#gosh I'm so happy that I've started the blog

[pistatsia]

Isagi Yoichi: problems with anger expression

Clickbait, right? One would think that what kind of anger expression problems could there be with a guy swearing on the field with war-crime level insults and joyfully bringing a child a few years younger to tears?

The kind where one derives from the the other.

Now, let's figure it out.

To do so, we'll have to go back to Isagi's novel (hoshi801_ translation is used for all of the quotes). From it, we know that Isagi grew up as a quiet and shy child. "He never gets into fights with his friends and never disobeys his teachers."

Nevertheless, it ended quite simply then - thanks to Noa, he learnt how to express his anger and negative feelings. Problem? Only on the football field. The novel says he "was fearless in running into his opponents, as if he had never been a crybaby." 

He was winning, and what he liked best about football - his football, Noa's football - was the beauty of Noa’s playstyle brutality. Because that's what made it an acceptable outlet for him - fighting with friends is bad, arguing with teachers is not allowed - but on the football pitch you are free. You can be angry. Football became his safe space.

Except that then Isagi entered the root of all his troubles - Ichinan.

Even before it, the novel mentioned and emphasised Isagi's inability to express himself. For a while, despite this, his plans worked: the coaches let him play the way he wanted, and he didn't have to come into direct conflict with them.

But that trick didn't work in Ichinan - the dream school suddenly turned out to be somehow strange, and Isagi felt that he wasn't allowed to fulfil his potential here.

But no one on the team was unsatisfied by the current system.

Even before the conversation with the coach where he was ridiculed Isagi had tried to test the waters. Specifically to test - he doesn't say anything outright in fear of being rejected. "Uhm, Tada-kun… don’t you think there’s something wrong with this?" he asks his club mate very cautiously, while in thoughts having more direct “Huh? Am I the only one who thinks that this is ridiculous?”. It's written out separately in the novel that "he watches the expression on Tada's face to see how he'll react" - Isagi already has problems. He's already learnt that he can be rejected if his opinion doesn't coincide with the majority - especially since the conversation wasn't taking place in 'football territory', where he was more or less able to talk straight. 

Having an opinion for Isagi means isolation.

But he still tries one last time - one that finally cracks him up, convincing him that the others know better and he just needs to be patient.

In the novel his friends are "Surprized, seeing the quiet and obedient Isagi talk to the coach" - again, he is used to keeping quiet and not risking. Still, he dares to - and is immediately ridiculed for allegedly trying to "show off". 

And this is what finally kills in him the will to resist. Because losing his friends and football is more terrifying for him than losing himself.

What does the novel says about Isagi after this episode? "He is afraid of being disliked for being assertive", "always timid", "compliant". "When his friends get excited, Isagi would say something like this: “Uh, yeah… me too”."

"He just goes with the flow."

Isagi agrees with Tada's taste in girls, agrees to eat what he doesn't want to, pleases in every way possible just so he won't be abandoned. He obeys the coach's strategy, and even on the field - the only thing that gave him joy and was a safe place for him - he ends up obeying the rules his surroundings have imposed on him.

He doesn't try to argue, he doesn't try to prove anything - he just chooses the safest path, the one where he doesn't do anything and doesn't fight, but he stays safe. Not abandoned.

What's the conclusion?

Isagi doesn't know how to express anger at all. He just hasn't learnt it because he hasn't tried it. And most importantly, doesn't know how to express it correctly.

Why is it necessary (and important) to know how to anger correctly in the first place? The point is that for the mentality anger is a kind of marker that lets us know when our interests are violated and our needs are not satisfied. Which by its presence helps us to build boundaries and achieve what we need. Anger is the power and energy to change an unpleasant world to suit us and achieve our goals.

But Isagi was shamed for showing negative emotions and for any attempt to express himself. He was shown non-verbally that any expression of self and attempt to argue, even just a different opinion would be received grudgingly, that you had to agree on everything, that if you tried to argue you would be rejected and not only that, you would lose the football.

And Isagi tamps down the anger inside himself - he no longer stands up for himself, and holds back the anger to the last, storing it up inside for years.

He develops a ban on anger.

And in general, not just anger - any negative emotion. He is unable to express even the despair of losing to Kira correctly; he tries to suppress it, to muffle it, the novel explicitly states that he attempts to lock it up inside, but in the end, having overflowed, this despair against his will burst out in a scream. Isagi suppresses all negative feelings in general. Aside from the crying part, this repressed anger is evident even in the first chapter, when he imagines the goalkeeper in tears from defeat, and dreams of crushing Kira. Without saying it out loud, though.

And in that 'against his will' lies the main problem of why exactly anger needs to be lived out properly. 

Because otherwise it'll spill out just like that scream - desperate, seething, expansive, and the worst part?

Uncontrollable.

What is the danger of not controlling the expression of anger? Why can't we just hide it inside and keep smiling, without causing anyone problems and without wasting the resources of our body on it, just adjusting? Yes, in doing so you lose your freedom of expression - so what? 

Because anger doesn't disappear over time. It is put inside layer by layer, day by day. 

And sooner or later you can't hold it back.

In life this rarely ends well: if a person holds themselves to a completely unhealthy level of control they may at some point experience an episode of derealisation - when repressed feelings become so abundant that the brain rolls out one of the strongest self-defence mechanisms - detachment. If it doesn't? One goes off the rails: he overreacts to the smallest of things, he is thrown from one-time hook-ups to drugs and alcohol. The accumulated anger begins to destroy from the insides.

But Isagi, as an adaptation specialist (unconsciously, most likely) has come up with a great answer to this, learnt from childhood and from the show with Noel Noa. Which one? Express anger where it would be considered normal.

Blue Lock with on-field swearing works for Isagi for many reasons at once. He got Bachira, who showed him that there's nothing wrong with expressing his angry-self - he'll be accepted, he would even be welcomed, it's okay to be angry! He got Chigiri and Kunigami, Nanase and Hiori, dozens of people accepting him no matter what (but in personal conflicts outside the field he usually still doesn't know how to behave - he prefers to withdraw and wait for things to resolve themselves - but that's for another time). Here, also, the issue of survival came into play, as expressions of anger and rage were cultivated by the Ego itself, sometimes specifically manipulating the players to do so.

There's also the application of the familiar pattern of his pre-Ichinan childhood ('I play football as rough as Noa - I'm doing well, I'm not alone, and I achieve my goals because it happens on the field, so it doesn't mean anything'), the general tense atmosphere, and a fair number of trigger characters who would drive even a saint to their grave (heh, Kaiser, heh). Isagi in general has more to do with football than almost all of Blue Lock's characters. Manifestations of anger and determination as a child (on the football field!)? Noa. Manifestations of them now? Blue Lock. He continues to use mechanisms familiar from childhood to protect himself, adapting them to new realities.

(basically, even the fact that Noa is around - who, again, once gave little Isagi the opportunity to express himself openly on the field - can have an impact on the escalation of Isagi's behaviour around Kaiser and Bastards. Whose presence and support is associated with a safe expression of himself)

like father like son

And uncontrollable anger bursts out, but for now like water from a cracked jug - in jolts, strong and those impossible to shut down, but from just one place. The swearing at the match and the opportunity to openly express himself and his objectives (remember how he shouted at Noa that his system doesn't allow him to score goals hahaha) allowed him to relax, to partially release the anger accumulated over the years - all without any realisation on his part. He doesn't even have to do anything - it all resolved itself. He's not being rejected, he's playing the way he wants to play and yet he's angry! That's great!

And everything seems to be fine, right?

The problem is that Blue Lock's setting just isn't going to work in the long run. Ego will be there for the rest of the project - another 2-3 months - and for training for the World Championship, for the Championship itself, and... that's it. The project ends, Isagi flies off to play in another country, but who can guarantee that the environment for such an expression of anger will be replicated there as well?

At one point, access to the field and, in principle, to the competitive and encouraging environment for such expressions of character in Blue Lock is bound to be cut off. There are gaps between seasons, injuries, end of career, and the simple fact that such expression depends on how much the coach allows to players - at some point Isagi may well be silenced.

And then all the accumulated, bubbling anger inside, which is now used to being expressed regularly, will spill out - and not on the safe field, where much can be blamed on adrenaline, but on his loved ones, his career and himself.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Hiatus Update

Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is ready for the next year!

I'm really sorry that I keep falling into a hiatus status, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about some things.

No, this isn't an announcement of canceling my AUs or that I'm dropping Twisted Wonderland! I still love the series very much and I still have far too much in mind with the AUs to stop thinking about them so soon! I just wanted to get that out of the way since I realize my lack of content creation lately seems to have worried a few people, and I'd like to apologize to everyone for worrying you all.

That being said, that brings me to my next point, and...it's going to get serious. No TW, it's nothing like that! Just...me speaking my thoughts and realizations. TLDR at the end if you want to skip the ramble!

I've been writing for this blog for...gosh, I think about three years now? It feels less than that for me, but that's a lot of writing done over the years. So many AU ideas, so many asks, so much love for the AUs I've created that--honestly--I almost didn't even start this blog had it not been for some encouragement from a good friend. And I'm glad I did! These past few years have been some of the most creatively liberating times I've had before I ever discovered Twisted Wonderland (would you believe it was originally Leona that made me want to play it despite Malleus being the one that kept popping up in my feed to the point I had to try and figure out what his name was? XD).

Yet despite all that writing and hyper-fixating, I've come to realize and accept that I'm experiencing quite the huge burnout...and I have been for quite a while without realizing or accepting it.

It's not because of any particular wip fic or art that I've been slowing down. The burnout had been happening for a while and just boiled over, and I think as a result...I started doubting myself over time. Doubting that what I was writing was going to be good, or that I'd be able to fulfill everyone's requests or asks in a way that makes them happy or feel that I put as much effort into the writing as I do with others, feeling like I'd be letting people down if I don't make something as long or detailed as some of my other responses, or making promises of grand ideas and not being able to deliver on it. I didn't feel connected to my writing, that it wasn't meant for me to enjoy or feel like I could be part of.

To put it simply, I put far too much pressure on myself, and the lack of feedback or reactions beyond likes on some fics I spent a lot of time and effort on didn't exactly help my mind's relationship with my own writing. Because of that self-imposed pressure, I'd...forgotten what it was like to love my own writing, to enjoy the process for what it was and to feel like I can just write what I want and feel included in my own adventures. Writing consumed me to the point that most days...I'd only be able to stare at the blank screen or my notebooks, the words and scenes in my mind yet unable to string them together in tangible form and yet I felt terrible NOT sitting there trying to write.

It was a pretty vicious cycle I couldn't break until now.

