#grandfather died? binging please like me

[jattendschaton]

started the owl house a week and a half ago and i have already watched it through several times. just a little update on my mental health

[aurorasilverthorne]

Fire & Blood AU ___________________

Characters Part #3:

Aegon Targaryen

The firstborn son of Viserys Targaryen & Alicent Hightower. Brother to Aemond & Helaena. Husband to Rhaena Targaryen & father to their only living son Jaehaerys Targaryen. Regrets abdicating the iron throne. Never loved his wife. Acts more like a friend than a father to his son. Is the rider of Sunfyre, a male dragon with gold scales, orange frills on his neck & body, pale pink wing membranes, & bright amber eyes.

Rhaena Targaryen

The second child & younger daughter of Laena Velaryon & Daemon Targaryen. Late wife of Aegon Targaryen & mother of Jaehaerys. Died of infection after giving birth to her only son. Rider of the dragon Sheepstealer, a male with muddy reddish brown scales.

Helaena Targaryen

The only daughter of Viserys Targaryen & Alicent Hightower. Sister to Aemond & Aegon. The wife of Vaemond Velaryon & mother to Shaeira. Rider of Dreamfyre, a she-dragon with light blue scales & silver markings. A pacifist & prophetic dreamer who wants to live a peaceful life.

Shaeira Velaryon

The only daughter & sole child of Helaena & Vaemond. Rider of the dragon Morning, a young female with pink scales & black crests & horns. Is like her mother in both personality & in the fact she's a dragon dreamer.

Vaemond Velaryon

The younger brother of Lord Corlys "The Sea Snake" Velaryon. Husband of Helaena & father to Shaeira. The admiral of the Velaryon fleet. Has been dubbed "The Lord of Salt & Sea." An ambitious man sick of living in his brother's shadow. Is one of the few who knows about & truly believes in his wife's prophecies.

Laena Velaryon

Daughter of Corlys & Rhaenys. Twin sister to Laenor. Late wife of Daemon. Mother to Baela & Rhaena. Rider of Silverwing, the she-dragon with silver scales. Died in childbirth along with her unborn babe due to complications.

Daemon Targaryen

The younger brother of Viserys Targaryen. Husband of Laena & father to twins Baela & Rhaena. Uncle to Rhaenyra, Helaena, Aemond, & Aegon. The second rider of Caraxes the Blood Wyrm after his own ncle Aemon & before his niece's eldest son Jacaerys. Died by his own hand to ensure his family wouldn't contract greyscale after he'd caught it defeating Craghas Drahar "Crabfeeder" during the battle for the Stepstones.

Rhaenys Targaryen

The wife of Corlys. Velaryon. Mother to the late twins Laena & Laenor. Grandma to Baela, Jacaerys, Lucerys, & Rhaena. Great grandmother to Vaemond, Elaena, Visenya, Jaehaerys, & Aerion. The aunt of Shaeira. Rider of Meleys, the female with scarlet scales, greenish yellow eyes, & copper horns.

Corlys Velaryon

The Lord of Tides & Lord of High Tide on Driftmark. "The Sea Snake." Husband of Rhaenys, father to the twins Laenor & Laena. Grandfather to Baela, Jacaerys, Rhaena, & Lucerys. Great grandfather to Elaena, Visenya, Vaemond, Aerion, & Jaehaerys. Master of the royal fleet. Sailed to many places far & wide & brought back rare treasures from his voyages. Displays them in The Hall of Nine. Is determined to earn his place in the history books.

___________________

Disclaimer: I do NOT own House of the Dragon or any of its characters.

Reminder: Shaeira is my OC. She belongs to me. The image of Shaeira was made by Bing Image Creator. If anyone uses her or the image in fanart or fanfiction, please remember to credit both the Bing Image Creator & me as her creators. Thank you.

Part #1: https://www.tumblr.com/aurorasilverthorne/758175401181872128/characters?source=share

Part #2: https://www.tumblr.com/aurorasilverthorne/758186985867345920/characters-2?source=share

Part #4: https://www.tumblr.com/aurorasilverthorne/758227678086283264/blood-fire-au-characters?source=share

Part #5: https://www.tumblr.com/aurorasilverthorne/758449181436362752/fire-blood-au-characters?source=share

[buckevantommy]

totally completely fine

ok. i'm not a fan of australian tv or movies bc they're always overdramatised or too darkly themed or comedic in a way i don't gel with bc i'd rather watch american comedies (not sitcoms, they need to die a firey death). plus i've never really liked the aussie accent, i've found it weirdly unsettling hearing characters speak with aussie voices and maybe that's bc being an aussie myself and wanting to use tv and movies as an escape so having that stark reminder of my own reality means it's harder to suspend and enjoy a different one for a spell. or maybe it's the fact that i, like a great deal of non-americans, have grown up watching american tv so now any non-american accent just sits weird in my brain. 

but that's why i need to express my love for this show. 

everything from the casting (diverse faces and bodies) and the actors chemistry to the setting and set design, cinematography and soundtrack, and of course the plot and characters themselves. It's so well done. It's a heartfelt dramedy that makes you care keeps you interested in wanting to know how things progress and ultimately turn out. the various relationship dynamics are full of ups and downs and it feels real in that messy way life is. 

the premise: vivian is a young mess of an adult who lost her parents in a car crash that she was also in when she was a kid. she's the youngest of 3 siblings who were raised by their grandfather who dies and leaves viv his cliffside beach house. the twist: the house backs onto a picturesque ocean cliff where people go to commit suicide. the grandfather used to try and stop them, and now it's up to viv to try and do the same. 

intense stuff so far. but this show is hopeful, it's not super dark even though it does deal with strained relationships and mental health and suicide attempts/ideation. the characters are distinct and the way their lives entwine don't distract from their individual journeys; viv is the main character but enough screentime is given to every supporting character that they all feel like main characters in their own right which is how it should be because that's how life is. 

more good news is it's short: only 6 episodes at just under an hour each (it doesn't mince screentime) so i binged it all yesterday when i wasn't feeling great and just. wow. i haven't found anything mentioning a second season but if they did more i'd watch it - but the thing is it ends with both closure and the potential for more exploration of the characters, so it feels like a realistic open ending and works as a single season story. 

i don't know if it's available overseas because it was created by and aired here by Stan (which is like our homemade Netflix) but i hope if you guys are interested you'll find a way to watch. 

bonus thing for me: seeing this story play out in my home (settings and details) was actually grounding in a way i didn't expect. like i mentioned above, most of us grow up on american tv and maybe some uk stuff and while that's good for an escape it can actually be jarring to get back into our real world. but (with good quality programming like this show) i realise aussie productions can make it a lot easier to connect with the physical world around me (not the digital world), to not feel so alone, and to know that it's worth finding productions from your homeland and they don't hinder the escape of fiction in fact they can aid in grounding it in a believable way. 

anyway. just one aussie who doesn't really like aussie-made stuff telling folks to give this show a go because i was pleasantly surprised. 

undefined

(note: if anyone has any questions or concerns about triggering content please message me or reply to this post and i'll fill you in on stuff it does or doesn't feature)

[absurdthirst]

Hi there. I’m so sorry please feel free to ignore this rant I just need to get it out. So I’m kinda worried I may have a drinking problem but I’m very concerned it might be one that I can’t kick. So my point of view of alcoholism is based on my family’s alcoholism. Sad as I am to admit it, we are First Nations people and so alcoholism isn’t uncommon in my family. Most of my family members drink but it doesn’t affect their work. They binge drink on weekends or whenever they don’t have work or kids to take care of. I have no kids, I am in school and don’t work. A close family member died a year ago ans I’ve been drinking g ALOT. this doesn’t feel like a problem until I think about it, because this has been the way most of my family deals with grief—drink heavily for a while but then go sober and never drink so much again. But I’m scared that I’ll never stop drinking. I like drinking ans I like the fact it helps me sleep and how I can just be numb. It’s not that I’m constantly in agony but I do feel stress. I know I have a problem more than likely by normal standards, but from the perspective of someone who has a lot of alcoholism in her family, I think it’s a bit less of a problem. Anyway, I don’t know how to stop or how to talk about it.

The first and hardest thing to do is to admit that you might have a problem. There are several types of alcoholics and you are not alone in dealing with the affects of it in your life.

The first thing I would do is locate a local chapter of AA

https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/meeting-guide

You can create some great contacts and pick up some tools to help ease yourself into a life of sobriety. You will be among people who know exactly what you are going through and there is no judgement.

I know that it's not easy, but for some it's all or nothing, they cannot be a casual drinker. It's something I've monitored very closely in my own life because I know for a fact my grandfather was (he got sober when I was 3?-4? never drank again) , and my brother, my uncle are alcoholics.

I am thinking about you and sending you all kinds of well wishes.

[jayalaw]

I Don’t Belong Here

Good Place/Avatar the last Airbender.  Sozin doesn't remember how he ended up in this strange relaxing place. Maike tells him he died, and he now has a soulmate.

@ashleybenlove @evilwriter37

I Don't Belong Here

He didn't know how he came to wake up in this strange place. There were trees with flowers, floating in the breeze. It looked like a meeting room, like where honored guests would sit before meeting with dignitaries. He had seen his fair share of them over the years.

"Sozin?" A man in white appeared in front of him. "Come on in."

Sozin then realized he was sitting. His fingers stroked the woven fibers. There was a warm smell of fresh-baked fruit tarts. They weren't his favorite, but they reminded him of home.

Home. Back in a world of volcanos and dragons.

They walked into the office. The walls were gilded in a golden white.

"Hi, Sozin. My name is Maike," the man said. "Let me get you up to speed. You are dead. No more mortal plane."

"I... what?" Sozin looked around. "But I don't remember..."

"In the case of traumatic deaths, we erase the memories of the deceased," Maike said. "For your convenience, your form has assumed the age where you felt happiest, which seems to be in your early twenties. But you died in your eighties, already a grandfather.”

“How?”

“Your file says that you were in bed, writing in your diary. How nice. Then one of your children arrived, knowing that your death was imminent in their hands. They came with a knife and firebending powers, obviously preparing to receive their inheritance."

"Oh." Sozin's voice became small. He knew he had issues. "One of my sons killed me."

"They tried. But they slipped and clung to your bed. They grabbed the sheets, causing you to fall out of bed and get tangled. While they did, the knife made a zigzag pattern on your sides, making it look like the characters for 'penis' and there were no waterbenders nearly to heal it. In your struggle to avoid being burned alive and stabbed, you ended up rolling out and falling off the balcony in your bed-chambers, right into a cart of fertilizer for the garden. It was fortunately sealed so all you did was crack your neck and back in multiple places. You bounced off the impact and landed in the duck-turtle pond, slowly drowning while a mother turtle-duck mauled you. Funnily enough, the gardeners on duty were having an orgy and that is why they couldn't pull you out of the water..."

"No need to go on," Sozin said, his face reddening. "What is this place?"

"There is a Good Place and a Bad Place," Maike explained. "The Good Place is where deserving souls receive their eternal reward. Everyone else goes to the Bad Place, to be eternally tortured by platypus bears that shoot needles out of their paws."

Sozin stared flatly at him. He blinked.

"Congratulations, Avatar Sozin. You have made it to the Good Place."

"What?"

"Zhēnnī tè!"

BING!

"Hi there!" A woman dressed in a messy bun said. She appeared in a blue and white dress, that stopped above the knees.

Sozin jumped and realized his fists were in a firebending pose. No flames came out.

"Oh, you don't have powers here," Maike said. "Your next life does. But please don't try to burn her. It's rude."

"I'm Zhēnnī tè, your informational assistant to the afterlife," the woman recited. "If you ever need me, call my name."  

"Zhēnnī tè will answer all of your questions," Maike explained. "She knows everything in the universe."

Sozin smiled at her nervously.

"It is nice to meet you, young lady," he said.

"Not a lady," Zhēnnī tè replied while smiling. "Just call me Zhēnnī tè."

"Let me show you to your house, and you will meet your soulmate," Maike said.

"I have a soulmate?" Sozin asked. "Is my wife dead as well? Is she here?"

