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very-grownup · 4 years ago

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THE YEAR IS 2020 AND I WATCHED NEON GENESIS EVANGELION FOR THE FIRST TIME, PART 9

Episode 21.

Suddenly it's a found footage shakey cam horror movie. I think it's meant to be footage of ... NERV before it was NERV labs in 2000 with some bad shit happening. I'm unclear of so much in this episode, guys.

There is one of those blue screens with the white text that warns you that if you make copies of this you will go to jail for a million years, though, which feels nice and nostalgic before we get into the opening credits. (Opening? Still a bop. Thank you, '90s.)

Episode 21 continues behind the cut.

Someone has been kidnapped from NERV, possibly by or because of Kaji (fuckin' Kaji), and because all these NERV people are interchangeable except for Misato, Ritsuko, and Shinji's horrible father, I have no idea who it is until we see the old dude who is usually behind Ikari. He's tied to a chair in a black void, surrounded by an increasing number of numbered obelisks who I think are the old man Simon council but instead of projecting as old men they're ... obelisks. Look, their government is run by supercomputers named after the Magi. This is as fine as anything.

The obelisks don't like Commander Ikari (same) or what he's doing (same) and want Number 2 to explain what's going on (same) due to the Dead Sea Scrolls and their desire not to create god (... same?). Which means it's time for BACKSTORY or as close as this show gets to backstory.

Number 2 used to be a scientist/academic at ... a school ... lab ... university ... somewhere ... where he met a promising young student of ... science stuff ... named Ikari. There's some sentence vagaries to make the audience think the student is a young Commander Ikari but PSYCH, it's /Yui/, Shinji's mysteriously dead mother. This is not a big surprise, because no one would be anticipating meeting Gendo Ikari. What is a surprise is that Yui Ikari is currently single, although if you've consumed enough Japanese media you've probably encountered cases where a husband takes the wife's surname and is adopted into her family when there's no sons in the family (Summer of the Ubume). ANYWAY Yui is currently single and Number 2 talks to her about her post-graduation career plans, failing to consider that maybe she wants to get married and start a family. Find your own path and all that but also: this is a woman who is going to make terrible life choices.

I don't know why, but as a favour to Yui, Number 2 goes to spring an absolute piece of shit ... fellow student? from the drunk tank after he got arrested for brawling and it is, of course, Gendo Originalsurnamewhocareshesucks. We see him without his glasses for the first time. Even though this is ~15 years ago, Gendo without his glasses is the worst thing ever, rivaling yes the EVA with the giant white human teeth ripping an Angel apart and screaming. I hate looking at him, his cheeks sunken and his eyes huge, very like a skull. The real thesis material in Evangelion is: why has anyone ever slept with this awful gaunt uncharming skull man? He has the visage and personality of someone whose genetic line should die with him.

On a nature walk (because this is before seasons are destroyed by the second impact [and this is a really pretty scene, too, all fall leaves and oranges and red, more vibrant yet gentle than the series often is]) Yui reveals to Number 2 that she and Gendo are in a relationship. Why? Look, that's some Dead Sea Scrolls bullshit, learn ancient Hebrew and get into archeology, unearth some tablets, figure it out for yourselves.

The Second Impact happens and destroys Antarctica and Misato's father and she becomes mute for a while after this and also is kept in a featureless hospital cell for observation with a few age appropriate toys for company and for some reason this doesn't help her mental trauma. No wonder her roommate's a penguin.

The Misato flashback may seem like it comes out of nowhere and if so /hey welcome to my experience of this episode/ where I mostly had my hands on my forehead like I needed to reinforce my brain to process everything.

Number 2 and Shitty Gendo are in Antarctica after the Second Impact with the neon pink ocean and the none ice and oh Gendo and Yui got married. Surprise! Gendo and Yui or Gendo through Yui are involved in something called Seele which is the thing that becomes NERV I think. What's going on /shut up I don't know/ there's some kind of secret science government military organization and it involves the Ikari and then Number 2 and also Ritsuko's mother and underground caverns that may be cities and is this Atlantis? Ancient aliens? Akashic records? I DON'T KNOW Number 2 has concerns and Yui both seems to agree with Number 2's concerns but also is down with whatever Gendo's doing and they have Shinji and he seems like a pretty happy and cute baby and Yui seems to love him even though she brings him to work. And by work I mean the underground lab where they're dissecting or recreating flesh tube skeletons from Adam or building Adam or using Adam to build what will be the Evas, specifically on the day Yui is doing The Experiment. I don't think bringing little Shinji to work is a great idea or a sign of great parenting, especially when The Experiment goes awry and Yui is killed in front of Shinji's toddler eyes.

Ritsuko's mother, Dr. ... Doctor, doesn't approve of kids in the secret mad scientist bunker but MAN does she approve of Yui being killed. Because, somehow, she also wants to fuck Gendo Ikari, a skeleton of emotional abuse and neglect wearing sausage casing as skin.

There's also some stuff here about young Ritsuko (she's not a natural blonde! but honestly the fleeting glimpses of Ritsuko at different ages in this episode show greater awareness of how women can change without just relying on bigger breasts more hair than I'd expect). She and her mother exchange letters where they seem to be more honest with each other than they are in person and I wish there was more time spent dwelling in that, because Evangelion has an imperfect but still insightful view of the complexity of mother-daughter relationships. She goes away to school and meets Misato and they bond and become friends and they each seem to be the other's first friend due to their various issues and weirdness and Ritsuko's clearly at least a little in love with Misato. Unfortunately, Misato is dating Kaji (fuckin' Kaji) and Dr. Doctor thinks Kaji is a pretty great catch, but like ... Dr. Doctor wants to fuck or possibly is fucking Gendo Ikari, so if you can think of a great condemnation of Kaji than this, I'd love to hear it (fuckin' Kaji).

Misato and Ritsuko both join Seele or NERV or whatever the fuck these secret awful organizations are currently calling themselves, with Misato going to Germany and Ritsuko starting to work with her mother and also seeing her mother just jamming her tongue down Gendo's throat. Truly, Ritsuko could never understand her mother as a woman and neither can we, because /why would you desire Gendo Ikari/ and his judgmental touch, icy even through fucking Mickey Mouse gloves.

SO ONE DAY Gendo comes to work with a young Rei and I guess since Yui died no one has seen Shinji since people are looking at Rei and going 'oh is this your son?' and 'I thought you had a son, not a daughter'. But no, Rei is the daughter of a friend Gendo is looking after. Imagine thinking 'Gendo Ikari has even a single friend' is a believable lie.

Since Yui's death, no one has bothered to institute any kind of secret underground lab rules about kids on the premises, because while Dr. Doctor is doing some shit with her O. Henry super computers, little Rei wanders in and proceeds to neg the shit out of this grown woman. They're obviously not the words of a child and it's been clear since the beginning that there's something Not Right about Rei, but when she tells Dr. Doctor that she's a sexually undesirable hag and a nagging shrew and has outlived her purpose they're the words of a man. An adult man, specifically Gendo Ikari, as Rei just straight up tells Dr. Doctor upon being scolded for rudeness. Dr. Doctor's poor judgment of character means she is semi-shocked and hurt by this and sent into a weird fugue state where she chokes Rei until a small arm goes limp. Dr. Doctor thinks about how both she and Rei are both equally replaceable to Gendo, who is still hung up on Yui as much as he seems able to have an emotional attachment to anyone, and so finds all other women to be interchangeable tools.How replaceable Rei is could be a reference to whatever Rei's unnatural origins are, but we've also seen that Gendo considers children to be a renewable and easily disposable resource.

Then Dr. Doctor kills herself (or is murdered, who can say) and gets ... replaced by her daughter in the project.

SO I GUESS THIS IS ALL PART OF NUMBER 2'S TESTIMONY TO THE OBELISKS or maybe not but his thing is done or on break and fuckin' Kaji is there to ... break him out? Even though he's the reason Number 2 was getting interrogated? I don't know, I don't know.

They only use one set of handcuffs for Number 2, but they had three on Shinji in the previous episode.

Misato also had some thing with security intelligence interrogation going on in this episode maybe but they're done and give her back her gun.

Then Kaji's hanging out in a Silent Hill otherworld before a giant fan in weird sickly light and the screen goes black with a gunshot and I don't believe he's dead because I've been fooled about fuckin' Kaji before.

... but then Misato comes home, looking utterly exhausted and devastated, and she sees the message light blinking on her answering machine and she presses play as tears fill her eyes and she collapses to her knees listening to a message from Kaji. He apologizes for causing her trouble yet again, asks her to apologize to Ritsuko as well, asks her to get Shinji to show her where his garden is so she can water the flowers for him, and promises to tell her what he was too scared to tell her years ago. Misato's crying becomes heartwrenching raw sobs (Kotono Mitsuishi does a great job here, breaking my heart) and Shinji, curled up in his room, takes out his headphones and peeks into the kitchen to take in this vision of distraught, helpless adult grief. Then he goes back to his room without alerting Misato to his presence and pulls his pillow over his head, trying to drown out Misato's sobs, because he's just a kid and he knows there's nothing he can do and so he doesn't know what he /should/ do.

Although I've been wanting it for episodes, Kaji's death becomes a bitter pill that I can feel no mean satisfaction from. I'm not sure what's going on, but I know Misato's distraught. This concludes my report on Episode 21 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

#neon genesis evangelion report #fuckin' kaji

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battle-of-alberta · 5 years ago

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BoAB Meta Essay 1: 5 W’s

Hello and welcome to this strange and silly yet semi-serious project of mine. Battle of Alberta is a Hetalia-inspired comic and ask blog following the adventures and mishaps of rival Canadian cities Edmonton and Calgary. I started this blog in 2018, though I first created the characters a decade ago in 2010 as fan characters for the I Am Matthewian Project. This little illustrated essay is just an introduction to me, my orientation towards this project, and why the heckaroonie I’m doing this.

