#got another color version with an entirely different mood so TESTING THE FIRST ONE on u

[sashagaier]

一人で

my art twt: http://x.com/sashagaier ✨

[ot3]

your last post made me think about how I loooove how you use color in your art, it's so vibrant and full of life and movement and expression! I was wondering if you had any advice on how to do color studies? perhaps doing drawings with limited palettes? or anything similar?

First things first, thank you, I really do appreciate comments like these! this post now also has a follow up for finish limited palette pieces

I'm obviously very fond of limited palette art and color studies/color thumbnailing are great ways to get that done. When people think limited palette there's often the association of unrealistic and fantastical color palettes, but learning to limit your color use absolutely applies to semirealism and just builds stronger color theory in general. I was planning to talk about limited palettes in more realistic color use in this post, but this already ended up way too long. If that's something people want to hear about I can talk about it later.

Color theory basics crash-course! I'm sure almost anyone who has colored anything is familiar with this, so I'll be SUPER brief, but I want everyone to be on the same page for this. Color has three qualities you need to take into account: Hue, saturation, and brightness. Hue is what we think of as the 'color'. Saturation is the vibrancy of this color; how bold or dull it is. Brightness is how light or dark the color is. Here's this all labeled on a color picker I stole from google.

As a rule of thumb, things that look good in color should look good in grayscale. Having a strong range of values (brightness) makes for a strong image. Keep this in mind when you're picking colors – knowing what areas need to be light and what areas need to be dark before you start coloring will make your life easier. I'm going to teach you when and how to break this rule later, but for now let's just talk about picking a palette. I've found five to seven different colors to be a really nice sweet spot for working with limited palettes.

There are three main types of color palettes ill work with and ill provide examples each of them. I expect you to all politely refrain commenting on the amount of homestuck fanart that's here.

Monochromatic, where the piece is all within one color family with slight variations in hue, and larger variations in brightness and saturation

Accent, which is essentially the same as a monochromatic type with the addition of a strong, contrasting secondary color in one or two variants. Normally the accent color is lighter and serves as a highlight. This is not any kind of a hard rule, but is instead just what I like.

Split. There are two (or more) main colors at play, each with a couple of different shades.

Cool. Now lets see how we'd go about making one of these palettes.

 I'm grabbing an inconsequential sketch i've already got and we're gonna slap some color on it. Let's start monochromatic – I've gone and just tossed six pretty random shades of green on it, picking what goes where based on what I want to be light and what I want to be darker. 

Keep in mind, by monochromatic, I don't mean just picking one color and making it lighter or darker! Adjust your hue within the same color family – some of these are very blue, definitely more blue than green, and some are much warmer and yellower. Play around. In this stage I like to have every color on a distinct layer, so I can just recolor the entire layer at once as I tweak the palette.

 On the right, I have each color lined up in order of lightest to darkest just so I can get a sense of what I'm working with. Lets go ahead and call this one thumbnail. Now I'm gonna group the layers, duplicate them, and flatten the copy. I'll shrink it down and shove it off to the side so I can compare it to the other ones I make later.

Okay, I did a few more almost completely arbitrary monochromatic palettes. Here they are compared with their grayscale counterparts. 

All of them have the same number of colors, and lights stay lights, darks stay dark, midtones stay mid consistent between all of them, but the range of values is different between them all. The difference in light or dark between each tone is different and it gives a different mood that you can see even in black and white. None of them is more 'correct' than any other, and it's all about establishing the tone and atmosphere you want. Experimentation is key.

Now lets try making this a complimentary palette. With a strong accent color, your accent should be placed at areas of importance. People are naturally drawn to contrast and when using an accent color in a piece it'll make that area stick out, so make sure you're placing your colors with intent. For this I went back to that first set of greens I had because it was my favorite. Since this palette is over all very dark, I am going to make my accent the lightest color, because that'll stand out more. In a lighter palette, try making your accent the darkest color. Once again I must stress these are not hard rules – there are very few hard rules in art at all – but these are very useful tips for getting emphasis in the right place. This is just an example piece so I'm not being huuugely thoughtful with how I'm placing the color. 

Here's the same image but with the lightest green just swapped out for a far more vibrant accent of yellow. Looks pretty terrible. I don't want all of the papers and blinds to seem so prominent. So let's scrap this and try a different approach. We're gonna instead add our accent as a sixth color to our palette.

By adding another color, I've added another level of detail. Figuring out how to manage detail isn't just dependent on how many colors you have, but this is already going to be ridiculously long so I'll spare you that spiel. This is another one of those things I'll talk about more later if people want to hear my #thots. Using the new yellow accent, I emphasized the eyes, the mug, and added some interior detailing to the objects on the table. I also decided to place yellow in some of the windows of the outside buildings, to add a bit more interest in that area, and to justify giving yellow back lighting to our little goblin lad here, which makes him stand out nicely.

A split palette makes things a whole lot more complicated. Now that you're gonna be working with two different base colors you don't just only have to worry about which one is lighter or darker, you have to worry about how the hues look next to each other. Lets work with an orange on top of our original green here. I picked two of the greens and replaced the darker one with a darker orange, and the lighter one with a lighter orange. Now our palette is six colors split 50/50 between orange+yellow, and green. 

But now something interesting is happening. Let's take a look. If you're particularly keen eyed, you might have noticed that there's a third set of colors here, using a greyish brown in place of the oranges. What's up with that?

Well, what's up with that is, they are orange. The palette on the far right is what happens if, instead of choosing my own oranges, I simply hue-shifted the bluegreens until they were technically orange in hue. 

The oranges I chose just based on how they looked without actually checking the value and saturation of actually changed the value hierarchy of the whole piece. The table, instead of being in between the objects stacked upon it in terms of brightness, is lighter than either. This isnt bad at all – there's absolutely nothing wrong here. It's just important to be aware of things like this! This is why I said a split palette is the most complicated of the three I'm talking about here – in many occasions, the hue hierarchy can top the value hierarchy. Keep that in mind for slightly later.

I think split palettes work really well for comics, and I like to make my comics with split palettes. Whereas with a single illustration, you can just putz around with your color thumbnails until you get something good, for a comic you're locked into your palette once you've done the first page. Unless you're some sort of insanely meticulous person, in which case I envy you, you probably don't have every single page of your comic blocked out with respective values and can't apply your palette to the whole thing at once to test it. This means you'll need a palette that's pretty versatile. Having a split palette where one of the hue sets is lighter than the other overall allows you to decide whether you're going to create an overall light panel with dark accents, or vice versa. I'm gonna compare two palettes I'm using for comics to make this point. 

Here's a sampling of the comic pages in full color, at 0% saturation, and adjusted for grayscale respectively. You'll notice a slight difference between the desaturated colors and the grayscale colors – grayscale seems to hold truer to the full color version, doesn't it?

Now, here are the palettes themselves, and some grids showing the relationship between every pair of colors. When you don't know exactly what you're going to be using any given palette for, the relationship between any two colors becomes more important than ever. The bottom palette is split three ways, red yellow and blue each with a light and a dark, and then a completely neutral dark gray color. I'm using it for a long ongoing ace attorney comic I'm drawing. The top one has 4 shades of blue that go from darker and cooler to lighter and warmer, then 3 shades of orange that get yellower as they get lighter. Underneath is just the values – you'll notice that the top palette has a larger value range, with its lightest color being lighter than that of the bottom palette, and it's mid tones spaced further apart. 

What you'll also notice about the bottom palette is that instead of the reds being lighter than the blues and darker than the yellows, the value alternates dark red dark yellow light red light yellow. Take a look at the color grids. You'll notice that for the most part, every color in the palette on the right looks good with every other color. That's not nearly as true for the palette on the left. The light blue has a weird vibration where it meets either of the reds, and a few of the pairings just aren't particularly pleasant. Honestly, from any objective ideas of color theory, this palette kind of sucks shit. Lets make some adjustments to it.

I've changed the dark yellow and light red hues so now the light red is slightly darker than the dark yellow. That's the palette that's on top now. Looks better, doesn't it? But so now the question becomes why am I using a palette that looks awkward, disharmonious, and visually strained when I know exactly how to fix it? The simple answer is because I wanted a color palette that's awkward. I wanted that visual strain. I have trouble working on comics and general, especially anything as long as this one, and I wanted a color palette that already meant things would come out looking a little bit wonky, so I wouldn't be as concerned with nitpicking all the details and making everything pretty. I think the sort of visual upset also fits the tone I'm keeping with a lot of the comic.

Remember earlier when I said I'd talk about breaking the rule of stuff looking good in gray scale and in color? That's now. Take a look at this image. 

Which of the three colors is darker: the red, blue, or yellow? The stupid truth of it is that there's not really a proper way to tell. All three are technically the same 'brightness' but our brain tells us that the blue is the darkest, and the yellow is the lightest. Why do our brains do this? Let’s make em gray now.

On the bottom you can see what the colors look like when they are set to 0% saturation; as you'd expect it's a homogeneous gray blob. So then what the fuck is going on with the grayscale one? The grayscale one is closer to the way our brains interpret the colors, but we know this to be an improper rendering of their respective values. Which is the correct version, then – the grayscale or the desaturation? Luckily, we're using a computer, so we can have photoshop tell us the exact balance of hue, saturation, and brightness of any given pixel. Let's take a look now.

Wait, huh? We can plainly see that all three of the colors are at 49% brightness. But neither the desaturated value or any of the 3 grayscale values have a brightness of 49%. So what does a brightness of 49% look like?

Okay. Sure. Why not.

All of what I've just shown you regarding grayscale is to emphasize the point that your best judgment for which colors look good is a far better measuring stick for a good color palette than any technicalities. Even if the value is the same, the hue can differ enough that you can still get a beautiful finished drawing. Color and our perception of it is so, so vastly technically complex. You can not allow yourself to be bogged down by this. Simply practice, and color will become intuitive to you over time. I have a lot more I could say on the subject of picking and using your colors, but this is already insanely long. Feel free to ask any follow up questions, I hope this was of literally any use!

[neutral-emerald]

SILVER THE COSMIC TIME-JANITOR (or: dude, what's with all the alternate futures)

silver the hedgehog has a very simple backstory. he's a kindhearted, sorta-naive but altogether very driven psychic hedgehog here to save the world by time-traveling to the past (also known as present-day) to prevent the apocalyptic future he was born into from coming to pass!

[ID: A screenshot of Silver from Sonic 06. He’s glowing with cyan energy as he flies over a dark, post-apocalyptic city.]

...wait, if he's time traveling 200 years into the past to completely change the shape of the timeline, how do the stars manage to align such that he manages to be born at the exact same point in the new timeline with the exact same genetics? how are his parents born? does silver have parents?? and how does he do this no less than THREE SEPARATE TIMES??!

hey everyone, i'm tumblr user neutral-emerald here to make good on the idea i vaguely gestured at yesterday and point out silver's wildly inconsistent backstory(s) and then explain to you how this isn't just sega playing hopscotch with the concept of time travel, but actually TOTALLY EXPLAINABLE if you don't mind a whole lot of conjecture and "fuck dude i just think it'd be cool."

LET'S GO.

before i get started, a few things to establish.

first, this is about… half serious, tops. it’s less of a theory and more of an observation of something that’s weird and then throwing some possible explanations at it because i am a massive sucker for time-based nonsense. if you wanna take my observations and build your own conclusions, go for it. i’m not your boss.

second, i'm basing my conclusions off of both the games and the idw comics. the conclusions i draw are applicable to either continuity, but the logic does rest a decent amount on the comics, so just a heads-up in case you were expecting pure game canon from this.

and third, i'm working off like half a brain and very intermittent checks of the wiki and cutscene compilations, so there's probably many things i'm missing! if you notice something i said was wildly off-base, go ahead and correct me in the replies and i'll either edit the post or explain to you just how that detail doesn't actually matter, depending on whether it. y'know. matters.

with that out of the way, let's get into the first topic of discussion!

part 1: the future is inconsistent, y'all

now, i'm not sure if you've heard, but in the year 2006 sonic team released this little indie game creatively entitled Sonic the Hedgehog. it was a smash hit, won countless awards, and for some reason went down in history as a messy, incomplete bugfest. but that's not what matters. what matters is that it introduced Silver the Hedgehog.

silver hails from 200 years in the future. the world is a bleak, fiery place, and has been since the monster iblis was unleashed after princess elise's death. silver was born into this world, which we know since it's literally the first thing he says in his story.

[ID: A cropped line from Silver's story in Sonic 06. "This world was devastated before I was born."]

i'm not going to drag you through a beat-by-beat summary of the entire plot of sonic 06, you should know it already. silver meets mephiles, gets lied to about who caused the apocalypse, mephiles yeets him and blaze into the past, he tries to murder Sonic the Hedgehog™, and so on. eventually he helps kill god, and then sonic and elise travel further back in time to kill god even deader so that none of the game ever happened, and the bad future into which silver was born never happened, thus thoroughly scrubbing silver's existence from the timeline!

...until.

sonic rivals.

i'm not going to speak much on sonic rivals, mostly because i'm not super familiar with it. but what matters is that silver is back! he's still from the future, he's still here to change the past, and most importantly he wasn't deleted from existence by the destruction of solaris, unlike everything else from sonic 06 including everyone's memories of it. and obviously, whatever state his future is in, it's not the same as it was in sonic 06.

now, i don't have a single clue what is going on in rivals 2, so do inform me if there's some big information i'm missing from that one. all i know is he's fixing yet another possible apocalyptic future, like always. correct me if i’m wrong, i don’t have the patience to trawl through it myself.

then we've got sonic colors, in which silver is again from the future. notably, he’s definitely not from an apocalypse!

[ID: Some screenshots from the DS version of Sonic Colors, again cropped to just the text. Tails and Silver are talking to each other.

Tails: What's the future you came from like, Silver? Silver: A lot brighter than this. Silver: The sky is blue, and everybody's got a smile.]

sonic generations doesn't add much. again, correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think we learn anything about what kind of future silver is from, and he's definitely not here to fix it this time. that's sonic's job! he's just hanging out like everyone else.

now, up until this point the future has been reasonably consistent, setting aside my somewhat abstract understanding of the rivals games. there's nothing to say that silver's not coming back in time from the same point in a single timeline, which is the one and only version of the future ever since the destruction of sonic 06.

UNTIL.

[ID: Two panels from the comic Sonic Forces: Stress Test. In the first panel, Silver looks worried as he lands in front of Knuckles, who looks skeptical.

Silver: We've got big trouble! Eggman— Knuckles: How can you be here? I thought you returned to the future?

In the second panel, Knuckles looks away with a self-assured grin, while Silver looks more panicked.

Knuckles: Oh wait— I must be dreaming! Silver: What? No! I've come back with a dire warning from the future!]

i have a lot of issues with sonic forces, especially with how its story is written. something i do NOT take issue with is the supplemental comics, mainly because they are WONDERFUL evidence for my crackpot time travel theory.

like i said, up until this point we don't really know whether silver has been experiencing separate instances of the future, or simply traveling back in time to prevent an also-time-traveling eggman nega from messing things up in the past. but here, we get some very juicy information:

[ID: Knuckles and Silver again. Knuckles has his arms crossed and is looking at Silver, who has a nervous look on his face as he slams a fist on the palm of his other hand.

Knuckles: Come again? Silver: Something happens that brings the world to ruin! But the historical records are sparse or make no sense. I came back to hopefully head off whatever's about to happen and save the future.]

silver travels back in time to prevent a terrible apocalypse. this is not the beautiful future silver came from in sonic colors— but this is the same silver. everyone recognizes him. he recognizes everyone. and yet, the future he came from is different.

part 2: silver is a walking paradox

allow me to remind you of what i pointed out when i was talking about sonic 06. silver was born into the iblis-apocalypse. considering no elaborate timeline nonsense happened to him before the events of the game (by his reckoning) i think we can safely assume he was born like a regular person with parents.

in the first post-06 timeline, silver was probably also born. let's be charitable, acknowledge that sonic team doesn't overthink the butterfly effect like i do, and say that silver was born to the same parents, because the universe likes to keep things nice and simple and contrive itself to make this particular character exist in this time period.

so, it's entirely fair that silver comes to exist in a post-06 timeline at the equivalent point in time, aka 200 years in the future. it's also fair that he travels back in time to prevent some kind of apocalypse, because that's his narrative role! it's what he does. when it's time for him to exist in the story, that's what he's there to do.

what isn't fair is the fact that it keeps happening.

[ID: A panel from the IDW comics. Sonic is stretching his legs while looking faintly exasperated at Silver, who is nervously holding his arm.

Silver: Er… No. I came back because defeating Eggman didn't save the future. Sonic: Couldn't even play along. Had to bring the mood down. Sonic: *sigh* Okay, what happened this time?]

[ID: The following panel, cropped to just Silver's text bubbles narrating over a starry sky.

Silver: When I left, my time had been conquered by the Eggman Empire. Everyone lived in fear, choking on polluted air. Silver: When I went back, the Eggman Empire was gone— but so was everyone else. Silver: There was nothing left. No people, no animals, no machinery. Only water and sparse, metallic plant life.]

allow me to summarize my understanding of all this: silver is from the future. normally, the future is good. sometimes it isn't. when it isn't good, he goes back in time and fixes things, then returns to the future to check if that fixed things.

the least conjecture-y interpretation i can come up with is that sometimes silver will go into the past, then go back to the future but end up in a Bad Timeline and thus go into the past again to fix things. there's no weird warping directly between bad timelines, he only gets there by way of the past.

but that's boring, so here's my PREFERRED interpretation.

silver hails from a good future, but sometimes it just changes. he's unstuck from time— if something weird happens in the past, he's the only one to know that the passage of fate was changed, because he went to bed in one timeline and woke up somewhere categorically worse, and the only way he can fix it is by figuring out just what caused this and going back in time to fix it.

or, to say it in a meme:

[ID: A picture of someone lying in a hospital bed with a nurse standing next to them, edited so that Silver is in the bed.

nurse: sir… you've been asleep for 2 hours silver: oh boy i can't wait to wake up in the same timeline i went to sleep in]

part 3: how did this happen?

it's one thing to point out that silver doesn't experience time like a normal hedgehog, and another thing to explain how and why this happens.

fyi, this is the part where i go wildly off the rails and start saying whatever i want. there's a ton of explanations one could come up with, most probably stemming back to sonic 06. i'm just going to go with my own, and probably not come up with a whole lot of concrete evidence because i'm just spitballing. this is me having a fun time. going "heeheehoohoo time traveling hedgehog go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

so. something i haven't touched upon is that in all games after sonic 06, silver can time travel. we never see him do it, it's never explained how he does it. all we know is that he's doing it under his own power.

which is kinda odd, don't you think? should he be able to do that?

in sonic 06, we see three mechanisms for time travel. first is the chaos emeralds. if two people perform Chaos Control with a chaos emerald apiece, they open up a swirling rift in the air which can send them to different points in time and space. silver can't be doing that, for obvious reasons— he's only one hedgehog, and he's not exactly running around with a chaos emerald at all times. that can't be how he does it.

second is a time machine eggman built. that obviously can't be it; the machine doesn't exist at all after the timeline gets wiped, and again, silver is doing this on his own. he's actively antagonistic towards eggman, even. absolutely not this one.

third and finally is mephiles, who can make big purple orbs to take himself and passengers to different points in time. this obviously can't be it either, for similar reasons to number 2, right? after all, mephiles is one half of solaris, who was destroyed before he could be split off. he doesn't exist to be silver's time-traveling uber driver.

...right?

well, obviously. i'm not going to try and tell you that mephiles is secretly alive and shepherding silver back and forth between timelines for no reason. that's ridiculous. no, i'm going to try and tell you that silver is mephiles.

or rather, he's solaris. or RATHER, he's the new solaris, sorta-ascended to the role of Time God after the old one got blown out like a birthday candle.

like i said, i'm going wildly off the rails and as such don't have any concrete evidence to explain why it's this instead of something else, but hear me out. after elise blew out the flame of hope, the universe was left in an interesting situation. someone needs to be in charge of the flow of time, but the previous time-god was just unceremoniously destroyed. but all the power and energy of a time-god has to go somewhere, in some form, in some time.

with nothing else to go off of, the role of time-god starts flipping through every notable being it had interacted with. they're all solidly accounted for in the timeline, except for one. silver the hedgehog was born into a timeline that cannot exist. silver the hedgehog does not, and cannot exist. silver the hedgehog interacted quite a bit with both sides of solaris— he spent a substantial amount of time fighting back iblis, and associated with mephiles, even being one of the few people to directly experience his time travel abilities. silver the hedgehog tried and failed to absorb iblis into himself.

here's my theory: after sonic 06, the universe reasserted itself such that silver was the new Solaris. silver is not consciously aware that this is what he is, but he knows that he can time travel. sometimes the timeline will rearrange itself around silver. he is unaffected by this because he is a higher being unaffected by such petty trifles as "an origin" or "paradoxes".

silver the hedgehog probably doesn't have parents. he sprang into existence one day and everyone just kind of went with it, himself included.

oh also something i thought was neat but couldn't think of where to put:

[ID: More cropped dialogue, this time from Team Sonic Racing.

Silver: I'm fine. It's just, something bad is gonna happen. I can't explain it. I just feel it. Blaze: Have your travels through time given you precognition? Silver: I don't know. Maybe they have. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.]

silver might be becoming psychic in a future-vision kinda way. that, or he’s riddled with anxiety. possibly both.

TL;DR

silver hails from no less than three separate timelines, his existence is a tangled web of who-knows-how-many grandfather paradoxes, and i choose to believe that he's god.

if anyone who cares more about evidence wants to gather up like, little one-off clues that support or conflict with my conclusions, go right ahead. or just throw your own arbitrary headcanons for what's going on with this at me. or incorporate these ideas into an au or something! i just want more people thinking about what the Fuck is up with silver post-06, because by god there is a WHOLE lot of potential packed in there

anyway thanks for reading make sure to like comment and subscribe—

[everlarkficexchange]

Fortune Favors the Brave

Written by: @ambpersand

For Prompt 46: Pacific Rim inspired AU with drift compatible Everlark (or not if you’re inspired by angst). I really just want to see more of that aspect of Pacific Rim explored than what they did in the movie and what better way to do it than with Everlark! [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Rated T. 

———————————————————–

Gale was supposed to be my drift partner. My co-pilot in the giant, nuclear-powered Jaeger that we’ve dreamed of controlling together since we were kids. We promised each other that’s how it would work out once we graduated from the academy. There wasn’t any other option. How couldn’t we get a match? 

Dropping my head into my hands, I let out a long groan. When that doesn’t help, I pull my hands forward, dragging them across my face until I can dig the tips of my fingers into my eyes.

We’re practically the same person. Raised from birth in the same town, in houses next to each other, we are mirrored versions of the same personality. Long lost siblings, our mom’s joked to each other. Especially since I looked more like Gale and his siblings than I did with my own sister, Prim. 

We both hate mushrooms and would rather eat cold leftovers for breakfast than cook eggs or eat the cardboard-flavored cereal they served in the mess hall. We’re light sleepers and early risers. Our tempers flare up at the same time, from the same triggers. We have the same sense of humor and we like the same music. The same movies. Food. Everything. I can tell what he’s about to say before the words can make it to his lips, and he can do the same for me. We’re one in the same. 

How could we not be drift compatible? 

“So who did you match with?” he asks, his voice rough from beside me on the bench outside the testing center. We just got our compatibility test results back, ranked from highest to lowest. I didn’t even bother to see who else was on my list–I just searched out Gale’s name first. Anything above a 95% was considered almost a perfect match. It was rare, but it happened. 90% was good, but the Jaeger Program would accept pilots at 85% or higher. The closer the match, the better the drift.

My score with Gale? 62%. 

We spent six months in the Jaeger Program together, being beaten down by the instructors and memorizing every bit of information we could about the Jaegers and the Kaiju that we would eventually face. Every night we sparred for hours, relentless in our determination. We saw our classmates get cut. Drop out. Abandon their dreams of being a pilot because it was too hard. Too much, they claimed while they packed up their stuff from the barracks. They settled for being technicians or strategists, even though we all knew it wasn’t the same. But we made it. We graduated together, we got our pilot pins together. We did this together. All of it. 

All for a measly 62%. 

“I don’t know,” I finally find the words to answer him. The match results are sitting by my feet, crumbled into a ball from my frustration. Reaching down to grab it, I smooth out the wrinkles and hand it to him. Right now, I don’t really care to look. 

“Oh,” the sound that comes out of his throat sounds more like a laugh than anything else, and I shoot him a confused look. He’s laughing? Right now? 

“Lucky you.” 

His shoulders are shaking with restrained laughter, and horror dawns in my stomach, crawling up my throat until it feels like I might stop breathing entirely. Whatever is on that paper, it must be bad. 

I snatch the results back from him in a quick move, but my hands are shaking as my eyes track across the printed words. Please don’t be him… Please don’t be him… 

Shit. 

I can feel the color drain from my face. My usually tan complexion is probably ashen white, and my lips feel numb. It takes every ounce of energy I have to force myself to swallow. To keep breathing. To not throw up my lunch on to the sidewalk in front of our other classmates who are currently celebrating their test results. 

I didn’t just get a good match. I got the highest match possible with the worst person I’ve ever met. 

Peeta Mellark. 98%. 

———————————————————–

He’s waiting for me when I get back to my bunk. I should have known he would. Maybe I did, and that’s why I’ve got my fists clenched in anger before I even round the corner to the hallway where my room is located. It’s been burning inside of me all day, flaming up every time I think about Peeta Mellark and my stupid, pointless test scores. 

The only sound in the hall are the soles of my boots slapping against the concrete floor, but he doesn’t look up at my approach. Of course he doesn’t, I think, grinding my teeth together. He’s so wrapped up in himself he probably doesn’t ever recognize anyone else is around him. His eyes are locked on his phone, his straight white teeth digging in to his lower lip while he reads whatever is on the screen. 

“Everdeen,” he greets me with a grin when I’m only a few feet away. Or rather, he says. Greeting me would be an overstatement, considering it takes him several extra seconds to drag his eyes away from his phone and up to my face after he speaks. “You’re a hard woman to nail down.” 

I’ve avoided coming back all day, and the sun set hours ago. Just like I got my test results this afternoon, any available and eligible pilots would have received their matches today as well. The Jaeger Program is constantly scanning for better drift matches. It’s done almost weekly, with every new crop of graduates and every new addition to the pilot database. It doesn’t matter if you’re already matched if a new, better match comes along. As far as the head of the program, Plutarch Heavensbee, is concerned, the stronger the connection, the better you fight. And a well equipped Jaeger fleet is only as strong as the pilots controlling the machines. 

Peeta Mellark and I just skyrocketed to the top of the program with our 98% match. 

It’s too bad, though, that he’s absolutely insufferable. 

“You’re in my way,” I give him a pointed look, ignoring the giddy smile that’s still stretched across his face. He’s leaning against the threshold to my room, blocking me from being able to reach the door handle. 

