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epicbuddieficrecs · 9 months ago

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Weekly Recap | February 12th-18th 2024

No thoughts, head empty except for that new S7 trailer.

Complete

all things go, all things go. by dylaesthetics (Post-S5E10 Wrapped in Red | 11K | Teen): “He doesn’t hate you for transferring,” says Hen, as though reading his mind. “But the guy thinks everything’s his fault. He probably blames himself for it.” “Why would he? It was solely my choice,” says Eddie. It doesn’t make any sense. “I’m the one who got shot and had to live with the consequences.” Hen considers him, her eyes a bit sharp. “And he’s the one who watched that happen to you, and couldn’t do anything to prevent it from happening. It might be your trauma, Eddie, but it is also his.”

🔥 the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies (Didn't Know They Were Dating, Post-S3 | 27K | General): or, everyone knows eddie is dating buck except for eddie, literally.

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 49/54 | 91K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

48. We Objectify One (1) Man Here, Sir (Honeymoon, Explicit) 49. It's Called Stress Release (PWP, Explicit)

🔥 A Minor Delay by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Post-S6/S7 Spec | 43K | Mature): Almost a year after the bridge collapse, a lot has changed. The team are scattered—Bobby and Athena on their Honeymoon, Hen on adoptive parent's leave, and Buck and Eddie... They may still work together, still have movie nights with Chris whenever they can, but things have changed. With Maddie and Chimney's wedding around the corner, Buck tries to make it perfect. And maybe, along the way, he might figure out why everything still feels... wrong.

come back by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Christopher POV, Tsunami | 1,6K | Teen): “Okay, Christopher,” Gabriella says. “Let’s try and find your dad, huh? Or your mom?” “My dad is a firefighter,” Christopher says. “He’s helping people. And my mom—” he blinks. “My mom isn’t here. We have to find Buck.” “I haven’t seen him,” Gabriella says, her voice a little sad. “There was nobody else with you when we saw you. But we can look for him together, okay?”

🔥 hey baby (i think i wanna marry you) by asteriasera / @asteriasera (Post-S6, Established Buddie, Proposal | 13K | Teen): Two months into officially dating Eddie, Buck begins to plan the perfect, extravagant proposal that his boyfriend deserves. As usual, nothing goes according to plan

🔥 finally found what i’ve been looking for by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (S7 Spec | 5K | Explicit): or, buck's good at basketball, eddie's trying really hard not to commit an act of public indecency about it, and maybe, just maybe, a slightly bloody beachside pick-up game can be the start of something new

paradise under a pine tree by Maira / @carrierofthepaperclips (Valentine's Day | 4K | Mature): ... or, the one where Eddie brings Buck a gift and ends up with a fiancé.

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand by devirnis/ @devirnis (S7 Spec | 1K | General): Eddie comes to with a burning in his chest and Buck’s name on his lips.

might as well be drunk in love by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Madney Wedding, Bed Sharing | 2K | Teen): or, getting little-spooned by his drunk best friend was not on buck's maid-of-honour checklist, but. it's happening

WIP

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 3/18 | 20K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by callmenewbie/ @puppyboybuckley (Post-S6, Disaster Fic | 5/9 | 33K | Explicit): During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 115/? | 339K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 26/? | 17K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

27. 51. Spinning your lover into a kiss on the dancefloor

#buddie #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buddie fanfiction #buddie fic rec #epic buddie fic rec #911 fanfic #911 fanfiction #911 fic

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juniperss · 4 months ago

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I loved your baking stories 🥺 could I request a platonic sister reader where she's the youngest curtis and she gets nightmares like pony? Just some big brother comfort?? Soda is my favorite btw lol

*sits down and scooches my chair in so I can speak into my imaginary microphone* So....I had some ideas about this and then I mentioned this request to my bestie @a-libra-writes (who you guys might remember from my diner au) and we got to talkin'....for over 2 hours about little sister Curtis.....I have so many thoughts that I'll be posting a part II to this later that's purely just random headcanons about her! I hope you enjoy LOL and thank you for the wonderful request and the ideas!!

edit: here's part II to "little sister curtis"!!!

Curtis Brothers Comforting Their Sister:

(she/her pronouns used. TW/CW: talk of parental death, nightmares, themes of trauma and grief)

Being the youngest sibling would mean that she's at least 13 when the start of the book takes place and so that’s the age I’m gonna use!

Ponyboy says that his nightmares are ones that he woke up screaming from almost every night for a while after his parent’s car accident, and even though he couldn’t remember what happened in those dreams they were the scariest thing he’s experienced. Now that’s fucking terrifying and one of the worst feelings because at least when you remember nightmares there’s the chance of logically working through them or talking them through. But not remembering what happened in them that caused such an intense reaction is maddening.

Your nightmares started around the same time as Ponyboy’s ended. Your brothers aren’t sure why yours started after Ponyboy’s stopped, maybe it had something to do with you no longer feeling like you needed to look after your older brother when he was having nightmares?

Regardless of why or when they started, they’re bad. You remember bits of your nightmares. Just fragments, pieces that you struggle to hold onto while you try to put together the bigger picture. You wake up crying and shaking, hardly able to get your breathing right and stumble towards Pony’s room next door

By this time Soda is now sleeping in Ponyboy’s room, having practically moved in during the previous rounds of nightmares, so you crawl up from the end of the bed in between the two of them. Pony is the one who wakes up first and he kicks Soda until he also notices that you’re there.

You can’t tell them what happened, you’re still crying and scared, so Soda wraps you up in a hug and tells Ponyboy to grab Darry. Soda’s good at making anyone feel better even if he talks too much sometimes , but right now you don’t mind it. He’s just talking about everything; about work, about the girls who came in trying to flirt and asking you what you think about that.

You don’t think you’ve seen Darry walk so fast as he comes down the hallway, Ponyboy trailing behind him, and eventually you’ve been passed around like a hot potato until you’re sat in between Soda and Darry, with Ponyboy sitting in front of you all on the small bed.

Soda is still yapping away and soon Ponyboy has joined in. They’re trying to get your mind off the bad dream. But Darry’s got an arm around you trying to soothe away your shivering by rubbing your arm and Soda is tugging on your hair gently like he’s done since you were a toddler. Even if you’re closer to Ponyboy in age and usually go to Soda for comfort when you’ve hurt yourself or had a bad day, Darry is the one you’ve always gone to when you’re scared.

Darry isn’t sure he wants to ask about your nightmares, is it the right thing to do? To see if you remember them and make you think about it again? He’s trying to recall if that’s what his mom did for him when he had bad dreams and if that’s what she would do for you. Eventually he settles for, “Wanna talk about it?” and waits for you to shake or nod your head. He won’t push it either way.

Soda tells you stories about when you were little, about how Mom and Dad loved you. Because even if you can’t remember everything about the nightmares, he knows that it was about them being gone. Soda’s always been good at knowing what’s wrong when it comes to you. So he makes sure that you know you aren’t alone and that even if Mom and Dad are gone, they haven’t really left.

Ponyboy grabs one of the books off his shelf and starts reading out loud to you. You’re not sure what the story is about, only half listening because you’re still shaken, but between Sodapop making comments about the characters or plot, Darry shushing him, and Pony’s steady narration, you do feel a bit better.

The four of you stay on the bed like that until you fall asleep. Soda is the first to pass out, his head on top of yours. Ponyboy follows after and is spread out across the end of the bed. Darry stays awake til he feels your breathing even out and your full body weight is holding Soda upright, your head on his shoulder.

#the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #darry curtis #darrel curtis #sodapop curtis #ponyboy curtis #my writings

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wooahaeruby · 3 months ago

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Chapter 17: When the Sun Shines

Chapter Word Count: 4,158

None

Hi sorry, I've been busy with work! I apologize for note posting!

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Things were good, maybe a little too good, but good nonetheless.

Since the night of the gala, the bruise on your arm had flourished and it was annoying to cover with longer sleeved blouses in the blistering summer heat, but you were able to manage. Seokmin or Jeonghan took turns driving you home from work each evening as usual. Jeonghan was more of the mentality of little dinner dates while Seokmin knew how much you enjoyed just getting home and relaxing. It was nice, having your best friend and crush always with you. They held together stressful days and tired nights. Jeonghan and you still weren’t exactly exclusive, which was fine, you kinda liked the slow, steady pace you were going at. He had even opened up some about his past which surprised you.

“All I’m saying, Jeonghan, if you have a dark, evil, villain backstory, I won’t judge.” You had joked, enjoying the sweet treat of ice cream that you suggested and happily paid for. “I’ve told you a bit of mine.”

“Your life was fucked up due to trauma and a failed support system, mine is fucked up because I was poor as hell.” He pointed at you with his spoon, rolling his eyes. “My story, which in turn is kinda Shua’s and Cheol’s story, is a lot more simple than what it seems. The three of us lived just outside the city, a low income area and all. My sister was adopted by a nice couple when she was young after our parents died but I was taken in by Kihyun’s mom and dad, his brother is….kinda…so the yakuza? Yeah, that’s real. Anyway, Cheol and I went to school together, he was also living on a tight paycheck to paycheck with his parents.. Joshua was last to move into the area with his mom.”

You nodded along, sitting close to his side as he continued to explain between spoonfuls of ice cream.

“Kihyun’s parents worked over sixty hours each and Joshua’s parents were almost never home between work so the four of us were thick as thieves. Cheol, Shua, and I were in our last years of highschool at the time when Kihyun’s mom got sick and his family and I couldn’t afford the medical care to cover all the bills. She passed away and his dad ended up drinking so any money was sparse. We kinda…” He sighed as he thought back, leaning against your side and resting his head against your head. “All three of us, Cheol, Kihyun and I, ended up being runners for this little group of druggies. Then when Shua’s dad lost his job, he ended up joining us to help his family out. We got paid well but Kihyun’s dad continued to drink until it killed him. Then suddenly we didn’t have a home, no family, we moved into the city. Cheol, Kihyun, Shua and I were crammed into a shitty one bedroom apartment for a while.

Shownu, or Shepard, made MX while slowly taking our old bosses' clients, Cheol was starting plans to make SVT. Kihyun he…How do I explain this…He started to influence Shownu into some really fucked up and crazy shit, killing people, stealing, all that. Cheol had this big, blow out fight with Kihyun and Shownu that ended with him in the hospital from them beating him badly…We stepped out rather quickly and were kind of on our own, Shua’s basement became the closest thing to a home since we had to leave the apartment. We were just three friends that were trying to find a place in the world.”

