#great deed beautiful
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lambergeier · 5 months ago
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thinking about the fma cast having kids is good for a number of reasons but reason number one is definitely that roy and riza have one perfect beautiful child in their late late 30s after like ten years of agonizing and by the time they finally do this ed and winry have like. five kids. six even. profound number of kids. and ed has sooooooooooo much sincerely good parenting advice to give. i think this would be a very funny thing to happen to roy.
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ataykiri · 1 year ago
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Our stay on this earth is so so short, we’re in such a dream state that we keep forgetting this truth
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termagax · 3 months ago
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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froody · 2 months ago
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Imagine you hired an obscenely drunk Union soldier in a saloon to kill your husband. He manages to accomplish the deed by removing the bullets from your husband’s gun through a sleight of hand trick before challenging him to a duel. This is somewhat impressive but what is more impressive is his strong work ethic, ingenuity, Irish accent, subtle chivalry and big brown eyes. You marry him and move onto the 15 acres of semi-arid land on the edge of the Chihuahuan Desert he stubbornly wants to farm. He wants to name your firstborn daughter after his cavalry horse in the Civil War and your firstborn son after his commanding officer. He calls you widow woman as a term of endearment. He’s a good shot, he’s a good cattleman, a great husband and a subpar father. But what else can you ask from a man who lost his entire family in the Famine and came to this country alone at the age of 14?
Imagine you are a former Union soldier. You are 22 years old. You were only 19 when you enlisted, an Irish immigrant who worked in a livery stable in Cleveland until the outbreak of the war. You fought valiantly. You survived. In lieu of wages, you accepted a parcel of land in New Mexico territory. You’ve never had anything that was truly your own. Except for, perhaps, your horse. You arrive in New Mexico for the first time in your uniform, your horse goes lame the second you step onto your parcel, it’s so dry and rocky and red and you do not think it’s arable. You have to put down your horse. She dies with her head in your lap and you cry so hard you think you’ll die with her. When you’re done giving her a wake, knowing you have no ability to bury her, you begin walking in the direction of Las Cruces. Maybe you can sell this cursed land. Maybe you can get a job. First, a toast to Lula, the mare, the closest thing to family you have had in this country.
You’re seeing double by the time a little woman with an appraising expression approaches you. She is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, perhaps even better in double. A little older than you. Long, dark wavy hair that cascades over her shoulders, a perfect round face, a warm brown complexion and the most troubled eyes you have ever seen on a woman. What is most miraculous is that she wants to talk to you. You, drunk, sunburnt, covered in dust, the blood of your horse soaked into your pant leg. She motions to your pistol. She says she will pay you to do a job, pay you handsomely, enough to buy another horse. She says her husband is rich, he enticed her away from her family when she was very young, he holds her captive in his hacienda, he hurts her. He must be killed so that she can return to her sisters and live without fear. You will do it, you must do it. You do not care how much of the story is factual. You do not care if she intends to have the sheriff string you up after the deed is done. You do not care if she cannot pay the money she promised. You would do anything to remove the sorrow from her eyes. You kill her husband and sleep fine afterwards.
You do not buy that horse. You stay in the hacienda while she is out selling the bits and pieces of her husband’s life. You meet her sisters when they come, you help her pack away the pieces of her life so that she may start anew. You tell her of your own plans to start anew, of the patch of rocky soil that is your own. She tells you she grew up on land like that, tells you that it has always been her dream to work it. When her sisters leave for the mountains, she leaves with you.
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merrinla · 1 year ago
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Portrait spamming
Recent discovery. If you click on the portraits of the characters like crazy, they will react to it. And the developers had a lot of fun coding these reactions xD
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Tav / Dark Urge
normal - I'm awake! Mostly. - I'm starting to get a headache. - Must be the tadpole. - Quit knocking around in there! - A thousand needlepricks in my rotten skull.
combat -Ahhhhhhhh! Okay, I feel better. - I have an itch in the worst place. - Is being a mind flayer so bad? - Just waiting to venture forth here. - I'm maiming as fast as I can!
stealth - What's that ticking? - Is it me? Am I ticking? - Bomb in my head about to go off. Great. - Ah, well. I had a good run.
Astarion
normal - Why do beautiful people taste better? It hardly seems fair on the ugly - they have such wonderful personalities. - Ugh. Strahd wouldn't put up with this shit. - More like Drizzt Don't'Urden - no. No that's not funny. - Villains! Dissemble no more, I admit the deed! Tear up the floor - here, here! It is the beating of his hideous hea- oh, no, that's his brain. Where did I leave that heart?
combat: - I'm trying to focus on murder. - *Humming.* - I shot a svirfneblin in Menzoberranzan just to watch him die. - I should've been a drow. They have such stylish armour.
stealth - Shhh. Just think sneaky thoughts. - Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP. - Be very, very quiet - I'm hunting idiots. - I've got a brand new torture chamber, so come and play with me.
Karlach
normal - NOTE TO ACTOR/DIRECTOR: Blow a raspberry at the player. - Don't. Poke. The Karlach. - Who am I? - My eye!
combat - Eyes on the prize - we need to win this! - Not every soldier should've made it out of training. - Eyes on victory, tummy on dinner. - I ought to just burn this whole thing down.
stealth - My back can't take much more of this. - Not now, I'm being a sneak! - I'm getting too old for this nonsense. - I'm not built to crouch.
Gale
normal - I hope Halaster takes good care of Tara while I'm away. - Sembian wine; Cormyrian boar; Waterdhavian conversation. It's the little things you miss while on the road. - Oh, what a tangled Weave we web! - All the world's my stage and you're just a player in it.
combat - Just go for the Magic Missile and fire away. Never fails. - Don't make me go all Edwin Odesseiron on you. - Get. Out. Of. My. Head. - I really wish I could cast a Hold spell on you.
stealth - You made me hide, don't make me come seek you. - Gods, it's like trying to sleep with a mosquito in the room. - A little privacy please. - Stop it - that tickles.
Wyll
normal - Could do for a brew. - Where there's a 'Wyll', there's a 'y'. - Ever get the sense that someone's watching? - So two halflings walk under a bar...
combat - Can't hear myself think! - Wear your scars proudly. - As my father once told me: 'Can we get on with it?' - I find moderation is key.
stealth - Bad time for an itch. - Could do for a brew. - So two halflings walk under a bar... - Shush. No, really. Shush.
Lae'zel
normal - Must everyone be so exhausting? - Weapons high. Standards higher. - Is perfection too much to ask? - Pride is a virtue.
combat - I will know my queen! - There is no right or wrong, only truth. - What is the point, if not victory? - You are right to fear me.
stealth - Hush already. - There is no wisdom in madness. - Is perfection too much to ask? - There is but one way. Vlaakith.
Shadowheart
all modes - I wonder how I'll feel when I remember everything. - Strange. I've had more freedom this past while than my whole life... - Have to keep focused. Can't afford to get attached - to anyone. - If I succeed, maybe I'll be allowed a pet... ugh, stop being silly.
Halsin / his voice is currently bugged :(
normal - What I would not give for a chunk of fresh honeycomb... - Such attention... I never realised I was so popular. - Are you feeling lonely, perhaps? - Unwise, perhaps, to poke a bear this much...
сombat - Battle is afoot - you can poke me once we are safe. - Perhaps try attacking the enemy? - Admirable stamina, yet terrible priorities. - You are insistent, are you not?
stealth - Most consider it unwise to poke a bear. - My, you are eager, are you not? - Please. I am trying to be stealthy. - Calm yourself. There is plenty of me to go around.
Jaheira
normal - Oh, calm down. I'm happy to see you too. - I would poke you back, but I fear that's what you want. - My, such strong wrists. - Well you certainly have the 'omnipresent' part down, don't you? - Please go poke the ranger instead.
combat - You have my attention - now do something with it. - What? What do you want!? - Do you know, I begin to wish they had never brought me back. - Yes, yes, have your fun. It isn't you they're trying to kill.
stealth - Dry those sweaty palms and let us try this again, shall we? - Argh, my knees! Oh. It was a twig. - Would that I could hide from you, too. - Careful, or I will take your toy away from you.
Minsc
normal - ARGH! My EYE, Boo! They went for my EYE! - Know that if you poke Boo, no higher dimension will keep you safe! - Heehee. Heeheeheehee. - Well, Boo? How do you want to do this?
сombat - Are you perchance a squeaky wheel in need of a kick? - I am armed! Armoured! And entirely sick of your foolishness. - I begin to grow annoyed. It is well for you that Boo does not let me learn the bad words! - Ignore them, Boo. Let them gaze deep into their own abyss, and wonder just what it is they are trying to achieve.
stealth - A little to the left? But not so hard you make me giggle. - Boo...? Are you dancing down there, or...? - Hush! I am surprising Boo for his birthday! He is... uh... eh... how old do hamsters get...? - I am the night. A pity, then, that it is so bright out.
Minthara
all modes - You had my attention, now you have my fury. - Phlar Lolth ssinssrickla. - Your suffering will be spectacular. - Stop, or die.
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natalievoncatte · 6 months ago
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“Kara?”
She doesn’t answer. Lena’s presence doesn’t surprise her; Kara Danvers always knows where Lena Luthor is, at least as long as there’s a way for the sound of her heart to find Kara’s ears, no matter how soft or faint it might be. In her ruminations Kara thinks on that before she speaks. Even when they were at their worst, when they were hurting each other in every way that mattered, Kara would stop and listen.
It was a secret and sacred thing, a transgression that she would never admit. She would confess to scoping Lena out with her x-ray vision first. She’d never actually done that, but she’d pretend-admit before confessing that, sometimes, she’d listen to Lena’s heart as she slept and drift off to its slow and steady beat.
They’re by the sea, at the Danvers family home. It’s been a year since Alex and Kelly married and a small, core group have gathered here in this house by the waves to celebrate the anniversary. It’s just Alex and Kelly of course and Esme, and Lena and Kara. And Eliza.
She lives here, after all.
Nia and Brainy are in town in an AirBnB, and they’ve been by the house but are mostly doing their own thing. They’ll marry soon, Kara thinks. They have that air about them, the way that Alex and Kelly did before the proposal.
There is a sense of finality to it all that has fallen over Kara like the shadow of a passing storefront, and she sits where she can watch the ocean waves roll in, chin propped on arms resting on knees, curled up and watching the waves reach the high water mark and roll back.
Lena stands beside her now, seemingly unconcerned that Kara hasn’t answered her. This happens a lot now. There are companionable silences. Lena spends half her days in Kara’s home, working from a laptop on Kara’s kitchen counter while Kara writes at the kitchen table.
A lot has happened. Cat Grant offered her the role of EIC at CatCo; Kara rejected it. She’d mad furtive plans to reveal her identity, then canceled them. She’d told Cat but asked that it end there and Cat had respected it, then gone on an esoteric retreat at an eel farm or… something. Kara still submitted articles to CatCo but on a freelance basis, and she was submitting more articles elsewhere lately.
Actually, very little had happened. Kara had more time to really write, now. She put on her suit and flew out the window less and less, being less needed.
Lena sits down next to her and assumes a similar pose. Kara can’t help but look at her; she has never been able to resist looking at Lena Luthor. That too has changed. She doesn’t steal a glance this time, she studies, lets her gaze linger. She looks at the way the light of the golden hour plays with Lena’s soft, easy beauty. Her sort-of-roommate skipped putting on makeup this morning and her hair is down in a mop of air-dried dark curls, some of them lazily riding the breeze around her head. Some of it falls across her face and Kara fights the urge to sweep it back with a soft brush of her fingers.
Lena is beautiful. The warm light makes her pale skin glow, brings out the sparkle in her blue-green eyes, as deep as the sea they watch. There is a soft playful hint of a smile on her lips, but her brows are furrowed.
Kara thinks back to the last time she spoke to J’onn. She told the man, the closest thing she had left to a father in the world, about how she was wearing the cape less and working more, about Lena, about how Alex and Kelly seemed to be moving on, both of them now retired from the insanity of her lives and Alex actually planning to practice medicine.
“That’s what happens,” J’onn told her. “Things pass. Stories end. The great deeds are done, the archenemies vanquished, the miracles all performed. After that is just life.”
Kara wasn’t sure what that meant. In her life -almost sixty years, that she’d experienced as less than thirty- she’d packed in the experiences of a hundred lifetimes. She’d watched her world die, found her family, lost them, made a new one. She’d loved and lost and she’d even died- twice. She’d spent two eternities in her own personal hell.
Kara lets out a slow sigh. She’s still looking at Lena.
They have to have this conversation. Kara just doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. The problem is obvious. Lena and Kara had arrived this morning a few hours after Kelly and Alex, and found that Eliza had, as to be expected, already planned out who was bunking where.
“Alex and Kelly have Alex’s old room,” Eliza had told them, after hugging Lena. “Esme has Kara’s old room, and you and Lena can take the guest bedroom.”
When the words left her foster mother’s mouth, Kara’s heart raced. If Lena thought anything of it, she gave no sign. Kara was on the verge of panic.
Eliza had given the two of them a room with one bed. A small room, a shared room that would give two people no privacy.
Does she think we’re…?
Kara had considered the possibility before. She wasn’t blind or oblivious to a fluttering heart beat or lip bites or long stares, but…
“I’m scared,” Kara says, and she looks away.
She can feel Lena looking at her, gaze unwavering.
“What about?”
Kara swallows hard. She doesn’t know if Lena realizes what Eliza has assumed yet, if she’s put it together. She must have, because she came out here looking for Kara. Kara hadn’t run away exactly, but she had fled. She needed to think.
“One thing I’ve learned,” Kara says, “is that once you say something, you can’t un-say it. You can’t change the truth once it’s been told.”
Lena nods softly. She knows. They learned the same lesson from the same cruel trick.
“Do you know why I held on to my secret for so long?”
“You always said it was to protect me, and I didn’t accept that. Then when…” Lena pauses heavily, “when we moved on, I never really asked again.”
Kara swallows. “I lied. I did it for me.”
Lena says nothing.
“I was scared. I was afraid that once I told you, it would be the same with you as it was with everyone else. Once people know Kara is Supergirl, then Kara stops being Kara. Kara is just Supergirl’s real name.”
Kara’s breath hitches. She glances at Lena, who watches intently.
“I was wrong. I should have known better. I should have trusted you.”
“Yes,” said Lena. “You should have. I should have tried to understand you. To understand why instead of projecting my own insecurities onto your choice. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I forgave you.”
Waves crash in the silence.
“I would forgive you anything.”
“Even beating the last potsticker?”
“I’m serious, Lena.”
Lena sighs. “Are we going to talk about it?”
“You saw the room.”
Lena nods.
“Your mom seems to be assuming that we share a bed,” Lena says.
Kara swallows hard.
“The last time I was with Nia, she asked when I’m selling the penthouse, because she assumed I’ve been planning to move into your loft.”
Kara groped her knees because her hands are shaking. She grips her knees to stop them but it makes her legs shake instead.
Lena shifts closer, scooting across the grass. She’s not touching Kara but it feels like she is. Her touch becomes and threatens. They share space, the sea breeze passing over them as one. Lena looks at her through a tangle of inky curls and her eyes are infinite, searching Kara for something.
“I have deemed a dream,” Kara whispers. “I fear if I dream it too deeply I’ll suddenly wake, and when I wake it’ll be gone the way dreams always are, and it will fade as fast as any dream. The thought of losing it hurts so bad it makes it feel like my chest is caving in.”
Kara looks at Lena now. She looks so young, she is young. Her power suits and makeup and air of command and defiance all make her seem almost matronly but here with Kara that mask is gone and beneath it is her true self, her secret self that not even their friends see, a young girl who’s never been young.
Just like Kara.
“What if you woke up and the dream came true?”
“Sometimes,” Kara admits, “I wonder if you’re real. I used to dream of things when I floated in my pod and they seemed so real…”
“It’s real, Kara,” Lena whispers, soft and breathy. “It’s real and I’m not going anywhere. Nothing has to change. It’s just going to evolve. I know what you want to say and I’ve been scared of it too. What you’re saying, I can feel it in my soul… when the Luthors took me in, I used to dream that my mom was alive. I’d wake up smelling breakfast and hearing her sing and when I realized it was just a dream it was like she died again every morning.”
“I love you.”
Lena stares at her. Kara hears Lena’s steady pulse flutter and begins to stammer.
“I know I’ve said it before. I mean I’m in love with-“
Lena presses a finger to her lips.
“I know. Stop telling me and show me.”
Kara freezes, not sure what she meant. Lena twisted languidly and leaned towards her. Kara freezes briefly and then just lets go, moving on instinct. Using a little strength she pulls Lena into her lap, gently touches her chin, and tilts her back a touch, to kiss her.
It is at once tentative and soft and absolutely explosive. Kara forces back tears, as Lena embraces her with all her strength, molding herself to Kara as if she means to climb inside her. For all her urgency, her kiss is just as delicate, just as tender and exploratory.
It is as it has always been. They compliment each other perfectly, moving together without a word needed, Kara breaks the kiss because Lena needs air and lowers her to the grass, fully on top of her now, brushing lose strands of hair back from her face to kiss her again and again and again, each kiss ah apology, each brushing of lips a lament for time lost.
They could have been doing this for years.
Lena arches under her, grinding hungrily, kissing her furiously. She moans softly as Kara’s hands find bare skin and Kara murmurs a Kryptonian prayer against her lips, and her thighs rise to bracket Kara’s hips.
Kara feels it all. The desire, the lust, the need, and above all the unbridled joy. This is no dream. It’s real. It’s happening. It’s…
“Eww,” Alex says.
Kara snaps up, acutely aware that her hand is halfway up Lena’s now-askew top, and that Lena has leg-locked them together. Lena lets her head fall back and peers up at Alex.
“Eliza sent me to find you two. Dinner is ready,” Alex sighs, then turns, muttering,
“Get a room. Sheesh.”
Lena cracks first, unleashing a gale of laughter.
“Let me go,” she protests.
Kara lets her…. briefly. Play-wrestling ensues, and Lena just know that Kara is letting her win as they roll in the grass, but it no longer matters. Lena is flushed and grass-stained and joy burns her in her eyes and-
“Come on!” Alex bellows.
Kara helps her up, and they head for the house.
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amourcheol · 1 year ago
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the great war
❝Because the greatest war Seungcheol had ever waged was against your heart.❞
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historical! au | enemies to lovers! au | smut, fluff | 41k words
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s u m m a r y : there was only one thing you hated more than your restricted life, and that was choi seungcheol—the greatest venetian general who has ever lived. when a marriage is arranged between the two of you, you were sure it would end in bloodshed. however, as you and seungcheol are forced to attend balls and share a few hard truths, you realise you have more in common with the mysterious general than you thought.
c o n t e n t : military commander! seungcheol, noblewoman! artist! mc, artist! minghao, artist! soonyoung who are both annoying (affectionate), cheol and mc absolutely hate each other because i need to see proper e2l, cheol has a scar on his lip (yes this needs a separate warning), this is set in renaissance venice so there will be many artist references, the doge = basically ruler of venice, themes of sexism, constant arguing between mc and cheol, there is fluff, also angst mature warnings -> tons of sexual tension, making out fuelled by hatred, cheol calls you carrissima (which personally i find very hot) fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), unprotected sex (only because medieval contraception is horrendous), petnames cheol says some vile things during the deed, slight corruption kink
p l a y l i s t : dangerous woman by ariana grande || war of the hearts by sade || love is stronger than pride by sade || i don’t understand but i luv u by seventeen
t a g l i s t : at the bottom of the fic!
a u t h o r ’ s  n o t e : hi hello thank you everyone for waiting for this monster fic!! thank you alice and addy for being the reason i finished this fic, thank you chia for creating a beautiful picture of general! cheol, and greatest thanks to choi seungcheol the man you are </3 i hope you all enjoy this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it <33
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WHEN THE VENETIAN REPUBLIC DEFEATED THE OTTOMANS ONCE AND FOR ALL, EVERY CITIZEN—BE IT PEASANT OR THE RICHEST ARISTOCRAT—KNEW WHO WAS BEHIND THAT VICTORY.
His name sparked life into the deathly, cramped streets. Whispers and cheers carried along the murky lakes, the rushed streams underneath the city, lapping up to the cobblestoned shore—entering the ears of marketeers, patricians, nuns, prostitutes, everyone. Wherever one went, the commander’s name rang like the dozen church bells, scattered throughout the lake-locked lands.
The buzz in the air was more frantic this afternoon, though, because the victors’ party was finally returning to the state.
Finally returning home.
You, despite your family’s excitement, despite your connections to the man behind the success of it all, could not have cared less.
“Oh, stop it!” you heard your friend exclaim, nearly toppling over his easel from sheer disbelief.
“What? You merely asked, brushing a small grey shade upon your canvas. You cast a quick glance at the model in front of you—bare save for red silk covering her thighs, cloth falling to the floor from the pedestal she sat upon. “So what if I care little for the general?”
“See, now you are lying to tease me!” the young man crowed, black hair flickered with paint you sprayed an hour ago. He set his wooden palette down, crossing his arms. “The greatest commander Venice has seen since her birth, and you say you care little?”
“You know I never lie to you, Hao,” you began, knowing that alone was a fib—your dear friend’s snort was confirmation enough. “I simply do not understand the excitement!”
“Of course you would say that, though,” another man chipped in, tugging on his dirtied leather trousers beside you. “His uncle and your father are childhood friends, no?”
You nodded, sighing as you continued painting. “I have seen this man all my life, and every conversation I have leads to fighting. Did you know he tattled on me every time I snuck out? Painted in the house?”
“Yes, we do, because you never shut up about it,” Minghao jeered, rolling his eyes as he dusted his hands. “To be quite frank, I would tell on you too if I was forced in your presence.”
Knifing the man with a glare, you said, “Perhaps I should inform your mother that her dear son is playing with oil paints rather than praying in the Basilica.”
“Oh, shit!” the other man snickered. “Does she think you are in church right now?”
“You talk as if you were not supposed to accompany me, Soonyoung,” Minghao muttered. “We both were caught with the prostitutes.”
“My God,” Soonyoung murmured as he finished tying his shoes. “Mama is going to kill us.”
“You both better hurry then,” you chanted, fixing another detail of the model’s face.
“As if your father has not hired guards to find you in every corner.” The elder of the two snatched your paintbrush, spraying a little oil paint on the picture.
“Oh my God!” you shouted, ready to start a brawl in the artists’ studio when he interrupted you.
“Go back to the Doge’s Palace before Minghao and I get our arses handed to us again,” he said, wiggling a finger at you. “I refuse to be blamed for your antics.”
“Fine,” you said, setting your palette down, looking over your progress. “But only because I am your dear, merciful, awe-inspiring friend.”
Minghao clicked his tongue. “Perhaps we should follow the general’s tendencies and tattle on you too.”
“You would not dare!”
The bastards only laughed, mocking a salute before stumbling out of the studio, arm in arm. Still drunk from the night before.
You supposed you should return to your manor, in case your father was truly on the hunt.
Thanking the model profusely, you stored your easel in your side of the studio, a place you had rightfully earned alongside your peers. The place was filled with unfinished paintings, bursts of colour in every corner of the workshop—the palettes, oil paint mixed upon its surface, models either nude or adorned in the finest garbs of the season. The studio was never quiet, bustling with orders in Venetian for more paint or the models to stand or sit or scream in a certain manner. You adored the chaos. The anarchy of the colours, the rivalry of the artists, the love-struck sighs of the sitters as they observed their image.
This was your home. This was your sanctuary, your domain.
This was your life.
A sharp exhale escaped you.
If only they would understand.
Grabbing your satchel, you brought out your nun’s gowns. Making sure that none watched, you quickly rid yourself of your painter’s garb, adorning the black and white dress. Catching sight of the mirror on the clothed walls, you fixed the veil upon your head, hiding your hair underneath the fabric. Picking off any specks of dried paint, you nodded at yourself.
Satisfied, you turned to your colleagues, who dipped their heads in adieu, always entertained by your costume. Shaking your head, you exited the huge studio, and out onto the streets.
The stench of Venice never failed to make you scoff, wiping your nose as you set on your path back. Thousands of men and women from every corner of the world were in the middle of your journey, hearing bargaining voices in Venetian, Florentine, Milanese—your ears picked up a little Greek gossiping, Turkish joking, Arabic storytelling, dialects you could not name. Even though it was a Sunday, the city was still bustling, the cramped streets unable to breathe with this many people journeying on the cobblestone.
You were relieved to wear the nunnery gowns when you saw some noblewomen being stared at cruelly by the majority patricians who roamed Saint Mark’s Square. You almost rolled your eyes—patricians, the important men of the state—always in women’s businesses.
Imagine if they caught you like this.
You did not want to ponder over it.
The stroll back to the palace was not far; the Doge’s Palace they called it, but it seemed like a residence for kings. Overlooking the waters, gondola boats were lined across its side as its white columns held up the great building, white and gold squares shining amongst the other grand sites of the Square. You walked to the back of the estate—looking around frantically, you made sure no one recognised you as you slipped in from the many entrances. The guards were there, but none would refuse entry to a woman of God.
The inside of the Palace was even grander than the outside—the halls were airy, spacious, ceilings reaching to the sky as they foretold stories of the Bible, painted by various art geniuses of Italian origin. You did not take time to admire the images, though, a little concerned that the sun was setting, and you promised your father that you would return by this time. Plus, you needed to free yourself from these robes.
Your private chambers were at the very top of the palace, so the dozens of stairs had robbed you of your strength, wheezing as you hurriedly made your way to the doge’s private residences.
There. Your door was not far. You could see it clearly, your feet picking up the pace, your hands reaching out for the ornate knob attached—
You glanced at the knob, further in the doorway.
The door was ajar. Open.
The most unladylike curse escaped you.
If your father went inside, you were undeniably done for.
You closed your eyes, stepping inside the room. Your mouth parted to spew the sweetest apologies, ready to bend knees to ask forgiveness.
A scoff entered your ears, then, and the hairs at the back of your neck perked up.
“Who let the she-devil wear the Lord’s robes?”
Your eyes flew open.
There, in the middle of your bedchamber, stood the most important man in the Venetian Republic.
General Choi Seungcheol quirked a brow at your appearance, and you thought the angels would extract your soul right there and then.
Unfortunately, his own appearance was never lacking—he was adorned in his signature midnight armour, matching his hair, a little longer than you last remembered, curling over his ears. A velvet cape, clipped at his right shoulder, flowed like wine upon his frame, tumbling to your carpet where it rested at the point of his longsword, glinting white from the descending sun. His hands settled on its grand pommel, swirls of red and gold spreading to its wide guard. His eyes, as dark as coals, regarded you like an enemy on the battlefield—assessing, sizing you up.
“His Excellency never informed me of you taking the vows. Perhaps it was as I suspected.”
His decision was made when a wry smile coiled his lips, a scar cutting through them. A full on offensive.
“Only God can fix you.”
That comment had you swooping down to reality. Instantly you stiffened. “It truly is a dire shame to see you alive. I was hoping the Turks would gut you on the battlefield.”
You set your satchel down, mocking a ponder. “No, sinking your ship would have suited you. No one to drag your rotting body out of the ocean.”
“Three years apart from you, and you still remain the most charming lady.” He cocked his head, a few curls falling across his forehead.
“Is this any manner to treat your oldest friend?”
You pursed your lips.
Oldest friend.
Damn him to Hell and beyond. This man was anything but your friend. He was very aware of that too.
He raised a hand, gesturing towards your outfit. “Allow me to guess…these poor, holy robes were used as mere disguise?”
You tried your best to hide your guilt. “Maybe I have joined the convent. It is not as if you have spent your time here to know of my business, despite your every effort of finding out.”
“Oh?” He then glanced at the door. “I should ask His Excellency then, and congratulate him for finally locking you up.”
He sheathed his sword, making a step towards the door but you were quick, barring him from exit. “You will do no such thing,” you hissed, and the victorious curl of his mouth had you wishing all Venetian men returned to the war and died.
“Why is that?” he leaned in, and you were certain you could smash your head against his—of course, he was likely to evade your clumsy effort—it would be meaningful to at least try. “But you defended yourself so perfectly! Your father deserves to know.”
“Ten years of military service failed to beat the gossip out of you.” You matched his shit-eating expression. “Go, then. Run to my father like you did as a child. You will always remain his little baby, even at your age.”
That must have stung, because his smirk faltered. His eyes did not leave yours, and you had a slight feeling he would take out his sword and cut you in half.
But of course, you were the daughter of his dear patron, too important a woman, despite being a woman. So he only exhaled sharply through his nose, colliding against your shoulder as he pushed past your figure, thundering to the door.
You were not letting him escape so easily. “Why were you in my room?” you demanded.
He paused at the doorway. “His Excellency asked to bring you to him and his guests.” He looked over his shoulder. “He was not aware that his daughter was sneaking out, going God knows where.”
Before you could snap back, he left the room, hearing his boots thump in the distance.
You watched the empty doorway for about a minute.
And then, with all the rage you could muster, you kicked your satchel as hard as you could.
The poor bag went flying, spilling out your canvases that scattered across the floor.
It was as you said.
Despite the man’s success, his favour, his glory, you could not have cared less about him.
But you were wrong.
It was not a lack of care about his existence.
This was a full care of eradicating his existence.
Because one day, despite your own lack of resources, lack of power, lack of influence, you were going to kill the Victor of Venice.
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WHEN YOU FINALLY ARRIVED DOWN TO THE DRAWING ROOM, IT WAS NOT JUST YOUR FATHER THAT AWAITED YOU.
Seated on the opposite chairs, across from him, was the damned man you had met minutes prior, ankle-on-knee as his eyes darkened at your presence. The other man was his uncle, Councillor Choi, whose sudden rise to power was duly noted in the aristocratic circles. He was by custom donned in red patrician robes, a matching cap settled on his head. He smiled seeing you arrive, which you returned cordially.
Your father turned to see you, and he furrowed his brows. “What took you so long, cara?”
Getting out of nuns’ gowns was harder than you thought. “My apologies, father,” you said, standing beside him.
He did not seem to like this gesture today. “No, _____,” he began, pointing towards an empty seat beside Seungcheol’s uncle. “Today, you must honour Choi by sitting beside him.”
A little confused, you nonetheless obeyed, settling yourself next to the councillor. Extremely pleased, he turned to the man at the front. “Your Excellency, I am sure you know why my dear nephew and I are here.”
The general dipped his head in respect. “I could not go anywhere else before seeing the Doge, of course.”
The Doge—the leader of Venice, and the head of her state. Your father earned this position about ten years ago, around the same time Seungcheol joined the military, and rose straight to the top. It was custom for the leader of Venice’s legions to pay respects to the doge before celebrating victories, but he was always pleased to see the young commander. Unfortunately, your father was extremely fond of the man you despised.
“Oh, there must be no formalities with me, general,” your father mused. He then sent a knowing glance at the other elder man. “Especially this time round.”
Seungcheol laughed lightly. “No, no, count this as any other battle I have won for you.”
Councillor Choi smiled knowingly. “No, dear nephew. This informality surpasses this.”
Now he was confused too. You and him turned to the doge, who was all smiles. “Well,” he started, focusing on you both, “You two know of my lifelong friendship with Choi here.”
A pair of heads nodded hesitantly. “You see, we wish to…how do I say this…Ah!” He locked his hands together. “We wish to strengthen our bond in another way. In an alliance that will never be broken.”
That only furthered your puzzlement. The Doge sensed it. “Children, what I mean to say is…”
Councillor Choi stepped in.
Dropped a declaration which had every particle of air disappearing from the room.
“What His Excellency means to say is that you two are to be married in a few weeks.”
You blinked.
Stilled.
Felt the floor slip from beneath your feet.
Seungcheol’s voice entered your ears.
“What did you just say?”
Councillor Choi turned to the young man, who peered at him as if he had seen a ghost. “You heard me correctly, Cheol.” His hands touched the arms of your and the commander’s chairs. “It is the perfect union. The greatest Venetian general who ever lived, and the daughter of the greatest Doge who led you. The public will rejoice at the news!”
“And what about the people who are involved?”
Your father studied you, who had finally gotten something out. “Well, it is I and his uncle who chose—”
“No,” you interrupted, turning your head to him. “I do not mean the families. I meant the two people you have dragged into this?”
“Cara!” he exclaimed, taken aback by your inquiries. “We did not think we had to ask your opinion on whoever I chose for you.”
A shuddered, enraged gasp escaped you.
You knew this.
You were aware of your lack of choice when it came to your marriage. Always, in the back of your mind, you were prepared to hand yourself over to some insipid nobleman, have his heirs, and separate, throwing yourself in your artistic passions. It was plausible. Women in your circles have achieved separate lives from their disappointing husbands, so you thought this would be your fate.
You had accepted that fate.
“Out of everyone in Venice…”
Slowly, you straightened out of the chair.
“You chose him?!”
Your accusatory finger pointed at the culprit—he, too, looked as if he could burn the Palace down. “You know how Seungcheol and I feel about each other!”
“Your conversations are akin to children bickering.” the Doge crossed his arms. “Usually it is you starting the fights.”
“What?!” you exclaimed. “Oh, so now I am to be punished with this awful union?! I refuse, Papa!”
Councillor Choi rose from his chair, raising his hands as if to steady your temper. “My lady, I understand your distress, but this is for the betterment of our families! You will find no other suitor as good as—”
“Enough.”
Seungcheol stood up from his seat—the grave expression had the elders pausing. “I cannot listen to this any longer.” He dipped his head to the Doge. “Your Excellency.”
His uncle watched him incredulously. “Cheol,” he muttered. “We have not finished this discussion.”
The general did not bother to return his gaze. Instead, his glare was upon you. “You already know my opinion on this…this marriage.”
With that, he stalked out of the room, crimson cloak trailing after his midnight boots.
You had a mind to follow his actions—there was nothing else to say. “Even your Victor despises the idea,” you spat.
“The Victor will be persuaded,” the councillor reassured you, as if you needed the reassurance.
Facing your father, you fisted your hands. “I cannot do this. I will not do this.”
The Doge narrowed his eyes at you. “We shall see about that.” He pointed to the door. “Now go! I have heard enough from you.”
Gritting your teeth, you marched out of the halls, leaving the elders alone.
As you thundered back to your chambers, you seethed through your ears, hands still clasped in tight fists.
A marriage to Choi Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol.
You would have died than surrender to your mortal enemy.
How dare they ever concoct such a union? Everyone in the patrician circles was aware of your mutual hostility—even your father had commented on it numerous times in the past, before Seungcheol had left for the Ottoman campaign. Just when you thought you were rid of him, he was to be tied to you for eternity. You were aware that people did not live for a long time, but you would be damned if you had to spend even a second with him.
You could not get married to him.
Never.
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DESPITE YOUR HARDEST EFFORTS TO ESCAPE, YOUR FUTURE WAS TIED TO THE FATEFUL UNION.
You were even planning, on one occasion, to escape the Palace—run away in your nun’s robes, join some travelling artists and leave Venice altogether. Your father had probably caught onto your intentions, though, because you noticed an increase of guards around the giant manor, and your every movement was watched with scrutiny.
The nerves were kicking in at this point. The prospect of marriage was becoming all the more real. You prayed to the Lord at the Basilica, hoping for a solution, begging for divine aid.
The heavens helped in the worst possible manner.
They answered in the Choi household’s response.
An acceptance from Seungcheol. An acceptance to the marriage.
Your first reaction was denial—there was no possibility in the world that would have him accepting the proposal. He hated the prospect as much as you did. He hated you as much as you hated him
Then why in Hell had he accepted?
The shock, eventually, was replaced with pure rage.
But, even with the world’s anger burning in your veins, there was no hope now. If the man had accepted, then there was no escape for you.
The wedding would proceed, whether you wanted to or not.
You remembered nothing of the event.
Everyone rejoiced at the grand affair—the Doge’s beloved daughter, finally married, and to the greatest man in Venice. The entire city was decorated in your father and the Choi’s family banners, locals to foreigners celebrating by sharing food and drink, dancing in the streets, and playing lively music loud enough for all of Europe to hear.
The ceremony was a blur to you; you were completely dazed in the past few weeks, remembering solely the landscapes you had painted in between the minute breaks you could find. A small part of you thought you were experiencing a nightmare, and that you just had to wake up, and everything would fall into place. Everything that was happening around you—the decorations, the preparations for the fated day—it was an act, a live scene in a city-sized theatre, and you the unaware actress.
You believed in this excuse till the end. Even on the day of the wedding, adorned in the finest silk gowns, ruffled collars and soft-coloured veils half-covering your face, you assumed it was a change of costume. Even when your father, dressed in his custom doge dress, led you inside Saint Mark’s Basilica, hundreds of the most important people in Europe gathered to witness the union, you assumed this was your audience.
It was when your eyes found the groom’s you realised everything was real.
Then, you remembered nothing at all.
You forgot kneeling beside the Victor as you both prayed to the Cross, shielded by solid gold columns and arches of the church. Your memory erased the vows, the hesitant I do to every question the vicar asked the both of you. Your mind eradicated the slight tears that welled your eyes, or the lack of any emotion in the general’s.
Both of you were doomed once the vicar declared you husband and wife.
The after-parties were even worse than the legal event.