“What? No apology for making me wait?” he teases, either oblivious to my sour mood or completely uncaring. With him, it could go either way. 

“Nope,” I shake my head and shove my hand between his back and the door, grabbing the knob. In one swift move I wrap my hand around the metal and push it forward, smiling when he stumbles back a little. 

“Easy now… That’s no way to treat your new partner, is it? Wouldn’t want me falling and cracking my head open.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad to me,” I muse, dropping my bag on the small desk next to my bed. A small kernel of guilt nestles deep into my chest. I don’t like being mean. I really don’t. But he has a way of bringing out the worst in me, and it seems like everything he does or says is my own personal brand of torture. 

Ignoring my retort, he pulls out my desk chair and drops his body down into it. He dwarfs the entire thing, built with stocky muscle and broad shoulders. He’s not that tall, but he’s tall enough that he takes up too much space in my cramped room.

“Are you really telling me you’re not excited about our match?” 

“Yes, actually. That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” I grit my teeth and try not to look at him. I don’t know why he feels the need to invade my space, now, either. Unfortunately, I know what will happen if I try to kick him out. Absolutely nothing, because Peeta Mellark does what Peeta Mellark wants. So instead I sit down on my mattress, as far as I can get from him, and begin unlacing my boots. 

“Katniss, this is huge,” the incredulity in his voice is hard to miss. “No one ever gets a 98.” 

“It must have been a mistake,” we both know it wasn’t, but I’m still going to hold out hope. The test is never wrong, and it’s not about to start messing up compatibility matches now. 

Peeta huffs out a sigh, and when I glance up at him he’s staring straight at me. Was that noise to get my attention? His blue eyes are sparkling with what looks like happiness, and my mouth turns sour. It’s just another reminder of how different we are. He’s like a giant golden retriever, but so much more loud and brash and in your face. Never not joking around, strutting through the base like he’s so special. Like nothing can touch him. He’s happy. 

“Come on, you know you want to give me a chance. Give us a chance,” he lifts his ashy blond eyebrows in expectation, and I can’t stop the snort that slips out. 

“I really don’t,” my words are honest, and I see the moment they hit him. His eyes dim a little and his mouth twitches down slightly, but as soon as the frown appears it’s gone again. Expertly smoothed away and masked by that signature confidence he’s known so well for. Or cockiness, if we’re all being honest. 

There’s no doubt that Peeta Mellark is the best Jaeger pilot in the country. Even I can’t deny that fact, as much as I don’t like him. His hit counts are legendary, and he’s never missed a drop. Even through the training exercises and demonstrations he gave to the academy students, my class included, it’s clear that he knows what he’s doing. 

The only problem? He can’t keep a drift partner to save his life. 

“Katniss,” he says my name again, his tone pulling the syllables into a little melody. I hate it, and I don’t try to hide my glare at him. “You won’t even spar with me?” 

“No,” shaking my head, I sit back up and push my boots off one at a time. When my feet are finally free, I can’t help but wiggle my toes in relief. The standard issue uniform is uncomfortable at best, and the leather of my shoes are still stiff after months of wear. 

“Not even once?” 

“Not even once,” I stand and move toward the door. I can’t take having him in here any longer. It’s making my skin crawl, and I want to scrub my nails across my arms until I feel like myself again. “Now please leave. I have things I need to do.” 

Surprisingly, he listens. It’s a first, and I struggle to cover my shock at his sudden compliance.

“Fine, but I’ll be back,” he promises me with a wink. 

When he struts out of my bunk, I finally let out the breath I’ve been holding in my lungs. It’s the most I’ve ever spoken to him in one sitting, and the only time we’ve ever been alone…. And I’m not looking forward to when it happens again.

———————————————————–

That night, I can’t sleep. I toss and I turn so many times that it feels like my skin is starting to chafe from the friction against the rough, standard-issue barrack sheets. Every time I close my eyes, I see that damn list. Then, I see Peeta’s grinning face, and I get frustrated all over again. It goes on and on for hours, no matter how many times I try to direct my mind elsewhere or to focus on something else. I can’t. 

How could I match with him? Of all people? 

We couldn’t be any more different, and I don’t understand. I would have bet my entire life savings that I would have been matched compatible with Gale. It made sense. This? This doesn’t make one lick of sense and I don’t know how to begin processing it. 

The worst part is that once you’re a pilot, you can’t deny your drift partner. If you’re matched, you’re matched. You don’t get to be picky, and the only way to get a different partner is to find a better match. It’s either that or drop out of the program entirely. Which is not an option. Then again, neither is finding a new match. The likelihood of finding anyone above a 98% is impossible. Even Gale’s highest match was an 89%. Some people don’t even find eligible matches after graduating from the pilot’s program, and to have such a high result on my first shot? It’s likely that I’ll be stuck with him forever, or until one of us inevitably dies. 

Even though I tried to deny the test results earlier when Peeta was in my room, I can’t. Over the last few years, they’ve refined the process until it’s virtually flawless. It’s never been wrong before, and it won’t be wrong now. It would be stupid to try and believe otherwise. The tests look at every possible aspect of your personality, analyzing and categorizing you until you’re just a series of traits. There are thousands that it ranks you on, taking into consideration the tiniest of details and adding them up into one profile that gets added to the compatibility database. 

Your memories. Your experiences. Good and bad, it looks at everything. No stone is left unturned. It reviews your temperament, your fighting techniques, your natural dispositions and your best skills. The test itself takes an entire week to complete, and it spans from memory puzzles to written essays to physical sparring matches. It even takes into consideration references from the academy, and how you interact with other pilots. Simulated Jaeger drops complete the test, but at that point it’s just a formality. 

I know I’m good. Gale and I both are, and we graduated at the top of our class. Even our instructor, Haymitch Abernathy, couldn’t disagree. We had the highest simulation kill rates in the last five years. Which, coincidentally, was when Peeta Mellark graduated from the program. 

It’s the only thing we have in common. 

Everything else, we’re polar opposites. I wouldn’t consider myself petite, but I’m small enough. Him? He’s easily 10 inches taller than me, with stocky muscles and a body made for brute force. I’m lithe and quick on my feet, trained from a young age when Gale and I used to have to hunt for food to feed our families. After both of our dads died during a Kaiju attack on the coast, the two of us had to step up and fill the gap.

Peeta? He grew up in a happy home. Or at least, it sure as hell looks happy. It was normal at the very least, as everyone knows when his parents give tearful interviews on TV about him and how wonderful it is to have a son that’s out fighting for the safety of the world. As if there’s no one else out doing the same thing, and the entire Jaeger program is resting on his shoulders. 

Ugh, I roll my eyes in the dark of my room. 

I’m confident, yeah, but I’m not cocky like he is. I would never go around bragging about my drop/kill rates the way that he does. Or boasting every time he loses a partner that it’s “for the best, because he’s the best.” If my memory serves me, he’s never had a drift partner last longer than a year, and he’s gone through six since graduating from the academy. They’ve never been higher than a 90% match, either. 

Not that I was paying attention. 

With a heavy sigh, I twist my body around in the thin blanket until I’m laying on my back again, then push myself into a sitting position. There’s no sense in trying to pretend I’m going to fall back asleep. If it hasn’t happened yet, it wont, and I need to do something with the restless energy that’s coursing through my limbs. 

With ease, I get dressed in the dark, pulling a pair of clean shorts and a t-shirt from my dresser. That’s something else they taught us, back at the beginning of the program. Get dressed fast, because there’s no time to waste if a Kaiju crosses the breach at 2 AM. 

Shooting off a quick text to Gale, I pull on my running shoes and lock the door to my room as I head toward the gym. Even though there’s still an hour or so before dawn, he’ll likely be up soon. I can get in a few miles on the treadmill, and then practice sparring techniques until he shows up and we can do our regular workout together. 

Pulling a deep breath into my chest, I try to settle my raging nerves and focus on what changes I want to make to my workout routine today, instead of the impending drift training with Peeta Mellark. 

———————————————————–

He only gives me three days of space before tracking me down again. I’ll give him credit for lasting longer than I would have bet, because I expected to find him camped outside of my room on more than one occasion. 

Then again, I have been avoiding him, so maybe I didn’t make it easy. 

Gale immediately jumped into training with his new partner, Thom, which has left me with more free time than I’ve had since enlisting in the academy. Training with your new partner means spending almost every available moment with them. Eating meals together, exercising, sparring practice… Anything to give you insight into who they are and what it’s going to be like when you get hooked up for your first drift. Everything I’m not doing with Peeta.

Even though the pilot academy had us doing weekly drop simulations, the Jaeger Program keeps the drift technology under lock and key. Only certified pilots are cleared to drift, and from all the stories in our history books… It’s dangerous. Not as much as it used to be, but dangerous enough that only certain types of people are cut out for it. 

People like me and Peeta, apparently. 

Back before they refined the technology that enabled two minds to link up into one massive machine, the Jaeger Program lost a lot of pilots. Some to brain aneurysms and strokes, because the neural load was too much, and others to madness. They learned pretty early on that it’s too much for one brain to handle on their own, but you can’t just throw two people into the drift together and expect it to be okay. When you link up with a drift partner, you see everything about them. The things that make them who they are, the events that shaped them into the person strapped in to the Jaeger beside you, facing down death and destruction. It feels like you’re there with them. It feels like you are them. You see the innermost workings of their minds, and see what they are thinking before the thoughts can translate into words. In the drift, you take a little bit of themselves into your mind, and they do the same in return. 

So if it’s not a good match? You’ll never be the same. 

I can’t imagine what Peeta’s mind looks like after six partners. I’m sure it will be utter chaos as soon as we link up, and I can only theorize on the types of things I’ll see. Flashes of his memories, definitely. Probably some from his childhood, and others during the academy. Not only does he have a reputation as a cocky pilot, but he’s a playboy to boot. I’ll see him sleeping with half the female population on the base. At the thought, I shudder. It’s a worse reality than knowing I’ll see what it’s like to face a Kaiju in the middle of the ocean. 

That, I can handle. I’ve studied the pictures and the videos. I know that they bleed toxic blue sludge and scream at ultrasonic frequencies that will burst windows and fry electronics. They’re big and brutal and deadly. I’ve spent years learning about them, starting in school when they added the first attacks to our history books. After my dad’s death, I grew up with a desire for vengeance burning in my chest to finish as many of them as I can. I’ll die in a Jaeger, if it means I can protect another child from having to experience the same grief and trauma I did. 

Hearing about Peeta Mellark’s sexual escapades are one thing. Seeing them and feeling them as if I’m him? It’s enough to make my stomach churn. The overwhelming nausea only increases when I realize the reality of the situation…. If I have to see all of Peeta’s dirty little secrets, he’s going to see mine too. 

Oh god. He’ll see the awkward kiss that Gale and I shared in the woods. When his lips were so cold from the morning frost they felt like ice cubes against my own, and I laughed through my nose at how strange and wrong it felt. He will see the day that my mom sat me down and told me that my dad was dead, and that his body was never recovered so we couldn’t even have a burial. He’ll know the sharp stomach pains that I felt when I realized my mom was too depressed to go grocery shopping, and that I would have to do something about it if we wanted to survive. 

He’ll know the nights that I laid awake in the too-small room I shared with my sister, listening to the steady whispers of her breathing while I wondered what it would be like to survive. To succeed.  

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t even see him when he comes into the gym. Or when he leans against the wall, watching me as I finish out my three mile run. My eyes are straight ahead, burning holes into the wall while I think about all the ways my life is about to get turned upside down. 

It was always supposed to be Gale. 

“Wow,” Peeta’s voice jolts me out of my reverie, and my left foot catches on the belt of the treadmill. My feet stumble a little but I right myself quickly, sucking in a deep breath and slapping the emergency stop on the machine. My heart feels like it might burst through my ribcage and out of my chest completely, but I cover my surprise with a hard scowl in his direction. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone frown so hard before. I’m almost afraid to ask what you’re thinking.”

“Then don’t,” snatching my water bottle from the holder, I step off the treadmill and move toward the door, but his words stop me. 

“It’s just a matter of time before I see it for myself, anyway.”

I can’t stop the flash of anger that makes me turn on my heel and march right up to him, crowding his body against the wall. I’m small, yes, but I’ve got more anger than he does.

He steps back a little, pressing his body into the wall, but looks down at me with an amused expression, like he’s waiting. Waiting for what? To see what I do next?

“Leave me alone,” I demand. 

“I have,” he shrugs, completely unbothered. “I gave you three days. It’s time you get your head out of the sand so we can start training.”

“I’m not training with you,” I spit back, crossing my arms over my chest. It’s still heaving with exertion from my run, and I’m fairly sweaty, but I don’t care. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were dropping out of the program. My apologies,” the smirk that stretches across his face is so smug that I have to refrain from throwing my water bottle across the room. 

He’s got me backed into a corner, and there’s nothing I can do. I either train with him, or I drop out. I knew what the stakes were when I enrolled in the pilot program, I just didn’t realize I’d get screwed so hard. 

“Not today,” I shake my head and move to leave. I need more time. 

“Then when?” he laughs, following me.

“I don’t know.” 

I only make it halfway to the door before his large hand wraps around my wrist, halting my steps. 

“That’s not good enough, and we both know it,” when he speaks, his voice is low and rough. 

“Let me go,” I yank at my wrist, but he doesn’t give. 

“No,” he replies, and when I turn my head to glare at him, his eyes are sparkling. 

“You know, I heard a lot about you from Plutarch. And Haymitch. They said you were good.”

I don’t understand why he’s telling me this, and I try to back up a step but he pulls me closer instead. 

“But I didn’t take you for a quitter.” 

His words hit me like a punch to the chest, and the water bottle in my opposite hand drops to the floor with a clatter. 

“You–” I start, snarling the words as I rear back to punch him. But he’s too quick, catching my fist with his other hand, as easily as he might catch a ball during a game of toss. 

“There she is,” he laughs a little, watching me as I struggle. He’s too strong, and with my hands locked in his palms, I’m almost helpless. Almost. 

Continuing to pull with my upper body, I wait a moment until it looks like he’s distracted by holding me still. His arms are big, yeah, and roped with muscle…. But his center of gravity is a lot higher than mine. 

Dropping low, I sweep my leg out, catching his ankle with my foot and knocking him down to the ground. He lets out a grunt, releasing my hands to catch his fall, but I’m too slow to scramble away. My limbs are already feeling heavy from my brutal run, and he takes advantage of my slower pace by yanking me down on top of him.

It turns into a scuffle almost immediately. When I go to roll off of his body and on to the floor so I can get back up, he locks his leg around my waist and twists his torso. I know what he’s doing–he’s trying to get me pinned. It’s the same move I typically use on Gale, and it’s not exactly in the sparring rulebook. Unfortunately for Peeta, I know how to get out of it easier than he does. 

With a quick shift of my weight, I pull my leg up and press my knee against his chest, using the leverage to push him up and off with a heavy grunt. Just because he’s bigger doesn’t mean he’s going to get the upper hand. For all his strength and power, I’ve got speed and flexibility. The force of my shin on his abdomen causes him to let out a rough groan, but I don’t get anywhere that fast. He latches his arms around me and rolls backward, taking my body on top of his.

His biceps are like iron grips around my torso, and we pause at the same moment, breathing heavy and in sync. 

“You’re a little spitfire, aren’t you?” he doesn’t sound mad that we’re wrestling around on the floor like a couple of children. He sounds amused. 

“Screw you,” I hiss between clenched teeth, bucking his hold. Or at least, trying to. I don’t get far, but I manage to loosen his hold enough to get one arm out and press it against his throat. 

“Let me go,” I demand.

“Is that all you’ve got?” he wheezes, trying to suck in air while I press down hard on his windpipe. In a flash, I’m back on the floor, my back hitting the polished concrete with a dull thud. The only thing keeping me from smacking my head against the floor is the strain of my neck, keeping it upright while I struggle to get my footing. His weight is pressing me down and he moves into a hold position, swinging his legs around to the side and pressing down on the tops of my thighs with one heavy knee. 

“No,” I know if I can twist myself around to my stomach, I can leverage myself up and back. The move will push him off me, and I’ll have all the power. If I wasn’t afraid of getting a citation and being put on bathroom cleaning duty, I’d throw in a headbutt to disorient him. 

And to give him a bloody nose. 

Pushing my arms out, I loosen his hold just enough to make room so I can turn around underneath him. It’s stunted by the fact that he’s pressing his entire weight down on top of me, and I pull a shoulder muscle in the process, but I get there. 

“Not so fast,” he manages to catch on to my maneuver and shifts his body the rest of the way on top of mine, pressing me down completely flat. 

Shit. He’s easily got a hundred pounds on me, and I can’t move. I’m plastered to the floor, sweaty and exhausted, and I can’t even lift my hips by an inch. When I try, I suck in a deep breath to hide the gasp that rises up my throat–Peeta’s hips are pressed into my backside, and I can feel everything. He’s not hard, but the outline of his penis is obvious enough through the thin material of our workout clothes. 

“Let me go,” I grunt the words out again, trying my hardest to get out from underneath him. I barely move an inch, and he laughs. 

“Is this what you’ve been running from? You don’t want to spar with someone who’s on your level?” 

“You’re not on my level,” I try, but it comes out weak. We’re evenly matched, as much as I don’t want to admit it. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t be wrestling around on the dirty gym floor. We’re highly skilled, trained fighters. One of us should have won the match immediately. 

“I am and we both know it. Hawthorne, on the other hand…” he trails off, musing to himself like he’s not practically laying on top of me. 

“Don’t talk about Gale,” I snap, shoving my shoulder back. It bumps him in the head, but he only tightens his hold. 

“Why not? Your precious boyfriend isn’t that good. I’ve seen the way you whip his ass every time you guys spar. It’s not even a contest,” he says the word contest like it’s an insult, what Gale and I do. And sure, maybe I am a better fighter than Gale, but that doesn’t mean he’s bad. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I don’t know why I feel the sudden urge to clarify that to him, and I regret the words as soon as they fall from my lips. Peeta must be processing the words, and in his moment of confusion, I know what I have to do. I have to do what he least expects, because that’s the only thing that can take him by surprise. It’s the only thing that would take either of us by surprise, and it’s the one thing that we’re hardwired to never do. 

I give up. 

I go completely limp underneath him, letting the air rush out of my lungs on a heavy sigh. My arms go slack and my legs stop twisting, and I feel my heated skin melt into the hard floor beneath my body. 

“What the–” Peeta’s sudden confusion isn’t lost on me. It’s the first time I’ve given up a fight since enrolling in the academy. 

“That’s it? You’re giving up?” 

“Please let me up,” I try for a nice tone, but it’s ruined by the fact that I’m grinding my teeth together. I’m sure I’ll have a hell of a headache to show for it, but I just want him off of me. 

“Promise me you’ll come to training, then.” 

“Fine,” I sigh after a moment of hard silence. I’ll get a summons if I don’t, anyway. 

With a slight huff, Peeta rolls off of me and extends his hand. Shooting him a hard look, I press my palms on to the floor and push myself up, ignoring the offer. 

“Plutarch wants to push up our training schedule. He wants to get us in the drift immediately.” his words stop me in my tracks.

“What?” taking a step back from him, I look around. There are only a few people in the gym at this hour, and they’re all avoiding looking at us. Probably because we just made a huge scene, and they’re just waiting for us to leave so they can all start to gossip. 

“We aren’t supposed to drift until after we train together. To see if we work,” I shake my head, like I might be able to dislodge the outrageous statement he just told me. It’s too soon–we need time first. 

“Maybe for the others. But we’re a higher match than anyone else in the program, and I’m the best ranked pilot in the entire country. There’s no sense in wasting time.” 

“God, you’re cocky,” reaching down to pick up my discarded water bottle from the floor nearby, I shake my head. 

“Yeah, well, get used to it. I’m yours now. And you’re mine.” 

This time, he doesn’t wait for my response. He walks away, sauntering through the gym and out the double doors before I can pick my jaw up off the ground. 

———————————————————–

I’ve got another new reason to add to my list of why I can’t drift with Peeta Mellark, and it’s because as soon as we connect, he’s going to see the effect he had on me. That when he walked out of the gym two days ago, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way his body felt on top of mine, and how, for once, his swagger was enough to make me feel a little weak. 

And I think I might be sick because of it. My stomach is rolling, and acid is burning at the back of my throat as I walk through the Shatterdome. It’s total chaos in here, with Rangers and Jaeger technicians running from machine to machine. Right now, there are four massive Jaegers stationed inside, ready and waiting. 

And one of them belongs to Peeta Mellark. 

There aren’t that many pilots in the program. In total, it’s a little over 15, now counting me and Gale. It’s a ranked system, with the best and most established pilots getting their own Jaegers. Gale and I would have been at the bottom of the list, too, as new graduates. I suppose he still is, but I’ve managed to cheat the system somehow, even if it wasn’t intended. 

Two of the Jaegers are dedicated to pilot teams, including the one that I’ll be joining Peeta in today. It’s a big hulking thing, with a nuclear reactor nestled in the chest and cannons attached to each arm. It’s an older model, a Mark V, but it’s strong and sturdy. The second one is manned by Finnick Odair and Johanna Mason, and as a team they’re both about as ruthless as they come. They’re cunning and fast, and the Mark VI machine is made for speed. Aside from Peeta, they’re the best in the country. They’ve been at it longer than he has too, by several years and a few extra kills.

The other two are kept as backups, and when the Breach Alarm sounds, they’ll be filled with whoever is stationed on base and the most qualified. It’s a last line of defense, and if Peeta or Finnick and Johanna do their jobs right, they won’t need to be deployed. 

I guess that means me too, now.

“You ready?” my old instructor, Haymitch Abernathy, comes limping toward me as I’m stuck staring up at the massive machines. I’ve seen them in person before, and it’s never short of breathtaking. The pure power is undeniable, and if I were the type to cry… Well, it’s a good thing I don’t wear mascara. 

“As I’ll ever be.” 

Haymitch used to be a pilot, back when the Mark II machines were considered state of the art. But after his partner died in combat and he was left to pilot the Jaeger back to safety with a crippled leg, he’s never stepped foot back inside one. Now he’s just a gruff instructor who likes to give me shit. 

“Why are you here, anyway?” I ask him when we step into the elevator that will take us up to the loading platform. The drift tech is nestled deep inside each Jaeger, and the best way to drift with your partner is inside the machine you’ll be piloting. 

“To make sure you didn’t kill him before getting into that machine,” Haymitch flashes me a wry smile, and heat creeps up the back of my neck. 

“That obvious?” 

“I had a feeling from the first day you stepped foot into my classroom.” 

The choked noise that erupts from my throat makes him chuckle, and my mouth drops open as I sputter for words. 

“Don’t get yourself all worked up about it now,” he shakes his head, cutting off whatever denial I was about to come up with. “It was just a hunch. Gale’s a good guy, but…”

“But?” I shake my head, waiting for his answer. The elevator doors open to the loading platform, but I’m not going anywhere until he gives me some sort of explanation. 

“You’re fire. And so is Gale. And you know what happens when you burn too hot? You either explode or you extinguish yourself entirely.” 

He walks right past me, limping along like there’s nothing ridiculous about what he just said. I follow before the doors can close and separate us and catch back up in a few swift steps. 

“Your partner is supposed to be someone who’s just like you. Who can anticipate your thoughts before you can even finish thinking them. Who knows you, inside and out.” 

“You learn who your partner is through the drift, Katniss. Not beforehand. And your partner isn’t supposed to be just like you. Your partner is supposed to be there to compliment you. To make up for your weaknesses with their strengths. And so you can do the same for them.” 

“That’s ridiculous,” I try to argue, but he shakes his head and stops me with a hand on my shoulder. 

“Get your head out of your ass. I know I taught you better than that.” 

He leaves me behind again, making his way toward the control room without a look back. The technicians behind the control desk will be monitoring our drift. They won’t be able to see everything that we do, but they’ll be able to watch how our bodies react. They’ll see our vitals as they spike and drop, as we rush through a lifetime’s worth of memories in just a few seconds. 

“Katniss Everdeen?” a tall woman pokes her head out from a door nearby, catching my attention. “We’re ready for you.” 

Behind that door is where I’ll get suited up with a specially designed set of full body armor, made exactly to my measurements. Casted out of lightweight carbon fiber, it’s rigged with the latest and greatest technology to keep me safe. To keep my brain connected with Peeta’s, and our bodies connected to the Jaeger. 

With a deep breath, I summon what little bravery I can find and walk through the door. Once inside, I come to a full halt. Luckily, Peeta isn’t in here, but it seems like half of the Shatterdome is. It’s packed full of people, bustling around like mad. A smaller man comes rushing from a door to the left with a helmet tucked in his hands, while another begins detaching hoses from the armor that’s hanging against the far wall. Hydraulic fluid. I recognize the color, and I wonder why they’re doing a full service on the drift suit since this is just a trial run. It’s a bigger deal than the simulations we go through, but it’s not like they’re preparing for a drop. 

“What’s the deal?” I manage to catch one of the armor technicians as he passes by, wrapping my fingers around his upper arm. 

“The suits always have to be ready to go. Just in case,” he shrugs out of my hold and continues on his way, hurrying toward the control desk. 

“Are you ready?” the same woman who pulled me from the hall takes a long look down my body. “You’re going to need to undress down to your underwear, please.” 

In here? I think, my eyes darting around at all the people, but before I can argue she purses her lips. 

“Come on, we don’t have all day. You better get used to it if you want to be a pilot.” 

Shit. With a sigh, I reach down to untie my boots, kicking them off one at a time, before following with my pants. As soon as my shirt has been pulled over my head, another tech comes and sweeps away my pile of clothes. I guess that’s that. I try to resist the urge to cover my stomach with my arms, and press my shoulders back instead. This is it.

“Okay, let’s get you ready to drift, pilot,” her face warms a little when she smiles, and I soak in the title. 

Pilot. 

It takes three technicians to get me dressed in my armor, but I’m surprised once it’s all on. It’s lighter than I expected, and I can move around freely in a way that I didn’t think would be possible. 

“Ranger Mellark is ready to go, Captain,” the same tech that collected my clothes comes by again, this time wearing a headset. 

“Copy, tell them we’re headed to the loading platform,” the woman beside me answers, straightening to her full height and resting a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go.” 

As we walk out of the room, I catch sight of her nametag. It’s situated on her left breast above a stack of medals and commendation pins. 

Paylor. 

“Any parting words of wisdom?” I ask when we approach the loading dock and she stops at a wide yellow line on the floor. Past that line is the interior chamber of the Jaeger, where my co-pilot is waiting for me. Where everything is about to change. Everything I’ve been waiting for has led to this moment. Everything I’ve worked for, hoped for, and dreamed about. 

My palms are beginning to sweat, and I pull in a shaky breath. With a smile, Paylor pushes me forward. “Good luck.” 