Who: About the Author

My name is Hapo. As I’m writing this, I’m a graduate student at the University of Toronto and hope to have that wrapped up in the spring of 2020. Though I’ve been dragged around the continent for one reason or another (usually the result of a gravitational pull of a university town), I consider Edmonton to be my hometown and fully acknowledge and relish in the resulting bias I was raised with. I am a 3rd or 5th generation Albertan depending on how you count it and a settler on Treaty 6 territory. My educational background is in Classics, Ancient Societies and Cultures, Linguistics, Archives, and Museum Studies; my academic interests kind of revolve around the construction of culture and memory. I also tend to enjoy challenging stereotypes and misconceptions and disturbing ideas about seemingly hierarchical top-down, center-periphery relationships. Most of all, I love drawing satirical comics of varying degrees of silliness and sharing them with people. I currently use a Wacom tablet and Clip Studio Paint for my comics.

What: Writing About Cities

I chose to focus on cities because it’s the kind of granularity I like to write about; I find writing from a national perspective too broad and difficult to rationalize from my own experience and while I’ve written from the provincial level in the past, I most enjoy the level of nuance and every day information that comes from living in and studying cities. My other comic, @athensandspartaadventures, kicked off my love of writing city-states, and my travels to other Canadian cities over the course of my post-secondary studies fueled my desire to learn more about municipal histories.

Listening to the news, joining protests, and navigating my way through adulthood pushed me to learn how to participate politically on a local level as well. The 10th Annual Hurtig Lecture at the University of Alberta featuring mayors Don Iveson and Naheed Nenshi on the future of cities is an event I feel shaped my attitude towards cities in general, but it also encouraged me to look at the cities I knew with a different, optimistic perspective. I want to inspire readers to understand their own municipalities as complicated, messy, and in need of love and support from the inside.

When: Then and Now

While I wouldn’t define myself as a historian per se, I tend to look at many things through a historical lens. The history is an integral part of the story that shapes these characters, and while I don’t mean to use history to justify one narrative over others, I do have to make some decisions and choices about the stories that I tell and the characters I am building for consistency’s sake.

What sets interpretations of personifications apart is the author’s own experience, and at the end of the day it’s my interpretations, gut reactions, and personal experience that colour my work and my view of history. I recognize that I have my own biases and ways of thinking that are rooted in my view of the world as it is today, and I also recognize that those understandings can change. This blog is less a chronicle of one monolithic view of history and more a chronicle of my own perspective and growth.

During this project, I won’t be shying away from certain historical periods and certainly not modern politics. That said, I also will not be answering asks that are deliberately politically or historically insensitive, nor will I be going out of my way to render explicit periods of great pain or violence. My own discretion is not perfect, but I will be using it as I see fit and trying my best to be responsive about it.

Where: Oil Country

Gavin Crawford probably says it best in his Wild West miniseries satirizing a wide cast of provincial stereotypes: “What do I like best about Alberta? It’s where I live.” My family settled in Alberta before it was a province and while I was not born there originally, it is where I would always leave from and come home to, it was where I went to school and kept all my things, it was where I formed my fond childhood memories and my political attitudes as an adult, and whether I was living in sub-rural or suburban Alberta or across the continent from it, it was always Where I Lived and Where I Would Go if I could click my heels three times.

I was born in the economic fall out after the NEP reinforced divisions with the rest of the country. I was in grade school while Klein was handing out prosperity bonuses at the height of the boom when we still couldn’t afford textbooks from after the fall of the Soviet Union let alone teacher’s salaries. I didn’t really understand the ire we drew from the rest of the country and the world until I joined the I Am Matthewian Project in high school, and suddenly I had to make a lot of decisions about my own political identity I hadn’t previously considered.

I understand what it’s like to live in a (tongue-in-cheek) ��petro-archy' and the culture shock of stepping outside it. I know how it is to feel constantly under siege by the rest of the world to the point that all rhetoric is reduced to calling out hypocrisy while refusing to analyze yourself. I have felt inexplicable rage boil up when hearing jokes or perceptions of my backyard from people in central Canada or other countries, and then having nothing to fall back on when being accused of having no history or culture. Most of all, I get what it’s like to be bombarded with all this stuff as a teenager and as a young adult, and I get how difficult it can be to navigate when you’re constantly and almost exclusively met with “everybody hates Alberta”. My province is dumb, it should be criticized, but I also love it fiercely and I dare everyone, Albertan or otherwise, to start to imagine it better.

Why: Battling it Out

We’ve been through why I am writing about cities, why I’m looking through a historical lens, and why I am a little obsessed with the problematic image of my home province. I think the final question is: why frame it with the Battle? The Battle of Alberta is an age-old rivalry that transcends the sporting events it is commonly associated with, as I touch on in Chapter 1. It’s the source of a lot of amusement for me when reading headlines and listening to petty jabs whether on the radio or in restaurants. It’s something that dies down with each new generation only to flare up again over some issue or another.

Most of all though, I like to think of it as the start and the end of a healthy relationship, a competitive spirit that makes us strive to be better than each other and better than ourselves. It’s the thesis statement of this project and the wish I have for the future. I don’t mind whether you want to read it as petty or serious, as platonic or romantic, but it’s enduring, it’s constant, and I believe at the end of the day it can be used for good.

That’s all from me for now, I look forward to your questions and comments as well as to writing more meta stuff like this!

Hapo

#aph oc #aph ask blog #aph calgary #aph edmonton #hetalia oc #projectcanada cities #pc: edmonton #pc: calgary #edward murphy #calvin mccall #hapo art #boab meta #boab extras #digital art #clip studio paint

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littlethingwithfeathers · 6 years ago

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Writing Update 2/26/19

Publishing Now!

A Room for Rent in the Fourth Estate: My Darcy/Venom/Eddie fic, which clocks in at just over 44k. I update every Monday morning at the link above. Thank you to everyone who is already reading and commenting! I’m loving how excited some of you are for this fic. It’s really humbling!

Chapter 8 just went live! You can read a short excerpt from the first chapter below!

***

“Hey Dr. C! It’s Darcy.”

“Hey Darcy! How’s the superhero life treating you?”

“Oh, it’s the usual. The scientists don’t ever remember to sleep or eat. And Captain America strutting around in muscle shirts keeps me from remembering how to do things like breathe and walk in a straight line. But y'know. Eating regular. Living indoors. Living the Millennial dream.”

“Living most anybody’s dream more like.” her advisor replied, a smug smile in his voice.

“Yeah well.” Darcy gave a sheepish shrug even though Dr. Carpenter couldn’t see her. “So about that intern credit. I thought I had that covered. That’s how I wound up on Dr. Foster’s traveling circus in the first place.”

“I know but the new regs for graduation say that it has to actually be in your field, and ideally relevant to your thesis. Not sure I can spin an internship with a theoretical physicist into political science gold.”

Darcy groaned and buried her face in her hands. “You know that internship nearly got me killed right? Like… Multiple times?”

“Yeah, but I also know that it’s got you living rent free in the Avengers facility in upstate New York where Captain America struts around in a muscle shirt. So… no sympathy.”

Darcy snorted against the rim of her coffee mug. “Fair enough.”

“Besides,after last time, I wanted to find you something good.”

“Yeah?”

“So… Just hear me out on this. You know I went to undergrad here at Culver.”

“Uh huh?”

“You know who else went to Culver for undergrad? Who’s a journalist covering human rights issues, and was one of my classmates?”

“Who?”

“Eddie Brock.”

She sat up straight on that one, like she’d just applied her own taser to the base of her spine. “Eddie Brock? Like… “The Brock Report” Eddie Brock? THE Eddie Brock?”

“The very same. He’s doing print stuff these days, and he’s chasing a story involving military recruitment practices. And I found out just the other day that he’s looking for an intern.”

“No shit.”

“Yep. With your focus on recruitment demographics, military policy and so forth, I thought you might be a good fit to help him.”

“You want me to go intern for Eddie Brock.” The disbelief was thick on her voice.

“No. Eddie Brock wants you to intern for him. I just want you to graduate and get the hell out of my hair.” Dr. Carpenter sniped cheerily. “I sent him your thesis and he was all about it.”

There was a beat of utterly pulverized dead silence. “You’re kidding.”

***

Coming soon!

An Echo in my Soul: Another installment for “ Friendship is Unnecessary.” This one is Bucky/Natasha focused and set post Civil War. The rough draft is finished and clocks in right at 6.5k words. Though I expect editing will grow that number. I had to power through a few sections that I’m working on polishing and fleshing out now. Look for it to publish around the beginning of March, once “Fourth Estate” is finished publishing.

Before the Storms Begin Breaking - Loki/Darcy fic: I’ve had several requests for more from “The Rain’ll Be Gone in the Morning.” And while I had intended it to be a stand alone, there is room to explore the vulnerability in Loki and the dutiful attachment in Darcy that I introduced in the fic… and the giftee of that fic in particular has been asking for more. It now has a title and currently stands at just over 5k words. So look for that coming sometime in early spring.

The Night the Wall Came Down: Next up in my “Friendship is Unnecessary”series. It’s a Steve/Natasha fic set about a month post Infinity War. Definitely will be a sad one… I’m actually using this as a mourning piece for myself for Infinity War, for what might be coming in Avengers: Endgame, and for the end of season 5 of Agents of SHIELD. The rough draft is finished, clocking in at 7.5k, but my beta reader @kaminaduck pointed out that the opening chapter is no longer canon compliant because of the Endgame trailer. So I’ve got to go back and do major surgery on the opening. It’s looking more and more likely that this one will not go live until after I see Endgame and know for sure it can match up. Especially now that I’m toying with the serious idea of doing a final fic for this series that’s post-Endgame.