Lately, I've been focusing more on self-care. Not just physical stuff like hygiene or cooking better home meals (though I am doing that), but I mean giving myself other things to enjoy on my self-care wheel.

This is what I mean by the self-care wheel (link to instagram post ). It puts it in a way that makes sense, and I hope it helps someone else as well! Here's a screenshot of the post for those who don't have Instagram.

I've been watching more anime and other shows on streaming services lately, I've been playing other games like World of Warcraft (which has become my current obsession!) among others, and just...essentially breaking up the routine I had where I did nothing but writing, so I could take a break. And honestly? I've been able to write other things again. But this time for myself.

I feel like I'm able to enjoy the process again.

I love my writing again!

But I know better than to just assume that things are okay now and I can jump back into the blog so soon. I don't want to repeat what I had been doing when I thought my burnout was gone and just silently falling into hiatus again. Healing isn't a linear process no matter what it's for, and things won't get better if I don't start being kinder to myself.

So to bring a long story short:

I'm okay. I'll be okay, I just have to remind myself to enjoy more hobbies and interests in my life to make each day more fulfilling--more rounded. And when I come back to Twisted Wonderland, I'll go at my own pace and remember to write for myself too. I'd still love to chat and ramble about it or even about other fandoms or things to try! I've spent far too long building this blog to let it and the wonderful people who have followed and commented and even sent asks and fanart go away, and I want to connect in a way I feel I hadn't been able to in ages. ;;v;;

Remember to take care of yourselves, and find other things to fill your self-care wheel! It'll take time and effort, but I promise that things will start to feel better the more you realize you've got other things to make life worthwhile. 💝

TLDR: I'm okay! I'm just going to be on hiatus for a while longer and working more on self-care to remember to enjoy life as it should be enjoyed. Writing and concept art will resume at my own pace when I feel I'm able to consistently enjoy the process of writing for the fandom again. Would love to ramble and chat about other hobbies and interests and interact with the community though!

[elronds-library]

I think your blog is great! I've started noticing a little smattering of kudos when you share one of my older works (even, sometimes, a comment!). Thank you for sifting up older works for the fandom's (re)consideration.

Secondly, I haven't noticed them on your blog (it's possible I don't know how to search tags) and I think you would love three of my favourite authors jouissant, lonelyvisitor, and clovis_unleashed.

Now, I know this isn't an author rec blog, so here are three works to get the collection started (rather obviously reflecting my tastes).

rules of betrayal by clovis_unleashed (@tobermoriansass)

arrangement for flute and harp by jouissant (@jouissants)

Boys' Trip by lonelyvisitor (@i-am-a-lonely-visitor)

None of them knowing I am sending this. I am sorry for embarrassing you, friends 🫣

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for this! The extra kudos and comments for my favorite authors is exactly what I hoped to achieve with this project, so I'm so happy to hear it's working :D

I will certainly check out their works and add them to the queue (which is currently about 4 months deep; over 750 posts and I'm adding to it pretty much daily).

Funnily enough, I had reread 'arrangement for flute and harp' the day you sent this!

(And I think our tastes are pretty similar, fwiw, so thank you for some fantastic reads)

As usual, proper posts for all of these fantastic recs to come in the next few hours.

[sidsinning]

OMG SIDSINNING?!?! POOKIE THAT REALLY YOU?? OMG. YOU JUST APPEARED ON MY DASHBOARD WHA- YOU CARRIED OUT MY WHOLE MIRACULOUS HYPERFIXATION OMG!!! Dude this is soooo cool!! I'm obsessing over hazbin hotel and your art just appeared and I was like "OMG IT'S MY FAVORITE MIRACULOUS ARTIST" Dude I just wanna thank you!! You have just played a major role in my past obsession with miraculous ladybug and I wanted to thank you for all the memories you gave me. You art really made an inpact on me about three years back and are one of the reasons I started to draw fanart. And since I began drawing fanart due to consuming so many miraculous comics I actually ended up learning how to draw!! So thanks for being one of the reasons I got into drawing in the first place!! Oh my gosh I have liked your art for ages and just never knew you had a tumblr! This is like the best day ever. Your art has inspired me so much. It has inspired me over and over to get better in the past just to reach a certian level. So I just wanna thank you for having been my inspiration for a long time. I stopped watching Miraculous about almost a year or a couple of months now. (when season five started airing) But I will never ever forget the impact you left on my artist journey and how much your art meant to me when I was still a teensy bit cringe and was obsessing over the kids show. Thank you so so so so much. Your awesome. Like never stop drawing. -Michael/Mod mike (or as on my blogs ADHD!!)

HELLO!!!! THIS MIGHT BE THE SWEETEST MESSAGE I'VE EVER GOTTEN HERE LIKE EVER!!!

Thank you so much for enjoying my posts and art all this time, truly I have never thought I'd have a deeply personal effect on anyone with my silly doodles and comics here! So it makes me really happy to hear I had such a positive affect on you!!! In such a profound way!!!

I really don't know what to say other than I am super flattered and overwhelmed by how candy sweet this message is (IN A GOOD WAY OFC)!!! And it got me emotional reading this!!!

So thank you again!!!!

[rogersideup]

Nice to be Kneaded

Chapter 15

Everything will be Okay

series masterlist

Previous part: Cinnamon Roll Next Part: Crawl Home to You

Word Count: 6,979

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions of medical equipment, loss, abuse, PTSD, anxiety and depression.

"This is the worst thing I've ever done" Steve complained, puffing out short winded breaths as he worked at the table opposite you.

He decided he wanted to learn how to bake bread after watching you do it so many times. The patiences and techniques behind the art intrigued him, and there was no one better to learn from than you, the best of the best.

You laughed as you watched him struggle to knead the dough on the floured counter facing yours. His cheeks were turning pink and his dough was still shaggy and lumpy, he was completely envious of yours already becoming smooth and bouncy. "Don't look at mine, it's unfair to you. I have experience, comparison is going to kill all your confidence."

"My arms hurt" Steve emphasized.

"Your arms pulled an in-flight helicopter into the top of a building, and single handedly ended World War II. I'm pretty sure they can handle an artisan loaf, Baby." You smiled.

"How long have we been kneading?" He puffed out.

You peaked at the clock, "mmmm, 3 minutes."

"How long do we need to do this?"

"Usually 10"

"Okay, well, you must have arms of steel because this is impossible."

"I believe in you!" You encouraged him. "Use the heels of your palms, push the dough out then pull it back. You can even go diagonally, side to side."

"You're not even out of breath?" He noted in disbelief. "I feel like I'm asthmatic again."

"Do you need an inhaler? I'm sure I can find you one" A giggle slipped past your lips.

"You're a super soldier." Steve stated, his arms coming to a stand still to take a break. "There's no way someone can just do this."

"Here, let's swap. I got a good start on this one so it'll be easier for you." You said walking over to his side of the table, and taking over his dough while he moved over to yours.

"See, much easier. Now I'm a bread master!" He exclaimed, working with your dough that was already almost completely smooth rather than his shaggy mess.

"I knew you could do it! Great job, Stevie" You smiled.

"Thank you, thank you." He accepted your compliment.

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the sound of music filled your ears, you were obviously very concentrated on fixing the monstrosity of a dough pile Steve had left you.

It was sticking to every square inch of your hands, yet also incredibly crumbly and dry. You had no idea how he even went about creating such a substance, but you sure as hell were going to make it work, and you definitely weren't going to say anything about it.

He knew it wasn't correct, it was written all over your face but that made him happy. Watching you try to work with the crumbly goo with furrowed eyebrows and a smile that you tried to hold back warmed his heart, you were always so kind and encouraging.

"So..." Steve broke the silence.

"So?" You acknowledged.

"I was thinking."

"Oh gosh, that's scary..." You joked.

"Our anniversary passed not too long ago..." He mentioned, causing you to look up at him with a fond look on your face.

"That was six months ago" You pointed out, unsure if not too long was the proper description of how much time had actually passed.

Once all of the scary bumps that came along with establishing a new relationship were smoothed out, unlike the dough beneath your hands, your relationship with Steve was so smooth it glided by effortlessly and fast.

The concept of time since the blip in general felt quite odd, it felt like five years had passed by in the blink of an eye, yet the way of living with only half the population was so normal and routine now you couldn't imagine a time in which you lived a normal life before the blip.

That's exactly how you felt about your time with Steve as well. He moved in permanently next door, then before you knew it his lease was up and he moved in to your house. The spaces that were once yours were now yours and Steve's.

Four and a half years deep into your official relationship with the man and you couldn't even remember a time in which his easel wasn't always displaying a half completed work of art in the corner of the living room and there wasn't a Captain America suit tucked away in the very back of the closet, hiding away in a garment bag.

The two of you created the simple, care free life of your dreams. One in which the biggest struggle you faced on the daily basis was keeping the bakery stocked despite the ever growing crowds, and missing Steve whenever he was away on business to the compound in New York.

"So our anniversary is coming up!"'He enthused.

You laughed at his change of words, "only six months away!"

"Can you believe that four and a half years ago I waltzed in here for a cookie, and that simple choice single handedly changed both of our lives?" He questioned.

"Wow, kneading bread makes you so philosophical." You noted. "What a great choice you made, just goes to show that cookies really are the better part of life."

"You're the better part of my life, sunflower." He purposely cheesed causing you to look back up at him once more.

"How sweet" You acknowledged. "If my hands weren't covered in dough I'd reach up and boop your nose."

He laughed while he continued kneading your loaf that he was definitely going to claim as his now. "Maybe we could spend our half-anniversary in New York?"

Steve was going through a phase in which you could've never ever predicted, he hated going up to the compound now. He dreaded work trips, he hated how cold his room in the compound always seemed to feel, he despised all the memories that came to mind when he walked around.

From what you could understand through multiple conversations about this, he just didn't like being away from you. Being away from you when the blip happened and having no control over your arrest traumatized him in a way he would never admit, but in a way you could see in his eyes every time he had to leave town.

Regardless of what it was that made him resent the compound so much, you knew that it was a whole lot easier for him when you tagged along. So now he found a lot of creative reasons to try and drag you to New York.

Each reason was more creative than the last, and you said yes every single time he asked. At this point in your relationship, you were pretty sure you've spent over four months time in New York and it was starting to feel like a second home.

"You know you don't really need a reason to get me to New York right?" You smiled. "I'd love to spend our half anniversary with you, and I'll go with you to wherever you need to go."

"But coming up with a reason is half the fun" Steve admitted.

"Is this fun?" You questioned, motioning to the dough in your hands.