Peeta is waiting for me in the main chamber, with his back to the door. He’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, shaking out his arms and stretching his neck as he gets ready to step into the mechanisms that lock our bodies into the Jaeger. There are two techs ready and waiting to help us step into the controls, but he turns to me before they even catch that I’ve entered the room. 

“Katniss,” he smiles, and a strange warm sensation floods my system. 

“Peeta,” I nod, unwilling and unable to muster a smile. The warm sensation morphs into something else, rolling over my stomach like ocean waves against a buoy. Don’t get sick. Don’t get sick. 

“Did Haymitch have to drag you here, kicking and screaming?” he asks, even though his face is lit up like a little kid on Christmas Day. He might be giving me shit but he’s completely alive right now, in his element and ready to drift. 

“Is it that unlikely that I would show up on my own?” I avert my eyes forward and step into place, locking my feet into the metal stirrups that control the lower half of the machine. 

“Yes,” his answer is blunt, and he follows my movements. As soon as we’re locked in, the armor technicians come around and pull our helmets over our heads, securing them into place. 

“How many summons did you get?” his next question is louder in my ear because of the comm system in the helmets, and I wince at the sudden noise. 

“Just one.” 

There’s no sense in trying to lie. He’ll see for himself soon enough. 

“Ready?” he asks, giving his technician a thumbs up. I repeat the action with my own and nod, even though he’s looking straight forward. 

“I guess so,” the words barely make it out of my mouth before the countdown begins, crackling through the earpiece speaker. 

“Drift initiating in five… four… three… two…” 

Peeta interrupts the countdown in a low whisper. “See you on the other side, Everdeen.” 

“One.” 

With a jolt of electricity, my body seizes up. It’s like being struck by lightning, but instead of my vision going black, it’s pure white. Flashing images and noise flood my system, and I can’t make out a word of it. I can’t hear anything through the sudden chaos, but I feel the gasp as it rushes into my lungs. As soon as I manage another breath, the images start to get sharper, morphing into recognizable scenes. 

A little blond boy, being hugged by his father. Peeta. Then he’s laughing and running through an empty yard with two older boys who look a lot like him. Brothers?

It flashes again, changing suddenly. He’s cowering in the corner, clutching his arm. It looks odd and bent at a weird angle, and he’s trying to shield his body away. There’s screaming, but I can’t make out any of the sounds, until a woman comes at him with a large wooden rolling pin. 

Don’t chase the rabbit, don’t chase the rabbit. I try to resist the pull… if you pay attention to the memories too much, you could get stuck in them. 

“You’ll never be as good as them. Your brothers have always been better than you. I don’t even know why you keep wasting your time,” the same woman is looking at Peeta now, but he’s older. Almost an adult. And he’s got a book in his hands… about Jaegers? “I need to at least try,” he tells her, but she laughs at him instead. 

I shake my head, but it doesn’t dislodge the memories. I have a sinking feeling that the woman I’m seeing is his mother. From my recollection of the television interviews, it looks a lot like her… This version is just younger and less grey. 

“Peeta Mellark!” he’s greeted by sudden applause at the academy graduation ceremony, and he’s decked out in his dress uniform. His satisfaction is hollow though, and empty when he looks out across the crowd and doesn’t see any familiar faces. 

A sudden flash of lightning and a force rocks me back on my heels. No, it’s the memory. He’s locked into the Jaeger, stepping back into position with his partner. The Kaiju has swept it’s tail round, knocking the side of the machine with brute force. It’s trying to take them down into the ocean. To drown them– “No!” both Peeta and his copilot shout at the same time, fighting back as one. “Get ready!” he shouts, pulling forward the controls. They’ve got one shot left in the cannon, and if they don’t hit the beast right in the middle of it’s bulky body… Thousands of people will die. Easily. 

The floor stabilizes, and the images blur again. “Your partner has been reassigned,” Plutarch Heavensbee rests a hand on his shoulder, apologetic at the news. “Again?” Peeta can’t help but sigh, and the rejection stings like a knife in his stomach. I can feel it, and my hands clutch at my abdomen, even though there’s nothing there. “The right match will come up one day, just wait. You’re too good to go solo,” Plutarch tries to joke, but Peeta can’t even muster a smile. 

Damn, she’s good. The voice in my head is now Peeta’s, but I see… myself? 

He’s watching me spar with Gale, I realize. We’re wrestling on the floor of the academy training center, and my hair is pulled back in a tight braid. I remember this day… It’s the day he came to speak to our class about what it was like to fight off a 2500 pound Category 3 Kaiju. “She’s pulling her punches for him,” Peeta whispers to the man next to him. Haymitch? “I know,” he responds. “But you can’t tell her that.” “She’s not going to get any better if you keep babying her.” “You think I’m babying her?” Haymitch laughs, but Peeta’s eyes go back to me. I’m grappling with my legs wrapped around Gale’s torso, my elbow driving in to the back of his neck. “God, she’s magnificent.” 

The last words fade, and I realize he didn’t speak them out loud. He’s thinking them right now. I suck in a breath, but the vision falters to a final scene. 

“Oh god,” the words are more of a moan than anything else, and Peeta laughs deep in his chest. “Be quiet,” he shushes her. “Before someone hears you.” He’s trailing kisses over a woman’s neck, but I can’t see her face, They’re locked in a dark closet somewhere, cramped between shelves, but that doesn’t stop them. He’s grinding his hips into hers, and her legs are latched around her waist while she writhes against him. When his lips find the spot on her neck that makes her clench, he laughs again. 

“Katniss,” I hear him speak, but I’m too focused. I can’t look away, even though there isn’t much to see. I can feel everything. His desperation. His desire. All of it. Buried deep underneath the haze of lust, though, is something else. Something smaller and harder to pinpoint. It feels dull and achy, like a scar that didn’t quite heal right. 

“Come on,” I hear him murmur into her ear. “You love it, don’t you?” “I do,” she cries, raking her nails down the back of his neck. I can feel the warmth flooding my system like I’m right there with him. Like I’m her, whoever she is, and I shudder in a ragged breath. It’s so good, and it seems so close–

“Katniss!” Peeta shouts into my earpiece, and I suck in a breath like I’m breaking the surface of the ocean. It feels like I’ve been drowning, and as soon as my eyes pop open, I realize that I must have closed them. I’m out of the haze of his memories, back in the middle of the Jaeger with him. In person. Not a memory. 

“You chased the rabbit,” he chides, and the heat that floods my face is second only to the raging fire between my legs. “See anything good?” he laughs, but I know that he knows. 

Now that I’m not submerged in 25 years worth of his memories, I know what he saw of mine. Prim following me around when we were just kids, when she still carried around the stuffed yellow bear that was her favorite. The day my dad died, and when Gale and I started hunting together. The promises we made. My first day at the academy, when I thought I might faint at the sight of a jar of Kaiju blood on my instructor’s desk. When I got the news that Peeta was my partner, and the strange heat I felt after we sparred in the gym. 

“Drift successful. Pilots, you are now linked,” the technician’s voice filters through the earpiece, tinny from the control room transmission. 

“Well, well, well,” I hear Peeta say, but when I look at him, there’s more written on his face. It’s clear as day, but it takes me a minute… no, the emotions that I’m sensing aren’t on his face at all. They’re in his head, and so am I. 

The worst thing isn’t that he knows that I’m turned on by what I saw. It’s that he’s turned on by me, too, and now we both know it. 

[twelverose]

i once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden.

One year together measured in the memories lit by golden haze.

Rating: Teen (Implied sexual content)

Paring: Tentoo/Rose Tyler

WC: 6k

Tw: panic/anxiety attacks & drinking/smoking

A/N: a light plot. more of a character study than anything. but like, it was fun to write so. (angst & fluff)

Song: Daylight by Taylor Swift

Read on Ao3

Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now It's brighter now, now

__________________________________________________

“He needs you. That’s very me.” echoed through her mind as she watched him sleep.

They were driving back to the zeppelin. Pete driving with her mum in the front seat. They were trying to give them as much privacy as possible. Not that it mattered. The moment they made it to the main roadway, he fell asleep.

He fell asleep holding her hand. Like he was holding onto his promise.

When Jackie realized he was asleep, she went on about Tony. Which morphed into why Pete needed to finish some project that had been sitting in the garden for a month now. Rose pointed out why it had been abandoned. Her mum gave her no mind. Explaining you need to finish what you start. Rose scoffed. Quiet enough to avoid a scolding from her mother.

It took about an hour to get there.

Once they woke up the Doctor- which took a lot more effort than it used to- and made it onto the airship, Rose found herself exhausted. The last 72 hours catching up to her.

72 hours of fixing timelines and finding her universe and saving all of them. An emotional roller-coaster stuffed in for good fun. She wasn’t sure how she felt right now. Everything was foggy- including her vision.

She made her way to her usual seat. The Doctor not trailing far behind. They were pressed together in the seat. Not that they had to be, but it was a subconscious thing. Something they did before everything could give her butterflies all over again.

They listened to Pete’s call to Torchwood. Well, he did more than Rose. The drone of his voice forced her eyes shut. She started to drift off, resting her head on the Doctor’s shoulder.

She was half asleep when he asked, “It’s gonna be us?” in a low voice.

She reached for his new, new, new, hand, “Yeah.”

&&

They were lucky. Lucky to have each other. Rose reminded herself that everyday. But falling into things- things they never did before- was beginning to look more difficult than they thought.

Days full of new aliens and old tropes. Meetings that sounded exciting in theory but when given context, Rose couldn’t process correctly. The Doctor trying to fit into the routine of work and home. Old jealous feelings and new conflicting ones falling out of each other’s mouths. Learning to communicate truthfully.

But they made it work. Just like they always have and always will. Although time decided it would move slow.

It was a hell of a day repairing a fleet of fly-sized spaceships and giving the captains directions to Bangladesh. That’s what the Doctor did. Rose was granted the honour of detailing her most recent experience with the “Original Doctor” and how they saved universes.

There was a heavy dread in the back of her mind. Thinking of all the versions of the people she knew that she failed to save. She never got used to detailing what happened when she jumped. But the dread had become something new now. It was thinking of the day they drag the Doctor into an interview room and drill him on how he’s different. She already was holding a grudge against the stoic people she knew would question him.

She didn’t like them in the first place.

Rose came home late. Annoyed and brain dead by the ten hours of redundant questions. Why had they waited two weeks to ask? She didn’t know. But the thought only annoyed her a little bit more. The Doctor was lying on the couch, watching some documentary. Probably about the universe. She couldn’t really focus on anything either way.

“Rose!” His head popped up when the front door closed. Hair adorably mussed and a bright smile on his face.

She gave him a small smile, “Hey.”

He looked like he was about to ask her questions about her day. But bit his tongue when she gave him a pointed look, “Tired?”

She nodded and fell onto the couch next to him. She didn’t want to explain. She could probably ask Pete for the tapes or documents if he was so desperate for an explanation. But he looked at her with those puppy dog eyes and she caved. Giving him a brief explanation of what she had to say and why it was stupid. It wasn’t much but it was what she had to offer.

“I was stuck on Earth working for U.N.I.T. for five years. Reminded me that I wasn’t a desk jockey or meant to live a linear timeline.” He said matter-of-factly.

Rose snorted, “You’re stuck with both for the time being.”

“Not so bad when I’ve got you.”

The words echoed memories she still considered precious. They happened more often now. Soft moments laced in a golden haze replaying in her mind. They changed her moods completely.

This time, she couldn’t help but lean up and kiss him. Something they were trying to find the natural for. He still let himself go lovesick. Like now, as Rose pulled back with a tongue in tooth grin at his small sound.

He wasn’t entirely ruffled. But definitely dopey eyed when he mumbled, “I love it when you grin like that.”

She hopped up to grab her phone, much to his dismay. And people thought they were attached before.

“Rose, wh-”

“I need to call mum. And order a pizza. You can look for a movie in the meantime.”

“That’ll be at least an hour! What am I supposed to do after I find the movie?”

Rose raised her eyebrows, “Last time it took you almost two hours because ‘Films aren’t the same here!’”

The Doctor opened his mouth to defend himself but couldn’t quite find a good defense. She was happy that he didn’t. Because she was right. he found a movie right before the pizza showed up. It was some sci-fi fantasy that didn’t really interest Rose but she doubted she’d stay up until he found another one.

For a man who was so used to letting things happen, he was picky over the media he consumed.

It was a pretty movie, she would give it that. The colors and framing were nice. But nothing else really appealed to her. After eating and curling into his side, she found herself drifting to sleep. Only opening her eyes when the light was bright enough to wake her up. Or when the Doctor moved because his arm was falling asleep or the dialogue pulled him into the story.

Part of her wished she wasn’t so tired. She loved watching him react to new things. Now they lived in a universe of brand new. It normally included having to hear him complain that she should at least try and enjoy the story. He didn’t protest too much. Just enough to remind her that you could find good in every story. So in return, she’d read a book.

Reading gave her a better advantage of watching him. His eyebrows and lips would twitch, as if he was replying. Or maybe criticizing the character’s choices. His fingers would twiddle and feet would tap. It was almost childish, how much he immersed himself.

She loved it. But she was also happy with where she was- option number two. It was also twice as comfortable.

Before she knew it, she was being lifted off the couch. Rose could feel him strain slightly as he carried her. She tried to hide her smile but couldn’t help but let a small one ghost her face. He tapped the bedroom door open with his foot. Moving as gently and quietly as possible, as if she wasn’t a deep sleeper. He knew that well.

Maybe he didn’t know when she was pretending. It made something catch in her throat. All the times she would pretend to be asleep- most of the time because she was already halfway there- just to spend time close to him. Did he never really know?

When he tucked her into bed she realized that he had yet to spend a night in the bedroom. Sure, he needed a little less sleep than the average human- because he wasn’t average. They shared a bed several times before, but he never stayed with her now. Granted, her bedroom wasn’t an alien jail cell or an archaic guest room.

It was an intimacy they never had without barriers and boundaries. Before, they were too aware of what time and space can do. Well he was. When he kissed her forehead, Rose realized it was something they could throw into the wind.

She grabbed his arm before he moved away, “Stay.”

&&

There was a company party at Torchwood. The Doctor had been around long enough- two months and three days- for people to know who he was. Which meant he and Rose ended up staying for an afterparty. And then found a few.

In theory, it was Jake’s fault. He was the one who wanted to test the Doctor’s limits. They were greater than Rose expected. And unlike previous times, he wasn’t afraid to let it show. They ran around the streets of London. Jake showing them holes in the wall, where to get anything and everything. He broke up around 1 in the morning. Leaving them to laugh when one of them stumbled and hide from her father’s paparazzi in dark alleys. It didn’t do much but make them look worse in the morning.

They didn’t care. Too busy having a good time. There’s no doubt in that. They danced and flirted and had way more than one too many. Stumbled home and…

Rose woke up to a pounding headache. Maybe she was getting too old to have that type of fun. But the moment she had the thought, she decided the hangover was worth the fun. Even if the bed was empty when she woke up.

She got out of bed with a groan and grabbed the first shirt within arms’ reach. Which happened to be the Doctor’s button down from the night before. She brushed her teeth and took a few painkillers before walking out into the living room.

The stereo system was playing music that Rose wasn’t familiar with. But she heard him humming along.

She stopped and smiled as she caught sight of him. Clad only in a pair of briefs, the Doctor was swaying side to side as he chopped something. He was light. Not the tense and straight-backed man who needed to prove he was still worth his title. Hair beautifully messy, a blush spreading over the freckles of his back, and remnants of them from the night before.

He was beautiful. Especially when he let the weight off his shoulders.

She couldn’t help wrapping her arms around him when he was within reach. Pressing a kiss against his spine as he chuckled. Appreciating the heat his body left against her cheek.

“Good morning.” The vibration of his voice made her feel light as well.

She hummed in response. Appreciating the feeling of it all.

“I figured I could make us some breakfast.” He said, his voice slightly hoarse.

“Have you made any tea yet?”

“No.” A tinge of pink gathered on his cheeks, “I waited because it’s better when you make it.”

She let go with an exaggerated sigh and a smack of his bum. Smirking to herself at his quip, which was exactly as she always thought. She made their tea in their respective mugs. Her’s was one her mum painted with Tony, his was the one Tony made for him as a surprise. It was lumpy and chipped and colorful. Rose knew it was the few things that would expand into the sentimental collection he’d grow. It would probably remain one of his favorites.

She sat on the counter next to where he was making their omelettes once the tea was ready. She watched his focus intense when he went to flip them. Tongue daring to peek out the side of his mouth.

“Since when did you learn to cook?” She asked suddenly.

He placed his omelette on a plate before giving an explanation.”

“Oh, er,” His hand went to rub the back of his head, “When you have meetings or something during lunch, Jake has been showing me some stuff. He gets a kick out of it. Finally found something he’s better at than me.”

Rose laughed, “You found yourself a drinking buddy!”

“Oi!” He scowled, she noticed how he barely kept his finger from pointing, “I have not become that domestic, Rose Tyler!”

She couldn’t keep but laughing even more. The image of a Doctor disheveled and only in his pants, making breakfast and trying to defend that he still had an edge. The only thing that could make it any better was a “Kiss the Cook” apron.

Rose made note to get him one for the next holiday.

“Rose!” He whined, “Please, will you let off it?”

She found herself saying, “Make me.”

The Doctor wasn’t having any of that taken lightly, he took the two steps to invade her personal space with zero hesitation. The next laugh got caught in her chest. The smile remained though.

He smirked when the only sounds were their breathing and the music.

“Didn’t have to do much to do that.”

“You wish.” She mumbled, trying not to show how much she wanted him to kiss her.

“You’re wearing my shirt.” It came from deep in his chest.

He kept close to her. Close enough to where she could feel his breath against her lips. She was seconds from giving in. Letting him win until-

“Food’s getting cold!” He made a dramatic spin to grab their plate.

Rose kept in the groan. Feeding his ego was the last thing she wanted to do in the moment.

Which was fruitless. Because he still had sharper hearing. Thus, he easily made out the “Tease.” she let out underneath a loud sigh.

“You can wait, we’ve got the rest of our lives.”

She followed him to the table, “You wouldn’t say the same if I did it to you.”

He set the plates down and turned to face her, an offended look on his face.

“As if.”

She smiled, “As if you haven’t thought the same way.”

“Like…?” He did a poor job of hiding the way he looked at her.

“Well, we could stay inside all day. Just the two of us.” She took a step closer.

“I thought that was already planned.”

She ignored him. Standing on her toes and whispering, “Or the rest of the weekend.” before pulling him into a kiss. Only to push him away when it became a little more than chaste.

“Minx.”

&&

The day she had been dreading came two weeks later. Rose’s ears had been ringing ever since she went by the Doctor’s lab to see if he was ready to go. Only to find a few of his coworkers and to hear that he got taken up for an interview. Jake said he didn’t see him during their breaks.

She called her mum everyday. It was habitual. But today it seemed like Jackie knew what was happening. Maybe Pete told her. Rose didn’t really care. She might later.

Why didn’t they deserve a heads up?

Jackie tried her best to soothe Rose. She could hear her daughter pacing the flat, rummaging through things. Half-heartedly listening to Jackie’s story about Tony and dinner. She was halfway out the door when Rose said,

“He’s home. Talk to you later.”

And he was a mess. Hair messy but not in the way Rose liked. Shirt untucked and blazer unbuttoned. His jaw set. He looked angry. The type of anger that would hide behind his eyes. That made deep brown shine gold if you knew him. She wondered if this was going to be a different anger than before. She heard stories of Donna Noble’s emotional and passionate rants and rages. She saw Donna close to falling apart when she sent her back to fix the timeline.

He looked a lot like both right now. A mix of a wildfire and a downpour.

“Doctor?”

He looked afraid.

“Hey, c’mere.”

His fist clenched.

“Talk to me.”

She reached for his hand and led him to the sofa.

She couldn’t read him. All tempestuous thoughts couldn’t translate the way she was used to. He saw that. So instead he tried to put on the facade of someone who has it together. One that only told her it was worse. Something terrible tugged at something deep within him.

“I didn’t think it’d be that bad.” He cleared his voice, “It actually didn’t bother me until I got home.”

It was exactly what she expected. Everything that made her heart hurt for him.

“It does that, doesn’t it?” She wasn’t sure what to say.

Her mum had always been better at this. She always knew how to get through, to tell people it was okay to say what they needed. Rose was better at feeling the same as them without the words. But she sat in front of a silent rambling man.

“Yeah. It’s a blow to the chest.”

She reached for his hand, interlocking their pinky fingers. There was a static shock when she did. And that seemed to be the tipping point. The shock that told him to let go.

“I need you now.” His voice broke at his attempt to hold back tears, “I don’t know. Before I could go on. I could keep going. But it’s different, isn’t it?”

Rose nodded. Still unsure of what to say, how to help. She understood. Understood so clearly she wondered if he had tapped into her mind.

“Do you think they realize what they say?”

“Yeah.” Rose looked down, “They’ve done it to me and mum several times. Well, mostly me.”

“How did you deal with it?” His eyes were wide. He looked lost trying to navigate what he was feeling.

“I knew I had to get back to you.” It came out simple. Like it was clear. Like she never spent days in bed after these interrogations sometimes.

He shook his head, “I’m not the me that you were trying to get back to. They know that. You know that.”

“I know you’re the same man. One less heart and hair that’s got a streak he always wanted.”

“Now I’ve got a last name and pay rent. Not exactly the man you met.”

“It’s been eight years since we met, for me. We change. I don’t mind, Doctor.”

He grabbed her hand, not taking his eyes off of it, “Some people do.”

“To hell with them. We’re going to live lives they can only dream of.”

A silence settled over them. Rose heard her phone vibrating in the kitchen, but didn’t care. She watched as his eyes traced her face. Curious and willing. Unsure and timid.

“I’m not sure what else is going to happen. I don’t really care,” He took a shaky breath, “All I know is that it’s you.”

&&

Her mum and Pete asked for them to look after Tony for an evening. There was some publicity event or whatever. Jackie couldn’t remember what exactly. Rose never minded. Her little brother was easier to take care of than most would think. Raised just as she was plus a little more expense. He deserved it. The miracle child who kept her company at her worst times. He knows it too.

He also adored the Doctor. For one, he looked super cool and was super cool because he saved the universe and worlds with his sister. Two, Tony could ask him any question and he’d have the answer, the Doctor never dulled it down either. He just would answer the questions that followed. Tony’s favorite thing though, was that they could get into messes and out of them without too much consequence. Rose was sure that if he knew the words, he’d already be calling him a brother-in-law.

As much as they were two peas in a pod, it took an hour of debate between the boys for them to figure out what they were going to do. In the midst of the Doctor arguing the pros of his idea, Rose announced that they would be going to the park.

After a walk around, they settled on a hill. The Doctor laid out his trenchcoat for him and Rose to rest on. Tony left for a few minutes before coming back with a handful of flowers. Handing them to Rose and asking her to make him a crown. Before taking off to find more, so they could all have one.

“Since when could you do that?” The Doctor asked, pulling out a prototype of his sonic.

Rose shrugged, “I taught myself when I’d babysit my little cousins. Muscle memory at this point.”

“You’ve never mentioned it.”

Rose looked up from the braided weeds with a smile and raised eyebrow, “‘Cause you’re not a six year old who needs to be kept busy. At least, most of the time.”

“I’m six months and fourteen days.” He puffed his chest.

Rose rolled her eyes, “Always have to bring yourself into it, don’t ya?”

Before he had the chance to reply, Tony came running up with another boy in tow. Quickly dropping a few handfuls of flowers at Rose’s knees before steering toward the Doctor. People who appeared to be parents a few yards behind. Rose waved, making sure it was alright as the boys focused on the Doctor.

“This is Dr. Noble! He’s my sister’s boyfriend.”

Rose chuckled at Tony’s explanation of him. But the boy held out his hand to shake in a grand gesture. The Doctor took it with the same enthusiasm.

“And what’s your name?”

“Jackson. I’m Tony’s second best friend.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, “Well who’s the first?”

Tony looked shocked, “You are, Silly!”

“Of course I am, Tony.”

Something overtook the playful gleam in his eyes, something softer and touched. Rose noticed that there may have been a tear in his eye. She smiled at the ground, glancing up every so often.

Tony started asking the Doctor to tell his favorite story. The one about what happened at Krop Tor. She listened as closely as the boys, he had never let her hear it in entirety before. Most of it was as it happened, granted, not as grave. There was something he didn’t know, which wasn’t normal. And they got trapped when they went to figure it out. So it goes.

But he changed his tone at the end of it. Lowering his voice when he asked, “Do you want to know the best part?”

To which the boys nodded eagerly.

“Well, I wouldn’t be here to tell you this if it weren’t for someone.” He nodded his head at Rose, “I was just fighting the body. Which is scary but nothing compared to the soul of the Devil.”

“C’mon!!” Tony bounced on his knees.

“She was the one who made the final move. Ready to sacrifice herself and who she loved for the better of the universe,” He started to whisper, “I knew that she was the best. But this is when she became the very best.”

He explained how she shot the window of the rocket. Dramatizing it to make her sound more impressive. Throwing his hands around while talking about the Tardis. Dedicated to giving the happiest ending for the boys.

He did it with a breeze, leaving them whooping and cheering.

They were once again antsy to run around and burn off energy. Rose handed them both a crown, trying to keep Tony’s attention.

“When do you have to be back here, Anthony?”

He scowled at the use of his full name, “Before the sky turns all dark blue.”

“You’re good to go.” Rose laughed.

Tony pulled his friend away. They only managed to get just out of ear’s reach before Jackson came bounding back up.

The Doctor looked up from where he was fiddling with his sonic, “Yes sir?”

“What’s your first name?”

“Doctor,” He grinned mischievously.

“Your last?”

“Noble.” He said it with pride.

Jackson gave him a questioning look but shrugged and ran back to Tony, who was poking at something with a stick.

Rose left the rest of the flowers on the ground and turned her attention to the sunset. Listening to everything going on around them. The phantom breeze in the trees. All the kids calling for each other. Passing conversations.

“What about when we get married?”

It came out of nowhere. She tried not to let her surprise show, “What about it?”

“Our last names.” He looked at her, the wind in his hair reminded her of their time on New Earth, “I quite like Noble and I don’t think you should give up Tyler.”

“What if I want to?” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“Well, I mean-”

“I’m joking, Doctor,” She looked at him, lost in thought, “We could hyphenate them.”

He shook his head in thought, “Hm, but who would go first?”

She shrugged, returning her focus to the sky. Listening as he rolled “Noble-Tyler” and “Tyler-Noble” off his tongue while it turned a brighter and brighter pink.

She swatted at him with the back of her hand when Tony ran back to them. Trying to avoid any conversations that aren't necessary. He asked the Doctor to come play with him because Jackson had to leave. Before he started to drag him away, the Doctor managed to give Rose a peck on the cheek. The six year old was too impatient. Leaving him to yell “I love you!” at her.

Her eye roll was followed with her own shout, “I love you too!”