"All in good time." Michael straightened his bow tie. "Zhēnnī tè, walk with us and take notes."

Wooden doors opened out onto a veranda. They strolled out through a lush garden, filled with miniature bridges that went in a maze. That was complicated:how you had to cross them to avoid crushing the grass; a sign helpfully said that it represented new souls sprouting out like the first shoots of spring. Apart from that were rocks, and Maike said no one could step on them or they would trip and fall. That would be so terrible.

Maike kept talking. He praised Sozin for stopping the Firelord's attempted invasion of the water tribes, because if that had happened, without any waterbender healers that would cause a global healthcare crisis. Without Air Nomads, the other tribes would soon fall into chaos without discussions of peace over violence and extreme solutions. At one point,  Sozin kept smiling and nodding.  

"Oh, Qidi!" Maike grinned. "Great timing!"

They were outside a stand, with "FROZEN YOGURT" listed. A man in a striped shirt grinned.

"Hello," the man said. He was holding a cup with a frozen substance. "I'm Qidi Anagoyne. You must be Sozin, my soulmate."

"Oh. Hello," Sozin said. "It is nice to meet you."

They shared a hug. Sozin could tell the man was younger than him, and fitter. This was not what he expected of a soul mate.

"Well, Qidi already knows where you live. Zhēnnī tè, we have other visitors to meet. Let's move."

"If you need me, call my name!" Zhēnnī tè chirped before she vanished. Maike turned on the path and walked away.

"I'm not going to get used to that," Sozin said, blinking.

"Don't worry, you will." Qidi turned to the stand and grabbed another cup. "Try this frozen yogurt. The flavor is Fluffy Clouds today!"

Sozin took the cup and the wooden spoon. He tentatively lifted both, to examine the material.

"We're going to have a lot of fun together," Qidi said. "Sozin, I have spent my life dedicated to uncovering the truth of the universe. And now we can spend it together, as a scholar and a human incarnation of a righteous deity."

"Likewise," Sozin said. "Can we go somewhere private? I need to tell you something."

"Sure. My house is right over there." Qidi said. "It's right by the yogurt stand."

Sozin knew that he should wait. But then, he had spent a lifetime waiting for what he wanted. Now was not the time to hesitate.

"Something's wrong," Sozin said. "I don't belong here. And I'm not the Avatar."

Time passed between them. A turtle-duck honked in the background.

"Wait what?" Qidi asked.

They started walking, and Sozin explained in an undertone. Far from being the Avatar, he was the Firelord of his time. Sozin had dreams of spreading the Fire Nation resources around the world, but his best friend Roku had stopped him.

"You wiped out an entire race of pacifists just because you were scared of a reincarnation of your best friend rising to stop you?!" Qidi asked in an undertone. "You also left your best friend to die because he knocked some sense into you and told you that conquering the world was wrong?"  

"To be fair, he was already dying," Sozin said. "I just happened to leave him there because it was a symbolic gesture that I would achieve my goals without him standing in my way."

"Okay, but that's worse. You know that’s worse, right?" Qidi asked.

They stood there in silence. Sozin did try the frozen yogurt. It reminded him of fluffy clouds above the various Air Temples.

"Yes, I murdered people," he said. "I did teach my children to take what was in front of them. But does that mean I deserve to be tortured eternally?"

Qidi fixed him with a stony look.  Sozin sighed. This was going to be a long afterlife. He only hoped that they had more time to figure out what he should do. Roku had gotten the last laugh.

[feminist-propaganda]

Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of Queen’s Gambit - Episode 7

“You know, most times when people tell us something’s for the best, it’s for the worst. This time it’s true, okay?”

Alice walks out of the car, and eight year old Beth watches her walk towards a big beautiful home. She knocks on the door and a woman with a child in her arms comes out. The woman tells her it isn’t a good time, but Alice insists. She wants to talk to Paul. Alice tells Paul he was right.

“It’s been five years. You can’t just show up here!”

“I came because I can’t do this”. admits Alice

“I cannot” she continues. “I feel like I am letting her down”.

“Why did you bring her here?” says Paul

“Because I need your help!”

“It’s too late. Please go!”

Beth watches from the car. it’s not the same Beth as the latest episodes, it’s Beth right before the orphanage. It’s car crash Beth. She understands everything. She is aware, lucid. 

Alice walks back to the car, stares at the ground. As the car rushes through the country roads, Beth asks.

“Mama, who was that?”

Alice is crying.  She responds : “A mistake. A rounding error. It’s just a problem I gotta solve. ”

Beth asks: “What problem?”

and Alice responds: “What I do with you”

Lesson 7: Ask For Help

Jolene is the first person in the Episode who comes to offer her support to Beth. She finds the house is dirty, Beth is drinking all day and popping pills. She came because she had already tried to call, and never got an answer. The phone is disconnected. She tells Beth that her Chess instructor from the orphanage died, and she offers that they attend the funeral together.

As they talk in Beth’s room, we finally get some insight into Beth’s thoughts. It’s only with Jolene that she gets this real, this comfortable. She explains that the Chess Federation has a lot of expectations from her (Russia, San Francisco, The Tonight Show). That if she doesn’t do these things, she has nothing else but the drinking. That she wants to quit drinking but she’s afraid.

Beth is caught up in a dilemma you probably struggle with too. Chess forces her to focus and perform, it keeps her off the substances she wants to abuse. But she can’t play Chess all of the time. And Chess also is a competitive sport, so it doesn’t particularly relax her. It might keep her off the drink for a while because she’s studying, getting ready for a tournament. But once the tournament is over, she binges. What’s the way out?

Beth says she feels like she’s erased her brain. What she means is that memories from her childhood, like the memory of her mother asking for help and not getting it, are so overwhelming that she would rather think about anything else than to face that.

Jolene tells her to stop digging and Beth says “Maybe it’s in me! My mother went crazy!”

“Went crazy or always was?” “I don’t know” admits Beth.

“She drink or any such?” asks Jolene. “No never” says Beth.

Jolene to conclude : “She gone”. 

They head to the funeral. But it’s not just the Chess instructor that they are releasing, it’s Beth’s mother. 

To release something you love so much, Beth learns, you have to start by thanking it for what it gave you. 

When Beth is in the car, Jolene tells her about her career, the things she’s studying, what her plan is. She tells Beth as soon as she passes the bar, she’ll leave the firm.

"What I want is what you got” 

Beth glares at her

“You’ve been the best at what you do for so long, you don’t evn know what it’s like for the rest of us”.

I am reminded of the things I wrote in Episode 1. The importance of finding a field that belongs to you and becoming the best at what you do. Challenging yourself and adding to the existing discipline. Beth thinks about that too, and probably wonders: What was it? Who was it? How did I know that I should pursue something so agressively like that? 

The girls look at the trailer park. And then pull up to the orphanage, where Beth remembers the lessons she got, she remembers being told by the teachers that her parents made poor choices. During the funeral, Beth remembers she owed the Chess instructor 10 dollars and she wants to go back to the orphanage. As she sits in the basement once more, she seems to be taking it all in. Trying to understand what it was that got her there, trying to understand what the root of it all is, what motivated her to start the Chess journey. You have to look back to remind yourself of how far you’ve come sometimes and see what general direction you’re going. She sees all of the newspaper clippings of her that Mr Shaibel collected, as well as the letter she sent him asking him for those 5 bucks.

Once Beth has faced the memory of her mother asking for help, and she has in turn asked Jolene for help, she is now ready for what therapists call the full integration of her personality. She has now balanced out all of it : her past, her present and her future; her ego, her id and her it. 

When the Christian Crusade offers her a stack of money for her to speak out against the U.S.S.R, Beth tells them she isn’t going to do it. She asks Benny for help but he thinks she ‘s stupid for not accepting the free money. In the end, Jolene is the one who pays for the trip to Moscow.

In Moscow, Beth doesn’t drink. But more importantly, when she has to play the finale against Borgov, she gets on the phone with all of her friends reunited in New York. They’ve each studied a branch of game, they’ve summarized it for her and found the best play. She’s ready.

It’s difficult for single mothers to ask for help, probably because it reminds them of their children’s fathers. They’re probably not around at the moment, and probably aren’t helping out. What you learn, when you face such a situation is to become strong. People tell you to be resilient, and they mean well.

But strength isn’t something a single mother should rely on forever. Strength is what makes you drink at night and pop pills. Strength is what makes you accept abusive behavior, because you think you can take it. Strength is what pushes you to work several jobs. Strength is the voice in your head that tells you that you don’t need to sleep more than 5 hours a night. You got this, remember?

How can a single mother be something else than strong? How can she raise her kids right but at the same time show vulnerability? Where can she look for help?

There isn’t one answer, but I guess this is where I’ll speak my peace on this topic.

The expression “it takes a village” is real. 

In the 1950s, after the Second War World, a new world order was designed and pushed onto the West. The United States started producing a bunch of consumer goods and they wanted to sell them. Consumerism was invented. Back in the day, people lived in farms, they owned 1 x car and they shared it amongst themselves. Not everyone had a lawn mower. People made a lot of their own food, they knew how to process and transform it.

In the 1950s, a new concept was introduced : the nuclear family. All of a sudden there was this huge pressure to get married, have some kids, buy a house in the suburb, have a nice lawn and own a dog. The house came with a lot of stuff inside of it like vacuum cleaners and center pieces and toys. Children were fed advertisements from a young age and were taught to desire things, consume them and then throw them away.

The nuclear family model was a model that excluded the aunts, the uncles, the neighbours, the friends, the grandfathers, the grandmothers, the teachers, the shopkeepers. In that sense, it was the opposite of community, the opposite of communism.

The nuclear family model was invented to sell more Ford cars and tea sets. But the unintended consequences of it was to place a huge amount of pressure on men and women alike to live up to this ideal. Because women at the same time were being trapped in the housewife occupation, they became bitter, depressed human beings. Their husbands couldn’t understand them, and many left.

Who was left once the husbands left? In this new system, no one. Before, men would die at war, women would die in childbirth, death was omnipresent. But community was alive and well in the villages, on the farms. When women were widowed, they quickly remarried. And men did the same. If that’s not what they wanted to do, solutions were found, sisters would live with their sisters, mothers would take in their daughters. Generations lived together and learned from eachother.

The children didn’t rely so much on the presence of one particular individual, a village was raising them.

Single mothers, I reckon, should look for help, ask for help and accept help. Alice’s mistake was that she could only think of one person to ask for help - that was her ex husband. Beth overcomes this in Episode 7. And in the last scene, we see her exiting the taxi that is taking her back to the U.S.A where the President wants to meet her.

Instead, she walks a couple of blocks in Moscow until she finds chess players. Because that’s what chess was always about : a game that people liked to play. Something, an activity, that children and adults can find solace in. A moment where one can be in the present, without worrying too much about what is going on at home right now or what will happen if we disapoint the people around us.

Games preceded toys. Games fascinate children. Toys just frustrate them.

One last thought. Games are mathematical objects. If you study math, you’ll see that in Probabilities, you use the dice as a classic example to calculate the probability of each outcome. Beth’s mother was a mathematician, and the last thing she explains to Beth is that “she has a problem”. She believes she is failing as a mother, and needs to find a better environment for young Beth. Her problem is she can’t figure out what this better environment could be.

Beth’s mother studies the landscape around her, the people she knows, the codes they follow. She calculates, in her mind, that Beth’s best shot at life will be to lose her mother. If she loses her mother, she can be received in an Orphanage, where some stability and comfort will be provided. Alice, Beth’s queen, decides to sacrifice herself to save the Kingdom, which is Beth’s future. I said Alice made a mistake when she failed to ask for help to people that weren’t her husband. But maybe I am not giving her enough credit. Maybe she has already studied those possibilities and she just found that the best outcome was for her to die.

It’s sad, but when you look at the result in the end you can’t help but think she might’ve been right. Beth was raised by an incredibly smart, forward thinking woman, who taught her how to carry herself in life, and now she’s sucesful and she’s found a place where her talents can be valued, where her gifts are noticed.

[amphibious-thing]

idiot-on-the-hill replied to your post “.”

Please, make a post about all the dumb d'eon was cis theories and why they're dumb. Please, I am begging you. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life, never, I swear 🥺

Well now I have to do it don’t I!

