#got a bad obsession over religious allusion

[sunoovamp]

how can we grow any closer..

[highyenas]

here’s my take on mania

tw: personal experiences with bipolar depression

overall, i like mania. bishops knife trick, wilson, and church are definitely some of my favourite songs they've made to date. tlotro too, the new has worn off of it but it's still a solid track, and i have emotional ties to it because of the interactions i had with not only pete, but patrick as well due to its existence (i've never cried so much in my life). so that's a pretty special track.

though, there are a few things about it that feel off or incomplete. or unnecessary.. ex: the llamas ,, please no more i can't stand them

the things i don't really like include "are you smelling that shit?", and how they chose the word "boost" for heaven's gate of all things - it sounds weird to me but i've gotten used to it, no big deal. i still can't get really into stay frosty, sadly.

some tracks feel incomplete or too repetitive, champion being the biggest contestant here. it's too generic, its meaning is too obvious, unlike most of their songs. i appreciate the idea it's conveying, though. it released at a time i was fighting with my mom and step family really badly so it helped me through that a lot, but it is still very generic and i can't really get past it.

then - young and menace. i just don't like this track. i remember listening to it as soon as it came out in awe but not in a good way. it didn't feel real. is that what i really heard? at the time of course, i grew to like it because i was just happy they were back making music. do i like it now? not really. - but if you look at the song from an artistic standpoint, as a audible presentation for manic depression, it works very well. i can appreciate the song in that light. my grandpa has bipolar disorder and i've been through at least 4 of his manic episodes - at one point he's as sweet as he can be - the next my aunt is fainting because of how terrified she is of him. the contrast between the soft verses vs the chorus (which i feel like could be shorter with more variation with each) represents it well. but do i think it should have been the leading single? of course not. so many people still have a bad taste in their mouth from it and can't look at mania well because of it. first impressions and all. i understand if they were excited (or rushed) to get something out but i feel like if they just waited until they made a song like tlotro, reviews on this album would be much more positive.

now i don't just have negative things to say about the album, but i feel like a good fan should critique what's given to them, not just take it in blindly and never question the methods, or never theorise on what could be done to improve it. but a fan should also appreciate the values it has within it too, "what makes it this album special?" "what makes this part unique?" "don't you just love how (band member) did this?" i'm sure they appreciate the feedback as well. nobody wants an audience of zombies who still say "thanks pete".

(also if you guys could not comment shit like that on sensitive or serious subjects it would be really great - people seriously commented "not bad joe" on joe's post about his mother's passing.)

track by track review  (excluding y&m and champion since i pretty much covered them)

* stay frosty royal milk tea 

this song left a bad taste in my mouth before i even heard it - im easily influenced by how people hype things and how every yeemo trinity kid was freaking out over the title really drove me away. - but the track itself isn't bad. it's very powering and has memorable, strong lyrics like "the only thing that's stopping me is me". the track feels like someone wanting to become great as they can possibly be but they are plagued with obstacles and downfalls - "the alcohol never lies", "some princes don't become kings", but they recover and keep trying. they're resisting failure. (allusion: it really reminds me of ling yao trying to seek immortality for his country in fmab, ahaha. it fits perfectly. "some princes don't become kings.") the track isn't bad at all, just not my cup of tea. i can really appreciate it.

* hold me tight or don't

i don't have much to say about this track, im not too big of a fan of latin themed music but it's a nice poppy song with lovesick lyrics that go deeper than usual pop love songs. i've grown to really enjoy it. to me it sounds like someone desperately holding onto a lost relationship and being pretty frustrated with how their significant other treats them, but they're so obsessed they don't want to leave. 

* wilson (expensive mistakes)

when i first heard this song on a live recording i fell absolutely in love, the music sounds nothing like i've ever heard before and it's truly captivating. and when i heard it live myself, oh wow. it was amazing. i've seen someone else say this, can't remember who, but they said they believed it was touching on how irrational people with manic/bipolar depression can be. once again, i have personal experience from my grandfather and i really do believe that's what they're trying to do. "i hate all my friends." this is sort of personal and i don't usually talk about mental illness, but this for me personally reminds me of how my grandpa nearly convinced my dad into touching an electrical unit that would have killed him. but when he's on his medication for his bipolar disorder, he loves my dad. i believe the same concept is used here, the narrator doesn't actually hate his friends, the disorder convinces him he does whenever it kicks in. also the secondary title (expensive mistakes). this could be referencing how people with bipolar disorder have a lot of trouble managing their money and often splurge. my grandpa went ahead and bought 2 grave sites for himself and my grandma during one of his episodes. it's not a nice thing to witness.

