#google calendar is too confusing for me to figure out

[heartshattering]

Love how I saw a post that said "35 days until the July exam!" and didn't question it AT ALL until I saw it had been posted 3 months ago...

[dakotalun]

What Now? | Eddie Munson

pairing: Eddie Munson X Fem Reader

summary: You just got broken up with and you can only think of one place to go.

warnings: none, just some fluffy Eddie moments :)

word count: 1k

a/n: Shit it's been a while. Anyways back to it!

*******NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS*******

Everything was going okay recently, not many nightmares and the ones I did have weren’t too bad. Until…

“What?” The confusion is evident on my face and in my voice.

“I just don’t think we’ll work out. I’m sorry,” Jamie’s head is down and their eyes are looking everywhere but at me.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all, it’s me.”

I scoff, “Pfft. Okay sure,” I roll my eyes at their words, “Like every other time people say that line.”

“I’m being serious, love. I love you, I really do but there’s shit that I need to figure out-”

“Then we figure it out together! That’s what it means to be in a committed relationship!”

“I just- I feel like having a partner right now is not helping,” Their voice is distant and soft now.

“I get it. I’m too much, too clingy, too needy, too…everything,” The words sting my throat and tongue as they leave but it’s the truth, it’s what they all mean when they break it off with me.

“Not at all! You’re perfect, in every way, shape, and form. Seriously, it's me. I’m going through shit that I feel like would break us if I kept lying about it to you.”

“So this has been going on for a while?” I see their face change for a second then go back to sadness.

“Yeah, it has. But I thought it was nothing-”

“How long?”

“What?” Now it’s their turn to be confused.

“How long have you known and been going through this?” My face is steel and I show no emotion.

“Since Lolla.”

Lollapalooza was in August, it’s November. They’ve known this and not said anything for 3 months! Lying to me about everything for so long and I had no idea. I don’t even know how to feel right now. I begin to grab my bag and stuff my shit in it before getting up off their bed.

"Y/N," They reach for my hand to stop me from leaving.

I pull away before they can touch me, "Don't. I- I need space," I leave their room and head for the front door, looking back at the fuzzy orange cat lying on the back of the chair as he always does for the last time. 

"Bye Cheerio," I twist the knob and walk out of the apartment I had felt so welcome in before. 

I can hear the thunder once in the elevator, realizing that I can't return home because I promised Robin the apartment, assuming I'd be with Jamie all night. I try to think of who else I could stay with tonight.

Chrissy maybe? No, she’s at Jason’s place for the weekend. Oh, Nancy should be free right? I reach for my phone to text Nancy but see a Google Calendar notification on the screen.

Nancy Double Date with Johnathan and Roomie! Damn, I guess she’s out too. Maybe Robin would understand me coming home tonight, if I told them what happened? 

As I think about what to do and where to go, rain starts to pour down, soaking through the loose shirt I had put on. 

Why does this keep happening to me? How do I always end up in the rain with no place to go? I think back to last summer when Kris, Sophia, and I got into it and my brother’s friend had to come rescue me from myself and the rain. I laugh at the thought that this is just going to be my normal from now on.

As I walk, my feet autonomously begin to head to the only other person whom I trust and who might be able to help. I don’t even realize where I’m going until I’m standing in front of the building, not under the protection of the awning even though it’s only 3 feet in front of me.

I take a deep breath before stepping forward and deciding this really is the only option I have left. I’m thankful for the covering once I’m actually under it. I dial apartment 203 and wait for the voice of my best friend to spread through the old speaker.

"Hello?" His voice is low and gravelly; he must have just woken up.

"Eddie, It’s Y/N. Can I come up? I-" I sniffle and before I can continue I hear the lock moving and the door unlock so I can enter. I didn’t even realize I had been crying until then.

I quickly open the door and make my way through the small maze to get to his place on the second floor. I can feel my wet socks and the weight of my bag has risen tremendously since I left Jamie’s. I'm gonna need to check and make sure my computer is okay once I get inside his place.

Soon I reach his door and he's standing there against the frame, in a tshirt and sweats, his signature look. The expression on his face is one of concern and fear. Something I’m all too familiar with.

"Hey," My voice is weak and not at all how he normally hears it. I’ve never cried in front of him and we’ve been friends for over a year now, strange.

"Shit, Y/N you're soaked! Get the fuck in here," He moves out the way and closes the door behind me as I walk into his living room, making sure to take off my shoes before going onto the carpet.

He comes back with a towel and wraps it around me after taking my bag and setting it at my feet. I mumble a thank you before taking a seat at the edge of his couch, completely on the other side from where he normally sits.

To my surprise he sits next to me and rubs my back, comforting me and drying me at the same time. We sit there in silence for a few minutes. I'm tired and not in the mood to fully explain what happened yet, so neither of us speak until I realize I should probably tell him why I came to his place so late and without warning.

Taglist: @ali-r3n @dixontardis @witchwolflea @micheledawn1975 @daydreaming-mood @idfwfeelings @adaydreamaway08 @preciousbumplingbee @rustboxstarr @plk-18 @teary-eyed-egg @needylilgal022 @exploding-bonbon @gagasbee @eddiemunsonsguitarpic @aol19 @thatwitchyoucouldntburn @meanlilbean @sonnyahngel @corrodedcass @pigwidgeonxo @marsmunson86 @lottie-90 @figmentofquinn @sareim123122 @eddies-puppet @gvf23 @kennedy-brooke @rocklees-wife @emma77645 @cherris-n-peaches @breehumbles @joequinn-love @anyoddthoughts @aysheashea @eddiesskittle @uncxmfxrtablex @cherrymedicine13 @mrsjellymunson @shotgunhallelujah @bambipowerblueaddition @hexqueensupreme @josephquinnsfreckles @harrysgothicbitch @paleidiot @smurfflynn @lilyungpeanut @selena-rocker27

[cloudy-caspirations]

Hey cas!! I wanted to ask you how to make the most out of notions (cuz its kinda complex app) + how to make notes omg im struggling w this YELPP😭😭

Hi !! I started using notion last year to try and organize my school life and still haven’t completely figured it all out, so I get what you mean with it being a little confusing 😭. I’ve been mostly using it as a planner, but just started writing notes on it over this summer break and am kind of loving it. I’ll include screenshots and stuff under the cut, but if you need more specific details or a tutorial for a database or something feel free to send another ask or dm!

My Notion Setup ⬇️⬇️

(Sorry if the formatting for pictures is weird, I’m still trying to figure out how to use this app 😵‍💫)

For Planning:

Here is my notion dashboard! It’s a little barebones compared to others that I’ve seen on Pinterest, but it works for me because if I include anything else my ADHD brain will get overwhelmed and won’t keep up with actually using and updating it.

I have two databases: one being used as an assignment tracker that sorts my assignments into To-Do, Overdue, and Done sections based on dates and the other has pages for my classes for the semester. (I just realized that I forgot the change the heading from Spring 2024 to Fall 2024, so please don’t mind that 😭) Along with the databases I have a simple to do list for things that I need to get done that aren’t assignment related.

You could also add a calendar view to the assignment database if you prefer seeing it in that format, I just choose not to because I use Google Calendar to see it in relation to my other plans for the day.

I don’t use the class pages for much because I preferred writing my notes in either Goodnotes or a physical notebook last semester, but I’ll probably start using them more because I like using notion to keep track of all of my code snippets and stuff along those lines that are easier to type than write out. It was also pretty helpful last semester for creating drafts and outlines for essays.

For Note-taking:

Here are two examples of pages that could go in the classes database if you prefer to take notes digitally. I like to use databases to create pages to take notes in for each chapter/section of the textbook or material for the class.

My favorite way of viewing it is the board view because I like having my progress visualized (and clicking and dragging chapters to the “Done” section is satisfying), but the table view is also nice if you want to include more details such as quiz scores or dates.

Here are some photos of my notes for a single chapter. I use section headers to separate the actual notes from other stuff like chapter-specific exercises or links, and use toggle headers for sub-section notes to make it less cluttered. Other than the formatting it’s nothing too fancy, my typed notes are similar to how you would take notes in any other software like GoogleDocs or Word.

[messmers]

Hey, what do you use notion for can I ask? I'm new to it, was looking into using it as a potential project management tool (I work freelance!) do you find it pretty easy to use?

hiii, of course you can ask! :) i talk a lot though, so sorry!!!

I like to use it for so many things!! Journaling, project management, writing / planning out ocs, creating databases, keeping track of things (tasks, media, wishlist, games and other game-related stuff, references and resources), etc. etc.

it has options for pages and subpages {and subpages within those subpages}, templates, calendars, tables, automation, buttons, files, graphs, tagging systems, among so many others. my favorite thing is that you can add relations between pages and have it link to each other. that, and how you can essentially build your own private home page. :)

it's definitely worth checking out if you need a project management tool because its so useful and there's just so much you can do within it. i think the only problem is that it can be very confusing and overwhelming at first, because it's so customizable. that can make it a bit hard to get into, but once you get the hang of it, it's super fun. which can also be a problem if you're like me and end up spending more time customizing than actually working LOL.

personally, i find it easy to use, but i do have to warm up to it if i go a while without using it because i start to forget things. there's just so many things to it... if i had to rate the difficulty, id say its around medium difficulty? its definitely just lots of practice, but also, you dont have to go overboard with the features and customization. you can keep it easy and simple and that will work just fine too. then as you use it and understand it better, build onto it. i'd say check it out first and give it a try and see how it goes because it all depends on what exactly you're trying to do with it. :)

overall, the hardest part about it is just figuring out the layout of your pages by yourself, because clicking that 'new' button and being hit by a big blank page and all these options can be so overwhelming at first (esp if you have adhd like me lol). but the other stuff like features and tools are pretty straightforward.

if you do want to give it a try, the best way to get started is by using templates as a base, and then customizing them to suit your needs! that's what i do for now.

here are some videos i recommend checking out to get started with it:

1 || 2

additionally, here's a notion guide you can check out.

also, notion already comes with a built-in template database you can go through, but there are a LOT of good [free] templates available out there. i usually find mine by just googling what i need or through reddit, youtube, and sometimes pinterest or etsy. :)

Here are some templates you can check out to get started:

1 || 2 || 3 || 4

sorry this is long, but i hope it helped and that it's coherent bc my brain is all over the place <3 if you have any other questions feel free to ask!! id be happy to help however i can ^_^

[zer0cyanz]

A WRoEF related rant:

I swear to god, the creators of WRoEF did not check a calendar before deciding on some of the Finches death. I guess weekdays doesn’t necessarily matter but in some of these contexts I struggle to see the logic.

Most scenarios it doesn’t matter at all where the day they died could literally have been any day of the year and their story wouldn’t be different in any way, like Calvin who died on a Saturday (September 23rd, 1961) after he launched himself off a cliff (meaning it wouldn’t have matter if it was during the weekend or not) or Walter who died on a Thursday (March 31st, 2005) after he decided to leave the bunker and died by a train that ran him over (and judging by his note this train came everyday) just to name a few. But there are some that bugs me a lot. I’m currently writing several fanfics for this fandom so keeping track of dates and such is important for consistency. So you can say I realized a couple things along the way.

(I make it sound all dramatic when it’s actually only 2 deaths I’m focusing on even though I’m listing 3 down below. Just think it’s funny how the 2 deaths that involves something that has been scheduled doesn’t make much sense but I’m not going to judge… too much)

Barbara:

Barbara died on October 31st 1960. The date itself isn’t necessarily important (other than it being her 16th birthday) and I’m sure that was probably planned since early on. My issue is that it’s implied that Barbara was supposed to go to a “Witch’s Ball” that night on Halloween. This could be figured out by a flyer inside her room.

Of course, if you’ve played the game you know what happened. My question is however:

Who plans a ball on a Monday?

Sure it’s Halloween but in every case I’ve experienced in real life they simply moved the date to the nearest Saturday or Friday (so either it happens before or after Halloween, more often before, in this case on the 28th or 29th). It was the 60s but still, a ball on a Monday? School is assumingely out, but it still confuses me.

Gus:

Gus died on November 8th 1982 during his father second wedding:

This wedding could have been planned for any day, especially since it was in their backyard meaning they didn’t have to hire a church or whatever. Again, I just have to ask, why did they decide to get wed on a Monday? In Barbara’s case I could defend it saying they wanted it to happen on Halloween no matter what, but what importance does November 8th hold? Couldn’t they just move it to a weekend or what? I understand that sometimes you gotta ignore reality and just pretend it isn’t literally the start of the week, but here I feel like 1 google search and they could have change the date to the 12th or 13th (the 13th might actually have been pretty cool considering how and why Gus died).

Sam:

Okay this one doesn’t bug me like the others, I just wanted to point out this man took his daughter on a hunting trip on a Thursday. I mean, I don’t remember exactly how long he said they were going to be gone but either way I think it’s funny. Also the fact he died 4 days before his son’s birthday (Gus is already dead at this point but still) and 1 day before his father’s birthday (again, Sven is long dead).

[jpegjade]

Physical Therapy - Ch. 1 (Spencer)

WELCOME TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!! in honor of this bish starting physical therapy in real life (and missing it bc i can’t drive and my mom and i’s schedules not being synched on google calendar all the time) i’ve decided to write a fic about it. it will be a little series with a goal (yes, an end game) and it’ll be cute. some of it is based on actual things that happen and some is literally just the story. ENJOY.

gender: neutral

tw: nothing that i can think of

genre: fluff | angst

Description: After getting shot in the leg, spencer goes through physical therapy before he can get back in the field completely. What happens when he starts to fall for his physical therapy assistant? 

__________________

Two honks at 6am meant that it was time for Spencer to get going. Derek was downstairs, in the car, waiting on boy wonder to crutch his way out of the apartment complex. Derek wasn’t sure how to feel about this trip considering he missed his early morning run for this but he knew how nervous Spencer was for his evaluation today so he didn’t mind as much as he could have minded. 

Spencer was patiently waiting in a pair of very short shorts, mismatched socks, and running shoes. He threw on a t-shirt and looked in the mirror, noting how tired he looked. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately for some reason but he couldn’t be sure why. He combed out his hair one more time before he and his crutches headed to the elevators. 

“Ready, kid?” Derek said, opening the front door for Spencer like a world class chauffeur would if Spencer was a celebrity. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Spencer mumbled.

In truth, Spencer was more than ready to get started on his physical therapy journey. He wanted to get back in the field full time, adrenaline pumping, connecting with victims, walking again. He didn’t mind the assisted mobility but it was hard for him to know that the best he could do sometimes was stay back in the office or hang out in Garcia’s batcave. 

The car ride was filled with a comfortable silence between the two men. Derek was thinking about how he could make up his missed morning run by doing another type of high cardio workout while Spencer was just trying to figure out why it had to be him. He wouldn’t wish the frustration of his recovery process on anyone else on the team but the frustration of the recovery process just got to him on some days. Today was one of those days. 

Derek pulled up to the physical therapy clinic sooner than Spencer hoped. Part of that was because Derek was a very fast driver while the other part was because Spencer wasn’t paying attention for most of the drive. 

“You owe me one.” Derek said, completely joking. Well… Partially. That morning run was what kept him awake during the day, energizing him for work. 

“Do you want to come in?” Spencer said, looking down at his hands in his lap. 

Spencer’s hands were tapping his leg as he awaited Derek’s answer. He was nothing short of a nervous wreck on the inside. All he could think about was how much pain he would be in once the evaluation was over and the physical therapist had finished poking and prodding at his knee. He hated to think that it would be worse than everything else going on. Plus he still had to go to work today. 

“Sure, kid.” Derek said. 

Derek wasn’t going to sit in the car and do nothing the whole time so he might as well support his friend. 

Climbing out of the car, the boys slowly made it to the sliding glass doors of the physical therapy clinic. Much to Spencer’s surprise, it was nothing like he originally imagined it to be. Some part of him thought it would somewhat resemble the clinic where his mother resided but it was completely different. There were floor to ceiling walls for over half of the first floor building. High tech equipment was stationed everywhere from anti gravity treadmills to hand bike motors, medicine balls and so much more. Spencer stood in the doorway, leaning on his crutches, while he took everything in. There was so much light in the air, it was almost like the feeling of recovery was airy and not meant to bog him down. This was a strange feeling for him to comprehend...

“You coming, pretty boy?” Derek called, taking a break from chatting with the pretty receptionist. 

Spencer and his crutches walked over to the front desk and grabbed the paperwork that covered how much pain he was in today. He filled it out quickly, hoping to get everything over with sooner than later. He was already here so he might as well just finish everything quickly so he could get out of the place. 

When he finished writing everything down, he returned the paperwork to the receptionist who slipped him a piece of paper and pointed to Derek. Spencer already knew it was the receptionist’s personal phone number and he didn’t even need to look at the paper. Sitting down, Spencer handed Derek to a very confused Derek before it hit him what it was. Derek winked at the receptionist, who blushed before answering the phone. 

“Spencer?” A voice called his name shortly after he sat down. 

It was nice to know that here, he didn’t have to be a doctor. He was just another person healing. He didn’t have to be smart, he could just exist. 

“Good luck.” Derek said, noticing that Spencer’s hand was shaking in the slightest bit. 

