chaeyoung + angst 👀
what if I (never) told you I had fallen?
chaeyoung & idol!fem!reader // angst
y'all when I said I want to scribble scribble I didn't expect to write ANGST for my biAS (╥﹏╥)
when training for your debut since you were a teenager, all you've ever knew about everything else that wasn't school related or idol related was absolutely useless to you. even relationships with others seemed so pointless to you. amongst the teenagers who still seeked love among their goals, all you did was place that love into your training.
even in the company that you stayed in, that helped you make a debut, had more freedom regards to their artists' love lives. you were one of the few who had choose to not bother with that and threw themselves into work.
it had taken years for your members and staff to finally let you do other things aside from work. they had enough of it after seeing you walk out of the studio, finally burnt out of creative juices and work.
still you can't stray away from art, even if it's not in the form of music. so you had taken a liking to visual art, where you would walk in art galleries to simply admire the work or take pictures of nature.
this led you to her, your first taste of what it was like to fall in love. son chaeyoung
you had bumped into her when you were on your way to get a tattoo for the first time. you both were surprised to know that the tattoo parlor that she frequents is the one you're going to.
"you want to go together?" she had asked you that day, her infectious grin also making you smile "we can even get some food afterwards if your down for it!"
then your meetings with her, planned or just by pure coincidence, had become more frequent. from seeing each other at the han river to movie nights at your place. the more she came by, the more you continue to slip
it came to a realization on a chilly night, right after your practice you had requested the company driver to drop you off at your favorite ramen shop. it barely took a few steps out of the van for you to see her inside, talking to a random man.
you didn't know what the disturbing emotion was stirring up in your chest, but you had pushed it down and took a seat far away from them. hoping to sheild your eyes from seeing her acting too happy with him but still seeing them in the corner of your vision
you had already figured out that she was on a date, from the way he had been complementing her to the way her hand found his and mindlessly fidgeting with his fingers. it was all in the body language and you hated that you can still see it in the corner of your eye
it was when you finally managed to finish your meal and get out, that you realized what you felt and why you felt that way. it had made you scared to the bone, this new revelation changing your life.
it had brought you to nights where you lie down in bed, questioning if it was worth it to at least confess. it had brought you days of practice where everything is on auto-pilot, quite not trusting yourself to be there properly in the fear of messing up the steps. it brought concern from your members, questioning if you were trully ok, even if the light in your eyes was mixed with conflict, dispair and fear.
where this feeling had brought you new things, it had also left a hole in your heart. you knew you didn't have a chance with her ever since you saw the date at the ramen shop.
you had quite convinced yourself to try and move on. when you did try, she had always managed to find a way to bump into you, throwing you off track every time.
it was getting tiring, and you heart couldn't take it anymore. still, you were quite the stubborn person. so even if she came by your place, to ask for help to get a gift for her boyfriend, you couldn't say no.
"unnie" you groaned, your eyes finally giving up on you for looking at your phone for so long "please let's brainstorm later! my head hurts from thinking too much"
"please y/n/n!!" chaeyoung pouted at you, trying to get you to stay on the couch to help her search the net "this is really important to find a gift tonight"
you let out a dramatic sigh, this girl really knows your weakness huh
"fine" you couldn't help a smile take over your face as she did a small cheer "you owe me a good some son chaeyoung"
"I do y/f/n" she smiles at you. you swear this is the smile that's gonna break you "i just hope he's gonna like whatever I give him"
you barely see her this worried, so even if you dislike the man, you weren't blind to see how much she trully loves him.
"chae" you gently remind her "he's your boyfriend, your lover. he would love anything that you give him, just remember to trust your gut and make it a bit personal ok?"
she scoots over closer to you, and despite feeling your chest tighten, you give her a hug to try and ease her worries.
"you are son chaeyoung" you tell her, letting your mind say a portion of its true thoughts and a fragment of your feelings "you don't need a fancy gift to show him how much you love him, all you just have to show him something you know that's of your love and that he can chrish. he loves you chae, with gift or no gift"
she hums in appreciation for your comfort and pulls away, and even just for a silly little moment, you let your mind think that she was yours, even just like this. even just for a bit
"you always know what to say" chaeyoung says, now she's holding your hands and you know she had a hold on your heart as well, even if she doesn't know "I'm still surprised to not see anyone pursue you at all"
"what can I say" you smile, letting the words get in your head "maybe I'm just better off single"
because i can't handle it if it's not with you
"don't say that" she frowns, the softness of her voice reminding you how much you love to hear her talk "you'll find someone"
"maybe" you give her a smile and an empty promise "you'll be one of the first to know if I do, I promise"
in the next comeback, your group releases a new song, and chaeyoung questions if you were lying to her. seeing you on her phone screen, in an interview, explaining the last chorus of the song.
"what if I told you I had fallen?" (oh, nevermind.)
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