#good god the sound engineer did not get paid enough for a film of that calibre

[disengaged]

i am not immune to a boxing/mma movie

[mirkwoodshewolf]

A day at Disneyland; Chris Hemsworth x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello and good afternoon everybody! So this is a request that I have had done for the past couple of days but I’ve been on a deadline with another request that I’m trying to get done before their bday tomorrow (I’m about half way done with it) but this one is probably my first ever Hemsworth story I had ever done (So I’ve done half of the Chris quartet). Now my knowledge of Disneyland is minimal to none cause I’ve never been to Cally so the only Disney experience I’ve had is Disneyworld down in Florida, but I hope I still did some justice for this fic.

No warnings except PURE, UNADULTERATED, TEETH-ROTTING G RATED FLUFF!!!

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

_______________________________________________________

I was packing up the car getting ready to prepare for the 2 and a half hour drive to downtown LA so that the kids and I could go to Disneyland.  My name is (y/n) (l/n) and I’ve been a single mom for three years.  My ex-husband and I were having some problems, constantly fighting until finally one stupid mistake on his part landed him in the LA prison.

Furious and disappointed, I filed for divorce because I didn’t want his bad influence to affect our children and it was hard on us, especially my eldest son Dean.  He and his daddy were close ever since he was born, but when I was forced to tell him that his daddy wasn’t ever gonna get out of prison, it was hard for him to cope.

It was tough raising not only 2 growing boys but a newborn baby girl at the same time.  My little girl, Leia will never get to know her father because of his stupidity and I don’t want to expose her to him. At first I thought I’d never get to have the father figure my kids needed because it was just me and my sister and my mom who was helping me raise my kids, my dad sadly passed away due to a stroke shortly after my second son Henry was born.

That was until by sheer luck of fate as I was coming home from the store when I accidentally dropped all my well-paid food, that a handsome blonde stranger came into my life.

I had no idea at the time who he was until Dean (whose obsessed with all things superheroes both Marvel and DC) that when we saw the second Avengers movie Age of Ultron, it was shocked to see that it was him.  Chris Hemsworth.

We kept in contact and whenever he wasn’t too busy, he’d come over for a visit and we’d have a couple of dinners.  Soon couple dinners turned into months’ worth of dinners, then starting a relationship until just recently about a year ago he moved in with me and the kids.  Right now he was busy filming “Avengers: End Game” down in his homeland of Australia.

One night as we were all facetiming with each other, Chris had given us a surprise.  He said that he and the entire cast would be in Disneyland to help promote the film and not only that, he got all four of us tickets to go throughout the park and spend an entire day at Disneyland.  The kids were so excited that they were finally gonna go to Disneyland, especially my little girl since she’s finally big enough to ride some of the rides.

Which leads us to here.  As I was putting the bags into the car I said.

“Dean, don’t forget to bring your chargers okay?”

“Yeah mom.”

“Leia, do you got your Simba plushie with you?”

“Right here mommy.” She exclaimed as she held out her stuffed Simba plushie that Chris had given her last Christmas.

“Henry you’ve got your lightsaber right?”

“Yeah, do you think I could really fly the Millennium Falcon?” he asked me.

“We’ll see. Okay Got the bags, toys, gaming consuls, DVD is all set up. Everyone got everything?” My kids all cheered out in choir unison. “So whose ready to go to Disneyland?” they all cheered and raised their hands and I continued, “Alright. Tickets are in my purse and off we go!” I started the car and started up the installed DVD player which played Leia’s and Henry’s favorite movie “Hercules”.

Thankfully with the help of a movie and Dean busy playing on his Nintendo, there wasn’t much complaining from the kids (which was perfect for me).  Finally after the long drive, we finally reached the archway of the entrance into Disneyland.

“We’re here! We’re here! Look over there I can see Woody!” All my kids were in pure awe as we drove under the archway, I could just feel from the front seat the energy these kids were about to unleash.  I was now waiting in line to pay for parking and when I had gotten up I greeted the worker and handed her my license and money.

But when she saw my picture she handed me not only my license but the cash back as well and she told me.

“No payment necessary ma’am, we’ve actually been told of a special reserve spot for you to go to.” At first I was confused but then it dawned on me.

“That Aussie I tell you what.”

“One of our workers will escort you to your special reserved spot.” It was then another worker came up and he asked if he could hop into the car so he could be my navigator. I allowed him in the passenger seat and he told me exactly where to go.

We drove around for about 5 minutes till we reached the reserved front corner entrance where standing there with sunglasses on was Chris.  He grinned and waved to us and the kids waved back to him.  I parked in the parking spot and as soon as I turned off the engine, all the kids raced out and glomped him.

 “There are my favorite three little munchkins!” Chris proclaimed as he wrapped his arms around all three of my kids at the same time and even lifted them up and spun them around, making them laugh and cheer.

“And what about me? Am I just the cabbie driver? Or just some old maid here to serve your favorite three munchkins?” I teased.  Chris set my kids down and he said.

“On the contrary, you my lady are the beautiful good witch who protects and nurtures them. A witch that has put even a god like me under her spell.” He wrapped his arms around me, swaying me gently from side to side grinning down at me.  I grinned up at his sweet talk before our lips joined together only to be disrupted when a choir of voices cried out.

“EWWW!!!!” We separated to see all three of my kids with a look of disgust on their faces.

“Ahh no it’s not gross. Be patient soon enough all of you will be doing this.” Said Chris.

“Over my dead body.” I mocked.  “I want my babies to stay this young forever! Especially my little man.” I said as I walked up to my kids before hugging my eldest son close.  I swarmed his face with kisses and ruffled his ‘lion mane’ like hair that he inherited from his father.

“Mom! Mom, you’re messing with my mane!” Dean cried out as he tried to get out of my embrace. When I finally released him he backed away and tried to readjust his hair to that sweep-over hair that looked like it belonged back in the 1980’s.

“I need to plan an appointment to get your haircut mister.”

“No!” he then raced over to Chris and hid behind him.

“No worries mate, I won’t let any barber cut this hair of yours.” Chris said as he stroked my son’s hair.

“Coming from the very man whose worn the same long blonde wig for years.”

“Hey the last few movies I didn’t have to wear one. But this meeting isn’t about haircuts, now whose ready for a full fun day at Disneyland?!” The kids all raised their hands crying out ‘me! Me! Me! Me!’ “Awesome, already got our tickets, so let’s go out there and have a full day of family fun!” We all cheered before racing onward into the park.

There were so many rides that it was almost impossible to pick just one.  However my daughter who has always favored the merry-go-round no matter whether it was a state fair, amusement park or whatever, anytime she saw a Merry go round she wanted to go on it.

So as a nice little warmup, we all got in line for the merry-go-round.  We waited for I don’t know 5-10minutes in line before they let the next several people to go aboard.  My sons went straight for the two twin black horses while my baby girl went for a white stallion with a pink saddle on it.  As I was about to get on my horse, Chris came up and he said.

“Allow me my lady.”

“Why thank you good sir knight.” I mocked in probably the worst British accent I could muster. I felt his hands go to my waist and he gently hoisted me up and I ended up rising side-saddle but then what I didn’t expect was for Chris to get right behind me.  “Uhh Chris, I don’t think we’re allowed to do this.”

“Relax love, it’ll be okay.” He assured me.  The bell soon sounded off and soon an accordion version of ‘A dream is a wish’ started plaything through the speakers and the ride began.  

All around us, kids were cheering and waving to their parents who were standing along the railings watching their kids ride all by themselves, young couples riding side by side holding hands or riding in the sleighs nonchalantly kissing each other.

I felt Chris take my hands in his and I felt his head gently lean against mine and a kiss at my temple.  I smiled and nuzzled against him as the ride continued to go on.

After the ride we continued to walk around the park riding more rides like the Mad Hatter’s teacup ride, and Toy Story Mania that was until we finally reached the famous Splash Mountain.

“Ohh mom look! Splash Mountain!” Henry proclaimed as he was now riding on top of Chris’ shoulders.  

“I see it Henry.”

“Can we go on that next, please?”

“I guess we can, but I’m not sure if everyone’s tall enough to ride it.” I teased as I looked down at my daughter who was holding my hand.

“Yes I am mama! We measured me last month! I’m big enough.” She said as she pulled on my hand.

“Ohh that’s right, well let’s get a second opinion from the official park height measurements.” We all headed over to the line entrance of Splash Mountain and Leia immediately went up to the height chart.  “Okay, now stand still baby girl.” She hummed happily as she could barely contain her excitement. “No cheating now.” I told her in my mom voice and that made her stand still.

In the end, she was eligible to ride Splash Mountain.

“Okay, everyone stick together now.” Leia cheered happily and her brothers high-fived or fist-bumped her and even Chris did a double fist bump with her as he cheered and picked her up.

“Alright that’s my girl! I told you were growing like a weed!”

“Okay everyone let’s get into the line before it gets too long.” We all got in line and we waited. After what felt like forever and the kids complaining about when the line would move faster, hanging off both mine and Chris’ hands and arms, we finally got closer to the ride.  Since there were five of us we decided to divide up the group, I took Henry and Leia while Chris and Dean rode together, being the big boys that they were.

I got in the log first with the help of the ride attendant and I told Leia to get in first so that way she would be in the middle and Henry could ride up front.  Once we were buckled in and the guy gave us the all clear and the worker at the controls gave a thumbs up and soon we were off.

We went along the trail before going up the first hill.  Hearing the ticking of the controls as it took us up higher and higher before finally dropping us downward on the small uphill.  We were all cheering and laughing as we allowed the current to push us faster than we did when we first went out.

We were now shrouded in darkness as we were now inside the mountain before we would go off the big hill that would take our picture.

“Is this the big drop yet?” asked Leia.

“Yeah Leia, and watch this, this time I’m gonna have both my hands up in the air!” proclaimed Henry.

“Just make sure you don’t unbuckle yourself Henry.” We soon saw the light at the end of the tunnel and I said as I hugged my daughter’s waist. “Here we go.” As soon as we went off the drop-off we all screamed before finally splashing down at the bottom, getting soaked with water.  Both my kids were laughing and clapping. “So Leia, was it everything you thought it would be?”

“It was better mama! We went up and up and up till we went SHOOSH!!” I smiled down at her and I saw Henry was about to get out as soon as we saw the exit point.

“Hold on Henry, wait till we come to a complete stop.” Another worker soon placed their foot on our log and she said.

“Please watch your step as you exit the log, and we hope you have a good rest of your day at Disneyland. And don’t forget about our fireworks show tonight at 8pm in front of Cinderella’s castle.”  She helped my kids out and I got out on my own with a bit of help from her.  As we collected our stuff, we waited at the bottom of the exit point for Chris and Dean.

A few minutes later we saw them coming down (well Dean was more like racing down while Chris was the one walking).

“Did you boys have fun?”

“You bet we did, and how about you Princess? Was it exciting?” Chris asked as he scooped up my daughter and she laughed giddily.

“It was soo much fun, can we go on it again?”

“Maybe later, for now let’s go see our pictures.” He answered.  We walked further down the trail till we reached the giftshop and went up to the picture booth and waited and that’s when I pointed out for Henry and Leia.

“Look there we are.” All three of our faces filled with screams or joy.  Henry as promised had both of his hands in the air and his eyes were wide.  Meanwhile I turned and saw Chris and Dean’s pictures.  Chris had covered Dean’s eyes with his hands while his blue eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his sockets, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Shall we get a copy?” he asked.

“I don’t know…..”

“C’mon this is my treat.”

“Baby I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of your well-earned—”

“You’re not. This is me treating my lovely girl and her children on a day of fun.” He pecked my cheek before turning to the kids giving them the signal to back him up.

“Please mama, please!” They all ganged up against me giving me the puppy dog eyes, Chris included as he had all my kids in his arms looking right up at me.

“Ohh…..alright.” The kids cheered and then turned to Chris telling him what they wanted.  In the end Dean got a keychain, Henry got a small picture frame and Leia got a small locket, and Chris got him and I a copy of a picture frame of our picture.

After a few more rides, we all began to get hungry so we found ourselves a nice little food court restaurant called “Mickey’s Italian shop”.  As we ordered out food, like you would see on Youtube of the characters coming up to the guests just to hang out with the customers.

So we ended up having Mickey and Pluto coming over to our table.  Pluto being my daughter’s favorite Disney dog was thrilled and gave him a big hug and of course Pluto hugged her back before using that tongue that always hangs out to give her a ‘doggy kiss’.  It was so adorable that I just had to get a picture of them together, I also got some pictures of my boys with Mickey and Chris took one with me, Pluto and Mickey.

The day continued to press on and soon it was nightfall and everyone gathered at Cinderella’s castle to grab the best spot for the fireworks show that was about to happen in the next 7 minutes.  Even with the crowd of people that were already sitting down, we still managed to get good enough seats to still see the castle’s full stature.

After waiting a few more minutes the lights went off and we all cheered as the castle first lite up a lightshow for us.  Showing images and clips from various Disney films as ‘Circle of Life’ blared from the speakers.  Chris and I looked at each other before leaning against one another watching the light show and seeing the kids stare in awe.  Then the big event happened.

A giant red firework shot up and exploded into the sky.  Everyone oohed and ahhed as more fireworks began to fly into the sky before exploding into various colors and sizes.

“Did you have a good time love?”

“This was the most wonderful time I’ve ever had at Disneyland. Even when I was a kid, it didn’t compare to this.”

“I think this might get a little more interesting.” He said.  I was about to ask him what he meant by it but he pressed a finger to my lips and turned my chin back toward the sky.  We continued to watch the fireworks but then something happened I had never seen happen at a Disney firework show.

One firework that went off created an image of Mjolnir, Thor’s famed hammer before three fireworks fired off immediately spelling out.

“YOU AR WORTHY TO ME.” My jaw slowly dropped and I felt my heart stop.  Soon another phrase spelled across the sky, “WILL YOU LET ME BE WORTHY OF YOU?” I turned to Chris who now stood on one knee holding out a small ring.  A spotlight came down onto us and I could hear everyone gasp and cry out around us.

“(Y/n), these past few years have been the best years of my life. I didn’t think I would be happy, until you came into my life. Will you make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me?” he opened the box revealing the ring sparkling under the spotlight’s bright light.  I was in tears as I was covering my face with my hands.

Everyone around me, including my kids telling me to say yes.  I nodded rapidly and kissed him with as much passion as I could muster while all around us, everyone was applauding and my kids cam around us and hugged us.

“Ladies and gentlemen we’d like to have the honor of introducing Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth and his new fiancée!” I cupped his cheeks and he kissed my forehead, down my cheek before reclaiming my lips with his.

[starringemiliaclarke]

Press: Emilia Clarke interview: the Game of Thrones star on leaving Westeros behind to tackle the West End

Emilia Clarke interview: the Game of Thrones star on leaving Westeros behind to tackle the West End

Clarke, who now stars in Chekhov’s The Seagull, tells Louis Wise that the HBO fantasy series made her feel like a ‘small cog in a big machine’

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PHOTOSHOOTS & OUTTAKES > 2020 > 2020 The Sunday Times

MAGAZINES > 2020 > 2020 The Sunday Times Culture Magazine – March 15

  The Times: Emilia Clarke says she views herself primarily as a stage actress, which is a little weird when you consider that she has only appeared in one play professionally before, and it was an absolute turkey. Or, as the 33-year-old star of Game of Thrones says, in her jolly British way, it was “terrible, awful, awful! Bad! That was a bad show!” The piece was Breakfast at Tiffany’s on Broadway in 2013, and it’s safe to say Clarke’s Holly Golightly did not enchant. “I’ll never forget, someone said to me after press night the only thing they liked was the cat.”

If Clarke relays this with surprising good humour, this is part temperament, part experience. For one thing, in person she is relentlessly chipper and pukka. Whereas on HBO’s mega-fantasy series Game of Thrones, she grew in stature as Daenerys Targaryen, a still, dignified stateswoman (until that end), in real life she is a goofy motormouth chatterbox, always eager to catch the joke at her expense. And she is no stranger to what we shall politely call “the mixed review”. She has known some drubbings, whether for that Broadway show, or films such as Last Christmas or Terminator Genisys, or indeed the final series of GoT, which — euphemism alert! — didn’t quite turn out the way everybody wanted.

Luckily she never reads reviews. “Because if it’s really, really good, someone will tell you. And if it’s really, really bad — some f***** will tell you.”

We are meeting today, though, at a rehearsal space in south London, because she is chucking herself back into the fray. For only her second stage appearance, Clarke is going straight into the West End, in Chekhov’s The Seagull, and taking on the prestigious role of Nina. If she is nervous, she’s handling it in the usual way, which is to say with huge blasts of good cheer.

Two clichés about meeting starsis that they are a) smaller than you thought, but b) their features are stronger than expected. Both are true of Clarke. She is tiny, proper Kylie-tiny, nicely decked out in a gauzy beige-cream knit, some fashionably frayed jeans and pointy, well-worn white cowboy boots. Yet her eyes and grin look extra big: if she stays still, she’s a dainty doll, but as soon as she moves it’s Looney Tunes. To be clear, she never stays still.

This energy feels helpful, as we have a lot to pack in. After all, Clarke’s past decade has been particularly wild. Not only did she rocket suddenly to fame in GoT (until then, her only screen credit was an episode of Doctors), she also lost her father to cancer in 2016 and, as she revealed in 2019, had suffered a sequence of brain haemorrhages in her early twenties, just as the madness of GoT was kicking off.

In private, she experienced various exhausting surgeries at the same time as becoming one of pop culture’s favourite mascots, scrutinised relentlessly on a moral, artistic and very physical level. She recalls being in hospital recovering from an operation and picking up a newspaper. “I was, like, ‘I’m going to see if I can read it,’” she says. “And I was, like, ‘Oh my God, there’s a review of the show. And, oh God, they are just talking about how fat my arse is.’”(Which is the last review she read.)

All of which brings us to the elephant, or dragon, in the room. Over seven seasons, Daenerys, aka Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons, had one hell of an arc, going from weak dynastic pawnto all-conquering queen, a kind of Catherine the Great with sub-Barbarella hair. And then, oops! Daenerys, thrilled at almost achieving her goal of ruling the Seven Kingdoms, lost the plot, turned into a psychotic dead-eyed tyrant, massacring a whole city and essentially going the full Pol Pot. She was then abruptly bumped off by her lover-cum-nephew, Jon Snow, and a worldwide fanbase stopped and went: what?

For Clarke, it had been a hard secret to keep — she had known the ending long in advance. She admits she is still processing it all.

“When the show did end, it was like coming out of a bunker. Everything felt really strange. Then obviously for it to have the backlash it did …” Did she expect it? She slows down, a rare occurrence. “I knew how I felt when I first read it, and I tried, at every turn, not to consider too much what other people might say, but I did always consider what the fans might think — because we did it for them, and they were the ones who made us successful, so … it’s just polite, isn’t it?”

It’s clear Clarke is caught between her close friendship with the series’ creators, David Benioff and DB Weiss, and her deep awareness of what most fans wanted. In fact, she first suggests that it’s the news wot done it.

“I do think that the global temperature, how much horrific news there is consistently, goes a way to explain the enormity of the fans’ outrage,” she argues. “Because people are going, finally, here’s something I can actually see and understand and get some control back over … and then when that turns, and you don’t like what they’ve done …”

Hmm. It’s a nice theory, but with Daenerys we were just denied a happy ending, right? She nods quietly. “Yeah.” So did not getting that also make her sad? She tries to explain that “as an actor” it was actually all “a gift”, but eventually the tornado of diplomacy peters out. “Yeah, I felt for her. I really felt for her. And yeah, was I annoyed that Jon Snow didn’t have to deal with something?” She lets us out an exasperated laugh. “He got away with murder — literally.”

She also eventually agrees with the critique that the final season condensed far too much in far too little time (“We could have spun it out for a little longer”) and that it could simply have had more dialogue. “It was all about the set pieces,” she agrees. “I think the sensational nature of the show was, possibly, given a huge amount of airtime because that’s what makes sense.”

Is she at least happy it ended when it did? “I mean, ‘happy’ is a funny word. It’s a strong word. Again, the show was so big. I was a small cog in a very, very, very big machine …”

What she means, though, is that she actually liked this. The show provided a routine, a family, something to fall back on every year; it also gave her experience. “I very much feel my career is something that’s happened to me, as opposed to the other way around,” she says. But she can see that being a cog has its limits, as doesforever having to cater to fans and, yes, to the press. “Doing a show so many people had opinions about doesn’t serve your creativity on any level.”

All of which explains why she is doing this Seagull with Jamie Lloyd, the director who just landed raves for his Cyrano with James McAvoy. And, yes, although she knows it’s “hilarious”, she somehow does “identify closer with theatre”. This is mostly to do with her dad, who was a theatre engineer; her mother is a vice-president in marketing for a management consultancy firm. Clarke and her brother had an idyllic-sounding childhood in Oxfordshire. Inspired by her father’s job, she always wanted to be an actress, apparently from the age of three. “I think of him whenever I’m walking through the West End,” she says. “My dad is everywhere in the theatre, 100%.”

She says this happily; I get the impression she hasn’t finished grieving, she’s just moved on to a better, celebratory phase. How would he feel about her playing Nina? “I think he would be nervous for me,” she says with a chuckle. It is, she knows, a big role: Nina, the aspiring actress whose dreams of fame are dashed, but who plugs away regardless. “I was never your Nina at drama school, that’s for sure,” says Clarke. “I wasn’t really a favourite [there], at all.”

Instead, she got parts like Jewish grannies, or “a down-and-out, pissed-off, washed-up prostitute”. But did she always want to be Nina or Juliet? “Well, of course I did. Oh my God, yeah. So I’m in no doubt there’s still some of that in me where I’m like: ‘Oh my God, guys, check it out! Finally she got there.’”

Clarke does like to cast herself as an underdog, although, thankfully, she does seem mostly to be aware that she is coming from a place of privilege. By the end of GoT she was reportedly paid $500,000 an episode. Is money a concern any more? “I am careful,” she says. “I’m a lot more careful now than I was.” She has a lovely house in north London with a bar in the garden. She can pick jobs for their artistic content first and foremost (“I want to work with an auteur!”). So yes, she knows she has it good, which is why she waited several years before revealing her brain trauma.

“I didn’t want to turn it into this celebrity sob story. I didn’t want people’s pity or ‘Oh, poor little rich girl, your successful life ain’t good enough?’” She is now happy she did it. “It’s done a huge amount of healing for me, being able to open up about it.” Her health status is “beautiful” now. “I was match-fit six weeks after the second surgery [in 2013],” she clarifies. “But mentally …”

On the other end of the spectrum, her fame has made something else hard: dating. “I am single right now …” She says with a smile. “Dating in this industry is interesting. I have a lot of funny anecdotes, a lot of stuff I can say at a fun dinner.” She was last seen in 2018 with a film director, and before that she was linked to Seth MacFarlane and James Franco. Does she mostly date fellow actors, because that’s how the industry works? “I was, and now I’m not,” she says — more smiles.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say I’ve completely sworn off them, but I do think actor relationships that are successful are few and far between, and you have to have a ton of trust.” Now and then her friends tell her to try Raya, the dating app that is supposedly for more exclusive celeb types. When she looks at it, though, “it’s just models. What am I going to do there?”

In short, everything about Clarke’s life is still monumentally weird, but she is doing a good job of pretending it’s not. After the play, she has “any one of nine projects that could go at the end of this year, and I have no idea which one will win”. A lot, she announces, are “dark”. Would she do fantasy again? “I think, if I did, it would be me having a giggle,” she says. I take this to mean her doing a send-up, a kind of Extras take on GoT, but no: “I want to do something absolutely stupid and silly, like, you know, The Avengers or whatever. Something where I got to have a giggle with mates.”

I’ve never thought of the Marvel mega-franchise as a downtime laff with pals, but that’s the level Clarke is operating on. I suppose it’s a pretty good happy ending.

The Seagull, Playhouse, London WC2, until May 30

Press: Emilia Clarke interview: the Game of Thrones star on leaving Westeros behind to tackle the West End was originally published on Enchanting Emilia Clarke | Est 2012

[devnny]

CHAPTER ELEVEN.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

i like to call this chapter ‘AH, devi’s crazy TOO.’

[additional end-of-chapter drabble here: X ]

Devi watched Johnny brood sourly in the reflection of her rearview mirror, and couldn’t help but smile in amusement. There had been an argument between him and Tenna about who would be sitting in the passenger seat for this particular car ride – an argument that Johnny had bitterly lost.

“Who the fuck cares if you ‘called shotgun’…” She managed to hear him grumble under the thunderously loud music, and she snickered to herself.

Maybe she would pacify him with kindness later, if all went as planned tonight, but for now, Devi needed him to be in as pissy of a mood as possible without him being completely insufferable. She didn’t know the innerworkings of his fucked-up head too well, but she imagined that like anyone other person, he was more likely to get in a fight with someone if he was already in a bad mood.

The yellowed sign of the Camera slid across the windshield of the car as they drove past its front and turned into the small, poorly lit parking lot behind it. Devi had barely turned the engine off when Johnny undid his seatbelt, eager to leave his abhorred spot in the backseat. He got out and took in the familiar scenery of the theater’s dumpy, dark parking lot with a fond smile.

“Hm, I haven’t been here in quite a while.” He commented while Devi stepped out of the driver’s side beside him. She looked to him, then surveyed the area herself.

“Yeah, me either.” She replied, deciding not to mention that it was because of him that she had avoided this place for so long, then took up the leash that dangled loosely from his neck. Johnny’s eyes flickered down a moment at the movement, only to snort in remembrance of his new attachment.

Tenna looped around the trunk to meet them as they began their walk to the building.

“They still haven’t fixed that light by the dumpster?” She complained. “That’s been out for like, a year! Who knows what vile city dwellers could be lurking in the dark, ready to shiv me and steal my monies.”

Devi snorted a laugh.

“Eh. I’ve got the most dangerous thing in this parking lot roped to me, so I’m not too worried.”

Johnny smiled devilishly at that, and Tenna squinted apprehensively in his direction. Devi wasn’t wrong, she guessed, but was that really a good thing? She desperately hoped that whatever Devi was planning didn’t get either of them stabbed in the process.

The trio walked into the dull lighting of the entrance, and Johnny felt his asshat senses heightening by the second. He listened to the small crowd’s murmuring, pessimistically certain that someone would make a comment about either his attire, like usual, or the fact that he was currently adorned with pet equipment. A few people gave them weird stares, but his keenly tuned ears failed to hear if they said anything. Devi tugged him in the direction of the ticket booth, interrupting his paranoid scanning for the time being.