Hang By Every Word: The outline for my Stucky fic is still coming along but it will be awhile yet before I start writing on it in earnest. Now that “Fourth Estate” is finished and publishing, I’m ready to start picking at a new bigger fic. The basic theme (and I’m sure this has been done, but fuck it) is the undoing of Bucky’s conditioning one trigger word at a time. And each trigger word locked down a memory of Steve. So I have to write things from Steve’s point of view, and all ten memories have to be written from Bucky’s point of view, and they have to tie together into a cohesive narrative but the memories are out of order, but Steve’s time line isn’t and… It’s… a challenge. I’m still largely in the brainstorming phase… writing little snippets here and there. Nothing’s solidly taking form just yet.

Other “Friendship is Unnecessary” fics in the planning stages:

Sweet and Honorable: Bucky insists on coming with Steve and Natasha to rescue Sam Wilson. Set post Civil War. This is starting to take shape in my head as a sort of work through for some of the issues that get raised in “Echo.” We’ll see how it goes...

Rusalka: Steve/Natasha set sometime before Civil War. Natasha takes Steve as her +1 to a Stark gala.

Untitled Final Fic: I have begun toying around with ideas for different post-Endgame scenarios. Depending on how things go, I might wrap up the series there. It will just really depend on the fallout of that movie. I’m… not looking forward to it.

#writing #writing update

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pet-diary · 6 years ago

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Hi! Here’s my introduction for the 2018 @gradblrchallenge .

Happy to meet you all! (ノ^∇^)

name or nickname: Brit (or Poppet)

location: Seattle, Washington (USA)

area of study: Clinical Mental Health Counseling

level of study: 1st year Master's (starting in Oct '18)

a word on your thesis/dissertation: Not quite there yet! But I know I'm very interested in working with adolescent populations... My main passions are trauma in victims of violent crime, interpersonal dynamics for adolescents (bullying and "mean girls"), abnormal psychology, and autism. All pretty unrelated! :S I need to narrow my interests down and figure out what I want to do long term. I'm sure it'll come together over time... Right?

what has been your experience with graduate school/university thus far: I haven’t had a lot of experience yet... I was a research assistant for my last year of undergrad (researching place attachment for immigrant Latinx families through the lens of Critical Race Theory), and I’ve had a lot of internship experience involving autism and kids or young adults. I currently co-host a support group for women on the spectrum. I graduated summa cum laude in Dec ‘17, earning my BA in psychology. My college experience has been fairly abnormal overall...

what do you hope to accomplish with this challenge: Since it takes place before I start classes, I hope to use it as a way to both mentally and physically prepare myself for grad school. There's a lot of things that need to get sorted, and I want to stay productive and focused through August, rather than pushing everything off and avoiding the fact that I start GRADUATE SCHOOL in the fall! ( ꒪Д꒪)”...

is this your first #gradblrchallenge: Yes! I've been wanting to join this challenge ever since I decided to apply for grad school a couple of years ago. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

favourite film: I hate playing faves, but I’ll say The Ring, US version (very calming atmospherically, set in Seattle!). I have so many faves...

favourite tv series: Hmm, again I have too many faves! But I’ll say Law and Order SVU. Olivia Benson is my mom.

places you wish to visit in a near future: Japan, England, New Orleans (I’ve been a few times, but I'd love to go to Crime Con next year).

where do you see you self in five years: Probably still living in Seattle, working or getting ready for PhD? Maybe moved back to Virginia? I honestly have no idea right now.

meaning behind your url: I'm a big fan of pet names of endearment, and nostalgic sweet things like that. There are certain words that I find very appealing and they spring stories up in my mind very easily. 'Pet' is one of them. 'Diary' is another. I've had a diary throughout my whole life, and this is my current one. In addition to school/career content, I post a lot about my daily life (see images below for an example of the kind of original content I post).

a random fact about you: I was a “professional artist” from 18 through my mid-20s, but decided to finish school after getting burned out in that field. I’m taking a break from art and want to pursue psychology as a career, since it has been a long-time dream of mine. I now make art as a hobby. Some of my work focuses on darker stuff; struggles in mental health, and the line between fantasy and reality are common themes. I hope to eventually bring my two passions together in some way.

Also hi, I'm autistic. :P

P.S. I my main is @beyourpet, so you will most likely see that username instead of @pet-diary. It’s just me! (*⌒∇⌒*) This is a side blog...

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linkalearnsjapanese · 7 years ago

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So not a lot of content has been happening lately because of how crazy/exhausting life is right now. Basically my very waking moment is spent focusing on how my thesis is going, so I don’t have time to research and write about the stuff I’d like. I’ve been researching the thing I chose to research so much that now I don’t have time to research the things I want for the my side research (haha). So here’s some things that have happened in my life lately

Got hired by the JET Program – so I’ll be officialy moving to Japan in late July 2018

Have to figure out all sorts of fun visa documentation

Am 28 days away from graduating with a Bachelor’s Degree in Japanese Studies

Have written a 30 page thesis on the history of manga and have begun presenting it at conferences. Still ahve to defend the thesis in a few weeks

Remembered that I have 3 other classes I have to pass (besides thesis) to graduate. Oops.

SO yeah. That’s where I’m at. This blog definitely isn’t dead! But it’s also always been intended for me to channel all sorts of things that I’m interested in or learning about, so regular posting was never really on the agenda.

Happy Spring!

Blogger Update So not a lot of content has been happening lately because of how crazy/exhausting life is right now.

#jet program #life update #thesis #thesis research

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kyosplosion · 7 years ago

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what the hell am i doing with myself.

my reaction to having a lot of things to do is to do absolutely nothing. i don't know why i do this EVERY. GODDAMN. TIME. it's not productive. i don't even enjoy myself. i just sit around worrying about how much stuff i have to do without doing ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

people keep telling me to 'just start', but it really doesn't help. i work for maybe 10 minutes before i get sidetracked and just don't do anything productive anymore. sometimes if i'm really motivated it works, but most of the time it doesn't. changing scenery doesn't help either. i went to the library to work and spent 5 hours there.... of that, i probably worked properly for at most 2 hours. and that's overestimating a lot.

i have a motion graphics project due on wednesday that i haven't even started. another one had storyboards and moodboards due on friday and i had neither done so i skipped the class. i haven't posted any of the work i've done for portfolio, nor have i arranged a calendar for it because i STILL don't know how long anything on the syllabus will take me. i'm already several days behind on my thesis schedule.

the worst part is that i don't really care.

i don't care that i'm already on track to get low grades in or even fail my core classes. (if i fail even one class i'm taking this semester i can't graduate until next spring because they're only offered once a year.) i don't care that having a shit final semester will look bad. i don't care that this is a firable work habit. i don't care that people won't want to hire me. i don't care that i'm retreating into myself. i don't care. i don't care. i don't care!!!!!!

i don't want to be a storyboard artist. i don't want to be an animator. i don't want to be a designer. i don't want to be successful. i don't want to be a leader. i don't want to be a good artist. i don't want to be a worker. i don't want to *be* anything.

but i'm not allowed to be "nothing", i guess

#kyo rants

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savrenim · 7 years ago

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ifmlam on semi-indefinite semi-haitus

Hello friends!

I am a week and a half into graduate school, and one thing has become painfully obvious to me: I am not going to be able to maintain my GPA, finish my homework, learn what I need to learn to pass the quals, be a functional adult (ie pay rent and make myself food), and be consistently working on a project as significant as ifmlam. It is just not going to be sustainable considering the graduate work alone is a 60+ hour work week, especially considering I am hella not neurotypical and if I take on huge projects at once my mental health rapidly decays as I do the projects instead of sleep.

I'm not going on "hiatus" per se in that I haven't stopping writing it. But it's going to be slow. Even slower than usual, mostly because the amount of effort that goes into each chapter between researching and making painstaking decisions based on comparison to history and drafting and writing and re-writing and final edits takes a massive amount of time, I refuse to cut corners to let the quality drop, and I just physically don't have that time in large amounts. I'll still be working on it, but the spread of time that I have is in intervals few and far between, so things will progress really really slowly, at least until I have a less full semester, which, like. May not be until I've got a PhD in five years. May be come spring or winter break.

I've definitely gotten other things going on that are taking up spare time besides graduate work. TAZ has inspired me to join a game of DnD with my friends (tagged "starblaster!" for updates), some of whom I haven't seen in over a year. I could drop it, but I miss them, and I love interacting with them, and I'd rather foster that connection. I'm finishing up writing a paper with my old physics advisor based on my thesis. I don't have to be doing research right now, but it's reasonably significant results about black holes exploding, and I want to publish that. I'm devoting a bit of time every week to go to the math grad student board game afternoons, which I could skip out on, but I'm tired of being a hermit and never interacting with my peers. I guess what I'm trying to say is I've got a priority list and I've decided to prioritize things that directly make me happy to try to balance the immense workload of trying to get a PhD in mathematical physics with the immense workload of a joint research-writing project, and that means I'm not going to make time for ifmlam at the expense of other things in my life like I've done in the past.

This is a personal blog so I'm going to keep posting personal stuff and reblogging things that I think are cool? So if you're following me for Hamilton stuff, maybe I am no longer a good blog to follow, unless you like all the new stuff that I'm posting, in which case you do you? And, like, again. I'm finishing ifmlam. It might just take a while.

Thank you for your time, I guess? And if you stick around, thank you for waiting, I'll try to make it worth it?

#ifmlam #my life

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showingthroughtome · 8 years ago

Text

out of our hands

“a five part study on the effects of eye contact on perceived closeness”

Or the one where Harry is a psychology grad student who is running a study, and Adalyn is the girl who signs up for it.

a one shot i wrote for ash last summer that i didnt post on tumblr for some odd reason

read below

Harry had been in school for a long time. A very long time. Years and years and years, is what he'd say if anyone asked.

He did thirteen years of school before he started college and then six since - four years of undergraduate where he got his bachelor's degree in psychology, and for the last two years he'd been working on his master's degree.

He was supposed to be almost done. He was supposed to have seven more weeks until he was out of the collegiate atmosphere. But the forces of nature, or magnetic energies, or maybe even God himself wasn't ready for that. Because somehow, his final research article had been skewed. So much so, that if he couldn't fix it, have it sent for review, and approved before the deadline, he'd have to stay around another semester and conduct his research study all over again.

