#got this off a blog i was blocking and the Ancestor thing kinda got me lmao
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This is Porter's energy to me
#got this off a blog i was blocking and the Ancestor thing kinda got me lmao#i know that i am safe in this world because i keep the Conquest Goddess and the Warriors of my Ancestral line with me every day of my life#and my 2 headed warhammer rage/smite#sure sure he's not rly keeping god by his side he's becoming a god but wtv. shj#fhjy#fantasy high#dimension 20#porter cliffbreaker#i do rly want ppl to see this one lol
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Close Enough Season 2 Review! or Josh Murders About 10 People
It's been hard to put into words just how wonderful a surprise this season getting released this month was. For starters before JG Quintel announced it last year shortly after season 1, I honestly was convinced season 2 wasn't happened. Do NOT get me wrong, Season 1 of Close Enough was one of the best parts of last year: It was funny, had a lot of heart, a great voice cast, and a great cast of characters that was throughly likeable and broke sitcom stereotypes, having a doofy husband and more straight laced wife with layers who clearly love and respect each other and BOTH can be prone to taking things too far instead of JUST Josh screwing up. Add in two great fellow leads Bridgette and Alex played by two of my faviorite va's, Kimiko Glen and Jason Mantzokus, whose name I finally learned how to spell, an adorable daughter and neat but out of focus neighbors and supors pearle and randy, and the show was just damn near perfect and felt like an improvement on regular show, taking the same humor and animation style but to an older cast and audience with more nuanced and likeable characters, and far more character development per episode. I wanted to see where the show would go.. but I was convinced given the show was leftover inventory from an animation block that never happened held over to give HBO Max some content it'd be canceled after one season, because I can't have nice things. But....
And very happily so: JG Quintel revealed the show had been picked up for season 2 not long after season 1 dropped, having listned to fans. As it turns out though they hadn't.. they just had a ton of faith in the show as I got ANOTHER bombshell earlier this month. While the show had showed up on the schedule for this month late in January, with no release date on said schedule, I wasn't 100% sure the show was coming back this month or that it wasn't just an error. But once again, I was wrong, it was earth all along, and they merely saved it for the press release for their adult animation lineup: alongside the huge and welcome bombshell they were the ones picking up the Clone High reboot and for two seasons, Close enough not only got two more seasons publicly announced, but fimrly revealed season 2 launched February 25th. LIke they likely had with infinity train the show was quitely picked up for another season, and they simply waited to announce it till the right time. Though unlike infinity train, they had faith in it to become a big hit and while they SHOULD HAVE with infinity train and should've accepted it was already a big hit simply not with the target demographic, it's still nice to see that after all it went through Close Enough not only got renewed but is now the network's flagship adult animated show, closely tied with harley quinn, and will likely go on as long as it wants to.
So naturally given I reviewed all of season 1 in the hopes i'td get renewed, I was happy to make room for season 2 and continue covering it and over the moon it was happening so soon. However I'm doing things diffrently this time: instead of flooding the tag with individual longform reviews, i'm reviewing the season all one go, to see if this format could work for me as I have tons of other shows i'd love to cover in this format that are either heavily comedic like say the Great North, regular show or the simpsons and thus dont' lend themselves to riffing as much and leave me less to do per episode, or more seralized shows like she ra or ones that are entirely complete like Steven Universe or Gravity falls that I could cover alone but this format could help expidite covering. Gravity Falls is also one of my patreon stretch goals if your instrested as is a whole lot of ducktales stuff, link on my blog. It also works with my much larger workload with a much tighter schedule, 6 reviews a week with a flex day in case I get behind so everything comes out as good as it posisbly can be, versus my original method of...
TLDR: One big post with smaller reviews each episode and an overall coverage of what changed this season and how good it is as a whole. We good? Good, then join me under the cut for some delightful sentient presents, couch ghosts, and jim fucking crunch as we get close enough to the heart.
I will never get tired of that image. I want it blown up and put on a banner at my funeral. But death plans aside let's get into the season
Slight Tweaks to a Great Formula: Given it's slice of life format based largely around likeable multi layered characters in comedic absurdity, not a lot has changed nor did it need to. What has are just simple tweaks to make things even better. For starters a natural result of getting to the episodes now produced directly for the 11 minute format means the pacing is much focused, subbing in full subplots for the occasional runner instead, and often only using what characters the episode needs. It will use the main five often, but the lack of subplots for the most part allows stronger focus on one or two characters to give the stories added weight and nuance and often laughs. While i'll always love season 1, this allows for much tighter stories and allows for everyone to get some major screen time instead of mostly Josh and Emily in season 1. It does mean we sadly get less of my boy Alex per episode but it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make if it means the show can grow and take more risks and evolve naturally. Though the former probably wasn't help by two of his three episodes being kinda weak, but i'll get to that.
The other noticeable change is Pearle and Randy. While they were promoted as main characters, even getting profiles along with the rest, they were in practice recurring characters in season 1, showing up pretty frequently but with only one starring episode for Randy and none for Pearle. And givne Pearle has an interesting backstory as a cop who likely had to put up with a LOT being a black woman officer, as well as raising a white redneck, while also being hilarious and having a fun energy to her, I felt they kinda wasted her in season 1.
Here though? Both have been bumped up to main cast proper, getting two focus episodes a piece (compared to the other main adults each getting three, some of those shared, and Candace getting one, hopefully more in the future as it was really good, along with, to my delight, mr.cambell also getting one), appearing far more in supporting roles and generally showing up with the main group a lot more. They still don't hang out with our loveable family all the time, but it makes sense as they have their own apartment and stuff to deal with, but it feels far more like their part of the main group. The show always treated them like this mine, but showing up more makes their friendships with their tenants feel more genuine, as it feels like their part of their lives more, whlie having their own to deal with we get to see now.
So while the series didn't change much, as I said it didn't need to and all of this is stuff is the kind of thing I wanted, especially Pearle getting a larger role and Randy being fleshed out from a dollar store version of muscle man into his own similar but difference character, and i'm happy to have it. So now i've talked about how the seasons' changed, let's talk about the episodes themselves. Grab a snack this is going to take a bit.
The Episodes!:
Josh Gets Shredded:Ā
Our premier and honestly it's a solid one with a singular premise on poking fun at gym culture, though in a nice twist Jim Crunch, the guy who runs the Gym Josh ends up going to to strengthen his core to play with Candace and whose voiced wonderfully by Kevin Michael Richardson is a genuinely good guy and there's no horrifying twist with him. He just wants Josh to get ripped and dosen't know his training is keeping josh from candace. IT's a simple setup of a father doing something for his daughter but getting distracted by it and while not new it works well here and we get plenty of fun gym jokes, including an exchange from Jim and Josh when Josh wants to become an "absolute unit", which in this case ends up meaning turning into the hulk but with the glowing firey eyes of an angry god, feels like it came straight out of the hockey bros from letterkenny, which is a good feeling to have. There's also a nice setup with Candace wanting to play king kong with Josh due to seeing it in class (Specially the Peter Jackson remake, also Candace knows who jack black is which I buy because of who her daddy is. I wouldnāt be surprised if Josh had Saving Silverman on a loop for several days until emily threw it out the window like a frisbee. ), which kicks off the whole thing.. and ends with ultra instinct hulk josh taking her to the top of a building and swatting away helicopters. Itās more of an average episode for the series and the runner about Emily being REALLY hot for buff josh comes off as a weaker version of the plot from family guy where Lois likes a thinner peter, apart from one inspired bit where in order to talk to him about candace without getting distracted, Emily pours an entire bag of ice down her pants.. and subtly after Josh talks about becoming an absolute unit, itās gone nad rather than animation I like to believe it melted. Still a decent start to a great season.Ā
Meet the Frackers: A Randy Spotlight episode and unlike his season one episode rather than be a subplot in another episode itās a full episode about him. And the starting incident is great as the gang gets their ancestry results back from costco, with Emily and Bridgette having ancestors in Guadalajara and Kiyoto.. and Josh being white (āCan you believe it?ā). Alex coming from a long line of creeps is also pretty funny, those are his actual results by the way.Ā
But what the episodes truly about is Randy finding out his parents are alive in Malibu after Pearle claimed they were dead when he was a kid. She had a very good reason though: Randyās parents were serial gas thieves, and Pearle nearly caught them one night with the two chucking him at her to escape. And to her credit Pearle TRIED to reach out to them once they ended up in jail for their crimes.. but they again chucked him at her which is hilarious. She simply didnāt want him to feel abandoned. He instead feels betrayed.Ā
His parents are hilariously white trash and played by two faviorite vaās of mine, David Kochner and Wendy Malick, who iām happy is finally playing a lead roll on Owl House. They drink redneck maragretihas and eat mcribs (As Randy puts itĀ āGodās favorite sandwich!ā) every day and still steal gas, just legally now as frackers. Naturally though the two are still assholes and soon use a carnival as a cover to illegally frack and itās up to Randy an dhis real mom to stop them> Itās a touching story with Randy genuinely wanting to hlep his mom, though I feel it wouldāve been more interesting if Randyās parents hadnāt been scum an dhe had to genuinely deal with having three parents now. Still it was worth it for some great lines from Malick and Kochner , so it works. Decent ep.Ā
Sauceface: Now we come to both one of the best eps of the season, and the series so far, and one of itās most unique as it stars Candace and dosenāt feature the other main cast hardly at all, only Emily who kicks things off by, in a great bit, breaking Candaceās illusion their rich asĀ āthey live in a castle with alex and bridgetteā, with her slowly realizingĀ āWere poorā. Which is just a very kid thing to think that your parents are rich when they very much arenāt.Ā
But the episode really is a crime boss parody story, as the title would imply as Candace and her best friend start selling hot sauce, which is banned from the school due to itās political correctness having gone mad and it being offensive toĀ āsensitive palatesā (Theyāve also banned general tsoās chicken for mitlarialism and everything bagels for beingĀ ātoo muchā). This leads where youād expect: Candace getting drunk with power and forgetting why theys tarted, wet willies, and an art room brawl, all leading to candaceās friend getting pinched and candace having to use the money to buy Mr. Cambell a pelaton to get him off their backs, which leads to this lovely exchangeĀ āYOur letting them off just because they bought you a present?āĀ āThis is a 2000 dollar bikeā. We also get the subtle reveal Mr. Cambell is gay which given how straight the main cast is, is nice.Ā But this was a great one with too many good gags to mention, a great setup, a great rolling stones song played during the montage I do not know the name of, and I hope we get other candace advnetures at her school in the future, because this was a real delight. Again one of the best episodes of the season.Ā
