#good ol' monster banger scene

[the141s]

ngl feel like I gotta bring it up but:

wanting to bone zombie! simon "ghost" riley is 💫 teratophilia 💫 and not necessarily necrophilia, babes.

zombies are technically still living despite their decaying bodies and to an extent- sentient.

in Simon's case, he still definitely has sentience proven by the fact he can do everything when he was a living man but talk bc of his jaw. [and the promo video quite literally proves it too.]

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 21 thoughts

now i may have accidentally learned what happens in this episode before i watched it which is why i try very hard to not peek at other blogs BUT. the episode certainly still delivered. return of the lizard man!!! i had forgotten about his yellow lizard eyes and shapeshifting. charming fellow.

anyway it's only been a few months since lizard man eugene tooms broke into scully's house (i think, time is confusing in this show) but they say he has been SUCH a good boy it's time for him to be released. to which i say: was breaking into her house not a massive deal? it is written off as "misplaced anger"... the fuck?!?

and scully is being reprimanded by her bosses, who say her reports don't play by the rules! but she shuts them up with her successful conviction rate. yeah of course they aren't playing by the book they're hunting bigfoot???

mulder testifies at his hearing because he spent 3 years working for the behavioral science unit profiling serial killers. now i feel that in any case involving an attack on scully, he's not the most objective guy to bring to the table. and he sure wasn't!

he openly claims that tooms is a hibernating century old lizard monster. ah, mulder, your honestly is refreshing and underappreciated. the judges think he is crazy.

scully rolls up and basically says that he also sounds crazy, to which he replies "i don't care how it sounds as long as it's the truth'' self-image be damned! spooky mulder wants answers (love his ongoing dedication to Truth as an overarching theme throughout this show. big fan)

scully just got yelled at by her bosses for not being by the book enough so she's hesitant to get involved, and mulder came out of the gate with a banger line here:

"look scully, if you're resistant because you don't believe, i'll respect that, but if you're resistant because of some bureaucratic pressure, they've not only reeled you in, but already skinned you" <- i gasped and said "get her ass" (sorry scully but i agree with him just this once!)

tooms picked up a dead rat and then licked his fingers which is Normal Behavior!

he also saw a pretty woman and began shifting into Lizard Mode, but before he could strike, mulder is on the scene! he asks tooms to help him find his elkhound named heinrich, which he uses to hunt moose

(now, to me, this line revealed some key information: fox mulder was DEFINITELY a theatre kid who took improv games VERY seriously. because where else could that even come from?)

old man says he knows where the body from the 1930's murder is and this is not treated as suspicious but shocker! he's right!

this moment also gave us scully in a big ol' coat and safety googles, which was entirely a look <3

next mister eugene tooms stakes out the house of a businessman, where mulder has followed without authorization... he begins to sneak in through the sewer to come and get the wife! who was distracted by her baby! to which i wrote the following:

"NAUR HE'S GONNA COME UP THROUGH THE TOILET NOOOOOOO don't have kids they will distract you from the lizard man climbing up your toilet to eat you"

solid advice i think we all can apply in our daily lives

(i also noted that mulder looks very at home in a shady alleyway but we don't need to analyze that right now)

then i wrote "i really hate this lizard man" which speaks for itself

scully shows up after mulder has spent 3 straight days in his car. she says mulder, your car fucking stinks. i will bring you a sandwich. you haven't slept in 3 days. let me take over.

he says he doesn't care about his career!!!! he just doesn't want her to break the rules and get a mark on her file by getting involved in an unauthorized stakeout!!!! what!!!! fuck!!!

WE GET OUR FIRST TIME SCULLY CALLS HIM FOX!!!! he laughs at this and said he even made his PARENTS call him mulder so she adjusts herself and says mulder, she wouldn't put herself on the line for anyone else AUGGHHHHHHHHH MELTING INTO A PUDDLE. THERE IS A PUDDLE NOW WHERE ONCE I STOOD.

she brought him a sandwich but he says "if there's an iced tea in that bag, could be love"

(love? the subject of love, spoken between OUR mulder and scully? at this very hour, by a man delirious from no sleep? i held my breath)

"must be fate", she says, and hands him a root beer <- LMAOOOOO the writers got my ass with that one... i fell entirely for their trap

before she heads for the stakeout he SO earnestly tells her that at 11:30 there is a sports talk radio show and leaves her with the silliest smile like :) which DID cause me to giggle. ugh he's SUCH a nerd.

but noooo the lizard man is in his caaaaar!

scully brought some magazines for her stakeout. once again NEED to know what she is reading in her free time.

cut scene back to mulder's place. whyyyyy does this man SLEEP on his COUCH?? have we investigated THAT mystery??? oh fuck he looks sooooo cozy though

lizard man cut his own face to frame mulder which made me GAG EWWWWW

their bosses say mulder has been forbidden from anymore tooms investigating since he has been framed for attacking him... they tell him to take a long vacation and he was very close to getting fired... aughhh i mean i DO want to see him take a vacation so we can get our beach episode but! stop being mean to him :(

the doctor assigned to deal with lizard man seems so nice only to get eaten. sad!

mulder IMMEDIATELY gets back on the case after the newest murder despite being told maybe 5 minutes ago his job is on the line. lol. lmao, even.

they go to the site of lizard man's old nest which is now a fancy building and mulder takes off his jacket and tie to crawl in the vents. okay but he didn't have to make it sensual. but he did. without trying. it was probably the last thing on his mind. and here we are. everyone say thank you mulder <3

sewer man ATTACKS in the SEWERS! a likely place for him to be.

LMAOOOOOO THEY KILLED HIM WITH AN ESCALATOR i knew that was gonna happen but did it make it any less funny? no!!!!

the episode ends with mulder staring at a caterpillar in a cocoon and he says that a change for him and scully is coming... okayyy cryptic <3

(i would have expected them both to be heavily triggered by the sight of a cocoon but they seem well-adjusted)

so there was no addressing of the previous bug incident from the last episode which i expected but was a little disappointed by because the bugs cocooned them and i wanted to see what that fallout was. alas i have come to accept the timeskip format

(but like. aren't you curious about their quarantine? how long it took for them to feel better? what the recovery procedure was? no? just me? well alright then)

it was a good episode! glad we got to see mulder's improv skills, our first (and maybe last?) time scully called him "fox", more sleeping on the couch, an end to lizard man's reign of terror, and their undying loyalty to one another that i drink in like ambrosia. and i only have 3 episodes left of s1!!! what could those cryptic last words to the caterpillar mean....? we must stay tuned to find out!

[mrultra100]

Even with how I doubt myself, along with all of the other Pokemon that I love and can’t put into a team, this is now my own personal team of 6, all based on not only my tastes, but also things like personal experience, aesthetics that I like, some special quirk to them like a certain Ability or move, that sorta jazz.