With your dessert finished, you wrapped your arm around his waist, holding him close protectively. You couldn’t imagine how this could have been weighing on him for so many years, let alone not telling much to the group.

“Somewhere along the lines we found the rest of SVT. It all gets blurred together over time. We stuck together through thick and thin though. Then Cheol was contacted by a lawyer regarding his estranged grandfather’s estate since he was the only family left and got a lot – and I mean a lot – of money. He invested it into the shipping company that took off as a big manufacturer and we started building our clientele for the ‘mafia’. The others were just little ducks that followed us and it just…happened. We only harm to protect what’s ours and yeah it’s all illegal and demanding but it’s…”

Jeonghan lifted his head from yours and glanced at you. You faced him easily, seeing the serious glint in his eyes.

“I’m fucked up for saying this but all of it; SVT, the stealing, the smuggling, all the expensive and stolen stuff we have…I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s fun. It’s exhilarating. It makes me feel alive.”

Thinking back, you understood everything he said to a point. Their lives were already hell from the start, they drew every short end of the stick. They had to do what was needed to survive. Did you condone everything they did? No, you probably never would, but with the adversity you had seen and faced, you could see how the thirteen of them got into this life and stayed in it. You didn’t know about the rest of them but if it was anything like the oldest three, your heart hurt a little.

“I need advice!” Jeonghan pushed the door open to Seungcheol’s office at the penthouse.

Seungcheol slowly raised his head from the file in his hand. Seungkwan and Jihoon stood before Cheol’s desk while Mingyu was sitting on the couch, his first day back on the job thanks to the boring month and half rest he got.

“We are in the middle of a meeting, Jeonghan.” He sounded annoyed, dropping the papers on the desk.

“And I’m having a crisis!” Dramatically, Jeonghan dropped himself on the couch beside Mingyu who snorted and patted the older man’s head. “And Shua will be here in five minutes to listen with you.”

Seungcheol ignored him and looked back to the younger three in the room. “Since Mingyu is still on light duty, he can handle the paperwork of the clubs. Seungkwan, I want you on promotions for them and handling the outgoing shipments for Pledis . Jihoon, we have a cargo coming in soon with supplies for Pledis as well, make sure everything is accounted for.”

Each of them nodded at their tasks and none of them moved yet. Seungcheol skimmed the file down on his desk, resting his chin on his palm.

“Scheduled shipments out to our clients start next week. No new cargo is coming in until two weeks from now. That’s all for the time being, dismissed.”

With another nod, Mingyu, Jihoon, and Seungkwan left the room, the door shutting firmly behind them. Jeonghan sighed loudly – dramatically – and Seungcheol balled up a blank sheet of paper, tossing it at the younger man and it hit him on the head.

“What advice do you need, idiot?”

“I wanna wait for Shua.” Jeonghan pouted and Seungcheol was tempted to throw more than just a piece of paper at him once more.

“First you barge into my office when I’m holding a meeting. Now you are wanting to wait for Joshua for some mid-life crisis? Why am I friends with you?”

Jeonghan lifted his head, looking at Seungcheol then rolled his eyes. “Because no one else can tolerate your bullshit.”

“I’m going to punch you.”

“I need to stop letting Mouse hang around you. She is starting to sound like you.”

“Maybe I'm a better influence than you are.”

Jeonghan was ready to spring up in his own defense but Joshua’s entrance cut him off. “Why was I texted, ‘ 911, I’m dying’ ?”

“Because I am!” Jeonghan shot up to his feet, stomping his feet childishly. “How do I ask Mouse to be my girlfriend properly?!”

Joshua and Seungcheol shared a look, both unamused and apathetic. They had an unspoken conversation that Jeonghan couldn’t discern which only made him stomp his feet again.

“Words! Use words!”

“Do you wanna smack him or am I?” Joshua asked, disregarding the whining that came from Jeonghan.

“Last time I think I did so he’s all yours.” Seungcheol waved a hand, motioning for Joshua to do the job.

The youngest of three moved quickly and jabbed Jeonghan playfully in the side and got him into a loose headlock that Jeonghan didn’t even bother to fight. Jeonghan continued to whine and went limp, dead weight against Joshua’s body. Much to his dismay, Joshua gave Jeonghan a noogie and the older elbowed him in the stomach to be released, holding his head.

“Assholes!”

Seungcheol laughed, loud and carefree, throwing his head back. Joshua stepped back, hands up in defeat, nose and eyes scrunched up in a wide smile laugh.

“I’m being serious here! I need help! Stop laughing!” With a groan of aggravation, Jeonghan punched Joshua in the arm (he didn’t even flinch) and tossed the ball of paper at Seungcheol. “You guys suck!”

“Just-” Cheol tried to catch his breath, shoulders shaking still. “Just ask her out, moron-”

“It is literally one of the easiest things you can do.” Joshua chimed in, sitting back on the couch. “Just take her out to a nice place and bring her home, at her doorstep just…” Joshua cleared his throat and did the best impersonation of Jeonghan he could. “Mouse, will you be my girlfriend?”

That had Cheol roaring in laughter once more, hitting his fist on the desk.

“God- Who knew the great Jeonghan would be freaking out over asking Mouse of all people out-”

He was nervous.

Sitting across from Mouse at a more upscale restaurant than they’d typically go to, Jeonghan was trying to keep his leg from bouncing. She was talking animatedly about a game where she was going against Wonu and absolutely wiped the floor with him. Something about a ‘one v one’ and characters named Sett (who Mouse ‘mained’) and Sylas (who Wonu picked). There was something thrown in there about a pool party skin and something about Wonwoo being a furry. He was paying attention, he swore he was focused on her words, but he couldn’t remember the game those characters were from at the moment because she was so damn distracting.

She looked really pretty. Like really pretty. When Jeonghan picked her up from her apartment, he knew he was done for. It was just a black dress, it was the simplest of things, but it hugged her body well, stopping mid-thigh. The neckline was straight but the almost bishop type sleeves made with black sheer fabric was stunning on her. The rose gold details in the jewelry had him quaking in his shoes.

He wanted to wine and dine her tonight before walking her all the way back to her apartment door and asking her to be his girlfriend officially. After his bullying session from Seungcheol and Joshua, Jeonghan reached out to Seokmin…and Seungkwan to see if they had any other advice which all boiled down to the same thing; take Mouse out to a nice dinner, share a dessert, and when he brought her home, ask her out. It was a simple thing to do, but his heart was fluttering and there were butterflies in his stomach, sending shivers down his spine.

“Do you want to share something for dessert?” The question piqued Mouse’s interest and she nodded, leaning her elbows on the table and holding her head in her palms.

“I’d love to, what do you want?”

“What do you want?” He countered, mimicking her position.

She snickered and hummed quietly. “I will not lie. The menu said there were chocolate lava cakes and I’ve been thinking about it all dinner.”

“Then lava cake it is.” He was quick to flag down the waitress and ordered it, settling back into the held up head position she was still sitting in.

“You look tired, Han.” Her voice was soft, reaching out to brush a few strands of his hair out of his face. “Have you been sleeping?”

“Ah~ Don’t worry about it. Things have been busy the past couple days. Once things settle I’ll be sure to rest.”

She didn’t look that pleased with his answer but withdrew her hand. “You better or I’m telling Shua.”

“Traitor.”

“You love it.” She snarked back and he snickered.

“A match made in hell.”

She covered her mouth to laugh, her shoulders shaking and she curled up on herself.

The waitress was quick to bring the dessert, placing the plate down. Jeonghan was quick to lean back in his seat and Mouse followed, folding her hands on the table. He watched as her eyes lit up, her gaze never leaving the heavenly dessert until it was placed down and the waitress walked away. When she lifted her eyes to his, he melted a bit inside. Mouse looked so happy and downright adorable.

Sharing the dessert was more a grumble of hums and Mouse wiggling happily in her seat. Jeonghan was savoring every spoonful of ice cream and chocolate cake, but more importantly, watching Mouse enjoy herself. The nerves in his stomach were still present but the more he mentally hyped himself up, the more confident he felt in everything or well…unless Mouse said no to being his girlfriend, then he would rather be home, eating really shitting junk food, and curling up with someone because he would need emotional support.

“Are you okay?” Mouse spoke up, holding one of his hands between both of hers as he drove her home.

He peered at her from the corner of his eye and he snickered. “I’m fine, Mouse.”

She pouted, drawing small patterns on his palm. “You seem distracted.”

Am I being that obvious? He mentally scolded himself.

“Have I? I doubt that~” He laced his fingers with hers, pulling into the parking garage for her building. “I’m just a busy man, Mouse.”

Before she got a chance to respond, Jeonghan exited the car and rounded over to her side, pulling the door open. Mouse took his hand when he reached out and Jeonghan smiled, pulling her up gently. Walking up to her apartment, he stayed close, swinging their joined hands which made her laugh under her breath and smile.

“Mouse- Y/N…” Jeonghan stopped her once she unlocked her door, taking a deep breath in. She looked uneasy at the mention of her name.

He paused, taking both of her hands into his, biting his lip nervously. “Look I-” He met her eyes, running his thumbs over her knuckles. “I’ve been taking all of this slow and I’ve really enjoyed every single date, the movie nights at the house with everyone, and just spending time with you. It’s been amazing and it warms my heart a lot…I was wondering if you’d like to officially…be my girlfriend.”

The fast beating of his heart was making him lightheaded.

Mouse’s face shifted from a look of concern to bright red cheeked and flustered. Her eyes were open wide and her mouth hung open the slightest bit but she didn’t say anything. Anxiety bubbled in his chest, thinking the absolute worst-

“I-” She pushed out the breath she held in then smiled, nodding her head quickly. “Yeah. Yes, Jeonghan. I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

Jeonghan looked…too happy coming home from his date with Mouse.

Seungcheol had been sitting on an armchair, legs kicked up on the coffee table with Wonwoo and Mingyu sitting on the other couch. He was watching the two of them play something on the taller man’s Switch when Jeonghan floated in from the garage, it was weird. He was humming to himself as he went to the fridge, getting himself a bottle of water and leaning against the counter, ignoring his friends.

