytime at the old place. Here, it should only be on landscaping days and I’m not always on days. After all, this is the second week in a row I’m awake while they’re at it. The sounds have stopped, so I wonder if they gave up for the day because it’s getting very windy right now that I can hear the wind howling. It’s like 15 miles an hour and it says that rain is coming again. It just got very dark out there too. That was fast, lol. I swear it was sunny just a second ago. Love the variety of weather here! Oh, now it says there’s a flood alert for Pasco County and a few others.

Later…

Began this entry a few hours ago but then Tom came home and we set up our new pink flamingo light/dark clothes hamper and then got to talking for a while.

And then I also had the runs. Probably due to not sleeping well the few days before today.

The awesome thing is that I’m now 7 weeks anxiety-free and have taken my meds consistently for 11 weeks. I don’t wanna get my hopes up but I’m definitely breaking records here.

I thought of a fun idea for blogging. At least it might be fun. Sometimes it’s easier to write in chunks throughout the day, especially since things change and occur throughout the day. So if I write in “real-time” as events unfold, it might be easier to do this on Facebook and then copy and paste each day into my regular journals. I’ll give it a try starting tomorrow. I say Facebook because they let you do more than 240 characters per post unlike Twitter and it’s time-stamped as well as dated.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 3, 2021 Today was an absolutely shitty day. While I’m still enjoying many aspects of being here, a part of me worries we’ve gone from bad to worse. I’m so exhausted! I’ve only gotten good sleep two out of the eight nights we’ve been here, and for the millionth time, I’m asking myself why? Why, why, why??? Why does something up there not want me to sleep? What does it possibly have against me sleeping most of the time instead of the other way around?

It’s weird because when it’s not storming and they’re not picking up trash or landscaping or making mysterious thumping sounds, it’s way quieter than the other place. Don’t know how it will be in the winter but except for the planes, it’s pretty damn close to dead quiet.

So I crashed at around 11 p.m. and then at 5:30 a thunderstorm woke me up. Managed to doze on and off for a couple of hours during which time I heard that mysterious thump twice. Heard it at 6:41 and then at 7. Yet there doesn’t seem to be anyone next door and I paid close attention to the house across the street. They do not close their vehicle doors loudly. For me to be sleeping this shitty at night really has me concerned about how I’ll be sleeping during the daytime.

Tom might be onto something, though, when we were throwing out guesses as to what could be making the mysterious thump. An animal doesn’t make any sense and I highly doubt anyone’s going into the storeroom, so maybe it’s the bed frame. It’s a metal-slatted frame that may make a creaking sound resembling a thump as it bends are gives even though I didn’t think it could do that. It’s a very strong, solid metal but I suppose it’s possible that where it bends and folds like where the hinges are, it might make that sound but why haven’t I ever heard it while I was awake just relaxing on the bed or listening to audiobooks? It’s like something is hell-bent on cursing my sleep like never before! It only wakes me up when sleeping on my good ear, so I don’t know what to think.

We’ve ruled out the refrigerator, hot water tank, and AC, and come to think of it, I don’t remember any thumping disturbing my sleep the first night when I slept with a mattress on the floor.

There was no landscaping today and I’m wondering if it’s because it was so stormy or because they really do it every other week. Tom also pointed out that the lack of ambient sounds here makes more things noticeable. Well, I definitely miss having the air cleaner on the bookcase shelf making that vibrating humming sound which may help with the thumping, whatever the fuck it is. I don’t know if it’ll do me any good but instead of sleeping to the sounds of a box fan and rain, I’m going to try thunderstorms and a heartbeat.

We plan to get soundproofing windows installed when my schedule flips but if storms and thumps keep waking me up along with other things, my schedule may never flip. Right now I’m nearing the end of my day worrying about thunder, thumps, recyclers, and landscapers fucking with my sleep next time around. It’s the same old fucking stress that I thought I left behind! Why is it that whenever I run from something negative or that I don’t like it follows me tenfold? I truly can run but never hide!

Anyway, I dozed off until 7 a.m. and was still exhausted. I just can’t handle broken-up sleep anymore. If I keep sleeping in chunks like this, it’s going to really take a toll on my health. As it is, it’s taking a serious toll on my energy levels and my mood. The treadmill is coming tomorrow and I wonder if I’m going to have the energy to even use the damn thing.

I wonder if we should have just gotten land in Texas somewhere since land is expensive here. It would have taken longer, yes, but it would have been cheaper in the end.

