#good show the lore is so deep and expansive we love to see it

[qismet]

no writing tonight 💔

[fayes-fics]

The Secrets We Keep: Pt I

Part II >>

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader

Summary: Knowing someone your whole life doesn’t mean they can’t surprise you…

Warnings: none yet… fluff and angst. Childhood friends, yearning, arranged marriage, kissing. Pt II will contain a warning/rating change.

Word Count: 5.1k (this part)

Authors Note: Part 1 of 2. My longest gestating WIP! It’s been more than 18 months since I received a request for this secret diary fic. Tulip Anon, I have no idea if you still follow me, but I hope you think I did your detailed request justice. I won't post your ask yet, as it contains spoilers for the second half. Betaed by the awesome @colettebronte, who I can’t thank enough. I’m in the process of writing Pt II, so there will be a gap between instalments. Enjoy! 🫶

-i-

For as long as you can remember, you have loved one man secretly. To the point that you cannot imagine your life without a deep, burning affection simmering in your very core, as fundamental to your existence as drawing air into your lungs.

Benedict Bridgerton.

Your families have been neighbours in Mayfair and Kent for many generations—two aristocratic dynasties that, despite enduring friendships, have never seen intermarriage. There have been attempted matches down the years, according to family lore, but nothing came to fruition. 

So when you were brought to Aubrey Hall as a mere babe in arms, the eldest daughter, there were many good-natured jokes that Anthony’s future wife had been born. But the Viscount, wonderful as he is, was not the man who stole your heart just a few short years later. A bright sunny day in June that you suspect Benedict may not even be able to recall, but you can with perfect clarity, even now, some fifteen years later. 

He picked you as the first person to join his team for a round of garden games. Paying you heed and ensuring you were included, patiently showing you the ropes and applauding your achievements, ignoring the ridicule from the other twelve-year-old boys for letting a girl - and a little five-year-old at that - join in their games. 

Ever since that day, all you have ever seen is his enormous heart and steadfast empathy: always the one to reach out to those excluded, to be supportive, and to love harder and more expansively than his siblings. Thus, unsurprisingly, he became the focus of your singular devotion—a childish adoration transmuting into something more profound and complicated as you matured.

On your fourteenth birthday, your mother gifted you a thick notebook. And it became your refuge, the private canvas on which you outlet your innermost secrets and thoughts. The beautiful but now slightly battered, silk-covered tome is still your most treasured possession even now, more than six years later, so close to filled now, with only a couple of blank pages left. Never long from your hands, but when it must be, carefully stashed under the floorboards of your bedroom. Its pages the reflection of a naive, growing heart. There is one person who features frequently on its crammed, jumbled pages. Sketches of his handsome face, mostly from memory, interspersed with ardent notes and poems that, while they may not mention his name, are written for him. Adoration writ large in every pen and pencil stroke.

Little were you to know that the secrets you keep within its hallowed pages would one day alter the course of your life…

-ii-

It's the evening of the Bridgerton Ball, and usually, you would be brimming with anticipation for such an occasion, a chance to see the man who holds your most ardent admiration. Instead, you find yourself glum, mechanically stepping into the dress your ladies' maid Rachel assists you with, staring blankly into the vanity mirror as she adorns your hair with jewels. Still reeling from your father's shocking announcement the previous day.

The inheritance of a European title had seen him spend eighteen months abroad. In his absence last spring, you were able to persuade your more indulgent mother to delay your societal debut—a yearning to be free in the ways you know no woman really can be for long. A compounding factor was spending the summer in the Highlands with her sister, your Aunt Eliza, a spirited, independent woman who taught you many things and encouraged your artistic whims. And when you were back in London, your mother’s somewhat inattentive running of the house meant you were often able to slip away in the evenings, spending your time deepening your passion for art. Frequenting galleries and conversing with artists led to you being drawn into the bohemian, artsy underbelly of Bloomsbury, a beguiling, exotic contrast to Mayfair. Another secret you keep.

Upon his return to England, your father was not best pleased to learn that not only had you been allowed to skip the previous Season, but Eliza had also taught you to fish, fence and hunt—most unladylike pursuits in his opinion. He, therefore, made it his mission to ensure not only would you debut this year but also a swift match should be made, lest you “get other fanciful, dangerous ideas”.

Perhaps that is why, yesterday, nary two weeks into your first season, he abruptly announced over afternoon tea that he had secured a match for you and the man in question would be dining with you all that evening. A deal no doubt brokered in a private gentleman’s club as if you were merely chattel to be traded.

Revulsion filled your every fibre as you were introduced to Lord Farringdon a few hours later. A wiry man twenty years your senior with a hawk-like countenance and a disdainful disposition. Apparently, a brilliant intellectual mind but accompanied by a mercurial, malevolent reputation. You had read in Whistledown rumours about his mistreatment of his household staff and his previous wife. A forlorn figure who became a recluse long before she died of consumption tragically young. The idea of being betrothed to this cold, abusive man turned your stomach—a seemingly outsized punishment for your rebellion. Once the man left, you had begged and pleaded with your father to reconsider the arrangement, but sadly, your appeal fell on deaf ears. 

And so here you are. Going to a ball at which your father plans to announce your engagement. The stately beauty of Bridgerton House is not as heartening of a sight as it typically is. Tonight, it feels more akin to a gallows.

As soon as you arrive, you are scanning the crowds for the only friend you know will understand just how ghastly your predicament is—Eloise Bridgerton. A kindred spirit whose interest in marriage is as scant as your own. Bonding over your similar yearnings for freedom, you have been good friends since you were little, many a day spent together as children running through the Kentish fields, escaping expectation and flouting convention.

Acutely aware of time running out until your father speaks up, you fiddle distractedly with your fan, impatiently awaiting her entrance.

“For heaven's sake, y/n, please cease your fidgeting!” your mother chastises under her breath, snatching away the item. “I do not see why you are so agitated. Tonight is to be a wonderful occasion for you!”

A myriad of caustic comments are on the tip of your tongue, but you swallow them down. The last thing you want is to draw attention, and you certainly don't want to be gossip fodder; these ballrooms are a veritable hotbed of eavesdropping if Whistledown is anything to go by. 

When the collective Bridgerton family finally enter their ballroom as hosts, however, your eyes can't help but drift to Benedict instead. A reflex from years of longing, even though it is his sister,  arm looped into his, whose counsel you seek tonight. You excuse yourself to fetch a lemonade as soon as you spy a window of opportunity—Eloise standing alone, looking excessively bored. Abandoning your glass, you hurry over to her.

“I have news…”  You try to keep your voice neutral but grab her arm and practically drag her away from anyone within earshot.

“Well, it cannot be good if you are willing to rip my arm off to impart it,” she remarks dryly as you lead her down a hallway.

“It is not,” you pull a face that you know will convey to her the gravity of what you need to divulge.

With a nod of understanding and a look to a nearby footman, she leads you beyond him into an area of the house off-limits for guests. 

“Tell me…” her tone is sincere as she ushers you into the library and closes the door.

“My father has seen fit to arrange a marriage for me. He is planning to announce it tonight, right here at your family ball!”

She says nothing, only a sympathetic noise as she pulls you into a consoling hug. The emotions you have been tamping down for hours escape as a couple of bitter tears, her arms banding tight around you. You are not sure how long, but you stand in a hug, just grateful for her steadfast support.

“What am I to do?” you whisper.

“I do not know,” she confesses. “Have you tried to reason with your father?”

“A hopeless cause…”  

Her mouth twists in understanding, knowing you will have put up a spirited defence as much as she would have. She detangles from you and goes to a nearby brandy decanter.

“It's the very least you deserve, frankly,” she points out, handing you a glass and pulling you into a loveseat with her, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, clinking her glass against yours in a silent but bittersweet toast about your seemingly futile situation.

-iii-

Half an hour later, your parents are distracted across the far side of the room with friends when a large hand grabs yours out of the blue. You startle when you realise it is Benedict, your heart suddenly in your mouth. Before you know it, you are wordlessly being pulled out of the French doors behind you and into the night air.

“Where are we going!?” you demand when you recover from the initial surprise, his gloved hand tugging yours along through the darkened gardens. 

“Shh, make haste, we must not be seen,” he hushes you but keeps moving, furtive and fast, your feet having to take extra steps to keep up with his long stride over the lush, dewy grass.

“Benedict…” you try again once you round a thick hedge into the rose garden.  “What is going on?”

He slows a little but does not relinquish his tight hold. Gravel path now crunching under his boots as the honeyed scent of damask hangs heavy in the air. 

“Eloise told me,” is all he offers. “So we are escaping.”

“W-we are?” you stutter, frowning, a claggy tumult behind your ribs at his use of ‘we’. 

“Yes! Or at least we would be if you would keep quiet… please…” he amends, sounding a touch contrite about his initial brusqueness, but speeding up again, headed straight for a small wooden door in a high stone wall, almost hidden behind long, draping ropes of ivy, glowing silver in the moonlight.

When you reach it, he releases his grip on your hand and shoulders the door open with considerable force. The weathered wood creaks loudly, almost splintering under the duress. He signals to the inky blackness of the deserted mews behind Bridgerton House.

“It is now or never, y/n,” he warns as you look back at the house, lit up with the life of the ball inside. “So what is your choice?”

He may be presenting it as an option, but really, you know there would only ever be one answer. You would accompany him to the ends of the earth if he so much as asked. And so wordlessly, you step through the doorway and into the narrow street beyond.

“Good choice,” he compliments as he follows suit and closes the door behind him. “You may stay at my friend Granville’s tonight,” he offers sagely, “I have not seen him in a while, but I will explain when we arrive; I am certain he can provide shelter.”

“Benedict, I already know Henry… Quite well, in fact.”

He looks taken aback as if it had not occurred to him that you may move in the same clandestine circles as he does. To be fair, you have always been discreet in your outings, and it’s not something you have divulged to anyone, including Eloise. Still, what confounds you more is why he is suddenly so seemingly invested in seeing you escape from your predicament. It doesn't entirely make sense.

“Well, then,” he cuts into your brief reverie, “you know Henry is a generous host and discreet about the affairs of others. Your father will not come looking for you there. It will buy some time to figure out what to do next. To ensure your freedom.”

“Freedom?” You scoff. “Benedict, as much as I may wish it, there is no other path open to me. Tonight is merely a delay tactic at best. The only way to stop my father’s pursuit of this union is if I marry another….”

The admittance of this truth out loud makes you restless, belatedly realising that it truly is your only way out. You stalk towards the main road, the faint glow of the street lamp guiding your way over the cobbles. You soon hear Benedict’s footsteps behind.

“That is ridiculous!” he exclaims as he attempts to catch up with you. “There are other options available to you…”

“Such as?” you whip around, raising your hands, countering his assertion. When he falters, you return to walking, throwing a tart addition over your shoulder: “Unlike you, a man, I do not have the freedom of choice.” 

“You should always have a choice…” he counters earnestly, still catching up to your furious pace.

“Should and do are different things, Benedict. You do not even know how lucky you are!” You add bitterly, rounding onto the main street.

A gust of wind causes you to pause and a shiver to run down your arms, your gauzy dress not enough to ward off the unseasonable chill in the air tonight. Ever the observant gentleman, Benedict shucks his jacket and wraps it around your shoulders. Uncharitably, your ire makes you attempt to shake it off, even while knowing it is intended purely as a chivalrous gesture. You are surprised when he seems to grasp your shoulders tighter, holding the heavy velvet in place. It is cloaked in his woodsy, citrus scent, your vexed state turning into an entirely different type of flush as he crowds closer to you.

“My birth has allowed me certain privileges, I concede,” he replies, his stare seemingly far away as you are unable to look anywhere but the dampness of his bottom lip, shimmering slightly in the lamplight. Then he tilts his head down to meet your eyes. “But that does not mean I am able to have everything I wish for in life, y/n…”

Your tongue burns to ask what it is that he wants but cannot have, yet you do not allow yourself to pry. But seeing the wistfulness in his gaze deflates your irritation, your long-held adoration for this man taking over, making you sigh.

‘You deserve the world, Benedict….’

His face morphs into one of breathtaking intensity, and you realise, horrified, you spoke those thoughts aloud. 

“As do you, y/n,” he murmurs, eyes sincere, your heart beating wildly as his chest vibrates against your own. 

The upheaval of the last day, the man you secretly adore abetting a somewhat daring escape, your heated exchange of words, the lateness of the hour, and the feel of his tall, lithe body pressed against yours…. It's all a dangerous cocktail that culminates in you being utterly impetuous, pushing up onto your tiptoes and mashing your mouth against his with no thought.

His lips are plush and warm, and suddenly, he is kissing you back. It's like a cannon firing in your chest as his warm mouth opens yours. Suddenly, you are urgently taking from each other. A sweeping tidal wave through you obliterates any kissing experiences you have ever had before. It’s a desperate slide of tongues, a passionate continuation of your sparring. His hands are like a hot brand through your thin dress as they sweep around to your back, tugging you into him, his heat, scent and taste overwhelming.

But all too soon you are pulling apart, a need for air in your lungs overriding the spontaneous, reckless moment. For a few seconds, you stare at each other, breathing each other's panted air, hands still grasping onto each other, almost confused by what just occurred… until the whinny of a passing horse carriage has you springing apart as if burned. 

Realisation engulfs his entire being. “Oh god! Please, please forgive me!” he stutters, backing away, holding his hands out in a conciliatory gesture, almost tripping in his haste to put space between you, even though it was you who kissed him. “Please, just go to Granville,” he counsels rapidly before turning heel and disappearing into the night, leaving you standing alone, unmoored and breathless, utterly turned upside down.

-iv-

You drift home in a daze, your family’s London residence only a few hundred yards away. Your escape plans are forgotten in the haze of tumbling thoughts about that blistering kiss. How fervently and immediately Benedict had kissed you back, how wonderful it felt to be caged in his arms….  Climbing into bed and passing out, still bewildered. In fact, it’s only the rude awakening of your bedroom door slamming open the following morning that brings you crashing back to your senses.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” Your father roars, holding aloft what looks like the latest copy of Whistledown. “You have brought shame upon our family and likely ruination to your prospects!!”

Utterly alarmed, you sit bolt upright, blinking, taking a few moments before you can find your voice. “What are you referring to, father?”.

