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meobsessions · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! I saw you were taking requests, so I was wondering if you could maybe do a Dutch x reader where its later game Dutch and the reader is trying to keep him from spiraling further and it's just super angsty? If you don't have time or the inspiration to write it, don't worry about it. Love ya thanks!!

Wow, this was requested forever ago, and I just now got to it 💀sorry about the wait, hope this makes up for it (she’s a long one)!

Title: With Me or Against Me

Word Count: 9.4K

Rating: M (swearing, violence, suggestive themes, no actual smut tho)

Summary: When you first met Dutch Van Der Linde, the two of you were in love. It was bliss. But as the gang is on the run from the law, trying to stay hidden and safe, tensions rise and you find the two of you drifting apart. That's not what you want to happen, but you find as you try to fix things with your love it only gets worse. When you finally confront Dutch will it make everything better, or will it be damaged beyond repair?

Here’s the AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191437

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meeting Dutch van der Linde had been the best thing you had ever done.

The work you did to make a living wasn't anything big, but it was enough for you to get by on your own. Delivering packages from one post office to the other was something that most people didn't want to do--it consisted of long days and uncontrollable weather conditions, but you always liked traveling. Seeing different sights, meeting new people, and giving your brown quarterhorse, Scout, some good exercise gave you more joy than spending your days in saloons like it did most people.

The first time you met Dutch van der Linde it was quite dramatic. Like a knight in shining armor, he saved you from some men who had surrounded you while you were riding your horse to a neighboring town. They wanted your packages and you told them to go to hell. Bandits weren't uncommon, so you made sure to always carry a pistol, but the three of them to your one presented odds even you weren't happy about. Dutch showed up out of nowhere, along with a man who introduced himself as Arthur. Dutch tried calmly speaking to the men, but when they drew their guns he didn't hesitate in pulling his own and shooting the one closest to you in the head. The other men spooked and took off, shouting idle threats as they left in a cloud of dust.

When you had the chance to get a proper look at him, you were taken aback by just how handsome he was. Dark hair slicked back, a well-trimmed goatee on his face, warm brown eyes, and a muscular build visible even underneath his dress clothes. You hoped he didn't notice your ogling and looked him in the eye, thanking him profusely. He merely said he was doing what any decent man would do. He was suave, you had brazenly flirted, and then you were on your way. Though you didn't see the man for another week, he never left your mind.

Then when you were delivering packages to a farther town, one that required you to ride through the night, you heard some scuffling in the woods. Thinking it nothing more than a random animal, you urged Scout on until you heard the following groan that was most definitely human.

The last thing you were expecting was to find a drunk Dutch practically passed out in a bush. He didn't seem to be hurt, and it just looked like he had too many to drink after a good night out, so you weren't worried. After getting ahold of your laughter, you helped him onto your horse--his was nowhere in sight--and took him to the hotel in town where you paid for his room. He grabbed your hand just before you slipped from the room, and asked you to stay. Though a part of you was tempted, you politely declined. You just wanted to make sure he was safe in his inebriated state. It was the least you could do for him after what he had done for you.

But if there was one thing you would learn about Dutch van der Linde in the coming months, it was that he was a man of determination.

In simple terms, he didn't leave you alone. He always seemed to just so happen to be at the next town you were to go to. You'd bump into him at the post office, as that was where you normally went first. At first, you thought it was just a coincidence. He took you to dinner that night as a thank you for what you did when you found him. You told him it was unnecessary, but he insisted.

But as time went on, the bumping into each other became more frequent, the dinners were expected, and the talks were longer.

And after a month of this, it became clear that he was wooing you.

Did he do so successfully? Yes. Were you going to take it easy on him for doing so? Absolutely not.

Though Dutch was a man of class, he was also just that: a man. If there was one thing your mama taught you that you remembered, it was that you should never change yourself for a man. So you didn't.

You showed him who you were. What you liked doing. How you enjoyed your freedom and independence, more than most women you've encountered in your travels get the pleasure of enjoying. You expected him to be appalled, disgusted, wanting to move onto some other submissive woman.

But instead of doing so, he was like a moth to a flame and came around even more.

You met the group of people he traveled with, the people he called his family, and soon you came to understand why. The women were easy to get along with, and then men had their challenges, but don't they all?

After seeing each other for four months, you finally discovered the true nature of what it is that Dutch and his family did. You had been delivering a small box to one of the fancier towns in the country when you began to hear gunshots. When you walked down the street, you saw that the bank was being robbed. This wasn't uncommon--people didn't have money and some figured the only way to get it was by force.

But what shocked you was the familiar voice that was calling out orders to the men who had bandanas on their faces as they ran from the building, large bags clutched in their hands. The man, whose hair was as dark as the night, turned in your direction and seemed to lock eyes in the crowd. He paused, and then another one of the men, this one also with familiar sandy blonde hair, grabbed his arm. He seemed to shake it off and ran around the back of the bank.

Needless to say, when you saw Dutch that night you confronted him. You weren't going to keep secrets between the two of you, not when you were beginning to harbor some serious feelings for the man.

He admitted to seeing you, and that he didn't want you to find out--at least not in the way you had. He told you what you did, how he had dreams of making a safe home for his family where they could live comfortably for the rest of their lives.

And man if that dream didn't sound beautiful to you.

And when he showed you how much money he managed to get from the bank, it didn't hurt either.

Shortly after that, Dutch asked you to join the group, to travel with them. He told you they were going farther south than they had before, and that he couldn't bear to leave you. He wanted you to come with him, to be with him.

And there was no way you could say no to that.

So here you are, almost a year later, still sticking around.

Even after the hot pile of horse shit that was Blackwater.

That was rough on Dutch, but you were there to help calm him down and think clearly. The two of you were a power pair: the gang looked up to you. Where Dutch was the leader, telling everyone what the plan was for the next step and making sure everyone was provided for, you were there at his side to look after everyone and make sure they had what they needed. You were the one they came to if they really wanted something because they knew that if you batted your lashes at Dutch there was no way he could say no.

He both loved and hated it, you could tell. But he never told you to stop.

And though you and Dutch love each other deeply, ready to lay your life down for the other should it come to it, you've also noticed that he's been...more withdrawn as of late.

You shouldn't complain. A lot has happened in the past six months, and unfortunately, not much of it is good.

Sean was killed after someone ratted the gang out to the families in Rhodes. Kieran was beheaded as a warning to your gang. Arthur was kidnapped by the Pinkertons, and try as you had to convince Dutch to go after him, Micah was there to whisper in his ear that it wasn't a good idea. You already butt heads with Micah as it is, and you had thought for sure that Dutch would listen to you, but Micah's voice was stronger you suppose. It had hurt, but when Arthur miraculously showed back up on his own, all attention was fixed on getting him better so you pushed it to the back of your mind.

The time in Saint Denis was nice. Dutch took you to dinner like he did when you first started seeing him. He even took you to the theater and judging by how Dutch simply watched you instead of the show, you get the feeling that he took you there simply for your own pleasure instead of his own. You thanked him in more than one way later that night in your tent.

Then when he made a plan to rob the bank in Saint Denis, you got a bad feeling in your gut. It didn't sound right to you, and Hosea agreed. In a rare moment, Dutch seemed to display a show of jealousy that you were siding with Hosea over him. You tried to reassure him that you were just looking out for everyone's best interests, but he didn't want to hear it. You didn't like the plan, so you excused yourself from the job and stayed back at camp.

And severely regretted it.

Hosea and Lenny were killed. The others who went to the bank, Dutch included, disappeared. For a month. All of you thought them dead, unsure if they managed to escape or if the Pinkertons eventually got them in the end. You were all overcome with grief, and you were riddled with guilt for not being there. Maybe something would have gone differently, maybe if you had tried harder to convince him to stay...

But they came back. Dutch clutched you to him like you were what he needed to survive, and you didn't leave his side (or stop crying) for nearly three days. He put up no argument and didn't complain when you doted over him. He had lost weight, was injured in more than one place, and compared to the other men in the gang when they also eventually regrouped, he was lucky. Javier was shot.

And so you thought things were finally moving in a better direction. He grieved for those you had lost. For Lenny, for Hosea...and you were there for him. There to hold him when he needed it, there to comfort and care. You were his rock.

And when you arrived at Beaver Hollow, he seemed to be a little more positive than before. Everyone did. Maybe it was the location, maybe it was the town that was nearby where nobody knew who any of you were, or maybe it was the fact that he was inspired once more to look for a place for all of you to settle down. This was finally it, you hoped, and then you could live the rest of your days out happily.

Except Dutch started spending less time with you and more with Micah and Bill. More time was spent either at Micah's table or in your tent, and Dutch didn't allow you in the tent when he was talking over plans with the men.

You had frowned and argued. "Since when am I not included in the plans?"

He shook his head and cupped your cheek, but you stepped out of his touch, unable to hide how hurt you were from being excluded. "We don't keep secrets, Dutch."

"It's not a secret," he had frowned, "it's a plan. The less who know, the better. I promise that once we get everything laid out here, it'll already be over. It just ain't...the safest of things, Sweetheart."

You didn't want to hear his words anymore and so you left.

And that was the beginning of the rift.

Dutch tried to patch things up at first, reassuring you that he was doing this for your safety, but you just wanted him to be done with his plans. You didn't want any more risky business like the bank in Saint Denis. Hosea's death had been the last you could take. You couldn't lose him too.

But bringing up Hosea's death was a bad idea. He had closed off almost immediately. Micah had snickered and told you to go sew with the other women where you'd be useful, instead of distracting the boss. You had scoffed at his words, expecting Dutch to come to your defense, but...he didn't.

And so the hurt between the two of you grew. You stopped actively seeking him out, and he did the same with you. You started spending more time with Miss Grimshaw and Arthur on occasion, going out to hunt with him just so you'd feel useful. He knew that there was something wrong, but he never asked. And for his silence you were grateful.

One morning something was different. Dutch was gone already when you wake up, and as of late that isn't odd. It hurts your heart to think about how you were when you first moved in with him, how he would hold you in his arms as if you were the most precious thing he'd ever had in the world. He told you about Annabelle, about how deeply he cared for her. You told him about your own experience with love. About the man you had been engaged to for a time, about how you broke it off because he wanted to keep you at home.

He told you how though he cared deeply for Annabelle, he never thought it possible to love a person more...until he met you. And you told him you never knew what it meant to love someone until you met him.

But these days you don't get that feeling from him anymore. It's like breaking up, even though you're still seeing the person. It's awful.

And the worst part? You still love him with every breath you take. You still watch him as he walks through camp, as he talks with the others. When he glances your way you turn, almost embarrassed that he would think you were looking at him, even though just a little bit ago you would have done so without hesitation.

You miss your best friend.

"You listenin'?"

You tear your eyes away from where Dutch is deep in conversation with Micah, a frown tugging the edges of his lips down. Tilly has her hands on her hips as she waits for an answer from you. "Yeah, sorry. Just lost in thought, I guess."

She scoffs and shakes her head. "Lost in thought my ass."

You frown but take your turn and place a domino down, not saying another word on the subject. Mary-Beth looks between the two of you silently, her journal forgotten in her lap.

"Y/N, when was the last time you was out of camp?"

You glance over at Mary-Beth, trying your best not to look over her shoulder at the man who's constantly on your mind. "I dunno...about two weeks ago, I reckon."

She frowns, tapping her lips with her pencil. "You're lookin' a little worn. Maybe some new scenery would be good for ya."

You can't help the weak smile you give her. "Are you sayin' I look bad?"

She laughs softly at that. "Not at all. I think we could all do with a nice ride around the area. We ain't really...checked it out since we got here. Only a few of the men have had the chance. There ain't no good reason we shouldn't go."

You look to the sky. Though it's only the middle of the day, the sky isn't that bright. There are gray clouds in the sky, a warning of rain to come. Hopefully, it won't happen for a few hours yet.

She's right. Maybe some fresh air, a place that's new and will offer a distraction would be nice.

This time you allow your eyes to drift to Dutch. He's still deep in thought, and you can't help but sigh. Maybe it would be good for more than just you to get out of here for a little bit.

Tilly can already see where your thoughts are heading. She throws the rest of her dominoes on the table in frustration and crosses her arms, startling you and Mary-Beth. She looks between the two of you. "What? Just go ask him already."

You snort, and that manages to get a lip twitch from her. You stand and take a deep breath. "I will. Just give me a minute."

You smooth your hand over your skirt, smoothing it as you muster up the courage to speak to Dutch. It shouldn't be this hard, you think to yourself, and just that reminder makes a twinge of sadness race through you.

Maybe this can be the first step back in the right direction. Just a simple ride, right? Just to go see what's out there? He knows how much you like traveling. You know he does too, so maybe he'll be open to spending some time with you.

Micah spots you first as you walk over. He stops speaking and sneers, not even trying to hide his disgust at you. He's always been jealous of the sway you've had with Dutch, and now that he's somehow managed to gain that upper hand, you can understand how he was feeling. You want nothing more than to rip that mustache off his face.

Dutch lifts his head and stares at you without saying a word. Of course, he wouldn't speak first.

You clear your throat. "Me 'nd the ladies was thinkin' of takin' a ride around the area, getting out of camp for a while."

"Just another excuse to avoid the work that needs done 'round here." Micah's voice is dripping with disdain. Dutch shoots him a displeased look but doesn't say anything.

You continue on. "...how does that sound?"

He takes a deep breath, folding his arms over his chest and looking away from you. "Take Arthur or John with you. We don't know who's living around the area, so just be safe."

You purse your lips. "I was hopin' you'd come with us, Dutch."

His eyes flit to yours quickly, and the surprise in them is gone just as fast as it was there. But you still saw it. Did he not think you wanted him to come?

He sighs and reaches into his pocket, pulling out his pocket watch and checking the time. "I'm too busy today, Y/N."

You frown. "You can't spare any time? Any?"

"He said he's busy," Micah jumps in. You throw a glare at him.

"I'm not talkin' to you."

"And it's obvious that he don't want to talk to you."

You can't ignore the hurt that Micah's words send through you. Because even though you know he's just trying to make you leave, there's truth behind his statement. Dutch doesn't want to talk to you, otherwise, he'd be looking you in the eye right now.

"Is that how it's goin' to be between us, Dutch?" You ask quietly. You wave a hand out at Micah. "I barely see you anymore, we can't share more than a few words, and Micah is answerin' for you now? Is that what he is, your bitch?"

Dutch does look at you now, but he's glaring. He's never looked at you like that before. You take a step back, unsure of how to handle this situation. It was never meant to escalate like this.

"Better than bein' his whore," Micah chuckles evilly, and you reach across the table and smack him across the face before he's able to get another word out. The camp goes silent. Micah is on his feet in a second, hands balled into fists at his sides and lip curled.

"I'll fuckin' gut you, ya slimy--"

"Micah," Dutch barks, standing as well and facing the man, giving you his back. You're not sure what look it is he gives the blonde man, but whatever it is is enough to make him sit back down in his chair. That doesn't mean he doesn't continue to throw dirty looks your way.

"You're just going to let him say stuff like that? You're not going to say anything?" You ask, pointing at Micah. He looks like he wants to jump across the table and bite your finger off. You don't care that you're shouting at this point. Everything has gone too far--the old Dutch would never have allowed Micah to even look at you like that. "You're going to let him call me a whore and not say a god damn word?"

"You slapped him," Dutch says lowly, turning to look down at you. His brows are pulled together as he frowns down at you, annoyed that this is happening. That people in camp are listening in.

"Because he called me a whore, Dutch. It was an insult to me, and it was an insult to you." You shake your head, unable to believe that you even have to explain yourself. "Be honest with me Dutch, because that's all I've ever wanted from you was, to be honest. Do you even care anymore?"

He blinks, some of his anger fading away. He clearly wasn't expecting that question to come from you, not right now. "What?"

You feel your eyes begin to burn as the hurt, the loneliness, the grief from the past months start to creep forward. "About me. Do you care about me anymore, Dutch? I feel like I'm alone. I feel like you don't even want to be around me. I feel like a god damn nuisance to you anymore."

His face softens, and he murmurs your name quietly. "I didn't mean--"

"She's just lookin' for attention, boss. We got more important things to do." Micah growls, the back of his hand pressed to his inflamed cheek. Your eyes cut to him briefly before going back to Dutch.

Do it, you think to yourself, prove him and me wrong. Prove that you still care about me. Pick me over him.

But Dutch just snaps his mouth shut, tight enough that you can hear his teeth clack. A muscle ticks briefly in his jaw. "I am trying to plan something for all of us, Y/N. A better way of livin'. I can't do that if I can't focus, and all it seems that anybody around here can do anymore is distract me."

And just like that, your heart drops to your stomach.

You let out a shaky breath as tears start to stream down your face. Dutch's eyebrows raise in surprise and he flinches, his hand automatically reaching out towards you even though he probably doesn't mean for it to. "Y/N--"

"Don't touch me," you hiss, taking a step backward out of his reach, "don't talk to me. I can't do this to myself. I love you, Dutch van der Linde, and you're breaking my heart."

You turn without another word, refusing to look him in the eye. You pass the table you just sat at with the women, ignoring their sympathetic looks and the way the men politely avert their eyes as you walk past.

Only one man tries to stop you. "Y/N," Arthur calls, jogging to reach your side, but you throw a hand out behind you to tell him to stop.

"I'm goin' out," you say, hating the way your voice shakes. You go over to Scout and don't even bother putting the saddle on him, knowing you'll be gone quicker if you go bareback. You hike up your skirts and throw yourself on his back, grabbing fistfuls of his mane and finally looking down at your other friend in this camp. Arthur looks lost, like he isn't sure if he should push and follow you anyway or give you the space you're asking for. "Don't follow me. I need time alone to fuckin' think."

You squeeze your legs and Scout takes off, going faster than you asked but letting it go since it's been a while since he's been allowed to move like this. You let the sounds of camp fade away in the dust that Scout picks up and focus on getting as far away from this nightmare as you can.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You'll never admit it to anyone, but part of you knows that riding off like that, alone, when there's a storm gathering in the sky and the sun is beginning to set might not have been the smartest thing to do.

But you're feeling sad, hurt, betrayed, so you don't really give a shit.

When you first rode off you headed towards the nearby town, but you remembered you don't have any money or weapon on you, so you turn and head off down the trail through the woods instead. It's an obvious path and doesn't seem all that threatening, and Scout is calm as he trots along, so you push any possible fears to the back of your mind and instead focus on stewing about what has happened between you and the man that you would kill for.

You give Scout control and allow him to wander wherever he pleases, satisfied when he decides to linger around a small stream just away from the main trail. You dismount and sit down at the bottom of a tree, pulling your knees up to your chest and watching Scout as he starts sniffing around the area. Once you're ready to go you'll whistle for him and he'll come, but for now you're fine with just being here for a while.

The sound of the stream is calming in ways you didn't think possible, and every once in a while you see a rogue squirrel or bird come to the area before catching sight of you and quickly scurrying off.

You just can't believe that Dutch is acting like this, treating you like this. You fell in love with the Dutch who knew what he wanted but cared enough for everyone else that he was careful about making such rash decisions. And most importantly of all, he included you in what he was doing. It made you feel wanted, made you feel like he needed you by his side.