“My name is Nora and I will be your lead physical therapist.” The woman said, walking Spencer to a vacant padded table. It reminded Spencer of the types of tables you lay on when you get a massage. 

He only got a massage once when Garcia got stood up on a couples’ massage date. He spent half of his part of the massage giving the masseuse facts about how their job could actually give them an infection from the amount of germs in the air and on the table. His delivery of facts caused the room to be incredibly uncomfortable and bleach the table very thoroughly. By the time he and the masseuse finished, only 5 minutes were left in the massage and Garcia was left horrified and amused at the same time. 

“Don’t worry. We bleach the tables every time someone finishes a session.” Nora said, noticing the look on Spencer’s face. Spencer visibly relaxed and sat on the table. 

“So, Spencer, tell me a little bit about yourself.” Nora followed up, pulling up a backless roller chair. 

“Well, I was on a case and the unsub, unknown subject, shot at a dad but it ended up hitting me in the leg instead and…” Spencer paused, looking at Nora’s amused face. 

“No, I mean tell me about you. Your hobbies, what you do for fun, things like that. I need to do a complete profile for you so I know how your quality of life has been affected and which exercises you can do at home so we aren’t pushing too fast.” Nora smiled at Spencer. 

“I work.” Spencer said in a matter-of-fact tone. He didn’t really have anything else to say. 

“Okay. So you’re a workaholic.” Nora wrote. She was about to ask a new question when you came quickly walking to Nora. 

Spencer was left dumbfounded. There seemed to be a halo of light radiating around you, making you glow. He knew it was the sun finally rising but his brain short circuited as he continued to gaze at you. 

“Hey Nora?” You said, looking down at your boss. “Mrs. Gillespi wants to know why you haven’t come back to check her form. She doesn’t trust me because, her words here, I ‘look like a child who doesn’t know their left foot from the color orange.’” 

“Sure. Here, you can take over Spencer’s evaluation.” She handed you her clipboard.

You looked at the detailed notes on the paper and then up at Spencer, who looked like one of the youngest people here. 

“It’s not often we get cute guys in this place. Other than Kyle. But Kyle’s an asshole who could almost be my dad.” You blurted, not realizing you said it outloud as soon as Nora left. 

You noticed that he started blushing and looking at his converse and you realized that you said something. You usually spoke your thoughts out loud but the people you worked with were used to it so no one bothered to say anything.

“What?” You asked, confused. 

“You called me cute.” Spencer said. “Which is fine. I don’t understand the appeal but I do believe that your blurting of what you perceive as a fact is a coping mechanism. It can also be tied to ADHD, which is a common mental disorder that causes your brain to impulsively say things.” Spencer paused, looking at your face. 

“What?” You asked, again, confused. 

“I’m not saying you have ADHD. I’m a doctor but not that kind of doctor. Although I could get another Ph. D. Prove my father wrong. And…” Spencer realized he was rambling. 

“Cute and a talker.” You said, writing that down. 

You wrote something down on the paper that Spencer couldn’t see but he was curious about. 

“Let’s check out that leg.” You said, pulling out an instrument that looked like a compass. 

You asked Spencer to move his knee certain ways and it wasn’t as bad as Spencer thought. You were gentle, soft even. Your hands were delicate and you ended the session massaging his leg and smiling at him. 

“You were a good patient today, doctor Spencer.” You said, smiling at him. 

Spencer blushed, unable to meet your eyes. 

“You… I mean… I enjoyed our session.” Spencer said. “Which I don’t normally enjoy. Not that I’ve been shot before. Or had physical therapy. Or been here. Or even worked out really.”

“You’re funny, doc.” You smiled. “Your next appointment is Tuesday of next week according to the schedule so I guess I’ll see you then. I can’t wait.” 

Spencer stared at you as he wondered why you were so excited. 

“Why?” Spencer asked. 

“It’s not every day I get the case for a cute guy who is smart and awkward. It’s almost like the heavens have answered my hopes and prayers.” You joked, looking up at the ceiling and putting your hand on your heart. 

“I believe in science.” Spencer stated, grabbing his crutches. 

“A man of science. Does it get any better? What’s your star sign?” You joked. 

“Scorpio.” Spencer stated. 

“Oop. All the scorpios I know have been some hoes. You better not be a hoe, doc.” 

“I’m definitely not a gardening tool, if that’s what you’re referring to. Otherwise, I’d like to thing my lack of dating skills doesn’t qualify as being a… hoe? Although, I don’t believe in the use of the word to describe someone who enjoys spending time with multiple people. I’d like to think the use of the word is meant in jest and fun for a term of endearment.” Spencer stood up, balancing on his crutches. 

“I’ll be the judge of that.” You said, walking slowly with Spencer to the front desk. 

“What’s your name?” Spencer asked, turning to you. He realized that he never got your name.

“Y/n.” You smiled. 

The clouds must have parted again because as soon as you turned to walk away from him, towards Nora, you were covered in another halo. And just like that, you were gone again.

_____________________

Future tag list: 

@ellvswriting @sageandberries-png @l0ve-0f-my-life @rexorangecouny @kennedywxlsh

Want to be added? Tell me!

[fictionalabyss]

She didn’t show.

Pairing : Dean x Various, Dean x Reader, Sam

Word count : 3,589

Written for : @spnfluffbingo​

Square :  Online dating.

Warnings : Flangst, online dating, unrequited love, catfishing, guilt, angry Dean, regret.

A/N : I had this idea, and ended up shoving it in this square for a fill and now I’m not thrilled with how it turned out. So this idea is going to eventually get re-done and given some proper justice. Until then, enjoy this version lol.

Masterlist • Patreon • Ko-fi.

SPN Fluff bingo 2020 Masterlist. 

Dean smirked to himself as he hurried past the library and towards the garage. His eyes were so focused on his phone, he didn’t notice he was being watched. “Where you headed?”

“Hot date.” his smile widened.

“Yeah? Finally treating your left hand to something nice after all the work it’s done for you?”

“Fuck off.” Dean snapped. “I’ll have you know it’s a real person.”

“Pictures or it didn’t happen.” you crossed your arms, leaning back in your chair. You were surprised when Dean stormed over and shoved his phone in your face. A blonde haired bombshell sitting on a classic car covered his screen. “Looks like something you’d find on some dudes calendar.” you chuckled.

“You’re just jealous that I’ve got a date.” he said smugly before walking away. “Don’t wait up.”

“For you? Never.” you laughed.

As Dean vanished from view, your phone chimed. You pulled out your phone and opened the app with the bright red notification.  Going to your messages you licked your lips as you read the latest one that had just come in.

> Can’t wait to finally meet you tonight.

Leaving it on read, you closed the app and hit the power button on your phone as Sam walked into the library, handing you a beer. “Where’d Dean go?”

“Manicure.”

“Manicure?” Sam stopped half way to his seat on the other side of the table and gave you a confused look.

“Said he had a hot date.” you shrugged. “I figure either a manicure, or maybe he’s going to buy some gloves.” Sam’s smile was bright and wide as it grew into a laugh. “You know, change it up a bit.”

“You're an ass.” Sam shook his head, still laughing as he finally got to his chair and sat down.

“You love me.” you lifted the drink to your lips.

“Didn’t you even consider that he might just have found some new porn so embarrassing he’s scared to watch it here?” you snorted, your drink almost coming out of your nose. “Yeah.. you’re right.. It’s Dean. He has no shame when it comes to porn.” Sam shook his head as you laughed hysterically.

“And what could possibly be worse than what he’s already watching?” you clutched at your stomach, sliding lower in the chair as Sam shuddered at the thought.

An hour and a half later, Dean walked back into the bunker, eyes on his phone with a glare as he mumbled.

“Dean?” Sam sat up straighter in his chair, watching as his brother stormed past.

“You’d think he’d be happier after such a hot date.” you mused.

“Fuck off.” Dean snapped. “I’m not in the fucking mood.” he growled before disappearing down the hall.

Getting up, you left Sam behind and went to find Dean. He was pacing around his room, eyes still on his phone. “Dean, you okay?”

“Peachy.”

“Dean-”

“She didn’t show, okay?” before you could say anything he turned to you, finger pointed right at your face. “And don’t you fucking laugh or give me some bullshit about how everyone gets stood up, I don’t.” he growled the last two words.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know.” he tossed his phone onto his bed. “I don’t fucking know.” he sighed. “One second she can’t wait to see me, the next.. ghosted.”

“Okay, but for real, Dean. Since when do you give a shit? Since when do you not just move on to the next?”

“I kinda liked her.” he mumbled quietly. “But whatever, right?” He shrugged. “Her loss?”

“Yeah. Her loss.” you gave him a smile. “Beer and pie?”

“There’s pie?”

“There’s pie.” you nodded.

“You’re so good to me.” Dean pulled you into a hug and you smiled, ducking your face against his chest as your arms went around his waist.

“What are friends for, Dean.” the sentiment earned you a kiss on the top of your head before he let you go and you headed for the kitchen.

“You’re in a good mood.” you smiled up at Dean from the motel room table as he walked in, coffee tray in hand. “Let me guess, waitress slipped you her number?” Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Really? Huh.. okay.. Uh.” you thought for a second. “Oh, soccer mom, fresh from school drop off is sexually frustrated cuz her husband is shit in the sack and you’re gonna give her exactly what the dr ordered?”

“You’re disgusting, no.” he shot you a look. “New state, new matches.” he smiled, putting down the coffee and pulling out his phone. “Matched up with this one girl-” you tuned him out as he showed you the girl he’d messaged while out getting coffee.

“Looks hot.” you mumbled, reaching for your cup and tearing your eyes away from his screen. Doing your best to hide the jealousy.

“She is.” he grinned. “You should see this one pic-”

“I don’t think Y/N wants to see some other woman's nudes, Dean.” Sam joked, stepping out of the bathroom in boxer briefs and a shirt, towel drying his hair.

“Of course she does.” Dean scoffed. “She’s my best wingman.”

“Actually, I need to piss. Been waiting for Sammy to get out of that bathroom since the turn of the century.” you laughed as you got up from your seat, leaving Dean laughing at his brothers expense behind you.

“I wasn’t that long.” Sam defended himself.

“Sure there, Rapunzel. “ Dean laughed as the door shut behind you.

Once locked away from them in the privacy of the bathroom, the smile you had plastered to your face fell. Another one? He already had another one? It was the third girl he’d talked to so far this month. Was he planning on meeting her? Fucking her? Of course he was, otherwise he wouldn’t be smiling like an idiot.  Pulling out your phone, you opened the app, signed out, and signed up creating a new profile. You kept everything basic but intriguing, found a random picture on google that you knew would grab attention, and hit create. Taking a deep breath, you got to work, swiping past various people as you flushed the unused toilet and ran the water in the sink for a moment. You finished up on your phone, tucked it back into your pocket and stepped out.

“What's your excuse?” Sam teased, poking at how long you were in the bathroom.

“Coffee.” you answered. “You want the details?”

“No ma’am.” Sam was quick to turn back to his own coffee, smile gone from his lips.

“Didn’t think so.”

“Hope you sprayed.” Dean muttered, eyes on his phone.

“Yeah, entire bottle of that cheap cologne you bought for that date last month.” Dean’s eyes shot up and he glared.

“Oof, that bathroom must smell nasty now.” Sam teased.

“Both of you can fuck off, okay, it smelled good.”

“So good she didn’t show up.” Sam teased with a laugh.

“Fuck you both.” Dean spat, getting up from his chair and storming out of the room.

“Think we took it too far, Sammy.”

“He’s done it to me enough times. Since when does he buy cologne anyways?”

“Fuck if I know.”

“Did you really spray it?” Sam asked.

“No.” You laughed. “I threw it out a week ago. He hasn’t noticed yet. We’ll just pretend he left it behind somewhere.” you put your finger to your lips to signal it was your little secret.

“Deal. I hope I never smell it again.” Sam scrunched up his face before opening his laptop. “Did Dean get those files from the sheriff?”

“Yeah, I think so..” As you reached for Dean's bag, your phone chimed. Peaking into his duffle, you saw the folders sitting on top and pulled them out, handing them to Sam.

“Maybe we can figure this out while he throws his tantrum.” Sam muttered as you pulled out your phone.

“Yeah.. maybe.” you answered quietly, opening the dating app and seeing you had a new match. You smiled to yourself as you clicked to send a private message.

< For some reason I was feeling a little off today. But when you came along, you definitely turned me on ;)

It was ballsy. Forward and crude could go very wrong, but it just might make him laugh and you were hoping it would. You waited, baited breath as ‘read’ appeared on the screen but nothing followed. You waited a few minutes, pretending to research on your phone before you cursed yourself and closed the app. Your gamble had failed.

With a sigh, you opened your browser and started to actually research. “What’s wrong?” Sam glanced over.

“Dead end.” you lied.

“Yeah.. it’s a rough one.” he nodded, eyes back on his laptop again.

A moment later, your phone went off again.

> Impala67 : Are you a parking ticket, because you’ve got FINE written all over you.

> Impala67 : I’m Dean, by the way.

< Charlotte.

> Impala67 : Nice to meet you, Charlotte.

You expected Dean to come back after an hour pissed, but he didn’t. You didn’t see him until some time a bit after 4:30. “I take it the date went well?” you tried to hide the bite in your tone and were thankful enough he was still enjoying enough of his post fuck high to miss it.

“Didn’t show, but quickly recovered.” he winked as he shut the motel room door behind him. “Why you up so early? Did you wait up for me?” his smile got wider.

“No. You said we were leaving at 5am, remember?”

“Okay but it’s-”

“Almost 5. And Sam’s showering.”

“I’ll just use yours-”

“I’m already checked out.” you turned your attention to your phone. “Next time, take others into consideration, please.”

“What the fuck is up your ass?” he snapped. “Since when do you care where I am or when I get back?”

“Since either I have to smell the stench coming off of you the whole drive, or we’re behind schedule.” you got up from your seat and grabbed your bag. “I’ll be in the car, praying you didn’t fuck in my seat.”

“They’re all my damn seats.” he snapped at you as the door shut behind you. “What the fuck is going on?”

You were behind Dean in the car, he’d jumped in a quick shower, even changed his clothes but when you looked up your eyes were drawn to the dark mark on his neck. Rolling your eyes, you unlocked your phone, signed out of the app and created a new profile.

“What’s gotten into her?” you heard him mumble to Sam.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

You glanced up, and Dean's eyes were on you in the rear-view, but you were quick to look back down at your phone.. “Never mind.” he sighed. “Forget it.”

Another city, another stand up, another pissed off Dean, and then it was back home to Lebanon. The recently finished case on no one's mind. Dean's mood was shit. It was the 12th time he’d been stood up and he was swearing he was done with the dating apps. Fed up with women ghosting him like he was some chump.

You were answering messages on your phone when Dean slammed on the breaks, making you hit the back of the seat in front of you and drop your phone.

“HEY ASSHOLE! YOU NEVER SEE A FUCKING STOP SIGN BEFORE?” Dean was screaming out the window, much to Sam’s embarrassment. The guy flipped him off and Dean revved his engine ready to follow.

“Dean.” Sam warned.

“Whatever.” he surged the car forward, making you fly back against the seat again. With a sigh and a head shake to Sam who’d glanced back at you, you looked out the window and waited for the bunker to come into sight.

Dean was still sitting in his car, parked in the bunker garage. He couldn’t figure it out, and he was trying. Was it something he was saying? Was he being too eager? Too desperate? Too cocky? No, this always worked for him, he hadn’t changed anything. Maybe it just wasn’t how shit worked online, but why agree to meet up if they weren’t going to show..

He was deep in thought when he heard a phone chime. He sighed and pulled out his, but saw no notifications. That confused him until he heard another chime. He glanced around and into the back seat. It took him a minute, but then he spotted it, your phone down on the floor. You must have dropped it when he’d slammed on his brakes when that asshole almost plowed right into him and forgot it. Leaning over the back of the seat, he reached for it.

He was making his way out of the garage when your phone chimed again, and he looked down at the screen as it lit up with the notification. “Dude is coming in hot.” he laughed seeing the beginning of the message some guy had sent. “Is this the kinda shit chicks like?”

Curious now, he swiped his thumb across your screen and was surprised it unlocked without some kind of code. He’d scold you about that later, because he knew he’d get an earful right back for snooping.

He recognized the app that opened. It was the same dating one he’d been trying out. He had no idea you were on there and wondered why he’d never come across your profile. “Why does she even need online dating?” he wondered, reading the messages from some strange guy.  Dude was bold, coming on too strong, and he could see your messages were half teasing, but mostly uninterested.

Then he saw the name. “Son of a bitch.”

“You!?” You spun around as Dean stormed into your room, your phone in his hand, and your eyes shot right to it. “It was fucking you!?”

“De-”

“Were they all you?” he demanded, and you clamped your mouth shut. “They were, weren’t they?” he scoffed. “I can’t believe you. I thought we were friends, who the fuck does that to someone? Do you know how fucked up that is?” he unlocked your phone and showed off the messages with him that had spanned the last week and a half until he got stood up and you stopped responding. “Why would you do this to me? WHY!?”

“I’m-”

“Don’t you fucking tell me your sorry.” he growled. “Sorry doesn’t mean shit to me right now, sorry doesn’t even begin to fucking cover what you did to me. I thought it was me. I thought I was the fucking problem, but it wasn’t. It was you.” he shot your phone onto your bed.