They settled on an old horror film, much to Tenna’s dismay, given the current company. Johnny felt some contentment in leading Devi to his old favored spot in their designated theater – he had a preferred spot in each of the Camera’s handful of theaters, back when he frequented the movies more often. He was also pleased when Devi readily sat beside him instead of putting Tenna between them, though it was most likely because having that damned leash drape over Tenna’s lap while she held it from the other side was impractical. He wanted to believe that she would have sat next to him anyway, even if the situation was different.

Devi only half-minded the movie, instead keeping her focus on Johnny’s behavior, which was more suspensefully entertaining than the cheesy, predictable stalking scenes of a film that she’d seen plenty of times as it was. She watched as covertly as she could at every twitch and look he gave to the people that laughed at inappropriate times, or talked through the ‘boring’ parts, and she felt some God-awful mixture of pride and disappointment that he did little else. Maybe his self-control had improved more than she thought it had.

The closest he got to losing it was when a couple of girls’ talking started getting progressively louder, as if they were unaware that their difficulty in hearing each other was because of the movie that they had paid to see. Devi could see Johnny tense, and could vaguely feel through their conjoined seat the movement of the muscles and tendons in his arm flexing and stretching as he ground his knuckles into a fist over and over. Before he could even yell at them, Tenna lobbed her still half-full box of candy over their row and hit one of the girls in the head with it, sending the shadows of little chocolates across the screen for a second, paired with her target’s aghast gag.

Johnny was surprised at the direct action, then built up a grim laugh into a quick cackle, joined by Tenna, who squealed out her usual high-pitched hyena laugh. Devi sunk back against her seat in defeat, already sensing by the hushed chatter a few seats ahead that the woman her friend had just beaned with a box of Raisinets was too weak-willed to confront their ‘larger’ group about it.

She tried to brush it off. Johnny was fantastic as drawing trouble to himself, and there would surely be another decent opportunity as the evening progressed; people were just too rude and shitty to not give him the desire for violence.

When the movie finished and they began their walk out to the street, Tenna insisted that she knew of an amazing little train of food trucks that parked nearby that they just had to try. It was almost six blocks away, and with the streets mostly dead, Devi would have insisted on any normal night that they drive there – of course, tonight was a little special, so she insisted that they walk.

“Yeah, I could use the exercise. Been cooped up in the apartment with Nny for one day too many.” Devi spoke nonchalantly about her choice, guiding Johnny smoothly away from the direction of the parking lot and toward where these alleged food trucks should be. She hoped along the way that Johnny would try and run from her side, at anything, even to chase a cat or something equally harmless.

Tenna nodded as though that made sense, but still had the gut instinct that Devi was up to something that she wouldn’t admit to. She kept her suspicions to herself while they trekked down the sidewalk, and instead continued talking up their eatery for the night.

Two streets passed, and Devi almost wanted to pout that Johnny had done nothing but walk dutifully by her side. He observed his surroundings with waning interest, unaware of Devi’s scrutiny. The darkened buildings of the already-closed shopping district blended together into one amorphous, black shape in his eyes, with his mind unable to find the square, uniform city architecture interesting for long. He was much happier looking at the starry sky, though it was difficult for many of the stars to appear brightly enough to be seen from a view inside the city. Stupid concrete monster wasn’t good for anything.

Partially coherent jabbering from Tenna failed to distract Devi from her disappointment in what was, so far, the most normal outing that she had had with Johnny since their reunion. She wished it wasn’t disappointing, but the entire purpose of this trip was to ensure that her leash idea would hold up in the face of Johnny’s unpredictable nature. She couldn’t afford to have a false sense of security when walking the streets with him!

The universe had thrown her so many asinine screwballs at this point that she wouldn’t be surprised if Johnny magically slipped his collar despite his big, dumb pumpkin head, or somehow had the unreasonable strength to break the clasp and attack something.

Why did he have to pick tonight to be on his very best behavior?

They reached the gated lot full of assorted food trucks without incident, and Devi’s lips vibrated with an annoyed exhale that sounded more like a disgruntled horse. Tenna assumed it was because of the gross, greasy looking people and food that awaited them, and gave her shoulder a friendly jostle.

“C’mon Devi! Truck food is amazing, you remember the hamburger sushi don’t you?” She asked with a giggly smile. Johnny made a face at the mention of ‘hamburger sushi’.

“Oh, I remember.” Devi eyerolled. It was actually pretty good, if she was being honest, but as of now she was bored with this completely fruitless adventure.

Johnny watched Devi curiously while they followed Tenna around the lot to different van windows, and his lower lip tented up in thought. She seemed unhappier suddenly, and he wondered why. Like Tenna, he speculated that it was because of their current environment, which he would emphatically agree was horrible. The mixing of smells from the numerous different types of frying dishes certainly did nothing for his already small appetite, and the people bumming around eating were all loud and irksome. And smelly.

“Devi, must we eat here?” Johnny whispered to her. Devi turned her head toward him.

“You don’t have to get anything if you’re not hungry.” She told him. “There’s food at home.”

Johnny pouted more.

“That’s not completely what I meant…” He mumbled, looking around. “The people here are wretched. Can’t we go somewhere more… completely absent of life?”

Devi looked at him for a moment before caving into quiet chuckles. Johnny felt his heart swell at the sound of her laugh. He steadied his composure as she moved to speak again, but her response was lost as Tenna called them over to the farthest corner of the lot.

“I FOUND THE HAMBURGER SUSHI TRUCK!” She yelled victoriously. Johnny’s mouth wormed miserably as Devi lead him to his doom of the fast-food version of fusion cuisine.

As they came to a stop beside Tenna, Devi noticed two men leaning up against the side of one of the buildings that walled off the lot, and raised her eyebrows in interest. They were smoking and drinking, and overall looked like the kind of late-night assholes that would loudly criticize others for a laugh. She wasn’t getting her hopes up, but kept their presence in mind as they waited for their food, just in case they were more trouble than she was asking for tonight.

 Tenna had ordered them two ‘cheeseburger’ rolls to share, and the concept of splitting two items between three people only vexed Johnny further. Now he would have to make certain – if he even bothered to EAT this disgusting-sounding thing – that whatever he was grabbing hadn’t already been handled by someone else. It was repulsive enough knowing whatever sweaty creature lurked in the van’s ‘kitchen’ was going to create this abomination with, likely, their bare hands.

He shivered in disgust.

The truck was either very popular, or the cook was very slow, because it was taking forever for their order to come out. As time drug on, Johnny began idly picking at his collar while Devi talked to Tenna. He was indifferent to their conversation topic, and his eyes listed over the rooftops of the surrounding structures, again looking for anything to occupy his thoughts while he was unable to have Devi’s undivided attention.

A particularly rude-sounding set of laughs resounded behind him, and his senses were suddenly sharp again. Anyone else wouldn’t have thought twice about it, probably wouldn’t have even heard it amongst the chatter of everyone else nearby, but Johnny was accustomed to being an object of ridicule, and knew the common vocalizations of assholes and bastards.

“Hey!” One of them said. He stopped to laugh again before continuing. “HEY! Dog-guy! Did she get you neutered too??”

Johnny and Devi both straightened at the comment, immediately aware that they were the subject of discussion. Johnny trembled a second as he attempted to swallow his insult, but failed, and turned to face the men that were trying to humiliate them. Devi only turned enough to side-glance at the interaction with a small, apprehensive smile.

“DOES MY SITUATION CONCERN YOU THAT MUCH?” Johnny yelled back at them. He steamed when the pair only ‘OOOH’d back at him in response before breaking into hysterics.

Devi watched as Johnny’s body began to shake more, and held her breath behind her inconspicuous expression as he took a step forward. Tenna eyed her in concern, uncertain why she wasn’t intervening into an exchange that would surely only escalate without her involvement.

“Hey girl, he’s had all his shots right? He looks rabid!” The other called toward Devi, and Johnny took even more offense that they would address her directly with their brainless, monkey-drool humor.

“SHUT YOUR MOUTHS.” He ordered, standing wide-legged and pointing aggressively in their direction. “DON’T SPEAK TO HER, you filthy, bleating, devolutions of humanity! I don’t come outside to be a spectacle for swine like YOU.”

His eye twitched when their response was something about him coming outside to have ‘walkies’, followed by further spittle-inducing laughter. Oh, how he hated people so very much. Just watching how unguarded they were as they hooted and gestured at him made his fingers twinge with the desire for physical mutilations. It would be so hard to laugh without tongues! Or faces! OR A HEARTBEAT!

The grit on the asphalt scuffed with the friction of his boot as he lunged toward his intended victims, and Devi barely had a chance to register he’d moved at all before her arm was outstretched, a continuation of his now taut leash. Within the second, her arm was extended as far as it would go, as was the leash, and Johnny gagged from the speed at which his collar hinged around his neck. His body propelled forward further, twisting him around, and he hit the ground face first with an unceremonious BLAP!

Everyone stared at his limp figure on the floor for a few seconds, and then the men spasmed with a new, uncontrollable fit of laughter. Devi’s eyes were wide as she watched Johnny raise up onto his elbows, and she felt a long-missing energy crackle to life in her stomach.

She bowled over and laughed; laughed with deep, desperately needed triumph beating in her blood.

“IT WORKED!” She yelled at Tenna as she rose. “DID YOU SEE? It worked!!”

Tenna offered her a confused, open-mouth smile, but her eyes only showed her worry and discomfort at Devi’s abnormal change in demeanor. Devi bent back and held her forehead, still laughing.

“Oh my GOD. That was so perfect!” She chuffed. “I… I can’t believe it! Heehee!”

Tenna set a hand on her shoulder.

“I think… all the joy you’ve repressed for like, an entire year, is coming out right now. All at once. About this weird fucking leash thing.” She dropped her hand and pointed to Devi’s wide smile. Devi’s only continued her snickering.

“It worked, it worked, it worked! HAH-HAH-HAH!”

Johnny’s ego couldn’t have been more bruised if he ran it over with his own car in a freak accident. He pushed himself up, using his knee to get back into a standing position. The bastards behind him were still laughing, and Devi was cutting up with Tenna about it too, which stung a lot more than the taunting of some nameless strangers. He tried to breathe between his clenched teeth to calm himself down, but he was so embarrassed and angry – Devi probably just let him make an ass out of himself to teach him a lesson. Why did she always have to make a fool out of him to get her point across? Talking and being gentle was an option too, if she didn’t know!

He couldn’t stop himself from glowering when she turned to face him.

“NNY!” She smiled at him, and Johnny frowned unhappily, believing her smile was part of her mockery. He could guess that Devi was going to reprimand him, again, for trying to attack some ‘innocent’ people – he was getting sick of this. Those morons were not innocent; they instigated this! She saw it!

“What?” He snapped bitterly. Devi only laughed and tugged him closer by his leash.

“That was PERFECT, I’m so happy!” She cheered. “You did just what I wanted you to do!”

The tension in Johnny’s face vanished immediately.

“I…” A weak smile crept over his lips. “I-I did??”

“YES! This night wasn’t a total waste after all!”

Johnny’s previous perception of her smile as cruel and jeering dissipated, and instead he felt himself amazed by the wide grin she wore. He hadn’t seen that particular smile on her in quite a long time, and the inside of his chest was suddenly light and airy. He had absolutely no idea what part of his actions exactly she was talking about, but he had made her so very happy, and that’s all that mattered to him for the moment. Johnny clasped his hands in front of him, admiring her continued giggling until Tenna approached them.

“Um… our food is done.” Tenna spoke while she chewed, still judging the bizarre scene uncertainly.

“Oh, good—” Devi took one of the take-out plates from her, but got distracted when she realized that the two peons she’d used to test Johnny’s apparatus were still guffawing in their direction. Her attention moved back to them, and Johnny followed her stare, scowling in their direction to show his support of her disapproving look. Devi passed him their food casually, and then slipped the handle of his leash off of her wrist.

“Here, hold this a second.” She said with a smile as she dropped it into Tenna’s open palm. Tenna almost gagged on her food when she realized what she had just gripped onto.

Johnny was surprised too – it was unlike Devi to give away control so casually. His wide eyes flicked away from Tenna’s hand and back to Devi, who was walking toward the men standing by the wall. He felt a twinge of worry; not because he thought Devi couldn’t handle these idiots, but rather that said idiots might touch her in some way.

If either of them pushed her or something, he would gut them both with the chopsticks that were so carefully perched on the raised edges of this disposable plate. No way would Tenna’s weak grasp be able to hold him back, he was confident in that.

Devi looked between the men in front of her as she walked, debating from her experience with shitty guys and their unspoken douchebag tier rankings, which of the two was more leader than follower. She thought that the one that first called out to Johnny, the taller one, was likely that man.

“Huh?” The same man said as he saw Devi encroaching on the invisible border of their hangout territory. “Oh, what’s the matter girlie? Did we upset your pet over there?”

He sneered a rude grin at her, and Devi smiled back, certain that she had chosen correctly.

With her last step, she drew her arm back, then hurled it forward as though her knotted fist was a shotput. Her knuckles cracked against the bottom of his jaw at such a speed that it threw him back with a light topspin. His turning body slammed his head into the brick wall behind him, and he bounced off of that like a sad rubber ball, landing at the wedge where the building and ground met in a heap.

Johnny and Tenna opened their mouths in silent gasps, unable to do anything else.

Devi held her fist in front of her a moment, appreciating the dull ache in her digits with a satisfied smirk, then dropped her expression to shoot the remaining man a warning look. He looked terrified, like a sheep separated from the flock, and Devi was content with that. She turned around and regathered her ‘things’ from Johnny and Tenna.

“C’mon, Nny.” Her mouth perked up again. “Let’s go.”

--

BACK HOME:

Johnny jammed himself further into the nesting spot he had made for himself on Devi’s couch, shuffling his legs to get more comfortable. His head lolled over to watch Devi, as it had many times since the movie started. It was supposed to be thought-provoking, said one of Devi’s film magazines, but by all accounts was dull and droned on aimlessly about the futility of society. It was a totally unbelievable portrayal of a mental downward spiral– and he would know. Where was the frenzied tears? The passion?

But, to be fair, even the most interesting, well-written plot in the history of cinema couldn’t keep his attention right now, with Devi sitting beside him lazily and scorning the images on her TV. His heart fluttered remembering her gleefulness just an hour ago, and how she decked that guy that had been laughing at him. Now that was passion.

A relaxed smile spread across his face, and he sighed contently. It had been such an exhausting night; from venturing into public, to enduring Tenna’s loud nature, to arguing with shitheads, to falling and hitting his head on the floor, to eating hamburger sushi – which was much better than he had imagined, actually – he was exhausted. It didn’t help that this movie was unengaging and badly-written. It would be a better use of his eyeballs to look at the dark inside of his eyelids.

Devi turned to make a sarcastic comment about the film, but lost her air when she saw Johnny asleep with his head tilted back over the couch cushion. She stifled a laugh.

“Wow. This movie must really be a boring piecashit to put you to sleep, Nny.” She said to him.

She pulled a wadded blanket out from her corner of the couch and threw it over him, then settled in to continue watching the rest of this abhorred picture. Maybe the ending would blow her fucking mind, or something.

Half an hour later, Devi’s cheek was stretched against the back of her hand, her head drooping despite her arm’s best efforts to keep it upright. She blamed her outburst of absolute joy tonight for taking so much out of her, and her weary brain decided it would be fine to fall asleep right here, beside Johnny, the man she normally locked her bedroom door to ensure didn’t come in and kill her while she slept. She didn’t even have enough cognitive function to argue how fucking stupid that was.

Devi’s eyelashes flittered closed for a few seconds, but just as she was drifting off to sleep, Johnny screamed at the top of his lungs and jolted her wide awake. Her hands clamped over the arm and top of the couch, and she scrambled back against the corner to stare at him. Johnny’s irises ricocheted around the whites of his eyes madly, before settling on Devi with the look of a frightened animal.

“…YOU GOOD?” Devi asked with concern and restrained fear in her voice.

Johnny looked cautiously around the room, then back to Devi, who was not bleeding or stabbed, as he had dreamed she was. He stared at her torso until he was absolutely positive that the injuries that he’d just seen seconds before were, in fact, figments of his imagination, and then relaxed shakingly against the couch cushion.

“Y… yes.” He choked out, then cleared his throat. “Yes. Just a… bad dream.”

He pulled the blanket on his lap up and around his shoulders, bundling it over his head and huddling up into a paranoid ball on the couch. Devi blinked tiredly, then rubbed her eyes as she mentally chastised herself for bothering to be startled by more of Johnny’s nonsense.

“Okay.” She sighed and stood. “I’m going to bed. That movie sucked, in case you were wondering.”

Johnny smiled fondly at her pessimism.

“Alright. Goodnight, Devi.”

“Night, Nny. Try and… get some rest.” She raised an eyebrow in reference to his previous panic, and left to her room.

Johnny watched her door close, then snatched up the remote and changed the output to cable. He focused on the TV as if his life depended on it, stubbornly refusing to even consider the notion of sleep again. ‘Get some rest’—yeah right! The night terrors were only getting more gruesome and realistic each time he slept, and he was not at all interested in seeing exactly how bad the dreams could get. He decided the best way to avoid that was to not sleep at all again, for as long as he could manage.

--

NEXT.

[wannabemerida]

I had so much fun writing my first kid fic with the help of my beta, @heartthrobphilly  and basing it off of @bluevlvvt ’s artwork (the link above!) —— Word count: 2.6k Prompt: Phil offers to drive his friends daughter (lola) to her ballet lesson. he runs into a cute dad with his daughter rosie. he offers to drive lola to her ballet lessons every week after that. (slow plot development lol) Warnings: light cursing, angst —— It’s 3:02pm as Phil waits outside of Brookside Elementary School. According to Ian, Lola usually exits through this door and waits to be retrieved from the playground. So far, there’s no sign of the little blonde girl playing outside.

A shout of “Uncle Phil!” catches his attention and he turns around to the soccer pitch just in time to see the kindergartener running at him, embracing him in a hug when they collide. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m taking care of you tonight, remember? Your dad has a big business dinner, and your mom is in Wolverhampton for her job, yeah?”

“Ohhhhh, I just thought Grandma would be taking care of me again,” the six year old explains, not seeming particularly fussed.

“C’mon, let’s head home.”

Two hours later when Phil suggests they order Chinese to the brick house, Lola quickly shuts his craving down. “Uncle Phil, we can’t have Chinese tonight, Thursdays are always Kraft Dinner nights, dummy!”

“Hey Lola, are you done with your dinner? You have ballet soon and still need to get ready!” Seeing Lola’s face that has a bit of the cheesy noodles left on it from quickly scarfing down her meal, Phil grabs a paper towel from the roll on the kitchen counter.

“Yeah! Do you have my leotard?” Phil grabs the light green leotard out of the overnight bag that Lola had brought along, handing it to her with the napkin, (“Lols, you’re a mess!”) her slippers, and a pair of tights.

The drive to the Portner Ballet Studio takes about 15 minutes, with Phil accidentally hitting every red light possible. This causes Lola some distress, claiming that the five minutes she has before class “isn’t enough to talk to Rosie, and she’s the only nice one there that I like.”

Nevertheless, when the raven-haired man and his favorite “niece” enter the building, a small girl with fluffy brown hair immediately runs up to Lola and hugs her. “Rosie, this is my Uncle Phil!

“Lola! You’re finally here! Daddy said you might not be coming today because you’re normally here before me,” the brunette pauses, “but you’re here now, see, Daddy? I told you she would come!”

Phil is frozen. The man who walks up behind Rosie is the most beautiful person Phil has seen, and that’s saying something, considering that Chris Hemsworth exists. But no, the curly brown fringe, hazel eyes, tall, lanky stature, and his soft face (not to mention his monochrome aesthetic and “best dad in the world” travel mug) easily outrank even the likes of Thor.

“Um, hey?” Phil is snapped out of his trance, needing to be able to respond to the greeting. “You’re Lola’s uncle?”

“Well, um, sort of? I’m really good family friends with Lola’s dad, and so I’m kind of an unofficial uncle to her.” Had he been responding to anything else, Phil probably would’ve stuttered, but the number of times he’s had to explain the title makes it so he can explain perfectly, even in front of someone this stunning.

“I’m- I’m Dan.” The two men glance over at the young girls who are chattering animatedly.

“Oh, yeah, Phil Lester.” Dan holds his hand out for a handshake.

“Rosie’s my daughter,” he says quietly, but there’s no mistaking the fondness he has when he says it.

“I can tell, she looks just like you, without the black and white.”

“Oh, I guess we do? My parents keep saying she looks like, um, Angie-” Dan’s voice decrescendos as he gets further along his sentence.

“Angie … is Rosie’s mom?”

“Oh, um, yeah.” Phil’s heart drops.

“Cool.” Not cool. Dan has a wife. Dan had a kid. With his wife.

“Have you got any kids?” Dan asks, a light blush still visible across his cheeks.

“Ah, no, I didn’t have time to find someone in Uni and now I’m single with 2 masters degrees.” Phil unconsciously plots a way to make himself seem more interesting.

“What are they in?” Dan asks, looking genuinely curious.

“I got my first one in English language and linguistics, and my second in post-production editing.”

“What do you do with those? How do they fit together?”

“I’m a special effects engineer for Disney, and they don’t really fit together to be honest,” Phil pauses, “although I do make YouTube videos and that kind of meshes them together,”

“Wow, um, cool,” Dan stutters.

“So what about you?”

“Huh?”

“What’s your job, besides ‘best dad in the world’?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m stupid.” Phil giggles, thinking of how his father would reply with ‘Hi stupid, I’m dad!’. “But I’m a writer for Vogue and I dabble in fashion photography. It’s mainly just taking photos of Rosie if I’m being honest, but the photographers sometimes get sick and I end up doing the shoot.”

“Vogue? Like, the fashion magazine?” Phil doesn’t know much about fashion, but he’s seen the magazine numerous times in the Tesco checkout lane.

“Yeah, well, technically it’s British Vogue, but…”

“Yeah.”

There’s a calm but slightly awkward silence as the conversation loses direction. The two men avoid eye contact, not wanting to make it worse.

The silence is broken by Dan’s tenor voice. “So what films have you worked on?”

“I got to work a bit on Spiderman: Homecoming, but the Live-action Beauty and the Beast was pretty fun. You know the scene where the gold leaf comes off of the ceiling to go on Belle’s dress?” When Dan nods, Phil breaks out into a grin. “That was me.”

“Wow.” Dan breathes out. “After she saw that, she kept trying to put stickers on her ceiling in the hopes that they would transfer to her shirt. It was a nightmare.”

“Ah, sorry.”

“Nah mate, it was kind of funny as well. I’ve got a few photos that I’ll save for when she graduates.”

“She’ll love that,” Phil chuckles, and the deep, throaty sound makes Dan’s heart stutter. “So you’re into fashion?”

Dan blushes. “Yeah? I mean I can’t really afford any designers, but I’ll turn into a fanboy at times.”

“Why do they charge so much? Like, half of the suits these designers make look identical to something I could buy from a department store for thousands of dollars less.”

“Well, a lot of designers carefully hand-make every piece, whereas the stuff you get in a store has probably been made by a pre-programmed machine and poorly paid workers in a factory. There’s also differences in fabric types, quality, and origins. And, a lot of designers will tailor the suit to perfectly fit you for a slightly higher price. If you go to a department store-”

“I see what you mean when you say you turn into a fanboy, but thank you for the mini lesson on why celebrities are willing to spend so much money on a navy tux. Your insights are amusing.” Phil grins.

“Did you also know that navy suits are better investments than black ones? It’s because the blue fits into so many more settings than a black one.”

While Phil could watch Dan talk about his passions for hours, just watching and memorizing how the lines change across his face, and God, that dimple, Phil supposes his relentless staring would get a bit creepy. “So what are the ballet lessons like? I’ve only been to a few of Lola’s performances.”

“Oh, um, well, they spend the first 20 minutes warming up, and then they move to the barre where they practice a bunch of stuff that’s in French that I can’t remember, and then they start to go over the routine for their next performance.”

“What is it?”

“What?”

“Their next performance?”

“Yeah! Sorry, I’m stupid,” Dan blushes for what must be the fiftieth time since he first met Phil. “The studio is putting on The Firebird.”

“No! Um, I mean, you’re not stupid. I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with The Firebird. What is it about?” Phil has heard the name before, but only in the context of movie scores resembling Stravinsky’s composition. “It sounds kind of intense, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, um, I don’t know much, but from what Rosie’s told me, the firebird gets caught by a prince and when he lets her go she helps him defeat the magician to save some princess, but I’m pretty sure I’m missing like half of the plot. I would say to just Google it and not to go by my word,” The nervous laughter emitted by Dan makes Phil instantly worry that he might have made the brunet uncomfortable or misread Dan’s friendliness as a blossoming friendship when it might have been a ploy to gather gossip for the nosy ballet moms.

“Thanks, I think I’ll trust you on that.” Dan offers a small smile at Phil’s response, letting the two men fall into silence as they watch the group of young girls and 3 boys practice their pliés and dégagés. An hour and a half later, the children exit the studio and find their guardians to go home.

“It was nice meeting you, Phil,’’ Dan admits as Rosie and Lola exchange a goodbye hug. The six words send Phil’s heart into overdrive and he feels his cheeks heating up.

“Yeah, you too, Dan,” Phil replies, proud of himself for not tripping over his words. Looking back, Phil’s whole interaction was impressive, considering his track record of ending up injured in some way.

Last time, Phil wound up with a broken ankle, having paid more attention to the cute digital renderer than the set of stairs they were walking down. It wasn’t all for nothing, though, Phil having gained the cute man’s phone number. Not that that did much for his love life, finding out two days that the boy he had his eyes on was dating the very female gaffer of their most recent movie, but that’s not the point.

This time, nothing will happen, because a) Phil dropping Lola off at ballet was a one time thing, so most likely, he’ll never see Dan again, and b) Dan has a daughter, who is his genetically, which means he has (or had) a wife, all summarizing that no matter how cute the brunet is, Dan is straight.

Not that Phil’s brain will accept that Dan is off-limits as a possible partner. Over the next few days, the image of soft brown eyes, curly fringes, and lanky limbs continuously make appearances in the back of Phil’s head. The very effective distractions cause Phil’s co-workers to worry, and PJ’s repetitive “have you been sleeping okay?”s have driven Phil to the point of insanity.

The answer to PJ’s question is quite easily “no”, Phil having only slept well once that week (he refused to admit it but that was the night that he got off to the image of a faceless figure who looked suspiciously like the boy who wouldn’t leave his head.)

By Wednesday, Phil was fed up with his brain’s reaction to not having seen Dan since the previous Thursday. Pulling out his phone, he does the only thing he can think of to satisfy his hungry mind. He calls Ian.

“Phil? Do you need something?” is the answer he gets when Ian finally picks up.