I should probably start by pointing out that all these theories are dumb cause none of them are more plausible than d’Eon being trans, but lets get into some more detail and discuss all the other reasons why these theories are dumb. As some of these theories are reliant on understanding the circumstances of d’Eon’s life around the time that she transitioned, I’ll give a short summary for those who are unfamiliar with d’Eon.

D’Eon was amab and lived the first 40ish years of her life presenting as a man, during this time she was a spy/solider/diplomat. She was a member of King Louis XV secret spy ring, the Secret du Roi. The Secret du Roi answered directly to the king and was unknown to the French government. This put people like d’Eon in a difficult situation where they had to balance what the government wanted them to do with what the King wanted them to do. After the Seven Years War d’Eon was sent to London as a diplomat to help negotiate a peace treaty with England. However she was also secretly being sent by King Louis as a spy to conduct reconnaissance for secret plan to invade England. D’Eon, not wanting to be thrown under the bus if she was discovered doing this, got this order in writing. Long story short d’Eon got into a very public feud with another French diplomat in London which embarrassed the French and led to her bing exiled, at least publicly. Secretly however she was still working as a spy for King Louis and was being paid for this work.

During her exile in London rumours started to spread that she was secretly a woman. While it’s impossible to know how these rumours started many believe that she probably started them herself. While she didn’t comment on the rumours publicly at first she did confirm privately to several people that these rumours were true (its probably worth noting that one of these people was a gossip columnist). After King Louis XV died Louis XVI became king of France. Louis XVI decided to end his grandfathers secret spy ring. However d’Eon had top secret information including the plans to invade England which potentially could have started a war between England and France. She had so far remained quiet about this because she was being paid a salary by Louis XV. Louis XVI knew he had to handle the d’Eon situation carefully. They reached an agreement, d’Eon would return all the sensitive papers she had and remain silent on the top secret information she was privy too and in return King Louis would end her exile in London, award her a lifetime pension and legally recognise her as a woman.

Now onto the dumb theories.

1. D’Eon pretended to be a woman for political reasons

The theory: This theory argues that d’Eon due to her actions would have been locked up in the Bastille had she returned to France as a man. As France was a patriarchal society woman, usually, had less power than men, thus if d’Eon returned as a woman she would have been seen as less of a threat than had she returned as a man. This theory argues that d’Eon pretended to be a woman in hopes that she would be shown leniency due to her gender. It seems this one may have originated form d’Eon’s contemporary Henriette Campan who wrote in her memoirs:

This eccentric being had long solicited permission to return to France; but it was necessary to find a way of sparing the family he had offended the insult they would see in his return; he was therefore made to resume the costume of that sex to which in France everything is pardoned. The desire to see his native land once more determined him to submit to the condition, but he revenged himself by combining the long train of his gown and the three deep ruffles on his sleeves with the attitude and conversation of a grenadier, which made him very disagreeable company.

Why this theory is dumb: The most obvious issue I have with this theory is that had d’Eon decided to live as a woman in hopes that she would be seen as less of a threat, wouldn’t she actively be trying not to cause a fuss to avoid being arrested? Instead she repeatedly tries to rejoin the army as a woman leading her to be arrested anyway. The main problem with this theory however is that d’Eon wasn’t just begging France to take her back she was blackmailing the King of France. If all she wanted to do was return to France and live a quiet life, I don’t see why she couldn’t have done this as a man. Am I really meant to believe that she had enough power to negotiate a life long pension but not enough to return to France as a man had she wanted to. While this theory sort of makes sense if you squint at it form afar, it’s a bit of a reach.

I will say this is probably the best of these theories it really only goes downhill form here folks.

2. King Louis forced d’Eon to live as a woman

The theory: This one is a bit of a variant of the last. In this theory the argument is again that d’Eon was less threatening as a woman than she was as a man. However in this theory it’s not d’Eon who comes up with the plan it’s King Louis.

Why this theory is dumb: Do I really have to justify this theory with response? Do I? I guess I do. Besides the obvious reasons why this theory is dumb, it also doesn’t really make a lot of sense with the information we do have. If it was Louis XVI plan, which seems to be what people are suggesting, why was d’Eon telling people as early as 1772 that she was a woman when Louis XVI was not king until 1774? Louis XVI wouldn’t have even known about the d’Eon problem at this point.

3. Beaumarchais convinced d’Eon to live as a woman

The theory: This theory is a combination of the first two, except in this one it was apparently Beaumarchais idea that d’Eon live as a woman. (For those who are unfamiliar, Beaumarchais was the man sent by Louis XVI to negotiate with d’Eon. He had his own reasons for wanting to gain the favour of the King.)

Why this theory is dumb: d’Eon was already telling people she was a woman before Beaumarchais seems to have had any stake in the plan at all. Also all the reasons why the first two are dumb also apply here.

4. It was the only way to stop the rumours

The theory: This theory argues that d’Eon didn’t start the rumours that she was a woman and that there was just no way for her to stop these rumours other than to accept them as true.

Why this theory is dumb: Are you really telling me that a cis man would chose to live the rest of his life as a woman rather than idk agree to be examined by a doctor?

5. D’Eon was a crossdresser

So first I should acknowledge that the vast majority of people who I see claiming that d’Eon was just a crossdresser, don’t seem to have done much research on d’Eon at all, so they’re mostly just misinformed and don’t have any particular theory or anything. However there is a theory that tries to argue this.

The theory: D’Eon was a crossdresser who was caught wearing woman’s clothing. This started the rumours that she was a woman. D’Eon decided that it was better to be seen as a woman who pretended to be a man than as a man who enjoyed wearing womens clothing. This theory argues that had it been made public that d’Eon was a man who liked to wear woman’s clothing that she could have been executed for sodomy.

Why this theory is dumb: Mostly there just ins’t any evidence that she was ever caught wearing woman’s clothing around this time. The rumours weren’t that she was a man wearing women’s clothing they were that she was a woman wearing men’s clothing. Crossdressing balls were also somewhat popular in England around this time so it seems like a stretch to say that even if this did happen she would have been executed without any evidence of actual sodomy.

6. D’Eon dressed as a woman to seduce women

The theory: This theory suggests that d’Eon was actually a cishet man who pretended to be a woman so she could have sex with married women behind their husbands backs. This theory is usually connected with the rumour that she had an affair with Queen Charlotte.

Why this theory is dumb: d’Eon wasn't even attracted to women.

[hqsloane]

hello !! it’s ally back at it again with another muse !! for those of you who don’t know, i also play violet ( the taylor hill fc ) !! but this is a very new muse that i’m v excited about, so if you want to plot just like this post & i’ll slide into your dms <3 

chicago’s very own sloane windsor has been spotted on madison avenue driving a rolls-royce dawn , welcome ! your resemblance to charlotte d'alessio is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twentieth birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re insatiable , but being gregarious might help you . i think being a libra explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be designer sunglasses disguising bloodshot eyes , vintage abba records , a room full of first place trophies. ( i just got out of rehab for a drug addiction ) & ( cisfemale + she/her  ) +  ( ally , 21 , she/her )

full name: sloane ( warrior ) madeleine ( of french origin woman meaning ‘ woman from magdala or high tower ’ ) windsor ( english last name ). nickname(s): s, princess. age: twenty. birthday: 3 october 1999. zodiac: libra. gender: cisfemale. pronouns: she / her / hers. sexual orientation: bisexual. languages spoken: english & french. hometown: buckhead, georgia. occupation: vlogger. parents: darcy sinclair ( rachel mcadams ) & spencer windsor ( jon hamm ). siblings:  two older brothers. pet(s): forrest ( golden retriever ) & jenny ( border collie ). religion: southern baptist. drink / drugs / sex: yes / yes / yes. height: 5′5. right/left handed: left handed. tattoos: a rose on her hip ( x ), this on the back of her right elbow, & a quote on her ribs ( x ).  positive traits: gregarious, discerning, tender, impartial, dignified, courageous, independent, empathetic, & audacious.  negative traits: covetous, controlling, aloof, rebellious, daunting, compulsive, tactless, vain, cunning, obstinate, & snarky. hobbies: photography, traveling, procrastination, meddling, partying, late night instagram live streams, dancing on tables well past last call, visiting art museums, & video editing. habits: tying her hair up in a loose ponytail when she’s stressed, fleeing the country on a whim, chewing the insides of her cheek in order to hold back what she truly wants to say, chewing the ends of brightly colored pens, binge drinking, & doodling. labels: the catalyst ( the independent one ), the doctrinaire ( the perfectionist ), & the aesthete ( the muse ). aesthetics: cat eye sunglasses shielding emerald hues, mascara tear stained cheeks, shattered trophies, polaroids, disposable film, late night notifications, hiding any ounce of emotion behind a camera, paint splattered jeans, parisian architecture, sunday brunch, missed phone calls, & the longing for her mother’s approval.  style inspo: nicola peltz, bella hadid, kendall jenner, rosie huntington whiteley, meghan markle, & alexa chung. here are just a few examples of her wardrobe !! ( x x x x x )  muse inspo: monica geller ( friends ), caroline forbes ( the vampire diaries ), serena van der woodsen ( gossip girl ), lydia martin ( teen wolf ), peyton sawyer ( one tree hill ), nancy wheeler ( stranger things ), & emily fitch ( skins ). net worth: 30 million.

background ;;

before spencer & darcy got married in 1989, they knew all they wanted was one child: a girl. yet, their life did not go according to plan. after they welcomed their first child into the world ( a boy ), they figured that the next one would be a girl. they of course loved their son more than anything in this world, but they knew they wanted a daughter to complete their growing family. however, when darcy discovered the sex of their second child was a boy, she knew she wouldn’t stop having children until they welcomed their perfect girl into this world.

soon after the birth of their second son, they discovered they were expecting again. this time, with the daughter they had always wanted !! sloane was born on october 3rd, 1999 in a wealthy suburb of atlanta, georgia. & from the day she was born, an enormous pressure was put on her.

what you need to know about the windsor family ( other than their strong southern roots ) is that they’re extremely rich. they are high key based off the carrington’s from dynasty bc i’m #trash. buttttt what you need to know is that they own a multibillion dollar international oil company called windsor industries ( formerly known as windsor petroleum group ). 

if you aren’t familiar with oil conglomerates, all you need to know is that windsor industries are responsible for literal power. they are one of the leading producers for oil & gas in the world which is why they have offices all over the country. & let me tell you, they don’t conduct business ethically !! they are notorious for fracking & their continuous use of fossil fuels. when people talk about climate change, they constantly bring up windsor industries & how much they have contributed to global warming. & to make matters worse, spencer & his eldest son put millions of dollars into the pockets of politicians to get them to support their cause & vote against climate change regulation. so if we all burn up one day, you can blame them !!

the windsor family has lived in georgia for generations ( big yikes ) & that’s where they started the family business in 1942. spencer’s grandfather came from a long line of prominent politicians in state politics which is why his family was ready to disown him when he decided to go into business over politics. but when his business took off & he was making more money than everyone else in his family by the age of twenty-two, they quickly shut up & started supporting him.

since then, windsor industries has been passed down from generation to generation. spencer was handed the business on his thirtieth birthday ( twenty years ago ) & has been dominating ever since. once his eldest son turned eighteen, he quickly got him involved & he is expected to take over the family business one day.

as successful as his business is, spencer is known as the bad guy in america. he is a billionaire who doesn’t know what it’s like to come from humble beginnings. he was literally handed a multibillion dollar business & the rest was history !! he definitely is a bad guy since he doesn’t care about the environment or anything else. all he cares about is making money no matter who gets hurt. he was even considered to work for trump at one point but quickly declined !! he just wrote him a big ass check instead bcsjkhdfs

but he does love his family. he would do literally anything for his family despite his tough love approach to his two sons. but when it comes to sloane, he is a complete softie. she can literally do no wrong in his eyes which is why they have such a great relationship !!

darcy, on the other hand, did not come from a lot of money. like her husband, she’s also from georgia but she’s not from a rich suburb. she is from a rural town where she literally grew up in a trailer. & from an early age, she always knew she wanted more. she was always ungrateful for her life & could have cared less about how hard her parents worked to support her & her three other siblings. 

things for darcy changed by the time she was eighteen !! she became miss. america which isn’t that big of a deal for most. but she took pride on receiving that title after years of competing in local pageants. despite not coming from a lot of money, she always knew how to fool the judges & everyone else for that matter. she really could have cared less about school, all she cared about was winning pageants.

so when she made it into miss. universe, she thought her life was going to be complete !! yet, it didn’t go according to plan. darcy lost the competition & her short lived media coverage quickly died. no one knew who darcy sinclair was until it was announced that she was marrying one of the heirs to windsor industries. 

the reason why darcy wanted a daughter so bad was so she could also be a pageant contender. she didn’t want her daughter to grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, or anything else for that matter. all she wanted for sloane from the day she was born was to be a pageant queen.

by the time sloane turned five, her mother had already registered her for her first pageant. & unlike the ones darcy used to compete in, this was prestigious. her entire childhood consisted of tap dancing classes & pageants taking priority over school. & because her parents pride themselves on their southern values, they really could have cared less about their daughter attending school. so it came as no surprise when she started to slip up !!

