#granted i never got to finish it but that wasnt on me

[nebuvoid]

apparently it's still in early production, I really really hope development goes well and it doesn't get mystery canned down the line. not being negative on purpose, it's just, you know how it goes with viddy games sometimes. og okami helped me stay above water during my first depression as a wee teenager so it feels extra special to me. cheering those devs on to make it safely through the gaming industry trenches

[yaymiyas]

ISEKAI!YANDERE!CROWN PRINCE INTRODUCTION

warning: female reader, his name is saer…just so you can follow a bit lol, isekai lol

a/n: it’s structured a bit differently than my other introductions, do note that yes this is x reader but you had gotten isekai’d into a novel so….i do say her name but…..you’re also you…..if that makes sense, also he is hardly in it but its like….an introduction to the story bc its…an isekai and i needed to layout how i wanted everything to be

its not like you didn’t realize something was up. bright white lights blind you right when you open your eyes. maids coming in and out, calling you ‘miss’ and telling you not to sit up because ‘it will harm you even more’. granted, you were very thankful for their words because, around ten minutes before they came in, you attempted to sit up and gave yourself a headache. even though nobody was explaining anything, you remained quiet, trying to gather as much information from the surrounding maids as possible. the red-haired one with tight curls and an everlasting smile was amanda. she seemed to like you much, more than the other two, and tended to you more carefully. maybe she was your personal maid,or maybe she was just good at her job, but she never let up and called you your ‘name’.

admittedly, none of the other two maids called you your ‘name’ either. it was all just ma’am or miss from them. you just expected a hint of your identity from amanda, based solely on her care for you. selfish? maybe but you needed more hints. the other maids are named cynthia and tilly. the former of the two had long black hair slicked into a low bun, with a small maids hair on top to finish the look. it was a cute detail, if you must say, since the other two didn’t wear them. cynthia hardly spoke above a shout, coming off as more soft-spoken than the other two. she wasn’t really rude, nor did she have an attitude while tending to you, but she wore an expression of indifference that made you think she would rather do anything else.

tilly, on the other hand, was more bold than the other two. still not outwardly rude, but she tested your patience a few times. the main one that got to you though, was when she was rubbing your face. while she was washing off your face with the washcloth, she rubbed against your cheeks too hard, and upon this ‘realization’ she gave you a malevolent grin. her thin lips formed an o shape, mimicking the action of saying ‘oops’. luckily, it seemed as if amanda and cynthia didn’t really care for this ‘prank’ of hers. they both scoffed in disgust, continuing to pick out outfits for me to wear for the day ahead.

a soft but stern knock was heard at the door, revealing a man with black slick back hair and yellow eyes to put the look all together. he reminded you of those webtoon male leads that were cold but female audiences loved. being a sucker for those types, you raised your neck up, making sure to keep your body in the same supine position. the man standing at the foot of your bed looked down at you with an expression that you couldn’t read. an expression that wasn’t scary but wasnt welcoming. tapping along the footboard of the bed, he let out a low sigh out that resembled a growl and turned around to leave. tilly, amanda, and cynthia didn’t acknowledge the man. neither did he to them. the only thing that could resemble an interaction between the four of them was when tilly and amanda gave small bows and the slight side eye cynthia gave before going back inside your closet to look for something.

“madam,”

thats a new one.

“lord saer would like you to have breakfast with him today.”

lifting your head enough to turn your focus towards amanda, you started to guess your facial expression was a bit too expressive because amanda started to giggle. the pain in your body wasn’t really high; it was more the numbness that bothered you. moving your neck and head didn’t really take much strength, it was attempting to move your legs that was the problem. walking towards you in a shift movement, amanda placed the rich, deep purple hair piece down on top of the dress set she had picked out for you. upon arrival, she softly removed your blanket and shifted your body into a sitting position. you felt like a doll.

“okay now miss, i will be lifting you up to wash you now.”

placing her right arm underneath the backs of your knees and her left arm supporting your neck, she quickly moved you to the area you’re assuming was the bathroom. the door to the large room was already open, since once she had lifted you up, cynthia had pushed the door open and walked in herself. the room was massive, twice the size of a normal person’s kitchen. the walls and floor tiles were both the same shade of pale pink, matching the sleeping set you had on. amanda sat you down in a chair and started to strip you down. while she was doing that, the other was running the bath water and testing if it was safe enough. every time the water was a bit too hot or too cold, you saw cynthia’s eyes squeeze shut.

“alright madam edina,”

cynthia sighed, standing up from the clam shaped tub.

“it’s all set for you. please do not make it hard as you have always done.”

not sparing you even a small look, she and amanda were already picking you up and guiding you into the tub. quietly instructing you to lay back, wet, cold liquid found its way both on your scalp and on your legs. edina? are you sure thats what she said? the only edina you knew of was the villainess from the hit novel “obsession falls”. you never really read the book, but you knew of the characters and the content that surrounded it. it was rather controversial for how obsessive and dangerous the male lead was. he had stalked the female lead for years, and it didn’t stop once he got married. with a wife so dismissive and uninterested, the male lead was given all the time in the world to go hunt his prey.

unfortunately for him, once edina randomly started to care about what her husband was doing during the day he had to slowly stop. losing the love of his life to the second male lead, alastair. due to this very random string of events, saer had grown irritated by the events his wife was clumsily stringing together. he then decided to take care of his wife, edina. the night before he was to go and kill alastair, he had poisoned the dinner he had helped make for his wife. from your memory, this was one of the few times in years he had asked his wife to sit at the table and eat with him. she would usually just take her food into her room separately. this night, edina came into the dining room with her most expensive jewelry and dress. she thought this was the night her husband was going to admit his faults and leave the female lead for her. however, what actually ended up happening was that the moment she took a bite out of her steak, her vision went black and her head banged on the table.

focusing on the soft brushes of your hair, you start to put the pieces together. you don’t remember the faces of any of the characters in the story, you just remember the basic blot and conflict. if what cynthia said was true, that you are in fact edina tudor gwynn then that means the reasoning for your stiff body was because of your ‘husband’ trying to kill you. sharply sucking in some air, you seek strength within your legs. even though the lower half of your body was still partially numbed, the feeling of pins and needles filled the tip of your toes to the back of your knees. not wanting to cause much of a scene, even though you were sure she wouldn’t care much, you looked up to check to see if your maid was paying you any mind. cynthia was too focused on rinsing your body, while amanda stopped brushing your hair to grab towels for you.

“cynthia,”

it was amazing how you could even get that out. due to the affects of the poison, your throat had become overly dry and it hurt you to even swallow. that was mainly one of the reasons as to why you hardly spoke to them this morning. stopping in her tracks, she lazily turned her head into your direction. the woman didn’t have much of any emotion on her face. her eyelids halfway down, making it appear that she was tired or just bored. her lips were in a thin line. you had hardly seen her smile or really speak, so you started to believe this was just how her resting face looked like.

“why did he poison me?”

tilting her head a bit, cynthia’s facial expression changed. it was as if your question intrigued her. her low eyelids raised a bit, along side her eyebrows, as she tried to tame the smile that was creeping on her thin lips. this was the most expressive you have ever seen her. she began to part her lips when amanda came back through the door with the towels.

“perhaps this conversation will need to be revisited, my lady.”

[ganondoodle]

you know, i talked about it before but i still, for a much more rare totk gameplay complaint-

i still cannot wrap my head around how it went all the way to the finished product to have 5 ghosts that love to glitch around and threaten your frame rate (espeically bad in combat) help in combat, 4 of which are MELEE fighters, AND have their abilities tied to their model forcing you to chase after them constantly if you want to use any of it AND ALSO give them collision so they can get knocked over cancelling their ability if it needs charging (RIJU!!), the one needing a long time to charge being not jsut one of the most useful and fun to use but then making that one also be one of tHE MELEE fighters meaning anytime you manage to catch her and activate it she instantly charges into battle and due to her being rather small and using short swords she basically sticks to the enemy like glue and keeps gettign knocked over, i swear yelling riju was my most spoken word in any type of combat in all my playtime

also how they teleport back and forth in and out of your arm the second you dare to look at a climable surface or are in one thats too small for them (even when you need them the most like yuno in one of those caves stuffed to the brim with destroyable rocks thatd take out all your swords if you did it by hand) or just .. randomly teleporting around but then can still get stuck on environmental collision until you cant even see them anymore (stares at sidon giving me a heart attack in the underground when he got caught on a light root until i was so far away he was barely visible and instead of teleporting he started to sprint at me with inhumane speed when i turned around making me frozen in shokc bc he turned dark in the distance for some reason making me think one of the creepy ghost soldiers was out to murder me, granted that was one of the best moments in the game for me, but also, imagine if they actually did that with one of the creepy ghost soldiers instead of it being a glitch??? another missed opportunity tbh)

how did that never come up during playtesting?? if they really were done somewhere in 2022 and spent the rest of the time with polish like they said how did that never come up?? i loved having the champ- sages around in their dungeons but the ghost version thingy wasnt really that optimal and id rather have their abilities be either integrated into your controls like in botw (tbh i find that really thoguhtful, to have your dead friends abilities they granted you inegrated into your basic controls as dynamically as they did) or in another ability wheel (like i did in my rewrite) with maybe mineru beign the only one you actually need around via summon since you can ride ... her

idk about anyone else but i only had them around bc i liked them walking around with me and was too lazy to constantly de and reactivate them but tbh i think it caused more annoyance to me than it brought anything interesting to it

[hampink]

Kingohger G Rosso Show #3 Summary (1/2/24 & 1/3/24)

i went to see the g rosso show with @valentinezlove! recap/summary on the whole show + my thoughts below~ ❤️🤍 (warning: spoilers, really long)

SPOILERS AHEAD for basically the whole plot of the g rosso show (though i left some stuff out) i believe this show is going to be livestreamed at some point so pls be aware if you're going to watch that and don't wanna be spoiled!

also, despite seeing this show TWICE i am so bad at remembering things and get distracted way too easily. i left out details and scenes im not confident in my memory abt😭 also this recap is a personal account so its probably jeramie heavy and there Will be giramie ramblings from my annoying ass

THE SHOW

the show starts with kamejim scheming evilly, as kamejim does. he calls forth grodie (!) to do his thing, and he appears as a recording on the big screen. grodie begrudgingly brings some dead sanagims back to life and he's like “ok go crazy/好きにして” and then kamejim orders them to go forth and destroy humanity/the whole planet. the sanagim are about to attack the audience on the front row when suddenly we hear giras WAHAHAHA and the five kings, gira, himeno, yanma, rita and kaguragi descend onto the stage!!

cue really epic fight

at this point i was like ah i see i guess jeramies coming in the middle of the show… but then NUH UH. SUDDENLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES A SPIDER DROPS DOWN FROM THE CEILING ON HIS WEB IN THE AUDIENCE!!

the first time we saw the show on the yan/hime/gira day, our seats were a bit further back so when jeramie came down it was in a perfectly clear view in front of us!!! i SRSLY GOT JUMPSCARED I THOUGHT I HAD A HEART ATTACKK on the 3rd we were sitting really close to the front so i kept looking behind us in anticipation when i knew jeramie was going to make his appearance eheehe..

also when jeramie appeared he said “otto! dont forget about me!” and gira was the first to go “jeramie! you came!” 🥺

anyway they finish beating up the zombie sanagims and kamejims all like fufufufu i am cooking up an evil evil plan to destroy this planet Best Beware u silly kings and then disappears

after the fight the kings convene and discuss what they should do abt kamejim and the new super villain threat that is the galactinsect king and the jesters. but how could they ever beat them? what power is possibly strong enough?? wherever will we find a source of such power?

suddenly kaguragi goes aha! and he begins to recount to everyone an old myth he’s heard about a village back in toufu

apparently theres a 2000 yr old legend that a comet once fell near a village and it left behind an object the village ppl called the "star drop" (星の雫), which looks like a magical orb

the village ppl have kept the star drop for generations and legend has it that the orb has mysterious powers to grant anyone a wish, perhaps we can use it to defeat kamejim

upon hearing the wish part the kings all go WHAT!! and lean in with interest except gira who doesnt react and just kinda stands there (he doesnt seem that interested …?)