“No, um, I was just wondering, would you like me to take Lola to ballet again tomorrow?” Phil looks at the lines he had written down on a notepad, an effort to keep himself from going into a 20-minute rant about how in love with Dan he is.

“Sure, I guess? Why are you offering?”

“Just thought that you and Pam could use a break,”

“Oh, okay then, thanks! Same as last week?”

“Sure! Talk to you later!”

Phil’s convinced that his squeal of excitement was the reason that the people who lived across the street turned their lights on and not the fact that their smoke detector went off. He probably set that off too, in hindsight. And caused the stove fire.

23 hours later, Phil finds himself standing inside the dance studio again, surrounded by shrieking kids, chattering parents, and the faint sound of the top 20 radio playing in the background.

“Mister Phil! Where’s Lola?” Rosie pulls on Phil’s sleeve, stopping when she sees her best friend walk out of the bathroom.

“Why, Miss Rosie, she’s right there!” Rosie giggles, pulling out of a hug with Lola.

“I know that now, silly.” She and Lola run into the studio, eager to get to do the optional partner stretches before class starts.

“Are you Lola’s father?” A woman dressed in a skirt suit and heels walks up behind Phil.

“Oh, no, I’m just a family friend. I occasionally take Lola to ballet to give her parents some alone time.”

“Ah.” The woman sticks her hand out for a handshake. “I’m Angela Wright, Rosie’s mom.”

Had there been a small creature under it, Phil’s heart would have killed it from the speed at which it fell. He knew that Rosie had a mom, that Dan had a wife, that Dan wasn’t available. So why did it still hurt so much?

“Oh, cool,” Phil responds a moment later, his voice considerably deflated.

Phil’s unspoken question is answered right as it pops into is head. “Dan contracted the flu, and is stuck at home in bed, which is why I’m here this week. I’m normally responsible for taking Rosie to taekwondo while he takes care of ballet lessons, but that evidently won’t work this week. Honestly, it’s just like Dan to get a winter disease in the middle of summer.”

“I was going to ask about setting up a playdate between Rosie and Lola, but…” Angie trails off.

“Yeah,” Phil nods in understanding, not liking this woman any more than he did a minute ago. “I’m gonna go sit down.” No response comes from the woman, but Phil’s not particularly bothered.

Maybe he should be nicer to the wife of the man he’s stupidly trying to woo, but he just can’t. How is he supposed to be nice to his competition, who’s already clearly won?

When he vaguely notices the ballet instructor make a big motion with her arms, Phil decides that watching a group of five and six year olds is an adequate distraction from the turmoil in his brain. After 10 minutes of watching the kids do various tasks, jumping and prancing around the room, he zones off.

“Uncle Phillll, come onnnnnnn!” wakes Phil from his trance, no longer seeing the ballet students in the studio but now milling around the lobby and leaving. “Class ended like, forever ago! Can we leave? I wanna go get ice cream!”

A quick look at the clock told Phil that class had only ended 5 minutes ago, but to an antsy six-year-old, he supposed that could feel like an eternity.

“Lola, we aren’t getting ice cream. I’d rather not have your parents be mad at me for loading you up on sugar, right?” The small girl pouts but grabs Phil’s hand, dragging him to the car.

While it was easy getting Lola into her car seat, getting her out was a whole other task. It took Phil, Ian, Pamela, a blanket, 2 stuffed animals, and a lullaby to successfully remove the sleeping child out of the carseat, into the house, and onto her bed where she could sleep without interruption.

Once he was back in his car, Phil sat in the driveway, resting his head on the steering wheel, regretting ever offering to take Lola to dance lessons at all. Remember back in college when all those crushes were single? You fucked up, bud.

[unnecessary-database]

every movie has multiple epilogues, right?

 (the epilogues will be multiple)  (if you’re new here, don’t start here.)

Filming with a freshly engaged Kara and Lena was both a dream and a nightmare, Sam reflected. Their chemistry on screen had only grown with the years, going from something big and raw and nervous and real to something easy and safe and true and wonderful. It was exactly what Sam wanted to show on screen with a relationship, especially between two women. It went even better since Lena and Kara were so clearly stupidly in love and on the same exact page. It was a nightmare because they were stupidly in love. 

Sam had been dumb enough to film the bedroom scenes in the middle of the schedule. There had been another hickey fight, which the makeup department thought was amusing until they realized they had to cover said hickeys every morning. Kara had most definitely started it this time. Kara still maintained it was Lena's fault, since Lena started it the last time. (That was partially true. Lena had started it in revenge for the first time, though Lena had started it the first time too. Sam was still torn between grateful and annoyed she had them film those scenes towards the end of the movie last time, so they were together in real life when they did it. She had specifically planned it so hopefully they'd get their shit together and she wouldn't have to suffer through them playing that one out as "best friends". She was right, but then had to deal with them as a couple. It was a marginal win.) 

The hickey fight was, while amusing to most of the crew, almost entirely irritating to Sam, though she was sure she'd laugh about it eventually. Like when she used it as blackmail. She did have plenty of pictures of both of them covered in hickeys in bizarre locations. "I'm honestly stunned the two of you manage to contain the hickey fight to the filming of those scenes," Sam muttered at them at the end of one. Kara, already a little red, blushed scarlet, and Sam held up a hand. "I don't want to know."

Filming with them was also a nightmare because of how many of Sam's crew were hopeless shippers that couldn't stop sighing dreamily whenever they did something especially cute. And a fifteen-year-old Ruby that only wanted to spend her time with Lena and Kara, who were mostly only too happy to take her in.

But all in all, the dream side won out. Sam rarely had to track them down separately anymore. They both had their own trailers, but Sam was pretty sure that Ruby had taken over Lena's and turned it into a video game hideout, and Lena had yet to be seen inside of it. They were both always in only the highest of spirits, and did that annoying thing where they dragged everyone else up to cloud nine with them. Mostly though, Sam was just pleased she didn't have to watch them dance around each other anymore. That shit had been painful. 

Maybe also because Kara and Lena had already asked her to officiate the wedding.

---

"Lena," Kara whined. "We. Are. Going. To. Be. Late."

"And whose fault is that?" Lena called, and Kara sighed. 

"Sam's, I'm gonna say," Kara yelled back. "She put filming that final sex scene on the second to last day. She knew we'd have another hickey fight."

"And yet," Lena reminded her, appearing from the bathroom and tilting her head back for inspection. Kara nodded; nothing was visible. "You were the one who put them in such an obvious spot." Kara tugged at her collar wordlessly, baring her collarbone, which was much more colorful than usual. Lena shrugged, unrepentant. "Maybe I did it because I knew Sam wanted you in suits until the movie came out for promotional reasons."

"Uh huh," Kara said, accepting Lena's chaste kiss on her cheek. "Or maybe you are the one that wanted me in suits."

"So what if I do?" Lena asked nonchalantly, reaching for her purse and heading for the door. "It's good press, that's all I have to say about--oh!"

Kara had picked her up from behind and spun her around. "If you do, I might have to have a word with your inner demon-witch," Kara said, releasing her and failing to contain a smile. "Because she's not quite so inner every once in a while."

"Oh, please," Lena huffed, "I've been like this the entire time you've known me and you love it."

Kara tilted her head, considering. She twisted her lips to the side, and Lena raised an eyebrow. "You're right," Kara decided. "Now come on, Miss Morally-Redeemable-Demon-Witch, we've got tickets to the gayest show on Broadway's final run with its original stars and we really cannot be late, Winn and James will kill us."

"Alright, alright," Lena said, pushing at Kara's stomach to get her to move out the door. "After you, Prince Charming."

"Don't start," Kara warned, trying for stern but unable to stop the smile from pushing up at her lips. "Actually, why did you even start that?"

Lena shrugged. "I think it's very fitting. You're very dashing, you always charm everyone, you're like this paragon of goodness. You rescued me from my horrible family."

Kara wrapped an arm around Lena's shoulders and kissed the side of her head gently. "I know we've talked about this a million times before," she said in Lena's ear as they stepped onto the sidewalk, "But I never rescued you. I'm thrilled to be awarded the honor of being there for you, but you rescued yourself all on your own."

Lena took a deep breath in and out. "I know." She was silent for a moment, squeezing at Kara's hand. She smirked. "Maybe it's just because of your abs then."

"For the love of--"

"Come on, Kara, we can't be late. I know you've seen the show fifteen times already but it's still their last run." Lena tilted her head thoughtfully, smiling widely. "And Winn and James' two-year anniversary."

---

"Soon-to-be-married superstars are taking a break to go rebuild a barn?" Alex stared at them. "Lena, unless you've got something up your sleeve, this is a very poor plan. Kara knows nothing about building. She might look it, but she is not the handy type of gay. She can build a set, but structural supports? That thing will crush you in your sleep and I am not ever going to be in the mood to drive an hour upstate to come dig the pair of you out of the rubble."

Lena snorted and Kara protested, Maggie snickering in the background. "Relax, Alex, we're just redecorating. We already paid someone to do it. We're just helping with the design. It's where we're going to have the wedding, you know we've already set the date. Plus, you're all welcome to come visit."

 "Just not right away," Kara muttered. "We've barely finished with the press tour and haven't been alone together for more than a minute since New York." Lena slid her fingers into Kara's, whose frown eased out slowly.

Maggie raised a glass. "Cheers to your lesbian hideaway, then. May we borrow it when you aren't aware for forevermore."

---

Lena woke up to the sound of Kara cursing fluently and the smoke alarm. 

"Fuck ow shit damn fuck, the fuck is wrong with this thing? Shut up, you're a fucking mechanical piece of engineering, so stop beeping at the smell of my burned flesh it is seven thirty in the morning, for the love of god and sweet shit, there isn't even any smoke, thank you, that's right, shut the fuck up you motherfucking little--oh. Hey Lena."

Lena felt her eyebrow rise as she moved into the kitchen, wrapping her robe a little more firmly around herself. They were still working on central heating solutions. "Having fun with the kitchen?"

Kara smiled sheepishly, her face at total odds with the stream of venom coming out of her moments ago, especially with two of her fingers stuck in her mouth in a fashion that could only be described as adorable. She removed them to show Lena a mild burn across the backs of them, and Lena clicked her tongue in disapproval, moving the freezer to pull out the frozen peas. "Thanks," Kara murmured, hissing as Lena pressed them against the burn. 

"Morning, darling," Lena said mildly, and Kara looked up from her burned hand shyly.

"I was going to make you breakfast," she said. "I had not, um, something went wrong."

Lena glanced over to where Kara had at least successfully turned all the heat off the range. "Has it been a while since you cooked this?"

"New recipe," Kara admitted guiltily. "I wanted to try that thing on Giada last night."

Lena's stomach chose that moment to grumble, and Kara quirked an eyebrow. "Shut up," Lena muttered automatically, and Kara grinned. "Darling, that's very sweet of you, but I thought we established after the knife-in-your-finger-instead-of-the-corn and blood-in-the-cornbread incident that you wouldn't try any new recipes without going over them with me first so we could plan it out?"

Kara pouted, and Lena sighed. "But Giada went over it," she whined at her peas, still firmly facing the floor. 

"You have different strengths than Giada, superstar." Lena ducked to kiss Kara, who accepted it with her lower lip stuck out just the slightest, and Lena smiled into her. "Sit down and walk me through it." The smoke alarm went off again, and Lena sighed. "Over cereal," she added firmly, and ignored Kara's dramatic sigh. "I have plans for you that involve you being whole, and I am not about reschedule because you were feeling chivalrous, Prince Charming."

Kara smiled, slow and easy, and Lena felt the familiar warmth creep into her chest. "Yes, ma'am, Miss Robot Murderer."

"That really was your favorite role of mine, wasn't it?” Lena mused, pulling cereal out of the cabinet. “And we hadn't even met yet."

Kara blushed and looked back at her peas. "No comment."

Lena narrowed her eyes. "Oh, there will be a comment," she vowed, and watched with satisfaction the red creep up Kara's neck.

[bbclesmis]

‘Valjean is like Spider-Man’

DOMINIC WEST FIGURES he's played his share of awful people. The serial killer Fred West in Appropriate Adult? Jimmy McNulty, the Baltimore cop in The Wire? A lovable rogue, but a rogue nonetheless. Noah Solloway, the lead in The Affair? "He's deeply silly," West contends. "Just a silly man!" In the film Colette (out this Friday), he plays a sadistic husband who locks his gifted wife (Keira Knightley) away and makes her write books for which he claims credit.

"As an actor, you do live with these people and experience what they're feeling," sighs the actor, 49. "If they're a******s, it's exhausting and ultimately degrading. So it was such a relief to play someone who's great." And he smiles that irascible smile, the one that makes you root for West even when he's playing murderers and pretentious, adulterous novelists.

Jean Valjean, West's character in the BBC's adaptation of Les Miserables, is not only "great" in the actor's eyes. He is nothing less than the "greatest hero in all literature": a superhero ex-convict who has spent 19 years in prison being tortured by Inspector Javert (David Oyelowo) for stealing a loaf of bread, but who determines on his release to be the best possible man he can be... with heartbreaking results.

West considers Victor Hugo's French revolutionary epic to be the "greatest novel ever written", too - "much better than War and Peace!" - and certainly much better than the famous musical (he's not a fan).

"Valjean is not just a good guy, he's an amazing guy. Like Spider-Man!" he beams. "He climbs up the sides of buildings to rescue kids. And he has the legitimacy of intense suffering; he's done 19 years of hard labour. That knocks Iron Man into a cocked hat! Then you get into the humanity of Valjean, his demons, his desperate need to redeem himself... He's trying not to be the brute that the prison has turned him into. You become a better person by spending time with someone like that."

He has asked me to his home, a converted brewery in Wiltshire that he shares with his wife, Catherine FitzGerald, and four children - Dora, 11, Senan, ten, Francis, nine, and Christabel, five - "I'm trying to cut down," he jokes. (He has another daughter, Martha, from his first marriage, who is studying English at Oxford and wants to act.) "I think all households should have a five-year-old girl running round," he says. "I just think it's better for children. Stops them from becoming little princesses. It's much harder to be a spoilt brat as one of four."

HE OPENS THE door unshaven and unkempt with a general air of bohemian bonhomie. He puts on a succession of silly voices as he leads me through to his kitchen. "Teas? Light refreshments? Do we want hot milk in our coffees? Yes?" He's such a chameleon as an actor that even his own accent sounds as if it's put on. He was educated at Eton, but his family isn't proper posh. His Irish father owned a plastics factory in Sheffield, his mother was an actor and he's the sixth of seven children.

The Wests have been doing up the house for about three years, but only moved in last summer - there are paintings waiting to be hung, pieces of Lego, mugs, antiques scattered around... The house used to be a "very manageable cottage next to a derelict brewery, but having decided to connect them all together they're only now getting used to the layout. "There are about five different doors to choose from. I didn't realise how spread out it would be. It's enormous!" They moved from west London to give the kids more space to range around when they're teenagers: "I want my kids to be around trees and animals more."

We take refuge in his office, up in the rafters of the old brewery, where he sinks into an armchair and resumes recounting his love affair with Les Miserables.

THE BBC VERSION is written by Andrew Davies and picks up more or less where his adaptation of War and Peace left off. It opens on the field of Waterloo in 1815 in the aftermath of Napoleon's defeat. Back in Paris, the royalists are resurgent - but can't quell the forces unleashed by the Revolution.

In the first episode, we follow Valjean's ill-starred attempts at redemption after his nemesis, Javert, releases him; meanwhile, the grisette Fantine (Lily Collins) falls for a cad (Johnny Flynn) and becomes pregnant with little Cosette - whose path will cross with Valjean's in the future. Six episodes, much heartache and many improbable coincidences will take us all the way up to the 1832 June Rebellion in Paris.

West hadn't read the epic novel, but now that he has, he's a convert. He even loves Hugo's digressions into the design of the Paris sewers. "Actually, I'd have loved it if we could have made six seasons out of it," he says. 'There's more than enough material and it's all important and relevant. As with any great classic, it's big enough to handle any amount of interpretations."

Javert's antipathy to Valjean is one of the engines of the plot - but it's also something of a mystery. Why does Javert hate him so much? "I always like to trace motivations to sex," West says. "I said to David, 'Javert obviously fancies him!' But he thought that was crass."

Did the rivalry extend off-set? "You're never quite sure where the character ends and the actor starts," he laughs. "But the key to David is that he's actually royal. He's a prince in Nigeria. And he doesn't drink. He's very religious. He's been married to his wife since he was 19 and they have four beautiful children. I hadn't realised people like that existed in the acting world! He's a very inspiring guy."

The co-stars decided it was the shared trauma of being institutionalised that set their characters against one another. "Valjean doesn't think he deserves anything other than brutality. Javert is constantly reminding him he's just a common criminal who breaks rocks and murders people."

Oyelowo is one of a number of non-white actors in the cast, marking a departure from traditional costume-drama casting. West jokes that he really wanted to do it all with 'A1lo'Allo accents, but: "Like any classic, it's not a museum piece. It has relevance to modern life. Eponine and the girls all talk like modern London girls. And therefore it looks like modern Britain, too."

THE PRODUCTION LOOKS likely to make Collins, as Fantine, a star. "She's incredible," says West. "It's an exhausting part. So harrowing. Any actress who goes for it deserves all the accolades she gets..." The first scene they shot together was Fantine's death, filmed in a freezing manor house outside Brussels at 5am. "She really went for it. I was like, 'Oh my God! How did you do those spasm things?' She said, 'I just made it up'." I imagine it's reassuring to have West on set: he is very experienced, but doesn't take himself too seriously. Do the younger actors come to him for advice? "Pfah! No. I'm jaded and lazy."

The Wire was the show that brought him fame, as well as a credibility not usually open to Old Etonians. But originally he didn't want to be in it. "And it turns out to have been the one thing that everyone knows me for and it was one of the best shows ever made! I think [creator] David Simon is almost the Victor Hugo of our time... certainly the Charles Dickens."

The Affair offers more escapist pleasure, its marital rows interspersed with good-looking people having sex (even if he doesn't think much of Noah). The Wests are about to decamp to LA for the filming of the final season, but it will be without Ruth Wilson this time. Last February, she disclosed in a Radio Times interview that she was "sure" she earned less than West. "I don't want more money, I just want equal money," she added. Not long after that her character Alison Bailey was killed off. What was all that about? "Oh, not related!" West yelps.

He remains good friends with Wilson. The main point of contention on set was whose behind would be visible in the sex scenes. "We used to fight about it. 'You're on top this time', 'No! I was on top the last three times!'"

He'd never given much thought to who was paid what, he says. "I never asked what the money is on a show. It was more a question of if I wanted to do it. So it woke me up to the issue. I never realised the disparity and the injustice."

It's one of a number of changes he has noticed since the #MeToo movement gained ground. "One thing that's happened is a positive discrimination in favour of female directors. But the main thing is that unacceptable behaviour from male directors or actors is now either not possible, or you can call them out on it. There was one guy in particular whose behaviour was disgusting. Particularly to young females in minor roles. I tried to counter it on several occasions. But now it wouldn't be so hard to get rid of them."

'Treatment of women has taken a big step back in television'

He twists his face in derision at those who feel the feminists have gone "too far". "Treatment of women has taken a big step back in the past 20 years," he says, his voice rising. "Particularly in television, which has become more pornographic and the burden of that falls squarely on young women. Things like Game of Thrones, where you get a pair of bare breasts every five minutes... I mustn't say this, but..." Say it!

"I'm fairly sure that 20 years ago young actresses would not have had pressure put on them to take their clothes off. The parts young actresses get, particularly pretty ones, involve violent rape. When I think about my daughter going into the profession... I'm just really glad that #MeToo has started to counteract what has happened in the past 20 years."

He puts it down to internet porn - "It's made boys feel that women are sex objects who are easily available" - as well as social media. "If you can swipe someone's face because you don't think they're pretty and it costs you that little... I haven't done it myself, but it cheapens it."

HE's CONCERNED AT the turn the world is taking: he mentions Trump, climate change, teenage boys becoming addicted to the online game Fortnite. A wariness of modernity seems to have inspired the move to the countryside; he and his wife are "luddites", he confesses. "I'm not one of those people who say, 'How can you bring children into this world?' But I do want to spend a lot more time hanging out with my kids and running around in forests."

Once he has finished filming the last season of The Affair, he plans to hire an enormous camper van, bundle the entire family into it and spend a few months driving around the States.

"It's the last chance we have," he explains. "They're nearly teenagers, so they're not going to want to spend that much time with their old man for much longer. I've spent a long time away from them. So we're taking six months, four months of it travelling. I've taken them out of school - there are no big exams. We'll home school them. They'll read. No screens. You're not going to get a better education than that. If you travel with as little as possible, you get much more interesting experiences."

Radio Times 5-11 January 2019

[justheretobreakthings]

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice

A Voltron: Legendary Defender fic Central Characters: Lance, James, Keith Word Count: 4,322 Read on AO3

Summary: When Lance needs to blow off some steam after a frustrating morning with Keith, he finds himself with an unexpected and very indulging confidant.

“Oh, good, you guys are here,” Lance said as he entered the Garrison rec room and plopped down onto the couch. Hunk, in the corner of the couch opposite him, looked up from the book he was reading, while Pidge, sitting crossed-legged on the floor next to him with earbuds plugged into the laptop balanced on her knees, tilted her head back to look at him upside-down. “You would not believe the morning I’ve had,” Lance sighed.

“What happened?” Hunk asked.

“Okay, so, you know how Keith and I agreed to do that school visit with Red and Black today?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, leave it to Mullet to go and decide to make a mess of the thing. How hard can it possibly be to - ?”

“Here we go,” Pidge muttered, rolling her eyes and removing her earbuds.

Lance raised a brow and turned to her. “I’m sorry? What do you mean ‘here we go’?”

“I mean, here we go, it’s time for our daily helping of Lance-whining-about-Keith.”

Lance bristled. “I do not whine!”

“Call it what you like,” Pidge said with a shrug. “But let’s face the facts - you do complain about him a lot.”

“I don’t complain about him that much! Hunk, back me up here.”

Hunk offered him a sheepish shrug. “Well, she’s got a point…”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, I complain about him. But only because he gives me so much to complain about!”

“Uh-huh,” Pidge said. “So what pissed you off today? What’d Keith do? Was it something about his hair? His attitude? Way he dresses? Did he not laugh at one of your jokes, Lance? Do you need a hug, would that make it all better?”

Lance scowled and crossed his arms. “You know what? Friends listen to friends who need to vent.”

“Oh, I’m listening,” Pidge said. She put her headphones back in and turned the volume of her music up so loudly that Lance could hear it where he was standing. “Go on, I’m all ears.”

His scowl deepening, Lance flipped her off and turned to Hunk. Just as he was opening up his mouth to speak, Hunk cut him off by saying, “Actually, Lance, I’m at a really good part in this book, so, um, I don’t think I can spare the time to listen to a Keith Rant right now…”

“First of all, let’s not start calling them ‘Keith Rants’ like they’re an official thing, I’m just letting off steam. Second of all, fine, if my friends don’t want to hear about my day, I’ll just head to lunch and vent to my mashed potatoes. Thanks for nothing.”

“You’re welcome,” Hunk said, lifting his book and returning his attention to it. Pidge didn’t so much as glance in his direction. With a sigh, Lance left the room and made his way to the cafeteria, grumbling under his breath as he went.

He left off his grumbling as he made it to the Garrison cafeteria, and kept quiet long enough to get a tray filled and find a seat at an empty table before he resumed, muttering to himself as he stabbed at his pineapple chunks.

“Um,” a voice interrupted him a minute in, and he looked up to see James Griffin standing across from him is his orange uniform, raising a brow at him. “Do you mind if I sit here, or are you already chatting with someone?”

“Go ahead,” Lance said, gesturing with his fork to the seat across from him, which James sank into. “Sorry ‘bout that, just been a long morning.”

“How so?” James asked.

“Had that school visit with Keith today. Don’t know whose idea it was to schedule just us for it, but I swear, I’m never doing a presentation with Keith again.”

“What happened?”

“Well,” Lance said, “We both had to memorize parts for the first half of the presentation, and that went fine. But then we had this Q-and-A portion, and it was like Keith just completely forgot how to do public speaking. The man cannot string two words together if he doesn’t rehearse them beforehand, so I wound up pretty much having to do that whole portion on my own. Then we’re introducing the kids to the lions, showing them around, and I’m starting to think Keith has never even interacted with a child before, because he is absolute shit at it. Plus he flat out scared one kid; little guy jumps up for a surprise piggyback ride on him and Keith knocks him off and snarls at him like he’s gonna eat him.”

He paused to take a bite of his lunch before continuing. “Whole thing was just… gah. He saddles me with most of the work, and then proceeds to make both of us look bad in front of the kids. I swear, Keith should not be allowed to do any press events ever.”

“Hey, I hear you,” James said through a bite of his own sandwich. “We’ve all seen the press photos. I’ve yet to see one where Kogane doesn’t look like he wants to beat up whoever’s manning the camera.”

Lance let out a laugh. “I know, right? Like, seriously, would it kill him to learn to take a decent photo? Designated leader of Voltron, and yet he’s the paladin who’s worst at making a first impression.”

“So, he’s like, the official ‘leader’ of the group, right?” James asked. “Thought I’d seen a press release say that but…”

“Technically, yeah,” Lance sighed. “Basically, the person who pilots the Black Lion gets to call the shots in battle. Although, full disclosure, for most things Shiro and Allura’s words are above Keith’s. And Keith’s never really been the kind of person you think of when the phrase ‘born leader’ comes to mind or anything. He’s as likely to go running off on his own as he is to actually do his ‘leader’ job.”

“Honestly, doesn’t sound like he’s changed all that much since the Garrison,” James said. “Remember the sorts of things he would do during sims?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Lance groaned. “Pretty sure we all did three times as many drills as any other class in the history of the Garrison on account of Keith’s dumb stunts.”

“He didn’t get better in fighter class, you know,” James said. “‘Star student’ or not, no one wanted to work with him. I was friends with the guy they had assigned to be Kogane’s comm spec the first year of fighter training, and apparently he and the group’s engineer wound up begging to get assigned a different pilot, he was so annoying. Wouldn’t talk with them, wouldn’t listen to them. I don’t know how you managed to spend all that time stuck out in space with him.”

“Believe me, it wasn’t easy,” Lance said with a little grin. “The guy’s no fun at all. Whenever the whole group’s together, he spends the whole time just sulking in a corner, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard him laugh. Even when he gets the joke; sometimes he will actually just straight-up turn to Pidge or Shiro and have them explain punchlines to him. You can’t hold a conversation with him.”

“Well, hey, don’t be so quick to knock that,” James said. “There’s advantages to him not getting jokes. Some of us in fighter class would have this sort of game where we’d talk to him in euphemisms and references and keep score of how often Kogane would catch on when we insulted him, and how often it just went over his head. Dude was batting, like, a fifty. It was honestly kinda sad.”