Cheol looked to Wonwoo who turned back from peering at Jeonghan and he raised a brow, almost asking if he knew anything. Wonwoo’s flat expression shifted into a smirk, pulling out his phone and quickly tapping away. For a moment he paused and his nose scrunched up in a muted laugh.

“Finally!” Seokmin’s voice was heard down the hall and a fast footfall followed. “It took you long enough!”

Snorting in amusement, Seungcheol watched as Seokmin barreled into the room and stood opposite of Jeonghan at the kitchen island.

“Don’t finally me, I didn’t want to fuck it up.” Jeonghan shot back, downing some of the water. “I thought I was going to shit myself with how nervous I was the entire night.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad.” Seokmin countered, leaning himself on his elbows. “Mouse is chill when it comes down to it. She was very happy when I talked to her on the phone earlier.”

Jeonghan waved his hand around subtly to find the words but sighed, a smile on his face. “She looks so pretty. Like…dude, she looked gorgeous and I kept staring because she was dazzling.”

Seungcheol and Mingyu both fake gagged. Wonwoo’s shoulders shook in another silent laugh. He watched as Jeonghan and Seokmin glared at them.

“Shut up, my best friend is hot.”

“Yeah, my girlfriend is hot!” Jeonghan stuck his tongue out childishly.

That only made him and Mingyu gag again.

“I feel like I'm in a frat house.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

Wonwoo’s deep laugh rumbled. “Sometimes it smells like a frat house.”

Seungcheol grabbed a pillow and flung it at the younger man across the living room. “Yah! Everyone at least showers regularly!”

“And everyone forgets to do laundry until the last minute!”

“You are always home in Pandora! You have the time to! Maybe I should make you do everyone's laundry!” Seungcheol threw his head back in laughter at the disgust that spread on Wonwoo’s face.

“I would rather die.”

“That’s what I thought.” Seungcheol shot Wonwoo a cocky smirk.

“Why did you bring me here?” You tossed the stress ball you found in the air, laying on the couch in the small office.

“Because I’m bored, I have to look at paperwork, and I might as well bring a friend.” Mingyu sat behind the dark mahogany wood desk, a claw clip that he took from your bag earlier holding his hair back from his face. “Plus everyone is busy this weekend but you are free and I’m in the city.”

Catching the ball and dropping your arm to hang off the couch, you leaned your head back to see his upside down form against the dark red accent wall, surrounded by the pitch black of the other walls. Mingyu was focused on the files he was reading, he had shrugged off his jacket when he led you through the back entrance to Ruby earlier, straight into the officer from the locked back staircase.

Standing up, you lazed over to the large window that rested in the corner of the wall opposite of the desk Mingyu sat at. With no interference from the walkway to the left beyond the door beside the window, you overlooked the lower VIP area and a majority of the dance floor. The club was still closed, it was mid-afternoon on a Saturday, and the employees were spending plenty of time cleaning every inch of the building on Mingyu’s orders. As of right now, over an hour since arriving, looking down at the floor, no one was present unlike earlier when Mingyu first told them to get started.

While glad you got out of the house, you wanted entertainment, something to do. Last weekend, Jeonghan and you had made everything official but he did say he’d be heading out of town this weekend with a group of the guys for business with Ateez. The only ones left in the city were Junhui, Minghao, Mingyu, Cheol, Wonwoo, and Jihoon, and you knew spending time with Mingyu or Minghao would be the best way to spend your time than with any of the others. You didn’t want to clean your apartment and if you were at the house you’d be cooking just to pass the time.

Speaking of Ateez, Fennec , who you learned was named Wooyoung, was absolutely blowing up your phone. It wasn’t even actual stuff that mattered, most times it was memes or video game references that you did know but refused to admit. He wanted to hang out when his group and the youngest three got back, maybe bring some of Dreamcatcher members along. Now that you’ve seen inside Ruby, maybe you’d be able to snag seats at the very nice and very cushy upper VIP area that Jihoon books out for the filthy rich or mafia meetings .

“This is boring.” Turning around to face Mingyu, he looked back at you with a pout and a roll of his eyes.

“And what do you want me to do about that, Mouse? I have to finish all this before the club opens.”

“Can I go downstairs?”

“I don’t know, can you?”

Your face dropped into a deadpan expression. “ May I punch you in the face? Please?”

“Wah, Jeonghan is right, you are spending too much time around Cheol.” Mingyu sat back in the leather chair, mouth agape but a half smile on his spread lips.

“What- I barely even see him half the time, he barely talks to me.”

“But when you do, you gotta admit, you’d rather be throwing hands with him.”

“Well- I mean-” You stammered, crossing your arms over your chest. “Cheol kinda does have a punchable face…”

“I’m telling Jeonghan-” Mingyu whipped his phone from his pocket, shifting oddly in his seat to get it out. “He is going to love this-”

“I’ve already told him before…”

Mingyu paused before his smile just spread wider and he laughed with his whole chest. He looked so bright and childlike in comparison to the professional crisp white, collar shirt and gray suit slacks. But he still looked dumb with the clip on the top of his head holding his hair back. “I need more tea nights with you, Minghao, and Seokmin.”

“I can tell you all about how I whooped Wonu’s ass in League. Now get back to work, I’m going to see if anyone needs help downstairs.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Enjoy the paperwork~”

Making your way out the door, the soft thrum of a non-lyrical beat quietly filling the space. The walkway was decently wide, a couple feet, boarded on the side with a half-wall and a small railing to protect anyone from going over the side of it. You ran your hand over the railing, following the path towards the stairs at the other end of the walkway, stopping at the stereotypical red ropes that ‘gated’ off the office from the upper VIP area.

Unclasping the rope and securing it once more when past it, you took in the black and red scheme that bathed the area. The couches and tables were much nicer than the ones you could see downstairs, the lights were on but dim, feeding into whatever ambiance that Jihoon probably wanted to give off. With the half-wall beyond the walkway, it gave more privacy to the area above if patrons looked up, but anyone could stand by it and look down upon the masses that filled the floor below.

No one was upstairs currently, the tables were shining and dust free, probably cleaned not that long ago. With nothing of interest, you walked towards the staircase, the same red rope that you got past, and headed down to the main floor.

Standing at the foot of the stairs, you nodded to yourself as you took in the room. Under the overhang of the office and upper VIP area was the bar. Its center island held different tiers with decently priced liquors to some more expensive name brands near the top shelves. The outer counters were surrounded by plenty of cushioned, well maintained bar stools for patrons to occupy. From above the dance floor was huge, but being able to stand in the middle of it was weird. It probably didn’t feel as large when it was packed with bodies. With tables encompassing the outer edges of the room, you leisurely made your way around alongside them, hoping to find someone working to get something to do.

“Ya, what are you doing?” Jihoon’s voice startled you and you whipped around to find where he was. Towards the front of the building, Jihoon stood at the double door entrance to the club, dressed in a crisp black button-up and matching black trousers. His hair was slicked back out of his face and the sleeves were being rolled up as he spoke.

“I was bored.” Shrugging your shoulders, pointing up towards the office. “ ‘Gyu is doing work and I didn't want to sit around anymore.”

“You want to help me with something then?”

Tag List is Open! Comment on the BSH Master List to get added!

Tag List:

@unlikelysublimekryptonite @iiaweirdo @aurorajoye @gaslysainz @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @vanteel

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ashisill · 1 year ago

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Waited all my life.

Dad Josh that was supposed to be a blurb, but turned into my longest fic ever. Update I am going to make this into a part 2.

Warnings: pregnancy, birth (at home), mentions of childhood trauma, crying. If I missed any let me know.

Josh was in love with your baby the moment you found out you were pregnant. It started when you were a day late. No big deal it will come. Two days there’s still plenty of hope. Three … no worry. Then the two week mark hit, and you knew something was up.

“Josh I need to talk to you” you said sitting him down on the bed.

“Right now sweetheart? Jake and Danny are downstairs” he questioned.

“Josh it’s really important it can’t wait” you reassured him.

“Okay darling I am here talk to me” he took your hands into his.

“I am late”

“By how many days?” He asked.

You said softly “two weeks”

“Do you think it’s a possibility?”

“I feel weird Josh. I just can’t explain it”

“Okay darling I hear you. we’ll get a test and go from there okay? Don’t worry”

That’s all it took for him to hop in the car. He got you what you needed, making sure to bring a few of your favorite snacks back. You sat on the couch with Jake and Danny. Listening to all their crazy stories. Jake told you about the last time he took mushrooms, and all the wild shit that came with it. Danny added some stories of his own to the mix. Josh arrived back home with the box of pregnancy test in hand.

Jake stops mid sentence “pregnancy scare huh?

“Might be more than a scare”

You walked out of the bathroom, and waited for the timer. You got lost in the conversation. It almost seemed like that was Jake’s plan. He could tell your anxiety was through the roof. Every time he’d notice you starting to zone out he would bring you back. He did the best he could until that dreaded ringtone burst into the cozy conversation.

“Can I come with you or would you rather do it alone?” Josh asked looking down praying you’d let him in.

“Of course I want you with me silly” you laughed softly before opening the bathroom door. “You ready?”

He stared at the faced down pregnancy test, and took a deep breath“yes”.

You saw it

You knew it was true. Every emotion hit you at once. “Hey it’s gonna be okay. Lemme make sure” Josh took off sprinting into the living room. He grabbed the paper and there it said.

“Two lines” he said almost a whisper “Y/N TWO FUCKING LINES!”

He ran back as fast as he could. You felt like crying, but you didn’t want him to think you were upset. Instead you wrapped your arms around his neck giving him a kiss. “Your gonna be the best dad darling”

The rest of the night went well. Jake wrapped Josh in his arms for a long and tight hug. “I am so happy for you brother”. Jake knew Josh had always wanted to be a dad. Growing up he’d always dreamed of it. When they reached adulthood together he’d would always ask Jake if he ever thought about having kids. He’d tell him all his hopes for a future. Then he met you, and he told Jake it would be you. You would be the one to give him his dream. A little baby. A bundle of joy. A child to pour all his love into. Your the only one he’s ever thought about having kids with. He’s brought it up before, but never flat out asked if you were ready. Making little comments like “I just can’t wait to have kids”. “We’re gonna be such good parents one day”. Or when he sees a baby in public, and he gets a big warm smile “don’t you just want you one?”