the spotlight goes onto yanma and we hear him monologuing abt how he wants to use the wish to make his super computer (i think its hilarious he never gives up on this)

the spotlights goes on himeno and she says she wants a cure all that can cure any wound (🥺)

the spotlights on rita and they wish for a super deluxe limited edition something something moffun 

the spotlights on jeramie and he says, in a very dramatic voice, この2000年生きる語り部が知らない伝説なんて、気に入らない、気に入らないぞ！💀 (a myth that I, this 2000 yr old storyteller has never heard of? i don't like that!)

we dont get to see what gira thinks regarding his wish 0_0 and technically jeramie too bc THAT WASNT A WISH KHGDDDH and also kaguragi because obviously we can never look into his mind hes sussy! (more on dat later tho….)

unbeknownst to the kings, kamejim was hiding and listening in to their conversation the whole time. an orb that can grant any wish…? interesting…

cut to the team arriving at the secluded, very hidden away village. its full of old looking tombs and temples overgrown with vines and such

suddenly from the audience a bunch of people come in parading one of those long dragon puppets and doing a festival-like chant. apparently this dragon is a symbol of the village spirit/guardian born from the comet myth. i think???? i cant remember this part really well because Both times i saw the show i was ALWAYS distracted by gira playing with the dragon really cutely in the background (he’d ruffle its hair or pat its head and the actor would hit gira on his head not to touch it and he would bow in apology😭 🙏)

also upon arriving the village jeramie says "in all my 2000 yrs of living, even i never knew about this place" (i love how they bring up his thousands of years wandering as a cryptid and how much he loves chikyuu and knows it so well,,)

they meet the village elder, whom kaguragi greets but instead of welcoming his king the elder yells at all of them to go home, you shouldnt be here and theres no such thing as the star drop here!! leave us be!! the myth that theres a power that grants wishes here is just that, a myth!

and the teams like zamnnn so we went all the way out here for nothing…? yanmas like kaguragi im gonna beat the shit out of u and in the end everyones like Welp i guess we should go home and everyone except jera start to exit the stage. gira is like wait guys are u sure!?! and watches them go off one by one. in the end jeramies like come on now and either drags gira away or on the show i saw on jan 2nd he casually gently pushes gira on the chest (?) WOULD BE BETTER IF I DREW IT TO EXPLAIN BUT IT WAS CUTE😭)

and then jeramie leaves the stage too but then a few seconds later he walks backward and reappears from the curtain and goes な~んてね (just kidding/as if)

he says “honestly, those kings really cant read between the lines huh? this village is obviously hiding something they dont want us to know”

and so jeramie alone walks in the other direction and leaves to the right of the stage

~the middle of the night~

the village elder is sneaking about, two other village men join him, theyre all whispering very discreetly

the elder is like “are they gone yet?”

“sir yessir theyve gone.”

elder says smth like “good! we cant let any of them get their hands on the village treasure that weve guarded for generations''

the elder decides to go to the tomb to ensure the star drop is safe

cut to jeramie sneaking around trying to find where theyre keeping this dang orb. while he’s looking for it he suddenly hears footsteps, turns out its yanma and himeno who ALSO came back to sneakily look for the orb themselves , jeramies like oh crap seems like theyve caught on as well, he goes to hide behind a platform and this part is absolutely ridiculous like whats wronggg w him tbh

like at first when jeramie goes to hide he lies on his side and had his whole one leg up before belatedly putting it down. yanma and himeno are fighting above him and each time they get closer jeramie would flinch dramatically and at some point hes just striking different poses 😭😭😭 also the one i saw on january 3rd when yanma and himeno get way too close to jeramie, yanmas actor accidentally hits jeramie with his sword probably bc he didnt know what improvised pose he’d be in lol…

we cut back to the elder at the tomb, he says some spell in an unknown language and the tomb opens up and reveals the orb (sitting on a pedestal) he goes to take it but doesnt realize that rita was standing there the whole time

the elders like “what are u doing here!!” rita says something abt how they can tell when ppl are guilty of hiding something/lying 👁👁

then suddenly gira waltzes in and is all like “wooow the stars are so pretty…. wait rita? and elder? hi!! man the stars are just so pretty out here i that i got lost wandering around, can u show me the way back? wait a minute whats that youre holding? :0” (note: GIRA WHO LOVES STARGAZING REALLLL)

elders like NONE OF U CAN HAVE IT!! BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN IF THIS FALLS INTO THE WRONG HANDS! 

ritas like anyway whatever give me that orb, and lunges at the elder to grab it

at this point himeno and yanma arrive to the scene and himenos like that orb is MINE!! and they all fight over it 

rita ends up getting it and IMMEDIATELY they wish for “moffuns warmth” and then moffun actually appears fr on stage 😭😭 while rita is busy going crazy over moffun and hugging it the elder chants another incantation which appears to have reversed the wish and moffun goes away.  yanma gets a hold of the orb next but right at that moment jeramie swings by on a cord and snatches it from him!! 

jeramie lands on the ground, orb in hand all pleased with himself but then.. someone sneaks up from the shadows behind him and its kaguragi!!! and he has his sword to jeramies neck while hes backed against a wall and jeramie goes otto~ (it was sexy as hell tbh)

so kaguragi has the orb now and hes like “so it seems the myth is true. thank you everyone for confirming this for me”

everyones like kaguragi... could it be…? u were just using us to get the star drop yourself this whole time!!!??

and kaguragis like maa maa dont worry abt it (FORGETTING A LOT OF DETAILS HERE but something abt how if a village in his country has been keeping an object so powerful it only makes sense it should be in his hands or something , maybe?)

but anyway no one wins this round because THEN suddenly kamejim appears and takes the hot potato orb from kaguragi 

and hes like ufufufu and then uses the star drop to make his super evil plan to destroy the planet come true, and when he says his wish suddenly the orb starts going crazy with an immense dark force , its glowing purple and its all crackly like a thunderstorm is inside it, the ground shakes and everything around them starts falling apart

the elders like nooooo and tries to take the orb back but kamejim flings him away and the elder is knocked unconscious

in the end, gira manages to get a hold of the star drop but he struggles to keep it still in his hands bc of the wild dark energy, gira tries to repeat the incantation he heard the elder say earlier but it isnt working, then gira is like “i have no other choice!” and it looks like gira holds the orb close to his chest and the stage goes dark as he screams and then a few moments later he reemerges as…… ~Dark Gira~ 

Gira is silent for a moment but then he growls in a rlly low voice “i am the tyrant king… and i will destroy this planet!”  and starts blindly attacking everyone

evil gira doesnt do the classic evil laugh at all… hes eerily silent and mostly growls and groans a lot. he moves creepily like hes possessed, sometimes he crouches rlly low as if hes on all fours like a wild beast, he pounces on kaguragi and pins him to the ground like a predator 😱 (it was scarYyyy). his evil voice is also super super deep (huge win for the actual!evil tyrant gira enthusiasts…)

everyones like gira whats wrong with you!! gira snap out of it!! dont you recognize us?!?! but it seems gira has completely taken in the dark energy of the orb into himself

giras so powerful in this state that he defeats all the other kings. jeramie was the last to try and fight gira and smth ppl pointed out that Indeed i noticed was true on my rewatch is that evil gira mercilessly went for jeramies bugnarak arm 😭(AAAA)

in the end everyone can only lay defeated on the ground. jeramies dramatic ass says “ah, is this how the story ends? what a tragedy..” 

the curtain slowly closes on evil gira standing alone center stage as he once again yells “i will destroy this world…!”

later, kaguragi, yanma, and rita gather together to reassess their plan. himeno joins in late, she just got done treating the elders wounds. he should be fine, and jeramie is looking after him now.

(note: i was internally screaming at this. ever since ep 42 when himeno was taking a look at injured racles and went “jeramie” and jeramie immediately knew to Web up his wounds i was like oh… theyve done this before. himeno and jeramie have been spending time tgt treating ppl/himeno has been teaching jeramie things and vice versa OOUGH MY BELOVED HIMENO AND JERAMIE FRIENDSHIP. JERAMIE NURSE IN TRAINING REAL) (also fuel for my 1677282 different headcanons regarding jeramie and how he deals with his own injuries... himeno getting mad at this 2000 yr old spider w 2000 yr old habits and teaching him how to take care of himself..)

rita is like no wonder the village ppl guarded the star drop so fiercely… 

its a great, dangerous power that no one person should wield..

ah… so the myth is actually a burden/responsibility kaguragi let his ppl carry for 2000 yrs…. kaguragi wanted to help his own ppl, not selfishly use the wish for himself..

yanma deduces that the orb takes on the intense feelings of whoever makes a wish, and to cancel out the dark energy in gira right now, they need a feeling thats more powerful than That

but what?? from where and how?? 

then suddenly, evil gira reappears, still possessed by the dark energy

himenos like i know!! surely his feelings for us kings/our memories together as his friends are stronger!!

(the kings look at the audience)

OF COURSE!! we’ll use the power of everyones emotions here!! everyone, lend us your help, at the count of three, everybody shout gira’s name!!

whenever the audience shouted giraaaa, he gets hit with a sparkly effect, its working!! yanma goes hypeman cheerleader mode and is like CMON IS THAT ALL YOUVE GOT!! SAY IT LOUDERR

and we shout gira a couple times and finally we shout the incantation (it was rlly cute and sweet sobs)

a transition, gira is back to normal. the orb is also back in one piece

jeramie conveniently comes in after the whole thing all “ah, is gira back to normal already?” 💀💀 tuxedo man meme ass…

anyway now that they have the star drop again hot potato is BACK on and they fight kamejim for it one final time.

gira chases after kamejim and theres a funny bit during the chase where kamejim goes into the audience and gives the orb to one of the audience members and hes like “that persons holding it” and giras like oh sorry excuse me! could u please give me that orb? KHAHSHSJSN

then FINALLY once they got the orb back, they manage to actually destroy it for real so that smth like this never happens again. and thus the kings save the village from ruin! the elder is thankful to kaguragi and the others for saving them but ah… now this village no longer has a legend of its own. but then jeramie says “but we have rewritten it by creating a new legend! the story of the six heroes who saved this village!” our 思い (feelings) will be a new legend~

jeramie has this long winded ass curtain closing speech, going on abt probably the power of friendship and 思い and stories that we have to 心に刻まないとね♡ (carve it into our hearts) . i didnt see it on the show i saw but yes, this is where the infamous giramie hug happened :') the one i saw on the 2nd, jeramie said this while putting his hand on giras shoulder and leaning into him, on the 3rd he put a hand to his heart and looked into giras eyes…or visor. he titled his head all cutely and shit too ARGGGHH

and of course jeramie finishes the entire show by going …とさっ♡ (or so the story goes) and since gira and jeramie are standing next to each other center stage the curtain frames the both of them right before the show ends... aaa...

END!

G ROSSO WAS SO GOOD AND FUN AND CUTE, HIGHLY RECOMMEND! if you can, def tune into the livestream theyre doing at some point which is gonna feature the non suit actors in the show!!!

thanks again @valentinezlove for going to see both days w me~ because these days had the special stage greeting from the actors (and thats a WHOLE NOTHER THING IVE MADE SEPARATE POSTS ABOUT), there was no after show handshake with the suit actors but i still got to shake kuwagata-ohgers hand walking into the venue ;7; i will never emotionally recover...

(also i pulled jeramies trading card twice thank you shugods for looking out for me ahsjkd!!!)

[cowgurrrl]

OKAY WAIT

late night talks with college!joel - how reader and him came to date. they were studying they got distracted talking about something and stayed up all night taking. now joel can get her off his mind. 😉

thank you harry styles <3

I’ll kiss you on the mouth dude I love this idea

UPDATE: I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END IT AND IF IT WASNT FOR MY MELATONIN KICKING IN I WOULDVE CONTINUED IT

She’s got a book for every situation

Pairing: college!joel x fem!reader

Summary: this ask

Author’s note: typed in tumblr and not proofread so god speed slayers 🫡

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, Joel being The Biggest Flirt, June your BA in English is showing, I think that’s it??