He glares at you, then throws the paper onto your bed and stalks out of the room without another word, puce with outrage. You know there will be crossed words at the breakfast table. The sight of your name on the crisp ivory page immediately draws your eye, and your stomach plunges as you read the paragraph:

The annual Bridgerton Ball last night was, once again, resplendent. A triumph that the dowager Countess can be rightfully proud of. Although less contentment could likely be gleaned from the behaviour of her offspring. The second eldest of whom was allegedly seen escaping into the unlit gardens hand in hand with none other than the most reluctant of this season's debutantes, the spirited Miss Y/n Y/l/n. Perhaps the rebellious Miss will not have to endure many more of society’s events that she so patently abhors, should a proposal from the most wayward of Bridgerton sons be forthcoming? I, for one, however, Dear Reader, am not holding my breath…

Hiding in your room as long as you can, hunger drives you to join the frosty lunch table, apologising for inadvertently ruining your father’s plans to announce your betrothal and meekly explaining the incident with Benedict as a complete misunderstanding. It was merely an old friend helping you to gather some air before the big news was to be proclaimed. His taking your hand was out of benevolent concern, nothing more, and when you suddenly felt unwell, he chivalrously saw you the few hundred yards home. The lies feel odd on your tongue, your thoughts only of Benedict’s mouth and body moulded hotly to yours as your father lectures about appropriate behaviour for a young lady and your family’s long-standing friendship with the Bridgertons not being an excuse for a lackadaisical attitude to impropriety.

“There is nothing else to be done now—I must secure you a special licence to be wed tomorrow before Lord Farringdon hears about this,” he decrees with finality, his tone brokering no argument.

You slump silently into your chair, dread creeping through every cell, silently chastising yourself for not following Benedict’s advice and running away. If only you hadn't been impetuous and kissed him, you might have been in your right mind to do so. It feels cruel that the one moment you chose to throw caution to the wind is the one moment that sealed a worse fate.

-v-

That afternoon, your mother ushers you to the Modiste, paying handsomely for a very rushed wedding dress. Something simple that can be finished at such a late hour. It will only be your family in attendance anyway; so much else seems unnecessary. As you stand forlornly upon the raised dias, ivory silk tacked up around you with pins; your mother announces she needs to depart to secure other last-minute arrangements, leaving your trusty ladies' maid to accompany you home once alterations are complete.

“You do not look a happy bride…” Madam Delacroix mutters after the tinkle of the bell above the door signals her departure.

“Your observation skills are certainly not lacking,” you respond quietly, craning to double-check that Rachel, your maid, is out of earshot, sitting listlessly in the front of the store, staring out of the window.

“I do read Whistledown, my dear,” she remarks delicately, “and this does not appear to be a dress someone marrying a Bridgerton would wear.”

Your stomach vaults at the implication; the thought of marrying Benedict has your heart going haywire, even as you know it would never happen. The crestfallen look as your mind flits to the awful man you will be marrying instead is one you cannot hide as she meets your eyes in the reflection.

“It is not indeed,” you sigh, “but Whistledown has rather accelerated my unfortunate fate. Hence the rushed dress…” you gesture to your outfit.

“Mr Bridgerton is a friend?” she digs delicately.

“Lifelong,” you admit, “but Lady Whistledown could not have been more erroneous in her assertions…”

“That you and Mr Bridgerton are together? Or that he would marry you?” 

You look away from the mirror and down to where she is crouched by your hem on your left side, taken back not only at her astuteness but her drive for information. Almost as if she were Whistledown herself.

“I do not mean to pry,” she modifies, “merely to understand your predicament. Maybe I can be of assistance? I have privately counselled many a young lady on the eve of their wedding. Be it a happy occasion or not. And have kept many a secret of the Ton. ‘Tis the reason my business is so successful, Miss y/l/n. A good modiste can be a trusted confidante.”

“W-we are not together,” you stumble out without meaning to.

“But you wish to be? Or perhaps something has happened between you?”

Your eyes dart furtively, and your cheeks heat at the memory, but you say nothing. 

“You need say no more,” she chuckles and offers a knowing smile that appears as much reminiscent as sympathetic.

You rapidly attempt to deflect. “I do not wish to be married to anyone, really. I do find it so unfair a man is free to pursue his passions in life, but merely due to my sex, I am not.”

There is a nod of understanding, and she stands up with her hands on her hips. “I keep a certain array of refreshments for special clients such as yourself.” She nods to what looks like a liquor cabinet partially obscured behind a curtain at the back of her shop. “If you can dismiss your maid, I can assist you on your last night as an unmarried lady.”

The suggestion is too intriguing to refuse. And Rachel will greatly appreciate your pin money.

A few hours later, you are sat upon a circular conversation chair, Gen, as she insists you call her, pouring you another snifter of brandy.

“Tell me, what is your passion?” she inquires, her polished French accent slipping a little, sounding far more East End than Parisian. Something about that makes you like her more.

“Art,” you answer wistfully, “not that I have many opportunities to practice beyond a private notebook. But it is my most prized possession.” You gesture to your pelisse, hanging on a nearby hook. “I have it with me always. I have sewn a secret pocket into all of my coats myself.”

“Ingenious! ” She declares. “You shall have my job one day!”

You laugh, feeling light for the first time in what feels like days, as Gen leans in, raising an eyebrow. “I can also see well why you may have bonded with Mr Bridgerton…”

You giggle and lower your eyes, taking a fortifying sip.

“But it is not just that, is it?” Her tone is thoughtful, delicate even, as she continues: “A life outside the boundaries of so-called polite society can be so very beguiling, can it not? I have seen you, Miss y/l/n, at parties in Bloomsbury…”

A panicked bile rises as your head snaps up.

“As I said before, I am always discreet,” she reassures, “your secret is more than safe with me,” she winks before taking a generous sip from her glass.

Possibly, it's the alcohol, but her understanding of your predicament and the fact she has, unbeknownst to you, moved in similar circles brings an odd sense of relief. Having a confidante, someone to finally share your secrets with, albeit a somewhat stranger, lifts a burden from your shoulders. Wonderful as Eloise is, being the sister of the man who secretly holds your heart is not without complications in many ways.

“Another?” she chimes animatedly, holding aloft the bottle.

You cannot resist that offer.

-vi-

It’s close to midnight when Gen loops her arm in yours as she guides you, quite inebriated herself, away from the hackney cab to the familiar abode of one Henry Granville. Her declaration that a party is what you need on your last night of freedom is definitely not one you would dispute. A myriad of heightened emotions roil inside as you await the door being answered: contentment at your newly cemented friendship with Gen, bewildered every time you think of your kiss with Benedict and abhorrence for tomorrow. 

As you wander into the debauched tableau of a party in full swing: the air thick with smoke and merriment, the sounds of pleasure, people consorting together, a hedonistic swirl of self-expression unfurling all around you—it all consolidates into a yen to be reckless. Take part this time rather than just observe as you have before. Alcohol mutating the simmering rage about the injustice of your circumstance into a yearning to experience pleasure, especially physical. To get lost in sensation on your one last night of liberty.

So when you encounter Sir Simms - Matthew - friend to your older brother, renowned rake, but quite handsome, you throw caution to the wind. He seems delighted to see you, instantly flirtatious and familiar in a way you would rebuff any other night but this one. Whispering in your ear how very bold you are to be at such a bohemian event and pondering what other adventurous experiences you might be willing to indulge in. At one point Gen pulls you aside, her breath sweetened with fermented fruits, as she leans in and counsels you to be cautious. But you rebuff her concerns, swatting away her hold and returning to Matthew, allowing him to pull you into a kiss. 

It’s not the same as with Benedict; your mind screams at the altogether more jarring experience. A wet invasion of tongue that is less pleasant and certainly doesn’t fire anything inside you the way that he had. Merely kindling a defiant resolve to rage against the dying light of your freedom. And so when he slurs into your ear, you consent to his invitation upstairs, knowing fully the implications of what will transpire—feeling vaguely detached from yourself as he pulls you along by the hand towards the staircase. 

Suddenly, your field of vision is filled with dark blue velvet, a strong arm wrapping around you, caging you into a warm body mass, disconnecting your hand from Matthew’s—crossed words in two male voices. A momentarily confusing blur that only begins to make sense when you tilt your chin up… and the breath is quite stolen from your lungs.

Benedict.

At first, it feels like a cruel mirage, the man you most desire here to stymie your last gamble at impulsivity. His hold is strong as you sense Matthew shrink away, defeated by Benedict’s threat to expose some dalliance or other. But as he whisks you to an empty room within the house, all you feel bubbling up is anger.

“Stop trying to rescue me!” you rail, reeling out of his grip and stamping your foot to emphasise your point, uncaring that you may be behaving more akin to a petulant toddler.

“Stop making foolish decisions!” he lobbies back after a fleeting wounded look.

You glare at him momentarily before turning your back and staring out of the window into the inky blackness of Granville’s garden, frustration prickling a tear in the corner of your eye.

Behind you, there is a sigh; then his voice turns softer. “Why did you not follow my advice? I came here this morning only to be informed you never arrived…”

That he came to check on you weakens your bluster, although you still have no earthy idea why, once again, he is so invested in your actions. But you are not done saying your piece. 

“What does it matter now?” you bite bitterly before spinning around to face him. “Benedict, we are in Whistledown. My father would have arranged a special licence for tomorrow regardless of whether I had come here or not…”

“He did what?” he splutters, shock almost choking the words.

You square your shoulders and cross your arms defensively. “I am to be married in the morning. 11am at St George’s.” When all he offers is floored silence, you uncharitably dig the knife in. “No thanks to you...” 

Your words are like a body blow, a world of hurt in his quiet tone as he stares at the ground. “I was only trying to help.” 

Regret floods your every cell; why you would choose to lash out at him, even you don't know—so many conflicting feelings and strong liquor coursing through you.

“Please… let me return to the party,” you sigh wearily, after a beat, gesturing to his blocking your exit from the room.

“You would regret what you were about to do until your dying day,” he attests, lifting his head, a vein on his forehead pulsing as his jaw tenses.

“Perhaps,” you shrug. “But that is my burden to endure, not yours.”

“I am your friend,” he frowns, “I will always want to alleviate your burdens…”

“I do not want a friend, Benedict, not tonight. I want a beau.” If you aimed to shock him, you are successful; a cavalcade of expressions warring on his face as you plough on. “So please move so that I may continue with my most inadvisable plan….”

“No.” It's soft but unequivocal, resolute.

When you realise he is not going to budge, you throw your hands up in exasperation. “What do you want from me, Benedict?” 

There is a gruff noise in the back of his throat, and then, with two determined strides, he is pressed up against you, his breath hot on your face. Then he is kissing you, ferociously, wantonly, opening your mouth with his, his hands encircling your waist and pulling you roughly into him.

And you are lost.

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[juniperhillpatient]

I have talked about this a lot before but it’s on my mind & also it’s something that really should be discussed more in Buffy fandom -

People are constantly talking about how Spike defies all the rules Buffy was taught about demons & vampires & rightfully so. A vampire falling in love with a slayer & fighting for his soul for her is such a romantic notion & I do love it but the nuance of Spike’s arc is even more interesting than that! He does love Buffy but not only that he befriends the Scoobies too. He brings flowers for Joyce after she dies. He helps prove that Tara is not a demon when her family tries to gaslight her & isolate her. He becomes a pseudo big brother to Dawn.

And yet none of that is even what I’m here to talk about! Spike IS a hero & he does have a long spanning redemption arc before the soul (& we’re NOT here to talk about Seeing Red right now, as usual that topic is too expansive & requires its own post) that should be acknowledged & his character is rightfully praised but he is NOT the only exception to vampires having nuance & it drives me crazy that we act like he is. The Judge isn’t just talking to Spike when he says this:

“You TWO.” He’s talking about Drusilla too! He says that they share affection & jealousy. That Angelus in his total sociopathic lack of human emotion is the odd one here.

Then you have things like this -

Conversations with Dead People has Buffy sharing a very long & deep conversation with an old acquaintance turned vampire. And it’s far from the only example in universe of a vampire retaining some sense of camaraderie with people from their life!

That’s right this entire rant has been a lead up to talk about my best girly Harmony Kendall. You’ve fallen for my ruse if you’ve read this far muahaha! Admittedly Harmony’s strongest moments are mostly unfortunately on Angel but even in season four of Buffy when she dates Spike she is clearly intended at times to be sympathetic. Season 4 is also interesting because we see a lot interactions between various gangs of vampires like Harmony’s so-called minions & even Sundays gang where they’re very much evil but also sharing in living (existing?) space & acting like bickering roommates or siblings. Like creatures with bonds & personalities & intricacies.

The point I’m trying to make is that the show never truly wants to grapple with the existence of Spike in all his nuance but it’s also not just about him! In general there is so much to grapple with in the idea that vampires can change & be redeemed & I’m not saying I’m anti scary evil vampires I’m just saying the universe gave us these hints of nuance & then the characters never grappled with it & that’s lame. For Buffy killing things that have a shot at redemption however small would be a major emotional blow if she ever addressed it! Especially in her season 5 “am I just a killer 🥺” arc. Let’s deal with the implications!

Let’s deal with Xander’s trauma about killing Jessie & just how much it would/should hurt for him to see Spike increasingly choose good & work with the Scoobies. I would LOVE to know Xander’s reaction to Harmony’s arc on Angel or Cordelia befriending her & letting her go ina world where the writing acknowledges that he drove a stake through his best friends heart!

It’s just that the writers accidentally complicated their own lore & then totally refused to ever let their characters address what the cracks in the stories they tell themselves mean. Giles says that a vampire is no longer the person but instead the thing that killed them. What’s scarier: the idea that your loved one was killed & something wears their face like a mask OR much more insane (to me) the idea that your loved one came back very wrong but it’s still them? Your brother eats people now but he still remembers how you like your eggs & can quote every episode of the cartoon you watched as kids. Your mom murdered that woman from the PTA who always talked too much in cold blood but she still remembers the recipe for your favorite pancakes. The show wanted scary vampires but it got so caught up in never addressing the infinitely more complex & scarier vampires it accidentally created & sticking to the more simplistic initial idea that it did both the characters & lore very dirty. And I’ll never shut up about it!!!

[chronically-ghosted]

Hey I love you and I’m having thots about vampire!Dieter and his hedonistic lifestyle and his lavish parties at his estate and how he invites you up to show you his private rooms and he-

Oh, you mean like when he asks you about your--

Pairing: dieter bravo x f!reader

Warnings: flirting, a bit of blood, maybe dubcon due to The Thrall but i think it's safe to say we all want It from vampire!dieter, unbeta-ed because i needed to write something or someone was going to die

A/N: look at what you've done @sp00kymulderr you've gone and given a perfectly good fic LORE

“Theories.”

“What?” 

Dieter’s smirk pulls his mouth and his head towards the floor-to-ceiling windows. He rubs his fingers together, his wrist dangling over the edge of the deep-backed leather chair. The clean lines of his Armani pants and wing-tipped shoes give him the impression of leaning forward, as if he intended to tumble right through those windows and out into the party below. The music is muted, smothered, but the lights illuminate the sky like the sun beneath the waves. 

“Your theories. About all of this. About my dad, granddad. Everyone who’s ever walked in here – press or not –,” he lazily drags his gaze up from your ass to your tits for the third time that night, “– has had some wild theories that I just love to listen to. Little bedtime stories to put me to sleep. So let’s hear ‘em.”

You had doubts about this dress when you left your apartment but you have to dig your nails into your palms to keep from tugging it back down over your thighs because you know you have something every time Dieter looks at you. Maybe not for long, but you might be the first person in fifty years to walk out of here with something to say.