And now?

Now you feel like a bother. Like you're some garbage he's stuck with and he's looking for the closest trash can to throw you out in.

You gave up your life for this man because you wanted to. You wanted to travel with him, join his family, be by his side. As you were around him, you got to know the real Dutch van der Linde. The one who had big dreams and wanted to share them with you. The Dutch who loved you.

You don't know if that man exists anymore.

It's not until a tear falls on your hand that you realize you're crying. You wipe your face clean and stand to your feet, deciding you can go for another ride and looking around for Scout. You don't want to shed any tears, especially for a man who no longer shares the same feelings for you as you do for him.

Not spotting Scout, you put your fingers in your mouth and whistle loudly. An answering whinny sounds just down the stream, so you start trudging down the rocks in that direction.

"--the hell is a horse doin' down here?"

You hesitate on a rock, looking down the path and seeing a man sitting astride his own horse as he peers at Scout. He doesn't look threatening, and you don't spot a gun on him anywhere, so you continue moving and clear your throat, alerting him to your presence.

"Oh, hello," he frowns as he greets you. Not the most welcoming thing, but you've certainly had worse. "Didn't see ya there."

"Hello," you keep one eye on him as you walk up to Scout and scratch his muzzle when he thrusts it in your direction, "sorry if he startled you."

He looks you over from head to toe, almost as if he's assessing if you're a threat like you did with him just a moment before. "Just surprised is all. Ain't many wild horses 'round here."

"He ain't wild, we were just takin' a ride is all."

"He's not wild?" He asks, sounding surprised even though he can clearly see how easily you're interacting with him. You take a better look at the man. He seems to be around his mid-forties, with long legs and a lanky frame. Though he looks like a twig you wouldn't doubt that he's got more strength in him than he's willing to show. You know better than to judge a book by its cover, especially considering some of the people you live with.

"No, sir, he ain't. I was just headin' back home, but it was nice to meet you."

"You out here by yourself?"

You keep your back to him as you mount up on Scout once more, making sure to hide the way your eyes widen at his question. Why is he being so pushy?

"No, sir, my brother is just upstream. We're on our way to visit our father."

The man strokes a hand over his clean-shaven face in thought. It isn't until now that you start to feel a hint of unease bloom inside you. Get out, your mind says to you, get away from here.

"Well, these places ain't nice to a lady on her own, 'specially one who's as pretty as you are. Would you like me to ride with ya until you meet up with your brother?"

You shake your head as the fear you had pushed away earlier starts to come back. "I appreciate the offer, but it's unnecessary. Have a nice day."

With a gentle squeeze of your legs, Scout starts walking up the stream and away from the mysterious stranger. "Hope you get there soon!" He calls after you, his voice scaring all the critters that had been lingering in the bushes. "Rain's comin'. Stay dry!"

You say nothing and make Scout move a little faster, just wanting to get out of there. Thankfully you don't notice anyone following you, even five minutes after you left the area, so the man didn't follow you. A sigh of relief escapes you and you start pushing Scout back in the general direction of the camp.

The man was right about the weather. Not twenty minutes into your ride back to camp and the rain starts. It's a small trickle at first, nothing too bad, but then five minutes later and it's as though the gates of heaven themselves have opened up and the earth is being flooded for the second time. You have to rely on Scout to really know where he's going, as the rain is so heavy that you can barely see more than five feet in front of you. Your clothes are soaked less than a few minutes later, and you're starting to seriously regret riding this far from camp. Or any shelter, really.

Thirty minutes later and the rain has lessened, though it's still steady as it falls from the clouds. The cold no longer bothers you, but you're not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Scout is puffing and constantly shaking his mane, trying to clear off some of the rain running into his eyes, and you feel guilty that your horse is suffering because you needed to be alone.

"I'll give you lots of treats when we get back," you pat his neck, "promise."

"Hey!"

You look up ahead and see that just off the main path there are a few men standing on the ground by their horses, looking directly at you. They're dressed in long black coats and hats that are shielding their faces from the rain. As you ride closer, you can see that they have pistols strapped around their waist. That uneasy feeling from before comes back again.

"Can't talk," you call out as you get close, "weather is unkind, gentlemen."

Two of the four men step away from their horses and into the path, causing Scout to slow down automatically. You grip his mane tightly and sit up straighter as they force you to stop anyway.

"Sorry 'bout holdin' you up, Miss," the one man says as he walks over to Scout's side to peer up at you. He's tall and well-built, and if you had to guess you would say he was either involved with the law in some way or a ranch hand. "But we just wanted to know if ya saw a man here recently. Tall, middle-aged. Has dark hair, nearly black, dresses real smart?"

You fall silent, the image in your head instantly forming into one of Dutch. You swallow and wipe some of the rain off your face before shaking your head. "No, sir. Haven't seen him."

The man nods, but judging by the way his lips thin you can tell he isn't happy with your answer. He waves the other man standing in the path over, and he goes to stand on Scout's other side. The man walks up and places a hand on Scout's muzzle, acting like he's petting your horse when in reality you know that that's not his intent.

"Say, this ain't the kinda place for a woman to be out alone," the first man says, and you tighten your hold on Scout's mane. "What're the odds you're out here travelin' alone?"

"Small," you say through a thin-lipped smile. "My brother is waiting. The storm just caught up to us. Now if you'll excuse me--"

"Haven't seen any other man ride through here," he interrupts your excuse, "think it'd be best if you waited here with us for a while."

You narrow your eyes. "No. Step away from my horse, please."

The second man chuckles humorlessly. "Better listen to what he says, Sweetcheeks."

When you feel a hand start to creep up your leg that's pressed against Scout's side you inhale sharply, caught off guard by the brazen touch. You don't hesitate when you tighten your grip on your horse's mane and squeeze your thighs, urging him off and away from the men. You startle the two men with your sudden departure and you hear swearing before there are some whistles behind you.

Looking over your shoulder through the rain you're just able to make out the four men as they mount their horses and take off after you, shouts of glee echoing through the thunder. You force down the panic that threatens to rise inside you and face forward once more, lowering yourself and trying to help Scout ride as fast as possible.

The rain makes it hard to see, but thankfully Scout has a good sense of where to go and where to avoid. He takes you through the woods and weaves around trees, making it harder for the pursuing men to follow your trail. You start to feel like you might actually make it out of here, that you might actually succeed in losing them.

Until they start firing their guns. As good of a horse as Scout is, if there's one thing he hates it's guns. He spooks and startles so bad that he trips over his own hooves, nearly sending the two of you tumbling forwards. You can tell from their shots that the men aren't trying to hit you, but they are trying to scare you.

Sadly, it's working.

Just as Scout makes a breakthrough the woods into an open clearing, a bullet is fired too close for comfort and lodges itself into the bark of a tree just by Scout's head. Your poor horse rears and lets out a whinny of pure fear, and if you weren't bareback and if it hadn't rained then you would've been able to hold on. But Scout is too slippery and is shaking too much so you fall onto your back on the hard ground with a muffled thud, the impact knocking the breath out of your lungs and causing you to bite your tongue hard enough to draw blood. Scout takes off into the clearing and over a hill until he's out of sight, leaving you for the wolves.

The men ride out of the woods and surround you just as you start to push yourself up, two of them immediately hopping down and circling you like vultures. The one from before who touched your leg kneels down beside you and shoves you back onto the ground by your shoulders, looking up and down your body with a disgusting glint in his eye. You reach up and slap his face, just like you did to Micah a few hours ago, and give him a good kick to his chest as well for good measure. He falls away from you with a grunt and his eyes turn angry, his lips pulling down in a sneer.

You just can't seem to please any men.

Not that you care to please them.

"Son of a bitch--"

"--just hold 'er down--"

"--make sure she ain't got any weapons--"

You let out a scream of frustration as multiple sets of hands grab hold of you then, one of them holding you down again by your shoulders, another skimming over your clothes to check for a gun or knife, another just touching and feeling and being all over intrusive. You try not to panic, you try to fight back, but when a fourth pair of hands grabs hold of your own and starts to wrap rope around them, effectively restricting you, you start to feel hopeless.

"Let me go!" You cry out, your voice competing with the cracks of thunder that shake the sky above you. Rain is falling into your eyes and mixing with your tears as you grit your teeth. "I'll fuckin' kill all of you! Get away from me!"

"Let's take her to the cabin," one of the men says, and the other starts making noises of agreement. You're pulled up onto your feet and then thrown over the shoulder of one of them like a sack of potatoes, but you continue fighting. You bang your fists into his back, kick your legs, scream until your throat feels like it's going to start bleeding.

And then one harsh strike to your head with the butt of a rifle takes the fight out of you. You try to stay awake as your vision swims, your ears ring, and your stomach churns, the man's shoulder suddenly pressing into the wrong spot of your stomach. Something warm runs down the side of your face, a stark contrast to the cool rain that's already running in rivulets there.

And then suddenly the man holding you is dropping to the ground like a stone, his hold completely gone. You roll off his shoulder and onto the ground, your face pressed into the cold and muddy ground. The ringing slowly fades away and you can make out shouting, but not shouts of triumph. No, it's a mixture of panic and fury.

You open your eyes and see what looks like more men riding towards you on horses, though you're not sure if they're here to join the men you're currently with or not.

More gunshots ring out and you watch as another one of the men standing near you falls to the ground, dead. The other two fumble for their weapons and start firing back, not expecting the attack and underprepared for it. It doesn't take long before they're also on the ground, blood spilling from their own wounds.

Three horses come to a stop near you and the men quickly dismount. Two sets of hurried footsteps move in your direction, and then someone's knees are hitting the ground as they fall beside you. A new set of hands reaches out and lifts you out of the mud and props you up in their arms, far more gentler than the other men did.

You blink away the rain and mud and whatever other substances might be in your eyes and focus on whoever it is that's holding you, feeling surprised when you see it's Dutch.

"Dutch?" You ask, almost unable to believe he's really here.

He's soaked to the bone and even though your vision is still a little murky from the knock to the head, the anguish is as clear as day.

He says your name like a whisper of a prayer--like he's unable to believe that you're right there. Someone else kneels down on your other side and takes your hands, quickly flicking their knife through the rope and cutting you free. Arthur is watching you with concern in his eyes as he tucks his knife back into his pocket and stands to his feet once more.

"Talk to me," Dutch says hoarsely, "are you hurt? How do you feel? Did they touch--" he closes his eyes tightly and grinds his teeth together.

"We're lucky that man back there told us 'bout which direction you was headin' in," Arthur says gruffly, locking eyes with Dutch.

Man? What man? And then it hits you. The man from the stream.

The man who also fit the description of who these men were looking for. Most likely their actual target, instead of Dutch.

And he just saved you by telling Dutch and Arthur where you were headed.

"C-cold," you finally croak, feeling the rain leech into your skin and take any and all warmth from you. Dutch's hands tighten on you and he looks up at Arthur, nodding firmly. Dutch stands to his feet and brings you with him, keeping his arms firmly around you as he whistles for his horse. The familiar beast ambles over and Dutch carefully lifts you onto the saddle there before mounting behind you. He takes his coat and bundles you in it until you're tucked in, though it won't do much since it's also soaked with the rain. He wraps one arm firmly around your waist and brings you into his chest before taking hold of the reins and flicking them, urging the two of you off and back towards camp.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're shaking by the time you get back, unable to stop the chills that are racing up and down your body. Dutch keeps you clutched tightly in his hold, your head in his neck, and his chin resting on top of your head. When you finally see Bill standing on guard at camp you feel as though you could cry tears of relief.

"Miss Grimshaw!" He calls, his voice cracking at the urgency of his tone, "I need hot water and dry blankets!"

Susan pokes her head out of her own tent, annoyed that she's being asked to do something when it's raining but then that quickly fades when she takes in your state. She nods once and gets to work without a word.

Dutch rides his horse over to your tent instead of stopping where the others are. He dismounts first and then before you have a chance to get down yourself he's bundling you up in his arms and carrying you into your tent, one arm beneath your shoulders and the other under your knees. You lean against his chest, tired and cold, and happily accepting any form of heat that you can get.

He places you on your bed and starts hastily pulling your clothes off, and if you weren't still reeling from what just happened and if you weren't still upset about what he did earlier today then maybe you would have laughed. Maybe you would have told him to calm himself and slow down.

"Dutch," you murmur as he gets to your blouse and starts unbuttoning it. He ignores you and keeps moving, determined to get your clothes off. "Dutch."

"You'll freeze," he hisses, his eyes almost black as he looks at you for the first time since he found you on the ground. You swallow and let out a deep breath. "You can't...you can't be wearing these. You need warm clothes, honey."

The name makes you melt just a little bit, but you still reach up and take hold of his hands, forcing him to stop. He frowns as he looks to you for an explanation.

You swallow and look down at your muddied skirt. "I can do it myself."

"What?" He asks quietly, hands tightening their hold on your own. "Why would you--"

"I haven't forgotten this morning," you clench your eyes shut and try not to get too angry as you think of the betrayal you felt just hours ago. "I appreciate you helping me, but I know now that you have more important things to do than be here with me."

There's a moment of silence as Dutch lets your confession hang in the air between the two of you. You're afraid to look him in the eye, afraid of what you'll find there. He hasn't had time to think through things as you have, he probably feels no different now than he did this morning.

"Y/N," he shocks you by leaning forward and pressing his forehead against your own. You jolt and look at him in surprise, finally meeting his gaze. He looks troubled, weighed down, tired. All of you in the camp are feeling those things, but Dutch? He feels all of them but in a more profound way. In a way that others will never understand because they're not expected to lead this group. In a way that you understand because you've seen him go through it, experience it, live it.

And sometimes he forgets that you know this part of him.

"I saw what those men were doing, how they touched you," he spits the words, his face screwing up in anger. "And I'm sorry I didn't stop them sooner. I should've been there."

"Dutch," you frown, not stopping him as he continues to unbutton your shirt and tug it off your shoulders. It's been a while since the two of you have been intimate with each other, and so him doing this, him touching you and taking care of you brings up feelings that you thought were gone.

"I can't lose you too," he finally admits, his voice breaking and his hands stilling as he clenches his eyes shut. "I can't. I can't. You ran from here, straight into the path of those sick bastards, all because of me. If they had...if they had taken you from me, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. Not after Annabelle. Not after Hosea. Not you."

You cup his face with your ice-cold hands, unable to stop yourself from tilting his chin up and pressing a kiss to his lips. He's warmer than you, and he flinches as your cold skin touches his own, but he doesn't pull away. He doesn't shrug you off and push you to the side as he did earlier.

"I have the water," Miss Grimshaw calls from outside of your tent. You can tell that Dutch is loathed to move but he stands up and slips out quickly before bringing the large basin inside, the steam still rising from the water as it sloshes around. You look him over from head to toe, noticing how the rain has made his clothing stick to his body like a second skin, accentuating his muscles and strength.

"Come here, Sweetheart," Dutch says softly as he takes your hands and helps you to your feet. He helps you step out of the rest of your clothes, his eyes lingering only briefly on your body before gently lowering you into the water. You can't help but groan as the warm water instantly soothes your aching muscles and burns away the worst of the cold that was clinging to your skin. You expect him to sit on a chair and let you soak, but he surprises you by sitting on the ground and grabbing a cloth, wiping your face clean.

He dabs around the wound on your temple, frowning as he soaks up the blood that had run down your face and makes you clean once more. You watch him closely, afraid that if you look away then this side of your old Dutch will fade away with the storm.

"What?" He finally asks after a few minutes of silence.

"Are we goin' to be okay?"

He hesitates when you ask that, his brown eyes locking with your own. "Of course we'll be okay. This plan--"

"No." Your voice is firm. "Are we going to be okay, Dutch? I can't...the thing that happened with Micah today. I can't take you choosing him over me."

Dutch frowns. "I didn't choose him over you."

You nod once. "You did, Dutch. And you're too blind to this plan of yours that you don't even see it."

His brows furrow, showing a hint of annoyance. "Now, Y/N--"

"No, Dutch. I'm trying to live my life, happily, and with people I love. I love the members of this family you've let me into, all of them are great. Except for Micah. He's shit and he's creating a rift between all of us that is soon goin' to be too big to fix." Tears begin to build in your eyes. "And you 'nd I aren't on the same side, Dutch. So when it finally splits, what's goin' to happen to us? Is there even goin' to be an us?"

"Hey," Dutch reaches out and gently holds your chin with his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him, "nothing is going to happen to us. I'm making a better life for us--"

"Do it another way."

He shakes his head, caught off guard. "What?"

You grit your teeth. "Do. It. Another. Way."

"What does that even mean, Y/N?"

"I want this better life, Dutch. This dream you've told me about from the beginning. I want that, I want that for us. But it ain't gonna happen with this plan, especially if you're makin' it with Micah and I ain't allowed to know what it is."

"Micah has good ideas--"

"I don't care!" Your frustration finally breaks through, and you decide now is as good a time as any to let it all out. "I don't care if he has the best plan in the world. Micah Bell is ruining our family, Dutch. He's killing all of us, turning you against us and makin' you think we're out to get you when we love you!" Your lower lip wobbles and you bury your face in your hands for a moment, getting your composure back. "So you need to make a choice, Dutch. You either do it another way, or I'm gone."

He falls back on his haunches, eyes wide as he stares at you with an open mouth. "Y/N--"

You tear your eyes away from him, unable to look at him while simultaneously feeling your heart break. You take the rag that now lies forgotten and continue to clean yourself, trying your best not to wince when you brush over a particularly tender spot that smarts with pain.

A large hand slowly and gently encompasses your own, halting your movements. You look up with stinging eyes, afraid of what you'll find. Dutch's hair is unkempt, his face paler than usual and bags under his eyes. He's exhausted. You're exhausted. Both mentally and physically. He looks the same.

"I mean what I said, Y/N," he murmurs quietly, "I can't lose you." He squeezes his hand over your own, an intensity crawling into his chocolate brown eyes as he refuses to leave your gaze. "I didn't know that you were feeling like this."

"It's not just me, Dutch," you try not to let your voice wobble, but it still sounds shaky anyway, "it's our family. We don't like what's happening here. We don't feel safe. We just want a home."

"Home," he murmurs, and you know it's more to himself than to you.

"Micah is not a part of my home." You solidify your voice, making sure to stress to him how serious you are about that statement. "I want the others, Dutch. I want Abigail and Susan and Tilly and John and Arthur. I don't want Micah. I don't want him with us and our family." You take his hand and lift it so you can press a delicate kiss to his knuckles. "Our family, Dutch. Blood or otherwise. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Dutch watches you with a lost expression, so to help you take his hand and dip it in the water, guiding it until it's resting lightly on your belly. His fingers tickle your skin but his touch is soft and gentle. His eyes widen as he finally understands the message you're trying to tell him.

"I want a home. I want our family." You take a deep breath, tears once more brimming in your eyes. "And I don't want Micah there for it."

Dutch's face falls blank, and then he's pushing off his knees and standing to his feet. You think it's a rejection, him getting ready to leave you, your demands too high, and you want to cry. Tears slip down the side of your face and fall in the water to mix with the dirt and blood that's swirling around.