Working at the writing center on campus has its perks. You get unlimited printing, editing experience, and free coffee. Granted, it’s from a pot that had been simmering for several days but it’s free nevertheless. You’ve even managed to get in good with a few professors who would recommend their students come to you if they need help. Normally, they don’t take the advice until finals week and they all scramble into your office all at once. So, when a tall guy with curly dark hair walks into your desolate lobby, you’re a little surprised. He looks lost with a stack of papers piled in his hands and visibly relaxes when he sees you peek your head out.

“Hey there. Can I help you?” You ask, approaching him.

“Maybe. ‘M from Dr. Phillips class and she said to come to the writing center and ask for…” He trails off as he glances down at his paper before saying your name. “Said she might be able to help me with my paper.”

“Yeah, I think she can help you with your paper.” You say and hold out your hand to grab the red inked paper. It’s a paper on Kerouac who’s never been your favorite. In fact, you wrote an entire paper about how pretentious and privileged Jack Kerouac actually was but that’s neither here nor there. The bottom line is that you know how to write a paper professors are looking for. You feel his eyes scanning your face as you read his thesis and try to ignore the blush creeping over your cheeks.

“I take it you’re the brilliant writer Dr. Phillips likes so much.” He says. You smile but don’t take your eyes off his words so you don’t get distracted by his presence.

“Dr. Phillips doesn’t like anyone.”

“She seemed to like you. Told me all about how smart you are,” he says. “Never mentioned the pretty part, though.” Finally, you look up and meet his gaze.

“Technically Dr. Phillips isn’t allowed to recommend one student editor over another. It’s against our policy and makes things a little fairer for everyone. So, can we keep this little secret between us…” you let your sentence end, realizing you never asked his name, and he holds out his free hand.

“Joel.” He says and you shake his hand.

“Well, Joel, I’ll tell you what. I’ll agree to help you get your paper in order if you agree to not get me fired. Fair deal?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He says politely.

You spend the rest of the day walking Joel through essay structures, grammar mistakes, and thesis issues. His argument is strong but it needs to be more concise and punchier. When you try to explain it to him in those terms, he looks at you like you’re from Mars. Eventually, after a little too much flirty small talk, he tells you about his dad’s construction company and you learn to put flowery, over dramatic writing advice into clean, neat boxes that he understands completely. Unfortunately, you don’t end up finishing the actual essay before the center closes.

“You’re free to come back tomorrow morning so we can finish this.” You say as you gather your things and stuff them in your backpack. Joel stretches in his chair, his shirt riding up just enough to reveal a gorgeous sliver of tan skin and you have to force your eyes away from the sight.

“D’you live far from here?” He asks, standing and throwing his own backpack over one shoulder. You waffle for a moment, unsure if you want to tell this almost perfect stranger where you live.

“Maybe a ten minute walk. It’s not bad for Austin.”

“Can I walk you home? Since I kept you so late,” he asks. Once again, you hesitate. Joel doesn’t seem like the typical frat guy you’ve come to fear since your time at school. He actually seems gentle and genuine. You turn the thought over a few more times before he throws his hands up. “‘S just an offer to make sure you get home safe. I’ll even carry your backpack for you if you want.” He offers and you smile. You take another second before handing him your heavy backpack. He slings it over his free shoulder and walks to the door to open it for you, keys jingling in your hand as you lock up the writing center for the night. The humid Texas night suffocates you the second you step out into the fading daylight.

“You always carry girls’ backpacks home?” You ask as you start walking in the direction of your apartment. Campus is mostly empty this time of night, everyone crawling home after class to pregame or cry or both. Squirrels patrol the sidewalks for any students who may want to hand them a piece from their bagel or sandwich. Someone honks their horn in distant standstill Austin traffic, and the sun slowly slides behind the Capitol. It’s peaceful.

“Only when I make ‘em read my shitty writing.” He says and you laugh.

“Your writing’s not bad, Joel. It’s actually very good. Essays are just the worst to write.”

“You like ‘em enough to work at the writing center.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it’s what I actually care about,” you shrug. “At this point, I’m a warm body with a clicky pen.”

“Woah there, Kafka. I think you’re a little more than that,” Joel laughs and you have to laugh too. Not only for the perfectly on brand joke but for the tone in his voice. The playful lilt makes your head feel fuzzy. “Alright then, if you don’t like essays and you don’t like Kerouac, what do you like? What do you wanna write?” He asks and you take a deep breath. It’s a question you’ve fielded more than enough times in your college career to know that not many people like your answer.

“I’m not sure yet. I like a little bit of everything.”

“Have you written anythin’ I would’ve read?”

“No,” you laugh. “Probably not.”

“Why’s that funny?” He asks and you shake your head.

“Because nobody wants to publish my work. It’s too… rough.”

“Rough?” He raises his eyebrows at you.

“Yeah. Publishers either want the next Great American Novel or nothing at all, and I am not next Great American Novel material.”

“How do you know?”

“Because nobody’s publishing me.”

“Maybe, you’re not lookin’ in the right places,” he says. “‘M just sayin’ someone as smart as you has to have somethin’ someone will wanna take.”

“Yeah, well, don’t go holdin’ your breath on me, cowboy.”

“Why do you do that?” He asks suddenly and you stop to look at him.

“Do what?” You ask.

“Try and play it off whenever someone compliments you.” He says with glaring honesty. It sets you back in your heels but you quickly recover.

“You’ve only known me for a few hours. How do you know I’m not just incredibly humble?”

“I guess I don’t,” he says. “Could I buy you a drink and figure it out?” It could be the way he, somehow, sees right through you already or the way his brown eyes look in the sunlight but you can’t stop the butterflies in your stomach. You purse your lips together and dare a step closer to him.

“Tell you what, if you get an A on this paper, I’ll let you buy me a drink.” You say.

“And if I fail?” He asks and you shake your head.

“You won’t fail.”

“But what if I do?”

“If you do, you have to…” you search your brain. “Carry my backpack home for me for a week.”

“You drive a hard bargain, ma’am.”

“But I take it Joel Miller’s a bettin’ man.”

“See, smarter than you think.” He quips and you roll your eyes.

“One thing at a time, lover boy.”

Joel ends up getting the highest grade on his essay out of anyone in his class. Dr. Phillips commends his dedication to bettering his first draft and tells him to keep up the good work. “Whatever you did to change this, keep it up.” She says when she places his graded essay on his desk. When he presents the A to you at the writing center, all you can do is applaud him and smile.

“I told you you’d pass.” You say, poking at his firm chest.

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes. “Maybe I just needed a little motivation.”

“Oh, yeah? What was that?”

“I think I was promised a date.” He says cheekily and you nod.

“You were, and my mama raised me to be a woman of my word,” you smile. “Jenny, do you mind closing up for me tonight?” You ask the receptionist and she shakes her head.

“Not at all, darlin’. Have a good night.” She winks at you when Joel turns his back and you stick your tongue out at her.

Say what you will about the writing center but you think a date with a broad, tall, handsome cowboy is the best thing that could’ve come out of that hell hole.

[theosconfessions]

ohhhhhhhhhmygod okay.. I finished! I am all caught up and I have... FEELINGS! 😭 Mostly, I just want to take a moment and say that I LOVE Theo, and I think he deserves a moment of appreciation. Yes, that's right. This man deserves some recognition for the hard work he put into bettering himself and being there for this family.

I get it.. he fucked up.. I mean, he fucked up BIG time. But he worked on himself and he worked on his relationship... and I just want to point out THIS moment... when Dustin was in the hospital, he'd woken up but wasn't himself and Theo was right there by his side through all of it, making sure everything was taken care of (the best he could) and... I just... this line got me "like every other shitty thing we've been through, we'll figure it out together, okay? always together." 🥹 For me, in that moment, he proved that he is worthy of Dustin, and I may have cried a little.

I know he has his faults, and I don't know what's to come in their future, but I'm rooting for them! 💖

oh my godddd what a thing to see after work. Thank you sooooooo so so much for catching up on these boys and their shenanigans . seeing that you love theo is SOOO nice to hear because he really is hard to love sometimes. even im like eh . haha! but hes definitely multi-layered.

he fucked up A LOT and he has in the recent past which we will definitely be getting into but hes not a bad guy or evil. i think with theo the thing is that he tries to give excuses anytime his actions have consequences and back then he started to see that. especially when dustin was in the hospital. granted his stress wasnt the only stress that dustin was under but it definitely did not help things with his health at all. theo stepping down and not running things because he wanted to prove that he was faithful had an adverse effect. dustins like just control your dick,man and come to work lol. but if theres one thing steady is that no matter what these boys have gone through. no matter where they stray. they always came right back together and thats something theos never had before. sure he had marlee but marlee also had jami when they were married lol. this is the first relationship hes been in that is just FOR HIM. and hes attempted to ruin it countless times i think he just doesnt know his worth . maybe he thinks dustins too good for him. probably still does but theres a reason why dustin stays. and dustin himself does not have a squeaky clean past and i think with how 'broken ' they are.. they see 'why' the other does the things they do. which makes it easier to just kinda fall back in line. they always figure it out together <3 no matter where they are or what theyre doing.

nows a unique situation. theos a lot older. dustins taking on more responsibility with not just the teenagers but the two new babies they chose to have. theos kinda end of life crisis-ing out because i think he realized how big of a dickbag hes been. theyve also gone through a lot in the time jump.

i didnt mean to essay but my passion! haha! thank you so so so much you have no idea how this made my day!

[lighttrls]

okay folks i spent last night on the dropout discord not sleeping until i finished Puzzling the spells from timothy’s book so here’s what we’ve got:

jump from jack be nimble for obvious reasons

expeditious retreat from cinderella because she ran away from the ball and i know everyone thinks its jack and the beanstalk but as far as i, a fool, can tell, jack and the beanstalk never went into the book

lesser restoration from old king cole because brennan literally states that the old king cole rhyme grants tim the spell lesser restoration

calm emotions from the unfinished hey diddle diddle nursery rhyme (the cow jumped over the moon, the dish ran away with the spoon) i guess mostly just because of process of elimination—the spider from little miss muffet went to scheherezade, sleeping beauty wasn’t in the book yet i don’t think, drosselmeyer didn’t get written in the book he just disappeared

and then itsy bitsy spider granted a spell that was too high level—timothy is a level 4 bard and therefore knows up to level 2 spells. web (the most spidery spell) and spider climb (which would make some sense for itsy bitsy) are both level 2 spells, so it can’t be either of those. i think it’s probably water walk, a level 3 spell, because for me at least, that makes more sense than some kind of weather control like people were theorizing

also a lot of people were saying silvery barbs came from senator the ram but senator is first of all, part of king cole’s story, and second of all, tim had silvery barbs before they even met senator (he tried to use it when one of bandlebridge’s guys was yelling at pinocchio), and also silvery barbs wasnt one of the ones ally listed as tim getting them from the book

[thekimspoblog]

More chatting about BCS w/ @brilliantalpaca

Them: I read the whole thing, Ill reblog it later because there is some stuff I want to give my two cents on

But this is wild to me

Hello? He graduated from law school? Why is blud in charge of the mail?

Me: I mean OP is right; Jimmy isn't OWED a partnership at HHM. The problem is that when Jimmy and Kim ACCEPTED that the firm wasn't going to promote them and struck out on their own, HHM still interfered. I do think Jimmy has a bit of a NiceGuy complex, but not nearly as badly as Walt did. "NiceGuys finish last, so if you're pulling ahead you were never really that nice" is definitely a theme of BCS. But "Who is watching the watchers? Who gets to decide who the gatekeeper is?" is also a theme. Plus... Kim is a god and when she asks for something, you give it to her or you die. Granted, Howard and Chuck had no way of knowing that last part, but still.