& of course, they bribed her school to fix her grades. from the outside looking in, everyone wanted sloane’s life. she had it all: money, family, looks, everything. but in reality, her mother was working her like a dog. she would be practicing for pageants seven days a week with little to no breaks. but once she was crowned little miss georgia, they knew she was destined for greatness. 

the older she got, the more pressure her mother would put on her. & sloane took that pressure extremely seriously. all she ever wanted was to please her mother, so she would strive to be nothing less than perfect. & in order to keep up with the strict demands of her mother & her life, she started turning to drugs. at first, she would start taking adderall to have more energy that way she can cater to her hectic schedule. 

even sloane will admit that her high school years were a blur due to her growing drug abuse. the only thing holding her together was her growing addiction to pills. her mother knew. she saw the empty pill bottles lying around her bathroom & there was even a late night where she had to call 911 after finding her only daughter unresponsive. but she never told anyone. she never even asked sloane if she was okay or if she needed help. she only cared about her daughter becoming miss. universe since that was a title that she was robbed of.

all her life, sloane has tried to please her mother. everything she has ever done has never been good enough for her. so by the time she was a senior in high school, she decided the only way to escape her life was by going to college. she knew she didn’t have the grades to get in anywhere far enough from atlanta, even if her parents ensured her transcripts were nothing short of flawless. but when she sat her parents down & told them that she wanted to attend college, she was surprised by their reactions. her father, who has always supported sloane, was willing to do anything she wanted even if that meant delaying his wife’s plans for her. & even her mother came around on the idea after she promised her that she would go back to training for miss. universe once she finished college.

& following her graduation from high school, she packed her bags & went to the university of chicago. she figured that this was a school far enough away from her mother which is why she told her father this was the school of her dreams. sloane never questioned anything during her applications process. all she knew was that she needed to leave her mother’s grasp & learn to live life for herself.

at college, she had decided to study photography soon realizing that is one of her passions in life. & she’s damn good at it too. & even though sloane started living life in college, her drug addiction only worsened. there, she was introduced to even more drugs & the craze of combining uppers & downers.

things started to get crazy last year during the college admissions scandal when it was revealed that spencer & darcy had paid to get sloane accepted into the university of chicago. the school agreed to allow her to finish the semester before they would ultimately expel her due to the negative press coverage. & of course on her last night at school, sloane ended up in the hospital.

after combining far too many uppers & downers at a frat party, she overdosed. this was not the first time she landed up in the hospital after a night out, but it was the first time her father found out. & once he found out, he ensured that she would seek the help she needed.

so that’s where sloane spent the entire summer !! in a private rehab center seeking treatment for drug addiction. however, her family could not afford anymore scandals. so they quickly buried any stories about their youngest child’s overdose & told the media that she was traveling the world with friends this summer. sloane’s scandal is something that they are without a doubt ashamed of despite how many times her father has insisted the opposite. they are willing to do anything to bury this secret, no matter the cost. 

now, she’s twenty years old & living in new york. following her discharge from rehab, she wanted to move as far away from chicago as she could. she knows she can’t enroll in college anytime soon given her family’s involvement in the college admissions scandal, but she is wiling to do just about anything to avoid moving back home.

nowadays, you can find sloane vlogging !! she has a v successful youtube channel that is similar to matt king’s ( if ya’ll know who that is ily ). but all you need to know is that she is a daily vlogger with an artsy style & she definitely does q & a videos & all that fun stuff. she is still very dependent on her father’s money but she is making a lot of money off youtube.

personality & misc ;;

personality wise, i’d say she’s pretty easy going. her taste isn’t the usual which i’ll probs go into a little bit, but that doesn’t mean she’s not approachable unlike vi.

truth be told, she’s all over the place & has a lot of depth. she has the ability to light up any room she walks into but that doesn’t mean she lets people walk all over her. after dealing with darcy sinclair for eighteen years, sloane knows when to fight back & channel her rich bitch side.

she’s also really fucking smart despite her fuck ups & she would know her true potential if she just stopped getting fucked up all the time. even though she went to rehab, she isn’t clean but that doesn’t stop her from telling her dad she is.

has never had a serious relationship tbh

instead, she’s had flings that are like relationships without the title.

she may act like an independent bitch but she is also a 100% a daddy’s girl & calls him up for money every other week

very artistic 

aside from photography, she is great at painting & drawing & you can find dozens of sketches lying on the floor of her room ( you can also find baggies on her desk tbh )

extremely possessive of her family despite her relationship with her mom. she won’t let anyone else insult her other than her.

hella impulsive

speaks fluent french

also has an apartment in paris that she visits all of the time

tbh, she’s just in love with art. you will always find her at a museum just gazing at art for hours

she’s also constantly leaving the country for vlog material

doesn’t want to think that she has an accent but low key does

even though she’s a huge perfectionist, her room is literally always a mess but she doesn’t let just anyone see that

overall, she is a perfectionist art h*e tbh

if you made it this far ily. here’s her pinterest board if you want to take a look !! it’s v late for me rn & i have to get up early tomorrow so i don’t have any wc listed out but i promise i will bombard you all with plot ideas okay ily

[zanybonkcreatorzine-blog]

Hi anyone, I have been struggling my whole life to stay alive. The way I feel about the world teeters back and forth everyday. With that being said it makes it almost impossible for me to keep going day after day.

My Father went over with the Navy to Iraq when I was 5 and he never came home the same man. My family is whole But i have never felt like I had a father. More like a silhouette man coexisting in my life.

When I was 9 and many impressionable people from my inner family circle passed away. My grandfather passed away a month after I was born, my grandmother from ovarian cancer 9 years later, their daughter- my aunt to brain cancer, and her sister my other aunt to a car crash. My aunts died 2 years prior to my grandmothers death.

Then boom human hormonal phase, from 7th-9th grade full torment from all my classmates. Any name they could think of I got, mind you I went to catholic school, and my 2 best friends were a little peculiar. Years later it turns out my friends are happily dating one another..

As high school rolled around life seemed to become less foggy and more stable but the loneliness, empty feelings and total numbness grew and grew. Unhealthy habits developed mentally and physically as a coping mechanism. I broke up with someone for wanting to just be there, Someone who wanted to stay. It was something that can never be forgiven. I picked up as senior year came around, applied to colleges, went through all the motions.

The summer after senior year I attended a local college 30 minutes from home. As a freshman wanting the whole college experience I opted to live on campus. Upon starting college I broke up with my 2nd boyfriend of 2 years after having to beg him to let me leave. We just were not right for each other. I began speaking to my ex again but later dismissed it for a college boy, never giving him an explanation for it other than I had a new boyfriend. I wanted to be in that clique in college. I wanted to make those amazing memories dreamed about and once freshman year drew to an end I though I had done that. The people I associated with were utter assholes to say the least. They pushed me toward alcoholism and reckless habits. They even placed me in positions of sexual abuse. I picked up habits of smoking, binging, and slacking off on work.

Ding ding ding you’re correct if you guessed that college boyfriend of mine cheated on me.. multiple times, multiple girls. Ding ding ding you’re also right if you guessed that in between all the little fights and final end to the relationship that my ex was there, open arms admitting to loving me still.

The trauma from abuse in my previous relationship and college flashbacks made me feeel helpless. I knew I couldn’t commit to anyone or anything. I took time to myself and eventually enrolled into a trade school. I love the career path I had chosen. I also evemtually caved to the charming and charismatic personality that was my first love. We chose to rekindle our old relationship on one Memorial Day.

For awhile it really did help boost me up. However as of June the year prior I had began seeking a therapist and medication for my mental state. As the summer seemed to be a perfect love story it drew to an end and so did the honeymoon phase. I quickly realized there was someone else in my mans life. A talk was had and the random girl was dismissed. But it happened again.... after a break so he could think and much heart ache on both ends we wanted to keep pushing. Leading to a much more helpful therapist and new medication, severe depression, uncontrollable emotions, no self control, and no desire to leave my bed. After time I pulled out of it. The relationship has since improved and the love is just as strong. It is electrical. But the feeling. they are always there. I feel like all I do is push people away, after drinking or just having a bad day arguments seems to arise with everyone in my life.

To top off the most relevant times of my life, I have lost 3 of my very close friends all one month apart between November- January. My birthday lies in December, it was my 21st birthday.

I lost one of my best friend, I lost the only person who really understood my sadness and could connect with me. He passed 8 days before my birthday. 8 days before we were going to go out and have a blast smoke, drink, and make those amazing memories I had always wanted. Losing him was a blur.v”life goes on” it always did. After everyone that has passed in my life that’s what I’ve always been told. He was a classmate, my boyfriends bestfriend, my coping mechanism. My boyfriend was the one to find him, first thing in the morning after a party. Unknown causes to this day.

All I want to know is how does life go on. I have been able to rough through all other chaos in my life, but without you, I feel so empty. It has been months, losing people as you grow up is eye opening. People you chose to place in your life are just people you are invinting to your funeral. I am 21 years old and I am high anxiety, I am severely depressed and I miss you friend so much. I am doing this for you.

Hello everyone I desperately want to think more positively and try to express myself and the mental illnesses I have in a way I feel comfortable the same way I used to be able to do with my dearly loved angel.

Thank you if you took the time to read this, it’s appreciated! Please reach out share things, follow me, I’m new here, I need friends.

[defenderadora]

°✧｡ [ELIZA TAYLOR, CIS-FEMALE, SHE/HER] IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE ADORA JOINED VELIA FROM SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA. APPARENTLY, THEIR NAME IS HARLOW WOLFE AND THEY’RE A WARRIOR. THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING AS A CATALYST MEMBER FOR A WHILE NOW. DIDN’T PEOPLE SAY THEY WERE NOT A BETA TESTER? I HEARD THEY TURNED TWENTY-EIGHT THIS YEAR. LET’S HOPE THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE.

hi sweeties! i’m ray and i’m exceptionally excited to be apart of this gorgeous rp. below the cut is some info about my lil babe harlow adora. if you’d like to plot hit me up or i’ll come to you. 