Lance laughed. This was… nice. It was nice to get some Keith-related gripes out of his system. Hunk didn’t let him vent about Keith the way he used to - and Lance had never figured out the reason for the change - Pidge never paid any attention to him when he did, and God forbid he ever try to air any of it to Shiro. The former Black Paladin seemed reluctant to believe that Keith was anything short of perfect in spite of any evidence to the contrary. “I gotta tell you, it’s a breath of fresh air,” he said. “Didn’t know he got under everyone else’s skin too. I had started thinking I was the only one at the Garrison who didn’t worship the ground Keith walked on.”

“Oh, there were people like that,” James said with a shrug. “But that’s only because they only knew Kogane as the master pilot, not the warts-and-all version we got. The people who thought he was role model material didn’t see the way he’d lose his mind if someone in the room would click their pen too much, or the fact that he won’t use a urinal if anyone else is in the restroom, or, God, the fact that he would fucking sing to himself in the cockpit if he didn’t think anyone was listening.”

“He still does that!” Lance cried in delight. “The singing thing! We’ve caught him at it a couple of times. Pidge managed to get a recording of him once, singing this, like, theme song he made up for the lions or something. I don’t think he knows the recording even exists.”

“Lance,” James said. “Lance, you have got to send that to me. I haven’t had a decent ringtone in so long. God, I had a couple videos saved of him back during the Garrison days that I’d totally trade you for, but that was, like, two phones ago.”

“Well, hey, there’s no shortage where that came from,” Lance said. “Keep an eye on him long enough, he’s bound to do something worth recording. I’m gonna have to see what’s on his vlog at some point.”

“His vlog?”

“Coran had all of us film these little vlog things for ‘historical’ reasons, and Keith straight-up refuses to let anyone watch his. Must have wound up recording something pretty damn embarrassing, but who knows what it was.”

“If you ever get hold of that footage, send it my way. You gonna eat that coleslaw?” James asked, pointing to Lance’s tray.

“Have at it,” Lance said, sliding the cup over. “You realize, of course, that now you’re really starting to rack up a bill for how much you owe me.”

“Oh, I’ll figure out a way to pay it,” James said as he began digging into the coleslaw. “You want me to mess with Keith for you? There’s always a stock of old standbys from the Garrison, but I can come up with more sophisticated stuff.”

“Old standbys?” Lance asked, raising a brow. “What do you mean?”

“You know, just little pranks the other people in fighter class would pull on him sometimes. Old school teenager things. Grease on his gearshift, put old food in his bag, piss in his shampoo. Stupid stuff like that.”

Lance wrinkled his nose. “People did that?”

“Shampoo was his roommate’s doing,” James answered, “But I don’t think he ever even noticed that one.”

“Not surprising. You’ve seen his hair, I don’t think he gives two shits what he puts in it.”

“Fair point,” James said with a nod. “Give him a horseshoe mustache to complete the look and he could be living in a garage in the nineteen-eighties.”

“You know he doesn’t shave?” Lance said.

“Hm?”

“Yeah, he’s the only one of the paladins who didn’t keep a razor in our communal bathroom, and I figured maybe he kept it in his room and just carried it back and forth for some reason and shaved in private. But then he winds up on this, like, two-year-long camping trip with his mom, and comes back without so much as a single hair of stubble. He just flat out can’t grow facial hair.”

James let out a bark of laughter. “Oh my god. You think that’s why he grows that mullet thing of his out so long? ‘Cause he’s overcompensating?”

“Ha, it wouldn’t surprise me,” Lance said.

“Wow. And, shit, you’d think with his mom being what she is, he’d have wound up covered in the stuff. Guess it’s not genetic. He oughta be relieved; his dad goes and fucks a goddamn Hibagon, what came out could have been a total furry mess.”

Lance’s smirk faltered a little on that remark. “Okay, let’s, ah – let’s not bring Krolia into anything, she’s – ”

“Oh, Keith still hung up on his mommy issues?” James asked. He set aside his coleslaw and leaned his chair back onto two legs, crossing his arms behind his head and kicking his feet up to table’s surface. “God, he was always so nuts about anything to do with his parents back at the Garrison. Anyone just mentioning them would set him off. I mean, I guess I can understand why, now. I’d probably have mommy issues too if mine was a fucking alien, but it got annoying as hell back at school. Not like he was the only kid in the school who had issues with their parents, he’s just the only one who had such thin skin about it.”

“James,” Lance said, frowning at him. “Seriously, could we talk about something else?”

James turned to him with a raised brow, then brought his feet back down to the floor to sit upright. “Shit, dude, relax. I don’t have anything against Krolia. Just, you know, what came out of her.”

“It’s just, you know. That’s… I think that’s still kind of a sore spot.”

“And? What, is Keith in the room. Is your lunch bugged? We’re just chatting, Lance.”

“Yeah, but - ”

“Okay, okay,” James said, lifting his hands in mock surrender. “Dropping the subject. You know the new-and-improved half-Galra Keith better than I do anyhow, I guess. Still got no shortage of him back when he was still all human, though. I could fill a book.”

“... I’ll admit, I’d probably read it.”

“It’d be a page-turner, let me tell you. I mean, sure, a couple of the Garrison stories I’ve got for him were more other people setting things off, but mostly he’d just do his own stupid stuff, we just all got to bear witness. And it sure as hell isn’t like I’m the only one who was sick of him back then, there were plenty of other people whose skin he got under. Pretty much everyone he was partnered with in classes, his crew, whoever made that poster when flight classes were assigned - ”

The corners of Lance’s mouth quirked upward; he was pretty sure he knew what this story was going to be. “The poster,” he repeated.

“Yeah, in the hall for the fighter pilots’ hangar entrances, you know how they had that poster with, ah, whatshisname, the one Garrison alum, that had that, like, ‘Ten Tips for Fighter Pilots’ with those little inspirational quotes? Well, someone went and replaced it with a poster of Kogane, had it saying ‘Ten Tips for Getting into Fighter Class’ and it was, um, hang on… ‘Number one: develop a superiority complex. Number two: punch out the competition. Number three:’, uh…”

“‘Number three: you’re too special to play by the rules’,” Lance finished for him. “‘Number four: prepare to suck massive quantities of commanding officer dicks.’”

“So you remember it!” James cried. “I thought you might, that photo of the poster was going around for weeks after.”

“‘Course I remember it, I helped co-write it.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nah, me and a couple of the others who wound up in cargo class. We were pissed, thought we would have a laugh. One of the others printed it up and hung it, I just helped with the concept. And the guy who printed it was the only one who got a suspension for it, so as far as anyone else knows, I’m one hundred percent innocent. So you didn’t hear this from me.”

“You have my word,” James said with a grin, putting his hand over his heart. “That was a classic, man. Guy who was rooming with Kogane that semester told us he straight up cried himself to sleep the night after that thing went up.”

Lance felt his own smile begin to falter. “He - ”

“He also straight up vanished for the weekend after. Turned out he just run off and hid at Shirogane’s place for a couple days, but a bunch of us thought he had straight up dropped out of the Garrison on account of that whole deal. Imagine everyone’s disappointment when he showed up again.”

“... Oh.” Lance stared down at his tray. He hadn’t known that. He had never meant to make Keith cry, even back then. None of them had. They’d only been trying to embarrass him a little, blow off some steam.

“Hey, it’s nothing to feel bad about,” James said, and Lance looked back up to see the other looking at him in concern. The twinge of guilt must have made its way into his expression. “Not the first time Kogane ran off crying just ‘cause someone was having a little fun with him. Wouldn’t stop him from completely blowing a fuse if someone spotted him melting down. He plays the victim card, but gets mad when people see him playing it. Try and figure that one out.”

“I mean, um, it’s - it’s possible he wasn’t ‘playing the victim card’, he was just… being upset…”

“We talking about the same Kogane? I’m pretty sure the only two emotions he’s capable of are boredom and rage.”

Lance swallowed as he looked down at his tray. The only food still on it was a brownie that he had saved for last, but suddenly it was looking rather unappetizing. In fact, everything he had eaten was suddenly not sitting well in his stomach. No, Keith was capable of more emotions than that, as much as Lance sometimes managed to convince himself otherwise; he’d seen them in action. And, apparently, been the cause of them before.

And God, this was just supposed to be him letting off some steam, but maybe…

He’d gone a bit too far, hadn’t he.

“Let’s… let’s drop this, okay?” he mumbled.

“All right, fine. Hey, another fun fact: are you aware that Keith used to - ”

“No, James, I meant - let’s drop this. This - this is mean.”

James frowned at him, quirking a brow. “What?”

“I, uh, I was mad at him today, sure, but - but I shouldn’t have said - ”

“Okay, whoa, what is with you all of a sudden? We were having fun a few minutes ago, then you start getting quiet on me, and now out of the blue it’s all, ‘thou shalt never speak ill of thy neighbor’?”

“It - I wasn’t thinking, I hadn’t thought - this was mean. We’re being mean.”

“Oh, so now I’m ‘mean’? Where is this coming from?”

“James - ”

“Maybe it’s nice to take the little freak down a peg, you know?” James snapped. “Seriously, it’s not like I’m bursting into his room and attacking him or anything, we’re just chatting. Considering how he went out of his way to make life so difficult for me back at the Garrison, I don’t think think there’s anything wrong with ragging on him a bit.”

Lance tilted his head. “Wait, what do you mean? Are you talking about that time he punched you?”

“That too, but also the fact that he would just be an ass to me at every opportunity,” James answered with a shrug. “You know the way he was, always acting like everyone else in the school was unworthy to speak to him and crap? Always gotta be better than everyone else? And he seemed to have it out for me in particular. Spent all his time glaring at me and trying to find excuses to get into fights. And he just could not stomach the thought of me being better than him in anything, so in every single class, no matter what I did, he always just had to one-up me, you know? Like, God forbid I ever surpass him in anything, in any way. Then the profs would started praising him because apparently they just love show-offs, and he’d get all smug and just refuse to acknowledge anyone else’s existence for the rest of class.”

He yawned and stretched his arms up behind his head before he added, “See, you weren’t in the fighter class yet, so you probably didn’t know what the dynamics were among the pilots or anything, so you may not be aware of this, but all through school, Keith Kogane was, like, my rival.”

Lance stared at him. “Your… what?”

“My rival,” James repeated. “You know, Kogane and Griffin, always neck-in-neck, fighting for top of the class. And he’d get pissed every time I’d beat him, get smug and look down his nose at me every time he’d beat me. He was a nightmare.”

“He was… your rival.”

“Yeah. You may have been stuck with him out in space, but you never had to deal with quite the same side of him I did. Count yourself lucky.”

For a long and quiet moment, Lance stared down at his empty tray, feeling like he had just swallowed, concrete. Then, without warning, he stood up, sending his chair back with a screech.

“Where you going?” James asked.

“I need to talk to Keith,” Lance said.

“What? Oh my God, are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious. I - I have to apologize.”

“Dude, that shit was years ago. It’s all water under the bridge now.”

Lance shook his head. “No, no, it’s - I hadn’t realized I was so - I’ve gotta make this right. We ought to make this right, really.”

James rolled his eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve both fought beside him in battle. We’ve both worked on a team and saved his skin. I’m pretty sure that counts as ‘making things right’.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna talk to him.”

James shrugged. “Fine, on your own head be it, then. Are you gonna eat your brownie, by the way?” he asked, reaching for it.

Lance snatched up the tray with a grunt of, “Yes,” before James could grab the brownie, and he moved to dump all the remaining contents of the tray into the nearby garbage can before setting his tray on top and marching out of the cafeteria.

His thoughts were too muddied to allow him to pay much attention to his route as he walked to Keith’s room, and before he knew it, he found himself knocking on the door. A bark answered his knock, and when the door opened, Kosmo’s snout made its way out of the room first, eagerly sniffing the air before Keith pushed it back and took his place in the doorway.

“Lance?” Keith asked. “What is it?”

“Um… hey,” Lance answered, only just now realizing that in his haste to get here, he hadn’t actually planned on anything today.

Keith sighed. “If you’re here about the school thing this morning, you already made your thoughts perfectly clear on the ride back, so could you - ”

“No, that’s not - I wanted to - I just - I wanted to say sorry.”

Keith raised a brow. “For this morning?”

“Yeah,��� Lance said. “I mean, I shouldn’t have gotten frustrated with you, and I’m sorry. Yeah, you kinda screwed some stuff up, but I made it worse than it needed to be, so… sorry.”

“Um, thanks?”

“And, I mean, I hadn’t realized that I was, like, being mean about it, I thought I just - well, you seemed like you were being a bit of a dick too, so I was just kind of trying to be a dick back, but maybe you weren’t actually being a dick, you were just being you, and - not saying that ‘just you’ is a dick, just that that was the impression, see - and I shouldn’t have - I mean, I’ve said some really dickish stuff to you, and apparently so have other people, and you - I shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have had to deal with all that. I hadn’t realized… I over-dicked, I guess, is what I’m saying, and I’m sorry about that, and that was mean, and I - and I’m gonna be less of a dick, going forward, I swear I am.”

Keith stared at him, eyes blown wide. “Uh…” he said. “That’s… uh…”

“Right, sorry, that was, that was a lot, just now, kinda - kinda piled on there.” Lance cleared his throat. “But, um… sorry. For this morning. And for - for other stuff.”

“Oh.”

“I, uh, I just want to…” He took a breath. “Hey, um, if you want, I could give you a hand with this press stuff. Like, what to do in Q-and-A sessions, stuff like that. I figure, you know, ‘stead of just complaining about how you do it, I could… help?”

Keith frowned. “I dunno, Lance…”

“I mean, you don’t have to, I get it, I haven’t exactly been - been such a good - just, you know, the offer’s there, if you want it. And, um, sorry.”

“Right, you said that. Well… thanks. For the offer.”

“Yeah. You’re welcome.”

The two boys stood in uncertain silence before Keith slid back into his room, shutting the door behind him, and Lance let out a breath of tension. That hadn’t really been a moment of closure or revelation or anything.

Still… they had years’ worth of fences to mend. And Lance had apologized, and had left an open door, and next time he’d just have to try harder. Be patient with Keith. Put the shit behind him. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Baby steps, Lance told himself as he walked away from Keith’s room. Baby steps.

[moonprincess92]

Tell me what you eat and I will tell you who you are

the food travel au 

3 ½ month film schedule. 31 countries. 24 episodes.

2 people who might just fall in love along the way. 

(read on AO3) 

Chapter 1: London  Author: @moonprincess92nz 

It’s her first fucking day and she’s late.

“SHIT, SHIT, SHIT–” Jyn dodges through suitcases, around security guards and even leaps right over an empty bench at one point as she races throughout Heathrow Airport. She practically slams right through a holidaying family and nearly bowls into a couple of kids with giant backpacks on their backs, but nothing slows her down because if there is anything worse she can do than being goddamn late on her first day, she can’t think of it. Her rep is bad enough, she needs this job –

ARRIVALS, the sign blares. 

Her poor battered suitcase screeching to a halt next to her, Jyn stops to stare around at the hordes of people pouring out of the arrivals gate. The production crew is flying in mostly from USA, she thinks she is one of maybe three people who are from the UK. They told her to meet at the airport, and she checks the email on her phone for the billionth time before scanning the crowd once more.

Finally, she catches a familiar face.

He isn’t so much familiar because she knows him, but rather because she may or may not have binge-watched Cassian Andor videos on YouTube for about eight hours the previous night. Thing is, Jyn honestly wouldn’t call herself a foodie. She knows how to scramble eggs and burn chicken nuggets, but that is about the extent of her cooking skills. Half the time she doesn’t know how she even ended up getting this job, but there she was balls deep in some popular Mexican cooking show because apparently, his face wasn’t so bad to look at. It was only when her roommate barged unceremoniously into her room at four in the morning to ask, “Don’t you have to be at the airport by like, 7am?” when she figured that she might have a bit of a problem.

(“Shut up, Bodhi,” she threw back at him).

Operating on as little sleep as she is, seeing Cassian Andor in person kind of makes her ovaries feel like exploding.

SHIT.

Luckily, before she says something and makes herself look ridiculous, it appears that someone notices her. She hastily says her name, and she’s pulled into the sea of formal introductions by who is apparently their production manager, Mon Mothma. Jyn has never been good at this part. Sometimes, she thinks that she chose the wrong profession entirely – she should be working in a lab or office, somewhere with as little human interaction as possible – but rather unfortunately, she’s chosen a profession where it’s impossible to get by without kissing arse and playing nice with others.

She’s learned over the years how to put on a polite mingling face, but Jesus, it takes it out of her.

“Hi! I’m Luke, the social media manager!” a bright-eyed blonde says.

“Wedge Antilles,” their sound engineer introduces. “Looking forward to working with you!”

“… Kes Dameron. Sorry, I haven’t had coffee yet,” It turns out their head of security is about as sociable as she is this early in the morning.

Honestly, she’s doing fine until suddenly she’s face to face with Cassian Andor and that’s about when it strikes her what she’s really gone and gotten herself into. She’s standing in front of an honest-to-god celebrity, here. She’s never worked on something on this large a scale in her life! It doesn’t help that there’s really something about his jawline as well, but either way she is a professional, goddamn it. She holds out her hand and says,

“Jyn.”

Cassian quirks an eyebrow.

“Is that… your favourite drink, or…?” he asks in confusion.

“What? Oh, bugger,” Jyn curses as he tentatively shakes her hand. “I don’t mean gin, I mean – it’s my name, Jyn with a J – and a y – apparently my parents hated me as a child,” She tops it off with a slightly awkward laugh.

God, she is bad at this.  

“Oh. If it helps, I often get called Caspian whenever I go to Starbucks?” Cassian offers.

“Well, that was your first mistake going to Starbucks.”

“What’s wrong with Starbucks?”

“Talk about commercialisation!” Jyn points out. “Whatever happened to supporting your local businesses?”

Incredibly, he laughs. “I’m sorry, you’re the new camera operator, right?”

“Right, right – I was offered the job a little last minute.”

“Of course – Kay unfortunately got sick – that was the guy who was originally hired.”

“Ah, I see,” Jyn tries to lean casually on her suitcase. “I wasn’t given any details, just a contract and a place to meet – sucks to be him, amiright?”

Cassian frowns. “He’s my best friend.”

Jyn blinks. Of fucking course he was his best friend.

She just gestures vaguely behind her somewhere. “I’m gonna…” she says, weakly. He smiles politely back.

If it was at all appropriate for the setting she would be SCREAMING.

“… so all in all,” Jyn eventually says through Skype later that night. “within the first minute of us meeting, I convince him I’m an alcoholic, criticise him for going to bollocking Starbucks and also somehow manage to insult his best friend!”

Little Bodhi through the screen shakes his head. “Oh my god, Jyn…”

Oh my god, Jyn sounds about right. She snuggles down into the hotel bedsheets and is at least thankful that she’s on a production that can afford actual stars underneath their accommodation. The last time she had a job, she was put up in a student hostel, and she’s pretty sure she’s still washing fleas out of her hair to this day. Most of day one was dedicated to production meetings with only a few establishing shots being filmed that evening. After hours of listening to Mon Mothma drone on and on (3 ½ month film schedule, tight deadline, 31 countries, 24 episodes, etc., etc.) Jyn was thankfully able to clear her head down by the Thames. With only her and the essential crew, she was finally able to breathe as she captured her city by sunset.

She honestly doesn’t know what this job is really going to entail. The travelling she is relatively familiar with thanks to her job, but even then she technically hasn’t been out of the country since she was 16, and she mostly tries to forget her time with Saw anyway. She might not have had a family for a long time, but she’s at home here in London as much as she’s ever been. It’s the only place she’s ever felt truly safe, felt like she has ground beneath her feet and she’s a little (a lot) terrified to actually leave it.

But hell, bills need to be paid and a T.V. show needs to be filmed.

“What am I doing, Bodhi?” Jyn mutters underneath the blankets.

“I believe it’s called ‘flirting’,” Bodhi smirks back in their flat on the other side of the city. “and, if I might add, you’re not doing it very well.”

“Fuck you, mate.”

“Just calling it like it is.”

“Seriously,” Jyn stresses, then. “what am I doing here? I’m working on a travelling food show and I barely know how to cook!”

“You’re the camera operator, not the bloody caterer,” Bodhi says, exasperatedly. “I’m fairly certain you don’t need to know.”

“But–”

“Jyn, listen,” Bodhi cuts her off. “Lord knows I’d prefer to just wrap you up and bring you back home, but honey, you gotta stick with this, ok? No more flaking! You think you don’t fit in, fine – fake it until you do. Go get bloody lost in Germany or finally learn how to make pasta or something, I don’t care, just get out and do it, because we both know you’re not really living here.”

“I’m living!”

“You’re existing,” Bodhi sighed. “and I know your life has had its fucked up moments. I know. It sucks. But it’s time, Jyn.”

She snorts. “You know, when I called you it wasn’t for another therapy session. How much do I owe you this time?”

Her best friend rolls his eyes. “A lifetime of free pancakes.”

“You know I can’t make pancakes.”

“Lifetime supply of Jammy Dodgers, then.”

“That, I can do,” Jyn points at the screen.

Bodhi laughs, only it quickly turns into a violent yawn. “BLIMEY, I’m tired.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll take the hint,” Jyn smirks. “but, um, before you actually do go – on a scale of 1 to 10, exactly HOW bad was the flirting?”

“Minus 5,” Bodhi deadpans. “Don’t insult his friends next time.”

“Yeah,” Jyn grimaces. “I’ll do that.”

He grins. “Love you, Jyn.”

“Yeah. Love you, too.”

tellmewhatyoueatofficial check out that view! #tellmewhatyoueat #london #tower bridge #filming #cinematogropher #travel #sunsetwiththecrew #bts @jynserso

bodhitherook JYN BABE U MANAGED TO MAKE IT ONTO THE OFFICIAL INSTA ACCT  

bodhitherook also how the fuck are u not wearing a jacket

tellmewhatyoueatofficial @bodhitherook i confess we might have asked her to take her jacket off for the #aesthetic

bodhitherook WHO RUNS THIS ACCOUNT JYN BC CLEARLY THESE PEOPLE ARE TRYIN TO KILL U IT’S OCTOBER

jynserso pfffft sun was out, was a solid 15 degrees that’s basically sunbathing weather

jynserso but still calling you out @walkstheskies his name is Luke Skywalker go stalk him 

Jyn manages to corner Luke Skywalker in the hotel hallway.

“WHY ME,” she despairs. Her phone is open on the show’s official Instagram page, and it’s pretty clear what she’s talking about, although she quickly adds, “and before you say anything, I KNOW signing the contract means technically I consented to my image being used on multiple forms of social media, but still–”

Luke just shrugs happily.  

“I belong behind a camera, not in front of it,” she protests.

“Hey,” Luke counters. “you look beautiful in that shot! Also, I should be the one complaining, after you sicced your best friend on me.”

“Oh good, Bodhi did his job then,” Jyn says. She steps out of the way hastily as several of their fellow crew members run down the hall between rooms, someone cheering something about shots in the background.

“He’s sent me about a dozen messages insisting that I look after you and treat you right,” he laughs. “Nice guy!”

Jyn just smirks slightly before eyeing down the hallway once more. It’s been two days, and their insane shooting schedule is already starting to hit them all. Quite frankly, none of them have any business still being awake at this time, but it was a long day and apparently they are all still so hyped that trying to sleep with the racket they’re making would be fruitless anyway.

“We should get out!” someone calls enthusiastically from one of the open rooms, and Jyn turns to see their lighting director’s face beaming when she notices her. Shara Bey dashes over and clings hold of her shoulder. “Hey! Where should we go?”

“What’re you looking at me for?” Jyn asks in bewilderment.

“Well, you’re the local girl,” Shara points out.

Jyn stares at the over-tired, wired and enthusiastic faces all staring back at her. They’ve all spilled out of their rooms, nodding and asking and between this and the Instagram post, Jyn isn’t sure she’s been on the receiving end of this much attention in her life. There’s a reason she stays behind the camera! She glances at Luke, although the man just shrugs at her in response.

“I’ve never been to London! Where do we get good food around here?” he asks.

Shit.

“Uhhhh... I know a place that sells killer fish and chips?”

“It’s an adventure and it’s happening - c’mon, guys!” Shara leads the way. 

She ends up bringing them to The Cantina, of all places.

A fun fact to rattle off is that there are literally thousands of pubs throughout London, and somehow she always ends up here. Her and Bodhi almost haunt the place at this point. It’s objectively not the most popular in London nor even relatively famous, but in Jyn’s opinion it captures the very heart of British pub culture (you know, getting shit-faced and yelling about football). It’s kind of what the entire show they’re filming is supposed to be about, so… yeah, here they are. The place is always dark and a little shady, the music always slightly too loud and the lights slightly too piercing, but Jyn feels almost relaxed here.

“I moved back to London when I was 16,” she explains as they approach. Shara Bey has already filmed several snapchat videos of herself by this point and now seems to be flirting with the security guy. Most of their group is hanging onto her every word and she adds, “We’d come here on the weekends with our fake I.D.s and get hammered.”

“My kinda party,” Luke grins.

They all pile inside The Cantina, Jyn dutifully avoiding Cassian’s eyes. Honestly, she had no idea that he was even coming - did famous T.V. presenters even do that? - but someone called out to him just as they were walking out of the hotel doors to go catch a train and he dashed out to join them. After embarrassing herself so spectacularly, she figures the only way to handle tonight is the true British way: ignore all emotions and pretend everything is fine.

She notices a gap at the bar and she manages to quickly order two shots as everyone piles into the pub. She thought she had avoided all scrutiny as her colleagues get caught up in which drinks to order, but apparently nothing gets past the social media manager. Luke gives her a look of bemusement from over his shoulder and Jyn bites at him,

“What?”

“Steady on,” he says.

“Shut up,” Jyn accuses.

“You know, if you want to talk to him all you have to do is open your mouth and start saying words,” Luke says, slyly.

Jyn glares. “What d’you know? You know nothing.”

“I know that look! Trust me, I get it. I’m a huge fan too.”

Jyn finally meets his knowing gaze.

“You also watch three seasons in eight hours?”

“Without subtitles!” Luke nods. “My Spanish got a LOT better.”

“Stalk on Instagram?”

“I’m a social media manager,” Luke scoffs. “Raise me something actually valuable.”

“Imagine marrying someday?”

Luke laughs. “Jyn, we all know that he’s out of both our leagues, but with you… ehhhhh, there’s potential.”

“I’m sorry, EHHHHH?”

“I also said potential!”