One of his peer reviewers, this asshole Brennan, noted on his article that his findings could have been altered due to "unaccounted for manipulation". When the board saw that and questioned Harry, he knew right away Brennan was correct. His results wouldn't be significant enough to grant him a well-written article, and Harry wouldn't get his master’s degree.

Thankfully, he had enough time to conduct his study one last time, on one completely new participant. All he had to do was find someone he had never once met before, someone he had no chance of knowing. He went to a friend and asked them to spread the word. After only three days, he heard back, hearing about some other psych major who was always participating in studies - it was her thing, her love.

So here he was, with six weeks to do an entire study, get together a write up, and send it off. And all he had was a name.

Adalyn.

session one

Adalyn was ecstatic about life as of late. She was halfway through her sixth semester of college - only having seven weeks before summer break and having just turned 21 right before spring break. That meant she didn't have to sneak in bars with a fake ID anymore, or pretend to be sneaking when in reality the people just let her stay because her hair was pink and her eyelashes fluttered. She didn't mind having guys look at her in awe, but it did make her feel dirty, slightly sleazy, for using her looks to get her what she wanted.

Other than legal alcohol consumption, age came with a sense of assuredness for Adalyn. She was finally feeling confident in declaring her major, thinking psychology was the right path for her, especially after volunteering for all those research studies over the last two years - any that she qualified for, she would readily go to. It was probably because her freshman year Research Methods class taught her the value of a good sample size and how helpful it is to the experimenter when people actually participate in their study instead of ignoring it completely. (Life tip #1: always fill out a survey honestly and carefully. People work hard at developing those, and sometimes base their whole career on responses.)

Not only did she find the studies to be fun, but they also looked good for grad school applications. Her grades were looking excellent so far, not getting anything but A's since she took English 300 her sophomore year. (Life tip #2: don't take a 300-level class until junior year - not that it's actually that much harder, but they normally suck horribly, so just save yourself the heartache for one more year.)

That's why when her best friend heard from her friend that his friend was conducting a study that called for a new participant as soon as possible, she jumped on the opportunity, figuring it could only do everyone some good.

She had to be in the research building by 10am, not too early and not too late, but still, she found herself rushing there. Her first class of the day got out at 9:30, and the buildings weren't far from each other, but of course she spilt the last little bit of her coffee on her chest when she went to put her notebook in her backpack. She had to run back to her dorm and change into something else.

Originally she was dressed nice, wearing light-wash jeans, a polka dotted blouse, and her favorite pair of oxfords - classy chic was her goal. With the quick change though, she didn't have enough time to find a non-wrinkly shirt so she picked the first folded t-shirt she had in her dresser - a grungy old Nirvana one her older brother let her have (or she stole, who knows, really?).

To say the least, she was out of breath swinging the door open to room 3068 on the third floor of the psychology department's low-tech research wing. She was shocked to find no one in, first assuming she was early. Looking at her phone, it read 10:04, so nope, it wasn't a miracle, she wasn't early. It just happened the experimenter also had bad time management skills.

All that the room held was a table and two chairs placed on either side of it - reminiscent of interrogation rooms. Adalyn could've sworn she saw an exact replica of the room on one of those A&E shows where they recount the violent crimes of various criminals.

Staring at the empty room, she didn't know what to do with herself. Like any sane person would, she plopped her butt down on one of the cold metal chairs and waited. But not for too long, because after just a few scrolls through Instagram, the door was once again swung open and a man walked through - or more so rushed in.

Adalyn first noticed his height, his tall, lanky legs and arms. Then she noticed his age. He was younger than she expected - most people who ran studies were nearly greying or at least old enough to be rocking a wedding band on their finger. This guy, though, looked to be just a few years older than Adalyn.

“Hi!” She popped out of the chair, going in for a professional, strong handshake. The man reacted accordingly, shaking hers for just a second before going about the room, dropping his books off and picking up a clipboard.

“Running a bit late.” Were the first words he breathed. Turning back to Adalyn, he held out the clipboard to her. “These are the consent forms, pretty standard stuff. Just take a look through and sign please.”

“Of course!” Adalyn responded cheerily, not letting one ounce of her day’s misfortune carry into her interaction with this man. Still, he raked his hand through his hair and turned to gather materials.

She sat down and read over the paper. She could've just skimmed and signed it, but what can she say? She's a nerd for this kind of thing. She thought maybe research procedures and release forms could totally be her future. Or maybe after she spent a decade testing the effects of ambiguity on helping behaviors.

The paper had all kinds of fun information though. Not just procedures but researcher information - hypothesis, thesis, compensation. From it, Ashlyn learned the name of the man in front of her, the one who had taken a seat on the opposite side of the table and began fiddling with a timer: Harry Styles, a graduate student looking to explore eye contact in association with perceived closeness.

She signed the form and slid it to the side, waiting further instruction, but without looking up, Harry reached for another form and slid it across the table.

“This is just a self-report survey about any feelings you may have. Please answer as truthfully as possible. My colleagues will be gathering the data so I won't know who said what.” He still didn't look up, just spoke like a machine.

Adalyn nodded, not that it mattered or anything. It was just – well, she just hadn't felt that unnoticed in a long time. Harry didn't have to bask in all her beauty or anything, but maybe a little bit of acknowledgment would've been nice.

She went along with it anyway, because the guy clearly needed it and she was already this far into it. All of the 10 questions on the survey pertained to either how she felt at the moment or how she felt in accordance to the experimenter. It was on a 5 point Likert Scale. 1 being negatively, 3 being no feelings at all, 5 being positively.

Half were 5’s. Half were 2’s.

By the time she completed the survey, Harry was finally done setting up whatever he was doing.

“Alright, thanks.” He said, adding her survey to the pile of papers. “You're Adalyn, correct?”

She nodded. “Harry?”

“Yes. Nice to meet you.” He gave his first half-assed, tight-lipped smile.

It was better than nothing.

“Okay, well in this study,” Harry began reading from a sheet of paper. It was standard protocol for a research study. The conductor of the experiment would read from a sheet of paper detailing what the participant would be doing in the study. It was a way to account for variables across participants, making sure that outside factors, such as experimenter delivery, didn't have an effect on the outcome. “You, the participant, will hold eye contact to the best of your ability with the experimenter for five minutes over five sessions. After each session, you will fill out a survey containing the same questions as the one you did previously. Changes in answers will show an effect of eye contact, the dependent variable, on perceived closeness, the independent variable.”

Adalyn listened closely to the formality of it all. The obsessive compulsion of studies always delighted her in some strange way.

“You may blink, and if you need to stop at any time, feel free to tell the experimenter. Your participation is greatly appreciated.” Harry finished up the short paragraph, lifting his eyes. “Any questions?”

“Nope. Five minutes of eye contact. Got it.” Adalyn ran through.

“Okay, then we will begin when I start the clock.” Harry grabbed the small stopwatch, set it for five minutes. “Now.” He said, initiating eye contact and laying the small device on the table.

There was no way around it, it was fucking weird. Eye contact for a long period of time was just unnatural, anyone would agree. But she couldn’t really do anything about it, except for stare into the eyes of this man who would barely look at her a few moments before – not even other parts of his face, just his green eyes.

It felt like forever, like time was standing still and all she'd ever be able to see when she looked away was that shade of emerald. Or maybe they were more forest-y? Perhaps jade? Adalyn wasn't sure, though she was sure it had to have been five minutes already. The timer must not have gone off.

Right as she was about to drop her eyes, unable to do it any longer, it kind of got nice. Tension felt to have faded, and the awkwardness that is one human being staring into the eyes of a complete stranger fizzled. But before she could be sure that actually happened and she wasn't just imagining it, the timer did go off and Harry sunk back in his chair.

Quick enough, he handed her the second survey, and with just a short goodbye she was out of the door, blinking repeatedly to try to erase the one color was stuck in her mind.

---

Harry sat back in his chair for a long while after Adalyn had left the room. It was weird doing that again, after so many months of not. But even still, it never quite felt as intense with the past participants. Something about Adalyn, with the pink hair and icy blue eyes, had him shaken. Right from the start, he noted how beautiful she was, how happy she seemed, and the eye contact only added to it.

As he tried to gather himself, he couldn't help think of how Brennan would be kicking his own ass for the conclusive findings Harry was sure to get with this rarity of a girl.

That is, as long as he didn’t let the data skew.

session two

Adalyn saw Harry again after that, in between session one and two, when she was in the cafeteria with a group of her loud, obnoxious, lovable, freaky friends. They were quite an eclectic group, varying in race and status and major. They were breaking the rules of homogony on every front which is probably what thrilled them the most - knowing that just by being friends, they were defying societal pressures.

She was eating with them, or rather stealing celery and apple slices off of her best friend’s plate, and looked around to catch the set of eyes that shouldn’t have been as familiar as they were. She shouldn't have been able to look at a guy she spent maybe ten minutes with in total and know every variation of green his irises shifted from. But she did, so she waved, just like any normal person would, any self-respecting friendly human being would.

Harry seemed to snap out of a trance when Adalyn raised her hand, turning away without an ounce of acknowledgement, nodding to whatever his small group of friends were saying. They all kind of looked alike, but just a tiny bit. All but one had tattoos littering their arms. They all wore skinny jeans and easy smiles and joked with each other. Harry looked the most serious.

It was the cold vegetable hitting Adalyn lightly on the face that snapped her out of her examining of the table across the room. She turned towards the one person she knew as the vegetable thrower, her best friend, and gave her best death stare. As it turned out, Adalyn wasn't good at evil so her friend just ended up laughing.

She sat there for the rest of the meal wondering why the fuck she was so obviously ignored.

That was almost a week ago, and even remembering that couldn't throw her off her mood, because she had just gotten an A on a paper from one of the hardest classes she was taking that semester: Abnormal Psychology in Children. It had her bouncing with every step and cheeks aching from an unrelenting grin when she walked in room 3068.