Them: The whole middle part is so cracked

Cooked with gas

In any case, and considering Jimothy started a law firm inside a beauty parlor, I think he would have been happy at HMM the second he stopped to push a cart, at least for a while

Like, I dont think the man is ambitious for power or a title or authoritas, but for respect

Thats why he leaves the firm at... You know, the cocobono table place, sorry its been a while

So I think if his brother had respected him a little bit more, well

Me: On the one hand, he just wanted to work next to his brother and his girlfriend. But like... he got that opportunity with Davis and Mainn and he hated it. That place was stuffy; he needed his freedom. It's one thing for Chuck to say "I don't think my brother would be a good fit at my firm. Even if he is talented, his eccentricities are a liability; I don't want to hire him"; I mean that's basically the same conclusion Kim reached. The problem is we never see Howard do any actual work, so the impression we get is that HHM siphons off labor from its employees, then refuses to compensate them adequately or even acknowledge their role as contributing partners. And again, there was definitely some sort of discrimination going on with the way Chuck penalized Kim for associating with Jimmy.

Them: They also put him an intern-copter on his ass, which would sit badly with anyone

And Chuck actively tried to prevent him to practice

Which is very messed up

Me: Again, I can't really blame them. Frankly Jimmy should have treated Erin with more respect; she had worked there longer and even if she was kind of passive aggressive about it, she was just trying to show him the ropes.

Them: I can't blame them either, but thats because I know Jimmy

In any case, trusting the narrative at one hundred percent and confusing Jimmy with a poor little meow meow is something I'm guilty of

Ill admit that

When he usually makes his own bed

Me: Under normal circumstances, I would say wanting to get someone disbarred for sabotaging you is pretty understandable. But again, Chuck started it by stealing Mesa Verde. Jimmy loved Chuck, but he wanted Chuck to admit that he too could be a bit of a hypocrite and a sleazebag. That he wasn't better than Jimmy. And the truth is he really wasn't.

Them: He really really wasnt, he just dressed it up better

Chuck is such an university profesor its insane, they nailed him

Me: To by a hypocrite is to be human. And honestly I think you're an irresponsible lawyer if you CAN'T acknowledge your own biases.

Them: I also didnt realize that yeah, we never see Howard doing... Work on his own, huh?

Like he's there at meetings, with Chuck at the Mesa Verde hearing

But what does he *do*

Me: I assume Howard does actually do quite a bit of paperwork. But this is a tv show, so if they didn't want us to see him as a symbol of the owning class, as a wage thief, they should have framed the story differently.

Them: It is implied, if not stated, hes riding his dad coat tails, right?

I dont know, he may actually just... Be there

Well, no, hes at court at times

Because if we didnt had anything, you know, to a point that becomes a conscious choice even if hes a secondary character ok a tv show

Me: The main reason I'm inclined to cut Jimmy some slack is that on some level, Jimmy knows that he's just plain bad at making choices for himself. He wants to be bossed around, just by someone he trusts. He spent half his life outsourcing his ethical code to his brother, and the other half just following whatever marching orders his wife gave him. So at least in the later seasons of BCS, the best defense to the idea that Jimmy is a bad person is simply "That part was Kim's idea; you want to complain, take it up with management". Right or wrong, he's a man who can biblically submit to his wife; that kind of puts him in a whole other moral universe.

Them: The show also makes ir very easy to fall into the "Jimmy logic hole", where everything he does gets justified by a slight that happened six episodes ago

Me: But like I said, this is why him going to prison is kinda fucked. Instead of growing the hell up and thinking for himself for once, Jimmy surrenders and turns his agency over to the ultimate daddy; the government.

Them: Lel true

Thats actually a good reading

Me: I think it's best to think of Hamlin-Hamlin-McGill-McGill-and-Wexler as just one big firm that ended up cannibalizing itself; neither half of the entity ever became fully independent from the other, and eventually fighting over clients sunk both halves of the business. Kind of fitting with the theme of wildflowers growing on an unmarked grave, I like to think about Iris's relationship to that business and that building. This big, bombastic story we spent six years chronicling, in just two short decades nothing will be remembered about it besides a "how I met your mother" anecdote. George Hamlin wanted to build a family business... well, he got one.

Them: The causes of the firm's undoing bring writing on its own foundation

You know, George Hamlin bringing his son and Chuck bringing his brother

Kim getting dragged into the drama of the whole thing and doing what she does in the show

Me: yes exactly

Them: It all becomes inevitable

Me: Instead of having a long(er) life in prison, my timeline ends with Jimmy dying at age 69 from a heart-attack while fleeing a protest-turned-riot, being remembered as a beloved patriarch martyred for a righteous cause. It's a happier ending than what Vince and Peter would leave him to, but it's still supposed to feel a little perverse: this was the path Kim put him on when she got him out on parole, and on some level she knew this. Iris blames their mother for what happened, and they're not wrong, but at this point remorse is an emotion that doesn't come easily to Kim anymore. She gave him the best life she could, but nothing lasts forever. Still, nothing is set in stone. Jimmy will be a martyr for Kim's revolution if he lets her make him one. But saying "no" to her - AND MEANING IT - is the hardest thing to do. Especially when he knows she's right; that Iris is going to inherit a police state if the parents don't act preemptively.

[prickly-pores]

mid2023

this app is such a time capsule for me. so many bad memories, so many good, so much growth has occured since i went on here daily for escape, inspiration, community, looking for meaning and solace. damn. my emotions are gratittude and pride rn. love to see it. 

life update wise time, this year, my little sister, newly18, moved in. I spent many weeks planning for, shopping for, and building her dream bedroom, full of bookshelves, fairylights, art, her first double bed, and even a window seat that I handmade using my growing tool collection, and i feel really good and warm about that. While i didn’t move out of home myself until i was sure she’d be safe, I was still worried for her. So its just good to be able to watch over her and keep guiding her through life n healing from the the scars of our childhood. I’m very grateful that my partner and I can provide her with a safe loving home environment to live out the rest of her teens. Especially given the housing and rental market these days. Having a the level of housing security we have is also just something i’ll truly never take for granted. 

I guess thats another thing I’m proud of this year. I’ve put so much blood, sweat and tears into making this house a home, I’ve taught myself so many skills from plumbing, tiling, plastering, carpentry, landscaping and how to use countless power tools. I’ve taken sledge hammers to walls, I’ve pulled up flooring and replaced it, I’ve trimmed out doors, I’ve hung doors, I’ve built cabinets and cabinet doors even benchtops from scratch, I’ve built so many bookshelves and painted so many walls, I’ve reupholstered, I’ve made and hung curtains, I’ve just taught myself so many skills and shown so much determination and pluck in the face of adveristy. I’ve pulled mutiple 80hr work weeks to finish projects I thought would be a simple weekend job. I’ve truly put my heart into this house and I am just so impressed with myself. True, I look around me now and see 101 unfinished projects, but I’ve progressed things so far, and for the first time ever in my life i’ve let myself really see my adhd as something to work with not against and the results have been astounding.... 

Relationship wise. no doubt about it. i am in deep. I used to think that deep love like this wasnt real or sustainable. or that it meant a type of unhealthy enmeshment. but i think ive realised, as scary as it is, u do just gotta be vulnerable, you’ve got to let them guards down to let someone in, to let yourself be cared for, to care for another, and i’ve never felt love like this before. every year that passes i feel closer to him than ever before. i dont believe in one off soul mates, yet our connection does feel like whatever people are getting at when they use that word. wild times. 

Overall checkin wise, I’m starting to feel more like my old self, or should i say my young self, that young girl who used to be full of energy, love and cheek. And that’s something I never would’ve imagined was possible. It really does get better... when you put the work in and find good people to surround yourself with, when u work thru your trauma with a therapist, when u have a partner whos willing to learn and grow with you, who serves as a corrective experience, as a model of secure attachment, age old wounds can begin to heal... 

anyway, its nippy outside rn and i just feel the biggest urge to go for a walk in a wide open field, climb to the peak, and yell into the wind. so imma go do that. 

[1eos]

Hope you dont mind me jumping on this bandwagon of hating on victor miss kendra but please tell me i wasnt the only one side eyeing him yuri perform that sexy when he was uncomfy with that? Like leave him alone??? Stop forcing your idea of sex appeal down on him??? Phichit would never fucking do this? Plus that blonde minor's kid pure love innocence routine....idk its like if jyp was a white russian to me.

WHITE RUSSIAN JYPOFAOPLFAFPA[FPAFKAVGJAJGJAFJFAFLKALKF IM HOLLERINGGGGGGGGGG. but yeah. i actually love the trope of more innocent characters having a killer sexy side but with yoi its not really hitting bc victor kinda shows up and pushes yuri into it. and the shy one + pushy bold one dynamic relies on the shy one having some initiative and the bold one being likeable and victor just was not likeable enough for me to enjoy their energy together kgakgkag. it was giving more 'im gonna steamroll over my fan and change him to my liking'. granted i didnt finish yoi so MAYBE it got better but eyedk that man showed up and was like you're fucking fat lose some weight and seduce me on ice like ofc the white guy is making it all abt him! 😭😭😭😭😭😭and iirc they even had parts where yuri was able to be alluring in his own way when he practiced alone have HIM want it! he the main character!

[pwblogarchive]

August 2004

August 9, 2004

“Dear Queen Of Hearts Killer”

we finished shooting the video- i dont want to give it away but it is our darkest video yet, see: basement face punches and playing cards. youll be able to see it soon. we have more suprises in store. cruise over to the alternative press site and tell em thanks for putting us on the cover or that you hate them and us and the world. oh yeah, another installment up over at the fueledbyramen journal- im not gonna put up too much more because i dont want to give it all away- peterpan

ps- as much as you wish you were me, i wish i was you so much more

August 9, 2004

for all the trophy boys and sleep over princes - for all the bruised thighs and smokedout eyes:

i am a zombie who doesn’t want to live, a corpse bored with my own funeral. we live like gypsies only with less gold and maybe more curses. people say you can’t run away from your problems (we are the problem). well thats just shit. cause i’ve spent 20 years on the run and i can’t remember most of the problems that started this (maybe thats been the problem all along). it’s funny. you become a different person when you don’t have a home. you take for granted sleeping in the same bed, looking at the same clocks, waking up with a rug underneath your feet. the world looks different from the back of a van- and rest stops and hardwood floors. we are ghosts with addresses in ghost towns. no matter how much you clean yourself, your clothes and your pillow it never really gets clean, neither does your memory. it never lets go of that smokey, cold/wet feeling. if there was a word for what i am looking for right now it would definitely sound like her name. at some point you wanted her innocence for your own. to breathe in every single breath that she breathed out, to taste her spit- to feel how she feels to fall asleep next to you and to be let down for the first time. 

when i leave could you please say your sheets would never be the same and that maybe you even missed my smell just a little bit?

- petey

August 11, 2004

“Sugar We’re Going Down Swingin”

we are having a blast on warped tour so far. it is hot. french canada is awesome cause there are all kinds of weird candy bars and sodas and girls are pretty. come out and tell hey chris he is a hottie with a body at our merch tent. for realz.

call me up and tell me you are doing okay.

that would make my day.

me plus you 4 eva.

peterpan

September 2, 2004

noone ever fell in love with anyone because of empty pockets or red splotched eyes. drove around for hours tonight just to keep myself from feeling anchored. weighed down. to keep my mind off thinking about what kids like me deserve. desperation isnt a strong enough word (but it will have to do). my wrists are only black and blue cause i don’t got the balls. nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. i got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. i got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. we’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it. im the latest bloomer (dried out my wet dreams and saved them for a rainy day). i can still see you standing on my front porch- slowed my own thoughts down to a single blade of grass. you couldnt catch my eye cause i was too busy rolling them. the buttons on one side of your coat that wouldnt snap on the other side. they were just for fashion not for function you told me. you were pretty for a boy. it made me laugh when i thought of it, im sorry i wasnt laughing at what you were saying. it makes me laugh still- when im driving around for hours at night. id love to swerve off and blame it on the fog, but ive been talking on these roads too much lately. theyd spill all my secrets. this city won’t let me go. im sure theyd lock me up somewhere if anyone saw me at 23 sneaking into cemetaries. taking pills to make me feel okay sleeping in the grass just above you. the sirens find me at the first light. my lips cracked and dried from the tears, i'll probably die a cliche. flash the lights to kissing boys. provocative. i promise you i wont ever have another afternoon like when we used to sneak out of school and drive the lakeshore. noone will ever sound as cool as you. we built cool. we made up style. we set the standard and theyre all just trying to live up to it. if theres nobody who thinks like us anymore. untouchable is unlovable. you always have me humming in my head just out of key. i bought an alarm clock just so i could hit the snooze button. whats the point in getting out of bed anymore if you only get out to say you did. if you could love the biggest fraud or the best liar- then im your prince. i was made just for fashion not for function.