CHARACTERISTICS

full name :  harlow amelia wolfe

username : adora

velia level : seventy-one

birthplace : sydney, australia

age :  twenty-eight

zodiac sign : cancer

sexuality : bisexual

height : 5′4′

build : petite and curvy

piercings : standard lobe || upper lobe || tragus || helix

tattoos : x | x | x | x

scars : one along her ankle from a childhood injury

song : please don’t go by joel adams

PERSONALITY

positive : determined || focused || survivor || resourceful || protective || brave

negative : blunt || cunning || restless || callous || resentful || grief-stricken || ruthless

BEFORE VELIA

harlow wolfe was born in the suburb of birchgrove to a middle-class family. her father worked in the tech industry and her mother a pediatrician. harlow is the middle child of two other siblings. an older brother (by three years) who has always been a protector (also being someone harlow idolized) and a younger sister (by seven years) who some would say was spoiled growing up. since harlow only had her brother as a playmate at home for seven years of her life, she steered away from the more feminine things in life and gravitated more towards the rougher things. instead of baby dolls or stuffed animals, harlow carried around toy swords and nerf guns, always itching to have a battle with her elder brother. despite her upbringing into more tough activities, she still had a big heart. too many times her parents would catch her nursing an injured animal back to health hidden away in her bedroom closet. for a while, she dreamed of becoming a veterinarian.

at the age of five, her brother, who was eight at the time, got into gaming and she soon followed. surprisingly, her favorite games were those with little violence. anywhere from life-simulation rpg (akin to the sims) to racing games. she also found herself fond of old-timey adventure games where the characters wouldn’t die. instead, they would respawn from the lasted saved spot (think legend of zelda (specifically wind waker), sonic, mario, etc). the next year, at the age of six, is when she met her best friend, darius. while searching for a new game to try out at the towns game store, she bumped hands with a little boy while they were reaching for the same game. almost immediately they became the best of friends, begging their mothers to exchange information so they could see one another again. darius was the one who introduced her to the more violent battle games in their early tweens.

the two stayed close (they tried dating but found it too odd so they decided just to stay friends) up until the age of twenty-five. harlow had met someone the year before who she thought was going to be her forever but darius didn’t trust this individual. turns out, darius’ intuition was correct. the person she met was a criminal who had been to jail numerous times for petty theft. harlow was unaware of this though. one day her prized class ring, as well as her grandfather's watch, her mothers pearls, and her brother's sports cards, went missing then somehow turned up in darius’ possession, causing her to believe that he had been the one to steal the items. turns out, it had been her partner who wanted to sell them off for some cash for drugs, and when they were almost caught, they dumped the items into darius’ bag. 

harlow (stupidly) blamed it all on darius and never gave him a chance to explain his side of the situation. he had dabbled with drugs in the past and had quit, but she assumed he got back into them, something he had promised he’d never do again. once she found out that it had been her partner who stole the items, she assumed that darius had been the one who gave them the location of her families most valuable items and continued to resent him for betraying not only her but her family as well. she blocked his number and banned him from stepping foot on her families property.

VELIA

adora, harlow’s chosen username, was always a nickname she used in any of her game servers. she may or may not have binged ‘she-ra’ when she was younger and become absolutely obsessed with the warrior princess character. she had always been attached to powerful female characters who weren’t afraid to be themselves. the old harlow would have joined velia as a knight of the blood oath or a unity member. however, since she was joining a few months after the betrayal from the two people she loved most in life, she decided to join under catalyst. she had intended to use the simulation to get out her anger from real life drama, that is until she realized she couldn’t leave.

little did she know, darius had also joined the game (under achilleus) since the two had talked about it while promotions were happening. he joined under unity. since he was familiar with her usernames for past servers, achilleus ended up finding her and once he said her real name, she knew it was him. he had been surprised to see that she joined under catalyst but didn’t question her on the matter. this was the time for him to finally force her to listen to him. it took a few months but she finally found her sanity and forgave him for what she thought he had done. she actually found herself begging him for forgiveness for her stupidity. things were going well for a while, she was still angry at her ex so she still found herself not minding being apart of catalyst.

about the six month mark is when tragedy struck. adora found herself unable to hold off a pack of monsters, her life source depleting rapidly until achilleus came to her rescue. while he was able to assist her in their defeat, his life energy shrank to life-threatening levels. he had given adora his only healing potion from his own guilds mystical, which she had used on herself. achilleus died in adora’s arms that day, ending darius’ life in the real world as well. her best friend from childhood that she had just gotten back was gone. 

after that day, her heart turned dark. while she had managed to keep her curser on green for her whole experience, she now didn’t care if it turned orange, or even worse, red. life was becoming meaningless without her best friend in it. without him, she trained harder than she ever had before, her player level rapidly rising. she finally found herself thriving within catalyst, becoming one of their best warriors due to her cunning and callousness.

months past, her curser showing no signs of returning back to green, when suddenly achilleus appeared before her, over the water, while she was fishing. long story short, he expressed his disappointment in who she had become after his demise. which is when she showed the apparition her precious wooden block that she had cut from a tree stump where she carved out each name of the people she has indirectly or directly killed. she remembers all of them. though, she keeps it a secret from her fellow guild members, knowing they wouldn’t approve of her keeping something with sentimental value that weakened her ruthless fighting spirit.

adora continues to see apparitions of achilleus where he is pleading with her to be good, to do better, telling her that he’s afraid she’s losing her humanity. she doesn’t see why it matters since she’s clearly already lost her mind. 

she wishes to be her old self again, to make darius proud, but she feels as though she is too far gone. she can no longer be saved from her demons and maybe she doesn’t wish to be saved.

POSSIBLE WC

tbh i haven’t thought too much about this?? so this is to be determined as of right now. i’m very open to plotting though.

[sincerely-us-imagines]

it’s all about the money, honey (Connor Murphy x Reader)

connor paying you to be his fake girlfriend! based on the anon i got last night!

I didn’t really proof this so let me know if i’ve made any mistakes!

warnings: swearing and a little angst. i think that’s it?

The final bell rang and you breathed a sigh of relief as you stuffed your books into your backpack and slung it over your shoulder. It was finally Friday, and you had nothing to do over the weekend. You were completely free. Walking out of the classroom, you made a list of all the Netflix shows you needed to get caught up on. You still hadn’t finished Madmen, but the new season of Riverdale just came out and, even though it was kinda trashy and way over dramatic, you still enjoyed sitting down and binge watching it with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. But there was also that movie you heard someone else talk about in class, Alex Strangelove. It sounded like something you might like. But The Toys That Made Us also just released new episodes, and that’s a pretty neat show. And funny, too, for it to be a documentary series. Ooh, you had something new on your list too, though--

“Y/n!” you were pulled out of your thoughts by someone’s hand on your shoulder, yanking you off to the side, out of the sea of students all heading towards the exits. You looked up to see a panting and disgruntled Connor Murphy.

“What the hell, I’ve been calling your name.”

“Didn’t hear you.” you shrugged his hand off. You’d tolerate him touching you around his family, sure, but you didn’t want it happening when it wasn’t necessary.

“I need you to come over tonight.”

“No.” you said simply.

“What?”

“I said no. I’m busy.”

“Busy with what? Holing up in your room and watching TV by yourself?”

“None of your business.” you hoped he couldn’t tell he hit the nail right on the head.

“Just, please, Y/n.”

“Why? What’s so important that you need me over there so bad?”

“My grandmother’s coming into town tonight. Larry told her I had a girlfriend and now she wants to meet you.”

You barked out a laugh.

“It’s one thing for me to lie to your parents and Zoe, but your grandmother? That’s not happening.” You turned to walk away when he something that caught your ear.

“I’ll pay you double.”

You stopped in your tracks and turned around to look at him. He looked desperate.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. You could really use the money...

“Fine.” He visibly relaxed at your words.

“Thank you. Now can we go? I’d rather just get this over with.”

You followed Connor out to the senior parking lot and climbed into his car, tossing your bag into the backseat and sighing heavily as you buckled up. He ignored you, of course.

As Connor pulled out onto the road you let your head fall against the window and thought about how you even got into this position in the first place.

You and Connor were never really friends. You’d known him since middle school, but never really talked to him. He was always a little cold towards you. Maybe it was because you were friends with Jared, who was, admittedly, an asshole to Connor. Or maybe that was just Connor’s attitude towards everyone.

The two of you sat beside each other in science, and would occasionally have to work on assignments together. Usually he would do his half quietly, and you would do yours, and when your were both done you’d copy the answers from each other. An easy system. One day, a few months ago, you were filling out a worksheet while Connor sat back, arms crossed, doing absolutely nothing.

“Okay, what the hell is your problem?” you’d asked him eventually, putting your pencil down.

“Why do you care?” he snapped.

“Because you’re my lab partner and you’re not doing jack shit. This is due at the end of class and I can’t afford to fail this assignment.”

“Of course.” he’d scoffed, “You’re only worried about yourself.”

You’d clenched your jaw in frustration. Whatever he was going through really wasn’t your problem, and you didn’t really give a shit. But if you could help him with whatever it was, maybe he’d get off his ass and do his part of the assignment.

“Just…” you took a deep breath, composing yourself. “Maybe I can help.”

He laughed humorlessly at that.

“You can’t. Unless you can get my parents off my ass about not being a “normal kid”. They’re constantly nagging me, asking why I’m not hanging out with friends, why I don’t join a club or try sports, why I don’t have a girlfriend. Fuck, at this point I’d pay someone just to pretend.”

“How much?” you joked.

“Sixty bucks per date.” he deadpanned.

“Are you kidding or…?”

He shrugged, picking at his nail polish. His face was tinted pink. Holy shit, he was being serious.

“I’ll do it.”

“What?” he asked, looking over at you incredulously.

“I’ll do it. I’ll be your fake girlfriend or whatever.”

“Oh.” he cleared his throat. “Uh, thanks?”

“Don’t thank me. You’re paying me for it; it’s not like I’m doing you a favor or something.”

“Right, yeah, uh…” he ran a hand anxiously through his hair.

“Just, uh, gimme your phone real quick.”

He obliged and you added your number to his (depressingly short) contact list.

“Text me or something and we can work out the details, yeah?”

“Yeah.” he nodded, not looking at you.

He started on his half of the assignment. You worked in mutual, awkward silence.

The page was finished in time and once the bell rang he left the room without a word.

Later that night you got a text, briefing you with a made up backstory and a time and date to have dinner with his family. And thus began your “relationship”.

Connor pulled up to the Murphy household to find his usual parking spot occupied by a gold Lincoln Town Car. He sighed and opted to park in the street.

“She’s already here.”

You could practically smell the anxiety on him and, honestly, you felt a little bad for him.

You got out of the car and followed the stone walkway up to the front porch.

Connor grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers through his right before opening the front door.

The sound of chatter died down a bit as you walked in. Connor took a deep breath before leading you into the dining room. Larry and Cynthia sat at the table, along with Connor’s grandmother, an older woman with round cheeks and big curly hair.

“Hi Nana.” Connor raises his hand to her and she scoffs, standing up and holding her arms out in front of her.

“Connor Lawrence Murphy, get over here and give your Nana a hug!”

You snort at the mention of his middle name and he shoots you a glare before releasing your hand and walking over to his grandmother.

She squeezed him tight, her head only reaching his chest while the top of her hair brushed under his chin.

“You’ve gotten so tall, motek! And your hair hair is so long!”

Connor flushed pink as his grandmother reached up to stroke his hair.

“Going to have to take him for a cut soon.” Larry commented, and you could tell Connor was biting his tongue.

“I think it’s very handsome, Larry. He looks so much like your father now.” She cupped Connor’s cheek and smiled sadly. It sent a pang through your chest to see the way he looked away, the sadness that flickered in his eyes at the mention of his grandfather. He’d never talked about him to you before.

But then again, why would he? You weren’t really his girlfriend. Hell, you weren’t even his friend. You were just someone he paid to keep his parents off his back. If it weren’t for your little deal he’d want nothing to do with you.

For the first time since you started this whole thing, you felt a little bad.

“You must be Y/n!” his grandmother said suddenly, pulling away and hurrying around the table. She pressed a big kiss against your cheek and you were a bit taken aback.

“I’ve heard so much about you!” she mused, pushing your hair away from your face and smiling at you. Your cheeks burned at the attention.

“You’ve done so well, Connor! She’s beautiful!”

“Yeah, uh, she is.” he mumbled, taking a seat at the table and looking anywhere that wasn’t at you.

The front door opened again as Zoe came inside, guitar in tow. Connor’s grandmother, much to your relief, released you in favor of showering Zoe in kisses and compliments.

You took your usual seat beside Connor and sat quietly, listening to Connor’s family get caught up. Connor, you noticed, stayed silent as well, looking incredibly uncomfortable. You reached over and grabbed his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Only because you were acting, though. Just in case Larry or Connor’s grandmother looked over, or if Cynthia came out of the kitchen where she was cooking something that, surprisingly, smelled like real food. It was all just for show, really, it was.

“So Connor,” his grandmother said, swallowing her mouthful of pasta, “how long have you been dating Y/n?” she gestured towards you with her fork.