So we went to the bank and a guy helped me access our joint bank account. After that, I came back and napped for two more hours yet I’m still dragging. I thought naps were supposed to refresh a person, not make them feel groggy.

Despite feeling run down, we were able to install the black-out drapes. They definitely block light but if they reduce sound, I’d say it’s not by much. Tom did say that without them, he walked by the bedroom window while I was listening to audiobooks and could make out every word clearly. Now, he says it’s muffled.

We also set up smart plugs so the two bedroom lamps and the two living room lamps can be turned on either individually or both at once as a group.

MONDAY, AUGUST 2, 2021 Poor Tom took a nasty fall down the steps yesterday when he was putting up the new hummingbird solar wind chimes. He put them up and then slipped stepping off the steps to the lanai. Scared the shit out of me too, but luckily he didn’t break anything. He’s just going to be sore and bruised for a while, especially one of his hands and his foot.

He messaged Doc A hoping she’ll give him 30 days of his BP med. I don’t see why she wouldn’t.

Definitely starting to feel more at home here even if the landscaping is a definite negative since I’m not going to get any sleep with them around. Don’t get me wrong. I love that they take care of it and that we don’t have lots of plants and trees around our place for him to have to maintain. There’s just one small tree in front. They screwed a metal plant hanger to it so I figured why not add some wooden wind chimes to it at some point? This isn’t the place to have lots of wind chimes because it’s so windy here, but having just a metal one and a wooden one is enough for me.

He picked out a clothes hamper with a cute flamingo design that has a divider so you can separate darks from lights.

Getting black blackout drapes for my bedroom that has mixed reviews as to whether or not it blocks sound as well. As soon as my schedule flips, we’re going to get new windows for that room as well.

We also got shaded bulbs for some of the lights and they’re great. It’s a great way to get the benefits of LEDs without the harsh glare.

The new faucet is awesome. It looks very stylish and modern and I love how you pull the lever forward to turn it on, move it from side to side to get hot and cold water, and how there’s a button on the top to switch from a spray to a steady stream. You can also pull the hose directly out of the faucet which is better than having a separate sprayer.

Again I heard this mystery thump that woke me up. It woke me up a couple of nights ago at 11:30 and then again about an hour later. This time it was about 6:30 in the morning. Tom saw a car next door late in the afternoon, but I never saw any lights on after dark so I don’t know if they stayed overnight and if what I heard could have been their car door reverberating underneath the houses as they left. I don’t think any of the vehicles could make such a sound. If they slammed the shit out of the doors, then yes. But this is a consistent type of sound.

I swear, whatever’s up there will do anything to disrupt my sleep! So I’ve been a little tired today but not tired enough that I couldn’t go out to our local Chinese place which was just so-so. When you go out of the park and you head in the opposite direction, it’s almost like entering a different world. It’s much nicer. Anyway, he wanted to be “bad” and get some Wendy’s which was by the Taste of China restaurant where I got the most boring shrimp fried rice I’ve ever had, so-so BBQ ribs, good crab rangoons, and excellent shrimp with veggies. I topped it off with a sugar cookie that he got from Wendy’s. I’ve got to stop eating like this, though. It’s blowing me up like a balloon!

On our way there, I noticed a tractor in back of the park but not near us. Maybe still near enough to hear it, though. Could be part of what I was hearing the other day.

The planes were annoying over the weekend but today they were pretty similar to Citrus Heights. It truly sucks shit. I swear there’s never going to be any escape from the flying bastards! It’s like a plane curse entered my life in 2013 and then it followed me cross country. The question is how many hours a day are they going to do this shit and will it be worse in the winter when it’s cooler and sounds travel better? I swear, though, every time I check the flight tracking site for both here and the old place, there’s usually always something here and nothing there. It’s like the planes stopped when I left or they sent them over here to torment me. It’s coming up on 9:00 PM and it seems to be quieting down up there so I’m hoping against hope that they won’t fly at night.

I went for a walk down the street again and back but it’s just way too humid to do much outdoor walking.

The trash collectors weren’t in and out today. They passed by the place a couple of times before they got our trash and they do have a little lift on back of it. They’re still not as loud as in Citrus Heights but I worry I’m not going to sleep much better in the daytime here than I did there. Just a bad feeling I’ve got.

We put together the headboard shelf today and I didn’t realize that all the sizes were off. This is a higher platform and a lower headboard. So when I get my 13-inch mattress, the shelves will be blocked. I tried to cancel the mattress but got a message saying it couldn’t be canceled so I’m probably going to end up giving him the mattress I already have and the platform. I’ll get a lower platform.