&&

The Doctor was wearing a tuxedo similar to the one he wore the first time they were here. This time it wasn’t to gain information but to give it. He was to give a lecture on something he figured out in the eight months he’d been here. He argued that it wasn’t that important. That he didn’t need to do it. Pete reminded him that the other scientists working on it eight spent years. Not months.

The Doctor and Donna’s personality had always been intertwined in him. Rose knew it. She first noticed because he was quick to reply to her mum’s quips and actually started to enjoy spending time with her.

He said it was because he’s half the alien he used to be. But both Rose and Jackie beg to differ.

But this was the first time she’s seen the personality merge work against him. He couldn’t just brush off the idea of speaking in front of people who are there to question him. Speculate how he did it. Insecurities bubbled to the surface and crawled into his nerves.

Rose found out through Jake, who had to pull her from talking to people before the seminar. She wasn’t the one resisting. She was tired of questions about this “mystery man” who was “quick to put a ring on her finger.”

Although, the reactions to the fact that she was the one who got down on one knee humored her. But led her to explaining that he got her ring later.

“He’s been pacin’ the room like an animal that hasn’t got enough enrichment.” Jake said while walking Rose to where the Doctor was, “I couldn’t get through to him but we all know you can.”

She entered the room to a speaker being in pieces across the floor. The Doctor sitting in the middle of all the pieces, trying to rig something together. She wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a DADA sculpture or a new invention. Either way, his new anxieties were making him manic.

“Doctor?”

His head snapped up and he gave her a tense grin, “Rose! I was just thinking of you.”

“I don’t think you stop doing that.”

He shrugged and started sweeping all the pieces into a small pile in front of him.

“Doctor,” Rose said it softer than before, “What’s going on?”

“I’m about to talk to a room full of people and I can’t suppress hormones like I used to be able to.”

He said it with a straight face. Leaving Rose to hold her breath to keep from causing him anymore anxiety. She wasn’t sure if her urge to laugh was caused by the point-blank approach of explanation or the fact that he was clearly lying. She didn’t think on it too much. She tried to think about what her mum said and did all the times she was at a breaking point.

The first thing she noticed was how disheveled he was. Only half dressed, though he’d never admit it. Then it clicked.

“Presentation is the most important thing. That’s what I’ve learned from Pete. So let's tidy you back up.” She held her hand out to lift him back up.

She talked about everything except what his mind was so desperate to be focused on. Coaxing the dopey smile and puppy-dog eyes out of him. In the end, it was more flirting than discussing. But it worked the way she needed to either way.

Rose couldn’t help but notice how he focused on her hands when she buttoned his shirt.

“I’ll unbutton them later if you don’t have a heart attack on stage.” She said with his favorite grin.

She couldn’t help but let it slip. And the mischievous look she got in return was worth it. Now that he was dressed, it was time to move onto his hair. Which would only take so long due to the fact he was overprotective and particular with it. This was where she planned to dig back in.

He gave her a sheepish smile as he sat down in front of the mirror, watching her hands start to tease his hair.

“What had you so worked up earlier?” She asked, watching his eyes dart from her to anywhere else in the mirror.

“I started thinking too much. Or- I focused on one thing and wouldn’t think of anything else.” He looked like a schoolboy. Embarrassed to feel things.

Rose thinks this is the most human moment he’s had yet. His superior biology not quite what it used to be.

“What was it?”

“Well, uh,” She swatted the hand that went for the back of his head as he spoke, “I didn’t want to disappoint Pete. or Jackie. Or you.”

His eyes met with hers in the mirror and she gave him a sweet smile, “My mum and I don’t care. You know that. Pete? He’s got PR on standby if necessary.”

“I know,” The Doctor shrugged, “But you’re the ones who let me get here.”

Jake knocked on the door, “He’s got five minutes!”

His spine went rigid again. Rose ran her hand over it in response. She pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, where no one would notice if a lipstick stain was left.

“Just talk to ‘em like you’d talk to Tony, yeah? Go on your big monologue and worry about what’s going on in their heads later.”

When he stood up she fixed the lock of red in his hair to flow with the rest.

“I love you. You know that?”

“Absolutely.” She straightened his bowtie one last time, “You know, you have nothing to prove to me.”

&&

Rose blew air out like a cigarette, watching a cloud too hazy and heavy form. Those days were long gone. She realized they had gone before she met the Doctor. A long memory now, where she lived in a parallel universe with a new half-human, half-timelord Doctor. She didn’t mind, though. That’s life isn’t it?

It was this line of thought that led her into sleepless nights. Comparing lives. Wondering how her old Doctor was doing. Wondering if her Doctor was really, truly, happy. If they’d ever get back the life that they belong in. All this what-ifs and open-ended question that she’d never get an answer for until the moment came. They ran rampant through her head. Like a skipping record.

Sometimes it was tempting to pick up old habits when she got like this. She knew why she didn’t when the door behind her slid open, revealing a shirtless, groggy Doctor.

“Rose, it’s 3 am.”

“I know,” She turned to face him completely, “I couldn’t sleep.”

He hummed in understanding and sat next to her. Looking up at the sky full of stars he’s yet to map. It made a sharp pang go through her chest. To see him like this. So bare in a universe he was ready to make a mark on. Then Rose noticed the goosebumps rise on his arms with a gust of wind. He’s yet to admit that he’s been cold. Even when it’s written all over his face and hands.

She also noticed the way his eyebrows furrowed. As if he was counting each and every star.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?”

She shrugged, “Thinking ‘bout what you said.”

“We’re at the halfway mark. Now is time for her to grow on her own.”

Rose thought back to the shed on Pete’s estate that they spent every free day they had at for the past month. Which meant one of them pulled the other out of bed. Because they had their very own Tardis growing inside, waiting to learn of new skys.

“But will we make it that long?” She felt the fear bubble over into tears, “It scares me. To not know when. Which is ridiculous but I’ve waited so long and I know you’re just as restless.”

He sat there for a second, gathering the right words.

“Rose, you did the impossible once. All on your own. Yeah, you had Jackie and Clive and Pete, but-”

“Now I have you.”

The words hung heavy in the air. Like it was some confession. Admitting something she always wished for had come true. But it wasn’t made up of the dreams she once had. It was messy and real but even worth more than what once was the only thing that let her sleep at night.

“I told you a year ago, it’s gonna be us. I could care less about what else there is.”

Maybe that was the catharsis. The unholy amounts of emotion came pouring out of her. She fell into his arms as she broke into tears.

She had no clue where it came from. Maybe it was stress from work. The clutter starting to build in their tiny flat. Or knowing they were so close. Her heart begging to be reminded of what showed her love in the first place.

“Rose, you golden girl. You did it. You got back to me- or well, I came back with you. Besides the point. You’ve done it once. What’s a second time with the impossible holding your hand?”

He rocked her slightly as she started to calm down. Brushing her hair out of her face and wiping her tears. Pressing kisses against her forehead. Mumbling things she normally didn’t hear.

He pulled her back with a wide grin, “Hey, we still have to get married before leaving. I don’t want another slap from your mother.”

“I think we should do it Vegas style.” it came out as a snotty laugh. And in the back of her mind she wondered if he ever saw her like this before now.

“I don’t care as long as it’s you.” He smiled, “You said it a while ago, ‘Better with two.’”

She giggled, rubbing her eyes one last time, “The stuff of legends, us.”

“Especially in a few months' time.” He said, looking back up at the sky.

“We’re gonna be alright,” Rose pulled him into a tight embrace, “We’re okay.”

[jamiebluewind]

Fantasy High Theory: Fabian has an eating disorder

TW: eating disorder symptoms, anorexia symptoms, abuse mention, death mention, violence mention, gun mention, alcohol mention, drug mention, trauma mention, smoking mention,...

Word Count: about 2100

I know this is a big assumption to make with what we have, but I couldn't ignore all the data and the warning signs. In fact, I think that even if Fabian does not have an eating disorder at this time, he's certainly at risk for one and needs the issues addressed before it gets worse.

Before I get into it, let me remind everyone that I am about to talk about a very heavy subject. Remember, stay safe and consider the warnings before you continue. You can always message me for a summary of the red flags or for an edited version if you need it. I would rather you be safe than to have you're like on my theory.

Okay? Okay. Let's start by defining a few things.

Eating Disorder: Any of a range of psychological disorders in which people experience severe disturbances in their eating behaviors and related thoughts/emotions. People with eating disorders typically become pre-occupied with food and/or their body weight/shape.

ARFID: Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder is an eating disorder characterized by eating very little food and/or avoiding eating certain foods. It does not include having a distorted body image (as occurs in anorexia nervosa) or being preoccupied with body image (as occurs in bulimia nervosa). People with avoidant/restrictive food intake may not eat because they lose interest in eating or because they think eating has harmful consequences. They may avoid certain foods because of their color, consistency, or odor. When it becomes more severe, it can cause substantial weight loss, slower-than-expected growth in children, difficulty participating in normal social activities, and sometimes life-threatening nutritional deficiencies.

Anorexia nervosa: Diagnosed when patient BMI (body mass index which is a rule of thumb measuring body size vs mass) is low for their age and height. Severity is classified as mild (BMI of greater than 17), moderate (BMI of 16–16.99), severe (BMI of 15–15.99), or extreme (BMI of less than 15). Hallmarks of anorexia include limited food intake, excessive monitoring of the calorie and fat content of food, fear of being “fat”, problems with body image, denial of low body weight, excessive exercise, food rituals, cold intolerance, mood swings, sleeping issues, chronic fatigue, distorted body image, and many more. Eventually, the body goes into starvation which cause a lot of bad symptoms.

Atypical anorexia nervosa: All of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met, except the individual's weight is within or above the normal range.

Again, ANY BMI can still mean a person has an eating disorder. It is NOT confined to those that are underweight. The BMI is only there as a red flag and to help classify severity of anorexia. I want to make this very clear, not just for my theory, but for the people reading this who recognize parts of it in themselves or others. I'm about to give an example that gets... personal in order to show that people who don't fit the stereotype of being underweight can still have an eating disorder. How personal? My own.

I am overweight to obese (depending on the doctor and the range). I don't exercise much. I eat pretty well around friends. But I have an eating disorder. I just... don't get hungry most of the time, so I forget to eat a lot more often than is healthy. A LOT more. I've been to the hospital a few times due to dehydration. I've collapsed because I literally forgot to eat for two or three days. I could have died at one point because despite being overweight, I was eating so little that things just... stopped working. Again, I was overweight. People and doctors thought I was just lazy. I was told to eat less and exercise more. Even my blood tests came back fine until one day, they didn't. And even then, nobody listened. Somebody doesn't have to look how you expect them to in order to have a problem. Also, don't be afraid to reach out for help if you feel like some of this hits close to home or someone you know is showing symptoms. It's okay to need help.

So remember, eating disorders can affect anybody with any body. The important thing is to be kind, supportive, and encourage professional help such as cognitive therapy.

****

Now to list Fabian's risk factors (I only listed the ones I believe he has)

Dysfunction family: This is a big risk factor for Fabian. His father is chaotic evil and (despite loving his son) puts massive pressure on him and tries to make him conform to his ideal for most of Fabian's life. Fabian has seen his father abuse his crew and snap at the drop of a hat. His mother has been a heavy alcoholic and mostly absent his entire first 16 years and when she gets off alcohol, she puts an extreme amount of pressure on him herself.

Abuse: This is another big one. His parents have been verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, neglectful in a variety of ways, controlling, manipulative, isolating, and his mother rested his food intake. He could have also been physically abused in the guise of sparing.

Genetics: Fabian's mother is very slim. Using images of weights and comparing it to her shape, she in fact fits the underweight shape which may or may not imply a genetic component depending on if the normal body shapes are different for high elves or not.

Exposure to warped body ideals and weight stigma: Exposure to "body ideals" in places like the media (especially if at a young age) can increase body dysfunction and eating disorder risk. Weight stigma can make this worse due to discrimination and stereotyping based on a person’s weight. Fabian has actually been exposed to this a lot due to his father and the crew. He's a kid around very strong muscular people and he feels pushed to get stronger to live up to his dad. It's also very easy to imagine that crew members who were not strong or active enough got a very bad reaction from his father, which would reinforce the ideal. Some of this is conjecture, but it's not so far outside the realm of possibility to be impossible.

Participation in sports: He's on the Bloodrush team and is a fencer.

Pressure to have a certain body shape from family: I think this risk factor is there too, especially when his mother takes over training.

Bullying/Teasing: Fabian was actually bullied by peers when he first starts school, but I believe his parents were bullying him long before that.

Trauma and PTSD: Oh boy, is this solid. He was most likely traumitized by his parents before high school. He saw two new friends die the first day of school and nearly died himself, only saved by Riz. He watched two teachers die by gunshot right in front of him (and a staff member killed by bludgeoning). Fabian mentions having nightmares about Riz killing Daybreak which might have been due to it being via gunshot. He was forced to kill people due to the situation he found himself in. The person who was supposed to have been helping them the entire time (Biz) turned out to be an evil dude who trapped one friend in a palimpsest and wanted to capture another. He was stuck in jail for weeks! His family was attacked, his home was damaged, and his dad died (and by his hand no less). He and his friends almost died to a dragon. That's a LOT of trauma for a kid to try to process and Jawbone mentioned that he never came to visit him, so he probably dealt with a lot of it on his own.

Low self-esteem: This is unfortunately something else he has. Despite all the bravado, he doesn't know how to be a friend or have people like him for who he is (instead of who his parents are or how much money he has). He tries to put up a cool front, but he judges himself very harshly.

Perfectionism. One of the strongest risk factors for an eating disorder is perfectionism, especially self-oriented perfectionism, which involves setting unrealistically high expectations for oneself. If they fail to meet their high expectations, the person becomes very self-critical. Fabian has this type of perfectionism.

History of an anxiety disorder: This one is reaching, but possible. People often show signs of an anxiety disorder (generalized anxiety, social phobia, OCD,...) before the onset of an eating disorder and Fabian stays on edge a lot, worries excessively, puts up a front, and deals with nightmares.

Substance abuse: Fabian has had alcohol and drugs before the age of 16, his parents almost encouraging it. He smokes regularly. Addiction runs in his family as well with his mother being an alcoholic and his father doing multiple drugs. Neither parent even hides the fact that they take drugs and drink alcohol to excess, the crew probably took drugs and got drunk in front of a young Fabian, and Bill offered drugs to his friends upon meeting them.

History of using weight-controling methods and dieting: Fabian exercises a great deal. He skips meals. He has a limited number of things he will eat. There is a lot of evidence to back this up.

Limited social networks: This was a HUGE issue before high school. Fabian was very isolated. He had no friends, limited social activities, and lacked proper social support. Recently, he's been skipping class exclusively which on top of smoking a lot, puts distance between him and other people.

Long story short? Our boy is at risk. Big time.

****

List of common signs of eating disorders (including anorexia)

Limited food intake: Seen when he has mostly protein smoothies, his mother tries to give him limited rations, and when he refuses to eat with his friends more and more as the series goes on. The first incident of it was in Cool Kids, Cold Case where Fabian refused the food he was offered on two separate occasions, passing it to Riz both times. Once was after the battle with Daybreak and being stuck at the police station a good while. The other was when the teens were hanging out at Riz's appartment when Sklonda got takeout. Fabian's mom also makes him earn food as seen in the live show. This mentality could have very well been internalized, even with Cathilda there to try and give him more.

Excessive monitoring of the calorie and fat content of food: He worries about empty calories, how fattening something is, and removed the cheese from a slice of pizza and dabbed the oil

Fear of being “fat” or in a shape that is not the ideal: In episode 1 of season 2, he is very preoccupied with staying trim and tight.

Excessive exercise: He exercises who knows how long every morning plus for Bloodrush plus the times outside of that

Food rituals: This is interacting with food a certain way (like small bites or how it's prepared) which causes anxiety when not followed. The pizza event might be one, but it's hard to say without a pattern.

Sleeping issues: Fabian has issues with sleeping, dreaming, and nightmares. His father confirmed this and he himself mentioned his nightmares.

Weight loss: By comparing his previous official artwork with his new official artwork, it's easy to see that Fabian looks visibly thinner. He's also VERY cut. (very defined muscles requiring very little fat) for his age. He was muscular last year sure, but his chest and abs are much more defined this year. Being that cut means that despite how muscular Fabian is, he has been eating less and probably doing fat burning exercises, getting a lot of his nutrition from multivitamins and whey, and would have less energy than normal.

Negative energy balance/chronic fatigue: This is only a possibility, but it deserves being mentioned. If this is going on, it puts a spin on some of Fabian's other actions in season 2, episode 1. He showed up late on move in day and didn't really move anything (just carried a book), which might have been a character thing, but could have also been because Fabian is running on empty and capable of things like adrenaline fueled busts of energy, but otherwise dealing with low energy and fatigue.

Also, Fabian is smoking now which works as an appetite suppressant as is common among those with eating disorders.

(Signs with no evidence as of this post: problems with body image, denial of low body weight, cold intolerance, mood swings)

~*~*~*~*~*~

TLDR: Fabian is showing a lot of symptoms of an eating disorder and also over a dozen risk factors. The number of both is substantial enough to see a pattern. Enough that I sincerely hope that it's acknowledged during the season because if Fabian does not have an eating disorder, he is at substantial risk of developing one.

PS: I know it's data heavy, I might have missed a few things, and it could be totally wrong, but I seen enough there that I thought it might make for a solid theory. D20 is no stranger to heavy subjects and I think if they do cover it, they will do a good job (as always). If they don't, I still learned a lot making this theory and maybe a few of you will as well. ^_^

[mirjahcreative]

My contribution to the Mystic Messenger Winterzine: MC x Zen fanfic, for all audiences, 2,809 words

The entire Winterzine and more info on it is available here, on the Mystic Messenger Discord server's Tumblr @mm-discord.

MC Under the Mistletoe

The delicious, rich, spicy scent of gingerbread being baked wafted in Zen’s apartment. MC had volunteered to bake gingerbread cookies for the RFA Christmas party with the actor, and here they were, making them now. She loved to see the dough smooth under her rolling pin. It was so much fun to carefully place and press the cookie-cutter on the dough sheet, in order to get as many shapes as possible from the first sheet. They made stars, different animals, spruce trees, and hearts - placing the cookies on the trays to wait for their turn in the oven.

For the past hour or so, the favorite Christmas carols picked by both MC and Zen had been playing on the speakers as the pile of the gingerbread shapes grew ever higher. Finally, MC put away the baking tools, sighing contently as the last batch of tasty treats stood there ready for oven-baking. Finishing up the clean-up of the kitchen counter, she failed to notice the tall albino sneak up right next to her. When a pair of strong arms snaked around her, MC jumped, squealing out loud - not startled but tickled! She bent over in a fit of giggles, trying to squirm away from the fingers aimed at her sides. The gorgeous dork loved to hear her laughing, so he told her all the time. Thus, she was constantly the target of his stealthy attacks of hugs, tickles, and kisses.

“Truce! - ahahaha - Hyun!!! Truce!!! ” “But babe~, I just caught you in my arms…” “The gingerbread - hahaha - trays are in danger!!!” “Alright, if you’re sure~” The man squeezed his girlfriend into a tight embrace instead. He wanted to try her gingerbread cookies for the first time, too - so he didn’t want to risk any of the trays getting knocked off of the table and kitchen counter. Zen danced them around the kitchen and stopped at the doorway - just long enough to smooch MC. His boyish grin was as charming as ever as he glanced at the little mistletoe he had insisted on placing on the doorframe even though it wasn't a Korean tradition. Zen enjoyed the sentiment, and being the cuddle-bug he was, that kissing tradition fit him well.

“I’ll go for my run now, just had to get my fill of your giggles first. I’ll be about an hour, and my phone is with me - so call me if anything happens, okay, cutie?” Zen made MC promise the same thing every time he left the house, and it had become more their routine than a real concern of his. Smiling warmly at her love, the woman watched the long, silvery white rattail disappear from sight as the front door closed behind the man. Now MC was home alone and the sole baker responsible for not burning the goodies. She checked the oven temperature, pushed the first batch of baking in, and set the timer to go off when the cookies would be ready.

She curled up under a soft blanket in a corner of the sofa, her laptop on her knees. After testing the game only because Zen starred in the musical version of the story, MC was now totally hooked on Tendelion. The girl continued the gameplay from her last save point. Chuckling to herself MC, shook her head at a thought - imagining that the ultimate cat-allergic man had played the part of the human form of a black cat!

Level-up after level-up in different attributes for the main character, interaction after interaction earning hearts from the different love interests, MC was immersed in the gameplay. At some point, she realized she heard shuffling by the door and greeted the man brightly - eyes never leaving the screen, though. MC didn’t even notice the absence of any sort of a reply to her greeting… She was in a super exciting situation in the game. The story could now go either way, as she was about to end up on one of the guys’ routes - but whose?

Deciding to take a break - and stretch the anticipation that much longer - MC made a save and got up from the couch. She stretched languidly, a delighted little moan escaping her. Sauntering to the kitchen, she pinched the bridge of her nose. Hm, my eyes are a bit tired, did I really play that long? But the timer hasn’t rung yet, has it, she mused to herself. Her lips dry and mouth parched, MC reached for a glass from the cupboard. Before she could fill it with the cold water she craved, warm hands covered her eyes.

Without a word, a firm chest pressed to MC’s back - the feel of it familiar and pleasant to her. For a split-second MC wondered if the spices used in the baking had messed up her sense of smell, due to her not recognizing Zen’s scent. That thought got pushed aside, though, as the man walked her forward, still flush against her. A confused little giggle and heat rising to her face - radiating unmistakably to his palms - revealed that the surprise was a success. They came to a halt and the man spun her around - one hand remaining over her eyes to keep her blinded. She felt another large palm cupping her cheek and a light puff of air as his breath hit her lips, sending shivers down her spine. Just a heartbeat later, the soft touch of his kiss made the woman go weak in the knees and wobble a bit.

A chuckle, very different to Zen’s, made MC’s eyes shoot open. Yellowy-gold eyes were right before hers - instead of the rare crimson she expected. This caused the woman to flinch back from the kiss and let out a screech of horror. Despite her reaction, the stranger stood too close to her, holding her gaze calmly - a gentle smile pulling on his lips. The young, wide-shouldered man wore a red-and-black jacket and a black beanie was pulled over his unruly raven hair. There was an ornate silver pendant hanging from a thin strap loosely tied around his neck, guiding her eyes down to his collarbones, of which his loose shirt collar showed a glimpse. MC felt like she recognized the pendant - and the man. But that couldn’t be, right… The man crossed his arms over his chest and studied her face, an enigmatic, feline-like smile on his features.

“Who the hell are you?! What are you doing here? How did you get in!?! Who gave you the permission to KISS ME?!?!? Where--” “My bad for startling you, Foodgiver - or, should I say, cookie-giver. You’re the best!” “What did you call me just now!?” “Relax, MC, it’s alright. Also, the mistletoe, it’s right above us. You know I’d never harm ya.” “What? What do you mean ‘I know?’ I’ve never...” “Haha! So you’d think~! You’ve become happy, haven’t you?” “Yes, of course! But what does that have to…”

---BLEEEP-BLEEEP-BLEEEP---

An annoying beeping sound distracted MC, taking her attention but for a moment - her gaze only briefly snapping to the oven. The guy had disappeared, as if into thin air. Touching her chapped lips lightly with her fingertips, she found them still warm from the kiss. The woman blinked a dozen times, frozen in place. She concluded that a handsome stranger popping by just to kiss her  - and her not kicking his ass for it - had to have been a dream. One really lifelike dream... She shook her head and padded silently in her neon-colored knit socks to save the baking. As soon as she opened the oven door, the delicious smell of baked gingerbread cookies filled the room - making MC’s mouth water. After setting the baked batch aside to cool down, pushing a new tray full of raw goods into the oven, and leaving the bright red oven mitts on the countertop, it was time for MC to reset the timer and go back to her game.

No longer in the mood for grinding the stats of Tendelion, she switched over to the next game. One she had heard of from one of the guests at her first RFA party: Nameless. It was also an otome-type of game, but with different game logic - more story-based than the previous one. MC hadn’t played it before, and she’d managed to avoid any accidental spoilers online. Such interesting characters were written into the game! There was an intense scene going on and as it ended with an alarming voice speaking to the main character, MC was all but biting her nails. The story is super engaging! I can’t believe this game isn’t more widely known... The only downside to such addictive gameplay was that the woman lost the track of time completely. Luckily, she knew that and, thus, used the timer.

After a few more trays full of cookies had baked ready, MC heard faint singing from the bathroom and the shower sloshing. She smiled to herself. The actor had obviously returned from his run while she’d been totally focused in the game world, her headphones on tight. On one hand MC was itching to tell Zen about her wild dream, but on the other...she hesitated somewhat. The man was still sometimes insecure about her love toward him and had been known to get jealous pretty easily. It was still just a dream, and besides, starring someone MC had never seen before in her life. Although, he did remind her of a role character Zen had played back before they had met… Perhaps her love and adoration had made the character come alive in her dreams? She had told him before how she’d almost developed a crush on some of his role characters.

Still slightly dazed by the intense game moment she shook her head once more to her inner musings and lazily dragged herself up from the couch. Checking on her baking she wondered if the romance games just played tricks on her subconscious. The woman had just taken the last hot tray of gingerbread cookies out of the oven and was carefully setting it aside. Before she could finish the task, though, a hot pair of arms circled her midriff again and soft humming tickled her ear. Noticing a different scent to the usual made MC briefly think that maybe Zen had switched his body wash again. The thought was soon replaced with the worry over her baking for the RFA. “Oh, you’re back at it, mister?! Just...Please, don’t tickle me this time…I might drop these.” “I would never play such a nasty trick on you, my honey~” yet another unfamiliar voice whispered in MC’s ear.

The tray fell from her hands - luckily only a few centimeters onto the kitchen counter - making a loud noise, nonetheless. MC flailed fervently to free herself from the hold of a second stranger in the same day. Surprising even herself, the resourceful female managed to force the male backwards and away from the stove. However, the man maneuvered the two of them as though leading her in a dance, so that she didn’t bump into the walls or furniture. He brought them to a full stop, turned her around in his arms, and dropped a tender kiss on her mouth.

Finally freed from his hold, MC stared unblinking at the uniquely gorgeous guy - who was standing almost as if striking a pose for her. His short, black hair with a trendy cut was pulled back behind his left ear - revealing an earring - and his bangs fell over his right eye. The man wore an exquisite, long, white jacket with an unusual design. MC gawked at him long enough to notice that his bare, shapely chest and flat stomach were partly showing, due to the cut of the garment. The tall, toned man held her gaze, mirth sparkling in his eyes that were locked on hers. An alluring smile adorned his face, making her suddenly feel hot in the presence of this new stranger. Nevertheless, this is totally inappropriate!!!