“About three months.” he told her. He’d decided your “anniversary” should be three weeks before the night you first met the Murphy’s. Long enough that it would make sense for you to meet them, but not too long that it would be weird that he’d never talked about you to them.

“And how did you two meet?”

“Well, we’ve gone to school together since 6th grade, but we really started talking when we got paired together on a project several months ago. It all kind of took off from there.” he told her the well rehearsed story. He was lying through his teeth to his grandmother quite convincingly. It made you wonder what else he was keeping from his family.

Not that it was any of your business.

“Does he treat you well, chamudi?” she asked you. You made a mental note to google what that meant when you got home.

“Oh yes, of course he does! He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, really.” You leaned your head lovingly against his shoulder, trying to really sell the routine.

“You know, Connor,” she told him, taking a sip of water. “Your grandfather and I were married at eighteen, right after high school.” she raised her eyebrows at him.

Zoe snorted at the comment. Connor looked down at his plate.

“That’s because he was joining the military, Mom.” Larry told her, “And I don’t think they’re that serious right now.” for once you were thankful that Larry opened his mouth.

She only hummed at him and took another sip of water. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air a solid ten seconds before Cynthia cut in.

“Well, speaking of marriage, Are you coming back in town for the wedding next month?”

“Of course I am. I wouldn’t miss my granddaughter’s wedding for the world. It might be the only chance I get to see one of my grandchildren marry before I die.” Connor and Zoe both rolled their eyes.

“Will you be coming, dear?” His grandmother asked. All eyes were on you. You swallowed hard.

“Well, I- uh, I actually hadn’t heard anything about this. I guess Connor just forgot to tell me.” you offered a forced smile.

“I guess I did.” You could see Connor’s jaw muscles were tensed.

“Well, this is your invitation now.” His grandmother smiled.

Connor was staring at you, willing you with his eyes to decline.

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude on family matters--”

“Nonsense!” Cynthia said, reaching across the table and laying her hand over yours, smiling sweetly. “You are family, sweetie. And I’m sure all the cousins would love to meet you.”

You looked between Cynthia and Connor, and then Connor and his grandmother. Seeing no other option you smiled and nodded your head.

“That, um- That sounds wonderful. I’d love to go.”

Everyone smiled at you- everyone except Connor- and dinner continued from there without a hitch.

Connor was silent as he drove you home.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” you told him. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel but said nothing. “I didn’t know what else to say. Everyone was looking at me and I just…”

You sighed, feeling kind of guilty.

“You don’t have to pay me for it.” still nothing.

“I don’t know why you’re acting like this, Connor. The whole thing was your idea in the first place.”

“I didn’t have any other option.” he snapped. “It was either pay you to be my fake girlfriend or get shit from my parents forever. If I had any choice I wouldn’t be spending my time with you.”

You knew that was true when you agreed to this. That didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Connor pulled up to your house, hitting the breaks a little too hard. You grabbed your bag and he thrust a wad of bills into your hand wordlessly. Your eyes stung as you slammed the car door as hard as you could behind you, causing a dog somewhere in your neighborhood to start barking his head off. Connor sped off before you were even off the sidewalk.

[pinkpaganofficial-blog]

Content and trigger warnings for:

- eating disorder[s] (eds), i.e anorexia, bulimia

- me talking about my suicidal thoughts and venting (I'm ok i just need to like... "word vomit" i guess)