"This is exhausting!" He answered honestly, earning a laugh from you.

"You know what I love about going to the compound with you?"

"That Nat is there?" He questioned.

"That I get to learn about all the cool things you do for once. It's like going to the Avengers bakery and kneading the Captain America loaf!" You explained. "But yeah, I do love seeing Nat."

Steve giggled at your analogy, loving every second of watching your skillful hands try their absolute hardest to make his faulty dough pile work. "I'm always worried that you might be bored whenever I drag you with me."

"Bored?!" You emphasized. "My love, I'm a civilian in the Avengers compound. There's absolutely nothing boring about that."

"Okay, so next week you'll come with me?" He asked just to make sure.

"Of course" you reassured.

"Woohoo!" He shook his shoulders and hips in a little happy dance, hands sill focused on the dough. "Best day ever!"

You laughed at his response, "if this is the best day ever, then I think we should get out more."

"Okay, now is your chance to be honest with me." Steve prompted. "Does that dough lump have any potential at all of becoming anything close to a loaf of bread?"

"You know I love you very, very much?" You smiled, batting your eyelashes.

"Of course I do." Steve giggled.

"We're gonna have to squish this." You told him honestly. "But the bright side is that you're doing so well kneading that loaf, it'll be the prettiest, glutinous loaf to ever come out of this kitchen!"

"You said that so nicely, I'm not even upset about it" Steve shrugged, prompting you to smile.

You walked over to him and rocked up on your tippy toes before smacking a kiss to his cheek. "You're wonderful, we'll try again soon."

Before you knew it, you were right back in New York, smack dap in the compound. Whenever you were here you completely understood that Steve was here to work, so you never expected him to keep you entertained by any means. So you always brought your laptop and took care of business from the comfort of his room or the living room depending on what him and Nat were up to that day.

And 100% of the times you stepped foot into the Avengers home, whoever was lingering around always asked for you to bake them something, and you were always happy to say yes.

This particular night, Nat requested a chocolate chip cheesecake. After going to the store to get everything you needed, making all the parts and popping it in the oven, you started to do the dishes.

Muscular forearms wrapped around your stomach from behind, and the front of Steve's body warmly pressed against your back.

"How's it going, baby?" He questioned.

"Good, almost done in here." You responded while enjoying every second of his embrace. "How are you? Sleepy?"

"So tired." He confirmed. "I have a few hours of work left to get ready for the support group tomorrow but I think Nat is wrapping up for the night. You'll be okay?"

"Of course, I still have to input payroll and enter the supply delivery invoice for the bakery so I have plenty to do." You grinned, wiping your hands off so you could turn around to face him. When you did, you couldn't help but to admire him. His hair, his cute outfit, the fond yet tired look in his eyes. Reaching up, you squeezed his shoulders to try and relax his tense posture as his hands made their way to your hips. "You're so beautiful."

His cheeks turned pink before dropping his head onto your shoulder. "You're beautiful-er."

"Why does it have to be a competition? Just accept your handsomeness and move on" You giggled at his shyness, even after four and a half years together.

"Becauseeeee" he complained. "I'm lucky to have you, and I'm so happy you're here. Then, you're always really nice to me and all the people here that I love and I just can't even process how sweet you are."

You smiled before you both mutually leaned in for a kiss. "I promise you that I feel like the lucky one."

"Impossible." He shook his head in denial with his cheeks stilly adorably rosy. "Thank you for baking for us."

"Anytime, you know I love it."

Steve nodded in agreement. "I'll see you in a few hours?"

"I'll be here." You gave his shoulders another good squeeze. "We'll get those pretty eyes of yours some good rest."

By the time Steve finished up work and made his way back to the living quarters, it was already way past the bedtime he subconsciously made for himself to keep up with living with a baker. 10 at night felt like he had pulled an all nighter, and it seems as though that's how you felt as well considering he found you and Nat asleep on the couch.

Empty plates on the coffee table with Oreo crumbs being the only evidence of the cheesecake you made hours prior, and a movie that Steve had never even heard of playing on the TV provided the only source of light in the big space.

You and Nat had obviously gotten close and comfortable with each other, the shared blanket across your laps and your head plunked over onto Nat's shoulder with her head on top of yours made Steve smile and feel endlessly happy.

As much as you loved Nat, Steve knew Nat needed every drop of love and friendship you could give her. You both knew she was struggling ever since the blip, she spent every waking moment trying to monitor the world and find a solution. Steve didn't even know she was capable of settling down enough for even just a few hours to be able to fall asleep while watching a movie in the first place. You weren't just his sunflower, but everyone's who was lucky enough to earn your love.

Though he hated to break up the adorable scene in front of him, he was just as tired as the two of you evidently were and knew he should get you to bed.

He started by waking up Nat considering you were stuck beneath her. She was a light sleeper so it didn't take more than gently shaking her arm to wake her up, and she came to her senses quickly enough to immediately recognize what Steve was about to do.

"Good morning." Nat grinned, not lifting her head from the top of yours.

"Morning." Steve smiled. "Any chance I could get my girl back so I can send you two off to bed?"

"No. She's mine now." Nat denied. "Shes so cute and cuddly like a little puppy."

"You can have her back in the morning, but if she doesn't get some real sleep she gets a little grumpy." Steve bargained.

"Fine, but she's mine tomorrow. We're gonna go run some errands and grab lunch together."

"That sounds great, you could use a few hours away from this place." Steve encouraged.

"Just for that comment, I'm staying home." Nat joked.

"I will literally pay for both of you to go get your nails done if that means you'll get some fresh, non recirculated air." Steve sassed.

"A manicure and I get to take your girl out? Sign me up." She continued joking.

"The only conditions are that you go get some sleep and let me have nighttime custody of her so that she can get some sleep too."

"You're such a dad." She stated while carefully nudging your head off of her shoulder, then slowly standing up when she had successfully moved you off of her.

"Can I get you anything before you head off to bed?" Steve checked in.

"No, I'm okay. Thank you." She approached him and squeezed his shoulder before he just pulled her in for a hug anyways. "Goodnight, Rogers."

"Night, Romanoff." He reciprocated before letting go and she walked off into her room.

Now, he had you. His precious little lump on the couch. The dishes on the coffee table could be taken care of in the morning, and the TV would auto shut off in an hour or two. So he picked you up and held you tightly in his arms, and you immediately snuggled into neck.

He could tell you woke up at some point considering you started leaving little kisses to his exposed skin before he made it to his room. You were already in your pajamas ready to go, so he gently laid your down on the bed before he changed into some pajama shorts and brushed his teeth before laying down next to you.

Surprisingly, you were still awake and quick to pull the blankets over the two of you as you settled into each other. Appreciating the warmth of his soft bare skin, you laid your head on his chest and wrapped your arm tightly around his stomach, hand resting on the side of his rib cage.

You placed a little kiss to his collar bone before propping yourself up a bit on your arm to spark up a conversation you needed to get off your mind before you could truly get some restful sleep.

"How was the rest of your day, honey?" You questioned as one of his hands slipped up the back of your crewneck, the other drew little circles onto your hip.

"It was okay, pretty routine." He responded softly. "How's Nat doing?"

"That poor girl needs to get a life away from all of this." You sighed.

"I know" Steve nodded in agreement. "It's really hard to take a step back when you feel directly responsible, but it's not healthy. I've been encouraging her to get out more but she doesn't listen."

"I invited her to stay with us in Greenwood in a few weeks, hopefully she takes me up on that." You moved your hand up to his chest.

"That would be really fun." Steve grinned. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"Mhm, I mostly worked the whole time though." You admitted. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something before we sleep."

"What's going on?" He asked, you could tell he was paying a little closer attention now.

"So I ran some numbers on profit and what not, and just for shits and giggles I reached out to my lender and contractor to see if this was even a possibility when I had the idea but now that it's looking very possible, I wanted to see how you felt about this..."

"About what?" He raised an eyebrow in anticipation.

"What would you think about me opening a second location of the bakery?" You asked.

His face immediately lit up in a big smile. "Darling, that's incredible! You should absolutely do it if you feel comfortable enough."

"I do feel really good about it." You confirmed. His happy response made your heart soar. When you first opened Nice to be Kneaded, your last partner ridiculed you every single day. He thought the idea of owning a business would simply be too much of a challenge for you. He told you that you'd never succeed, that it would go under and cause debts for the rest of your life. Though you were at a point in your relationship with Steve where you never doubted his ability to be a kind person, his kindness still made you happy every single day. "The reason I really wanted to ask you is because I was advised the best location to break ground in would be New York."

His big smile grew even wider, and the corners of his eyes crinkled with adorable smile lines. "Are you for real?"

"Yeah" you giggled at his response.

"That makes me so happy!" He pouted his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm so proud of you."

"So I take it that you think this is a good idea?" The smile never left your face.

"I think it's the best idea you've ever had." He exaggerated.

"Then I guess I'll give it the green light first thing tomorrow morning." You settled the issue then settled back into his body.

The two of you talked for a little while about what life would look like with another bakery in New York. Both of you traveled back and forth so often now that dividing your time between two places was already second nature. He even pitched getting the two of you an apartment somewhere between the city and the compound so you both felt more at home when away from Greenwood. Though you loved the idea, you encouraged him to let all these thoughts settle for a day or two until you had a better idea on the logistics of this new endeavor. Besides, it was already late and you were both tired, there was nothing you could even arrange until the morning.

Though you felt settled and completely relaxed snuggled up to him, you played with his hair and tried to get him to relax too. You could feel his tension, but it was normal. No matter how exhausted he was, if he was at the compound his mind was busy and never quite turned off. His thoughts shifted from the happy thoughts of a future where the two of you hopped from bakery to bakery, big city Avenging to a small town simple life to something that had nothing to do with the sweet girl in bed giving him the most delightful cuddles he could've ever wanted.

You knew he was enjoying spending time with you even if his mind was up in the clouds, his hand that never stopped drawing shapes into your back told you that loud and clear.

"What are you thinking about, love?" You asked.

He let out a sigh and his eyes never left the ceiling, then his lips pressed into a straight line, then a forced grin and he finally looked at you. "What do we do if we can't find a way to undo what Thanos did?"

"What do we do," You motioned to the two of you "or what do the Avengers do?"

"Both. Either." He said, desperate to hear the right answer he couldn't find.

"Well I think both have the same answer." You shrugged. "Acceptance, then moving on."

He gave you the most adorable stink eye you've ever seen, so cute you had to hold back a giggle. "Why does everyone say that?"

"You preach it every time you hold a support group, no?" You questioned.

"That's different."

"How so?"