All your family and friends drank their weight in wine as the two of you were forced in the centre of everything, rigid as statues as your people stumbled and fell around you. You never shared a single similarity with Seungcheol, but today you shared common ground. Both of you wanted to be away from this anarchy. The celebrations were done in the Doge’s Palace, but you would go to the Choi’s family manor the very next day, and begin your new life.
What topped the entire day was the wedding night.
The seal of the deal. To ratify the union.
To consummate this marriage.
Your fears had caught up to you—the theatre had come crashing down, the costume was in tatters, and the act was cut short. This was cruel, cruel reality, and now you had to give yourself up to the one man who would make your life a living nightmare.
Cursing the giggles and whispers of the ladies as they brought you to your chambers, now completely filled with flowers and pretty ornaments, ugly in your eyes at that very moment. Sweet and spicy wine had been laid on the bedside tables, more roses scattered on your four-poster bed, curtains drawn. Your servants then tried to have you untie your wedding dress, but one glare towards them, and they shrank back.
“I think she wants her new husband to do the honours,” one of the ladies mused, and you honestly believed you could have snatched the wine bottle and smashed it over her head.
The ladies soon hurried out, and you ripped out your collar, the veil, every little piece of the dress which suffocated you. You wanted to get out, sneak away like you always did in the dead of night to your studio, but tonight you feared you were stuck.
A few minutes passed, and thoughts of escape were almost becoming intangible when you heard the door open.
Seungcheol entered the room, and you stilled.
He was also wearing his wedding attire, but his cravat had been loosened, revealing a sliver of his neck. His curls were wild, as if he had been raking his hands through them. Even as a groom his sword was strapped at his side, the weapon absent at the actual ritual. You could have laughed at him if you were not so nervous—even on an apparent intimate night, he had only thoughts of murdering you.
His expression, on the other hand, revealed no humour.
You heard him sigh sharply, locking the door. That instantly had your nerves heightening. “Unlock the door,” you commanded, getting up from the bed. “I need to run away if you try to do something.”
“I shall have no drunk cousin or lecherous relative spying on us,” he refuted, stepping closer into the room.
“Spying?” your senses perked up. “Seungcheol, we are not doing anything worth spying on, do you understand?”
“What the hell do you mean?” he demanded, propping his gloved hands on his hips. He made to step closer to you but you raised your hand to stop him.
“I know a man has expectations,” you started, backing away from him, “Everyone expects us to seal the marriage, and I know that is the tradition, but I do not care…” you paused, and even the thought of such an action frightened you.
“If you try to touch me, Seungcheol, I will not hesitate to take your sword and stab myself with it.”
He parted his mouth to sneer, but he caught the look in your gaze. He had never seen such a promise ready to be fulfilled should your worst fears occur.
The man could not help but step back.
“Did you really think I would do that, _____?”
You smiled, albeit without any humour. “Well, first you declare that you would rather die at the hands of a Turk before marrying me, and here you stand as my husband.” You shook your head. “I cannot trust you.”
The accusation on his honour stung. “I stand by what I said. I did not want—do not want to marry you.”
“Then why did you say yes?!” you screamed.
He stood silent for a time, gritting his teeth.
It was the truth. Choi Seungcheol was the last man on earth who wished for your hand.
He, too, wanted to escape as the ceremony progressed. Even as you came into the church, dolled up in the height of fashion, he wished nothing more than to run out of God’s holy building, jump upon a gondola and row away from the city.
Despite his prowess, his popularity, his apparent undeniable power, he was unable to escape this marriage. There were exterior forces, beyond his control.
He said it to you truthfully.  
“I was given no choice. I had to say yes.”
You did not believe him. “King of the Venetian military, the Republic’s favourite man and you could not control your choice of wife?” You wanted to laugh at him.
He could tell. “You would not understand,” he muttered, turning away from you. “All you have ever done is be a spoiled Doge’s daughter.”
That really ticked you off. “You have no idea what I have done for myself. You will never know of the burdens I carry for being a woman alone.” You crossed your arms, daring him to face you like a man. “All you have done is go to some foreign land and kill a few poor souls.”
Now that really ticked him off. “You speak of burdens as if I have none.” His voice dropping an octave had you blinking back. “You are not the only person who has struggled.”
You watched him as he finally deigned you a glance. There was something incredibly bleak in his usual stormy eyes. Not that you had never not seen him in a sour countenance, but this was possibly the first time you had seen him so hopeless.
“You are not the only person who has felt alone.”
A great part inside of you wished to cackle the ceiling down.
He should feel alone! You raged inside your mind, looking down at the ends of your wedding gown. He should feel something akin to loneliness so he could understand a fraction of your despair. The general was constantly surrounded by his men, his followers, hundreds of thousands of admirers from all over Europe.
You, on the other hand, had only yourself and your paint.
Even with that bitterness, no laughter spluttered from your lips.
You could only match his cruel stare, and hope he took you seriously.
A few more minutes passed before he sighed, taking off his loosened cravat from his neck, putting his sheathed sword on the set of drawers behind him. “We should sleep,” he said, stepping before the opposite side of the bed.
Watching his every move, you then shifted your gaze to the bed. “Yes…we should…”
His famous brow quirked inquisitively. “What are you thinking now?” he asked, clearly exasperated. He then continued dryly, “If you are still hesitant about the whole consummation, then I can assure you that I, too, would slice my head off if you suggested it.”
“Well, I am not suggesting it,” you muttered. “I am more puzzled about why you are getting into bed.”
His tiredness did not stop his stare turning sharp with sarcasm. “Because that is what a person does if they wish to sleep.”
“I am aware of that, thank you.” You put a hand to your chest. “But I wish to sleep as well, and I will be damned before I let you sleep in the same bed as me.”
Now his gaze turned mocking. “My God, you have some nerve saying such a thing.” He set the cravat down on the bedside table. “If you have a problem with me sleeping here, you can sleep somewhere else.”
“Excuse me!” you exclaimed, reaching out to clutch the bedsheets. “This is my bedroom. I have slept here my entire life!” You huffed, sitting on the plush mattress. “Besides, are you soldiers not accustomed to sleeping anywhere? I am sure my bedroom floor is a lavish upgrade from whatever hellsite you rested abroad.”
“Oh, you—” he brought his knee upon the bed, hands further placed as he leaned closer to you. “I care very little whether you have been sleeping here all your life. Your father brought me here, so I have a right to this space.”
You matched his vigour instantly, leaning just as close, sparking a fire in your expression. “And I care none if Papa brought you here—hell, if the Pope carried you to this very room.” His growing rage had no effect on your own. “Sleep. On. The. Floor.”
Mere inches away from each other, the general stared you down. Had the receiver of such a cruel eye been his soldiers, they would have run for the lakes, abandoned the army altogether. Seungcheol’s cold, calculating glares have had enemies shiver in their masses.
It irked him so ardently that his infamous tactics ceased to work on you.
He looked over your features: the manic, determined glint in your pupils, the flared nose, the pursed lips. No one, a woman, no less, had stood up to him like this.
Of course, he should not have been surprised. You had always been a sharp pain in his backside.
God, I cannot let her win, his voice rang, over and over in his head. She cannot have this over me.
But then he saw a glimmer in your usual mischievous gaze, and he knew you were about to commit a crime.
He was not wrong.
Because you did have an idea, and you smirked, fingers rising to the thin bow on the top of your dress.
Slowly, you began to untie the lace.
Seungcheol watched with no small amount of horror as your rigid wedding gown began to loosen at the top, its flared arms drooping around your shoulders.
You made to untie the second lace when he raised his hands, twisting his lips into a scowl. “What the hell are you doing?!” he demanded, getting off the bed.
“What does it look like?” You untied the string, dress falling further down till you needed your hands to hold it steady.
A single drop, and everything would be revealed.
The greatest general in the peninsula nearly squirmed at the thought.
Your fingers toyed with the last lace.
His eyes darted to your movements. Then, to your face, and you noticed the change of expression—it was as if he was thinking of a military strategy, a last-minute decision on the battlefield.
Once again, you pulled at the string.
But before the knot was fully untied you heard a savage growl escape his mouth.
“Oh, for God’s sake!”
Before you even let the dress fall, he swerved around, grabbing hold of his sword from the drawers. “Fine! Have your room!” The muscles on his back flexed as he raked a hand in his hair. “You are truly ridiculous!”
You could only laugh at the scene of him thundering to the door, vigorously unlocking it and storming out.
The laughter did not stop as you changed into your nightgown, shaking your head.
You did not care if Choi Seungcheol had become your husband.
You were not going to let anything about your life change.
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AS IF THE ACTUAL WEDDING CELEBRATIONS WERE NOT ENOUGH, THE PATRICIANS WISHED TO SEE YOU BOTH AS AN OFFICIAL COUPLE.
You and Seungcheol never received a moment’s rest. It had been a mere week since the two of you were bound forever, but everyone wished to catch a glimpse of the newlyweds, the two most popular people in the Republic.
It was hard enough having to attend—what made it quite worse was that you and the general barely spoke to each other.
Seungcheol found solace in the war council, Venice’s position still unstable since its victory over the Ottomans. You supposed him avoiding you was an unlikely advantage, as it meant you could go wherever you wished in the daytime without him knowing.
It was not like you discarded the nun’s gowns either—what a man does not know will not hurt him.
Your dear friends, who had attended the wedding, harassed you for details of any intimacy between your husband, and with great disgust you rebuked any wild fantasies you were sure they had conjured up. You simply released your frustrations on new paintings, hoping your newfound circumstances would inspire your creativity.
“You can always paint the general as the god of war,” Soonyoung offered, admiring his own art, inspired by the mythology. “And you as Venus, his oh so smitten goddess.”
He was not met with any amusement. “I shall paint him as an ugly troll,” you pondered, creating the blue skies upon your giant canvas. “And I can be Diana, hunt him down and pierce him with my arrow!”
“Congratulations on your marriage, happy bride,” Minghao jeered, earning a good shove into his table of paints from you. Soonyoung, fearing further violence, resorted to laughing at his poor friend, turning to the model he drew.
Your friends were utter shits, but at least they knew you could handle their incessant bullying—still, they were unaware that you and the general remained separate in the bedchamber.
The separation continued for the next week, and you thought that a marriage can be convenient in the end. Seungcheol, minding his own business, investing his energies in the Republic; you, investing your heart and soul into your art.
However, all good things tend not to last.
The parties were upon the both of you in an instant, and invitations being sent from every patrician family in the city had to be answered. You would have outright refused to come had the Doge and Councillor Choi not pestered for a positive answer.
With the esteemed general not present to discuss it with, you read up on the ideal Venetian wife, and what she would do when mentioning an important matter.
And then did the exact opposite.
You were well versed on married female etiquette, but completely ignored it as you walked through Saint Mark’s square. It was unusual without your disguise, feeling more exposed—there were eyes on you everywhere. Any normal woman would have been tormented off the streets.
You, however, were the Victor’s wife.
Scowling at the fact, you entered the Choi’s Manor on the banks of the Lagoon, a beauty of black and white and gold swirling on the stone walls, sleek windows speckled all over the buildings. The grand doors were open once they saw your figure nearing, whispers of excitement at your entrance.
The large courtyard was bustling with servants, the scent of a rich lunch looming in the warm air. A housekeeper hurried to you, greeting formalities to you, and asked you if you needed any assistance.
“Yes, I am looking for General Choi, please,” you said, looking around the four sides of the manor, keeping you in. Faint clashes of steel-on-steel entered your ears the more you focused on your surroundings. “I was wondering if he was here.”
The housekeeper first giggled heartedly. “General Choi! My goodness, ma’am, such formality with your husband!”
You only offered a huffed laugh. “Yes, I suppose so,” you mumbled, because you could not enlighten her that you saw him more as an old pain-in-the-arse and less as a life partner.
“He is outside in the next courtyard, sparring with a soldier. Come, dearest, let me take you to him.”
She led you into the red-decked halls of the Choi Manor, recognising the face of the Councillor on the paintings, a few of his deceased wife. Interesting how Seungcheol was not in any of them.
Stopping at the edge of the exit, she gestured outside, the sound of swords much louder. “They must be finishing up by now.”
You thanked her as she left, watching her settle in the first courtyard before taking a deep breath.
You stepped into the second. The white cobblestone beneath your shoes was more polished, hurt your feet much less. Barrels were stacked against the walls, a few horses tied loosely on fences, waiting patiently for their owners. You first thought why on earth someone had horses in Venice, but a harsh clash of steel had your head whirling.
Your mouth parted, ever so slightly.
There he was. The commander of Venice, on the opposite side, sending his longsword upon his subordinate’s. The younger of the two staggered, quickly regained his composure, but your groom was faster. Seungcheol’s loose white shirt clung to his muscled body as he collided his sword again, matted black curls whipping along each rapid move.
He was not far from being faster than lightning—you had heard of his military prowess, but people always had a tendency to inflate their favourites’ achievements. Watching the general bring down the soldier’s barriers, slashing his opponent’s sword to the ground, and then making him surrender within a minute, was something else entirely. It was as if he had consumed the soul of Mars, and had, if only for a second, become the god of war.
You just had to admit it. Choi Seungcheol was a born warrior.
It did not help either that his irritatingly thin shirt revealed too much evidence of his warriorship.
You can always paint the general as the god of war.
Instantly you scowled.
He grinned widely upon his defeated soldier—you could not hear him, but you were sure he was teasing the man of his victory. Soon after, though, he held out his hand, and the soldier was up, pulling him in a side-embrace.
Quickly you cleared your throat, alerting your presence to the two men.
Seungcheol’s shrewd gaze latched onto you.
His smirk remained. “Do you wish to be next, my lady?”
A roll of eyes was reflex as you walked closer to him. “Never. I won’t let you kill me this easily.”
The opponent listened with eyes wide. “Cheol! How can you offer a sparring match to your wife?”
The general did not steer his gaze from you. “Believe me, Chan,” he said, “This woman before you is capable of a massacre.”
This Chan could only watch in horror as you smiled at your husband, void of any warmth. He scratched the back of his neck, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable between his commander and his wife. “I will go inside,” he announced to no one in particular and retired, a little haste in his step.
Seungcheol glanced at his subordinate before focusing on you. “To what do I owe this displeasure?”
“I had no burning desire to see you, either, Cheol,” you chirped, smug to see him scowl at the nickname. You brought out paper envelopes, a fraction of the dozens waiting at the Doge’s Palace. “Invitations. Our friends and family wish to see us.”
He took one from your hand, studying the family name. “Since when did you want to visit these people? I thought you despised patricians.”
“I do.” You then recalled a recent memory. “Father insists I go with you. He thinks it rude to not attend parties celebrated for us.”
He then studied you. “Since when did you care for the opinions of others?”
You raised a brow. “I do not.”
“Excellent.” He returned the invitation. “Then there is no need to go.”
But you were not satisfied. “I would have agreed with you—”
“Agreed with me?” he mockingly gasped, and you had to stamp on the urge to grab his sword and slice the smirk off his face. “My, my, what caused you to support my opinion? Has the Lord finally struck some good sense into you?”
“Is there not another war for you to die in?” you snapped.
“You can be the first to send me to my death should the war arise,” he merely offered, a phantom smile touching his lips. “Now tell me, why do you want to go to these awful parties?”
Your hands locked behind your back. “I was sent word from Councillor Choi.” The mention had Seungcheol pausing. “He asked whether you were the one insisting I decline invitations.”
This information had the man losing amusement. You noticed instantly. “Is there something amiss between the two of you?”
“Nothing of importance,” he said, but he was lying through his teeth. Since your childhoods you could never decipher his dishonesty—the bastard was damn good at deception. This very moment, though, it was startling how easily you read him.
He noticed your scrutiny, and waved it off with his hand, grabbing hold of his canteen. “We will go to a few parties.” He took a quick swig, setting it upon the barrel. “We can always leave early.”
You nodded, watching him take his longsword. “I was expecting you to argue with me,” he taunted. “Have I finally tamed the beast?”
“You could not even argue me out of my bed,” you remarked, turning on your heel. “Boast of something you have actually achieved.”
There you left him seething, you snickering to yourself as you exited the courtyard.
Finally tamed the beast?
You scoffed.
I shall see about that.
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ALL THE PARTIES YOU ATTENDED FOR THE PATRICIANS WERE EVERY BIT AS HORRENDOUS AS YOU EXPECTED.
You and Seungcheol decided to attend the most important out of the invitations, but that still meant showing your faces for the dozen nights.
The first was done at the Doge’s Palace, courtesy of your father, and the sheer boredom of the formalities had you falling asleep mid-conversation. Still, you held out, knowing that your husband was nearby, gathering the attention of the most important men within that vicinity.
The nights did not stop there, though. The next party would then lose the formalities, and the more celebrations you attended, the wilder they became. The talk of politics over a glass of Tuscan wine became almost drunken brawls in the supposed dignified ballrooms. Members of your family and friends, who always vocalised etiquette and honour above everything else, became the centres of embarrassment when too much alcohol was consumed.
You would have found all of this incredibly entertaining had you not been forced to witness these events. At least Seungcheol was uncomfortable with the drunken anarchy around him, so you resorted to laughing at him instead.
Five parties of the same mayhem, and then it became too boring.
There were only so many times you could see the same families fight each other in the cool night air. There was only a limit to how much wine you could drink before it would be taken from you, and then you would spend the rest of the night exasperated.
It was in the sixth party that you decided to sneak out.
The plan was perfect—you knew that you could not escape too early, so you encouraged the guests to drink as much as their guts could manage, and watched as the chaos you quickened consumed the manor. You smiled to yourself as, within the third hour, you began to slip away from the party. The Venetian people were truly as foolish as you expected.
You hoped, though, that Seungcheol had not seen you, as he, unfortunately, was not a part of the foolish class. You cared little the more distance you created from the party estate, turning to your familiar, artistic haven.
The escape from the celebrations brought you relief of the highest order; it was nice to have other artists around as you paint, but having the studio to yourself in the middle of the night was a greater fortune. Your friends’ words were an inspiration, so you began to explore the possibilities of a mythology painting.
Every time a party occurred after that, you managed to escape the celebrations, finding solace in your workshop, the paints that covered your skirts, your hands as you bore your soul to the empty canvas. This act continued for a few more parties, you going unnoticed, and you were incredibly smug.
However, when Soonyoung invited you to his family manor, it was almost impossible to escape. Especially since you wanted to leave the moment you entered the estate, your husband right beside you, as eager to escape as you were.
The place was in chaos.
The lute players were in disarray, you suspecting they were half-drunk on wine, being handed out by servants in every corner. If you thought the previous parties were bad, the one the Kwon family held was another form of debauchery. There were courtesans, whispering to older patricians—widowed men, married men—seducing them for the latter part of the night.
When you and Seungcheol stepped further in, some of those feline eyes latched onto the man beside you. You glanced at him, but he was looking straight at Councillor Choi and the Doge of Venice, sitting at the very back of the hall.
Soonyoung was in the middle of the anarchy, cackling at some far-away anecdote of his cousin’s, downing a flute of wine before catching sight of you both. His smile lit up his entire face as he stumbled near you both, hands raised wide.
“Lord and Lady Choi!” he exclaimed to the crowd, his straight black locks matted with sweat—no doubt from the constant running around, acting the best, drunk host. “An honour to have you both here under my roof!”
He then hiccupped, leaning closer to you. “Well, my father’s more like, but what is his is bound to be mine!”
You straightened him with your free hand. “Soonyoung, you should be banned from ever drinking again.”
“God, what a spoilsport!” He rebuked, sliding his mischievous gaze to your husband. “General, you must silence your boring wife at once!”
The said man clicked his tongue. “The day I manage to shut her up is the day I truly deserve every medal ever awarded to me.”
You shot him a glare. “Hand those medals back to the people then,” you hissed. “I have yet to be silenced.”
The esteemed commander then turned to your friend. “See?”
Soonyoung spluttered into laughter, patting Seungcheol a bit too enthusiastically on the shoulder. “By God, you are not the vision dear _____ painted of you!”
That had the famous eyebrows raising. “Oh?” the man beside you got out, and you could feel the feline amusement radiating off his skin. “And what image has she created of me?”
You immediately glowered at the drunkard, but he only beamed at the two of you, holding you each by the opposite shoulder. “Now, dear general,” he began, slurring his words, “No matter how much I admire you, you cannot make me say the awful, dirty things my friend has said of you.” He winked at you, pulling away. “You may ask her yourself!”
He then sighed dreamily, as if he sat down beside a fireplace after an extremely long day. “Please do enjoy, friends,” he declared, gesturing to the servants with the wine.
His stare then lingered on Seungcheol as he finished, “And do not forget to dance!”
With a theatrical bow, he was swept away by a dazzling courtesan who was worth more his attention than the Victor of Venice and the Doge’s daughter.
You let out a sharp exhale. “I will poison Soonyoung’s wine next time.”
Seungcheol wasted no time. “So he would die before confessing the awful, dirty things you have said about me?”
“Oh, please,” you snarled, “Everything I have complained to them about I have said to your face.”
“Is that so?” His interrogating glint had you gripping tighter onto his arm. “Then why try to silence him when he was about to reveal the secret?”
“Because he is a liar,” you merely responded, as if you, too, were not exaggerating. In full honesty, Soonyoung was constantly lying, but he would have been irritatingly honest if he tattled on you.
The general was not letting you go that easy. He was ready to bombard you with more questions when the music began to change, and everyone was partnering up. Space was created in the middle of the ballroom, and the energy of the entire manor changed, excitement bouncing off every side of the massive hall.
Confused, you looked around, and saw Councillor Choi heading over to you, red robes glinting in the lamp lights. Instantly, you bowed your head. “Signor,” you greeted.
He smiled, returning your address. “Good evening, child.” His gaze turned to his nephew. “Seungcheol.”
“Uncle.”
The curt welcome had you shifting. You tried to make conversation. “I hope you have not tired of the celebration.”
“No, no, _____, especially now everyone is about to dance.” Again, he focused on his relation. “I hope you two will also join in.”
That was enough to make you perk up in surprise. “Oh?” You slipped out, but then realised he was fully serious.
The general, on the other hand, was much more direct. “I have no wish for dancing tonight, thank you,” he replied, looking ahead to the forming couples in the middle. “In fact, I think it is late enough—”
“Whatever do you mean?” Councillor Choi interrupted, raising a hand. “Cheol, you have been married for little over a month. Do your poor wife the honour of a dance this evening.”
You tried to intercept. “Signor, I am perfectly fine, I do not wish—”
“Nonsense!” He then gestured to the final round of formation, the musicians ready to begin the waltz. “A bride and groom should always dance in these celebrations. Especially if the celebration is done in their honour.”
He locked his hands behind his back. “Go, child,” he then directed to you. “At least do one waltz.”
Still hesitant, you turned to the general, whose iron stare was rooted to his uncle. You wondered whether he was going to refuse outright, amplify the awkward atmosphere permeating their group.
Then, his free hand was lifted.
It held on to yours which gripped his arm. He slid your hand onto his left one, interlocking his fingers. The silver ring on his pinky was achingly cold.
Your eyes widened at the contact, but Seungcheol did not return your shocked stare. “Let us dance,” he said, and led you to the middle.
On instinct, people parted to make way for the Victor, stunned at seeing him dance for the first time. Whispers of excitement spread throughout the ballroom, but you were fixated on the slender fingers, intertwined with yours.
The strange feeling did not leave as he led you, right in the centre of the partners, as expected of the most important man in the party. He raised your interlocked hands; his other hand slithered around your waist, and you almost let out a cry of surprise at the way he pulled you closer.
This time, his eyes finally focused on you.
“Put your arm around me, _____, or everyone will discover our fraudulent marriage.”
You would have argued against it, but there was something deeply unsettling in his gaze. This time, you let the order slide, bringing your hand to his shoulder, lined with fur.
With a single nod to the musicians, the general began the entertainment.
The loveliest, liveliest music filled the golden hall.
The lute players, despite their drunkard stupor, played most harmoniously as Seungcheol’s feet followed the tune, leading you slowly about the circle. Stunned, you quickly followed along, glancing down to make sure his boots did not stomp on your low-heeled shoes.
“Are you surprised that I can waltz?” he asked, finally sensing your catchup.
Once you were sure you would not stumble, you looked up at him. “I am, actually.” You then scoffed. “I suppose you were not always killing poor civilians while you were gone.”
“You do know I have never killed an innocent,” he remarked. “I only fight men I see on the battlefield.”
“You men and your wars,” you ranted, gripping harder onto his shoulder. “It is merely an excuse to kill without punishment.”
That had the man frowning as he circled you about. “What do you think I did every day while I was abroad?”
Mocking a ponder, you answered, “Wasting the Republic’s time and resources?”
His laugh was a mere huff of breath. “And what did you do while I was away?” he asked. “Complain about me, rant about my achievements as you painted your silly pictures?”
That had your mirth faltering. “How do you know that I paint?”
His lips twisted in a wry smile. “I could smell the oil pigment on your clothes whenever I had to talk to you.” He scrunched his nose. “God, even after all these years, I cannot forget the scent. It is almost like I can smell it now.”
Damn it! “So what if I partake in an interest, Seungcheol? Art is an excellent pastime to indulge in.” You raised your chin. “I would take a painting over a severed prisoner’s head as a prize anyday.”
The man shrugged. “And I, too.”
Your brows furrowed. “What?” He asked, admiring the finery of the Kwon Family ballroom. “Can I not enjoy painting?”
“Well,” you started, quite at a loss for words. “You have never mentioned that you like art.”
“That is because, dear _____,” he mused, twirling you around with one hand before bringing you back in his arms, “The only thing we talk about is how much we despise each other.”
Your hand was back on his shoulder—this time you held on tighter. “It will stay that way, Cheol.”
His fingers drummed on your back, along to the tune. “Of course.”
You let the conversation rest for a while, your and your husband’s steps working in perfect accord with each other as the music heightened, crossing over to its second half. The partners, all circling around you, were joyous, excited as they whispered sweetly to the other, amorous in their exchanges.
The great general and the Doge’s daughter, on the other hand, had other prospects in mind.
You, mainly, with a question that bothered you for a time. “Why did Councillor Choi insist we dance?”
Seungcheol exhaled sharply. “Because he is unconvinced that we are madly in love with each other.”
“An excellent intuition.”
He frowned, silent once more. That was not enough for you. “Has he done something to you?” you pressed.
The man regarded you for a moment. “I will tell you if you tell me what Soonyoung was going to say.”
“You are truly insufferable!” you huffed, turning your head away. “Stay curious! You will never know.”
“All right,” he said, the curiosity still present. “You can tell me where you sneak off to every time we attend a party.”
You froze.
An amateur move, when the man was still leading the dance. Stumbling into him, both your hands held onto his large frame, making him pause. With great efficiency, his hands stayed on your waist, sweeping you along in the circle before anyone noticed.
“Judging by your reaction, I assume it is somewhere shocking.” His eyes narrowed. “Somewhere you do not want anyone following after you.”
Your endeavoured to feign innocence. “I have no idea what you speak of.”
He laughed, and the vicious joy in it had you growing in rage. “Lying is a sin, carissima,” he stated, as if he himself was a leading angel of God. “Confess your wrongdoing, and maybe I will forgive you should you show me.”
“You are not a priest,” you snapped, “I will stick to confessing to God over an arrogant soldier.”
His amusement grew with your anger. “And you are not a nun, but you played the part so well, costume and all!” His fingers tapped against your back, sending a strange sensation down your spine. “Perhaps I should invest in church robes.”
“Let me add to my sins then.” You knifed him with a withering glare. “Rot in hell, Seungcheol.”
This time, his laughter was sudden.
Spluttering out of him without his usual restraint, it left the constraints of the dancing circle, many people smiling at the sound. You were a little taken aback, almost stepping on his boots at the lack of focus. You watched his eyes crinkle, laugh lines morphing on his skin, and you closed your mouth, simply taking in the image.
You had never seen the general laugh like that.
As he finished into soft chuckling, his one hand left your side, clutching onto your hand on his shoulder. “I am flattered to see you bear bad deeds for me.” He raised your hand out, fingers cradling your palm. “It makes me forget that you run off to some dark, decrepit place in the middle of the night.”
You halted his fingers with your own, tightening the grip. “It is nothing of what you suspect,” you muttered. “Not that it is any of your business.”
His eyes darted over your features—the furrow of your brows, the determined glare, the pursed lips. They stayed there a fleeting second. “It is my business that you are safe wherever you go.”
“Since when did you care for my safety?” you challenged. “You should be happy if I was away from you. Found dead even. Do you not want your freedom?”
The music grew louder, nearing the crescendo. The people around you were waltzing faster, but the general was a mile ahead, feet quickening, urging you to follow. “I would have been overjoyed once,” he jeered, spinning you once again, faster and faster.
He then caught you, never stopping his feet, always on par with the drama of the tune which did not wind down. “But things have changed. My father-in-law is the most important man in Venice.” Another twirl, another swift catch. “I am tied to a family that is constantly under scrutiny from other jealous lords. Most importantly—”
His hand on your back jerked against you, pushing you closer.
“You are my wife, now.” His whisper had goosebumps forming. “Your safety has become my greatest concern.”
You parted your mouth.
You wished you had a snide remark to throw back at him. Anything mean, even a shrivel of cruelty to shatter the bubble he had created this very minute. It was not as if you cared what he thought. You did not ask for his concern.
Then why was the thought of someone’s concern for you so comforting?
The crescendo of the music was upon the ballroom, but the couple in the centre had slowed. Seungcheol sensed your mind in disarray, as loud and dramatic as the instruments, but he did not want to let this go. Something about your particular secret bothered him.
The meagre distance between you two did not stop him. “Tell me where you slip away to, _____,” he urged, a strange look in his eyes.
God—you had to get away from him. Why could you not push him away? “I…” For the first time in your life, you had a hard time holding his stare. “I cannot.”
“Why?” His question sang in your ears. “What do you hide from me?”
This was all too much; his eyes were too honest, too concerning, and you wished for the man to terrorise you like old times. This kind of sweet torment was unbearable because you could not fight it.
Perhaps you would have told him. You could have exposed your deepest secret, and all would have been lost, and the man you despised the most would have learned your true passion.
Then the musicians ended their song, and the ballroom erupted into applause.
The thundering claps snapped you out of the bubble immediately. Once noticing the lack of distance between you two, you instantly recoiled from his presence, gaping at his stunned expression. You ripped your hands from his hold, and you saw his figure, breathing unevenly underneath the rich, fur robes.
What in God’s name had happened?
You did not ponder over the question.
The crowd dispersed, but the two of you remained in the same position.
It was after a long time when you composed yourself that you made to open your mouth. That you mustered a little cruelty.
“I may be your wife in God’s eyes,” you began, slowly backing away from him, “But I am free in my own.”
And as you stalked out of the ballroom, leaving the Victor of Venice on his own, you put a hand on your rapid heartbeat, breathing heavily.
I answer to no one but myself.
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THE NEXT TIME, YOU WERE HESITANT IN SNEAKING OUT.
Another week had passed since that fateful night—the night where the general let a few heavy truths slip from his tongue, and trapped them within your mind.
Just the memory had your heart racing, and it was not from the trek, from the new party location to your studio. You cursed yourself multiple times at letting yourself become so vulnerable in that moment, but what else could you have done? That was the first time Seungcheol had been so candid.
You are my wife now. Your safety is my biggest concern.
You shivered involuntarily.
To Hell with him! To think you were going to confess your sanctuary to him—you would have never forgiven yourself should that have happened.
As you approached the workshop door, you pushed it open—empty, just as you hoped. Amazing.
Your near-finished painting welcomed you as you relit the candles from last night, running to every candle where the wax was located. Snuffing out the burning wood, you walked back to your easel, assessing the image.
The figures were ready to be painted in detail, so that meant a dozen more layers, more nights of work. This did not worry you, though, when the parties to escape were endless. You had all the time in the world.
You were about to pick up your paint brushes, scattered on the side, when a voice resonated behind you.
A snarling voice which had your entire world pausing.
“So this is where you run off to.”
Silence.
Every single bone in your body stilled. Like the unfinished statues that surrounded the room, you were motionless, stunned by the familiar, husky baritone that was haunting you all week.
Somehow, you managed to turn around.
Your eyes then broke the statuesque spell, widening.
There he was, the devil cloaked in midnight, the very man you wished to avoid as he regarded you with the strangest expression on his face. The hairs on the back of your neck stood erect, your hands going numb under his scrutiny. It was so unusual—undoubtedly, there should have been anger, deep, red rage simmering under his features, but there was something else stirring.
His own eyes were dazed at the surroundings.
His fur robes shuffled as he took a step forward, observing the lush artwork on his every side, ancient costume and dried up ink palettes scattered on the floor. The wooden pedestal, where the models would stand, was empty of life, emptier now that all life had been snuffed out in the general’s presence. He had no words to offer you as he examined your haven, the one sweet secret no one could discover.
But the general had discovered it, and he was not quite sure what to do about it.
When he was about five feet away from you, you managed to speak. Managed to make out the words, “What…what are you doing here?”
Seungcheol, surprisingly, answered your question. He could not believe it either, for he scoffed. “I was searching for you…at the ball, just earlier, and…” he paused again, sucking his lower lip. “Of course…I should have known.”
He then looked at you, and there it was—the fire that you expected—brimming underneath that demeanour. “I should have known that you would not listen to me.”
By God—that was enough to snuff out your fear. “What?” you began, covering your canvas with your back. “Listen to you? Why would I listen to you?!”
“Because I am your husband!” he exclaimed right back, forcing another step. “Because I should know where the hell you slither off to!”
“Oh, you just love throwing that word around, don’t you? Husband, husband, husband!” You cackled like a she-devil. “Why hide it? Say that you wish to lord over me!”
“_____, you ran away in the middle of the night!” He flailed his arms about in exasperation. “Wandering in the most dangerous parts of the city! And alone at that!” His hands curled into fists. “Did you not realise how stupid that was?”
“So what do you do?” You pointed at him. “Follow me like a pervert?”
“I was watching to see whether you were safe.”
“Safe!” you snarled at his word, crossing your arms. “I do not feel safe anymore. Not around you.”
His eyes narrowed. “How do I make you feel unsafe?” he guttered, stepping another foot, and you knew you hit a nerve. “What have I done to make you so miserable?”
“You, you…!” you started breathing heavily. “You have ruined my life!” Your chest was heaving, up and down erratically. “Marrying me when none of us wanted this! Expecting me to play the dutiful wife while you do whatever you want!” Your hand that pointed at the accused began to shake. “Even taking this studio away from me!”
Seungcheol could not believe his ears. “I have told you, I was forced into this damned union as much as you were!” he countered, another step taken. “I never said I wanted you to play the dutiful wife, I just wanted you away from harm!” He then gestured to the artwork. “And how the hell did I take this studio away from you when I was unaware of its presence?!”
“You will, you will!” you screeched. “You will tell father, and he will tear my paintings, destroy this room, and you will watch and laugh at the destruction!”
“Laugh? Laugh at you? What do you take me for?!”
“A tyrant!” Now your hands fisted at your sides, almost trembling. “You are the devil, Seungcheol, even if you have fooled all of Venice!”
He gritted his teeth, a sharp tick appearing in his jaw. You were riling him up—the tick was reserved only for prisoners of war, or the city’s traitors. “Maybe I should destroy your paintings.”
Your eyes widened, but you dared not show a streak of fear. “You would not dare.”
“Would I not?” he snarled, raising his hands to the unfinished artwork. “You can say whatever you want to me, but I am not given the same privilege?”
“You do not deserve any benefits from me,” you snapped back. “You have enough from all these people, worshipping you day and night! Still you bother me!”
“Because you are aggravating!” he then roared, and you could have sworn his voice could have brought down the studio roof. “You have tested my patience far too many times to let it slide! I have had enough!”
You laughed at him, and that made his blood boil. “And what will you do, Cheol?” You mocked, cradling your chin with your finger. “God, maybe you should tell Papa about the studio! Then he can lock me up, and I would not have to see you again!”
“That will not work, because I am tied to you! We are married! Forever!” He emphasised the last word. “I cannot get rid of you!”
“And whose fault is that?!” you demanded. “Whose fault is that, tell me!”
“You just don’t listen!” His breathing became shallow, hardened. “How many times do I say it so it stays in your head?”
Your nostrils flared. “I do not have to listen to you!” you shrieked, head pounding from rage. “I listen only to those who mean something to me, and you are nothing to me!”
Another step, and he was a foot away from you. “By God,” he began, knifing you with a glare that could have had armies fleeing. “You need to shut your mouth.”
You matched his deathly scrutiny. “What did you just say to me?!”
“I said…” he raised his voice, looking down at you, skimming between your blazing eyes and your parted lips. “You need to shut. Your. Fucking. Mouth.”
That had your soul erupting into a frenzy.
You looked straight back up at him. The venom in your voice was unmatched.
“Or what?”
But the general did not answer you. No, he was still as the statues of your peers, save for his gaze, flickering between your lethal eyes, and your pursed mouth. Certain moments, they stayed a second longer on the latter.
His mouth parted at the sight. The sudden movement had your gaze darting to his lips, and suddenly your heart was pounding in your ears, and you could not decipher whether that was from the rage or the sheer bewilderment of the silence.
The quiet was deafening. The victor’s eyes were unbearable.