Jyn was going to offer one of the shots to Luke, but with that statement, she keeps them both for herself. It’s true, she’s been filming this man for the last two days and she still technically hasn’t had any kind of one-on-one conversation with him that isn’t to do with camera angles. Besides the disastrous first attempt, that is. She isn’t even sure what’s stopping her at this point. It’s not like she’s kidding herself that something is going to happen – they’re on a schedule, they’re going to be travelling in a tight knit group for months without space to get away, and who even looks at her like that anymore? – so it’s not even the fact that he’s hot that makes her like this.

She’s just never done anything on this kind of scale before. These people all have established careers, been featured on Ellen, have followers on Twitter… this is the first time Jyn’s worked on a project where the director isn’t some uni student filming a sex scene in their parent’s garage. Bloody hell, what could she even say to him?

“Ok, look,” Luke sighs next to her. “exactly how many shots is this going to take? Because I will literally buy them all if it will get your ass over there.”

“I don’t know,” she says honestly. “but at least one more.”

tellmewhatyoueatofficial rumour has it that somewhere round here you can get some killer #fishnchips! @theofficialcantina #tellmewhatyoueat #bts #london #camden town #camden market #london pub #the cantina #filming #cinematogropher #travel  

Her ass inevitably did not end up over there.

“Ok, we’re going for the casual ‘we’ve just stumbled upon this place’ feel,” Their director, Draven, is running backwards somewhere behind her, trying to keep up with the action as Cassian walks down the street. She’s aiming for the vision of him being in amongst the crowd, just one with London, which is kinda contradicted by the fact that they have blocked off one side of the entire stretch of street outside the restaurant they’re currently featuring and their security guy is letting through a controlled amount of people to walk through their shot. Still, she gets to watch Cassian stroll down the footpath with his hands in his pockets, contently gazing around the streets, so she’s probably got the good end of the deal, here. Voiceovers will be added in later, so literally all he has to do is walk and smile as Draven yells out direction.

“Ok! You reach Rebel Rebel,” he calls out. Cassian pretends that his eye is caught by the actually previously chosen restaurant, glancing up at it. She zooms in on his face.

Yes. Definitely has the best deal, here.

“CUT,” Draven yells. “Perfect, we’ll shoot it once more, then head on in.”

They take a break before moving into the restaurant to do more filming and she listens to Draven rave to their producer about how big they’re expecting their audience to be for this particular episode. She probably doesn’t try hard enough to hide her scoff, but she’s exhausted from being up until 2am that morning and still too pissed off at herself to care. Despite all of Luke’s encouragement, she still hadn’t managed to get herself over to the table where Cassian had been sitting. She had an opening and alcohol, and yet…

“Look, I’ve worked on this show before and I’m yelling you,” Luke nodded at Cassian last night. “He’s a good guy! He’s worth getting to know.”

She was sure he was. It was just getting to the point of knowing him that worried her. She glances bitterly up at Rebel Rebel. Honestly, of all fucking places in London, they just had to choose the most cliché.

“Why do you not like this place?”

She whirls around in a slight panic, heart practically leaping into her throat. Cassian’s watching her curiously, water bottle in hand and please Jyn, please remember what proper words are.

“Who – who says I don’t like it?”

“That expression on your face,” Cassian points out.

She’s almost impressed that he noticed. “Is filming going to be this forced the entire time?”

For a moment she isn’t sure if he’s going to give her a real or diplomatic answer. She supposes his job’s on the line, but just as that thought occurs he admits, “A lot of things are pre-shot filming this kind of show. It’s like reality T.V., we pretend it was all filmed on the spot when actually we planned the entire thing. But the food and the reactions, that’s going to be real. You can’t fake taste.”

“What if you don’t like something? Are we allowed to include that?”

“Usually depends on who I’m allowed to piss off,” he mentions.

“Well, I dunno who chose Rebel, Rebel, but this place sucks,” If he can figure it out from the look on her face, then there’s no point denying it. Jyn points out the restaurant that is technically one of London’s top places to eat. Recommended on Trip Advisor, stars and celebrities were known to dine there and even Jamie Oliver did a special there once, but as far as Jyn is concerned the entire place was overrated.

“How do you know that?”

“Like I couldn’t possibly know great food,” She winces a little at the tone. Blimey, she needs to work on not sounding so defensive.

“Show me,” Cassian suddenly challenges. “After filming today, take me to the good food.”

He can’t be serious. Surely he isn’t? They have a schedule, they have deadlines, they can’t just go bloody rogue! Yes, fine, she does have somewhere in mind. She might consider wine and a can of tinned soup a decent meal, but that doesn’t mean she can’t recognise great food when she sees it. The memories suddenly hit her, of meat sizzling, of swinging on vinyl chairs and knives clinking against plates. She remembers being allowed to stand on a stool behind the counter to take customer’s money and running through the kitchens trying not to get caught by the chefs. Whenever she hears classical music she’s taken back and they’re literally only around the corner, but…

It’s a stupid idea.

She shrugs. “I think Draven’s gonna burst a blood vessel if we don’t get back to it.” 

JUST TAKE HIM TO THE FUCKING RESTAURANT JYN DO IT DOOOOOO IIIIITTTTTTT

FKJDJFKJDFJKFJKDF KILL ME Also are u still harassing luke to be nice to me bc honestly bodhi

Im just lookin out for mah gurl Also turns out he’s kinda funny so But not the point, just take him Jyn seriously

But it’s such a personal place and we barely know each other

Don’t make it about you then. Just say u know a place that’s better, bring ur camera and film the magic. Oooooh, get baze to make his special, that shit is GOOD Plus this way you’ll get to know each other eeeyyyyy

I’m going to regret this

No u wont 

It eats at her, until eventually Bodhi manages to make her snap. Damn it, it will not leave her alone and apparently, her way of asking people out these days is just turning up at their hotel room door and demanding them to come with her, since the moment Cassian answers her slightly too hard knock on his door she blurts out,

“Get your coat on, we’re going somewhere.”

Cassian blinks slightly, but seems entirely non-phased as he ducks to the side to grab a jacket and follows her out the door. “Where are we going?”

“To the good food.”

It’s a bit far to walk and she’s still not used to the T.V. glamour of being able to take taxis everywhere, so she drags him out into the cool, drizzly evening and onto the tube. Taking the Piccadilly Line into Covent Garden, the night is fresh and just starting to buzz when they climb up into the street. She wasn’t going to get her camera out until they reached Lahmu, but the side street they cut down is strung up with multi-coloured lanterns and his face is honestly too good to not try and capture.

“To be honest, I’m not entirely sure if we’re even allowed to do this,” Jyn admits, as she points out the way. “Like, filming outside of scheduled shooting. Have I just violated my contract or something?”

“Depends if Draven likes what he sees,” Cassian answers her.

“I’ll delete it later, then,” Jyn says, walking sideways as she filmed and hoping that nothing got in her way lest she accidentally go flying. “No one has to know a thing. And if you talk, I’ll kill you.”

He laughs a little into the camera. “I’m starting to think I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“But anyway, welcome to Covent Garden again,” she makes a deal out of saying, ensuring that she can still see his face through her lens. He pauses under a lamp post and thankfully, no one seems to recognise them in the dark and without the addition of an entire film crew. To someone else, they could literally be any random YouTube vloggers or something. “Naturally, this damn show only brings you to the touristy side of London, but there are some admittedly great places to eat in this area. Not fucking Rebel, Rebel though, I mean shit that’s actually edible.”

“We might want to edit that last part out.”

“Yeah, post can handle that,” She would wave a hand if she had one to spare. “Tell me, superstar Cassian Andor, how are you enjoying London so far?”

He smiles a little against the backdrop of lit restaurants. “It’s cold.”

“Of course it’s cold, it’s fucking England.”

“But it’s exciting,” he adds. “There’s so much history here, buildings that have been around for hundreds of years… it’s great to see.”

“You’re supposed to say you love the food, stop going off script.”

“Sorry – I love the food.”

“Good,” she says. “because if you don’t love where we’re going, then I’ll buy the next round of drinks.”

“Where exactly ARE we going?”

She points across the street and she films him turning and seeing the lit up sign of Lahmu. Owned for the last fifteen years by Baze and Chirrut Malbus-Îmwe, it’s known for its wildly eccentric yet still somehow delicious menu. Jyn leads Cassian there, waving to the matire’d on their way in and asking if Baze is around.

“You’re a regular?” Cassian asks.

“Kind of,” Jyn hedges. “it’s weird to explain.”

She doesn’t rest until they find Baze in the kitchen, the co-owner and chef shaking Cassian’s hand vigorously like any person who was vaguely familiar with food would. Jyn keeps the camera rolling the entire time until finally, he tries Baze’s famous Secret Special and the unearthly sounds that come out of his mouth Jyn deems a little too inappropriate for their G-rated show.

“This is fucking amazing,” he practically moans.

“I’m glad,” Baze says warmly as Jyn hastily cuts the recording.

“And you seriously won’t tell me what kind of meat this is?”

“Of course not, that’s the secret part.”

“It’s not going to have me arrested, right?”

“No. Well… I don’t think so, at least.”

Cassian just shrugs. “Good enough for me.”

Carefully working on packing the camera away in the bag she has strung around her neck, Cassian continues to enthusiastically shovel whatever mystery meat it is into his mouth. Over by the kitchen bench, Baze leans in and squeezes her shoulder.

“So can I expect to actually get on T.V. here, or not?” he asks in undertone.

“Probably not,” she admits.

“Ah, well. It was a nice idea while it lasted,” Baze sighs, gruffly.

“You guys are still doing well, right?” Jyn asks, casually.

“Stop worrying. We’re fine,” Baze shoots her a look. “Exposure never hurts, however.”

“Just let Cassian tweet about this place,” Jyn points out. “You’ll have people coming in hordes.”

Cassian cuts in to scoff, “I’m not THAT popular.”

“When you have a follower count with 5 digits or more, you’re considered popular, mate.”

Cassian protests, but honestly they’re mostly silent after that as he apparently just savours the flavours Jyn knows have to be hitting his tongue. She realises at one point that she’s closed her eyes and she hastily snaps them open because Jesus, Jyn, get a grip, she can listen to the boiling soup and scraping of pots without looking weird about it. It’s only when Baze moves away to carry on directing his kitchen, however, when she finally says,

“Look. I think we got off on the wrong foot when we first met,” she says. “I swear I usually know how to talk to people normally. I’m a big fan?”

Thankfully, he laughs and she lets out a slow breath of relief. “I’m honoured.”

“No really,” Jyn points out. “I don’t even speak Spanish, and I watched all three seasons of your last show.”

“That’s dedication.”

“Sorry again.”

“Hey,” he shakes his head. “It’s fine – I’m a big fan of yours too.”

“Piss off,” Jyn says before she even stops to think whether that might offend him or not. “I film obscure niche documentaries and indie films that lose money rather than make money, there’s no way you like any of that shit.”

“No really, I looked you up when we knew you were coming,” Cassian points out. “Or, ok, Kay sort of insisted that we look you up, he was feeling a bit territorial. But we watched a little of that one documentary you did on the abandoned insane asylum?”

“Oh god,” Jyn shivers. “that place was creepy as all fuckin’ hell. I had nightmares for weeks.”

“But the camera work was beautiful! Wait, exactly how creepy?”

“I’m pretty sure that one of the film crew got possessed.”

“You’re not serious?”

And it’s weird, but he finishes his Secret Special and she tells the quite frankly terrifying story of when one of her crew members had gone a little nutty and claimed that they were having visions of dead people and it kind of… goes well. Her heart is still pounding, but they’re finally talking. It at least makes her feel a little more grounded, a little more like she actually fits into this project that until this point made her feel like she was just floundering under water. This isn’t another weird documentary about haunted buildings, this is something that will eventually air on prime time British television…  

“So how did you end up as a T.V. presenter, of all things?” Jyn asks once his plate is scraped clean.

“I started in regular journalism. Believe it or not, but I’m not the best cook.”

“Shut the hell up,” Jyn insists.

“No really,” Cassian says, earnestly. “I can appreciate good food, but I still cannot make anything like my mother can.”

“Well, I burn toast so together, we’ve got this show covered.”

“Thank God, I was starting to worry.”

She laughs. Fucking laughs. But he’s laughing too, so she hopes it’s ok and he asks her then, “How did you get into camera work?”

“The professional answer is that I have always appreciated the entire filmography of whoever happens to be employing me at the time,” Jyn says. “The real answer is that I was running out of time to pick an elective at uni and I chose this random media studies paper on a whim.”

“So we pretty much started in the same place.”

“I guess, yeah,” It’s hard to imagine herself having literally anything in common with the celebrity, but what the hell does she know in the end? They’re quiet for a moment, Cassian moving to wash his own plate and Jyn pretending that she isn’t watching. It’s only when he’s finished and everything is put away when he turns back to her and says, 

“So what’s the story?”

“Sorry?”

“The story,” he reiterates and Jyn’s chest thuds painfully. “about why this place. Don’t try and tell me there isn’t a story.”

It’s true, there is one. And she honestly wasn’t sure whether she was going to say it when she first brought him in here, but there’s something that makes her want to say it now. She takes a deep breath and answers,

“My father used to own it.” 

He nods, but doesn’t say anything else. He waits, clearly willing to let her talk when she’s ready, and she eventually sighs in exasperation. “Fine, my father owned it and it’s how he met my mother,” she adds on. “I practically grew up here, but they died and it got sold when I was eight and it’s never felt exactly the same since. I guess I still try sometimes, though.”

It’s a very glossed over version of the story, but it will do for now. He nods in understanding before gesturing to her camera once more. “Do you mind?”

She frowns. “What do you want to film?”

“I have an idea – just roll with it?”

She humours him, once again pulling out the camera. She’s at least thankful that the kitchen lights are kind of perfect for filming as she sets it on top of an upturned saucepot in lieu of a tripod. She prompts, “What are you thinking?” and Cassian looks up right at her through the lens.

Blimey.

“We’re going to be taking Europe by storm, right?” he says, and she almost thinks his words aren’t even intended for the camera. “The idea is that we experience multiple cultures and different kinds of foods, but I love that there’s one thing that seems to be universal. No matter where you are in the world, food has this ability to connect things. We associate food with the places we come from, certain celebrations, smell with memories, a restaurant with home…” Her heart is definitely somewhere up around her throat and he smiles at her. “and that’s pretty awesome.”

tellmewhatyoueatofficial rumour has it if you order the #SecretSpecial you’ll become a changed person! #tellmewhatyoueat #restaurant #food #filming #locations #london #covent garden #bts @lahmurestaurant

k-lara7 omg I love this place!!!!

yavemiel @ pingou7 we are so going here next time you come visit me

bodhitherook I had no idea they were filming here @jynserso??????

doptimous Definitely would recommend @lahmurestaurant. The owners are so nice, you’re never waiting long and it’s honestly a great experience every time we go. 

In the end, Draven loves their side project so much that it turns into his idea.

They were all supposed to be on a flight to Cardiff at this point, but the network has apparently let them delay by twelve hours to allow them to shoot additional footage and anything that gets her favourite restaurant exposure is fine with Jyn. But despite their filming obviously fake candid shots outside the restaurant, Draven’s admitted that there’s a lot of charm in the real candid-ness of what they filmed the previous night and hopefully, a lot of their original footage will end up being used in the final cuts.

“I’m going to miss London!” Luke says cheerfully as they wait at the airport. Definitely not a big enough production for a private jet, they get a few looks waiting amongst everyone else but luckily at 4am not many people care all that much about the moderately famous food show host and crew. Jyn is attempting to sleep in her cold, plastic chair but it’s kind of hard when Luke won’t stop chatting.

“Do you ever stop?” she asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Never mind,” she mutters. She gets up and leaves Luke to his cheerful trawling through Twitter and notices Cassian slumped down near the phone charging station. With his hoodie pulled over his eyes it’s difficult to tell if he’s awake or not, but he stirs when she sits down next to him.

“Naturally the network couldn’t wait for tomorrow and literally had to book us on the next flight to Cardiff,” she says. “Who the hell even flies to Cardiff at this time in the morning?”

“Right?” he smiles a little. Then, after pausing he adds, “Hey, um… I’m sorry if I stepped over a line or something before. When we were filming at Lahmu. I know you didn’t really intend on it being a part of the show and it got kinda personal so I just wanted to make sure you’re…”

“It’s ok,” Jyn says softly.

She isn’t sure what it is. It’s 4am in an airport, it’s one of those liminal spaces where time stops existing and only vacant expressions and stress endures. But she turns to glance over at him and he’s looking at her and shitballs, her stomach twists itself inside out.  She still doesn’t know what to expect from this entire project and she certainly doesn’t expect anything ever from him, but a part of her is really, really pissed off to know that they have to part ways at the end of all this.

But then again also, they have 30 more countries to go.

Finally, the announcer is declaring that their flight is beginning boarding. All around, tired people stand and yawn, stretching and picking up suitcases and rousing sleeping children. Cassian sighs before pushing back his hood and giving her a determined look.

“Let’s go to Wales,” he says.

“Let’s go to Wales,” Jyn agrees. 

---

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Behind The Album: Chinese Democracy (The History)

There exists only one way to describe the more than 10 year odyssey that was the album, Chinese Democracy, surreal. To put it into the words of a famous Doors song, strange days. Work on the album began in 1997 after a new lineup of the band has been confirmed upon the departure of Duff McKagan. The roster would change substantially throughout the next 10 years sometimes depending on the mood of Axl Rose. Geffen Records had hoped to release the album in 1999, but it was delayed again and again causing the budget to balloon to $13 million when it was all said and done. They pulled any financial backing of the album in 2005. This album became the most expensive one ever produced in the history of rock music. Many people, fans and writers alike, never thought that it would ever see the light of day. Writer Chuck Klosterman even wrote a fake review of it for April Fools’ Day for Spin Magazine calling it the greatest album ever made. Let me now take a look at the surreal odyssey that would probably be really hard to think up, if it had not happened for real.

The inspiration for the album began in 1994 when Axl Rose became quite enamored with electronica and industrial rock with an eye towards the work of Nine Inch Nails at that time. By 1997, lead guitarist Slash had already left the group leading Rose to replace him with Robin Finck. He was the touring guitarist for Nine Inch Nails. That same year Matt Sorum was fired for objecting to the inclusion of Rose’s friend Paul Tobias in the band. He was replaced by Nine Inch Nails drummer, Chris Vrena. Yet, his tenure with the band did not last long, so he was replaced by Josh Freese. Former replacements bassist Tommy Stinson would replace Duff McKagan by 1998. Several producers were approached to help with the album including Steve Lilywhite and Rick Rubin. At one point, they even considered asking Moby to sign on as producer. Surprisingly, he had nothing but good things to say about the possibility of working on the album. “They're writing with a lot of loops, and believe it or not, they're doing it better than anybody I've heard lately." By the middle of 1998, the producer Youth was brought in to work on the album. Previously, he had worked on projects with U2 and the Verve. He immediately felt very pessimistic about any recording sessions that could occur because of Rose’s state of mind. “He kind of pulled out ... He was quite isolated. There weren't very many people I think he could trust. It was very difficult to penetrate the walls he'd built up." Youth quickly left the project after growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of interaction from Axl. For his part, the singer was still reeling from his break up in the mid-1990’s with Stephanie Seymour. He would go on to talk about this in a later interview saying he had stopped writing any music for a couple of years due to it. Rose completely disappeared from anything to do with the album, but he told recording engineers to write down any ideas other band members had for songs. He would receive CDs and data files each week that eventually were combined to make almost 1000 discs.

The goal of the album was to create a Guns N’ Roses record with an electronica influence. Mainstream media had described it repeatedly as an industrial rock album, but Rose argued with that assessment saying that many different genres would make up the album. In 1998, the band began working at Rumbo Studios in the San Fernando Valley, which was the same place that parts of Appetite For Destruction were recorded. Geffen Records had offered to pay the band $1 million to finish the album by March 1, 1999. This was on top of the initial payment of $1 million. Of course, the band completely missed that deadline, but by the spring of 1999 they had recorded 30 songs. Brian May had been brought in to play on the song “Catcher in the Rye.” His part was eventually removed, but nobody from the band told him that until the record was released in 2008. The album had been originally titled 2000 Intentions, but Axl changed it to Chinese Democracy in 1999. He would say, “There's a lot of Chinese democracy movements, and it's something that there's a lot of talk about, and it's something that will be nice to see. It could also just be like an ironic statement. I don't know, I just like the sound of it." According to Rose, the band had recorded enough material for two albums by 1999. Singer Sebastian Bach who contributed on the album said that Rose told him the initial plan. They were going to release one album, then tour for a year or two, then release a second album. The hope was to eventually release a trilogy of albums. At the end of 1999, GNR released their first song in several years as part of The End of Days soundtrack entitled, “Oh My God.” Reviews of the song were quite mixed as it did very little to increase the enthusiasm for the new album. The song had been personally selected by Jimmy Iovine, the head of Geffen/Interscope, after listening to all the tracks. At the same time, several members of the band left to join other projects. Robin Finck rejoined Nine Inch Nails, while drummer Josh Freese joined A Perfect Circle. Current producer Sean Beavan, who worked on 35 tracks, also left the project. In 2000, Axel said in a Rolling Stone interview that one big reason for the delays was the fact that he needed to learn the ProTools technology.

In early 2000, manager Doug Goldstein said that the album was 99% finished, which meant most likely a summer release. Yet, Rose hired Roy Thomas Baker as a new producer at that time, who persuaded him to completely re-record the entire album. Around the same time, he also hired a new guitarist by the name of Buckethead, who always wore a white mask and a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket on his head when playing live. Based on Buckethead’s recommendation, a drummer by the name of Brain was hired to re-record all the previous drum parts from Freese. The issue had been that Axl wanted people currently in the band to be heard on the record, but the problem was Freese had done a very good job on all of the tracks. They essentially asked Brain to literally copy the style of the previous guy rather than use what had been produced in the first place.

In March 2001, Geffen head Jimmy Iovine hired Tom Zataut as a kind of middle man to get the band moving on finishing the album. The irony being that Zataut had been fired two years previously by Geffen. Yet, they brought him in because he had guided GNR successfully through other albums. At first, Rose did not want Zataut’s inclusion on the project. He did begin to change his mind was as he helped to re-create the opening drum sound of Nirvana‘s Never Mind for Rose. He was then welcomed with open arms after the approval by Axl’s personal psychic, who judged his aura based on photographs. The next crisis was that Buckethead decided to quit the band after the apparent lack of progress on the album. Zataut was able to convince him to return by building him a chicken coop within the recording studio, metal wires and all. The building of it was always downplayed as nothing serious, but a bit of a joke for Buckethead’s very unique sense of humor. A problem sprang up when he began to bother Axl in the studio by playing hardcore pornography too loudly in his chicken coop. Zataut also discovered that the band was spending almost $75,000 a day renting equipment that was not being used because Rose never came into the studio half the time. “These fucking people are getting paid shitloads of money and they're sitting on their arse doing nothing because Axl's not coming to the studio and they can't get him on the phone." In 2001, the band had completed 48 songs for the album, while they still had probably 5 to 10 more in development. Before the end of 2001, Rose fired Zataut because he failed to get him a private screening of the movie Blackhawk Down because Ridley Scott had asked if he could use “Welcome to the Jungle” in the film.

The band played the occasional live show as well including a headlining slot at Rock in Rio in 2001. In August 2002, they debuted their first new live song in over a decade playing “Madagascar” at the MTV Video Music Awards. That same month, Rose gave two conflicting statements to MTV about the status of the album. In one, he said they were just wrapping it up, while the other statement said that he would not use the word soon about its release. His reason for the delay now was the fact that the record company was not doing anything to help him as he had taken on many more responsibilities than previously on any other record. In the middle of 2003, they started to re-record the album once again. Tommy Stinson talked about why the album took so long to create. “What really happened was the record company stood back and left Axl to his own devices. He had to basically produce himself, and that's not what he (wanted to do)... the record company really dropped the ball on this one ... everything changed when Geffen merged with Interscope. Axl was told that Jimmy Iovine would play more of a role (than he did).” A sound engineer also had a particular insightful comment about the delays mentioning that Rose was too much of a perfectionist trying to make the greatest album ever made. There are going to be lengthy delays in that kind of attempt. By 2004, Buckethead had officially quit the group, but they were supposedly doing the masters at the end of the year. Another issue emerged at that time when the record company withdrew all funding for the album. They removed it from its release schedule and any future promotional efforts were abandoned. Rose would be required to fund the remainder of the album. Two years would pass before any news of note came from the band until early 2006 when several songs leaked online. Later that year, another song leaked within a Harley Davidson ad causing even more controversy. Leaks continued to come out for the next two years until the album was eventually released in 2008. Yet, the album did finally have a supposed release date of November 21, 2006. In anticipation of this, Rose held 10 listening parties throughout New York City showcasing some of the new tracks. In December, he quickly did a U-turn announcing that he needed more time to work on the album. The release date was pushed back to 2007, and for the first time there was an official date. Of course, the band missed this date as well.

By this time, Buckethead had been replaced by another guitarist with another unique name, Bumblefoot. The final vocals were recorded in January 2007 for the album, with the hope that it could be mixed by the end of the year for a Christmas release date. In January 2008, rumors spread all over the Internet that the album had actually been handed to Geffen Records. Yet, once again arguments between Rose and the record company ensued as they could not agree on any marketing plan for the album. In September 2008, the album had its first track released “Shackler’s Revenge” made available for the game, Rock Band 2. The full album would be released in October 2008. The fight with Geffen continued after the album's release. Rose did not give a full interview about the album until February 2009. There was literally zero promotion of the album except for advertisements for Best Buy, who exclusively sold the album. For his part, Rose refused to answer any phone calls or emails from the record company asking him to do anything related to promotion. Billboard would later report that both sides completely dropped the ball on the most anticipated rock record of the entire decade. In China, the album was banned because of the negative connotation the title had towards their treatment of government. In another development, Dr. Pepper had pledged to give anyone in the country a free Dr Pepper, if the album was released in 2008. Upon his release, they decided to maintain that pledge, but their servers crashed when too many people went on their site for a free coupon. This would end up in court as well as Rose blamed a part of the lack of promotion of the new album on Dr. Pepper’s failure to successfully manage this free giveaway. The group now went on tour for almost 3 years to promote the new album. They also needed to make money as their former manager had sued them for almost $2 million. The lawsuit was settled in 2011 for an undisclosed amount. The question now becomes as to whether the album was any good.

[dinamicus]

as I promised to @elenatria 

this probably needs a number of corrections

But, here: Chris's interview where he talks unknown aspects about his family

Chris Hemsworth's confessions:her children and Thor's "ridiculous" outfit

 The actor, the only superhero whose weapon is a Diy tool's, is a guy  with  a lot humor sense y much more  common sense than this fits in  mesh clothes.