- petey

[wadesprincessboy]

I went to synagogue with the author up until a few years ago. Shes a total hypocrite. She was never excluded at synagogue! Also, she can shut up about knowing all about the Jews of Aotearoa cause she's literally American. Ive been to her house, shes super rich and all that so yeah shes privileged, but that doesnt mean we all are.

When she first started talking about being "Jewish not zionist" the community accepted her, so long as she understood not all would agree with her. She had many friends at shul when I went at least.

It feels like a slap in the face to hear her say Jewish people in Aotearoa are privileged and what not, and that we dont experience housing crisis or food insecurity. Im currently very poor. Below poverty line. My family maxed the amount of emergency food grants we can get in a year because of food insecurity. My family was homeless for a year, living out of a car in a campsite in a dodgey area. And we sure as hell arent the only Jewish people in the country that have lived like this. Not even the only ones we know personally. The government doesnt give two shits about us, and because of family drama we were shunned by the local Jewish community for years so couldnt ask anyone for help.

And, on the topic of Jewish people not facing antisemitism here, how can Marilyn explain the feeling of unsafety every time i wear a magen david necklace? The disgusted looks my mother got when wearing a shirt with hebrew writing at pride? The fact that when my class was made to read boy in the striped pajamas in school, not only were our concerns ignored about the antisemitism of the book itself, but it lead to the atrocities of the holocaust becoming a running JOKE at my school. I was teased constantly for saying that it wasnt ok to laugh about the books content. I was told i should be gassed because i called out a kid for doing a nazi salute in class. Not a single teacher did anything. In fact i was told off for complaining and being too sensitive! Even when I was a small child, I was bullied for being Jewish. Got called awful nicknames due to my Hebrew birth name, and told I was going to hell and i was a "jesus-killer" who should die. I was 11 when my best friend at the time said that. I had my artwork ripped up by a teacher because i drew a happy hannukah card for my mum instead of a merry Christmas card. I was 6. My friend once knowingly tricked me into eating pork because she knew it wasnt allowed and she thought it would make me Christian if i ate pork.

My mother was called slurs at work. She has been abused and assaulted throughout her life for simply existing as a visibly Jewish woman. My best friend told me I was a fascist and she couldnt speak to me anymore because i dared say that what happened on oct 7 was bad (she has since apologised and we are chill again but ????). My mother once made a facebook post that lead to our friends, people that came to my birthday parties, people that my mother worked with, stalking her facebook and sending dozens of death threats and messages saying "hitler shouldve finished the job" "we dont want people like you here" and sending her graphic images of the holocaust. And all that facebook post was? Her saying anti asian racism is bad. She said racism is bad and got attacked because of a selfie she posted prior that showed she is Jewish.

I have disconnected myself so far from Judaism due to fear of being hated, of losing friends, of being hurt. It got to the point where I started going to church and convinced myself i could be Christian, because that was safe. I haven't so much as acknowledged a Jewish holiday in years because I told myself I couldnt be Jewish. If it were up to me and it was safe I would wear a kippah every day. I would go to synagogue, i would pray, i would say "no thanks" when offered non-kosher food. But instead, i do none of those things. I will eat the ham sandwich or whatever it is, because im scared of the questions ill be asked if i say no. I wouldn't dare wear a kippah or dress in anyway that signifies im Jewish in public, because in this city there are posters everywhere you turn about boycotting israel, Palestinian flags everywhere, big israeli flags with ❌ over them. I know that isn't necessarily anti Jewish, but what you must understand is that in this city, the people who put those posters up, do not like Jewish people. They are the people that glare at pride when my mum walks past in her hebrew pride shirt. The majority of them will treat me like shit. Not to mention my home town, an hour out of the big city, is full of neo nazis. The kids i went to school with walk around the town and spray paint swastikas on every bus stop, they wind down their windows and scream nazi shit out the window at passers by. It got to the point where my mother said we had to hide any obviously Jewish stuff from outside view, and we had to keep our heads down in public because we could be hatecrimed on our own street. Luckily that has calmed down now and we're a bit safer, but its still scary.

If Jewish people were a privileged group in Aotearoa, Id be safe in my own city would I not? Id feel comfortable refusing non-kosher food and being visibly Jewish.

Read those stories and tell me Jewish people dont experience antisemitism in this country and that we're privileged.

Marilyn is incredibly privileged and said herself she doesnt connect with the Jewish community, so why is she speaking for us?

Sorry for the rant, i just read that article and was appalled. The spinoff sucks half the time anyway, but to see their guest author being someone i know denying the prejudice our people face? That hurt.

I urge anyone else who is in Aotearoa and is Jewish to speak up and show this person that she is wrong and clearly out of touch from the reality we face as Jews. In fact, even if you're not Jewish, if you experience(d) antisemitism, feel free to share, because i know that not just Jews, but anyone perceived as Jewish, faces antisemitism.

This is the biggest crock of shit to come out

I know plenty of poor jews, who have housing issues and food issues, but the community rallies together to help them so they can survive. The government and other community groups do not help, it's people at synagogue who help. I actually know people who have had a harder time getting help from the government with benefits as "because they're jewish, they should be rich and are likely trying to scam the government". - real thing said to a jew I know who tried to get on the benefit (social welfare).

Also she is literally pushing the jews are all rich antisemitism trope

It is not privileged to live life being seen as sub human, which I had gone through. Literally no joke, I was treated as sub human for years at school because I was jewish and no one did anything about it.

I know a jew who is currently being discriminated against at work for being jewish.

Then on the topic of her being excluded from synagogue, all the reform synagogues in the country pray for people in Gaza, they denounce Israel's actions. Even a few of the orthodox synagogues do too!

The only way you would be excluded is if you wished harm upon those in Israel, which is a valid reason to be excluded as there are plenty of jews with family in Israel, and you would be wishing harm on your fellow shul goers family.

Whilst I am glad that her experience has mainly been a positive one as a jew in Aotearoa, it is not reflective of the overall jewish communities' experience.

As she said herself, she does not connect with the majority of the Jewish community, so she should not speak on experiences of the wider jewish community as a whole.

[away-ward]

"I have to laugh 🤣 He got trauma and he still didn’t understand. Sometimes you have to wonder if Will is too dumb for emmy or just so self absorbed that he doesn’t care about her enough 😭"

Oof anon, your comment on will's reaction to his trauma and emmy's abandonment was really harsh 😅 I have read KO's post about will and i agree with his pov on the whole situation. Willemmy was flawed and i love that in nightfall we finally got to see a couple that actually destroy each other, rather than stupid misunderstanding like in corrupt and killswitch. At least when pd said em's gonna be the bitchier ones among the girls, she delivered, and i was here for it! She wasn't fully innocent (unlike rika), i ate that up!! I dont understand why we gotta read dark romance, expect only the MMC to ruck up, and suddenly had to paint em as this innocent girl or woman or something, as if she did not had a fair share to will's ruin? Wasnt this what you hated about what pd did to rika and winter (Other than their appearance and dull characterisation)? Because rika and winter didn't fully deliver their bitchy roles, but were always said that they hurt michael and damon a lot. But finally when we meet emory and we saw her hurting will, we wanna change up her characterisation now? Weird.

Now, as much as i like damon and emory's bond, it still doesnt take away the fact that damon was never always the best "friend" to her, we only saw some crumbs of them here and there, but even then, there were more interpretation than outright declaraction of friendship about these two in canon. It also doesn't take away the fact that damon was a fucking piece of shit to everyone, especially to rika banks and winter, and til this day, i still don't understand why rika got more hate essays than damon. Because if i fucking catch that mf damon, he'd be finished frfr. Just on the basis of all the things he had said to rika alone, made him deserving of execution, now if we add up all of his sins with rika, winter, michael, kai and will, i hope he never gets any happy ending in whatever afterlife he was thrown in, lmao! I'm annoyed at rika, but i fucking hate damon, alright and the hate towards him is so lesser than rika's, why? He was more insufferable than her though? Lets increase the damon hate too, bring back those incompetent damon torrance slander, because we know he fckn need and deserve lots of them.

And did i memtion that i was the anon that gave the unpopular opinion? Yeah, alright. The anon that replied to me had missed a lot of my points, but thanks KO for the intervention, and yes, your interpretation of my ask was similar to what i originally thought when i posted that long ask. I also agree 100% with KO that if i was emmy, i wouldve ditched will forever and never return to Thunder Bay, granted that i wouldnt even hangout with people like the horsemen and i hope i never will. But like i said, i wasnt emmy, you're not emmy, we werent emmy, so i/you/we cant say exactly whats best for her tbh. We can only have headcanons to fix whatever things we wanna fix from canon, and things we wish pd wrote instead, so yes, that's why i said it's a fan's wish fulfillment, but we'll not always get what we want. When you insisted about how pd should write something, you almost sound like how will must have sounded to emmy when he kept urging her to do something even when she didnt owe him anything. That's the kind of entitlement that i was talking about. It wasnt a great feeling right? Yeaaaah. Sounds harsh but yeah sometimes we dont notice that we mirror the same behaviour we criticise. Basically atp, just write our own fanfics. In one corner of my head, im able to accept canon, but in the other corner of my head, willemmy exist happily in love and were only with their companies, there arr no martin, aydin, alex, damon, or even michael, or kai to get in between them. The willemmy in my delulu mind just live happily ever after, and always choose each other above eveyrthing else. Not because pd wrote so, but because im delusional af and cant fully accept canon HAHAHAH 🤣☠️ we just gotta laugh at the pain brothers and sisters 🤞 it really be like that here in pendouglas land. Once this series slowly dies out from my mind, imma ditch this series and move onto something else. Something more fun. Other than that, I dont have much else to add to the conversation though so im ending it here. Thank you for your replies on my original post KO, i like to hear your thoughts on them, i also dont have anything to reply to your roelies of my ask.

Good day ahead to you and everyone!

Hey! Happy to hear from you again. I was wondering if you were going to respond or disappear.

Willemmy was flawed and i love that in nightfall we finally got to see a couple that actually destroy each other,

This is true, but I hadn’t really framed it this way in my mind before.

I’d still place most of the blame on Will for making assumptions and going forward as if those assumptions were fact. But I’ve talked before how I don’t feel Emory is fully innocent, like you said. People are allowed to act on emotion and make mistakes. But just because we understand and sympathize with the way Emory behaved doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong, doesn’t mean she didn’t let her pride get the in the way.

Just because a snake bites you in defense, doesn't mean you're not going to die from it.

I love Emory. I love her for not being completely collapsing in the face of everything that happened to her. For having passions, despite all her obstacles. I love her for being angry and mean. My heart hurts when she acts out of desperation, because I can understand her just wanting. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t mess up. And loving someone even though they’ve made mistakes and messed up and were mean, I think, is not something to be ashamed of.

She wasn't fully innocent (unlike rika), i ate that up!! I dont understand why we gotta read dark romance, expect only the MMC to ruck up, and suddenly had to paint em as this innocent girl or woman or something, as if she did not had a fair share to will's ruin?

What if we had a genderbent Willemmy?

Sorry. That’s not directly related to what you said, but comparing how we treat MMC and FMC, I wondered if we would still be just as angry with Will if he were Willow and if Emory were Emerson, or something.

it still doesnt take away the fact that damon was never always the best "friend" to her, we only saw some crumbs of them here and there, but even then, there were more interpretation than outright declaraction of friendship about these two in canon.