Hisuian Samurott- It was very hard for me to decide my favorite starter. Skeledirge, Venussur, Incineroar, and Swampert were all good contenders. But, at the end of the day, the spiky-shelled otter samurai managed to win out. Part of why I loved Legends: Arceus was how it went about with the new regional forms being a good majority of new Pokémon, and that rings true for the first starter-based regional forms in the series. While I considered regular Samurott to be a alright Pokemon, it doesn’t have enough of the same charm for it to be on the same rank as favorites like the aforementioned Venusaur and Skeledirge. The Hisuian variant completely flips the script on that, by turning Samurott into a much more spikier, samurai-focused, Water/Dark bruiser. The design and pattern of its shell, along with its mustache, have made this Pokemon a lot better. If we get more Legends games with regional final evos like this, I’ll be all for it.

Pincurchin- Of course, my favorite Pokémon just HAD to be here, and I’m not complaining about a single bit of it. Pincurchin is a banger in of itself. Yes, it does look weak, but this is my team, I make the rules here. If you do it right, a Pincurchin is able to be a pint-powerhouse in its own right. I’ve had this Pokémon for both my Shield and Scarlet teams, so I know what I’m talking about. Also, it’s cute as a button. Gotta give it extra “points” for that. (Yes, I couldn’t resist making a stupid sea urchin pun, I’m not sorry)

Tyrantrum- As dinosaur-crazy as I am, Tyrantrum was actually what got me into being really into T. Rex. Long before the days of the lipped, sparely feathered, chonky swimmers that we know and love, the world’s most famous dinosaur just didn’t appeal to me as much as it does today. Who would’ve thought Pokémon would come and help with that? Not only is Rock/Dragon a cool type combination, nor does it have a banger ability (Strong Jaw), I actually had a Level 100 Tyrantrum during the X and Y days. I wish I actually brought him over to future games, as he was sadly lost to history, but he basically was my main man.

Yanmega- I have to give kudos to Legends Arceus again for making me appreciate another Pokemon that I didn’t thought up at first. Not only does Yanmega tap into my liking of bugs very well (A title rivaled by Vikavolt, Lokix, and a few other Pokémon), it certainly has that kaiju feel to it. The one that I used in Legends was named Megagarius. That name alone should be pretty obvious to anyone who knows even a LICK of Godzilla.

Mimikyu- Long before Pincurchin came onto the scene, I considered Mimikyu to be my favorite Pokémon. Since I’m a sucker for some good ol’ gothic horror, how can I even say no to the little guy? Fun typing, equally fun ability, and even more delightfully creepy backstory aside, this has to be one of the cutest of all Pocket Monsters out there. I’m so happy that everyone has decided to show the little guy with love. He rightfully deserved it, dammit!

Glimmora- I am so, SO sorry to Clodsire and Revavroom, but the funny crystal flowersponge has them both beat. Not only does it have a fun and interesting type, along with a absolutely bonkers ability that makes it a threat to face as the first Pokémon, but Glimmora’s design might actually be one of the best in the franchise in a long time, even with many others rivaling it. I’m not gonna go into full detail about its inspirations here, as I’ve got a full-on post planned for it in the future, but as a quick taste for now; Think of this Pokémon (and its pre-evolution) as a three way between a nightshade flower, a hunk of copper sulfate, and a deep-sea sponge.

Given how Tumblr doesn’t let you add in more than 10 pictures for some stupid reason, I can only afford to add in 4 additional ‘Mons that got close to being in the team. While the sheer agony of 6 slots makes it hard to come up with a team that you’d be cool to spend a lifetime with, made even more harder that there are now more than 1000 of these things now, I find it interesting to stay true to yourself when making a Pokémon team. Who knows? If you’ve struggled come up with a perfect team like me, you just need to list down which interests and aesthetics suit you the best. Maybe then, you could find the team that screams “You” the most.

[a-deadly-serenade]

overall this season was pretty decent. i have some thots whats new so im gonna share them below the cut if anyone’s interested :)

so!! first off i’ll say that there were a lot of things i did really enjoy from season 4!

the action was super fun as always!! i loved all the crazy enemies and callbacks! the skeleton fight and all those little goblins they kept killing throughout were a nice touch ;) sypha’s use of her powers is INSANE her ice-chainsaw?? her WALL of fire?? electric balls?? come on. and the animation was NICE. i really wanna know who did most of the fight scenes bcuz the style is so different and it just POPS but in a really good way? 

my favorite fight has to be ofc when everyone is REUNITED yes im basic. but the THEME song going off and well, im a whore for sotn references and i CAME when i saw the leap stone ref w the winged cape or when alucard turned into a hoard of batss AND THEN HIS WOLF FORM OOOOHH BABY!!! actually episode 9 is just a straight banger.

STRIGAAA. STRIGA. oh mama i was sweating during that fight. mad kudos to her va for them growlsss

carmilla vs isaac was a lot of fun and i loved the visuals but my hype was instantly ruined when i saw her kill herself 😭but thats smth i’ll complain about later.

not all the lines were bangers, some of sypha’s swearing seemed even a bit too much at times, and it was especially jarring to be having a face-to-face death-math with literal Death and hes acting like a naughty little 5 year old thats just learnt to swear. maybe cut back on the fuck-isms? just a bit? BUT when they hit they did GOOD. “the fuck what now?” yes

ISAAC. you weren’t in this season as much but man do u still shine through. i loved his introduction back in the town where he has his night creatures digging graves and rebuilding the city 😭 and then the conversation he shares w his flyman?? obsessed.

Hector chopping his finger off and giving lenore and carmilla a good ol FUCK YOU!! as he helps isaac. we love to see it

Trevor and Sypha’s “I love you!” “I know.” <3

DEATHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

oh! alucard actually having a story & purpose in the plot? :) luv it love to see it. that being said... the Plot. 

its... ok? it’s kind of split up into 3/4 parts, as the story progresses, one eventually merges with several of the others kind of? cohesively? while leaving the other to sort itself out.

now, i didnt have too many qualms with it, it was pretty straight forward. dracula is going to be resurrected and we have sypha and trevor looking in on it, while alucard helps the nearby village and hector and isaac go on about bringing on their inevitable showdown. however, the way the story was paced and some of the decisions they made... werent so great.

st. germain for example, brought the ENTIRE momentum from the last few episodes to a halt. you have sypha and trevor fighting through heaps and heaps of monsters only to find themselves back in Targoviste where they meet the mysterious Zamfir!! and Alucard!! he’s been asked to help save this village!! all jam-packed with crazy action and animation that leaves you fired up!! and then episode 5 comes to a screeching halt and we spend nearly the entire thing on st. germain’s backstory and explaining his motives for the rest of the season

like. imma be real with you chief: he didnt need to be here lol. you could have just left varney as the main vamp in charge of bringing back big daddy drac and he could reveal to his.. idk henchmen or something that he’s death. but u gotta fill them ten 20 minute slots somehow!! he just fell so flat and unfortunately, a lot of the side-characters suffer from this this season.