The House Guest From Hell: Speaking of best episodes, this is probably the best pairing of episodes yet, as both are standouts of the season.Ā
Emilyās old friend Becca drops back into her life, to everyoneās annoyance as Becca is an utter leech who constantly take advantage of Emilyās lack of boundaries with her to constantly talk about whatever drama sheās wrapped herself in and mooch off her. Josh and Bridgette want her to set firm boundaries, but Emily fails to and instead only gets Becca to set boundaries with her boyfriend.. which leads to her moving into the apartment temporarily, and annoying the hell out of everyone. Becca is a great character, being that asshole in the most over the top and annoying way possible, to the point she takes alexās room, watches tv on a loop and doesnāt seem to realize Emily is married (Despite being part of her bridal party), or that candace is Emilyās daughter and not a tiny butler (Which Candace assumes is a game. )
Naturally for this show things escalate hilariously as Emily finds out sheās pregnant when she tries to throw her out and the pregnancy is escalated.. and we soon find out itās because the pregnancy is demonic: She has Hecate as her dula (And Alex naturally asks if sheās single, get it guy get it), needs goats hoves, locusts and the blood of the innocent (Which is the only item that trips josh up who hopes they can get it at costco, which made me have to pause as I could not stop laughing). This would be funny enough. .but what takes it into making this episode a classic is when Emily tricks her boyfriend Luke over heās unsurprisingly a devil.. but also a hilariously over the top douchebag dudebro played by BeckĀ Bennet, who itās not only nice to see outside of ducktales, but is also just totally game. Luke is so odious it wraps around to being funny, to the point he unsurprisingly hits on Bridgette while his girlfriend is in labor, messily makes out with her and they try to move in, though thankfully Emily cathartically screams Becca out midbirth. Also they end up going to hell, with Luke getting there by doing donuts. Yes really. This episode is a treasure and does the series schitck of taking a relatable problem and escalating it to perfection.Ā
Joint Break:
Another unsurprisingly good one, as Pearle deals with the fact that despite her decades of service, the forceās health plan doesnāt cover her needed hip surgery after she slides over a car wrong (Which also leads to a great riff on the old csi Miami parody). She then finds herself between her oath as an officer and her needs for help as she befriends a gang of saucy old women at water aerobics who are also bank robbers and want to cut her in. And they provide a tempting offer, getting what their owed and ti feels like a genuine dilemma, even if Pearle ends up siding with the police, not that she should. Itās also full of great bits of the old lady gang weaponizing stereotypes about old people, with the three of them dawning classic old lady getups to fool an officer, and having one of them i a walker slowly cross the street to stop an armored truck. Fun stuff helped by their leader being voiced by Jane Lynch, continuing this seasonās red hot guest star streak, not that the series has ever been light on them (They got David Hasselhoff and weird al in season 1, so yeah), but this season ramps up the good guest voices to the point thereās one per episode almost.Ā
Cyber Matrix: This oneās okay though the setup is good. Unsurprisingly given both his dale gribble-esque penchant for conspiracies and his hipster holier than thou ways, Alex has never had a smart phone, and has a very old flip hone thatās horrifc to look at and naturally gets destroyed, leading to him getting addicted to the thing.. and this being the show it is fusing with it. What makes this one is the climax, as the rest of the main group scramble to take out the cell tower so Alexās phone doesnāt upload him to the cloud while Josha nd Alex open everything they can to slow her down. The result is the phone hacking Emilyās and ordering packages, task rabbits to punch her inthe face (With randy taking it so they can go) and outright hijacking a car in a clever chase. The ending though does sink this as suddenly their in veirutal reality again and it just feels weird given the series, while not really using continuity much so far, dosneāt have negavite continuity punch out endings outside of this one ep and I hope this dosenāt happen again. Otheriwse a decent one if sadly not one of Alexās best and he equally sadly onlyg ets one truly great episode this season, compared to having a good chunk of the best plots last season. Still you canāt win em all and iām sure my boy will return to form and said great episode, which weāll get to soon, certainly shows they didnāt loose their touch. They just fumbled a bit and thatās okay.Ā
Haunted Couch: Balancing that out is the fact that Bridgette, who didnāt get nearly as many good eps as Alex or as much focus as the rest, gets some great episodes this season with this one being my out and out favorite as it fleshes her out more and has some really great gags. Josh brings in a street couch (And he and Emilyās argument over it is great including him using the fact she forced them to get a savings account as leverage somehow), just as Bridgette is in emotional turmoil over her latest boyfriend suddenly ghosting her.Ā
Naturally she ends up falling for a REAL ghost, a french couch designer who had a habit of cheating on his lovers, died for it by one of their hands, and his soul ended up bound to the couch. Naturally hea nd Bridgette hit it off and we get a LOT of good stuff in a montage as the two take the couch everywhere, and her friends, minus Alex who surprisingly rather than being jealous, simply dosenāt like the fact thereās a ghost in the house technically haunting them which surprisingly goes nowhere, are happy for her and like him after the initial shock wears off, though Josh still wants to sit on the couch. He and Bridgette even have really good sex using Randyās body, with him being a willing vesel for Marcus. And iād just like to point out that an intensely weird comedy show that also has a sentient present, bob vila with saw hands, and dude bro satan in this very season, 2/3 of those to come.. STILL did this better than wonder woman 87, as they actually asked someone to let the ghost of the couple use his body so they could fuck, and he gave full consent to it. And no I sitll havenāt let that go, it was a very bad plotline with nightmarish implications and the fact close enough did it better in a joke, they also have the song from ghost in the background by the by, than a big budget movie from the same company, is a really large bilboard saying:
But while the episode was thoroughly interesting and funny.. itās what happens next that makes it one of the series best. While the series is amazing at comedy, itās the character growth slid in between it that makes it so awesome and this episode is a great example. Bridgette turns cold towards Marcus as itās clear heās serious, and heās even moved a tooth brush in. She gets more and more hostile until eventually Marcus calls her on it, and prevents her from leaving with a vortex of furniture.. which couldāve gone bad very quick but instead just means she has to face him.. and is hit with a rather painful relization when he asksĀ āDo you what me to, how you say, ghost you?ā (She explained the concept earlier). She says no.. but quickly a series of flashbacks puts the previous breakup in context as the guy she was seeing asked to leave a toothbrush, aĀ simple escalation and she got real nasty real quick without saying what the problem was. We see more of this with a previous boyfriend and hilaroiusly one before that guy who not only had a toothbrush in a ringbox but was also in a hot air ballon she casually cuts the anchors too and has float away. Which does mean Bridgette probably killed a man but thatās one compared to joshās 10 this season. Yes, 10. Weāll get to that.Ā
Point is she realizesĀ āoh shit iām the dickā, and has a genuine talk with Marcus, realizing why:Ā āYou know how women feign being submissive because societyās taught them to so they donāt get raped or murdered or kidnapped?āĀ āOuiā, best bit of the episode and damn if it aināt horribly true. But due to tha Bridgette simply got terrible quick to scare guys off when she really just wanted to break it off instead of take things further and breaks it off with marcus.. and is surprised and relieved when he doesnāt want a big fight and takes it acceptably, Marcus having grown from his past of being a women using cad and genuinely wanting to treat them better. For once Bridget gets to have an emotionally mature breakup with someone, and while you could say her relationship with alex is like that, itās very clear from an upcoming episode it wasnāt a very clean break at first and while their amicable now their marriage was a hot volcano of arguments. This allos Marcus to pass.. if also destroying the couch to Joshās misery. An instant classic and one of the seasonās highlights and one that really fleshes Bridgette out a bit by giving another reason for her relationships not working besides alex that fits the character perfectly and has her grow from it.Ā
Also just a quick sidenote, this episode vaguely reminded me of the Nightmare Time, theater troupe team starkidās zoomcast I highly recommend set in their hatchetfield multiverse, episodeĀ āJaneās a Carā , which is about a manās wife possessing his car and also involves an object. Both are very diffrent mind you, Janeās a Car ends up way more depressing, but itsā stil la story involving ghost fucking though Bridgette found a vesel instead of straight up fucking a couch the way tom went to town on that car. It also involves the leadās perosnal issues, if far more severe in Janeās a Carās case, reflected by their relationship with a ghost. I mean it is a stretch but these are the weird connectoins my brain makes and I mostly bring it up because anĀ upcoming episode in the season goes from kind of similar but only to me to very similar, and a very fun concidence that these two episodes existed in the same year, especially since this happened last year with this show and Ducktales. But first josh doing a murder on some people.Ā
Man Up:
Okay for starters the title man up reminds me of this short lived abc sitcom I never saw but given it was about three guys tapping into theirĀ āinner manā it sounds like aresnic somehow took the sentient form of a tv show. This actual poster for it not only proves the point but why it lasted one season if not why the hell I remembered this existed at all despite never seeing it, not recognizing anyone in it and not wanting anything to do with it.Ā
Given I have 8 more episodes to go after this one, I do not have time to disect all the way that poster is a waking nightmare, though iād love to, and instead iām going to talk abotu the episode itself. The intro is funny enough, with the Ramierz-Singletons going to a bank for Candaceās first bank account, the Bank of Hollywood. An alien seemingly attacks, it turns out to be a promotional stunt with high budget effects a great gag in of itself, but Josh runs out on his family.Ā Naturally heās horribly rattled by this, and wants to be a better dad, a John McClane type. So two things: I now want a crossover with this show and brooklyn nine nine along with the hatchefield one in my head and the regular show one most fans want. And the second is that John wasnāt the best dad or husband, and both the original film, the sequel josh saw, and the fourth film all spell this out. The fifth does too but I feel if I wish hard enough a good day to die hard will just spontaneously cease to exist and weāll all be happier that way.Ā
So Pearle agrees to help him, and we get a fun training montage, with Josh protecting a candace made of eggs Alex made, because of course he did, and an emily made of the same because of course he did, and get punched in the junk by randy in a dog costume, as you do. He actually feels tough and is ready for phase 2, pearle hitting him with something unexpectdly.