He could see right through you.
“That is what I thought.”
And then he turned on his heel, ready to depart.
You could have burst into flames.
“Fuck you!”
He paused.
You did not. The words were erupting from you, unable to stop yourself. “You are a coward, Seungcheol! You talk and talk and talk, but you do nothing!” your fingers pointed towards him, accusing in every sense. “You are just an insufferable, cowering bastard!”
Frenzied, you would have screamed and screamed till the sun stopped you with its new day, but another force beat it.
Another powerful, enraging force that whirled on his feet.
Like lightning, this unstoppable force thundered to you, and you did not even comprehend what he would do until he grabbed your face with both his hands and kissed you with the strength of a seastorm.
Nothing in the entire universe could have prepared you for this.
Your eyes enlarged, your breath extinguished, but he was moving upon your mouth—the sheer impact had you stumbling back, but he did not let go, cherishing the fervour that radiated off you. What riled you up further was your audacity, your nerve to slide your hands to his cloaked shoulders, fisting the rich, black fur.
His ring was cold on your cheek, but his lips were warm, soft despite the scar down its right, soft like the fire of a candle as it sparks to life. The second he felt you move against him, he angled your mouth, boosting your pleasure, and you could barely keep in the groan that tried to escape, gripping him tighter. What in God’s name were you doing, why were you not stopping this disaster before it truly spiralled—
But now he was opening your mouth with his own, and you were unable to stop the chaos as his tongue slid along your bottom lip. There must have been witchcraft at play, because you let him enter, whining as he pushed you back, empty easels falling to the floor, paintbrushes scattering, but Seungcheol did not care a bit, and to your shock you shared in his lack of care.
Damn him, damn him to hell and beyond, because his tongue swirled with yours, and he explored you, finding the origins for such bitterness, such hatred that lived in your body. You would never share your secret, but his search was so enticing that you let the chase continue. So ironic, how your tongues showed more harmony than you both had ever shared before.
He backed you against the wall of the studio, and the moment your shoulders hit the wooden panels you could not help breaking the kiss, gasping at the collision, the numbed pain that bloomed in your back. Seungcheol, the razor sharp general, bounced at the opportunity to pepper rushed, heated kisses along the corner of your mouth, down to the lines of your chin, trailing down and down your neck.
It was carnal—absolutely animalistic, the way he latched onto you with his searing lips, you near-ripping his clothes apart, completely unaware of what was happening, who you were letting devour you into a hysteria. The rush had sent you in a daze, and you would have let him uncover you before the dead eyes of the statues, and sparked life into them.
But then Seungcheol gasped out your name, and it all became too real.
“_____,” he whispered, voice rasping, but your eyes fluttered open.
Seungcheol.
Choi Seungcheol is upon you.
Choi fucking Seungcheol is untying your dress and you are letting him.
You almost lost your breathing, and not because of his kisses.
The same hands that held onto him like a lifeline turned flat upon the fur.
With all the strength you could muster, you pushed him off.
Pushed him with surprising power, because the man stumbled back, almost falling to the ground had he not quickly regained his footing. He was inhaling like a man deprived, and when his head whipped upwards his eyes were as wide as saucers.
You were the same—breathing in disarray, burning underneath your gowns, heartbeat thrumming in your ears.
He may have shown surprise, but you were positively horrified.
Instinctively, your fingers reached your lips. The sensation of his truly remained, singed upon the seams.
“_____?”
You were going to die.
You were going to disintegrate into the studio floor if you did not leave.
The general caught onto your intentions.
But he did not move.
Did not even raise a finger as he watched you burst into a sprint.
Sprint out of the studio, into the darkness of the Venetian street.
You did not know how you managed to run the distance between him and the Palace, but your legs were your saviours, picking up a faster pace through the closed markets, the dingy streets of the city till you reached your home.
Into the halls you raced, through the private chambers till you found your room, bursting through the door, slamming it shut as your back hit against its wooden structure.
In and out, in and out your wheezing went. Shuddered inhale, shuddered exhale, until you were sliding down on the door, hitting the floor.
An infinite thoughts came flooding in, nerves peaking at the discovery, heart racing at the consequences.
One question, however, remained the most prevalent.
What the fuck have you done?
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YOU COULD NOT FORGET THE FATED NIGHT.
It was as if God had cast the bowels of Hells upon your life, scorching every thought and feeling in the form of Seungcheol.
Seungcheol. The very name had you shivering with rage, confusion, fear—new, strange sensations that had never been there before. You could not identify them, but they haunted you in the night, stopped you from your art, tormented your every waking second.
You could not figure out where that desire came from.
Desire. You despised the word, but you could not name it any other thing. You had always heard poems, reciting love and lust, but what of hatred? You did not love the general at all, but the way he had grabbed onto you, taken your lips prisoner and refused to set them free, caging you in his arms…that was not the work of love. That was not pure, innocent affection.
That was something incredibly dark and twisted that night.
Once again, despite your every effort, the general had bested you.
Not this time—never again!
These thoughts were an unwanted companion as you walked to the Doge’s private chambers, where your father and Councillor Choi were expecting you. The former had not seen you for a time, and invited you to lunch beside him after the end of his government session. He also mentioned wishing to speak to you about a certain matter, which sparked your curiosity. You would not have minded his presence had not other matters taken over your every thought.
The grand doors to the private residences opened, and you let your feet take you to the Doge’s quarters, ignoring the golden finery shining in every corner—from the painting frames, from sculptures of St. Mark and his winged lion, the Virgin Mary peppered in each scene.
Your knock on the grandest door of the vast hall was answered by its swift opening. Your father stood, smiling at your presence.
“Cara,” he greeted, bringing his hand on your head. “It is good to see you.”
You returned his beaming. “Likewise, Papa,” you said, entering his room.
Councillor Choi stood up at seeing you, dipping his head. “Good afternoon, _____.”
“Good afternoon, Councillor—” you stepped forward, about to greet him when the seat beside him was exposed.
There sat Seungcheol, and your voice was gone.
Disappeared entirely, when seeing him leaning back, folded leg over the other, blood-red velvet cloak covering his knees. He was clad in his military armour, but his medals were on display, stuck on his dark grey breast, jingling with every soft movement. Half of his hair was tied back, his locks still managing to brush his neck.
You finally dragged your eyes to his face, and all the memories threatened to return.
Unfortunately for you, the general caught onto your change of countenance immediately. His lips curled upwards.
“Afternoon, dear wife,” he mused.
Bastard.
You would have said it out loud, but your father and the uncle were there, and you would never live it down. “Afternoon,” you clipped instead.
He would have said more, but the Doge interrupted him. “My dear, such an icy greeting!” He looked to his commander. “Have you done something to her?”
“I do not think so.” He gestures his gloved hand to you. “Why not ask her, Your Excellency?”
He glanced at you—the glint in his eyes had your throat burning.
Your father now addressed you. “Cara?”
Today was not the day to humour him. “I am fine, Papa, just tired.” You locked your hands together. “Is something the matter?”
“There is a matter of great importance actually.” He pointed towards the empty seat alongside your husband. “Please, do sit.”
Souring, you obeyed, settling your gowns. The man observed your movements with a single glance, but you ignored him. “Do tell us the news,” you said.
The Doge, sitting in his own golden seat, waved a hand to the general. “As you know, your esteemed husband had won us a major battle against the Ottomans,” he explained, as if you had not heard of this story a hundred times already. “As the most important commander in our arsenal, it is only right to bestow him with a cultural gift to celebrate his victory.”
The councillor chimed in, seated bedside his nephew. “I heard from your father that you have a great interest in the arts. We were wondering if you could recommend us a few artists in demand as of late, so we can commission a portrait.”
“A portrait?” You thought for a moment, locking your hands on your lap. “Well, Titian is the classic portraitist. I have heard of his high-priced commissions, but he never disappoints. Lotto is all right, but I prefer Veronese’s work.”
The two elders were humming to your suggestions, but the young man cleared his throat.
“You do not need to think over who will make the portrait. I have already decided on the artist.”
Councillor Choi was intrigued. “Is that so? And who is the esteemed man?”
Seungcheol ghosted a smile. “The esteemed woman is right beside us.”
He then brought a hand upon yours, and locked his decided stare with yours.
“_____ will paint me.”
Three pairs of eyes whirled to the man who let the declaration pass.
Yours exposed the greatest shock amongst them all.
“Whatever do you mean, Seungcheol?” Your father got out, confused beyond question.
The councillor looked as if he was going to laugh. “Perhaps it is the budding affection between the two that compelled him to say this.”
You immediately shut that down. “I have no idea what he meant by that,” you remarked, now turning to your father. “I think you should choose Titian.”
But the general’s hand tightened on yours, his gaze never leaving yours. “Well, why not?” he asked, cocking his head. “His Excellency did tell me that you delved into a bit of painting before.”
“Yes, but it was long ago,” you hissed, retaining a smile to ward off the elders’ suspicions. “I have abandoned the practice altogether.”
He huffed out a gasp, squinting his eyes, and you knew the horrid man was up to something truly horrendous. “Oh, that is not good at all. I shan’t have my wife missing out on her interests.”
Focusing on the Doge, he continued. “I know the two of you are wary, but I want my portrait done by her. If she does not exceed the Council’s expectations, then her plan can be sent to Titian, and he can recreate her vision.”
He paused, staring at the powerful man in the room with utmost charm, and that was it—he had won another victory. “This is a wish from your dearest commander, and son-in-law. I hope you will humour me this once.”
You watched with horror as the Doge of Venice smiled, waving the two of you off. “Oh, I suppose we can try this out.” A glance towards the councillor. “How do you feel about this?”
The said-man observed his nephew, a strange expression staining his aged features. “I mean, this portrait is supposed to be an important piece for the Palace mantle…it is for establishing your importance in our military, after all…” he shrugged, bringing his long, red sleeves together, hiding his hands. “But it is Seungcheol’s painting.”
“Exactly.” He patted your hands, the smugness reaching his feline gaze. “And I want my wife to make my first portrait.”
Oh, you were going to kill him.
Retracting his touch, you crossed your arms. “I have not touched a paintbrush for years, and you expect me to make a victory portrait? You all should have less faith in me.”
“Nonsense! I have the utmost faith in your skills.” The twinkle in his eye had you gritting your teeth. “It was only yesterday, do you not remember, when we were discussing how you wished to paint more often.”
“I do not recall such a conversation,” you muttered.
“How easily you forget!” ” your husband mused. “This is why we must begin the process at once.”
He shifted to the elders. “You both rest easy. I will arrange everything. All you need to do is let _____ take the reins.”
“Father, do not listen to him!” you exclaimed. “I do not want to do this project!”
Well…it was not as if you did not wish to do this project—in reality, being able to paint without having to hide yourself was a dream come true, but you could not fight for that right now. Not when you had Seungcheol using your secret for his own entertainment, not when you could not take on such a task when looking at him was so painful—
“Cara,” the Doge scolded. “If your husband wishes for you to paint him, then you should not refuse him.”
Sighing sharply, expecting this response, you leaned back against the plush chairs, nails digging into your clothes. “Right. Of course. Listen to the husband. Obey his every command.”
You felt a nearby voice invade your mind. “Do not forget to worship the ground he walks on.”
You did not bother to deign Seungcheol a glare.
“Then it is settled!” your father looked at you. “Good luck, _____! Let us see how a woman will complete this difficult task.”
Smiling weakly, you stared ahead at the paintings before you in the chambers. As the two politicians discussed the prospects, you observed the image—the depictions of war, the angels and roman gods, in love and in hate and all involved in chaos.
There was no way you were sneaking out of this project.
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THE PAINTING PROCESS WAS SET UP IMMEDIATELY.
The Doge first suggested setting up an entire studio for your needs, but Seungcheol insisted on a place ‘he was already familiar with’. Of course, he meant your studio.
You would have died before exposing your studio to the elders, but the general was smart. He assured your father and Councillor Choi of finding a safe, artistic space for you to begin your work, where the two of you would not be disturbed. They were satisfied, understanding that you would be under his care, and left the project in his hands.
It was disastrous.
You had foolishly thought once he had caught sight of your secret, he would have been content with the outcome, and left you alone. The bastard, however, had not left your side. Even when you left the Doge’s Palace with the sun just setting, enough light to guide you on your way to your haven, you thought you would be rid of him. He was not at the workshop door, slightly ajar against its harsh, stone walls.
Once you went inside though, it was a completely different picture. Candles had lit up the studio, unfinished statues set aside and half-charcoaled sketches plastered on the walls. Your friends were standing in a scattered circle, easels before them, sketching away.
What they sketched had your mouth dropping open.
The all-too familiar model sat on a wooden chair upon the pedestal, gazing at the distance as he posed for your friends. Tonight, he was adorned in something different—his usual Venetian general-armour had been glorified in Roman centurion-robes, golden plated torso armour, blood-red cloak covering his shoulders and falling to his feet. The tunic beneath the armour stopped just below his thighs, and so gave a perfect view of his legs, sculpted from years of military service. The sandal-boots were tied up to his calves, golden gauntlets on both arms. A spear was held in his right hand, and a red-tousled helmet laid on his lap, his midnight curls remaining half tied, half wildly loosened at his neck. The scar on his lip was more prominent as he posed, exposing a war-like seriousness only a god could muster.
Which was perfect, really, considering who he was posing as.
Minghao heard your footsteps, and smiled. “Ah, _____!”
Seungcheol, hearing your name, broke out of his stance. He greeted your surprise by pointing at you with his spear. “I have been expecting you for the past three hours.”
“What are you talking about?” You immediately snapped, setting your satchel down. “Actually, what the hell are you doing here?”
“_____, is this how you talk to your general?” Soonyoung chimed in, who was right next to Minghao. “Your husband?”
You rolled your eyes. “You better not start, of all people!”
“I was waiting for you to come here so we could begin my portrait.” The general sighed, shaking his head. “It seems you do not take such precious opportunities as seriously as I thought.”
“I have been meaning to talk about that,” you began, walking up to him, stepping up to the pedestal, glaring at him.
He looked up at you, faking innocence. “Whatever do you mean?”
“You know what I mean!” you tried to keep your voice to a seething whisper so the others could not hear. “Why are you forcing me to make your painting?”
“I am not forcing you to do anything.”
“Yes you are!” You put your hands to your hips. “Especially after you made it clear to Papa and Councillor Choi that only I can do it and no one else. You know I cannot refuse their approval!”
“I think they would jump on this chance,” he countered. “Last time I remembered, they did not approve of a noblewoman painting whatever she wishes, whenever she wishes.”
“Why are you getting me in trouble then?” You let out a scornful noise. “God, it is so typical of you.”
Breathing sharply through his nose, Seungcheol brought his spear and helmet down, slowly standing up. You blinked back as you took in his height, retaining your exasperation.
“Do you know why, _____…do you understand why I requested your name for the official portrait?”
You refused to back down from his stare. “Enlighten me.”
He looked at you for a few moments longer. Then, his gaze strayed beyond you, focusing on the artists who spent hours sketching him.
“My dear friends,” he addressed, “I am honoured at you all drawing me as Mars, but I must make a request.” His hand travelled around your waist, and the feeling had your stomach somersaulting. “My wife is tasked to paint me, and I hope you will allow us the use of this workshop.”
Everyone was in agreement, especially your two friends, who were waving off the general’s request.
“Who are we to refuse the Victor of Venice?” Soonyoung declared, dusting off his navy-blue tunic. “As for _____, I am overjoyed that you were selected for the portrait.”
“Does this mean the Doge finally knows of your secret studio?” Minghao inquired, sliding his easel away. “It is about time all of us ceased sneaking around.”
“Not quite…” You glanced at your husband, souring your voice. “Seungcheol here found out, but he will behave and not tattle on us.”
“I hope not, dear general,” Soonyoung agreed, nodding his head towards you. “We have heard about your history of betrayals from _____ many times.”
“Is that so?” You felt his interrogating stare on you. “Worry not, Soonyoung, Minghao. I shan’t tell a soul.”
“Good.” Minghao dusted his hands, standing beside the elder. “If this place is exposed, then all of us cannot meet again. It is bad enough hiding the Doge’s daughter from doing what she wishes. It would be a scandal if the public found her painting with artists outside of the nobility.”
Seungcheol furrowed his brows. “But are you both not nobility?”
Soonyoung exposed a wry smirk. “Yes, but we are men, thank the Lord!” He wrapped his arm around his friend. “Hao and I can escape should we are ever caught, but dear old _____…well…”
You clicked your tongue, addressing the people beyond the party. “Thank you, dear artists! You may go now.”
While the rest began to take their leave, your friends exchanged a glance, indicating their departure. “We should head out too,” Minghao said, turning on his heel. “I hope she does your reputation justice, general.”
The elder of the two put a hand on the commander. “If she paints you as a troll like she promised us, Lord Choi, then you can always ignore the consequences and expose her secret!” He laughed at your sneering gasp. “What? You would deserve it for ruining his beautiful face!”
“Get out,” you ordered, pushing him in Minghao’s direction. “Or I will bring you both down with me.”
“But I did nothing!” the younger complained, taking his belongings from the entrance. “God, you both are going to get me in so much shit!”
Your two friends kept on grumbling, waving hastily at you before leaving the workshop. The rest of the artists followed suit, every single one dipping their heads in respect for the man beside you. With the last one out, the heavy wooden door fell shut.
Silence fell on the dimly-lit studio.
You swivelled around. He was looking straight at you.
The heartbeat, settled before, beat a little louder.
Seungcheol broke the deafening quiet with his voice. “You have your space now.” He gestured towards the empty easel. “We can begin.”
You stayed rooted. “You have not answered my question yet.” A pause. “Why are you making me paint your portrait?”
“Tell me what to do first.” He raised his hands wide. “I will explain once we commence.”
A sharp sigh escaping you, you turned your back on him as you reached for Minghao’s easel, sliding out his rough sketch and setting it to the side. The stretched canvases were already prepared for your use, so you grabbed the larger of the few, settling it on the easel. Seungcheol watched your quick movements—the grabbing of the red and black charcoals, bringing them upon a stool beside the easel.
With the red charcoal in hand, you set your eyes on the subject. “Sit back on the chair,” you said, pointing at the pedestal. “Under the lamplight. I need to sketch out your figure.”
As he followed your order, he rested on the wooden chair, legs spreading apart, tunic stretching. You fought the urge to admire his physique, staring at his face. “What about my clothes?” he asked, picking up the helmet. “I suppose you would eat your canvas before painting me as a god?”
“I can easily paint over your ridiculous costume,” you assured him, earning a snort from him. “Hold up the spear, though. I can use that as a template for your sword.”
As he obliged you, holding up the weapon, you took a deep breath, focusing your gaze over him.
It was time to start your biggest project to date.
This was not indulgent-mythological scenes, or rough landscapes, or even an accurate-Soonyoung-as-a-garden-troll painting. This was an official task, selected by the Senate.
You could not mess this up.
“Ready?” you asked him.
He did not answer your question.
“Are you?”
You nodded.
With your red charcoal upon the canvas, you began.
The process of sketching, for you, was as hard as the painting itself.
The dimensions, the perspectives—everything had to be taken into account. The way Seungcheol sat, the length of his arm as the hand gripped the spear, the space between his legs, and the positioning of his sandalled feet. The composition had to be orderly—you focused on his figure, forgetting the features of his face.
Fortunately for you—or a misfortune, considering your recent situation—his body was perfect. His muscular limbs, glowing in the candle lights, were ideal for your drawing. Seeing as you had only painted gods before, you never bestowed upon them human flaws. It was almost irritating to sketch out the swell of the general’s upper arms, the taut, burly thighs, a golden cuff wrapped around one leg. Sketching his slender fingers which settled on that leg, the silver ring on his pinky shone with each flicker of a movement. Your charcoal captured the hazy details, you not wanting to be too specific.
But then you focused on his face, and your countenance soured completely.
A sly remark came from the model. “Why the horrid face, _____?”
You glanced at him.
You had refused to ever acknowledge such terrifying information. You tried to avoid the age-old truth, but as you began to sketch his face, you could not escape it.
He was so utterly, disgustingly beautiful.
His mane of half-tied black locks, framing the face which had you capturing every stray curl, every strand which hugged his neck. The sharp arch of his brows, the dark, mysterious eyes that sheltered underneath them—the lashes that curled, the slight upward curve of his nose as it descended till his mouth stole the show, their cherry colour staining the plains of his lips. The scar he gained in some long-ago battle cut through on the left side of his mouth, but that only added to his character, accentuated his military prowess. This scar widened as he smirked at you, his laugh lines dimpling his otherwise flawless skin.
Your charcoal darkened as it stayed on the sketched lips.
You tried your best to shut him up. “I am struggling to draw your ugly face.”
The laugh lines deepened. “Your arm was moving quite fast, dear wife. I say you have captured me perfectly.”
Your laugh lines were nowhere to be seen. “You are supposed to stay quiet.”
“Not really.” His hand drummed against his thigh. “I was having lovely conversations with your friends as they sketched me. They seemed to have no problems.”
“Well I work differently,” you spat, trying to chalk out his eyelashes. It was awful how you could capture the mischief of his eyes on the canvas. “If you were having such lovely conversations with my friends then you should have had them make your portrait.”
“I did not want your friends. I wanted you.”
You paused.
Looked at him, that mischief snuffing out.
“I want…you.”
The blood rush was creeping back.
You were almost unable to say anything to him. How could you, though, when he was looking at you like that again, the same stare which caused such anarchy in this very workshop. Second-long memories flashed into your mind, and you had to shake your head hurriedly to wave off the sounds of hitched breaths, burning touches, aching lips.
A voice managed to get out. “Why…why did you want me?”
As the artist, you reminded yourself. As his portraitist. Nothing else.
It seemed like he was bound to ignore your question again, and you swore your anger was never going to leave with this man.
Then, his voice broke all silences.
“I did not want you to paint secretly anymore.”
You gawked at him.
He brought his spear into his lap. “Do you know what my first thought was, when I entered this studio for the first time?” He jerked his head at the surroundings. “Saw your artwork?”
His small smile was stained with sadness. “I thought you were one of the finest artists in the Italian peninsula.”
The charcoal in your hands dropped to the floor.
But you did not care that moment, that specific second when you heard the last of Seungcheol’s words, when they entered your ears, settled in your heart.
No one had ever said such a thing to you in your entire life.
Of course, your artistic colleagues had always provided positive feedback. Hell, even your friends sang praises of every painting you gifted them. But that was different—they were people you liked, people akin to your interests.
This was a man you had despised as long as your memory served you.
It was strange, how something inside your chest expanded the longer his words hung in the air. It was not as if you cared for his opinion. You enjoyed doing the opposite of what he demanded, thrived off his anger, his rage by your hands.
The general watched your expression change, and he did not understand why that made his own chest lighter. “I…” He tried to carry on. “I…I could not have you hide your art, _____…I could not be at peace knowing…knowing I was suppressing your talents. No one deserves that.”
He gestured to the canvas. “It is why I made you do this.” His hands locked together on the spear’s shaft. “I do not know how the art world works, but at least it will expose you to the public. People can see the portrait. They can realise how good you really are.”
A pause. “You would not have to sneak away anymore.”
Sneak away from him.
With that, he quietened, waiting for your response.
You could have collapsed to the ground.
This was not Seungcheol—this was not the stone-cold, rude, sword-up-his-arse general that you clashed with in every interaction. This was not the man who had ruined many memories of your childhood. This was another man entirely, a sheep in wolf’s clothing.
You scoured his gaze for any element of ridicule. Anything, even a speck of mockery to tear his confession down. To your utmost shock, you did not find a trace of anything.
Only raw sincerity.
Your hairs stood on the back of your neck, unaware of what exactly to say to him. It did not help either that his gaze was so unnerving—it was like he knew what his words were doing to you. You hated that.
Breaking his stare, you knelt down, grabbing onto your red charcoal. You hated that he was watching your every move, the slight shake in your hands as you observed your progress—the face. Yes, the face was done, but his lips needed reworking.
A sigh left you.
You hated that you could not hate him for his words.
The charcoal grazed the paper, your eyes travelling to the feature that needed redoing.
You hated how he watched you pause. You, pushing the charcoal deeper in the canvas, did not realise it as you observed his mouth parting, ever so slightly.
His tongue poked out— it slid along his lower lip. Foolishly, like the greatest simpleton, you parted your own mouth, blinking at his movements. You watched his tongue slip back in, scarred lip now glistening.
His lips then curled upwards, and you blinked again, realising your mistake.
He had just seen you staring at him like a woman starved.
God, you hated Choi Seungcheol.
“Stop doing that to your lips!” you hissed, almost breaking your charcoal from the sheer push inside the canvas.
The general cocked his head. “Stop looking at my lips, then,” he merely said.
You were going to murder him—gut him alive, and paint his bloodied corpse. “I have to look at them, I am drawing you!”
“You have been looking at them far too often,” he insisted, and you realised he was toying with you. “God, the canvas must have been shredded by now!”
“It is fine, just stop talking!”
“I must have a look,” he declared, getting up from his position.
That had you panicking. “Choi Seungcheol, if you do not sit down I swear I will quit this portrait!”
But he was never one to listen to orders when he had spent his entire life giving them out.
Down the pedestal he went, walking to you, and you had to turn away as he grabbed onto the easel, standing in front of it.
One of his perfect eyebrows shot upwards.
The progress was excellent—there was little doubt that you exceeded in portraiture. His seated figure was sketched accurately, despite it only being the rough drawing, his raised hand holding the spear, sketched as a sword on the canvas.
What caught him off guard was the face.
Every detail of his features was sketched lightly but the crimson shade of his mouth, layered and layered to perfection. He could instantly tell that you had been going over and over the feature like a madman, forgetting everything else as soon as you focused on it. His scar was cut through beautifully, and the red charcoal almost enlivened his mouth.
He could not contain the complacent smirk.
You, on the other hand, could feel it on your back.
“Do not,” you gritted out, “Say a word.”
Seungcheol could not help himself. “What?” he began, and you could hear the pomposity of his voice. “You obsess over my mouth, but cannot hear what comes out of it?” A step towards you. His presence was near, too near. “Now you know that is not fair.”
“Oh my God—”
Swivelling around, you almost yelped to see him so close. Tilting your head up, you looked at him, taking a step back. “That is…normal when making a portrait,” you countered. “You would not know because you do not make art.”
“That is true.” He snuffed the distance again with another step forward. “But what I do know is your nature.” His gaze darted down. “You are obsessive, dear wife. You focus on one thing, and delve fully into it.”
His eyes stayed on your mouth. “Your art speaks your truth. And that truth is that you have not forgotten that night.”
That night.
The night where you and Seungcheol collided like two opposing warships, crashing into the sea in harmony.
You tried to remain stubborn. “You talk nonsense.”
“Do I?” he asked you, and you could not answer him, not when he was so close. “Tell me you have forgotten. Say you have not thought about it once, and I will not speak of it again.”
“I have not thought about anything,” you snarled, but you averted your gaze, sliding to the canvas—to the crimson mouth.
He was not having it. “Look at me and say it.”
“I do not want to look at you.”
But he raised a finger to your chin, and the sheer force of his pointer had you turning your head. You were met with his fierce stare, and widened yours a little.
“You choose not to listen to me…every single time, huh?”
His finger moved ever so slightly on your chin. “How do I get this…this stubbornness out of you?”
You drank in his every detail as if you were sketching him. “You cannot. I will always do the opposite of your wishes.”
“Fine.”
He moved in, and his nose brushed against yours. You could feel his breath on your skin.
“I wish you to walk away.”
You paused—felt the satisfactory smile ghost his lips, only for a second.
“Will you do as I bid you and be free of me?” His question was a mere whisper. “Or will you do as you please, and stay beside me?”
Your eyes fluttered, heavy-lidded as you weighed your options.
It was either obedience and safety from his clutches, or rebellion with your imminent downfall. The greatest double-edged sword of choice—you were quite at a standstill.
His order fanned your mouth. “I wish you to leave.”
The decision was made.
You would die before you obeyed Seungcheol.
“I was here the entire time. You came to me.” A momentary glance at the stage before you focused on his stare. “You leave.”
You watched him take in your order. You could not determine his response, and the anticipation gnawed at your insides. What was he thinking? Would he demand your exit? Why was he looking at your mouth instead of answering your question?
It felt like a million years had passed before he finally spoke.
“Fine.”
His finger left your chin.
“As you wish.”
He stepped away from you.
But you were blinking back, breathing a little too loud, because why did he follow through, why was he walking away when he was about to do something, something you were anticipating, something you dared not anticipate?
You turned to see him walking back, his steps echoing in the workshop.
Something extraordinary overcame you.
It was undoubtedly the forces that struck the general many nights ago that now plagued your nerves, your bones. Without realising what in Hell you were doing, your feet were moving, picking up a frightening pace that followed the leading footsteps. Your hands, with newfound strength, reached out, and with sheer tenacity grabbed onto Seungcheol’s arm.
He whirled back, surprised.
He did not have a single moment to demand explanation as your hands reached for his face, pulling him in a searing kiss.
Your lips latched onto his, and it was like a leash had been snapped in his soul. As hungrily as you had come onto him, he matched it, hand on the back of your neck as he tilted your head, delving deeper.
God save his soul—he could never admit it to you, but the night he pounced on you had been a memory he had not shaken off. He could not help it, but your mouth, shouting and sneering, haunted him. That night, a boundary had been crossed, but he wanted to face the unknown—the unknown that was you, your cruel words, and your hypnotic taste.
His mouth was relentless, offering no mercy as he preyed on your lips. He opened you wider, catching the moans that slipped out of you, moans you hated that escaped because it meant he was good, he knew exactly what he was doing.
His tongue slipped through, finding yours and humming at the way he played with it—he closed his mouth over your tongue, sucking slightly, and you could have burst into flames. You slid your arms around his neck, pushing him into you, needing him to engulf you entirely. Your blood simmered beneath your skin, your body hotter than a bonfire, but you refused to cool down. You refused a break when the general caught your lower lip, slowly sinking his teeth into the flesh.
There was so much of him. He was all over you, and you could not have wanted it more, savouring his fingers on your back, your neck, a sliver of skin should your awful dress let you. He was pushing you, your feet stumbling back and back and back, and the easel fell over, his canvas scattering to the floor.
You broke away from his heated kisses, gasping as you peered at the fallen artwork. “Th-the canvas!” You got out, then glaring daggers at the perpetrator. “Do you…!” A shuddered breath. “Do you not have eyes?!”
But then the look he returned had your heart pumping in your ears.
“I don’t give a fuck about the canvas right now.”
Despite your heart, you had the nerve to be irritated. “Of course you don’t,” you spat out, digging your nails into his shoulders. “Treat it however you want it, not like it is worth my entire—“
You did not finish your rant as Seungcheol, gritting his teeth, swooped in, shutting you up with his mouth. It was as if the little spat had never happened, with how quickly he settled on your lower lip, biting it enticingly enough to have you whining onto his teeth.
This time, rather than risk running into any more obstacles, the general swooped you up in his arms, never letting you expose your surprise as his mouth still worked upon yours, drowning out your gasp with his tongue. He led you to the stage, going up the steps until he laid you on the edge of the platform, he going down a step.
Sensing your lips receiving enough attention, he trailed his kisses to your chin, down your neck. Your breaths hitched with every touch, closing your eyes and feeling your heart burst from your chest.
He paused on the column of your throat, feeling his lips part, but then his teeth grazed your skin, and you hitched out an uneasy breath at the soft ache that blossomed. His tongue instantly ran over the tender mark, and the touch had you grabbing onto his hair, relishing the soft, velvety feel of his locks.
“God,” he whispered on your skin. “This…you’re driving me crazy.”
You would have let him talk had his hand not fallen to your skirts. With great urgency he hiked up the fabric, the hem rising from your boots, exposing your legs. Unfortunately, with one layer of your gown there were a thousand more underskirts. The general hissed out a curse. “You ladies and your fucking dresses,” he guttered, voice so husky you almost forgot your counter-quip.
Then, you realised what he was actually doing, and you had him pause. “Wh-why are you lifting my gown?”
He sighed sharply—all these questions, when he was too delirious to answer properly. “Why else would I lift your gown?”
Through your mind-haze, you felt a little confused. “You tell me, All-Knowing General.”
He was ready to snap at you when the realisation struck him properly.
You were a noblewoman—of course you would not know what happened between two people when they hungered for each other.
Something about that piece of knowledge had Seungcheol’s stomach curling in desire.
He was the first to show you just why certain men lifted certain ladies’ gowns—just why certain, lust-struck generals wished to uncover certain, ravenous Doge’s daughters, and relish in their undoing.
Dear Lord of the heavens.
“Seungcheol?”
The said-man perked up. “You have not answered my question,” you said, uncertainty lacing your voice.
But he was never the one to answer your questions properly, a notion that irritated you beyond reason.
However, when he leaned in, his lips brushing your ear, you could have excused him.
Especially when he whispered, “How about I show you why, carrissima?”
Shivers ran down your spine, he recognising it instantly. He could not help lacing his smile with pride. “I promise it will be wonderful,” he purred, his words blowing softly in your hair. He kissed you just under your ear, and your eyes fluttered.
You were going to absolutely hate yourself when this was over.
“Go on,” you breathed out. “I will be the judge of that.”
“Good,” he added in before capturing your lips again, hands more urgent as he brought the last of the skirts up, the tufts of fabric bunching at your waist. Soon, he began his descent, mouth dragging down your neck, along your clothed abdomen till he broke away, uncovering the last of your underthings as he swiped them off your legs. Slowly, enjoying every second, he brought his hands to your legs, spreading them enough to settle between them.
A soft hiss escaped you as the cold air of the workshop kissed your core. Leaning against your elbows, you caught sight of his face.
It was as if he had found every treasure hidden under the earth.
His mouth had parted, blinking slowly, and you could have squirmed at the pure, unadulterated desire that radiated from his gaze. You had heard of lust before, of course you did, but to witness it in someone’s eyes—the general’s cold, unfeeling ones at that—was an achievement. It was a thrill.
“What…” you could not even manage to form sentences properly. “What are you…gawking for?”
The general did not respond.
He only dipped his head, pressing an ironically chaste kiss along your inner thigh. Instantly you quietened, and the silence had him chuckling upon your skin.
Looking over to witness your sheer embarrassment, his soft laughter twisted dark. “Don’t go all silent on me now,” he taunted, fingers drumming under your knees. “Not when I want you to be loud this time.”
The audacity of his claim had you pursing your mouth, ignoring the way his smirk had you slacking. There was absolutely no way on this earth that you would say a word, even if the sky would fall on your head.
Seungcheol then kissed a path closer to the final destination—his hair tickled your thighs, and it took everything in you not to sigh out, break your vow. The moment he went past the boundaries, though, there was no controlling it.
The moment his lips touched your slit, you felt yourself slip away.
His tongue slipped out, tasting your arousal, and he had to stop himself from going ballistic. Every insult, mockery and torment from you would be void to him. They would fall on deaf ears now that he savoured you—savoured you dripping for him. For him.
He explored the edges of your cunt, collecting your arousal like a man parched. Tingling sensations curled up your spine, gritting your teeth to stop yourself—not a word.
But then his tongue travelled further up, and when he trailed upon a certain spot you could not help yourself. A small gasp flew out of you, and you just knew the general had found the way to undo you.
The unfortunate situation for you—most fortunate, really, considering the pleasure you were feeling at the moment—was that Seungcheol knew exactly what he was doing.
He knew the bud that peaked—he was well aware that when he circled his tongue, slow, languid, as if he had all the time in the world, you would not be able to silence yourself. You would lose the war of reticence, the battle of calm—before you were his enemy, you were a woman.
A woman who could not even fathom what she felt.
Your core had its own heartbeat, and the bundle of nerves which received attention had it racing. The general was so awfully, terribly, terrifyingly good, his tongue patterning a loop around your clit. The vow of silence had been long broken, but the soft sighs were threatening to go louder, and it scared you that you did not care if you lost.
Perhaps you still could have held out—one last, hopeful shot at besting him.
Then he retracted from your cunt and you could have turned into a monster.
“What the fuck—!”
The blood was pumping slower, the absence upon your clit already aching to be filled.
With frantic eyes you glared at him; if looks could kill, Seungcheol would have been a brutal mess of bones and flesh.
The said-man, even with mere inches from your cunt, returned your stare. Despite the uneven breathing, his slick lips twisted upwards.
“I thought you said you were going to be silent.”
You could have killed him—truly. “I thought,” you rasped, backing up your gown further up, “You were going to show me…why I lifted my skirts.”
His hands roamed underneath your legs. “Have I not already?” With little effort he lifted your left leg, settling it on his right shoulder. “I just think you do not deserve it.”
Bastard. “Whatever you think you are doing…I have not felt a thing,” You lied, as if your cunt was not pumping along to your heartbeat.
His scoff was enough—unfortunately, he saw right through you. “Maybe your moaning was from something else, then.”
Your cheeks heated. “I did not moan.”
“Yes you did.”
“I did not!”
But then his finger ran along your slit, and he saw your eyes widen, mouth slacken. His manic grin, scar stretching, had your stomach fluttering. “Yes…” the finger slid in, just a little deeper, and your breathing hitched. “Yes, you did, carrissima.”
Oh, dear Lord.