Your heart suddenly fluttering higher in your throat, you turn away towards the movie memorabilia lining the walls in glass shelves to give him the angle he’s been inching towards all night. Over your shoulder, you see his eyes drop – predictably. You let the line out a bit more and bend at the waist to examine the original glove from The Natural. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard them all, Mr. Bravo. The mystery around your family is nearly as old as Hollywood itself so I’m sure there’s nothing I can say that you haven’t heard before. Which reminds me . . .” You straighten up and, by some miracle, he meets your eyes, gaze no longer wandering. “Why me?” 

His mouth curls, but it’s the glint in his eyes that shows razor-sharp teeth. 

“I’ve always admired the brevity of wit, but you’re going to have to be more specific.”

Your jacket creaks when you cross your arms, eyebrow arched. “I’ve been with The Mezzanine for five years with half-a-dozen bylines under my belt. There’s a list of more experienced reporters a mile long. Why, after ignoring every press inquiry for the past twenty years, did you ask me to interview you? Oh, and consider this my first official question.” 

With an expansive inhale, Dieter draws himself to his feet. He takes a few steps towards the windows, just before the light catches the shine of his shoes. 

“Give me a theory and I’ll answer your question.”

You frown at his broad shoulders. Streaks of fuschia and green and gold tangle in his curls, setting the ends on fire. You think of those electric lamps under your grandfather’s porch that drew in moths with dust brown wings. Moths that ended up dead on the wooden floor. 

You find yourself inches from his left shoulder. 

“That’s not how these things usually go, Mr. Bravo.” 

“Humor the old hermit.” He grins and the smell of spice and smoke and lineage blooms in your nose. You school your face, swallowing down your beating heart. 

“The mob. So why me?”

Dieter chuckles. “The mob?”

“Happened to Frank Sinatra, didn’t it?”

“I don’t appreciate the comparison,” Dieter sneers. “Blue Eyes was an asshole and an idiot.”

You turn towards him, your turn to grin. “Speaking from personal experience?”

“Yes, actually.” 

“Unbelievable.” You roll your eyes and wander back towards the cabinet. It’s now you notice the odd placement of the couch and chairs in front of the memorabilia. As if hours were spent staring at them. “Do you have anything to drink?”

Dieter blinks at you. “Uh. No. Do you want me to call up for one?”

“No, Mr. Bravo, I want you to answer my question: why me?”

“Because you care.”

Dieter turns away from the lights, the music, the night and stares at you. The teasing sparkle, the sardonic grin – they’re gone. A different man stands before you – one with the same beautiful set of curls, with the same soft eyes. But you see something on his face you didn’t think was possible: yearning. 

“Everyone who ever came here only wanted a piece of me. Of this. Of my legacy. In fifty years, no one has ever wanted to know the magic in the movies. The magic of . . .” Dieter laughs quietly, joylessly. He looks around and runs his tongue against his upper teeth. “The mob? C’mon, you can do better than the mob.”

You take a step forward. Electric lamps be damned.

“I’m doing a terrible job of interviewing you.”

“Hardly.” His lips pout before pulling back into a grin. “We’re getting to know each other.”

Another step. 

“One for one?”

“Of course.”

“Then in debt to the US government for World War II propaganda. Why did your grandfather step out of the spotlight at the peak of his career?”

“Ford was as much a nazi as any of them and no Bravo would ever stoop so low, so no. And Grandpappy Bravo had health issues.”

“He was forty-five.”

“Forty-two, actually. The same age I am now.” He grins down at you and you find yourself staring up at him. Had his eyes always had that golden circle in the center?

“Give me another theory.”

“Drugs – boring but reliable. Why was your father so secretive about his role as a financial backer during the 60s movie revival?”

“He hated the attention, as much as a Bravo can. You’re getting closer.”

“It was drugs?” You tear your gaze that had somehow slipped to his lips back up to his eyes, but Dieter shakes his head.

“A drug of some kind, but not the kind you’re thinking of. A powerful drug. The most powerful.”

“Yeah? And what would that be?”

“Life itself.” Again, you see his teeth and without your control, your heart leaps into your throat. You narrow your eyes against the brilliant light of his mouth.

“Why do you care so much about my theories?”

“Because you’re not asking the right questions. You’re close, but not quite.” 

His hand floats against your jaw, fingertips crackling in the millimeter above your skin, and that spicy scent floods your brain in a sudden avalanche that makes your knees wobble. You huff, dizzy, a fog settling across your mind, and you put a hand against his chest to keep you from stumbling. His thumb drags against your bottom lip and that bright sensation becomes a focus point by which the entire universe revolves around. 

His eyes are entirely golden now.

“Ask the question you’ve been begging to, darling.”

You swallow through the haze, through the pounding of your heart, through the heaviness of your knees, and the wetness in your underwear. 

“No,” you mumble, “I . . . Dieter, you’ll laugh.”

“Try me, sweetheart.” His other hand joins his first, cradling your jaw, dragging you closer. “I want to hear it.”

“I think you’re a vampire.” The words dribble off your numb lips but even through the lag, you know you’ve screwed up. Something has gummed up the crevices of your brain, but that’s not the thing to say to the highly-eccentric social recluse you’ve put your career at risk to interview. 

“Dieter, I’m sorry – I-I-I didn’t mean–,”

But he laughs. Laughs and your moth wings get caught in the light of the white gleam of his fangs. His hand slips to your waist as his thumb brushes your cheek, golden eyes anything but angry.

“I knew you were clever.” 

Your nails dig into his jacket where you don’t feel a heartbeat. Your knees want you to fall forward into him, but your elbows struggle as the last shreds of a survival instinct. 

“Dieter–,”

“Shh, darling, you are smart. Too smart for your own good. You knew the truth the second you walked in here and you did it anyway. But that big brain won’t let you believe it until you see it, so breathe, darling. Breath and it will be over in a minute.”

He lowers his face, his cold breath against your neck cracking through the haze, icing your heart. You whimper, afraid –

Afraid he’s going to kill you.

Afraid that you’ll let him.

A warm tongue saturates the skin of your neck and you realize there are devil faces in the wood carving of the ceiling, your head tipped back and arms wrapped around his shoulders. 

“No crying. I will make this very good for you.” 

You blink and the ice in your heart melts out the corner of your eyes, tears running off your cheeks.

“Will I die?”

Dieter lets out a noise that’s a whine and a groan all at once. “No. We’re not nearly done having fun.”

And he bites you.

Euphoria erupts across your skin, an electric pulse waking up every sense still left in your control. You shudder, then draw him closer. He groans, not a single drop of blood escaping to the carpet or your shirt or his jacket. He eats well and clean and there’s a part of you that entertains the idea of him losing control. 

But as quickly as it comes on, everything fades. Blackness comes on, thick and fast, and you hear him pull off your neck more than you feel it and his tongue is the last sensation you feel. 

“No, darling, by the end of this, you’ll be begging me for more.”

His promise is the last thing you hear before the darkness closes in on you completely. 

+

[adamworu]

Hi, what do you think of the Anime!Kaworu (not manga or Rebuild) analysis called 'Kaworu Nagisa, Ángel del amor y el libre albedrío. Diseccionando a los Ángeles (última parte)' by MistralChronicles?, has English subtitles.

I finally gave it a look after being inundated with life stuff (forgive me for taking long on this) and wow! If you're a Kaworu fan looking for some really indepth analysis your cup will truly runneth over on this one.

Let me start by saying that this lengthy analysis works because it doesn't go deep into his characterization under the assumption that the viewer already knows. It's all conveniently wrapped in one video. For those that already do know, this video acts as an excellent refresher, given how expansive Evangelion's lore is.

(warning for abuse mention)

The first thing that stands out to me in this 2 hour analysis, aside from thoroughly research on Eva's production history is the noted rearranging of Kaworu's surname as Shisha. Shisha means messenger (You'll notice the term Saigo Shisha to refer to the angels in Eva) while also pertaining to death.

This also works well with MOVIC's assigning of Kaworu to the Death Tarot Card.

One door closes and another opens. Kaworu dies and he understands that he is the Last Messenger. In so doing, he ensures humanity's welfare in the process.

I love loved that MC (I'll be abbreviated Mistral Chronicles as MC in this analysis) talked of Draftworu and the scars. I wouldn't call those suicide attempts but I would call those self-harm. That's not to say that Draft iteration Kaworu didn't hold ideas relating to suicide.

MC notes that Kaworu and Shinji's excellent chemistry. Kaworu is more bright and outgoing whereas Shinji is more neutral. This manifests in their shirts: orange and blue, respectively, because they compliment each other.

I think my one pet peeve (even less, actually, just something pointed out) through this analysis however is that Kaworu is directly called Adam. Kaworu's existence as Adam is by proxy. Meaning that because Adam's soul is within him, he's Adam that way rather than being some physical iteration.

Kaworu was meant to be so good that his nature alone would be enough to give Shinji an inferiority complex. MC makes the excellent point that because Kaworu's appearance had to be truncated to one episode, we only ever see not the complex, but rather Shinji's idealization of Kaworu.

I think about this fact a lot. How, even though Kaworu accepts Shinji for who he is, there's a pushback in parts of Eva communities that assumes bad faith on Kaworu's end. It drives me up a wall every so often due to exactly where the bad faith comes from. There's also a part of me that understands that total acceptance and unconditional love aren't impossible manifestations. Out there, there is someone who appreciates and is so in love with you in all ways. We're so used to being around people trying to change key aspects of us rather than trying to comprehend us at our very cores. It makes the words 'I love you' feel all the more surreal. Genuine, unrelenting love for who you are feels like a shock to the system.

(Also small sidebar before we move on: MC goes into how Kaworu can fenagle with Unit-02 despite the non-reconfigured soul. When she says 'he can control a body that is his own' she's referring to the fact that Kaworu, being an angel, is comprised of particle wave matter)

Kaworu has Shinji's support. Anywhere can be paradise. Shinji is his home.

MC points out something that often goes missed by some groups: Kaworu's existence is ultimately integral to Evangelion. Not just to Shinji. Kaworu's status as the Angel of Free Will is an ironic one of sorts. Other angels which preceded him desired to understand more of their lilin 'neighbors', so why then, is Kaworu aligned with such a moniker?

Kaworu's kindness, or his sacrifice to humanity, allowed them that free will. Another reading that I have alongside the aforementioned is that Kaworu's action shows the unsettlingly paradoxical nature of free will; that your freedom exists because someone allowed it for you.

The video also goes on to point out that Kaworu doesn't overstep boundaries (i.e. the bath scene). He thinks that Shinji wants to go with him out of the bath. He doesn't really pry. He's not fully attuned to Shinji's culture to understand why there'd be aversion with acts of sudden closeness. That's not to say that Shinji was grossed out by Kaworu (which he wasn't), but that Shinji's aversion comes from a place of fear from being hurt again.

Now onto Netflix's translation.

MC transitions into the Netflix translation and how it danced around 'It means I love you.' Debates about translation are sometimes had pertaining to this scene. You'll often see people argue about how in the Japanese version 'koui/koi' is purely platonic in nature. Given the actual context with the scene as well as the symbolisms that carry later in in End of Evangelion, this is of course far from the truth. The word is a pun which is doesn't carry well outside the language. The words 'koi' and 'suki' are indeed romantic, and EOE doesn't stand as the only example. The drafts debunk any perception of Kaworu and Shinji's relationship being that of 'just friends.' MC also adds more: that Anno gave the drafts to someone who was versed in writing boys love.

The erasure in the translations was justified via 'Evangelion is an ambiguous work.' Correction: Evangelion's moral to the viewer is ambiguous. The characters have been talked about in supplementary material. That isn't ambiguous.

This snippet here also debunks the platonic angle. When the characters are shown top-down in bed in certain parts of the series, there's some adversity or lack of communication. Shinji thinks of Asuka as only a child (something about glass houses and throwing stones). Asuka did share the sheets with Hikari, though faced away because she felt too vulnerable. But Shinji and Kaworu? They're clicking so much that Shinji divulges to Kaworu about his life prior to the events of Eva. Kaworu offers to sleep on the floor rather than Shinji but Shinji prefers the floor. Shinji catches himself being vulnerable but never backpedals or fronts about his life. At that moment, he was vulnerable with the right person.

Kaworu's such a surreal character in the world of Evangelion because he doesn't really ask anything. He's kind, but far from perfect. But he feels almost immaculate because Evangelion's world comes across to many viewers as cynical. People are often cold and get away with proverbial murder. None of us can understand each other fully because our boundaries not only protect us, but impede us. Fear drives us to be alive but also stunt current relationships while condemning future ones.

The lake scene is brought up in the video analysis in that it makes little to no sense. It's just...weird to think about.

Kaworu's donor is brought up here, though I wouldn't go so far as to say that they 'gave a body.' During the Director's Cut of episode 21, it's stated that Kaworu's conception came about as a Contact Experiment. DNA 'dove' into the flesh of Adam, awakening them. It could have been anything.

Since we're talking of enigmatic lore of Eva, 'clone' is a sort of loose term here. Both of the 'cloned' individuals may have the slight features of their donors, but not by much. Their complexions are pale, nearly calling to mind someone with albinism. Why is it that both of these experiments end in these features?

Love that MC points this out.

Shinji's on the warpath with angels not because of his contempt, but he seeks validation. Then Kaworu comes along, gives him that validation without condition. There's no ulterior motive for his kindness. He loves Shinji for all his flaws.

Shinji's ire for Kaworu's reveal is a front. He's not angry at Kaworu for his status. His forced to fight between two sources of validation, those around him most or Kaworu. Shinji doesn't want to be forced with the troubling revelation that his fight against the angels isn't genuine. This is further reinforced in episode 25 in which he doubles down.

Kaworu explains the AT field, how integral it is to understanding others (and outside to the viewer, important to the plot). The deployment of boundaries can protect you but in the same vein hurt others. MC points out that Unit-02 stabbing 01 is metaphorical, and a clever subtlety at that. The progression knife is inserted in the left side of the Evangelion, where the heart is.

He utters 'Human hope is made from sorrow.' From despair, joy arises. Kaworu realizes that his merging with Adam (biological desire, not moral) would spell annihilation for the whole of mankind and its hopes. As the last of his kind, the onus lies on him to cause a freedom of one species to inherit Earth while the other perishes.

It's also why Ode to Joy is synonymous with Kaworu.

It is why he is the Angel of Free Will.

Take the AT Field's usage into consideration. It can be used to protect, hurt, overstep, or even temporarily shut oneself off from the pains of the world. These are used to navigate the circumstances around you, and this truth implicates the angels, given they're as complex as humanity.

Thus, the larger deployment of Kaworu's AT Field is made clear. Blood stains his hands, regardless of outcome.

On this end, humans do have AT Fields but lack the physiology to deploy them physically. The Fields are instead metaphorical. They exist as veneers of a person, avoidance of an issue, among other things.