Instead what he thinks is Phase 2 is actually a die hard style hyjacking of Emilyās company christmas party, which josh misses due to being in the bathroom after panickily running into corn. As a result.. we get josh killing about 8-10 people not realizing itās not a simulation but not really caring about that part when itās revealed. Which granted it is in self defense but he still kills a LOT of people this episode, and I will be forever haunted by the fact that stringbean can REALLY do some murders. Seriously who knew JOSH had it in him. That is terrifying to comprehend. Naturally after he john mclanes his way up, he finds out it wasnļæ½ļæ½t a simulation panics but instead of running away runs the hans gruber knockoff, whose sadly not very entertaining out of the building and onto some exploding corn, saving the day, earning his familyās respect and cemnting himself as a badass. The reveal of what the text actually was is just.. perfect as itās just a bat on a string with Alex sayingĀ āheās totally going to shitā. The perfect capper to good ep only hampred by hans being really weak.. seriously he just has a weird sentence sturcture thaāts hte joke. They can do better. Otherwise a good die hard parody. John would be proud.Ā
Handy:
Another decent one not a standout but it has a truly astounding bit. Randy finds out, after going to Guy Fieriās flavor diaster for Pearle, that she hired another handyman and heās not good at his job as as he puts itĀ āIām going to do what troubled young men have done for years : iām going to sea!ā. Which is funny enough but leads to him stranded on a desert island, hallucinating and then meeting his idols in handy manning who may or may not be hallucinations: Bob Vila, The Ikea Mascot (Who speaks only in pictures and is a fun gag despite never having seen him before this episode) and my favorite tim the tool man taylor, whose tie is constantly pointed up for some reason and who amazingly only speaks in grunts. I didnāt know I needed this so thank you close enough. We also get the three helping with bob turning his hands into buzzsaws, ikea man creating nails and screws and Tim using his head as a tool. All accurate to their original shows and in ikea manās case brocures. Really good adaptation. But through this he discovers the clog the guy is trying to fix at the house is loadbearing and rushes home to save the house, leading to a fun actoin scene and a weird version of the celebration from the end of return of the jedi, complete with force ghosts. So we also get a tim taylor force ghost which I did not know I needed and as much as that show makes my stomach churn I badly hope shows up in the finale of last man standing. A decent one and givne how I keep sayin ga decent episode over and over you can kinda see why I didnāt review all these. LIke season 1 I simply donāt have a full review in me for every single one of these episodes. Weāre now at the halfway mark, only 8 more to go, I envy the dead, letās do this.Ā
Birthdaze: This was the episode most heavily promoted in the trailer and for good reason as itās the best of the season. Also relatable as while not having kids I do get how Kids Birthday parties feel and how they often end up weirdly close together. In this case both coalse as Josh and Emily have three birthdays in one weekend, their friends Emilyās friend Trish fromĀ āCool Momsā, who is so far some of the only continuity the series has, but a nice sign it has it, and that we could see Jim Crunch (who rose from the grave after an utterly wonderful funeral) or Dog Boy again. Or this episodeās standout gifty. But weāll get to that in a second.Ā So Josh and Emily well intentiondly decide to throw a party for the parents at the same time as Candaceās.. but end up neglecting Candace. While their idea is good, to reward the other parents for having to sit through so many parties, putting it at the same time was a horrible idea as giving a bunch of pent up people with low alcohol tolerance booze ends up resulting in drunken antics and them heckling the magicain... and given the world weāre in, thatās a horrible mistake as he makes the children disappear to a world of perptual brithday parties and forces JOsh and Emily to follow him if they want their child back.Ā What results is an utter delightly as we meet the wonderful and incomprable Gifty, a giant living present who works iwth the magician, named sardini, and is voiced by Kate Miccuci, heart eyes> Just.. evey bit with gifty is great, from her genuinely being animated and looking like a muppet, to her casually going demonic to explain if the kids stay too long they forget parents, to as seen up top playing a pipe organ that is apparently made of gold plated clown bones, and her best bit, which I posted on this very blog, where she assures the trapped kids if JOsh and Emily fail their final test, theyāll get to live of nutricious necco wafers before vomiting a giant cloud of them at the poor children. Those things are gross and we now knwo itās because they come from a giant presentās stomach.Ā
We get a great montage before most of that of our heroes treking through a weird and awesome birthday landscape with too many good parts to mentoin, before finding Sardini who puts them through tests before they can get candace back.. and one of those are you human image tests via the ball from phantasm. As gifty puts itĀ āWe have to make sure your not a botā. But the tests, about candaces faviorite things, help the two realize she liked them because they did it together, and a final talk with candace, as the final test has her ask why theyd idnāt want to spend time with her, with the two warmly apologizing and explaning why they did it but that they went too far. Candace reconclies with her parent,s the kids and our heroes go home, and Sardini finds himself sad no one stayed.. but at least he has gifty... and then start making love to herĀ āUnwrap me!ā which is far and away the best gag in the seasonās best episode by a mile.Ā
Time Hooch:
Now to talk about two things I hinted at earlier: The only good Alex episode this season and the one that vaugely resembles one of the Nightmare Time episodes. And while their two very diffrent stories with very diffrent outcomes and only one of them involves this guy
And suprisingly itās NOT close enough that has the eldtrich horrifying goat monster with a goofy cartoon voice who says things likeĀ āIām coming for your ass Teddy Bear!ā But both are stories about a sketchy (mildly for alex, entirely for Ted) middle aged man who feels one moment is where his life went wrong then accidently time travels after drinking 80 tons of liquor and decides to use said time travel to save a relationship, and fails at it in some fashion.Ā Thereās even a jaunt to a distopian future with robots and cyborgs. So while itās not 1:1, alex is far more sympathetic than Ted, Time Bastard is dark horror comedy, and it again dosenāt involve a horrifying goat man suprisingly enough, itās till way too many happy coincidences for me to outright ignore. Also check out nightmare time and especially the musicals it spun off from The Guy Who Didnāt LIke Musicals and Black Friday. Itās good stuff. But I couldnāt help but make the comparison, or now imagine Alex, Ted and Professor Hidgens as some weird diasterious power trio. This is how my brain works now.Ā
But to the episode itself itās just great from start to finish: Bridgette finds out while rumaging for an old photo in an old box of their stuff that Alex never signed the divorce papers. Turns out he was hoping theyād get back together.. and while not doing it and not telling her was a VERY selfish and horrible action.. you still sympathize with him. He hoped things would work out and theyād get back together, and given they had some close calls with that in season 1, to the point I shipped them, you can see where his sprig of hope came from. But with this heās realized there probably isnāt any hope and drinks some old moonshine he and Josh made in college.Ā Said moonshine was from a recipie in an old blues record, the titular time hooch that true to form, allows them to travel back in time. And since he was thinking of when he thought the relationship truly hit itās breakig point, when Bridgette at a sandwitch of his and heād said in the heat of it he wished heād never met her, they end up there and Alex tries to use it to help. Also Jasonās delivery of Alex saying what the recipie wasĀ ārye, barely, a dead manās pocket watch, mixed under a full moon (Laughs) okay we probably shouldāve seen this coming.Ā Ā
Naturally hereās where it really gets intresting. As youād probably guess, our heroes are the ones who made the sandwitch disappear and in desperation, alex kidnaps his past self before he can say the fatal words> We also get another spectacular bit where all past alex needs from alex to know heās really him from the future is what year he was born (1982), meaning heās defintely older than the rest of the cast. Though I wouldnāt be suprised if he was held back.. like at all. Look iām not thinking too hard into it this is also a story about whiskey based time travel.Ā