Tears blurred your eyes. “Dean, I-”

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t even want to fucking see you.” he spat before storming out.

You stood there staring at the spot on the floor he vacated. Fighting not to let the tears loose. You’d fucked up. You’d fucked up so bad and there was no taking it back. Swallowing, you turned and started re-packing the bag that you’d be unpacking when he stormed in.

You were working on your second bag when you heard Sam sigh from the doorway. “Why’d you do it?”

“Doesn’t matter.” you mumbled, not turning to face him. Not wanting to see the same look his brother had given you before storming out.

“It matters to him.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Where are you going to go?” Sam asked after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know. But I’m not wanted here anymore, so..” you zipped up the bag and grabbed your phone and keys before slinging one of the bags over your shoulder and grabbing the other.. “It is what it is.”

“Keep in touch, at least?”

“No promises. Good bye, Sam.” and with that, you walked past him and headed for the garage and your car that had been parked there for months.

Before deleting the app, you send out one last message, an apology. Then you deleted all accounts, deleted the app and changed your number. You’d driven off beyond the Midwest and out of their lives, trying your best to never look back, but it was hard. You’d been moving from motel to motel, hunt to hunt like you use to years ago. You’d gotten so use to having somewhere to settle, somewhere to call home. Now all you had was shitty diners, shitty beer, and even worse motel rooms.

It had been about 4 months since you walked out of the bunker. You were tired, and lonely, but no one in the bar you sat at caught your interest, so you finished off your beer and left. The 10 minute walk back to the motel in the cool air doing nothing for your mood. But nothing had been able to lift your mood in a long time.

You walked into your motel room and looked around. It was time to move on, you’d been here a week too long already, but you weren’t sure where to go next. Dropping onto the bed, you grabbed your laptop and started to look for a case.

A knock sounded on your door, and you ignored it. Then again. The third time it was louder. “I’M NOT FUCKING INTERESTED.” you yelled out, only for whoever it was to pound on the door this time. “Jesus fuck.. Take a goddamn hint-” the words died on your lips when you yanked the door open and saw him standing there. “Dean..”

“About fucking time.” he muttered stepping past you and into the room, looking around at the mess. “Looks cozy.” he teased.

“A real home away from home.” you muttered, shutting the door.

“Speaking of, when are you coming back?” he glanced back at you behind him. “I think your tantrum lasted long enough, don’t you?”

“I’m not.” you gave him a confused look. “You didn’t want to see me again, remember? So I left. Why are you here, Dean?”

“Couldn’t exactly call you.” he pointed out. “Numbers disconnected.”

“Changed it.”

“Yeah. And ghosted me again.”

“Again, you didn’t want to see me again.” you pointed out. “What do you want from me?”

“I want to know why. Why’d you do that to me, you have to admit, it was fucked up.” You sigh as you cross the space and drop back onto your bed, staying quiet. Dean sits so he’s facing you and asks again. “Why’d you do it?”

“Because I love you, you dumbass.”

“You-” his brow furrowed as he watched you, you were looking down at your hands like you were afraid to look at him. “How does that even make sense? Why didn’t you just say something?”

“I did.. I tried.” you were picking at the skin around your nail. “But you didn’t seem to notice. You were meeting girls at bars, at diners, and then you started with the app.. You had more dates, spent more and more time on your phone.. I can’t compete with that, Dean. I got jealous, I got upset. I made that first profile not thinking I’d actually get anywhere, but then I did, you saw me, you talked to me like you talked to them and I got lost in that feeling, it felt so good to finally be seen. But then you wanted to meet. And I got scared. Scared that you’d be disappointed it was just me, but I couldn’t bring myself to say no to you, I never could.”

“So you said yes and didn’t show?”

You nodded. “And you were upset, and I felt bad. But I wanted that feeling again, I wanted more than anything to be anyone but me just so you’d see me again. So I became someone else. Always someone else. Catfishing you seemed to be the only way to get your attention. You liked me, Dean. Each and every time it was me and you seemed to like me, but when I acted like that with you, face to face.” you shrugged and finally looked up again. “Sometimes even saying the exact same things, I got nowhere. I was your wingman, I was your friend, but you couldn’t see me beyond that, and I should have just accepted it. I should have respected that I was nothing more and this was one sided and just moved on. I realize that now, and I’m sorry."

Dean was watching you, taking it all in. Processing. He could see the guilt all over your face, the tears stinging your eyes, he knew you meant that apology more than anything. To be honest, he’d forgiven you months ago, but now he had answers to process.

“I’m sorry I fucked up.” you continued. “I’m sorry I fucked up our friendship. I regret it, I regret all of it. I miss you, I miss having a best friend, I miss having a home.” the tears started running down your cheeks and Dean reached out to wipe them away.

“Then come home.”

“I can’t. It can’t go back to the way it was. I can’t just sit there, and watch you with someone else, or-”

Dean cut you off, pressing his lips gently to yours before pulling back again. “Come home. I miss you too.”

“I hurt you..” you whispered.

“Yeah, you did.” he agreed. “We’ll figure it out. Because you’re right, I did like you. I loved our late night chats, I love how dirty you get in DMs, and I miss my closest friend by my side. Come home with me.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.” he smiled. “Don’t ghost me this time.”

*If you like this, please consider supporting my work*

Tagging :  Dean - @akshi8278​  @adoptdontshoppets​   @evyiione​ @karikatz12481​ @idksupernatural​

SPN -  @sandlee44  @just-another-busy-fangirl  @mrswhozeewhatsis   @deanandsamsbitch  @deans-baby-momma  @thebescht @67-chevy-baby @supraveng   @musiclovinchic93 @holyfuckloueh  @ksgeekgirl   @hobby27 @maddiepants  @roxyspearing @onethirstyunicorn    @fandom-princess-forevermore​     @kalesrebellion​   @deanwanddamons​

All tags - @sorenmarie87 @artemisthebadger @winchesterprincessbride @iflostreturntosteverogers @akfonkin @rebelminxy​ @foxyjwls007​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @shaelyn102​ @supernaturalenchanted​  @kazkingdom​   @babypink224221​  @emoryhemsworth​    @ilovefanfic86​  @pie-with-hunters​   @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @lazinessisalliknow​  @feelmyroarrrr​  @letsdisneythings​   @cdwmtjb8​   @notyourtypicalrose​  @xostephanie​  @marvelmenmusicandroses @ilovedeanspie​ @defenderrosetyler​ @amandamdiehl​

[busybby]

hello everyone! no one asked for this but notion is now my guilty pleasure so i wanted to join in on creating some notion content (you have no idea how much time i've spent watching notion youtube videos, on notiontwt, and messing with my own notion). honestly i wasn't able to find a notion setup or template that i felt was perfect for me and it took me a long time to acknowledge this and be okay with it (lol this sounds so dramatic). i wanted to use it because it seemed so helpful, but for so long it was so frustrating. i'd spend so much time trying to make it work and then never return to any pages i set up. ultimately, i had to be very intentional about notion: what i wanted to use it for, how often i wanted to use it, etc. the problem was that i felt too overwhelmed to try to just make a set up from scratch. that being said, in this post i'm going to go over not only my own set up but how i got to it.

i actually found notion via @noodledesk​ back in the spring! their posts and set up inspired me to start researching and watching youtube videos. at this point i was just using notion's built in templates. i wanted to make them more personalized, but i was still confused about notion so it didn't go well and i eventually abandoned them. then, over the summer, i rediscovered noodledesk's task prioritization template and began using that. i ended up using it for a longggg time, probably from july to october! i altered it a teeny bit and over time added a few things to personalize it more. here's a pic of how it looks as of the last time i used it!

as you can see it's basically a big grid organized by days and amount of time the task will require. there's some less organized stuff at the bottom and on top is my morning routine, a random motivational picture, a quote i like, and links to things i use daily like my google calendar.

this set up worked really well for me over the summer when i had absolutely no structure in my life, but once i was back in school and working two jobs, i found i don't need so much help prioritizing my tasks but rather a big space for me to see everything. and when i say everything, i mean literally everything.

around this time, i discovered notiontwt (notion twitter) and found sooo many beautiful spreads! they were so cute and inspired me a lot. this is one set up i attempted to use (i especially liked the weekly spread) and this is one that i made myself using a 'pack' of graphics as a kind of theme.

like i said the graphics (header and calendar) are from the artist i linked above. the fanart of harry styles is by this artist. also just something that i think is important and could be a helpful reminder is to always put sources/artists for any images or art you include at the bottom of your pages! even if you're the only one seeing the page!! also of course ask if the image is okay to use!

so i tried to use that spread for october and again... it was abandoned. i also was using it in conjunction with the priority page and an 'assignments masterlist' database i have but things were just not working. i think this is the point that i decided that i would just be creative, let things flow, and do what i wanted. i took pieces from set ups that i liked, made my own little pieces, and added them to a blank page that i titled 'my brain.' 'my brain' really helped to free up my mind. calling it that made me center the page on myself and only use things that i liked and that worked for me (& ignore all the aesthetic stuff i was seeing). i felt free to delete some things and add others even if i didn't know exactly how i wanted them to look or function. in addition, i even added a little section to that page where i wrote, "i want this to be a space of fluid exploration so i can move things around as i figure out what works best for me," as a reminder of what that page was meant to be. i also started bulking up my 'essentials page' which i'll go through another time, but it was important in creating this page and keeping it focused on my daily needs.

going into this 'project' there were a few elements i knew i liked from things i'd tried and things i'd seen. these were: images, a grid layout (from noodledesk's priority page), a full page, quotes, organization by weekday. so, the first thing i did was make these elements in my page. then i arranged them into a layout that i liked (loosely inspired by, again, noodle desk): list on the left, image on the right. this is what it looked like:

at the top, there is a callout that says "today" and it's meant to overview everything that should be in my head on that particular day or... every day. underneath there are three columns, one for tasks (check list), one for events and random thoughts (reminders) and one for general inspiration. the inspiration column has the callout with the goal of the page that i already discussed, a painting by my favorite artist, and a quote that i liked from a book i've read recently.

underneath all of that is more of a future look-ahead. i have a grid-style weekly planner and then a linked database that i use every day. i learned how to make this database from @blacklinguist​‘s post.and under all that i just have some other stuff.

so this is basically what i began working with! since, i've added sub sections to organzize my to-do list, a goal section, and a cute picture next to my weekly grid. i just added these as they came to me. for example, i wanted to do this one reading challenge but I always forget about goals because i put them deep into other pages and then forget about them. so i made a section on my main page for them!

also if it's important, the assignments masterlist is sorted by due date, but in the weekly grid i put the tasks under the day that they're due. so you can see my falling man reading is due on dec.1, but i need to actually do it before then so in the weekly grid it's under the monday heading (and tuesday but that's because i doubt i'll finish it monday). i also try to add the dates of the week to those headings so i don't get confused but usually i forget. i at least try to bold the current day. random note but that's one thing i had trouble with in a lot of the templates i was trying before. they usually only organized things by due or 'do' date, but my brain really requires both so i made sure to include that here. BUT i wasn't aware of that before. i honestly just put that into words and realized it now. that's why it's important to just add absolutely anything that you think might help you even a little bit. anywho, here it is in its current state:

and that's pretty much it! another time i can go over the other pages i use, but this is my version of what a lot of notion users call a dashboard and this is what I've put the most effort into making work for me. i hope this helps you in some way whether it's using this format exactly, taking some inspiration, or just realizing that notion is super flexible and can work for you (even if it's intimidating right now). also i'm so sorry if this is overwhelming but i think it's super satisfying lol. let me know if you have any questions or ideas and please message me about notion because i love talking about it.

[peteywillproceed]

All The Lies

Author’s Note: I’m so glad you guys liked the teaser for this yesterday, I hope the full thing lives up to expectations! As always, I hope you enjoy! x

Summary: Admitting you got cheated on is hard. Being cheated on by the person your best friend set you up with is harder. But telling your best his girlfriend was the other woman? Impossible. What good could even come from it?

Word Count: 3,582

“I cannot believe you!” You yelled, hands in your hair, jaw almost on the floor. “You told him what?”

Harrison just laughed, wiping the dish you’d unceremoniously dropped in his hands after the revelation and putting it back in the rack. “I didn’t know it was a private thing.”

“My breakups are not a matter of public interest,” you told him pointedly “and why did you even feel the need to tell him about it anyway?”

“I dunno, we were just out and you came up and he asked what you’d been up to recently.”

You almost screamed, biting down on your lip before you could snap and say something you’d regret. “You could’ve answered that with ‘she’s good’, there was no need to tell internationally beloved actor Thomas Stanley Holland that my relationship was a complete and utter failure.”

He snorted, draining the sink of washing up liquid and chucked the tea towel into the washing machine. You leant against the counter, staring out of the window whilst you wondered what the most effective way to kill your best friend was and whether this constituted a well meaning kicking-out-of-your-flat. Sighing, you shook your head and blinked back the tears that had pooled in your eyes when you were distracted – you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t think about it, after weeks on the sofa and tonnes of ice cream. It wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.

“Y/n?” Harrison said softly, moving behind you so his chin rested on your shoulder.

You took a deep, shuddery breath, plastering the best fake smile you could muster on your face and spun around to face him. “Yep?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you weren’t ready for people to know yet,” he pursed his lips and rubbed your arm, pulling you into a tight hug when a sob wracked through your body. You clung onto his shirt, feeling the material dampen as you pressed your face against it, trying to remember to breathe, trying to forget the loss of a two year relationship.

“It’s okay,” you finally managed, choking back the sobs, even though it definitely wasn’t. “I just didn’t expect you to be so blunt about it. Or to tell Tom.”

“Well he was going to find out sometime, or were you planning on leaving it till he came over and Justin wasn’t in the flat anymore?”

You laughed between tears, wiping your face with your palms. “That one.”

“And, may I ask, have you been Googling Tom again? Since when did you know his middle name?” Harrison poked your chest playfully and you rolled your eyes, batting his hand away.

“Since he wouldn’t stop teasing me about mine last time he came over, I figured I needed some ammunition.”

“Ahh, you never were that good at revenge, were you?”

“Excuse me?” you gasped, pretending to be offended “what are you implying?”

“Y/n, Tom’s an actor – he’s been teased so much about that name I honestly don’t think he gives two shits.”

You could hardly breathe between laughs, the tears drying up faster than they ever had before, and you wondered if that was what progress had looked like. You’d thought it was progress when you’d gotten out of bed, when you’d stopped eating two tubs of ice cream a day and finally brushed your hair, but the truth was Justin had still been in the back of your mind, always there, always reminding you of that night you so desperately wanted to forget. Except for the first time in months, for that little split second, he hadn’t, and it had just been you and Harrison in your own little bubble.

“Anyway, speaking of the dipshit, he’s home tomorrow,” Harrison pulled his coat off the back of a chair and slid his arms into the sleeves.

You frowned, trying to remember what Tom had told you the last time you’d spoken to him. You’d known both Harrison and Tom since you were young, always that little bit closer to Harrison, and you’d been nervous about Tom coming home because he’d missed so much. You’d dreaded telling him everything that had happened, because he was the one that had set you up with Justin all those years ago. So, when he’d invited you and Harrison out to Morocco a few weeks back you’d stayed behind, too scared to face up to reality. You thought you’d have more time to prepare yourself – he was supposed to be on set for another month. “Oh really? He’s done filming already?”

“Yeah, something about a schedule mixup,” Harrison shrugged and fished his car keys out of his pockets “there’s a welcome home party at Nikki’s tomorrow night, are you coming?”

Oh, that. You remembered the invite, burning a hole in the pocket of your jacket. You’d seen the little white note card lying on the floor last week, but you’d been so caught up in Justin and that stupid picture you’d barely had time to process it.

“Sure, I think it’s in my calendar.”

“I can’t believe you still have a calendar,” Harrison rolled his eyes.

“Hey, some of us like being organised!” You chased after him as he made for the door “Some of us actually make it to appointments!”

“It’s 2020, Y/n,” he smirked, looking over his shoulder as he got the flat door open “It’s time to live a little and take some risks!”

You pushed your tongue against your cheek and tutted. “And what if I don’t want to?”

“Then life is going to make you,” Harrison called, already disappearing into the hallway outside “and I, for one, am going to enjoy watching.”

***

You pulled up to the Holland house later than you meant to.

Mostly because you’d spent half an hour in front of the mirror wondering if it was a better idea to just stay home. But also because you’d tried putting makeup on for the first time in weeks and somehow you just looked worse.

You’d ended up back on the floor, sobbing so hard you thought your chest would cave in and wondering if it was even worth going tonight. You hadn’t seen your best friend in months, and it sucked that you had to ruin it by having a conversation you never wanted in the first place.  By the time Harrison texted you asking when you were gonna get there, it was way past six and you were embarrassingly, stupidly late.  

You shouldn’t have gone.

Yet here you were.

And everything felt so much worse.

“Y/n!” a familiar voice yelled as you hopped out of the car and spun around. Harry was running down the steps and launching himself towards you, pulling you into a tight hug before you’d even locked the car. “Harrison told me, I’m so sorry, Justin’s a dickhead. No wonder you didn’t wanna tell Tom.”

