#grant had his 'i'm done' moment at that college graduation dinner but this is the most sincere one

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

october 1, 2021 4:15 p.m. grant's house

[juhani] hello? grant, can i call you tomorrow? it’s late.

[grant] no, you can’t. i know it’s 11 o’clock where you are right now, and i don’t really care. you answered, so you’ve trapped yourself.

[varpu, faintly] juha, if you don’t talk now, he will never call you back.

[juhani] i want to speak with you, of course i do, it’s just–

[grant] fantastic, because that’s what we’re doing. we’re talking! i have 30 years of stuff to get off my chest, and i'm sure you have your own piece to share. not sure where to start, but.

[juhani] may i ask you a question? what did you overhear at dinner the other night? are you upset i'm moving? is that it?

[grant] i mean, that stung a little after the whole “i’ll be around to build a relationship with you,” thing, but i gave you my express permission to go home, so it’s whatever. we are both adults, so i am not going to fault you for making adult decisions that improve your life. i'm more upset by you claiming you didn’t tell me about your plans or include me in the moving and wedding stuff and whatever because i'm difficult.

[juhani] that’s not what–

[grant] oh, come on. don’t kid yourself. you said it yourself, anything involving me is like pulling teeth. i heard it loud and clear.

[juhani] well, when i tell you things, you never react well. it always goes precisely like this conversation is going.

[grant] really? never? because i remember being pretty positive about your proposal and about you contacting me in the first place and about coming to dinner to acquaint myself with varpu’s kids and about meeting varpu a while back…

[grant] what i react poorly to is you leaving me out, you calling me difficult, you complaining about me in front of impressionable people, etcetera.

[juhani] i don’t want to leave you out.

[grant] that’s what varpu said, too, but i didn’t believe her, so why would i believe you?

[juhani] i have no idea how to interact with you. i've apologized to you, told you i regret the events of your childhood. nothing works.

[grant] do you regret it? because it kind of just feels like you’re doing the same shit again. abandoning me for your own self-interests. oh, and this time you’re replacing me with a brand new family you treat better.

[juhani] i'm not repl–okay, what would you prefer me do when you push me away? you told me i was difficult.

[grant] when did i say that? i mean, that's true, sure, but i would not say that to you. what i probably said that you’re misconstruing is that talking to you is hard because i'm not comfortable around you.

[juhani] and how long will it take you to be comfortable around me? i don’t know what else you want me to do. truly, i don’t, and it is not pleasant to be rejected endlessly.

[grant] well, i'd have to forgive you, but i don’t. if forgiveness was meant to happen, it would not be instant. you’d have to keep trying with me, even if i piss you off, even if i push you away. you’re my fucking father, it’s your job. you show up for your kid even if they’re horrible or annoying. you never turn your back on them. but, you know, you didn’t show up for the first 22 years you were around, so you’d have to try extra hard now to change my mind.

[grant] but honestly, i will never be comfortable around you. i've realized that over the last few days. i did actually think if you just kept trying, i'd relax and be less on edge, but nope. you could become an honest-to-god saint tomorrow, and i'll still be furious because nothing will make me understand why you couldn’t have been a decent person when i was a kid. like, when i needed you.

[grant] and i don’t get why you weren't. i don't. i'm serious. i can’t comprehend it. clearly, you have it in you to be a decent person. you love varpu's kids. you're fatherly towards them. you take them on vacation, you invite them to house and wedding venue tours, you tell them about and include them in your hobbies, you remember details about them, you smile at them without being forced, you go to their weddings and don’t flip out about them being queer even though you were viscerally disgusted with me when you found out–

[juhani] you shouldn’t bring them into this. it isn’t fair. and i've taken you on vacation before, for one.

[grant] i am being petty, but i think it's fair because i'm not shitting on them specifically. and yeah, okay, you took me on vacation once. you took me to finland exactly once, but i never met your family, and i remember nothing other than the plane rides.

[grant] and you shouldn’t do this. we don’t need to split hairs. you don’t need to crawl through that list of grievances and “well, actually” me as many times as you can manage. one vacation changes nothing. that does not erase all the times you sat there like a lame duck and ignored me or mocked me or let my mother abuse me. there is nothing for you to pat yourself on the back about.

[grant] nothing.

[juhani] so, what are you upset about now?

[grant] why?

[juhani] why what?

[grant] why are you like this? why were you a terrible father? why have no heart for me or my sisters? why did you save all your love for someone else’s kids?

[grant] oh, and how about cerise? you sure didn’t care about your bastard kids either, did you?

[grant] shit. i'm sorry. that just kind of came out. that’s not how i wanted to, you know, pepper that into this conversation. i was going to save that for the end.

[juhani] how do you know about her?

[grant] doesn't matter. it's a long story.

[grant] on that note, what is up with the secret daughter? how’d that happen? is she the only one, too, or should i be on the lookout for any other siblings? and hey, you only divorced my mother in the last few years, so you were cheating. how many times did you fuck around on her, and why would you? you wouldn’t divorce her because you were afraid of her, but apparently it's no big deal to cheat.

[juhani] grant, how can i answer you if you don't allow me to talk? cerise’s mother michelle is a doctor. your mother and i were both at a conference in detroit about healthcare outreach, and…

[juhani] i know it seems contradictory, given how long i stayed with your mother, but i was unhappy in the marriage. i met michelle there at the conference, and she was kind and intelligent, and i suppose the rest of the story should be obvious to you.

[grant] goddamn, man. i hate my mother, but that’s bold: sleeping with another woman right in front of her face.

[grant] did she ever find out?

[juhani] eventually. you remember how she was with the finances. she tracked all the money going in and out of the household. you couldn’t have one cent go missing without being accused of something, and she’d always blame it on some incident with her brother and start ranting about him.

[juhani] look, the agreement with michelle was that i'd stay out of her life and send child support, and she wouldn’t interfere with my family either. i used to lie and tell your mother the child support funds were going somewhere important, but she didn't believe me very long. she did finally question me and find out the truth.

[grant] and?

[juhani] in hindsight, her reaction reminds me a lot of the one she had when you lashed out at her during your graduation dinner. very little left her speechless, but that did. initially, i should clarify. she would go on to never let me live cerise’s existence down.

[juhani] and to answer your question, as far as i know, cerise is the only other child.

[grant] as far as you know?

[juhani] i cannot rule out further surprises.

[grant] jesus christ. my grandmother is right, all men are dogs, but you most of all.

[juhani] does it upset you that much?

[grant] again, i don’t like my mother, but if i needed any more proof that you’re more spineless than a sea sponge, this is it. you were so unhappy with my mother that you’d cheat on her, but you’d not divorce her when your kids were vulnerable.

[grant] you disgust me. you slept around and thought with your dick before you spared a single thought for the kids you let my mother abuse. or for yourself! fuck you. if you’re going to be that selfish, at least be selfish enough to prioritize yourself and leave the woman making you that miserable!