“Who are you, mister? And how the hell did you get in?! Is there a sign on the door saying ‘damsel in no distress, but come and grab anyway’?! I don’t understand any of this!” “Don’t understand, MC? Which part, my honey?” “The part where a freaking stranger waltzes in, embraces and kisses me - without my consent, may I add!” “I am here only to make good use of that mistletoe, my flower…And to thank my owner for believing in me~”

This hunk even has the audacity to wink at me!!! MC didn’t know if she was more baffled, irked, or embarrassed - or if those feelings were aimed toward the behavior of this guy or her own emotions…Why does my heart do backflips - just like when Hyun teases me!? It was such a puzzling reaction to a man she had never met before. “What in the world does that mean?! Owner?!” “Just that you own my heart - my full, intact, sensitive heart - only beating for you, my honey~.” MC sharply sucked in a lungful of air, to really reprimand this - God forgive her - astonishingly beautiful man. The next heartbeat, though, MC felt incredibly sleepy, her eyes fluttering shut almost as if her eyelids had weighed a ton. As she opened her mouth to speak, she felt something familiar, soft, and sweet peck her lips.

***

The weather had been excellent, not too many fans kept Zen from running his laps, and it was just an all-round perfect day for him! He returned home to the delicious smell of baked goods - and just had to risk MC’s wrath by tasting one gingerbread cookie. Finding the woman blushing in her sleep on the sofa - her mouth slightly agape - was too adorable an addition to Zen’s good mood...He just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to wake his girlfriend with a gingerbread-flavored kiss.

MC hardly even stirred when he pecked her lips. “Babe~” She started to register the familiar voice and touch as Zen spoke softly, his warm palm on her shoulder. “Are you awake yet, my flower~?” The man continued cooing at her, gently stroking her arm. His white rattail flowed over his shoulder, the tips of his hair swiping her cheek. “Wake up, foodgiver~” She scrunched up her nose, finally moving a little to push at the distracting sensation disturbing her sleep.

Mumbling quietly MC objected to being shaken from her sleepy state. “Hey, sit up for me, my honey~” The man continued to coax his love into returning to him from the land of dreams and a blissful smile bloomed on MC’s face as she finally managed to pry her eyes open. “Hey, Hyun…Did you have a good jog?” she muttered, still sleepy. A whiff of the fresh outdoors combined with his wonderful scent was home to her. The extra coziness thanks to the spices of the season didn’t help with waking her, either...

“I did! And the day gets better and better with your baking, Jagi~! Do you even know how you hold my heart~?” MC laughed along with Zen in the warmth of their small home, as they chatted about nothing and everything, nibbling on some cookies she’d set aside for the two of them. Eventually she worked up the courage to tell Zen all about her weird mistletoe dreams. After the tale was over, the man chuckled as he studied MC’s face - a tender, loving smile on his own. To her surprise, Zen didn't get miffed nor jealous of the imaginary guys in her subconscious.

Instead, he just asked one puzzling question - winking at her: “Tell me, how were their kisses compared to mine~?” This left MC blinking and utterly flustered. She couldn't lie that they would've been bad at it or even worse than Zen. Swallowing her words one after another, she opened and closed her mouth. Suddenly, something she hadn’t really noticed earlier dawned on her: the men in her dreams had called her ‘foodgiver’ and ‘my honey’. Why did he think to call me with those endearments - today of all days, and ones he’s never used before? Zen simply grinned radiantly, watching the expressions on MC’s face change.

Finally, the man pulled her into his arms in a tight, warm embrace - silencing her altogether. “Don’t think about it too much, babe~ Just know that I will love you forever, my cookie-giver, my flower - in every lifetime and each dimension.” The whispered words sent shivers down MC’s spine - but at the same time, they warmed her heart and calmed her down. She no longer mistook the encounters under the mistletoe for dreams. The woman sighed, wondering why she wasn’t nervous about that realization, either. MC trusted Zen with her life. She simply melted into his safe and secure hold, squeezing him back. She was so content right here with him. “I love you, too, Hyun.”

2018-2020 © MirjaH

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[returnerofthewrites]

Thoughts on Sonic Mania

This review/essay assumes that the reader has kept up with the social media releases in regards to the game, such as the reveals of Flying Battery and Stardust Speedway, the videos on the Special and Bonus Stages, gameplay videos of some zones released by Youtube accounts, and so on. However, it will not have any spoilers about zones, mechanics or things beyond this.

Everyone out there who’s already put out a review or video or whatnot on Sonic Mania has already started off by going into Sonic’s history, ups and downs and so on, so I won’t bore you with that. Everyone already knows about Classic Sonic, Sonic Adventure, Sonic 06 and Boom. There’s more interesting (and relevant) ways to do an intro for this anyway, and the 06/Boom stuff doesn’t bear repeating.

What does bear repeating, then? The fact that Sonic Mania is a very, very good game.

I’ve been a Sonic fan all of my life, starting with renting VHS tapes of both cartoons (AoStH and SatAM, not Underground) from the local Blockbuster, then eventually ending up with the PC versions of Schoolhouse and CD, and I’m willing to admit that, up until very recently, I was never particularly good at the games. As a child I always got stuck around Collision Chaos, and as I grew up and found out about emulation, I never exactly beat any of them, but it didn’t matter to me, because frankly, moving so fast, shooting through loops and the general feeling of momentum was so much fun.

The whole videogame news website meme of “Sonic was never good” thus understandably grates on me. The Sonic social media construct and everything else cracking jokes about his less-than-stellar outings and so on was cute at first, but it quickly gained that poisonous ironic tinge to it, like Sonic would never be able to step back out of the shadow of its own mistakes. Like when you see people on here or Twitter or whatever call themselves “furry trash” or “(X fandom) trash” or so on. Stop doing that. Don’t settle for acting like mediocrity.

Sonic Mania is the opposite of all of that. It feels like the freshest, most interesting, but most importantly, most earnest Sonic game in a long, long time. It was obvious to most people when the game was revealed that the game was going to be something special, and I think the hype for it only grew as time went on, even in the hearts of anyone who managed to be skeptical at first. There were no jokes, no self-deprecating wisecracks or memes, none of that. They simply stood up, head held high, and showed off gameplay after gameplay.

This game is exactly the game that Sonic has needed, now more than ever. This year in general has been great for games (between Breath of the Wild, Nier, Persona, and many other upcoming games like Mario Odyssey and the like), and Sonic Mania is another excellent chip to add to the pile. The sheer amount of passion and love for Sonic as a franchise that the developers (Taxman, Stealth, Tee Lopes and the rest of the Sonic 2 HD crew, and so on) have is palpable, and more importantly, it’s wonderful.

I have experience with Taxman’s work through the excellent Sonic CD port from back in 2011, so when I booted up the game and started a save file as Sonic and Tails, I felt right at home. Controls, as expected, feel very natural, and the physics and momentum are virtually unchanged from the CD port, which itself was already about as accurate as you could possibly get to the originals. I have the Switch version, which meant that I was primarily using the left buttons to play rather than the control stick, and while I would have preferred a normal d-pad, it worked just fine anyway.

There’s something to be said about how easy it was to pick up the game and slip into a groove. I had gone in intending to look at the same the way I had when I streamed Sonic 3 and Knuckles a while back (my first time completing that game, no less), looking at the level design and seeing how the game itself worked. Instead, I ended up getting completely sucked into each and every level I played, and I was completely enamored with the game as a result. While I could see the machine and its cogs all working together, I needed a couple days to cool off and some more time to play it after the initial rush to get my thoughts in order.

I suppose that, more than anything, is what speaks the most to the sheer quality of the game. The levels consist of a mixture of:

Recreated zones from older games, oftentimes with new mechanics or mechanics pilfered and repurposed from other games in the series

And entirely new zones like Studiopolis and Mirage Saloon, with their own unique gimmicks, setpieces and visual themes

And while it’s very easy to organize those things like that, the game itself is far more than the sum of those parts. Mania’s levels absolutely ooze with love and attention to detail, so much so that it took at least two full playthroughs for me to pick up on everything (and knowing me there’s probably more stuff I missed). The game feels like a best-of game, where it takes many of the fan-favorite or memorable things from all four of the classics (1, 2, 3&K, and CD) and mashes them together in order to get the most out of them.

Chemical Plant is probably one of the easiest examples to point to, and it’s just the second level. The second act’s arguably “major” gimmick is the chemical pools that can be altered into bouncy gel (both light blue and green), but it’s not the only gimmick the stage has on offer; there’s also sticky platforms that move on rails, pink bubbles that lift you from one area to another, as well as the classic pipes from the first act and the original zone.

That’s four different small mechanics, and I can happily say that all of them are integrated into the level design in very sensible yet surprising ways. The levels aren’t massive, but there’s still plenty to explore, and thankfully exploration isn’t quite limited to only Tails thanks to the addition of a carry ability you get when playing with Sonic and Tails.

Thankfully, the exploration never feels like it becomes the main focus (partly since the Special Stage rings are the only major thing to find, and partly because the game has a save system), and there were times during my initial playthrough where I was trying to explore but accidentally stumbled into a high-speed place, only to decide to just roll with it (hah) and see what I could find in the next section of the level I ended up in. It speaks to the heart and soul of Sonic as a game and as a character, and it’s a very, very happy feeling.

The game’s difficulty is also worth noting, mostly since it’s probably the smoothest difficulty curve I’ve ever seen in a Sonic game. I’m rather curious to hear how the developers picked the old zones to remaster that they did, since it often feels like they were chosen not just for their memorability and mechanics, but also for where they showed up in their original games. Zones like Green Hill and Chemical Plant are obvious choices; some of the ones that show up later on, when the game starts getting harder and nearing its finale, are not quite so expected, and personally are very welcome surprises.

This also goes for the bosses, which often feel like they were designed more to be interesting and engaging rather than simply difficult. None of them are all that complicated per-say, but around the end of the first third of the game, things start to become much more challenging, and by the final act everything reaches its peak.

That said, I never got a game over and actually ended my first run with my lives in the double-digits, despite having a few deaths in earlier zones and dying a few times to the final boss. I attribute this to the quality of the level design more than anything else, though. Bottomless pits are beautifully rare (aside from a couple sequences in Flying Battery, naturally), and all of my deaths were due to my own recklessness rather than unintentional crushes, spikes or enemy placement.

And best of all, the Special Stages aren’t annoying. In fact, I’d say they’re probably the best in the series, taking the best elements of the previous games’ Special Stages and mashing them together. They get tough, but still quite fair, and are rather exhilarating. The Blue Sphere bonus stages are quite nice as well, though I do kind of prefer the 3&K ones which get you shields and extra rings and lives. Mania’s bonus stages only give you a medal if you win, which counts across all saves towards unlockables, like the sound test and other, more gameplay-related specialties (which, unfortunately, can only be used in the No Save mode).

Also, have I mentioned the presentation? I talked plenty about the attention to detail in the gameplay, but the graphics! The music! Sonic Mania has catapulted itself into my top pixelart-y games ever. It is to 2D Sonic what Symphony of the Night is to Castlevania: rich, colorful, smoothly animated, and full of vibrant details and lots of foreground and background elements that are just as much fun to sniff out and spot as actual secrets in the levels. Seeing all of the goofy EGG TV things in Studiopolis, or spotting the ever-recurring Eggman face logo in various zones (stylized, of course, in the look of classic Robotnik’s face), had me smiling the whole way through.

The music, much like the rest of the game (as I keep repeating) feels like a mixture of the good of everything that came before it, and it’s often the highlight thanks to how the old zones, new zones, and their remixes/music respectively shake up the genres and moods. It’s very similar to Sonic CD’s soundtrack in that regard; the final zone’s music gave me a similar sense of foreboding that Metallic Madness’ US track did, and there’s the obvious, funkier comparisons to draw between something like Stardust Speedway and Studiopolis. And classic tunes remixed, like Chemical Plant and Flying Battery, amp things up nicely.

If there’s one aspect that I do feel like nitpicking, though, it’s the stage transitions. The game has an intro cutscene and does transitions between the acts and zones quite a bit during the first half of the game, but after a certain point things slowly start to go more of the Sonic 2 route of just going from zone to zone, with little tying them together aside from being in older classic titles. Like I said, though, it’s a nitpick, and certainly not enough to really put a damper on how good the game is.

On the whole, Sonic Mania feels like an absolutely triumphant thing, not just for Sonic fans but anyone who loves videogames. It really is like a bolt from the blue (heh), coming at just the right time to remind everyone, fans, non-fans and newbies alike, of just why Sonic was such a massive hit in the first place. By the time I finished my first run, I immediately had the urge to play it again, and the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I really needed to go to bed and get to work early the next day.

As for right now, though? I think I’m off to play through another zone or two of my current Tails run. Gotta speed!

[privateplates4u]

2018 Mercedes-Benz E400 4Matic Coupe First Test: Ooooh, Look at That!

Did you look at the taillights? No, really, how closely did you check out the 2018 Mercedes-Benz E-Class coupe’s lit up taillights? The superficially satisfying taillight design is said to have a crystal look, which is fitting from the same automaker that brought us the S-Class coupe’s Swarovski-crystal-filled headlights. When it comes to details that make coupe buyers feel special, the 2018 E-Class coupe knocks it out of the park with a B-pillarless smash. ‪Probably not a good idea to want a car for its crystal-look taillights, but check out how this @mbusa E400 coupe design detail sparkles!‬ #mercedesbenz #mercedeseclass #eclass #coupe #lights #crystal #details A post shared by Zach Gale (@zachgale) on Jul 26, 2017 at 7:00am PDT Of course, our 2018 Mercedes-Benz E400 4Matic coupe tester wasn’t perfect, but over the course of track testing as well as driving in traffic, on empty highways, and through winding canyon roads, the car mostly presented itself well. Because luxury coupes carry a “pretty” premium over similar sedans and are made to be seen, we’ll start with design. As with the S-Class coupe, the E-Class coupe continues a Mercedes tradition that’s been around for decades: a B-pillarless design on two-doors. The design detail actually improves visibility, but it is mostly cool because no one else in this price class does it. If the C-Class coupe’s exterior styling is “bar-of-soap boring,” as we called it during 2017 Car of the Year testing, the E-Class coupe is one attractive, half-melted bar of soap. Decide for yourself what you think of the exterior (and Mercedes’ diamond-block grille) by opening this review’s extensive gallery of photos. The only pimple on the 2018 E400 coupe’s design—one shared with the last-generation model—is that the rear side windows aren’t a one-piece unit such as those of the S-Class coupe, so a sliver of the rear side glass stays in place even when you lower all the windows. Compared to the last-generation model, the 2018 Mercedes-Benz E-Class coupe’s wheelbase has been stretched by 4.4 inches. The new two-door is longer (4.8 inches), wider (2.9 inches), and slightly taller (1.5 inches).Step inside, and you’re greeted by air vents inspired by turbine blades. It’s a rich touch for an interior that lives up to our tester’s $86,685 as-tested MSRP. Before you start adding options, know that for now, every E-Class coupe is powered by a 3.0-liter twin-turbo V-6 producing 329 hp and 354 lb-ft of torque. That engine is mated to a responsive nine-speed automatic that behaves well except in the car’s sport mode, where its very aggressive tuning can cause the car to lunge forward a little more than you’d like. Our car was equipped with a $1,900 air suspension that provided a smooth, if a little floaty, ride in comfort mode, but that changes drastically if you switch the car all the way to Sport+. When you’re in a sporty mood, I’d maybe stick with Sport because the suspension doesn’t feel as rough. No matter the driving mode, the 329-hp engine is well matched to a car such as the E-Class coupe, and for the 2018 model year, it is now available on the sedan, too. On the track, the all-wheel-drive 2018 E400 coupe accelerated from 0 to 60 mph in 5.2 seconds (Mercedes expects rear-drive variants to be 0.3 second slower). Road test editor Chris Walton remarked on the car’s “surprisingly linear, nonturbo power delivery,” and said that in hard acceleration, the nine-speed auto turned in smooth and quick shifts. We’ve tested an all-wheel-drive E400 wagon reaching 60 mph in 5.1 seconds, and an all-wheel-drive E300 sedan (with a 241-hp turbo-four) hit 60 mph in 6.5 seconds. Driven quickly around a street corner or on winding roads, the E400 4Matic coupe’s steering is surprisingly reactive, and the car exhibits little body roll. Braking from 60 to 0 mph takes a respectable 112 feet, and the coupe completed our figure-eight course in 25.7 seconds at 0.72 average g. Our tester had AMG Line visual upgrades that don’t translate to better at-the-limit performance. Testing director Kim Reynolds commented on the car’s “slow response to throttle” and said it was “hard to control the understeer.” This is the type of behavior you’ll find close to the car’s limits, and if you’re really seeking out the limits of your luxury coupe, smaller and sportier entries including the Mercedes-AMG C43 and Audi S5 might be more your style. As we noted in our 2018 E-Class Coupe First Drive review, this Mercedes shines as a boulevard cruiser. If you take some friends out to dinner, they’ll access the back seat by pulling a lever on the edge of the front seat that folds the backrest forward, at which point the seat automatically powers forward and up a little bit. In the rear seat, there’s actually a decent amount of legroom, plus some extra space for feet under the front seats. Those rear bucket seats are comfortable enough, though there’s no central armrest, and rear headroom is limited by the way the roof slopes downward toward the car’s rear. What might really keep the rear seat from being used for more than 30 minutes at a time—especially for passengers who get claustrophobic—is the small size of those rear-side windows. You wouldn’t sacrifice the coupe’s styling for a practical concern like that, though, right? If you really want a two-door, four-seat Mercedes without that issue, wait for the E-Class Cabriolet to roll into your local dealership. Both two-door E-Class models are pricier than the sedan, and our E400 coupe was loaded down with more than $25,000 of luxurious options. All-wheel drive is a $2,500 option that doesn’t actually come at the cost of lower fuel economy; the E400 4Matic coupe has the same 20/26 mpg city/highway rating as the rear-drive E400 coupe (in Real MPG testing, the car was good for 18.8/29.7 mpg). Standard equipment includes multimode drive settings that can adjust throttle sensitivity, the transmission, and the weight of the steering. A collision braking mitigation system, LED headlights and taillights, and the large 12.3-inch infotainment display with navigation as well as Apple CarPlay and Android Auto compatibility are also included. An awesome ambient lighting system is wonderfully integrated into the car’s interior and offers five intensity levels and 64 colors. The all-wheel-drive E400 throws in a feature called Magic Vision Control that might be worth getting on the rear-drive model (for $350) just for its eye-roll-worthy name alone. The E400 coupe’s slim windshield wiper blades have laser-cut holes out of which the washer fluid is released, reducing the chance that fluid will spray over the windshield entirely or run off toward the A-pillars. Other features on our $86,685 E400 4Matic coupe included a $2,500 AMG styling package that adds sportier design accents on the outside, different 18-inch wheels (19s are available), a black headliner, and a flat-bottom steering wheel that feels great. The adaptive air suspension is $1,900, and although the system can appreciably change the car’s dynamic performance from one mode to another, we’ve not yet driven a nonair-suspension E-Class coupe. Inflating our car’s as-tested price was a $5,400, 1,450-watt Burmester 3-D sound system with 23 speakers (including ceiling-mounted speakers) and a few listening modes. The system sounds great and those ceiling speakers even get some ambient lighting, but we’re guessing most will be satisfied with the available 590-watt Burmester option that has 13 speakers and attractive aluminum speaker grilles. Mercedes’ multi-camera parking aid is a well-executed version of the tech offered by many automakers, but that feature and a head-up display are bundled in the car’s most expensive package. If you actually have a limited budget, consider stopping at the second of three “Premium” packages. You’ll miss out on Mercedes-Benz’s most advanced active safety tech—though I found the adaptive cruise control left too much following distance on its closest setting—but you’ll still get the 12.3-inch digital instrument cluster, headlights that help you see around corners, and a few other features. If repair costs on some of the E400 coupe’s cool options don’t scare you, there is another feature I hope a future E-Class coupe will offer—a power-door closer. Just like most luxury coupes, the E400’s doors are long, heavy, and require an awkward reach to close if you get inside and realize you forgot to hold onto the inside of the door to close it as you sit down. So you can either remember to close the door as you get inside or, perhaps on a next-gen E-Class coupe, have the car do it for you. The E-Class coupe’s extensive options list, interior color combinations, and wood trim choices might be overwhelming to some buyers, but they’re a part of the car’s appeal. As with similar BMWs, most E-Class coupe customers will probably pick a car that most closely matches the options they want from dealer stock, but knowing you have so many ways of customizing your car is a luxury in itself. The E400 4Matic coupe doesn’t have any direct competitors of a similar size now that the BMW 6 Series is offered in convertible and four-door forms but not as a coupe. That leaves consumers interested in an E-Class coupe to also consider the smaller Audi S5, Lexus RC 350, BMW 440i, Infiniti Q60 Red Sport 400, or Cadillac ATS 3.6 coupe. The more expensive E-Class is not really designed to compete against them, but in a segment as ME-oriented as luxury coupes, start your search with designs that speak to you (and view them in person, if possible). The E400 coupe is a solid entry with few competitors, and especially if you’ve got many thousands of dollars to spend on extra-cost colors and interior options, it could be just the car for when the larger S-Class coupe is too ostentatious. 2018 Mercedes-Benz E400 4Matic Coupe BASE PRICE $62,395 PRICE AS TESTED $86,685 VEHICLE LAYOUT Front-engine, AWD, 4-pass, 2-door coupe ENGINE 3.0L/329-hp/354-lb-ft twin-turbo DOHC 24-valve V-6 TRANSMISSION 9-speed automatic CURB WEIGHT (F/R DIST) 4,305 lb (55/45%) WHEELBASE 113.1 in LENGTH x WIDTH x HEIGHT 190.0 x 73.2 x 56.3 in 0-60 MPH 5.2 sec QUARTER MILE 13.7 sec @ 102.2 mph BRAKING, 60-0 MPH 112 ft LATERAL ACCELERATION 0.90 g (avg) MT FIGURE EIGHT 25.7 sec @ 0.72 g (avg) REAL MPG, CITY/HWY/COMB 18.8/29.7/22.6 mpg EPA CITY/HWY/COMB FUEL ECON 20/26/22 mpg ENERGY CONS, CITY/HWY 169/130 kW-hrs/100 miles CO2 EMISSIONS, COMB 0.87 lb/mile The post 2018 Mercedes-Benz E400 4Matic Coupe First Test: Ooooh, Look at That! appeared first on Motor Trend.

http://www.motortrend.com/cars/mercedes-benz/e-class/2018/2018-mercedes-benz-e400-4matic-coupe-first-test-review/

[chinashopbully]

‘I Like Birds’ ch. 12 PREVIEW

(~2500 words) In which Bruce is exasperated, Tony is exasperating, and the author doesn't know shit about restraining himself from adding in a brief bonus!POV halfway through the story.

(also there's a donation request stuck in there at the bottom. don't want that to catch anyone off guard.)

He’s run out of things to try.

Bruce was already on the edge of doing something that’d instantly raise the Homeland Security alert levels. Roping the other Avengers in to help was supposed to increase his options, and thereby decrease his frustration, and thereby serve the overall purpose of world peace.

But of course, since Steve got pulled away on some international something-or-other, and Natasha already came and went with what seemed like maybe twenty minutes in between, only one Avenger has been around lately.

And of course, it had to be Tony.

“Have a little faith in the kid,” says Tony.

“Says the guy who tried to hold him against his will ‘for his own good’?”

“I’m never gonna live that down, am I.”

“I’ll forgive you when he does.”

“Gonna be tough to know when that is if he’s already drunk the Kool-Aid.” Tony pauses, scratches the hair at the nape of his neck. Bruce can’t tell if Tony’s overall greasiness is from handling machine parts or not showering. Both, probably. “Okay so that,” says Tony, “that came out wrong.”

“Damn well better have,” Bruce mutters, stalking away to the other side of the lab where there’s Less Tony.

Tony’s voice covers the distance a little too well. “All I mean is that if he really is chanting Oms and preparing his body for the mothership or whatever then nothing — nothing — we do or say is gonna bring him back down to earth. We try to reach out, it’ll just drive him away. Probably even prove some point about us outsiders being ignorant or hostile…”

“Not that I disagree,” says Bruce, not as under-the-breath as he intended, “but where was this understanding when you were having your AI lock down the building?”

“And anyway I don’t see how it’s our business either way.”

“How do you not give yourself whiplash?”

“Also,” Tony says, “he has powers. It not like he’s helpless.”

Bruce stares. “…I don’t want to sound like a broken record but—“

“So it takes me a while!”

The response sticks in Bruce’s throat. Fact: Tony Stark sucks at people. Sometimes willfully, often not. Occasionally it’s hard to tell which is which.

Bruce shuts his mouth.

Tony drops the torque wrench and reaches into the bag of blueberries dangling from DUM-E’s claw (probably on JARVIS’ orders). “Are we sure he’s not, y’know. Undercover or something?”

“If he were onto something — if this were work-related he’d tell us.”

“That’d be kind of a first.”

“He’d tell me.”

“You sound awfully sure of yourself.”

“He promised,” says Bruce.

“Well did he pinkie promise?” Tony leans back, and dear lord, when was the last time that face saw a razor? “Because that’s the heart and soul of contractual obligation.”

Bruce blinks at Tony’s pointedly guileless face before deciding that it’s not even worth the effort of counting to ten. He forces a smile. “It wouldn’t kill you to be slightly less of a jackass about everything.”

“That’s never been proven.”

He’s going through a rough time, Bruce thinks. He’s going through a rough time. He’s going through… “If not us,” says Bruce, “you know he’d at least tell Deadpool.”

Something metal gets thrown across the floor when Bruce isn’t looking; he jumps, presses a palm to his chest, sucks down the panic and swallows it away only through the aid of relentless practice. He stares at Tony in unbridled horror. He’s going through a very, very rough time, if he’s pulling stunts like that.

Tony gestures violently with one hand. “One, okay, I do not know that, and neither do you. We don’t even know when or, more to the point, why the kid left his place, but I will bet you an entire goddamn casino that Wilson did something shitty to drive him off. Guy’s the human personification of a fault line. Turns on a dime. Razes entire sections of the world at random. Doesn’t know pizza from roadkill and I’ve seen him go nuclear because he didn’t like the color scheme of one of the new-generation iPhone releases.”

“Meanwhile,” says Bruce, because he’s kind of in a mood now, “your response to being kidnapped was to spend the next few years building a personal army of weaponized armor and publicly claim ownership of world peace while daring known terrorists to come hurt your very few loved ones.”

For a moment Tony turns to ice, unmoving and brittle. Only for a moment. Then: “I am a model of mental health,” he says, breezing on. “Two, in the unlikely event everything is still sunshine and roses between spider-boy and Ol’ Hair Trigger, why in the name of sodium pentathol would Wilson tell us anything? I feel like his weird daddy-issues hero-worship thing he had for Cap kinda went belly-up. Because, again, turns on a dime.”

