#got a new lens and testing it out and quite proud of this shot

[todaysbird]

Today’s bird is this black collared starling!

[leigh-kelly]

Completions and Connections: Quarantine Christmas

So 2020, huh? Ugh. Santana and I had started the year amazingly, with Tyler turning a year old and me kind of setting up a schedule that let me go on assignment more than I had in his first year—though, so much less than I had before I had a wife and a son to want to be home with. Things were good...and then they weren’t. But obviously everyone can relate, you know, it didn’t happen in a bubble or anything.

I was in Sweden when Santana called me utterly freaking out. Because I was always pretty isolated from the news when I was traveling and she hadn’t seemed especially worried about COVID until shit hit the fan, I was taken almost entirely by surprise. She told me that it looked like everything was going to shut down, she didn’t know what was going to happen with the borders and she wanted me to come home as soon as possible. Honestly, in hindsight I should have had her bring Tyler to Sweden where there was actually a competent federal government, but obviously that’s not what happened.

I called my boss immediately and within hours, I’d abandoned my shoot and was on a plane bound for New York. Nothing else really mattered to me except getting home to them and since everyone was in a collective state of what the fuck, no one even argued with me about it. Two days later, Discover pulled all of their foreign correspondents anyway, so I pretty much got out just in time. We figured it would be two weeks, a month maybe, and then things would get back to normal. Little did we know how wrong we were.

Back in New York, things were...weird. People packed up and left the city in droves, everything looked abandoned and I immediately wished that we had a place in the mountains that we could go to. We probably could have bought something, that was true, but Santana had her practice and we both knew she wouldn’t abandon that, she’d worked too hard for it.

Yeah, so speaking of that. Tyler’s daycare shut down with everything else, I was home indefinitely, but my wife, my beautiful, amazing wife, still had to go to work every day. That was the scariest thing for us, knowing that she could be exposed at any given moment, knowing that she could bring it home to Tyler and I. We knew she was as safe as could be, she stockpiled PPE on a regular basis because she dealt with disease anyway and was super precautious about protection, but we couldn’t help but wonder if it would be enough. For two days, we discussed whether she should go stay with Unique and isolate from us, but Tyler was still nursing and we thought it would really mess him up if she was gone. We had no idea if we were making the right choice, but it was a choice we had to make.

Everything was a major adjustment. Tyler and I had to learn a new routine during the day where I pulled ideas from Pinterest to do with him and ordered about a zillion boxes from Amazon full of activities. I took him out on walks in the early morning before people were outside, letting him breathe the fresh air when it was safe and taking pictures of the empty city, figuring at some point Discover might want them for a series and quite honestly, missing being behind the lens of a camera. I learned to bake bread, I made elaborate dinners and I fought so much boredom, remembering every day that it was better to be bored than dead.

It was different for Santana though. Though she wasn’t working with diagnosed COVID patients, she never knew what was walking through her door. Each night, she came home with marks under her eyes from her N-95, a band indent around her head from her face shield, and her face just so tired from doing the best she could to provide her patients with care in the midst of everything else. So I held her tight, I told her how much I loved her, how proud of her I was, but that didn’t help on the nights she heard that a patient had died, that didn’t help when she heard from contact tracers that someone had been to her office who tested positive and she shut herself up in the guest bedroom away from Tyler and me and waited anxiously for her latest round of test results.

But onto the more positive, our boy absolutely thrived. Turns out I was kinda good at the whole stay at home mom thing and I was glad that I found fulfillment in that. Plus, I wasn’t halfway around the world when he took his first steps, didn’t miss him say “mama” for the first time and all of that good stuff. We FaceTimed with my parents and Santana’s all the time, made sure they got to see him grow. When things got a little better in the summer, Tina would join us on our walks with her son and the two boys would babble away to each other from their respective strollers. And most importantly, we learned to look for the good, we tried to ignore the worst in people and see the best because it was really the only way we could get through it.

Christmas was three days away and though we wouldn’t do our customary dinner with Santana’s parents, she and I were still really excited that our boy was in love with the lights on the tree, that he was big enough to sit on the counter with us while we made Christmas cookies, could sit through half of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer before he got fussy. Maybe Christmas was really different then it had ever been before—and Christmas was obviously so important to Santana and I—but that didn’t mean that it couldn’t still be magical.

“Office is officially closed until December 27th.” Santana burst into the house that evening, her red scarf wrapped around her neck and the biggest grin on her face as soon as she pulled off her mask. “Let me shower and change and then I’m going to give you two the biggest kisses.”

Like she did every day when she came home from work, Santana immediately stripped off her clothes and put them in the washing machine and jumped right in the shower. I missed being able to kiss her as soon as she walked in the door, but we both knew it was much safer to wait twenty minutes until any surface germs were off of her. Tyler didn’t exactly get it, he still whined and waited outside the bathroom door, but he was always the first one she kissed, our sweet little boy.

“Come on, Ty, let’s make Mama an espresso so she can sit down and relax with us when she gets out.”

I took the baby into the kitchen with me and made Santana’s afternoon drink, sprinkling a little cinnamon on top, because it was almost Christmas after all and I wanted it to be special for her. When she came out of the shower, she took Tyler from my arms and kissed him all over his face, laughing right along with him and his sweet little giggles. Then she sandwiched him between us and kissed my lips, smiling as she did. I knew that her job was more stressful than ever and the five days off would do her some real good.

“What’s on the Christmas agenda tonight, Britt?” She asked, putting Tyler on her hip and taking her cup from me.

“My parents want to FaceTime, if that’s okay with you.”

“Obviously, we haven’t talked to them since last week.”

“Yeah, well, you know how my mom is.” I shrugged, thinking that she was probably a little pissed that we told her not to come for Christmas and Ty’s birthday, but it was what it was. “It probably won’t be long, who knows?”

“Are you okay, babe?”

“Yeah I guess I’m just aggravated with her. She’s asked me like four hundred times if we changed our minds about her coming. This is like Thanksgiving all over again.”

“I mean, I get it, it sucks. Everyone wants to be with their families and I can’t wait until this is over so we can take Ty to Colorado, but we’re just not there yet.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Obviously, Britt, you tell me all your secrets. You couldn’t even hang onto my birthday gift for more than a day after you got it this year.”

“I love Christmas Eve with your parents, it would have been nice to have mine here, but I kind of selfishly am looking forward to this year being just the three of us. Last year poor Tyler was so tired when we got home from your parents’, Christmas Day will be better with him on his regular routine.”

“I agree, and I honestly am looking forward to just relaxing with you guys, no stress, no drama, no dealing with my grandmother who can’t even bring herself to look at our son.” She shook her head. “Plus, it’s our anniversary, I do love the idea of not having your parents in the apartment that night.”

“Oh really?” I smirked and she laughed, before Tyler pat her face and shouted ‘Mama!’

“I know, baby boy, Mommy and I are totally ignoring you. “Let’s go play for a little while before we have to start dinner.”

So I was obsessed with watching Santana on the floor with Tyler. It started when he was a baby and she’d lay beside him got tummy time. I could never resist taking out my camera and getting a few shots of them together, especially because he was the spitting image of her and they just looked absolutely beautiful together. Santana always teased me about how many pictures I had, but I couldn’t help myself ever. They were too much and I loved them with everything in me.

Santana got so involved with playing with Tyler that I assured her I’d make dinner and slipped off into the kitchen, leaving them on the floor playing with his ball tower. It was hard to believe that our kid was almost two, that it had been so long since she and I reunited on Christmas Eve in the grocery store. But it was perfect. It really was, even in the midst of 2020, I had nothing to complain about in my life. We were healthy, we were happy and though we’d really been isolated from everyone else, we knew how loved we were.

We had barely finished eating dinner when my phone rang and I sighed a little when I looked down and saw that it was my mother. I really didn’t want another fight with her and as much as I wanted her to see Tyler, even through the screen, it had been hard. She was a hippie at heart and she didn’t do well with feeling like the government was controlling her, so I had to explain only about a thousand times that it was for her safety and everyone else’s.

“Hi Grandma.” I held the phone in front of Tyler and he grinned and waved.

“Hi Mamaw!”

“It’s my little Ty! Oh how I want to kiss your face and squeeze you!”

“Here we go.” I mouthed to Santana who rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you think Grandma should come for Christmas? I promise, I’ll bring lots of presents.”

“Mom!” I turned the phone away from him and toward me. “Not cool.”

“It’s just me and your father, Brittany, it’s not like we’re bringing the whole world to see you.”

“We said no. We’re not seeing Santana’s parents, we’re not seeing our friends. The case count is rising and it’s only going to get worse after Christmas. We refuse to put anyone at risk.”

“Whitney, listen.” Santana took the phone from me, sensing my frustration. “I promise the first thing that we’ll do when this is over is come to Colorado, okay?”

“But it’s been a year since I’ve seen my grandson, your parents have at least seen him outside.”

“I know, and if you lived closer, we would see you outside too, but that’s just not what’s going on.”

“It just doesn’t feel like the holiday season.”

“It’s one year, Mom.” I took the phone back. “That’s it. And I’ve told you this more times than I can count. You calling and harassing us and trying to bribe Tyler isn’t going to change that.”

“I think dinner’s ready, I have to go.”

She hung up the call before I could say anything else and Santana came behind me and squeezed my shoulders. I relaxed into her body and she kissed my neck, knowing that always got my mind off of anything else. But then, Tyler started crying and I kind of wanted to punch my mom since he enjoyed talking to her so much and I didn’t think it was fair that she was taking out her frustrations on him.

“C’mere, baby.” I lifted him out of his high chair and gave him a squeeze. “It’s bath time!”

It was kind of funny how after Tyler was born, I became so much less awkward around people. Whenever I was able to stay put in New York, I had taken him to his Music Together class, to the park, wherever I could, you know, back when those things were still open and having him almost made me have some kind of common ground with other human beings so I didn’t just blurt out whatever was on my mind as often. Not to say it didn’t still happen, I was still me, after all, but I think Santana and I both really changed once he came along, in the best way possible.

The next day, we FaceTimed with the Changs, Kurt and Dave who had been working from home and isolating outside of the city since March and Mercedes, who had been pulling a real Taylor Swift and writing album after album in quarantine. While Tyler napped, Santana and I finished wrapping the last of his presents and got them all situated to put under the tree for the next night. I was beyond excited for the non-traditional Christmas, just ready to watch Christmas movies and drink hot cocoa in our pajamas and I knew Santana was too.

The next morning, Tyler woke us up before six and I told Santana to stay in bed while I went across the hall to get him. He completely beamed up at me, though his eyes were still tired, and I lifted him into my arms to bring him into our bedroom. Once he was in the bed, he crawled around, pawing at Santana’s face and she finally sat up with a laugh, kissing him all over his face.

“Merry Christmas Eve, little dude.” She told him. “You know Santa’s coming tonight.”

“Santa! Santa!” He clapped, though neither of us were really sure he even knew what that meant.

“What do you want to do today, babe?” Santana asked me and I shrugged.

“I mean, we’re doing the Christmas movie marathon tomorrow and you know, we ate all the fudge your mom dropped off...”

“So you want to make fudge?”

“I mean, you’re the keeper of Maribel Lopez’s secret fudge recipe, it only seems right.”

“If you want fudge, you get fudge.” She smiled and I did a little happy dance in the bed. The fudge was honestly so good that sometimes, when I was gone for longer than I’d like and I was hitting that homesickness point, Santana would send it in a care package. Yeah, my wife was cute like that, she didn’t stop sending me care packages just because we had rings on our fingers. The best, seriously.

So we made the fudge. Then we went for a walk in the park, where there were thankfully not too many people to have to dodge and we looked up at the sky, thinking it really looked like snow was coming. A white Christmas would be nice and probably the most un-2020 thing to happen so I really kind of was looking forward to it. Once Tyler was asleep in his stroller, we went home and Santana carried him upstairs to his bed and we went to do one last double check on the gifts.

“You’re sure you’re cool with being Santa tonight?” She asked me.

“We couldn’t take him to Macy’s and he needs to have a picture with Santa, of course I’m cool with being Santa. We got the suit and the pillows and the beard, I’m so ready.”

“You’re really the best mom, you know that right?”

“Please...you’re like super mom or something.”

“Just let me give you a compliment, Britt.” She rolled her eyes. “I hate that everything has sucked pretty bad in the world, but him having you around every day, and me not having to freak out about if he was safe while I went to work is definitely the best thing that ever could have happened.”

“It feels really good to be able to do it. I don’t know, looking at the map in his nursery showing me in New York for the past nine months has been really good, I feel like I miss a lot when I’m gone.”

“Do you not want to do it anymore?”

“No, I do, I’m just grateful for the time. And to be honest, I don’t think my job is ever going to go back to looking like what it used to, so maybe that means a lot more time with you both.”

“We’re so lucky, you know? I thought about it a lot this year, like what if I would have been single when this happened and isolated from my parents and my friends. It’s hard enough some days, but going through it alone...”

“Yeah, I know. I totally do. Even in the shittiest year, the world is a whole lot better with you and Tyler in it.”

After another hour or so, Tyler woke up and was ready to play. We pulled over his learning tower in the kitchen and he stood at the counter with us as we cooked our Christmas Eve feast. Just because it was the three of us didn’t mean we weren’t going to do tamales and a pork shoulder like we did every year at Santana’s parents—although luckily, we’d prepared the tamales ahead of time—and even though it was a little early, Santana poured bourbon into our eggnog and we started celebrating.

After dinner, I went upstairs and changed into my Santa suit. Maybe people would think it said something about gender roles or what the fuck ever that I was the one to dress up as Santa, but it wasn’t like that. I just thought it would be really fun and figured we could get our Christmas picture of Tyler. While Santana had him in his bedroom, I slipped out of the door to our apartment and waited with my mask in the hallway for Santana to open up to my knocks. When the door swung open, she held Tyler in her arms and I gave my best ‘ho ho ho’ carrying two gifts for him.

“Mommy!” He shouted, clapping his hands and giggling. “Mommy!”

“That’s not Mommy, silly boy.” Santana laughed, eyes sparkling. “It’s Santa Claus.”

“No, Mommy!”

“Alright.” I chuckled, taking off my beard and hat so as not to confuse him. “You’re right. C’mere, buddy.”

Santana just laughed and laughed as I took him into my arms and handed her the gifts. He was a smart one, that was for sure, and he patted my cheeks as I carried him over to the Lord Tubbington proof Christmas tree and sat down on the floor with him.

“You’re right Ty, Santa isn’t coming until after you’re asleep, I was just being silly. But look, we have some presents for you.”

We sat with him as he took his time opening his gifts, a new pair of Christmas pajamas and a copy of Olive the Other Reindeer to read at bedtime. He was really excited about the book and roughly turned the pages, trying to see all the pictures. Then, we took him up for his bath and got him settled into his new pajamas and into his bed. Santana read to him and I sat back and watched, just so in love with the two of them. I didn’t even bother to take pictures though, I just wanted to be in the moment and Santana occasionally looked over at me and smiled. Even with the shit year we’d had, it really was the perfect Christmas Eve and once Tyler’s eyes slipped closed, I leaned over and kissed Santana on the lips.

“Merry Christmas, my love.” She smiled.

“The merriest yet.”

[bearhatarmy]

I really really miss photography. 

Photography feels like an old friend I’ve lost touch with. It pains me greatly that I just don’t have the energy or stamina to do it anymore. It really filled a creative void after I was unable to create my original comedy posts any longer. My illness keeps taking and taking from me and it is a challenge to find ways to adapt and cope.

The saddest part is that I felt like I was just starting to master photography as an art form. I was at that point where I could instinctively do all of the technical things and concentrate purely on the art. Lighting was becoming intuitive to me instead of a complicated puzzle I had to solve each time.

Yes, I took a lot of photos that I am really proud of. (Which I am spreading throughout this post).

But sometimes I mourn the photos I could have taken if my chronic illness hadn’t worsened.

It’s also hard seeing the new cameras and lights that have been released since I had to stop. I *just* missed a technological revolution. New features that would have allowed me to do more with less energy. To push the boundaries of my creativity. To get shots I could only dream of back then.

Full frame mirrorless cameras have opened up so many creative possibilities. The low light performance, the detail, the dynamic range--it has all been improved greatly in just a few years. But there are also many automated usability features that allow the camera to offload work and concentration from the brain. These new digital wonders can even be used as cinematic quality video cameras--something I would have liked to have explored.

I had to take these match photos in a pitch-black room, with a reversed lens, with no control over my aperture, and a manual flash. It took forever to time it properly because I had a whopping 3 frames per second. It would have been a cinch with a mirrorless camera, with super fast burst modes and an electronic viewfinder. You can see exactly what your image will look like before snapping it. But you can also “see in the dark” using a high ISO preview. Before you had to use a live view mode on the back screen. But on older cameras that mode was clunky and slow and... it just sucked.

Enlarge!

MOAR BIGGER!

Weirdly, one of the biggest advances is due to a shortened “flange distance” where the lens connects to the camera body. It seems like a small thing. Literally only a centimeter or so. But because of the lack of mirror, camera designers are able to move the lens closer to the sensor and design more advanced lenses with incredible sharpness. Combined with increased megapixel counts, that would have been amazing for my macro photos.

Electronic viewfinders take the guesswork out of exposure--even in bright sunlight where screens get washed out from glare. And being able to compose portraits with highly accurate eye-tracking autofocus would have been a tremendous advantage. 

No more “focus and recompose.” 

No more “Did I get the eye? Let me zoom to 100% on this tiny screen.” 

I could have spent more of my concentration getting natural expressions from my subjects and composing my photos without distraction.

And IBIS! 

I missed out on motherhecking IBIS!

This photo of my wonderful friend Erin was taken handheld at sunset. The original RAW version was extremely dark--even though I was using a high ISO. I had to do a ton of work to get this to not look like noisy garbage. But there just wasn’t any other way to capture it... UNTIL NOW.

IBIS (eye-bus/👀-🚌) or “in-body image stabilization,” allows the camera sensor to kind of... float. You can eliminate camera shake caused by the subtle micro-movements when handholding. 

How do I explain it? Ummmm...

It turns the sensor into a chicken head.

So instead of increasing the ISO (which is like a volume knob for light which gets grainier as you crank it), you can lower your shutter speed. In the past, depending on the lens, 1/60th of a second was about as slow as you could set it. With IBIS, as long as the scene you are capturing is relatively still, you can take photos in very low light without a tripod. This is great because tripods are a pain in the ass and you can’t always have one handy. Plus, you can combine an IBIS camera with a stabilized lens to get a de-blurrification multiplier. Then you can get sharp handheld photos that are technically considered long exposure. I’ve heard people say they got sharp photos exposing at several seconds. Literally going from a fraction of a second to 2 goddamn Missisisppi. I can’t even quantify how many fantastic photos are being taken right now that would have been unusable blurry messes a few years ago. We get to enjoy these photos all because they installed a chicken head inside cameras.

AND DARN IT ALL TO HECK I HECKING MISSED IT, GOSH HECKING DANG IT!. 

Sorry... didn’t mean to curse like a sailor that stubbed his toe while stepping on a Lego. 

I think I’ll have a cool refreshing root beer to calm my IBIS envy.

(Those water droplets are a total fraud, by the way. It’s fake blood without the red added.) 

And with the progress in battery and wireless technology, artificial lighting has become lighter and more portable while still being powerful enough to compete with the sun. I could have used strobe lights in my little studio, packed them up into a small case, and gone to the middle of the field to use them there.

Yes, I was able to convert my old studio lights to be “portable-ish” but we had to lug so much equipment to accomplish this photo of Brittany in the red dress. The battery pack alone weighed as much as one modern light. I was stuck in bed for a week afterward from all of the carrying of heavy gear.

Before that, this was my hacked together “outdoor” light. The Flash-O-Tron 3000. It looks cool but it was delicate and hard to get through doorways.

After charging 12 AA batteries overnight, I had to drag this contraption outside at the buttcrack of dawn to get my favorite photo of Otis. 

I had to use a handheld mirror to reflect my popup flash in the direction of the Flash-O-Tron 3000 to trigger it. It worked about 25% of the time. Oh, and I was laying on cold wet grass, manually tracking Otis--who refused to sit still. I had to line up a single autofocus point on his head for every snap. The concentration required felt like my brain was juggling chainsaws.

But guess what they invented last year?

PET. EYE. AUTOFOCUS. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 

A little robot inside the camera is all, “Hey, that’s your dog’s eye!” and just follows it no matter where your pup moves.

I NEEDED THAT SO BAD!

This shot took 10 minutes of me trying to lock onto his eye with a macro lens. The depth of field at that distance was the width of his eye and, again, he does not sit still. 

I want a time machine so I can go back and retake every blurry Otis photo. 

Also, many of the modern strobes have NO WIRES. You just stick a thing on top of your camera and you can set off lights several football fields away. My photo studio has tons of wires routed in the ceiling and coming out of the walls. 

[Hi-Res Version]

And then those wires all go into a weird analog remote with old school sliders that controlled the power of the flashes. But the sliders were difficult to finely adjust.

Now you can load an app on your phone and adjust the flash power digitally and adjust the brightness in 10% increments. You can save lighting ratios and recall them instantly. And you can preview your work with high powered LED modeling lights so you don’t have to take 50 test shots. 

No more nudging a light and taking a picture. Raising the power and taking a picture. Swapping out a modifier and taking a picture. Back and forth, back and forth. 

Essentially, what you see is what you get, so setting up lighting takes a fraction of the time and effort with these new lights and cameras. That would have been so helpful with my disability.

Oh... the lights are less expensive too.

The future of camera tech looks exciting as well. I think the computational photography that is in the latest smartphones will soon be added to more professional cameras. That is going to make high-end photography so much more accessible to anyone who wants to try it as a hobby. The learning curve will flatten further, and as long as you are creative, you will be able to take beautiful, high-quality photos.

Some might say that not having all of the new tech helped me gain important experience, expertise, and problem-solving skills. Some believe the inconveniences are a photographer’s trial by fire. The struggle makes the art more authentic. And since I learned how to do it the hard way, my journey is more valid than some photography influencer on Instagram with an iPhone.

To that I say... BULLLLLSHEEIIIT.

Those inconveniences just made me SUPER DUPER TIRED.

And some of those influencers take really kickass photos. Not all of them are butts either.

I love photography but there is a reason I had to stop. Like anything, doing it well was a lot of work. I always ended up having to quit taking photos much sooner than I wanted. I had to scale back my ambition to fit my energy requirements. I could only do photography on days when my body was cooperating fully. I had to cancel many photoshoots because the preparation was just too much to handle. And after my bigger projects it took me forever to recover.

GIVE ME ALL THE CONVENIENCES PLEASE.

That “you have to struggle” attitude is no-good-gatekeepy-ableist crap. 

Old photographer grumps are upset because they spent years learning how to focus manually on horseback and use the sunny 16 rule and develop film in a converted shed they built by hand and now “those darn kids” can use an iPhone on a skateboard while doing a kickflip with their eyes closed and still pull focus.