"Civilians aren't responsible for what happened, they deserve to live their lives exactly how they would if this never happened." He explained.

Whenever he spoke about the situation, you could feel a genuine pain in your chest. His feelings about the snap were like a rollercoaster. Some days, he could see the benefits, he could almost understand why Thanos did what he did. He could go about his day with acceptance, go to sleep with the intention of continuing to rebuild tomorrow. Then sometimes he'd wake up that next morning feeling the weight of every blipped person on his shoulders. As if he was the one who decided this needed to happen. That weight seemed to double every time he was in New York.

So with an ache in your heart, you tried to put a bandage over his. "Right now are you looking for the truth, or are you looking for reassurance?"

He groaned at your level-headedness, before shoving his face into your neck. "I'm looking for anything or anyone to just tell me it's going to be okay."

Understanding now that he needed reassurance instead of actual logical advice, you caressed the back of his head with your hand and used your other arm to hold him safe and sound against you. "Of course it's going to be okay, sweet boy.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be so... grim, I just- I have to be strong all day every day for everyone else and sometimes you're the only one who can be strong for me." He admitted.

You kissed the top of his head a few times before providing the words he probably really needed to hear. "Life was okay yesterday, and the day before that, and it'll continue being okay tomorrow, and every day after that just like it has been for the past five years. Nobody blames you for what happened, and all of you guys deserve to move on too, not just civilians. The ground is still under your feet, the sky is still above your head and I'll never leave your side. The sun and moon are still taking turns, so I'm pretty confident when I say that everything is fine."

"That was great" Steve mumbled into your neck.

"Yeah? You feel any better?" You questioned with a smile.

"Mhm, I'm gonna use that in the support group tomorrow."

You smiled, though he couldn't see it before squeezing the back of his neck. "I love you, you're not going to bring back half the population from bed."

"I love you too, should I get up?"

"Go to sleep" You whispered directly into his ear, earning his sweet laugh that you loved so much.

"You first, traitor." Steve said playfully.

"Traitor?! Why am I a traitor?" You asked, feigning offense.

"You we're cuddling Natasha and not me." Steve fake cried.

You laughed before stating "Excuse me?! You've kissed Nat before, so I don't want to hear anything about my cuddles, sir!"

"Ugh?!" Steve was immediately taken back. "She kissed me and it was for a mission! Don't even start with that!"

You couldn't help but continue laughing at how flustered that statement made him. "Poor, Stevie! Your cheeks are so pink."

"I miss 10 seconds ago when you didn't bring that up." He pouted, a smile prevailing past his attempts to pretend like this conversation wasn't funny. "It was a life or death escape situation and we've never done anything romantic since then, okay?"

"I'm not bothered, baby" You continued smiling while prying his hands away from covering his face. "Were your bothered by our cuddles?"

"No, not at all." He denied. "I actually thought it was really adorable, I was just joking."

"And I think it's really cute that you and Nat shared a smooch" You pinched his cheek between two fingers.

"She implied that I was a bad kisser, by the way." Steve giggled. "So, neither of us enjoyed that experience."

You laughed at the confession before cooing, "awww poor, Stevie. Did that hurt your pride?"

"It wasn't a fair assessment, I wasn't ready for it." He defended himself.

"Exactly, you're a great kisser." You smoothed over the review that obviously stuck around with him for a while. "I know from experience!"

"Thanks, Baby. I appreciate your input on the matter." He gave your hip a nice squeeze.

"I'll be sure to talk to Nat about it in the morning to try and sway her opinions on it ." You joked.

"Absolutely do not do that" His eyebrows raised in horror.

You laughed once more before cupping his face and laying a long one on him. "I would never."

"Good, cause I think the sleepiness has taken over the both of our brains and made us a little crazy." He smiled.

You rested your head back onto its rightful spot on his shoulder, your hand rested over his heart and his free hand that wasn't on your back lovingly wrapped around your wrist. "Are you going to be able to shut your brain off long enough to fall asleep?"

"Of course" He appeased your worries about him. "I always sleep well when you're with me. You're like a little sleeping pill, the second you fall asleep on me, you put me to sleep too."

"Cheese ball" You poked fun at him with a content smile as you closed your eyes and wrapped the blankets tighter around the both of you.

"I might be cheesy, but I always will be. And I'm proud of it!" He agreed.

"I love it so much." You admitted. "And I love you so much."

"I love you too." He kissed the top of your head. "Goodnight, Sunflower."

"Sweet dreams, Stevie."

Not even two whole minutes of silence and attempts at sleeping went by before Steve gasped.

"Wait... are you asleep?" He asked, using his hands to dramatically shake you. "Wake up! This is important!"

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" You alerted his urgency. "Jeez dude, you're scrambling my brain."

"Oh good! You're awake!" He said. You didn't have to see his face to know he was wearing a big sarcastic smile. Steve's favorite hobby was definitely being a little shit.

"What a blessing." You mumbled.

"I forgot to ask you out on a date tomorrow night!" He enthused.

"Sorry dude, I think we're better just as friends." You carried on the tradition of your favorite inside joke.

"Sooooooo... should I cancel the engagement ring?" He quipped.

Recently the two of you were talking about getting married a lot, and if there was two things you both agreed on it's that a marriage was definitely in the books for the two of you soon, and that being engaged should never be truly be a surprise. Sure, time and place of the proposal as a surprise was the fun part, but both of you setting clear intentions and a well timed future that flowed at a comfortable pace for the two of you was important.

"A date sounds great!" You overly enthused.

"Great! I made dinner reservations without asking first so I'm glad you said yes."

"Risky business, Rogers." You smiled.

"Okay now go to sleep." He giggled.

"You first..." You poked his chest with very low effort.

When the morning came, you were up and out way before Steve was to start your morning with Nat. She wanted to get back to the compound before a planned call with affiliates of the Avengers, so the two of you snuck out before most of the compound was awake. Much like most mornings when you woke up before Steve, you covered him up with the blankets nice and snug, kissed him goodbye, and wished him a great day.

A nice long walk and chat followed by coffee, breakfast, and a nice relaxing manicure had Nat feeling brand new.

You dropped her off at the compound then left again to meet up with a friend of yours that lived pretty close by. While catching up on each others lives for a few hours, Steve called you.

Figuring he didn't realize you were busy, you denied the call to clue him in to text you instead. You often times did this if he needed to get through to you at work. But this time, your sunflower necklace lit up four times, a number that didn't have a code attached, then your phone rang again.

Figuring it was probably important, you excused yourself and quickly picked up the call.

"Hi, baby." You spoke timidly into the phone.

"Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt I know you're busy." He sighed. You could tell by his tone that his brain was fried.

"No worries, is everything okay?" You questioned.

"Remember Scott Lang? Ant-Man?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah I do." You nodded though he couldn't see you. "He was blipped right?"

"You see, that's the weird part." Steve puffed out a confused chuckle. "He's at the compound. He just... showed up."

"What?!" You said louder than you probably should, earning weird looks from strangers around you.

"Yeah, he was stuck in the quantum realm and now he's here, and we think-" He started but cut himself off to think about how he was going to phrase this without worrying you.

But the pause was deafening. "You think what?"

"I think you should make your way back here whenever you're done with your friend so we can talk about it more."

"That sounds so scary" You admitted.

"No, everything is fine. I promise." He reassured you.

"Should I come home right now?"

"No, baby, it's okay" He tried to calm you down once again. "Nothing to be anxious about. I just think we need to visit Tony and get a few other ducks in a line and I want to make sure I can get you someplace safe before we start looking into this more."

"So you guys found some good hope?" You asked, this time with a smile knowing that's exactly what Steve needed.

"A lot of hope and possibly the craziest pipe dream of all time, but we can get into that when you get here, okay?"

"Okay" You sighed. "Everyone's okay?"

"Everyone is fine." Steve smiled. "I want you to keep having fun with your friend. I'll see you later."

"See you soon. Love you"

"Love you too."

Though he tried his hardest to reassure you that everything was fine, you couldn't clear your head of the endless possibilities of what this could mean for the future of the whole universe. Those thoughts didn't even allow you to fully appreciate or give your undivided attention to your friend, so you called it a day as soon as you could. And when you arrived back at the compound, you immediately spotted Steve sitting outside on a bench.

You could tell his mind was occupied by a billion racing thoughts, his breathing was steady and there was a pinch in his brows.

Approaching slowly and sitting next to him, he wrapped you up in a side hug before kissing your temple and letting you go. "What's going on, Honey?"

He sighed in appreciation as your hand found its way to his back, rubbing long, firm strips up and down to comfort him. "We think we can time travel."

"What?" Your hand stopped in place.

"Go back in time before Thanos, get the stones from a bunch of different points in time, snap again." Steve explained like it was the most simple idea in the world.

"But..... how?" You we're blown away by the possibility, but the biggest part of you was terrified of what that meant for him, the world, and the entire future.

"Something to do with pym particles and a quantum tunnel, I don't really understand it." Steve explained, his mind was wandering miles away from him. "We have Bruce en route to work on that, but we're going to get Tony. Try to assemble the whole team again."

You didn't quite have the words at the moment, nor the time to even process this as a possibility. Whenever you couldn't quite grasp a concept that was much larger than you, but whenever you felt so tiny in the vastness of the universe, Steve was always there to put you on his shoulders and make you feel big again. "How do you feel about this?"

"I feel ready to just get it done." He explained.

"Are you scared?" You plopped your head down onto his shoulder, he nestled his cheek into the crown of your head.

"No" He denied softly. "Are you?"

"If you're not then I'm not" You smiled. That was a lie, but you always tried to not burden him with your own fears.

Though letting him out of your grasp and straight into battles often appeared in your own nightmares, you reeled in your feelings as to not disrupt his own peace. As often as you wanted to tell him to be careful, beg him not to do risky things like go to space in a ship being piloted by a raccoon to kill a titan that killed half the universe, you trusted him. His entire life was rich with risk assessment that only made him more and more successful the more he lived.

So if he wasn't scared, you'd try not to be either.

"Well, maybe that's a lie. Maybe I am a little scared." Steve retracted his statement.

"Well shit" You joked, earning a laugh from the sweet man.

"I'm scared it's not going to work, and I'm scared of putting anything on the line when my only goal for the future is a life with you." He admitted. "Everything else, I'm not scared of."

This time, your arms wrapped him up and didn't let him go. He was letting his Steve Rogers shine through in a place you typically only saw Captain America. Though he would argue that those two people were the same, you thought he was so very wrong.