“Yeah, well we didn’t need to ruin two relationships did we?” you laughed, pushing away the pain. You’d practised what you were going to say, run your lines like you were rehearsing a movie. You figured there was no way you were going to make it through this without crying, but you could at least try.

Harry opened his mouth to say something, clearly confused by what you’d just said, but you were interrupted by Harrison flying down the stairs and yanking you into the house. “Finally, thought you’d died or something.”

“Nope just car trouble,” you lied, more than grateful as he dragged you away from a frowning Harry. “Where’s Tom?”

“Right here, darling,” he said, stepping into the hallway and swinging you into the air.

“Jesus Christ, Thomas let me down!” You laughed, bashing his back as he spun you in a circle. Harrison grinned as Tom tipped you upside down, spinning you so violently the black and white floor blurred into one, meaningless grey, and you had to close your eyes or else you would’ve ended up vomiting.

“Six months, SIX MONTHS its been since you graced me with your presence!” Tom turned you back upright and pulled you against his chest, arms wrapping around your waist. “You can let me have this!”

“Yef but canft breafthe,” you mumbled into his shirt.

“Don’t care, you owe me.”

“TOFFAS!”

“Alright alright,” he relented, letting you go. You could feel the heat flooding your cheeks as you smoothed down your hair and fixed your top, rubbing your palms against your jeans. “But you do owe me a proper cuddle.”

“Should’ve stayed in England, mate, there’d have been plenty to go around,” Harrison smirked, but you eyed him wearily, knowing exactly what he was referring to. For a good three weeks after the break up, you were pretty certain Harrison hadn’t left your side.

Tom seemed to pick up on the double meaning, sliding his eyes between you and Harrison in turn. “Am I missing something here?” he asked.

“Depends how you interpreted it,” Harrison said, turning towards the living room. “But you two probably need a catch up. I’ll go find Sam and give him a hand with dinner.”

You glared daggers at his retreating back, mentally cursing him for not even allowing you to take your shoes off. You felt Tom’s hand rest gently on your shoulder, the other tilting your face to face him, and you took a deep breath, knowing that if you didn’t get it over with, you’d never be brave enough again.

“Yeah, he’s right, we probably should,” you sighed, and Tom’s frowned deepened.

“Is everything okay, Y/n?”

You hesitated, gnawing at a loose piece of skin on your thumb. “Not…not really. Can we go sit in your bedroom? I feel awkward doing it here.”

Tom nodded, not taking his eyes off you as you took your shoes off. You could feel him staring at your neck, knowing his brain was working over time to figure out what was going on that was so bad you had to wait to tell him. You knew he’d be thinking the worst, it was just what he did, and usually you never had to make that a reality.

But today…today was different - and you had no idea how he’d take it.

***

“So,” he said, closing the door and pulling you onto the bed “what’s up?”

You pushed your tongue against your cheek and looked everywhere but his face, knowing you’d lose all the confidence you’d built the moment you looked into his eyes. His room was clean, a few pants chucked across the floor and a couple of dust bunnies lurking beneath the bed, but he’d only been a day. He had more than enough time to dirty it up to its usual standard.

“Seriously, Y/n, you’re scaring me now.” Tom’s voice reminded you he was still sitting in front of you, the two little lines creasing his brow even deeper now.

“Sorry, it’s just…I don’t really know how to phrase this.”

Tom smiled, taking your hand in his, and you almost snatched it back in shock. His palms were warm and clammy, just as trusting and open as they’d always been. You had a feeling this might change things. “It’s just me, I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“But’s that’s not the point. It’s just…well, it’s about Maura.”

“Maura? As in, my ex-girlfriend Maura?” Tom drew back slightly, confusion still written across his face. “What about her?”

“Well I- wait, your ex girlfriend?” you stopped mid-sentence, realising what he’d just said, mouth hanging open in shock. Tom gulped, flicking his eyes away from yours, and shuffled backwards on the bed. He wouldn’t meet your eyes, desperately looking for anywhere else to focus on, and this time it was you getting more and more confused. “Since when did that happen?”

“Since before I went away,” he sighed, scratching the side of his head as if that was enough of an explanation. “I figured we weren’t right for each other.”

“But I thought-” You’d been going to say you thought he loved her, thought she was the one for him and that was who he was going to end up with. This all seemed so…so random, so out of the blue you couldn’t even have written it as a surprise twist in a book. You could barely process what he was saying, a thousand thoughts crossing your mind at once. Why hadn’t he told you? What the hell had happened for him to break up with her? But the most important one of all, the one you didn’t really want to let yourself believe, kept flashing in front of your eyes like a neon sign.

If they’d broken up before he went away to film Cherry, then that meant Maura had been single that night.

“Justin cheated on me,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself. “He cheated on me when you were away and I’ve had no idea how to tell you.”

“He did what?” Tom’s eyebrows shot up so fast they were a blur, and before you could process what he was doing he had his phone in his hand and was scrolling through his phone. “I’m gonna kill the bastard.”

“Wait, no, Tom, stop,” you desperately reached for the phone, clawing it from his grip as he tried to turn away from you.

“That arse hole cheated on you, Y/n, he’s not getting away with it!”

“But you don’t know what happened!” You finally grabbed the phone and yanked it away, panting from the effort. “There’s more to it than that!”

“Like what? What possible excuse could he have for cheating on you, Y/n?”

You huffed, folding your arms across your chest. Tom’s face was red with anger, his hands curled into fists at his sides. “We’ve kind of gotten off topic here.”

“Well you were the one that brought up getting cheated on,” Tom stepped towards you, holding his arms out “I honestly had no idea.”

You collapsed into his reach, remembering how much you’d craved his smell and warmth over the months he’d been gone, and sighed against his chest. “That’s because I didn’t want you to know. I made Harrison promise not to tell anyone.”

“But why? It’s not like I would’ve blamed you for it, it wasn’t your fault.”

“No,” you admitted “but, the thing is…he cheated on me with Maura and-”

“And you thought we were still together,” he finished the sentence for you and the relief that washed through you was like water poured on a wildfire. You’d kept it bottled up for months, sobbing to Harrison and wondering how the hell you were supposed to tell him about it. To finally say it, to finally hear him understand, was worth more than you’d realised. “You didn’t want to hurt me too.”

“Especially not whilst you were filming. I knew how much you loved her and I couldn’t bear the thought of upsetting you when you were thousands of miles away.”

He laughed, the sound hollow and unnerving as he guided you back to the bed and held your fingertips with his. His gaze was fixed on the door, barely acknowledging you as you turned to stare at him in bewilderment. “The irony is, you did still upset me.”

You frowned, your lips parting in confusion and your heart beating wildly in your chest. “What?”

Tom raked a hand over his face and lay back against the bed, his chest heaving a sigh as you fell down beside him. His curls were gone, the stubble of his head prickling your fingers as you reached up out of habit to run your fingers through it, trying not to panic. You’d worked so hard to keep everything to yourself so it wouldn’t mess up his work, that the thought you somehow hadn’t even managed to do that was crippling.

“When I set you up with Justin two years ago, it was for a reason other than just wanting you to get out more,” he said eventually, turning to face you. “I couldn’t admit something to myself and I figured the best way to…stop thinking about it, was to pass the problem on.”

“What problem?” you shook your head, still not really understanding what he was trying to get at. Tom’s hand reached to cup your waist and you gasped at the contact, not used to being this close to him.

“You,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours. “You were my problem. Y/n, I’ve been in love with you for years and I couldn’t admit it to myself. I thought if I saw you happy with someone else it would make everything go away, but somehow…somehow it just made it worse.”

You couldn’t breathe, paralysed by Tom’s revelation from your head to your toes. Your eyes were locked with his, filled with desperation and a sadness you’d never seen before, and your heart almost broke at the thought he’d held himself back from this for years.

You’d never given much thought to it really, there’d been the usual teasing in secondary school but once Tom had gotten with Maura it had pretty much stopped. There’d never been any confusion, no wondering about what might have been – to you, he’d always been Tom, the boy who’d wiped a booger on you at six, and copied your chemistry homework for four whole years and never been caught. Sure, you knew exactly what people saw in him, why girls chased him on the streets and oogled him in the gym, and now that you thought about it you’d always liked it when you went swimming.

But he was still just Tom.

“I…I don’t really know what to say,” you said at last, pulling away from him slightly. You saw hurt register in his eyes, and it killed you to be the one that caused it. But what else could you say? You couldn’t tell him you loved him too because it was a lie...

...wasn’t it?

“Anything - anything but that this has scared you away.”

You held back a sob, somehow feeling more conflicted than you had than when you’d come here in the first place. “It hasn’t, I’ll always love you Tom,” you saw hope flare in his eyes “but I don’t think I love you like…like that.”

He nodded, pushing his tongue against his cheek and pulling away from you. Suddenly the air went cold, all the energy disappearing with him, and you wanted to sob at the loss. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, his back blocking you from seeing his face, and you ran a finger across your lips, at a loss for what to say.

You knew today would go badly, but you hadn’t expected it to be because of this. You’d prepared yourself to deal with the fall out of a cheating girlfriend, not a declaration of love, and now you just didn’t know what to do.

Thinking on instinct, you reached out and wrapped your arms around his waist, feeling his shoulders shake as his warm hands embraced yours and he leant back into your body. You glanced at his cheeks, reaching up to wipe away a tear, and sighed into his neck, wondering how you’d gotten here.

“I’m sorry, you probably didn’t expect that,” Tom laughed, the sound full of a profound sadness you’d never heard in him before.

“I didn’t, but I’m glad I know,” you replied, feeling more sure as soon as you’d said the words.

“Really?”

“Of course. It seemed like it was upsetting you not telling me, and if telling me has made it any easier for you than I’m glad I know.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say it’s made things easier.”

You smiled, bending down onto the floor and cupping his cheek. “Maybe not, but things are always better out than in.”

“Isn’t that a drinking joke?”

“It applies here,” you grinned, relief filling you as he cracked a small smile. “Besides, things change.”

Tom’s brow furrowed, big brown eyes turning to look up at you as you rubbed your thumb over his chin. “What?”

Hesitating, you bit your lip and met his gaze, remembering what Harrison had told you yesterday about life and taking risks. This was either a horrendously bad idea or about to change a hell of a lot in the space of five seconds. 

You weren’t exactly known for your rational decisions after all, you barely managed to make it out of your flat alive most days. But the second he’d said it, the second he’d made you question everything you believed, you knew you had to find out what it felt like, even if it was just once and never again.

And so you went for it, without thinking, and pushed your lips against his, feeling the shock wave course through his body and his rigid mouth melting against yours as he finally registered what was happening. For a second, you wanted to pull away, pretend like it never happened, but then Tom reached for your neck and fireworks exploded behind your eyes.

It was like nothing you’d ever felt before, butterflies flapping excitedly in your stomach, your heart swelling and beating faster than ever before. Bolts of lightning raced through your veins, electricity crawling across your skin and setting your nerves on fire as his lips moved slowly against yours. Suddenly, there were no more questions, no more overthinking, just you and Tom, exactly where you were supposed to be.

And, for the first time in weeks, you were stupidly...embarrassingly...happy.

When you finally pulled away, you were both a little breathless, a little starry eyed and overwhelmed. Your lips curved into a smile, a small laugh escaping you as you fell against Tom’s arms and nuzzled your face into his chest.

“Does this mean...” he started, but you pushed your finger against his lips.

“Don’t even question it, Thomas,” you grinned, reaching up to press another kiss to his cheek. “It’s not something that needs to be thought about.”

Before you could think, his lips were back on yours and this time you were in his lap, pulled flush against his chest and he was running his tongue along your bottom lip. 

But before you could deepen the kiss, the door behind you suddenly burst open, Harrison nearly giving you a heart attack as he yelled at the top of his lungs.

“Oh FINALLY! Harry? You owe me twenty quid!”

Taglist: 

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@jinxfanfics @zabdisamor @jillanaholland @enjoymyloves @averyfosterthoughts @ziggyspurplehaze 

[anythingandeverything1d]

Sleepless, stressed, and homesick

Harry’s show had ended a few hours ago, he had showered backstage and was helping clean everything up with the band. You had wandered onto the tour bus, sitting at the small table with a cup of tea and your computer. You were working on replying to fans, setting up new merchandise to sell at the concerts, and organizing Harry’s schedule for the next few weeks. You weren't his manager, but Harry did not manage his time well so you had taken it upon yourself to try and fix that. You had a google calendar for every event that he planned, studio sessions, writing times, fan meet and greets, rehearsals, and date nights had been scheduled in too of course. It was getting to be a lot of work, Harry kept adding more and more to the schedule, he kept changing things on tour whether it was set lists, outfits, or special guest performers, and it was exhausting to keep up with. You heard Harry climbed into the bus and he sunk into the seat next to yours, placing a gentle kiss against your cheek. “Youre still up?” he asked leaning his head on your shoulder and looking at what you were working on.

“Yeah, I wanted to finish these emails, and then also finish this t-shirt design and send it in so that we can possibly have them at the next concert.”

Harry smiled and grabbed your hand, turning your body slightly towards him. He kissed your wrist and then your lips. “You need sleep too, it's been a crazy long day (y/n) and you've been running around non stop.”

“I know.” You kissed him again and touched his cheek. “Ill come to bed soon I promise.” Harry nodded with a smile, getting up to change into pjs and then crawling into his bunk. You let out a deep breath, your face in your hands. The past few weeks just hadn't been easy. You weren't adjusting to the tour life as much as you had thought you would. Being with Harry was amazing, he made everyday brighter and life more interesting, and being on tour with him had really allowed your relationship to grow. It also had its stresses though. Fans crowding you every stop you make, always feeling like you have to be camera ready, being away from home and your friends, and of course all the extra work you had taken on. There were definitely times you didn't always enjoy the tour life. You missed sleeping in until 1:00pm with Harry, lounging on the couch without pants on and eating ice cream while watching Disney movies. On tour, people were always around. It never felt like it was just you and Harry. On top of everything going on with the extra work, you also hadn't been able to sleep. You just couldn't sleep in a bunk, alone, and while the bus was moving around from stop to stop. You didn’t find it comfortable at all. The bed was tiny, the mattress not how you liked it, and it felt very closed in. You shook your head trying to clear the thoughts in your mind and focus on the task at hand. You were working on a really cool t-shirt for Harry’s tour, but it had been a week since you started working on it and every time you looked at it something needed to be changed. It just wasnt working out the way you wanted it to.

After another hour working on the t-shirt design, you realized that the wifi connection had been lost and nothing had saved. You closed the computer and put your head down on the table, tears forming in your eyes. “Baby, what's wrong?” Harry came over, pulled you onto his lap and ran his fingers through your hair. 

You were now crying harder. You were tired, annoyed, frustrated, and stressed. You buried your face into Harry’s chest and he gently rubbed your back calming you down. After a few minutes you looked at him, your eyes locking on his. “The shirt design. It-it didn’t save because the stupid wifi wasnt even working and- and I worked so hard on it and-”

“(y/n), its okay love. If we don't have the shirts, we don't have the shirts. Im sure the new design changes you make will be even better than what you had done. Just calm down and breathe okay? Everything is fine.”

“Everything isn't fine. I hate this bus. I miss my bed, I miss us sleeping in together and cuddling in the morning, I miss not having people around us all the time. I miss not being able to sleep-”

“You can't sleep?” Harry looked at you concerned, his hands still rubbing your back. You shook your head and wiped the tears falling down your cheeks. “Why can't you sleep?”

“Im just not comfortable. The bunk is so closed in, and I’m all alone, and its so dark Harry, I hate the dark.. and then I just feel like I’m going to roll right off the edge and break something.” Harry smiled and you frowned. “Why are you laughing at me.”

“I’m not, I just think youre cute.” He kissed your nose and sighed. “Come on, I have an idea.” He grabbed your hand and dragged you toward his bunk.

“Harry what are you-”

“Shh, go put pjs on.” He pointed at the bathroom and you sighed changing into a baggy tshirt and shorts. When you came back from the bathroom, Harry had moved your pillow and blanket into his bunk. “Climb in baby.”

“What? No.” you shook your head. “There’s no way we will fit in there.”

“If you don't willingly climb into my bed (y/n) I will have to force you in.” Harry crossed his arms and nodded at the bunk. “Whats it going to be?” You sighed and climbed in. Harry climbed in after you, pulling the curtain closed with him. It was a tight squeeze, Harry was big spooning you, kissing your cheek and running his fingers up your arm. You rolled over and faced him. 

“Are we actually going to stay like this?”

“Yeah. You are going to sleep with me so I can make sure youre actually sleeping. Mitch said a lack of sleep leads to sickness and stress and we don't need that here.” Harry rolled onto his back and pulled you onto his chest. You traced his tattoos and leaned your cheek where his heart was. You could hear the gentle thumping echoing in his chest. Harry had his arms tightly around you and was humming softly. “Sleep baby.. it's just you and me like it would be at home. Im not going to let you fall off the side either. You're completely safe here just close your eyes.” Harry kissed your head one more time, continuing to hum a gentle rhythm. You closed your eyes, listened to his heart, if this was how sleeping on the bus would be from now on, it might not be that bad... Eventually drifted off into a peaceful deep sleep for the first time in months and when you woke up in the morning, light was filtering in through the curtain. Harry smiled at you and winked. “How’d you sleep?”