A few days past he asked you about telling his parents. You talked about it for a while and decided to give them a call in the morning. The next day came and immediately he was on the phone telling his mom to get the next flight to Nashville. He spent all day pacing around the house. Cleaning things that didn’t to be clean, reorganizing, cleaning some more.

The front door opened no need for knocking. They reunited talking loudly over each other, and lots of hugs. It didn’t matter that you saw them all a week ago. Sam came in after his parents. Jake making a big entrance almost an hour after everyone arrived.

Jake and Josh headed outside to throw some food on the grill. You stayed in chatting with his family. They were pretty much your family at this point.

After everyone finished their meal Josh stood up. He signaled for you to stand with him, and so you did.

“Guys I need everyone’s attention” he kissed your forehead, and placed an hand on your belly. “We’re gonna have a baby. She’s pregnant”. That’s all it took for everyone to be back on their feet. Hugging the both of you. A few tears were shed from his momma. You loved her dearly. Karen was the first one to take you in, and treat you like her own.

You looked over at Sam to find his jaw dropped. “No words Sammy?”

“I am so fucking happy for you” he ran and wrapped you in a hug. You were surprised by this Sammy was never affectionate towards you. In return you hugged him tighter, and stayed there for a while.

Papa Kiszka noticing jakes nonchalant reaction he asked him about it. Jake explained that him and Danny were there you found out. Karen was very jealous. She would have loved to of been there when you found out. She’s been waiting for grandkids. She always said Josh would be the first to give her some. Guess moms are always right.

The next 9 months we’re spent planning, and heavy thinking. Karen there every step of the way. Sometimes getting to much in your business, and josh getting annoyed at her. You always reminded him how lucky he is to have her. Your mother wasn’t quite the mothering type. Hence to all your childhood trauma. You knew you would never let your kid grow up the way you did. That’s why you decide to not let her know you were pregnant. You didn’t want her involved with this life your creating. She always ruined yours. You never want your baby to feel how you had too.

You and Josh being the non traditional people that you are. You’ve decided to an at home birth. A water birth. Karen supported your decision adding that the hospital is very pushy. Plus all the hospitals policies were something Josh and you didn’t agree with. Knowing Josh would end up with wrinkles and grey hair with all that stress before the baby was even born. After all you didn’t want to be told how to give birth. It’s your body’s natural process, and not a medical emergency. You two like to do things a natural way. That meaning literally everything you two did.

Of course you made sure this was completely safe to do. Making sure you weren’t high risk, and assuring the babies safety.

Names names names.

“What about _?”

“You really wanna name our kid _? Do you want our poor baby to get made fun of?”

“Okay then. Your so dramatic mama. What about this one?”

“Joshua really”

“Well considering we planned on not knowing the gender till birth it has to work both ways”

“I’ve got one … River”

And it stuck.

A couple weeks past and Josh’s family had a huge family gathering. Celebrating a few birthdays that were past or coming up, the boys success with the band, and to announce your baby on the way. You two slept over that night to help set up the next morning. Josh woke up, and decided to let you sleep. He covered the blankets back over you, and headed for the kitchen. You awoke about an hour later not feeling so well.

“Good morning my pretty girl” he kissed your forehead. “How’s our baby?” He bent down kissing your stomach.

“Babies good. I am not feeling so great though” you told him. “ I feel like I am gonna be sick”

“Oh it’s morning sickness my dear” Karen told you finishing up breakfast.

You felt it rising, and looked around frantically for a safe place. Josh could tell by the look on your face what was about to happen. “Trash can sweetheart” he quickly walked you to it.

You felt terrible even tho you couldn’t help it. Tears threatening your eyes, and you tried to hide them well. “Hey don’t even worry about it sweet girl”. Josh’s kind words making you want to crawl into his arms and cry. “Don’t cry angel”. He swiped his fingers under your eyes to dry up any tears.

You apologized to Karen she just waved her hand, and said “you have nothing to be sorry about. Trust me I’ve had four kids I know how it feels”. Josh took you to the bathroom to run you a shower. He sat on the bathroom counter and talked to you as you cleaned up. After, you greeted his family and announced the news again, but to a bigger crowd this time.

Around three months in you and josh started on the nursery. You painted the walls a beautiful shade of light blue. One evening you went to the store to grab a certain snack. Pregnancy cravings are no joke. You came back to find josh painting little clouds on the wall. He picked the wall the crib was going on.

“Josh” you said looking at the clouds.

“I got carried away we can paint over them I just-”

“No no no love it’s perfect. The baby is gonna love em” you said tearing up. Surely just the pregnancy hormones, but this was a beautiful moment. “Awe baby don’t cry” he took you in a hug. “I am glad you like them”

Nearing the time of your due date Karen stayed with you. She slept in the guest bedroom so you never had to be alone. One night you’ve began feeling contractions, so Karen started timing them. You were in pain, but enough to function. You moved around a a yoga ball josh insisted you buy. Josh began playing music through the speakers. At this point joshs closest family was there. Along with your closest friends.

“Come dance with me darling” josh held his hand out.

You giggled through the contractions “josh I can’t”.

“Don’t lie to me” he joked “C’mon on ya feet I’ll hold you up”.

How could you stay no to that?

You began dancing more like waddling around with josh. Then suddenly the feeling of water dripped down your legs. You looked down immediately knowing what just happened. Josh knew too “Her water broke!” Josh shouted.

Everyone sprung into action. The midwife was called and the small circular inflatable birthing pool was put up. You got in the pool with help from josh.

Only Karen, josh, and the midwife were in the room now. Giving you your space as they all waited anxiously in your living room.

“I can’t josh” you cried in pain.

“Yes you can your so fucking strong” josh stood on the side holding you up as you bent over the pool side.

You gripped Josh leaving finger nail prints on his arm.

“Your almost there I promise” Karen told you.

You squeezed the fuck out of Josh’s hand as he talked you through it. “It’s almost over darling. I am so fucking proud of you” his eyes started to swell this tears. “I am so proud of you” he whispered.

One final push

The moment you waited 9 whole months for was before you. A thousand feelings hit you. Sad? Happy? Relieved? Pain? No a feeling that didn’t have a name. You couldn’t explain it because you’ve never felt it before. I sense a change. Protectiveness. A motherly feeling.

The midwife carefully examined, and lifted the newborn out of the water. The gender was announced, and josh started crying harder. The baby was laid on your chest as tears streamed down your face.

After some time the question was asked “Anyone cutting the umbilical cord?”

Josh’s eyes met yours. “Would you like to?” You asked him.

“I would love to”

He was showed where to cut it once he lined it up he asked if it was right just to make sure. He got the go ahead, and cut the umbilical cord.

You josh got a moment alone.

“May I?” Josh said asking to sit in the water with you.

“Please” you said. When he sat down softly you handed him his daughter. Karen being the only one beside you two who knew the gender yet.

“She’s so beautiful” he began to cry. “Just like her mama. I am so happy to meet you baby” He rambled to his daughter for quite some time.

“I’ve waited all my life for you”

An hour past and your excitement grew “When do you want to show them?” You asked.

“Whenever your ready mama” he said handing her back to you. You told him you were, but asked if he wanted to let Jake announce the gender. He got teary eyed again more than happy to let his twin be involved. When Karen came back you requested Jake come in alone for a minute.

“They said there about ready, but they’d like Jake to come in alone first” Karen said.

“Me?” Jake stood up and gently opened the door. He immediately washed his hands before heading over to you.“Oh my god. It’s not bald” he laughed.

“No she’s not” you laughed.

“It’s a girl” he smiled “I fucking knew it”

You started handing River over to Jake. “Are you sure?”

“Yes of course. We want to ask you something as well” you said looking at josh to finish.

“Would you like to announce the gender?” Josh said.

“I would fucking love to. Are you sure?” You both nodded, and looked down at the infant in his arms. “Hey little girl it’s uncle Jakey. Well aren’t you just the prettiest”

You watched josh and he looked at Jake with complete love in his eyes. Watching his twin brother hold his daughter made all this seem real. Tears ran down his face again making you start to cry.

“Oh god don’t do that” Jake said looking at you two. He looked down again “your gonna make me cry to pretty girl” his eyes began to water. He looked up and took a breath refusing to let them fall. “Emotional moment ay?”

You laughed at Jake’s attempt to stop the tears.

“Ugh I guess I gotta share ya huh? You ready to meet em sweetheart?”

Everyone was called in, and the room was filled with love as everyone gasps and cooed at the newborn. Jake still held her in his arms as his sister Ronnie tried to take her.

“Back off” he joked. “I’ve got news folks” the room went quite “Rivers a girl”.

As calm and relaxed as Karen’s been the whole journey you began to watch her eyes swell. Not only was it her first granddaughter, but that josh needed Jake to be included. No matter how old they may get they still needed each other. As much as you’d need oxygen to breathe. Even though this was Josh’s moment he needed Jake to share it with.

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issdisgrace · 5 months ago

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14TH BIRTHDAY

WARNINGS: SEXUAL ASSAULT, smoking, trauma, nightmares, james tartt is a shit father

Leaning on the balcony, I smoke a cigarette, taping to ashes off over the side. I sigh before taking another drag, lost too much in thought. I don’t notice Roy open the balcony door.

“Y/n.” I just hum in response as I look out into the night.

“Another nightmare.” He asks. I just nod as he wraps his arm over my hunched shoulders.

“You want to talk about it? Your therapist said it would be good, too.”

“Remember how I told you how James would constantly try to get on my mom’s good side after he cheated or did some shit stuff? Well, it was mine and Jamie’s 14th birthday and James did god knows what and wanted to get back on mom’s good side, so he took us out for our birthday. We did all this stuff, then at the end of the night he took us to sex workers to lose our virginities so we could officially become real men. It was one of the most traumatizing night in my whole life. I couldn’t even look at any women without feeling ill. I couldn’t even look at my own mom. My mom, for christ sakes It took so long to be able to look at or be touched by her without feeling sick. I avoided her at all coast, she gave me space which I’m glad she did but when mine and Jamie’s 15th birthday came around. She mentioned our father was going to take us to see the football game for our birthday instead because she had to work. I woke up feeling absolute dread and before our dad came to pick us up, I ended up having such a bad panic attack that I passed out and I had to go to the hospital. Thats when I first met my psychiatrist, and I was urged to talk to him by my mom. I hated the thought of telling anyone, but eventually I told him everything and we worked together for a year and got me back to the point I could look at and talk with women without being sick to my stomach. That was also the year that me and Jamie started to drift apart. I still think he holds a grudge against me for making us miss our birthday that year. We were supposed to go see you play that year. We were both so excited, but I ruined that. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty after all the years and after mending our relationship, but I can’t help it.”