Steve was still the little guy he once was. Sensitive and gentle, he'd cry over videos of cute animals doing cute things, decorate cookies with you and asked to be cuddled for as long as he could get you to stay still. But Cap... Cap was strong. Nothing could tear him down. When the uniform was on or public and teammates eyes were on him, he had to be the leader. He stood tall, refused to shed a tear regardless of any circumstance thrown his way. Everyone looked at him to guide them through.

You loved both versions of him, and both were truthful of his character, but it was also true that Steve was a version of himself he was only comfortable showing to the people he loved the most.

So you gave Cap the space he needed to be firm and strong, and gave Steve the space he needed to be vulnerable. Sometimes that looked like a little snuggle on a bench outside of the Avengers compound.

Very surface level and as deep down as could be, he knew that Cap couldn't be the fighter he was without you nurturing Steve. He was strong because you were compassionate, and everyday he amounted his power to you.

"I love you so very much," you started.

"But?" He raised an eyebrow, already anticipating the kicker.

"But doing this is exactly what you need in order for you to live the life you want." You explained. "You and I both know you'd live the entire rest of your life with guilt if the Avengers don't find a way to fix this. And though I don't agree that any of this is your fault, I know you feel that burden every single day. So in a certain way, I think for once, this is a great fight for yourself."

He sat and considered it for a second. "I don't have it in me to fight for myself, so I'm going to consider this a fight for you."

"A happy, relaxing future with you is all I want." You kindled his fire. Though you wished he could fight for himself, any incentive to get him through would work in this moment. "And i'd love to see Sam again and meet Bucky."

"I miss them so much" Steve stated, you could hear the sadness in his voice.

You lifted your head to give him a kiss. Your soft lips mingled for a little while before pulling away and resting your forehead against his. "Everything is going to be okay."

"I think so too" He agreed.

"And if it doesn't pan out the way you all hope, then I hope you know that everything will be okay that way too."

"Well that's not an option." He gently shook his head.

"Hard headed!" You pulled away and raised your hand to gently poke him right in the center of his forehead. He laughed, knowing his words would irritate you. "You drive me crazy!"

"I love driving you crazy" His smile prevailed.

"Really? I couldn't tell." You said sarcastically, feeling the effects of his contagious smile.

"And I'd love it even more if I can keep annoying you on our date tonight." He brought up.

"Stevie" Your face softened. "We can reschedule that if you need to, you know I understand."

"No, I definitely don't want to cancel that." He denied firmly. "Not to bring up the past or anything, but the last time I rescheduled a date it didn't turn out too well for me."

"Awwwww" You cooed. "Classic Cap history"

"Yeah, and we're rewriting it because I'm not doing that again" he said with a chuckle.

"I'm more than happy to help you out with that" You agreed, giving his leg a little squeeze. "How's Scott doing? I'm sure this is a lot to process."

"He seems to be doing alright, but that leads me to something Nat and I talked about that I wanted to present to you."

"What's up?"

"It's no secret that you're kind've one of the most amazing and comforting humans alive, and we were supposed to go home in 2 days but..." He took a moment to find the right words. "I'm my best when you're around, and whether you've noticed or not, everyone is happier when you're here. So we were wondering if you could stay a little longer just to kinda help keep spirits up. I know you have the bakery at home but it could be a pretty crucial part in saving half the world."

"I can't imagine I'd have any crucial part in any of that, but I'll stay for you alone." You giggled.

"Obviously I'll bring you home before the time travel happens because it's such unknown territory, I'd want you far away from the compound. But we're going to bring everyone we've got here, including Thor who we heard is going through a rough patch. I think your love would go a far way."

"And cookies" You grinned.

"Cookies would definitely help."

"Can Rocket eat chocolate chips?" You pondered.

"He's a raccoon, not a dog." Steve reminded you.

"That doesn't answer my question." You eyebrow raised. "What about Nebula? Do cyborgs eat food? Ooh! I know Bruce likes chocolate, and Tony likes hazelnut because they had those Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavors so maybe I'll make Nutella cookies so it's the best of both worlds. Do you know what Rhodey likes? I have Nat covered. Thor probably li-"

"Baby, Baby" Steve cut you off with a giggle. "Don't stress yourself out now. You're not here to take care of us, just keep being you"

"This is me." You laughed. "Have you ever seen me not like this?"

"You know what? That's fair." He agreed.

"Ooh! And I bet Nat knows exactly what Clint would want!" You chirped. "...I should call the bakery..."

Next Part: Crawl Home to You

Tag List: @patzammit @bemysugarbean @buckymydarlingangel @happinessinthebeing @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @differenttyphoonwerewolf @themotherof10 @talesofadragon @spikeluv84 @royalwriteroftheuniverse @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bitchy-bi-trash @crazyunsexycool @openup-yourmind @selella @kattreffic @benedict-squirtle @magnificentsaladllama @theroyalmanatee @calwitch @avengersinitiative2012 @rogersbarber @daddywattpad4945

[zedd364]

happy new year!

here's a collection of trad art I never got to post/forgot to post/was too embarrassed to post ft. my silly little ramblings 😆

(note: artist is VERY embarrassed to post these, but, he has to anyway, for the sake of it 🤫🧏‍♂️)

this is Collection 2, consists of old oc art (coupled with lore ramblings), and an assortment of more doodles and attempts, along with concepts

this is Zedd

no, not the same guy I use as my purple-themed oc/persona online, he's actually red-themed, and also, has square eyes

(oh boy, the lore is definitely gonna get convoluted later down the line, but, moving on 💀)

ahh, now this big handsome guy right here

his name is Braun >:)

he's my favorite big buff devil oc that I made

him and Zedd are really close

as you can see, he is the scrunkly blorbo

I've yet to draw an amount of him 😔💖✨

this was me during artblock 💀

dawg, I was literally tweakin, fuckin, I literally could not draw shit 🗿

first and second attempts of drawing Jason

oh these have already been posted on my blog before, but, I still wanted to include them in this collection

besides, this time, I had properly edited them with a color filter >:)

I didn't want to include this, but GAUAHAHSJSK, HE LOOKED SO STUPID SILLY AND FUNNY 😭😭😭

(I was trying to practice when I made this thing, I do loose attempts on a different page whenever I'm working on a trad piece, cuz it helps plan my process and lessen erasures 🤫🧏‍♂️)

so, The Noise Update huh? pretty cool stuff >:)

on a side note, wish Tumblr had a yellow text option 🤔

concept I had in mind

imagine how badass it would be if you and Dark were able to fuse and stuff 👀✨

(definitely not foreshadowing my future plans once I finally start working on my concepts 😆)

another concept I had in mind, back in the middle of the year when I became a fan

imagine a variant of Dark, with red eyes instead of blue, and a bad ending

if he never got to overcome his insecurity

if he really believed he was what people say he is

IT'S THE FANCY MAN HIMSELF 🗣️🔥💥✨

I could draw him better though, but, that's for something later down the line 🤫🧏‍♂️

I still really love Brad's silly little fancy stickfigure game >:)💖✨

more sadge 😔

me and my two personalities on the daily

see guys? I told you they were different 🤭

okay but fr though, there are two Zedds in my silly little fictional universe, they both represent me in certain ways and my personality

while they look exactly the same, key details to tell them apart is:

Red Zedd has square eyes, and sharper hair

Purp Zedd has semi-circle ones, and he also has eye wrinkles all the time

the reason there's two of them is because:

one has pre-fixed oc lore already

and the other was made as a self-insert vessel for me

"why couldn't you have just made them look more different from one another, and change the other one's name?" because I don't want to, and frankly, the convolution and confusion is kind of silly 😤✨

I've still yet to draw the both of them more 👁️👁️

Jason doodles/attempts

I like him a lot, even though he's gonna force me to learn anatomy properly soon, just for his sake 😆

some Bob practices

gosh, the second one, he looks like a professor 😭💀

aaand, that's about it 😳

you can view the next or previous collections here:

Collection 1

Collection 3

[herotome]

Devlog #125

Hi-ho, Wudge here! Gosh! I missed last week's update.

Happy holidays from Herotome!!

I haven't drawn anything this year-- oh but hmm, I could do a quick edit, here -

Tadah! For anyone who hasn't already seen it, we got those 50 reblogs to make Warden shirtless! A pure version without the christmas lights went up yesterday, just scroll down my blog a bit or check out the #ro: warden hashtag.

I'm pleased with how much mileage I'm already getting from this picture, ha.

Anyway.

Seems like I'm gonna be focused on writing new scenes and drawing expressions for a while. They're some of the more tedious tasks for me, so I'll certainly be looking for every opportunity to do other things on the side - like coding.

Today I've decided that the LI sprites should have their eyebrows on a separate layer from the rest of their face, to offer me the greatest amount of variety in creating new expressions - and I've come up with a naming system for it, too!

I'm looking forward to implementing this. Eyebrow shapes have much, much less variety compared to mouth shapes, so I might even finish drawing every possible eyebrow for every LI sometime soon. I've already gotten a strong start with Warden and Mia's eyebrows.

Speaking of, I did turn in more expressions over on Ko-Fi!

Tadah!! Thank you again to everyone who has donated so far!

I'm realizing that in the set dedicated to Dia, Warden and Mia have the same mouth shape on the upper right side... A fascinating subconscious decision on my part.

Outside of art, I did write... once. Er, it went pretty okay. I'm usually the biggest hater of my first drafts.

I think my goal is gonna be to show off the abilities of all the characters as equally as I can; Warden and Jade have had their time to shine (during the job fair and flying MC home, respectively), and I think MC, Griffin, and Mia are gonna be queued up next.

I'll put the rest under a cut for potential spoilers and further rambling - as always, if you don't see the cut, make sure to check out my blog directly!

I have a good idea of what I wanna do with Griffin (it may or may not involve obliterating your rent debt, and I may or may not have written about that in the first-draft-I-don't-hate).

I've been thinking that this scene would involve a change of clothes btw, and did some fashion concepts for Griffin that I also don't hate;

I'm not super sure what I'm gonna do for Mia's eventual ~special show-off scene~, but I'm sure it will come to me.

For MC, I want to show off her relationship with the city, and showcase how qualified she is for the job in a low-key way. I recently discussed with a friend how Men in Black is a huge source of inspiration for me... Y'all know the scene where Will Smith has his interview and did things differently from all the other candidates?? I kinda wanna capture that vibe...!

And ah... I think that's about it, Herotome-wise.

Wudge-wise, honesty hour - I've had ssssome mild health concerns this year.

I don't want to go into detail; I want to say it's been like... nothing life threatening, thankfully, but a lot of small physical inconveniences that pile up and make it harder to concentrate.