You had to be in Hell—your skin was on fire, your senses were hazing, and the devil lay between your legs.
But if this was Hell, then why did you not despise it? Why were you promised misery, when all you were given was pleasure?
Why was Choi Seungcheol capable of giving you pleasure?
“If it pleases you,” you heard him say, lifting your other leg, “I am not finished.”
That had your body singing. “Is that so?” You whispered.
His chuckling fanned your cunt—you almost shivered. “Already so eager for me to continue?”
Bastard, bastard, bastard. “Eager for this to finish,” you taunted. “So you can stop wasting my time.”
His eyes blazed with your challenge.
When did the fire in his gaze become so enticing?
“You are going to eat your words, _____,” he warned.
“We will see about that—”
You did not get to finish your sentence as the general dove back in. His tongue found familiar solace upon your clit, and the pace which he encircled it with had you losing all sense. It did not help either that your legs were slung over him, so your balance depended on his wide shoulders, one hand holding onto your left.
His other hand had other plans.
While his tongue worked so perfectly upon the bud, his fingers roamed on the edges of your slit, teasing, tormenting, daring you to be shamelessly loud—you would not give in.
When he slithered a finger inside you, though, your mouth broke open.
A soft gasp escaped, feeling its slow journey, and your hand grabbed onto his hair, taking tufts of his velvet locks in a trembling hold. Your walls clenched around him, a mere finger doing this much damage.
But then he began to pull out, and the action alone had your voice stumbling louder.
His tongue was growing relentless—gone was the slow fluidity, vanishing with each minute, a bizarre hunger clawing at the general’s mouth. The attention on your clit, tied with the growing pace of his finger, sliding in and out, was driving you insane.
It was as if the vow never existed.
Your whispers, sighs and gasps gained a solid voice. The groans, so suppressed down your throat from your pride, climbed to the surface of your tongue. They were all you could express, the whimpers that freed from your mouth, when all your thoughts focused on one man.
This man fastened his pace even further, and you could not take it—your core was constricting, pressure settling in your hips, tendrils of tension curling up your spine. Your legs were shaking on his shoulders, and your arms had given up, your head laid on the pedestal stone. Your eyes were closed, images of his cold eyes upon you as he devoured you encircling your mind, and suddenly it was all too much.
Because this state had brought you a loss of coherent sentences, you called out the one name that you could not forget.
“Ch-Cheol—!”
Of course, the commander of Venice knew what to do.
He could feel you trembling upon him, under him. As his mouth worked overtime, his finger sliding in and out, he knew that you were close, so unbelievably close to absolution when you had no idea of how it felt.
Tonight, on the steps of the workshop stage, he would show you. With the dozen pairs of stone eyes watching the two of you, Seungcheol would give the statues a show.
He will spark their dead stone gazes to life.
He will spark your dead, stone soul to life.
The general sucked on your clit one last time.
That was enough for ruination.
You cried out, loud and shameless as you came, hips jerking without your control into him. As constricted as you were before, the balm of peace washed over you, as if you had weathered a storm and were now on the safety of the shore. You went limp as you rode through the new, euphoric feelings, finger inside you finally sliding out. You felt a small kiss on the bud before the absence was noted.
Breathing raggedly, chest heaving up and down, you had to take a minute before you had the strength to sit up. Excruciating as it was, when your eyes fluttered open, the sight that welcomed you had your core tightening all over again.
Seungcheol settled in between your legs as he slowly removed them from his shoulder, gaze upon you. His one slick middle finger glistened in the lamp light, and your focus strayed to its shine, courtesy of your lust.
Noticing, he ghosted a smile.
Your gaze followed the slick finger rise, up to the even slicker mouth. With painful, drowsy slowness, he wrapped his lips on the finger, sucking your remnants clean. Taking in the last of your arousal.
You blinked back—gulped.
With a pop! he released his finger. Hands holding onto your thighs, his heavy-lidded eyes held you prisoner.
His voice had you wanting to repeat the endeavours all over again.
“Tell me again that you did not feel anything.”
Your own voice failed to comply.
Deep inside, you knew—you could not lie anymore.
Not when you were completely undone by his hands, his tongue.
It was a great loss on your part.
Why did it feel more like a win?
“My my,” he mused, leaning upwards, eye-level with you. “Have I fingered you stupid?”
Seungcheol’s husky chuckling entered your ears. “Had I known this was the way to shut you up, I would have done it a long time ago.”
That had you perking up. “Of course you had to ruin it.” you got out, some sense finally returning your mind. “You could not have shut yourself up.”
“Oh?” He cocked his head. “Was there something to ruin between us?”
Damn, damn, damn! “That is not what I meant,” you seethed.
“How else did you mean it, then?”
You opened your mouth, but seeing his god-awful, victorious grin was too much. Your face burned as hot as the summer sun, and you had to suffer as the general laughed at your lack of response.
The absolute bastard. You knew that you had lost this battle, but your greatest consequence was that you did not feel it as a loss. What Seungcheol gave you just now…
You would die before admitting it to him, but you had never felt that wonderful as you did with his face between your thighs.
So you let him bask in his victory.
You tolerated his smug stares, dancing eyes, and rather soft laughter as your hand went to your chest, heart beating a mile a minute.
You could not answer him that night, but you asked yourself another question that only made it all the more difficult.
How have you let him win? As someone who would have rather been sent to the convent than see the general satisfied, how were you fine with his victory?
Why did you let him win?
That question you will keep unanswered forever.
Or as long as possible before you could not avoid it anymore.
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A STRANGE ROUTINE HAD BEEN ESTABLISHED SINCE THAT NIGHT.
Almost every day you would find Seungcheol standing outside the studio, and without fail, he would comment on how he had been waiting oh so very long! You would only shake your head, and threaten to keep him out unless he shut his mouth. Of course, because he was insufferable, he would never keep quiet, so you would resort to sharp glares and melodramatic sighs.
The portrait was making great progress too, now that you had begun to paint the first layers. Thankfully, he had removed himself from his Roman-god garb, and now posed in his own military attire. Sometimes, he would come in everyday nobleman’s clothing if he was hurrying back from a Senate meeting. His outfit changes did not deter your painting, considering you had already planned out his armour onto the canvas.
It was shocking how much you preferred him in his midnight armour—you hated yourself for it, but you would catch yourself almost smiling whenever you were greeted with his crimson cloak, its ends moving in the summer breeze, or his medals tingling with his every move. The more you painted him in his soldierly might, the more you found yourself at awe with his image.
It was truly horrendous.
What was worse was that you were beginning to look forward to these sessions. It was unfortunate enough that you loved to paint, but to create a beautiful man on paper was something else entirely—it made you want to work harder on the painting, capture his every little detail to perfection. Furthermore, it was not just the general you had to please either—the entire Senate waited on your creation, expecting a portrait akin to the Venetian masters.
You had your concerns when it came to the patricians’ reactions. Already your father and Councillor Choi were displeased at you being chosen, and there was little doubt that they would be your harshest critics. One small mistake, one wrong choice, and your entire career would be over before it ever began.
You commented on this to Seungcheol the other evening as you finished the background of the painting. Truthfully, you were specifically planning to never speak to him about such concerns. Yes, you enjoyed drawing him, but that was where it ended. However, the general was painfully good at reading your countenance, and sensed your growing anxiety at every mention of the Doge.
He first thought to avoid the inquiry—the probable outcome was you replying to him with disdain, and then urging him to mind his business. That was what occurred in the past, and before he would have been damned to ask about your welfare.
That day, though, something in him urged the question out of him. He asked you, expecting nothing.
You were surprised to find yourself answering him.
“I just…I was thinking of my father and Councillor Choi.” You added the finishing touches on the ships floating in the lagoon, exposed from the imaginary window of the background. “You know, whether they would like the portrait.”
“Why would they not?” He fisted his hand which held his head. “There is a reason they accepted you.”
“That was because you persisted,” you countered. “They do not even know I have painted to this extent.”
“Come, now.” He straightened in his seat—you really wished he would stop fidgeting so much. “They were not going to follow through with my wishes simply because I demanded for you.”
“But they would,” you insisted. “You have influence over every politician in the Senate. Hell, you even influence my father! If you were to recommend an escort off the streets they would have obliged you.”
He almost sighed.
All the power in the Republic, but he could not attain the good opinion of one person whose influence mattered.
“You should remember, _____, that I would not have recommended you had you not been an excellent artist. The Senate will approve the portrait without opposition.”
You glanced up from the canvas—saw the sincerity in his stare. “I mean that,” he said.
It was strange how you did not doubt his words.
“Besides…” He relaxed back into the pose, tilting his head into his fist.
He broke the official expression by grinning. “The only opinion you should be anxious over is mine.”
You could not help the surprised burst of laughter. “Hmm…of course,” you got out, continuing on with your painting.
Seungcheol watched you chuckling every now and then, and his smirk softened.
It would have killed him to admit it to anyone, but a feeling of relief washed over him when you confessed your concerns.
The past few weeks had not been as horrendous as he had thought—as he had hoped. Granted, he was responsible for creating this arrangement, but he had doubts about how smoothly the process would go.
Mostly, he had doubts on how you would react with him when the two of you were alone.
Especially after that night.
The general exhaled sharply.
He was losing his mind. He did not understand how his entire identity was slowly crumbling. He prided himself on his restraint, his patience. It was why he won every battle he waged, obtained every request, demand and order from anyone he wished. He was powerful—unbeatable.
But then you get pulled into a room alone with him, and a decade of military training completely vanishes.
It was so…ridiculous. He was the first to curse your antics, your never-closing mouth, but now all he could think of was your mouth, and how he should close it. He was observing you then, the focused expression, when you would bite your lower lip, brows furrowed. It was strangely endearing, the effort you exerted in the painting.
What was even stranger were the arguments.
There were bound to be clashes, especially when you both were alone. You would say something incredibly foolish, and he would have to correct you; sometimes, Seungcheol would start the spark, spin the cauldron of your rage, and he would have to clamp down on his smile as you would scream at him. You, however, were always the one to finish an argument, lowering yourself to personal verbal abuse, and then he would be angered, demanding vengeance for your vicious tongue.
But when the two of you would storm up to each other—you ready to smash the canvas on his face—you and him would look at each other for a beat too long. Gazes would fall to mouths, and suddenly you were stumbling back into the walls, him plying your lips open—the next thing laying on the steps as he made your legs shake with his hands, his tongue.
Your reactions—the soft whimpers, the shaking exhales as they tumbled out of you—he never thought that such simple voices would bring him such delight. Never in his wildest dreams did he believe you of all women to be under him, but he welcomed the surprise.
The most frightening notion, though, out of everything that occurred between the two of you, was after the ministrations.
Usually, realising what you had done, you would run out of the studio—he had always been shocked at the events, and tried to rationalise them, but recently, he grabbed onto you as you tried to make flight.
Recently, he had asked you to stay.
“If you try to escape every time I kiss you, _____, then why do you go along with it?” he had asked you one day.
He asked you more. Questions you could not answer him. “Do you regret it every time?”
You wanted to lie—throw the yes at him.
Because if the Lord demanded truth on the day of Judgement, questioned your feelings concerning the man society called your husband, and you called your sworn enemy, then you would not be able to answer Him.
Because you did not like your answer.
So you never gave him a response, and hoped he would not cease the confusing, heated relationship that had grown out of mutual animosity.
The two of you continued in this fashion, painting progressing smoothly.
It was surprising that you were not bothered by the artists who usually worked in the studio. You were aware that your two friends had travelled to Florence a couple of weeks back to attend an artists’ convention. Word had spread in Venice that Florence’s duke had prepared a lavish ceremony for painters around the Italian peninsula, and many art lovers flocked to the cosmopolitan city.
The two returned a couple of days ago, and you paused the portrait for the day as they came to see you in the Palace. They regaled you of their tales—the paintings they had created, the chaos they caused in the ducal manors, and you laughed at their storytelling, never ending in your inquiries for more.
As they drank up your father’s alcohol, remembering more of their trip, they dropped some news that had your eyebrows raising.
“The duke of Florence…asking about me?!”
Soonyoung hummed in confirmation, swirling his wine. “He heard of the Victor’s wife creating his portrait, and was very intrigued. Since you are our dearest friend, we gushed about your skills.”
“He only mentioned you once in that entire trip,” Minghao corrected him, raising a brow. “He was too busy fucking the Florentine ladies to even bother painting.”
You tutted at the elder of the three. “What else was he to do when he had run out of Venetian escorts?”
“That is enough torment from the both of you!” Soonyoung yelled, raising his free hand. “You truly are the worst, _____! I was going to offer an invite on our next voyage to Florence, but you have officially lost the privilege.”
You offered him an incredulous look. “Whatever do you mean?”
Minghao sipped the red wine. “We were supposed to stay in the convention for the rest of the summer, but we actually received a specific request from the Duke to bring you with us. It is why we have come back early.”
You almost dropped your glass.
“This could be an amazing opportunity!” Soonyoung started, a pondering hand on his chin. “Imagine. Learning from the Florentine masters, exchanging resources, gaining commissions from the Duke and Duchess of Italian art’s capital…you would become the most renowned painter of the land.”
“I would not go that far…” you trailed off, but now you were imagining what it would be like travelling to the far-away state. What would it be like, to hone your skills, meeting like-minded artists? It had always been your dream, a fantasy you had tucked away in the crevices of your mind. To travel beyond the borders of your domain, witness artistic change with your own eyes, contribute to it with your own hands…nothing could have made you happier.
It was why it remained a fantasy.
“Do not be ridiculous,” you said to your friends, locking your hands on your folded knee. “It is bad enough that Papa does not know where I paint Seungcheol’s portrait.”
“We would have agreed with you before, _____, but things have changed.” Minghao smiled knowingly. “You now have a powerful general who supports your ventures.”
“A husband who would die to further your success,” Soonyoung chipped in.
“There is no need for exaggeration,” you murmured.
“How are we exaggerating? This man has demanded his wife for his state portrait! Venice has not seen such an act of marital affection in generations!” He slapped his drink down on the table in front of him. “If you explained the Duke’s requests, the general would happily accompany you to the convention.”
“And if he cannot, we can easily take you under our protection,” the younger offered. “You should speak to Seungcheol. Truly.”
“I…I am not so sure,” you only said, looking at your glass.
“Not so sure of what?”
Your stomach turned.
Whirled your head to the door to find the very man you three spoke of.
“Ah, the Victor!” Soonyoung declared, ushering Seungcheol over. The general obliged his boisterous attitude, walking over to the group. After eyeing the empty space beside you, he filled it with his seated presence, settling an ankle over his knee.
“Afternoon, carissima,” he greeted you, and you could only nod at him in response to settle the nerves. He then focused on your friends, smiling. “What brings you here? I thought you both were wreaking havoc in Florence.”
“We are going back very soon, not to worry!” Minghao set his drink on the table. “We actually returned home momentarily because we forgot to take everything with us.”
“Oh? And what did you forget?”
Your two companions looked at you, Minghao about to answer the dreaded question.
You instantly jumped in.
“They forgot to bring their oil-on-wooden canvases!” you tried your best with your over-inflated exasperation. “Could you believe it? Travelling to an art convention and forgetting half of your art!”
“Ah…” Seungcheol studied the two nobles. “And could you both not have…requested the art brought to you?”
Your eyes begged for assistance from the younger men in the room. Soonyoung chuckled hesitantly as he said, “Ah, yes…well, I just thought…such precious work, you know? Servants cannot be trusted these days!”
“Hmm…” From his tone, you could tell your husband was not satisfied with such a weak explanation. “You could have asked me. I would have provided soldiers to reassure safe passage.”
Minghao followed Soonyoung’s awkward laughter. “No, no! We could never accept such help.”
“Why not? Any dear friend of _____’s is a dear friend of mine.”
The comment would have been heartwarming if you three were not maintaining a measly lie. “You ask too many questions, Seungcheol,” you remarked. “Do you not have meetings to attend to?”
“I do not, in fact, but…” he sighed, mocking agitation. “I will leave if I am not wanted.”
He waited for you to object, but you stayed silent, raising a brow. After a moment, he truly expressed agitation. “God, you really are cruel!”
“I just need to speak to my friends, that is all.” you gestured your hand to the door. “I heard Papa calling for you.”
Exhaling hard, he got up from the couch, dusting at his maroon attire. “Fine. I will believe your obvious fib, and speak with you later.” He nodded at the two. “Gentlemen.”
They bid their farewells, and you all watched the general as he exited the sitting room.
The moment his presence was gone, the two glared you down. “What on earth was that?” Minghao seethed. “Why did you not ask him?”
A part of you wished you could tell him.
After working on the state portrait, you had found yourself hoping more than a woman should expect when regarding her future. You were fortunate enough to paint Venice’s great commander, but you knew this was as much the universe could offer. You did not want to tempt fate.
You did not want to push the boundaries of Seungcheol’s benevolence.
You blinked back at the revelation.
You did not want to bother Seungcheol.
That was quite a horrifying thought.
Perhaps you would have escaped to Florence on a whim before—really cause a scandal on your husband’s name, even your father’s. Before, that would have brought you great satisfaction.
This time, you were hesitant—you already received the opportunity for the general’s painting, and you could not ruin it when you still had to finish it. You could not kill the flower of your artistic growth when it had just begun to bloom.
So you only nodded at your friends, assuring them of your answer once you spoke to Seungcheol.
Faux reassurances, for you knew that the opportunity of your journey to Florence died within this conversation.
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YOU CONSIDERED THE FLORENCE SITUATION BEHIND YOU.
Minghao and Soonyoung were staying only a couple more days before journeying to Florence again, and you made them swear never to speak on the situation in the future.
Up until this point, you had begun colouring Seungcheol’s figure—the seated general, all poise and power with his longsword, the midnight armour impossible to perfect without ripping your hair out from the roots. At least the subject was more obedient this time, staying deathly still as you mixed your oils, trying to find the perfect hue for his dark attire.
Although frustrating, the process was rewarding, because the first layer was done quickly—the details were needed, but you resorted to positive thinking in the workshop. At least with his encouragement, you could keep painting without feeling as if you have failed.
Soon, though, the general had to leave many of the sessions. Your father, this time, was taking up more of his time, and you assumed it was for more political advice than a sudden wish to bother his son-in-law.
Seungcheol had given general details of the meetings, but you did not care much when your painting preoccupied your thoughts much more than the Venetian political scene. He told you of growing Ottoman sentiments of making peace, and he was in accord, not wishing to shed more bloodshed. A small part of you was impressed—it was quite insane, how a single man was behind the downfall of imperial expansion.
With today’s absence, though, you decided to take the day for yourself, closing the workshop as you headed back to the Palace. You were greeted by a few servants, who ushered you into the Doge’s headquarters, informing you of your father’s summons for you.
A good thing you chose to return at that time then.
You walked into the grand room of the senate; the Doge was, as usual, sitting at the end of the room as the empty chairs on each of his sides were lined up, two of them occupied. Seungcheol and Councillor Choi settled opposite each other—the former on the left of the Doge, and the latter on the right.
Once you entered, your father smiled, gesturing for you to sit. “Ah, cara, it is good you are here.”
Seungcheol turned around in his seat—you caught his eye, and you kept it locked as you greeted the elders, finding your way to the chair next to him.
He looked as if he was going to say something, but your father beat him to it. “How is the portrait coming along?”
“Splendidly,” you answered. “It should be finished in the next few weeks.”
“Good. The Senate has been demanding progress on the artwork, so I will send this news over.” He waved a hand over to his old friend, who watched you and his nephew intently. “The reason I brought you here today is to give you some news.”
“Oh?”
The elderly gazes rested on the general.
The general’s gaze rested on you.
You watched him hesitate a little before speaking. “I am leaving for Corfu in a few days.”
“Corfu?” Your confusion grew. “Whatever for?”
“Remembering the Ottomans wishing for peace? Corfu is a perfect middle spot between Venice and Constantinople, and the sultan specifically asked for me.”
There was a slight air of pomposity in Councillor Choi’s voice as he chimed in. “I think the sultan wishes to see what kind of man defeated an empire.”
Your mind tried to take in the information as they explained the situation further. Corfu. The island was about two weeks’ ship-ride from Venice, and undoubtedly Seungcheol’s factions would have to stay for a while to negotiate such an important treaty. This meant that this entire affair would last at least three months.
You did not know why that dampened your spirits. “Oh…I see.”
The Doge noticed your change of tone. “Well, do not be aggrieved already! Councillor and I have decided that you should join him in his peace efforts.”
That was even more shocking. “What?” you asked, not quite believing the situation at hand. “Me? Corfu?”
“It is customary to accompany your husband wherever you go,” the uncle explained, locking his hands. “The Doge’s daughter at the negotiation sends a message of power. Solidarity.”
Murmuring a response, you looked down at your shoes, thinking of your prospects.
What about the portrait? You knew it was too good to be true. It had to be a scheme from the Senate to delay its finishing. Anything to stop a noblewoman from doing anything useful for the State.
You could not go to Corfu. God, Seungcheol could not go to Corfu, not for that long.
You blinked.
Why in Hell did that bother you so much?
“Your Excellency, Uncle…I have already decided.”
You did not bother turning to see his face.
“_____ will not be joining me.”
Nevermind—you did bother, glancing at him.
The Doge was now the confused one. “Whyever not?”
Councillor Choi shrugged. “Well, I suppose a negotiation scene must be too much for a lady—”
“No. Nothing of the sort. You see, _____ will be engaged in something else.”
You watched a determined glint spark up in the general’s eyes.
“While I am Corfu, my wife will be in Florence.”
Silence.
Ever so slowly, you straightened in your seat. Three pairs of eyes, widened like full moons, gawked at him as if he just admitted a sin worthy of confession. His face, however, remained as cool as the lagoon overlooking the Palace.
It was a while before anyone spoke.
His uncle first broke the uncomfortable silence.
“What…what on earth are you talking about?”
“Let me explain.” A clearing of his throat, hand going inside his maroon, buttoned shirt. “About a month back, I received a letter from the Duke of Florence. He had heard of my decision to have _____ paint my portrait, and apparently it has spread like wildfire.” He fished out a wheat-coloured, folded paper, royal seal broken. “You see, he was very intrigued to see a lady attain such a high honour, and was hoping we could go to Florence and be hosted by him.”
He continued, ignoring the growing shock of his audience. “Now I know I have obligations, so of course I could not accept his invitation. However,  _____ would be perfect for the event. Not only is she the Doge’s daughter, but she is the reason the Duke wrote to me in the first place. She can wow the Florentine public with her artistic flair, and act as our ambassador from Venice.”
He looked at you, and a ghost of a smile appeared at your blatant surprise. “I might be right in saying that she is aware of the art convention occurring in Florence. Minghao and Soonyoung will be returning there in a couple of days’ time, so they can accompany her to the city.”
His gaze fixated on the Doge. “_____ would be infinitely more useful in Florence.”
He held out the letter to you. “Most importantly, she would adore it there.”
You gawked at the letter. Bidding your hand to work, you took it, unfolding the paper. Sure enough, it was the Duke of Florence, asking about you and how you had achieved such a position of becoming portraitist to the Victor of Venice. He mentioned his wife obsessing over the ‘woman who had captured the attentions of Choi Seungcheol’, urging you and him to join them in their palace as special royal guests. It felt unreal, reading something so positive about yourself when you had never met the people who gave such praise.
Looking up from the letter, you saw the beginnings of anger in the elders’ faces. Your father still retained his shock.
“Seungcheol…” he began, quite at a loss for words. “This is…I mean…I do not even know where to…?”
The councillor decided to express his opinions for him. “This is unacceptable!”
You could only watch the chaos unfold, starting from the vigorous pointing of his uncle’s finger. “Who are you to make such a decision?
“I am her husband,” Seungcheol answered smoothly. “Was it not you who emphasised my apparent superiority in marriage? I do not remember other relatives having a say in what my wife does.”
Oh, Lord. Using their own words against them—this was not going to end well.
But then he offered them both a smile—a smile you had grown too accustomed to not know its hidden, darker implications. “You know what, though? Perhaps you both are right. I should not be making decisions for my wife when she is perfectly capable of choosing herself.”
He turned to you, and it took great effort not to look away from him. “Tell me, _____. Would you like to go to Florence?”
You could only gape at him.
“Don’t be silent now, when you have never been quiet with me,” he insisted. “I know how much you want to go. Is that true?”
You looked at him—the determined, almost desperate glimmer in his eyes had you unable to respond to him. Your eyes darted to the two elders, who were on the edges of their chairs.
You had to stop this. Your mind screamed at you to shut him down, tell him to hold his tongue and leave for Corfu immediately, let you rot here forevermore. Florence was a dream—it should remain so.
But seeing him with such belief, such hope in you…it was daunting.
It had you believing too.
It had you foolishly believing of more—believing beyond the portrait, beyond the borders of Venice. It had you accepting that maybe, just maybe, you could be as free as you had dreamed.
So you took a deep breath, chest rising.
And nodded.
Watching relief wash over your husband’s face, you faced your father, uncle-in-law, and spoke your truth.
“It is true. I do want to go to Florence.”
If you thought they were shocked enough from Seungcheol’s declaration, then your words had their mouths parting.
Your father did not lose speech when you were concerned.
“How dare you say such a thing?!”
You tried not to flinch. “I have dismissed many of your tantrums before, _____, but this has gone too far!” His accusatory finger pointed at you. “Have I taught you nothing about speaking when necessary?”
Councillor Choi matched his friend’s grave temper. “You should know better, child, then to involve yourself in foreign affairs. It is no place for a woman.”
“Careful,” Seungcheol countered, narrowing his eyes. “This woman is the wife of your strongest commander.”
The Doge sucked in a sharp breath. “Seungcheol, I thought you were better than this,” he muttered.
“The scandal this would cause if _____ would travel alone to another state alone,” the councillor snarled, hand tightening on the arms of his chair. “We would all be ruined! Venice would be a laughing stock!”
“I cannot have neighbouring provinces sneering at the State when they are already questioning the choice of artist for your portrait.” Your father glared at you. “I cannot risk embarrassment, even if it may be for my daughter’s sake.”
He then directed his grim countenance at his general. “_____ will not be going to Florence. I refuse it.”
You were going to throw up.
You needed to leave, needed to escape because you were going to hurl your guts up in the sacred hall, and you would rather die than create a scene.
Your hands were ready to push you up when you felt a stronger hand hold your arm. He kept you seated, wrapping his fingers around your sleeve.
When you peered at the man who stopped you, you gulped.
“Fine.”
The Victor of Venice was enraged.
“If _____ does not go to Florence, then I will not go to Corfu.”
Oh, God.
To Hell with throwing up—you were going straight to an early death.
The most powerful politicians in the State were silenced.
They could not understand it. Why on God’s good earth was Choi Seungcheol defending your passion of painting over the Republic’s foreign relations? Should Corfu be a success, Venice would expand its lands, grow in revenue, become engulfed in riches. What will your expedition to Florence achieve? A few pieces of oiled artwork? A portrait of a few prostitutes? A wife’s happiness?
The elders could have spit on the idea—especially the uncle, who was seething with rage.
“You would not dare,” he hissed.
The general quirked his signature brow.
“Watch me.”
The quietness of the hall was too much; the tension was thick enough to set it on fire, the stares of the politicians enough to send your heart derailing.
You swallowed a lump in your throat.
You could not take this anymore.
Instantly, you shot up from your seat.
“Excuse me, gentlemen,” you mumbled, waving off your husband’s hand. You did not look back as you hurried out of the grand doors.
Shaking, you stopped right next to the exit, your legs about to give up on you. Thankfully, you were hidden from sight, or else you would die from the sheer embarrassment of them watching you. Your heartbeat thumped loud, drumming in your ears, your throat, refusing to calm down. Closing your eyes, you tried to breathe slowly. In, and out. In. Out.
In. And out.
After a few minutes, you finally showed signs of tranquillity, hand on your chest to sense your heart beating slower than the previous frenzy. Now, with a calmer mind, you could hear what occurred between the three men. You heard footsteps fade from the other entrance, and from the swishing of heavy robes you guessed your father had left, the thump in his step indicating his prevalent rage.
Another minute passed, and you were about to leave yourself when you heard Councillor Choi’s voice. It was hushed down—harsh still, but quietened.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
A pause. Then, the general’s smooth baritone filled the room. “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
“Have I not told you countless times? God, it is as if years of training have completely vanished the moment you married that foolish woman!”
“Careful.”
A scoff. “Have you forgotten our conversations before your union?”
There was a moment of quiet, and you could feel the tense atmosphere, permeating even at the entrance you hid behind.
“I remember them perfectly.”
Councillor Choi’s voice raised a little. “I did not marry you to the Doge’s heir just for you to follow her every whim. Remember why you are in her life in the first place.”
You furrowed your brows. What was he talking about?
“I think you also remember, Uncle, how I did not want to be in her life. You forced me into this marriage, as much as she was forced by her father.”
“And you are aware of the reasons, boy! The Chois need a place in the Senate, and I will be damned if I let you destroy that!” A thud! resonated in the room, most likely a hand stamping on the chair. “I have not raised you all my life to then be useless to me when you are grown!”
You could hear the venom in Seungcheol’s reply. “I am…very aware of that.”
“Good…excellent. Now, you must go to the Doge at once and apologise. God, for a second, I saw the Choi family be scandalised for life!” A huff of laughter escaped him. “It is good you know your duty, Cheol. For a moment, I thought you were going to forego everything I worked for over a woman.”
There was momentary silence, you certain that the councillor was satisfied with this conversation. Your heart sank a little. You did not understand why disappointment tugged at your veins.
But then the general’s voice interrupted his uncle’s temporary joy. Perhaps forever.
“You know, Uncle…I used to hate it when you called me Cheol.”
You did not hear the councillor’s reply. Maybe he said nothing, waiting for Seungcheol to continue. “I truly detested it, because that name was born out of love…from my parents. Remember? How did they used to call me Cheol before they died?”
He halted. “When you started saying it, I felt the love leave the meaning of the name. Funny, is it not? How words begin to have other meanings, until people steal it, change it for themselves?”
The councillor sneered, “Where is this heading?”
You heard the commander laugh, albeit with no humour. “You see, Uncle, I hated being known by that name until I heard _____ call me Cheol one day.”
Your breath hitched.
“I cannot specifically remember which Cheol it was, because she has said it with great agitation too…but…” Another scoff.
This time, though, it was softer. “For some reason, I did not seem to hate my name so much anymore. So strange, that my wife called me by my name on a random evening, and suddenly, I felt it…I felt some love grow back into it.”
Your eyes widened.
Perhaps the councillor had a similar reaction. “What the hell is this supposed to mean?”
Another momentary silence. God, these silences were going to kill you—
“It means that something so personal to me…something once cherished, then hated…was being cherished again. The name that defines me, something of myself that I despised…because of _____, I began to love it again.”
Councillor Choi grew a little frantic—he knew where this was heading. “Nephew—”
“No, let me speak. Yes, I did not want her, even after I married her, but now…in this moment of time, _____ had shown me something I thought I was incapable of doing. She has changed me, Uncle, when I thought I was forever undone…she has stormed into the chambers of my heart, swords unsheathed, and I cannot help but surrender. I want to surrender to her, because I cannot imagine living my life without her now. My wife, who I thought was so full of hatred, has instead shown me what love is.”
When Seungcheol said the next words, you could have sworn his voice almost trembled.
“You see, I am in love with my wife, but she does not love me back.”
You parted your mouth.
Everything froze. Your senses stilled, everything mute save for the baritone that followed you now—now, and all these years.
“And it is…fine that she does not love me back, because she was forced more into this marriage than I was. But what I cannot accept is having her suffer at my hands.”
A harsh sigh. “Her marrying me is punishment enough for her. The least I can do for her is let her explore her passions.”
A chair creaked—he was getting up. “I do not care if the Choi family is sent into ruin. I do not give a fuck if the Ottomans come marching with their armies.” His promise was like steel. “My wife will go to Florence and paint to her heart’s desire, or I will damn my military leadership.”
Councillor Choi must have been rocked to his very core. His usual snarling was reduced to pleading. “Wait, child, you cannot do that!” he exclaimed, his chair sliding back. “What about your decade of training, everything you have worked for? Everything we have worked for, Cheol—”
He stopped midway—possibly by the venom in his nephew’s glare.
“Don’t you dare call me Cheol,” he guttered. “That is reserved for the people I love.”
The politician’s gulp could be heard from where you hid.
“Right.” A sharp sigh escaped your husband. “I must make arrangements for _____’s travel. If you wish, I can deal with His Excellency for you, but do not try to change his mind. Or mine.”
With that, he exited from the same door as the Doge, his swift footsteps leaving your ears.
His words, however, remained.
She has changed me, when I thought I was forever undone.
Your breathing quickened.
My wife, who I thought was so full of hatred, has instead shown me what love is.
Your heartbeat sprinted.
I am in love with my wife, and she does not love me back.
Your eyes closed.
I am in love with my wife.
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YOU WERE SCHEDULED TO LEAVE THE VERY NEXT DAY.
The Doge had not said a single word to counter your journey, so you had guessed that Seungcheol’s decision remained final. The thought of his word over the ruler of Venice struck a strange chord over you. You never realised how much power he waged over the State.
Preparations for your travels were done in haste, but Minghao and Soonyoung reassured you that everything will be arranged once you arrive in Florence. Usually, you would have prepared twice as hard, considering how unreliable your friends were. Once you found out about your husband’s vigilant eye over the entire process, you did not question it any further.
When the day of departure arrived, you were taken to the edges of Venice, into the mainland where horses could be used freely without threat of falling in the lagoon. Carriages upon carriages were filled with your belongings—mostly your art supplies, and clothes to impress the Duke and Duchess—one other carriage was free, waiting to be occupied by the travellers.
Minghao was crossing off items on his list, Soonyoung fixing his hair at the carriage window when you observed the scene, hands locked behind your back. “Right. Is this everything?”
“I think…” one last line across the Tuscan Wine on the paper, and he put his charcoal in his pocket. “This is it! We are all done.”
“Good.”
You looked around, to the city that was so full of life. One step forward and you would be sucked back in. No. You needed to move on—to better opportunities. To freedom.
Freedom.
You could almost feel it. One more step inside the carriage, and off you went to a new world.
But you did not go inside.
“_____,” Soonyoung called, fingers sliding on the carriage handle as he watched you look on, your back to him. “We need to leave.”
“Yes…” you trailed off, waiting.
You could not leave—not just yet.
Your list consisted of one unfinished business. That particular business needed to come, or else the entire journey, your entire struggle would be for nothing.
“_____.” It was Minghao then. “It is time.”
“Hmm…”
Something inside you constricted.
Perhaps it was meant to be.
There are always letters.
Slowly, you turned, holding tufts of your gown to walk easier up to the carriage, Minghao holding out his hand to help you inside. Soonyoung opened the door.
“Wait!”
Your breath hitched.
Your head whirled back, lighting up at the scene.
As if your prayers were answered—prayers which you did not realise you were carrying out—the galloping of a racing horse greeted your ears before the general appeared in your vision, slowing down his black mare once his gaze latched onto you. You drank him in, the majestic image of his burgundy-clad figure, curls bouncing with every trot of his horse. Pulling on the reins, he stopped a few metres from you, patting the mane in encouragement.
He wasted no time swinging his leg over, getting off the black mare.
You found yourself pacing forward, ignoring your friends’ hands.
The general’s boots quickened with each step you took, until you were only a few feet away from him. He stopped too once you paused—his hands were ready to reach out, but he then fisted his fingers, instantly willing them to his sides.
“I, I… I must apologise for the delay,” he started, looking back at the rush of the city. “It was hectic back at the Senate, you know, with your preparations, and…yes, they would not let me leave.”
You nodded, opening your mouth to speak but then clamped down when he continued. “I made sure you have everything for the journey. Do not fret, I have prepared Minghao and Soonyoung for what will happen in Florence.” His eyes darted upward, as if finding more words to say. “And…oh, yes, do not worry about what will happen here. I have handled—will handle everything.”
He was talking and talking, but the more you watched him, taking in his words, the more you remembered what he exposed.
I am in love with my wife, and she does not love me back.
You tried not to let your stomach flutter out of your skin.
He was going to say much more until you interrupted him.
“Cheol.”
He halted.
You took a step forward.
“Thank you for coming.”
His fisted-hands loosened.
But you had not finished. “Thank you for…everything.”
The general’s eyebrows quirked upwards.
You would have drowned yourself in the lagoon before ever saying such a thing to him. It was insanity, how, not so long ago, the words that tumbled out of your mouth would have never been in your vocabulary—especially when it concerned him.
He said so himself. “I never thought I would hear you say the words.”
“You should cherish them night and day, then.”
A soft chuckle escaped him, his irises dancing. “Are you saying I should think of you ‘night and day’ while you are gone?”
Despite the strange, twisting sensations in your heart, you masked a mocking expression. “Do you not already?”
You were ready for another sly quip.
His dazed silence had you remembering all over again.
I want to surrender to her, because I cannot imagine living my life without her now.
Was this the surrender he talked of?
His lack of response, of course, was a response in itself.
You smiled at him.
He made a comment of it. “Oh, no…I know that look. You are going to do something, no?”
As you watched him, though, his stare searching for your answer, ever the military leader in finding out your next move, you decided to throw him off.