“I’m so sorry.” Roy says, pulling me into him. I slowly let my guard down and cry into his neck as he rubs my back. We stay like that for god knows how long, but eventually Roy leads me back into the house and to bed. We get into bed and he pulls the covers over us before kissing my forehead and I slowly fall asleep in his arms.

I stare up at the ceiling, running what Y/n told me over and over again. I can’t believe a father would do such a thing to his own fucking son. God, if I could get my fucking hands on that fucker, he would be dead. Calm down, Roy, calm down. No need to be going to jail. You can’t help or protect Y/n if you're in jail.

#roy kent #ted lasso #roy kent x male reader #roy kent x reader #jamie tartt #james tartt is a shit father

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deceptive-daydreams · 11 months ago

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Thinking about smoke signals Eddie and how maybe he’s finally getting a Christmas where that flicker of holiday magic blooms in him chest. He’s got something -someone- that makes him feel hopeful and worth it. Every night he looks forward to the next day with anticipation instead of dread - the way a kid counts down the days to Christmas morning. He knows he’s nearing something special and magical even if he can’t fully put that into words yet.

I’m thinking too much

i woke up to this with the biggest smile on my face cause my mindset has been "no one cares about smoke signals anymore cause you take too long to update" so just know that you have me kicking my feet and giggling over here rn

OKAY BUT THIS IS THE VIBE... Eddie's always "hated" the holidays or maybe the holidays just don't agree with him and never offer him mercy. Something always happens around that time of year without fail. Since moving to Knife's Edge he's only spent them with Wayne when he visits but it's usually very simple and they don't really decorate or anything, just hang out and have dinner and some beers every night until Wayne has to go back to Indiana. So it's not like anything bad has happened over the holidays for a few years but in typical Eddie fashion, he's always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

To be fair he's had enough trauma to last him lifetimes and one Christmas that really ruined it for him was when he was little and his dad came home drunk and Eddie thought he was Santa. Instead of Santa he's met with his dad stumbling around their tiny living room, knocking over their small tree with a majority of homemade ornamets he and his mom crafted together. At first it was an accident but as his dad got tangled up in some of the lights he started to get annoyed, slurring curses at the tree before finally shoving it over declaring it a "usless fuckin' thing". Shortly after, Eddie's mom had rushed out, tucking little Eddie behind her as she addressed her drunken husband. They started to argue, dad always starting it without fail. His mom tried so hard to keep the peace but when he started to raise his voice she had no choice but to try and appear bigger. She was never scared of him, or so she lead on. His dad would start knocking furniture over and rampage until he passed out on the kitchen floor after accidentally hitting his face against the counter, blood spilling from his nose.

There were several Christmases Eddie and his mom would go over to Wayne's because of his dad. Eddie would still protest, stating that he hates the trailer park, that he wanted to stay home and that maybe dad will be better this morning. That was never the case but little Eddie didn't really know any better, his dad always charming his way out of situations, always convincing Eddie that he was some kind of hero at the end of the day, even after being such a deadbeat. It got worse as he got older, his mom passed when he was six and from there Christmas never felt quite the same. Wayne would insist that Eddie come over and spend the holiday with him, he knew his dad would either not come home at all or would turn up too late, Eddie sulking in that damn house all alone while he waited for his dad to show up. Needless to say, it took a while for Eddie to realize just how fucked up it was that his dad would have him wrapped around his finger for his own convenience. Christmas had never been a happy time. He was always thankful for all that his mom and Wayne would do for him, to keep him distracted from his dad's shenanigans. But it never erased that void in his heart and it never kept him from chasing after something he could never have.

His first holiday season around reader...completely shifts everything and it scares the shit out of him at first. He starts feeling that so called "joy" that everyone swears they feel around this time of year. He feels like the fucking grinch when his heart grows three sizes every time she's around. He doesn't mind the little decorations she scatters around the bar, the image of snowflakes and Christmas ornaments only start reminding him of her and not his past. Let's just say that his inner child starts to heal...

I HAVE SOME CHRISTMASY STUFF PLANNED FOR THEM AND I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE IT WHEN IM ABLE TO. THERE WILL BE A LIL ANGST BUT I PROMISE IT'S NOTHING SCARY

#ily thank you for putting this in my inbox #i swear things like this motivate me to write #smoke signals #eddie munson x reader

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uzumakisavior · 1 year ago

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P:1/3 "I Love You, Dad."

Personal thought dump. The reason why I am taking a small break. I am just processing things. Daddy issues and paternal figure trauma. You're more than welcome to read, but its personal and not meant to be an essay. may delete later. not proof read. *sigh* WHEN i SEE YOU, GEGE!!! WHEN i SEE YOU, GEGE!!! Excuse me while I cry in the corner. I'm a little f*cked up right now.

A child witnessing a messy divorce isn't for the faint of heart. My mother wasn't one to forgive, even though she was the offending party. My mother would put my hands on my father and make him bleed. I only witnessed the arguing, and even still, it was endless. When they finally separated, she would leave me with her friends because she wanted to party (making me vulnerable to all types of things) and kept me in a room with a movie so I wouldn't disturb her. To my mother, I was an inconvenience to her selfish desires. I witnessed my mother do things a child shouldn't know. My life was unstable and all i wanted was genuine love. My aunt would come to visit me, and years later she'd tell me, "Lillian, you would cry and ask to live with me. You told me that being with Mom made you feel like a "Bird Locked In A Cage."

But my father? My father was tall, lean, handsome (so I've heard. But i have pictures to prove it. And i like to say I get the better part of my looks from him. ), and well mannered. His long, ebony, black hair and pale skin would compliment each other perfectly. I was gifted with his almond eyes and high cheekbones. He loved his culture. His identity was important to him, and he was never one to rage. I would never, ever, witness him lose his temper. Not even with my mother.

I always felt safe and secure with my father. He spent time to talk to me. We would play tag and video games together. He bought me my first Nintendo Game Boy. He would help me at the monkey bars in the park. I got A's in my school projects thanks to his help. My sibling and I would cuddle him while we watched a movie before bed.

Visitation with my Dad was day and night compared to life with my mother. I have memories where I forced myself to stay up all night so he wouldn't leave. It was a battle to keep my eyes open. His arms wrapped around me while I rested on his chest. When I was with him I was free to be me. I was safe. I was loved. I was important. All of us were a priority under his care, and I felt it when he embraced me. My abuse at home would cease whenever I saw his face. And yet, time with my Dad was always cut short by those custody orders.

He kept his long locks in a braid or low ponytail. It sported such a shine, lol, he might as well have modeled a shampoo commercial. It was straight as a board. Not a curl in sight. I was fascinated. I wanted hair that whimsical. I wanted the hair of a princess, like my dad. It was strange because he was supposed to be a boy, and my hip length hair couldn't compare.

"Dad, can I brush your hair?"

"Hm? Yeah. Sure."

He was sitting on his futon reading a magazine. He leaned back, legs crossed and shoulders relaxed.

I was only five. Maybe six. My little hands would reach up and grab sections of his hair. The way the strands felt against my palms fascinated me. I'd toss it, swing it, pull it gently to see if it would break. I'd even let his hair glide down my hands like a lustrous dark waterfall.

"Dad, promise me! Don't ever cut your hair ok?"

"Alright, " he chuckled, "Why is that, Lillian?"

"Because one day, Imma jump rope with it!!! It's already so long!!!" I was so excited at the idea, I began twisting 2 sections like a rope and pretended to play double-dutch.

"I promise. No worries." His voice was always so gentle and loving. Always soft for his children. I was one of three.

As I smoothed out his hair I proclaim:

"Dad, I love you."

----

#Im miss you dad #I miss the version of you i knew #She took me from you #right when I needed you the most #I was your one and only daughter #I am tasked to forgive her but i just can't #personal #save #dad

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twistedboxy · 2 years ago

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Written on 2/15/23 on paper but didn't type it up til recently

Lately I haven't felt like myself since I got some news a while back. There are so many things that make me anxious or upset, even stupid little things that are not even part of my control. Last Saturday 2/11/23, I literally had to pull into a parking lot to cry and have an anxiety attack. I have so many thoughts that make me anxious or think about lost things like mom and get upset.

As many of you know I’m the oldest and have two younger sisters. K (28) and M(19). K,me and K’s boyfriend live together as well as my mom before she passed. In Dec, K told me she was pregnant. She’s almost 30 so she can do whatever and I support any of her choices. She’s an adult. She had been nervous to tell me and when she did kinda sent me into a panic about all the things to do.

Luckily there are many wonderful people in my life that quelled most of my worry. You know who you are. I love you all. I’m scared of being an aunt but those who know me think I’ll be wonderful. I’ve slowly been getting excited as well.

We talked again after she finally told our dad. (There’s some emotional trauma between us but that is a different post.) He seemed pretty supportive and excited from what she told me. She brought up a good point about the baby continuing our legacy since it would have just ended at us. That brought up a lot of feelings on how much we both miss our mom. For me it’s tough since I look a lot like her.

I’ve been thinking about experiences that I haven’t had yet. Some of us have talked about what they are. Not going into full detail but would talk in dm. I also think about life and death. I know I'm being vague but I tend to end up in a loop of scaring myself.

I’ve also been bored and frustrated at work. Things have slowed down considerably between closing test sites and putting a hold on files we were scanning. A lot of the stuff that we were scanning was technically done. The original person who they had scanning files was told something completely different or it got jumbled along the way. They also left him to his own devices. We had been helping out on the side to keep busy. Yet they let him go. We got the big scanner for mass documents ordered and set up. My other coworker who was scanning along with me are currently waiting for the one manager to show us what to do.

I’ve also assisted with various file retrieval which I’m quite good at. I have a list that are from one specific company but I’ve been through all that was available in one of the rooms we keep files. The rest of the boxes are wrapped in pallets in the back space with other stuff blocking it. We didn’t think we ever needed to go back to it since we scanned everything. We don’t have the space to move the in front items about to and fro. This is pretty much daily. I get occasional projects or orders from some sites as well as logging Fedex packages. It’s very boring and frustrating. At least when I was scanning I could put on a show and do both. Why do I go?