But Dutch surprises you when he gently grasps your hands and pulls you up to your feet, helping to gingerly guide you out of the tub, taking care so you don't slip and fall. He takes one of the towels that are sitting over by the entrance of the tent and wraps it around you, guiding you over to your cot and urging you to sit down. You do so, keeping it held tightly around your shoulders as he then pulls out a pair of his long johns and a soft union shirt. He helps to dry you off before leading your limbs through the holes in the clothing, putting dry and clean clothes on you.

"Dutch--" you ask in confusion, but he merely blows out the candle that's burning on the table and strips out of his own wet clothes, dressing himself once again in quick fashion before guiding you to lay down on the bed. He crawls in beside you, using his large hands to grasp your waist and tug you into his chest, one of them skimming up your back and cradling the base of your skull, asking you to rest your head in the crook of his neck. You do so without hesitation.

"I'll always pick you," he presses a kiss to your forehead, and in the darkness of the tent you start to cry once again, a wave of relief as big as a tsunami washing over you at the realization that he's not picking Micah over you this time. "I'll make a new plan, Sweetheart, for us. For our future."

You grab handfuls of his shirt and tilt your head up, peppering kisses along his jaw and over to his lips where you give him a longer and more meaningful kiss. "Do you promise?"

He nuzzles his face into your hair, letting out a sigh. "Anything for our family." He snakes one hand to your waist and softly brushes his thumb over your belly. "Both of them."

#Dutch Van Der Linde #dutch x reader #dutch van der linde x reader #arthur morgan #Red Dead Redemption #Red Dead #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption two #red dead redemption fanfiction #red dead redemption fanfic #red dead redemption one shot #this took so long to write and should've been posted a year ago #i'm so sorry

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whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years ago

Text

Wednesday 11 September 1839

3 ¼

F61 ½° at 4 ¼ am much rain in the night and sandy road .:. 6 horse off at 5 6/.. at Kyrkstad at 6 55/.. I hot and much bit in the night

K- to Bolstad 14 w.

Njölbolstad 13 w.

Helsingfors 68 w.

St. P- 480 w.

the woman had not been able to get us any Swedish money .:. agreed that she should take a 10 Rubel bill and be answerable for 6r. for the horses and take 4 towards her own bill and I paid her (at the rate 40sk. rigs per rubel) for the 2 remaining rubels

7 eight sk. banco notes i.e. 1.5.4+0.2.8 given over – very civil good tempered looking woman – much pleased we were so satisfied – remembered Handbook and his friend very well – said they had given her a small bit of money which she kept for their sake – I happening to have my 3 silver ½ dollar banco silver pieces in my pocket gave her one of them (that has a hole thro’ it) and desired her to keep it for I should ask to see it again sometime – Better rooms and house at Keala [Kealanoja] last night but better eating here – Rain again and off in the rain at 5 6/.. – I slept most of the way – all forest till 6 55/.. when fine and sunny, and stopt to change horses /4 again) at some distance from the station house (did not even see it) near a small cottage where the red square headed mile post is set up – I got out for a few minutes very usefully the village must be near the station house on our left – scattered farms and cottages about – a pretty opening – very pretty country – wide winding wooded hill enclosed valley – a bit of forest again (young wood) in about hour+ - but good road – sandy land – but the road hard gravel like an English park road about 12ft. wide as usual, but sometimes less nice country all along to Bolstad at 8 ½ - stopt again in the road so[me] distance (left) 200 or 300 yards from the station house – walked to it – to see the direction post – could not find one – poor place – I think we could not well sleep there – the people 2 or 3 men and a woman

SH:7/ML/TR/13/0030

September Wednesday 11 at breakfast a little fish (apparently salted?) and boiled potatoes 2 rigs dollars a ton dearer here than at Stockholm – at last it was agreed that the woman should pay for our 4 horses from here 15 ½ w. to Everby [Ofverby] = 3.72 and the young man (her son?) gave me two 20kop. notes + one 75 kop. + two two-kop. copy pieces + two ½ sk. banco pieces for 4kop. = 5 Rubel – 5 kop. no wonder Handbook complained of their accommodation for the night – that is not the place to stop at – all Finnish commerce with Stockholm .:. all their money payments among themselves are in Swedish money but they are obliged to pay the taxe for posting in Russian money .:. are obliged to receive it for their horses – their wood (salmon) butter all goes to Stockholm but now they have the douane to pay = 2 rigs dollars per 60lbs. and being obliged to sell their butter at the Swedish price as they did before without duty they of course now lose this – and so equally the whole of the duties paid by them to Sweden is now a loss to them – the village of Bolstad not apparently very near the station – nice country – off from B- at 9 2/.. and at 9 ½ pretty lake and unpainted cottages and hamlets dotted here and there – green basin valley and lake and rounded wooded hills – in about 10 minutes more or ¼ hour come down upon the water wood bridge and cross it at one end where it looks river like – very pretty hereabouts rock and wood and water and villages and farms or cottages – a good deal of wind which curly the water – corn cocks as yesterday but now 9 ¾ it is rye – steep pitch up from the bridge and sandy road – at 10 ¼ moss-rocky forest – uphill and our horses hardish passed – all along sandy – pretty country – very pretty drive – at 10 50/.. at next stage to Finns 12 ½ w.

Helsingfors 39 and St. P- 451 w.

Öfverby (pronounced Everby) – small unpainted house – but probably might sleep tho’ not good - but the woman a decent woman – off at 11 – cocks of corn out here – rye I think – very pretty – rocky wooded hills and scattered unpainted little cottages and so red – the village of Ofverby (its neat little church at the foot of the hill just beyond the station) seems

September Wednesday 11 seems widely scattered in patches – winding pretty valley – round hilly and rather sandy – in ¼ hour (11 ¼) foresty again – several of the bare rocks today very white – all granite

the Fins a stupid looking people – here and there a red house but the red seems to bespeak a certain degree of [afflict] – the being better off than common – and here as in N. and S- the [?] (contamine) is growing as a weed among the rocks – we have not seen it as weed elsewhere because the land kept too clean – no weeds seen – now at 11 50/.. another wooded pretty lake right – and A- and I have just had a little of our Keala [Kealanoja] coq du bois that we brought away in paper – very good – many hamlets scattered about today – the country today seems more populous than yesterday? – at Finns at 12 13/..

to Grahn 14 ½ w.

Helsingfors 26 ½ w.

St. P- 438 ½ w.

might sleep but not perhaps good place for it tho’ the civil woman came to say she could change a 5 Rubel note

nice open country about here wooded in the distance – 2 or 3 cottages near the station house – and large village or two of unpainted houses little distance (left) – rather pitchy last stage and at = off at 12 34/.. from Finns out with a steepitsh pitch from here and then pass thro’ a few houses and over 3 [?] bridges the unpainted cottages very picturesque dotted all round about interspersed with patches of fir wood and wooded hill and well cultivated vale – now at 12 ¾ a little sun forest light – little pretty vale just below us right green rye and corn in cock (probably rye) not much oats grown in Finland? cottages or barns dotted up and down – fine foresty peopled drive this stage at 1 ¼ unpainted village in the widish basin vale little distance left of road and good yellow house and one or 2 red houses near – all looks well hereabouts – and slow at 1 20/.. descending and at the bottom of hill another pretty little lake near (left) – the openings and rounded dark pine wooded hills very picturesque – much mammelonné [mamelonné] rocky hill and bare and moss covered rock and boulder in our forest and sandy road now at 1 1/2 – here and everywhere much more Scotch fir than Spruce – this forest now at 1 ¾ the best as to size of trees (but none large) we have passed thro’ -

SH:7/ML/TR/13/0031

September Wednesday 11 in Finland – it opens out and we stop at Grahn at 1 57/.. nice little single house on a little [eminence], looking dry and comfortable – I should suppose one might sleep there as well as at Nyby or better? – the wide valley on plain studded with houses, farms, barns – the proportion of red increasing as if to denote our approach to the capital Helsingfors 12w. distance – large [?] beautiful lengthy finely wooded wooded island lake right sweeping along the wide valley – road hilly but tho’ rather sandy, good – forest covered rock alongside (left) – have written, or rubbed out pencilling, or read Handbook (article St. Petersburg) all this morning except added up the whole but 1 or 2 pp. of the Swedish account – since leaving Götheborg [Gothenburg] It seems (vide p. 174. 2nd vol.) that our pastor on board the steamer was M. Edouard de Moralt minster of the reformed church at St. P- and ‘the learned editor of an edition of Minuties’ Felix’ – probably Handbook knows him and sent him his book en cadeau? now at 2 20/.. road very sandy in the forest – at 2 40/.. gentleman’s house right – very pretty – a company of soldiers pass us – forest and break – very pretty – at 2 ¾ pass (close) broad shallow lake – at 2 55/.. Helsingfors church in sight – whitewashed like several other large neighbour buildings – church a fine object – fine looking town with its beautiful fjord – forest and break till now 2 55/.. that we emerge to bare Götheborg-like [Gothenburg] scantly wooded rocky hill – and gardens and houses marking our approach to the capital – at 3 at the water – beautiful view – cross good wood bridge – and at 3 ¼ at the Hotel du Nord – the fine dressed woman who came to us could do nothing – must wait for mademoiselle how should we stay – there was a room au 3me – I got tired of this work and drove off to the society’s house fronting the harbour – settled

September Wednesday 11 there very comfortably at 3 ½ - 2 nice rooms and lodging for the servants at 6 rubels a day – au 3me? but good – ordered dinner at 6 ½ and A- and I out at 4 10/.. – took John – to the botanic garden –

Stymphoricarpus [symphoricarpos] racemosus (snowberry bush) in flower

Vïburnum [Viburnum] Lentago a little like prunus padus but with broader leaf

V- dentatum (leaf something between the hazel and syringa leaf?)

Lonicera caprifolia [caprifolium] (as called by the gardener) the shrub I observed at Åbo with a little orange coloured berry, looking a [specie] of honeysuckle

Populus canescens (white abele)

P. cardifolia

Delphinium. several specie large beautiful blue flower – a little in the style of aconite – have often seen it in a pot in the window in these northern parts

Lythrum, several specie pretty pink flower in spikes 6 or 8 inch long – narrow leaf – would be pretty (to give colour) at Shibden and hardy enough -

Asclepias incarata [incarnata] (in flower – pinkish – pretty would do at Shibden)

Phlox several specie pretty little genus-pink and white – in flower like a smooth sweet William – 6 petal flower – the white very common in England gardens

Borago officinalis – pretty blue flower – 5 petals woolly stern and leaves – whatever will do well out of doors here, would do at Shibden – much wind today must be very cold, and exposed in winter – the garden garden divided into small compartments for the flowers, and sheltered by hedges the tall ones of lilac, and acacia, and Norway maple and the low ones of Spiraea calcifolia [salicifolia] – try this hedging plan at Shibden with along the middle a hedge of Spruce firs – or Sycamores? a very pretty hardy looking mespilus? or [?]? with clusters of hawthorn-like (but larger) red haws – Inquire for this –

In returning about 5 ¾ set John at liberty and A- and I sauntered into and about the handsome new not finished church – a Greek cross with 4 Corinthian porticos and pediments – then stood some while listening to the military band and came in at 6 ½ - dinner at 6 ¾ soup, mutton cutlets, sort of

SH:7/ML/TR/13/0032

September Wednesday 11

sweet omlet, and afterwards a sort of roll pancaky thing for dessert – no mead now – too late in the season – had plenty in the summer - .:. had each 2 cups of coffee – then siding had Grotza – then wrote the last page till now 10pm. very fine day – a good deal of wind all day but this afternoon particularly, and particularly here – a very handsome town – fine day F61 ½° now at 10 ½ pm

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thevioletjones · 5 years ago

Text

The Ian & Mickey Show

Week 9

Timestamps

3:33-4:54 - Ian wakes up hugging a pillow, presumably missing Mickey’s absent body. There’s a loud rumbling and an embarrassingly clown car-ish honking outside the house waking everybody up. It’s Mickey making a grand entrance on that sweet mint green Vespa scooter, and (very horribly and stiffly) “making out” with this unfortunate looking tiny twink named Byron (they def picked the most pretentious name possible for this interloper). Mickey is for sure putting on a big show for Ian that’s like 30% revenge, 70% pettiness. At first, you would think Mickey just paid some rando to act a part for a little while, but I guess Mickey is just conning this lil guy. Mickey grabs his ass in front of Ian, boasts about the guy’s “super tight asshole,” and casually strolls past him to get into the Gallagher house, because I guess he’s still staying there. And also, Ian’s leg is broken, but we knew that, cuz Cam. {For a better scene, keep the video rolling past the 4:54 mark and ogle Jeremy Allen White naked in the shower. It was his turn this week I guess. You’re safe, Cam.}

6:37-8:20 - Ian eats breakfast with Liam & Carl, and they discuss Mickey’s being off with the other dude, and it’s clear that Ian thinks Mickey is just lashing out and once it’s out of his system, he’ll just come back. Lip and his baby mama and her crazy Trumper aunt are in the scene as well. They all concur that in Lip’s words, “Ian left Mickey at the altar,” but Ian doesn’t see it that way. He honestly thinks they were gonna get married for the wrong reason. His contradiction and ambivalence is honestly the only thing that feels realistic about all of this mess.

13:30-14:36 - Mickey continues needling Ian very broadly and obviously about how great this Byron kid is and how much sex they’ve been having, and even implies he’s a Koch, which is silly. Mickey goes so far as to claim he’s in love with this guy (they met last night) and says he’s moving in with him. It’s dumb-o.

18:35-20:58 - Ian somehow just now discovers that 50% of all marriages end in divorce????? That’s been true for so long now, even someone the show is now painting as kind of an idiot (but not half as big of one as Mickey is) would know that stat. It’s just more EXPOSITION. Anyway, he’s hanging out with Liam in the kitchen, and Debbie comes in. Ian tells her that: “Mickey’s a punk, and he’s decided he’s gonna fuck other people if I don’t marry him.” She says Ian’s just scared, and he should marry Mickey to make him happy, even if it does end in divorce eventually. Ian’s all, “I’m not scared,” but not even Liam believes him. Ian invites Liam to go run an errand, and they steal Trumpy Aunt’s wallet on the way out.

28:06-28:54 - OMG, small Byron has that bright Disco Overlook Hotel area rug from Ikea that I really wanted to buy some years back adorning the floor of his tiny loft. Sad face. Anyway, Mickey barges in and throws his garbage bag of crap everywhere and says he won’t share the bed, Byron needs to sleep on the floor. Says some lines about when he wants his dinner served, and how they’ll only have sex when Mickey wants to, and obviously he’ll top cuz this dude’s “basically a chick,” which is a funny line, tbh. ALSO, this pretty much proves they haven’t even actually banged, since they haven’t even discussed preferences. Lol. So yeah, Mickey is using this kid for anything and everything he can, cuz he found a big ol’ sweetie pie pushover (that’s maybe a little bit afraid of him).

33:50-34:36 - Ian makes Liam try on engagement man-rings, because: “Mickey has freakishly small hands.” They’re at the Alibi and combing through the jewelry a shady hawker is selling. Ian buys two rings on Trumpy Aunt’s credit card.

42:53-44:52 - I really miss Ian & Lip scenes, tbh. I used to love their brotherly friendship. Some of the old magic feels back in this scene, idk. Ian tells Lip he’s gonna go propose to Mickey. Lip asks him why, and Ian says it’s cuz he loves him, but then after a pause says that Debbie told him to. Even though Ian wants Mickey back, he also clearly wants Lip to talk him out of marriage, which he kind of does (for now). Lip says he should do it one day, after he figures out why he doesn’t want to now.

47:06-51:10 - A genuine FOUR MINUTE scene! Ian shows up at Byron’s place (where’d he get the address tho???) and Mickey’s been hanging out there for like a handful of hours maybe, but this lil dude just wants him GONE already. Lmao. He clearly knows who Ian is and practically runs into his arms in a grateful hug, saying, “Oh, thank god, PLEASE take him back!” Ian is like wtf, and waits as this guy calls Mickey “honey” and says he has a visitor. Mickey makes another big show implying impending sexy times, grabbing at a very not into it Byron as he retreats up the stairs. Mickey seriously greets Ian like, “What’s up, bro!” I meeeean... Anyway, Ian I guess decided in transit that he’s not gonna propose, he’s just gonna say these are “promise rings” and has some line about how: “Gallaghers and marriage don’t mix well, but a Gallagher keeps his promise.” Since... when??? Like... Frank??? And... what??? Lol... Mickey’s not buying that shit either. He makes a good point about Ian not even wearing his “promise ring” on his finger, but around his neck instead (someone caught a Sex & the City rerun where Carrie carries that rock on a necklace, cuz she’s def not sure about marrying Aidan), where no one can even see it. Ian says he’s not saying “never” to marriage, and Mickey counters that he’s actually saying that he doesn’t love Mickey enough right now. And then he says he’s got Barry anyway, and Ian has to correct the name, which is a nice touch, I’ll admit. And then comes Cam’s best bit of acting on this show in like Y-E-A-R-S. I always thought he did best when he was in depressed/manic mode, and that comes through here when Ian actually gets to the heart of his real fears about committing fully to Mickey, which are of course that he doesn’t trust himself and doesn’t think Mickey should be tied to him and all his crazy bullshit. He doesn’t understand how Mickey can know for sure that he loves him. All that internalized shit is stuff I can easily actually relate to, and this is really the first 100% truly honest moment we’ve had between IxM in all of season 10. I hope we get one or two more by the end. I don’t really completely buy Mickey’s reaction being, “When you get over the ‘I’m not worthy of being loved’ shit, gimme a call,” because he is the fucking KING of not thinking he’s worthy of being loved! That's always been a huge component of who he is, and how I always write him to be, personally (always struggling to think of himself as worthy of anything good, particularly love, among many many other internal struggles, obvs). He also knows exactly how low Ian can get on his down-swings, and since we know from s5 that Mickey likes taking care of Ian, I just don’t think he’d treat him this way. I’m not saying he would give in, but we would see some softness come through. A lighter touch. Anyway, Ian looks super sad as he walks away, but then he spots Barry’s Vespa in the alleyway and gets his own bit of petty revenge (on the wrong person) by pissing in his gas tank, cuz Shameless!

Episode Tally: 8 scenes. 13 mins 10 secs.

#sorry this got so long lol #guess i had some thoughts #ian x mickey #gallavich #the ian & mickey show #shameless spoilers #10x09 #timestamps #shameless

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the-deeds-to-shibden · 4 years ago

Text

Wednesday 11 September 1839

[Bugs bite Anne during the night, but she is happy with the innkeeper and gives her a memento, which she is to hold on to until the next time Anne visits, perhaps on the way back home (sigh). Although she and Ann clearly like the Finns, Anne is apparently not impressed by their physical appearance and makes a characteristically blunt remark in her notes. Munching on a takeaway bird, the Ann(e)s reach Helsinki, where they first visit the botanical garden, and Anne considers planting the various interesting flowers at Shibden when she returns (sigh). They visit the brand new cathedral, listen to music, and have another hearty dinner, although there is disappointingly no mead to be had.]