But with that said intresting part takes hold as Joshās past self reminds him of another fight that made things tense for a while.. and you can see where this goes. Alex keeps going back, and back, and back and back and back and back and back... and back, to try and stop the one fight, only to find a bigger one, leading to a montage.. to the point he ends up at the start of the relationship, the day they met at a college bar. The younger Alexās have decided screw it it was always wrong, letās end the relationship.Ā
We also get more of Alexās backstory as it turns out heās at a community college rather than UCLA, where he used to teach because of his own dumb actions: He met bridgette, let her enroll in his class and didnāt try to convince her to take another one. Donāt get me wrong the decade age gap and power dynamics are iffy.. but itās not as bad as it could be. They met before the class, and it comes off more as both being too stupid or too horny to realize how her being in his class came off before it was too late. She got with him entirely on his merits, and yes he has some trust me.Ā Case in point.. Alex realizes a few things. The first is that no amount of time travel can save his relationship. They fought all the time clearly, and there were inherent problems. Itās also clear just from the series itself that while they have chemistry their just not that compatible as people. Bridgette is obessed with image, social media, and herself while Alex just two episodes ago called phones the downfall of society and likes feeling superior to the exact kind of person bridgette is. They have chemistry but sometimes itās jut not enough. You have to have some common ground or your going to fall in a big hole. Itās honestly feels like a much more tolerable and realistic version of Leonard and Penny from the Big Bang Theory. And yes I know that showās not the most popular with my core audience, nerds, and I bring it up because momās been watching it a lately, and any time I see Leonard and Penny on screen it annoys me into a tizzy as the two just have NO REASON to be together other than boning, and even then heās apparently not a good partner so why then. They have nothing in common and she mocks and belittles him all the fucking time, mocking his hobbies, finding his job boring, and mocking him as a person. And not sharing hobbies or finding his job intresting would be fine, and still work but itās the constant teasing about it that comes off far more vitrolic than probably intended that just makes me hope for a divorce. Here itās not only much milder but they did actually get a divorce because their just diffrnet people and iām not mad the ship was sunk. It was done in a poetic way.Ā
And part of that poetry is Alex realizing that as doomed as things ended up being, via a very sweet montage of their time together.. he realizes he canāt loose this all together. That sure heād gain a lot and porbably woudlntā be living in a closet, but heād loose all the good times, and heād loose a friend. His marriage wasnāt so bad he wants to erase it it just ended and that happens. Naturally the other alexās donāt feel that way but Alex stops them.. Josh is too drunk at this point to help, and ends up creating a time vortex. The vortex sends our heroes home, where Alex realizes his mistake and apologizes for it to bridgette and signs the papers in front of her.Ā As for the Alexs we get a horrifying and hilarous gag as, given theyāve all commented each other is handsome.. start having an orgy, and are later found in amber and their dna is used to create our alex apparently. How does that work?
Point is this episode.. is a masterwork. Itās emotoinal, hilarious, and really good character work, with Alex having a really stellar arc that shades him in and putts a final button in his and bridgettes relationship. And having seen many ships I like end horribly, itās nice to have one end in a satsifying way like this. Also we see Alex in his borat thong, and iād just like to point out how funny I find it that the same year they made a borat joke, specifically on it being from a decade or two ago, we ended up getting a second Borat movie. Very niceeee.Ā
Worldās Greatest Teacher: This one was alright. On the bright side we got a Mr.Cambell episode! Iāve loved the guy since first meeting him in 100% no stress day, it was the first episode and that hasnāt changed and heās always a bright spot when he shows up. So an episode about him dealing with a rival teacher, MS. Lake a twice a week music teacher gunning for his job and his students love sounded made for me. In practice he gets a bit too petty to be symapthetic which takes things down a peg, even if it turns outĀ Ms. Lake really is coming for his ass Teddy Bear, but it has enough good gags to help it still be a fun episode.
The biggest one and the biggest reason I sitll like the episode is Timothyās coffe mug for worldās greatest teacher.. which naturally comes to life, possibly as a psychotic break possibly for real because of the show this is, and starts speaking in the dulcet tones of keith david. ANd iāve made no secret I love and am thirsty for Keith David on this blog and never will, and having him voice an abusive fowl mouthed coffee mugĀ is something I dindāt know I need but boy did I always need it my entire life. Yes even as a baby. Itās just glorious every time he shows up. The climax is also great as the two teachers end up bonding over the greatest love of all and george micheal after Candace invites River to a part shāesd having for her tooth coming out, and end up becoming frinemies, a nice solution i was glad to see. Even if iāll miss evil keith david coffee mug. Rest in power my dude.Ā
Whereād You Go, Bridgette? The second major Bridgette episode of the season and likeĀ āHaunted Couchā this oneās an instant classic. After realizing Bridgtteās already out of control addition to her phone has gotten even worse, Pearle confinscates it and takes her to detox. This leads to two great plots; Bridgette going into withdrawl, complete with an inspired nightmare sequence about her aps and missing her friends death because she was on her phone and the rest of the cast thinking shāes been kidnapped because sheās not on social media, which while stupid is DELIGHTFULLY stupid and makes some sense given how glued to her phone she is. They end up calling a true crime podcast over, two egosticial college girls who quickly blame them for it despite it making no sense and their fans torm the apartment, and donāt belivie it when bridgette actually shows up.. It takes an inspired speech from Bridgette, whose developed as a person and after actually tasting a late for the first time sees how good they are, and Pearle posting that speech online to dismiss them and our heroes are saved. Itās an utterly amazing plot from josh being excited about the mob attacking them, to Pearle revealing part of the reason sheās so dedicated to helping bridgette is due to her own weird addiction to six flags, which is just so oddly specific I love it.Ā
The Erotic Awakening of A.P. Lapearle This one STARTED well, with Alex reading his viking erotic to everyone, and not getting that Candace maybe shouldnāt be there, only for Pearle to be the only one to actually enjoy it and be inspired by her enjoyment of his work to submit it to a publisher. The publisher ends up making a valid point that women want erotic fantasy from someone they can feel safe by and alex is well.. alex, so he suggests using pearle as a front. it goes how youād expect: he wants actual credit, the publisher slowly pushes him out, she regrets it, they fight an army of fans and make them vomit with alex reading the book.. standard stuff. Itās just not very funny or a great insight into either characters, and is easily the weakest episode of the season.. though the next one gave it close compettition.Ā
Men Rock!
This one was a chore to sit through, and is only ahead of the last one because it has some really good josh bits and musical numbers which is more than the last one gave me so hey. In a nutshell Emily is on the verge of quitting her and Bridgetteās music careers as she feels theyāll never be famous only for their latest song Men Rock!, an ironic title for a sarcastic song poking fun at a bunch of toxic masculinty bs that is a good song, has hit it HUGE in a fictonal foreign dicatroship and get invited to go, reclutantly agreeing. If you havenāt seen the ep, you can still guess how this goes: say it with me THEY TOOK IT AT FACE VALUE. So our heroines have to help inspire the repressed women and inspire a bloody cou, helped by josh finding some improisoned femisinists in a bathroom. They also gain a fan. it has a few good gags, mostly Candace trying to remind her dad to help her find a place to pee after he keeps getting sidetracked by being taken back by Emilyās sucess. Iāts just a very bad, very predictable episode with very obvious misogyn is bad jokes. And misgoyny IS bad but other shows, paticuarlly tuca and bertie with one early episode, have tackeld this topic better. This episode did not. Last one.Ā
Secret Horse:
This one in stark contrast is one of the series best and an utter joy to watch. On a bad day for the whole apartment with some santa anna winds, an adorable, poofy mained utterly precious horse gets free and ends up at the apartment. Thus we get a vingettte episode, as the horse has a delightful adventure with each of our main 7, and each up tot he last try and hide the horse badly only for the horse to suddenly sprout up and help their mood.