You stepped forward, hands reaching out to hold onto his face. Rising on the tips of your toes, you pressed your lips against his.
You felt such painstaking relief wash over him as he instantly held you, hands snaking your waist. He kissed you back with the same fervour you offered—he could not help expose his initial surprise, considering you were both still in public, and displays of affection were very much frowned upon. You knew this, of course, but at the time, you cared not a bit.
All your kisses with him had been harsh—filled with fire, consumed in rage. This one, however, was slow; soft, as if testing the waters, hesitant to move to the next stage. You smiled a little against him, cherishing his shy movements. He pulled you closer, snuffing out any distance, and you melted onto him, holding his face like a precious painting.
You were going to miss him.
The scarred lips, slowly opening your mouth for more. You were going to miss the curls of his hair, stroking against the ends of your fingers, inviting you to touch. You already yearned for his granite figure against yours, his presence, always so near to you. You were going to miss him.
You were going to miss all of him.
The general would have forever stayed in this moment, but you had to break away, breathing unevenly as you held onto him. His hands lingered on your waist, dreading the moment they had to let go.
When you looked at him, clamping your lips, you had trouble avoiding his gaze.
His brows furrowed a little, frowning sadly at you.
“You better write to me,” he murmured. “That is an order.”
He tried to jest. You tried too.
“You are never hearing from me again.”
A phantom smile appeared on his face.
The noise of the horses behind you signalled it was time.
He still held on.
“I must…” Your hands strayed down his arms, to his hands upon you. “I must go.”
Absent-mindedly, he nodded. “Yes.”
His hands stayed.
You were really going to miss him.
“Cheol,” you pleaded.
Holding his hands with your own, you squeezed the fingers that latched onto you.
With great strength, the general let go of you, aching at the emptiness that embraced his palms.
You stepped away, lest he reached out again. If he did, you did not think you would be able to stop him.
Looking at him one last time, you wished you could confess your true feelings to him.
But you contained yourself.
That moment, you chose to be a coward.
“Farewell, Cheol.”
You turned on your heel, beginning to walk back.
“Farewell, _____.”
A pause.
A shuddered breath escaped.
But you kept moving, refusing to look back.
Walking up to the carriage, you opened its doors, refusing to acknowledge the stunned expressions of your friends as you settled inside.
As Soonyoung closed the carriage door, Minghao asked, “Are you all right?”
You closed your eyes, hands fidgeting on your lap.
“Just start the carriage.”
The two men exchanged a concerning glance. Minghao signalled for the driver to begin, and with the snap of the whip, the horses neighed, exiting out of the city.
And as you felt the jolt of your journey beginning, you finally allowed yourself to look back at the figure, growing smaller and smaller the further you rode on.
He was there until you completely disappeared out of sight.
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FLORENCE WAS AS EVERY BIT AS MAGICAL AS YOUR FRIENDS PROMISED.
The city was bustling with life—a welcomed chaos, with horse-and-carts rushing on cobblestone streets, Florentine traders bragging of their produce in the markets, women of all classes roaming and bargaining on the streets. Churches, manors and estates, even grander than those back home, peppered every square, patricians in and out of the special cathedrals that were bathed in gold. Music tuned on every road, merry voices of tipsy men resonating all around your carriage.
Your meeting with the Duke and Duchess was even more extraordinary. The Pitti Palace was sparked to life, especially during the art convention, where noblemen from all around Europe were being hosted, as well as the famous artists from neighbouring countries. When you and your friends entered the grand halls, so unlike the fortress-like exterior, the ruler left his seat, hands raised and all smiles as he approached you. His courtiers and other noble subjects had watched the procession, stunned to see a noblewoman without her husband.
“Ah, the famous female artist!” he had greeted you, taking your hand and pressing a kiss upon the back. “Now I can prove to my subjects that you are not a myth Venice created.”
You only smiled politely, and he welcomed Minghao and Soonyoung back, reassuring them of their chambers being set up before he focused his attentions on you.
Insisting he give you a tour of the Palace, he showed you of the growing artworks, scattered in every hallway, ballroom, private chambers, meeting rooms. You could not take your eyes off every sculpture, every painting, engraving—you were proud of your Venetian artists, but the Florentine masters had thrived decades prior. The collections of Da Vinci, Botticelli, Raphael, Donatello—numerous more—were on display. The Duke even promised to introduce you to old Michaelangelo, who was granted special quarters to work on his marble sculptures during the season. That alone had you nearly collapsing in the palace, but you made to compose yourself. You were not going to embarrass yourself.
The Duke explained his reasons for starting the art conventions, citing his great love of art since his childhood. He was also part of the incredibly wealthy Medici family, who were famous for being patrons of great artists from across the Italian states. You listened to him talk of his collection, and how he hoped to expand it as more artists joined him every year.
“Honestly, my lady, I was expecting you to refuse the invitation,” he confided, once finished with the tour. “I do not mean to offend, but Venetians have a reputation of keeping their ladies out of sight.”
Although he was spot on in his observations, you chose not to say anything. “Imagine my surprise,” he continued, “When I received word from Venice’s Victor that he would be honoured to bring you here.”
The term had your ears perking. “Did you hear about me from Seungcheol?”
The Duke nodded. “He was the first to tell me about you, actually. I had heard rumours of you painting his official portrait, but I could not believe them till the general sent me the first letter.” He scoffed, a hand on his hip. “Extraordinary, is it not? A Venetian husband…sending his wife to another state entirely. He must be infatuated.”
Your cheeks warmed at the comment. “Where am I to stay?”
“Ah, yes! Let me show you to you chambers.”
Your baggage was unpacked by the countless servants, and instantly you were taken to the dozen workshops attached to the Palace, your companions already assigned to their previous stations. All the painters, sculptors, engravers flocked to where you stood, listening to the Duke’s introduction about you. None of them needed it, though, when everyone knew who you were by simply being a woman in a workshop.
The Venetian noblewoman turned artist.
You were expecting sneers from these established men, but you received more fascination than any negative judgement. You guessed that it was what came with breaking away from tradition—art was, essentially, a form of rebellion.
You brought your old works with you from Venice; Seungcheol’s portrait was one of them, which elicited more awed responses from the artists. That then turned into comments on how to improve, questions on when you were going to finish it, how you were going to finish it, whether you would let them work on it for you.
You did not hear them much, though, when all you could see was him.
The faded face you had constructed, the first layer of his features. You had only just captured the hues of his skin, the beginnings of his sharp eyebrows, the mess of paint that was supposed to highlight his curls. Everything else was more detailed, such as his armour, the background, but the face…you had saved the best for last.
Within the next day, artworks flowed from the workshops like the streams in Heaven—if the afterlife offered rivers of milk, wine and honey, then your artistic colleagues offered oil on canvas, oil on woodwork, engravings, sculpture from marble, rock, every hard resource which could be worked on. It was a powerhouse of creativity, models streaming in and out for reference, some staying overnight for the painters’ pleasures. It was so fascinating, seeing such talent in the birthplace of high art. You never thought you would be able to witness genius—you, who had to wear the Lord’s robes to hide your drawing, were now in the epicentre of art, learning from the best.
It was all so enticing that you never noticed the one great absence until night would fall, and after the last of observing your friends, you would retire to your chambers, collapsing in the huge, four-poster bed, and let the thoughts of that day sink into you.
It was in those lone moments, recalling what you had done, that you would turn to your side and realise that you had no one to share those details with.
On those particular nights, your spirits would sink, like a broken ship in the ocean bed.
You wondered what he was doing.
He was in Corfu by this time, undoubtedly engaged with the peace treaty with the Ottomans. He had sent you the first letter when you had finished your first portrait in Florence, asking you about your life here, and informing you of his exploits there.
It was so strange how you had smiled unconsciously in receiving his words, finding yourself instantly penning your response. You sent it away for delivery, but when you heard that he would receive it in a fortnight’s time, that had you scowling at the poor messenger.
Two weeks in sending. Two weeks in receiving.
More evidence of his painful absence.
The longer the waiting became, the more your sadness grew. You were thankful for so many resources around you for distraction, because if you were a mere ambassador, hiding in your rooms, you would have lost your mind.
Your first creations were landscapes—studies of the Florentine churches, the palaces opposite in the square, studies on perspective, light and shadow. You were hoping you could paint them more professionally, but every time you picked up the paintbrush to fill them with life, your thoughts would distract you. With great frustration, you set your tools to the side.
You knew what was keeping you from painting.
And the more you waited, the more your agitation grew.
Gone were the faceless subjects. Away the landscapes went in effort to distract you, when you picked up an empty canvas, mixed as much oils as you could muster and began to paint.
It was ferocious. Quick were your brushstrokes, messy was your composition. The artists beside you were definitely not impressed, seeing as Florence thrived on detail, but your mind was in disarray. The clothing, the backgrounds, the mindless imagery did not matter to you at that point in time.
Despite their complaints, what they could not fault you for was how you created the subject’s face.
His face—his every feature haunted your dreams, when you were alone, when you were accompanied by people more popular than him. Every expression was different in every painting that broke away from your soul. In some paintings, it was the eyes—dark, mysterious, calculating—that accompanied pursed lips, a haunting countenance, which you painted with darker colours. In most paintings the mischievous glint appeared, and suddenly you could see him smirking at you from your canvas, challenging you. You could almost hear the taunts from the parted lips, scar just added from your smaller, detailed brush. Every painting, there was a different version of him, different perceptions of him, memories of his teasing, his cold anger, his laughter, tumbling out of the canvas.
You did not know how many portraits you had drawn in the space of those three months in your stay in Florence. It was crazy, when it took the masters years to complete one painting, but your frenzy had birthed dozens. Night and day, you stayed in your studio, eating and sleeping in there if you could had your friends not dragged you to your chambers at some points.
It was in this trance that, once you finished another painting, you saw your unfinished portrait, commissioned by the Senate.
Grabbing hold of the canvas, you propped it on your easel, eyes drifting to the tools on Minghao’s desk. Reaching out, you grabbed hold of the knife.
With one last look at the painting, you raised the knife and slashed it across the canvas.
Twice over, you tore the parchment apart, the great detail of the painting in smithereens, bits of the canvas drooping down. Gripping onto the weapon, you took a deep breath, gaze set.
Gone was the previous, hesitant portrait.
There will be a new beginning.
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THE MOMENT YOU HEARD NEWS OF SEUNGCHEOL’S RETURN, YOU FELT A LITTLE LIFE SPARK BACK INTO YOU.
Many convinced you to stay longer, at least till the end of the celebrations. Minghao and Soonyoung begged for another week, your newfound Florentine friends pleaded for your presence—even the Duke and Duchess were upset to hear of your departure, but you were certain of your decision.
You had to leave for Venice for once.
“Look at her,” Soonyoung teased you, watching you regulate all the new paintings, wrapped perfectly in order to avoid any damage. “One little rumour of the general’s return and she is losing it.”
“God, I despise happy couples,” Minghao muttered, drinking a cup of wine. “I thought you hated the poor man.”
“I guess marriage does that to a person,” the eldest crowed, crossing his arms. “Who would have thought…_____…the first fallen soldier.”
“You both are saying too much,” you remarked, bidding adieu to the first of the dozen carriages on their journey back. “Can I not simply be excited to be back in Venice?”
“As if we are not aware of your feelings on Venice,” Minghao countered. “Just admit that you love your husband.”
You turned to your friend.
“Love?”
“Oh, Jesus help us,” Soonyoung got out. “Please do not say that you still despise the man! We will not believe you!”
You paused.
Love.
You blinked. Twice.
Did you love him?
Your eyes dazed over, hands fidgeting around your skirts.
You knew Seungcheol loved you. You remembered perfectly, really—even after it had been months since the secret confession, his words had not left your soul.
I am in love with my wife.
And she does not love me back.
Hurriedly, you shook your head.
That was a question you could not answer—would not answer.
“You both overlook the carriages,” you said, hoping they will take the hint. “I will meet the Duke and Duchess.”
Heading inside the Palace, you found the artists you had worked alongside standing in the great halls, with the rulers of Florence at the front. They all grinned at your presence, the Duke stepping forward to receive you.
“Surely we can convince you to stay,” he said. “Another week with us will bring no harm.”
“Alas, I cannot,” you rejected politely, a hand on your chest. “Seungcheol has come back.”
“But he would not mind you here!”
“No, he would not, actually. He would want me to stay.”
But I need to go.
It was almost as if he understood, bringing out his hand for you. “Your husband is a lucky man.”
As you put your hand in his, he pressed a chaste kiss, letting go. He stepped back, giving a backward glance to the artists. “You will be missed by us all, Lady _____.”
You could not help smiling at them, the crowd that waved goodbye. “Farewell, Your Grace.” Looking beyond, you returned the gesture, lips curling further. “Farewell, dear friends!”
They sent you off in unison, you quickly exiting from the giant palace as the city’s afternoon sun greeted you once again. Your two Venetian companions were there, one last carriage left for the three.
“Is the lady finished tending to her devotees?” Soonyoung drawled, earning a roll of eyes from you.
“Just open the door,” you ordered. Minghao chuckled at you both, taking your hand as he led you inside the carriage. The two swiftly followed, shutting the doors and signalling the driver to begin the journey back.
Back to Venice.
Travelling back home took just over a week; stops had to be made for the horses, for yourself and your friends, since staying cooped up in a tight carriage never did any good to one’s legs. You were restless, though—knee bouncing underneath your gown whenever you rode, eyes refusing to close during the night, thoughts never resting of a certain man that awaited you. It did not help that Minghao and Soonyoung kept talking about the mundane life of your city, and how they had nothing else to look forward to for the rest of the year. You wanted to agree with them, insult the city on water, but you had nothing to say at that time.
Not when you did have something to anticipate—someone.
Soon, you had entered the State lands, and you could almost smell the lagoon from miles away, welcoming you back after such a long time. The closer you came to the packed city, the more your nerves took over, buzzing with excitement.
Minghao clicked his tongue. “You better contain yourself, _____, or we are throwing you out of this carriage.”
“Go on, then,” you jeered, looking out of the window. Sure enough, the first signs of St Mark’s square could be seen from far away. “I will set Cheol’s soldiers on you both.”
“Using your dear general against us?” Soonyoung smacked a hand over his chest, mimicking betrayal. “After all the shit-talking we tolerated of him! It is always your dearest friends who turn against you.”
Ignoring him completely, your nose sensed the smell of damp wood and spices. Your ears picked up conversations from multiple languages, and you could taste the salt water of the lagoon, permeating the air.
This was Venice.
You had arrived.
“We’re here!” you exclaimed, making the two men hiss from the volume. You did not care, though, when you were here, here in the city, both of you were in the same place. “Quick, you oafs, we need to get out!”
“Is this the Lord punishing us for our sins?” Minghao asked the elder, opening the door. You did not wait for a helping hand as you stepped out, holding onto your skirts. “My God, _____, wait!”
“No time, my dears!” you called back, looking to the bustling roads—the Doge’s Palace was a speck in your vision.
Your feet worked on their own accord.
Like Jupiter’s lightning, you shot across the cramped cobblestone streets, people stumbling from your sheer force. People would have collapsed with shock to see the Doge’s daughter mingling with the public, but you did not care, did not give them such importance, when you were closing in. The turns you hurried into, the alleyways you short-cutted to reduce the distance, it was all paying off—what would have taken you almost an hour to reach the centre took only fifteen minutes, legs never giving up on you.
Once you reached the Palace, you burst through the main entrance, the guards taken aback by your sudden appearance. Instantly, they dipped their heads, informing you of your belongings successfully unpacked in your chambers, but you were not listening. Hurriedly, you asked for the whereabouts of a special person, demanding his location, but the poor guards had no idea, apologising profusely.
Groaning, you stepped past them, hurried in your steps as you made the intricate journey to your chambers. Never had the journey been so far, so long.
Finally, with bated breaths, you found yourself in front of your chambers.
The door was slightly ajar.
A smile caught onto your lips.
Reaching out your hand, you pushed open the door.
There he was.
Choi Seungcheol looked back at you, and you swore you could have collapsed to the floor.
It had been just under three months since you had last seen him, but it was like yesterday, courtesy to your dreams; he turned to face you fully, and you noticed that Corfu had goldened his skin. He glowed against his dark, ruby-coloured robes, over-lined with black fur. His beloved curls had been raked through, arms crossed, tightly over his chest.
His face had you halting all words.
Your own face fell.
Something was wrong. There was turmoil, twisting his features into a grave expression.
You opened your mouth only for him to interrupt you.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Those were not the first words you were expecting from him.
Stunned, you tried to find a response. Maybe it was good he did not care for one, for you had nothing to offer him.
“You are supposed to be in Florence,” he remarked. “You are not due back for another month.”
“I…I know—”
“So why have you come back?”
You gaped at him.
What was wrong with him? Why was he so aggravated?
Furrowing your brows, you decided to question this. “Can I not return home whenever I want?”
“Of course you can, but why would you? You were in Florence!” He gestured to the window, the city beyond. “Did you not enjoy it there?!”
“I did, but—”
“I got a letter from the Duke,” he cut you off. “He told me you hastened your departure from his Palace. Why did you do that?”
“Because…!” you began, trying to cite your reason, but your tongue decided to malfunction at the worst possible times. You could only watch him helplessly. Agitation gnawed at your skin, your bones at your lack of determination.
His questions did not cease. “Did they do something to you?”
“No, never—!”
His hand rested on his neck—then, matching your agitation, he ran the hand through his mess of curls. “Is Florence not what you wanted? Was I wrong in assuming you wanted to go?”
“Cheol,” you started, “No, you were not wrong, but—”
“Then why are you here?!”
A small gasp left you.
“Why are you here?!” he exclaimed again. “You said you could not do anything here, you said you wanted to become an artist, so why have you come back? Florence was your way out, _____!” He began to pace about—he looked as if he was losing his mind. “Florence was your escape!”
By God, he was making you mad.
He did not catch on. “You could have painted whatever you wanted there, but you come rushing back, and it will be back to that portrait you oh-so despise! How foolish can you be, _____?!”
This was the last straw.
He marched up to you, a frenzy on legs.
“What do you have in Venice that had you running back?!”
“YOU!”
Seungcheol paused.
You were too enraged to notice.
“Venice had you, you bastard! I came back to see you!”
You tried to calm down, but the Pandora’s Box of your soul had been wrenched open, and all you could spill out were curses, confessions. “I tried, you know?! I tried to beat it, struggle through the constant thoughts. Florence was the best thing that happened to me, yet still you found a way to be there, watching in my head, my heart!”
The general did not say a word.
You would not have let him. “You want to know what the hell I was doing for the past three months?”
Marching to the closest of the covered easels, you grabbed hold of the cloth. Yanking it off, you revealed the first painting that you had done in the art capital.
His eyes widened.
But you did not let him take in the portrait, not when you despised this painting, its earlier forms. You thundered on, taking on each easel and uncovering the contents. “This!” One by one, a painting of the general was unveiled aggressively, each canvas revealing a different version of him. “Painting you, drawing you, etching you into stone!”
Seungcheol could only gawk at each piece, gaze darting a mile a minute, drinking in the details, following after your wrathful march. Huge pieces of cloth dropped to the floor with each reveal, and he turned around slowly, catching up to you. A portrait of his smiles, a portrait of his glowers—a piece of his military prowess, a sliver of his domestic warmth.
He could not believe how differently you had captured him on every canvas. It was as if you had seen him his entire life, silently watching—appreciating his every feeling.
Once everything had been uncovered, you watched the fallen fabrics. Manically, you almost wanted to laugh.
It seemed like a lifetime before your husband spoke.
“You…” he felt as if he forgot how to talk. “You…painted me? Only me?”
“Have you not guessed already?!” you exclaimed, facing him. “I painted only you! No one else!”
Slowly—ever so slowly—his breathing turned uneven. “Why?”
“God…do you not understand?!”
You groaned, looking at him with all the rage and anger and desire and longing.
“My thoughts of you never ended!”
He stilled.
“They never end, Cheol! I thought it was me dying of some foreign plague, but it has been months, and I cannot bear it! I thought I was going insane, but then I heard you speak to your uncle, and then you said the words that made me lose all sense.”
A little reality kicked into him. “Wh…what words?”
You mustered strength. “You said you loved me, and I did not love you back.”
That had him losing all feeling in his limbs. “Wait, _____—”
“No, let me finish! God, please, let me finish!”
You shuddered out a breath.
“It was supposed to be true.”
Supposed to be.
“Lord help me, I wish it was true, because I would be at peace, and live my life tolerating you!” You rambled on, unable to contain yourself. “But it is not true at all, not in the slightest!”
Seungcheol did not understand what he was hearing.
“______, please—”
“Oh, just shut the fuck up, Cheol!” You screamed.
You stormed over to where he stood, rooted to the floor. Reaching out, you grabbed onto him, holding his face like a lifeline, because you refused to let him slip away.
You were never letting him go.
“Just let me admit that I love you!”
Seungcheol’s heart stopped.
Stopped completely in its rhythm, killing him on the spot.
Your gaze was pure fire. “I love you!”
The second declaration brought him back to life.
It was like the blood, dormant all his life, now began to pump in his veins—bubbling underneath his skin, more on the places your fingers touched, because you were in love with him, you were in love with him when he rendered it impossible.
You. In love with him.
“I hate it! I hate it so much, but nothing can be done! I wanted to despise you forever, but how could I?” You gripped onto his face tighter. “How could I, when you offered me a hand of peace when I wanted war? When you offered me opportunities, when I gave you nothing but misfortune?”
It was so strange, how you were still aggravated, despite your rambling. “How could I when you, you stupid, selfless bastard, had gone against all of Venice, risked your leadership for me?”
When you saw a smile appearing on his stunned, beautiful features, you could have slapped it off him.
“That is why I came back, you stupid man! You are the reason, you prick, you insufferable—”
The glowing general did not let you say another word.
Not when he pounced on you, his lips colliding against yours.
Your abuses hoped to escape even as he captured your mouth, but his touch made you forget every atom of anger that resided in you. Curses morphed into whining mumbles, opening up to him completely because you missed his scarred lips, missed his hands gripping your waist, pulling you closer to him, eradicating the distance that developed for too long.
Damn distance, space, absence between you two—distance made you realise your yearning, distance made it agonising to live your days in normalcy. Absence had you losing the very essence of yourself, but the moment he kissed you, your spirit blazed to life. You could taste the months-stretched longing upon him, more so when he delved deeper, his panting slipping from his mouth.
You could have lived forever in this moment—tongue slipping past the seam of your lips, your hands on either side of his head, slipping into his hair. You could have begged God to pause this point in time, drinking in his pleasure, but then his hands wandered upwards, catching hold of the tightened bows of your dress. Untying the bows as he relished the inner workings of your mouth, he unravelled the lace, fingers stumbling, losing patience with each lace that struggled to fall free from your dress’ eyelet.
Your skin burned when he groaned upon your mouth, sensing his frustration. He broke away from you, pressing a hastened kiss on the corner of your lips before swivelling you around, making you gasp at the sudden action. “Do you even know,” he whispered, fingers finding the tightly-wound strings of your dress, “How long I have wanted this—”
You felt his harsh tugging quicker, wild gaze clearer as, one by one, your dress loosened around your shoulders, your waist. When yanking out the last lace, he planted open-mouthed kisses on the crook of your neck as he peeled your dress off your body, the heavy garment falling to your feet.
Seeing your corset, even more intricately tied than your dress, over your ankle-long chemise had him groaning even louder.
“What the fuck is it with you and your difficult dresses?” he seethed into your ear.
Although his voice made it difficult for you to breathe, you managed to get out, “No way you are defeated…by a corset…”
The heated sarcasm in your voice had him teething love-bites onto your skin, perfect distraction as he took out his dagger from its sheath. His lips pulled away from you, a frantic gaze on your back as he brought the blade to the bottom of the corset.
With one, hard swipe up he tore all the lace, unlocking the bodice’s hold.
You yelped a little at the sound of the knife, then the thud! of the corset as it fell to the floor. You whirled around, features twisting in outrage. “What on earth was that?!” you shrieked, mind still reeling from the slight pain on your neck.
“I got it off, did I not?” he only said, gaze travelling down you as he sheathed his dagger.
You did not notice his face changing as you remarked, “You could have killed me, you fool!”
But then you heard no response from him, and when you finally realised the shift of his demeanour, you instantly quietened.
Seungcheol’s stare could have set you on fire.
Scouring over your newfound state, his hands went limp as he regarded the awfully thin chemise, the last layer before everything was uncovered. The delicate gown left little to the imagination, and as his gaze rested on your breasts, nipples peaking beneath the fabric, you could have shrunk in on yourself.
“Stop looking at me like that,” you said to him, as if you did not wish the exact opposite.
He could not help it.
His hand reached out, the back of his fingers stroking your cheeks. You closed your eyes, breathing stumbling as you felt him travel down, sparking goosebumps on your neck, the skin of your collarbone. He stopped upon the hem of the chemise, twisting the bow at the front.
It was not a lie—he had been waiting far too long for this.
He could not forget how difficult it had become to live in your absence. It was not as if he had never done it before—a decade of military campaigns hardened his feelings for anyone. The torment he experienced in Corfu, though, struck him like a spear to the chest.
After confessing the truth that haunted him for weeks, it became much too real the moment his words saw the light of day. He should have given himself time to truly understand the intensity of this truth, but then you were leaving the very next day, and he witnessed his cowardice by never telling you. He was punished severely for that mistake; Corfu had been horrendous.
For Venice, he had achieved the best outcomes, came back bearing riches never seen in the Senate. But these rewards were meaningless to him. He did not want riches—he did not want what was best for his country.
He wanted you.
He wanted you in moonlit corners of his chamber, in the great halls of the peace party. He ached for you when he was surrounded by hundreds of nobles, he craved for you when he had no one but himself. It was aggravating, how you had cut your way inside of his heart, because of course you would make it difficult for him to be. He wanted nothing more than to reach out to you, even if you were thousands of miles away from him.
And now, you were not a mere inch from him, and he would not be able to control himself.
“_____,” he whispered, his other hand snaking around your waist. “I want this off.”
You could have died in his arms. “You first,” you said, feeling the velvet of his robes. Tugging on the golden buttons, you unfastened each one in the middle, going down. Seungcheol watched you unbutton a little hurriedly with each one undone, and when you stumbled, he could not help scoffing, unbuttoning the last at the top with one hand.
With almost shaking hands you took it off him, unveiling the off-white undershirt, slightly untucked within his black trousers. Instantly your hands reached for the untucked hem, making to pull the garment off when the general took over, taking off the shirt and discarding it on the floor.
Your widening stare had him unable to hide his smirk, despite his blood singing. Your eyes raked over his granite-hard body, scars peppered across his skin, the badges of bravery in every battle he had won. Your fingers traced the muscles that rippled down his abdomen, trailing down—
“Careful,” he mused, stopping your hand with his own. “You charter territory you have not explored.”
When your hands felt the harder surface of his crotch, your breath hitched. “Then let me explore it,” you ground out.
Seungcheol could have come in his pants right then and there.
He was not selfish, though. He could never give into himself when you did not even know what he had in store for you.
In his mind, he prayed for forgiveness. He knew, though, that it would not be accepted.
No amount of prayers could have saved him from Hellfire—not after what he wished to do to you.
So he only brought your hands to his shoulders, tugging you back. “I cannot, carrissima,” he said gently, pushing you further into the room, where your bed was settled. “Not until I am done with you.”
Your legs hit the edge of the bed, and you were engulfed with the general’s lips before he sat you down, he falling to his knees. “God, I—” he could not get the words out, spreading your legs before him. “Do you even know how much I wanted to do this again?”
Bunching the gown at your waist, the sight of your dripping cunt was enough to abandon religion altogether. With your layers all gone but one, you could see clearly the lust that radiated off his features. “Why make me wait so long then?”
His hands gripped your legs. “You’ll enjoy it all the more.” Pressing a chaste peck of his lips against your inner thigh, he continued, “Perhaps this time you’ll be louder since you missed me so much.”
Cheeks heating, you griped, “You will not get a word out of me now.”
His arrogant stare held great promise. “We will see about that.”
You would have said something more, but his tongue flattening against your folds robbed you of speech.
What was once slow and tender had transformed into something carnal. Seungcheol’s tongue teased you, taunted you along the edges of your cunt, lapping up evidence of your desire, savouring the taste as if it were Tuscan wine. He was so familiar with this surrounding, but he could never become used to the feeling of your walls pulsating around his tongue, the tongue which thrashed inside of you.
Like a defeated, greedy fool you moaned at his ministrations, dying and reviving with his every calculated movement, the well-known tightness at the small of your back. Like a drum beginning to play, a faint beating thrummed rhythmically, informing you of your imminent downfall should your husband continue. It was so embarrassing how quickly you had become a stuttering mess before him, but he was too good at what he did.
As if his tongue was not enough, he opened you up further, his fingers finding your clit and circling the bud, amplifying your pleasure twice over. You held onto his hair as you thrashed against him, sure to have flown off the bed had his hand not held you in place.
He fastened his pace, and the beating at your core grew louder, body tightening at what was to come. It seemed as though Seungcheol would have spent eternity with his face stuffed between your thighs, but you wanted release, needed freedom before you started cursing him through second nature.
But then he swirled his tongue inside you, and you jumped ship from insults.
For the first time, you resorted to begging.
“Please, Cheol,” you whimpered to him, gripping his locks tighter. “Please go faster, I need you to—!”
Your pleading was like the trumpet of victory tuning in his ears. He obliged you, the beautiful bastard obliged you so well that when he sped up you could not even mewl out a mere thanks. You knew that you would curse yourself for resorting to begging him, but when he tongue-fucked you to perfection, you could not hold onto your pride. You were acutely aware of the effect your pleases had on the man toiling inside you.
Breathing uneven, heart lodged in your throat, and mouth hanging open, you thought that you would die before you reached the final high.
The general’s fingers worked their magic on the bundle of nerves.
You could not have taken it any longer.
With a shattered gasp you climaxed onto his mouth, thighs jolting as release came crashing. You floated among the clouds as you tried to recover, the man slowing his tongue, fingers ceasing their labour.
Even as he respired heavily, watching you recover had his cock restraining in his trousers. So undone by his actions, when he had just scratched the surface of your pleasure.
He said so himself, raising his head to watch you breathing sharply, eyes hooded. “Don’t tell me…you are already done for the night.”
Straightening on his knees, he was almost at eye-level with you. His mouth was slick with your release, curls twisting in a frizzling mess. “What…” How had you forgotten how to speak? “What…what do you mean?”
His fingers drummed upon your legs. “I haven’t even fucked you yet.”
The hairs on the back of your neck erected. Your silence had the prick laughing. “God, I haven’t ever seen you this stunned!” Shuffling closer, he savoured the growing passion that still stained your face. “I fear the loss of your voice if my cock goes inside of you.”
You blinked back at the mention. His confidence was one thing, but his pomposity was something else entirely.
You could not let him say such things—even if it set a bonfire alight in your stomach. “Arrogance is a terrible look on you,” you muttered, but the comment came out weaker than expected—that may have had to do with your too-recent climax.
His hands began to lift your chemise even further, skimming past your sides. “And silence,” he countered, tugging at your arms so you raised them, swiping the flimsy shift off your body, “Is an amazing look…” he trailed off, seeing you without a single layer left. “Ah, an amazing look on you.”
Cheeks heating hotter than the sun, you ranted, “You talk too much.” You wrapped your arms around him. “Just kiss me.”
He fought to contain his smile. “And what do you say after such a request?”
“Now.”
“Wrong! The answer was please, Cheol, please! Ruler of my heart, half of my soul, please kiss me!”
You would have screamed at him were you not aching for him so ardently. “Bastard,” you only muttered before you pounced on his mouth. The general delighted at your enthusiasm, the impatience rolling of your tongue as he swirled it with yours. His hands pushed you back onto the bed, sending you further into the sheets as your pillows welcomed you. He was prowling atop you, his lips latching onto your neck as he unbuttoned his trousers, peeling them off along with his boots.
You clawed at his underwear, pulling it off him. The sight of his cock had your mind going blank.
There was a very valid concern that if he was truly putting something that big inside of you, you were going to die.
Perhaps he sensed your slight shift, for he looked down at you, his locks tickling your forehead. “Careful, _____,” he whispered, “Or you will never hear the end of my conceit.”
“Cheol…” you could not take your eyes off him in all his glory. “I was joking when I said you wished to kill me.”
“Kill you?” His harsh chuckling fanned your face. “No, no, carrissima, not when I…” he planted kisses upon your cheeks, your chin. “Not when I have something to do to you first.”
Gripping onto his cock, he tugged your legs apart, levelling against your entrance. The mere touch of his tip between your folds had your mouth slacking, ceasing breath. “Stop teasing,” you exhaled out, arms locked around his neck as you glanced below. “Just put it in already.”
“Patience, my love,” he purred, pausing his torment, “You know I want to take my time.”
You gritted your teeth, about to thrust upwards to get him inside you when his hand on your hip pushed you down. “My God…so needy for me, aren’t you? Cannot even control yourself?”
Your body sang at his words, despite your own seething, “I really fucking hate you.”
The phantom smile he offered could have undid you there and then.
“Oh, I know,” he said, pressing his forehead against yours. “But you will adore me when I am done fucking you.”
Then, with a shuddering breath, he began his descent.
Slowly, painstakingly slow, he slid inside of you, careful not to overwhelm you. Your entire soul stood at a standstill as you felt your walls pulsate around his cock, singing at how it felt around you when he was not even finished. You pulled him closer to you, noses brushing as he filled you with the last of his inches.
You did not want to move—Lord, he was so fucking big, you were half-frightened you would snap with any sudden movements. If you were not patient, Seungcheol was, watching you adjust with shivered exhales. Despite his claims, he, too, only wanted comfort for you, waiting for your signal to continue.
Nodding hurriedly against him, you gave him your approval.
He sent a quick kiss upon your mouth before he slowly began to pull out.
Clamping your lips together did not help, inhaling sharply through your nose as you started crumbling over so simple an action. It was as if time turned stagnant in the room you both lay, connected beyond your physical bodies. The world watched over you both, hidden away from everyone else, but completely exposed to each other. The slight discomfort that first came was morphing into something else—something infinitely more pleasurable.
You did not understand how Seungcheol made it so easy to make you whimper with the mere sliding-out of his cock, but you held onto him for dear life as his tip only remained between your folds. Foolishly you thought this would be the end of it, but then he plunged into you again, and the slight change of pace had you gripping him tighter, nails digging into his shoulders.
“F-fuck,” you rasped out, the familiar feeling returning, filling you to the brim. “Cheol, I…fuck—”
“Tell me,” he murmured, bottoming inside you once more, savouring your flaccid expression, lips parted. “Tell me how you feel.”
You could not say anything intelligent, forgetting all speech. How could anyone remember something so frivolous as language when your husband pressed open-mouthed kisses upon your neck, offering sweet nothings to you. He created this delicious, hypnotic rhythm of moving in and out within you, and you bucked your hips against him, unable to help yourself.
His hands stopped you though, pinning your hips to the sheets. Never stopping his rhythm, he whispered against your mouth, “Easy now…not until you tell me what you want.”
But he was quickening his pace a little, and you could not suppress the moan that escaped you, brimming with need. “Cheol, I—” you gasped, catching onto the dull ache that thrummed at your core.
“Faster,” you could only say after a time, fingers journeying up into his hair, raking through his curls.
He scoffed, unable to contain his delight at your change. “Faster what, dear wife?” he asked, panting as he reached the edge of your cunt again.
Maybe in another lifetime, you would have kept him waiting. To Hell with such a pretentious, cocky bastard, making you beg even when you could barely get a word out.
However, you were in this lifetime, being fucked by the greatest living general Venice had ever seen. You did not have the patience anymore—nor the self-respect to upkeep the act of hatred.
So you beseeched him.
“Faster, please,” you ground out, trying to break free from his hold on your hip. “Please, just go…fuck, faster!”
Seungcheol wished there was a way to store your blubbering and engulf it in his soul.
You cursing out—cursing which was not directed at him—had his body ready to burst into flames. The way you whimpered with every powerful thrust of his hips, eyes widening with his every heated kiss on your skin—he wanted to relish every little moment, your every movement his motivation to make this night unforgettable.
This time, he decided to be relentless.
He obliged you in the best possible manner, quickening his rhythms as he crashed his lips against yours, your elated panting the perfect encouragement. You traced his beloved scar with your tongue, bringing your hands to hold his face, pulling him closer, needing to taste him, engulf him, devour him before you shattered.
You knew your end was near when the same thrum—the one you felt before your husband undid you for the first time—welcomed you back, dull but imminent, warning you early on. You would have warned him too, but the way you clenched around him was implication enough. It was good enough that Seungcheol was not a stupid man.
He was a cruel man, though, when he knew just how to make you crumble under him. His cock thrust inside once more, hitting a certain spot within you that had you crying out, branding your hands into his face. You squeezed your eyes shut, unable to take it much longer.
His unearthly growl had you opening them in an instant. “Look at me when I’m fucking you.”