[grant] and now i don’t believe you when you say you wouldn’t leave her back then because you were scared of her. do you seriously mean to tell me it’s less terrifying to cheat on her than to just walk out of the house and never come back?

[grant] i did that, you know? when i'd had enough of my mother, i told her as much and then never spoke to her again. and guess what? wouldn’t you be so stunned to find out she’s never tracked me down, never tried to call or email to reel me back in? she left me alone after i told her to go fuck herself!

[grant] and technically, you know it's possible to leave her, too. what did you say about the divorce? that she just rolled over and let you do it and was fine with you just coughing up all the assets and dipping?

[grant] exhibits A, B, and C that she’s a coward, too. she thinks she’s the boss, but if you fight back hard enough, she gives up. you could have left her at any point in time.

[grant] god. oh my god. you stupid, spineless motherfucker. i thought i'd maxed out on anger. apparently not!

[grant] you really could have been a better father. you could have had your whole little life overhaul decades ago, and you could have saved the entire family so much pain. you, me, elizabeth, kelly…

[grant] i should have suspected as much, and i guess i did, but it's shocking to realize over and over just how useless you are as a father. i think it can't get any worse and then it does. you are a complete and utter failure as a parent.

[grant] this is why i can’t forgive you. you didn’t have to mess up so badly. but no. whatever you got out of the relationship was enough to convince you to sit there and watch my mother ruin all of us, and even thought you weren't happy with her, you got by with fucking other women and only regretted staying a billion years later when you noticed you had nothing of substance left in life but my mother. and that’s a pretty depressing way to live, isn’t it?

[juhani] i stayed because i thought we deserved each other.

[grant] with that attitude, maybe you did.

[grant] listen, i'll admit this, no problem. it’s no one’s fault that she is the way that she is. it’s not even yours. she’s abusive, and what she does to other people is her fault and her responsibility. she’s excellent, too, at convincing you to just go along with it and never question her. it's not that hard to get caught in her trap at first, and she will try her very best to break you. but at some point, you have to question anyway. at some point, you have to recognize you deserve better and do something about it.

[grant] but you didn’t. not until it was too late for it to mean anything.

[grant] i would never think i've done everything right, but in the end, i've respected myself enough to make better choices and do something about the situation i was in, and i've had to do that because the adults in my life weren’t responsible or organized enough to fix things before responsibility fell into my hands.

[juhani] you are a braver and a better man than i.

[grant] i'm glad i am, but do you know how exhausting it is to be brave all the time?

[grant] i am because you weren’t. it is entirely because you failed. you weren’t brave enough to give a fuck about yourself or your kids, so i've had to be brave my entire life. brave enough to survive my childhood, then brave enough to leave. and guess what? i don’t want to be brave. i just want to exist. and back then, i just wanted to be a kid.

[grant] just a kid.

[grant] i wanted to come home from school and play with my pokemon cards and hear my mom and my dad say, “hi honey! how was your day? we love you!" i didn’t want to live in fear of what horror would befall me each and every day.

[grant] fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. you stole my childhood. you stole elizabeth’s childhood. you stole kelly’s childhood.

[grant] you and my mother, but you could have done something. you could have given us our childhoods back. you could have done something! you should have done something!

[grant] you didn’t have to do everything right even. parents mess up, i know that, but you could have at least tried. the bar was on the floor. i would have over the moon living in a single parent household with a father who at least showed up to my hockey games if he wasn’t busy at work and gave me a hug every once in a while.

[grant] and you know what, you did more than steal our childhoods. because you couldn’t stand to sacrifice your comfort long enough to take care of your kids, we all have to live in permanent hell. i have to spend the rest of my life freaking out when someone walks up behind me or speaks too loudly or–god forbid–touches me! it took me years to finally learn not to flinch when someone high fives me! and kelly–i don’t know what she deals with, but i know her life can’t be peaceful.

[grant] again, i am not blaming you for what my mother did–i know she was not kind to you either– but i do blame you for not even trying to stop her or get away from her. you were an adult with power, and you didn't use an ounce of it. actually, you did use it, just not for good. you threw me specifically under the bus because it was easier to let my mother use me as a punching bag than you.

[juhani] you’re right.

[juhani] you’re right, grant.

[grant] i have nothing else to say, short of "fuck you" again. i think i'm done yelling at you.

[grant] no, wait, one last thing. what did you even see in my mother in the first place? what was so enticing about her that you’d stay with her so long and ditch your college sweetheart for her?

[juhani] i don’t know. i don’t know anymore.

[grant] i guess it was two people drawn to each other's misery.

[grant] great. well, that’s all, folks.

[grant] good luck with the new family. maybe you can make it right with someone else and enjoy a totally fresh start because you will never make it right with me, and i will never let you forget what you did to me and my sisters. and don’t lose varpu again, by the way. she is, like, far out of your league–so far it's not even funny–and you are lucky to have this second chance with her and to have a good relationship with her kids.

[grant] also, just so it's clear, i don't want to speak to you anymore after this. don't call me, i won't call you either, except in one circumstance. i'll consider it on the day my mother kicks the bucket. we can toast to the end of that chapter of our lives and hope that the haunting ends. because surely you have to feel a little haunted, too, right? i have a sinking suspicion that’s why you reconnected with me. you don’t care about me. you care about that fresh start, about making yourself feel better about wasting your life and fucking up everyone around you.

[dreaminae]

We All Need The One Friend

Chapter 15

Sure, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it also drives the brain aloof. Or so, that was Liv's take on her current situation. Almost four weeks went by since the big family dinner blowout where Billy and Jordan learned of Liv's drinking. Four weeks since her father's overwhelming disappointment swallowed Olivia whole with a growing fear of being sent away for help once more. Four weeks since her fear led to Liv, running away for help from the one person who she hadn't been in contact with for months -- her sponsor. And four weeks since Liv was giving a large wake-up call when she found her former sponsor behind bars for attempting to steal from her very own parents.

That night Olivia saw what could be her possible future if she didn't receive proper treatment while she still had the chance. Despite her fear of being sent away, she returned home after hours of dodging calls and texts from her loved ones. She walked into her home ready to accept the help, no matter the consequences. And perhaps that why fate played into her hands.

Fore when Olivia returned home, she found both her parents welcomed her with open arms, simply content that she was alright. Following the long night, Liv was surprised to find her family already with a suitable compromise. Instead of shipping her away, Billy and Laura decided upon an intensive program that allowed Liv to remain at home while she recovered.

Later into that evening, Spencer dropped by for what they both knew would be their last moment together for a long term. Acknowledging that they both had things to work on, they agreed to delay their romance until they were both in a good place to be together for real. They weren't breaking up or taking back the feelings they once declared. No, they were -- as Liv put it that night -- 'playing the long game'. Sealing their goodbye with a heartfelt kiss, they parted ways.

Focused on her recovery, Olivia found a new sponsor and confidant in Nurse Joy. Admitting her dependency upon Alcohol, and accepting responsibility for falling off the wagon, Olivia began her road to recovery. Meanwhile, Spencer centered his time on football and plotting his plan to bring Crenshaw a state championship.