I do love a good vinegtte episode, with two of my faviorite simpsons episodes being 22 short films about springfiled (Minus kirk dragging MIlhouse away from the bathroom, fuck you you balding asshat, it makes the episode hard to watch) ,and trilogy of error, and this is a classic example of it as we get some fun adventures fro each of the housemates: Candace plays with the horse, adorably so, Josh finds it in the garage as his car breaks down and takes them on an install with him, even stuffing them into a suit and we get a great bit of the horse getting fed sugarcubes and josh money. Brigette gets help living in the now instead of posting about it all the time.
My faviorite comes next as Alex needs new patches for his suit but obviouslyc nāt afford them so he takes the ponyt ot he track.. to help him pick which horses to bet on. Itās just such an inherntly funny idea, especially since it works, and really the horse is just hilarious wherever it ends up. It next helps randy win a skating contest, we get a touching story as Pearle misses her old tragically dead horse partner and uses our boy as a subtitute and finlaly we get emily who needs help relaxing and while she naturally calls animal control she hangs up as she falls for hte horse. The group all fight over the horse in the end, the horse leaves and they let it go home, wonder if it was a hallucination and it whizes on thier car. Overall a really great finale and a wonderful note to go out on.Ā
Overall Ranking Iāve decided eveyr time I do one of these, or a post season wrapup of a show iāve covered every episode of the season to rank them from best to worst sooo
Birthdaze Time Hooch Haunted Couch Secret Horse Whereād You Go Bridgette? Sauce face HouseguestĀ From Hell Joint Break Josh Gets Shredded Worldās Greatest Teacher Meet the Frackers Handy Man Up Cyber Matrix Men Rock!Ā The Erotic Awakening of A.P. Lapearle
And iād like to note that outside of the bottom two hear.. I enjoyed ALL of these. WHich leads to
Final Thoughts; This season was excellent. It had everything the first season had the heart, the character and the utterly great sense of humor, and fine tuned it to be a well oiled machine I could hardly stop laughing at and with tons of great character stuff. Before it had the potetial to surpass regular show but now it has as despite having a few dud episodes itself, as is intievitble in any show, now, they still arenāt as bad as a lot of RSās early misteps. And Regular SHow as a FANTASTIC show and really stuck the landing, so iām only saying this is even better and can only go up from here. And even if it stays about the same quality wise, that wonāt be a bad place to be. This season was near damn perfect, iāll probably watch it again and again, and I canāt wait to devour more and given the current tragectory probably will this year. And I couldnāt be more excited.
If you like this blog follow for more reviews, become a patreon to help reach stretch goals or comission a review outright, details for the latter two on my blog. And iāll see you at the next rainbow.Ā
#close enough#josh singleton#emily rameriz-singleton#bridget yoshida#pearle watson#randy watson#candace ramirez-singleton#hbo max#animation#reviews
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Hellooo!! I love love LOVE the diamond box matchup you did!! You're amazing!! Your blog is incredible!! Now I'm here for a romantic haven box Haikyuu matchup plsš„ŗ
Appearance: My name is Kay! She/her, black, straight, 5'1, I have a slightly athletic & curvy-ish figure (lol idk), short-ish hair(like mid-neck), dark brown eyes, shoe size 9, I like to dress comfy so I'm always in oversized hoodies, sweatpants, sneakers, sweatshirts and shorts. I like colorful clothes too, high waisted jeans and shorts and boots. I'm not very fashionable but I try lol.
Personality:
Basics: infp-t, Hufflepuff, Taurus sun, scorpio moon, sanguine, chaotic good, ambivert.
Some positive traits: I'm optimistic, friendly, energetic, organized, enthusiastic, observant, happy, open-minded, loving, encouraging and inquisitive!!
Some negative traits: I'm annoying, perfectionist, insecure, forgetful, easily distracted, kinda lazy, argumentative, too nice at times and clingy.
I love learning new things!! Currently I'm learning Korean, how to draw, how to paint and songs on the saxophone.
When I'm up for it, I love fun physical activity!! Going for a hike, going to the gym, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, going camping and etc :D
Although I love going out, nothing beats lazy days at home. I can spend hours by myself and still be happy. When alone I usually sleep or watch a movie/anime or practice my drawing or saxophone or try and learn something new!
I have a horrible memory and can never remember important dates š I've forgotten my own birthday a few times (rip) so people can get mad at me for missing appointments, forgetting birthdays and other important days. I try my best to organize everything necessary on my phone calendar so I can be reminded.
I love seeing people happy! Nothing can fulfill my day more than knowing I put a smile on someone's face! I usually try my best to help out anyone who needs it and to the best of my ability! This has led to me getting taken advantage of in the past but I can't help but try and make others happy. I've developed a thicker skin and some trust issues as I've grown up because of it.
I love hyping my friends/family up!! Do you need a boost in confidence? Here I am, ready to help you remember the absolute king/queen/royalty that you are!! I'm usually very energetic and enthusiastic about many things and I love spreading positivity around!!
My love language is physical touch! So touch is very important to me in my relationships. Though I am insecure so I tend to think that I smother the people I care about with too much affection idk lol. I live for hugs and cuddles and hand holding ššæššæ but because of that I feel like I'm very clingy and annoying skskfksjd
I'm introverted in nature so although I mean usually full of energy and love making new friends, I can't do it for too long lol. My social battery runs out really fast and I have to hide away and recharge before I can be fully social again, otherwise I won't be my best self. I treasure personal time and understand when people need time for themselves too.
I love spontaneity!! I love living in the moment and doing stuff just for the hell of it!! Wanna go on a road trip? Dance in the rain? Build houses for charity? Go to McDonald's at 2am? Go on a long walk? SIGN ME UP!!
I can also be lazy and unmotivated to do stuff. If something doesn't interest me, I'd find myself incapable of doing it or I'd do it with great difficulty. I'm one of those 'do something when inspiration/motivation hits you otherwise it'll be absolute shit' types.
But when I do have motivation/inspiration that's when my perfectionism comes in and I have to do it in the best possible way and anything less is an insult to me, my family, my ancestors and descendants lmaoo. Unfortunately I subconsciously set a very high bar for myself which can be overwhelming and stressful but when I manage to produce work of that quality, it's very satisfying and rewarding jshkshdhsj
I have more to add but I feel like this is getting way too long š lemme just move to the next section heheheh
Hobbies: I LOVE listening to music, learning new things, watching movies/anime, sleeping, reading, writing, playing saxophone (I'm still learning tho lol), swimming, drawing, journaling, making friends, and cooking!
My music taste: any type of rock (punk rock, grunge, j-rock, metal), pop, KPOP, RnB, jazz, dubstep, lofi hip hop, rap, trap, krnb, anime OP's and bangers from: Elvis, the beach boys, Queen, Khalid, Ateez, Harry styles, Kendrick Lamar, p!atd, mcr, fallout boy, Nirvana, BTS, mxmtoon, Marianas trench, twenty one pilots, stray kids, Jay Park, crush, Dreamcatcher, Skrillex, MJ, troye sivan etc
Fun facts:
I'm more of a cat person but I live dogs and think they're adorable!!
I have four piercings and I plan on getting more soon!!
I'm a night owl, and get super grumpy in the mornings especially when woken up unexpectedly >:/
Although I love making friends, I only have like 1/2 super close friends and like 20+ acquaintances lol
I want to get a tattoo soon but idk what to get :(
I'm super addicted to coffee (rip) and if I don't take some for some time (like a week) I'll get the worst migraines and I won't feel better until I drink some coffee š
That's it!! I hope i wrote enough stuff!! Did I leave anything out? If you need more pls tell me and I'll send another ask :D Take your time!! I'm in no rush. I'll patiently wait even though you get writers block or have a large amount of asks š pls stay safe and healthy!! Drink lots of water, sleep well and have an amazing day/night!! ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½āØ
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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!
The Haven box includes:
- Match up
- Sun drop
-Ā Journal of Feelings
- 3 am shenanigans
āāāā±*.ļ½”:ļ½”ā±*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”ā°*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”:ļ½”*.ļ½”ā± āāā
I'd match you up with
Sugawara Koushi, Vice-captain of Karasuno
āāāā±*.ļ½”:ļ½”ā±*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”ā°*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”:ļ½”*.ļ½”ā± āāā
Sun drops
- OKAY so like, as I read your description I thought of Akaashi or Yaku or Sugawara
- Me being the indecisive author I am had trouble picking
- But then I remembered that you loved to do spontaneous things.
- And that's when I realized that Sugawara is THE ONE
- You two would be deemed the "3 am couple"
- Or in the team it would be "Epitome of Chaos"
- He takes care of you
- He will alway remind you that you don't need to be perfect
- Insecurities? BE GONE
- Nagativity? BE GONE
- That's basically his motto
- He is both your mom and partner in Crime
- did I mention he will take care of you?
- CUDDLES AND KISSES FOR DAYS
āāāā±*.ļ½”:ļ½”ā±*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”ā°*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”:ļ½”*.ļ½”ā± āāā
Journal of feelings
- Once this man realizes that you LOVE physical affection. He will give it to you. EVERYTIME HE SEES YOU
Kay entered the gym to watch her boyfriend play. She tried sneaking in and so far it has been great. She thought she was off the hook but then felt a familiar arms wrapped around her waist. "I found you~" Sugawara said with a smile.