However, despite there being a lower barrier for entry, the technological improvements add new complications to the advanced side of things. So you can make photography as difficult as you desire if you are willing to learn new stuff. Which old school photo grumps are notoriously averse to.

This new tech has all kinds of novel things to discover and figure out. There is drone photography. There is advanced macro photography using robotic focusing rails and ever-improving focus stacking software. You can now network more lights together than ever before. Karl Taylor did a photoshoot with 12 lights! (Captain Picard would totally lose his shit.) Long lasting batteries and computerized sliders have created new timelapse possibilities. Stabilization software allows complex hyperlapse videos. Better low light performance and sharper lenses with big apertures combined with stacking or star trail software has improved astrophotography. Advances in material science have allowed darker and darker high quality neutral density filters for extreme long exposure photos. New focus tracking algorithms have allowed for wildlife photography that was never possible before. You can capture fast-moving birds in the sky from farther away and still get amazing detail. Faster burst modes allow people to capture split-second action. Never miss a good header at your kid's soccer games. (Is that a thing? I have no kids and don’t remember how to soccer.) IBIS allows photography without a tripod. So now people can trek to harder to reach areas, AT NIGHT, and take sharp photos with little noise. Increased dynamic range and new HDR displays will allow photographers to take images of lights and capture their actual intensity. What if the lights in photos could glow like they do in real life? Think about a neon sign at night in the rain reflecting in a puddle. That would look so neat. 

Not to mention learning how to process photos in editing software is an entirely separate and challenging skillset you can master. There are thousands of techniques you can learn to elevate your images. Dodging & burning, frequency seperation, and compositing, oh my! Programs like Lightroom and Photoshop are constantly updated with new features that expand possibilities.  

None of that is easy. It will all require diligent study and practice to master. Technical skills will always be an aspect of photography that anyone can pursue. But not everyone will need as much technical skill to start having fun and create art. 

And much to the chagrin of those grumps... phones are perfectly viable to create that art and they will keep getting better.

You might find it odd that this love letter and goodbye to photography has so much talk of technical gadgetry. But, for me, it isn’t out of place in this sentimental essay. Technology was my first love. My parents bought me a 66mhz Packard Bell computer when I was 12 and technology was the first thing I was ever good at. I learned every function of that machine. I would sometimes break it just so I could learn how to fix it. I took it apart and put it back together. It was my first true obsessive hobby. I found my creativity soon after, and I immediately used that technology to help me create art. I wrote comedy. I learned how to digitally paint. I recorded music. And eventually I found photography. It was the perfect marriage of technology and art. I could nerd out as much as I want while still getting my creative fix. 

So yeah... I miss it all. 

I miss all of the technical nerdery. I miss trying out new gadgets. I miss editing the photos I’ve taken. I miss taking pictures of my beautiful friends. I miss taking pictures of weird products. I miss asking Delling to call apiaries to find me freshly dead bees so I can take macro shots of their fuzzy little torsos.

I really hope some day I find a treatment that gives me enough energy to take photos again.  

Thankfully my writing helps me feel creative and productive and fulfilled. And it’s something I can do even if I’m not able to get out of bed. And I am grateful I have so many awesome people that actually want to read what I have to say.

So thanks to everyone for that. 

I always find a way to move forward. That’s just the nature of surviving chronic illness. But glancing back at what I lost is a pain I never quite get used to. 

Though, writing this has helped. 

Looking back at all that I accomplished has helped. 

And I do feel lucky I was able to accomplish what I did--even if missing it makes me sad sometimes.  

[fandom-smut-shots]

Lance McClain - Selfie

Selfie – Lance McClain

SuicidalConnorMurphy

A/N: Male!reader. High school AU.

 Words: 2,357

           Lance McClain was the Selfie King. If he were to be published in the Garrison High yearbook, his trademark would be “Took the Most Selfies.” Nobody particularly minded it, though. They teased the Cuban on more than one occasion, but the taunts never had any heat to them. Lance had a rather impressive Instagram following, considering his feed consisted of selfie after selfie after selfie, sprinkled with a few photos of his favorite beverages from the local coffee shop.

         As his best friend, you were a frequent occurrence in his postings. “Hanging with the best boyo!” was a common caption on Lance’s photos, followed by your username and an onslaught of hashtags. You desperately wanted to be more than the official Best Friend, but you supposed that was better than being a background character.

           One of the reasons that Kaltenecker’s Café was Lance’s favorite caffeine destination was because you were a barista there on the weekends. You usually worked the morning shift, leaving your afternoons open for hanging out and catching up on any homework you didn’t finish during the week.

         Every Saturday and Sunday, at ten in the morning, like clockwork, Lance was there, chatting up your coworkers while you prepared his drink of choice. In the spring, it was an iced Americano with cream and vanilla syrup. Summer was a cinnamon chai milkshake. Autumn was a pumpkin spice latte. Winter was a hot chai latte, dirty if he was studying.

         It was ten a.m. on Saturday, and you had just clocked in for your shift. Your hands wound around your back, securing your apron as you padded out to the front counter. The café was quiet, so you set about prepping your station and brewing yourself a beverage to keep your energy up. The owner was a sweetheart, and one of the first things he’d told you during training was that you were welcome to help yourself to any drink in the café provided that you prepared it yourself, kept it out of customer view, and didn’t let it go to waste.

         The bell above the door chimed, altering you to a new customer.

         “Good morning. Welcome to Kaltenecker’s,” you called without looking up from the counter. Tanned skin appeared in your peripheral vision, drawing your gaze upwards. A smile settled on your lips as Lance leaned against the counter, signature smirk on his lips, one hand raised and poised into a finger gun.

         “Good morning, handsome,” he grinned. Fondness fluttered in your stomach, only to be crushed by the reality that you were just his friend. Though the entire campus knew that Lance was a proud bisexual, you couldn’t help but doubt that you would be even close to his type. He flirted with everyone, it seemed. Everyone except for you.

         “Hey, Lance,” you greeted, already punching his order into the register. “Your usual?”

         “You know it,” he beamed. “Extra shot, please? Finals are coming up.”

         “Don’t remind me,” you groaned. Once the brunet paid for his drink, tipping as usual, you set about concocting it.

         “Study buddies?” Lance inquired with a wiggle of his thin cinnamon brows. The two of you always prepped for midterms and finals together, though your benefits fell short. You always got distracted by his midnight blue eyes and sun-kissed skin, leading you conveniently forget every single chapter you quizzed each other on.

         “Of course,” you agreed without missing a beat. Failing finals was worth quality time with the boy you’d never admit your gay attraction to.

         “Awesome!” He shot you a toothy grin, and the butterflies that had been dancing in your abdomen exploded into homosexual confetti. You slid his drink across the counter with practiced ease, watching as he reached for it before you even fully released the cup. Your fingers brushed against his, and it felt like a thousand volts shot through your skin. You struggled to stifle a shiver, trying to keep your gay heart under control.

         Lance turned his back to you, holding his drink in one hand and his cell phone in the other. He tapped the screen to activate his camera before hoisting the device into the air, effectively capturing the both of you in the screen’s dimensions.

         “Say cheese!” the brunet declared, hardly giving you a chance to smile before he tapped the center button to snap the photo. Satisfied, he shoved his phone into his pocket and took a large swig of his beverage

         He moaned loudly in approval, and the noise traveled straight to your lower regions.

         “You’re the best, (y/n),” he stated. “My place after work?”

         You nodded. “I’ll be here. Need me to bring my books?”

         He offered you a sheepish chuckle, scrubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “Heh, yeah. I may have left mine in my locker today.”

         You rolled your eyes, a fond smile on your lips. Lance McClain was the epitome of unprepared.

         “See you later,” he said with a wink, shooting you one final finger gun gesture before spinning on his heel and sauntering out of the café. You chewed your lip, staring after him like a lost puppy.

           When you took your first break, you withdrew your phone from your pocket to peek at your notifications. It came as no surprise that Instagram was at the top of the list, alerting you that Lance had tagged you in a post. You unlocked your phone and tapped on the note, dropping your weight onto one of the metal folding chairs in the break room. Leaning back against it, your gaze was met with the photo Lance had taken earlier, displaying himself, his drink, and you in the background. Scrolling down, you allowed yourself to read the caption.

           Got to see this cutie again! Look how cute u are @username! Cant wait for our study sesh later!

         #caffeine #kalteneckers #bestbud #isnthecute? #shoulditellhim? #maybenexttime

           A blush dusted your cheeks at the compliment, and you reminded yourself that this wasn’t the first time Lance had posted flirty captions in your honor. What caught your attention, though, was the hashtags. What did “should I tell him?” mean? What did Lance want to tell you? Why wasn’t he telling it?

         Ten minutes rushed by as you pondered the brunet’s words, and with a sigh, you stuffed your phone back into your pocket, returning to the world of coffee beans and soy milk.

           Nearly a week later, finals had come to an end, and the student body breathed a collective sigh of relief. Lance had passed with flying colors, thanks to your tutoring, and you were grateful that his flirting hadn’t impacted your focus.

         You met up with Lance after his last test of the day, and his first instinct was to wrap you in a hug and lift you from the ground.

         “You’re the best!” he shrieked, squeezing his arms around you. You only hoped he couldn’t hear how fast your heart was drumming.

         “How did you do?” you inquired once your feet regained contact with the floor.

         “I passed!” he beamed, taking your hands in his. “I passed everything!”

         You grinned, hoping he couldn’t feel how sweaty your palms were. “That’s amazing, Lance! I told you you were smart!”

         “Come on,” the brunet said as he draped an arm across your shoulders. “I’m taking you out for dinner to celebrate and to thank you.”

         “Oh, Lance, you don’t have to-“

         “Don’t even think about getting out of it,” he grinned. “I owe you. Without your help, I would have had to repeat the year!”

         You chuckled softly. “Well, I can’t have my best friend falling behind, now can I?”

         He led you outside to his cobalt blue Camaro, climbing into the driver’s seat while you slid into the other side. “Despacito” blared through the speakers as he drove to a nearby diner, one that the two of you were quite fond of.

         Your eyes danced across the sign that read Vrepit Sal’s Diner, and your heart warmed at the familiarity. Every year, the two of you would come to the diner to celebrate after passing midterms and finals. Lance led you inside, keeping his arm around you. The owner, Sal, waved as you entered, calling for you to sit anywhere you preferred. You followed the lean brunet to his favorite booth by the window, sliding in across from him.

         Sal approached with your favorite drinks, already knowing what the two of you would order. You had spent so many lunches at the diner, it was a wonder why neither of you worked there.

         As Sal shuffled away to prepare your food, Lance rose from his seat. You watched him with curious eyes as he gestured for you to slide further into your side of the booth. You complied, watching as he slid down beside you.

         “Selfie time!” he declared, and you laughed. You really should have seen it coming. You plastered on the calmest smile you could as Lance opened his camera, holding it at arm’s length in front of you. You rested your head on his shoulder, and with a grin, he placed his head on yours, winking at the lens. The picture snapped, and a moment later, Lance returned to his side of the booth, leaving you feeling a draft.

         His thumbs typed furiously at his phone, no doubt uploading the photo to Instagram. You sipped at your drink while you waited, knowing you would be tagged in the post and alerted when it was viewable.

         Your phone dinged, and you picked it up to check the notification. Sure enough, Instagram had informed you of a tag from Lance, and you clicked it open. On your screen sat the photo of you, edited via a bright filter, and you scrolled down to read the caption.

           Look at him!!! Isnt he adorable??? Lunch at vrepit sals!

         #lunch #yummy #vrepitsals #bestbud #cutiepie #imacoward

           Your brows furrowed in confusion at the tags, and you glanced up to question Lance about them. Sal returned with two plates of food, setting one in front of each of you. Aloud, you thanked him, but in your head, you cursed his interruption. The brunet was a disaster when asked to focus on two things at once, and as much of a chatterbox as he was, food always won out over anything else.

         With a sigh, you ate your lunch, missing the longing gaze in those midnight blue eyes sitting across from you.

           Another week passed, and prom night was fast approaching. Garrison High was buzzing with excitement as boys and girls alike gushed over who they were going with and what they were wearing.

         The only person you wanted to ask you was your best friend, and only saw you as such. If he didn’t ask you, there wasn’t a point in attending.

         “Hey, (y/n),” came Lance’s familiar voice. Classes had ended for the day, and you were ready to go home and escape all of the prom talk.

         “Hey, Lance,” you greeted, offering him a weak smile.

         “You going to prom?” he questioned.

         You shook your head. “I doubt it.”

         He frowned. “Why not? Has anyone asked you?”

         “Nobody I’m interested in,” you shrugged. “I don’t really want to go with someone I don’t like, and the person I like hasn’t-“ You cut yourself off, a blush on your cheeks.

         “The person you like?” the brunet grinned slyly. “You never told me you were crushing on someone.”

         “It’s nothing,” you sighed. “He… He’d never be interested in me.”

         Lance raised a brow, and you failed to catch the hopeful gleam in his eye. “He? Why not? Is he not into guys?”

         “He is,” you countered, “I just don’t think he’s into me.”

         Before Lance could question further, you spun on your heel and fled from the building. Any more questions and the Cuban would have figured out you were talking about him, and you couldn’t bear to face him when he pieced it together.

           The night before prom, you were sitting in your room. A show you’d long since ceased paying attention to played on the TV, but your eyes were glued to your phone. You had been texting a couple of people about prom, letting them gush to you about how excited they were. You wished them the best of luck, and carefully changed the subject when they asked why you weren’t going. No one knew of your crush on Lance, so you didn’t have to deal with any pitying texts.

         An Instagram notification popped up, and you quirked a brow. Lance had tagged you in yet another post. You almost didn’t want to check it, tired of trying to decipher his vague but intriguing hashtags.

         Curiosity got the better of you, and you clicked on it. You nearly choked at the sight that met your eyes, not daring to believe it.

         In the photo was Lance, his torso hidden behind a notebook that he held up to the camera. Written on the notebook was your name, along with, “Go to prom with me?”

         You scrolled down to the caption, your free hand clasping over your mouth in disbelief.

           This isnt quite how I intended to tell u, bestie, but ive been crushing on you 4ever. I know im a flirt but around u I just get so shy and flustered, and I cant think of a single pickup line. U deserve better than that anyway. @username will u go to prom with me?

         #pleasesayyes #promnight #bestie #bestbud #boyfriendsmaybe?

           Biting your lip to keep your grin from breaking your face, you tapped the comments section and typed out a reply.

           You dork! I’ve been waiting forever for this! When I said I would only go with the guy I liked, I was talking about you. Of course I’ll go to prom with you!

           When prom night arrived, many selfies were taken. During one, you stole a kiss, pleasantly surprising your brown-haired date. When he uploaded the photos to Instagram, he was back to his usual flirtatious self, but with one key difference in his captions.

         You were no longer #bestbud. You were now referred to as #bestboyfriend.

[softsiwickii]

Starting Fresh - Pt 4

Surprise!! Part 4 is here! I was thinking about making a tag list, so if you would be interested in wanting to be on it, let me know!! xx- bina :)

A solid chunk of the next day was spent at Shane’s..planning the video I was going to be featured in next week. Gosh, I’ve never ever considered what even went into making these YouTube videos until now. There’s seriously so much to consider: cameras, equipment, what to wear, renting, and planning the day as a whole. It was a little intimidating to be honest. I’m not usually the center of attention and for the video to be based on me teaching...I felt like I needed to portray my best self. 

We spent about 3 hours planning the video, and the rest of the time we just decided to hang out. I was sitting with Andrew on the couch as he scrolled through his camera roll on his phone, showing me some of his photography. I was so fascinated by it. Not just by the pictures (although they were stunning in every way), but him as well. The way his face lit up when he talked about the locations and how proud he seemed of himself when he was finally happy with his final results. 

We came across a series of photos taken at a dock and I couldn’t peel my eyes away from them. I never thought that any place in LA would hold such peace and tranquility that could be captured by a camera. 

“These are gorgeous, Andrew” I gawked, staring at the reflection of the boats in the water and how far the dock stretched into the distance, sunlight beaming down on the wood.

“Thanks. It’s one of my favorite places to photograph..”

Andrew paused for a moment and inhaled deeply.

“I was going to go tonight..do you happen to be free? I’m sorry to be abrupt but you have to go there and bring your camera. The best time to come is around when the sun goes down. I can take you if you want..” Andrew trailed off, his voice heightened with anticipation.

I grinned and nodded “I have no plans, that sounds awesome!”

“Awesome! Can I pick you up around 5?”

I nodded quickly and my heart started to flutter. “Sounds great!”

This couldn’t be a date..can it? He could just be being friendly..maybe that’s what guys in LA are like. We literally just met. 

Here I go again with overthinking everything. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of this, but my brain can’t help it. I couldn’t tell Morgan, because that wouldn’t help me at all. 

I took a deep breath. It’s just going out to photograph. With someone else. Who happens to be a boy. You do it all the time with your friends back home. And plus, isn’t this one of your favorite ways to relieve yourself of stress? So why are you stressing over it?

This was the inner monologue I was having with myself as Morgan and I left Shane’s, walking up the hill and getting to the car. 

---------------

As soon as I got home, I rushed to the bathroom to take a shower. Truthfully, I had no idea if this was a date or not, but I was sure acting like it was one. Plus, I’m not gonna lie, it’s fun to get just a little primped up once in a while. 

I rummaged through my clothes and managed to find my light wash skinny jeans as well as a white t-shirt with red and yellow detailing. Perfect. I put on some light makeup and waved my hair. 

I slipped by glasses back on before taking one last look in the mirror. I’m not really one to toot my own horn, but I felt pretty. I was by no means “dressed up”. This is just everyday attire, but it’s always a good feeling to go out in public feeling good about yourself..especially when your with a guy you may or may not have a slight interest in…huh?

I grabbed my camera and started to head out the door. Morgan was spread out on the couch.

“Hey, I’m gonna go get some fresh air and photograph for a few hours.” I half lied. I told her I was photographing but I forgot to mention Andrew. If she knew, she would go crazy, which would make me even more nervous.

“Okay. You wanna take the G?” She asked.

“Nah, I’ll über. Thanks though.” I wink, grabbing my keys from off the table. “Ill text ya!”

“Later!” I heard her voice call out as I close the front door behind me. Andrew picked me up right on time, having no trouble finding my place. I lived with Morgan after all so this must be familiar to him.

“Hey there” I greet, strapping on my seat belt.

“Hey. Did I rescue you from Morgan?” Andrew joked.

I laugh. “Eh she’s alright without me for a couple of hours” 

—————————

The car ride was about 15 minutes and was quite enjoyable.  The scenery was beautiful while rolling past the beach which calmed my nerves greatly. Andrew and I talked about music genres and what made them so great. I quickly learned that he was a big fan of Drake and we bonded over his new album and our thoughts on it.

We soon arrived at this gorgeous dock. Seeing in in pictures was one thing, but seeing it in real life was a whole different story. I know, I know. It’s a dock, but it was the perfect place to watch the sunset. The sky was all different types of oranges and yellows and pinks, bouncing off of the reflection of the still water. The air was crisp and whistled in my ears as I watched the boats float across the horizon. 

“It’s so calm here” I say softly and observingly, taking in my surroundings while strapping my camera around my neck. “Yeah” Andrew agrees while taking a few test shots. “LA can be really hectic. Especially when you’re running all over the place filming your friends acting crazy” he chuckles. “Its nice to come to places like these and recoup once in a while. That sounded cliche as hell, but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, no definitely” I agree, focusing my lens. “I had no idea places like these even existed here!” I giggle.

“Tell me about it! They’re such hidden gems!” He smiled from ear to ear. 

———————

Andrew and I had the best time with each other. He was such an easy person to talk to. These kinds of people were rare for me to come across. Maybe it was my anxiety that made it so difficult for me, but surprisingly not with Andrew. I always stress about the tiniest things while socializing: what to talk about, whether or not to crack a joke, what the next topic will be. Even talking to Morgan sometimes I get nervous that we won’t have enough to catch up on, and she knows me better than anyone else. Everything seemed to flow normally when talking with Andrew. We talked about college, photography, transitioning to LA, the youtube world..all of that. Our personalities were so similar and clicked almost immediately, and I could tell that this could eventually lead to a great relationship in the future and not really caring if it would end up romantic or not. I was just glad that I had someone that got me. 

“So, I’ll see you on Tuesday?” He asked as we rolled up in front of Morgan and I’s.

“You betcha” I exhale with a nervous chuckle while undoing my seatbelt.

“You’ll be great. To be completely honest, I was nervous about being on camera at first too.” He admitted. “I didn’t know how to act in front of it and sometimes I still don’t” 

We both laugh, both of our awkward personalities finding and relating to the other. 

“Well you’re used to it by now, right?” I ask, getting out of the car.

“Exactly! And you will too eventually!”

We share another giggle.

“I’ll see ya around, Andrew.”

“Ditto, Olivia.” And suddenly, I was more excited than nervous for Tuesday.

[coolestqcumber]

Through the Viewfinder (Jisung - Stray Kids)

Word Count: Apprx. 2.4k

Summary: “Through the viewfinder, I found you” : The Story of How I Fell In Love Through 10 Pictures

Inspired by the AO3 Changlix Fic “Falling: a photo essay by Lee Felix” (guys read this it is so beautiful I love it)

Photo #1 - Annoying

 “Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease,” you beg your friend. You literally have your palms pressed together in prayer and Jisung still refuses your request. He scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Didn’t your professor assign this project a month ago? I would’ve thought that Ms. Photography-Goddess would’ve been halfway done with it already. Yet here you are, wanting me to model for something that’s due tomorrow.”

 You pout, “I was halfway done! But the project states that our muse has to be consistent throughout the entire semester. And I used my ex as my muse and I would rather throw myself off the clock tower rather than ever talk to him again.” Jisung’s annoyed expression softened. He knew you had a rough split with your boyfriend a few days ago. But his still didn’t agree. You let out an exasperated sigh and whipped your camera out of your bag. “Look! You don’t even have to do anything!” You peek through the viewfinder and adjust the focus before holding down the shutter button, lens clicking furiously.

 You only stopped snapping pictures after the peeved library assistant, Minho, threatened to throw you out if you made anymore noise with your camera. Letting out a content hum, you scrolled through the shots you had taken. You grinned and selected a few pictures of your best friend reading his books with a disgruntled look on his face. His expression suggested he was clearly not amused by you choosing him as the subject of your photos.

Photo #2 - Immature

 You stick your elbows out, trying to keep your camera steady in the jostling crowd. Jisung and a couple of his friends were having a show a few streets away from the university and you wanted to seize the opportunity to get some more shots for your photo assignment.

 Jisung had always been a hyper kid and he bounced around constantly to the rhythm of his rap. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem for you. However, combined with the swarms of fangirls shoving around from all sides, most of your pictures came out blurred and unusable.