Bruce presses his thumb against a sudden sore spot on his forehead. “I can’t believe I’m about to defend Deadpool of all people, but it’s not like that was an unprovok—“

“Sure I mean, he might show up playing the I’ve Got A Secret game to try and squeeze a buck out of the deal, but he hasn’t, which most likely means he doesn’t know anything. But if you wanna track him down and interrogate him anyway, do me a solid and gimme a heads-up first because I’ve been meaning to test the new Hulkbuster armor.”

“Tony—“

“Three, and goddammit Brucie I hate to say this, I really do, but it gots to be said — maybe Spidey Krishna has been a long time coming and has nothing to do with anything. Not us, not nobody, not no how.”

“At the same time he’s been trying to track down the source of serial suicide bombers? Come on, Tony.”

“Coincidence. Fact is he’s no more emotionally stable than the rest of us at the best of times and god knows we’ve all flown off our own deep ends before. Typically, dare I say it, at the most inconvenient moment? Joining a cult is, like, the tamest of all possible outcomes, let’s be real.”

Bruce feels a dangerous burbling in his chest. Shuts his eyes for just as long as it takes to breathe in once, all the way, through the nose. Two fingers against his inner wrist. Pulse slows. “Claiming coincidence without investigation is just plain lazy,” says Bruce, with his eyes open.

Tony’s expression sours. “You’re paraphrasing. Badly.”

“Every effect has a cause. You either care enough to find out what that cause is, or you don’t.”

Tony narrows his eyes and hums in thought. “Wasn’t there something, somewhere, at some point, in some abrahamic religion, about the devil spinning scripture to his advantage?”

“Tony, I know you have a god complex, but comparing one of your pre-bandwagon rants to actual religious texts—“

“Pushing it?”

“A little, yeah.”

“Well, we were talking about cults, so. My mind was just in the gutter already, I guess.”

Bruce maintains a careful stoneface.

“Hm.” Tony flicks a blueberry in the air, catches it in his mouth on the way down. Again talks with his mouth full, which is sort of the Tony Stark equivalent of coughing and mumbling when you have to say something embarrassing. “Okay yes, my behavior before with the whole… y’know, kidnapping thing… was less than awesome and I was… less right than usual, okay? And now I just think we should leave him alone.”

“And I just think we should find a way to help him.”

“How, though? What’s he need?”

“I don’t know.”

“Because he’s not saying.”

Bruce raises his eyebrows, waiting for Tony to make his point.

“If he’s not saying anything then he’s probably not needing anything,” says Tony.

“Wow,” Bruce says. “I thought maybe you were just putting on a show so you could win the argument, but you really have pulled a U-ie.”

“Look, if you’re right, and this has nothing to do with spandex, and he really does want to be at Jonestown, then we’d be poking our way into his personal, poorly-guarded-secret-identity life and — aside from being just plain rude — probably fucking him up even worse in the long run, even if we did manage to get him to quit the club. And if I’m right, and he’s only there to work a job or… I dunno, whaddaya call it, a case? A mission? If he’s there to do Spider-Man stuff, then we’d be poking our way into that and probably fucking that up, which could get him killed. …I feel like this is overall just a no-pokey situation.”

“As if you never benefit from people sticking their noses in your business from time to time,” Bruce says, looking pointedly at the blueberry bag and Tony’s hand reaching into it.

“How dare you. JARVIS is not a ‘people’. He’s better than that.”

“I’m not saying we barge in guns blazing. But we should try to do something.”

“Great idea, and here’s another one: How ‘bout we don’t.”

“Enough don’t,” says Bruce. “We’ve been don’ting — or, you have been, rather — ever since—“

“JARVIS, music.”

“Which playlist, sir?”

“How ‘bout the GTFO party mix.”

Bruce isn’t sure how he immediately recognizes the opening of “Back Off, Bitch” by Guns N’ Roses — it’s very much not to his taste — but he does, and rolls his eyes.

It’s been over two months since both Spider-Man and reason fled Tony, and both have yet to come back. Been a little longer than that since Pepper left — physically left the Manhattan offices, since Tony refused to do so (the adult version of a child screaming get out of my room), and while Bruce sympathizes with her choices and with her need to be geographically removed from Tony, he more than sympathizes with Tony’s need for the anchor she provided.

These days Bruce can think of Betty without risking a news-breaking incident. If you’d asked him as a younger man whether a person could experience sadness so visceral that their body interprets it as a very real threat to life and limb, his answer would’ve been different, and uninformed. He still thinks “sadness” is a hell of a way to describe the existential anguish that is Betty’s absence from his life. Mostly, therefore, Bruce only thinks of Betty long enough to remember her name, and that they love each other — and that he has a good idea of what Tony’s going through with Pepper being gone.

And if Bruce can spend as much time with Tony as he does, then he must have some kind of nebulous, intuitive understanding of both how and why Spider-Man would spend time with Deadpool.

…And if Bruce is projecting onto both Tony and Spider-Man, he can’t help it. He’s not the most empathetic person, but sometimes empathy, like rage, is unstoppable.

Hmm.

He creeps up behind Tony — already back to “tinkering” and hellbent on ignoring him — and putting his hands on his knees, leans over. His mouth is an inch from Tony’s ear before Tony is even aware that Bruce is in his personal space.

“Mikey,” says Bruce, more than loud enough to be heard over the music.

Tony swats him with a backhand without looking. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU, BUT YOU GO RIGHT ON AHEAD AND KEEP TALKING.”

“His name’s Mikey!” says Bruce.

Tony throws down the screwdriver, waves vaguely for JARVIS to mute the music, and flops his hands on his knees. Sighs, heavily. “Don’t name it, you’ll just wanna keep it,” he says.

“He looks like a Mikey, too,” Bruce adds.

“Of course he does, he’s obviously an adorable babyface who was raised on wholesome cereal that’s a part of this complete breakfast. And overlooking the question of how the hell you found this out, why in the fuck would you tell me?”

Bruce shrugs. “He’s our friend.”

“Yes! He is! Our friend who loves his secret identity! And you know me, you know I’ll never be able to unlearn that. Why would you—” Tony squashes both hands to his face and takes a breath. “Look, I may be accidentally anathema to consistency, but I like to try anyway, okay? I’ve actually had to work very hard not to learn Spidey’s IRL bullshit. Do you understand how hard that is? Do you realize how much he sucks at the secret identity schtick, Gumby?”

“Gumby. Because he’s green. I get it.”

“Seriously. Why.”

Bruce shrugs. “To remind you that he’s human?”

“I know he’s human!”

“And that we all know you’re still very, very sorry about what happened, but running from your guilt by switching from extreme overprotectiveness to an extreme hands-off policy is probably not going to solve any problems.”

Tony narrows his eyes.

Bruce shifts his weight, settling back a little.

“Okay,” says Tony in a profoundly reasonable voice as he rises from the floor. His back pops, twice, when he stretches it. (His eyes bug a little, but he manages not to groan even though he clearly wants to.) “I’ll do some remote surveillance around the place and have JARVIS ping me if anything looks weird. I mean. Dangerous-weird, not creepy-weird. We’re already way past creepy-weird. So this way we’re doing something, but not sticking our hands in up to the elbow. Sounds like a pretty fair compromise to me. Coffee?”

It takes Bruce a couple seconds to realize he just won. “Great,” he says. “I mean, about the idea, not about the coffee. I know damn well that’s not decaf. …You shouldn’t have any, either,” he adds, reaching for the cold pot and holding it out of reach before Tony can touch it.

“Of course I should. I’m a busy adult with many important things to do. And cocaine’s still illegal.” He opens the minifridge, and Bruce closes it with his foot before a can of Monster can escape.

Tony fixes him with a look. “You’re cruel to me,” he announces.

“Mm-hm. How many hours since you slept?”

Tony pretends to consider the question, then gives up. “JARVIS?”

“Thirty-one hours, sir.”

“Thirty-one hours, Brucie Boy,” says Tony.

“C’mon,” Bruce says, reaching for Tony’s elbow. “You’re going to bed.”

“Nah! Nahahah nnno!” He curls away. “You’re gonna have to wash the hell out of your hands if you want to put them anywhere near me.”

“Tony, you’re standing there in a cloud of your own thirty-hour stink and I seriously doubt if you’ve changed your underwear since the weekend. Don’t talk to me about germs.”

Tony hisses.

Bruce makes a grab for him.

“Jesus, your hands are cold!”

“Come on.”

“I need an adult!”

“Tony—“

“I’m not tired.”

“Worse than a nine-year-old…”

“Ow! Did I say you could—“

“Would you just—“

“Okay! Let go, alright! Hands off, I’m going, I’m going.”

“Go to bed, Tony.”

“You’re not my real dad.”

Somewhere in the lava flow of his subconscious, Bruce can feel the Other Guy roll his eyes, at both of them.

Hey! If you like this scene, or if you like the fic in general, if it has added some kind of value to your life, and only if you are comfortable with it and can afford it, please consider tipping the author.

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[lynchgirl90]

#TwinPeaks’: David Lynch Talks About Reviving the Iconic Series

"Cable television is a new art house, and it’s good that it’s here," says Lynch, who talks Showtime, inspiration and the red room.

He dressed like a G-man.

When he arrived for his interview with Variety, David Lynch wore a black suit, a white shirt, a black tie, and wingtips. His hair was styled the same way as always, but what had once been jet black was now mostly white. The only pop of color on Lynch was incongruous; it emerged when he sat down for the interview. As he gestured while talking, a yellow plastic watch peeked out from the sleeve of his white shirt. It was the only item that didn’t make him look like his “Twin Peaks” character, FBI official Gordon Cole.

Lynch was as affable an interviewee as I’ve ever come across, but his answers were concise: His art may rely on the creation of a mysterious atmosphere, but in talking about his return to the world of “Twin Peaks,” he couldn’t have been more unequivocal and direct. When he disagreed with the premise of a question, which was not an uncommon occurrence, he did so in the friendliest possible way. The single longest answer  — and it was an impassioned one, at that — revolved around his thoughts on the state of non-tentpole cinema.

The director is nothing if not attentive; he actually closed his eyes at several points in order to focus as completely as he could on his answers. At times, he would knead his hands together as he spoke, eyes closed, focused inward. That intensity seemed appropriate, given that he spoke about how his work is often inspired by images that float up from the deepest parts of his subconscious. Lynch doesn’t take credit for the existence of the strange moods and disjunctive tableaus that fill his work; he says he just channels what he sees, and puts that out into the world.

One more unequivocal thing: Lynch hates the idea of spoiling the experience of watching one of his creations. So in the conversation below, which was excerpted in this feature story on the drama’s return, there are no details about individual episodes of the “Twin Peaks” return, which arrived May 21 on Showtime.

When you’re on the set, are you a director who wants to have a very exact rendition of what you’ve envisioned?

Yes.

Down to line readings?

Yeah, it has to be very specific, or it has to be something that works just as well. If it doesn’t work in the line of things, then you have to talk and adjust things.

Are you looking for the actors to collaborate with you and bring you an idea that they think might execute your vision?

Not really. You know, it’s mostly — they tune into pretty much to what it is, and if they don’t, it’s pretty quick to explain the thing. Then there’s some that are good and some that are great line readings. You just keep working until it feels correct to you.

Kyle MacLachlan has said that you have such a close working relationship that you often don’t even need to speak. Is that something that develops over time?

Yeah, I think so, but I think I’ve known a lot of people as long as Kyle. We’re real close and sort of on the same page. So if I have any kind of doubt, he’ll pick up on that and think about it and he’ll know why. He’ll play back in his head something and say, “Well, off we go again.” We don’t have to say anything.

Because he’s so in tune with what you’re going for?

Yeah, the character is a certain way and Kyle knows what that way is, so he knows if he veered off at any time.

When you were envisioning this return to “Twin Peaks” — actually, I’ll back up a bit. In a more general way, is it images that come to you?

No, an idea holds everything, really, if you analyze it. It comes in a burst. An idea comes in, and if you stop and think about it, it has sound, it has image, it has a mood, and it even has an indication of wardrobe, and knowing a character, or the way they speak, the words they say. A whole bunch of things can come in an instant.

When you began to consider returning to “Twin Peaks,” did you receive flashes of those things, and then it was a matter of finding ways to join them together?

Yeah. I work with Mark Frost, so we talk and we get ideas. We kick around those ideas, and they get more and more specific, and something starts talking to you, and they know the way they want to be, and then there it is.

When you say “they know,” you’re saying the characters know?

No, the ideas. You pick up on the way they want to be. That’s what I always say, it’s like fish. You don’t make the fish, you catch the fish. It’s like, that idea existed before you caught it, so in some strange way, we human beings, we don’t really do anything. We just translate ideas. The ideas come along and you just translate them.

And transmit them to other people.

Yeah. You may build a thing, and then eventually it gets finished, and you show it.

What were lessons learned from the first two seasons of “Twin Peaks” that you wanted to carry forward into this new experience with it?

For me, I wanted to be involved with all the writing and I wanted to direct all of them. Not that other directors didn’t do a fine job. But, it’s passing through different people, it’s just natural that they would end up with [something] different than what I would do. That’s what I learned.

In a perfect world, would you have loved to have directed all of the first two seasons?

Oh yeah.

Showtime first announced this project in October 2014, and now here we are in 2017, so it’s been a very…

Long time. And we were writing before that [he and Frost began collaborating again in 2012].

When you sat down with Mark again and decided to do this, what was it that made you think, “Yeah, we definitely need to do that.” You had an accumulation of ideas?

No.

No pile of fish that you’d caught?

No. It was 25 years later, which was [a time frame mentioned] in the original thing, and that’s one thing. Another is a love for the world and the people in the world. Then, as soon as you start to focus on that, that’s when ideas start coming.

The experience of working with ABC, do you look back fondly on that?

Sure. I mean, I didn’t really know that side of it. I just remember loving the pilot. The pilot to me is the thing. That sets the mood and the characters and the feel of “Twin Peaks.”

I can actually remember the quality of the light in the room the day “Twin  Peaks” premiered, because it’s so imprinted on me. Watching it again, that atmosphere in the pilot is still so effective and mysterious. I understand that the ideas come to you and you want to transmit them, but are you also trying to access an emotional state in yourself, or reproduce that in the viewer?

No, it comes with the idea and … emotion is a tricky thing. A bunch of elements that need to come together to conjure that feeling and have it go over into other people. I guess, like Mel Brooks said, “If you don’t laugh while you’re writing the thing, the audience isn’t going to laugh.” If you don’t cry or feel it while you’re doing it, it’s probably not going to translate.

At times, “Twin Peaks” is also a very funny show.

It’s a bunch of things. That’s the thing. It’s like life, actually — you could be crying in the morning and laughing in the afternoon. It’s the way it is.

Were you surprised when it came out how popular it was?

Yeah. You know, TV executives, I guess they worry, so they have some tests they do on shows, especially a pilot. Apparently in those days, it took place in Philadelphia, and there was a room full of regular people. On a scale from one to 100, it did a 52. It didn’t do terribly, but they didn’t have really any idea. Something happened between that test screening and the air date. Something went in the air.

Showtime Gary Levine, who was at ABC then, talked about how it was held for mid-season — people in the media got to see it and some of the buzz started that way. The interest built over time, and people began to hear about before it came out.

People hear about lots of things.

But there were fewer things to hear about 27 years ago. There was a lot less TV being made.

That’s true.

Why was it important to revisit that “25 years later” time frame?

Well, I had a thing happen to me [during the making of the] pilot. A pilot is open-ended. But in case the pilot flops, they ask you to do a closed ending — they call it the European version. Partway through shooting the pilot, people would say, “Remember David, you have to do a closed ending.” I had zero interest in doing that and no time to do it anyway. No ideas. Mark was not having any ideas.

In the editing process, one evening about 6:30 p.m., I think — it was very nice weather. Warm, and it was a nice sun, low in the sky. Me and [editors] Duwayne Dunham and Brian Berdan went out into the parking lot from the editing room, and we were talking about something. I leaned up against the roof of a car, like this [he folds his arms out in front of him, as if resting on a car roof]. The roof was so warm, but not too warm. It was just a really good feeling, and into my head came the red room in Cooper’s dream. That opened up a portal in the world of “Twin Peaks.” A super important opening, and it led to [the idea that it] took place 25 years later — that dream.

Were you worried about what network the new season would end up at and how it would be received?

No. You see the thing is, there are plenty of things to worry about, but it’s so enjoyable. If nothing happens, it’s still okay. This whole trip has been enjoyable.

You and Mark did ended up settling on Showtime. Why was that?

Well, a lot of reasons, but the long and the short of it is now I’m really happy to work with Showtime and [CEO] David Nevins and [president of programming] Gary Levine and [executive] Robin Gurney and all the people there.

So you brought Showtime the entire script in one 400-page binder. What was it like talking about that with them, getting their feedback?

I think, if you asked 100 people to read something, you’d get 100 different things. Like they say, never turn down a good idea, but never take a bad idea. You stay true to the ideas and you can’t veer off from those things.

I talked to David and Gary from Showtime about the problems that occurred in April 2015, when you said you were going to step away from “Twin Peaks.”

What did they say?

David Nevins said that, once it was explained to him what you wanted, he thought you were making a reasonable and rational request to potentially be able to expand what you were doing. But it wasn’t fitting the normal pattern of what business affairs was used to. That’s where he thought the hitch happened.

Basically, that’s it.

And as soon as he could, he and Gary went over to your house and you all drank coffee.

Gary brought treats for me. Some cookies.

So in the main, what’s your relationship been like with Showtime?

Solid gold.

When you went into production and were shooting it, what were some of the most exciting parts of it?

Every day was exciting. Every day. It’s supposed to be that way. It’s like, this is a day you work with this character, and they do this, and it’s this is part of the story, so it should be exciting. It should be a really great feeling when you get it. Each day you try to get it. I always say, in the morning, you have a glass bridge that you’re supposed to cross. It’s so delicate, you wonder if it will break apart. As you go, it turns to steel. When you get [what you want], it’s a steel bridge. Getting it the way you want it to be, that’s a beautiful high, and it’s a high for everybody. It’s difficult to go home and go right to sleep. And it’s murder to get up in the morning.

Did you feel like you had a bit more freedom with Showtime? Although I know you’ve said that ABC didn’t really place too many limits on you in terms of Standards & Practices.

No, we pretty much did what we wanted to do. [We did] what the story wanted. You don’t think, “Oh, I can do this now.” The story tells you what’s going to happen.

Would you do another season?

I don’t know. You never say no. You don’t know what will happen. It depends on a lot of things.

When I think about Agent Cooper, I see him as an optimistic man. He seems like someone who is excited to meet the challenges of life. How much of who he is is reflective of who you are?

Well, I believe in intuition. I believe in optimism, and energy, and a kind of a Boy Scout attitude, and Cooper’s got all those things. I think a real good detective has those things. He’s got more intuition than more detectives, though.

Was he an Eagle Scout, though, like you?

Was Cooper an Eagle Scout? I never thought about it. I don’t know.

Well, that could be season four, then — a prequel. In the main, do you watch much TV?

I watch some news. I watch the Velocity Channel. It’s about cars. That’s my new love, this Velocity Channel and the different shows where they customize cars and restore cars. It’s pretty great. These car guys are real artists, some of them. Some of these cars are so beautiful.

Do you watch any scripted TV?

I loved “Breaking Bad” and “Mad Men.”

Are you still going to make feature films?

Feature films are suffering a kind of bad time right now, in my opinion, because the feature films that play in theaters are blockbusters. That seems to fill the theaters, but the art-house cinema is gone.

If I made a feature film, it might play in L.A. and New York, a couple of other places, for a week in a little part of a cineplex, and then it would go who knows where. I built [“Twin Peaks”] to be on the big screen. It will be on a smaller screen, but it’s built for the big screen. You want a feature film to play on a big screen with big sound, and utilize all the best technology to make a world.

It’s really tough after all that work to not get it in the theater. So I say that cable television is a new art house, and it’s good that it’s here.

“Twin Peaks” airs on Showtime Sundays at 9 p.m

link (TP)

[feignedlikelihood]

affinities, up to page 79

“Did I recover from the minor tragedy of gifting someone I love earrings she will never wear?”

“Did I properly mourn my mother’s maple tree?”

“As if there were hardly any room inside of her to contain her memories... You don’t have to believe in ghost to feel haunted by the draft of vanishing memories”

“A woman gliding was—I’d devised—power incarnate.”

“There’s a degree of apathy inherent to children and how they prefer to recognize, or insist on misunderstanding, their parents. There is too—how can I put this?—an unspoken expanse. the wilds that separate us. An acceptance that love has many versions and one of them is, plainly, the act of not knowing. An implicative bargain between parent and child that leans on time’s mercy. Or maybe it’s the inaction of not knowing. The lulls we favor in order for each member of a family to guard some sanity—to sit through traffic, clear the table without fuss, not ask who was on the other line.”

“If cracking open scabs and peeling them off like bark on a tree were pleasing to her.”

“are pacified by tucking their hands in the warm seam of two thighs;”

“And splitting a sandwich with someone you’ve said maybe two words to all morning is idyllic. A brief belief that life picks up after a few bites of toasted rye.”

“At any rate, substantiating favorites is an absurd practice. The genius of the word is that it’s more of an expression than a word.”

“Whenever my friend and I are together, our entire mode approximates switchbacks on a mountain railway. The zigzag required to climb. The You were saying that rounds our conversations and never anticipates close, like jelly legs from long walks, but, in this case, breathlessness from having talked so much and lost our train of thought as if losing it were a custom of recovery.”

“At any rate, some ceremonies exist so long as they aren’t solicited for profound meaning. They are as is, hardly ceremony but what we repeat in order to make sense of how disentangling personhood is. They are nothing to effectuate. A lozenge that doesn’t do much except taste like honey. We get our auras taken in order to blueprint the week or consider why we’ve been emotionally congested, or, for kicks, plot some emotional solvency. We play with life in order to play life, and often all a dark patch means is a dark patch. Figurative, literal, neither, both. Take from it what you will.”

“Who dip their toes into the current, only to retreat and fantasize about the bowl of cereal they’d rather be scarfing down at home.”

“Entombed in thought. A distinguishing quality of the women I love, meaning, none of us are bothered by how infrequently we see one another. We have an arrangement that was never formally arranged. A consideration for turning down invitations. We are happy for the person who is indulging in her space, and how she might merely be spending the weekend unescorted by anything except her work, which could also mean: she is in no rush to complete much. She is tinkering. She is gathering all the materials necessary for repotting a plant but not doing it.”

“We are waking up to freckles dotting a person’s back, and leveling that we might be in love—not with this person, but with freckles and downy morning light, because unfamiliar contours before nine a.m. have a way. With someone new, even freckles become spotless. They are a surface blurred and time deferred. Everything begins simply enough.”

“The difference between collection and memorial has, in recent years, become less clear to me. My instinct to write things down often feels obituary. And with my parents, a gratuitous gamble with time.” 

“There are nights when I go to bed a little foolish and pretend the world is a disco ball and that the stars are simply reflected dots. That none of this is too dire and how the impossibility of knowing everything is an advantage. Most children grow up and plan to, at some stage, sit with a parent, a pad of paper, a voice recorder, and listen, Most children, despite good intentions, never make it happen.”

“We read a book that alters us but never talk to our parents about the books that change our fabric, so instead, the weather. The rain. The snow in April.”  

“Everyone drops the possessive “my”, and grown women start talking about Mom and Dad this, Mom and Dad that.”

“first self: daughterhood.”

“Starting somewhere, ending elsewhere. Testing the obnoxious reach of my tangents.”

“Un-poems”

“Perhaps they weren’t hair clips but clothespins. Who knows. We were children. Recycled containers were toys. Fonts on cereal boxes provided an exciting new style for drawing the hanging loop of a lowercase g. I played house because keeping busy looked entertaining. The hectic woman was a character in a video game, reaching the next level. Her unavailable stare as she opened and closed cabinets while listening to a child’s tedious story, or, by instinct, sponging the sink’s grime while talking on the phone strangely appealed to me. Perhaps it’s because, as a child, I perceived responsibilities as possibilities, carrying around one of those Sealtest bags if 2 percent milk, pretending it was my baby and returning it to the fridge before it got warm.”

“ferment”

“Similar to how sniffing a lemon when I’m carsick heals.”

“Even when I’m caught off guard by a lathery shade of peach on the bottom corner of a painting at the Met, as if being reminded that I haven’t seen all the colours, and how there’s more to see, and how one color’s newness can invalidate all of my sureness.”

“They seemed to suggest it’s okay to be someone who is slow to move on.”

“Betrayal can debilitate but it can also animate. It’s how even at one’s most suspicious, the heart speeds up—ticks, twitches, is a grenade—yet never stops.”

“The best ideas outrun me. That’s why I write.”

- Durga Chew-Bose, Too Much and Not the Mood

[johannesviii]

Earthworld

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Earthworld).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

This is exactly what everyone needed after the Earth arc, and especially after Escape Velocity and Anji’s lackluster characterisation. She’s reintroduced in this book, and what a wonderful addition to that TARDIS team! And the book tackles the topic of Dave’s death, where the previous one kinda refused to do so before sending Anji directly into space.

Come to think of it, the book tackles a lot of things it didn’t have to, and succeeds, too. Eight’s responsability in the destruction of Gallifrey constantly threatens to make a comeback in his mind. The issue of Fitz being a copy of the original Fitz is discussed at last - a thing all the books since Interference failed to do properly (including The Ancestor Cell). Come to think of it, Earthworld might just be the best Fitz book so far, which is a baffling thing to me considering that’s his twentieth book!

The plot itself is mostly a good runaround in an amazingly fun setting - it never really threatens to be more than that, but it’s still pretty refreshing. It’s a great standalone book, a fun romp, a very good character piece ; it works on nearly every level. What a breath of fresh air. 8,5/10

My bad, I seem to have picked the novelisation of An Unearthly Child.

We’re only on page one and I’ve already laughed out loud once. Good sign.

I just had a flashback of the scene from Memory Lane where Charley tries to use a mobile phone, and I imagined these two dorks trying to have a conversation over mobile phones and I’m giggling

Also Anji thinking Fitz and Eight are embarrassing idiots gives me life

This is a 3 out of 10 on the scale of Bad Ideas.

WE’RE ONLY THREE PAGES INTO THIS STORY AND I’VE ALREADY SAID “IDIOTS” THREE TIMES

Oh my god Eight

Thank you for your precious contribution Doctor

FITZ NO

Are you telling me that the Doctor can only use the sonic as long as he’s distracted and babbling about special interests now

Because that really speaks to me as a person

Meanwhile Anji is trying to cope with Dave’s death by writing him emails and this shouldn’t be that funny

Oh no he still has some memories of Sam and he doesn’t realise it

Okay so I need to make this t-shirt right now immediately

One thing I don’t really like about the writing is that some dialogues are entirely one-sided. It’s not the best example, but in some scenes you only get half the dialogue and it’s very strange.