I did rest a lot last week so no worries. <3 It's just that parts of my body have been weird and annoying, and I think it's helpful to acknowledge that the flesh prison can be a weird and annoying place. But I value it! And I'm doing my best to take care of it. Health comes first, etc, etc.

With this new year, I hope you guys take care of yourselves as best as you can, too. The person who's most qualified to take care of you is you!!!

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[shepscapades]

shep, i've been scrolling through your blog for like a week now and can i just. can i just say that your work is amazing. like absolutely stunning and terrific and FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!

like do you know how much artistic motivation your art gives me at just a glance????!??!?!?!!??!?!????? IT'S INSANE I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS DETERMINED TO MAKE A PIECE OF ART IN LIKE SO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your comics inspire the HELL out of me and i've finally started to write down my song-linked ideas!! your style is so so so sos ososo oso soosooSOOSOOO OOSOSOO SO good and i aspire to liken my own to yours (the anatomy AAHGAUGUHGHH)!!!

you've sufficiently given me like three lifetimes' worth of hermitcraft-brainrot lmao!! just- THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO!! x100000

(also, it's my birthday, so can i get a happy birthday please..?? :'D thanks in advance!!!!)

HAVE A GOOD 24 HOURS!!!! <3

-aster anon

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! oh my gosh :(((((( my face just kept getting more and more pathetic the more i read :((( Thank you so so much, this all means so much to me ;O; You're very very sweet and the kind words are so!! so :( The hermitcraft brainrot is so real, I'm so glad I can infect others with it!! hehe <3 And everything about the motivation is just so meaningful to me-- i create to share my passions and love for stuff with others and it just makes me so happy that others get so much out of it, it's like my love letter to you all is making a difference, even if in just in the littlest of ways. Idk!! i feel so soft and happy, thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me!!

I hope you have an amazing birthday, and cheers to your artmaking!! :D <3

[decembercamiecherries]

20 questions for fic writers

No one tagged me to do this lol but I saw it on someone else's blog and thought it was really cool! And I'm trying to get better at being proud of my writing so here I am doing it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

125

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,205,862......wow that is a lot more than I expected

3. What fandoms do you write for?

It's mostly hxh, but this year and last I've been dabbling in other fandoms like MDZS and Hazbin Hotel

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Words That Water Flowers - HxH, killugon, hanahaki au

Running Start - HxH, killugon, high school soulmate au

Sleepover x At x Wing's - HxH, killugon, post-canon au

Match Point - HxH, killugon, high school au

Make x It x Everlasting - HxH, killugon canon & post-canon au

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to but I have a hard time staying on top of them so I mostly just respond to comments on fics I've recently posted haha ^^; but I love comments it always makes my day to receive one!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

For HxH, it's probably: The Soulmate Phenomenon - modern soulmate au in which Killua rejects Gon being his soulmate Time x Bomb - canon au in which Killua is taken by Pitou instead of Kite For non HxH, I would say Statues which is a she-ra fic in which Adora dies and Catra ends up living at Bright Moon with her grief.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh gosh the happiest??? I write a lot of happy endings but purely happy fics are a little harder to come by so I'm just going to focus on HxH fics: After x Glow - post canon aged up au of Gon and Killua cuddling nothing else but you - modern au in which upcoming musician Gon visits his long distance boyfriend Killua during the holidays Shotgun Lovers - modern au in which Gon proposes to Killua after a month of dating

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not often but there's been a few comments here and there about elements in my fics that some people didn't like. A lot of people were unhappy with Time x Bomb so that's probably the one I've gotten the most hate for.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lol yeah I have but only with friends as an rp sort of thing and that was yearsssssss ago.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't write a lot of crossovers but I think my daemon au series is the closest I've got? It's basically just HxH but with daemons from the His Dark Materials series.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of and I hope I never will!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had a couple of very nice people reach out to me, I'm honored that people liked my fics enough to want to translate some of them.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Only in an rp sense

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Killugon, obviously haha XDDDD the only other ships I would consider to be my otps are usuk (Hetalia) and gamkar (Homestuck)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Wild Card and Gold Stained Blue TTT^TTT The Wild Card is a hetalia cardverse au that was my first attempt at a multichapter fic and I just don't have the energy to continue it any more. I'm planning to post a final summary of the ending so at least it will have some closure for readers. Gold Stained Blue is a killugon musician au written out in like bullet point form across three different google docs because it's so ridiculously long. I never got to post any of it because I was too tired after typing all the bullets out so rip. Maybe one day I will post the rough draft just for fun lol.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good with dialogue and also one shots. I love writing requests too because I get to create a whole story that has to be told in just a few paragraphs.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not too great with worldbuilding or coming up with non-prompt ideas. I always feel like my more original stuff doesn't make sense and it's too exhausting to flesh out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's cool but I wouldn't do it again for a fic of my own because I can only speak english and I do not want to butcher another language haha

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Maybe....sharkboy and lavagirl??? I loved that movie a ridiculous amount haha. But the first fandom I posted anything for online was Hetalia.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is so impossible to answer aaahhhhhh! I have a soft spot for all my long multichapter fics (Words That Water Flowers, Graffiti, Swan Feathers, Waiting On You) but my the most fun one shots were the most indulgent ones (5 Times Gon Was Jealous, steal x your x breath) and I also like how painting flowers for you turned out since it was a very different fic than my usual ones.

I'm just going to tag all the fic writers on here that I know! So @xyliane, @cyberflamingo, @storybookprincess, @fireolin, @autumnxsunflower and @murderkitten666! No pressure of course if you don't want to do this ^-^

[tewwor]

 🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒  🍒 

send🍒 for nice words >:) ( accepting ) — whoever sent this, ilu

anon, you're so goated 4 this. gotta crack my hand knuckles and brain knuckles for this because WHEW....... i do have that many folks i'd love to yap about in no particular order. also, this is so long — that's my only warning ❤️️

🍒 @desalvar idc if we've only written 1 thing together. i don't care if we haven't chatted an exuberant amount. i'm here to say i love nik sm and i love how passionate you are about him. those hcs i see floating around? eat them up instantly. i cannot wait to yap and explore more no matter how long it takes!!!!!!

🍒 @interxstitial YAINT SLICK. I SAW THAT OTHER ASK SO I MUST PUT YOU ON BLAST about how much i've come to cherish you. fr fr i haven't hehe'd haha'd with a relatively newish mutual this fast in a Long time. but you take the cake. the entire bakery, even. the way you just... okay, look, i said it literally when i first imed you, but your verses are so CHEFS KISS GOOD. THE WAY YOU WRITE IS SO INCREDIBLY GOOD. JIWON AS A ENTIRE CHARACTER IS SO SENSATIONAL.

you're so silly, he's so silly, we're all so silly together. the marked literally became a whole ass community because of your enthusiasm. it genuinely encouraged me to not hold back and continue to yap about all of their stupid nuanced dynamics. and the way we have soooooo many threads together, but they all feel different? juniper's just babey!!!! he's the marked's babey!!!!! don't even get me started on ravi.... i did not think anyone would pick him up by the scruff and hang onto that bro frat man bro. hes so ridiculous but you RAN WITH IT AND WE KEPT SPRINTING. you're amazing, i'm so so happy i followed you all those months ago ❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️

🍒 @gollldrush okay, not going to lie. you're currently an inspiration for my writing. there, i said it. you're so well-rounded with so many genres — like how can you write the most visceral angst, fluff, action, and eerily atmospheric threads? hello? i'm knocking on your blog door, teach me?????? i absolutely adore leo and ellory both SO much. but the way you write rilen specifically has me fascinated.

also, not to mention, it's a field day to chat with you in the best way possible. you're SO nice and you, too, have contributed greatly to the inner dynamics of the marked. i can't wait to see what other shenanigans we come up in the future ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

🍒 @justsurvival KEVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh. DARN. sorry if this comes across as too much, but i was so incredibly excited to see you back. would also like to thank the stars for aligning, because i literally got flashbacks to hatsune miku ORYN THE OTHER DAY OUT OF NOWHERE? the picture... haunts me....... anyways. you're a phenomenal writer across the board. you're so fun to chat with and your creativity's off the fucking charts. when i said i couldn't pick who to write a starter for, i meant it. the concepts are all so GOOD it amkes me ( wails on the floor )

🍒 @cordoliae vic, this is my official appreciate blog post tweet story. i cannot for the life of me... even begin to explain / do justice to how wonderful you are. like, as a person AND a writer — i am bowing down at the steepest degree. your writing is TOP TIER and it has influenced my writing so, so much. a lot of the prosier things i type has 10000% been from our earlier threads where mister no-good chanyeol plonked himself in baby jail to bother THE love his life 💗

also, idk if i've ever told you this but i got into botw because of you. like off to the sidelines, i got that game to relive some nostalgia and try to understand that world more and got dunked into getting lost in everything for an eternity. i would also like to POINT OUT that your understanding of ANY canon you write floors me. vincenzo? that's quite literally him pulled from the kdrama itself. BONGGIL? THAT'S HIM DIRECTLY FROM THE SCREEN ITSELF — ACTUALLY? I would like to also point out how ecstatic i was when you reached out about mutually loving exh.uma. i quite literally haven't tunneled that fast before, and while my focus is severally scattered right now — the best shamans are still in my brain. also, you're one of the 3 people that got me into op, so thank you sm for that ♡♡

🍒 @huntershowl ( kicks thru the wall big bird style ). raine... you.. i cannot describe everything i adore about you, but i sure can try. let's get the obvious out of the way, alright? seph, the creature that you are........ fantastic.. feral..... so for real with the cards you've been dealt............. i want to dub you and seph as THE ones that got me to progress jie so much. also litho HELLO? NOT TO DRAG THAT BEATEN HORSE BACK IN but i'm so serious when i say this, he's like so close to being a single ship with seph. highkey the reason why he only crawls out of his stupid cave when seph's around. it still might end up happening, but either way — the influence and sheer devotion and love he has for seph clocks me over the head every single time.