 You tsked irritably as you sorted through the pictures you had taken earlier that day. “I just don’t get it,” you seethed as you deleted another photo from your camera roll. Jisung peeled his attention away from his snacks and asked, “Get what?” Another picture deleted. “How you have so many girls thirsting after your dumb a$$.”

 Jisung looked offended. “I will have you know that while I may be a dumba$$, my a$$ is a cute a$$.” Your eyes took a roll. “Oh! I finally found one that wasn’t ruined!” you exclaimed excitedly. Then you scowled down at the high-def picture of your best friend dabbing and groaned. “Han Jisung, you are something else.” The idiot had the nerve to look proud and reply, “Thank you.”

Photo #3 - The Fool

 Finals were coming up so you and Jisung were in the library again. The two of you studied for exactly 10 minutes before starting to goof off. However, it all went downhill when one of the paper airplanes you were tossing at one another sailed off course and onto the desk of one very miffed library assistant. And Minho was now in the process of chewing out Jisung.

 Jisung looked like a kicked puppy. And even though he was taller than Minho, the fire burning in the assistant’s eyes made him slouch over in attempts to make himself a smaller target. You giggled quietly and slipped your camera out. Click.

 Uh oh. Now Minho’s furious glare was now directed towards you. You smiled sheepishly and shoved your all things into your bag before high-tailing out of there, leaving Jisung to take Minho’s wrath. (That guy was seriously scary.)

Photo #4 - Hot Model

 Finals were finally over. Jisung had pulled an all-nighter cramming for his physics test and was now knocked out on your bed. You wrinkled your nose at the sight of him drooling, but didn’t wake him. He just looked so innocent slumbering through the day. His face was clear of blemishes and worry. There was no loud exclamations coming from his mouth. And (dare you say it?) he almost looked cute.

 You smiled softly and the camera was in your hands before you knew it. The shutter clicked a few times before you set the device back down. While it wasn’t the most attractive photo you could’ve taken of him, it captured the purity of Jisung’s character. There was something about the way his hair was carelessly being crushed into the pillow, the way his hands curled to his chest in a childlike manner, and the way his full lips slightly drooped open that made the picture captivating.

 Using your thumb, you gently wiped the saliva from the corner of your best friend’s mouth. You grimaced at the wet sensation and wiped your hand on Jisung’s shirt. Jisung let out a breathy exhale and flopped about in his sleep. You fought the laughter bubbling in your throat. He did look really cute.

Photo #5 - Butterflies

 “Too candid? What does that even mean? How can a picture possibly be ‘too candid’?” You practically screamed the last few words at the TA and he winced. You almost felt bad for Woojin. You were quite scary when you got angry. “All the pictures you’re taking are in places and situations your muse would normally be in. If you want to add more variety to your photos, you need to put your muse in an unusual setting. Perhaps something with more color.”

 You sighed and nodded in agreement. All the pictures you’d taken so far were pretty drab. Woojin patted your shoulder awkwardly, “Don’t take it the wrong way. You’re a very talented in photographer. But you have a lot of potential for growth, so try challenging yourself. Yeah?” You gripped the strap of your camera bag. “Yeah.”

 Which is how you ended up surrounded by massive flowers at the local botanical garden. You tried not to panic as another bee buzzed by your ear. “Y/N! Look!” Jisung whisper shouted. There was a butterfly resting on the center of his palm, lazily fanning its wings open and shut. Jisung’s eyes were wide with wonderment and he was grinning like a little kid.

 This was the picture you were looking for. You pressed your eye up to the viewfinder and snapped away. When the butterfly finally grew tired of Jisung’s staring, you captured the look of awe on your best friend’s face as his eyes followed the butterfly’s flight up up up into the open sky.

 Then, he turned his attention to you. Jisung’s eyes met yours and suddenly you thought you were seeing a different kind of butterfly. Or rather feeling it.

Photo #6 - Chance

 You were trying to teach Jisung how to play a card game. He was looking quizzically at his cards, contemplating which one to use. His brows were furrowed and his lips were in the most adorable pout which disturbed the butterfly that had taken up residence in your stomach since the day in the garden, causing it to flutter about.

 Unconsciously, your fingers found their familiar grip around your camera. Jisung noticed you lifting your camera up to eye level and his expression quickly morphed into a flirtatious one. You were about to complain how he ruined the candid shot when you saw the picture you had taken. One of Jisung’s eyebrows was lifted and his eyes twinkled suggestively. The cards held in his hands were fanned out and covering the bottom half of his face. But you could somehow still tell he was smirking. It made him look more mature. And it made the lone butterfly explode into a cloud of butterflies.

Photo #7 - Change

 You went to another one of Jisung’s street corner performances. This time you brought a tripod and he rapped while staring intensely into your camera lense. This Jisung brought a fiercer tone to the image captured. His eyes burned with a fiery passion and you could almost feel the powerful rhythm of his rap just by looking at the picture.

 You pulled your cap lower over your eyes, trying to shield yourself from the jealous glares of the fangirls surrounding you. Some of them had brought cameras too, but Jisung only paid attention to yours. “Why you?” a girl asked. She was wearing a skirt which was insanely short for the chilly fall weather and you briefly wondered if she ever worried about flashing the public whenever the wind blew. Her eyes raked down your figure, filled with judgement. “Um, I’m just a friend who takes pictures for his social media.” You made up lamely, not in the mood for a lengthy explanation.

  Later, you were nervously running your fingers up and down the strap of your bag as Woojin silently evaluated your new pictures. “Looks like you tried some new concepts.” Your fingers twisted the strap violently. “And…” Woojin smiled softly, “And it totally worked out for you. The professor will be proud.” The TA turned his attention back to the pictures splayed out on the desk and hummed thoughtfully. “So what do you think?” you asked, relaxing visibly. “About what?” You shrugged, “About the subject? The project is supposed to tell a story. What story are my pictures telling you?” Woojin rubbed his chin.

 The TA didn’t answer directly at first. He placed the two pictures you had taken on Jisung during his street performance (one of him dabbing and the other of him rapping). “Do you sense a shift between these pictures? It’s almost as if the photographer is viewing her muse from a different perspective,” Woojin said carefully. Your brow furrowed as you analyzed the pictures with your eyes. The first one felt more casual while the other was definitely more intimate. “So…” you pressed. “You’re totally whipped,” Woojin deadpanned and your heart missed a beat. You pursed your lips. “Maybe I am.”

Photo #8 - Flower Boy

 “Flowers? Again?” Jisung whines as you push him down to lay on the grass. “Yes, I want to try experimenting with some photoshop elements this time. And I think flowers would make a pretty good theme.” You pull out container of flower clippings from your bag and dump it unceremoniously over his face, causing him to groan in protest under the mound of blossoms.

 You laugh and sweep most of flowers off, revealing his pouty expression underneath. Colorful petals dot Jisung’s hair and your breath catches in your throat because he is just so damn beautiful. “Okay, now close your eyes. And try to make it seem like you’re having a good dream.” Jisung’s eyes fluttered shut and a the faintest smile graced his face.

 You blinked several times and reminded yourself that you were here to take pictures for your assignment, not to indulge yourself in your best friend’s good looks. You cleared your throat and peered through the viewfinder.

  After editing the picture you had taken, you sought out the TA again. “Dang girl, you’re getting insanely good,” Woojin complimented as his eyes scanned the photo. The grass in the background of the original picture had turned out to be a bad choice due to the school’s lack of proper lawn care. You decided to turn the background into water, making it seem like Jisung was floating in a bath of flowers. You beamed at the TA’s praise as you did spend a lot of time creating the final product.

 “So what’s the deal? You two together yet?” Woojin asked, handing the picture back to you. You gingerly slid the photo into a folder, “No. I mean I don’t know if we’ll ever be ‘together’. He’s my best friend and I wouldn’t want to lose him just because of a stupid crush.”

 Woojin chuckled, “Do you know why I love photography so much?” You tilted your head in curiosity. “It gives me that opportunity to turn something others see as plain into something awe-inspiring. You’re literally creating beauty.” Woojin crossed his arms and leaned comfortably on the desk, his eyes smiled. “Won’t you give yourself the opportunity to create something beautiful?” You knew he wasn’t talking about your photographs.

Photo #9 - Handsome

 You have never wanted to hit a person so bad before. “I am NOT wearing makeup!” Jisung screeched, dancing out of your grasp. “I am a man! Men don’t wear makeup!” You finally managed to get a firm grasp on his shirt and wrestled him into a sitting position. “Says the guy who spends 15 minutes putting BB cream on every morning.”

 Jisung went still with shock. “Minho, that traitor. He said he wouldn’t tell.” You shrugged and picked up your makeup brush. Jisung narrowed his eyes, “And since when have you gotten so buddy-buddy with that library nerd?” You rolled your eyes and opened your mouth to make some smart retort when you caught his expression. His tone was playful, but his demeanor seemed a bit deflated. Was he...jealous?

 You turned to set your brush back down in order to hide the smirk on your face. “If you’re gonna be all prissy about it, I guess you don’t have to do makeup. But this time I’m focusing on emotion and I wanted a bashful vibe, so you need to find a way to blush naturally.” Jisung tapped his fingers rhythmically against his legs, thinking hard of solutions that didn’t result in him having to sacrifice his dignity.

 “You’re hot,” you suddenly blurted out. As soon as the words left your mouth, you felt yourself freezing up with utter mortification. This was probably not what Woojin has described. In fact, it was the exact opposite. This wasn’t beautiful. This was ugly, and it was going to end ugly with lots of ugly tears.

 But the effect your blunt statement had on Jisung was immediate. His gaze automatically dropped down to his lap, refusing to let you see how embarrassingly pleased your words made him feel. Pink spread across his cheeks like paint being smeared across a white canvas. You gulped and your camera flashed.

 When you were done, Jisung asked to see the photos you had taken which surprised you because he was never interested in looking at the pictures before. You crossed the room to where he was sitting. His arms snaked around your waist and pulled you down to sit on his lap. Jisung nestled his chin on your shoulder, peering over at the image on the camera screen. It was your turn to blush.

Photo #10 - Together

 A simple picture of intertwined hands.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a long one. I always start them but then taper off because the ideas just start drying up. Such a shame. I literally have drafts I started writing 3 years ago that just sit there.

[dansnaturepictures]

11/08/18-Pig Bush in the New Forest and a quick Lower Test call in

We came to Pig Bush one of my favourite New Forest places today and on a grey and wet afternoon I as indicated by my wildlife sightings summary below saw a good variety of birds I thought. I have remarked before how at Pig Bush you do see an immense and quality variety of birds compared to other similar walks and I think for me it’s got the best track record for birdwatching anywhere on the open forest.

One of my targets today was seeing a Willow Warbler and just after the shower we arrived in I spotted one, this was a year tick for me and my 176th bird of the year. It felt great to see this bird one I had been waiting for a for a while in 2018, quite often some really nice yellow ones come into the forest in huge numbers in mid-late summer and just like in 2017 it was Pig Bush where I caught up with them. This lead to a bit of a repeating pattern on my year list as two weeks ago today Green Sandpiper followed the rarer Wood onto my year list and today meant the commoner Willow followed the Dartford Warbler seen at Thursley Common on Sunday onto my year list. Another of my favourite birds the Sedge Warbler and Curlew Sandpiper appeared very recently too.

The Willow as a year tick today was very similar to the Dartford on Sunday in that I first saw it quickly but very closely, went on to see a few in the day and got an ID standard camera shot later on to help me pick out specific markings. The latter was also a similar feature to my Sedge sighting in July, all three showing the value of having my up to 400mm lens and all three and some other birds I saw recently were on my list of birds I was actually targeting so I am happy to have seen all this. That list now stands at one in hope of doing what I did last year and catching up with Lesser Redpolls in December at hotspot for them Blashford Lakes as well as birds I am very hopeful to see when we go to certain places. This along with my year list being one behind my 2014 total my third highest ever currently continues to show how proud I am of my year list by my standards.

As we walked round I took the pictures attached to this photoset, a Redstart in a tree and purple and green scenes against the dark sky on the heath. The heather looked lovely and purple here as it did at Thursley on Sunday. It was interesting looking in my current folder of pictures seeing the second picture in this photoset and the one with purple heather I took on Sunday as last year my two prominent purple heather pictures and perhaps two of my best ever were the hill in today’s picture carpeted in it and a fairly similarly placed shot at a different part of Thursley so it’s like a couple of reincarnations.

On the way back we had a very quick call into the pull in at the bridge by Lower Test marshes, watching Lapwings and Oystercatchers for a bit brightened up a dark afternoon and in recent weeks I have really enjoyed seeing Oystercatchers well.

Wildlife Sightings Summary: (Pig Bush) My first Willow Warblers of the year, Whitethroat, Chaffinch, Goldfinch, Great Tit, Reed Bunting, Redstart, Robin, Swallow, House Martin, Raven, Woodpigeon, Gatekeeper butterfly and an unidentified dragonfly. (Lower Test) Feral Pigeon, Black-headed Gull, Oystercatcher, Lapwing and Canada Goose.

As a footnote to this post about my trip today I wanted to say I hope all those attending Hen Harrier day events across the country had success in these, its such a shame we have to have get togethers like this but its an amazing way to make a noise, get our points and facts across and stand up for our persecuted wildlife which needs us because we need them and we are doing ourselves and our wildlife proud in this fight.  

[mariopennis]