Your gaze would have rooted to him, but the ache was growing, spreading to the small of your back, down to your legs. He was pounding into you now, sharp as an arrow hitting its target, as focused as if he was in battle—this conflict between you two was special, more treasured than anything in his military prospects. Your broken moans, your stuttering prayers were a greater medal of valour than anything he had achieved in his entire life.
“Look at you,” he grated out, each breath shallow, in tune with his rapid movements. “Never…fuck, never did I think, in my wildest fucking dreams…” His hand on your hips travelled down. “Ah, you under me, begging me…taking my cock so—”
He could not even finish, his excitement taking over as he brought his fingers into the equation, thumb prodding at your bundle of nerves. You cursed the heavens this time, long-winded and dirty because you were going to die, you were going to explode with your husband balls-deep inside of you, and the patricians will find your body in pieces.
“C-close now, Cheol—” you began, but were interrupted with his lips upon yours because he understood. The pace was unmatched, your clit was incited, and the cloud of lust that passed over your mind had taken away every rational thought. Yes, the patricians would find your dead body in the Palace, and you would be remembered as the woman who died from her husband’s cock.
The worst part was that you stopped caring—you did not give a single care in the world, because Choi Seungcheol was the catalyst to your ruination, had always been, but this was ruination you welcomed with open arms. This was destruction at its finest, taking the forms of sloppy kisses speckled on your throat, frantic hands playing with your breasts, wandering fingers circling your bud.
So you decided to let the Victor of Venice take over.
His one last thrust into you was your absolute undoing.
You cried into his mouth as your release crashed down on you like cannonfire, body writhing, legs in disarray, cunt pulsating around the cause of such pleasure. Your entire soul went limp, sinking into your bed as you closed your eyes, heartbeat pumping as loud as sirens in your ears.
It seemed your completion was too much for the general, for he slipped out his cock, groaning just in time to spill onto the sheets, some of it spilling on your legs. He collapsed beside you, the great expanse of his bare chest rising up and down.
The two of you lay there, shoulders touching, breathing the world’s air as your minds reeled from what just happened.
Hand on your chest, your heartbeat refused to calm down.
You and Seungcheol had crossed the final boundary.
After months of this marriage, you both had consummated it.
Your cheeks heated from the thought.
That was possibly the best you had ever felt in your life.
And Choi fucking Seungcheol gave you that feeling.
It was almost comical how, despite your undeniable love for him, that thought made you twist your features.
“Do not tell me you hated it.”
Perking up, you turned your face to catch the very man that inhabited your thoughts. He, too, reflected your action, focusing his tired eyes upon you. “What was that expression for?”
You thought about torturing him for a second, but seeing the genuine concern in his gaze had you sighing. “I was thinking that…well, I have never felt this good in my life.”
The concern completely vanished. The grin that greeted you was insufferable. “I hope you know that you are never living this down.”
“I know,” you muttered, wrapping your arms around yourself. “So savour it. I am never saying it again.”
He breathed out a soft laugh, running his hand through his matted curls. “Trust me, I will.”
Smiling a little, you looked up at the ceiling, levelling your breathing. Now, it seemed as if your body was feeling more at ease, as if it had stepped down from the clouds, and settled on earth. The two of you were quiet for a bit longer when the general spoke up.
“_____?”
Turning on his side completely, he propped up an elbow, holding his head in his hand as he regarded you. “Why did you not tell me you heard me that day? You know, all those months ago…”
You recognised the memory he was talking about. “Honestly…”
Your eyes stayed rooted to the chandeliers on your ceiling. “I did not know how to tell you.” Your hands around you tightened. “I mean, it was the first time I heard you say it. I could not understand it either at the time, but…”
Thinking further, you then glanced at him. “Why did you not tell me, Cheol?”
The general bit the scarred flesh of his bottom lip.
“I was terrified of your reaction.”
That had you blinking back.
He could tell you found that hard to believe. “Truly….” His other hand settled in front of him, inches from your shoulder. “You see, we were thrown together without our consents, forced to be in each other’s lives. I admit I hated the idea of you with me forever, but you…well, we are both aware of the extent of your hatred.”
You nodded slowly, waiting for him to continue. “Unfortunately for me, my hatred vanished quicker than yours.” He scoffed a little, stroking your arm with his pointer. “And the more I fell for you, the harder it became to tell you because your feelings had not changed.”
“The great military commander of our nation,” you chanted, “Scared to confess to a woman?”
His frown had you chuckling. “You are not just any woman to me,” he muttered, locking you in his stare. “You are my wife.”
It was difficult, fighting back a smile at that. “Still,” you insisted, “You should have told me sooner.”
“Well, I have made up for that mistake, no?”
The glimmer in his irises had your stomach fluttering. “I suppose so.”
“Suppose so?” he parrotted. “What happened to I never felt this good in my life?”
“I was lying through my teeth.”
The beady look in his eyes did not go unnoticed. “You keep convincing yourself of that.”
Your smile remained, though, tossing and turning from the corners as you kept thinking. The man was ready to lay down again when you spoke.
“I did hate you for this marriage,” you began, arms loosening. “And you are right about it taking longer for me to get to this point…I remember when I heard you say that marrying you was punishment enough for me.”
The man almost shivered thinking about that memory. “Hmm.”
“I did believe it for the longest time.”
You turned to him fully though, looking up at his forlorn expression. “I thought it was punishment, like you said…”
Your fingers reached out, holding his hand that caressed your skin. “But somehow, within these months, it has become a blessing.”
His fierce stare nearly rendered you breathless. Despite that, you carried on. “I meant every word I said, Cheol, even if it was in a rage.”
Your thumb stroked the back of his hand. “I love you.”
Seungcheol could have shattered.
Knitting his brows, he leaned in, enveloping his lips with yours in a tender kiss. You hummed onto his mouth as his fingers held your face, enraptured by how perfect his lips were on you, moving as if you both had all the time in the world.
When he pulled away, he did not stop caressing your cheeks. Strange, how he could not stop touching you—as if you would drift away should he stop.
“I love you, _____,” he declared to you. “For a long time I have kept it a painful secret, but no longer.”
Nothing could have taken away the joy that spread all over you.
And since your happiness was so utterly beautiful to the general, he had to have a taste, kissing you again, infected by your elation.
As the two of you stayed in each other’s arms, unable to part from one another, your thoughts began to wander.
You had wasted so much of your life despising the man before you.
Yes, you both had hated each other, but you wondered if, had you noticed the change in his demeanour, you might not have reflected on your actions, and seen past the lens of your hatred.
You supposed it did not matter much now.
Not when he was beside you this very moment.
A great, hopeful feeling blossomed that he was not leaving any time soon.
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THE WEEKS AFTER THAT FATED EVENING WAS SO PEACEFUL YOU COULD NOT HELP BECOMING SUSPICIOUS.
Seungcheol was unable to stop smiling that entire time. You finally admitting to your true feelings was the catalyst to his happiness.
Of course, now that both of you were aware of the depths of your adoration, you and him could not keep your hands away from each other. That evening was not the end. You should have known from the start, but the general’s strength in undoing you numerous times in one night—over several nights—was a blessing you never thought you would acquire.
Sometimes, you would think you were dreaming.
The general shared the same sentiment.
Never did he think he would arrive at this point in his life. He had almost accepted to stay in a one-sided marriage, forever watching you from a distance, refusing to come closer should you step away. He was aware that maybe you did not hate him as much as before, but love…that was a miracle he thought he did not deserve.
In those moments, when he thought it would all slip away, he would turn on his side of the bed. There, he would observe your slumbering figure, so at peace next to his own, and he would have to fight the urge to reach out, trail his shaking fingers along the corners of your mouth. Never before had he slept so peacefully until you were beside him.
Everyone noticed your closeness with your husband after that evening. Because you had finished your portrait, the two of you were seeing each other outside of the workshop. With that, different patrician families saw the unadulterated fondness between you two, and wished for it to forever prosper. Minghao and Soonyoung teased you relentlessly for ‘giving in to the enemy’, but they would immediately shut their mouths when you threatened Seungcheol’s cannons to blast down their lodgings.
Of course, you did continue your painting, but, to Seungcheol’s great disappointment, you had begun to explore different subjects rather than resort to frenzy-painting him.
“Perhaps I should go back to being a stone-cold arsehold,” he mused one day in the studio, rolling his eyes at your still-life. “Then you can go insane and paint another twenty portraits of me.”
A click of your tongue. “Just for that, I am tearing those portraits down.”
“Okay, fine, do not paint me again.” He stepped over to you, feigning his most charming, innocent expression. “But at least give me one peak of the official portrait!”
You deigned him a passive glance. “You know what my answer is.”
“Please?”
Back to the canvas you focused. “Refer to my previous response.”
“Oh, come on!” He jutted out his lower lip, irritation rising. “Why not?”
Adding a few black spots on the fruit, you said, “Because I want it to be a surprise.”
“But I do not like surprises!”
“And I do not like you, but we cannot have everything we wish for.”
Seungcheol snorted. “Has anyone ever told you about your tendency to shamefully lie?”
“Has anyone ever told you about your tendency to be a pain in my backside?”
Now the strongest military general in Europe began to sulk.
You could not help sighing, ignoring him completely as you finished your still-life.
It was not as if you enjoyed tormenting Seungcheol—okay, this was a shameful lie—but you had to keep the portrait a secret from him. Ever since you told him of your complete changeover for the artwork, curiosity was getting the better of him, begging you to see the changes. Had you not cared for him, you would have tossed the canvas to him.
This time, you actually cared about his opinion.
So, although it was tiresome to deal with the general’s constant complaints, you managed to hold him off till the day of the uncovering.
It was planned to be the grandest affair. After Seungcheol returned victorious from Corfu, the Doge could not help but throw a celebration worthy of his general’s rank. Three months’ separation had helped with the elder’s temperament; because your own expedition was a success concerning Florentine relations, your father had to move on from the past.
Every patrician family was invited to the Doge’s Palace on this special day. Everyone dressed in their finest attire, the afternoon spent in gathering the guests in the grand halls, where the easel stood in the middle, cloak covering the military portrait.
You watched the people enter the halls, rubbing your palms against your skirts to wipe off the sweat. Granted, not very lady-like, but you were getting nervous. You knew you were going to present the painting to a panel, but you were not aware of the couple hundred nobles as an audience.
Maybe it was not too late. You could always escape—you had done it before, you could do it again. It would be quite easy, if you really planned it out thoroughly.
“You are not thinking of running away, are you?”
You flinched around, about to scream at the person who caught you.
The general’s presence had you quietening immediately.
“Jesus!” you cursed, hand on your chest. “Do not sneak up on me like that.”
“Blasphemy is a sin, darling,” he said. Then, he raked his eyes over your red gown, pearls scattered waist up, the golden jewellery, and he hummed in approval. “So is looking this exquisite.”
“You do not look so terrible yourself,” you muttered, gazing back at the mingling crowd beyond the doorway.
“Honestly, you think you make an effort,” he murmured, crossing his arms over his armoured chest. “Carrissima, why are you so nervous?”
“I do not know,” you answered truthfully. “I just…there are so many people.”
“So?” He shrugged. “That has never bothered you before.”
“Yes, but this is important,” you insisted. “This is my entire identity being set up for judgement. If the Senate does not like the portrait, then I am done for.”
“_____, everyone will adore the portrait,” he reassured you, stepping closer to you. “If you impressed the Florentine masters, then us common Venetians will be wowed without effort!”
You made a face at him. “Yes, but I took many risks with this painting. What if they work against me?”
“Hey…” He took your hand—his gloves caught the sweat from your palms. “Being anxious is normal. Taking risks has its disadvantages, I understand that…” He searched for the right words. “Sometimes, when I am in battle, everything I do is a risk to my life. In Corfu, my every word had to be planned with caution…”
He smiled a little. “The one thing I did not risk was my confession to you. And that is something I regret.”
You watched him stroking the back of your hand. “I was so scared to tell you of my feelings that…well, you had to hear it while I told my uncle. I wish that I had told you before you went to Florence, but what is done is done.”
His fingers paused. “What I cannot have, though, is you wanting to abandon a dream over its risks.” Then he brought his other hand on yours, covering it fully. “You are too talented for that.”
You bit the inside of your cheek, staring up at him. “I am still thankful I heard you that day.”
“Yes, but I wish I had confessed it to you.” He sighed. “So do not run away. Do not be like me.”
Nodding, you smirked a little. “So the commander of Venice’s armies is not as fearless as everyone thinks.”
The general shook his head. “Do not make me wish the Senate rejects you, dear wife.”
Chuckling at his threat, you slid out your hand from his hold, dusting at your skirts. “Right. I think I am ready.”
A midnight-armoured arm was held out for you. “Shall we?”
Sliding your hand in the space, you answered, “Let us go.”
With your spirits lightened and your heart determined, you and your husband entered the great hall together.
Everyone erupted into cheer at the sight of you both.
Congratulations were sung throughout the crowd, most for your portrait and Seungcheol’s successful Corfu campaign. It filled you with excitement, seeing so many people genuinely celebrate your achievement. That did not mean that your portrait had been accepted, but it was encouraging to see the support.
The Doge walked over to you and Seungcheol. Clamping your lips together, you dipped your head in respect, locking and unlocking your hands.
“_____.”
“Papa,” you replied, trying to be earnest. “Thank you for coming.”
He tilted his head, ducal cap shifting. “Of course, cara. Whatever happened before…let us put it behind us.” He offered a small smile. “I hope the Senate admits the portrait into the Palace.”
You returned his cordial affection. “Thank you again. Truly.”
Your gaze went beyond your father, at Councillor Choi, who was looking straight at your husband. With a sideward glance at him, it seemed he was returning the cold gaze with a smile, which was more a flash of teeth.
It seemed as if their relationship would take longer to heal.
“I must speak with some councillors,” the Doge said, a hand on your shoulder. “Enjoy the festivities.”
Nodding, you watched him walk to a group of patricians, asking for their welfare. You tugged on Seungcheol’s arm, catching his attention. “All right?”
Glancing at you, he said, “Oh? Yes, I am fine. I have yet to have a civil conversation with my uncle.” He went back to glaring daggers at his elder, who was now beside the Doge. “As if his reputation was damaged at all since we returned.”
“Forget about him, Cheol.” Your fingers squeezed his arm. “Today is about you. Do not let him ruin that for you.”
A smile. “Today is about you more.”
“Well, yes, it is mostly about me. You can have a fraction of my attention.”
“Is it too late to sabotage your painting, I wonder?”
You were about to curse out his entire family line when your friends interrupted you. The two idiots sauntered over to you, looking more extravagant than you in their blue and green attire.
“Ah, the man and woman of the hour!” Soonyoung exclaimed. “We were wondering where you both had run off to.”
Minghao set his mocking stare upon you. “I bet you fifty gold liras that she was running away and the general here was stopping her.”
“My God!” Your husband’s amusement had you scowling. “You should be a fortune-teller.”
The youngest sighed over-dramatically. “My talents are wasted on these people.”
You remarked, “You cannot waste what you do not have, Hao.”
“Seungcheol, when are you shipping her off to Florence again?”
The general laughed, patting your hand on his arm. “After running back from there to see me, I fear she is too obsessed with me to stay too far.”
You gave him an incredulous look. “Says the one who cried to his uncle about his undying affection for me.”
“There were no tears!”
“The way you were whining there might as well have been!”
Seungcheol’s scoff was harsh. “I would die before shedding tears over you.”
Soonyoung’s voice had you both pausing. “Do you both wish for some privacy, or…?”
“When you are finished bickering,” Minghao began, “You need to head to where the easel is. It is time for the uncovering.”
That had all humour vanishing. “Oh.”
It was time.
The general dipped his head to the dear companions in thanks. “We will see you later.”
“Good luck!” The two noblemen called as you and your husband set on the path of the portrait, covered by the red cloak.
It was a small walk, everyone quieting when they realised what you were about to do. The Doge was there, along with a few patricians representing the State beside the easel. The nerves were building up the closer you crept to the officials, fingers tapping a beat against his arm. Your stomach was somersaulting, threatening to spill out from your mouth. You were infinitely grateful for Seungcheol at your side, or you would have crumbled under everyone’s scrutiny.
Once you both stood next to the easel, one of the Senate members spoke. “General,” he said, “Since this is your portrait, you may do the honours.”
The said-man took a deep breath.
You, on the other hand, held yours.
Turning to the cloth, his hand reached out, pulling at the fabric.
The cloth fell to the floor.
Everyone in the great hall gasped.
The Victor of Venice froze in his stead.
The portrait had been changed completely.
He had to take a step back, absorbing the details: the subject looked straight at the viewer, right hand resting against the arms of his throne, the other gripping his chin—observing constantly. Gone was the Venetian military armour that you had insisted on; what was his midnight armour had turned into the golden chestplate of the ancient Romans, accompanied with golden gauntlets on his arm and a crimson cloak tied at his shoulder. The red tunic stopped just above his thighs, and his sandals feet rested on the pedestal of his throne. His right hand held the infamous spear, wrapped in laurel, and the helmet settled in his lap, glowing from your brushstrokes. The head, instead of the helmet, bore a wreath of roses, red as the blood he shed. His features were focused, gaze sharp, but behind his pondering fingers was a ghost of a scarred smile.
Seungcheol parted his mouth.
You had painted him as Mars. The God of War.
Everyone who was fortunate enough to catch a peek at the portrait let out noises of approval, whispers spreading through the crowds of your creation. The skill, the colours, the perfect resemblance to their general—every quality was praised in hushed tones.
The councillors, along with the Doge, murmured amongst themselves, undoubtedly impressed. You did not see them, though. Not your friends, the people who sung your praises.
Your gaze was rooted to the man who you painted—your muse.
You could not breathe seeing him so stunned.
The verdict came through, bright and clear as the sun that shone on the city.
“Lady _____’s portrait has been accepted by order of the Republic!”
The hall erupted into a deafening cheer.
Every single person in the Palace roared, screamed in delight over your acceptance. Minghao and Soonyoung broke through the walls of patricians, grabbing onto your hands, jumping up and down at the declaration because you did it, you did it, you did it! You glanced at them momentarily, your hands joining in their rhythm, but you could not stray from the statue-still man, staring and staring at his oil reflection.
“There must be dancing at once!” the Doge exclaimed, and immediately everyone scrambled into place, choosing their partners. Your friends promised to see you soon, finding their own dancers. Soon, with the musicians commencing their instruments, the aristocrats created a long circle. You and the general were in the centre, alone with the portrait. The people were so focused on each other, the celebrations, that they did not notice the silence in the inner circle.
Stepping beside him, you, too, faced the painting. You dared not look at him again, staring instead at his painted face. By God, he truly was beautiful.
Realising he was not going to, you decided to speak.
“I…I understand that this is very different from how I was painting the last one…I promise, I have an explanation.”
You picked at the stray threads of your gown. “You remember, do you not, the way I used to insult your military career? I never respected it, tormented you for it, long before we were adults…well, when you stood up for me that day, it made me stop, because…you were the opposite. You gave my art respect.”
You felt him perk up at that. “Now I know you have poked fun at my art before, but that day…when I truly thought my dreams were slipping away, you helped make them a reality. You believed in me when no one else did.”
Finally, with all the strength you could muster, you deigned him a glance.
“That is why I painted you as Mars. It is my way of saying that I am here for you, as you have been here for me.”
With that, you looked back at the canvas, heart hammering in your chest.
The people danced and danced around you, the lyres in full swing, tuning music around the grand hall. The entire world was occupied, save the two of you, who were alone despite the chaos around them.
The general broke his silence.
“What about the roses?”
You looked at him.
He was staring at the crown of roses atop his head, nestled in his curls.
A smile caught onto your lips. “It is the symbol of Venus.”
His eyes widened.
Venus. Goddess of Love.
“You already know the relationship between her and Mars…it is a gift for him. An offering of support.” Your gaze did not stray from him as you continued, “Venus, too, believed in Mars more than any other god.”
He knew exactly what you meant.
I believe in you, Cheol, as much as you believe in me.
Seungcheol let out a shuddering breath.
Catching on, you glanced at him.
“Oh my God, are you crying?”
Sure enough, the Victor’s eyes were glistening, soft tears forming in the corners.
On instinct, your hands reached out. “Hey,” you murmured, holding his arms and making him face you. Instantly he blinked back, pursing his mouth as he looked away from you.
You could not help saying, “What happened to never shedding a tear over me?”
“Shut up,” he guttered, voice a little hoarse. “Maybe if you just stuck with the original…”
“Come on now!” you teased, clutching his hands. “How was I supposed to be know you were going to start weeping—”
“God, you are cruel!” he got out, trying to wave off your hold, but you only laughed, wrapping your fingers further in.
“Okay, okay,” you said, unable to stop smiling. “Tell me. Do you like it?”
He still did not meet your gaze. “I hate it. I will have it burned the second this dance is over.”
You could not control your laughter. “Why then? I say light a torch this second and throw it at the canvas!”
“_____!”
“Seungcheol!” you countered, beaming as you let go of his hands.
With great care, you held his face, fingers cherishing the warm skin, the embarrassed blush that coloured his cheeks.
“Cheol,” you said again—softer, tender. Your voice had his hands finding solace around your waist. “Do you like it?”
Eyes glistening still, he leaned into your hold, tilting his head.
“I love it.”
His gaze could have reduced you to tears.
“I love you.”
Your smile was out of your command, lighting up your face.
“I love you too, Cheol.”
The general damned the audience as he leaned in, enveloping his lips with yours.
As you kissed him back, your soul singing at his touch, you knew that you were wrong.
Long ago, you made a promise that one day, you would kill the Victor of Venice—despite your lack of power, influence, resources.
However, you had to break your vow.
You simply had to, when that very man had given you all of those things—your art, which will extend beyond the city of water, your influence, your power—you had gained with his help.
And of course, you cannot kill the man you love. You cannot eradicate a soul so conjoined with yours.
As you broke away from him, you watched his eyes dancing. “Say, I have a question for you, carrissima.”
“God help me.”
His smirk was positively evil. “Would you ever make a portrait of me naked?”
“Hmm…” you mocked a ponder. “Never!”
“What? Whyever not?”
“Because nobody deserves to see something as heinous as you naked.”
The scoff that escaped the general’s mouth had you raising your eyebrows. “You say that, but we both know your reaction to seeing my cock out.”
Hurriedly you looked around to find nobody listening. “God!” you let out, earning a vicious laugh. “It was a face of horror, you fool!”
If that was not enough, he then leaned closer, cooing, “Please, Cheol! Please go faster, I need you to—!”
“Jesus!” you shrieked, instantly covering his mouth with your hand. “We are in public!”
His gaze was pure mischief—God, he was such an arsehole.
Hesitantly, you uncovered his lips, which were exposing a shit-eating grin. “So when shall I come to the studio?” he asked, fingers drumming against your sides. “Suppose I shall have to get priests’ robes to match your nun ones.”
As you watched him, unable to maintain a scowl at his elated expression, you only threw him another snide comment which made him laugh all the more freely.
No, you could not do it.
Even if he remained the most insufferable person in the peninsula, you could not wipe out your sworn enemy.
Once your sworn enemy.
Now, your dearest, greatest love.
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refat-ahmed · 18 days ago
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نِيَّةٌ
Niyyah
• It's the intentions that matter the most.
• True beauty shines through sincere intentions.
• A pure intention can make the smallest deed powerful.
• Right intentions turn small deeds into great rewards.
362 notes · View notes
fanaticsnail · 9 months ago
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Two More Times
Masterlist Here
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(Image Source:)
Word Count: 4,300+
Synopsis: A meet up with a beautiful Captain has you feeling unworthy of being by Shanks' side as his partner. Shanks does not like being ignored - he wants to showcase his pretty girl sat on his knee. He reminds you of your importance to him, while punishing you for behaving like a brat. His brat.
Warnings: MDNI, smut, p in v, afab!reader, dom!shanks x brat!reader, overstimulation, Shanks begs a little bit, Shanks is a hypocrite, prolonged eye contact, inappropriate use of mirrors, has plot I swear.
Notes: This little fic was brought to you by Aussie shenanigans write night while nursing mutual hangovers. A gift for and beta-read by @sordidmusings.
Tag List: @writingmysanity, @feral-artistry, @gingernut1314
The searing burn of a scorched gaze had been fixed on your body all night long. The feel of the attention on your back as you departed, the focus pinpointed on your face as you entered; the gaze wanting so desperately to meet with your own searching within your eyes - eyes that you refused to return the longing expression to find purchase against his rust-coloured orbs. 
No illusion, nor discrepancy, had you hold any disillusion that this man - the captain of the Red-Hair Pirates, was completely smitten with you. The way he was such a gentleman for you: ordering your drinks at the tavern, ensuring you were the first to cross the threshold into a room by holding the door ajar, his body always finding itself thrust between you and harm's way. He was a captain: a man of great myth and fierce legend. His legacy will live on forever by his works and deeds alone. And he wanted you, he desired you. 
He was with you.
You desired to be by his side fingertips granting warmth to one another through presence in proximity, the almost brush of your lips meeting as your eyes glazed over. Your bodies almost always found each other in one form or another, but tonight, you were yet to clasp the final link in the heavy chains binding you physically to one another. 
The small, insignificant thing holding you back from committing to the bit; returning his gaze and advances, was the pang clashing harshly against your ribcage and desire rolling off your body in waves. This meeting with a potential Nakama for the Red-Hair Pirates; a captain as beautiful in appearance as she was in nature had you feeling inadequate and unworthy of harboring the affections of a man such as Shanks. He was yours, and you were his through and through - but she? 
Oh, she? She was spectacular. 
Instead of being Shanks’ loyal partner by his side, you engaged with your crew ensuring their drinks always remained topped up while lying idle in conversing with the new allied crew. Making polite conversation with the Nakama crew came incredibly naturally to you. You had a knack for making all those around feel special and cared for, a skillset Shanks greatly appreciated in you. 
As you maneuvered your way around Lucky Roux and Lime-Juice to meet your interlaced hands at the bar top counter, those eyes you were avoiding burned you with the same intensity you had been feeling all night. Eyes you knew should hold their intense focus in the meeting with the potential Nakama captain in front of him. You flicked your hair over your shoulder, checking on your crew while sparing a fleeting glance at your redheaded captain through your peripherals. 
His rust-coloured orbs sat unblinking and hyperfocused on your body; exactly where they shouldn’t be to ensure the meeting went smoothly. Regardless of how desperately you desired to saunter over to Shanks, quietly reprimand him in his ear with a small kiss on his cheekbone, and flee without another word: you held back to allow him space to discuss the intricacies of the meeting space with the foreign captain.
Shanks was incredibly upset about your absence at his side. He wanted his pretty girl to sit on his knee whispering praises and playful jests into his ear. He wanted to look up into your face, smiling his broad dopey grin as his pretty girl was on display for all to see. 
Instead he sat, cradling his chin in his hand and ignoring this captain he knew he should be paying his undivided attention to. But his attention did remain divided, held completely transfixed by your surliness and the subtle swing of your hips as you leant against the bar. His every sense swelled with desire to have, hold and showcase his pretty girl in front of this captain - her own attention fleeting as she held her undivided gaze on a member of her own crew. 
“Something on your mind, Red-Hair?” she asked him, watching intently as her first mate approached the bar beside you. Shanks was finally roused from his hold of contact on your back, to float to the man the captain beside him held her attention against. 
“Have you ever been in love?” Shanks uttered, smiling as he elevated his tankard to his lips. The woman beside him chuckled, looking down to her own drink and swirling her index finger over the rim.
“I am in love, Captain,” she confessed, claiming her glass in her hands with her fingertips gripping the rim; her index finger gesturing to the man beside you at the bar, “My first-mate and I have been in a relationship for quite some time. He continuously thinks himself unworthy of my affection, which is completely and utterly ridiculous.” 
“I completely understand,” Shanks said, his smile stretching over his lips and up to the peaks of his eyes, “My pretty girl is at the bar next to who I assume your first-mate be.” The captains both take a moment to watch their spouses ignore them, both engaging in polite conversation and clinking cups against one anothers. 
“They’ve been awfully quiet while we’re in our meeting, wouldn’t you say Shanks?” her brow quirked at her question. Shanks grunted out a small ‘aye’ in response, holding his eyes once more over you as you began to sway to the music swelling from the band in the corner. After a few moments of silence, both captains began to turn their smiles up into smirks as their eyes darkened. 
“A small amount of reminding them of their importance to us would be in order, do you agree?” her tone quirked at the corner alongside the elevation of her lips. Shanks huffed a laugh into the rim of his tankard, the playfulness returning to swirl with the darkness within his twinkling eyes. 
“Aye, that I can agree on,” he admitted with a small nod. The foreign captain’s first-mate glanced over his shoulder and their eyes finally met. The first-mate visibly shuddered beneath the woman’s gaze, anticipation wracking through his body at the promise of what’s to come. 
“It seems we have far more in common than we initially thought, Captain,” she nodded, rising to her feet and placing her empty glass on the table. “I shall see you in future, Red-Hair. May our newfound Nakama flourish.” Shanks nodded politely, watching the aura this captain seemed to hold over her crew. With a simple brush of her fingertips on the back of her first mate, his brows upturned and he obediently followed her exit through the threshold of the tavern door. 
And there you were: finally alone, isolated and waiting for him. 
You felt a firm hand clasp the back of your neck, tugging at the flesh and turning your head to face the presence behind you. Squeaking out a small whimper of shock, your lips met with your red-haired captain as he pressed a bruising kiss against your startled mouth.
His lips moved expertly, the hum of his voice pressed its rumbled vibration into your mouth. His brows furrowed in deep concentration, his nose sucking in an elongated breath. Rolling his tongue over his lips, he sought yours out and brushed the organ against it slowly and deliberately. 
Whistles, hollers, cheers and snickers from the Red-Hair pirates had Shanks smiling into the shameless kiss; the firm grip of his hand on the scruff of your neck rendering you helpless to do nothing but take the affection he was pressing against you. A sign of the promised punishment your present surliness held for you in your future. 
---------------------------------
The rough slaps and quickened snaps of your hips meeting with his echoed within the small room. You tried to halt your soft sobs and whimpers from overstimulation, eyes tightly shut and tears pricking at the corners as you rode him.  
"No," his voice commanded you softly. You felt his hand travel up from your thigh to rest on your face, thumb brushing against the apple of your cheek. 
Regardless of his verbal command, you continued your quickened pace: the heat of your walls sucking in his shaft at the same elevated rhythm you set earlier. 
He was yet to climax, and you had been at this for hours. He had your peak rise and fall for the upteenth time by his lips, tongue, thigh and fingers: each time, the lights dancing behind your eyes and the soft call of his name cried from your lips. 
You were desperate for him to cum. You wanted to have him share in the same bliss he had offered you so many times earlier today, the shoots of his seed buried deep within you with your name spilled as recklessly from his lips as yours did his. 
"No," he commanded once more, your relentless pace you set continued ceaselessly. You continued bouncing your body and sheathing yourself fully on his cock, feeling the twitch hitting against the top of your cervix. 
You knew he would cum like this, and you wanted him to feel his release just as he had you reach yours. You continued hastily riding him, him granting you a shuddered groan growling from between his clenched teeth. You felt him close, the small quiver of his cock depicting truly how thoroughly he was enjoying your hasty pace. Just as you felt him near his release, you expected him to fuck up into you, burying himself deeper and writhing beneath you as he came. 
Instead, his arm trailed down from your cheek, shoulder and hips: hooking around your body and holding you fully sheathed on his cock, halting your movement entirely. 
"P-Please," you whimpered, your pace fully halted by his firm arm. The twitch of his cock at your plea had you continue, "I-I-’s too much. W-Want you to feel good. P-Please Captain."
The twitch of his cock granted you the telltale sign that he halted his orgasm from shooting up into you. He lazily rolled his hips into yours, the grind of his pelvis meeting your clit and caused another cry from fleeing your lips. 
"You can take it," he whispered, rolling his hips against yours; his buried cock twitching once more, and stretching you deliciously. Your arousal coated his pubic hair and tops of his thighs, the wrap of his arm halting your every movement with the incredible strength he held you with. 
"Captain I-I-," you tried, Shanks halting your cry by sitting up while remaining still within you. You snapped your eyes open to meet his, the warm rust of his irises held a foreign emotion depicted behind them. One you had not seen for some time: overall unreadable, but not an unwelcome flavor painted on his face.
You knew you had been a tease to him earlier today. The swing of your hips, the twitch of your smirk and the looks you shot him over your shoulder were enough to warrant him clawing out climax after climax from you as punishment. Your surliness was his undoing: your refusal to acknowledge his eyes by meeting yours against them. 
As his eyes met yours now, and this new position held his cock buried deeper; his gaze no longer held that punishing brutality mixed playfulness he offered you earlier. This foreign expression you had yet seen depicted in his gaze, his words not speaking its unconfirmed intention. It was no longer the aggressive, lustful look he always threw at you during the bedroom hours, mixing with his boyish charm and humor. 
His eyes were dark, a hue of pink flushing his cheeks with a dusting of heat. Lips parted, eyes searching between yours as his breath caught in his throat. The closest you could place this expression was compared to ‘awe,’ but that was still not entirely correct. 
He began rocking you atop his lap, slow grinds of his pelvis and throbbing pulses from his cock bringing another pleasured whimper from your throat. He continued to hold your gaze, his lips parting as a slow groan fled his lips. The quiver of his jaw, the flutter of his eyelashes, and blown pupils darting its focus on your eyes held more emotion than you were used to seeing. 
"You can take it," he gasped again, "I know you can, pretty girl." You whimpered once more, feeling the slow rake of his cock pull itself out before burying it again deep within you. 
"Jus' want you to feel good. P-Please let me make you feel good," you cried once more, the swell of your exhausted tears within your eyes spurred Shanks' smile to rise against his lips. 
He halted his rocking all together, his forehead falling forward to meet against your collar bone. You cried out at his halt, desperately attempted to start your pace once more - his arm halting you by the sheer strength he held alone. 
"Just want you to cum. I’ll be so good. Please, Shanks. Please, please, please. Need it-... N-Need you-," your cries were answered by the surge of his hips and thighs propelling themselves forward, throwing your back to hit against the plush mattress. 
This small resurgence of his playfulness returning had your prior desperation for him morph into a laugh of joy - a sound mirrored by his own soft laugh. 
He propped himself up by his hand lying beside your head. As his cock slowly buried itself once more within you; mutual groans, mixed with laughter and sighs, joined together harmoniously. He sunk his weight onto your hips, his full weight halted it's descent by him angling down onto elbow beside your head. His hand began brushing your hair from your face, his playful smile never leaving his lips. 
He lunged forward, sheathing his cock completely within you and holding himself firmly there. 
His smile approached you, capturing your lips within his and brushing his tongue over your parted lips to brush against your own - his smile never leaving his lips. Pulling away his claim on your lips, he began slowly rocking his hips against yours, gasping at the feeling of your walls sucking him in further. 
"You're so desperate to feel me cum, love?" He asked you, the uptick of his voice and soft huff of laugh colliding with a sinful groan fleeing him, "You should've thought of that before behaving like a brat." 
You whimpered out a cry of bliss as his sheathed cock brushed with your g-spot, the slow, rhythmic slap of his hips colliding deeply with yours slowly echoing once more within the room. 
"No, love," he growled into your ear, successfully caging you beneath him with the hover of his body, "No. You don't get to feel me cum until I bring out another two from you. No cry of mercy or relentless fucking up into me will have me cum in you-." 
You cried as a particularly harsh snap of his hips had his weight topple down onto you. His pace quickened, the wind of the coil within your stomach began its tightening once more. 
The feel of being completely trapped beneath the weight of his body, the only movement breaking your entrapment away from his body was the small rise and fall of his hips harshly fucking into you slowly and deliberately. 
You groaned, arching your back and writhing as you felt your toes and fingertips begin to quiver at the approach of your climax. Shanks chuckled into your shoulder, his teeth slowly clamping down on the tender flesh and soothing over the bite with his tongue. 
"That's it, pretty girl," he complimented you, slowly picking up the pace of his thrusting, "You've finally realized, huh?" You whimpered, the depth of his cock brushing up against you and the pick up of his pace held your mind fuzzy and jaw slack.
"You're stuck," he growled against you, "And you're going to remain helpless and stuck through two more before I cum in you. Make no mistake, love-..." he continued to elevate his pace, the depth of his cock sinking into you brutally. 
"I will cum for you, pretty girl," his promise felt hot in your ear, scorching you as his gaze did earlier in the evening, "But not until I make you scream for me two more times."
You whimpered, the slow and deep pace he set now deliberately scraping against the tender spot within you. This new set of rhythm had your lips parting and walls condensing and squeezing against his cock. He huffed a small grunt against your ear, eyes rolling at the feeling. Wrapping your legs over his hips, you keened into his shoulder at the slow intwine of another elevation of your approaching climax. 
“There you go. Atta girl. I can feel how close you are,” He struck you with his cock, repetitively hitting the sensitive part by hooking his cock expertly within you, “C’mon now, pretty little thing. Let me hear you cry out for me.” You scrunch your eyes tightly shut, feeling the familiar buzz starting within your toes behind his back. 
Slowly pulling away his hips from your own, resheathing his cock back into you deliberately had your walls shifting and quivering for him as you cried his name through your bliss. He claimed another orgasm from you, the tears beginning to prick at the corners of your eyes by how tightly you clenched them shut. He pulled his face away from your shoulder, huffing in your ear before glancing at your face contorted in pleasure. 