i enjoyed great and zamfir, i love their desgins esp, but they really could have been fleshed out more. zamfir is shown as nothing but a spoiled brat the majority of the time she’s on screen but they wait till she’s about to die to try and turn her character around? huh? greta is given a bit more screentime but this sudden confession of feelings in the last episode felt so... huh?? why couldnt she just be dedicated to her people and show that u can love someone w/out necessarily being their partnr? i thot that was her whole thing; taking care of her people. it’s like. where did this come from. they cant have known each other more than a week at most dog 😭

it sucks they dedicated to much time to scenes that didnt really need to be there where we could have gotten this proper development, like maybe have a scene zamfir and sypha connect over struggles they’ve dealt with in the past and that has her open up about how traumatizing dracula’s attack on her city was. u could have expanded upon her role in the court and WHY she worshipped the monarchy so much instead of making it a throwaway gag about her being “crazy”. but why have that when we could instead spend the first 5 minutes of said episode watching a monotonous back-and-forth b/w varney and that big burly russian vampire who’s name im sure mor than 98% of the audience cant even remember? 

just a lot of fat that needed to be trimmed so that the actual MEAT of the story could be slow cooked to perfection. people really arent kidding when they say less is more. 

another big problem i had was there... i dont even know what to call it, re-humanization? redemption? of Lenore. like lmk if im wrong but she manipulated hector, yeah? coerced sex to slip on that ring that binds him to her?? orr whatever weird shit warren’s into. but the way they interacted, ESPECIALLY in their first major scene together was sooo uncomfortable to watch lol at first i thought perhaps hector was only playing along because well. hes enslaved to do her and carmilla’s bidding. but no, he actually LIKES her. he spares her when isaac comes around, he says that he wants to keep her as his own. and in the meantime, lenore finds time to complain to a man that’s been beaten and enslaved how upset it makes her that carmilla got angry at her 😭 or says thats she tired of isaac keeping tabs on her and wants to escape this ‘cage’. to  aman thats literally been imprisoned since youve known him 😭her death is seen as peaceful, calm, they even try and tug at ur heartstrings by swelling this sad, dramatic music as the sun rises. really? LENORE?

and carmilla’s death happened WAYY too early imo. she was the villain for practically 3 seasons and this is how she goes? isaac couldnt get more than a stab at her? his night creatures couldnt take a nibble? HECTOR couldnt even be given a chance to do somethng like come on

the resolution was... strange? it was cute!! and happy!! but i dunno if they really needed to have lisa and vlad coming back, but, like i said; it was cute! definitely not the ending i was expecting. 

i’m glad that they put their focus back on what made the show so much fun and that was the FIGHTS. they definitely helped add some much needed spice to things when scenes started to drag, but im a gal that really luvs a good story and even though reviews were raving that this season helped closed the lid on all the themes theyd been exploring, i just didnt really see that. which isnt necessarily a BAD thing, i knew i wasnt gonna find some deep introspective themes in this hack n slash horror-fantasy, its just what can turn somethng like this from an ok show to a GREAT one. 

in the end, im glad they stopped at this one and im curious to see if they really DO go ahead on making spin-offs. bcuz unfortunately, i will always be down for som new castlevania content

[tom-at-the-farm]

@tomerkapon tagged me in the Top 7 Albums Nightmare Challenge, and I tried. Basically I love approximately 5 million albums across many languages, but I tried to pick the most representative ones? As best I could. In no order:

1. Nirvana, Nevermind - sure, there are other Nirvana albums that are great, but this one is significant because it’s the first one I encountered and Teenage Me was shook! Definitely the first album I ever heard where I didn’t want to skip a single song. Also, I know now everyone and their mother loves Kurt Cobain, but I want to put it out there that I loved him in the early aughts when it was no longer cool to love him, and way before it became cool to love him again. He was just really important to young girls who liked rock, and whose rock scene consisted of misogynist nu metal.

2. Hole, Live Through This - again, Hole and Courtney Love had many other bangers, but this was such an eye-opening album for angry teenage girls who were taught to hate themselves and to indulge the “Courtney killed Kurt” delusion. Oh, did she? Good for her. “What do you do with a revolutioooonnnnnn?!”

3. Kanye, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy - Too bad this dude went nuts in a really ugly way, right? His discography up to and including Yeezus was art, though, and this album is the highlight imo. Also, lest we forget, it gave the world Nicki’s verse on “Monster”

4. Orville Peck, Pony - this is the most recent entry on the list but obviously my gay cowboy boyfriend with a voice of angels, honey and sunshine had to be on it. Like Nevermind, first album in literal years that I listened to from start to finish, wanting to discard nothing. Also, not to make a thousand people unfollow me, but every time I see some child be like, “Oh I just listened to Orville Peck, I guess I no longer hate country,” my brain bleeds. I think what he does is very relevant to contemporary country and it’s a unique and skillful performance, but also he’s basically Lana del Rey in sexy leather chaps. I don’t love him because he did anything revolutionary to country music, certainly nothing that Brandi Carlile or Melissa Ethridge or even straight ol’ Johnny Cash didn’t already do. I love him because his songs are sad and sexy and sweet and his voice is smooth and beautiful, and also the gay theatrics of it all.

5. Florence + the Machine, Lungs - I mean, her voice sends chills down my spine and this was where it began. It’s peak Forest Hag aesthetic woven together with so much raw talent. Like what is even the point of Hozier’s entire discography when “Cosmic Love” already exists?

6. Sleater-Kinney, Dig Me Out - Whatever, so I saw them many, many times and I met them twice; big deal that Corin Tucker is the literal mother of my babies. Anyway, SK is the definition of riot grrrl. Imagine Dead Kennedys but all female and actually good? Fucking queens

7. I put down Johnny Cash’s American IV: The Man Comes Around because it’s the best of the American albums, and also the last one before he died. Do I have to explain Johnny Cash in any of his iterations? I’m not going to.

If this list went up to at least 9 I would have included Nick Cave and The Pogues, but this is a cruel, short list.

I’m tagging @hereisyourlove @tabitharuthwexler @ana-matopoeia @timotay-chalamet @chailame @mightiermarvel @helloblockbutton @riverofmolecules @brainsludgemissives @feu-follet @bakedbrielarson and anyone else who wants to do it

[everymovie2020]

Godzilla (2014)

Date watched: 1 September 2019

After the 10/10 banger that was Godzilla: King of the Monsters, I decided to revisit the “original” (in this series) Godzilla, which I have only seen one time before.  Ultimately it was a Sunday afternoon and I just wanted something brainless with a bunch of big, scary monsters knocking shit down and this movie really filled that hole in my life.  Also, it helped give some context to what was going on in G:KOTM because I was a bit confused.