You pressed your lips to his, maneuvering your way onto his body. You deepened the kiss, wrapping your tongue around his and cupping his cheeks in your hands. “I slept great.” you said with a smile, pulling slightly away from him. He grabbed your face, pulled you back to his lips and laughed. 

“I have a surprise for you.”

You sat up confused. “What is it?” Harry reluctantly pushed you off him and got out of bed. He helped you climb down and put his hands around your eyes, walking you towards the bus door. “Harry, you know I hate surprises.”

“You’ll love this one trust me.” Harry had helped you down the stairs, off the bus, and into the cool morning air. He gently removed his hands from your eyes and you tried adjusting to the bright sun. In front of you stood your two best friends. You screamed and ran to them, wrapping them into a tight hug. “I figured you could use a little more girl time and a little less work time.” 

You ran back to Harry, kissing him all over his face. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too (y/n). Now go, enjoy the time with your friends.” He kissed your cheek and you smiled, walking back over to them and planning what you were going to do for the day. You walked them onto the bus, winking at Harry as he walked in for rehearsal. You really did have the best, most caring guy you could've ever asked for.

---

Got this request! Hope its not too cheesy of a story lol 

Enjoy! xoxo

[96harmony96]

Chapter 14

The next morning dawned with an odd surreality. I made it to work, and then through most of my pre launch day in a kind of chilly fog. I couldn’t get warm enough, despite wearing a cardigan over my blouse and a scarf that didn’t match either one. It took me a few minutes longer to process requests than it should have, and I couldn’t shake a feeling of dread.

Lauren made no contact with me whatsoever.

Nothing on my smartphone or e-mail after my text last night. Nothing in my email inbox. No interoffice note.

The silence was excruciating. Especially when the day’s Google alert hit my inbox and I saw the photos and phone videos of me and Lauren in Bryant Park. Seeing how we looked together—the passion and need, the painful longing on our faces, and the gratefulness of reconciliation—was bittersweet.

Pain twisted in my chest. Lauren.

If we couldn’t work this out, would I ever stop thinking about her and wishing we had?

I struggled to pull myself together. Mark was meeting with Lauren today. Maybe that’s why Lauren hadn’t felt pressed to contact me. Or maybe she was just really busy. I knew she had to be, considering her business calendar. And as far as I knew, we still had plans to go to the gym after work. I exhaled in a rush and told myself that things would straighten out somehow. They just had to.

It was quarter to noon when my desk phone rang. Seeing from the readout that the call was coming from reception, I sighed with disappointment and answered.

“Hey, Camila,” Megumi said cheerily. “You have a Magdalene Perez here to see you.”

“Do I?” I stared at my monitor, confused and irritated. Had the Bryant Park photos lured Magdalene out from under whatever troll bridge she called home?

Regardless of the reason, I had no interest in talking to her. “Keep her up there for me, will you? I have to take care of something first.”

“Sure. I’ll tell her to have a seat.”

I hung up, then pulled out my smartphone and scrolled through the contact list until I found the number to Lauren’s office. I dialed and was relieved when Scott answered.

“Hey, Scott. Camila Cabello.”

“Hi, Camila. Would you like to speak to miss. Jauregui? she’s in a meeting at the moment, but I can buzz her.”

“No. No, don’t bother her.”

“It’s a standing order. she won’t mind.”

It soothed me immensely to hear that. “I hate to throw this in your lap, but I have a request for you.”

“Anything you need. That’s also a standing order.” The amusement in his voice relaxed me further.

“Magdalene Perez is down here on the twentieth floor. Frankly, the only thing she and I have in common is Lauren, and that’s not a good thing. If she has something to say, it’s your boss she should be talking to. Could you please have someone escort her up?”

“Absolutely. I’ll take care of it now.”

“Thanks, Scott. I appreciate you.”

“It’s my pleasure, Camila.”

I hung up the phone and sagged back in my seat, feeling better already and proud of myself for not letting jealousy get the better of me. While I still really hated the idea of her having any of Lauren’s time, I hadn’t lied when I’d said I trusted her. I believed she had strong, deep feelings for me. I just didn’t know if they were enough to override her survival instinct.

Megumi called me again.

“Oh my God,” she said, laughing. “You should’ve seen her face when whoever that was came to get her.”

“Good.” I grinned. “I figured she was up to no good. Is she gone, then?”

“Yep.”

“Thanks.” I crossed the narrow strip of hallway to Mark’s door and poked my head in to see if he wanted me to pick him up some lunch.

He frowned, thinking about it. “No, thanks. I’ll be too nervous to eat until after the presentation with Jauregui. By then whatever you pick up will be hours old.”

“How about a protein smoothie, then? It’ll give you some easy fuel until you can eat.”

“That’d be great.” His smile lit up his dark eyes. “Something that goes good with vodka, just to get me in the mood.”

“Anything you don’t like? Any allergies?”

“Nada.”

“Okay. See you in an hour.” I knew just the place to go. The deli I had in mind was a couple blocks up and offered smoothies, salads, and a variety of made-to-order paninis with quick service.

I headed downstairs and tried not to think about Lauren’s radio silence. I’d kind of expected to hear something after the Magdalene incident. Getting no reaction had me worrying all over again. I pushed out to the street through the revolving door and scarcely paid any attention to the man who climbed out of the back of a town car at the curb until he called my name.

Turning, I found myself facing Christopher Vidal.

“Oh…Hi,” I greeted him. “How are you?”

“Better, now that I’ve seen you. You look fantastic.”

“Thanks. I can say the same to you.”

As different as he was from Lauren, he was gorgeous in his own way with his mahogany waves, grayish-green eyes, and charming smile. He was dressed in loose-fitting jeans and a cream V-neck sweater, a very sexy look for him.

“Are you here to see your sister?” I asked.

“Yes, and you.”

“Me?”

“Heading to lunch? I’ll join you and explain.”

I was briefly reminded of Lauren’s warning to stay away from Christopher, but by now I figured she trusted me. Especially with her brother.

“I’m going to a deli up the street,” I said. “If you’re game.”

“Absolutely.”

We started walking.

“What did you want to see me about?” I asked, too curious to wait.

He reached into one of two large cargo pockets of his jeans and pulled out a formal invitation in a vellum envelope. “I came to invite you to a garden party we’re having at my parents’ estate on Sunday. A mix of business and pleasure. Many of the artists signed to Vidal Records will be there. I was thinking it’d be great networking for your roommate—he’s got the right look for music video.”

I brightened. “That would be wonderful!”

Christopher grinned and passed the invite over. “And you’ll both have fun. No one throws a party like my mother.”

I glanced briefly at the envelope in my hand. Why hadn’t Lauren said anything about the event?

“If you’re wondering why Lauren didn’t tell you about it,” he said, seemingly reading my mind, “it’s because she won’t come. she never does. Even though she’s the majority shareholder in the company, I think she finds the music industry and musicians too unpredictable for his tastes. By now, you know how she is.”

Dark and intense. Powerfully magnetic and hotly sexual. Yes, I knew how she was. And she preferred to know what she was getting into at all costs.

I gestured at the deli when we reached it, and we stepped inside and got in line.

“This place smells awesome,” Christopher said, his gaze on his phone as he typed out a quick text.

“The aroma delivers on its promise, trust me.”

He smiled a delightful boyish smile that I was sure knocked most women on their asses. “My parents are really looking forward to meeting you, Camila.”

“Oh?”

“Seeing the photos of you and Lauren over the last week has been a real surprise. A good surprise,” he qualified quickly when I winced. “It’s the first time we’ve seen her really into someone she’s dating.”

I sighed, thinking she wasn’t so into me right now. Had I made a terrible mistake by leaving her alone last night?

When we reached the counter, I ordered a grilled vegetable and cheese panini with two pomegranate smoothies, asking them to hold the one with a protein shot for thirty minutes so I could eat in. Christopher ordered the same, and we managed to find a table in the crowded deli.

We talked about work, laughing over both a recent baby food commercial faux-blooper that had gone viral and some backstage anecdotes about acts Christopher had worked with. The time passed swiftly, and when we parted ways at the entrance of the Crossfire, I said good-bye with genuine affection.

I headed up to the twentieth floor, and found Mark still at his desk. He offered me a quick smile despite his air of concentration.

“If you don’t really need me,” I said, “I think it’d be good for me to sit this presentation out.”

Although he tried to hide it, I saw the lightning quick flash of relief. It didn’t offend me. Stress was stress, and my volatile relationship with Lauren was something Mark didn’t need to think about while he was working on an important account.

“You’re golden, Camila. You know that?”

I smiled and set the drink carrier down in front of him. “Drink your smoothie. It’s really good, and the protein will keep you from feeling too hungry for a little bit longer. I’ll be at my desk if you need me.”

Before I put my purse in the drawer, I texted Cary to ask if he had plans on Sunday or if he’d like to go to a Vidal Records party. Then I got back to work. I’d started organizing Mark’s files on the server, tagging them and placing them in directories to make it easier for us to assemble portfolios on the fly.

When Mark left for the meeting with Lauren, my heartbeat quickened and a clutch of anticipation tightened my stomach. I couldn’t believe my excitement just from knowing what Lauren was doing at that particular moment, and that she’d have to think of me when she saw Mark. I hoped I’d hear from her after that. My mood picked up at the thought.

For the next hour, I was restless waiting to hear how things had gone. When Mark reappeared with a big grin and a spring in his step, I stood up in my cubicle and applauded him.

He took a gallant, exaggerated bow. “Thank you, Miss Camila.”

“I’m so stoked for you!”

“Jauregui asked me to give you this.” He handed me a sealed manila envelope. “Come to my office and I’ll give you all the deets.”

The envelope had weight and rattled. I knew from touch what I’d find inside before I opened it, but still the sight of my keys sliding out and into my palm hit me hard. Gasping with a pain more intense than any I could remember, I read the accompanying note card.

Thank you, Camila. For everything.

Yours, G

A Dear Jane brush-off. It had to be. Otherwise, she would’ve given me the keys after work on the way to the gym.

There was a dull roaring in my ears. I felt dizzy. Disoriented. I was frightened and agonized. Furious.

I was also at work.

Closing my eyes and clenching my fists, I pulled myself together and fought off the driving urge to go upstairs and call Lauren a coward. she probably saw me as a threat, someone who’d come in, unwanted and uninvited, and shook up her orderly world. Someone who’d demanded more from her than just his hot body and hefty bank account.

I shut my emotions behind a glass wall where I was aware of them waiting in the background, but I was able to get through the rest of my workday. By the time I clocked out and headed downstairs, I still hadn’t heard from Lauren. I was such an emotional disaster at that point I felt only a single, sharp twinge of despair as I exited the Crossfire.

I made it to the gym. I shut my brain off and ran full-bore on the treadmill, fleeing the anguish that would hit me soon enough. I ran until sweat coursed in rivulets down my face and body, and rubber legs forced me to stop.

Feeling battered and exhausted, I hit the showers. Then I called my mother and asked her to send Clancy to the gym to pick me up for our appointment with Dr. Petersen. As I put my work clothes back on, I mustered the energy to get through that last task before I could go home and collapse on my bed.

I waited for the town car at the curb, feeling separate and apart from the city teeming around me. When Clancy pulled up and hopped out to open the back door for me, I was startled to see my mom already inside. It was early yet. I’d expected to be driven solo to the apartment she shared with Stanton and wait on her twenty minutes or so. That was our usual routine.

“Hey, Mom,” I said wearily, settling on the seat beside her.

“How could you, Camila?” She was crying into a monogrammed handkerchief, her face beautiful even while reddened and wet with tears. “Why?”

Jolted out of my torment by her misery, I frowned and asked, “What did I do now?”

The new cell phone, if she’d somehow found about it, wouldn’t trigger this much drama. And it was too soon after the fact for her to know about my breakup with Lauren.

“You told Lauren Jauregui about…what happened to you.” Her lower lip trembled with distress.

My head jerked back in shock. How could she know that? My God…Had she bugged my new place? My purse…? “What?”

“Don’t act clueless!”

“How do you know I told her?” My voice was a pained whisper. “We just talked last night.”

“she went to see Richard about it today.”

I tried to picture Stanton’s face during that conversation. I couldn’t imagine my stepfather taking it well. “Why would she do that?”

“she wanted to know what’s been done to prevent information leaks. And she wanted to know where Nathan is—” She sobbed. “she wanted to know everything.”

My breath hissed out between my teeth. I wasn’t sure what Lauren’s motivation was, but the possibility that she’d dumped me over Nathan and was now making sure that she was safe from scandal hurt worse than anything. I twisted in pain, my spine arching away from the seatback. I’d thought it was her past that drove a wedge between us, but it made more sense that it was mine.

For once I was grateful for my mother’s self-absorption, which kept her from seeing how devastated I was.

“she had a right to know,” I managed in a voice so raw it sounded nothing like my own. “And she has a right to try and protect himself from any blowback.”

“You’ve never told any of your other boyfriends.”

“I’ve never dated anyone who makes national headlines by sneezing, either.” I stared out the car window at the traffic that boxed us in. “Lauren Jauregui and Cross Industries are global news, Mother. she’s light-years away from the guys I dated in college.”

She spoke more, but I didn’t hear her. I shut down for self-protection, cutting off the reality that was suddenly too painful to be endured.

Dr. Petersen’s office was exactly as I remembered. Decorated in soothing neutrals, it was both professional and comfortable. Dr. Petersen was the same—a handsome man with gray hair and gentle, intelligent blue eyes.

He welcomed us into his office with a wide smile, commenting on how lovely my mother looked and how like her I was. He said he was happy to see me again and that I looked well, but I could tell he spoke for my mother’s benefit. He was too trained an observer to miss the raging emotions I suppressed.

“So,” he began, settling into his chair across from the sofa my mother and I sat on. “What brings you both in today?”

I told him about the way my mom had been tracking my movements via my cell phone signal and how violated I felt. Mom told him about my interest in Krav Maga and how she took it as a sign that I wasn’t feeling safe. I told him about how they’d pretty much taken over Parker’s studio, which made me feel suffocated and claustrophobic. She told him I’d betrayed her trust by divulging deeply personal matters to strangers, which made her feel naked and painfully exposed.

Through it all, Dr. Petersen listened attentively, took notes and spoke rarely, until we’d purged everything.

Once we’d quieted, he asked, “Sinuhe, why didn’t you tell me about tracking Camila’s cell phone?”

The angle of her chin altered, a familiar defensive posture. “I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Many parents track their children through their cell phones.”

“Underage children,” I shot back. “I’m an adult. My personal time is exactly that.”

“If you were to envision yourself in her place, Sinuhe,” Dr. Petersen interjected, “would it be possible that you might feel as she does? What if you discovered someone was monitoring your movements without your knowledge or permission?”

“Not if the someone was my mother and I knew it gave her peace of mind,” she argued.

“And have you considered how your actions affect Camila’s peace of mind?” he queried gently. “Your need to protect her is understandable, but you should discuss the steps you wish to take openly with her. It’s important to gain her input—and expect cooperation only when she chooses to give it. You have to honor her prerogative to set limits that may not be as broad as you’d like them to be.”

My mother sputtered indignantly.

“Camila needs her boundaries, Sinuhe,” he continued, “and a sense of control over her own life. Those things were taken from her for a long time and we have to respect her right to establish them now in the manner that best suits her.”

“Oh.” My mother twisted her handkerchief around her fingers. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

I reached out for my mother’s hand when her lower lip trembled violently. “Nothing could’ve stopped me from talking to Lauren about my past. But I could have forewarned you. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it.”

“You’re much stronger than I ever was,” my mother said, “but I can’t help worrying.”

“My suggestion,” Dr. Petersen said, “would be for you to take some time, Sinuhe, and really think about what sorts of events and situations cause you anxiety. Then write them down.”

My mother nodded.

“When you have what will surely not be an exhaustive list but a strong start,” he went on, “you can sit down with Camila and discuss strategies for addressing those concerns—strategies you can both live with comfortably. For example, if not hearing from Camila for a few days troubles you, perhaps a text message or an e-mail will alleviate that.”

“Okay.”

“If you like, we can go over the list together.”

The back-and-forth between the two made me want to scream. It was insult to injury. I hadn’t expected Dr. Petersen to smack some sense into my mom, but I’d hoped he would at least take a harder line—God knew someone needed to, someone whose authority she respected.

When the hour ended and we were on our way out, I asked my mom to wait a moment so I could ask Dr. Petersen one last personal and private question.

“Yes, Camila?” He stood in front of me, looking infinitely patient and wise.

“I just wondered…” I paused, needing to swallow past a lump in my throat. “Is it possible for two abuse survivors to have a functional romantic relationship?”

“Absolutely.” His immediate, unequivocal answer forced the trapped air from my lungs.

I shook his hand. “Thank you.”

When I got home, I unlocked my door with the keys Lauren had returned to me and I went straight to my room, offering a lame wave to Cary, who was practicing yoga in the living room to a DVD.

I stripped off my clothes as I crossed the distance from my closed bedroom door to the bed, finally crawling between the cool sheets in just my underwear. I hugged a pillow and closed my eyes, so tired and drained I had nothing left.