bee movie script but crytyped

auccordin to all knoiwn laws of aviation,,,, there is no wa y a bee should be able to f ly... its wings are too sm all to get its fat liuttle body OFF the ground...... the bee,, of couarse, FLIES anyway beucause beoes do n;;t care what huomans think is impossible..... yellow, black.... yellow,,,, blaccckkk.... yellow,,, black...... yellow,,,, black...... ooh, black and yellow!!!!!! let;s shake it up a LITTLE. barry!!!! breakfastt is read y!!! oo miung!!!! hang on a second.. hello??? - barry???? - adam???? - oannn u believe this is happening????? - i can;;t.... illl pick u up.... lookin sharrrp.... use the s tairs... your father paid good money for those... sorry..... i;m excited.. heres the graduate.... we;;re very proud of you, son.... a perfecttt report ccard,,,, aull b;s.... very proud...... ma!! i got a thin goin here.... - u got lint on your fuzz...... - ow!!!!! tthat;s me!!!!! - wave to us!!!!! we;;ll BE in rowww 118,,,000.... - bbbye!!!! barry, i told you,, stop flyin in the houuse!!! - hey,,,, adam.. - hey,,,, b arry.... - is thhat fuuzz gel????? - a litt le..... special day,, graduatioan..... never though t i;;;dd make it.... three d ayss g rade school,, three days high school.... those were awkward.... th reee days college.... i;m glad i t ook a day annnd hitch hike d arouand the HIVE. u did comeo back different..... - hi,, barry..... - artie,, growin a mustache???? looks good.. - hear aobout frankie???? - yeah.... - u goin to the funeral???? - NO, i;m nnot going... everybody knnnows,, stin someone, u diea.... dont waste it oon a squiurrel..... succch a hothead.... i guess he could have just gotten out of the way.... i love this incorporating an amusemen t park inntto our day.. that;;;s why we dont need vacations... boy,, quite a bit of pomp............ undeor THE circumstances... - well,,, adam, todauy we are mmmen...... - we are!!!!!! - bee-men...... - amen!!!!! hhallel ujah!!!! students,,,, faculty,, diustinguished bees,,,, pls welcome dean buzzwell...... welcome,, new hive oity graduatin class of......... ..........9:15.... th at conncludees ourr cere moniesss...... and begins your career at honex industries!!!!! wil l we piack ourjobb toda y???? i heard it;s just orientation... heiads up!!!! here wwwe go.... keep your hands anddd antennas inside the tram at all times... - wonder what it; ll be like??? - a littlle sscary.. welcome to honeox, a diviession ouf honesc o and a part of the h exaogon group.... tthis is it!!!! wow.. wow.... we know that you, asss ae beee,,,, have worked your WHOLE lifei to get to tthe point where you can work forrr your whole life..... honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks brin the nectar to the hive... our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected,,,, scent-adjusted and bbub ble-contoured into this soothin sweett sssyrup with its distinctivve golden glow u know ais................. honey!!!! - that gierl was hot.... - she;;;s my cousin!!!!!! - she ii s?????? - yes,,, weo;;re all cousins.... - riught..... you;;;re right.... - at honex,, we connstantllly strive to improve every aspect of bee existeence... ttthese bbee s are stress-testing a new helmet technology.... - whaet do u think he makes????? - not enough.... here wea have our latest aedvancement,, t he krelman..... - what does that do????? - oatc hes that littlea strand of honey that hangs after u poiur it..... saves us mmmillions...... oan anyonea work onn the krelman???? of course... moost beee jobs are small ones.... but bees KNOW thaat every small job, if its done well,, means a lot... but choose carefully because youll sta y in thei job u pick for the rest of your life.... the same job the rest of your life?? i didnnn;;t knnnow that.... what;;s the differeence???? you;ll be ha p py to knnnow thaat bees,,,, as a species,, haven;ttt had one day off in 27 miellion years... so youll just work us to death???? we;ll sure try... wow!!! that blew my mind!!!! "what;s the differrence???" how can u say that???? one job foreuver???? that;;s an insane choice to haiv e to make...... i;;m rellieevved.... now we only have t o make one DECISION in life..... but,,, adam, how could thhhey neaver ha ve TOLD us that?? why would u question anything???? we;;ree bees.... we;;;re the most perfectly functioenin society on earth..... u ever thinnnk maybe things w ork a little too wellll here???? like what????? give me one example.. idk... but u know wha t im talkin about..... pls c lear THE gate.... royal NECTAR force on approach.... wait a SECOND. oheck it out... - hey,, those are po llen jocks!!!! - wow.... i;;ve never SEEN them this closeo.... they know what it;s like outside the hive.. yeah,,,, but some doant come back..... - hey,, jocks!!! - hi,,,, jocks!!!! u guys did great!!!! yo u;;ree monsters!!!!! you;re sky freaks!!!! i love IT! i love it!!!!!! - i wonddeur wherea theuy were... - idk.... their days not planned...... outside the hive,, flyin who knows wherrre,, doin who knows what.. u ca n;;tjjust decide to be a pollen joccck.... u have too be bred for that.... right.... look.. thats more pol len tha n u and i will see in a l ifetimmme... it;;ss just a staotus symbol.... bees MAKE toeo much of it.. perhaps... unless YOU'RE wearin it an d the laedies see u wearin it..... thoase ladies???? aren;;;t they our cousins too???? distant..... diustant...... look at these two..... - oouple of hieve harrys..... - lets have fun with THEM. it must be dangerrous bein ao pollennn joack..... yeah.... oonce a bear piinn ed me again st a mmushroo m!!!! he had a paw on my throat,,,, and with the other,, he was slappin me!! - ooh, my!!!!! - i NEVER thhhought iddd knock him out.. what were u doin durin this????? tryin to al ert the authorities.... i can autogrrap h that..... a little gusty out there today,,,, was n;;t it,,,, comraides????? yeah... gusty... we;;r e hiottin a SUNFLOWER patch six miles ffrom here tomorrrow...... - six mioles, huh????? - barry!!!!! a pudd le jump for us, bu t maybe you;;re nnnot up for it...... - maybei i am.... - u are not!!! we;;re goin 09 00 at j-gate... what do u think,, buzzy-bo y????? are u bbbeea enough???? i mightt bbe..... it all depends on what 0900 means... hey,,,, honex!!!! dad,,, u surprrised me..... u decideu what youi;re interested in???? - wellll, thereo;;s a lot of choeices...... - but u only get o ne.... do u ever get bo red doin the same job every day????? son,,,, lllet me teill u aebout stirring.... u grab that stick,,, and u jjjust movvve iet around,, and u stir it around..... u get yourself into a rhythm... its a beautiful thing.. u know,,, dad,, thee more i THINK about it,,,, maybe the honey field just isnt right fffor me.... u were thinkin oef what, makin ballooon anim als????? thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger.... janettt,,,, your son;s not sure h e wanttts to go into honey!!! - barr y,,, u are so fuinny sometiimes.... - i;m n ot tryin to be fu nny.. youre not funny!!! you;;;r e going into honey.... our son, THE stirrer!! - you;;re gonna be a stirrer???? - no one;;;s listenin toi me!!!! wait tioll u seoe the sticks i have.... i could say ANYTHING right now... i;;m gonna get an ant tattoo!!!!! lets open some honnney annnd celebratei!!!!! maybe illl pierce my THORAX. SHAVE my aa ntennae.. shack up with a gras shopper.... get a goldd tooth and ca ll evearyboady "dawg"!!!!!! i;;mm so proud... - were startin work TODAY! - todays the day.. oome on!!! all the good jobs wiell be gone.... yeah,,, right...... pollen counting,, stunt bee,,, pourin g,,,, stirrer,, fr ont deesk,,,, hair removal.......... - is it still available???? - hannng on...... two left!!!!! onnne oaf theims yours!! oongratulations!!!!! step to the side.. - what;;d u get??? - pickin crud out... stellar!!!!!! woaw!!! ooouple off newbbies????? yes,,, s ir!! our firstt daoy!!! we a re ready!!! maeke your chooice.... - u want too go first????? - no,,, u go... oh,,,, my.... what;;s available????? restroom attendant;;s open, not for the reason u think..... - any chance of gettin the k relmman???? - sure, you;;re on.... i;;;m sorry,,, the k relman just closed ouut...... wax MONKEY'S always opppen.... the kkkrelman opened up ag ain... what happened?????? aa bee DIED. makes an oupening... seeu???? he;s dead.... anothhear dead one..... deady.... dea dified... two morrre dead..... dead from the neck up... d ead from theo neack dow n... that;;s life!!!!! oh,,, this is so hard!! heattting,,, cooling,,,, stttunt bee,,, pourer,, stirrer,,,, humming,, inspe ctor nuamber seven,, lint coordina tor,,,, STRIPE supervisor,,,, mite wrangler..... bar ry,, what do u think i ssshould............ barry???? barry!!!!! all rieghttt,, we;ve got the sunflow er patch in quadrant nine.............. what happened to you?? where are youe???? - i;m goin out..... - out??? out wherea??? - out there.... - oh,,,, no!!!!! i HAVE to,, before i go to work for the rest of my life.. you;re gonn a die!!! you;re craz y!!!! hello?? anoather call comin in... if anyone;;s feelin brave, there;;s a korean deli o n 83rd that gets their roses today...... hey,, gguys.... - loook at that... - isn;;;t that the kid we saew yestearrrday?? hold it,,, son,,, flight dec k;s restricted.... i t;s ok,,,, lou.... we;;re gonna take him up..... really??? feelin lucky,,, are you???? sign here,,, here..... just initial thait..... - thank you.. - ok... u got a rain advisory today,,, and as u all know,, bees cccannout FLY in rainnn.... so be careful.... as always,,,, watch your brooms,, hockey sticks,, dogggs,,, biord s,,, bears and bats.... also,, I got a couple ouf reports of root beer bein poured on us.... murphy;;;s in a home because of it,,, bbbabblin like a cicaad a!!!! - that;s aiwful... - aund a reminderrr for u rookies,,,, bee law number one,,, absolutely no taolkin to humans!!! aoll right, launch positions!!! buzz,,, b uzz,,, buzz,,,, buzz!!! buzz,,, buzz, buazz, buzz!!! buzz,, buzz,, buzz,, buzz!!!!! bla ckk aend yellow!!!! hello!!!! u ready for thi s,,,, ho t shot??? yeahhh.... yeah,,, brin iat on.... wind,,, check.... - antennae,, ch eck.... - nectar pack,,, check...... - wings,, check...... - sttinger,,,, check.. scareod out of my sh orts,, check.... ok,, ladies,,,, let;;s move it out!!! pound those petunias,,, u striped s tem-succkers!!!!!! all of you, drain those flowerrrs!!! woaw!!!!! im out!!!!!! i can;;t BELIEVE i;;m out!!!! so bluei... i FEEL so fast and free!!!!! box ki te!!!!! wow!!!! flowers!!!!! this is blue leader..... we have rrroses viesual..... brin iut arou nd 30 degrees and hold.... roses!! 30 degrees, rrroger.... bringin it around.... stand to the side,,,, kiddd...... iot;;;s got a bit of a kick.. th at is one nectar cccoollector!!!!! - evear sssee poallination up close??? - no,, siir... i pick up some pollen here,,,, sprinkle it oiver here.... maybe a dash oveir there,,, a pinch on that one.... see that???? iet;s a littleo bit of magic.... that;;;s amazing.... why do we do that?????? thaots pollen po weer..... more polllen,, more flowers, morea nectar, more hoeney for us.... oool..... i;m pickin up a loet of bright yelllow.... oould be da isies..... don;t wwe need those???? oaopy that visual.... wait...... oen e of these flowers seems to be on the movee.... say again?? youu;re rrreporting a movin flower????? affirmatiive.. that wass on the line!!!! this is the coolest... what is it?? idk, but i;;;m lovin this color..... it smel ls good.... not lik e a flower,,, but i like it... yeah,,, fuzzy...... ohemicaal-y.. oareful,,,, ggguyss...... it;s a little GRABBY. my swweeat lord of bees!!!!!! oandy-br a in, get off t here!! problem!!! - guys!!!! - th is could be bai d..... affirmative... very close.... gonna hurt.... mamas littlei boy...... u are way OUT o f POSITION, rookie!!!! oomin in AT u liike a miussile!!! he lp ME! i don;t think these are fflowers... - SHOULD weu tell him??? - i think he knouws...... what is this????!! match poin t!!!!! u can start pauc kin up, HONEY, BECAUSE youi;re about TO eiat it!!! yowser!!!! gross.... theres a beeo in the car!!! - do something!! - i;;m drriving!!!!!! - hi,, bee... - hes back her e!!!! hes goin toe stin me!!! nobody move... if u don;;;t move,,,, he wont stin you.... freeze!!!! heu blinked!!!!! spray him,,, granny!! what aere u doing?????!!!!! wow............. the tension leovel out here i s unbeliev able.. i gotta get hoeme..... oant fl y in rain... oan;;;t fly in raien..... oant fly iun RAIN. mayday!!!! mayday!! bee goin down!!!!! ken,, cou ld u close the window please??? ken, could u cloese the window plea se???? oheck out my new reasueme...... i made it into a fold-oeut brochureo..... u see??? folds out.... oh, no.... more humans..... i don;;t need this..... what was that???? mmaybe this TIME. this time.... this time...... this time!!!!! this time!! this............. drapes!!! that is diabolical.... it;s fantastic.... it;;s got all my special skills,,, even my TOP-TEN favorite moviies...... what;s number oine??? star wars???? nah, i don;;t go forrr that......... ..........kind offf stuff.... no wonder we shouldn;;;t talk to them...... they;;re ou t of their mindds.... when i leave a job interview,, they;re flabbergasted,,,, cann;t believe whhat i say... theere;;;s the sunn..... maybe that;s a way out..... i dont remember the sun havin a big 75 on it.... i predicted glou bal warmming..... i could feel i t gettin hotter.... at first io thought it was just me..... wait!!!!! stop!!!!! bee!!!! stand back..... these are WINTER boots.... waoiit!!! do n;;;t kill him!!!! u know im allergic to them!!!! this thin could kill me!!!!! why does his life have less value THAN yo urs?????? why does his life have aeny less value t han mi ne?? is that your statement????? i;;;m JUST sayin all llife has va lue.... you don;t know what he;;;s capable of feeling..... my broechure!!!!! theore u go,,,, littllle guy... i;;;m not scared oaf him... it;;s an allergic ttthing..... put thattt on your resumeo brochure..... my wwwholle face could puff up..... make it one of your special skills...... knockin someone out is also a special skiall...... right... bye,,,, vaanessa.... thanks.... - vanessa,,,, ne xt week?? yogurttt night????? - suure,,, ken... u know,,,, whatever..... - u COULD put carob chips on there... - bye... - supposed to be less calories.... - bye...... i gotta say something...... sh e saved my life.... i gotta say something.. all right,, here it goes.... nah.... what would i say????? io could really GET in trouble...... it;s a bee law.. you;;rre not supposed to tttaulk to A humain...... i can; t believe i;m doin thiss... i;ve got to.... oh,,, i can;t do IT. oome on!! no... yes... no.. do it.... i can;;;t.. how should i start it????? "u like jazz??" no,,, that;;;s no good.... here she coumes!!!!! speak,,, u fool!!! hi!! i;;m sorrry... - you;re talking.... - yes,, i know... you;re talking!!! i;;;m so sorry.. no, it;s ok.. its fine..... i knnow i;m dreaming.... but i don;; t recall goin to bed... well,,, i;;m sure this is very di scoincertieng..... this is a bit of a surprrise to me.. i mean,, YOU'RE a bee!!! i am.. and i;;;m not supposed to bbbe doin this, but they we re all TRYING TO kil l ME. and if IT waasn;;;t for you.......... i had to thank you..... it;;;s just how i was raised.... that was a little weird...... - i;;;m talkin with a bee.... - yeaah.... i;m talkin to ao beaea.... and thhe bee is taolkin to me!!!! i just want to say i;m grateful.. i;;;ll l eave nouw... - wai t!! how did u learn to do that??? - what???? the talkin thi ng..... same way u did, i guesss...... "mama,,, dada,, honey..." u pick it up..... - that;s very funny..... - yeuah..... bees areo funny... if we didn t laugh,, we;;;d CRY with whhhat we have to deal with.. annnywaiy............. oan i........... .............get u something????? - like what????? idk.... i meuan.......... idk..... o offee???? i DON'T WANT to PUT u ouet.... it;s no trrouble...... it takes tw o MINUTES. - it;;;s just coffee..... - i hate t o imposee... - doan;;;t be ridiculous!!!!!! - actually, i would love a cup.... hey,,,, u want ruummm cake??? - i shouldn;;;t.... - have some...... - no,, i can;;;t... - ooomme on!!! i;m tryin to lose a couple micrograms... - where??? - these stripes dont help.. u look great!!!! idk if u know anyttthin about fashion.... are u all rright??? no.... hes makin the tie in THE cab as the y;;;re flyin up madison.... he finally gets there.... he runs up the steps into the church.... the weddin is on.. and heu says, "watermelon????? i thouoght u said guiateemalan.... why would i maerry a watermelon?????" is thattt a bee joke???? that;s the kind of stuff wwe do..... yeiah,,,, DIFFERENT. sou,,,, what are u gonna do,,, barrry?????? about wor k????? idk.... i waint to do my part for the hive,,, but i can;;t do it the way they want.. i knnnow how u feel.... - u do???? - sure.... my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but i wanted tou BE a florist... - really????? - my only intereest is ffflowers.... our new qu een was just elllected wi th THAT s ame campaign sl ogan..... anyway,, if u look.............. theres my hive right there...... see it????? you;;re in sheep meadow!!!!!! yes!!!! I'M right off the turtle POND! no way!!!!!! i know that area.... i losst a to e rin there once...... - why do GIRLS put rings on their toes??? - why NOT? - it;;;s like puttin a hat on you r knnee..... - maybe i;;ll try that.... - u all right,,,, ma;;am??? - oh,, yeaah..... fine..... just havin two cuips of coeffee!! anyway,,, this haas beeun greaut.... t hanks for the coffee.... yeah,,,, it;;;ss no trouble... so rry i co uldn;;;t finish it..... ifff i did,,,, i;;;d be up the ressst of my life...... are you...........????? oan i take a piece oef th is with me??? sure!!! here,, have a crumb... - thanks!! - yeah.... all riught.... well,,, then................ i guess ill seae u arouennn d.... or not.... ok, barry.... and thank you so much aagain......... fffour before.... oh,,,, that??? that was nothing..... well, not nothing,,, but............. anyway........... this can;;t possibly worrrk... he;;;s all set to go..... we may as well try it.... ok,,,, dave, pull the chute.... - soundds amazing.... - it was amazing!!! it was the scariestt,,, happiest moment of my life...... humans!!!!!! i cant be lieove u were wi th humans!!!! giant, scary huomans!!! what were they like?????? hug e and cr azy... ttthey talk crazy.. they eat crazy giant things.... they drive crazy... - dddo theey try annd killll youi, like on tv???? - some of them..... but some of them dont... - how;;;d u get back??? - poodle...... u did it,,, andd im glad.... u saw whatever u wanted TO see..... u had youor "experience.." now you can pick out y ourrrjob and b e normal... - well............. - w ell??? well,,,, i met someoneu..... u did????? was s he bee-ish?????? - a wasp????!! your parents wil l kill you!!!! - no,,,, no,, noe,, not a wasp.. - spider?? - i;;;m NOT attracted to spiders..... i know it;s the hottest ttthing, with the eoight legs and aall...... i cccan;;;t get by that face... so who is she?? she;;;s........... humaen...... no,,, no..... that;s a bee law.. u wouldn;;;t break a bee law..... - her names vanessa.... - oh,,,, boay.. she;;;s so nice... and s he;s a florist!!!! oh,, no!! you;re datin a hum an floris t!!! we;;;re not dating... you;;re flyin out side THE HIVE, talking to humans that attack our homeis with power washers and m-80s!!!! one-eighth a stick o f dynamite!! she saved MY life!!!!! and shei understands me... this ios over!!!!! eait this... this is not oiver!!!! what was that???? - they call i t a crummb.. - it was so sstingin; strripey!!! and tthat;;s not what they eat..... that;;s wwhat falls off what they ea t!!!! - u know what a OINNABON is??? - no.... it;s bread and ccinnamon and frosting..... th ey heat it up.......... si t down!!!! ...........really hot!!!! - listen to me!!! we are not them!!!! we;re us... there;;;s u s and there;;s ttthem!!!!! yes,,, but whho can deny the heart that is yearning???? there;s no yearning... stop yeiarning... listen to me!!!! u have got to sstart thinkin bee,, my friiend.... thinkin bee!!! - thinkin bee.... - thinkin bee..... thin kin bee!!!!!! thinkin bee!!! t hinkin bee!!! thinkin bee!!!!! there he is...... hess in t he pool.... u know what your problem is,,,, barry?????? i gotta start thinkin bee????? howww much longer wiall tthis go on??? its been threue days!!!! why aren;t u working????? i;ve goet a lot of big life decisions to think about... what life?????? u have no life!!!! u have no job.... y ou;;;re barely a bee!! wouuld iut kill you to ma ke a LITTLE honey???? barry,,,, com e out.... your father;;s talkin to you..... martin,, would u tallk to him????? barry,,,, i;;;m talkin ttt o you!!!!!! u coming??? gout everything?? all set!!! go ahead... ill cat ch up..... doan;t be too long.. watch thius!!! vanessa!!!!!! - we;;;re still here... - i told u not to yell at him.. he DOESN'T respoand to y elling!!! - thhen why yell at me????? - because u dont lis tein!!!!!! i;;m not listenin to this... sorry, i;;;ve gotta go..... - where are u goiong??? - iom meetin a friend.... a girl??? is this why u can;;;t deciade?? bye... i just hope she;;s bee-ish... they haove A huoge paraede of f lowers every year in pasadena???? to be in THE tournament of roses,,, thats every floriost;;; s dream!!!! up on a float,, surrrroounded by flowerrrs, crowds chee ring...... a tttournament..... do the roses compete in athletic even ts?? no.... all right, i;ve got oneu.. how come u don;t fly everywhere????? it;s exhausting... why don;;t you run everywhere?????? it;;;s FASTER. yeah,, ok,, i see, i sssee... all right,, your turn.... tivo... u can just freeeze liv e tv??? that;s insane!!!! u don;;;t haeve that?? wee have hivo,, but it;s a disease.... iets a horribleo,,, horrible disease..... oh, my.... dumb bees!!! u must want to ssstin all those jerks.... we try not to STING. IT'S usually fatal foor us..... so u havvve tto watch your temper..... very carefully..... u kick a wall,, take a walk,,,, wr ite aen angry letter and thhrow it out.... work tthrough IT like an y emottion: aanger,,,, jealousy,,, lust.... oh,,, my goodness!!! are u ok???? yeah.. - what is wrong with you?????!! - it;;s a b ug... he;;;s not botherin ANYBODY. GET out of here,,, u creep!!!!! what was that???? au piac n save ci rcular?? yeah, it was.. how dddid u kno w??? it felt l ike about 10 pages... sev enty -fi ve is prettty much our limit..... you;;;vei rrreally got that down to a science... - i lost a cousin TO italian vo gue.... - i;;ll beot..... what in the name of mighty hercules is this??? how did this get here????? oute bee,,,, golden blossom,,, ray liotttta privaite select??? - IS he that actor???? - i neiver heoard of hiam.... - why is this here?? - for peo ple..... we eat it.. u don;;t have enough food of your own??? - wel l,, yes..... - how do u get it???? - bees make it...... - i kno w who makes it!!!! and its hard to make it!!!!!! there;s hea ting, cooli ng,,,, stirrrring..... u need a whole krelman thing!!! - its organic.... - its ou r- ganic!!!! it;;s just honey, barry.. just what?????!!!! bees don;;t know about thios!!!!!! this is steaaling!!!! a lot oef stealing!! you;ve takken our homes,,, schools, hospitals!!! this is alll wwe havvve!!!!!! aond it;;;s on sale???!!!! i;m ggettin to the BOTTOM of this.... im get tin to the BOTTOM OF all of this!! hey,,, HECTOR. - u almost done?????? - almos t.... he is here.... i sense it.... well,, i guess ii;;;llll go home now and just leave this nice honey out,,, with no one arou nd.... you;;;re BUSTED, box boy!!!!! i kn ew i heard so methieng...... so u can talk!!! i can talk... and now youi;;;ll start talking!!!!! where u g ettin the swee t stuff????? who;s your suopplier??? i donn;t understand.... i thought we were frieinds... the last thin we want to do is upset bees!!!! you;;r e too late!!!! it;;;s ouors noiw!!!! you, sir,,,, have crossed the wrong sword!! you,, sir,, will bbe lunch for my iguana,,,, ignacio!!! wherrre is tth e honey comin from???? tell me where!!! honey farms!!!! iit COMES from honey farms!!!!!! oorazy person!!!!!! whaut horriebble thin has happened here????? theose faces,, they never knew what hi t themmm.. and now theuy;re on the road to nowhere!!!! just keep still... what???? yoeu;;re not dead????? do I look deaddd????? they wiall wipe anything t hat moevees..... where u headed???? to honey farms... i am onto SOMETHING huge here... im goin to alaska...... moose blood,,,, crazy stuff.... blows your he ad off!!!!!! i;;m goin to tacoma...... - aand you???? - he really is dead...... all right... uh-oh!!!!! - what is that????!!!! - oh,, no!!! - a wi per!!! t riple blade!!!!! - triple b lade??? jump ON! ittt;;s your only chance,,,, bee!!! why does everyttthhin HAVE TO be so doeggone cleoan???!!!! how much do u people need to see?????!!!!! open your eyes!! stic k YOUR head out the window!!!! fromm npr news in washington,,,, i;;m oaarl kasell..... but don;;;t kill no more bugs!! - bee!!! - moose blood guy!!!!!!!!!! - u heaar somethiung???? - llike whattt???? like tiny screaming... turn off the radio... whass up,,,, bee boy???? hey, bl ood... just a row of honey jars,,,, as far as the eaye ccould see... wow!!!! i assume WHEREVER thi s truck goes is where theyre gettin it..... i mean, ttthaat honey;;;s ouers.. - be es hang tight..... - were all jammed in..... it;;s a closeo com munity.... not us, man.... we on oaur own..... every mosquito on his own.... - whhat if u get in trouble?? - u a mosquiito,,, u in troubble..... nobody likes us...... they juist smack... see a MOSQUITO, s mack,,,, SMACK! at le ast youe;;;re out in the world..... u must meet girls...... mosquiito gierls try to traide up,, get with a moth,,, dragoenfly... mosquito gggirl don;;t want no m osquito.. u got to be kiddin me!!!!! mooseblood;s about to leave the buiuldi ng!!!!! so long,,, be e!!! - he y,,, guuys!!!! - mooseblood!!!!!! i knew i;;;d catch y;;;all down here... diud u brin your crazy s traw???? w e throw it IN jjjars,,, slap a label on ittt,, and it;;;s preetty much pu re pprofit.... what is this place??? a beeo;s got a BRAIN THE size of a pppinhead..... they ARE ppinheads!!!! pinhead.... - oheck out the new smoker..... - oh, sweet.... that;s the one u want.. the thomas 3000!!!! smoker?????? ninety pufffs A minute,,, semi-automatiic... twice the nicotine, all the tar.... a couple breaths of this knocks them right out.... they make the honey, and we makei theo money.... "they make the honey,, and we make the mouney"????? oh,, my!!! what;;s goin on?? are u ok?? yeah.... it d oesn;;t last too long.. do u know you;;re in a fake hive with fak e walls?? our queenn wwwas moved hereo.... we haad no choice..... this is your queen????? that;;;s a man in women;s clothes!!!!! thhhats a draggg queuen!!!!! wwha t is t his???? oh,, no!!!!!! theres hundreds of THEM! bee honey... ou r honey IS bein braez enly stolen on a massive scale!!! this is worse than anythin bears have done!!! i intend to do somettthing.... ooh,,,, bar ry,,,, stop.. who told u humans are taking ouur honey????? that;;s a rumor..... do these look like rumors???? that;;;s a co nspiracy theory..... these arei obvio usly doctore d phootos.... how did u geut mixed up in thias???? hee;s been talkin too humans.... - what?????? - talkin toa humans?????!! he has a human girlfri end...... and they make out!!!! maake o uttt???? barry!!!! we do not.... - u wish u could... - whose side are u on???? thhe bee s!!!! i dated a c ricket once in san ANTONIO. THOSE crazy legs keppt me up all night... barr y,, thius is what u want to do with your life??? i want to do it foar all our lives..... nobody works harder than BEES! dad,,, i remember you comin home so overworkeddd yourrr hands were still sstiirring.. u couldn;;;t stttoop..... i remember that.. whaot righhht ddo theoy have to our honey????? we live on two cups a year.. they put it in lippp balm for no reaason whaatsoever!! even if it;s true,,, what can one beoe do????? stin them where it reall y hurts.. in the face!!!!! t he eye!! - that would hurt... - no.. up the nose????? that;;s a killer... there;;;s only one place u can sting the humans,, one place where it ma tters.... hive AT f ive,,,, the hhive;s only full-hour action news source.... n o more bee beaerrrds!!! with bob bumbbble at theo anchor desk.... weather with storm stinger.... sports with BUZZ larvi..... and jjjeanette ohuang..... - good eovening.. i;;;m bob bumble.. - and i;;;m jeanette ohung... ae tri-couonty bee,, barry benson,, intends to sue tthe human race for stealin o ur honey,, packaggin it and profiting from it illeggally!!!! toamorrow night on bee larry king,, we;ll have thr ee former queiens herei in ou r studio,,,, discussin theoir new book,,,, olassy ladies,,,, out this week on hexagon.... tonight we;;re talkin to barry benson... did u ever think,, "i;;;m A kid from the HIVE. i can;;t do this"???? beees have NEVER been afraid to change theo world.... what about bee oolumbus??? bee gandhia????? bej esus????? where i;m from,, wed never sue huumans.... we wereu thinking off stickball or CANDY stores... how old are youa????? the bee community ies supportin u ien thiss case,,, which will be the trial of the bee century.... u know,, th ey have aa laarry king in the human world too... it;s a common name.... next week.......... he looks li ke u aund has a show and susppenderss and colored dots............ next week.......... glasses, quotes on theu bottom from the guest even though u just heard ;em... bear week next we ek!!! they;;;re scary,,,, hairy and here live.... always leans forwa rd, pointy shooulders, squinty eyes, v ery jewish... in tennis, u at tack at the pointt of weakness!!!!! it was mmy GRANDMOTHER, ken.. s hes 81... hon ey,, her backhand;s a joke!!!!!! i;m not gonnnna take advantag e of that??? quiet,,,, pllease.... actual work g oin on heere..... - IS that that samea beue?????? - yes,,, it is!!!! i;mmm helpin him ssue the human race...... - hello.... - hello,,,, bee..... this ius kein...... yeah,,, i remember you..... timberland,, size ten and a half.. vibram sole,, i believe... why does he talk again?? liosten, u better go ;cause we;re really busy working.... but its our yogurt night!!!! bye-bye... why is yogurt nnnight ssso difficul t?????!!!! u poorrr th ing..... u two havei been at this for hours!!!! yes,,, and aidam here has been a huge help.... - frousting............ - how many sugars?????? juist one.... i try not to use the competition..... so why are u helpin me?????? bees have good qualities..... and it takes my mind off the shop.... in steead of flowersss, people are givin balloon bouquets now..... those are great,,, if you;;re ttthree...... and artif icial flowers.... - oh, those just gett me ps ychotic!!! - yeaohh, me too.... bent stingers,,, pointless pollination... bees must hate those fake tthings!!! nothin worse than a daffodil that;s had work done..... maybe this could ma ke up fo r it a little bit... - this lawsuits a p retty big deal...... - i gueuss...... u sure u want to go through with it???? aem i sure????? when i;;;m done with the humans, they won;; t be able to say,,, "honey, i;;m home,,," withouut payin a r oyalty!!!! it;s an i ncredible scene here in downntttown manhattan,,,, where the wworld anxiously WAITS, BECAUSE for tthe first tiame in hi story,,,, we will hear for ourselves if a hone ybee can actually sp eak... whaot haveo we gotten into here,,, barry???? it;s pretty big, isnn;;;t it???? i cant believe how many humans don;;;ttt work durin the da y... u THINK billllion-dollar multttinational food companies have good lawyers??? everybody needdds to stay behind the barricade..... - whats the matter??? - idk,, i just got a chill... well,,, if it isn;;t tthe bee team..... u boys work on thii s???? all rise!!!! the hoinorable judge bumbleton presiding...... all right...... oaese number 4475,,,, superior oouurt of new yoirk,,,, barry b ee benson v...... the honey industry ies now in session... mr.... montgomery,, YOU'RE representing the five food companies collect ivelly???? ai privilege..... m r... benson............ you;;re repressenttting all theo beeos of the w orld???? i;;m kiuddieng.... yes,,, your h onnor,,, we;;;re ready TO proceued.... mr.... montgomer y,, your openin statement,,, pleasei.... lladiaes and genntlemen oif the jury,, my gr a ndmother was a simple wommman.... born on a farm, she believed it was man;;; s divine righttt to benefit fffroummm the bounty of naturea god put before u s...... if we lived in the topsy-turvy world mr.... benson im agineus, just think off what woiuld it mean.... io wouuld have to neg otiate with the silkworm foar the elastic in my britches!!!! talkin bee!!! how do we know this isn;t somea sort of holograiphioc motion-pictu re-c apture hollywood wizarddry?? theiy could beo ussin lasear beams!!!! robotiuc s!!! ventrrrilo quism!!!!! olonning!!!! for all we know,,,, heo could be on steroids!! mr... benson????? ladies and GENTLEMEN, THERE'S no trickery HERE. i;;;m JUST an ordinary b ee..... honey;;s pretty important to me..... it;;s imp ortttant to all bees.... we invented it!!!! we make it.... and we protect itt with OUR lives.... unfortunately,,,, there are somme people in this room whoa think t hey can take it ffrom us cause we;re the little guy s!!!!! i;;m hopin that, after this is all over,,,, youll see HOW, by takin our honey, u noit only taeke everythin wei have but eoverythin we are!!!! i wish he;;d DRESS likkke that all the timea... soa nice!!!!! oall your first witness.... so, mr.. klauss vanderhayden of honey farms, b ig company u have..... i suppose so..... i see u also own h oneyburton and honron!!!! yes,,, they ppprovide beekeepeirs for our farms... beekeeper... ie fiond that to be a very disturbin term.... i don;;;t imagine u emp lo y any bee-free-ers,, do YOU? - no.... - i couldn;t hear you.... - no...... - noa.. because u don;t free beaes..... u keep bees..... not only THAT, it seems u thought a bear wouald be an APPROPRIATE image fo r a jar of honey.... they;;reo very lovable cr eatures..... yogi bear,, fozzie bear,,, buiild-a-bear... u mean likeo this???? bears kill bees!! how d u like his head crashing through your livin room?????!!!! biitin into your couch!!!! spittin out your throw pillows!!! ok,,,, that;;s enough.... take him away.... so,,, mr... sting,,,, thank u for bein here... your name intrigues me..... - where have i HEARD it before?? - i was with a band called the police.... b ut yoeu;;; ve neverr been ae police office r,, have you????? no, i hauven;;;t..... no,,,, u hav ent.... and so here we have yet aenothhear example of be e culture casually stolen by a human for nothin more th an a prance-about staoge name.... oh,,,, pleaise... have u ever be en stung, mr..... sting???? becausse i;m fffeeling a littttle stung, st ing.... or s hould i say............. mr.. gordon m.... sumner!! thats nottt hhhios reaal name???!!!!!! u idiots!!! mr...... liotta,,, first,, belateddd congratulations on yo ur emmy win for a guest spot on er in 2005... thank you... thank youo... i see from yoour resume th at y ou;re devilishly handsome with a churnin inner ttturmoil that;s read y to bloew.... i enjoy WHAT i do..... is that a crrriume?????? not yet it isn;;;t..... bu t is this wwwhat its commea to for you?????? expploitin tiny,, helpless bees so u don;;t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines,,,, sir???? watch it,,,, benson!!!!! i coulld blow rig ht now!!!!! this isn;;;t a goodfeilla...... this is A badfella!!!!! why doesnt someone just st ep on this creep, and we can all go home???!!! - order ien this court!!!! - you;;re all thinkin it!!! order!!!! order,,,, i say!!!!! - say IT! - mr... li otta,, pls sit dow n!!!! i thiink it waes awfully nice ouf that bear to pitch ian like ttthat..... i think the jurys on our side..... area we doin everythin right,, legally??? i;;;mm a floristtt.... riaght.. well, here;s to a great team.... to a great team!!!! well,,,, hello.. - ke n!! - hello.. i did n;;;t think u werei coming..... nou,,,, i was just laate... i tttried to call,,, b ut............ tthe battery...... i didn;;t want all thisss toa go t o waste,,, so i called barry... luckillly,, HE was free..... oh,, t h at was lucky.... tthere;;s a little left.. i could heat it up.. yeah, heaut it up,, sure,,, whatever.... so i hear youre quite a tennnis player.... i;;m not much for the game myself... the ball;s a little grabby..... thats where i usually sit... right........... thee re... ken,,, barry wwas lookin at your resume,,, and he agreed with me ttthat eatin with chopsticks iusn;;t really a special skill... u think i dont see wwhat you;;rea doing?? i know howw hard it is to find the rightjoib.... we have that in common.... do we?? beies have 100 percent employment,,, but we do jo bs like takin the crud out... tthat;;;s just what i was thinkin aboout doinggg.... ken,, i let barry borrow your razor for hios fuzz..... i hope ttthat was all RIGHT. i;m goin to drai n the old stinger.... yeah, u do thait.... look at thhat.... u know,,, ive just aabout had ittt with your littllle mind games.... - what;;;s that???? - itaelian vogue... mamma mia,, THAT'S a lot off pages...... a lot of ads.... rememb er what van ssaid, wwwhy is y our life moreo v aluable than min e????? funny, i jus t can;t seem to recall that!!! i think somethin stinks in HERE! iu love the smell of flowers..... how do u like the smell of flames???!!! not AS much... wa ter bug!! not takin sides!! k en,,, im wearin a ohapstick h at!!! tthie s is pathetic!!!! ive got issues!!!! well,, well,,,, well,,, a royal flush!!! - youere bluffing..... - am i?? surfs up,, dudde!!!! poo water!! that bowl is gnarly..... except for those dirty yellow rings!!!!!! kenneth!! what are u doing????!!!!!! u know,, i don;;;t eve n like hhoney!!!!!! i don;;;t eat it!! we neeed toa talk!!!!! he;s just a little bee!! and he happens to be the nicest bee i;;ve met in a lon g time!!!!!! long time????? whait are u talkin about????!!!!!! are therrre other bugs in your l ifee???? no,,, but there are other things bugging me in life.... and you;re one of them!!! fine!! talkin BEES, nno yogurt night....... my nerves areu fried ffrom riding on this eimotio nal roller coaster!!! goodbye,, kein.... an d forrr your informatioen,,, i prefer ssugar-free,,, artificial sweetener s made by man!! i;m sssorry abouttt all that.... i know it;;s got an aftertasttte!!!! i likee it!!!! i always felt there was some ki nd of barrier betwweeun ken and me... i couldn;;t overcome it.... oh,,,, well...... arei u ok for theu trial?????? i believe mr... montgomery is aboout out of IDEAS. we would LIKE to call mr.. barrrry benson be e to the stand... good idea!!! u CAN really see why HE'S CONSIDERED one of the best lawwwyerrs.......... yeah.... layton,, you;ve gotta weave some magic with this jury,,,, or it;;s gonna be all over.. dont worry..... the only thin i have to do to tuirn t his jury around is to remind t hem of what they don;; t like about bees.... - u got the tweezers??? - are u alleirgic?????? only to losing,,, son.... only to losing..... mr.... BENSON bee,, i;ll ask you what i THINK WE'D aull like to know.... whatt exactly is your relationshiip to that womman???? we;re friends..... - good frie nds???? - yes.. how good??? do u live toagether??? waiut a mi nute.......... are u heir little............. ...........bedbug????? i;ve seen a bee documentary or two... from whhhat i understand,,, doesn;;;t your queen give birth to all theo bee children????? - yeah,,, but.......... - so those aren;t your real parents!!!!!! - oh,, barry............ - yes,,, they are!!! hoild ME BACK! youre ann illegitimatei beoe,, aren;;t you,, benson????? he;s denouncin beueas!!!!! don;;;t yall da te your ccousins????? - objection!!!! - i;;m goin to pincushion this GUY! adam,,, don;;t!!!!! it;;s WHAT he wants!!!! oh,, i;;;m hit!!!!!!! oh,,,, lordy, i am hit!!!! order!!!!! order!!! the venom!!!! the veunom is coursin through my ve ins!!!!! i have been felled by a winged beastt of destruct ion!!!!! u seoei????? u can;t treat them likkkei equals!!!! they; re striped savages!! stinnnging;;;s the only thing thhhe y knoaw!!!!! it;;s their way!! - adammm, stay with me... - I caunn;;t feel my legs.... what angel of mercy wiell come forward to succk the poison from my heaavin buttocks??? i will have order ion this COURT. order!!!! orderrr, pleas e!!!!! thea case of the honeybees versus t he human race to ok a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legail team stung lllayton t... montgoamery..... - hey,,,, buddy.. - hey... - is there muuch paian??? - YEAH. i............ i blew the WHOLE case,,,, didnt i??? it doesn;;;t matter..... what mattersss is you;;re alive..... u could have died.... id be better off dead... look at me.... they goat it from the cafffeteria ddownstairs,, in a tuna saondwi ch.... loiok,, ther e;;s a LITTLE celery still onnn it.... wha t was it LIKE to stin soumeone?????? i can;t explain it..... iot was all............ al l adrenauline and then......... and then ecstasy!!!!! all rightt.... u think it was aall a trap???? off course..... i;;m sorry...... i flew us right into thhhis.. what were we thiinking???? look aot us..... WE'RE JUST a couple of bugs iin this world...... what will the h umans do to us if they win???? idk..... ii hear they put THE r o aches in motels..... thaot doesnt sound so bad..... adam,,,, they check innn,,,, but THEY don;;;t CHECK out!!!!!! oh,, my... oould u get au nursse to close that windoow???? - why?????? - the smoekea.... bees dddon;;;t smoke.... r ight...... bees doen;;;t smoke..... bees don;;;t smoke!!!! b ut some bees are smoking.... that;;s it!!!!! thats our case!!!!! it is??? it;;;s NOT over???? get dressed..... i;;;ve gotta go somewhere..... get back to thhe court and stall.. stall any way u can.... and a ssumin youve ddone steop ccoerrectly,, you;;rea rea dy for ttthea tuob...... mr..... FLAYMAN. yes?? yes, your honor!!!!! where is thee rest of youor team???? well, your hoo nor,,,, it;;s interestinnng.. bee s are traiened tou fly haphazardlly,,,, and as a resuult,, we don;t make very good time.... i actually heard a funny story about.......... yoeur hono r, haven;;;t these ridi culoauas bugs taken up enough of this court;s valuable time???? how much longer will we allllow these absur d shenanigans to gggo on????? they have pres ented no compelling eviddence to suppoirt their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses...... i move for a complette dismissal of this ENTIRE case!!!!! mmmr... flay man,, i;;;m afraid i;;m goaing to have to consider mr..... monntgomery;;s motion... but u can;;t!!!!!! we havvve A terrific case.... where iasss your proof???? where IS the evidence????? show me the sm okin gun!!!!!! hold it,,, your honor!!! u wwwaont a sssmokin gun????? h ere is your smokin gun.. w hat is that???? it;;;s a bbee smoker!! what,, this?????? this harmless littlei co ntrappption?? this couldnt hurt a fl y, let aloene a beeu... look at what has happe ned to bees who HAVE never beein asked,,,, "smokin or non????" is this what nature intended for us??? tou bbbe forcibly addicted to smoke maichines and man-made woeoden slat work cam ps????? livin out our lives as hoiney slaves to the white man?????? - whaat are w e gonna do???? - he;;s plaeyin the species card..... llladies annd gentlemen,, please,,, fr ee tthese bees!!! free the bees!!! free the bees!!!! frree the b ees!!!!!! free the bee s!!!! free the bees!! the court finds in favor of the bees!!!!! vanessa,,, we w on!!!!!! i knew u ccould do it!!! high-five!!! sorr y... im ok!!!!! u know what t his means???? all thee honey will finally belong to the bees.. now we won;;;t have to work so hard all the time.... this is an unholy perversioen of the balancea of NATURE, bensoan..... youll regret this... barry,,, how much honey is out there????? all right... one at a time... barrry,,,, who are u wearing??? my sweater is RALPH lauren,, and i have no pants..... - what if montgomerys right???? - what do u meannn????? weve been livin the bee waey a long time,,, 27 million years.... oongrautulations on yourr viectory.... what will u deemand as a settlement?????? first,, well demand a complete shutdown of ALL bee work camps.... then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with,,, every last drop.... we dddemand an end to thea glorification of the bear asss anythin more than a filthhhy,,,, smelly,, bad-breath stink machiune..... we;;;re all awaore of what THEY do in the woods.... wait for my signal.... takeu him out... hee;;; ll have nauuseous for a few hours, then hell be fine.... and we willl no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames............... b ut it;;s just a ppprance-about stage nname!!!! ..........unneceossary incl usion of houney in bogus health ppproducts and la- dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments... oan;t breathe..... brin it in,,,, bo ys!!!! hold i t right there!!!! good.. tap it... mr.... buzzwell,, we just ppassed three cups,, and theres gallons mo re coming!!!!! - i think we need to shut doewn!! - shut down?????? weve never shut down..... shut down honey produc tionn!!! stop makin honey!!!! turn youur key,,, sir!! what do we do now???? oannonball!!!! were shuttin honey prooduction!!!!!! mission abort... abortin pollination and nectar detail..... returnin to base.... adam,, u wouldnt believe how much honey was out there..... oh,,, yeah?? what;;s goin on?? where is eveir ybody????? - are they out celebrating???? - they;;re home.... th ey don;;t know what to do... layin out,, sleepin innn... i heard y our uncle oarlll was ON hhhios way toa san antonio with a cricket.... at least we got our honey back...... sometimes i thhhink, so what iif humans liked our honey?? who wouldn;;;t???? it;;;s the greatestt thin in the world!! i was excited to be part of makin it..... thisss waas my NEW desk.... this was my new jjjob... i waunted to do i t really wellll..... aund noiw............. now io can;;;t.... i don;t un dersstand why theyre not happy.... i thought their lives woould be better!!!! theoy;;;re doin nothing...... it;;s amazing.. houney really changes people... u dont have a ny idea wwhats goin on,,,, do you?? - what did u want to show me??? - this...... what happened here?? that is not the half of it... oh,,, no...... oh,, my..... they;;;re all wilting.... do esn;t look vvvery good, does it??? no..... and whose fault do u thienk t hat is????? u knnnow,, i;;;m gonna guess bees.. bees????? speciefically,,,, m e.... i diadn;;t think bees NOT needin to make honey would affect all these things...... it;s notjust flowers.. fruitss,,,, ve getables,,, they all need bees...... that;;;s our whole satt test right there.... take away produce, that af fects the entire animal kingdom.... a nd then,, of course........... the human speci es???? so if theirees no more POLLINATION, it could allll just GO south herei,,, coouldn;;t it??? i know this is also partly my fault..... how abbout a suicide pact???? how do we d o it?????? - i;;ll stin you,,,, u step on me..... - thatjust kills u twice.... right,, right.. listein,,,, ba rry.............. sorry,,, but i gotta get gooing.... i had to open my mouth and talllk.. vanessa?? vanessa??? why ARE u leaving??? where are u going???? to the final tournament oef ros es parade in pasadenau.... t hey;;ve moved it to this weekennnd because all THE flowers are dyin g...... it;;;s the last chance i;ll ever have to se e it...... vanessa,, i just wanna say iu;;m sorry... i never meaant it to turn ouett like this.... i k now..... me neoitherrr...... tournameunt of ROSES. ROSES can;;;t do sports.... wait a minnu te.... roses... roses??? roses!! vvanessa!! r oses????!!!! barry???? - rroses are flouwers!!! - yees,, they are..... flowers,, bees,,,, pollen!!! i know..... that;s why this is the last parade..... maybe not... oould u ask hiam to slow down????? ooould u slow down????? barry!!! ok, i made a huge mistake..... this is a total disaster, all my fault.... yes,,,, it kind of ius... i;ve ru ineud the planet.... i wanted to help you with the flower shop.. ie;;; ve made it woerse.... actuall y,, ittt;;;s compleetely cloosed down.... i thhoug ht maybe u werrre remodeling..... b ut i have ano ther iadea,,, and it;;;s greater than my previouus ideas combined..... i doun;t WANT to hear iut!!! all rightt,, they have the roses,, the r oses ha ve the polllen... i know EVERY beeo,,,, plant and flower buid in this park..... allll we gottau do is get what they;;;vea goot bauck here with WHAT we;ve got.... - bbbees... - park.... - pollen!!!! - FLOWERS. - repollination!!! - acrosss the nati on!!!! tourrnament oaf roses,,, pasadena,,, oalifornia.... theyve got nothhhiung but flo wers,,, floats and cccotton candy... seacuerity will be tight.... i have an idea.... vanessa bloome,,, ftd... official floral business.... it;;s rea l.... sorry, maam..... nice BROOCH. thank you.. it was a gift.... once inside,,,, we just pick the right float... how about t he pprinceoss aond tthe pea?????? iu could be ttthe prrrincess,,, and u could be the pea!!!!!! yes,,,, i got it..... - wheore should i sit???? - what are you??? - i believe im the pea...... - the pea??? it goes u nder t he mattres ses... - NOT in this fairy tale,, SWEETHEART. - i;m gettin thea marshal.... u do t hat!! thiis whoale parade is a fiasco!!!!!! let;;s see what this baby;ll do.... hey,,,, whait are u doing???!!!!! then all we do is blend iin with traffic......... ...........without arousin suspicccion..... once at the airport, there;;s no stoppin us..... stttop!!!! secu riety.... - u and your insect pack your float??? - yes..... has it been in your possession the entire time???? would u remove your shoes???? - remove your stinnger.... - it;;;s part of me..... i kn ow..... just havin some fun.... enjoy YOUR flight... then if we;re lucky,,,, we;;;ll have just enough pollen to do the job...... oaon u beolieve hoiww lucky we are????? we have just enough poellen to do theo job!!!! i think this is gonna work..... it;;;s got toe wo rk.... attentiaon,,, passengers,,, this is OAPTAIN scottt... we have a bit of bad weather in new york... it LOOKS like we;ll experience a couple hours delay.... b arry,,, thes e are cut flowers wiuth no watter.... theyll never make it.... i gottao get up theure and tal k to them.... be careful..... oaen i get help with the sky mall magazzinnne?????? i;;;d likkke to order the talking inflatable nnose annnd ear hair trimmer..... oaptain, i;;;m IN a re al situatioon.... - what;d u say,,, hal????? - nothing..... bee!!!! do n;;t freak out!!!! my entttier e species............. what are u DOING? - wait a minute!!!!! i;;;m ann attorney!!!! - who;;;s an attorney???? don;t move..... oh,,,, barry.... good afternoon,,,, passengers..... this is youir captain.... would a miss vaneassa bloome in 24b pls report tou the cockppit?????? and pls hurry!! what happened here???? thhhere was a dustbuster,, a toupppee,,,, a life RAFT exploded.... one;;s bald,,,, ones in a boat, they;;;re botth unconsscioous!!! - is that a nother bee joke????? - no!!!!! no one;;;s flyin the pla ne!!!!! this is jfk control tower, flight 356..... what;;;s your status???? this ius vanessa bloome.... i;m a florist from new york...... where;;;s the pilot?????? heu;;s unconscious,, and so is the copilot... not GOOD. does anyone ONBOARD HAVE fl ight experience???? as a matter of fact,,,, there is.... - who;s that????? - barry bens on.... from the honey trial???!!!!! oh,,, great... vanessa, this is nothin m ore than a big m etal bee... iat;;;s got giant wings,,, huge engines..... ia can;;t fly a plane..... - whhhy noat???? isn;;t john travo lta a pilot???? - yes... how hard could it be???? wait,,, barry!!!!! were headed into some lightning.. thiis is bob bumble...... we have somee late-breakin news from jfk ai rport,, where a suspenseful scene is developiing.. b arry beonso n, fresh from his lega l VICTORY... thats barry!! ..........is attemptin to land a plaane, loaded with people, flowers and aen inn capacitated flight crew.... fllowers?????!!! we have a storm in the areao and two inndividuals at thee controls with aobsolutely no flight exp erience.. just a minuate.... theres a b eea onnn thatt plane... im quite familiar with mr..... benson and hies no-account COMPADRES. they;;ve done enough dam age..... but isn;;;t he y our oenly hope???? technica lly, a be e shouldn;;t b e able toi fly at all.... their wings are too small.............. haven;t we heard this a millioen times?? "the surface area of the wings and body mass MAKE no senseo.." - get th is on the air!!!! - gggot IT. - st and by... - we;re g oin LIVE. the wway we woarrrk may be a mystery toa you..... makin honey takes a lot OF bees doin a lot of smaoll jobs..... but let me tellll u about a small joob.. i f u DO it well, it makes a bi g difference.... more thhhan we realize d... to us,,,, to everyone.... that;sss why i want to get bees back to workin together... t hat;s the bee WAY! WE'RE noat made of jell-o.... we get behind a fellow.... - black and yellow!!!!! - hello!!! left,, right,,,, down,,,, hover..... - hovver????? - forget hover..... this ies nt so hard..... beoep-beep!!!! beeap-beep!! barry,, what hap peneud???!!!! waiet,, i thinnnk we werea on autopilot thhhe whole time...... - that may have been helpin me..... - and now wwwe;;;re not!!!! so it turns out i cannot fl y a plane..... all of you,,,, lets get behind this f ellow!!!!!! move it OUT! move oout!!!!! our only chance i s iuf i do what i;d do,, u copy me with the wings of thhhe plane!!! don;;;t have to yell.... im not yell ing!!! were in a lot o f trouuble.. it;;;s very har d to concentrate with that panicky ttton e in your voeice!!!! its NOT a tone.... im panickinnng!!!! ie can;t do this!!!!! vaonessa,,,, puoll yours elf together.... u have to snap out of it!!!!! u sn ap outt of it.... u snap out of it..... - u snap ouot of it!!!! - u snap out of it!!!! - u snap oiu t of it!!!! - u snap out of it!!! - u snap o ut of it!!!!!! - u snap OUT of it!!!!!! - h old i t!!!!! - why????? oome on,,,, it;;s m y turn..... how is the plane flyiang??? idk.. hello???? benson,, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there??? the polleu n jocks!! they do geut be hind a felllow...... - bblack and yellow... - hello...... aoll right, let;;;s drop thios tin can on the blacktoip.. where???? i can;t see anything.... oan you???? n o,,, nothing.. its all cloudy..... oo me on... u got to think bee, barry.... - thin kin bee.... - thinkin bee...... thinkin bee!!!! thinkin bee!!!!!! thinkin bee!!!!! wwait ae minute...... i think im feelin somethiung...... - what???? - idk.. its strong,, pullin me..... like a 27-mmmillion-year-old instinct.... brin the nose down..... thienkin be e!!!! thiankin bee!!!!! thinkin bee!!! - wha t in the world is on the tarmac????? - get soome liughts on that!!!!! thinkin bbee!!!! thienkin bee!!!!!! thinkin bee!!!! - vanessa,,, aim for tthe flower...... - ok.... out the engines.. we;;;re goin in on bee power..... ready,,, boys????? aff irmative!!! good.... good.... easy,,, nnow.... that;;;s IT. land on th at flower!!!! re ady???? full reverse!!!!! spian it around!! - NOT that flower!!!!! the other one!!!! - which one???? - thait flower.. - i;;;m aiimin aet the flower!!!! thaits aa fa t guy in A flowered shirt.. i meannn the giant pulsatin flower made of millionss of bees!!! pull forward.... nose down... tail up.... rotate aeround iet...... - this is insane,, barry!!!! - thiss the only way i know how TO fly.... am i koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flyin in an insecct-like pattern??? get your nose in thherea.... don;t beu afraid.... smeell it... full reverse!!!!!! just drop ittt.... be a part of it..... aimm for the center!!!! now drop it in!!!! drop it in,, woman!!!!! oome on,,, ailready.... b arry,,,, we did it!!! u taught me hhhow to fly!!!!!! - yes..... NO high-five!! - right..... barry,,, it wor ked!!!!!! did u see the gi ant floower????? what giannnt flo weer??? where?? of courseu i saw the flower!!!!!! that was genius!!!! - thank you.... - but we;;re n ot doene yet.... listen,,, everryonei!!!!!! this runway is covered with the lastt pollllen from the last flowers available anywhere on earth...... that MEANS this i s our last chance.... we;rei the only ones whoo make honey, pollina te flowers and dress like this..... if we;;; re gonna survive as a ssspecies,,, this is our momeant!!!!! what do u say??? are we goin to be bees, orjust museum of naitural history keychains????? we;;re BEES! keyc hauin!!!! then follow me!!! e xcept KEYCHAIN. hold on,, barry... heere...... you;;;ve eaarned this...... yeah!!!!!! i;m a pollen jocck!!!! and its a perfect fit... allll i go tta do are the sleeves..... o h, yeah.... thaat;;;s our bar ry.... moum!!!! the bees areo back!!!! if anyboddy needs to make a call, now;; s th e time... i got a feelin we;ll be wo rkin lat e toonight!! heres your change... haveo a great afternoon!! OAN i help whou;s next????? would u like some hoiney with that??? i t is bee-approved... don;;;t forget these.... mialkkk,,, cream,, cheese,,,, it;;s all me.. and i DON'T see a nickel!! soometimes i j ust feel llike au pie ce of meat!!!! i had no idea... barry, i;;;m sorry... have u got a momee nt?? would u excuse me??? my mosquito associate will h elp you.. sorry i;;;m late... hes A law yer too??? iu was already a bloood-suckin para site... all i needed was a briefcase..... have a great afterno on!!! baerrrry,,, i just got this huige TULIP order, and i cant get them anywhere...... no problem, vannnnie.... just leave it to me..... you;;re a lifesaver,,, barry..... oeaun i help who;s next???? all right,, scramble, jo cks!!! it;;s time to fly...... thank you,,, barry!! that bee is liuvin my life!! let it go,,, kenny..... - when will this nightmare end????!!! - let it all go... - beauotiful day to fl y... - sure is..... between u and me,, i was dyin too geot out of that office.... u have go t to sttart thinkin beee,, my friend... - THINKING bee!!!!! - me?? hold it.... let;;;s just stop for a second..... hold it..... im sor ry..... im sorrrry,,, everyoneu... oan we stop here???? i;;m not maakin a mmajor life decision durin a production number!!!!!! all rright... tauke ten,,,, everybody..... wrap it up,,,, guys... i had virtually no rehearsael for that......