[up at] 3 1/4

[to bed at] 11

Fahrenheit 61 1/2 at 4 1/4 a.m. much rain in the night and sandy road therefore 6 horses

off at 5 6/” at Kyrkstad at 6 55/”

Kyrkstad to Bolstad 14 w[erst]

Mjölbolstad 13 w[erst]

Helsingfors 68 w[erst]

St. Petersburg 480 w[erst]

I hot and much bit in the night – the woman had not been able to get us any small money therefore agreed that she should take a 10 Ruble bill and be answerable for 6 rubles for the horses and take 4 towards her own bill and I paid her (at the rate 40 skillings rigs per rubel) for the 2 remaining rubels 7 eight skilling Banco notes i.e. 1.5.4 + 0.2.8 given over – very civil good tempered looking woman much pleasured we were so satisfied – remembered Handbook and his friend very well – said they had given her a small bit of money which she kept for their sake – I happening to have my 3 silver 1/2 dollar banco silver pieces in my pocket gave her one of them (that has a hole thro’ it) and desired her to keep it – for I should ask to see it again some time – Better rooms and house at Keala last night but better eating here – Rain again and off in the rain at 5 6/” – I slept most of the way – all forest till 6 55/” when fine and sunny, and stopt to change horses (4 again) at some distance from the station house (did not even see it) near a small cottage where the red square headed mile post is set up – I got out for a few minutes very usefully the village must be near the station house on our left – scattered farms and cottages about – a pretty opening – very pretty country – wide winding wooded hill enclosed valley – a bit of forest again (young wood) – about hour+ – but good road – sandy land – but the road hard gravel like an English park road about 12 feet wide as usual, but sometimes less – nice country all along to Bolstad at 8 1/2 – stopt again in the road some distance (left) 200 or 30 /sic/ yards from the station house – walked to it – to see the direction post – could not find one – poor place – I think we could not well sleep there – the people 2 or 3 men and a woman at breakfast on little fish (apparently salted?) and boiled potatoes 2 rigs dollars a ton dearer here than at Stockholm – at last it was agreed that the woman should pay for our 4 horses from here 15 1/2 wersts to Everby = 3.72 and the young man (her son?) gave me two 20 kopek notes + one 75 kopek + two two-kopek copper pieces + two 1/2 skilling banco pieces for 4 kopeks = 5 Rubles – 5 kopeks no wonder Handbook complained of their accommodations for the night – this is not the place to stop at – all Finnish commerce with Stockholm therefore all their money payments among themselves are in Swedish money but they are obliged to pay the taxe for posting in Russian money therefore are obliged to receive it for their horses – their wood, salmon, butter all goes to Stockholm – but now they have the douane to pay = 2 rigs dollars per 60 lbs. pounds and being obliged to sell their butter at the Swedish price as they did before without duty they of course now lose this – and so equally the whole of the duties paid by them to Sweden is now a loss to them – the village of Bolstad not apparently very near the station – nice country –

off from Bolstad at 9 2/” and at 9 1/2 pretty lake and unpainted cottages and hamlets dotted here and there – green basin valley and lake and rounded wooded hills – in about 10 minutes more or 1/4 hour come down upon the water and wood bridge and cross it at the near end where it looks river like – very pretty hereabouts rock and wood and water and villages and farms or cottages – a good deal of wind which curls the water corn cocks as yesterday but now 9 3/4 it is rye – steep pitch up from the bridge and sandy road – at 10 1/4 moss-rocky forest – uphill and our horses hardish pressed – all along sandy – pretty country very pretty drive –

at 10 50/” at Ӧfverby (pronounced Everby) – next stage to Finns 12 1/2 wersts Helsingfors 39 and St. Petersburg 451 wersts small unpainted house – but probably might sleep tho’ not good – but the woman a decent woman – off at 11 – cocks of corn out here – rye I think – very pretty – rocky wooded hills and scattered unpainted little cottages – some red – the village of Ofverby (its neat little church at the foot of the hill just beyond the station) seems seems /sic/ widely scattered in patches – winding pretty valley – round hilly – and rather sandy – in 1/4 hour (11 1/4) foresty again – several of the bare rocks today very white – all granite – the Fins a stupid looking people – here and there a red house but the red seems to bespeak an certain degree of affluence – the being better off than common – and here as in Norway and Sweden the Epilobium (contamine) is growing as a weed among the rocks – we have not seen it as weed elsewhere because the land kept too clean – no weeds seen – now at 11 50/” another wooded pretty lake right – and Ann and I have just had a little of our Keala coq du bois that we brought away in paper – very good – many hamlets scattered about today – the country today seems more populous than yesterday? –

at Finns at 12 13/”

to Grahn 14 1/2 wersts Helsingfors 26 1/2 wersts

St. Petersburg 438 1/2 wersts

might sleep but not perhaps good place for it tho’ the civil woman came to say she could change a 5 Ruble note nice open country about here wooded in the distance – 2 or 3 cottages near the station house – and large village or two of unpainted houses little distance (left) – rather pitchy last stage and sets off at 12 34/” from Finns out with a steepish pitch from here and then pass the unpainted cottages and over 3 wood bridges very picturesque dotted all round about interspersed with patches of fir wood and wooded hill and well cultivated dale – now at 12 3/4 a little sun – forest left little pretty valley just before us right green rye and corn in cock (probably rye) not much oats grown in Finland? cottages or barns dotted up and down – fine foresty peopled drive this stage – at 1 1/4 unpainted village in the widish basin valley little distance left of road and good yellow house and one or 2 red houses near – all looks well hereabouts – and now at 1 20/” descending and at the bottom of hill another pretty little lake near (left) – the openings and rounded dark pine wooded hills very picturesque – much mammelonné rocky hill and bare and moss covered rock and boulder in our forest and sandy road now at 1 1/2 – here and everywhere much more Scotch fir than spruce – this forest now at 1 3/4 the best as to size of trees (but none large) we have passed thro’ – in Finland –

it opens out and we stop at Grahn at 1 57/” nice little single house on a little eminence, looking dry and comfortable – I should suppose one might sleep there as well as at Nyby or better? – the wide basin valley or plain studded with houses, farms, barns – the proportion of red increasing as if to denote our approach to the capital Helsingfors 12 wersts distance – large indented beautiful lengthy finely wooded wooded islandy lake right sweeping along the wide valley – road hilly but tho’ rather sandy, good – forest covered rock alongside (left) – have written, or rubbed out pencilling, or read Handbook (article Saint Petersburg) all this morning except adding up the whole but 1 or 2 pages of the Swedish account since leaving Götheborg – It seems (vide page 174. 2nd column) that our pastor on board the steamer was Monsieur Edouard de Moralt minister of the reformed church at Saint Petersburg ‘and learned editor of an edition of Minutius Felix’ – probably Handbook knows him and sent him his book en cadeau? – now at 2 20/” road very sandy in the forest – at 4 40/” gentleman’s house right – very pretty – a company of soldiers pass us – forest and break – very pretty – at 2 3/4 pass (close) broad shallow lake –

at 2 55/” Helsingfors church in sight – white washed like several other large neighbour buildings – church a fine object – fine looking town with its beautiful fjord – forest and break till now 2 55/” that we emerge to bare Götheborg-like scantily wooded rocky hill – and gardens and houses marking our approach to the capital – at 3 at the water – beautiful view – cross good wood bridge – and at 3 1/4 at the Hotel du nord – the fine dressed woman who came to us could do nothing – must wait for Mademoiselle how should we stay – there was a room au troisième – got tired of this work and drove off to the Society’s house fronting the harbour – settled there very comfortably at 3 1/2 – 2 nice rooms and lodging for the servants at 6 rubels a day – au troisième? but good – ordered dinner at 6 1/2 and Ann and I out at 4 10/” – took John – to the botanic garden

Stymphoricarpus racemosus (snowberry bush) in flower

Viburnum Lentago a little like prunus padus but with broader leaf

Viburnum dentatum (leaf something between the hazel and syringa leaf?)

Lonicera caprifolia (as called by the gardener) the shrub I observed at Abo with a little orange coloured berry, looking like a species of honeysuckle

Populus canescens (white abele)

Populus cardifolia

Delphinium. several species large beautiful blue flower – a little in the style of aconite – have often [?] seen it in in a pot in the window in these northern parts –

Lythrum, several species pretty pink flower in spokes 6 or 8 inches long – narrow leaf – would be pretty (to give colour) at Shibden and hardy enough –

Asclepias incarata, in flower – pinkish – pretty would do at Shibden –

Phlox, several species a pretty genus – pink and white – in flower like a smooth sweet William – 6 petal flower – the white very common in English gardens –

Borago officinalis – pretty blue flower – 5 petals woolly stem and leaves – whatever will do well out of doors here, would do at Shibden –

much wind today must be very cold, and exposed in winter – the garden divided into small compartments for the flowers, and sheltered by hedges the tall ones of lilac, and acacia, and Norway maple, and the low ones of Spiraea calcifolia – try this hedges plan at Shibden with along the middle a hedge of spruce firs – or Sycamores? a very pretty hardy looking mespilus? or crataegus? with clusters of hawthorn-like (but larger) red haws – Inquire for this – In returning about 5 3/4 set John at liberty and Ann and I sauntered into and about the handsome new, not finished church – a Greek cross, with 4 Corinthian porticos and pediments – then stood some while listening to the military band and came in at 6 1/2 – dinner at 6 3/4 soup, mutton cutlets, sort of sweet omlet, and afterwards a sort of roll pancaky thing for dessert – no mead now – too late in the season – had plenty in the summer – therefore had each 2 cups of coffee – then siding – had Grotza – then wrote the last page till now 10 p.m. very fine day – a good deal of wind all day but this afternoon particularly, and particularly here – a very handsome town – fine day Fahrenheit 61 1/2º now at 10 1/2 p.m.

Anne’s marginal notes:

“

the only log house we have slept in.

Nyby

good Inn

Bolstad

Finnish commerce

observation on the Fins

Mr. Moralt.

Helsingfors.

church

WYAS pages: SH:7/ML/TR/13/0029 SH:7/ML/TR/13/0030 SH:7/ML/TR/13/0031 SH:7/ML/TR/13/0032

The Society House hotel in Helsinki (founded in 1833) where Anne and Ann stayed; the building is now the Helsinki City Hall:

(image source)

The newly-built and not quite finished Helsinki Cathedral in 1838, the way it would have still looked the following year when Anne and Ann visited:

(image source)

#anne lister #ann walker #anne lister code breaker #travelnotes1839 #finland1839 #russianempire1839 #gentleman jack #annelister #annwalker

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wolfpawn · 5 years ago

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 38

Chapter Summary - Benedict and Sophie arrive for dinner, which is a nice affair. When Sophie gets Danielle alone, the pair speak about how it is to be the other half of the "Internet's Boyfriends."

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

“I see you fitted in some stress relief.” Benedict joked as he walked into the house, giving Tom a hug as he did.

“Do you two ever stop?” Sophie shook her head and laughed, having already entered and given Tom a similar hello. “I love this table.” She commented, looking at the table that Danielle had inside the front door.

“Sophie, no stealing Elle’s things,” Ben warned, earning a confused look from Tom. “She stole my mother’s bowl recently.”

“Your father gave it to me,” Sophie argued.

“Without telling mum.” Ben countered.

“I didn’t know that.” She pointed out.

“He’s hated the fucking thing for years, so first chance he had to get rid of it, and it ends up in our place.” Tom chuckled at his friend’s overdramatic reaction to a bowl. “So, where’s Danielle?”

“Kitchen,” Tom led the way.

“Ooh, what books does she have?” Sophie asked, glancing into Danielle’s living room on the way.

“Elle, frisk Sophie on the way out,” Ben called out in warning. “She plans on robbing half your home.”

“It’s actually so nicely done,” Sophie added, heading to the kitchen, looking around as she did.

“Actually, it appears she’s just robbing the whole fucking thing.” Sophie elbowed him slightly.

When there was no response, Tom frowned. “Elle?” he called going for the kitchen door. A sniffing noise caught their attention. “Mac, get away from the door.” There was another sniff and a grumbling noise before Tom opened it.

“Tom, he got in when I was throwing out bread crusts for the birds, but I am prepping food so I can’t touch him.” Elle apologised.

“Got it, come on, big man.” He grabbed a baked pig ear and caught the dog’s attention, allowing for Ben to open the door.

“He’s huge,” Ben commented. As soon as Mac Tíre realised there was someone new to sniff, the ear was forgotten about and he trotted over to the guests. “Soph, remember the pup I told you about.”

“You said he was a scrawny rat.”

“Well, he is getting a bit fatter these days, Diana is overfeeding him.”

“She is not, he’s supposed to be fatter than you have him.” Tom defended.

“I’m sorry, did your father have a vet practice?”

“My father was in charge of the company that sold your father pharmaceuticals.”

“Actually they manufactured them, not sold them, that is done by the parent company.” Danielle corrected, sticking out her tongue at him.

“So, yes, this is apparently my girlfriend, acting like a four-year-old.” Tom indicated to Danielle as he spoke to Sophie.

“He’s just annoyed I caught him on a technicality, I’m Danielle.” Danielle dismissed as she walked over to Sophie, cleaning her hand to shake hers. Sophie, however, walked forward and hugged her. “Oh, okay. I thought English were not supposed to be overly affectionate at the beginning.”

“I am half Scottish.” Sophie smiled.

“Ah, that explains it.” Danielle grinned back. “So, what’s this bout robbing my house?” she looked to Ben, who came to hug her as well.

“Sophie is an undiagnosed kleptomaniac apparently, and your house and everything in it is next.”

“Benedict!” Sophie looked at him appalled. “I just said I like your hall table and wondered what books you had on your shelves.” Sophie put her hands up as though she was being ordered to by authorities.

Danielle just laughed. “Thank you, it was my parents, I effectively took everything from the house with me here, so anything nice, it was probably theirs and as for the books, literally, you could find anything in there, there is no rhyme or reason to it, ask Tom, it annoys him.”

“It does not.” Tom dismissed, smiling like a fool at how immediately Elle had taken to Sophie.

“You glare at it, do not deny it, I can see it in your face.”

“I like your book organisational skills as much as you like my grey shoes.” He retorted.

“Ouch!” Danielle laughed in slight disbelief, “That is cold.”

“Those shoes are fucking tragic,” Benedict interjected, though his face was a jestful one. “I mean really, Tom.”

“Funny, he said you have two pairs.” Danielle joked.

“Ooh.” Tom pointed at Benedict as he laughed at his disbelieving look at the young woman. “That turned quickly.”

“Come for dinner and I get abused.” Ben shook his head, scratching Mac Tíre’s ear. “Why do I bother?”

“I think it is something to do with the food.” Elle joked, going back to the food. “Mac, out.”

“He is fine if you want to leave him in, so long as he won’t jump on Sophie.” Ben dismissed.

“Mac isn’t allowed jump on anyone or on the couch.” Tom showed him the ear again, regaining the dog’s attention. “Bed.” Taking the ear gently, Mac trotted to his bed. “Good boy.” He smiled, “Tea?”

“Please.” There was an eagerness to Sophie’s voice that was slightly dramatic.

“Very domestic,” Ben joked.

“Yeah,” Tom smiled as he looked at Danielle, who was busy prepping something for the dinner. “Oh, Elle is making…what is…is that your…”

“Good to see Eton and Cambridge paid off, proper coherent sentences there.” Ben joked.

“You may be laughing, but you have not had Elle’s Roast Lamb and veg.”

“Nice and exotic.” Elle shrugged.

“Does it come with potatoes?” Ben asked curiously.

“Gratin and roast.”

“I am never leaving.” Ben declared as Tom handed him a cup and thanked him, then watching as he handed one to Elle. “That’s not a cup, that’s a tankard.”

“You know Irish people drink more tea than us.” Tom pointed out.

“With cups that’s size, it’s hardly a fucking surprise.” Ben laughed. “Seriously, why would anyone need a cup that big?”

“Because they want that much tea.” Elle grinned, “Food’s on, so here or the living room?”

“If just to annoy Tom with your disorganised books, we’ll go to the living room, but no promises Sophie won’t rob you.” Ben joked, rushing through the door before his wife contemplated throwing her tea at him.

“So, how did the music shoot go?” Ben asked as he bit into another piece of the dinner.

“Fine, all things considered. Though I think I can put my hand on my heart and say it is chaotic and completely off-putting.” Danielle responded.

“The shoot or the person.”

“The shoot, the person I wasn’t overly bothered by, considering I am two and zero on that front, the song, however, as tragic as the ‘singing’ is once again, is not exactly very nice.” She looked to Tom apologetically.

“Yeah, I read about it, ‘The Heeler’, peculiar name,” Sophie added.

“Not really, makes perfect sense, it’s about Tom and myself and I was a paramedic.”

“But it is spelt wrong.” Ben pointed out.

“Wait, H-E-E-L-E-R is it?” Sophie nodded.

“Smart play on words there.” Danielle commended. “It’s clear she didn’t come up with this on her own.”

“How?” Tom asked.

“Does she seem like a professional wrestling fan to you? I mean; did she sit down and watch Summerslam when you two were…whatever you did together?” she asked.

“Summerslam?”

“That’s a no then. Professional wrestling, The Rock, Triple H, Stone Cold Steve Austin, John Cena, all those guys, the WWE, it’s a term they use. Their good guys are called ‘Baby Faces’, or ‘Faces’, and their baddies are given the term a ‘Heel’.” She explained.

“You literally will watch anything on the TV.” Tom shook his head.

Danielle shrugged, “I rather that that Keeping up with Whoever is in Vogue This Week and other reality toilet paper.”

“Definitely.” Sophie agreed, “I feel like I am alone in a sea of gossip fodder when people start waffling on about that.” she turned to her husband, who was eating more gratin, “You are going to regret that later in the week when you are running it off.”

“Don’t care, too good. Tom, how are you not going around another ten kilo’s heavier?”

“Because I don’t get it cooked for me often, Elle’s staying at the hotel and I was over stateside doing the voice work. It’s good, though, right?” Tom smiled knowingly at his friend, Ben nodded.

“I’m just glad you guys like it, I mean, it’s not Michelin star stuff.”

“Good, that stuff is shit, it’s the size of a two-pound coin, costs two hundred and tastes like rubber.” Ben scoffed. “You can’t beat the basics.”

“You can bring the boys to Hollywood.” Elle smiled as she drank some more wine mixed with a soft drink.

“Private school boys, if that counts.” Sophie chuckled.

“Says Ms Oxford.” Ben retorted.

“God, posh people,” Elle sniggered, causing Tom to chuckle and Sophie and Ben to stop bickering.

“So, you said this was your parents?” Sophie was getting ready to go upstairs after a pleasurable evening of talking.

“Yeah, my mum got it in some weird boutique place in the bog arse of nowhere back home.”

“Didn’t she mind you bringing it over here with you?”

“No, she and dad, they’re…gone.”

Sophie’s face filled with horror. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t…what…?”

“It’s fine, I mean it’s sort of commonplace, isn’t it?” Elle shrugged with a sad smile. “She had cancer, and dad just wasn’t the same after, his health went downhill fast, he was so stressed before and it was worse after for him, he was a workaholic so it was always her that made sure he ate and looked after himself, so with her gone and me in college…”

“You moved over after…”

“Yeah, didn’t want to stay there, dad was saying how there were more opportunities over here, and when I dropped out because I decided I rather do something different, I thought it was the better option to come here.”