NOW FOR THE NEWERISH DEVELOPMENT. i might not be immersed in jj.k and only have a pinky toe dipped into wb / bn.ha BUT i know you're taking everything and everyone by storm. anytime i see one of your posts about anxiety ( which is so totally understandable ), i'd like to try and reassure you that there's an entire group of folks that love and adore your version of canons and ocs. and if anyone else tries to muck around like a fucking buffoon, i'll send a mathematical plague upon them i s2g

🍒 @xinxiins this is my confession.... not featuring usher, hi, it's just me. i'm clearing out the entire room to say that you have reconnected jie with his culture and i am so forever grateful for that. his slice of life verse version is currently hibernating, but i Did Not Forget about our yapping and immersion in a community he so desperately wanted to be a part of. and as someone that's also struggled with that connection, i thank you so so so SO much from the bottom of my heart. it's truly so incredibly special to have experienced that, and i hope to continue that in the future!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO, YOUR WRITING IS BREATHTAKING. I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A GIVEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT ANYWAYS. AND YOU'RE A GEM TO TALK TO ❣❣❣❣❣❣❣

🍒 @fangmother don't mind me scooting on by, but hi, yes, hello. i know we recently started to interact, but a) love the way you write b) love the lore you have surrounding rainer b.1) i was so immersed reading up on her bio / verses — like, truly, thank you for the meal c) cannot wait to explore more dynamics because already, i'm buckled up for more replies and will eventually reach out just to yap yap yap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🍒 @miidnighters brodie.... 100 golden stars for you. just.. gosh..... i can say with full confidence, i will never tire of your characters ever. i don't care if we have a million dynamics with the x amount of characters i have. i still want more!!!!!!!!! you're so talented. honestly very inspirational. idr if i told you this before, but you are also 100000% part of the reason why i got so involved with the marked. OH? ALSO? LETS NOT FORGET HARBORVIEW TOO? before the marked consumed me BUT HELLO???? FLYNN IS HARBORVIEW'S COLLECTIVE GROWN MAN BUT ALSO BABEY. ahem, anyways, i've learned so many new things about my own characters because of our interactions. and i always, always wish the best for you / am so grateful we're pals.

🍒 @catfcng going to be so fr, idk most of the fandoms you run with but i want to ( eventually )!!!!!!!!!! there's just something so captivating with the way you write and bring attention to your characters in the best way possible. also? your blog's entire aesthetic is So Good. i hope to write more with you and will always cheer loudly from the sidelines !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wri0thesley]

i have received a plethora of lucas asks recently, answering them all beneath the cut because i do sometimes still feel a tiny bit guilty oc-posting too much here!

general cws for cannibalism and murder and yandere, also cws beneath the cut for menstruation and emetophobia!

I do not know enough about Minecraft to let you know if this is possible! Games with no internet connection on consoles that have no internet connection might be permissible, if he thinks you're well-behaved and deserve a reward - but otherwise, I'm afraid you are Out Of Luck. Perhaps ask him to buy you Lego instead.

Lucas would have burnt her with the boiling water, probably - or pinched her nose until she'd have no option but to open her mouth. Usually, being angry makes him enter a kind of fugue state - he's surprisingly in control of himself during that punishment, but only because reader is well-behaved. If they continued to disobey him, there's no telling how mad he might have gotten!

And gosh. That sounds awful. I chose that punishment specifically because I thought it could be explained away if indeed that reader ever had to return to the hospital - but honestly? Lucas enjoys being a caretaker. Making a reader so terribly dependent on him wouldn't be that much of a burden. He'd probably not go about it the right way - his medical expertise is mostly what might happen on a battlefield - but he'd not be all that angry about a darling who couldn't speak any longer.

@drabblesandimagines hello! Welcome to my Other Blog fgbknjfng. Ostensibly this is my writing blog and the other blog is my OC/Art blog but sometimes those things overlap and such is the nature of things! I am very happy my Awful Cannibal Man has made himself at home, it makes me feel very happy when people are interested in my OCs! ;w;

It is always so funny to me how often you all seem to want to have Lucas take care of you during your periods. I mean, he'd be good at it! The man is whipped for his darling, it's one of his very few redeeming qualities (in between the anger and the murder and the cannibalism). I don't think he'd nap with you - he's not one for taking middle of the day naps! - but he'd absolutely hold you and whisper tender things and take care of you whilst you napped.

I don't think I could be with Lucas because I need the internet to live. I would be bouncing off the walls due to my need for wi-fi. He'd also be dealing with my at my Worst (off my medication) so I fear he'd simply just Murder Me Due To My Own Annoyingness.

Hello anon! I honestly don't think it's something that would register with him; he doesn't much care about that kind of personal appearance. The most he's likely to do is want to choose reader's clothing (he prefers cute, modest and traditional styles - cotton dresses with embroidery and such for femme darlings, trousers and shirts and such for masc darlings). I've mused on him with other's OCs with plenty of piercings before, he's mostly unbothered by them - he might not clock that they're for cultural reasons, but he does listen to his darling when they talk so he'd be happy enough to learn. Provided the explanation is couched in the vague and not particular moments of their life Before Him!

@carnalcannibal0

He might not realise it was an allergy to begin with! When one starts to eat something as different as human meat, they often have a bad reaction to start with - he's quite used to his darling being sick or needing to throw up after their first few meals. He does generally start with small portions - so he'd absolutely be trying to get one 'accustomed' to it!

If the sickness doesn't abate, he might start to worry. He wouldn't jump to an 'allergy' unless they told him - but the first option he'd try would be various new ways of cooking it, using various different cuts of the human in order to see if there are different reactions (more/less fatty parts, for instance!). He hates waste. Worst comes to worst, he won't make reader eat meat - but they might start to have other issues due to lack of meat in their diet (he's not letting them eat animal for anything). And, naturally, he's still eating it and he's still expecting them to help cook it!

[transguyjesus]

GOSH it has been ages since I've done an update. I've just been so out of it due to many happenings and also because I moved the blog to a different account.

SO. I went off T about a year ago.

When I first started, i knew that there was a possibility that i'd want to go off eventually for different reasons. Months into hrt one of them became obvious: I was producing way too much blood. By the second year i was going to need to get my blood drawn ever few months to keep me at healthy levels. Due to other reasons, (mainly the pandemic) i was forced to stop before that happened.

But when i started back up, desperate for the changes i needed (deep voice and facial hair were always my priority) the blood became a concern again. So by the third year, i had to start getting my blood drawn every few or so months, just as me and my doctor had thought.

I also started losing way too much hair. My hair was thinning FAST and I thought i was prepared to go bald for the sake of my dysphoria but it turns out I wasnt. I didnt like, cry about it, but i realised that it bothered me way too much.

So I thought for a LONG WHILE and ultimately came to the conclusion that, well, my beard has filled up quite nicely, i even get healthy envious comments from cis dudes about it, my voice is quite deep and with voice training i can get it even deeper if i want to. I am definitely planning on going back to working out when i find both the time and the place, and i dont think i want to have much more hair on my back, i already have some nice patches on my shoulders and my chest and stomach are also covered in a decent amount of hair.

I decided to try it out. If i hated it, I could always go back on T.

A bit over a year since my last shot, this is what's happened:

-My voice can still go just as deep as ever, but now it's easier to also go into higher ranges. I suspect, with some light voice training, I'll have a pretty wide range and that pleases me, as I love to sing.

-I started bleeding again only two months ago. I was dreading this, as it was a huge GD inducer. But it was just meh. I really think that my mental state regarding myself helps with this. I am so comfortable in my body now, as a man who happens to have these parts, that thinking of myself as "a dude who menstruates" is just whatever now. Being able to look in the mirror with how T changed some of my facial features and gave me a nice beard DEFINITELY helps, though lmao

-My hair stopped thinning. And it's growing back a little, so far just enough to cover the worst of it. I know it will not grow back completely and i don't want it to. I just want to be able to keep my hair for at least another decade without any bad balding.

-i have not yet seen any significant change in fat distribution. My hips are still smaller than my shoulders and my waist is still bigger than it was pre-T. I hope me eventually getting back into regular excercise will help me keep it that way.

-About that last bit, my chest was always pretty small. I was very lucky in that regard. Pre-t it was still too much for me so i wore a binder daily. With fat redistribution it got smaller, i think both due to fat not depositing in there and because my shoulders got broader (i can fill up shirts i couldnt before). I'm still able to not bind. And i can comfortably walk around shirtless if i want to. This is very likely also due to higher confidence in myself. I don't think I'll go back to binding. It already damaged me enough. If for some curse my chest does get bigger I'll just hurry up the process and take a loan for top surgery.

-My beard, for some miracle, is STILL filling up. I recently noticed that it's covering a bigger area than before. This is likely to be from my PCOS, as even pre-T i had some very light facial hair (it was just enough to use mascara to darken it and pass it off as the weakest goatee in the world 🤣 but it made me happy back then. Wish i could show that little dude how he'll look 5 years later, his face would be AMAZING)

And that's about it, so far. I'm pretty ok with how things have turned out. I have to get some blood work done to check my hormone levels, I'll be updating how that's going. Will i go back on T? That's yet to be seen. Some days I feel like i want to go back on T right now. But pretty quickly i realise that no, I'm still good. It's very likely I'll go back on T in the future. How far? No idea. Could be next month. Could be next decade. But yeah. Off T for a year and I'm still no less a man. I'm very much still just Me.

I wanted to share this because it's part of my journey as a person and I also know many people think you can't go off hrt once you've started. I've seen enough people mocking others (specially binary trans people talking to nonbinary ppl) for planning on taking hormones only until certain changes happen and then stopping. I'm here, as a binary trans man, to say that's bullshit and you can do whatever you want.

I can't speak on estrogen hrt, but if you're afab planning on getting testosterone hrt for any reason, the only thing i advise if you're planning on going off after certain changes is to THOROUGHLY research what those changes will be. I've seen enough people complaining about bottom growth when that is ALWAYS the very first change. Nothing else happens as fast when you take T. Also Look at the men in your family. I was wholly, 100% aware i would go bald, i thought i was prepared for it due to knowing it would happen, but clearly i wasnt. Make an informed decision and listen to yourself if, like me, you initially thought you were Ok with a change you knew would come but when it happens you don't like it. It's ok. People change.

Be confident in yourself and your identity, nobody knows you better than you. Only you know what will make you happy.

[anonzentimes]

Don't cry, Zen! 😣

It sucks to see how people interpret Nagito in such a twisted way, even if it was supposed to be a joke. But as you said that people compliment you just for rambling about Nagito, your posts that you talk about him with so much love for him give me inner peace. I often see a lot of things about Nagito that differ from my interpretation, so I almost never check his tags on Tumblr. (Though I love to see fanart or read fanfics, as long as they match my interpretation). So blogs that I can read without worrying, like yours, are valuable to me.

