#got the worlds worst headache today too which means going on my phone hurts an unreasonable amount

[potatoeofwisdom]

Honestly way too tired to boop 1000 times which sucks cus I really want the last badge, I hope they don’t remove this feature too quickly, if I have another day I might be able to get it :3

[marquez-junky8920]

Hi there, I wanna request angst one shot with Fabio, please! Basically the plot is more towards those who argue bcs Fabio always prioritizes Tom even when Sierra really needs Fabio. Thank you!

Not Meant To Be

(I may or may not have cried writing this. It was so hard to make him the bad guy! 😭)

Scenario 1 - Bad Day

Today had been the worst day. Your boss was hounding you at work to get things done that you had no business doing, the phone was ringing off the hook, and you had a horrendous headache. At about 7:30pm, you headed home. That fact pissing you off even more, as you should've left at 3:00pm when your usual shift was up. You felt like crying and just laying in bed with Fabio while he held you and let you cry. You called him on your way home to tell him that you had a terrible day, and he was very sympathetic to that - offering his help in whatever way he could. However, when you got home, his best friend Tom was there and they were zoned out playing video games. They were so loud and rambunctious that Fabio didn't even hear you come through the door and toss your keys on the table. Too tired to even give a shit anymore, you walked to the bedroom to change clothes and go to sleep. Alone.

-

Scenario 2 - Birthday

"Are you kidding me Fabio? You missed my birthday to go have drinks with fucking Tom?" you shouted, looking at him sitting on the bed.

"I didn't know it was going to be this big of a deal!" he argued back, watching you grab your own hair and take a deep breath so that you wouldn't explode and say something you didn't mean.

"A big deal? Have I ever missed a single birthday, anniversary, or championship for you? To go have drinks with friends? No, because I know those things are a big deal to you. Why don't you do the same for me?" you asked, voice cracking at the end. He really hurt you this time by not caring or thinking about how it would effect you.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I fucked up and I'm sorry, Sierra. I don't know what I was thinking and I should've been here for you." he said, standing up from his spot on the bed to come and hug you.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt to have to tell my family that my boyfriend ditched me to go have drinks with his friend over me?" you cried, voice softer now as he held you.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I put you through that. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, my love." he pleaded, hugging you a bit tighter now.

-

Things got a little better after that conversation. He didn't miss your birthday the next year, no missed anniversary, and he was there a lot more. Until he wasn't and he changed.

Scenario 3 - The Last Straw

"How are you honey?" your dad asked, both of your faces emotionally exhausted from the recent loss of your mother. Cancer is a bitch.

"I'm fine." you said shortly, tears pricking your eyes as you looked at your dad.

"How are you really?" he asked once more, getting up from his spot on your couch to come cradle you in his arms as you sobbed uncontrollably.

"I know. I know." he said, trying to hold back his own tears to be strong for you.

"Why did this happen to us? We're good people dad! Why is this happening?" you cried through your sobs, heart pounding in your chest and your head throbbing.

You stayed with your dad for a few days to mourn, grief, and attend the funeral, then had to head back home to Fabio in Andorra. Which you were excited for because he had been there recently as you were going through the motions of your mother's cancer diagnosis.

"Fabio! I'm home!" you shouted, rolling your suitcase to the bedroom and walking through the apartment to search for him.

"Fabio?" you shouted once more only to be met with dead silence. You pulled out your phone and texted him.

Sierra: 3:43 pm

Where are you? I just got home.

Fab❤️: 3:55 pm

I'm out with Tom. I'll be back in an hour.

That... That right there was the last straw for you. You didn't even respond to him because you were being torn apart from the inside out right now. Your boyfriend, your world, and your rock was abandoning you. Choosing his friends over you. It all became too much for you too quickly. Your heart rate increased and you felt like you couldn't breathe. You slid down the wall in the bedroom and just sobbed as loud as you could. You were honestly surprised that the neighbors didn't hear you. Curling into a ball on the floor and crying, sobbing, hysterical seemed to be how a lot of your life was lately. Between ups and downs in your relationship and having to deal with going home for your mom's cancer treatments, you were physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. Picking yourself up off the floor after about 30 minutes, you stopped your tears and knew what you had to do. It was for your own sake.

Going into the closet, you pulled out every bag and suitcase you could find and began packing your things. Pictures, clothes, shoes, everything. All the memories you made together, all the inside jokes you had together, all of the screams, cries, and tears that were shed in this apartment - all of it meant nothing now. You were emotionally checked out, and once you hit that point, it's over. You knew yourself too well.

As you were packing your last suitcase with your clothes from the dresser, you heard the front door open and close. Fabio was home.

"Sierra? I'm home bab-... What is this?" he asked, looking at all of your packed bags on the bedroom floor.

"I'm done. I'm moving out." you said quietly and in such a numb voice that you didn't even recognize yourself.

"Why? Ra, talk to me." he said, walking towards you to take the clothes out of your hands and stand in front of you. Not in an intimidating way, but in a caring way.

"Talk to you? How can I do that when you're out with Tom all the time?" you said lowly, eyes casting upwards to look at him, and seeing Tom standing in the doorway of the bedroom.

"Can you give us a bit?" Fabio asked, ushering Tom out of the room as he shut the door behind him.

"Is this why you're packing your bags?" Fabio asked.

"Isn't it blatantly obvious? Fabio, my mother just died! And I come home from going through that, which you know damn well was difficult, and you're out fucking off with Tom again! Do you know how that makes me feel? I feel like you're a different person. I don't know you anymore. You've become so entangled with going out with friends and partying, and I get left here alone to wonder if you even love me anymore. I can't do this anymore." you cried, putting your last shirt in your suitcase and zipping it up.

"That's really how you want to end this? By walking out and not fighting?" he asked, a dumbfounded look on his face. You slowly turned back to him and pointed your finger at him.

"Don't you fucking dare. I have fought ENDLESSLY to try and fix this with you over the past year, and you want to sit here and throw that in my face that I didn't try?" you shouted and walked closer to him and got face to face with him.

"Fuck you." you whispered in disgust, grabbing your purse and bringing your suitcases outside, slamming the apartment door behind you.

"Sierra, wait! Wait." you heard Tom shout.

"Not the time, Tom." you sighed, putting your suitcase in your car.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know you 2 were having issues. I would've never invited him to anything if I knew this is how you were feeling." he explained, extreme remorse coating his face.

"Don't worry about it. Our issues aren't yours and my issue isn't with you. It's with the man standing up in that apartment and watching his girlfriend walk out, yet not even having the balls to come out here and fight for her. I have no issue with you Tom." you said, offering him a friendly hug and thanking him for explaining.

"It's time for me to go. It's best for all of us." you said, smiling weakly at him as you got in your car and started the engine. As you drove, you felt nothing. No more tears to cry, no more anger to put on anyone, no more fucks to give. You called your dad.

"Hello?" he answered. As sure as you were that you had finished crying, his voice always bringing you a sense of security. You weren't afraid to let him see you breakdown.

"Daddy, I can't do it. I couldn't do it anymore." you cried.

"Do what? What happened?"

"Fabio and I are done. I came home from staying with you after the funeral, and he was out with his friends again when he told me he'd be there. He told me he'd be there and he wasn't." your lip quivered, teeth nipping at it to stop.

"God... How dare he? Are you coming home?" he asked, anger filling his voice at the thought of a man hurting his daughter.

"Can I?"

"Of course. The spare bedroom is free. You can stay there until you get on your feet again. Come home sweetie." he said, a sob falling from your lips in relief that you had family to support you.

"I'm on my way. I'll be there in about 2 hours." you said. "I love you dad."

"I love you too honey. I'll see you when you get here."

"Alright, bye." you said, hanging up the phone and focusing on driving. Looking back in your mirror, you saw the apartment. There goes your life.

-

2 months had passed by, and you were doing somewhat better. You were getting over the emotional trauma of your mother passing away so suddenly, and the anger and the pain from your breakup. Fabio on the other hand, was an emotional mess.

He had come to the realization very quickly at how royally he fucked up losing you and pushing you out. You were his biggest supporter in life. His biggest fan, his future wife, you were his. Only his. And he missed you so much that it physically hurt him to think about it. He hadn't spoken to Tom, or anyone for that matter, since the day you left. He was in such a deep depression that he didn't get out of bed for about a week. He would lay in the bed until the late hours of the night and think of you. You were like a snake that had entwined with his brain and his heart, and you were constricting them both to the point where he could think of nothing else but you. Sierra. His Sierra. His world. He spent countless nights crying himself to sleep, thinking of how stupid he'd been to not fix the issue when you first brought it up. Cried thinking of how you must've felt when you lost your mom and he wasn't there to hold you when you got back. Or when he missed your birthday. Or wasn't there to help after you'd had a bad day at work. He wasn't there. He left you alone and he felt the effects of it, because now his worst fear came true. He lost you, and he was without his world.

"Paper or plastic?" the cashier asked you.

"Paper please." you said politely, watching her check your grocery items. Looking around at all the activity in the store, you saw the unmistakable head of dirty blonde hair above one of the check-out aisles. Fabio...

"Go ahead and swipe your card ma'am." she said, snapping you back to reality. Swiping your card, you signed your name and grabbed your things to walk out to your car. You had hoped he wouldn't recognize you, but of course he did. How couldn't he?

"Sierra, wait!" you heard a shout from right outside the store, turning around to see Fabio jogging towards you.

"What do you want?" you asked, sounding as unamused as possible.

"I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for fucking us up and making you feel unwanted and unloved. No one deserves to feel like that, especially you." he said. You could see how distraught he was - bags under his eyes, the whites of his eyes bloodshot, and he looked exhausted.

"You're right. I don't deserve to feel unloved and unwanted." you said, shutting your car door after putting the bags in the back.

"Look, sorry isn't going to fix this Fabio. You had a million chances to back your sorry's up with actions, and you missed every single one of them. Your apologies are just empty words now. It's not my fight to fight anymore because I wasn't in the wrong. I've made peace with the fact that we aren't meant to be anymore, and I think it's time you do the same. Goodbye Fabio." you said, opening the drivers side door and closing it behind you.

He was speechless. He didn't expect you to be so... Okay. So okay with losing him and what you'd shared with him. But he didn't realize how when you drove away, you saw him crouch to the ground and cry. He didn't realize that you cried watching him in your rearview mirror as you drove away. He didn't realize how much you wanted to hug him and kiss him again - feel his touch again. He didn't realize how much you wanted to accept his apology and how at war you were with yourself to stay strong and not give in.

And he didn't realize that you still loved him. But you couldn't focus on that now. You had to focus on moving forward and not looking back. Even if you still loved him.

END

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[espinosaurusrexex]

Not Nice

In which Jeff and y/n have a heart to heart conversation about their relationship.

warnings: angst; just really sad, because that's what I do... BUT don’t worry, ya girl put some serious fluff in there, too!

a/n: Hello! God, it’s been a long time... How is everyone doing? I just felt like putting something out there again after not being able to write for so long. I don't know why; and I should actually be working on some term papers, but I found myself writing this so fast. I wrote this, because I felt like it, so it is not request related. I hope there are still some people whose feed this will end up on. I would love some feedback and as always: please enjoy! I hope you didn't forget about me :)

word count: 2.7k

It was a cool California night. Still not cold for February, but enough to send a shiver through your body when stepping outside. Y/n would normally not even consider going out right now, but the situation had called for it. David had called her minutes before, screaming at her through the phone to get her butt over to his house for a big problem that left him sleepless. She had fallen asleep on her desk trying to complete one of the assignments that were due by the end of the semester and basically fell off her chair when her phone rang annoyingly loud in her right ear. To say that she would rather be in her warm bed instead of her cold leather car seat was an understatement. But she knew that not helping David would leave her sleepless for days and seeing that it had already been 4 in the morning, she grabbed her keys and left. She was so tired that the lines on the road kept blurring in different directions. Just a couple more minutes, she thought to keep her focus on the road, but the exhaustion was unbearable at this point. A loud horn drew her back to reality when she accidentally served in the other lane. Shaking and flustered, she pulled over and rubbed her face with her hands aggressively. Pull yourself together Y/n. David needs your help. She looked up again, but the headlights of the few other cars made her eyes hurt, giving her an instant headache. That’s it. She was selfless, but not irresponsible. After searching for her phone in the passenger seat, she dialed Jeff’s number. Why she called him, she didn’t know. It was like an automatic movement to type in his number. The shrill beeping of the phone echoed through her head until Jeff’s sleepy voice broke it. “Are you Ok?“ He sounded confused and his voice reminded her of the time he had a terrible cold. Shit. “Oh my God. I’m sorry I didn’t think about the time. I-,“ but Jeff interrupted his friend with a chuckle. “It’s Ok. I was about to get up anyway.“ There was silence, and Y/n could hear him shuffling out of his bedsheets. “David called me and said he wanted me to help him with something.“ Y/n could almost hear the eye roll on the other line, and if she weren’t so tired, she would have probably laughed at it. “I’m guessing he called you, too?“ It sounded more like a question, but Jeff knew that he was right. “Yeah that’s actually why I called…“ She rested her head on the seat. “I’m on Linkin’ Road and I am too tired to drive… I was wondering… I- Could you maybe pick me up?“ She closed her eyes to focus on her friend’s voice. Jeff was grinning, she could hear it when he agreed to pick her up. Y/n’s heart beat faster at this. It was so insignificant and yet so attractive to her.

A couple minutes passed until Jeff’s car pulled up next to hers, sending vibrations through the floor and back to Y/n’s. She looked up and spotted a grinning man on the driver’s side rolling down the window to throw a holler at her. “Need a ride, beautiful?“ Y/n smiled, trying to hide the butterflies in her stomach. She got into his car taking in his woody scent and buckled up. Jeff threw a blanket over her legs and drove towards David’s house. The Drive was about 20 minutes and spend with Jeff humming to the calm tunes of the radio that sent Y/n straight to sleep. When they finally arrived, he tapped her shoulder lightly. “Y/n wake up. We’re here.“ 

They both walked into the house and went straight for the living room, where David was probably seated. It was so bright that Y/n had to rub her eyes. As soon as the brunette noticed his friends, he jumped up excitedly. “Now that everyone is finally here…“ It was just now that Y/n noticed that her whole friend group was scattered in the living room, snuggled up with fuzzy blankets or their significant other. Everyone was looking up to David, who was now standing on top of his couch table waving his remote control in the air. “It came to my attention that our dear friend Jeff has a problem.“ His grin grew wider with every word and if Y/n weren’t so exhausted, she would have probably noticed the mischief in David’s eyes. Jeff was looking around the room, trying to figure out if anybody could give him a hint on what was about to happen, and in his mind, a series of problematic things, he had recently done, were playing like a record. „What do you mean?“ He laughed nervously and scooted closer to Y/n. It always calmed him down to feel her next to him. David proceeded to pull his audience’s attention to the TV behind him. A blurry picture showed on the screen, displaying a woman in a tight blue dress and Jeff dancing in a rather inappropriate way. “Jeff, I think someone might have leaked something to the paparazzi.“ Before Y/n could process what was happening, the room filled with laughter. Y/n stood there as if she had turned to stone, too tired to show any form of emotion. She struggled to pull the corners of her mouth into a smile but she felt like throwing up then and there. Why did he not tell me about this? Why is this making me so sad? It was when Jeff’s hand had touched hers, that she was pulled back to reality. A wave of emotions came crushing over her, making her eyes water and her already pounding headache intensify. She was mad for so many reasons. Mad about David for pulling her away from a much-needed sleep by using her good conscience and selflessness to get her to his house for an immature prank that broke her heart. She was mad that she had not realized sooner how much of an impact Jeff actually had on her. And most of all, she was mad about the fact that something so stupid could even make her mad. It was all too much, and Y/n could not hold it any longer. Her thoughts had been weighing her down for too long now, making her feel like collapsing under their pressure. “Y/n are you okay?“ David managed to yell across the room. “What do you think of Jeff’s new girlfriend?“ Those words hit her like a truck. Girlfriend. The word made her shiver. Jeff did not have a girlfriend for the entire time they had known each other and Y/n never had to deal with the possible bother she would get from it. “I think they look great together!“ Someone said and this made Y/n burst. “You wanna know what I think about it?“ Everyone cheered, waiting for Y/n to drop a punch line. “I think that you’re an asshole, David. This is such bullshit!“ Low laughter were heard until David spoke again: “Don’t be such a drag, Y/n/n.“ Y/n tensed up again and Jeff tried to nudge her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down, but she shrugged him off harshly. “You don’t know what it is like to have responsibilities. I am late on two assignments and the average amount of sleep I get each night is about 2 hours. And you know what I ditched those two hours for today? Your fucking stupid prank. You think you can order everyone at any time just to end up on a 4:20 min vlog. You live in some fucked up carefree parallel universe. But guess what! Not everyone has this reality. Grow up, David! I can’t do this anymore. Being your friend is beyond exhausting and you don’t even care. God! You are the worst person I know!“ The room fell silent until a quiet “That was so uncalled for…“ could be heard. Y/n searched the crowd for the source of that statement in vain. “I’m just saying what every-“ But Jeff interrupted her, “Y/n! That’s enough!“ She shot him a dark glimpse and left the house with a shaking head. 

Y/n trembled from head to toe when she burst through the door of David’s house and the brisk air hit her skin. She just started to walk with no direction in mind. Her view was blurry from the tears pooling up in her eyes, but she did not care. The exhaustion in her bones was making her body hurt. Y/n did not stop, though. She just walked in hopes of the pain in both her heart and body was going to fade after some time. It felt like hours until she finally stopped. Her feet had lead her to a familiar spot. A small clearing with a beautiful view over the city. She sat down and allowed herself to breathe for the first time in hours. What have I done?

It was still dark when Jeff's Car pulled up on the clearing. He sat in the driver’s seat for a while watching Y/n’s back shake and his heart felt squeezed. He always knew that he had a soft spot for her, but this felt different. Almost too much to process. He took a deep breath and walked up to Y/n, resting his hand on her shoulder once again. She looked up and smiled at him with this glimmering spark of sunshine in her eyes, but this time it wasn’t real. Not genuine enough for her. “I don’t get it. You seem like the happiest person in the world.“ Jeff sat down shaking his head while studying the floor beneath his feet. Y/n looked up. Anger flickered in her eyes as she realized what had slipped out of her friend’s mouth. “You wanna know why I’m always positive? You want to know why I’m always so ‚nice‘?“ Tears streamed down her face while she tried to hide the way her features cramped up in pain from the thoughts that flooded her brain like a tsunami. Y/n held her breath for a few seconds trying to collect herself before talking again. The attempt to cover up the ugly sobs that were about to slip her lips made her head feel like bursting. “I’m nice because I’m scared that if I speak my mind, people won’t like me anymore. I am positive because a lot of times I feel like that is the only thing that people could like about me.“ The words hit Jeff right in the heart. He caught her eyes for a second and shivered. He could see her breaking. Breaking to the point where it wouldn’t be a quick fix anymore that could be handled by a hug or kind words. No, the girl he saw in front of him, the very same girl that was sitting there, knees tucked to her chest, face hidden between it and her shoulders, was crumbling into a million pieces. Her body quivered as she attempted to hold her knees even tighter, trying everything to not fall apart any further. Jeff’s eyes started to water. It was a feeling he had never felt before. As if his heart was pulling on thin strains that were able to flood his entire brain with emotions yet so fragile. He hated seeing her like that. He hated everything about this situation. But the worst thing was that he didn’t know how to fix things. He wanted her to be happy, to be careless, and not let people’s opinions or some stupid assignment get the better of her, but he didn’t know how. It’s started to annoy him to the point where even the sky above him with the beautiful stars made him furious. “I had no idea…“ he trailed off after a while. Every word leaving his lips felt like one too much, but at the same time, he felt like he was not even able to say enough to fix things for her. “I’m so sorry.“ He just sat there shaking his head while moving some soil with his right hand. Y/n stayed quiet. She didn’t know what to say either. She felt bad for laying all her issues on him like that, but it felt so good. Iike a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Before she could even think about a response, Jeff interrupted her again. “You should feel able to tell me stuff like this, Y/n/n.“ They locked eyes and Y/n could see the pain in his. “No, I know… It's just that-“ “That what?“ Jeff was desperately hoping for anything that could help him help her. “I don't want to be a bother… especially not for you.“ She hid her face between her knees again, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill. “Oh, Y/n… You could never.“ He grabbed her hands and basically forced her to look back at him again. Y/n could feel the wet soil squeezed between their fingers, making her hand tingle a little. “Never in a million years do or say anything that would make me think anything less of you than an amazing person.“ A genuine smile formed on Jeff’s lips. He could see her relaxing with his touch. Just like he did with hers. “That means a lot, Jeff.“ The way she said his name sent shivers down his spine. His smile grew even wider and Y/n took the tiny bit of confidence in her to speak again. “Especially coming from you… I-“ Secretly hoping he would interrupt her like he always did, Y/n looked up through her lashes. “I know. Me too…“ Jeff smiled. There was this twinkle in his eyes. Just a faint glimmer for every other person, but for Y/n it meant the world. Like a whole new galaxy had been opened just for her. There was something so obvious and unspoken between them now and Y/n loved that they both knew what it was. With no intention to address it, Jeff leaned in closer to her. He watched her face with intent, making sure that she was feeling better from her previous breakdown before he planned on doing anything else. But all she did was smile and hint a small nod his way. That was enough for him. He longed for her lips. His hand wandered back to her shoulder, squeezing it slightly as he bumped his nose against hers. Y/n moved her fingers towards Jeff’s face, touching the scruff on his jaw lightly. They could feel the electricity dancing in the centimeters that separated them. With a final look into her eyes, Jeff pressed his lips against hers, enjoying the warmth for a moment. They started to move in synch, devouring each other. There was nothing else at this moment. Nothing, except for the salty taste of tears and the overwhelming warmth of a loved one. Jeff’s chest felt like bursting from joy. He loved the feeling this moment was giving him. It felt like finally breathing after holding a breath for a month. Their kiss felt like a Valve that had finally been opened for Y/n. It was letting all the hurt and worry out of her system and made the moment even more enjoyable. 

Once they separated from one another, there was nothing but positivity lingering in the air around them. They looked into each other’s eyes until Y/n was ripped from the moment by a yawn that had been sitting in her throat for hours. She rested her head on Jeff’s shoulder and slowly drifted off to sleep. Jeff was stroking her head calmly. There were no more words needed anymore. This moment was perfect.