Harry was already there this time, doing something on his phone, possibly texting those friends of his about how to properly blow off someone.

He didn't look up when Adalyn stepped in the room and the door closed behind her.

A, she thought, I got an A.

“Hello!” She chirped as she pulled her chair out. Even if he completely ignored her again, she wouldn't care, she wouldn't let it bother her. I got an A.

“Hello, are you ready to start?” Harry was nothing but business, hitting the lock button on his phone and throwing it into his open bag he had on the floor.

The thing was, he didn't look like a dick who ignored pretty girls or who never wanted to say hello. His face could be soft, in the second before he put a stern look on. The moment she saw him staring, before he realized it, he looked incredibly soft, like if she were to touch him it would be a euphoric experience. Then the fucker would open his mouth and was robotic.

“Yup!” She smiled. I got an A.

Harry nodded once, maybe let half his lips turn upward just a smidge, and then they were off. Adalyn did her survey – marking nearly all fives on this day – and then Harry got out his stopwatch.

This eye contact was like it was before, kind of awkward, mostly uncomfortable, but then about two minutes in (or what Adalyn guessed was two minutes because again, time was weird when you had no way of marking it) she remembered she was supposed to be in a good mood. She kept her eyes locked with this grumpy man and thought of how she could call her parents later and brag about how well she did, about how grad schools would want her, and those student loans would one day be paid off.

Without even realizing it, she felt her lips turning into a grin, how could they not with such positive vibes running rampant inside. It was awkward to sit in silence, stare at a guy, and smile for no apparent reason. She really tried to contain it, to tuck her lips together and keep them solid like Harry's.

It was an ongoing effort that she was certain would last the whole five minutes when suddenly, out of nowhere, it was like she stepped into an alternate universe where Harry could show emotion. Just barely, the corners of his eyes crinkled, and the green of his irises may have lightened just a little. If she were allowed to look away, Adalyn would’ve checked to see if he were actually smiling and that she wasn't just making assumptions due to her learnings in Social Psych about facial expressions.

It was pretty clear that they both were smiling though, so she didn't try to conceal hers anymore and sat – surely looking ridiculous – until the timer went off. And as soon as it did, Harry slid the second survey in her direction.

She filled it out without a problem. She had to remain objective, had to remember the survey was how she felt about the experimenter and not about life in general. Even then, for every question, the score increased by one point.

Finishing the survey, Adalyn thought what the hell and decided she might as well at least see why Harry totally ignored her the other day.

“So I saw you the other day?” It came out like a question when she could've sworn it was a statement.

Harry didn't show any indication that he actually heard her, not moving his focus from some stack of papers. What did he even have to read right in that moment that couldn't wait?

“Yeah,” she continued. “You completely ignored me even though I know you saw me so I didn't figure you'd say anything today.”

A lot can be said about Adalyn, probably just as much good as bad. But no one could never say that she didn't speak her mind. Adalyn would let people decide if that fell under the good or bad category themselves.

In that moment, it got Harry to look up even if his face was back to its cold, distant normality. She didn't falter under the heavy gaze of someone clearly unamused by her, instead sat like she had the entire time, trying her best at unamused as well.

“Listen, Adalyn,” Harry started, then shook his head back and forth, something about it made her feel like he would rather be a million places other than sitting across from her. And that's fair enough, but she wouldn't just let him make her feel invisible without an explanation. “It's best that we don't talk to each other except for the study.”

“Oh yeah?” She challenged, breathing in.

“Yes. It's best not to skew data. This is a study on human interaction at its very core. If we start chatting it up in the cafeteria, then who's to say why you fill out the surveys the way you do. I need to know it's because of the eye contact.”

“You know that's being fucked right now?”

“Then all I can do is ask you to forget about this and leave. If I see you on campus and don't go out of my way to be friendly, or if I seem cold any other time, please forget about it when you're filling out that survey.” He pointed to the paper Adalyn hadn't yet handed back.

Adalyn got the importance of validity to a research study, she took a whole damn class on the subject, so she couldn't really argue, nor did she want to. Not when Harry seemed like a good guy just trying to publish his findings.

Adalyn nodded her head, grabbed her book bag from the ground and swung it over her shoulder, leaving the survey on the table as she exited the barren study lab.

---

Harry didn't mean to be a dick, not really, not ever. Not to a nice girl he hardly knew.

He just couldn't have the study under question again. If he had to find someone else to fill in for Adalyn, then that was even more time and resources down the drain. All he really wanted was to finish his study, and the many many years he's spent learning the ins and outs of human behavior – at least from the psychological standpoint.

Though, something about Adalyn already had him questioning what was supposed to be - what he had learned years ago in Psych 330: Human and Animal Behavior. People weren't supposed to call you on your shit like she did, so upfront and uncaring. People normally don't go straight for the kill, without even properly knowing each other.

That's why, when Adalyn left session two, he went to his old Social Psychology professor and had a nonspecific talk about confrontation theories. And when his professor laughed at him due to his “clear girl trouble”, Harry snorted and cracked a joke instead.

session three

Harry was different at their third session – less grumpy, more easy going. And it wasn't even like he was smiling or making jokes, it just felt like he was less angry when Adalyn met him in that same room. Which was pretty fucking weird, if she did say so. Out of nowhere, he wasn't ignoring her when she showed up, or when she tripped just a tiny bit while sliding into the metal chair. He even smirked at her clumsiness, raised an eyebrow in question of how she could possibly do what she just had. Adalyn was in such shock at his acknowledgement that she couldn't make a sound.

She filled out the survey and all the while felt his eyes on her. It was beginning to make her feel like she had something on her face, or maybe she had forgotten a few buttons on her blouse, showing off her lace bralette that left little to the imagination. After subtlety feeling around her face and looking down at her own chest, she knew neither of those were the reason why.

“Okay, you ready?” Harry accepted the survey she passed to him, almost sounding happy and excited to be doing this.

The shock wasn't wearing off so a confused Adalyn nodded and pulled her seat closer to the table, getting ready.

She couldn't stop herself from watching every movement Harry made, trying to find the exact difference in him, as if it could be seen on his flesh why he was acting decent. It couldn't really, not by the way he reached over for his stopwatch then ran his hand through his long brown locks, tossing it so it fell just in place. That just seemed kind of… Well… Hot.

It was most likely due to his acknowledgement in addition to his obvious attractiveness that had Adalyn noticing how Harry did everything just slow enough to make it seem like a tease, like he was doing it so people would watch him, wait for him, to keep their attention to see what the end result would be.

“Alright.” He broke her out of her head with the word, bringing her to the task at hand. He moved his head in such a way that she knew he was going to start the timer.

Staring in the eyes of someone who could barely say hi to you was a lot different than someone who might possibly think you're alright, Adalyn learned. Because that time, it didn't take the constant reminder of a good grade, or a stroke of magic to make the situation less awkward. It just was.

The tension was still palpable, the air still thick, but it wasn't the same as before. It was easier. She just sat and stared at that same pair of green eyes - even though they might've seemed more vibrant.

Whatever was different about Harry, whatever was making him laugh at her tripping and smirking a hello, also had him bringing so much intensity into the room. Yeah, it was easy to stare at him when he was that way, and yeah, she liked it better, but also, it made her body feel stiff. Like she had to move just to shake off his gaze or else he'd figure out everything about her – every mannerism and quirk, every secret she had kept and lies she had told.

It was both a good and a bad feeling.

Her body was almost aching to move, when for the third time, she was saved by the bell in the form of four little beeps from a stopwatch.

At the sound, both fell back into their chairs, almost in complete sync with one another. A moment went by when the room stood still, and Adalyn felt like what they had just experienced was a moment, a spark in some weird way.

The sliding of a survey in her direction had her forgetting those thoughts. It was the experiment. Not a moment. Not a spark. Harry wasn't light or happy, he was angry. He was just having an off day. Maybe he had gotten a good grade back too, skewing his usual demeanor.

Adalyn stuck to answering the questions as truthfully as possible, getting out of her head about what it felt like to be looked at by Harry and instead only thinking of how she felt towards the experimenter - the random guy who held eye contact with her.

Each question raised one point.

---

Whatever was up with Adalyn that day wouldn't bother Harry, he wouldn't let it. She barely said anything, just nodded the whole time, and still, he wasn't going to let himself think about it as he put SPSS data into the program. He'd run his t-tests, check the p-value, and decide if the results were significant.

After he found out that he got that job at his Social Psychology professors research lab, the stress slid right off his shoulders, just like the bad mood he had been carrying around for weeks. And he wouldn't let some random participant in his study mess that up. No matter how much he enjoyed her hair that matched the color of her lips, or her eyes that could wear down anyone's resolve. She wouldn't ruin his good day. Not one bit.

session four

The weather outside was hot, people were sweaty, hair was frizzing. In psychology, you learn that crime rates go up during the summer for various reasons, one major reason being the fact that heat makes people angry. Adalyn wasn't one of those people, and apparently neither was Harry.

When Adalyn found him in the lab, he was relaxing in his chair, nearly giggling as he typed out some kind of message on his phone. The sight alone had Adalyn checking the sign outside of the door so she was sure she hadn't walked into the wrong room and found Harry's happy twin brother.

3068 the door read. She was in the right place.

Cautiously, and mainly uncertain, she stepped through the doorway, pulling Harry out of his own little world. Almost immediately she felt under pressure. Not only was it so hot outside that she had to wear a tank top and her favorite pair of jean shorts, but now Harry was gazing off at her like he liked what he saw. She could feel the sweat gather at her hairline.

Harry wasn't dressed that much different than normal – black jeans and a button up shirt. Except this time, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing a scattering of tattoos, and the first few buttons were undone, showing a bit of his collarbone and possibly more ink.

“Hi.” Adalyn greeted, because she wasn't sure what else to do, what else would get Harry to move and hand her the survey.

“Hi.” He snapped back, but not like he was angry like before, but more so like he was caught doing something and needed to distract from it.