“Why Suffolk though?”

“I’m not a city person, I prefer the quiet of the countryside, Suffolk was by chance, I found an opening here, decided it was the place for me, used the money from the sale of my parents place and my dad’s practise to get a nice house, which,” she looked around her. “I think I did pretty well with, and it just so happened that my neighbour was a nice woman who I spoke to the day I was viewing it and she convinced me to buy, saying it was a nice area, quiet and someday a great place to have my family and when I moved in, her kids came to help me, one of whom happened to be Tom.”

“That must have been a shock.” Sophie chuckled.

“It was, I mean, I like comic book movies, so I knew of Loki, but when Tom was in front of me, I hadn’t realised who he was, and was just looking at him with that funny suspicious look of ‘I know you from somewhere’.” Elle blushed as Sophie laughed.

“Oh God, really?”

“How he did not walk out of the place and have his mum file a restraining order, I don’t know.” She shook her head in shame.

“Ha-ha, sorry, but that’s hilarious, I love it.” Sophie laughed.

“How about you, Ben said you met on set years ago?”

“Yes, back when he was a bit of a nobody in the game too, a few bits here and there, but we had other people then, and by the time we started something, he was huge.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how you do it, the public stuff, and all they write about you and Christopher, and probably now this little bubble too.”

“You can’t let it get to you. Sometimes it’s jealousy, sometimes spite, others just want to bitch about anyone and others…I don’t know what their problem is, but they can just get over themselves, I love Ben, he loves me and Kit, and we live pretty normally off the red carpet, and as long as it stays like that, we are happy.”

“But you are accomplished too, you’re in his game, I am just a set person, I can only imagine what they will say if it gets out.”

“‘When’ not ‘if’,” Sophie corrected. “You will get some heat, after all, Tom and Ben are the ‘Internet’s Boyfriends’ but most will love that you are not a stick-thin, Hollywood Barbie, you are exactly what they all dream would happen, as cliché as it is, you are ‘The Girl Next Door’ literally.”

“God, that is fucking cliché.” Elle laughed.

“And it gives them a little hope too, that is something.”

“It is also going to add some heat.”

“Yes, I read what the papers wrote after the dinner with him and his mum.”

“You read a lot of gossip stuff?”

“Normally no, but after meeting Ms Swift, I wanted to see what they were saying about poor Tom and I saw the whole thing with you and him on a few papers.”

“Yeah, some were not very nice.” Elle played with her fingers.

“Tabloids never are, but the other’s will be the majority opinion, ‘wholesome’ is not a word used much in entertainment.”

“It sounds a lot like the word fat.”

“By some standards, yes, you are, you are supposed to be a size four to six, eat once every four days and snort more cocaine than you can handle to stave hunger pains, and you are not that, so they will hate you for it, because Tom clearly prefers you and that is not what their magazines tell them is sexy.”

“Thank you.” Elle gave a small smile. “I really wanted to talk to someone about this, but Tom doesn’t get it from this point of view, I mean, he understands, but doesn’t understand, if that makes sense?”

“He comprehends it, but does not feel it himself, so doesn’t have first-hand experience of it.” Sophie nodded. “I know that feeling.” There was a small hint of bitterness in her tone. “I thought for ages that no one could understand what it was like, especially when it was revealed we were engaged, even more so after it was announced I was pregnant.”

“Who helped you?”

“Amanda, Martin’s other half, she literally just came up to me one day, hugged me, threw the men out of the room and demanded I tell her exactly how I was feeling, and pushed and pushed until finally, I caved.”

“You never acted like it affected you.”

“In public, God no, but behind closed doors, I was terrified, and Ben had no idea how to help, Amanda saved us, I was so scared, I wanted to run and hide and never go in front of a camera again.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, you guys are amazing, and your son is the most gorgeous little cutie going.”

“When he wants to be, he can be temperamental.” Sophie smiled fondly.

“Hey, he’s male, it’s to be expected.” Elle dismissed, earning a loud laugh from Sophie.

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 38 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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wolfy58 · 4 years ago

Text

1839 July Sunday 21

Got up 3 ¾ Went to bed ..

Had Mr Munthe with his bill and all settled as agreed upon yesterday – very good sort of man aetatis about 60! then had Gross gave him 2 Dollar Banco – account for yesterday and the remainder towards today – it seems I still owe him 17 marks – I think of giving him for[?] himself and wife 1/3 an English £ a day – annoyed! - off from Helsinborg Hotel de Munthe at 5 50/.. –

Fine but dull morning F 73° at 5 a.m. slept good – country like Zealand Cropa[?] Bekk – small light horses – no shoes on hind feet and merely plates on fore feet – Fleninge 1 Swedish mile at 6 ¾

Engelholm nice neat little town at 8 25/.. – change horses at the door of neat white splashed Inn – pretty water and wood – mowing grass – rye yellowish barley and oats every where quite green – Margretetorp change horses at the road side - little village about 160 yards off (left) – row of hops looking well – nice country from Margretetorp to Karup at 11 ¾ road hilly and sandy but hard bottom – moor juniper and cranberry and bilberry covered sheep walkings[?] strewed over with granite boulders none very large –

At 11 ½ descend upon Karup and into plain that in the distance had looked like water drag on several times this stage

Descend upon Karup ...

Good beech wood (like prince Christian’s) near Karup – scattered little village change horses at house[?] standing almost alone – several decent peasants there drinking out of little cups coffee? went in – could have coffee in 10 minutes – No! in ¼ hour had fresh milked milk and very good brown cake or bread and excellent butter – enjoyed our breakfast – I stood all the the while –

The rooms strewed with juniper – we liked the smell

very good brown cake or bread

Off again at 12 23/.. from Karup the road hilly and sandy but hard bottom – good deal of moor land – crops no where heavy but short and thin – at 2 good clean pretty town of Laholm but drive thro’ it with out changing horses as the handbook says, very pretty river winds round the town – 4 or 5 minutes out of it picturesque broad shallow stream rushing under wooden bridge from a mill – and at 2 25/.. peep at the Baltic and same river winding towards very pretty – the people every where very clean and well dressed –

At 3 35/.. Baltic (Kattegat) near (½ mile) left – sort of large open common – poor pasture – and sea nearish till enter (pass wooded bridge over river) at 4 50/.. into the good little town 2 story high houses of Halmstad where stop at the far end to change at 4 55/.. neat Grande Place and white washed church – nice town – the river runs its short course to the Kattegat and is here as good as the Ouse at York –

Two pictures of the river Nissan’s outlet into the Kattegat and on the right the castle of Halmstad (top W R Kerzka mid 1800′s, bottom Oscar Ohlson 1887)

At every change of horses write in Daybook name (Madame Lister) where from (Helsingborg) where going to (Gothenburg) number of persons (4) having done this last (par ignorance) first time here (Halmstad) – the sun very hot here – a few drops of rain between 1 and 2 – cold mornings and evenings? very hot in the sun – sortie by pretty white washed tree embosomed gateway – every where the people very decent and civil – sandy but hard bottom out of Halmstad – from 6 pretty drive thro’ wood and braks and mossy or wooded hill at 6 47/..

North gate (Norreport) Halmstad (Carl Stendahl 1879)

Stop to change at Qvibille very pretty picturesque little scattered village white washed church and dark brick red washed wood houses, red tiled and straw thatched – wooded hill all round more or less distant – very pretty for the last ¾ hour – but thin short oats and other corn – about after 7 alight for ¼ hour –

Qvibille Inn c. 1900

Horses refuse the hill– change the wheelers to the faulty leaders places – very pretty hereabouts farm and civil people give us cherries – we like the Swedes they are so civil – the cherries were brought out the moment the man heard we were English –

Rounded wooded hills and red straw thatched cottages with white chimneys and windows shatters – oak, birch, ash, alder, aspen – granite boulder fence walls – beeches as fine as prince Christian’s trees – all thro’ the forest and finer oaks and soon after 8 near the rounded granity (gneiss?) green and dark[?] granite boulder covered rocky hills – remind me of mountains and the fine mountain Norway scenery we are going to –

Drived from 7 ¾ to 8 ¾ just as we stop at Slöinge small pretty much scattered village, white church – the potatoes and corn everywhere the best crop they have – ‘tis now quite beautiful night quite light enough to write but growing duskish – tho’ the moon 1/8 way up the sky and bright and apparently about ¾ full, seemed setting, now we

All little hillocky warty moor windy granite boulders greened over with grass or juniper or cranberry or bilberry – then cornfields and folds[?] as everywhere patches pared thin and burning and patches of more dew or fog rising like smoke – hills all around – very thick dews in patches

Now at 9 50/.. or 10 5/.. by the clocks here can only just see to write this –

Marginal notes: leave Helsingborg

view off Baltic

Breakfast at Karup

Halmstad

drived

1839 July Sunday 21 (diary)

SH:7/ML/E/23/0087

SH:7/ML/E/23/0088

Got up 3 ¾ Went to bed ..

Had fallen asleep after being called – were to have been off at 4 – unluckily could not persuade Mr Mu[n]the to settle anything last night – obliged to give him 7 Sovereigns and 16 half ditto = £15 at ten Dollar Banco per Soverign! money enough ought to have been provided at Copenhagen –

Carriage valued at 500 Dollar Banco 10 per cent duty = 50 Dollar Banco etc. etc. = 55+ Dollar Banco paid to the custom house – harness above 56 Dollar Banco 50 Dollar Banco paid in advance for the posting etc. etc. hotel bill 4.24 so that altogether we paid before leaving Helsinborg 168 Dollar Banco engaging to give the coachman at Gothenborg 33.18 Banco and then we had to live on the road – 22 5/8 Swedish miles about 150 English miles – not true that one can travel quite for nothing even in Sweden –

Gave Gross 4 Dollar Banco in account and off at last – nevertheless thinking Mr Munthe tho’ he must gain by our soverigns above 2 out of the 15 besides probably some further premium at the hands of our Swedish hussar coachman whom he found us – but we could do no better – Gross of no use save as a servant to wait upon us –

Off at 5 50/.. from Helsin[g]borg, Hotel Munthe – with one Swedish hussar coachman John Harder and the man to bring back the horses sitting on the boot imperial – our harness very decent – at our 4th relais, at Karup, at 11 ¾ alighted and therefore ordered breakfast fresh milked milk and brown cake or bread and excellent butter – ready for us in ¼ hour price 32 skillings = 1 Dollar rigsgeld = 2/3 Dollar Banco almost a single house – neat, the rooms strewed over with and strong-smelling of juniper – not disagreeable – Karup a very scattered village several men drinking something (coffee) out of small cups – all very civil –

Off again at 12 23/.. – flat, sandy, thin-cropped country but everything Swedish new to us and therefore interesting – the low red painted houses, straw thatched or red tiled (or brick between squares of wood) – picturesque – from Karup road sandy but good hard bottom – not so deep as from Lingen to Hazelunne in Oldenburg – and from Karup a good deal of moorland covered with low sheep-eaten juniper cranberry and bilberry – we thought Engelholm at 8 25/.. and Laholm at 2 4/.. nice neat good little towns –

Halmstad at 4 55/.. a nice little town – sortie by a pretty whitewashed tree-embossed gabel-ended gateway – from Laholm the country improves in the picturesque – peeps of the sea – just out of Laholm cross picturesque rapidy stream – picturesque mill there – and pretty – road sandy out of Halmstad, but pretty drive from there thro’ wood (forest) and breaks and moors or wooded hill – crops everywhere thin and short –

Qvibille at 6 47/.. very pretty picturesque little scattered village whitewashed church and dark brick red washed wood cottages straw thatched or red tiled – bad horses from here – alight about after 7 for ¼ hour the horses turning restive up a hill – put the wheelers into the faulty leaders places –

A civil farmer finding we were English gave us cherries looking ½ ripe, but eating good – the Swedes all very civil – very pretty drive from Qvibille – about 8 we near the rounded granity or gneiss? hills – Slöinge at 8 ¾ just as we had finished our dinner of Helsinborg bread and butter and cheese and Deventer gingerbread –

The potatoes seem everywhere the best crop they have – the moors are everywhere striking as being as it were warty, the granite boulders greened over being thick upon the and giving the ground this singular appearance –

At 9 50/.. I could just see to write – the dew lying on the ground in very thick patches, like thick fog or smoke creeping along at no great height – to clear ground for crops, they first get off the surface stones, then pare and burn – see no turnips –

I kept awake, and the twilight continued, very little less light than at 9 50/.., till about midnight – I then slept but awoke at 2 a.m. and found it then so light that I could very well see to write – then slept till near 6 –

#anne lister #ann walker #anne lister code breaker #halmstad #kavring #sweden 1839

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scornedlove · 6 years ago

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Chapter Fifteen

ROBYN

It’s official. I made my own name in fashion. We were at London Fashion Week again, but this time I wasn’t just watching. I was working alongside some of the fashion greats. The first week of January Adam Selman reached out to me personally. Apparently, the networking I did at the last fashion show paid off. He liked many of my ideas and wanted to collab on the upcoming fashion show, which meant we had about six weeks. He started working on this collection in June but felt it needed something more, so I was included in all the major decisions. It was such an amazing experience, from deciding on how things sit on the models to deciding how the pieces were cut. All the hard work paid off because the show was a success and he wanted me to join him on the autumn and winter collection as well.

“This is going to open so many doors for me” l smiled, thinking out loud. Mel, Frankie, Paige, and I had just made it back to our hotel, shitfaced from celebrating.

“Yeah, you’re finally getting the recognition you deserve!” Frankie agreed. “I knew you would take off any day now. Nobody knows how hard you work like I do. You earned this.”

“I wanna go to Bim and celebrate with my people. I might as well take all ya’ll with me, ya’ll put in just as much work as I do. We all could use a vacation, plus my birthday is coming up” I grinned, excited just thinking about it.

“That’s what I’m talking about! I need to bathe in some island sun” Paige nodded her approval. “The only person who probably wouldn’t come is Meagan, only God knows how pissed she is that she didn’t get to come to fashion week last time and this time.”

“Well, if you don’t do your job right at home, why would you get the privilege of traveling?” I shrugged, feeling no sympathy. It’s a wonder I haven’t let her go yet. She was constantly coming in late, leaving early, and leaving tasks unfinished. I must admit, our customers enjoy her. She’s really good when it comes to customer service, but slacks in everything else.

“Yeah, but you know she’s been feeling some type of way since she saw Dre come in with your purse that day. That would be the real reason she doesn’t go to Barbados.” Frankie chimed in. “That’s my girl and all, but I’m not missing out on Barbados for anybody”

“What do you mean? Megan and Dre had a thing? Wait, you and Dre are hookin up?” Mel asked curiously. She had been in her bubble with J, so I hadn’t even told her about what happened between Dre and I on New Year’s Eve.

“You slut! I thought you said ya’ll vowed not to cross the line?” she asked mimicking my voice, after I gave her the quick, short version of what went down.

“Shit happens” I shrugged nonchalantly.

“I hope you know you can’t be playing with this man’s emotions, especially after what Teyana put him through.”

“It’s just sex. It’s not like this is serious” I explained.

“You can only say that if it happened once, but come to think of it. I’ve seen much less of you lately, that means you’re getting consistent dick” she snickered, making Frankie and Paige burst out in laughter.

“No, I’ve been working bitch” I corrected her while giving her the finger.

“But seriously, be careful. You know I worry about you”

“Well don’t. I feel better than I have in a very long time" I stressed hoping to convince her. I was telling the truth; things were really starting to look up for me. I was content with being single and on top of that, my career was starting to take off, so I couldn’t be happier.

I even went out of my way to make sure I enjoyed Valentine’s Day, even though I spent it alone. I went and saw the movie Silver Linings, bought myself a beautiful bouquet, and had an online shopping spree while eating pizza and cheesecake. It was the perfect day and now I couldn’t wait to get home to my new pair of red bottoms and two new Burberry purses.

“How are you today John” I asked my driver, in a cheerful tone, as he grabbed my luggage and tossed it in the trunk. Dre hooked me up with the car service he’s been using for a couple of years and so far, I was extremely satisfied. It’s nice being chauffeured around and my driver was cool to talk to.

“I’m good, now that my bajan thing is back” he winked, opening the back door for me.

“Happy Birthday” Dre sang as soon as I got in. He had balloons and a massive bouquet of roses.

“What are you doing here?!” I yelled, completely surprised.

“I wanted to be the first to welcome you back. How was your trip?” he asked, pouring champagne into a flute and offering it to me.

“It was fuckin awesome!” I grinned, gladly taking it and gulping down half of it immediately. “I’m ready to leave again so I can celebrate that and my birthday”

“What are we doing for your birthday?” He asked curiously.

“Well, I didn’t have anything planned for today, but I’m taking my crew to Bim for a three-day weekend. We’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Cool, so that means I can steal you away today” he smiled.

“Well I have so much to do in so little time. I have to pick up Ollie and Pepe, stop by the shop for a few things, and so much other stuff” I replied. I didn’t expect him to even want to spend my birthday with me, it would’ve been nice to have a heads up.

“How about lunch before you get started on all that?” he suggested.

“I’m sorry Dre, but I don’t have time to wait a half hour for food and take another half hour to eat it.”

"Well, how about this: I’ll let you take care of everything you got going on, and you can come to my house later. I’ll have a nice birthday dinner ready and we can have a little night cap. I won't keep you out too late” he promised.

“Deal” I replied, realizing he just wasn’t taking no for an answer.

He rode with me for most of my errands and kept my glass full the entire time. By the time I made it to work, I was pretty tipsy so when Jenn started singing happy birthday at the top of her lungs, I started to twerk to the imaginary beat.

“What are you even shaking?” Meagan asked with a frown. “You literally have no ass”

“Dats cool tho, cause what I lack in da back, I pack in da cat” I shrugged with a wink and she rolled her eyes.

“Any who. Not that it compares to that big ass bouquet you have in your hand, but someone literally had a single rose delivered to you today. It’s on your desk” she stated.

“Oh yeah, Chris dropped something off for you last week, it’s in your office too” Jenn added nonchalantly and my heart almost stopped from hearing his name.

“Wow” I whispered in awe when I saw the canvas that brightened up my office. I immediately recognized the painting from last year’s Valentine’s Day and my heart skipped a beat. I was confused though. Was this his way of getting rid of what was left of me, or was this his way of reaching out to me?

When I removed the canvas from my desk, I found the rose and a note in Chris’s familiar handwriting and my questions were answered. He wanted to talk so he’d left his number.

“Hello” he answered on the second ring.

“Hi Chris” I paused, feeling lost for words. “It’s Robyn. I just got the gifts…This painting…. it’s beautiful. Thanks”

“You’re welcome. I honestly didn’t think you would call, and happy birthday by the way.”

“Thanks”

“I don’t know what you have going on, but I would love to take you to dinner tonight… For old times’ sake”

“Okay, what did you have in mind?” I replied, without missing a beat.

“Your favorite, Gorgio Baldi of course.” He quickly replied.