Kaworu's designation as the first and last angel is pointed out. This not only goes for the series but also the Rebuilds as well and it works thematically. Kaworu's the 13th angel in Rebuilds and this is juxtaposed in FINAL with Unit 01 as well as 13. 01 in FINAL is considered Hope whereas 13 is considered Despair. Before Kaworu's 'demotion' he was hopeful in that he would be able to save the world without mass death on his head. When realizing he was set up when Shinji retrieves the spears in Rebuilds, he becomes the 13th. In the original this manifests as Kaworu feeling hopeful that he found someone who finally understood him. Someone whom he could love and laugh with. 'Human hope is made of sorrow.' has even more depth, when the above is considered added with Kaworu's empathetic nature. He understands the needs of man, because he feels this way too.

Kaworu feels hope when being around Shinji (Also makes 'I may have been born to meet you' more wholesome) but a sense of sorrow knowing his mission.

He becomes desperate, understanding that if man were to live, he'd need to die.

This is probably the only part I strongly disagree with. One of the biggest horrors of Evangelion is that people do take from others (and they often get away with murder). The cast heaps baggage on each other, or neglects them unless a situation comes in which benefits them. It's not a nihilist bent that Eva goes on, because it'd contradict that anywhere could be paradise. It highlights that humanity is ugly without going into a 'so get over it' angle. Eva highlights that realities are often ugly, but hardly defeatist or smugly pessimistic.

Kaworu's likened to Rei in their sad realities. He sets up to become something larger, but the reasons differ. Kaworu does humanity a kindness of his own accord. Rei? Becomes a mother figure simply because her whole existence of a man's unhealthy coping mechanisms. She is conditioned, start to finish to be a mother. Even though she understands more of her identity thanks to Kaworu, her tragedy is that she doesn't know how not to be anything maternal. Kaworu's kindness is his own and his tragedy derives in knowing the cycle but being a slave to it. His ultimate tragedy is that, for how powerful he is, he's still susceptible to unhealthy cycles, forced to play out that role until it is broken.

It's pointed out that Shinji's depressive spiral goes deeper with Kaworu's death and not just because of the event itself. 'Death is the only freedom.' are chilling words from a boy who could not control his existence but could control his death. This makes the likening of Kaworu to Shinji all the more tragic. Much of Shinji's life was rife with neglect up until this point. Then he had to get rid of a genuine source of validation.

The love of Kaworu and Shinji is mutual. MC dives into misconceptions of how Kaworu and Shinji's relationship is platonic because it lacks the suggestive closeups of Misato, Rei, and Asuka (it's own can of worms). EOE debunks the platonic bent as well the Rebuilds with the numerous references. There's even a heart shaped tree where Shinji and Kaworu play Quatre Mains!

Anno even states Kaworu as an idealized other.

Kaworu's proxy status as a father and mother is noted. While Anno uses chichi (father) as a designation for Adam, Kaworu uses hahataru sonzai for Our Mother. This explains why Kaworu stands as judge over Gendo alongside Rei and Yui. This latter of the designations makes sense, given Adam's status as the progenitor for angels.

Kaworu's status as integral to the plot of Eva is especially solidified during Instrumentality. Rei and Kaworu represent the desire to understand the world around and unconditional love, respectively. He, along with Rei, teaches Shinji that if he were to come back physically, AT Fields would exist once more. Pain would exist. People would not know each other fully. And Shinji allows that for mankind, even after knowing this revelation.'

People like Rei and Kaworu can exist, however. But in our lives, our sometimes unforgiving realities, people like that are rare. There are people that love you for being you. There are people that want to comprehend the complexities the world hands us. I hope that one day, you find both.

That we all find both. That too, is why anywhere can be paradise as long as you have that will to live.

All in all, I loved MC's meticulous dissection of Kaworu's character. It's a welcome addition and it was easy to follow along through all of it. I recommend watching it for anyone reading this who has the time. It's some of the most indepth Kaworu analysis i'd seen in the years I'd been in this fandom and I thank MC for the write-up. And I thank you, anon, for redirecting me to this video dissertation.

[echosong971]

GOOD EVENING. YOUR "VOID FRENZY" HEADCANONS. HAND THEM OVER 🔫

GEEZUMS OK-

so um.

for me to talk about my headcanons for Void Frenzies, I gotta first talk about the Void and how it relates to Nightstalkers especially, cause, y'see-

The Void is a quirky lil thing.

There are numerous accounts and lore bits that talk about how the Void is, even though it's technically Light, almost like an entity unto itself.

"...I've discovered another little trick to getting in good with that yawning mouth of nothing we call the Void: exhaustion. When I start slipping into that twilight, where I'm not sure if I'm awake or dreaming, I can feel the absence. It's close enough to touch. I guess it doesn't matter if it's literal or metaphorical. The Void just likes it when I'm running on empty." - Nightstalker

"The Void ain't special. It sure is creepier than Solar or Arc, that's for sure. But it isn't special. Just show it respect, thank it for a lovely evening, and make sure you always pay your bill. So to speak. Then you've got nothing to worry about. See?" - Shard of the Traveler (Nightstalker)

"There are those who see the Void as dark. It is the folly of the simple mind, unable to perceive the brilliant richness of nothingness. The Void is not only the absence of Light, but Dark..." - Apotheosis Veil

Even further, countless lore tabs talk about the risks of using the Void and the reasons why it can be detrimental to use, especially for Nightstalkers, who balance on the knife's edge of powers and abilities that could prove to be exceptionally dangerous if not exercised with paramount discipline:

"I've had a dozen Hunters ask me why it's so hard to summon a Dusk Bow. I asked 'em what they thought of the Void, and their eyes told me everything. You can't be afraid. That's the secret. No fear." - Tevis, Log Entry 19338

"Picking it up is the easy part, Hunter. Putting it down again, well, you’ll find that it’s addictive, that power. This weapon is something special. Your Light gets twisted. Changed. You find the power to punch through and borrow something from the other side. The Void opens up a hole, and draws from the deep. Go ahead. Carry it a while, Hunter. You’ll feel how heavy it can get.” - Cayde-6, The Nightstalker's Trail

"Doesn't matter how good you are—you stay out there too long, you're not coming back. Not the same way you left, anyway." - Tevis Larsen, Graviton Forfeit

So I asked myself, what happens when a Guardian does go too far into the Void? What happens when the Void they take from finally decides to take something back?

And that's when the idea of Void Frenzies came to me.

So, how do they work?

I imagine they happen to Nightstalkers more often than Sentinels or Voidwalkers just due to the nature of their class and how it works, as well as my own personal knowledge being more expansive when it comes to the Void subclass for Hunters compared to Void Titan and Warlock. So for brevity's sake, I'm going to solely be referring to Nightstalkers for this. Although y'all can feel free to add on your own thoughts on how this might happen for Sentinels and Voidwalkers!

There are a few ways that Void Frenzies can be triggered, but more often than not they tend to be caused when a Nightstalker overtaxes themselves and overuses their Void without giving themselves room to breathe or time to calm down. Huge bouts of emotional turmoil and/or copious amounts of stress can also make a Nightstalker more susceptible to snapping thus triggering a Void Frenzy.

The telltale signs of a Void Hunter experiencing stress that, if it becomes uncontrollable, could lead to a Void Frenzy are as follows:

Living things such as trees, flowers and grass begin to die and wilt around them and any living creature feels like its energy is being siphoned from their body, mirroring the effects of the power we know as Devour.

The temperature of the air around them suddenly drops and turns stagnant. It's not just cold, it's also thick and musty. Unnaturally still. Entropic. Dead.

Void energy begins to course along their arms and face. It creeps under their skin like dark tendrils that they seem to be unable to control, as if it's infecting their very body. The Light underneath the skin of Awoken Guardians turns a dark purple. Their eyes, and the lights in Exos' mouths and optics, turn a brilliant violet, and their sclera—the whites of their eyes—turn black. Energy seeps from their eyes like thick, smoky tears. Purple smoke also can escape from their nose and mouths, even billowing up from the hollow cheeks of Exos.

They seem distant. Hungry. Tired. They become far more prone to spacing out. More often than usual. The Void likes when they run on empty, and the emptier they are, the stronger their connection to the Void becomes until, without proper discipline and control, it consumes them.

When a Void Frenzy occurs, it begins with the Hunter expelling a MASSIVE amount of Void energy around them as if they were casting a Super. Void Light bathes their form and often times will manifest in bladed weapons that look much like Spectral Blades, or in some cases, claws. This varies from Hunter to Hunter.

After this point, they have slipped into the grasp of the abyss and it will refuse to let go. They're only goal will to be to kill and consume as much energy as they can to feed the insatiable appetite of the emptinesses gaping maw. They cannot differentiate between friends and enemies and will attack anything that they see. The Void does not discriminate between energy sources and now neither do they. They do not control the Void anymore. The Void is in control of them. They are ferocious, insatiable, and extremely dangerous and will not stop consuming everything in their path until they either pass out or get shot.

The only ways to combat a Void Frenzy is to wait until their own energy has become exhausted and they burn out (which is not recommended as trying to contain Hunters in a Frenzy has proven to be nigh impossible), by suppressing them with the very energy that is controlling them and thus severing their own connection to the Void, or by killing them and allowing their Ghost to rez them so that the Light bathes and grounds them. The Vanguard tends to opt for killing Guardians in Void Frenzies on sight as it acts as a sort of hard reset that has proven to be the most effective and reliable method for quickly snapping a Guardian out of a Frenzy without causing too much extraneous stress, trauma or damage.

Guardians that have suffered from Void Frenzies are often given a one to two week mandatory leave of absence from their duties—the length being determined by the severity of the incident—and are encouraged and given the resources to take care of themselves until they have recovered enough and feel fit for duty.

In the fight against the Darkness, the last thing they need are Guardians losing themselves.

[lostyaotl]

Transformers One: Fear overshadows excitement.

This is just a bit of rant and I apologize for the lack of eloquence and structure in my thought process as I type this message.

To begin with, I have been quite a fan of transformers franchise for many years now, and although not an expert, I really appreciate the characters and the expansive lore behind it. When I first saw the trailer for 'Transformers One," I got extremely excited at seeing another Transformer movie to add to the collection and the fact that it was an animated added to this feeling. But as I started to maul over it and reflect on what I had just watch I couldn't help but feel an gnawing emotion: fear. It may seem odd why I would feel this way so let me explain:

Lately, media has used comedy as some sort of foundation for every show/movie/etc. Don't get me wrong, comedy is great, it adds a touch of lightheartedness and can even emphasize emotional shifts. I could go on for hours on examples and how they just work and how comedy has changed nowadays to the point that it seems more like a nuisance than anything. I think just for a quick example, think of the shift from Kung Fu Panda and Kung Fu Panda 4. (I would love to go on a rant on this). And one of the main issues with this excessive comedy, is that it sacrifices story. We lose those deep heartfelt moments, those growth moments, and so much more because either they are erased from the narrative or they are quickly washed away with comedy. Now back to 'Transformers One,' I fear for this movie simply because of this tendency.

I love how it is an origin story, especially because it would add so much to the characters. Don't get me wrong, I think most of us knew that Megatron and Optimus were close friends before they became who they are but it's not really talked about (again, not an expert I'm talking from like Transformers Prime and MTMTE which I need to reread). It gives an itch, but we can't really delve or feel the actual loss between the two. To see these two characters grow and their traits interact and leave us asking what could have been. So this movie would be an amazing chance to feed us.

I am also excited because if you really think about it, the real reason why the war started, the social issue at hand, was quite hard hitting (depending of iteration) and I think could easily be applied to today's world. Because it wasn't just a caste system, the cybertronians were literally stuck in their role depending on the model they were born as (ref. MTMTE) to the point that they would try to change their parts (if I remember correctly). I don't know I am just rambling at this point, but again, I fear that this message will be lost because it will be glazed over with comedy.Like I know it's an origin story and they aren't supposed to be even thinking about war, but it sets up for it.

I was also a bit anxious about the characterizations. I fear that they will be changed just to be more 'likeable' to younger audiences. Like don't get me wrong, there are many examples where characters have been changed from the source material while still keeping the core characteristics that make them who they are. I think a good example would be Leonardo from "Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." He was drastically different from the other iterations (cocky, dramatic, arrogant vs serious, focused, stern) but keeping the core characteristics (self-sacrificial, perceptive, most rational, quick-thinking, strategist). And there are examples where it is bad (Velma, although not completely bad but could use some work Wednesday, and some others I literally had a list and I just forgot.) And I think this concern first appeared when I saw Bumblebee....He...I didn't know what to think. Bumblebee always gave off little brother vibes but this time he just gave of 'chad' vibes and I fear how this will work out in the movie. Maybe there will be some growth! Hopefully. And this spiraled down to D-16 and Orion's characters as well. I enjoy the use of the iteration of both of them being slaves, it really pulls them in together, but I did love the character dynamic we say it 'Transformers Prime' where Orion is still serious, but he's a bit more naive, fully trusts his best friend with no second thought, obedient, loyal, perceptive, compassionate which we still see in Optimus Prime but not as blind, we can see the growth, like he trusts his allies but is cautious with newcomers etc, he is loyal to his cause, compassionate in keeping his people safe and still has the idea mercy/of second chances. And it can become flaws at times as well, if I remember at some point Ratchet calls him out saying that he was too soft and it costs them because Optimus still had hope that they could be united without the violence. D-16 has just the same potential, we have seen proof that he was passionate about what he stood for, but his traits sadly were fed to the wrong end and quickly became huge flaws that turned him to what we know him as. I always say it as Optimus cared for the People, as Megatron cared for the Cause. Two sides of the same coin. And this could be set up in the movie, we could easily see these traits and how they differ. I don't know, I just fear that a great dynamic could be lost to just 'hur hur they are bros and they are silly and learn to tolerate each other.'

Again, I apologize for this rant and how messy it is, I just needed to get it off my chest. Again, I am not dissing on the movie. I am genuinely excited to watch it because the art style looks really cool, the premise looks promising, and I can't wait to see what characters make an appearance.

Ps. I also apologize if when referencing Prime I am confusing Megatronous with D-16 it's hard when rapid typing and thinking keep track of the the names

[whatsthisascianbullshit]

Blog Info

I am working on trying to make a carrd to make this shorter but brain power is limited lmao

I love my WoLs, other WoLs, the story, the lore, shared AUs, regular AUs, the list goes on so while not an RP blog I do try to do ask games and the like (time & energy permitting...I have a bit of a backlog)

I tag expansion-specific content with “ffxiv: expac name” and when there’s something particularly spoilery I try to tag “expac name spoilers”. Tagging specific patch spoilers is a little more iffy - especially for anything before EW seeing as I flew through from the Garuda fight to the end of Shadowbringers patches in just a little over a year.

My main WoLs I will be posting about are my main girlie Muireann Uais and the idol magical girl of my heart Sami Fashonti, I’ve got a couple of others but these two (and their various shards) are who will most likely be showing up. More info on them under the cut ^^ (contains spoilers up to patch 6.2)

Muireann Uais

She/her // SMN main // power knowledge hungry gremlin // ~ adventurer ~

Blurb-o: Insatiably curious with little regard for her own safety, Muireann will do quite literally anything For Science. Typically found with her nose in a book or up to her elbows at an archaeology dig hunting for the secrets of lost magical arts, her thirst for knowledge (and power) is tainted with a deep, debilitating fear of losing any of her ever-growing family.