Adalyn, of course, didn't miss his eyes move away from her body slowly, almost hesitantly.

She took a seat in the chair – her chair – and for once, she thanked God for the seats being metal due to them cooling her exponentially. She let every part of her body slouch into the cool metal, feeling no shame when Harry eyed her like she was insane.

Adalyn just wanted this to go as quick as possible so she could get back to her Arctic room and ice cream she had waiting for her. Without much thought at all, she filled out the survey as honestly as possible.

She handed it back to Harry with him asking if she were ready. Like always, she was and he set the timer.

Adalyn pretty much knew what was going to happen by the fourth time she locked eyes with the ex-grumpy man who sat across from her for five minutes. It would be slightly awkward, but with Harry's new found cheer and can do attitude, it wouldn't be so bad.

She tried not to overthink why, out of nowhere, he didn't scowl when she entered the room or why he started greeting her with a smile on his face. She didn't need to know really. It was just a better scenery she'd gladly accept.

They were halfway through the process and the chair Adalyn was sitting in wasn't so cool anymore, it wasn't hot exactly, but all that relief she got from it had worn away. Now she was getting hot again. The room was feeling stuffy, and she felt like she just had to move. So, she did. She inched forward in the chair, leaning her elbows on the table and shaking her hair off of her shoulder, being sure to keep eye contact at all times.

Even that didn't do much to make the heat feel less, causing her to question if maybe the room wasn't actually as warm as she thought it was. Maybe it was just the intent Harry had in his eyes that had her skin feeling on fire and shining from the tiniest bit of sweat.

Adalyn kind of liked that idea.

The idea of Harry looking into her eyes so hungrily that her body had a physical reaction. It had her tingling in that good way she never got enough of, so much so that she'd often egg it on.

So basically, she couldn't help that she leaned forward that little bit more, enough to make her small tank top cover even less skin.

It was like she could feel it in his green eyes – how irritating she was being to his study. Nothing else about Harry gave her any indication that he was enjoying her little show, but all it took was the eyes.

And if he let his slip down her neck for just a split second before they met hers once again, she pretended not to notice.

She pretended not to notice while she was filling out the survey, while she was grabbing her things and smiling a good bye to him.

She walked out proud of herself, thinking that the next session would be fun – the last session.

session five

They were staring into each other's eyes for the last time. And it finally felt completely normal, not even awkward at all. Just like two friends. Which Adalyn knew they weren't, she had no delusion of that. But now she thought maybe the next time she waved at him,he'd return a small one at the very least.

Or possibly a big one.

Because Harry was staring at her again, like he wouldn't be able to look away even if this wasn't all for a study, and Adalyn couldn't help but tease him. She couldn't help but slide off the light cardigan she wore in and move her hair to one shoulder - the weather had dropped again, just like usual for this part of the US. Now Harry had a perfect view of an expansive amount of skin, from the V-neck of her t-shirt all the way up her neck.

He was good though, not playing into her efforts, locking even more ferociously with her eyes. That was enough to get Adalyn to lose some of the upper hand, because one can't just stare at someone like that – so kind and wanting – without having the recipient feel something.

This time, Adalyn needed to shift, not because she was feeling stiff or pressure, but because she just had to. Warmth was wrapping around her again but this time it had to be because of Harry and Harry alone. It was on her neck and up her legs and she just had to.

Once she did, momentarily she was feeling a lot better, like she could contain herself and keep her eyes looking into those green fiery ones.

Harry, though, then moved himself, scooting to the edge of his chair and extending his legs under the table enough to bump into Adalyn's. She moved hers out of the way just barely, not so much that they weren’t still nearly touching.

And then the beeps went off, just four small ones. They should've been louder for the moment that it was – the end of the study. But they weren't, they were the same as all the other times.

Adalyn and Harry didn't react much to the noise, fixed on each other. Until Adalyn was moving, surging forward across the table to connect her mouth with Harry's. Harry had no problems responding to that, standing up so the effort wasn't solely left on her, and wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Whoa.” Harry backed up, breaking the kiss and all body contact they had with each other. “Fuck!” He exclaimed, wiping all the evidence of the kiss from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What?” Adalyn wasn't sure what was so wrong with what she had just done. It was clear that Harry wanted her, he kissed her back so fully that there was no mistaking it. And she waited until the end of the sessions instead of doing it sooner even though she knew she could've. His reaction seemed a bit too much to her.

Instead of replying right away, Harry began pacing the small room, going back and forth in a single line.

“What did I do wrong?” Adalyn repeated. If she were someone different, this would've done a lot to hurt her ego – to see someone react so horribly to a kiss – and even though her ego wasn't hurt, her voice was.

Harry stopped his pacing at once, rushing to the stack of papers on the table. And that's when it hit her. She forgot the last survey – the last survey that could pretty much define his entire research study.

“Fuck!” She stomped her foot, mad at herself for letting desire do something so idiotic.

“Just fill it out truthfully and it'll be okay.” Harry spoke like he was convincing himself, like he needed to hear it so he didn't have to worry.

“Of course I will.” She grabbed the paper from his hands.

Obviously she would fill it out with as much honesty as all the others, because in all honesty, it was a no brainier. Clearly the eye contact had worked. Clearly her perceived closeness was at a five in every way – especially in the way where Harry's mouth tasted like the sweetest honey against hers and his big hand warmed her body.

It took her maybe seconds to fill out the form before handing it back to him. And somehow, in the time she looked away, Harry had appeared on her side of the table. They were closer than they had ever been before, Adalyn noted to herself.

“Good.” Harry looked at her answers for the first time, not putting them straight into an envelope like he normally did. “Where were we?” He asked in one breathe as he slammed the sheet down on the table and brought Adalyn back to his mouth, those hands back on her like they hadn't left. It was all enough to have her giggling while simultaneously trying to keep the room full of that lust.

Before she could even stop herself, she had her hands running down the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one. As more skin was revealed, so was more ink, and the need for her to run her tongue along every line. And she would've, too, if Harry hadn’t reconnected their lips as soon as she had disconnected them.

He was acting like he couldn't get enough of the taste of her, which she really didn't mind, not when he swung her around and had her sitting on the table that had kept them separated for the last five weeks.

It was then, with the cold against her legs, that she realized just what was going on and muttered the words, “This is so fucked.”

“What is?” Harry pulled back to look into her eyes. The two sets of eyes knew each other pretty well by then so if anything were wrong, he'd have known just by that.

Adalyn shook her head and laughed. “Your study.”

“Don't say that, it'll kill the mood.” He went back to kissing along the line of her neck.

“No seriously. I mean, you really proved something here.”

“What's that?”

“Stare at someone long enough and they'll want to have sex with you.”

“I've done this with a few other people, and Adalyn, you're the only person who I've ended the study with this way.”

“Damn, Harry. You have such a way with words.”

“Don't I?” Harry was playful it turned out, smiling against her neck. She had no way of knowing that before, but here he stood, slightly undressed and cracking a few jokes.

And his smirk? Well that was enough to drive anyone crazy, and have Adalyn undoing his belt buckle without a second thought – just knowing she wanted him so viscerally right then was enough for her.

Harry had her shirt off nearly as quick. Then, without warning, he slowed down, taking his time to touch every part of her skin, to kiss where he felt like she deserved and to slip her bottoms off gently.

Adalyn would've done well with a quick fuck, a onetime thing from a hot psych student, but she was finding the slowness pretty okay too. Because when he wrapped her legs around his hips, and slid into her like she was something special, her whole world went fuzzy.

She lulled her head back in pure ecstasy as Harry took his time with her, biting marks into her neck that were sure to show sooner rather than later. She felt herself being useless in his arms, and still she couldn't stop being completely wrecked by him – with every forward motion of his hips, pushing her closer to her end.

It was when she finally decided to look up again, to check that Harry was getting as much out of it as she was, that she met his eyes and reached her climax. It came with a mutter of Harry and then a slump of her body even closer to his. Like any respectable man, Harry followed with a little more coaxing of her mouth on his neck – she was determined to leave a few love bites of her own – and a swirl of her hips.

They were both getting dressed again when the first post-sex words were spoken. And from Harry no less.

“That was fun, huh?” He smiled lightly, testing the waters with his offhand question.

Adalyn pulled on her shirt, surveying the room to see no noticeable differences about it.

“Oh, I definitely have no complaints.” She spoke honestly and freely, living high off her orgasm.

That truth seemed to shock Harry. Probably not that she was satisfied but that she wasn't playing games about it.

“None?” He questioned.

“Nah.” She pretended to think on it, then continued. “And I'm not one for lying.”

“Good to know.”

“Yeah. I figure it might be nice for you to know something about me.” Adalyn stepped closer to Harry, who was fully dressed and grinning contentedly at her from the edge of the table he perched himself on.

“I think so too.” He nodded in agreement, checking his watch. “And so in that case, would you want to have lunch with me?”

#1dff #oooh #dusting off an oldie #im sure people who would read this already have but i wanted it here anyway lol #im posting lm tomorrow!

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toldnews-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/world/asia-pacific/survival-of-the-throne-episode-three-the-reluctant-bride/

Survival of the throne: episode three: The Reluctant Bride

On Tuesday, Emperor Akihito of Japan stepped down in the first abdication of the Chrysanthemum Throne in 200 years. In Episodes 1 and 2 of this series, he redefined the world’s oldest monarchy for a nation defeated in war. The story continues here with his eldest son, Naruhito, who will become emperor on Wednesday.

They spoke for only a few minutes, but that was enough.

He was 26, an affable prince who had studied history at Oxford and happened to be second in line to the throne.

She was 22, a bright Harvard graduate following her father into a career in the Foreign Ministry. Or so she thought.

On an October afternoon in 1986, they met at a reception he hosted in Tokyo for Princess Elena of Spain.

As a string ensemble performed classical music, the diplomat’s daughter, Masako Owada, sipped orange juice. Naruhito, eldest son of Crown Prince Akihito, circulated among the 120 guests. When the two were introduced, he asked, “What kind of diplomat would you like to be?”