Ignoring their constant desire to be together they cut off all physical communication, choosing to stick to the everyday messages to check in on one another. It wasn't until the night of Jordan's second concussion they were able to be in each other's arms.

Utilizing each other as helping shoulder through damaging announcement of Jordan's future in football, they found comfort in their buried affections. Having each other's back when Simone dropped the marriage reveal, Spencer and Liv supported each other when confronted by Billy and Laura.

The secret marriage only adding to Liv's troubled life as Laura grounded her into the next century for her deceit. Life toppled their trivial matter with the death of Tamika, shaking Olivia's inner social justice warrior to its full-frontal.

From leaking footage of Tamika's wrongful death to protesting for the indictment of the guilty officers, Liv found something bigger to be a part of. Her best intentions leading to backfire as Laura took the heat of alleged bigoted D.A. Learning to accept her mistakes, Liv tried to make the best of a complicated issue.

She and Kia's devotion to cause, sparking Spencer to follow suit, persuading his team to take a knee during their most important game. Inspiring by the Crenshaw team their opponents took a knee in protest. As a result of more football teams following Crenshaw's players in taking a knee, Crenshaw was granted another shot at the state championship.

Everything seemed to play into Liv and Spencer's hands, except the main thing they both desired since summer. It was all in a matter of timing, and they both couldn't help but anticipate when that moment would finally arrive.

So when they found themselves planning a surprise party in honor of Spencer's mom earning her college degree, the anticipation rose to a new peak.

"So no gouging out my eyes?" Liv playfully joked, allowing herself to make a joke of the foolish comments people were making about her online.

Spencer scoffed as if insulted. "What, those pretty eyes? You crazy." His eyes drifted from the direction of her eyes to her lips.

Olivia smiled softly as he quickly shifted back to their original conversation, unsure if now was the right time for them to share that type of moment. "You gon' help me fix this came or what?" He questioned with a crooked grin.

"Yes," Liv replied with a cheeky grin as she hopped from her seat, wondering how long he'd wait to make a move.

The next hour and a half flew by with them baking the cake while making basic small talk to catch up with one another. They discussed Liv's daily meeting with nurse joy and how her recovery was coming. Liv caught Spencer up on Jordan's everyday hobbies since his time away from football, while Spencer tried his best not to admit to Liv that he was aiding in Jordan's desire to return to football. Their topics switched until they circled back to Spencer's upcoming game against Westlake, and how Olivia punishment lifted just in time for her to come see him play.

"You'll be my personal cheering section." Spencer goofed as he iced the bare cake.

"Of course. I'll be decked in your jersey number and sporting Crenshaw colors all night." Liv giggled, imaging herself ornamented in Spencer James merchandising. "I'll be shouting the loudest. Go, Spencer! Kick some Westlake ass!" She shouted cheerfully, causing Spencer to chuckle.

"And what about I finish kicking Westlake's ass?" He wondered aloud. "Do I get a prize?" He inquired with a lifted brow.

"You'll have won the state championship for Crenshaw and saved your school. What more could I give you?" Liv snickered, sipping her lemonade.

"I can think of a few things." Spencer flirted causing Liv's cheeks to redden as she swallowed her refreshment.

The knocking of the front door interrupted their flustered juncture. "I'm should...um..you know..."

"Don't worry, I will still be here when you get back." He chuckled towards her rattled nature.

He frosted the cake as Liv dealt with a package delivery on behalf of the coach baker. Shortly after leaving the package in the living room, she rrutrned. Her reserved nature now contained after she took a moment to compose herself.

She returned to the kitchen with more pep in her step resolved with knowing that the moment she and Spencer both delayed was finally arriving, and all she had to do was lead it.

Eyeing Spencer with a twinkle in her eye she cheekily leaned over close to his direction, dipping her finger in the canned frosting. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" She inquired sassily, catching his attention as she strutted a few feet around the counter.

"Girl, you know I got skills." He responded cockily, earning a snicker from Liv as she shut the refrigerator to from putting leftover baking ingredients.

"Hey, I was thinking that we should have that graduation won't playing at my mom's party," Spencer suggested, humming his ideal tune aloud.

Olivia listened to the tune with a puzzled expression. "Umm, that's the wedding song."

Spencer eyed her strangely, confused as to how he got the two melodies muddled.

Giving him a sympathetic grin, Liv rubbed his arm, comforting him. "Hmm, you'll get it." She laughed as Spencer twisted his face in slight embarrassment. "It's okay." She added jokingly.

Rolling his eyes, Spencer gestured down to the finished cake. "Well, what do you think?"

Liv analyzed the frosted cake, impressed by how well it came out. "It's good." She complimented with growing suspicion. "Like really good." She added, smirking at Spencer. "You've done this before, haven't you?"

"Maybe like once for my moms birthday..." He dragged out, sensing that his cover was blown as he smiled crookedly. "And maybe all of Dillion's birthdays." He admitted, redhandedly causing Olivia to laugh.

"Alright, you caught me." Spencer chuckled, then grew serious. "N'all but, I just wanted to get your mind off everything." He confessed wholeheartedly, hating the low amounts of times he witnessed a real smile from Liv over the last few weeks.

"You did," Olivia assured him, touched that Spencer went found the energy to help her through the day's mess, even though she was meant to be helping him today. "You made me feel a lot better." She added, wanting him to know that his intentions were highly effective.

Spencer simply nodded, content to help in any way he could.

Liv smiled thinking back to how their last few hours together reminded her of the summer they spent together. No matter if it dumb shows or extended time at the mall shopping, Spencer remained glue to her hip just to make Liv happy. If he noticed she was having a bad day, he'd make a stupid joke to make her laugh. When she felt alone and needed someone to talk to, Spencer spent hours on the phone with her. When she felt like crumbling, he was always the rock that steadily held her up.

"You've done that before too." Olivia slipped out, letting her affection take over. Her eyes darted to his with a knowing twinkle.

Spencer observed her stature, finding Olivia in control and sure of herself. She beamed gently with a slight tilt of her head as if waiting to see what he would do next. She wanted to know if he still wanted her, and this was her way of conveying her yearning for him. With an assured confirmation that she was ready, Spencer took this as his cue.

Without saying another word he walked towards Liv, ready to give in to their passions. His head tilted in the opposing direction of Liv's as they both leaned in to close the small space between them.

However, right when their lips were about to meet Spencer's phone buzzed. Spencer grunted under his breath, annoyed by the bad timing, but reached for his phone nonetheless. Liv sucked in a tight breath, frustrated by another halted moment.

Remaining with barely an inch separating them, Liv took matters into her own hands. Literally.

"Spence," Liv mumbled, topping the hand that held his phone with the palm of her hand to gain his attention. His phone continued to buzz, as Spencer gave Olivia his awareness. "Yeah."

"It'll still be there afterward." Liv sighed with an unsure smile, gently pulling his phone out of hand. Her finger dragged across the screen, rejecting the call. "But I'm right here. Right now." She remarked, locking eyes with him, lust emitting from her own. "And I don't know about you but I'm tired of waiting." She snickered sassily, earning a smirk from Spencer.