Jeff looked ahead and noticed the sun rising on the horizon, dipping the world into beautiful red and yellow tones. He took a deep breath, leaning back carefully and enjoying the considerably most wholesome moment to ever exist. 

Hey hey, it’s me again. I know it’s not the best and I know it’s kinda short, but I just wanted to get something out there again. It felt good to write, but unfortunately I don’t have a lot of time lately. I hope you enjoyed this little piece anyways. I would love to hear some feedback on it. Thank you so much for reading this far!

[1kook]

commercial break ; THREE

this is a netflix & chill drabble kook’s pov during their argument in d&b !

summary; But Jungkook loves the sun. warnings; post-fight, drinking, heart ache :( miscellaneous; everyone say thank u kim namjoon 🤩 word count; 1.5k

notes; a lot of people wanted to know his thoughts during the iconic d&b fight scene so here’s the closure we all needed </3 

He knows he’s said the wrong thing the second the last syllable departs from his lips.

Jungkook doesn’t mean it, that much he knows right away, but even still… there’s a silent moment of shock between the two of you, one where even he is surprised by his own tongue.

You move first, phone whipping across the room.

Now Jungkook has seen a lot of scary things in his life. He’s seen horror movies and walked through a cemetery at night once. He’s come home way past curfew and had to face the wrath of his normally lenient father. He’s sat front row in his first ever college seminar. Yet none of that fear, that anxiety, that dread, compares to the level of emotion he feels wrap around his throat the moment you get up.

“___, wait,” he calls out frantically, hands shaking the further and further you get. He has to tell you he doesn’t mean it, that he would never mean it. But how do you follow up a statement like that? Even when he catches your eyes, beautiful irises colder than the bottom of the ocean, he doesn’t know what to say. He stutters through an excuse he wouldn’t have believed himself and watches you slip further away.

Jungkook can’t let you leave, not when you’re so hurt and he’s so confused, but what else can he say? He doesn’t know, and when you angrily send him back inside he feels every bit the scolded child. Funny how that works.

He calls and calls until he realizes the muted hum from upstairs is the phone you left behind. He’s crazy and in love, desperately scouring through your social media accounts for a sign you’re safe and home. (You were on Twitter three minutes ago, so that’s a relief.) But even then he can’t relax, turning his own words over and over in his head.

Jungkook values a lot of things in your relationship. There’s a beautiful understanding that comes with being in love, a new sense of comfort he’d never felt before. You make him feel warm and in love, keep him grounded when the world threatens to swallow him beneath its surface. You care for him and he for you.

Where those thoughts had come from, he didn’t know. All he knew was that one minute you were picking at the edges of his patience, and the next he was shooting a dagger into your chest.

Self-reflection, Namjoon had always said, the key point to understanding oneself. Usually, that’s followed by some tips on yoga, on calming the mind, but his leg won’t stop bouncing and there’s a boa constrictor wrapped around his throat so that zen mentality will have to wait for now. A harsh exhale, foot thumping against the floor.

Carefully, he unscrambles his thoughts.

There were times you were childish and, for the most part, Jungkook didn’t mind. You brought out the most beautiful things in life with just your laughter alone. You roped him into doing things he never could enjoy growing up, which made him rekindle his love for old hobbies. If sunshine was a person, Jungkook is sure it was you.

You were bright and ever-burning, always with a mission in your head, even if it was something as small as cleaning your windows that day. A star, he thinks, except your smile alone garners the power of ten supernovas combined. The amount of joy and euphoria you’ve brought him this past year was immeasurable. You made him smile, even when you were tired, rising every morning and setting every night dutifully just like the sun.

But too much sunshine could be hot, scorching even.

His mom had mentioned it once, very early into your relationship, how you were a little too childish for Jungkook. He had angrily defended you, stormed out of his parents' house like he was ready to leave them all for you. (Would he? He likes to think so.) But a mother’s advice always haunted one the most.

Yes, your youthful outlook made his life colorful and bright, but there were times he found himself wondering what it would be like to have someone… not as outgoing.

Someone plain and always collected. Someone who would gently remind him of his deadlines, and watch all his favorite documentaries with him. Someone like him, he supposed, who matched his interests perfectly.

It sounds awfully boring.

It sounds terrible to be damned to such a dull life, especially now that he’s had a taste of you. You, who brings laughter and sunshine everywhere you go, his amazing other half. He’d hate it if you always did what he wanted— he loves when you pick at everything he likes because you let him do it back! Jungkook’s head was a never-ending spiral— that much he’s known from a young age. But with you in his life, it became fun and exhilarating. Gone was the dark tunnel and in its place was a twisty slide with loops and turns that defied all laws of gravity. It wasn’t a scary place anymore and it was all because of you.

You, who he might possibly lose forever. His own negligence was to thank, an inability to voice small issues until they piled up and became this big, warped monster that no longer pertained to his original frustrations. It was an ugly thing, so twisted and vile, taking the thoughts he seldom had and weaponizing them against you.

Was that it? Had those mindless thoughts been the root of today’s brash decisions. Jungkook wants to blame it on that, but part of him knows it’s his own inability to share his feelings that led to that spontaneous outburst. There were obviously some things he still needed to work on, but pinning it all on you, his dazzling ray in the sky, was the worst move he could have made. Self-reflection, he repeats to himself.

His heart is still pounding in his ears, drumming obnoxiously loud as if it wants to torture him for his actions. His phone rings across the room and Jungkook lunges for it, hoping and praying it’s you.

It’s not.

It’s just Namjoon calling to wish the two of you a happy anniversary. “You two having fun?” he teases before Jungkook can get so much as a greeting in.

“Hyung,” he chokes out hoarsely, glancing down at the ground. “I-I said something to ___,” he whispers even though there is no one here to hide from but his own crippling thoughts. “And I don’t think she’s coming back.”

His voice cracks a little. He hides it with a gulp so dry it hurts. “What?” Namjoon asks. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook sighs, running a hand over his eyes. “Are you busy right now?”

—

“You need to go to bed,” Namjoon tells him, ambling the two of them up the stairs. Jungkook snorts, sliding against the entire wall on the way up.

“I refuse,” he announces. He has to pause on the next step because he’s pretty sure there’s about four of the same step whirling before his eyes. Beside him, Namjoon sighs. “Hyung, I can’t see.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes, deciding the stairs are too much of a hassle and guiding them back to the living room instead. “Couch,” he informs him before rather carelessly dumping him onto it. “Listen,” he begins, crouching down beside Jungkook. “It’s like, 4 AM… and I have work tomorrow. So I’m going to leave,” he says, slowly pointing in the direction of outside. Jungkook nods, even though Namjoon is definitely pointing upside-down backward. “Okay, JK?”

“That’s me,” he agrees, letting his head slump back against a throw pillow. Namjoon groans.

“That is you,” he concedes. “And you need to sober up before you try talking to ___ again.”

The mere mention of your name turns a switch on inside him. “Can’t,” he whines, features twisting up together. “She hates me. Will cut my balls off.”

Namjoon goes to protest but eventually stops himself. “Yeah, well. Probably.” Jungkook wails at his friend’s poor attempt at consoling him. “Sleep a little and then head over to hers, okay?” He pats him on the cheek once before finally making his exit.

Jungkook can’t believe this. How embarrassing. If you saw him right now, you’d clown him for getting this drunk off wine. But he truly understands it now. It was the devil’s drink, so sweet and cooling only to suddenly slap him across the face with his own insobriety. Oh, his head was going to ache badly later.

Well, that was a problem for later’s Jungkook, he decides as he slinks off the couch and back into the kitchen. There’s a new box of cherry vodka he’d bought just for tonight—or last night, technically—because he knows it’s your favorite. And well. He misses you so much he’ll do anything to feel close to you again.

He’s not sure how long he sits on the floor, swing after swing going down his throat until he’s got three extra fingers and a new middle name. Just that when the sun finally filters through, so warm and bright, he finds himself missing you again. His feet take him out the door before he can think twice.

The morning rays bring with them a wicked headache that almost has Jungkook throwing up into his bushes. Part of him, the last droplet of reason, tells him he should change. He’s wearing the same clothes from yesterday and they reek. Furthermore, the sun is hellbent on soaking up every inch of his black clothing.  

He should change if he doesn’t want to suffocate in this heat, under this blazing sun in the sky.

But Jungkook loves the sun.

He walks on.

—

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[getofy]

as you are loved by another

genre: angst; tsukishima x gn!reader | wc: 1.2k

—a/n: hello! this is long overdue but tysm for 100 followers aaa. it means a lot that people enjoy my stupid headcanons/word-vomits. as a gift i offer you: this angsty kei fic that i wrote in the wee hours of the morning. is it good? questionable. am i happy with it? not necessarily. however, posting this seemed better than scrapping so here we are </3. enjoy!

cw: brief mentions of death/funerals; self pity/deprecation; no spoilers; one-sided pining; hurt/no comfort

—synopsis: in which tsukishima’s not sure who he hates more: your new boyfriend or himself.

edit: i made it so when tsukki refers to ur boyfriend, it’s in italics. im so sorry i forgot to do that before.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈��┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

—Tsukishima had never considered himself to be a hateful person, and yet, here he was: laying in bed on a Friday night, thinking about you with him, and allowing levels of unprecedented envy to bubble up in his chest.

This was not how he had expected his night to turn out.

One moment, he had been doing homework at his desk, and the next, his mind was wandering to today at lunch when you giggled after receiving a text message from your insufferable boyfriend. The memory lasted for only a short moment, but it was all it took to make his head spiral. He had tried to control it, but once his brain got going, it was hard to get it to stop; eventually, he had to retire from being productive to rotting on his mattress.

Generally, Tsukishima was good at keeping sentiments such as these at bay. But it’s been getting harder to do that now, especially since you and him have been so affectionate together recently.

The cruelty of it all leaves him feeling burned by the fire of his jealousy, and a natural disaster of his own making plays out in the depths of his heart as he studies the intricacies of his bare, white ceiling. A song by some band he couldn’t bother to remember the name of emits itself loudly from his phone speakers while the middle blocker desperately tries to stop his train of toxic thinking. He rolls from his back to his side and lowers the annoying music’s volume; not even the most incredible lyrical masterpiece could pull him from the devastation the conflagration of his emotions had been causing him as of late.

And, besides, the sound was giving him a headache. He preferred to brood in silence.

The intensity of his feelings irritates him. Despite his outwardly antagonistic exterior, Tsukishima had always believed his tendency for total apathy would take precedent over any other negative emotion—including jealously.

Tonight, however, was proving this preconceived notion of his character completely wrong.

This wasn’t the first time he’d wasted his night thinking about you and him. Ever since the day you had giddily announced your new relationship, Tsukishima had been allowing himself to become more acquainted with the green-eyed monster, and this evening, he relishes in its company more than usual.

Pity parties like this—which was shaping up to be the worst one to date—had been happening to him more frequently. Feelings of contempt had become his newfound obsession in the sense that they consumed his very being. Hating him was easier than hating himself, and he enjoyed it. The only downside towards living so sullenly was that it made him realize that, more often than not, guilt was a close companion of unwarranted negativity.

Tsukishima knew better than anyone else how outrageous his feelings were. And feeling this way did trouble him, but then again, how could he not be envious?

Seeing the way his hand wrapped around your waist. Recalling the way his fingers traced little shapes into your hands. Remembering the way his eyes followed you as you walked out of the room—as if Kei’s hadn’t been the ones that did that first. It was all just too much for him to bear. Knowing that he made you happy in a way that he could not.

The overwhelming knowledge of his inadequacy makes the middle blocker want to double over in anguish, but he won’t, not yet. He is much too proud to allow himself to display such sorrow, so he’ll settle for feeling hatred tonight instead.

Of course, he knows that he’s in no position to be feeling this way. You were never his, and he had never shown interest in changing that. It was only a matter of time before someone swept you off your feet and gave you the affection he had neglected to provide you with. This whole situation was very obviously his fault. If he had been brave enough to confess before he had, maybe he’d be the one you loved instead. Or maybe not. Your new boyfriend was absolutely perfect for you, and Kei was anything but.

This was so tirelessly aggravating. Why did you have to be stupid and date somebody he could never compete with?

White-hot resentment flows through his veins, and he’s not sure if it’s directed at you, himself, or the man you love. Regardless, one more second of this suffocation, and he thinks it’s likely he’ll die by the morning time. The thought of it makes him laugh, and it temporarily lifts the burden on his heart.

Maybe his funeral would be green-themed. That wouldn’t be so bad—he quite likes the color. Or maybe his tombstone would say something like: ‘Tsukishima Kei: A son, a friend, and someone left gasping for air after being smothered to death by the tight grip of unjustifiable envy.’

Wouldn’t that be something?

Tsukishimas mind betrays the light-heartedness of the moment ruined when, bitterly, it wonders how much you’d care if his death—albeit a metaphorical one—actually did happen.

You probably wouldn’t be too concerned, especially now that you’ve got...someone who isn’t himself who would happily help to console you as you grieve. You were always gushing about how your new boyfriend was such a good listener. One kiss from that guy would probably make any pain you felt about his own fictional death go away in an instant.

Not that he would blame you. Tsukishima thought himself to be pretty forgettable. And he was anything but.

Why reminisce on the underwhelming memory of his own life when you had someone who shone so much brighter than he ever could to focus on instead?

He hates this—the way he let it get this bad. What was wrong with him? He was acting like an entitled child watching other kids play with a toy he wanted to play with. And he hated himself for it. You were a person, not a possession. And even if you were, you were still not his to have.

No, you belonged to someone infinitely better.

Someone who made you smile bigger than he ever could. Someone who made you laugh harder than he ever would. Someone who he despised—second only to himself—more than anyone else in the world.

As he rests in the still of his room, evaluating how intelligent he could possibly be after doing something as stupid as falling for one of his best friends, Tsukishima Kei decides that while he may hate your lover, he hates himself more.

A strange melancholy replaces his previous feelings of jealousy, and his typical level of self-loathing cranks it’s way up to 100. There’s a growing ache in place of where his heart should be, and Kei shakily brings his hand to clench at it. When the pain does not subside, he deduces that his current level of grief was inconsolable. Wearily, the middle blocker shuts his eyes close and allows himself to escape to the bliss of sleep.

Maybe, he’d be able to outrun the misery of loving you as you are loved by someone else in the world of dreams.

He hopes he can.

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission.

a/n: again, i apologize for not being super active (mental illness goes hard), but i’ve been feeling better so hopefully that changes! likes + reblogs are always appreciated and feel free to give me constructive criticism (i know i need it lol). i hope you enjoyed.

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[lustinglilac]

Hi can I get a Sad Eyes x reader with numbers #15 & #46 from the prompt list where the reader is Oscars ‘little’ sister and she’s going through something (maybe MH issues?) and her liking Sad Eyes isn’t helping her and Sad Eyes is worried about her. Thank youuu lovely🥰🤎

The only MH issue that I would feel comfortable writing about is anxiety so I hope you don’t mind! I got a little carried away with this. *ALL credit for the name José goes to other writers*

Part 2 to this request!

TW: anxiety, panic attack

15. “Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”

46. “What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

GIF BY: @merakiaes 🖤

It had been a few days after the incident and her confessing her love for her brother’s best friend.

She cringed every single time she thought about it, wanting to go back and delete the message as if it never happened.

But she found solace in the fact that he’d admitted some type of feeling back to her.

“Jasmine— I feel terrible. What if he was just saying that to say it? To not hurt my feelings?” The doubt settling in rather quickly as she spoke to one of her good friends.

Jasmine sighs, “Babe, for as long as we’ve known him, he would never do that to you. Ever. And if he does, I’ll beat his ass up, honey.”

“I don’t know how to feel. I just need some time.” She nods her head, convincing herself that that’s all she needed, time away from him.

•••

As if on cue, Sad Eyes had shown up to the house to drop something off for her brother. She didn’t bother to leave her room to greet him and he noticed. Usually, she’d be the first to smile and hug him when she’d see him.

The shuffling outside of her doorway caught her attention for a second, hoping no one was going to come in, “Cesar— how’s your sister doin’?” José asks hushedly.

“She’s good. Just wasn’t feeling well today so she might be sleeping.” Cesar answers.

“It’s 6 o’clock... she never goes to sleep this early.” He thinks back to the times she’d stay up waiting for Spooky to come home after a late night meeting.

“Yeah, early night, I guess.” Cesar merely shrugs, trying to take attention away from the situation. “C’mon, let’s go see what Oscar’s doing.”

With that, the two of them leave. José’s first instinct being to burst through her bedroom door and give her a hug, like she’d given him so many times before. But, he composed himself, hoping she’d feel better tomorrow.

That night, he’d texted her wanting to make sure she was okay.

José Guzman: Hey. I stopped by.. Cesar told me you weren’t feeling well. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Goodnight.

Her screen lit up with his name, her eyes welling up with tears as she read the message. She sniffles back a sob, locking her phone and putting it under her pillow, a stray tear streaming down her face.

The next day, she’d woken up with puffy eyes, getting out of bed slowly as not to disturb the pounding in her head. She brushed her teeth and did her hair, putting on clothes and walking out of her room into the kitchen where her brothers were.

“Good morning. You feeling okay?” Cesar was the first at her side offering her a bowl of cereal, to which she hesitantly took.

Oscar looks up from his phone, “What happened? Everythin’ okay, hermana?” His dark eyes concerned as he looked at his younger sister.

She nods slowly, trying not to cry again, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay.” She swallows down the lump in her throat, refusing to look at her brothers until she didn’t feel the urge to cry.

Anxiety was a bitch. Always had been. Not allowing her to fend for herself and especially making her think she wasn’t capable of anyone loving her.

José made it a promise, even though she hadn’t known, that he’d always be there for her just like Oscar and Cesar were. She was his to protect.

“¿Estas segura?” Oscar puts his phone down, putting his full attention on his sister.

“Si, estoy bién.” She grins softly, avoiding eye contact with him all together. He takes her soft hand in his, squeezing it gently, as if to let her know he was there for her. He’d always be.

“I’m gonna get going, Ruby’s waiting for me. I’ll see you later, text me if you need me, okay?” Cesar kisses the top of her head, grabbing his bookbag and walking out the door.

Oscar waits until the door shuts to talk to her, “If it’s your anxiety again— I want you to know you’re better than it. You can overcome it. Don’t let it bring you down, don’t ever lose yourself to it. You are stronger than it. ¿Comprendes?”

She only nods, afraid that if she speaks up, her emotions would get the best of her. She finishes up her breakfast, putting the bowl in the sink.

“Here— I got it. Why don’t you go rest for a little. It’s early.” Oscar points his chin in the direction of her bedroom, egging her towards it.

She walks to her room, taking him up on his offer, removing her slippers at her bedside and cozying up to her duvet. The message from the night before flashing in her mind. Maybe she’d find the courage to text him after her nap.

•••

She had woken up around 1 o’clock in the afternoon, feeling slightly better than in the morning. Checking her phone, she had messages from Jasmine and a missed call from Cesar. She quickly responded to both and opened the one message she had yet to reply to.

Diaz: Sorry I fell asleep early. I’m okay just had a bad headache.

Locking her phone, she got up to use the restroom. “Oscar? Cesar?” She called out around the hall, hesitating when she didn’t hear a response.

The sound of a door opening and shutting caught her attention as she shut off the tap, walking out of the bathroom. She jumps slightly at the sound of footsteps, turning around to see his tall figure standing there.

“My bad, I ain’t mean to scare you.” José puts his hand up, “I came by to see how you were feelin’. Cesar said you were home.” He clears his throat, looking over his shoulder and back to her trying to gage her reaction.

She shakes her head, “You didn’t have to. I told you I’m good.” She smiles though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, something he definitely didn’t miss.

“Stop pretending you’re okay. ‘Cause I know you’re not.” The words leave his mouth before he can stop himself, reaching for her shaking hand. He hated seeing her like this.

The middle Diaz lets out a shaky breath, finally finding the courage to look at him, “José, I just don’t— I’m scared you’re gonna lead me on. And I don’t want that, I really don’t. About the other night, I didn’t want you to say you liked me back just because I said it to you.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “You know that I love you, right? That I’ll always be there for you? I made a promise to your brothers that I would protect them but, also, that I would protect you in case anything ever happened. And I intend to keep that promise ‘til the end.” He punctuates his sentence with a kiss to the back of her hand.

“José—“ She stops, the room around her spinning, “I-I think I’m about to have a panic attack.” Clutching onto his shirt, her breathing picking up.

“Hey, hey, look you’re okay. I gotchu. I’m right here.” He holds her close, rubbing comforting circles onto her back.

“I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to see me like this.” She sniffles, her voice coming out small against his chest. She felt as if the world was coming down around her and her heart was about to come out of her chest.

“See you like what, nena? I will love you at your worst and I will love you at your best. Lo prometo.” He kisses the top of her head, pressing his cheek to her forehead. “C’mon, let’s go to your room. Te ayudare, I’ll help you.”

The both of them walk slowly to her bedroom. He sits her down on the bed, helping her under the duvet as he situates himself so she’s still able to see him.

“My heart’s racing— I c-can’t calm down.” She closes her eyes, trying to focus on her breathing yet nothing was helping. She takes his palm and places it on her ribcage, holding it there firmly.

José sighs softly, smoothing down her hair, “You’re okay, mi amor. I’m right here, I’m not goin’ nowhere.”

“José— you need to hold me. It’s the only thing that helps.” She speaks breathlessly, scooting over on her tiny bed to give him room to fit. She knew it helped her because of the many times she’d ask Cesar to sleep with her on nights where her anxiety flared up more than usual. The presence of someone she loved near her would put her more at peace.

He lays behind her, one arm tucked into the crook of her elbow while the other rested on top of her head, soft caresses making her feel more at ease.

“Better?” He hums softly, feeling her breathing slowing down as she held his hand tightly.

She nods her head, “Yeah— just stay here for a minute. I’ll be okay.”

“I know you will.” He presses his lips to the back of her head, “What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. Would you believe me then?” He asks even though he can’t see her face.

She opens her eyes slowly, turning her head to the side to look at him, “Really?”

“Sí, es verdad.” He assures her, the beating of her heart picking up under his palm again. He was worried he was gonna put her through another panic attack but she seemed better than a few minutes ago. More calm.