“I would love that. I’m finishing up a few things at the office, I can meet you there at 6”

“That's perfect”

“Okay, I guess I’ll see you soon” I smiled through the phone. I felt mixed emotions as butterflies tickled my stomach. I’ve been wishing I could just have a single moment alone with him and I was finally getting that chance. I hated to leave Dre hanging so I made a mental note to cancel with him before I left the office.

I worked quickly and was done with everything that was urgent in a couple of hours. I was in the middle of packing my laptop when Jenn rushed into my office.

“Ooh, I'm glad I caught you. There’s a call for you on line one. It’s Jacques, he says it’s urgent.” she announced.

“Hello” I picked up the phone, wondering what he could possibly want.

“Hi Robyn, it’s about Rayven”

“What about her?” I asked, partially irritated. She was always up to something.

“She’s in the hospital. You need to come and see her” he ordered.

“Is she okay? What happened?” I asked, now frightened.

“She’s in the ICU at Kaiser, I don’t know all the details, just get here as soon as you can” he insisted with urgency before hanging up.

An hour later, I was looking at my younger cousin attached to all sorts of machines and couldn’t help but feel guilty. Apparently, she was high on cocaine and had a stroke. She’s been in a coma for 2 days already, and things still aren’t looking all that great for her.

I know her bad choices aren’t my fault, but maybe if I would’ve at least taken her calls she wouldn’t be here. She went from trying to call me several times a day to calling a few times a week, but she eventually stopped trying.

“What the fuck am I gonna tell her mom?” I sighed as my mind raced. I’m the only family she has here and I’m supposed to be looking out for her. Yeah, she’s done some fucked up things in the past, but I wouldn’t wish death on her.

After seeing her like that, I had to wait in the lobby. I felt responsible and every time that monitor beeped, I felt my anxiety raising. On top of all that, I couldn’t stand to be here. All I could think about was the last time I was in the hospital. I knew my anxiety would be off the charts so I took a Xanax before coming in, but it wasn’t helping.

“I know ya’ll aren’t in the best place right now-” Jacques began as soon as he saw me.

“Never mind that dumb shit, what happened to my cousin?” I asked, angrily. “Where the fuck is Jay?”

“He had business to take care of, that’s why I’m here” he stated, trying to calm me down. “I’m sorry this happened to her, but she’s really been spiraling downhill since you guys fell out. She’s been out of control, partying like there’s no tomorrow, and not taking care of herself. It’s like she didn’t care if anything happened to her.”

“Well I guess her boyfriend doesn’t care either, considering he’s not by her side” I fumed.

“They aren’t together anymore. I’m not all in their business, so I don’t know what’s going on, but she’s been running with a new crowd, and none of those muthafuckas are here, but they’re part of the reason she is. Look, we can point fingers all day but I’m just here to help. I think it might be a good idea to get her mom down here, there’s no telling what may happen” he admitted.

“Are you okay? You're shaking.” he asked when I didn’t respond.

“What if she died on my birthday?” I blurted as my eyes finally began to water. “That would be some fucked up shit”

“You can’t think like that. You gotta pull yourself together so you can be strong for her” he continued. "It ain't always about you. Everyone has been through some shit. You just gotta suck that shit up, forgive, and move on.

“Okay” I sighed realizing he was right. I sat down for a minute, after taking another Xanax, and finally I could feel my heart rate slowing. I wasn’t prepared for the call I was about to make, but I dialed my Aunt Jenna’s number and prayed to God she could find a way to forgive me.

The next couple of days were like torture. I put everything I had going on, on hold to be there for Rayven. After calling Aunt Jenna, she was down here on the next fight. She arrived the next day and that’s when hell began. She went from sympathy to pure hatred when she found out why Rayven was in a coma. She kept saying that she shouldn’t have left home, and how she was worshiping the devil out here. Her energy was all bad and after sitting at this hospital for three days hearing her speak ill of my little cousin, I felt like it was unnecessary for her to be here if she hated her own daughter so much.

“Auntie” I called out, interrupting her phone call. I could hear her saying to someone she was in the States because her daughter was a dumpsy and overdosed, and that must’ve been the last straw.

“Hold up” she spoke to whoever was on the phone and pulled it away from her face. “Wuh you want?” she asked, obviously irritated that I interrupted her conversation. No wonder Rayven was so ready to get away from her, she had evil going through her veins. She wasn’t like that when we were growing up, so this was all new to me.

“I don’t mind staying here with Ray. I can get you a room, so you can take a shower and get some rest. I’ll have my driver come get you if anything changes, that way you can be here when she wakes up” I offered in the kindest tone I could. I would hate to disrespect my Aunt, but if I continued to hear the way she spoke about Rayven, things could get ugly fast. Lucky for everyone, she accepted my offer.

Another day came and went with no changes. I was so exhausted and depressed just sitting around and waiting, so when Mel offered to keep watch for a few hours, I was more than grateful.

I went home, showered, and had a quick meal. By the time I made it back to the hospital, Rayven had woken up.

“Rob-?” Rayven’s raspy voice called out when I walked in.

“Thank God! You’re up?! “I smiled, feeling relief rush over me.

“I’m so sorry” she choked out as tears started to fall.

“Shhh. Try not to talk” I replied softly. “You’re alive and that’s all that matters right now.”

“I tried to call you, but your phone is going to voicemail. She just woke up about ten minutes ago. They drew some blood and will be back to get her for an MRI any minute.” Mel stated, checking her watch. On cue, two nurses came in and took her away.

“Thank you for sitting with her. I know how you feel about her, so that really meant a lot” I stated, giving Mel a hug.

“Girl, family is family. I was upset about her holding her lie back, it wasn’t any deeper than that” she shrugged. “But I do have to go, charge your phone so I can check on ya’ll later”

I stayed with Rayven the rest of the day, but I really missed my bed. I decided to leave for the night, and promised her I would be back tomorrow morning. I was so tired that I passed out in the backseat and woke up to John shaking my shoulder. “Ms. Robyn, we’ve arrived” he repeated over and over until I realized where we were.

“This ain’t where I live” I snapped looking around trying to figure out where the hell I was, then I spotted Dre quickly approaching us.

“Don’t curse him babe. Take it out on me. I talked to Mel earlier and she told me you were on the way home. I called and called but you didn’t pick up. John told me you were passed out in the back, so I told him to bring you here” he explained, pissing me off even further.

“I’ve been at the hospital for a week. I just want to sleep in my own bed” I sighed, slapping my forehead.

“I got you girl. My bed is just as comfortable, if not I will take you home myself” he promised. I was irritated but I rolled my eyes and got out the car anyway. When I got inside, I changed into one of his t-shirts, used the bathroom, and went straight to bed.

When I woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon and my stomach growling, I couldn’t help but let my nose lead the way.

“Good morning sleepy head” Dre smiled as he pulled the bacon out of the oven.

“Wow” I grinned, after seeing the feast he’d created. There were waffles, sausage, bacon, and scrambled eggs.

“Sit down” he ordered, pulling a chair out for me. “I miss you, so I’m stealing one hour from you. I didn’t get to treat you on your birthday, so just relax and let me enjoy you”

"How am I supposed to do that when my cousin is alone in the hospital?"

"I know you're used to taking care of everyone else, but you can't take care of anyone if you're not taking care of yourself. Let me take care of you Anna" he pleaded.

“Alright, but you can’t keep hijacking my car. Next time you’re gonna regret it” I shook my finger at him.

“Okay, I won’t kidnap you again. You just gotta figure out a healthy balance between your job and your personal life” he stated, leaving it at that.

After eating, he gave me a full body massage, that led to some great sex. I had a lot of shit to do since I missed a week of work, but it was sweet that he missed me enough to plan all of this. I've never had anyone damn near kidnap me just to make sure I was good. So instead of fighting it, I let him take care of me and I was glad that I did.

#robyn rihanna fenty #ff #fanfic #fanfiction #RiRi #rih

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ebbyberry · 3 years ago

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Phuket, Thailand 130718 - 150718

3 May 2020

SOOOOOOO... I just got back from Phuket for a REALLY REALLY short trip, and it was some really good times I have spent with some random strangers who I just met on that day itself.

It was a firm's trip. We managed to get higher budget for this year as we worked our ass off to earn some big bucks for the firm, so we got extra budget for the trip. The committee planned us a two days two night trip to Phuket, with accommodation and hotel paid for. It was also my first trip with the firm, so I was excited for it.

Prior to the trip, we found out that the weather in Phuket was really bad (news like: Thai boys trapped in Phuket Cave and Boat flipped while tourist out for island hopping - the government banned water activities there and then). So I was thinking it is going to be a really chill trip, where we would just stay indoors all the time. BUT GUESS WHAT? The weather was so good, we did not see one drop of rain the entire time there. I can only thank God for his grace.

Upon arrival (10am 130718), we went around to discover Patong beach for some food to find that the entire area is a ghost town in the morning. We ended up eating in some really fancy restaurant, cause there were literally nothing open. ==' we went back to the hotel for a quick nap (cause most of us woke up at 3am for our 6am flight). The hotel we stayed in is Swissotel Patong beach, Phuket. It was nothing very fancy but it was comfortable and clean, which are all that matters for a hotel room to me.

After a short nap, we all gathered at the lobby and went on to explore Patong more. Well, we shall just call this gang that I keep hanging out with this trip the Ping Pong gang (you shall find out why later in the post). So the ping pong gang stroll around Patong beach, I stopped at a pancake shop to get one (nutella chocolate flavour) and it reminds me the ones I had in Krabi (2016). If you guys ever visit Krabi/Phuket do look out for them! After walking for a bit, we went for foot massage for only 200 baht!!!! That was like RM24.58 (Rate at rm12.29 per 100 baht), any masseuse in Thailand is usually good, so just walk in to any if the price they display suits your budget. Try the ones in the alleyway for a cheaper price - travel tips alert! We went shopping afterwards, I got a really cute elephant singlet and a red elephant pattern pants which amounted to 300 baht, always try to haggle (especially if you're buying more than 1 piece).

After strolling around, we head back to the hotel to get ready for our trip dinner - Hawaiian Luau. I dressed in my purple patterned jumpsuit with a red floral headband and went down to gather for ice breaking session. We did it in a terrace/rooftop area which lookout to the city with day-beds, which was nice. We did human bingo, lined up 5x5 and if a criteria that the game master mentioned fits you, you stand and if all 5 in a row in various ways stood up wins bingo.

After that we were Before the trip, they gathered us newbies to come up with something to perform during our trip dinner. There were eleven of us and we meet three days to rehearse. It was a new bunch of people whom I have not met before but we managed to harmonize beautifully, lol of course we did not harmonize hahaha, we just did some singing for 3 mins and that was it, but thinking back, I am thankful for the time we spent together. We sang <It's time - Imagine Dragons> and <Flashlight - Pitch perfect> and it was well, not bad I would say, given the amount of time we used to practice.

Then there was the usual agenda of an annual dinner and once that was over, we

ebby

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missklou · 7 years ago

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Bts reaction {Wanting to break up because of his insecurities} Part 1/2 Hyung Line.

Part 2 (Maknae line)

(for people that make gifs/gifsets, I absolutely adore your work, if you do not approve the use of your gifs please let me know and I’ll stop)

(Currently taking requests)

Request: Helloooo! I'm a bit overexcited but I'd love to read a reaction in which the members doubt themselves (about looks or characteristics or smth) and want to break up with their s/o because they feel like they aren't enough (heavy angst oh boy) but with a happy ending in which their s/o reassures them and they kiss, hug etc... just fluff :) Not sure if you write angst but yeah that'd be great <3

(I am sorry, that might not be exactly what you asked for because I got a little bit carried away -okay maybe it was a lot-)

Mini scenarios (not even that mini, I’m sorry I have a problem) with each member. If you like it, please check the masterlist for more

Warnings: Heavy angst.

Seokjin:

There were two reasons for your relationship with Jin to be the way it was.

1- He was the worldwide handsome fabulous boy in a famous boy group.

2- Your job paid the bills, made you feel successful and you did not plan on being separated from Jin anytime soon.

Being around him without being able to express your love freely was torture, but it was better than spending months away from each other every time he went away on tour.

So your relationship was the secret you two were most determined to keep.

He uses every second to touch you while you do his makeup and you always whisper how much you love him when no one is around; For you, that was enough.

During the promotions of their comeback, they had a deal with a famous stylist that would often come around to see how they were looking.

Jin more than once pointed that the man could not take his eyes from you, to which you denied at first, since he treated you like any other artist in the staff.

As time went by and the tour came up, Jin had less and less time with you, your makeup sections became rushed and you spent more time with the man in the waiting room than with Jin.

The first week of tour, the man took you out for nice lunches and even tagged along for shopping on your break. He seemed interested and it was making you uncomfortable, so you decided to end your “relationship” -if you could even call it a relationship- when he offered you a job in his runway show productions.

You told your boyfriend about it and going against your expectations, Jin seemed completely sad about it.

-We have to break up. -He said, eyes never meeting yours.

You looked around the storage closet you were locked in and close your fist, trying to fight the tears.

-What do you mean Jin? Why are you being like that lately? Why are we fighting all the time when we can’t even fight here?

-This is not good for you okay? -His eyes are filled with tears and you just want to reach his face and kiss it. -I’m not good enough... Can’t you see that? We can’t even kiss in front of other people because of me, you refused a new job that could pay you double... -He hides his face with his hands, hopeless. -You are too good for what I have to offer you, you deserve a nice guy that can make you happy in front of everyone and...

You take his hands away from his face and hold them tightly, eyes almost glowing.

-You can’t tell me what I deserve and break up with me you fucktard! -You laugh at his shocked expression and you throw your arms around him, pressing your head against his chest. -I am makeup artist Jin, if I wanted to be in the spotlight, I would be doing something else. -He lowers his head to look you in the eyes and you smile again. -I don’t want to be with someone because of the attention, I don’t need you to show me to the world, I just need you to make me happy... And you make me euphoric Kim Seokjin.

He pulls you in for a kiss that tastes like salty tears and assurance.

(By @bwiseoks) (I have to say it was so hard to find an insecurity to apply to Jin, not because he doesn’t have any but because he speaks so little about it)

Yoongi:

The past week had been the most fearful Yoongi has ever been.

When your boyfriend went out on tour, you would go with him and occupy yourself with exploring the countries he was performing on. Being a full-time photographer had its perks and traveling without a problem was one of them.

You absolutely loved traveling and sitting on your couch at home, showing your new photographs to Yoongi, was seriously the second thing you loved most in the world, the first being take Yoongi with you on your explorings.

Yoongi had never mentioned any insecurity about your adventurous personality and always said he was happy he could help you to have the experiences you wanted, he often described you as “the most courageous person in the world”

However, in one of those trips, while Yoongi was at sound checkings minutes before the show, you were walking around the city, taking pictures by a river.

You were crossing a large bridge when you spotted a kid playing with a flower behind its parents, that were admiring the view. Smiling, you kneeled to take a picture of the cute chubby child.

Seconds later you realized she was heading to the opposite side of its parents, you see that the stone protections on the sides of the bridge have enough space for a little infant to slip through and fall. And this one was getting dangerously close to the edge. Letting go of your camera and backpack, you scream for the parents but is too late and the kid falls into the river.

Without giving it a second thought, you jump behind it, only a surprised gasp leaving you as you brace yourself for the impact 10 meters above.

Fortunately, you were able to pull the child out of the water and had people help you by calling the emergency, a doctor took care of the infant and someone even took photos of you in the river with your own camera.

It took a lot of persistence to convince people that you were okay and did not need medical help, due to both not speaking the language and people’s concern about a leg injury that you got, probably from scratching it on something at bottom of the river.

Everything is okay the next morning and the next after that, you leave for the next country with the boys, you are all leaving the airport when you suddenly get dizzy with the city lights and ends up fainting.

You fell ill so fast. Yoongi was terrified, he never feared something like he feared to see you on that hospital bed. It wasn’t just concern, it was paralyzing.

The whole tour had to enter hiatus because Yoongi couldn’t face the stage knowing you could die. It was only when you started to get visibly better that he could get out of the room for more than a few hours.

When you got charged out, Yoongi pushed your wheelchair to the car park and then stopped at the doors and walked around to see you.

-I can’t do this. -He said, tears rolling down his face. -I am breaking up.

-Yoongi? What are you breaking up? -Your voice trembles, you stare at him incredulous that he would be doing this.

-Us. I am breaking up with you. -He sounds breathless, you feel your own eyes tearing up. -You won’t be hearing from me, nor see me ever again.

-Why would you do that to me when I just recovered? -You get up with difficulty, still weak. -I fought so hard for us to be together why... -You run out of breath when the cry creates a nod in your throat. -Why would you do that to us?

-Because... -His dark eyes are red and swollen, he closes his eyes for a second. -I was so useless Y/n! I was completely useless! When you told me what had happened Jungkook had to get me a cab because I couldn’t think straight. When you fainted at the airport, Hoseok checked on you because I couldn’t move. I watched you almost die in front of me and I did nothing!

You blink at him.

-Even before that, even before everything! You would go out to see the world and I wanted to lock you in the hotel room, I wanted to keep you by my side at all seconds because I was so afraid to lose you! I was so insecure about you meeting another one, the love of your life, on one of those crazy adventures, or hurting yourself where I couldn’t do anything, but even when I was by your side I couldn’t help! -Yoongi wasn’t someone who would snap like this if it weren’t serious. -You deserve someone that can protect you without strangling you like I wanted to, someone with the confidence to follow you on your explorings and strong enough to see you hurt, because damn I wasn’t strong enough, I thought I was dying.

Your hands grab his jumpers and pull him to your body, squeezing him into a hug.

-Min Yoongi you are the most strong fucking person I know. -You tell him, lips brushing his ear. -When you were freaking out, you acted calmly so you wouldn’t startle me, you helped me when I could do nothing but throw up, you gave me my medicine every day and when I asked myself “Should I have jumped? Was it worth dying?” you told me that it was the most admirable thing you have ever seen someone do and that gave me so much strength. -Your hands tighten in his clothes, tears wetting his back. -Fuck Yoongi, I’ve been all over the world and yet you are my biggest adventure.

He laughs, chest shaking against yours, then sobs and hugs your waist.

-I fucking love you.

-I fucking love you too Yoongi.

(By @acciosugas)

Hoseok:

Hoseok had been working on one of the most difficult routines he had ever done before and the stress had been building up, and you knew he was going to snap sooner or later.

He was missing out on things he usually paid attention at. Forgetting your anniversary, spending dinner on his phone and giving you short dry answers were not like your caring boyfriend. All tho it made you upset, you knew Hoseok was just stressed and tended to be harsh with himself.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t do the dance moves, it was the pressure to meet up with everyone’s expectations while working so hard to look bright and sunny even when he had troubles.

The one person Jung Hoseok could not fool with a radiant smile was you. Years of relationship had taught you that J-hope, justifying his stage name, would never show what he thought were his weakness, not even to you.

When the day of his new solo performance approaches, you beg for him to rest some more as his rehearsals become frenetic because you can see him getting worn out right in front of you, but it is useless because your boyfriend is well known to be unstoppable.

What you feared the most happened at the big day. During the official performance, tiredness takes the best of him and in one single step, he messes it up.