Oh yeah, absolutely. The idea of them having a strong friendship is all HC, inspired by the last gazebo scene in NF when Damon gave her the canister; that he kept it safe for her. I couldn’t help but wonder what his plan for it was. It seemed like such an unusual, thoughtful thing for him to do, and my imagination just flew from there. Him defending her before and them working together after everything added to that.

KO for the intervention, and yes, your interpretation of my ask was similar to what i originally thought when i posted that long ask.

Okay, good. Sometimes I’m taking a stab in the dark as to what people are saying. Happy that I at least got the gist of where you were going.

We can only have headcanons to fix whatever things we wanna fix from canon, and things we wish pd wrote instead, so yes, that's why i said it's a fan's wish fulfillment, but we'll not always get what we want. When you insisted about how pd should write something, you almost sound like how will must have sounded to emmy when he kept urging her to do something even when she didnt owe him anything.

Yeah, in a way I get what you’re saying. Whether or not PD told the story they wanted to tell or let other people influence them, PD doesn’t owe each and every fan exactly what they want. And PD’s not the first author who didn’t deliver on what they promised.

I will say that a lot of people are upset by how much the other characters took over NF, and I can’t argue with that. I felt the same. But at a certain point, I have to accept that PD’s ideas for the character are not the same as mine, and that’s okay. They created the characters, and they own them, but they also haven’t stopped us from creating our own reality with them. In fact, on their website in that FAQ, they all but encourage us to continue living in the world as long as we want, telling ourselves the stories we want. They're not gatekeeping the characters.

In one corner of my head, im able to accept canon, but in the other corner of my head, willemmy exist happily in love and were only with their companies, there arr no martin, aydin, alex, damon, or even michael, or kai to get in between them. The willemmy in my delulu mind just live happily ever after, and always choose each other above eveyrthing else. Not because pd wrote so, but because im delusional af and cant fully accept canon

This is exactly how I approach Willemmy too! I never needed the author to tell me explicitly what happened to them because I just… filled it in myself?

Yeah, and maybe it is delulu of me. But I’m happy with it.

Once this series slowly dies out from my mind, imma ditch this series and move onto something else

I hope you escape the DN brain rot soon. If you don’t reach out again, it was nice speaking with you, and I hope your next fixation is fun, whatever it is.

-KO

[tendouluvr]

aizawa calling you clingy - gn reader

- [attempt at] angst to fluff

- warnings: being called clingy, aizawa gets annoyed with reader and berates them, one use of the word ‘shit’

- wc: 1.9k

a/n: this wasnt......as sad as i wanted... i cant tell if im just not so good at writing angst or immune to it T_T

once again, not edited!

#! aizawa!!!! eee

#! hes a levelheaded man so arguments are rare

#! u both trust one another so theres no reason to have doubts in ur relationship

#! being his s/o, he tells u things thats not so easy to tell others over time, and you’re patient enough to let him take however much time he needs to let u in

#! however, years of keeping to himself most of the time doesnt just disappear even if you’re his s/o

#! so aizawa does have this tendency to close off and distance himself from u bc of his stress and insecurities

walking through the spacious halls of ua, you were headed towards your lovely boyfriend. aizawas been pretty busy lately with teaching his class, making sure no one is being left behind progress wise, doing his job as a pro-hero, and then spending his free time training with shinsou.

you knew showing up at school unexpectedly was something aizawa found irky, that’s why you made sure to tell him the night before that you would be coming during lunch time to bring him some yummy homemade food.

humming softly to yourself, you finally reached the door opening to class 1-A and walked in. the classroom was empty, but there at the front was no one other than mr. aizawa shouta. you quickly greeted him with a smile and he turned to look at you.

“what are you doing here?” he slowly asked with a look of confusion.

“i brought you some food! did you eat yet? i hope not, i made-,” you quickly stopped talking once you noticed the look he was giving you.

“why are you here? i already told you, you shouldnt be showing up without letting me know first. our relationship is quiet, if the students see they’ll get noisy and ask questions, i’ll get bombarded by my colleagues, and it’ll put you in danger if words get out. did anyone see you coming here? can you listen to me for once instead of continuing to always be near me? you’re so damn clingy and need to start thinking about the consequences your action will bring. i already ate, just go home before anything happens.”

your jaw dropped a little after hearing what he just said to you. did he not remember what you told him last night?

worst of all, you couldnt believe he just called you clingy. you just wanted to do something nice for him by making his favorite food hoping that it’ll relieve some of the stress thats been building up, but he just thought of you as clingy.

fine, if clingy is what you are then you’ll stop bothering him. you quickly whispered an apology, not sure if he could hear or not, and began making your way back home as fast as possible. the food you made for him was still tightly grasped in your hand.

due to the new dormitories, aizawa stays at ua majority of the time. he comes home to your shared apartment whenever he can to spend time with you. unfortunately, those time aren’t usually much because as soon as he’s free, he’s quick to do something else.

once you’ve made it home, you packed the food away and put it in the fridge. you felt your phone buzzing repeatedly, already guessing who it could possibly be, you took it out to see it was your boyfriend.

shou <3: im sorry

shou <3: honey, im so sorry. pls text me back when u can

shou <3: i know what i said hurted u, but i promise u i dont mean it. pls just call me or text me so we can talk about this

shou <3: i have to go back now. but i love u. so much.

staring at your screen, you contemplated texting him back.

letting out a sigh, you decided not to.

putting your phone to the side, you walked to the bedroom and changed out of your clothes into the comfy pjs you were wearing right before you left.

seeing that there was nothing for you to do other than wallow in your insecurities and let out a few tears, you got into bed and made yourself comfortable for an afternoon nap.

aizawa on the other hand was at school and distracted. his own words kept replaying over and over in his head and all he wants to do is smack himself a few times (after comforting u ofc).

his students could tell he was in a badder mood than usual so they collectively agreed to not worsen it (one particular student does not care. can u guess?). aizawa just wanted the day to pass so he can apologize to you directly and make it up with some cuddling.

despite being distracted with planning his apology and thinking about you, he was still teaching as he should and constantly telling his students to be quiet because he’s intimidating like that.

a few hours passed, the students are back in their dorms and some of the teachers are still in school finishing up some work. the hallways were empty and silent, and the weather outside was nice and calm - not too sunny with just the right amount of wind.

however, if you were to peek your head inside of class 1-A at the moment, the environment is an exact 180. aizawa is quickly trying to grade the remaining stack of papers he has on his desk so he can leave as soon as he can. there’s papers everywhere, he’s not so sure where the answer key went off to but to hell with the answer key. he just needs to go home.

his hair is messily tied up and his lips have probably been gnawed off by now. as soon as school ended, he got out his phone to see if you replied and sadly you didn’t. he doesn’t blame you though, considering all of the shit he said to you earlier. 

finally writing down the fat score in red pen onto the final paper, he gathers everything and put to the side of his desk and packed up his stuff. his stuff being his yellow sleeping bag and that’s it.

he went to his room first to clean himself up a bit, and then grabbed a taxi to go to your shared apartment. arriving at the front door, he takes out his copy of the key and entered.

first thing he noticed while entering and taking off his shoes was that the apartment was dark and quiet. he made his way to the kitchen first and turned on its lights to check the fridge. in the fridge laid the food you made for him earlier today. he took it out to start heating it up in the microwave then he walks away from the food and to your bedroom.

quietly opening the door, he poked his head in to see you laying on your side with your back facing the door. he assumed you were asleep and gently closed the door to not wake you up. he made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. 

you, feeling the bed dip, slowly opened your eyes to be greeted with the sight of your boyfriend gingerly brushing his fingertips across your cheekbones. he notices that you’re awake and looks up to meet your eyes.

making eye contact with him, you quietly grunted and brought the blanket up to cover your face while turning your entire body to the other side to ignore him. aizawa sighed and brought his hand down to rest on your waist as he begins talking.

“yn... i know you’re.. mad at me for the things i said to you earlier, but i’m truly sorry. i know saying i didn’t mean it isn’t good enough for you to forgive me, but i want you to know i’m really really sorry. i’ve been so busy for the past few days, my head is all over the place, seeing you at school just got me overthinking and worried that i ended up saying things about you that’s not true at all. i love you so much, hun. you’re the best thing to happen to me. you don’t have to forgive me now, i understand if you want some space.”

it was silent for some time after he finished his apology. the echoing silence was slowly making aizawa worried that you’ll leave him, but he won’t tell you that. thinking that you wanted space, he lifted his shaky hand off of your waist and moved to get off of the bed when you suddenly grabbed onto his hand to keep him there.

“i...i told you the day before that i was going to be visiting you during lunch time. did you not remember? or even hear me tell you?”

aizawa situated himself back down onto the bed before replying. “if i’m being honest, i don’t really remember much of that day at all. my brain was occupied with work and rest, so i was practically drained by the end of the night. i’m sorry i took it out on you, it’s my fault for overworking when i know you’ve been trying to help.”

letting out a soft sigh, you turned your body back towards him. still holding onto his hand, you carefully slotted your fingers in between his and pulled him down to lay with you. he immediately found comfort in this and placed his head into your neck. you could feel his facial hair against your skin making you let out a quiet giggle.

“i love you. i know you have a habit to overwork since that’s all you did before we dated, but please shou, take care of yourself. im not talking physically, cuz you’re already so damn fine, but mentally. i hate seeing you bury yourself in work and training that it even makes me tired just watching you.”

he grumbled something against your neck - his usual reaction to you complimenting him - and held onto you tighter while putting light kisses on your collarbone.

“i know. i will. please bear with me, i know i’m a pain but i’ll always try to be my best for you. i’m never letting you go, love you too much for that.”

“hmm? who said i’m going? you’re stuck with me forever just so you know,” you laughed and patted his head before rising from the bed.

“i heard you heating up the food earlier. get up and come eat,” you tugged aizawa to get him off the bed.

he grumbled once again because he was being forced to leave the warm comfort of your shared bed, but followed you out anyway holding onto your hand.

“wait. you heard me entering? so you were pretending to sleep when i got here?! not funny, babe. not funny. -also don’t take sleep for granted. i did and look where that got me. stop laughing!”

bonus:

it was the next day and aizawa just finished passing out the grades he rushed grading yesterday. even though it was rushed, he was confident that there wasn’t any mistakes-

“aizawa sensei, you marked this question wrong when it’s right. this one too. and this other one on the last page. are you trying to fail me?!” denki dramatically wailed as he showed aizawa his papers.

guess he did make mistakes after all.

[you-did-well-moon]

Day6 Reaction to s/o learning their instrument while they're away

Type: Fluff, angst in Dowoon dont know what happened wasnt me

Word Count: 2.865

A/n: I took some creative freedom with why they were away but that is it. Keep in mind, I have no experience with instrument except for when I played the piano in 5th grade for like two weeks. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! - Moon

TW: small cuts, fight, second hand embarrassment

Sungjin

Sungjin was absolutely and devastatingly exhausted. His own guitar case felt like it was weighing him down tremendously, and he had a huge headache. Jae and Wonpil arguing in the back of the car was not helping in any way. It has been going on since they left the airport. He rubbed at his temples tiredly pressing his head against the cool window from his place in the passenger seat next to their manager. 

Still, he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips as he thought about seeing you, probably curled up in the couch cheeks puffed from the snack you were inhaling. The pounding in his head lightened at the cute sight he would soon get to enjoy as he played with the loose threads of his old button up shirt. 

True to Sungjin’s imagination, your form was sitting on the couch. Not true to his imagination, you were actually bent over something in your lap, lightly humming and bopping your head to the rhythm being produced by your still clumsy fingers. The guitar in your lap had gotten lighter as the days went by without your boyfriend, and in replacement of his touch, leaving your fingertips warm and tingling, it was small cuts you hadn’t bothered to bandage as it disrupted you when playing.

 You missed Sungjin an abnormal amount. The cold spot in the bed or him making weird faces at you through the mirror in the mirror when brushing your teeth. You missed all of it. With a slight tremble in your chest you started playing the chorus to “You Were beautiful”.