- You both would often plan pranks and majority of the times, it would succeed
"Okay okay, so what are we doing today?" Kay asked the silver haired male. "Oh~ maybe we can scare Asahi or anyone for that matter with a beetle?" Sugawara suggested. "That's--no," Kay responded.
āāāā±*.ļ½”:ļ½”ā±*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”ā°*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”:ļ½”*.ļ½”ā± āāā
3 am shenanigans
Itās 3 am in the morning. Almost everyone is fast asleep or in their homes, well almost. The night sky is littered with diamond in the sky. The streets were silent but it was comforting. A few people walked here and there. And a few cars passes by there and here. āWhat are we doing up so late?ā A silver haired man said as he yawned. āWeāll be going to Mc Donaldās! What else?ā The female responded as she smiled at him. āIs it even open at this time?ā He asked. āKoushi, darling, it is open,ā Kay, the lover of our beloved silvered male man said as she smiled. Sugawara chuckled and held her hand, the smile on his face was evident. āYou know, we should be sleeping by now right?ā He said as he pulled her closer. āAnd so what? I wasnāt planning on sleeping early! I slept the whole day yesterday and missed the chance to hang out with you,ā The girl responded.
A small blush appeared on the maleās face and he giggled. āThatās very sweet bu-ā He was about to say but was silenced by the girl. āThat was very sweet but we couldāve done this later on or tomorrow. Well, sorry to break it to you, Love. But, we are here,ā She said as she pulled the male inside the fast food chain. And soon enough, the two got their orders and enjoyed their meal. āI donāt know why but this hits different,ā Kay said as she eat a French fry. āIt really does. Especially since you are here,ā Sugawara stated as he patted her head. Now, she was the one blushing. As the two chatted, the other customers and staff glanced at them every now and then. None of them were annoyed at their interactions. On the contrary, they enjoyed watching them,
Some felt envious of their relationship. Some dreamt to have something like that. And others remembered the times of old. The two were so sweet, itās almost too much. Laughter and chattering echoed through the building from both the couple and the people around them. Then they were dub the ā3 am coupleā as the two would often venture in that restaurant at 3 am in the morning.
āāāā±*.ļ½”:ļ½”ā±*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”ā°*.:ļ½”ā§*.ļ½”:ļ½”*.ļ½”ā± āāā
Author's note
I'm so so sorry for the long wait! This week has been hectic. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this matchup~ and thanks for requesting!
#āļømatchup#haikyuu matchups#haikyuu!!#haikyuu matchup#fanfic#anime#fiction#sugawara koushi#sugawara kÅshi#Sugawara#sugawara headcanon#match ups#hq matchups#hq sugawara#Anime matchups#BlackPearl
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Alien Spaceship Pyramids
(Very mild Kwamibuster spoilers. Also on AO3)
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Alix was not a happy bunny when she went back to the Louvre that evening.
āDid you see me on TV?ā Jalil said immediately, jumping up in excitement. āMy theory was accepted! Iām so happy!ā
āYeah, I saw it,ā Alix snapped. She threw her schoolbag down on the floor and went off to go find her skates ā she really had to do something fun and distracting or she would go mad.
āWhat did you think? Was I okay? I did get lots of followers on my history blog, so Iām glad at least that my theories are gaining tractionāā
āAliens, Jalil? Really?!ā She spun round to face him. āYou do know itās possible for humans to build pyramids, right? Thatās an actual thing that humans actually can do. I can do it myself, just gimme a few Lego blocks and Iāll happily show you. āAlien spaceshipsā, honestly...ā
āBut I have proof! The pyramids are so ancient that primitive human technology of the time canāt possibly have built structures as mathematically magnificent as that!ā
āThey just piled a bunch of rocks on top of each other, how hard can it be?ā
āBut theyāre so huge, and ā and ā I have other proof too...ā
She sighed. āLook. I didnāt care about the necromancy thing, even if it was so cringey that you got akumatized over it. I didnāt care about the Atlantis thing. I got super into the Area 51 thing, if you remember. I get that conspiracy theories are fun. But this? This is a step too far!ā
āWhy?ā
āBecause youāre acting like our own ancestors were too dumb to build a freaking pyramid!ā
Jalil crossed his arms. āYou sound just like dad.ā
āPfffff, dad doesnāt talk like that, heās way less informal.ā
āYou know what I mean! Anyway, come on, canāt I count on my own family to support me? I support your skating thing, even though you keep getting injured from it!ā He gestured towards the bandage on her knee.
āJalil, dude. I have supported you through so much. Like that hang-gliding fad, or your weird rivalry with that Theo guy, or that bloody necromancy ritual you never shut up about. But now Iāve had it. Next youāll be saying the moon landing was a hoax, or the earth is flat, or that vaccines are bad, or that Rena Rouge is Marinette, or... or...ā
āDonāt be ridiculous,ā he scoffed. āRena Rouge is MylĆØne, of course.ā
At the end of her patience, Alix turned away and began walking off to find her skates again. āIām disowning you.ā
āHey! You canāt do that!ā
āI can and I will!ā she called out over her shoulder. āDad was right to give the pocket watch to me! And guess what? Iām gonna go find Julekaās mum and get her to adopt me, and then Iāll get an actual cool older brother instead! Not a weirdo like you...ā
āFine!ā She heard Jalil stomp his foot, like some immature little kid. āIām not talking to you anymore.ā
āMe neither!ā
Good riddance ā sheād had enough of him and his stupid conspiracies!
Ā -
Ā āYou canāt just get my mum to adopt you,ā Juleka said, rolling her eyes. Well, the one eye that was visible anyway. Who knew what the other one was doing.
āWhy not?ā Alix asked.
āBecause youāve already got a parent. My mum would have to marry your dad, and uh... yeah. Not happening.ā
āBut itās so unfair! You get a cool big brother whoās actually supportive and nice and didnāt try to convince you that Beethoven is an alien time lord when you were only 3 years old...ā
The quiet twangs of Lukaās guitar could be heard from where he was sitting out on the deck. Imagine if Jalil could play the guitar? But no, the stupid nerd had to go for drums, and it was so frustrating to have to hear that boring repetitive tapping whenever she was trying to do her homework.
Julekaās one eye widened. āBut Alix, Beethoven really IS an alien time lord.ā
āHaha, very funny.ā Alix turned away.
āHey... Jalil is a grown-up, isnāt he? Surely heāll move out soon and then you wonāt have to deal with him?ā
āI doubt it. He works in the museum with dad. Itāll be me who has to move out, and Iāve still got years left before I can do that. Meanwhile my brother is on TV going on about alien spaceships while yours is on TV because you guys are in a rock band.ā
Couldnāt Jalil be in a rock band with her? Sure, the age difference was a lot bigger than Juleka and Lukaās was, but still! Sibling rock bands were such a cool idea. Why couldnāt Jalil ever think of something like that? āSibling archaeology teamā didnāt have quite the same ring to it, especially when said team ended up getting chased out of the park for digging up all the grass.
āItās not like Luka isnāt annoying sometimes too,ā Juleka said, seemingly trying to put on a reassuring smile. āFor example he... uh... hmm... he thinks ethereal wave is better than darkwave. Itās really annoying.ā
āAh yes, arguing over music genres. Jalil thinks the Hurrian Hymns are better than the Jet Set Radio soundtrack and I want to slap him. Like no offence to the Ancient Sumerians but they could really have used more bass.ā
āWell um... Luka also wonāt use mascara even though I keep telling him itāll really make his eyes pop.ā
āYeah, and Marinette and Adrien still wonāt stop obsessing over him. Jalil fricking wears scarfs indoors. Like, inside when itās warm. I donāt care about fashion and even I want to nominate him for Queer Eye.ā
Juleka shrugged. āOh, I give up. Luka is a great brother. Iām sorry.ā
Alix nodded, getting up to leave. āNever mind. I guess Iāll just have to deal with him then, though Iām not gonna stop giving him the silent treatment...ā
Anyway, Juleka constantly trying to make her feel better wasnāt what she needed. She needed a brick wall to vent at who would just nod along and not really care, and let her be as annoyed as she wanted in peace. She needed... ah yes... a certain emo who would certainly be in the art gallery back at the Louvre right about now...
Ā -
Ā She hadnāt even made it there yet before hearing the unwelcome voice of Nuisance #1 chasing after her down the street.