His right foot slips and he loses balance on one of the most difficult steps, one of his hands go to the floor to keep him from falling. It only lasts a second and no one notices because he moves so fast, you wouldn't even notice it if you hadn't watched the performance a million times at home.

It was hard to enjoy the rest of the concert knowing that once you were alone, Hoseok wouldn't be able to restrain himself for much longer, so you tell yourself the whole time that when he snaps, you are going to be prepared.

Only you were not.

You were not prepared for Hoseok being so harsh.

-I messed up. -He states, passing by you on his way to the waiting room, not even glancing.

You follow his steps and grab him by the arm.

-Hoseok let's talk.

-Let's not talk! -He says, voice getting loud, you stop when he turns, his face is pink with anger. - Let's not talk! If we hadn't talked that much I would've been able to do it without messing it up! If you hadn't insisted on me relaxing and resting I would've practiced some more and it would have been a fucking decent performance! I don’t even know why we are still together, it’s like that every time!

Shivers run down your spine. The boy you know doesn't curse or blame you for his mistakes, the boy you know doesn't get this worked up over a two seconds mistake.

-Hoseok your dancing was amazing. -His shoulders drop with a sigh and he stares at his shoes, figuring out that screaming at you won't make him feel any better. -I saw you practice that routine like a mad person and you looked flawless each time! Hoseok if you were in my shoes, would you let me overwork until I was rotting in front of you? You are only a human being Hobi, for as much as I like to think of you as a super-hero, you are just human. That means you need to rest and eat like a normal person.

He gives you one final look before turning around and leaving.

Your boyfriend had never walked out of a conversation like that, he had never turned his back at you like what you had to say didn't matter and that hurt more than you could explain.

You took a cab to your house, not wanting to take the bus and end up crying in front of all the people, and when you got there you found him leaning against the kitchen counter, crying.

A crying Hoseok was one of the most heartbreaking things in the world and you feel your heart sink when he sobs, looking right at you.

-Why didn't you tell me? -He asks, pointing the calendar at the corner of the balcony. -Our anniversary... I remember it every year but I forgot about it... It was a week ago! -Another loud sob- Why didn't you remind me?

You leave your bag on the floor and approach him, uncertain.

-Because you were stressed out and I didn't want to put even more pressure on you.

-That's why you gave me that expensive speaker then? -You only nod.

-You complained about your phone not being loud enough for practicing at home.

He lets his head down to hide it in between his arms on the balcony, crying even more.

You run for him, hugging his body from behind, head pressing against his shaking back.

-Hope what happened? -He grabs one of your hands but doesn't answer. -Why are you so worked up lately?

-It's just... -He stops for a second to compose himself. -There were just this comments on one of our live streams saying that I looked inferior to the members and so was "getting in the way"... I wanted to work hard to prove that I deserve to be where I am but I messed up. -Hoseok sniffs and every single word breaks your heart a little more.

You tense your jaw to keep the anger inside, boiling blood and all, you let go of your boyfriend's waist to cup his face.

-Jung Hoseok I've seen you spent more than ten hours on a dance room. I've heard you sing and rap in your sleep. I more than once thought I should go to the hospital because of how weak I feel everytime you smile. I love the fact that when I look up your name online, photos of you looking like the sun itself pop up.

He laughs at your choice of words, you pet his cheeks.

-I've seen you looking like a god before going on stage, seen your sweaty ass after practice and seen you bare face when you wake up and Jung Hoseok there is no less breathtaking version of you. -You kiss him, letting his arms surround you. -You work harder than anyone I know and that is because you love what you do. If you don't have fun with what you are doing, it only becomes a burden.

-Thank you so much Y/N, I'm sorry for this week, I love you.

-I love you too baby, you are the most important and appreciated creature in this world for me.

-I know that, I really don't need anything else. -He tells you before pulling you in for another kiss.

(by @yourpinkpill)

Namjoon:

Life wasn't easy. But you had Namjoon. You worked your ass off every day, trying to make a living, trying to live one day after the other and it was hard sometimes but Namjoon would always be right by your side, and you could look ahead and think that things would be getting better soon.

Your first year of residency has proved itself brutal as you found no time to sleep, eat or breath at all outside the hospital and it was only because of your caring boyfriend that you did not give up.

He would bring you meals, clean clothes and even red bull for when you had allnighters.

The thing is... You shared an apartment with Namjoon, worked twelve to fourteen hours a day and had only a short paycheck to support the both of you.

The matter did cause long discussions with your family and Namjoon himself, but they simply didn't understand.

You didn't stick to Namjoon all these years since high school because he was a "save option", damn it, Namjoon has never been a save option.

The reason you and Namjoon were together through life was exclusively because you believed in each other when no one else did.

No one believed you would ever get into med school, no one believed in Namjoon's talent and that was the fire that led you two to the state you were at.

You, treating patients like you always dreamed about, Namjoon producing his own music.

Selling songs as a ghostwriter didn't ever make him happy and you knew that he was only doing it to help you with the money, which earned a few episodes of you telling him to focus on producing the type of music he would like to listen to and be happy with his job.

One day, getting home in the morning, ready to drop on your bed and have the best night -or in this case, day- of sleep of your life, you find Namjoon at his customized mini studio in your house, seating on the floor, crying.

-Monie? Baby, what happened? -You kneel in front of him and he cleans his tears with the back of his hand.

-We have... -He sighs and then closes his eyes. -We have to break up.

Your heart sinks and you get light headed for a second.

Your boyfriend, that has been with you for the past nine years, was now telling you how he was going to leave you, and you were going to forget all about him, and you just couldn't take it.

-Shut the fuck up Namjoon. -You stand up, nails piercing your palms. He stares at you surprised by the aggressiveness in your words. -I only need to know if you still love me. -You whisper at him, that is your biggest fear, has been ever since you and Namjoon started dating, that one day he would wake up from a daze and realize he wasted all these years with you...

-Fuck, so much. -He spills out, standing up too. -I fucking love you so much Y/n and that's why we should break up.

It's your turn to close your eyes and cry.

-Why can't you understand that this is me and you? -You tell him, shoulders shaking.

-Maybe that is the problem princess... I am dragging you down.

Your eyes shot open.

-I just... It has been months! -He admits, pointing at his computer. -It has been months since I last produced a good song. I have no inspiration, no capacity, I have been draining your money and making you work all these extra hours and you always tell me it is nothing but all I can think is how much of a worthless piece of shit I am. I can't even write a song while you save lives and our friend's graduate, and have children, and grow up... Maybe it's time I wake up too!

You can't explain how your blood is boiling from hearing someone talk about the person you love like that, even the someone being your loved one.

-I am telling you that we should break up because I am going to give up. -He can't face you, shame spreading through his chest. -I'm going to give up music and look for my dad again, maybe try an office job or something...

You press him against the wall, fuming.

-I have worked all night Namjoon, and it was not to get home and have my inspiration tell me that he is going to give up! -Your eyes are on fire, your boyfriend gasps. -You are the most talented motherfucker of this goddamn world and I will not allow you to speak like that about the person that I run home to every day! -You are screaming at this point, his eyes grow on his face. -You do not have the right to give up! I won't let you! And you know why? -You suddenly hug him, left ear pressing against his heart. -Because when I locked myself in the break room and cried my eyes out, you rushed to the hospital because you felt like "I needed a hug". When I failed to get accepted you told me that if anyone was ever to wear a medical coat it would be me. You wrote me cute messages like "Don't give up, even if it’s very hard, I'm here for you" on post-its on my lunch boxes and damn Namjoon I will only accept our break up when your excuse be "because you are too famous to have a girlfriend", did you understand me?

Namjoon laughs so loud, dimples contrasting with his swollen eyes and lean in for a long kiss.

-I have loved you for nine years, Monie, the only thing I have ever seen you truly love is music.

-And you. -He corrects.

-Hopefully.

The next week Namjoon writes his best rap, doesn't sell it for any shitty artist and blows up on the internet.

That's your boyfriend.

(By nomu-namu)

part 2

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whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years ago

Text

Tuesday 4 September 1838

9 ¾

so bit last night that this and the loss of my cloak prevented sleep – got up at 12 ¾, and, on examining my bed killed a louse – enough – sat up the rest of the night, slumbering when I could as I leaned back in my chair – I had luckily brought away nearly 2 whole tallow candles from Bagnères de L- this morning as a separate charge (unusual) was made for them, and one of these with the one we got here made out for the night – aroused at 4 – chocolate at 5 – determined to return the same way we came to look for my cloak – off (from Bosost [Bossòst] at 5 ½ - at the little chapel of St. Antoine in ½ hour at 6 – at the top of the Portillon at 6 35 – had looked and inquired all along in vain for my poor cloak – had thought of sending Charles to the village to Lys to seek my cloak but had hardly uttered all the way till 7 35 when I said I was determined to have it found if possible conte qu’il conte – Charles rather in a pet said qu’il ne l’avait pas enlevé..... this led to some words, and I blamed him for the careless, and was annoyed – however before we had gone ½ hour father he thought better of it and seemed so ashamed and sorry and made so very sufficient an apology (poor fellow! he was in tears – said I was very just – he had been with me so long etc. etc. never did wrong willingly......) that I promised to say and think no more of it and all was right again – for at 7 35 when I had told Charles to go to Lys, seeing that he was for leaving the mule and going on foot, I thought this would not do, and sent Jean who promised to be back as soon as possible and was sure he could get the cloak back if it had been lost thereabouts - .:. at 7 35 Jean set off by our route of yesterday and we returned by the direct road – by and by passed a douanier who asked Charles if we came from Spain – Charles came to tell me that he had said no! we had only been making a petite promenade and all was settled without another word – begged if I was asked I would give the same answer – no! said I, I shall certainly tell the truth if I am applied to – Charles said, he was very glad we had got off so well; for if he had said we had been in Spain, I should have had a fine of 60/. a horse to pay – Arrived à l’hotel du commerce B. de L- at 8 25 – comfortable enough double bedded room à rez de chaussée – very well for merely breakfasting in – breakfast at 9 – boiled milk and pears and peaches – no coffee and gateau de riz at A-‘s desire – Charles got the ‘manteau rouge publié’ cried by the drum-man – the crier goes about with a drum not a bell as in England – at 11 the botaniste guide – (Joachine Martre, Rue de la poste aux Lettres, à Bagnères de Luchon) and we went with him home to see his collection of Pyrenees plants – the very pretty little pink flower, we saw on the Piméné (vide Tuesday 24 July) and in several other places Coumelie [Coumély]? Begonz? Saongué? (but not the little pink flower of the Piméné the whole plant not more than an inch high) turns out to be Azalea procumbens a little low plant, 5 or 6 in, high with little woody stems – very pretty – my great inquiry was for a specimen of Vératre – he did not know the plant by this name but knew it by the name of Hellébore.

SH:7/ML/E/22/0011

but he had to seek a long before he found a specimen of this plant – his specimen about a foot long – could not judge how much longer the whole plant might have been – he said the colour of the flower was yellow – a person not understanding the difference of the petals (h meant to say the pistils etc. classical distinction as established by Linnaeus) might mistake it for the aconite – How said I the aconite flower is blue and the leaves quite different – yes! but he meant the A. Anthora – is the flower of the A. Anthora yellow? he said the hellébore was plentiful in the Près de St. Jean (near Paillole) –

le Vératre, la plus haute plante des montagnes. Chaussenque [Chausenque] i. 196

les Vératres, l’ellébore des anciens, croissent à hauteur d’homme somewhere sur un plateau herbeux near above la butte de Sers. i. 202.

l’aconit anthora, quoiqu’ vénéneux lui-même, passe pour le contrepoison de la renoucule thora, petite plante – n’a qu’une feuille et une fleur jaune – used by les peuples de nord pour empoisonner leurs flèches. i. 198

while Matre looked for the Vératre, he gave me a letter to read from our late M.P. Mr. James Stuart Wortley from which it appeared M- had been his guide in the valle de Lys, valle d’Arran [Aran?], etc. and desiring to send some pine cones of 2 or 3 different sorts named and the plants according to order, and giving M- an order for the sum due upon W-‘s banker at Bordeaux the parcel to be sent from Bordeaux to England – M- shewed me also a letter from an Angalise Mrs. Martin who had ordered of him a collection of Pyrenees plants – he furnishes specimens at 25/. per centaine – what I paid in Switzerland – but when I said I had paid 20/. per 100 at Chamouni [Chamonix] he said he would furnish me specimens at that price I had asked him the price of guides here, he said 3/. a day per man and 3/. a day per horse and nourriture, but when a man was not mounted and had long courses, he deserved something more – He shewed me also a little work which he praised much, written by a Mr. Bentham the son (he said) of an English general who was with the d. of Wellington in the peninsular war –

Catalogue des plantes ingidènes des Pyrénées et du Bas Languedoc. Par George Bentham à Paris chez Madame Huzard imprimer-libraire Rue de l’Epéron – St. André n°7 1826. and Toulouse chez Vieusseux. and Montpellier, chez Gabon and cie. and Sévalle libraire

Martres’ specimen of Vératre too long for me to bring away – took nothing but gave him a 5/. piece and my name ‘Madame Lister’ begging him to set down the receipt towards anything I might order hereafter – Jean came here to be paid 12/. for man and horse the 2 days, and gave him 10/. with which to pay the man at Lys who had found the manteau rouge (as he said) not far from the cottage where we had fed the horses – satisfied to have my poor cloak back again – it went with me to the top of Mt. Perdu in 1830, and has been my companion too long to be unvalued tho’ now worn into holes round the bottom – Pierre too (Dalgarotte) came here to wish me goodbye and recommended himself and his son for future employment – but Martre would be the man for me another time – A- not having been much amused had probably been proportionally impatient of delay – walked back to the Inn – and off from here – off from Bagnères de Luchon at 12 10 – had we had time Jean had greatly vaunted an excursion to Montné (should it be Mouné?) from the top of which a very fine view of all the mountains around and we should have returned upon Arreau by a new line all the way – I think he said it would only have taken us 7 hours this way to Arreau – we had doubted between this and the valle d’Oo and lake of Seculejo in one road as we passed by our former route – it was now too late for the lake – but we might have done the other – However, I thought not of it at the moment, and we jogged on the old way – at St. Aventin at 1 10 good church and village – Casauz [Cazaux -Fréchet-Anéran-Camors] at 1 ½ just skirt along the top of the village, and close by and under the church – at 1 50 pass thro’ Garrey and just out of the village good view of the glacier of Mt. d’Oo on our left – at the top of the Port (de Peyresourde) at 2 50 and I alighted then and A- afterwards at 3 25 – passed thro’ Loudervielle at 2 50 – A- rather tired and sat down on a wall to rest at 4, for 5 minutes when both mounted – crossed the bridge over the gave and in the highroad in ¼ hour at 4 20 and here we came up with the 2 Spaniards and Bagnères de Luchon guide on foot carrying a largeish deal box on his back, who had passed us ¼ hour before, and they turned left to pass the port de Plan to Vielle [Vielle-Aure] (3 heures) in the valle d’Aure (on account of the Doane [douane] being there) to go tomorrow to Balbastro - at 4 50 pass thro’ the pretty village of Avvaiyorn (as pronounced by Charles) – A- tired of riding and poorlyish – very picturesque wooded hedgy, corny, well-villaged, fine valle (valle de Louron) – A- very much tired – walked 10 minutes till 5 ½ and I from 5 20 to 5 ¾ thro’ the village of Bordères (vide Chaussenque [Chausenque] i.357) in a nice green bassin – at the hotel du commerce chez Clavière à Arreau at 6 35 – very fine day and evening – Arreau beautifully situated, neat, good, very pretty picturesque little town – delighted to be as it were, at home again with these good people – out in the court and about while A- lay down – dinner at 7 ¼ in ¾ hour – A- sick and poorly – la fille came to ask me in a whisper that the mistress takes all that is given for la fille, and gives her very little of it, and gives her 55fr. a year – begged me to give her herself ½ what I gave before and give the other ½ to the mistress without saying anything – shook and folded all my things and had a thorough wash, all which took me till 9 ¾ - A- better

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awhilesince · 4 years ago

Text

Monday, 8 February 1830

9 35/60

3 10/60

incurred a cross just before getting up but did it idly thinking of (Pi – Mariana) pretty straight to Miss H– (Hobart) on the subject of Mr Long – mention sending letter for Miss MacL– (MacLean)

“If she is at all fit to bear the journey, do pray get her off here as soon as you can – you know I have no faith in Mr Long – His system, if system it can be called, seems to me so utterly unreasonable, that I wonder more and more by what spell it is that he can so fascinate some of his patients – Limited as is my knowledge of medical subjects, it is still too considerable to allow of the possibility of my taking any part in Sibbella’s infatuation – I grieve over it very sincerely; and you will see with how much reason when the bubble bursts – But name not this to her – she already reproaches me for the manner in which I have spoken and written on the subject to Lady Stuart, tho’ she knows quite well how much I have abstained from saying for her sake alone – She is past conviction, past persuasion, and will probably cling, or apparently cling to his present opinions to the latest moment of her life – So long as her cough continues, she is not cured – I should not have written so much on the subject, had I not been struck by her then telling me, he is getting on …… he has a surprising number of patients, and yet not surprising, if his system is a true one” – If his system etc. – to me the thing seems not to admit an if – “wait, my dearest Vere – nous verrons – Do not let us irritate poor Sibbella by utterly useless opposition, but do not let her fancy that she gains any ground in adding us with the duke of Wellington Sir Gore Ouseley etc. etc. to the list of what she calls converts” – speaking of difficulty about getting Frankfort papers – there is a difficulty about its entrée into France – Treütel and Wurtz will not undertake the commission – nobody knows how soon I may be at Frankfort again, and do you believe I shall forget you! it is not my own conviction that my memory will ever be treacherous respecting anything that concerns meine liebe liebe Vere ever affectionately yours AL– Anne Lister”

Immediately after dressing this morning, breakfast – read over yesterday’s paper – off at 11 3/4 en passant George put into the Post Office my letter to Marian Shibden to the Hotel de Mont Blanc, 24 rue de la Paix – sat about 1/2 hour with Mr and Mrs and the younger Miss Pringle – nice Scotch people enough – sorry they are going in a few days – then a moment at the end of the Passage Choiseul – desired Normandie to come at 8 1/2 to dress my hair. Went to the bank (Laffitte’s) – exchanged 25/60 got cash for the 2nd of my 6 £50 circulars, and Mr Philips paid me on IN–‘s (Isabella Norcliffe’s) account for her stays and silver earrings and Mrs James Dalton’s black lace veil 287 francs – then direct to Amyot’s (the bookseller) to ask if volumes 9 and 10 Bourienne’s memoirs (as said Miss Hobart in her last) were defendus – no! – ordered Bichat’s anatomie generale – price 20/. to have it at 17/50. – got gloves at Privat’s, and home at 1 1/2 – changed my dress – and from about soon after 2 to 4 50/60 wrote a full 1/2 sheet to Miss Mac L– MacLean and a full 1/2 sheet to Miss H– (Hobart) from which last copied the above 17 or 18 first lines of today – the rest common chit chat – my letter to Miss MacL– (MacLean) a very kind delighted to hear such good accounts of her which made me almost impatient for her arrival – Had not yet got Miss MacKenzie’s address – not knowing the Duchess of Hamilton at all had asked Mrs Hamilton to get the address for me – thought from the little Mrs H– (Hamilton) had said of Miss MacK– (MacKenzie) that perhaps she might suit me better than Miss MacLean seemed to fancy – perhaps we were rather similarly situated, and might be more or less necessary to happening – I did not mean to complain anymore Miss MacL– (MacLean) has cured me of that, but I certainly should like to have someone with me to whom my occasional visiting would not be too much – mentioned having sent off a small parcel of laces for M– (Mariana) and gave Miss MacL– (MacLean) M–‘s (Mariana’s) direction at Leamington –