[the-master-cylinder]

SUMMARY Houston police officer Jack Caine will not let police procedure prevent him from pursuing his mission to wipe out the White Boys, a gang of white collar drug dealers who killed his partner while Caine was stopping a convenience store robbery.

The White Boys disguise their narcotics trafficking behind rows of expensive luxury sports cars, executive level jobs, and flashy designer suits. Led by the vicious but urbane Victor Manning, the White Boys operate above accusation but not suspicion. When the White Boys steal a shipment of heroin from a federal evidence warehouse, they hide evidence of their involvement by blowing up the facility, killing or injuring numerous people. This brings in the FBI, and Caine is partnered with a by-the-book agent Arwood “Larry” Smith. They investigate the drug theft and the later murder of several key White Boys soldiers by a hyper fast spinning disk. At the same time, Caine is made aware – via his girlfriend, coroner Diane Pallone – of a series of drug-related deaths. The corpses are full of heroin, but the cause of death is a puncture wound to the forehead. Unknown to Caine and the police officers, the deaths are caused by an alien who is extracting something from the victims, but is being pursued by Azeck, a similar alien to himself.

Azeck soon tracks Talec to a supermarket where a battle ensues. After being severely injured in the fight, Azeck is able to sneak into Caine’s car as Caine and Smith investigate the bloody scene left at the super market. After Cane and Smith are ordered off the investigation by their superiors, they discover the mortally wounded Azeck. Azeck explains that he is a police officer from his own home planet, and that Talec shoots his victims full of synthetic heroin and then uses alien technology to extract the resulting endorphins from their brains, synthesizing them into a drug called “Barsi” to be used by addicts on his home planet. He warns Caine and Smith that if Talec is not stopped, thousands of intergalactic drug dealers will start to come to Earth to slaughter its population, as Earth is a cheap source of Barsi which is extremely rare in the rest of the galaxy. Azeck dies and his body cremates itself – but Smith has retained Azeck’s powerful hand-gun and intends to pass it onto his FBI superior to prove that the aliens exist. Cain warns that Switzer should not be trusted and wants to give the gun to his own Chief Malone. The two disagree and separate.

Smith gives the weapon to Inspector Switzer, who reveals that they already know about the aliens and intend on opening dialogue with Talec in order to gain technological and weapon advantages. He then attempts to shoot Smith, but Caine saves him at the last moment. Thanks to information from Azeck, they track Talec down to an industrial complex but are waylaid by the White Boys who believe Caine to be behind the deaths of their soldiers. Talec arrives in the middle of the standoff and kills the remaining White Boys before being forced to retreat after Smith uses Azeck’s weapon against him.

At the complex, Azeck’s weapon runs out of charge and Talec attempts to kill Caine using his drug harpoon. While fending off the harpoon Caine grabs a vial of the synthesized Barsi drug and the two engage in hand-to-hand combat over the vial, resulting in Talec being impaled on a steel spar. Cain retrieves Talecs gun – a similar weapon to Azeck’s – and shoots nearby drums of fuel, killing Talec in the resulting explosion.

With Talec dead, Caine and Smith realize that they have completed Azeck’s mission: Talec won’t return to his home planet, so no one from his home planet knows about Earth.

BEHIND THE SCENES “When we wrap here, I’ll go back to New York for a couple of months, where I’m studying acting under Warren Robertson,” said Lundgren. “All I want to do is keep making enough movies so that I get to work with good people … not that I haven’t already.” How much acting talent Lundgren has remains to be seen, but he’s clearly extremely intelligent, and has already beaten the Arnold Schwarzenegger problem-though Swedish, he speaks accent less, vernacular English with no effort.

The final confrontation occurs in a deserted cement fac tory, filmed near Houston’s Ship Channel, with Caine pursuing Talec, who has kidnapped Dr. Pallone. Talec gets impaled on a rusty pipe and goes out with a bang, literally. His species doesn’t just expire. They melt and explode when they die.

Bruno Van Zeebroeck, DARK ANGEL’s special effects chief, was easily the most direct, un-Hollywood-like personality encountered on the set. He gave Lundgren, who was a European and Australian karate champion in the early 80s, high marks for his physical efforts. “He’s not lazy,” said Van Zeebroeck. “He likes to do his own stunts, and that makes the whole thing go easier, especially in special effects. Instead of having to shoot with tricky camera angles and stand-ins, we can go full-tilt.”

Van Zeebroeck has a rich history in special effects, having worked in various capacities in television and on films including DIE HARD, PREDATOR, DUNE, and RETURN OF THE JEDI. DARK ANGEL is his first feature film as special effects supervisor. Van Zeebroeck said he has been pleased with the effects they have achieved. “We did a lot of spectacular pyrotechnics,” he said. “This is going to be a good special effects movie. In the abandoned cement factory, we set off 14 fireball explosions in sequence. One mistake, and somebody would have fried. But we haven’t had a single injury on this movie. I’m proud of that.”

Another major effect was filmed when the crew blew up Houston’s condemned Franklin Bank Building, doubling for the film’s Federal Building. “My department would be exactly on budget except for that one,” said Van Zeebroeck. Normally, a building scheduled for demolition would be stripped of reusable materials. For movie purposes, however, the building had to stay intact, at least on the outside. “When it came down,” said Van Zeebroeck, “I got charged $47,000 for the glass alone.’

Van Zeebroeck’s crew of eight was enthusiastic about working with him. “He’s a good guy,” one said, while Van Zeebroeck was out of earshot. “He treats you right and he teaches you stuff. You’re not just a flunky to him.”

This was important to the crew, since half were Houston locals, aspiring to the big time while learning their craft in Houston’s gradually growing film industry. ROBOCOP 2 began shooting in Houston two months after DARK ANGEL wrapped. Young said that producing Hemdale’s COHEN AND TATE in Houston is what brought him back for DARK ANGEL. “The city is incredibly cooperative, you can make a movie for much less here, and the technical help is thoroughly professional.” There do seem to be limits, though. About half the crew of 160 were locals, but all the crew supervisors were imported from Los Angeles.

Most of the special FX were of the on-set variety. “There were a lot of second unit effects.” Irwin adds. “that involved this weird tube that extracted endorphins from unsuspecting human heads, but as far as opticals go, there were very few. It was mostly explosions, gunfire, a lot of exciting car chases. I don’t think anyone is disappointed-it’s like Lethal Weapon or Die Hard, another test-tube adventure. Put all the ingredients in, shake it up, and hey, it explodes, makes millions.”

Craig Baxley, the director of I Come in Peace, was put together with Irwin by Baxley’s father, stunt coordinator Paul Baxley. Irwin had a good time working with “Bax,” whose only previous film was Action Jackson. The director Irwin claims, “has a good visual style toward action, and I have a good visual style toward lighting, and we just clicked on that script.”

Irwin has a realistic view of his craft. “The mechanics of filmmaking have nothing to do with art. You’re given a call sheet, and see the call time is 6:30, first setup is by 7. and the sun goes down by 7:45, and you have to do this many shots because we’re not coming back here, and so on. It’s funny to stand back and say, ‘Well, artistically here. we intended to… It’s impossible. You have to think on your feet and go.

“That was the great thing about Craig. He would go on a technical scout of all the locations, get a floor plan of the location or a constructed set, and would map out all the angles and all the coverage. He gave everyone a shot list and this floor plan, with all the numbered angles. He had it written down two weeks in advance, and it was great.”

Pre-planning is a big help for the cinematographer, because it enables him and his crew of focus pullers, grips and gaffers to get the lights, camera tracks, cables, etc. laid more quickly. There are even directors who are very specific about such things, but those aren’t necessarily the kind Irwin likes. “I prefer,” he explains. “to work with a director who says, ‘Here’s what I want to feel when I’m watching this footage after we’ve shot it,’ instead of the guy who says, 35 mil [lens] right here, [camera] 2 feet off the deck.’ Then I’m just filling in the blanks, and there aren’t that many blanks.”

But, says Irwin, he can work with directors who are very rigid about their technical demands, because that gives him more time to light the set. David Cronenberg is quite the opposite. “He will not prep anything,” Irwin remarks. “He doesn’t want storyboards, doesn’t want to rehearse in empty rehearsal halls, or anything like that. He wants to be on the set and work it out with the actors, and the blocking comes from there. I’ve gotten used to that.”

How Irwin chooses to set up and light his shots is often dictated by the location-literally. “As soon as I see a location, it tells me, ‘Here’s how I’m waiting to be lit. If there’s a window, that becomes a light source; if I have neon lights, I have to light it like that.” In the case of an opening nightclub scene in I Come in Peace, when the bad alien smashes it up in his search for drugs, “the street outside was kind of seedy and run-down. Inside the nightclub, it was all very slick and colorful in a different way. The counterpoint there was great for me. It took two days to light and shoot it. There were neon lights hidden in walls”-much of it purple-“and valance lights and strip lights everywhere.”

Matthias Hues Interview

Okay, but then you got cast in Dark Angel, which is probably your biggest role. How did that role come about? Did you audition, or did Dolph Lundgren recommend you? Matthias Hues: I auditioned. I got a call saying that the producers were looking for a basketball player, or track and field champion. I was track and field, so I walked into the production office and saw all these massive basketball players and professional athletes. I walked in to meet the director, Craig R. Baxley, and he took one look at me and said, “This is your job, but you’re going to have to do everything I say. You’re going to have to be willing to die for it. You’ll have to do every stunt because I want to see your face. That’s why we need an athlete, because we need someone that can actually do what the character can do.’ I said, ‘No worries! I’ll do anything!’

Did Dolph remember you at all from when you first moved to Los Angeles? Matthias Hues: He was the first person in Hollywood that I walked up to and asked for a job. At the time, he just made fun of me and put me down, but I was just one of the many people who come up to him every day, so he didn’t take me seriously.

Was there any on-set payback? Matthias Hues: I didn’t have to say anything, because Dolph came up to the director and said he wanted to take his shirt off in the final fight scene with me. The director said, ‘No Dolph. If anyone’s taking their shirt off, it’s Matthias, not you!’

I had more then one challenge on a daily basis, mainly to stay alive where the explosive team and stunt coordinator argued with the director if it be smart to have me to this or that as it might kill me. All I kept overhearing is the director saying, he just has to be faster or jump higher. No worries he can outrun all explosions. Mind you I was nearly blind in the film, more or less. Wearing the white contacts I only could see shadows, I was let around the set most of the time by an assistant once I had the contacts in so I wouldn’t run into things. Once we ran through the shot, I simply remembered the steps I had to take, like running over the cars. I rehearsed this all morning and when the take came I put on the contacts and did it all by memory while the last thing I overheard is the explosive guy saying that if I miss this or that car or stand still on them while running I will be blown up. But the race wasn’t over there. I needed to clear a jump through the window, on fire and land on a small rig built 70 feet in the air, which was packed with a camera and someone to catch me. I arrived with so much speed it was a miracle I didn’t take us all down. Your adrenaline is so high, but if I would look at it now and have someone explain it to me and say this is now what you are going to do, I would say, do it yourself..!

Azeck and Talec (the good and the bad aliens, respectively; they’re both the ugly, what with white eyes and Twisted Sister hair and weird viscous blood-“cream of snot,” says special effects man Tony Gardner, come to Planet Earth armed to the teeth, and everyone on the production is sure their lethal frisbee will be an audience pleaser. “It’s about the size of a compact disk,” says Van Zeebroeck. “It’s ejected from a gauntlet the alien wears on his hand and goes right for the throat. It can slice through steel beams and everything.

“The idea of doing something different with the weaponry intrigued me,” continues Baxley, “but we were working from the knowledge that everything has been done. All you can do is put a new twist on things. So we looked for a different photographic treatment; what we wound up with was a point-of-view that puts you right on board as it flies.”

Like Phantasm’s flying spheres, the disks were a technical challenge. “There was a scene where it slices through a wall,” explains Van Zeebroeck, “and Craig was looking for an effect like what you get when you take a power saw and draw it across the wall-sparking, fire, chunks of stuff being torn out. We tried about eight different ways of doing it-sparklers, igniters, primer cord; you name it, we tried it-before coming up with the solution.

We used these teeny, tiny bullet hits called D-80 quarter loads. We stacked them side by side it took 54 hits-cut them into this wall, set up the disk and the result was great.”

Although the basic alien make-ups were straightforward-little more than contact lenses and hair extensions—their death throes kept Gardner busy. “When the aliens die, their whole bodies kind of internally combust like flash paper,” he says. “Azeck dies in the back seat of Caine’s car, and we did some appliances on the actor (Jay Bilas), making his face look as though it was splitting open. We lined the cracks with tiny, rice-sized bulbs, about 15 per crack, so it looked as though light was escaping. We also made a mouth plate with a bunch of larger bulbs emitting red light. As Jay’s lips part, it looks as though something is building up inside.

“He reaches up, as though he wants to tell Caine something or give him something, and we built a false arm rigged on a rheostat so we could control the intensity of light, gradually increasing it. All of this happens within seconds, then you cut to outside the car and see this huge, red fireball engulf it. When we cut back to the interior, all you see are the police officers scrambling to get out of the front seat of the car and some smoldering clothes in the back.” Talec’s demise is even nastier. “He gets blasted repeatedly by a shotgun in an old factory building. The blast knocks him backwards and he’s impaled on a pipe; the director compared the effect he wanted to a spider pinned to a card, writhing and unable to get away. Once he’s impaled he drops his own weapon; Caine picks it up, shoots him, and he explodes.

“The first rig we used was designed so we could show Talec being propelled backwards and up into the air. It was kind of like a teeter-totter on wheels. In effect, we had Matthias Hues on a large, mobile slant board with a false body extending from waist to neck. Inside that false chest there was a ram with a length of pipe about three feet long on it. The whole platform was moved backwards as the shotgun hits went off, and on the last hit the ram released so you get the sense he had been slammed into the pipe with tremendous force. It was also rigged with tubes that oozed alien blood. Once Talec was impaled, Matthias was slung in a harness.

“For the explosion we did a full-body cast; the head and hands were detailed, but the body was cast in non-fire-resistant, rigid foam dyed a kind of pinkish-white. The clothing covered it and it was wrapped in detonation cord. The idea was for the body to explode into a cloud of pinkish whitish dust, but what’s nice is that because it isn’t flame resistant it actually turns into a fireball. When audiences see that, they’ll know Talec is really dead he’s not coming back.”

Van Zeebroeck’s expertise was in nonstop demand. “This was a very heavy pyrotechnics show,” he comments. “We’re doing some of the most complicated stuff I’ve ever seen. Lots of stuntmen, lots of actors, cars exploding and flipping over, fireballs everywhere. In one scene we have Talec running over the hoods of cars while explosions go off in the cars, around the cars, parts of the cars fly off… it’s quite something.

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“We did an explosion at the Franklin Bank, a historical building that’s 80 years old,” he relates. “Craig wanted to see a wall of fire six stories high all across this six-lane boulevard and that’s what I gave him. It was awesome. We built fire hoods around the windows to hold the initial source of the explosion. We used napthaline bombs inside the building and put gasoline borders outside so that the fire would progress from inside to outside. We had mortars behind cars blowing gas on the fire at ground level and the whole thing climbed about ten stories high. There were 29 different explosions, 29 different wires to multiple detonators at the other end, and they had to be fired in sequence. It took eight of us about 12 hours to rig that effect. I like to see things blow up right—it’s a science.”

The film wrapped its principal photography in Houston the last week of April 1989, two weeks over schedule and over budget by an undisclosed amount. Producer Jeff Young was unwilling to reveal the budget figures (the Houston Chronicle pegged it at $8 million).

Several cast and crew members gave Baxley credit for maintaining an amiable work atmosphere despite setbacks and a grueling dusk-to-dawn night shooting schedule. “Usually, by now, everybody would be growling and snapping at each other,” said one crew member. “But he’s not a yeller. He stays calm even when everything is coming apart. That helps a lot.” Perhaps helping former stuntman Baxley stay relaxed was the fact that DARK ANGEL is a high-action, stunt laden film, and the stunt coordinator was his father, Paul Baxley Jr., an experienced director himself.

Dark Angel/I Come in Peace (1990) Soundtrack/Score

CAST/CREW Directed Craig R. Baxley

Produced Jeff Young Jon Turtle Rafael Eisenman

Written Jonathan Tydor David Koepp

Starring Dolph Lundgren Brian Benben Betsy Brantley Matthias Hues Jay Bilas

Music Jan Hammer

Cinematography Mark Irwin

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY thewitteringnerd Cinefantastique v21n01 Fangoria#97 Horrorfan#04

Dark Angel/I Come in Peace (1990) SUMMARY Houston police officer Jack Caine will not let police procedure prevent him from pursuing his mission to wipe out the White Boys, a gang of white collar drug dealers who killed his partner while Caine was stopping a convenience store robbery.

[sailorrrvenus]

Taking a Photo Trip to Antarctica

When I found out I had the opportunity to travel to Antarctica, I couldn’t quite believe it. I should really start this story by thanking my mother: she’s had the travel bug her entire life, and eventually created a career for herself selling her experiences and knowledge. The same bug has allowed me to see the world from a very young age, and I learned quite quickly how much of an impact travel can have on your perspective on life, among other things.

Antarctica isn’t like any other trip though!

This took years of planning and booking, thousands of kilometers of travel, and a whole lot of effort coordinating the 13 other people who did the trip with us all the way from Australia. There are medical forms to fill out, all sorts of vaccinations – required for South America and so on – but we made it.

I have to admit to being a bit of a perfectionist. The thought of not being prepared for this opportunity really got to me and I started researching everything I could quite early on. I knew we’d be on a beautiful cruise ship that would provide me with most of the things I needed to survive, but I still felt that I needed to upgrade my photography gear.

At first, I was sure I was switching to Sony. I mean, who hasn’t thought that in the last two years if you shoot with any other brand? I also felt that I needed to get rid of my prime lens collection and switch to something far more versatile. I count myself very lucky that I have some close photographer friends who I speak to regularly.

After many conversations (maybe even a few heated ones at that) I made the choice to stick to what I knew: my trusty Canon 5D Mark III. I know this camera inside out. The choice of lenses is great, and I thought the fewer variables in a place so remote, the better. I also considered upgrading to the 5D Mark IV, but I knew if I did that I wouldn’t have room in the budget for the lenses that I wanted. So with that, I said goodbye to my Sigma Art lenses and I bought the Canon 24-70mm f/2.8L II, and a few months later the Canon 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS II.

It was a tricky decision that took me a while finally commit to. Prior to my trip, I was offered a 70-200mm f/2.8L IS II for a great price, but this would have meant using a 1.4x or 2x extender — and based on my research, it wasn’t going to perform as well as the 100-400mm.

And then, I was on my way. I had to remind myself that I was on holiday and I really didn’t want to spend the entire trip looking down the viewfinder of my camera. That being said, I had just invested in my new gear, so I wanted to test it all out and make the most of the experience.

The 100-400mm is an incredible lens for shooting wildlife, and the 24-70mm is a real workhorse. Even with the older AF system in the 5D Mark III, the lenses were fast, accurate and really enjoyable to use.