You were so focused on trying to get it right you didn’t notice the door closing only to startle when you slightly looked up through your lidded eyes seeing the shadow looming over the coffee table. With a small yelp of surprise you jumped immediately looking up only to find your boyfriend staring at you with wide eyes. 

His surprised expression made you shrink into yourself. You threw your head into your hands in pure embarrassment letting the guitar gently slide off your lap, hitting the floor with a soft thump. “Can you just pretend you didn’t see that I can’t believe I even tried learning all that by myself I” you cut yourself off with an un-pleased sigh shaking your head and looking at him with pleading eyes. 

Your boyfriend continued in his frozen state for about five seconds before breaking out in the biggest smile rushing around the coffee table in which you panicked trying to get away from him with a squeal, but being too slow im the excitement that was usually in a much dormant state in Sungjin. The wrinkles near the corner of his eyes deepened adoringly, and his chest shook with soft laughter while he held you close. 

There was a fond twinkle in his eye as Sungjin forgot any tiredness that clung to his bones and kissed the tips of your fingertips while maintaining eye contact. He kept your hands encased in his when scolding you for having such low faith in yourself and softly encouraging you. He would probably put little stitch band-aids on your fingertips and continue teaching you, sitting you on his lap and scolding you when you lose focus with a sharp poke at your ribs smiling when you giggled. This man just fell impossibly more in love with you.

“You shouldn’t say those things, look at you love, learning all alone and doing so well. I'm so proud. Would you rather have the elmo band-aids or the stitch band-aids… I don’t know about you but Elmo kinda creeps me out. Just five more minutes little love then you can go mug Young k with Dowoon. Don’t look at me like that! You finally have a teacher and you take him for granted. The audacity-”

Jae

Jae was a thin hair away from just ripping his hair out. He didn’t believe the kpop industry would take very kindly to him going bald, but he had come to a point where he didn’t really care about what people thought anymore. But thinking about you not being able to play with his hair anymore while he drifted off to sleep with his head on your chest severely upset him.

 Jae had gotten stuck in another limbo, stuck in the studio and in his own head desperately trying to finish any of the unfinished songs left in his computer files. He missed you so much, he eventually called it quits, deciding to go home to you, who he hadn’t seen in days.

Just the thought about seeing you energized his previously exhausted self. He never could get sick of you. Every day, every week was a new adventure, a new chapter, all with his favorite person in the world. The night sky, although beautiful, seemed to mock him, reminding him of how late it was, meaning you were most probably asleep. 

Opening the door to his apartment, he heard soft music. He briefly recognized “I Need Somebody”, and thought you were playing it from your phone. All his thoughts came to a halting stop when he saw you perched on the bed, in his shirt, playing the melody of the previously mentioned song.

You had hair falling into your eyes with your eyebrows slightly scrunched trying not to mess up and heavily focused. Jae had loudly yelled in surprise, causing you to flinch and look up shocked at the sudden surprise. When you saw it was just him, you had comically thrown your hands in the air yelling at him about how it was supposed to be a surprise. 

The irritated look on your face vanished as you went up to give him a light hug with a kiss, softly smiling at him. Meanwhile Jae, was completely out of it, lovestruck eyes while he instinctively returned your affection.

“Come Jae, you look like you haven’t slept in ages, your eyes are so sunken babe”, you had softly whispered to him, rubbing the soft skin under his eyes, the way you were always soft with him when he came back from the studio. You slept in the same bed for the first time in what had been days, Jae tightly clutching on to you.

 He may have not been completely there at the moment, but in the morning when he had time to process everything, he was a changed man. He wouldn’t stop laughing and giggling excitedly, eagerly wanting to hear everything you had learnt. He even poked fun at you when you made a mistake. But it was all lovingly as he also praised you non stop while looking at you with his messy hair and big smile next to you on the couch. He had so much inspiration now. To finish what had been left behind.

“Pop off queen who gave you this much talent, you couldn’t even tell me what bass was last time we talked, which was like a week ago. Might just make you play when I don’t feel like playing. Give you a wig and people won’t know the difference! Why are you booing me, I'm right?”

Young K

Young K’s foot tapping on the floor of the car was the only sound that filled the car aside from the soft sound of the car’s engine and tires. He was absolutely spent, having to have stayed in a different city for a show he was invited to that was filmed far away from his home. 

Far away from you. Young K could tell his manager was starting to get irritated, but Young K was already massively annoyed and too far in his own world to really care. He missed the pine scent of his sheets, and he missed you.

It was not a good combination. When he got to his place he quietly thanked the manager,  getting his bag before trying to ignore every urge telling him to run into the building and fall into his soft bed with you in his arms. When he opened the door, your keys were there, so he knew you were in the building. That thought filled him with more relief than it should have. 

He did have to admit, hearing “I smile” this early in the day was odd as you usually saved the more mellow songs for later in the night. Young K told himself he had many euphoric moments in his life, but seeing you staring at a sheet of paper with so much determination and a bass guitar in your arms came pretty close to the top.

The absolute warmth that exploded in his chest was a feeling he would not forget in a long time. He could feel his lips slightly curl up in fondness as your hands shook while your eyes wavered unsurely between your hands on the strings and the video on your laptop sitting further on the edge of the bed. Your face scrunched up before you sighed and stared dejectedly at the instrument on your lap. 

“Why so sad love?" His voice made you instantly sit up, pushing the instrument gently off your lap. You crawled to the edge of the bed where Young K had already gotten closer where he met you tenderly running his hand through your hair, and he curved his hand around the back of your head bringing your forehead to his abdomen.

He brushed his thumb over where your hairline met the sensitive skin of the back of your neck immensely enjoying being back at your side. Your hands were clutching the back of his shirt, and your simple touch brought a warm feeling to his chest. You both leaned back as Young K’s chest started to rumble with laughter “You should have waited for me, it would have been easier if I could teach you”, he softly said, pushing your hair back from your face causing you to lightly laugh.

 “I wanted to surprise you, but I didn’t get that far anyways. Can’t become a prodigy in one day I guess”. Young K smiled again, promising to himself to help you as much as he could as he put his hand fondly on top of your head.

“You’re doing so good, just move your finger up a little, you’re plucking the c chord instead of the e chord during the chorus, don’t look at me like that i’m trying to help?! I wouldn’t put you on my level, but I think you’re doing really well. I’m hungry now, what do you want? No- What do you want? I am okay with anything just tell me-”

Wonpil

Wonpil was trying his hardest not to think about you. From the way you got excited when you got to see the moon in the cloudy sky to the way you smiled when you saw the neighbor’s cat while getting the mail. 

He was happy to be on a trip with her sister, he hadn’t had much time to be with her in recent, well forever really. While you had been invited, you hadn’t been able to attend due to work. Wonpil did his best to keep his mind off you and enjoy the trip, he just hadn’t spent this long without you in a while. 

Even so, he still had a fun time with his sister and her boyfriend creating many memories. He didn’t regret it, but he was extremely happy to come back to you. Opening the door to your apartment, he dropped his suitcase by the door, an excited smile tugging at his lips as he traveled through the apartment with his arms spread knowing you would embrace him as soon as you saw him. He felt so giddy, he didn’t even notice the broken keyboard sounds ringing throughout the living space.

His smile fell in a comical way, his face morphing into one of confusion instead. He recognized a broken rendition of “Mary had a little Lamb”, and tilted his head as he opened the door to your room seeing you with really big headphones on your head staring down at the keyboard with the most offended look on your face.

 How dare this keyboard not give you its secrets! Wonpil couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his chest, not mocking you, but he just thought you were so cute. He lightly touched your shoulder causing you to jump, and the slight movement of your head caused the headphones to slide off your head. It didn’t matter much. You instantly dove into his arms, pressing the side of your face against his chest.

He felt warmth flood his chest as his hand encased the back of your head while he pressed his lips to the top, closing his eyes in bliss enjoying having you in his arms again. He leaned back from the brace as his eyes flashed with amusement and yours with slight embarrassment. He lightly laughed, eyes crinkling. He cradled your face in his hands, a teasing lilt to his voice, “What were you trying to do, hmm?” He could feel your face grow hot under his finger tips.

 “I was just trying to surprise you. I felt bad for not being able to go with you”. He shook his head, hands playfully pinching your cheeks as you whined. “You shouldn’t act that way, I understood from the beginning. It must have been hard for you. Here, come, your lovely boyfriend will make this easier for you”.

“Y/n the keys will not bite prEsS dOWn, no, no keyboards do not have to be oiled, this is a musical instrument not a mechanical vehicle. You are so cute. What am I gonna do with you? No, you can not play the keyboard with your forehead, DO NOT put your foot on the keys. I don’t care if it’s for the vine. 

Dowoon

Dowoon was beating himself up. Looking back at what happened a few hours ago made his chest tight. He couldn’t help but wince at the words both of you had thrown at each other. You had been with each other for so long, and when his lovely mother asked him when he would propose, although with good intentions, it put pressure on him.

 He was still young. He had mentioned it to you in a joking manner, but there was a misunderstanding and you thought he was blowing it off as he didn’t see a future with you. 

Somehow feelings were hurt, and the fight escalated. And Dowoon decided he was a coward because it was when you had started stuttering through your words and avoiding eye contact, he knew. He knew he had pushed you across a line that might not be able to be crossed again. 

He panicked. He was really good at doing that wasn’t he? He left. He took a bus and went to the nearest hotel he could find. There he was sitting on the edge of the too perfectly made bed with his head in his hands.

Had he just ruined his precious relationship because he was scared of what the future could or could not hold? Why did he have to run away? Why couldn’t he just stay? Most importantly, how badly had he hurt you?

 With a sigh he stood up, and he got on the bus back to your apartment. Staring at the door, the fact you were just on the other side and hurting is what pushed him to open it with the key you had given him. Opening the door, he was met with silence and darkness. Have you already gone? He walked through the apartment, hope dwindling with every step. 

Then he heard a soft thump thump thump. His heart seemed to match with it, and as he walked to his studio which held his spare drum set, he thought of what he could say to make it better. Opening the door, he saw you softly hitting the drum with one stick, as if testing the waters and humming along to “When you Love Someone”. Dowoon couldn’t fight the sad smile that broke out on his face, and the absolute warmth that filled his chest. 

Why did he ever even doubt your future with him? There was no person more perfect for him than you. He stood next to you, softly taking your hand in his and guiding your hand to the right beat, although a bit broken. When your sad eyes looked up into his, forgiving in nature but still frustrated beyond belief, he knew he could still fix things. You were you, and Dowoon was Dowoon. You always somehow found your way back to each other.  

“No no, put your hands higher on the stick, no lower, now higher...a bit lower. No, Y/n drum sticks do not belong in my throat. What do you mean I have no room to talk, I thought we were over the fight. I would marry you in this life and the next! Why are you looking at me like that? I am not cute, I am handsome and overflowing with testosterone. Oooh are those gummies?

[seriouslysnape]

Hii would you maybe write remus x reader where its the night before the full moon and remus is really horny like A LOT and so reader takes care of him and makes him cum multiple times ? (Nothing to kinky , just needy loving fucking?)

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW. I’M BLUSHING SO HARD AT THIS I AM GOING TO EXPLODE. 

I, uh....NEED YALL TO LEMME KNOW IF I DID OKAY ON THIS BECAUSE I WAS BLUSHING SO HARD THE WHOLE TIME I WASNT EVEN SURE WHAT I WAS SAYING. 

__

With a Vengeance 

Remus Lupin x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Smut.

Word Count: 2,818

“You deserve to feel good too, darling.”

__

You could always tell when the full moon was soon to be. Not because of the way the lake’s reflection was a little glassier or how the stars seemed to twinkle a tad brighter. No, the dead giveaway was Remus’ behavior around you. He was a werewolf after all, and his instincts always grew stronger the closer the moon came to hitting its fullest phase. More specifically, Remus’ sex drive was always through the roof in the days before the full moon.

He would start with being very lingering around you, not daring to stray too far or let you out of his sights. He’d get touchy next, his hands constantly on you in some manner. He’d leave kisses on your skin and eventually start whispering dirty things in your ear that would make you rub your thighs together in anticipation. 

