#gotham lgbt bar i will be seeing you next year

[actuallyredrobin]

pausing mid fistfight to do the HOT TO GO dance

[lumikinetic]

It's me, back with another DC Headcanon

This time, imagine an AU where, when all the heroes and villains are old, they retire and go legit but in their respective fields. If people aren’t on here, I either couldn’t think of something for them or I don’t like them.

Batman: Bruce uses Wayne Enterprises to open a whole bunch of stuff he used to become Batman. Opens a gym, yoga and meditation classes, funds criminology, psychology and chemistry courses at Gotham U, everything.

Nightwing: With funding from Bruce, he opens an acrobatics class and all the new students flip their shit at this like 70 year old man swinging from a trapeze 50 feet up with the grace of a swan and balance of a flamingo.

Oracle: I’m not really sure what Barbara would do once she’s retired to be honest, there’s so much. I quite like the idea of her being a college professor who teaches Sociology, but I think she might also teach martial arts for girls of all ages, perhaps co-run with Dinah. Or maybe join the GCPD where she eventually works her way up to Commissioner. One of those, I like college professor the most.

Red Hood: Jason, on his own, opens a gun store but with Bruce Funding, also purchases and renovates Ma Gunn’s Home For Wayward Boys. He’s also a part-time public speaker who goes around elementary schools giving lectures on gun violence.

Red Robin: Franchises with Starbucks then uses the money to open his own coffee shop and also a mattress store. DC, I’m begging you, let my trash son sleep, he needs it.

Spoiler: Stephanie starts her own fashion line called Purple Rain (yes, like the Prince song). It sells a bit of everything but the main focus is fitness clothing.

Robin: Obviously Damian opens a zoo. Did you expect anything less?

Black Bat: So I’m imagining all the Batkids are in their late 50s to early 70s so I think by this point Cassandra would have learned a few languages and she teaches kids all over the world how to speak as well as opening ballet classes in Gotham.

Signal: I don’t know a whole lot about Duke but I think he would have become a stand-up comedian, I could see him on a bar stage, telling just absolute brilliant jokes. And like, he'd reveal his identity to the public and just tell hilarious stories about working with the Batfamily

Catwoman: She'd sell all the jewellery she's stolen over the years and use the money to buy a beachfront mansion, and live out the rest of her days under the sun. Imagine John Mulaney pointing at Selina's retired life and going "this is the height of luxury!"

Alfred: I should like to think Alfred bought a plot of land and turned it into a park. It's got a big hill and he put a bench on top of it and he sat there twice a day - once to watch the sunrise and once to watch the sunset. Poison Ivy visited him sometimes and they talked about tending to plants. Alfred managed to live to 102 before passing away peacefully in his sleep.

Batwoman: Kate and Bruce were one of the last ones to retire from hero work before passing their mantles to younger generations. When she settled down, similar to Bruce, she used her wealth to open various chains and stuff, but instead of things people could use to become the next Batwoman, her franchises were more leisure focused. A string of gay nightclubs, restaurants, clothing stores where she sells Stephanie’s fashion line, things like that.

Huntress: I don’t know what Helena would do. Something religious based would be an obvious choice but I feel like she could do more. Open a restaurant maybe?

Julia: Julia moves back to London and opens a bat-themed bar.

Joker: The realisation kind of dawns on him that the end is fast approaching as he sees Batman and his kids get older and older, and it offers him just a touch of clarity. He lives the rest of his years killing Nazis as a sort of atonement and he dies in his 90s alone, but not quite as unloved as he would have been 60 years ago.

Scarecrow: Jonathan changes his identity and gets plastic surgery, taking up a professor position teaching psychology.

Bane: Bane opens up a gym and you bet he is absolutely a White Goodman type character. “Motivating” all his patrons through yelling at them via video on TVs all over the place.

Poison Ivy: Well of course she opens a flower shop! She builds a reputation as “nice old plant lady down the street” and everyone knows she’s the BEST for wedding flower arrangements. Occasionally she’ll give a tulip or a bluebell to a little girl who came into the shop that day.

Harley Quinn: Harley opens a kids’ party store right across the street from Ivy’s flower shop, and she’s just an absolute joy with the children, if a little inappropriate at times. They smile at each other through their shop windows from time to time.

Deathstroke and Deadshot: Open a military store together where all new recruits can buy basic supplies such as apparel, equipment, sewing kits (for the badges) and stuff. Deathstroke also runs a support group for vets and a advice group for rookies.

Ravager: Rose gets a job as a bartender at one of Kate’s nightclubs, eventually ending up running the place.

Riddler: Opens a store that sells all kinds on brain trivia stuff. Scrabble, Sudoku notepads, math books and equipment for school, puzzle based videogames, just everything.

Mr. Freeze, Captain Cold and Killer Frost: They buy Ace Chemicals, clean it out, clear everything, renovate it, get new equipment and turn it into an ice cream factory.

Superman and Lois: I think it’d be nice if they open a bookstore/coffee shop together.

Supergirl: I’m super into the idea that Kara is a fucking amazing cook and she comes onto the culinary scene and she does n o t stop. She’s always coming up with these crazy dishes and she actually has two houses, one where she lives and one that is basically just a kitchen where she experiments with food.

Superboy: Comic artist. You can’t change my mind.

Green Arrow: Archery store.

Black Canary: Record store.

Hawkman and Hawkgirl: They’d open a store that sells flight supplies. Parachutes, paragliders, hang gliders, hot air balloon rentals, stuff like that.

Aquaman: Water park

Aqualad: Kaldur would open a recreation centre for LGBT youths who are treated poorly in their home, so they have a place to stay for a little while at least. He’s joined with Jason’s orphanage so that he can call the police on the kids’ parents and give them a place to stay.

Starfire: Beach resort hotel

Condiment King: Diner

Wonder Woman: It’s always been a favourite headcanon of mine that Diana is secretly a MASSIVE nerd, and she opens a Forbidden Planet/D&D/LARPing store, and she takes it sooooo seriously. She crafts all the cosplay weapons herself and recommends good starter campaign books for tabletop games and she makes custom dice, gives GM tips, and holds and participates in various D&D nights for all the new heroes who are fighting crime these days (she is absolutely a gnome druid, fight me) and it’s the best.

Artemis: She also opens a bookstore, but it is specifically aimed at Egyptian and Greek mythology. Her usual patrons are college kids with their History and Ancient Civilisations papers, and when parents come in with their little kids, she tells stories about the gods and she absolutely relishes that little twinkle in their eyes.

Maggie Sawyer: After retiring as Commissioner, she trains the new police recruits. Every time new recruits come in at least 3 go, “heyyyyy, aren’t you married to that Kane lady?”

Every time.

That’s the best I can do. Tack on any more you can think of.