Plot:

So the whole idea of this franchise is that there are these big monsters lying dormant under the surface of the earth, just waiting to burst forth and fuck shit up.

Except for Kong – he lives above ground.  He’s chill like that (and trapped on an island). Also, he doesn’t breathe fire or fly like so many of these other creatures do.

In this movie, some miners in the Philippines unleash these mootoos.   And look, I could google what the actual spelling is, but I think it’s funnier for the purpose of this review if I just refer to them as mootoos, like they’re some kind of giant cow creature.

So this one mootoo flits over to Japan where it sets up shop in a nuclear power plant and proceeds to chow down on radiation (they eat radiation.  I don’t really get it).  In the course of this, Bryan Cranston’s wife, Juliette Binoche, dies (they worked at the power plant) and he goes a bit nutso about it.  I mean, seeing your wife die a horrible death will do that to you, probably.

Fast forward some years into the future. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is SUPER HOT and the grown-up version of Bryan Cranston and Juliette Binoche’s son. He’s married to Elizabeth Olsen (Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, shacking up) and they have a kid who I’m pretty sure is one of the kids from It?  The one with the asthma inhaler?  I’ve definitely seen the kid from this movie in other subsequent movies.  Or TV shows.  He could be one of the kids in Single Parents.

Anyway, ATJ comes home from the navy, then has to immediately leave because Bryan Cranston is up to some fuckery in Japan and has been arrested.  So he goes over there, they break into their old town near the power plant that was mootoo’d, figure out some shady shit is going on, and then the mootoo chooses that exact moment to wake up and head off across the Pacific, not before killing a bunch of people and Bryan Cranston.

So ATJ catches a flight to Hawaii, trying to get back to San Francisco, and wouldn’t you bloody know it, that pesky mootoo has picked itself up a tasty snack in the form of a nuclear submarine (no word on any survivors, I’m guessing no – jfc so many people die in these movies) and is partaking in that tasty snack on Oahu in the mountains overlooking Waikiki.

Because of course.

There are thousands of islands in the Pacific, but it chooses the most populated.  Hollywood just wanted to see Oahu fucked up, I swear to god.  I mean sure it’s less cinematic if they follow the mootoo to some random island and nobody gets killed, but like, the civilian casualties, guys.  Think about the civilian casualties.

So ATJ is on a monorail to the airport (I don’t remember seeing that when I was in Hawaii, but then I didn’t transfer from the domestic to the international terminal), and this kid gets separated from his parents so ATJ is like, I’ll look after you lil’ bud, but then the army pissess off the mootoo enjoying its tasty snack, and it decides to fuck up the airport.  Specifically the airport where ATJ is currently located.

I swear to god, in this movie, ATJ is a harbinger of doom.

Meanwhile, over at Waikiki beach, who should roll in but ol’ Godzilla, bringing with him a tsunami because, of course?  Like I get that you’re a gigantic monster, Godzy, but can you cool it with the tsunamis?

Anyway, the Hilton Hawaiian Village gets fucked up guys, which is disappointing.  Actually, it’s weird watching this now and recognising landmarks?  I don’t think that’s ever happened for me before in a movie set in America.  I was watching it going, hey, I’ve been there!  Look, I was kind of hoping for a shot of Godzilla stomping on the Moana Surfrider (we did NOT like that hotel), but clearly the Hilton had some advertising in this movie because it was getting jacked up all over the place.

So we have a Godzilla/mootoo showdown in the middle of Waikiki, and then the mootoo buggers off and Godzilla is like “grr” “grumble grumble” “grrrrrrr” (insert various Godzilla noises here). And then, for reasons unknown to me, both the mootoo and Godzilla decide to head for San Francisco.

THERE ARE PARTS OF THE WESTERN SEABOARD WITHOUT MASSIVE CITIES ON THEM, YOU STUPID MONSTERS.  I mean, you’re having these fights in the middle of the cities, knocking buildings on each other, like, that’s got to hurt a bit.  I’m just thinking about the wellbeing of the monsters, that’s all.

Meanwhile in Nevada, the other mootoo (yeah there’s another one that can’t fly, is female, is laden with eggs and wants to fuck some shit up) barrels right through the Las Vegas strip because OF COURSE IT DOES, because there’s NO EMPTY DESERT OUT THERE OR ANYTHING.

I mean, I get it, but also at the same time… WHY DO THEY KEEP SOLELY FOCUSING ON FUCKING UP CITIES?

So ATJ gets involved with the army again, and they have this plan to lure the mootoos and Godzilla out to sea with nuclear warheads that they can eat.  But of course the mootoo gets wind of this plan, purely because it’s lurking around waiting for someone to give it a tasty, tasty nuclear warhead, thwarts the plan, steals the warhead and nicks off to San Francisco.

But don’t worry guys, because the military have figured out that Godzilla is actually a good guy.  All three monsters converge in San Francisco – a city they don’t evacuate, by the way, despite knowing the monsters are all headed there – and proceed to have an all-out brawl.  While this is going on, a hero bus driver saves a bunch of children before the Golden Gate bridge is annihilated, Elizabeth Olsen hides underground (don’t really know how she didn’t die, tbh) and ATJ skydives into the city with a group of army dudes to retrieve the nuke and continue with the plan of sending it out to sea.

Actually, the scenes when they’re parachuting in are really spectacular.

But all you really need to know is that our hero, Godzilla, takes out to the two mootoos, has a bit of a snoozle then heads back out to sea, on his merry way, to do whatever it is Godzilla’s do when they’re off the clock.

Other random thoughts:

It felt like this movie was very dark, because all the action happens at night.  I think the scenes in Las Vegas are the only destruction scenes that take place during daylight.

What does Godzilla EAT? He’s a big, rotund boi!

You know how they’re making Gozilla vs Kong, well… whose side am I supposed to be on?  Because they’re both good guys.

I’m probably on Kong’s side.  NGL.

And is ATJ going to be in that movie?  Fingers crossed

Look I just think he’s hot. It was nice to have a bit of eye candy.

[aurimeanswind]

Friendly Neighborhood—Sunday Chats 7/16/17

I decided to take the week off from the questions segment of Sunday Chats this week. Give everyone some R&R, no need to stress about a question (which apparently people do?? That’s crazy) and just get your friendly, regular ‘ol Sunday Chats. 

So. Let’s chat!