āHEY ALIX! Your brother was awesome on that show earlier! Wait come back! Stop!ā
Screeching to a halt on her skates, she turned around. āWhat do you want, Kim?ā
Kim did that weird half-dab thing he had been doing all day. āThe show, Alternative Truth! How do you get on it? I wanna be on it too!ā
She rolled her eyes. āFor what? What stupid conspiracy are you going to go with?ā
āWell donāt tell anyone but...ā He looked around and then lowered his voice to a whisper. āI think your dad might be Hawk Moth.ā
āGod, and I thought Jalil was bad...ā
Kim didnāt seem to have heard her. āSo how do you get on the show? How did Jalil do it? What do I do? Do I need to make a history blog too? I follow Jalilās one now and itās really great but he hasnāt mentioned anything about the show yet so...ā
Alix made a mental note to remember to block Jalilās blog from every one of her accounts at some point in the near future. āI donāt know and I donāt care. Go ask him yourself.ā
āWell I would, but I canāt go in the Louvre, the security guards banned me after I broke that statue that one time...ā
āOh yeah, that was great,ā she said, allowing herself a grin despite how annoyed she was. āFine, Iāll let you in through the side entrance. But only on the condition that you never speak to me about Jalil ever again.ā
His face fell. āWhy not?ā
āBecause heās the worst brother ever and I hate him.ā
āWow, thatās kinda harsh...ā
āI donāt care. Now hurry up and follow me, Iāve got a tomato to meet up with.ā
She skated off and trusted he was following. He was always bragging about being able to run super fast, well surely heād be able to keep up, right? If he couldnāt then too bad for him!
Ā -
Ā āAlright, go through there,ā Alix said, pointing at the corridor that led towards her familyās quarters. āIām going to the art gallery. And if you get kicked out or arrested by security guards then Iām absolutely throwing you under the bus and pretending I had nothing to do with this.ā
āCool. In return, Iām gonna tell Jalil what you said about him being the worst brother ever and that you hate him. See ya later!ā
Kim turned and ran off before she could even process what heād said.
Wait... he was going to actually tell Jalil that? To his face?
Alix ignored the weird pangs of guilt. Anyway, it was true! Jalil was the worst. She definitely didnāt care if someone told him so. He deserved to be insulted.
Her gut twisted painfully.
No! No guilt. She stuffed a pair of headphones on and skated off towards the art gallery.
Ā -
Ā The best thing about Nathaniel was that he just didnāt care. It probably worked both ways ā plenty of times heād been the one sitting here, ranting about something while doodling in that little sketchbook of his, and Alix would just skate around and listen. Now it was her turn to rant.
āJalil is so annoying! I canāt stand it any longer! His conspiracies donāt even make any sense, heās just doing it to be edgy and weird and I hate it!ā
āMhm.ā Nath didnāt even look up from his sketchbook.
āI never even minded before, but this alien spaceship thing has gone too far. And to think he was on TV, and everyone saw it! Itās the most embarrassing thing thatās ever happened to me!ā
āYeah. So embarrassing.ā
āI used to wonder why dad is so harsh on him all the time, but I kinda get it now. Heās just ā just soāā
She stopped just short of saying the word useless.
Was Jalil useless?
Well... he had been the one who had bought Alix her first ever pair of skates. Heck, heād even been the one who bought the skates she was currently wearing.
Nath finally looked up. āHaving second thoughts?ā
Alix had been so busy venting that she hadnāt noticed the songs that were playing through her headphones, having just put the thing on shuffle and let it do what it wanted, but she suddenly noted the vaguely familiar tones of an ancient lyre.
Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she looked to see that it was... oh yeah, Hurrian Hymn No. 6. That time when sheād downloaded it just to see what Jalilās hype about it even was. It was okay, she guessed. Not her type of music, but hey, the Ancient Sumerians only had a limited availability of instruments to work with, it wasnāt her place to judge that.
She sighed and went to sit down beside Nath.
āItās a bit weird... me and Jalil have never really fought like this before. He just does his own thing and I do my own thing. I... Iām not used to being mad at him.ā
Peering over, she noticed that Nath was drawing the pyramids themselves. It reminded her of what she was annoyed about in the first place.
āI just canāt believe he literally went on TV and called the pyramids alien spaceships! Does he even hear himself? I usually stick up for him when dad is calling him out on his dumb theories, but this one just doesnāt make any sense at all...ā
āSo this is the first time you havenāt taken his side?ā Nath asked.
She nodded. āI guess thatās why heās mad at me too... heās used to me sorta passively supporting him... I mean most of the time his theories arenāt any more or less zany than the stuff Alya comes up with, so itās not usually a big deal...ā
The lyre was strangely haunting. So much reverb, echoing around like the thoughts in her brain. It was enough to calm her down a bit ā probably a good thing, because getting akumatized was not exactly a priority today.
Her phone buzzed. She looked at it again to seeā
Ugh, a notification that Jalil had updated his blog. Sheād forgotten to block him.
But even as she unlocked the screen and went to do so, she couldnāt stop herself from reading what heād posted, at least the first few lines.
Apologies to all my dear fans and followers who watched Alternative Truth today, but I am renouncing my theory that the pyramids are the remains of ancient spaceships. I have come to realize that I was misinformed and that there is a high possibility that the Ancient Egyptians really did build them through their own power, and...
What?
āNath!ā Alix leapt to her feet. āJalil doesnāt believe that alien spaceship theory anymore!ā
Nath barely even blinked. āOkay. Cool.ā
āHow did this happen? Thereās no way heād just stop believing something like that, heās always so adamant that heās right! Unless... unless... oh no...ā
Was this her fault? Her saying that she hated Jalil, that he was the worst brother ever, and Kim deciding to tell him so, did that really hurt Jalil so much that heād renounce his own theory? Had her words affected him that much?
āOh my god I have to go apologize to him.ā
āUh what?ā
āIāll be back later! You keep drawing, I have to go...ā
Leaving Nath there confused, she skated off at top speed.
Ā -
Ā āJalil! Jalil, there you are!ā
Jalil frowned. āAlix? I thought you werenāt going to talk to me anymore?ā
Too much momentum to stop in time, she skated right into him and almost knocked him over. āIām so sorry I was mean to you okay, I mean your theory was definitely stupid and Iām glad you renounced it but please ignore whatever Kim said, I donāt think youāre the worst brother andāā
āWait, what are you talking about?ā
āIām talking about the things I said about you behind your back! Kim said he was going to tell you...ā
Jalil scratched his head in thought. āThatās the kid with the Tintin hair, right? I didnāt get to talk to him at all, I saw him getting kicked out by security actually.ā
āSo he didnāt tell you that I said I hated you?ā
āNo, not at all!ā
Oh...
āWell then why did you renounce your theory?ā she asked. āI thought it was because I made you feel bad.ā
āSomething really strange happened to me actually!ā Jalil said, his eyes lighting up in the way that they always did whenever he was going to go off on a conspiracy tangent. Alix mentally prepared herself for the worst. āI met a superhero who claimed to come from the future! She had the powers of time travel and said that she would prove me wrong, and so she took me through a portal back in time to thousands of years ago, and briefly showed me the Ancient Egyptians actually building the pyramids themselves. And I know it sounds too good to be true but I promise Iām not lying! This really happened to me!ā
Superhero from the future? She was about to say how far-fetched that sounded, when she noticed Jalil looking at her very suspiciously.
āThe superhero... looked very familiar, now that I think about it...ā
āUh... who did it look like?ā
He hesitated for a few seconds before answering. ā...Never mind. Just a conspiracy theory.ā
āIs it one with proof this time? Because as long as itās not as stupid as the pyramid one, Iām willing to hear it.ā
He shook his head. āIāll tell you someday, but just uh... not yet.ā
āUm, okay.ā
āAnyway, you were right about the pyramid theory being wrong, and Iām sorry I didnāt listen to you.ā
āCool. And Iām... Iām sorry I was really harsh about it.ā
āNo, itās good that you were! I shouldnāt be giving all the credit to aliens for things that humans did. And youāre usually really nice about my theories, so if it was something that made you annoyed, then it surely had to have been bad...ā
Alix smiled ā it was nice to be back on her brotherās good side. āAll forgiven. Iāll still stick up for you when dadās being annoying, I promise.ā
āThanks, munchkin.ā He patted her on the head. āI like it better when weāre not bickering.ā
āSame.ā
Something popped into her head all of a sudden.
āOh yeah, Jalil? How did you get onto Alternative Truth in the first place?ā
āWhy do you want to know? Are you going to go on it?ā
āWhat? No! Not me! Kim stans that show, he was bugging me about it earlier...ā
āOh right! Well it was like this...ā
He launched into an explanation. Phew ā things were back to normal. Jalil could be annoying, sure, but he still helped Alix with her homework, and covered for her whenever she was doing anything she wasnāt supposed to, and cheered for her at skating competitions, and so many other things she was grateful for. In fact, he probably kept her in line as much as she had done with him today. Of course, being so much younger, it wasnāt exactly easy to boss him around without him getting overly annoyed about it. But at least he was still there for her.
Superhero from the future, though... who on earth was that?
Ā -
Ā It was several years later when Alix kicked open the door to Jalilās room, pocket watch in hand.
āHey Alix, whatās uāā
āThe superhero was me, wasnāt it?ā she said, deadpan.
āWhat superhero?ā
āThe one who showed you the pyramids years ago.ā
Jalilās eyes widened. āOh ā the bunny? You mean that really is you?ā
āOh hell yes, it was me alright. You were being such a twerp that day, it still annoys me when I think about how I had to sit through that stupid TV show...ā
āWait youāre a miraculous holder?!ā
Alix didnāt pay him any attention. āIām going back in time to that day right now and proving you wrong. Your alien spaceship theory doesnāt stand a chance.ā
āWait wait wait youāre telling me my little sister really is a superhero???ā
Alix turned back around and walked out of the room. How had it took her so long to put two and two together? Well, whatever. Time to fix mini-Alix and mini-Jalilās friendship, and put an end to the alien spaceships once and for all.