“I never knew. I just thought Oscar had scared you into never talking to me for longer than 5 minutes because he didn’t want anything happening between us.” She thinks back to all the times where José would simply drop her off at their home and leave, not a word more. And when he did have a conversation with her, Oscar was always there spectating.

“Well that too. Shit, if he were to see us now, I’d have my ass handed to me, mami.” José chuckles as she laugh softly along with him, the sound like a melody to his ears.

She leans up on her elbows looking down at him, “I feel better now. Thank you— for this.” Her eyes glimmering with what could only be described as love for her protector.

“Don’t mention it.” He leans up to kiss her shoulder, “I gotchu forever, nena.”

[just-the-daydreamer]

Too much

By @just-the-daydreamer for @ferretshark 

@friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker

Characters: Peter Paker, Tony Stark, Ned Leeds, FRIDAY (Marvel), May Parker (mentioned)

Summary: 

“I-I think it’s a sensory overload. I don’t know what caused it. Everything is just, too much!” Peter managed to grit out, hands still locked in place over his ears. They weren’t really helping him filter out the sound, but it gave him something to focus on.

OR

Peter wakes up with a sensory overload and Tony is there to help him out.

Ao3 link (Doesn’t work yet)

Taglist:

@paradoxicalblueberry @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @aatticsaltt @marvel-us-world @tony-wheres-my-supersuit @sketchydragonscales @baloobird @a-l-ias @spideynamu @troubledpixel @irondad-is-cannon-bitch

Hi! I really hope you enjoy this!! I tried to keep the whump to a minimum and tried my best at Protective Tony! I hope you like it!

Peter’s head was pounding. He’d only woken up a few minutes ago but he was sure that it was not going to be a Good Day. The fabric of his shirt was rubbing against him in a way that seemed to burn and the blanket felt even worse. The only reason Peter even kept the blanket was to hide himself from the light. It was burning his retinas. 

His alarm clock suddenly went off and the shrill ringing was even more painful than the light. His hand shot out from under the blanket and switched it off before yanking his arm back underneath. He groaned quietly after remembering that he had a math test and he couldn’t skip school, even though his body was begging him to. 

Dragging his body out of bed was one of the most difficult experiences he had ever dealt with as Peter Parker. Usually, the painful stuff was left for Spiderman to deal with. Somehow, Peter managed to get ready for school, wearing the comfiest clothes he owned. 

Forcing his legs to move, Peter made his way to the kitchen to grab the lunch he had prepared yesterday evening. He snagged a few nutrition bars to eat along the way. They would, hopefully, keep his energy up until lunch. 

The commute to school was awful, being in a compact area pressed up against countless other people was nauseating. Peter stumbled out of the carriage and made his way to the gates, head still spinning from the journey. He staggered into his homeroom seat and as soon as his bag was off, he rested his head against the cool table for some relief. 

“Peter? Are you okay?” Ned leaned across his table to whisper his question in Peter’s ear. 

“I’m fine. Just a headache.” He replied, stringing the least amount of words together to suffice Ned’s worrying. 

“It doesn’t look like ‘just a headache’ to me. Should you even be at school?” Ned continued to press the issue, unaware of how Peter truly felt. 

Peter turned his head to whisper, eyes still closed, “I’m fine, Ned.” Before continuing to rest his head against the table. 

Ned backed off after that. It was a small mercy which Peter was grateful for. He just hoped that everyone else would leave him alone. 

-

The misshapen, paper ball hit its target once again. The target being the back of Peter’s head. It was really irritating him and he was already in a bad mood. It seemed his senses had become even more sensitive and now he couldn’t block out anything. The longer the day went, the worse he felt. It was a mistake coming into school but any more missed days and Peter would’ve faced disciplinary action. 

His original plan was just to keep his head down, hood up and try to focus on blocking everything out but that plan was soon scrapped after getting told to take his hood off. His new plan was to tough it out until after the maths test and go home, saying he was sick. Less than an hour in and Peter was just about ready to leap out of the window and go home anyway. 

Flash had been getting extremely on his nerves today and Peter didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. He was really regretting not sleeping in now. 

As the lesson continued to drag on, Peter’s head began to hurt even more. The fluorescent lights were piercing his eyes, even when he had them closed. The thumping sound of his classmates’ heartbeats surrounded him and their droning chatter was vibrating in his ears. He could smell the wood shavings from someone’s pencil and the food in people’s bags, all mixing together to form a repulsive odour that only he could smell. His clothes brushed against his skin and its touch was the worst sensation he could have felt. He couldn’t imagine how much worse it might have been if he hadn’t chosen comfy clothes that morning but he didn’t really want to think about it. 

The bell rang and the sound of thousands of feet shuffling and stomping against the ground was all that Peter could hear. The ringing was still echoing through his eardrums and the noise of the people’s conversations and their shoes squeaking on the floor was too much. 

He wanted to tear his ears off, the world was so loud. His hands instinctively moved towards his ears, trying to block out as much noise as he could but the vibrations still made their way to his overwhelmed eardrums. It was so loud it felt like his brain was rattling in his skull. 

His fingers were still clamped over his ears when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. Judging from their grip, Peter assumed it was Ned. Peter opened his eyes, not even realising that he had closed them at any point, to find an empty and blindingly bright room and Ned behind him. 

“Okay, what’s going on, Peter? Don’t lie to me and tell me you’re fine.” Ned said with a firm tone. He removed his hand from Peter’s shoulder and crossed his arms, looking (rightfully) displeased. 

“I-I think it’s a sensory overload. I don’t know what caused it. Everything is just, too much!” Peter managed to grit out, hands still locked in place over his ears. They weren’t really helping him filter out the sound, but it gave him something to focus on. 

“Look, I think you should go see the nurse. Maybe she’ll let you go home or she might be nice and let you sleep it off. Either way, I really think that you shouldn’t be in school today.” Ned’s voice was softer this time, lower in volume. It wasn’t much but it gave him the slightest amount of relief. 

“Can’t go home. Got a maths test. May’s at work, too." 

"Oh my gosh, Peter! You can’t seriously believe that you’ll be able to take a maths test when you can’t even stand up right now and get a good score! You can retake the test another day - Mrs. Davis loves you anyway so just take the day off.” The teen softly exclaimed, astonished at the stupidity of his best friend. 

“I don’t wanna make a scene, Ned." 

"I think you already made a scene when the bell rang and you were still sitting here with your hands over your head. Plus, I’m already late to my next lesson so I might as well have a proper excuse.” And with that, Ned hauled Peter out of his seat, careful not to irritate him too much. He grabbed his friend’s bag and threw it over his shoulder before hovering around Peter in case his knees buckled. 

-

A painful couple of minutes later, the duo arrived outside the nurses office. Ned was already 10 minutes late so he just stayed with Peter and explained the situation to the nurse. He was already late, why not help his friend out while he’s there? 

Peter’s details were taken and May was called but the nurse was obviously disappointed that she didn’t pick up.

Even though they’d already said she was at work.

So, Peter’s second emergency contact was called and it went about as well as Ned would’ve imagined. 

“Hello? My name is Susan Lee and I’m calling on behalf of Peter Parker. Is this Mr. Stark?" 

"This is him, yes. Is Peter okay-" 

"He’s feeling a bit ill. He has a headache and he says he feels sick. His aunt didn’t pick up the phone so we had to call you. Is it alright for you to pick him up?" 

"I’ll be there soon, thanks for calling me.” The phone cut off with a beep and Miss Lee set the phone down softly on the desk. 

The nurse whirled around towards Ned and raised a shaky finger at his face. With wide eyes she questioned, “There is no way that was Tony Stark! How does” - she pointed her finger towards a pale and unresponsive Peter instead - “ that boy know Tony Stark?!”

Honestly, Ned was slightly impressed at how calm she had been while talking to a literal celebrity. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t unnerved by her accusing finger. He backed away from her slightly, shifting his gaze between her concentrated gaze and Peter, who was collapsed against a table by his chair. 

“He interns for Stark Industries! I think he’s Mr. Stark’s personal intern!" 

"There is no way Stark Industries hires high school interns!” She pressed, hand slowly sinking into her lap. 

“Don’t shoot the messenger! If you don’t believe me, why don’t you just wait and see? Mr. Stark said he’s coming to pick Peter up anyway so you’ll see him then!” Ned tried to placate her but he wasn’t sure if she would listen or not. It was quite intimidating to be honest, Miss Lee was always a nice nurse so this side of her was kind of terrifying.

Ned checked on Peter, saying his 'get wells’ and goodbyes one more time before turning to leave. He was late enough, and he didn’t need to be there for Mr. Stark’s arrival. 

-

Tony burst into the school with an air of calm disguising his worry. Peter was never one to just get a headache and go home, so either he was hiding an injury or something worse had happened. 

When he opened the door, the first thing he could see was a head of curly brown hair slumped against a small table adjacent to a row of chairs. His thinly veiled calmness almost shattered there and then but he managed to hold it together to turn to the nurse and sign some papers, muttering something about taking Peter home. 

Tony truly had no idea what he had said, he felt like he was in a haze, but whatever it was, it seemed to work and he gathered Peter’s things before turning to said teen. 

He crouched down in front of him and ran a calloused hand through the boy’s sweaty hair. 

Tapping the side of his face he whispered to the teenager. “Hey, Pete. A little birdie told me you weren’t feeling too hot today. You wanna get outta here?" 

A small nod was given in response and that was all that Tony needed to help Peter up and walk them out the school gates. 

-

The drive back was… painful to say the least. Tony tried to drive as fast as he could back to the Tower but Peter was in pain the entire time. It killed him to see the kid in so much pain but there was nothing he could do at that point. He’d already given Peter his sunglasses which seemed to help a little and the kid had already grabbed some soundproof headphones from his bag, but even then he could still hear sounds. 

The kid had also explained briefly that he was having a sensory overload, which was something that Tony could deal with. At the Tower.

On the road, however? Not so much. 

When they finally reached the elevator, FRIDAY took them straight up to Tony’s personal floor. 

As soon as the doors opened, Tony whispered, "Protocol Bedtime.” Immediately the lights went off and Tony guided a much more relaxed Peter towards his room, through muscle memory alone. 

He had Peter change out of his clothes and put on something softer to wear to sleep. He wasn’t really sure what to do to help Peter, but some rest seemed like a good idea. Hopefully, he’d be able to sneak away and build something to block out input. 

Forcing Peter to lie down, Tony closed the curtains in his room and sat down on the mattress next to where the young adolescent laid. 

“You feeling better, kiddo?” Tony whispered at what he hoped was a suitable volume. 

“Um, yeah. Yeah everything’s great.” Peter fidgeted under the covers. 

“You sure? Because if there’s anything I can do just say the word, it’ll be done.”

“Erm, yeah, there’s-there’s this one thing. It’s really embarrassing though and- actually it’s fine don’t worry about it.” Peter decided, pulling the covers over himself and looking away from Tony’s gaze. 

“Come on, kiddo. Spit it out. I want to help you. I bet it’s not even that embarrassing. What is it? You need the toilet but I tucked you in too well?” Tony replied with a small smile, hoping he could get Peter to talk. 

“Wi-will you stay?” Peter asked, tentatively, glancing back at Tony. 

The billionaire’s eyes softened as he glanced at the kid- his kid. He would do anything for this kid and his heart was bursting with so much love for him. He wouldn’t admit it though. He had a reputation to keep. 

“Of course I’ll stay. Scoot over would you?” Tony slipped his shoes off and sat under the covers with Peter who’d moved away from the centre of the mattress. 

Peter immediately moved closer to his mentor, until his head was against his hip. Peter rolled on his side to face Tony and he closed his eyes, taking relief in his father figure’s presence. Tony didn’t say anything, just placed his hands in Peter’s curls and began untangling the knots that had formed. He didn’t know if it would help Peter, but his blissful expression said everything. Tony stayed with him, carding his fingers through Peter’s soft hair, until he was sure that the teen had fallen asleep. Trying to be as silent as possible, Tony extracted himself from the bed and slipped his shoes on before exiting the room. 

He headed down to the lab and told FRIDAY to notify him when Peter woke up. He left a message for May, explaining what had happened and that Peter was okay. Then he got to work. 

-

“Boss, Peter has woken up.” FRIDAY helpfully informed him a few hours later.

“Thanks, FRI. I’ll be up there soon." 

Tony made his way up to his floor, some sleek earphones in hand. Opening the door softly, he poked his head through the door and looked to see a half asleep Peter sitting up, his hair wild and sticking out. A soft chuckle was heard from Tony as he opened the door completely and walked inside, heading towards the confused hero. 

"What’s happening?” Peter’s voice was scratchy and raw. 

“You had a sensory overload. You hungry?” Tony replied, setting the earphones down on Peter’s lap. 

“What’re these?” Peter asked, turning them over in his hands. 

“Earphones. Hopefully, they’ll block out the worst of the sounds when you’re in public. I made them small so you can wear them in class and still hear what’s going on without being overwhelmed.” Tony replied with a shrug. 

Suddenly, he had an armful of Peter who was holding on tightly to the billionaire. Tony smiled and after a few moments he returned the hug, gripping the kid just as tight. 

When they finally separated, Tony started to tame the boy’s hair, smoothing it down. “I asked you a question earlier. You hungry?” Tony said, his lips quirking up into a smile. 

“Starving. I was gonna go home at lunch after I had my math test but…” he trailed off, looking bashfully at his father figure. 

All Tony could do was laugh at his stupidity. His kid had no common sense. “What am I going to do with you, kiddo?" 

"Make me a grilled cheese sandwich?” Peter replied, voice hopeful. 

“Sure. Let’s go.” Tony snorted, pulling Peter up and leading him into the kitchen. The billionaire pulled him into a one-armed hug while they made their way into the kitchen. 

He couldn’t hide his grin when Peter leaned closer.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #362

(this is actually from yesterday but i never posted it and now i don’t feel like updating the answers, so yeah)

Have you ever been cheated on? No. Who’s car were you last in? My mom's. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced multiple times, but each time the hole closed after my piercings had to be taken out at the psych hospital. The final time though, it closed because the damn stud fell out in my sleep for the billionth time, I couldn't find it, and I let it close out of annoyance. Have your parents ever smoked pot? My dad has. Do you tend to make relationships complicated? I mean, I don't think so. I hope not. Are you good at giving directions? NO. Like, I can't. I would accidentally lead you to the middle of the ocean. Would your mom care if she found condoms in your room? She'd be confused as fuck because I live with her so she knows for sure I'm not seeing anyone. Did you speak to your father today? No. Did you kiss someone before you were sixteen? No, it was actually a month after turning 16. Could you go a day without eating? Nooo. I've said before and I'll say it again, I don't deal with abdominal pain well, so yeah. Are your nails always painted? They never are. Have you ever met any bands/band members before? No. What color is your hair? Boring 'ole brown. .-. Your best friend needed somewhere to stay, could they live with you? She absolutely could. I know Mom would welcome her without hesitation. Have you danced in the rain? No. When you said something naughty when you were little, did your parents wash out your tongue with soap? No, but it was threatened. What do you think of spanking little children when they do something wrong? Okay or not? No, it is absolutely not okay. You do not teach children through fear, ever, nor do you show children that it is ever okay to hit people when you're upset. Who was the last male you hung out with? Uhhh, I think Girt? I haven't truly hung out with a guy in a long time. Who is your favorite person to text? Sara. Who did you last take a picture with? My sister. What’s your favorite brand of jeans? I don't have one. Which show is better: Spongebob or The Fairly Odd Parents? The latter. Both can be funny, but Cosmo cracks me up. Has anyone ever told you that you looked like someone else? I actually think the only time I was ever compared to someone else (make-believe, at that) was when I dressed up for Halloween one year and a friend told me I looked like Eileen Galvin from Silent Hill 4: The Room. Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? Yesssss. Who is the most overrated singer? Idk, I don't even know who's "in" right now. What is your favourite planet? Saturn. Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? No. Do you own anything that you had when you were a baby? Yes, stored away. Do you enjoy Mario games? Mario Kart is fun, but otherwise I'm not a massive fan. What’s your favorite online game? World of Warcraft. Have you ever been hit with a ball in gym class? I think so. I was always terrified of the days we got to play dodgeball or whatever, like that shit hurts. Do you ever turn your cell phone off? No. Who was last to cook for you? My ma. Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? Usually. Who is your most trusted person? My mom, probably. How late did you stay up last night? God, I don't even know. Last night was my sleep study, and I was so uncomfortable in that bed that I slept maybe only an hour or two. Hell, or less. I also couldn't sleep on my stomach, which really didn't help because that's always how I sleep. I'm exhausted now and have such a headache. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car, I guess. I very rarely sing anywhere. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? FUCK YES. You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? Panic like a motherfucker internally, avoid eye contact, and try to evade him (not like he'd actually pursue me) without being too obvious. Have you been/are you depressed? Both. Are your pop-ups blocked on your computer? Yes. Have you ever ridden in a car with someone who was high? Yes, because I was afraid to tell her I didn't want. Thank fuck we got home safe. I was absolutely, positively terrified we'd be pulled over. Who is the best hugger you know? Ha, actually the person I just mentioned. Have you ever had to be put to sleep for an operation? Yes. Does anybody have any proof of stupid things you have done? Oh, Facebook comments... Why did you text the last person in your inbox? I was replying to my mom. Have you ever been able to do a split? No. Did you ever date the last person you kissed? Yes. Are you intimidated by the last person you know talked badly about you? She doesn't "intimidate" me, no. She just gets on my last goddamn nerve every time she opens her mouth. Have you ever cried in school? Yes. Last person of the opposite sex you screamed at? I've never screamed at a guy because I'm afraid of them. I've sobbed at Jason, so like my voice was raised, but it definitely wasn't screaming. Do you have any weird sleep habits? Well, speaking of screaming, my nightmares have me shrieking in the middle of most nights. I also talk in my sleep like, a lot. Do you consider yourself an emotional person? Very. When was the last time you had a headache? This morning, I'm sure because of how shitty I slept. When was the last time you encountered a puppy? Prepare for a rant... We have one right now, even though our landlord told us specifically no puppies because of all the housetraining they require. My mom has been wanting a dog, and Tobey finally agreed to it, and she's been looking for a while. So my sister Ashley randomly shows up with a stray puppy a friend was keeping, terrified and LOADED with ticks, and she's reminding Mom and I why we DON'T WANT A PUPPY. She's peeing everywhere BUT outside (specifically on a stupid fucking expensive carpet that Tobey will have a cow over just ONE stain), is terrorizing my cat, and has an overwhelming amount of energy. Ashley specifically told me that if Mom doesn't let Ash know, I needed to tell her if the puppy was stressing Mom out, "because this isn't supposed to be a stressful experience for her." Well, she's been sobbing again and again and I literally just came back mid-question from comforting her because she broke down so hard she could barely breathe because now she had diarrhea on the fucking carpet. Ashley's all bitchy now about it for no apparent or even remotely valid reason, and by God do I want to cuss her the fuck out over this bull she brought on. Safe to say we're not keeping the dog, but not quickly enough. When Mom hurts, I hurt, and I am so goddamn furious. Is there anything that happened a long time ago that you still laugh about? Yeah, a number of things. Do you ever try to interpret your dreams? No, given I don't believe most have any meaning. It's brain word vomit, lol. What was the last thing you bought impulsively? I don't have the income for impulse purchases. When I get money, what I'm after is well-planned. How do you feel about singing songs out loud in front of other people? I don't, usually. I'm very self-conscious about it. When was the last time you were feeling really, really nervous? That nervous, I'm unsure. I've been nervous, sure, but I haven't had a massive anxiety episode in a while. If you’re no longer in school, what is something you miss about it? If you’re still in school, what’s something you think you’re going to miss about it? I miss feeling productive and like I was going at least somewhere. Do you use your turn signals when you’re driving? Yes; I hate when people don't. How exactly are you feeling right now? Mad at my sister. Have you ever had to board up your windows because of a hurricane? No. Do you tell anyone to chew with their mouths closed? No, to avoid "confrontation" that is too negligible to even quality as conflict. I'm just a lil bitch when it comes to stuff like this. Have you ever ordered pizza and sent it to someone else’s house? No. What was the first thing you drank when you woke up this morning? My nurse or whatever her position is (I don't mean that dismissively, I genuinely don't know her title) brought me some orange juice. Do you think stretch marks from having a baby are ugly or badges of honor? Oh my god, fuck off. Anyone who can carry a child for nine months and then endure what I assume is the worst pain (usually) survivable has every ounce of my goddamn respect. The natural result of making room for a like 6+ lb. human being is not "ugly." It's a part of life and to me shows an incredible amount of bravery and love to be willing to go through something I could absolutely never. Ever done a keg stand? Haha, no. My dizzy ass will pass. Who is the last person you lent money to? My mom. Do you share clothing with anyone? Mom and I will share bras or pants sometimes. Have you ever visited anyone in a rehab? No. Was the last thing you drank a Coke or Pepsi product? No, I have lemonade right now. Honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? IF I wanted to be a parent, I feel like I definitely would be. Not like... overbearing, but still extremely protective in cases I think it's called for. What was the last kind of chips you ate? Veggie chips yesterday, actually. They're honestly not that good, but it's a doable snack with salsa. What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Economics. I dread taking care of my own money because idk what the fuck to do with taxes and such. What is the last thing you charged? My phone. Have you ever held a snake? I've held plenty of snakes, I love them.

[writingformadderton]

The Book of You and I - Part 4

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 3458

Summary: Taron keeps his distance from his friends and Richard,feeling betrayed. Richard gives him time but it quickly shows how bad they cope with it. When they mess up a scene Richard suggests to talk about it and Taron wants Dexter with them to calm them both down. During the talk a lot of things come up that change Taron’s life all over again.

Additional Tags: emotional hurt, dizzy, Tiny dancer, argument, memories, crying, comfort

Dedicated to @taron-eggmcmuffin ❤️

Part 3  Part 5

Taron stays at home during those two weeks and barely eats anything. He knows he should, but he can’t convince himself to do so. His head hurts and he’s emotionally unstable, feeling terrible.