Homecoming

Y’all. Spider-Man Homecoming was so incredibly good. Marvel took two things I love: Spider-Man and teens, and really mashed them together. The thing is, as someone with limited comic book experience, the movie Spider-Men are the only ones I’ve really known. Obviously a few video game iterations stick out to me, and maybe one of the many cartoons, but I was unsure if a teenage Spider-Man would work. Luckily, I had nothing to worry about, because it’s a match made in heaven. I really get the appeal the comics have had now, and it was a great way to see this character from a totally new perspective.

Spider-Man Homecoming is a home run, for sure, and if you haven’t seen it, it should certainly be on the list. It felt even more friendly as a movie to just jump into, because it successfully pulls off being the first in a series of superhero movies, and also not being an origin story movie. And it makes it look incredibly easy. Given that, even if you’re not a huge Marvel Movie junkie, I think you can still kinda just jump in because it truly feels like a vertical slice of something in a totally established universe. Moreso than the other Marvel movies, and I think it’s because Spider-Man feels just as new to the scene as any first-time viewer.

Spider-Man also got me thinking about teens, teen dramas, and most importantly, teen video games. It led me to start working on a super weird script about what makes something a teen thing. Like, when I think of CLASSIC teen movies it’s The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Those two are ingrained in my head, and honestly enough, Spider-Man reminded me the most of The Breakfast Club. It had that same 80s movie vibe that all of John Hughes’ best movies had, and I was trying to narrow down just what that was.

I think it’s a fun idea to explore, hopefully I’ll be able to make sense of it in my head.

For you, what makes something very specifically, and one of the best of, a teen era? Let me know!

What I’ve Been Working On

That teen piece has been taking most of my time, but I wanted to put it out there that I’m definitely hard at work on Alex Talks still. I have a few scripts for that done now, and one that I am polishing up. I am working on changing up how I shoot it, from what I had with Case Study, and just elevating that set up a bit more. I am making more progress than I have had recently, and I started working on some new art for it too, so there may actually be something to show for Alex Talks in the near future. I’d say I’m still a ways out from a new actual episode, maybe a few weeks, but it’s exciting to start seeing things heat up.

Also I spent way too much time editing this Ham4All video I did so I’ll post it here too:

What’s on Tap

Overwatch

Like good god I’m addicted like it’s some kind of drug... I play it every night again, and I dont’ think I’ve ever fallen back into a multiplayer game like this before.

Overwatch out here just taking all my firsts for multiplayer games again.

I am VERY excited for Doomfist.

Tomba 1

So I 100% completed Tomba 1 again, which sounds like a lot but really it’s maybe 5 or 6 hours to really do everything if you know what to do.

It’s a fun game I like to look back on every few years, and for a Metroidvania I think it has a lot of neat ideas, in spite of not being 100% polished through and through.

Tomba 2

Now Tomba 2 though, that’s a banger!

And it really holds up too. Again, PS1 Metroidvania-style game, but the idea of upgrades comes from separate weapons and suits to wear through difficult situations.

It’s a really rad take on the genre that was really under explored in the era, so seeing what these guys came up with at the time is super cool.

It’s still on the PS3′s PS1 classic sections, so it’s worth checking out.

While this is all I really played this past week, I did go out and buy the Crash Bandicoot N Sane Trilogy AND more importantly Nier Automata, so I’ll hopefully have those and maybe Splatoon to talk about next week.

The Checklist

Some bangers to shout out on this one.

The Kinda Funny Gamescast: Kingdom Hearts Recap. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gySub2KoB7Y

This episode of the Gamescast with Tim, Alexa Ray Corriea, and Jonathan Dornbush is top tier for any Kingdom Hearts fans. Especially with the cool announcements we got this week. It’s a great conversation, and boy, the more I hear about this Dornbush fellow the more I adore him.

Monster Factory with Griffin & Justin McElroy - The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHR0EfYACAI&index=2&list=PLaDrN74SfdT6duuVl_8qxJ5eaaPHRX_ij

I don’t know why it took me so long to really get into Monster Factory, but it’s so fucking brilliant. I love it. This Skyrim episode in particular had me gasping for air from laughing so long. I am such a McElroy junkie.

Kinda Funny Reacts: Spider-Man Homecoming - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rktc9fpqpUY&t=638s

I know I am giving out all these Kinda Funny ones, but after seeing Spider-Man it was very cathartic to listen to this podcast. Boy is that movie just effing great.

Linkin Park is This Generation’s U2 - Roger Pokorny - The Rogformer Show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idaEwFeyT_k

Goddammit is Roger Pokorny not the most talented human being ever. It was the script on this one that really got me. Maybe I’m just numb to Roger’s perfect goddamn art and transitions. But the writing here loops and weaves around the point so effortlessly. Roger may be one of my all time favorite writers, and his ideas are just so intriguing and original. Please give this a watch, and subscribe, and watch all the other Rogformer Shows a billion times so Roger can get filthy rich and hire me as his peon.

This is all I got. No questions so Sunday Chats was nice and short and sweet this week. I hope you all liked it, don’t worry we’ll be back to normal next week I’m sure.

Cheers and please do me the solid of 

keep it real.

[kickoffme-blog]

The 25 Best Songs About Butts: A Ranked Guide

New Post has been published on http://www.kickoffme.com/the-25-best-songs-about-butts-a-ranked-guide/

The 25 Best Songs About Butts: A Ranked Guide

The 25 Best Songs About Butts: A Ranked Guide

If we’ve learned one thing during the course of the last year or so, it’s that butts are back—and with them the resurrection of a the booty song. While some critics have commented that a healthy backside never really went anywhere, we respectfully disagree. To wit: There once was a time when Jennifer Lopez‘s most defining feature was her shapely butt.

Throughout the late ’90s and early 2000s, Lopez was an enigma in a world of stick-skinny models and actresses, causing critics and the public alike to gawk like she was some sort of mystical creature whose derriere was a thing of wonder. But somewhere around the mid-aughts, ultra-thin became the norm in Hollywood again, and it seemed that J.Lo’s booty went the way of Juicy tracksuits. Then in 2007 a girl named Kim Kardashian appeared on the scene, and the topic of celebrity butts was once again at the forefront.

Now, a decade later, it’s at an all-time high, with everyone in Hollywood tripping over themselves to prove that they have the biggest, roundest, sexiest ass. Even J.Lo’s back on the butt train, trying semi-desperately to steal back her title, having launched a not-subtle single called “Booty,” and promoted it with—what else?—a photo of her own backside.

MORE: Kim Kardashian Responds to Fans Who Say She Shaded Beauty Blogger Jackie Aina

But there’s a long history of moneymakers being idolized in song—from Queen’s 1976 hit “Fat-Bottomed Girls” to 1992’s defining ass anthem “Baby Got Back”—so we decided to do a deep-dive into  music’s vast booty-themed catalog and come up with a ranking of the 25 best songs about butts.