History does not record her reply but years later Naruhito would say that he enjoyed their conversation — and was smitten. “Although she is very modest,” he recalled, “she says what she thinks clearly, and is very intelligent.”

This was no chance encounter. The survival of the monarchy, which was more popular in Japan than most politicians, hinged on Naruhito finding a wife — and fathering a son. He would be emperor one day, but he needed an heir.

The chamberlains of the Imperial Household Agency had orchestrated Ms. Owada’s invitation to the reception after noticing she was one of three women to pass Japan’s notoriously tough foreign service exam that year. That, and a few other meetings at events around town, was all it took to spark Naruhito’s ardor.

Ms. Owada was flattered by the interest but demurred. She was a fledgling diplomat and devoted to work. Still, he sent her flowers on her birthday. A year later, the Foreign Ministry sent her to study international relations at Oxford. Reporters hounded her until she called an impromptu news conference on the library steps and denied any romantic connection to the prince.

For the royal matchmakers, it hardly seemed a disaster at first. They had long lists of potential princesses, all daughters of Japanese nobility, wealth or the educated elite. By one count, the search team had compiled dossiers on nearly 200 women, each with a photo. Certainly, they thought, Naruhito would hit it off with one of them.

But he did not. With each passing year, fears grew that his failure to marry might jeopardize the monarchy. The talk only intensified after 1989, when Akihito assumed the throne, making his son the new crown prince.

It did not help that Naruhito’s younger brother, Akishino, who had impulsively proposed to his college sweetheart at a Tokyo crosswalk, married her in 1990. The chamberlains had wanted him to let his brother marry first. Apparently, he got tired of waiting.

He wasn’t alone. The entire country seemed impatient. One newspaper declared in 1991 that “the biggest concern of the people is the marriage issue.” Reporters chased after potential princesses. But Naruhito never appeared in public on so much as a date. (He did once meet Brooke Shields.)

A tabloid published digitally altered photos of Naruhito sporting different hairstyles, suggesting his coiffure was too nerdy to attract a wife. Others thought he might be too dull, noting the title of his Oxford thesis, “The Thames as Highway: A Study of Navigation and Traffic on the Upper Thames in the 18th Century.”

Pressed by reporters, Naruhito insisted he had no interest in his future wife’s family pedigree, nor in what schools she had attended or even her height. (The chamberlains wanted a princess shorter than the 5-foot-4 prince.)

What he was looking for, he said, was someone who shared his values; who appreciated beauty, not baubles from Tiffany’s; who got along easily with people, and who was willing to express her opinions, “when necessary.”

Most of all, he said, he wanted to choose his own bride.

Emperor Akihito urged patience. “I think it’s important to watch it quietly,” he told reporters when asked if he was worried about his son.

What was unclear at the time, but later became the stuff of royal legend, was that all along Naruhito was holding out for a woman who fit the glass slipper: Masako Owada.

In many ways, she was an unlikely princess. She had spent half her childhood abroad, spoke at least four languages and had graduated from an American public high school before studying economics at Harvard. She was also slightly taller than the prince.

Most of all, she had a career, which no previous Japanese crown princess ever had. Since returning to Tokyo in 1990, Ms. Owada had risen swiftly in the Foreign Ministry, where she was known for putting in long hours — sometimes all-nighters — defending Japan’s trade practices in talks with Washington.

None of that deterred Naruhito. If Ms. Owada was not interested, he told court officials, he might not marry at all.

By the spring of 1992, a scramble to persuade Ms. Owada to go on a date with Naruhito was underway. Various diplomats were enlisted in the effort, eventually including Ms. Owada’s father, a senior official in the Foreign Ministry.

How could she still say no? Ms. Owada agreed to tea with the prince. It must have gone well, because less than two months later, they met again, this time at an imperial duck pond. Naruhito, who was 32, proposed.

Ms. Owada asked for time to think.

Accepting meant giving up her career for a life of severe constraints. It was well known that Empress Michiko, the last crown princess, had once suffered a breakdown attributed to bullying by her mother-in-law and others who resented her commoner roots.

But Ms. Owada was 28 and knew she might soon have to choose between career and family even if she declined. An overseas posting was approaching, perhaps an ambassadorship, and in Japan, that would sharply reduce her marriage prospects.

Before year’s end, she told the prince yes.

When they announced the engagement, she recalled that he had assured her, “I will protect you for my entire life.”

If only she knew what she needed protection from.

Makiko Inoue contributed reporting.

#asia aviation news #asia deal news #asia e news #asia news lion air #news asia drama #star asia news youtube

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learninghowtocook · 7 years ago

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really long update on my life

Hey little chefs!

Thanks so much for sticking with me through sporadic posting and finally getting this blog to over 1k! This has been quite the year so if any of you all are interested, read on! There are cute pictures so I encourage it

(It’s quite long so I’ve made it a read more so it won’t clog up your dash)

1. I mean I guess I should start with….my nephew was born! I promise I won’t post a bazillion pictures of him on this post (or in the future because we all know how annoying that can get)

Look at that sly little grin haha

2. I guess I should do some food related stuff because this is a food blog…on Chinese New Year we had our annual get together, but everyone except my mom was sick so she didn’t have any help. So she made a couple dishes and got some takeout from Panda Express and we called it good!

3. My wonderful dog and best friend of 12 years was put down. He’d been battling cancer for a while and we only expected him to make it a few months after he was diagnosed. But he was a tough old dog and fought the good fight for six or seven months. One of the best Christmas presents was getting to spend it with him. Here is one of the last pictures I have of him. He had trouble walking so we put little socks with sticky pads on his paws.

4. School has been INSANE! Last fall semester I dissected a human cadaver! That was an amazing experience (in the least creepy way possible) even though I was frequently in lab until 2 am and basically had no life because I was there 30+ hours a week. This past spring semester, I took 21 credits and worked 3 jobs and finished my honors thesis so I still didn’t have a life. Oh well, one more semester until graduation!

(the weird play-doh thing is a clay thalamus we made)

5.This summer I went to Nicaragua with the Global Medical Brigades. There, we set up a mobile clinic and built a sanitation station which included a sink, shower, and toilet for a family (they had the cutest pigs!). The place we stayed was incredibly beautiful!

6. I volunteered at camp for kids with cancer and their siblings. The camper I was paired with was hilarious and so much fun to be with! It was such a great experience and I can’t wait to volunteer next year!

7. My little brother graduated high school! I tagged along to his orientation at Miami University (in Oxford, Ohio if that isn’t confusing enough) and wow is that campus goooorgeous!

8. Other random things I’ve been up to this summer include crashing a wedding and rescuing a little bunny after it fell down the window well.

And finally, my brother disposed of a dead bird in our bird bath using chopsticks (showing off his chinese heritage) and asked me to take a picture he wants to be titled “Sack Lunch.” So here is that masterpiece

Well cheers to anyone that actually read all of this! I’d love to hear about your lives and cooking adventures!

-Meghan

#dear little chefs #from meghan #my food #not a recipe #nicaragua #global medical brigades #miami university #sack lunch #biology #colorado state university #anatomy #dissection

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homemadelarry · 8 years ago

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I was tagged by @crosstheuniverse and @alwaysyouinmyheart to post my lock screen, home screen, the last song I listened to and the last selfie I took! Thank youuuuu I love this stuff 💕

The lock screen is a picture of my thesis and my laurel wreath (because I graduated not even two months ago and I’m still emo about it)  On the home screen there’s a picture I took (last spring while I was on erasmus) inside the Tatra National Park in Poland and it’s the path to one of the main tourist attractions there, Morskie Oko.  The last song I listened to is Nancy Mulligan by my main man Ed Sheeran because I’m still listening to his new album on repeat! 💙  And lastly the selfie! I took it last week while I was visiting Florence with my mates (and I HATE that it is not vertical like the other pictures, it makes me so mad. But we won’t talk about that)

I tag @louisandjade, @nasalouis, @nancy-mullingan, @louisbiased and @flyingsebadas! I have no idea who has already done this so pardon me if you have!! And as always you’re not obligated to do this if you don’t want to 💞

#this post is basically an emotional mess #1. best day of my life: my graduation #2. best experience of my life: erasmus #3. one of my favorite songs off of ed's new album #4. last (decent) selfie I took while visiting one of my favorite cities in Italy for the first time (which was always a dream of mine)#I've been talking a lot wow I'm going to stop now #if you are still reading this - have a GREAT day xxxxxxx #about me #my face

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pbandjesse · 8 years ago

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I just made the most beautiful lasagna. I didn’t take a picture because I was really hungry but man it was pretty. Today has been mainly focused on food. I didn’t make it to my studio to work but I'm okay with that. Today was still nice but I am hella tired. I'm hoping I will be able to sleep easy.

I slept pretty well last night. I got woken up at 6 by a bunch of fire trucks outside. And then sweetP bit my ankle. But I slept for another hour anyway. I woke up and got dressed and was very cold. I don’t normally like this turtle neck sweater but it was a life saver today. Very warm. My makeup was real cute but my nailpolish looked terrible. I tried to do it last night before bed but it wasn’t dry enough so it had little hair prints in it and was so gross looking. I had to rush but I was able to take it off and put on some new stuff right before I had to leave for work.

I quickly headed into work. I was planning on chatting with Don about thesis stuff and working on stuff. But when I got to work Don wasn’t there. And Anders didn’t know why and I was just full of anxiety over it. Why wasn’t Don there? Was he alright? I sent him an email because we were supposed to get together tomorrow but no answer. I spent the morning reading and cleaning the shop. Suyao was in working on her project and lamenting about how much time sculpture takes. I think she found a new appreciation for it. Her work looks baller though so I'm pretty pumped to see it come together.

Michaela came to visit me and lament about people bring rude and grown up post grad jobs. It was nice to have a friendly face come talk to me.