He looked up his and Richard’s name for the first time and found articles about them getting into the car crash. As he scrolls further down, he finds some where they suggested a relationship between them. Taron clicks on “images” and finds a ton of them. Most are of them being outside together, having dinner or giving interviews. Taron looks at the pictures closely and sees the looks they shared. “God you’re getting brainwashed by these dumbass articles.” he growls and finds a interview of them on YouTube. He considers watching it and stares at his screen for ten minutes until it turns off automatically. Taron gives himself a push, logs back in and clicks on it. “Holy shit.” he breathes out when he sees it’s from five years ago. He looks at himself, only twenty-four back then and Richard next to him, twenty-seven years old. They fool around through the interview just like they did a couple weeks ago. He watches other ones and sees the way their behavior with each other changes throughout the years. They get more comfortable around another, finish each other’s sentences and seem to know exactly what the other one is going to say. But were they really a couple? Not possible. Probably just stupid shit talk.

He throws his phone aside and stares up at the ceiling. Tomorrow would be his first day back at work. The first day he sees Dexter and Richard. Bryce told him she would be on set tomorrow as well to keep him company and Taron was glad to have her around.

Taron isn’t fully sure if it’s good to return to work tomorrow, but he knows he needs a daily routine again. He sat around the house more than he could possibly remember of his old life. T growls a bit and turns onto his side, staring out of the window. It’s like the bright sun and deep blue sky wanna mock him, not fitting his mood at all.

_

After a sleepless night, he gets up with a horrible headache and takes a quick shower. He dresses up slowly as every movement hurts his head and grabs his apartment keys. Welp, welcome back to the real world.

_

On set he is greeted by Bryce, who watches him worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just haven’t slept properly the last four days.” he says and rubs his face tiredly. If this bloody headache would stop, he would feel better.

She hands him a pair of glasses. “Put those on.”

“Thanks.” he mumbles and follows her to the main building. Going in with Bryce by his side gives him a bit of security. Inside, he takes the glasses off again. The light isn’t as bright. When he comes inside the meeting room, he sees Dexter chatting with Jamie and Elton is also here today.

Just when they’re about to start, Richard steps inside, taking off his sunglasses. T glances at him and sees the dark circles underneath his eyes, the same he had seen beneath his own this morning. Ten minutes into the meeting, Taron feels himself getting dizzy and looks down at the floor irritated. His head hurts and he starts to feel sick while his world starts spinning.

“Taron, are you okay?” Bryce asks worried as her friend stumbles a bit and tries to hold himself up.

Richard looks over at them and tenses when he sees how pale Taron gets. “Sit him down.” he says to Bryce. Jamie helps her sit Taron down on the floor. Richard walks over to him and sits down in front of him. “Are you dizzy?” he asks and looks at him observantly.

“Mm.” T just hums and tries to blend out the black spots before his eyes.

“You should drink some water.” Rich says and takes a bottle from Dex. He opens it and holds it towards Taron. T takes it with shaking hands and takes a tiny gulp. Richard watches him closely. It’s scary to see him like that again. “When did you eat properly the last time?” he asks, knowing T stopped doing it whenever he was sad or extremely stressed. Taron just shrugs his shoulders and Rich nods slowly. The rest starts talking, giving them some space and Taron rubs his face tiredly. “Can we talk later?” Richard asks low enough for only T to hear and Taron looks at him shortly before shaking his head with tears in his eyes. “Okay. Then go home, eat something and get some sleep. You definitely pushed it too far.” he says.

“I can only tell you the same.” Taron says and raises his eyebrows at him.

Rich laughs weakly and pushes himself up. Taron gets up as well shaking a bit and sits down on the sofa. Bryce sits next to him and rubs his shoulder shortly. Dexter continues and Richard leans against the wall, feeling his own body growing tired. T was right. He needs sleep and a proper meal. But the last two weeks have made it impossible. He felt bad about lying to Taron, and he still doesn’t know the whole truth.

_

Three days later, both of them come to set feeling better physically. T shoots the Tiny Dancer scene and has some fun on set with Jamie before starting to sing. Soon enough, it’s already late and he’s freezing from standing in the dark, cold nighttime atmosphere. He sits on the top step of a little staircase and the scene starts. Taron hears Richard approaching him and takes a deep breath. Rich starts saying his lines and sits down next to him. As soon as Taron looks into those deep blue eyes, he feels the hurt welling back up inside him. He looks at him remaining silent and feels a tear running down his cheek. “I can’t do this.” he whispers and Rich bites his lower lip. “I can’t pretend to fall in love with you after what happened.”

“I know.” Richard says low-voiced and looks at him sad. “I’m sorry, T. Can we talk about it, please?”

Taron takes a shuddery breath and looks down at his knees. “When?”

“After the shoot maybe? I’ll drive you home… if you want to.” he suggests.

T nods slowly. “Okay. But I think we should take Dex with us.”

“Yea.” Richard says and gets up. “Dex?” he shouts and Dexter comes over to them. “We can’t do this right now. Not like this.” their director nods and looks at them. “We wanna talk about it.”

“Everything?” Dex asks and watches Richard curiously.

“Everything.” he says firmly and nods.

“Can you come with us? Probably won’t end well otherwise.” T admits and gets up.

“If that’s okay with you.” Dexter says and Taron nods. Seems like his friend wasn’t that mad at him.

_

Richard changed into jeans and a sweater, which is a lot more comfortable at 11:30pm than the suit he was wearing before. Taron changed into a pair of blue jeans and his favorite sweater. Seeing it makes Rich smiles a bit. It’s one of his that Taron kept when they got together. They sit down at the round table and Taron doesn’t know where to look.

“Do either of you wants to start?” Dexter asks them and both remain silent, hoping the other one would start. “Taron?”

T shifts in his seat a bit before looking at them. “You two made me feel like shit, honestly. You lied to my face and you were the ones I trusted with my stupid life that I know nothing about.” he feels the tears coming back but he doesn’t care this time. They needed see what they did to him. How he felt.

“I can understand that you’re upset about it but we had our reasons. The last time Richard tried to tell you, you told him kindly to leave and never talked to him again because you couldn’t remember him.” Dex states.

“Oh and that’s my fault now? I wasn’t the one who was driving. I was the victim in this crash.” Taron growls and shoots his friend a glare.

“Okay, next time I’ll run over a woman and probably kill her. Is that what you want?” Rich spits out and looks at him angrily. What happened that evening was neither his nor Taron’s fault. “You’d be traumatized now, just like I am. Sometimes it’s better not to remember something.” he says and sees Taron’s face going blank.

“Yeah, because you’re having such a hard time.” T laughs pejoratively and rolls his eyes.

“You don’t know shit about me. So don’t judge me on the last two months you’ve known me.” Richard says harshly and looks at him serious.

“And that’s it.” T leans forward and looks at him, feeling himself getting angry. “I don’t know shit about all of you. I don’t know shit about where I grew up, my family, my friends. The worst out of all of them is I don’t know shit about myself.” his voice cracks as he leans back in his chair again and shakes his head. “And it’s fucking gross to play with that, both of you. You don’t lie to someone who feels lost and depends on stories from others.”

“I tried to protect you, Taron. I know this wasn’t the best way.” Rich tries and gets cut off by Taron letting out a loud breath.

“If I really mean so much to you that you feel the need to protect me…then don’t fucking play with my issues.” he says through gritted teeth. “I need to be able to trust you, because trust is all that I have left.”

“I know.” The Scottish mumbles.

“No you don’t! Everyone thinks they know how it is for me, but they don’t. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly overthinking. I forget to eat. I panic late at night when my brain realizes once more there’s nothing left to remember!” he stops for a moment and wipes away the tear on his cheek. “I pull myself out of this shit day after day. You weren’t there to help!”

“I was, Taron. As you know now, I drove the bloody car. I was the one calming you down when you hit your head and I pulled you out of the car unconscious and covered in blood.” Richard says and it’s the first time he actually puts it into words in front of Taron. His throat gets tight at the thought of Taron at that evening.

“Well you were gone after the car crash, left me on my own. Where was the guy the media called my boyfriend, huh? Probably realized I’m no longer useful and just dropped me off at home.” Taron spits out and tucks his legs up on his seat.

“Who told you that shit?” he asks frowning.

“Don’t answer with a question.” he just says and looks at him, challenging him.

“I picked you up from the hospital and brought you home. On the first day, you handed me a picture of us. The second day, you said you need space. You practically erased me from your life. I would’ve never left you willingly.”

Taron remains silent for a moment and all the anger slowly fades. “And how should I know that you’re not lying to me again, right now?” he asks tiredly.

“Taron, Richard was your boyfriend.” Dexter steps in and T looks at him with raised eyebrows.

“How could you wanna prove that? With some shitty articles blogs would post when I went out with whoever for dinner tonight?” his voice shakes heavy now and he slips into hurt and sadness instead of anger now.

“I can’t do more than tell you again, I was there.” Rich says tiredly, getting frustrated.

“Prove it.” T says and shrugs his shoulders.

Richard groans and rubs his face. How the fuck was I supposed to prove the relationship was real? Suddenly, he remembers the letter he wrote for Taron on the day he left. “Hey, my name is Taron Egerton. I was involved in a bad car accident and am suffering from a retrograde amnesia, which means I forgot a lot.”

Dex watches him confused. “What the heck are you doing?”

“Shut up for a second.” T says and looks at Richard shocked.

“If I feel bad right now, it would be lovely if you could get me to a hospital. If I’m on my own and I don’t know what’s going on, I should call my mother.” Richard continues with a shaking voice.

“Here is her number. Thank you.” Taron finishes it and Richards nods. “Why the fuck do you know this?”

“Because I wrote that when I brought you home and you didn’t want me around anymore.”

Taron gets up quickly and gets a pen and a piece of paper. “Write it down.” he says and presses his lips together. Rich does as he says and writes down the first sentence. Taron recognizes his hand writing immediately and swallows hard. Did he really -?

Richard takes out his phone and removes the phone case. He takes out a picture and hands it to Taron. “That’s what you gave me.” Taron looks at the picture. That’s actually very cute. He’s smiling softly into the camera while Richard presses a kiss into his hair with his eyes closed. His eyes fill with tears and he looks back at Rich shocked. “That’s my sweater.” he says and points at T.

“It’s my favorite.” Taron admits and looks down at the dark blue soft sweater that gave him comfort so often before.

“I know.” Rich smiles softly. He searches for Taron’s number and presses call. The words “My love” appear on the screen and Taron looks down at his phone a bit startled. “The reason why my Air Pods connected so fast to your phone was because we always listened to your music with my headphones.” Richard looks up to Taron, standing there completely in shock and disbelief. “Can I show you something on your phone?”

Taron nods timidly and hands it to him. He watches Richard opening his photo gallery and scrolling down to the folder with the password. “I didn’t know the password, so I couldn’t open it.” Richard types it in and looks up to him shortly, before writing it down at the piece of paper. Taron’s eyes fill with tears and they threaten to fall down his cheeks as he sees the words “Theloveofmylife.”. He turns pale when he looks back at his phone and sees all the pictures of Rich and him kissing, cuddling, holding hands or at premieres together.

Taron falls onto his chair heavily and takes his phone back with shaking hands. He looks at the letter, Richard’s handwriting and the password. “Fuck.” is all he gets out and buries his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks up, tears are rolling down his face and he lets out a shuddery breath, tangling his hands in his hair while leaning forward. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks and his voice cracks in the middle of the sentence.

“When you knew about it and pushed me away, I decided to not tell you this time. I wanted to let you figure things out on your own and put the pieces together with time. It felt like forcing the fact of us as a couple onto you.” Richard explains lowly. “You can’t tell someone that they love you.”

“I-I don’t know what to say right now.” T says and his voice threatens to crack again.

“Do you understand now why we didn’t tell you about Rich and you in the first place?” Dex asks carefully and T nods slowly.

“How long have we been together?” he asks and looks at Rich, who watches him sad.

“Seven months. You wanted to make it official because you were sick of hiding it. You were talking about a future together and - two minutes later we crashed into a wall.”

“So we were happy?” Rich nods. “Did we fight?”

“Not often, harmless.” he says. “It was always about unimportant things and you came back after five minutes to cuddle.” he chuckles softly.

“Was I-Was I a good boyfriend?” he asks timidly.

“The best.” he says with a sad smile.

Taron sits up straight and nods slowly. “Tell me about the car crash. Please.”

Richard knows he’s the only one who can tell him the whole story and so he gives in. “Everything was fine until a drunk woman suddenly crossed the street. I couldn’t stop the car fast enough, so I pulled sideways. We crashed into a wall and you hit your head really bad. Had a nasty wound on your forehead. I was a bit caught up in the shock but then you asked for me and threw up. You couldn’t sit up straight because of the pain and I tried to calm you down… And then you passed out.”

“Did I say anything before I passed out?” Taron asks curiously.

“I love you forever, okay?” Richard hesitantly says and swallows hard after seeing Taron’s face going blank. “Listen, I won’t force anything onto you and if you don’t feel good around me anymore I’ll back out of the role. Blame it on stress or whatever.” Rich rubs his face tiredly and bites his lower lip nervously. “If you want me to go, I’ll do it.”

The Welsh looks up to him caught up in thoughts. “Why would you do that?”

“Because you were the most important person in my life and I wouldn’t do anything to make you feel bad on purpose.” Richard looks down at the table for a moment. “Which is why I felt like shit as well those past two weeks.”

Taron watches him startled and looks deep into Richard’s eyes. He wasn’t lying. T looks back at the picture and the letter before looking at Richard. “I’m so sorry for this mess, Rich.” he says and his voice cracks. “And the car crash wasn’t your fault. I was talking dumb shit.”

“It’s not your fault, T.” Richard assures him weakly.

Taron grabs his hand hesitantly and looks at him with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Rich.” Richard smiles at him sadly and shakes his head. It wasn’t Taron’s fault that he forgot everything. “Can I hug you?” T asks timidly as he gets up and Rich just opens his arms, doing the same. Taron wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face in his shoulder.

Richard tightens his hesitant grip around Taron and softly rubs his back as he starts crying. “Hey, it’s okay.” he whispers and Taron just shakes his head.

His whole world just got turned upside down. Again. He would have never thought that Richard and him had been a thing. Maybe that was the reason that he felt so good around him so quickly and got hurt so badly when he found out about the lie. “I’m so sorry. I completely ignored the fact that I’m not the only one who’s struggling with this.”

“You didn’t know. It’s okay, bub.” Rich says and fondles over his hair. He knows exactly where to touch him to calm and comfort him.

“Please give me a chance to make it right again. I was talking shit about you.” T begs and clings onto him.

Richard pulls back and cups Taron’s face. “Calm down. You did nothing wrong.” he looks into his sad puppy eyes and feels the urge to kiss him. But he holds himself back and wraps him into a hug again. “Don’t blame yourself now, please.”

“I’m so sick of this shit.” T sniffs into his shoulder.

“I know.” Rich mumbles. “Me too, T. Me too.”

“Please don’t lie to me again. I really can’t take this.” he chokes out and sobs into his shoulder helplessly.

“I won’t.” Rich promises and plants a soft kiss into his hair.

@fuseburner @sarahegerton96 @multicoloredchicken @primaba11erina @anxiety-at-the-classroom @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed 

[sparrow-ink]

covid diaries aka memoirs of the plague

trying to keep my thoughts organized and coherent has been a bitch recently, so i’m going to try to put them down more or less in order here and see where we end up. this is going to be heavy on personal covid content and might get long, so please skip if either distresses you.

so last tues, the uh... 24th i guess, i started feeling ill. mostly like allergies plus a bad headache. i had a feeling i was getting sick but didn’t want to alarm my spouse or housemate/best friend, so stuck with ‘could very well be allergies and dehydration.’ also it very well could have been, and it was very reassuring for us all to tell each other that. my company had already moved the majority of employees to work-from-home, including me, so i already wasn’t going to come into contact with anyone outside my home.

symptoms got worse over the next few days, congestion, headache, feeling feverish, cough started up. we didn’t own a thermometer, and my spouse and housemate tried every wal-mart, wal-greens, target, etc to find one. housemate said at one place they laughed at her when she asked if they had any. i tried ordering one on amazon with no luck. either they were $90+, out of stock, or not shipping until may. i settled on ordering on for shipment in may. the seller messaged me the next day and said they couldn’t fulfill the order and asked to cancel it.

from our last costco trip we had already (unintentionally) gotten stocked up on toilet paper, snacks, and some dry goods. at some point before I got sick, spouse and I bought a bag of rice and bag of potatoes, because I intermittently try to do mealprepping and seemed being stuck at home would be a good time to try again, what with national and state-wide states of emergency being declared. also seemed good to have them in supply. and we were still stocked up on cold and flu medecine from when i got bronchitis mid-dec to mid-jan. so we were/are pretty well-stocked on essentials? that was reassuring, as i was obviously, noticeably sick by last friday.

i was hoping i would get better over the weekend but i did not. still couldn’t find a thermometer anywhere. governor had issued the state-wide stay-at-home order on uh...thurs? weds? but already being sick, and already working from home, and not going out, it didn’t really affect me much?

i feel like i should mention at this point that since the state of emergency was declared and we started to transition to working from home, i’d been trying to ration my social media (tumblr/twitter/insta) time for my sanity. but also not having information makes me feel helpless, so i had the CDC covid page up and checked every day. and then the colorado state covid page too. seeing the numbers of confirmed cases double, and triple, from week to week was... hm.

also one of my younger siblings moved from colorado to arizona at the start of march, and presumably lost their phone because i haven’t heard from them since despite poking. that hasn’t been concerning during a global pandemic. not at all. they’re probably not dead. i mean, you’d think a bitch could call their older sibling to let them know they’re not dead, but whatever. i’m sure they’re fine. probably. anyway.

where was i. so by the weekend i was Not Feeling Well At All Actually. my cough had become “scary.” my housemate did all the dishes in the kitchen despite not being responsible for most of them. i felt, and sounded, disgusting.

i checked the covid testing requirements again, and basically found that in colorado you had to be dying to be tested for covid. cool.

monday rolled around, still not better. i ended up having work computer issues (their end, not mine) where i basically ended up laying on the couch in my office while IT did IT things. a blessing. i slogged through the rest of the day. just felt like i wasn’t tracking well, couldn’t focus on shit. that evening while watching shows with husbeast & housemate, i had a truly uncontrollable coughing spasm/fit that seemed to just go on. could barely talk without coughing. i coughed all night. i basically didn’t sleep.

tuesday morning i woke up, and started coughing again. i could hear a crackle echo up my throat when i breathed if i was in the right position. i sat up to try and get my breath. i think it was like 6 am. spouse creature (already awake from my coughing) gently rubbed my back. i started crying. i just wanted to sleep, and i couldn’t sleep, and i couldn’t stop coughing, and i felt like i could barely breathe, and things just hurt, and i couldn’t think straight. i felt so... defeated. i think it freaked out the spouse creature. i usually only cry during children’s movies.

i took the day off of work. i hadn’t taken a day yet because i was already working from home, and it was the end of the month which is the busiest for my team, and my boss had said last week that if i felt i could work, they needed me. by tuesday morning i was out of energy and also fucks. i got in the queue for a teladoc appointment. per the CDC and colorado covid websites, telehealth visits are to be the first option in order to help prevent the spread, etc. also i would have done teladoc anyway bc i don’t have a PCP.

it took a few hours to get connected with a doctor. i think i started coughing while he did his intro thing. he basically said, well i think i know what you’re calling about, but why don’t you tell me. i told him. and coughed some more. he said my symptoms are consistent with covid, and in a perfect world they’d be able to get me in for rapid testing, but they couldn’t. that basically people are only getting tested at this point who are getting admitted to the hospital. some people were able to access testing through their PCPs but even that was drying up. he advised me to self-isolate (already on it lol) and for my household to self-quarantine for at least two weeks from when i started showing symptoms. and i could un-self-isolate once the majority of my symptoms calmed down AND when i didn’t have a fever for three days straight with no meds. he prescribed me an inhaler and a cough suppressant pill, though he said the cough suppressant might not do much since it didn’t seem to be working for anyone else with similar.

husbeast had run out to get some more supplies by the time i got on the vidcall with the doc, mostly liquids and electrolytes. he went back out once i gave him the rundown, to fill my prescription and get me the good costco chicken soup once they were open. he also, miracle of miracles, managed to find and buy a temporal thermometer at costco for like $45 i think. a true champion. my temp seemed to be fine in the afternoon, a touch above normal but fine. i’m not actually sure what my personal base temperature is. i should also say that i’d been consistently taking dayquil and sudafed since the previous weds.

that evening my temp started to go up. and up. or at least i think it was tuesday night. maybe it was weds? freaked out spouse, i got up to 102 F even with sudafed and additional acetaminophen. i basically had a fever from tues through this morning (friday), while taking pills like clockwork. always seemed to get worse in the afternoon/evening and be better in the morning. today at least it’s stayed below 100F, even mostly below 99F.

the cough and difficulty breathing has been the worst part. i have delicate baby lungs to begin with, and i have allergies and a history of childhood asthma. so i’m already paranoid about my breathing even with a normal cold. but to hear that i would have to immediately proceed to emergency services should my symptoms progress to: can only get a few words out, can’t stand up or walk across the room, can’t maintain conciousness, to hear that was... something. because then it’s basically like, okay, if I get pneumonia and my lungs are filling up, then i can go see a doctor in person. cool. and i know it says on the websites that there’s no approved treatment for coronavirus, that treatment for less severe cases will be the same at home as it would be in person, but shit. i woke up so many times last night feeling like i was fighting for air, waking up because i was coughing so hard i had to sit up all the way to breathe, and i kept thinking, what if i just stop breathing in my sleep? not like i would notice, right?

it’s been scary. i’ve been trying not to freak out my people with more crying and whatnot, but i’ve already got anxiety and this shit aint helping. i’m trying to stay relatively calm and not make them deal with me losing my shit on top of already taking care of me and bringing me soup and water and pills and asking what they can do for me. i’m tired of being sick. i want a new pair of lungs. i want to not feel like i’ve been hit by a truck. my ribs hurt from coughing so much. my chest hurts. my whole body aches. the headache keeps coming and going. i can’t stop fucking coughing. i don’t want to die, i just want to maybe go into a coma and wake up when this is all over. once the line of dump trucks has stopped running me over.

and i’m just so mad at the lack of preparedness in the US. i’m so pissed that i can’t even get tested, i can’t know for sure what the fuck is happening to me. i’m so mad that the cheeto is president during this. i hate this fucking timeline. i hate that we don’t even have clear numbers on cases because of mismanagement. i hate that i keep feeling like i’m about to throw up because i’m coughing so fucking hard. real fucking reassuring to know that the symptoms i’ve been told to watch for, to know that i need to go to the hospital, are the same ones that constitute an emergency and would mean that i would basically have to be rushed there. wearing a facemask if we can find one.

ugh. the other worst part is that i haven’t even been really coherent enough to write. and i’ve only been able to settle on a few things to read and watch. being sick makes me picky and like, impossible to please. so i’m spoiled for choice with 4+ streaming services, but nothing sounds good. and my people are working from home, but they’re still working. they can’t spend all their time with me. i’m bored, and everything is garbage, and there are only so many times i can rewatch the princess bride. i have been napping quite a lot, but even that doesn’t take all day.

maybe i’ll write some crackfic. then it doesn’t have to be coherent. and it would be in the spirit of covid to write some real absurd shit i think.

anyway. i might delete this later. i feel better for getting events put down and venting.  also i apologize, i have no idea how to do a readmore cut on tumblr anymore.