Though initial impressions (outside of combat) are of a well-mannered young lady of the Shroud, she is quick to judge and anger, slow to forgive, and can hold a grudge for years. If first impressions are through combat, an academic field she’s interested in, or the benefits of expressing emotions through giant sharp weapons, Muireann has a much more feral energy.

Muireann has a chronic condition which causes pain and fatigue and as such she generally teleports or travels by mount and is followed around by one out of her collection of carbuncles, egis, and fairies at any given time.

Muireann was born Ralenne Canaux and due to a short series of misunderstandings as a child, believed she needed an “adventuring name” in order to pursue her dream of traveling the world and helping people as an adventurer. Muireann Uais is the name she decided on.

Ships: we multiship here. Muireann/Y’shtola, Muireann/Hien, different polyships between Muireann, Y’shtola, Hien, and Runar, Muireann/Haurchefant, and a good few others that don’t have enough meat on the bones

Family:

Parents Silvaire and Illiette Canaux (alive & well but somewhat estranged until some point after the sorrow of Werlyt),

unknown extended family in Werlyt.

Adopted brother Raer Angathril and mother figure Haname “Miss Hanna” Angathril ( both @azure-dragonsinger​ )

Shards of the soul:

Panthea, Ancient: (The GAP) Struggling with life in a perfect world where she cannot feel anything strongly enough to combat the oppressive numb contentedness of the world as she knows it. Spends her time developing concepts to scare her into feeling something. Responsible for several creatures in Pandaemonium.

Pandora, fall of Allag: (The Allagan Tempest) Allagan scientist and administrator, overlooked and underestimated her whole career. Responsible for most of the atrocities on Azys Lla. Does not live long enough to make good on her promise to Tiamat to make amends after being awakened and seeing the horrors of Allag for what they were.

Ufufu Ufu, War of the Magi: (magiposting) A scholar of Nym desperately trying to stem the progression of the green death amongst her colleagues. Responsible for maintaining the wards on Wanderer’s Palace after it was sealed before the flood.

Barbariccia, the 13th reflection: yeah look I’m being extremely self-indulgent here but there are themes and unhinged and violent power hungry woman is a big one.

Sami Fashonti

She/her // WHM main (while she’s in ARR at least) // naive teen // ~ idol ~

Blurb-o: Armed with a positive outlook bordering on foolish, Sami believes that music is the most potent and powerful magic of all. With her goal of spreading her love of all living things to the world, she believes that she can stop the Garlean invasion of Eorzea if she could just connect to the hardened hearts of their armies through her performance.

Shards of the soul:

Euterpe, Ancient: A young protégé of Venat, Euterpe was very young when she was given the title of Azem. Her enthusiasm and love of all living beings and the star itself was the defining characteristic of her time on the Convocation. While previous Azems gave reports on their travels, Euterpe instead preferred to learn songs from people she met or compose new songs to capture the essence of particularly beautiful and different places. This non-standard approach to her work clashed with the expectations of her self-appointed mentor Emet-Selch.

[interval-au]

Massive lore post for my AU lol

...

Before the beginning, there was nothing. Paradise as we know it, along with the rest of the world didn't exist.

The only thing there was was a deep, black expanse now known by mortals as Void.

Inside Void, was a towering, silent abyss named Rest, and a small, vibrant pocket of pure light named Note.

Rest was eternally at peace in the quiet eternity, but Note, the only thing keeping Rest from falling asleep forever, wanted change.

Note approached Rest with a deal. She would allow them to have proper peace, in return for a realm of her own. One of life, without entropy.

Rest was a kind god, and despite having no need to show empathy they took pity on their lonely companion. They agreed to the deal, and the two got to work creating a world both could be happy in.

One side of this new world was pitch dark, like Void. This would be where Rest would spend their time, in peaceful silence.

The other side was like nothing before, with a horizon separating ground from sky, which fragments of Note's power filled, known as stars.

Next, Note created other shapes for company, so others could appreciate her and Rest's work, while Rest created plantlife, the power of Note, becoming known as Creation, in the world making them strong and beautiful.

Rest's power, later known simply as Void like the former expanse, sustained the Shapes and wildlife in turn, as it was stored in the plants that now covered the realm.

This created an everlasting cycle of the two powers sustaining eachother, making them codependent.

As their creations evolved, five shapoids in particular were determined to know the means of their existence, and were the first to discover Note and Rest. Although the two were content with being unknown, these five shapes wanted the rest of the world to know who their creators were.

They became their creators' Orators, telling their story to all who would listen. The two new gods became respected and loved, and entire civilisations were formed in their names.

The five who started it all were offered a place with their creators, in exchange for their eternal loyalty, and a promise to take care of the world they would now have an input in creating.

All of them agreed.

Lumi, the one who was chosen to guide fading souls to a part of Rest's domain, now known as the Void Sea, was bound to Rest itself, never to leave their side.

Sol, one who was chosen to stay with the mortals in Note's domain and provide them means to live, was similarly bound to Note, never to cross into the darkness.

The other three, whose names are lost to time, would be chosen to walk in the place between both worlds, solving problems and defending them if necessary.

One of these three gave the mortals the ability to channel magic, another could see future possibilities and warned the mortals of danger, and another created the chains binding everything to reality, and kept logic safe so that nothing could undo Note and Rest's hard work.

These three also created giant stores of magic called Artifacts, and placed them on seven continents. They created brave guardians to defend these artifacts and use the power they held for good.

When all was done, there could finally be a beginning.

...

Well, that's all for now on lore! This should hopefully explain a few things (or raise more questions perhaps?)

If you want to know anything about my AU, feel free to ask me :3 I may have to withhold certain information if it spoils things, though!

After all, I am considering ways to tell a story, either written or drawn (idk about an ask blog type thing, not sure how many people would be interested)

That's all for now :)

- Interval

[katieskarlette]

Sylvanas novel reaction post

Having now binge-read the entire novel in one day, I have thoughts.

Overall, I enjoyed it.  I’d even say it was the best Warcraft novel in many years.  That doesn’t mean it’s flawless, however.  The parts about Sylvanas’ early life were really good, but the last part...well, the book did try to polish the turd that is Shadowlands lore, but it’s still a turd.  

My strongest impression, though, is that we should have had this book in our hands when patch 9.0 dropped, minus the bits that are 9.1 and 9.2 spoilers.  At the latest, we should have gotten this book around the time the “Sylvanas and Anduin in Torghast” cutscenes were released.  That is, after all, the framing device for the book, but, more than that, we would have known what Sylvanas was thinking.  

[Cut for length and spoilers.]

Being left in the dark about Sylvanas and Zovaal’s plans and feelings sapped the story of emotional resonance, leaving us with Saturday morning cartoon villains who were evil Just Because.  Zovaal showed more emotion and depth in his two scenes in the book than he did in-game for the entire expansion (even including his final cinematic)!  Imagine if we could have seen their meeting, heard actual emotion in his voice instead of too many spooky audio filters, and then spent the expansion fighting to thwart his plans, knowing that he had a point but was taking things way too far.  Bonus, there’s no nonsense about a bigger, badder threat looming.  Just a misguided attempt to fix what is genuinely a messed-up system.  How much more interesting and compelling that would have been!

Instead we got a cardboad cutout of Zovaal, and were teased for literally years about what deep, dark secret Sylvanas knew about the cosmos.  The in-game cutscenes gave the broad strokes of the “universe = unfair, time to factory reset it” plot, but we still didn’t understand how Sylvanas could fall for Zovaal’s obvious lies.  Even after the book I find it a little difficult to believe she would work with the guy who was ultimately responsible for the Scourge, but at least after reading what Zovaal actually said and showed her I can see where she was coming from.  Even someone as well versed in deception and politics as Sylvanas can be manipulated into believing something she desperately wants to be true once she’s been broken down enough.

The book also reinforced my impression that the Jailer plot underwent significant changes at least once, if not more than once, between early development and what we got to see.  I’m not the only person who senses that disconnect, either, as I’ve seen/read multiple speculations about it.  The tinfoil hat theory about the Primus being the ultimate villain hiding in plain sight makes too much sense.  I’m not saying I believe that to be true, necessarily, but the fact that the theory can be woven so convincingly with so much evidence certainly gives the impression that the Shadowlands story we were presented with was cobbled together from many jagged pieces that didn’t originally go together.  They may not quite add up to the Primus being the master villain, but they don’t quite add up to the story Blizz seems to think they told, either.

I found Sylvanas’ enduring love for her little brother to be a really poignant tale that does make sense in light of her attitude toward Anduin, but the fact that not a single shred of that is found in-game diminishes the impact significantly.  Something that fundamental to a character’s motivations can’t be relegated to a book a tiny fraction of the playerbase will ever even skim.

Sylvanas’ parents were fine.  Nothing super memorable, but they were likable enough, despite her mother’s strictness.  It makes sense that Sylvanas learned politics from somewhere, so having her father be an adviser to the king worked well.

Alleria’s character seemed consistent throughout.  Vereesa changed a lot from a child to an adult, but that was understandable given what she went through, so no complaints there.  It would have been easy to depict Lirath as obnoxiously perfect when viewed through Sylvanas’ rose-tinted glasses, and he does tread close to that line at times, but his own self-doubt makes him just relatable enough to save him from Gary Studom.

I really liked how Kael’thas was depicted here.  Haughty, yes, but not without compassion.  We got a nice glimpse into what his everyday life was like when he wasn’t in Dalaran, and how his subjects thought of him.  I felt major second-hand embarrassment when he overheard Sylvanas ranting about how much she hated the thought of being his queen.  Awwwwwkward.

In describing Nathanos as “ugly” I feel like Golden was throwing a bone to the vocal portion of the playerbase who hate the character, but she also showed him to be supportive, loyal, respectful, and downright warm to Sylvanas.  The snarky banter and deep trust between them was everything I had hoped for.  Call this one a win for the Blightrunner ship!  At the very least we can finally put to rest the silly notion that it was all one-sided on his part.

I know Lor’themar called him a bully, both in the book and in-game during the Shadowlands prepatch, but, uh...citation needed.  I suppose we should assume that he was more disagreeable when Sylvanas wasn’t around, since that’s how he was in Legion and BFA, but we don’t see any evidence of that in the book.  Even the “braggart” label that Lor’themar also pins on him only really applied when he was showing off his archery skills to Sylvanas when they first met, and he did have something to prove, then.

I do wish Nathanos’ induction into the Farstriders had happened earlier, due to his skill, not after he was already romantically linked to Sylvanas.  I also didn’t like the implication that Lor’themar and Co. would have happily accepted some other human into their ranks, just not Nathanos specifically.  I mean, it’s kind of amusing on a meta level because of how unpopular a character he is, and maybe I’m being a little too defensive because I’m used to defending Nate from his haters, but we never see why they don’t like him.  He’s homely and scruffy.  Okay, and?  It’s not like you guys smell like mageroyal when you come back from an overnight patrol mission, covered in dirt, sweat, and troll guts.  :P

At one point Nathanos is said to have black hair, then another time it’s described as brown. His living model in the Caverns of Time has red hair, so neither is right.  Oops.  I was also a little disappointed not to learn any more about his family.  Only Stephon was mentioned.  Oh well, I ate up every single cheesy, sappy, romantic line Nathanos said to Sylvanas like the shipper I am.  Not sorry.

Anyway, moving on, I was hoping for a definitive answer as to what Sylvanas was going to say in the Torghast cutscene when she said, “We can’t even choose who we--”  I guess a reasonable extrapolation would be “spend the afterlife with,” but I would have liked to have it spelled out in the text.

Was the blame for the use of blight at the Wrathgate retconned again?  Or does this book jive with Chronicle?  I don’t even know anymore.  Overall the book did try to make Sylvanas more sympathetic than she’s been depicted in the past.  On one hand, we haven’t been inside her head like this before, so it’s not technically in conflict with past portrayals, but at times it felt a little forced.  Then again, I’ve been complaining for years that Blizz was trying to string along both the Sylvanas fans and haters by never taking a stand on whether she’s redeemable or not, so I guess I should be glad they finally picked a side.

One of the purposes of this book existing was ostensibly to make the argument for Sylvanas being redeemable.  Did it succeed?  For some, maybe.  It hinges on whether or not you’re an “ends justify the means” kind of person, and whether or not you buy into the fact that Sylvanas was apparently 100% sincere in her belief that following the Jailer’s plans would lead to eternal bliss for all souls in the cosmos.

It’s funny because even before Shadowlands was released, several people (including me) thought that the setup for the afterlife sucked.  The thing that bothered me the most from the very beginning was not being guaranteed to spend eternity with your loved ones.  Lo and behold, that’s a major problem in Sylvanas’ mind, too.  I guess I was a loyalist all along without realizing it (despite my main being Alliance...)  Of course, this just shines a spotlight on how she was right, and the afterlife does suck, yet it was never really addressed.  I admit I haven’t played since early 9.1, so maybe I missed a bit where Pelagos addresses that, but everything I’ve seen has been about souls going where they truly “deserve” to be, with no mention of reunion with loved ones.

Phew.  Long post.  And I’m sure I’m forgetting stuff.  I’ll leave it for now.  My eyes are wrecked.

Bottom line, I enjoyed the book quite a bit, especially the parts before half the Windrunners got killed, but the stench of the dumpster fire that is Shadowlands lore still reeks no matter how much potpourri Golden sprinkles on it. 

[archies-litterbox]

You know... tonight I'm thinking about how I and much of the rest of the fandom had alot of positive feelings about Wizards, even though it had its share of imperfections, in comparison to ROTT, which had such an overwhelmingly negative response.

And I think it's because much of the criticism of Wizards was centered around what we didn't get to see, while criticism of ROTT is largely centered around what we did see (and what we shouldn't have seen).

Two of the most popular criticisms I saw of wizards when it first came out were:

1.) The story was so tightly condensed that there was alot that didn't get to be explored.

2.) Zoe didn't get to have a larger role.

And I think both of these criticisms share one uniting sentiment: we wanted more. The audience loved what we did see, and we wanted to see more of it. We wanted more of Douxie's time in the spotlight/more of Camelot explored/more of The Pink-Haired Girl And What She Means to Douxie. It's INTERESTING and WE LIKE IT.

Since the show only had ten episodes, there was alot that had to be squeezed down/removed to fit in the time allowed, but Wizards spent the time it did have giving us amazing characters, compelling dynamics, and interesting lore expansion that the audience was ENTHRALLED by, to the point where much of the criticism of the installment comes down to: the audience was so intrigued/fascinated by this content that the fact that there isn't more sucks.

Now... cut to Rise of the Titans.