Liv eyes danced from Spencer's brown orbs, falling to his lips, then back to his eyes. Cupping his face, she brought his lips to hers for a kiss that was weeks in the making.

[infpgirl26]

Chapter one:

Author notes: my chapters are really long. Hopefully you are still here after a prologue with Tim Andrew and none of the boys. I feel like I need to give more of Clara's life, but I promise the cast is in this chapter too.

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First Step: you recognise that the other part is attractive. You know you love your partner, but that doesn't mean that you are blind. Actually, the beauty of long-term relationships is that. You know there is plenty of choices out there, but rather be if your love.

2 months later | Vancouver

Clara looked at the apartment with happiness.

"Finally" she cleaned her hands and smiled at the plants hanging everywhere. Her guitar where besides the shelf, where a tv was placed. Behind it some paints were hanging. The cozy and tiny apartment was finally having her touch, and Alex's too. He was a musician so she took care to put details about it in their decoration.

She did some paints and put on the walls, filled the balcony with plants and flowers and all place had some cactus or green spot. Even the bathroom. She was happier now, music, paints and plants. Perfect.

At the same moment she finished a delicious smell filled her senses and Clara naturally went towards the little kitchen.

She smiled, her tall and blond boyfriend was cooking for them, while listening to Mumfords and Sons, one of his favorite bands.

"Hey luv. Did you finish?" his brown eyes looked her up and down and Clara walked slowly, towards him " My shirt again? You can have it it now." Clara gave him a guilt smile, it was from his college times. Alex was graduated in a Music Conservatory.

"I think is true. Couples do start to look alike." she pointed to the same color of sweat pants and socks they were wearing "And yes" Clara hugged him from behind, peking what he was cooking. Pepper, broccoli and mushrooms. "I finished."

" Are you still sad because the coffee house fired you? " Clara sighed. Apparently, she wasn't a good waitress as she thought at first.

"No. Dunno, Just a little. I thought I lose my free coffee. But I charmed Pete and I still have my perks" he laughed at her positivity.

"Peter, the 16 years old waiter? You are so mean!" They laughed " I'm making the oriental pasta you like so much." Clara hide her face in his back, enjoying his good smell and familiarity "Even if you are an evil creature charming impressionable boys. I know moving here is making you sad and..."

"By boys you mean you. Right?" Clara turned him to her and smiled.

"Smart mouth" He gave her a peek kiss.

"For your information, the pasta's name is Yakisoba. Aaannd it is time for you to stop to feel guilt. You didn't hijack me or something. You have done a lot for me. It's my turn. And we are here for 2 months now. I need to get use to it."

"Clara, I already told you, I'm happy to support you, always. If you don't want you don't need to go to an underpaid job. You can focus on your career..." She left his embrace and crossed her arms. "And anytime I have a break from school we can go visit"

"Now. This. This is the kind of conversation I don't want to have with you anymore." He made a pout to her, like a little boy, nodded and begin to smile "What? Are you crazy? "

" In that case... " he turned off the stove and walked to her, passing his arms around her waist "I made some connections, here and there." He was smirking. Clara loved when he did that "And maybe, maybe I got you an audition to a big TV show."

"What? Are you... What?"

"I noted that you were kind of depressed doing regular job at the coffee shop. And, auditions in theaters here weren't going well for you. Every no making you more anxious. So I talked with one professor in college and, well he know someone who know someone. He get an audition for you."

Clara's heart begin to jump. She looked at his eyes with doubts.

'"Come again?"

"My professor from college, get you one audition. For acting, once you are an actress! Well, I guess you are. Right? " Clara hugged him, jumping with joy.

"Well Al. How come a musician master's teacher had this contacts? Wait! What's about... An... What's the show is about?"

"It is Supernatural!" Alex smiled wildly and Clara looked at him confused.

" Ok, but what kind? Demons, aliens, no aliens are sci-fy! Oh, is it witchcraft?"

Alex almost got dizzy and stroke her arms while she was having her flood of words.

"Clara, I can't believe you don't know Supernatural. What kind of actress are you?" He joked "First and more important. You need to be there in the next week. This season is already starting to be filmed, but this character will be introduced later. They will talk about the new character and if you like her, why not try?  And the show is about two brothers hunting things. Monsters, ghosts, demons. Ring any bells?"

"I'm more into spiritism than catholic. Don't know about gospel novels. But I like Jesus philosophy of life."

"Oh my God Clara!" he began to laugh " Are you north american? It's Supernatural. Everyone knows this guys! It's impossible for you... Make some research before you go, like a job interview, ok?" She nodded and kissed him with affection.

" It is, indeed, a job interview! Thanks babe. I love you"

"Love you too, pretty face." He gave her nose a peek kiss "Now, let me finish this yakisoup of yours"

" Yakisoba you dork. Hey, Alex." Their eyes met again " Are you sure you don't want to..." She sat on the table and looked at him with desire "Have your thank you gift?" And Clara took off the shirt after this. Alex sighed, she wasn't wearing a bra and her light tan skin was calling for him.

" Oh love. I have this article to finish..." but he was already with his hands on her waist and mouth close to hers.

"This masters scholarship you got yourself into. I barely can fuck you anymore." she joked "But, not even a quick fuck?" Clara asked and he moaned in a low tone when she said that to him.

"Just a little faster than normal" he whispered and finally took her lips. The dinner was never finished.

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Tim rolled his eyes when Eric started to talk again. They were sat in the audience room, tired and ready to choose the last brunette that tried the role. The producers were tired of his picky behaviour too.

"I swear. This role is not even so big deal for you to be like this Tim."

"I can see what you can't. It is our chance to make a little more of justice about females on the show. And everybody loves time travel and traumatized characters."

"Ok. This week is your deadline. You go to find your burlesque muse or we are hiring the last girl. She was nice and knows how to act a bit." Eric rolled his eyes " Next is this Clara Grant.

Tim couldn't explain why he was comparing the actresses to the mysterious artist from Minneapolis. He wanted somebody different and captiving. She was that. His thoughts were interrupted when the next candidate entered the room. His jaw dropped. It was her. Definitely her. More hippie than the image he had of her, but the face he was looking for was right in front of him.

"Hi, my name is Clara Diaz Grant and I'm here to the role of Jane Miler."

"Diaz? Where are you from?". Eric asked, looking her up and down.

"Minneapolis. But in colonials times, I guess, my mom's family was Spanish or something. Different of the Vikings from my hometown" she gave them a little smile and Eric was hooked by the lazy way she did it. At the same time, he wasn't so sure if a girl with a hippie and light vibe could live Jane properly.

"Ok, Clara. How long have you been acting?". Tim asked with a hand in his chin and amazed with his luck.

"Oh, since childhood. But I stopped for some years to do my philosophy degree. And then went back to acting since 26"

" A dear friend of mine get you this audition. Let's say we don't give chances to people with no experience on TV. " Eric was looking for her résumé, missing how nervous he made her.