Meagan came in and told us that Don was away because he was picking up his son from college for spring break! Well that made me feel better. But it also threw off my plans because we were supposed to go shop tomorrow but its alright. I don’t mind putting it off. The rest of the morning was mostly chill. A few people working. They replaced the lights on the metals end of the shop and its weirdly bright now. Theresa had a half fever and was confused about how warm it was outside. I wore my glasses and was better for it. I really need to remember to wear them consistently because it really helps with my head. I'm working on it.

Ashlyn was coming to pick me up at 2 so I sat in the lobby and waited for her. I always forget how teeny tiny her car is. We drove over to the why world house to pick up my art. We had to figure out how to get inside and went on a funny little scavenger hunt but then someone just opened the door for us. We got my pieces and headed out.

We were bother hungry and were going to go to revery but then I remerbed we had talked about going to Rose Street so we took the 20 minute drive around the lake there. I bought lunch to say thank you to Ashlyn for being my friend and stuff. We got BLT’s (okay mine was an ALT) and pretty desserts. It was really good and I had a lot of fun talking about art and femininity in boys and babies and marriage and moving. We walked over to the bookstore next to look at the animals they keep. We didn’t see the chicken but we did see the other birds which I enjoyed.

It was mostly just really nice to spend time with my buddy. She said she would help clean out my studio when Jess comes to visit before graduation. We went and dropped off my art and Ashlyn took me home.

I had things I still needed to do. pick up my prescription because I had to move it to the cub since CVS doesn’t take my insurance anymore. And I needed groceries honestly. So I took the long bus up there. Got everything I needed to make a few good things. Got so much cat food. And headed home.

When I got back here I changed. Found my kitchen light burnt out and icant reach it. And my hot water is off for whatever reason. But my lasagna was great and sweetP is cuddled up on my arm. So it’s a pretty great day.

Tomorrow I have to run back to the dermatologist for them to look at my arm for that tb test. Then I'm going to go over to target to look at bathing suits. I think Ill spend the afternoon working in my studio and then tomorrow night I have tickets to see a show at the walker. I hope it’s a good one, I don’t know anything about it.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Have nice dreams.

#ootd #food #friend #bird #good day #work #fun #happy #tired #wensday

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recentanimenews · 5 years ago

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Life Under State of Emergency: Kyoto and Sendai

A lonely Hachiko at midday (Photo: Daryl Harding)

After looking at how the State of Emergency in Japan has affected voice acting in anime, we wanted to highlight some stories from people living all over Japan, how they are coping with the current coronavirus (COVID-19) lockdown, and their thoughts on the situation.

In this two-part feature, we will focus on four people from four different areas of Japan, from Japanese citizens and foreigners living in the country, to get their perspective and feelings on how the “lockdown” is affecting them.

(Note: All answers have been edited down for clarity.)

In Japan’s Old Capital of Kyoto

Kyoto last November (Photo: Daryl Harding)

I first spoke with Matthew Li from New York, who works as a social media marketer and producer for OtakuVS, an anime streetwear brand and YouTube channel, from his home in Kyoto.

First, how are you doing in the “lockdown,” even though it’s not technically a lockdown?

I live in Kyoto, so the “rules of the lockdown” might differ from Tokyo's rules. I can say that most of the city streets have emptied out and a majority of stores and restaurants are closed temporarily. To me, it's a good thing as it gives almost no incentives for tourists to visit or for locals to hang out in large groups.

How has the quarantine affected you personally?

I'm someone who likes to eat out, shop for clothes, and go to concerts, so the quarantine has affected my social life quite a bit. I had a lot of plans to travel around Kansai and Japan before the State of Emergency, but of course, all of that has been postponed. However, staying home has helped me keep productive on my hobbies, such as writing scripts.

What about professionally?

In Japan, I'm mostly working on marketing and production for OtakuVS right now. Since most of the stuff on OtakuVS is done digitally and from home, not much of it has changed apart from some scheduling.

Was there anything you were looking forward to that has now been canceled?

So many plans have been canceled or postponed, which of course doesn't feel great. I had booked a concert for the peggies (who sang the ending theme “Stand by Me” for Sarazanmai) in May, which is canceled. I was also hoping to go to Summer Sonic in Osaka in August though that probably isn't going to happen either. I'm sure many people have had bigger life milestones they've had to cancel though, so I always remind myself that I'm relatively lucky.

Is there anything you’ve started to do because of the lockdown?

I started reading a lot of news on the coronavirus, which maybe isn't the most healthy habit to pick up ...

What are you using to cope with being forced to stay inside?

I've been spending a good amount of my time on my backlog on films and catching up on manga like The Quintessential Quintuplets and Komi Can't Communicate. As for anime, I haven't been interested in many shows recently besides KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR, which will always win my heart.

How has your neighborhood/town changed?

My neighborhood has always been pretty sleepy since it's residential, so it doesn't feel any different.

What are you looking forward to once everything is over?

I'm looking forward to seeing my friends, eating out, and traveling again.

How do you feel about Japan’s response to the pandemic?

I think Japan's response has been very weak thus far. It seems to me that many politicians don't want to take responsibility for an economic downturn or to force change in the work culture here, but it's come to the point where decisions are being made too late. Japan's rate of testing is terrifyingly low in comparison with its neighbors, South Korea, and Taiwan, which has allowed the virus to spread at a growing pace. I don't think Japan will become another Italy or New York, but it's definitely not going to have an easy time in the coming weeks.

Sleepy Areas of Sendai

I then spoke to Takazuki, an avid fan of the Naoko Yamada anime film Liz and the Blue Bird and an international student that has been studying in Japan for nearly 4 years in the city of Sendai in Miyagi Prefecture.

Firstly, how are you doing in the “lockdown,” even though it’s not technically a lockdown?

I live in Sendai, and each day feels like cases are getting worse after the Olympic flame was displayed in Miyagi prefecture. Although it’s not a big city, a lot of retail chains were closed.

How has the quarantine affected you personally?

It stressed me out immensely at the start due to the thoughts of it greatly affecting my career, but I’m slowly getting by. I’m fluctuating in my mental health and good physical health but slowly getting used to this quarantine lifestyle.

What about professionally?

This was my biggest worry in this pandemic. I major in STEM (research-focused); now I am unable to take samples and do research in my lab. This is my last year, so I am afraid I couldn’t graduate.

International students here start their semester in Fall instead of Spring, unlike the Japanese students. I may have to change my thesis despite being halfway done and focus on write-ups and analysis instead.

Was there anything you were looking forward to that has now been canceled?

I was planning to visit Kyoto before Spring Break ended to attend a doujin event, do an anime pilgrimage, visit the KyoAni & Do shop and simply relax. I also wanted to visit the famous Agata Festival in Uji before I graduate, but I don’t think this pandemic will end before I’m able to graduate.

I also attend a lot of anime events. I had won tickets for the Sound! Euphonium concert, AZALEA live, ReoNa tour, Sword Art Online Orchestra concert, and applied for many more, but all of those events either got canceled or postponed. I was also looking forward to going to the Akita Pride March, and this season’s fantastic TV anime and movie lineup.

Is there anything you’ve started to do because of the lockdown?

I’ve recently started playing games. It’s something I’ve not done in years because university and attending events have kept me busy. Been exercising a lot more too.

What are you using to cope with being forced to stay inside?

Liz and the Blue Bird. It’s an anime movie that’s keeping me sane. I can watch it multiple times and still have fun analyzing it. I’m not too caught up with seasonal anime (though they’re mostly postponed anyway), so I ended up watching more old anime for nostalgia. I haven’t touched JRPG in seven years because they usually take more than 80 hours, so I took this chance to play games like Tales of Vesperia.

Taka's shrine to Liz and the Blue Bird and Sound! Euphonium

How has your neighborhood/town changed?

Nothing changed much at Level 3 warning in early April [when the State of Emergency was called, though Miyagi wasn’t on the initial list]. People were still going to the lab, as usual, we were more afraid of not going to work and felt guilty for staying home due to the work culture.

[Note: The levels refer to Taka’s university internal system of ranking the pandemic. Level 4 refers to the State of Emergency declaration.]

As of writing, there are still some people out in Sendai in some areas but I’ve never seen it this empty, except during the New Year period, and when I go out for karaoke with friends until 3 or 4 AM until early in the morning, a common practice in Japan.

What are you looking forward to once everything is over?

Karaoke with friends, meeting my favorite author and voice actors, going to events again, and anime pilgrimages. I’m also working on a collaboration with Japanese fans of Sound! Euphonium for a certain event.

How do you feel about Japan’s response to the pandemic?

Definitely not pleased, they could’ve done so much better. A lot of people think Japan is a utopia, but it’s just like any other country. Perhaps that’s why everyone expected better.

Even at Level 3, some people are still doing sampling and come to the lab every day, hold meetings (not online), and conduct experiments. I was shocked at how there is no sense of urgency not just by the government, but by the citizens as well. It took Sendai to Level 4 (out of 5) to realize that this pandemic is not to be treated lightly.

Any other stories you’d like to tell?

I had to be quarantined for more than a month because I was in a certain area. When I’m finally no longer under supervision, I was able to check out the cherry blossoms around my quiet neighborhood and go downtown to finally grab some McDonald’s that I’d been craving. McDonald’s is good enough for me to survive …

Unlike Tokyo or any other countries like Indonesia, there aren’t that many delivery services like UberEats in Sendai. The Konbini is my life savior, it is my best friend.

Thank you to both Matthew and Taka for talking to us and sharing their stories in this troubling time. You can find Matthew’s work at OtakuVS, and find Taka on Twitter at @takasakinozomi, where she talks a lot about Liz and the Blue Bird.

If you or someone who know is living in Japan, coronavirus-based English resources are available at NHK World Japan.

Daryl Harding is a Japan Correspondent for Crunchyroll News. He also runs the YouTube channel about Japan stuff called TheDoctorDazza, tweets at @DoctorDazza, and posts photos of his travels on Instagram.

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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