- abandonment by friends

- feeling repression

~~~\\

So i doubt most people on here who follow me know that I suffer from mental illness but I do and have for a very long time. All of the symptoms and effects really came out after my grandfather/best friend passed away when I was 11, 12 years ago. I fell into a hole of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating. From the time I was 11 until I was around 14 I had a very hard time with food. I was suffering from bulimia and I would do the routine binges and purges I had set for myself through the day. I'm surprised my teeth survived all of the stomich acid assaults on them honestly.

I was lonely. I felt so fucking alone in the world. I didn't have many friends. The friends I had were pretty fairweather at the time, as we were kids. They'd hop to the coolest person in their opinions on sight and leave me in the dust, and then come back when they were done, or something happened, whatever. It wasn't stable, and I was always afraid of just being deserted again. My friend who stuck with me, my grandfather, was gone. My grandmother was so in shambles that she doesnt even remember the year after he died at all. My mother is chronically ill, and even though she is and will always be there for me as long as is possible I just couldn't tell her how bad I was feeling. Maybe it was guilt because she has problems that I felt far outweighed mine (haha oh god there's the tears that actually stings).

And my dad is... well.. a dad. Sometimes dads just don't understand things like mental illness, or being an unwell person. My dad loves me. I know that, and I love him a lot too. But he can't understand how these things affect me as he's basically neurotypical in every way. He tries. But I can't find empathy there, and a lot of the time there's misunderstanding when we talk about mental illness. So I didn't tell him anything then either.

I would stay in my room a lot, or be out in the woods a lot. I would scratch up my arms with my nails until they would bleed and I would cry. I felt like I didn't care if I died at that time. My parents raised me religiously in the church and I tried very hard to have a relationship with their concept of a god. But I couldn't because to me in was just emptiness. For me, in that sense, there is nothing there. So my loneliness was running even deeper than just the physical. It was spiritual as well. And idk if anyone reading this has experienced spiritual emptiness, or even is a spiritual person, but please believe me when I say it's Hell.

When I was 14 I rode my bicycle out to a bridge near my home out in the back woods type country. The old train bridge kind with the big cement blocks at the bottom of the pillars holding them up. I remember sitting on the very edge of it just looking down at the cement. I really wanted to jump. Honestly the only reason I didn't was because of my mom. She's the reason I stepped back, got on my bicycle and rode home. Albeit I was crying the whole way home, stayed out in the garden to finish crying, washed my face in the creek and went inside and straight upstairs to my bed and I slept until the next day.

When I was around the end of being 14 I tried repression. I started trying eating normally (which has wrecked me internally, I have major digestive problems as I've always refused to go to a rehab centre, which in itself is not good for me). I started pretending to have a relationship with "God". I tried the whole "cool hip Christian kid" spin from when I was that age until 17 or so. I pushed back my depression, my fears and anxieties and eds to see if I could be happy. And I pretended to be happy for a while. And I fooled a lot of people.

Things weren't by any means okay though. My school work was suffering as it always had, but since the work was harder it was also suffering harder. I picked up smoking cigarettes. I also picked up alcohol more and more. I dated a 21 year old and lost my virginity to him at 16, after much coaxing from him. That was an extremely bad 8 months.

My saving grace and my recharge at the time was a Bible camp I'd attend in the summers. I went for 12 years. Now that I think about it.. that camp was my only constant thing for a very long time. It was always there. And even when it wasn't camp time, the place was so close I could just go talk to the live in managers when I had questions. While my relationship with a god I don't believe in was strained and a facade, the people I met are amazing and have helped me a lot.

In fact, at that camp I spilled a lot of my struggles to my group of close friends. We were just a few girls, only 17 or so. But they had all been through things just as bad as me. Some so close it scared me. I felt accepted by those girls who are now beautiful strong women. So I opened the flood gates of what I had been through. All of my dark times and feelings, thoughts of dying and plans to do it, the bulimia and how it hurt my body, my 21 year old ex and what had happened to me, my struggles in school, my guilt towards my mother as her pregnancy with me put her in her wheelchair, my panic attacks and the anxiety that I'd felt for so long, my loneliness and my desperate want to not be alive. Basically just like, ALL of it. I don't really think that was a gate I could've closed even if I tried at that point. It was just a lot.

It took a while to talk about everything, and by the time I'd covered everything even more young folks like us had come over to sit. I was sobbing. My friends weren't very far behind either. Someone was rubbing my back and another person brought me tissues. I finished and everyone was kinda quiet and sad. One of my friends said "Hey can we all just kinda sit together and pray?" and I said that I thought that was a good idea. So we sat. And we just prayed. Even if they were words floating up to an empty space where I see no god, the solidarity that I felt with my friends and those around showing that they cared about me was overwhelming. I wasn't alone. I had friends. REAL friends who weren't looking for the next best thing. And I didn't feel as empty anymore. Knowing that I had people who genuinely cared for me and everything I'd been through and everything I was made me feel so much more worthy of living, it showed me I wasn't nothing.

A lot has happened since those dark times. I've had other dark times. Anorexia claimed me at 18 as a sufferer, and I still struggle with it to this day. I had a physically and emotionally abusive sociopathic partner in the Autumn of my 21st year. I had a whole 2 year ordeal with someone that I'm not even going to talk about, as this person and I have BOTH put it behind us and forgiven each other and are now friends. I alsp dropped out of high school in grade 11.

But I've had a LOT of light times. I started actively loving my body at 21, which was the first new constant in my life. I took action and got a breast reduction from G to C cup for my health at 18. I left the church and started understanding science better. The spiritualist in me called for more, so I delved into research on Paganism and Wicca. What I found was what I needed. It was the second new constant I needed. So now instead of 1, I had 2.

I live with my fiance now. He's someone who I was schoolmates with in highschool. After a few years of not keeping in touch, we hung out. We got close again. And after a few years we started dating. We've had bumpy patches. 1 break up due to his mental illness (again, it rears its ugly head). But that was short lived. And we are actively improving ourselves while being there for one another. Last March I asked him to marry me to which he said "Well, I was gonna ask you when we got our own place, so obviously yes." (I've dated a lot of people, so I am so happy that it was him I'm going to be with, no offense to any of the guys, girls and other folks I've been with and am friends with). He's my third constant.

I have so much more now than I ever dreamed I could in those dark times, friends.

Moral of the story is:

Friends come and go. But you'll find someone, or multiple people who will care about you enough to stick with you as much as you wanna stick with them.

Don't give up on yourself. You're gonna have a lot of bad times. Life happens and we can't do shit about it. But life also has a lot of really good times worth looking forward to and holding close to heart. You can love yourself no matter who you are or what you look like because you're more than a name or a number on a scale. You're a complex person with real feelings who is worthy of self love. And love from others too.

Pain sucks. Life can suck a whole fucking lot. So much you want it to end. But through all the struggle, the hurt and the mental illness, you still very much deserve a good life. If not more, because you're actively trying to enjoy being alive in a very hard time.

So yeah. Thanks for reading this. I just needed to talk. I felt like I was going to explode and my Instagram isn't really the place to put this.

Take care of yourselfs. Cherish yourself and your time here. Make the best of your situations as much as you can. Hold your loved ones close in mind and heart. And don't be afraid to talk.

[4-grands]

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EntertainmentCelebrity

Harry claims critics ‘won’t stop until Meghan dies’ and likens himself to Diana as she ‘was with a non-white person’

Prince Harry is adamant that the critics will lead Meghan Markle to her death just as they did with his mother Diana.

Joe Duggan, The Sun

3 min read

May 22, 2021 - 11:05AM

THE ADVERTISER2:59

Harry feared he would ‘lose Meghan’ and that she would end up like Diana

In a new docu-series, Prince Harry has opened up again to Oprah about his mental health and his concerns that history would repeat itself by losing Meghan like his mother.

Prince Harry has claimed critics “won’t stop until Meghan dies” and likened himself to his mum Diana as she was “in a relationship with someone who wasn’t white”.

In another royal bombshell, the Duke of Sussex, 36, revealed his fears for his wife in an astonishingly frank interview with new documentary The Me You Can’t See.

Harry has claimed critics won't stop until Meghan Markle dies. Picture: Apple TV+

RELATED: Harry reveals Meghan’s suicidal thoughts

The Duchess of Sussex, 39, has claimed the Royal Family failed to help her when she had suicidal thoughts.

Harry told Oprah Winfrey he was worried “history was repeating itself”, drawing parallels with his mother, Princess Diana, who died in a car crash when Harry was 12.

Harry said: “My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship with someone who wasn’t white.

Harry said he was worried about ‘history repeating itself’. Picture: Apple TV+

RELATED: Two words that will break Harry’s heart

“And now look what’s happened. You want to talk about history repeating itself?

“They’re not going to stop until she dies. It’s incredibly triggering to potentially lose another woman in my life.”

In the couple’s CBS interview with Oprah Winfrey in March, Meghan broke down in tears when revealing she told Prince Harry she “didn’t want to be alive anymore.

Harry’s explosive new revelations come after he and Prince William savaged the BBC over “lurid and false claims” Martin Bashir used to get the 1995 Princess Diana interview.

The Duke of Cambridge said the lies about the Royal Family “played on her fears and fuelled paranoia” - while brother Harry said the probe was the “first step towards justice” for their mum.

Harry has opened up about his mental health in a new documentary for Apple TV. Picture: Apple TV+

RELATED: Prince Harry blasts the royals

In the new five-part celebrity-packed doc, which premieres on Apple TV today, Harry also blasts his dad, Prince Charles, - saying he did little to help him through his struggles.

During the first three episodes, Harry claims the royals showed “total neglect” for his mental health and that Charles made him “suffer”.

He says: “My father used to say to me when I was younger, he used to say to both William and I, ‘Well, it was like that for me so it’s going to be like that for you.’

“That doesn’t make sense. Just because you suffered, that doesn’t mean your kids have to suffer. Actually quite the opposite.

Diana died in a car crash in Paris when Harry was 12. Picture: Getty Images

RELATED: Harry slams royals for ‘total neglect’

“If you suffered, do everything you can to make sure that whatever negative experiences you had, you can make it right for your kids.”

Harry reveals he’s been in therapy for “four or five years” - and said he left Britain and the Royal Family to “break the cycle” of grief.

And he says one of his first memories of Diana was her “unable to drive because of the tears” as she was followed by photographers.

Harry said: “There was no protection. One of the feelings that comes up with me always is the helplessness.

“That happened every single day until the day she died.”

And he addressed traumatic memories from his childhood including the moment he was photographed with his brother, father, uncle and grandfather walking behind Diana’s coffin at her funeral.

Harry said: “For me the thing I remember the most was the sound of the horses’ hooves going along the Mall.

“It was like I was outside of my body and just walking along doing what was expected of me.”

Harry also admitted turning to drink and drugs binges to “mask something” as he battled his demons.

The Prince says he was never given space or time to mourn his mum death, and that led him to try drinking and drugs to numb his pain.

He would down a week’s worth of booze in one night.

Harry and William have savaged the BBC over the Martin Bashir scandal. Picture: Supplied

RELATED: Key Diana detail Harry is ignoring

Harry said: “I was willing to drink, I was willing to take drugs, I was willing to try and do the things that made me feel less like I was feeling”, the Duke admits.

“But I slowly became aware that, okay, I wasn’t drinking Monday to Friday, but I would probably drink a week’s worth in one day on a Friday or a Saturday night.

“And I would find myself drinking, not because I was enjoying it but because I was trying to mask something.”

This article originally appeared on The Sun and was reproduced with permission

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[achoirofcritters]

I would like to speak here about my Evie. In 2014, my great-grandmother, who had raised me my entire life, had a fall in the home. I transitioned into 24/7 caretaker, despite being in college at the time, and we had home-health nurses visiting every couple of days. Eventually, a case of pneumonia landed her in a prolonged hospital stay, where it eventually took its toll on her and she passed. My great-grandfather had died in a similar fashion a few years beforehand. So both of the people who had raised me were now gone. In that year, I lost the woman who had been like a mother to me, and the childhood home where I'd grown up, the only place I'd ever lived. College funds transitioned into get-a-home funds, and school got put on hold for a full-time job. I bought a house and became a home owner at 23. But grief led to some heavy depression, that I still battle off and on to this day, three years later. In November of 2014, I decided to take a trip to the Lexington Humane Society; I had a dream about puppies, I just wanted to play with dogs. See, I'd had a poorly bred miniature Australian Shepherd named Arcane who had been raised by the influences of my family; he was aggressive, had bitten me and drawn blood a couple times, and he was getting grumpier in his old age. I had wanted a dog that I trained, that had my sole influence, something I could do now that I was on my own. But I told myself... not until after Christmas. Then November, I stepped into that shelter. I saw a ball of skinny brindle bones in the corner of a kennel. Delicate, soft, sad eyes. A quiet little beastie; she never barked, never made a sound. Her kennel mate was growling and barking up a storm at us, a fussy creature named Eve, but the tiny little bully girl in the corner, named Bella at the time, never made a sound. Something about her stuck out at me, and I couldn't get her off of my mind. I had a meet-and-greet with "Bella" where her true personality shone, the timid, nervous waves melting off of her to reveal wagging tails, gentle puppy nibbles, and many kisses. A few days after meeting "Bella", I was adopting her. To me, she became Evelyn, or Evie, after the character from The Mummy. I was told a few things that her owner said when she was surrendered at 9 months old: "a lot of energy, she loves socks". "Pit bull" type dogs have three restrictions upon them at this shelter, no doubt due to the stigma of the breed, but I do agree that they're not for everyone. Evie is no more American Pit Bull Terrier than a dachshund is a corgi. But she's a blocky-headed bull breed of some sort, which is enough to condemn. We don't know her history, so all we can do is guess. In 2014, Evie was the best thing that could have happened to me. A saviour I hadn't realized I needed; the balm on wounds of grief; the best anti-depressant a girl could have. She had her issues; all dogs do. Things that made me think... I'd jumped the gun, I'd made this decision too rashly, I got a dog too soon. I wasn't ready for re-potty training a 10 month old dog, I wasn't ready to worry about resource guarding and crate-training, things I should have been prepared for. Live and learn. She was never anything other than extremely pleasant to any new person she met, however. And the issues grew thinner and thinner as we grew together, learned each other, and formed a life and a bond together. She adjusted to life with cats flawlessly; our giant maine coon mix runs this house and she knows it. This year, with the influx of foster kittens, she was never anything more than motherly and careful. No animal in this house is around small children or baby animals unsupervised. But Evie has never given us a reason to not trust her. She is the most tolerant creature of baby animals that I have ever met in my entire life. We learned quickly how amazingly receptive to training she was. I have a dog that knows countless tricks. I learned how different a dog could be trained with positive reinforcement, and how fulfilling the sessions could be for both of us. Evie was the first dog I ever trained to loose-leash walk successfully, the first dog to ever grasp things like "Bang!" and "Sit Pretty", she has a play-drive and an incredible desire to please. She is not everyone's perfect dog, but she is my perfect dog. I know it wasn't me. Mostly it was her. I'm still learning, Evie was my first dog "on my own", and she made it easy. We have our issues; a few negative experiences with other dogs and she's not partial to meeting new friends on the leash anymore. But we manage that. She's not reactive, and never barks at strangers or new dogs. She simply likes to introduce herself in a manner where she doesn't feel trapped and cornered. She has never shown any signs of animal aggression outside of feeling defensive around some new dogs. Puppies and small dogs are always welcome friends to her! She lives with 6 cats, and they've chased her more than she's ever chased them. Unless you are a car door slamming at 5AM, a school bus, or thunder, you have nothing to fear from Evie. One of my favorite memories of her interacting with strangers was at the UK Arboretum. This was within a year of adopting her, we take her on adventures often for photo sessions and just to get her exercise in, because she'd be a couch potato if we let her. A family was passing by with their toddler-aged daughter. The child immediately latched onto Evie and squealed and was instantly smitten with her. Evie greets every human being in the same manner: she rolls over, exposes her belly for some good belly rubs, and then will crawl closer. She stays low as if to say "I'm not scary!" She got acquainted with this toddler and the family was so enamored by how gentle and well-behaved she was. For a while, this little girl was just standing with both of her hands braced on Evie's bum, holding herself up, while Evie just stood there, thrilled as could be to be the girl's center of attention, and when they finally went their own way, breaking the two up was quite a task! People avoid her sometimes. That's fine. But there's