“No, no, no, pretty girl. Open your eyes,” he slumped on his elbow, soothing over forehead and removing the hair stuck to your brow. You shook your head, physically unable to open your eyes as he shepherded you through your bliss. “Hey, hey. Open. Now.” You arched your back, your head falling away from his as you kept your eyes shut. 
“Alright then,” he uttered, feeling your high fall as you regained some semblance of your consciousness back through panting and deeply sighing. Your momentary calm was seized by the storm raging within Shanks, him unsheathing his cock from you and throwing you over his right shoulder and walking towards the tall mirror. The bob of his hard cock from each step he took had a proud smile on his face and a chuckle fleeing from his lips. 
Unceremoniously, he placed your feet back onto the ground, facing the mirror and lined his cock back up with your quivering and overstimulated hole. 
“This is what you get for being a brat and not listening, pretty girl,” he laughed into your shoulder, immediately surging forward and plunging his cock deep within you, “Keep your eyes open and watch.” 
He hooked his arm around your right hip, claiming your left hip bone beneath his palm and anchoring himself against you. Kicking your feet to part further, you had no choice but to watch his face contort within the metallic, silvery reflection as he fucked into you. The cries of your voice muffled as you took your bottom lip between your teeth.
“No. You let me hear you,” Shanks’ breathy voice whispered against your skin as he pressed his cheek against your shoulder blade. He scrunched his eyes closed and focussed on your gasps, cries and moans. You obediently unclenched your teeth from your lip, brows knitting as you whined his name repeatedly and ceaselessly. 
He groaned into your skin, baring his teeth down on your flesh to silence his own whimpered growls. The quiver of your walls sucking his cock within them had Shanks opening his eyes only to roll them back into his skull at the sensation. The grip on your hip bone held on firmer, his rhythmic thrusts and grinds becoming slopier, heavier and staggered. He was so close, closer than he would ever admit to you at this moment. 
Your abdomen began to burn beneath his bruising grip, the sensation of being trapped and helpless to him using your body in this way stoked the fires into a blaze of passionate release as he chased your climax. He held your body against his, the pick up of his rhythmic thrusting within the security of his arm had your lips parting. Your overstimulated and fucked-out expression within the mirror had Shanks chasing the spots that had you crying for him the loudest.
“Good job keeping your eyes open, pretty girl,” he praised you, his tone prompting a high whimper to pass from your parted lips. The slaps of slickened thighs and hips became louder and heavier; Shanks now opting to no longer pull all the way out of you while chasing his own high. His knob brushed its shined tip against the back of your quivering and tingling walls, your cervix being kissed with each deep thrust. You cried out for him, standing on the tops of your toes and arching your back for him to get a better angle with his cock sheathed within you.
“You better c-cum,” He stuttered against your shoulder. The hitch in his breath and the whimper within his tone alerted you that he was once again so close to his climax. He continued to chase your release, but was unable to fully tip you over the edge just like this. 
“Play with your clit,” he ordered you, watching you over your shoulder as your dominant hand sought your firm, leaking bud. “Th-That’s it-... nghm-... That’s my girl. Play with yourself while you take my cock. Little circles, pretty girl. Little circles while I fuck you through it.” You had no choice but to listen, your fingertips brushing with your aching clit while exhaustion overtook you. 
“Good girl,” he whined into your ear, his eyes meeting with yours while he watched you obediently play with your clit while he stuffed you roughly with his cock. Just his expression alone would’ve made you cum: his brows tilted up, pupils blown with list as his jaw hung slack. But the overstimulation was too much for you to continue. You whined, unable to push yourself over the edge for him as he requested you. 
“Don’t you dare stop,” he growled, watching as your hand began to halt its ministrations against your aching clit. “Make me proud, little thing. Cum on my cock and I’ll let you have mine. C’mon pretty girl. Cum on my cock again. J-Just like you did before. Cum for me, cum for me-.”
“A-Ah, Shanks!” you cried in bliss, his voice falling from your open mouth like a scream. Your arousal gushed around his cock as you came for him, your walls attempting to milk his cock of the precum he began to paint you with. 
“G-Good girl. Such a good girl,” he praised you, continuing his bruising pace while you watched him huff out his own cries of bliss, “Now you’ll get my cum. I-I’m-...mmff-... O-Oh, I’m cumming. I’m cumming for you. F-Fuck.” Ropes of his long withheld load splashed within you, the sheer force and amount prompting your shiny juices to pool down your legs as you both cried for one another. He roared your name, biting your shoulder with the clamp of his teeth over your flesh. 
As he rode you through your highs, tears began to pool down your cheeks at the sheer relief of earning his orgasm. You sobbed, body falling limp as he carried you back to the bed. He unsheathed his cock from you and caged you beneath his body, searching your face for any issue that ignited this release of emotion.
“Are you okay, love? Did I hurt you? What did I do?” he asked, wiping a tear with his thumb as you met his eyes with your own. You shook your head, angling your chin away from the brush of his thumb and pressing a small kiss against the pad of the shorter digit. He gasped, his boyish smile returning to his face while his eyes held that unfamiliar expression within them. He huffed out a breath, soothing over your hair as he whispered into your face.
“I am so in love with you, pretty girl. My pretty girl,” he confessed, closing his eyes and nudging your chin with his forehead. Your lips parted in shock, this being the first time either of you uttered the words remaining unspoken between you. You attempted to find the words to speak back to him, your voice cracking harshly from the amount of cries he pulled from you in your bliss.
“You don’t have to say it, love. I know, I know,” he confessed further, leaning up to press a firm kiss against your forehead. “You just lay back and relax while I clean up our mess, alright?” 
You weakly nodded, laying back completely against the mattress as exhaustion overcame your body. Sleep claimed you, soft and deep breaths propelling each moment for more rest to find you. 
As Shanks returned to your place on the bed, he sighed at the beautiful picture you made painted against his sheets. His pretty girl was all tired from the amount of times he made you cum, exhausted with the softest rise of heat within your cheeks. 
The next time you felt inadequate and undeserving of such treatment and attention, he would be so glad to provide you with the reminder of your importance in his life. He began to look forward to a longer and more worshipful way of showing you how much he truly loved you, and only you. 
He began cleaning up the mess he made of your bodies, maneuvering a warm cloth over every mark and splash of fluids and hungry kisses. He dried your body with a plush towel before tucking you into the bedsheets, crawling in them behind you and lacing his right arm over your hip and pulling you closer. 
“I love you,” he whispered against your neck, you stirring slightly within your slumber, “And I’ll happily remind you of how much I do any time you think I don’t.”
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fangswbenefits · 1 year ago
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The Arrangement (5) - Confrontation
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Summary: Living under the same roof as Astarion was proving to me more of a challenge than you had anticipated.
Pairing: Astarion x female!Tav
Warnings: Nightmare. Hurt/Comfort. Innuendo. Heavy use of sarcasm hahaha.
Word count: 4.4k
Previous chapter. Ao3. Series Masterlist
If anyone had suggested a few days ago that you'd find yourself living under the same roof as Astarion, you would have called them delusional and point them to the nearest infirmary for a mental check.
But the wheels of fate turned in mysterious ways, and a mere glance at the man sitting across from you was proof enough of that.
The flames swirling and crisping in the nearby fireplace cast the most delicate yellow and orange tint on his pale complexion as he flipped the pages of a book you had lent him.
You had tried to focus on your own reading, but you just couldn't help but to occasionally shift your gaze to him.
Gods… it was nigh criminal how handsome this man was.
It was as if he had been hand-carved by someone intended on wreaking havoc in the name of beauty.
And, as far as you were concerned, they had thoroughly succeeded.
Suddenly, he lifted his head and he met your gaze dead-on, unblinkingly.
So handsome…
A cold shiver ran up the back of your neck, but you found herself unable to look away. It was as if, in that moment, you had managed to block out everything around you but him. The longer you stared at him, the more acutely you felt detached from reality.
“May I kiss you?”
You blinked a few times. “What?”
His eyes narrowed, one eyebrow raised in sheer perplexity.
“No need to look so offended, darling,” he said with a scoff, rising from his seat and snatching the candle holder from the table to your right. “I was merely asking for this. I apologise if the request is out of the realm of your ‘one hundred good deeds I must perform before I perish’ list.”
You blinked again.
What?
You glanced around, but judging from the lack of reaction from both Gale and Shadowheart, you figured that maybe he hadn't actually asked to kiss you.
Great. Now I'm hallucinating…
He returned to his padded chair with a dramatic sigh. “Honestly, I've seen more light in the deepest corners of the Shadowlands.”
Maybe sleep deprivation was finally taking its toll on you, rendering you delirious.
Regardless, the illusion had been enough to flare your heart, and you hurriedly focused your attention on the book in your hands.
“I had quite forgotten how peacefully silent it can be without having you around, Astarion.” Shadowheart spoke as she tended to a few rolls of parchment and letters.
“Well, you can thank Wyll for that.”
She ignored him. “All you do is complain.”
You felt a storm brewing on the horizon as you lifted your eyes to glance at him.
Astarion let out a cynical laugh. “You're one to speak.”
Shadowheart was now scowling. Deeply.
“Besides, that is a rather disingenuous accusation. Want proof?” he asked, clearing his throat. “So, Gale - what are you reading that has you scribbling about like a mad man?”
The wizard snapped out of his nose-deep dive and brought his quill to a halt with a beaming smile. “Glad you ask, my friend. ‘A Visual Guide to Baldur's Gate's Exquisite Cuisine’. First edition. Hand-signed by the finest chefs in the city. What a marvel, indeed.”
As expected, Astarion looked as unimpressed as ever, but you interjected before he could mouth anything obtuse.
“That sounds rather exciting, Gale.”
He nodded eagerly. “A small guilty pleasure of mine, I must say. I'm taking down some notes, so that I can - hopefully - prepare some delectable dishes for us.”
Shadowheart's eyes remained fixed on Astarion as if awaiting for him to burst at any moment.
He exchanged a quick glance with you before muttering, “Unbelievable.”
“I think it's to be commended that he cares enough to try,” you said sweetly, earning a scornful glare from him. “I can't wait for you to showcase your abilities, Gale.”
“My sentiments exactly, dear friend.”
Astarion chuckled darkly. “‘Abilities’ as in setting the kitchen ablaze, or…”
You shot him a death glare.
He shrugged. “You two are a match made in the hells.”
This had you snap your book closed with a loud thud, eyeing him defiantly. “So what constitutes an engaging reading to you, Astarion? Murderous ploys?”
His lips curled into a devious smile. “Something along those lines. Although I do enjoy indulging in some debauchery from time to time.”
You weren't sure Gale would set the kitchen ablaze with his cooking skills, but Astarion's blunt and crass words sure did that to your cheeks.
Shadowheart scoffed.
“There are some interesting books in my collection,” he continued, clearly enjoying your loss of composure. “I will gladly lend you some… or maybe offer a guided tour through my favourite pieces?”
You needed to change the subject.
Fast.
You were most definitely fighting a losing battle.
This was Astarion's playground, and he would always come out victorious.
“Must you always resort to such vulgarity?” Shadowheart sneered, shaking her head in disapproval.
“I'm afraid the city is fresh out of those who know how to properly enjoy themselves, and we can't all be dullards, darling.”
You cleared your throat. “So, Gale… you're leaving for Waterdeep soon enough.”
He leaned back in his chair. “Yes. If all goes well, we shall have access to the Wish spell soon enough, my vampling friend.”
Astarion crossed his arms. “Finally some progress.”
“Maybe you should be more thankful.” You said with a frown.
“As should you,” he shot back. “No more need to offer your blood to me.”
Fair enough.
“Much to your disappointment, I imagine.” Shadowheart chimed in.
But before he could retort, you heard a rising commotion outside that only came to a halt as the front door burst open.
Lae'zel came through, carrying what appeared to be a very much deceased wild boar across her shoulders as if it was nothing more than a sack of feathers.
She kicked the door shut at once, nostrils flaring. “Tsk'va! What are those two doing outside?”
“House arrest.” Astarion informed.
Bringing the carcass to the kitchen table, Lae'zel locked eyes with you, visibly annoyed.
“I had plans to rescue you from that prison. And I would have had it my way had it not been for Gale and his… morals.”
Gale bolted from his seat, suddenly looking rather distressed. “Lae'zel, we've spoken about this before and agreed not to bring bleeding carcasses into our home.”
She glared at him. “You alone agreed to it - I had no part in it.”
He gave her an exasperated look, picking up a piece of cloth to wipe away the strands of blood that had begun to run along the wooden surface.
“If this falls on the carpet, it will be a nightmare to remove the stains.”
Astarion tutted. “Darling, that carpet is so hideous that being splattered with carrion blood would be a vast improvement.”
You rose to your feet, rushing to join Lae's zel, who quickly placed her hand on your shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.
Your lips tugged into a genuine smile.
To her, this was the equivalent of ‘I am glad you're safe and I care for you’ and it warmed your heart beyond measure.
Naturally, Astarion quickly joined your side, earning Lae'zel's disdainful gaze.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, it was a two-for-one type of deal, wasn't it?” Astarion mocked, turning to you. “Free one criminal and get two on house arrest.”
Unfortunately for Astarion, Lae'zel had little patience to entertain his sarcastic remarks and merely scoffed.
“I would have easily rescued from that prison, you know?” She gave your shoulder another squeeze and you nodded. “Those frail guards are no match for a githyanki.”
“On that much we can agree.” He mused.
She gave him a stern look. “I would have left you there.”
“We fought a giant brain, a scheming squid, and a whole parade of lunatics side by side, in case you've forgotten, my dear nest of vipers friend,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “Maybe you ought to show more gratitude.”
You expected her to snap at him, but she merely pressed her lips and gave him a nod.
That would be as far as she'd go, though.
“Well, as much as I enjoy this ‘family’ reunion, I'm off to my room,” Shadowheart said from a distance, already heading towards the staircase. “Please do not maim each other in my absence - there's only so much healing I can provide.”
You chuckled and she smiled warmly at you.
“Say, Lae'zel…” Astarion started, circling the boar with utmost interest. “I would hate for perfectly adequate blood to go to waste.”
The implication in his words wasn't subtle at all, and she groaned. “I thought you feeding on our friend was enough.”
Your stomach lurched violently.
He scoffed. “There is no such thing as ‘enough’ blood for a vampire. Besides, she's the main course… this would be more of an aperitif, if you will.”
Now, you felt positively sick to your core.
A wave of nausea and repulsion gripped you tight.
“It would be a mutually beneficial situation - I save Gale from a mental breakdown, sparing you tue ordeal, and I also get to quench my hunger.”
Gale grumbled something in agreement.
But you felt the sudden wish to be swallowed whole by some magical hole in the ground.
The way he referred to you as nothing more than food prompted a visceral reaction from you, and you feared you might empty the contents of your stomach from it alone.
“Um… I'll go get some sleep… I'm too tired,” you said dismissively, already pacing towards the corridor that led to your room. “Have a good night.”
Astarion called after you, but you didn't bother looking back.
But before you could turn the doorknob, you heard light steps approaching and firm fingers gripping your forearm.
Astarion.
His face was void of any amusement. “You're upset.”
You pulled free from his grasp. “A neat observation. No wonder you're such a skilled rogue.”
His brows furrowed lightly. “What's the matter?”
“It seems that I'm only worthy of your attention when it comes to you treating me as nothing but a meal, to hurl your sarcastic remarks at. Oh - and unless I'm on the verge of death,” you said, counting on each finger.
He seemed quite taken aback, his features twisting into a scowl. “You really adore selling yourself short, don't you?”
“You won't even deny it.”
“Then what sort of attention do you want from me?” He asked, taking a step closer, the sudden proximity catching you off-guard. “Do enlighten me.”
You glared at him in silence for a moment, vaguely wondering how the two of you had gotten to this point in your relationship, where everything seemed so… off.
Astarion was standing in front of you, but it wasn't truly him.
He was there, but not really.
He seemed so detached from the Astarion you had fallen for, and a part of you loathed that you had allowed yourself to get so attached to him in the first place.
Eventually, you heaved a deep sigh as he awaited your reply. “The sort of attention I don't have to beg for.”
His face softened briefly and he parted his lips only to press them close together again as if he had decided against speaking.
Right.
You swallowed hard. “Have a good night.”
The hopeful part of you half-expected him to stop you from walking away as you closed the door behind you, but he did no such thing.
You pressed your back against it, taking a deep breath, feeling as if you had just lost something.
Had you been too dramatic?
Did it even matter at this point?
Maybe it was better off this way.
You moved to scrub your face clean in the washbasin, preparing yourself to get some rest before the morning came.
Whatever was of your relationship with Astarion would have to wait for you to be able to think more clearer.
Slipping into your nightdress, you allowed yourself to fall on your bed and onto your stomach with a muffled thud, wanting to do nothing more than to scream into the covers, but remained still instead.
After what felt like hours of restlessly rolling beneath the sheets, you felt your mind lighten and were able to find solace in the peace and quiet.
That was until you heard a distant voice.
A woman's voice.
Her voice.
“Go on. Bleed her dry for me…”
You felt the mattress dip slightly and your eyes snapped open only to find Astarion baring his fangs.
And then he was on you, pinning you frozen with both hands.
“No - stop! Get off!”
He didn't hold back and you felt a familiar sting tear through your neck, his cold lips sprawling across your skin.
“She's so pathetic. Just kill her. Put her out of her misery.”
“Get off!” You cried out, feeling his weight pinning you down.
He didn't waver and you felt your blood being drained from you alarmingly fast as you tried your best to yank free from his vicious grip.
You were going to die.
He was going to kill you.
“Stop! Please - Astarion!”
Something was squeezing your shoulder and you tried to squirm away from the increasing pressure.
You felt him chuckle in amusement against your skin and that was what killed you first.
“ASTARION!”
The grip on you kept on increasing and you realised someone was shaking you.
“Wake up.”
How was he speaking whilst fiercely feeding on you?
Were you already dead?
Your cries turned into uncontrollable sobs and you felt like breathing was no longer an option.
“Wake up!”
The shove against your shoulder was too fierce this time, and you jolted violently, feeling the pressure on top of you only faintly ease.
“Get the fuck off me!”
You tried to conjure a spell - any spell - that might help you set yourself free.
He called out your name and your eyes snapped open at once, only to see Astarion hovering over you, hand now pressed firmly against your lips, muffling your sobs.
Bergamot.
Rosemary.
Aged brandy.
It was him.
He was there.
The nightmare faded with each passing second, and, for the longest time, all you could hear were your laboured breaths as you struggled to step into reality.
Your eyes were blurred from the tears welling up, and you watched his lips part to utter something, but the pounding in your ears prevented you from understanding a single word.
He eventually dropped the hand from your mouth, staring at you with an understanding look on his face.
“You're safe."
For a split second, you wondered if this was truly your Astarion, and once you asserted that it was truly him sitting beside you, you pushed yourself from the mattress, looping your arms around his neck.
He took you in his arms, gently pressing his lips to your temple.
“You're safe. I'm here and I've got you."
You couldn't stop the tears from streaming down as you pressed your face to his shoulder, seeking any sliver of comfort he could spare you.
The door to your room burst open.
“What happened? What did you do?”
Shadowheart's accusatory tone ground on your already fragile nerves.
“She was having a nightmare.”
His cool hand came to the back of your head, further pressing you into him.
“Oh. Another one…”
You felt your heartbeat soothe and your breathing gradually even out.
But his embrace felt too much like coming home for you to part from him, so you didn't, allowing him to rock you gently in his arms.
“It's become more frequent as of late.” She said with a hint of sadness to her voice.
Astarion kept his lips pressed to your temple, grounding you.
You eventually pulled back from him with a loud sniffle. “I'm fine. I am sorry I worried you…”
Shadowheart approached you, kindness on her face. “Nonsense. I am here for you - we are here for you,” she added, glancing at Astarion. “Always.”
“I'll just try to get some rest… you two may go…” you stammered in between a few sobs.
Shadowheart didn't move and neither did Astarion.
You rubbed your puffy and wet eyes. “I mean it. It will be fine.”
“Very well,” Shadowheart drawled out reluctantly. “But please let me know if there is anything I can help with.”
You gave her a reassuring nod paired with a comforting smile.
She returned the gesture and excused herself, clicking the door shut behind her.
Your gaze shifted to him. “You can leave, too.”?
He scoffed. “No.”
“What?”
“You'll have to stake me.”
You were utterly confused by his perseverance.
“I am fine, Astarion. I am thankful for your help, but… you don't have to stay.”
He nodded. “I don't have to, but I want to.”
Your heart clenched tightly in your chest.
And then your eyes fell to his shoulder.
“Oh, my…” you winced at the sight of the soppy fabric of his shirt. “I'm sorry for that…”
He looked confused at first, but followed your line of sight and smiled. “Was this an excuse to get me out of my shirt?”
His playful jab immediately had you chuckle, rolling your eyes at him.
“Not to mention that I've been covered in all sorts of your bodily fluids,” he went on, earning a surprised glare from you. “This might be my…” he paused brielfy, as if evaluating his options. “Ah - my third favourite, yes.”
You should have known better than to take the evident glare, but you could really use the distraction.
“What are the first two, then?”
You hadn't even realised your nightdress had come undone at the front until he reached out to pull back the sleeve that had slid down your arm.
Glancing down, you couldn't help the rush of heat on your cheeks as your breasts were barely covered at all.
“Blood, naturally,” he said in a low voice, tying each set of strings with unmatched dexterity, keeping your modesty preserved. “And your-”
But before he could reply, you quickly pressed your forefinger to his lips, eyes widening as you felt him smile under your touch and pressing a soft kiss.
You felt as though you might implode.
His hands moved up your chest, tying up the last knots.
“There - all neatly wrapped up like a nice little gift.” He said, amusement coating his words.
He was too good at getting under your skin.
More than you were willing to admit, especially out loud.
“Thank you for making me laugh.” You said truthfully, pushing aside how he had so easily made you feel all heated up.
“I aim to please.”
His words hit you like a thousand knives.
“You're more than that…” You said, wanting to reassure him that he didn't need to resort to honeyed words and calculated moves to create a meaningful connection with someone.
But your statement had the opposite effect, and he frowned slightly.
“Don't. Do not start…”
You swallowed and nodded in understanding. “I didn't mean to offend.”
He shook his head, adjusting the fabric of your nightdress over your shoulders. “You didn't. I merely do not wish to make this about me.”
You were slightly taken aback.
“I know all too well the burden of nightmares,” he explained. “Even if elves don't indulge in conventional sleep, we are still prone to nightmares when we trance.”
Oh.
“And I would hate for you to be plagued like that.”
You lowered your gaze, feeling extremely exposed all of a sudden.
“So tell me, darling, when did these start?” He asked, shifting closer to you. “And why were you screaming my name?”
You felt a lump swell in your throat.
He placed his finger under your chin, and pressed upwards until your eyes met his.
“What haunts you?”
You.
“Can we just… not…” You asked, already feeling tears prickling in the corners of your eyes.
Reason told you that a heartfelt conversation with Astarion was long overdue, but you didn't feel ready.
You still felt too startled and too vulnerable.
He had hurt you in more ways than one, even if unconsciously done at times.
“We don't have to talk about it.”
You nodded, a few tears rolling down. “Thank you.”
“We can push all of that aside, even if just for tonight.”
Your heart hammered fast inside you.
He then cradled your face in his hands, leaning in to press his lips to each cheek, kissing your tears away.
Your eyes fluttered shut as he trailed down, inching closer to your lips.
A shudder coursed throughout your entire body, barely able to contain the anticipation.
Please kiss me…
His thumbs rubbed slow circles on your flushed cheeks and your lips parted as his ghosted yours.
Astarion…
Almost there.
You could almost taste him.
Your hands came to grip his wrists tightly, silently urging him to take you.
Please… please…
As your heart thudded faster and faster, you gasped when he quickly kissed the tip of your nose before pressing his lips to your forehead.
You couldn't deny the overwhelming wave of disappointment that washed over you, even if, deep down, you realised it was probably the best course of action, considering how vulnerable you still felt from the nightmare.
A few more tears spilled over, which he quickly brushed away before pulling back.
“I can stay until you fall asleep.”
Your heart dropped.
Everything was conditional with him.
It was always meant to come to an end, eventually.
He would stay with you… but only until you drifted off to another nightmare, perhaps.
It was as if he couldn't simply stay with you.
You shook your head with a sniffle, letting go of him. “No. You can go… but thank you for this.”
“I can stay.”
“... until I fall asleep.” You finished his sentence.
He nodded, eyes locking with yours. “Or for as long as you need me.”
You felt ridiculous from the way your heart immediately skipped a beat.
“Will you hug me?”
He shifted back against the headboard and sprawled his arms out to you with a sly grin. “Come here, darling.”
For a brief moment, you saw your Astarion again.
Open and caring.
You scooted over to rest your body against his, smiling softly as he placed his arm around you, trailing absent-minded caresses along your arm.
His coldness felt comfortable even in the dead of night, and you wrapped your arm around his torso, enjoying the silence.
“Am I too cold?”
You're perfect.
You shook your head vehemently.
But he still reached out to grab the blanket at your feet, draping over your frame.
“You are shivering, you fool.” He whispered and you could hear the smile in his remark.
You snuggled up against him, wishing you could freeze this moment in time.
Slowly but surely, and lulled by his caresses, you felt exhaustion take over, your eyelids feeling progressively heavier.
Maybe this was all a dream.
Maybe you'd wake up only to find that this had never happened.
That you hadn't felt your Astarion once again.
His chin was resting atop your head and your heart skipped yet another beat.
“Astarion?”
“Hmm?”
“What happened to us…”
The hand on your arm stilled for a moment and he hushed you. “Just rest.”
Your eyelids did feel heavy, and you could recognise your own brain fighting away your sleep, but you still wanted to know.
You needed to know what had gone so terribly wrong.
Especially when the man holding you in his arms had just provided immeasurable comfort.
“I miss you… us…” You heard yourself mumble under your breath.
He did utter something unintelligible, but you were far too exhausted to ask for a repeat.
Your warm body slumped against his cold one as he lulled you into sleep with the rhythmic caresses on your back.
It seemed that this time, your nightmare had started and ended with him.
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Morning came and he was gone.
Of course he was.
Even with your windows barred from the sun, he had still chosen to leave.
He had tucked you under the bedsheets and warm blankets.
You had nearly forgotten what a good night of sleep was ever since the nightmares had taken root in your mind.
His scent lingered all around you and it was impossible to escape it.
You eventually pushed yourself up to sit in silence, going over the events of a couple of hours ago.
Why did he always leave in the end?
Why couldn't you just bring yourself to move on from him?
You could have taken the time to open up to him about how you felt, but you were so afraid to push him away.
He had his own vulnerabilities and he didn't need yours weighing him down, too.
You lazily scrambled out of bed, slipping into your robe, ready for a new day.
As you made your way down the corridor, you began to hear heated voices coming from the kitchen.
“Must we all live in darkness because of you?”
You found Astarion sitting by the table, seemingly unbothered by Lae'zel's snarky remarks, the room plunged in darkness, keeping the scorching sun at bay.
“Oh please, feel free to address your complaints to the Grand Duke.”
Gale saw you first and offered a warm smile. “How are you feeling, my friend?”
You hugged yourself, forcing a smile. “I am well, thank you.”
Astarion turned his head to you, annoyance giving way to a sliver of concern. “Did you manage to get some rest?”
You nodded, your heart immediately reacting to his presence.
“Shall I brew some chamomile tea?” Gale offered eagerly, moving about the kitchen to gather the supplies.
“Thank you,” you said, glancing around. “Where is Shadowheart?”
“She headed out to the apothecary,” Gale said, placing the kettle by the fireplace. “She's keen on helping you out with these nightmares.”
Guilt hit you.
Of course she had.
Shadowheart had held your hand through so many perils, yet you couldn't help but to feel guilty that she was searching for help when the solution to your problem was right in front of you.
And he kept glaring at you, as if studying your every move.
A soft knock on the front door snapped you from your thoughts, and you went to push it open, revealing the visitor.
No.
No fucking way.
You immediately slammed the door shut, feeling rage swirl inside you.
“Who is it?” Gale asked.
“No one.”
Then your gaze met Astarion's whose eyebrow was arched in confusion.
“That is no way to treat a guest.” The woman outside chirped happily.
Ava.
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Next chapter: Broken - November 26
Series Masterlist . I don't keep taglists, so feel to follow this story on Ao3 🩷
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chimerical-daydreams · 1 month ago
Note
is the king's name still just "king" in this au? if so, where/how/why did he get that name?
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Yup, King is still called King here.
The short answer as to why is because he's an rpg protagonist.
The long answer is multifaceted. An aspect of King's character I don't touch on much is that he wants to make the world a better place. He loves life, and people, and desperately wants to spread joy and happiness to everyone everywhere. Waking up with no name, no memory and no possessions, and being welcomed with open arms? Being fed and dressed by people who expect nothing in return from this total stranger? He wants to help them back, to repay them in kind, to be a figure of comfort for everyone he meets.
All of the above, mixed with King's love for great epics and fantasy and adventure, plus the fact that he thinks he's the center of a fantasy tale (a stranger from a far away land, followed by a supernatural guide, go on a long quest across a beautiful country to uncover hidden secrets of reality, helping everyone along the way), and his fear of being forgotten leading to wanting to be remembered for his great deeds, all culminate in him choosing to be called King.
(Actually, while he was brainstorming names, he suggested "Hero" first, but Loop's deadpan expression made him reconsider).
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lovelykhaleesiii · 1 year ago
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ok but chubby!Aeg with a new wife reader and him just fucking her constantly with a breeding kink and barely letting her out of his chambers until his family finds her would be incredible...
And good luck with your period beautiful, it seems I'm headed there as well
sorry for the delayed response lovely, hope you are better now xox this ask is delicious, thank you for sending it in! any type of Aeg with a breeding kink is something else...
Duty to the Realm.
PAIRING: chubby!King!Aegon ii Targaryen x Queen!fem!Reader
WORDS: 3,522.
WARNINGS: arranged marriage, breeding kink, lactation kink, pregnancy kink, slightly cruel!Aegon ii, female receiving (f*ingering), edging, overstimulation, creampie, cockwarming, swearing, posessive!Aegon, p in v sexual intercourse, mentions of pregnancy/birth.
A/N - I may have gotten carried away a little bit, but that's okay. shoutout for my bitchass anon, that seems to be OBSESSED with me, enjoy reading and hating on this asshole.
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​​The marital duty expected of the woman to the man was one of a common, natural phenomena, that many in the realm would often not bat an eye to, yet one that held great anticipation for you, in your case. Particularly considering, your lawful husband was no other than the sole King of the Seven Kingdoms. An heir was the ultimate and primary responsibility, expected of you both to fulfil. A royal decree and order of the Faith.
He was to bed you as much as it pleased your Sire, as you were to carry and birth as many lively heirs as possible, blessed as the Gods saw fit. Your anointed Septas had spoken to you countlessly to this coming night, and your dearest mother before her untimely passing: all reinstating the other, that childbirth was no easy game. A duty of womankind and also an honour. To be blessed by the Mother herself, with the gift to carry and birth healthily.
Nonetheless, arrangements made, your House meticulously selected, as your husband to be, Aegon the Second of his name, had been thoroughly consulted by his liege council, thought that the most viable candidate to bear the shared responsibility of carrying out the infamous Targaryen dynasty, was you. Now that the Dance had come to its long-awaited end, Aegon the ultimate successor, reparations needed to be made and lines secured for the generations forthcoming.
The wedding was a swift and grandiose occasion: rich food and wine, opulent gifts and crowds [many faces unfamiliar to yourself] gathered in abundance, the union was legitimised by the Faith of the Seven, binded by law. Aegon scarcely spoke to you during the special occasion besides catching his lingering, lilac eyes fleeting over towards you. Strangely you had also noticed, Aegon would not allow for you to speak for yourself. Often promptly intercepting, answering general questions and well wishes on your behalf, before a peep escaped your reddened lips: you found it odd and somewhat harrowing.
It was an ambivalent feeling, as though Aegon acknowledged your physical presence, yet refused to grant you the privilege to speak nor appreciate you? You felt trivial against his stance, nothing more than a vessel at his complete disposal. You came to the haste, haunting conclusion of neglect... "Aegon does not love me."
Aegon took you to bed that dreadful night, ruling against his Council for a meek audience to be present. He vowed a promise, his lingering words "the deed will be done" remained echoing in your thoughtlessly numb mind.  The door locked as Aegon saw to it himself, no words spared other than fleeting glances, as he took a swift swing of his Dornish wine that accompanied him, as he departed from the feast with you. Observing Aegon this near, his authority in the realm, was not the only quality in him that held a substantially formidable presence...
Unlike his younger brothers, Aegon was fuller in size. His stocky thighs and legs accentuated in size by the tightly fitted breeches, was accompanied by a portly round stomach that looked tense and swollen from the delectable wedding feast and drinking. Not that you had much of an appetite that evening, however, Aegon did not halt when a full serving was laid in front of him, nor the seconds that he demanded for, or a slice of the exquisite cake. One thing you had noticed tonight that you had never heard of before, was that Aegon had an impressive appetite. Whether it was from the nerves of having to bed a woman he scarcely knew, or the undeniable, looming fear of failing to provide an heir, he ate intensely and seemed to enjoy himself rather. The way he'd savour his last few bites, eyes rolling back in satisfaction, how he did not shy away from sculling two full pitchers worth of wine [yet remained stable on his feet and wickedly alert]. Although, a strange, yearning sensation began to churn below, a dull ache growing stronger right between your inner thighs, as you fleetingly observed Aegon's large hand tenderly palming over his distended belly. Close enough in his proximity, you heard an occasional low belch escape from Aegon's plump, greasy lips, poorly attempting to muffle his discomfort with a tight fist over his mouth.
Now in the privacy of your shared, royal chambers, his arms looked strong and sturdy: the flesh of his fingers pooling tightly around his precious rings. Although his face was wildly handsome as most Targaryen men beared celestial-like attributes, history would tell. The ruggedness remaining evident from blatant, healing scars strewed across the side of his cheek and forehead, proof of the recent battles he had bravely fought and won, did not hinder your undeniable attraction towards him. And yet, there was also a softness to his features, the flesh of his jaw ample and blurred, his cheeks plump.
You prayed in that very moment, that Aegon was just as pleased about you, as you were with him.
Undressing himself off his fine fabrics, lashing the pieces onto the floor as though they cost nothing, your tense body froze completely, as Aegon took slow strides towards you. Only inches apart, his rough hands snaking their way behind your illustrious gown, untying the strings effortlessly, as though this was not the first time he had bedded a woman.
"You know what is expected of you," Aegon firmly uttered, his tone unfaltering and deep, you felt your body grow rigid, as his rough hands met your bare skin, the gown loosely falling off your body.
Your naked body rigid, and mind frail, you could not muster the valour to respond timely, seemingly infuriating Aegon.
"Speak woman, use your words for me."
Feeling his thumb simultaneously flicking at your sensitive, perked nipple, sent shivers down your spine, his fierce, glowing eyes cursing from your breasts to your timid face.
"Y-Yes, my dear," You delicately stuttered, your sullen breath hitching in your throat, as you tried to focus solely on fixating your gaze on Aegon and not daring to look to the ground.
"Hmm, therefore you realise what is expected of me, yes? As your dutiful husband and as the King of the Seven Kingdoms, you understand what I must do to you, yes?"
Aegon's hand that was previously occupied playfully kneading and teasing your breast, now sneaked below to your waist, along with his other, his fingertips firmly tightening around the curves for your hips. His head tilted down, lowering his taller height to meet yours, as his lips found their way melting over your flushed skin.
"Y-Yes my King. Y-Yes, Aegon. A child I must bear, an heir... As many heirs as you see fit my King, I will do as you ask, as you please."
A low growl etched from Aegon's throat, animalistic even, as they momentarily broke free from you, as his thumb now gently grazing over your blush cheek and shut lips.
"Together we share this burden, but rest assured, my dear. I will do everything in my power to ensure the Kingdom has an heir. If that means fucking you day and night, sealing you in this room and chaining you to this bed then so be it. Till your dripping proudly of my seed until you take. Not until I see your belly swell greatly with my babe growing inside, may I let you roam the halls freely once more. Understood?"
"Understood."
That night Aegon took you to bed with caution and great intent. He was effortless in handling you, guiding and adjusting your body according to his positions, lifting and carrying you as though you weighed nothing more than a feather. Kissing you abundantly and with passion, often suckling at your tender flesh around your neck and breasts, you felt the spots that he had latched onto growing sore. His eager mouth occupied, his free hand found its way to your cunt, now moist with excitement, throbbing for something more. He remained generous, inserting two of his longest, thick digits inside, pumping himself in a steady, slow pace, feeling your keen walls stretching mildly, clenching around the base of his knuckles, the deeper he plunged himself in. With each helpless moan that slipped from your mouth that he earned, the deeper he shoved himself in, feeling a slick smirk spread against your neck.
"That's it, my love. You don’t even need to tell me just how bad you need your King to fuck you, I can practically feel your body begging for me, baby."