We’re all very happy for you Doctor but why are you so happy about that

OH SHIT HAHAHA that’s a great idea!

Wait a f█cking second

Is this some sort of Disneyland very loosely based on Earth

I love you Anji

That girl must be a New Who fan who calls Ten “the second Doctor” probably

I probably should smile but I’m actually sad

That coat has only a few hours left to live & I have zero doubts about this

Here’s a better example of what I was saying earlier about having only one side of a dialogue. It makes scenes shorter, true, but it’s very distracting.

I’m laughing but I’m also pretty sure people from 3000 years ago would laugh their asses off if they could see some of our reconstructions of their lives

I still love you Anji

1) A++ description of McGann’s voice

2) That last bit was Not Okay

Also here’s Anji trying to determine which Jungle Book character suits the Doctor best and it looks like a long shitpost

First I laughed about Fitz being the orang-utan, and then I remembered that character really wants to be human and I abruptly stopped laughing

You were on Earth and you didn’t see Blade Runner when it came out? Aw

“he mentally kicked himself for not even being able to look at a babe without thinking of the Doctor” I’m screaming

How did you guess

Only every three months?

Considering it’s been 30 books since Seeing I, and taking into account the fact that I almost wrote “TOO SOON”, we can safely assume that I will never, ever be over Seeing I

I absolutely love this conversation, and also sky-blue pink is still a color, just an impossible one, and it’s quite pretty

Holy sHIT TALK ABOUT MOOD WHIPLASH

OH NOOOO, HELP, CUTE

THIS SHOULDN’T BE THAT F█CKING FUNNY

HE JUST SLIPPED IN THE DAMN BLOOD WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD

Unfortunately this is what popped first into my mind before the most logical explanation for their names

9847221° friendly reminder that I absolutely love Eight

FITZ NO

This book makes me laugh way too often this isn’t fair

Oh the indignity

Fitz no. Just. No.

I just choked on my cereals

1) They think Aristophanes plays are cookbooks and they aren’t even questioning this, like, how does that fucking work

2) Fitz once got trapped in the classical section of the TARDIS library

3) for two days

4) for two DAYS

5) and decided to read old plays just in case there was some sex scenes in them

holy shit

there’s genuine tears of laughter in my eyes

This book is quite the emotional rollercoaster isn’t it

Okay so that explains quite a few things. Fitz is with the originals, then.

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE YOU’RE A ROCK STAR FITZ KREINER

I shouldn’t be laughing so hard

I’m still laughing but I’m also so happy for him

Live the dream, Fitz, live the dream

Well except it wasn’t technically you, except it was, except it wasn’t

HOLY SHIT ARE WE FINALLY GOING TO ADDRESS THIS PROPERLY?!

NOT

F█CKING

ALLOWED

OUCH

Addressing a disturbing trend in SF! Good!

Well to be fair, theropods are sorta like big swans

1) Eggy-put Zone

2) Dozens of cats

Hey wait a f█cking second that’s not the same sphinx okay that’s a whole different mythology, also I’m laughing again, this book is probably adding quite a few extra months to my lifespan

Friendly reminder that I love Anji

Which would definitely work on you, Doctor, just a reminder

Meanwhile, in Not Okay Land

At the moment? Not much

I... sorry there’s a thing in my eye

I’m so happy for him

HA HAHAHA

SPOKE TOO SOON F█CK

Back to a place I haven’t been to in a long time, aka “want to hug Fitz and rock back and forth” street

Meanwhile Fitz is doing the same thing to a small crocodile

STORY OF MY F█CKING LIFE

Listen Eight I'm still not ready for The Turing Test references at this point and you’re making me really sad so please stop

Here’s a quick update on the “Johannes loves Anji” situation

Keep this poster for the TARDIS

Something is extremely wrong

Meanwhile, in “Eight finds new and interesting ways to hurt himself”

Oh so that Fitz was an android, then.

Every time I think this book can’t get more bonkers, I’m proven wrong

I would pay money to see a tv version of this damn scene

I shouldn’t laugh but I can’t help it

“HE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT HE WAS DOING WHILE HE WAS DISTRACTED”

Unexpected Dark Eyes: The Great War feels

WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS

I DON’T THINK FITZ IS EVER GOING TO BEAT THAT AS FAR AS “EMBARRASSING MOMENTS” GO, THAT ONE PUTS “GETTING MUGGED BY A UNICORN FOR A CHOCOLATE BAR” TO SHAME

His life is so full of horrible things that his only reaction to being locked up in a cell with a corpse is “at least it’s not rotting yet”.

Oh shit they found about the TARDIS that can’t be good

“Nothing good could possibly be called ‘the machine’”

NOT. F█CKING. OKAY.

This is stressful but also fascinating??

Good. Good.

You’re not telepathic Fitz Kreiner so I doubt she got all that

I completely forgot he had lost his trousers and now I’m laughing again

Told ya

You can’t swim? You can’t swim?? You go through time and space and you can even spacewalk but you can’t swim????

Anji is unexpectedly strong

I’m so happy he still remembers Iris on some level even if he couldn’t recognise her in Father Time

1) Hugs

2) Hugs are good

3) Anji huddled in Eight’s velvet coat

4) “he seemed to count in her head as another girl”

Filed under “need to draw at some point”

Marlin and Lancelet

I have no words

Eight plays “Marlin” because of course he is

Also I’m not screening everything but Anji was brilliant

BAD IDEA

VERY BAD IDEA

9 OUT OF 10 ON MY SCALE OF BAD IDEAS

FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH FITZ

NOOOOOOO

This is so damn weird. Funny and stressful at the same time.

Eight is reliving the memories of the dead queen and it is so f█cking weird

In a good way but still

YES BUT I DON’T WANT TO ALARM ANYONE BUT THEY WERE STILL CONNECTED TO THE THING SO I EXPECT SOME SIDE-EFFECTS

HAHAHA

Also “to Fitz’s incredulous horror”

Uh guys

Guys if he thinks he’s dead now, shouldn’t you worry about that or something

I told yoU GODDAMMIT

“quietly pleased”

Oh, that explains quite a lot, actually.

I just realised Anji’s was only coping thanks to pure adrenaline and constant distractions since Dave’s death and she’s inevitably going to crack sooner or later once everything is solved here.

AND STRAIGHT BACK TO THE BAD IDEAS

Hmmm cute?? Not acceptable? Thank you

The TARDIS did a very good job and all is well.

Every time that happened before, that person died, Fitz

Crisis averted.

I’m getting surprisingly emotional about all this

Well I’m really f█cking sad now

Don’t make me cry please Anji oh no

The butterfly room is still there but is now empty after all the butterflies were nailed to that door in The Ancestor Cell and I’m getting teary but also kinda happy, this feeling is extremely confusing

A++ ending, goddammit that last scene was wonderful

[asfeedin]

The Best Xbox One Games (April 2020)

The Xbox One might not have the same selection of exclusives as the PlayStation 4 or Nintendo Switch, but the handful it does have is worth checking out. Some of the best Xbox One games are first-party titles, but you’ll find loads of other quality games from the likes of Electronic Arts, Bethesda, and Ubisoft that comprise a huge library of games worth playing. In addition, many of them look the best on Xbox with the power of the Xbox One X.

Thanks to a strong lineup of shooters and racing games, fans of those genres needn’t look any further than Microsoft’s Xbox. It also boasts many great platformers you aren’t going to find on other consoles. Whether you’re looking for a lengthy single-player game with a great story or an online world to get lost in with friends, there is something for you.

From Control to Rocket League, these are our picks for the best Xbox One games.

Here’s a quick-jump menu if you’re looking for a specific genre:

Action

Darksiders Genesis

The other three Horseman of the Apocalypse use melee weapons in the Darksiders universe, but Strife prefers his handguns. In the prequel game Darksiders Genesis, developer Airship Syndicate turned the series into an isometric dungeon-crawler, and Strife’s attacks are reminiscent of twin-stick shooters. He’s joined by the melee-focused War, and the two can swap at any time when playing solo.

Darksiders Genesis ditched the open-ended design of the main series for mission-based stages, but they’re stuffed with secret collectibles and new abilities that make it imperative to replay missions. Numerous difficulty levels and unlockable areas ensure it won’t wear out its welcome.

Control

Remedy Entertainment fans got a taste of the studio’s potential with the Xbox One game Quantum Break, but Control is a much more refined take on the third-person shooter genre. Set in the morphing headquarters for the Federal Bureau of Control, Control is a “paranatural” mystery that starts weird and only gets weirder.

As protagonist Jesse Faden, you’re given the role of director upon your entry and must work to purge the Hiss enemies from the Bureau. You do this with the help of your unique superpowered abilities, which include telekinesis and mind control. Alongside these, you have the Service Weapon, a unique handgun that shifts forms and functions like a shotgun or even a machine gun. It makes Control’s combat satisfying and encourages experimentation.

Read our full Control review

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

From Software had the option to release another Dark Souls game. Instead, the legendary studio created an entirely new franchise with Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. This action game takes plenty of inspiration from Dark Souls and Bloodborne, but the addition of a Posture system for deflecting attacks — along with a resurrection mechanic — help make it feel like a distinct game in its own right.

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice is ludicrously difficult, which could turn off From Software newcomers. Those who have the time and patience to battle through its boss fights, however, will find one of the most rewarding and addicting action games of the generation. The pain is good, and we want more.

Read our full Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice review

Devil May Cry 5

After taking a darker direction with DmC from Ninja Theory (more on that developer in a bit) back in 2013, the original series returns with Devil May Cry 5. Set after the events of the four other games, Devil May Cry 5 puts you in control of three different characters, each with unique weapons and abilities to master. Nero’s brutality contrasts Dante’s flashiness, and both are about as different from V’s demon-spawning style as possible.

Devil May Cry 5 feels like the perfect blend of old and new, with a gorgeous engine making it one of the prettiest games on the Xbox One. It hasn’t lost the series’ challenge, however, and a second run on Son of Sparda difficulty mixes up the enemy variety to put your skills to the test.

Ashen

From Software’s excellent action-role-playing game Bloodborne isn’t available on the Xbox One. Instead, owners get their own Souls-like game in the form of Ashen. Like the best games in the genre, Ashen forces players to think tactically as they approach situations, dodging and carefully choosing their attacks to avoid being overwhelmed. Stamina must be preserved, and the game’s dreary and gray color scheme only gets you in the mood to kill.

Where Ashen differs from its competition, however, is in its watercolor-like art style. Characters in the games don’t have faces, almost like you’re trying to remember who you saw in a dream, giving the game a surreal feeling. It also supports a passive multiplayer component, where you can choose to cooperate with other players or force them to continue alone.

Gears 5

The Coalition outdid itself with Gears 5, a third-person shooter that improves on its predecessor in nearly every way. Combat feels just as perfect as ever, with intense shootouts against both Swarm and robotic DeeBees. More open-ended areas feature side missions that add additional context to the game’s world.

Gears 5 is one of the best games in the entire series, with psychological horror elements sprinkled throughout its story and a tremendous selection of cooperative modes. The new Escape game mode is great for aggressive players, and the competitive multiplayer doesn’t change what was already nearly perfect.

Read our full Gears 5 review

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

Although the story remains the main draw for the Metal Gear franchise, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain trades lengthy cutscenes and monologues for open-world gameplay that provides countless ways to approach any mission. Tranquilizers, sniper rifles, shotguns, a remote-controlled robot arm; all this and more is available, giving the game an endless sense of replay value.

After completing a mission using a stealthy, nonlethal approach, one may feel the urge to replay the same mission, marching into an enemy outpost with a machine gun and a rocket launcher to burn the whole thing down. Few games encourage experimentation like MGSV.

Despite some questionable narrative choices, MGSV is a powerful ending to one of gaming’s most important franchises, setting a new bar for open-world gameplay.

Grand Theft Auto V

The most commercially successful video game — or media product — of all time, Grand Theft Auto V deserves its popularity. The open-world criminal action game builds on what Rockstar Games has done well for decades, with a staggering number of side activities to complete and locations to visit.

Its three-protagonist main story is both emotional and hilarious, with the psychopathic Trevor often stealing the show with his violent and over-the-top outbursts. It only gets better when you enter Grand Theft Auto Online, which allows you to gain influence in Los Santos and show the world why you deserve respect.

Despite being nearly five years old, the game continues to get new content updates. We anticipate it will live on for at least another five years.

Read our full Grand Theft Auto V review

Nier: Automata

Nier: Automata/Square Enix

A stunningly well-realized version of auteur director Yoko Taro’s vision, Nier: Automata is a depressing and existential action game that avoids many of the narrative traps associated with android stories. There are no questions regarding what it means to be human, but rather what it means to be yourself. Protagonists 2B and 9S struggle to accept reality, making for some of the most emotional moments we’ve ever experienced in a game.

With Platinum Games handling the combat, it’s also a flashy and tight action game complete with twin-stick shooter segments to break up the monotony.

Read our full Nier: Automata review

Sunset Overdrive

Sometimes games don’t have to be anything other than fun, and Insomniac Games demonstrates that perfectly with the Xbox One exclusive Sunset Overdrive. Mixing the goofy third-person shooting of the studio’s Ratchet & Clank series with the navigation of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater or Jet Grind Radio, Sunset Overdrive constantly has you on the move to build up your combo and take out more enemies.

Its silly anti-corporate story is certainly derivative, but it packs in plenty of hilarious characters and self-aware moments. Once you complete the main story, it’s an absolute blast to just soar around the city and find every secret.

Read our full Sunset Overdrive review

Red Dead Redemption 2

Red Dead Redemption 2/Rockstar

It’s rare that a AAA open-world game can surprise us, but Rockstar’s Red Dead Redemption 2 manages to do it regularly. The western is a prequel to the 2010 game Red Dead Redemption, but it is far more than a simple retread of that title’s themes.

As a member of the Van der Linde gang, protagonist Arthur Morgan must wrestle with his past and his uncertain future as the government hunts down the remaining outlaws in a rapidly changing Wild West locale.

Every story mission is absolute gold, never falling into a pattern of repetition. The emergent activities you’ll discover in the open world are engaging enough to keep you busy for hours. Want to cause chaos or just hunt game? You totally can, or you could try your luck at a few hands of poker. It’s also available on Xbox Game Pass, sweetening the deal for the subscription service.

Read our full Red Dead Redemption 2 review

Action-adventure

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order isn’t exactly the most original or innovative game we’ve played. It’s a blend of elements from big-name game franchises like Uncharted and Dark Souls, but with all the classic Star Wars tropes. Despite this, it excels because it so smartly pulls mechanics and structural pieces that fit the Star Wars formula well.

Split between exploration, puzzle-solving, and combat, Fallen Order never feels like it’s wasting your time. When you finally get protagonist Cal Kestis outfitted with his best Force powers and a customizable lightsaber, he feels like an unstoppable warrior who can take on waves of Stormtroopers without issue.

With brilliant performances and a mesmerizing score, you have one of the best Star Wars games since BioWare’s Knights of the Old Republic series.

Shadow of the Tomb Raider

Shadow of the Tomb Raider is the finale to the trilogy that began with the Tomb Raider reboot in 2013. It builds on everything the previous games did and more, highlighting the Lara Croft we know and love who finally ditches fear for total confidence. It’s packed full of engaging combat, fun environmental puzzles, and moving cinematics.

Given this is the third installment, you should play the also excellent Tomb Raider and Rise of the Tomb Raider before diving into the shadows.

Read our Shadow of the Tomb Raider review

Sea of Thieves

If you ever wanted to sail the treacherous seas roleplaying as a pirate with a group of your friends, Sea of Thieves is the Xbox One game for you. Embark on voyages, discover treasure, raid enemy ships, customize your rig, and be the best scallywag this side of the sea has ever seen!

Sea of Thieves feels like a lighthearted pirate simulator. You and your friends go on adventures but also work together to accomplish menial things like putting up the ship’s sails and navigating through dangerous waters. The best part? The entire game is cross-platform, so you can play with your friends on PC. Over time, it has grown into a respectable online service game with more content to pursue than ever before, despite its really rough launch. 

Survival Horror

Resident Evil 3 Remake

Resident Evil 2 Remake raised the bar for what a remake could be when it released in 2019. Just a year later and Capcom wowed fans of the series again with its follow-up in the form of Resident Evil 3 Remake. This iteration takes place right around the same time as Leon and Claire’s tale in the previous game, but with Jill Valentine returning as the main character.

The same survival horror elements are all here as players have to contend with limited resources and terrifying creatures that are stalking the gorgeously-rendered streets of Raccoon City. That isn’t even taking into account the relentless, gruesome Nemesis who stalks you with some serious firepower. With a bit more action thrown into the mix, you can’t go wrong playing this terrific remake.

Read our Resident Evil 3 Remake review 

Fighting

Mortal Kombat 11

Some game franchises suffer from fatigue after their first few entries, with later games paling in comparison to the originals. NetherRealm’s Mortal Kombat is not one of those series.

Mortal Kombat 11 is a fighting game designed by masters of the genre. It offers brutal and complex combat while also including tutorial and practice systems so newcomers can enjoy the game. The addition of the Fatal Blow system makes every second of a fight suspenseful, even if one player has a huge advantage. Not to mention,the infamous Fatalities are gorier than ever.

Mortal Kombat 11 is also, hands down, one of the prettiest games on the Xbox One. Animations — both for faces and attacks — are stunning, and there’s a sense of fluidity that we rarely see outside of NetherRealm’s work. With a ton of different modes to choose from and an over-the-top story to play through, Mortal Kombat 11 is well worth the price of admission.

Read our full Mortal Kombat 11 review

Dragon Ball FighterZ

There have been dozens of Dragon Ball Z games produced over the years, and nearly all of them are poor or just decent at best. Arc System Works managed to not only set a new standard for the series with Dragon Ball FighterZ, but it also managed to create one of the best fighting games of all time.

The tag-team fights look like they were pulled directly from the anime, with crisp animation and all the classic series attacks you can think of. But FighterZ is also one of the most accessible fighting games around. Even someone who has never played a fighting game can get the hang of it quickly, but its remarkable depth has made it the new favorite of the fighting game community.

Read our full Dragon Ball FighterZ review

First-person shooters

Borderlands 3

Few first-person shooter franchises are as big as Borderlands, and its numbers-based approach — as well as its heavy emphasis on looting new weapons — helped to make it a hit for shooter fans and role-playing fans alike. Never before had a game felt like Diablo with guns, and Borderlands 3 delivers on the all-out action, goofy humor, and bizarre characters we’ve come to expect from the series. Gearbox didn’t reinvent the formula after all these years, but the studio didn’t need to.

Borderlands 3 also greatly expands the scope of the series, taking it from just the planet Pandora to several other locations. The variety helps make the game feel fresh without losing what made the series so beloved in the first place.

Metro Exodus

The Metro series breaks from the trend of most post-apocalyptic shooters’ “fun during the end of the world” themes for a bleak and borderline nihilistic story that underscores the horror of nuclear war. Metro Exodus, the third game in the series, is 4A Games’ most ambitious project, moving much of the action out of the titular subway system and onto a diverse landscape filled with various mixes of sand, trees, and snow.

It remains Metro at its heart, however, with scavenging and resource management still crucial as protagonist Artyom braves the game’s hostile environments. The focus on gear customization also allows you to approach combat in whatever way you see fit, including pure stealth or guns blazing action. There isn’t a correct option for these encounters and the dangers you encounter while moving to the next objective can often result in your plan going down the drain before it begins.

Read our full Metro Exodus review

Halo 5: Guardians

343 Industries wasn’t content to deliver exactly what fans expected in Halo 5: Guardians. Longtime protagonist Master Chief largely takes a backseat to newcomer Spartan Locke on an adventure that hops across multiple planets and features a favorite supporting character in a very different role.

It’s a gorgeous game full of jaw-dropping moments, but multiplayer is where Halo 5 really shines. Between the classic arena competitive matches and the large-scale Warzone mode, there’s enough content in Halo 5 to keep you fragging your friends for months or even years on end.

Read our full Halo 5 review

Halo: The Master Chief Collection

Halo: The Master Chief Collection is the perfect introduction for Xbox One owners new to Microsoft’s console family. Containing the first four numbered games in the series — as well as their prequel, Halo: Reach — it’s enough content to keep you busy for weeks and months on end. Halo 2: Anniversary is a highlight of this package, a remastered classic with new cinematics and sound effects, that even shows up Halo 5.

As you may have heard, Halo: The Master Chief Collection was a bit of a mess at launch, but the game’s server issues have stabilized. There are more than 100 maps to choose from, spanning from the original Halo to Halo 4. The majority are remastered versions of old favorites, but a select few were rebuilt from the ground up specifically for the collection. Of course, if you’re like us, you’ll be spending all your time blowing your friends up in Blood Gulch anyway.

Read our full Halo: The Master Chief Collection review

Destiny 2: Forsaken – Legendary Collection

Bungie seemingly rushed the original Destiny to release, offering a campaign mode that didn’t make much sense and a surprising lack of endgame content. Destiny 2 aimed to right these wrongs and its campaign is everything we expect from developer Bungie – loud, fast, funny, and a whole lot of fun.

Now more than a year after launch, Destiny 2 has evolved in surprising and great ways. While the first two smaller expansions didn’t add much in terms of depth, Forsaken, the most recent and largest DLC, gave the experience a welcome makeover. Rife with new endgame content, missions, and areas to explore, Forsaken changes the identity of Destiny 2 and will keep Guardians busy (and happy) for the long haul.

With Shadowkeep and more now out as well, there is more than enough reason to dive into Destiny 2 as the online first-person shooter continues to grow.

Read our full Destiny 2: Forsaken review

Doom Eternal

A sequel that is even better than the 2016 reboot, Doom Eternal is a confident and lightning-fast first-person shooter from the masters at id Software. It expands on its predecessors’ movement-centric combat with Glory Kills providing health when performed on staggered enemies, and there are more than twice as many types of demons ready to tear the Doom Slayer limb from limb. They’ll have a hard time doing so, as he’s packing a spring-loaded arm-blade, powerful chainsaw, and a huge arsenal of guns.

Where Doom Eternal far surpasses 2016’s Doom is its competitive multiplayer Battlemode, which shifts the generic deathmatch modes to asymmetrical battles between one Doom Slayer and two demons. Every battle is a tense affair from beginning to end, with the demons capable of spawning more allies to their side and ganging up on the Slayer as he attempts to evade and launch his own counter-attack.

Read our full Doom Eternal review

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare defined the Xbox 360. Its intense single-player campaign played out like a blockbuster film while it’s competitive multiplayer kept the disc in players’ consoles for years.

Infinity Ward returned to the sub-series with the reboot Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, a game that understands what fans loved about the original game without feeling trapped by its legacy. This time around, the story is told in a more grounded and realistic way, with disturbing content that is not included for mere twists or shock value.

Competitive multiplayer has also been refined, adding the massive Ground War mode alongside staples like Team Deathmatch and Domination. With the recent release of Warzone battle royale, there is even more to love about this game.

Read our full Call of Duty: Modern Warfare review

Overwatch

Overwatch has become nothing short of a phenomenon since it launched in 2016. The team-based hero shooter features a refreshing take on objective-based multiplayer action that emphasizes teamwork and strategy over brute force.

With a selection of more than 20 playable heroes, plus at least one additional character added for free through post-release updates, Overwatch encourages you to experiment with different styles of play. Though Soldier: 76 may appeal to longtime shooter fanatics and Reinhardt seems like the obvious choice for RPG lovers, you’ll quickly find that keeping teammates alive as Mercy or holding down a crowded area with Hanzo can be just as rewarding.

Read our full Overwatch review

Free-to-play

Fortnite

Fortnite needs no introduction. Epic Games’ third-person shooter — and its free battle royale mode — took the industry (and the world) by storm with its unique mix of last-man-standing action and building mechanics. It dominates children’s conversations at school, sparked countless imitators, and even managed to surpass PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds, which used a similar structure that served as the main inspiration for Fortnite battle royale.

With a consistent stream of content updates always giving players something new to do or see, the player-count remains high while some parents even buy tutoring sessions to improve their kids’ skills — and their own.

Read our full Fortnite Battle Royale review

Microsoft

Warframe

With deep customization options, a surprising amount of lore, and engaging moment-to-moment gameplay, Warframe doesn’t feel like a free-to-play game. The many quests and activities you’re required to complete can keep you playing without regard for any other game for weeks.

The parkour navigation and a mix of third-person shooting and melee combat will take some time to master, but having a solid team by your side will make the experience much less daunting. Its cooperative missions make it a great choice to play with a group of friends online. Warframe arrived on Xbox One in 2014 and has since received continuous updates.

Microsoft

Apex Legends

Apex Legends is a squad-based battle royale from Respawn, the studio behind the excellent Titanfall series. While it doesn’t have the Titans or the awesome wall-running, Apex Legends is a refreshing entry in the battle royale genre. The 60-player format splits players up into teams of three, with each contest choosing from a pool of eight legends with unique abilities.

Apex Legends has the best nonverbal communication system we’ve seen in a multiplayer game. The ping system lets you place markers on weapons, enemies, and other points of interest to help you keep your teammates informed. There’s no need to even speak through a mic. It’s that good.

The spacious sci-fi map is full of surprises and little details. The gunplay is as good as Titanfall and feels great in the battle royale format thanks to varied options and a bunch of cool attachments. And in a change from other battle royale games, you can bring teammates back to life after a bit of recon work.

The best part about Apex Legends? It’s free-to-play and none of the microtransactions give you a competitive advantage.

Sandbox/building games

Minecraft

One of the most popular games of all time, Mojang’s Minecraft was a hit on Xbox systems long before Microsoft bought the developer. Its nearly endless creation tools allow players to make unique and impressive structures, and its simple survival gameplay offers a challenge for those looking to venture into the unknown and slay the monsters they find.

The Xbox One version is one of the best, as the recent Bedrock update enabled cross-play with other platforms like iOS, PC, and Nintendo Switch. No matter where your friends are playing Minecraft, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to build and explore together. Minecraft is also an awesome choice for relaxing on your own.

Stardew Valley

It might have begun its life as a spiritual successor to the Harvest Moon series, but Eric “ConcernedApe” Barone’s Stardew Valley has arguably become more influential and revered than the series it tried to emulate. A farming adventure styled after classic 16-bit games on the Super Nintendo, Stardew Valley packs full of charm and character, and in addition to offering a variety of different crops to plant on your farm.

It also features dangerous dungeons to explore and several different characters to romance. The game’s polish and stunning variety is particularly impressive when you consider that Barone was a first-time game developer.

No Man’s Sky

Xbox One fans had to wait more than two years to get their hands on Hello Games’ No Man’s Sky, but the game they eventually received was far better than the one released back in 2016. The Next update overhauled many of the game’s systems and requirements, resulting in more engaging adventures that no longer felt like blind busywork. Improvements like base-building allow you to feel like you’re truly living in the game’s enormous universe, rather than merely looking at it from a distance.