"Yes. I don't have any" she shrugged "But I have years of theater and circus. Live audiences are always far more intimidating, in my point of view.". She smiled again and Eric liked her.

"Ok. You can start."

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Two weeks later

She ran away and knew that people were after her. But the breakpoint was what she saw on that message.

She laughed, one depressive and sad laugh. She threw her phone away. Her parents were killed because of her. The only person she trusted beside them were Luke and he did that to her.

Probably he was the one who gave her informations to them. She was alone, no one to care about her and, of course, cursed.

She was on the bridge and began to cry. She felt her body trembling, like when she travel. And she couldn't control herself anymore. She looked for the river and swallowed. It was early in the morning and then she feel, the travel effect again.

It was night now. She jumped in time again. She was so tired of that. She looked at the river and took one deep breath.

What she had? She was useless. Hadn't friends that will care and knew what being alive means. They will hurt her. More and more.

"Hey, you!" one male voice called her. She jumped before someone could talk her out of this craziness. But the voice was so much closer than she imagined and catch her before her body left the ground.

"I gotcha you" the men whispered with worry " Hey..."

"Let me die!!!" she screamed between sobs "Just let me die"

" I can't do this. I'm already involved and what am I supposed to tell to your family?"

"Good luck talking to dead people." she screamed trying to break the embrace " let me go!"

"No. Not until I know that you wouldn't..."

"Why do you care?" she was very angry now. The person that was holding her turned her around. She saw one tall men and hazel eyes. He had long hair and worried expression

"Let me go" she growled and the men did something that she thought she never would feel again. He clean her tears and hugged her, with worry.

"Hey, things will be fine"

"No!" she said crying " I'm cursed"

"What do you think about being cursed together, away from.this bridged? Where we can talk"

"Let me die..." But she hugged the men back, with so much need that the other almost cried with her " I just want this to end"

"No. You don't. Let me take care of you." and she let the other lift her.

They went to the men's car and the guy made her comfortable in the passenger seat. The men took her hair from her eyes and looked at her like he was really feeling her pain. "What is your name? So we can reach someone..."

"There's no one." She answered and her heart hurt a little more. "My name is... Jane."

"Hi Jane. I'm Sam."

"...AND CUT" The director's voice was filled with joy "Oh my God, Clara. That was intense. Girl! And Jared. How broken heart are you?" The actor smiled and went off the car. "I knew you are perfect for this wrecked girl!! My perfect Jane."

"It's me, all hopeless."

Clara was still coming back from the emotions of her character and a little overwhelmed. At first, when she did the audition, she thought she smiled too much, talked to much and didn't know how to stand in the room.

Eric's speech about experience made her more nervous, was his way to say. "I'm just doing a favor. Get out"  and her stupid nervous joke about vikings, she just wanted to kick herself.

She was feeling everything when she read her lines for them. But in some seconds she felt so great doing what she loved that she just let the character emotions fill her. When she finished, Eric was speechless and she got the job.

Now she was there. And the anxiety with new people, new job, new routine, was too much.

"Great job you two" Tim Andrew, the more friendly one, patted her shoulder and left. She knew her life was one step to change forever. She just haven't any idea if it would be for better or worse. Her contract was for seven episodes and if the fans like her character she would be part of the cast for a year. Seven episodes would be worth a year. And for the first time in her life she would have a good payment.

"Hope you are more comfortable now". Jared said while they went to the coffee table.

" It's all new yet. And the fact that I don't know the whole cast still bugs me"

"Don't worry. I'm the one who arrives screaming." Clara laughed. First day on set, before filming she had to know some colleagues and Jared arrived with some attitude and he was the tallest men she ever saw in her life.

"I get it. You almost don't get attention with your height and perfect hair". She laughed and Jared rolled his eyes laughing too.

"So, Clara." He started while she went for coffee "How do you feel about participating in TV?" She smiled with laziness for him and looked around. The scenario was huge, so different from the abstract theater, and cameras were everywhere. The place Jane tried to jump? Only a fake bridge with green screen in front of her.

"I was never in TV before. Just dramatics. Underground and so many alternative plays."

"I get it.  You were such a hippie and "mainstream" shows was never your thing."  He teased and she laughed. Jared sipped his coffee.

"Yes. Exactly this. I guess. It is overwhelming. And I need to remember there is no need to change my voice tone as in stage."

" But the magic, still remains?"

"Yes. Of course" she drank her coffee and it was too hot. The liquid burned her tongue and she swallowed before it could do more harm.

"Oofta! Gzzz" She shook her hands and blinked. Jared looked at her with amusement.

"Oofta? What the hell? "

"You're so rude!". She laughed.

"Your accent is more Canadian than the real Canadians."

"I don't have an accent. Pfff"

"Oh, oofta, my bad. You haven't"

"Shut up" She hid her smile with the plastic cup.

"Can I say something? I was really curious about you."

"Really?". Clara was a little bit uncomfortable because Jared was really handsome and talked almost in an intimidating very secure way "Andrew was looking for someone different. With ... With heart. Someone who could play Jane with perfection. He and Kripke were starting to be crazy about that. They were really pick. And now the cast is curious."

"She is a very deep girl. From what I already read. And thanks for letting me know people are curious about me. But I guess I met some of them." She answered with a joking/acid tone.

"Yes. You did. But the worst, not yet. And by worst I mean Jensen and...

"Hey weirdos" One playful voice was heard. She could see someone hugging Jared from behind.

"That's my girl" the voice said. Clara laughed. That, the intimacy the cast had, overwhelmed her. She was the new one. The outsider.

"Personal Space, perv" Jared said. "See Grant. This is what I mean. Get your hands out of my... Me"

"I don't think I can do it." He was in her view now, and she knew, from previous research, that he was Castiel, or Misca something. Her heart jumped a little bit when he smiled at her. His smile lit up his whole face.

"Jensen and I were watching you two." he looked at her, really friendly , wearing his show clothes and looking very excited with something. Clara associated him with one cute big kid. She liked it Immediately. The blue eyes weren't so intimidating as Jared.

"And I need to say ... You are damn good. That scene made Jensen emotional. The men is crying because of you " he said with exaggerated worry. Clara laughed. The way he talks making her lighter.

"I heard that before. From a friend of my ex. " She joked looking at him with a playful smile. He came closer to be part of her talk with Jared and took a coffee too. Clara was intrigued with that men who looked like one ball of energy and some cynicism.

"I liked her." He said to Jared, "Misha Collins, by the way." He gave her a smile and she thought he was handsome and charming in one unique way. His smile made her comfortable too.

"Clara Diaz Grant." She nodded at him using her big and ice break smile. Her heart was still a little crazy with so much news.

Misha, being all Misha, didn't hide how he liked it.

"Your smile is beautiful!"

"Thank you, handsome." Fuck, she couldn't understand why she went a full "Chandler Bing" mood when she felt anxious. Smiles and jokes always helped her, but sometimes she just wanted to kick herself in the ass. People miss judge her for superficial sometimes, because of that.