The door opened at my back and a moment later Cary sat beside me.

He brushed my hair back from my tear-streaked face. “What’s the matter, baby girl?”

“I got kicked to the curb today. Courtesy of a fucking note card.”

He sighed. “You know the drill, Camila. she’s going to keep pushing you away, because she’s expecting you to fail her like everyone else has.”

“And I keep proving her right.” I recognized myself in the description Cary had just given. I ran when the going got tough, because I was so sure it was all going to end badly. The only control I had was to be the one who left, instead of the one who was left behind.

“Because you’re fighting to protect your own recovery.” He lay down and spooned against my back, wrapping one leanly muscular arm around me and tucking me tight against him.

I snuggled into the physical affection I hadn’t realized I needed. “she might’ve dumped me because of my past, not her.”

“If that’s true, it’s good it’s over. But I think you two will find each other eventually. At least I’m hoping you will.” His sigh was soft on my neck. “I want there to be happily-ever-afters for the fucked-up crowd. Show me the way, Camila honey. Make me believe.”

[good-and-colorful]

Okay, this story is too perfect not to tell.

Buckle up kiddos, it’s about to get weird. (It’s also long, so continue at your own peril).

So a little over a year ago, I had to apply for a security clearance as part of the onboarding process for an internship. As part of this massive pain-in-the-ass ordeal, you have to go get your fingerprints... scanned? Yeah, we’ll go with that word. And you have to go to a specially designated location to do so. Now, you would think, with the number of students at school who have to do this, the designated location would be close to campus.

And that would be reasonable, wouldn’t it, Tumblr?

But this is the government we are talking about, so the nearest location to school is a town 45 minutes away called Monticello.

Now, Monticello is an interesting little town. Its entire economy is based on tourism; you see, Monticello is home to an amusement park. It’s called Indiana Beach (yeah there’s a body of water there) and its motto is “There’s more than corn in Indiana!” (As a lifelong resident of Indiana I cannot disagree more). This amusement park is not your average Six-Flags style deal. Oh, no. That would be normal. No, this place looks like the county fair came to town in 1986 and never left. It is astounding that nobody has died there, either from a freak roller coaster accident or from a heart attack while eating one of their $5 buckets of fried whatever.

Monticello also has meth, which probably explains a lot of what is about to happen but I digress.

Now the place I had to go to for these fingerprints was called Ship n’ Dip. What the fuck is that, you ask? Well you see, I can describe it physically but in order to truly understand the supernaturally fucking weird aura of this place you’ll just have to drive out to Monticello yourself. 

Continuing:

I arrived at Ship n’ Dip on the morning of my appointment and parked in their gravel parking lot next to their hand-painted Ship n’ Dip sign. Across the parking lot, they are advertising FedEx shipping. Odd, I think. That can’t possibly be the same business. I enter the store, and I am immediately taken aback by the smell of old wood and the frail figure of an old lady behind the counter immediately to my right. We are the only two people in the entire store. I look around, and it appears that this woman has stolen a lawn decoration from every grandma in the state of Indiana and is now selling them to the citizens of this meth town in the middle of nowhere. I am the youngest thing, living or not, in this store. The old lady takes one look at my confused ass and goes,

“Are you here for the fingerprints?”

I am no longer in the twenty-first century, and I’m willing to bet I am no longer in this plane of existence.

I fill out the paperwork and she walks me to this fingerprint scanner nestled in one of the displays. I feel like a spy. Here behind this rack of dusty stuffed animals and ball caps is this high-tech government-issued machine. It’s green, like the watch from Ben 10.

She spends way too long trying to get my fingers to scan right on this thing, and like every old lady who ever existed, has to call someone for help. A very tall, very heavy younger man materializes behind us and gets it all to work. 

With twisted knuckles I get back in my car, drive back to school, and promptly forget everything.

An entire calendar year passes. @imcoolwithonions​ has to get his I-9 verified for a completely different internship, and for whatever godforsaken reason this needs to be done at a government-designated location. Now, you would think Tumblr, that since so many students likely go through this process, the nearest location is probably close to campus. 

Tumblr, do you know where this location was?

I am minding my own business on a wonderful July afternoon, innocently doing my work like a good noodle, and I hear from the other room, “Where the hell is Monticello, Indiana?” 

Do you know what it feels like to be a sleeper agent? I think I had a pretty good guess on this July afternoon. 

He explains to me that he must go to a store called Ship n’ Dip, and that it is a store that sells hot tubs. Now I don’t recall there being any hot tubs in this establishment but this entire thing is weird enough already, fuck it, they sell hot tubs now. @imcoolwithonions​ drives to Ship n’ Dip in Monticello, Indiana, and I spend the afternoon trying to remember if they sold hot tubs. Stumped, I give in to my curiosity and Google search Ship n’ Dip, assuming that it never actually existed in the first place and all who go to Monticello are brainwashed into believing they went to a place that takes a different form for each person who visits it. 

No, it’s real, and here is the list of goods and services they offer:

This place inspired the Hot Tub Time Machine cinematic universe. This place is New York’s hottest club as described by Stefon on Saturday Night Live. This place scans people’s fingerprints so that the federal government can grant security clearances. This place spells gift shop “gift shoppe”.

It finally dawns on me: 

FedEx shipping.

Pools.

Ship. Dip. 

I astral project to the top of the sketchy-ass ferris wheel at Indiana Beach. It smells like fried things and sweat. In the morning, I wake up a changed woman.

Two more weeks pass. (Oh you thought this story was over? You thought it was weird enough already?? Strap in, folks, we’re not done yet!)

Two weeks pass, and I accept a job offer out East. I’m home now, still in Indiana. I’m filling out onboarding paperwork and applying for apartments. My guard is down.

I received an email this morning, Tumblr. 

I must go verify my I-9 at a government-designated location.

The Earth King has invited me to Lake Laogai, and I am honored to accept his invitation.

I log into the stupid website, hands shaking, hoping that the nearest place isn’t fucking Ship n’ Dip. 

It’s not. It’s a place in town that, despite living here the majority of my life, I have never heard of. It is next to Round the Clock Restaurant, which is a restaurant that I have driven past countless times without ever really paying attention to it. My grandma took me there for dinner once and made me order milk. This is my only memory of Round the Clock.

My appointment is on Monday. If you don’t hear from me, assume that I have been assassinated by one of the other-dimensional beings occupying one of the liminal spaces masquerading as a government-designated location.

Godspeed, Tumblr. 

[bobbyonboard]

Some Enchanted Evening [Gwilym Lee x Reader]

Summary: One busy Valentine’s Day has you forgetting that it’s the 14th. But your boyfriend didn’t. 

Warnings: cursing? slightly?

Word Count :1.2k

Author’s Note: I can only say I AM SO SORRY to my secret valentine @denimmay​ I know for a FACT i posted this on the 14th, and I don’t know if tumblr ate it or what. I wasn’t getting any notifications, so my anxiety told me everyone hated it, so i didn’t check tumblr for ten days until I got @dtfrogertaylor​‘s message. again, I am SO SO SO SO SO SORRY and please forgiveness the lateness. 

[also thank you to @dtfrogertaylor​ for organizing another wonderful event!!!!]

“Morning, Donna!,” you smiled as you walked into your office building, cup of coffee in one hand and your phone in the other. “Sorry I’m late, I overslept, Gwil was gone by the time I got up. You’re lucky I put on makeup,” you laughed.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re here early most days anyways,” the older woman chuckled, and it was then you noticed the large bouquet of flowers on her desk. 

“Ooooh, John did good today. What’s the special occasion?,” you asked with a wiggle of your eyebrows, leaning over to smell the flowers before you had to head back to your office. 

Donna just rolled her eyes, shaking her head at you. “Ha ha, very funny, Y/N. I bet it’s nothing in comparison to your Valentine’s Day morning. I bet I know why you were late,” she teased. “Tell me, was the bed covered in flowers?”.

“No, that’s not until--,” you froze, looking at the calendar on her desk to see the numbers 1-4 staring back at you. It was Valentine’s Day. It was Valentine’s Day and you fucking forgot. 

It all started to make sense. The way Gwilym let you sleep in, the cute note left for you on the counter that said “See you tonight- xxxxx”. The fresh picked flowers on the table that you thought he must have gotten to “brighten the kitchen”. 

“Oh my god--I have to go,” was all you managed to get out, running off to your office to try and think of something, anything you could do. You were going to make him a nice dinner and buy a new lingerie set to give him a really nice night, but you hadn’t gotten that yet or the ingredients for your meal. Just as you were about to google where to get take out, your boss called you off into a meeting and you didn’t stop again until later that afternoon with the realization that it was far too late to do anything about it now. 

You plopped down in your chair, looking at your phone to see the picture of you and Gwil smiling that was your background photo. He certainly wouldn’t be smiling tonight when you had to admit to him that you didn’t have a single thing for him. 

Just when you were about to close your eyes in frustration, you saw his face fill the screen, and you swallowed thickly before answering. “Hi, baby.”

“Hello, my love. Happy Valentine’s Day,” Gwil hummed into the phone, and it sounded like there was wind in the background.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” you mumbled almost sadly, leaning against the back of your chair. “Gwil, I--”.

“So I was thinking, instead of you taking the tube home, how about I pick you up at work. Say around five-thirty?,” he asked, and you felt your heart break. 

“Yeah, sure, whatever works for you,” you told him with a smile. “I’ll see you then. Love you.”

“Love you!,” he smiled through the phone, hanging up, and you let out a long groan.

Stupid, perfect boyfriend. 

At five-thirty, you made your way out to the front of the building with a sigh, spotting Gwilym already parked out front and waving at you. 

“Hi,” he grinned as he got out, and you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around him and squeeze. 

“The Lee Taxi Service is here. It’s free, but only if you let the driver take you to a surprise location,” he said as he bowed and opened the passenger door for you as you laughed. 

“That sounds like a good way for me to get murdered,” you joked, sitting down. 

Gwil just rolled his eyes fondly, going around to get in the car, turning it on, but not putting it in drive before he stole a quick kiss from you. “How was your day?”.

You told him all about your  non-stop meetings, your conference calls, and the last minute project you were assigned. “How about you?,” you asked. “How did the audition go?”.

“Great!,” he exclaimed, turning left, and it was only then you noticed that he wasn’t taking you home. 

“Where are we going?,” you asked suddenly, trying to notice what was around to see if you’d know where he was taking you. 

“On a picnic,” was all he said, and you raised an eyebrow. 

“Babe, it’s the middle of February. We’re gonna freeze.”

“Would you quit trying to figure everything out,” he laughed, taking your hand as he made a few more turns and eventually pulled into a parking garage. “You wait here,” he told you, heading around to grab a backpack and a picnic basket from the back of the car before he took your hand once more. “Alright, let’s go.”

At this point, you just let yourself be led around by your six-foot-two boyfriend, holding his hand tightly in your own as you eventually came to a set of stairs that led to the planetarium. “Is there a show tonight?,” you asked him, walking up the steps. 

“Not exactly,” he smirked, opening the side door for you marked for “employees”, and at this point, your suspicions began to grow even more. 

“Gwilym!,” a bald man greeted him, extending his hand for Gwil to shake. “We’ve got everything set up for the two of you to enjoy, we’ll let the tech know to start everything up once the two of you get settled,” he told him, smiling at you, and you just returned it with a bit of confusion. 

“Thank you so much, I really owe you,” Gwil said softly, giving your hand a squeeze before taking you through the next set of doors to a lit auditorium with a large space in the middle. 

“Alright, let’s get this set up before they turn off the lights,” he grunted as he leaned down to open the backpack. He placed out a few blankets for you to sit on, along with two pillows. Drinks were produced, along with glasses and plates, before fruit, cheese, meats, and wine were all put in front of you. 

“Oh, Gwilym,” you whispered, looking at him once he finished and put out his hands to go, “Ta-da!”.

“I forgot it was Valentine’s Day,” you blurted out, suddenly feeling like the worst girlfriend on the planet. 

“Oh. That’s okay,” he shrugged, sitting down and helping you sit down next to him. 

“That’s okay?!,” you responded incredulously. “No, Gwil, I forgot. I didn’t do anything special. Nothing,” you added, as if he wasn’t understanding. 

“Love, it’s fine,” he assured you, reaching up to cup your cheek. “You just spent most of the car ride telling me how busy you’ve been lately. Everything is alright,” he said soothingly, and you might have started to believe him. 

“Now lay back, the show is going to start,” he grinned, pouring you both a glass of wine before encouraging you to lean back against his chest. 

Just as you got relaxed, the lights went out, and stars flooded the ceiling above you. You let out a soft sigh of wonder, just as “Love of My Life” began to flood through the speakers, and you turned to grin at your boyfriend.

“It’s a Queen Planetarium show. I couldn’t resist,” he shrugged, and you just laughed softly before leaning up to kiss him. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, beautiful.”

“Happy Valentine's Day, Gwil.”

[maryellencarter]

So for about ten days now I've been playing around with the budgeting app Mint (along with a Google Sheets yearly budget template and a lot of manual work with a calculator, a calendar, and a succession of blank Google Docs because that's just the kind of person I am), and so obviously I have some Thoughts.

* I picked Mint because it's the budgeting app all the financial reviewers talk about, because it's run by Intuit who also own TurboTax so I knew their security and interface would be good, and because it does not come with built-in shaming over any of your ~unnecessary~ purchases.

* Mint is a free app which makes its money by offering you sponsored ads for financial products it thinks you might like, and getting paid by the advertisers when you accept one of the ads. The most intrusive location for these ads is on your dashboard, feed, whatever you want to call it, where the ad tile is required to be the third tile down and cannot be shuffled to the bottom or turned off.

* (There is also a desktop browser version, Mint.com. I have poked it very slightly but couldn't get it to do anything useful. More on that later. I don't remember noticing how the ads are arranged there.)

* The app's general design is very sleek and intuitive, what I'd expect from the parent company of QuickBooks and TurboTax. Other than the intrusive ad tile, it lets you rearrange everything however you want.

* Mint is designed around importing transactions from your bank account for you to do budgetary stuff at, so obviously security is really important, which gives Intuit an edge up on the competition because I'm already used to trusting them with my tax returns. It only seems to sync new transactions during banking hours, which for someone like me who does most of their shopping on Sunday is kind of frustrating. It also won't let you edit or recategorize a transaction till it's finished "processing" a day or two down the line. I don't know if these pitfalls are common to all budget apps but it would probably make sense if they are.

* One thing Mint does that's incredibly handy for me is it lets you put all your recurring bills in one place and even sync them with your phone calendar. I actually had to turn off the phone calendar sync because it was alerting me constantly on the day before payday when I couldn't do anything about the bill that was due on payday, but if you can find the setting to change the alert frequency it might be useful. And having a nice chronological list of what the fuck is due when, is extremely helpful to my brain, because previously I was trying to remember everything in my head and I kept losing bills.

* Going down my tiles as I have them sorted in the app, I don't have much to say about that list of transactions itself, except that you can recategorize them and split them into different categories -- which is handy if the rent included $105 late fees which you don't want befuckening your future averages, or if you bought groceries and also a barbecue lighter at Walmart, to take two recent examples.

* You cannot, unfortunately, rename or edit categories. On desktop only, you can supposedly add categories, but you cannot then use those categories in any of Mint's other functions, which really defeats the purpose. And their ideas of what categories you might need are pretty... idiosyncratic, not to say WASPy, so e.g. I'm currently categorizing Patreon income under "Reimbursement" because the other options were things like "Investment Income" and "Returned Purchase". And transfers to my savings account can either be "Credit Card Payment" or "Transfer for Cash Spending".

* (I suppose I could put my savings under "Investment: Deposit" or something similarly grandiose, but that seems like... a lot for the 31 cents rounded up from getting a pizza at Little Caesars.)

* Anyways. So then, after the obligatory ad tile, comes a nice colorful pie chart of my spending for the month, which I can open up and tab through to look at all the categories. I saw one finance blogger saying you should use the Miscellaneous category for some things rather than getting too granular, but I like seeing the little individual entries for my haircut and my cloth mask and my pharmacy copay. (That last one's going to be a more substantial pie slice now that I can actually afford to start taking most of my meds again. Turns out my prescription for diabetic test strips expired, though, so I have to get ahold of my doctor and get a new one sent over, and I'm looking skeptically at the copays. :P I've been ignoring my diabetes since January, it can wait a little longer till I'm financially caught up from COVID.)

* I can see list-style breakdowns by category and merchant, too. This is one of the few places in the mobile app that my income shows up, other than the actual paycheck transactions. The desktop version has some more places to budget projected income, but the handling is clunky as hell.

* Next up is the tile where I've been spending a lot of my time, Budgets. This is your basic "envelope method" where you create, say, a budget for haircuts and another one for groceries. Each budget has to be for one of Mint's pre-created categories, and when you have a spending transaction in that category, it puts the expense against that Budget. The desktop version has you also creating a line item for expected income in Budgets, and then becoming stroppy when you attempt to adjust parts in the wrong order, so I prefer the app which simply tells you e.g. that you have spent $900 of an allocated $1000 with an airy unconcern for whether the $1000 has arrived in your bank account yet.