  The premiere of Thor:Ragnarok is  in Octuber, and he 's the new ambassador  for Boos Bottle and reveals that his idol has nothing to do with the movie business

 Germany, September 13, 2017

 To understand why Chris Hemsworth has become one of the most desired guys in the planet, it's better not to become obssesed with his (certainly excessive) measures.

 It's enough put aside the tape measure  and watch some SNL's sketches  on Youtube to conclude that maybe the muscle that works best for this Australian( 33 )is the laugh.

 Few know about  self-parody so much as the Elsa Pataky's husband.( spanish, 1976,Madrid)  when he mocks his own success or his status as stereotype from muscular guy.It turns out that the action star, the celebrated incarnation of Thor, the sexiest hero in the Marvel universe, is a born comedian.

 Hemsworth, the new image of Boss Bottle perfume by Hugo Boss, wait for us.He appears tanned,in contrast to on another cloudy day in Metzingen, a town in southern Germany where the central building of the German company is located, created by the Riehle & Partner architectural firm. In this office, everything from work spaces to rest spaces responds to that Germanic precision of which the firm is proud.

 The actor is accompanied by his agent, a mature and attractive woman with the rictus and the uniform (black and expensive) that seems to be made for someone who exercises  lightning rods's proffesion for celebrities.

It's comforting to observe how the actor treats her (to her and all those around him) with those unforced manners that distinguish a good education.Hearty,too, but in balanced measure.

He was born in 1983 in Melbourne and grew up in "an aboriginal community". "I remember going without shoes, surrounded by buffalo and crocodiles," he says. He's brother of the also actors Luke and Liam Hemsworth.Hemsworth started his career at 18 years age in the popular Australian series Home and Away, a long tv series and local star's factory begins in late 80s,which have circulated, among others, Naomi Watts, Heath Ledger, Simon Baker, Guy Pearce, Fisher Island or Dannii Minogue.The natural step for every actor who triumphs in this land ( at the antipodes)is to travel to Los Angeles, and that's how Hemsworth jumped with barely 25 years age to the harsh fighting ring of Hollywood.

 It was not easy. Too big, too tall and too muscular for most roles, maybe that experience gave him a bath of humility that has only been positive in the long run.It's like that, if you put his name on Google, along with Elsa Pataky, family and muscles, another of the most repeated words is precisely that, humility.In that, the always present search engine is right

 From a closer point of view, he calls the attention his absolute lack of pretensions, the good nature, the affable smile and, yes, Chris Hemsworth is one of those actors who do not fulfill the rule and his appearance in person is better than on screen.

 Finally, in 2010 and thanks to the Thor's first movie, his luck changed.He becames in one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood. Since then and to the beat of the Marvel saga everything in his life grows without stopping.However, he seems to be a man attached to reality, with an idyllic memory of his childhood. But not so much of his adolescence.

 "As a child I learned a lot from the land, nature and aboriginal culture, their dances and traditions. In my house we were very lucky for that experience, my best memories revolve around those years "

 He has a closed accent and a neck excessively burned by the sun. Signs that reveal his new life: "Yes, now we live in Australia".

 The chosen place is the paradisiacal Byron Bay, a town with just 5,000 inhabitants, belonging to the state of New South Wales, on the east coast of the country, and that in tourist guides is presented as "the happiest place on the planet ... hippie, quiet and simple"

 "When we have children, Elsa and I decided that this would be our home" explain"We did not want to live in a city where we could never disconnect from work. In Los Angeles everything reminds you of the show business.Everything you see and all the people you talk to remind you of what you have or, even worse, what you have lost, and that did not seem good to our children. "

 "In Australia we live near the beach, in contact with nature, until they go to school without shoes, they spend the day running without clothes, they are raised like wild children, and that is something wonderful that they have these moments of their life. They love living like that and I think it's been a great decision. "

  With Pataky he got married in 2010. They have three children: India Rose, Tristan and Sasha. The actor doesn't hide that his values born on his origin family - his father was a teacher and his mother, a social worker - .A family pressed for lack of money.

 "From my parents and my brothers, I learned that the important thing in this life is to be good and generous.Also, to have compassion for others, and that it does not matter where you come from or where you have been raised.

The  Life is nothing other than the decisions you make. My parents taught us to be free in our decisions. We grew up without any money and as a child I was very aware of the stress they were going through at home to pay the bills each month."

 "I remember perfectly asking them when they could finish paying for the house and I remember too that they told me that they would probably never finish doing it.That feeling of frustration marked my adolescence, but I don't know why, really. Actually, that was the reason why I started working as an actor, it was an easy way to earn money.At the beginning, that was my only goal: pay the house, forget the bank. It was very weird because the day we finally liquidated all the debts,I had to look for a real reason to do what I was doing and that scared me a lot. I had to find out if I wanted to act or not.And that's when my great luck came: I really liked it! "

   Hemsworth mentions his wife more than once, even her name emerges to justify that his face is now identified with a perfume like Boss Bottled. "Elsa liked the smell."

  From the antipodes( the reports likes this word O_o), she answers by e-mail what are the  attributes that she  most admired of her partner.

"His honesty and his sense of humor:he always makes us laugh. I have learned a lot with him, I'm impressed by his work's capacity and how he overcome oneself. I have learned to be more patient, less impulsive and more rational, we have grown a lot together "

 Their common path, he says, will be closer to Spain in the future. "I've been in Madrid and Barcelona for work, it really was two or three days nothing more. Before we lived what our profession forced us, but since we decided to break with that and settle in Australia things have changed. I know ,for Elsa it is important that our children speak Spanish and know her culture,too"

"She always speaks to them in her language, although they respond in English. The truth is we would like to spend more time in Spain, travel with them a couple of times a year and spend at least a month together there. Maybe, that's could my Spanish got improves . Do you know that Elsa speaks four or five languages?Is not that something insulting?

Everyone says that Australians and Spaniards are alike, and I think it's true, we are very passionate and social, we like festive life, friends, going out, dinners, barbecues ... Surely that's why we get along so well.."

  To the question abouth who are his idols, his referents, Hemsworth offers a unexpectedly answer, worthy of one of the protagonists of The Great Wednesday, cinematic bible of surfing and the only film that practitioners from the religion of the waves recognize as a masterpiece .

 For Hemsworth, it's clear: "Along to my parents, Kelly Slater, the 11-time world surf champion, is my great idol," he confesses. "For me he was a god because of everything he did and how he did it. His determination, how he loved the sport, how he transmitted that love, inspired me a lot as a kid. To top it off, over the years I have come to know him and it has been very exciting for me, because my idol from my young years turns out to be a great guy that I like very much, "he laughs.

  We proved that  Hemsworth's heroes are flesh and blood, and so, he remembers that it was hard for him to enter into the skin of the mythological Thor,whose third installment, Thor: Ragnarok, opens on October 27. Hemsworth takes up the role of the Norse god in a film that features actors Tom Hiddlestone, Cate Blanchett, Idris Elba, Benedict Cumberbatch, Anthony Hopkins and Mark Ruffalo, among others.The synopsis is more or less the following: the  Marvel's God of the Thunder (Chris) will have to deal with the fatal Hela,(his compatriot Blanchett), who at the beginning of the film destroys the almighty Mjölnir (Thor's hammer) Hela invades Asgard,and the defeated son of Odin (Thor) finishes in the planet Sakaar fighting like a gladiator next to Hulk (Mark Ruffalo). Together, with the help from Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston), they will have to stop Hela. Does it sound a bit convoluted? The thing works better in images, according to the movie's first trailer.

 Interestingly, the  photography's director from Ragnarok is the Spanish Javier Aguirresarobe, who for six months lived with the team in Australia, where the film was filmed. A film, says the collaborator of directors such as Woody Allen, Pedro Almodóvar or Alejandro Amenábar, which is nothing like what he had done until to date and whose visual display sums up with two words: " it's monstrous"..

 "You become in one part in a chain, you work side by side with the visual effects team and create an atmosphere, that ultimately,you don't know very well  how it'll come out of all at the end,." And in the center of that universe, the actors: "Chris already has a lot of experience and knows how to fight very well against nothing" Aguirresarobe only praises him: "He's normal, very natural. A cheerful and happy guy. Always smiling. he's very human. they live in that paradise of Byron Bay and being with them is a pleasure. He's a sensational, quiet guy. He transmits everything with his eyes and his looking"

  According to Aguirresarobe, both Hemsworth and Cate Blanchett does make him think that the Australians "are not purely Hollywood, they are something else". "It's amazing the physical and dramatic exercise of Cate Blanchett in the film. Lift the leg as in an aurresku( local dances form basque, I think). What a woman! "

   Hemsworth's sense of humor also helps him empathize with a character, and he delivery to it with more than just superpowers. Despite this, he admits that the first time he wore Thor's suit he couldn't help and the nervous laugh entered him: "All the time I looked myself ridiculous, I thought that nobody was going to like it. And the first time I wore it on, the suit was too small for me! Really, it was pretty ridiculous. The truth is that for a while I felt very silly. "

  After seven years stuck in thor's skin, the actor has had a lot of time , and that's why he says that Thor: Ragnarok has arrived the change that the character needed.

 "It's very different from previous films and that's something I needed because I was getting very bored with him and myself. I needed something new, I feel that everything was so much familiar.  I needed feel scared again in a set, leave my comfort zone and feeling that something unexpected could happen at any time. It's been so different that I just can be grateful to the director, Taika Waititi, for giving to Thor such a fresh air. He has done a really interesting job and I'm sure that the movie will surprise all us a lot. " Regarding the future, and despite the fact at least one new sequel has been announced, he's prudent: "Contractually I do not have any more obligations, but it'll depend on what they offer me. The truth is that I enjoyed so much with this last film that right now I would not mind repeating at all. But we'll see. "

 With his personality,so grounded to the reality, he admits that his was never escaped towards reading superhero comics. "I liked Superman, things like that, but nothing else"

  Even if today it gave him superpowers he would have it quite clear: "First I would change the most obvious things: I would give with the hammer in the head to some another human beings for change our attitude towards the planet, we have very little time left.But above all, I would intervene in our way of communicating, all the negative consequences of social networks. I would try to make everything go back a little slower, a little more seriously, that things would not be seen only as transitory impacts. The things would ceased to be adored or despised , without let exist a range of grays in between. I would like to erase all the bad things that simplistic way of seeing the world has brought. "

 Fuente:x

[wrassleslashlibraryarchive]

🎃💀👻You’re wearing the same costume as my friend and I’m sorry for sneaking up on you like that I didn’t meant to scare you so badly/tacklehug you…oh my god, please don’t cry/hit me…🎃💀👻

Characters: AJ Styles, Kenny Omega, Chris Sabin, Finn Balor, Bray Wyatt

Author’s Tags: AU, supernatural, unexplained phenomena, Metamorphosis, break up, blind date, gore

Author’s Note: LOOSELY based on the “You’re wearing the same costume as my friend” prompt. Like, totally different direction than I think the original one was going for. Kind of also hits the “nice costume? These are my normal clothes” prompt as well.

WSL Prompt Contest Entry number: NS2

Summary:

AJ allows his roommate to talk him into going on a blind date. Everything goes to hell from there.

Perhaps it wasn’t fair to blame everything that happened over Halloween night on Chris.

Chris meant well. When he’d received a call from his college roommate asking for a place to stay for a couple weeks, Chris allowed it. Chris spent so much time working on his web series, he’d explained, that he was hardly ever in the bedroom, so he’d offered it up to his suddenly displaced college roommate. When a couple weeks turned into three months, all Chris asked for was a few hundred dollars and the occasional voice acting on whatever animation he was working on.

For AJ, it was more than a steal, it was salvation. He’d felt so zapped after his breakup, zapped after leaving behind his home and Shadow… zapped from having his ex continue to come around… having someone who was understanding and helpful was awesome.

Of course, with a little more distance between the breakup and the present, Chris’ help veered into another direction.

“What do you mean, I got a date tomorrow?!”

Chris was still grinning. AJ could remember everything about how he looked in that moment, from the loose faded t-shirt to the marker stains on the sides of his hands. “Look, I know I probably should’ve asked you first, but I think getting out of the house will be good for you! It doesn’t have to be a big thing or nothing, just go out and have fun!”

“With who?”

“Not how blind dates work.”

“What if I have plans?”

“On Halloween? You don’t believe in Halloween.”

“Then why should I have a date on Halloween?”

“Don’t think of it as a Halloween party, it’s a costume party. With candy.” Chris shrugs. “You can’t stand this guy up now. He’ll be crushed if you don’t show up.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Look. It’s just a date. And I really think it’ll make it easier to deal with… you know.”

AJ cringes at the euphemism. He does know. He’d do anything not to have to deal with “you know”, but three years was a lot to leave behind. They shared a house, they shared a dog… really, AJ shouldn’t be surprised that he still came around. AJ wasn’t even sure what he wanted anymore. He made no comments about them getting back together, but still, like clockwork, they kept “bumping” into one another. Even in places where it was impossible for it to be an accident. He wasn’t subtle about it, so AJ knew a talk would come up eventually.

Drained. AJ was drained.

“I don’t have a costume.”

The grin widened. Chris knew he’d won.

“Leave that to me, yeah?”

***

AJ supposed he should’ve seen it coming. After all, they talked about how he didn’t believe in Halloween, and Chris had a go at his beliefs plenty of times when they were in college together. Four wasted years, a C average that paid for a sports scholarship that ended up nowhere. Chris, at the time, had been studying engineering—which he swore worked in his new career of independent comics and cartoons, but AJ didn’t care enough to ask how. Plenty could change in the years since they graduated.

Plenty, apparently, except this.

The feathery white wings on the folding table were enough of a tip off. He sighed, rolling his eyes at Chris, who was still grinning. It must’ve been one of those nights, because he was wearing the same faded tee, black circles around his eyes. AJ was sure if he went to the living room he’d find Chris’s supplies all over the place, computer still open to whatever editing he was doing.

“They had a version that came with little white panties but I didn’t think you’d appreciate that one. Your date would’ve gone crazy for it…”

“Shut up.”

There was a white vest and, thankfully, white pants. There was also a long golden cord and gold armlets. All things considered, the costume was tasteful. Besides the wings, it wasn’t entirely embarrassing to be seen in outside.

“You like it?”

AJ shrugs. “Don’t dislike it.”

“I’ll take it.”

For a moment, AJ reminded himself of what exactly Chris did here. Reminded himself of Chris’s good intentions, of the fact that his old college roommate actually bought him a costume and went out of his way to set him up on a date. Even if tonight tanked, well, Chris meant well.

“I know I probably sound like I’m not grateful but…”

“It’s fine, AJ.” Chris patted his hand on his shoulder. “You’ll thank me after you get…” And Chris thrusted his hips toward AJ, making AJ shove him. Chris laughed at the joke, but AJ wasn’t much for hooking up, even less so while dressed as an angel. He hoped whoever Chris set him up with wasn’t expecting too much.

Looking back, it was almost comical what he was worried about. And contrary to Chris’ prediction, AJ would probably never thank him for that blind date.

***

Chris suggested he wear sandals for the look. AJ just wore his sneakers.

The pants were snug around the hips, so AJ threw an extra pair of jeans in the back of his truck alongside the wings. Besides, by the end of the night, it would be nice to be in normal clothes again. He’d asked Chris who he was looking for, but all Chris gave him was the costume he was looking for. The Terminator, of all things. Chris wasn’t even coming, having planned a midnight movie and brainstorming session with the rest of the guys who worked on Castle Crashing. Even more motivation to get out of the house—Chris, Sonjay, and Alex were pretty good dudes apart from each other, but around each other? They fed each other’s worst impulses.

It also didn’t help that they all knew AJ’s ex to some degree. Sonjay and Alex would look at him like they’d already chosen a side. AJ didn’t want them to choose a side, and quite frankly, he didn’t want there to be sides to choose.

Joe got the house and their dog. What more did he want from AJ?

The GPS was bringing him away from the busier streets. There were adults in costumes on the street, walking and laughing together, but there didn’t seem to be people who just lived there. No stores, no windows alight, no young trick or treaters. Everyone on this stretch of road, AJ thought, was going where he was. His eyes scanned for a Terminator. Outside on a cold October night, it was nearly impossible. There were loads of leather jackets. Over policemen, over vampires, over Eleven… come to think of it the Terminator seemed like a generic costume. It was a biker outfit in the film, wasn’t it?

Maybe that’s why Chris made sure AJ would stand out like a sore, feathered thumb.

He’d found parking, and walked with his wings in hand to the front door. A line let him know where the door was, short and moving at the same speed as people walked to the door. Once AJ’s in, all he has to do is find his Terminator.

What if AJ wasn’t ready to date? It had only been a couple of months since AJ’s breakup. He still didn’t have his own apartment. Yet here he was, dressed completely in white. What was the Terminator after? A fun night? Someone to break a funk, like AJ was? Did he hope this would be the start of something? He should’ve pumped Chris for more information. He half hoped that Chris was a failure at setting him up, and he could leave the date without feeling bad. A goof like Alex or Sonjay. He could go back to Chris’ house and just go to sleep.

God, he sounded like an old fart.

A Freddy Krueger with pigtails was in front of AJ, and she was loudly complaining about leaving her claws at the door. A heavyset man in a t-shirt and fedora kept smiling at the Freddy, reiterating the No Weapons rule. Behind him was a box of mostly guns, littered with chains and fake knives.

“They’re plastic!” She yelled, pressing the claws against her hand. They bend upon contact.

“No Weapons. You can leave them here or you can leave with them.”

The girl scowled, before pulling her glove off, and then stomping inside. The man’s smile was glued to his face as AJ stepped forward. It was almost creepy.

“Am I allowed these?” AJ lifted the wings.

“If you wish.”

AJ waited to hear a price, but he and the security just stared at each other, so AJ walked inside. The ceilings were high. A booming remix blared from the loud speakers. The walls had horror movies projected on them, but there was no sound for the screams. People were either laughing in little circles or dancing, plastic cups in their hands.

AJ pulled on his wings, making sure they don’t hit anyone around him. Yeah, this wasn’t exactly his scene. Maybe he could convince the Terminator to leave and just go grab some pizza.

The drinks were free as well, and it took way too long to get one. His hand reached under his wing, scratching his back as he moved closer. AJ picked up candy off the table as he waited for the red drink. Ugh. It was a strong punch, scrunching his face at the taste of it. The bartender just laughed at him and said “Hey, it’s free!”

AJ was more than ready to go.

He’d walked passed a couple people in leather jackets, only to find they were dressed as something or someone else. Escaped prisoner in a leather jacket. A mouse in a leather jacket. Han Solo in a leather jacket. The punch was gone when he’d finally spotted someone he’d believed was his guy—a little short, shirtless, in black pants. His body was incredible. Chris didn’t do too badly, just based off the look of the man.

So different from his ex.

Oh God, the Terminator didn’t deserve that.

The Terminator caught sight of him as he walked toward him, an amused smile. He’s pretty sure the Terminator was staring at his wings, and he felt like he should’ve left them in the car. He almost looked out of place in all white. Maybe he shouldn’t be here. Maybe it was too soon.

“I’m sorry,” he started, before the Terminator could speak, “I don’t know what Chris told ya, but I… I kinda just got out of a serious relationship and we cared a lot about each other. Maybe I still do and maybe it’s too soon but I don’t… I don’t wanna keep moping. So I might be a little weird and I hope we can still have fun tonight.”

The amusement never left his face, a chuckle as AJ finished. A pink flush spread across his face, realizing that the laugh was definitely at his expense. “You’re an awful date.” The Terminator had an accent—Irish? “You’re awfully lucky that I’m not yours, I spared the poor guy your little speech.”

“You’re… not? But you’re… you’re not the Terminator?”

“I have no idea who you are. And I’m certainly not the Terminator.” Another laugh. “You think I’m big enough to be the Terminator?”

AJ tried to smile in return, but his stomach felt tight. How embarrassing. “Sorry, you looked like… I thought… my date’s probably dressed like you.”

“I figured.”

“So what are you?” The man’s brow furrowed. “I mean your costume. If you’re not the Terminator…���

“Oh. I’m me.” A laugh, and AJ wished he thought to be himself. And at the same time, he had a hard time believing this guy walked around without a shirt all the time.

Without warning, the man walked forward, way too close. AJ put a hand out to stop him, which just made him laugh again. But it stopped him. “What are you doin’?”

The man didn’t respond. Instead, he reached around AJ, touching a wing. The innocent outcome was nowhere near enough to shake off the feeling something was off. “Perhaps you’d like to change before midnight.” Almost whispered. A tug on the wing.

AJ shoved him, and the man just laughed. AJ started to walk away, considering the idea that the man tried to scare him on purpose. It was Halloween, after all. And AJ was the dork wearing wings.

***

AJ’s breath caught when he finally found another Terminator—first Terminator, the other guy wasn't Arnold—and he snuck off to the bathroom as fast as he could. It was down stone stairs, a dark basement with a locked door and a single door with a written TOILET sign on it. He dialed Chris’ number, and it took barely even a moment for him to pick it up.

“AJ? How’s it going?” He hears a chorus of hellos from Sonjay and Alex.

“You’re trash, you know that?”

“Wait, what?”

“What were you thinking, setting me up with Kenny?!”

When Chris had said a blind date, AJ imagined a stranger. Kenny was anything but. He was a coworker. A friend. If this went tits up, AJ would have to walk into the office and try to avoid him. He’d half wished Kenny was like the weird Irishman, just so happening to wear the outfit, but the half metal mask made it clear that Kenny was his Terminator.

“What was I thinking, setting you up with a hot, funny dude who likes you? Oh goodness me, AJ, I’ve been a terrible friend. They should lock me up. No wait, better yet, you should come stab me. I deserve it.”

The idea that Kenny might like him… like him… made it worse. Except he didn’t. AJ was with him nearly every day before they got calls, and Kenny treated him no differently from anyone else in the office. He was nice. And even if he did, AJ really couldn’t lead him on.

“What did you tell him, Chris? That he was just meeting some angel?”

“No, he knows he’s meeting you.”

And he’d only told AJ he was the goddamn Terminator. “Sabin.”

“Look. It’s an easy enough set up, he likes you and you’re both already comfortable with each other. Besides, guess who came by while you were out?” AJ sighed. He didn’t need to be told. “He goes, ‘I’ve got AJ’s mail’… as if Joe couldn’t just mail it to us, the freak… and he asks to see you. I tell him you aren’t here, but I’ll take the mail, but he just walks off with your mail! He’s holding it hostage, and this is beyond unhealthy. You need something healthy. Go climb on that very willing robot and have fun.”

“I can’t lead him on, Chris.”

“You won’t! He knows your situation, right? I don’t think he’s expecting much.”

He did. Sometimes it felt like everyone did. Kenny had covered a couple shifts for him when the break up was fresh. “Fine. But if this is a disaster I’m kicking your butt.”

“I accept. Have fun! Use protection!”

He hated Chris Sabin. He hated him so very much.

AJ went to the bathroom, washing his hands and face, trying to amp himself up for this. He wished he’d saved the speech for Kenny, now he felt ridiculous even mentioning it. Even if it made him an awful date, he had to make sure he and Kenny were on the same page if they were going to do anything tonight. Not Chris’ version of anything, AJ was quite certain having sex with Kenny was the worst possible thing to do.

He was wrong, but at the moment, he was so very certain.

Once he was back upstairs, it didn’t take long to find Kenny. A grin as Kenny sipped the punch, making a face as he tasted it. He quietly set the cup down by the wall, walking far away from the red drink. He wished he’d thought to do that. He wished he had more alcohol, something that would make this easier. Kenny finally caught sight of him and smiled, motioning him over with the nod of his head.

“I’m not sure I’m ready to date.” AJ spat out, over the music. Smooth.

“I said yes because Sabin was really insistent!” Kenny laughed, just as fast. “I thought if I said no Sabin would’ve found someone to fuck you. And yes, those were the words he used!”

“I hate him!” AJ laughed with Kenny. He couldn’t believe how easy that was. He’d worked himself up downstairs for nothing. “Should we get more… whatever that punch is?”

“Fuck no. Let's just have a good time, yeah?"

AJ expected a terrible night, and for a while, it seemed like he was proven wrong.

Once Kenny showed he understood, the rest was easy. Kenny mocked the Jason deaths on the projectors; they talked about their coworkers; they dared each other to drink the punch. Kenny was a bad dancer and AJ was a worse one, so they decided just to pump their fists like idiots. Sometimes, Kenny knew the words, and he would sing along. Without a care. With someone to enjoy it with, the party morphed into something entirely tolerable.

For a while, it was just fun. Dancing and joking around with a friend. He didn't need a date, he just needed to get off his butt and have fun. Maybe let Chris and his monkey friends take him to the movies. He'd leave with popcorn in his hair, but he'd have fun.

"Are you hungry?" Kenny yelled over the music.

In fact, he'd been hungry all night. "I thought about ditching you and getting pizza!"

"How about you do that, except not ditch me?" Kenny grinned. "I'm gonna pee and then we can get out of here."

"All right!"

AJ walked with him over to the stairs, before leaning against the wall. It was funny how things worked out. All those nerves for nothing.

“How’s the date?”

AJ twisted around, looking at the Irish guy. He was still smiling. Their last conversation in mind, AJ could not help but take a step back towards the stairs, put more space between them. God, they should’ve just left, Kenny could’ve just held it to the pizza parlor. “All right.”

“Didn’t scare him off with your honesty then?”

AJ shrugs in response, before starting off for the stairs. He’ll wait for Kenny there, get him out as quickly as he could.

“You know.” Just loud enough to hear. AJ turns to look at him again. He was walking closer, and AJ wondered what were his odds if he fought this guy. “You should’ve changed.”

“Didn’t bring spare pants,” AJ lied, before remembering the words he’d said. Perhaps you'd like to change before midnight. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket. It was almost midnight, a mere two minutes. How did that happen?

The man just laughed at the statement. “You’ll have to live with that choice, then.”

His eyes weren’t on AJ anymore, and he’d followed his glance to the front. He’d swallowed as he watched the heavyset bouncer take a chain much like the one in the basement and pull it around the doors. From here, there was no way he could hear the clink, and yet somehow AJ felt like he did. His hands felt cold.

“What is he doing?” AJ shouted, but then he felt himself yanked around. The man had grabbed him by the elbow and was still holding him tightly.

“I’ve never seen one of you,” he says quietly, “But I think I’d love to. I’d stick by me if I were you, the party’s about to get a little wild.”

AJ kept pulling but the man held tightly. He didn’t understand. Was he trying to scare him again? He’d looked around, trying to see what anyone was doing. No one seemed to notice the bouncer. Or them, for that matter. What was going on?

“I wonder who brought you here tonight. I hope they were worth it.”