With its runtime of nearly two hours, it theoretically had the chance to do more of what Wizards, as great as it was, couldn't fit in: more of Douxie in the spotlight, expansion on his other relationships (like Zoe & ADP), compelling lore expansion, and smart utilization of characters & completion of character arcs for a satisfying ending.

And... it didn't deliver.

Firstly, let's get one of the big ones out of the way: it used a good ~10 minutes (?) of its runtime, which it could have used for doing something like 1.) a scene of characters who didn't get to interact much in the trilogy 2.) showing us why douxie and nari stopped running/them running at all 3.) my personal favorite, a scene of human jim coming home to his mom - and used it to give one of its side characters with the best character development I saw in the series... one of the grossest "comic relief" subplots I've seen in a long time. I would have rather Steve not been in the movie at all (like perhaps he heard arcadia was in danger and went to make sure his step-dad was okay) than seen that.

...Moving on.

What Douxie was able to do in the movie was good: he was VERY enjoyable to watch on-screen, and his big brother/baby sister dynamic with Nari was simply too precious.

But, like Wizards... it wasn't enough.

After finally getting his chance in the spotlight in the last installment, Douxie was sidelined and kept losing the people he loved left and right for what seemed to be for the mere sake of making him suffer (Nari dying as she killed Skrael/Archie getting stuck in the Hong Kong Trollmarket) when he'd already had to grieve Merlin in Wizards. He also doesn't use his most iconic item from Wizards: his spellcaster guitar. Sometimes, honestly, it seems like all he was there to do was 1.) suffer 2.) do spells (guitarlessly) to help people out and 3.) scream "NARI!"

(But Colin's voice acting DE👏LI👏VERED! Everyone's did, really. There were honestly alot of other aspects to the movie like voicework/animation/music that were really good and it sucks to see it dragged down by all the staggering missteps in writing.)

And arguably the worst aspect of that? His sidelining wasn't even unique to him; to me, every protagonist from the subsequent series' post-trollhunters seemed to be sidelined for the sake of Jim's spotlight.

Which wouldn't have been a problem... if it was used for any other confliction/crisis than him doubting being the trollhunter without the amulet, a question that was already answered in Trollhunters.

Aside from the fact that Jim felt strangely out of character, the whole ~confliction~ he had over being an amulet-less Trollhunter was redundant and felt unnecessary (I sort of wanted Merlin's ghost to show up and thwack him and say "WHAT DID I SAY!? WHAT DID I TELL YOU!?" and dip back out). In my opinion, a better confliction to explore would have been his connection to his humanity, which he'd just gotten back, or coping with what he'd done as a beast under the order's control. But instead, it badly recycled an old aspect of his arc that was already discussed in Unbecoming.

Besides Jim being what I never thought he'd be, an irritating and honestly sort-of unlikable protagonist, other characters were greatly underutilized as well.

...Especially Nomura.

First of all, they made the ridiculous decision to send two trolls with Douxie to Brazil in the daytime, knowing trolls TURN TO STONE IN THE SUN. But THEN, just for the sake of showing how deep Nari is under control, she pulls Nomura into the sunlight and shatters her when she gets petrified. It happens out of nowhere for complete & utter shock value.

To me, it seems like they brought in Nomura for the sake of having Nomura, and then they didn't know what to do with Nomura, so they killed Nomura.

And honestly, not knowing what to do with the characters and deciding to just nerf/kill them was this movie's whole thing.

But it's okay, because we have... the COP-OUT-ENDING-O-MATIC 3000! 🥳🎉

Oh, wait, sorry... the kronosfere.

[underwhelming party favor noise]

There's really no need to repeat myself on what it did - if you watched R*TT, my condolences you know what I'm talking about, and if you've read this far along, you're probably ticked about it too.

So, because of this little ball of SHAME AND BAD THINGS combined with Jim's edge-brood OOC-ness, not only did the movie give us underwhelming/unsatisfying/devastating-and-not-in-a-good-storytelling-way plotline and giving us so much that was... bad, it took away everything that was good - everything we loved. It was the second worst thing introduced in the story (the first is the entire garbage heap that is 7 kisses = MPreg (even though akiridions are projections from CORES)), and to be completely honest I WISH skrael and bellroc broke Nari and Douxie's spell before nari could say "kronosfere will make right"

(...AND the ninth configuration thing too tbh)

So... while Wizards spent the short time it had giving us something amazing, Rise of the Titans, instead of continuing to deliver on what Wizards couldn't fit in, squandered the potential it had as a finale and used its time to give us gross subplots/frustrating once decisions/underutilization, as well as to take everything else down with it at the very end with the Green Shame Orb.

And... yeah. Technically, it's not exactly two months post-ROTT anymore, because it's like 2 am on the 22nd, but I thought about this a lot felt compelled to share.

[esperanta-dragon]

I feel like there is a need to write down why so many people hate Sylvanas so much, me included. Maybe you can’t stand her too OR you love her and you don’t understand why the hell people can hate such an amazing character. Here is why. And I will try to write this down logically as possible. No “hur dur I hate her because she is a bitch!”. No, I will put down all things so you can understand. And one sad disclaimer... it’s not the character’s fault.

WHY WE STARTED TO LOVE HER

Sylvanas showed up in Warcraft III as a Ranger General of Quel’thalas. She was protecting her country for quite some time when Arthas attacked Eversong Woods in order to get to Sunwell and resurrect Kel’Thuzad as a lich. Sylvanas paid with her life and her soul to protect her people and her country. She was made banshee and was forced to do things against her will and serve the Scourge she hated. But she was still plotting her revenge, didn’t give up until the moment came and she took the chance. She reclaimed her body back and almost killed Arthas, and took over Lordaeron City. Then she took over the undead slowly freeing from the Lich King’s grasp and gave them a place where to stay, becoming their Queen. And since then, she was planning to kill the Lich King for good.

That’s why we loved her (I never did, I will explain that later why). She really kicked his ass. She slapped the Scourge in the face. She never gave up and was doing everything to achieve her goals, her revenge. There are not so many such strong female characters, so resolute. She was not good but also not evil, she was shady, she was not the boring good guy. So why the hell people hate her? She is perfect! Let’s go to what happened during and after WotLK... Because here it starts.

WRATH OF THE LICH KING

As I said, many people adore Sylvanas since Warcraft III. But they don’t understand the character is not the same. She was never good, she was an anti-hero, that’s the fact (the Ebon Blade are also anti-heroes and they are not bad, they just do necessary things to keep the Scourge in check). She was doing everything to take revenge on Arthas. And everything means that she had no problems walking over corpses of her allies. Causalities because of my fault? Pfft! No matter as long as the piece of trash sitting on the Frozen Throne will get what he deserves!

This was pretty much visible after Wrathgate when Varimathras and Putress tried to take over Undercity and Alliance and the Horde saw what she is doing inside the city. Still fine, it was in character, she was doing EVERYTHING to take revenge on Arthas. Everything. That’s why she existed, why she kept going. Even back then, I didn’t hate her. She was still a very well-written character. This is what a character in her position would do. 

But once everything was done, the Lich King was taken care of, she realized there is no point in her existence. She saw the Lich King was not destroyed. They only replaced him. So she threw herself from the Icecrown Citadel and fell on saronite spikes, the only thing that could definitely kill her.

And she ended up in a dark place. And the pain she felt was not like anything she felt before. It was the most horrible, the most inconsolable place. But val’kyras came down to her and sacrificed for her to get her back. Now we know what happened as we progress in the Shadowlands but... let’s say this was the beginning of the end for a good character Sylvanas once was. This was a start of cliché, inconsistency, and a great example that good characters should be allowed to go and leave so they can be remembered as a good characters.

WHAT CHANGED

Look, I came to WoW really late. I was playing on WotLK free servers as I could not afford to pay for official servers. But I knew the story in WotLK and I was still pretty ok with Sylvanas. I don’t remember hating her this much. She was well written.

It was Cataclysm Firelands patch when I finally could come to official servers. And Sylvanas was already doing pretty shady and disgusting stuff. I played Forsaken starting quest line so I know. Raising undead like the Lich King did? No problem for her. She even said she is like Arthas but she is working for the Horde (she never cared for them anyway, it was just more beneficial for her). What happened in Gilneas was not alright. Who gases the whole zone and making it inhabitable? Alright, let’s say Horde was expanding and Gilneas was next to Lordaeron. Alright. But back then, I finally dove deep into lore and I’ve noticed many people are really devoted to Sylvanas. It seemed almost like a cult. And every time I asked people, why they love this psyhopathic banshee, they were like: “She is my Queen! I love her, I would die for her! She is cool, she is taking care of us, she has a good heart!”

Something was amiss here... I couldn’t understand this. I couldn’t see what they saw. I saw a shady, ruthless and careless psychopath who is using her loyal subjects to save herself from something. And many people believed it even in BfA. Me and my friend had to show them excerpts from short stories where she say that “once they were arrows in her quiver, now they are bulwark against the darkness”. They couldn’t believe they loved Queen would not love them back!

But hey, still, I wanted to understand why people love her. I would understand if it would be still Warcraft III or WotLK, that’s fine. But Cata? Legion? BfA? Shadowlands? 

So I started reading all books, short stories where she was. Articles about her. I tried to catch the glimpse of why people loved her: the majority told me she is still good and has a good heart and she is an amazing person. But I didn’t see it. Maybe I am stupid and I don’t understand, I am missing something... So I kept studying, trying to see anything good in her, I was failing. I saw a character falling more down into a pit full of anger and hate. Her loyalists said she was an amazing creature, loving, caring.

And the more I was told by people that she is caring and she has a good heart, the more I was getting disgusted and angry because the more I was reading about her and the more her loyalists told me, the more I saw what Sylvanas is: inconsistent character.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH SYLVANAS

In one book she was written like this. In another book, she was written like that. In one quest it was like this, then it was like that. In one expansion she behaved this way, in the next expansion, it was that way. She was doing more and more twisted things and her loyalists kept telling me she has a good heart. My frustration was growing to the point I could not stand her. It felt like I’ve met the person I knew was torturing her friends but when I met them, they told me with bruises on their faces and definitely mentally abused that she is amazing and it’s not her fault, she is just misunderstood and I should love her too.

When she killed Liam Greymane, loyalists were like: “I have no clue why Genn hates her so much! That stupid dog should die!” Yeah right, somebody kills your son and destroys your home, you have no reason to be angry, it’s ok.

She burns down Teldrassil and they said: “Why Tyrande wants to kill her? I hope Sylvanas kills her first!” Sure, somebody burns down a city with thousands of innocent people, it’s fine, let them go, no hard feelings. And sometimes these people are able to justify her actions with: “But this is fantasy! There is different morale than in real world!” Please, guys, never ever write a story. Never touch it. You will end up like Steve Danuser making characters to behave like idiots and without emotions. Stay away. Please. Do world the favor.

I was trying really hard. Trying to figure out what kind of character she is. Find a pattern. Because you can write a chaotic character and still find a pattern and it can be still a consistent character. But Sylvanas? I felt more and more that not even Blizzard knows what to do with her, how to write her... she felt more and more inconsistent and out of place with every expansion. And you know what? That happens to characters which are kept in the story longer than they should. If character losts a meaning of their existence, there are only two options: you either let them go or you have to find them a new meaning. And in case of Sylvanas, the second option led to a narrative disaster.

We were told by Blizzard: “Don’t worry! Everything falls in place! It makes sense what she does!” But after the Sanctum of Domination finale? It was a big fat lie...

Before I come to the cinematic, let me tell you what made me hate her beyond every possible measure: her fandom.

HITLER HAD A GOOD HEART!

In Legion, she was doing shady stuff. But in BfA? She became a Hitler. She burned down Teldrassil because... IDK she snapped and wanted to show one elven archer that you can kill hope? And what kind of catapults she had has reach 20 km? What kind of catapults can burn down incredibly big tree SOAKED in water with thick bark. Was that azerite or... no, I am not gonna get angry. And I won’t even start with the b*shit Blizzard pulled: “Look, just because Sylvanas is right in front of Teldrassil doesn’t mean it was her who burned it down!” They had to lie to us to look that they can create a better story than what it actually is.

She destroyed Undercity so Forsaken lost their home. Is this how you take care of your subjects if you are loving and caring? I think not.

And with her actions, millions of souls from the whole cosmos are going right into the Maw for eternal suffering. And why? Because she was scared. Because instead of thinking about herself and trying to change, she rather schemed with the god of death... who was responsible for her misery. And even teamed with Kel’Thuzad, who was reason of her fate in the first place! And yet, after all this, after mass genocide, destroying souls, millions, maybe billions of souls are suffering because of her... and you can still tell me there is still good in her and she deserves redemption arch... And with love say: “She got us into this, she will get us out of this <3 ^_^” So somebody is making everybody suffer and some people are like “Ooooh it’s fine, I support her! I bet she will realize what she is doing and she will save us!” Would you say the same about Hitler? That he was misunderstood, he was trying to fix something that’s why he murdered millions of people? I am just asking what kind of people her loyalists are in real life.

I have a question... would you still love her if she was a man? Or decomposing undead? Or if she wouldn’t be sexy elf at all? If she would be ugly? I think we all know the answer (disclaimer, beautiful people are not always kind and nice, what a surprise). I bet she would be already killed or hated by majority of the community at least two expansions back. Why Garrosh had to stand trial for war crimes and Sylvanas doesn’t? To be honest, I never liked Garrosh, I hated him, but I never hated him as much I hate Sylvanas. He was at least consistent to his very last moment. But I am fed up by the fact that everybody keeps excusing what she does just because she is a sexy elf. This is not character I can respect. How can you say about such character that she is cool when you know she is commiting genocide? Let’s replace her with ugly elf and let’s see how many of you will still love her.

If you love her because she is a crazy homicidal maniac and you want her to do evil stuff, go ahead, nothing wrong with you, it’s fine. You love her because you think that she has a good heart and she is sending millions of souls into hell because she wants to help us? Take your pills and think twice before going on date with a manipulative person who will use you, beat you but will tell you they love you so much while cheating on you. Thanks.

If you are lying to yourself that she is good and has a good heart because you are afraid you wouldn’t like her anymore as a bad guy, then you love illusion you made around her, not the character itself. And you should seriously think if you really love the character if you need to change it that much in your mind to keep loving her.

GRAND FINALE

“If they are gonna give her redemption arch, I am gonna puke.” Many people told me, they would not. They are not gonna do it. She is beyond redemption, she is antagonist, period. Guess what, they did. The cheapest way possible.

Blizzard kept telling us everything will make sense in the end, why she did all these things. But it did not. And it only confirmed my greatest fear: Sylvanas is an inconsistent character since Cataclysm.

Sylvanas was afraid to go to the Maw. So she got an amazing idea. Let’s free the god of death, the malevolent creature trapped there because for sure he is suffering just like me, and injustice was done to him. He is the reason of my suffering because he made Helm of Domination and Frostmourne, that’s why I was killed and I am like this? I am sure he is a good guy, in the end, let’s remake reality so there is no life and death! That guy must be pretty ok. Oh wait his job is to torture souls? No, I don’t believe he is bad.