If you're still reading this, thank you again for hearing me out. It means a lot to me. I don’t make posts like this often.

I’ll post my sister’s registry in a while if you'd like to send something.

#personal #needed to get this out of my system

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wint3r-h3art · 2 years ago

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Omg, I had no idea you also eat balut! I looked it up and the banana leaves, the vinegar, the spices. I looked up some other Cambodian food and it reminds me of this Instagram video I saw the other day with this Cambodian girl visiting her mother. Her mother made shrimp fried rice and a couple other dishes and it almost made me tear up a little because of how familiar it looks. It looks like the fried rice my mom taught me how to make, especially if it's cooked in a big wok that's scratched and slightly burned at the bottom from years of use. Plus the little vinegar on the side with minced garlic and chili peppers. If I ever find it again I'll send it to you. I'm looking at desserts now and you're right too about the coconut and palm sugar! We also use banana plantains and mangoes, and let's not forget the banana leaves (what is NOT wrapped in banana leaves or rice paper, lol). You're right that there's similarities between our cultures even if we speak different languages, and I just love that about us. And what I find especially endearing is our abbreviation as Southeast Asians, it's SEA. It's just so 🤍

*hugs you tightly* I remember learning a little bit about that in school, it's sad it's briefly talked about in class and I only learned more about it from reading YA books at the library. There was a book I read from the school library when I was 12 years old that I cannot remember what it was called, but I vividly remember the cover and the story because it stuck with me more than 10 years later. It was about a Cambodian girl where she and her older sister were put in a camp and she loved her sister dearly, but her older sister died before they could make it to the United States. Her memory of her was them dancing together and she carries her memory with her whenever she dances. I feel the 70s was a hard time for SE Asia because my dad was in college, my mom in high school at the time too when the Philippines was put under martial law during the Marcos dictatorship. Particularly in the province my family is from, there were a lot of massacres and brutality from the dictatorship. My dad told me he even remembers there was a time a lot of Vietnamese people came to the Philippines to escape the war. Not pitting us against other Asian nations, but you are right and I feel that SE Asian nations have a specific kind of generational and cultural trauma from colonialism that is different compared to other nations, even if some of us are separated by a sea. It's a pain we all feel and a wound we all suffer from in some way. But we are stronger when we stand together 🤍🤍

I know that got kinda dark so back to the lighter stuff! I can totally imagine Namor and Namora casually eating Cambodian food, not minding the spice but don't tell Attuma it's spicy until he starts coughing and sweating. That's what he gets for oversleeping and missing their morning meeting 🤣🤣🤣

For balut, we call it something else lol (pong thea koun). But yes, many dishes we do share, and i think it’s the infuences from trade route and such. We eat rice with spoon and fork too, and if we do it traditional way, definitely by hand, on the straw mat 🤣 Also we use banana leaves, lotus leaves, and palm leaves as well ! the thing that I miss the most while living here is drinking palm juice out of bamboo tubes. The taste just so distinct, and there’s nothing like it. I remember when I was young and visited my grandfather’s hometown, and the island was fully of mangoes! I remembered eating the green ones because I love sour mangoes more than the ripe one tbh, dipping them in spicy shrimp paste or spicy chili salt.

The 70′s was truly a really tragic time for most SEA people. My in-laws were actually among the Vietnamese refugees a then camp at the Philippine. I think they were there for about two years before they managed to come to the US. My relatives were refugees in Malaysia/Indonasia. Everyone was trying to escape war and find a better life. They have to leave everything behind, and honestly, that sort of trauma does stick with you to these days, even generation later.

But yes, moving from the dark stuff, I need Attuma to introduce me to fresh water dolphin! There’s a legend about it, and I need to know if it’s true 🤣🤣🤣 I imagine him just hanging out by the river dock, and calls me over to meet his friend, the fresh water dolphin that everyone thought went extinct.

#linda answered #my SE Asian sister 🥰

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neverluckygoldfish · 1 year ago

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19 -

Black or white. Wrong or right. Good or bad. It’s all a spectrum, but I have a really hard time seeing it that way.

Today, I’m trying to hold both of these things & give them equal weight:

1. I am an addict. I am an alcoholic. I have hurt the people I love. I have made choices that put myself, my loved ones, and society in danger. Intentionally as well as unintentionally. I’ve acted in ways, with no regard for others. I’ve made people worry and caused them anxiety. I still have more to see about the ripple effects of my actions.

I give myself a little grace because I started using and drinking at a young age (13 to be precise) But I continued this pattern through the age of 29. Probably still wouldn’t have admitted it was slowly killing me if it didn’t all blow up in my face and I had no other choice but to face reality. That’s just the truth.

Even at 13, I knew I was making a bad decision (hi DARE) but I didn’t care because I thought I was better than it (lol I was kind of a “I know better than everyone else” little b at 13).

In a way, I thought I was invincible. I’ve been so consumed by my own pain that I didn’t take the time to truly acknowledge others’. I ignored them. It’s not all me me me me me. I say this to take accountability.

2. I grew up in a turbulent household. My father was an alcoholic and those are my earliest memories. I was terrified of him & embarrassed of him. He got sober and then became a drug addict. He took me on drug runs. Our backyard was covered in crack pipes. He forgot about me, he belittled me, he degraded me. He physically abused my mother and myself. He told me I wasn’t worthy and my family kind of enabled that narrative. He’s clean now and has been for years but he is so wrapped up in his own delusional world - we have no contact. I found out recently that he suffered horrible abuse and neglect as a child. The cycle continues.

It was just my parents and I, not much extended family. One grandma - well, she swallowed a lifetime of abuse and pain. She wasn’t entirely sane, as a result. The other one? Everything was my fault in her eyes, I was just like my dad. Why am I making our lives so hard? At 3, at 7, at 16, at 21, now. Ok grandma, I get it. I wasn’t an easy child. Everyone else was pretty much on the fringe, never really saw them or knew them.

My mom wasn’t around because she was busy supporting the whole household and trying to keep it all together. I still don’t know how she did it. She’s also very stoic — actually, it’s a cultural thing. We come from a background where stoicism is revered. We. Do. Not. Talk. About. Things. We overcome and we swallow it or we whisper behind closed doors and pretend everything is fine. Patriarchy rules. You can’t change your situation, bad things happen and we endure silently.

I see things from her perspective now, she was in an impossible situation. She’s only human. These days, we are a lot more honest and compassionate with each other. She is my anchor and I would give her the sun, if I could.

But I held a lot of anger and resentment towards her for most of my childhood. Because I felt no one had my back. I had to grow up and parent myself starting at a very young age. I had to figure out the world on my own. When things with my dad finally ended and she was ready to parent me, I was like “fuck you”. I was 14 years old and thought I knew everything.

So, I attribute a lot of the issues I struggle/d with to my upbringing. To not having the resources, the support, or a caregiver who could actually provide care. What about me? I never got a sorry. I got ridiculed and gaslit for being a walking trauma response as a child. No one explained that this wasn’t okay. Actually, no one really said much of anything besides getting upset when I wasn’t docile and quiet. My self-esteem is the depth of a teaspoon (but growing stronger, each day). So what about me? Where is my fucking apology? They were adults who were supposed to know better and do better.

It’s the not dealing with these issues and hiding everything until I felt like I was going to explode — that led me to make the choices I made, turning to alcohol & drugs. Like I sprinted towards them. I knew there would be consequences sure, but I didn’t see myself being where I am today. I didn’t see myself causing hurt, anguish, pain to people around me who love me. I didn’t see myself wishing for death and becoming suicidal. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone really gave a shit about me so I was free to deal however I wanted.

I see those things now. I’m uncovering more and more each day. I start to remember so many times I’ve used and forgotten about — it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It’s hard. I’m coming to terms with these choices and their consequences. No one is obliged to forgive me & I respect their boundaries. Apologies don’t erase pain. I feel embarrassed to admit these truths, because they seem ridiculous to me now. But I have to. I want to be better.

It’s hard to not think that the decisions made were entirely wrong or entirely right. That the people involved (myself included) are all good or all bad. How can I acknowledge that my childhood was difficult and shaped me as I am today, but that my choices are entirely my own? At what point, what age, is it acceptable to say I knew better but continued to choose self-destruction? How do I forgive myself?

Maybe the issue is that I’m focused on that instead of understanding how decisions & people are far more complex than an either/or. I’m struggling to reconcile these things as truth, altogether — to understand the gray.

I still have a long way to go.

#addiction #addiction recovery #sobriety #healing #self love #recovery #alcoholism #drug abuse #drug and alcohol addiction #recovering addict #compassion #vulnerability #sorry for being depressing #sorry for the rant

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writinglanie · 2 years ago

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“— he wanted a bride, I was making my own name.”

Her eyes met his for a brief moment, before moving back over to her brother. The twins had broken the news to her over lunch that they planned to invite the Monroe’s and the Wright’s. Sage had forced out a smile and told them that was fine. The deserved to have those they cared about present.

After the ceremony, she heard her name being called as a teenage boy, she just barely recognized anymore walked over to her. Sage felt a pang of regret about leaving the 10 year old boy behind — Sage and Flynn had always promised him that she would be there for Orion, but eventually it just got too hard. Too much to balance, too much to continue seeing Flynn. “Hi Ri.” She wrapped the boy in her arms, and held on tight; as if that could make up for all of the lost time between them.

“I’ve missed you.” His words only make her hug him tighter.

“I’ve really missed you too, Orion. I can’t believe how tall you’ve gotten!”

The woman met Flynn’s eyes over his son’s shoulder. In another world this could have been her family. It should have been her family, but by the time she healed from all of her trauma — she felt like it was too late to go back and try and fix their relationship. It wasn’t fair to him, he had never asked for her to be so broken. At the time she had though it was unfixable, she wishes she had listened to him six years ago.

The pair broke apart. “Yeah — I think I’m going to be taller than Dad.” The boy had a mischievous look in his eyes, and Sage was immediately brought back to a 8 year old who liked to cause all kinds of trouble with her.

Her eyes glanced back towards Flynn to take in the man. She truly doubted Orion surpass Flynn, or at least she hoped not. Sage would always see him as a child.

“I’ll catch up with you later, if you don’t mind giving me and your dad a second. “ She could see the hesitance in his eyes, but he still nodded and headed over to his mom. God, Amalie probably hated her for hurting Flynn. Sage took a step towards Flynn with a small smile. “Hi, how are you?”