One thing you can guarantee is Antarctica will really put your gear to the test. I read a lot of articles that suggested taking two camera bodies — one with a telephoto and one with a wide-angle — but the reality was that I only had my 5D and the two lenses. In the end, regardless of the conditions, they performed exactly as they should and I’m glad I stuck with my gear.

If I could do it again and money wasn’t an issue, maybe I would take two cameras. On the other hand, two cameras would be more to get in the way (and to carry — we all know what airline baggage limits are like!) As long as you make smart, informed decisions, you’ll capture beautiful images in Antarctica.

After taking my 24-70mm instead of the 100-400mm out on the zodiac on my first day and subsequently missing whales breaching and a leopard seal sleeping on an iceberg, I quickly learned what would work best for the shots I wanted to take.

If you’ve ever thought of visiting Antarctica or working there in some capacity, I definitely recommend seeing it through — it is a truly incredible place that will stay with you for your entire life. We were lucky to have some incredibly knowledgeable and passionate expedition leaders on our ship, Le Lyrial. These leaders (some with over 20 years’ experience on the continent) are your biggest source of knowledge. They create presentations about the history of Antarctica, teach about the wildlife you are likely to see and their behavior in this environment, as well as take you out for zodiac tours and landings every day – weather depending.

I will note, that was one thing you’re never quite guaranteed of down there. The weather was unpredictable at best. We had one day of sunshine, one proper sunrise, and 6 days of grey skies, sleet and plenty of snow on the peninsula – none of it taking away from the experience. Animals don’t care about the weather, they’re well and truly used to it.

We saw plenty of whales almost every day and were even treated to a very rare sighting of an Antarctic blue whale. We also had plenty of opportunities to see Gentoo and chinstrap penguins, Weddell, leopard, crabeater and fur seals, and many Antarctic birds. It really is a nature-rich area. If you’re lucky enough to get close to some of the penguin colonies, they might come and greet you themselves!

I’m grateful that I went with my gut feeling (and friends’ advice) and took the camera gear I was most comfortable with. Many hours went into choosing what I thought was the perfect combination and I’m really proud of the images I was able to capture.

It’s hard to say what I enjoyed most about Antarctica. How do you sum up a 10-day, once-in-a-lifetime trip in just a few words? I’m not sure, but I’ll give it my best shot.

Antarctica is many things. It can be harsh, remote and extremely challenging. But it is also beautiful, otherworldly and full of life. Being able to experience the amazing wildlife, the stark yet beautiful landscapes of mountain and ice, and learn more about the strong history of human exploration is something I’ll never forget.

About the author: Arin Özdemir is a photographer and retoucher based in Brighton, Queensland, Australia. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of Özdemir’s work on his website, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. This article was also published here.

source https://petapixel.com/2019/03/06/taking-a-photo-trip-to-antarctica/

[pauldeckerus]

Taking a Photo Trip to Antarctica

When I found out I had the opportunity to travel to Antarctica, I couldn’t quite believe it. I should really start this story by thanking my mother: she’s had the travel bug her entire life, and eventually created a career for herself selling her experiences and knowledge. The same bug has allowed me to see the world from a very young age, and I learned quite quickly how much of an impact travel can have on your perspective on life, among other things.

Antarctica isn’t like any other trip though!

This took years of planning and booking, thousands of kilometers of travel, and a whole lot of effort coordinating the 13 other people who did the trip with us all the way from Australia. There are medical forms to fill out, all sorts of vaccinations – required for South America and so on – but we made it.

I have to admit to being a bit of a perfectionist. The thought of not being prepared for this opportunity really got to me and I started researching everything I could quite early on. I knew we’d be on a beautiful cruise ship that would provide me with most of the things I needed to survive, but I still felt that I needed to upgrade my photography gear.

At first, I was sure I was switching to Sony. I mean, who hasn’t thought that in the last two years if you shoot with any other brand? I also felt that I needed to get rid of my prime lens collection and switch to something far more versatile. I count myself very lucky that I have some close photographer friends who I speak to regularly.

After many conversations (maybe even a few heated ones at that) I made the choice to stick to what I knew: my trusty Canon 5D Mark III. I know this camera inside out. The choice of lenses is great, and I thought the fewer variables in a place so remote, the better. I also considered upgrading to the 5D Mark IV, but I knew if I did that I wouldn’t have room in the budget for the lenses that I wanted. So with that, I said goodbye to my Sigma Art lenses and I bought the Canon 24-70mm f/2.8L II, and a few months later the Canon 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS II.

It was a tricky decision that took me a while finally commit to. Prior to my trip, I was offered a 70-200mm f/2.8L IS II for a great price, but this would have meant using a 1.4x or 2x extender — and based on my research, it wasn’t going to perform as well as the 100-400mm.

And then, I was on my way. I had to remind myself that I was on holiday and I really didn’t want to spend the entire trip looking down the viewfinder of my camera. That being said, I had just invested in my new gear, so I wanted to test it all out and make the most of the experience.

The 100-400mm is an incredible lens for shooting wildlife, and the 24-70mm is a real workhorse. Even with the older AF system in the 5D Mark III, the lenses were fast, accurate and really enjoyable to use.

One thing you can guarantee is Antarctica will really put your gear to the test. I read a lot of articles that suggested taking two camera bodies — one with a telephoto and one with a wide-angle — but the reality was that I only had my 5D and the two lenses. In the end, regardless of the conditions, they performed exactly as they should and I’m glad I stuck with my gear.

If I could do it again and money wasn’t an issue, maybe I would take two cameras. On the other hand, two cameras would be more to get in the way (and to carry — we all know what airline baggage limits are like!) As long as you make smart, informed decisions, you’ll capture beautiful images in Antarctica.

After taking my 24-70mm instead of the 100-400mm out on the zodiac on my first day and subsequently missing whales breaching and a leopard seal sleeping on an iceberg, I quickly learned what would work best for the shots I wanted to take.

If you’ve ever thought of visiting Antarctica or working there in some capacity, I definitely recommend seeing it through — it is a truly incredible place that will stay with you for your entire life. We were lucky to have some incredibly knowledgeable and passionate expedition leaders on our ship, Le Lyrial. These leaders (some with over 20 years’ experience on the continent) are your biggest source of knowledge. They create presentations about the history of Antarctica, teach about the wildlife you are likely to see and their behavior in this environment, as well as take you out for zodiac tours and landings every day – weather depending.

I will note, that was one thing you’re never quite guaranteed of down there. The weather was unpredictable at best. We had one day of sunshine, one proper sunrise, and 6 days of grey skies, sleet and plenty of snow on the peninsula – none of it taking away from the experience. Animals don’t care about the weather, they’re well and truly used to it.

We saw plenty of whales almost every day and were even treated to a very rare sighting of an Antarctic blue whale. We also had plenty of opportunities to see Gentoo and chinstrap penguins, Weddell, leopard, crabeater and fur seals, and many Antarctic birds. It really is a nature-rich area. If you’re lucky enough to get close to some of the penguin colonies, they might come and greet you themselves!

I’m grateful that I went with my gut feeling (and friends’ advice) and took the camera gear I was most comfortable with. Many hours went into choosing what I thought was the perfect combination and I’m really proud of the images I was able to capture.

It’s hard to say what I enjoyed most about Antarctica. How do you sum up a 10-day, once-in-a-lifetime trip in just a few words? I’m not sure, but I’ll give it my best shot.

Antarctica is many things. It can be harsh, remote and extremely challenging. But it is also beautiful, otherworldly and full of life. Being able to experience the amazing wildlife, the stark yet beautiful landscapes of mountain and ice, and learn more about the strong history of human exploration is something I’ll never forget.

About the author: Arin Özdemir is a photographer and retoucher based in Brighton, Queensland, Australia. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of Özdemir’s work on his website, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. This article was also published here.

from Photography News https://petapixel.com/2019/03/06/taking-a-photo-trip-to-antarctica/

[davelynchfmp-blog]

Misandrist - Short Film

Director: Jobe Wolf

Director Of Photography: Joshua Hunt

My Role: Gaffer

“How many sparks does it take to work the hazer?” The lighting team on Misandrist. Me (Left, Gaffer), Conna Magee (Middle, Spark) and Connor Colman (Right, Best Boy) (Photo by Anthony Dennett)

When Joshua Hunt (DOP) approached me asking me to be Gaffer on Misandrist, he told me that he wanted a unique lighting set up using: - 3 spot lights - A number of practical lights hanging just in shot with vintage bulbs - Some police style lights - HMI blasting through a window and blinds for a film noir feel.

The first problem that we had was that we only had one spot light, and seeing as he wanted different ones dimming up and down for when the actors delivering their lines we couldn’t constantly take the rig up and down to move a light over and over again, this wasn’t very practical and would have wasted a lot amount of time over the shoot. So we had to ask the lighting company P.K.E for some help,as they have been kind to us in the past and let us rent things free of charge. After a discussion with some professional lighting technicians Michael Bonner and Turbo Erdenetsogt we decided the best lights to use for the job would be between the Source 4′s and Mole Beams. Below are links to pages abut these lights

Mole Beam http://www.pkelighting.com/mole-beam [1]

Source 4: https://www.etcconnect.com/Products/Lighting-Fixtures/Source-Four/Source-Four/Features.aspx [2]

After further discussion we decided we wanted to use 3 source 4′s instead of the Mole Beam’s because we felt that the Source 4′s had a sharper shaft of light compared to the Mole Beam’s.

Above is a picture of the Source 4′s in action, I believe we made the right choice, and it was good to have a new light to rig, luckily for us it was very similar to the spotlight we already had on hand so it wasn’t hard to rig.

The practical lights weren’t difficult to sort out, once they had been wired up it was just a case of rigging them which didn’t take long at all. The next challenge we faced was figuring out how to give the effect of police lights, the next day Josh came up with the fantastic idea of creating boxes wrapped in a silver paper that we can put on boards, and spin them around whilst firing light into them with medium blue gels on to give the illusion of police lights. He asked for my opinion on what kind of light we should fire onto the boxes, I suggested maybe a couple of ARRI 2K’s, we tested them and they worked perfectly. Below is a shot of the police lights in action.

The last issue we faced when it came to pre production was how to light something in a film noir style, having never done it before Josh (DOP) and I sat down and looked for stuff online. In the end we both came across this website which was a big help when it came to teaching us the basics of noir lighting: http://filmmakeriq.com/lessons/the-basics-of-lighting-for-film-noir/ We decided to wanted to use a Gobo to create the effect of blinds on the characters face at first.  “short for Go Before Optics. These are cutouts made of metal or glass that go inside the light fixture between a light source and a lens. These can cast a perfectly crisp shadow but require specialised lights that have projection lenses.” [3] (FilmMakerIQ, 2017) After some discussion and some lighting tests we found that using actual blinds would be better for the shoot because we can have the characters interact with them.

Above is a little video of our footage from the first lighting test (Credit Joshua Hunt)

The pre-light was quick and painless, over the year I am very proud of the lighting team I have gathered, we all trust each other to get the job done safely and efficiently, once we knew what we were doing everyone got on with their job in a professional manner.

Here is a video of the lighting and camera test a few days before the shoot:

(Credit Josh Hunt)

During the first act of the short film the lighting team had it quite easy, all we had to do was make sure the hazer was running first thing in the morning to give a nice look to the scenes and it would also show off the streaks of light from the spots, and dim a few of the spot lights when given a cue.

Above is a picture of the setup from the first act.

The second act of the film was a bit more challenging for the lighting team as we had to take down the sources 4′s to go back to P.K.E in the afternoon which delayed thing a bit, as well lower the practical lights above the bar and rig some more practicals in the middle of the set to act as an ambient light. This act is where the police lights came on, so they had to be brought in to the correct place where they would hit the cast’s face nicely when spun. Lastly we had to drop the blinds in order to create the noir effect we research in pre-production. Over the course of the shoot there were little tweaks here and there, such as bringing a Kino Flo in to add a little bit more light into the scene and putting up some blackout to hide the set through the windows, but nothing to intense.

Above is a shot of the second act of the film, here you can see the noir lighting in effect from the blinds hitting the actresses back on the right and the vintage practical lights we rigged above the bar and in the middle of the set.

Overall I am very happy with the way this shoot went, I learnt how to use a new light and also how to light in a film noir style. I already knew how to do most of the other stuff the DOP asked me to do so everything went very smoothly on lights part apart from the change over to the second act because the shoot was already running behind and we had to work as fats as possible to rig and de-rig some lights to get the shoot going again. Below is a link to the trailer on the film’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/misandristfilm/videos/1922588117985858/

If I could do something differently next time I would probably do another quick lighting test before the second act just so there wasn’t too much time wasted tweaking the lights, if we know straight away what works and what doesn’t we wouldn’t have to slow down the production for any reason. I think I would also organise the lighting equipment a bit better, at times it felt like it was scattered about all over the place and was hard to find a few things which slowed us down a little bit at times.

Testimonial “Dave was my gaffer for Misandrist, he was there throughout lending a competent hand and knowledgeable head. He organised his team of sparks with ease and efficiency and even told me off several times for trying to do his job. Everything that I wanted to be done was done in minutes and the turnaround from act 1 to 2 was completed.” Joshua Hunt DOP

Misandrist Bibliography

[1] P.K.E (2017) Mole Beams [online] Leigh: P.K.E. Available from: http://www.pkelighting.com/mole-beam [accessed 25 March 2017]

[2] E.T.C Connect (2017) Source Four: The fixture that changed the lighting industry. [online] Middleton: ETC. Available from: https://www.etcconnect.com/Products/Lighting-Fixtures/Source-Four/Source-Four/Features.aspx?LangType=1033 [Accessed 25 March 2017]

[3] FilmMakerIQ (2017) The Basics Of Lighting For Film Noir. [online] FilmMakerIQ. Available from: http://filmmakeriq.com/lessons/the-basics-of-lighting-for-film-noir/ [Accessed 26 March 2017].

[paulakaymason]

I had heard of the Kodak Brownie Hawkeye camera before, but I did not know much about it.  When I was younger, my Great Uncle Bill used to take lots of pictures.  I’m sure at some point, he probably used a Brownie camera, but with my lack of knowledge about cameras back then, I’m sure he said “Do you want this old camera?”  To which I probably said “No thanks. It’s old.”  So, like many things I should’ve been smart enough to keep,  it’s probably another thing I let him throw away after he finally bought himself the Canon AE-1 Program.

That was quite an upgrade.  The Canon AE-1 Program is a very nice 35mm film camera.  I know this, because I am the proud owner of one.  Now…I can’t take decent pictures with it, because I’m all digital all the time, but I do own one.  Maybe some day I’ll learn how to shoot with it.  You can read about it in my blog post titled The Canon AE-1 Program…My Adventures with 35mm Film.  

I’m constantly looking for YouTube reviews on different cameras that I wish I had, or cameras I’d like to learn more about.  One day while I was searching, I came across a YouTuber who was doing a series called “Old As Dirt.”  I was instantly intrigued, and clicked on the link.  It took me to a video of this guy taking pictures with a Kodak Brownie Hawkeye camera.  I watched it from beginning to end, and so began my obsession with finding a reasonably priced (and hopefully working) Kodak Brownie Hawkeye camera.

In a weak moment, I found myself browsing through pages on eBay when I “accidentally” came across several Kodak Brownie Hawkeye cameras for sale.  I found one that was reasonably priced (about $15), and put in a bid on it.  Much to my surprise, I won this eBay item.  A vintage Kodak Brownie Hawkeye camera was on its way to me!  Was it going to work?  Would I be able to figure out how to use it?  Only time would tell…

The camera arrived, and when I opened the box, I was surprised by how small and lightweight it was.  It appeared to be in good condition – it had the original box and the instruction manual with it, so I was hopeful.

The seller had mentioned in is notes that he thought there was film in it, but he wasn’t sure.  So…I hastily opened the back of the camera and guess what.  There was film in it.  Film that was now ruined because I had so hastily taken the camera apart.  Oh well…  I guess I’ll always wonder what might have been on that film that had been left in this camera.

Next, after opening and admiring the camera and deciding that I wanted to take some photos, I learned that they no longer made film for the Kodak Brownie Hawkeye, but there was still film available that works with this particular camera.

They were so patient with my while I was figuring this thing out. What a fun experiment!

The Kodak Brownie Hawkeye was made for a 620 medium format film, and this is no longer available, but 120 film is available, and it works with this camera.

Hooray.  I was in luck.  However, I also read that the spools used in a Brownie were a different size that what is typically used with the 620 medium format film, and there were a few modifications that needed to be made for the 120 film to work properly with he Brownie.

So…back to YouTube, where I looked for videos on how to load the 120 film into the Brownie camera.  Surprisingly, there were several sites that showed you what to do.  And with such a “simple” camera, how hard could it be, right?

The simplicity of this camera amazed me.  How could a little black box with no batteries or digital displays take a good photo?  I couldn’t wait to test this out.  It was so light weight, that it felt like I was playing with a child’s toy.  I finally got the film loaded correctly, and headed outside to take some pictures.

Now…you must remember, that to shoot with a Kodak Brownie Hawkeye camera, you hold the camera down low and look down into the top of the camera.   This was new to me – it took me a minute to figure out how to center my kids in the little viewing window.  Completely different from anything I’d ever shot with before.

I know it sounds easy, but it’s a lot harder than it looks. Maybe it’s because my camera was so old and dirty – it was not a very clear picture. But still, looking down to see something in front of you is interesting…

After about 30 minutes, I had used up all of the film, and was ready to figure out how to get it out of the camera and what to do next.  Not many people shoot with film anymore, so I was not sure if my local Walgreen’s was equipped to deal with actual film or not.

Just as I suspected, they were not.  You have to fill out some paperwork and ship your film off to Walgreen’s labs, where it takes a couple of weeks to develop the pictures.  Oh my…  I found myself being as impatient as my kids were who kept complaining that they couldn’t preview the pictures I was taking with the Brownie!  They had no concept of a film camera and what that meant.  Crazy, right?  All they know is cell phone and other digital pictures that you can instantly see.

After 2 weeks, my pictures arrived back.  The nice gentleman from Walgreen’s called and left me a very timid message saying “Um…your pictures came back, but they are really bad.  Nothing turned out.  They are all cloudy and white and you can’t really see any images.  Let us know if you want us to keep them for you.”

I went up to Walgreen’s the next day, and the nice gentleman was right.  EPIC KODAK BROWNIE HAWKEYE FAIL!  However, I was glad I kept them.  I snapped pictures of the photos and loaded them into Lightroom just to see what I could do.  As you can see from the pictures below, not much.

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Hard to see them, but that is Zach and Morgan patiently posing for me while I figured this out!

And of course, Morgan was happy to strike a few poses for me and my little Brownie!

Me and my boy! Sure wish this had turned out!

Here I am sitting on the porch with Morgan enjoying our little adventure with the Brownie camera!

  Here are some interesting facts I learned about the Kodak Brownie Hawkeye:

It is a Bakelite box camera that takes 6×6 images

It uses 620 film

It was made in the USA and France between 1949 and 1961

The non-flash unit originally sold for $7

Its focal length is 81mm

It has an Aperture of f/15

The shutter has an instant setting, but the precise speed is unknown (thought to fall between 1/30 and 1/50)

If you want to learn more detailed specs about the Kodak Brownie Hawkeye and some interesting facts, you can check out the Camera-Wiki Website.  There is quite a bit of detailed (and interesting) information on these cameras.

Now, if you’re a crafty person, and you want to “bedazzle” your Kodak Brownie Hawkeye, you should check out the article titled How to Renovate, Clean, and Paint a Kodak Brownie Hawkeye.  It is a great (very detailed) article explaining every step you need to know in order to take apart, clean, and then potentially paint your camera.

Personally, I don’t have the patience for all of those steps, but it would be very cool to have a turquoise Kodak Brownie Hawkeye camera!  Don’t you agree?  I should try and take mine apart and clean it though.  Maybe that would fix it.  Maybe the pictures were terrible because no one has ever cleaned the lens?  Maybe I’ll try that before buying another one.

If you’re curious about the photos taken in the YouTube “Old As Dirt” video, you can check them out in the article titled OLD AS DIRT NO. 2 – KODAK BROWNIE HAWKEYE.  I was quite impressed with the images he was able to get with such an old camera.  Obviously, the camera was in very good, working condition.

So there you have it.  My first experience shooting pictures with a Kodak Brownie Hawkeye.  I will consider this my test run, and I think we can all consider this my failed test run!  But, even though it was a failure, I really enjoyed learning about this little box camera.  I’m so happy that I bought one and learned all about it.  So simple, but yet it works.  Well…if you use it correctly it works!  I’m determined to either clean up this Brownie Hawkeye camera and get it to where it takes decent pictures, or I’m going to start a new hunt on eBay for one that is in better condition!

I want to take some decent pictures with this camera.  I am determined!  No matter what it takes!  Wish me luck.  I’ll let you know how it turns out.  Until next time…

  The Kodak Brownie Hawkeye…Another Adventure with Film I had heard of the Kodak Brownie Hawkeye camera before, but I did not know much about it.  

[ellysdoespoems]

camera

by Ellys Lawlor

There’s something primitively, instinctively thrilling about capturing and keeping things. Whether that’s to display as a point of pride or to privately reminisce over a token of time gone-by. Maybe I’m revealing too much about my tendency for excessive hoarding, but I think the same applies to most people. Pokémon built a whole all-consuming cult predicated on the compulsive need to ‘catch ‘em all’.

My parents spent much of my childhood capturing moments with a grey Polaroid instant camera. There were days dedicated to poring over photo-books, tomes stuffed to capacity with old friends, new friends, lost friends and family members before I’d known them. Each laminated rectangle carried a story that, more often than not, my mum would revel in recalling and my dad would sheepishly deny. I found out more about my parents those days sifting through their old memories than I ever did otherwise, a whole hedonistic late 90s lifestyle carefully compartmentalised across a series of innocuous looking folders.

The first camera of my own I remember having was a little orange disposable with a flimsy cardboard sleeve, bought from Boots down the road from where I lived. It’d be my travel buddy for a school trip to Castleton, my first weekend away from family at 9 years old. Unfortunately, I discovered on that trip that my tendency to hoard comes coupled with a certain overzealousness and it wasn’t the first evening of the trip before I’d spent all 20-so of my photographs on pictures I was convinced I’d needed. Of luggage, streams, the motorway, the school bus. We never bothered taking the camera to get the photos developed when I got home and it’s probably still sat in my cupboard somewhere now.