* church

this song immediately grabbed my intention as soon as i saw the title. i love the music and choir in this song so much, butch's (their producer) bass line is very nice and i love listening for it. also i adore the "if death is the last appointment then we're all just sitting in the waiting room" part. it's a little repetitive but not in a generic way like champion, it has a lot of other things going along in it. - i'm not religious whatsoever but i love religious imagery - it's so fascinating and it's very easy to manipulate it into something twisted. i feel like church is simply referencing how people do absolutely absurd things for their faith and the narrator is willing to do all of those things for their significant other. they are holy. a deity. - or maybe it's just about sucking dick. 

* heaven's gate

when i saw the title track for this song i was hoping we were gonna get some more cult related lyrics. unfortunately not really, but there is a couple that may be referencing it.  "out of my body, and flying above." the heaven's gate cult believed that the body was merely a vehicle your being, (i don't know if they used the word "soul") would essentially leave and enter the next stage in existence, away from earth, possibly on an aircraft, reunited with god. the other one is "go in the world and start over again and again, as many times as you can" the cult believed that god came as a human on earth to warn those of when the world would be recycled, or, restarted. once as jesus, the second as applewhite. a little farfetched, but it's something to consider. - it could also just mean you keep trying to keep your faith but you just don't make the cut for heaven, hinted at in the following lines after it. overall i really enjoyed this song, "boost", like i said, took a little getting used to but it's alright. i really love the music and the bridge is amazing. it's nice to see them incorporate other genres.

* sunshine riptide

this song immediately became my favourite when i heard the previews  - i absolutely love the reggae and i think burna boy did an excellent job. he really spices up the track. this song sounds really pleasant but it's got some of the deeper lyrics on the album in it, blatantly talking about pills, drinking and smoking. it sounds as if this song is guiding you through a manic episode but using substances to mask it - as many do. it has a heavy narcissistic feel to me, burna boy even calls himself "god" at the first part of his verse. it also touches on relationships again, possibly blaming them for the cause of all of their emotions. "you came in like a wave when i was feeling alright." give this song more credit, it deserves it. it truly is a riptide, it's so aggressive and it has so much stuff going on in it.

* bishops knife trick

here it is, my favourite. this song - i can't even explain how much i love this song. it's like a slow rock ballad with a modern twist, it's so beautiful. the bridge makes me break down into tears almost every time. - sadly i feel like this song may be referencing pete's suicide attempt - "these are the last blues we're ever gonna have" - and you probably all are aware what blues mean. ativan. also "im just a full tank away from freedom" i feel like this could be referencing a full bottle of pills to death, but that may be stretching it. on a lighter note, this is totally chicago is so two years ago part 2, just on a sadder note. it's an amazing closer to the album.

many people say mania is too jumbled and inconsistent - i do believe this was their intention since bipolar disorder is unpredictable. though, it could have a better arrangement to flow smoother, perhaps they could've made the second listing for the listening experience, and the original for the more artistic presentation of the album.

is mania my favourite album? no. is mania a bad album? no. is it their best? no. do i like it? yes.

overall, i feel like this album was a success and im very grateful for their fearless experimentation. this era has been quite an entertaining, pleasant experience so far. i give it a 7.5/10

[i-am-very-very-tired]

Lifetime’s controversial reality television show Preacher’s Daughters chronicles the whereabouts of nine preacher’s daughters from across the United States whose fathers—and respective church communities—believe a mission trip to Cabo, Mexico will sanctify their unorthodox, morally abducted souls from worldly vice. (Insert sarcasm.)

At first glance, scenes showcasing the women attending Bible study, building homes for impoverished families, and spreading the gospel shows what we’d usually associate with God-fearing, sanctimonious people. But this message of selflessness and piety is misplaced amidst watching how these young women react to real world issues. Difficult circumstances involving alcohol and sex are transformed into one-way tickets to temptation. Adding insult to injury, the preacher’s daughters live in a house where drama is expected to boil over, unresolved issues serve as a wonderful talking point at the widely anticipating post-show reunion, and catchy zingers beg to be turned into the next trendy colloquial phrase.

Reality television continues to misrepresent the lived experiences of everyday folk. I get it. It’s fairly inexpensive to produce, and, given the marketability of certain shows (ex.Sorority Girls,Love & Hip Hop), controversy is profitable. What better way to boost ratings and save a network from obscurity! Exploiting young women battling a potpourri of psychological trauma and pressure from religious communities serves as a wonderful storyline, right? Wrong.

My discomfort is not placed in the mere existence or exposure to these topics. Pretending our young girls will not, at some point in their life, either experiment with or adopt a curious eye is not only naïve, but a passive aggressive reaction to engaging with our youth.

Preacher’s Daughters capitalizes on this curiosity to draw caricatures of Black women, capitulating to America’s insatiable, voyeuristic obsession with watching the unfurling of a fallen woman..