Sage felt the warmth from his smile, “I’m doing okay. Can’t believe those two finally figured it out.”

She chuckled, “You’re telling me. It took a lot of work to get them there.” The man’s face dropped for a moment before he went back to being neutral. “Flynn, I didn’t mean that we weren’t wort — “

“It’s fine, Sage. Really.” Though she could tell he was still hurt that she needed to be by herself to figure out who she was.

“It’s not. You were worth it to me, okay? I just couldn’t keep hurting you and while I figured it out. “

Six years ago

“Sage, it’s okay. We can get through this together. “ Sage squeezed his hand, as the tears fell.

She closed her tightly and shook her head. “ I need to do it myself. I can’t keep hurting you. And me this way, is only hurting you.” This was something that she had spent a long time thinking about. Someday’s she wanted to curl up in his arms, and stay with him forever. The harder days though, those were the ones that made her feel worthless. That blocked her from truly loving him the way he deserved to be loved. Flynn had the biggest heart from anyone she knew. It wasn’t fair to him to sit by and only love her from a distance — to not receive that love back.

She felt his fingers brush away her tears, “I don’t mind, just being with you is enough for me. Even if it’s just as a friend who supports you.” That was what made this so difficult; her soulmate would assist her however she needed him to. Even if he put himself and his feelings on the back burner. Flynn should be with a partner that was willing to do the same for him, and right now that wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her — not when she could barely handle her own issues. Flynn wanted to be able to fix her himself, He wasn’t able to though. Not this time.

“I need to do this on my own. I need to figure out who I am before I can really be with you. I’ve spent my whole life taking care of people that I’ve forgot to take care of myself. I need therapy, I need time.” This time she watched as a tear escaped Flynn’s eyes. They both knew this was it. What he’s been fighting against for weeks, it’s come to this.

“I support that choice. I — I’ll always be here if you need me” Sage brushed her fingers along where she knew his shirt hid his soul mark.

“I know, you’ve always taken care of me.” A piece of her will always belong to Flynn Monroe.

Present day

“Someone wants her Mama.” Ian interrupted, before passing the little girl off to Sage. Breaking her from the painful memory. Her smile brightened as the little girl rested her head under her mom’s chin. She saw Flynn eye her curiously, a lot had changed in six years. A part of her had always pictured a family with him, even long after their break up.

Her daughter was the one thing in this life that she was truly proud of. There was so much about her life that she wanted to tell Flynn, almost immediately she wanted to tell him that her daughter was created in a fertility clinic. There had been other men, not that they ever lasted long — there no one she could trust the way she trusted Flynn. No one she wanted to raise a family with besides her soulmate.

“This is Aruelia.” She looked down at the little girl. The one that would be turning two in just a few short months and once again she’s caught wondering where time went. Glancing up to Flynn, she speaks to the girl in her arms. “Can you say hi to Flynn, baby?” The little girl waved a cubby arm, before hiding again. “She’s a little bit shy.”

“Shes adorable, looks just like her mom.”

“It’s all the dimples, she actually resembles Cory as a baby more than me or even Izzy strangely enough considering that they’re twins and — “ She paused when she realized how much she was rambling. This man always brought out her nerves and made her feel small; not in a bad way, but in the way that made her feel secure enough to tell him things she knows most people would shut down.

A soft chuckle was pulled from his lips, and Sage couldn’t help but feel her gaze drop to his lips for a brief moment. “I’d like to see photos as proof someday.”

Ian walked up again, “ Izzy wanted me to tell you they’re getting ready for their first dance. Said you didn’t want to miss it. Sorry I keep interrupting.” He eyes Flynn for a moment, and Sage rolls her eyes. Leave to her best friend to size the man up, when she’s never had anything bad to say about Flynn. She’s the one that broke his heart, and hers in the process.

Flynn smiled at her, ignoring the look from her friend. He always did have away of making it feel like they were the only two people in the room. “Maybe we could could go to lunch and catch up. I’d like to know more about your life now.”

Sage smiled brightly. “It’s a date.” And this time she wouldn’t run. She was ready to love and be loved by him completely unfearful — they would make this time, she had a good feeling about it.

@sarahsinwonderland

#&. ❛ you made your mark on me a golden tattoo. ❜ ╾ relationship‚ sagelynn.

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eclvpses · 9 months ago

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“The world, son. I owned the world.” And then he’d come to America and he’d become a dad - for a handful of months, before being sent away. He ignored Dante’s suggestion that Frankie show him his own dad’s music - Frankie had never been able to properly listen to it himself. Paired with Dante’s question and they were all but snapping their neck to stare at him in shock. Stunned that there was anyone that would even dream of holding their dad in high regard - but it wasn’t Dante’s fault. Frankie probably sounded like he had some sort of respect for him. “Uh - no.” He scoffed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “He, um… he went to prison. When I was… six months old. So drunk he - didn’t see my mum in the rearview mirror of, uh, his car. Ran her over.” It’d been worthy news when Frankie was a kid. Got them picked on until - it wasn’t worthy news anymore, but everyone still knew. Most did, at least. That Francis - his dad murdered his mom! He’d heard a mum practically shout it in his school’s parking lot. Third grade and already left out of party invites, summer sleepovers, class Valentine’s exchanges. “Convicted on my birthday. Been there, uh, ever - ever since.” This wasn’t something Frankie was used to sharing casually. This wasn’t something Frankie was used to sharing at all - they felt entirely exposed. But it wasn’t a bad thing, for once. Frankie’s feelings were delicate, and he treated them like an over exuberant kid tapping at a fishbowl, begging them to do something. Dante seemed to wrap them cautiously - packing peanuts and FRAGILE tape for extra measure. “Sorry.” They mumbled automatically for the sudden trauma dumping. With concern, Frankie watched Dante’s face change from muted content to anguish. Covering his face, obviously crumbling in on himself into a place Frankie wasn’t welcome in anymore. Or maybe not yet, Dante taking a moment to himself to just breathe, collect his thoughts. It was a touchy subject, Frankie easily pieced together, Dante and his music - new music, he’d clarified. He didn’t record anymore - and it felt like a damn shame. But it wasn’t Frankie’s place to push on it, instead moving into Dante’s space, and then backing out of it again. For as deep as Frankie could love, they could panic in equal measure when it came to tears. But they’d been the one to draw the tears out of Dante, even if inadvertently, so they pushed forward. Brushed Dante’s hands away from his face so that they could swipe at the tears that’d remained under his eyes and streaked across his cheeks with a pinched look on Frankie’s part. Jesus - they were probably about to make Dante cry more just from being so fucking awkward. “I didn’t - sorry. I didn’t know it was, um. A sore spot. You okay?” Distraction, they were meant to be distracting. From the song, and now because Dante was upset, and crying - Frankie felt himself grow keyed up with worry, cupping Dante’s face and using their thumbs to mould his face into a smile. “There we go - much better. I hated that. That was awful - those… that sucked. Don’t cry again, I’ll, um… That was kind of heart breaking. I’m sorry. Can I - what can I do?”

"Maybe you should show me sometime." Dante said giving Frankie a smile back while nodding to his words. In all honesty he didn't know too much about Frankie's family so listening to them speak now forced Dante's eyes to remain only on him. To take in all the words spoken, and try to see where their mind traveled. "What did that mean?" he asked, bringing some lasagna to his lips without once breaking his gaze, even when the other turned. He let out a silent sigh of content. "Do you admire your dad?" The question was a bit loaded on Dante's part. His parents not people that he liked to talk about much because of how things ended - it brought him immense sorrow and clouded his thoughts, but he did often wonder what his relationship to them would be now. They hadn't been the best of parents to him growing up. The constant fights, the endless drugs that were ever present in their home, and the constant yelling at his five year old self whenever he didn't leave them be. When they had friends over and he wanted to show them the song he'd been practicing on the mini guitar his pawpaw had bought him one Christmas. The sound of that same guitar smacking against the wall when his father grew tired of his little games. They weren't good to him, but he loved them still. He used to fantasize about them a lot when younger. Hoped they'd get clean and make music with him like his pawpaw always did. Hoped they'd love him enough to at least try. Hoped they'd somehow come back despite knowing well they never would. Dante put down the platter in his hand, setting it on the futon, before walking over to Frankie. "What are you doing?" he said with a laugh, reaching up to grab a hold of Frankie's wrists as his eyes were covered. He nodded, licking his lips as he waited to head what he could only assume was a mistake he'd missed. Frankie's words though made his breathe pause. Silencing everything out, but the song and their words. Dante wanted to shake his head and say no - that he couldn't sing any new music, but he didn't dare. Too much emotions associated with the song as it was, adding a piece on himself only made it hurt more. This was Marcy's song. "I haven't-" he began, but closed his mouth and took a deep breath forcing himself to finish listening to the song. He brought his hands up to his face, covering his eyes just as Frankie had previously done for him, feeling the tears threatening to fall while his lip quivered. Dante's always been too emotional. It was the one thing he hated most about himself. The reason why he forced so much happiness into everything that he did, but recording music had taken a dark path for him. Ever since his grandma passed away he hadn't been able to get inside a booth properly. He could mess around, sing an old song and shake a couple feathers, but something in him wouldn't allow his music career to continue. Producing was as close as he'd allow himself to get while still finding joy in the thing he loved most. "I don't record anymore, Frankie. Haven't in a really long time." was all he could bring himself to say after the song ended. His hands still attached to his features out of fear of the moisture that leaked. "Yeah, let's do that instead." he swallowed, squeezing his hands to his face until he felt confident enough in his motion to wipe off all remnant of his weakness.

#frankie | interactions #frankie | dante #murder mention #yeesh!

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eddiemunsonswhxre · 2 years ago

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Hi! I crave Eddie angst so bad but I suck ass at writing, so here’s an idea, reader has verbally abusive parents who are nice to everyone so Eddie doesn’t notice and reader is ashamed to say anything because they feel like Eddie has it worse so it doesn’t matter (totally not projecting at all/sar) Anyway one day Eddie yells at them for something stupid and they just like shut down because that’s their trauma response and he freaks out cause they aren’t responding to anything. I need to read something gut wrenchingly devastating right now. Love your writing <3!

i feel this one too babe, love you the most <3

they're so nice / eddie munson

masterlist

one shot

cw: verbal abuse, genderneutral!reader, cursing, fighting, disassociation, ends with comfort

after a long time of dealing with your parents alone, you finally let your boyfriend in on what really goes on at home.

an: please be kind, some of this is pulled directly from personal experience. just because things seem unrealistic or too much for you, doesn't mean no one deals with things like this. if you are someone who has to put up with this terrible behavior, just know that i love you and you're nothing like what they try to tell you you are.