"You are welcome gorgeous girl." He blinked one eye at her like he told her one secret and Clara smirked at him. The older men drank some coffee and went off.

"Misha has no filter sometimes, gorgeous girl" Jared teased. She was about to answer his teasing but was interrupted.

"Clara, Jared. Back to the spot! Now! " They heard Tim saying and laughed before going back to the scene.

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One week later

Clara was taking her shower in her trailer trying really hard to clean the mess in her head. While filming, every time she made a mistake she joked about it to be easier on herself and maybe Eric was thinking he was right and she was, indeed, unprofessional.

She was feeling a little lonely and outsider once the cast knew each other for so long now. But she knew how to make friends. So it couldn't be a big deal. Right? Doubting herself never helped, so she just breathed. People... She would get along eventually.

And she was tired. She never thought one episode would take so long to film. Seven days non stop and she just left the set one day. Alex was surprised by her schedule and so as she. But her sensible musician boyfriend understood and was proud of her, as he said. She was tired, needing to hug Alex and tell him how overwhelming was filming 7/8 hours per day and meet so much people. She never ever gave a second thought to tv and cinema. Her focus was the stage and the adrenaline from a live audience.

What if someone thinks she was boring and never hang out with her? What if people in TV were fake and faking kindness just to turn her down later? What if the guys noted that she thinks they are hot? And make fun of her because of it? They were all attractive and she was so... Clara. She knows her traits in appearance, but on that moment.

"Oh boy"

She groaned under the water. And it was one week!!! One entire stressful week just for her first episode! They would be filming more 6!

"Can I do that?" she talked to herself while turning off the shower and taking a towel. "What if fandom don't like Jane?" She heard a knock on the door and dressed fast.

"Wait a minute" her soaked and messy hair would have attention later. She ran in her tiny trailer and opened the door. It was the cast. Well, some of them. Like Misha, Ruth, Donald, David Jensen and Rob Benedict. The last one she just knew by photos. Ruth was holding one tequila bottle and smiling in front of the rest of the guys. The redhead looked like someone who had that idea.

"Heeeey Clara" She said shaking the bottle in front of her "We have one tradition on set. All the new members need to go out with us and get wasted to be part of the family. Ok?" Clara smiled, surprised. It reminds her of her friends in Minneapolis

"I was thinking to go to home today..."

"No way" Rob said "Go, change and meet us in 15 minutes"

"Where are we going?"

"The best place ever" Ruth said " We really want to meet you" She looked at Jensen, who already filmed with her. Clara liked him, because he was calm and funny. He smiled.

"Go. Or Misha and Ruth will never let me alone" Clara smiled and closed the door to change and fix her hair.

She sent a message to Alex explaining the situation and he answered with a supportive text. He said that she needed to be friends with people of the show. Speaking of the cast, she got along with Jensen, because he was more sensible and had more subjects in common with her. She couldn't get along with the others yet. And Jared was competitive, she still didn't know how to deal with him.

Clara looked at her clothes options and tried to choose fast. She decided to put one warm, right on the knees, black dress. It looked like some boho coat and got along with her military boots. She put one dark green hood and red lipstick. It was cold out there. Her visual was warm and 70's hippie at the same time and she loved that. Because it felt so comfortable. No jeans could compete with a women in comfortable clothes and military boots.

"Ready to kick some Nazis face" she joked to herself in the mirror and laughed.

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"What do you think about her?" Ruth asked excited to go get drunk for a while. Jensen laughed.

"Well, she is very calm and funny."

"She is beautiful" Rob pointed with a smirk and Jensen smiled at him.

"Me too." He teased.

"She seems less conceited." Jensen send a kiss to Rob and the men rolled his eyes. "I'm very curious, in fact. Because of the 'Andrew seeking for his muse' story." Everybody agreed. They are waiting in front of Jensen's car, that was the bigger one and everyone could be together.

"What do you think, handsome?" Jensen said while moving his eyebrows to Misha who laughed and blocked his phone. He was on twitter doing who knows what all the time. Misha just moved his lips asking Jensen to fuck off.

They stopped to talk when Clara arrived. Misha saw her without Jane's outfit for the first time. She was walking toward them with one big and lazy smile. He liked her vibe and noted she had natural brown hair, it was wavy and messy. She was wearing some clothes that remember him of those girls from Coachella. When she was near him he could smell fresh shampoo and felt something weird on the top of his stomach, like wind.

"Where is Woodstock this time?" he teased with no self control. She rolled her eyes at him, but the playful expression was there yet.

"Far away from your sense of fashion. Moma boy." She looked him up and down and Misha fixed his sweater, self conscious.

"It is cold. Can't you feel with this bare legs?" Clara widened her eyes with his audacity

"It is style.  And yours is a nerd at level 10. And by 10, I mean you really look like a boy." She smiled with her chin up and Jensen petted her shoulder.

"First thing to being part of the group is to make fun of Misha."

"This..An...This is not true you idiot." Misha rolled his eyes, done with Jensen and Clara wink at him

"No hard feelings". He snorted in a over dramatic way and let it go by laughing

"So, let's go? Sorry to let you hanging, girl hair, cold weather. I needed to dry."

"You are forgiven" Jensen joked in a formal way and Clara smiled at him

"Thank you pop. I could never live without your pardon"

"Smartass. Let's go"

Jensen and Rob are at the front seats because they are talking about music. Clara was really interested in their subject but being between Misha and Ruth got her distracted. And they are drinking already.

"Still a secret. The place we go?" she drank from the bottle and closed her eyes.

"Yup" Misha said " We will initiate you in some dark ritual and if you don't go along we will kill you."

Clara looked at him scared and horrified, Misha would start to apologised, but she begin to say.

"Oh for Satan sakes" she looked at David "With all due respect" and then back to Misha "But how did you know about my weekends activities?". He almost closed his eyes, trying to answer her, but gave up and laughed.

"Smartmouth" he took the bottle from her and drank too.

The card ride wasn't so fast, but everyone was laughing a lot. Clara was feeling much better in that moment, tequila was helping. She talked to everybody all the way and really get along with Ruth and David. Misha was funny too, but he was on his phone a lot, Donald too. And that bothered Clara. She just hated technology sometimes.

They finally arrived. It was one little and hidden pub. Inside, all the decoration was with circus theme and lamps. Her heart jumped in that moment. If it wasn't a signal of the universe, that she needed to be on that place, with that people, on that moment, she didn't know what else could be.

The decoration already won her heart. It was so cool that she couldn't get ride of her smile. Every detail was magical Including the art on the walls.

The group went upstairs where the employees seems to know everyone. Clara sat in a dark and fluffy couch that  was circulating the table. She was sitting next to Ruth and Jensen. After everybody sat they started to order.

Clara was having a hard time controlling herself, because she wanted to snap Misha's hands if he didn't turned off that little evil machine, vulgarly called like a fruit. She just hated Apple sometimes.