Preacher’s Daughters initially appeared to have the potential to inaugurate an engaging, informative discussion on how we project unrealistic expectations of purity, chasteness, and perfection on daughters—and not even just the daughters of preachers. Before the show decided to transform into a Bad Girls Club-meets-The Real World hybrid, it actually focused on humanizing rather than reducing. And although the first season paints its sole Black lead in harmful stereotype after harmful stereotype, at the very least, it provided more context to their stories.

Let’s fast forward to today’s version of the show. Black women are minimized to loud-mouthed, weave-wearing Turn Up Queens who bark vulgarities at their helpless White cast mates. Meanwhile, the voyeuristic gaze forbids the audience from sympathizing with their troubles and we are meant to birth a strong aversion towards them.

Even the Preacher’s Daughters cast biographies reignite the nature of reality television, the success of which is anchored in documenting these women’s lives within the same tired narrative. Truthfully, they are given as much depth as you’d expect from a Pillsbury Biscuit.

There is Lolly White, a 24-year-old from Los Angeles, California. She is depicted as a marauder, pumping her chest and attaching negative energy at every turn.

Based on the biographies of Kristiana Flowers, an 18-year-old from Detroit, Michigan, and Tyche Crockett, a 22-year-old from New Orleans, Louisiana, the main idea is very clear: although they struggle with temptation (and in Kristiana’s circumstance, sexual identity), in a not-so-subtle way, they are willing to be converted by the Preacher’s Daughter’s house. Or in other words, they have potential to become the religious members the church expects them to be.

Kori Haynes’ relationship to religion is one of many hues, and, contrary to how other White cast mates are described, appears to hold the most radical understanding of Christianity. Partying and Bible study coexist in a harmonious land.

But most disturbingly, Cierra Vaughn’s description is unsettling. Cierra “began rebelling at an early age,” beginning with alcohol and a slew of other purportedly “ungodly acts.”

Rebelling at an early age? If I’m not mistaken, don’t we all show signs of rebellion? Quite frankly, why is alcohol used as a litmus test to validate her supposedly mutineer spirit of today?

However, the background information of White cast mate Kayla Wilde from California mentions that a brief moment of partying proved to be redemptive and morally enlightening. Where was that same level of care and understanding with the other cast mates? The language clearly sculpts who is allowed to seek salvation through mistakes and whose identity will be defined by them. And that framing of redemption ain’t offered to Black women, and that’s certain.

“I’ve got my Bible and I’ve got my [alcohol]!” brags Lilly in the titillating trailer. Lifetime makes no allusion to who we can expect to be the next Natalie Nunn of Preacher’s Daughters. After all, Bad Girls are glorified reality television heroes we all love to quote and we applaud their reckless behavior for its entertainment value. In either case, Black women aren’t given the opportunity to subvert this ideology.

Preacher’s Daughters perpetuates the false trope of hypersexualized, unscrupulous Black women who willingly participate in, and enjoy, parading about in a reproachful manner.

Lifetime advertises a binary relationship to religion, salvation, and self-help. The Black cast members of Preacher’s Daughters are painted as either good or evil. Rebellious or subservient. Cross or approachable. Another heart wrenching example of the disproportionate opportunities given to Black women on television to showcase their narratives. They are regularly given an “either or” ultimatum and never an in-between.

These women are stripped of their humanity, picked and plucked apart by the scorching eyes of an over-judgmental society. Their mistakes, familial battles, and personal insecurities feed into the notion that preacher’s daughters are naturally rebellious and must be saved in the most drastic measure. I’m all for providing young women an opportunity for growth, but placing them in a house in Cabo, Mexico already seems like false TV pretense. Cabo is most often associated with spring break partying and wet T-shirt contests—not “mission work.” This is shown by the juxtaposition of choppy scenes of group prayers followed up by twerking at the club.

Instead of using the show as a platform to highlight the unrealistic expectations ascribed to young women, Preacher’s Daughters satisfies the voyeuristic obsession society holds on watching women at their worst behavior, even as we pile on them the moral pressure to be “good” and “respectable.” I cannot imagine the harm already done thanks to yet another clumsy television show that appears too invested in gaining ratings and providing a feast for consumers. Instead of using the show as a vehicle to take an honest look at what it’s like to struggle with one’s faith—and comment on the unfair pressures society places on young women’s respectability—Lifetime proves that they’re just about the money.

I’m not here for it.

Black women are not objects. Black women are not characters. Black women’s lived experience should not be treated as cultural currency. We are not a cheap thrill.

Brittany Dawson is a regular contributor at For Harriet. She is a senior at the University of South Carolina who is passionate about equality, social justice, and education. You may follow her on Twitter: @BrittanyJDawson.