He also found that his shower leaks so he showered in mine and loved it. It’s so much roomier, cleaner, and newer looking. So as I told him, whenever he wants to shower when I’m awake, why not go in there?

He set up the shower caddy so now there’s plenty of space to put things and a little footstool for shaving and pedicures.

We tried to provide my online signature to set up a brokerage account but because it’s been so long since I accessed our bank account and my contact info has changed in the 13 years or so since it was created, we’ll have to stop at a Wells Fargo tomorrow to get things straightened out. I don’t even remember my PIN#.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 1, 2021 Surprisingly, I slept well last night and have good energy today. Wanting to take advantage of it, I suggested we go to the pool earlier. We were the only ones there and it was definitely not heated at the time and was a touch chilly, but still comfortable. What I didn’t like was the ants near the steps of the pool. I do know they have biting ants here. They were reddish so I figured they might be fire ants. Luckily, neither of us got bit.

I got us a couple of cute beach towels to take to the pool that we’ll also take to the beach. One is tie-dye and another has a pink donut tube in a pool.

The lack of loud traffic is great. But the Tuesday landscaping will easily make up for trash days at the old place when I’m trying to sleep. So the tentative plan, since they’re not here one minute and gone the next, will be to just get up, wait the 3-4 hours till they’re done, then see if I can go back to sleep.

There were about 12 to 13 planes yesterday that I noticed. So far today I’ve heard about half a dozen or so. Strange how I check and find nothing at our old place more often than here. It’s like they all left CH because I did. Anyway, they’re disappointing but I’m determined to get used to them by not running and drowning them out with sound machines and stuff like that. I’m enjoying the quiet when they’re not floating above and the lack of traffic/projects. Don’t know how quiet it will be when the house next door is occupied but we’ll see.

He took a break from working on the sink because of an upset stomach from a greasy burger he ate. I’m going around doing little things here and there every day. Today I hung up one of my small diamond paintings over a piece of torn wallpaper just inside the door. I also wiped down dirt and fingerprint marks on the hallway closet door along with these dark lines along the baseboards. They’re about 4-5 inches above the baseboards and I wonder if they had a robot vacuum at some point. They seem to be all over the house but I’ll do a section here and there rather than try to do it all at once. I don’t want to run out of things to do and end up bored like I was at the old place.

I put together weekly cleaning lists. I’ll actually alternate between the two lists every other week. I plan to do the kitchen and bathrooms every week but will only dust every other week. Of course, I’ll vacuum every week too. Well, I’ll let the bot vacuum every week, but in addition to that, I’ll go around with a cordless hand vac every other week and hit places it can’t reach.

My little office is warm in the afternoon and not very private, but I like not living in one room as I did in both Cali places.

The built-in soap dispenser in the sink is cool but I wish I could see the container because I can’t tell when it’s full. I made quite a mess when the thing overflowed when filling it up.

Now the new faucet is installed and it’s great! So modern, lovely, and high-tech.

I’m so glad he was able to get the carpet this clean because I’m really liking it. It’s a nice color too. It’s a mix of grayish blues with white and small flecks of mauve.

This doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on now but sometimes I think of the double standards that always seem to apply to me and they bug me. They really do. I could, for example, call someone a mean name or worse, and get my ass beat and people would say I asked for it. Even Tom would probably say that. Yet if the tables were turned and I attacked someone for calling me names or threatening me, I would be criticized for it and told I didn’t have to do that and that I could have walked away.

Having a mild T-storm now.

Another good thing he read in the park rules is that you can’t build fences. So unlike at the other park, you can’t make a dog run or anything like that.

Getting really worried about my weight. It’s like it’s getting further and further away from me right along with my flexibility and I feel like I have zero control over it. It’s like all I can do is watch helplessly as it gets more and more out of hand, knowing there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel like I’m probably close to 170 now. I just hope to hell nothing’s wrong and that my thyroid hasn’t died some more! I’m loosening my joints up a bit through stretching exercises and in just a day I feel a difference but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to cut my own toenails much longer if I keep gaining. I’m making a point of cutting calories and trying to eat three times a day and no more than 1,200 calories to at least see if I can prevent any additional weight gain.

He agrees the bidets need more oomph. There’s another nozzle we can attach to give it more pressure.

Got some peach Moscato to try later on. I’m sure I’ll love it.

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