"I cannot believe this," your mother yells, throwing the report card down on the table. you flinch, knowing she wasn't going to lay a hand on you but each words hit like an axe.

your lip quivers as you open your mouth to respond. "i tried my best-" you were cut off.

"obviously not. a b, y/n, a b?! are you trying to embarrass us?" she scoffed, hands landing on her hips.

you sniffled. "the class was really hard and-" you tried again.

your mom was livid. "i bet chrissy and jason and nancy all got a's, didn't they?" she retorted.

"i-i don't know," you stuttered. she rolled her eyes, picking up the report card again as if it would've somehow changed.

you wiped your eyes. "jesus, y/n, i raised you to be better than this," she groans, taking a breath. "stop crying, you did this to yourself," she says once she notices the tears streaming down your face.

your dad scans your outfit as you stand by the door. "you need to go change," he mumbles finally and your eyebrows screw together.

you look down to your outfit, trying to see what was wrong with it. "why?" you ask and his face floods red.

"did you just question me?" he asks and you pale.

"i-i,"

he stands up from his chair. "i am so tired of you disrespecting me and your mother. it's ridiculous how incompetent you've become within the past year. i said change, so change," he yells, pointing up the stairs.

you stand there, trembling as you watch him. he scoffs, turning to his wife. "i told you, hun, our child is going down hill constantly. you wouldn't even know we raised them," he says.

"i can't believe you embarrassed us like that," your mother sneers from the front seat as soon as you pull out from the parking lot.

you just looked down to your nails, picking at them. responding would only do more harm than not. "that was downright terrible, y/n, i didn't pay hundreds of dollars for singing lessons for you to get third place," your dad snaps.

your eyes begin watering as you continue looking at your lap. "you are not my child," your mom snips, looking at you through the rearview mirror. the tears spill from your waterline at her words, heart tearing in two.

"thank you so much for having me, dinner was delicious," eddie smiles, shaking the hands of your parents. you smile from his side, glad this went well.

your mom gives him a big smile. "thank you, darling, you're welcome anytime," she says as he wraps his arm around your waist.

your dad gives him a nod of approval. "great to meet you, son," he says. your parents walk inside and eddie turns to you.

he raises his brows and places a kiss on your lips. "i don't know why i was so worried, your parents are so nice," he breathes a sigh of relief.

you force a fake smile on your face and nod. "yeah, they are," you whisper. eddie looks at the door, making sure they're no longer in view and pulls you in for a kiss.

this one lasts longer, more passion being poured into it. eddie finally pulls away and rests your heads together. "i'll see you tomorrow?" he questions, causing you to nod.

you head back in with a smile on your face, closing the door and walking to the living room. "eddie is such a sweet boy," your mom observes and you nod, happy they actually liked him.

"he's way too good for you," your dad comments and your smile falters. "and could you have dressed up any nicer, at all? i don't see how he'd want to be your boyfriend when you dress like that all the time," he points out, gesturing to your clothes.

"you could put in a bit more effort, y/n. someone like him has to have people all over him constantly, if you don't try harder, i wouldn't be surprised if he left you," your mom adds, sipping her glass of wine.

you blink as tears fill your eyes. "he-he loves me," you whisper. your parents look at each other before bursting into a fit of laughter.

your father slams the door behind him as you make a bee line for your room. "don't you walk away from me!" he yells, grabbing your mom's attention. he'd just been called to pick you up from school for being in a fight, you were suspended for two days. he grabbed you harshly by your shoulder, whipping you around. "what the hell is wrong with you, huh?" he asks and you just close your eyes. go to your happy place, go to your happy place.

"what happened?" your mother asked, crossing her arms.

your dad explained, yelling and jabbing you in the chest for emphasis. "do you have anything to say for yourself?" he yells in your face, spit flying. i did it for eddie, you say to yourself. people were making fun of eddie.

"how could you do something like this? be so stupid? you know what people will think of us because of you, right?" your mom yelled, coming over to join the yelling. when you don't respond she just glares. "i regret every second i wasted on trying to raise you," she grumbled. your heart was in pieces, but you were only half there.

your dad was fuming so bad he could have steam coming from his ears. "now you can't even talk? i can't believe you anymore. you know you were a mistake right? you are the worst mistake i've ever made, you know that? your mom and i could've had such a better life if you weren't here! you ruined it, you ruined it!" he screams at the top of his lungs.

your mom grabs him, feeling his pulse. "his heart is racing, you know how bad his blood pressure gets. you're going to give him a goddamn stroke and kill him. go to your room, i don't even want to see you," your mom hisses, pulling your dad away from you.

you and eddie had gotten in a fight. it was over something completely stupid, and you don't know how it even got this bad. but when he raised his voice causing your heart to drop, you shut yourself down like you've trained yourself so well to do.

"you want to make me the bad guy? fine. go ahead, y/n, go right the fuck ahead," he yells, spit flying from his mouth and making you flinch as he puts his finger to your chest. he doesn't jab, doesn't hurt you and pulls it away immediately to turn around and run his hands over his face. a chill runs down your spin at his tone, and something tells you he's not done. your eyes un-focus, everything going blurry as you seclude yourself to inside of your head. nothing can hurt you in here.

he turns to you, seeing you just standing there with tears in your eyes. "what? no response? you just gonna go quiet? well, i don't care. i don't fucking care!" he screams in your face but you don't even flinch. he lets out an unamused chuckle, rolling his eyes as you don't move.

he crosses his arms, watching you expectantly. "i'm waiting," he says, raising his brows at you. you slowly blink, but say nothing. he squints, looking into your eyes. he then realized they weren't even focused on his, they really didn't look focused on anything. he took a step towards you, following your eyes but you were just looking towards the blank space on his wall. "baby? hey, hey, look at me, please," he says, panic settling in his chest.

your focus doesn't change and you don't even acknowledge that he's next to you. "baby," he says, making himself eye level with you. he grabs onto your shoulders and shakes you slightly but still nothing. he feels his breath catch in his throat as panic spreads through his veins. what did he do to you? "hey, baby, come back to me," he says, shaking your particularly hard. "you're scaring me," he says, as he watches tears fall freely from your eyes but you are still unresponsive.

eddie moves his hands to your cheeks and begins stroking the tears away. "sweetheart, please, i-i don't know what's going on," he says, searching your eyes for answers. what the fuck did he do? he lightly taps your cheeks, trying to bring you back to him. "snap out of it," he grumbles in frustration, his own tears starting to build up.

"y/n, sweetheart, please," he begs, holding his forehead to yours. you hear his voice distantly calling to you from inside your head. "i don't know what to do," he says, a tear falling from his eye. you follow the sound of his voice and then you're blinking a couple times. eddie lets out a breath when he sees you finally look into his eyes.

you take a step back once you realize he's in front of you and wrap your arms around yourself, scared he was going to start yelling again. "s-sorry," you muttered, looking around in order to ground yourself again.

eddie looks at you, face full of concern. he walks up to you again and wraps his arms your waist. you go rigid and he pulls back slightly, more worry flooding his face. "what was that?" he asks softly.

your mind registers his tone and you immediately begin to relax into his touch. "what was what?" you mumbled, letting him rest his forehead to yours again.

"sweetheart, you just left me for a minute there," he says, trying to seek an answer from your widened eyes.

you blink, trying to come up with an answer. "you yelled at me," you whisper weakly and avoid his gaze.

eddie's heart stings at your words. "i-i know, baby. i'm really sorry and we'll talk more about that later but... that doesn't explain why you completely zoned out just then," he says, brining one hand up to push up your chin.

you close your eyes, beginning to shake slightly. eddie loved your parents. everyone did. if you told him, would he even believe you? "hey, hey, take a deep breath, y/n. please, calm down, it's okay, i've got you," he says, speaking quickly when he feels you trembling.

you remove your forehead from touching his and instead bury yourself into his neck. he holds you tightly, resting his chin on your head as he rubs your back. you take a few moments to gather yourself before responding. "it-it always happens when people raise their voice at me," you say into the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

eddie furrows his brows. who yelled at you so much that it forced you to start shutting down like that. he knew it wasn't him... you guys barely fought and it never resulted in him yelling like he had tonight. "who yells at you, baby?" he asks, bringing up a hand to pull you from his neck. you shake your head as you meet his eyes. "baby, you can tell me. i promise whoever it is, i'll beat their ass," he says, being completely serious but masking it with lightheartedness to make you more comfortable.

a small whimper leaves your lips. "you won't believe me," you cry and eddie frowns.

"sweetheart, yes i will," he says, bringing his hand forward to rest on the side of your face and wipe away some tears. you shake your head again and more tears spill from your eyes. "baby, tell me," he begs.

you sniffle and look away from him. "my parents," you whisper, closing your eyes as the aftershocks of you admitting it for the first time roll through you.

eddie freezes his movements and examines you. "your parents?" he asks, wanting to know how he never noticed. you nod, reaching up to wipe your nose. "they act so nice i-" he starts and you let out a sob. you knew he wouldn't believe you. eddie pulls you to him again. "baby, no, i believe you, i promise i do," he says, rocking you side to side.

"you do?" you ask insecurely and it breaks eddie's heart.

his hand holds the back of your head as he continues rocking you. "of course, i believe you. it's just a little hard to digest right now but i know you'd never say that unless it was true," he says.

you grip the back of his shirt tightly as you continue crying. "why didn't you tell me sooner?" eddie asks quietly.

"i didn't think you'd believe me, and i didn't want to worry you. you-you have enough going on," you admit and eddie presses a kiss to the top of your head.

you close your eyes, so glad to finally put it out there. "baby, i always want to know if there's something going on with you. i tell you everything and i want you to tell me everything too. i believe you and i'm going to be honest, i'm really really upset right now. fuck, i don't even know what they've said but i don't want you going back there," he says, tightening his grip on you.

you nuzzle into him but shake your head. "i have to go home," you whisper.

"not if i can help it," he says, causing you to let a small smile spread across your lips. finally, someone knew.

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