never been anyone she hasn't wanted to meet. But my favorite time spent with her is nights snuggling on the couch. She lays next to me, tucked into a blanket, and dozes while we binge the newest Netflix series. The moments of quiet peace, where the world is still, and I just feel content. She'd run for days if I was running with her, but as long as I'm down for the count? She's happy to rest as well. We brought Astaroth home from an Australian Shepherd breeder last year to be her constant playmate. He adores her and trusts her judgment, enjoys stealing toys from her, and even smacks her with said toys to antagonize her to chase him. Many a times she has fallen asleep to him chewing on her ears until they are drenched with drool, ever since puppyhood. He was the perfect balance of chaos and mischief to our family. The two have never had a scuffle. Ever. This dog who is so perspective to others' anxiety, and has helped my friends through multiple panic attacks by being with them through them, who put smiles on my face and joy in my heart during a time where I had lost so much and felt so lost. She made me love dogs again; I learned to remember how astonishing the partnership could be. She's a powerful dog without knowing it, and no, not everyone should expect to manage such a muscle beast; she's bruised me in play accidentally because she doesn't know her own strength, but if I was too afraid to get a scratch or bruise here and there, I wouldn't keep pets at all. Dogs are domesticated carnivores and we should regard them as such, with respect, so no, I'm not going to tell you she's a pure, gentle angel made of cotton-candy and clouds. She's muscle, rambunctious energy and power, and she's got a mouthful of teeth that sometimes miss the toy and get your fingers. But that would be true of any dog. This dog came into my life at a time where I desperately needed her, and she's started a journey with me that means the world to me and is close to my heart. People can hate her due to her aesthetics if they like, because of her blocky head and short, brindle coat; I don't fucking like shih-tzus and the like. But you make this personal and all bets are off; I don't care how anyone else feels about my dog, whether they think she's ugly or what, but I trust and believe in her a hell of a lot more than I do some insignificant stranger on the internet. Evie's been in my life almost three years now; her third anniversary is approaching and will be shortly followed by her fourth birthday. I haven't changed my mind about her yet, I highly doubt I'm going to. And sometimes I wonder if I'd still be here if it weren't for her. She is the soldier combating my inner demons daily, just by being present, grounding me and giving me something to be responsible for. She gets me out of the house on days I feel like withering away in bed. She lays with me when I'm feeling melancholy. She makes me smile when her and her brother have silly shenanigans in the living room. And she makes my heart swell with the look of those starlit eyes of hers. My dog is better than anonymous hateful, nasty people will ever be. And I owe my life and my passion and my drive to her. Her love is more important to me than your approval.

P.S. - the Aussie would hate you. See, he takes guidance from his big sister of what sort of people he should trust. He's been smitten with her since he was 8 weeks old. Astaroth is a lot less trusting of strangers than pure, kind-hearted Evie. So if you're gonna hate one of my dogs, go ahead and save some time and hate them both.

Something I wrote and published today on my photography FB page about Evie, in light of strangers on the internet harassing me and attacking her and Astaroth.

[accidental-psalms-blog]

Ellie

"You have to be ready, Ellie," my grandfather said. "The world is cruel, and you will lose everything and everyone you've known and loved."

"What does that mean, lolo?" my seven-year-old self inquired. I wasn't really listening. I just indulged him because he bought me ice cream; I was too busy licking the excess off of the cone to take on this conversation. The next moment, my grandfather reached for the cold, cheese-flavored confectionery and took it away from my sticky hands.

"Lolo!" I protested.

"I said: you will lose everything. Are you listening?" he said in a stern voice.

"I'm listening!" I said. "Please give me my ice cream back..."

He did, and then told me to "Go, play."

My grandfather was a harsh man, but he carried a softness that would make people talk about him kindly despite his strictness. I'd known for a while that his family — most especially his grandchildren — were his weakness.

I did not understand it fully then, but his blue eyes contained a sadness that is similar to the arrival of dusk: a certain gloom tinged by the slightest optimism, brought on by the change of rule when the sun abdicates its stellar throne and moonlight claims sovereignty over the sky.

***

I finished my elementary education while living with my grandparents on my father's side of the family. I liked them both equally, but I was closer to my grandfather than anyone (I spent some time with grandma, too, but she spent most of her afternoons gambling with the neighbors).

He loved arts and crafts; be it sculpture, painting, music, or literature, but my grandfather loved the art of mapmaking most of all. He would often commission local artists to make maps of different places for him. My favorite was the one of Panay, with Boracay Island placed like an awkward piece of beef jerky from across this gigantic blanket of prime meat. I think it was drawn by Kurt, the artist next-door who wanted nothing more than two bottles of beer and a stimulating conversation for such a beautifully-colored map.

My grandfather and I spent a lot of time together during my elementary days, and I loved mornings with him the most. Every sunrise, he would take me to Mang Eric's store to get some Yakult, or Chocolait if it's a Wednesday. That is, if I could wake up as early as 6 AM. If I woke up any later, then no Yakult for me.

Of course, I know that it's his own way of getting me to wake up early in the morning and exercise, but if I'm getting a Yakult (or a Chocolait!) out of it, then I don't see a reason to wake up late.

***

I remember waking up at 5:30 one Wednesday morning to the sound of rain, feeling particularly excited about the chocolate drink I would have later. I washed my face, drank some water, and ran to my grandfather's bedroom which, curiously, still had its door closed. I knocked.

"Lolo? Lolo! Lolo, wake up," I yelled. I remember thinking that it was unusual for me to wake up before he did; I know for a fact that he can wake up as early as 3 AM.

My seven-year-old self did not understand the sinking feeling I had then, one that brought frustration, the way one feels when trying to catch a butterfly in vain. I knocked again three times, louder this time. My grandma would probably get angry with me. But I didn't care. It's Wednesday. Everything is better on Wednesdays.

"Lolo!" I shouted. Outside, the rain went on, and I felt as if the raindrops mocked what little voice I had.

The doorknob turned, and the door slowly opened. It was my grandma who said "Sorry, Ellie. Lolo cannot go out today. He is very sick."

"Can I see him?"

"Later, darling," she said.

***

My grandfather did not die that day. In fact, he lived for many years later — much longer than the days I could spend with him. When I needed to be in high school, I had to go to away and live with my parents in the city. I met new people, new friends, and life became much more than just Yakult, and Chocolait, and Sunday ice cream. There were boys to crush on, books and TV series to speculate on and overanalyze, and Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and all those things I never even imagined would take over my teenage life.

The news of my grandfather's rather unceremonious passing came to us in the middle of my third year in high school, while I was burning brain cells for a barrage of exams that I'll encounter in the following weeks. He died of tuberculosis.

"Your father and I are attending the funeral, sweetie. Will you come?" my mother asked.

"No," I replied. "I need to read— there's just a lot of stuff going on at school right now, mom. Please tell grandma that I love her."

"Alright. Take care of things here, and don't push yourself too hard." she said.

Later that afternoon, I found myself binging on Game of Thrones episodes and fangirling about how Jon Snow should really just end up ruling all of Westeros because he is the one guy that cares and he deserves it.

I will not pretend that I wanted to go to the funeral. I didn't. At the time, I was thinking, it's such a waste of time, the dead are. I knew my grandfather when he was alive, and he made my childhood more colorful. That much is true. He knows that I love him, and I am saddened by his passing, and I think that that is enough. If ever he is watching me, by some notion of the supernatural being true, then he will know that I meant no disrespect.

There's just a lot of things that are more important and more enjoyable than attending someone's funeral right now. I went on with my week, thinking nothing more of it.

***

When my parents came back from the funeral, they brought unripe mangoes and freshly-picked corn. While we were feasting on the produce after lunch, mother told me that grandma found an unsent letter among my grandfather's belongings. The date on the envelope said that he apparently finished the letter three days before his passing.

"Oh? Who's it for?" I asked, intrigued.

"Here," my mother reached into her handbag and produced a sealed white envelope with a map of Panay printed on it. I read the writing on the front: "09/21/2011. For Ellie."

I walked off to my room without a word.

***

xx

Dear Ellie,

I have been thinking about you more and more often these past few days. I know you are faring way better than I can ever, and that alone gives me consolation. The thought of you being energetic, excelling at school, and pursuing some manner of art gives me joy. What remaining energy I have after the days are done, I spend praying that you be kept safe.

You had always been a pearl in my and your grandmother's eyes. When your parents asked us to take care of you in your elementary days — perhaps in a most elaborate attempt to teach you to never forget your roots — we were, at first, reluctant. We are old, and we don't know if we could still handle such a task.

But you made it easier for us, dear one, by being the sweetest girl to grace this boring town. I thought that if I was made solely for the ultimate purpose of taking care of you, then I would accept that I have lived a very full life, indeed.

And yet, see, I am wasting away now, dear child. Whatever life I had is leaving me.

Do you remember when I said that you will lose everything and everyone you have known and loved? When you went away to continue your studies in the city, that was when I felt this truth hurt me the most. I've accepted that you will forget us. Perhaps not completely, but we will be nothing but a very faint memory, one that will be filed behind a multitude of sensations, and whatever tickles the fancy and vigor of youth these days.

I yammer and this must be tiring you; I must get to the point. The purpose of this letter is to ask: Will you come see and us again, soon? Even for one last time. Your grandmother and I will be grateful to have you grace this household once more. I already asked her to prepare your favorite sinigang when you come, as well as to stock the fridge full of Yakult and Chuckie (it's what they call Chocolait these days — I personally hate that cartoon cow, but the drink tastes great all the same).

I hope you will, dear. I actually have more than a feeling that you will grant this request, because I wrote this on a Wednesday, and we both know that everything is better on Wednesdays. Better enough that I even wrote a poem, see:

*

You will not need a map

The drawings and maps are all gone, Ellie, taken away by a dozen storms, but you must not worry; you will not need them to find me.

I will be the memory of a little valley, a little store on the off-road, the melting ice cream on Sunday afternoons.

The colors fade from my skin, like a blackbird losing feathers to reveal what pale skin lies underneath; weak, frail.

But I believe that even if all of the maps are gone, dear Ellie, you will not need them to find me.

*

That's it, dear one. I'm afraid I've written what this poor mind could handle to write for a day. Should you decide to come visit, let us know soon.

Sincerely, Your Grandfather

xx

***

I cried that whole afternoon.

I suppose there's no truer adage than "You'll never know what you have been missing until it's gone," but after all was said and done I felt a sense of contentment and purpose, thankful for my parents and my grandparents for making my childhood just that much better.

I had never thanked my grandfather properly, and I have to admit that I was insensitive about his funeral. But I'm a woman of means now, and the idea of giving back was instilled my heart from the day I read that letter. Now, at twenty-eight, I spend my spare time doing volunteer work for a local organization that helps children deal with domestic abuse.

Everyone can be a gift to the world. An act of random kindness, a smile, a melody, a little poem, or the mere act of sharing bowls of sinigang with the next door neighbors, can make a difference. There is no escaping from loss; loss will always be there.

All that matters is how we deal with loss moving forward. And, as my grandfather taught me, I need no map.

[its-naruto-universe]

My favorite anime movies

This is a list I always wanted to share, so if you haven’t watched those please go and don’t lose time time reading this. You will come and thank me later lol

Hotarubi no mori e

"It is sad not to love, but it is much sadder not to be able to love."

Once in life you  find a form of media that is able to touch your heart in more ways, It’s abe to make you laugh, cry out loud, get angry, make you feel happy: This was anime for me. And hotarubi no mori just remembered me why anime has such an important part in my life. Hotarubi is the kind of gem that no matter how time passes you just can’t forget it. In just 40 minutes it leaves such a bing impact in your life. This is literlly one of the biggest masterpiece anime has made so far, so please go and watch this gem

Synopsis

Intrigued by the tale of a mountain god, six-year-old Hotaru Takegawa loses her way in the ancient forest while visiting her uncle. Exhausted and desperate for help, Hotaru is thrilled to find a masked forest spirit named Gin. She learns the hard way that she should not touch the boy, or he would disappear. In spite of this, Gin leads Hotaru out of the forest and warns her never to return when she promises to come again with a gift.

Paying no heed to his cautionary words, and despite being separated by both distance and planes of existence, Hotaru and Gin become close friends as she visits him every summer. However, their relationship and resolve are put to the test, when romantic feelings conflict with the one and only rule.

Based on Yuki Midorikawa's manga of the same name,

Hotarubi no Mori e

is a tale of friendship and compromise of two people who should never have crossed paths, as their lives become hopelessly intertwined.

Whatch this anime if you’re looking for:

Stunning soundtrack

Amazing character devolpment

Love is pure and this anime will prove it to you

Simple yet touching story, Simple is best

Watch it you love youkai and you like MIdorikawa yukis works

Fluffy and cute gags

Start it and stay for the fees

Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo

I literally discovered this anime by mistake and it was the most beatiful mistake I’ve ever made. It make me laugh, it made me cry, it broke my heart. This is one of the most simple yet beatiful anime I’ve ever seen. It just plays with the cruelty of how impotent we are and how we should cherish any moment, since time is precious buddy.

Synopsis

Makoto Konno is in her last year of high school, but is having a hard time deciding what to do with her future. In between enduring the pressure of her teachers and killing time with her best friends, Makoto's life suddenly changes when she accidentally discovers that she is capable of literally leaping through time.

Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo

follows Makoto as she plays around with her newfound power. However, she soon learns the hard way that every choice has a consequence, and time is a lot more complicated than it may seem.

Whatch this anime if you’re looking for:

 Amazing leads

Great and imprevidible story

Beatiful soundtrack

Amazing charachters

Hilarious comedy

Fantastic character devolpment

Whatch it for one of the best and most memorable anime couple

Hal

Hal is one of those anime who people skip thinking that is the same superficial love drama. Or maybe they don’t even know it’s existence since it’s so underarted. And once they finish it they understand how wrong they were. This anime broke and yet healed me in so many ways.

Synopsis

Kurumi is a beautiful young woman whose beloved boyfriend,

Hal

, died in a sudden airplane accident. Left heartbroken and gloomy, she isolates herself in a small house. But this soon comes to change when her grandfather requests the help of a humanoid robot named Q01.

Taking on the appearance of Hal, Q01 is sent to Kurumi's house in order to save her from her state of despair. As Hal returns day after day and increases his efforts, Kurumi, despite her initial reluctance, slowly begins to open up to him and break free from her depression. But there is more to Hal than meets the eye, and these two will soon learn an unexpected truth about this relationship between a human and an android.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

Whatch this anime if you’re looking for:

The lovely io sakisaka art properly animated I disliked aoharuride animation

Some real dramma

The feels

Amazing characters

Lovely soundtrack

                   Kokoro ga Sakebitagatterunda.         

As a HUGE  fan of Anohana and toradora  there’s no need to say hoe thrilled I was when This anime movie was annunced. Having Masayoshi takana and okada mari working together once again gave me big expetations. No need to say it was worth waiting.

Okada’s character once again made me love them with all my heart. Jun is literally once of the most human characters I’ve seen in anime and I love it so much. I could relate so much to her “being to talktive problem”. Her problem is so real that actually hearts. Loved it.

Synopsis

Jun is a girl whose words have been sealed away. She was once a very happy girl, but because of a certain thing she said when she was very young, her family was torn apart. One day, the egg fairy appeared in front of her and sealed away her ability to talk in order to stop her from hurting anybody else. Since this traumatic experience, Jun lives in the shadows away from the limelight. But, one day, she is nominated to become an executive member of the "community outreach council." On top of that, Jun is also appointed to play the main lead in their musical...

(Source: Official website)

Whatch this anime if you’re looking for:

Great characters

Real life problems and issues

AMAZING ART. Masayoshi lives up to his name after all

Great soundtrack and inserted songs

Breathtaking animation by  A-1 Pictures my fave studio yass

Hotaru no Haka 

No need to say I’m not going to trust anymore any anime with fireflies on the title

This has to be the most heartbreaking and cruel anime I’ve ever seen and yet only a few seems to know it’s existence.  Probably one of the best masterpiece made by ghibli.

This anime movie is so pure in many ways and all the praise il could recieve would be never sufficient to show how beatiful it is. It’s the proof that a masterpiece survives time. Even after 29 years this movie is out it sill remains a gem among anime.

Whatch this anime if you’re looking for:

  A great psychological drama impact, very well developed

The best sibiling love

  Real catastrophes, the provoked damages, the victims and the ruined lives of the remained people

Human nature, or rather how the society works, are painted beautifully