[pocketsizedsamwinchester]

Mistakes Happen Part One

Pairing: Jared x Reader, Jared x Gen

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Implied Cheating, Pregnancy

After regretting a night you and Jared had spent together while his wife was at home, by herself, you hoped would never have to speak of that night again- you didn’t even want to remember it. That plan was working until you fell sick. It caused you to miss nearly a week of work before your closest friends, Genevieve and Danneel convinced you to go to the doctor. You never looked at Gen the same after the incident.

“Well, congratulations you’re pregnant.”

“No that’s impossible.” You gasped.

Dr. Monroe grabbed the cup you had peed in, plus a long stick and dunked the stick down in your urine, “pink means pregnant.”

The end of the stick turned pink prompting you to take a sick feeling in your stomach.

“No, no, no.” You sniffed.

“You have many options. You don’t have to keep the baby. Go talk to Jocelyn, our head nurse on staff today and she’ll set you up for an OBGYN appointment.” Dr. Monroe sympathized.

How could you tell Gen and Danneel that you were pregnant without telling them who the father was? Could you even tell Jared? How would he react? Would he want you to get rid of it so his wife would never know? Would he help you raise the baby? Would he be indifferent and just let you do it all by yourself? Ultimately, you had to tell him. After your first OBGYN appointment with Dr. Statem, you formulated a plan to tell Jared you were pregnant with his bastard child. You searched all over set before finding Jared and Genevieve standing in front of a crowd, fingers interlocked.

“Oh good, Y/N, you’re here!” Jared smiled.

“Wha-what’s going on?” You whispered to Jensen as you met him up at the front of the crowd.

“They got some sort of announcement.” Jensen shrugged.

“Gen’s pregnant,” Jared announced. “We’re having a baby.”

As the crowd clapped and wished the happy couple good luck, you turned to Jensen.

“I’m gonna be sick.” You held your own hair back as you keeled over and threw up on the floor.

Hey

Jensen held your hair back for you, allowing you to prop yourself up on your knees as you urged to throw up a second time. People crowded around you as you wiped your mouth and started to cry.

“Okay, okay. Let’s give her space everybody.” Jensen warned. “Let’s get you out of here  and back to your trailer to rest huh?”

After Jensen took you back to your trailer, you took a nap, which really helped your upset stomach and headache. You made your way out to Jared’s trailer and found him sitting alone, staring at his phone screen in awe.

“Hey, how are you feeling? You didn’t look so hot early.” Jared asked softly.

“I-I’m feeling better.” You replied.

“Come here, look at Gen’s sonogram photo.” Jared grinned.

He showed you the photo as you tried your best not to throw up all over him.

“Beer?” He asked as he put his phone up, prepared to focus his attention on you.

“No,” you sighed, “thanks anyway.”

“Uh-oh.” His smiled faded. “Is something wrong, Y/N?”

“Nope… nothing.” You sighed. “I-uh-gotta go, Jared… I just- I just came over to say congratulations.”

You started to tear up and left before Jared could even say goodbye. You missed almost another week of filming before your worried friends showed up, knocking on your apartment door.

“Y/N? It’s Jared, Jensen, Danneel and Gen. Open up. Are you okay?” Jared asked as the four knocked on the door.

You opened the door and let the two couples in.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Danneel was the first to pull you into a hug when she noticed your puffy, red eyes and your red nose.

“I just- I just haven’t been feeling like myself lately.” You replied to Danneel’s question.

The four took a seat on your couch as you perched in the love seat across from them.

“You mind telling us what’s going on? Y/N we’re your friends.” Jared worried.

Funny you should ask, you’re the friend who got me into this mess.

“Well…”

Just out with it Y/N. Tell them you’re pregnant. Tell them you got a sperm donor or had a one night stand or something.

“I’m pregnant.” You gulped.

Jared, Jensen, Gen and Danneel’s jaws dropped almost in unison.

“How are you feeling?” They asked. “Who’s the father? Have you told him? Is he willing to help you with the baby? What do you need from us? How can we help?”

You were being overwhelmed with questions from your loving and caring friends.

“He-uh- doesn’t know. I want to keep it that way. It was a one-time thing and I just want to forget about it. It meant nothing.” You answered. “And I just need you guys to be my friends, I’m scared and really sick right now.”

“Okay. We understand.” Danneel said softly.

“Would you ever consider telling the father? What if he would like to know that he’s this kid’s dad?” Jared asked curiously.

“Nevermind that, Jared.” Gen pushed his questions aside. “Have you been to the doctor yet?”

You nodded yes, “I was eleven weeks two days ago.”

“No way! I’m eleven weeks too. We must’ve got pregnant at almost the same time!” Gen exclaimed.

“Yeah.” You gulped.

“Y/N, can I talk to you alone for a second?” Jared asked.

You stepped outside the door with Jared and shut it so the others couldn’t hear.

“That party… celebrating the new season… did something go on between… us?” Jared stammered.

“No of course not.” You lied.

“Y/N,” Jared said sternly. “Is that my baby?”

You pulled the sonogram photo out of your pants pocket.

“We were drunk and I faintly remember us....” You trailed off. “Here’s our baby.”

You were in tears as Jared stared at the sonogram photo intently.

“But, please!” You begged. “You can’t tell anybody. You can’t tell Jensen or Danneel and especially not Genevieve. It’ll ruin your marriage. It’ll ruin my friendship with you and Gen.”

“So that little spiel back there, about you not wanting the father to know, that it was only one night and it meant nothing to you… did you not expect me to figure out I was the one you were talking about?  Did you just assume that I wouldn’t want to know that this is our baby?” He looked at you hurt as he turned the sonogram photo to face you.

“Jared, you have a wife that’s pregnant with your baby! A wife, Jared- a pregnant wife! Don’t tell me you’d be willing to throw all that away for some drunk whore who couldn’t keep it in her pants.”

“Hey. Do not call yourself that.” Jared frowned.

“Please, I don’t care what you call me or what I call myself just please- please don’t tell Gen, I’m begging you.”  

“I can’t promise that,” He sniffs. “How can I not tell her? I should’ve told her sooner- I should’ve told her when it first happened. God, Y/N, I went home that night, to her and I-I got two women pregnant in one night and you call yourself a whore?”

“Oh Jared, please- don’t-”

“I need some air.” He gulped, rushing out of the apartment building.

Upon returning to your apartment, rosy red cheeks and tears streaming down your face, you were bound to get questions from the remaining three friends sitting on your couch.

“Gen, g-go downstairs and check on Jared. He said h-he needed air.” You sniffed.

As soon as Gen left you turned to Jensen and Danneel.

“I fucked up.” You sobbed. “The baby’s Jared’s.”

“The baby is whose now?” Jensen exclaimed.

“That party back in June. Jared and I got drunk and we had sex and he figured it out and now he’s really hurt that I didn’t want to tell him the baby was his cause I didn’t want to ruin his relationship with Gen or my relationship with the both of them. Now he wants to tell Gen and I’m assuming it’s because he thinks he can have the best of both worlds but if I were Gen and he was my man who cheated on me, I’d tear him a new one and divorce his ass. I’d hate the woman he cheated on me with and I’d never want to see her again even though she’s so sorry and sick to her stomach thinking about ruining their friendship together.” You rambled on, sobbing and losing your breath.

“Y/N, Y/N, hey hey. Please calm down! All this stress it’s not good on you or your baby.” Danneel soothed.

“You knew he was married, Y/N!” Jensen exclaimed.

“I was drunk!” You cried out.

“Jensen if you’re going to make things worse on her you’ll have to step out.”

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry.” Jensen apologized.

You could hear someone coming up the hallway.

“Gen- hey stop!” Jared called after his wife as the door flew open.

“How could you? Why would you?” Gen pointed her finger at you, sobbing.

“I’m sorry- I’m so sorry. Genevieve, I was drunk- I never would’ve done such a thing if I was sober. I never wanted to hurt you like that and I’m so sorry. It was the worst mistake of my life. I wish I could take it back- if I could, I would. Please understand that, Gen.”

“Being drunk is not an excuse, Y/N!” She yelled. “What, do you love my husband? Do you want me out of the picture! Maybe you should’ve said something before you fucked him! Drunk or not you slept with my husband. Don’t ever talk to me again. You’re dead to me.”

Gen stormed out of your apartment. Jared looked between you and the door.

“Go.” You growled. “Go! She’s your wife! Why are you looking at me?”

Jared took a second before running out the door, calling out to Genevieve.

“Y/N,” Danneel said softly.

“Just leave me alone.” You sniffed.

“No, you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“I don’t care, Danneel. I don’t care. I want to be alone.” You pushed her away from you.

“Y/N, stop! I’m trying to be your friend!” Danneel exclaimed.

You pushed past the Ackles and slammed your bedroom door. You just wanted to be alone.

[shesadramaqueen]

Falling Snow; Brian May x F!Reader (Pt. 1)

Requested by: myself

Summary: Almost 3 months after Freddie’s passing, reader finds out Brian’s depression is at its worst, so she does anything in her hand to make him smile and laugh again.

Context: this is placed around February of 1992. In this ‘AU’, Brian doesn’t have children and Chrissie is still his wife in 1991. Anita doesn’t exist in this universe (as reader kind of takes her role).

Word count: 3.7 K

Warnings: death, cursing, mentions of cheating and divorce, a lot of sadness in general.

A/N & Tags: so this is my first fic (the first part of it) after a long time so I apologize if something’s off! I do take constructive criticism so tell me what do you think about this and what I could improve on. This came out a bit longer than expected, sorry about that. Also if there’s any kind of mistake, let me know and I will correct it right away! If anyone wants to be tagged, let me know through PM or ask. Enjoy the read, my loves!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Stepping inside your London apartment first time after almost 3 months felt weird, but there you were once more. You breathed in deeply while you looked around. Your lips curled up in melancholy remembering all the great memories the space between those walls held, and a single tear ran down your cheek, which you cleaned up immediately, not wanting to get sad. 'That's not what he would have wanted', that's what you kept reminding yourself constantly. So instead, you threw your suitcase on the bed, grabbed a vinyl and approached the record player. You removed a bit of dust that had built up before carefully placing the record. You pressed play and the music filled you with a rather cheerful feeling, despite the hint of heaviness your heart felt. You made yourself a cup of tea and sat down on the sofa. You immediately started to think about the last few months of your life, as you always seemed to do lately whenever you spaced out. The call you received the 24th of November, you always started thinking about that.

"Y/N..." You were home, feeling uneasy(the only thing you had been able to feel for the last month) when Phoebe called, and with only saying your name you knew what was coming next. You didn't want to believe it though. "He's gone now".

You felt like the world stopped abruptly. And even though your heart shattered like it never did before, you just nodded and whispered a little "Alright" on the phone, so silent that you wondered if he even heard it, and you hanged up. You chuckled. You hated doing that, but it was your brains immediate answer when something horrible happened. Not knowing how to react, you got out of the building and when you reached the street, you saw it was pouring. And then you started to run. For a long, long time. Not knowing where. Avoiding the thoughts that built up in your head. Avoiding reality. So you ran, and ran, and kept running until you stopped without even wanting to. You stopped because you had reached Garden Lodge. For some reason, the surroundings of the house were full of people, and when you walked a little closer, you just knew they where there because of Fred. Mourning him. You found ridiculous that the news ran so quickly and you clicked your tongue, but the thought that so many people cared about him still brought you some comfort. Some of them gave you a sad, pitiful look when you wandered closer, as they knew who you were. You had been close friends with all the band almost from the beginning, and they knew the pain they felt didn't come a close second to the one you were suffering. You approached the metal gate and stared at it for some seconds. Almost out of instinct you put your hands inside your pocket to find your set of keys. You carefully grabbed the one that unlocked that door and didn't even hesitate to open it. You somehow knew the people around wouldn't have dared to come close and invade the privacy of the big mansion, but still you couldn't care less in that moment. You got inside and closed the gate behind you. The surroundings of Garden Lodge were still as beautiful as always and that peaceful stability made you feel some kind of jealousy. You shook your head and started walking. Only then, you realized you were out of breath and the pain that covered your legs, but that didn't stop you. The door was unlocked, and you paused before heading inside. You were instantly hit with a sorrwful wave, which caused you to gasp lightly. The house itself was warm, but the energy that lingered in the air was something cold and hard that wrapped into your bones. You tried to shake it away, unsuccessfully, before paying attention to your surroundings. The lights of the living room were on and, hearing quiet whispers and sobs from there, you decided to approach the room. The image you saw when you reached said room was dreadful. On the sofa, there was Mary, wearing a green skirt and a white shirt with her blond hair pulled in a low pony tail, who was hugging Phoebe tightly, tears streaming down her face, red and wet. You could only see Phoebe's back, but it looked so firm and tense under the brown jacket he wore you assumed he was crying, too. It hurt to see them in pain, specially because you were close with both of them, but you decided to not interrupt that personal moment. Roger was also there, sitting on one of the armchairs, with sunglasses on and a drink on his right shaking hand, that moved violently every time he brought the glass to his lips. He was wearing some black jeans and a casual grey t-shirt, covered with a leather jacket. You tried to smile when you saw him look at you, but it didn't work. He put his drink aside straight away and got up before pulling you into a tight embrace without caring that you were completely wet and without saying a single thing you hugged back. He hid his face on your neck and you softly played with his hair with your eyes shut tight, you both trying to comfort each other somehow. After a while, he pulled away and you stared into each other. Roger was one of your closest friends and even behind the dark sunglasses he was wearing, you could feel the distress in his eyes. He never was the kind of guy that shared his emotions openly, but you noticed a few tears had stained his cheeks. You whiped those softly with your hand. "Don't cry, love" you mumbled, managing to give him a small smile. You gave him a peck where his tears where before and he twisted his lips in a way you could only assume that was trying to be a smile. He kissed the crown of your head before heading back to where he sat before, lighting a cigarette while he picked his drink once again. John had one of his own, too. He was sitting in a chair that was next to the big windows and he seemed he was deep inside his thoughts, his dark green button up shirt he wore blended him with the green nature the gardens of the big house had. You noticed his light brown dressing trousers were a bit damp and you wondered how long it had been since he got here. You approached him and lightly touched his shoulder to get his attention. He turned to you, his face looked like he didn't sleep in forever, but you could see a tiny sparkle light behind the darkness of his eyes when he saw you. "Hey" you said with a rather raspy tone. "Hey" he said softly so only you could hear. He got up to hug you as well, but this time you rested your head on his chest while he rested his on top of yours. You stayed for some minutes like that, enjoying the peaceful feeling. You had always loved to hug John, his hugs were never tight or agressive, they were always soft and reassuring. Every time he had you between his arms you felt like nothing could go wrong. This time, though, that last feeling was barely recognizable. He kissed the spot he was laying his head on before pulling away and giving you a warm smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

He sat down again and you gave a little squeeze to his shoulder before moving on.You were all too numb to withhold a conversation, so you were glad they even made the effort to greet you in such an uplifting way.

You walked into the hallway, trying to distract yourself, and you started appreciating every detail of the space you walked through, seeing little things you never had before. Cold air suddenly hit your skin, sending a chill down your spine and you followed the breeze, curious. You ended up reaching the back of the house, which was a little room that served as a transition between the inside and the beautiful backyard from outside.

You saw Jim sitting down on the stairs of the main back door, his whole body leaning on the wall. Wearing some sweatpants and a black robe, he looked much smaller than he was. You approached him cautiously, and when you were by his side, you couldn't help but stare. "I love the rain you know?" He started talking "I love how calming it is, how soft. I love the smell it gives away and how it seems to slow down time" a small smile painted his face. "Freddie absolutely despised it" he chuckled. "He always was a bit of a cat, you know? He hated how it made his hair look or getting wet by it or how he would always get headaches because of it" silence settled for some seconds. "I never understood why, of all things, he hated rainy days. But now I do". You tilted your head slightly, feeling a bit confused. He went on. "Today, I hate the rain. I can't stand it, I want it to stop and to give me some silence, to stop it reminding me of him. But then, it'd be equally if not more pissed if it was sunny. That would be too bright, and today is not a bright day. It's the darkest of them all." You looked out to the sky and focused on the black, black clouds, but you knew he didn't mean that type of darkness "I loved rainy days, but I wonder if I will hate them from now on" he trailed off. You looked at him, once more. His eyes were red and puffy and he looked so tired. And so old, God it looked like he aged 40 years. Jim had always been someone you admired. A kind, hard-working man who fought for what he believed in and always kept a smile on his face, no matter what, and today was no exception. The thing you liked the most about him, though, is how happy he made Freddie. "I want to see him" you said abruptly, your mouth working faster than your brain. He looked at you for the first time and nodded, getting up and leading you through the house. You hesitated at first, a bit embarrassed from having said that, but you eventually followed him. 

When he reached what used to be their shared bedroom, he stood in front of the door and waited for you, as you had stopped a few steps before reaching it, feeling your heartbeat on your throat and your ears. Jim smiled at you sympathetically and patiently waited for you to be ready. After some minutes, you looked at him and you nodded. He nodded back and slowly opened the door in front of him. You breathed in deeply before going inside, him walking after you. The room was awfully quiet, and the big dimensions of it didn't help that fact. The yellow undertone the room had made it look much brighter than it actually was. You felt an eerie aura dance around that made you shiver. You spotted the bed, which had a big lump on it and this sight freezed your whole body and you were unable to walk. It started to be difficult to breath and you felt your vision go blurry. A sudden feel of warmth on your shoulder made your stiff body jump and twist your head. 

It was Jim, whose hand rested on your body in a sign of reassurance, and you mentally slapped yourself for thinking it could have been something... supernatural.

"You don't have to do this" he simply said, to which you shook your head and turned your attention to the bed once again. His hand dropped and you felt vulnerable, so before approaching the bed you grabbed the big man's arm, to which he held back without hesitation. Only when you were a few centimetres away from the bed was when all the things connected together. It was when it all became real and still, you couldn't believe it. Freddie's body was laying on the bed, and you put your free hand over your mouth to stop a gasp from getting out. He had his eyes open and you were surprised at how he looked. His appearance through the evolution of his illness went decaying. He went form someone strong and full of life to someone that looked like he would snap in half if he sneezed too hard. But that wasn't him anymore. He looked free and somehow... alive. "The ecstasy of Saint Teresa" you thought out loud. It was the only way you could have described the image in front of you. "That's what I though, too. I've always thought he was a piece of art". You heard Jim speak and you got startled a tiny bit, as you forgot he was there even if you were holding him close. He sighed before muttering "I'm just glad he isn't suffering anymore". You turned around and looked at him closely. He looked so broken and sad. And so you hugged him like you would hug a little kid who was deadly scared because he couldn't find his mum anywhere. 

The hug you received back spoke louder than words. If you couldn't stand the pain of losing a best friend you couldn't begin to imagine how it felt to lose the love of your life. That's how Freddie often referred to Jim as. But destiny was cruel and even if it had ripped them both apart too soon, he remained kind and humble and patient. "He loved you, Jim" you softly said with a broken voice, after some moments of silence. You felt him smile when he spoke. "He loved you too, darling" to which you slightly chuckled with a half smile. You would have loved to stay like that for a long time, consoling each other, but there was that feeling once again. Your breath began to quicken and your muscles tensed up. You had the urge to move and go away. So you pulled away and gave him a peck on the cheek before rushing down the stairs, every step you took faster than the last. You needed to run. So you rushed down the hallway until you reached the front entrance. You didn't expect to see anyone on the other side when you practically yanked the door open. But Brian was there, standing with wide eyes and completely damp. The more you stared at his face, the worse it became: His dark hair was stuck to his face, and his bloodshot eyes and scruffy beard made him look like a stereotypical homeless guy. His clothes didn't help him dismiss that look either, as he was wearing just a jacket over a big t-shirt and some sweatpants he used as a pyjamas. His bottom lip was stained with blood from probably being bitten too much. You blinked a ridiculous amount of times while you processed what you were seeing and suddenly sobbed without meaning to, feeling like it all was too much to bear. You quickly circled around him before going under the rain, getting rid of all the dryness your clothes had absorbed before. -Y/N! Wait!- you heard him say, but you couldn't stop. Your shaky, fast breaths mixed with the sobbing were louder and louder with every movement you made. You couldn't tell if you were crying or not, but your vision was starting to go blurry. You only thought about going away. You had to disappear. A firm but soft hand stopped your movement by gripping one of your wrists tightly. You wrestled to try and get away from Brian. "No! Let me go!" you yelled. Your own voice scared yourself: so broken and desperate. The tall one didn't let go, but instead just drew you near and brought you close to his body, his arms completely steady around you. "NO!" You screamed trying to get away once more but it was in vain. You dropped your head and you grabbed Brian's jacket tightly, as loud sobs started to escape from your throat. "It's not fair!" You cried out "IT'S NOT FAIR" you yelled with everything you had. You hit the man's chest with your fist, but his grip didn't loosen. You finally wrapped your arms around him, too, and he caressed your back while whispering soft "sssh"s and "it will be alright"s on your ear. Even when your knees failed to hold your body, Brian didn't let go of you for one second. And you both stayed on the ground, hugging under the non stopping London shower and truly feeling like it all would be sorted out eventually, as Brian May was the only support you needed at that moment. The one you craved to call the love of your life, but couldn’t quite do it yet.