The biggest addition, however, was multiplayer. It finally gave players the chance to explore uncharted territory together and attempt to survive the harsh conditions found on many mysterious planets.

Read our full No Man’s Sky review

Strategy

XCOM 2 and War of the Chosen DLC

Firaxis Games managed to revive a long-dead strategy series in 2012 with XCOM: Enemy Unknown, and things only got better from there.

XCOM 2 is a harder, more diverse, and more engaging game than its predecessor. It requires players to master both turn-based strategy and resource management as they attempt to overthrow alien occupiers before they unleash a mysterious weapon.

Failing to move your units into correct positions or taking too long to complete objectives could result in them being overrun and killed. Once they’re dead, they’re dead for good. It’s enough to cause an anxiety attack, but with enough perseverance and a hefty dose of luck, you can repel the invaders and save the world.

Read our full XCOM 2 review

The Banner Saga (series)

If you’re in the mood for a stylish tactical role-playing game, The Banner Saga and its two sequels are a perfect choice. The games’ old-school cartoon aesthetic is gorgeous enough in their own right, but they’re backed by a deep cast of playable characters, several different classes, and important choices that can completely change the course of the story in, not just the first game, but all of them.

You can import the save data you create for the original game into The Banner Saga 2 and The Banner Saga 3, allowing you to create an ongoing narrative that is uniquely yours. Improvements and additions to the combat system in the sequels only makes the tactical battles more rewarding, as do the new playable characters.

Platformers

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

Following the underwhelming Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2, Konami placed the series on the back burner. Former Konami producer Koji Igarashi had no interest in letting spooky action-platforming die, however, and created Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night so that the spirit of the classic “Metroidvania” could live on.

Designed to be a very similar experience to games like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Bloodstained features horror-inspired enemies, crafting, backtracking, and a plethora of enemies and bosses to defeat. Before launch, its art style also underwent a radical overhaul that makes it look far sharper and more fluid, with the 2.5D perspective retaining depth and fidelity.

Inside

Inside is the spiritual successor to developer Playdead’s smash-hit platformer Limbo and perhaps the strangest game available on the Xbox One. Its puzzle-solving gameplay blends elements of science-fiction with creepy, trial-and-error death traps, and emergent gameplay mechanics seamlessly into its narrative.

While just as nihilistic as Limbo, Inside‘s story contains an element of strange, twisted beauty that only Playdead can deliver. The unnamed protagonist — a small child who wears the only bright item of clothing — reacts with fear, anxiety, and determination to the events transpiring in this depressing world.

Read our full Inside review

Ori and the Will of the Wisps

Ori and the Blind Forest is one of the best Metroidvania games ever made, blending simple but effective combat with terrific platforming and exploration. Its sequel Ori and the Will of the Wisps took five years to release, but it was well worth the wait. The game is even more gorgeous than its predecessor, with a more refined art style and an atmospheric orchestral soundtrack. It keeps the brilliant escape sequences of the first game, and though it does away with its unique checkpoint system, it still understands what made the original so successful.

Ori and the Will of the Wisps is a bigger game, too, but that size doesn’t change the emotional and touching story it tells. Microsoft may have a new mascot for Xbox and not even realize it yet, and it’s from a game developed by a strikingly small team at Moon Studios.

Cuphead

Some games are hard. And then there is Cuphead. The 2D sidescrolling game combines challenging platforming gauntlets with some of the most difficult bosses on the planet, each of which is capable of taking down the titular hero in just a few hits, and it requires some of the quickest reflexes of any game we’ve ever played.

You won’t mind dying to the same enemies over and over too much, however, as it’s also a gorgeous love letter to classic animated films of the ‘30s such as Steamboat Willie, and the hand-drawn animations and environments are nothing short of breathtaking. Combined with an era-appropriate soundtrack that’s heavy on the swing and the piano, and you have an absolute classic.hit

Puzzle and adventure games

Outer Wilds

Not to be confused with the unrelated The Outer Worlds from Obsidian Entertainment, Outer Wilds is a unique first-person adventure game that tasks you with uncovering the secret behind an endless time loop constantly threatening the galaxy. Depending on when you reach a location, it can change and offer a different experience, potentially helping you to unravel the mystery at the center of the time loop.

Outer Wilds is designed to be played repeatedly as you gradually uncover the answers you need — almost like a playable version of the film Edge of Tomorrow. It’s a race against time, but one you won’t truly lose if you’re making the most of your exploration. If you want to ignore that and just roast a marshmallow instead, that’s also an option.

The Witness

The Witness is a game that only Jonathan Blow could make. An atmospheric and existential game focused primarily on circuit-based puzzles, it features a familiar amnesiac protagonist element, but the world Blow has created is interesting enough to make it feel like much more than another tale about regaining your memory and uncovering some big secret.

Instead, you’ll be given philosophical tidbits that could help you in your understanding of your world as you make your way through more than 500 puzzles. If you’ve been subscribed to Xbox Live Gold for a while, you likely already have The Witness in your Ready to Install section, so you can try it out right now.

Read our full The Witness review

Role-playing games

Tom Clancy’s The Division 2

Tom Clancy’s The Division had some problems with its competitive Dark Zone and endgame content when it launched back in 2016, but it was still an enjoyable shared-world shooter with an addictive progression system. The Division 2 doesn’t radically alter the MMORPG-like formula, but the move from New York City to the nation’s capital gives you more variety in the environments you’ll fight through. Blasting through a Mars exhibit in a museum is unlike anything we’ve experienced in a game before, and it’s even more fun when you bring some friends along for the ride.

The Division 2 tweaked the time-to-kill for enemies and agents alike, leading to more intense and risky firefights than in the first game. Make a few wrong decisions and you’ll be gunned down, and the enemies you face are smart enough to take cover and avoid letting you get too many shots off before switching locations. The Division 2 is a game of small changes, but they lead to a very satisfying whole.

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Following up on the events of the previous game, The Witcher 3 follows the continuing adventures of Geralt of Rivia, a monster hunter searching for his lost lover, Yennefer, and Ciri, his adopted daughter. Although its central plot offers a long and entertaining quest, there’s far more to the game than finding Geralt’s loved ones. The world is massive, dense with characters great and small who have problems they need Geralt to solve. Whether it’s exorcising a spirit haunting a village or helping a blacksmith rebuild his business, there are hundreds of little adventures to go on, and some even intersect in surprising ways.

The world of The Witcher is dark. An early scene finds Geralt riding into a war-torn province, the camera pulling back to reveal a massive tree from which prisoners of war have been hanged. It’s a grim image, and it sets the tone for much of what is to follow. Often the game will present choices that can have wide-ranging, unforeseen consequences. Not everyone gets a happy ending. Despite all the gloom, there are moments of warmth: an orphan reunited with relatives, drinking games with Geralt’s war buddies, a night of passion with an old flame, and more. Wildly ambitious and epic in scope, The Witcher 3 is a watershed moment for role-playing games, setting a new gold standard for the genre.

Read our full The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt review

Monster Hunter: World

It’s not exactly the most traditional Monster Hunter game but that’s what makes it so damn good. If you enjoy a good open-world RPG where you can track rare monsters, engage in tough combat, and craft awesome armor out of their remains, then Monster Hunter: World is right up your alley.

Monster Hunter: World modernizes a classic RPG and makes it easy for anyone to jump in. It features beautiful zones that feel alive, monsters with improved AI, and cool DLC crossovers with Final Fantasy, Street Fighter, and Horizon Zero Dawn. There’s also a multiplayer mode where up to four players can don their best gear and take down dangerous beasts together.

Kingdom Hearts III

Kingdom Hearts III is the first game to release on a Microsoft console right at launch. That’s spectacular news for Xbox One owners, as it also happens to be the very best offering of this zany action RPG series starring Sora, Donald Duck, and Goofy. While you may be more than a little lost if you’ve never played the previous games, Kingdom Hearts III does include some recap features to catch you up on the story. Additionally, many people will say that the Kingdom Hearts story is already hard to follow even if you’ve played every game.

With all that said, you should play Kingdom Hearts III for the Disney chapters that live inside the overarching story. In Kingdom Hearts III, you’re transported to the world of Frozen, Toy Story, Monsters Inc., Tangled, and more. Each world is beautifully recreated and the action is equally magical. Along with hack and slash combat, Sora and friends have a ton of neat summons, including bombastic attacks courtesy of Disney theme park rides.

Kingdom Hearts III is an all-around enthralling experience that should be played by both fans of Disney and action game aficionados.

Read our full Kingdom Hearts III review

The Outer Worlds

If you ever yearned for Fallout in space, this is the closest relative you’ll likely ever see. That’s because the masterminds behind the popular series, Tim Cain and Leonard Boyarsky, are at the helm of this incredible first-person role-playing adventure.

The setting is an alternate timeline that sees corporations colonizing other worlds. Your character originates from a colony ship, The Hope, that becomes lost as it travels through space to the Halcyon star system. One-hundred years later, scientist Phineas Welles wakes you from cryosleep with a mission to infiltrate the Halcyon colonies and save fellow humans from The Board, a conglomerate of corporations.

You eventually gain a ship and travel to various settlements scattered throughout the system. As with any other modern RPG, players gain side missions alongside the main story quests. Your choices heavily dictate how the story unfolds, such as diverting power from a local colony or withholding secrets from The Board.

Overall, there’s a definite Fallout feel under all the alien landscapes and technology. What’s missing is a memorable radio station pumping oldies into our ears.

Racing

Forza Motorsport 7

The Gran Turismo series was once the king of the racing simulator, but that time is long gone. Forza Motorsport 7 is the latest in Turn 10 Studios’ stunningly gorgeous line of Xbox One racing games, with the most realistic cars and tracks ever rendered in a video game. It can be borderline car porn, but for those who fawn over the smallest details of automobiles, including the fabric of seats and the stitching on steering wheels, Forza Motorsport 7 is the game you need to play right now.

The changes in Forza Motorsport 7 are incremental compared to previous games, but they still add up to the best version of a racing game that had already claimed the top prize. The artificial intelligence is smarter in races, making each victory that much more satisfying. The cars are varied and fun to drive, and there are more than 700 available to choose from. And though the game lacks the variety and player-driven progression of the Horizon games, its attention to detail is simply second-to-none.

Read our full Forza Motorsport 7 review

Forza Horizon 4

Playground Games has proven itself as one of the best racing game developers on the planet, and the studio has outdone itself with Forza Horizon 4. Taking the action to Britain this time around, Forza Horizon 4 is packed full of racing challenges and open-world fun to partake in, and running on an Xbox One X at 4K or 60 frames per second, it’s a stunning display of power.

A new seasons system changes the environments, as well, freezing over lakes or turning easy roads into muddy deathtraps, and with real players always racing around you in the world, you’re just a few moments away from a race at any time.

Read our full Forza Horizon 4 review

Sports

NBA 2K20

NBA 2K20 continues to prove my 2K Games’ basketball series is the best of the best. With new physics, ball handling, defensive adjustments, smarter A.I., and another great story mode, there is enough content to keep basketball fans busy for months. This is also true for MyGM mode, which is more accessible this year and will let aspiring tacticians feel more welcome.

Not every change is universally positive, such as the greater focus on microtransactions, but NBA 2K20 remains far superior to its competitive and one of the best sports simulations available. Few games are this visually impressive, too, with lifelike players that look even better on an Xbox One X.

Read our full NBA 2K20 review

FIFA 20

FIFA 20 builds on what has made the soccer series so revered for years, with improvements to its Ultimate Team mode allowing for more single-player opportunities, improvements to shooting and defending, all-new physics for the ball itself, and smoother animations. The play on the pitch isn’t drastically different from last year’s game, but it has welcome improvements for longtime fans.

Where FIFA 20 shines, however, is in the new Volta Football mode, which moves the sport to a small court-like pitch and teams of just three to five people. It turns soccer into a hockey-like game with tons of scoring opportunities and much fewer penalties than the traditional game, making it perfect for newcomers and veterans alike.

Pro Evolution Soccer (series)

Konami’s Pro Evolution Soccer series continues to improve over the years, rivaling Electronic Arts’ FIFA franchise with its emphasis on total ball and pass control, as well as improved animations and new strategies to help you manage your players exactly as you want to.

Using the Fox engine — the technology behind Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain — Konami can create a gorgeous soccer game, with detailed players and natural movement that make it feel like you’re watching a live soccer match rather than simply playing one on your Xbox One. It isn’t as popular as FIFA, but that underdog position has only motivated Konami.

Rocket League

Who could predict that one of the best “sports” games on the Xbox One would involve rocket-powered cars driving alongside glass domes as they knock an oversized soccer ball across the field?

Psyonix’ Rocket League is a goofy game, but don’t let its wacky premise fool you – Rocket League demands your full attention, as players with enough practice can pull off some truly masterful goals and block balls in a last-ditch effort to keep their lead in a tough match. The simple controls are easy enough to grasp, however, so you should be able to get the hang of things quickly and begin (trying) to score a few goals.

This article was last updated by Digital Trends contributor Cody Perez on 4/24/2020.

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[survevs]

28. questions you’re not used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? I sometimes wonder if I’m real, if this isn’t all a dream or something.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 2.5

3. The person you would never want to meet? A serial killer.

4. What is your favorite word? Meraki.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? I don’t know much about trees, but I guess a cedar, maybe?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? I’m not sure, but I think I was glad it improved a lot if compared to last week.

7. What shirt are you wearing? A black tank top.

8. What do you label yourself as? Reserved, I guess?

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 18.

12. Who told you they loved you last? Mom :)

13. Your worst enemy? No enemies.

14. What is your current desktop picture? It’s a quote by Arthur Ashe: “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” I love it, it’s very inspiring and motivating.

15. Do you like someone? Not really. Not now.

16. The last song you listened to? I’m listening to Slow Down, by Mac Ayres right now.

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? I don’t think I’d like to explode anyone lol

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I wouldn’t punch anyone either lmao

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? My brother. He’d have to make me food, and then wash the dishes.

20. What is your best physical attribute? I’m not sure. I guess I’m very coordinated.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I would like to be very tall (so I could see the world from a different perspective), and have short hair. I'd test my new body part... like, I’d go to the bathroom, and I’d run to see if it wiggles as much as I believe it does lmao

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I sing (not saying I’m great at it, I’m just fine I guess).

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Regret.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Nutella.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I’ll save it to live abroad in the future.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? South Korea. I was going to say England, but the plane tickets to SK are way more expensive.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Caipirinha. It’s a Brazilian drink, but I prefer to make it myself, so I guess I’d like to have limitless Absolut vodkas so I could make caipirinhas whenever I wanted without spending money on the alcohol, only on the other ingredients (lemons, strawberries, ice, sugar, etc.).

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? People should treat others with respect, and no one is better than anyone.

29. What is your favorite expletive? The f word.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? I’ve thought about this a lot actually lol I think I’d save my laptop. My entire life is in it basically, both professional and personal related stuff.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? I don’t think I would erase anything. I mean, things happen for a reason, and they always help you grow as a person. If I were to delete something from my past, I would be erasing a part of me. I would probably become a different person. And I don’t want that.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! That’s the dream, man, that’s the dream lol there’s so much stuff I’d like to do... but I don’t think I would ever travel in time, that would drive me crazy.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Thank God, I’ve never lost anyone in my family, so I guess I would bring back my dog, Boogie.

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t really remember it, but I know it wasn’t very pleasant.

35. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Not really.

36. Have you ever built a snowman? No :( I’ve never seen snow in my life. Only fake snow at a park.

37. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing socks.

38. What type of music do you like? I’ve been really into lofi hip hop these days, but I love indie, r&b, jazz and rock in general. And of course I have my pop jams.

39. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets.

40. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or Ovomaltine.

41. What soccer team do you support? Grêmio :)

42. Do you have any scars? Yes, one on my chin, and another one on my knee.

43. What do you want to be when you graduate? I wanna go to Grad School abroad after I finish Undergrad.

44. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’d have thinner legs lol

45. Are you reliable? Yes.

46. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Are you happy?

47. Do you hold grudges? Not really. I’m a very forgiving person, to be honest.

48. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I’d mix an elephant with a dog, so we’d have a tiny elephant who acts like a puppy.

49. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? I went to this club a while ago with some friends, and I really wasn’t in the mood, so I was like in the corner with my drink watching people and hoping we were going home soon. And then my drunk friend started talking to a group of people, and in this group there was this girl in the same situation as me so out of nowhere we were talking and laughing at our life problems. But we never saw each other again after that night, which is a shame, because I think we could’ve been really good friends.

50. Are you a good liar? No lol

51. How long could you go without talking? Not too long I think.

52. What has been you worst haircut/style? I decided to cut my own hair at home last year, and damn. I looked like a frizzy version of Chucky the doll.

53. Have you ever baked your own cake? Yes. I used to bake chocolate cakes all the time, but now I’m trying to control myself.

54. Can you do any accents other than your own? Lol so many. Both in English and in Portuguese.

55. What do you like on your toast? Cheese and ham.

56. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? I can’t remember, to be honest.

57. What would be you dream car? I don’t really think much about cars.

58. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I make a whole tour in the shower, including singing, dancing, rapping and talking to my fans.

59. Do you believe in aliens? Why not?

60. Do you often read your horoscope? Not really.

61. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? K :)

62. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs.

63. What do you think about babies? They give me hope on humanity.

[robertkstone]

2018 Mercedes-Benz E400 4Matic Coupe First Test: Ooooh, Look at That!

Did you look at the taillights? No, really, how closely did you check out the 2018 Mercedes-Benz E-Class coupe’s lit up taillights? The superficially satisfying taillight design is said to have a crystal look, which is fitting from the same automaker that brought us the S-Class coupe’s Swarovski-crystal-filled headlights. When it comes to details that make coupe buyers feel special, the 2018 E-Class coupe knocks it out of the park with a B-pillarless smash.

‪Probably not a good idea to want a car for its crystal-look taillights, but check out how this @mbusa E400 coupe design detail sparkles!‬ #mercedesbenz #mercedeseclass #eclass #coupe #lights #crystal #details

A post shared by Zach Gale (@zachgale) on Jul 26, 2017 at 7:00am PDT

Of course, our 2018 Mercedes-Benz E400 4Matic coupe tester wasn’t perfect, but over the course of track testing as well as driving in traffic, on empty highways, and through winding canyon roads, the car mostly presented itself well. Because luxury coupes carry a “pretty” premium over similar sedans and are made to be seen, we’ll start with design. As with the S-Class coupe, the E-Class coupe continues a Mercedes tradition that’s been around for decades: a B-pillarless design on two-doors. The design detail actually improves visibility, but it is mostly cool because no one else in this price class does it.

If the C-Class coupe’s exterior styling is “bar-of-soap boring,” as we called it during 2017 Car of the Year testing, the E-Class coupe is one attractive, half-melted bar of soap. Decide for yourself what you think of the exterior (and Mercedes’ diamond-block grille) by opening this review’s extensive gallery of photos. The only pimple on the 2018 E400 coupe’s design—one shared with the last-generation model—is that the rear side windows aren’t a one-piece unit such as those of the S-Class coupe, so a sliver of the rear side glass stays in place even when you lower all the windows.

Compared to the last-generation model, the 2018 Mercedes-Benz E-Class coupe’s wheelbase has been stretched by 4.4 inches. The new two-door is longer (4.8 inches), wider (2.9 inches), and slightly taller (1.5 inches).

Step inside, and you’re greeted by air vents inspired by turbine blades. It’s a rich touch for an interior that lives up to our tester’s $86,685 as-tested MSRP. Before you start adding options, know that for now, every E-Class coupe is powered by a 3.0-liter twin-turbo V-6 producing 329 hp and 354 lb-ft of torque. That engine is mated to a responsive nine-speed automatic that behaves well except in the car’s sport mode, where its very aggressive tuning can cause the car to lunge forward a little more than you’d like. Our car was equipped with a $1,900 air suspension that provided a smooth, if a little floaty, ride in comfort mode, but that changes drastically if you switch the car all the way to Sport+. When you’re in a sporty mood, I’d maybe stick with Sport because the suspension doesn’t feel as rough. No matter the driving mode, the 329-hp engine is well matched to a car such as the E-Class coupe, and for the 2018 model year, it is now available on the sedan, too.

On the track, the all-wheel-drive 2018 E400 coupe accelerated from 0 to 60 mph in 5.2 seconds (Mercedes expects rear-drive variants to be 0.3 second slower). Road test editor Chris Walton remarked on the car’s “surprisingly linear, nonturbo power delivery,” and said that in hard acceleration, the nine-speed auto turned in smooth and quick shifts. We’ve tested an all-wheel-drive E400 wagon reaching 60 mph in 5.1 seconds, and an all-wheel-drive E300 sedan (with a 241-hp turbo-four) hit 60 mph in 6.5 seconds. Driven quickly around a street corner or on winding roads, the E400 4Matic coupe’s steering is surprisingly reactive, and the car exhibits little body roll. Braking from 60 to 0 mph takes a respectable 112 feet, and the coupe completed our figure-eight course in 25.7 seconds at 0.72 average g.

Our tester had AMG Line visual upgrades that don’t translate to better at-the-limit performance. Testing director Kim Reynolds commented on the car’s “slow response to throttle” and said it was “hard to control the understeer.” This is the type of behavior you’ll find close to the car’s limits, and if you’re really seeking out the limits of your luxury coupe, smaller and sportier entries including the Mercedes-AMG C43 and Audi S5 might be more your style.

As we noted in our 2018 E-Class Coupe First Drive review, this Mercedes shines as a boulevard cruiser. If you take some friends out to dinner, they’ll access the back seat by pulling a lever on the edge of the front seat that folds the backrest forward, at which point the seat automatically powers forward and up a little bit. In the rear seat, there’s actually a decent amount of legroom, plus some extra space for feet under the front seats. Those rear bucket seats are comfortable enough, though there’s no central armrest, and rear headroom is limited by the way the roof slopes downward toward the car’s rear. What might really keep the rear seat from being used for more than 30 minutes at a time—especially for passengers who get claustrophobic—is the small size of those rear-side windows. You wouldn’t sacrifice the coupe’s styling for a practical concern like that, though, right? If you really want a two-door, four-seat Mercedes without that issue, wait for the E-Class Cabriolet to roll into your local dealership.

Both two-door E-Class models are pricier than the sedan, and our E400 coupe was loaded down with more than $25,000 of luxurious options. All-wheel drive is a $2,500 option that doesn’t actually come at the cost of lower fuel economy; the E400 4Matic coupe has the same 20/26 mpg city/highway rating as the rear-drive E400 coupe (in Real MPG testing, the car was good for 18.8/29.7 mpg). Standard equipment includes multimode drive settings that can adjust throttle sensitivity, the transmission, and the weight of the steering. A collision braking mitigation system, LED headlights and taillights, and the large 12.3-inch infotainment display with navigation as well as Apple CarPlay and Android Auto compatibility are also included. An awesome ambient lighting system is wonderfully integrated into the car’s interior and offers five intensity levels and 64 colors. The all-wheel-drive E400 throws in a feature called Magic Vision Control that might be worth getting on the rear-drive model (for $350) just for its eye-roll-worthy name alone. The E400 coupe’s slim windshield wiper blades have laser-cut holes out of which the washer fluid is released, reducing the chance that fluid will spray over the windshield entirely or run off toward the A-pillars.

Other features on our $86,685 E400 4Matic coupe included a $2,500 AMG styling package that adds sportier design accents on the outside, different 18-inch wheels (19s are available), a black headliner, and a flat-bottom steering wheel that feels great. The adaptive air suspension is $1,900, and although the system can appreciably change the car’s dynamic performance from one mode to another, we’ve not yet driven a nonair-suspension E-Class coupe. Inflating our car’s as-tested price was a $5,400, 1,450-watt Burmester 3-D sound system with 23 speakers (including ceiling-mounted speakers) and a few listening modes. The system sounds great and those ceiling speakers even get some ambient lighting, but we’re guessing most will be satisfied with the available 590-watt Burmester option that has 13 speakers and attractive aluminum speaker grilles. Mercedes’ multi-camera parking aid is a well-executed version of the tech offered by many automakers, but that feature and a head-up display are bundled in the car’s most expensive package. If you actually have a limited budget, consider stopping at the second of three “Premium” packages. You’ll miss out on Mercedes-Benz’s most advanced active safety tech—though I found the adaptive cruise control left too much following distance on its closest setting—but you’ll still get the 12.3-inch digital instrument cluster, headlights that help you see around corners, and a few other features.

If repair costs on some of the E400 coupe’s cool options don’t scare you, there is another feature I hope a future E-Class coupe will offer—a power-door closer. Just like most luxury coupes, the E400’s doors are long, heavy, and require an awkward reach to close if you get inside and realize you forgot to hold onto the inside of the door to close it as you sit down. So you can either remember to close the door as you get inside or, perhaps on a next-gen E-Class coupe, have the car do it for you.

The E-Class coupe’s extensive options list, interior color combinations, and wood trim choices might be overwhelming to some buyers, but they’re a part of the car’s appeal. As with similar BMWs, most E-Class coupe customers will probably pick a car that most closely matches the options they want from dealer stock, but knowing you have so many ways of customizing your car is a luxury in itself.

The E400 4Matic coupe doesn’t have any direct competitors of a similar size now that the BMW 6 Series is offered in convertible and four-door forms but not as a coupe. That leaves consumers interested in an E-Class coupe to also consider the smaller Audi S5, Lexus RC 350, BMW 440i, Infiniti Q60 Red Sport 400, or Cadillac ATS 3.6 coupe. The more expensive E-Class is not really designed to compete against them, but in a segment as ME-oriented as luxury coupes, start your search with designs that speak to you (and view them in person, if possible). The E400 coupe is a solid entry with few competitors, and especially if you’ve got many thousands of dollars to spend on extra-cost colors and interior options, it could be just the car for when the larger S-Class coupe is too ostentatious.

2018 Mercedes-Benz E400 4Matic Coupe BASE PRICE $62,395 PRICE AS TESTED $86,685 VEHICLE LAYOUT Front-engine, AWD, 4-pass, 2-door coupe ENGINE 3.0L/329-hp/354-lb-ft twin-turbo DOHC 24-valve V-6 TRANSMISSION 9-speed automatic CURB WEIGHT (F/R DIST) 4,305 lb (55/45%) WHEELBASE 113.1 in LENGTH x WIDTH x HEIGHT 190.0 x 73.2 x 56.3 in 0-60 MPH 5.2 sec QUARTER MILE 13.7 sec @ 102.2 mph BRAKING, 60-0 MPH 112 ft LATERAL ACCELERATION 0.90 g (avg) MT FIGURE EIGHT 25.7 sec @ 0.72 g (avg) REAL MPG, CITY/HWY/COMB 18.8/29.7/22.6 mpg EPA CITY/HWY/COMB FUEL ECON 20/26/22 mpg ENERGY CONS, CITY/HWY 169/130 kW-hrs/100 miles CO2 EMISSIONS, COMB 0.87 lb/mile