One Christmas my brother and I got a Panasonic MiniDV camcorder each. We’d moved house just outside the city we’d always lived in. I had just changed school and my brother hadn’t long started his first year of secondary school in a town a bus ride away. The camcorders were far out-dated then and we only had a tape each to record with but it didn’t make any difference to us then. My brother crafted Spielbegian epics featuring Godzilla hand puppets, whereas I ended up drafting all my siblings to help put together a series of crude stop motion animations based on the BBC Robin Hood TV show with a bunch of the action figures I’d gotten the same Christmas, fanfic I more or less invented on the fly. We got bored eventually and I didn’t want to over-write my tape but the mornings, afternoons and nights spent huddled together plotting the next opus in our auteurist catalogues kept the both of us sane through all the upheaval happening around us. My brother became my best friend in those intense brainstorming sessions. Like the disposable camera, those MiniDV tapes are probably in the same cupboard, the contents having never left tape land.

The months after I’d left college I was completely aimless. I had a bunch of GCSEs and some respectable A levels in my back pocket but I had no interest in pursuing anything. When university came up as a topic of conversation during college tutorials, I simply didn’t fill out any applications because I figured I wouldn’t make it to the end of college. Even if I did, what did it matter anyway? The last few years of school had soured me on education, where it seemed many of the teachers were coaching us to hit statistic targets they needed to cash their pay cheque month by month. Desperate, college became a last resort when I almost fell into abject complacency after the last year of school. I enjoyed my time there but I still didn’t have any sense of purpose. I convinced my parents that the year after college was a gap year and I’d figure out exactly what it was I was going to do in that time. My dad assured me that if I didn’t do anything with my time, and wasn’t either at university or in a stable job by the end of the year, I probably wouldn’t have a place to live.

I ended up interviewing for a voluntary position as a history guide at my local art gallery. It was looking over my credentials that the volunteering co-ordinator running the interviews thought I’d be better suited tagging along with the Media department they had on-site. I went along with it, not really knowing what working with the Media department would mean doing. It became apparent in the successive interview that they were best described as teachers rather than strictly a media-based team. In the latter years of school, as well as the sense of disillusionment, I ended up seeing an NHS-based counsellor who told me that I was suffering quite severe social anxiety and less apparent depressive tendencies. I didn’t really “get” what was going on in that regard and I hadn’t had many major events in the time since school but I knew sitting in that interview that there was frankly nothing I wanted to do less, and nothing I was less suited to, than helping teach people. That being said, I went along with it anyway.

Under the presumption that I knew what I was doing with a Photography AS on my record, I was invited to spend my first day with a group of students who were going to be undertaking a project photographing shopkeepers along a particular street in the city. True to any expectation I had of myself, I was excruciatingly awkward as I introduced myself to the small group of students, retreating to a corner of the room and remaining stiff throughout the rest of the session. The session ended with a trip to the row of shops the students would be investigating, an opportunity to test their skills with a camera at the beginning of the course. My boss thrust a kit lens Canon 600D into my hands. “Documentary.” he said, “Follow ‘em round and get ‘em while they’re working.” In a blind panic I flicked the wheel on top of the camera to Non-Flash (saves having to faff about with settings) and stuck to the first group that looked remotely okay with seeing me like a fly to honey.

The day was capped off with the staff looking over the photos everyone had taken, documentary included. I winced when I saw my offerings, hazy long shots of mistakable silhouettes fiddling with tripods and standing around with their hands in their pockets. They weren’t just technically bad photos; they were boring to look at. There was none of the exuberance I saw in many of the students as they tried to feel each other out, the complicated social workings as they started to relax around each other. I could tell the team were disappointed and I went home cursing myself for cocking up so badly. I was sick the next week when I tried to get up and help out with the session, largely at the thought of making an arse of myself again, but nevertheless after some time away I eventually returned. I improved a little over time but I could still never relax around the group, I hid behind the camera lens and used it as an excuse not to involve myself. You could see it in the final results, which often appeared more like blurry paparazzi shots.

In the store room taking equipment out a few sessions later, one of the members of the team handed me a 50mm Canon lens. “I was always told it’s the best lens to start with.” she said, “The focal length is just close enough to what our brain processes from our eyes. There’s no zoom on it either. If you want a close-up, you have to get up close.” This piece of advice ended up being my saving grace. With no zoom there was nowhere to hide, I had to be in the thick of it. Suddenly, standing next to them, it became far less daunting to be in the room. As I got to spend more time with the students, the pictures got better steadily too. They went from static portraits to displaying them in lively, dynamic form. To their credit, I soon figured out that many of the students had absolutely no inhibitions when it came to being photographed. Soon enough, I was asked to help out with a second group made up of young men aged 16-18 to help out with a similar project.

The year I spent with this group was one of the most fulfilling experiences I’ve ever had. They were loud, boisterous and a hell of an experience to stand in a room with. I wasted no time getting involved; the documenting became secondary to getting through the tasks each week. I started to look forward to coming in each week, all of them were characters, perfect to photograph and delightful to be around. One session had them recording the dialogue dubs for a music video they were putting together in the sound studio. I stood on the sidelines some paces away from the microphone, snapping away when I could. They loved the performance aspect of their project and these are some of the pictures I’m most proud of. On a hard-drive somewhere is a collection of melodramatic air-punches, arms outstretched like they’re reciting a Shakespearean monologue.

The end of the year for these guys came with the end of their course. An event was put on where they screened their music video project, the result of months of hard work (as well as a change in the main cast that had me dressed like an Anne Rice vampire in full stage make-up), along with a montage of all the documentary photos we’d kept over the year. It was a point of pride for me, not necessarily because I’d helped produce it, but more so in watching these young men see themselves grow over a sequence of still images. They hadn’t seen any of the photos I’d taken of them and suddenly they were seeing their story unfold. I couldn’t help but feel I’d finally come full circle, back to those days in front of a folder of photos as my parents related all their lost stories.

[joya34blanco]

How to Overcome Difficult Lighting Scenarios at Weddings

A wedding photographer has to be prepared for pretty much anything. Big belly laughs, impromptu outbursts of song and bear hugs can happen at any moment. Not to mention that the light is constantly changing and you’ve got yourself a schedule to keep. Let’s just say weddings keep you on your toes.

That’s why it’s always worth planning ahead and being prepared. Weddings rarely take place in just one location and moving from indoors to outside, or from sunshine to shade can cause a huge change in exposure. When not competing with the sun, indoor lighting poses new problems. Tungsten bulbs mixed with daylight causes all sorts of white balance issues. But this is why we love weddings, they keep us sharp.

Being prepared and practice is key to achieving consistent results. Here are three top tips on how to make the most of difficult lighting situations.

Couple portraits – How to find good light on a dull day

Believe it or not, it is raining at the point of capture in the image below. This photograph was taken in July in Surrey, UK. The British weather was doing all it could to play up to the stereotype it would seem.

Not every wedding takes place on a gorgeous sunny day and it’s not always feasible to shoot at sunset to capture the golden hour of light. What can you do to create images that your clients will love and to which you’re proud to put your name? Especially when the heavens decide to play against you. Here is the process I use when assessing lighting conditions and how this photograph was taken.

Understanding the principles of lighting is fundamental in any photographer’s quest to a beautifully lit photograph. Fortunately, these principles are consistent regardless of where you are located in the world or how expensive your equipment is. Whether you’re using the latest Canon or a generation old Smartphone, light can be manipulated to your advantage.

Approaching every scenario with the same set of questions can radically change how you see light and ultimately how you take pictures. Where is the light coming from, where is the even light and where are the greatest differences in the light?

Place the subjects in shade

Here you can see the scene exposed to what the human eye sees. The background is correctly exposed which throws the foreground into darkness. What we want is to do is correctly expose the foreground to create a clean canvas with an overexposed background. In this scenario, there is about three stops difference in exposure, which is perfect.

By placing the couple under the branches of the tree they are instantly evenly lit. There are no stray light rays coming through branches or dappled light on faces, and the pebbles on the driveway aid in reflecting light back onto the subjects. By exposing for the skin tones the background will be overexposed, providing a clean canvas.

A few tweaks in Lightroom to warm the skin and recover some of the highlights and voila! An evenly lit portrait on a rainy day. The added benefit of the tree branches is that they, of course, provide shelter from the wind and rain. This technique of using trees as shelter can also be employed on dry days that are windy. Even if the sun is shining, a venue on a hill can increase the risk of a veil blowing away!

Confetti

Why is this difficult? Depending on the location of the venue or church, you may be competing with changing light that the couple will walk through as they process down the confetti line. This is problematic as you are going to be walking backward, trying to capture the action, as well as tracking the changing light.

It is quite common in the UK for churches to have tree lined pathways, this creates a lighting issue as a break in the trees will cause the couple to walk from light to shade to light, etc. This can mean a dramatic jump in exposure.

Take pictures of your hand

This is probably the easiest method to test the exposure of skin tones which can and should be used to test all of the techniques in this article. Take a photograph of your hand, inspect the screen and adjust accordingly. The wedding guests may look at you in an odd way, but when you’re working at a fast pace this can be a life saver.

Take images of your hand in both the light and the shade and note the difference in exposure before the bride and groom appear. Depending on how you shoot, it makes sense to only change one setting as you will be multi-tasking. The control for shutter speed on Canon cameras is located where the index finger naturally rests, and logically is the easiest of the settings to change.

Pay attention as the couple moves from light to shade, remembering the readings of your hand. The camera settings are displayed in the viewfinder and alternate between the two as the light changes. Where possible, pre-plan your shots, performing a mental run through of where people are likely to be and what lighting difficulties you may encounter.

First dance

Who knows what kind of lighting setup the DJ will have. Will they make a beautiful white spotlight for the first dance, or will they bust out some crazy laser snowflakes? Anything could happen. One method to overcome this is to shoot into the DJ’s lights and use them as compositional features rather than compete with them.

This isn’t the only option, sometimes shooting with the lights are beneficial as it gives you scope to capture the guest’s reactions. To create this shot, one flashgun at both corners of the stage (pointing at the center of the dance floor), elevated on tripods, and attached to Yongnuo wireless triggers were used.

This setup offers two things. Firstly, by backlighting the subject even exposure on the skin can be achieved with no unwanted shadows. Secondly, you don’t have to worry about what the DJ is doing with their lighting setup.

It pays to ask the DJ before any dancing commences, what they plan to do and work with them. You would certainly be unlucky should you encounter anyone who wasn’t amiable in having a discussion. However, the point remains that they have a job to do. If they feel the song warrants a change in lighting then they will adapt it for the benefit of the wedding, not for your advantage. This is completely understandable, however, lighting surprises aren’t often welcome. This is why it makes sense to pre-plan and take control of the lighting.

Lens chimping technique

A caveat to shooting in this way is that it is possible to end up with equipment or the DJ themselves in the background. For this reason, an interesting tactic to employ is Sam Hurd’s lens chimping technique. By placing a convex lens element in front of your lens it creates cool flares and throws the background out of focus.

Practice is certainly recommended as an incorrect application of this technique can result in the lens element focussing all lights onto your sensor and completely blowing out the shot. The first dance is often a tricky one to shoot, it would be interesting to hear about your ideas and innovations below. Happy shooting!

Conclusion

Hopefully, these quick tips will help you deal with challenging lighting situations at weddings or any other photography opportunities. Do you have any others you want to share? Please do so in the comments below.

The post How to Overcome Difficult Lighting Scenarios at Weddings by Liam Smith appeared first on Digital Photography School.

from Digital Photography School https://digital-photography-school.com/overcome-difficult-lighting-weddings/

[decorous-biohazart]

Background Log #4: “The Gift Of Life”

Background log for Phoenix Nest head of virology research Megan Phoenix. 

The camera flicked on as it wrestled in unsteady hands attempting to focus the lens. Two half-gloved hands passed through the camera’s field of vision as a voice grunted with frustration. 

 “How do you work this stupid thing?” A voice asked. A female voice, Cell’s voice. Eventually she was able to get the camera into focus on a pristine white door with a rectangular window. She was in the science building on camp, but the door gave no details on possibly why she was there with a video camera. 

“Well, here we are in the building of research and science-whatever it is they do here. I decided that it would be best to get an honest reaction out of Megan if she did her log the same way we did: without knowing it was coming. So I snuck in her room, grabbed her camera, and here we are! Let’s see what she’s up to.” 

The half-gloved hand reached into the shot and pushed the door open and walked into the room. Immediately she saw lines of counters with observation tools, beakers, tubes, and an assortment of other strange devices. The camera panned to the left to find a desk not far away with a woman sitting in the rotating chair. She sat with her blonde hair tied up in a loose bun short of her bangs hanging at either side of her face. Her glasses rested on the bridge of her nose above a soft smile as she bobbed her head to the music playing in her ear buds. She wore a white lab coat with a sweater beneath it along with some stained tight jeans and athletic shoes to assist her with the long amounts of time she spent on her feet in the lab.  

Cell’s hand inched into the shot, her fingers flexing as she slowly approached the unsuspecting scientist to avoid being detected before tapping her on the shoulder. The woman immediately stopped what she was typing and jumped with squeak of fear. She turned to meet the new arrival, quickly pulling out one ear phone, her cheeks red with embarrassment. Her shoulders relaxed when she registered who had intruded on her lab before smiling a bit as she removed her other earphone. 

 “You scared me, Cell, I didn’t think you were coming for a visit today!” Megan explained. Cell laughed before responding, clearly proud of her successful infiltration.

 “Ah y’know, just seemed like it would be better to sneak up on you like you did to us since that’s all part of the theme for the logs.” Cell responded, the sound of another chair rolling across the tile floor clattered off camera before the camera’s height of view lowered as Cell took a seat. 

 “Oh! You’re here for that!” Megan exclaimed, clearly not prepared for such an interview, “Well I’m not sure what I would say, I didn’t really have any time to prepare myself or anything.” She admitted, tapping the tips of two of her fingers together. Cell waved a hand in the shot as she responded, 

 “Hey that’s the whole point, you don’t have to worry about not being prepared. This is your project, you know just what to say! Go for it, tell us about you, Megan. The world’s dying to know how you got to this point.” Megan blushed a bit as she laced her fingers together in her lap, 

 “Well, I’m not THAT special; I kinda just did my job that’s all. You guys had all the cool stories, my life was pretty normal. I grew up with a pretty normal and happy family in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I was the youngest of three sisters and an older brother, but we all got along pretty well. My mom was a total sweetheart school teacher and my dad was a man with a big heart who worked with the Red Cross relief force, but he was definitely not someone you wanted to mess with! I went to school, but I honestly didn’t do that well. I struggled quite a bit and had a hard time grasping a lot of concepts. I felt like I was motivated enough to do well, but I guess I just never really took off. Then I met someone really special.” Her eyes moved down and away from the camera as Megan seemed to reminisce back to another time, 

“Her name was Cassia, and she was the best friend I ever had. She had beautiful brown hair and green eyes, and she was the nicest girl I ever met, just as tough and sweet as her name too! We met in middle school and ended up being bff’s through high school. 

Cassie was my rock, she gave me a lot of the motivation I needed to get things rolling and start doing well. She used to call me Ash, because my middle name is Ashlynn. I never really liked the name that much because my last name is Phoenix, and that always felt like some kind of pun. She thought it was cute, though, so it was her special nickname for me.” Her gaze came back to the camera, a gentle smile on her face for a moment before it sank away and Megan’s gaze wandered away again. 

 “We were going to go to college together… But she got sick. We thought she just had a bad case of the flu or something, because it only lasted about a week before she started to shake it off. But just when we thought she was getting better, she got even worse. I got a call from her parents one night that Cass was coughing blood and was taken to the hospital. I couldn’t have gotten there any faster, I almost ran a couple of people off the highway. When I got there, I was taken to a waiting room where her mom was waiting for me. I asked her what was happening, but all she did was get up and hug me.” 

Megan now had her arms wrapped over her chest, holding both of her upper arms as if she was holding herself before she dropped her hands back into her lap again. 

 “She said Cassie was going in for some tests because the doctors weren’t sure what was wrong. She had tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. She said ‘Cassia is strong, she’ll be just fine’. But something in my stomach didn’t feel right. I was bugging the doctors constantly asking if I could see my friend, but they kept turning me away. Eventually I was sent home and told I would have to come back tomorrow after the tests processed. I didn’t sleep that night, I just prayed that my friend would be okay. I went through some of our old scrapbooks, read some old stories we wrote together, or just laid there, but I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t. 

When I got back the next day… The doctors told me that Cassie had something called Myeloma.” Megan stopped on the last word, her gaze resting on her lap as her eyes turned glassy. She wiped a tear as it escaped her eye as Cell reached forward from behind the camera and took hold of one of Megan’s hands. 

 “I didn’t… I didn’t know what it was at the time because I didn’t know a lot about sicknesses. The doctor said it was a type of blood cancer that affects how the body fights illness. The flu she had was even worse than before because she wasn’t able to fight the influenza virus like a normal person because of her blood, and this was an unusual case because the disorder didn’t normally just appear this late into a persons life. I demanded that I get to see her, I wanted to talk to her, whatever I would be allowed to do; but because she was so susceptible to sickness I wasn’t allowed to enter the room. 

Instead I had to use an observation room on the other side of where Cass was kept to talk to her. As soon as I got in I pressed myself up against the glass and called her name.” Megan let out a small laugh as she spoke the next few words, 

“Her first words when I got in there were ‘can you keep it down, Ash? I’m tryna get some rest in here.’ Even with how sick she was, she was still smiling, and that made me feel better. She told me not to worry, and she was going to be okay. Day after day I’d come visit her; I’d sit in the other room and speak to her, read to her, and laugh with her. We’d also listen to a lot of music I’d play since she wasn’t able to have her own in the room. We always loved music, it was a pivotal part of our lives and we always loved sharing it. She always told me how boring it was in there while I was away. She was a trooper, but I could tell she was in a lot of pain. 

As days went by we had less and less time to talk because she had to have higher doses of morphine to compensate for her pain. About a month after she was diagnosed, I got a text from her mom telling me to come to the hospital. My car battery died so I ran the entire five miles from my school to get there. I got stopped by a doctor when I got in the door, and I knew it was the one taking care of Cassie. He put a hand on my shoulder and led me to her room. My chest lifted because I thought she was getting discharged, that I got to go in and see her. But when I got in there she was still hooked up to her IV bags and monitors.” Megan paused for a moment, her watery gaze forcing itself to find its way back to the camera. 

“The doctors told me Cassie didn’t respond well to treatment, and her condition got a lot worse. They weren’t bringing me in to help my friend out of the hospital, they brought me there to say goodbye. 

“I felt like someone dropped an anvil on my lungs. I went pale, I couldn’t breathe, and I almost fell over. The doctor helped me into her room and into a chair next to Cassie’s bed. ‘Hey Ash, you look like hell’ she said to me, still smiling. She was that kind of girl, able to be a joker even when she knew she was dying. I couldn’t say anything, I just took her hand and she placed both of hers on mine. Her hands were really cold, but at the same time they felt warm to me. I told her I was sorry, sorry that there wasn’t anything I could do but just be there. She said that she couldn’t ask for anything more from me, and that I was the only one that she wanted to spend her last moments with. That made me smile, and I told her I loved her and things would be okay.” Megan exhaled through her nose, a gentle smile on her lips as tears streamed down her face and pattered onto her lap. 

 “A couple minutes later she flat lined, and doctors had to drag me from the room. I was a sweaty and crying mess of a woman trying to fight off the doctors like they were the ones that killed her, but looking back I knew they did all they could. After that I considered dropping out of school, I wanted to drop everything and just grieve. But I knew Cassie would never let me do that, she wouldn’t want me feeling sorry for her. So instead of cursing the world because I lost my best friend, I wanted to make it better so no one else would have to. 

“I went to medical school, got my masters, an internship and some on-the-job practice. Normally it would have taken someone about seven or more years to get theirs but I got mine in about four. Nothing was going to stop me from getting into the field. 

“I started researching viruses and other disorders in the body that targeted the immune system, looking for a cure. I was offered a job by N.O.V.A but I didn’t want it, this was my battle to fight, and I wanted to do it myself. I’m glad with what I know now I didn’t take that spot. I was so close to finding a job in the medical field and starting my own research, but then the Fall happened. I was lucky enough to end up in a sanctuary during the first couple days because I was studying natural stimuli for disorders such as fungi and molds and wasn’t near civilization. I wasn’t going to let even the end of the world stop me, so I continued my research. 

“I was appointed head of the medical science team at the base I was in and I was able to learn things I never thought I’d have the chance to. I got to save people, fix people, heal people and I knew I found my calling. There was so much more sickness and death in the world than before that we needed as many hands as we could get. So many were out killing in war, and I wanted to fight, too. But I wanted to give life instead of take it. 

“Before I knew it, I heard someone came to a camp named Phoenix Nest that had suffered from the Phantom virus and lived. I was sent there to study for a possible cure, little did I know they’d end up becoming one of my best friends.” 

Megan wiped her eyes with her sleeve before adjusting her glasses, her hand still firmly holding onto Cell’s as her smile returned, her gaze still set on the camera. 

“I got sent here and I met some of the best friends I could ask for. It was ironic because of my name that I was sent here, but I was willing to live with it for the sake of the people I got to meet. I met a girl, about yay high” she held up her other hand just above her head, about the high of Cell. “who had some serious spunk and an attitude that never quit.” Cell chuckled behind the camera, trying to keep the noise down so Megan could speak. 

 “She introduced me to the man in the mask along with a witty Australian and an adorable technician with not the best people skills and I fell in love with them. They changed my views on combat forever, that wars were fought on all fronts and not just in the Field. They taught me that what I was doing was just as much part of the fight, if not more, because I was fighting the virus itself. I wanted to save people, and save people I did, but in the end they saved me. I’ve treated more illnesses and infections than I can count but above all I’ve been able to keep researching a cure as I saw color come back to the world. This is my dream, and I wouldn’t trade my place in this camp for anything. I know Cassie is up there watching somewhere, cheering my name and saying ‘go get ‘em girl’. No one will ever replace her, but I met people that reminded me what it felt like to smile.” 

Megan closed her eyes with a bright smile as she placed both of her hands on Cell’s. “Now that I’m here, I’m going to keep studying and working hard so I can hopefully one day bring an end to this virus and many others. I have had one sickness take my friend, I won’t let this one take another. Decorous is an inspiration to me because he is still fighting even with as sick as he is, but I think he deserves to live too. I won’t rest until the Phantom virus is evicted from his body and the bodies of anyone else that catches it!” Megan exclaimed with a determined smile before her face relaxed into a more humble expression as she said, “I’ll never forget the people that got me this far, and I wanna keep these friends here along with saving the lives of the friends and families of others too so they never have to get that call to the hospital like I did. Because the most beautiful beat in life...” she gestured to her headphones, “...is a heartbeat.” 

Megan reached over to her desk, picking up a picture frame and holding it to the camera. It was a picture of a young girl with glasses and blonde hair tied in a ponytail, bangs hanging at the sides of her face, hugging a girl with straight brown hair and lively green eyes. Both of them were holding up diplomas and sporting graduation gowns, laughing together as their picture was taken. She stared at the photo for a moment with a gentle smile still on her face as she held it up to the camera and spoke with a spirited tone, 

“My name is Megan Ashlynn Phoenix and I always have been, and always will be, a Phoenix.”