Countless more breathless moans escaped your lips that you'd desperately bit shut, that you could no longer resist. The silent void of the room gradually filling with the natural sounds of lust, as you stuttered and whimpered your King's name aloud.
"Ugh- A-Aeg. I need my King n-now. I w-want my Aeg-"
"Fuck-" Aegon spat, his teeth softly biting down on the ample flesh of your breast, tugging at your tender skin, causing a sharp jolt of pain to shock you, before letting loose. All the while unknowing to you, your Grace had a third digit inserted deep within your walls, his fist now coated in your pooling wetness, oozing between the gaps of your entrance, as his pace had hasten, his thick fingers deeply inside pumping and pushing against the natural tightness of your enclosure. The strange, dense weight and friction of his fingertips rousing against your sensitive clit.
"That's right. Warming you up so, yet it seemed you were already a soaking mess for me, my love.”
Muffled moans as you weakly attempted to fight the urge to scream and beg for more. Aegon's wicked fingers inside, tormenting you as he quickened his pace and the ferocity of his motion. Your back arching lusciously, as your hips bucked upwards and back again, motioning for more.
"Think you are ready for me, baby? Think you are ready to take my cock, till I fuck you full of my hot seed. Are you ready to be a mother?"
"Y-Yes, Aeg!" You breathlessly yelp, your hands having instinctively found their way to his platinum locks, the mottled strands caught in your fingers, as you grasped and pulled at his roots. As your arms outstretched below your sides, your breasts naturally shoved and pressed together in unison, accentuating your obvious cleavage more so, that Aegon helplessly found himself tempted. Only a second bypassed, before the bulky King found himself crawling further up atop your yielding body, with great effort, huffing and puffing as he subtly caught his breath, before burying his handsome face between, suckling at your hard, perky nipples. His heavy, round belly laid sprawled against your own abdomen, feeling his clothed, rigid cock beneath his tight pants, the tense bulge probing at your inner thigh walls.
"Soon these will be greatly full of the Mother's blessed milk, and I will relish myself with the spoils of my babe growing inside. Knowing that it was all my undoing, that made you so. Gods be good, they will be full enough, practically leaking from the vast supply. Our babes will be well fed, and I, too, hmm."
"A-Aeg, I need you. F-Fuck a babe into me, a-and I shall feed and fuck you, a-as you please."
"Mhmm, my good, pretty wife. Already at my mercy-"
Feeling the rush movements of Aegon's free hand below [as the other remained steadying himself], you had no sense of what was occurring below, nor could you see, as his stout belly blocked your view. Yet the sudden, grazing sensation of his moist, hard cock teasing at the entrance of your wet, throbbing folds, you could bear it no more.
"You promise you can take me, baby? Show me how well of an obedient wife you can be, just as much of a pretty one you are."
No warning and no remorse, Aegon shoved his thick, stiff cock into your aching, tight cunt. Despite Aegon's perilous efforts of 'warming you up', nothing amounted to the concoction of sheer ecstasy and pain that coarsed through your veins, as your King's cock, stretched you out, pushing your limits beyond comfort. And yet, you could feel the familiar, dull throbbing sensation growing more palpable by the second: desperately trying to clench around the girth of his fat, bulky circumference, your nails digging into the plump adipose flesh of his broad shoulders and back, as you remained stagnant and tense around him.
"That's it, baby- Fuck. D-Doing so, so well for me. I can just fucking feel how tight you really are around me, fuck! L-Let me just break into you, easy, easy now-"
Moaning cries and whimpers filled Aegon's ears, yet he remained focused. His pace although messy and sloppy was steady, slowly slowly, thrusting himself as equipped as his larger frame would allow him, his solid weight weighing him down against you, you move no further than squirm with remaining, great effort. Feeling his pulsating cock inside, striking adamantly against your cervix, and the pressure of his swollen, distended gut, pressing from above, with each passing second as you felt an immense, stimulating arousal brewing from below. The fierce, physical tensity of Aegon's size inside and out, was invigorating, as your body obediently attempted to adjust to your husband's size.
"Good-Good wife. That's it, baby, I'm going to cum any second now. Fuck this pretty, tight cunt of yours was needy for her King to spoil. I can feel how desperate you are for my babe, huh?"
"Y-Yes, Aeg-"
"I'm going to keep you locked up, all for myself. Till I can fuck as many heirs as I see fit. U-Until this entire quarter is full of our babes, till the realm can hear their cries. You and this tight cunt of yours are not leaving. Not until I'm fucking satisfied. All mine, now."
"Of-Of course, my King-"
"Fuck, Y/N, was I right about you, huh? Obedient from the start, you greedy, little brat, you wanted this just as much as I. Could you imagine yourself as I did, only full of my royal seed, only you worthy to take me."
"O-Only me. M-Made just for you, Aeg, as the Gods deemed it."
"No, woman. I deemed it. I made the decision. I wanted you. O-Only this cunt to take my seed, these hips to grow wide for the birth, and this belly to swell proudly. Till I see these tits leak and you waddling around, begging me to hold and carry you, this was all my undoing from the start. I am the King, the closest thing to the Gods, and farthest from men."
"Th-Then I am eternally at your mercy and will. M-My beloved-"
As you felt the tense excitement sparking below, the invigorating relief as your wetness had reached a peaking climax, the shudder of chills that echoed through your body, the momentum evaporated, as you twitched and felt feeble against Aegon’s sturdy build. Your wetness drenching his cock, as it once more, oozed heavily against your folds and inner thighs. Aegon's immediate, instinctive release adjunct to your own, earned a mouthful of deep, growling moans and breathless swears from the King himself in relief. His hot, ample seed shot through inside, painting your inner walls, as you felt his body weight drop even more against you, all energy exerted.
Shifting himself to your side, as to not suffocate you against his bulky frame, embracing your flustered, exhausted self in his strong arms, his twitching, thick cock, however remained buried inside.
"Tonight we shall remain united as man and woman, like so. Heed my words earnestly, Y/N. Until I see this belly grow round and full, you will stay in this chamber, until I say otherwise. You obey no other orders unless directly from me, understood? I will send maids to help you, you will not lift a single finger so long as you are my wife. You answer to no one but me.”’
Feeling your nod against his plump, meaty chest. Aegon’s hands found their way to your unkempt, loose hair. Brushing the strands off your sweaty, blush face. Although his words were stern and mildly threatening, his actions remained tender.
“B-But what if the Gods do not see me fit to mother your heirs? W-what if I am… What if I am barren, my King?”
Aegon’s silence was eerily unnerving, although his breath did not hitch in shock of your sudden question, his breathing now regained to stability, remained unfaltering as he contemplated.
“You are my wife, the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. If anyone wishes to question your purpose in my life, regardless of whom, will answer to me… The King. And they will anguish as I see fit.”
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The bright days and chill nights had passed since the wedding night. Aegon, committed to his promise, whenever his duty fulfilled and time free, he would return to you, only to embrace you, love you and fuck you. Proudly filling you day and night full of a fresh batch of his seed, despite practically still being a drenching mess from when he had last left you. Servants attended to your every need: when he felt he had you exhausted, pushed to your limits, your body delicate and tiresome eyes drifting off to a deep slumber. He would let you be, only sharing close proximity as he embraced you cozily. He ordered the chefs to have your supper and meals sent piping hot, in a timely manner and occasionally found himself joining you in attendance, than his own family feasts. A table set up for the both of you, an intimate quiet dinner between a husband and his wife. He much preferred your company, anyways.
His family, more often the Dowager Queen and Hand, himself, promptly questioned Aegon regarding your whereabouts, he would disclose to you.
“At one point my dear mother had feared you’d run away,” Aegon chuckled, as he scoffed a piece of his roast down, followed by a scull of his wine.
“And what if I had? Would you let me be, or have Ser Arryk sent out to seek me out, dear husband?”
Aegon’s familiar eyes flashed towards you instantly, although the longing, tender look was replaced with a cold, menacing pierce.
“Go against this union, means you go against my decision… The decision of your King. I would send out a whole battalion if need be, and when I have you in my grasp, I will rid you of this luxury and see to it that I lock you up in one of the cells below the Red Keep. Fuck you like a common whore, and summon you like a predator to its prey. Until I’m certain you’ve learnt your lesson… Now are you still tempted to run?”
Shaking your head promptly, Aegon’s half-hearted smirk was enough to ease the tension. With all the intimacy involved, you had both gradually become quite comfortable with one another, enough to speak your minds, as Aegon often urged from you on your behalf. Although, only between you two. He firmly ordered for servants and guards alike, to be absent during your shared moments, in an attempt to ease you into speaking with confidentiality and also, to avoid whispers being spread. After the Dance, Aegon was often sceptical of people’s intentions, considering all the treachery he’d been exposed to during the early years of his reign.
Regardless, it was Aegon who was the first to notice subtle changes, only adding it all up when you had meekly disclosed to him that you had not bled in the past two months. Immediately he sought a guard to fetch for the maester and soon enough, his long-awaited wishes had been confirmed.
Aegon often watched over you more intensely now, his eyes ogling over your swelling belly, how the waistline of your gown had grown slightly tighter around your stomach, and your breasts looking fuller, more sensitive under his teasing touch. Relieved, however it was far from the end for Aegon... The King himself, had become even more brutally protective over you, and the babe inside, still adamant on keeping you confined, rested and guarded.
"No harm will come towards you or the babe, so long as I breathe and rule."
He even had Sunfyre tenaciously fly above your tower, granting him peace of mind that no threat could overpower the fury of a dragon.
Nonetheless, the Gods had blessed you to full term, and a healthy babe was born. A son, a true embodiment of the Targaryen dynasty, and the rightful heir to the Seven Kingdoms. Aegon was beyond sated that you and the babe had recovered from the gruelling nature of birth, and seldom to his words, he allowed you free to roam, with the newborn warmly nestled in your arms, and Aegon relentlessly by your side. That was until, the King felt the desire for yet another heir to be proclaimed."Need I remind you of our wedding night, my beloved... You promised your King as many heirs. It is only natural as a true-born Targaryen, that I take what is mine."
general taglist - @evenstaris @bel-bottoms @fan-goddess @malfoytargaryen @ilikeitbetterangsty @bibli0thecary @m1ndbrand @connorsui @elegantsplendour @randomdragonfires @sylas-the-grim @arcielee @s-we-e-t-t-ea @sahvlren @aemondtargaryensrider @watercolorskyy
Aegon ii taglist - @who-told-you-this-was-butter @f4ll-for-you @amiraisgoingthruit @bucknastysbabe
credit for divider - @/babesindestroyland
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partfae · 29 days ago
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Sauron, Galadriel, & Tolkien's Theology of Repentance - Part One
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Summary: Character meta analysis on Sauron (and Galadriel, through the lens of Sauron). Based on both Silmarillion & RoP canon. 3.5k words. Discussion of Catholic theology involved. Blanket TW for discussion of violence, manipulation, etc., because Sauron. Spoilers for S1 & S2 and the Silmarillion, of course. The tragedy of Sauron is that he gets offered so many legitimate chances at redemption and forgiveness, and he denies them every single time. But we know he wants absolution, because that’s what he sees Galadriel as: his chance to bind himself back to the light, to be Mairon again, to heal the pain that he caused and that was caused to him under Morgoth. But because he has such a warped view of himself and his actions, he dismisses genuine extensions of compassion, forgiveness, and care as simultaneously beneath him and too good for him. And yet, he still pursues redemption, but through none of the channels offered to him.
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In The Rings of Power, he’s given the explicit instruction to change for the good in the village after he’s reborn. He’s given the chance leave his past behind and work meaningfully in Númenor. He’s given the chance to redeem himself by Galadriel's offer of friendship (or love, depending on your interpretation). In the Silmarillion, he's even given the chance by Eönwë himself, and comes close to leaving Morgoth behind completely!
Let's look at this passage from Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age (emphasis mine):
When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not in the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.
This passage is clear that Eönwë is willing to pardon Sauron--he simply did not posses the power to do so. But when Sauron was told he must appeal directly Manwë, he gave up entirely and skulked back to Middle-earth. There are a few ways to read this:
1. He was not wholly repentant
Sauron simply wanted the protection of a new master in the absence of Melkor. i.e., he was rather fickle and simply wanted to be on whatever the "winning" side was. This is supported by the text literally saying that at least some of his obeisance was completely false, and that he only made a point of feeling bad about anything once his master had been chucked into the Void and his armies and strongholds were being destroyed (Thangorodrim). In this reading, perhaps Eönwë saw Sauron's treachery and referred him to Manwë knowing that it would be a test of his true intent. However, while a valid interpretation, I believe this to be the less holistic of the two.
2. He was truly repentant
Sauron did truly feel badly and "abjured all his evil deeds," but he was unwilling/unable to humble himself after being so fundamentally broken by Melkor and developing an insatiable power lust (hey, he isn't defined in the narrative by lust and pride for nothing).
Earlier in this same chapter, Tolkien wrote that Sauron could "...deceive all but the most wary." This is in the specific context of his physical shapeshifting. But, I would argue that this can also be tied to his lies. Tolkien has a specific ethic of beauty, where physical perfection is equated with moral goodness. Sauron completely inverts what is otherwise a hard and fast rule within Tolkien's writings by being the character most frequently described as "fair"--seven times to Lúthien's six, and she was the most beautiful woman to have ever lived!
(Side note: I have another post on Tolkien & beauty in the works where I'll get more into this idea)
Why does this matter? Even though this interaction with Eönwë takes place in the First Age, Sauron could at this point be in the demonic form Mirdania describes in the forge. And, I am inclined to believe that Eönwë, as the head Maiar and herald of Manwë, would be a pretty wary guy, and thus able to sense any of Sauron's trickery. I read this to mean that Eönwë looked at Sauron and saw his potential to be Mairon again, either in absence of his evil form or in spite of it.
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Because Sauron is incredibly beautiful. And even if it is a disguise of the true, depreciated form of his spiritual essence, he presented himself to Eönwë at his most beautiful. He wanted, even in his act of repentance, to make himself more favorable in Eönwë's eyes. To show up as Mairon (who was likely close friends with Eönwë before everything went down, since they are considered to be two of the most powerful Maia and would have worked closely together).
But I don't think this was all manipulation on Sauron's end. I agree with the scholars mentioned in the text who believed that Sauron was truly repentant--which is why Eönwë even bothered referring him to Manwë instead of kicking him into the Void with Melkor.
And this is the tragedy: Sauron is told exactly how to repent, and believes fundamentally that it is an impossible path for him. And yet, he still longs so intrinsically for it! He was, under Aulë, a Maia of precision, perfection, and order. Under Morgoth, he feels disordered, dis-regulated. He needs to correct the fundamental imbalance within him, so why does he flee Eönwë?
It comes back to Sauron's pride.
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If he follows through with this path of reconciliation, there is no way he can hide or pretend his actions away. If he cannot trick his fellow Maiar, he certainly cannot trick the Valar. And he cannot stand the idea of submitting himself back under their rule, especially now that he has tasted power. This is a pride wound; it is why the idea of confessing to Manwë would be humiliating to him as opposed to just upsetting/uncomfortable.
Again, the pivotal moment: he is told how to make amends for crimes and determines that he cannot do it. So he returns to Middle-earth and stews in his own self-hated and self-pity for a few years. In that time, he consciously or subconsciously latches onto Eönwë's offer--forgiveness from penance. It is the way forward. And if he cannot earn penance at Manwë's hand, he will do it on his own.
The Prodigal Son
This is where we have to talk about the Catholic roots of Tolkien's work for a moment. The scene where Sauron approaches Eönwë mirrors the biblical parable of the prodigal son. In this story, a man abandons his family, spends all his money, and falls into ruin. But when he recognizes his failings and returns to his father to get help, he is welcomed back into the family without question--in other words, he is forgiven and restored to his former position.
17 But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:11-32, NRSV CE (emphasis mine)
The parallel is clear; Mairon, the repentant Maia, returns home with hopes of reconciliation. He is prescribed the same task that the prodigal son offered to his father: he must be bound in servitude to his father/creator in order to pay off his debts. This is a deliberate allusion from Tolkien. The story of the prodigal son models the path of reconciliation that Eönwë describes. Tolkien seems to be drawing a line in the sand with this: Sauron is unwilling to do the work required by the Valar for repentance, so he is unable to receive the grace of a warm welcome back into the fold of the Ainur. Since he did not humble himself, he has to be told to do it. And he does not want to! He wants to be loved, but he also wants his power--evidence, in a way, of how his character was fundamentally altered in his time with Morgoth.
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His pride--and his fear--cut him off from the potential of grace. He does not know for certain that Manwë would subject him to servitude (though I would argue that it's textually evident that it is a custom), but this assumption leads him to flee, which allows him to slip back into his old ways.
He wants to be Mairon (admirable) again, not Sauron (abhorrent). He wants to be accepted and loved, but not punished. He wants the benefits of reconciliation without the work he would have to do to earn it or the shame he would feel as he did. It's pride, but it's also deep shame--the flip side of his extreme ego is an implicit self-hatred, one that we can see in the subtext of how he speaks about himself and about his time with Morgoth.
Even the language Tolkien uses is heavily shame-coded, especially in a Catholic context; Mairon did not go willingly, he was "seduced." He admits to Celebrimbor that he was "tortured by a god". It becomes exceedingly clear through both text and on-screen canon that Sauron was routinely broken and abused for centuries. This has fundamentally damaged his self-perception, which is ultimately what leads him to "[fall] back into evil"--whether due to pride or shame, he hides, perhaps because he consciously or subconsciously does not believe that he deserves forgiveness, no matter how much he craves it.
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Naked in the Garden
His flight back to Middle-earth after meeting Eönwë is reminiscent of another biblical scene, where Adam and Eve, after committing the first sin, hide from God in shame and fear (emphasis mine):
7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...9 But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” -Genesis 7-10, NRSV CE
The image of nakedness is, here, one of vulnerability, and Tolkien establishes that Sauron fears that which he cannot control. He needs the Rings under his power. He needs his armies and his enemies under his watchful eye. He is petrified of letting his power slip away (possibly due to never wanting to feel powerless in the hands of a Vala, fallen or not, again).
The biblical allusion here hearkens back to the fear Tolkien describes Sauron as feeling regarding his return to the Ainur. In the religious system Tolkien has established, which is likely inspired by his own religious beliefs, Sauron has sinned, and must make penance. But he is afraid of God/Manwë, and does not want to "let go" of his sin. In other words, he is not truly repentant. This reflects the Catholic sacrament of confession, which requires self-reflection and resolve to never commit the sin again.
Instead of shame driving him to contrition, it drives him to isolation.
But he still wants forgiveness. So, in his years of hiding in Middle-earth, he decides to earn it himself. His own way.
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Enter the Rings.
Sauron wants to perfect the wrong he wreaked so that he can both earn his way back into the Ainur and keep his power. But what he does not realize is that this does not work. Eönwë is clear that he must forsake his true temptation--absolute power--through penance by submission. Yet Sauron in his pride thinks he can have it all. Sauron is a very carefully controlled villain, and the only times he snaps or makes significant mistakes are when his inflated self-perception is challenged, revealing the self-loathing and/or self-pity underneath. The best example of this is when he kills Celebrimbor prematurely, and cries afterwards. Why? Because Celebrimbor was right about him, and he hates it. He hates knowing that he is nothing more than the Morgoth's shadow, because Morgoth was his master as much as he was his tormentor. As Sauron puts it, his relationship with Morgoth was often defined by pain as a test to see "whose will was the mightier":
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This image carries more shame, both in its implicit sexual connotations and in the simple power dynamic of it. Sauron, even though misguided, is rallying against Morgoth. He wants to break what Morgoth has created and build something new, something better, something apart from his old master entirely. But Celebrimbor confronts him with reality: he has not created something new, and perfect, and special, as he so wanted to--he can only act in imitation, not in generation. And when he got close with the Rings, it cost him everything. It's almost like he wants the power of a Vala, and loathes that he cannot attain it.
And this is why he becomes so singularly obsessed with Galadriel.
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She’s his foil. They both crave power and adoration, but in the end of things, she does not fold under his temptation. She turns down everything she has ever wanted for the greater good and for the sake of her own soul. Sauron looks at Galadriel and perceives that she would have succeeded at Eönwë's test because she is willing and able to humble herself. This maddens him to the point of both desiring her and desiring to break her.
She learns that she is easily tempted and becomes strong enough to handle it (through a lot of tough love from Elrond & co.). She has to learn how to do it, but she is able to.
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She grows from someone who resisted and rejected authority to someone who is trusted as an authority because of her ability to wield it wisely (see: Gil-galad allowing her to answer for him in 2x08).
In other words, she earns the trust, love, and support of her community. Sauron has to force his to comply—it is an illusion of love.
His possessive obsession with her also stems from her fairness. She was the object of her uncle Fëanor's obsessive desire for creation as well. Her hair was the inspiration of the Silmarils (see: The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; The Shibboleth of Fëanor - source with page #s here), which Morgoth desired more than anything to possess.
Sauron, wanting to spite his master, wants one better--to own that which inspired the Silmarils, to own the image of fairness (and thus of moral good) completely. This is why he wants to bind himself to her. This is why he needs her. He sees Galadriel as his mechanism of repentance, and his last triumph over Morgoth. Winning her is his salvation as much as it is proving that his will is the mightier. It is his way of dominating Morgoth. This starts, I think, as a genuine effort at proving himself to the Valar, but quickly consumes him entirely. He is overcome with the desire for revenge, just as Galadriel was at the beginning of the First Age.
And he sees this in her. Sees their similarities. Sees that she, too, is angry and lonely and so afraid of losing her power. And he leverages that to befriend her. This is where it gets ambiguous and you can read RoP as either painting the image of Sauron being earnest but completely misguided in his proposal, or you can see it as him being entirely manipulative.
I think the truth of that scene probably falls somewhere in the middle; just like when he presents himself to Eönwë, he is sincere in his desire, but only knows how to present it in an inherently contriving way. He does want to bind her to him, so he tries to only reveal to her the good aspect of that desire (and also of his desire for power, which he allows her to see because he believes that it is good and also because she understands it), and not the ugly underside of his internal struggle against Morgoth, the Valar, and himself.
And I do think, in his own way, he cared about her. Galadriel consistently shows kindness and compassion to him. In S1, they grow to know each other's minds and souls, and she considers him a close friend. He finds comfort in this, that someone could see the blackness of his heart and care for him anyway. He thought, in his isolation, that he lost that chance when he fled back to Middle-earth. And here is the very picture of the light itself telling him that she supports him, that she sees the good in him, that she wants to help him set the world to rights! Of course he is infatuated by this. Of course he also wants to use it. He is Sauron.
But Galadriel succeeds where he fails, so he stops playing nice and tries to forcibly drag her down with him. First, by baiting her with the image of the man she cared deeply for:
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Then, by reminding her of all she is losing by rejecting him:
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And she is still strong enough to say no. And not just to say no, but to shut the door completely. To look in the face of everything she has desired for centuries and turn it down, understanding that it will ruin her. Yes, she hesitates. Yes, she still wants it (wants him). But she wins the day by holding fast to the light that Sauron wishes so badly to bind himself to.
Because she has lost everything--her brother, her husband, the station as commander, the trust of her high king and best friend--and earns it back only through her resistance of her greatest temptation. It is a struggle, it is painful, it nearly kills her--but she does it. She wins the test that Sauron could not even bear to face.
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In their headlong, self-sacrificial tendencies, they are the same. Both view themselves as fundamentally stronger/better than their peers while also being deeply lonely due to their self-imposed isolation (Galadriel's laser-focused hunt for revenge, Sauron's exile in Middle-earth). But to Galadriel, the light is more important than her pride.
For Sauron, the light is his source of pride. He desires it more than anything, but condemns himself to never being able to touch it due to his rejection of Eönwë's offer. Paradoxically, he tries to grasp at it through Galadriel, the living silmaril, and succeeds only in darkening her. We learn from Gil-galad in 2x08 that his crown piercing her flesh in an act of brutal domination nearly strips her soul from her and pitches it into the unseen world. In this, Sauron is saying: If I cannot have you, I will force you to need me. I will break you into loving me.
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He says this to Celebrimbor as well. He no longer knows how to love properly. He only knows how to inflict pain until this object of his obessive desire needs him--just like how his immortal spirit was broken into submission by Morgoth. And isn't this revealing of his own sense of self? He refuses to suffer the path of light, but willingly suffers the maddening path of darkness because it is a comfortable, familiar suffering. One, he tells Celebrimbor, he even grew to enjoy (2x08). As the path of the Rings drive him madder and madder, his desire for the light (Galadriel) and the return of his power (Celebrimbor) become further disordered and corrupted until they culminate in him destroying them--and his chance at earning/owning them--entirely.
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And this is Sauron's ultimate point of no return (which we will hopefully see in S3 🤞). The razing of Eregion and slaying of Celebrimbor were acts of petty rage he committed when his pride was injured. This was the final nail in the coffin. Galadriel, in her rejection of him, ruins what he sees as his true chance for redemption.
Galadriel, now stepping into the role of Eönwë, re-opens the invitation: "Heal yourself!" (2x08). But in rage and shame and stubborn pride, he turns it down again. I believe this is where his desire to heal Middle-earth shifts fundamentally into desire to dominate Middle-earth. He always wanted to rule, but now he wants to own.
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Chemistry
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Inspired by art from @/jackthepeeper here
Rated: Mature | Warnings: Richard calls reader 'princess' but still gn (trust me in none affectionate way), reader calls Richard 'dick'
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Richard Sterling is the classic beautiful knight, the sort to save a princess from a high tower guarded by a fearsome dragon. It is undeniable his beauty, storybook to the letter, yet you find yourself unable to trust a pretty face like most do. Most ladies would think you are being too cautious, clearly you should be swooning and falling over him. It is made to seem like something is wrong with you, which you are not going to feel about! Father says to trust your instincts; trust and verify.
Richard Sterling probably sees you as the princess in need of saving, Florian did too, but you are quite clear that his assistance will only be called upon if necessary.
As one who practices the art of escape as, once the great Houdini did, you have not always needed rescuing.
Jose Baden and you have come up with plenty of ideas of how to use your talents combined when dealing with the most difficult hunters to contain. A bit of confusion can do wonders against those like Ivy or Percy.
You are not sure Richard— Dick, you call him when he gets on your nerves— Gets it, yet your luck has been shit as he has been saving your ass far too much. Jose had thought he could tease you about it but you make it very clear to him to stop.
This last match would have nearly cost you if he had not stayed behind to save you from Discipline. It was risky but it got a tie.
“There is no need for thanks,” Bowing, “After all, any princess needs a knight.”
“Not a princess or prince, pretty boy.” Florian has a hero complex, easy to deal with. Richard, you think would be the same way but there's something off. Heroic deeds yet it is like he is playing a practiced role. Florian at least wants to save people though he seems to get off on it. Fucking weirdos all in this place, at least they put their differences aside to survive.
“My apologies for assuming. It could not be helped given your current circumstances of late.”
“We all have bad days… or weeks.” Mumbling with this pleasure, “Just have to go practice.”
“If you are in of company—”
“William is already joining me.” You cut him off, “See you whenever.” Going to the left of the intersecting hallway and heading to your room.
“Farwell, princess.” That last part is said with a sly smirk.
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All of your lockpicks have been used, Jack is relentless, and Night Watch is quick with chairing. Duo hunters are always a pain in the ass to get through as certain hunter combinations make or break a match.
Both Jack and Night Watch's abilities are a great combo and there are only four remaining survivors…
The Knight is containing the hunters as they decide to tag team against the newest survivor. You use this opportunity to save Luca and Lucky Guy from their chairs, Luca has the crowbar but the dungeon location is a mystery currently on the snow version of the Arms Factory map.
You could leave Richard, he has helped you but he a dick about it as he calls you “princess”. Luca pings no dungeon where he went to and Lucky Guy pings the hunter is on him.
“Evening, princess.” Richard finds you decoding in the factory, you see the hunters did a number on him before both hunters saw Lucky Guy who shot Night Watch with a flare. Merc's armbands will only get him so far. “Might I request a touch from the fair nimble-fingered princess?”
“Ew, why do you talk like that?” You hate his laugh that makes him wheeze in pain, “Stop that. Here,” Handing him Demi’s Dovlin you bought, “Drink this it will help the pain.”
“Wine? Rather unwise to be inebriated in our current situation.”
“Dick, it will heal you. I don't know how but does so fucking drink it!”
“As my princess wishes. Perhaps after, we could enjoy a glass of wine later?”
You stare at so long enough to fuck up the cipher for a second, “Get us a win and maybe I will entertain that.”
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Holy shit… A tie… You cannot believe the… Lucky Guy and Luca are cheering while you are completely flabbergasted. A two-person kite and the dungeon were found just in time.
Dick got his dinner and wine because that win was impressive. The dinner was added because you want food with your wine.
You figure dinner in the sunroom is safe. Though private and often reserved for tea parties, at night you found it to be the best spot to gaze upon the stars.
“Princess,” Dinner and wine, “There is no reason to shy away.” It makes you both too bold and stupid.
You have slept with Florian. He is attractive and you are weak for a man in uniform. Slept with Mike too, he made you laugh your first week here. Made out with Mary during a Valentine's Day celebration. In short, you are not surprised you are on the floor with the pretty boy playing knight. Without the vest, his blouse partly open, and his tight pants not leaving anything to guesswork; his is gorgeous.
“I'm not shy. You're just so much.” You open his shirt as he takes off his trousers and shoes. “A lot much.” Your fuzzy brain from drinking is not giving you the ability to form proper words or find the right one. You are not the type to drink, socially you drink rarely, so your tolerance is low. Especially given the vintage is from Antonio's secret stash he tries to hide in the wine cellar.
The food helped until the night grew longer and longer, more cups of wine poured, your inhibitions lowered, your tongue loose— There is an old saying ‘loose lips sink ships’ and boy was your ship sinking.
Richard seems to be able to hold his liquor, you envy him, he is so pretty and… Your mind is too fuzzy to figure out who leaned in first for the kiss.
By now, you both are on the floor near the large glass ceiling, two bottles empty, both glasses fallen and rolled somewhere, and both sitting under the stars. Romantic.
When he kisses you, it is the perfect kiss, you are swooning a bit. Perfect then demanding with his tongue in your mouth, his hands on your face keeping you in place so he can steal your breath.
The escalation was so close from how his hands wandered and groped you; your hands tugging at his clothes yet there was not much you could do in your current state. The kiss is hot and heavy, and you swear you are ready, then he stops. Not panicking or pushing you away abruptly, he is gentle and lays you under him.
“Richard?”
“As much as I would enjoy ravishing you,” You have no idea how he can speak so clearly with two bottles in both your systems, “However, I would much prefer our night of passion to be recalled not forgotten.”
And in the most gentle way, he did not sleep with you that night.
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Princess. You hate being called that. You are no princess or prince in need of a knight. You see yourself more as the jester who struggled to amuse the crowd unless you were escaping impossible odds— Life-threatening ones often. Yet, to Richard, you are a princess running away from impossible horrors and narrowly escaping.
The a few ladies like him, a few of the guys, and you still believe under that facade is a dragon rather than a knight.
“Princess?” Answering the door surprised to see you there. The only visitors he gets usually is Vera (he likes her perfumes) and occasionally Margaretha (stress relief), and maybe Evelyn for a nightcap.
Here you are looking crossed with him, he does not resist when your hand touches his bare chest shoving him back, this allows you to enter his room and slam the door behind you.
“If you are looking to manipulate me into some alliance with you, well, you're a dumbass. Alliances will not help you. We have to all work together if we are going to survive this.” The rant is long as you jab your finger against his chest not noticing how he is allowing you to vent until you are out of words. You glare and then look down seeing where you are touching the knight.
It might not have been the best idea to corner him in a nice room that smells of perfume and is well organized— You pull your hand back realizing your hand is on his partially exposed chest. His usual fencing vest and sash are gone, his undershirt open making him look like a damn male lead of a romance novel cover.
You look away then point to the closed door in the heat of your anger about how things were different between you and him (he had even been in your room helping you with your hangover), you came upon him at an inappropriate time, “I uh, bye.”
“Wait,” Grabbing your hand and for the first time since that tonight over a week ago, you can feel his bare hand. “My apologies for being so forward; it lead to this miscommunication.”
You hate how eloquent he speaks, Norton might be rubbing off on you.
“You are correct about me seeking something from you, princess. We were close to it, however, it would be wrong for a gentleman to take advantage of a princess at their most vulnerable.”
“... You can just ask me for sex.”
He laughed, “How crude. Though I suppose a blunt request would have caused less stress.”
You roll your eyes, “Dick—”
“Richard, (Name).” His hand traveling up your arm, “I wish to bed you. If you wish, perhaps we can share our desires often with one another.”
You hum, “Friends with benefits?” Thinking it over for a second,  “Alright.” Not like there are strings attached or love involved.
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Chemistry is just as vicious as love.
Desire can twist infatuation into obsession.
Sex with Richard is amazing! You were so sure the man was gonna chivalrously vanilla, not there is anything wrong with that but you have your tastes and thrills. Florian liked it when you poured candle wax on him, Mike liked how playful you can be, and Mary adored it when you let her use her mirror shard to slide against your skin (never cutting you). Richard is… Very experimental.
When his hand is wrapped around your throat; when his usual gentlemanly demeanor switches to this sadistic man who wants to break you; the fact he is thankful after the rough sex he takes care of you— Thinking about right now as you walk to your room is making you giddy.
You love it when he uses his sash to bind your wrists or use it as a leash, your next favorite is when he has you wear his helmet so you can not see making it partly difficult to breathe. It thrills, risks, and you both feel alive.
Sex is sex, the highly stressful situation and often traumatic matches, you find for a few hours it keeps you from attempting to set the manor on fire. It is a tool and the chemistry between you both is perfect. There is no love, Richard is a decent guy but not someone you can picture yourself in love with.
Even when the sight in your bedroom is him wearing his underlings and blouse, the seductive look of a promised bliss. The invitation of his finger beckons you to him.
And you go to him all too willing to have an hour or two of escapism, to pretend you are not in some hellish manor, to have your thoughts halted and voice made horse from saying his name rather than from terror.
“Good princess.” He is going to ruin you within these four walls, strip you bare, ravish the princess in need of saving.
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delzinrowe · 4 months ago
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I saw your post, happy you're doing well!!!
Maybe something for Inumaki if you do him? Anything is fine 👉👈
Thank you thank you! <3
AN: I just started writing this without a real plan and just after a headcanon I had, and I didn't realise it would turn out this long... TT
Word count: ~600ish
Warnings: not beta read, pure fluff with some insecurities
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I am not quite sure why but Inumaki strikes me as the type of boyfriend who would be secretely extremely insecure.
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Even though he knows he's one of the most promising young sorcerers and that his cursed technique is among those few that are envied, he's still insecure, why? Because it's also a curse that forbids him from telling you all the things that other people so easily tell their loved ones.
No matter how many times you reassure him, it's something that's eating away inside of his heart that cannot be fully stopped.
It all started when you guys were on a date at the movies. Inumaki previously tried to ask you out multiple times, all of which failed because he couldn't just straight up say "Do you want to go out with me?" like others could.
Instead he decided to ask you via text if you wanted to go out, which you misunderstood and thought meant the entire group. Needless to say Yuta teased him about this for a while afterwards.
Inumaki eventually left a note in your backpack, asking whether you wanted to go on a date with him. You found the note later that day during class, yet to Toge's horror he realised he forgot to sign it. Another failed attempt.
When Maki got tired of watching him fail at asking you out she eventually blurted out that Toge had been crushing on you. First you didn't believe it, thinking she might just pull a prank on you, but when you saw the heat flush onto his face it became obvious that she was in deed serious and correct.
Afterwards you two finally went on your first date, which to you went simply amazing. Now for Toge it was great until the movie came to it's romantic climax with the lead male going on and on about his feelings in a cheesy speech. He would have almost laughed if he hadn't seen the glimpse of hearts in your eyes at the romantic words. Suddenly the popcorn you shared felt like pebbles in his stomach when he realised he'd never be able to say such things to you because of his cursed speech.
Sure, if he wrote down a speech and carefully choose the words he could make sure that there would be no accidents, but he promised himself never to risk anyone's safety.
When he walked you home he remained unusually quiet, not even his beloved onigiri ingredients were spoken. You shyly took his hand and squeezed it, thanking him for the beautiful date and kissed his cheek before hurrying into your home.
Simply holding your hand on its own had eased his worries, but the kiss on his cheek? It made him forget everything for a solid minute. The worries eventually returned but for the moment he was fully content and happy.
The dates kept going on, spending time with Toge was easy and felt natural and peaceful. It wasn't long until you two officially became a couple. At this moment he started to open up more about his worries, that he felt he lacked in terms of providing you with lovely words.
You couldn't blame him, being insecure is part of being human, even if you didn't see any reason for him having such doubts. Having been whipped for him since the very beginning you decided to come up with a new safe word for him, one that he would only utter in times of insecurities.
Whenever he said the word you'd take his hand, pull him closer and remind him how much you loved him with a kiss on his each of his cheeks and eventually his lips.
(Okay so maybe Inumaki started abusing the word to get free kisses whenever he wanted but you couldn't really be mad at him since you also enjoyed kissing him.)
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