Just as I was finishing my letter to Miss Hobart came per petite poste from the embassy a letter 3 pages and one end from M– (Mariana) – dated 4th instant Warren’s hotel Regent street – she had been tempted to write by Miss MacL–‘s (MacLean’s) offer of sending her letter by the bag – they were to leave London the next day Friday 5th and be at Leamington the following day Saturday 6th – M– (Mariana) seems to have suffered first from one thing than another in the shape of bilious headache nervous ditto from seeing Miss Fanny Kemble in Belvidera, toothache etc. etc. London “beastly dirty” – should be glad to get out of it – the Ackers had joined them there – somehow I do not much like these people for M–‘s Mariana’s so often companion –

“what think you of your friend Lord Graves’s wife and the duke “of Gloucester” (Cumberland she should have written) – there have been some capital caricatures – but it is said they have been bought up at the expense of £800, one of them was the duke as a resurrection man, and the title “the violator of the Graves at Windsor” – not bad was it? Have you seen and read the Exclusives it is said to be written by Lady Chalotte Bury, and I am told a very good picture of fashionable life, if so it is but a melancholy one at best, and does not excite my envy in any way – I hear Lady Stuart speaks highly of you, and all your kind attentions, you are a 1st favourite; you certainly have the art of charming where you please, my Fred, and therefore have not much reason to find fault with your destiny for I look upon it that you may pretty nearly make it what you please, may you carve such a one as may secure the happiness of us both, my only fear is that you will become so wedded to the world, as to lose all relish for more rational and less exciting enjoyments – I sometimes feel that the world would soon spoil me, and am wise enough at moments to be thankful that my path has not lain in it” –

How little she knows my occupations and my mind! – How much she overates my powers! It seems Cameron has written to Watson – “she does not seem to anticipate ever being about to suit you” – M– (Mariana) regrets my having brought her – wants to know my opinion of her – nous verrons – Did not wait to notice to Miss H– (Hobart) the receipt of M–‘s (Mariana’s) letter but sent off George at 5 40/60 with my letter to “Miss Hobart Howarth Lady Stuart’s Whitehall” and in a rather smaller envelope within this my letter to “Miss Maclean” leaving Miss H– (Hobart) as usual to fill up the rest of the address –

Dinner at 5 50/60 – afterwards read partly aloud this afternoon’s newspaper (Galignani’s messenger) and came to my room at 7 1/2 – dressed – Normandie did not come till 8 55/60 instead of 8 1/2 – did not do my hair at all well – longish about it – above 1/2 hour – therefore not dressed till after 10 – Coffee – off at 10 1/4 – Lady V– (Vavasour) glad to see me – said I had been inquired for most anxiously – the 2 rooms full as usual – Styles, Halls, Murrays, a Mrs Balfour calling herself an old woman to whom I talked a little but was not introduced – Lady Ogelvie there whom I mistook for Mrs Harper at the Poores’ – not introduced – shall be cautious of asking to be introduced to anyone – vide last Thursday

Pleasant evening enough – home at 11 50/60 – read from page 18 to 55 volume 1 Bichat then sat up musing over my letter to Miss H– (Hobart) and from M– (Mariana) and planning tomorrow with Miss MacL– (MacLean) in bringing her from Dieppe on her way here – or if she comes by Boulogne, could I not take my own horses and meet her at Amiens? Mr Pringle told me this morning that Lord Minto’s self registering thermometer marked one degree during the night or early in the morning of the 17th ultimo – Letter this morning from Misses Rawson Halifax in answer to my last – Mr Scatcherd paid £28 to them on my account on the 9th ultimo – wonder how I overlooked this – Soft but fair day – Fahrenheit 43° at 11 1/2 and at 3 p.m. and at midnight 41°

(SH:7/ML/E/12/0161)

https://www.catalogue.wyjs.org.uk/CalmView/Record.aspx?src=CalmView.Catalog&id=CC00001%2f7%2f9%2f6%2f12%2f161&pos=1

#annelistercodebreaker #annelister #paris #1830 #mariana #misshobart #missmaclean #paris february 1830

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tellywoodtrash · 7 years ago

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ishqbaaz 13.07.17 lb

MOAR EXCITE FOR RIKARA THAN SHIVIKA TODAY!!!!! un dono ka toh roz hota rehta hai, showwww me my dabba babiessss in lauuuuuu today! 😍😍😍

aur khabardaar agar rudra/bhavya background mein bhi aas paaas ya saath dikhaayi de toh!!!!!!!!!! 😠😠😠

plain text version here.

snort. seems like every conspirator here is heavy on the cheese while planning these little shenanigans. 😗😗😗

STOP BEING MEANNNNN BILLU. 😠😠😠

also, stop calling this the fucking ‘storeroom’. 🙄🙄🙄

the way he instantly trailed off when he saw the hurt on her face though. 😥😥😥

odd choice of flashback clips. why’re they only showing the sexyyyyy bits? like... this isn’t a really ‘remember how hot we were for each other’ kinda moment. 🤔🤔🤔

oh. eent ka jawaab patthar. taane pe taana. why should she be the only one with hurt feelings here? 😪😪😪

sigh. these idiot children. 😔😔😔

“jab mujhe gussa aata hai toh mujhe khidkitod bhook lagti hai!!!”

lololol billu trying to avoid the lureeeeeeee of khaana, but it’s not working. 😆😆😆

abbe oh angrez ki aulaad, keep your fork and knife advice to yourself before you find one of them impaled into your left eyeball. 😒😒😒

lmao “kadhaai ko sar pe rakh ke khaaon” hahaha 😂😂😂

lol she just called ragini “NAAGINI” 🐍🐍🐍

yaaaaaaaaaaas queen, call him and his BS out! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

ooooop. ab aayi na asli baat baahar. 🙊🙊🙊

billu is struck silent. he didn’t realise that these silly little things he used to chastise her about made her feel insecure and unworthy of being married to him. 😞😞😞😭😭😭

oh man, his quiet little voice. my heart. my fucking hearttttt. 💔💔💔

omru ko what??!!?! i didn’t catch what he said despite multiple times rewinding... 🤔🤔🤔

if you caught what he said, please leave it in the comments! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

anika’s doing a better job of not showing her emotions on her face, but her shaky voice is giving her away. meanwhile, this fucker...

...is 3 nanoseconds away from bursting into tears. 😥😥😥

aaaaaaaaaaand he’s crying. and masking it with coughing. 😪😪😪

and i’m cryingggggg. to give him some company. 😭😭😭

both these assholes; where the fuck do they get off being mad at each other for believing the other one at face value of what they decided to show each other, and went to great lengths to prove??? first him with the ragini engagement thing, and now her, with the gold digger stunt. 😒😒😒

such an unhealthy fucking realtionship. you fuckers need therapy. 😤😤😤

errrrrrrrr.... ok? what was that sound? 🤔🤔🤔

what??? that was gauri ki cheenkein? HEARD TILL HERE????? matlab, what earth shattering, dad-like cheenkein is she getting? 😟😟😟

you know what i mean? like dads are just not capable of sneezing like a normal person. it’s always like a fucking bomb going off. 😖😖😖

lmaooooo, anika’s learning that being a homeowner isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. 😂😂😂

lo, lag gaya 15,000 ka chuna, billu ke ek hi laath mein. 🙈🙈🙈🙈

lol what is he madder about? the challenge, or that she’s bad at math? fuck you billu, not all of us can be good at math. 😒😒😒

wow, bulbul does really have the most violent, dad-like sneezes. 😕😕😕

pft, bhaujaaai toh bulbul ki jaan hi lene mein tuli hui hai. 😈😈😈

snort, soooo subtle with the hints, anika. 😆😆😆

snort, the faces of a newlywed couple being offered a hotel room:

OMFG THE WINK. HAAAAAAAAAYE. 😍😍😍

lol rudra’s tharkiiiiiii smile. 😂😂😂

IS THIS GIRL MAD? matlab, hadh hoti hai chindi hone ki. JUST ACCEPT BADE BHAIYYA’S OFFER OF THE HOTEL ROOM, IDIOT CHILD. 😫😫😫

aur kuch nahi toh it has a fucking minibar. paid for by shivaay singh oberoi. he can afford the 350% markup on that minican of pringles. 🙃🙃🙃

i am om’s wtf’s headshake. 😐😐😐

SHE SAID BAGICHA. THIS ISN’T EVEN THE BAGICHA, ITS THE DAMN PARKING LOT. 😖😖😖

stopppppppp being an asshole, om. go give her the damn blanket. 😑😑😑

haaaaaaye, the way he’s looking at her. 😧😧😧

thanks to @vishwaspur‘s fetish re: kunal’s hands, it’s all i can look at. and mmmmhmmm, i agree girl. those are some verrrrrrry nice hands put them on me 😏😏😏

“please, please, let’s not fight.”

yes. make out inside the tent instead. 😚😚😚

lollllllll khopchaaaa. i haven’t heard anyone (other than myself) use that word in a really long time. 😊😊😊

omfg i can’t deal with his intense sexy staring, yougaiz. it’s doing things to me. 😧😧😧🤒🤒🤒🤤🤤🤤

ok, no need to get all bossy. jesusssssss. 😒😒😒

ok this is the most ridiculous BS ever. are you telling me he’s gonna stand here all fucking night holding on to the tent? like... so unneccessary and extra. 🙄🙄🙄

huh. i guess that’s what these fuckers mean by ISHQBAAZI. 😑😑😑

SHE LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😌😌😌

and is having a bit of a carrie white moment??? 😯😯😯

ok wow. things have gotten prettttttttty bad here. even mild mannered prinku is angry enough to throw things. 😬😬😬

.... same, ranveer. same. 😐😐😐

yo man mansi and amrapali look almost the same??? please tell me you notice it toooooo!!!!!!!!!

wow, so ranveer loves her for real now? huh. 😕😕😕

remember when yesterday, i was like “i care about prinkveer more than ruvya”??? yeah, i was wrong. i apparently have the same lack of fucks to give for both. 🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽

ANIKA PLEASE. STOP REPURPOSING THE TABLECLOTHS YOU FIND AROUND THE HOUSE INTO TOPS. I BEG OF YOU. WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THAT ONE SLEEVE??????? 😟😟😟

ew, he’s back in this ugly shirt/suit combo. fuck my eyes, i guess. 🙄🙄🙄

kyun, smile karne se pehle gazette mein chapwaana hota hai kya? 😒😒😒

lmao what nonsense. that side of the room looks out into the library/pool area. why wouldn’t you idiots pick the OTHER side of the room with all the windows to set this scene up at??? 😣😣😣

oh ho ho, billu wants to know wifely feelings. 😏😏😏

siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. i’m smile-cryinggggggggg. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

rudra is us. we are rudra. 😘😘😘

lmao his eyebrow jiggles tho. 😂😂😂

lmaooooooooo ragini’s just randomly lying on the stairs and taking selfies. 😂😂😂

tbh, if i was rich and had a house that big, i’d be doing shit like that too. so no judgement. you do you, ragini. 😌😌😌

damn, what is with all the women in these shows being willing to throw themselves down the stairs for these shitty men? ladies, srsly. check yourselves before you literally wreck yourselves. 😖😖😖

lmaoooooo bitchy glare standoff. 🙃🙃🙃

THIS I SLEPT UNCOMFORTABLY ALL NIGHT COZ I LOVE YOU TROPE. I FUCKING LOVE THIS TROPE OKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

no but, how is he not even leaning sideways even a little? aise ramrod straight kaun sota hai? 🤔🤔🤔

haaaaaaaye my bulbul. such pretty. HOW IS SHE SO GORGEOUS???? 😍😍😍

time for kaho na pyaar haiiiiiiiiii trope. 😊😊😊

pft. such translucent dupatta, usse kya hona hai??? 🙄🙄🙄

I REALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT RANVEER. WHERE THE FUCKKKKKK IS MAHI??????? 😩😩😩

“yakeeen nahi aa raha hai ki PRAAAANKA...”

humein bhi yakeen nahi aa raha... ki you can’t say a simpleass name like PRIYANKA the way it’s supposed to be said. 😐😐😐

waaaah, stigmatization of mental illness also. bas yahi baaki tha is show mein. 😒😒😒

“haan woh thodi mentally upset hai kyunki...”

hmmm let’s see... 🤔🤔🤔

1. i was harassing her whole fam continuously for over 8 - 9 months now

2. she was sexually assaulted

3. i drugged her into believing that she was pregnant

4. i was physically and mentally abusive during that time

5. i emotionally blackmailed her into forgiving and marrying me

... need i go on? 😒😒😒

LMAO KAMINI’S FRUSTRATION AT HAVING TO DEAL WITH PRINKVEER’S EXISTENCE = ME.

ok whatever, don’t care anymore. fwding. ⏩⏩⏩

lololol ok omki. whatever you say. apne upar se yeh jhaad patttiiyaaan toh utaar de. 😆😆😆

omfg his cute “fuck i messed up” face. GODDAMNIT, WHY IS HE SO CUTE???????? 😍😍😍😭😭😭

hahaha awwwwwwwwwww, he just got caught. twice. 😊😊😊

this chiraiyya is very sayaaani. you can’t fool her so easy, omki. 😉😉😉

KISS HIM. KISSSSSSSSSSS HIM, BULBULLLLLLLLLLL. COME ONNNNNNNNN. 😚😚😚😚😚

.... or authoritatively slip your hands into his vest to pick out leaves. that works too. just sexxxxxx himmmmmm uppppppppp. 😏😏😏

OMFG KISSSSSSSSSSSSS GODDAMNIT. HOW ARE YOU TWO ATTRACTIVE MOTHERFUCKERS RESISTING EACH OTHER????? 😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😧 JESUS!!!!!!!!!!! IMMA DIE FROM THE SEXUAL TENSION HERE.

“bas. thankoo.” 😍😍😍

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU STARE AT HER LEAVE WITH LOVE SICK EYES AND A SMILE. WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖🎉🎉🎉🎉✨✨✨✨

“moch, soch, aur loch, main sabbbb jaanti hoon.” lmaoooooooo 😂😂😂

arrrre waaah. emotional blackmail re: the dinner last night. 😗😗😗

oh boy, anika’s back with another glass. 😬😬😬

hahah “alooo shalooo khaaya karo” 😂😂😂

WAIT, WHAT’S ALOOOO KA HALWA?!?!?! THOSE ARE MY TWO FAVT THINGS. *pauses episode to google if such a thing exists* 😧😧😧

OMFG IT DOES. I KNOW WHAT I’M MAKING OVER THE WEEKEND. 😱😱😱

lmao shivaay’s face at anika’s nuskhe are the best. even yesterday, he just looked at her like “the fuckkkk”, but let her blabber on anyway. 😂😂😂

billu shall not hear a word against their family’s exalted kaadha, the miracle cure to everything, from a fever, to a gunshot wound. 😇😇😇

hee hee hee metaaaaaaaa reference to chantumaai vamp and hero ki hamdardi. anika’s been watching apne hi ghar ka cctv footage for kicks, methinks. 😂😂😂

lmao, she’s helllllbent on making her drink that water. 😆😆😆

shivaay’s “what am i going to do with this girllllll” face lololol 😙😙😙

how the fuck does ranveer keep affording all these expensive ass gifts on his public servant salary? 🤔🤔🤔

OMFG PRINKU’S WEARING MALLIKA’S BANGLES. DON’T EVEN FUCKING START WITH ME, I MIGHT CUT A BITCH, THAT’S HOW RAGEY I AM RIGHT NOW 😡😡😡😡😡😤😤😤😤😤

blah blah blah blah don’t care, fwding this nonsense. ⏩⏩⏩

but can’t help but notice that subha seems to have lost even more weight? she looks veryyyyy thin now. like in a not-healthy way. 😬😬😬

ugh from one boring couple, to another. uggggggggggggh. GIVE ME MORE RIKARA SEXINESSSSS YOU ASSHOLESSSSSSSSSS 😡😡😡😡😡😡

THIS FUCKING HOUSE HAS 30 BEDROOMS AND 45 BATHROOMS, WHY IS THIS FUCKING FIGHT EVEN HAPPENING!?!?!?!? 😠😠😠

whatttttt is this lameasssssss bs? THIS BANTER SUCKS ASS. DO I HAAAAVE TO CARE ABOUT THESE TWO FUCKERS, REALLY????? 😒😒😒

“aaaap itna TAM TAMAAA kyun rahe ho?” lmaooooooooo 😂😂😂😂

lol wow, billu is attached to”chantumaai” tag also. doesn’t like sharing it. 😋😋😋

pffffft, why should she tell you if you don’t have the akal to figure it out yourself? idiot. 🙄🙄🙄

“aap chup nahi reh sakte kya???”

a question i’ve been asking for 300+ episodes now. 😐😐😐

i could think of an even better way you could have shut him up, but chalo, abhi ke liye yeh bhi theek hai. 😗😗😗

oh my heart. she can’t help but caress his cheek. and he can’t help but instantly melt. OH MY FUCKING HEART. LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

OMFG FUCKING FUCK YOU BHAVYA. WHY MUST YOU FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING?!?!!?!? THEY WERE THIS CLOSE TO MAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😩😩😩😩

FUCK THEM AND THE PLAN. KISS EACH OTHERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! 😫😫😫😫

ouff, again prinkveer garbage. fwding. better than this, just show me what sahil is up to at boarding school. did he even come back from that trip of his? he must be somewhere past the chinese border at this rate. 😕😕😕

^ me, stalking ppl from high school on facebook.

these three fucking idiots are on the world’s most futile mission again. LORD. 😒😒😒

shivaay’s faith in anika’s khurafaati dimaagh tho. #needmeafreaklikethat 😊😊😊

kamala is some michmichi waala praaani that these burger bachche have never encountered in their life, isn’t it? 😗😗😗

rudra toh matlab, full on lux waala bathing beauty hai. 🛀🏽🛀🏽🛀🏽

lmaoooooooooo awwwwwww, shivKara can’t bear to hear baby bro scream like that and NOT GO HELP. 💖💖💖

UGH MORE RUVYA?!?!?! GROSS. DO NOT WANT. GIVE ME SHIVAAY AND ANIKA IN THE POOL. OM AND GAURI UNDER THE SHOWER. RAGINI’S FAALTU KE CHEHRE BEHIND PINKY’S BACK. SVETLANA’S SCHEMING. ANYTHING BUT THIS, UGHHHHHHHHHH. 😩😩😩😩😩😩

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs #130717 ib lb

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