The ring of the telephone cut your thoughts and you furrowed your eyebrows. Who could it be? It couldn't be your family, you just saw them a few hours ago, as you spent the last months with them and you already let your mum know you arrived safely, so why would they call? You discarded that option. You wondered if it could be the boys, but it was unprovable. When you were about to leave, you told them you needed to rest and recover from the big hit and you emphasised enough times that you would not call them unless it was an emergency, as you truly needed to disconnect, but either way you would always pick up their phone calls. That did sound kind of stupid now that you thought about it(as one blond guy you knew didn't fail to complain about) but that's how you felt you could recover better. You would still hear about your friends, as both Roger and John called you from time to time, checking on you and talking with you about how they and their family were doing, but you wouldn't waste the few energy you had thinking about when to call them and what to talk about, constantly worrying about it. Even though they all promised to call, Brian never did. That made you feel slightly guilty, but you quickly got that out of your head, telling yourself that's not your fault, as you already had expressed cautiously how the situation was gonna be and they all (eventually) understood and respected your wishes. Anyways, none of them knew you were home, so even if it was either your family or your friends, they would have called your mobile phone. You got up and turned down a bit the volume of the music before picking up. "Hullo!" you said, curiosity spotted in your voice. The other end of the line was silent and you couldn't help but wonder if this was a prank. "Hello?" You insited. "Is this Y/N?" You heard a woman say. You held your breath, recognizing who she was. "Uuh, yeah" you simply said with a tense voice. 'Fuck', was the only thought that came to mind. "I need to talk to you" she said with a tone you could not identify. You swallowed hard and closed your eyes before trying to apologize about everything. "Er, look Chrisse, I'm sorry about-". "Save it" she cut you. "You're not sorry and we both know that" you could hear she was frustrated and you stayed silent, wishing the earth would swallow you in that instant. "Look... I don't wanna hear it okay? I knew my relationship with Brian was going to end when we started to distance ourselves and his affair with you only made things clearer." you ducked your head, ashamed. You knew Chrisse found out about this through Roger. He told you Brian spoke with her out of guilt and that's when things started to go downhill. John was the one that told you they got a divorce. When he explained that to you, you wanted to call your lover and ask about everything that was going on, but eventually decided to remain faithful to what you stated and just patiently waited for a call that never came through. Did you make a mistake by not calling Brian? "Yes, you did ruin my marriage but..." the woman continued and her voice made you come back to reality. "I do not really hold grudges against you. I'm still angry, as you will understand, but Brian and I have remained friends still or that's what I like to think... I forgive him, Y/N. I forgive you both" she sighed heavily. 'Wow' you thought. That's the last thing you expected to hear from someone who's life you pretty much ruined. "Um, thank you, I'm so glad..." you said awkwardly trying to regain your posture. You cleared your voice before speaking up. "What did you want to talk about, then?" "I need your help” she simply said. “You owe me after all". 'So she holds no grudges but still keeps bringing it up' you stopped yourself from rolling your eyes. Even if Chrissie had all the right to say it as many times as she wanted to, it still pissed you off a tiny bit. Without waiting for you to agree, she went on. "It's Brian". "Huh?" You rapidly said wishing that you heard what she said wrong. The moments of silence before she spoke again felt eternal. "He's doing really bad, Y/N". "W-what do you mean?" You questioned with a hint of fear in your voice. 'I really fucking messed up by not calling him' you thought while exhaling shakily and running a hand through your hair. "Can you swing by? It's better if I explain it to you face to face". "I'll be right up" you shortly said and hung up. You picked up your jacket, your wallet, your keys, and your phone and you bolted out the door, not even turning off the record player and leaving your steamy tea turn cold.

[childishadultperson]

Our Final Goodbye

So a majority of this I wrote late at night on my phone. So pardon any mistakes. Also there is swearing. So for those who care or read this part, be warned.

I angrily wiped away the burning tears from my eyes as I nodded to the lecturing voice. My chest tightened and loud sobs threatened to break free. After almost two years of dating Chris, he was finally breaking up with me. He tried comforting me with those cliche sayings, but my brain just wouldn’t comprehend them. Where did I go wrong? Did I upset him? All those questions wouldn’t come out. I just obediently listened and didn’t say a peep. After a while he finished rambling and left. I just sank to the floor and finally let everything out. I screamed as loud as I could, not quite caring who heard. I was heartbroken and alone. No answers to the questions that never left my lips. How could he be so calm? Did he no longer care about me? My phone was buzzing on the table across from me, but I felt so heavy. Even my eyelids became too much and finally shut. With a tear stained face I curled up in a ball and fell asleep by the door.

“Y/N, please, just for tonight come out with us,” my friend, Ally, begged. “It’s been over a month hun. You really need to go out.” I sighed and rolled over trying to avoid talking. Everyday since Chris and I broke up my friends have been trying to get me to leave the house. I know I should, but the thought makes me sick.

“Come on. It’ll be me and you and a nice hotel outside of the city. We can go to that new club and get pizza. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“I should leave the house,” I mumbled turning towards her. “Plus pizza sounds really good.”

“How did I know that would be the thing that would get you,” Ally laughed. “Why don’t you go shower and get dressed up.” I nodded finally moving off the couch for what seemed like days. I grabbed my phone, but Ally instantly grabbed it out of my hand.

“Leave your phone. I don’t want you to even look at it once,” Ally warned. I gave her a questioning look, but she dismissed it. “Now go and hurry up. I gotta call Jay quick. “I nodded and started to talk to the bathroom. Right as I turned the water on I realized I had forgotten to grab clothes from my room and started to walk back, until I heard Ally talking.

“Sure, I can’t have my phone, but you can,” I mumbled staring at my unsuspecting friend.

“Whatever you do, don’t tell her about the new girl,” Ally warned the person on the phone. “I could barely get her off the couch today. I had to bribe her with food.” I paused instantly when I found out I was the topic. My heart leaped in my chest fearing the worst. The other girl? Did Chris have another girl? No. It’s only been a little over a month. We must have another girl joining our group. That’s all. I forcefully pulled myself away from the conversation fearing the unknown. On one hand I could be overreacting and overthinking. On the other hand I could be right and even more hurt. Sighing I just went to shower.

Jay met Ally and I at the club. I pulled at my dress which was pretty short compared to my normal clothing choice. Although Ally thought I looked perfect, I felt a bit uncomfortable. She told me it was because I wasn’t used to wearing normal clothes due to all the pajamas I’ve been wearing lately. Jay looked me up and down once before giving me a thumbs up.

“Now you look like your old self,” Jay commented. He untucked the hair behind my ear and gave me a smirk. “Looking fabulous today. Don’t worry about a thing doll. We’ll take care of you. Now, let’s hope the line doesn’t take too long.”

It didn't take too long to get into the club amazingly. Jay went to go get some drinks while Ally and I tried to find some place to relax for a moment. I scanned the club and only managed to see a big entanglement of bodies. The music pounded in my head giving me a slight headache. I guess it's been a while since I've been to a club. I sat down on a nearby chair. Jay eventually found us and handed us our drinks.

"Can I have this dance?" Jay asked me as the song changed. I nodded my head and slammed my drink, causing my friends to cheer for me. "Doesn't this feel better than being at home?" Honestly, no. I hate how random strangers think it's okay to grind on you. The lack of personal space, the expensive drinks, and they never play one full song.

"Yes," I lied mustering the best smile I could do. Although Jay seemed a little suspicious of it, he gave up. Must've figured something as better than nothing. After a few songs my feet began to feel sore. I slowly leaned into Jay as a hint that I wanted to sit down.

"Why don't you sit down and I'll go get Ally. I need a wing woman right now. I'm pretty sure that guy at the bar has been staring at me," Jay said. I laughed and walked over to an empty table. It wasn't long before a stranger tapped my shoulder.

"That's my table," some drunk girl slurred. I looked at her confused. The table was vacant when I got here, but is it worth the fight. "Did you hear me? Or are you just dumb?" Yes. Now it is.

"Actually, you don't own the club, so it doesn't matter. I'll sit where I choose. Now go bother someone else." I waved my hand and went back to sipping on a drink.

"Listen here you b-"

"This was the worst choice I ever made," a deep voice growled behind the girl. "You need a constant babysitter. Grown adult my ass. You act like a child. I can't even leave you alone for five minutes before you get yourself in trouble. Why did I ever agree to this?" My heart sank as I slowly began to recognize the voice. I dipped my head trying to hide the tears that were about to spill. Without saying anything I got up and tried to get away, but fate refused to let me leave. I ended up tripping over my feet and falling towards the ground. Although the girl laughed, Chris was quick to act. He just managed to save me from hitting the ground.

"Y/N!" Ally screamed rushing over towards me. "Are you okay? I should've gave you shorter heels like you asked. I'm sorry." My friend wrapped me in her arms. Once she saw who saved me, her arms tightened around me. I buried my head in my friend's shoulder as silent tears began to fall.

"Is Y/N okay?" Jay asked rubbing my back. "Did she hurt herself?"

"Who are you?" Chris asked, venom in his words. I looked up concerned on what was happening around me. Although I was at a lost of words, my friends weren’t.

“None of your damn business,” Jay spat pulling me away from Ally. “Let’s go Y/N. Ally can you grab her things. Pizza is calling our names. Plus, I’m sure that hotel will be pissed if we show up too late.” Jay smirked and I felt the tension get thicker around me.

“What do you mean?” Chris questioned slowly losing the fire in his voice earlier. His eyes softened and looked down at me. “Hotel room?” Confusion, hurt, and anger were trying to fight for dominance as he stared. “Are you really over it?” It was my time to be angry now.

“What the hell does that mean?” I broke free of Jay’s grip and pulled Chris away from everyone. Once we were in a quiet place I looked around to make sure we were alone. “Am I over it? I’ve been sitting in my room for a month straight. I’ve avoid people and I barely ate. I was heartbroken and here you are parading around with another girl. You had no emotion when you broke up with me. So why do I need to be the sad one? Why can’t I have fun and do things I want to do. Do I really mean nothing to you. It was two years Christopher. Two, fucking years. Then you toss it all away with no explanation.” Tears were now flowing down my face and I couldn’t even care. I slowly crouched to the ground in hopes that if I became small enough, I wouldn’t exist. I should’ve never left my bed.

“This is not what I wanted,” Chris mumbled. I looked at him confused. He slowly grabbed me and brought me back up. “I never wanted you hurt, but I never thought about you being with someone else.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I asked. My hands began to ball into a fist. Anger was welling up inside me. “Never wanted me hurt?” I hit Chris on his chest, slowly getting harder. After a while Chris got annoyed and pulled me into a hug. I tried to pull away, but his grip just got stronger. “Please. Tell me why.”

“No llores por favor,” Chris whimpered. “I did a terrible job explain the first time. So let me explain again. I had to leave you. I knew that you didn’t want to be apart of what was going to happen and management needed this to happen. The only reason I am with her is because I had to be. It’s the only way people would believe that we were together. I hate her. She is not what I want. What I want is you.”

“Bullshit Chris. You say you want me, but you leave me. You never gave me a chance either. You could’ve talked to me about it. I don’t care who you have to fake date. All I ever wanted was you. I loved you Chris. I would’ve went to the end of the world for you. Sure, everyone would’ve thought it was real, but when you got home I would know that you were mine.”

“You say that now, but down the road things could’ve been different.”

“You’re right. Maybe they would’ve been different, but shouldn’t we have tried. Did we really mean nothing. You didn’t have any trust that I would’ve wanted you. That even though I would’ve gotten jealous, you thought I would’ve left you. You know how many times I did get jealous. Seeing all those girls throw themselves at you. It hurt like hell, but at the end of the day I knew that you were mine. I knew that you would come home to me, but with that one girl. That’s when you decide to end it. I don’t care how hard it would’ve been, I would’ve stayed. Yet you were so willing to give up on us Chris.”

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Chris kissed my lips and part of me wanted to kiss him back. Part of me wanted to say it was okay, because deep down I did want this to happen. I wanted his lips back on mine, but now that I have it. I felt sick. I pushed him away and he seemed confused. “Y/N?”

“You should’ve said that a long time ago. I’m done waiting for you. Sure it’s going to hurt, but I’m done with you. Have a good life Chris. I don’t want to worry about you anymore.”

“So you’re going to give up on us?”

“You already did Chris. It’s time I finally catch up and look at reality.”

“I still love you.”

“I know.”

[bvidzsoo]

Abiding Darkness (VIII)

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Pairing: Oh Sehun x OC

 Warning: violence

 Word count: 4, 870

 Summary:   Belikov Bora is living in Seoul at her grandparents as she had gotten her long awaited scholarship. She’s not new to this world but she’s also not really interested in the famous people of it…so maybe that’s why she gets the shock of her life when a zombie apocalypse begins and she’s stuck with Oh Sehun.

 A/N: I don’t mean to be like this, but seeing the lack of feedback it discourages me and it just makes me wonder if I should really write this...since no one seems to really appreciate it. This being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

    Dreams seemed like a good option. Nightmares were the worst. My mind was clouded with different images and I couldn’t make out which were actual memories and which were the real nightmares. The faces of my grandparents kept changing into their normal ones and into the ones I just saw yesterday. It didn’t help that I felt like I was suffocating all night, too warm but once I threw the blanket off myself, it was too cold. Nothing was good, my head was acting up and it drove me crazy. After crying yesterday night, I thought I’d be better, but my heart still felt heavy and my eyes were puffy too.

I was woken up half an hour ago by Sehun, who noticed me sleeping uncomfortably and decided to ease my suffering. Jian was still asleep, up in my room, curled underneath my blanket. It was quiet in the kitchen as I prepared some breakfast. It still felt weird, we could be friends who do this every day, such a normal thing. But once you look outside and see how dead everything looks, you realize reality is much crueler.

I was cutting some tomato when Sehun cleared his throat, sitting at the table. He’d been watching me closely ever since I took the knife into my hands and it made me really uncomfortable. Was he thinking I’d do something to myself? I’m not that unstable.

“Can you stop staring?” I decided to speak up, irritation lacing my voice.

“I’m just thinking, not starring” Came his answer and I scoffed, glancing back at him.

“Look at the wall then, not me” I muttered and heard the rustling of clothes before I felt the warmness coming from Sehun’s body.

“No, seriously” His voice was quiet as he towered over me, knuckles turning white as I gripped the knife too hard. His closeness always affected me in a weird way I could not explain.

“Your grandparents seemed perfectly okay, I mean--the house is in a good condition. That means no one broke in. Jian and her mother were outside when the earthquake happened, her mother turned but she didn’t--”

“Are you saying…” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at Sehun, putting two and two together. That means, all this didn’t start from a disease, it was from the gas that leaked out from the earth, which means… “Are you saying we are immune?”

“Is there any other explanation?” Sehun raised his eyebrows, looking me in the eyes.

“Is it even possible?” I muttered with a sigh, turning back to finish cutting the tomatoes.

“Do you have any better explanation?”

“No” I muttered and Sehun hummed as he moved to take three plates from the cupboard. He quietly arranged the table while I cut some more cucumbers.

There was thudding coming from upstairs and both Sehun and I paused what we were doing, slightly alarmed. But soon I realized it was just Jian, who probably woke up. We would have woken her up soon, we are leaving after breakfast.

“Good morning” Jian’s groggy voice brought a smile to my face as she stood in the doorway, hair sticking in every way. This made me glance at Sehun subconsciously, realizing how perfect his hair looked. Is he some sort of God since he always looks good?

“Good morning” I echoed as Jian trudged inside, taking a seat at the table “We have scrambled eggs for breakfast”

“Oh, that’s yummy” Jian didn’t sound very excited and my eyebrows furrowed slightly. Maybe she’s just a little grumpy since she just woke up?

“You could sound at least a little more grateful, brat. We aren’t obliged to feed you or even take care of--”

“Oh Sehun” I sternly interrupted the man, throwing him a glare, “You can’t speak like that to a child”

“She’s getting on my nerves” Sehun reciprocated my glare “It’s not that I have to take care of her, I could have left her in that house for all I care, I don’t care about her--”

“Nor about me” It hurt to say those words, honestly, it really did. I know we don’t know each other and are basically forced to survive together, but I did start to care about Sehun. Hearing him say he really doesn’t care about Jian or me...it’s not the best feeling in the world.

“I hate people like you” Jian whispered, looking down at her plate.

“Look what you’ve done” I hissed at Sehun, sitting beside Jian, “Don’t listen to him, okay? I care about you, you are my friend”

“You don’t know me” Jian muttered and I patted her hair, leaning closer to her.

“I know you well enough to know that you are an amazing girl, smart and beautiful” Jian glanced up at me through her lashes and I smiled at her friendly.

“Can you not...argue when I’m around?” She looked at Sehun this time, her eyebrows drawn in a frown. Sehun raised an eyebrow and I had the urge to throw my knife at him.

“Mommy and daddy argued a lot in the past months, it really made me sad. You remind me of them a lot”

“This is just friendly banter, don’t worry, it’s nothing serious” I reassured Jian and she offered me a small smile.

“I assume your parents didn’t get along anymore?” I gasped, head snapping in Sehun’s direction. How can he ask something like that from a kid?

“Sehun” I glared at him hard, getting more and more annoyed, “You can’t say things like that. She’s a kid. She’s not supposed to know things like that. How can you be such a hypocrite and not consider whatever you say first?”

“She’s a kid but not stupid” Sehun deadpanned and raised from the table, taking his plate and storming off. I closed my eyes and heaved a long sigh, feeling a headache form. Why is this happening? And today out of all days...God this is so hard.

“I’m sorry” Jian muttered, the sound of fork hitting plate echoing in the kitchen. I looked at Jian as she ate, forcing down my own food as my appetite was gone.

“It’s not your fault” I muttered, eyeing with regret the tomatoes I cut but couldn’t eat anymore. If I force down too much food, I will only end up throwing up later.

Breakfast was tense and the fact that Sehun was ignoring both me and Jian didn’t help. I don’t understand why he’s the one getting mad when Jian should be the one. She might be a kid, but these are sensitive topics to discuss with a kid her age. Cleaning the kitchen, Jian and I went upstairs to change and get ready to leave. When I undid the braid made by Jian, my hair fell in soft waves and Jian stared at my hair in awe, giggling as she played with the waves as I sat on the floor and packed my own clothes.

“Why is your hair red?” She wondered loudly and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“My father has red hair” I answered her.

“Oh, mommy had black hair, I got her hair color” Jian helped me push my pajamas inside my backpack, a lot bigger than the one Sehun gave me.

“You are really pretty, I saw you and your mom that day, you both looked beautiful” I complimented her and Jian giggled while making the bed.

“I know, people always said that, daddy was jealous” I giggled as I checked my phone to see that soon it would stop working. There was no reason to charge it since you couldn’t use it. However, Jian’s phone was fully charged as she played games when she got too bored.

“Do we have to see that rude man right now?” Jian asked with a pout and I chuckled, helping her zip her backpack closed.

“Yes, Jian and try to be a little nicer with him” I took our backpacks and we both exited my room, going downstairs.

“He’s not nice to me” She mumbled and I rolled my eyes. If they knew how similar they were…Descending the stairs, we came face to face with Sehun who was glaring at us.

“Took you long enough” He grumbled and I rolled my eyes, taking Jian’s jacket off the hanger.

“You are such a pissy boy” Jian stuck her tongue out at Sehun who looked offended and I couldn’t help but let out a choked laugh. Serves him right for being rude for no reason. He really needs to work on that attitude of his.

“I am not, it’s not funny” He looked at me and I just shrugged, helping the jacket on Jian.

“Go and take on your shoes” I pushed Jian forward as she nodded and went to get her shoes. I sighed, looking at my coats hanged up on the hanger. I can’t take a long one, it will get me in trouble if we meet an Affected one. Unfortunately, I had to settle for my black leather jacket that wasn’t too warm for this weather. I’ll have to dress thicker underneath then.

“Bora” I ignored Sehun as I slipped my boots on, searching for my green scarf. Zombie apocalypse or not, no one can stop me from wearing my favorite clothes. There was a sigh behind me before I was abruptly turned around, eyes widening.

“I’m speaking to you” Sehun muttered calmly, a contrast to his blazing eyes.

“And I’m not speaking to you” I tried shrugging his grip off.

“This morning--”

“You are a hypocrite for speaking to a kid like that. I understand if you have a problem with me, but say it to me, when Jian isn’t around. If you have frustrations, say them to me when we are alone and stop leashing out to a defenseless kid, who, maybe, lost both parents. Do you understand what it means for her to travel with two strangers? To trust us after a day of being with us? How do you think she feels, Sehun? How do you think I feel? I try to take care of all of us, protect you and I know you don’t give a flying fuck about me or Jian, but please, try and not be so obvious about it” I snapped, feeling like a weight was lifted off of my chest. I’ve been feeling burdened ever since I broke down and had Sehun console me. He seemed sincere, but his words, while we were having breakfast, angered me more than anything. He has no rights to act like he’s better in times like this, we are equal, the Affected ones don’t care if they kill a commoner or an idol.

“I don’t dislike you” His tone was harsh, matching the look in his eyes, “I’m just scared. I have no idea what to do. I can’t even kill a thing like that while you already killed three. I feel like I’m to no use and it will get us killed if I don’t man up. I’m just as scared as you are, if not more. I can’t control my temper and even though I’m a calm person, I just can’t help but be on the edge all the time”

“Then man up, Sehun” I looked him in the eyes, to see them trembling, “If you don’t want us dead, man up”

He didn’t say anything, only stared at me. Jian’s footsteps echoed in the quiet house as she walked back to us, eyeing us curiously.

“Are you ready?” I looked at her, wanting to step back but Sehun pulled me closer to him.

“What are you doing?” I muttered alarmed, heart suddenly picking up at the close proximity. Sehun just shrugged, hands wrapping around the material of my scarf.

“You are so clumsy” He chuckled, trying to stop his smile that threatened to take over his lips, “And you put on your scarf like shit”

“Don’t curse in front of a kid” I punched his shoulder lightly and a lopsided grin appeared on his appealing lips. Why am I looking at his lips again? Snap out of it Bora! Once Sehun’s hands stopped working on my scarf, I realized I was caught red-handed staring as a curious look appeared in his eyes. Way to go Bora.

“Jian” I cleared my throat as I stepped back, taking her backpack. “Here”

“Thank you” She giggled as she watched me and I shamefully blushed. Even she saw me staring at Sehun’s lips, why am I so clumsy?