#ml spoilers#miraculous ladybug#alix kubdel#jalil kubdel#random stuff#aish writes#i churned this out so fast i'm sorry
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Did you do anything stupid/anything you regret today? So far, no. I always end up doing something stupid at least once a day so Iām just waiting for that to happen.
Do you trust your doctor? We donāt have a family doctor but I like to think I can trust whichever doctor that winds up giving me a checkup.
Have you ever switched primary care doctors? ^
^If yes, what was the reason?
Do you ever sleep on your bedroom floor just for fun? No, the floor is too hard. Sleeping on the floor is reserved for emotional breakdowns.
What's the last thing you regret spending money on? A really bad bowl of ramen at Podium. Backstory time!!! So I never liked ramen until a few weeks ago, when my uncle brought me to Mendokoro Ramenba, which is the restaurant that people say is the best ramen place in the country. And people werenāt lying, because it really was a fucking good bowl. Made me cry. Anyway, after that, I kinda increasingly had a craving for ramen and tried out a couple of other places that served it. The ones Iāve had so far just reinforced my dislike for ramen, because every other bowl Iāve tasted so far (other than the one my uncle brought me to) was terrible.
So, idk. Either ramen is really just not goodāat least for meāor Mendokoro gave me extremely high standards when picking ramen.Ā
Do you have a youtube channel? I have one but itās only for subscribing to channels and so that YouTube can personalize my home page according to my interests.
^If so, how many subscribers do you have? 0.
What color are your nails painted currently? If I had a dollar every time this question appeared on a survey...
Are you worried about your current financial situation? HAHAHAHA YES. Internship is DRAINING MY WALLET. I work in Ortigas, which is one of the busiest business districts in the metro. And understandably, they charge for everything. Park for five minutes? Pay up. Wanna use the bathroom? Pay up. Are you just standing aimlessly? Pay the fuck up.Ā The last one was a joke but you get the point. Anyway, so I pay P200-P250 ($4-$5) for parking from M-F and it leaves me with little to no savings at the end of the week. I also had to stop buying food out because I had to resort to getting meals from the house.Ā
Yesterday I was desperate to reward myself so, with P350 left in my wallet, I bought a burger from my favorite restaurant that costs P350 exactly. I didnāt care anymore. I wanted to buy something that wasnāt a parking fee, so I said fuck it. This is the one thing I hate as an unpaid intern and I canāt wait til itās over.
What was the last thing that made you cry? Gab and I had an honest conversation last night that lasted until 1 AM, and we both cried.
Do you know anyone who's had a stillbirth? I donāt think so, no.Ā
Who was the last person you know (or that you know of) that died? Kayeās dad.
What are you looking forward to doing tomorrow? Resting, napping, sleeping. Maybe a little work here and there but Iāll be asleep for the most part.
What store did you shop at last? My girlfriend and I stopped at Filbarās to look at Funkos and (for her) GoT stuff.
Do you need a new phone? Iām a little materialistic so Iām always wanting a new phone hahaha but no, I really donāt need a new one; my iPhone 8 is working just fine.
What's something you are behind on? SOCIAL LIFE
Name someone who has it worse than you. I donāt like this question :/ Itās a little narcissistic for me.
Do you wish you were rich? Duh, donāt we all.
Do you miss someone who treated you horribly? Nope.
Would you rather get a big tattoo or small tattoo? Small one. I used to think I can handle big tattoos though.
Are there any redheads in your family? We donāt even have brunettes nor blondes. The day we discover a redhead in the family is the day the world ends.
Do you identify as a supernatural being..i.e., unicorn, alien, goddess...?
Do you block a lot of people on Facebook? On Twitter, yes. Iām not into the Facebook culture much so Iāve never felt the need to block someone there.
What's one thing you are tired of seeing or hearing about on Facebook? Fucking Bible quotes. Itās made worse because theyāre always used by hypocrites. Motivational quotes with generic graphics are just as bad.
What is a secret you have? Stared at this question for like 7 minutes only to come up with nothing haha. My secrets are either too private or too uninteresting to count as secrets.
Do you wait until the last minute to do laundry? My mom does it every Friday so that she doesnāt get behind.
Do you have any big regrets in life? Not big ones, just mini regrets here and there. And I try not to have them in the first place because I hate being stuck in a place when I couldāve just moved on and accepted my mistakes already.
What color is the sweatshirt you wear the most? Navy blue.
Do you consider yourself athletic? Not really.
What's one thing you are not? Good in calculus.
Has anyone ever bullied you while you were grieving a loss? No, but Iād be so pissed off if that happened. Like Iād have no time feeling victimized ā Iād just go right ahead and be furious that someone would do that.
When was the last time you went to the doctor? Three years ago, when my school required me to get scoliosis stuff settled before they admitted me to freshman status.
How many pills do you take every morning? Zero, unless I wake up with a headache in which case Iād take one.
Do you own a designer purse? Yes.
Which twin is your favorite: Niki or Gabi? ?
Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I donāt think so.
Which YouTuber do you feel like you relate to the most? Dan Howell, and how timely considering the video he just put out after more than a year :3
List three people you hope to meet in Heaven. If it ends up being real, Iād like to meet my great-grandfather and my ancestors who founded the province of Bulalacao.
When was the last time you cleaned your room? Last April. I had a lot of time on my hands then. Itās gotten messy again though so Iām itching to clean it up.
Do you have a prayer partner? No.
When was the last time you went to church? Last Sunday. Iām going again tomorrow -.-
Do you know what you're wearing for the 4th of July? I donāt care for another countryās Independence Day. Especially a country thatās bullied my own for decades.
What was the last parade you went to? Last June, when we went to the Pride March.
Have you ever been in a parade, and if yes, doing what? We were...celebrating Pride?Ā
What is your favorite ride at the fair? I canāt handle a lot of rides, but I do love the octopus. Itās a ride that resembles...well, an octopus, and its arms go up and down and go around fast.
Do you wish you had someone you could trust? I already do.
Do you want a dog that looks like you? Iād rather not have a dog that looks like anyone.
What theme do you want for your wedding? No theme. I just want it to look elegant, classy, and classic.
What theme would you choose for a baby's nursery? I donāt think Iāll know until Iām actually getting a kid. Right now though Iām leaning towards a space/stars theme. Or animals.
What color would you paint a baby girl's nursery? Pastel pink.
Does your first crush know that he/she was your first crush? No. I never told her and I probably never will. Itās just the timingās been lost forever hahaha.
Do you know your first crush's middle name? Her second name is Louise, but I forgot her maiden name.
What is one thing you are scared of? Setting my kitchen on fire while cooking.
How far away do you live from your favorite park? I live in the Philippines ā the government does not give a shit about public places other than malls. We have no parks other than Rizal Park, and thatās 1-1.5 hours away.
What is the last thing you missed out on that you wanted to go to? My orgās alumni homecoming party last February. That day was also mine and Gabās anniversary. I missed out on both because my dad had booked a trip that weekend.
Do you have a secret nobody knows? Yes.
Who do you wish were your best friend? I already have my two dream best friends.
Who do you wish you could go on another date with?
Name a celebrity who has your natural hair color. Vanessa Hudgens, and thatās because sheās half-Filipino haha.
Which family member did you get your height from? My mom.
What color was the last popsicle you ate? I havenāt had a popsicle in a hot minute. I had a Cornetto yesterday though! It was chocolate flavored, so it was brown.
Do you feel stupid regularly? Of course.
How do you love yourself when you feel stupid? I donāt.
What's a great piece of advice you've heard? Too lazy to rack my head for past advice Iāve heard.
Do you like your butt? Yes.Ā
What style of wedding dress do you want? I want something Audrey Hepburn would wear and a dress that would suit a small-chested frame.
What does your dream house look like? Minimalist, square-shaped, large windows, predominantly white.
List ten girl's names you love. Olivia, Amelia, Mia, Harper, Isabella, Ava, Scarlett, Charlotte, Elizabeth, Julianna.
List ten boy names you love. James, Jacob, Luca, Julian, Liam, Mason, Miguel, Andres, Luis, Matteo.
Who was the last friend of yours to have a baby, and what's the baby's name? None of my friends have babies but I do have batchmates from my senior class whoāve already had their own. I donāt remember the names but Iām pretty sure they wouldnāt want it aired out either by their random classmate that owns a secret survey Tumblr blog either.
Are all of your friends having babies right now? I just said none of them are.
Who is the cutest baby you've seen on social media recently? Olivia and Amelia Manzano-Reyes!!! Yeah, the mom basically has the same taste in names as me :/
Do you know anyone who's given birth to twins? I know sets of twins, but I donāt know the moms who birthed them.
What's your biggest regret? I donāt really like dwelling on regrets so I always come up with nothing when asked this.
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