25. “Anaconda” Nicki Minaj

When Nicki first appeared on the music scene, her rap skills were bananas (if you haven’t heard her ferocious verse in Kanye West‘s 2010 “Monster,” seek it out, stat), but it’s safe to say that her lyrics have declined. Not that we don’t love a good lettuce reference, but “he tossed my salad so good we be calling him romaine” is maybe less than brilliant.

24. “U and Dat” E-40 Ft. T-Pain and Khandi 

Most of 2006 was spend tryna to get to yooouuuuuuuuuu and that booty.

23. “Shake That” by Eminem ft. Nate Dogg

There’s the stuff that made Eminem interesting, then there’s stuff like this. It’s a forgettable party track, but it gets points for featuring the ever-smooth Dogg (RIP.)

22. “Booty” Jennifer Lopez ft. Iggy Azalea

All the ingredients for a perfect pop song: Catchy, sexy, a little desperate.

21. “Salt Shaker” Ying Yang Twins Ft. Lil John and the East Side Boyz

God bless the Dirty South.

20. “Shake Your Rump” Beastie Boyz

If anyone doubts the inventiveness of the Beastie Boyz lyrics, Google this song.

19. “2 Much Booty (In da Pants),” Soundmaster T

If you were listening to pop radio in 1994, you’ve probably still got “DANCE! Too much booty in the pants!” in your head.

18. “Tush” Ghostface Killah Ft. Missy Elliot

If it sounds familiar, it’s because it was censored and played on the radio in 2003 as “Push.” Not surprising considering its crowning lyrics include “tush, tush, tush/Wanna slide in the bush, bush, bush?/I’m on top, you like push, push, push/Keep it low like shush, shush, shush.

 17. “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” Trace Adkins

We realize this 2004 country track isn’t exactly good, per se, but we’d be remiss to not include it simply for the fact that its ringtone alone received more than 75,000 downloads and there’s a European compilation album built around various mixes of the song.

16. “Pull Over” Trina

Early-aughts rapper Trina was deemed “as nasty as Lil’ Kim used to be” when her album “Da Baddest Bitch” dropped in 2000, and this song pretty much proves it. Trina might have faded away after one album, but this jet ski-heavy video lives on.

15. “All About That Bass” Meghan Trainor

We know the retro-tinged earworm is about having a big ass, but it’s safe to say nobody knows what being all about bass really means. Let us help: “You know how the bass guitar in a song is like its ‘thickness,’ the ‘bottom’? I kind of related a body to that,” Trainor told Billboard.  We assume that means the treble is a lightweight.

MORE: Definitive Proof That Jennifer Lopez Never Ages

14. “Low” Flo Rida 

The song that sparked shorties everywhere to get ‘dem Apple Bottom jeans. And boots with the fur. And Reeboks with the strap.

13. “Culo” Pitbull ft. Lil John

Before Mr. Worldwide exclusively dressed like an extra from “Scarface,” he bopped around Miami in tank tops, bellowing “CULO!!!” Suffice it to say, you need not be a linguist to know what that means.

12. “Bubble Butt” Major Lazer ft. 2 Chainz, Bruno Mars, Tyga and Mystic

An all-star lineup spewing some of pop music’s most profound lyrics. Behold:

Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Turn around, stick it out, show the world what you got a Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Turn around, stick it out, show the world you got it!

11. “Big Ole Butt” LL Cool J

This story has everything: Milkshakes, the mall, shrimp and steak at Red Lobster, bamboo earrings, pipin’ hot pizza, and a hoe named Tina who has a BOB.

10. (Shake Shake Shake) Shake Your Booty” KC and the Sunshine Band 

This 1976 confection was considered controversial when it came out, thanks to randy lyrics that include “shake shake shake/shake shake shake/shake your booty.” A testament to its longevity: It’s still played at every catering hall wedding, ’70s theme party, and bar mitzvah in America.

9. “My Humps” The Black-Eyed Peas

Arguably the song that put Fergie’s lovely lady lumps on the map.

8.  “Back Dat Ass Up” Juvenile

His name kind of says it all, but we still dig this 1998 banger.

  7. “Bonita Applebum”  A Tribe Called Quest

Granted, this classic isn’t about butts, per se, but we’re giving it a spot because of its title. And because it’s awesome.

6. “Ms. Fat Booty” Mos Def

Arguably the smoothest song about butts ever written.

5. “Fat Bottomed Girls” Queen

Freddie Mercury and the gang made waves with their 1976 celebration of curves.

4. “Bootylicious” Destiny’s Child

You know the story: This song’s immense popularity causes it to be added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2004.

3. “Rumpshaker” Wrex-n-Effects

As soon as people heard that first saxophone lick (sampled from 1972’s “Darkest Light” by Lafayette Afro Rock Band) they were hooked on 1992’s now-classic. Fun fact: The second verse was written by a young Pharrell Williams.

2. “Baby Got Back” Sir Mix-a-Lot

Oh. My. God Becky, we know this song normally ends up at number one on lists like these, and while it was groundbreaking in its own way, there’s no doubt it’s become a parody of itself, thanks to a Glee cover and an ad campaign for Charmin toilet paper that showcases an animated bear rocking out to the original song.

1. “The Thong Song” Sisqo

We herby declare this absolutely ridiculous song number one on our list, thanks to its creative use of strings (performed by violinist Bruce Dukov, believe it or not), it’s early-aughts benchmarks (Sisqo’s bleached hair, belly button tattoo, flowy all-white outfit, fingerless gloves on the beach), agile gymnastics moves, and the fact that the entire world was trumpeting “THONG-THA-THONG-THONG-THONG” with straight faces as we rung in the millennium.

Originally published January 2015. Updated June 2017.

June 29, 2017 10:38 pm (Source)

[mrultra100]

Ultra’s Prehistoric Planet Reviews- Episode 1: Coasts

After so many years of agonizing waiting, we’re finally experiencing a docuseries that’s on the same scale as the original Walking with Dinosaurs, if said scale was exceeded already. Prehistoric Planet has gained so much hype before its release, with people freaking out in excitement like crazy (I should know, I’m one of them). And after watching the first episode on Apple TV + last night (Right as 12 am nonetheless), we can start with this lil’ review series I’d like to call Mr. Ultra’s Prehistoric Planet. While that wasn’t the most creative name for something like this, it’s at least catchy, right? Anyhoo, the main motto of this thing is to review all 5 PHP episodes, give them a good rundown about how good they are, go over each segment and the creatures that feature them, and label this package with my usual mind-numbing nonsense. For our first venture into the Maastrichtian era, bring your sunscreen and surfboards, because we’re gonna experience a swimming T. Rex, mosasaur cleaning stations, a trip to a pterosaur beach party, and even a glowing ammonite orgy! (Yes, that part is in there too, I’ll explain later). It’s now time to begin our journey with the Coasts. This review may contain spoilers for the episode, so don’t read this if you haven’t watched it.