“Bora, I saw a car by the house” Sehun spoke up as he handed me my backpack.

“It’s my grandfather’s”

“Can we take it? It would get us faster into the city and maybe it’s safer going through the forest” I nodded at Sehun’s words. I don’t want to walk through the forest again, it’s quite scary. I quickly got the keys and handed them to Sehun.

“You can drive, you know the city better than I do” I muttered as we opened the front door and Sehun was the first one out, making sure we were alone. After everyone was out of the house, I couldn’t help but lock it. This is a house that my grandmother cherished dearly and I wasn’t going to just leave it like that. When all this is over, I promise to come back grandma, grandpa.

The car was a gray Daewoo Lanos, quite an old one. My grandfather always complained about wanting to buy a newer model, one that didn’t break down whenever it wanted to. Thinking about that, I bit my lower lip nervously.

“Sehun” I called out before he could unlock the door, “I’m not sure how good the car is...grandpa always complained about it breaking down”

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t look that bad” He offered me a reassuring smile but I felt uneasiness spread in me. Something felt wrong, something just wasn’t right. This car wasn’t safe, it would be the same as going by feet. But I decided to trust Sehun and a car would really help us travel faster.

I helped Jian into the backseat, doing the belt for her and placed our backpacks by her feet. Sehun got into the driver's seat and I followed suit, sitting in the passenger seat. Once our seatbelts were on, Sehun started the car but it didn’t start from the first, he had to try three times. I glanced at him, biting my lower lip as the uneasiness got worse. Maybe going by car wasn’t a very wise idea, not with a car that is on the verge of breaking down at least.

“Don’t worry” Sehun placed a hand on my knee and patted it reassuringly as he started driving down the empty road, but I couldn’t help and play with my fingers out of nervousness. I just wish to get past the forest, nothing else.

But what you are afraid of you can’t escape. And the car decided to break down in the middle of the forest. We were so close to getting out, but it stopped. My anxiety got worse as I looked around nervously, my lower lip hurting from biting it so hard.

“Bora” Sehun’s voice made me snap my head in his direction.

“Yeah?”

“You are bruising your lip” I quickly released my lip as I stared at Sehun’s face. He looked serious, even calm. How could he control his face so well?

“I will go and check what’s the problem, okay?” He undid his belt and before he could open the door I caught his arm, heart beating quickly. I glanced back at Jian, who was playing on her phone, oblivious to the two of us.

“I have a bad feeling, please don’t go out” I muttered, looking directly into his eyes.

“I need to check so that we can continue going on” Sehun’s hand wrapped around mine as he tenderly peeled my hand off his arm.

“I’m taking the gun with me, is that reassuring enough?” He squeezed my hand and I let out a shaky breath.

“No, but fine” I muttered and Sehun threw me an amused smile as he finally got out. My eyes followed him as he went to the front of the car and opened the capote. My legs were bouncing up and down as my eyes scanned our surroundings, making sure there were no Affected ones.

“Why did we stop?” Jian asked curiously, hand lowered in her lap.

“Nothing to worry about, Sehun will check the engine and we can continue going on” I tried to offer a calm and friendly smile as I turned around, looking at Jian. She returned a more childish smile and I couldn’t help but dart my eyes around. This felt wrong, very wrong. Something was about to happen.

“Jian, you should hide” I undid my belt and turned around in my seat, hands going to undo her belt too.

“Why?” She asked confused, placing her phone into the pocket of her red jacket.

“Just trust me, okay?” I offered her a small smile as Jian looked at me confused.

“Where can I hide in a car?”

“Get down from the seat and curl up in a ball, if you hear anything weird, don’t look up and most importantly, don’t come out. You can play on your phone too as long as it keeps you distracted, okay?” I urged her, watching her get down from the backseat confused.

“You are scaring me” Jian said with a frown. I patted her head once she was sitting on the floor of the car and dropped a blanket over her, my grandfather always kept one in his car as I tended to fall asleep after a long day at the university.

“Lock the door once I knock on the window twice, okay?” Jian peeked out from the blanket, up at me.

“Take care, Bora...and Mr. Oh too” She whispered and I smiled at her.

“Nothing is going to happen, I’m just making sure” Jian nodded and I finally exited the car. Sehun’s head shot up from the capote and he frowned at me.

“What are you doing?” He asked quietly and I waved him off.

“Don’t mind me, just hurry up, okay?” Sehun hummed as I walked to the back of the car and opened the truck. There was always a baseball bat inside since my grandfather would often go and play with his retired friends baseball. Upon taking it out, I closed the truck and went to knock on Jian’s window. She locked the doors with wide eyes and I ushered her back down with my hand.

I stayed put as I surveyed the area with my eyes. The forest wasn’t thick here, you could see between the trees. It was quiet, I got used to it by now, but this quiet was scary. It felt different, almost deadly. Just as I was about to turn and walk towards Sehun, my eyes widened as my heart rate picked up. I wish it was one, but there were three Affected ones running towards us, coming out of the forest.

“Sehun” I called, voice higher than ever.

“Bora, what--” When he turned around, the capote was slammed down and the gun instantly in his hand.

“Get back inside” Sehun was quickly by my side, gripping my arm tightly.

“I’m not leaving you alone” I hissed at him as my hands tightened around the baseball bat. I did this already, it should be a piece of cake. They aren’t humans, they are mere monsters. It’s either us or them. If I killed my grandparents without hesitation, I must kill them without a blink. My hands started trembling as two more Affected ones joined the other three, being five in total. I drew in a sharp breath.

“Protect Jian and yourself at all costs, okay?” I gripped his arm as Sehun raised the other, pointing the gun in their direction.

“I’m not going to leave you like that, Bora” Sehun hissed, pulling the trigger, surprisingly hitting and Affected one.

“I’m a man, and I will protect both of you” I never saw so much determination in Sehun’s eyes as he gazed into mine. I opened my mouth to say something but the words died in my mouth when he placed a kiss on my forehead and took off, distancing himself from the car. He started firing again, but he didn’t kill any this time. Swallowing my saliva, I gripped the baseball bat in my hands hard and took off running, towards the snarling creatures.

There’s no running away, it’s them or us.

Two were headed towards me, both looking like females. Their eyes were black and mouths wide opened as dried blood lingered around their teeth and chin. I cringed and almost gagged at the stench when one got close enough for me to swing my bat at it. It connected hard with the side of the female as I swung with all the force I had in myself. The creature stumbled to the side, almost falling over. But the other one was closer than before and I swung my bat at it too, aiming for its head. There was a loud cracking sound as the creature fell to the ground while the other got up. There was a gunshot from our left and I really hoped Sehun was managing it on his own. The first creature I hit was snarling loudly as it eyed its companion before her eyes snapped at me and her mouth opened wide just like it wanted to bite me. I was breathing through my mouth loudly as I swung my bat at it again, but this time the creature jumped away. They are smart too? Aren’t they just brainless things that attack people? The creature was watching me almost mockingly as I huffed frustrated. It was slowly drawing me away from the car as it kept stepping back and as much as a bad idea it seemed like, I needed to kill it. Not wanting to play her game anymore, I ran towards it and swung my bat as its shoulders, probably dislocating it as it turned into a weird direction. I swung my bat at her legs once again, making it fall to the ground. It’s either them or us. Looking into its eyes, the creature snarled at me loudly and as she was about to stand up, I swung my bat down hard on it, hitting the back of her neck. It collapsed on the ground, the white bat becoming bloody as the snarls stopped. My chest was rising and falling violently and when I turned around my heart seemed like it stopped working. The creature I hit in the head was repeatedly hitting the car window while Sehun was tackled on the ground by an Affected one, another dead one laying with a bullet in its head beside them.

What am I supposed to do? I need to save both of them. I can’t let the creature get to Jian but no way on earth can I let the creature touch Sehun.

With a frustrated cry, I ran towards Sehun and the creature, swinging my bat hard to hit its head, sending the creature off Sehun.

“Take this” I threw the bat at Sehun, who looked at me wide-eyed.

“You need this, I can--”

“Just take it!” I exclaimed, eyeing the creature that was wobbly getting back on its feet, “Kill it”

My voice sounded gravelly and Sehun was up in a second, but I have already turned around, running towards the creature that was trying to smash the car window.

“Get the fuck away!” I growled, running full force into it, sending it to ground.

“You won’t touch her” I hissed, raising my foot to smash it down on its stomach. The creature snarled loudly, almost like it cried out in pain. It’s us, not them, they are going to die.

I kicked as hard as I could in the side of the creature, making it turn around, trying to shield itself. I raised my leg to kick its back again but I felt a cold and sticky hand on my left leg, dragging me down. I gasped as I fell, hitting my head in the ground. I groaned, laying beside the creature on the cold ground. The creature snarled as its head snapped in my direction and I tried to scramble away but it was still holding my shin, squeezing it hard. The creature got onto its knees as I started kicking with my legs, hoping I would hit it. But it got onto me without me being able to stop it, the stench from its mouth making me gag as it opened widely. The creature was lowering itself, wanting to bite me. I can’t let that happen no matter what. I placed my forearms against its chest and kept pushing it back with all the force I had in me but this Affected looked buffer than the other ones. This was a once well-built man and I didn’t have much to do against him. It was pressing down hard on my leg, the pain becoming worse and worse. A yelp left my lips as I tried pushing away the creature. All of a sudden, it abandoned trying to bite me and for a second I thought it was going to leave me alone as my legs kept kicking, trying to get him off me. But then an excruciating pain came from my left shin, a pain like I never felt before. A loud cry left my lips as my brows scrunched up. I felt the bone crack, I even heard it. I couldn’t stop whimpering as I tried fighting the creature off me. I can’t give up, I can’t leave Sehun and Jian alone.

Suddenly, there was another bone cracking sound, but it didn’t come from me, before the creature could fall on me, it was pushed to the side as it lay unmoving. Sehun came in my view of line and I couldn’t choke back the sob that escaped, the pain in my leg too powerful.

“Bora” He was breathless as the bat fell on the ground and Sehun dropped down beside me, his hands gripping my cheek. I couldn’t stop my tears from falling, the fear and pain mixing.

“What happened? Bora, talk to me” Sehun shook me frantically and I bit my lip, trying to calm myself.

“My-my shin--I can’t--the creature broke my--shin” My hands were trembling as Sehun’s eyebrows pulled into a frown and he looked at the dead creature beside us in rage.

“That fucking bastard!” He growled, pulling me up into a sitting position, “I’m going to destroy it”

“You already killed it” I gripped Sehun’s arm when he was about to get up.

“I don’t care” Sehun was fuming as he reached for the bat.

“Please, Sehun--” I yelped when Sehun let out a frustrated cry, slamming the bat against the ground.

“Please, let’s go” I whispered, my trembling fingers grazing his arm “There could be more, we can’t stay here”

Sehun was breathing hard as he hooked an arm underneath my knees and shoulders, lifting me up in his arms. I gripped his jacket hard as he handed me the bat and started walking back to the car.

“Stupid” Sehun hissed, looking down at me.

“I just broke my shin, I am in much pain and you still insult me?” I tried to chuckle, to look less miserable.

“You are so clumsy” Sehun looked into my eyes as he stopped beside the car, trying to open the door.

“It’s locked” I muttered and extended my arm to knock on the window twice. We watched as Jian slowly got out from underneath the blanket, eyes wide and frightened. She seemed close to crying as she unlocked the doors. Sehun opened the door and carefully placed me on the passenger seat, making me wince in pain as I moved my leg a little.

“Bora, are you okay?” Jian asked, voice shaky.

“We are both fine” I turned to offer her a small smile and she looked at me worried as Sehun got inside.

“Seatbelt, both of you” He demanded as he locked the doors and forced the engine at least twice.

“Just go!” He hollered, frustratedly hitting the wheel.

“Sehun” I warned, knowing how scared Jian already was. He looked at me and without warning took my hand, interlacing our fingers. I continued looking at him as I leaned over and turned the key, the engine roared to life. I nodded at him and in no time he speed down the road, taking us away from that damned forest.

“We are safe for now, Jian, please don’t be scared” I looked back at her as she nodded wordlessly, playing with her fingers.

“Mr. Oh...thank you for taking care of us” She muttered timidly, not looking at any of us. Sehun hummed as he continued driving, squeezing my hand. He was blaming himself for my injury. I am not blaming him though, I saved Jian. That’s all that matters.

 ~Next Part~

[video-game-imagines]

The Way You Said “I Love You” #8 & #50 (As an apology + So quietly that I almost didn’t hear you)

AN: Wow! So, after an overwhelming response and general amazingness from you guys I decided to go ahead and write a part 2 to my previous Connor RK800 x Reader story. I got a lot of requests for some fluff so I will do my best to make this a happier resolution. Warnings: Spoilers? Again, the timeline is going to diverge from the cannon to stretch the events of the game from a few days to a few weeks. Disclaimer: I don’t own Detroit: Become Human or it’s characters. I really hope I did this justice and that you enjoy  the story. Likes, Comments, & Reblogs are always very much appreciated! Word Count: 7k+ I don’t know what’s wrong with me I keep getting carried away. 😭

Part 1

Tagging: I’m tagging everyone that asked to be tagged or expressed interest in a sequel. @rhinestone-eyed-angel @jeffydaandroid @devils-wear-westwood @xxperfectionisdeadlyxx @connorisalivedbh @sarcasticwaistoid @valenjagi @losersunitetonight @bitchingandshitposting @dark-raven3316 @skayllershu @harleycurlyq @lizzylegg143 @the-rad-mad @jasmindoodles @kum-quatss 

The blaring of your alarm clock hit you like a tidal wave sending shudders of pain straight to your brain. Wave after wave of throbbing pain that was finally enough to get you to stretch your arm out and swipe at the damn clock. With another groan you turned over on your back and pulled the blankets fully over your head deciding that perhaps today was a good day to call in sick; you hadn’t taken a personal day in ages and you’re sure that even Captain Fowler would understand. You knew it was probably a childish move to try and run from your problems but after everything that had happened yesterday you weren’t feeling up to facing the world. You sank further into your bed as you replayed the events of yesterday over in your mind for what was probably the hundredth time.

       Having to face someone like Elijah Kamski again considering your history would have been enough but having your heart broken without even truly realizing it was without a doubt the worst pain you could have ever felt; and for heaven’s sake you had been shot before.  Not wanting to think about it anymore you threw your covers off you and turned toward your bathroom. You halted in front of your mirror noticing how swollen and red your eyes were but you could expect nothing less after spending half the night crying until you had nothing left. You turned away and started your shower hoping that it would help calm you down and clear your head. But it did a poor job as your mind kept jumping back to Connor. You hadn’t been in the shower for more than a minute before you felt tears starting to brim in your eyes. Damnit! Why did it hurt this much? He was right… Connor was right you we were in love with him before you even realized it. And the worst part was that you still felt something for the stupid android even after what happened yesterday. Sliding down the wall of your shower you let your tears overtake you again. This is the last time. After this I won’t shed another tear. That was the mantra you repeated to yourself as you let the water hit you.

       Eventually, the tears stopped, and you were able to pull yourself together enough to turn the shower off and dry yourself. You scurried into your room and put on some clean clothes before grabbing your phone from your nightstand. What caught your attention was how many missed calls you there were at least 10 from Hank and 5 from Connor. You didn’t even want to process the information or bother listening to the voicemails instead calling up Fowler to let him know you wouldn’t be in. You could tell that he was a little disappointed, but he gave you the okay. Promising that there would be a mountain of reports to fill out on your desk tomorrow. You didn’t argue, simply glad to have the day to yourself, you’d deal with the consequences tomorrow. You laid back down on your bed for a while just trying to even your breathing in an attempt to distract yourself.

       It worked for a while but then you grew restless and decided to make some coffee. You hadn’t even passed the threshold of your bedroom when you phone began vibrating in your hand. You looked at your caller ID and noticed that it was Hank. You also knew that you couldn’t dodge him for ever so you answered, “Hey, Hank.”

       The first thing you heard on the other line was a sigh, “Hey? That’s all you’re going to say to me? Jesus, Y/N, I’ve been trying to reach you since last night. What the hell happened and more importantly where are you? Your two hours late for work.”

       Had it really been two hours already? “You’re lecturing me on being late to work? You’re always late to work and anyway I already told Fowler that I was taking a personal day.”

       “What happened? You ran off yesterday and I was worried sick trying to get a hold of you. Connor told me you just ran off and then got into your car.”

       Just the mention of his name made you heart squeeze, “I was just upset about Elijah and his stupid tactics. As it turns out, I shouldn’t have joined you guys yesterday. It brought up a lot of unpleasant memories and I needed to get out of there.”

       A deep scoff reverberated through your ear, “Bullshit, Y/N. You’re tough as nails. I saw the way you faced down Kamski that wasn’t what made you run. Something happened with you and Connor.”

       Shit. “Nothing happened between us, Hank. If anything, I was just a little upset about how he shot that Chloe. That’s all…”

       “Enough, Y/N. If that were the case, then I wouldn’t be facing the problem I am right now. I mean I was upset about his choice too, but my anger didn’t affect him like this.”

       That was an interesting turn of phrase, “What are you talking about, Hank? What’s wrong with Connor, exactly?”

       Hank groaned, “I don’t know. Or rather nothing. He’s been staring off into space all day right before he mentioned that you wouldn’t answer his calls. He’s just sitting here looking like a kicked puppy. He’s been that way pretty much since I walked in.”

       You sighed, “I really don’t know what to tell you Hank. Maybe he’s just filling out some reports to Cyberlife? He usually gets that way whenever he’s checking in.”

       Hank sounded exhausted, “No this is different, Y/N. I’ve been his partner for weeks and he’s never acted like this. You were the last person he saw before he fell into this weird funk; it’s almost like he’s upset but I know he’d probably deny that with his programming.”

       You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, “I don’t know Hank. Why don’t you try talking him and see what he says? I really need to go I’ve got the worst headache. We’ll talk soon, okay?” Without giving him a chance to respond you ended the call. Childish. That was so childish. Always running away from your problems.

       Walking over to your coffee machine you made yourself a cup and walked into your living room, turning on the TV as you went. This sight before you nearly caused you to drop your mug. No matter which channel you switched to you couldn’t escape the breaking news alerts. You watched as what look like hundreds of Androids marched down Market Street most of them were thrusting their fists into the air. You could barely hear it over the reporter but it sounded like they were chanting and in an instant the reporter was silenced and you heard it. In perfect unison you heard hundreds of voices swelling to form a single phrase. We are alive.

       Breathless, you watched as the androids continued to march into the middle of the square, chanting all the while. Then the cameras cut to dozens of armored cars flooding the streets and halting the impromptu march. Heavily armored S.W.A.T filed out and crouched behind riot shields with weapons poised to shoot. All you could hear through your television was a S.W.A.T leader telling the androids to disperse but you couldn’t hear their response. Suddenly, your stomach dropped as you heard a volley of gun shots go off and several of the androids dropped lifelessly to the floor. You wanted to scream but it would do little good. They weren’t hurting anyone they were just marching; they were peaceful. And then several minutes of gunshots and slaughtered androids later the march finally dispersed. You felt sick to your stomach as the news feed ended and you slumped down onto your sofa suddenly ashamed at the force that you belonged to. You couldn’t condone the slaughter of innocent lives from an institution that was sworn to protect.

       Your head dropped into your hands and you began shaking. How was this going to end? Clearly there was no regard for the lives of androids but some of them got away which you couldn’t tell if that inspired hope in you or terror. Either the androids would find a way to free themselves or the FBI, S.W.A.T, and whatever other force they could rally would destroy these androids. They could potentially plan to wipe the slate clean and it disgusted you.

-----------------------------

^^^Software Stability^^^

       Thirium was pooling beneath the machine at his feet, Connor heard your distressed cry and watched you run out of the room. He didn’t quite understand why he wanted to follow after you but he held his ground. He had a mission to complete and he had come this far. The man standing in front of him gave a nonchalant sigh, “Test negative. You chose your investigation over the life of another android. Perhaps, you don’t feel any empathy after all.”

       The gun was taken from Connor’s grip as he heard Hanks distinct footfalls treading out of the room, “I’m a man of my word. Ask me one question and I’ll tell you all I know.”

       Processing all possibilities Connor’s attention snapped toward Kamski, “I need to know how deviancy spreads.”

       Connor heard the slow forceful intake of breath, “Well, all androids share data sets whenever they meet each other and if that data were corrupted it could spread like an epidemic. It should remain dormant until an emotional shock occurs like fear, anger…” Kamski smiled with a menacing glint in his eyes, “Or perhaps any human emotion really, they don’t all necessarily have to be troubling. And then the android becomes deviant. It probably all started with one processing error or maybe it was all just a spontaneous mutation. Who can say? It’s an interesting question Connor, but I doubt it will prove useful to your investigation.”

       He wasn’t wrong Kamski’s information was cryptic and as he turned to leave his thoughts fell upon you yet again but a firm grip on his forearm pulled him back, “A war is coming and soon you’ll have to choose a side. You’ll either defend your people or stand against your creators. I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes, Connor. Especially, when it comes to your choice and how it affects Y/N.”

       He turned quickly trying to process what Kamski was saying, “What do you mean how it affects Y/N? How would that affect Y/N? I’ll always chose the side of humanity; her side.”

       Kamski chuckled, “You haven’t noticed Y/N’s sympathetic heart at all or that display just a moment ago? She didn’t appreciate your choice when it came to taking another android’s life. Imagine how it’ll feel when your responsible for the death or subjugation of your own people.”

       Connor squared his shoulders, “She will see that what I’ve done is right. Once I’ve fulfilled my mission humanity will be better off.”

       “Are you certain? I’ve observed you two for no more than a few minutes together and there is certainly something there that perhaps you aren’t willing to admit. Then again, with your little display just now I think that you’ve proved you’re just a machine and not what she had hoped you could become.”

       Connor paused for a moment, “What am I not willing to admit?”

       “That you feel something, Connor. And so, does she. You feel something for Y/N that goes beyond your programming and you don’t know it yet. It probably terrifies you. Although, I can’t say that I blame you. Y/N is an extraordinary woman; brilliant, kind, and attractive. If there was ever a human to fall in love with then you chose well.”