* My single biggest frustration with Mint is that you cannot create Budgets based on user-created categories, nor can you delete, rename, or even collapse categories in the list. So if I go to create a new Budget for, say, "Housewares" to account for the $1 barbecue lighter I finally bought (I have large hands and a tall jar candle that has burned down farther than I can reach, okay, it was a necessity), then I'm stuck scrolling all the way up and down past "Investment: Capital Gains" and "Kids: Child Support" before finally settling on "Home Supplies" because it doesn't really seem like a "Home Furnishings".

* After Budgets comes Accounts, which just shows me my current net worth across all my accounts. I actually unlinked my savings account because it was confusing the hell out of me to see a 31-cent transfer out of checking paired with the same 31-cent transfer into savings, so this doesn't show me anything I can't get through my bank app, but if I had current credit card debt or non-retirement investment accounts it might be more useful.

* (I have not linked my 401(k) to Mint. I haven't even figured out how to get into my 401(k), either before or after it transferred to a different handler a couple months back. I feel like those are problems for a later time than "okay how much groceries can I buy and still pay the rent".)

* On the desktop version of Mint, you can also put things like your car in under your net worth as Property. I tried that, found that I both did not believe their Kelly Blue Book valuation at all (it didn't have any option to take into account "was totaled two years ago and looks it but still mostly runs") and that I find it extremely stressful to have non-liquid property listed as part of my net worth. Interesting to know. You learn all sorts of shit about yourself when you try to manage money.

* Next there's a tile that attempts to break down my "cash flow" by month. It doesn't seem to have noticed the Paypal transfers on which I was largely subsisting for the three months it was able to pull from my bank account, even though they show up fine in Transactions, so it's deeply confused about whether my cash flow is Healthy or Unhealthy. For now, with my acquisition of a second paycheck for August, it seems to have settled on Healthy. I might turn that tile off though. It doesn't really... offer much, I guess?

* I have turned off the tile that shows me my free credit score. That's a problem for a much later me. Right now I have more urgent problems, like catching up on my deferred car insurance and my deferred cell phone bill and my deferred healthcare deductions.

* You also can't turn off the tile for the Mint "Life Blog" or the one asking you to rate the app, but at least they sit at the bottom of the app as you scroll down.

* The desktop version also has an entire segment not found in the app, for "Goals", where you can supposedly put in your outstanding debts and figure out payment schedules for them. It sounds really good in principle, but I found that section of the site unworkably glitchy, on both laptop and iPad; I couldn't even get past the screen where you try to first enter one of your debts, as it required me to choose answers from two dropdowns neither of which would actually do anything. I was able to get an estimate from the "saving for a rainy day" goal, anyway, by putting in the amount of a debt and telling it I'd like to save up that much money in a year, but that's nothing I couldn't have done with a calculator and a bit of mental effort.

* Jumping back up to the top of the app, one other thing that does intermittently drive me bananas about the app is, when you put in a bill you get a dropdown where you select how often it should recur, but then it... doesn't recur. You have to manually put in the next occurrence. It's still a handy list of upcoming bills, but I actually had to resort to my phone calendar (which properly handles recurring events) to get a good visual on future months' bills.

* And because there is nowhere to put in your projected income and get a nice projection of "On X date you will have $XX in your bank account", or even better a daily graph of your expected cash flow so that you can see "yeah don't put that $300 in savings you'll need it for rent in two weeks", I've been reduced to, as mentioned above, manual daily projections through the end of the year using my phone calculator, phone calendar, Google Docs, and eventually my damn iPad drawing app (came with a Bluetooth stylus I never got working) because I couldn't find any physical graph paper.

* So. Um. Summary. I guess it's a good app? It's very sleek, it has nice charts and graphs and a good interface. But it thinks you can do a lot more with it than you can actually do. Its main uses for me are probably going to boil down to "stop forgetting bills" (the rolling list format works a lot better for my brain than the phone calendar format, even if I do have to re-enter data every time I mark a bill paid) and "finally figure out how much I spend on food really".

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @cakelanguage!

Wishing you lots of joy this holiday season, I hope you enjoy your gift ☺

Merry Christmas!

Read on AO3

*****

Calling Dr. Love

Magnus heard the Lightwoods before he saw them. Of the three siblings, he only knew Isabelle, and even then he'd only spoken to her over the phone once, but the coffee shop where they'd arranged to meet was quiet and the Lightwoods were making quite a ruckus as they walked in. Magnus stood up and turned around, a polite smile already prepared and ready to start evaluating his newest client - and his mind promptly went blank when he finally saw them.

Magnus was a dating consultant, one of the best in the business. People came to him when they needed help navigating the confusing world of relationships and dating, especially with the things like dating apps and speed dating sites muddying the waters, and Magnus was known for having a magic touch - teaching his clients tips and tricks on how to not just snag that first date with their dream person, but form a steady, long-term relationship with them. Magnus usually preferred to know as little about his client as possible before the first face-to-face meeting, so that he could get a more accurate first impression and know what he was working with, so he didn't know which of the two men with Isabelle was the brother he was supposed to help. But he had never hoped so badly that it was the shorter blond one instead of the tall, dark-haired man with the striking hazel eyes who was having a whispered argument with his siblings.

"Um, hi," tall, dark, and handsome said when he noticed Magnus, his eyes widening slightly.

"Hi, you must be Magnus!" Isabelle beamed and nudged her dark-haired brother forward. "This is Alec."

"It's very nice to meet you, Alec," Magnus said, swallowing his disappointment. It was fine - he was a professional, and there was a reason why he'd sworn off dating, ironic as it was.

They all took a seat and Magnus let them talk - or rather, Isabelle talked, with the occasional jibe from Jace. Alec just crossed his arms and scowled. He learnt that Alec was the eldest of four siblings, hadn't been in a steady relationship since college, and he worked as an accountant. He supposedly had been nursing a crush on a co-worker named Andrew, and Isabelle thought the office Christmas party that was happening in two weeks was the best opportunity for Alec to finally ask him out.

"Who's Andrew?" Alec asked with a frown, the first time he'd spoken since he'd said 'hi'.

"The guy from IT? The one you went to say 'hi' to that day when we went out to dinner with Mom?" Isabelle supplied helpfully.

"Oh, Underhill. I didn't know his name was Andrew," Alec said, and Magnus started to wonder if Alec's siblings had the right information. Why would Alec not know the name of the guy he was supposedly interested in?

"I'm glad that both of you are so supportive of your brother, but do you think I could have a chance to conduct the rest of this session just with Alec?" Magnus asked.

"Sure. Have fun!" Isabelle said immediately, and she and Jace both made themselves scarce.

Alec watched them wave at him from across the street, waiting until they were out of sight, then turned back to Magnus and said, "Look, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not interested in Underhill, and I have no idea why my siblings think that I am."

"So are you saying that you're not actually in need of my services? Not that someone with a face like yours needs my help," Magnus said, and couldn't resist dropping a flirty wink. It would be kind of a relief, but also kind of a terrible tragedy if he didn't have an excuse to meet Alec again, but he had made a promise to himself years ago.

Alec licked his lips nervously. "Wait. I mean, I could probably use some general tips," he said hurriedly. "Besides, I know Izzy means well, and she went to all this trouble of hiring you."

"I tend to work better if you have a specific person in mind. My forte is in helping you present yourself in a way that will fit what your dream date is looking for, and everyone is looking for something different," Magnus explained.

"Oh. Isn't that cheating? I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with someone, then realise that they weren't really the person I thought they were," Alec pointed out.

"I don't mean that you should lie about who you are, just that you should show the facet of your personality that is the most appealing to them. It's really no different from putting in a bit more effort to dress up for a first date," Magnus said with a laugh. "The goal is to get your foot in the door, let them give you a chance. The rest is up to the both of you to figure out together."

"Ok. I may have someone in mind. But what if I don't know anything about him?" Alec asked.

Magnus plastered on a smile. He should have known that Alec was already interested in someone else. "Then Google is your friend. You'll be surprised at the digital trail people leave behind."

Alec wrinkled his nose. "That seems kind of invasive. No offence."

Magnus smiled and shook his head, waving off his apology. "Then try the old-school method. Do you have any mutual friends or acquaintances?"

"Yes, maybe. Or I could just go up and ask him," Alec said.

"Oh no. No, no, no. That'd be tipping your hand, and you'll have already made a first impression without the help of my expert advice," Magnus said, winking. "So why don't you find out more about this guy you like, and we'll meet in a few days, say..." Magnus flipped through his calendar on his phone. "...Wednesday? During your lunch break?"

"Sure," Alec said, then quickly added, "Ok, you don't have to answer this, but since you're a relationship expert, I'm assuming you're happily attached."

"Are you questioning my credentials, Mr Lightwood?" Magnus teased. "Actually, I'm currently single, and I prefer it that way. In this line of business, personal relationships and emotions may make me biased and compromise my ability to advise my clients."

Alec frowned but nodded in understanding. "Sorry, should I pay you for this session?"

"Oh, don't worry, the initial consultation is free. You can pay me when you land your first date," Magnus replied.

"You're really confident about this. Do your tips really work on everyone? What if they say they're not interested?" Alec asked.

"Not interested at all, because they're not into men or romantic relationships in general, or just not interested right now?" Magnus asked. "Maybe they'll tell you they need some space, or that they're focussing on their career, but what they're really doing is brushing you off without really thinking about it - because they don't even know you, so why should they give you the time of the day? The thing is, nobody wakes up thinking 'I hope I don't get to meet the person of my dreams today'. Even the most confident of us don't necessarily know what we want until we see it, and sometimes as part of my job I do a little bit of, well, engineering to create the circumstances for them stop and actually see you. But if you never give it a shot, you'll never know if it would have worked out."

"That's what I thought," Alec agreed.

--

When Wednesday rolled around, Magnus was both dreading and looking forward to seeing Alec again. On one hand, nobody could complain about having an excuse to look at that gorgeous face, but on the other hand, Magnus would have to sit there listening about the person who had caught Alec's attention.

The place that Alec had suggested was a cross between a blue-plate diner and coffee shop, and Magnus started to get the feeling that he was in trouble when Alec actually pulled out his chair for him like they were in a fancy restaurant. The place was worryingly quiet for lunch hour, but Alec was obviously a regular (and a creature of habit) because the waitress knew him by name and just asked if he was going to want his usual.

"What do you recommend?" Magnus asked.

"The breakfast stuff is pretty good, and there're vegan options too - I wasn't sure if you had any dietary preferences."

"I don't, but thank you for thinking of that," Magnus said with a smile.

They made small talk while waiting for the food to arrive, and Magnus couldn't help feeling that the quiet and cosy atmosphere, with both of them sequestered in a corner table, was a bit too intimate for his own good.

"So, what's the name of this guy you're interested in?" he asked Alec, turning the conversation to business.

"Um... Harold," Alec replied, tugging on his earlobe in a sudden nervous gesture and not quite meeting Magnus' eyes, looking down at Magnus' hands instead.

Magnus tried not to frown. It was ridiculous, but he already disliked the guy just based on his name. Alec and Harold sounded terrible together.

"What's he like?"

"He's my sister's friend and he runs his own business. My sister said he's into men as well as women, but honestly, I think he's kinda out of my league," Alec said.

"I very much doubt that, but what makes you think so?"

"He's really confident and vibrant, and he dresses well."

"You're a pretty smart dresser yourself," Magnus said with a smile. "Dark colours, simple but classic. You seem like you know what you like, and you don't strike me as being timid or lacking in confidence."

Alec shrugged. "I guess I'm just afraid that he's going to find me boring. My life is mostly work and family, maybe a drink at the pub with friends now and then."

"Switch out family for my cat and that sounds like me," Magnus said, laughing. "First rule, don't go in assuming you know them just because of what they look like."

"Ok, that's good advice," Alec said with a grin.

"Second rule, make an effort but keep your expectations low. Hopefully it leads to a serious relationship, but for now, you're just getting to know each other. Which leads me to another point I wanted to bring up - don't make your first date with this guy your office Christmas party. Even if he's a colleague, going to an event together makes people assume that you're already a couple, and that's too much pressure for a first date, or even a second date. At least take him out for lunch or coffee first, just the two of you."

"And if he agrees to go out with me, then what? I'm not very good at starting conversations."

"Just be present in the moment and pay attention to what he's saying, and you'll find your opening," Magnus said reassuringly.

Alec hummed and nodded. "Ok, I can do that."

The waitress came by with their food, briefly interrupting their conversation, and after she left, Alec cleared his throat.

"By the way, did you say that you had a cat?" Alec asked.

--

Magnus got back to his office at a little before two in the afternoon, but he was already ready to call it a day. Clary, who was a talented but struggling artist by night and his trusty personal assistant by day, looked up with a bright smile when he came in, but her face fell immediately.

"Are you ok? What happened?"

"Alec Lightwood is going to be the one client who ruins my perfect success rate," Magnus groaned. "Instead of talking about this guy I'm supposed to help him set up a date with, we spent his entire lunch break arguing about the relative merits of cats and dogs as pets."

Clary laughed in relief. "I don't know, that sounds like a great lunch meeting."

Magnus had to admit that it had been a really enjoyable lunch, but that was the problem. "I don't think I should keep him as a client. He paid for my lunch and pulled out my chair for me, Clary. And I have to confess that if I'd been in the market for a relationship - which I'm not - he'd be exactly my type. I'm probably not the best person to try to help him get this date with another guy."

"You're a professional, you can do it! I believe in you," Clary said cheerfully. "Besides, like you said, you're not interested in a relationship."

"Thank you for that vote of confidence," Magnus said wryly. "You know what, why don't you take the rest of the day off? I'm going to need to do some serious thinking to help get Alec at least one date with his dream guy within the next week, so that he'll have a date for his office Christmas party."

"Thank you!" Clary chirped, grabbing her messenger bag.

"Ah, I know that look - you're going to meet the mysterious girlfriend," Magnus said, smiling at Clary's infectious glee and excitement.

"You'll get a chance to meet her very soon," Clary promised, and Magnus couldn't help feeling just a little bit envious of her happiness as he watched her leave.

--

Resolving to keep his distance from Alec, Magnus decided to text Alec instead of arranging additional face-to-face meetings to coach Alec on how to plan the perfect first date. Unfortunately, they'd had as much luck sticking to business talk on the phone as they'd had at their lunch meeting, and they were currently sending each other pictures of the strangest creatures people kept as pets while Magnus was supposed to be catching up with his friends over drinks.

"Who the hell have you been texting all night?" Catarina suddenly asked.

"What? Nobody. A client," Magnus said quickly, shoving his phone back inside his pocket and taking a sip of his martini, only his first for the night because he'd been too busy texting Alec.

"And exactly what type of person is your client into? Considering you two were sending each other photos of lizards and octopuses," Ragnor said snidely.

"Mind your own business," Magnus said with a scowl, then scowled harder when his two friends exchanged a meaningful look. "He's a client. You know that means that he came to me with someone he's already interested in, and it's my job to help him get a date with this person."

"But he's sending you pictures of tentacles on a Friday night," Ragnor observed. "I'm not the relationship guru and even I know what that means."

"You know, if you were interested in him too, you could probably wipe out the competition without much effort," Catarina said. "What do you know about this guy he's interested in?"

Confident, vibrant, smart dresser, self-employed, bisexual, and a friend of Alec's sister. Wait a minute... On a hunch, Magnus glanced at his own hands and suddenly noticed that the watch on his wrist, a birthday gift from Ragnor, had the brand "Harold Pinchbeck" printed on the watch face.

Magnus' phone vibrated in his pocket and he dug it out to read the latest message from Alec, ignoring his friends' annoyingly smug looks.

Hey, I think I've got an idea for my date with Harold. Are you free on Monday afternoon for me to take you out on a test-run?

Ordinarily, Magnus would have declined without a second thought because he had a better sense of self-worth than that, except that he was starting to suspect that he knew exactly who "Harold" was. He dithered on his response for a while, then finally typed "Sure" and sent it before his common sense caught up with him.

--

"Where are we going?" Magnus asked.

"I told you, it's a surprise," Alec replied with a grin.

"A surprise location for a first date is a really bad idea, Alexander. It puts you in an uneven power position and is more likely to go wrong, since you don't know your date that well yet," Magnus scolded.

"But you also said that a first date should be memorable, and that people tend to remember things that they didn't expect," Alec countered. "Anyway, we're here."

"Beekeeping?" Magnus said in amusement as he stepped into the shop with Alec.

"Introductory class to urban beekeeping, followed by a honey tasting session," Alec clarified.

Magnus arched an eyebrow at him. "I'm sure this has nothing to do with the conversation we had about exotic pets."

"You did say to try to plan a date that might be in line with common interests," Alec replied, barely hiding his smile.

Magnus made a face at him, which made Alec laugh, but in the end he had to admit that Alec had planned a date that followed all of Magnus' rules. It was unusual, activity-based to minimise awkward silences, intellectually stimulating, and definitely memorable.

"How did I do?" Alec asked as they were walking out.

"Well, I'm sure Harold will enjoy himself as much as I did," Magnus said drily, then added a bit more seriously. "I had a lot of fun today, Alexander. Thank you."

Alec flashed him a lopsided grin and cleared his throat. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but why did you decide to quit dating?"