So when Jailer gets all he wanted, ofc he say that he will remake all reality and everybody will serve. And Sylvanas realizes: “Oh my, he is just like the Lich King! I didn’t want this! I will never serve!” Even she served him for the past few expansions. And suddenly she sees he is a bad guy. Suddenly.

And then, Jailer gives her half of her soul back... So... this is the explanation? She was doing all this because she was not whole? Is this an excuse for genocide? Now we will all feel sorry for her? Tell her it’s ok, you were not yourself?

I am saying this all the years and I will say it again: the Ebon Blade are order full of those with a fate like Sylvanas. The whole order. Multiple characters suffered under the Lich King like her, lost themselves, were made to kill their friends, their families. And they, too, took revenge on him. But instead of going crazy and trying to hurt everybody because they were hurt, they tried to help and protect people. Maybe they are missing part of their souls too. But are they running around, burning innocents, committing genocide? No. So please, the is no excuse, she was aware of what she was doing. I am not buying this and for sure this won’t make me feel sorry for her. It was her choice. You can be depressed and hurt into the very core and still decide not to be homicidal maniac.

Another annoying thing is, Blizzard kept telling us she is a master strategist and she is highly inteligent. Would a highly inteligent person try to help somebody responsible for her suffering? Being ok with them? There was not shown how come she is ok with the Jailer! Look I thought she is smart but after the cinematic, she does not look like that.

What was her plan anyway? Did she believe such creature won’t betray her, he won’t dump her? I was hoping he will dump her and kill her. That would be the only ending fitting for the character. I didn’t want another Kerrigan, I didn’t want redemption arch for her... I was hoping I will finally like her as a villain. Now I can’t... there is no way I will like her ever again because Blizzard probably can’t do just evil characters. There always must be something behind, some explanation why they are like this. “I was good this whole time!” And I am tired of this... Suddenly I like Garrosh because he was an asshole but he was consistent. He had a good ending. He “died” like a boss.

THEY SHOULD HAVE LET HER DIE

And I mean it. If they would let her go after WotLK, it would be a good ending for her. Tragic end for the tragic character. She fulfilled her purpose and she would be remembered as a good consistent character. But she is making a lot of money, many people love her (not anymore, even people who liked her hate her now and her fanbase is getting smaller) so Blizzard decided they have to milk her as much as possible.

I think everything good should come to an end. “You would either die as a hero or live long enough to become a villain.” In this case “You would either die as a good character or live long enough to become inconsistent and annoying character.” And it happened.

Remember how people were angry how Thrall is getting a lot of attention in Cata? Haha, good old times. How about Sylvanas in 3 expansion cinematics (and some side cinematics like Reckoning, etc) and 2 expansions fully focusing on her (and some other expansions where she is a lot too). How about the 15th figure in a row. And 4th Blizzcon art. And I can keep going.

Metzen had favorite characters... but they were never overused as much as Sylvanas. Vol’jin was warchief for 1 expansion where he did nothing and then he died so she could take lead in story. So many characters are forgotten, pushed down so she can be on the spotlight. And I am sick of it. This is not single player, this is MMORPG. The world feels ridiculously small thanks to this, we have more characters than Sylvanas + 5 characters they keep using and recycling all the time.

And keep using Sylvanas and putting her into the spotlight all the time did not help. You can start hating character you liked before just because you have enough of them and you want to see other characters. This world has a big potential. So many characters are unused because of Sylvanas. Because the lead narrative designer loves her so much that he had to make her the main character of WoW and doesn’t care there is a whole world to take care of. And he does the worst job possible. Because he tried to make her complicated and complex and in the end he was just trying to make it look like that but it didn’t work out. It was just inconsistent. It didn’t fall in place.

Her plot armor is so laughable and it’s the most annoying thing about Sylvanas. How characters around her are so stupid and dumb so they can let her do such stuff (hello Horde in BfA). The whole universe and Blizzard especially is protecting Sylvanas of any harm. How can you like such character when it behaves like Mary Sue? I didn’t want to see cinematic how she comes and beat up really powerful guy without any issues. You know how interesting would be if Four Horsemen managed to arrive earlier and they wouldn’t know if to fight the Lich King or Sylvanas? No, Blizzard wanted to show lady Sylvanas Plotarmor.

And the worst thing is, I feel like Shadowlands are my last expansion in WoW. This is where the story ends for me. And I know that many characters won’t get resolution, many story arcs will never close because they’ve put too much effort to work on Sylvanas and ignore other characters. So many characters could have met. Lore in Shadowlands could have been expanded about The Scourge, death knights, rune magic, etc... it did not. 

So no, Sylvanas is not one of the best characters created. If this is the best WoW can muster then there is nothing to be proud of. We would have good or better characters if Blizzard tried to work with more characters and give them space and a chance to develop. But we will never have them because Sylvanas took the spotlight.

Sylvanas for me is the character who will be put on guidelines on how to not use a character. This character will be perfect for DO NOT character development guidelines. And the whole story of WoW at least in BfA and Shadowlands is a great example of how to destroy the world with an amazing setting and characters. 

I hope I’ve made this clear why many people hate her. Because it’s much more complex problem. This character was misused, written horribly, overused, was given a poor and cheap story arch, made look stupid and it no longer makes sense. And on top of that, many characters will never get a resolution, many storylines won’t be finished because all story was focused on her and not on the world. World which was supposed to be “everybody’s story” was made story about Sylvanas. Just because she sells.

Good job Danuser, I hope you are happy.

Tl;Dr: Sylvanas is inconsistent since Cataclysm because Blizzard tried to make her complex character artificially and failed horribly. She should have died after WotLK and never made Warchief. They should have let her go so we can remember her as a good consistent character

P.S.: I am not native speaker, sorry for grammar errors.

[macgyvertape]

thoughts on season of splicer ending

warning: spoilers for the entire season, general discussion of leaks, and absolutely being Bungie critical. Basically trying to write this out and figure out my own thoughts in the writing

I guess my first thoughts are what everyone's talking about: Osiris.

All the wild theories about if he's been replaced, controlled, playing 5d chess, etc. tldr: leaks say that from season of the Hunt it hasn't been Osiris but Savathun. Yeah I've read people's compilations of proof until I rapidly got bored with them. I'll be bluntly honest, if Bungie is going for some sort of imposter story-line then they're doing a fucking awful job at telling it.

a) A good imposter story-line needs to establish to the audience that there is the possibility or replacement/control

b) characters in the story themselves should be aware of point A and be actively considering it in their decision making

c) if the imposter is doing something the original didn't than clearly show audience the imposter is there.

I would say Bungie didn't do any of these, no the lore page of Savathun's human disguise falling apart around her doesn't count, because Bungie has long had a problem of putting story relevant plot details in lore pages and then not referencing them ingame. Lore should accentuate story, not provide key details to the story.

If you want to see a good imposter story-line look at Forsaken, and how they worked to make it obvious to someone who didn't know who Mara Sov was that something was up.

Most of the proof people cite is either cherry picking ambiguous things Osiris has said, or pointing out inconsistencies in writing. IMO not much of the evidence holds up because multiple characters this season (Saint, Lakshmi, Mithrax) have been written inconsistently with past appearances and without nuance; because their character has to carry the plot in a certain way or there are limits on recording dialogue for override/expunge.

My point in recapping the Osiris thing, is that from a thematic view at the end of the season Osiris is Osiris and I'm judging the story from the view of the season not how will the story be in the future.

very cynical take that as much praise as Bungie wants for working to make a high profile gay relationship be shown in game after a writer confirmed it on twitter

if leaks are right: if  Osiris hasn't been Osiris for the past 3 seasons then none of the scenes with Saint are real or matter, and it invalidates all the emotional grief of Sagira being dead. It's 3 seasons of character development and effort wasted

or: they took the first chance they could to make one of them an unsympathetic villain and write him out of the story.

(yeah destiny has other queer character but how many of them are alive and matter to the story? When was the last time Ana's girlfriend was mentioned?)

The game is clear that for all the talk about "vex tech influence" Lakshmi's views and choices were her own, so the same for Osiris: he is responsible for helping Lakshmi and is responsible for all the civilian deaths, he's the 2ndary Human villain of the season.

Which brings me to my point (that I've seen others say) is that Bungie should have given a second thought to having their all of their human antagonists be PoC characters this expansion. Osiris, Lakshmi, and Saladin last season. For Lakshmi and Saladin they weren't just antagonists, they were written to be bigots for the community to dislike. Yes Destiny has a lot of PoC characters and anyone can be a villain, but IMO its a bad look from a company who talks so much about social justice. It wouldn't matter except Bungie wanted the message of the season to be anti-racism, and I'm comparing it within the context of how often minorities are the villains in games/US media. I don't think it was deliberately done, I just think it is something that like last season's issues with proving grounds and antisemitism they didn't care or bother with a sensitivity reader.

It's obvious this season they were going for a very obvious reference to Trump and modern day fears about refugees with Lakshmi, and it's a bad look that they did with a Indian female character and refugees are the enemy crab aliens. I'm also not saying that female characters can't be villains, but did the Bungie writers not think about just how nasty gamers would get in either slurs, insults, or expressing wishes for violence, and how pervasive and visible it would be?

I'm genuinely curious why the writers went for such a heavy handed analogy, and a story-line that feels like it comes from an afterschool special. The Eliksni have been enemies in atleast 4 expansions now, there could have been a more nuanced story other than "House of Light is good keep on killing all other Fallen". At the end of the season the game treated the attack on the City being Lakshmi and Osiris' fault, and all the people who don't like the Eliksni (say the people doing hate crimes in the lore) left with the factions so "problem resolved" . Lakshmi gets a simple karmatic death, in an area where multiple reddit threads express how they love tbagging the corpse. The ending cutscene didn't feel super inspiring to me it just felt unrealistic not just in real life where things aren't that simple but also within Destiny's story; the "you are my family" line felt cringe to me, probably because it felt unearned.

That's kind of the problem of the season isn't it, that the earliest planned game based decisions like having a Vex seasonal enemy and getting rid of the Factions determined the cast of characters with ties to the Vex and factions. So you just fight x many Vex bosses until you defeat Quria, then there's a break for Solstace, but on Reset-Tuesday with no warning things escalate because its epilogue time.

Sadly I forget who said that "it felt like the plot needed to hit one beat a week" meaning one issue had to get resolved enough for the community to talk about (except for when we take 3 weeks off for solstice). Each week there has to be some sort of hook to avoid the overblown "content drought". So multiple times you will have characters change their mind or their deep held beliefs after one counter argument is presented. (big example is Saint changing his mind not over the season but after one cutscene). City politics and factions don't matter aside from dialogue in a few different weeks because they'll be gone at the end of the season but in the meantime characters needed to talk about something to prompt fandom engagement. example: the fandom argues about governance of the last city for a while before the argument burn out since the relevant lore wasn't designed to hold up to close scrutiny.

just, I'm a politically active leftist in a red conservative state so maybe i just find this exhausting since I deal with similar issues irl and am more prone to thinking this season was tone deaf.

tldr: that wow this turned out really negative. Which I didn't really expect considering how much I enjoyed the first few weeks of the season. I enjoyed a lot of the gameplay this season (I really enjoy fun gambit aka Overrides and VoG). But as for replaying the story on my other characters, I don't think I'll bother.

[drkineildwicks]

Why do we like Pokemon?

Just listened to an Extra Credits video titled “The Economics of Obsession” and while it was interesting it also reminded me of a question I wanted to ask:

What do you like about Pokemon?  What parts, when you break it down, are what you like?

Is it the collecting?  The exploring?  The battle mechanics?  The cute and cool monsters?

I don’t think, for a lot of people, it’s simply that, because if that were the case there wouldn’t be such slavish devotion to the franchise when alternatives such as Temtem and Nexomon exist.  Rather than be excited at seeing a new one come out, Pokemon fans tend to dismiss these games as Pokemon clones and pass on them.

Me, personally, I think it’s the potential.  Pokemon, over the last several decades, has presented itself as this whole other world with functioning ecosystems and economics and jobs and cities based around human symbiosis with Pokemon.  It’s an expansive world where exploring is encouraged, and as someone who is seized with an innate desire to go tromping through strange forests, that hits me nice and deep.

But I also like the lore.  I cut my teeth on RSE, and discovering the Regis, this surprise out in the middle of nowhere that rewarded my exploration, that required puzzle-solving to even get to, is still one of my favorite memories of it.

I like the feedback loop of the RSE contests.  Berry-growing was fun, as was the Pokeblock-making, and then training my Pokemon to be good at both contests and battling?  I liked the change of pace from the set grind.

I LOVE the exploration and feeling of discovery.  Nine times out of ten when I think of my favorite moments in Pokemon games it’s the thoughts of exploring new routes, finding new secrets in old routes, encountering different Pokemon.

I think what started my thinking of this was my latest play session on Legends Arceus.  I love the exploring in this game, I love wandering around and collecting items and filling out the Pokedex (completing tasks scratches that collecting itch).  I was up where the Stantler are in the Obsidian Fieldlands trying to complete tasks for them when I saw a flash of orange.  I go sneaking up thinking it’s a Buizel and ready to laugh at a glitch--

It was a Chimchar.

The Chimchar line is not my favorite line.  It’s not even one of my liked lines.  But when I saw that Chimchar I had to pause my game so I could scream and flail at even seeing one--then save so I could try to catch it (I did and was SO THRILLED).

And that moment got me to thinking--if Pokemon could get me that excited at catching a Pokemon I don’t even care for...then we don’t exactly need new Pokemon.  We don’t even need a new region.  Legends is such a thrill to me after a decade of milquetoast because it’s a fresh, interesting take to me.  It lets us offroad while still ensuring we stay in the neighborhood of the story tasks (if it were fully open world my tail would have been seeing about scaling Mt. Coronet long before even getting the deer) and gives us a compelling reason to seek out all Pokemon and use them outside of documenting them in a Pokedex.  RSE and Colosseum were fun to me because they either had the option to change things up or were completely different from the usual standard of Pokemon. FRLG, despite being remakes of Gen I, were bland to me in comparison because I wasn’t interested in the core game loop of simply challenging the League.

We don’t need new gimmicks, or regions, or Pokemon.  Legends and RSE and Colosseum and Snap all show that interacting with the formula in a fresh, different way works so long as it scratches those core feelings of exploration, collecting, and companionship.  We take Furrets and Dustox and Bibarel to the Elite Four because we bond with them.  We go daft over being able to feed and pet and pamper our Pokemon because we bond with them.  We barge into strangers’ houses and root through their trash because the games reward exploring every nook and cranny.  We surf and rock-climb and bike all over because of that core need to explore, to find out what new thing is hiding around the corner.

To me, it’s not the core gameplay loop of battle the league to win that hooks me.  Nor is the story the hook--RSE’s story worked because it was spaced out between long bouts of exploration, and Colosseum’s worked because that was the main focus and therefore had to be compelling; there’s no meandering along trails in Colosseum.  For me, the hook is the exploration, and discovering the other fun things you can do with your Pokemon such as contests and races and picnics.