“Let me go,” AJ snarled, but the threat felt meaningless when he couldn’t even pull out of his hand. He reached back his free hand, ready to swing... and he screamed. Searing pain went down his back, making it feel like he was being torn in two. It seemed too loud to be just him, and it wasn't. There was screaming all around him, and he couldn't focus on what was going on. He pitched forward and the man's hand held him up.

AJ tried to focus on a prayer but the words seemed jumbled. He screamed again, but he couldn't hear himself this time. Was that... oh god, was that a roar? He wasn't even sure what he was hearing anymore.

He reached his free hand back, touching where it hurt the most, and yet... he couldn't reach under his wings to his spine. No, rather than feeling the smooth material of his vest, he felt frayed thread and warm, hard, feathery... no. His fingers slid against the threads until he felt his flesh. He pressed against it and groaned. He couldn't feel where the wings ended and his back began. His fingers went back to the feathery appendage and pushed.

He felt that. Oh god, he felt that.

AJ's eyes opened and the first thing he realized was that the man was staring straight at him. Something was tickling his legs. "Look at you." He breathed, and AJ wasn't sure what he meant. And then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something else. Something orange.

That was definitely a roar.

His head turned slowly, and he sucked in a breath as he saw a tiger. A gigantic tiger. It had pounced on someone and AJ could see the blood on the tiger's mouth. The person on the floor was wearing a cop costume. It almost felt as if there were claws pushing at his own chest, teeth tearing into his neck. AJ could feel his fear... or maybe that was his own. There were more animals, all over, and most of them had attacked. A mouse scuttled by on the floor, and AJ put his free hand over his mouth, with a sudden, impossible thought. It couldn't be. And yet...

He looked back at the man, who was smiling. Beyond him, he could see people running for the door. Pushing against the lock. They were screaming, pushing, but the chain held steady. He couldn't hear the bouncer or even see him, but he felt his laugh in his body. All this suffering, all this pain... it was amusing to them.

"Just stay by me. It'll be over soon."

Like hell.

AJ thought of punching him, and yet it wasn't his arm that swung out. No, it was a large, white wing that fluttered out, AJ shaking in shock. The wing swung again, this time smacking the man in the arm, and AJ felt the grip loosen.

"Come on!"

Kenny.

AJ threw himself towards the stairs, nearly stumbling as he went down. Kenny grabbed him and his mouth dropped open. Half of his face was replaced with metal, as if the mask fused with his face. His left eye was a shiny, red bead, focused on AJ just as much as his normal one. The chrome side looked smaller than the other half of his face, as if the other half were the mask now, Kenny's features easily ripped off. "Oh no."

"We have to go." Kenny's eyes kept looking upward, past AJ. At his... no, he couldn't think it, couldn't  This couldn't be happening. He just followed Kenny, feeling the walls against his... oh Christ. Oh Christ.

Kenny turned to the locked door and wrapped his hand around the chain. A simple tug broke it, sending a few links flying. They were through the door, and as Kenny closed it, he reached back with the chain. AJ's hand shot out, wrapping around Kenny's cold wrist.

"We can't close that off." AJ whispered urgently. "There are people up there."

Kenny nodded, tossing the chain to the ground and then running down the hall. AJ followed, a batting sound behind him. Coming from him, he realized, feeling sick. The screaming was still audible, yet it seemed so far from them. AJ wondered if anyone would open the door, follow them down this hall. Still, there was just them

The door at the end of the hall opened easily, Kenny ramming his shoulder into it. AJ saw a red sign that said EXIT, and he never needed an invitation less. This door, AJ opened, and they both ran outside into the cold night air.

"What the fuck happened in there?" Kenny was still moving, running. AJ just followed, hoping whereever Kenny lead, it was far away from here.

"I don't know." It was honest and yet... it was all right in front of him, really. AJ knew exactly what happened, not how, or why, but Kenny was actually the goddamn Terminator and AJ was a...

Look at you.

"I wanted to go get pizza." It felt stupid, and small, and that was all AJ could think to say. He should've asked before. He should've been asked Kenny to leave with him to get pizza. He wished he never agreed to come out tonight

"I wish I held it."

AJ eventually caught sight of Kenny's van, knowing their destination. The lights blinked in the distance. "We should call for help."

Kenny turned to him. "What would we say?"

AJ didn't have an answer.

Kenny opened the driver's side door, sliding in. AJ tried the same on the other side but felt the outside of the car slam against him. Ow. He tried again. His body fit, but not as it was now. Not with his wings. They refused to fold into his body so he could slide into the front.

"Hey Ken. Can you open the back?"

Kenny cracked the saddest smile AJ had ever seen.

Kenny drove while AJ sat in the back, alongside Kenny's toolbox and a toilet bowl. Kenny told him he could move anything, but he didn't have to. He didn't care to. Too much happened over the past few hours and AJ was drained. And this was meant to snap him out of his funk.

"Fuck Chris." Kenny muttered from the front.

AJ leaned against the divider, feeling his new wings flutter against his neck and shoulders. "Yeah." The feathers tickling his skin the only reason why he doesn't repeat after Kenny, the thought of doing so like this repugnant. But it was all he could think.

Maybe it was unfair to blame Chris Sabin, but he was going to do it anyway.

[meltlilies]

he's like a hurricane, trouble's his middle name;

raywood | 1.7k | fahc / past implied illegal box

most couples, when they share clothes, have their friends make a couple jokes at their expense and realize how physically different they are.

however, in typical melodramatic fashion, ray and ryan cause a citywide police blockade and chase, destroy a business linage with one bullet and break gavin's nose.

on AO3

honestly, special thanks to @michaelsgavin and @juggey for retweeting ray in ryan’s jacket one day, which lead to me commissioning some art from sami and then writing this. enjoy! it’s my first ragehappy fic, i hope it’s a good one!

Ray’s pretty fucking sure that the cops of Los Santos must’ve paid to get onto the force, because these assholes definitely didn’t make their way through an entire college degree; Ray thinks himself pretty damn smart despite getting a GED the very first time he got the chance, but these goons are, some-fucking-how, stupider than Gavin is on a bad day (or an old crew member, on a good).  

 “It’s the Vagabond!” No, it’s Brownman in his jacket. I don’t even have half the muscle mass or ass he does. “Call in the SWAT team!” I’m gonna kick Ryan’s ass for taking my hoodie from the safe house. How the fuck does that thing even fit him? He’s a human dorito that’s a good two or three sizes bigger than me, he’s gonna look like an asshole. Well, a bigger one than usual.

 Today, was supposed to be a nice, clean hit. Get to a rooftop, pop some rich kid’s entitled head off. Now he’s got half the police department on his ass because he and his morally repugnant (better) half had to give the old clothes switcheroo. Ray has spent the better part of a fucking year beating around the bush about how close he and the hurricane of a mercenary, the Vagabond, and this is gonna ruin everything. He can already see Gavin's smug fucking face. God damn it. He just revs of the engine of the bike he just stole, trying to get to his position before the cops actually come to their senses and attempt to do their fucking jobs right for once in their lives.

 -

 He's a little early for the time he'd been given despite his hectic encounter--this wasn't a fakes job, he just was bored in their downtime and some old friends asked for a favor--so he set to slowly putting his rifle together; the rendezvous point had originally been but a couple avenues down from the safe house he was currently housed up in with tall dark and scary, but the unexpected police convention in the 7/11 he'd planning to get a monster and a couple donuts from made for some good time to kill. 

 Apparently most of the downtown area was under surveillance for the Vagabond.

 They can have fun looking for what isn't there. 

 Now, back to the scheduled actual homicide. Ray takes a breath, and looks into scope, taking in the all glass building where his target's supposed to making some kind of business deal that'll probably make him ever richer than he needs to be; there's too much movement, too many faces and bodies blocking what he needs to see and he goes to grab his phone to check the reference picture when--

~♫ here he is, the biggest douche in the uuuuuuniverse ♫~

[11:47:87] gavinofree: Y'know, most people don't raise hell on their walks of shame.

[11:48:72] gavinofree: Is keeping each other's jackets a consolation prize for the worst sex of your lives?

[11:49:32] gavinofree: Sorry, Rye's life. 

[11:51:81] gavinofree: I called it, by the way. I knew you two were shagging! {attachment the_smug_gavin_face.jpeg}

It takes Ray a good moment to collect himself, and not consider kicking Gavin's ass. He settles on ruining the mountain that is his nose, less collateral damage that way. 

[11:59:69] brownman: you use the word shagging between ryan and i's names ever again and i will permanently change your legal name to austin randy powers

[12:00:13] brownman: also i'm gonna go independence day on your god damn nose when i get back to the penthouse

[12:00:77] brownman: say goodbye to your sharkfin face, asshole

[12:01:42] gavinofree: You're gonna throw tea on my face, wot?

[12:01:57] brownman: the movie, with will smith

[12:01:88] brownman: i'm gonna hit you again, for not seeing the classic film

[12:02:07] brownman: you're a god damn travesty

  He sighs, quickly taking a look at his mark's picture. The breeze is strong up here, and he has to zip up--Ryan's jacket that is way too big and baggy on him and makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside like when he perfects a game or snipes through five people with one bullet or makes Gavin knock into something expensive in the penthouse and watches Geoff tear him an absolutely new one--so the flaps in the wind don't throw off his aim. 

  Breathe.

  He crouches, ever so slightly, mentally calculating the allowances he's got to make to get the shot perfectly. Align his back, angle the barrel straight, angle a few degrees off to the side. 

  Breathe.

  The asshole goes up to the window--wall? he doesn't fucking know how these stupid yuppie skyscrapers work--and right into his crosshairs. Perfect.

  Bang! 

  It's almost beautiful for a split second, the glass shattering like the beautiful lovechild of a snowflake and a spiderweb, before it all goes red and the entire board room goes into a panic. Ray shakes himself out of his dramatic and poetic stupor, to first take his rifle apart, pack it up and fucking book it out of here, then to send a text.

  [12:17:49] brownman: okay, quick question

[12:17:69] brownman: i wanna do this the right way myself

[12:18:09] brownman: actually two questions

[12:18:99] brownman: can you grab michael for like, a minute when i get to the penthouse and how do you throw a good like one-two punch

[12:19:86] BMVagabond: I have a feeling these two things are very interconnected. Do you mean like, grab as in distract or grab as in hold him down because I can do both.

[12:21:19] brownman: you're not wrong

[12:21:52] brownman: whichever works, i doubt michael's gonna stop gavin from getting his ass kicked

[12:21:97] brownman: like baseball is for normal americans, seeing gavin get his just desserts is the crew's national pastime

[12:22:22] brownman: now give me those punchy deets

[12:23:44] BMVagabond: Okay, I'm just gonna send you a video, it's quicker. Let me hide in the bathroom real quick.

[12:23:77] brownman: make sure you make lots of moaning noises, pretend to have phone sex with me

[12:24:01] brownman: let the visual of my sensual unfit skinny body rock your dick, babe

[12:27:88] BMVagabond {Attached fist_vid_for_ray.mp4} Okay. 1: I didn't know we were at babe level, good to know. 2: I never want to read or listen to you stay those words ever again or I'm going to have to break up with you and find a more eloquent boyfriend. A real wordsmith. 

[12:28:31] brownman: aw babe don't hurt me like this, you haven't even gotten to the rest of my horrible personality traits

[12:39:21] brownman: WAIT DID YOU SAY BOYFRIEND

  Ray proceeds to spend the rest of his commute--he ties the jacket around his waist, goes and eats about seven burgers for lunch and takes the subway all the way back to his actual home, like a proper member of society--practicing making a proper fist along with swinging whenever there isn't someone next to him and mentally screaming because Ryan just used the word.

  The big old word.

 The b word. 

  Hoo boy. Oh man, he'll deal with that later when he doesn't have a smug British invasion of privacy to stop.

  -

  Ryan greets him as the door and it takes a lot for Ray not to burst into laughter at the sight before him. He's honestly amazed that the man even managed to get the thing on his arms, much less zip it all the way up; he looks like someone had the misfortune of putting a condom on an eggplant in health class, and it's equally jarring that he's in such a bright color too. 

  "Hey, you give that back right now mister. You're gonna ruin the elastic--big bad Vagabond and boyfriend or not, I can't have you going around and besmirching my aesthetic all willy-nilly. I work very hard to look like garbage, I'll have you know." 

  "Those are some big words and if I didn't know better, I'd say you read a thesaurus since your last text."

  "You better know better. Please, you know I never learned how to read." He just tugs on the older man's sleeve--well, his sleeve, whatever--with an almost pout. "Give it back. I don't wanna get Gavin's blood on your good jacket when I break his nose." Ryan shrugs in a 'fair enough' way and they exchange jackets. Ray's a little pissed about the sleeves being slightly stretched out, but a good wash would fix it (but a wash would get rid of the weird scent of gunpowder and cologne that Ryan has on him and that would absolutely lowkey upset Ray--maybe he should just, do this again). He's about to take the first step to giving that smug asshole a good what for, when Ryan grabs his shoulder and he spins on his heel. "What."

  "So you gotta keep your hands level with your shoulders, right--" Ryan gets behind Ray, and positions him properly. "--and have a wide stance. Twist your hips a bit when you swing and you'll have more power behind your strikes. Lead with a quick jab to daze him, and then give him a right cross." A couple demonstrations and Ray leaves--no, saunters out of the room--ready to strike. 

  Ryan's halfway through a sip of Diet Coke when he hears a distinct sound of a dying bird squawk, follow by the sound of the same bird hitting the carpeted floor of the living room floor. Geoff, walks in and sighs.

  "If you two are gonna start dating, you better keep each other on a leash. 'Cause I can't afford Gavin getting sent to the hospital every other week because you two decided to double team him."

  "Duly noted." And in that moment, Gavin comes in clutching the ruins of his once great and large nose.

  "Geoffrey, Ray broke my nose, he's being a prick--" His whining is drowned out by both Jeremy and Michael, cackling and obviously video taping the whole thing. 

  Michael replays the whole thing for Ryan, and it's a pretty good first try. 

  They find Ray sulking on the couch, playing one handed tetris while the other is wrapped in an ice pack. 

  "His stupid face hurt my hand."

[quadrophenicc]

Alice Glass and Lydia Lunch on Why Pleasure is the Ultimate Feminist Rebellion            

Alice Glass ran away from home for the first time when she was 14 years old. She moved into a dilapidated house in downtown Toronto, split the rent with 20 other teenagers, and, one year later, ran into Ethan Kath high out of her mind in the streets. The two went on to form Crystal Castles, the witchy, bleakly aggressive electronic Toronto outfit that came to define a certain sound of the mid-aughts. The band’s front woman, she was so much more than just a figurehead—she was a magnetic force to be reckoned with. Crystal Castles toured for six years straight, and in October of 2014, she broke out on her own. Now Glass is preparing to release her debut solo album. The new offering is dark—she has compared its sound to “kittens eating their hoarding owners after they die”—and its first single, “Stillbirth,” is an anthem for domestic violence survivors, a screaming, visceral cry. This music is personal—her most intimate offering yet—representing a move toward a style that reaches outside electronica. Lydia Lunch, the legendary No Wave poet, writer, speaker, and musician, called Glass from her home in Park Slope. The two spoke about crawling out of bedroom windows, how the nuclear family is the ultimate fascist society, and just how art has saved them, time and again.  

Alice Glass—Thanks so much for agreeing to talk with me, Lydia! This is an honor.

Lydia Lunch—I wish I was out in L.A. driving around with you through Echo Park right now, but we’ll have to do this on the psychic and verbal plane for now.

Alice—I’d like to imagine that. I can’t drive, so I’m going to imagine you driving.

Lydia—I was reading up on you, and it seems that we’ve had a quite similar background as teenage runaways and upstarts. We knew what we had to do.

Alice—I moved [away] from home when I was about 15. I just couldn’t live there anymore and the community I was in, it just seemed like the natural thing to do.

Lydia—Yeah, the microcosm of a fascist society: the nuclear family. Get the fuck out! I ran away for the first time when I was about 13. I snuck out my basement window. I came to New York and I went, “Oh my God, I know what I might possibly have to do and I’m going to go find some money so I don’t have to be forced into that.” So, I went back and got money. I lied about my age and got a job as a maid in a hotel, which was quite convenient if you like to steal and fuck the engineers, which I did. You have to do what you have to do, which is not only escape but create.

Alice—I remember sneaking out a window as well, but we lived in a Victorian house so my room was on the third floor. It was really difficult; I had hoses connected to all the nooks and crevices. It’s pretty fucking dangerous to think about now, but I felt pretty good about it then.

Lydia—I just went back to my hometown for the first time in 30 years and toured a lot of my old stomping grounds. I grew up in a black ghetto in Rochester, New York, and I kind of traced some of the paths of memorable, horrific moments. I had my first storytelling experiences under someone’s shotgun to my head—paid storytelling at 13. I think that set me on my path.

Alice—It’s weird, the only time that I can really get nostalgic is seeing the alley that my friends and I used to hang out in. It’s always used in movie sets, because it’s cheaper to film in Canada, but they to try and make it look like New York. They always use the exact same alley.

Lydia—When did you start writing, Alice?

Alice—I always kept journals and wrote little bits of poetry. When I was a kid, my parents worked in the city and I was left to my own devices a lot, so I’d just wander around singing melodies. I was in the school choir—I went to Catholic school.

Lydia—Me too! Look at how much good that did us. The devil goes to Catholic school.

Alice—[Laughing.] Yeah, my grandparents were definitely really religious, and my grandmother gave me a lot of Catholic guilt, even when I was going to church.

Lydia—I’ve never had a moment of guilt in my life. My father was a door-to-door Bible salesman at one point and, trust me, he was not at all religious. He was just trying to get into women’s houses. At nine, I was reading this really beautiful, highly illustrated, full-color 10-pound bible, and that’s when I just said, “God is a Marvel comic.” I didn’t have the God-haul that some people have.

Alice—Yeah. When I was nine years old I had a lot of friends that were boys, and I’d make up stories for us to play that involved being Power Rangers or whatever. One of the most prominent Catholic school stay-at-home moms started a rumor that I was actually friends with them because I was giving them hand jobs. I had no idea what that was!

Lydia—You know, I don’t have a lot of the normal, what I consider “cancer-causing” emotions, and I think it’s because, unlike a lot of traumatized people, I never turned the knife inward. I turned it outward. I started writing really violent poetry and I never felt any guilt. There were a lot of emotions, because I came out of such hatred and anger. But I flat-lined and built emotion. The stuff I do is very heavy and aggressive, and people think it’s negative, but I have so much empathy. I’m angry at the fucking world, but I’m not angry with anybody specifically.

Alice—I definitely can relate to that sentiment. I think that trying to channel that energy through art and performance and turning that anger into something creative and positive saved my life. I was someone that did internalize the events that happened to me, and I had a really hard time overcoming depression and feelings of worthlessness. I self-harmed from a really young age thinking it was something that I needed to do. [Music] felt like a relief, like I finally had control over myself. That’s something that I’ve been able to get now creatively.

Lydia—Because all of those emotions are things that people put upon you, they’re not how you ever were. I realized at a pretty early age that whatever the individual circumstances of our traumas were, I should never feel that my experience is unique. I felt that they were universal traumas for women, children, and the nuclear family—I had to come out and tell them. I’m trying to speak for and about those that have a mouth but don’t know how to scream yet or can’t find the words. That’s why so many sensitive, weird, outside “freaks”—and I say that with the highest of compliments—come to both of us. They need the mouth that can scream, that can whisper, that can sing, that can detail and find a way to express the existential horror of existence. Fuck you if you think I’m going to hate shit just because you made me hate you. Oh no, I’m very rebellious. It’s the individual duty as a rebel who will not be forced into the cycle of abuse to find, like what you do in music, beauty through the horror.

Surviving and existing a lot of the time is like a ‘fuck you’ to all the energy that’s put into trying to destroy us.

Alice—Yes, wow. I mean that’s my goal. Music is cathartic and I do feel like it’s something that I’m still kind of dealing with. I’ve only been able to get out and realize it now, because I was taking so many things internally and putting the guilt and blame on myself. There are things I’m doing on this new record that I would never have felt confident enough to do before. It’s very emotional music. There’s a personal message behind every song, but what I’m singing about is more than just personal. These past couple years have just been about recognizing that—I think that most people are fundamentally good—but that there are just people out there that take advantage of the optimism that others have for life.

Lydia—Well, there’s also a magnetism to victimology. I guess that’s why I became a predator at a very early age. I used sex as—I wouldn’t necessarily say a weapon—but kind of as a battery charger, and I was always the predator, because I needed an accelerated state of existence.

Alice—I love that. I do think I can relate to that. I think that finding other women in the punk scene that share that kind of sentiment is important, and I really don’t think that you can be punk without being a feminist and without being empathetic towards all walks of life. It’s kind of a little bit like being a hippie but being more aggressive instead of being passive. All of my female friends felt the same way—banding together is kind of what propelled me to not give in and get had, at least not immediately.

Lydia—I came up in a very different time. The late 70s. The scene that you came out of had a much more—or tried to have a much more—positive community spirit. There was a huge community of various types of artists, musicians, photographers, filmmakers, etc., but we were highly negative in the sense that we were completely disappointed by the failure of the 60s. Some of the biggest influences on my reactionary behavior were the failure of the Summer of Love bookended by the summer of hate by Charles Manson—very impressive—the Vietnam War, Kennedy’s assassination, and Kent State. These were things that really defined that attitude of my generation to come out and make music that was so incredibly violent. As opposed to, I’m not going to say punk rock, because I’m No Wave—No Wave, to me, means not audience friendly. I always felt outside of every collective I was in. Although I’ve collaborated with a lot of people, I’ve always felt kind of outside it.

Alice—I definitely romanticize the scene you came up in, the late 70s and early 80s, because it did feel more individual-based. By my time, it’s kind of like you have a sincere idea of something that can be razor sharp, and then after a while it trickles down and it turns into something that doesn’t even resemble the original. The climate that I was in was completely male-driven, almost like sports or something, where all the local men could sort of come together in the community. I wasn’t so much part of a scene as I was around one.

Lydia—Exactly. That’s what was so interesting about No Wave: there were so many women in bands, doing films, doing photography, doing art, and it wasn’t so much of an issue at that point. It wasn’t a gender issue. We were in a city that was bankrupt, that looked like Beirut on the Hudson, which was so criminal in all aspects, from the government, to the police, to the purposeful burnout of the Lower East Side and the Bronx. Gender was the least of our issues and it wasn’t such a big deal at that point.

Alice—It seemed like, growing up, that women’s liberation wasn’t so much of an issue. It wasn’t something that was really talked about, it was just kind of assumed, but to a dangerous degree where I was idealistic about people that I was surrounding myself with. Me and my friends were all 14 or 15 going to shows, and it was kind of a way for men in their 40s to prey on that idealism. There is one band that’s been [playing] since the 80s, and in Toronto you had to give respect to them even though they fucking suck. The lead singer guy was in his 40s and would prey on 14-year-old girls—sleep with them in a bathroom at an all-ages punk show. He just kept getting away with it. That was the climate.

I really don’t think that you can be punk without being a feminist and without being empathetic towards all walks of life.

Lydia—I was trying to readdress the imbalance of sexual power when I was 13 to probably 24. It felt like it was my duty to go out and be the predator. I felt that I was not just avenging myself, but kind of avenging women in general.  I never had any personal animosity against the individual male. My animosity has always been against the greater cabal of the “cock-ocracy” and the kleptocracy and the patriarchy. The problem with society is that it’s not about the rights of the individual, which is what it was supposed to be. It’s not even about the rights of the collective or the majority. It’s about the wants, the greed, the desires of the minority, which is 1 percent of the population. What the fuck is the solution? I don’t have it. But in the meantime, I’m going to continue to fucking complain about it, because all I can do is try and articulate the frustrations and point out that in the last election there was no fucking option. Because they threw the only option under the bus.

Alice—Bernie.

Lydia—Bernie Sanders. The last person I voted for was Larry Flynt because, actually, not only does he believe in freedom and liberty for all, but he actually pays to have political sex scandals in the public eye. Yeah, “Hustler” magazine. Chew on that one for a while.

Alice—It’s great to talk to someone who I feel has a great grasp on the situation, more than anyone else that I’ve really talked to. I went to the Women’s March in Los Angeles, and it was really powerful to see so many people take a stance for humanity and everything, but it’s like, what do we do next?

Lydia—I think every woman needs to know self-defense and needs to be mentally armed if not physically armed. You need to at least feel safe in your own home. When I moved to New Orleans from New York in 1990, 17 cops were arrested. I decided to take gun training because I wasn’t going to be the victim of a fucking road cop. So now I have more gun training than the New York City police force. It’s always been “Apocalypse Now” for me, that’s the state of mind I live in. Numbers mean nothing: one death may be a tragedy, but one million is a fucking statistic—you can’t comprehend it. You can’t comprehend three quarters of a million Iraqis dead. Agent Orange, for what? Because our pawn in the game decided not to fucking play by the rules anymore. Happens over and over again. Welcome to America, asshole. Oh yeah, we’re supposed to be talking about your new album!

I was trying to readdress the imbalance of sexual power when I was 13 to probably 24. It felt like it was my duty to go out and be the predator.

Alice—[Laughing.] Whatever. I mean, music is kind of a lot less interesting to talk about right now.

Lydia—Well no, because it’s what saves you. It’s the only way we have to rebel, with music, art, literature, spoken word. Even at my most quote-unquote negative, I still think there is beauty in the “brutarian” poetry. They will not steal my sense of wonder; they will not kill my love of hedonistic pleasure. I always close my solo shows with this: Pleasure is the ultimate rebellion. The first thing they steal from us as women is pleasure at the brink of the apocalypse, pleasure at the mouth of the volcano. Pleasure. And that’s why we create.

Alice—As an individual, I think that just surviving and existing a lot of the time is like a “fuck you” to all the energy that’s put into trying to destroy us.

Lydia—And let’s not only say “Fuck you, and fuck you again,” but, “Hey, you know what? I’m gonna fuck you and I’m gonna like it. There you go motherfucker, how ’bout that?” Can I get an oh yeah, oh yeah?

[angelofberlin2000]

Interview: ‘John Wick: Chapter Two’ Director Chad Stahelski Discusses the Man, the Myth, the Legend

A long but VERY interesting article/interview!!!!

http://www.slashfilm.com/john-wick-chapter-2-director-chad-stahelski-interview/

Interview: ‘John Wick: Chapter Two’ Director Chad Stahelski Discusses the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Posted on Friday, February 10th, 2017 by Jack Giroux

John Wick: Chapter 2 isn’t a sequel that delivers more of the same. There are familiarities, but it’s more like the same engine in a slightly bigger, more stylish, and more aggressive car. The simplicity of the first movie remains, but the titular character finds himself in a larger and more dangerous world this time. The world, which takes a few ideas from Arthurian mythology, grows along with John Wick in the sequel.