Right off the bat, this episode was a very solid way to start the series. We get an live-action intro with David Attenborough where he talks about the lives of various Creatceous fauna like T. Rex. As usual, David is one of the best possible picks for the role of narrator here. His love and approach to nature, along with his 90+ year long career, makes him an incredible narrator. Not only are all of the models very well-made and accurate, but we also get quite a few new species making their primetime debut to the world of media. Not only is this the first ever appearance of Tuarangisaurus, but also Kaikaifilu (A relative to Tylosaurus, one of the most famous mosasaurs), and FOUR different pterosaur species (Barbaridactylus, Alcione, Tethydraco, and Phosphatodraco). Along with that, we also get scenes where more familiar beasties like Tyrannosaurus and Mosasaurus are depicted doing some new behavior not done in previous documentaries. It really helps this is down to further drive home the fact that these were actual animals, not monsters. The only flaw I can point out is the iconic pose of the T. Rex from the preview not being used. But to be fair, it had its own share of issues, like T.Rex living near the Tethys Sea. Even when it was receding, the Western Interior Seaway was still a thing when Papa Hank was around, so I’m cool with this segment changing. One more piece of info I wanna go over before we start covering the respective segments is how Hans Zimmer killed it in the musical department. Again, this is another legend of media we’re talking about, as the guy has made banger after banger for films like The Lion King, The Prince of Egypt, Rango, and even Muppet Treasure Island! (And no, I’m not making this up, his music actually appeared in a Muppet movie!). This man has a whole legacy behind his work, and I’m happy that PHP is now one of them.

The first segment of the episode (And of the whole show in general) shows a father Tyrannosaurus and his chicks swimming to an island in search of food. While good ol’ Papa Hank has no trouble swimming (As with almost all amniotes), trouble shows up a minute later in the form of a hungry Mosasaurus. While the massive father is safe, even within the giant sea lizard’s own turf, his chicks aren’t, with even a strangler even getting picked off and eaten by the Mosasaurus, highlighting how brutal nature can be, especially for a youngster. While he’s lost a single chick during his swim, the T. Rex and the rest of his brood manage to get onto the island, where they find the body of a dead protostegid turtle. The father Rex feeds on the carcass, while the chicks scramble to hunt for themselves, often playfully snacking on the baby turtles racing to the sea. And that sounds like a fun family activity (Terrorize and eat baby turtles while your father devours the corpse of one of their parents), well, at least to them.

We cut away from Hank and his family to focus on the pterosaurs of North Africa. Not only do we get our first look at Barbaridactylus (A creature that’ll be getting more screentime in the next episode), but also 3 other species; Tethydraco (A little-known relative to Pteranodon), Phosphatodraco (The first azdarchid to show up in this show), and the focus of this particular segment; Alcione. The chicks are left on a steep, rocky cliff by their parents, with many of the chicks having to fly over to the mainland for the first time. As many of you can expect, a majority of the chicks don’t make it, with both Barbaridactylus and Phosphatodraco gobbling them up on the air and ground respectively. While a few do eventually make it to the safety of the forest, that’s one helluva way to start off your life; go through a gauntlet as you jump off of a cliff while trying not to drown and get eaten by someone else.

Now cutting to the waters of New Zealand, we come face to face with a mother Tuarangisaurus and her calf. These relatives to the famous Elasmosaurus are the first creatures in the show to get more than 1 segment, with both of their segments in this very episode being covered in this part. In part 1, the mother and her calf (Along with many more of their kind) briefly visit a bay to swallow some gastroliths, while the mother sneaks off to get laid by one of the males. Imagine this from the calf’s perspective; You’re swimming around, looking for a few rocks to swallow to aid in your digestion and weighing you down, before you catch your mom doing the dirty with someone you never met.

Part 2 then shows the later-pregnant female struggling to keep up with the others, making her a clear target for a predatory Kaikaifilu. In order to save his mom from being killed and munched on, the older calf (And eventually the others) harass the mosasaur, biting and ramming into him. The plan works, and the Kaikaifilu swims off as the mother Tuarangisaurus gives birth.

Speaking of mosasaurs, we then cut to what’s possibility my favorite scene in the episode (And one of my favorite scenes in the show already); A Mosasaurus cleaning station. We all know how much of a powerful predator Mosasaurus is, Jurassic World’s kaijuequse Mosasaurus is proof of that. But, to see this absolute leviathan of the Maastrichtian depths getting all scrubbed up at a cleaning station is what dreams are made of. Unfortunately for the old male, a rival suddenly pops up and fights him for control of his territory. The resulting fight showcases the fierce power of these sea monsters, even moreso than the fight between the two Tylosaurus in Nat Geo’s Sea Monsters. At the end, our male wins and gets to keep his reef. Good for him, he honestly deserves his stretch of coral reef, along with the entourage of pycnodont fish and shrimp that help clean him. It’s a win-win for everyone! Well...except for the younger rival. He ain’t getting access to a free spa anytime soon.

And to end this review, 3 words; Discolight. Ammonite. Orgy. Yeah, I said that I’d get to this part, but considering how we already covered the second half of the Tuarangisaurus’ segment (Which was the last part of the episode), we’re ending this review with the ammonites, who take sex so seriously, it kills them. Off of the coast of North America, during a crescent moon, massive shoals of Scaphtid ammonites rise from the abyss to, ya guess it, bang each other like crazy! To do this, they wave their bioluminescent tentacles at each other, with them having to synchronize their glowing patterns to get the process right. Right after they all mated, the ammonites then crock. All of them. This is similar to how cephalopods alive today crock after making babies of their own. Also, gotta hand it to the team for adding in practical models. The use of dead ammonite props washing ashore makes this scene all the more real!

1 episode down, 4 more to go. Given how long this blasted thing was, this is certainly gonna take a while. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s review of Deserts! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get all of this water out of my head.

[kickoffme-blog]

The 25 Best Songs About Butts: A Ranked Guide

New Post has been published on http://www.kickoffme.com/the-25-best-songs-about-butts-a-ranked-guide/

The 25 Best Songs About Butts: A Ranked Guide

The 25 Best Songs About Butts: A Ranked Guide

If we’ve learned one thing during the course of the last year or so, it’s that butts are back—and with them the resurrection of a the booty song. While some critics have commented that a healthy backside never really went anywhere, we respectfully disagree. To wit: There once was a time when Jennifer Lopez‘s most defining feature was her shapely butt.