Sorry this is not asking a question or anything! I just wanted to let you know that I always look forward to your posts. The image above is something I had in mind for quite a while when I saw your comment (you may be wondering when it was, but I don't remember either. lol). When I noticed that you used the sobbing emoji a lot, I came up with a composition of Nagito crying and Hajime soothing him. 😄

I hope it makes you smile, if only momentarily. Have a great day! :)

THIS IS SO ADORABLE!!! YOU JUST MADE MY DAY OH MY GOSH AHH THIS IS SO SWEET THIS MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!! Thank you so much, this makes me so unbelievably happy I'll be smiling about this for such a long time!! I'm really glad that you're able to enjoy my blog without worry, and the idea that it gives you inner peace is so sweet. The least I can do to express my love while having an outlet for the excess energy he gives me is by rambling about him, and I'm so happy that people adore the love I express and feel for him. The way I'm able to just speak from the heart about him and people enjoy it is such an amazing experience that I could have never expected!

Thank you again, your art is always so wonderful and I'm really grateful you sent this to me! I've been a a fan of your work since before you started seeing my posts, so when you started seeing them and sending asks I kind of freaked out haha! You're a really nice and talented person, I appreciate you a lot! 🩷🩷🩷

[soleillunne]

— happy new year everyone!

İ would like to start this by saying that while it hasn't been that long since I've been here I've had a great 2023 here and I've made lots of new friends that i would die for. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making this year great :) İ haven't been able to talk with you for some time and i hope to fix that soon so here are some people that helped me through 2023.

May 2024 be better for all of us <3

-Aly

@https-furina ; MY LOVE!! We haven't known each other for long, but you've managed to worm your way in my heart regardless. You've been there for me for the short time we've known each other and i can't express how much i appreciate everything you did for me. İ say this very often but I'm truly so happy i met you. You're the reason I'm still here, and you've made me feel happy, truly happy, for the first time this year. İ can't thank you enough.

@lillonvia ; LİLİ BELOVED!! Talking with you is so fun and there's never a dull moment with you and i love you so so much!! İ wish i could take away your problems so that you'd never frown again.

@umgatochamadopercyval ; CLARA!! we've known each other for a very very short time and i haven't been able to talk with you as much as I'd like but i will fix that this year (as soon as exams are over-) but i want you to know in the short time I've known you, you've always made me smile and i appreciate it more than i can express.

@idyllic-affections ; APHH Hİ!! thank you for always listening to my silly ideas and rambles and being patient with me <33 it's always a pleasure seeing you on my dash and you always make my day a lil bit better MWAH

@ilyuu ; YUİ SWEETHEART!! i love talking to you sm and it's been so long but just know my inbox is open whenever <33 i love whenever i talk to you bc you're so so energetic and it makes me feel happy that you're having fun when talking w me!!

@7kei-soft ; (i searched for your blog for like 15 minutes aya help me) you're one of my earliest mutuals here and i love talking with you!! Thank you for sticking w me through everything

@kopivie ; gosh it's been super long since i talked with you last but you hold a special place in my heart either way. İ understand life has been hard for you lately but my inbox is always open for you and I'm down to talk about anything!! İ hope 2024 treats you better (just like you deserve)

@supernova25 ; Hİ SWEETHEART!! you're so so fun to talk to and it always makes me smile whenever i see you on dash !!

@n3r0-1417 ; ARİİİ Hİ!! you're so so sweet and i love talking with you!! İ haven't been able to lately and I'm so sorry for that, but i promise I'll be back with chaos soon!!

@papiliotao ; REİ SWEETHEART!! You're like a sister to me and i love you so so much i hope you have the greatest year ever <33 not much to say right now but just know that I'll be in your inbox soon enough hehe

@delusina ; KAZU Hİ!! i know you probably won't see this now as you're taking a break however i just wanted to say thank you for all the times you've been here for me <33 I'll be here once you're back, so please take care of yourself !

@kazumist ; AKİ!! gosh i haven't talked with you since ebg i think and i miss you RAAAAA you're so sweet and i hope you're doing alright!!

@yaminohimeyume ; YUME YUME Hİ!! we haven't been mutuals that long but you're the sweetest ever and you're so so kind to me and i hope you know how much i appreciate it <33

@ryuryuryuyurboat ; RYUU Hİ!! we haven't been mutuals for long either but i love talking with you so much <33 I'll get to know you better this year trust

@nordicbananas ; SHROOM!! you've been here since i started writing, silently cheering me from the background and i can't thank you enough. Seeing you in my notifs always made me smile and kept me going when i felt like i no longer could.

@alexisomnias ; ALEXİS Hİ!! We haven't been able to talk in forever but I've always enjoyed talking with you!! You're so so sweet and i hope you never lose that spark <3

@mccnstruck ; ZEE!! Hi hi!! Talking with you is so fun and you're so so sweet AAA i don't have much to say for you but RAAAA İ GİVE KİTH

@mysnowmanandmebaby ; JO!! we haven't talked much on Tumblr but you keep sending me Xiao pics on discord and i scream everytime- cough i mean ahem (thank you <3)

@zhongrin ; miss Rin!! İ want to start by saying thank you for putting up with me bdndjd I'm a lot to handle sometimes but you're so kind to me aaaaa i love dropping by your cafe to talk with you sm and you always listen no matter what it's about i can't thank you enough <3

@m1shapanda ; MİSHAAAAAAA Hİ OMG HOW ARE YOU I'm so sorry i haven't been able to drop by and scream more often we'll have to fix that soon RAAAA

@dustofthedailylife ; we haven't talked much but i love stalking your blog when I'm bored enough /lh you're so sweet and so so kind (I'm just shy) but i hope I'll be able to talk w you more often this year!!

@mikacynth ; MİKA SWEETHEART it's been so long since i last saw you on dash and i hope life's treating you well !! İ hope you have a great new year bc you deserve it mwah!! Thank you for being there for me

@camvrin ; THE CHAOS CHİLD!! hi!! You're so chaotic i love it. You never fail to make me smile and i can talk about anything with you for hours on end. İt's always refreshing to talk with you as i never know where the conversation will go

@floraldresvi ; Vİ !! MY LİGHT!! The queen of selfship!! You're probably the reason i feel comfortable sharing selfship on this hellsite bc you never once judged me for it and I'm v v happy to see yours as well!! Flower anon made a bunch of appearances on my inbox this year and im keeping every single one and i appreciate it sm MWAH MWAH KİTH FOR YOU

@lovelyney ; hi fawn!! Confession time i actually screamed when you first followed me lmao it's been a while since we've talked but it's been so fun everytime we did!! Thanks for listening to my rambles !!

@i23kazu ; YİNGİEEEEE Hİ!! you're the sweetest person ever and you deserve the best and RAAAA i love you sm you're so so kind and i hope this year treats you well <3

[cosicas-cuquis]

I'm back!

Oh gosh, I'm so happy to be back after my account was terminated that I could cry, half of my queue is gone and I'm not even mad about it, I'm not going to try and recover what I've lost for the most part so a few fic series will be cut and another ones will start at the middle but I don't have memory enough to remember what I was reading because I have fanfiction queued until September.

It took so long that I was about to make a new blog, but I'm so glad I don't have to😭

Well, in all the time I've been in timeout I've read a bunch of books, watched Attack on Titan (it was so good, 100% worthy), like a 100 episodes of One Piece, 5 seasons of The Office and 5 episodes of Tracker before my computer decided to die😅����

Thank you so much for all the support💗

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey, Steph!! I've been following your blog for like four-ish years now and thanks for everything you do! <3 Though on another note, do you any other fandoms you're into except for Sherlock and Good Omens?? Have a great day/night!!

Hi Nonny!!

Oh, gosh, I'm into SOOOOO many fandoms. I actually started out as a wee lass as a Sonic fan, and aside from Sherlock, it's the longest-running fandom I've been active in (I was a "well known" fic writer in my teens and a fan-artist) I kind of left the fandom because of school and never went back in.

But yeah, I talk quite a bit about my fandom fave things, but CURRENTLY I'm obsessed with Disco Elysium and Loki. Both series I've read a lot of fics recently for, enough that I'll probably put out lists for.

BUT, I am a fan of A LOT of things, including but not limited to these fandoms that I lurk on the sidelines in, in no particular order:

Red Dwarf

Detroit Become Human

Moon Knight

Loki Series

Disco Elysium

Kingdom Hearts

Skyrim

Dragon Age

Sonic the Hedgehog

Doctor Strange

Avatar Last Airbender

Fruits Basket

Ranma 1/2

Lilo and Stitch (mostly Stitch, I am OBSESSED)

Darkwing Duck

Assassin's Creed

As I said above, Sonic is one of my oldest fandoms. I was very active in the community in the 90's and 00's, and then I went to school and never really clicked with them after. I have a long-semi-abandoned fic series I wrote called The Metallic Touch based loosely off of Sonic SatAM and the Archie Comics with inspiration from the Fleetway Comics. I'd love to finish it one day. I have the entire series plotted out on paper.

Kingdom Hearts is my favourite video game series. I have bought entire-assed systems and consoles JUST to play the newest games. I love almost all of them, and will usually replay them the most if I'm just DONE playing a bad string of games.

Skyrim is my second-favourite game, which I've replayed 3 times and NEVER completed, LOL. I love it so much though. I've got over 300 hours clocked into my last playthrough back when I was unemployed. I'm overdue for a replay.

Assassin's Creed series is my third fave; I got into it when I got my PS4 and there was a sale on the new-gen games Origins and Odyssey, so I bought them and ADORED them. Then I bought Valhalla and loved it, it's currently the record holder for "most hours in a game (458hrs). I really like it a lot. Then when I signed up for PS Plus, almost all of the Ubisoft catalogue is on there for members, so I just plowed through all of the titles available. The only one I haven't played at this point is the original AC because it was never made available. Black Flag I think is my fave. I am one of the few, it seems, who is SUPER PUMPED for Shadows. I am sad it got pushed back but hoping that means it won't be buggy.

Other video games are more "I'm obsessed in the moment and then I adore aspects of the games and that's what I focus on". With Disco Elysium, for instance, I'm OBSESSED with the dynamic of the characters and the world building, so I need more and more (and Kim's voice is yummy, but we won't talk about that LOL). And it's more or less a Sherlock AU which really appealed to me in the end, I think. The narrative RPG was a different type of game for me, I liked that I could just... relax, you know? Dragon Age, I've only played Inquisition and haven't finished it, but again, it was about the characters for me. I love them. I want to replay that one and I want Veilguard.

Hmmm. I dunno why I went into all of that, LOL. I just felt like obsessing about whatever came to mind, hahah.

Seriously though, if you want me to go into any of my fandom things, PLEASE ASK. I LOVE talking about my obsessions, and no one in my real life really gets me, LOL. I just REALLY LOVE FANDOMS. I love being a part of them, and I love just... obsessing about them. They're my happy place.

I don't have much in my life that makes me happy, so I take what I can get :P