"Oh Alexander, that was one of my cardinal rules - don't bring up the exes on your first date," Magnus tutted.

Alec's lips quirked up a little. "But this isn't a date, so it doesn't count," he said softly. "Does it?"

Magnus heaved a sigh in mock exasperation and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, a little tempted not to reply, but honesty as the best policy was another of his own rules. "I decided to take a break from dating because I was tired of having my heart broken. My job is to help other people find love, but my own relationships seemed to be my blind spot, and I just seemed to be looking for love in all the wrong places."

"But someone once told me that if you don't give it a shot, you'll never know if it would've worked out," Alec said, repeating his own words back to him. "I hear he's kind of an expert in this stuff, you should take his advice."

Magnus laughed. "Alright, smartass. Then ask me out properly."

Alec grinned and ducked his head, then squared his shoulders and looked Magnus straight in the eye with a slightly more serious expression.

"Magnus, will you go out with me on a proper date tomorrow night?"

"Only if you let me take you out to dinner first. Right now, if you're not in a hurry to go somewhere else," Magnus said.

"Deal," Alec replied with a grin, and offered Magnus his arm.

--

And that was how Magnus found himself at Alec's office Christmas party that weekend as his date. Unfortunately, as expected the party was boring, served greasy finger food and cheap alcohol, and was full of people Magnus didn't know. But Alec had promised him that they could leave to do their own thing after he'd dropped off his secret Santa present, so Magnus was just walking around people-watching until Alec came back. He certainly hadn't been expecting to spot a very familiar face at the party.

"Clary?"

"Magnus! I was looking for you," Clary greeted him enthusiastically, kissing him on the cheek.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"My girlfriend works in the research and development department here," Clary explained. "I think you've met her. Izzy, I found him!"

At the sound of her voice, Clary's girlfriend squeezed her way through the crowd at the drinks table to meet them, and she turned out to be none other than Isabelle Lightwood.

Magnus narrowed his eyes at the two girls, who were looking entirely too pleased with themselves. "Oh no, you didn't."

"What's going on?" Alec asked, appearing behind Magnus. "Wait, do you know Clary?"

"She's my personal assistant. It appears we've been the victims of a setup, Alexander."

"We were just applying all the tips I picked up from Magnus," Clary said mischievously. "Sometimes two people just need a bit of engineering to create the circumstances for them to see each other."

"After all, who matchmakes the matchmaker?" Izzy stated airily. "Besides, I think Clary and I did a pretty good job."

Magnus exchanged a look with Alec that was both exasperation and fondness for the two girls, and eventually Alec just shrugged and grinned.

"Ok, yes, you did a good job," Magnus conceded.

"I'm done, do you wanna get out of here?" Alec asked.

Magnus nodded and they said their goodbyes to Clary and Izzy. The streets were full of people hurrying off somewhere, so Alec put an arm lightly around Magnus' waist and Magnus leaned into the touch.

"You know, you never did give me any dating tips past the first date rules," Alec said.

"Since we're already on our third 'official' date, not counting the beekeeping, I doubt you need me to give you more dating tips," Magnus pointed out.

"What about tips on when to go in for the first kiss?" Alec asked.

Magnus smiled to himself. "Whenever it feels right for both of you."

As they stopped at a crosswalk waiting for it to turn green, Alec pulled him a little closer. "How about now?"

"Perfect," Magnus murmured.

Magnus tilted his chin up to meet Alec's lips and they stood there kissing, heedless of the people milling around them, until the lights turned green, then red, and back to green again.

[ravenclaw-craftsgirl]

Heart’s Desire Pt. 1

Preface: SO I know i haven’t done a story in a while, and that is for good reason: Writers block mixed in with real world stuff. BUT i do have something super nice and sweet to make up for it. This story is a bit of fluff, so I am rather proud of it. There will be a part 2 and I do eventually plan on combining the two into a master post (possibly with other stories) once I have a cover photo for it. 

The original format is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_3tZlLjHtBtT7uk4maoZFMDtcCL96j7XZW3woMockNY/edit?usp=sharing

However i will also be formatting the story to tumblr as a bunch of you have expressed how you’re not able to view google docs links on your phone. 

Story under the cut 

The streets of London buzzed with traffic in the afternoon rush. Hundreds of Muggles going too and fro, rushing around in their cars as they race to work and home alike. Merula sighed wistfully, watching the Muggles drive around in their cars while she was still stuck at home. Despite everything, she did come here of her own free will, and she did have plenty of things to do while her girlfriend was out working. Even after living in the Muggle world for nearly six years, Merula still marveled at how quickly Muggles advanced their technology; Especially when she considered how far cars in particular had advanced. 

           A timer dinged from the kitchen, signifying that dinner was done cooking. Merula shifted Eleanor, Lilian’s black cat, from her lap as she moved to take the chicken out before it became too dry. A quick flick of her Pinewood wand sent the knife into a chopping the vegetables left on the cutting board earlier as she took out a skillet. A special recipe her mother had taught her before being locked up in Azkaban, one of the few good things that she remembered from her family. Once the knife had performed its duties, it quietly sat by the cutting board as Merula slid its contents into the oil and rosemary mix she had in the skillet. 

Halfway through frying the potatoes and asparagus, Merula heard the front door open and the sound of loud barking coming from the entryway. She smirked to herself, knowing Rook’s excitable nature and how no one could get past him when he was on watch. 

“Okay, okay! Bon garçon Rook. Good Boy.” The silver haired woman grinned as she took off her coat and hat, revealing a doll like arm and a pair of wireframe glasses over Amethyst eyes. Merula walked into the entryway, leaning against the door jam just to smirk at her girlfriend: Lilian Le’Reau. 

                              “You’re late, you know.” 

Lilian moved up to Merula with a smile on her face, as she leaned down to softly kiss her girlfriend. The two stood there for a moment in each others embrace, taking just a little extra longer to hold each other. “Pardonne moi, mon amour. The office was a little backed up today. Apparently attempting to convert mechanical energy into magical is something the engineering department advised the wizengamot against.” Lilian looked down to Merula and gave a defeated smile. “It looks like I’ll need to pull a bit more overtime over the week.”

Merula sighed and held Lilian closer. “All this overtime. I’m starting to think that you don’t like me, Le’Reau.” Lilian quickly sputtered as a slight blush came to her face. “NO! No its… There’s only one person I could love. This extra overtime is simply to make sure I have the entire week of christmas to spend with you.” 

Merula smiled before letting go. She was concerned for her girlfriend and all the overtime she was pulling. That couldn’t be healthy for Lilian, especially with all the added stress of being one of the wizarding world’s best prosthetic makers. Even though they had been dating for nearly Ten years, it was still unusual for Merula to admit she was concerned for someone other than herself. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” 

Merula looked up to Lilian with a small smile before putting up a mask of Bravado. “You had better be! You’re the one who dragged me out here to Muggle-Land so you should at least make sure to have time for me. Now come on dinner’s almost done, Lil. Make sure Rook and Eleanor have their food before we eat. We don’t need them begging for food at the table.” 

Once dinner was done, Lilian cuddled with Merula on the couch while they watched old christmas specials. Merula was still unsure of ‘television’ but like many other muggle items, it hadn’t been anything scary or lethal. During one such program, ‘Frosty the Snowman’ as the movie was called, the phone rang from the kitchen. “I’ll get it” Lilian said almost a little too quickly. Lilian returned with a big grin on her face. “Anything good happen, Lil?” 

Lilian smiled. “A surprise for in a couple of days, Merula.” With that, Merula wouldn’t be able to get anymore information on the matter. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, Merula and Lilian had gone to Lilian’s parents' home for a pre-christmas dinner, as her parents had planned on going on a vacation over christmas and new years. Merula sat on the couch, waiting for Lilian to get off work again as she talked with Lilian’s mother while they waited for everyone to get home. 

     “I never thought to ask, but how did you meet Lilian’s Father?” 

Celia smiled. “Oh that is rather amusing. I was on my way to the workshop I was supposed to start at when I see this curious man on the side of the road. His car was obviously dead on the road but the state of it was frightening. How he had managed to make it work in the first place is still a mystery to me.” Merula smiled as she listened about how Samuel had been stranded while trying to go to University. It was rather nice, knowing that she and Lilian weren’t so different after all. Love happening in the strangest of ways was apart of the experience.

        “After about a year or so, He finally proposed. He almost dropped the ring down the storm drain, but he’s always been nimble.” Celia finished. Merula couldn’t help but giggle a little bit at that. That sounds like something that Lilian would end up doing if she ever proposed. Just as she was thinking that, the door started to open, admitting Daniel and Lilian, as well as Abby and Rorick McKinley. 

“Hey lot!” Abby shouted with a grin before hugging Celia warmly. “How ya holdin, Auntie Celia?” 

Lilian silently sat beside Merula and gave a kiss on her cheek before unwinding her scarf. The family sat around, regaling each other with stories from throughout the year as dinner drew closer. Merula helped Celia place for the table when she noticed Abby and Lilian talking in the Living room. She finished and snuck over to try and catch a snippet of the conversation. 

           “-an yer sure of this. It’s a mighty big risk, even for you, Lil.”  

“Oui. I am sure. And I know that… I’m sure.” Lilian said with a smile.

Meula frowned. What were those two talking about? Was it related to Lilian’s unusual amount of overtime at the Ministry? She couldn’t help but wonder what all was going on and why all the secrecy was necessary. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merula woke up to the sound of her alarm going off. She looked up to see Lilian’s side of the bed empty. She frowned, turning to the calendar on the back of their bedroom door. 

           Only three days till christmas and still Lilian had been very secretive as to why she needed to work so much overtime. Merula couldn’t help but sigh despondently as she walked down to the kitchen. Her surprise was evident when she sniffed the air as she turned to see Lilian at the stove with her pajama pants and a loose t-shirt on as she cooked breakfast. And from the smell of it, it was Merula’s favorite. Cinnamon Oats with Bacon and Sunny side eggs.

“Bonjour, Belle. I figured that you’d enjoy something to eat. It is my week off.” 

Merula’s eyes went wide at that statement. A whole week of Lilian to herself? That was probably one of the best christmas gifts she could get. “Well it’s about time, Le’Reau. Especially with all of the overtime you’ve been working.” The two ate breakfast, Merula trying to hide how much she loved Lilian’s cooking even if it was just eggs and oats. Maybe it was the fact that Lilian made them? Merula didn’t know, she just loved it. She actually once thought Lilian had somehow snuck love potion into her food just to get Merula to enjoy it, though it eventually ended when the two baked some cakes together. She thought of that with a laugh as the two went about cleaning dishes together. “What’s so funny Charmante?” 

Merula smiled and shook her head. “Just remembering how much of a goof you are. Like that time with the cakes.” 

“If I recall correctly, you were the one who dared me to send a golem with a cake to Mrs. Wilkinson across the way. You’re lucky we were still in the wizarding world back then or we would have been in some trouble.” Lilian replied with a smirk on her face now. The two giggled at their dumb ideas and fond times before going back to washing the dishes. 

Once they were done, Lilian began to put everything away when she began to speak.

“So I was thinking… what if I had reservations to that new restaurant in Diagon Alley on christmas? Would you like to go?” 

Merula looked up from her seat, curious and slightly confused. “What you mean like a date night? On christmas? What place is open on christmas, let alone for dinner?” 

Lilian smiled, causing Merula to squint suspiciously. “Well I did say that it was a new restaurant. It’s a fancy kitchen that’s open every day of the year, but only at night. Everyone says that it’s run by vampires, but I think those are just rumors.”

Merula smiled and nodded. “Well, so long as it’s with you, I’d love to. So when are you going to get the reservations?” 

Lilian grinned sheepishly. “Well, I made reservations a year ago. The waiting line is that long. But I hear their food is amazing.” 

Merula sighed and shook her head. “You know, for being such a beautifully smart woman, you really are dense. Something this important, and no doubt expensive, should be planned out and everything. What if I was making dinner or we were going over to someone's house. You’d have made those reservations for nothing.”

Lilian smiled. “I mean, we don’t pay until we’ve eaten, so there’s no harm in missing the time.”

Merula sighed and kissed Lilian on the cheek. “Still, I’d rather you not have to miss those kinds of things.” 

After several chores, the two sat on the couch for the rest of the day enjoying each others company. Merula was watching TV while Lilian was casually reading. The rest of the day was spent between the two silently enjoying each others company and occasionally laying atop each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merula stood in front of the mirror as she put in the two emerald ear studs in. The tiny gems glittered to compliment her simple black dress with green trim. Merula took a step back to look in the mirror, admiring her dress. Even though she had bought this dress back when she and Lilian had started dating, it hadn’t faded or lost any of it’s magnificence as the long dress stopped at her ankle; the straps crossing around her neck leaving her shoulder blades and shoulders exposed. 

“You look stunning.” Lilian said as she wrapped her arms around Merula’s waist.

Merula’s face screwed into an expression of joy and embarrassment mixed into one. She still couldn’t get over how Lilian always so easily made her flush and hot under the collar. 

“Well I would hope so. I bought this dress because it complimented my figure and looked amazing on me. Anyway… You look nice as well.” 

Lilian smiled. She was wearing the dress Merula had bought her after their first date. A simple Navy Blue dress stopping above her knee with long sleeves covering her arms. Lilian touched her forehead to Merula’s, closing her eyes as they stayed like that for the next couple of minutes. “I’m really lucky to have you, Merula. I hope you know this.” Merula couldn’t help but feel her heart skip a beat at that statement. “Well obviously, Le’Reau. Who wouldn’t be changed by dating me? And besides, It’s not like I had eyes for anyone else. You’re the only goofy nerd for me.”

The two stepped back and looked into each others eyes, smiling before Merula kissed Lilian softly on the lips. “Now I believe we need to go or we’ll be late for our reservations, Le’Reau.” 

Lilian smiled as she took Merula’s hand. “Don’t worry. I know a few shortcuts.” Soon they were out, driving in the car through the countryside, skipping past the city and it’s traffic to get to the restaurant on the other side of London. Merula looked out to see the stars twinkling alongside the city’s lights, a wonderful blend of warm and cool lights intertwined in a dance of colors. Merula smiled as the lights twinkled over the fresh dusting of snow over the grass, reminding her of her time at Hogwarts. The car ride went on for about thirty minutes, with only a few cars passing by on the road. It was rather peaceful, especially with the christmas bustle nearly settled. 

Soon the two pulled up to the restaurant, Lilian opening Merula’s door before handing the keys to the valet. “Shall we?” 

“You truly are a flirt, Le’Reau.” Merula said with a confident smirk as the two walked inside to be seated. Merula was enjoying everything about the evening, how cozy and intimate the venue was and how Lilian had set everything up. The snow, the lights, everything… It was amazing. 

The two left the Restaurant, walking over to the park nearby. Merula tugged her coat close as Lilian walked beside her hand in hand. 

Merula couldn’t help but notice Lilian was slightly squeezing her hand. They neared the lake and stopped, watching the lights dance on the waves of the water. The spot that they had first kissed. “It’s just how I remembered it.” Merula said, her tone wistful and reminiscent. 

“Yeah, it is.”

Lilian turned to Merula, letting go of her hand. “I was hoping to say something that’s been on my mind…” Merula turned to Lilian, her heart catching in her chest. What was Lilian talking about? Was this the reason she’s been out for so long? Merula’s heart began racing as she watched her girlfriends every move. “We’ve been together for nearly five years, and I’ve had feelings for since we went to Hogwarts… You’ve seen my every low, every mistake and crisis… You helped me when I lost my arm, never left my side. Through everything we’ve seen and been through, I wouldn’t want any other partner” Lilian said, looking down to her left hand with a wistful smile. Merula watched as Lilian twisted her prosthetic hand off before continuing. “You’re strong, beautiful and resourceful. A star guiding my steps every part of the way. I wouldn’t want to… I couldn’t love any other woman in this world or any other. Merula Snyde-” 

Lilian reached into her arm, pulling out a small black box. Lilian opened it, revealing an elegant yet simple ring with an Emerald in the intertwined bands of platinum, curled over the gem in an elegant setting.

                                               “Will you Marry Me?”

Merula stared at Lilian, listening to her talk and pour her heart out for her. Merula hadn’t realized that she’d been holding her breath until this moment. She stared at her girlfriend, nearly dumbstruck as the snow lazily fluttered to the ground. Her face felt hot as something ran down her cheeks. She smiled, her tears curving down her face as she went to hug Lilian. 

The two knelt there, laughing and crying together. “Yes! Yes Yes a million times Yes you oblivious Ravenclaw! Of course I’ll be your wife!” Merula finally said as she held her fiance. Lilian couldn’t contain her joy and soon broke down into tears as well as the two held the hug. The two soon went back to their car, a new ring around Merula’s finger and a grin on her face. “So I’m going to assume this is why you’ve been working so much overtime. This ring had to have cost-” “An arm and a leg?” Lilian said with a cheerful grin. “Ugh you are the worst Le’Reau…” Lilian kissed Merula softly in front of their car. “Whatever you say, Ms. Le’Reau.” Merula’s heart skipped at that. Ms. Merula Snyde Le’Reau… This was definitely the best day of her life. 

Merula smiled before getting into the car with her fiance. The future was ahead for the both of them and, for better or worse, they’d face it together.