So I’ll ask you again: why do you like Pokemon?

[highladyofprythian]

Rhys picking Feyre up from univesity drabble

Thus Prythian was split into the seven courts…

When my eyes flutter open, the words in front of me are distorted, on the verge of blurry with my face pressed against the pages. There’s a sharp pain in the back of my neck and my thighs ache from sitting for so long.

Sitting up, I groan as I stretch out my legs, pulling my head to one side to relieve the pain there. Even still, the left side of my face is numb from being pressed against the table’s surface for so long. I scan the library quickly, my Fae ears not picking up the sounds of other students. Odd, considering I only started reading just as the sun went down, the library full of other students. But now, only the soft creek of settling floorboards and my breathing can be heard.

The room is dark, my faelight burnt down to embers, barely enough light to see three feet in front of me, let alone navigate the expansive library. Sighing, I stand up, willing my exhausted magic to fill the faelight again, just enough to guide me and pack my things away.

I pack my book away into the leather rucksack Rhys gifted me last Solstice, along with the charcoal pencils and paper scattered around. Studying, I’ve found, has left me prone to doodling while I concentrate. Little images of flowers, Nyx’s eyes, utterly random shapes. It’s difficult to sit idle, while some ancient wizened Fae drones on in the front of a grand lecture hall about the trade routes between Courts.

The clock chimes in the silence, frightening me so much I jump, pencils clattering to the floor. Grumbling, I bend to retrieve them, but snap back up when I only hear three chimes. Three? But-

Wildly, I whip my head around, determined that other students only left to eat dinner… I couldn’t have been asleep that long. But again, I hear nothing.

I’ve been asleep for hours… oh gods, Nyx.

I tug hard on the bond between Rhys and I, not caring if I wake him from sleep. I need to know if my son is ok.

Good morning, Feyre darling, his voice thick with sleep drawls in my head.

Before I can ask him, he calms my racing thoughts, my shield falling from my panic and lack of proper sleep. The baby is fine, he fell asleep hours ago. As did you, clearly. His dark laughter fills my head, only irritating me further.

You didn’t think to wake me up? I snap at him.

Couldn’t disturb you being so studious, now could I? His tone is amused as he goes on, And besides, I am capable of parenting our child without you.

I soften, melting at the image Rhys sends me of Nyx cradled in his arms, his head resting against Rhys’ bare chest as he bottle feeds him.

I hope you ate too, High Lord. I gripe back, still irritated with him. The stress of the baby’s birth and potential fallout with Autumn has put Rhys on edge, falling back into bad habits of forgetting to eat his meals.

Of course, High Lady. Couldn’t risk falling asleep in my study with the baby home. Infinitely amused, he continues to make fun of me.

If I remember correctly, you were the one to encourage me to attend university. Such is the life of a poor student… I lament, matching his dramatics.

If only because the thought of you sitting in a lecture halls and writing essays does wicked things to me.

What doesn’t? I retort, sending him a rude gesture down the bond. He just laughs, thinking of more creative uses for my hand.

Pig, I say as I finally find my pencil and tie my rucksack together. The faelight follows me as I walk out the grand double doors to the library, illuminating the path ahead.

You love it, his voice and my feet padding along the marble flooring the only sounds to be heard. Truly I somehow managed to sleep through students leaving for dinner, chatting amongst themselves. Even the Fae who do nightly patrolling of the library.

I doubt even the toughest of security guards would want to wake the High Lady, says Rhys. This late at night, I don’t bother putting up my shields, enjoying the simply intimacy of Rhys hearing my thoughts, sharing each moment with me. Even I don’t dare to do that, he continues.

I snort aloud, startling myself. Only when you wake me up creatively… I send him an image of us, him beneath the sheets, my hands gripping the pillow beneath my head.

I don’t think the guards would wake you up quite like that, his mental voice is a little strained. I can see through his eyes that he’s sat up in bed, the sheets pooled around his hips, revealing only a tantalizing shadow but no more.

I follow the path down the winding stairs, the sconces along the stone walls are blown out for the night, the gentle gold of the faelight flickering. The history in these walls is deep, thousand of years of Fae scholars shared this space, writing laws that still preside of Prythian today. Rhysand’s own family, High Lord’s of Night Court past sheltered together, the wards of Velaris being set up as they studied through the night.

And a painting comes to mind, of ancient Fae, gathered in a library of old, heads bent together, scroll after scroll of lore and history being recorded. One day, Rhys himself will stand beside them.

I like to think I’m not stuffy and old yet, darling. His voices brings me back, and I’m greeted by the sight of the university’s large, ornate double doors shut to the elements, no light peeking through the wood.

Yet? Says the five-hundred-year-old with bad knees, I tease as I pull on the large, iron door handle. Amongst the alumni it’s said that the iron handles and sconces were built into the building to ward away evil Fae spirits. However I, and other students have far fonder memories attached. And I’m reminded of my first week here, students rushing past me, completely bare as they ran through the ancient hallways, attempting to touch each piece of iron before their competitors, to then be greeted by a slew of cheers and applause when they completed the course. Even I partook in the spirit of unvieristy, and I’m blushing just thinking about it again.

Shame I wasn’t there, Rhys says, showing me a picture of his own days in the university. A buck-naked Illyiran warrior flouncing down the hallways, outrunning everyone, of course.

I could say the same. Though I don’t think we would’ve studied well together. The heavy doors open to an inky black night, the snow on the ground stark white in contrast.

“Considering your success at reading, I think we would have made exceptionally good study partners.” Rhys’ midnight voice floats through the air, making me jump again.

I huff at him, “You scared me! What are you doing up?” And another more pressing thought, “Who’s minding the baby?” I begin to run towards the river house, though the jog across from the university to the house would take thirty-minutes by foot.

Rhys behind me laughs, and I hear his wings flare wide before he takes me in his arms, pushing off the ground and up, up into the night sky. The air rushes past my face and I revel in the sensation, loving the icy cold against my faelight warmed skin.

Once we find a cruising altitude, Rhys answers me. “Mor is at the house, he’s fast asleep.” His voice caresses my neck and I shiver, though not from the cold. “And I’m here to pick up my star-pupil, lest she fall asleep on herself mid-flight. Again.”

“I had just had a baby! Your baby! And I didn’t fall asleep I simply closed my eyes.”

“And careened straight into a tree.”

I whack my palms against his chest in retaliation, but he’s not wrong. I was only two months post birth and pelvic-reconstruction. I needed to simply pick up something from the market and Rhys was out on business. So, I shifted into my wings and took flight; but that evening Nyx had been up crying and I only managed to sleep for an hour before he was up, happily chatting his baby nonsense about the sun being in the sky once again. I had closed my eyes briefly… and both Rhysand and Azriel still make fun of me. Azriel more so, between fits of chuckling telling me ‘I thought I trained you better than that,’.

I nestle into his arms, sleep clouding my eyes once again, but even after two years, the sight of candle-lit Velaris twinkling against the night sky, cradled betwixt the mountain rages, makes me sigh in wonder, never wanting to close my eyes.

“Sleep, Feyre. You have an early lecture in the morning, wouldn’t want the Professor to catch you drooling on the table.”

I snort weakly, partially asleep once again. “Reminiscing about your own days at university, old man?” His laugh rumbles in his chest, lulling me fully into sleep.

When we land, I wake just enough to kiss Nyx’s little forehead while he sleeps soundly before Rhys picks me up again, places me on our bed and I dream of Rhys after his first war, young by Fae standards, studying the night away in the very same library I slept.  

[monday-headache]

Hey Simon! Thank you for the amazing ask <3 Right back at you:

I love that you're writing/arting about characters that have never met in canon (Gaige and Sasha, Fiona and Scarlett). What drew you to writing these characters together? And are there any more that you'd love to explore one day? :D

Hey Sarah, glad it made you smile. I want to have more interaction with the fandom so I’ll try to make this a regular, so please be free to send me questions whenever. I’d love to read your thoughts ;)

And Omg, that’s a fantastic question as well but, be aware, this is gonna be an essay as well.

Mhh where to start, where to start.

So first things first, My headcanon of why I think Gaige and Sasha would be best friends started a pretty long while ago, way before I even got gently pushed towards the Idea of really starting to write about it in the first place. Because you must know, even though Strays is my first longshot, it is also my very first fanfc I’ve ever written in like ever. So no matter how shitty, great or whatever it will turn out to be or how well others will be, Strays has and will always have a special place in my heart. And I’m not gonna rush things either, even when the fandom will die out, my Ideas for it will flow ;)

But yeah how it started. To put it simply Gaige was my first character In Borderlands ever that I played myself. I knew about the Lore of 1 and I’ve played 1 with a friend by the time it came out, but I played 1 myself AFTER I finished 2 So that may be a big reason, why I have such an open spot for Gaige. But also because she is fun, quirky extreme, punky, loves robots and tech... to put it simple a lot of traits I really love about a character. Her backstory with the science fair was so fresh and funny, and it may be one of my favorite spoken dialogue interactions heard over echo cassette’s

Then after Bl2 my love for Borderlands continued, played 1, played TPS and then... There was Tales, and by god do I loved Tales, and I hella still do. You probably know the feeling yourself. And with the love for the game, came a huge love for it’s cast. Like seriously I think besides Tector there isn’t really a character where I was going like, “ugh this one is trash” on the contrary. And besides my obvious love for the main 2 characters, there was a big love for the Deutagonist’s of this masterpiece. Namely Sasha and Loaderbot.

Loaderbot may have officially taken the spot for me as most favorite Robot in video game history ever (and Gortys for the most precious character ever). Like his whole segment of kidnapping them, forcing them to tell the truth, only to show how much he had grieved, how betrayed he felt and that he did all of tha  for his loved ones. Man say what you will about him, but damn he was written perfectly. I was blown away.

Secondly is of course, as you might have guessed it Sasha. I could go lengths for her too, how much I love and admire her character, how real she felt as a sister, a pandoran and last but not least as a human. Sasha felt to me like the most well rounded out character of the 6 (pls don’t hate me for it guys) From the punk rebellious attitude, to learning that she had an anti Hyperion pirate radio, that she used to broadcast bad things that happens in her neighbourhood, to her adapting her morals and learn that even in the most corrupt organisations there are still normal people struggling with their own life, and then progressing from it. And lastly after everything was at loss, the money the plan, she was willing to sacrifice her whole life for a dear friend/s, even on her dying breath putting both Rhys and her Sister at ease and in her last moments. Amazing.

Oooh boy and that was just the prelude to it all XD

After that I noticed a lot of similarities, between characters. Sasha and Loaderbot for instance are both pragmatic, put the lives of their loved ones over their own, love tech, are socially open people while holding back on information and emotion. Not to mention the scenes in 2 and 3 and also 4 and 5 where it is slightly hinted how well Sasha and Loaderbot work together, without sharing much words. So naturally the Idea was born that Sash and LB became quite close.

And the same goes for Sasha and Gaige. I was actually surprised that nobody (not entirely true, I saw one fanart of it) seemed to made that connection before as it was so obvious to me. So basically Sasha is a softer version of Gaige, in many terms. They both have a big heart for tech and especially guns. They both hosted a small radio broadcast that blew up in their region over night. Both are anarchist’s who spread the word for awareness, how fucked up the company war actually is. Both are not really good at their aim. Both call robots as their closes’t friends. Both share a deep hatred for Handsome Jack and his doings. Both fought a giant ass Vault Monster and nearly died in the process of doing so. Both got screwed up big time and now have a huge bounty on their head... So you see the list goes on, and honestly the more I write them, the more similarities I notice, both hc wise and canon wise. So there more I thought about it, and noticed similarites the more I fell in love with the Idea of them becoming close. And from there the Idea was born, that they probably met on a job ( the most likely scenario in the Borderlands universe). It had to be before BL3 of course, and to be after Tales naturally so that only put one timeline in the focus, Commander Lillith.

To be honest, I didn’t expect everything turning out so big. Like seriously I orifinally planed like 8k words or so. Now I’m dangling on the Idea of having 13 chapters and a big ass finally, a neat wrap up of everything and even a possible epilogue XD Yeah, that wasn’t what I expected either but damn do I love doing it.

Like seriously my headcanons only just gotten bigger and bigger. From a whole nebula system in the galaxy, to regions I created in my own mind for it, to even complex backstorys. Like why Sasha wears a headband, why she loves guns so much, what happened to her and Fi’s parents, why she was raised by her aunt, what does Felix have to do with it, Why Gaige has this kicks of both sudden depression and manical behavior. Why she’s so close to her dad, but her mom wasn’t even mentioned once (but teased), why she wanted to become a wedding planer, and why she is so obsessed with robots and margarita mix. I think one day, this thing will turn into a tabletop game or something XD

So estimated 20k words on my answer later and now we are going for my own created ship Scarleona. Don’t worry, as much as I like to gosh about that too, it wont take as long I prommy.

Scarleona was created in a sudden urge while thinking about what happpend to Fiona while Strays happened. And similar to Gaige and Sasha, Scarleona was born from a dynamic. Especially of those from two Ladybosses with Silvertongue and speech 100XD Fiona and Scarlett may have become my favorite Fiona ship (no offense everybody) because of how well they play off each other. Fiona is a con artist, her whole life she was used to swindle, to play it cool and by ear, go with the flow, and expect the unexpected. So here core idea is that she is manupulating people by LYING to them.

Scarlett on the other hand is similar while also the complete opposite to it. She is backstabby, plays with her charm and most importantly she is dead honest while tricking people. In fact even so honest that people don’t even realised that they got tricked even though she told it several times before. And this dynamic is so fascinating to me. You see, Fiona has almost an answer an action for everything prepared, but the idea that her winning honesty, is mind puzzling to Fiona is so perfect. @michellespenscratchz wrote me a drabble several months ago and I think that line describes it just perfect

“So, let me see if I got this straight,” Fiona tilted her head inquisitively at Captain Scarlett. “You needed these Vault Hunters’ help to find this treasure for you. So you…just asked them?”

“That’s right.” Scarlett nodded, inspecting her hook nonchalantly.

“Even though they knew you wanted it for yourself?” Fiona asked.

“Indeed,” Scarlett replied.

“And they…” Fiona blinked, “…knew you planned on fighting them for it once they had it.”

“Of course they did,” Scarlett shrugged. “I told them as much.”

“You told them?”

“Yes.”

“And they helped you anyway?”

“Precisely.” Scarlett turned her hat against the blistering wind. “I fear I don’t quite grasp what about this is so difficult to grasp, Fiona dear.”

“Huh.” Fiona cast her gaze out across the expanse of Pandoran horizon. “I guess I just gotta–I dunno–rethink my whole life right now.”

So yeah, that was basically it. I kinda diagressed and didn’t want to hurt your eyes more looking at the long ass text, but please if you have some more questions to it, pls hit me. I love to gosh about it <3

And thank you so much <3 This was hella fun