"Hey guys, who is the new one?" Clara smiled at the guy with the menu in hands. He was hot, with tan skin and a great smile "Are you ready for the initiation ritual?"

"Of course. I already brought the dead kittens!" She smiled back and the guy nodded.

"I'm William​, by the way. We don't need dead kittens. Just tequila"

"Oh, so wasted kittens. I'm Clara Grant. The new one!"

"Welcome little last sis. Well, here's the glasses for the Tequila thing. Something more? A burger?"

"Clara is the guest. She will order." Clara smiled at Jensen and he was intrigued by the way her smile always looked like lazy. He bet it was weed.

David was putting tequila to everyone while Clara was choosing food.

"Well. Let's start with onions rings. But nothing dead. Please. I don't eat animals."

"Vegetarian team" Ruth high fived Clara and she stroke her own face as in a commercial.

"Make my skin younger"

"Hey Misha! Let's do that" David called and the blue eyed men smiled at him and left his phone.

"I'm almost done. Really!" he excused himself and everyone started to mumbling like him "I..I.. I'm telling them about Clara!! That's all."

"So, what I was talking about?" She challenged and rest her chin in her hand, looking defiant at him. Misha liked it and made the same sassy face at her.

"About you being a vegetarian."

"The millennials" you faked one exasperated tone. And it was more fun because Misha was a little offended.

"I'm not one!"

"I can see that" She sassy her way out of the conversation

"Younger and better is the biggest lie in our society" he joked back and lift his glass.

Everyone did the same and drank. Misha looked at her eyes, she felt her cheeks burning with his stare "And, as a buddhist I appreciate your vegetarian habits."

Clara smiled feeling the buzz heating her harder. She was with empty stomach and drank one more. She let the alcohol catch her mind and lessen her inhibitions.

People continue to talk and Misha went back to his phone. After the third shot she couldn't bring herself to stop what she did next.

"Give me this shit" and took the phone from Misha's hands.

"What are you doing?" He opened his mouth, rising his eyebrows to her. Then she stole everyone's phones, including her own, and took out her hood. She put the devices inside the hood and placed that in the center of the table "The first who take the phone will pay the bill."

"You are so bossy!" Misha teased and Clara smirked at him, almost flirting.

"I'm used to hear that too" he smiled and took another shot, eyes locked into hers

"Tequila's arrives the truth rises" Ruth said " Now, we will do the asking game. We will ask you a bunch of shame questions. If you answer the people who asked will drink. If you don't you drink. Ok?

"That is tricky. What If I lie?

"Like I said. Truth rises. And this night is to people get to know you. This really helps with our line of job. " Clara liked that. "So. I'm the first because I want to drink. How old are you and where are you from?"

"I'm not so young like I want and my home is Minneapolis." Ruth drank.

"I want to know." David started "Are you from natural communities or something? Because you look like so cool and natural" she smiled at him.

"I'm graduated in philosophy and I guess that is a yes because, you already saw philosophy students?"

"My turn!" Jensen asked excited and Clara looked at him curious "Do you have weed?" Everyone was laughing now. "I'm serious!" She smiled and drank without answered that one. Misha and Jensen exchange glances after that.

Of course she had, she just didn't want to smoke with her new work colleagues. That could be bad, if anyone tell to the boss or was too conservative.

"You said." Misha begin looking right in her eyes "That you had a couple of tattoos. Where and what?" Clara raised an eyebrow at him with a playful expression and stood up. She lifted a little bit of her dress exposing her right thigh.

"This is an Owl." Misha observed her light tan thigh exposed a little bit and a black and white draw.

"It is tribal making the Owl?" he asked interested. She nodded. No one could see a lot because she pulled the dress down fast.

"I have this one too" She lifted the dress from her left wrist. It was one little spaceship taking someone from the ground "I love the concept of abduction" Clara explained. Misha laughed at the explanation"The others are hidden.A dreamcatcher in my entire back. Another one here." She touched her right arm "It is one water color draw and said "Some kind of magic" because everyone needs it in their lives"

"You are such a poetry, aren't you? "Misha said with an enchanted smiled at her. "I will drink to that" She didn't know if he was being sassy or serious so she drank too.

Clara didn't know how things get to that, but once more beer and tequila was coming, more fun and personal things were said. She asked to her new friends a lot of things too and in some point off drunkenness buzz she went to the bathroom and was lost in the wallpaper's place.

It was a lot of white and black draws of clowns, trapeze artists and circus crew. So burlesque and magical. She missed her old friends, but was fine for now. Clara looked around and found one pen. Feeling very creative, she just follow her impulse.

Back on the table

"Hey, Clara is taking a lot of time." Donald pointed while Jensen and Rob are singing some stupid thing to Ruth. The redhead was laughing a lot. Everybody on that table was passing the point of drunk.

"Yeah. I will check." Misha offered "Do you remember Samantha? Passed out on the floor." Donald agreed and Misha went to the bathrooms. He saw Clara on the floor and for a second thought his assumptions were right. Only to see she was pretty awake and doing something on the wall. He approached her "Are you depriving the pub?"

Clara jumped and then smiled at him.

"I'm contributing" and waved with her head telling him to come closer. Misha smiled, impressed and a little too drunk. He saw that Clara drew one beautiful and perfect ballerina besides the other members of the crew "She was taking the picture, she couldn't show." the brunette explained to him like a secret "So I made some magic and did her appear."

Clara was so wasted that she begin to laugh a lot. He thought that she was very cute and nice at that moment. For him it was obvious that she had some artist vein for sure. Her doodle was very good.

"Someone saw my pen?" The bartender shouted at the people and Clara begin to laugh like a child. Misha left the pen on the balcony with an accomplice glance to her. In her drunkenness bliss Clara felt her cheeks burning with his smile.

"That will be our secret. You punk." Clara gave him the biggest smile of the night. The men felt his face red like he was a 12 years old boy. Of course he blamed tequila. "Let's going back."

After her little vandalism act she went back to the group. It was one wonderful time. Everyone laughed and get along really well. In some part of the night someone stole a phone and photos began to be taking. The bartender was a friend of Rob and he drive one wasted cast back to the studios. All of them had filming schedule in the next day. Clara's was just in afternoon. Her character, Jane, would meet Castiel and Garth. It would be fun once she already saw they very wasted face.

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A/N: So this is the end of first chapter. You will see more of the cast for now. And so much more of Clara's point of view. I felt that it was important for her to be introduced before she met her love interest and everything, I just feel it. And, as explained before. This fanfiction is almost my laboratory, so feedbacks are more than welcome.

Well, be aware, I'm a hopeless romantic with a vein for drama. So, a lot of fluffy and anguish will be ahead of us for now. I don't know if I will update soon. My routine is really busy, but I will try once a week, I hope.