Throughout the late ’90s and early 2000s, Lopez was an enigma in a world of stick-skinny models and actresses, causing critics and the public alike to gawk like she was some sort of mystical creature whose derriere was a thing of wonder. But somewhere around the mid-aughts, ultra-thin became the norm in Hollywood again, and it seemed that J.Lo’s booty went the way of Juicy tracksuits. Then in 2007 a girl named Kim Kardashian appeared on the scene, and the topic of celebrity butts was once again at the forefront.

Now, a decade later, it’s at an all-time high, with everyone in Hollywood tripping over themselves to prove that they have the biggest, roundest, sexiest ass. Even J.Lo’s back on the butt train, trying semi-desperately to steal back her title, having launched a not-subtle single called “Booty,” and promoted it with—what else?—a photo of her own backside.

MORE: Kim Kardashian Responds to Fans Who Say She Shaded Beauty Blogger Jackie Aina

But there’s a long history of moneymakers being idolized in song—from Queen’s 1976 hit “Fat-Bottomed Girls” to 1992’s defining ass anthem “Baby Got Back”—so we decided to do a deep-dive into  music’s vast booty-themed catalog and come up with a ranking of the 25 best songs about butts.

25. “Anaconda” Nicki Minaj

When Nicki first appeared on the music scene, her rap skills were bananas (if you haven’t heard her ferocious verse in Kanye West‘s 2010 “Monster,” seek it out, stat), but it’s safe to say that her lyrics have declined. Not that we don’t love a good lettuce reference, but “he tossed my salad so good we be calling him romaine” is maybe less than brilliant.

24. “U and Dat” E-40 Ft. T-Pain and Khandi 

Most of 2006 was spend tryna to get to yooouuuuuuuuuu and that booty.

23. “Shake That” by Eminem ft. Nate Dogg

There’s the stuff that made Eminem interesting, then there’s stuff like this. It’s a forgettable party track, but it gets points for featuring the ever-smooth Dogg (RIP.)

22. “Booty” Jennifer Lopez ft. Iggy Azalea

All the ingredients for a perfect pop song: Catchy, sexy, a little desperate.

21. “Salt Shaker” Ying Yang Twins Ft. Lil John and the East Side Boyz

God bless the Dirty South.

20. “Shake Your Rump” Beastie Boyz

If anyone doubts the inventiveness of the Beastie Boyz lyrics, Google this song.

19. “2 Much Booty (In da Pants),” Soundmaster T

If you were listening to pop radio in 1994, you’ve probably still got “DANCE! Too much booty in the pants!” in your head.

18. “Tush” Ghostface Killah Ft. Missy Elliot

If it sounds familiar, it’s because it was censored and played on the radio in 2003 as “Push.” Not surprising considering its crowning lyrics include “tush, tush, tush/Wanna slide in the bush, bush, bush?/I’m on top, you like push, push, push/Keep it low like shush, shush, shush.

 17. “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” Trace Adkins

We realize this 2004 country track isn’t exactly good, per se, but we’d be remiss to not include it simply for the fact that its ringtone alone received more than 75,000 downloads and there’s a European compilation album built around various mixes of the song.

16. “Pull Over” Trina

Early-aughts rapper Trina was deemed “as nasty as Lil’ Kim used to be” when her album “Da Baddest Bitch” dropped in 2000, and this song pretty much proves it. Trina might have faded away after one album, but this jet ski-heavy video lives on.

15. “All About That Bass” Meghan Trainor

We know the retro-tinged earworm is about having a big ass, but it’s safe to say nobody knows what being all about bass really means. Let us help: “You know how the bass guitar in a song is like its ‘thickness,’ the ‘bottom’? I kind of related a body to that,” Trainor told Billboard.  We assume that means the treble is a lightweight.

MORE: Definitive Proof That Jennifer Lopez Never Ages

14. “Low” Flo Rida 

The song that sparked shorties everywhere to get ‘dem Apple Bottom jeans. And boots with the fur. And Reeboks with the strap.

13. “Culo” Pitbull ft. Lil John

Before Mr. Worldwide exclusively dressed like an extra from “Scarface,” he bopped around Miami in tank tops, bellowing “CULO!!!” Suffice it to say, you need not be a linguist to know what that means.

12. “Bubble Butt” Major Lazer ft. 2 Chainz, Bruno Mars, Tyga and Mystic

An all-star lineup spewing some of pop music’s most profound lyrics. Behold:

Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Turn around, stick it out, show the world what you got a Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt Turn around, stick it out, show the world you got it!

11. “Big Ole Butt” LL Cool J

This story has everything: Milkshakes, the mall, shrimp and steak at Red Lobster, bamboo earrings, pipin’ hot pizza, and a hoe named Tina who has a BOB.

10. (Shake Shake Shake) Shake Your Booty” KC and the Sunshine Band 

This 1976 confection was considered controversial when it came out, thanks to randy lyrics that include “shake shake shake/shake shake shake/shake your booty.” A testament to its longevity: It’s still played at every catering hall wedding, ’70s theme party, and bar mitzvah in America.

9. “My Humps” The Black-Eyed Peas

Arguably the song that put Fergie’s lovely lady lumps on the map.

8.  “Back Dat Ass Up” Juvenile

His name kind of says it all, but we still dig this 1998 banger.

  7. “Bonita Applebum”  A Tribe Called Quest

Granted, this classic isn’t about butts, per se, but we’re giving it a spot because of its title. And because it’s awesome.

6. “Ms. Fat Booty” Mos Def

Arguably the smoothest song about butts ever written.

5. “Fat Bottomed Girls” Queen

Freddie Mercury and the gang made waves with their 1976 celebration of curves.

4. “Bootylicious” Destiny’s Child

You know the story: This song’s immense popularity causes it to be added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2004.

3. “Rumpshaker” Wrex-n-Effects

As soon as people heard that first saxophone lick (sampled from 1972’s “Darkest Light” by Lafayette Afro Rock Band) they were hooked on 1992’s now-classic. Fun fact: The second verse was written by a young Pharrell Williams.

2. “Baby Got Back” Sir Mix-a-Lot

Oh. My. God Becky, we know this song normally ends up at number one on lists like these, and while it was groundbreaking in its own way, there’s no doubt it’s become a parody of itself, thanks to a Glee cover and an ad campaign for Charmin toilet paper that showcases an animated bear rocking out to the original song.

1. “The Thong Song” Sisqo

We herby declare this absolutely ridiculous song number one on our list, thanks to its creative use of strings (performed by violinist Bruce Dukov, believe it or not), it’s early-aughts benchmarks (Sisqo’s bleached hair, belly button tattoo, flowy all-white outfit, fingerless gloves on the beach), agile gymnastics moves, and the fact that the entire world was trumpeting “THONG-THA-THONG-THONG-THONG” with straight faces as we rung in the millennium.

Originally published January 2015. Updated June 2017.

June 29, 2017 10:38 pm (Source)