Director Chad Stahelski, who co-directed the first movie with the uncredited David Leitch (Deadpool 2), shows audiences a different side of the character, while also delivering on the quality action sequences audiences now expect from a John Wick film. The director ups the stakes and increases the scale in the sequel without ever abandoning the titular character’s arc during all the beautifully orchestrated madness.

We recently spoke with the 87eleven co-founder at the press day for the sequel. We discussed finding the right story to tell, the film’s opening and closing action scenes, the influence of Buster Keaton, workshopping scenes with Keanu Reeves, and more with the filmmaker. Below, read our Chad Stahelski interview.

How did you decide on John Wick’s introduction in the sequel? 

We’re big fans of silent movies, or silent storytelling, or visual storytelling as opposed to just exposition. So I had to reveal what we’ve already determined is kind of a mythological figure. Once again, let’s just stick to what we know, we’ll just do it with … When I say action I just don’t mean stunts, I mean let’s just tell a story [visually]. It’s a wacky city.

I was trying to make a movie that was a good introduction to those that hadn’t seen the first film. So how do you introduce that wacky world that half the audience is in on and the other half is not in, and satisfy both? So we’re like, all right, let’s do a little bit of action. Let’s figure out what would be an interesting way to show them you’re not in for a Bourne or a reality-based action movie. It’s a little wacky, so let’s start with some wacky aerials. We’ll come down, and as a little nod to our established audience, we want everybody to know that we’re making fun of ourselves. We’re gonna start with Buster Keaton.

I went to Montreal on a scout for something different. Up there they had all these great projections going as part of an art thing in Montreal. We went to New York, and we saw all these kids from the NYC film school, and it was awesome, they’re just walking around with his little projector on a little red wagon. It was really funny. With a little generator, they’re projecting all these silent movie images up on buildings and taking pictures, and that was part of their art project. Like, that’s fucking genius. Yeah, I just talked to the kid, “I’m gonna steal your shit, man.”

So I was like, I’m gonna get the right to a Buster Keaton film, and I’m gonna project it on a wall, to let everybody know out there we’re making a fun action movie. We’re gonna tilt down off that, we’re just gonna see it fucking crash, and we’re gonna get right into it with “What the fuck is going on?” And then we want to do what I call The Shark and The Fish. We’re gonna design the music so it’s, “Da, da, da, da, bo, bo, bo, da, da, da, bo, bo.” So you see this little guy, “Why is he being chased by this car? Ahh!” And it’s like, “Oh my God, the shark’s chasing the fish. What’s going on? What’s going on?” And then we’re just gonna slam them in the car, and everybody goes, “Whoa.” And then John Wick’s gonna get up. All right cool, that sounds like an interesting way of doing it. But that’s not it, we’re not gonna show his face, and you’re gonna go, “Who the fuck is this guy?”

And then we’re gonna get into, let’s see who can we get? We need a very mythological, we need an orator, we need an Ian McShane. And Keanu is friends with Peter Stormare, and like I’d work with Peter on Constantine, and we’re like, “He’ll never do it. I know he’ll never talk to us.” And Keanu’s like, “Actually, Peter came up to me in the gym the other day and goes, “Why am I not in John Wick 2?” So, I’m like, “You’re kidding?” Keanu’s like, “No, no, I’m serious.” I’m like, “Don’t fuck with me. You’re serious?” He’s like, “No, no, no, really you should call him. Call Peter.” “[Stomare voice] Chad, what’s going on, my friend, I’d love to be in your movie.” We’re like, you’re shitting us. I said, “Okay, well I tell you what, you’re gonna be the orator, you’re gonna introduce John Wick to us in this.”

Derek, I, and Keanu all sat down, and we wrote, “The man, and the myth, and the legend.” And we wrote this little intro about how to recap the first movie. “He killed my brother, my nephew.” We wrote that. We’re just gonna do it as a cool little intercut.

What it’d take to get the rights to the Buster Keaton film?

Phone call.

Just a phone call?

I have a great line producer, a guy named Jeff Waxman, who literally went in and said, “Are you’re sure about this?” I was like, “Yeah!” A couple of phone calls, and we paid the licensing rights, it was very, very easy. Actually, I was shocked, too. I was like, “Really, it was that easy?”

Derek mentioned some other story ideas for Chapter 2. What other ideas did you all discuss? 

Oh my god, brother, you don’t have enough time. I think we started talking about a sequel in January, like literally right after the holiday. The movie opened in October. We were working on different projects at the time trying to finish our second unit career. We didn’t know the first one was gonna do good. So that Basil Iwanyk, the producer, got us all on the phone and said, “Look, we gotta start talking about this. The studio is very interested in a second one.” We had committed to engage it should we find an idea that was was worthwhile. It wasn’t gonna make a mockery of what we had done in the first one, which is always the fucking danger, right?

Right after the holidays, we started getting together. We all had ideas of cool characters and stuff, that was no problem. The world development, great. I already had like ten pages of notes. Storywise, was John Wick saving a cat, were we killing a dog, were we rescuing a baby, does he fall in love? We really got into the plot side of things. And to tell you the truth, six months later in June we still did not have a coherent plot. We were kinda shitting our pants. The studio was kind of pressuring us to start shooting that fall. And we were adamant that like, look we’re  — and I mean everyone, even the studio — not going into this with just a B action plot, like it’s gotta be something that fits our world.

The ideas that had been chucked were anything from comical, to absurd, to kind of cool, just not us. Like, in any other action movie that was grounded it probably would have made sense. You know, about money, about taking over the city, about all … it just felt false to us because it wasn’t mythological. It didn’t sound larger than life.

Then we were bitchin’ to Keanu one day going, “Fuck, dude.” He’s like, “Look, what did you like about the first one?” “What do you mean? You know what I like about it, you were there. What are you talking about?” He’s like, “What did you like?” I was like, “It was super simple, and it was based on a myth. It was a Greek myth. It was, you know, dog, love lost, karma, go kill people who killed dog.” He was like, “Enough said. Figure it out.” You know, yeah, the fucker’s right. Keep it simple.

So Derek had introduced this idea about a marker, about a story we had told about in the stunt community, and it had happened once when I was in a stunt group. One of the older stunt guys had passed away, and they did something called a remembrance coin. It’s about a silver dollar size, it has the guy’s name printed on it and says, “In loving memory of ‘individual’s name.'” And when the stunt guys would go out and drink, one guy would pull out the coin, whoever didn’t have the memory coin would have to buy the round. Just a, you know, goofy way of remembering somebody, whatever it is.

And Derek took that a step further to something called The Marker, and we took that as a bond on life. So it was like a favor, it’s a bond, it’s a check you write with your life. It was taken in a different way. He wanted to use it in a different way, and we’re like, we love that idea, there’s something mythical that it’s a talisman. There’s something cool about that. You trade your life for a favor. And we’re like, well, wait a minute. John Wick got out. We’re not doing a prequel. We wanted to, just didn’t fit quite where we were at. We’re like, okay, he gives that for the favor he did to do the impossible task to get out, and we’re gonna hold that. So if the first one didn’t have it, and the second one didn’t have it, that’s very karmically apt to what the kind of mythology we’re doing. So we just kind of ran with that in creating a very, very simple story, like John owes someone a favor.

The sequel builds on ideas from the first movie. It’s not like some of the standalone Bond films or other sequels. Do you see these chapters telling one story?

What you’re talking about is the episodic theory, like Magnum P.I. The story is Magnum’s doing something, bad guys do something, solves the case by the end of the show. Or, nowadays TV is it’s three seasons of day to day to day continuing the story. I’m a fan of both ways, depends on the project. This I see 1, 2, and 3 is part of the same ongoing story, where we find him now. Granted, 1 and 2 take place within the same week. Number 3 may be a little bit more of a duration for John to get lost in the world then come back.

We basically almost have a prequel written, but we’d save that for other aspects of the property. Lionsgate is very interested in doing a John Wick TV show, and that seems very appealing to us to give those creative ideas to that entity. I think that TV could really expand on what that is, great, than we could in just a two-hour film. We’d like to wrap up the story we’re telling now and then maybe save all our prequel ideas and our impossible tasks for that medium.

You mentioned you had pages and pages of notes before Derek started writing. Were there any memorable ideas in those notes that didn’t make the movie? 

Oh my god, about nine pages of it. Nine or ten pages, so plenty for number 3. One of my favorite things, and definitely Keanu’s favorite scene, happens in Rome. Before he goes to all the other assassins, he goes to a very Vaticanesque-looking building where he asks permission from certain clergy, religious clergy. We’ve tied in the ancientness and the mythological world of religion into our thing. It just bumped a little bit on the overall plot, because it was a little too ambiguous, so it was taken out. We also had a B-plot when we shot the film about how Santino was trying to control the flow of gold coins. Tied into those scenes,  there’s a great scene between Riccardo Scamarcio and John Leguizamo.

Unfortunately, when we thinned down and really streamlined the plot, that B-plot didn’t fit, so we had to lift the scene. It was a really fun scene between John Leguizamo and Ricardo Scamarcio, but that scene didn’t quite make it. It was in Aurelio’s garage. John Leguizamo gave a fantastic soliloquy that unfortunately, we didn’t get to keep in the film. There are two characters that I can really expand on in the third one, one is John Leguizamo’s character, Aurelio, because he’s such a big part of the first film, and Lance Reddick character, as our concierge in The Continental.

The major second act action scene in Rome is almost exhausting, in a good way. What did it take to prep that sequence? 

One thing, I love music, to the point of ridiculousness. That’s why we did the club scene in the first one. I think music is a great motivator, especially when you’re in a, not just a club scene, but music in general I think can tell a lot of the story. It can give it tone. And number two, we have a shitload of classical music that’s been electricized a little bit. Like, the last scene in the museum is Vivaldi’s Four Seasons Summer, I think. That was done through synthesizers and actually done with firearm percussion, instead of drums. We use Haydn, we use Chopin… there’s a ton of different classical music in this.

I always wanted to do like an opera, but when I said opera, I think the producers thought I meant more classical opera. No, I want to do like Tommy, like a rock opera, and I want to do a gunfight. I don’t want to do a club scene, like the first movie, I want to do a coronation, and we wanted to design something that was about live performances, and only for our underworld. Whereas in Collateral, Tom Cruise would fire a gun and everybody would run for cover, this is all our world, so if somebody’s shot in the head, they’d cheer. This is like surreal, and like everyone’s staring at me like, “What the fuck? Is this a Dr. Seuss fucking LSD thing?” I’m like, no man I want to do a rock opera.

Cassandra [Nostalghia], the girl we see doing the opera, she’s the girl that did the vocals in the first movie for a lot of the soundtrack, for a lot of the score. So I asked, “How’d you like to do the performance?” And the wacky guy playing the guitar, that’s Tyler Bates, he’s my composer. He’s the one who did all the sound effects for Guardians of the Galaxy, 300, and John Wick. I was like, “So, why don’t you guys fly to Rome? We’re gonna put you on stage for the concert, you’re gonna do that, and in the middle of it, John Wick’s gonna come through and we’re gonna have a gunfight.” They’re all staring at me. And on top of that, it’s gonna be in 2000-year-old ancient Rome. It’s like, you’re never gonna find a place [like that]. It’s like, ah, get my line producer, we’ll fly over to Rome, we’re gonna talk to everybody.

The Colosseum was off limits, the Vatican was off limits. We go to Caracalla Baths, which is one of the oldest ruins in Rome. Our local producer there, a lovely man, took us in to meet the curator. They have a lot of events there. The Boston Symphony’s been there, The London Opera’s been there, so we thought maybe there’s a chance.

As she’s walking us through it, we’re like, “Look, we would like to do a big stage right here. We want a lot of light towers. We want to put 500 people in here, and then we want our lead character to run through this.” She’s like, “Oh great. What’s he doing?” “Well he’s going to be running from bad guys and he’s gonna be shooting two, three dozen people in the face the whole time.” She’s like, “Okay that’s great, that’s great. Just try not to step on those ruins coming through the grass here.” “Okay. Oh … you sure?” She’s like, “Oh, yeah, yeah, that’s great. Sounds fun.” “[Confused] Okay, um. We were also looking for this place. We kinda had this image of him going through Ancient Rome, the sewers, the catacombs.” She says, “Oh yeah, come with me right downstairs.” “What? In the same location?” “Yeah, you’re standing right above them.”

So where you see that stage in the movie, directly, in the real world, those catacombs are directly under that stage. In movies, that never fucking happens. You gotta do like three or four locations to put it together on film through editing. We’re like, “Really, we go around that stage, step through this hole, we’re in the …?” “Yeah.” “All right well down here we want to kill two or three dozen more people, but with automatic weapons and a shotgun.” She’s like, “Yeah.” “How old are these?” “Oh, 2,000 years.” “Okay, well this isn’t …” “Oh yeah, this is one of the oldest places in … This a sacred place.” “But you …?” “Yeah, yeah, try and just … You can’t dig. You can clear, but you can’t move any ancient stones.” “Can we put lights on here? Can the stunt guy… But you don’t understand when you shoot something …” “Oh yeah, it’s been here 2,000 years. You ain’t gonna break it.”

Like, we couldn’t move a leaf in Central Park. But now I can throw 20 stunt guys against 2000-year-old ruins with a shotgun. That’s kind of how that sequence came about.

To me, it was one of the funnest moments ever in my film career. Standing on that stage looking out over, having Tyler Bates and a real rock band behind me, playing music as all the extras are having a good time. Just kinda like, “Holy shit, somebody pays me to do this.”

When John Wick goes underground in the tunnels, it’s dark but, unlike a lot of action scenes set in the dark, you can tell what’s happening. 

We have a fantastic cinematographer, Dan Lausten (Brotherhood of the Wolf), who spent two weeks down there with the action team coming up with a lighting scheme that was … I like shadows. I like dark, but as you brought up, sometimes dark means you can’t see. We did movie dark, which means you can see, and we did that with different shades of blue and green, as you saw down there. So you can see into the black.

The movie is gorgeous, by the way. 

Dan and I spent about four months designing the colors. I learned more from that man in a show than I’ve learned in my whole career.

What did those four months involve? 

I do something called the lookbook. I do pulls. I go on the internet, and I found every art, photography website that you can possibly access in the time allowed to a normal human being. Bring out colors, and palettes, and set pieces that are aesthetically very pleasing to me. Then I hand, literally, 8,000 photos to my cinematographer and we spend weeks going over each one. Then we devise a color chart, and what the scene means, and where we want to do it. Dan and I get on every plane and find these locations. He starts designing, and designing, and designing and then he’s gotta make it happen on the day. He’s worked a lot with Guillermo del Toro, who in my estimation is one of the best world creators in the business. What was the Guillermo del Toro movie came out right before we came out?

Crimson Peak.

Crimson Peak, yes, thank you. I didn’t overall love the film, but the look of the movie and what he had done with color, and how everything could be so black but yet you could see so deep with the little of blue or red. I was just mesmerized. Again, we look a little too critical at things, so you can’t really enjoy the film. Sometimes you’re so busy looking at how it was done. I remember watching Crimson Peak completely taken out of the movie by how good the lighting and the world was. I was mesmerized, like who the fuck lit this thing? It’s beautiful, and it was Dan Laustsen. I was like, how do I get this guy? I was amazed. I figured if he could do that with just simple set pieces, what could he do with old ruins and action?

Dan was an incredibly collaborative man who just loved to light, what we call now, in camera. There’s a lot of lighting process being done post, in something called digital intermediate. You know, computers. Dan lights as if he’s lighting for film, very, very much in camera and on the day. So when you’re looking through the camera, you’re looking at what you will get. To find that kind of artistry nowadays is fairly rare.

How about the final action sequence? I imagine with those reflections and those tight spaces it was a challenge. 

Six months of prep. From development to actualization, and then another six months of post, meaning visual effects on how to get people out of reflection. It was a little tricky. We absolutely knew it was going to be difficult. It was a huge process between myself, Dan Laustsen, cinematographer, and Kevin Kavanaugh, our production designer. I could tell they were the right guys when I hired them.

I said I wanted to take Enter the Dragon and twist it on its head and add in lights and color, and neither one batted an eye. Like they go, “Ah, cool. We should do this.” And Kevin was, “All right, well let’s do it three dimensional. Put a stair, you know, [M.C.] Escher …” A very famous architect, or conceptual drawing artist. We want to do an Escher staircase, an infinite staircase. I’m like, “Well that’s a great idea.” And Dan was like, “Well, mirrors are boring, let’s put LED lights everywhere, and we’ll change the color, and we’ll project.

We all went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and there was this video exhibition. We’re like, well not just lights, let’s put a video in there that’ll change colors and flash and make it all weird. We’re like, yeah, it’ll be like a disco. It was just a bunch of really smart, creative men putting their heads together and coming up with something really cool.

[Spoilers Ahead]

Are there any scenes without action that took extra time to get right in the editing room?

I really like, and I don’t think it was the hardest, but I like the Gianna bath scene, just because it was so uncomfortable, and to try to do it tastefully. You know, the whole point of that, even the music, was meant to make you feel uncomfortable. When she slits her wrists and all, it’s supposed to be, “Ooh, I don’t want to look at this.” But, it’s cool, and it’s also making you see a little inside to who John Wick really is.

You see him be compassionate. 

Yep. To bring something out, yet hard but soft … It was tricky. That was probably the hardest thing for me to nail tonally. I’m happy with he way it came out. Did it work? We’ll see. The Central Park scene was fun.

You’re as interested in that character as the world, which is a part of why I think that scene works.

And that holds a lot to … I find that interesting about Keanu, and anything he does. The trick is now that I know Keanu has a quality that people like to watch, how do you express it? Dan and I were very, very aware of that and how we shot Keanu, and how we wanted to track with him, and how we always wanted to put him in between things, and how we wanted black to go as red and red to go as black. You know, we’re very self-aware of that, and hopefully, that comes across.

How do you and Keanu Reeves prepare for a moment like the bathhouse scene? Do you both have many discussions beforehand? 

Yes, but it’s usually not on the day. Again, being a newer director, I wasn’t sure on the process. Keanu gave my partner Dave and I a great deal of education on the first movie. Pretty much, “Hi boys, I love you, but this is how you talk to actors.” Because we were used to stunt talk, which was, “Fuck you, move your ass. Hit this mark. Don’t fuckin’ miss. Left, right, up, down, now.” Very direct so you cannot be misunderstood because people’s lives are at stake. That’s not the best way to talk to actors.

Keanu taught us how to workshop, and how to really work a scene, meaning, for the Gianna scene, Claudia Gerini the actress, we brought her to set a week ahead of time, showed her the set roughly before it was really built, brought her back to the hotel and spent the next two days just going over [the scene], rehearsing, just in the hotel room, and talking and laughing, and figuring the best way to do it.

Before that even happened, Keanu, Derek, and I had spent weeks working on the scene, what’s important to say, what it is. The scene was much larger. What you’ve seen is the whittled down, right to the point version of it, which I think is even better. We usually start with much bigger scenes and try to get through what is important and what helps the audience stay true to the character and what rings true to the audience.

Keanu is very, very good at workshopping. He’s very good at talking about a scene. When you engage in Keanu Reeves, or with Keanu Reeves, from day one of development ’til this coming Monday when we premiere, he’s involved. We may be shooting the Laurence Fishburne scene, but when he’s on break, he’s like, “Okay, now let’s talk more about the Gianna scene.” He’s very, very involved, which is great. So by the time you do show up, just like the action, we know what we want to get out of it. Then if something’s not working, again, you’re not trying to get it done, you’re trying to buy yourself time creatively so that you’re not getting it done, you’re creating it, you’re getting it better, you’re workshopping it.

By the time we go there Keanu can come up and go, “This isn’t really working for me.” “No, it kinda is, but maybe we should just shorten it, and maybe you should try to walk over here, say this, and then hit him with that line.” Then that may not work, but then it gives Claudia an idea to go, “You know what, that may not work, but what if I took off my dress here and I give the line about Helen here, and then I get in the bath.” And Keanu goes, “Great. And then I’ll walk … Okay, I get it. So rather than me say it, let me come over and hold your hand.” And that’s how that little piece [went], you know. Rather than anything else Keanu wanted to sit by her, but look, he’s changing the gun hand, and then he holds [her hand], and then he still shoots her, without changing a facial expression. Those are ideas that are all in there, but how they get developed is through a lot of talk.

***

http://www.slashfilm.com/john-wick-chapter-2-director-chad-stahelski-interview/4/

[brajshukl]

Albert Einstein Biography

Name: Albert Hermann Einstein

Born: 14 March 1879 Ulma (Germany)

Father: Hermann Einstein

Mother: Pauline Coach Wife: The first is Mariak and the second is Elisa Loven Thal.

        Einstein made many contributions, including special and general theory of relativity. His other contributions include – Relative Universe, capillary motion, critical subduction, numerical mechanics problems, Brownian motion of molecules, mutation probability of molecules, quantum theory of a one-molecule gas, thermal properties of light with low radiation density, theory of radiation, Integrated field theory and geometry of physics are included.

Early life

        Albert Einstein was born on 14 March 1879 in Germany to a Jewish family in Wüttemberg. His father Herman Einstein was an engineer and salesman while his mother was Polin Einstein. In 1880, his family moved to the city of Munich where his father and uncle founded Elektrotechnische Fabrik J. Einstein & Co. Opened a company called. The company made electrical equipment and it also provided light for the first time at the Oktoberfest fair in Munich.

        The Albert Einstein family did not believe in Jewish religious traditions and so Einstein went to Catholic school to study. But later, at the age of 8, he moved from there to the Luitpold Gymnasium (now known as Albert Einstein Gymnasium), where he took his secondary and higher secondary education, he lived there for the next 7 years, until He did not leave Germany.

        In 1895, Insten took the entrance examination at the age of 16 at the Swiss Federal Polytechnic, Zurich, later known as Epigenesist Technosphere Hochschule (ETH). Except for the subject of Physics and Mathematics, he failed to get enough marks in other subjects. And finally on the advice of the headmistress of the polytechnic, he went to the Argovian Cantonal School, Aru, Switzerland. He completed his higher secondary education in 1895–96.

The Invention

        Albert Einstein did many inventions for which his name came to be counted among the famous scientists. Some of his inventions are as follows –

        Quantum Theory of Light – In Einstein’s Quantum Theory of Light, he created a small bag of energy called photons that has a wave-like feature. In his theory, he explained the emission of electrons from some metals. He created the photo electric effect. After this theory, he invented television, which is shown through visual science. In modern times, many such devices have been invented. E = MC square – Einstein proved an equation between mass and energy, today it is called nuclear energy.

        Brownian Movement – This can be said to be Albert Einstein’s biggest and best discovery, where he observed the zigzag movement in the suspension of atoms, which is helpful in proof of the existence of molecules and atoms. We all know that in today’s time science is predominant in most of all branches. Read the miracle essay of science here.

        Special Theory of Relativity – In this theory of Albert Einstein, the relation of time and speed is explained. In the universe, the speed of light is said to be constant and according to the law of nature. General Theory of Relativity – Albert Einstein proposed that gravitational space-time is the curve field in the continent, which denotes the existence of mass.

Biography of Albert Einstein

        At the University of Zurich, he got the appointment of professor and people started considering him as a great scientist. In 1905, at the age of 26, he proposed the theory of specialism which made him world famous. He wrote only four articles on this subject which changed the face of physics. The famous equation of this theory is E = mc2, due to which atomic bomb could be formed. Due to this, the foundation of electric eye was laid. Due to this research could be done on sound film and TV. Einstein received the world famous Nobel Prize for this discovery.

        After taking a bachelor’s degree, he considered teaching students but initially did not get a job because of Albert’s greater knowledge. In 1902 Albert Einstein got a temporary job in Bern city of Switzerland. Now he got a lot of time to write and publish his research articles. He started working hard to get a doctorate degree and eventually got a doctorate.

Idea

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; And I cannot say strongly about the universe.

The person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

Every human being is genius. But if you judge a fish with its ability to climb the tree, then it will live its whole life thinking that it is a fool.

Do not attempt to be a successful person. Rather be a human being who walks on values.

When you are sitting with a good girl, one hour is like a second. When you are sitting on a blazing ember, one second seems like an hour. This is relativity.

Anger resides in the chest of fools.

If human life is to be kept alive then we will need to think completely new.

Human beings should see what is there, not what it should be.

No problem can be solved by staying at the same level of consciousness on which it has arisen.

Respecting an authorized person without question is against the truth.

Learning from the past, living in today, having hope for tomorrow. The most important thing is not to stop asking questions.

There is a difference between stupidity and intelligence that there is a limit to intelligence.

Life is like riding a bicycle in a way. Just as we need balance on a cycle to move forward, similarly by living a balanced life, we can move forward in life.

If you know all the rules of doing a task, then you can do that work better than anyone.

The ship is most secure at the edges, but it is not designed to stand on the shore.

Interesting fact

        Albert Einstein was going to give a speech one day while on the way, his driver told him that I have heard your speech so many times that I can give your speech in front of people. Listening to him, he told him, ‘Okay today you give a speech in my place’. Einstein took the driver’s dress and took his place and gave his place to the driver. In the speech hall, the driver gave a smoky speech, just like Einstein.

        After the speech, when people started asking questions and the driver gave the answers with confidence. But someone asked such a difficult question that the driver did not know the answer. To this, the driver said, “Hey, the answer to this question is so simple that only my driver will tell you.” Saying this, he put Einstein in the driver’s dress and stood up to answer.

        The great scientist Albert Einstein used to create a blueprint by using the visualization of research in his mind. This was more accurate than his laboratory experiment. Einstein was awarded the Nobel Prize for his experiment, but the amount received with it was not his right. This amount had to be paid during his divorce from his wife during settlement. Even though Einstein considered the world’s greatest scientist, he was weak and slow to learn and read in childhood.

About Albert Einstein

        He had failed in the first entrance exam for admission to the university. A pathologist (pathologist) stole Einstein’s brain during his autopsy. He then remained in a jar for 20 years. Einstein was notorious for his poor memory. It is true that they often forgot dates, names and phone numbers.

        German scientist Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel, but he politely declined it. There is no dispute with such a big scientist, it cannot happen. He became the father of an illegitimate child in 1902. Born in 1879, Einstein legally had two marriages in 1909 and 1919. Celebrities such as Darwin Allen Poe and Saddam Hussein including Einstein made their first marriage to Cousin.

Death

        After Einstein’s death his mind was taken out without the permission of his family. This immoral act was done by Dr.Thomas Harvey to research his mind. In 1975, by the order of his son Hans, he sent 240 samples of his brain to many scientists, after seeing that he found that his brain counted more cells than the common man.

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