XOXO INFP Girl

List of chapters:

Prologue

[privilege-archives]

MILO FABRAY ➝ FIRST SIBLING

I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN

❖ FULL NAME: Milo Knox Fabray. ❖ PRONOUNS: He/Him. ❖ AGE: 25. (April 7th). ❖ BIRTH ORDER: First. Adopted. ❖ GRADE: Senior. ❖ MAJOR: Bioengineering and Medicine, with a minor in Epidemiology. ❖ SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Pansexual. ❖ ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic. ❖ FACECLAIM: Jack Falahee.

I'LL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME

He was born to a Mother too young. Born to an absent Father. He wasn’t unwanted, in fact, he was loved enough that his Mother wanted to give him a life she couldn’t provide at her age, and that was how Milo Knox Francis was destined for adoption only 3 months after his conception. Angelina was just a high school drop-out working late nights in a bowling alley, and wanted her son to have a life that she wouldn’t be able to give him.

Milo Knox was the first child to the Fabray family. Though not their child biologically, he was their first nonetheless, and was raised to believe that Judy was the one to give birth to him. He had no idea of the existence of Angelina Francis, and that was how Russell and Judy wanted it to stay. In attempt to ensure that he felt as though he were their family, their real family, they smothered him with love, affection and gifts. He had the best clothes, latest gadgets, the best toys. He was treated to days out, expensive trips, and given all the attention in the world.

Of course, for a child, this was the best thing ever. Getting everything he wanted, when he wanted, was taken for granted, but it was less fun and games as he grew. As he went from a kid to a teenager, the smothering was more bothersome than anything else, and he started to resent the constant pressure that he felt was placed on his shoulders by his family. He had sisters, too, but that didn’t change anything. Judy and Russell still pushed him too much, and it began to push him away, as opposed to making him feel included. Slowly, he pushed himself out of the picture.

At the age of 14, he made a friend. A friend who was older, 16 and a junior, unlike his freshman self. His name was Joseph Carson, and Joey was his best friend, despite the two years between them. Milo spent more time at the Carson household with Mary and Louis, Joseph, and his two twin sisters, Bethany and Brittany. Having dinner there, having family time, and spending the night, Milo was more of a Carson that he was a Fabray. And it was perfect, because being an honorary Carson meant time out of the public eye, which was greatly appreciated.

When he turned 16, Joseph was going to college at UCLA. Milo visited frequently, even spending multiple nights a week in Joseph’s dorm. Though neither of them drank, or took part in recreational drug use like the others, they still went to the college parties and mingled, made friends, enjoyed company and music. That was their scene, and Milo preferred it to anything else.

They had been running late to a party one night— Joseph was nearing the end of his sophomore year, and Milo had just turned 17. Needing to hang a late assignment to one of his professors, the boys had headed to the main building, to the office of Professor Jenkins to hang it in, before heading to the dorms for a rager. Instead of the normal, professional, intellect that was Jenkins, they found a man with white knuckles and whiskey on his breath. He was angry, living in his office while going through a messy divorce, and it was clear the moment they walked in, that he was angry, and aggressive.

An argument ensued— or less of an argument, more Joseph trying to calm Jenkins down, while Milo fidgeted nervously by the door, his eyes darting back and forth between the men, and then to the door to the side of the room that they’d came in through. Jenkins, drunk and paranoid, made a move for Milo, but was stopped by the paperweight colliding with his skull gripped in Joseph’s hand. Jenkins hit the floor, a pool of blood slowly starting to surround his head, the red reflection in Jenkins’ open eyes fading as did the light in them.

They took the paperweight, and took off, hiding the object in Joseph’s dorm before slipping off to the party. Everyone was already too far gone to notice the boys joining late, and though they were terrified that they would be caught, they got away with it.

After that, they stopped hanging out on campus, instead choosing locations in Los Angeles to chill instead. Skate parks, public parks, cafes and the beach, anywhere other than the campus. The image of Jenkins laying there, however, was burned into Milo’s mind, appearing every time his eyes closed, torturing him with the reminder of what he’d witnessed, of what they’d done. He didn’t sleep. He barely ate. He didn’t partake in any of the activities that he had before, and he didn’t tell a soul.

The sleepless nights pushed him to do things he’d never expected of himself. When the exhaustion made him start passing out in classes, and in both the Carson household and his own, before awakening shaking and scared, he gave in to a suggestion from one of the burnouts at school, and that was how his dependency on amphetamines began. It wasn’t anything bad, at first. But soon, the high that got him through the day, and the comedown that helped him crash at night, was something he learned to depend on.

The attic of his home had become one of his favourite places to hang out in. He’d sneak up there, sit in the dark with minimal light filtering in from the small window overlooking the front garden and a few rows of houses where they lived. The attic was filled with random junk, but he sifted through it most days regardless, curious of what he might find. He never dreamed that he would find adoption papers, which stated that Judy and Russell, in fact, weren’t his real parents.

It wasn’t long until his 18th birthday when he found them, and his graduation was fast approaching too, meaning he’d seen get the inheritance he’d been told he was entitled to when he graduated from high school. A couple of weeks later, he told Judy and Russell that he intended on taking a two year break before he would attend Pacific State at their wish, and he would be gone for those two years, travelling across the globe to “find himself”. Really, it was an escape, and an attempt to clean himself of what he’d been taking to get him through the last year.

It was a blissful two years, when he got over the withdrawls. With minimal contact with the Fabray’s, he spent his time travelling from city to city, country to country, meeting new people, trying new food, experiencing new cultures. He threw powder paint in the streets of India, drank beer during Oktoberfest, and walked barefoot on fields in New Zealand. He learned languages, worked with locals to make extra money, and had the time of his life.

But that couldn’t last forever, and when the two years were up, he returned to Los Angeles, and began his freshman year at the age of 20. He didn’t know what he wanted to do, but being intelligent, he decided to pursue something that required just that, something he could be successful in. He decided to double major in medicine and bioengineering, with a minor in epidemiology. It would keep him busy, and give him good prospects for when he would eventually leave school and begin his career.

But with a heavy workload, he found that the old habits were exactly what he needed to help him cope at school, and so he slipped back into it again. It’s just another secret, but he was used to keeping those by now.

Now, graduation approaches, and he plans on getting his Masters in Biomedical Engineering come the next year. He still struggles with the same addiction to help him get through every day. He still hasn’t told Judy and Russell that he found the papers 7 years ago, nor has he told his siblings, and he hasn’t told them he’s looking for his real family either. Problem is, he doesn’t have a clue where to look, with no idea that they’re right under his nose.

BABY, THERE'S NO OTHER SUPERSTAR

Milo has dark hair, that is usually slicked back, though he occasionally lets the loose waves fall over his forehead instead. Typically, he looks quite formal, he likes to wear suits and look professional, but he also likes to try a more casual look, normally just fitted jeans and button-up shirts. He doesn’t have any piercings, and his only tattoo is the words “Adventure is out there” on the side of his left foot.

YOU KNOW THAT I'LL BE YOUR PAPARAZZI

Russell is a famous entrepreneur, who owns most of Hollywood’s big brand businesses. Judy is an Oscar winning movie actress, and the children had small roles in movies as children.