You usually kept track of the full moon, so you’d know when to expect him to be absent for a few days or when to be prepared to shower him with love and care. However, this time it had gotten away from you. You had been slammed this week, busy with work, and trying to get your ducks in a row so you’d feel more organized. 

Remus had been all over you today, kissing at your neck and slipping his hand into your pants as often as he could. His affection had carried into the end of the day when the two of you retreated to your Hogwarts quarters. He knew you had work to do, but that didn’t stop him from stroking your skin and kissing you wherever he saw fit. 

You had snapped at him once, telling him that he needed to keep his hands to himself until you were finished.

Remus realized you had forgotten, and he was trying his hardest to be patient and allow you to do what you needed to...but you just looked so beautiful with your focus drawn in on whatever you were doing. He looked over you and how you sat wearing nothing but your bra and a pair of shorts. Remus uncomfortably palmed at his crotch that was well on its way to becoming a full erection as he began pacing around your shared bedroom. While he hated to interrupt you, his situation grew dire and his head was clouded with temptation.

“Hey, love?” He called, stopping his cycled steps.

You didn’t look up from the desk that was stationed on the other side. You only let out a hum to acknowledge that you had indeed heard him. He groaned out a sigh, rubbing at his groin once more.

“Do you think that could wait until tomorrow?” He queried, feeling his arousal heightening with each passing moment.

“I’m afraid not. I need to give these to Albus as soon as possible.” You replied, thinking that Remus was just ready to go to bed. 

A pit of despair and dejection filled his gut. Remus threw his head back in defeat and he let out a harsh, guttural sound. Surprised at such a reaction, you turned in your chair to look at him.

“Remus, what-” You were cut off when you saw the hitch in his boxers. 

You caught a glimpse of the almost full moon outside the window. Your confused look melted into a look of knowingness. You suddenly remembered that the full moon was only a day out, which explained why Remus had been acting the way he had. 

“Oh, that’s right. The full moon is tomorrow,” You announced, grazing over the bulge in his underwear. You threw down your quill onto the desk; “Forget this then.”

Remus brought his head back looking at you with desperation. He did a silent victory cheer that you had given up your work for him.

“Darling, I really...really need to touch you.” He said, his voice at a deep whisper and full of pleading.

You stood slowly from your chair, walking over to your husband who was jittery with eagerness. You pressed your body against his, your fingertips toying with his waistband. 

“Is Moony back with a vengeance?” You asked jokingly, knowing that his increased drive was just a side effect of his upcoming transformation.

“You have no idea.” Remus muttered, never looking away from you.

You giggled, reaching a hand into his boxers and stroking his hard length. He let out a whimper that was enough to almost make you feel sympathetic. He kissed you deeply, moaning into your mouth as you continued to pleasure him with your hand. You knew that wasn’t all he needed. You sank to your knees after a moment or so, Remus’ heart dropping a little.

He was never one to turn down a blowjob from you, but he always felt a little bad. Not that he didn’t ever return the favor, though. You yanked his boxers down with your other hand, hungrily looking over him. He brought his hands to your head, holding it steady. You left a tantalizing kiss, just barely licking his tip. He spoke, more like begged, to you.

“Baby, please don’t tease me. I can’t handle it tonight.” He breathed, his voice in almost a quiver. 

Remus wasn’t kidding. This full moon was extra strong to have him falling apart like this. 

“I won’t tease you. I’ll take care of you, honey.” You promised, finally taking him into your mouth. 

His grip tightened in your hair, a sigh escaping his chest. Your head bobbed as you sucked him off the way you knew he liked: taking him all the way. You swallowed around him, keeping your gag reflex from triggering. He watched as you pulled your head back and pushed himself back into your face.

“You’re so pretty on your knees...always so good for me.” He breathed out. 

You let out a happy noise, moving your head faster to get him to his finish. He loved the way you paid special attention to his tip, sometimes leaving kisses on his thighs and hips. He was always so appreciative during these times that you were always there to satisfy him and did it with joy. He was so lucky to have you, and he never let you forget how thankful he was for you.

He felt his dick twitch in your throat, his hot release spilling into you with his relieved moan, which caused a startled squeal to come from you. You took your mouth off of him, but swallowed dutifully. His skin was flushed and his breathing was heavy, but this was only a warm up. He needed more. 

You got up from your knees, and he kissed you so fast that it was dizzying. He was being rougher now, which only made you want him more. He removed what was left of your clothes, throwing off his own shirt. His hands were glued to you. His lips were hot on your neck as he left kisses and whispered his praises in your ear. You were moaning with every spot he sucked on, your voice coming out as a rasp.

“Remus...get on the bed.” You said, feeling the ache of desire between your legs.

He stopped his kisses, guiding you to your bed that he hadn’t even bothered to make when he left after you that morning. He laid on the mattress, watching as you wasted no time straddling him and leaning down to kiss him. He could feel how slick you were already, he smirked under the kiss.

“You’re already so wet.” He said, reaching and rubbing slow circles onto your clit.

You whimpered out, his fingers working magic on your sensitive sex. He slipped two of his fingers inside of you, his fingers curled and massaged your inner walls, feeling how you were coated with slickness. You had almost forgotten that this was supposed to be about him, but that didn’t stop you from rolling your hips as you began to ride his fingers.

“Remus, I’m supposed to be making you feel good. Oh...” You moaned.

He smiled up at you, even when he was the one desperately wanting you, you still couldn’t resist him. He chuckled.

“You deserve to feel good too, darling.” He said, watching you grow closer to your own release.

But you didn’t want to finish just yet. You stilled his hand, making him withdraw his fingers. He looked you dead in the eyes as he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean. You always felt so prideful when he did that. Before he could ask why you stopped him, you raised yourself up and sank completely down onto his length. 

You both let out a noise that time, feeling a rush at the new sensation. Your movements were slow at first, making Remus whine. You smiled breathlessly down at him.

“What is it, baby? How bad do you need me?” You said in a teasing way.

He growled, knowing you were messing with him.

“You said you wouldn’t tease me...fuck, don’t be mean.” He said, rotating his hips into you.

You let out a sultry laugh. You didn’t want him to suffer more, so you gave in.

“Okay, Remus. I hear you.” You replied, dropping your act and starting to actually ride him.

You rocked and fucked him harder than you normally would, his groans and erratic noises as a testament to it.

“Oh, yes...” He huffed out, his hands kneading at your breasts and gripping at your waist.

You arch your back and release a high pitched moan, a blend of ecstasy and relief coursing through you. He thrusted his hips upward to go as deep as he possibly could, filling and stretching you as perfectly as he always did. You bounced on his lap and felt the delicious feeling of his dick deep inside of you and hitting your most sensitive spot. 

You were making noises every time you slammed back down onto him. Your lower stomach began to tighten and get hot, throwing your head back and crying out his name. He bucked his hips up into you, pushing your higher and higher into your climax as well as hitting his own. 

“Don’t stop, [Y/N].” He said as more of a warning than a request.

He was praying that you weren’t going to fuck with him further and suddenly stop and put off his release. An amused smirk appeared on your face, opening your eyes and looking down at him.

“Don’t worry. I’m gonna let you cum, baby.” You granted, continuing the rocking of your hips.

With a few final pushes, he came inside of you and you came around him. Every neuron in your body was fired up as a satisfied squeak signaled your end. You both stopped moving, the only sounds now being your hard breathings. He leaned up from the pillows on the bed, leaving lazy, breathless kisses on your skin. You had never rocked his world quite like that, his vision being dotted with little black spots. 

He mumbled into your neck as he lifted your limp body off of him, letting you fall on the mattress next to him so you could rest for a minute.

“Come here, my darling.” He cooed, kissing your swollen lips and dancing his fingertips over your slightly sticky skin.

Your arms fell above your head as your body returned to normal, your head in a delightful fog. You looked into his eyes, but didn’t see that usual look of after-sex bliss that he always had. They were still fiery with lust. 

“Fuck me again, Remus.” You purred out abruptly, once you were recovered and sucking a hickey on his neck.

Every fiber in his being was screaming yes, but he lightly protested.

“You’ve done more than enough, sweetheart. I’ll be fine. It’s just a hard full moon this time, I suppose.” He said with a smile, but not even denying that he wanted one more round. 

You looked at him sensually. His eyes told another story. You ran your thumb over the scar across his cheek.

“You sure about that?” You prompted.

Remus’ pupils dilated in thought, running his tongue along the inside of his lower lip as you moved to nibble on his earlobe. You purposefully moaned in his ear, sending him over the edge. He was between your knees, having your legs around his waist in seconds. His hands gripped your thighs, keeping you firmly around him. He scanned over your naked body that was sprawled out on the bed.

This was one of his favorite parts. Seeing you laid out underneath him, squirming with expectation. There were so many things that you did (some intentional and some not) that drove him absolutely wild. You way you bit your lower lip whenever you caught him staring at you, only using your imagination to wonder what he was thinking when he looked at you. 

He loved the way you cared for him in all aspects: physically, emotionally, mentally. There wasn’t a square inch of you that he didn’t prize and treasure over. You were his entire world. His reason for breathing. 

He pushed his shaft through your folds, relishing and groaning at the feel of you once more. Your alluring sigh signaled him to start moving, pulling out and back in at a rapid pace. Your inviting sounds were music to his ears.

You pushed your body down to meet each of his thrusts, allowing him to hit just the right spot. You could feel the pent up tension that he had built up with each rough entrance back into you. He held your hands above your head, his other hand pinning your hips to the mattress. 

He pulled out again and one particular slam back into you caused you to moan louder than normal, causing Remus to speed up even more. Your chest bouncing with his every thrust. You were completely focused on the feeling of him dragging in and out of you. He let out a noise that resembled a growl that sent vibrations all through your body. Every cell in your body felt like it might combust with pleasure. 

“You’re such a good girl. Every time you’re so good for me,” He glorified; “Oh, darling, how I adore you...” 

Your legs tightened around him, letting him know you were close.

“I love you.” You breathed out, 

He grinned, an even deeper blush appearing on his face.

“I love you, angel.” 

You involuntarily clenched around him with a pitchy cry, releasing once again and hitting your high. He felt his own spiral, thrusting a time or two more and spilled his release into you again. He groaned in solace, pulling out of you. Your hearts were pounding and your minds were racing. You looked up at him and smiled with joy as the look of euphoria in his eyes. You persuaded him to fall next to you so he didn’t totally collapse.

He pulled you to him, showering you with soft kisses and snuggles. He entwined your legs with his, his hand resting on the outside of your thigh and feeling your muscles contracting violently. He looked at you with hilarity, but also concern at the feel of your trembling legs.

“You’re shaking.” He noted aloud.

There wasn’t a stitch of discomfort or unpleasantness on your face. You beamed up at him, fiddling with one of his hands. 

“I’m perfect. I may not be able to feel my legs tomorrow, but I’m okay.” You said, kissing his jaw.

He laid with you in silence, feeling the air cool your heated skin and allow your heart rates to return to normal. 

“I can’t wait to see you after the full moon passes. I hate being away from you.” He admitted, pushing a strand of hair from your face.

You nodded. Remus always liked to stay away during the full moon. Even if he took Wolfsbane Potion, he was still weary of how dangerous it could be. If Moony ever hurt you...or worse, he couldn’t live with himself.

“I know. But it won’t be long. You’ll be back soon,” You comforted him; “Tell Moony I said hello.” You joked.

He snickered at that.

“Of course, love.” 

A silence fell over the both of you, just enjoying each other’s presence. He massaged you gently, knowing that he had totally overstimulated you enough for one evening. Although, he still playfully teased you when you went to get up.

“I need to go shower.” You announced, making your way to the bathroom on shaky legs.

“Is there room for one more?” He winked at you.

You both knew there was no way either of you’d make another round. You weren’t exactly young and spry teenagers anymore. You scoffed.

“Only if you keep your hands to yourself.” You giggled.

Remus shot up from the bed, following you into the shower.

“No promises.”