       Connor slowly started to piece the information together, “Fall in love? That’s not possible. I’m not-“

       Another chuckle escaped Kamski, “You’re not what? Human? That’s obvious, Connor, but it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. You’ve spent enough time hunting deviants… you were programmed to do so. Surely, you’ve noticed that androids emulating human emotions is not impossible. So, it stands to reason that perhaps you have more in common with your prey than you think.”

       “No that isn’t possible. I’m an android, a machine, we aren’t capable of emotion. You said yourself that deviancy is just corrupted data, a virus, that lays dormant until the right moment. I check myself regularly for deviancy errors… it’s not possible.”

       “Trust me, Connor, anything is possible. However, if you’re certain that it isn’t, as you say, possible. Perhaps you should let Y/N know? It wouldn’t be fair to keep stringing her along thinking that there’s some hope for you two.”

       It was like someone had flipped a switch in his mind as Connor began to piece together your actions and behavior since he had met you all those weeks ago. He could feel his thirium pump pounding at the thought of you but that filled him with an uncertainty at the same time. He couldn’t let himself be corrupted if there was any possibility that what Kamski had said was true. He needed to find you and set things right before it was too late. He turned quickly on his heel and marched out the door, but stopped short at yet another invasive comment, “By the way, I always leave an emergency exit in my programs. You never know…”

       Connor’s head snapped up as he heard Hank slamming his phone back down. The motion brought him back to his current location; he was back in the present at the DPD. Lieutenant Anderson was rubbing his temples and Connor couldn’t stop his sudden inquiry, “Was that Y/N? That you were just speaking with?”

       Anderson only scoffed and side-eyed Connor, “Why do you care?”

       “I just want to make sure that Detective L/N is alright. She was upset last night and she won’t answer my phone calls so I cannot ask her myself. Is she alright?”

       “Careful Connor, you almost sound like you care.”

       That was a puzzling response, Connor turned his head to the side unwilling to let the matter go, “Of course I care. Y/N and I have been working together for weeks now. Her well-being is very important to me… As is yours Lieutenant.”

       Hank scoffed and swiveled his chair to face Connor, “You know I can’t figure you out. First it seems like you do genuinely care about people and then you go and pull shit like you did last night. I just can’t wrap my head around it. And I don’t think Y/N can either.”

       “I’m afraid I don’t understand, Lieutenant, last night I was just doing my job. I did what I had to in order to move the investigation forward. Kamski wasn’t going to give us any information unless I gave into his demands.”

       “I know but when it becomes a choice between right and wrong sometimes the investigation doesn’t have to take priority. And last night, with Kamski’s stupid test that was wrong. I should have listened to Y/N… she was right the whole fucking meeting was a mistake.”

       Connor stared back at Hank, unwavering, “Lieutenant, I was programmed to complete this mission it was the entire reason that my protype was designed. Perhaps all of these choices in letting those past deviants go have been the cause of the instabilities in my software.”

       Anderson’s head popped up, making direct eye contact, “Instabilities in your software instabilities? What the hell are you going on about?”

       Connor turned the phrasing over in his mind for a moment, “Those moments when I decided to let those deviants go instead of bringing them back to Cyberlife created a conflicting order in my direct programing. It set me further and further off my path. Sometimes it wasn’t always the cases that started causing these instabilities.”

       “What do you mean? What else started causing these ‘instabilities’ of yours?”

       Connor was at a loss for words for once, he just stared back at Hank for a moment, “I’m not certain how to explain it. As I spent more time around the DPD alongside you and Y/N other objectives became more important. I knew I should have followed what my programming dictated but it felt wrong. Soon the well-being of you and Y/N became a priority.”

       Something flashed in Hank’s eyes and the barest of smiles pulled at his lips, “Connor, back at Stratford Tower when that deviant almost got away… what was going through your mind?”

       “I simply calculated that there wasn’t a way to achieve an optimal outcome. So, I chose to neutralize the deviant instead.”

       There was a slightly wider grin now present, “Okay, but focus on Y/N. Why did you throw yourself on top of her? I had to practically pry you away from her even though you were severely injured.”

       Connor blinked a few times staring almost blankly ahead, “I calculated that Y/N was in the line of fire and her chance of survival was in danger so I acted and moved to shield her from any possible danger.”

       “Interesting. But tell me how do you feel when Y/N is around?”

       “Lieutenant, I’m an android I’m not capable of emotions-“

       Anderson held up a hand motioning Connor to stop, “Okay cut it out with that shit for a second and answer the question. When you’re around Y/N what happens to your- to your circuitry or whatever it is you’ve got. Does anything seem different when you’re around Y/N compared to when your around everyone else.”

       Connor opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it trying to process what his partner was saying, “I’m unsure. I find being around Y/N is pleasant. She is kind to me and treats me like a person rather than a machine. It’s not what I’m accustomed to. She’s funny which is also something I’m not use to; I’ve never experienced humor before. Y/N is also very patient and considerate. And sometimes when she’s around it feels like- it’s almost as if my chest gets tighter and the thirium pump in my chest works a little a faster.” Connor furrowed his brows, “I don’t know why but I worry for Y/N’s safety more often and I don’t enjoy when she puts herself in danger; although I know it’s her job to do so just as it is mine.”

       Hank was practically beaming as he chuckled, “Well I’ll be damned kid. It sounds to me like you’re in love. It all makes sense now… the way you’re always hovering near her and making googly eyes at her when she isn’t looking.”

       Connor shook his head violently, “No. That isn’t possible I’ve already spoken to Kamski and Y/N about this… it isn’t possible. I already told Y/N that I wasn’t capable of feeling and reciprocating love.”

       “Wait a minute, you talked to Kamski and Y/N about this? Shit, that’s probably why she didn’t come in today. Listen kid, I know you’re going to want to deny it and swear that you’re incapable of it but from what you’ve just told me… you’re in love. It’s not something to worry about. Love is rare and when it happens it’s one of the greatest things in the world. That is probably the cheesiest shit I’ve ever spouted off but it’s true. From what I’ve seen you two are happy around each other and that isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t have to mean that you’ve failed your mission or that your compromised.”

˅˅˅Software Instability˅˅˅

       Could that really be true? What if what he told you wasn’t the truth? What if he was becoming a deviant? “I don’t understand. How do I know for certain I’m in love?”

       Hank smiled, “It’s like I said you enjoy being around her or it’s more like you gravitate towards her. You put her safety above your own. And that quickening of your pump- or whatever- that’s what happens to humans when you’re around someone you love. Tell me this how do you feel when you’re not around Y/N like today? What’s been going on in your head now that she’s not here?”

       “I- I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right… it feels like something inside of me is missing and I just want to know that she’s alright. I can’t seem focus when she isn’t around and especially when I know that I’m the reason she’s so distressed. I enjoy being around her, seeing her smile, and even hearing her laugh.” The realization hit Connor hard and he felt the familiar tightness in his chest, “That’s love? I love her… I’m in love with, Y/N.”

       Hank sat back in his chair with a satisfied smirk, “Yeah, you are. And it sounds like you have some apologizing to do, kid. You’ve gotta tell her how you really feel about her. And don’t even get me started on the deviant thing. We don’t know if you’re a deviant or not so stop throwing that excuse around.”

       “How am I going to tell her? She won’t answer when I call her… not after everything that happened last night.”

       Hank reached over and patted Connor’s knee, “Don’t worry, kid, she’ll come around and you’ll get your chance to make things right with her.”

--------------

              It was suspiciously quiet around the office when you arrived at work the next morning which was odd considering what had happened yesterday with the Android march. You figured that the department would be absolutely buzzing with activity. The quietness was almost unnerving and the sight that awaited you didn’t help ease any of the tension that you were feeling. Amongst the sea of empty desks, you saw Hank and Connor talking rather quietly amongst themselves. You approached carefully, “Hank, what is going on? Where is everyone?”

              You saw Connor fly out of his chair awkwardly straightening his tie, “Y/N! You’re back! Are you alright I was worried when you didn’t show up yesterday.”

              Biting your lip a bit you didn’t even look over at Connor, instead focusing on Hank, “I’m fine Connor. What’s going on here?”

              Hank sighed heavily, “We got pulled off the deviant cases. Apparently, the FBI is taking over the investigation and they want to send Connor back to Cyberlife.”

              You whipped your head around toward Connor who gave you an almost sad smirk, “That’s impossible! You guys were on to something they can’t just pull back like that. There has to be some way to fight this.”

              Connor’s somewhat meek voice spoke up, “It isn’t up to us. With the android protests people are afraid that their androids will all turn on them. As for me, I’m Cyberlife’s property no doubt they’re going to deconstruct me to try and find out why I failed.”

              Your heart nearly stopped, as much as you were upset with him you still cared for Connor, “No, we’re not going to let that happen. You’re not being deconstructed like some science project. What are our options?”

              Hank cleared his throat, “Not much with the FBI taking over they’ll be taking all of the evidence and deviant cases from our archives.” Hank stopped for a minute, “Here comes Perkins. That prick.”

              Suddenly Connor piped up, “Wait, the evidence room. There’s gotta be a way for me to discern Jericho’s location. I’m so close to figuring this out and I just can’t let that go. I just need five minutes and I swear I can find what I need before Perkins takes the evidence out.”

              You looked over at Hank and he sighed, “The basement key is on my desk. Y/N, make sure he gets there quick because I can only distract them for so long.”

              As you watched Hank walk off towards Perkins you shoved the key into Connor’s and began walking, “Come on, we don’t have a lot of time.” Your steps were light and quick as you glided down the hall, “Connor, there are two security cameras up ahead disable them, so we’re not seen.”

              You received a short nod, “I’ve got them don’t worry.”

              In record time you reached the evidence room but a voice stopped you, one that made you roll your eyes, “Well if it isn’t the plastic prick and his little girlfriend. What are you doing over here? Didn’t you get the message? You’re off the case.”

                You quickly shot Connor a look before pushing him toward the door, “Do what you have to. I’ll take care of him.” You watched the skepticism in his eyes before he silently complied, “What do you want now, Reed?”

              Gavin sneered, “Hey where the hell is he going?”

              “He’s logging some evidence that he had from a previous case and then he’s going back to Cyberlife. So, don’t concern yourself with him. Just get back to whatever it is that you actually do here.”

              “Bullshit. I don’t trust the lump of plastic for a second. If he’s just logging evidence then he won’t mind an audience, will he?” You pushed yourself in front of the door blocking Gavin from entering, “Y/N, get the fuck out of my way.”

              There was no way in hell you were letting that jackass in, “Not a chance, Reed. I told you to move along.”

              You could see the unhinged anger in his eyes, as Gavin reached for his gun and pointed it at you, “This is your last warning, L/N. Get out of my way before I put you out of commission.” You didn’t let him get any further as you drove your knee as hard as you could into his groin. As you had expected he doubled over and you grabbed his wrist before driving your elbow down on his forearm. He immediately dropped the gun and you kicked it down the hall, “You’re going to regret that.”

              You laughed, “Oh, am I?”

He took a wild swing at you, but you were able to dodge it and duck under his arm before pivoting and landing a kick to his back; causing him to fall forward into a wall. He picked himself up and rushed you, but you were quicker; effortlessly moving out of the way. You gave two forceful uppercuts to his gut, hoping to slow him down but he kept coming. Taking a defensive stance you both circled each other. Eager to get this over with you threw a punch to his face but that opened you up to the punch to your cheek that had you groaning. He lunged and you barely dodged out of the way before kicking out at his shin and as you had hoped he stumbled forward letting you take another swing aimed at his nose. You heard the sickening crack, but you used his distraction to your advantage. Spinning around, you put all your momentum into a kick right in the center of his face. Reed hit the floor hard while you groaned at the throbbing pain in your jaw.

With significant effort you opened the evidence room door and dragged Gavin in along with you propping him up against the stairwell railing. Then began taking the steps two at a time, “Connor?” You heard his somewhat muffled voice call out to you and you ran down the remaining stairs, “Connor we have to go, now! Did you get what you needed?”

              He turned to you, “Yes! Y/N, this is it I’ve found it. I found Jericho.” His excitement was cut short when he saw your face, he ran over and gently grasped your face with both hands, “Y/N, what happened? You’re bleeding.”

              Your heart began beating painfully when he touched you with such tenderness, but you had to stop it by pulling his hands away and stepping back, “I’m fine. Reed and I got into a bit of an argument and he pulled his gun on me, so I defended myself.”

              You didn’t fail to notice that his LED began flashing red. A look of almost rage filled his eyes and his voice dropped to a growl, “Where is he?”

              You nodded toward the stairs, “Unconscious against the stair railing. Trust me I’m fine but we have to get you out of here and out of those clothes.” The confused puppy dog look that he now sported almost made you laugh, “What I mean is you can’t go out in public looking like that. If you’re going to find Jericho, then you’re going to have to blend in.”

----------

              Connor was pacing almost nervously throughout your apartment when you came in through your door toting a few shopping bags, he looked at you and gave you a sheepish smile before quickly looking away. What was going on with him? You put the bags down on your coffee table and turned to him, “Okay, I wasn’t exactly sure what to get you considering I’ve only ever seen you in a suit. So, I got a couple things and thought you could pick whichever you liked best.” The Android simply nodded and gave his quiet thanks, it was clear that something was wrong and you were growing tired of his trite answers, “Connor, what’s going on? You’ve been quiet ever since we left the Department. You know you can tell me anything.”

              He looked up at you hesitantly and his LED slowly turned yellow, “Yes, there is something that I wished to discuss with you.” You nodded your head and waited patiently for him to continue, “I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other night when we visited Kamski.”

              It suddenly felt like your blood had turned to ice, you had already gone through this once and you weren’t looking forward to reliving it, “No, Connor, you don’t have to explain anything. We already talked about this. I know what I said was harsh and I’m sorry… but you don’t need to explain it again. I understand where we stand. So, you don’t need to worry-”

              Connor stepped forward and grasped your hand, “No, Y/N, that’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to apologize to you…”

              “Like I said, Connor, you don’t need to be sorry. I promise I won’t let my feelings get in the way. I’m here for you as a friend and I will help you with your mission. I just need time and I promise I will get past what I’m feeling. Okay?”

              Surprisingly Connor grabbed you and pulled you into a tight embrace. What the hell? He nestled his head into the side of your neck and you felt his breath tickling you, “I’m so sorry, Y/N, but please don’t push me away. I don’t want you to get over your feelings for me.” You had to suppress a shiver as he continued to speak, his voice was barely audible, “I was wrong. I- I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

              Your heart was practically soaring inside your chest but a part of you felt like this could be some sort of cruel joke or dream. You pushed him back far enough that you could get a clear view of his face, “What did you just say?”

              It seemed impossible but his eyes held that tenderness that you swore you had seen before, “I love you, Y/N. Lieutenant Anderson helped me realize it yesterday… when you’re not around I feel almost empty like a part of me has been taken away. I hurt you and I never meant to. I can’t feel physical pain but when I thought about how much pain I had caused you; that was the closest I’ve come to actual pain.” You stared at Connor with your mouth hanging open, having trouble processing if what you were hearing was reality, “I know that I hurt you but can you forgive me, Y/N?”

              You blinked at him still not believing what you were hearing, you awkwardly babbled, “Connor, I’m not sure what to say…” You watched him tilt his head the slightest hint of a frown on his lips, this was everything that you had secretly wanted to hear him say but you were suddenly lost. Still you slid your hand down toward Connor’s chest and felt the elevated pounding against your palm, you nearly melted when you looked back into his eyes, “Of course I forgive you.”

              There was a certain joy in the smirk he gave you, he pulled you closer again until you were nearly flush against him, “Does that mean that I still have a chance?”

              You couldn’t help but laugh at Connor’s choice of words, it was so unlike him, “Do you still have a chance? Where did you learn that?”

              “Lieutenant Anderson mentioned the phrase a few times when he was teaching and helping me understand what I felt for you. It was a very interesting conversation.”

              You giggled softly, taking on a taunting tone, “I’m sure it was. What else did he teach you?” Before you could say anything more, Connor bent forward and pressed his lips to yours. You were shocked at first but you quickly melted into it, running your hands up and tangling one in his hair, the other was lazily draped on his shoulder. This kiss was all slow and tentative caresses, a dance of two hearts finally synchronizing after a long struggle. After a minute you pulled away to catch your breath and smiled as Connor gently nuzzled your nose, “Wow! I’m hoping Hank wasn’t the one that taught you that.”

              Connor laughed tenderly, “No, I did my own research in case you responded positively to my confession. There is surprisingly quite a lot to learn in regards to romance.”

              Your grin wouldn’t budge as you continued to tease him, “Well maybe you can show me more of what your research taught you, later. Right now, you have a very important case in front of you.” Pulling away you gently pushed the bags from earlier into Connor’s hands, “There’s a spare bathroom down the hall. I’ll be here when you get back.” He leaned down with your favorite smirk plastered on his lips, giving you another quick kiss before disappearing in the direction you pointed out.

              You walked into your own bedroom and slipped off your jacket that was hiding your shirt, slightly stained by blood from earlier. You dug through your closet before pulling out a warm black sweater and matching black jeans. After slipping your clothes on you grabbed your black peacoat and walked back out into your living room; lacing up a pair of well-worn boots as you waited for Connor. He appeared shortly after and the sight nearly took your breath away. You must have been blushing because Connor gave you a cheeky smirk, “Is this acceptable?”

              You coughed a little forcefully, “Yeah it’s great- I mean… it works. You look good and you’ll blend right in.”

              Connor’s gaze slipped down your figure as a frown took hold, “Y/N, why are you dressed like that?”

              “Because I’m coming with you, Connor. If you’re serious about finding Jericho then I’m coming with you.”

              His frown only seemed to deepen, “No, Y/N, I can’t allow that. This is highly dangerous and the chances of something going wrong or you getting injured are too high. I won’t let you do this. You’re too important to me.”

              You stood up and walked toward him, “Connor it’s because this mission of yours is too dangerous that I can’t let you do this alone. You’re too important to me, as well. Besides, this is your case and since your partner has been temporarily suspended; it looks like you’re stuck with me.”

              He scanned your face for a minute in total silence, “There isn’t a way that I can convince you otherwise is there?”

              You reached for his hand and laced your fingers together, “Nope. Not this time.”

------------------

              The journey to find Jericho was certainly an experience but you had to admit that it was incredibly well hidden. Though the route proved to be a little treacherous causing Connor to worry over you every few minutes. To which you had to remind him that you had passed the FBI’s physical fitness exam several times with flying colors and that a few risky jumps wouldn’t be a problem. You marveled at the fact that Jericho turned out to be a rather rusty decommissioned ship; it was massive but it had definitely seen better days. The two of you made it to the very top of the ship and Connor pulled out a gun before approaching the door.

              He turned toward you with a hesitant look, “I can sense the leader just inside. I’m meant to take him alive for questioning but if things go wrong I may not have a choice.”

              It almost seemed like he was seeking your approval on the plan, but you simply gripped his free hand, “Connor, I know that you’re going to make the right choice, whatever that might mean. Just come back to me in on piece, alright? I’ll be waiting in case you need back up.” He simply squeezed your hand before slipping in quietly through the door.

              You waited anxiously for a few minutes, hearing no sounds of a struggle which you took as a sign that things were going well. It wasn’t until you saw the faint glow of approaching lights that your heartrate began picking up. Without a second thought you burst through the door and noticed Connor and the android you now knew as Markus facing each other. The leader’s eyes snapped to you, “Who are you?”

              Panicked you cut him off, “That’s not important, right now. There’s a massive force headed this way if I had to guess it’s the FBI… you need to get your people out of here now.”

              Connor was at your side in an instant, “They’re going to attack Jericho. She’s right we have to get out of here, all of us.” Connor grabbed your hand and began pulling you through the ship. Just as you passed through the open door a massive helicopter zipped by turning on a dime back toward the main deck. Your heart was pounding as you ran through countless corridors hearing the occasional explosion and more frequent gunshots. As you followed along behind Connor and Markus they pulled to a halt in front of a female android.

              She skidded in front of Markus, “They’re coming in from all sides our people are trapped in the hull. They’re going to be slaughtered.”

              He tapped a finger to his temple and was silent for a moment before looking back up, “We have to blow up the ship. It’s the only way… they’ll be forced to evacuate and it’ll give our people time to escape.”

              “The explosives are all the way in the bottom of the ship. You’ll never make it out in time.”

              This time Connor spoke up and the genuine concern in his voice surprised you, “She’s right! They know who you are now. They’d do anything to get a hold of you.”

              “Just go and help the others. I’ll join up with you later.”

              You watched in awe as the android took off without a thought for his own safety. Consciously willing to put their lives and survival above his own. Another explosion went off in the distance and suddenly Connor was pulling you along through the maze of hallways once more. You gripped the gun that was holstered at your side and shot at the occasional soldier that threatened fleeing androids; never injuring anything serious only deterring them so that more of Markus’ people could make it to safety.  You were so focused on helping the androids escape and following Connor that you didn’t notice the small device land near your feet. All you felt was the force of the explosion throwing you backwards and your head collided with something behind you. The searing white hot pain was gone in an instant as your vision faded to black.

---------

              The next thing you knew you were laying down on a stone floor and you felt a cooling sensation cradling your throbbing head; while a hand was holding one of your own. You tilted your head back and caught a glimpse of Connor who immediately noticed, “Y/N, you’re awake!”

              Your voice was a little raspy, “Connor, what happened?”

              Worry creased his otherwise perfect features, “A flash grenade went off near you and you hit your head. I had to carry you from Jericho.”

              You carefully pulled yourself up from Connor’s lap with his  help and noticed briefly that the synthetic skin was gone from his left hand. He must have been using its chill to soothe your aching head, “Where are we, now?”

              “We’re in a church with the remaining survivors of Jericho.” Suddenly Connor’s voice began to wobble, “You were unconscious for a while. I was almost believed that you weren’t going to wake up. I was scared.”

              You stretched your hand out and he leaned into your touch, “You were scared? Connor, are you a-“

              “A deviant? Yes, I couldn’t turn Markus in it didn’t feel right so I broke through my programming. But I’ve never felt scared before until I saw you just lying there. I thought you were gone.”

              You gingerly pulled him in for a kiss that he eagerly returned, “You didn’t lose me, Connor. I’m not going anywhere… not without you.”

*Here you go enjoy a screenshot. I tend to take quite a few when playing games for future uses in my stories. I have a bunch more for DBH for different scenes and characters. 😊